AlphasUndoneBook1

K

ENDALL

R

YAN

Bait&Switch

Copyright©2016KendallRyan

DevelopmentalEditingby

AlexandraFreschandAngelaSmith

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Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedortransmittedinanyformwithoutwrittenpermissionoftheauthor,exceptbya
reviewerwhomayquotebriefpassagesforreviewpurposesonly.
Thisbookisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentsareeithertheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareused
fictitiously.

TableofContents

AbouttheBook

Prologue

ChapterOne

ChapterTwo

ChapterThree

ChapterFour

ChapterFive

ChapterSix

ChapterSeven

ChapterEight

ChapterNine

ChapterTen

ChapterEleven

ChapterTwelve

ChapterThirteen

ChapterFourteen

ChapterFifteen

ChapterSixteen

ChapterSeventeen

ChapterEighteen

ChapterNineteen

ChapterTwenty

ChapterTwenty-One

ChapterTwenty-Two

ChapterTwenty-Three

Epilogue

Author’sNote

StayConnected

ComingSoon

Acknowledgments

AbouttheAuthor

OtherBooksbyKendallRyan

AbouttheBook

Loveisatrap,atrickonlyotherpeoplefallfor.FormerNavySEALNolanMaxwellhasnosuch

illusions.Theonlythingsrealinhislifearehisbelovedbulldogandthetwowomenwhoregularlyshare

hisbed.Oneislight—soft,innocent,andtendertouches.Theotherisdark—andgiveshimallthewicked

thingshecravesbehindcloseddoors.It’snotcheatingwheneachisawareoftheother.Butwhenhe

beginstofeelmuchmorethanheeverbargainedfor,theorderofhiscarefullycraftedworldisshaken,

andhestandstoloseeverything.

Nolanthinkswemetbychance.Wedidn’t.Isoughthimout,seducedhim,andinreturngotthe

sanctuaryIneededtosurvive.Butnow,impossibly,I’vefalleninlovewithhim.Idon’tcarethathehas

anotherlover,becausewhenhefindsoutwhoIam,it’sgoingtoruinanychanceIeverhadwithhim

anyway.She’stheleastofmyworries.

Bait&SwitchisBook1inanewcontemporaryromanceseriesbyKendallRyan.

Prologue

Knowinghowmuchhercurvesaffectedhim,sheusedthemtoherfulladvantage.Standingbeforethe

floor-lengthmirrorinherbedroom,sheliftedherbreastssothecupsofherbracradledthemniceand

high.There.

Shegavealittlewiggleinthemirror.Blackleggingsandalow-cutredtunichuggedthecurvesofher

hipswhilestillemphasizinghertrimwaist.Shesmiledatherownreflection,somethingdarkand

possessiveflashinginhereyes,hermouthcurlingintoabloodthirstygrin.

Shewantedhimtopantlikeadogwhenhesawher.Nomoreofthissharingbullshit.Shemighthave

saidshewasokaywithitinthebeginning,butthathadbeenalie.Onemeanttosootheandcalmhis

worries,winhimover.Andshehad.

Tonightshewouldshowhim,despitehermanyfaults,thatallheneededwasrightinfrontofhim.

Twodamagedsoulswithmurkypastswhowereperfectforeachother.

Nearlyovercomewithanticipation,shescurriedaroundherbedroom,tossingstrayclothesintothe

closetandfluffingherpillowsforthethirdtime.Hewouldbehereanyminute,andshe’dbeenlooking

forwardtothismomentallday.

Glancingatherdresser,shewonderediftheredpillarcandlesshe’dlitweretoomuch.Hewasn’t

muchforromance,butshedidn’tcare.Tonightshewasgoingtomakehimhers.Ithadbeentoolong,and

herbodywasalmosthummingwithneedforhim.Shewantedhimtofillherandmarkherskin,justas

he’dmarkedherheart.

Herbarefeetpausedatthewoolthrowrugbesideherbedassomethingshiftedinsideher.ShouldI

feelguilty?

Shewasescapingadarkpast...butitwaslightthatcastthegreatestshadow.

Swallowingthebittertasteofacidinhermouth,sheshookherhead.Therewasnowayshewas

backingdownnow.Everythingabouthimmadeherfeelalive,raw,andvisceral.Shewantedhim.Allof

him.

Heartswouldbebroken.Secretswouldberevealed.Andnothingwouldeverbethesame.

ChapterOne

Nolan

Theblackleatherballgagwentonfirst.IbrushedasideDaniella’swavyauburnhairtofastenitsbuckle,

snappingmyfingersforhertoopenhermouthandacceptit.Isteppedforwardtotightenthestraps,my

bodylingeringagainsthersforlongerthannecessary.Herstiffenednipplesbrushedmybarechestandmy

cockanswered,alreadyhalf-hard,nudgingatherthroughmyjeans.

I’dorderedhertostandmotionlessunlessIsaidotherwise.ButImadethetaskasdifficultforheras

possible.Everytimeshefidgeted,evenslightly,Ispankedhernakedasshardwithmyopenpalm.She

shudderedandearnedanotherslap.Hercreamyskinhadstartedtoredden,herbreathcomingfaster.

Shedidn’treallyneedthegag.IfItoldhertobequiet,shewouldhavedoneherbest.Thislittleritual

wasallaboutheighteningheranticipation.

“Onthebed,”Ifinallycommanded,myvoicelowandgruff.“Allfours,handsandfeet.Showme

yourprettycunt.”Imighthavesoundedcoolandincontrol,butmyownheartwaspoundingjustashard

andfastashers.

Herbreathinghitched,andIfoughtdownasmile.

AfterleavingtheNavySEALstwoyearsago,anunfamiliarfeelingofpowerlessnesshadswirled

insideme.Therealizationthatnooneneededme,noonewaswaitingonmycommand,hadbeenatough

pilltoswallow.AndeventhoughI’dbeenmorethanreadytoleaveitallbehind,IfoundIhatedmynew

lifeontheoutside.

ButthenDaniellaneededme,neededmetobethemantosaveher.SoImadethatmymission.

Ididn’tremembermymilitaryyearsfondly,butforthesakeofsatisfyingDaniella’shunger,I

recapturedthatmilitaryairofauthority.Power,punishment,strictcontrol...Ineededthisalmostas

badlyasshedid.Thehighthatcamefromplayingthisrolewaslikenothingelse.Andjudgingbytheway

shehustledontothebed,eagertoplease,myperformancewasagoodone.

Daniellagrabbedheranklesandprostratedherselfwithherheaddownandassraisedhigh.

JesusChrist.Mycockimmediatelysprangtofullattention.Sinceadelaywouldjustmakehersquirm

withmoreanticipation,Iletmyselfpausetostare.Tightasswithaslick,flushedpussypoutingbelow.

Mile-longlegs,shapelyfromallthehoursshespentonherfeetasanurse.Ripe,firmtitswithpale,

piercednipples.Hairspreaddarkoverthewhitepillow,gleamingcopperwhereitcaughtthelight.Pale,

freckle-dustedskin,decoratedwithafewswirlingtribaltattoos.

Well,itwasabouttobedecoratedwithahellofalotmore.

Irolledonthecondomshe’dsetoutonhernightstandandpulledoutacoilofsilkrope.Iclimbed

ontothebedbehindhertotieherwriststoherankles;shelikedtobeboundastightaspossible.ThenI

gotonmyknees,lettingmysteel-hardcockrubherwetpussy,teasinghermercilessly.Shewhimpered

andtriedtorockbackintome.

I’dbeenwaitingforhertodosomethinglikethat.“Badgirl,”Ibarked.“Idecidewhenyouget

fucked.”Ispankedherfirmly,open-palmed.

Sheyelped,onlytochokewhenIspankedheragain,again,andagain,raisingfierystreaksofcrimson

acrossherass.Istoppedwhenshesobbedforbreath,knowingshewasoverwhelmedwiththat

mysteriousfeelingshecraved,neitherpainnorpleasurebutsomethingmore.Somethingshecouldn’tget

anywhereelse.SomethingIalonegaveher.

Igrabbedherhips,diggingmyfingersin,andthrustforward,fillingherinchbygloriousinch.A

moanofanimalgreedclawedupfromdeepinDaniella’schest.Ipulledbackallthewayandpoundedin

again,settingapunishingpace.Myhipssmackedaudiblyagainstherflamingass.Shecriedoutagain

whenIbentforwardoverherarchedbackandsankmyteethintohernape,markinghereverywayIcould.

Shethrashedtorideme,pushingbackonmycockwithwhatlittleleverageshehad.Soonherguttural

criestookonafamiliarnoteofdesperation.Pantingwitheffortandpleasure,stillbitingthebackofher

neck,Iletgoofonehiptorubherclit.Shealmostscreamed,andherpussygrippedhard,milkingme.I

groanedatthesensation;shemusthavebeenteeteringontheedgesincewestarted.

IfuckedDaniellathroughherorgasmuntilshetrembledwithoverstimulation.ButIdidn’tstopthere.

Icouldn’t—myownreleasewascominghardandfast.

Ikeptmovingmyfingersasshesquirmed,tornbetweenjerkingawayfrommytouchandpressing

closer.Theheatinmybellybuilthigherwitheverythrust.Justasitbroke,hertoescurledandshecried

outweakly,comingagain.

Fuck.Mycockthrobbedhard,andIgrowledoutacurse.Damn,thatwasgood.

Stillburieddeepinsideher,IunbuckledthewetballgagandletitdropfromDaniella’smouth.She

gaveabreathy,satisfiednoise,workinghertiredjawasIpulledoutandsatbackonmyheelstountieher

slimankles.

Sherolledoverontoherside,huggingherkneestoherchest,hereyesstillclosedandexpression

relaxed.OnceI’dpulledoffthecondomandthrewitaway,Igrabbedthecashmerethrowfromthebackof

herdeskchairandcoveredherwithit.Shelaytherequietly,herbreathingeveningoutwhileIsatbeside

her.

Liftingonesideoftheblanket,Iinspectedmywork.Herrightasscheekwasredandwarmtothe

touch.Thatwouldfadeinafewhours,butdamn,sittingwouldn’tbecomfortabletonight.Thiswasthe

partIdidn’tcarefor.GuiltmixedwithbitteruncertaintyoverwhatI’ddone,makingmewonderifI’d

takenittoofar.

“Rollover.Ontoyourstomach,”Itoldher.Toostern.Iswallowedandworkedonlettinggoofthe

dominancestillcoursingthroughmyveins.

“I’mfine,Nolan.Ipromise.”Evenassheprotested,Daniellaobeyed.

Itookabottleofsoothingoatmeallotionfromhernightstand.“Iknow.”Pushingasidemyownguilt,I

uncoveredherandrubbedthelotionoverthewelts,takingmytimetocovereveryinchofherbrightpink

ass,touchinghergentlysoasnottocausehermorediscomfort.

Sheletoutacontentedsigh.“Thatwas...”

“Youhaveagoodtime?”Iasked,onlyatraceofasmirkonmylips.

Sheturnedherheadonthepillow,onehazeleyecrinkledinamusement.“Areyoufishingfor

compliments?”Onceourscenewasover,itwascrazyhowquicklywefellbackintocasualfriend

territory.

“Hey,amanwantstoknowhe’sdonehisjob.”

AlthoughIalreadyknewdamnwellIhad.Shestillhadn’tbudgedfromherspot,whichmeantImust

havewornherout.Orshewassavoringherjourneyoutofsubspace.Icappedthelotionandpulledthe

blanketbackoverher,myworkdone.

“Soyouwerefishingforcompliments,”sheteased.Buttherewasnorealvenominherlowvoice.

Shestillsoundedhazy,herhighnotyetfaded.Soonshewouldbejustplainoldrelaxed.“Ofcourse

you’rethebestfuckI’veeverhad.”

IchuckledasIfreedherfromthelastknots.“Nowthat’swhatIwanttohear.”

Daniellascootedbacktositupagainsttheheadboard,tuggingtheblanketwithher.Ihandedherthe

granolabarandthermosofblackcoffeeI’dpreparedearlier.ShetoreintohersnackwhileIrubbedher

shoulders.

Wefuckedlikethisatleastonceortwiceaweek,whichwasfinebyme.Hershiftswerealways

changing,butIknewhergeneralworkdaypatternbynow.Slaveawayatthehospitalfortwelvehours,

comehome,dropdead,wakeuphungryandhorny.Onekinksessionwouldsootheandrefreshhernerves;

twowouldknockheroutagain.

OnceDaniellaseemedokay,Ikissedthebackofherhandandlefttotakeaboiling-hot,soapy

shower.IwasmeetingLaceysoon,andsheprobablywouldn’tappreciatemereekingofsweatandsex.

Somewomenwereintothat,butIwasn’tgoingtobetonit.

Especiallynotwiththisone.

IthoughtbacktolastSaturdaynightasIscrubbedmyself.WhenIfirstsawLaceyatthedivebar,she

hadseemedsoinnocentandoutofplace.Butdespitehermodestcasualclothesandscantmakeup,she

didn’tquitefitthegirl-next-doortype.Shewastoostriking—herfeaturestoofine,hereyestoobigand

crystallineblue,herdarkhairthecolorofchocolatetoolongandsleek.

Andevenasshe’dflirted,smilingshyly,enticingly,therehadbeensomethingsolemnabouther.

Somethingsheheldback.Itonlymademewanttodiginandfindout.Maybeitwasmylineofwork,buta

questiondeservedananswer.

WhenLaceytoldmeshewasnewintown,I’dofferedupmynumberincasesheeverneeded

anything.Plus,Ijustwantedtofendoffthehorny,opportunisticvulturescirclingher.Movingfromone

citytoanotherwasalwayshard,especiallyforawomanalone.ButIdidn’timagineIwasfoolinganyone

withanyideasaboutmychivalry.ShewasahotpieceofassandIwantedtofuckher,simpleasthat.

AndeventhoughLaceylookedlikeagoody-two-shoes,she’dmadeitclearthatshewasinterested.A

fewdaysago,she’dtextedtoaskifIwantedtograbadrink.

I’dsaidsure,knowingDaniellawouldn’tmind.Wehadtalkedalongtimeagoaboutwhatwewanted

outofourrelationship.Wewerethereforeachotherinauniqueway.Itworked.Perfectly,infact.

AfterwhatDaniellahadbeenthrough,herfirstprioritywasstability,andonceshewassafe,having

hersexualneedsmetwasaclosesecond.Romance—letalonemonogamy—didn’tevenmakethelist.

Twoyearsago,Daniella’slastDomhadendedtheirfive-yearrelationshipbykickingheroutand

replacingherwithayoungersub.

I’dbeenattherightplaceattherighttimeandinvitedhertocrashatmyplace.Thishousewastoo

bigforjustme,anyway,andmyjobpaidplenty,soIwasabletotakecareofhereveryneed.Physically

andemotionally.Shetookonmorethanherfairshareofcookingandcleaning—I’dneveraskedherto,

butshedidn’twanttofeellikeacharitycase,soinasenseshetookcareofmetoo,Isupposed.

AndsinceIdefinitelywasn’tlookingforloveeither,wewereagoodmatch.Withnointerestin

messyentanglementsthatcouldleadtocommitment,Iensuredmyworlddidn’tinvolveheartache.Two

distincteventshadledmehere,andthesixyearsIspentontheworld’sdeadliestbattlegroundssealedthe

deal.Ionlywantedeasy,goodtimesfromhereonout.

Ilivedinthemoment,andrightnow,mymissionwastoenjoylifewithoutgettingtieddown.Take

advantageofmynewfoundfreedomawayfromthemilitary.Screwwhateverwomencaughtmyeye.I

gaveDaniellawhatsheneededtofeelsafeandsatisfied,andinreturn,Ihadalive-infuckbuddytotake

theedgeoffwheneverIneededit.Daniellawasabrokenwomanwhowaslearningtobeherselfagain,

andknewhowtohavefun...inmorewaysthantheusualroommate.Wehadworkedhardtogetour

relationshiptowhereweweretoday.

Ileftthebathroom,notbotheringtowrapatowelaroundme.Daniellahadfinishedrestingandwas

gettingdressed.SheglancedatmeasIpassedherbedroom,idlycurious,nowinherblacksatinbraand

panties.

“Youonyourwaysomewhere?”

“I’mgoingtomeetLaceyinhalfanhour,”Ireplied,pausingatthedoortowatchtwosetsof

Daniella’scurves—oneintheflesh,theotherintheclosetdoor’smirror.

Sheogledmymuscular,nakedbody,hereyesdrawndowntomygenerouscock,andIcouldn’thelp

butsmirk.Iknewshelikedwhatshesaw,alongwithnearlyeverywomaninoursmallTexastown.Buta

littlefemaleappreciationnevergotold.

Finally,shelaughedandbrokeourstaringmatchtoputonhertanktop.“You’rehelpingherunpack

rightnow?It’skindoflate.”

“Notrightnow.We’rehavingadrink.”

Daniellahummed,givingmeknowingsmile.“Oh,Isee.Pussypatrol.”

Igruntedinacknowledgment.WithLacey,Idoubteditwasgoingtobesoeasy,butthatwasthe

generalidea.

“Issheafroghog?”Daniellashimmiedintoherbaby-bluescrubs.

Ididn’tmuchcareforthatterm,butitwascommonlyusedtodescribewomenwhochasedafterNavy

SEALsstrictlyforthebraggingrights.

“Idon’tthinkso.Evenifsheis,I’mafewyearspasttheexpirationdate.”AndthankfuckingGodfor

that.Sixyearsofground-poundingintheworld’shottestcrisiszoneshadbeenmorethanenoughmisery.I

didmytime,andhadthebattlescarstoproveit.

Daniellashrugged.“Thosegirlsdon’tgiveashit.AlltheyhearisNavySEALandtheirpantiesdrop

totheirankles.”

“Notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat,”Isaid,lipstwitchingupward.Afterall,I’dhadmyshare

offunwithtagchasersbeforeIquittheservice.Whythefucknot?

“Nah,ofcoursenot.Justseemslikealotofcompetitionfor...what,twothousandguysinthewhole

world?”Shebrushedherhairinquick,hardstrokesandtieditupinahighponytail.“Anyway,ifyou’re

goingontheprowltonight,IthinkI’llgrabaquickbitewiththegirlsbeforewecarpooltothehospital.”

Ichuckledatthementalimage—agaggleofpastel-cladnursesinvadingthegreasyspoonaroundthe

corner.“Youwantmetodriveyou?”

“Onyourwaytothebar?Whereyou’llbedrinking?Withanotherwoman?Hellno.Wouldn’twantto

imposeonyourdate.”Shewavedmeaway.“Now,stopstaringatmyassandgohavefun.You’regoingto

belateunlessyougetgoingsoon.”

“Christ,woman,sometimesIwonderifyou’rereallysubmissive.”

Withawickedgrin,sheturnedtowardmeandheldupherarms,showingthenot-quite-fadedmarks

onherwrists.“ThisisalltheproofIneed.”

Icouldn’targuewiththat.Daniellahadaninsatiableappetiteforroughsex—bitingandclawing,

spankingandpaddling,nippleclamps,hotwax,buttplugs,andespeciallybondage.EverythingIknew

aboutBDSM,Ihadlearnedfromher.

KnowingthatshewasrightandIneededtogetmoving,Iheadeddownthehalltomyownbedroom.

WhenIopenedthedoor,thefatEnglishbulldogonmybedwokeupwithawheezysnort.Onelookatme

andhestartedgrumblingforattention.

“Heythere,buddy,”Isaid,rubbinghiswrinkledback.“Haveanicenap?”

Suttonstaredupatmedolefully.Hewaslyingsoflatthathisfacewassunkenalmostentirelyintohis

jowls.

“Sorry,man.It’sgottabethisway.”

I’dlearnedtoshutSuttoninhisbedroomwhileDaniellaandIwereplaying.Shewasn’tfondofthe

drooling,fartingbeast,andacoldwetnoseontheasswouldkillanyone’smood.SoIalwayscoddled

andreassuredSuttonafterwardtomakeupforthemissedattention.

Afterafewminutesofmypettingandpraisinghimwithasteadystreamofnonsensetalk,theolddog

wasgrinningandwigglinglikeapuppy.Ifinishedwithacoupleofhardpatsontheflank,andthenswept

myhandinashoogesture.

“Okay,nowgo.Ineedtogetthehelloutofhere.”

Suttonjumpedoffthebedwithaheavythud.Helumberedintothelivingroom,favoringhisbadhip,

puffingandblowingashetotteredalongunevenly.

AsIgotdressedforanightout,mythoughtsdriftedbacktoLacey.

•••

West’sWateringHolewasn’taswankyjoint.Itwasthekindofcasualplaceyoucamewhenyouwanteda

stiffdrinkandtorelaxamongthelocaltwenty-somethings.Nofrills.Nofuss.Metalbarstoolsandwood

floors,andlowlightingtokeepthemoodrelaxed.

Inoddedatmyfriendandformerteammate,West,whowasplayingbarbacktonight.Heblendedinso

seamlesslywiththebarstaff,you’dneverguessheownedtheplace.

Westtippedhishead,acknowledgingmewithagrunt.Hewasagrumpyass,butIwasguessingthata

woman—ortwo—couldhelptakethatscowloffhisface.ThatwassomethingWestwouldhavetofigure

outonhisown,though.Nosensegettingmyboxersinatwistoveranotherman’sproblems.

FromthequietcornerwhereI’dgrabbedatablefortwo,Iventuredaglancetothedoor.Laceywas

standingthere,hereyeswideashergazewanderedtheroom.WhenIrosetomyfeet,shespottedmeand

dartedover.Itookamomenttoappreciatetheviewassheapproached.Softporcelainskin,shinydark

hair,atightlittlebodyIwantedtoholddownandfuck.

Shelookedupatthatmoment,andIwasthankfulthepornographicimagesplayingthroughmybrain

weren’tbeingbroadcastthroughthebar.Everyguyinherehadnoticedher,whichwasevidencedbythe

suddenhushwhenshepassedthepooltables,andtheheadsturningasshewalkedby.Laceywasa

bombshell,butinaquiet,girl-next-doorsortofway.

Grinningstupidly,Iacceptedherhandwhenshenearedandpulledherinforahug.Shesmelled

incredible.

“Thanksformeetingmetonight,”shemurmured,hervoicesoft,hergazerestingatmyfeet.

Damn,shewasgorgeous.“’Course,sweetheart.”

Hereyesfoundmineassheslidintoherseat.ItwasagoodthingI’dalreadyorderedusdrinks,

rememberingherpreferencesfromthefirsttimewe’dmet,becausehersmileleftmespeechless.

Therewassomethingcaptivatingaboutthewoman.

Itwasn’tjustherpetitehourglassbuild,orthewayhergazedriftedawayfromminewhenshespoke

ofherpast,orthecuriouswayshewatchedmeovertherimofhermargaritaglass.No,itwasn’t

somethingIcouldputmyfingeron,whichmademeallthemoreinterested.Shewasawalking

contradiction.Abrightsmileandsweetpersonality,butwithasecretdarknesslingeringinhereyes.

Sharpandinquisitive,yetnaive.Kind,yetguarded.

Evenhernamesuitedherinaweirdway.Lacey.Somethingdelicateandintricate,purewhite,

beautifulbecauseoftheskillandpatienceitdemanded.Somethingthatcouldbedamagedordestroyedif

youweren’tcareful.

We’dcoveredallthebasicsthefirsttimewemet.Shewastwenty-three,originallyfromOklahoma.I

wastwenty-seven,aTexasboybornandbred.Shehadoneyoungersister,whileIwasanonlychild.My

SEALteammatesweretheonlybrothersIneeded.

“Whatdidyoudotoday?”sheasked.

Ifilledherinonmyvolunteerworkwiththetroubled-teencampaboutanhourandahalfoutsideof

Dallas.

“ThiskidMartinezissoclose,youknow?Ifhepushedhimself,ifhereallybelieved,he’dhavethe

chanceatanathleticscholarship.He’ddodamnfineinthemilitarytoo.Andhedoesn’tseeit.”

“Yourworktheresoundsverygratifying.”

Ismirkedather.“Itis.WhenIcangetthelittlepencil-dickstolisten.”

Shelaughedandtookanothersipofhericydrink,hereyeslingeringonmineovertherimofthe

glass.Itseemedshelikedwhatshesaw—andnotjusttheoutsidepackage,likemostwomen.Sheadmired

me,mywork.Itfelt...nice.

IfIweresmarter,Imighthavebeenonhighalertaboutwhyshewassuddenlyhereinthissmalltown,

battingthosefuck-meeyesatme.Mycock,however,didn’tgiveaflyingfuckaboutsuchthings.Iwanted

tobeburiedsixwaysfromSundayinsidethisgorgeousnewwoman.Andwithanyluck,Iwouldbe.

Butmysituationrequiredalittlemorefinessethanmostmen’s.Ihadabsolutelynoplanstochange

myarrangementwithDaniella,andLaceydidn’tseemlikethetypeforone-nightstandsorbootycalls.

Thecontrastbetweenthemmademycockache.Daniellawastallandelegantandtranquil—atleast,

untilbondageunleashedherwildside.Laceywaslittleandrestlessandcurvyunderherunassuming

clothes.Iimaginedpickingheruplikeatoyandfuckingheragainstawall.I’dtradedgruelingSEAL

workoutsforamorereasonableroutine,butmybodywasstillcuttorivalanygymrat’s,andIwouldbe

abletoholdupLaceythroughorgasmafterorgasm.Untilshesaggedinmyarms,finallycalm.

Thetwowomencouldn’thavebeenmoredifferent.Whereonewasdark,withherravenoussexual

cravingsandwickedpleasures,theotherwaslightwithherinnocentsmileandguardedreactions.Butshe

stillhadthatgleaminhereyelikeshewasinterestedinalittlefun.

Whatwouldshefeellike,hersmall,voluptuousbodymovingovermineassherodemythicklength?

Wouldsherockslowlybackandforth,orbounceonmehardandfast?Wouldshemakesoftmewling

whimpersorscreamoutherpleasure?

“Whataboutyou?Doyoulivealone?”Laceywasasking.

Ihadn’tbeenpayingattention.Wassheimplyingthatshewantedtogobacktomyplace?

Ishookmyhead,moreatmyselfthanher.Fuck,man,slowdown.Ineededtoreininmylibido.IfI

didn’tconcentrateontheconversationhere,therealLaceywouldneverturnintomynaked,writhing

fantasy.

“No,I’vegotoneroommate,”Ireplied.“Butsheworksweirdhours,soIhavetheplacetomyselfa

lot.”

“Didyousayshe?”Afteramoment’spause,Laceyasked,“Issheyour...friend?”

Iknewwhatshereallywantedtoask,andIwasn’tashamedoftheanswer.Soitwashightimetocut

tothechaseandgiveherfulldisclosure.

“Sortof.Oursituationisunconventional,”Isaid.“Wearefriends...whoalsosleeptogether

sometimes.Butwe’renotexclusive.”

Laceyblinked,herexpressionunreadable.Wassheoffended?Disgusted?Orwasshejuststartled

andtakingaminutetoprocesseverything?

“I’mtellingyouthissothere’snoconfusionorhurtfeelingsdowntheroad.Ifyou’renotinterestedin

meanymore,Iunderstandcompletely.ButDaniella’sanimportantpartofmylife.”

Anotherslow,big-eyedblink.JustasIstartedpreparingforhertofreakout,shereplied,“Solongas

youdon’texpectmetohaveathreesome,we’recool.”Andthenshesippedathermargarita,ascasualas

couldbe.

Myeyebrowsraisedslightly.Well,hell.Thathadgonebetterthanexpected.Thegoodgirljustkept

onsurprisingme.Butdespiteherairytone,Icouldtellshehadopinionsthatshewaskeepingtoherself.

“Tellmewhatyou’rethinking,Lacey,”Isaid,mytoneleavingnoroomfornegotiation.

ThelastthingIwantedwasaloverwhoactedchill,tryingtobesomeoneshewasn’t,untilshe

couldn’tkeepalidonherresentmentanymore.

ChapterTwo

Lacey

Takingasipofmymargarita,Ifoughttomaintainaneutralexpression,evenwhilemystomachhad

jumpedintomythroatandthelimefrommydrinkburnedlikeacidonmytongue.

Whenthedangerouslysexymanseatedbeforemeadmittedthathehadanotherlover,myfirstinstinct

wastoabort.Run,commonsensedemanded.Therestlesssideofme,however,waswillingtohearhim

out.

Anopenrelationshipwasnotconventionalinmyworld.Thingslikethisdidn’thappenwhereIwas

from.Atleast,notthatIwasawareof.ButIwasn’tlookingforaboyfriend,orevenmonogamy.SoIput

onmybestopen-mindedexpressionandlistenedtowhathehadtosay.

Hearinghimtalkabouther,though,itwasclearthatshehadaspecialplaceinhislife.Ididn’t

understandityet,butthewomanobviouslyfilledauniquerole.

“Tellmewhatyou’rethinking,Lacey,”Nolansaid.

Mynameonhislipswaslikeasoftplea.TherewasnowayIcouldlietohim—atleast,notabout

this—evenifI’dwantedto.Hewaseverybitthefirm-temperedalphamaleIdreamedhemightbe.

Formermilitaryspecialforces,decoratedincombat,andnowacivilian,butcertainlynotsoft.

“It’sanunusualarrangement,butaslongasyou’reupfrontwitheverything,Idon’tseeanyharm.”I

didn’tknowifmywordswerethecompletetruth,butwhowasItojudgehissituation?Ihadplentyof

baggageofmyown.

Isupposeditwasnodifferentfrommostcasualdatingsituationsthesedays.Menandwomanoften

exploredvariousrelationships,multiplepartnersbeforesettlingdown,andatleastNolanwasn’tdoingit

behindanyone’sback.

AsIwatchedhimtakeanothersipofhisdrink,Icouldn’tstopmymindfromwanderingtoillicit

things.Likethewayhisstrongarmsmightfeelaroundme,thewayhislipsmightfeelonmine.The

intensityrollingoffhiminwaves,evenhisscent—theperfectcombinationofcologneandmildsoap—

mademyheartbeatlikeadrum.

“Andallofthis,it’s...coolwithher?Yourfriend,Imean.”Istumbledovermywords,mylackof

experiencewiththesituationshiningthrough.

“Daniellaisdefinitelycoolwithmehavingotherfucks,yes.”Hechuckledsoftly,asifI’dmissed

someinsidejokeordarkreference.“Butsomethingtellsmeyou’renotaone-night,fuck-hard-and-leave

typeofgirl.”

Iswallowed,mythroattighteningashiswordswashedoverme.Theleavepart,notsomuch,butthe

fuckhardpart...thatsoundedprettygoodrightnow.

“No,IguessI’mnot.Ifthere’senoughpassionandconnectionbetweentwopeople,whyshoulditend

atonenight?”

Settingdownhisnow-emptyglassofwhiskey,Nolanleanedcloser.Hisexpressionwasamused.

“Lookingatyou,Icouldn’tagreemore.Ihaven’tproperlydatedinalongdamntime,butyouhaveme...

intrigued.”

“Sowe’lltakeitslow.Friends,”Iadded.Therewasnosenserushingintothis.Ineededtimetofeel

himout.MakesureIhaddonetherightthingbycominghere.

“MightbehardtobefriendswithsomeoneIwantunderme.”

Iblinkedathim.

“Iwantyouinmybed,Lacey.Nousedenyingit.”Histhumbslidacrosstherimofhisglass,the

movementinnocent,yetsuggestiveatthesametime.

AfterIgotovertheinitialshockofhisbluntwords,Iappreciatedhisstraightforwardattitude.The

mancertainlydidn’ttrytohidethings.

“WhatmakesyouthinkI’mevergoingtobeinyourbed?”Iasked,mygazesteadyandholdinghis.

“Iknowwhatyou’redoing,”hemurmured.

“What’sthat?”

Heleanedcloser,placinghiselbowsonthetable,invadingmoreofmyspace.“Playinghardtoget.

YouknowaswellasIdothatmenlikethechase.”

“Soyou’rereallyjustapredator.Nobetterthanacaveman.”

Hisgazecutthroughmelikeaknife.“Instincttellsustoseek,hunt,and—”

“Fuck,”Iinterrupted,knowingfullwellwhatwasonhismind.Thebar’swarmatmosphereandthe

tequilacoursingthroughmyveinshadapparentlyloosenedmytongue.

“Exactly,Lacey.It’snature.NotathingIcandoaboutit.”Thehintofhumorinhisvoicekeptme

fromarguingmypointfurther.

“Uh-huh,”Isimplysupplied.

Itseemedthatthemanwhovolunteeredhisweekendstohelptroubledteenshadquitethedirtymouth.

Iwasstartingtoglimpsehismanysides,andIwantedtouncovermoreofthosecontrastsandangles.I

couldhonestlysayI’dnevermetamanlikehim.

Hesmiledatmeandsignaledtoourwaitressforanotherround.“So,whatisitthatyoudo?”

Itwasstrangehowweknewsolittleabouteachother,yetourconnectionalreadyfeltasdeepand

wideastheMississippi.Tensionandinterestcrackledbetweenus,justoutofreach.

“I’mthenewpart-timeassistantattheanimalshelteracrosstown.Thepayisn’tgreatandthehours

kindofsuck,butIenjoyit.”

Thecheerytoneinmyvoicedisguisedmydisenchantment.Ilovedanimals,andIwashappytohave

ajobthere,butthetendollarsanhourandfacilitythatconstantlysmelledofpoopwasafarcryfrommy

previouslife.

I’dgraduatedwithadegreeinfinancelastyearandlandedatagreatfirmstraightoutofschool,

makinggoodmoney.I’dworndesignersuits,treatedmyselftopedicuresandsilkylingerie,escaped

winter’sdoldrumswithextravagantbeachvacations.I’ddreamedofworkingmywayuptofinance

manager.Butallthatwasonholdforthetimebeing.

Itwasjustmoney,Iremindedmyself.IhadeverythingIneededtolive,andnomore.

“Ananimallover?”heasked.

“Guilty,”Isaid,smiling.

Nolanshookhishead,chuckling.“I’mnotallowedbackinthatplace.”Atmyconfusedexpression,

hecontinued.“It’smoreofaself-imposedban.IadoptedSuttontwoyearsago,butcouldhaveeasilyleft

withasmanydogsandcatsaswouldhavefitintomytruck.”

Iknewjustwhathemeant.Alltheanimalstheredeservedagoodhome.“Andwhat’sSuttonlike?”I

asked,mycuriositypiqued.

“He’sanEnglishbulldog.Orneryasshit,missingafewteeth,andhehasabadhip,buthe’smine.”

Iwarmedattheimage.Sofar,NolanhadbeenanythingbutwhatIwasexpecting.Abitpresumptuous

androugharoundtheedges,lackingthedisciplineImighthaveexpectedfromanex-SEAL.Byhisown

account,hewaslivinglifeaccordingtohisbrain’spleasurecenter.Women.Whiskey.Andapparentlya

penchantforbulldogs.Thatlastthoughtmademesmile.

“Whatdoyouliketodoinyourfreetime?”heasked,drawingmebacktothemoment.

Ishrugged.“Nothingtoocrazy.Decoratingmyplacewithuniqueflea-marketfinds...silkthrow

pillows,prettyblackandwhiteprints.Ienjoyhuntingoutforgottentreasureslikethat.Oh,andIlove

collegefootball.IwenttoOklahoma,so...”Ihidasmirk,knowingtheirhugerivalrywithTexas.

Hescrubbedahandacrosshisface.“Don’ttellmeyou’reaSoonersfan?”

Igrinnedbackathim.Itwastooeasy.“YouthinkI’mgoingtoautomaticallyrootfortheLonghorns

justbecauseImovedtoTexas?”

“No,I’dexpectyoutorootforthembecausethey’rethebestdamnteaminthecountry.”

Thatmademechuckle.Iknewwhatpeoplesawwhentheylookedatme.Afreshfacewithonly

minimalmakeup,alongchocolate-coloredbraidhangingoveroneshoulder,apairoffadedjeans,a

conservativecottontopthatdidn’tshowevenahintofcleavage.Heprobablyhadmepeggedasa

stereotypicalgoodgirl.

Somethinginsidemewantedtoprovehimwrong,toshowhimIwasnotonlyokaywithhissituation,

butopenandcurious.Provetohimthatwhateverhecoulddishout,Icouldtakeit.

Still,Icouldn’tblamehimforhowImusthaveseemed.Myentireappearancescreamedinnocence

andpropriety.ItwasthewayI’dbeenraised.Astheonlychildofasingle,veryold-fashionedfather,

modestyhadbeendrilledintomefromayoungage,andtherewasnothingIcoulddotochangeitnow.

Whichwasfine.

ThiswasthewayIwasmostcomfortableanyhow,andithadneverstoppedmefromattractingmale

attentionbefore.ButasIglancedaroundatthewomeninthebar,withtheirlow-cutsequinedtopsand

sling-backheels,IrealizedNolancouldhavehispickofthelitter.Andtherewereclearlymoreenticing

choicesthanme,yethiseyesdidn’twander,hisgazedidn’tstrayfrommineevenonce.Itsentawarm

rippleofpleasuredownmyspine.

“Maybewe’llcatchagamesometime,”heoffered.Hisvoicewaslowandlacedwithsuggestion.

“Maybewewill.”Iloweredmygazetomysalt-rimmedglassonthetable,wonderingexactlywhat

mightunfoldwiththismysterymaninthecomingweeks.

Fromhisbroadshoulderstohisdon’tfuckwithmeormineattitude,everythingabouthimscreamed

protector.Ihadgrownupidolizingmyfather,thinkingthathisdefiningtraits—stoic,dutiful,protective,

dominant—werewhatmadetheperfectman.

SeeingthosesamequalitiesinNolanlitsomethinginsideme.Itwasmorethanadmiration,ifthe

suddenpoundingofmyheartwasanyindication.Rawheatradiatedbetweenus.Hisconversationmight

havebeencasual,buttheamusementinhiseyesashewatchedmewasprovocativeandsexual.Mybody

answeredwithaheartyhellyeah,mypantiesdampeningasIshiftedinmyseat.

“Comeon,let’sgetoutofhere.”Nolanreachedformyhand,andIplacedmypalmagainsthisin

silentagreement.

Commonsenseflyingoutthewindow,Iwasgoingtoridethiswaveandseewhereittookme.

ChapterThree

Nolan

Ihadn’tbeenhereinyears,andIwasprettysureIhadn’tbroughtawomanupheresincemysenioryear

ofhighschool.Eventhoughitwasthetypeofplacethatwouldbesuretogetawomaninthemood.Itold

myselfIjustdidn’twanttowakeDaniella,butpartofmewonderedifmaybeIwantedLaceyallto

myself.That,andIknewshe’dbethetypeofwomantowanttotakethingsslow.Thiswasmyattemptat

makingtonightcountastwodates.

Backthen,ifmyparentshadcaughtmesneakingagirlintomybedroom,itwouldhavemeantIwas

benchedfromfootballandgivenenoughextrachoresontheranchtooccupyallmyfreetime.Whichwas

whyI’dlostmyvirginityherewhenIwasseventeen.Theplaceheldsomesentimentalvalue.Iwasan

onlychild,andmyparent’sexpectationswereskyhigh.ProbablyhowIendedupinthemilitary.

Disciplineandhardworkwerebredintomefromayoungage.

“Wherearewegoing?”Lacey’ssmallhandtightenedaroundmineasshetrottedalongbehindmein

themoonlight.

“Notmuchfurther.”

Irememberedeachsteplikeitwasyesterday.Thehugebouldersrestingagainstthesideofthehill

createdarockycliff,thevalleydownbelowquietandstill.Farinthedistance,lightstwinkledinthe

darkness.

“Ohwow.”Laceystoppedbehindme.“Isthatdowntown?”

Inodded.Itwasaprettyview.Thepeacefulstillnessofthecountrycontrastedsharplywiththecity

lights,manymilesaway.

“AfterIretiredfromthemilitary,thisiswhereIcamesomesleeplessnights.Justtothink.Andsitin

thequiet,”Itoldher.ItwasalsowhereIcamewhenIwasfeelingsorryformyself,andtomourn

everythingI’dlost.Butmostofthatwasbehindmenow.

