DangerousTemptations

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BrookeCumberland

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BrookeCumberland

www.brookecumberland.com

DangerousTemptations

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purchaseacopyofyourownandrespectthehardworkofthisauthor.

Onenightwasallittook…
OnenighttoruineverythingIthoughtIknew.

Fromtheoutside,Ihadtheperfectlifestyle.
Wealthyfiancé,blossomingcareer,amazingfriends.

Iwasn’tlookingtogetmarriedyet,butwhenWilliam—”Manhattan’sroyalty”—charmedhiswayintomy
life,Icouldn’tdenythesecurityandcomfortthatovercameme.

Tosociety,Iwasthegirlonlyafterhismoney.Iwastheparty-goerwhomanagedtoseduceamantwice
myagetohavethelifestylesomecouldonlydreamof.Iwaseverymagazine’sclichéofwhatagold-
diggingwhorewas.

Iwantedtoprovethemwrong—thatourlovewasrealandthatIwasn’tthatgirl.

Buttheneverythingchanged.
Onewrongdecision.Oneunfaithfulnight.Onehauntingreality.
Perhapstheywereright.

Themediadidn’tseeitcoming…andneitherdidI.

TableofContents

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Author’sNote

Prologue

ChapterOne

ChapterTwo

ChapterThree

ChapterFour

ChapterFive

ChapterSix

ChapterSeven

ChapterEight

ChapterNine

ChapterTen

ChapterEleven

ChapterTwelve

ChapterThirteen

ChapterFourteen

ChapterFifteen

ChapterSixteen

ChapterSeventeen

ChapterEighteen

ChapterNineteen

ChapterTwenty

ChapterTwenty-One

ChapterTwenty-Two

ChapterTwenty-Three

ChapterTwenty-Four

ChapterTwenty-Five

ChapterTwenty-Six

ChapterTwenty-Seven

ChapterTwenty-Eight

ChapterTwenty-Nine

ChapterThirty

ChapterThirty-One

Epilogue

AbouttheAuthor

OtherbooksbyBrookeCumberland

Acknowledgements

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“Wemaylovethewrongpersonandcryforthewrongreason,butonething

isforsure,mistakeshelpustofindtherightperson.”

-TaylorSwift

Author’sNote

Hireader!

First,thankyousomuchforpickingupDangerousTemptations!IreallyhopeyouloveMac’sstoryas

muchasIdo.Secondly,Iwanttopointoutthatthisbookisexactlywhatthetitlesuggests:temptation.

Readtheblurbcarefullytoseeifit’ssomethingforyou.Withoutgivinganythingaway,Iknowthisbook

isn’tgoingtobeforeveryoneandthat’sokay.ButIhopeyougetitatry!Machadastorytotell,andI

simplyallowedhertotellitthewayitneededtobetold.Thisisastandalone,sorestassuredyou’llbe

gettinganending.:-)

Thankyouagainforallyoursupport!Enjoytheride!

MuchLove,

Brookexo

Prologue

IstaredoutofthelargefloortoceilingwindowastherainpouredoverNewYorkCity.Itwasagloomy

andcloudyspringday.Ifocusedonthestreetwalkerscoveringthemselvesupwithumbrellasand

oversizedjackets.Itwaslikedejavu…Ifeltthesamefeeling,thatsamefear.Everythingaroundme

movedinslowmotionastheeventsfromthatdayplayedoutinfrontofme.

Blood.Somuchblood.

IfeltmystomachthreateningtoemptythecontentsofmybreakfastasIheardthescreechingvoiceof

myboss,Laura.“Mackenzie!”Iquicklyspunaroundtoheropeningthedoor.“Ihavealunchmeetingat

oneo’clock,”sheinformedmewithcoldeyes.“We’llbeeatingintheconferenceroom.Makesureour

orderishereontime,”shesaidfirmly,emphasizingthewordtime.Iwasstilllearningmywayaroundthe

companyandcallinginquickfavorswasn’teasy.

“Noproblem,Ms.Carmichael.”Iforcedasmileinherdirection.

Actually,itwasabigproblem.

Shedidn’ttellmewhereshewantedmetoorderfromandshecouldn’tbebotheredwithinane

questions.Shejustexpectedmetoknow.

Assoonasshewalkedout,Ifranticallysearchedmyemailforanykindofdeliveryconfirmationthe

lasttimeshehostedalunchconference.Finally,IfoundthemostrecentoneforaMediterraneanrestaurant

andquicklyplacedanorder—hopingtoGodIwaspickingthecorrectthings.

By12:50,thefoodhadn’tarrivedyet,andIwasstartingtosweatprofusely.

Shit,shit,shit.She’sgoingtofireme.

“Mackenzie!”sheyelledfromheroffice.

“Yes?”Iasked,fearandanxietyevidentinmyvoice.

“Mr.Lancastereatsgluten-freeonly.Makesurethefoodisuptopar.”

Inodded.“Absolutely.”

Ohmygod!Shetellsmethisnow?

JustasIturnedaroundtowalkoutandbacktomydesk,Irandirectlyintoawall.

Exceptitwasn’tawall.ItwasMr.Lancasterandmyasswasdefinitelygoingtobetoast.

“Whoa…”hesaidlightlybracingmyshoulderswiththepalmsofhishands.“Youallright?”

Itiltedmyheaduptoatallsalt-and-pepperhairedman.Hewasalllinesandangles.Hisbodyfelt

firmagainstmine,andIhadtoremindmyselfhowtotalk.

“Y-yes.Oh,gosh,I’msosorry!”

“Noworries,Miss…”Hesmiled,waitingformetotellhimmyname.

“Hewitt,”Ifilledinforhim.“MackenzieHewitt,”Istumbled.“I’mreallysorry.Ishould’vebeen

watchingwhereIwasgoing.”

“Yes…youshouldhave.”IheardLaurascoldingfrombehindme.Hereitgoes…I’msofired!

“Laura,it’sfine.”Hehelduphishand.“Ishouldn’thavecreptuponher.It’smyfault,”heresponded

genuinely.Helookeddownatmeandwinked.Imouthedathankyouandsteppedbacktoallowhimto

walkpastme.

ThefoodhadfinallyarrivedandIquietlybroughtitintotheirmeetingwithoutsayingaword.That’s

howIwastrained—beseen,notheard.Iwastheretodoajob,notmakefriendlychat.

“Laura…”Iheardhimsaywithamusement.“Yourassistantmust’vereadmymind.”

Oh,shit…Hadheheardmethinkingabouthim?HadIsaidsomethingaloud?Hewasgoodlooking

forhisage,attractiveactually.I’dbeenthinkinghowsexyhewasjustbeforehespoke.

IswallowedasIturnedtofacethem.“IloveMediterranean.”Hesmiledseductively,makingmy

bodyshiverinresponse.Washeflirtingwithmerightinfrontofmyboss?Ididn’tknowwhattosay.I

blushedasIgaveasmallsmileinreturn.

“Yes,she’squitetheworker,”Laurapraised,takingmeoffguard.She’dneversaidanicethingto

meinthepastsixmonthsI’vebeenslavingforher.

Ilefttheroomwithoutanotherword.IfeltlikeIwasinthetwilightzone.Thiswasnotausual

encounterinmybusyday-to-dayschedule.

Anhourlater,Mr.Lancasterexitedtheconferenceroomandthankedmeforhislunch.

“You’reverywelcome,Mr.Lancaster,”Iresponded,smilingagain.Icouldn’thelpit.Therewasjust

somethingsovibrantandappealingabouthim.

“Oh,please.CallmeWilliam,”heinsisted,bringingahandtohischest.

“Haveagoodevening,William,”Iresponded,encouraginghimtoleavesoIcouldfinishmywork.

Buthejustcontinuedtostandinfrontofmydesk.

“I’dhaveamuchbettereveningifyou’daccompanymetodinnertonight.”Myeyeswidenedin

surprise.Didhejustaskmeoutonadate?“Iassureyouit’dbealotmoreenjoyableifIweren’teating

alone.”Nowthatjustmademesad.Noonedeservedtoeatdinneralone.Ihadtoomanychildhood

memoriesofeatingaloneinalleys.There’snowayIwasgoingtoturndownamealwithhim.

“I’dloveto.”Hetookdownmyaddressandsaidhe’dpickmeupateighto’clock.Mybody

trembledasIwatchedhimwalkaway.Didthatjustreallyhappen?Iwasmentallyfreakingout,butI

remindedmyselfIneededtostaycalm.Istillhadfivehoursleftofworktogetthrough.

Thatnight,wemetfordinnerandhefocusedallofhisattentiononme.Itwassospecial,morethanI

hadevenexpected.Beingaroundhimfilledmybodywithacomfortingwarmth.Hewaseasy-goingfor

holdingsomuchpower.

Afterourdinner,IendedupGooglinghimandfindingoutexactlywhohewas.Iwasspeechless.

Shocked.Surely,hewasjustusingmeforsomekindofpublicitystunt.Hewasbroadcastedalloverpage

sixintheNewYorkPostatleasttwiceamonth.Buthecontinuedtoaskmeout,andIcontinuedtosayyes.

Despiteouragedifference,itdidn’treallyseemtomatter.Wecarriedeasyconversation.Hecringed

atmyworkhorrorstories,andIlaughedathisjokes.Weweretwopeoplewhowould’veneverbeen

destinedtomeethadInotmovedtothecityayearago.Butsomethingstrongerpulledustogether,anda

yearlater,heproposed.

Imovedintohissix-thousandsquarefootpenthouseapartmentshortlyafter.Itwaseasier,madeitso

wecouldseeeachothermoreoftensinceheworkedtentotwelvehourdaysandthenusuallyhad

businesstripstwiceamonth.Hisattentionwaslimitedwhenitcametojugglingsomanythingsatonce.

ButweweremakingitworkandIhadneverbeenhappier.

Butthenonewrongdecisionchangedthecourseofmylife,andIhadn’tseenitcoming.Ididn’t

knowIwouldcontinuetobehauntedbytherealityofoneunfaithfulnight.Butsoon,Ifoundoutlines

wouldbecrossed,boundarieswouldbebroken,andthingswereneverastheyseemedinthefirstplace.

ChapterOne

SixMonthsLater…

Oh,god.

Myheadwaspounding.Orwait.Wassomeoneatthedoor?

There’snowayIwasthishungover.OrwasI?Shit,Ididn’tknow.Itwaspitchblack,butthenI

realizedIhadn’topenedmyeyesyet,butthepoundingwasdefinitelyapparent.

Irolledover,feelingtheweightshiftaroundonthemattress.Thelight,fluffycomforterfeltgreaton

myhotskin.TherestofmefeltlikeI’dbeenhitbyatruck.

Mybodyjerked.Somethingwaswrong.

Ididn’thavealight,fluffycomforter.

Iopenedmyeyes,blinkingseveraltimestogetusedtothebrightlight.Thesunwasshiningin,andI

silentlycursedthedamnwindowfornotshieldingthesunlightout.

IsuckedinabreathasItriedtoremembertheeventsoflastnight.

Icouldn’t.Notmuchafterdinneranyway.IknewIwentoutforBrittainy’sbacheloretteparty.The

girlsandItookalimoalloverthecity,takingustodinneratElevenMadisonPark,andthenweendedup

atClubLeBainfordancinganddrinks.

Therestwaskindoffuzzy.

Isquinted,archingmybacktostretchoutthekinks.Christ,itfeltlikemybodyhadbeenfoldedin

halfandbeatenallnightlong.

Iroamedmyhandsdownmybody,feelingforanykindofevidence.Iwasnaked,completelynaked,

andIneversleptnakedunless…

Ibroughtmyfingersdowninbetweenmylegs.Itached,terribly.IcouldtellIhadafullbodywork

outlastnight.

IfeltsicklikeIwasgoingtothrowup,butIcontinuedtoliestraight,hopingit’dpass.

Ibreathedinandout,slowly.Oncemystomachcalmeddown,Iattemptedtomove.Afirmhand

grabbedaroundmywaist,pullingmebackbeforeIhadthechancetogetup.

“Don’tmove,”alow,deep,gravellyvoicegrowledinmyear.Itwasavoiceofamanwho’djust

wokenup.Nexttome.

OnceIletitsinkit,itrangabell,butIcouldn’tquiteplaceit.Hepulledmybodyclosertohis,my

backtohischest,ashegraspedmyhipwithoneofhishands.Hedippedhischinontomyshoulderand

whisperedinmyear,“Istillhavethetasteofyouonmylips.”Myeyeswidenedinshock.Ifelthishot

breathonme,thescentofalcoholevidentasIinhaledagainsthim.

Holyshit.

Itriedtorackmybrainforanymemoryoflastnight.Whothehellwasthisguy?Whatwashis

name?Crap,Ididn’tevenknowhisname!

Hesqueezedmyhipbeforetrailinghisfingersdownmystomach,slowlyheadingdowninbetween

mythighs.Mybodytingledinresponse,myeyesflutteredshutfromthetouchofhishandsonme.

Iquicklyopenedmyeyesandcoveredhishandwithmine.“Stop,”Iblurtedoutinapanic,sucking

inanotherbreath.Hishandhalted,hisbodystillingnexttome.

“Hungover?”hequestioned,amusementlacedinhistone.Hisbreathtickledmyearagain,sending

unwantedshiversdownmyspine.

Icursedmytraitorousbody.Itapparentlyrememberedlastnight,yetnothingwascomingtome.

“Yeah,Iseemtohaveacaseofthe‘Idon’trememberwhatthehellhappenedlastnight’,”Isaid

honestly.Heremovedhishand.Ifelthisbodyshiftslightlyasheputspaceinbetweenus.

“Turnaround,”heordered.“Maybeyou’llremembermyface.”Icouldhearthehopefulnessinhis

tone,butIknewavisualwasn’tgoingtohelp.Iblackedoutandnothingfromlastnightwascomingtome.

Ididn’thesitatethough.IgrabbedthesheettoconcealmyselfasIturnedaroundtofacehim.

Well,thenatleastIunderstoodmybody’sreaction.Hewasallmessyhairwithlightstubbleonhis

face.Hiseyeswereadark,chocolatebrown.Hewaslookingatmeintently,waitingformetosayI

rememberedhim.ButIdidn’t.

IswallowedasIlookeddownthelengthofhisbodytoseehewascompletelynaked.Onlyasmall

partofthesheetcovereduphiscock,buteverythingelsewasexposed.IsuckedinasharpbreathasI

forcedmyeyesbackup.

“Sorry,”Ichokedout.“Ihavenomemoryofyou.”Iblushed,severelyembarrassed.Helookedgood

enoughtoeatandhereIdidn’trememberanyofit.

“That’sokay,”hefinallysaid,hislipscurvingupslightly.“I’dbegladtohelpyouremember…

perhapsafourthtimewouldjoltyourmemory.”

Myeyeswidenedinshocked.“A…fourthtime?”Iclenchedthesheettightertomychest.Nowonder

mybodyfeltbruisedandbroken.

“Wow…”Hegrinnedplayfully.“Nomemoryevenafterthreetimesiskindofanegokiller.”He

brushedahandthroughhismessylocks,takingmyattentionawayfromhiseyes.IimaginedIwasto

blameforhishairlookinglikethat—asifIhadrakedmyhandsthroughitoverandover—squeezing,

pulling.

Stayfocused,Mac.

Iblinked,seriouslyfrustratedIcouldn’trememberanything.

“I’ms-sosorry,”Irambled.“Icanusuallyholdmyliquor,butlastnightwasagirl’snight…”

“Iknow,”hecutmeoff.“Bachelorettepartyifmemoryservesmecorrect.Youwereoutwithsome

girlfriends.”

“Right…oh,god,didtheyseemeleavewithyou?Ineedtogetdressed.Ishouldleave.Whereare

myclothes?”Istartedtositup,feelingtoolightheadedtostandup.“Shit.”

“Sitback,Mac.”Itwasn’tasuggestion.Hepulledmebackgentlyuntilmyheadhitthepillow.“I’ll

grabyousomejuiceandpills.”

“Okay.Thankyou…”Ilingered,stillnotknowinghisname.

Hesatup,searchingthefloorforhisshorts.Hepulledthemonandspunaroundwithanenormous

grinonhisface.“Alex.”

Holypantydropper.

WhichexplainswhyI’mnotwearingany.

Iswallowed,takingallofhiminagain.Hedefinitelyhadsomethingworthstaringat;notoverlybuff,

buthehadchiseledmusclesinalltherightplaces.Hisarmslookedtoneandstrong,asdidhistorso.I

blinkedupathimandnodded.“Thankyou,Alex.”

“You’rewelcome,Mac.”Hestartedtowalkawaybeforehefrozeandquicklyspunaround.“That’s

yourname,right?”Onesideofhislipscurvedup.

Itriednottolaughbecauseithurtmyhead,butIcouldn’thelpthesmallchuckleasitescapedmy

throat.“Yes,well,it’sMackenzie.ButmyfriendscallmeMac.”

“Hmm…”hepondered.“Ilikeit.Macsuitsyou.”Hegrinnedonceagainbeforespinningback

around.Hebentdownquickly,givingmeafullviewofhisperfectly-shapedassandturnedtoplacemy

dressonthebed.Inarrowedmyeyes.Werethosescratchesonhisass?

“Ihaveshortsandat-shirtinthedresserifyouprefertowearsomethingelsesincethatcan’t

actuallybeconsideredadressanyway.”Hewinkedandthentookoffoutoftheroom.

IdecidedI’dratherweartheshortsandt-shirt.Iwouldalreadybedoingthewalkofshame,butat

leastmyasswouldbecoveredup.

Everythingremainedfuzzy,butIwastryingreallyhardtoremembersomething,anything.I’dbeen

planningBrittainy’sbachelorettepartyformonths,soIknewIhadtobeoutwithherandafewofour

otherfriends—Katie,Ella,andStaci.Ijustdon’tremembertheactualeventsthattookplaceaftergetting

ready.

“Here…”Alexsaidashewalkedbackin.Icouldn’thelpmyeyeswanderingbackdowntowhere

hisshortswere.Theylaylooselyonhiships,notreallyconcealingmuchatall.Hehandedmetwowhite

pillsandasmallglassoforangejuice.“Youshouldeat.”

Iswallowedthepillsdownandshookmyheadno.“NotsureIcouldkeepfooddownrightnow.”

“Youshouldtry…absorbthealcoholatleast.Itmightmakeyoufeelbetter,”heinsisted.ItwasthenI

realizedwewereinahotel—asuite.I’mnotsurehowIdidn’tnoticeitearlier,butnowIcoulddefinitely

tell.

“Okay,I’lltry,”Iagreed.“Wherearewe?”

“TheStandard,”heresponded.Thingswereslowlymakingsense.LeBainwasaclubinsideThe

Standard,whichmeantwedidn’thavetogofaronceweleft.“I’mstayingherewhilemythingsget

shippedbackover.”

“Shippedfromwhere?”

“Ispentthelastfewyearsstudyingabroadforgraduateschool.Ijustflewbackandhaven’tmoved

backhomeyet.”

“Oh,interesting.Guessthiswasonewaytocelebratecominghome…wakinguptoagirlwho

remembersnothing.”Ilaughed,mostlytomyselfandoftheirony.Iwassogoingtohell.

“You’vedefinitelymadeitinteresting,”heagreed.“Memorable,aswell.”

Hegrabbedtheroomservicemenuandstartedlookingitover.“Wouldyoulikemetoorder

somethingforyou?Doyouhaveanyspecificrequestsoranything?”

I’vebeenonadietforoverayear,makingsuremybodywasalwaysinperfectshape.Thedamn

paparazzilovedtakingmypictureanychancetheycouldget,makingsuretopointouteverysingleflaw

theycouldfind.Theywererelentless.

Buttoday…hell,I’dalreadyhadaplatefulofsinsaddingup,soIwasgoingtocontinuetoindulge.

“Iwant…everything.”Ibreathedoutasigh.“Pancakes,eggs,bacon…oh,god,bacon.Ihaven’thad

thatinoverayear.Maybelonger.Toastwithjelly,waffles,anythingwithblueberries…”

“Basically,thewholemenu?”Hegrinned.Hiseyesglazedoverashecontinuedstaringatmeasifhe

wereimpressed.

“Basically.”Ilaughedagain,realizinghowcomfortableIfeltaroundhim.

Afterordering,hesatdownonthebednexttomeandleanedupagainstthebedframe.“It’sokayto

sitbyme,youknow.Iwon’tbite.Imean…unlessyouaskmeto,ofcourse.”Washeflirtingwithme?

Consideringeverythingweapparentlydidlastnight,you’dthinkourone-nightstandwouldbeas

awkwardasIfelt.Hesuckedinhislowerlipandwinkedatme.

Hewasdefinitelyflirtingwithme.

“Ifeelalittleawkwardnotrememberingyouandyouremembering…everything.Usuallyone-night

standsjustdothequickdress-and-bail,right?Well,you’reactingkindof…normal.”

Helaughedlightlywithamusementinhiseyesashecontinuedlookingatme.“Ihaven’teverhada

one-nightstandbefore,butI’dguessyou’reprobablyright.”

Ileanedbackagainstthebedframenexttohim,mybodyrelaxingmore.“Seriously?”Ifrowned.

“Areyoujustmessingwithme?You’veneverhadaone-nightstandbefore?”

Hiseyesshiftedashislipspursedtogether,thinkingbeforeheresponded.“Nope.Well,they

might’vestartedlikethat,buttheyalwaysendedupasmore.”

Ichewedmylip,thinkinghowthiswasnot…couldnot…turnintomore.

“Well,consideryourcherrypoppedforone-nightstands,”Isaidlightly,hopinghe’dunderstand

whatIwastryingtosay.

Heshifted,bringinghisbodyclosertomine.Iswallowednervouslyashishandmovedtomyface,

cuppingmyjaw.“WouldyoubeupsetifIkissedyou?”Hisquestionfeltsomisplaced,butIdidn’tmind.I

should’vemindedalot,butIcouldn’tfinditinmetodenyhim.“Justoncesoyoucansayyouactually

remembersomethingaboutme?”Hisvoicewaslow,sultry.IfIhadanypantieson,they’dbemeltingright

offmyskinwithhisvoice.

Istaredintohisintense,browneyesandnodded.Ididn’thavethenervetorespond.Ididn’ttrust

whatwouldcomeoutofmymouthifIdid.

Hepulledmyfaceclosertohis,ourmouthseachmeetinghalfway.Hislipscoveredmine,softand

warm,ashegentlypushedhistongueinside.Itstartedslowandeasy,ourtonguesslowlyfindingarhythm.

Hishandshiftedandwrappedintomyhair,pullingmeevencloser.Mybodyfeltlikeitwasonfire,heat

andarousalbuildingupinsideme.Thesensationalonecloudedmyheadandanylogicmymindwas

tryingtomake.Mybodywasdriving,notstoppingtohearanyrationalreasonsastowhyIshould’ve

stoppedthekiss.

BeforeIhadthechancetosecond-guessmydecision,hepulledbacklightly,nippingatmylowerlip

beforepressingonelastlightkissonmymouth.

“Anychancethatsparkedyourmemory?”hewhisperedhopefully,hishandstilltangledinmyhair.I

wantedsobadlytotellhimIrememberedeverything,butstill,nothing.Ishookmyhead,keepingmyeyes

closedasItriedtoforceanymemoriesin.Anythingthatcouldbringtolightwhathadhappened.

Thiswaswrong.ThatmuchIknew.Butmybodydisagreed—stomachflutters,heartthumping,

arousalbuildinginside—itwasnothinglikeI’veeverfeltbefore.

“Canyoutellmehowwemet?Aboutwhathappenedlastnight?”Iasked,openingmyeyestoseehis

lockedonmine.

Heloweredhishandbutcontinuedpressingupclosetome.“Youmeanyouwantmetotellyouhow

youwerealloverme?”

Ilaughed,appreciatingthewayhewastryingtolightenthemood.Ishovedmyelbowintohisside

andsaid,“No.IfIwantedthemade-upversion,I’djusttellmyselfastory.”

“Areyousayingitwastheotherwayaround?”heasked,pretendingtosoundoffended.

“I’msayingthat’stheonlyoptionifthisishowweendedup.”

“Sosureofherself—aqualityIdon’tmind.Confidenceisagoodtrait.”

Ifrowned.“No,IjustknowwhatkindofpersonIam.Iwouldn’triskdisapprovingbehavior

knowingIcouldeasilybeseen.”

“Seen?”heinquired.“AreyousomeoneIshouldknow?”

Ilaughednervously.“No,notreally.IratherenjoyjustbeingMac.”IwasnotgoingtotellhimwhoI

actuallywas.Hellno.TherewereplentyofelitecelebslivinginManhattan—mostofwhichthepaparazzi

justwantedtomakeabuckfrom.Itdidn’talwaysmeananything,butwhenyouwereexpectedtobe

perfectineveryway,youwerecriticizedandanalyzedevenmoreoften.

Aknockonthedoorinterruptedus.Hegrabbedashirtfromthedresserandpulleditonashe

walkedouttoanswerit.

Anicelydressedwaiterpushedtwocartsinfilledwithtraysoffood.Hereallyhadordered

everythingonthemenu.

Iwatchedashethankedandtippedtheguy.Hewasgenerous,thatmuchIcouldsee.Thewaiter

thankedhimoverandoverbeforeAlexfinallyescortedhimoutoftheroom.

Heliftedthetopsoff;thescentoffreshfruitandmaplesyruphitmynoseandsuddenly,mystomach

begantogrowl,loudly.

“Iguessyourappetitehassuddenlychanged.”

“Yeah,IthinkmystomachfinallyrealizesIam.”Ismiled,appreciatinghowcomfortablehewas

makingme.Ishould’vedonethedress-and-bail,butIcouldn’t,knowingwhatIhaddone.Ineeded

answers,butpartofmewasstartingtowonderifIwasbetteroffwithoutthem.

Heservedmeaplatefilledwithscrambledeggs,toastandjelly,pancakes,andbacon.Hepiled

butter,syrup,andfreshblueberriesonthepancakes—justhowIlikedthem.

“MostpeopleIeatwithwouldscowlatthisamountoffood,”Iadmitted,takingtheplatefromhim.

“Mostpeoplearemorons.”Hisheadwasdownashepiledfoodonhisplate,butIsawthecornerof

hislipscurlupinagrin.

Ichuckled.“That’strue,”Isaidmatter-of-factly.“Infact,they’dnevereatanythinglikethisatall.”I

learnedataveryyoungagefoodwasneveraguaranteeandnevertobetakenforgranted.

Hegrabbedhisoverlyfullplateandsatbackdownnexttome,smilingfromeartoear.“Well,thenI

guessthiscanbeourlittlesecret.”

Iknewhewasreferringtomuchmorethanourlittleeatingbinge…

HeflickedtheTVonwhileweate.Icouldn’thelpthemoansescapingmythroat,asItastedfoodI

hadn’teateninyears.

“God,thisisamazing,”Igroaned,pushinganotherforkfulintomymouth.“Feelslikeasin,it’sso

good.”

Icaughtmyself,butitwastoolate.Ihadn’tmeanttosayitaloud,butIknewheheardmewhenhe

nearlychokedontheorangejuicehewassuckingdown.

Iplayfullypattedhimontheback.“Areyougoingtomakeit?”Itriednottolaugh—themere

mentionofsinninghadthisguyalmostchokingtodeath.

“Um…yes.Ithinkso.However,I’mprettysureyou’retryingtokillme.”Hisvoicewassmooth

now,playful.Themorningafteraone-nightstandshouldbeawkward,nerve-wrackingeven,buthemade

mefeelateasebyhislaidbacknature.

Ifinishedmyentireplate.Mystomachfullandsatisfied,butmymindspunoutofcontrol.Whowas

thisguy?Whydidmybodyreacttohiminawayitneverhadbefore?

Ishould’vefeltfear,nervouseven,tobelyingsidebysideinabedwithamanIcouldn’tremember

meeting,butIdidn’t.Itwasasifmybodyrememberedeverything,andmymindjusthadn’tcaughtupyet.

ChapterTwo

“I’mgoingtotakeaquickshower,”hesaidstackingtheemptyplatesoffoodbackonthetray.My

headachewasclearing,butmymindwasstillracing.Thisguywasthecompletepackage—laidback,

genuine,andsexyashell.“Feelfreetojoinme…ifyou’refeelingdirtyandwanttowashallyoursins

away.”Heturnedandwinkedatme,makingitalmostimpossibletoturnhimdown.

SweetJesus.

Mybreathingpickedup,myheartracingasIactuallycontemplatedhisoffer.WhatthehellamI

doing?

“Youhavenoidea…”Igroaned.“ButIreallyneedtogetgoing.”Ipushedmyselfoffthebed,

grabbingmydressinonehandandmypurseintheother.Justthen,Irealized,therewasnowayIcould

leavethehotelinthedaylightlookinglikethis.“Actually,Ihavetocallafriendfirst.”Ishothima

sympatheticlook.IhatedhowIcouldn’tindulgeinhisveryniceoffer.Myconsciencewasalreadyeating

atmewiththelayersofguilt.

“Allright…”hesaidsmoothly,liftinghisshirtoffhishead.“Iwon’ttakelong.Unless,ofcourse,

youchangeyourmind.”

Iclosedmyeyes,hopingbynotlookingathim,mymindcouldclearup.“Sorry,”Isaidhalf-

laughing.Iwassurehecouldseetheagonyinmyface.

Icouldfeelhimashewalkedtowardme,themovementsofhisbodypulsingastheroomvibrated

underneathme.Iopenedmyeyesashishandcameuptocaressmycheek.Heleanedforwardandplaced

asweet,gentlekissonmycheek.“Waitforme.Don’tleave.”

Icouldn’tsayanything,mythroatsuddenlydry,andIwasincapableofspeaking.Inodded,holding

myfaceinhishand.Hestrokedhisthumbovermycheekasasilentthankyou.

Assoonashewalkedaway,IgrabbedmyphoneandcalledStaci.

“Dude,whereareyou?”sheaskedrightaway.

Isighed.“TheStandard.”

“Still?”shegasped.

Isighed,closingmyeyesbeforespeakingagain.“Anychanceyoucancomegetmewithoutaskinga

millionquestions?”

“Doubtful,”shesaidoverlyamused.

“Staci,please!Ineedanewoutfit.Ahatandsomedarkglasses.”

“Allright.Whatroom?”

“Um…”Ilookedaround,noticingakeycardenvelopeonthebedsidetable.“Suite1225.”

“Allright.Icanbethereinahalfhour.”

“Thankyou,”Ibreathedoutinrelief.

“Areyousafe?You’reokay?”sheaskedgenuinely.

“Yeah…I’mgood.Ijustneedtogetoutofherewithoutbeingseen.”

Webothsaidourgoodbyesandhungup.Iheardtheshowerrunning,curiositypiquingmyinterest.

Hellwashell,right?Iwasgoingthereanyway.

Ishruggedtomyselfandbegantotiptoetothebathroom.Thedoorwascrackedopen,andIcould

seehisreflectioninthehalf-foggedmirror.Hisbackwastomeasthewatercascadeddownonhim.He

wasbrushinghishandsthroughhishairasImovedmyeyesdownandnoticedthescratcheshadturned

brightredonhisassanduphisback.Holyhell…thosewerefingernailscratches!Iheldmyhandsupto

lookatmynailsandsureenough,theyweresensitivetothetouch.Howthehelldoyouforgetsomething

likethat?

Apangofbitternessrippledthroughme.Ihadafullnightofsinful,hot,wildsex,andIdidn’teven

rememberit!Granted,itwaswrong.Sowrong.ButIcouldn’tchangethepast.Ithadalreadyhappened.

Isteppedback,forcingmyselftogobacktotheroomandwaitforStaci.God,whatwouldItellher?

ISATONtheedgeofthebedasahalf-nakedAlexcamewalkingbackintotheroom.Awhitetowelhung

looselyonhishipsashebrushedahandthroughhisdamphair.Iswallowed,slowlyturningmyeyes

awayfromhim.Itfeltwrongtostare.

“Areyoublushing?”hetaunted,standingrightinfrontofme.MyheadmovedoninstinctassoonasI

heardhisvoice,andmyeyeswerenowlevelwithhiscrotch.Oh,hell.

“Iwastryingtoberespectful,”Isaidweakly.EvenIcouldheartheinsecurityinmyvoice.

“Sweetheart,there’snothingdisrespectfulaboutagorgeouswomancheckingmeout.”Hisvoicewas

lacedwithseductionand,foramoment,Icontemplatedrippingthedamntoweloff.

Ilookedup,eagertomakeeyecontactwithhimsotheywouldn’twanderanywhereelse.“Myfriend

isonherway.I’llbeleavingshortly.”Myvoicecracked,mybodysuddenlynervousaroundhim.

Henodded,hissmileturningintoadisapprovingfrown.SinceIwasclosetoleavingforgood,the

comfortingatmospherethatwaslingeringbeforewasnolongerthere.Entertheawkwardleavingyour

one-nightstandafterhavingzeromemoryofthenightbefore.Fuckinggreat.

Iwatchedasheturnedtograbsomeclothesoutofthecloset.Myeyesturnedtothedeskinthe

corner,andIrepeatedlyblinkedasashortflashfromthenightbeforeresurfaced.

“Howdoyouwantit?”heaskedquietlyashekissedhiswayalongmyjawanddowntomyear.

“Tellmewhatyoulike.”

Icouldhearthegrowlinginmyear;mybodyshiveredanxiouslyasaflashsuddenlyenteredmy

mind.Wewereonthatdesk.Iwassittingontopofitwithhishandsalloverme.Mybodybegantoheat

astheemotionsfloodedmymind,rememberinghowitfelttohavehimtouchme.

IswallowedasIwatchedhim.Hedroppedhistowel—rightinfrontofme—ashethrewtheclothes

ontheedgeofthebed.Ishould’vedivertedmyeyes,butIcouldn’t.Theywerefrozeninplace.Itookin

thebackofhimagain,hisbareassmarkedwithscratchesthatapparently,Ihadmade.Hisbackmuscles

weresolid,chiseledmarbleashemovedeffortlessly.

Hepulledoveraloosefittingpairofgraysweats.Theyweresosimple—justsweats—butfuckme.

TheywerethekindwithwhitedrawstringsthatlaylooselyontheVofhiships.Hegrabbedat-shirtnext

andturnedaroundtofaceme,adevilishsmirkplayingathislips.

Myeyesnarrowedinonhim.Iwaslikeacatinheat,readytopounceonhimatanygivenmoment.

Myhandsdugintothecomforteronthebed,keepingmefrommovingordoinganythingreckless.The

briefglimpseoflastnighthadmepantingatjustthethoughtofhishandsandmouthonme.

“Wewereonthatdesk,”Ibreathedoutmoreofastatementthanaquestion,butIjustneededthe

confirmation.Wasmymemoryplayingwithme?

Hegrinnedashewalkedtowardmeandsaid,“Sweetheart,wewereeverywhere.Butyes…thedesk

iswhereitstarted.”

Inoddedinunderstanding,notsureofwhatelsetosay.Ididn’twanttohearaplaybyplay.Iwanted

torememberitmydamnself.

“Youremember?”heaskedhopeful,sittinginachairacrossfromme.

Ishookmyhead.“Justaflash.Ashortglimpseofmesittingontopofit.”

“Well,I’dbehappytogiveyouareenactment.Youknow…tohelpjogyourmemory.”Thecornersof

hislipscurledupinatauntingsmirk.

“Oh,Ididn’trealizeyouwereafreakingcomedian.”Helaughedandshookhisheadatme.Aknock

onthedoorsavedmefromanymoreembarrassmentandawkwardsilences.“Oh,that’sprobablymy

friendwithmychangeofclothes.”Istoodupeagerly.

“I’llgiveyousomeprivacy,”hesaidwithashortnod.Ithankedhimashewalkedoutintoanother

roomofthesuite.Iwalkedtothedoorandfinallyexhaledabreathofrelief.

“Oh,thankgod!”Iwrappedmyarmsaroundher.

“Areyouallright?”sheasked,pullingmebacktoinspectmyappearance.

“Yes,I’mokay.He’sbeenreallynice.”

“Who?”sheaskedassoonasIletherin.

“HisnameisAlex…”Inarrowedmybrowstogether.“Alexsomething…”

“Whathappened?”sheaskedagain,followingmeintothebedroom.

IgrabbedthebagfromherwiththethingsIaskedhertobringme.“Idon’tknow.Iwashopingyou

couldtellme.Ican’trememberanything.ButsinceIwokeupnakedinastranger’sbed,Ihaveafreaking

goodidea.”

“Oh,shit,”shecursedunderherbreath.“Wewerealloutdrinking…”

“Yeah,Iassumedthat.Iremembergettingready.Ijustdon’trememberoncethedrinkingstarted.”

“Well,weweredrinkingalot,Mac.Shotsandcocktails.Anddancing.”

“WasIdancingwithsomeone?”Iasked,pullinghisshirtovermyheadtochange.

“Yeah,Ithinkso.Therewasdefinitelyahottiesizingyouup.”

“Andyoudidn’tsayanythingtome?Andjustletmeleavewithhim?”Ihissed,althoughitreally

wasn’therfault.

“Wewerealltogether,Mac,andthensuddenlyyouweregone.Youtextedmeandsaidyouwere

headingoutandtonotworryaboutyou.”

“Idid?”Iasked,tryingtorackmybrainasIchangedintopants.

“Yeah,Ifiguredyoutookacabhome.”

“Shit.”

“Butyou’reokay?”sheaskedsincerely.

“Yeah,I’mfine.Justmydamnmemoryisn’tgivingmemuch.I’vehadashortflash,butitwaslikein

slowmotion.Idon’tknow,butitwasweird.Icould,like,feelwhatIwasfeelingatthetimeandnowit’s

justreplayingoverandoverinmyhead,tryingtoprobeanythingnewoutofit.”Idugthroughthebagand

grabbedtheshadesshebroughtme.Therewerealsosomeflats,anoversizedsweater,andaFedorahat.

IfIwasgoingtobeleavingarandomguy’shotelsuite,Iwasgoingtodoitwithasmuchdignityas

possible.

“Allright.IthinkI’mready.”

“Ishehere?”sheaskedabittooexcitedly,lookingaround.

“Yeah,hewasgivingmesomeprivacythough.It’skindofawkward.Hejustcameouthereand

dressedinfrontofmeafterhisshower.Like,hewasnaked!”Iwhisperedloudly.

“That’ssohot,”shemocked.Isnarledatherandshelaughed.“C’mon,let’sgetyououtofhere

beforesomeoneseesyou.”

“Okay,I’mjustgoingto…saybye,Iguess?Idon’tknow,”Isaid,stumblingovermythoughts.

Shelaughed.“Newtotheone-nightstandmorningafter,areyou?”sheteased.“Justmakeitquick.”I

noddedinresponse,justwantingtogetthisoverwith.

ShewentintothehallasIsearchedtheotherroom.Iwassurprisedtofindhimbehindadeskin

readingglasseswithhistabletinhand.Hewentfromsexy-as-sinmancandytosomethingelse

completely.Helookededible.Hewasfineashellashesimplyworkedonsomething.

IinhaleddeeplyasIsteppedin,smilingweaklyashisheadtiltedup.Oureyeslocked,andthe

energybetweenuswaspalpableandelectric.IneededtogetoutofhereasfastaspossibleorI’dendup

makinganotherwrongdecision.

“I’monmywayout…”Ibeganslowly,unsureofwhatelsetosay.“Thanksforbreakfast.”

Helaughedeasilyashestoodup.Hiseasy-goingnaturewasevidentinhisbodylanguageashe

walkedtowardme.“You’rewelcome,Mac.Idon’tnormallyravishwomenandthenleavethemto

starve.”Hestoppedandstoodrightinfrontofme.Butterfliestookovermystomachatthenearnessofhis

body.Icouldfeelmycheeksheating,orperhapsitwasmyentirebody.Mybody’sresponsetohimwas

uncanny.Thetensionwassothick,Iwasafraidtomove.

Itriedtostayfocusedonhischest,butassoonashespokeagain,theyslowlymoveduptomeethis

intensestare.“Itwasapleasuremeetingyou,Mac.”Herubbedthepadofhisthumbonthesmoothnessof

mycheek.Mybodyrelaxedintohishandashisvoiceserenadedme.“Anychancewecanmeetupagain?”

Icouldseethehopefulnessinhiseyes.Hispleadingeyeswerenowwarm,beggingmetosaywhathe

wantedtohear.“Noalcoholthough.I’dlikeyoutorememberitnexttime.”Hewinkedplayfully.

ButIcouldn’t.

Thiscouldneverhappenagain.

Iswallowed,standingupstraightersohishandwasnolongertouchingme.Ineededtofocus,andI

couldn’twithhishandonme.

“I’msorry,Alex,”wasallIsaid,backinguptowardthehallandshakingmyhead.Ipursedmylips

togetherandlookeddownatthegroundasIwalkedoutofhisview.

IwalkedtowardthedoorwhereStaciwasanxiouslywaitingforme.Shewidenedhereyesatme,

silentlyaskingmeifIwasready.Inoddedbackinresponse,needingtogetthehelloutofthere.Staci

openedthedoor,walkedout,andlookedbothwaystomakesurenooneelsewasaround.“It’sclear.”

IgrippedthedoortoexitjustasIheardmynamefrombehindme.“Mac…”

IinstinctivelywhirledaroundtoAlexmakinghiswaytowardme.BeforeIcouldmove,oreven

respond,hehadbothofhishandsonmyfacepressinghislipstomine.Mybodygavein,syncingmylips

withhis,movinginrhythmasweletthekisssaywhatwewerethinking.

Isunkintohim,grippinghisshirtinmyfists,pushinghimevenclosertome.Amoanescapedmy

lipsasheslowedthepace,buthepressedlingeringkissesonmymouthjustbeforereleasingcompletely.I

swallowed,keepingmyeyessealedshut.Icouldfeelhimhotagainstmyskin.Wepantedinsyncaswe

caughtourbreath.

Heremovedhishandsandbackedupslightly.Iopenedmyeyesandlickedmylips,alreadymissing

thetasteofhim,whichwasareally,reallybadthingtobemissing.

Hetookmyhandandpushedsomethingintoit,squeezingitoncebeforelettinggo.Hebrusheda

handthroughhishair,keepinghiseyeslockedonmineashewalkedbackwardandfinallyturnedaway,

walkingbacktotheroomwhereIhadfoundhim.

“Holyfuck…”Stacigaspedfrombehindme.

Ispunaround,myeyeswideandshockedatwhathadjusthappened.“Wehavetogo,”Isaidrushed.

Igrabbedtheshadesfrommyshirtandputthemovermyeyesaswewalkedtotheelevator.

Myhandwasstillclutchingwithwhateverhehadhandedme.Onceweweresecureintheelevator,I

openedupmyhandandfoundasmallrippedpieceofpaper.

Incaseyouchangeyourmind…555-1026.

WrittenunderneathwasI’mreallyhopingyoudo,Mac.Givemeachancetoremindyou…

Fuck.

“Lookslikeloverboywantsanothernight.”Icouldheartheamusementinhervoice.Shit.Thiswas

sobad.So,sobad.

“Okay…”Ipressedtheemergencystoponthepanelandturnedtowardher.“Youhavetenseconds.

Letitallout.”Istoodwithmyarmscrossed,urginghertogetitoutofhersystem.

“Mac…Iloveyou.I’mjustmessingwithyou.”

“No,c’mon.Ideserveit.Yellatme.Teaseme.Makefunofme.Something!”Ireleasedmyarmsand

threwthemup.“Someoneneedstoyellatme.”

“Mac,youaren’tachild.You’refullycapableofmakingyourowndecisionsandmistakes.Why

wouldIyellatyou?”sheaskedsincerely.Iwasfallingapart.Tearssurfacedandfelldownmycheeks

likeasuddenrainstorm.

“BecauseI’mabadperson,Staci!Ihadaone-nightstand!AndIfeelguiltyashell…formorethan

onereason.”Myvoicetrembled,mybodyshakingasIfullyallowedmyselftocometotermswithwhatI

haddone.“Ican’tbelieveIdidthat…”Myvoicewentflat.

“Youaren’tabadperson.Youmadeadrunkenmistake.Trustme…youaren’tthefirsttodoso.We

alldoshitweregret.”

“Yes…Iknowthat,Stace,”Iretortedsharply.“Butmymistakecouldreallyhurtpeople.Ifthepress

findsout…”

“Theywon’t…hedoesn’tknowwhoyouare,right?”

“No,Idon’tthinkso.Hedidn’tseemto.”

“Well,thereyago.Nooneisgoingtofindout,”shereassuredme.

Iinhaledandexhaleddeeply,needingtocalmmynerves.“Allright…”Inodded,motioningforher

toreleasetheemergencybuttonasIputthehaton.“I’mready.”

Weexitedtheelevatorwithoutasecondglance.Ibowedmyheaddown,concealingmyfaceasmuch

asIcouldandgrabbedherhandassheledmeoutintothebackofhercar.Oncewetookoff,Itookthe

sunglassesandhatoff,relievedIwasfinallyoutofthere.

“You’regoingtobeokay.”Sheflashedacomfortingsmileatme.“Doyouwantmetogoinsidewith

you?”

“No,I’llbefine.I’mjustgoingtotakeashowerandpretendthiswholeweekendneverhappened.”

Shenodded.

Ilookeddownatmyhandsastheynervouslyfidgetedinmylap.Almosthome.Onceinside,Iknew

I’dbesafe.

IhadshovedAlex’snoteinmybackpocket,butIdidn’tevenrealizeituntiljustnow.“Ohmygod!”

IsquealedatStaci.Myeyesnarrowedinonmylefthand…mythumbrubbingovertheemptyringfinger

indentation.

“Whatisit?”

“Myring!It’sgone!”Ishrieked.IbecamefranticasIrealizedmyengagementringwasmissing.It

couldonlybeinoneplace…

ChapterThree

Shit,shit,shit.

Williamwasgoingtobehomeinacoupleofdays,andIcouldn’triskhimseeingmewithoutit.

He’daskmeaboutit,andI’dhavetomakeupsomestupidlie,whichwouldjustaddtothestackofliesI

wouldalreadybecarryingaround.

Iswallowed.IwasgoingtohavetocallAlex.

Aftertakingashowerandscrubbingmyentiresinfulbodyoff,Idressedandgrabbedtheslipof

paperwithAlex’snumberonit.

ItappedmyfootanxiouslyasIsatontheedgeofmybed,takingdeep,shallowbreaths.Ijustneeded

todoit.Getitoverwith.Callhim.

Myfingersnervouslyhoveredoverthedigitsofmyphone.Ifeltoddlyeagertohearhisvoiceagain,

butalsoscaredashell.Hisvoicedidthingstomybodymymindcouldn’tcontrol.

BeforeIdialedhisnumber,aglimpseofournighttogethersurfaced…

“Whatisityouwantfromme?”Iaskedbluntly.IneededtoknowbecauseIwasnotabouttolead

thisguyon.Heseemedalmosttoogoodtobetrue,andthelastthingIwantedtodowassendoutthe

wrongmessage.

“Well,ifIwerehonest,whichIalmostalwaysam…Iwantyou.Iwantyoursweatybody

underneathme,againstme.IwantyoureyestolookupintomineasIlayaboveyou,fuckingyouhard

andfast.”Mybodyquivered,jerkingathisbluntresponse.“Iwanttofeelhowtightyourpussyis,how

wetyouareforme.IwanttosuckonyourtitsasIhearyouscreammynamebecause,holyhell,it’sso

damnsexy.”IswallowedhardasIwrappedmybrainaroundhiswords—wordsIhadn’theardinso

long.“ItoldyouIwashonest,”hewhisperedintomyearagain.

Iwasn’tsurehowtorespond,butassoonasIclearedmymind,thealcoholtookoverforme.

Ispunaroundandlockedmyarmsaroundhisneck.Helookedatme,tookmein.Hismouthwas

firm,tense.Ianalyzedhisfacialfeaturesandhowdelicioushelooked.Mybodyfeltonfire,burning

andachingbetweenmylegsasIrepeatedhiswordsinmymind.

Whydidhiswordshaveaneffectonme?Iwasn’tsupposedtoletsomeoneelsesaythosethingsto

me,touchme,andbegme.Icravedit—hiswords,thelookhewasgivingme—mybodywascravingit

all,anditdidn’tmakeanysensetome.

“Stop,”hesaidfirmly,gainingmyattentionback.“Stopoverthinking,Mac.What’syourbody

tellingyou?”

Isuckedinabreath,tooembarrassedtotellhim.“Idon’tknow.”

Hislipscurvedupintoadevilishsmirk.“You’reahorribleliar,Mac.”Hepulledmeincloser,

ourchestscolliding.Thetopofmyheadreachedjustunderhischin,makingoureyesdisconnect.

“Howdoyouknow?”Iasked.Iwasonlyvaguelyawarethatwewereinfactnotalone.Themusic

anddancingbodiessurroundedus,butitdidn’tfeelthatway.Iwasonhighalertforeverywordhe

saidandeverymovementhisbodymade.

Hegrabbedmychinandtilteditsowewereeye-levelagain.Hebrushedthepadofhisthumb

overmyjawashesaid,“BecauseI’mgoodatreadingbodylanguage.Yourbody’shot.Youhaven’t

stoppedblushingsinceyou’vemetme,andIcansmellyourarousalfromwayuphere.Yournipplesare

hardandpressingthroughthisthinmaterialyoucalladress.Youreyesaretense,asisyourmouth.

Yourbodycan’tstoptrembling,andeverytimeyouspeak,smallmoansescapeyourthroat.Yourbody

isfuckingbeggingforit,Mac.”

Iswallowedagain,shockedandembarrassed.Hereadmelikeadamnbook,feelingeverythingI

wastryingtohide.

Ineededtofindoutformyself.

“Kissme,”Isaid.“Kissmerightnow.”

Bothofhishandscuppedmyface,nearlycoveringitcompletelywiththesizeofthem.Mybreath

hitchedashecoveredmymouthwithhis,pressinghislipstomine.Theyweresoft,warmlikehoney.I

grabbedaholdofhiswrists,clenchingtohimashiskisssparkedmyentirebody.Ifelthighasifthis

feelingwasn’tnatural,yetitwasovertakingmyentirebody.

Histonguemetmine,dancinginrhythmaswestoodinthemiddleofthedancefloor.Hiskiss

consumedme,hismouthtakingchargeofme.Heincreasedhispace,deepeninghisdesireasIheldon

foreverythinghewasgivingme.

Ifeltajoltofenergystrikethroughmeasourmouthscollided,bothpantingwithheavybreaths

andheatedair.

Hetastedlikebourbon,oakyandsweet.Hiscolognewasn’toverbearing,butbeingthisclose,I

couldsmellthemuskyscentmixedwiththealcoholandthecleansmellofhissoap.Ourbodieswere

meshedintoonebigbodyofhandsandmouths.

AndnowIcouldn’tstop.OnetasteandIwantedit.Wantedhim.

Ifelthumiliatedandalittlehotatthememory.Ihadn’tpushedhimaway,infact,Iinsisted.

Itdidn’tmatterthough.ItcouldneverturnintoanythingandnowIjustneededtogetthisoverwith.

IfinallydialedhisnumberandtriedtostaycalmasIhearditring.

“Hello?”Hisvoicewasdeep,causingaslightthrilltorundownmybody.

Ifroze.Icouldn’tmakethewordscomeout,andmythroatwassuddenlydryandincapableof

formingwords.

“Hellooooo?”heaskedagain,aslightannoyanceinhistone.

“H-hi…”Isqueaked,tightlyclosingmyeyesasarushofembarrassmentshotthroughme.“Hi,”I

saidagain,moreclearlyandstable.“It’sMac.”

“Mac?”heaskedsurprised,hisvoicelacedwithhappyamusement.“Whatasurprise.”

“Yeah,Iknow.I’msorrytobotheryou,I—”

“Oh,sweetheart,you’dneverbotherme.”Icouldhearthesmirkinhistone.“WhatcanIdofor

you?”

“I,um…isthereanychanceIleftanythinginyoursuite?I’mmissingsomethingandit’stheonly

placeIcanthinkofIwould’vehavelostit.”Ibitmylip,nervously,hopinghe’dalreadyfoundit,andI

wouldn’thavetobespecific.

“Whatexactlydidyoulose,babe?Panties?Bra?Iwashopingthatwasapartinggift.”

“Ohmygod…”Iblushedalthoughhecouldn’tseeme.“No,itwasaringactually.”

“Aring?Couldyou…describethisring?”Hisvoicewasthickwithamusement.Hewastorturingme

andheknewit.

“Itwasawhitegoldband.Diamond.Arather…largediamond,”Isaid,cringingasheprobably

knewexactlywhattypeofringitwas.

“Anengagementring?”

Iexhaled,hatingthatIhadtoevenhavethisconversation.“Yes.”

Herespondedquicklywithnoemotioninhisvoice.“Sorry,babe.I’venotseenyourengagement

ring.However,I’lllookaroundandcallyouifIfindit.”

“Great,thankyou,”Ireplied,feelingself-conscious.Ifelttheneedtoexplain,butwhatdoyousayto

yourone-nightstandthatnevershould’vehappenedinthefirstplace.“Alex…I’msorry,”wastheonly

thingIcouldthinkof.

“Mac,youhavenothingtobesorryfor.”Hesoundedgenuine,butIstillfeltbad.

“Ido.Ishouldn’thavedrunkthatmuchandleadyoutobelieve…”

“Mac…stop.Youdon’thavetoapologize.Trustme.Lastnight…”Hepaused.Icouldhearhisheavy

breathsasifitpainedhimtohearthewords.“Idon’twantyoutoapologize.”

“You’reareallygreatguy,Alex.AndI’mnotjustsayingthat.Iwishthingsweredifferent.Butsince

theyaren’t,thishastoendhere.Imean,ofcourse,unlessyoufindmyring,”Irambled,hopinghe’dhear

mylamehumor.

Helaughedlightly,makingmybodyrelaxatthesoundofhislaughter.Itwasdeep,gravely,andso

sexy.“Goodbye,Mac.”

Isighed.Evenhisgoodbyesoundedsweet.“Bye,Alex.”

WILLIAMCALLEDTOletmeknowhe’dbearrivinghomesoon.It’donlybeenacoupleofdayssince

wakingupinastranger’shotelroom,butIwasreadytoforgetitandmoveon.Itwasamistake.One

fuckinghotmistake.

Ilookedinthemirroragain,makingsureIdidn’thavetheword‘guilty’writtenallovermyforehead

oranything—becauseit’sallI’vebeenfeelingsincearrivingbackhome.

Istoodanxiouslyinthefoyer,repositioningtheantiqueglassvasethat’scenteredonthefive-

thousand-dollarcherrytable—forthetenthtime.IwasgrowingaccustomedtoallofWilliam’shigh-

pricedfurniture,butitstillmademeuneasy.IwasalwaysafraidI’dtripandbreaksomethingthat’dcost

morethanmyentirelifesavings.

William’spenthouseapartmentwasontheUpperEastSideandwasadrasticchangefromwhereI

livedbefore.Anevenbiggerchangefrommychildhoodlifestyle.

Iheardhisfootstepsthroughthehall,announcinghisarrival.Thedooropenedandmystomach

somersaultedatthefirstglanceofhim.Hewaswearinghisusualbusinessattire,buthewaswearingmy

favoriteone—aDolce&Gabbana‘Martini’GreyWolf&Silkthree-piecesuit.IsmiledasIrecalledthe

memoryofpickingitoutforhimjustafewmonthsago.

“Welcomehome!”Iwalkedtowardhimandwrappedmyarmsaroundhim.Isunkmyfaceintohis

chestthatsmelledofhisDolce&Gabbanacologne—cedarandspice.Itwascomforting.Justlikehewas.

“Thankyou,darling.”Hekissedthetopofmyhead.“Imissedyou.”

Itiltedmyheadtolookupathim.Hewasagoodteninchestallerthanmyfive-foot-threesize,

whichalwaysmademefeelsmallandpreciousaroundhim.“Imissedyou,too.”Itwastrue.He’donly

beengoneforfourdays,butWilliamworkedalot.Hewasgonemorethanhewashome,soImadesure

tosoakupallthetimewecouldspendtogether.

“Everythinggosmoothly?”heasked,backingawayslightly.Iletgoofmygripashebegantowalk

throughtheapartment.

Ifollowedbehindandanswered,“Yes,great.”Itriedtohidetheanxietyinmyvoice.I’dnevertell

himwhathappened.Itwasamistake,andI’dneverputmyselfinthatpositionagain.Andnomatterhow

manytimesIreplayedAlex’slastkissinmyhead,myheartracedwithbetrayalanddesire.Itwaswrong,

butmybodydisagreed.

Stacitriedcomfortingme,makingsureIcoveredallmybasessoIwouldn’toutmyself.Ifasked,we

partiedatClubLeBainallnightandthentookacabtoBrittainy’sapartmentwherewestayedfor

breakfastthenextday,andIarrivedhomemid-afternoon.

WilliamandIatedinnerincasualconversation.Itoldhimaboutworkandhetoldmeabouthis

businesstrip.Itwaseasy.EverythingwithWilliamwaseasy,exceptsociety.Theydidn’tapproveofus

beingtogether,butwewereinlove.ImeantitwhenIsaidthosethreewordstohimayearago.Iwas

young,butIknewIneverfeltsaferwhenIwaswithhim.

Welayonthecouchtogetherinfrontofthefireplaceuntilteno’clock.Itwasarareoccasionhegave

mehistimeafterdinner,soIwasmorethancontenttositinsilenceanddonothing.Williamranseveral

businesses.Heboughtandsoldtheminparts,dividingtheassetsformoremoneytothehighestbidder.

Irestedmyheadonhisshoulderashisarmwrappedaroundmywaist.Ilookedoverathim,

admiringhisstrong,darkfeatures.Hishairwasadarkshadeofbrown,trimmed,andstyledwell.For

beinginhislateforties,hedidn’tlookhisagewithhisverycalculatedandpreciseappearance.

Oncethenewshadgonepublicweweredating,IfoundoutthepresstaggedhimasManhattan’s

mosteligiblebachelor.Bythestreamingnumberofwomenwhohadnoreservationsofcommentingabout

hisrelationshipstatus,Ihadnodoubtitwastrue.Whenthepressfirstheardhewasdatingsomeonehalf

hisage,theyreportedhowIwasaslutty,youngerwomanwhowasonlywithhimforhismoneyand

popularity.TheyusedtheirassumptionsandignoranceinfindingoutwhoIreallywasinordertoblast

headlines.However,Ihadn’tevenheardofWilliamLancasteruntilmybossmentionedhewascomingin

forameetingatBoxymagazinewhereIwasinterning.Ihadnoideaasimplemeetingwouldleadtothe

fateIwasnowlivingin.

ChapterFour

Ifelthismouthonme,theheat,andwetnessofhislipsdevouringmeashishandsroamedmybody.I

moaned,lovingthewayhishandsfeltonme.“God,Mac.Youtastelikefuckingheaven.”Hisdeepgrowl

turnedmeon,buildingarousalbetweenmythighs.Hisscenthitme,acombinationofwhiskeyandbody

wash.

Iinhaleddeeply,lovingthewayitlingeredintheair.“Yousmellsogood,”Isaidashishands

continuedroamingupanddownthelengthsofmyarm.Theywereliftedabovemyheadandpressed

firmlyagainstthewall.HewastakinghistimewithmeeventhoughIcouldtellhewasreadytotakeallof

me.

“Howdoyouwantit?”heasked,makingmeblushinresponse.“Tellmewhatyoulike…”he

demanded,nuzzlinghisnosealongsidemyjawline.

“Hard.Rough.Hot.”Ifelthisbodytrembleagainstmine.Hebitmyneckandgroaned.

“JesusChrist,Mac.You’reeveryman’sversionofaperfectfantasy.”

“Whatdoyouwanttodowithme?”Iasked,hopingwhateveritwaswouldhappennow.

Hegrowled.Ihadfeltthevibrationsagainstmyskinbeforehehadevenresponded.“Iwanttosink

sofuckingdeepinsideyou,Mac,you’llfeelmycockfordays.”Ishivered.

“Alex…”Iwhimperedashecontinuedworkingmyneck.Hehummedinresponse.“Fuckme.I’ll

beg,but—”Ididn’tgetachancetofinishmyplea.Hegrippedthecheeksofmyassandstoodupwithmy

legswrappedtightlyaroundhim.

“Areyousure,Mac?Ineedyoutobesure.”

“Yes,yes.God,yes,”Inearlyscreamed.Heslammedmybackagainstthewall,hishipssecuringus

togetherashebroughtmyarmsupovermyheadandlatchedontomywrists.

“OnceIstart,Iwon’tbeabletostop,”hegrowledagain.Icouldhearthedesperationinhistoneand

Ilovedit.Ididn’twanthimtostop.Iwassoakingwetjustthinkingabouthowhe’dfeelinsideme.

IJOLTEDAWAKE,sittingupinbedasIpanted.Mybodywascoveredinnightsweats,andIcouldfeel

mypantieswetinbetweenmylegs.IturnedtoseeWilliamsleepingonhissidepeacefully.

Ohgod…

Iclosedmyeyes,tryingtoregulatemybreathing.Ipulledthecoversoffandslippedoutofbed.I

tiptoedtothekitchentograbaglassofwater.

FlashesofAlexwerecomingtothesurface…memoriesofournight.MemoriesofwhatIhaddone.

Theguiltwaseatingmeupinside.

Igulpedthewaterdowninamatterofseconds,finallycalmingdown.Afterwakingupwithno

memory,Ihadn’texpectedtorememberanythingfromthatnight.Ihadshovedthewholethinginasecret,

never-to-be-openeddrawerinmyhead.Butnowmemoriesofthatnightweresurfacingandhauntingmein

mysleep.

Iclenchedmyeyesshuttightly,hopingtopushthememoriesaway.Ididn’twanttoremember.Not

anymore.Icouldn’t.

Buttheyfoughtbackandresurfacedanyway.Mybodywasrespondingtothevisual,heatbuildingup

inbetweenmylegsasIthoughtaboutAlexandwhatwe’ddone—orwhatIhadremembered.

Hisbodywasagainstmine,pressinghishardandthickerectionagainstme.Icouldfeelthe

smoothnessofhisskin,thewarmthofhisbreathashewhisperedagainstmyearandneck.

AchillrandownmyspineasIthoughtaboutthedream—thememoryofthatnight.Oh,god…itwas

turningmeon.Itwasfuckinghot,andnowIwishedIcoulddosomethingaboutit.

Iputtheemptyglassinthesinkandwalkedquietlybacktobed.TherewasnowayIwaswaking

Williamup.That’dbewrong,sowrong.Ilayinbedwithmyhandonmylowerstomach,mypussy

throbbingandclenchingwithneed.ItriedpushingthethoughtsofAlexawayandtofocusonmy

relationshipwithWilliam.Butitwasn’thappening.Thedreamwasrepeatingoverandoverinmyhead.

Thewayhishandsfelt.Thewayhislipsfeltpressedagainstmine.God,hislipswereincredible.And

then,justtotorturemyselfsomemore,IthoughtaboutthekissIactuallydidremember—theonehestole

rightbeforeIleft.

HadInotbeenengaged,Iwould’vetakenhimuponeverysingleofferhemade.One-nightstandor

not,Iwould’vebeenwillingtomakethatintoamultiple-nightstand.

Icrossedmylegs,hopingtorelievetheachepulsingthroughme.God,Ineededit.

Fuckit.

Iroamedmyhanddownfurtherunderneathmypantiesandcircledafingerovermyclit.Itriedto

concealmycries,buttheachewasgettingmoreandmoreintense.Ipalmedmypussyinhopestorelieve

thepleasurebuildingup.Ibitmyliptoholdbackthemoans,butIcouldn’tcontrolit.Mybodywastaking

over.Anditwasgreedy.

WilliamstartedmovinginhissleepandIfroze.Ididn’twanttowakehimup.Iknewhehadtobeup

earlyandifIwokehimupforsex,Iwasn’tsurehowhe’dreact.

Herolledovertowardme.MyeyeswidenedasIsunkafingerinside,needingtoreleasethepainful

acheIhadbuiltup.Anarmflungovermychestashepulledmeincloser,hisnosetrailingovermyneck

andtomyear.“Iknowwhatthosesoundsare,Mackenzie,”hesaidinhisdeep,authoritativetone.I

swallowed,blushinglikeIhadjustbeencaughtdoingsomethingwrong.“Letmehelpyou,darling.”

Heloweredhisarmandgrabbedmyhand,pullingitoutfrommypanties.IwassoembarrassedI’d

beencaught.I’dnevertouchedmyselfinfrontofanyonebeforeanditfeltlikebeingcaughtwithmyhand

inthecookiejar.

“Ididn’tmeantowakeyou…”Istarted,feelingguiltythatIwasdisturbinghissleep.

“Youshould’vewokenme,”hesaiddirectly.“I’llalwaystakecareofyou,darling.Letme.”He

leanedincloser,sinkingtwofingersinsideofme,fillingmeupcompletelyjustlikeIneeded.

“Mm…”Imoaned,archingmyback.“Yes,there…”

Heassaultedmyneckwithhismouth,trailingkissesupanddownmyjawandcollarbone.Heshifted

hisbodyweightandbeganmovingdownmychest.Hespeduphispace,buildingupthetensionfasterand

harder.Oh,god…IwasgoingtocomethinkingofthedreamIhadwithanotherman!Thiswassofucking

wrong.

Icouldn’tallowmyselftofeelguiltyforlongasherippedanorgasmfromme.Myhandsclenched

thesheetsasherubbedthepadofhisthumbovermyclit,notlettingmybodyrelaxforlong.

“Wow…”Igasped.Iwassurprisedhewokeup,butIwasevenmoresurprisedhe’dwantedtojoin

meinthefirstplace.

Itwasn’tthatoursexlifewasdull,buthewaspickyabouthissleepschedule.Hedidn’tgenerally

interruptitforanything.

Hethrewthecoversoffmeandpulledmeunderneathhim.Hetoweredoverme,rippingmyshorts

downmylegsandhimquicklydiscardinghis.“Hangon,darling.You’reallworkedup,andI’mgoingto

makesureyougobacktosleepsatisfied.”Hespreadmylegsopenwithhiskneeandpushedinsideme.I

wassoakingwetwithmyarousalandassoonasIfelthim,Iwasreadytocomealloveragain.Iwanted

himtofuckmehard.Iwanteditroughandemotionless.Iwantedhimtofuckallthememoriesaway.As

messedupasitsounded,IwantedhimtopunishmeforwhatIhaddone.

“Doitfastandhard,William,”Ipleaded.

Heleanedbackonhiskneesandpulledbothofmylegsup,wideningthemasfarapartashecould.

HeleanedhisbodybackovermineanddidexactlyasIhadasked.Icameagainwithahardreminderthat

Iwashisandhewasmine.Thiswashowitwasmeanttobe.Hesavedme,andIowedhimeverything.

ITEXTEDSTACIassoonasIwokeup.Icouldn’tstopthinkingaboutAlexandhowbadIhadmessed

up.Ifeltguilty,butanotherpartofmefeltintrigued.

Whowasthisguy?

HowhadhemanagedtoaffectmeinsuchashortamountoftimeandwhyhadIallowedhimin?

Ihadanothermemoryof…thatnight…itwasstartingtohauntmeinmydreams!Itypedout,

knowingshe’dcheckherphonefirstthingonceshewokeup.WhatthehellamIgoingtodo?!

Sheendeduprespondingtwentyminuteslater.Shewasagraphicdesignerandworkedfromhome,

butwemanagedtostayincontactthroughoutthedayifweneededto.

I’moverherestilltryingnottofreakoutatthewholesituation…:/

Isighedandfranticallymovedmyfingerstotextherback.That’snothelping!

Sorry!It’sjustso…notyou.I’mactuallyquiteimpressed.;-)

Ihateyou.

No,youdon’t.So…washebig?

IaboutspitmyjuiceoutofmymouthasIreadherlasttext.I’mheadingtoworknow.BYE.

FRIDAYMORNINGSWEREthebestandtheworst.

Itmeantitwasmylastdayofworkfortheweek,butalso,thelongest.Fridayswereprepdaysfor

thefollowingweek,andwedidn’tleavetheofficeuntilitwascompletelyfinished.Theywerealsofor

finalizingblogpostsandarticles,catchinguponemailsandmakingsureeverythingwassetinplacefor

thenextweek.

Williamwasupandoutoftheapartmentbeforemyalarmevenwentoff.Ihardlyheardhim

anymore.Foramanwho’dbeensingleforquitesometimebeforeme,hewassureconsideratewhileI

continuedtosleep.Iespeciallylovedthatabouthim.

“Goodmorning,MissHewitt.”Myassistant,Chelsea,lookedupatmewithbright,eagereyes.She

wasmyintern—shewasmejustayearandahalfago.Iwasquiteeasyonherbutmadesureshelearned

justlikeIhadtodo.

IstillworkedforLaura,exceptnowIwaspaidmoreandworkedlongerhours.WhenWilliamandI

startedbeingnoticedbythepublic,andarticlesandpicturesofussurfacedintheNYPost,she

immediatelyhiredmeon.Iwasoffendedatfirst,upsetthatmoneyandpopularitywerebumpingmy

careerup,butIknewIhadworkedhardforit.Ihadgottenmyselfintothisprogramonmyown,soforthat

reason,Iwasproudandacceptedanythingsheofferedme.Ididn’twanttobeoneofthosegirls—the

oneswhoonlygotjobsorfamebytheirfamilyname,orinmycase,myfiancé’sname,butIwasn’tabout

tobackaway.FashionwasmylifeandIdesperatelyneededthebreak.

OnceIbecameherfull-timeassistant,Ineededaninternassistant.Icouldn’tmanageeverythingon

myown.Iwasstillbuildingmycareer,hopingtomoveupthefashionmagazineindustryevenmore.I

hopedtoassistinthefashiondecisionsandrunwaychoices.Someday.Iwassureofit.

“Morning,Chelsea,”Igreetedbackasshehandedmemytriplegrandeskinnyvanillalatte.Iwasa

coffeeaddictandnotlookingforhelpanytimesoon.

“Yourscheduleisonyourdesk,andMr.Lancasterleftamessageforyou.”Shehandedmeafolded

uppieceofpaper.Ismiledandgrabbedit,thankingherasIwalkedintomyoffice.

OntopofworkingunderLaura,IwasalsotryingtolearnandengageasmuchasIcould.Istayedfor

allthemeetings,alltheclothingops,andboringdiscussions.Iwasdeterminedtohaveasuccessfulcareer

nomatterwhat.

WilliamtoldmeIcouldquitoncewegotmarried.Actually,he’dtoldmetoquitalready,butIsaid

hellno.It’ssomethingwe’recompromisingonbecauseIwon’tgivethatpartofmyindependenceup.I’ve

gonethroughtoomuchandworkedtoohardtosaythehellwithit.Plus,Ilovedtalkingaboutfashionand

beingaroundclothesandshoesallday.ItwassomethingIwasusedtostaringatalotwhenIwasachild.

MymotherandIwouldwalkpaststores,theoneswithclotheshangingontoo-skinnymannequinsandI’d

onlydreamofwearingsomethinglikethat.She’dyankonmyhandandtellmetostopfantasizing…“Stop

dreamingaboutsomethingthat’stoofaroutofyourreach.You’llonlyendupdisappointed.”

Toapoint,shewasright.Butthatonlymademewanttoworkharder.

ChapterFive

WilliamandIhaddinnerplansatVivoloRestaurantforameeting.Hehadthemregularly,soIknewthe

routine.We’ddressup,drinkwine,andhavecasualconversation.Iwentforsupportmorethananything

unlessitwasmutualfriendsofours.However,moreoftenthannot,itwasforbusiness.

AsIrummagedthroughmyclosetforsomethingtowear,IlandedonthedressIworethenight

Williamproposedtome—itwasanavybluecocktaildresswithaprincessnecklineandImatcheditwith

silverheels.WewereeatingPrime333whenhepoppedthequestionoverdessert.Itwasn’toverly

flashy,butthat’snotwhohewas.Therestaurantwasablendofsexyandromantic.Itwasjusthimandme,

enjoyingnaturalconversationwhenhebeganhisspeech…

Darling…

Sinceyou’vewalkedintomylife,orrather,slammedintomychest,myworldhasbeenrocked

upsidedown.

Ihadn’tfeltthiskindofhappinessinyearsandnowthatIhaveit,Idon’teverwanttoletitgo.

IrememberedIwasshaking;nervesandanxietyovercamemeashesaidhisfinalwords.

MackenzieLaurenHewitt…HepausedbrieflytobenddownononekneeanddisplayedaTiffany&

Co.’sblueboxinhishand.Iloveyou.Iwanttospendtherestofourlivestogether.Hiseyesremained

lockedonmineasheslowlyopenedtheboxandasked,Wouldyoudothehonorofmarryingme?

Iwasnearlyintearsbythetimehefinishedhisbeautifulwords.Despitehishigh-profilecareerand

popularity,Williamwasasimpleman.Hewascontentandhappywithoutmakingahugefuss.Sohis

speechblewmeawaybecausehewasn’tonetoexpresshimselflikethat.Hetoldmehelovedmeand

heldmeclose,buthewasn’toverlyemotional.

Iscreamed,shockedbyhiswords,andsaid,“Yes,ofcourse!”

Imovedinshortlyafter.Hesaidhewantedmecloseasweplannedourweddingandfuturetogether.

Althoughhewasn’tsomuchontheweddingplanningwagon,he’ddefinitelybeeninonthebuildingour

livestogetherpart.

“DARLING,AREYOUalmostready?”IheardhimcallfromthelivingroomasIstaredatmyselfinthe

mirror,rememberingthatnightsovividly.

“Yes,bejustanotherminute!”Icalledback,loopingmyearringsthrough.Igrabbedmynecklace

nextandbeganpullingitaroundmyneckwhenIfeltWilliam’shands.

“Letme.”Ismiledathiminthemirrorashegrabbedthechainoutofmyfingers.Ibrushedmyhair

outofhiswayashecontinued,“Thislooksgorgeousonyou.”

“Iwashopingyou’dlikeit.”Iwatchedhimsmirkinthemirror.

“Iloveit.It’sgorgeous…”Heclampedthechainandletitfalldownmyneck.“Justlikeyou.”He

kissedmesweetlyonthecheek.

Ismiledatthemanbehindme.Hereallywasspecial.Sohumble,sogenuine.Ihopedlifewithhim

wouldalwayscomethisnatural.

“Ready,love?”Hiseyesdidaquickglancedownmydress.“Ilovethisdressonyou.”

Williamboughtboththenecklaceanddressforme.“Thankyou.Youhavebeautifultaste.”Iturned

aroundandwrappedmyarmsaroundhim.

“Oryoujustmakeitbeautiful.”Hekissedthetopofmynoseandbegantowalkawayashe

continued,“We’regoingtobelateifwedon’tleaveintwominutes,”heremindedme.

Ibroughtmyarmsdownandscannedtheroom.“I’lljustputmyshoesonandthenI’mready.Could

yougrabmyclutchforme?”Iasked,sittingonthebed.

Hebroughtittomeandcaughtmeoffguardashecuppedmyjaw.“Imeanit,Mac.You’regorgeous.

Waytoogorgeousforamanlikeme.”

Ishovedmyfeetintotheshoesandgrabbedtheclutchoutofhishand.Ididn’tknowwhattosaysoI

didn’tsayanythingatall.Ilethimtakemyhandandhelpmestand,lookingintothedepthsofhiseyes.He

wasastrongman,butsomethingdeepinsidewashurting.Ididn’tknowmuchabouthischildhood,buthe

wasn’texactlyforthcomingaboutit.Ineverpressuredhimandhebarelyaskedaboutmine.Itwasjustone

ofthosesubjectsneitherofuswaswillingtodiscuss,andIwasokaywiththat.Ididn’tneedtoknowall

thosedetails.AslongasIknewwhohewasnow,thatworkedjustfineforme.

WEARRIVEDATVivoloatsevenforty-five.WilliamwasalwaysearlyandIlovedhimforit.Itried

mybesttonottaketoolonggettingready,butIappreciatedamanwhotookbeingontimeseriously.

Heescortedmein,placinghishandgentlyonthesmallofmyback.Wewereletrightinandtoldthat

ourguesthadn’tarrivedyet.Williamnoddedhisthanks.Hethenledmein,pullingmychairoutforme

oncewegottoourtable.

TheserverwaitedforWilliamtositdownacrossfrommebeforetellingusthenight’sfoodand

winespecials.Williamorderedusabottleandthewaitergentlyplacedourmenusinfrontofus.

“I’llberightbackwithyourwine,sir.”

Williamthankedhimandkepthiseyesonthemenu.

“Darling?”Iasked,gettinghisattention.

“Yes?”heanswered,keepinghisheadlow.

“Canyoupleaseremindmewhowe’remeetingwithtonight?”Iaskedcasually,hopinghewouldn’t

getupsetfornotremembering.

“Myson,remember?HejustarrivedafewdaysagofromEurope.”

Iswallowed.That’sright.Ihadforgotten.

“Oh,right.”Ismiled,staringatmymenufirmly.Iwasn’tatallprepared.Mainlybecausehisson

wasmyageandthatwasjustabittooweird,butIknewI’dhavetomeethimeventually.Iknewhe’d

beenstudyingoverseasthepastfewyearsandhadjustreturnedbackhome.IrememberedWilliam

mentioningit,butit’dbeenweeksagoandI’dcompletelyforgotaboutit.Ihadn’tputmuchthoughtintoit

andnowIwasgoingtohavetogivemybestfirstimpressiontosomeonewhoprobablywantednothingto

dowithme.

Iknewhowitlooked.Daddyengagedtosomeunknowngirlhalfhisage…hewasprobablythinking

thesamethingallthetabloidsweresaying—Iwasagold-diggingwhoreonlyafterhismoney.Theyoften

forgottomentionIhadasuccessfulcareerandwasinvolvedinmyowncharitablework.

OnceIturnedeighteenandmovedtothecity,IwentbacktoschoolandgotmyGED.Ididn’tattend

enoughdaysinanyhighschooltomeritmydiploma,butIhadbeendeterminedtofinish.Ievengotmy

associatesinfashiondesignandtechnology.Itookmyselffromnothingandcarvedapathforabetter

lifestyle,butthatdidn’tsellmagazines.Labelingmeasapartying-hussywhomanagedtoland

Manhattan’smosteligiblebachelormademeaslutintheireyes.

“Don’tbenervous,darling.Alexanderwilladoreyou,I’msure.”Helookedupfromhismenuand

flashedmeagenuinesmile.“Buthe’slate…asalways.”Iheardthedisapprovingtoneinhisvoiceand

triedtohidemysmile.

“Actually,I’mrightontime.”Iheardadeepvoicewithahintofannoyancebehindme.AvoiceI’ve

heardbefore.

No,no,no.Itcouldn’tbe.

Myheartbeganracing,myskinheated,andmybodywassuddenlygluedtomychairunwillingto

turnaroundandcomefacetofacewithhim.

Alex.

Mybackwastowardhim,sohehadn’tseenmyfaceyet.Williamstoodtogreethim,shakinghis

hand,andtellinghimhowgooditwastoseehimagain.FromwhatIknew,theydidn’thavethebest

relationship,butWilliamhadmentionedawhileagohowhe’dliketotryandrepairtheirrelationship

oncehearrivedbackhome.

Iwashyperventilating.Mybreathingwasshallow,andIfeltdizzy.

Getittogether,Mac.Otherwise,you’llcompletelygiveyourselfaway,Iremindedmyself.

Itookonedeepbreath,andwithwhateverstrengthIhappenedtomusterup,Ipushedmychairback

andstoodup.

“Alexander,I’dlikeyoutomeetmyfiancée,MackenzieHewitt.”IfeltWilliam’sarmonmeandI

turnedaround,meetingAlex’sdeep,intenseeyes.

Actnormal…actnormal,ImentallychantedjustbeforeseeingtheonemanIhopedtoneverhaveto

seeagain.

Iplasteredonabig,fakesmileandpushedmyhandout.“It’sapleasuretomeetyou,Alexander.

Williamhastoldmemanygreatthingsaboutyou.”

Thecornerofhislipscurledupinpureamusement.Hiseyesrestedonmineashetookmyhandin

his,wrappingitdelicatelyaroundmine.“Thepleasureisallmine,Mackenzie.”

Themomentourhandstouched,electricityshotthroughme.Myheartracedfaster,andIwassuremy

eyeshaddilated.Thiscouldnotbehappening…

Hedippedhisheadandplacedagentlekissonmyhand,squeezingitjustbeforebringinghisface

backuptomine.Hiseyesburnedintomewithasilentsecretwebothknew.Butneitherofuswouldsay

anything.

“Please,sit,”Williaminsisted,takingastepbacktowardhischair.Alexsatnexttohimandas

Williampulledmychairoutformeonceagain,IcouldfeelAlex’seyesonme.Ipulledmychairinand

keptmyheaddown,tryingtoavoidanyandalleyecontact.Mybodywastrembling,butIwasattempting

togetaholdofmyself.Icouldn’tmakeascene.

“Howwasyourtrip,son?”Williamaskedashetookaseatacrossfromme,pattinghimgentlyonthe

shoulder.

Igrabbedmymenuagain,gluingmyeyestoit.I’dletthemhavetheirchatandpretendIdidn’texist.

Yes,goodplan.

“Itwasgreat.But…I’mreallygladtobehome.”Iheardahintofamusement,hisvoicefilledwith

condescendingtorture.Oh,god.

“Goodtohear.”

“Tookafewdaystogetoverthejetlag,butthehotelhasbeenvery…accommodatingwhileI

waitedformybelongingstoshipover.”

“Greatnews.It’sgoodtohaveyouhomeonthesamecontinent.”William’svoicewasgenuine,butI

hadn’teveraskedmuchabouttheirrelationship.Mainlybecausehedidn’ttalkaboutit.Williamwasa

veryprivateperson.Hegrewupwealthyandhadlearnedatayoungagetokeepthingsinbecausehe

neverknewwhomhecouldtrust.Moneygaveyoulabels—whichIhated—butWilliamwasusedtoit.I

wasstillgettingtousetoit,notsureI’devergetusedtoit,butwhenyouhavemoney—ormarryinto

money—peopletendtohaveexpectations.Thelessthepublicknew,thebetter.

“Yeah,itfeelsnicetobebackhomeagain,”Alexstated.Mythroatsuddenlywentdry,soIreached

formyglassofwatersincetheserverhadn’tarrivedwithourwineyet.“I’vebeenlookingforwardto

movingback.”

“Yourroomwillalwaysbeyours,son,”IheardWilliamsay.Atthatprecisemoment,thewaterin

mymouthspewedoutinfrontofmeasIchokedonAlexandWilliam’sexchange.

“Youallright,sweetheart?”Williamreachedacrosstotenderlygraspmyhand.

Ibroughtmyotherhandupandpattedagainstmychestacoupletimesbeforesaying,“Yes,I’mfine.

Justwentdownthewrongway.”

Alex’seyeslockedonmine,awickedgrinplayingonhisdeliciouslips.

Shit,no.

Nolookingathislips.

Ohmygod…

Realizationjustsunkin…Alexwasmyfuturestepson!Ifeltlikevomiting.Iwasgoingtobesick.

“I’mgoingtousetheladiesroom.I’llberightback,”ItoldWilliam,placingmynapkinontopofmy

menu.“Ordermethejumboshrimpinvodkasauce,darling.Extrasauce,please.”

Hegaveacurtnodbeforestandingupwithme,Alexfollowinghislead.“I’lljustbeamoment.”I

leanedinandkissedWilliam’scheekbeforeroundingthetableandheadingforthenearestrestroom.

Irubbedahanddownmydress,mypalmssweatingprofusely.Ifoundtheladiesroomandlocked

myselfinside.

Ineededtogetmynervesundercontrol…

Afterusingthebathroom,andpattingmyselfdownwithfreshtowels,Ifinallyfeltreadytohead

back.Igavemyselfalamepeptalk,decidingtopretendnothingeverhappenedbetweenAlexandme.It

neverhappened;therefore,therewasnothingtobenervousabout.

Satisfied,Iunlockedthedoorandpulleditopen,walkingintothedimhallwaybacktowardthe

diningroom.Itookaleftbeforeslammingintosomethingsolid—intoafamiliarwallthatsmelledan

awfullotlikesweet,forbiddenyumminess.

Whiskeyandmint.

“Alex…”Isaidjustaboveawhisper.MyhandswerepressedagainsthischestasIspokeintohis

throat.

“Mac…whataninterestingturnofevents.”Ilookedupandhewassmirking.Actuallysmirking!As

ifmyhumiliationwasamusinghim.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Ibackedup,needingspacebetweenus.Hesmelledtoogood.

“Iwascheckinguponyou.You’vebeengoneawhilesoItoldmydadIneededtousetherestroom

andthatI’dkeepaneyeoutforyou.”

“I’mfine…”Ibreathed.“Ijustneededamoment.”Iadjustedmyself,smoothingmyhandsdownmy

dressonceagain.

Mychestwasrisingandfalling,matchingmyracingheartbeat.“Youdon’tlookfine.”

“I’mjustreallysurprised,isall…Ihadnoidea.”Iconcentratedonmybreathing,countingbackward

fromten.

“Mac…lookatme,”hedemanded.Ishookmyhead.Icouldn’tdoit.“Mac.”Hisvoicesounded

desperate,butIcouldn’tfindthewilltoliftmyhead.

Heplacedhisfingersundermychinandliftedmyjawuntiloureyesmet.Hislookedintense,hungry.

Theywerestunning,andIfeltmyselfengagedintheverybeautyofhisdark,intenseeyes.“Mac,”hesaid

again,directingmyattention,“orshouldIcallyouMomnow?”hetaunted,hislipsformingintoateasing

grin.

Ipulledbackfromhishandandslammedmyfistsintohischest.“That’snotfunny!”Iwhispered

loudly.

Hesteppedintome,makingmestepbackward.Hecontinueduntilmybackwasflatagainstthewall.

Hepositionedahandagainstthewallnexttomyhead,smilingdownatme.“It’salittlefunny.”

Ibowedmyhead,beggingmyselfnottocry.“Sure,it’shilarious.I’mthelittleslutwhohadaone-

nightstandonmyfiancé—akind,charming,andnearperfectman.Notonlythat,butalsoit’swithhis

damnson.”Iliftedmyheadtolookathim,asmilenolongeronhislips.“So,yeah…it’sfucking

hilarious!”

“Mac,calmdown,”heurged.Iwasnotinthemoodtobecalm.This…wasnotacalmingsituation.

Ifeltmyfaceheatingandturningred,Iwassure.ThatalwayshappenedwhenIgotoverlyupset.I

couldn’thelpit.“HowamIsupposedtocalmdown,Alex?Iwasnevertoseeyouagainandnowyou’ll

belivinginmyhouse!”Ihissed,tryingtokeepmyvoicelowwhilestillyellingathim.

HeleanedintomeandIwassosurprisedbyhisgesture,Ididn’tevenpushback.“Listen,”hesaid

smoothly,rubbinghisknucklesalongmycheek.“Ilikeyou.Ireallylikeyou.Ournighttogetherwas

incredible,Mac.I’mnotsorryaboutanyofit.TheonlythingIregretisthatyoucan’trememberit.”His

voicewassultry,capturingmewitheverywordhesaid.

“Mackenzie?”IheardWilliam’svoice,andIinstinctivelypushedAlexawayfromme.

“Yes?”Icalledback,standingawayfromAlexandwalkingtowardWilliam’svoice.Hequickly

cameintoviewwithaglassofamberliquid.“Thereyouare,darling.Everythingokay?”heasked,his

eyesmovingsharplytoAlexbehindme.

Iswallowed,wonderinghowbadthisprobablylooked.Ididn’tgettorespondsinceAlexcutin.

“Everything’sgreat.Mackenziewasjustsayingherringhadslippedoffherfinger,andIwashelping

herlookforit.”

Myeyeswidenedinshock.HeknewIdidn’thavemyring.Whywouldhesaythat?

“What?”William’sshockedtoneechoedthroughthehall.

“Youknowchicks,Dad.Theyhavetinywetfingersafterwashingtheirhands.Itprobablyjustfelloff

onherwayout.”

Iturnedaroundandscowledathim.Howdarehe!

“Ah,turnsoutIwasright!”Hebentdownandpretendedtopickitupfromthefloor.Fuckerhadit

thewholedamntime.

Ihadtohidemyanger—soinsteadIthankedhim.

“Oh,thankgoodness!”IflashedasmileatWilliamwholookedpleased.“PerhapsIneeditre-

sized,”Isaidasalameexcuse.

Alexstoodupwiththeringinhishand.“Here,”hesaid,lookingdirectlyatme,heatanddesire

evidentinhiseyes.Istuckoutmyhand,mypalmuprightasIwaitedforhimtogivemethering.Insteadof

droppingitintomyhand,heturnedmypalmaroundandgrabbedmyringfinger.Iswallowedhard.

Thiswasnothappening.

Itriedtopullmyhandback,butWilliamwasstandingbehindme,andIdidn’twanttomakeascene.

Isighed,givingin,andrelaxingmyhandinhis.

Heslippedtheringbackonmyfinger,slowlyandtorturouslywhilekeepingeyecontactwithme.I

wasshootinghimdaggerswhilehecontinuedsmirkingatme.Oncehepusheditallthewayon,he

squeezedmyhandandpatteditgently.

“There.Allbetter,”hesaid,notbotheringtotakeaglanceatWilliam.Itookmyopeningandpulled

myhandbacksharply.

“Thanks,”Igrittedbetweenmyteethandswallowed.

“Darling?”Williamcalled,breakingmyscowlatAlex.“Ourdinnerwillbearrivingsoon.”

“Let’sgo.”Iturnedaroundandsmiledathim,wrappingmyarmthroughhis.Alexwalkedbehindus,

sendingamixtureofgoosebumpsandneedlesupmyarms.Thisnightneededtoendassoonaspossible.

ChapterSix

“So,Mackenzie…Dadtoldmeyouworkinfashion,”AlexsaidjustasIliftedmywineglass.Ourfood

hadarrived,andIwasenjoyingmyshrimpastheytalkedaboutwork.Infact,Ihadfadedtheir

conversationoutuntilIheardmyname.

Iswallowedthewine,gentlyplacingmyglassdownbeforemakingeyecontactwithAlex.“Yes,I’m

afashionbloggeratBoxyMagazine.

“Soyouknowalotaboutdesignerclothes?”heinquired,afreshgrinonhislips.

“Yes,Ido.I’velovedfashionforalongtime.Ijumpedattheopportunitytoworkthere.”

“Soyouknowthedressyou’rewearingcostatleastfourthousanddollars?”

InearlychokedontheshrimpIhadjustforkedintomymouth.Whatthehellwasheuptonow?

“Alexander…”Williamcutin,scoldinghim.“That’shardlyappropriate.”

“Justcheckingoutmyfuturestepmom,Dad,”herepliedinanamusedtone.“Hardnottobelieve

everythingthetabloidssaywhenI’mhalfaworldaway.”

“Youknowthatshitisgarbage.Plus,Mackenzieisn’tanythingtheybringherouttobe.”Heturned

andsmiledatmereassuringly,lettingmeknowhedidn’tbelievethemeither.

“OneweekI’mtoofat,thenextI’mtooskinny,”Icutin.“Theyobviouslyhavenoideawhatthey’re

talkingabout.”

Hiseyesrolleddownmyupperbodyandsmirked.“Well,whoeveriswritingthearticlesmustbe

fuckingblind.”

Iblushedathiswords,wishingIcouldkickhimfromunderthetablewithoutcausingadisturbance.

“It’sallaboutthemoney,Alexander.Whateverwillselltheirdreadfulpaper,”Williamretorted,

focusingonhisplateinfrontofhimwhilehecutintohissteak.

Ibentmyheaddownagain,butIcouldfeelAlex’sgaze.Itwasasiftherewasamagneticcharger

attachedtomybodyandhiseyesweregluedtoit.

Justthen,William’sphonerang,startlingme.“Excuseme,darling.Ihavetotakethis.”Hestoodup

andkissedthetopofmyheadbeforemakinghiswaydownthehall.

IwaiteduntilWilliamwasoutofearshotbeforespeaking.“Stopstaringatme,”Isnarled,not

movingmyeyesasIscrapedmyforkalongsidemyalmostemptyplate.

“WhyshouldI?”

“It’sdistracting.”

“So?”

“SoI’dlikeyoutostop.”Ifinallyliftedmyheadtomeethisdaringeyes.“It’sinappropriatetogawk

atyourfuturestepmom,”Iadded,throwinghiswordsbackathim.

Heburstoutintoquietlaughter,droppinghisforkalongsidehisplate.Hebrushedhisnapkinslowly

acrosshisfacebeforelayingitbackdownandleaningtowardme.“Sweetheart,Iwillneverstoplooking

atyou.AslongasIholdthememoryofus,whatwedid,andhowyourlipstasteagainstmine,Iwill

neverstoplookingatyou.”

Mycheeksheatedathisboldwords.Hewasn’tgoingtomakethiseasyonme.

Offuckingcoursenot.

Asshole.

“Fine…stareallyouwant,Alex.Butit’sneverhappeningagain.Never.Youcanlook,dream,

fantasizeallyouwant.Butit’sWilliam’sbedthatI’llbeintonight.”Itwasabitchthingtosay,buthe

wasn’tgettingmypoint.Hewantedtoplaydirty—I’dplayback.

InsteadofgettingpissedasIhadhoped,heleanedbackinhischairwithanoverly-amusedgrin.

“We’llsee,sweetheart.Ihavenoproblemtakingthequeenawayfromtheking.”

Iscowled.“Idon’tevenknowwhatthatmeans.”

Heleanedtowardmeagainandwhispered,“AccordingtoLife&StyleMagazine,youandWilliam

are“Manhattan’sroyaltycouple,”heexplained.“PrinceWilliammarriedKateMiddleton,agirlnext

door,notfromaroyalbackground.Soundfamiliar?”Hetippedhisheadatme.“ExceptthisWilliamisn’t

goingtomarryhisKate…”

“You’reprettyballsyentertainingmewithallyouremptythreats,”Isnarledrightback.

Beforehecouldrespond,Williamwalkedupbehindme,cuppingmyneckasheleaneddownand

kissedthetopofmyheadagain.“Myapologies.WhatdidImiss?”heaskedashetookhisseatacross

fromme.

AlexandIbothsmiled,minecompletelyfake,asIshookmyheadsaying,“Notmuch.Alexwasjust

talkingabouthistimeinEurope.”

WespenttherestofdinnerandallofdessertlisteningtoAlextalkaboutgraduateschool,his

weekendadventuresandcomparingtheireconomytoours.Itried,forWilliam’ssake,toactinterested,

butIwasreadytogetthehelloutofthere.

“Well,son.Ibelievemyfiancéeisreadytofallasleepatthetable.Ishouldgetherhome.”He

smiledatme,caressingmycheekinasweetmanner.

“Sorry,longweekattheofficehasmeexhausted,”Ilied.