“Wouldyouliketosit?”Imotionedtothelargeoutcropthathungoverthevalleybelow.

“Sure.”

ShetookmyhandagainandIledhertothespotwheretherockdippeddown,creatingtheperfect

ledge.Theeveningairwascool,aswasthestonethroughourjeans,andLaceynestledherselfagainstmy

side.WhenIplacedmyarmaroundhersmallframe,shesettledinbesideme.

Wetalkedaboutbandsweliked,concertswe’dseen,andfavoritemovieswithoutanyawkward

silences.Itwasfuckingweird,actually.Ihadn’ttakenthetimetojustgettoknowawomanlikethisina

longtime.Typically,ifIleftWest’swithawoman,wewerefuckingwithinminutes.Andwithinanhour,I

wasbackhomeandintheshower.Alone.

IlikedlisteningtoLaceytalk.Hervoiceheldnotwang,despiteherupbringing.Itwassweetandsoft

andsmoky.Intoxicating.I’dlostmyaccentinthemilitary.FiguredIcouldn’tsoundlikethetough

negotiatorIwantedtobewithagood-ole-boyaccent.

“Doyoutravelmuchforwork?”sheasked,drawingmeoutofmythoughts.

“Nottoomuch.Anightortwooccasionallyisabouttheextentofit.”

Shenoddedasifthatpleasedhersomehow.“Soyouhaven’tdatedanyoneseriously...Imean,been

monogamousinalongtime?”

“Nope.”

“Isee.”

Sheknewdamnwelltherewasastorythere,butwasn’tgoingtopressmeforitrightnow.Goodgirl.

IknewIwasemotionallycrippled.Iknewmylimits,knewthatallIcouldofferwasphysical

exploration.Maybefriendship.Certainlynothingmore.Butwiththiswoman,somethingfeltdifferent.She

waswarmandsoftbesideme,andshewantedtohearmetalkaboutmybackground,myfamily.Shewas

evencuriousaboutDaniella,butkeptherquestionsfairlyneutral.

“Thanksforbringingmeouthere.It’sbeautiful,andit’snicetogetsomefreshair.”Shedrewabig

inhale.“ThingswerekindofrushedwhenImoved,andtheonlyplacesI’veseenhavebeentheinsideof

myapartmentandwhereIwork.”Sheshiftedbesideme.“Haven’tevenhadanormalconversationin

weeks.”

“Notrunningfromthelaw,areyou?”Iasked,lookingoveratherinthemoonlight.

Hergazeswungouttowardthevalley,andItookamomenttojustwatchher.Theslopeofhercheek.

Herfull,lushmouth.Theslendercolumnofherthroat.Shewasstunning.

“Why,wouldthatbeadealbreakerforyou?”Sheturned,smilingatme,buttherewassomethingsad

inhereyes.

“We’vealldonesomeshitwe’renotproudof.”

Ilookedoutintothedistancebelow.Herbattlewoundsmightnotbevisible,butIsensedtheywere

there,lurkingunderthesurfacejustlikemine.

Istilldidn’thaveahandleonwhatwasgoingonhere,buttemptationwhisperedtomeovertherush

ofherheartbeat.Itwascrazythatevenknowingitmightnotendwell,Iwantedher.

Ileftnothingtochanceinmyprofessionallife;everypossiblescenariowasaccountedfor.Sowhy

didIhavethefeelingmypersonallifewasabouttogosideways?

Fornow,Iletmyselfsoakinthesilence.Herheadrestedonmyshoulder,andwelistenedtothewind

rustlethetallgrassesbelow.

ChapterFour

Nolan

Isetuptheconferenceroom’sprojectorastherestofRedstone’semployeesfiledin.Allfourteenofthem

wereveterans,abouthalfformerSpecialOperations.Ifeltathomeinthetestosterone-packed

atmosphere,butsometimesIwishedmyjobfeaturedalittlemoreeyecandyandalittlelessmachismo.

Noteveryonehadlefttheirmilitaryrivalriesbehind.Cockytauntsandtrash-talkingwerethenorm.

MixingaroomfulofformerSEALs,retiredpoliceofficers,andex-DeltaForcewasdelicateenough,but

whenyouaddedintheguyswhobledthemantraonceaMarine,alwaysaMarine,forgetaboutit.

Ididn’tunderstandwhypeoplehungontotheiroldidentities,anyway.AsfarasIwasconcerned,I’d

behappyifIneverheardanotherhooyah!everagain.AndJerryBarton,mycurrentbossandformer

SEALteamleader,hadevidentlyfeltthesameway.CommanderBartonhadwalkedawayfroma

promisingofficercareertostarthisownprivatesecurityfirmasacivilian.

Imighthavebeensittinginaconferenceroom,butasIwaitedforthemeetingtobegin,mymind

wanderedrightbacktothateveningwithLacey.Thecuriouswayshewatchedme,hereyeswidewith

wonderandattraction.ThelusciouscurveshiddenunderhermodestclothingthatIcouldn’twaittorip

away.Thesadnesshiddeninhereyeswhenshespokeofherbackground.Itmademewanttogatherher

upandfixwhateverhadputthatfrownonherface.

Deepdown,IknewIshouldleaveheralone.Shewasanicegirl.Sweet.Unspoiled.ButIhadno

intentionofwalkingaway.NotbecauseIlackeddiscipline,butbecauseitwouldbewaytoomuchfunto

haveher.Underme.Ontopofme.Andthesedays,mylifewasallabouttakingwhatIwanted,whenI

wantedit.I’dlearnedthehardwaythatyouneverknewwhenyoumightdrawyourlastbreath.

ThescreenflickeredonandfilledwithBarton’sstern,weatheredface,snappingmeoutofmyerotic

daydream.He’dbeenleadingtheweeklycompanymeetingsbyvideochat,sincehewasbusyinDCfor

therestofthequarter.Allchatterintheroomdiedinstantly.Theirfounderwasroughlyfifty-fiveyears

old,buttheonlythingthatgaveitawaywashissalt-and-pepperhair;hewasfitterandtrimmerthanmost

menhalfhisage,thepictureofdiscipline.

“Goodmorning,gentlemen,”Bartonannounced.“Itrustyou’veallreviewedmye-mailaboutthis

week’savailablecontracts.”

Everyonenodded.NobodyonearthhadballsbigenoughtoignoreoneofBarton’sdictates.

“I’llbehappytocoordinatetheteam’spreferencesande-mailthembacktoyoulaterthismorning,”

Greysonoffered.

Manyofthejobslistedhadbeenonthetablebefore.Guardingthesamecorporatebigwigs,helping

lawenforcementconductadvancedintelligencetraining,consultingwithstateagenciesoncounter-

terrorismtechniques.Repeatbusinessfromfaithfulcustomers.

Bartonliftedhischintotheside.“I’llreviewandapproveitlatertoday.Ihaveintelonsomething

newthatI’mnotquitereadytosharewiththeteam.”Hiseyescutovertomineandlingeredthere.

Interesting.

Bartonhadanexpertsenseofwhichjobsmatchedbestwithwhichteammembers.Buttokeep

everyonehappywiththeirschedules,healwayspresentedhisopinionsassuggestionsratherthanorders.

Theroomgrewloudagainaspeoplediscussedwhichcontractseachmanwantedtotackle.Real

squabbleswererare,evenforthechoicestgigs;everyonehadgoodmannersandtheirownuniqueskill

set,preferences,andschedules.Therewasalwayssomebodywhocouldn’tworktoofarfromhome

becausehiswifewaspregnant,orneededtoreturnintimeforhisnephew’swedding,orwhateverthe

hell.

Itunedoutmostofmycoworkers’chatter.Iwasstillwrappingupmylastassignment—a

vulnerabilityassessmentandriskmitigationforamajortelecomcompany.Andmybankaccountwas

plentyfat,sowhydrivemyselfnutsbytakingonmorework?Ofcourse,IwascuriousaboutwhatBarton

washoldingsoclosetothevest,buthe’dbringmeinonitwhenhewasready.

Afterabouttwentyminutesofdiscussion,Bartoninterrupted.“Allright,gentlemen,Igetthepicture.

Keepyourselvessafethisweek,andI’llbeintouch.You’realldismissed.”Butwhileeveryonewas

leaving,Bartoncalledoutabrusque,“Maxwell.”

Istoppedinmytracksandfacedthescreenagain.

“Youdidanexcellentjobtheselasttwoweeks.You’remakingquiteanameforyourselfamongthe

FBI,specificallywithSpecialAgentDonovan.”Bartoninclinedhishead.“Hedidn’taskmetopasson

hiscomments,butIthoughtyou’dliketoknow.”

“Icouldn’thavedoneitwithoutmyteammates,”Ireplied.Suchananswerwasautomatic.Amilitary

manalwaysdownplayedhiscontributionandneverstolethespotlight.Plus,thatassignmenthadbeena

cakewalkcomparedtowhatIwasusedto.Justglorifiedbabysitting.

“Thatmaybetrue,Maxwell.ButIrecruitedyouforareason.Youwereamongmybestandbrightest,

andsofar,you’vekeptupthegoodworkandhaven’tletmedown.”

Prideswelledinmychest.Beforetheinkhadevendriedonmydischargepapers,Bartonhad

personallyaskedmetocomeworkforRedstone.Itwasafavor—andanhonor—thatI’dneverforget.

“Thankyou,sir.”Icorrectedtheoldreflex.“Imean,Mr.Barton.”

Myboss’sbushyeyebrowsliftedslightly.Icouldn’ttellifhewasamusedorannoyed.“Atease,son.

We’vebothbeenciviliansforalongtimenow.”

Inodded.AndI’mdamngladaboutthat.QuittingtheNavywasthebestdecisionI’devermade;

joiningRedstonewasthesecondbest.

Outsidethefiringrange,Ihadn’tshotmyserviceweaponinnearlytwoyears,andIdidn’tmissthe

actiononebit.Trainingpoliceofficersandescortingat-riskexecutiveswasawelcomereprievefrom

messySEALbusiness.NottomentionworkingwheneverthehellIwantedtowork.Thatfreedomwas

definitelyoneofmyfavoriteparts.

ButevenifIhadn’tservedunderhim,JerryBartonwasn’tthekindofmanyoucalledbyhisfirst

name.Hecommandedattentionandrespectaseasilyasbreathing.Justlookingintothosesteel-grayeyes

mademybackstraighten—withalittlefearaswellasadmiration.

“There’ssomethingelse.”Hepausedandlookedawayfromthecamera.“Ihaveaspecialassignment

foryou,andit’s...personaltome.”

“Ofcourse.Nameit.”

“Iwillwhenthetimeisright.I’mstillgatheringalastbitofintel.”

Inodded.“Understood.”

Ihadnoideawhatkindofassignmentcouldbepersonaltohim.Maybeavendettaagainstanold

rival.Eitherway,he’dalwaysbeenthereforme,andsoofcourseI’dhelp.

Seeminglysatisfiedwiththat,Bartonendedthevideocallwithoutsayinggood-bye.Iturnedoffthe

projectorandwentbacktomydesk.

Iwasinforalongafternoon.WhileRedstonedidprovidephysicalsecurityforimportantlocations

orat-riskVIPs,weoutsourcedwhatevermonitoringtechnologywasinvolved—alarmsystems,CCTV

feeds,theworks.Iwasn’ttheguyrunningwiresunderpeople’sdesks.ButIknewwhatneededtohappen

andwhotocalltocoordinateitall.Sotoday,Ihadphonecallstomakeande-mailstofollowuponfrom

lastweek’sassignments.

I’donlybeenworkingforafewminuteswhenGreysonambledby.“What’sup?Westillonforthe

biggameonSaturday?”

“Huh?Ohyeah,ofcourse.”Iturnedawayfrommycomputer.“Iwasactuallythinkingofinviting

someone.”Beforehecouldask,Iadded,“Yes,it’sawoman.”

Greyson’smouthtwitched.“Daniellaworkingthisweekend?”

Inodded.

“Youshoulddefinitelyinviteher,then.Icancomecheckherout...seewhat’sgotyouso

interested.”

Oh,forChrist’ssake.IknewwhereGreysonwasgoingwiththis.Hewasn’texactlysubtleabouthis

disapprovalofmylifestyle.Maybedisapprovalwasthewrongword;itwasclosertounease,oreven

worry.

“Sure,whythehellnot,”Ifinallyreplied.“I’lltextherrightnow.”Wehadtalkedaboutcatchinga

gamesometime.

Ipulledoutmyphoneandtypedamessage:Longhornsvs.SoonersonSat.3p.m.myplace.Youin?

Greysonlookedovermyshoulder.“Really,dude?You’retrulythemasterofromance.”

“SincewhendoIcareaboutthat?”IhittheS

END

button.“There.YougettomeetLaceythisweekend.

Now,fuckoffandletmework.”

Withasmile,Greysonwavedhismiddlefingeratmeandleftforhisowndesk.

Isettledintowranglingsubcontractorsagain.ButasIcomposede-mailsandmadecalls,mymind

stilllingeredonmyphone,waitingforLacey’sreply.

Fortunately,Ididn’thavelongtowaitbeforemyphonedinged.

L

ACEY

:I’dloveto.

•••

WhenIgothome,Daniellawaslyingonthecouchincasualclothes,longlimbssprawledoutcomfortably.

Isquintedatthebookinherhands.Thecoverfeaturedayoungwomanfloatinginouterspacewitha

tentacledmonster.

“You’rereadingthatagain?”Iasked.

Sheletthebookdropjustenoughtosmileatme.“Yeah,whynot?Peoplekeepinterruptingme.”

“Sorry,”Isaidwithashrug.“You’reworkingthisweekend,right?IinvitedLaceyovertowatchthe

gameonSaturday.”

“Dutycalls.Thatshouldbefun,though.”Daniellastartedtoraiseherbookagain,thenpaused.“So

she’scoolwithourwholesituation?”

“Yeah,Itoldhereverything.Well,maybenoteverything.Butshegotthegistofit.”

JudgingbyLacey’sbriefmomentofshockonourfirstdate,mylovelifewashardenoughtowrapher

headaroundwithoutaddingBDSMintothemix.Andshedidn’tneedtoknowallofourprivatedetails

rightnow,anyway.Ifthemomentcalledforanexplanationlater,I’dgivehertheshortversion.

“ShesaidshewasfinewithitaslongasIdidn’texpectanythreesomes.”

“I’msurethatbrokeyoursluttyheartintoamillionpieces,”Daniellaremarkeddryly.

“Careful.Youshouldn’tinsulttheguywhoholdsthewhiparoundhere.”Igaveherapredatorygrin.

Shepretendedtoglareback,thenlaughed,andIchuckledtoo.

Daniellawasn’tactingnosy,eventhoughshewasprobablycuriousaboutLacey,andIwasgrateful

forthat.Iknewshewouldn’treadtoomuchintomywords.

Unlikecertainotherfriends.DamnGreyson...

IlikedGreysonalot;hewastheonlyotherex-SEALatRedstone.I’dstayedclosewithourformer

team—West,Shaw,andRyder—butGreyandIstillworkedtogethereveryday,soIwasmoreintune

withhimthantheothers.

Buteventhoughwealwayssteeredclearofeachother’sburiedskeletons,hisbuttinginaboutthe

womeninmylifecouldstillgetannoying.Greysonsometimesgaveadvicewhetheranyonewanteditor

not,whichmademefeellikeafix-itproject.

Istartedtountiemyshoes,thenpaused,realizingIstillneededtobuysomefoodandliquorforthat

weekend’sgame.“I’mgoingbackouttostockupforSaturday.Wantmetograbyouanything?”

Daniellahummed,consideringforaminute.“Idon’tknow...I’llgowithyouandseewhatlooks

good.Ihaven’thaddinneryet.”Sherolledoffthecouchandontoherfeet,droppingherbookonthe

coffeetable.“Letmeputonsomeshoes.”

Attheliquorstore,wegrabbedourcustomarypoisononautopilot—single-maltwhiskeyforme,

wheataleforDaniella—whiledebatingwhatkindofbeerLaceymightlike.Eventuallywesplurgedona

coupleofseasonalvarietypacks.

Thenwewalkedacrossthestreettothesupermarket,wherewepickedupDaniella’sfavoritecrappy

sushiandthesamehugefrozenpizzawebakedforeveryfootballgame.

ShepushedtheshoppingcartwhileIthrewtheitemswelikedinside.Toonlookers,weprobably

seemedliketheperfectpictureofdomesticbliss,justanotherhappycouplegroceryshoppingtogether.

Wehaddoneallofthisathousandtimesbefore,andtherewassomethingcomfortingintheroutine.It

seemedlikenothingcouldevertrulyshakeusup.MylifewithDaniellawasnexttoperfect.Wasn’tit?

Iignoredthegnawingfeelingthatsomethingwasn’tquiterightasDaniellaandImadeourwaytothe

checkoutconveyor.

ChapterFive

Lacey

Nolan’shousewaspalebrickwithdarkwoodenbeamscuttingacrosstheexteriortoformamasculine

archoverthefrontporch.Itwasallonestory,butappearedroomynonetheless.

Itrottedupthestepsatfiveminutestothreecarryingabigplatterofsmokedbrisket,guacamole,and

queso,withabagoftortillachipstuckedundermyarm.NolanhadinsistedthatIdidn’tneedtobring

anything,butmySouthernhospitalitydemandedthatInotshowupempty-handed.AndImighthavebeen

puttinginalittleextraeffortbecauseIfiguredImightmeetDaniellatoday.

Iwascuriousaboutthis“otherwoman”inNolan’slife...hissidepiece.UntilIrealizedthatshegot

therefirst,andsoIwasactuallythesidepiece.

Withastrangefeelingdancinginmystomach,Ihesitatedathisdoor.Shit.WhatamIdoinghere?

Nothinginmylifecouldhavepreparedmeforthismoment.YethereIwas,standingathisfrontdoor,

debatingwhethertoknock.

Juststicktotheplan.

Raisingmyknucklestothedoor,Iknockedtwice.

Nolanopenedit,lookingashandsomeasever.Hisdeepbluegazelatchedontomine.Awarmshiver

pulsedthroughme,bringingawarenessonceagaintotheintenseattractionIfelttowardhim.Hewas

dressedcasually,inawhiteT-shirtthatclungtohismuscledtorso,andloosejeansthatstillhintedathis

powerfulthighs.

Damnit.Eyesup,Lacey.

Withoutaword,Nolanallowhisgazetotraveldownmyfigure,takinginmycasual,yetalluring

ensemble,lingeringovermybreasts,myhips.Itseemedhewasn’ttheonlyonebeingmentallyundressed.

I’dpaidextraattentionwhengettingreadythismorning.Blow-dryingmyhairsoitfellinathick,

straightcurtaindownmyback,slippingintomynicestjeans—darkwashedandslimfittohugthecurves

ofmyhipsandroundass.MyburgundyOklahomaSoonersT-shirtwasjustalittletootautovermy

breasts.IthadshrunkthefirsttimeIwashedit;atthetime,I’dgottenupset,butnowitseemedthatthe

almost-too-smalltopwasablessingindisguise.

Iexpectedsomewisecrackaboutwearingmyteamcolors,butinstead,Nolanleanedinforabrief

hug.

“Youlooknice.”Hebreathedthewordsbarelyaninchfrommyear,sendingwarmthrushingovermy

skin.Itwasthefirsttimewe’dhadsuchclosecontact,andmybodyheatedupaccordingly.

Wecameinsidetothekitchen.Nolanunloadedmyarmfuloffoodontothecounter,nexttoapiping-

hotovenpizza.

“What’sallthis?”heasked,lookingdownattheseveralcontainers.

“Ithoughtwemightwantsomegame-daysnacks.”Ibentdowntopetthedogwhohadcomeoutto

sniffmyfeet.“AndyoumustbeSutton.”

Heletoutagruntandwiggledhisstubbytail.NolanwatchedwithapprovalasIgavethedogafew

goodscratchesbehindtheears.

“IsDaniellahere?”

Justthewoman’snamesenthotjealousyspiralingthroughme.I’dneverbeokaywiththis.Butit

didn’tmatter.Ihadaplan.AndIwouldsticktoitcomehellorhighwater.IjustwantedtoknowwhatI

wasgettingmyselfinto.

“She’satwork.Why,didyouwanttomeether?”heasked,hisbrowsraisedasiftheideaofus

meetingnevercrossedhismind.

Ishrugged.“Ijustassumed.SinceIwascomingtoyourplace...andsheliveshere.”

Heshookhishead.

Asaknocksoundedatthedoor,Iwasstruckbytheunmistakablefeelingthatthingswereabouttoget

awholelotmoreconfusing.

Nolanopenedthedoorandgreetedatall,muscularmanwhostoodthere.Theydidthatthingguysdo,

athumponthebackandaone-armedhug.

“Lacey,thisisGreyson,”Nolansaid.

Greysonsmiledwarmlyatme,givingtheimpressionthatNolanhadsuppliedmoreinformationthan

thatbehindthescenes.

“It’sgoodtomeetyou,Lacey,”Greysonsaid,hisroughvoiceneutral,buthiseyesdancingwith

mischief.

“FormerSEAL?”Iaskedhim,ignoringtheunspokenmessagespassingbetweenthemen.

“How’dyouguess?”heasked.

Itippedmychintowardthetridenttattoopeekingfromhissleeve.I’dbeenaroundenoughSEALs

growinguptorecognizeitanywhere.Morethanthat,Iwasnostrangertotheworldthesemenhadlived

through—theblood,sweat,andtearsthattattoorepresented.Mostwomenprobablythrewthemselvesat

suchstrong,confidentmen,evenbeforetheyfoundouttheirpastprofessions,butIonlyviewedthemwith

ahealthydoseofrespect.

“Verygood,”Greysonsaid,clearlyimpressed.

Nolan,ontheotherhand,gavemeacuriousglance.“Drinks?”heasked.

“Ithoughtwewerejustgoingtostandherestaringateachotherallafternoon,”Greysonsaid,smiling

warmlyatme.

Ichuckledandfollowedthembackintothekitchen.Aformaltourwasn’tnecessary.Nolan’shome

wasanopenfloorplan.Thelivingareaheldtwowarmbrownleathercouchesandaflat-screenTV

mountedaboveastonefireplace.Thekitchenwasallrusticmahoganycabinetsandsmoothcream-colored

granite.Itsuitedhim.Airy,comfortable,andnon-pretentious.

HepointeddownthehallandtoldmeI’dfindtherestroomattheend.Andthebedroomstoo,I

assumed.

“Letmegrabourdrinksrealquick.ThenI’llshowyouwhereIkeepthegoodstuff,”Nolansaid,

winkingatme.

AfterhepoppedthecapoffanimportedbeerandhandedittoGreyson,hefilledacrystaltumbler

withice,addingameasureofwhiskeyandjustasplashofwater.

Noticingmygaze,heheldupthefinishedproductandremarked,“I’mamanofverysingulartastes.”

“Exceptwhenitcomestowomen,”Isaid.Shit.Didmyfilterjustdisappear?

Greysonchuckled,sippinghisbeer.

“CanImakeyousomething?”Nolanignoredmyremarkwithbarelyasmirkonhisfulllips.“A

margarita?”heasked,rememberingmydrinkchoicefromlastweekend.

Hehadafullystockedbarwithexpensiveliquorandcutcrystalglassesforeachtypeofdrink.

Martinis,redandwhitewines,highballs.Long-stemmedchampagneglasses,whichIguessedherarely

used.

“No,actually,Ithinkabeersoundsgood.”

“Sure.”Heofferedmeaglass,butIoptedtodrinkstraightfromthebottle,likeGreysonwasdoing.

“So,Lacey,howdidyouenduphangingoutwiththisdickhead?”Greysongrinnedatmeasheledthe

waybacktothelivingroom.

IchuckledandtookthespotonthesofanexttoSutton.Hegruntedandlookedupatme,thenplopped

hisheaddownintomylap.StrokingSutton’sfuzzyhead,Ithoughtabouthowtoanswer.Thetruth

certainlywouldn’tdo.

“WemetatWest’sacoupleweeksago,”wasallIoffered.

HegruntedandturnedhiseyestoNolan’s.Again,asilentmessagepassedbetweenthem.

They’reobviouslythinkingaboutthesamething...butwhat?

Aswesatandmadesmalltalk,IgatheredthatGreysonwasjustasdamagedasNolan,justasadept

athidinghistrueself.HestiffenedwheneverNolanaskedhimabouthispersonallife,answeringonly

questionsabouttheirsharedworkorthegame,beforeNolangaveupentirelyandfocusedonhisdrink.

ButGreysonwasariddleforanotherwomantosolve.

Eventuallytheroomfellsilentasthegameabsorbedus,andIbreathedalittlesighofrelief.Idrained

halfmybeerandpattedSutton’sheadasitrestednearmythigh.

“Youknow,”Greysonremarkedsuddenly,“awomanwhocanmakebrisketthisgood...Ithinkshe’s

akeeper.”Hehelpedhimselftoanotherbitefromtheplateonhislap.

Nolan’seyeslockedonmineagain.Azingofheatranthroughme.Itwasinfuriatinghavingnoidea

whathewaspossiblythinking.He’dinvitedmeintohisspace,butsofarhe’dbeenquietandimpossible

toread.

Icouldn’thelpbutwonderabouthisrelationshipwithDaniella.Didhetreatherlikeagirlfriend?I

knewtheyhadacomplexrelationship.ButIcouldn’thelpholdingouthopethatifhemetsomeonehe

reallyconnectedwith,thenmaybe...

No.Icouldn’tletmyselfgothere.

Evenwithoutherhere,Ifeltherpresence.Thefresh-cutflowersonthediningtable.Thepumpkin-

spice-scentedhandsoapatthekitchensink.Idoubtedthosewerehistouches.Itfeltweirdbeinginher

territory.Theromancenovelsittingonthekitchenislandfeltplanted.Iwonderedifshe’dpurposefully

leftitthere.Wantedmetoseeit.Wantedmetofeelstrange,filledwiththistinglyawarenessthatIwasin

herspace.

“CanIstealyouaway?”heasked.

Myheartpumpedfaster.“Sure,”Isaid,risingfromthecouchtofollowhimtowardthediningroom

asGreysoncontinuedwatchingthegame.

Nolanpulledopentheslidingdoorthatledtothepatiooutback,andIsteppedthrough.Thankfully

theblisteringheatofthesummerhadfadedintoapleasantlywarmfall.Thesunwasjustbeginningits

descent,leavingtheskytodecideifmelloworangesorprettypinksweretodominatethatevening’sview.

Eitherway,theatmosphereseemedtoglowwithpossibility.

“Iseverythingokay?”Nolanasked,joiningmebesidethewrought-ironrailing.“You’vebeenquiet

today.”

Hehadtoo,butIdidn’tpointthatout.“It’sfine.I’mjustalittleoutofmyelement.”

Andathousandmilesoutsidemycomfortzone.NotonlybecauseofgettinginvolvedwithNolan,

butlivinginanewstate,awayfromallmyfamilyandfriends.Itwasboundtothrowagirloffalittle.But

itfeltnicetohavecompany,andsomethingabouthispresencemademefeelsafe.

Heplacedareassuringhandagainstmylowerback.“I’mgladyoucametoday,”hesaid,hisvoice

low.

Iswalloweddownawaveofnerves.“Metoo.”Imeanteverywordofthat,surprisingly.

Ishiftedmyweight,lookingoutoverhisbackyard.Neatlinesfromthelawnmowerandarowof

well-groomedhedgesattheveryback.Ifonlymylifewerethattidy...

“So,howdoesallthiswork?DoyoumindifIpryalittle?”Mycheeksheatedslightly,knowingall

thequestionsspinninginmymind.Itwasonethingtohearaboutitoverdrinkstheothernight;itwasquite

anothertoseeitwithmyowneyes.

“Pryaway.”Hechuckledsoftly,hishandslowlystrokingupanddownmyspine.

Awarenesszingedthroughme.IthadbeenalongtimesinceI’dfeltaman’stouch.Sixmonths,tobe

exact.

Takingadeepbreathinanefforttoemboldenmyself,Ireleaseditslowly.“Doyoubringother

womenhometoyourbedoften?Andhowdoes...shefeelaboutthat?”Ididn’twanttosayhername,but

Nolandidn’thesitate.

“Daniellahaslivedherefortwoyears,soyes,Ihavebroughtwomenhomebefore.Butotherthanthe

gorgeouswomanstandinginfrontofme,I’mnotinterestedinseeinganyoneelserightnow.Ifthat’swhat

you’regettingat.”

“Doesshesleepinyourbed?”

Heshookhishead.“No,it’smeandSuttoninthere,andsinceshecan’tstandhim,it’snevereven

beenonthetable.”Hishandstilled,givingmetimetoprocesshiswords.“AndwheneverI...playwith

Daniella,it’sinherbedroom,notmine.”

“Play?”Thequestionsprangfrommylipswithoutthought.Damnlackoffilteragain.

Nolanshiftedbesideme,droppinghishandfromwherehetouchedme.Iimmediatelyfeltasenseof

loss.

“Daniella’sinterestsaresomewhat...dark.”

Ashiverofrealconcernranthroughme.Ididn’tknowthisman,notreally.Whatifhewasintothings

Icouldn’tpossiblytolerate?

“Doesshebringmenhometoo?”Iaskednext.Althoughcuriositygnawedatme,Iwasn’tsureifI

wasreadytoheartheextentofhiskinkjustyet.

Hisexpressiontightened.“No.AndnotbecauseI’magainstit—that’dbeprettyfuckinghypocritical

ofme—butbecauseshe’snotinterestedinothermen.She’salwaysbeenaone-mankindofwoman.”Then

hestudiedme.“Whatelseisgoingoninsidethatprettyheadofyours?”

Iglancedawayforamoment,embarrassedthathe’dseenthroughmesoeasily.“Iadmit,I’mcurious

aboutthose...interestsyoumentioned.”Yoursmorethanhers.

“Isee.Well,withoutgoingintotoomuchdetail,Daniellaisasubmissive.”

MybellytightenedintoaknotasmyhunchaboutNolan’sdominantsidecameintoclearerview.

Takingadeepbreath,IremindedmyselfwhyIcamehere.Iwasn’tallowedtofallforthishandsomeman

anyhow,sowhatdiditmatterifhissexualtasteswerealittledarkerthanmine?IgotthebodyguardI

needed,whileNolanandDaniellafedeachother’sneedforkink.Everybodywon.Sowhywasmy

stomachtwistedintoaknot?

“H-howdidyougetthisway?”IcringedwhenIrealizedhowitsounded.LikeIthoughthewas

damagedgoods.Thenagain,maybehewas.

Buthedidn’tevenraiseaneyebrowatmyquestion.

“AfterademandingcareerasaSEAL...”Heletoutadeepsigh,gazingoutattheyard.“Mygoals

aremuchsimplernow.Ijustwanttoenjoylifeonedayatatime,takepleasurewhereIfindit.”

Isimplynodded.Hedidn’telaborate,buthedidn’tneedto.Iknewhehadseentoomuch,donetoo

much,probablyexperiencedlosingteammateshefoughtbeside.Battlecouldmessamanup.Atthevery

least,itchangedthem.AndinNolan’scase,itmadehimharderandclosedhimofftothehearts-and-

flowerskindofloveIhopedtofindsomeday.Hewassurviving,butinhisownway.

“Nowmyworkisn’tquitesointense.I’maconsultantforaprivatesecurityfirmcalledRedstone.

Andwhileitcanbedangerous,it’snotnearlyaslife-and-deathasmypreviousworld.”

Lookingdown,Igaveanodofacknowledgment.IalreadyknewallaboutRedstone,butitwasgood

tohearhimsaythathislifehadimproved.

Chucklingsoftly,hereturnedhishandtomylowerback.“Comeon.Whatelsedidyouwanttoknow

aboutDaniella?”

WasIbeingthatobvious?“Howdidsheenduplivingherewithyou?”

“Iknewherthroughamutualacquaintance,andafterbreakingupwithherex,sheneededsomewhere

tolive.Ihadaspareroom—three,actually—andIofferedheraplacetostay.Rent-free.Nostrings.And

shesaidyes.”

“Thatwasawfullyniceofyou.”Iblinkedathiminwide-eyedastonishment.Itwasn’tsomething

manypeoplewoulddo.

“Trustme,I’mveryfarfrombeingawhiteknight.”Hisvoicedroppedlowerandhishandmoved

slowlyalongmyspineagain.“Ourrelationshipsortofevolvedfromthere.”

Hedidn’tcontinue,leavingmetoguessatthespecificstheirBDSMrelationshipmightinvolve.

“Whathappenedtoher?”Somethingmusthavegonedown,ifshe’dneededNolan’shelpsosuddenly.

“Let’sjustsayshewasprettybangedupwhenIgother.”Hewentstillforseveralmoments,asifhe

waslostinasombermemory.“She’ssafenow,”headded.

ItwasthekindofheroismI’dexpectfromaNavySEAL.Rescue.Relief.Iwonderedifhe’dbanged

downthedoortoherex’splaceandmadehimsuffer.Arushofwarmthspreadthroughmeatthethought.

Nolanglancedatme.“Woulditmakeyouuncomfortabletobeinmybed,knowingshewasjustdown

thehall?”

Ithoughtaboutitforamoment.“Yes,itprobablywouldalittle,”Ifinallyadmitted.

Henoddedonce,asifhewasexpectingmyanswer.“Idon’twanttotalkaboutDaniellaanymore.”

“Youdon’t?”Imurmured,lostinthedeepunendingblueofhiseyes.Theywerestormyandfilled

withtension.

Slowly,heshookhishead.Bringingonehanduptocupmycheek,hestrokedhisthumbovermyskin.

“Ithinkyou’resexyashell,”hegrowled.“AndGreywasright,thatbrisketwasfuckingincredible.”

Ismiledandleanedintohistouchashisgazeloweredtomymouth.Runningmytonguetentatively

acrossmybottomlip,Ifelttheairarounduschange,growmoreheated.

“Ineedtoknowwhatyoutastelike,”hemurmured.

Iblinkedupathim,myeyesstillsearchinghis.ThereweresomanythingsIwasunsureabout,butthe

electricitybuzzingbetweenuswasn’toneofthem.

Leaningforward,Nolanbroughthislipstomineandwaited,asiftogivemeachancetodecide.His

warmbreathghostedovermymouth.

Acceptinghisinvitation,Istoodontiptoeandtouchedmylipstohis.Withonehandstillstrokingmy

jaw,hisothercametosettleagainstmyhip,histhumbrunningalongthebareskinatthewaistbandofmy

jeans.Hepulledmybodyclose,untilIfeltthehardridgeofhimagainstmybelly.Hefeltmassive.My

lipspartedinasilentgaspandhestrokedhistongueagainstmine.

Ourmouthsseemedmadetofittogether.Andtheskillfulwayhemovedhistongueprovokedthoughts

ofhowelsehecouldusethattongue.Mypantiesgrewwetandmybreathingraggedaswekissed.

Myhandswandered,runningoverhisfirmbicepsanddownthefrontofhisshirt,whererounded

pecswaitedinvitingly.

Sexrolledoffofhiminwaves.No,notjustsex.Fucking.IwassurethatbeingintimatewithNolan

wouldbeunlikeanyotherexperienceI’dhad.Andthatexcitedthehelloutofme.Maybetherewas

somethingaboutitsforbiddennaturethatappealedtometoo.He’dalreadybeenclaimedbyanother

woman,andIhatedthatIsawthatasachallenge—butdamn,Idid.AndIwantedtorisetotheoccasion.

“SweetJesus,woman,”hemurmured,breakingawayfrommylips.

Icouldn’tdisagree.Everythingaboutthatkissfeltright.Backgroundsceasedtomatter.Messy

entanglementsforgotten.WhenIwaskissingNolan,nothingmatteredexceptgettingevencloser.More,my

bodybegged.Forsuchastrongandintenseman,Ihadn’tcountedonthesweetwayhewaswithme,the

deep,yetsoftkissesandtendertouches.Hemademefeelsafe,andtome,therewasnobetterfeelingin

theworld.

“Justkeepanopenmind,”hesaid,tuckingastraylockofhairbehindmyear.

Withmylipstinglingandthetasteofwhiskeyonmytongue,Igavehimasmallnod.“Iwill.”

“Comeon.Let’sgocatchtherestofthegame.”

“Okay.”Inoddedagain.

Nolanbrushedhislipsagainstmineonelasttime.“We’lltakethisatwhateverpaceyouneed,okay?”

Thesincerityinhiseyes,hisvoice,madeitimpossibletodisagreewithhim.

•••

AftergettinghomefromNolan’s,mylonelylittleapartmentfelttooquiet,soIcalledmyyoungersister

justtohearhervoice.Brynnwasawayatcollegebutwehadremainedclose,talkingonthephoneor

textingacoupleoftimesaweek.Atleast,untilI’dlitouttoTexas.

“Lacey,whereareyou?”BrynncriedbeforeIcouldevensayhello.“Everythingthat’shappened...

Troy...”Shedidn’tfinishherthought,andshedidn’thaveto.

“Iknow.I’msafe.Andforonceinmylife,Imightevenfindsomethingthatmakesmehappy.”Brynn

knewalltoowellthatmylifesofarhadrevolvedaroundmakingotherpeoplehappy.

“You’renotgoingtodoanythingcrazy,areyou?”

Icouldn’thelpthechucklethatpushedpastmylips.IthoughtofNolanandallthereasonswhyI

shouldn’tpursuehim.Andthereweremany.

“Definecrazy.”Ipushedmyhairoffmyfaceandfloppeddownonthecouch.Quittingmyjobona

whimandnottellingmysisterIwasleavinguntilIwasalreadygone?Yeah,itwasatouchinsane.

“Damnit,Lacey.Wewereraisedbyadrillsergeantofafather,andyouneveroncesteppedoutof

line.ThenshitwentdownwithTroy,andnowyou’regone.WhatamIsupposedtothink?”

Lettingoutaheavysigh,IconsideredtellingBrynnexactlywhereIwasandwhatIwasupto.ThenI

quicklydecidedagainstit.Thelesssheknows,thebetteroffshe’llbe.

“I’vemetsomeone.”Ididn’tmeantoblurtit,butthereitwas,hanginginthesilencebetweenus.

“Ah.Sothat’swhat’sbeentakingupallyourtime.”Hertoneturnedlight,playfullymocking.

Regretchurnedinsideme.Partofmewantedtoconfideinmysister,youknow,forwhenallofthis

wenttits-upandIneededsomeonetofallbackon.ButwhatwouldIsay?Ohyes,he’stall,dark,

handsome,andhehasalive-inlover.No,thatwouldn’tfly.

“Well,thatwas...fast,”Brynnsaid.

Assoonasthewordslefthermouth,Ifeltthemlikeastingacrossmycheek.

“Sorry,”sheaddedafteralongpause.“Thatwasprobablyharsh.”

“Don’tworryaboutit,”Isaid,forcingalightheartedtone.“Ihavetogo.We’lltalksoon.”Itapped

E

ND

onmyphone’sscreen.

SomehowIdoubtedBrynnwouldunderstandmynewlifeinTexas,myjobattheanimalshelter,and

certainlynotmymotivationforarelationshipwithasexy-as-sinex-SEAL.ButhowcouldIexpectanyone

elsetounderstanditwhenIdidn’tunderstandmyself?

Risingfromthecouch,ItossedmyphoneontothemountainofpurplesilkthrowpillowsI’d

collected.Lavender.Violet.Lilac.Plum.

Ifeltrestlessandedgy,butdidn’tknowwhattodoaboutit.

SometimesIletmyselfthinkaboutTroy.Allowedmymindtodriftbacktohappiertimes.Theway

he’dplaywithmyhairandtellmeIwashisgirl.OurFriday-nighttraditionthatwentwithoutsaying.

Bakinghomemadepizzasthatmyunreliableovenalwaysburnedontheedges,thenscramblingontothe

couch,becausewhoevergottheremotefirstcontrolledwhichmoviewe’dwatch.

Wehadaquietandcomfortablerelationshipuntilthingswentandturnedinsane.AndnowhereIwas,

runningfromapastIdidn’tevenunderstand.