“Noworries.We’llhaveplentyoftimetocatchupwhenAlexmovesinnextweek.”

Huh?Whenwasthatdiscussed?

“Nextweek?”Irepeated.

“Yes,didn’tyoujusthearus?”heaskedatingeofannoyanceinhisvoice.

“No,sorry.GuessI’mmoretiredthanIthought.”

Williamstoodupandgrabbedmyjacketfromtheserverbehindme.Ihadn’tevenseenhimcallhim

over.Shit,Ineededtostayfocused.

“Alex’sthingsarebeingshippedtotheapartment.Heneedssomewheretostaywhilehelooksfora

newplace.Isthatallright?”heaskedwithconcern.

Iloopedmyarmintomyjacket,myheartracingwhilehewaitedformyanswer.

“Absolutely!Themore,themerrier.”Ismiledwide,prayingI’dsuddenlyhaveaheartattackor

something.TherewasnowayIcouldliveinthesamehouseasAlex!

“Great.”Hesmiledinreturn.“He’llkeepyoucompanywhenI’mgonenextweekend.”

“Wonderful,”Isaid,prayingforanythingtopreventthatfromhappening.

Iwasreadytodie.C’mon,God.Ananeurysm?Astroke?Anything,really.I’mnotpicky.

“Makesureyoumakehimfeelathome.It’sbeenafewyearssincehe’slivedthereandcomingback

afterallthattimemightbestrange,”hewhispered,tryingtobediscreet,butAlexheardeveryword.

“I’msureshe’llmakemefeelrightathome,Dad.Noworries.”Hesmirked,pattinghisdadonthe

shoulder.Williamsmiledinapproval,havingnoideaofAlex’stwistedwords.

Williamwrappedhisarmaroundme,guidingustothefront.Iturnedslightlyandscowledbackat

Alex,warninghimtocoolit.Heonlylaughedandmouthed,“Notgonnahappen,sweetheart.”

ISTOODINthebathroominjustalacenighty,staringatmyselfinthemirrorasthememoryofhowImet

Alexthefirsttimeresurfaceinmymind.Mybodytingledandmyheartbegantoraceasflashesofthat

nightstartedtocomebacktome…

AsIdancedtotheupbeatrhythmvibratingthroughthespeakers,Ifeltstronghandsbehindme.

Theycrepttomyhips,movingandgrindingbehindme.Ikeptswaying,invitingthestrangertodance

withme.

“Icouldn’thelpmyself.Youjustlookedsogorgeousdancingallbyyourselfoverhere.”Hisvoice

washusky,low.Hisbreathwashotagainstmyneck,sendingashiverdowntomytoes.

Ismiledtomyselfsincehecouldn’tseeme.Irespondedwithinchingmybodyclosertohis,

feelinghischesttomyback.HewasbuiltfromwhatIcouldtell.Hischesthardandhisarmstoned.

Theyengulfedme,pressingagainstmybodyinasecuringgesture.

Wedancedtothemusic,onehandmovedtomyarm,rubbingupanddowninanaffectionate

manner.Itwasoddlycomforting;hismovementsweresweetbutsecure.

“What’syourname?”Hedippedhisheaddown,pressinghislipsagainstthefleshofmyear.My

bodytingledwithhowclosehismouthwas.Hisentirebodywascementedtomine,andIhadyettosee

hisface.

“Mac,”Ianswered,turningmyheadslightlysohecouldhearme.“What’syours?”

Hespunmearound,hishandssecurelygrippingmyupperarms.Myeyesopenedwidetoseehim,

butthelightsweredimandthedancingofcoloredlightsmovedinaquickrhythm.Icouldpartiallysee

him—hisjawlineandhismouth.Hiseyeswerehooded,notgivingmeagoodviewofthem.Hishair

wasshortonthesidesandlongerontop,butIcouldn’tseewhatcolor.Everythingwasdark.

“Alex,”hefinallyresponded.Hislipsturnedupintoahandsomegrin,givingmeafullviewofhis

perfectlystraightteeth.Ididn’tknowwhattosay,soIjuststaredathim,lettingthealcoholswimin

myveins.“It’sapleasuretomeetyou,Mac.”

Onehandcontinuedtogripmyarmwhiletheotherstrolleddowntomyhip.Hesqueezedgently,

wakingmeupfrommytrance.

“It’snicetomeetyou,too,Alex.”Ismiled,feelinglikeweweretheonlytwopeopleintheentire

club.Themusicsilenced,theotherdancersfaded,andsoon,myvisiononlyzoomedinonthisenticing

stranger.

“CanIbuyyouadrink?”Heleanedinagain,closetomyear.Itwassodeep,soothingalmost,as

thesilkofhisvoicevibratedagainstthewarmthofmyskin.Butterfliesconsumedmystomachatthe

waymybodywasrespondingtohim.Itwasinnocentreally,butthewayhislipslingeredwasasure

signitwouldn’tstaythatway.

“Sure,”Iansweredanyway.Mybodyfelthypnotized.Iwasstunnedbytheeffectthisstranger

wasstirringinme.

Hishandrandownmyarmuntilitreachedmineandhelinkedourfingerstogetherasheguided

ustothebar.Inervouslylookedaroundformyfriends,wonderingiftheywerestillatthesametable

wehadbeenatearlier.

“What’syourpoison?”heaskedplayfully,leaningonearmontopofthebar.Istoodinfrontof

him,gettingamuchbettervisualofhisface.Hisjawlinewasfirmandstrong,butitdidn’tmatchthe

restofhim.Hehadoneofthosesoftbabyfaces,theonesthatlookliketheyneverage.Hiseyeswere

brownfromwhatIcouldnowseeandhishairwasadarkshadeofbrown.Hewaseverygirl’swet

fantasy,buthecouldn’tbemine.

“I’lltakeaCranberryVodka.”

“Agirlwhocandrinkherliquor…”HislipscurvedupinoneofthesexiestsmirksI’deverseen.

Hislipswerethinbutdeliciouslooking.“Ilikethat.”

“I’msureyoudo.”Ismirked,enjoyingtheattentionhewasgivingme.Hecouldeasilyhavea

dozenothergirlsinthisclub,soIdidn’tknowwhyhewaswastingtimetalkingtome.

“Actually…”Heinchedhisheaddownlower,almostwhispering.“Idon’treallygooutmuch.I

justflewbacktoNewYork.Iwasactuallysupposedtomeetafriendandapparently,theyblewmeoff.”

Thatsurprisedme.Helookedlikeaguywhowentouteveryweekend,atleast.

“Isthatwhatyoutellallthegirls?”Imocked.

Helaughed,lightlybrushinghishandthroughhishair.Hegrabbedthedrinksfromthebartender

andthrewatwentyonthebar.“No,it’sthetruth.”Hesmiled.“Isawyouearlierstandingatthetable

withyourfriends.Youwerelaughingandsmiling…youlookedsocarefreeandfulloflife.Ifindthatto

beaveryattractivequalityinawoman.”

“Allright.”Ilingered,circlingmystrawinmyglassashiswordscircledaroundinmymind.

“Well,Ihaven’tbeenoutinmonths.It’smyfriend’sbacheloretteparty,actually.”

“Really?”Hiseyesroamedovermybody,admiringthewaymydresssqueezedmycurves.“You

seemlikeagirlwholikestohavefun…often.”

“Well,youknowwhattheysayaboutallegations…”Igrinned,grippingthestrawbetweenmy

lips.Ileanedin,whisperinginchesawayfromhismouth.“Unfortunatedisappointments.”

“I’dbewillingtobetmyrighttesticlethatyouwouldbeanythingbutadisappointment,

sweetheart.”Hisvoicestayeddeep,firm.Hiseyesembeddedintomine,lettingmeknowexactlywhat

hewasafter.

“Well,getreadytolosethatbet.”Ismiledconfidently.“Ineedtogetbacktomyfriendbeforeshe

thinksIditchedher.”

“Ahh…theniceblowoff…”Hiseyesheldmine,daringmetoleave.

“I’mnotblowingyouoff,”Iinsisted.“It’sjust…it’sagirl’snight,”Iexplained.

“Oh,girl’snight…”Heletthewordsouteasilyinunderstanding.“Well,ifyougetlonelyand

decidetomakeitafunevening,you’llknowwheretofindme.”Hewinked,grippingmyelbowinhis

palm.Hepulledmeforwardandpressedhislipstomycheek.“Enjoyyourevening,Mac.”Tingles

rivetedthroughoutmyentirebody—asensationIhadn’tfeltinmonths.ItwasuncannyforsomeoneI

hadjustmet.

“Thanks…you,too,”Ifinallymanagedtosay.IspottedStacifinallyandtookoffwithmyVodka

Cranberryinmyhand.

AlexanderLancaster.

Thesonofmulti-millionaire,WilliamLancaster.Manhattan’smostinfluentialbusinessmanand

votedtowintheTenleyLeadershipAwardtenyearsinarow.Hedidn’tusehispowerforbad,over-the-

topthings;ratherWilliamwasdifferent.Hewasgood.Hewantedtobearolemodelandcontinue

teachinghisemployeesunderhim.It’soneofthethingsIlovedmostabouthim.He’sentirelyselfless.

Ifinishedrubbingthemoisturizerallovermybody,wonderingwherethatflashbackhadcomefrom.

Iblewhimoff…sohowintheworlddidIwakeupinhisbedthenextmorning?

IguesstheonlywaytoknowwastoaskAlex.

Butwouldheeventellmethetruth?DidIwanttoknowthetruth?

IwashedmyhandsoffandgrabbedmyphonetocallStaci.

“What’sup,girlfriend?”sheansweredcheerfully,butIknewshe’dbefreakingoutinabouttwo

seconds.

“Ihatemylife,”Isaidflatly.“I’mbeingpunished.Orsomething.Karma,perhaps.”

“Mac…slowdown.What’sgoingon?”

“Alex!”Iscream-whispered.“Alex-fucking-Lancaster!”

“Wait,who’sAlexLancaster?”

Ibreathedout,needingtoslowmyminddownsoIcouldmakesomesense.“William’sson…who

justsohappenstobe…”

“Ohmygod!”shescreamedasitfinallyclickedinherhead.“One-nightstandAlexisAlexander

Lancaster?”

Isighed.“Yes…oneinthesame.AndIhadtocomeface-to-facewithhimtonightatdinner.”

“Holyshit,”shebreathedout.“Whatdidyoudo?”

“WhatcouldIdo?Imentallyfreakedout!IpretendedIdidn’tknowhimandsatacrossfromhim.To

makemattersworse,hetotallyknewhewasmakingmeuncomfortable.Ileftforthebathroomandhe

followedme!”

“Jesus…”

“Stace,whatamIgoingtodo?He’smovingin!Apparently,Williamwantshimtomovebackinuntil

hefindsajobandismorestable.Doyouknowhowawkwardthisisgoingtobe?”

“Hehastohavehisownmoneytomoveintohisownapartment,right?”sheaskedthesamequestion

I’dbeenthinkingtheentireridehome.

“Well,you’dthink,butIalsobelieveit’sWilliam’swayofre-connectingwithhimorwhatever.I

don’tknow.Williamisbarelyhomeenoughforustospendtimetogether,soI’mreallynotsurewhathe’s

thinking.”

“Well,thatcouldbeit,”sheagreed.“Imean,you’vebeenwithhimforalmosttwoyears,andyou’re

justnowmeetinghisson?Iguesstheyhadsomekindofroughpatchorsomething.Beforeheleftfor

school,hewasalwaysinthepapersforgettingintotrouble.IbetyouWilliamsenthimoverseason

purpose.Andnowhe’stryingtoseeifhecantrusthim.”

“Damn,Ihadn’tthoughtofthat.Williamrarelytalksaboutit.AnytimeIbringitup,hemanagesto

brushitofforbecompletelyvague.”

“Well,nowwouldbeagreattimetoask!”

“Iknow,Iknow!”Istartedpacingthebathroom,thinkingovereverythingshe’djustsaid.Itmadea

lotofsensenowthatweweretalkingitout.“Thatisn’ttheonlyproblem,”Iadded.

“Okay,what?”

“Ikeephavingtheseflashbacksandshortglimpsesofhim…ofus…it’s…”Ipaused,tryingtocollect

mythoughts.

“Confusing?”shefilleditforme.

Isighed,exhalingdeeplybeforeanswering,“Yes.Very.IfeelthesethingsinsideandIjustdon’t

understandhow,orwhy,andwhatI’msupposedtodowiththem.Ineverintendedforanythinglikethatto

happen,yetwhenIgettheseflashbacks,it’slikeIdidn’tfeelguiltyatall.Like…itwasright.”

“Mac,listentome.I’veknownyouawhilenow,okay?Iknowyoulikeeverythinginitsperfect

littleplaceandyourscheduleallnicelywrittenout.Ievenknowyouorganizeyourunderweardrawerby

color,”shesaidwithalaugh.“Ialsoknowyourlackofexperiencewithmen.Sonow,youjusthaveto

decide…whatareyougoingtodoaboutit?YoucantellWilliamandseeifhegivesyouasecondchance,

oryoucanpretenditdidn’thappenandignoreeverythingyoufeelaboutthatnight.”

“Buthowcanitbethatsimple?Idon’tthinkAlexisgoingtomakeitthatsimple.Youshould’veseen

thewayhelookedatmeallnight.”

“Ibetitwashot.”ShelaughedlightlyandIscowled.“Butinallseriousness,andeventhoughthis

willsoundcliché,dowhatyoufeelisrightinyourheart.IfWilliamisyourfuture,thenfocusonthat.”

“That’skindofhardtodowhenyourone-nightstandcomestolivewithyou,Stace!”Iwhispered

sternly.“I’mjustgoingtohavetoavoidhimasmuchasIcan…it’stheonlyway.MaybeI’lljoinabook

clubordoyogaontheweekends.”

“Youdon’tknowhowtodoyoga,”shesaidflatly.

“Well,I’lllearn,”Ispatback.“Orjuststayatworkreally,reallylate.”

“Well,goodluckwiththat,”shecrackedwithamusementinhertone.“Callmetomorrow,”shesaid

justbeforewesaidourgoodbyesandhungup.

Staciwasmybestfriend,butwehadentirelydifferentlifestyles.WemetwhenLaurahiredherfora

temporarydesignjobatthemagazine,andweendeduphavinglunchtogetheralmosteveryday.Onceshe

wasdone,wecontinuedhangingoutsideofworkandshebecamemyfirstrealfriendinyears.After

awhile,Ibegantotrustandconfidedinmypast.She’dbeentheonlypersonwhoknewbeforeImet

William—whostillonlyknewsomeparts.

NewYorkwasafreshstartforme,butIquicklylearnedaboutcliquesandwhatpopularitycandoto

you.Shewasn’tfromanupperclassupbringing,whichwasthethingIlovedmostabouther.Mostofthe

womenImetthroughWilliamwerepolished,snooty-bitches,andtheywereasfakeastheirnosejobs.

BeingfriendswithStaciallowedmetobeme,notthewomanengagedtobusiness-extraordinaire,

WilliamLancaster.Ididn’thavetoplasteronfakesmilesduringagirl’scharityluncheonorpretendto

careabouttheirstupid‘problems’thatwerebarelyproblemsatall.Iwasthankfulshewasaconstantin

mylife—somethingIneverhadbefore.

Butthis…thiswassomethingIwasgoingtohavetofigureoutonmyownsomehow.Iwasgoingto

havetodoeverythinginmypowertoavoidAlex.Icouldn’tlethimgetmealone…

ChapterSeven

AfewdaysafterofficiallymeetingAlexanderLancaster—Alex—Iconsumedmyselfwithwork,somuch

so,Iwasabletoalmostforgetabouthimmovingin…almost.

ByThursday,boxesofhisthingsstartedtoarrive.Hewasmovingbackintohisoldbedroom,which

wasacrosstheapartment.Thankgod.TherewasenoughspaceinbetweentofeellikeIcouldeasily

avoidhim—whichI’dplannedtodo.I’dleaveforworkearlyinthemorningbeforehewasevenawake

probablyandthenreturnatnightafterdinner.I’dthenhideawayinmybedroomuntilIpassedout.

Yes,thatwasmyplan.

However,theweekendwascomingandWilliamwasleavingtownthenextday.

“That’severything,ma’am,”oneofthemover’ssaidtome,directingmyattentionawayfrommy

thoughts.Williamwasn’thomefromworkyet,soheaskedmetopaythembeforetheyleft.

Igrabbedthecheckbookfrommypurseandwroteouttheamountplusageneroustip.AsIrippedit

out,Isaid,“Hereyouare.Thankssomuchforeverything.”Iwaspleasant.Itsurelywasn’thisfaultmy

fiancéthoughtthiswasagrandidea.

Heglanceddownatthecheckandsmiledwide,shockplayingonhislips.“Oh,thankyou,ma’am.”

Hetippedhisheadatme.“Y’allhaveagreatnightnow.”Icouldhearthesouthernaccentinhisvoice,

makingmesmileatthethoughtofasoutherngentlemanlivingallthewayupinNewYorkCity.

“Thanks.Youaswell.”Iledthemoutoftheapartmentandcringed.NowitwasjustAlexandme.

Williamwasn’thomeyetandIwassupposedto‘makehimfeelathomeagain.’

Thatwasnotgoingtohappen.

Iwalkedtothekitchen,needingtogetdinnerready.Williamhadcalledandaskedmetomakea

specialdinnerforthethreeofussincehe’dbeflyingoutearlythenextmorning.Iagreed,needingtodo

anythingtodistractmyselfuntilhearrivedhomeanyway.

IplacedthepanoflemonchickenintotheovenjustasIheardfootstepscomingthisway.Itriedto

actunaffected,boredeven,butonceAlexroundedthedoor,allmybraincellsbailed.

“Itsmellsdeliciousinhere,”hesaidassoonasheleanedupagainstthebreakfastbar.

“Thanks,”Isaidsoftly,keepingmybacktohimasIcutthepotatoes.“I’mmakingchicken.Ihope

youlike—”

“Iwasn’ttalkingaboutthedamnchicken,”hesaidroughly,hisvoicefirmandclose.Hemoved

towardme,thehaironthebackofmyneckstickingupasIrealizedhewascomingclosertome.

“However,chickensoundsgreat,”hecontinuedwithamusement,clearlyenjoyingthesituationinwhich

we’vebeenputin.

“Good.It’llbedoneinforty-fiveminutesifyouwanttogounpackuntilthen.”Ifelthisbodypressed

upagainstmine,hishandsgrippingtheedgeofthecounternexttome.Hefullyclosedmein,myassfirm

againsthisgroin.“Whatareyoudoing?”Iblurted,droppingtheknifeonthecuttingboard.

“Justgettingabetterview…”Ifelthimnuzzlehisnoseintomyhairandinhalethescentofmy

shampoo.

“Youneedtostop,Alex.Backup,”Idemanded,tryingtosoundstern,butIfelthimsmileagainstmy

neck.Hewasclearlyentertainedbymakingmeuncomfortablenow.“Istilldon’trememberyou,”I

remindedhim,althoughpartofthatwasalie.Ihadrememberedsome…

Mybodyshiveredinresponse.

“Yourbodydoes,”herespondedsmugly.“AndIrememberyou,Mac.Iremembereverything.The

wayyoumoanedasIsunkdeepinsideyou,thewayyougrippedmyhairwhenIsuckedyourclitin

betweenmylips,thewayyouscreamedmynamewhenI—”

“Stop!”Ishouted.Ipushedagainsthischest,butinsteadofforcinghimback,itpushedourbodies

closertogether.

“Yourmouthissayingonething,sweetheart.Butyourbodyissayinganother.”

Iwaspissed.HowdareheusethatagainstmewhenI’mclearlytryingtoavoidhim?

Iturnedaround,breakingthetraphisarmshadbarricadedmein.“Youcanrememberallyouwant.

ButIdon’t.Itwasamistake.Doyouhearme?Amistake!”

Hetookastepbackandcrossedhisarmsoverhischest,asmirkplayingonhislips.“Youcansayit

allyouwant,princess.Butitstillwon’tbetrue.”Heleanedin,placinghisfingerundermychinand

tiltingmyheaduptolookathim.“Youcanpretenditdidn’thappenallyouwant,butitstillhappened.I

fuckedyousohard,yourbodycouldbarelymovethenextmorning.When’sthelasttimeyouwokeuplike

that?Doesmyfathereatyourpussysogoodyouscreamuntilyouloseyourvoice?Youcouldbarelytalk

orwalkwhenIwasdonewithyou.”

RagefueledmybloodthemomenthementionedWilliam.Ipushedhardagainsthischest,forcinghim

totakeafewstepsback.“Howdareyou!”Ishouted.“Don’tyouevertalktomelikethatagain,”Ispat

out,keepingmyeyeslockedonhimsoheknewjusthowseriousIwas.

“Orwhat,princess?”hemocked.“Yougoingtoletyourroyalkingknowyoufuckedanotherman?

Hisson?”hechallenged,raisinghisbrowsatme.Istoodthere,breathless.Icouldfeelmycheeksheatas

theangerstirredinsideme.“That’swhatIthought.”

“You’reanasshole.NothingliketheguyIfirstmet.”Myvoicecameoutshaky,filledwithemotion

andregret.

“I’mexactlytheguyyoufirstmet.IwantedyouandIstillwantyou.Thathasn’tchanged.”Hetook

anotherfewstepsback,finallygivingmethedistanceIneeded.“Theonlythingthat’schangedisthe

game,sweetheart.”

“Thisisnotagame!”Ihissed.“I’mapersonandyou’remessingwithmylifenow.”

“IneversaidIplayedbytherules,Mac.”

“Theonlyruleyouneedtofollowistostaythehellawayfromme,”Isnarled,narrowingmybrows

athim.

Hesmiledjustbeforeturningandwalkingtowardthedoor.“LikeIjustsaid…Idon’tplaybythe

rules.”

IWASSETTINGthetableasWilliamwanderedin.Assoonashearrivedhome,hewentintoour

bedroomandchangedoutofhisworkclothes.Iknewafterdinner,hewouldfinishpackingforhistripand

goingrighttosleepsincehe’dbeleavingbrightandearly.Itwasroutine.However,Iwashopingtokeep

himawakeaslongasIcould.AnythingtostaydistractedandawayfromAlex.

“Hello,darling,”IheardWilliam’ssoothingvoicefrombehindme.Iplacedawineglassonthe

tableasheleanedinandkissedmycheek.“Dinnersmellsdelicious.”

Iswallowedandsmiled,turningtofaceWilliam’swarmembrace.“Hi.”

Hedippeddowntowraphishandsaroundmywaistandpulledmeinforakiss.Imeltedintohis

lips,lovingthefamiliartasteofhim.Iletoutasmallmoan,mybodyenjoyingtheattention.

“Howlonguntildinner’sready?IwantedtocheckinonAlex.”Themerementionofhisnamehad

goosebumpsformingonmyskin.

“Aboutfifteenminutes,”Iansweredquickly,notwantinghimtonoticemyreaction.

“Perfect.”Hepeckedmylipsoncemorebeforereleasinghisholdonme.“I’lllethimknow.”I

smiledinreturn,wantingtogetthisnightoverwithassoonaspossible.I’mnotsureI’devergetuseto

this.

Lessthantenminuteslater,WilliamreturnedwithAlexintothediningroom.Ioverheardthem

laughingandtalkingastheysettledintotheirchairs.

“Darling,canyougrabCabernetSauvignon?”Williamcalledtome.

“Absolutely!Berightthere,”Icalledback.Thechickenandveggiesweredone,stayinghotinthe

oven.Ifinishedtheorganicredpotatoeswithonelastteaspoonofmargarineandsprinkledchivesover

thetop.IwasjustfinishingwhenIfelttwohandsrubdownmyarmfrombehindme.

Ijerkedimmediately,furiousthatAlexhadthenervetotouchmewhenIhadbeenperfectlyclear

earlier.“Stop,”Isnapped,myvoicecoldanddistant.

Hishandsbackedoffinstantly,buthisbodystayedpressedagainstmine.“What’swrong?”

Myheadtippedup,myeyesgoingwideasIheardWilliam’svoiceinmyear.Shit.

IswallowedhardasIthoughtofwhatIwasgoingtosaytoredeemmyself.I’dnevertellWilliamto

stoptouchingme.Iwelcomedit,andinmostcases,beggedforit.

“Areyouallright,darling?”heasked,fearlacedinhisvoice.

“Yes,sorry,”Ispatoutquicklyandturnedaroundtolookathim.IsmiledasIcontinued,“Youjust

scaredme,that’sall.”

“Oh,”hesaidwithasmallsmile,bringinghisarmuptowrapaloosehairaroundmyear.“Well,that

wasquitethereaction.”

“I’msorry,”Iapologizedagain.“I’mtired,really.Justcaughtmeoffguard.”Ismiledagain,hoping

thatwasagoodenoughexcuse.

Hetippedhisheaddownandlightlykissedmyforehead.“Noworries.Letmehelp.”

Momentslater,hewalkedbehindmeasIheldthepanoflemonchickenandmixedveggies.Isetitin

themiddleofthetableandwaitedforWilliamtosetthepotatoesnexttoit.“I’llgrabthewine,”Isaid

quickly,butWilliamgrabbedmebeforeIcouldturnbackaround.

“I’llgetit.Yousit.”Hesmiledandkissedmycheek.Iclosedmyeyesbrieflybeforenodding.

Ikeptmyeyeslow,avoidingAlex’sstare.BeforeIcouldgrabmychairandsitdown,Alexsatup

andpulleditoutforme.Ifrozeandreluctantlymovedmyeyesuptolookathim.Hestoodtherewitha

shit-eatinggrinonhisfaceandpatientlywaitedformetomakethenextmove.

“Doyouplantoeatyourdinnerstanding?”

Ihesitated,reallyconsideringdoingjustthat.Anythingtoavoidbeingnearhim.Icouldbarelyfocus

withhiminthehouseandnowIwasexpectedtositnexttohimandeat.

“Mac…sit.Iwon’tbite.”Iraisedmybrowsathim,contemplatingifIshouldtrusthimornot.

Finally,Iinhaledanddecidedtotaketheseat.Hehelpedpushmeinandpattedmyshouldersbriefly

beforeturningtotakehisseatnexttome.

“Youneedtostopdoingthat,”IwhisperedinafirmvoicesoWilliamwouldn’thearme.

“Doingwhat,Mac?”heasked,notkeepinghisvoicedownasIhad.

Ishothimadeathlookwithmyeyes,snarlingathimintheprocess.Iwasnotgoingtoplayhis

stupidgames.“Touchingme.Standingclosetome.Beinginappropriate.Allofit.Youneedtostopit.”

“Andwhy’sthat?Afraidyou’llslipandactuallydosomethingaboutit?”

Isighedinfrustration,rollingmyeyestotheceiling.Ineededtostaycalm.Ialreadymistook

Williamforhim.

“It’sinappropriate,Alex,”Isaid,lookinghimsquareintheeyes.“I’mmarryingyourdad.Sostart

gettingusedtoit.”

Hesmirked—theoppositereactionofwhatIwasgoingfor.Hewassuchanasshole.

“What’ssofunny?”

Hehuffedoncemore.“Thatyou’remarryingmyfather…amantwiceyourage.Amanwhohardly

givesyouanyattention.Amanwhocaresmoreabouthiscompaniesthanyouorme.Amanwhohasno

ideahowluckyhetrulyis…”

Iswallowed…unsureofhowtorespond.IfoldedmynapkininmylapandcursedWilliamfortaking

solongwiththewine.

“Myapologies.”Hefinallywalkedbackinwiththebottleofwine.IendedupgettingacallthatI

hadtotake.”HesetitdownandIsnuckaglanceatAlex,whomadeatell-allexpressionof‘toldyaso.’

“Noproblem,darling.”IsmiledupathimjusttopissAlexoff.IwasusedtoitandIdidn’ttake

offensetoit.Iknewheworkedhard.

IservedWilliamhisfood,makingsuretogivehimahealthyportionofvegetables.Hisdoctorsaid

heneededtoeatmoregreens,soImixeditwithasparagus.“Youknow,sweetheart,”hebeganwitha

smile,“it’dbeokaytohavedessertonceinawhile.”

Isetthespoondownandwatchedashislipsspreadintoaneasysmile.“Nicetry.”Iflashedafake

smilehisway.“Youheardthedoctor,”Iremindedhim.

“Idid.”Heplacedhisnapkininhislapandcontinued,“And,well,youonlyliveonce.Somaybe

cakeonceinawhilewouldn’tkillme.”Hewinked,andIknewitwasgoingtobeimpossibletosayno.

“Well,sincewehavecompany,Isupposewecanmakethisoneexception.”Ismirkedplayfully,

scoopingthevegetablesontomyownplate.

IheardAlexclearhisthroatnexttome,grabbingbothofourattention.“I’mnotcompany.Ilivehere.

Infact,Ilivedherefirst.”Hisfacewastenseandforamoment,Ifearedhewasgoingtosaysomething

aboutus.

“Alexander,”Williamwarned,butthenhistonesoftened.“Forgiveus.It’sbeensometimesince

you’vebeenhome.Wearen’tusedtoanyonediningwithus.”

WehaddinnerwithWilliam’scolleaguesoften,butneveratourhome.Itwasalwaysatsomefancy

restaurant.Theapartmentwasoursanctuaryandforoneshortmoment,IforgotAlexwassittingnextto

me.

Toobadthatmomentdidn’tlast.

IsatbackandletWilliamandAlexdomostofthetalking.Theystillhadalottocatchupon,andI

wasquicklylearningoftheirrelationship.Williamstucktoquestionsthatwereworkandbusiness

related.Irealizedhedidn’taskmanypersonalquestions,sowithoutthinking,Iblurtedout,“Sowereyou

seeinganyonewhileyoustudiedinEurope?”

Iquicklyshovedaforkfulofchickenintomymouth,butitwastoolate.They’dbothheardme.

“Alexanderisverygoal-oriented.Surelyhehadnotimeforgirlfriends.”William’scurtresponse

feltmisplaced,consideringhemetAlex’smom,Rose,incollege.

“Thatdoesn’tmeanyoucan’tdate,darling.Youdatedincollege,”Iremindedhim.

“Yes,anditmademelosefocusonthetaskathand.He’ssmarterthanthat,”hesaidnotmakingeye

contactwitheitherofus.Somethingintheairshifted.IlookedfromWilliamtoAlexandbacktoWilliam.

Theirbodylanguagewastense,stiff.Somethingwasoff.

“Alexcananswerforhimself,too,”Alexcutin,speakinginthethirdpersonthatgrabbedmy

attentionaswellasWilliam’s.Ifeltbadforaskingthequestion,wishingIcouldjusttakeitback.

“Sorry,itwasn’tmyplacetoask.Justforgetit,”Ialmostbegged.

“No,it’sfine,”heinsistedwithasmile.Asshole.“Yes,Ididdatesome.Nothingserious.”

Inodded,pursingmylipstogether.Thethoughtbroughtmystomachuptomythroatwithabsolutely

noreasoning.Alexwasyounglikeme—twenty-fourortwenty-five.Ofcourse,hedated.Ican’tbelieveI

letitslipfrommymouth.

WefinisheddinnerwithlightconversationandassoonasWilliam’splatewasclear,hestoodupand

excusedhimself.“Letmeknowwhendessertisready.I’llbeinmyoffice.”

“Sure,darling.”Ihadnothingpreparedfordessert.Oringredientsforacake.

HewalkedoffasIstartedbringingdishesintothekitchen.IbeganrinsingtheplateswhenIsaw

Alexwalkinwiththerestofthedishes.Heshotmealookofangerbutdidn’tsayanything.I’mnotsure

what’sgoingonbetweenthem,butIwasn’tabouttobringitupnow.

“Thanks,”Isaidsoftly,notbringingmyeyesuptomeethis.Iwastooashamed.Williamusually

helpedmewithcleanup,buttonighthe’djustwalkedawayleavingmewithit.“He’snotusuallylike

that,”Iblurted.

“Maybenottoyou,”hespatbackinstantly.Iswallowed,notwantinghimtoclarifywhathemeantby

that.Williamhadbeennothingbutsweetandkindtome,andIdidn’twantanythingchangingmyviewof

him.

IwasatthesinkwhenhestoodnexttomeandstarteddryingthedishesIhadjustwashed.Westood

nexttoeachotherinsilence,neitherofushavinganythingworthsaying.Thetensionbetweenuswasso

painful—itwasalmostkillingme.Therewassomuchtosay,yetnothingtosayatall.Icouldn’thelpit.

TheurgetobenexttohimwasstrongerthanIliked.

Ashedriedthelastdish,andIwipeddownthecounter,hefinallyspoke.“Youknowthere’savery

expensivedishwasherthatworksjustasgood.Probablybetter,actually.”

Mylipsturnedupinasmile.“Iknow.It’sjustroutine,Isuppose.”

IthrewthewettoweldownonthecounterandleanedupagainstitasIcontemplatedhowIwas

goingtomakeacake.Dessertwasn’tsomethingwetypicallydidunlesswewereouttodinner,soIhad

noideawhattodo.

“Youlooklost,”Alexsaid,gainingmyattentionbacktowardhim.Oddly,hewasstandingdirectlyin

frontofmeandIhadn’tevennoticed.Oncemyeyestookattention,mybodydid,too.

Isquirmed,takingastepbacktoputspacebetweenus.“JustthinkinghowI’mgoingtohavetimeto

bakeacakebeforehegoestobed.”

Hethoughtforashortmomentbeforespeaking,“C’mon,Iknowagreatplace.”Hebeganwalking

towardmeandgrabbedmyhandasweleftthekitchentogether.

ChapterEight

“Whatarewedoing?”Igaspedasherushedusthroughthelobby.

“Wehavetohurryifwe’regoingtomakeitbeforeclosing.”Hespedthepaceup,lacinghisfingers

withmineaswemadeourwayoutoftheapartmentbuilding.Iwatchedashewavedhishandforacab

andassoonasonepulledover,hepushedmeinthebackandgotinnexttome.Herambledoffthestreet

andoffwewent.

“Wherearewegoing?”Iasked,curiosityeatingatme.Icouldn’thelpbutsmileathowexcitedhe

looked.

“Thebestfuckingbakeryintown!”Hesmiledwide.“Seriously,though.It’ssohidden,onlylocals

knowitexists.”

Wepulleduptenminuteslatertothecutestlittlehole-in-the-wallbakery.IthadthewordsSugar’s

Sweetswritteninred,half-paintedletters.Howwasthisplaceevenupandrunninginacitylikethis?

“Let’sgo.Sugarwillbeleavingsoon.”

“Huh?”Sugarwasaname?Afterpayingthedriver,hegrabbedmyhandandpulledmeoutbehind

him.WehurriedinsideandIimmediatelyinhaledthesweet,delicioussmellofsugarandsweets.The

namedefinitelyfit.

“Ican’tbelieveIdidn’tknowthiswashere¸”Isaidinamazement.Itwasn’tthatfarfromthe

apartmentorwork,andyet,Inevernoticedit.

“Notmanypeopledo.”Alexwasgrinning,hiswholefacelightingupashelookedaround.“I

haven’tbeenhereinyears,butitsuresmellsandlooksthesame.”

“Smellslikeheaveninhere!”Igushed,takingalookaround.Therewasalargedisplaycaseof

cupcakes,pastries,andslicesofcake.Itlookedlikeperfection.Nexttoitwerewholecakes,all

decorated,andsizeddifferently.NowthatIknewofthisplace,IhadafeelingIwasgoingtocomehere

quiteoften.

“AlexLancaster…isthatyou?”Anolderwomanwholookedtobeinhersixtiesaskedasshe

approachedus.“Itcan’tbe.”Shegrinned,keepinghereyeslockedonhim.

“Thatdepends…doyoustillmakeyourfamousFive-LayerDevilandMousseChocolateCake?”He

grinned,

Ohmygod…Inearlygroanedaloud.Thatsoundedmuchbetterthanitshould’vecomingfromAlex’s

mouth.

“IseeEuropehasn’thelpedyourattitude.”Shesnorts.“Butitsuredidyasomegoodinthelooks

department.”Iwithheldagiggleastheolderwomandisheditrightback.Ilikedher.

“Iseeoldagehasn’taffectedyoursenseofhumor.”Hesmirked,walkinguptoherandwrappingher

upinabearhug.“It’sgoodtoseeyou,Sugar.”

Ahh…sothatwasSugar.

“Howlonghaveyoubeenbackintown?”sheaskedastheyseparated.

“Justacoupleweeks,notlong.Justsettlingbackin.”

“Good.Youlookgood.”Shesmiledupathimproudly.“Nowletmeguess.Anewgirlfriend?”she

questioned,raisingacuriousbrow.

“Oh,myapologies.SugarthisisMac…MackenzieHewitt,”heconfirmedandcontinued,“Mac,this

isSugar.”

“Oh,she’slovely,dear.”Sheexaminedmeheadtotoe,speakingtoAlexasifIcouldn’theartheir

conversation.“Shecoulduseafewpiecesofmyspecialcake.Don’tyoufeedthepoorgirl?”

Iswallowed,myguardshieldinganypainfulpastchildhoodmemoriesthatIdidn’twanttothinkof

atthetime.

“She’snotminetofeed,”hesaidsimplyinalow,leveledvoice.Sugar’seyesmetmygazeandI

tookthatasmycuetocutin.

“It’sapleasuretomeetyou.”Iofferedmyhandandshetookit,gripping,andpullingmeintoher.

Shewrappedherarmsaroundmeinasweet,friendlyhug.Ittookmeoffguardatfirst,butthenIwrapped

myarmsaroundheraswell.

“Icouldbreakyoulikeatoothpick.”

Ilaughedathergrandmother-tone.Shewassureblunt.

“Well,Iguessit’sagoodthingAlextookmetothebestbakeryintown.”Ismiled.

“Twoofmyusual,”Alexsaid,holdinguptwofingers.“You’lldieaftertastinghercake.It’sthebest

I’veeverhad.”

“Actually,makethatthree,”Iinterrupted.“Doyouhaveanythingthat’sglutenfree?”

Alexbowedhisheaddown,unabletolookatme.“Ofcourse,dear.I’llwrapyourordersupforyou

rightaway,”Sugarresponded,themoodsuddenlyshifting.

“DidIoffendher?”IwhisperedtoAlexwhenSugardisappearedbehindthecounter.“Isaskingfor

glutenfreeliketheworstthingeverinabakery?”Icringed,feelingstupidandhelplessnow.“It’s

probablyacrime,right?”

Heburstintolaughter,dippinghisheaddownashetriedtoconcealthesoundshewasmaking.

“What?What’sfunny?”Inudgedhim,gettinghimtotilthisheadbackupandlookatme.Itwasthe

firsttimesincerealizingwhohewasthatIallowedmyselftoreallygetalookathim.Hiseyeswerea

shadeofbrownandthey’dgonesoftsincelookingupatme.Hisfacialfeatureswereallstrong,square-

lined,andtaut.Yetthewayhewasstaringatmewasintense.

Heshookhisheadeffortlessly.“Nothing…you’re…you’rejustadorable,that’sall.”

“Oh.”Ichewedmylip,cursingmyselfforlettinghimtakemehereinthefirstplace.Thiswasa

terribleidea.

“Allright,handsome.Yourcakesareallreadytogo.”

“Sugar,you’rethebest.”Hegrabbedthemashekissedhergentlyonthecheek.“We’llbeback.”He

winkedandthenlookedatme.

“Yes,we’lldefinitelybeback.”Iflashedafakesmile.Ihadnointentionofcomingbacknow.I

couldn’t.

IwatchedAlexflagdownanothercabandaswestoodthere,Iwonderedhowthingswouldbeifwe

hadn’tmetthewaywedid.Couldwehaveanormalrelationship?Technically,I’dbehisstepmom,butI

didn’twantittofeelthatway.Thatwaswaytooawkwardandweird.Wewerethesameage,afterall.

Iscootedintothebackofthecab,gettingasclosetotheoppositewindowaspossible.Ineededto

putsomedistancebetweenus,re-establishtheboundariesthatwerenecessary.

However,Alexwasn’thavingthat.

Hegotinandsatclosetome,liftingoneofthelidsoffthebox.“Youhavegottotrythis.”Hepulled

thecakeoutoftheboxandliftedittomylips.Ididn’thavethecouragetosaynotohim,soIjustopened

mymouthandlethimfeedme.

Iclosedmyeyes,asIslowlytastedtheperfectcombinationofchocolateandcreamymousse.

“Mm…”Isavoreditabeatlongerthannecessary,butIwasenjoyingittoomuch.“God,that’s

amazing.”

Iopenedmyeyesandsawashestuffedhisownfacewithit,leavingbehindatrailofchocolateon

hisfaceandlips.Instinctively,Ialmostreachedupandbrusheditoff,butIquicklycaughtmyselfand

yankedmyhandbackbeforehenoticed.

“Isn’titthebest?”heaskedwithhalfamouthfull.

Ilaughedathisgoofinessandmessonhisface.“It’sincredible.”

Heofferedmeanotherbite,butIshookmyhead.Itdidn’tfeelrightwithWilliambackatthe

apartmentwaitingforme.Itdidn’tfeelrightbeingthiscomfortablewithhimagain.Iknewthemomentwe

gotback,it’dbeawkwardagain.

“Thanksforshowingmeyourspecialplace,”Isaidaswewalkedbackintothebuildingandheaded

fortheelevator.Ismiledgenuinelyathim.Iwashopingthiswashispeaceoffering.Ididn’twanttohave

thisawkwardtensionbetweenus,especiallysincehe’dbelivingintheapartmentwhilehelookedforhis

ownplace.

“You’rewelcome,”herespondedhappily.“MymomwouldtakemeeverySundayafterlunchwhenI

wasyounger.Itwaslikeourownlittlegetawayforanhourorso.Itwasmyfavoritepartoftheweekend.”

Inoddedinunderstanding.Ididn’tknowmuchaboutthelateMrs.Lancaster.Williamdidn’tfreely

talkabouther,butIknewshehadbattledcanceratayoungageandonceshehadAlex,theywere

unsuccessfulinhavinganymorechildren.I’vetriedtogetWilliamtoopenupabouther,curiosity

buildingupinsidemewhenIfirstmovedin,butitonlypushedhimaway,soIstoppedasking.

“Soundslovely,”IsaidasIleanedagainstthegoldbaroftheelevator.Hewasacrossfromme,

staringatme.Idippedmyeyestothefloortobreaktheeyecontact.Itwastoointense,andIhatedthathe

hadthateffectonme.

“Itwas.Dadworkedalot—asyouknow—andMomkeptbusywithhercharities,butitwastheone

dayshesetasideforus.Itwasmeanttobeafamilyday,butafterawhile,Dadstoppedjoining.That’s

whenitbecameadayjustforustwo.”

Wewerealmosttotheapartment,butIknewifIweregoingtobringthisup,it’dhavetobenow,and

notwhenWilliamcouldoverhear.“Hetalkedalotaboutyou,”Iblurtedout.“Whenwefirstmetandeven

afterImovedin,hetalkedaboutyou.Iknowhemaynotshowit,buthelovesyou.”

“Nooffense,Mac,butyoudon’tknowshit.MydadandIhaveacomplicatedrelationship.”

“Yeah…I’mstartingtorealizethat.Nevertheless,Ithoughtyoushouldknow,”Irepliedsoftlyjustas

theelevatordingedandopenedup.

Westayedquietaswewalkedin.ItookthecakeboxestothekitchenwhereIfoundWilliamsitting

atthebreakfastbarwithanopennewspaper.“Ibroughtyoubacksomethingdelicious.”IsmiledasI

approachedhimfromtheback.

Heswungaround,droppingthenewspaperonthecounter.“Aslongasyou’rearound,darling,I’ll

alwayshavesomethingdelicious.”Hegrinnedandwrappedhisarmsaroundmywaist,pullingmecloser

tohim.Isunkintohischest,inhalinghisscentofoakmixedwithspice.Itwasaperfectcombinationof

him,andIdrunkitin.

“Well,inthatcase,Iguesswecanskipthecake,”Iteased.

Hepulledtheboxesfrommyhandsandgrinnedsuspiciously,settingthemontopofthebar.“Let’s

takethecakeandacoupleglassesofmilkintothebedroom.”Heleanedinfurtherandwhispered,“Iplan

toeatadifferentdessertfirst.”Heloweredhiseyesdowninbetweenmylegsbeforebringingthemback

up.Igasped;surprisedtohearthathewasn’theadingtobedthesecondhiscakewaseaten.Itwasa

pleasantsurprise.

BeforeIcouldrespond,IheardAlexclearhisthroatbehindus.Iblushedknowinghehadprobably

seenandheardallofthat.

“I’mgoingtoheadin,finishsomeunpackingandthenpassout.”Helookedovermeashespoketo

William,ignoringmypresencealtogether.

“I’llseeyouwhenIgetbackthen.”

Alexnoddedinresponsebeforeturningtowalkaway.

“Alex,wait!”Iheardmyselfsay.Hespunaroundandfinallybroughthiseyestomine.“Don’tyou

wanttofinishyourpieceofcake?”

“No.Youhaveit.”Heflashedasmallsmilebeforeduckinghisheadandwalkingoutofthekitchen.I

watchedhimwalkawayandarushofsadnessovercameme.IwishIunderstoodtheirrelationship,butI

alsoknewitwasnoneofmybusiness.WhateverhappenedwasbeforeIevencameintothepicture.

Williamsuddenlygrabbedmyhandandpulledmewithhimashespeed-walkedtoourbedroom.He

begantearingmyclothesoffbeforeweevenmadeittothebed.HismouthwasonmyneckbeforeIhada

chancetorealizewhatwashappening.

“Let’sskipthecake…dessertnow.”

IlovedwhenWilliamactedlikethis.Sometimeshe’dgetthiswholemachovibeandjusttake

controlasifhecouldn’tstandtowaitasecondlonger.Normally,Iwasallforit.Ilethimtakecontrol,

ratherIencouragedhimto,butnow—somethingfeltoff.

“William,”Iwhisperedashismouthdevouredmyneckandshoulders,andhishandswerefighting

withthezipperofmypencilskirt.

“Soon,darling.”

“William,wait—”Iputmyhandsonhisshoulderstopushhimaway,butithardlyfazedhim.

“Ican’t,sweetheart.I’llbegoneallweekend.Ineedtohaveyounow.”

“But…he’sinthehouse,”Ifinallyspatout.Icouldn’tbelievethiswashappening.Iwasinlovewith

myfiancé,whowasnearlythrowinghimselfatme,andallIcouldthinkaboutwasAlexbeingableto

overhearus.

“So?He’sacrosstheapartment.Hewon’thearathing.”Andthenadded,“Unlessyoudecideto

screamlouderthanusual,”hesaidwithahintofamusement.

Notlikely.

“Iknow…butitfeelsweird.Whatifhe’swalkingaroundandhe—”

“Stopworryingaboutit,Mackenzie.He’sgoingtobehereawhile.Guesshe’llhavetogetusedto

it.”

Myeyesbulgedoutofmyheadashepulledmyskirtdowntomyankles.“Howlongisthatexactly?”

Iaskednervously.Ithoughtthiswasjustatemporarything…

“Probablysixmonths.Maybeayear.”

“William!”Igasped,pushingawaysohe’dfinallytalktome.“Youneversaidhe’dbestayingthat

long.Isn’tthatabitlong?”

Heshrugged,notbotheredbyit.“Heneedstogetajob,Mackenzie.Hejustreturnedfromgrad

schoolandwillneedtosaveupsomemoney.”

“Whatabouthis…trustfund?”Wedidn’ttalkaboutmoneymuch,whichseemedweirdnowthatI

wasthinkingaboutit,buthehadjustalwayshandledeverything.ThesmallamountofmoneyImadefrom

myjobwentintomycheckingaccount,untouched,andaccumulatedinterest.SinceImovedin,heinsisted

onpayingforeverything.IhadtriedtellinghimI’dpayhalfandthatitwasonlyfair,buthesaidthat’dbe

‘silly’andhewasgoingtobetakingcareofme.Icouldn’tdenythewaythatmademefeel,especially

growingupthewayIdid.HavingsomeonetakecareofmeforachangewassomethingIhadnevereven

thoughtwaspossible.

“Hehasone…buthestillneedstoworkifhewantstocontinuehavingmoney.Thewaykidsspend

moneythesedays,trustfundsdon’tlastverylong,”hesaidashepulledmyshirtupandovermyhead.

Kids?AlexandIwerethesameage…Itriedtopushanyoveranalyzingthoughtsoutofmymindsince

Williamwasstandinginfrontofmenaked.

Whendidhegetundressed?

“Onthebed,darling.”

Hekissedmehardashewalkedusbackward.Mykneesbuckledoncetheyhittheedgeofthe

mattress.Hepulledmeup,settingmeinthemiddleofthebedbeforecrawlingoverme.

Idon’tknowwhatitwas,perhapsthetoo-seriousconversationwewerejusthaving,orthefactthatI

feltinsanelyawkwardknowingAlexwasintheapartment,butIcouldn’tconcentrateasWilliamfeathered

kissesupanddownmybody.Hislipsalwayscaptivatedme,butrightnow,Iwassomewhereelse.

Imoanedashismouthlandedinbetweenmylegs,hopingIcouldgetmyselfinthemood.Iclosedmy

eyesandrakedmyhandsthroughhishair.Hedughisfingersintomyhipsashelickedandsucked,doing

everythingIlove.

Iheardaloudslamandmyeyeswidened,worriedsomeonehadwalkedinonus—thatAlexhad

walkedinonus.Mybodyjolted,butWilliam’shandbroughtmychestbackdown.

“Iheardanoise,”Iexplained,feelingfoolishthatIwasactingthisuptight.

“It’sjustthefrontdoor,sweetheart.Alexprobablyhadadateorsomething.”

Iswallowed,closingmyeyesagainasItriedtogetthethoughtsanddistractionsoutofmyhead.

ThatwaswhatIwanted,Alexleaving,butnowIcouldn’tfeelmoreoutofthemoodifItried.

Williamsankdeepinsideme,coveringhismouthovermine.Hewasalwayssosweet,socaring.We

madelove,hisbodyontopofmineashekissedmelightlyonmylips,jaw,andneck.Healwaysmade

sureIcamebeforehereleased,butnomatterhowhardItriedtogetAlexoutofmyhead,Icouldn’tandit

wastickingmeoff.

“I’msoclose,darling,”Williamwhispered,grippingthebackofmyneck.IfelthimtightenupandI

knewitwasnowornever.

Iclenchedmylegstogetherandmoaned,bringingmyhipsuptogreethisthrustsashereleased

insideme.

ItwasthefirsttimeIhadfakeditwithmyfiancé.

Iwasofficiallypissed.

ChapterNine

Williamfellasleepinstantly,leavingmetodrowninmyownthoughts.IwonderedwhyAlexhadleft,

wherehewent,andifhehadheardus.IfoundmyselfwonderingifhewasmadandthenrealizedI

shouldn’tcareaboutanyofthat.

Giventhecircumstances,Idofeelbad.Hewokeuptoaone-nightstandtoagirlwhohadno

memoryofhimandthendayslaterfoundoutshe’sengagedtohisfather.

Itwasfoura.m.andIhadanotherhourbeforemyalarmwouldgooff.Williamwokemeuptokiss

megoodbyeandnowIlayherewideawake.IdecidedtogetupandshowersinceitwasFridayandit’d

beacrazy,busyworkdayanyway.

JustasIwasrinsingtheshampoooutofmyhair,Iheardthebathroomdoorcreakopen.Ispun

aroundandmadeeyecontactwithAlex,whowasstandinginthedoorwaystaringbackatme.Theshower

doorwascompletelysee-thru,buthiseyesweregluedtomine.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Iwhisperedalthoughhecouldn’thearmeoverthestreamingofthewaterand

thefanaboveme.Iwatchedhimintently,hisfacetenseandhisjawtight.Helookedreadyforafight.

Iopenedthedoor,concealingmyselfasmuchasIcould,butitdidn’tmatter.Hiseyeswereburning

intomineashebeganwalkingtowardme.Ipulledinasharpbreathassoonashishandsgrippedmyhips,

wetandbare.

“Mac…”Hisvoicewasstrained,painedeven,anditwaswhenInoticedhowvulnerablehelooked.

“Ineedtotouchyou.”

Heinchedcloser,bringinghismouthclosetomyface,centimetersfrommyjawline.Iinhaledand

smelledliquoronhishairandbody.

“You’redrunk,”Isaid,swallowinghardaroundthelumpinmythroat.

“Notanymore.”Henuzzledhisnosedeeper,pressingmywetbodyagainsthim.Thesteamfromthe

showerfilledtheroom.

“Isyourheartbeatingforme?”heasked.“Doyoufeelthat?”Hegrabbedoneofmyhandsand

pulledittohischest.“FeelwhathappenstomeeverytimeI’maroundyou?”

Ihungontoeverysingleword,myheartbeatingrapidlyashisbodystayedpressedagainstmine.

“Youshouldn’tbeinhere,”Isaidbarelyaboveawhisper.IknewIneededtopushhimaway,butI

couldn’tfindthestrength.

“Thentellmetogo,”hechallenged,pressinghislipstomyear.

Itwasthateasy.Justtellhimtoleave…butIcouldn’t.

Imightnotbeabletoremembertheexacteventsoflastweekend,butmybodydoes.Thosefew

flashesremindedmeenoughtoknowwhatwedidhadbeenmutualandwanted.

Hebroughthisfaceuptomine,lockingeyeswithmeonceagain.Itwashiswayofaskingfor

permissionorwaitingformetodenyhim.

Hiseyeswerehungry,desperate.Icouldseethedesireinthemandforamoment,Iforgot

everything.Hegrippedhishandonmyneckandpulledmetohim,lettingourmouthscollideandbodies

meshasone.Hesqueezedmyhipwithhisotherhand,pushingmybodyagainsthisharderection.

Imoanedinhismouth,allowingmyselftogetlostinhim,inus.Myhandswereagainsthischest,

squeezingthefabricofhisshirtinmyfists,grippinghimclosetome.Hepushedusbackagainstthe

showerwall,notcaringthathewasgettingdrenchedinhisclothes.Hekissedmewithpassionandheat,

desperateandeager.Thetasteofhim,asatisfyingreminderofhowhe’dmademefeellastweekendwhen

Ilefthishotelroom.Ihadn’texpectedit,butIhadn’tpushedhimawayeither.

Hishandsroamedupanddownmysides.Hemovedthemtocupmybreastsandthendownto

squeezemyasswithbothofhishands,pullingmeintohiserection.Ireachedupandpulledhishair,

pullinghimindeeper,firmeragainstme.Thedesirecameasinstinct;mybodyfeltonfireandseemedto

remembereverythingaboutthatnight.

“Mac…”hewhimpered,partinghislipsandkissingdownmythroatandneck.Iarchedmyback,

givinghimeasieraccess.“God,Iwantyou.Iwantyousobad,Mac.”

Hebroughthishandsbackupandwrappedonearmaroundmybackandtheotheragainsttheshower

wall.HismouthlandedonmineagainasIfoughtwithhisbelt.OnceIreleasedit,Iunbuttonedhisjeans

andyankedthezipperdown.AshiverrandownmyspineandsomersaultedinmystomachasIreachedin

andpulledhimout.IgaspedasIfelthimwithmyhands,hardandhot,wrappingonehandaroundhim,and

strokinggently.

“JesusChrist…”hegrowled,sendingaharshshiverdownmybody.Hedroppedhisheadonmy

shoulderasIpalmedhimandhepressedhisbodyintomine.“I-Ifuckingwantyou,Mac.Ican’thelpit.”

Hisvoicewasrough,low.Itsoundedsadalmostanditwasthenrealitycamecrashinginsideme.I

wasonlyhurtinghimmore,leadinghimontothinkthiswouldchangethings.Itwouldn’t.Icouldn’t.Not

toWilliam.

WhatthehellamIdoing?

“Alex…”Ibegan,droppingmyhandsandlookingupathim,buthewouldn’tlookatme.“Ican’t…”

Ipushedagainsthischest,hiseyesfinallylockingonmine.“I’msorry.Youhavetogo.”

“Mac,please…”Headjustedhimselfandzippedhispantsbackup.Hewassoakingwetand

beggingmetogivein—togiveintomyfeelingsthatIcouldn’tjustify.

“No…getout.Please.Thisiswrong.”

“Howcanwhatwefeelforeachotherbewrong?”

Ishookmyhead,suddenlyfeelingtheneedtocovermyselfup.Ipushedhimalittlerougher,telling

himtogo.“You’redrunkandhavenoideawhatyou’redoing,Alex.Ican’tbewhatyouwant.Justgo,

please.”Hereleasedmeandsteppedoutoftheshower.Helookedatme,hurtandpleadinganditnearly

splitmyheartintwo.“I’msorry.”

Hegavemealightnod,hislipsfirmandtight.Hegrabbedthenearesttowelandshookhishairout

beforeturningaroundandleaving,slammingthedoorbehindhim.

Oh,god…whathadIjustdone?

ISOBBEDHEAVILYintothesteamofthewaterthathadnowturnedcold,butIdidn’tcare.Ideserved

it.

IletrealityslipforamomentandgaveintohowIwasfeeling,notevenbotheringtocarehowthis

wouldchangeeverything.HowthiswouldaffectlivingunderthesameroofasthemanwhoIapparently

couldn’tcontrolmyselfaround.

Thiswashell.

Irushedgettingready,needingtogetoutofthereassoonaspossible.Icouldn’triskrunninginto

him,notbeforeIhadtogotowork.Ineededtoclearmyheadandbusymyselfwiththeday’stasks.

IlefttheapartmentsuccessfullywithoutrunningintoAlex.I’dhopedhewenttobedandsleptoffhis

hangover.AtleastIknewwhathewasdoinglastnightandapparently,hewasjustcominghomewhenhe

heardmeintheshower.

Wouldheevenrememberit?ThethoughtsickenedmystomachforamomentbeforerealizingIreally

hopedhewouldn’t.PerhapsitwouldjustbeasecretthatIknew,andI’dnevertell.

Iwasgoingtotrymuchharderatthisavoidinghimthing.HehadjustmovedinandIwasalready

failingmiserably.

“Goodmorning,Mackenzie,”Lauragreetedwithahalf-smile.

“Morning,Laura.You’rehereearlytoday.”IlookedupatherandsmiledasIsetmythingsdownon

mydesk.

“It’sFriday,”sheremindedme.Notthatsheneededto.Iwascountingonthechaostodistractme

today.“Firstmeetingisateightsharp.”

“Seeyouthen.”

Ihadstoppedforcoffeeandabagelbeforecomingintowork.Myassistant,Chelsea,wasn’tevenin

yet,butthatdidn’tpreventmefromgettingstartedrightaway.

Theentiredaywentsmoothly,butIwasslammed.Ihadn’tbeenabletostopformorethanten

minutestoeatlunchuntiltwop.m.,andbythen,Iwasstarving.Chelseamadesuretokeepmehydrated

andevengavemeoneofherNutrigrainbars.Ididn’tusuallyworknonstoplikethis,butitkeptmymind

busyenoughtonotthinkaboutthismorning.

“Areyouallright,Mac?”sheasked.“You’vebeengoingalldaytodayandI’mstartingtoget

worried.”

“Yes,I’mallright.”Iflashedasmileinherdirection.“Justgotalotgoingon,that’sall.”

“Okay.”Shenoddedandthencontinued,“Haveplansthisweekend?”

Isuckedinasharpbreath,rememberingI’dbestuckintheapartmentwithAlexallweekend,andI

wasgoingtohavetocomeupwithsomeplantoavoidhim.IfIhadn’talreadyhumiliatedmyselfthis

morning,Iwouldjusttellhimtostayaway,butIhadafeelingthatwouldn’tworkanyway.Alexwasa

verydeterminedperson.

“No,notreally.Williamflewoutthismorning,soI’llprobablyjuststayin.Maybereadandtakea

bath.”

“Seriously?”Sheflashedanunimpressedlook,raisingabrowatme.

“What?”

“You’refreakingMackenzieHewitt…youcoulddoanything,goanywhere.Andyou’rechoosingto

becoopedupinyourapartmentallweekend?”

Shehadapoint.ButIdidn’treallyfeelcomfortablegoingoutwithoutWilliamorclosefriends.I

usuallyavoidedthepaparazziasmuchasIcouldandtheonlywaytodothatwastostayundertheradar.

“AndwhatexactlydoyouthinkIshouldbedoing?”Imocked,organizingmydeskandgettingready

toheadout.

“Shit,anything!JettotheBahamas!”

“Ohmygod,”Isaid,laughing.“Isthathowyouseeme?I’msurethat’showsocietyseesme.Poor

littlegold-diggingwhoremustuseallherfiancé’smoneytotravelandshop,right?”

Sheshotmeadisapprovinglookandshookherhead.“No,Ididn’tmeanitthatway.Ijustmeant…

youhavesomanyopportunities.”

“Iknow…Ijustdon’tfeelrightwhenit’snotwithWilliam.UnlessyouwannaflytotheBahamas

withme?”Iteased,shootingheranoverexaggeratedsmile.

“God,Iwish!”

Ilaughed,shakingmyheadather.“I’llprobablyorderinChinesefood,layaroundinmyPJ’s,and

watchsappyromancemovies.”

Shenarrowedherbrowsatme.“Ifonlysocietyknewwhatarealgold-diggingwhoreyoutrulyare,”

shesaidtauntingme,amusementlacedinhertone.

“Yup,they’dbesodisappointed.”

ASIWALKEDtoacabafterwork,ItextedStaci,Wanttograbdinnertonight?Ineedoutofthehouse.

IfIcouldn’tuseWilliamasashield,I’dneedtocomeupwithanotherplan.Stacialwayshadmy

back.AlthoughwhenItoldherabout‘meeting’Alexatdinnerlastweekendandthathe’dbemovingin,

sheaboutdiedoflaughter.

“I’msorry,Mac.Buttheirony…thefactthattheonetimeyoumessup,itcomesbacktolivewith

you.”

“Yes,it’shilarious.Nowcanyoustoplaughing?”

“I’mtrying…”

Iknewshemeantwell,andifithadbeenher,I’dprobablylaugh,too.Butitwasn’t.Itwasmy

reality.

Iwaslivinginhell.

Beforearrivingatmybuilding,myphonebeepedwithherresponse.Yes!Meetat8?

Soundsgood!ChineseorItalian?Itextedback.

HerresponsecamejustasIwalkedintotheelevator.IpreferanEnglishman…oh,wait,you’re

askingaboutthefood.Chinesethen;)

Ihateyou.Seeyouat8,Iwroteback,shakingmyheadather.

Youloveme.

Ismiledastheelevatorarrivedatmyfloor.Iknow,Irespondedback.

Idroppedthephoneinmypurseandtiptoedintotheapartment,hopingAlexwasn’thomeor

wouldn’thearmewalkin.Itwasdarkinside,soIflippedafewlightsonbeforewalkingintothekitchen.

MyeyeswidenedasIsawhewassittingatthebreakfastbarwithaglassofwhiskey.Williamkept

whiskeyandwineintheapartment,butwenormallyhaditwithdinner.

Ittooktwoglancestoreallygetagoodlookathim.Hewashunchedover,swirlingtheamberliquid

inhishandashiseyesremainedlow.Iwasn’tsurewhattomakeofit,soasplanned,Iwalkedpasthim

andgrabbedabottleofwateroutofthefridge.Iclosedthedoorandbeganwalkingoutwhenhespokeup.

“Mac…”Hisvoicewasrough,almostasifitpainedhimtosaymynamealoud.

Ispunaround,leavingmyeyeslowasIansweredhim,“Yes?”

Hedidn’tspeakrightaway.Hestoodupandwalkedtowardme,sendingashiverdownmybody.I

hadn’texpectedhimtogetup.“I’msosorry…Inevershould’ve—”

“Alex,stop,”Icutin,shakingmyhead.Hewasrightinfrontofme,hisbreathandclothessmelling

heavilyofalcohol.“Youaren’ttheonlyonetoblame.”

“Idon’tknowwhatitisaboutyou.Ifeelthispulltowardyou.Ican’tstayaway.”Hiseyesmetmine

andIswallowedathisheavyconfession.

“I’msorry…”wasallIwascapableofsayingbeforeturningaroundandwalkingaway.Icouldn’t

lethimseehowhiswordsaffectedme.IneededtogetreadytomeetStaciandclearhimfrommymind

completely.

IMETSTACIatourfavoriteChineserestaurantatexactlyeighto’clock.Shewasgiddyandbubblyas

usual,whichwasexactlywhatIneeded.AsmuchasIdidn’twanttothinkaboutAlex,Itoldherwhat

happenedthatmorning.Shecontinuedshovingforkfulsofchickenandriceintohermouth,completely

unaffected.

“Stace…didyoujusthearme?”Iasked,makingsuresheheardthepartwhereIwasnakedinthe

showerwithhislipsonme.

“Yes…Iheardyou.”

“Okay…aren’tyougoingtotellmewhatabadpersonIamandhowIshouldgorinsemybodyoff

withbleachorsomething?”

Shesnorted,shakingherheadatmeasshesmiled.“Mac,you’reabiggirl.You’recapableof

makingyourowndecisions.Plus,youshouldknowbynowthatIdon’tjudgeyou.”

“Ugh.”Isighed.

“What?”

“I’manawfulpersonandyou’rejustsittingtherestuffingyourface.”

Sheshruggedunapologetically.“Someofusactuallyliketoeatwhentheygoouttodinner.”

“Can’tyoujustyellatmeorsomething?Givemesomething.”

“Youhaveissues,butifthat’swhatyouwant,fine.You’reatrampylittlewhorewhocan’tkeepitin

herpantsandhavetodoahundredhail-Marys.Happy?I’mreadyfordessert.”Shetiltedherheadand

smiledwideatme.

Iburstintolaughterathercondescendingtone.“You’rethebest,thanks.”

“Anytime,whore.”

IpushedAlexoutofmythoughtsfortheremainderofthenight.Wewalkedtoapubafterandhada

fewdrinksbeforeIcheckedmyphoneandnoticedIhadfourtextmessagesfromAlexandonevoicemail

fromWilliam.

Icheckedthetextsfirst.

Weneedtotalk.Delete.

Don’tignoreme,Mac.Weliveunderthesameroof.Delete.

Imissyou.Pleasecomeback.Iblinked,readingoverthewordsmissyou.Hewasn’tallowedto

missme.Delete.

I’mgoingtomyroom.Pleasecometalktome.Delete.

IshookmyheadbeforelisteningtoWilliam’svoicemail.Hisvoicewassosmooth,genuine.Hehad

apologizedfornotcallingsooner,butsaidtherewasafewconcerningissuesinhismeetingstodayand

hadsomethingstotakecareof.Hewasnowfinishingdinnerandheadinginforthenight,butIwastocall

himfirstthinginthemorningbeforehislatemorningconference.

ItwasalmostmidnightbeforeIwasbraveenoughtogohome.Iwasreadyforbedandtoforgetthis

wholeday.

ChapterTen

Iwokeuparoundninea.m.andcalledWilliambeforehegottoobusy.Wetalkedbrieflyabouttheday

before,mystomachturnedeverytimehetoldmehowmuchhelovedandmissedme.

“Imissyou,too,”Itoldhim,whichIdid,butIcouldn’thelpthenaggingpullofguiltthatIfelt.

“I’llbehomelateSundaynight,darling.Ican’twaittoholdyou.”

Ismiled,anticipatinghimcominghome.He’dbeenworkingalotlately,gettingreadytobuyanother

company,butIalwaysmissedhimwhenIwasalone.

ButnowyouhaveAlex…anannoyingvoicesaidinmyhead.Ipusheditoutasfastasitcamein.

AlexwasnotsomeoneIwassupposedtobefillingmytimeupwith.Hewaslivinghereuntilhegot

hisshittogetherandthenhe’dbegone,justintimeforWilliam’sandmywedding.

Thethoughtmademesmile.Williamhadbeeninarushtosetadate,butItoldhimIneededsome

time.Iwantedtobuildmycareerandnamebeforetyingtheknot.Herespectedmywishesandallowed

metosetadatetwoyearsfromourengagement.Nowwewereayearawayandstillhadalottogetdone.

Imetwithourweddingplanneraboutonceamonthtomakesurewewerestillontrack.Thevenue

hadbeenbookedalreadyandwehadgottenourengagementpicturesdonealmostimmediately.Themedia

wastednotimecoveringourengagementassoonaswordleakedout.Ourpictureswereplasteredall

overtheInternetlikeanovernightsensation.

Ipulledanoversizedsweaterovermytanktopandwalkedtothekitchen.Iwasindesperateneedof

coffee.Aslighthangoverheadachewasapproaching,andIdidn’thavethepatiencetodealwithone.

Alexwasstandinginthekitcheninjustdarknavybluesweats,hisbacktome.IhatedthatInoticed

hischiseledbackmuscles,buthewasblockingthecoffeemakerthatIwascomingforinthefirstplace.

“Morning,”hesaidbeforeeventurningaround.

Isteppedforward,grabbingamugfromthecabinetbeforeresponding,“Goodmorning.”

“Imadecoffee.”Hespunaroundwithamugalreadyinhishand.Myeyesdroppedtohischestand

downhistorsobeforeblinkingthembackuptohisface.Heworeasmugsmileashetotallycaughtme

checkingouthisbodyandinsanelymusculararms.

Iclearedmythroatandshutthecabinetdoor.“Thanks,coffeewouldbegreat.”

Hepulledthepotoutandtiltedittowardmeandstaredatme.“I’mgoingtoactuallyneedyourmug

ifyouwantmetopouryousome.”

ItookacouplestepstowardhimuntilIwasjustwithinreachforhimtopouragenerousamount.I

swallowed,makingsuretokeepmyeyesoffhimasmuchaspossible.“Thankyou.”Istoodthere,waiting

forhimtomove,buthedidn’t.“Excuseme,”Isaid,walkingtowardthefridge,buthedidn’tbudge.“Ijust

wanttogetsomecream.”Thingswerefeelingawkwardandtensebetweenus,andIhatedthat.

Hepushedhisbodytothecounter,onlygivingmeafewinchesofroomtowalkpast.“Bemyguest.”

“You’rekindofinmyway.”

Heswunghisarmout,guidingmetothewherethefridgewas.“Lookslikeyouhaveplentyofroom

tome.”

Irolledmyeyesathisstupidattempttogetmeclosertohim.Igrittedmyteethandsaid,“Fine,bea

child.”IsteppedoverhislegsthatwerecrossedattheanklesandslightlybrushedpasthimasIopened

thefridgedoor.

“Ifyouwantedtotouchme,allyouhadtodowasask.”

Iscowledandfacedhim.“You’resuchanasshole.”Igrabbedthecreamerandslammedthefridge

shut.

“I’mnotandyouknowit.”

“Ishould’vejusthaditblack,”ImumbledtomyselfasIsteppedbackoverhim,ignoringhisattempt

topushhisbodycloser.

“Howlongdoyouplantoactlikethis?”Hisquestionshockedme,mybodyjerkinginresponse.

“Actlikewhat?”Iturnedaround,narrowingmybrowsindisapproval.

“Thatyoudespiseme,”hesaidbluntly.

Ithoughtabouthisquestionforamoment,realizingthiswasprobablyjustashardonhimasitwas

onme,buthewastheoneactinglikeanarrogantjerk.

“Iwouldn’thavetoifyou’dstoptryingtocrossboundarieswithmewhenyouknowit’s

inappropriate.”

“Inappropriate?”Helaughed,pissingmeoffmore.“Goodgod,it’slikeyou’reaStepfordWife.”

“YouknowwhatImean.”

“Youmean…thatI’mtemptingyou?ThatI’mgivingyousomethingmoretodesire?”Hetookastep

towardme,cagingmeinwithhisarmsaroundme.IsteppedbackasfarasIcouldbeforehittingtheback

ofthesink.“Ifyoudidn’tfeelittoo,there’dbenoissue.ButIknowforafactyoudo.”

Iswallowed,hatingthathewasright,butitdidn’tmeananything.Itcouldn’t.

“Justbecauseyourtechnique—”Iwavedafingerbetweenus,“—typicallyworksforothergirls,

doesn’tmeanit’sgoingtoworkonme.”

Hefurrowedhisbrowsandasked,“Andwhattechniquewouldthatbe?”

“Gettingwhatyouwant,whoyouwant.”Ipushedagainsthischest,needingthespace.“You’renot

usedtogirlssaying‘no’toyou.Youuseyourname,yourfather’spopularitytogainrespect,andtruthfully,

it’salittlepathetic,”Isnapped,thecourageI’dfeltquicklyleftashiseyesdarkened,gettingmoreintense.

Heleanedintomeandshotback,“Doyouseeanyothergirlshere?”

“Giveittime.”IheldmygroundasbestIcould.Hisfacethatclosetominewasmakingitalmost

impossibletothinkstraight.

Helaughedinmyface,adeep,throatylaughthatcameoutasifhewasamusedbymyantics.“Ifit’s

ontheInternet,itmustbetrue,right?”

Ihadlookedhimuplatelastnightwhensleepwouldn’tcometome.AlthoughItried,wanting

—needing—toforgetthatwholeday,itjustwasn’thappening.Mostofthestorieswerefromhisteenage

andearlycollegeyears,therehadn’tbeenanythingrecent,butIuseditagainsthimanyway.

“Isn’tthatthewaythegameworks?”

“Idon’tknowwhatgameyou’replaying,sweetheart,butIknowwhatyoufeltwhenyoukissedme.

YoufeelwhatIfeelandthere’snodenyingthat.”

Hiseyeslookedintomine,confidentandtenseasIstaredback.“Itdoesn’tmatter,Alex.It’snever

goingtoleadtoanything,soyoushouldjuststoptrying.”

“AndwhatifIdon’t?”

“You’rejustwastingyourtime.”

“I’mwillingtobetI’mnot,butifyouwanttobedelusional,finewithme.”Hepressedhischest

againstmeandbroughthisfaceclosertomine.“Iwasn’tsorryforwhatwedid,Mac.I’llneverbesorry

forthat.I’monlysorryyoufeltguiltyaboutitafterward.”

“Ifyoucaredaboutmeatalllikeyouclaim,you’dbackoff,Alex.”

Hehuffedinanamusedlaughter.“That’sonethingyoushouldlearnaboutme,Mac.Idon’tbackoff

onsomethingIwant.”Hegrippedmychinwithhisthumb.“Iwastryingtogetyououtofmymind,andI

failedmiserably.TheonlythingIwantfromyouisyou.Idon’tneedtoparadeyouaroundlikealittle

trophywifeorshowyouofftomyfriends.Onceyouseethat,you’llchangeyourmind.”Hedroppedhis

handandsteppedback,walkingawaywiththelastword.Itdidn’tmatteranyway.Ihadnothinglefttosay.

IDECIDEDTOorderinandhideinmybedroomallnight.IwasseethingoverAlex’slastwords.He

hadinsinuatedWilliamtreatedmelikeatrophywife,andIhadn’tevenhadenoughcouragetofightback.

Ineveroncethoughtthat,buthearingitfromAlex’smouthsetsomethingoffinsideme,andithadme

wonderingifthat’showtherestofsocietysawme,too.

IorderedSushifromaplacenearbyandwatchedTheHolidayonNetflix.BeforeImetWilliam,I

usedtowatchitwhenIwasdownorwentthroughfazesofself-pity.NowIwasinthemoodtowatchit

becauseitusuallycheeredmeup.AndIneededsomecheeringup.

ItwaswhenGraham—JudeLaw—knockedonCameronDiaz’sdoorandtheymetforthefirsttime

thatIrememberedmarkingAlexthatnight.Ihadseentheevidenceonhisbackside,butnomemoryof

doingit.

Irememberedseeinghisfaceabovemine,hisbodycoveringme.Idugmyfingersupanddownthe

lengthofhisassandback.Mylegswerespreadforhim,archingashesankdeeperanddeeperinsideme.

Isatupinbedasthememorycamebacktome…

“God,Iloveitwhenyoudothat,Mac,”hegrowled,nippinglightlyagainstthefleshofmyear.It

sentashiverdownmybodyasIarchedmyhipsuptogreethiseagerthrusts.

“I’mmarkingyouforalltheothergirlswhotrytogetnearyou,”Isaid,gigglinglightly,but

entirelyserious.

Heslowedhisrhythm,bringinghisheadtominesooureyeswerenowlocked.“Sweetheart,ifI

hadyou,I’dhavenoreasontobewithanothergirlfortherestofmylife.”

Isquinted,needingtomakesurethisguywasforreal.Iblushedbeforeresponding,“You’rejust

sayingthat…althoughyoudon’thaveto...I’malreadyunderneathyou.”

Helaughedlightly,movingagainstmeagain.“I’mnot,Mac.Youreallyareasweetthing.So

fuckinggorgeousandperfect.Ican’tbelieveanothermanhasn’tclaimedyouyet.”

IsoakedupthefeelingIhadfeltwhileweweretogether.ItriedtorememberwhatIsaidafterthat,

butnothingwascomingtome.AllIcouldrememberweremynailsdiggingintohimandhisbody

respondingbyfuckingmeharder.Ifeltafamiliaracheinbetweenmylegsjustthinkingaboutitand

wishedIcouldgobackintimetofixeverything.

DidItellhim?DidItellhimIhadafiancé?Andifheknew,why’dheletuscontinue?

IJUMPEDINmysleep,feelinghotandcoldatthesametime.Ifeltmystomachtwistandimmediately

rantothebathroom.EverythingIhadeatenearlierwasthreateningtocomebackupthesecondIthrewthe

coversoffthebed.

IranasfastasIcouldtothebathroomandaimedforthetoilet.MybodyshookasItriedtokeepmy

hairback.Icouldn’tcontainthesoundsmythroatmadeasthesushicameout.

Istartedcryingatthepain,mythroatburningandmybodyachingasIkneltonthecoldfloor.I

stoppedheavingforamoment,justlongenoughtograbsometoiletpaperandwipemymouthbeforemy

stomachturnedandstartedalloveragain.

BeforeIcouldgripmyhairagain,ahandcametomyneckandtwistedmyhairoutofmyhandsand

outofmyway.IknewitwasAlexbythewayhisbodyfeltagainstmine.Hisscenthitmeandanother

roundbegan.

Hegrabbedthehandtowelwithinreachandrubbeditgentlyagainstmymouth.Ididn’tlookathim,I

couldn’t.Thiswassoembarrassing,andIdidn’twanthimtoseemelikethis.

“Goaway,”Imumbled,keepingmyheaddown.Mystomachwasn’tdonewithmeyet.

“Shh…”

“Alex…leave.”

“I’mnotgoinganywhere,princess.You’resickandyouneedhelp.”Howdidheevenhearme?

“I’mfine,”Ichokedout,mythroatclosingupandburningwithacid.

Hewrappedmyhairinonefist,keepingitoffmyneckastheotherhandrubbedgentlyonmycheek.

“It’scomicalyouthinkI’mactuallygoingtolistentoyou.YouneedsomeonehereandsinceI’mtheonly

oneactuallyhere,you’rejustgoingtohavetoletthatsomeonebeme.”

Damnhim.Ididn’twanthimtobethatsomeone.

Liar.

Afteronelaststomacheruption,Ifinallystartedtofeelbetter.Hereleasedmyhairandwalkedaway

towetawashcloth.Whenhereturned,Ifinallyturnedtolookathim.

Badidea.

Hewasonlywearingapairofloose-fittingsweats.MyheartachedasItookhimin.Ididn’twantto

beattractedtohim,butclearly,Iwas.Ididn’twantmybodytoreacttohis,butitwassomethingI

couldn’thelp.

Beingattractedtohimwasdangerous.

Temptationwasanevilbitch.

“Here,you’reburningup.”Hepressedittomyforeheadandmyeyesclosedinresponse.Itfelt

amazingonmyskin.Ihadn’trealizedIhadafeveruntilnow.

“Thanks,”Iwhispered,keepingmyeyesclosed.Ibreathedinslowly,bringingmyhanduptohis

pressingonthewashcloth.Iexpectedhimtodrophishand,buthedidn’t.

“Lookatme,”hedemanded,hisvoicehoarse.Ishookmyhead.Lookingathimwouldbeahorrible

idea.Hedroppedhishand—myheartbeatspeedingupwhenhedidn’tbackaway.“Openyoureyes,

Mac.”

Hisvoicewaspleadingashesaidmyname,beggingmetolisten.IinhaledslowlyanddecidedI’d

havetofacehimeventually.AsIexhaled,Iopenedmyeyestohimstaringintentlyatme.Hisexpression

wastense,butassoonaswelockedeyes,hisfacesoftened.

“That’sbetter.”Hesmiledashecontinuedtorubmycheek.“Areyouallrightnow?”

Idroppedmyhand,holdingontothewashclothandsqueezeditbetweenmyfingers.Thiswas

awkwardanduncomfortable,andIjustneededoutofthere.

“Yeah,thanks.JustsomethingIateprobably.”Ishrugged,hopingitsatisfiedhim,butassoonasI

saidthosewords,mystomachstarteddoingsomersaultsagain.

“Okay,good.I’mgoingtogofindsomeTylenoland7-Upforyou.Waithere.”Hepushedbackonhis

kneesandstoodup.

“No,I’mfine,really—”

“Shutup,Mac,”Iheardhimsayashewalkedoutofthebathroom.

Assoonasheleft,Iturnedtowardthetoiletagain.Anotherwavehitmeandtherewasn’tanythingI

coulddoaboutit.Mystomachcrampedandsoon,Iwasonlyheavingandgagging.

God,thiswassohumiliating.

Iheardhisstepsrushbacktome,hisbodynexttomysideagain.Ididn’thavetheenergytospeakor

pushhimaway,soIjusttriedtoignorehim.Hebeganrubbingmyback,slowlyandsoftlyasmythroat

burned,andIfelttheintenseneedtoscratchitout.

Hepulledmyhairbackagain,soothingmeashecontinuedtorubmybackasIsanktothefloor.I

wipedmymouthonthetowelagainandsurrendered.

“C’mon,Mac.Youneedtoliedown.”

Igroaned,mumblingsomethinginaudible.

“Allright,hangon,”hesaidquickly,butbeforeIcouldregisterhiswords,Ifelthisonearmwrap

undermylegsandtheothertookmywaist.Heliftedmetohischestandbegancarryingmeoutofthe

bathroom.“Youlooklikeshit.”

Iheardtheamusementinhistone,butatthatmoment,Iwantedtopunchhimintheface.

Heplacedmeonmybedandtuckedmylegsunderthecovers.Mybodyfeltsoheavy,tooheavyto

moveonmyown.Ilethimadjustmeandpropmyheadonthepillow.

“Mac,youneedtotakeyourshirtoff.It’sfilledwithspitandvomit.”

“No…”Icried,turningmyheadawayfromhim.Ididn’thavetheenergytochangeshirtsrightnow.I

heardhisfootstepswalkawayandreturninunderthirtyseconds.

“Canyousitup?”

“No.”

“Canyouliftyourarms?”

“No.”

“You’rekillingme,Mac.I’mtryingtobedecenthere.”Icouldhearthestruggleinhistone,but

honestly,Ididn’tcare.Mybodyfelttooawfultocareaboutwearingadirtyshirt.

Hesatonthebednexttomeandliftedmybodyuptohis.Hepulledthehemofmyshirtandstarted

pullingituptowardmyhead.Iyankedmyarmsdown,notwantinghimtoseemybarechest,buthejust

pulledharder.

“It’snothingIhaven’tseenbefore,keepyourarmsup,”hedemanded.

“I’mnotachild,”Iwhined.

“Ididn’tsayyouwere.Butyouneedtoputacleanshirton.”

“I’mnotwearingabra.”ThereIsaidit.

Ifeltthebedvibrateagainstmeashishandscontinuedgrippingmyshirt.Washelaughingatme?

Hewas.

“Sweetheart,asmuchasI’dlovetoburymyheadinbetweenyourtits,youhavethelingeringsmell

ofvomitandsickness.Nottomention,you’realmostunconscious.Sojusttrustmeandletmehelpyou.”

Isurrenderedandlethimcontinuepullingmyshirtoff.Ileftmyarmsupwhileheputanewoneover

myhead.“There,muchbetter.”Ihalf-openedmyeyestoseehimsmilinggenuinelyatme.Whywashe

beingsonicetome?“Takethese.”Heopenedhispalmwithtwowhitepills.Itookthemfromhimandput

theminmymouth.Igrabbedtheglasshehadwaitingformeonthebedsidetable.

Ifelthiseyesonme,staringintentlyatme.Iwasn’tsurewhy,butIcouldn’tfinditinmetosay

anything.Ididn’twanttobreakthismoment.HewastakingcareofmeandIcouldn’tunderstandwhy.

“Layback,”hesaid.MybodyfellbacktothebedandbothcomfortandreliefrippledthroughmeasI

sunkintothemattressandpillow.

Hepulledthecoversovermeandtuckedmein,fluffingthecomforteraroundme.“Youneedsleep,

Mac.”Inodded,closingmyeyestightagain.Ifelthislipsagainstmyforeheadastheyendedupstayinga

beatlongerthannecessary,butIcouldn’thelpbutlovethefeelingitgaveme.Alexwasbacktobeing

sweetAlex.

IhadbeguntodozeoffwhenIfeltAlexcomeintobedbehindme.Iwastootiredtosayanything,so

Ilethimpullmetowardhimashewrappedanarmaroundme.Hebroughthishanduptomyfaceand

brushedthehairbackoffmyshoulderashewhispered,“Goodnight,princess.”

Mybodyrelaxedandmoldedintohis.Itfeltnicetobeheldagain.Mybodycravedhistoucheven

thoughIdidn’twantto.Icouldn’t.Butwithhisbodynexttomine,andhissteadybreathsagainsttheflesh

ofmyneck,Icouldn’thelpbutenjoyit.

Justthisonetime,Itoldmyself.Isunkdeeperintohimandfellasleep.

ChapterEleven

Iwokeupthenextmorningtoanemptybed.Ifeltbetter,mystomachalittlequeasybutnotanywherenear

asbadasbefore.Ikickedthecoversoffandwenttothebathroom,noticingAlexcleanedeverythingup

already.Youcouldn’ttelllastnighthadevenhappened.Andforsomereason,myheartpoundedpainfully

atthethought.IhatedtoadmithowsleepinginAlex’sarmswasoneofthebestnight’ssleepI’dhadina

longtime.

WhenIreachedformyphone,IsawWilliamhadleftmeanearlymorningvoicemail.Hesaidhe’d

beheadingoutlateafternoonandwouldgetinaroundtenp.m.Iknewhe’dclimbintobedthesecondhe

arrivedhome,sowewouldn’tbeabletotalkmuchuntilafterworkonMonday.

Mystomachwasgrowlingforsomething,anything,butIwasn’tsureifIcouldfaceAlex.Hetook

careofmeinallofmydelusionalstateandwascompletelygenuine.Whycouldn’tIgetthatAlexallthe

time?

Afteranothertenminutes,IdecidedIcouldn’ttakeit.IneededtoeatsomethingandIneededcoffee.

Imademywayouttoanentirelyquiethouse.RelieffloodedthroughmewhenIwalkedintothekitchen

anditwasclear.

Thankgod.

Iwasn’tsureIcouldfacehimafterlastnight.Iwasembarrassed,butevenmorebecauseIlethim

laywithmeuntilIfellasleep.

Iturnedthecoffeemakeronandbeganrummagingthroughthefridge.Ipulledoutacartonofeggs,

slicedcheese,andmilk.Iseteverythingdownonthecounterandslammedthedoor,shriekingwhen

Alex’sfaceappearedfrombehindthedoor.

“Hungry?”heaskedsmugly,asmileplayingonhislips.

“Jesus!”Igasped,bringingahandtomychestandpoundingheart.“Don’tdothat!”

“Sorry.”Hegrinned,crossinghisarmsoverhisbroadchest.

“Sureyouare.”Iturnedandgrabbedthefryingpan,tryingtoignorehispresence,butIknewitwas

goingtobeimpossible.

“Here,letme.”Hecamearoundmeandtookthecartonofeggs.

“Icanmakemyownbreakfast.”

“I’msureyoucan.I’mjustofferingtohelp.”

Istoodbackandwatchedhim.Hisfacewasrelaxed,anditwasthenIrealizedhewasfullydressed

forthedayalready.Istartedtofeelbad,knowinghewasprobablyupallnightwithme,andhehad

somewheretobetoday.

“Itmustbeexhausting,”Imurmured,notreallycaringifheheardmeornot.Ifoundabowlandsetit

infrontofhim.

Hebegancrackingtheeggsintothebowlandthenasked,“Whatmustbeexhausting?”

IwalkedovertothebreadbinandstartingtakingslicesoutasIcasuallyanswered,“Having

multiplepersonalities.”

Iturnedandsawhischestriseandfall.Hewaschuckling,butbarelymakinganysound.“Idon’t

havemultiplepersonalities.That’dbeyourareaofspecialty.”

Isetoutfourslicesofbreadandwrappedthebagbackupbeforeputtingitaway.“Whyareyounice

tomeonesecondandanassholethenext?”Iaskedbluntly.

Weworkedinsynchronizationaswebattledbackandforth.HewhippedtheeggsasIpeeledthe

slicedcheeseandthrewthemintothebowlofeggs.

“I’mnotanasshole,Mac,”hesaidsoftly,almostasifithurttosaythewords.Idroppedit,deciding

Ididn’twanttohavethisconversation.It’dgonowhere,andI’djustwalkoutpissedandfrustrated.

HehandedmethebowlofeggssoIcouldpourthemilkin.Scrambledeggsweremyfavorite,andI

alwaysmadethemwithmilkandcheese.Withoutmetellinghim,heseemedtoknowexactlyhowIliked

them.

Ihandedthebowlbacktohimandturnedontheburner.Itoldhimwherethecookingspraywas,and

hesprayedthepanasIputthebreadinthetoaster.Weworkedlikethisuntiltwoplateswerefilledwith

eggsandtoast,andwesattogetheratthebreakfastbar,notsayingaworduntilmyplatewasalmost

finished.

“Youremember,don’tyou?”heasked,breakingthesilence.Ididn’thavetoaskwhathemeant.

Iknew.

“No.”Icontinuedstaringdownatmyplate.

“Yes,youdo.Youcanfeelit.Theenergybetweenus.YoufeelwhatI’mtryingtofightforandnow

you’retryingtofightagainstit.”

“No.Yes…Imean…Iremembersome.”

“Isthatwhyyouwon’tevenlookatme?”

Isighedanddroppedmyfork,turningtolookathim.“Whatdoyouwantmetosay,Alex?Ialready

toldyouitwasahugemistake.”

“Youonlysaythatbecauseyouthinkthat’showyou’resupposedtofeel.Sotellmewhywecan’t

stayawayfromeachother.WhydoweconnectbetterthanI’veeverconnectedwithanyoneinmylife?”

“Well,becausewe’rebeingforcedtoliveinthesamehouse,Alex.”

“That’sjustanexcuse,Mac.Ifyoutrulycouldn’tstandme,you’dgostayatahotelorafriend’s

house.You’dfindanyreasontogetoutofthishouse.”

“Well,Ipreferbeinghome.Sosueme.”

“Stopmakingexcuses,”hedemanded,hisvoicelowandrough.

“I’mnot.”

Itremainedsilentuntilhespokeupagain.“SotheonlythingI’vebeenabletodigupaboutyour

childhoodwasthatyouweren’tbroughtupfrommoney.Caretoelaborate?”heasked,forkinghispileof

eggsbutkeepinghisheadlow.

Wedidn’tmakeeyecontact,andIfeltreliefknowingwecouldtalkwithouthavingtodoso.

“There’snotmuchtosay.Ididn’tgrowuprich.”

“What’sthatmean?Middleclass?”

Ilaugh-snorted.“Notevenclose.”

Heturnedhisbodytolookatme,butIkeptmyeyesdown.“Thentellme.”

“Whydoyoucare?”

“Becauseit’spartoftheget-to-know-you-bettertaskmyfatherhasputmeupto.”Icouldseehim

smirkingoutofthecornerofmyeye.Bastard.

“I’msurehemeantonamorecasuallevel,”Iretorted,stabbinganotherpieceofeggmuchharder

thannecessary.

“We’rebeyondcasual,Mac.C’mon,justtellme.I’minterested.”

Isighedasmyshouldersslumped.Hewasn’tgoingtoletthisgo.

“Ididn’tgrowupwithadad,”Istarted.“Wedidn’thavealotofmoney.Sometimesnoneatall.”I

continuedeating,tryingtoremainunaffected.Ihatedtalkingaboutmychildhood,andevenWilliamonly

knewbitsandpieces.

“Whathappened?”

“Nothinghappened.Wewerejustpoor.Mymomcouldn’tkeepajob.Shewasn’tmentallystable.So

we’dmovedfromstatetostatetryingtosurvive.”

“Didyoustaywithfamilythen?Whileyoumovedaround?”

Ha…whatfamily?

“No.”Iswallowed.“Nofamily.”

Hewentsilent,hislipsformedintoatenseline.“Sothenwhatdidyoudo,Mac?”

“It’sinthepast,Alex.I’drathernottalkaboutit.”

HegrabbedmyarmandpulledmesoI’dtofacehim.Icouldseefearandangerinhisface,hiseyes

fierceandhooded.“Tellmewhatyoudidthen,Mac,”hedemanded.

“Wewerehomeless,Alex!”Ishouted.“Areyouhappynow?Iwashomelessformostofmyteen

years.Mymothercouldn’tgethershittogetherandIpaidforit.”

Hecursedandrubbedhishandoverhisjawlineinfrustration.Icouldseefromhisbodylanguage

thatitwasaffectinghimforsomereason.“Alex…”Hiseyeswerefocusedonsomethingelse.“Alex,”I

saidagain.Igrabbedhishandcausinghimtojump,andthenhiseyesfinallywentsoftwhenImadehim

lookatme.“It’sinthepast.It’snothingtobeupsetaboutnow.Isurvived.Ihadto.”

“Isthatwhyyou’rewithhim?”heasked,bringinghisbodytowardmineagain.“Youfeelsafewith

him,that’sit,isn’tit?”

“No,”Igrittedthroughmyteeth,grabbingmyplateandwalkingtothesink.“ImovedtoNewYork

CityyearsbeforeIevenmetWilliam.IstayedinhomelesssheltersasIworkedduringmyinternship.

AfterWilliamandIhadbecomeexclusive,Iwashiredonandfoundthreeotherpeopletoroomwith.It

wasn’tuntilwewereengagedthatImovedin.Isavedmoney.Allofit.Ionlyspentwhatwasnecessary.”

Hehuffedahumorouslaughatme.“Well,lookslikeyoudidagoodjobatupgrading.”

Idroppedmyplatedramaticallyinthesinkandlaughedtomyself.“Andhe’sback,ladiesand

gentleman.”Istartedtowalkoutandcontinued,“Gofuckyourself,Alex.”

“Noneedto,sweetheart,whenIhaveyoujustdownthehallwayfromme,”Iheardhimyellbackat

me,butIwasalreadydownthehallanddoneplayinghisstupidgames.Enoughwasenough.