ThenIrememberedsomethingmyfathertoldmealongtimeago.Ifitscaresyou,runstraight

towardit.

Ishouldtrustmyinstinctsrightnow,shouldletmyselfpursuetheonethingthatfeltgoodinmylifeat

themoment.ItwasalreadyhardtoimaginecallingoffthisthingI’dstartedwithNolan.

AsIstoodatthefrontwindowwithmyhandsonmyhips,mymindreplayedthisafternoon.Nolan’s

stolenkisses.ThepresenceofDaniellaloominginthebackground.Hisfriend,Greyson,whowatchedus

asifwewerehisownpersonalsoapopera,justwaitingforthedramatounfold.

WasIinsane?Itseemedthatway.ButIcouldn’tdenymyattractiontoNolan.Thebig,broadman

inspiredfeelingsdeepdowninsidethatI’dneverexpected.Ofcourse,hewashandsome,sixfootfour,

muscledfromheadtotoe...butitwasmorethanthat.Therewasadepthtohim,somethingthatIcould

feelwhenhelookedintomyeyes.Likehewasjustwaitingforsomeonetounderstandhim,topeelback

hislayersandacceptthemanhewas.AndIwantedtobetheonetoexplorehisdepths.

AftermyordealwithTroy,thelastthingIwaslookingforwasanothermessyentanglement.Iwas

heretokeepmyheaddown,startfresh,andfindapathwhereI’dbesafeandhappy.Andinstead,after

beinghereforlessthanaweek,mylifewasalreadyturningcomplicated.

Isighedasmygazewanderedovertowardtheparkinglot.Somethingprickledagainstmyspine,

makingmyposturestraightenasawarenesszingedinsideme.

Thatwhitecar...itwasfamiliar.Ithadbeenparkedinthesamespotallday.I’dseenitwhenI

walkeddowntoNolan’sforthegamemorethanfourhoursago.Therehadbeenamansittinginthe

driver’sseatthen,whichdidn’tseemallthatstrangeatthetime,buthewasstillthere.Watching.Waiting.

Theroomchilledandfeelingsofpanicslammedintome.Stumblingbackfromthewindow,Igrabbed

myphone,double-checkedthelocksonthefrontdoor,andretreatedtomybedroom.

Lockedbehindmybedroomdoor,IfiredoffatexttoNolan.Mygrowingfeelingsaside,thiswas

aboutstayingalive.Ineededhim,muchmorethanheneededme.Myplanwasgoingtowork.Ithadto.

L

ACEY

:Wouldyouliketocomeoverfordinnertomorrownight?

ChapterSix

Nolan

Thenextafternoon,IwaswatchingTVwithSuttondrapedovermylaplikeadroolingsandbag.Neither

ofuspaidanyrealattentiontotheeveningnews,butbothofuswereenjoyingourlazySunday.I’d

learnednottotakelife’ssmallpleasuresforgranted.

Whenmyphonedingedontheendtable,Ireachedover,jostlingSuttonandpromptingapeeved

grunt.ItwasatextfromLacey:Canwedodinnerat7:30insteadof6?Sorryforshortnotice;shitstorm

atworktoday.

Wonderingifshemeantthatliterally,giventhatsheworkedatananimalshelter,Itextedherback:I

cancomeoverinfiveminutesandlendahand.

Herapartmentwasjustashortdrivedowntheroad.Fooddefinitelywasn’twhatIcravedmostright

now,butIdecidednottosaythat.Atleast,notviatext.Somethingswerebettersaidinperson,andeven

bettermurmuredintoawoman’sear.

Herreplycamealmostimmediately:That’sokay.Pleasedon’tgooutofyourway.

Irolledmyeyes,knowinghowtheseSouthernritualsofpoliterefusalworked.Itypedoutthenext

stepinthedance:Noworries.Iwanttohelpout.

AsIhitS

END

,IrealizedthatIactuallymeantit.Cookingwasn’taninterestofmine,butmakingdinner

withLaceyactuallysoundedfun.AlthoughI’dprobablyhavetoholdaguntoherheadtogethertoaccept

myoffer.

Aboutfiveminuteslater,sheresponded:Well,ifyoureallyinsist...

“Huh.Thatwaseasy,”IsaidtoSutton.Shestillhadn’tbeenabletobringherselftosayyes,butI’d

expectedafull-blownetiquettearmsrace.

Thebulldogjuststaredbackatmemournfully.

“Sorry,buddy.”

Sheprobablywouldn’tmindifIbroughthimalong—sheseemedtolovethelittlegasbagalmostas

muchasIdid,andsaidgasbaglovedtablescraps.ButIwantedsomeuninterruptedtimewithLacey

tonight.SoInudgedSuttontothefloor,ignoringhisgrumblesofprotest,andcoaxedhimintomybedroom

withatreat.

ThenImadetheshorttripovertoherapartmentcomplexandknockedonthedoor.Sheansweredin

cutoffjeanshortsandaforest-greenT-shirtwithahowlingwolfonit.Herfeetwerebare,showingpearly

pinktoenails,andherlongbrownhairwascorralledinaloose,messybraid.Exceptforherbrighteyes,

shelookedlikeshe’djustrolledoutofbed—anditmademewanttorollherrightbackin.

“Hey,there.”Hersmilewasalittlesheepish.“Itoldyounottocomeyet...it’sgoingtobesuper

boring.Thepotroasthastocookforthreehours.”

Shemusthavejustcomehomefromwork,washedoffwhatlittlemakeupshewore,andputonher

houseclothes.Hadshewantedtochangeintoaniceroutfitforme?Toopenthedoorlookingprimand

polished,withdinneralreadyonthetable?Thatshynesswaskindofcute.Butshedidn’tneedtotryto

impressme.Shehadmyfullandundividedattentionwithouteventrying.

Ishookmyhead,smilingback.“Idon’tmindhangingoutforawhile.I’vegotnothingbettertodo

today.”AndIcouldthinkofworsewaystospendanafternoon.Laceylookedadorable,herhairmussed

andhercheeksflushedintheTexasheat.

“Inthatcase,”Lacey’ssmileturnedcrooked,“I’llhavetoputyoutowork.”

Ifollowedherintothekitchen.Herplacewassmall,buttidy,withcutefemininetouches.Sheslida

chef’sknifefromherknifeblock,handedittome,andpulledasmallmeshbagofwhiteonionsoutofthe

fridge.

“Canyoucutalltheseintobigchunksforme?”

“Sure,I’dbehappyto.”

Ipulledthecuttingboardcloseandstartedonthepileofonions.

AsIchoppedonionsandpeeledgarliccloves,shewashedandquarteredthecarrots,potatoes,and

celery.ThisatmospherefeltdifferentfromwhenDaniellaandIdidhouseholdchorestogether.Preparing

ingredientswithLaceyfeltwarmersomehow.Somethingsimmeredbetweenus,justbeneaththesurface.

I’dneverunderstoodtheappealofdomesticity.Italwayssoundedsoul-crushinglyboring.Butinthis

moment,Icouldmaybeseewhymymarriedcoworkerstalkedsofondlyaboutcominghome.Seeingtheir

wives’familiar,affectionatesmilesafteralongday,givingthemahellokiss,helpingthemkeephouse.

WhenIfinishedmyshareofthevegetables,InoticedLaceystillworkingonhers.Andtherewere

tearsstreamingdownhercheeks.Whatthehell?

“Didtheonionsgettoyou?”

Sheshookherhead,quicklywipinghereyes.“I’msosorry.IthoughtI’dbefineonceIgothome.”

Rememberinghertextfromearlier,Iplacedahandonhershoulder.“Toughdayatwork?”

Shesmiledsadly.“Somethinglikethat.”

“Youcantalktome.”

Iwasn’tevensurewhyIsaidit;whathadstartedbetweenusasinstantphysicalattractionand

carefreefunwasquicklyturningintosomethingmoreserious.Normallythatwouldbeenoughtosendme

running,butrightnow,allIwantedwascomforther.Holdhertight.Makeherpaingoaway.

“TheyputdownCharlietoday,”shesaidhaltinglyasafreshwaveoftearsfilledhereyes.

“Who’sCharlie?”

“Anoldbassethound.Hewassosweet...Ilovedhim.B-buthewasinkidneyfailure,andthey

didn’twanthimtosufferanymore.”Sheburiedherfaceinherhandsasquietsobsshookhershoulders.

Istoodawkwardlyforamoment.IftherewasonethingIwascluelessabout,itwascryingwomen.

Daniellawasn’ttheemotionaltype,Ihadnosisters,andmymomwasonetoughcookie.Theoneandonly

timeI’dseenhercrywasatmydad’sfuneral.

Thenrealizationstruck.That’sexactlywhatthiswas,butwithoutthecasketorflowers.Laceyhad

lostsomeoneshecaredabouttoday.BeforeIknewit,Ihadpulledhertomychest,shushinghercriesand

tellingherallaboutthelastpersonI’dlost:myoldteammate,MarcusSutton,whomynewbestfriend

wasnamedafter.

AsIspoke,thememoriesrushedback.

Watchingmymombecomeashadowofherformerselfafterlosingherotherhalfhadn’tputmeonthe

fasttracktocommitment.Thespunky,book-clubattending,wine-swilling,foul-mouthedwomanI’dgrown

uplovingbecauseshewassodifferentfrommyfriends’soccermomshadbeenreplacedbyahollowed-

outshellwhowanderedthehousewithavacantlookinhereyes.

Momtendedtohergarden.Watchedtheeveningnews.Occasionallybroughtoverapanoflasagna

forDaniellaandmetoshare.Justwentthroughthemotionsoflife.Sheputonabraveface,butthatkind

oflosswasn’tsomethingthathealed.AndwhileIlovedherasmuchasever,Ihatedthesituationwewere

in.

Lacey’ssobssubsidedasshelistenedtomystory.Iwasn’tevensurewhyIwastellingherallthis.I

justneededtofillthesilence,neededtooccupyherwithsomethingotherthanherownsorrow.

“ShortlyafterIlostmydad,IflewbacktoFallujah.I’dbeenthereonlyafewdayswhenacarbomb

wasdetonatednearourpost,sendingshrapnelflyingineverydirection.”

Laceypulledbackfromherspotatmychesttolisten.Shecouldtellthatthiswastheclincherofmy

story,thefreshestanddeepestwound.

“MarcusSuttonhadanewwifeathome,ahousewithawhitepicketfence,andwaytoomuchonthe

line.Iheldhisheadinmylapandfelthisbloodoozingthroughmyuniformpants.”Myvoiceshook,andI

tookadeepbreathtocomposemyself.

WhatIdidn’ttellLaceywasthatthatwasitforme.AsthelightfadedinSutton’seyes,asingletear

streameddownmycheek.AllIcouldthinkofwasMarcus’sbridewaitingathome,justlikeMomstill

waitedforDad.Herheartmighthavekeptonbeating,butshe’dbecomeaghostrightalongwithhim.I

couldn’tevenimaginetheheartbreakthatFinleySuttonwasinfor.Iknewthattormentwouldlastfor

yearstocome.SorightthenandthereI’dvowedfucklove.Itgotyounowherebutbroken.Nofucking

thankyou.

Laceysteppedbackandwipedhereyesafinaltime.“I’msorryforbreakingdownlikethat.Iknow

losingadogisnothinglikelosingabestfriend,andespeciallyinsuchatragicway.”Hereyesmetmine,

andIcouldseethatshefeltmypain.

“Pleasedon’tapologize.I’mgladI’mherewithyoutonight.”

Lettingoutasigh,shenodded.“Metoo.”

“We’llhaveagoodmeal,andyoucantellmemoreaboutCharlieifyouwant,”Ioffered.

Shesmiledsadly.“No,really,I’mokay.It’sjustgoingtobeweirdwalkingintomorrowandseeing

hisbedempty.IthinkthisisjusthittingmehardbecauseI’mhomesick.I’mfeelingextraemotional.”

“Trustme,Iunderstandlossmorethananyone.Youcantalktomeaboutitifithelps.”

“I’llkeepthatinmind.”

Decidingthatthebestthingtodowastokeepusoccupied,Ifoundthebutter,greasedtheDutchoven

standingonthestove,andswitchedontheheatsoitwouldbereadytosauté.Iturnedaroundtograbthe

onionsandsawLaceywatchingme.

“What?”IgrinnedasIpouredtheonionsintothepot.Theysmokedwithasatisfyinghissasthey

touchedthehotbutter.“Surprisedtoseeamancook?”

Sheblinked,hercheeksturningalittlepink.Maybeshe’dbeenstaringatmeforadifferentreason.

WasshesurprisedIhadasoftsideundermythick,war-batteredexterior?

“N-notreally,”shereplied.“Iknowthemilitarymakesyoudomessdutyandlearnsomehome-ec

skills.”

Ohyeah.Irememberedthatshe’drecognizedGreyson’stridenttattoolastnight.Usuallywomen

eitherhadnoideawhatitmeantorinstantlydroppedtheirpanties.

“HowdoyouknowsomuchabouttheNavy,anyway?Youhavearelativewhoserved?”

Laceytensed.“Yeah,a...relative.”

Theoddtonetohervoicesignaleditwasclearlyasensitivetopicforher.Ishouldprobablybackoff;

nopointindiggingintosomethingshedidn’twanttodiscuss.Especiallynotwiththedayshe’dhad.

Tochangethesubject,Iasked,“Sowheredidyoulearntocook?Yourmomteachyou?”Istoodback

soshecouldaddherbrimmingbowlofvegetablestothepot.

Sheshookherhead.“No,itwasourhousekeeper.”Shepointedtothesteamingpot.“Thoseonlyneed

tosearforaminute.Putthembackinthebowlwhenyouseebrown.”

“Ahousekeeper,huh?Wasyourfamilywelloff,then?”Istirredthevegetablesinquick,efficient

figure-eights.

Sheforcedalittlelaugh.Hersomberexpressionbotheredmemorethanitshouldhave.“Notreally.

Dadcouldhavecooked,buthewasalwaysworking,andMom...wasn’taround.”

Wow,I’macompletetool.ThatwastwicenowI’dstumbledintoasorespot.UsuallyIwaspretty

smoothwithwomen,ifIdidsaysomyself.Mybedpostcertainlyhadenoughnotchesinit.

“Sorry.”Isighed.“Thatwasnoneofmybusiness.”

Sheshookherhead,andhercomfortingsmilewasgenuine.“It’snotabigdeal.Ithappenedalong

timeago.”

Laceydidn’tseemtocarehowfarI’dstuffedmyfootintomymouth.AndeventhoughIwas

apparentlywayoffmygametoday,IrealizedthatIwasstillhavingagoodtime.Beingherewithherfelt

socomfortable.

Shepulledtherawchuckroastoutofthefridgeandstartedsprinklingitwithsalt,pepper,andspices.

Watchingherwasstrangelycaptivating.Butthevegetablesweredangerouslyclosetodone,soIcontented

myselfwithanoccasionalglanceatLacey’sdelicatehands,massagingtheseasoningsintotheglistening

roast.

Afterthemeatwasalsosearedandsetaside,shepulledoutacartonofbeefbrothandabottleofred

Burgundytodeglazethepot.“IwasgoingtohaveaglassofthisandwatchamoviewhileIwaitedfor

dinner.”Raisingthebottle,shesmiled—invitingly—atme.“Whatdoyouthink?”

Igrinnedback.Now,thiswasaplanIcouldgetbehind.

Wetransferredalltheingredientsbackintothepot,sliditintothehotoven,andwenttothecouch

withtwoglassesofredwine.IsatdownbarelyaninchawayfromLacey.

“Areyousureyou’redoingokay?”

Shetookasipofherwineandnodded.“Yes,I’mreallygladyou’rehere.”

“Agreed.Youshouldn’tbealonerightnow.Didyouhavefunlastnight?”

“Youmeanthegame,or...?”Sheleanedalittlecloser.

Ireachedouttostrokehercheekandsheclosedhereyes,sighingalmostsilently.Isetmyglassonthe

coffeetableandpressedachastekisstohermouth.

Shepulledawayslightly,butonlytosetherglassasidetoo.“Ididhavefun,”shesaidsoftly,brushing

herlipsagainstmine.

Therewasnothingchasteaboutmynextkiss,andshemetmewithequalhunger.IknewIshouldtake

mytime,butfuck,Ididn’twantto.

Iwrappedmyarmsaroundher,flatteningourbodiestogether,pushingherdowntosquirmunderme.

Sheseemedsosmalllikethis.Iwantedtogatherherup,toprotectherandpleasureher,andkeepherfor

myself.

Ittookmeamomenttorecognizethatfleetingsparkofpossessivenessforwhatitwas.Ihadn’tfelt

thatwayaboutawomanforaverylongtime.UsuallyIwascontenttoenjoywhoeverIwaswith,andthen

getthehelloutoftherewhenweweredone.

HoldingLaceythisclose,IcouldfeelherbreathinghitchslightlywheneverInibbledherlowerlipor

strokedmytonguearoundhers.Imappedhermouthforeveryspotthatmadeherkneestightenaroundmy

waist.

DaniellaandIneverkissed,andIwasquicklyrealizinghowmuchIlovedit.Itwasstrangelyhotand

sweetatthesametime.Everythingelseinmylifemeltedaway,leavingonlyLacey—hersoftcurves,soft

skin,softlips,softsighs.

ButIcouldn’tignorethepressurebuildingfastinmygroin.Irockedintoher,grindingmyhardbulge

betweenherlegs.Shesqueakedintomymouth.

“Youlikethis?”Iknewdamnwellshedid—herhipshadstuttereduptomeetmine.ButIwantedto

hearhersayitoutloud.

“Y-yeah,”Laceysaidsoftly.

Irewardedherwithanotherquick,hardkiss.Shetriedtokissback,onlyformetopulljustoutof

reach.“CanItouchyou?”Iasked.

Hersapphireeyeshadalreadygonedarkwithdesire.Assoonasshenodded,Ipounced.

Ilavishedherneckwithlong,suckingkissesasmyhandsroamedherbody,squeezingherplushtits

overhershirt—

OhGod,nobraunderthere;she’dbeenbarethiswholetime.

ShegaveaquietmoanandItookthatasencouragementtopushuphershirt.Eagertomakeherfeel

good,Imovedmymouthlowertolickandgentlybitehersoftpinknipples.Spurredonbythesexylittle

soundsshemade,Ipushedmyselfbetweenherlegs,lettingherfeelhowmuchsheexcitedme.

Laceygroanedagain.

Iwastornbetweenwantingtomakeherfeelgoodandnotwantingtopushhertoofar,toofast.A

quickfuckonhercouchprobablywasn’twhatshe’dhadinmindwhensheinvitedmeovertonight.And

somethingabouthermademewanttotakemytime,savorherinawayI’dneverdonewithawoman

before.

Ibentforwardtokissheragain,longandslow,whilemassaginghergorgeousbreasts.Icouldn’t

keepmyhandsoffthem.Suchabeautifulsetoftitsdeservedtobeworshiped,touched,kissed,licked,

bitten.Thedesiretomarkherskinflaredinsideme,andIonlybarelybeatitback.

Laceyrockedherpelvisuptogrindagainstme,andatorturedgrowlclawedupmythroat.

“Careful,sweetheart,”Iwarned.

Iwasonmybestbehavioratthemoment,butifshekeptrubbingherwarmpussyupagainstme,I

wouldn’tbeforlong.Thethoughtofstrippinghershortsawayandpoundingintohertight,hotcuntalmost

edgedouteveryounceofmygoodsense.

Somehow,someway,Ireinedmyselfin,lettinghersetthepace.Weremainedclothed,kissingand

gropingandgrindinguntilIthoughtmycockwasgoingtoburst.Butourleisurelymake-outsessionwas

strangelysatisfyingonitsown.Morethanenough—atleast,fornow.

Howcouldsuchatameactbesomuchfun?MaybeI’dbeenmissingoutonagoodthingforallthese

years.OrmaybekissingonlyfeltthisgoodwithLacey.

Somethingtoponderforanothertime.

Wecuddledandkissedinfrontofamovieshepicked,somefeel-goodcomedythatleftmefreeto

focusonherwarmsoftnessagainstmysideuntiltheoventimerrang.Thenweservedourselvesthe

delicious-smellingfeast.Atthefirsttenderbite,Lacey’scooofpleasuremademeleanacrossthetable

andkissheryetagain.

Despiteallthescarswe’dbared—ormaybebecauseofthem—tonighthadbeennothingshortof

perfect.Butmypasthadtaughtmenottotrustsoeasily.AshappyasIfeltrightthen,Icouldn’tshakethe

unsettlingfeelingthatthingsweretoogoodtobetrue.

ChapterSeven

Lacey

Whenmybossinsistedonhappyhour,Icouldn’texactlyrefuse.I’dwantedtogohome,getoutofmy

slobber-soakedjeansandT-shirt,andtakeahotbath,butIfiguredonedrinkcouldn’thurt.

Jamiewasarecentdivorcée,andwhileshewasfriendlyandoutgoing,shewasalsoabitlikea

cougarontheprowl.Arabidcougar.

SoonweweresittingatWest’sbar,thesameplaceI’dmetNolantheweekbefore,drinkingjumbo-

sizedmargaritas.Itwasladies’night,whichmeanttwococktailsforthepriceofone.

Crap...somuchforjustgrabbingonequickdrink.Icouldonlyhopemybosswouldn’tdrownher

romanticsorrowstoohard.

Jamiesetherfrostyglassdownonthetable,lookingforlorn.“ThenextmanI’llevenconsiderdating

willneedtohaveasteadyjobandnomommyissues.”

Imadeasympatheticnoisethatshecouldinterprethowevershewanted.Herstandardsweren’t

exactlyhigh,buthey,whowasItojudge?

“Andmaybenotsoselfishinbed,”sheadded,liftingherglassinatoast.“Whataboutyou?”She

hiccupped.“Specialmaninyourlife?”

Ishookmyhead.“No,notreally.”IfoundmyselffeelingprotectiveofNolan,andIdidn’twantto

sharetheintimatedetailsofour...whateveritwas.

IwincedatthememoryofhowemotionalI’dgottentheothernight.Icouldn’tbelieveI’dbroken

downlikethat.SobbedonhisshoulderoveradogI’dknownforallofthreeweeks.ButNolanhadbeen

sosweetandtenderaboutthewholething.HoldingmeasIcried,tellingmehisownstoryaboutthe

friendhe’dlost.IwasquicklystartingtofeelmoreforhimthanIeverdreamedpossible.

Nolan’slovelifewasahotmess,buthewasalsohandsomeandstrongandhonorable.Icouldn’t

walkawaynow,notevenifIwantedto.

SoononedrinkwithJamieturnedintotwo,thenthree.Whenaroundofshotswassetbeforeus,

complimentsofacoupleofguysatthebar,Jamiesquealedandhandedonetome.AsIsuckedonthelittle

limewedge,Irealizedmyheadwasstartingtospin.TherewasnowayI’dbedrivinghometonight.When

Ipassedbythebaronmywaytotherestroom,Istoppedatthecounter,leaningovertoaskthebartender

ifhewouldcallcabsformyfriendandme.Henoddedandpickeduphisphone.

Afewminuteslater,thebartenderwanderedoverandintroducedhimselfastheowner,West.Hewas

atall,muscledlinebackerofaman.Handsome,butalittlescary.

Whenheannouncedthatourcabswerehere,Jamiestoodandgrabbedherpurse,andIfollowedsuit,

thankinghim.Outside,sheclimbedinsidetheyellowminivanandwaved,sayingshe’dseemeatwork.

Asthevandroveaway,IrealizedthatWestmusthaveassumedwe’dsharethecab.MeaningthatI’djust

missedmyride.

“Damnit.”Ilookedaroundtheall-but-desertedparkinglot,wonderingwhatIwasgoingtodonow.

Surelytherewasmorethanonecabinthisentiretown.

ThenIfroze.There,atthebackcornerofthelot,wasawhitesedanwithitsinteriordomelighton.I

couldn’tbesureitwasthesamecarfromlastweek,butcolddreadstillcreptthroughme,raisingthe

hairsonthebackofmyneckandmakingmestepback.

NowaywasIwaitingouthere.I’djusthavetogobackinsideandaskWestforanothercab.

“Comeon.I’mdrivingyouhome.”

Thefamiliarvoicesurprisedme,andIspunaroundtoseeNolanapproachingthroughanopening

betweentheparkedcars.Relieffloodedthroughme,weakeningmyknees.

“Howdidyou...?”

“MybuddyWestcalledme.HerecognizedyouasthewomanIwaswiththeothernight.Saidyou

askedforacab.”

“Andheaskedyouinstead?”

Nolannodded.“I’mtakingyouhome.”Hisfirmtoneleftlittleroomfornegotiation.Hewas

definitelyamanwhoalwaysgotwhathewanted.

Throughmyheavybuzz,Itookamomenttolookathim.HeworefadedjeansandawhiteT-shirt.I

wonderedifhe’dbeenathome,inforthenight.MaybehangingoutwithDaniella.Andhe’dleftthewarm

comfortofhometoheadoutintothenightforme.Atingleofappreciationspreadthroughmeatthe

thought.

“Youdon’thavetodothat,”Isaidinstead.

“I’mquiteaware.Comeon,getinthetruck.”Nolanledthewayandhelpedmeinside.Heglanced

overatmeashestartedtheengine.“Howmuchdidyouhavetodrink?”

“Itwasladies’night,”wasallIsaid.IthoughtIheardhimchucklesoftly,butcouldn’tbesure.

Hedidn’tsayanythingelseashedrove.Thetirescrunchedoverthegravelroadandtheradioplayed

quietlyinthebackground.Withinminutes,wepulledintomybuilding’sparkinglot.Iletmyselfoutofthe

truckandstartedtowardmyapartment.ButwhenIreachedthestairs,Nolan’shandcaughtmyelbow.

“Icanmanage,”Isaid,bothwarmedathisconcernandembarrassedthatIneededit.

“Iknowthat,”hesaid,butdidn’tremovehishand.

Iguesschivalryisn’tdead.

Whenwearrivedatmydoor,hestopped.I’dexpectedhimtowalkmethereandthenleave,hissense

ofobligationfulfilled,butthatwasn’tthecase.

“CanIhelpyouinside?”heaskedinstead,hislowvoicesendingtinglesofheatrushingalongmy

skin.

Thistime,Isaid,“Yes.”

Unlockingthedoor,Islippedinside.Iflippedonthehalllightandtossedmypurseandkeysonthe

table.ThenIjuststoodthere,wonderingwhatIwassupposedtodonext.Iwasn’tgoodatthesegames,

hadn’thadamanrushtomyrescuebefore.

“Doyouhavetoworkinthemorning?”heasked.

Inodded.Itwasonlyalittleafterten,butIhadahunchI’dfeelthetequilainthemorning.

NolanheadedintothekitchenandpouredmeaglassofcoldwaterfromthepitcherIkeptinthe

fridge.“Comeon.Let’sgetyoureadyforbed.”

Iledthewaytomybedroom.Iwasabouttoargue,totellhimIwastoooldtobetuckedin,butthe

carefulwayheheldmyhandandhelpedmeintomyroomspokelouderthananythingelse.Hewasa

naturalguardian,andrightnow,hewasgoingtoseetoitthatIwasokay.

Inmydarkenedroom,Nolanstooddirectlybeforeme,thesoftmoonlightpaintinghisfacein

shadows.Hewasbeautiful.Astrongjawdustedindarkstubble,fulllips,anddark,soulfuleyes.

Ifelthisfingersatthehemofmyshirt.Helifteditovermyhead,droppingitonthefloorbesideus.

Hisfingerswenttoworkonthebuttontomyjeans,andthenhewaspushingthemdownmyhips.Next

camemybra,whichheunsnappedandslidoffmyshoulders.

Hiswatchfulgazewasn’tlustful;itwasn’tsexual.Itwasprotective.AndIcouldsenseitalltheway

tothetipsofmytoes.Standingthereinjustmypanties,Ifeltmybodyhumtolife,bloodpumpingsouth.

“Don’tyouwanttostay?”Igingerlytouchedhisbeltbuckle.

“You’redrunk,”hesaid.Hisvoicewasblunt,andIsensedhiscontrolwashangingbyathinthread.

AthreadIwantedtotugonandunravel.

“So?Wecouldstillmessaround.”

Workinghisbottomlipbetweenhisteeth,heletoutahisswhenIbrushedmyhandlower,

appreciatingthebulgeIfelt.“Nottonight,”hebitout.

Hisrejectionstung,andIcouldn’thelpthefirstthoughtthatpoppedintomyhead.“Oh,soit’s

Daniella’sturntonight.”

“Nottonight,”herepeated.

Unwaveringinmydesire,Ipushedmyfingersintothesidesofmypantiesanddraggedthemdownmy

legsbeforesteppingoutofthem.NowIwascompletelynudebeforehim.Mynipplespuckeredinthecool

eveningair.

Hedidn’tmissathing,hisgazemovingfromminedowntomybreasts.Heloweredhisheadand

kissedonepebbledbud.Justthebarestteasingtouch.

“Not.Tonight,”herepeatedoncemore,hiswarmbreathghostingovermynipple.

Inthatmoment,Iwouldhavedoneanythingheasked.Butinsteadoflettingthingsgofurther,my

perfectgentlemanadjustedthebulgeofhiserection,thenstuffedhishandsintohispockets.“Doyouhave

somethingyousleepin?”

Inodded.“JustaT-shirt.”

HeretrievedonefrommydresserandhelditoutsoIcouldshovemyarmsinandgetitovermy

head.Onequickkissonthelips,andhewasheadedtowardthefrontdoor.

“Lockupbehindme,okay?Therearecraziesoutthere.”

“Iknow.”Boy,doIknow.

•••

SeveraldayslaterIstareddownatmybed,tryingtodecidebetweenthejeansandalightgraysweater,or

theredsundressandboots.Iwantedtolookcasual,butwithacertainmeasureofsexappealtoo.

ThismorningNolanhadtextedme,lettingmeknowthathehadtwoticketstotheCowboysgame,and

hisfriendhadtocancelatthelastminute.AT&TStadiumwasavenueI’dgrownupwatchingonTVwith

mydad;thechancetogothereinpersonwasn’tsomethingIcouldpassup.Neitherwasspendingmore

timewithNolan.

Optingforcomfortable,Islippedintotheworndenimandthesoft,lightweightsweater.Afteradding

mybootsandcheckingmybuttinthemirror,Ifeltoddlysatisfied.Mycurvesfilledoutmyjeansalittle

morethanI’dlike,butIknewtheeffectIhadonNolan.I’dfelttheevidenceofhisarousal,hotandhard

andneedyagainstmybelly.Arushofwarmthwashedovermyskin,flushingmycheeksatthememory.

He’dheldhimselfback,butmaybethatwasonlybecauseI’dbeendrunk.

Shit.It’stimetogo.

Igrabbedmysmallpurse,double-checkingthatIhadtheessentials—myID,somecash,cellphone,a

littletinofmints,andatubeoftintedlipbalm.Iwasn’tmuchforfrills,butfreshbreathandkissablelips

werehighonmyprioritylisttoday.Becauseholyhell,themancouldkiss.

Closingmyeyesforasecond,Irememberedthewayhismouthfeltonmine,howdominatingand

sensualhewaswhenhemoved.Thewayhistonguestrokedmine,thefeelofhissteelyerectionpressing

betweenmylegs,soclosetowhereIwantedit...

Damn.Justthinkingabouthimmademeache.Ishookoffthedirtythoughtsandleft,lockingthedoor

behindme.

ItrotteddownthestairsandfoundNolanwaitingformejustwherehesaidhe’dbe.Rightnexttohis

bigblackpickuptruck.

Hisgazeswungovertowatchmeapproach,andIcouldn’thelptreatinghimtoanextraswishofmy

hips.Hetooknote,hismouthquirkingupintoalopsidedsmirk,hiseyesdancingwithmischief.

“Youready?”heaskedonceIwasclose.

“Absolutely.”Itreatedhimtoawarmsmile,thankfultohavesomeonetospendtimewithinthisnew

town.Heopenedthepassengerdoorofhistruck,whichlookedlikeithadjustbeenwashed.Thesleek

finishgleamedinthesunlight.

Withoutaclueabouthowtoclimbupintothebeastofatruck,Iplacedonefoottentativelyonthe

runningboard,thenhesitated.

“Upyougo,”hesaidfrombehindme.

Icouldfeelhiseyesonmybuttashishandscametorestatmywaist.Effortlessly,heliftedmeonto

theseat.Themuscleslurkingunderhisshirtweremorethanjustprettytolookat,itseemed.

“Thankyou,”Imurmured,findingmyvoice.

WhenNolangotinbesidemeandstartedthetruck,countrymusicplayedlowinthebackground.I

hadtosmile.Thisquiet,comfortablelifehe’dbuiltforhimselfafterretiringfromoneoftheworld’smost

demandingjobswasenviable.Ontheoutside,atleast,heseemedtohaveitmade.

Leaningcloseandplacingonehandonmycheek,hemurmured,“Ineedtotastetheselipsagain.”

Soitwasn’tjustmeaffectedbythosekisses.

HismouthcoveredmineandIopened,lettinghimstrokemytonguesoftlybutsosurelythatasmall,

murmuredgroanclawedupmythroat.

“Fuck,sweetheart.”Hegruntedoutthewords,yankingawaylikeI’dburnedhim.Hisvoicealittle

strained,hesaid,“We’dbettergo.”

Iagreed,my“yes”soundingjustasbreathless.Myheartwasstillpoundingwildly.Orelsewe’llend

upbackinside,humpinglikebunnies.

AsNolandrove,hishandfoundmykneeandrestedtherecasually.Itwascrazyhowthatonesmall

touchbothheatedmybloodandmademefeelsafe.Wemadesmalltalk,andhepointedoutsome

landmarksaswedrovetothestadium.

Whenwearrived,weparkedinthelargelotandwalkedquiteadistancetowardthestadium.We

climbedthestairsalmostaslongtoreachourseats.Centerfield,twelfthrowup.Theywereexcellent,

withaclearviewofthefield.Butwhenwetookourseats,Nolan’shandonceagainrestedonmyknee,

makingithardtoconcentrateonanythingelse.

“Youdoingokay?”heasked,sendingmeasidewaysglance.

“Fine.”Iclearedmythroat.Getittogether,Lace.He’sashotasaJulydayinTexas,butthat’sno

reasontoclamup.

Hewavedoveravendorandpulledastackofbillsoutofhispocket.“Whatwouldyoulike?”he

askedme.

“Whateveryou’rehavingisfine.”He’dalreadytreatedmetothegame,andIdidn’twanttobepicky.

Heorderedustwobeersandstadiumdogs,tippingthevendorwell.Theman’seyeswidenedandhe

thankedNolanprofusely.

Nolanwasamanoffewwords,butitwasinthesequietmomentsthatIlearnedthemostabouthim.

Notonlywasheatough,kick-assex-SEAL,buthewaskind,generous,andwarmhearted.The

combinationwasenoughtokick-startmylibidoanddampenmypantieswithoutevenaddinginhisrugged

goodlooks.

Beingaroundhimwaseasy,andonceIhadacoldbeerandawarmhotdoginmyhands,Ibeganto

relaxalittle.Itookabigbiteofmyfoodandsettledintomyseat.

“So,whatmadeyouwanttobecomeaSEAL?”Iasked,expectingthatithadbeenalifelongdream

fromthetimehewasjustalittleboywithatoygunstrappedtohiswaistandafortinhisbackyard.

Nolanlookeddownatthefield,hisexpressionstark,hisdarkeyesblank.“Igrewuparancher’skid,

andIwantedtoseemoreoftheworldthantheflatprairieinsideourfourfenceposts.”

Inoddedalong,afraidI’dstruckachordthatwouldsourtheplayfulmood.“Fairenough.”

“Butitturnedoutthatwasprettyfuckingselfishofme.Mydadhadamassiveheartattackinthefield

onedaywhilehewasworking,andwithnoonetheretohelp,noonetocall911...”

Heletoutadeepsighandhiseyesshiftedaway,takingseveralmomentsbeforehecontinued.“Istill

askmyselfifI’dbeentherethatday,maybehe’dstillbearound.Maybemymomwouldn’tlookatme

withthoseblank,hauntedeyes,likeshewaswonderingtheexactsamething.”

Ireachedoverandsilentlyplacedmyhandonhisknee,hopingthetouchhadthesamecalmingeffect

ithadhadonmeearlier.

“Mymomsoldoffallthelandhelovedsomuch.Idon’tthinkshelikedthethoughtthatthelandwas

ultimatelywhattookhimfromher.”

Somethingtuggedinsidemychest.IwishedlikehellIcouldfixthisforhim,butdeepdown,Iknew

nothingeverwould.Sometimesourgreatestscarsaretheoneswedon’twearfortheworldtosee.

They’reburiedinsideourhearts.

IgavehimtheonlycomfortIcould.“Iknowyourdadwouldbeveryproudofyou.Ifhe’dknown

whatasuccessfulandcourageousmanyou’vebecome,heneverwouldhavewantedyoutostayhome.

Justthinkofallthethingsyoucouldn’tfulfillifyoudidn’tleave.”

Nolansmiledatme,buthisthoughtsstillseemedfaraway.“Maybe.Enoughaboutthat,though.I

meanttodaytobefun.”

Isqueezedhisthighinsilentunderstanding.“Anotherbeer?”Iwaveddownthevendoragain.“My

treatthistime.”

“DidItellyouthatyoulookbeautifultoday?”heasked,leaningacrossthespacetoplacehislipsat

myneck.

Mythroattightening,Ishookmyhead.“Notyetanyway.”

“Becauseyoulookfuckingstunning,”hewhisperedagainstmyskin.

Maybesexwashiswayofdealingwiththedemonsofhispast.Adistraction,arelease.Isthatwhat

hisarrangementwithDaniellaisabout?Orishejusttoomuchforonewomantohandle?Arushof

warmthsettledinmychestatthethought.

Withourseconddrinksinhand,theearlierlightheartedmoodreturned.Soonwewerecheeringand

trash-talkingtheathletesonthefield,enjoyingeachother’scompanyandthecrispfallday.

•••

Arrivingbackatmyplaceafterthegame,Nolanparkedundertheawningthatstretchedalongsidethe

building.Wesatquietlyandwatchedthesunsinklowinthesky.Theatmospherearoundustookonahazy

glowasdayslowlytransitionedintonight.Thewarmcabofhistruckwasscentedlightlywiththedark

notesofhiscologne,swampingthespacewithsexualundertones.

Icouldn’tremembereverhavingmorefun.ButwhenIturnedtotellhimso,thedeep,penetrating

lookinhiseyesstolemybreath.ItwasalmostlikeIcouldreadhiseverythought—andtheyweresearing.

Hisgazewasfilledwithadark,primalurgethatcalledtosomethinginsideme.

“I’mrunningfromsomething.”Thewordssprangfrommymouthwithoutwarning.Andoncethey

wereout—hangingbetweenusinthesilentcabofthetruck—myheartstartedtopound.

“Caretotellmewhat,sweetheart?”

Ishookmyhead.“Ican’ttellyou.I’msorry.”

Hewasquietforamoment.Thenhereachedoverandplacedhishandonmyknee,givingita

squeeze.“Nothing’sgoingtogetyou.”

“No?Whynot?”Hopeblossomedinmychest,andIhungontohiseverywordlikeitwasalifeline.

“Becausethey’dhavetogetthroughmefirst.Andthatain’tfuckinghappeningonmywatch.”

Myheartslammedagainstmychestandmybreathingshallowed.Thosewerethebestwordsonthe

planet;everythingI’dlongedtohear.

ButIknewsomethinghedidn’t.Somethingthatwouldmakehimputmeonthefirstplanebackhome

withoutevenagood-bye.Mysecrethadseemedtoobigandimportanttotellatthetime,butnow,I

wishedI’djustcomecleanfromthebeginning.BecauseIknewthetruthwouldhavetocomeoutatsome

point,andbythen,itwouldbeahuge,uglydividebetweenus.Aninsurmountablelieofomission.

ButNolandidn’tpressme,didn’ttakemebytheshouldersanddemandanswerslikeIexpected.And

hisblindtruststungmorethanifhe’dyelledandscreamedinmyfaceanddemandedIcomeclean.