WILLIAMSURPRISEDMEbycominghomeearly.Ihadgonetobedearly,beforesevenp.m.I

couldn’ttakeanymore,andIjustneededtosleepitoff.

Heshiftedonthebed,grabbingthecoversandcoveringupbeforemoldinghisbodytomine.I

lookedattheclockandsawthatitwasonlyeight-thirty.

“Mm,you’rehomeearly.Whatanicesurprise.”Hedidn’trespondsoIcurledmybodyupcloserto

hisandfelthiminhaleagainstmyneck.“Howwasyourtrip?”Iasked,butagain,hedidn’trespond.

Instead,hecurledhishandaroundmybreastashiserectionpushedagainstthesmallofmyback.I

moanedandbitmylipasIclosedmyeyes,archingmybackintothehardnessofhiscock.“Ifiguredyou’d

beexhausted,darling.”Againnothing.“William?”

“Sweetheart,ifIhadyouinmybedwaitingeverynight,I’dneverleavetown.”

MyeyesshotoutofmyheadasIheardAlex’svoice,notWilliam.Ikickedandrolledoutofbed

screaming,“Alex!Whatthefuckareyoudoing?Getout!”

“Mac,calmdown.”Hewalkedaroundthebedandsteppedinfrontofme.

“Iwillnotcalmdown.Youhadnorighttotouchmelikethat.”Ipushedagainsthischest,buthe

didn’tflinch.

“Youdidn’tseemtohaveaproblemwithitasecondago.”

“That’swhenIthoughtyouwereWilliam!”

“Didyouenjoyit?”

“What?”Igasped,takingastepback.

“ThewayIwastouchingyou,”heclarified.“Youlikedit.Yourbodyrespondedimmediately.”

“That’snotfair,Alex.Ididn’tknowitwasyou,”Idefended.

“Doesyourbodyrespondtohimlikethat?Doeshemakeyoumoan?”hecontinuedasking.

“Getout,”Isaidfirmly,myfacetenseandeyesreadytoburstintotears.

“Doeshemakeyourtoescurlwhenyoucomeorfuckyousodeepyouscream?”hecontinued.

“Stopit,”Ibegged.

“Comeon,Mac,tellme.DoeshefuckyouuncontrollablylikeIdid?DeepandhardasIdevoured

yourmouthandpussy.”

“Alex!Enough!”Iscreamed,clenchingmyeyestightly.Itriedtopushtheimagesout.Beggedthem

togoaway,buttheywouldn’t.Imarchedtowardhimandbeganpushinghimoutthedoor.“Alex,out!I

meanit!

Hegrippedmywrist,stoppingmypatheticattemptsatmovinghim.

“Whyareyoulyingtoyourself,Mac?Youmaythinkyoulovehim,butyoufuckedme.You.Fucked.

Me.Andyoulovedit,Mac.Youenjoyeditsofuckingmuch,youbeggedmenottostop.Youcouldn’ttake

ityetyoucriedoutformore.Youwereaddicted,Mac.Youhadn’tknownwhatwasgooduntilIshowedit

toyou.Andyoucanfightitallyouwant,butyourbodyknows.Itwantsme.Youwantme.Stopfighting

me.”

Ishookmyheadastearsfelldownmyface.“Ican’t.Iwon’t.Williamisgood.He’sgoodtomeand

doesn’tdeservethis.Whatkindofsontriestostealtheirdad’sfiancéeandhappiness?Whodoesthat?”I

scowled.

“Someonewhoknowshe’swiththewronggirl...“

“Youdon’tknowthat,”Iretorted.

“Ido.Youbelongwithme,Mac.Nothim.”

Ishookmyheadagain.“Youdon’tknowanythingaboutme.”

Heignoredmystatementandcontinued,“It’sthemoney,right?Thefinancialsecuritythatkeepsyou

around?”

“Howdareyou!”Ishoutedasangrytearsspouteddownmycheeks.Icouldonlyimaginehowawful

Ilookedatthatmoment,butIdidn’tcare.I’dneverbeenthismadinmyentirelife.

“Imean,thesexcan’tbethatgood.It’sgottabethemoney.Orperhapsthehouse?Theendless

supplyofdesignerclothes?Howaboutneverhavingtobuyamealagain?Whichoneisit?”hetaunted

withcompletelackofcompassioninhisvoice.

“Ihateyou,”Ihissed.“Itoldyoumypastinconfidenceandnowyou’regoingtothrowitbackinmy

face?”Iwenttoslaphim,buthecaughtmywristandpulledmetowardhim,keepingmehostageagainst

hisbroadchest.

“Sweetheart,youcanfightitalldayandnight.I’llstillneverletyougo.”

HereleasedmeatthesametimeIwhippedmyarmback.“Getout.Now.”

Hefinallysteppedbackandwalkedoutofthebedroom.Myheartwaspoundingasmoretearscame

downwithfullforce.

ChapterTwelve

IfeltlikeanidiotforgivingAlexthatpartofme.Irarelytalkedaboutmypast.NotevenWilliamknew

theintimatedetailsandthatwashowIwantedit,butwithAlex…somethingshifted.Iloweredmyguard

andfeltsafetalkingtohim.Perhapsit’sbecausewe’rethesameageandIfelthecouldunderstand,butI

waswrong.Heonlyusedittogetbackatme,andnowIhatedhim.Hedidn’tevenrealizehowhardthat

wasformetotalkabout.

Williamtextedmeatnine-thirtylettingmeknowhisflightwasdelayedandnottowaitupforhim.It

wasgoodtimingtoobecauseIneededtogetmyselfbacktogether.ItwasonlythefirstweekendAlexhad

beenhereandit’salreadybeenhell.Hewouldn’tgetthehintandhewasmakingitnearlyimpossibleto

forgetwhatwedid.

Icouldn’texplainit.IwishedIcould,butmybodyrememberedhim.Themomenthepressedhis

bodyintomine,Irelaxedandsurrenderedtohim.IhadthoughtitwasWilliam,butmybodyknew.The

waymybodytingledandheated,howjustthetipsofhisfingerssentshiversdownmybody,ortheway

hislipsmadearousalbuildupinsideme.TherewassomethingaboutAlexthatseemedunforgettable.

SomethingaboutthatnightthatconnectedusinawayIcouldn’tunderstand.

OnceIcalmeddown,Irealizedwhathurtthemostwerehisquestionsaboutmyreasonsforbeing

withWilliam.Ididn’tappreciatethemediaridiculingme,butithurtworsecomingfromAlex.Ididn’t

likebeingsecond-guessed.IknewmyreasonsforbeingwithWilliamwerelegitandreal.Onaconscious

level,themoneyandfamenevercameintotheequation,butIknewpeopleassumeditdid.

IneverquestionedmyattractiontoWilliam.Itwasalmostimmediate,andwhenheshowedmethe

sideofhimthemediadidn’trecognize,Iknewourlovewasrealandgenuine,too.

IWOKEUPbeforethesun,shiftingfromsidetoside,unabletofallbackasleep.Williamwasnexttome

now.Imust’vepassedoutbeforehearrivedbackhome.

“Goodmorning,beautiful.”Heturnedandsmiled,rubbinghisthumbsoftlyagainstmycheek.

“Sorry,didIwakeyou?”Iaskedwithconcern.Iknewhecouldn’thavesleptmuch.

“No,justmyinternalclock.NevershutsoffnomatterwhattimeIgotobed.”

“Doyouhaveabusyscheduletoday?”

“No,actually.Ihadmostofmymorningmeetingscanceled.Ihavealateafternoonconferencecall

though.”Hepulledmybodytohis,wrappinganarmaroundmyshoulders.Ipressedmycheektohis

chest,puttinganarmaroundhiswaistaswejustlaytheretogether.Williamwasingoodshape,notthathe

hadmuchtimetoworkout,buthekepthimselfactiveenough.Irememberseeinghimnakedforthefirst

timeandthinkinghedidn’tlookanythinglikeIhadimagined.Helookedbetter.

Igroanedatthesoundofmyalarmclock.“Dammit.”Iquicklyrolledoverandturneditoffandthen

turnedbacktolieinhisarmsagain.“Ijustwanttostaylikethisallday.”Iwiggledmybodyagainsthim,

nuzzlingmyfacedeeperandfirmeragainsthim.ItwasmomentslikethisthatIjustknewWilliamcould

makemehappyfortherestofourlives.Allthedoubt,alltheinsecuritiesofmypastevaporatedwhenI

gotWilliamlikethis.Justus.

Hebrushedhisfingersthroughmyhair,slowlyandsoftly,aswelaytogetherforanotherfive

minutes.Eventually,Ikissedhimandhadtostartgettingreadyforwork.Iwasbuttoningupmyshirtwhen

William’shandslandedonmyhips,hismouthinthenapeofmyneck.Ishivered,feelinghishandsandhot

breathonme.Williamwasalwaysresponsivetome,andIwastohim,butlately,ourscheduleskeptus

fromreallyspendingtimetogether.

“How’dtheweekendgowithAlexander?”heasked,stillpressedtome.Mybodytensed,butItried

mybesttorelaxsohewouldn’tnotice.ThelastpersonIwantedtotalkaboutwasAlex,butIknewIhad

toactasifitdidn’tbotherme.

“Fine.HeunpackedandIcooked.Nothingmajor.”

Heleanedforwardandkissedthetopofmyhead.“Good.Ihopehecomesbackaround.”

Iturnedtofacehimandasked,“Didsomethinghappenbetweenyoutwo?Youguysseemtobutt

headsalittle.Orperhapsit’sjusttheLancastertestosterone.”Ismiledalittlesohewouldn’ttakeme

completelyserious,butIreallydidwanttoknow.

“Justthingsinthepastwithus.Noworries.He’llbefine.”Hedippedhisheadandkissedmycheek,

givingmeavagueresponsethathetypicallydoeswheneveritdealswithAlexorhislatewife.Inever

pushedit.Iwantedhimtotellmeonhisownterms.Iknewwhatitwasliketowanttokeepthingshidden,

notwantingtoconsciouslythinkofthem,soIalwaysletitgo.

BYWEDNESDAY,MYschedulewasbacktothecrazyroutineoflongworkhoursandcominghomejust

intimetoseeWilliambeforehewenttobed.Wewereusedtoseeingeachotherjustacouplehoursat

nightbeforebedandsometimesinthemorningbeforewebothleftforwork.Itworkedforus.Itmadethe

timesweweretogetherthatmuchmorespecial.

IavoidedAlexliketheplague.Hewasbusypreparingforjobinterviews,andIwasbusykeeping

myselfawayfromhim.AfterthestunthepulledSundaynight,Iwantedasmuchdistancebetweenusas

possible.

IwokeuplateThursday,hittingthesnoozebuttononetoomanytimes.Ihurriedandgotready,

rushingoutthedoorbeforestoppinginthekitchentograbsomethingtoeatsinceIwouldn’thavetimeto

stopanywhere.

WhenIreachedthefridge,Isawasmallbrownbagwithpinkletteringonit.Itwasfromthebakery

afewblocksdownsoIpeekedinside.Therewasabagelwithasmallcreamcheesecupandaplastic

knife.Iheldituptomynoseandinhaledtheraisinandcinnamonscent.Itwasmyfavoriteflavor.

IsmiledasIthoughtofWilliammakingsureIhadsomethingtoeatonmywayout.Iopenedthe

fridgeandgrabbedawaterbottlebeforemakingmywayout.

“Goodmorning,”IheardAlex’svoicefromtheotherdoorway.Icringed,reallyhopingI’ddodge

himthisearlyinthemorning.

“Notnow,Alex.”Iwasn’tinthemoodforhiscrap.Istuffedthewaterbottleandbagelintomybag

andbeganwalkingtowardthefrontdoor.

“Notnow,what?”heasked,followingbehindme.

“Notnow,you.”Iturnedaroundtoglareathim,buthewassmirkingatme.“What’sfunny?”

“You’readorableinthemorning.”Heleanedagainstthedoorwayofthehallwayandcrossedhis

arms.Hiseyesburnedintomine.

Iturnedaround,grabbingthedoorhandleandhissed,“Screwyou,Alex.”

“Anytime,sweetheart.Justsaytheword,”hereplied.Iglancedathimbriefly,whichendedupbeing

abadidea.Hissmuggrinonlypissedmeoffmore,soIflippedhimthebirdandyankedopenthedoor.

“Enjoyyourbagel,”hecalledoutrightbeforeIslammedthedoorshutonhim.God,hewas

infuriating.

AsIarrivedatmyoffice,Iburiedmyselfinasmuchworkaspossible.Irespondedtoemails,made

appointments,andevenre-organizedmydeskasIstuffedmyface.Myassistantwasonvacationstarting

today,soImadesureIwouldn’tbeoverbookedbuthadjustenoughtokeepmebusy.

“Havetimeforalunchdate?”

MyheadpoppedupassoonasIheardWilliam’svoice.InearlyscreamedasIsawhimstandingin

frontofmydesk.“Ohmygod!Whatareyoudoinghere?”Ijumpedupandroundedmydesk,wrappingmy

armsaroundhim.

“IjustthoughtI’dcomeandsurprisemyfiancéeandtakeherouttolunch.Isthatallright?”He

smiledandkissedmyforehead.“That’sifyouhavetime.”

“Ofcourse!”

IpeekedintoLaura’sofficeandtoldherIwastakingmylunch.Shewasonthephoneandwavedme

out,soItookthatasanokay.IgrabbedmypurseandledWilliamtotheelevatorwherewediscussed

wheretogoforlunch.

“Sowhatareyouinthemoodfor?”

“Hm…”Ihadn’teventhoughtaboutlunch,butnowthathementionedit,Iwasquitehungry.That

bagelhelpedabit,butitwasfromhoursago.“There’sacutelittledelijustafewblocksfromhere.”

“Whereveryou’dlike,darling.”Hesteppedintotheelevatorandcuppedmyface,lookingdeepinto

myeyes.

“Yes?”InervouslysuckedmylipinbetweenmyteethasIlookedbackintohis.

“Nothing.”Heshruggedandsmiled.“Youjustlookreallybeautifultoday.”

“Thankyou.”Ismiledbackandwelcomedhislipsasheleanedinandplacedhismouthagainst

mine.

IsoakedinthemomentsWilliamandIhadtogether.Thereweren’tmanylikethis,buttheywere

special.Ilovedhavinghisattentiononjustme,evenifitwasonlyforashortlunch.

“Theturkeyclubisreallygood,”Isaidaswestoodinline,waitingforourturn.“Butyou’llhaveto

clarifyyoudon’twantthebacon.”

“ButwhatifIwantthebacon?”hemocked,chancingaglanceatme.

Iscowled,shakingmyheadathim.“Thenyou’lldie,”Irepliedbluntlyaswemadeourwaytothe

cashier.

“Idoubtthat,”washislastremarkbeforeweplacedourorderandfoundasmalltabletositat.

Ishookmyheadashetookalarge,exaggeratedbiteintohissandwich,which,bytheway,heleftthe

baconon.IbitintomychickenchipotlePaninijustashisphonestartedtoring.

IsighedasIrippedthecoveroffmyfat-freestrawberryyogurt.“Doyouhavetoanswerthat?”

Hepulleditoutofhisdressshirtpocketandcheckedthenamebeforesilencingit.“I’llcallthem

back.”

“Thankyou.”

WEMADELIGHTconversationuntilmostofourlunchwasfinishedandthenIrememberedIneededto

askhimabouthisupcomingschedule.“Whenareyouflyingoutagain?

“NextTuesday.IhavetobeinDallasforaneveningmeetingandthenfromthereI’mflyingoutto

LA.”

“Whenwillyoubeback?”

“Thursdayevening,darling.ThenIhaveanearlyconferencecallFriday.ButI’mhomeoverthe

weekend.”

“That’sgreat.”Ismiled,hatingthathe’dbesobusy.“You’llbearoundthisweekend?”

“Yes,Ibelieveso.Why?”

Isippedmydrinkbeforeanswering,“Myevent?”Iprompted,alittleirritatedthathe’dforgotten.

“Oh,yes.Ofcourse,darling.”Ismiledhappyhehadatleastclearedhisscheduleforit.I’vebeen

lookingforwardtoitformonthsandwasnervousjustthinkingaboutit.

ChapterThirteen

Isteppedintothekitchenandsawanotherbrownbagwithpinkletteringonit.Igrabbeditandinstantly

smelledthedeliciousscentofcinnamon.Ipeekedinandsawanotherbageljustlikethemorningbefore.I

wasgettingprettyfondofWilliam’snewhabit.

Igrabbedaplateandsetthebagelandcreamcheeseonit.Ipouredaglassoforangejuiceandsat

downtoquicklyeat.I’dhavetoleaveintenminutesifIwantedtogettoworkontime.

“Goodmorning,”IheardAlexbeforeIsawhim,butmybodyinstantlyreacted.Isatuptaller,my

bodytensingjustatthesoundofhisvoice.

Iswallowedandanswered,“Morning.”Iwasstillactivelytryingtoavoidhim,butIknewIcouldn’t

forlong.HeseemedtofindwaystointerruptanyquietandalonetimeIhad.“You’reupearly,”Isaidjust

beforeseeingthathewasinrunningshortsandsweatwasdrippingfromhisbarechest.Hishairwas

slickedbackandhisbodylookedtightasifhehadjustworkedout.“Yourun?”Iasked,abitshockedI

didn’tknowthisbeforenow.

“Yes.”Hewalkedtothefridgeandgrabbedabottleofwaterout.

“Sincewhen?”Iaskedbutthenshovedabiteofbagelinmymouth.Ishouldbeignoringhim.

Avoidinghim.Anythingbuttalkingtohimwhilehestoodlookinglikethatinfrontofme.

“Keepingtabsonmenow?”Icouldtellhewassmirkingbytheflirtytoneinhisvoice.

“No.Wasjustasking.”

“Goodlooksandtightmusclesdon’tjusthappenovernight.”

“You’resoarrogant,”Ispatout,finishingmyjuiceandbagelsoIcouldgetthehelloutofthere.

“I’dsayconfident,whichmostchicksdig,bytheway.”Hewinked,andIwantedtoslapthatstupid

grinrightoffhisface.Heknewwhathewasdoing,andIwasn’tgoingtolethim.

“Well,goodthingI’mnotmostchicks.I,forone,haveabrain.”

“Well,thenit’sagoodthingIknowwhatyourfavoritebagelis.Brainfoodisimportant,youknow,”

hesaid,amusementlayheavilyinhistone,andIsuddenlyfelttheurgetothrowsomethingathim.

“Thebagelsarefromyou?”Iaskedshockedandabitpissedoffatmyselffornotconsideringit.

“That’sright,sweetheart.Gladtoknowyou’reenjoyingthem.”

“How’dyouknowmyfavoriteflavor?”Iaskedabitself-conscious.

Hewalkedtowardme,eyesfocusedonmeandintense.“Iknowalotaboutyou.”

Iswallowedandlethiseyescaptivatemeforamoment.Ishookmyhead,needingtobreakthe

tension.Iquicklystoodupandwalkedtothesink.“Oh,yeah…Ihearit’srealhardtonavigateGoogle.”

“EverythingIknowaboutyouisfromexperienceandobservation,Mac.Idon’tneedGoogle,”he

saidseriously,hisvoicealmostpainedfromtheaccusation.

“You’veknownmeforlikefiveminutes,Alex.”

“Actually,I’veknownyouforalmostthreeweeks,Mac.Iknowit’snotahellofalotoftime,but

everysecondhascountedinsomeway.”

“Well,itdoesn’tmatteranyway.Eventually,you’llmoveout,andI’llonlyhavetoputupwithyouon

holidaysandbirthdays,”Isaidsmugly,hopingtopisshimoff.

Iturnedaroundtograbmythingstoleave,buthewasstandingdirectlybehindmeandcagedmein

withhissolidarms.“I’llguaran-fucking-teeyou,holidaysandbirthdayswouldneverbeenoughwithyou.

I’lldowhateverittakestomakesureofit.”

“You’recrazy,youknowthat?Stopchasingaftersomethingyou’llnevercatch,”Ithreatenedand

meaningeveryword.

“Oh,sweetheart,”hesays,amusementthickinhistoneashelookeddownatmeandsmirked.

“You’reignorantifyouthinkallyouareisachaseforme.Ifthatwerethecase,I’dpushthatskin-tight

skirtoveryourhipsandfuckyouupagainstthiscounter.”Iswallowedasheleanedinevencloser,

grazinghislipsagainstmineashecontinuedjustaboveawhisper,“I’vealreadyhadatasteofyou…on

mytongue,onmycock.I’vealreadybeenburieddeepinsideofyouasyourtitsbouncedinmyface.I

didn’tneedtochasethathardinthefirstplace,soifthatwerethecase,I’dstopwantingyou.”

“Youcan’ttalktomelikethat.”

“Sayswho,princess?”

Angerboiledinmybloodashechallengedme.Thewayhewaslookingatme,remindingeverycell

inmybodyhowclosewewere.Mychestroseandfellasmyheartpoundedhardagainsthisbody.I

wantedhiminawaythatdidn’tmakesense.Iwantedtohatehim.Buttheflashesofournighttogether

hauntedme.Iwantedtoremember,Iwantedtofeelwhathefeltlike,evenjustforamoment.Andthat

feelingscaredthehelloutofme.

Ididn’tknowhowtorespond,soIdidtheonlythingIcouldtorelievetheache.

Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneckandpushedourfacestogether,moldingourlipsasone.Hisbody

jerkedinresponse,cuppingmyfaceinbothofhishands.Ireleasedamoanashepressedhimselfintome,

rubbingthelengthofhiserectionagainstmystomach.Hishandsmoveddowntomywaistandthighs,

cuppingmyassandliftingmeuponthecounter.Hishandsroamedupmylegs,pushingmyskirtupwith

them.Ispreadmylegswiderforhim,leavingnospacebetweenusashestoodinfrontofme.

Hismouthwasgreedyandhot,kissingmefiercelyandwithnoapologies.Hishandscontinued

exploringmybodyasourtonguestangledinamessybattle.Onehandpressedagainstmyfaceastheother

slidupanddownmybodyfrommybreastdowntomywaist.

Ibecamelostinhim,inus.Mybodyrememberedeverythingabouthowhemademefeel,butmy

mindwasstillcatchingup.Itwasobvious—thetensionbetweenuspalpable—heavy,hotbreathing,the

onlysoundsintheroom.Itwaswrong,butIdidn’tknowhowtostopit.Mybodycravedit,mymindtook

it,andmymouthdevouredit.

Hewasmykryptonite.Iwashisaddiction.

Ifistedmyhandsinhisshirt,keepinghimclosetome.Onehandwandereddownfurtherand

squeezedmythigh.Imoanedinresponse,hisfingerstanglinginthefabricofmypanties.

Mybackarchedashismouthmovedtomythroat.Iputbothhandsbehindmeashislipscontinued

devouringthefleshofmybareneckandchest.Hisfingersmovedmypantiestoonesideasheslippeda

fingerinsideofme,sendingaharshshiverdownmybody.“Youlikethis?”hetaunted,pullinghishand

backslightly.Igroanedinresponse.“Orsomethingmorelikethis?”hewhisperedashetraileduptomy

ear.Hetwistedhiswristandsunkitindeeper,makingmyhipsjerkinresponse.

“Oh,god…”ThemoansItriedtoholdinwereuncaged.Myhipsmovedontheirownaccordasmy

bodyheatedfromthearousalhewasbuildingupinsideme.Hislipscoveredmymouthagain,soakingup

themoansandscreamsIcouldbarelycontain.Heworkedanotherfingerin,twistingandstrokingdeeper

andharder.“Yes…yes…”Ipanted—anorgasmjustwithinreach.Icouldn’tthink,onlyfeelandhewas

makingmefeelsomethingIhadneverfeltbefore.

JustasIfeltmybodytighten,Alexreleasedhisholdonmeandjerkedaway.Iquicklyopenedmy

eyesinresponse,shockedandembarrassedthathehadstoppedjustbeforelettingmereleaseonhis

fingers.

Icouldfeeltheflushacrossmyfaceasmychestroseandfellagain,myheartbeatvibratingloudly

againstmyribs.Helookeddangerous…hiseyestenseandhishandsballedintofists.

“Alex…”Ipanted,grippingmyhandsagainsttheedgeofthecounter.

Hesteppedtowardme,pressinghisforeheadtomine.Hisheavybreathingmatchedmineaswe

struggledtocatchourbreaths.RealizationfinallywashedovermeandIfeltworsethanever.

“Notlikethis…”hebegan,guiltrisingupinmycoreathowpainedhisvoicesounded.“Nothere.”

Iclosedmyeyestokeepthetearsfromcoming,butmybodywassoworkedup,andmymindwas

spinningoutofcontrolbetweenwhatmybodywantedandwhatmymindknew.

Iwantedtosaysomething,tobeghimtoforgetthiseverhappened,butIcouldn’tgetthewordsto

comeout.Heleanedbackonhisheelsandturnedaway,stormingoutofthekitchenandleavingme

behind.

Ijumpedoffthecounterandsunktotheground.Iburiedmyheadinmykneesastearsleakeddown

mycheeks.HowcouldIletthathappen?

ICOULDN’TFOCUSonanythingatwork.Ikeptscrewingshitup,messingupemailsandeventold

anotherassistanttoshovemysixinchheelsupherass.

Yes…it’dbeenabadday.

IknewwhatIneededtodoandthethoughtscaredthecrapoutofme.IneededtoconfrontAlex.I

neededhimtoknowitcouldn’t—wouldn’t—happenagain.Ifwehadtostayinthesamehousetogether,

weneededtoactliketwogrown-upsandputitallpastus.

However,mygutfeelingwastellingmeheprobablywouldn’tacceptthat.

ItextedStaciearliertomeetupforhappyhoursoIcouldtalkthisout.Partofmewantedhertojust

bethereformewhiletheotherpartwantedhertoknocksomesenseintome.

AsIwalkedintothePonyBar,IfoundStacialreadyinaboothwaitingforme.Iimmediatelysmiled

asawaveofreliefwashedoverme.Itwasalwaysgoodtoseeher.

“Hey!Youlooklikeshit,”shesaid,wrappingherarmsaroundme.

“It’salwaysapleasuretoseeyou,too.”

Shereleasedherholdonmeandstudiedmyface.“Sorry.Youjustlookrough,isall.”

“Yeah,wellIfeelrough.”

“What’sgoingon?”sheaskedaswetookaseatacrossfromeachother.

IrolledmyeyesasIanswered,“Alex.That’swhat’sgoingon.”

AwaitressstoppedbyandtookourdrinkorderbeforeIresponded.“Imight’vekissedhim.”She

gaspedandherjawdroppedinresponse.Ibowedmyheadandputmyhandsonmyforehead.“Iknow,I

know!”

“Sowait…lastIheardwasthewholeshowerincident.Thenyouwereavoidinghimliketheplague.

Whathappened?”

“Ihadbeenavoidinghim,butthenhecaughtmeinthekitchenearlythismorning,andwewere

bickeringandnextthingIknew,mymouthwasonhis.”Itookasipofmymargaritaandwaitedforherto

flipout.

“Soyoukissedhim?”

Icringedjusthearingthosewords.“Sortof.”

“Mac…whatareyougoingtodo?”

“Idon’tknow.”Myfacefellintomyhands.Ireallydidn’tknow.

“Sowhathappenedafterthat?”

Ifeltmyfacereddened,embarrassedjustthinkingaboutit.“Hepulledmeuponthecounterand

kissedmeback.Thenhebackedaway,said‘notlikethis’andstormedout.”Isighed,closingmyeyes.“It

washumiliating.Idon’tknowwhatgotintome.”

“Thisisn’tyou,Mac…”Shepausedtoflashmeasympatheticsmile.“You’vealwaysbeenthegood

girl.Itwasonethingtohaveaone-nightstand,buttocarryiton?Youaren’tthetypeofpersontodothat.

You’reloyalandkind,notacheater.Hell,youevenputyourrealweightonyourdriver’slicense!”

Iexhaled,massagingmytemples.Shewasright.EversinceBrittainy’sbacheloretteparty,something

changed.“I’veneverhadaone-nightstandbefore,Stace.Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingonwithme.Ijust…I

wishIcouldgobacktothreeweeksagoandnoneofthiswouldbehappening.”

“Okay,listen.It’sobviousyou’reattractedtohim.Youlikehim,butisitenoughtocalloffthe

engagement?Isthatevenwhatyouwant?”

“No…Imean,Idon’tknow.Hemakesmefeeldifferent.WhenI’mwithWilliam,it’seasy,simple.I

lovehimandhelovesme.It’snotmessy.WithAlex,it’s…complicated.Idon’twanttohavethose

feelingsforhim.Doesthatmakemesoundcrazy?”

“No,itmakesyouhuman.Youjustneedtomakeadecision.IsWilliamenoughforyou?Andifso,

whatareyougoingtodoaboutAlex?Youcan’tkeeplivingwithhimwhileyou’replanningyour

wedding.Oryoujustneedtostraightuptellhim.”

“Tellhimwhat?”Itookanotherlargesip.

“Thathisgamesaren’tgoingtoworkanymore.ThatyouloveWilliamandhecaneithergetoverit

ormoveout.Plainandsimple.”

Icouldn’tbesureifitwasthealcoholortheideaoffacinghimagain,butmystomachturnedandI

startingfeelingnauseous.“Ican’tbelieveIkissedhim…”Imumbled,shakingmyheadatmyself.“Idon’t

knowwhatitisabouthim,butit’slikeIjustcan’tthinkstraightaroundhim.”

“Well,itdoesn’thelpthathe’shotasfuck.”Iglaredbackather.“Butthataside,thequickeryoudo

it,thequickerit’sover.Plus,youreventistomorrow.Youdeservetoenjoyyourselfwithoutallthisadded

stress.”

Shit.ThecharityeventhadbeenallIcouldthinkaboutupuntilafewweeksago.Thedistractionof

Alexandhimmovinginhadpulledmeelsewhere.IneededtodothistonightorI’dneverbeabletoget

throughtomorrownightwithoutapanicattack.

Staciwavedthewaitressbackoverandorderedanotherround.Wedrankandlaughedandtalked

moreabouttheevent.IwashostingitwiththecharityspokespersonandStacihadhelpedwithsmall

detailshereandthere.

“I’mbummedyouaren’tgoing.”Ipouted,pushingmylowerlipoutather.

“Trustme,IwishIcould.”Shesippedonherstraw,suckingoutthefinaldropsofherdrink.Her

sisterjusthadababyandshewasbeingbaptizedthisSunday,whichmeantshehadtoflyouttomorrow

afternoon.

ItwasalmostsevenbeforeIrealizedWilliamhadtextedmetoletmeknowhewashome.“Ibetter

getgoing.”IknewIhadtotalktoAlex,too.

Wesaidourgoodbyesandontheridehome,IthoughtabouthowIwasgoingtotalktohimwithout

fallingrightbackintohistrap.

ItwasgoingtotakeallthestrengthintheworldbecausethelastthingIwantedwastofightwith

Williaminthehouse.

IARRIVEDHOMEandwasgreetedwithWilliaminthekitchen.IstaredintentlyatthecounterspotI

wassittingonthismorningwithAlex—flashesofhislips,body,handssurfacedandjustasfast,Ipushed

themaway.

Williamwalkedtowardmewithawidesmile,butIcouldseethedefeatinhiseyes.Hewastired,

fromalongdayIwassure,butIplasteredonafakesmileasheleanedinandkissedmycheek.“Hello,

darling.Iorderedussomefood.Ihopethat’sallright.”

“Soundsgreat,”Isaid,relievedIwouldn’thavetotrytofindtheenergytocookanything.

OurfoodarrivedandonlyWilliamsatdownwithmetoeat.Ididn’thavethenervetoaskhimwhere

Alexwas,butitwasinmymindtheentiretime.IknewIneededtotalktohim,butI’dhavetowaituntil

Williamwasbusy.IknewwhatIneededtosay,butIwasdreadingittheentiretimeIate.

Afterdinnerandcleanup,Williamsaidhehadsomethingsinhisstudytofinishfromtheday.I

decidedtomakeaturkeysandwichforAlexsinceIwassurehewashungry.

“Alex?”Icalled,lookingfromroomtoroom.

“Inhere,”Iheardhimcallback.Fromthefaintnessofhistone,Icouldtellhewasinhisbedroom.I

hadn’tbeenintheresincehemovedinanditfeltweirdgoingintherenow.

“Ihaveasandwichforyou…”Iannounced.

“Youcanbringitin.”

“Can’tyoucomeouthere?”

“Why?Youafraidofmybedroom?”heaskedwithamusementheavyinhistone.

“Uh,no.Justdidn’tthinkitwasappropriate.”Iheldtheplateinmyhandandnervouslycircledmy

thumbonthebottom.

“Iwon’tbite,Mac.You’reallowedin.”

Isighed.Fine.

Ihesitantlypushedthedooropen,findinghimonhisbed.Hewassittingupagainsttheheadboard

withabookinhishandandhisanklescasuallycrossed.Whatthrewmeoffevenmorethanthescenein

frontofmeweretheblack-rimmedglasseshewaswearing.HelookedlikeacompletelydifferentAlex

thantheoneIkissedthismorning.

“You’rereading?”

Hedroppedthebookontohisstomachandlookedatme,asmirkplayingonhislips.“Isthathardto

believe?”

“Well…kinda.”Ichuckled,settingtheplateontheendofhisbed.“Whatareyoureading?”

“JohnGrisham’sTheRacketer.”

“Soundslikeaparty.”

Heshrugged.“Betterthanbeingoutthere.”

Mythroatdroppedintomystomachatthewayhenoddedhisheadpastme.Iknewwhathewas

implyingandmyheartracedatjustthethoughtofwhathappenedthatmorning.

Ibowedmyheadamomentbeforelookingbackupathimandresponding,“That’skindofwhatI

wantedtotalktoyouabout.”

Heswunghislegsoffandplacedthebookonthebed.“What’stotalkabout,Mac?”

Iswallowedatthedeep,harshtoneofhisvoiceandthewayhisfacetensedasheblinkedupatme.

“Thatcan’thappenagain,Alex.Wecrossedaline.I’mengagedand…”

HestoodupandstalkedtowardmebeforeIcouldfinish.“Youreallythinkthatringonyourfinger

meansanything?”hemockedbutcontinuedbeforeIcouldfightback.“Thatkiss…thatmeantsomething,

Mac.”

“Itnevershould’vehappened,”Ishotbackjustashebegantowalktowardme.Itookastepback,

butitdidn’tmatter—hecagedmetothewall.

“It’salreadyhappened,Mac.Thatnighthappenedandwhetherornotyouwanttoadmitit,youfeel

it.Andnotonlythat,butyouwantme.Youwantus.”

Myheartpoundedfromthestrengthofhiswords.Icouldn’tbelievehowblunthewasandhow

nervoushewasmakingme.Heintimidatedmeandmynervescouldn’ttakeanymore.

“Fine!”Ithrewbackinhisface,pushingmyhandsagainsthischest.HestumbledbackslightlyasI

continued,“Iwantyou.Ican’thelpit.Butthatdoesn’tmeananything.Thatdoesn’tmeanwecanbe

anything.ImadeapromisetoWilliamandwhetherornotIhavefeelingsforyou,itdoesn’tjustifywhat

we’vedone.”Hiseyesburnedintomine,darkandtenseasheabsorbedmywords.Iwhispered,“Soyou

needtojustletthisbe…we’vehadonenight,onekiss.Butitneedstostopnow,Alex.”

“Ican’tstop,Mac—kissingyou,touchingyou,beingaroundyou—it’suncontrollable.”Hebrushed

hisfingerovermylowerlip,poppingitout.

“Whatdoyouwantwithme?Whycan’tyouseethisiskillingme?”Iaskedashishandmovedtothe

softpartofmycheek.Theairaroundusseemedtostillasheinchedcloser.

“Iwantyou.I’vetoldyouthat.”

“Yes,butwhatdoesthatmeanexactly?”Ichallenged.

Hishandtracedovermycollarboneandthenhesliditdownmyarmandgrippedmywrist.“It

meansIwishyoufelthowstronglyIfelt.Mydadisn’ttheoneforyou…he’snottherightguy.I’mnot

sayingI’dbeabletogiveyouthelifestylehedoes,oranapartmentlikethis,andIcantellyoualready,

we’llfightandyou’llwanttothrowshitatme,butI’dalwaysbeone-hundredpercentinvestedinus,

Mac.I’dneverstoplookingatyou,cravingtotouchyou,andlovingyou.I’dalwaysgiveyoueverythingI

couldofferandeventhen,I’dwanttogiveyouevenmorethanthat.”

Myeyesweregluedtohisashespoketome,tellingmewhatanygirlwouldlovetohear.Hiswords

werebeautifulandtheyhurt.Iwantedtoreciprocatethem,butIknewIcouldn’t.Tearsstungmyeyesas

hecontinued,“Thatnightwasn’tamistake,Mac.WhatIfeel—whatwehad—issointense,andIknow

youfeelit,too.”ThiswaspassionateAlexandhewasperfectashell.Thewayhespokeaboutme,us,

mademewanttogivein,wrapmyarmsaroundhim,andtellhimIfeltit,too.

ButIcouldn’tfindthestrengthtoallowmyselftogothere.IlovedWilliamandwasfullycontent

withthelifewehadtogether,butAlexwasmakingmesickwithguilt,anditwasn’tsomethingIwantedto

livewithanymore.

Ibowedmyheadandslowlypulledmywristoutofhisgrasp.“I’msorry,Alex…IwishIcouldgive

youwhatyoufeelforme,butIcan’t.Ijust…can’t.”Itfeltlikeaknifetwistinginmystomachtosaythose

words,butIneededthemtohurt.IneededhimtolettheideaofhimandIgo.

“Whyareyoumakingthissodifficult?”hegrowled.“It’seasy,Mac.YouandIhavesomething…

whetherornotyourememberit—Iknowyourbodydoes.Youwouldn’tbepushingsohardifyoudidn’t

feelsomething.”

Heplacedtwofingersundermychin,makingoureyesconnectagain.Ididn’twanthimtoseethe

tears,thepainthiswasbringingme,soIswallowedandforcedthemback.“Thisistheoppositeofeasy,”

Ichokedout.Hedidn’tmove,soIcontinued.“Ineedtogo,”Isaidweakly,takingasteptowalkpasthim,

buthesteppedinfrontofme,barricadingmetothewall.

“Don’tleave.Youknowyoudon’twantto.Iseeitinyourface,yourmovements,yourwords.

Whetherornothisringisonyourfinger,you’renothis.You’rejustfoolingyourselfandeveryoneelse

thatthinksso.Isthatsomethingyoucanlivewith?”

Mybloodwasboilingbyhowdirectandpushyhewasbeing.I’vetoldhimeverythingIneededto

say,andnowIneededtomakesurethiswouldbethelasttimebecauseIwassickoffeelingthisway.

“Allwedoisfight,sowhat’sthepoint?”Ipushedback.

“You’rescared.That’swhyyou’rerunning.”

“No.”Ishotrightback.“Ibelongwithhim.”

“Why?”Why?Icouldn’tthinkwhenhewasinmyfacelikethis—mybodycouldn’tbetrusted.

“Wedon’tfight,”Isaidthefirstthingthatcametomyhead.“It’seasy…it’s…”

“Boring,”hefilledinforme.“Atleastwithme,it’sinteresting.Passionate.Thechemistryis

electric,Mac.Iknowyoufeelit.Stopfightingitandwe’dstopfighting.”

“Ican’t.”Ipursedmylips,tighteningmyface.

“Youwon’t.”Hepushedback.Theintensityinhiseyeswasalmosttoomuch.Hewaspushinghis

boundariesandheknewit.

“Regardlessofhowyoufeelaboutmeandhowmybodyreactstoyou,this—”Iwaveafinger

betweenthebothofus.“—canneverbeanything.I’vehadtofendformyselfmyentirelife,bethe

responsibleonejustsoI’dhavesomethingtoeat,andIworkedmywayuptogetacareerI’vealways

wanted.I’mhappy.IamproudofeverythingI’veaccomplishedtogethere,onmyown.Whycan’tyou

justletmebecontent?”

“Andletyoulivealie?Isthatwhatyoutrulywant?”hechallenged.

“It’snotalie…Iamhappy,”Ithrewback,confused.“Imightnotparticularlylikecertainaspectsof

mylife,butit’sahellofalotbetterthanI’vehadinthepast.Sono,I’mnotgoingtoruinitjustbecauseof

onenight.Anightthatshould’veneverhappenedinthefirstplace.”

“Youkeepsayingthat,Mac,buthowmuchofthatdoyouactuallybelieve?Idon’tbelievein

coincidences.Forthatonenight,youwerejustMac…notarmcandy,beautifultogawkat,Mac…youlet

yourguarddownandwhenwemet,electricitypassedbetweenusthatevenyoucouldn’tdeny.”

“Thatwasn’telectricity,Alex.That’scalledtoomuchalcohol…way,waytoomuch.”

Helaughedinmyfaceandshookhishead.“Andnowwe’rebacktodenial.Onestepforward,five

stepsbackward.”Herubbedthebackofhisneckinfrustrationandspunaroundindefeat.Ihatedthatthis

washappening,butithadtobedone.Ineededtoresettheboundaries.

“It’snotdenial.Iwasconfused,”Idefended.“Youconfuseme,Alex.Butevenso,Ihavetogowith

myinstincts.”

Hespunbackaroundandfacedme.“Well...”Hehuffedalaughbeforecontinuing.“Yourinstincts

arewrong.”Hepushedpastmeandwalkedoutofhisroomwithoutanotherword.

Wellthen.

Thatcould’vegonebetter.

Isighed,wipingthetearsfrommyeyes.Iheardthefrontdoorslamshortlyafterthat.Igrabbedthe

platewithhisuneatensandwichandwalkeditbacktothekitchen.Iwrappeditupandplaceditinthe

fridgebeforehidingawayinthebathtubfortherestofthenight.

ChapterFourteen

Ilayinbedallnightinahaze.ItwaspastmidnightbeforemybrainfinallyturnedoffandIfellasleep.

WhenIwokeup,Iturnedandfeltanemptyspacenexttome.ItwasalittlepasteightandthenInoticeda

noteonWilliam’spillow.

Darling,

Sorrytoleavebeforeyouwokeup,buttherewasanemergencyattheChicagobranchandIhad

toflyout.BehomeassoonasIcan!

IsighedasIrealizedhemightnotmakeitbackintimetodrivewithmetotheevent.ButIwasn’t

goingtoletthatbothermerightnow.Ihadtoomuchothershitonmymind.Alex.

Irolledoutofbedandimmediatelyjumpedintotheshower.Ihadplannedtobetherebysevenp.m.I

hiredChelseatodealwiththeset-uparrangementssoIwouldn’thavetoworryaboutit.Shehelpedwith

thecateringandmakingsureeverythingwasdoneright.Itwasrefreshingnothavingtostressoverthatfor

once—Ihadotherthingstoworryabout.

I’vebeenlookingforwardtothiseventformonths.ItwasabenefitfortheCoalitionforthe

Homeless—somethingsonearanddeartomyheart;Igetemotionaljustthinkingaboutit.WilliamknewI

waspassionateaboutthischarity,heknewmymotherandIstruggledfinancially,buthedidn’tknowthe

extentofit.Heknewwelivedinsheltersforatime,butnottheextentofit,either.Inevertoldhimthe

thingswehadtodoinordertosurvive.Itwasn’tsomethingIwasparticularlyproudofandknewmost

peoplewouldn’tunderstand.

Itwasn’tthatIdidn’ttrustWilliam.Hewasveryunderstandingandverysupportiveofmydesireto

getinvolved,butIdidn’tliketalkingorthinkingaboutit.Ithurtandmademebitter.Ihatedthewayit

mademefeel,soItriedtopushthatpartofmylifeoutasmuchaspossible.

I’llbegivingaspeechtonightabouttheeffectsofhomelessnessinNewYork.I’lldiscussthefacts

andhow,ifweworkedtogether,wecouldputastoptosomanychildrenlivinginshelters.Iknew

firsthandwhatitfeltlike,thethingstheyseeanddo.It’sespeciallyterriblewhenyouonlyhaveone

parentandthatoneparentdoesn’ttrytomakeanefforttodobetter.Sheneededhelpandanytimeitwas

offered,she’dtakethemedicationjustlongtogethershittogether.She’dmanagetofindworkbutthen

stoptakingherpills,andeitherwouldbefiredorwouldjuststoppedshowingup.Ineverunderstoodher

reasoningfornotwantingtohaveabetterlifeoratleastwantingabetteroneforme.

OnceIwascleanedup,IdressedcomfortablyuntilIhadtostartgettingready.SinceWilliamwas

gone,itwastheperfecttimetoclearthingsupwithAlexonelasttime.

“Goodmorning,”IsaidasIwalkedintothekitchen.Hewaswearingthosegraylow-cutsweats

again,sittingatthebreakfastbarwithacupofcoffeeandanewspaper.Iwalkedtowardthecoffeemaker,

grabbedacup,andliftedthecarafebeforerealizingitwasempty.“Youdranktheentirepot?”Ispun

aroundandhelditup.

Hedidn’tevenlifthisheadasheresponded,“Yeah,I’vebeenupawhile.”

Isetitdownandlookedintentlyathim.Hehadbagsunderhiseyesandhedidn’tlooksogood.

“Haveyouevenbeentobed?”Iraisedmybrowsathim,buthestillwasn’tlooking.

“Nope.”

Thiswasn’tthewayIplannedtohaveanothertalkwithhim,butitwaslookinglikeitwasgoingto

havetobetheonlyway.“Where’dyougolastnight?”Isetthecarafebackinandstartedputtinganew

filterintomakeanotherpot.“Ididn’thearyoucomebackhome.”

“Whyisthatanyofyourbusiness,Mackenzie?”Inarrowedmybrowsatthewayhesaidmyname.

He’snevercalledmethatandhesaiditwithsuchhurtanddisgust.

Iswallowedandcontinuedasifithadn’taffectedme.“BecauseIwasworried.”

Ispunaroundjustashestoodupandlookedatme.“Well,don’tbe.”

HeplacedhiscupinthesinkandturnedtowalkoutbeforeIstoppedhim.“Alex,wait.”Hefrozein

placebutdidn’tturnaround.“Weneedtotalk.Please.”

“What’sthepoint?”

Ipaused,hearingthecoffeedripandsteamasitpouredintothecarafe.“BecauseIdon’twantitto

belikethis.Weliveinthesamehouse.Wehavetoseeeachother.Wemightaswellfigureoutawaytobe

aroundeachother.”

Heturnedaroundandwalkedtowardme,takinghisspotbackatthebreakfastbar.“Okay,youtell

mehowI’msupposedtobearoundyouthen.”

Ihatedthathewasbeingsoharsh,butIwasn’tabouttopushit.Hewaspissedanditwasmyfault.

“Can’twebefriends?Imean,atleastpretendwecanstandbeingaroundeachotherwhenwehave

tobe.”

Hepursedhislipsinatightlinebeforesaying,“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Sure.Ifthat’swhatyouwant.”

Iwastakenabackbyhoweasyhewastakingthisconsideringhowupsethe’dbeenlastnight.But

thenagain,he’sprobablybeenupallnightthinkingaboutitandhopefully,hasrealizedwewerenever

goingtobeanything.

“Yes.Itis.”

“Great,”hespatoutover-enthusiastically.“Friendsitis.”

“Great.”

“Well,haveagoodday.I’mgoingtobed.”Hejumpedupandturnedtowardthehallway.

“Alex…”Iswallowed,pushingtheemotionsback.“Thankyou.”

Hegaveacurtnodandcontinuedwalkingout.

THATWENTMUCHbetterthanIexpected—toowell—butIdidn’thavetimetooveranalyzeit.I

neededtogoovermyspeech,getready,andprayIdidn’tfaintbeforeevengettingthere.Thisspeech

wouldbemyfirsttimesharingmypastpublicly,andIwasn’tsurehowitwasgoingtobereceived.

Atfivep.m.,Williamcalledtoletmeknowhewasrunninglate.“I’llcomeassoonasweland,”he

promised.

“Allright.Pleasebesafe.”

“Ofcourse,darling.”Wehungup,andIputsomemusiconasIstartedgettingready.

Afterperfectingmyhairandmakeup,Islippedonmydress.Iwentwithablack,sparklydressand

plannedonmatchingitwithmyredheels.Ipulledhalfmyhairupandkepthalfdowninloosewaves.

Asoftknockonmybedroomdoorgrabbedmyattentionawayfromthemirror.“Yes?”

“CanIcomein?”ItwasAlex.

“Sure.”

“Thecarishere…”hestartedbutstoppedonceoureyeslockedoneachother.Hewasdressedupin

ablacktuxwitharedtie.Helookedabsolutelycharmingandironically,ouroutfitswerecoordinating.I

shothimalook,confusedwhyhewasdresseduplikethat.Heshrugged.“Iwasn’tgoingtoletyougo

alone,”wasallhesaidandIdidn’tpressformore.Iwasn’tsurehowheevenknew,butthefacthe

dressedupformemademyheartpound.

Iswallowedandbrokethecontact.“Justaboutready,”Isaid,grabbingtheearringsoffmydresser

andquicklyputtingthemon.

“Youlookbreathtaking…”Hesteppedcloser,cominguprightbehindme.MybodytensedasIfelt

hishandonmyarm.

Iloweredmyheadbutkeptmyeyesonhimthroughthemirrorinfrontofme.Hishandmoveddown

mydressandIstilled.“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskedroughly,myglarewarninghim.

Asmirkplayedonhislipsbeforehisfingersgrippedthezipperandhiseyesmetmineagain.“Was

yourplantomoontheentireaudience?”Hishandmovedovermyassandupmyback,zippingmydress

together.Thezipperlayallthewaydownmylowerback,butIhadn’tevennoticed.Mymindwasamess.

Thepastfewweekshadflippedmylifeupsidedown,makingmefeellikeIhadlostallcontrol.

Iclearedmythroatandstoodupstraighter.“Thankyou.”

“You’rewelcome.”Heslidbothhandsslowlyupmyarmsandpausedonmyshoulders,gripping

thembetweenhisfingers.Hestoodlikethatforamoment,hishandsonme,myeyesonhim,beforehe

continued.“Ready?”

Inodded.“Yes,Ijustneedtoputmyshoeson.”

Hereleasedhisholdonmeandbackedup.Myshoeswereonthefloornexttothefull-lengthmirror.

IslippedonefootinandwenttostepintotheotheronewhenIlostmybalance.“Shit,”Icursedjust

beforeAlexgrabbedmyarmandsteadiedme.

“Youallright?”heaskedgenuinely,butIcouldtellhewastryingtoholdinalaugh.

Iusedhishandassupportandslippedmyfootintheothershoe.“Yes.”Ibreathedout.“God.Can

youtellI’mnervous?”Ismoothedmyhandsdownmydress,givingmyselfafinallook.“I’mnotthebest

atpublicspeeches,”Iexplainedwhenhehadn’tresponded.

Heflashedasmallsmile.“Youhavenothingtobenervousabout.You’lldogreat.”Helookeddown

athiswatch.“Thatisifweevergetthere.”Hewinked.“Weneedtoleave.”

Igrabbedmyclutchoffthebedandfollowedhimout.Thecarwaswaitingforusinfrontas

photographersflashedtheircamerasatus.They’veknownaboutthiseventforawhilenowandIknew

theyweregoingtobealloverit.

NotthatImindedentirely.Itwasgoodpublicityforthecharity.Ifmorenewspaperswroteabout

them,peoplewouldhaveahigherawarenessandhowtheycouldhelp.That’swhyIgotinvolved,besides

thefactthatitwasapartofmychildhood.

Iwavedlightlyandforcedasmileaswepushedthrough.Thedriverwasready,leavingthedoor

openforusandshuttingitassoonasweweresecurelyinside.Iheardthemramblingoffquestions

outside,askingabouttheeventandwhereWilliamwas.Thepressknewhissonwasbackintownand

theywerelookingtomakeanextrabuckoffit.

“Isitalwayslikethat?”heaskedassoonasthecardroveoff.

Ishookmyhead.“Notalways.”

“Doyouevergetusedtoit?Areyouusedtoit?”

“Yes.Andno.”

“ItwasanicebreakwhenIwasEurope,”hebegan.“Itwasnicebeingabletowalkaroundwithout

anyoneknowingwhoIwasorwhereIcamefrom.Itwasnicethatnoonehadthosepreconceivednotions

aboutme.Itwasnicehavingthatfreedom.”

“Isthatwhyyouleft?”Iasked,curiositybuildingupinsideme.Ihadwonderedwhyhechosetogo

acrosstheglobetoschool,butIalwaysfiguredithadsomethingtodowithWilliam.

Hedidn’tanswerrightaway,butthenhelookedupandresponded.“Yeah,thatwaspartofit.It

becomesabitmuch.Theinvasionofyourprivacy.Theliestheyplaster.Thewaytheymakemoneyon

yourheartbreakandpain.”

Itwasobviousheexperiencedsomebadshitwiththemediabeforehand.Ihadn’tpaidattentionto

mostofitbeforemeetingWilliam.Ihadn’tevenheardofhimbeforewemet,whichjustshowedhow

investedIwasinmycareerandgettingmylifetogether.Istudiedandworked,anditconsumedmylife

untilIwasfinallyhiredon.ThenIworkedevenharder.

SomethingtoldmethoughitwasmorethanjusttheprivacyissuethatgottoAlex.Something

betweenhimandWilliamwasn’tright,butIcouldtellWilliamwastryingtomakeamends.Hedidn’t

wanttotalkaboutitasifitneverhappened,butthatwashowhewas.Hejustwantedtomoveforward

withoutgoingbackward.Hedidn’twastetimetryingtofixthingshecouldn’tchange,butratherhe

investedinthefuture.

“Champagne?”IheardAlexaskashegrabbedthebottleandwaveditatme.“Someliquidcourage,

perhaps?”

HewasgrinninglikealittlekidwhohadjustbeentoldChristmaswascomingearly.Hewas

distractingme,tryingtosettlemynerves.ItwasthesideofAlexIreallyliked.ItmadeallthetensionI

knewwasthereevaporate.

Iwashesitantatfirstbutdecidedonebeforehandwouldn’thurt.“Okay,fine.Justonethough.”

Hepouredmeaglassandhandedittome.Hepouredoneforhimselfandthenclinkedourglasses

togetherbeforetakingaslowsipandkeepinghiseyesonme.

“What?”Iasked,takingasip.

“Nothing.Youjustlookreallypretty.Butyou’realittletense.”

“Well,I’vebeenworkingonthiseventformonths.IthinkI’mallowedtofeeltense,”Imocked,

takinganotherdrink.

“Thesecondyouwalkin,everyone’seyeswillbeonyou.Stopworryingaboutwhatpeoplethink.”

“WhosaysI’mworriedaboutwhatpeoplethink?”

Hetiltedhisheadandnarrowedhisbrowsatme.“AmIwrong?”

“Don’tansweraquestionwithanotherquestion.”

“Why?”Hesmiled.

“You’remakingmemorenervous,”Iadmitted.

Hemovedclosertome,bringinghishandtomycheekandleanedin.“Imeanit.Everyone’seyes

willbeonyou.”ThecarslowedtoastopandIknewwehadarrivedattheLanghamPalace.“Including

mine.”

Iswallowed.Hewaspurposelyclosetome,notatalleasingmynerves,butIdidn’thavetimeto

thinkaboutit.Camerasandcrowdswouldswarmusinjustamoment.

“Ready?”heasked,takingmyglassandsettingitdownwithhis.Thedriveropenedthedoorand

offeredmehishand.Itookit,carefullypullingmydressupasItookastepout.

Flashesandpeopleyellingforourattentionimmediatelyconsumedme.ItriedtostandandsmileasI

waitedforAlextostandnexttome.ItfeltweirdarrivingwithoutWilliam,butthepressknewwhohe

was.He’dbeenthecenterofattentionlongbeforeIarrived,andnowthepresswashavingafieldday.

“Comeon,”hewhisperedinmyearasheplacedahandonmylowerback.Heguidedmetothe

entrance,noddingatthetwomenwhowereguardingit.Theyopeneditforusandmadesurenoneofthe

paparazzifollowedin.Hishandremainedonmybackandalthoughitwasinappropriate,givenour

relationship,itmademefeelsafe.Iwasnervousaboutmyspeech,aboutthewholeevent,buthehad

somehowcalmedmynervesjustbystandingnexttome.“Readytogoin?”heaskedagain,stillquiet.

“Yeah…I’mready.”

Wewalkedthroughthelobbyandtothestairsthatwouldtakeusin.Igrippedmydresswithone

handandclungontomyclutchwiththeotherhand.Iwasnervousyetanxious.I’dbeenworkingwiththis

charityforthelastyear,andIjustwantedthiseventtogoperfectlyforthem.

“Don’tbenervous,”hesaidsmoothly,justabovemyear.Justaswewereabouttowalkin,Iheard

William’svoicebehindme,breakingthenervesthatwerejustsettling.

“Darling!”Iquicklyspunaround,breakingAlex’sholdonme.ReliefwashedovermeasIsawhis

urgentsmile,runninguptogreetme.“I’msosorryI’mlate!”Heengulfedme,wrappinghisarmsaround

mywaistjustwhereAlex’swere.Ifeltastrangetwingeofguilt,knowingIwasjustabouttowalkin

escortedbyanothermaninsteadofWilliam.

“It’sallright,dear.Wewerejustabouttowalkin.”Ismiled,holdingbackmydisappointmentthathe

wasn’tabletorideherewithme.Italwaysstirredupthemediawhenwewerephotographedseparately.

Allofasudden,ourrelationshipwasinjeopardybecausewehadn’tbeen‘seen’togetherinoveraweek

wheninreality,Williamwasonabusinesstrip,andIhadmadeplanstohavelunchwithsomefriends.

Apparently,thatwastoomuchtimeapart.

“Thanksfortakingmyplace,son,”WilliamsaidgenuinelytoAlex,pattinghisshoulder.Hiseyes

flashedtomineforasplitsecondandthenhismouthturnedintoafirmlinebeforeheresponded,

“Anytime,Dad.”Iheardthecondescendingtoneinhisvoice,butWilliamignoredit.

“Shallwe?”Williamaskedjustbeforeguidingmethroughthedoor.

IturnedaroundandsawAlexstandingfrozen.Hiseyeslockedonmineashislipsstayedinatight

line.Iflashedasmallsmile,silentlyapologizingforWilliam’sinconvenientinterjection.

Alexhadhelpedcalmme—whichWilliamshould’vebeendoingallalong—buthehadn’t,andnowI

waswalkinginwithoutAlex.Apartofmefeltguilty,whenIshould’vefeltecstaticWilliammadeit,but

theotherpartwishedhehadn’t.

ChapterFifteen

TheroomwasfilledwithManhattan’sfinest.Womenandmenoverdressedindesignerclothes,aprivate

auctionwastakingplaceononeend,andafullbarwassetupontheother.Justtoattend,itwasalmosta

thousanddollarspertable.Butitwasthewaytheseeventsworked.I’velearnedquicklyitwasaboutthe

richlookingforataxdeductionandawayforthemtonetworkwithotherrichpeople.

Itwastheuglytruth,butitwasn’tthereasonIgotinvolvedinthefirstplace.Williamknewthat,but

thepressdidn’t.Tonight,they’dallfindthatoutthough.Ididn’tplantoholdanythingback.

Wetookourseatsjustasawell-dressedserverwalkedbyandofferedusglassesofchampagne.

Williamtooktwoandhandedmeone,kissingmegentlyonthecheek.HeknewIwasnervous,buthe

wouldn’tbringitup.Hewasusedtotheseeventsandpublicspeaking,buthewasanicon.Peoplelooked

uptohimandwhenhespoke,powerandconfidenceradiatedoffhim.IwishIwerelikethat,butwhenit

cametosomethingsopersonal,self-doubtwastheonlythingthatovercameme.

“I’llberightback,darling,”Williamsaid,quicklypeckingmeonthecheekbeforewalkingaway.

Heknewalmosteveryoneattheseeventsandwasalwayssidetrackedasworkconversationscameup.

“Surething.”Iflashedasmallsmileathimashebackedhischairupandexcusedhimself.Isatat

thetablealone,waitingformorepeopletoarrive.Thecharityspokespersonwouldbetonight’sMC.I

knew,assoonasshesteppedonstage,I’dbeuptherewithhershortly.

Icontinueddrinkingmychampagne,hopingthealcoholwouldcalmanynervesIhadleft.Mybody

shiveredasahandbrushagainstmyshoulders,andIsawAlexsitnexttomeoutofthecornerofmyeye.

“Tenminutesinandyou’releftsittingalone.”Hisvoicewasdeep,irritationlacedinhistone.

“It’sfine,”Iinsisted.“Heknowsalotofpeople.”Ishrugged,takinganothersipofmychampagne

butsoonrealizeditwasempty.

Alexwavedanotherserveroverandgrabbedtwomoreglasses.“Here.You’refidgetyashell.”I

gladlyacceptedit,bringingtheglasstomylipsassoonashehandedittome.

“Thankyou,”Ifinallysaid,lookingdownandcirclingmyfingerovertheglassrim.

“Youwanttogooveryourspeech?”heleanedinandasked.“Getanotherpracticeroundin?”

Ishookmyhead,notwantingtoover-thinkanyofit.“No,thanks.IfIpracticeittoomuch,I’ll

becometooemotional,”Iexplained.“SoI’djustrathertalkaboutsomethingelseifthat’sokay?”

“Sure,Iunderstand.”Iwatchedashetookasipofhischampagne.HewasbacktoniceAlexagain,

andIwonderedhowlongit’dlast.Afteramomentofsilence,heleanedinandwhispered,“IfIwerehere

withyou,I’dneverleaveyourside.I’dmakesureeveryoneinthisroomknewyouweremine.”

Apparently,itwasn’tgoingtolastlongatall.

“Alex…”Ibegan,buthecutmeoff.

“Iwouldn’tbeabletotakemyeyesoffofyoulongenoughtoevenlookatanotherwoman,Mac.I’d

remindyouhowbeautifulyoulook,howyoutakemybreathaway,andhowluckyIamtobeherewith

you.ThelastthingI’ddoisleaveyoualone.”Ikeptmyheaddownbutcouldseehimoutofthecornerof

myeyes.Hisstarewasintense,hiseyesburningintomeashespoketheverywordsthatcouldtearmy

heartintwo.

Iswallowedbeforelookingathim,sympathywrittenalloverhisfaceasIfollowedwherehewas

looking.HewaslookingatWilliamfromacrosstheroom,chattingwithanotherwoman.Shelookedtobe

inhermid-thirtiesandshewasrubbingherhandupanddownhisarm.

“She’safriendofhis,”Iexplained.“It’snothing.”

“Areyousure?”Heraisedabrowatme.“Mendon’tlettheir‘friends’gropethem,especiallyin

public.”

Iscoffed.“She’snotgropinghim.Williamisnotthetypeofmantomakeascene.”Hestoodtall

withhishandsinhispockets,notencouragingthewoman,buthesurewasn’tstoppingher.

“Ifyousayso.”Hewasstillclosetome,alittletooclose.Icouldsmelltheblendofhissoapand

cologne.Itwasaperfectmixtureandsuitedhimwell,butitwasmakingitimpossibletothinkstraightas

itfeltlikehewasinterrogatingme.

“Williamwouldnevercheatonme,”Icontinued,althoughIwasn’tsurewhyIwasdefendingmy

relationshiptohim.“He’saloyalman.”

“Andhowcanyoubesosure?”hechallenged.“Aren’tyouthetypeofgirlthat’dnevercheaton

him?”Ishothimadeathglare,buthecontinuedanyway.“Justgoestoshow,peoplearecapableof

anything.”

“Well,thatwasundertheinfluenceofalotofalcoholandbadjudgment.Orrather,nojudgmentat

all.”

Hesmirked,sendingbutterfliesstraighttomystomach.“It’samusingyousaythat.”

IturnedtowardhimandcrossedmyarmsovermychestasIflashedhimaninsultedstare.“What’s

thatsupposedtomean?YouknowaswellasIdoIwasbeyonddrunkandobviouslymadesomepoor

decisions.Mewakingupnexttoyouwithnoclueastowhoyouwereorwhathadhappenedprovesthat.”

Wewererightbacktoourargumentfromlastnight.

“Sure…butthatonlymeansconsciouslyyouwerelettingyourguarddownandgoingafterwhatyou

reallywanted.”

“Andwhat’sthat?”Ichallengedrightback.

“Amanwhopaysattentiontoyou…givesyouwhatyouneed.Amanwhodoesn’twastetimeand

letseveryoneknowyou’rehis.Amanwhotakeswhathewants,which,bytheway,yougavetome

willingly.Therewasapartofyouthatwantedjustthatevenifonthesurfaceyouthinkyou’recontentwith

somethingelse.”

“That’snotevenclose,”Ispatout,almostappalledathowblunthewasbeing.Basically,hewas

sayingIwantedtocheatonWilliamandthatwasn’tevenclosetothetruth.“I’dneverhurtWilliam

intentionally.”

“Nooneintentionallyhurtsanyone,Mac.Well,unlessthey’reaspinelessasshole,butthebrain

worksinmysteriousways.Sometimes,thesubconsciouspartofyoumakesyouactbraverthanyou

actuallythinkyouare.Andinmanyways,you’reverybrave.Justlikeyouareforcomingheretonight.”

HesnuckthatlastlineinjustasIwasbeginningtofumeatwhathewasimplying.IguessIbelieved

someofwhathewassaying,butI’dneveropenlyadmitthatImeantorwantedtocheatonWilliam.In

fact,upuntilImetAlex,Iwascompletelyone-hundredpercentconfidentinmyrelationshipwithhim.I

wasusedtohislatenights,earlymornings,andbusytravelingschedule.I’dbecomeaccustomedtohis

mid-dinnerphonecallsandhecticworkdays.Iknewitcamewiththeterritoryofbeingwithhim,andI’d

fullyacceptedthat.Itgavemetimetofocusonmyowncareerwithoutbeingattachedtotheideathat

Williamworkedenoughforthebothofus.Ihadn’twantedthatlifestyle—theonewherethewomanstays

home,havinglunchdateswithgirlfriends,andchattingaboutthelatestgossip.Ilovedworkinginfashion,

andIwasn’tgoingtogiveupwhatI’dworkedsohardforinthefirstplace.

ButthenAlexcameandthrewawrenchineverything.HemadeitpainfullyobvioushowmuchIfelt

alone.HepointedoutflawsaboutWilliamIhadneverconsideredbefore.IknewWilliamwasabusy

man,buthearingAlexsayitoverandoveragainwasmakingmerealizeitsomuchmore.AndIhatedthat.

IhatedfeelingunsureofsomethingIwassosureofbefore.AndIhateditevenmorethatAlexwas

theonemakingtheefforttocalmmeandshowaninterestinwhatIwaspassionateabout.

Thiswasalltoomuch.Icouldn’tthinkaboutthisrightnow,notwhenIwasabouttomakethespeech

ofmylife.

ALEXDIDN’TLEAVEmyside—notwhenWilliamfinallycamebackoverandnotwhenWilliamleft

onceagainwhenhespottedafewpeoplehejustneededafewminutestochatwith.Thiswasmynight

andmyfiancécouldn’tbeartostickbymeformorethantenminutes.

However,Icouldn’tgetangryrightnow.I’ddealwithitlaterbecauseinabouttwentyminutes,the

charityspokesperson,Helena,wouldbeintroducingmeonstagetogivetheopeningspeech.

“Thisfoodisdelicious.Didyoucoordinateit?”Alexaskedashecutintohissteak.

“Yes,”Iansweredsimply.“Theshrimpisamazing.”IforkedapieceandofferedittoAlexwithout

thinking.

BeforeIcouldtakeitback,heleanedinandtookitfrommyforkwithhismouth.Hesatclose,but

nowhismouthwasinchesfromme.Ijuststaredathim,inshockandaweashemoanedastheshrimp’s

deliciousflavorcaptivatedhim.

“Wow…youweren’twrong.It’sincredible.”

“It’sthesauce,”Isaidquickly.“It’sthechef’s‘secretrecipe’butImight’veconvincedhimtotell

me.”Ismiled,proudthatthefoodwasahit.Ilookedaroundandsawpeoplesmilingandnoddingasthey

indulgedintheirfoodaswell.Williamwasofftogodknowswhere,andalthoughhisplatewasleft

untouched,andIwastemptedtostealtheshrimprightoffofit,Ithoughtbettertoleaveit.Whenhe

returns,hecanseeafullplateoffoodthathemissed.

“Ibetyoudid.”Helaughed.“Youcanbeveryconvincing.”

“OnlywhenIneedtobe.”Igrinned.“I’veworkedwithhimonothereventsbefore,sowehavea

specialfoodbond.”

“Well,atleastyouhaveyourprioriesstraight,”hesaidwithamusement,shovingmorefoodinhis

mouth.

“Well,fromresearch,it’saknownfactpeoplearewillingtospendmoremoneywhenthey’refull

andsatisfied.Investinthefood,andpeoplewillinvestinyourcharity.”Ismiledwider,proud.Iknew

thisfrombeinginvolvedinotherevents,buttonight,Iwantedtoknockourgoaloutofthepark.Iwas

determined.

IspottedChelseafromacrosstheroom.Shecamewithadateandlookedstunning.Isentheraquick

‘thankyou’textandtotellhertoenjoythenightaswell.

Justasdessertwasbeingserved,Williamtookhisseatontheothersideofme.Heunbuttonedhis

jacketashepushedhimselfin.Hereachedforhischampagneglassthathadtobewarmbynow.

“Myapologies.What’dImiss?”

AlexstartedtalkingbeforeIcould.“Oh,youknow.Justthewholedinner.Andbeingbyyourfiancée

asshepreparesforherspeech,”heansweredcoldly,irritationevidentinhisvoice.MybodyshookasI

feltAlex’sbodytenseupnexttome.Williamlookedunaffectedashebegancuttingintohisfood.

“Yes,andI’msorryaboutthat.Ihadsomebusinesstotakecareof.”

Business?“Howcouldyoupossiblyhavebusinesstotakecareofwhenyou’reataneventforme?”

Iasked,turningtolookathim.Ireallydidn’twanttostartanythinghere,especiallyinfrontofAlex,butI

couldn’thelpthewordscomeoutofmymouth.Iwasalittlepissedthathehadjustbailedonme.

“Darling…”hewarned.“I’llexplainlater.I’msorryforbeingabsent,butI’mherenow,okay?”He

lookedatmewithpleadingeyesandIknewhewassincere.Inoddedinreturn,notwantingtosay

anymore.

“Ladiesandgentleman.MayIhaveyourattention,please?”MyheartbeganracingasIheard

Helena’svoiceoverthespeaker.Shewasachipperlittlething.Herpassionwasasbigasmineandshe

hadbeensodelightedsomanypeoplehadRSVP’dtocome.“Iambeyondwordstoseesuchafullcrowd

tonight.Icanhardlyexpresshowitfeelstoknowsomanywonderfulpeopleareheretosupportthe

CoalitionfortheHomeless.HelpingthehomelessoffthestreetsofNewYorkandprovidingthemwith

alternativeoptionsisournumberonepriorityandwithyourhelptonight,we’reonestepcloser.”She

pausedtogivetheaudienceachancetoapplaudandthencontinued.“Itiswithgreathonortowelcome

ourcoordinatinghost,MackenzieHewitt.Withouther,thiseventwouldn’tbepossible.Pleasehelpmein

welcomingheruponstage!”

Theaudiencewentintoafitofapplause.MybodytenseduntilIfeltAlex’shandonmyknee,

grabbingmyattention.Hequicklyleanedandwhisperedinmyear,“You’vegotthis.”Heleanedbackand

winkedatmejustbeforeWilliamwishedmeluck.

Ohgod.

Iwasreallygoingtodothis.

IsmiledatthecrowdasItookthestepstothestageinfrontofme.Myheartwaspoundinginmy

chestandtheanxietystartedtoovercomemeasalleyesstayedonme.

I’dgivenspeechesbefore,butthisonewouldbepersonal.Thiswasmypast,fullondisplayfor

critiqueandjudgment.ThiswassomethingIwasashamedtoadmit,butatthesametime,IknewIcould

potentiallybehelpinghundredsofhomelesschildrenbyopeningup.Icouldonlyhopemyexperience

wouldencourageotherstodonateandtobecomemoreawareofhowthiswasaffectingourcity.

Ifnot,Ididn’tknowwhatIwoulddo.ButIcouldn’tthinkofthatrightnow.

IsmiledandnoddedasilentthankyoutoHelenaandsteppedbehindthepodium,adjustingthe

microphoneinfrontofme.IswallowedasIstaredoutintotheaudience,seeingalleyesupatme.I

exhaledandsmilednervously,takingastepcloserandclearingmythroat.

“Thankyou,Helena—”Iflashedasmileatherandcontinued.“Andthankyoutoeveryonewhotook

thetimetocometonight.Ican’ttellyouhowmuchtheCoalitionfortheHomelessmeanstome.Idecided

togetinvolvedshortlyafterIarrivedtothecityandhavebeenfortunateenoughtoseeallthewonderful

progressinjustthelastfewyears.”IlookedoutandsawAlex’seyesburnedintomine.Hewashanging

oneverywordIwassayingandthethoughtcomfortedme.Iwasn’tsurewhy,butapartofmefeltlikehe

couldrelateonsuchadeeperlevel.

“Foranyonewhodoesn’tknow,Ididn’texactlygrowupprivileged.Infact,Igrewuponthestreets

andinsheltersmostly.Betweenafatherwhodidn’tstickaroundlongenoughtomeetmeandamother

whowasn’tmentallystableenoughtoholdajob,wefoughttosurviveonadailybasis.Thereweredays

wewentwithoutfood,withoutwarmth,andonmostoccasions,withoutmedicinewhenweweresick.”I

swallowed,inhalingdeeplytoslowdownmyracingheartasItookintheaudience’sshockedfaces.

“Thatwastherealityofbeinghomeless.Andasachild,Icouldn’tunderstandwhyIwasbeing

allowedtolivelikethat.Mymother,Elizabeth,movedusfrequently,justoftenenoughsoshewouldn’tgo

tojailforchildneglect.Hadshebeencaught,Iwould’vebeenthrownintoafosterhomethatmayormay

nothavebeenabettersolutionforme.Therearetoomanychildrenandnotenoughfosterhomes.There

aretoomanyfamiliesandnotenoughresources.”Isuckedinabreath,pushingbacktheemotionsthat

werethreateningtospillout.

“There’sastigmathathomelesspeopleareaddictsorgotthemselvesintothatpositionbybeinglazy,

butthestatisticsshowhomelessnessisontherisesincethegreatdepressionduetounaffordablehousing,

jobloss,andmentaldisorders.”Iimmediatelythoughtofmymother,knowingshefitintosomeofthose

stereotypes.Iusedthatpassion,thatdeterminationtodobetter—bebetter—tocontinuegoing.

“Withthehelpofyoursupporttonight,wecangetfamiliesstabilizedinshelters,movetheminto

permanenthousing,andimplementassistantprogramstokeepthemintheirhousing.Notonlycanwe

reducethenumbersofhomelessinourcity,buteventuallyeliminateitcompletely.”Ismiled,proudthatI

wassupportingacausethattrulybenefitedthecityandeveryoneinvolved.

“TheCoalitionalsoapproachesreducinghomelessbytheirpreventionsolutions.It’seasytoget

involvedandhelpusfeedandshelterthesixtythousandpeoplewhowillsleepinshelterstonight.And

astonishingasitis,halfofthatnumberarefamilieswithchildren.Also,withyourhelpandsupport,we

cangetthesefamiliesbackintotheirownhomesandsupportingthemselveswiththeprogramsestablished

bytheCoalition.Food,shelter,andsupportarewhatthesefamiliesneedandweneedyourhelpinorder

tocontinuedoingso.”Ifinished,relievedandanxiousthatIhadbeenabletogetallthewordsout.

Helenajoinedmeagainonstageandasked,“IbelieveIspeakonbehalfoftheCoalitionand

everyoneheretonight,thankyouforsharingyourpersonalexperiencewithus,Mackenzie.I’veworked

withmanychildrenandfamilies,andIknowit’snoteasyrelivingsomethinglikethat.Isthereanything

elseyou’dliketoadd?”

IlookedoutintothecrowdandsawAlexagain.Hewinked,asmirkplayingonhislipsas

confidenceradiatedoffhim.

“Thankyousomuch,Helena.Yes,Iwouldactually.”Iwantedtodothis.Evenifallthosepeopleout

therejudgedmeforit,Ineededtodoit.“AsI’vementionedearlier,Ibasicallygrewuphomeless.We

traveledcitytocity,justtryingtosurvive.Itwasn’teasy.Iwastaughthowtosteal.Notonlythat,butI

wasdamnedgoodatit.I’dstealmoney,food,clothes.I’dsitoutonthestreetsandpanhandlemoney…

someweeks,wemadeoverfivehundreddollars.ThoseweretheweeksI’dbesoexcited.Ithought,‘this

wasit!Wecanaffordtofindaplacetolive!’Butmymothersoonrippedthosedreamsfrommewhen

she’dtellmeweweremovingtoadifferentcityagain.Onnightswhenitwasreallycold,she’dfinda

cheaphotel,andI’dfinallytakeahotshowerandsleepinawarmbed.ThosewerenightsIwishednever

ended.NightsIwishedI’dneverwakeupbecausemyrealitybecametoohardtobear.Ididn’tstayin

schoollongenoughorconsistently,andIcouldn’tgraduatefromhighschoollikealltheotherkidsmyage

did.NotonlydidIlackbasicnutritionandconstitutionalrights,Ididn’tseeadentistuntilIwastwenty

yearsold,andIdidn’thavemyfirstphysicaluntilIwaseighteenwhenIfoundafreeclinic.”Iinhaled;

knowingwhatIwasabouttosaynextwassomethingInevertalkedabout.NoteventoWilliam.Myheart

poundedinmychest,nervesbuildingupinsidemeasIcontinued.

“Onenight,mymotherdecidedtorobaconveniencestore.Wewerehungryandthirstyandhadno

ideahowlongit’dbeensinceourlastmeal.Weweretravelingagainwithnodestinationinsight.My

momwasdiagnosedwithbipolardisorderyearsearlier—fromapsychiatristashelterontheeastcoast

wasabletoprovideforher—andwasoffhermedicationagain.Ibeggedhernottodoit,knowingthere

wasalwaysarisk,butIdidn’thavemuchfightleftinme.”Iclosedmyeyesforamoment,pushingback

thetears.

“Shemanagedtograbsomedrinksandchipsbeforerunningout.Shethrewthematmeandsaidshe

wasgoingbackin.Ibeggedhernotto.Isaidshecouldhaveitallifshewerethathungry.Thefireinher

eyestoldmenothingwouldconvinceher.Shequicklyranbackinandthistimetheclerkwasprepared.

Hepulledagunonher,butsinceshewouldn’tleavelikehedemanded,heshother.Irememberscreaming

andrunninginside,holdingherheadinmyarmsasshetookherlastbreath.Theclerkdroppedthegunand

juststaredatme,shockedthathehadpulledthetrigger.Iscreamedandcried,knowingtherewasnothingI

coulddo.OnceIheardthesirens,Itookoff.Ididn’twanttobeputintofostercare,andIwasturning

eighteeninlessthanamonth.”Ipausedagain,searchingtheaudienceastheyallpiercedtheireyesupat

me.

“AndthatwaswhenImadeittothecity.TheCoalitiongavemeresourcesthathelpedmefinishmy

GEDandapplyforaninternshipatBoxyMagazine,whichendedupbeingalifechangerforme.Iworked

mywayup,finishedmyassociatesdegree,andeventually,Iwashiredonasafull-timeemployee.Ican

almostguaranteeyouwithoutHelenaandtheCoalition’shelpandsupport,Iwould’veendedupbackon

thestreet,livingmyadulthoodthesameasmychildhood.But,fortunately,Icanstandhereinfrontofyou

alltonightandsayIwasgivenasecondchance.Iwasgivenasecondchanceatlife,atmakingsomething

ofmyself,atbeingaproductivecitizeninthecommunity.Andwiththerightresourcesandencouragement,

anyonecandothat,regardlessoftheirchildhood.”

IfinallyexhaledalongbreathasIrambledonformuchlongerthanIhadexpected,butonceI

started,Icouldn’tstop.ItwasasifIhadbeenholdingitinallthistimeanditneededtobereleased.At

first,Iexpectedglaresandlooksofpitybutwassoongreetedwithastandingovation.Menandwomen

stoodandapplaudedme,smilingupatmewithadmiration.IcouldhardlybelievewhatIwasseeing.I

hadn’texpectedthiskindofresponseandnowthetearsthreateningtopouroutearlierwereleakingout

uncontrollably.

“Wow…”Helenasaidnexttome.“Thankyousomuchforsharingyourstory,Mackenzie.We

appreciateitsomuch.”Shewavedahandouttothecrowdandthenswarmedmeinforahug.“Your

successstoryisbeautiful,”shewhisperedinmyear.

IchancedalookatWilliam,whowasstandingaswell,buthislipswereinafirmlineashe

applaudedwiththecrowd.Helookedatmeinshockasifhewasn’tquitesurewhattothink.Alex’seyes

werefocusedonme,unmovingandunreadableasIthankedthecrowdonelasttimeandsteppeddown.

AsIwalkedbacktomytable,peoplestoppedmealongtheway,smilingandcongratulatingmeon

mysuccess.Iflashedsmallsmilesback,thenervesandanxietyofwhatIhadjustconfessedfinally

catchinguptome.

BythetimeIgotbacktomytable,Williamwasfinallyeatinghismealthathadtobecoldbynow.

AlexstayedstandinguntilIreachedmychairbeforeheleanedinandwhispered,“Youdidincredible.

Youshouldbeproud.”Ilookedbrieflyathimasheflashedagenuine,sweetsmileatme.

“Ididn’texpectthat…atall.ButI’mgladIdidit,”IrespondedhonestlyasItookmyseat.“Itfeels

goodtogetitoffmychesttoaroomofpeoplewhounderstandandwanttohelp.”

“Youdidwonderful,darling.Greatspeech.”Williamleanedoverandkissedmycheek.“Youhavea

greatbackstory.Thepresswilleatthatupbigtime.”

ThedifferencebetweenhimandmewasthatIdidn’tcareaboutthepress.Ididn’twantthemusing

mystorytomakemoney.Itwasmystoryanditwasn’tmeanttobeusedforthatpurpose.

“Well,knowingthem,they’llspinitintosomemessedupstoryandmakemelookbad.”

“Well,beinghomelessisn’texactlysomethingtoglamorize,darling.”

Inarrowedmybrowsinfrustration.“Well,exactly.It’snot,”Ihissed.“It’sanuglytruththattoo

manypeopledon’twanttoknowabout.”

“Well,ofcoursenot.”Hesighed.“ButI’mproudofyouforgettinginvolvedwithsomethingyou’re

passionateabout.Itshowsthepressyouhavegoodcharacter.”Hisexpressionshowednoemotion

whatsoever,andIcouldn’tbelievehewasn’tabitaffectedbyit.

IleanedinsoIwouldn’tmakeascene,andinahushed,sternvoice,Isaid,“Idon’tcareaboutthe

fuckingpress.Idon’tcarehowbaditmakesmelook.IthoughtIdid,butnowthatI’vestoodupthereand

basically,overcamemybiggestfearoftellingstrangerswhatmychildhoodwasreallylike,I’mdone

hidingandpretendingthatitneverhappened.Becausewhetherornotyoulikeit,itdid.”

Heflashedhiseyestomebrieflybeforetakingasipofhisdrinkandsaid,“We’lltalkaboutthisin

private,Mackenzie.Thisisn’ttheplace.”

ChapterSixteen

Williamescortedmetothecarthatwaswaitingforus.Thephotographershadallleft,butIstillfeltlikeI

wasondisplay.Heplacedhishandsecurelyonmylowerback,usheringmetothebackofthecar.Ifelt

uneasyaboutthewholenight,butIcouldn’tthinkofthatrightnow.Ijustwantedtobehome.

AsWilliamwalkedaroundtogetintotheotherside,myeyesmetAlex’sthroughthewindow.He

wasleaningagainstthebuildingwithbothofhishandsinhispockets,staringintentlyatme.Hislipswere

inafirmlineandtenseaswerehisfacialfeatures.Iswallowedandmouthed,“Thankyou”tohimjust

beforeWilliamsatinnexttome.Alexreturnedalightnodbeforepushingoffthebuildingandwalking

away.Thecarstartedandpulledintotrafficjustasheturnedandlookedatmeoncemore.

Icouldfeelmyheartbreakinthatmoment.IclosedmyeyesasIthoughtaboutthesituationIwasin.

HowcouldIbeinlovewithonemanandhavefeelingsforanother?

Wasthatevenpossible?

Ididn’tknowalotaboutrelationshipsandlovebeforeImetWilliam.Ihadgoneondates,butthey

neverturnedserious.WhenImetWilliam,andheaskedmeoutonthatfirstdate,Ineverexpectedittogo

further.Iwascompletelysmittenandhetookmybreathawayonadailybasiswithhowsweetand

attentivehewas.Ididn’thaveanythingtocompareitto,butIjustknewitmademefeelreallyspecial.

Sowhenheproposedtome,itwasano-brainer.Ihadneverbeenhappier,andIwantedtokeepit

thatway,butnowIwasfindingmyselfquestioningeverything.

Iwascompletelysilentinthecaronthewayhome.Heplacedahandonmykneeandleftitthere

untilwearrivedattheapartment.Wehadn’tspokenmuchsinceaftermyspeech,andIcouldonlyhopehis

mindwasspinningasmuchasminewas.

Becauserightnow,nothingwasmakinganyfuckingsensetome.Ineededasign,areasontobelieve

Iwasmeanttobewithhim.

Assoonaswesteppedintotheapartment,IfistedthematerialonWilliam’schestandpulledhimto

me,lockingmylipsonhis,hotandhard.Iwasangrywithhim,pissedthathehadn’tbeensupportiveand

stayedbymyside,butIneededtotestmyfeelingsforhim.Iwantedtofeelsomething.Afterthekitchen

incidentwithAlex,Iwasbeginningtodoubteverything.

Hislipscoveredmine,reciprocatingeverythingIwasgivinghim.Hishandsfirmlygrippedmyhips,

pullingusclosertogether.Icouldfeelhisarousalagainstmystomachandthethoughtexcitedand

sickenedmeatthesametime.Theimagesurfacedofthatwoman’shandsalloverhim,rightinfrontofme,

andyetIhadn’tfeltastingofjealousy.Iwasmoreupsetatthefacthewasn’tbymyside,supportingand

focusingonlyonme.MybloodboiledasIthoughtabouthowIonlywantedonenight—justonenightthat

wasaboutmeandwhatIwaspassionateabout,andhecouldn’tevengivemethat.

Williammoanedinmymouthashishandtrailedupmybodyandlandedonmybreast.Hesqueezed

itgentlywithjustatouchofpressure.Hewasneveroverlyforceful,butjustenoughtoletmeknowhe

wantedme.

“Mackenzie…”hemoanedinmymouth,butitdidn’tsoundright.Forthefirsttimesincemeeting

him,thesoundofhimsayingmynametoremeup.“Darling…”hesaidagain,pushingusthroughthe

house.Hislipsremainedonmymouthandneckuntilwearrivedtothebedroom.

Iwaspantingbythetimemykneesbuckledagainstthemattress.Heleanedoverme,forcingmeto

leanbackonthebedasheslippedhishandsupmythighs.Howwasithedidn’tevenrealizeIwas

annoyedwithhimbeforeleavingtheevent?

AndwhywasIfoolingmyself?

“William,stop,”Isaidabruptly,pushingmybodybackup.“Stop.”

“Whatisit?”heasked,stunnedandconfused.Hewipedthecornersofhismouthoffbeforeseeing

theseriousexpressiononmyface.“Areyouallright?”

Iadjustedmydress,pullingthestrapsthathadslippeddownbackupandcoveringmylegsbefore

speakingagain.“Wouldithavekilledyoutostaybymysidetonight?”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“Tonight!”Iscreamed,irritatedthathewasgoingtomakethisdifficult.“First,you’relate,andthen

whenyoudoarrive,youwanderofftotalktoeveryonebutme.Don’tyouthinkthat’sabitupsettingfor

me?”

“Mackenzie,darling…therewerepeopletherewhoexpectmetomakeconversation.It’srudeifI

ignorethem.It’sjustbusiness,youknowthat.”

“AndwhataboutwhatIexpectfromyou?Doesthatnotmeananything?”Ichallenged,myface

feelinghotasIfinallypushedmyguardawayandwasreadytotellhimexactlyhowfuckeduphis

behaviorwas.

“Ididn’trealizeitwouldbeaproblem,”hesaidcasually,standingupandfixinghisshirt.“Ialways

speaktocolleaguesatevents.It’sneverbeenaproblembefore.”

Istoodupwithastraightfaceandreplied,“Well,it’saproblemnow.Tonightwasaboutmeand

perhapsIwasafoolforexpectingyou’dbebymysideforonce.”

Isteppedtowalkpasthim,buthefirmlygraspedmyarmandpulledmebacktowardhim.“Don’t

leave.”

“Ineedsomeair,”Isaid,unabletolookathim.Thiswasn’ttheWilliamIhadfalleninlovewith.

Wehadbothbeendrinking,andIcouldn’tthinkstraight.

“Fine.Butthenwe’regoingtotalkaboutthiswhenyoucomeback.”Itwasn’taquestion—hewas

demandingit.

ButIdidn’tfeelliketalkingaboutit.

ISTOODOUTonthepatiowithablanketdrapedovermyshoulders.Thenightairhadcooleddown

some,butIdidn’tcare.Thecrispairfeltgood,almostnumbtowhatmyheartandheadwerefeeling.

HadIbeenblindthisentiretime?WasWilliamalwaysthisperson?Washechanging?

OrwasI?

Ihatedquestioningthings.Itbroughtuptoomanyhurtfulmemories,andIjustwantedtobelieve

thingsworkedoutforthebest.ButnowIwasquestioningeverything.

Afterawhile,Iwentbackinsidetowarmup.Imademyselfacupofhotchocolateandpeekedinto

thebedroom.Williamwaspassedoutinbed,butIwasn’treadytogosleepnexttohim.Ineededtime.

Iwalkedintothesittingroomthatwasjustoffthemainlivingroom.Itwassmallerandpeaceful

withawhitebuilt-inbookshelfandmymodern,elegantoff-whitecouchIhadbroughtfrommyold

apartment.Ididn’tbringmanythingsover,butIboughtitwithoneofmyfirstbigchecksandIwasproud

ofthatpurchase.Williamhadmaderoomforitinhere,soIalwayslikedcominginonoccasion.Butright

now,itwasbeingusedtoputdistancebetweenthemessthatmyrealityfeltrightnowandmyself.

TheroomhadasetofwhiteFrenchdoors,butIkeptonesideopenjustincaseWilliamcame

lookingformelater.Igrabbedablanketandsnuggledintothecouch,needingagoodnight’ssleeptoget

myselfbacktofeelinglikemeagain.

IthoughtIheardshufflinginthelivingroom,scaringmeoutofmydeepsleep.Ipeekedoverthe

edgeofthecouchandsawalampwaslefton.Icheckedmyphoneandsawthatitwaspastthreea.m.

Alexmustjustbecominghome.Hedidn’tleavewithus,andfromthepainedlookhegaveme,Iknewhe

hadn’tplannedtocomehomeanytimesoon.

Isettledbackintothecouch,lettingsleeptakeoveronceagain.

ChapterSeventeen

Iwokeuptoaquietapartment,butthepoundinginmychestwasanythingbutquiet.Iwasalsobreathing

heavilyasifIhadjustrunamarathon.Somethingfeltwrong.

Istoodupandgrabbedmyphone.Itwasjustafterninea.m.NormallyonSundays,whenWilliam

washome,he’dbeoutonthepatiowiththenewspaperandcoffee.Buttheapartmentsoundedcompletely

empty.

AndthenIrememberedwhyIhadwokenupsoabruptlyandwhymybodyfelttense.

Iremembered.

Irememberedeverything.

Ihaddreamtit,oratleastIthinkIdid.Eitherthatormymemorywascomingbacktome…

“Areyoufromaroundhere?”Iaskedoncewewereinhishotelsuite.

“Originally,yes.ButIjustmovedbackfromEuropeafterstudyingfouryearsabroad.”

“Oh,wow…”Hegrabbedmyhandagain,leadingusoutoftheelevatoranddownthehalltohis

room.“Privatesuite?”

“Yeah.”Heletoutaneasylaugh.“Familymoney.”Heshrugged.Icouldtellhedidn’twantto

talkanymoreaboutit,whichwasfinewithme.

“Doyouwantadrink?”heasked,lettinggoofmyhandandwalkingtowardthewetbar.

“Sure…I’lltakewhatever,”Ireplied,takingagoodlookaroundtheroom.Thewindowswere

floortoceilingandtheviewfromherewasbreathtaking.

Heturnedaroundandhandedmetheglass.Iwasstillbuzzedfromthedrinkswehadbefore

leavingLeBain.

IbroughttheglassuptomylipsasmyeyestraileddownAlex’sbody.Hewasyoung,definitelyfit

andinshape,andhadnaileddownthe‘I’mgoingtoeatyoualive’look.AllIknewatthatmomentwas

howdoneIwaswithbeingManhattan’sgoodgirl.Iwasdonewiththeacting.Orperhapsthatwasthe

alcoholtakingover.

Islammedthedrinkdown,notevenknowingwhatitwas.Ichokedontheintenseburn,butI

quicklyswalloweditdown,notcaringanymore.

“Shit…”Alexspitout.“Youaren’tsupposedtodownitlikeashot.”Hetriedtoconcealhis

laughter,buthissmiletoldmeeverything.Hewasfuckingturnedon.

“Ididn’twanttowasteanymoretime.”Isetitdownonthebarandwalkeduptohim.“Nomore

wastingtime…”Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhim,bringinghismouthdowntomine.Icrushedourlips

together,themixtureofalcoholandheatevidentasourmouthscollided.Iheardhisglassdrop,liquid

splashingasitlandedonthefloor.

Hisarmswrappedaroundmywaist,pullingmeup.Mylegsengulfedhim,wrappingaroundhim

ashewalkedusdownahall.Ifelthishardbulgeagainstmythigh,tauntingtheachedownbeloweven

more.

Moaning,panting,grinding.Ourbodieswereinseparableaswemadeourwayintoabedroom.

HekickedoneoftheFrenchdoorsopen;itslammedagainstthewallinresponse.

Hesetmeontopofadesk,ourmouthsstillconnectedinaheatedbattleofwanting,needing

more.Myhandsrakedthroughhishairashepressedhispelvisintome.Icouldfeelhisarousalin

betweenmylegs,whichdrovemefuckingcrazy.God,Iwantedtofeelhim.Touchhim.Lickhim.