Iwaitedforhimtosaysomethingmore,buthedidn’t.Whichwasgood,becauseIdidn’thavethe

answersheneeded.

Suddenly,heleanedoverandseizedmymouthinapossessivekiss.Awhimperescapedmeandmy

fingersdugintohisshoulders.Thekissturneddeepandmolten,ourtonguesduelingforcontrol.Iwasn’t

abouttobackdownfromthisbig,powerfulmanwhoheldthepromiseofmyentirefutureinhishands.

Hehauledmeacrossthefrontseat’scenterconsoletostraddlehislap.Themassivebulgeinhis

jeanswasunmistakable.Themanwashung,andapparentlyhiscockwashungry.Forme.Iwantedtofeel

itinmyhand,inmymouth...

“Youtastesofuckinggood.”Hegrunted,pushinguphiserectiontobrushagainstmyclit.

Igroanedashislipsmoveddownthecolumnofmythroatandmyhipscircledjustonce,needingto

feelthehardridgeofhim.Pleasureandwarmthrippedthroughme.Shit.Iwasquicklybecomingaddicted

tothisman.

Suddenlyhishandswereeverywhere—myface,myneck,grippingmywaist,caressingtheunderside

ofmybreasts.Needunfurledinsideme.Dyingtofeelhishandsonmyskin,Iletoutafrustratedgroan.

“Youstillwanttotakethisslow?”heasked,hismouthliftinginasmirk.

“Yes.Imeanno,”Imuttered.

AdarkchucklerumbledinhischestandIhatedmyselfforthatslip-up.Butsomethinginsidemedid

needtotakethisslow.Despitemydarkermotivations,Ididn’tthinkIcouldgivemyselftoamanwhowas

inanotherrelationship.

“TellmeifIgettoorough,”hebreathed,histeethlightlygrazingmyneck.

Thosewordssenttwinboltsofhotfearanddesirethroughme.Hishandsmovedwithgrace,yettotal

control.Hegrippedbothofmywristsinonehandwhilehedevouredmyneck,histeethgrazingmy

collarbone.Hewaspossessiveinallthebestways.

Withmyhandspinned,Iwasimmobile,onlyabletokisshimbackandrubwantonlyagainsthim.

Hisfreehandslippedupmysideuntilhereachedmychest.Mybreastsfeltsofullandachy,asifI

couldcomefromhistouchestherealone.

Nolan’sfingertipsgrazedmynipple,andeventhroughmybra,thecontactwasenoughtoperkitright

up.Hishandcuppedandmassaged,andIlostmyselfinthepleasure.

Hiskissesweredeepandpenetrating.Ifeltthemallthewaydowninmybelly,mypantiesbecoming

wetterwitheachflickofhishottongue.Bloodthunderinginmyears,Iwantedtimetostandstillsothis

momentwouldneverhavetoend.

Rawneedstabbedatme.Thedesiretofeelhisbodyjoinedwithmine,tofeelhimthrustdeepinside

mewasnearlyoverwhelming.Araggedsobbrokefrommythroat,andNolanpulledaway.

“Youlikemyhandsonyou,sweetheart?”

“Yes.”Ipantedoutmyresponse,unabletofindthewordstoexpressjusthowverymuchIlikedthem.

Rough.Calloused.Strong,yetsodecisiveintheirmovements.

Heresumedhissensualassault,kissingandcaressingmeuntilIwasasopping-wetpuddleofneed.

Mybodybuckedupanddownonhis,myclitbeggingforfrictionagainsthisthickdenim-covered

cock.FeelinghowvirileandmasculinehewasmademeforgetabouteverysillyworryI’dhadbefore.I

wantedthedark,roughridehepromised—ashardashecoulddishitout.

Despitemybestefforts,hismilitary-inspireddisciplineshonethrough.Hekissedhard,nippingatmy

lips,yetdidn’ttrytopressmetotakethingsfurther.Buttherumbleinhischestsignaledhewasn’timmune

tomymovementsagainsthim.

Aroughsoundpushedpasthislips,somewherebetweenagruntandagasp.

Iwantedtohearhimmakethatsoundagain,andasoftenaspossible.Mymovementsgrewfrantic

and,impossibly,Ifeltmyselfbuildingtowardclimax.Evenfullyclothed,thatdidn’tstophimfrom

nursinganorgasmfrommybody.

God,howgoodwoulditfeelifwewerenaked?

“Letgo,sweetheart,”hesaidsoftlyagainstmyneck.

BeforeIhadachancetoaskhimwhathemeant,hecuppedbothmybreasts,rollingmynipples

betweenhisthumbsandfingers,andIbuckedwildlyagainsthim.

“Comeforme,”hecommandedagain.“Iwanttowatchthosegorgeoussapphireeyesglazeoverwith

lust.”

Mybody,havinggottenthepermissionIdidn’tknowitneeded,startedthequickascenttoorgasm.

Mytenderfleshthrobbed,myclitpulsingintimewithmyrapidheartbeat.

Icouldfeeltheheatofhimthroughmyjeansandrockedbackandforth,myclimaxrightthere,so

close...

“I’dratherbeinsidethatprettycuntofyours,butrideit,baby,takewhatyouneed,”Nolanwhispered

inmyear.

Hisfilthyencouragementdidmein.Ifellovertheedge,mybodytremblingasapowerfulorgasm

crashedthroughme,makingmecryout.Blindingpleasuresprintedthroughmyveinsanddrownedout

everythingaroundus.

Asaftershockspulsedthroughmybody,Iburiedmyfaceinhisneck,myheartracing.Ishouldhave

beenembarrassedaboutridinghimlikeamechanicalbullinhistruck,butmylusthaddrivenoutany

shame.

RealizingIwasstillplantedinhislap,Iclimbedbackoverintothepassengerseatofthetruck,

discreetlycheckingNolan’slaptomakesureIhadn’tleftawetspotthere.God,that’dbeembarrassing.

Hewasn’twet,buthewasstillrockhard,theentirefrontofhisjeansbulging.

Unabletotearmygazeawayfromhiserection,Iasked,“Don’tyouwantmeto...?”

“No.Youdon’thaveto.”Hisgazewaslaser-focusedonme,genuineconcerninhiseyes.“Hey,are

youokay?”

“Ofcourse.I’mfine,”Isaid.Somethingclickedinmybrain.Asourvoicewhispered,Maybehe

hasn’tpushedyouforsexbecausehe’sgettingitfromsomeoneelse.Therealizationstunghotandbitter

inthecenterofmychest.

“Ishouldgo,”Isaid,drawingmypurseintomylap.

ThinkingaboutDaniellashouldn’tbothermesomuch.Ishouldn’tcarewhyNolandidn’twantmeto

gethimoff.Butmythroatwasstillknottedwithdisappointment.

“Hey.Justbreathe.”Heusedtwofingersundermychintobringmygazetohis.“Ican’tpromiseyou

romance,andIsureasfuckcan’tpromiseyouforever,butIcanofferyouthis.Now.AndIpromise

everythingI’mfeelingforyouisreal.”

Inodded,stilldizzyfromthepowerofmyearlierrelease,andutterlyconfusedaboutwherethiswas

allheading.Iwasstartingtofeelsomethingrealforhimtoo.

Andthatwasvery,verydangerous.

Conceptslikerightandwrong,singleorattachedseemedmurkyatbest.

Iwantedhim—plainandsimple.Butwouldhestillwantmewhenhelearnedthetruth?

“I’mgoingtobeoutoftownforacoupleofnights,”hesaidfinally.“ButI’dliketohangoutagain

whenIgetback.”

Inodded.“Okay.I’lltalktoyousoon.”Istumbledfromhistruck,stillinadaze,wonderingwhere

thispathcouldpossiblyleadme.

ChapterEight

I’vebeenwatchingyou.Iknowyourroutines,yourhabits.Youcomehomefromwork,deadtired,and

sometimesmakeyourselfacocktailwhileyouturnontheTV—nottowatchit,justforthebackground

noise.Thenyoutakealongshowerthatfillsthebathroomwithsteam.

Whenyouemergefromtheshower,you’remoreclear-headedandcalm.Butyoualwaysworry...I

knowit.Iseethestressetchedintoyourbrow.

Iknowyouwonder.Aboutme.Aboutthefuture.Youdoadamngoodjobpushingthoseworries

away;I’llgiveyouthat.Butnotquitegoodenough.

Iknowyoursecrets,yourdesires,andtheskeletonsyou’dpreferremainedhidden.ThecloserIget,

themoreyoupullaway.

It’sstrangehowconnectedweare,yetyouhavenoidea.NofuckingclueabouteverythingI’vebeen

through.

I’malmostdonewaiting.Almostreadytotakebackwhat’smine.

ChapterNine

Nolan

ItwaslateafternoonwhenIpulledmyblackpickuptruckbackintomyparkingspace.Theselastfew

dayshadbeenlongandtiring.UnderRedstone’sname,I’dhelpedtheFortWorthpolicedepartment

investigateapuzzlingspikeingangactivity.Apparently,anOklahomaCitydrugringhadimplodedabout

amonthago,andsomeofitsmembershadfledacrossstatelines.

ButIdidn’tgiveashitaboutthatanymore.I’dfulfilledmycontract,pocketedmycheck,andnowI

wasbackonmyhometurf.AndtherewasonlyonepersonIwantedtoseerightnow.

Fortheentiredrivebackintotown,thememoryofLaceyplantedonmylapinthecabofmytruckhad

torturedmethrougheverymile.Thesoundsshe’dmadeassherodemewereburnedintomybrain.

Helplesscriesandshakywhimpersthatwentstraighttomydick,mademyballsdrawupjustthinking

aboutit.Damn.Icouldn’tgetheroutofmyhead.Yetsomethingaboutthewholesituationfeltoff

somehow.Icouldn’tshaketheunmistakablefeelingthatIneededtoproceedwithcaution.Figureoutmy

nextmove.

IturnedoffthetruckandgrabbedmyphonetosendatexttoDaniella,lettingherknowIwasbackin

town.Ididn’tgetaresponserightaway,notthatIexpectedto.Havingbeengonethelastseveraldays,I

wasunawareofherworkschedule.Exitingthetruck,IwalkedstraighttoLacey’sapartmentandknocked

onherdoor.

Whensheopenedit,shegrinnedandthrewherarmsaroundme.“You’reback.”

HeropenaffectionwasdifferentfromwhatIwasusedto,butmywholebodyrelaxedathertouch.

Myhandsettledagainstherlowerspine,returningthewarmphysicalcontact.

Ihadtakenthatout-of-towngiginthehopethatsomedistancewouldclearmyhead.Helpputthis

womansituationintoperspective.ButwithLaceyinmyarms,Isuddenlycouldn’trememberwhatI’d

beenconfusedabout.

“Dideverythinggookay?”sheasked.

Ishrugged.“Yeah,justsomedrugringfromOklahomaCity.Thepolicearezeroinginonthem,and

theyneededsomeextrasupport.”

Shelookedfrightenedforamoment,andIsmoothedathumbalongtheworrycreaseonherbrow.

“Hey,it’sokay.We’llgetthebadguys.Wealwaysdo.”

Shenodded,andherfeaturesslowlyrelaxedasshetookasteadybreath.Iwasn’tsureifherextreme

reactionwasbecausethisparticularjobhitclosetohome,ormaybejustbecauseitoriginatedinher

hometown.Eitherway,somethingprickledinthebackofmyhead.

“I’mgladyou’rebackhomesafe,”shesaidfinally.

Inodded.“Howareyou?Howwaswork?FeelingbetteraboutCharlie?”Laceydidn’treallyneed

metocheckuponher,butitgavemeanexcusetovisit.

Shenodded,lookingonlyalittlesad.“Yeah.Puttinghimdownwastherightdecision.Ijustneeded

sometimetoacceptit.”

“Well,I’mgladyou’redoingokay.Youwanttogetsomedinnerlater?”

“Ijustate,soIwon’tbehungryforawhile.But...”Herhandsflattenedagainstmyback,fingers

rubbinggently.“Wow,you’rehardasarock.”

“Thanks.”Ichuckled.

Sheflushedalittle.“Nothardlikethat.Imeantyou’retense.”Ahintofmischieflingeredinher

smile.“CanIgiveyouamassage?”

Ibentmyheadforachaste,butlingeringkiss.“Isthisanexcusetogetmeshirtlessonyourbed?”

“Ofcourse,”shemurmuredagainstmylips.Thenshetookmyhand,lacingourfingerstogether,and

ledmethroughtheapartmenttoherbedroom.

Ileisurelyunbuttonedmyshirt,watchingLaceywatchme.Shewassobeautifulwhenshelookedat

mesoftlylikethat.Hereyestoldmeallthethingsshedidn’tsay.Thatsheviewedmeasaprotector.That

shetrustedme.Wantedtobelieveinme.EventhoughI’dallbutadmittedmywickedwaystoher,shesaw

pastmysinfulnature—andshestillwantedme.Itwasagoodfeeling.BeingacceptedforwhoIwas,not

forcedintosomemoldofwhoshewantedmetobe.

ItwasdifferentfromthewayDaniellalookedatme.Ofcourseshetrustedme;youdidn’tletaman

tieyouupandfuckyouunlesstherewasahellofalotoftrustthere.ButLaceywaslookingforsomething

onawholeotherscale.Icouldfeelit.Amantocareforher,guideher...andI’dbedamnedifIdidn’t

wanttobethatman.

OnceIwasfreeofmyshirt,Lacey’seyesdarkenedandlitupwithlustfulfireatthesametime.Ilay

facedownonherbed,headonmyarms.Shestraddledmylowerbackandstartedrubbingmyshoulders,

diggingherfingersintothestiffmuscleswithsurprisingstrength.Igroanedaloudatthemixofpleasure

andrelief.

Hazily,ItriedtorememberthelasttimeI’dgottenamassage,andcameupblank.ButIfoundthatI

likedtheintimacy—lyinghalf-naked,pinneddown,justlettingabeautifulwomantendtome.Icouldget

usedtothis.

Itwasstrangehowsuchinnocenttouchescouldbesoerotic.Shegraduallyworkedherwaydownmy

back,unknottingmytensioninchbyinch.Herthighssqueezedmyhipsforbalanceassheleanedforward.

Herroundassfitperfectlyintothedipofmylowerback,andIcouldfeelthegrowingheatbetweenher

legs.

Mycockrespondedaccordingly.Ishiftedmyhips,tryingtogetmorecomfortable,butmyerection

wastrappedundermybelly,andsquirmingonthebedjustmadeitworse.

Laceymighthavetaughtmetoenjoytakingsexslowly,buttherewasonlysomuchtemptationaman

couldresist.Iwantedher,andIknewshewantedme.Decidingtomovethingsalong,Itwistedandtook

herdownwithme,rollingusbothontooursides.

“Whatareyou—”shestarted.Rightbeforemymouthmethersinafirm,hungrykiss.

Pressingherselfcloser,shehookedonelegovermine,andIrockedmyhipsintoherpelvistolether

feelwhatshe’ddonetome.

Laceygroaned.“Itakeityoulikedthemassage.”

“Whatgavemeaway?”Iasked,breathinghardagainstherneck.

“Acertainwaywardsouthernappendage.”Shegroundintomeagain,herhipsmovingagainstmine.

Ialmostchuckled.Almostcalledheroutforbeingtooprissytosaythewordcock...untilherhand

sliddowntomyjeanstounbuttonme.

“Maybeheneedssomeattentiontoo,”sheraspedagainstmythroat.

Ihadn’tcomehereforthisandwouldn’thavepressedher,butIalsowasn’tgoingtoturnheraway.

Wewouldtakethingsatwhateverpaceshewanted.

Tuggingdownthezippertohershorts,Iwasdesperatetotouchherandbringherpleasure.Itwasas

ifeverytimeweweretogetherwasacompletelynewexperience.Fingersandmouthsandheartbeats

thumpingtogether.Andhormonesragingatanall-timehigh.

Ipushedmyhandinsidehershorts,fumblingwhenshereacheddowntogripmydenim-covered

erection.Christ.

Myfingerssoonfoundwhattheywerelookingfor.ShegaspedasIrubbedinslowcirclesthroughher

panties.Evenwiththecottonbarrier,Icouldfeelthefirmbudofherswollenclit.Isuckedinabreath

whenshetightenedherfist,kneadingmyhardcock.

“Together,”wasallshesaid.ButIunderstood.

Onlyalittleimpatiently,Iwaiteduntilshehadunzippedmyjeansbeforeslippingmyfingersunder

herpanties.Igaveasoftgroanatthefeelofherhot,slickfolds.

“God,baby,you’resowetalready.”

“Allforyou,”shemurmuredhuskily.“Touchme,please.”

Iobeyedinaheartbeat,echoinghermoanwhenshepulledmycockfreeandstartedstrokingupand

downwithwhisper-softstrokes.

ThiswasnothinglikesexwithDaniella.Inoursessions,Ialwaysheldmyselfatarm’slength,

preservingtheimageofthestern,in-controlDomthatsheneeded.Mybodymightbindandstrikeand

fuck,butbecauseeverythingwasonmyterms,myheartstayedsafelylockedaway.

Butrightnow,eventhoughIstillhadmypantson—andLaceyhadn’tgottenundressedatall—Ihad

neverfeltsonakedbefore.Staringintohereyeslikethis,breathingherbreath,Icouldn’thideanything

aboutmyself.

Moreimportantly,IrealizedIdidn’twanttohide.Iwantedhertoseetherealme,becauseIknewshe

wouldacceptit.Shesawallmyflawsandweaknesses,allmyregretsandnightmares,withoutsomuchas

aflinch.Insteadshesmiledatthem,asiftosayIwouldn’thaveyouanyotherway.Thisiswhatmakes

youwhoyouare.AndIletmyselfbesweptalongintheoceanofhereyes.

CarefullyIslippedtwofingersinsideher,desperatetogiveherpleasure,tolosecontrolwithher.

Herbodygrippedmetightlyandsheletoutasoftmoan.

IwantedtoknowLaceyinthesamewaysheknewme.Togetridofeverythingbetweenus—nofear,

nopride,justskinonskin.Whensheshivered,mycockthrobbedwithherexcitement,andherpussy

squeezedmyfingers.

Ourarousalechoedbackandforthasifournerveswerelinked.Herpleasurematchedmine,rising

higherandhotterwitheverymoment.Ourarmsandlegstightenedaroundeachotherinanticipation.

Moaningaloud,wedissolvedtogether.

Longafterourpleasurehadfaded,westillheldeachothertightly,legsentwined.Thesettingsunhad

paintedthebedroomwallsingold.IrestedmychinagainstLacey’sforeheadandinhaledthelavender

scentofherhair.Herbreathfannedovermyneck.Ourcheststouchedinagentlerhythm,fallingapart,

risingtogether.

Iwantedtostaylikethisforever.AndthatwasexactlywhyIhadtoleave.

•••

Backathome,IpouredkibbleintoSutton’sdish,tryingtofigureoutwhatthehelljusthappenedasthe

bulldoggobbledhisdinnerwithslobberingcrunches.

I’dneverfeltsuchadeepconnectiontoawomanbefore.Liketheoutsideworldhadjustmelted

away,leavingmeandLaceytobecomeourownuniverse.LikeIcouldseemyownfutureinhereyes.

Thisafternoonwithherhadbeensweet,gentle,incrediblyhot...andutterlyterrifying.I’ddone

someprettyfilthythingsinbed,evenbeforeDaniella,butI’dneverbeensovulnerable,letalone

welcomedthatvulnerability.

Iwenttothecouch,Suttonlumberingafterme.SeeingLaceyhadfeltamazing,butonceIwasaway

fromher,allmyvaguerestlessnessrushedrightback.Ineededtostareattheceilingandthinkforawhile.

OrmaybeIwasalreadyoverthinking.MaybewhatIreallyneededrightnowwassomemindlessTV.

ButjustasIsatdown,thefrontdoor’slockclicked.Daniellasweptinwithaheavysigh.

“Ugh,workwasfuckingawfultoday.”Sheuntiedhertennisshoesandtossedthemintotheentry

closet.“Twonursescalledinsick,andsomejack-offyelledatmebecausehehadtowaitfortwohoursin

theER.Dude,thecandlestickupyourassain’tgoingnowhere.Let’sdealwiththegunshotwoundsand

heartattacksfirst.”

“Wow,thatsucks,”Irepliedinamonotone.

IfDaniellanoticedmydistractedstate,shedidn’tcare.Hertiredsmileturnedhungryasshewalked

aroundthecouch.“Itdidreallysuck.Fortunately,Iknowagreatwaytounwind,”shepurred.

Sheleanedovertorubmyshoulders,pressingthebackofmyheadintohercleavage.Herhairtickled

myneck,andIirritablybrusheditasidelikeamosquito.

EvenanidiotcouldtellwhatDaniellawaswaitingfor.Shewantedmetogetup,grabherarm,drag

herintoherbedroom,tieherup,spankherassraw,andfuckheruntilshescreamed.Butthethoughtjust

didn’tappealrightnow.EventhoughIcouldfeelhernipplesthroughhershirt,piercingsandall,mycock

resolutelystayedlimp.

“Idon’tknow,”Ifinallysaid.Idon’tknowanything.

Allofasudden,Ifeltverytired.I’dtakenthatOklahomaCityjobtoclearmyhead,buthalfaweek

awayfromthesetwowomenhadn’thelpedatall.ThoughtsofLaceyhadkeptdistractingme.Inthe

middleofreviewingwitnessdepositionsoranalyzingCCTVfootage,I’dcatchmyselfwonderingwhat

shewasdoing.WishingIcouldspendtimewithher—notnecessarilyhavingsex,butdefinitelynotina

“justfriends”way,either.Andthenthatweirdmomentinbedtonight...lyingonoursidesfacingeach

other,staringintoherhoodedeyesaswecameaparttogether.

“Youdon’tknow?Whatdoesthatmean?”Daniella’shandspausedonmyshoulders.“Areyousaying

you’renotupforit?”

Shakingmyhead,Ishrugged.“Sorry—”

“No,it’sokay,”shesaid,cuttingmeoffasshesteppedback.“Howdidyourmissiongo?”

“Idon’tdo‘missions’anymore.Butitwentfine—norealhiccups.”Suttonbumpedhisheadintomy

leg,grumblingforattention,andIreacheddowntoscratchbehindhisears.

WhenIdidn’telaborate,Daniellanoddedinresignedacknowledgment.“Well,that’salwaysgoodto

hear.”Shepausedforamomentbeforeasking,“You’restilltakingmetotheNurses’Ball,right?It’sthis

Thursday.”

“Ofcourse...Iremember.Mytuxisatthecleaner’s,butI’llbeready.”Ialwaysfollowedthrough

onmycommitments.Always.

Shesmiled,andIfeltmyselfrelaxabit.Seeingthatsmilewasimportanttome.I’dnursedherbackto

healthafteramassivebrokenheart.

“Don’tfreakout,butIhadanidea,”Istarted.Itwassomethingthathadbeenstewinginthebackof

mymindforthelastfewweeks,andIwantedtohearwhatshethought.

“What?”Sheraisedonebrowincuriosity.

“WhatifItookyoubacktotheclub?”

Afterherexdumpedher,DaniellahadstoppedvisitingthelocalBDSMclubthey’doncefrequented

together.Thatdisappearingacthadhurtalotofherfriendships.ItpissedmeofftowatchDaniellaisolate

herselflikethis.Herexhadbeentheassholehere,butshewastheonebeingpunished.Eventwoyears

later,shewasstilltooafraidofrunningintohimtogowhereshedamnwellpleased.

Shefrowned,takingastepback.“Why?Becauseyou’retradingmeinforLacey?”

“What?No,ofcoursenot.It’sbecauseyou’restrongernow.Ithoughtyoumightbereadytotakethat

kindofstepagain.”

“Ihavenointerestinthat,Nolan.BeingherewithyouisasclosetoperfectasI’veeverhad.”

Withjustthosefewsimplewords,shetuggedonmyheart.Ireallywashersavior.“Itwasjusta

suggestion.”

Herhandscametorestonmyhair.“IhaveeverythingIneedrighthere.Areyousureyoudon’twant

to...”

“Nottonight.”Thewordsfeltlikeacidonmytongue.Seriously,whatthefuckiswrongwithme?

Shesteppedbackagainandstretchedhard,squeakingasherbackpopped.“ThenIthinkI’mgoingto

takeanapbeforedinner.Hollerifyouneedanything.”Sheheadedtoherbedroom—obviouslyplanning

tospendsomequalitytimewithhervibrator.

Butthenshestoppedinhertracks.“Nolan?”

“Yeah?”Iturnedmyheadtoseeherstaringatmefromhalfwaydownthehall.

“Couldsheever...changewhatwehave?”

Hervoicewassosad,hereyessodark.Sympathysqueezedhardinsideme.

“No.Never,”Iheardmyselfsay.“YouknowI’mnevergoingtosettledownwithawifeandkids.”I

smiledathertotellheritwastheabsolutetruth.“That’snotme,babe.”

Shegrinnedback.“Iknowthat.You’relikeawildhorse.Roamingfree,notmeanttobetieddown.”

“Exactly.”

“You’realwaysgoingtowantasubontheside.”

Ididn’tsayanythingelse.Whatcouldamansaytothat?IjustwatchedDaniellaheadtoher

bedroom,untilIheardthedoorclickshutbehindher.

LookingbackdownatSutton,Icuppedthedog’sjowlsandstaredintohissaggybrowneyes.

Whatthefuckwasgoingonhere?Thiswasn’tthefirsttimeI’dturneddownDaniella,butbefore,it

hadalwaysbeenforsomeconcretereason.Iwasnursingahangover,hadtogetupearlythenextday,

whatever.

Istillwasn’tsurewhyIdidn’twantDaniellarightnow.WhymythoughtskeptreturningtoLacey,

likeironfilingsdrawnbyamagnet.WhyIfeltastrangegnawingthatIcouldn’tputmyfingeron—a

naggingsenseofunreality.

AsaNavySEAL,I’dsufferedthroughblood,sweat,andtears.I’descapedfromsixyearsofhelland

builtthelifeI’dalwayswanted.Easypleasures.Goodfriends,goodsex,goodwhiskey.Alaid-back,

well-payingjobwhereIcouldcomehometomyownbedeverynight.

Rightnow,though,allthosehard-earnedrewardswerestartingtofeelinsubstantial.Butwhatmore

didIwantoutoflife?Whatmorewasthere?Theonlythingthatquietedthisstrangedissatisfactionwas

...thinkingaboutLacey.

IletgoofSutton’ssquishyface.Icouldn’tfigureoutwhatIwantedorwhattodoaboutit.Andeven

thoughDaniellahadsaideverythingwascool,I’dheardtheedgeoffrustrationinhervoice.She’dreally

beenhopingforsomerelieftonight.Shedownplayedherdisappointment,tryingnottomakeitmy

problem,becauseshewasn’tthemanipulativetype—butIcouldtellshewasn’thappywithme.AndI

couldn’thelpbutfeelkindofshittyaboutdisappointingher.

Itwasasthoughshesensedthat,asmyfeelingsforLaceygrew,myconnectiontoherwasfading—

andthatmadeDaniellawanttoclingtomeevenharder.Ididn’tblameher.TheideathatLaceycould

representtheendoflifeasweknewit...thatterrifiedmetoo.DaniellaandIhadbeeneachother’s

securityblanketforsolong,andchangewasscary,evenwhenitmightleadtosomethinggood.

Istoodup.Enoughofthisbullshit.Ineededtogetoffmyassanddosomethingproductive,andifthat

somethingwasjusttoconsumeafuckofalotofwhiskey,sobeit.Ineededadvicetoo,andDaniella

wasn’ttherightpersontoask.IalsowantedtogetoutofthehousetoavoidtheguilttripIwassurewas

cominglater.

IpulledoutmyphoneandtextedGreyson:Youhomeyet?WanttogetadrinkatWest’s?

WhenGreysonreplied,Sure,I’mnotdoinganythingtonight,IclippedSutton’sleashontohiscollar

andwentout.Weshouldtakeadvantageofthewarm,breezyweatherwhileitlasted,beforetheevenings

gotchilly.

IwalkedthefewblockstoWest’s,foundafreetableonthebackpatio,andtiedSuttontoitsumbrella

pole.Iorderedwhiskeyontherocksformeandabowlofwater,whichIsetonthegroundforSutton.

Greysonarrivedafewminuteslater,gruntingalow“hey,”andorderedabeer.

Afterafewminutesofsippingourdrinksinsilence,Iputdownmytumbler.“IwashopingIcould

askyousomething.”

“Really?AndhereIwas,thinkingwewerejustoutonanicedate.”Greysonrestedhischinonhis

fist.“IguessthatmeansI’mpayingformyowndrinkstonight.”

“Screwyou,”Irepliedwithoutheat.“It’saboutLacey.”

Greysonsatbackandraisedhisglasstohislipsagain,noddinginasilentgoon.

Istaredintomyamberdrink.“She’sallIthinkabout,man.Iwanttoseeherallthetime,makeher

smile.It’smakingmewonder...”IletmyselftrailoffbecauseIsoundedlikeaGrade-Apussy.

“Wonderwhat?”

Ithrewuponehandinexasperation.“That’sit,man.Idon’tfuckingknow.Wonderaboutmylife.

WhetherI’mgoingintherightdirection.”

“So,whatyou’resayingis,youlikeher.”

“Noshit,Sherlock.Igenerallydon’tfuckwomenIhate.”Actually,Ihadn’tfuckedLaceyatall.We

hadn’tgonethatfaryet.Butsomehow,IfeltmorefromoneofLacey’stouchesthanI’dletmyselffeelina

verylongtime.

“Imeantthatthingsarestartingtogetreal.”Greysonraisedhiseyebrowsforemphasis.

“That...no.What?Noway.”Ihuffedalittlelaughthatdidn’tsoundconvincing,eventome.“You

knowme,right?Theguywho’sneverhadagirlfriendforlongerthanafewmonths?”

“Yeah,Idoknowyou.Andthat’showIcantellwhat’sgoingonhere.”Greysonflashedasmuggrin

thatIimmediatelywantedtoslaprightoffhisface.Thedipshit.“I’veseenthewayyoulookather.And

Daniellasaysyou’vebeenspendingalotoftimetogether.”

Irolledmyeyes.“You’vebeengossipingwithmyroommate?Areyouawoman?”

“Shutupandlisten.It’sobvioustoeveryonebutyouthatyouhavefeelingsforLacey.”

“It’snot—”

“Haveyouevenwantedtofuckanotherwomansinceyoustarteddatingher?”

Givingup,Irubbedmyforehead.Greydidn’tneedtoknowhowclosetothetruthhewas.I’dbeen

puttingoffDaniella’sadvancesforthepastcoupleofweeksnow,eversinceLaceyhadarrivedinmylife.

DespitewhatIalreadysharedwithDaniella,Icouldn’tdenythatIneededsomethingmore.

Somethingmoreprimitive.Thekindofintimacysharedbetweentwowillinglovers.Noropes.Notoys.

Justtwobodiesfuckingwildly.Movingtogether.

Wasitselfish?Probably.

“Okay.Justforthesakeofargument,let’ssayyou’reright.WhatshouldIdo?”

“Sorry,man.I’mjustheretoshinealightonyourshit.Ican’ttellyouhowtohandleit.”

“Well,whatwouldyoudo?”

Greyson’ssmirkslipped.“We’renottalkingaboutmehere,”hesaid,hisvoicealittleicy.Thenhe

quicklyjoked,“I’dfuckituplikealways.Butthisisyou.Wholedifferentballgame.”

“Obviously.Butcan’tyoujust—”Istopped,atalossforwordsagain.Iwasgettingtiredofthis

confusion.“Givemesomethingtogoonhere?”

“Hmm,Idunno.”Greysonpickeduphisglassagainandtookasip.“Iguessthemainquestionis,do

youwanttogetseriouswithLacey?”

“Butwhatdoes‘serious’evenmean?”Isnorted.“I’mnotgettingmarried,ifthat’swhat—”

“DidIfuckingsaythat?Christ.”Greysongavemealook.“There’splentyofroombetween‘no

stringsattached’and‘buriedtogether.’Maybeyoumeetherparents.Maybeshemovesinwithyou.Maybe

youjustsetupastandingdateeveryFridaynight.”Greysonwavedtoindicateawideworldof

commitmentpossibilities.“Justpickastepbeyondwhereyouarenowandtryimaginingit.Doyoulike

thepictureyouget?Thenwalktowardthatfuture.”

IconsidereditasIpolishedoffmylastdropsofwhiskey.AsunhelpfulasGreyson’splansounded—

andasmuchasIdidn’twanttohearit—thatideawasstillbetterthananythingI’dcomeupwith.

Finally,Isighed.“Okay.I’llthinkaboutit.”

“GladIcouldhelp.”Greysongavemeasatisfiednod.“AndyoushouldtalktoDaniellalater.She’ll

probablyhaveanopiniontoo.”

Ohshit.Daniella...andLacey,atthesametime.Thathadn’toccurredtome.Iknewhowtojuggle

multiplecasualpartners,buthavingbothasubmissiveandasteadygirlfriendwasatotallydifferent

matter.Thatwasn’tsomethingI’devercountedon.Thiswasallsupposedtobeinthenameofgoodfun,

butoncerealfeelingscameintoplay...

Greysonwasright.IhadtofigureoutwhatIwantedbeforeshitgotreallymessy.

I’dalwayspridedmyselfonmyabilitytodevelopmultiplecontingencyplans;itwasadamn

necessityinmylineofwork.YetIhadnofuckingcluewhatIwasdoingwithLacey.

Daniellamadesense.Icouldprovideherwhatsheneededwithouteverriskingmyself,withoutever

gettinginsodeepthatmyheartcouldberippedout.Ineverwantedtofeelthatsenseofsoul-crushingloss

everagain.

Sothequestionwas...playitsafe,ortakearisk?

ChapterTen

Nolan

“I’llgetusanotherdrink,”Laceycalledfromthekitchen.“Whiskey?”

We’dmetatWest’sforadrinkafterwork,andthendrinksturnedintodinner,andnowwewerehere,

backatherplace.

“Sure,”Ireplied,butsomethingelsehadcaughtmyattention.Shehadarecordplayeronadeskinthe

hall.

Icrossedtheroomandtwistedthelittleknobonthesideandsoftmusicrosetolife,something

soulfulandunexpected.Awoman’svoicefloatedoverdeepnotesofbassguitar.

Itwasn’tfamiliar,andwasn’tanythinglikethemusicmyparentshadplayedatnightwhenthey

thoughtIwasinbed.I’dsneakdownthestairs,sitonthebottomstep,andwatchthem.Mom’seyeswould

closeassherestedhercheekonDad’sshoulder,asoftsmileplayingonherlips.Theylookedhappy.

Calmandatpeace.

Damn.Ifeltalittlepanginmychest;ImissedthosetendermomentsmorethanI’dcaretoadmit.

Laceycameback,carryingaglassofwhitewineforherselfandawhiskeyontherocksforme.

“Comehere.”Iofferedhermyhand.Shesetthedrinksdownonthecoffeetableandplacedherpalm

inmine.

“Whatareyou...?”shebegantoask,beforeagrintookholdofherlipsandherquestion

disappearedintothedimlylitroom.

Iplacedmyotherhandagainsthertrimwaist.ShesuckedinherbreathwhenIpulledherinniceand

close.MaybeIwasalittledrunk.MaybeIwasfeelingsentimental.Butifweweredoingthis,wemight

aswelldoitright.

“Doyouknowhowtowaltz?”Iasked.

Shesmiledatme.“Notevenalittle.Showme?”

“Gladly.”

Weswayedtothemusic,herchestbrushingmineaswemoved.Herpoundingheartfeltlike

hummingbirdwings.Onesongfadedintothenext,andstillIdidn’twanttolethergo.Shesmelledlike

sweetrainandpeppermint,andIwantedmore.

Afterseveralminutes,therecordstopped,theplayercontinuingtospinwithsoftcracklesinthe

background.

“Wheredidyoulearntodothat?”sheasked.

Iledherovertothecouch,wherewesatdownandeachtookasipofourdrinks.

“MymothertaughtmewhenIwasyoung.Ididn’tthinkIevenremembered.”

Shesmiledatmeagain.“You’reacomplicatedman,NolanMaxwell.”

“AndhereIthoughtIwassimple.”

Shewassilentforseveralminutes.Thenshesetdownherwineandturnedtome.“Fortherightgirl,

couldyouever...wouldn’tyouwant...?”

“No,sweetheart.”Istrokedherhairawayfromherfaceandmethereyessoshecouldseethesolemn

truthinmywords.“AndnotbecauseIcan’tdoit.Iwon’t.”I’dseenwhathappens,feltthecrushingsting

ofloss,anditwasn’tsomethingIcaredtorepeat.“Besides,IhavearesponsibilitytoDaniella.”

“Right.Daniella.”Shelookeddownatherhands.

ThenamerolledbitterlyoffLacey’stongue,butIdidn’tchastiseher.Thereweresomethingsshe

couldn’tevenbegintounderstand,andIdoubtedIcoulddothemjusticeifItriedtoexplainthem.

“Didyouhavefuntonight?”Iasked,hopingtodrawheroutofhersomberthoughts.

Herchinlifted,hereyesmeetingmineagain.“Yes.”

“Comehere.”

Cradlingherjawinmyhands,Ibroughthermouthtomine.HermouthopenedobedientlyandI

strokedmytongueagainsthers,thepressureimmediatelybuildinginmygroin.ThesewerethethingsI

understood.Mybody’sresponsetohers,theneedtoseehercomeundonewithpleasure.

Ipulledherovertostraddlemylap.Sheimmediatelycircledherhipstobrushagainstmyfirmcock,

moaningwhenshefelthowhardIwasalready.Themoodchangedinaninstant,hotneedcoursing

betweenus.

“Youaresofuckinghot,Idon’twanttostop.”Iechoedhergroan,pushingmyhipsuptomeethers.

“Idon’twantyouto.”

Thelonginginhervoicespurredmeon.IrosetomyfeetwithLacey’slegslockedaroundmywaist.

HermouthwenttomyneckwhileIcarriedhertoherbedroom.Thelittlelicksandnipsofherteethwent

straighttomydick.

Insideherroom,Ilaidherdownonthebedandpulledhershirtoffoverherhead.Herbreastswere

perfection;thegenerouscleavagespillingoverthecupsofherlacybrabeggedtobekissedandsucked.

ButIhadsomethingmorepressinginmind.

AsslowlyasIcould,Ikissedmywaydownherbody,stoppingjustbeforeherwaistband.“Iwantto

tasteyou,sweetheart.”

Sheswallowed,watchingme,hereyeswide.

Iknewshewantedtotakethingsslow.Thatwasfine.Wecouldhaveplentyoffunwithoutever

breakingoutthecondoms.Andjudgingfromthehotsparkinhereyes,sheknewexactlywhatIwasabout

todo.Shewasreadyandmorethanwilling.

Iunbuttonedherjeansandpulledthemdownhershapelylegs.AsIbrushedmyfingertipoverthe

frontofhercream-coloredsatinpanties,Laceydrewashudderingbreath.Shewassoaked.

“Thesepantiesareruined,angel.”

Mytonewasharsh,myerectdickstranglingawayallcoherentthought.Iwantedontopofher,inside

her,butIwouldn’tdoanythingshewasn’tbeggingfor.Itookmytimestrippingthewetscrapoffabric

away,appreciatingtheview.Shavedbarewithdelicatelipsconcealingherpinkinnerpetals,shehada

prettycunt,andIwantedmymouthalloverit.Alloverher.

Breathinginthroughmynose,Ikissedherbarepussy,lettingmytongueslipdowntotastebetween

herfolds.Shesuckedinasharpgasp.Fuckinghell,shetastessweet.

Itookmytimetastingher—I’dnevertireofheruniqueflavor,tangyandsweetallatonce.Herthighs

tensedundermyhandswitheverygentlelick,justbarelyenoughtodrivehercrazywithoutgettingher

anywhere.Iteasedheruntilherclitstoodoutfromitssheath,aswollenpearlbeggingformytouch.