“Alex…”Iwhimperedashismouthslowlymoveddownmyjawandneck.“Oh,god…”Imoaned

ashislipssuckedonmycollarbonelikehe’dbeenbeggingforallnightlong.“Mm…”

Hebroughthislipsbackuptomyearandwhispered,“Sayitagain.”

“Saywhat?”

“Myname…”Hebitmyeargentlybeforecontinuing,“Sayit.”

Iswallowed,mybodyquiveringinresponse.“Alex…Iwantyousofuckingbad…”

“Iknow,sweetheart.”Icouldfeelhimsmileagainstmyneck,adevilish,grinningsmileIwas

sure.“Hangontothedesk,”hedemanded.

Myhandsfoundtheedge.Ifoldedmyfingersoveranddidashesaid.Heleanedbackandstared

atme.

“What?”Iasked,suddenlyfeelingself-conscious.

“You’resofuckinggorgeous.Youknowthat?Imean,really,Mac.Beautiful.”Hisvoicewas

genuine,makingmeblushathowmuchattentionhewasgivingme.Hiseyeswereintense,staringat

alltheintimatedetailsofmybody.

Hebrushedhishandsupmythighs,takingmydressupwiththem.Hefoundthestringofmy

pantiesandloopedhisfingersthrough.Hegrippedthemashebeganpullingthemdownmythighs,

knees,andeventually,lettingthemfalltothefloor.

Myshoeswerestillon,buthedidn’tremovethem.Hespreadmylegsashekneltonthefloor,

positioninghisheadrightinbetweenthem.

Hegrazedtheinsideofmythighwithhisnose,groaningandlickingashemadehiswayup

closer.Iwasdying.Mybodywasachingforhimandhewasslowlytorturingme,tauntingme.Icould

feelhowwetIwasforhim.Justoneflickofhistonguewasallit’dtaketosetmeoffifhedidn’tgive

mewhatIneededsoon.

Hishandsgrippedbehindmyknees,holdingmylegsapartashecontinuedlickingandgrazing

hisnoseupmyotherthigh,stillnotgivingintowhereIreallywantedhismouth.

“Alex…I’mabouttocombust,”Iwhimpered.“Please…orI’mgoingtodoitmyself.”

Hesmiledwide,obviouslypleasedwithhowworkedupIwas.“Youmovethosehands,Mac,and

I’llbetyingthemup.Doyouunderstand?”

Igroaned,myarousalheatingupevenmore.Iwasn’taprude,butIhadn’teverbeentiedup

before.PerhapsI’dliketobetiedup?

“Yes,”Iansweredanyway.

“Goodgirl.”Hekissedtheinsideofmythighashepushedmydressupevenhigher.“Leanback,

sweetheart.Andremember,hangontotheedge.”

BeforeIcouldrespond,hismouthwasonme.Histonguelappedupanddownmyslitsofast,I

sworeIcamerightthenandthere.Hemoanedandgruntedashesuckedonmyclit.Myhipsbuckedin

response,desperatelywantingtomovemyhandstohishead.

Inaudiblemoansandwordscameoutofmymouth.Iwasnolongerincontrol.Mybodyachedand

ashiverofthrillrespondedfromwhathewasgiving.

“Fuck,Mac…Icoulddevourthispussyallnightlong.Youtastelikefuckingheaven.”Hereleased

hismouthforjustamomentbeforedivingbackin.Mybackarchedeagerlyformore.Heshifted

slightlyashebroughttwofingersupandstartedrubbingcirclesonmyclit.Igaspedashepressed

bothfingersinsideme,twisting,andpushingthemdeeperinside.

“Oh,god!”Ishrieked,losingmygriponthewood.“Shit…oh,mygod…y-yes!”Icouldn’tcontrol

thewordsthatescapedmythroat.Iwasmoaningandscreamingandcompletelylosingit.

“Letmehearyou,Mac.”

“Ican’t…”Ibreathedout.“My,god,it’stoomuch.”

“Youwanttocome,don’tyou?”hetauntedwithamusement.Inodded,pushingmyhipsontohis

fingersharder.

“Yes,yes!”Ibegged.IneededtoorIwasgoingtopassoutfromtheintensity.

“Goodgirl.Keeptalking,sweetheart.”Hebroughthismouthbackdown,suckingonmyclitashe

workedhisfingersdeeperinsideme.Thebuildupwasintense,andIwasn’tsurehowmuchlongerI

couldlast.

“Yes…Alex,more.Please,don’tstop!”Isqueezedtheedge,tryingtoholdonasbestIcould.He

workeduparhythmoflickingandsuckingashetwistedandpushedhisfingersinharderanddeeper.

Mybodytensed,mylegsclenchedtightertogetherasheuppedthepace.Heusedhisthumbtopress

circlesagainstme,hismouthneverleavingtherawskinofmypussyasIscreamedouthisname.

“Alex!Yes,ohmygod!”Mybodybuckedhardintohimasmyhandsflewtohishairandsqueezed.I

pushedhisheadhardintomeasIrodeoutmyorgasm.

Mybodyrelaxed,myhandsfallinglaxagainstthedesktop.Mybreathingstartedtoslowdown

fromitsrapidrhythm—butbeforeIhadachancetocatchmybreath,Alexsurprisedmebycontinuing.

Iclenchedmylegstogether,squeezinghishead.“Whatareyoudoing?”Isquealed,notreadyfor

himtogoagain.Ihadbarelyrecovered.“Ohmygod…no,Alex.Wait.Ohmygod…”Hecontinuedhis

pleasurabletorture,crossingthelinetopainfulpleasureasanotherorgasmrippedthroughmybody.It

suredidn’ttakemuch.Iwasextremelysensitiveandthebrushofhisfacialstubblejustaddedtoit.

“Jesus…”hegrowled.Myeyesblinkedtohisface,bravingalookatwhattastingtwoorgasms

lookedlike.“Iwasn’tkiddingwhenIsaidyoutastedlikeheaven…exceptwhenyoucome,it’stentimes

better.Likeheavenonsteroids.”

Mybodysunkonthedeskashelickedhislipsandwipedhisjaw.Iwasmesmerized.Captivated.

Thealcoholswamthroughmeasarushofcalmnessovercameme.

“Mybodyfeelslikejello,”Iblurtedout.“Ididn’tevenknowthatwaspossible…tocometwicein

arow.Holyshit.”Icouldfeelmycheeksheat,butIdidn’tcare.Ijusthadthisguy’stongueallup

insidemetwosecondsago.

“Youhaveexactlyfiveminutestorecover,sweetheart.AndthenI’mfindingabetteruseforthat

ass.”HenoddeddownatthedarkcherrywooddeskI’dbeensittingon.Hesmirkedashepushed

himselftostandupwhilemaintainingeyecontact.

Iwenttousethebathroom,needingtimetorecover.Mybodywasflushed,thealcoholstill

buzzingthroughmyveins.Ipulledmydressbackdown,butIknewitwasnouse.Iplannedtolethim

ripitoffmeassoonashewasready.

AlexhandedmeanotherdrinkasIsatontheedgeofthebed.Isippeditthistime,givingmybody

thetimeitneededtorest.

“SowhatdidyoustudyinEurope?”Iasked,gettingabetterlookathimasheleanedupagainst

thewallinfrontofme.

“Businessandforeignpolicy.”Hecontinuedstaringintentlyatme,holdingontoaglassinoneof

hishands.

“That’squiteintimidating.”Myeyeswidened,impressed.Ibroughttheglassbacktomylips,

tastingtheburnofwhiskeyasitwentdownmythroat.

“Nah,it’snotasbadasitsounds.It’safamilything.Traditionandallthatshit.Yaknowhowthat

goes.”

“Yeah,Ihaveanidea.”ThetruthwasIknewallaboutthattoomuch.AlthoughIdidn’tcomefrom

money,Iknewplentyofpeoplewhodid.Isawhowitchangedthem,howtheyactedentitledtoitall,

howtheyfelttheywereinvincible.MostofthesepeopleIcalledmyfriends,butdeepdown,our

friendshipwasasfakeastheirbreastimplants.

“Whataboutyou?”heasked,raisinganeyebrow.“Fashion?Marketing?Sociology?”helisted

withamusement,grinning.

“IsthatthenormforNewYorkCityelite?”Imocked.

“Let’ssee…livingondaddy’smoney,I’dsayanythingthatdidn’trequiretheirbrainstoactually

work.”Hepursedhislipsasifhewerereallythinkingaboutit.“Isshoppingamajor?”

Ilaughedlightly,actuallywonderingthesamething.Whatdidrichdaddy’sgirlsmajorin?

“Ididn’tgraduatefromafour-yearcollege,actually,”Iadmitted,asmuchasithurttosayit

aloud.“Ineverhadthemoney.”Ishruggeditoff.

Hisfaceresembledamixofshockandpity.“Oh,sorry.Ijustassumedsince—”

“No,it’sfine,”Icuthimoff.“Mostpeopledo.”Icouldn’tgointoanyfurtherdetails.Atthis

point,Ijustwantedtoforgetmyperfectly-designedlifejustforonenight.

Itippedmyheadbackandfinishedmydrinkhopingtoendtheconversationforgood.Hewatched

mewithcaptivatingeyesashewalkedtowardme.Theylookedhungryandeager.

Forme.

Ileaneddownonthemattressashestartedtohoveroverme.“Sowhydon’tyoutellhowa

gorgeouswomanlikeyouisn’ttakenalready.”

“Youknow…”Ibeganashesituatedhisbodycomfortablyinbetweenmylegs,removingmydress

completely.“HadIknownatthebaryouweresuchatalker…”

BeforeIcouldfinishmysentence,hespreadmylegswideandroughlypushedinsideme.He

openedandstretchedmebeforeIevenhadtimetocomprehendanything.Igaspedasmyfingersdug

intohisbackandhungon.

Hefeltlargeandthick.Hekeptupthepace,thrustinginandpullingout.In,out,inout.Heheld

ontomyass,pushingusevenclosertogether.Ihadnoideaitcouldfeellikethis.Heconsumedme…

everynerveinmybodywasonfireashecontinuedstretchingme.

“Yes…god,yes…”Imoaned,screamed,grunted.Icouldn’tthink.Icouldonlyfeel.Andmybody

wasfeelingeverything.

“Christ,Mac…youfeelfuckingamazing,”hesaidagainstmyear.Myhandsgrabbedontohis

ass,pushinghimevendeeperinsidemeasIscratchedmynailsupanddownhisbody.Mylegs

clenchedtightertogetherashecontinueddrivingintome.Mypussysqueezedhiscockasmybody

beganconvulsing.

“God,Iloveitwhenyoudothat,Mac,”hegrowled,nippinglightlyagainstthefleshofmyear.It

sentashiverdownmybodyasIarchedmyhipsuptogreethiseagerthrusts.

“I’mmarkingyouforalltheothergirlswhotrytogetnearyou.”

Heslowedhisrhythm,bringinghisheadtominesooureyeswerenowlocked.“Sweetheart,ifI

hadyou,I’dhavenoreasontobewithanothergirlfortherestofmylife.”

Isquinted,needingtomakesurethisguywasforreal.Iblushedbeforeresponding,“You’rejust

sayingthat…althoughyoudon’thaveto...I’malreadyunderneathyou.”

Helaughedlightly,movingagainstmeagain.“I’mnot,Mac.Youreallyareasweetthing.So

fuckinggorgeousandperfect.Ican’tbelieveanothermanhasn’tclaimedyouyet.”

Icontinuedmoaningandpantinginresponse,unabletoreply.

“C’mon,sweetheart.Letmehearyou…tellmehowgooditfeels.”

“Sogood…yes!”Iscreamed.Icouldn’treallyspeak;thesensationwastoooverwhelming.My

bodyhadtakenoveranditwasabouttocomealloverhim.Forthethirdtime.

“Thatagirl…”HepumpedfasterasIscreamedhisname,mybodytighteningallaroundhim.I

dugmynailsharderintohisassandbackasmytoescurledincompleteecstasy.“God,you’reso

beautiful,”hesaid,thrustingoncemore,goingdeeperinsidebeforehegrowledoutmynameand

releasedinsideme.

Mybodyfeltrelaxed.Toorelaxed.Myarmsfelltothebedinsurrenderashepressedhismouthto

me,slowlyentwininghistonguewithmine.Ifelthimslowlymoveoutofmeandlayonhissidenextto

me,rubbinghisfingersagainstmycheeksoothingly.

“You’resomethingelse,Mac.”

“Whatdoesthatmean?”Iturnedandfacedhim,smiling.

“I’mnotsure,”hesaid,laughingtohimself.“Itmeans…I’mcaptivated.Completely.”

“Well,don’tgetattached,”Itriedtorespondseriously,butitcameoutingiggles.Icouldn’t

concentrate.Mymindwasgoingfuzzy,thealcoholburningthroughme.Heloweredhishandand

grabbedmyhip,pullingmeontomystomachandhalf-wayontopofhim.

Iwasn’tsurehowlongwelaythere,butsoon,Iheardmystomachgrowling.Ifellinandoutof

consciousness,butIneverfullyfellasleep.“Wouldyoulikemetoorderyousomefood?”heasked,

teasingly.“OrcanItalkyouintosomethingelse?”

Herolledmeoveronmybackandclimbedontopofme.“You’reananimalifyoucango

again…”Isaidinbetweenhiskisses.Mybodyrespondedtohimimmediately,archinguptofeelhim

againstme.

“Ijustwascomingtokissyou…you’retheonereachingformore,”hemocked.Myhandmoved

downhisbodyandgrippedhiminmypalm.Ihadn’tbeenabletofeelhiminbetweenmyfingersyet

andIwasbeggingto.Hisskinwassmoothandfirm.Icouldfeelhimgrowingharderinmyhand,andI

couldn’thelpbutwantmore.

“Ican’thelpit…youjustfeelsofuckinggood,”Iadmitted.Hebroughthislipsbacktomine,

pushinghistongueindeeperasIspedupthepace.Ilethimslideupanddowninmyhandashis

mouthassaultedme.

Ireleasedamoan,mybodyburningforhimtobebackinsidemeagain.Ididn’tknowwhatitwas

abouthim,butIcouldn’tgetenough.

Hebrokethekissandwhenoureyesmet,hedemanded,“Rollover.”

Ididashesaid,rollingtomystomachsomyasswasfacinghim.Normally,I’dfeelself-

conscious,butbetweenthealcoholandadrenalinerush,Ionlyfeltdesire.

“Goodgod,”Iheardhimgrowl.“Thatassisfuckingperfect.”Hedippedhisheaddown,slowly

andtorturouslykissingthelengthofmyspine.“Youtasteincredibleeverywhere.Nothingwillever

compareorsatisfymycravingnow.”Ifelthislipscurlupagainstmyskin.

“Well,that’sunfortunate,”Ichuckled,raisingmyhipsuptomeethim.

“Notevenmyfavorite…”

Hedidn’tfinish…hebentdownandbitmyass.Iyelpedinsurprisebutfounditmorepleasurable

thanpainful.Hekissedoverthebiteandthengrabbedmyhips,pushingmyassoutevenfurther.

“Don’tmove,”hedemanded.“Thisisperfect.”Heranhishanddownmyspineandoverthe

curvesofmycheeks.Hebentdownagainandkissedme,moaningandgroaningashedevouredmy

skin.

Ifelthimpositionhimselfbehindmeasheteasedmyopeningwiththetipofhiscock.Ipushed

myassout,needinghiminsideme.“Greedy,”hetaunted.Ismiledashecontinuedmovingitupand

downmyslit,makingmewetterandwetter.Iwasalreadywet,butnowIcouldfeelmyselfdrippingall

overhim.

“Alex…”Ipleaded,tryingtopushmyselfdownonhim.

“Yes,sweetheart?Tellmewhatyouwant…”heprobed.

“Iwantyou…hard.Ineedit…you,”Iconfessed.Itwasexhilaratingbeggingforit.Iwaswilling

tobeghimforanythingatthispoint.Iwascravingit,achingdesperatelyforhimtofuckme.

Hegentlypushedinsidebutstoppedbeforehewasallthewayin.Hewasenjoyingmakingme

squirm,gettingoffonnotgettingmeoff.“Alex!”Iscreamed.Itfeltliketorturenow.

“Youkeepscreamingmynamelikethat,sweetheart,I’llfuckyouanywayyouask,baby.”His

voicewascalm,butfirm.Itwasroughanddeep,anddrovemeabsolutelyfuckingcrazy.

“Alex….”Ibegged.“I’lldoanything.”

“Iloveagirlwhobegsforme,sweetheart.It’ssofuckinghot…you’resofuckinghot.”Hepushed

insidefinally,fillingmecompletelyjustthewayIneededhimto.Itfeltincrediblehowdeephewas

abletogetfrombehindme.Hegrippedmyhipsharder,digginghisnailsintomyskinashemoved

faster,thrustinginandoutasdeepashecould.

“Yes!God,yes!Don’tstop…”Irambled,moaning,andgrippingthesheetsinbetweenmyfingers.

Hewasusingandabusingmybody,butI’dbeggedforit.Iwantedit.I’dneverexperiencedanything

likeitbefore.

“Letmehearyou,Mac,”hesaid,drivingintomedeeper.Icouldheartheslapsofourbodies,the

mixedarousalsjoiningtogetherasourbodiescollidedoverandover.ItwasthebestfuckingsoundI’d

everheard.

“I’msoclose,Alex…god.Don’tstop…harder.I’malmostthere…”Isqueezedmyeyes,arching

mybackoutmoreashedroveintomeandslammeddirectlyonmyg-spot,makingmescreamhisname

outimmediately.

“Holyshit,”Ibreathedout,barelyabletocontainmyself.Hewasstilldrivingintomewithfull

force,buildingmybodyuponceagain.“Idon’tknowhowmuchmoreIcantake…I—”

Withonefinalthrust,hecame,pullinganotherorgasmfrommewithhim.Wescreamedand

moanedtogether,ridingouttheintenseexplosionwebothhadjustexperienced.

Icollapsedonthebedjustashepulledout.Mybodywasdone.Icouldn’ttakeanymore.

Ifeltthebeddipandfootstepsfollowedafter.Ihadassumedthiswasthepartoftheone-night

standwhereyougoyourseparateways.OrsoIfigured.

Iheardhimreturn,andwhenIturnedmyheadtolook,hewasinsweatsholdingawetcloth.

“Turnaround,sweetheart.You’regoingtobesoretomorrow.”Hiskindnessthrewmeoff.Ihadn’t

expectedhimtotakecareofmeafterward.Noguyhaseverdonethatforme.

Hecarefullyrubbeditbetweenmylegs,lettingthewarmthconsumemeashecleanedmeup.It

feltamazingandacryalmostescapedwhenhepulleditawayandtosseditaside.

“Thanks.”Ismiled,myeyesstartingtogetheavy.

HepulledthesheetsbackandIfelthimgetinnexttome.Hepressedhischestagainstmybackas

helaysidebysidewithme.Hewrappedhisarmaroundmeandheldmeclosetohisheart.

ThatIhadn’texpected.

Oncetherealizationhitme—thechemistry,thesparkthatlivedinsidemethiswholetimewithout

evenknowingit—Iknew.

Ihadtomakeadecision.

ChapterEighteen

Iwasn’tgoingtomakethisdecisionlightly.IknewIneededtotalkthisoutwithsomeoneandthat

someonewasStaci.ItextedherthatweneededtomeetupASAP.ImmediatelyafterworkMonday,Iwent

overtoherapartmentsowecouldtalkinprivate.

“IneedtotellWilliam,right?Tellhim,moveout,andstartover.That’stheonlylogicalanswer,”I

statedmatter-of-factlyasIsatonhersmallcouch,shovingDorito’sSpicyNachoschipsintomymouth.

Ididn’tevenlikehotchips.

ButIwasnervousandupset,andIeatwhenI’mnervousandupset.

“Mac,let’sjustthinkthisthrough,okay?”

“Whydoyouthinkitallcamebacktomeweekslater?I’dbeenhavingglimpsesofithereandthere,

andthen,itjustallcomesbacktome…”Irambledoff,continuingtoeatandchew.

“Well,I’mnopsychologist…”Shenarrowedherbrowsatme.“Butsometimes,memoriesare

triggeredbysomething.Anemotion.Anincident.Sometimesit’ssomethingassmallasasmell,acolor,a

voice.Yourbraincanblockmemoriesoutthatwouldotherwisebepainful,”sheexplained.“Mylittle

sisterwasinabadcaraccidentwhenwewerelittle.Wewereridingourbikesandshecrossedtheroad

andwashitbyatruckthatwaspullingatrailer.Shebrokeherlegandwasinabodycastforweeks.She

wasnineyearsold,butaftersurgeryandgettingtocomehome,shedidn’tremembertheactualeventsof

theaccident.Andnowtothisdayeven,shedoesn’trememberanyofit.So…yourbrainblocksthoseout.

Thememoryofthepainofwhatshefeltwastoomuchforherandit’sbeenblockedoutofhermemory

eversince.”Iactuallycouldunderstandwhatshewastalkingaboutandnodded.

“Okay,thatmakessense.But…Idon’tknow.Itjustseemsweird,right?”

“Well,youwereprettyintoxicated,right?”

“Yeah…youcouldsaythat.”Isighed.I’veneverbeenthatirresponsiblebeforeinmylife.“So

what’sthisallmean?ThatIwasreadytorememberit?Thatsomehowthememoryfloodedbackin

becauseofmyfightwithWilliam?Imean,thatcould’vebeenatrigger.”

Shetappedherfingeronherwineglassasshethoughtitthrough.Icontinuedthinkingaboutthatnight

andhowit’sallI’vebeenabletothinkabout.“Yourspeech!”shespatout.“Shit…youhadjustgivena

wholespeechaboutyourpast.Youletyourguarddown.Youallowedyourselftobevulnerableandlet

peopleseeyouforyou.Youbecamecomfortablewiththememoryofyourpastandsoit’dmakesensefor

yourblockedmemoriestocomeback.AndI’msureAlexbeingtheredidn’thelp.”

Iswallowedasherwordssunkin.Itwasstartingtomakesense.Iavoidedtalkingaboutmypastas

muchaspossible,butSaturdaynightwasdifferent.OnceIstarted,itwashardtostop.NotonlywasI

passionateaboutthecharity,butIwaspassionateaboutbeinghonestandlettingpeopleseetherealme.

Williamactedasifitwasanadcampaignformakingmelookgoodtothepress,whereasAlexstoodby

mysideeverystepoftheway.

“You’reright,”Isaidquietly.“Alexseesmedifferently.Hedoesn’tseehowthemediawantsto

portrayme,heseestherealme.”

“AndWilliam?”sheprompted.“HowdoyouthinkWilliamseesyou?”

Iblinked,reallythinkingaboutit.Iwasn’tsureanymore.“I’mreallystartingtothinkheseesme

differentfromwhatI’vealwaysthoughthedid.He’salwaystreatedmesowell.IthoughtIwasthelove

ofhislife,andnow…”

“Nowwhat?”sheprompted.

IfelttearsescapemyeyesbeforeIcouldsayanythinginreturn.Thewholething—thisfuckedup

situationI’vegottenmyselfinto—wasbecomingtoomuch.

“NowI’munsure…”Isaid,shakingmyheadatmyself.“Ifeellikeheneedsmemorethanwantsme.

Ihadnoexpectationsatfirst.Ihadnodatingexperiencebeforehimtoreallyknowthedifference.And

now…nowI’vestartedto.”

Shesatupandcrossedherlegs,stillgrippingherwineglassinonehand.“What’syourhearttelling

you,Mac?Youultimatelyneedtodowhatyoufeelisright.HaveyoueventoldAlexyouhadthedream?”

Ishookmyhead.Ihadn’tevenseenhimthatmorning,whichwasintentional.Iwasn’treadytoface

himyet.

“Well,Ithinkmaybeyoujustneedsometime…don’tmakethisdecisionquicklyandmakesure

you’reonehundredpercentpositivebeforeyoudoanythingaboutit.”Ilookedbackupatherandshe

flashedaweaksmile.“Iloveyou,Mac.Ionlywantyoutobehappy.Andwhateveryoudecide,I’llback

youupalltheway.”

Isatupandwalkedovertoher,wrappingmyarmsaroundherneck.“Thankyou.Idon’tknowwhat

I’ddowithoutyou.”Shewelcomedthegestureandhuggedmeback,rubbingahanddownmyback,

soothingalltheanxietythatwassurfacing.

“Well,forstarters…”shebeganasIsatbackdown,“you’llneverhavetoknow.Butyou’dprobably

stillbesittinginhishotelsuite,tooafraidtowalkoutalone.”Ilaughedforthefirsttimethatday,relief

finallywashingoverme.

Wesatandtalkedforawhilelonger,changingthesubjecttoTVshowsandgossip.Wefinishedour

bottleofwine,andbeforeIpassedout,Igrabbedacabandwentbackhome.

IneededtoseeAlexbeforeImademyfinaldecision.

IWALKEDINTOadarkandquietapartmentjustafterninep.m.IknewWilliamwasprobablyasleep

already.IhadcalledhimononeofmybreaksandtoldhimI’dbestoppingatStaci’safterworkandthat

heshouldn’twaitupforme.Clearly,hehadnointentionstoanyway.

Iwalkedintothekitchentograbaquicksnack.Ihadn’teatensincebeforewefinishedthewine,and

Ineededsomethingtosoakupthealcohol.

JustasIfinishedmakingaturkeysandwich,Iheardfootstepsinthehallwayleadingintothekitchen.

IgrabbedabottleofwaterfromthefridgeandturnedaroundtoAlexstandingrightinfrontofme.

Iswallowed.“Hi.”

Hisbrowsdrewtogether.“Hi.Whatareyoudoing?”

Iblinked,loweringmyeyestothebottleofwaterinonehandandmysandwichsittingonthecounter

nexttohim.“Gettingsomethingtoeat.Whatareyoudoing?”

“Iheardyoucomein…justwantedtomakesureyouwereokay.”

“I’mfine,”Ishotbackunconvincingly.

Isteppedaroundhim,grabbedmysandwich,andsatdownatthebreakfastbar.Ifelthiseyesonme

theentiretime,butIremindedmyselfIcouldn’tactanydifferent.Notyet.Asfarasheknew,weagreedto

be‘friends’andsincethen,nothing’schanged.Atleast,untilIfiguredthiswholemessout.

“Iwasgoingtomakesomehotchocolate.Wantsome?”

Ifinishedchewingandswallowed.“Yes,please.Thanks.”Ismiledupathim,buthekepthisback

turnedawayfromme.

WebothstayedsilentasIfinishedeatingandhewaitedforthewaterinthekettletoboil.Iwatched

ashepouredthehotcocoaintotwomugsandstirredthemuntiltheywerethoroughlymixed.

“Marshmallows?”Helookedatmeoverhisshoulderandasked.

“Ofcourse.”

Hesmirkedjustbeforeturningbackandgrabbingthebagofmini-marshmallowsfromthecupboard.

“Alex,canIaskyousomething?”

Hegrabbedbothmugsandwalkedovertome,settingmineinfrontofme.“Sure.”

Heturnedandfacedme,makingourbodiestouch,whichatthemoment,wasmakingitextremely

hardtofocus.Iswallowedandaskedanyway.“Wheredoyougowhenyoudon’tgetinuntilthreea.m.?”

Heblinkedandlookedaway,turninghisbodyawayfromme.IknewIhitanerve,butI’dbeentoo

curioustonotasknowthatwewereon‘friends-only’terms.

“Whydoyouwanttoknow?”

Ishrugged,circlingmyfingersagainsttherimofthemug.“Iwasjustcurious…Idon’tknowthat

muchaboutyou,Iguess.”

Iheardhimfidgetinhisseatnexttomeashetookasipofhisdrink.“Irun.”

Myheadturnedtowardhim,shockandconfusedwrittenallovermyface.“Yourun?Allnight?”

Heshrugged.“Yeah.Irunthroughthepark,alloverthecity,sometimesIjustrunwithouta

destinationinmind.”

“Youruninasuitandtie?”Iquestioned.Henarrowedhisbrowsinconfusion,soIcontinued.“The

othernight…attheevent.Youhadasuitonbuthadn’tcomehomeuntillate.”

“IhavealockeratthegymIworkoutat.Ikeepextraclothesthere.”

“Oh…”Itookanotherdrink.

Helookedoveratmeandsmirked.“Whatwereyouexpecting?”

Iraisedmybrowsathimandsaid,“Honestly?Ifiguredyouwereoutgettingtrashedandbangingthe

firstgirlyoumet.”Ishruggedunapologetically.“Orwhateversingle,hot,youngmendo.”Iblushed,

laughingathownervousIsounded.

“Wow…”Helaughed,shakinghisheadatme.“Iseehowhighlyyouthinkofme.”

“Shutup.”Ilaughedagain.“Youdidcomebackonetimesmellingofwhiskey.Soshootmefor

thinkingtheobvious.”ItwasthemorninghecameinwhileIwasshowering…hehaddefinitelybeen

drinkingthatnight.

Hescowled,tryingtohidethegrinonhisface.“Yeah,well,thatwasonetime.Ihadn’treallybeen

intherunningmood,soIwenttoadivebaranddrankuntilclosing.”

Ifeltmyheartbegintoraceatthethoughtofhimdrinkingaloneinacrappybar.Iknewitwas

becauseofme,thewayhemust’vefeltwhenheheardWilliamandmetogether.Thethoughtsickenedme.

“Well,I’mgladyouhaveahealthyoutletatleast.WhenIwasakid,I’dsearchforoldmagazines

thathadbeenthrownoutandI’dkeepthemformonthsatatime.Ineverknewwhenthenexttimewould

bethatI’dgettoreadanotherone,soIreaditcovertocover,overandover.Mymomwouldalwaysget

sopissedbecauseIwasmoreconcernedwithreadingthefashionarticlesthanstealingfoodorwhatever

elseweneeded.Losingmyselfinthosemagazinesweremyonlyoutletandsometimes,myonlyhopeat

whatIdreamedformyfuture.”Iturnedandlookedathim,allemotionpouringoutofhiseyesandtight

mouth.“Mymomdidn’tlikeustalkingaboutthefuture,”Iexplained.“Ithinksheblamedmealotofthe

timeforourhardship.”

“Whywouldsheblameyou?Youwereachild.”

Ishrugged,notreallysuremyself,butIjustknew.“Shewasn’texactlymentallystable,Alex.She

wasselfish,hadgooddaysandbaddays,andevenonhergooddays,Iwould’vebeenbetteroffleftalone

inanalley.”

Heshookhisheadandtightenedhisgriponhismug.Withoutthinking,Ileanedintohimandplaced

myhandoverhis.“There’sreallynoreasontogetupsetaboutitnow.It’smypast,notmyfuture.Andwho

knowswhereIwould’veendedupwithoutit.”Ishrugged,hishandfinallysofteningunderneathmine.

“Thankyou,”Isaidsoftly,takinghimoffguard.Hiseyesmetmine,questioningmywords.“Thankyoufor

beingsomeoneIcantalktoaboutthis.Thankyoufornotjudgingmesolelybymypastandsomehow…

beingabletounderstand,evenifwedidgrowupincompletelydifferentworlds.”

Hisfacesoftenedasheflashedasmallsmile.“Itmight’vebeentwodifferentworlds,butwestill

spokethesamelanguage.”

AmomenthadpassedbetweenusbeforeIrealizedmyhandwasstillcoveringhis.Islowlyremoved

itandstoodup,takingmyemptymugwithme.Irinseditoutandplaceditonthecounter,stayingsilentas

hewatchedme.Istoodtherewithmyhandsoneachsideofthesinkandclosedmyeyes.Myheartand

headweren’tfightinganymore.Myheadknewwhatmyheartfeltallalong,andnowIwasfightingmy

moralityonwhatthehellIwasgoingtodoaboutit.

Ifelthimbehindme,notquitetouching,butcloseenoughtoinhalehisscent.Hisbodytoweredover

mineasheleanedoverandputhishandsoneachsideofthesinknexttomine.Ifelthimpresshischestup

againstmyback,moldingourbodiestogetheraswestoodthere,silently.Bothofusknewitwasbeyond

theboundariesoffriendship,butneitherofusmadethemovetopushaway.Ifelthisfaceatthenapeof

myneck,hisnosegrazingtheskinjustbelowmyear.Heinhaled,brushinghislipsagainstthefleshofmy

neckjustasheexhaled.

Mybodyshiveredinresponse,relaxingdeeperintohim.Westayedlikethat,moldedtogether—

silentandcontent.

IkeptmyeyessealedshutasIallowedmyselfthismomentwithhim.Justthisonetime.

Alexwasthefirsttomove,leavingmestandingaloneandbreathless.Ifelthislipsbrushagainstme

oncemorebeforehefinallytookthestepbackandleftwithoutaword.Buthedidn’thavetosayanything

toletmeknowwhathewasthinking—feeling.

ChapterNineteen

IhadcompletelyforgottenWilliamwasflyingoutthatmorning.Hehadathree-daybusinesstrip,which

wasperfecttiming.Ineededthespace.Icouldn’tthinkwithWilliamandAlexbothhome,andespecially

Williambecausehedidn’tevenrealizeIwasstillupsetabouttheevent.Butonethingwascertain—we

weredefinitelytalkingwhenhereturnedhome.

Isatupinbed,watchingashefinishedpackinghisfinalthings.Heleanedoverandkissedmycheek.

“Ican’twaituntilyoucancomewithme,darling.Soon.”Hekissedmycheekoncemorebeforehiswords

reallysunkin.

“Whatdoyoumean?WhywouldIcomewithyou?”

“Whenwe’remarried,Mackenzie.Youwon’tbeworking,whichmeanswecangotogether.

Especiallyontheselongertrips.It’llbenice,don’tyouthink?”

Hesteppedbackandgrabbedhisbagsoffthebed.“Wait…whatdoyoumeanwhenIwon’tbe

working?ItoldyouIwasn’tquittingmyjobafterwegotmarried.”

“Youdon’tneedtowork,darling.I’vetoldyouthat.”

Iclearedmythroat,thinkingperhapssomekindofGerman-Spanish-Japaneselanguagewaspouring

outofmymouththathedidn’tunderstandcorrectly.“William,I’mnotquittingmyjob.Notnow.Notwhen

wegetmarried.Notwhenwehavechildren.Notever.”Althoughthethoughtofhavingchildrenwith

Williamsentanervousshiverdownmyspine.“Wetalkedaboutthisafterwegotengaged.Don’tyou

remember?”

“Yes,ofcourse.Anddon’tyourememberIsaidwe’dtalkaboutthatwhenthetimecame?”He

checkedhiswatchasifthisconversationwasawasteofhisprecioustime.“Let’stalkaboutthiswhenI

return,okay?Ihavetocatchmyflight.”

Therewasnothingtotalkaboutbecausenomatterwhathesaid,Iwasputtingmyfootdown.Even

thoughmyjobwasstressful,demanding,andIstillhadhoopstojumpthroughtogetwhereIwantedtobe,

Ilovedit.Icravedthefast-paced,high-energyworldI’veworkedmyassofftogetinto.Thatwasn’t

goingtochangejustbecausemymaritalstatuschanged.

IlaybackinbedonceWilliamleft.ThemoreIthoughtaboutit,themoremybloodboiled.Wehad

thisconversationatleasthalfadozentimesbefore.Eachtime,hewalkedaway,sayingwe’d‘discuss’it

laterand,ofcourse,alwaysonhisterms.

Wasitalwayslikethis?HaveIbeenthatdamnblindthiswholetime?

Ifinallygotupandhoppedintheshower.ThoughtsofhimandAlexracingthroughmymind.CouldI

marryWilliamandbehappy?WouldIalwaysbehappy?WouldIadjusttothelifestylethatI’dbe

marryinginto?

Iusedtothinkso.

Now,Iwasn’tsure.Iwasn’tecstaticaboutthelackofprivacy,themediaalwaysdiggingtheirnoses

inourbusiness,thehigh-pressurelifestylethatWilliamdidn’tevenblinkaneyelashatanymore.He

workedmorethanhewashomeandifweeverhadchildren,wouldheevenbearoundtoraisethem?

Somanyquestions.Somuchconfusion.MymindwasreelingwitheverythingtothepointIcouldn’t

evenrememberifIputshampooinmyhair.IneededtopushallmythoughtsbackandfocussoIcouldget

dressedandreadyforwork.IhavethreedaystomyselfandIneededtothinkeverythingthrough…Iknew

IneededtomakeachoicebeforeImadethewrongdecision.

“CHELSEA?”ICALLEDfrommydesk.Iwasfranticallyshufflingthroughthescatteredpapersonmy

desk.Shestuckherheadinmyofficeandraisedherbrowsatme.“Ican’tfindtheSagePriceinterview

transcripts!Haveyouseenthem?”

“Ialreadytypedthemupandsentthemtoeditorial.”

“Youdid?”Istoppedsearching.“When?”

Shenarrowedherbrowsandcontinued,“Thismorning…afteryouaskedmeto.”

Iwasofficiallygoingcrazy.“Oh,shit.That’sright.”Iexhaledinrelief.

“Youokay?”Shesteppedinandlookedmeover.“You’vebeenalittleoff.”

“Iknow…”Ishookmyhead,needingtoclearmymindsoIcouldactuallyfocus.“Yes,I’llbefine.

Thanks.”Ismiledupatherasshegavemeasympatheticsmile.Sheconcludedwithramblingoffsome

moreassignmentsshe’sworkingonandremindedmeofmyafternoonappointment.Ithankedherand

cleanedupmydesk.

WhenIfinallygotaroundtocheckingmyphone,IsawtextmessagesfromStaciandBrittainy.They

werebothfreakingoutaboutflowersandsomethingwiththecatering.Brittainywasgettingmarriedinten

daysandsincehermaidofhonorwasfromoutoftown,Staciwassteppingintohelpwhenevershecould.

Whichactuallymeant,shewasflippingoutjustasmuchandthentextingmeforhelpontheside.

DrinksatTrinity.6p.m.,Itextedbothofthem.Icouldn’tdealwiththemovermessages,andIcould

useafewdrinksbeforegettingthenervetofaceAlexagain.

Iwasn’texactlysurewhatIwasgoingtodoyet.TellingWilliamwouldn’tbeeasy,andthere’snot

reallyagreattimetotellyourfiancéyou’vebeenquestioningyourentirerelationshipasofrecent.

Williamwasagoodguyandhemeantwell,butwhatIknewbackwhenImethimandwhatIknewnow

werecompletelydifferent.

ImanagedtogetoutofworkontimedespitehowIkeptmessingthingsup.Thankfully,Chelsea

pickedupmyslackandevensatwithmeduringmyafternoonmeetingandtooknotes.

“IpromiseI’llhavemyshittogethertomorrow.”Itookaseatbehindmydeskandcoveredmyface

withbothhands.Ineededtofiguresomethingoutbeforemybossfindsoutandfiresme.

“Doyouwanttotalk?Iknowwearen’tcloseonthatlevel,butifyoueverneedanear…”she

startedandIlookedupatthehopefulfaceinfrontofme.Shewassweet,onlyacoupleyearsyoungerthan

Iwas.“I’mhereifyouneedit,”shefinished,andInoddedathankyouback.Iwasn’treadytotalkabout

thistoanyonebesidesStaciandeventhen,Iwasn’tevenreallymakingsense.

Hell,nothingwasmakingsensetomeanymore.

“TOGIRL’SNIGHTout!”Stacishoutedoverthemusic.

“Tooneofmylastnightsoutasasinglewoman!”Brittainyadded,clinkingourglassestogether.I

smiledaswealltookourshots,squirminginourseatsasthealcoholburneddownourthroats.

“Ican’tbelieveyou’regettingmarriedsoon!”Isaid,poutingmylowerlipout.Brittainywasagreat

friendandshedeservedallthehappinesscomingherway,butIwasgoingtomissourroutinegirlnights

out.Aftertheirhoneymoon,theyweremovingoutofthecityandintoamore‘familyfriendly

neighborhood,’whichmeantournightsoutwouldbelimited.

“Iknow!”shesmiledwide.“Ifeellikenothingisready.”

Stacigrabbedherhandandsqueezedit.“It’llbeperfect,Britt!Everythingisgoingtobefine.The

flowerswerere-ordered…”

“AndI’llcallHenrifirstthinginthemorning.I’msurehecanfillthespot.”

“Yes,we’llfigurethisout!”Stacipromised.Brittainyslowlyexhaledinrelief.Oneofhercaterers

hadafamilyemergencyandflewoutofstate.Hewasn’tsurewhenhewouldbereturning,sotheywere

goingtobeshortstaffed.ButIknewHenriwouldhelpmeoutinaheartbeat.I’vehiredhimforseveralof

myothereventsinthepastyear.

“Idon’tknowwhatI’ddowithoutyouladies!”Brittainywasalmostintears,thestressevidenton

herfaceaseverythingwasbecomingoverwhelming.

ItriedtopicturemyselfinhershoesayearfromnowwhenWilliamandIweresupposedtobe

exchangingourvows.ThethoughtusedtoexcitemeandnowIwasfeelingterrified—terrifiedIwas

makingahorribledecisionandfeelingI’dregretitthesecondwewalkeddowntheaisle.Andthatthought

alonemademesick.

“So,Mac,how’stheweddingplanninggoingforyou?”Brittainyasked,interruptingmythoughts.I

hadn’ttoldheranythingaboutAlexorWilliam.Iwasn’tsurewhattherewastosayconsideringmyown

headwasatrainwreck.

“It’sgoingsmoothlysofar,”Isaid,pullingthestrawfrommyvodkacranberryintomymouth.Staci

hadorderedanotherroundofdrinksandIwasmorethanwillingtoaccept.“Imeetwiththewedding

coordinatoraboutonceamonth.”

“Ah,you’resoluckyyouhaveaplanner!Jasonwouldn’tletme,soI’vehadtodealwithhisbossy,

demandingmotherforthepastninemonths.”Shescowled,makingmeburstoutinlaughter.Itwasn’t

necessarilyafunnysituation,butherexpression,whenshetalkedaboutherfuturemother-in-law,was

neverapleasantone.

“Honestly,”Ibegan.“Iwould’vebeencontentwithsomethingsmallandintimate.Thewholebig,

whiteweddingwasWilliam’sidea.”

“Afterplanningawholebigordeal,Ican’tsayIblameyou!I’mnevergettingmarriedagain!This

marriagewillhavetoworkorI’melopingnexttime,”shesaidwithagiggle.Shewassuckingdownthe

drinksfasterthanIwas.

Welaughedandgossipedtherestofthenight.Itwasgreatcatchingupwiththemandclearingmy

head.Alexwasstillonmymind,butthealcoholflowingthroughmybloodwasmakingmenotcare.And

rightnow,Ididn’twanttocareaboutanything.

ASISTUMBLEDinjustaftermidnight,Iwasseriouslyregrettingthatlastroundofshots.Stacihad

insisted,andIgavemyselfamentalnotetokickherassnexttimeIseeher.

Theapartmentwasdarkexceptforahallwaylight.ItiptoedasquietlyasIcouldsoIwouldn’twake

Alex,butassoonasIroundedthecornertowardthelivingroom,Ibumpedstraightintothesidetableand

knockedthelampover.

“Shit!”Iwhisperedtomyself.Igrabbedthelampandsetitbackonthetable,butthenthetablefell

againandIcouldn’tseestraightsoIsaidfuckit.

Itossedthelampontheemptycouchandcontinuedmywaytowardthebedroom.Iflickedthelight

onandkickedmyshoesoff.Ineededtogetinbedandsleepitoff.NottomentionIhadtobeupinsix

hoursforwork.

“Whatthefuck?”IheardAlexgrowlfrombehindme.Oh,shit.

“Sorry,”Isaid,cringingasItriedtoholdmyselfup.“Ididn’tmeantowakeyou.”

“Iwasn’tasleep.”Hesoundedpissedbutdidn’tcontinue.

“Oh…okay.Well,I’mfine.”Iunbuttonedmyskirtandshimmieditdown,takingastepandtossingit

off.Iwalkedtowardthebathroom,needingtobrushthetasteofalcoholoutofmymouth.“Ijustneedto

gettobed.Forsleep.Ineedsleep,”Irambled,pullingatmytopandyankingitovermyhead.Ithrewiton

thefloorandwalkedtothesink,grabbingmytoothbrushintheprocess.

“Areyoufuckingwasted?”Hefollowedmeinandstupidly,Iglancedandlookedathim.Heleaned

upagainstthedoorframe,crossinghisarmsandscowlingatme.

“Imayhavehadabittoomuch.”Ishrugged,attemptingtoputthetoothpasteonmybrush,butthe

damntubewasnotcooperating.“Itwasgirl’snightout,”Iexplained.

“Howthehelldidyouevengethome?”hequestionedinaharshtone,steppingtowardme.He

grabbedthetubeandmybrush,puttingthepasteonforme.Herinseditunderthewaterbeforehandingit

backtome.

“Itookacab,”Isaidjustbeforeputtingthebrushinmymouth.Ilookedathimthroughthemirror,

himglaringatme,obviouslynothappywithmydecisiontodrinktonight.Hell,Iwasnothappywithit

eitherrightnow.Iwasdefinitelygoingtopayforitlater,butIneededtotaketheedgeoff.Ineededtofeel

numb.

“You’reanidiot,”hespatout,stillburninghiseyesintomine.“Somethingcould’vehappenedto

you.”

Irinsedthebrushandspitbeforeplacingitbackonthecounter.Igrabbedatowelandwipedmy

mouth,allwhilehiseyesfollowedme.IfinallylookedatmyselfinthemirrorandrealizedIhadstripped

downtojustmypantiesandbra.

Shit.

Iwatchedhimagainandrealizedhehadn’ttakenhiseyesoffmine,meaninghewastryingreally

hardnottolookdown.TheAlexIknewwould’veusedanyexcusetoembarrassmebylooking.Buthis

mouthremainedinafirmlineandhisfacewasexpressionless.

“Okay,fine,”Ifinallyagreed,walkingpasthimandbackintomyroom.“Ishouldn’thavedrankthat

much,Iknow.ButI’mhomesafeandeverythingisfine.Canyoustopscoldingmenow?Geez.”

HefollowedmeoutandgrabbedmyelbowbeforeIcouldreachthebed,spinningmearoundand

pressingmeupagainsthischest.“No,it’snotallright,Mac.Iwasworriedsick.Williammightnotcare

thatyou’reoutuntilmidnightgettingpissed,butIdo.Ifuckingcare,Mac.”

Hisfaceturnedsoftjustbeforegoingbacktohisnormal-Alex-pissed-offface.Ididn’tknowhowto

respond.Iwasn’tthinkingstraight,thatwasobvious,butIcouldn’ttalktoAlex.Notrightnow.

“Okay.I’msorry,Alex.Itwasirresponsible,especiallysinceyouwereprobablyexpectingmehome

muchearlier.I’mtrulysorry.”

Ididn’tmakeanyattemptstobackawayashecagedmeinhisarms.Theywerewarmandhard,and

Ilovedthefeelingofthem.Hislipsfinallycurledintoaknowinggrinashiseyesscanneddownmybare

body.“Youalwaysstripdownwhenyou’redrunk,oramIjustlucky?”Hewinked.

Ishrugged,playingalong.“Righttime,rightplace.”

Alaughescapeddeepfromwithinhisthroatashethrewhisheadbackinamusement.“Jesus,you’re

feistywhenyoudrink.Comeon.”Heguidedmetowardthebedandpulledthecoversback.“Getin.”I

gladlydid,lettinghimpullthecoversovermeandtuckmein.

“Thanks,Alex,”Imumbled.“You’resweetwhenyouwanttobe.”

Iheardanamusedchuckleandlookedoverathim.Hewasshakinghisheadatme,fightingasmile.

“Justwhateveryguywantstohear.”