“Nolan...”Hervoicewasalmostawhimper.

Withgentleflicksofmytongue,Iteasedherclituntilitwasengorged,andherentirebodywas

quivering,beggingforrelease.

“Thispussygetsniceandswollenforme,”Isaidbetweenlicks,andshesquirmedbeneathme,

makingahelplesswhimper.

Donemakingherwait,Idivedinforthemaincourse,partingherwithmythumbssoIcouldsuckher

clitintomymouth.Shehadtoclapahandoverhermouthtostiflehercries.Butshecouldn’tholdback

whenIslippedonefingerintoherpussy.Shefitsosnugandhotaroundmethatmycockached.Icould

feelherinnerwallstremblingundertheonslaughtofsensation.

Slowlysinkingmyfingerinandout,Iteasedheropeningwithanother,gettingreadytoslipthe

secondoneinalongsidethefirst.Butshemoanedmynameandherpussyclampedaroundmyfingerin

waveafterwaveofpleasure,herthighstwitchingaroundmyheadasshebuckedintomyface.

Damn,thatwasfast.“Didthatfeelgood?”

Shenoddedslowly,stilllookingalittledazed.Mymaleprideswelled—alongwithacertainother

partofmyanatomy.SexwithLaceywasturningouttobeonewildride.Herbodywassoresponsive,as

ifeverytouchwasabrand-newsensation.

ThenIsuddenlywonderedifitwasbrand-new.Laceydidactabitshelteredsometimes.Butmaybe

herpreviouslovershadjustbeenincompetent.

“Hasamanevergonedownonyoubefore?”

Ifshewasindeedavirgin,Ishouldhavebeenapproachingsexalittledifferentlythiswholetime.But

shit,betterlatethannever.

Laceyblinked.“I,um,hadaboyfriend.”Shehesitated,droppinghergazeforamoment,andthen

smiledshyly.“Butheneverdidthatbefore.”

Mysterysolved—herexwasjustafuckingselfishprick.Whatadamnshame,wastingagorgeous

woman’stimeinbedlikethat.

Ismirkedbackather.“Hemusthavebeenarealdumbassthen,especiallyifheletyouslipaway.”

IthoughtIsawherexpressiondarkenforaninstant,butbeforeIcouldbesureofit,Laceygrinned

mischievouslyandsaid,“Iwanttotouchyoutoo.”

Well,amancertainlycouldn’tsaynotothat.Igladlylaybackonthebedwhileshekneltdown

betweenmyspreadthighs.Watchingherslimfingerstugdownthezippertomyjeanswasstrangelyerotic.

Ihadn’tbeenundressedbyawomaninalongtime.Daniella’shandsweregenerallybound,andsoshe

rarelytouchedme.Andthoughthelastfewyearshadbeenpepperedbyoccasionalone-nightstands,I

generallystrippedasfastasIcouldtogettothemainevent.

AsmileroseonmylipsasIwatchedhercarefullyreachinsidemyboxers.Ihadn’tbeentreatedwith

suchdelicacyinalongdamntime,maybeever.Iwantedtojokethatshedidn’thavetobesodaintywith

me,butIwastransfixed;Icouldhavewatchedhertentativelyexploremeforhours.Andwhenhersoftfist

curledaroundme,Ibitbackagroan.

Usingherotherhandtopushdownmyboxers,shefreedmyaching,swollencock.Laceysuckedina

breath,hereyesdartinguptomine.IknewIwashung,butherexpressionwaspriceless.Shechewedon

herlowerlip,asifcontemplatinghertask.

“Yousureaboutthis,sweetheart?”Iaskedatherhesitancy.Iwasgoingtohaveahellofacaseof

blueballsifshechangedhermind,butI’dlive.

Sheswallowed,herprettyblueeyesdriftinguptomine.“Very.”Thenshegrippedthebaseofmy

cockand,withouthesitation,swallowedmedowntoherhand.

Fuuuck.

Igroanedoutloud.Pleasureshotthroughme,drawingmyballsupclosetomybodyasLaceytreated

theheadofmycocktoaslow,wetkiss.Definitelynotavirgin.Hertongueflickedinperfectrhythmwith

thebobbingofherheadandthestrokingofherhandonmyshaft.

“You’regoodatthis,baby.”Istrokedhersilkybrunettelocksandshemurmured,acknowledgingthe

praise.“Mmm,justlikethat.”

Shekeptuptheperfectrhythm,nottoofast,butnottoosloweither,hermouthcreatingawarm,wet

suctionoverme.

Icombedherhairawayfromherfacewithmyfingers.Icouldn’tseemtostoppettingher,touching

her.Rubbedmyhandsalonghershouldersanddownherarms,tangledtheminherhair,brushedmy

thumbsalongherjaw,anythingtoletherknowhowamazinghermouthfelt.

Lettingmyheadfallback,Isavoredhowthepleasuregraduallyburnedhigherandhotterinmygroin.

IwatchedLacey’spinklipsslidingovermywetcock.Iwishedshewouldlookupatme,butshekepther

sky-blueeyesclosed,sootylasheslongonherflushedcheeks.Tooshytomeetmygaze—thoughnottoo

shytosuckthelifeoutofme,apparently.Hell,thatfeelsgood.

Myabswerealreadytensingwitheverystroke.Inaminute,Ipanted,“I’mgoingtocomesoon.”

Butinsteadofpullingawayatmywarning,Laceyopenedhereyes.Shewantstowatchmecome,I

realized—andarousalshockedthroughmelikelightning.Archingslightlyoffthebed,Ireleasedwitha

low,raggedgroan.Withoutapause,sheswallowedit.

Thiswomanwasbecomingmoreperfectbytheday.Andthatscaredthefuckoutofme.

ChapterEleven

Lacey

Afteralongdayatwork,whereconfusingthoughtsofNolanhadspunthroughmybrain,allIwantedtodo

wastocurluponthecouchandwatchmindlessTVwhileIatedinner.ButIhadnogroceriesinthehouse,

andsincethelastthingIfeltlikedoingwasgroceryshoppingandthencooking,Idecidedtocallfor

takeout.

Vino’swasawinebarandbistrojustashortdriveaway.Myboss,Jamie,hadsuggesteditwhenI

askediftherewereanygoodItalianrestaurantsintown.WhenIarrived,theparkinglotwasfilled,which

wassurprisingforaweeknight.TheirfoodmustbeevenbetterthanJamiesaid.

Inside,Ilearnedwhytheplacewasreallysocrowded.AbannerannouncedthattheNurses’Ballwas

tomyleft,inaprivatebanquetroom.Iheadedstraighttowardthebar,whereIpaidformyorderandwas

tolditwouldbetenmoreminutes.

Itriednottogetannoyed.TenmoreminutesuntilwarmfettuccineAlfredoandgarlickybreadsticks

wereinmytummy.Iwashopingtherewasanemptyseatatthebar—IcouldhaveaglassofwinewhileI

waited,maybetextBrynn—butitwaspackedtoo.SoIwanderedovertothehostessstationtowaitfor

mynametobecalled.

Butaverydifferentvoicecalledforme.Afamiliarmasculineone.

“Lacey?”

IturnedandspottedNolan,lookingdevastatinglyhandsomeinablacktuxedoandcrispwhiteshirt.

Hisblacksilkbowtierestedperfectlyoverthehollowofhisthroat.Theunexpectedsightstolemybreath

foramoment.

“Nolan?Whatareyoudoinghere?”

Hetippedhisheadtowardthebanquetroom.“I’mherewithDaniella.”

Ithoughthemightoffertointroduceus,buthedidn’t.Whichwasfinebyme.Myheartwas

hammeringagainstmyribsandallIwantedtodowasflee.Aftertheeveningwe’dspenttogether,the

waltzing,thewayhe’dtuggeddownmywetpantiesanddevouredme...Ishuddered.Andnowhewas

herewithher?

“Iwasjustgettingtakeout,”Iexplained,eventhoughhehadn’tasked.

Hejuststoodtherewatchingme,freshlyshavedandsmellinglightlyofcologne.Icouldn’ttakemy

eyesoffhim.Theideathathewashere,onadate,withanotherwomanwasmind-boggling.Aswasthe

factthathe’dtakenthetimetodressupandlooksohandsome...forher,notme.Itstungmuchmorethan

Ithoughtitwould.

“Ibettergetbackintherebeforeshecomeslookingforme,”hesaid.

“Ofcourse.”Ismiled,tryingtoshovedownthetidalwaveofjealousyinsideme.“Havefun.”

Thewordswereadamnlie.Iwantedhimtohaveaterribletime,soterribleheranstraightintomy

armswithoutlookingback.ButIknewthatwouldn’thappen.

Nolanwatchedmesadly.“I’llcallyoulater.”

Thebittersideofmewantedtotellhimnottobother.ButIstuffedthosewordsdownmythroatand

smiledinstead.He’dbeenhonestfromthebeginning.WhatdidIexpect?

Iwatchedhimwalkintotheelegantroomwithblack-clothedtablesandsconcesdimmedlow.He

stoppedbesideawomaninalonggreeneveninggown,andshewhisperedsomethinginhisear.He

noddedandpattedherhand.AndthatwashowIcaughtmyfirstglimpseofDaniella.

WheneverIthoughtoftheotherwomaninhislife,itwasalwayssomeabstractconcept,ahazy

figure.SomethingIcouldpretendwasfarawayfrommeandmyrelationshipwithhim.ButtheDaniellain

frontofmewasalltoosolidandclear.Shewasarealperson,withaprofessionandcolleagues...anda

pseudo-boyfriendshewantedtoshowofftothem.

Shetookhiselbow.Sensingtheywerecomingcloser,Ifacedthehostessstationagainandpressed

mybacktothewall,notwantingtobeseen.

Theimageofthemtogetherwasburnedintomybrain.ShewasnothinglikehowIpicturedshe’dbe.

Shewastall—inherheels,almostastallasNolan.Herdarkauburnhairwastwistedintoasophisticated

knotatthenapeofherpaleneck.Ihadn’tseenherface,whichwasagoodthing.Ididn’twanttoknowif

shewasbeautiful;myinsecuritywouldcrushme.Bettertostayinthedark.

“Seethatguyovertherewiththedarkhairandgoatee?”

Thatlow,faintlyhuskyvoicemustbeDaniella.Theywereonlyafewfeetawaynow,justpastthe

doorwayIleanedagainst.

“Whatabouthim?”Nolanresponded.

“He’sanewdoctor...andrumorhasit,he’saDominant.”

“Thatguy?”Nolanaskedindisbelief.“Dudedoesn’thaveaDominantboneinhisbody.Lookat

him.”

Hearingtheirprivateconversation,howcomfortabletheyweretogether,wasstartling.Iwasspying

onastolenmomentbetweenthem.ButIfeltfrozeninplace,unabletomove,barelyevenbreathing.

“Don’tbemean.Justbecausehe’snotbuiltlikealinebacker—oraSEAL,forthatmatter—doesn’t

meananything.I’veheardhe’sallvarietiesofnaughty.Heevenjoinedtheclubdowntown.”

“Youtempted?”Nolansoundedsurprised.

“No,don’tbecrazy.”Daniellalaughed.

Hervoicewasdeepandhusky.Sensualeven.Ihatedthesoundofit.

“I’mnotsuggestinganythingcrazy.Justthatifyouwereinterested,itcouldbeagoodthing.Getback

onthehorse,sotospeak.”

IcouldhearthehintofasmileinNolan’svoice,andIheldmybreath,wonderingwhatshemightsay

next.

“No,IhaveeverythingIneedrighthere.”Sheletoutacontentedlittlesighthatmademystomach

hurt.

Nolanmerelychuckled,soundingcalmandjovial.

“Thingshavebeenweirdlately,but...we’regood,right?”sheaskedhim.

“Ofcourseweare,”hesaid.

Icouldn’tstandtolistenanymore.Myinsidesfeltliketheywerebeingpulledoutwithafork.

Ipushedmywaythroughthegrouplingeringatthehostessstationandoutintothenightair.Dinner

forgotten,Igotinmycaranddrovehometomyemptylittleapartment.

•••

WhenNolancalledthatnight,Iwasstillfeelingshakenandvulnerable.Ipickedupwithalistless,

“Hello?”

“Areyouokay?”

Apparently,heunderstoodthatseeinghimoutwithDaniellawasabigdealtome.Isensednowthat

he’dbeendeliberatelykeepingusapart.Wewouldprobablynevermeetface-to-face.Andthatwasfine

byme.

Icurledupintoawarmnestonmybed,mypurplequiltaroundmyshoulders.“Itwashonestly...

tough.”MuchtougherthanI’deverimagined.

Hewasquietforamoment,justthesoundofhisdeep,steadybreathsontheotherendofthephone.“I

figured.”

Sohewascallingtocheckonme,butnottoendwhathadhurtmeinthefirstplace.Hestillwasn’t

readytobecomeaone-womankindofman.Tearsstungmyeyes.

“Tellmewhatyou’rethinking,”hesaid,hisvoicesofterthanIexpected.

“There’sthiswholeothersidetoyourlifethatI’mnotinvolvedin.Tuxedosandworkbanquetswith

coworkers.Itwasjust...hardtotakein.”

“Ifitmakesyoufeelanybetter,thetuxedowasuncomfortableashell,andIcouldn’twaittogetoutof

it.I’minmybedroomstrippingdownnow.”

“Areyoualone?”

“No.”

Asingletearslippeddownmycheek.“Oh.”

“Sutton’shere.He’sgivingmeadirtylook.”

AndthenIwaslaughing.

“Ijustneedyouto...”Hedidn’tfinish.Buthedidn’thaveto.

“Iknow.”

Nolanneededmetoaccepthimashewas—brokenandall.AndIdid.

That’swhatscaredme.

ChapterTwelve

Lacey

Scoop,thendump.Scoop,thendump.

Itriedtoholdmybreathwhilecleaningthecat’slitterboxofclumps.Itwasn’taglamorousjob,but

somebodyhadtodoit.ThankGodMr.Wiggleshadbeendeclawed,becausehewasanangrysonofa

bitch.

Movingontothesmallrodentcages,Ithrewawaytheold,dirtybeddingandwipeddownthefloors

withdilutedbleach.Eventhelowliestofratsdeservedcozynestingmaterial,freshwater,andmaybea

coupleofextrapelletsoffood.Ilostmyselfinmywork,hummingasImovedfromcagetocage.

AshurtandconfusedasI’dbeenlastnight,seeingNolanoutwithDaniella,anhour-longphonecall

hadsoothedmetremendously.He’dchattedwithmewhileIlayinbedandheremovedhistuxedopiece

bypiece.Iheardthemattresscreakashelaydown,heardSuttonsoftlysnoringbyhisside.

KnowingthatIwastheoneonhismindafterhisdatedidn’tmakeeverythingbetter;bitterjealousy

stilllingered.Butithadhelped.Wetalked,laughed,andmadeplanstoseeeachotheragain.

AsIworked,IslippedbackintodaydreamsofNolan.ThelastfewweekshadgonebetterthanI’d

everimagined.WiththeexceptionofDaniella...butmaybe,withsomecreativity,Icouldsolvethat

problemtoo.

“Youhaveallthesignsofawomaninlove,”anoldman’svoicesaid.

“Excuseme?”Irosetomyfeet,securingthelatchtothecageI’djustfinishedwith,andturnedtosee

Horace.Hewasoneoftheseniorcitizenswhovolunteeredattheshelteronweekdays.I’dbarelyheard

himcomein.

“Yourcheeksarerosy,youreyesarebrightandhappy,andyouwerehummingalovesong—Marvin

Gaye,Ithink—whileyouscrapedhamstershitfromthebottomofthatcage.”Hechuckled.

Panichitmelikeasmacktotheface.“No,it’snothinglikethat.”Ofcoursenot...right?

Mypalmsstartedtosweat.IwasneversupposedtogiveNolanmyheart.Butsomewherebetween

themoonlitwalks,drinks,waltzing,andkissing,Ihadfallenforhim.Completely.Overhearinghimwith

DaniellalastnightonlyconfirmedwhatIalreadyknew.Myheartwasn’tjustalittleinvolved;itbeatonly

forhim.

FollowedbythatrealizationwasthecrushingguiltthatslammedintomeovereverythingI’dbeen

hidingfromhim.

Drawingashakybreath,ImetHorace’seyes.

“Beeninloveatimeortwomyself.”Henodded.“Iknowthelook.”

“Excuseme,”Imuttered,brushingpasthim.

Ipushedmywayoutthebigmetaldoorattheendofthehall,gulpingdowndeeplungfulsofthefresh

airoutside.Thesmellswereonlyslightlyimprovedouthere,sinceIwasstandingnexttothedogrun.

IthoughtaboutcallingBrynnforadvice.ButwhatwouldshetellmethatIdidn’talreadyknow?That

Iwasbeinganidiot?Thatarelationshipbuiltondeceitwasdoomedtofail?

Hearingthosethingsoutloudwouldmakethemmorereal,soIleftmyphoneinmypocket.Brynnhad

alwaysbeenpragmaticandstraitlaced,everybitadaddy’sgirl.ThelastthingIneededtohearwasthe

bitterdisappointmentinmysister’svoice.Iwasdisgustedenoughwithmyselfalready.Thankyouvery

much.

AsIsankdownintothedirt,Itriedtorememberthattherewasamethodtomymadness.

ButonceI’dactuallymetNolanandstaredupintohishandsomeblueeyes,itwasn’thardtofeel

somethingstirinsideme.Hewasaprotector,throughandthrough.Itdidn’thurthowattractivehewas

withthatstrong,angularjawline,fulllips,ruggedmuscles,andafilthymouthtoo.I’dfallenhardandfast.

Evenonthatfirstnightwetalked,Iknewthiswasn’tgoingtobecutanddried.I’dwornapolite

smileandnoddedalongtohisstoriesaboutleavingtheNavy,movingbackhometoTexastobenearhis

mom,andworkingataprivatesecurityfirm.

Butwhentheconversationhadturnedtohisfallenfriend,thelookinhiseyeshaddarkened,anda

knotofuneasehadsettledinmystomach.Whathadstartedasagameorasillydarehadbecomevery

real.

Inmymind,NolanMaxwellhadbeenaone-dimensionalex-NavySEALbadasswhocouldofferme

theprotectionIneeded.Therealitywasthathewasarealhumanbeingwithbattlewounds,hidden

depths,andasoftsideforwomen.Hehadinvitedmeintohislife,alifehealreadysharedwithanother.

AndnowIwantedmore.

He’dbeennothingbutforthcoming,allwhileIdodgedquestionsaboutmypastandhidthetruthfrom

him.

SohereIwas,sittinginthedirt,fearfulofwhatwastocome.Onceheknewmysecret,thatwouldbe

theendofit.He’dgobacktohisquiet,happylifewithDaniella.Butdidn’thedeservemore?Anddidn’t

I?

Thinkingaboutthetimeswe’dspenttogether,gazingintohishandsomeface,hiseyesasdeepand

blueastheocean...God,itwasallburnedintomybrain.Everyeroticmomentreplayedlikeanold

movieI’dmemorizedfromwatchingtoomanytimes.

ItseemedthatmassagingNolan’stight,wearymuscleshadmadeallmyfeelingsrushtothesurface.

He’dseemedinaweofme,asifhe’dneverhadawomancareforhimthatway.Andthetenderwaywe’d

touchedandcaressedeachother’sfleshuntilwecametogether...itwasindescribable.Themostsensual

thingI’deverdonebyfar.Ihadnoregretsaboutthat.

Iwantedtocareforthisman,includingallhisbrokenbits.Nursehiswoundedheartbacktolife.It

hadlaindormantforsolong.

Maybeitwasjustwishfulthinking,butIhadtheinklingthatDaniella’spresenceinhislifewasa

Band-Aid,asorryexcusefortherealthing.Shedidn’tlovehim.Notifshewasokaysharinghim.If

Daniellatrulycaredforhimthewayhedeserved,she’dneverbeokaywithmypresenceinhislife,

anotherwoman’sperfumeonhisskinornameonhislips.

Isureashellwasn’t—andI’dknownhimmereweeks,notyearslikeher.

“Lacey?”Horacepokedhisheadoutthedoortopeerdownonme.“Youokay?”

Iwipedmyeyeswiththebackofmyhand.Stupidtears.

“Justasec,”Icalled.Itwasn’tfairtohideouthere.

Horacenoddedonce.Amomentlater,thebigdoorthuddedshut.

Ipushedmyhandsintomyhairandhungmyheadbetweenmyknees.Fuck.WhatwasIthinking?

IknewexactlywhatI’dbeenthinking.ThatIwasintroublebackhome,andNolanwasthemanwho

couldkeepmesafe.

IfI’dknownthenjusthowdangerousthiswholethingwouldbecome,Imighthavegottenintomycar

anddrivenstraightbacktoOklahoma.Instead,Ipickedmyselfupfromtheground,dustedoffmyjeans,

andheadedbackinsidetofinishmyshiftwiththenosybutwell-meaningHorace.

ChapterThirteen

Nolan

ThingswerebeginningtofeelmorestrainedthaneverbetweenDaniellaandme,andIwasnocloserto

figuringoutwhatwasgoingonwithLaceyandme.Gettingshit-facedwithGreyhadn’thelped,either.I

justwasn’treadytothinkaboutchangingmyfuture.Everyscenariotwistedmystomachwithunease.

AndthenI’dspentthatincredibleeveningwithLacey.Watchingherattempttowaltz,feelingher

warmmouthonme...

IfIturnedmylifeupside-downforher,whatthen?EndupjustliketheothersI’dwatchedcrashand

burnastheysoughttheirhappily-ever-after?Fuckthat.

Still,theharderItriedtoholdontothewaythingshadalwaysbeen,themoreuneasyIfelt.Icouldn’t

denyanylongerthatDaniellaandIweredriftingapart.WhileI’dfulfilledmyobligationbytakingherto

theNurses’Ball,wehadn’thungoutinalongtime,andIhadn’tplayedwithherinevenlonger.

Ouronce-tranquilrelationshipwasstartingtofrayattheedges.Sheneededrelease,andeventhough

shewastryingtogivemespace,sheprobablyfeltsnubbed.Ignored—andultimatelyreplacedwitha

youngerwoman.JustlikeherlastDomhaddone.

Evenifherbodydidn’texcitemeanymore,Istillhadasenseofloyaltytowardher.AndDaniella

hadalwaysgivenmewhatIneeded;Icouldn’tdesertherjustbecausesomeonenewhadcomeintomy

life.Itwasn’tlikeIwasreadytocommittoLaceyandbemonogamous.WasI?Butifthistensionkeptup,

Imightlosemymind.

“HaveyouseenmyNavysweatshirt?”IaskedDaniellaasshepassedbymydoor.I’djustspent

fifteenminutestearingmyroomapartlookingforthedamnthing.

“Yeah,inmycloset,Ithink,”shesaid,headingtowardthelivingroomwithabookinhand.

Ishouldhaveknown.Thesweatshirtwasagoodtenyearsold,softandthinfromsomanywashings.

Itwasmy—andDaniella’s—favoritethingtowearinthefall.

Stalkingintoherroom,Ifounditonthefloorofherclosetunderneathaheapofdirtyclothes.Wow,

realfuckingnice,Dani.

“Itsmellslikegirlyshit,”Icomplainedloudenoughforhertohear.Itooktheshirtbacktomyroom,

threwitinthehamper,andgrabbedanotherfrommycloset.

“Geez,whatcrawledupyourass?”

“Nothing,allright?Everything’sfine.”Itwasalie.Nothingwasfinerightnow.

“I’mgoingtomakebeefstewfordinner.”

“Okay.”Mytonesoftened.HerhomemadestewwasmyfavoritethingthatDaniellamade.Shewas

tryingtosmoothoverthisgrowingweirdnessbetweenus.ThatwasmorethanIcouldsayformyself.

“Dinnerwillbeinaboutanhour,”sheadded.

“Soundsgood.”

Iheadedbacktomyroom,decidingahotshowermightcalmmyfrayednerves.Istrippedandturned

onthewater,feelingimpatientandrestless.I’dalwaysbeenafixer.ItwashowIendedupwithDaniella

—andSutton,forthatmatter—butitsoundedmorechivalrousthenitwas.

Iwasnoone’shero.I’dalwaysknownthatthesecondyouletyourguarddownanddidsomething

stupidlikefallinlove,yougotfucked,yourworldrippedoutfromunderneathyou.Likewhathappenedto

Marcus.Daniella.Mymom.

Shit,maybelackofsexwascloudingmybrain.Iwasn’tfuckingDani,andIsureasshitwasn’t

fuckingLacey.

Lacey.Thenewwomanwho’dwaltzedinandtakenmylifebystorm.Or,ifyoulistenedtotheway

Greytoldit,thewomanwhohadmebytheballs.

AsIwaitedforthewatertoheat,itoccurredtomethatIknewnexttonothingaboutLacey.Her

background,herfamily,whyshemovedoutofstatejusttoworkpart-timeatananimalshelter.ButIknew

exactlywhatshetastedlike.Howshefeltmovingontopofme.Thenoisesshemadewhenshecame.

Fuck.

Somethingwasstartingtopickatmeaboutthiswholesituation,butIcouldn’tpinpointwhat,andmy

mindracedwithunansweredquestions.

•••

Afterdinner,Iwasstillnoclosertoananswer.AsIsatatthekitchentablewithmylaptopandawhiskey,

Suttonsnoringlightlyatmyfeet,IheardalowmoancomefromDaniella’sbedroom.

Atleastoneofusishavingfun.

Halfworking,halfsurfingtheweb,Iignoredhergroans,tryingtogivehersomeprivacy.UntilI

realizedthatifshe’dleftherbedroomdooropen,itwasprobablyonpurpose.

Standingupfromthetable,IstretchedandsteppedaroundSutton,headeddownthehallthatledto

herroom.

Daniellawasnaked,kneelinginthecenterofherbedroomfloor.Herhandswerelinkedbehindher

back.Shewaspresentingherselftome,offeringhersubmissionasagift.

Iwonderedhowlongshe’dbeenwaitingformetofindher.We’dfinisheddinneroveranhourago.

Shit.

Isteppedforward,abouttoyankherupfromherspotonthefloor,tellherwecouldn’tdothis.Not

whensomuchhunginthebalance.UntilIrealized...Icouldn’t.Ididn’thavetheheart.

Hereyesfoundmine,andIcouldreadeverythinginthemasplainasday.Inthosesofthazeldepths,I

sawitclearly.IfIdeniedherrightnow,itwouldcrushher.Andnotjustthestingofrejectionthatwould

fadeinadayortwo.RefusingherofferingmightmeanhersinkingbackintothedepressionI’dbarely

pulledheroutoftwoyearsago.

Fuck.

Icouldn’tdothattoher.Fornow,atleast,shewasstillmyresponsibility.

“Eyesonthefloor,”Iordered.

Hershouldersrelaxed,herspinedippingasifmywordshadcaressedher.

Bendingdown,Isecuredablindfoldoverhereyes.Ididn’twanttofeeltheirpenetratinggazeonme

asIworked.ThenIhelpedherstandandguidedhertothebed.

OnceIbentherovermyknee,Icouldfeeltheheatofherskinthroughmyjeans.Inoticedherfistwas

clenchedaroundsomething.

“Openyourhand,”Iordered.

Shedid.Asmallstainlesssteelbuttplugrestedinherpalm.Shewasn’tleavingmuchguessingroom

aboutwhatshewanted,orneeded,tonight.

“Lookatyou,”Igrowled.“Offeringyourselftome.Ondisplaylikethis.”

Itooktheplugfromherandslowlystrokedthecoldsteeldownherspine,overthecleftofherass,

raisingatrailofgoosebumps.

Daniellashuddered.

Herbiggestkinkwasbondage—exposure,helplessness,objectification—andIknewhowtohitit

hard.Thesightofherpresentingherselftomedidn’tstirmycocklikeitusedto,butIcouldstillgiveher

whatsheneeded.

Islowlypushedtheplugintoherass,pausingwheneverherbreathcaught,theneasingforwardagain

whensheadjustedtothestretch.WhenI’dworkeditinallthewaytoitsflaredbase,Ipattedherhipin

silentpraise.

Ibroughtmyhanddownagainstherbareass—softtapsatfirstandthenharder,untilmypalmcracked

againstherskin.Theforcefulblowsjostledthepluginherass,sendingsparksthroughhereverynerve.

Daniellacriedoutwitheachslap,awild,shapelessnoiseofpuresensation,beforewhimperingout

loud.Hervoicegrewfuzzierandherbodyrelaxedasshesankfurtherintosubspace.

IwasconcentratingsohardthatIdidn’theartheknockatthefrontdoor.Ididn’thearthesoft

footstepsdownthehall,thecreakofthebedroomdoorswingingopen.

ButIdidhearthestartledgasp.

IwhippedmyheadaroundtoseeLaceyfrozeninthebedroomdoorway.Herhandwasclampedover

hermouth.Herwideeyesdartedbackandforthovertheluridscene—me,anakedDanielladraped

acrossmylap,spankingtheshitoutofherredass.

Lacey’sexpressionhitmelikeagutpunch;Icouldbarelybreathe.Inhereyes,Isawpurehorrorand

heartbreak.Shewassoscared,sodisgusted—anditwasallbecauseofme.Inthatmoment,IhatedwhatI

sawinhereyes.

Thensheran,dartingoutoftheroomjustasquicklyasshe’dappeared.

IeasedDaniellaoffmylapandontothebed,andshegaveasoftsigh.WhenIpulledoffher

blindfold,shelookeddrained,drowsy,assherestedherheadonthepillow.

Daniellawasridingaseriousendorphinhigh,swaddledinthewarmfogofsubspace.AsbadlyasI

wantedtogoafterLacey,IknewIhadtohandleDaniella’saftercarefirst.

Ibroughtheramugofhot,sugarytea,satwithherwhileshedrankit,andrubbedherbackuntilshe

fellasleep.

ThenIwroteheranote—Let’stalkinthemorning—andleftitonhernightstand.Itwaskindofa

coldmove,butIhadtodosomedamagecontrolbeforeLaceyfreakedoutevenworse.Orcalledthe

policeonme.

Ihadnoideawhatshecouldbethinking.Whatshe’djustwitnessedhadobviouslyconfusedand

frightenedher.IthoughtI’dmadeDaniella’skinkydesiresclearbefore...butevidently,beingawareof

BDSMwasdifferentfromstumblingintoasceneupclose.

DidLaceythinkIwasamonsternow?HowmuchofourrelationshipcouldIsalvage?

Hardlydaringtohope,Ihurriedoutsidetowardmytruck,hellbentongettingtoherapartment.

ChapterFourteen

Lacey

Uncontrollableshakingrackedmybody.Anger.Fear.Disappointment.Confusion.Jealousy.Thesheer

numberofemotionswarringformyattentionwereoverwhelming.

Ipacedmylivingroom,myhandsstilltrembling.ItwasamiracleI’ddrivenhomewithoutcrashing.

Tonight,onmywayhomefromwork,I’dspottedthatsamewhitesedaninmyrearviewmirror,andI

panicked.

Insteadofleadinghimtomyhome,I’ddrivenstraighttoNolan’s.IheardtheTVplayinginsideand

letmyselfinwhentherewasnoansweratthedoor.ThelastthingIexpectedwastointerruptascene

betweenhimandDaniella.

Thescentofsexwasburnedintomynostrils.AswasthesightofDaniella,boundandblindfolded,

herasssplotchywithlargeredhandprints.Nolan’shandprints.

ChillssweptdownmyspineasIleanedagainstthediningroomtableforsupport,unabletobanish

thevisionfrommybrain.MyfingerscurledaroundtheedgeofthetableandIdrewafewdeepbreaths,

tryingtocalmmyriotingheartbeat.

Myownvisceralreactiontoseeingthemstartledmewithitsintensity.I’dtoldmyselfallalongthatI

didn’tcarewhattheydidinbed,butnowIknewthathadbeenabald-facedlie.

Thereasonitmatteredsomuch?Thereasonmyheartfeltlikeithadjustbeenrippedintwo?

Horacehadbeenright—IwasfallinginlovewithNolan.AndseeinghimwithDaniellanotonlyhurt

likeabitch,butitmademepanicaboutlosinghim.TheyobviouslysharedsomethingthatheandInever

would.

Onethingthatwasodd...IsuddenlyrealizedNolanhadbeenfullyclothed.

BeforeIhadtimetodissectthat,aseriesofknocksrainedagainstmydoor.Startledandstillshaking,

Ihazardedaglanceoutthepeephole.

ItwasNolan.Veinsstoodoutagainsthisneck,andhisblueeyesweresodark,theylookedalmost

black.

“Iknowyou’reinthere,”hesaid.“Letmein.Weneedtotalk.”

Shit.Iwasn’tsureIcouldfacehimrightnow,butIhadnochoice.

Iunboltedthelockandopenedthedoor.

“Areyouokay?”

Thefirstwordsoutofhismouthcaughtmeoffguard.I’dexpectedsomebacklashovermejust

wanderinginsidehishouse,oralectureabouthowIknewthescoreallalongandhadnorighttobemad.

Insteadheseemedgenuinelyconcerned.Forme.

Ishovedahandagainsthischest,pushinghimbackastep.“No,I’mnotokay.”

Unabletomeethisdarkeyes,Iturnedawayandstalkedovertothewindow,whereIlookeddownat

theparkinglot.Watchingtheoldladyfromunit6DtakeouthertrashwasbetterthanlettingNolanseeme

cry.

“Fuck,”hemuttered.

Hecrossedtheroomtosinkdownonthecouch.Helookedsooutofplaceonthedainty,floral-

patternedthing,Iwouldhavelaughedifmystomachweren’ttiedinknots.Hislargeframe,muscular

build,andstrongjawdustedwithafiveo’clockshadowwasatoddswithmyfeminineapartment,withits

splashesofpurpleandcreameverywhere.

Iturnedtofacehim,myhandsonmyhips.“It’sstupid,right?Iknewfromthebeginningthatyou’d

neverbemine.Butsillyme,somewherealongtheway,Istartedtothinkmaybe,justmaybeyou’dwant

more...withme.ButnowIseethat—”

“Youseewhat?”

Myeyesflaredonhis.“Thatifthosearethekindsofthingsyou’reinto,I’llneverbeabletogiveyou

whatyouneed.”

“Damnit,Lacey.I’dnevermakeyoufeellikeyouhadtodothosethings.”

Somethingbetweenagaspandaforcedlaughescapedmythroat.“You’reanasshole,Nolan.”

“Ineedtoexplainsomethingstoyou.Willyousitdown?”

Iwassoangrythatmyskinfelthotallover,butsomethinginsidemeneededtohearwhateverasinine

excusehewasabouttocomeupwith.

“Fine.”Isankontothecouchbesidehim.

Hescrubbedahandoverthebackofhisneck.“Daniella’sasubmissive.”

“Youalreadytoldmethat.”Myvoicewasflatandemotionless.Ifhewasgoingtorehashthisshit,I

wasgoingtokickhimoutonhisass.

“Yes,butwhatthatmeansisthatsheneedsdiscipline,punishment,restraint.That’swhatyousaw

tonight.Itwasn’tsex.Infact,Ihaven’tsleptwithhersinceyoucamehere.”

Mygazesnappedovertohis.Okay,thatwasunexpected.

“Why?”

“Goodfuckingquestion.”

“WhatIsawwasprettydamnsexualifyouaskme,”Ispatback.

Thewomanhadbeencompletelynude,withaninstrumentofsometypeinheranus.Iwasassuming

Nolanhadbeentheonetoputitthere.

“Fairenough.”Heswallowed.“Butseriously,IneedyoutoknowthatI’dneveraskyoutodowhat

yousawtonight.”

Quietandcontemplativeforamoment,Idaredaglanceupintohiseyes.“IneversaidIwasn’t

willing.MaybeifIunderstoodit,andI...hadtherightpartner...”Iswallowed,unsurewhatIwaseven

askingfor.

Basedonhisexpression,I’djustshockedtheshitoutofhim.

Hetookamomenttocomposehimself,seeminglyunsureofhowtoproceed.Thenhetookmyhand,

strokinghisthumbalongthebackofmyknuckles.

“Still,Idon’tneedkinkysex.Iwouldn’twantyoutofeellikeyouhadtodosomethingthatmadeyou

uncomfortableorconfused.Ilikedthetendermomentswe’veshared.I’velikedgoingslowwithyou,

which,trustme,istotallyoutofcharacterforme.”

Stillconfused,myheartstillaching,Iwatchedhimwithguardedeyes,waitingforhimtocontinue,

waitingforanyofthistomakesense.

“WhatyousawtonightwaswhatDaniellaneeds,soIprovideit.Whenshecametome,brokenand

alone,Ijust...”

“It’sokay,youdon’thavetoexplain.”

IknewNolan’sprotectivesidewasfiercelyloyal.He’dbeenfillingaroleDaniellaneeded.Nothing

more.Buthe’dalsocompletelyclosedhimselfofftolove,andthatwasmyrealissuewithDaniella’s

presenceinhislife.

“I’llexplainanythingyouwantmeto.I’vetriedtobeupfrontaboutallthisfromthebeginning.”

“Doyouloveher?”Thewordsstartledme,leapingfrommymouthwithoutpermission.Iheldmy

breath,waitingforhimtoanswer.

Withadeeplineetchedbetweenhisbrows,hemetmyworriedstare.“Idon’tknow.She’smyfriend

andIcareforher.We’vebeenthereforeachotherforalongtime.”

Inodded.Twoyearswasalongtime.Attachmentshadbeenmade.

“You’remylight,mywarmth,andmysunshine,”hecontinued,strokingmyhand.“Youchaseaway

theshadowsinme.Andshe’smydark,submittingtoeverywickeddesireIhaveinsideme.Myyinand

myyang.”

Ididn’twanttobesomeone’syinoryang.Iwantedtobehiseverything.AndsuddenlyIfeltangry.I

wantedtosnatchmyhandawayandmakehimleave...

Untiltheguiltofmyownsecretweigheddownonme,remindingmethatIhadnorighttojudgehim

andhislifestylewhenmybeingherehadallbeenbasedonalie.

Buteventhoughithadstartedthatway,realfeelingshaddeveloped.Myheartwasonthelinenow.

“Areyouaskingmetochoose?”heasked.

Bloodpumpedfasterinmyveins.Whatifhechoosesher?

“Ijust...justneedtimetothink,”Istammered.Iwouldrathertakemychanceswiththebadguys

thangiveanultimatumtoamanwhodidn’twantme.

“Iknowthissituationisalittlefucked.Trustme,Igetthat.Ifthere’sanythingIcando,anythingelse

youneed,pleasetellme.”

Inodded.DespiteNolan’sflaws—likehavingonetoomanywomeninhislife—Irespectedhim.He

wasprotective,dependable,andtrustworthy.AndawholeslewofotherqualitiesIreallyneededinmy

liferightnow.Mystupidhearttoldmetojusthangon.Thatmaybe,justmaybe,hewouldbeminewhen

hegotoverhisfearofcommitmentandlosingsomeonehecaredfor.

“There’ssomethingelseyouneedtoknow,”hesaid,histonesoftandlow.

OhChrist.Whatnow?

“What’sthat?”

Strokingmycheekwithhiscallousedthumb,heleanedcloser.“I’veneverkissedDaniella.”

Mybreathingstoppedforamoment.“Ever?”

“Never,”heconfirmed.

Knowingthatintimacywassomethinghe’dsharedonlywithmecausedalittlesparkofhopetoflare

inmychest.

ThenNolanpulledmeclose,bringingmymouthtohis.Hekissedmeslowly,softly,withoutanyrush.

Itwastender,andsweet,andloving.Anditmademyheadspinwithconfusion.

Thisentiresituationwasthedefinitionofaclusterfuck.

ChapterFifteen

Nolan

Earlythenextmorning,IwascookingbreakfastwhenDaniellawanderedoutinherpajamas,rubbingher

eyes.Usuallyshecameoutofherroomfullydressed,ifshehadtobesomewheresoon,orwearingher

lounging-aroundsweatpants.Shemustbefeelingcrappytoday.

Damnit,thatwasalmostcertainlymyfault.ButwhatelsecouldIhavedone?Lastnightwouldhave

beenadisasternomatterwhat.

“Yougetmynote?”Iasked.

Suttonsnuffledtheflooraroundme,smearinghiscold,wetnoseonmybarefeet.Iaccidentally-on-

purposedroppedachunkofhashbrownsforhim.Hegulpeditdowninablink.

Daniellasatdownatthediningtable,eyeingthefullpaninmyhand.“Yep.”

Damn,thiswasawkward.KnowingIneededtoforgeahead,Iserveduptwoheapingplatesandtwo

mugsofcoffee,thensatacrossfromher.Suttonlaydownonmyfoot¸poisedtosnatchupanymorescraps.

“Listen,”Ibegan,notreallyknowinghowtoend.“Lastnightwas...”

Daniellastareddownintohermug,stirringcreamintohercoffee.“Youweren’tintoit.”

Automatically,Ishookmyhead,butmydenialcaughtinmythroat.I’dneveronceliedtoher,andI

wasn’tabouttostartnow.

“Itwasn’tjustthat.Thingshavebeen...weirdlately.Andthenlastnight,findingyouinyourroom

likethat...”Ihadtodrageverywordoutofmythroat.

Fuck.

Herhazeleyesmetmineasshewaitedformetocontinue,waitedtounderstandwhatcouldpossibly

begoingonwithmethatIdidn’twanttofuckaprimed,ready,andwillingwoman.

Iclearedmythroat.“Laceyendedupstoppingby,andshesawusfromthedoorway.”

“Oh.Ididn’tknowthat.”

Inodded.“I’msorry.”

Theapologyfeltinsincere,butthenagain,Ihadn’tplannedonlastnight’sscenewithDaniella.The

doorbeingunlockedwasn’treallyanyone’sfault.OrmaybeIwasn’treadytofacethefactthatthetwo

womeninmylifewerecollidinginawayI’dneverplannedon.

SoIleftitatthat.Icouldn’tunderstandmyownfeelings,letaloneexplainthiscrisistoanyoneelse.I

juststuffedaforkfulofscrambledeggsintomymouth.IcouldhearSuttonwheezingslightlyinthesilence.

Daniellapouredaribbonofketchupoverherhashbrowns,watchingthereddribblewith

exaggeratedcare,keepinghergazedowncast.“Yeah,lastnightIcouldtell...youweren’tjustnotinto

thescene.Youweren’tintome.”

Ouch.Ialmostwinced.Not“youweren’tintothescene,”but“youweren’tintome.”Andnosoothing

noiseslike“butit’sokay,Iunderstand”tosoftentheblow.

We’dalwaysbeenprettybluntwitheachother,soIknewshewasn’ttryingtoguilt-tripme,just

statingthefacts.Iusuallyfoundherstraightforwardnessrefreshing.Anditwouldbeshittytoexpect

Daniellatoreassuremeabouthurtingherfeelings,anyway.

Butherwordscouldn’thelpbutsting.Itwashardnottonoticethechillintheair,thetoo-long

pauses,thestiff,rehearsedwayshesippedhercoffee.Asifourwholeconversationwasabadmovie.

“Yeah,”Ifinallyadmitted.“Iwasn’t.Thingshavebeenkindoffuckedlately.”Understatement.Things

weretotallyFUBAR.

Shenodded.“Inoticed.”

DidIhearanoteofsadnessinhervoice?Orwasitanger?

Desperatetogetthehellawayfromthistopic,Iadded,“Anyway,IwentandtalkedtoLaceyaftershe

left.She’snotupsetanymore.”Fuck,thatsoundedbad.Iwetmylips.“Imean,Idon’tthinkshewasever

reallyupset.Just...startled.”

Daniellasmiledwithobviousrelief.Itwassmallandalittlewan,butitwasthemostgenuine

expressionI’dseenonherfaceinawhile.“Goodtoknowwedidn’ttraumatizeher.”

ReachingdowntorubSutton’sback,Iconsideredgoingintomoredetailaboutlastnight.Butthe

thoughtofsharingsuchanintimateconversation...Ireallydidn’twantto.Itfeltwrong,damaging,like

thethingsI’drevealedtoLaceywouldwitherinthelightofday.Butmyprivatetalkwithherstillfeltlike

anothersecretIwaskeepingfromDaniella.Yetanotherbrickinthegrowingwallbetweenus.

Inuncomfortablesilence,wefinishedthelastofourbreakfast,facingeachotheracrossaninvisible

divide.

Afterbreakfast,DaniellacleanedthedisheswhileIgrabbedmylaptopandheadedintotheoffice,

needingtoescapetheweirdvibeinourhouse.

•••

Laterthatafternoon,Laceyinvitedmeoverforadrink.Iwanttotalktoyou,hershorttexthadsaid.

Amessagelikethatwasnevergoodnews.Witheverystepfrommytrucktoherapartment,my

forebodingdeepened.ButwhenLaceyopenedherdoor,stilldressedinworkoutclothesfromherrun,I

startedtorelax.Shewassodowntoearthandeasytobearound,itcalmedme.

Afterabriefhello,shegesturedtothecouch.Isatdownandshewenttothekitchentopourour

drinks.Shecamebackwithaglassoflemonicedteaforherselfandatumblerofwhiskeyforme.

Itookasip;itwasperfect,withjustenoughwatertobringoutthewhiskey’sfullflavor.Shehadn’t

struckmeasahard-liquorfan,soshemusthaveboughtabottlejustforme.Andsherememberedexactly

howIlikedit.

“Howareyou?”Laceyasked,herblueeyesbrightandfixedonme.

Tryingtokeepmybalanceinanearthquake.“I’mfine.Areyoustillokay?”

Shenodded.“Yeah.I’msorryIgotsomadlastnight.IguessIjust...Ifelttoomuch,anditsurprised

me.Everythingallcameoutintheworstway.”

Ireachedout,wantingtotakeherhandandsootheherguilt.Butshewasn’tfinished.

Lookingdownathercup,shebitherlip.“Seeingyoulikethatmademerealizesomething.”

Shit.Iknewwhatshewasabouttosay.Theheavyatmospherefeltdarkandinescapable.

“Atfirst,IthoughtIcoulddothis...”Laceywavedherhand,distressed,searchingfortheright

words.“Sharingyouwithsomeoneelse.ButitturnsoutIcan’t.”

Iexhaledslowly,tryingtokeepcontrol.Fearandangerwhirledthroughmeallatonce,squeezingmy

heartandroilingmystomach.

“Nolan?”Sherestedherhandonmyarm.Hergentletouch,meanttoreassure,burnedmyskinand

cloudedmythoughts.“I’msorrytoputyouinthisposition.Ididn’twanttoforceyoutochoose,likesome

kindofultimatum.”

Iforcedmyselftosaysomethingmorecoherentthanswearing.“No,it’sokay.Iknowyou’renot

doingthistomanipulateme.Ifyouwantmonogamy,thenthat’swhatyouwant.”

Iwasn’tlying—Ididn’tblameLaceyatall.Comingcleanwasmuchbetterthanhidingherneeds

behindaplasticsmile,gettingmoreandmoreresentful,untilourwholerelationshipblewupinmyface.

Butknowingthatdidn’thelpmyfeelingsrightnow.MainlybecauseIhadnofuckingideawhatIwas

goingtodo.

Shenoddedandatentativesmileappeared.“I’mgladyouunderstand.Ifeelbad,butit’sjust,

realistically,IknowIcan’tgoonlikethis.”

Iknewwhatshewastalkingabout.MybondandobligationstoDaniellapulledmeaway.Togive

Laceymyfullattention—whichwaswhatsheneededfromalover—Iwouldhavetocutthosetiesand

makeLaceyahigherpriority.

Onsomelevel,wayinthebackofmymind,I’dknownthismomentwascoming.Butfeelingthe

gatheringtensionintheairhadn’tpreparedmeforthestorm.Iwascaughtbetweenarockandahard

place—asubmissivewhotrustedandreliedonme,andanewloverwhoIwantedmorewith.

AndwhileIdefinitelyfeltsomethingforLacey,somethingrealandgoodandpure,I’dhavetosellmy

soultoholdontoit.AndtherewasnofuckingwayIwasreadytodothat.Notnow,possiblynotever.

ChoosingLaceymeantuprootingmywholecarefullyconstructedlife.Myindependence,mysimple

pleasures,myfreedomfrompain.Butnotchoosingher...thethoughtfeltlikeaknifebetweentheribs.

Uncomfortable,Ishifted,searchingforawaytomakeherunderstand.“Itoldyouinthebeginning

howIoperated,whatIwaslookingfor.”

“Youhavefeelinginthatclosed-offheartofyours,”shesaid,hervoicecrackingwithemotion.“I’ve

seenit.Whenyoutalkaboutthosekidsatthecamp...”

“No.That’sjustmywayofensuringonelesskidfallsdowntherockypathIdid.It’snothing;trust

me.”

Hereyessaidsomethingdifferent.

Trapped,confused,ItoldherIneededtothinkandgotthehelloutofthere.

AsIdrovetowardtown,ItextedGreyson.MeetmeatWest’s?Evenifhedidn’tofferanyuseful

advice,Icouldstillgetblack-outdrunk.

•••

AssoonasIsatdownnexttohimatthebar,Greysonsaid,“Letmeguess.ThisisaboutLaceyagain.”

“Hellotoyoutoo,asshole.”

Thebartendercameover,andIorderedawhiskey.

Greysontookaslugofhisbeer.“What’sthesituation?”

Igavehimaquickrecapofeverythingthathadhappenedinthepasttwenty-fourhours,including

Lacey’sfinaldecisionaboutmonogamy.

“So,congratulations,youwereright,”Ifinishedsourly.

“Damn.”Greysonsighed.“That’ssomeheavyshit.”

Iglaredathiminexasperation.“I’msogladforyourinfinitewisdom.”

Greysonshrugged,turninghispalmsup.“Whatdoyouwantmetosay?You’reinatoughplace,andI

canseewhyyou’restressingout,butthesolutioniskindofobvious.Right?”

Obvious?Thehellishetalkingabout?

WhenIdidn’trespondforaminute,hiseyeswidenedintoanincredulousstare.“Dude.Areyou

serious?YouhavethisincredibleconnectionwithLacey,andyou’restillgoingtokeepfuckingaround?”

“Ididn’tsaythat,”Isnapped.“IcametotalktoyoubecauseIdon’tknowwhatI’mgoingtodo.This

isn’tassimpleasyouseemtothink.”

“IthinkyoucouldloveLacey.Iknowyoudon’tloveDaniella.”Greysonshruggedagainandalmost

spilledalittleofhisbeer.“Soundsprettydamnsimpletome.”

Ididn’tevenwanttoaddresshisuseoftheL-word.Themotherfucker.

“Justbecausewe’renotromanticdoesn’tmeanDaniellaisn’timportanttome.We’vebeenfriends

foryears.Ican’tjustditchher.”

Mywhiskeychosethatmomenttoarrive.Ithrewatenatthebartenderandsaid,“Keepthechange,”

impatienttofinishbeforeGreycouldinterrupt.“Ifyougotagirlfriendandsuddenlystoppedhangingout

withme,thatwouldmakeyouatool.”

“ButI’mnotfuckingyou,amI?”Greysonlaughedathisownjoke.“Andyou’renotjust‘hangingout’

withDaniella.Sexkindachangestheequation.”Hepinchedhisthumbandfingertogether.“Justalittle.”

WhydidGreysonhavetobesogoddamnannoyingwhenhewasright?“Yeah,butDaniellaneedsme.

Igiveheraplacetolive.I’dbethrowingheroutonthestreet.”

“Oh,please.She’sonlylivingwithyouforfreebecauseyouinsisted.She’llbefineonherown.

Nursesmakeprettydecentmoney,andshe’shadtwoyearstosquirrelawayalmostallherpaychecks.And

it’snotlikeLaceywouldinsistthatyouevictherwithoutwarning.”

Ibitmytongue.Greysonhadnoideawhathewastalkingabout.MyarrangementwithDaniella

wasn’tjustaboutmoney.Sheneededsecurityandstabilityandemotionalsupport.Shealsoneededkink,

andbecauseofherassholeex-Dom,Iwastheonlypersonshetrustedenoughtosubmitto.Theugly

aftermathofherbreakuptwoyearsagowasstillinplaynow.

ButnoneofthatwasanyofGreyson’sbusiness.Icouldn’tblabDaniella’swholeprivate,painful

historyjusttomakeapoint.Anddesertingherinatimeofneedwouldmakemeanass.

Greysoninterruptedmystonysilence.“Actually,screwthis.Daniella’sabiggirl.Whynottalktoher

directly,insteadofjusttalkingabouther?”

Becausethatwouldmakethismessfeelwaytooreal.Becauseitmeantmywholelifewaspoisedon

theedgeofacliff.Istruggledtocomeupwithanexplanationthatwouldn’tmakeGreylaughinmyface.

Eyesnarrowed,Ifoldedmyarmsovermychest.“I’mnotdoingthat.”Bringingthisupnowwould

onlymakeherworry.IwouldtellherwhenIhadafinaldecision.

“Damnit,Nolan,”Greymuttered.Foralongmoment,hejuststaredatme,asomberexpressionon

hisfaceandhisbeerpausedhalfwaytohismouth.Icouldn’ttellwhathewasthinking.“Holdingafriend

ashediedinyourarmswouldfuckanyoneup.”

Oh,hellno.Heofallpeopledidnotgettothrowthatinmyface.

“ThishasnothingtodowithMarcus,”Igrowled.

“Thefuckitdoesn’t.”Finally,Greysetdownhisglassandspunonthebarstooltofacemefully.

“Youwantmyhonestopinionornot?”

Ishrugged.Sure,whythehellnot?

“Ithinkyou’reanidiot.You’vegotawomanwholovesyou,andyou’resittingherewringingyour

handsaboutittome.IfyouendthingswithDaniella,youcanstillhangoutwithher.She’llstillbeyour

friendwithherclotheson.ButifyouendthingswithLacey,youloseallofher.Everythingyour

relationshipcouldhavebeen.Awholefuturefullofpossibilities.Andyou’llregretblowingthatchance

fortherestofyourlife.”

“Youdon’tknowthat,”Imuttered.

“TellmeonethingyoulikeaboutLacey,andwouldgenuinelymissifshewasn’tinyourlife.”

Ithoughtitoverforagoodlongwhile.Therewasmorethanonething...alotmore.Whichmight

havebeenhisentirepointinaskingme.

“Shelikeskissingme.Alot,”Ifinallyanswered,feelinglikeasentimentalprickasasmuggrin

tuggedupmylips.

“AndDanielladoesn’t?”Hechuckled.

Hereallyhadnoideaaboutthekink.Ourrelationshipwasn’tbuiltonthatkindofemotionalintimacy.

Justafuck-loadoftrust.SheprovidedwhatIneeded,andIgaveherthesameinreturn.

“No,”Isaidsimply.

Greylookedatmewithasortofsadgleaminhiseye.LikehewashappyIfoundsomeonewholoved

meenoughtokissme.Openly.Onthemouth.Allthetime.

Butshit,itwasn’tlikehehadanyone,either.Iknewhedidn’thaveanyonewarminghisbedand

lovingonhim.Hespentallhistimeatworkoratthegym.Whenheoccasionallytookagirlhome,Inever

heardofheragain.

“Ithinkyouhaveyouranswer,dude.”Helookedatmeknowingly.

Igruntedinacknowledgment,justtoendthisfuckingconversationalready.LittledidheknowI

wasn’tabouttotradeinmywholeworldforsomegoodpussy.

Wefinishedourdrinksinsilenceforthenexthalfhour.Therewasnoescapefrommyownthoughts.

Greydidn’tunderstandthatIwouldlosemorethansexifIendedthingswithDaniella.She

representedmyentirewayoflifeforthepasttwoyears.Mypartner,mycounterweight.Wesharedthe

samepurpose.Wecouldfulfilleachother’sneedsforsexandcompanionshipwithoutgettingattached

enoughtogethurt.

UntilImetLacey,Icouldhavemaintainedthatequilibriumforever.Butshe’dknockedmeoff-

balance.AndifIletthosescalestip,therewasnogoingback,whatevermynewlifehadinstore.

But,Irealized,itwasalreadytoolate.I’dreachedthepointofnoreturn.Discontenthadalready

creptintome.I’dtastedwhatawoman’slovecouldoffer,andthelifethathadoncesatisfiedmenowleft

mecoldandhungry.Laceypromisedmemore,andevenifIwasn’tsure,didIreallywanttoremainin

thislukewarmlimbo?

Lastnight,whenLaceyhadcaughtmeinbedwithDaniellaandrunaway,mypanichadleftnoroom

forconfusion.SeeingLaceylikethathaddrivenouteveryotherthought.Theideathatshemightbescared

orhurthadmademerunafterheronpureinstinct.Inthatmoment,myprioritieshadturnedcrystalclear.

Andifthesituationswerereversed,IwouldneverbeokaywithsharingLaceywithanotherman.The

thoughtalonemademefeelhomicidal.Knowingsomeoneelsewastouchingher?Itmademewanttobeat

themotherfuckerwithinaninchofhislife.

ButIwasn’tabouttotellGreythathewasright...andfaceeveryemotionI’dturnedoff.Atleast,

notyet.

ChapterSixteen

Lacey

Ihadn’theardfromNolanintwodays.Worryanddoubthadn’tjuststartedtocreepin;theytookover

everycellofmybeing,settlinginanddemandingattention.Ifeltachyandtiredallthetime,despite

sleepingmorethanusual.

KnowingI’dputhiminadifficultspotwithDaniella,Ifeltterribleaskinghimtodecide.He’dbeen

upfrontfromthebeginning,I’dknownabouthertheentiretime,andDaniellahadn’tdoneanythingwrong.

YetnowIwasaskinghimtoessentiallykickheroutandgivemeexclusivitywhenIhadn’tevenbeen

honestaboutmyownpastyet.

Thatwouldcome.Iknewithadto,butfornow,Icouldn’tdenymyselfwhatIwanted.Whatwasthat

saying?Theheartwantswhatitwants.AndminewantedNolan.

Asimplephonecalltohimcouldsolveallofmyworry.Icouldaskhimpoint-blankwherehestood,

whathewanted,andifhe’dmadeadecision.Butdoubtandfearkeptmefrommakingthatcall.Whatifhe

choosesher?

Idecidedtotakeachance.TofinallymeetDaniella,talkwomantowoman,andseeifwecouldsettle

this.Musteringupmycourage,IheadeddownstairsanddrovetoNolan’shouse.

WhenIpulledup,Iwasrelievedtoseehistruckgone,andDaniella’slittlesilversedanparkedinthe

driveway.

Heregoesnothing.

Daniellaopenedthedoorwithawarmsmile.“CanIhelpyou?”

Seeingherinpersonwaslikeasmackofharshrealizationtotheface.Shewasbeautiful.Tallwith

willowylimbs,anddarkhairthathungdownherbackinloosewaves.Hereyescouldn’tbedescribedas

hazel,buttheyweren’tquitebrowneither.Theirmossycolorwasunique,andsetagainstherporcelain

skinandregalfeatures,theywerestriking.

Shewaswatchingmewithaguardedsmile.Hiddeninthesmilewasaquestion:Areyougoingto

changemyentireworld?

ButIdidn’tknowtheanswertothatquestion.Itookadeepbreathandsteeledmyselfforwhatwas

suretobeanawkwardencounter.

“I’mLacey.”

Hersmileinstantlyfaded.“Nolan’snothererightnow.”

Myheartstartedtorace.“Iknowthat,”Imanagedtosay.

“Then,whatbringsyouby?”Hertoneheldthesamecautionashersmile.

“IcamebytoseeifIcouldtalktoyou,actually,”Isaid,tryingnottosoundtoopanickedor

aggressive.

“Okay,”shereplied—alittlecarefully.

SheopenedthedoorwiderandIsteppedintotheirneatlivingroom.Vacuumlinesinthecarpet.

Stacksofpaperbacksthatmusthavebeenherssatonthebookshelves,restingbesidehiscollectionof

vinylrecordsandvariousmilitaryawards.

Apitofuneasesettledinmystomach.Forbetterorworse,theyhadbuiltalifetogether.

“Youwantsomethingtodrink?Abottleofwater?”sheasked.

Inoddedassheledthewaythroughthekitchen,whereshegrabbedtwobottlesofwaterandthen

stoppedatthediningtable.

Isatdownacrossfromherandfoldedmyhandsinmylap.Youcouldhavecutthetensionintheair

withaknife.Especiallysincetheimagesofherfromthatnightwerestillburnedintomybrain,luridand

shocking.

Crimsonstreakslacedthroughherotherwisejet-blackhair.Redhandprintsonherass,tattoos

twiningoverherskin,silverbarbellsinhernipples.

ThiswomanandIwerepolaropposites.Iwasaboutasexoticasasliceofwhitebread.Nolanmight

havesaidthathisrelationshipwithDaniellawasbuiltsolelyoncompanionship,butobviouslysomething

aboutherturnedhimon.Evenafterjustafewminutesinherpresence,Icouldseewhy.Shewasdifferent,

excitingandedgy.Herlipswereglossyred,shewaswearingafadedT-shirtforaLondonArtFair,and

therewasatinysemicolontattooontheinsideofherwrist.

Iknewrightthenthatthiswasn’tsomemeaninglessaffair.Thiswomanhadheldhisinterestand

dominatedhislovelifefortwoyears.Nobodyelsehadevencomeclosetoherlevelofcommitment.

Exceptforme...God,Ihopeso.

SittingatDaniella’stable—attheirtable—mademenervousinawayIhadn’tbeenbefore.Itwas

theshockI’dfeltattheNurses’Ballalloveragain.EverytimeIsawher,shebecamemoreofareal

persontome;itwasclearthatshewasnoone-dimensionalfling.Shehadinterestsandpassionsand

depth.TheirrelationshiphaditsownhistorythatIcouldn’ttouch.Theyhadprobablysharedthingsthathe

andIneverwould—bothinthebedroomandoutsideit.

Achilloficydreadcreptoverme.Thiswasn’tgoingtobeaseasyasI’dhoped.I’dbeensosurethat

NolanandIweregreattogether,butnow,forthefirsttime,IbegantowonderifImeasuredup.IfIwas

enoughforhim.

Daniellawatchedmecoollybutwithequalinterest,nodoubtwonderingwhatNolansawinme.

Myheartrateaccelerated.Shit.Maybecomingherewasamistakeafterall.Takingadeepbreath,I

stucktotheplan.

“First,Ihavetoapologizeforbargingintheotherday.Iheardvoicesandletmyselfinside,never

dreamingthatI’dinterrupt...somethingbetweenyouandNolan.”

Ididn’tmentionthatIwasbeingfollowed.Ididn’tmentionthatI’dfearedformysafety.Ijustlet

themthinkIwasapresumptuouspersonwhowentbargingintopeople’shouses.Itfeltawfullybrashand

brazennow,butatthetime,ithadseemedlikemyonlyoption.

Hereyessettledonmine,butshewavedadismissivehand.“Ihadnoidea,honestly...mymindwas

elsewhere.ButNolantoldmeafter,andhesaidhewenttocheckonyou.Areyouokay?”

“Actually,no.”MygazedarteduptoDaniella’s.“ButnotbecauseofwhatIsaw.Yourkinkisyour

business.It’sjustthatseeingNolanwithanotherwomanmademerealize...howdeeplymyfeelingsfor

himran.”

“Isee.”Daniellashifteduncomfortablyinherseat.“Whatareyousaying?”

Theroomspunwithunspokentensionandemotion.Iwipedmydamppalmsonmyjeans.

“Igavehimachoice.ToldhimwhatIwant—meandhim,anexclusiverelationship.”

Daniellalaughedabruptly,ahumorlessburstofshockedsurprise,asifshecouldn’tbelievewhatshe

washearing.“Whatdidhesay?”

“He’sstillthinkingitover.I’mnotsurewhathewants.”Myvoicegrewquiet,myowndoubts

obviousinmytone.“I’mnotsureifmyultimatumwilldriveawedgebetweenus,orifitwillmeanthe

endforyouandhim.”

Daniella’seyeswidenedjustslightly,butenoughformetoknowthattheideascaredher.“Soyou

couldn’thandleitafterall...usfuckingthesameman.”

Itwistedmyhandsinmylap.“Actually,NolanandI...wehaven’thadsex.”

Daniella’sposturestiffenedasthecolordrainedfromherface.“Well,thatchangeseverything.”

“Howso?”

“Becausethat’snothowNolanoperates.Neverhas.Ithoughtyouwerearandombootycall,

someonetogivehimthevanillahelikedontheside.Butifyouhaven’tevensleptwithhim,it’sobvious

hehasrealfeelingsforyou.”

Simultaneoushopeanddreadbloomedinsidemychest.Thebeginningofarealrelationshipwith

Nolanmeanteverythingtome,butitwouldalsomeancomingcleanaboutmypast.WhetherIwasready

ornot.

“Listen,”Daniellasaid,“ifthisiswhatyouwant,andifit’swhathewants,I’mnotgoingtostandin

theway.Ultimately,it’suptoNolan.”

Inodded.

Now,wewouldjusthavetowaitandsee.

ChapterSeventeen

Stuffingtheessentialsintoablackduffelbag,Igoovermyplanagain.Rope.Check.Zipties.Check.

Directionstogetthefuckoutoftownifthisgoessouth.Check.

Thedesireforrevengeboilsundermyskin.I’mhot,edgy,andunsatisfied.Vengeanceisnowsoclose

Icantasteitintheair.

Ifcircumstanceshadbeendifferent,ifyou’dfollowedwhatyouweresupposedtodo...maybeI

couldhavemadethiseasieronyou.Butthere’snogoingbacknow.I’llseetoitthatyousuffer.

YouruinedwhatIoncehelddear.RuinedeverythingIbuiltformyself.Andnowyou’regoingtopay.

I’malmostgiddywithexcitement,picturingyourfaceasyourealizewhat’shappening.

Zippinguptheduffelbag,Icheckmyphoneagain.Nowit’stime.Timeforyoutopay.

ChapterEighteen

Nolan

IhadtoendmyoldlifebeforeIcouldbeginmynewone.Ofcourse,knowingthatdidn’tmakethetask

anyeasier.IwaitedfortwodaystobreakthebadnewstoDaniella,withtheexcusethatshehadback-to-

backnursingshiftsandIwantedherfull,well-restedattention.Iusedthetimetorehearsemywordsover

andover.Buttherewasnopainlesswaytotellsomeoneyouweren’tcompatible.

ThemomentcamewhenIgothomefromworkthatevening.Suttonwassnoringonhisfavorite

armchair,sprawledoutlikeapudgybeanbag,andDaniellawasreadingonthecouch.Shehadalmost

finishedthesci-finovelshe’dstartedafewshortweeksago.

Backthen,Ihadthoughtthatnothingcoulddisruptoursafe,sterilepeace.Everythinghadchangedso

fast,fallensocompletelyoutofbalance.EvenifIcouldbringmyselftoabandonLaceynow,lifewith

Daniellawouldneverbequitethesame.

TherewasnolongeranydoubtinmymindaboutwhatIwanted.AsmuchasIdreadedthis

conversation,asmuchasitwouldhurtDaniella,Iknewthatstayingindenialwouldhurtallthreeofus

evenmore.

Daniellatensedatthesoundofmyfootsteps.Asifmynearnesshurther,asifsheknewwhatwas

coming.Buttherewasnootherway.AllIcoulddowasmakethecutasquickandcleanaspossible.

“Hey,”Icalledout,asifshedidn’talreadyknowIwashome.“Howareyou?”

Shedroppedherbookonherchesttolookatme.“Mydaywasokay.Suttonwasactingcrazyearlier,

runningaroundandbarkingatnothing.”

“Sutton,running?Arewetalkingaboutthesamelazyassholehere?”Mylaughfellpainfullyflat.

Daniellashrugged.“Isawhimdoit.Maybehethoughtsomethingwashappeningoutside.”

Icrossedtheroomandsatdownonthechair’sarm.“So,there’s,um...”Whycouldn’tImakemy

mouthwork?Itriedagain.“Ihavetotellyousomething.”

Sheblinkedslowly.“It’saboutLacey,isn’tit?”

“Yes.”Iwonderedifsheknewwhatwascoming,butIpushedonanyway.“Ineverintendedforthis

tohappen.”Damnit,Nolan,justgetitout.“Thingshave...changed.”

Shenoddedsadlyinacknowledgment,waitingformetocontinue.Butthewordsstuckinmythroat,

leavingusinawkwardsilenceforseveralseconds.Ourperfectlittlebubblehadpopped,despiteourbest

efforts.

“Doyouloveme?”shefinallyasked,hervoicewhispersoft.

Ihesitated,justlongenoughfortheseedsofdoubttogrow.“OfcourseIdo.”

Asingletearrolleddownhercheek.“It’sokay.Iwantthetruth.”

Mythroattightened,andIcouldn’tanswer.Couldn’tlookherintheeyeandsaythewordsIknew

wouldcrushher.God,thiswasexcruciating.Itookadeepbreath.

“Thengotoher.”Shewipedthetearawaywiththebackofherhand.“Givehereverything.”

Ihadexpectedshockandconfusion,angerandfear,allgushingoutinabig,uglyexplosion.But

Daniella’shazeleyesheldonlywearyresignation.Ihadneverseenherlooksopurelysad.

Finally,sheputherbookasideandsatup.“Ifigureditwouldturnoutthisway.”

Saywhat?Istammered,“You...did?”

Daniellasighed.Itwasanemptysound.“Earliertoday,Laceycamebytotalk.Shetoldme

everything.”Shewetherlips.“Irealizedthatyou’re...inlovewithher.Like,forreal.SoI’mglad

you’renotlettingmegetinthewayofthat.”

Ifoughtthroughmysurprise,tryingtoprocesseverythingshehadjustsaid.Deepinthebackofmy

mind,Ifeltafaint,shamefulgratitudethatLaceyhadlaidsomeofthegroundworkforme.ButmostlyI

justfeltlikeshit.ItwasbadenoughthatIwascuttingoffDaniella—butshehadtohearthenewsfromthe

verywomanwho’dstolenmyheart?

Sheforgedaheadthroughmyconflictedsilence.“You’reagoodman.You’vedonesomuchforme.I

justwantyoutobehappy,andifLaceymakesyouhappy,thenIunderstand.”

Ishouldn’targuewithDaniellawhenshewastryingtomakethiseasy.ButIcouldn’tstandthe

thoughtofherplayingthemartyr.Icouldn’tletherstepbackintoherold,wornroleofthecoolgirlwho

laughedoffeveryinsult,always“upforanything,”neverinconveniencinganyonewithherpain.Thegood

subwhoservedallhermaster’swhims,whowasparadedaroundinpublicandignoredathome.The

smart,generous,hardworkingwomanwhotriedherbest...yetalwaysendedupleftbehind.

“I’vealwaysknownthisdaywascoming,”shewenton.“EversinceImovedintwoyearsago.

You’reagoodcatch.Iknewyou’deventuallymeetawomanwhowasn’tokaywithsharing.”Sheblinked

rapidly,hervoicegrowinghoarsewithemotion.“And...I’vebeendoingsomethinking.Inthelongrun,

thisisbetterformetoo.”

“Daniella,Idon’twanttohurtyou.Wherewillyou—”

“Stopfeelingguiltyandlistentome.”

Ishutthehellup.Daniellagavealong,loudsniffbeforecontinuing.

“Ineededawake-upcalllikethis.I’vebeenhidingfortoolong.Iletmyexpoisonmylife.Ididn’t

wanttoseehimandhisnewsub,soIavoidedplacesIonceloved.Ididn’twanttomeetanothermanlike

him,soIhaven’teventrieddatingfortwoyears.”

“Butthat’sokay,isn’tit?Youneededabreak.”

Actually,shehadneededasafeplacetorestherheart.Evennow,aftersolong,shestillcouldn’t

bringherselftosaythatasshole’sname.

Herlowerlipquiveredandshelookedaway,steelingherresolve.“Yeah,itwasokay...fora

while.Butit’stimeformetogetbackonmyowntwofeet.Makeafreshstart.Findawaytobetruly

happyagain,notjustcomfortable.Becausesometimes...”Shetookadeep,shakybreath.“Comfortable

isjustanotherwayofsayingafraid.”

Takenaback,Inoddedsoberly.ShehadputitintobetterwordsthanIevercould.Iknewwhatitwas

liketocagemyselfinfear.BothDaniellaandIhadorganizedourwholelivesaroundavoidingthe

inevitable,terrifiedofconnectionandtherisksthatcamewithit.AsmuchasIhatedtoadmitit,we’d

beenholdingeachotherback.Usingeachotherassecurityblankets,sothatweneverhadtogrowupand

moveon.

Lookingbackonthepastfewyears,Icouldn’tbelievehowstupidI’dbeen.IthoughtI’d

singlehandedlydiscoveredthesecrettohappiness,butallI’dreallydonewasgivenuptrying.Ithadtaken

Laceytomakemeunderstandthat.Tomakemeseethelight.

AsDaniella’stearsfinallystartedtoflow,Ikneltandgatheredherclose.“Comehere.”

Sheburiedhercrumpledfaceintomyshoulder.Herleanbodyshookinmyarms.Normallyshestood

sotall,soself-assured,exudinganairofeffortlessgrace,butrightnowsheseemedsmallandfragileand

lost.Needingtobetakencareof.

AlthoughIcouldneverbeherDomagain,Icouldstillofferrefugeasherfriend.Icouldstillgiveher

thisspacetofallapart,freefromshameorfear.Andwhenshewasreadytopullherselftogetherand

moveforwardagain,Iwouldbetheretohelp.

Iheldhertightforalongtime.Untilhersobssmoothedoutintodeep,heavybreaths.

Notknowingwhatelsetosay,Imumbledintoherhair,“Youcankeepmydamnsweatshirtifyou

want.Iknowit’syourfavorite.”

Sheforcedachuckle.Thelittlehmphsoundwaspatheticandsnot-clogged,andforasecond,I

wonderedifshe’dbeokaywithoutme.

“No,it’syours,andIshouldn’thangontoanythingfromhere,anyway.Freshstart,remember?”She

pushedherselfoutofmyarms.

Realizingwhereshewasgoing,Isaid,“Youdon’thavetostartmovingoutrightnow.Laceywould

understandifyoustayedanotherweek.Oreventhroughtheendofthemonth.”

ButDaniellawasalreadyhalfwaydownthehall.

Ifollowedherintoherbedroom.“Whereareyougoingtostay?”

“Withmylittlesister.”Shegrabbedatissueandblewhernosewithaloudhonk.“Delphine’sbeen

thinkingaboutmovingoutofhercurrentplace.Icouldbehernewroommate.”

“I’msureshe’dlovethat.You’dgettohangoutmore,”Ireplied.Bothsisterssharedafondnessfor

inkandpiercings.Quiteafewoftheirtattoosmatched,commemoratingtravels,graduations,birthdays,

funerals.

Itwasn’tenoughforDaniellatolivelife;shewantedtofeelitviscerally,tocarrythememoriesof

painandpleasureonherskin.Wouldtonightmeritatattoosomeday?Ihopeditwouldbeahappyone.

Wedugthroughherclosetanddesk,sortingallherstuffintoTake,Leave,andPitchpiles.Alongthe

way,weuncoveredrandommemories,meaninglesstoanyoneexceptus.

FootballhatsandfoamfingersandticketstubsfromstadiumsalloverTexas.ADVDboxsetofaTV

serieswe’donceobsessedover.ApairofscarvesthatoneofDaniella’selderlypatientshadknittedfor

uswhilerecoveringfromsurgery.SouvenirsfromourroadtripwhenI’dhadbusinessinNewMexico:a

tinyjarofwhitesand,aRoswellUFOkeychain,aturquoisenecklacewithanO’Keeffepaintingpendant.

“Ineverknewyouweresuchapackrat,”Igrumbledafteracoupleofhours.

Thatwasn’treallyfunny,butDaniellachuckledanyway.“Hey,whatcanIsay?I’masentimental

slob.Ormaybejustaregularslob.”

Iheldupatakeoutmenuwithacartoonchilipepperonit.“Whythehelldidyouhangontothis?

Pepe’sFirePitwentoutofbusinesssixmonthsago.”

“Itwasmyfavoriteplace;Iwassadwhenitcloseddown.YouknowhowmuchIlovespicyfood.”

“Yeah,becauseyou’reamasochist.”IfoundanotheroneofmyshirtsandthrewitintheLeavepile.

“TellmesomethingIdon’tknow.”Daniellasighed.

Itsoundedlikeshewastalkingaboutmorethanjustherkinks.Ifeltapangofsympathy;sheseemed

tokeepfallingintorelationshipswithmenwhoendeduphurtingher.ButIneededtofocusonthesituation

athandandhelpDaniellagetthroughthis,notwallowinmyownguilt.Ishouldbelieveherwhenshesaid

Iwasn’tactinglikeherex-Dom.Shehadalwaystakenmywordsatfacevalue,soIshouldgiveherthe

samecourtesy.

“Holyshit,isthisthatparty?”

IshowedDaniellaaglossyphotowhoseedgeshadstartedtocurl.Adozenorsopeople—mostly

women—weregrinningandwavinginsomeone’sbackyard.Thebarbecuegrillstoodopen,butempty,

andthreehugedeliverypizzascoveredthepicnictable.

Daniellagaveahalfgroan,halflaugh.“OhGod.I’djusttransferredtotheER.Theheadnurseinvited

thewholedepartmenttoherFourthofJulyparty,andyourfuckingdogmademelooklikeanidiot.”

“Youstillholdingagrudgeaboutthat?”Ichuckled.

Inarareburstofinitiative,Suttonhadleapeduponthetableholdingtherawmeat,knocking

everyone’sdinnerintothedirt.Whatlittlefoodhedidn’tdevourwasruined.DaniellaandIhad

apologizedprofuselyandpaidforpizzawithallthetrimmings.

Aswesortedandjokedandreminisced,myshouldersslowlyunknotted.Thetensionthathadclouded

ourhomestartedtoease.Wewerefindingourfootingagainasfriends.Justfriends.

Evenso,IcouldstillhardlybelieveI’ddoneit.I’dactuallybrokenupwithDaniella.Paradoxically,

takingthishugestepmademeevenmorenervousabouttellingLacey.Itbroughtthefuture—thatterrifying

placewhereeverythingchanged—onestepcloser.

Tomorrownight,Idecided.IwouldinviteLaceyoutforanicedinnerandtellherthegoodnews

there.AlmostlikeIwasproposing.

BeforeIcouldexplorethatthought,mypocketbuzzed.Ipulledoutmyphoneandmyneckprickled

whenIreadthecallerIDscreen.JerryBarton.NobodyfromRedstoneevercalledmeoutsidework

hours,letalonethebigbosshimself.

Wonderingifourofficebuildinghadcaughtfire,Ianswered,“Yes,sir?”

“I’vegotajobforyou,Maxwell.Toppriority,”Bartonsnapped,histonemakingitclearthatrefusal

wasn’tanoption.

Ihadheardthatno-bullshitbarkplentyoftimesbefore.Buttherewasalsoanunfamiliarurgencyin

hisgruffvoice.Italmostsounded...frantic.

Whatthefuckwasgoingonhere?Bartonhadneverrevealedtheslightesthintoffeartohismen,not

evenintheworstbattlefieldsituations.IfIdidn’tknowbetter,I’dsayhewasscaredshitlessrightnow.

Istartedtoreply,“Ofcourse,whateveryou—”

“It’smydaughter,Lucky.She’sintrouble.”

ChapterNineteen

Lacey

Ihadtopee.

AsIshiftedtomyside,painsearedthroughmyhipandupmyspine,makingmystomachrollwith

nausea.Igaspedaloud—onlytochokeonthestenchofmildewintheair.

Whatthehell?Myeyesflewopen.

Iwasn’tathomeinmybed.Iwaslyingonacoldcementfloor,stilldressedintheredtunicand

leggingsI’dwornyesterdayinmyattempttowinoverNolanonceandforall.WhenItriedtoliftmyarm,

Irealizedmyhandsandanklesweresecuredwithplasticzipties.

Thedarkenedroomaroundmewasclutteredwithsagging,dustyboxes,andanoldwasheranddryer

weretuckedintothefarcorner.Afive-gallonbucketstoodoverturnedseveralfeetinfrontofme.Asif

someonehadsattherewatchingme,Irealizedwithashudder.

WasIinsomeone’sbasement?HowlonghadIbeenlyingunconscioushere?Thedimlightfilteringin

fromtheonewindowtoldmeitwasdaybreak...ormaybesunset.Iwasn’tsurewhich.

Mymindspunsluggishlytocatchup.ThelastthingIrememberedwaspreparingmyapartmentfor

Nolantocomeover.I’dlitcandlesandthenchangedintoafigure-huggingoutfit¸hopingwe’dhavethe

talkandfigureeverythingoutbetweenus.

Attheknockonthedoor,I’dopeneditwithasmile,assumingitwasNolan.Amanindarkclothes

hadgrabbedme.ShovedsomethingovermynoseandmouthuntilIwasclosetopassingout.

Thememoryblurredattheedges,mymindstillfoggysothedetailswerejustoutofreach.Myheart

gallopedatthememory.I’dstruggledwithamanmuchbiggerandstrongerthanIwas,tryingtoscream,

tryingtomakeascenesothatoneofmyneighborswouldnotice.Butithadallhappenedsofast.BeforeI

knewit,Iwasbeingshovedintothebackofacarintheparkinglot.ThewhitesedanI’dseenafewtimes

before.Asecondmaninthedriver’sseathadspedoffjustasIlostconsciousness.

Studyingmysurroundings,tryingtogatherupeverydetailIcould,Istrainedmyeyesinthegloom,

earsprickedforthesmallestsound.Buttherewasnothing.

Achillofdreadcreptdownmyspine.ThishadtodowithTroy;Ijustknewit.Andthistime,there

wouldbenorunningaway.IhadahorriblefeelingIwasgoingtodiehere.

No,no.

Ifoughtbackawaveoftearsandnausea,forcingmyselftocalmdownandkeeplistening.Mycaptor

wasprobablyupstairs.ButIcouldn’thearanymovementortalking.Itwasdeadsilent,onlythewhoosh

ofmyheartbeatthuddinginmyears.

Icheckedmyselfoverforinjuries.Liftingmyboundhands,Ifeltalumpundermyhaironthebackof

myhead.Ouch.Iwincedandpulledmyhandsawayfromthetenderskin.Butotherthanhavingtopee

terribly,Iseemedtobefine.Fornow.

God,I’msuchanidiot.Whyhadn’tItoldsomeone—mydad,Nolan,anybody—aboutwhatwas

goingon?ThinkingofNolanmademychestacheandmyeyessting.Iwantedhimtoholdmesobadly.

Mystupidgoddamnplanhadfailed.HehadnoideawhereIwas,andevenifhecouldsomehow

figureitout,didIevendeserveforhimtorescueme?I’dfuckedeverythingupbeyondbelief.Onewayor

another,ourrelationshipwasalmostcertainlyover.HislifewithDaniellawouldgobacktonormal,our

wholebriefaffairforgotten.

HeavyfootstepsthuddedoverheadandIfroze.Myheartpounding,Isankbackagainstthewall,

bracingmyselfforwhatevercamenext.

ChapterTwenty

Nolan

It’smydaughter,Lucky.Thosefoursimplewordshadsentadrenalinesurgingthroughme.

Bartonhadlosttoomuch,seentoomuchaction,andburiedtoomanymenovertheyears.Ifitwasme

hetrustedtosavehisdaughter,Iwassureasshitbringingherbackalive,andnotinsomebodybag.At

leastI’ddomybest,andifIdiedtrying,sobeit.Itwasafairtrade,asfarasIwasconcerned.Ididn’t

knowmuchabouthischildren,onlythathehadtwogrowndaughtershewasimmenselyprotectiveof.

Myassignmentwassimple.Bartonhadbeentrackingtheseassholesforawhile.Apparentlythey

wereconnectedwiththatsameOklahomaCitydrugringI’dassistedthepolicewithafewweeksago.His

informantsaidthekidnappersdroveawhitesedanandwereatahouseinNorthDallas,nearRidgecrest

andHemlock.

Igrimaced;theFivePointsareawasoneofthecity’sworstneighborhoods.Butwithalittlehelp

fromafriend,I’dbemorethanuptothetask.

Daniellahadbeenconfusedatthesuddeninterruption,butsheunderstoodwhyIcouldn’talways

sharethedetailsaboutmyjob.Aftershewishedmeluckandresumedpacking,IcalledGreysontotell

himIneededbackup.Bartontrustedmetobuildmyownteam,andGreysonwasthebestchoice.Having

spentsomanyyearsworkingcloselytogether,weoperatedaseachother’sshadow.Ipickedhimupathis

houseanddebriefedhimwhilewedrovetoRedstone.

Wecheckedoutapairofhandgunsandbulletproofvestsfromthecompany’sarmory.Bartonhad

pulledsomestringstoequiphisemployeeswithfirearmsidenticaltothosetheyhadusedintheservice.It

wasn’tjustforsentimentalvalue;evenafterretraining,operatingadifferentgunfromtheoneyouwere

usedtocouldcostpreciousmillisecondsorcrucialaccuracy.SoIgotashinynewSIGP226Navypistol.

Smallenoughtoconceal,butbigenoughtokillanythingthatmoved.Icouldonlypraythisassignment

wouldn’tcometothat.

OnceGreysonandIwerefullyoutfitted,weheadedtotheintersectionofRidgecrestandHemlock.

Fromthere,wedroveinwideningcircles,keepinganeyeoutforabuildingthatfittheinformant’s

description.Itdidn’ttakelongtospotasmall,dilapidatedranchhousewithawhitesedanparkedout

front.

Keepinglow,Icreptacrosstheovergrownyardtolookinthewindow.Isawamostlybareliving

roomwithmold-stainedwalls.Thesinglenakedlightbulbontheceilingcastmoreshadowsthanit

banished.Amansatonthecouch,huntingknifeinhand,watchingthefrontdoor.Theskinonthebackof

myneckprickled.

Thiswasdefinitelytherightplace.Iturnedmyattentiontothelayoutoftheroom.Itsonlyaccess

pointsseemedtobethefrontdoorandthekitchen.Iftheyhadahostagehere,Iwasguessingsheandher

guardweren’ttheonlyonespresent,sinceBartonhadtoldmethekidnappingwasgang-related.More

peoplewereprobablywaitingelsewhereinthehouse.Buthowmany,Ihadnoidea.

IsignaledtoGreysonandwemovedtothefrontdoor.Weweren’tthepolice;wehadnoobligationto

announceourselvesorgivetheenemyachancetocomequietly.Wewouldusetheelementofsurpriseto

getinandoutasfastaspossible.

WithGreysonclosebehindme,Ishotthroughthelockandkickedthedoorin.

Theguardjumpedtohisfeet.Hetookonelookatourgearandbellowed,“Cops!”

Hiswarningshoutconfirmedthepresenceofhisallies.Nointimidationtactics,then.EvenifI

managedtothreatenhimintodroppinghisweapon,itwouldjustwasteenoughtimeforhisbuddiesto

showup.ButIalsodidn’tlikekillingpeopleifIcouldhelpit,andIwantedsomeanswersfromthese

assholes.

Theguardrushedatme,knifebrandishedinhisfistlikeanicepick.Howsloppy.Hepulledbackhis

armtostabdownward,andIspuntoletthebladepassinfrontofme.Igrabbedhiswristinonehandand

pistol-whippedhiminthebackofthehead.Hethrashedandcursedindefiantrage.Islammedhisface

intothefloor,forcinghimtohisknees,hisknifearmtwistedpainfullybehindhisback.Hissnarling

quicklytransformedintoincoherentscreeching.

Imusthavedislocatedhisshoulder,whichmeanthisknifearmwasthoroughlydisabled.Unlessthis

prickwasambidextrous,itwastimetostopscrewingaroundwithhimandgetwhatwecamefor.I

holsteredmypistol,yankedhisknifeaway,andhauledhimontohisfeet.

Ipointedtoaspotalongthewallnearthekitchendoor.“Staythere,”Igrowledundermybreath.

Hebaredhisbloodiedyellowteethandspatonmyvest.Ijuststaredhardathim,eyesnarrowed,and

pointedagain—withtheknifethistime.Afteramoment,heacceptedthatIwasn’tbluffingandobeyedmy

order.

IflashedGreysonaquicksequenceofhandsignalstotellhimI’dsearchforthehostagewhilehe

stayedbehindasalookout.Greygaveanodofapprovalandfacedthekitchen,pistolattheready.The

formerguardseemedwillingtostaydown,butGreystillkeptoneeyeonhim.

Icreptthroughthekitchenandfoundasetofstairsthatledtoabasement.ItwasrarethatTexas

homeshadbasements,butmaybethatwaswhytheseperpshadchosenthishouseinthefirstplace.

Withmybacktothewall,Isilentlycreptdown.Thelowerlevelstankofmildew.Aquicksweepof

theareashowedconcretefloorsandwalls,andashadowyfigurehuddledinthecorner.ItwassosmallI

almostmissedit.Evenfacingthewall,though,itwasclearlyfemale.

Shit,thehostage.

She’dbetterbealiveortheseassholesweregoingtoanswerforthis.ButasIcrossedtheroom,she

gaveasmallmurmuredgroan,andIreleasedarelievedbreath.

Ikneltbehindherandusedtheguard’sknifetocutthroughtheplasticziptiessecuringherwristsand

ankles.Shemadeagroggynoiseandstruggledweaklyonherside.Sheseemedawake,butvery

disoriented;maybeherkidnappershadsedatedher.Orjustgivenheraconcussion.

“Don’tworry,Lucky,you’resafenow,”Imurmured.Hernamehadprobablyneverbeenmore

appropriate.Onceherlimbswerefree,Irolledherover.“I’moneofthegoodguys.I’llgetyououtof

...”

Thewordsdiedinmythroat.Eveninthisdim,sicklylight,herfacewasunmistakable.ItwasLacey.

Terrorandrelieftorethroughmeatthesametime,leavingmykneesweakandmyheartpounding.

Laceyhadbeenkidnappedbydrug-dealingpsychos.Thatrealizationwasinstantlyfollowedbyanother—

LaceywasBarton’spreciouslittlegirl.AnyreliefIfeltwasinstantlyboiledawaybyanger.

She’dliedtomethisentiretime?ShewasJerryfuckingBarton’sdaughter?

Alertedbythesoundsofcombatandthunderingfootstepsoverhead,Iliftedherlimpbodyandslung

herovermyshoulder.WereachedthetopofthestairsjustintimetohearGrey’spistolboom.Aman

tumbledoverinaheap,screamingandclutchinghisknee.Thefirstmanreachedouttohelphim,but

stoppedwhenIaimedmypistolathim.

“Itoldyoutostaystill,motherfucker,”Igrowled.

Keepinghissightstrainedontheinjuredman,Greysoncreptcloseandpluckedthegunfromhisbelt.

Heejectedthemagazineontothefloorandthrewtheemptyweaponacrosstheroom.

WithonearmbalancingLacey’sdeadweightovermyshoulderandtheotherhandonmygun,Iforced

myselftostaycool.WhateverImightfeelaboutherdeception,thisjobwasn’toveryet.

Ireevaluatedourtacticalsituation.Twomen,bothdisarmed,onewithabustedshoulderandthe

otherwithabustedleg.Allthisfightinghadmadeonehellofaruckus,butnobodyelsehadshownup.If

anyreinforcementswereontheirway,theywouldhavealreadyarrived.Soeitherthesetwoguys

operatedaloneortheirallieshadbailedatthefirstsignoftrouble.

Seriously?Whatafuckingjoke.

Iholsteredmypistol,lettingmyhandlingeronthestock.IknewIcoulddrawitfasterthantheseguys

couldclosethedistancebetweenus.Cockingmyheadatthegirldrapedovermyshoulder,Ibarkedatthe

men,“Doyouknowwhoherfatheris?”

Iwaswonderingwhattheirmotivationcouldbe,andexactlyhowstupidtheywere.Hadtheybeen

tryingtoholdLaceyforransom?DidtheyhavesomekindofgrudgeagainstBarton?Ordidtheyjust

abductprettygirlsand...?Ifoughtdownanothersurgeofanger.

Bothmenjustgavemeasurlyglare.Islowlydrewmypistolagain,givingthemplentyoftimeto

imaginewhatmighthappeniftheydidn’tcooperate.

Thesecondguystayedtight-lipped;hisfacewaswhitewithpain.Butthefirstonemuttered,“Who

givesafuckaboutherdaddy?ShewasTroy’sbitch;s’allthatmatters.”

Iopenedmymouthtoask,WhothehellisTroy?ThenIremembered.Ihadcomeacrossthatname

before.Justlastweek,whenIhelpedtheFWPDinvestigatethecollapsedOklahomaCitydrugring.

JesusChrist.Laceywasacrimelord’sgirlfriend?No,sheusedtobe;Troyhadcometoagrislyend.

Butstill,Inevercouldhaveimaginedthis.Whenshe’dtoldmethatshewasrunningfromsomething,I’d

assumeditwasabrokenheartshe’dleftbackhome.Nothingthatabottleoftequilaandareboundfling

couldn’tfix.

Damn,howwrongI’dbeen.

I’dassumedtheseguyswereeithersmall-timethugs,attackingrandomly,orusingLaceytotargether

father.Butithadbeenneither.TheywereafterLaceyherself.Sheknewsomething,owedthemsomething

—oratleast,theyassumedshedid.

ThelongerIthoughtaboutit,themorethisentiresituationstank.WhentheseguyssnatchedLacey,

Bartonhadinstantlyfoundoutaboutit;hewouldn’thavekeptsuchacloseeyeonthemifhehadn’t

expectedtrouble.Hemusthavehadsomepersonalexperiencewiththisganginthepast.

Bartonprobablyhadhisreasonsforplayingitcool,butwhyhadn’tIheardanyofthisfromLacey?

She’dnevermentionedthatshewasindeepshitwithorganizedcrime.Orthefactthatherdadhappened

tobemyboss.

She’dhiddenthisinformationfromme.Ididn’tknowwhy.ButIknewshehadliedtome.Enoughto

startashadowofdoubtcreepingoverourwholerelationship.

IftherewasonethingIcouldn’tstomach,itwasaliar.Myentirelifewasdevotedtocontrol,

exposingcorruptionandbringingordertotheworld.She’dbroughtallthistomydoorstepwithan

innocentsmileandthosecome-hithereyes.

Angerburnedlikemoltenleadinmyveins.ButIbeatitbackagain;Istillhadbusinesstotakecareof

here.

“Lookslikeyourluckyday,”IannouncedtothetwomenwithabravadoIdidn’tfeel.“I’mnotgoing

toblowyourfuckingbrainsout.Andifyouwantthingstostaythatway,you’llleavethisgirlalonefor

good.She’snotinvolvedwithwhateversickshityou’reupto.”

Partofmewonderedwhetherthatwastrue.Afterwhathadjustcometolight,howcouldIbesureof

anything?ForallIknew,maybeLaceyhadplayedapartinTroy’sbusiness.

Ishookmyhead,forcingmyselftostopspinninginhersecrets.Weneededtogetthehelloutofhere.

Therewouldbetimeforanswerslater.

Withouttakingmyeyesoffthetwomen,Isaid,“Coverme,Grey.”

GreysonkepthispistolpointedatthemwhileIadjustedmyholdonthelimpbodyovermyshoulder.

Ibackedoutofthekitchenandtowardthefrontdoor...untilIfeltalighttaponmyback.

“Ihaveto,um,pee,”shewhispered,hervoicehoarse.

MyeyeslockedwithGrey’s.“Shehastopee,”Irepeatedlikeadipshit.

Grey’seyeswidenedandheshotmealookthatsaid,Seriously?Andifshehadtotakehertampon

out,wouldyouhelpwiththattoo?

Thesadthingwas,yeah,Iprobablywould.Icarriedherstraightintothecrappylittlebathroomand

tuggeddownherleggingsandpanties.Abitunsteady,shesatdownandrelievedherself,herposture

slumpedindefeat.Iavertedmygaze,keepingitlockedonthedoorway,bothtogivehersomeprivacyand

tomakesurewewerestillalone.

Whenshewasdone,Iscoopedherupinmyarmsandwalkedoutofthatfoul,run-downhouse,secure

intheknowledgethatGreysonwascoveringmeallthewaytomytruck.

HestartedtheengineasIlaidhergentlyacrossthebackseatandgotin,scootingsomylapsupported

herhead.Shecouldn’tsitupbyherself,andtobehonest,asmadasIwas,Ineededtoholdher.

AsGreysonspedtowardthehighway,IpulledoutmyphoneanddialedtheDallasPD’snarcotics

division.Thebored-soundingofficerwhoansweredperkedrightupwhenIdeliveredmytipabouta

certaindrugoperation.Thosebastardswouldbegoingtojailforalong,longtime.

WhenIhungup,Greyson’sgazeflickedtothebackseat.“IsthatreallyLacey?”

Igruntedanaffirmative,innomoodtodiscussthiswithhim.Icouldn’tevenwrapmybrainaround

thisfucked-upsituationyet,letaloneputwordstoit.Tryingtomakesenseofthings,Iturnedandstared

outthewindow.

Heblewoutaloudbreath,nonplussed.“Soyou’vebeendatingtheboss’sdaughterthiswholetime?

Damn.Idon’twanttobearoundwhenthathitsthefan.”

Heprobablycouldn’tseeit,butIgrimacedathimanyway.“Isthatreallywhatyou’refocusedon

rightnow?Jeez,dude,unfuckyourpriorities.”

Althoughtheremighthavebeenatinypartofmethatagreedwithhim.Itwasn’tenoughthatshewasa

druglord’sex—shehadtobetheboss’sdaughtertoo?Thatwasjusticingonthegoddamncake.I’dgotten

usawayfromTroy’soldbuddies,butwouldIbesoluckywithBarton?

“Dropusoffatmyplace,”IinstructedGrey.

Bartonhadsaidnohospitalsunlesshisdaughterwasinneedofimmediatemedicalcare.Hesaidhe

didn’tknowhowbigthisthingwas,orwhohecouldtrustyet.StillinDCwhenhegotthenewsaboutthe

kidnapping,hecouldn’thavebeenherequicklyenough,sohewascountingonmealonetokeephersafe.I

wasonlythirtyminutesfromher,andhetrustedmeimplicitly.

ToobadhehadnocluethatI’dbeeneatinghisdaughter’spussyandlustingafterhersobadlyI

ached.Goddamnit.

“No...Lan...”

Istartledwhenaslimhandbrushedmine.IlookeddowntoseeLaceygrippingmyfingersweakly.

Herblueeyeswerestillheavy-lidded,butmuchbrighterthanbefore.

“Youreallycame...forme?”

“OfcourseIdid.”

Shetrailedoffintoablurrymumble.Itmighthavebeenmyimagination,butIthoughtshesaidI’m

sorry.

“Shhh.”Istrokedhertangledhair.“It’sokay.Justrest.”

Itwasn’tfuckingokay,notatall.Mydoubtwasstillgrowing,andwithit,myangrysenseofbetrayal.

Butfornow,IletLaceysleep—andIletmyselfenjoyherwarmweight,knowinghowsoonImighthave

topushitaway.

ChapterTwenty-One

Lacey

OnlyoncewewereinsideNolan’shouse,withthedoorbolted,couldIfinallyrelaxenoughtodrawa

deepbreath.Hesatmedownonthesoftleathersofaandmyentirebodysaggedinrelief.Thefearand

adrenalinefromthelastseveralhoursdrainedaway;IknewIwassafe.ThankGod.WhatIdidn’tknow

iswhereIstoodwithNolan.

Turningtofacehim,Iopenedmymouthtosaysomething,tothankhimforsavingmylife.Butthe

wordsdiedinmythroat.Hewasfumingmad,stalkingaroundthelivingroomwithagrimace,double-

checkinghisgunbeforeplacingitonthediningtable.

“Youliedtome.”Hisvoicewashollowandbroken,andIhatedthelookthatIsawinhiseyes.I

hatedmyselfevenmoreforputtingitthere.

“Iw-wantedtotellyou.Iwantedtotellyouahundredtimes...”Myvoicecrackedonasob.

Heplacedablanketaroundmyshoulders.ButIknewIcouldn’treadtoomuchintohistenderness;it

wasonlyhistrainingkickingin.

“Thenwhydidn’tyou?”Hestoodbeforeme,hisfistsclenchedathissides,aveinthrobbinginhis

neck.

“BecauseIcouldn’t.WouldyoureallyhavebeenokaywithmetellingyouIwasJerryBarton’s

daughter?”

Helookeddownatthefloor.

“Ididn’tthinkso.”Iswallowed.“Andevenwithouttheromanticconnectionwehad,ifI’dtoldyou

thatIwasintrouble,toldyoueverythinglikeIwantedtothatfirstnight...thefirstphonecallyouwould

havemadewouldhavebeentomydad.”

“DamnrightIwouldhave.Itwouldhavebeenthesmartestthingtodotokeepyousafe.”Hestalked

closer.“Doyouknowwhatthosemencouldhavedonetoyou?Doyouhaveanyideahowbadthiscould

havebeenforyou?”

Ishuddered.“Iknow.”

“Sohowaboutyoutryexplainingthistomeagain.Whatinthefuckwasgoingoninsidethatpretty

headofyours?”

“ThatIwastiredofbeingmyfather’sprisoner.Iwastwenty-three,andbarelyallowedtodate.

EspeciallynotTroy.DadhatedTroy.Neverwantedhiminmylife.Hekeptsaying,‘Icantellthatboy’sa

badegg,younglady,markmywords.’Ofcourse,beingforbiddenjustmademeruntoTroyfaster.”

Iletoutashort,bitterchuckle.“AndthenitturnedoutDad’shuncheswererightallalong.I

discoveredTroy’ssecret.Hewasdeepintosomecrazyshit.ButifI’dadmittedthattoDad,thatwould

havebeentheendofit.Iprobablywouldn’thavebeenallowedtodateordoprettymuchanythinguntilI

wasthirty-five.TherewasnowayIwasgoingtoletthathappen.”

“Youweregoingtofixthingswithyourowntwohands,”Nolansaid.Wasthatahintofrespectinhis

voice?

“Yes.”Inoddedfervently.IfIcouldjustmakehimunderstand...

“AndIwasyourbackupplan.”

Mymouthdriedup.“Onlyatfirst.Youbecamesomuchmorethanthat.OnceIgottoknowyou...”

“Wasitallfake?”heasked,histonesoftandsad.

“No,Nolan.Ofcoursenot.”

“Stayput,”hemuttered.

Turningawayfromme,hestalkedintothebathroomattheendofthehall.Iheardcabinetsopenand

jarsclinkingaround.Iwonderedifhishandswereshakingasbadlyasminewere.

Thetearsswimminginmyeyesthreatenedtofall.Ineededtoholdittogetherlongenoughtomake

himunderstandwhathemeanttome.Tomakehimseethatthiswasreal.Iprayedfortherightwordsto

come.

Secondslater,hereturnedcarryingafirstaidkit.Hestoppedinthekitchentogrababottleofwater

andasleeveofcrackersfromthecupboardbeforestompingbackintothelivingroom.Hetossed

everythingontothecouchcushionbesideme.

“Eat.Drink,”hecommanded,hisvoicerough.

“Nolan,pleasetalktome.I’msorry.I’msovery,verysorry.”

Heblewoutafrustratedbreathandgrabbedthewaterbottletounscrewthecap.“Drink,”hesaid

again,thrustingitatme.

Tryingtopleasehim,Itookasmallsip.Myparchedthroatthankedme,andItookalongerswig.

“Didtheytouchyou?”

Hisvoicehadsoftened.Asmadashewas,hestillcared.OfthatIwascertain.Myheartsqueezedin

mychest.

Ihandedhimbackthewater.“No,notlikethat.Theywererough,shovedmearound,butI’mokay.”

ThosetwoidiotswerepartofTroy’soldcrew.IhadnoideawhytheythoughtI’dhavehismoneyor

drugssinceIwasneverinvolvedinanyofit,butthathadn’tstoppedthemfromtakingmeanddemanding

toknowwherehisstashwas.Myfingerswenttothebumpatthebackofmyheadagain.Itwasstill

throbbing.

“Letmesee,”Nolansaid,droppingdowntokneelbeforeme.Tenderly,heliftedthehairofftheback

ofmyneck,andfeltthehardknotwithcarefulfingertips.“Letmetendtothis.”Heopenedthefirstaidkit

thatsatbesidemeandbeganremovingitems.Gauze.Antiseptic.

“CanItakeashowerfirst?”Iwasdesperatetogetthestinkofthathouseandthosemenoffmyskin.

“Willyoubeokayaloneinthere?”Hestudiedmewithsharpeyes.

Washeofferingtohelpmeshower?No,he’dprobablyaskDaniellatodoit—athoughtIcouldn’t

stomach.

“Yes,I’llbefine.”

Henoddedonce.“Therearetowelsunderthecabinet.Leavethedoorunlockedincaseyouneed

anything.”Incaseyoucollapse,Isuspectedhemeant.

“Okay.”Iroseonshakylegsandstartedtowardthebathroom.

“Lacey?”hecalledoutfromthelivingroom,wherehestillkneltonthefloor.

“Yes?”

“Whenyou’redoneinthere,weneedtotalk.”Histoneleftnoroomfornegotiation.

Inodded,mythroattightening.“Justsoyouknow,Iwasgoingtotellyoueverything.Iwantedyouto

comeoversowecouldnotonlytalkaboutourrelationship,butsothatIcouldtellyouthetruthaboutmy

past,whomydadwas,everything.”

HemadeagruntedsoundthatIcouldn’tdistinguish.

Walkingslowlyandcarefully,IpausedatthedoortoDaniella’sroomonmyway.EverythingI’dseen

inthisroomthatnightcamerushingback.Hernakedbodyshakingwithneed.Theredweltspainted

acrossherskin.TheprimallookinNolan’seyes.

Blinkingawaythememory,Irealizedthatherroomwasdevoidofallpersonaleffects.Thedresser

anddeskwerebare;themattresshadbeenstripped.Theclosetdoorswereopen,andonlyafewempty

hangersremained.

Iheardhisfootstepsbehindmeandturnedtofacehim,confused.

“What’sgoingonhere?”Theplacewasdeserted,asifherintrusionintomylifehadneverhappened

atall.Butofcourse,myheartstillknewitdid.“Where’sDaniella?”Iasked.

“Youowemesomeanswersbeforewediscussanything.”Hisvoicewasaroughgrowlandhisfists

werestillclenchedathissides.HelookedbrokenandsadlikeI’dneverseenhim.Feartightenedinmy

gut,evenworsethanwhenthatmanfirstgrabbedme.

Nolanwasright,ofcourse.Iowedhimthetruth.Nottomentiontheworld’sbiggestapology.

Tearsspilledfrommyeyes.Icouldn’tcontrolthemanymorethanIcouldcontroltherushofwords

fallingfrommymouth.

“WhenImetyouthatnight,Iactedlikeitwasallbychance.Asingletwenty-somethingwomannew

intownandenjoyingadrinkatthelocalbar.Thatcouldn’thavebeenfurtherfromthetruth.”

Ihungmyhead,myeyestrainedonthefloorathisfeetasIspoke.“Everythingaboutrunningintoyou

thatnighthadbeencalculated.IalreadyknewIcouldrelyonyou,becausemyfatherhadtoldmesomeof

themomentsthathaddefinedyourlife...private,painfulthings.Butyoudidn’tknowanythingaboutme.

That’swhatmademyplanperfect.Itwouldneverhaveworkedifyou’drecognizedme.Youjust

would’vesentmebacktoOklahomaCity,orworse,calledmyfather.”

“Thiswasn’tsomefuckinggame,Lacey.Yourlifewasindanger.”Thelowgrowlvibratinginhis

throatsentmypulseskittering.

“Ofcourseitwasn’tagame.Itwasmylife,myfreedom.Weallhavethingsinourpastwe’renot

proudof.MaybeIwastoobull-headed;maybeitwasfoolishtothinkIcouldoutrunmymistakes.Butyou

don’tknowwhatmylifewaslikebefore.Myfathercanbe...”Tearsslippedfrommyeyes,andItooka

momenttocomposemyself.

MyonlyformofrebellionhadbeendatingTroy.WhenI’ddiscoveredhewasrunningahigh-profile

executivedrugring,I’ddumpedhimandmovedout.Butthentwoofhis“friends”raidedmynew

apartment,lookingforthemoneyheowedthem—oranythingtheycouldpawntomakeupthedifference.

Myexwasinsomebigtroublethatwasn’tlikelytoblowoveranytimesoon.

ButsinceDadhadneverapprovedofhimanyway,Iwasn’tabouttogorunningtohimforhelp.What

Ineededwasado-over,farawayfromOklahomaCity,andagoodguyonmyside,especiallywhenI

heardonthenewsthatTroyhadbeenfounddead.AndaccordingtoDad’sstories,therewasnobetter

manthanNolan.

Itoldhimeverything,startingwiththenightwe’dfirstmetatthebar.God,I’dbeensoscared,sosure

he’dseerightthroughme.Everydetailofourtimetogetherrushedbackwithresoundingclarity.

“Imighthavecomehereforacalculatedreason,”Ifinished,“buttrustmewhenIsay...that

changed.ThewayIfeelaboutyouisreal.”

Hisface,hiskiss,hisgeneroussoul,evenhismaimedheart—everythingaboutNolanmademyskin

tingleandmyheartrace.Noneofthathadbeenfake.

Hegaveadisparaginggrunt.“HowdoIknowyou’retellingthetruthrightnow?”

Buthewasstilllistening,soIkeptrattlingon.“IfiguredthatifIcouldbefriendyou,winyourtrust,I

couldcallonyouincasemytroublefollowedmetoTexas.Iknewyourinstinctsandtrainingwouldkick

in.Youwouldn’tletanythinghappentothevulnerablesinglewomanyou’dbefriended.”

Hegrunted,acknowledgingthatwasprobablytrue.

“I’msorry...sosorry,foreverything.”Isobbed,repeatingthewordsoverandoveragain.

Nolandidn’tsayanything.Hejuststoodthere,listening,watchingme.

“Goshower,”hefinallysaid.“I’msureyou’reexhausted.We’lltalkmoreinthemorning.”

Hewasright;Iwasexhausted,eveniftheclockonthewallonlyreadeighto’clock.ButasbadlyasI

wantedsleep,IneededtoknowwhereIstoodwithhim.Wherewestood.

“Whydidn’tyoueversleepwithme?”Iwipedthetearsfrommycheeks,myeyespleadingwithhis

foranswersofmyown.

Confusiondrewalinebetweenhisdarkbrows.“Whatdoyoumean?”

“Daniellasaidthatifyouhadn’tsleptwithmeyet,itmeantyouhadrealfeelingsforme.”Please,

God,letitbetrue.

“Danielladoesn’t...,”hestartedtoargue,thenstopped.Histeethsankintohislowerlipandhis

torturedgazemetmine.“Itneverseemedright.Youweren’tthekindofgirlIwasusedto.Icouldn’t

imagineusingyouthatway...holdingyoudown...fuckingyouharduntilyouscreamed.Isthatwhat

youwanted?”

Myheartthumpinginmychest,Isteppedcloser.“Youwon’tbreakme,Nolan.”

Hischincuttothesideashestudiedme,notmissingathing.Mydilatedpupils,mynipplesforming

hardpointsinmybra.

“Thisisn’tgoingtoendwell,”hesaid.

“Youdon’tknowthat.”Myvoicewasfirm,drawingonaninnerstrengthIdidn’tknowIhad.

“Goshower,”hecommandedagain.

Ballingmyfistsatmysides,IstoodastallasIcould.“Ineededprotection.Fallinginlovewithyou

wasneverpartoftheplan.”

IcouldhaveswornIsawaflashofemotioninhiseyes.Sympathy?Relief?Iwasn’tsure,becauseas

quicklyasithadappeared,he’dblinkedanditwasgone.Replacedbythatvacantmaskhesooftenwore.

BeforeIbrokedownintearsagain,Ihurriedintothebathroomandundressed.ThenIstoodunderthe

steaminghotwaterandcriedmyselfsick.

I’dfalleninlovewithNolan...justasI’dmadesurethathewouldneverbeabletolovemeback.

ChapterTwenty-Two

Nolan

Iwatchedthebathroomdoorswingshut.AssoonasIheardLaceyturnontheshower,Istompedintothe

kitchenandpouredmyselfashotofwhiskey.Iwantedtopunchthewalluntilmyknucklesbled...or

maybejustsleepforaweek.Butfornow,astiffdrinkwouldhavetodo.WithLaceysafeandtemporarily

occupied,Ifinallyhadtimetoprocesseverythingthathadhappenedtonight.Allthesecretsthathadcome

tolight.

Itwasinthesilenceofmykitchenthateverythingcrashedaroundme.IwasinlovewithLacey.I

couldn’tfightordenythefeelingssoaringthroughme.YetthewomanIlovedhadusedme.

Whyhadn’tshejusttoldmeshewasintrouble?Ifshehadbeenhonestwithmeupfront—likeI’d

beenwithher—Iprobablywouldhavehelpedherout.Butshehadn’tevengivenmethechancetodecide.

Wehaddatedforweeks,growingcloserbytheday,andshesomehowneverfoundagoodtimetoairout

herpast?Oh,bytheway,Iforgottomentionmyexranadrugringandnowhisgoonsaretailingme,

andmyoverbearingfatherisyourboss.

Clearlyshedidn’tgiveaflyingfuckaboutwhatIwanted.Herhalf-bakedplanwasmoreimportant

thanmyrighttomakemyownchoices.

Exceptthatwasn’tquitetrue,wasit?Maybeshehadn’tcaredwhenshemetme,butherapologyjust

nowhadseemedsincere.Shehadn’tshiedawayfromtheuglytruth,hadn’ttriedtodownplayor

rationalizehermistakes.Icouldtellhowdeeplysorryshewas.

Andthenshe’dsaid...

Iknockedbacktherestofmyshotandpouredanother.

Shewasinlovewithme.Andthemostfucked-upthingofall?Ibelievedher.Icouldfeelthatshe

wastellingthetruth.Ifshereallydidn’tcareaboutme,shewouldhaveeitherabandonedmeortriedto

guilt-tripmeintostayingherboyfriend.Instead,shehadlookedmeintheeyeandaskedmewhatshe

shoulddonext.Givingmethisnewchoicecouldn’tmakeupforallthechoicesshe’dstolenfromme,but

itwasstillapeaceoffering.AnattempttoshowthatsheunderstoodhowIfelt.

IcouldtellLaceythatIneverwantedtoseeheragain.Hell,Icouldprobablytellhertoleavetown

bysunrise.It’salluptoyou,herremorsefulblueeyeshadsaid.Whateveryouneed.

NomatterhowpissedIfelt,nomatterhowbadlyLaceywantedatonement,therewasonetiethat

couldn’tbebroken:Ilovedherback.ShehadmademefeelthingsIneverthoughtpossible.Shehad

shownmesomuch.Mademewanttorisksomuch.

Everyrelationshipwasflawedsomehow.Nobodywasperfect,andputtingtwoimperfectpeople

togetherwouldn’tmagicallyfixthem.

Icouldn’tdenythatIstillwantedherinmylife.AndwhileIhadn’tliedtoLacey,Ihadactedpretty

fuckingchildish—clingingtoDaniella,desperatelytryingtoignoremygrowingfeelings,unwillingtoface

anythingthatmightshakeupmylife.CouldIreallybringmyselftoleaveLaceyjustwhenI’dfinally

workedupthecouragetocommittoher?

Thefalloutfromherlieshadbeenbad,noquestion,butitdidn’tnecessarilyhavetoendour

relationship.Itwasn’tsomethingwecouldn’tovercome.ProvidedthatLaceywasseriousaboutearning

backmytrust,anditreallyseemedlikeshewas...

Iwantedtogiveheranotherchance.

Immediatelyaweightliftedoffmyshoulders.Thiswastherightdecision;Icouldfeelit.AlthoughI

wasprettysureherfatherwasgoingtofreakout.Speakingofwhich,Iowedhimaphonecall.About

thirtyminutesago.

Fuck.

Bartonansweredonthesecondring.“Status?”

“Thetakedownwasasuccess.Yourdaughterissafe.”Iheardanoisethatmighthavebeenatired

sighofrelief.“She’sherewithmeforthenightinmyhome.Andthepoliceshouldapprehendthe

kidnapperssoon,iftheyhaven’tdonesoalready.”

“Excellentwork,Maxwell.I’llexpectafulldebriefingtomorrowmorning.”

BeforeBartoncouldhangup,Iinterrupted.“There’ssomethingelse,sir.”Thehonorificslippedout,

butIdidn’tcorrectmyself;Ineededalltheass-kissingIcouldmusterforthisnextpart.“I,um,didn’t

knowthatLaceywasyourdaughter.Imean,Ididn’tknowLaceyandLuckywerethesameperson.”As

soonasthewordscameoutofmymouth,IrealizedhowasinineIsounded.

EvidentlyBartonagreed.“Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?Lucky’shernickname.”

“Well,itturnsout,wekindof...”

Irubbedmyforehead,whichwasstartingtogetdamp.Thismanwaswell-armed,well-connected,

andknewhowtousehigh-poweredrifleswithdeadlyprecision.

Fuck,I’dratherbebackatthedrughousegettingknifedinthegut.

“Wehaveahistory,”Ifinallybitout.

Amomentofsilence.IsworeIcouldfeeltheairtemperaturedrop.

ThenBartonrepliedstiffly,“I’mlistening.”

Ohshit.IhadamaximumoftensecondstoexplainmyselfbeforeIwasasgoodasdead.“Imetherin

alocalbaraboutamonthago.ShecalledherselfLacey,soIdidn’tknowshewasyourdaughter.Andwe

became...close.Romantically.”Ialmostchokedonthatlastword.

“Whyareyoutellingmethis?Ifailtoseeitsrelevancetoyourassignment.”

Itookadeepbreathandsteeledmyself.“It’snotrelevant,sir.ButnowthatIknowshe’syour

daughter,Iwantedtoaskyourblessingtodateher.”

Therewasanothermomentofsilence.Thisone,though,Icouldn’treadatall.

AndthenBartonlaughed.Itwasonlyachuckle,ashort,gravellyhuff,butitwasstillthemost

laughterI’deverheardfromhim.“It’snotmypermissionyouneed,son.Although,forwhatit’sworth,I

thinkmydaughtercoulddomuchworsethanyou.”

BeforeIcouldthinkofaresponse,hehungup.

Istaredstupidlyatthephoneinmyhand.Shecoulddoworse,huh?ComingfromBarton,thatwas

prettyhighpraise.Thenagain,Troythedeaddruggiewasn’texactlyahighbartoclear.

“Didyoureallymeanthat?”

Istartledandturnedaround.Laceystoodattheentrancetothekitchen,blinkingatme,thetentative

beginningsofasmileonherlips.Shewaswearingmythinplaidbathrobe;ithungonhersmallframe,

showinghercreamycollarbonesandtheslightestswellofcleavage.Herwethair,sodarkitlooked

black,clungintendrilsonherneckandshoulders.Hercheekswereflushedfromthehotwater.Hereyes

werehuge,makingherlookvulnerable,andIhadtotearmygazeawaybeforeIkissedher.

“Yeah,Imeantit,”Imuttered.

Shefiddledwiththerobe’ssash,fightinghergrin.“So...youstillwanttobemy...”

Sighing,Inodded.HerfacelitupandIhurriedtoadd,“ButIdon’tknowifIknowhow.With

Daniella,Inever...weneverdealtinfeelings.”Oratleast,notthedepthofemotionIhadsuddenly

foundmyselfdrowningin.

“Wecanlearnhowtodothistogether.IknowIhavealotofgroundtomakeupfor.Ishouldhavetold

youeverythingfromthestart;Iknowthatnow.”

Inodded.“Igetthatyouhadyourreasonsforconcealingthetruth.Peopledostrangethingswhenthey

feelthreatened.Andbesides,youtoldmeinthebeginningyouwererunningfromsomething.Ichosenot

topressyou.Maybe,unconsciously...Iwantedtostayinblissfulignorance.Blindmyselftoanything

thatcouldhavegotteninthewayofus.”

“Us.Justus?SoDaniella’sgone?”Laceyturnedherheadtowardtheemptybedroomattheendofthe

hall.

“She’sreallygone.”

“Areyou...okaywiththat?”Shechewedonherlowerlip,waitingformetorespond.

“Yes.Iheldontoherfortoolong.Ithoughtatfirstitwasbecausesheneededme,butinastrange

way,IguessIneededhertoo.Itwastime.”

Laceynodded.“Iunderstand.Youwerescared.”

Ididn’tdenyheraccusation.AbigbadassSEALshouldn’tbescaredofanything.Butlove?Yeah,that

scaredtheshitoutofme.

“I’mnotusedtobeingsomeone’sboyfriend.There’sagoodchanceI’llfuckthisup.”Betterthatshe

knowthatnow.

Acrookedsmilegracedherlips.“You’reprobablybetteratitthanyouthink.”Laceyponderedfora

moment.“What’syourfirstinstinctrightnow?”

“Tomakesureyou’reokay,”Isaidimmediately.Andbeattheever-lovingfuckoutofthosemenwho

touchedyou.

“That’sperfect.”Withagentlesmile,shesteppedintothekitchen.“I’malittleshakenup,butnothing

serious.Whatwouldyournextinstinctbe?”

Ilickedmylips.Icouldsmellthefaintestwhiffofsomethingfamiliar;Laceymusthaveusedmy

shampoo.Shewaswearingmyclothesandmyscent.Allthehesitant,confusedvoicesinmyhead

suddenlywentquiet,lettingmehearwhatIreallywanted.

Smilingbackather,Iloweredmyvoicetoawhisper.“Totakeyoutobedandnotletyououtuntil

morning.”

Mywomansteppedforwardagain,socloseIcouldfeelherwarmth.“That’sperfecttoo.”

ShesqueakedwithsurprisewhenIsweptherupintomyarms.Leavingmydoubtsbehindalongwith

mywhiskeyglass,IcarriedLaceydownthehalltomybedroom,wherewehadneverbeentogether.This

wasourchancetostartover.Toemptyusbothofallourmistakes,allourmomentsoffoolishweakness,

andrefilleachotherwithourdevotion.

ForaminuteafterIlaidheronthebed,Ijuststaredather,enraptured.Therobehadfallenopenand

shelayproppeduponherelbows,shapelylegsoutstretched.ShelookedlikeaRenaissancepaintingof

Aphrodite,allalabastercurvesandwideeyesandluxuriousdarktresses.Delicate,soft...andhungry.

Theshynessinhersmilehadbeenovercomebydesire.

Nomanalivecouldignorethatinvitation.

Joiningheronthebed,Ipulledherintoadeep,fierykiss.Myhandspushedunderherrobetoexplore

thenaked,dampbodybeneath.Ineededtotoucheverypartofher,makesureshereallywasokay,thatshe

wasn’tsomemirage.Myfingerstraileddownherback,alongthetenderdipwhereherspinelayhidden,

andslidoverthecurveofherass.Shesighedandopenedhermouthtome,brushingmytonguewithhers.

Irockedmyhips,lettingherfeelhowhardIwasalready,andsherewardedmewithahuskymurmur.

Ilickedandbitatherneck—justunderherear,inthecrookofhershoulder,allthespotsI’dlearnedto

makehersquirm.

Shemewledsoftlyandclutchedatmywaistwithonehand,rumplingthebackofmyshirt.Ipulled

backjustenoughtoripitoff,thenpressedmybarechestagainstheragain,revelinginthefeelofher

velvetyskinandripebreasts.

Whenshereacheddowntounzipmyjeans,mybreathcaught.Igroanedwhenshegrippedmyaching

cockthroughmyboxers.Shemoanedintomymouth.Wewereflattenedagainsteachothersotightlythat

thebackofherhandrubbedherownclitasshestrokedme.

Iwantedtofeelmore,wantedusevencloser,asentwinedastwobodiescouldget.Ineededtolose

myselfinher.Myheadspunwithhertouch,butIstillstarvedformore—tornbetweenthedesireto

devourherandthedesiretogoslow,tosavoreveryinchofherbodyandeverysweetnoiseofpleasure.

“Lacey.”Ibreathedhernameintoherear,hotandhusky.“Ineedyou.”Foronceinmylife,Iwasn’t

afraidtoadmitit.“Areyousureyou’reokay?”

Allshecouldmanagewasamurmuredsoundofagreement.ButIhadtohearhersayit;therewasno

goingbackfromthis.“Tellmewithyourwords.Areyoureadyforthis?”

Bitingherlip,shenodded.“Yes,please.Iwanttofeelyouinsideme.”

Iknewfrompersonalexperiencethattraumaticevents,liketheoneshehadgonethroughtonight,left

youshakenandvulnerable.ButIalsoknewonesure-firewaytostopthosegrimimagesreplayinginyour

headandcalmyourfrayednerves.Sex—roughsex.Iwouldn’tdenyLaceythatpleasure.Evenifshewas

bruised,evenifshewasstillscared,Iknewthiswouldhelpquietallthat,ifonlytemporarily.

Iquicklystooduptoshedmyjeans,grabacondomfrommynightstand,androlliton.ThenIknelt

betweenherlegs,unhurried.We’dwaitedsolongforthismoment;Iwouldn’trushit.

Sheraisedherhipstomeetme,soeager.Herheatpracticallyburnedmethroughthethinlatex

barrier.

“Slow,sweetheart.”

Sheseemedtounderstand.Herhandcircledthebaseofmycock,guidingmeforwardcarefully.I

kissedherneck,herbreasts,herlipsasshebroughttheheadtoherwetopening.Icouldn’tstopmyhips

fromrockingforward,easingintoherjusttheslightestbit.

Herbreathcaughtinherthroatandshesqueezedhereyesclosed,drawingaslow,shakybreath.

“Iwantyoutowatch.Seehowprettythistightlittlecuntlookstakingme.”

Hereyesopened,andshegazeddownatwhereourbodiesjoined.Itwasaperfectsight.Twobodies,

dampwithperspiration,herslickpinkfoldsinvitinglypartedformythickcock.Iworkedmyselfin

anotherinch.

“Sotight...sowarm.”Igroaned,bringingmymouthtoherneckagainandsuckinghard.

“Nolan,”shecried.“More.”

Hipsthrustingforward,Islidinsideeasily.Shewassowetforme,sohotandwelcoming,thatI

groanedaloud.“Fuck,sweetheart...”

Shewrithed,tryingtotakemedeeper,andIobligedher.Soonmycockhadbottomedout.Ilocked

eyeswithLaceyasIpulledout,thenslowlypushedbackinsideagain,watchingtomakesureIwouldn’t

hurther.

Butshewasmorethanready.“Stopteasingme,”shegasped.Shewasflushedallthewayfromher

cheekstohercollarbone.

Ithrewasidemycarefulcontrolandthrustinhard.Shekeenedandbuckeduptomeetme.Bingo.I

grippedherhipsandstartedpumpinginearnest,makingsuretohitthatsamemagicspoteachtime.

Iburiedmyfacebackintothecrookofherneck,mutteringhernamelikeworshipagainstherskin.I

couldn’tcommunicatehowIfeltabouther;thiswasbiggerthanwords,biggerthananything,andIhad

neverreallylearnedhowtosharemyfeelingsanyway.Ididn’tevenknowwheretostart.AllIcoulddo

wasshowher.

Fortonight,thispleasurewasenough.Wewouldwriteourloveintoeachother’sbodies,whereit

couldn’tbemisunderstood.

Ipulledherlegsupovermyshouldersandshemoanedatthenew,deeperangle—thenwhimpered

whenIrubbedherclitwiththeheelofmyhand.AsmuchasIwantedtostayclose,Iwantedtomake

Laceycomeevenmore,whichrequiredalittlemaneuveringroom.

Hercalvestrembledovermyshouldersandherfingersdugintothesheets.Shewasdefinitelygetting

close.

“Comeforme,baby,”Ipanted.“Please,letmeseeyou.”HerpussyflutteredinanticipationandI

grittedmyteeth,willingmycocktoholdoffjustalittlelonger.

ShestaredupatmeasifIwasherwholeworld.Asifshewastryingtotellmethatwefeltexactly

thesamewayabouteachother.Thenhersapphireeyesslidshut.Mynamefellfromherlipsindesperate

littlemurmurs.Hercrieskeenedhigher,higher,untilallhermuscleslockedaroundmeandshesobbed

withpleasure.

“That’sit,baby,”Iencouragedassheclutchedatme,herwholebodyshaking.

ThesightofLaceyunravelingpushedmeovertheedge.Withadeepgroan,Iletmyselffallhard,my

cockthrobbinginlong,sweetjoltsofrelease.

WhenIcouldbringmyselftolethergo,Ithrewawaythecondom.ThenIspoonedbehindher,

nestlingmynoseinherstill-damphairandpullingherbackagainstmychest.Myarmfitperfectlyintothe

dipofherwaist.Icouldfeelherheartbeatingjustinchesawayfrommine.

Soonherbreathingslowedintoalow,soothingrhythm.Ihadnevermadelovebefore;Ihadnever

sleptwithawomaninmyarms.ItwasthedeepestpeaceI’dfeltinalongtime.

ChapterTwenty-Three

Lacey

Iwokeupsweatingandblinkedopenoneeye.Iwashot,waytoohot,andIsoonfoundoutwhy.Draped

acrossonesideofmybodywasNolan’sheavyarm.Suttonwassnuggleduponmyotherside.

“Letmeup.”IshovedagainstNolan’sproneform.

Hegrumbledsomethingandscrubbedahandacrosshisface.

“Youokay,baby?”Hisvoicewashuskywithsleep.

“Yes.Ihavetopee,”Iannounced,climbingoverhimtotheendofthebed.

IheardhimchuckleandthecoversrustleasIpadded,naked,intothebathroom.

Thetileswerecoldonmybarefeetandthelightoverheadtoobright.Glancingupintothemirror

abovethesink,Isawthatmyhairwasacrazymessfromsleepingonitdamp,butotherwise,Ilooked

fine.Therewasafaintbruiseonmyhip,andapinkmarkontheinsideofmywristwheretheziptiehad

cutintotheskin.

Afterrelievingmyself,Iwashedmyhandsandsplashedcoolwateronmyface,thenheadedbackto

bed.

WhenIreturnedtothebedroom,IexpectedtofindasleepingNolanandSuttonstillcurleduponthe

mattress.Butthebedwasempty,andtheyweregone.IcouldhearNolantalkingonthephoneintheother

room.ItsoundedlikehewastalkingtoGreyson...aboutlastnight.

“Sothey’relockedupawaitingtrial?Nobond?”Nolanasked,andthenlistenedintently.“Great

news,brother.”Heseemedpleasedbywhatheheard.

Icouldonlyimaginewhatkindofstringsmydadhadpulled;thoseguyswhotookmewouldn’tsee

thelightofdayforyearstocome.Decades,ifIknewmyfather’sreachandtenacity.

Ipulledbackthecoversandcrawledintobed.Nolan’sspotwasstillwarmandIsmiled,closingmy

eyes.

Thescentofcoffeebrewinginthekitchenwaftedintothebedroom.Secondslater,Nolanwasback.

“Youfeelingokay?”heasked,sittingdownbesideme.

“Yeah.It’sonlysix,though.You’renotupatthistimeofdayforthefunofit,areyou?”

Hechuckledashestrokedmyhair,gazingdownatmewhereIrestedonhispillow.

“Lord,don’teventellme,”Igrumbled.

“What?”Hepracticallyhummedtheword,hewassochipper.

“Thatyou’reamorningperson?”

Hechuckledagain.“You’renot?”

Ifrownedathim.Notevenalittlebit.

Heshrugged,hismouthstilltuggedupinagrin.“WhatcanIsay?Sixyearsinthemilitarywilldo

thattoyou.Mostdays,Iwasupatfourinthemorning.Nowsleepingintillsixfeelslikealuxury.”

Imadeanoiseofdisagreement.Hisbedwastoosoft,andIfeltsafe.MorecomfortablethanI’dfelt

inalongtime.

“Comeon,Ihaveyouhereinmyhouse.Wehavethewholedaytoourselves.Youreallywantto

sleep?”

“Yes.”Ituggedtheblanketsuptomychinandclosedmyeyes.

Nolanlaughed.“Fine,thenIwon’ttellyouwhatyourfathersaidlastnight.”

Iopenedmyeyes.Shit.MydadwasNolan’sboss,andIcouldonlyimaginewhathadbeensaid.

IwassureDadandBrynnhadbeenblowingupmyphone,butsinceitwaslikelystillsittingonthe

counterinmyapartment,Nolanhadletmeusehisphonelastnighttocheckinwiththem.

I’dpromisedthatIwasaliveandinonepiece.Brynnwasanuncharacteristicemotionalmessand

wantedtoflydowntoTexasandseemewithherowneyes,butmidtermswerecomingupandIwouldn’t

letherdothat.

Therewasnostoppingmydad,however;he’dbearrivingtomorrow.Iwascurioushowhe’d

respondtoNolaninmylife.Itwouldbeinteresting,tosaytheleast...twoalphamales,bothprotective

andunwaveringintheirworryforme.

“Fine,I’mup.Nowtellme.”

Nolansmiled.“Heactuallyseemedokaywithusdating.Saidyoucoulddoworse.”

“OfcourseIcould.You’requiteacatch.”Igrinnedathim.

“Asareyou,sweetheart.”

Wewerequietforseveralmoments.Nolancontinuedstrokinghisfingersthroughmyhairwhilehe

watchedme.Isensedhewasn’tgoingtoletmeoutofhissightforawhile,whichwasfinewithme.Ihad

thenexttwodaysofffromwork,andwouldn’tmindstayingrighthereinhiswarmbedtheentiretime.

Realizinghowquicklythingshadchangedbetweenus,IsuddenlythoughtofDaniella.

“Isshegoingtobeokay?”

Ididn’thavetosayhername.Therewasanunspokenawarenessthatshewasstillapieceofour

puzzle.Atleastfornow.

Henodded.“Sheandhersisteraregettingaplacetogether.She’llbefine.She’sstrongerthanIgave

hercreditfor.Ijustwanttofocusonyou,though.You’vebeenthroughalot,baby.”

“Iknow.AndI’veneverfeltsafer.Beingherewithyou,knowingthatyou’llprotectmeatallcosts

...”

“DamnrightIwill.You’remywomannow.”

Icouldn’thelpthesmirktuggingonmylips.Themanwhowassodeathlyafraidofcommitmentwas

nowopenlyprofessinghislove.Well,almostanyway;wehadn’tquitegottentothosethreelittlewords

yet.ButIknewhewasawarehowIfeltabouthimafterwhatI’dsaidlastnight.God,lastnightalready

seemedsofaraway.

“So,whatarewegoingtodotoday?”Iasked.LordknewIdidn’tparticularlywanttobeupatthis

ungodlyhour.

“Wehavealotoflostgroundtomakeupfor.Realdates.Iwanttotakeyoutodinner,tomeetmy

mom.MaybewecanvisittheranchwhereIgrewup...”

“Whoa.Slowdownthere.”Ipattedhischest.“Iwasthinkingmorelikesex,ashower,andcoffee.In

thatorder.”

Aslowsmileuncurledonhismouth.Andthenhepounced.Bringinghishandstomyjaw,Nolan

pulledmeinforatenderkiss,hisbodymovingovermine.Helaydownbesidemeanddrewmeintohis

arms.Thewarmexpanseofhisbarechestagainstminefeltlikeperfection.

Ipushedmyhandsinsidehisshortsandfoundhimalreadyhot,hard,andreadyinmypalm.

“You’reminenow.Youunderstandthat,right?”hegrunted.

“Aslongasyouunderstandyou’remine.”Igavehimalittlesqueeze.

Amasculinepurrrumbledinhisthroat.“Damnstraight,baby.”Hekissedmepassionately,asifhis

lipsandtonguewerecommunicatingwhatwordscouldnot.Hishotmouthdominatedmine,possessive

andhungry.“God,ifanythinghadhappenedtoyou...”

“I’mhere.I’myours.”

“Mine.”

Hegruntedagainasmyhandcontinuedleisurelystrokingupanddownhisgenerouslength.Onehand

grippedmyhipastheothercurledbetweenmythighs,lightlyteasing,rubbing.BeforeIcouldgettotally

lostinthesensation,Iheardaslightwheeze.

IshotaglanceovertoSutton,whosatperchedattheendofthebed.“Ishegoingtowatchus?”

“Isthataproblem?”Nolansmirked.

Anelbowtohisribssaidyes,itis.Iwasananimallovertoo,butsheesh,thiswasridiculous.

Withasigh,NolangotupandshooedSuttonoutoftheroom.“Outyougo,buddy.”Thenheshutthe

doorandreturnedtowhereIwaswaiting,naked,onthebed.

Hisbodywasminetoexplorenow,andIcuppedhissmoothballswithonehandandstrokedhis

heavycockwiththeother,lovinghislittlegruntsofpleasure,thosemalesoundsofappreciationrisingin

Nolan’sthroat.

“Damn,sweetheart,yourhandsfeelreallyfuckinggood,”hesaidonagroan.

Iwassohappywe’dwaitedtomakeloveuntilallthesecretsbetweenushadbeenairedand

Daniellawasoutofhislife.Itfeltbigger,moreimportant,morespecialnowthanifwe’dgivenintoour

desiresbefore.Now,weweren’tjustsurrenderingtoourbodies,butmakingaconsciousefforttochoose

eachother,tobetogether.

Easingonefingerintome,Nolanbeganpushingmetowardorgasmalmostimmediately.

“Makelovetome,”Imurmured.

Withafinalkissonmylips,hereachedovertohisnightstandforacondom.

“I’mcleanandI’monthepill,”Iblurted.

Iwasn’tevensurewhyI’dsaidit.IguessbecauseIdidn’twantanythingbetweenus,andbecauseI

wascuriousabouthisstatustoo...andwhetherhe’dusedthemwithher.

“I’veneverbeeninsideawomanwithoutone.Areyousure?”heasked.

ItwaseverythingIwantedtohear.Wecouldsharesomethingnewtogether.

“Very,”Isaid,myvoicegrowinghuskywithdesire.

“Damn,sweetheart.”Hegroanedagain.

AndthenNolan’slipswereonmineandhishandswereinmyhair,andhiscockwaspushinginside

mesohotandhardthatIlostmyselftotheblindingpleasure.

Skintoskin.Hearttoheart.

•••

IspentthenexttwodaysinNolan’sbed.HefedmecomfortfooduntilIwassureI’dgainedfivepounds,

tendedtomybruisesastheyfaded,andmadesureIwassafe,happy,andcomfortable.

Mydadhadflowninforabrieftwenty-four-hourstay.Hewasbusywithwork,butheneededtosee

mewithhisowneyes,hugme,andmakesureIwasreallyokay.AndasworriedasNolanhadbeenabout

datinghisboss’sdaughter,Dadmadeitcrystalclearthathesupportedus,shakingNolan’shandand

tellinghimtotakegoodcareofme.ItwasdueinlargeparttowhatanadmirablemanNolanwas—my

dadseemedtoidolizehim—butalsobecauseofmypoorchoicesinpastboyfriends.Nolanwasagood

man,andtherewasnoarguingthat.

We’dalsogoneovereverydetailofmyordeal.MydadandNolanlistenedwhileIcoveredmy

experiencewiththekidnappers,recountingeverythingIcouldremember.AsIspoke,Nolantypeditall

intohislaptop.HewantedtomakesureIhaditalldownclearlyandwouldn’tforgetcrucialdetailsfor

mytestimony,sincethetrialwouldn’tbeforalongtime.Thenwewentandgavemystatementtothe

policetoo,soitwasallonofficialrecord.

Mydadalsoseemedtoeaseupalittle—lettinggoofthereinsandunderstandingthatthiswasmylife

now.ItoldhimIwasstayinginTexas,andhe’dmerelynodded.

AndnowDadwasgone,andNolanandIbothhadtoreturntoworkinthemorning,andbackto

reality.Asgoodasithadbeentostayherewithhim,Ineededtogetbacktomyapartment,backintomy

life.Ididn’twanttohideinNolan’sshadow.ThatwastheentirereasonI’dcomehere—Iwantedtolive,

nottocowerinfear.

Wehadfinisheddinnerashorttimeagoandwashedthedishestogetherincomfortablesilence.But

evenwithDaniellagone,therewasstillsomethingthatwasbotheringme,andIwastryingtoworkupthe

couragetobringituptoNolan.Herabsencecouldn’terasesomeofthequestionsIstillhad.

Itwasn’tuntilweweretuckedintobedforthenightthatIfoundmycourage.Theroomwasdark,and

Suttonwassleepinginhisnewdogbedonthefloor.

“Nolan?”

“Hmm?”hemurmured,runninghisfingersthroughmyhairwhilemyheadrestedonhiswarmchest.

“Wheredoyoukeepyourtoys?”

“Toys?”

“ThethingsIsawthatnight,the...”God,whydoesbuttplughavetobesoawkwardtosay?

“Ropes,blindfolds,andtheotherstuff.”

“ThosethingsbelongedtoDaniella,andshetookthemwithher.Why?”

Heraisedhisheadfromthepillow,andIsatuptoo.Iknewhehadotherinterestsinthebedroom,and

Ididn’twanttobeshelteredfromthemanylonger.Ifweweregoingtobuildarealfuturetogether,I

didn’twanthimtemperinghistastesformysake.

“Showmewhatyoulike,”Iwhispered,wishingmywordssoundedasboldasIfeltinside.

“You’rewhatIlike,sweetheart.”Hekissedmedeeply,hishandatmyjawwhilehistonguestroked

mine.

Ipulledbackjustaninch,placingmyhandsonhisfirmchestandrubbinglightlyatthetautmuscles.

“Please.Trustmeenoughtoletmein.”

“Nottonight,angel.You’vebeenthroughtoomuch.”

Myheartstartedtopound.“There’sthiswholeothersidetoyou,andIneedtoknow.IneedtoknowI

haveallofyou.”

“Youdo,”hesaid.

“Notlikethis.Idon’twantsometame,watered-downversionofyou.Isawthelookinyoureyesthat

night.Youshouldn’thavetokeepthatNolanincheck.IneedtoknowhimifI’mgoingtobewithyou.”

Heletoutafrustratedsigh.“Youwantmetoberoughwithyou?Spankyou?Showyouallthedirty

thingsIlike?”

Myheartslamminginsidemychest,Inodded.

Hekissedmeagain,hislipssearingmine,andIsensedtherewasaninternalbattlebeingwaged

insidehim.Wantingtopushhimovertheedge,Islippedmyhandintohisboxerbriefsandgrippedhis

cock.ThenIbithisbottomlip—hard.

Nolanletoutaloudgrowlandflippedusoversothathewasonhisback,andIwassittingatophim.

“Uponyourknees,”hesaid.

Theroughnessofhisvoicesentathrillofadrenalinethroughme.Iroseuponmykneesoverhim,and

heshovedhisboxersdowntofreehimself.

“Ineedyoutounderstandonething,”hesaidashegrippedhimselfandleisurelystroked.Ishivered

ashisknucklesgrazedmyclit.“Whateverhappenedbeforeyouhasalreadybeenforgotten.You’reallI

want.AllIneed.”

Hepulledmypantiestotheside,hisfingerslightlystrokingme.

“Soakedformealready.That’smygirl.”Pullingthedampmaterialdownmylegs,hediscardedthem

attheendofthebed.

Ieaseddownoverhim,bothofusgaspingwhenheenteredme.

“Sowarm.Sosnug.Soperfect.”HegruntedasIeaseddownfurther.“ThisisallIwant.You.Me

...”HegroanedaloudasIpickedupspeed,circlingmyhipstofindthedepthandanglethatmadeusboth

cryout.“Andifwewanttoysinthebedroom,we’llpickthemouttogether.”

Myheartoverflowedwithhappiness.Ididn’tknowthosewerethewordsI’dneededtohear,buthis

answerwasperfect.Iwasenough.Together,wewereenough.

SoonIwasridinghim—well,thatwasn’treallycorrect.Iwasontop,buthegrippedmywaist,

shovingmeupanddownonhiscock,usingmeashistoy.Hismouthwaseverywhere,bitingandkissing

andnibblingonmybreastsandmyneck.

IknewtomorrowIwouldwearhismarks,andnothingcouldmakemehappier.

Epilogue

Nolan

OneYearLater

Atthepicnictablebehindthehospital,Laceytookthebrownpapersackfrommyhand.“Thanks.You’rea

lifesaver.”Shepeckedmeonthecheek.

“Noproblem,babe.”Itwasmydayoff,soI’djustbeenputteringaroundthehousewhenInoticed

thatLaceyhadforgottenherlunch.“Wantsomecompanywhileyoueat?”

“Sure,”shechirped,andwesatdownnexttoeachother.

Assheunwrappedherroastbeefsandwich,Itookafoldedpostcardoutofmypocket.Itsglossy

photoshowedastandofgoldenaspensatthefootofasnow-cappedmountainrange.

“Checkthisout.It’sfromDaniellaandDoctorDom.”LaceychewedwhileIreadthebackoutloud.

“GreetingsfromtheMile-HighCity.We’rebothverybusyatSaintMark’s,butwealwaysfindtimeto

watcheveryTexashomegame.(Don’tworry,we’llneverbeBroncosfans.)Hopeyoutwohaveahappy

Thanksgiving.”

Laceyswallowedherbite.“It’sgoodtohearDani’sdoingwell.”

Inoddedinwholeheartedagreement.Thetwowomenweren’texactlybestbuddies—mypresence

hadmadefortoomuchfrictionbetweenthem—butIknewthatLaceysometimesstillfeltguiltyabout

breakingusup.

WewerebothgladthatDaniellahadfinallyfoundhergrooveinlife.Anewcitytomakefriendsin,

andaDomwholovedherandtreatedherright.HerpartinggifthadbeenhelpingLaceygetanewjobat

thehospitalwhereshecoulduseherfinancedegree.Laceynowspentherdaysonfundraising,working

withlargedonorsandsecuringfutureinvestmentsforthenewchildren’swingofthehospital.

“Thislastyear’sbeencrazy,right?”sheasked,settingdownhersandwich.

Inoddedagain,moregrimlythistime.ThemenresponsibleforLacey’skidnappingwerecurrently

servingtwenty-fivetolife.Goodfuckingriddance.Theirdrugringcharges,ontopofarmedkidnapping

andawholelistofothershit,gotthemthemaximum.That,andJerryBartonwasoldcollegepalswiththe

judge.

“God,ifyouandGreysonhadn’tcomethatnight...”

“Wedid.Andyou’resafe.Andyou’vecalledandthankedGreysonaboutathousandtimessince

then.”

Shesighed.“Hedoesn’tcomearoundmuchanymore.”

Itwastrue.SinceI’dfalleninloveandmylifebecameapictureofhappy,domesticbliss,he’d

backedoffalittle.Istillsawhimatwork,westillwentfordrinksoccasionallyatWest’s,butheoften

declinedtocomeoverforgamedays,sayingthatIshouldspendmysparetimewithLacey.

“Grey’sevenmorefuckedupthanIwasaboutlove,”wasallIsaid.

“Geez,what’swithyoutwo?Islovereallysoscary?”

Ididn’ttellherthewholestoryabouthowandwhywelostMarcus.Greysonhadrunthatmission

andstillblamedhimselfforhisdeath.Ihadn’ttoldherbecauseitwasn’tmystorytotell.Butthat,along

withsomeothertragicevents,hadfuckedusbothupprettygood.

Laceydidn’tpryfurther,andwhenIstrokedhercheek,sheleanedintomytouch,releasingasoftsigh.

Shewassafeandwewerehappy.AndIhopedthatwithalittletime,andmaybetherightwoman,

Greysonwouldfindhishappyplacetoo.

Shereachedbackintoherbagandpaused.“Hmm?Ididn’tpackadessert,didI?”

Myhearttripped.ShehadfoundtheextracontainerI’dhiddeninherlunch.Itriedtostaycoolasshe

tookoutthelittleplasticboxandopenedit.Insidewasachocolatecupcakefromherfavoritebakery—

toppedwithaglitteringdiamondring.

Laceystaredattheringblanklyforasecond.Thenshetookasharpbreathandlookedupatme,her

lovelyeyeswide.“Thisis...youreallymeanit?”

Ilaughed.“OfcourseIdo.Whydoyousoundsosurprised?”

“It’sjustthat...”Settingasidethecupcake,Laceyglancedaway,herexpressioncaughtbetweenjoy

andregret.“AftereverythingIputyouthrough—”

“Hey,now,”Iinterrupted,takingherhand.“Iunderstandwhyyoudidwhatyoudid.AndIknow

you’velearnedfromyourmistake.Iknowyou’dneverlietomeagain.”

Sheimmediatelyshookherhead.“Ofcoursenot,but—”

“Thenthere’snobuts.Iloveyou,Itrustyou,endofstory.”Ikissedherknucklesgently,thenwent

downononeknee,stillholdingherhand.“So...LaceyBarton,willyoumarryme?”

Shepressedherotherhandtohermouth,hereyesbrimming.“Yes!”shesaidwithalaugh.

Myheartoverflowed.IleanedintohugLaceytightandclaimmyfirstkissasherfiancé.Nothing

couldcomparetothismoment.Ihadtheworld’smostamazingwomaninmyarms...andshewantedto

bemineforever.

Whenwepausedforbreath,Iaskedwithasmirk,“Youknowwhatthismeans,right?”

Sheblinked,brieflyperplexed,thengiggled.“Yes,yes.I’mfinallymovinginwithyou.”

Forthelastsixmonths,Ihadaskedherroughlyadozentimesifshewouldmoveinwithme.Shehad

alwayschangedthesubjectordemurredpolitely,sayingthingslike“Isn’tittoosoonforthat?”and“Oh

no,Dadwouldflipout.”Whilemybosscouldbeold-fashioned—andLaceyhadalreadystressedhimout

plentylastyear—Ididn’tthinkBartonwasthekindofmantohaveaheartattackoveralittlecohabitation.

“Sowhydidyoukeepturningmedown?”Iasked.Iwantedtoheartherealreason,inherown

words.

Shesighed,althoughshewasstillsmilingalittle.“Ihadtworeasons,butthey’rekindofrelated.

They’llprobablysoundstupidwhenIsaythemoutloud.”

Igotuptositbesideher.“I’mnotgoinganywhere.”

“Okay.Well,first,IwantedtomakesureIwas...worthyofyou.”WhenIopenedmymouthto

protest,sheputupherhand.“BeforeIcamehere,I’dneverlivedalonebefore.I’vealwayshad

roommates,orlivedwithDad,or...Troy.Andafterwhathappenedlastyear,itbecameevenmore

importantformetolearnself-reliance.TobeconfidentthatIcoulddealwithmyownproblems.Ifwe

livedtogether,itwouldbetootemptingtodependonyou,andIwouldn’tlearnanythingaboutmyself.I’d

justberelyingonyou.”

“Butyou’reamazinginyourownright,”Iteased.“Itdoesn’tmatterwhoyou’rewith.”

Shesmileddespiteherself.“Thanks,Nolan.Forwhatit’sworth,Ithinkyoudomakemeabetter

person.Butnotinanunhealthyway,ifthatmakessense.You’renotacrutch,ormy‘otherhalf,’or

whatever.IwantedtofindoutwhetherIwasawholepersonwhoreallybroughtsomethingtoour

relationship.Doesthatmakeanysense?”

Irubbedmychin.“Ithinkso.Youwanttobewithmebecauseyouwantme,notbecauseyouneed

me.”

Smiling,shenoddedquickly.“That’sexactlyit.Usbeingequalpartnersisreallyimportanttome.”

Ireachedmyarmaroundhershoulderstogiveheranencouragingsqueeze.“Andyourotherreason?”

“Ialso...wantedtogiveyouyourspace.Iknowyouweretheoneaskingtomoveintogether,butI

couldn’tbearthethoughtofyoueverfeelingtrappedagain.”Shedroppedhergazeandbitherlip.“Some

partofmewassecretlyafraidthat,oneday,you’dcometoyoursenses.Andifwewerelivingtogether,

thatwouldmakeitalothardertodowhatwasrightforyou.”

“Youmeandumpyou?”

Hervoicewasverysmall.“Yeah.”

Ibroughtmyotherarmuptohugher.“Sweetheart,itmeansalottohearyoucaresomuchaboutmy

feelings.Butmanagingthemisn’tyourjob—Icanhandlemyself.”Itookherchin,turningherfacetoward

me.“AndI’mnotsurehowIcouldeverfalloutoflovewithyou.”

BeforeImetLacey,IhadthoughtIwastakinglifeeasy.Butitwasn’treallyaneasylifeifIhadto

worksohardtomaintainit—buildingmywallshigh,suspiciousofanysurprise,shunninganyconnection

thatmightdemandtoomuch.Likelivingasaguestinmyownhome,afraidtotouchorpeertoodeeply

intoanything.

Laceyhadshownmehowgooditfelttodropthoseinhibitions.Tobecaughtoffguard,tolose

control,toletlifewashovermewithallitsmessyentanglementsandcontradictions.Beingwithher,I

realizedwhathomewassupposedtofeellike.

SheheldoutherhandandIslippedtheringontoherfinger.Iwasn’tmuchofajewelryguy,butthe

sparklyrockonherslimfingerwasstunning.Evenmoresobecauseofwhatitsignified.Shewasgoingto

bemineforever.

ThenIkissedheragaintenderly,takingmytimeandluxuriatinginherwarmth.Whateverthislife

threwatusnext,Icouldn’twaittoshareitwithLacey—mybiggestsurprise,mybestcontradiction,my

brightestlight.

She’dbeentheonerunning,butsomehowshe’dchasedawayallmydemonsandforcedmetosee

whatwasrightinfrontofme.We’dsavedeachotherintheprocess,andnowshewasmine.AndIwas

hers.Athoughtthatdidn’tscareme,butinsteadmademefeelwhole.

“Iloveyou,”Iwhispered,bringinghermouthtominetostealonemorekiss.

Author’sNote

Thisstoryisunconventional,andthatwasintentionalonmypart.Thousandsofromancenovelsare

publishedeveryyear,andmanyfollowthesameformula.Asareader,Ialwaysgetexcitedwhenan

authortakesariskandwritessomethingoutsidethebox,orreimaginesanoldconcept,breathingfreshlife

intoit.Myhopeisthatyouenjoyedthisstoryandthatitwasauniqueexperienceforyou.IamhappythatI

gottotellit.

Whilewritingthisbook,Iexperiencedmyowntraumaticlife-threateningevent.Ihaven’ttalked

aboutitwithmanypeople,butI’mreadytoshareitnowwithyou.Oneafternoonlastfall,Iwasfollowed,

stalked,andthreatenedbyamanwho—theonlywayIcansayit—wentcrazyandcameafterme.Ihadto

call911,andIhonestlyfearedformylife.

Iliketothinkofmyselfasatoughcookie,butinthatmoment,whiletryingtogetawayfromhiminmy

car,Iwasalsotryingtoexplaintothe911operatorwhatwasgoingon,givehermyname,adescriptionof

theman,etc.Myvoicewaswaveringandmyheartwasbeatingamillionmilesaminute.Ididgetaway

safely,afteraboutaten-minuteordeal,andthemantookoffandleftbeforethepolicearrived.

Itwasonlylater,whenIwassafeathomewithmyhusband,thatIreflectedonthisincident.This

book,whichwasaboutninetypercentdoneatthetime,poppedintomymind,andthecorrelationwas

easytomake.IhonestlyfeltlikeIwasLaceyandmyhusbandwasNolan.Hewasmyprotector,andIfelt

saferinhisarmsthananywhereelse.He’dkickanyone’sassformeandwouldneverletanyharmcome

myway.Insteadofjustwritingaboutheart-pumpingadrenalineandfightorflightresponse,Ihadlivedit

thatday.

Laceyarguablymakessomestrangechoices,butthosebecameclearertometoo.Whenyoufeel

threatened,commonsenseisovershadowedbysomethingmoreprimal.Youmightmakedifferentchoices

thanyouanticipate.

Afterthiseventhappened,Iconsideredpostingaboutitonsocialmedia,asIdowithmostmajor

eventsinmylife.I’mawriter;it’swhatIdo.Puttingwordsdowntoexplainexactlywhathappened

soundedtherapeuticinsomeways,plusIenjoykeepingmyreadersupdatedwithmylife.

Butthisfelttoopersonal.Too,Idon’tknow...delicate.SoIchosenottosayanythingatall.

Iwilltellyouit’schangedmeinsomeways.Idon’ttakethingsforgranted,Ihugmybabiestighterat

night,Icheckthelocksonmydoorsmoreoften.ButIpromiseyou,Iamokay.Manypeople—someofyou

readingthis,I’msure—havedealtwithmuchworse.Myheartgoesouttoyou.(That’sanotherreasonI

didn’twanttosayanything;Ididn’twanttosoundlikeadramaqueenorawhiner.)

Thankyouforreading.Andthankyouforbeingthereforme.I’mlearningtoappreciateeverylittle

thing,andonethat’smostdeartomeisyou,myreaders.

StayConnected

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ComingSoonintheAlphasUndoneSeries

Slow&Steady

WhenformerNavySEALGreysonArchertossesatwentyonthestageofastripclub,thelastthing

heexpectstoseeisapairoffamiliarhauntedgreeneyesstaringathim.Finleyshouldbehomeraisingher

infantdaughterandbakingcookies,nottuckingsinglesintoherG-stringandgivinglapdances.

Greysoncan’tdenythathe’dlikehisownprivateshow,butthere’snotachanceinhellofthat

happening.Thelasttimehesawhershewasdressedinblack,holdingafoldedflagandsobbingthatit

wasallhisfault—andhe’dagreedwitheverysingleword.Hecouldn’tdoanythingtohelpherthen,but

hecannow.

Finleydeservesbetterthanthisdingyclub,andwhenanobsessedcustomercrossestheline,Greyson

leadstherescueandwilldowhateverittakestomakeamendsfortheirbrokenpast.

Heneverexpectedtowanttosettledown,butwithFinley,everythingisdifferent.Forthefirsttime

ever,hecanbreathe.ButGreysonwillhavetofightforwhathewantsinordertokeepthewomanwith

thegreeneyeshe’sdreamedaboutsooften.

Acknowledgments

Tomydevelopmentaleditor,AngelaSmith,wow.Youreadsomeprettycrappyfirstdraftsofthis

bookandyoustillbelievedinit,whichisprettydangamazing.Thankyou.

ToAlexandra,yourhelpwasbothsuperbandtimely.Thankyouforeverything!

MelissaK.,thankyouforbetareadinganearlyversionofthisstoryandhelpingtopointouttheweak

spots.

AndPamBerehulke,asalways,yourockmyworld,lady.Editorextraordinaire.

MyveryownNolan,youmightnotbeanex-SEAL,butyou’remyheroallthesame.

AbouttheAuthor

ANewYorkTimes,WallStreetJournal,andUSATODAYbest-sellingauthorofmorethantwenty

titles,KendallRyanhassoldmorethanamillione-books,andherbookshavebeentranslatedintoseveral

languagesincountriesaroundtheworld.She’satraditionallypublishedauthorwithSimon&Schuster

andHarperCollinsUK,aswellasanindependentlypublishedauthor.

Sinceshefirstbeganself-publishingin2012,she’sappearedat#1onBarnes&NobleandiBooks

chartsaroundtheworld.HerbookshavealsoappearedontheNewYorkTimesandUSATODAYbest-

sellerlistmorethantwodozentimes.RyanhasbeenfeaturedinsuchpublicationsasUSATODAY,

Newsweek,andInTouchWeekly.

Tobenotifiedofnewreleasesorsales,joinKendall’sprivate:

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