“YouknowwhatImean.”Ilaughed,adjustingmyselfbeneaththecovers,myeyesheavy.“You’reall

wildsexgodinbed,butonthesurface,you’reagenuinely,goodguy.”Irestedmyhandsundermyhead

andstartedtodozeoff.

“Wildsexgod?IsthatwhatGoogle’ssayingaboutmethesedays?”Iheardtheamusementinhis

tone.

Ilaughedintothepillow,shakingmyhead.“Nope…that’sfrompureexperience.”

Hestillednexttome,theexchangeofinhalingandexhalingtheonlynoiseIcouldfocuson.My

eyelidsweretooheavytoseewhathewasdoing.Ifelthimbrushahandovermyforeheadbeforeplacing

aquickkiss.

“Goodnight,Mac,”Iheardhimsayasthebeddippedandhestoodup.Itriedtomumbleagoodnight

back,butsleeptookoverandIwashelplesstorespond.

ChapterTwenty

Iwokeuptomyalarmscreamingatme,flashingthathorrific5:45time.Oh,god…Why,oh,whydidIlet

Stacitalkmeintothosedamnshots?Iquicklyhitsnoozeandrolledbackover.Irememberedalltheshit

myheadwasgoingthroughthedaybefore,rememberingexactlywhyIdecidedtodrinklastnightinthe

firstplace.

Iwantedeverythingtobenumb,toforgetthatmyheadandheartwereamess.Thethoughtofhurting

Williamacheddeepinmychest.ItwasthelastthingIwantedtodo,butIknewIcouldneverbe

everythinghewantedmetobe.AlexbeinginthepicturehadshownmethatandnowIwasstartingto

thinkitwasobviousthewholetime—Ijustdidn’twanttoseeit.

Islidoutofbedandstumbledtowardthebathroom.Everythingwasblurry,butonceIwashedmy

face,brushedmyteeth,andfreshenedup,Ifeltmuchbetter.Ineededtoshower,butmystomachwas

growling—foodandcoffeefirst,Idecided.

MystepshadhaltedbeforeImadeitacrosstheroom.Alexwassittinginthecorner,staringintently

atme.Hewassilent,hisjawtight,andhiseyesintense.Hadhebeensittingthereallnight?

Iblinked,rubbingmyeyestomakesureIwasactuallyseeinghim.Afterlastnight’sdrinkingbinge,

itwouldn’tbethatfar-fetchedtothinkIhadimaginedit.ButIwasn’t.Therehewas,watchingmeasI

stoodfrozenstaringathim.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Ifinallyworkedupthecouragetoask.Iwasstillinmybraandpanties,but

hiseyesstayedgluedtomine.

Hefinallystoodupandwalkedtowardme,mybodyheatingwitheachstepcloser.Hebroughta

handtomyface,gentlycaressingmycheek.Hekepthiseyesgluedtominebeforeheleanedinandrested

hisforeheadagainstmine.Mychestmoldedtohim,ourbodiespressedintoeachother.

Iplacedahandoverhis,keepinghimagainstme.Iwasafraidhe’dleaveagainandthistimeI

wasn’tsureIwantedhimto.

“Mackenzie…”hewhispered,sendingaharshshiverdownmybodyashisbreathvibratedovermy

skin,“youremember…”hesaidsimply,myheartbeatpoundingharderinmychest.“Pleasetellmeyou

remember.”Hiswordsweresoftbutsopowerful.Theywerefilledwithhopeandagony,andIcouldno

longerholditin.

Inoddedbeforeresponding,“Yes…”Iexhaledandcontinued,“Iremember,Alex.”

“Howmuch?”heasked,leaningbacktolookatme.

Asmallsmileescapedmylips,knowingIwasfinallyabletotellhimwhathehaswantedtohearfor

weeks.Iswallowedandsaid,“Everything.Iremembereverything.”

Heclenchedhiseyesclosed,exhaling,andgrippingmyhipwithhisotherhand.Hepulledmein,our

bodiesfirmagainsteachother.Ifelthisracingheartbeatagainstmybody;itmatchedtherhythmofmy

own.Hewasjustasnervous,scared,andanxiousasIwas.Andforthefirsttimesincefindingoutwhohe

was,Ididn’twanttopushhimaway.Ididn’twanttolietomyselfanymore.Myfeelingsforhimwere

strong—toostrongtofightanylonger.

“Kissme,”Iwhispered,hiseyesopeningassoonasheheardmywords.

Hiseyesburnedintomine,hissilenceunnerving.Icouldseethestruggleinhisface,thequestions

runningthroughhisheadashetookastepback.Andthen,justasquickly,hesteppedtowardme,catching

meoffguardbycoveringhismouthovermine.Heplacedhishandsonmycheeks,pullingmeintohimas

myhandsclungtohisarms.

Hislipstastedlikeheaven.Softandgreedy.Imoanedinhismouth,histonguemovingwithmineas

hedeepenedthekiss.Heleaneddownandwrappedhisarmsaroundmywaist,pullingmybodyupand

wrappingmylegsaroundhiships.Myarmswentaroundhisneckasheclungtome,ourmouthsnever

separating.

Hespunusaroundandbeganwalkingwithmybodypressedfirmlyagainsthim.“Whatareyou

doing?”Ibrokeawayjustlongenoughtoask.

Hecapturedmymouthagain,continuingtowalkoutofmyroomanddownthehall.“Takingyouto

mybed…whereyoubelong.”Ididn’tprotest,ratherIgroundmyhipsagainsthis,feelingjusthowaroused

andreadyhewas.“Jesus…”hegrowledasIcircledmyhips,pressingtheinsideofmythighagainsthis

cock.

Icouldn’tgetenoughofhismouth,hislips,histongue.Iwascompletelyunderhisspell,captivated

byhowbadIwantedthis.Everymovement,lick,kisswaspullingmedeeperintohim.Bythetimewe

madeitintohisroom,Iwasmesmerized.Mybodywasonfireashefistedmyhair,pullingmyheadback.

Iinhaleddeeply,needingtocatchmybreath,butassoonasIdid,hismouthfoundmyexposedthroat.His

lipsbrushedagainstthesoftpartofmyneck,justbelowmyear.Ifelthisbreathvibrateagainstmyflesh,

makingmybodytrembleatthethrillofhishandsandmouthonmeagain.

“God…I’vemissedthetasteofyou,Mac.Sofuckingdelicious…”hegrowled,pressingmyback

intothewall.Iadjustedmyneck,givinghimfullaccesstoanypartofmehewanted.Hekissedupand

downmyneck,trailingdowntomycollarboneandovermyshoulder.Iclungtohimlikeair,needing

everythinghewasgivingme.

“Alex…”

“Yes,sweetheart?Whatdoyouneed?”

“Naked…”Ibreathedout.“Ineedyounaked.”Ifelthisbreathvibrateagainstmylips,chucklingin

amusement.

“Notyet,baby.Ihaveplansforyou.”

Imoanedinfrustration.“No…fuckme,Alex.Fuckmenow.Then,fuckmelater.Iwantitall.”

Hekissedmedeeply,pressingourhipsintoeachother,lettingmefeelhowhardhewas.Hepushed

usoffthewallandwalkedtowardthebed,layingmegentlydownonthemattress.Hepulledhisshirt

overhisheadandbeganunbuttoninghisjeans,pushingthemdown.Hekneltdowninbetweenmylegs,

spreadingthemwider.

“Pleasetellmeyou’resober,”hesaidinlightamusement.“BecauseIcan’tbearthethoughtofyou

notremembering…”

“Iremember,Alex…”Isaid,genuinely.“Itjusttookmeawhiletocometotermswithit.”

Iwasn’tthinkingofanythingotherthanhim—ofus.Myheartwasbeatingforhim,andIwasdone

fightingit.Ineededhimasmuchasheneededme.

“Thankgod,”hegrowled,crawlingupmybodyinhisboxershortsandrubbinghishandsonmy

arms.Hepulledthemovermyhead,securingtheminoneofhisfists.“It’smorethanthesexwithyou,

Mac.Itwasalwaysmorethanthesex,”hewhispered,cradlingmyfacewithhisotherhand.

Myeyeswerelockedonhis,asmallsmileformingonmylipsasIkissedhim.“Iknow.Icanfeel

it.”

Hecoveredmymouthagain,thistimedeeperandwithsomuchmoremeaning.Hebroughtbothof

hishandsdown,wrappingmeinhisarmsandflippingussoIwasontop.Ibentdownandkissedhim,his

handscurlingaroundmybackandunbuttoningmybra.Isatupandletitslideoff,throwingitonthefloor.

“JesusChrist…”Hepulledmebackdowntohim,onepalmcoveringmybreastandtheotherhand

wrappedfirmlyaroundmyneck.“Youaresobeautiful,Mac.Everypartofyou.”Imoanedashepressed

hishipsintomine,rubbingthehardnessofhiscockagainstme.“Everyfuckingpart,sweetheart.Even

yourfeistyparts.”Ifelthimsmileagainstmymouth,butIwasdonewithtalking.Ineededhiminsideof

me.

Ipulledawayandshimmedoffhishipsanddownhislegs.Iloopedmyfingersinhisshortsand

pulledthemdownandoff,flingingthemintheairbehindme.“Youwon’tneedthese.”

“You’resexywhenyoutakecharge.”Hegrinned,puttingbothhandsbehindhishead.Iwatchedas

hestaredatmylacepanties.Helookeddownandnodded,motioningformetotakethemoff.

However,Ihaddifferentplans.Igrabbedhiscockinmyhandsandsqueezedlightly,strokinghimup

anddown.Awhimperedcryescapedhisthroat,hisheadtiltingbackasmyhandscoveredhim.Ibent

downandlickeduphisshaft,circlingmylipsaroundthetipandpullinghimallthewayintomymouth.

“Fuck…”Hishandsfistedmyhairashishipsjerkedinresponse,fillingmedeeper.Ilovedthetaste

ofhim,sofresh,soAlex.Imovedmymouthupanddown,licking,sucking.Iwantedhim,allofit.I

couldn’tgetenough.

Igrippedhiminonehand,rotatingupanddownasIcontinuedcirclingmymouthandtonguearound

him.Icouldfeelhishipstenseashiscockhardenedinmymouth.Hewasclose.

BeforeIcouldcontinue,hishandsgrippedmyarmsandpulledmeup.“Notinyourmouth,baby.”He

loopedhisfingersinmypantiesandpulledthemtotheside,exposingmywetandreadypussy.Heslida

fingerdownmyslit,feelingjusthowreadyIwas.“Ilovehowgreedyyourpussyisforme,sweetheart.”

Bothofmyhandswereflatoneachsideofhim,holdingmeupwhilehepushedtwofingersinside.

Myhipsbuckedinresponse,lovinghowdeepandfasthisfingersworked.Iclosedmyeyesandmoaned,

givingintoeverythinghisbodygaveme.Icouldn’tfightitanylonger,couldn’tdenyhowmybodycraved

hisjustasmuchashecravedme.

“Ihopeyoudon’thaveanypersonalattachmentstothese,”hesaidjustashepulledoneachsideof

mypanties,tearingtheminhalfandrippingthemoff.

“Well,Idefinitelydon’tanymore.”Ismileddownathimashishandsgrippedmyhipsandpulledme

downtohim.Ittookamomentformybodytoadjusttohissize,butitwasthebestpainfulsatisfaction

I’veeverexperienced,andIaccepteditwillingly.“Ohmygod…”Ibreathedout,mywallsstretchedand

fullytakinghimin.Hefilledmesodeep,Iwasalmostafraidtomove.

“Fuck,”hehissed,hiseyesclosingoncontact.“Christ,Mac…”Imovedmyhips,hisbodyjoiningin

therhythmasweformedapace.Hishandsmovedtomyass,squeezing,scratching,spanking.Myhips

groundfastagainsthim,harder.IcouldnolongercontrolthemoaningorpantingasIscreamedformore.

“Alex…yes…ohmygod…”Ipanted,theexplosivesensationalmostunbearable.Iwantedmore.I

beggedhimnottostop.

“Baby,Ineverwannastop…fuck,thisistoogood.Youfeelsodamnamazing,”hereassured,moving

hishandstomyheadandpullingmedownsoourlipscollided.Icouldfeeltheintensitybuildingup

insideme,thepleasureabouttoeruptasourbodiescontinueditsfastanddeeppace.Screamsandpants

escapedmythroatasIrodeoutmyorgasm,hisbodycontinuingtofillmeasIshookintensively.

Iwasabouttocollapseontopofhimbeforehegrippedmyhipsandflippedusover,keepingour

bodieslockedtogether.Hespreadmylegswiderashelayontopofme,pushingdeeperinside.

“Ohmygod…”Imoanedinsurprise,myheadfallingbackontothemattress.

“Youdidn’tthinkIwasdonewithyouyet,didyou?”hemockedinsheeramusement.

“Fromthewaymybodyfeltthenextmorning,Ishould’veknown,”Iteased,earningasmirkright

backatme.Iknewthatlook—hisinfamousshit-eatinggrin.Hewasjustwarmingup.

Hegrippedthebackofmythighs,bringingmyhipsoffthebedandclosertohim.Ineededtoholdon

tosomething,anything,butIcouldbarelycontrolmybreathingtograbontohim.

“Fistthesheets,baby,”heordered,slowinghispace.“Grab‘em.Don’tletgo.”

Ididashesaid.Hesqueezedmythighstogether,mylegsstickingstraightupintheairbyhisface.

Hepushedthemtowardmychestjustashepusheddeeperinsideme.Hewassodeep,Icouldbarely

breathe,butIwelcomedthemostdelicious,agonizingpleasureI’veeverfelt.Igrippedthesheetssohard,

Icouldfeelmyknucklesturningwhite,butIdidn’tcare.Hefeltincredible,andIneverwantedhimto

stop.

“Alex…yes…”Imoaned,feelingtheintensitybuildupagain.Iwassoclose,mybodyachingfor

relief.

Ashethrusthishipsintomedeeper—faster,harder—hesetmeovertheedge.Isqueezedmyhands

inthesheetsasIscreamedouthisname,pantingandmoaning.

“God…holy…”Icouldn’tformasentence,norcouldIeventhinkofoneanyway.Mybodyfelt

painfullynumb,butinthebestwaypossible.

Hereleasedmylegs,lettingthemfalloneachsideofhim.Heleanedoverandcapturedmymouth,

takingalltheairIhadmanagedtoinhale.“You’realittleoutofshape,”heteased,bitingdownonmy

lowerlip.

Ishotoutashortlaughandpressedmylipstohisoncemore.“IguessI’llneedabitmoretraining.”

“Ithinkthat’ssomethingwecanworkon.However…”Hereleasedmyswollenlipsandkissed

downmyjawlineandneck.“I’mstillnotfinishedwithyou,sweetheart.Notevenclose.”Awickedgrin

spreadacrosshisface.

Ishookmyhead,butheignoredit.Igrippedmyfingersinhishair,haltinghimtostop,buthebarely

flinched.“Iwouldn’tdothatifIwereyou,”hewarned,sendingathrillingshiverdownmyspine.

“I-Ijustdon’tknowhowmuchmoremybodycantake,”Itriedtoexplain,buthismouthandbody

keptmovingdown.

“Well…whydon’tweseethen?”Icouldheartheelectricamusementinhisvoice.Heliftedhishead

justenoughsoIcouldseehimwinkinreturn.Iwasdoomed.Iwassofuckingdoomed.

Hekisseddownmychestandsuckedonbothnipples,rotatingbetweenthemasherubbedand

squeezed.Hishandsonmefeltsogood,sonatural.Ilovedthatmybodywasexposedtohim,completely

andfullyforhim.

“Alex…”

“Notyet,baby.”

Hismouthtraileddownmystomachuntilhereachedmyhips.Hebrushedhislipslightlyovermy

pussy,justbarelytouchingbutjustenoughtodrivemecrazy.Heblewairovertheexposedslicknessthat

wasachingforhimtotouch.

Helickeddownmyslit,suckingupmyarousalandfinallybringinghismouthdownonme.His

tongueworkedme,bringingmebacktopantingandgaspingforair.Headdedtwofingers,twistingand

grindingdeeperinsideme.

“Ah,yes,god…yes…”Iscreamed,pullingatmyownhair.Ididn’tknowwhatelsetodoanymore.I

couldbarelycontrolthewaymybodyrespondedtohim.Theintensity,thepace,thewayheownedmy

body.Itwassomuch.

Ashecontinued—histongue,hisfingers,hismouth—allformedarhythmuntilIscreamedouthis

nameandcameinhismouth.

“Christ…youtasteincrediblewhenyoucome,Mac.Iswear,nothingevencomparestoit.”Iheard

hiswords,butIwaspanting,unabletorespond.

Iwatchedashewipedhismouth,cominguptolienexttome.Hewasstillrockhard,andI

wonderedhowhe’dbeenabletoholdoffforsolong.Heleanedoverandkissedme,gentlyandslow.My

bodywashumming,adrenalinefinallytakingoverandgivingmetheenergyIwanted.

ILOWEREDMYarmandpalmedhiscockinmyhand,stillhardandthick.Irubbedupanddownthe

slickness—acombinationofthebothofus.

“ImeantitwhenIsaidI’dbeputtingyourasstobetteruse.”Hedidsaythatonourfirstnight.Itwas

hotthen,andit’sevenfuckinghotternow.

Ashiverrandownmybodyathisdemandingtone.Iloveditwhenhisvoicewentdeep—gravelly

andhoarse.

Icontinuedstrokinghim,challenginghiswords.“Mac…”hewarned,asmirkformingonmylips.

“Youneedit,”Iassuredhim.“Thathastobepainfulbynow.”

“Nothingwithyouwouldeverfeelpainful,baby.”

“Thenletme.”Igrippedhimharder,strokingandtwistingmyhandupanddownhislength.

Hecoveredmymouthagain,butthistimeitwaseager,needy.Histonguecontrolledmine,stroking

fastanddeep.

HesatupandbeforeIcouldgraspwhathewasdoing,heflippedmeoveronmystomach.Myhands

splayedflatonthemattressashekneeledbetweenmylegs,drawingmyhipstowardhim.Myasswas

pressedagainsthiserectionasherubbedahandupmyspine,pushingmyshouldersdowntothebed.

“Gorgeous…”Iheardhimsay.“Sofuckinggorgeouslikethis,Mac.”Heleanedovermekissing

downmyspine,mywaist,andsettlingonmyass.Hishandsglidedupanddownmyback,landingonmy

hipsashepulledmeontohiscock,teasingandtorturingasheslowlythrustinandout.

Iarchedmyback,pushingmyassoutfurtherforhim.Iwasaching,drippingwetforhimandthe

longerIwaited,themoreIcraved.Hefeltsogood,mywallstightlygrippinghimashefuckedmefrom

behind.Hewasrough,greedy.Moaning,panting,screaming—theonlythingsIcouldhearbetweenour

bodiescomingtogether,moldedandsecuredasone.Itwasalmosttoomuch—toomuchtofeel,toomuch

tocrave,toomuchtoneed.

IknewbeingwithAlexwasgoingtochangemylifenow,butIwasnolongerscared.Theriskof

feelingthisstronglyforanotherpersonwasworthitall.Ihadn’trealizeditbefore,butIrealizeditnow.

I’dneverbethesameagain.

“Mac…Mac…”hegrowledinpleasurableagony,thrustingdeeplyoncemorebeforereleasing

insideme.Iscreamedandmoanedwithhim,mybodytighteningaswecametogether.

Herolledmeoverandtoweredoverme,cuppingmyfaceinhishandsandstaringdownatme.His

eyesexpressedamixtureofsatisfactionandfear…Iknew,becauseIwasfeelingthesameway.He

brushedhislipsagainstmine,slowandsoft,finalizingwhatwebothknew—thiswasit.Nomorefighting,

denyingwhatwehave,nomoresecrets,nomorepretendingwedidn’thappen.

FacingWilliamwouldbehard,butitwastherightthingtodo.Tellinghimthetruth,everything—

that’dbethemostpainful.ButIknewmylifewithWilliamwasover.

ChapterTwenty-One

Iwokeupinamessofsheetsandtangledlimbs.Alexwasbreathingquietlynexttome,mybodycurled

upagainsthim.Afterspendingallmorningnakedandinbed,weendeduppassingoutbeforelunch.Ihad

managedtotextChelseainbetweentotellherIwastakingapersonalday.Myfirstpersonaldayintwo

years.Ijusthopedshedidn’tcomesearchingforme.

“Mmm…”Alexrolledtowardmeandmoanedinmyear.“Thisbedissomuchmorecomfortable

whenyou’reinit.”

“That’sbecausethemattressisn’tusedtobeingworkedoutthatmuch,”Iteased,wrappingaleg

overhiship.

“Well,let’sjusthopewedon’tbreakit.”Hesmirkedandkissedthetipofmynose.“Wecouldtryto

breakourpreviousrecordandsee?”Ifelthislipscurlupagainstmeatthememoryofdoingitthreetimes

thatfirstnight.

“I’mgoingtostartthinkingsexisallyouwantfromme…”Itaunted,raisingmyeyebrowsupathim.

“That’sthefarthestthingfromthetruth,Mac.”Ismiledupathim,relievedtohearhimsaythose

words.

“So…whatdoyoudoalldaywhenI’matwork?”Ioftenwonderedbutneverbroughtitup.

“Sleep,playvideogames,orderinfood.”Iscowledathim,earningadeep,throatylaughin

response.“I’mkidding.”

Isighed.“Ihopeso.Althoughthatsoundsjustaboutrightforaspoiled,richkid,”Imocked,crying

outinshockasheloweredhisbodyovermineandbeganticklingmeunderthearmsanddowntomyhips.

“Ohmygod…stopit!”Ilaughedharder,tryingtopushhimaway.Hishandswentdownmylegs,tickling

mythighsandknees.Itwasashockofpleasuretorture,mylegskickinghimawayuntilhestopped.“That

wasjustcruel.”

“That’dbealotmoreconvincingifyouweren’tsmiling.”Hecrawledbackoverme,placinga

gentlekissonmymouth.

“Well,theleastyoucoulddoisfeedmenow.Imean,I’mpracticallymalnourished.”Helaughedand

shookhisheadatme,kissingmeoncemorebeforeslidingoutofbed.

Iwatchedashethrewapairofshortsonandaskedoverhisshoulder,“Theworks?”Hegrinned,

rememberingallthefoodweateatthehotelthatmorning.

“Ofcourse.”Ismiledback,admiringhisbacksideashewalkedout.

Ilayinhisbedamoment,breathinginandoutslowlyasIcametotermswitheverything.IfeltlikeI

wasaforty-something-year-oldexperiencingamid-lifecrisis,exceptIwasatwenty-five-year-old

womanabouttochangeeverythingIthoughtIknew—everythingIthoughtIwanted.

ButAlexchangedthat.HeshowedmeperhapsIwasn’tashappyandcontentwithmylifeasI

thoughtIwas.Williamwasgreat,andhe’sawonderfulman,butsettlingforthewrongsomeonewasn’t

somethingIwaswillingtodoanymore.Asmuchasithurttosay,itwasthetruthallalong.

Iquicklyhoppedintheshower,rinsedoff,andpulledononeofhisoversizedt-shirts.BythetimeI

wasdone,Icouldsmellthebaconsizzlingandthemaplesyrupheatingup.

Itsmelledperfect.

IwalkedintothekitchentoashirtlessAlexcookingatthestove—mynewfavoritesightever.He

washummingalongtosometuneinhisheadasheflippedpancakesonthegriddle.

“Youknow…awomancouldjustgetusedtothis.”Istoodbythebreakfastbarandwatchedhim.

Helookedatmeoverhisshoulderandgrinned.“Idon’tknow…perhapsyoushouldwaituntilafter

you’vetriedit.”

“That’strue.”Isigheddramatically.“MaybeIshouldhelp.”Iwalkedupbehindhim,hisarmcoming

aroundmyshoulders,moldingmybodytohis.

Heleaneddownandpressedhisfaceintomyhair.“Christ,yousmelldelicious.”

“Wildstrawberry,”Istatedandsmiled.Hekissedthetopofmyhead,flippingpancakesand

humming.

Iwalkedovertothecoffeemakerandpouredacup.Hehadonesittingoutalready,soIrefilledit

forhim.HehandedmethecreamerandIpouredusbothagenerousamount.Ireachedoverandsethiscup

downnexttohim,grabbingtheloafofbreadintheprocess.Ipoppedfourslicesintothetoasterandtook

outtwoplatesfromthecupboardinfrontofme.Heopenedthefridgedoor,grabbedthebutter,and

handedittomebeforeIcouldask.Weworkedinsmoothsynchronyuntilwehadacounterfilledwith

food.Itwasnearlyperfect.

“Notbad,ChefAlex.Ithinkwithsomemoretraining,youcouldjustbeakeeperinthekitchen,”I

teased.Wesatatthetableacrossfromeachother,ourkneesbumpingtogetheraswedevouredeverything.

“Actually,IhadthoughtaboutbeingachefwhenIwasyounger.Butoncecollegestarted,Ididn’t

haveasmuchtimetoperfectmyskills,”hesaidgenuinely.

“Really?Whathappened?”

Heshrugged,lookingdownathisplate.“Notreallyan‘acceptable’careerfortheLancasterblood.”

Inarrowedmybrows,feelingsadforhim.“That’sdumb,”Ispat.“Beingachefisagreatposition.

ThinkofallthechefsinManhattanwhoworkinprestigiousrestaurantswithboomingcareers.Plus,you

dolookprettyhotinthekitchen…justimaginingyouwearingachef’shatandapronhasmedrippingwet

rightnow.”Isuckedinmylowerlip,playfullymessingwithhim.

“I’dbecarefulwhatyouwishfor,sweetheart…I’vebeenprettynicesofar.”Hewinked,sendinga

shiverdownmyspineatthethreatofhispromise.

“AreyousayingIcouldn’thandleit?”

“I’msayingthatwasjustawarm-up.”Helockedeyeswithmine,thetruthofhiswordsevidentin

hisface.

“It’sagoodthingyoufedmethen…”Ilickedmylips,anticipatinghisnextmove.Hegrinnedand

pushedhischairbackashestoodupandwalkedovertome.

Hegrabbedmychairandshifteditinfrontofhimsoourbodieswerefacingeachother.Hiseyes

remainedlockedonmineashislipscurledintoadevilishgrin.Hekneltdownandspreadmylegsopen,

positioninghimselfrightinbetween.Isatandwatchedwithexcitementashishandsroamedupmythighs

andstoppedatthecreaseofmythigh.Hiseyesfollowedhishandsandthenhequicklylookedupatme

withasmirkIknewmeanthewasuptonogood.

“Putyourhandsbehindyourback.”

“What?”Igaspedasheloopedafingerinmypantiesandbegancirclingmyclit.

“Behindyourback…”hegrowled,lookingupatmewithhoodedeyes.Icompliedandlockedthem

behindme.“Goodgirl.”

Mybodyshiveredashetouchedmeagainandwrappedafingerinmypanties,slidingthemdownmy

legs.Iwatchedashethrewthembehindhimandlickedhislips.Hegrippedmythigh,squeezingwithjust

enoughforcetomakemetwitchinanticipation.Heleaneddownandkissedthesoftspotontheinsideof

mythighandcontinuedmovingupandtomyotherthigh.

Ikeptwaiting,expectinghismouthonmeatanymoment,buthecontinuedhisdelicioustortureof

touchingmeeverywhereexceptwhereIneededhimthemost.

“Alex…”Ipleaded,squirminginthechair.Hecontinuedmovingmyshirtupandovermyhips,

exposingmypussyrightinfrontofhim.Hedippedhishead,kissingdownmystomachandaroundmy

bellybutton.Icouldfeelmybodyheatingup,beggingforit—forhimtorelievetheache—buthistongue

continueditsslowagonyasheavoidedmyclit.“Alex…”Isaidagain,warninghim.Ineededhismouth

onme.

“Youneedit,don’tyou?”

“Yes…”Ipanted,archingmyhipsouttohim.

“Icansmellyou,Mac.Yourscent…sofuckingincredible.”Hetracedhistonguealongsidemypussy,

justoutofreachofwhereIneededhim.“Icanseehowwetyouare…”Heplacedasmallkissjustabove

myclit,sendingarushofshiversdowntomycore.Ifeltmybodytighten,myhipsjerkinginresponseasI

cravedhistongueinsideme.

Myhandsbegantounravelbehindme,unabletotakeitanymore.HecaughtthemjustbeforeI

broughtthemaroundme,securingthembackbehindme.“Iwouldn’tdothatifIwereyou,”hewarned.It

wasthesecondtimehetoldmethatandapartofmewantedtotesthim…justtoseewhathe’ddo.Butthe

intenselookinhiseyescaptivatedmeandbeforeIcouldrebel,hewasbackinbetweenmylegsand

capturedmypussywithhismouth,finally,makingmegaspinresponsetohissuddenintrusion.

“God…yes…”Imoaned,pushingmyhipsouttohim.Helickedupanddownmyslit,suckedonmy

clit,andpushedhistongueinsideme.Whimperedcriesofpleasureescapedmythroatashepushedtwo

fingersinside,curlingthemdeepandhard.Icouldbarelyholdon,buthishandsheldmedown.Iwanted

torakemyhandsthroughhishair,squeezeandpullhimcloser,butIwasn’tabouttotesthimnow.Iknew

ifIdid,he’dstop,andthatwasthelastthingIwantedhimtodorightnow.

Iscreamedandpanteduntilmybodybrokedownandshookrelentlessly.Hismoansmuffledinmy

pussysetmeoff,mywallstighteningaroundhisfingersashequickenedthepace.“Ohmygod…Alex…”

Ibarelyhadthechancetorecoverbeforehegrabbedmyarmsandliftedmeupwithhim.Hislipscovered

mymouth,histastemixedwithmyarousal.

Hewalkedusaroundthetableandthenspunmearound,facingthewall.Mypalmshitthewalllike

bricksonpavementashishandsslowly,roughlycaresseddownmybackandhips.“Onetasteofyou

wouldneverbeenough,baby.Never.”Hekneltdown,grippingmyhipsandkissingdownmyspine.Ifelt

histongueatthebaseofmyass,movinghisbodyinbetweenmylegs.

Heturnedandfacedme,hisbacktothewallashekneltinfrontofme.Istoodwithmyarmsandlegs

spreadashestayedlow,wrappingeachhandaroundmythighs.Hedrewmyhipstowardhimashismouth

foundmyclitagain,histonguecirclingaroundthebudandpullingitinbetweenhisteeth.Imoanedatthe

sensation,thepressure,andintensitybuildingupinsideme.Iwasstillextremelysensitive,mybody

barelyrecoveredfromhismouth’sassaultjustmomentsago.

Panting,Iarchedmyhipsforwardashismouthgreedilysuckedandlicked.MybodyonfireasI

shookinrelief,certainIcouldn’ttakeanymore.

Hereleasedhisgripashesatonthefloorwithhislegsbent.HiseyesmetmineasIwatchedhim

removehisbottoms,hisarousalhardandevident.“Sit,”heordered,butIshookmyheadno.Mybody

wasbuzzing,andIwasquitesureI’dpullamuscleifImovedagain.Hishandswrappedaroundmy

calvesandsqueezed.“Idon’tthinkIcan…”Igroaned.

Helookedupatmeandgrinned.“Sweetheart,we’renotdoneuntilyoucomeonmycock.”His

wordswereelectrifying,unabletoresistthepulltheyhadonme.Istraddledhimandlethimguideme

ontohim.“Keepyourhandsonthewall,baby.”Hewaspainfullyhard,fillingmeasdeepashecouldgo.

Ithrewmyheadbackashismouthandhandsexploredmybody.Onehandsqueezedmybreastwith

justenoughforcethatitnearlymademecryoutinpleasureandhislipsonmyotherbreast,pullingthe

nippleintohismouth.

Hekeptupthepace,thrustingintomeashismouthandhandstouched,grabbed,andsucked.Itwas

moreintensethistime,butIdidn’twantittostop.

“IwannahearyouwhileIsuckonyourtits,Mac,”Iheardhimgrowlouthisdemandjustbefore

scrapinghisteethagainstmynippleashepulleditbackinhismouth.Igasped,surprisedbyjusthow

muchIenjoyedit.“That’sit,babygirl.”

Histonguehadlickedupbetweenmybreastsbeforehislipsfoundmymouthagain,ourbodies

movinginrhythmasarippleofpleasureoverpoweredme,settingusbothovertheedge.

Iwasspent.Ididn’tcareifhecameatmewithacockmadeofgold—Ineededsomerecoverytime.

Hebrushedhishandsthroughmyhair,bringingmyfacedowntohim.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhis

neckashekissedme,slowlyandpassionately.“Ican’tgetenough,Mac.It’snevergoingtobeenough

withyou.”Ikissedhiminresponse,enjoyingthissoftersideofhim.Hewasalittlebitofeverything,but

thewayheadoredme,neededme,cherishedme—thatwasthesideIlovedthemost.Ineverhadthat

before,andsincehehadshownmewhatitfeltlike,Ineverwantedtoletgo.

ChapterTwenty-Two

Weendedupbackinhisbed—torestthistime.Hecurledhisbodyaroundmine,hischestpressedagainst

myback.Wehadstayedsilentlikethatforawhilebeforehespokeup.“I’mcrazyaboutyou,Mac.Ihope

youknowthat.”

Ismiledtomyself.“Iknow.”AndIdid.He’dmadethatperfectlyclearsincedayone.Buthearing

himsayitnow,somehowfeltdifferent.

“Idon’tknowwhatitwasaboutyou,butwhenIfirstsawyouthatnight—IjustknewIneededto

knowyou.Somethingdrewmetoyou.”

Iturnedandfacedhim,throwingalegoverhis,andintertwiningourbodiestogether.“Wouldthat

somethingbealcoholandpoorjudgment?”

“Doyoualwayshavetobeasmartass?”

“No,notalways.”Ismiledasheleanedinandkissedme.“So…”Iinquired.“Doyouthinkyou’dbe

achefifthecircumstancesweredifferent?”

Henarrowedhisbrowsatme,obviouslythrownoffbymymisplacedquestion.“IliketothinkI

would’vepursuedithadtheoptionbeenavailable.”

“Andwhywasn’tit?”Iasked,notunderstandingwhyitwaslabelednegatively.“Youlovetocook.

Atonepoint,youconsideredit.Whathappened?”

Heswallowed,hisfacetightening.“Dowereallyhavetotalkaboutthis?It’sinthepast.Itwas

somethingIwantedyearsago.There’snothingIcandoaboutitnow.”

Idrewmybrowsathim,curlingmylipupononeside.“You’rethesameageasIam…it’snotlike

youcan’tchangecareers.Imean,ifthatwassomethingyoureallywanted.”

Heshookhishead.“Itdoesn’tmatter.It’dneverbeallowed.”IknewhewastalkingaboutWilliam

andthathe’dneverallowit,butitdidn’tmakesensetome.Ifbeingachefwasfrownedupon,nowonder

he’dbeenurgingmetoquitmyjob.Beinginfashionwasajoketohim.

“That’sbullshit,Alex.”

“Well,whenyourlifeispre-plannedoutandallfinancialstabilityiscontrolledforyou,itleaves

limitedoptions.Youdowhatyouhavetodotokeeplittlecontrolthat’sleft.Soinordertokeepupthe

Lancastername,Istudiedpoliticsandbusiness.Atleastthatway,IcaninitiallychoosewhichpositionI

wanttogetinto.”

“Areyoulookingforjobsnow?”Iasked,curiousastowhathisfutureplanswere.

“Yes,I’venetworkedwithpeersandhaveinterviewslinedupthroughthemonth,startingnextweek.

Beinga‘Lancasterlegacy’atleastgivesmeopportunitiesmostpeoplemyagewouldn’tevenbeableto

touch.So,itcomeswithbenefits,Isuppose.”

“Boringbenefits,”Iadded,smirkingjustenoughsoheknewIwasmessingwithhim.

“Iknow.Buteitherway,atleastI’llhaveajobandcanmoveout.Because,I’mprettysureI’mgoing

toneedmyownplaceprettysoon.”Helookeddownatme,neitherofuswantingtotalkabouthowthis

willchangeeverything.Webothknewit;wejustweren’tsurewhatactionsneededtotakeplace.Atleast,

Ididn’t.TherewasnowayIcouldsleepinthesamebedwithWilliamandnottellhim.Therewouldn’t

beenoughtimetofindaplaceofmyown,butIknewStaciwouldletmecrashwithheruntilIfiguredit

out.

“I’mtellingWilliamwhenhegetshome,”Ibegan.“I’mjustnotsurehow.”Ishrugged.Itstunga

littlesayingitaloud,butIknewweneededsomekindofplan.We’dbothbekickedoutandwiththe

mediareadytorunanystorythatrevolvedaroundWilliam,we’dneedtobeasquietaboutitaspossible.

Hecuppedmyjawandbrushedhislipsagainstmine.Hetoldmeathousandthingsinjustthatone

kiss.Hope.Faith.Strength.

“Willyoutellmeaboutyourmom?”Iaskednervously,suckinginmylowerlip.“Williamwould

nevertellmemuch.”Ifelthiminhaleadeepbreathagainstme,hiseyespeeringupattheceiling.Icould

tellIhitanerve,soIwasn’tgoingtoforcehimtotalkaboutit.“It’sallright.Wedon’thavetotalkabout

her,”Isaidsoftly.

“No,it’snotthat.Ilovetalkingabouther.Ijust…there’salotpeopledon’tknow.I’vehadtokeepit

allasecretand…it’sthereasonmydadandIdon’tgetalongverywell.”

Isatupandleanedagainstthebedframe.Hisfacewassotenseandhiseyesstayedlow.Icouldtell

thiswasn’teasyforhim,butIwasgladhewaswillingtotalkaboutit.

“Whatisit?”Iprompted.

HemetmygazeandIcouldseethepaininhiseyes.Therewasanunderliningreasonbehindhim

andWilliam’srelationship—Ialwaysknewtherewas—butWilliamwouldnevertellmeanything.That

manwasapparentlyfullofsecrets.

“Shedidn’thavecancer…it’swhathetoldthemedia,butitwasalie.”

“What?”Igasped.“Didherfamilyknow?”

“Hepaidthemalloff.”Hescowled.“Hepayseveryoneofftokeepuphisreputation.”

What?

Ittookmeaminutetoabsorbhiswords,tocometotermswiththefactthatthemanIhadplannedto

marrywasnotthemanIthoughthewas.“Whyhadn’tyouevertoldmebefore?Surely,thatwould’ve

grabbedmyattentionmuchearlier.”

“Youwouldn’thavebelievedmethen.IknewifItoldyoubefore,youwould’vethoughtIwaslying,

justtosayitsoyou’dleavehimforme.”Ididn’targuewiththat,itwastrue.Iprobablywould’ve

accusedhimofmakingitupjusttogetmeinbedwithhim.

“So…howhashebeenabletogetyoutokeepasecretallthistime?Imean,what’sstoppingyou

fromrunningtothepresswithit?”

Hesighed,obviouslyupsetoverthewholething.“Honestly…mytrustfund.Heholdsitagainstme,

onlygivesmeenougheachmonthtosurviveuntilthenext.Heneverfullysigneditovertome,and

withoutit,Iwouldn’thavebeenabletofinishschool.That’swhyIhadtomoveinhereuntilIfounda

job.”

“Yeah,heseemedawfullygladyouwerestaying.Evensaidheexpectedyoutostayforayear.”

“That’sbecauseheknowsonceImoveoutandcansupportmyself,Icouldeasilyshareallthe

Lancastersecrets.Buthe’djustfindsomethingelsetoholdagainstme.”Heshrugged,lookingdefeated.

“Heknowsit’druinmynametoo,onceIdofindajob.It’dbearippleeffect.He’smadesureofthat.”

“Wow…”Myeyeswidenedinshock.Icouldhardlybelievethewordshewassaying.Williamhad

beengoodatdeceivingme,atlettingmebelieveeverythinghewassayingwastruthful.“I’vebeenpretty

naive,”Isaidaloud.“Ihadnoidea.”

“It’snotyourfault,Mac.He’saprofessional.He’smadelyinghiscareertogetwhathewantsfrom

peopleandtokeepitthatway.He’samastermanipulator.”

Iswallowed,mybodyshakingwiththerealizationthatI’dbeenwithsomeoneIhadn’ttrulyknown.I

feltsick.

“Areyouokay?”

Ishookmyhead,notreallyknowingifIwasornot.“Iwillbe,”Ireassuredhim.“Oncethisisoutin

theopen,andIdon’tfeeltrappedbyhisliesanymore.Whataboutyou?”

“Whataboutme?”

“Whatwillyoudoaboutyourtrustfund?Aren’tyouworried?”

Heshrugged.“Sincemeetingyou,theonlythingI’vebeenworriedaboutislosingyou.IknewI

wouldn’tmakeithereayear,livingwithyou,watchingyoumarryhim,soI’vebeenputtingmoneyaway

inanaccounthehasnoideaabout.It’snotmuch,butit’llholdmeoveruntilIfindajob.”

Iflashedasmallsmileofreliefathim.“Areyouafraidhe’llsomehowjeopardizeyourchancesof

gettingajob?”Iaskednervously.“It’sobvioushehasalotofconnections.”

“No,Ihaven’treallythoughtaboutit.ButIdon’tthinkhewould…he’llhavetoplayfairifhewants

certainthingskeptoutofthepublic.”Thethoughtsentananxiousshiverdownmybody.Ihatedthat

WilliamhadsecretsIknewnothingabout.Butitdidn’tmatteranymore.

Heheldmeinhisarms,keepingourbodiescloseandsecure.Ihadn’trealizeduntilnowhowsafeI

feltinhisarms.Hisbodytoweredovermine,makingmefeelcomfortedandsecure.

“So,canyoutellmethetruthaboutyourmom?Strictlyoutofcuriosity…Icantellshemeantalotto

you.”

Ifelthimexhalebeforespeakingup.“Iwasprettyyoung,soDadandMomdidn’tthinkIknewwhat

wasgoingon,butIdid.Shegrewupinahigh-societylifestyleliketheonetheywereraisingmeinand

shewasunhappyaboutit.Shebeggedhimtomovetothesuburbs,toworkless,tobehomemore.She

waslonely.She’dspenddaysinbed,nottalkingtoanyone.Dadsaidhe’dgototherapywithher,towork

outtheir‘issues,’butheconstantlycanceledonherforwork.Aworkmeeting.Aconference.Something

alwayscameupandshefeltlessandlessimportanttohim.Shestartedgettingmoreactiveinthe

community,organizingevents,charities,networkingwithotherwomen.Youcouldtellgettinginvolved

madeherhappy.Shestillmadesuretospendtimewithme,behomewhenIarrivedhomefromschool.

Oneday,thenannypickedmeupfromschoolbecauseIhadbeenfeelingsick.Theschoolcalledhersince

bothofmyparentswereusuallybusyduringtheday.Thenannytuckedmeinbedandsaidshewas

runningouttogetmesomemedicine.Beforesheevenleft,Iheardherscreaming.”Hepaused,inhalinga

deepbreath.Hiseyeswereclosed,memoriesfloatingaroundinhismindbeforehecontinued.“Irushed

outofbedandfoundwhyshehadbeenscreaming.”Hekepthiseyesclosed,breathingoutinslow,

calculatedbreaths.

Ibracedmyself,readytohearthewords,buttheynevercame.Aslamofthefrontdoorstartledus

both,makingusjump.“Ohmygod,”Iwhisperedinpanic.“William’shome!”

Williamnevercamehomeearlyfrombusinesstrips,whichmademyheartraceatanuncontrollable

rate.Itwaspossiblehe’scalledtoletmeknow,butIhadn’tevencheckedmyphonesinceearlythat

morningwhenImessagedChelseaandletherknowIwouldn’tbecomingintoworktoday.

“Hecan’tfinduslikethis!”Ijumpedoutofhisbed,searchingforanythingtothrowovermybody.

“Mac,calmdown—”Heputahandouttome,butIignoredit.“He’sgoingtofindoutanyway.”

“Notlikethis!”Ihissed.“Iwantedtotellhiminamorerespectfulway.”Althoughnowknowing

whatAlextoldme,hedidn’treallydeservethat.Butstill,Ididn’twanthimfindingusnowandkickingus

bothoutbeforewehadachancetomakeanyplans.

“Okay,justrelax,”hesoothed,embracingmeinhisarms.“He’dexpectmetobehome,notyou.So

youstayinhereandI’llgocheckitout.”Inodded,tooshakenuptorespond.Hekissedthetopofmyhead

andslowlyopenedthedoor,closingitgentlybehindhim.

Ifoundapairofhisboxershortsandputthemon.Isatontheedgeofthebed,waitinganxiouslyfor

himtocomeback.Ilistenedforvoices,foranykindofevidence,buthereturnedquietlybeforeIheard

any.

“It’sjustthemaid,”hewhispered,reliefwashingovermeasIcollapsedonthebed.“Shecomes

everyWednesdayafternoon,”heexplained,whichIknew,butobviouslyforgot.

“Shit,”Ibreathedout,waitingformyhearttostoppoundinginmychest.

“Guessthatmeansyou’llhavetohideoutinhereuntilshe’sgone.”Hesmirked,walkingover

towardme.

“Thatwilltakehours,”Igroaned,butnotreallyupsetaboutit.

“Well…we’lljusthavetofindsomethingtopreoccupyourselves.”Heleanedoverme,placinghis

handsonthebednexttome.Hisfaceinchesawayfrommine,hislipslightlybrushedmine.

“I’msureyou’llthinkofsomething.”

Andhedid.

ChapterTwenty-Three

Themaidfinallyleftbeforedinner.Thankfully,shewasaquickworkerandwewerehardlyhometo

reallymakeamessanyway.AlexandIorderedinandsatonthecouchwatchingmovies.Itwasthe

perfectglimpseofwhatwecouldbe—ofwhatitcouldbewithhim.Iknewinlessthantwenty-fourhours,

everythinginmylifewasgoingtochange.

IwantedtosoakupasmuchofthisasIcould.

“What’syourfavoritemovie?”Iasked,grabbingahandfulofpopcorn.

“AnythingwithTerminator.”

Isnorted.“Ofcourse.”

“Andyours?Somethingcheesy?Flowersandromance?Rainbowsandkittens?”

Inarrowedmybrowsathim,laughing.“Notexactly.”

“Thenwhat?”heprompted.

Ihesitatedbeforeresponding,“ConAir.”

“You’relying.”

“I’mnot!”Inudgedhimintheribs.“Thereweren’tmanyoptions.”Helookedoveratme,curiosity

inhiseyes.“Growingupinshelters.Weonlygottowatchmoviesthatweredonatedorfromthelibrary.

Andit’snotlikemymomwouldeverspendthemoneytogotoatheater.MyfirsttimegoingwaswhenI

wasnineteen.ButConAirwasoneofthosemoviesIcouldwatchoverandoveragain.Ilovedtheaction.

Andsincetheshelterswereblendedwithteens,men,andwomen,thereweren’tmanyoptionsthat

appealedtothemajority.Sobasically,Igrewuponwarmovies,action,andthrillers.”Ismilednervously

inreturn.

“Well,atleastit’sadecentmovie.We’dhavetorenegotiatethiswholethingifitweresomething

elselike…Casablanca.”Hechuckled,obviouslyamusedwithhimself.Ijustshookmyheadandsmiledat

him.

“Ididn’twatchalotofromancemovies,butIalwayslovedtheendingwhenhefinallymakesit

homeandmeetshisdaughterforthefirsttime.Icriedeverytimethatdangsong,HowDoILive,started

playing.”

“Well,thatexplainsalotatleast.”Hegrinned.

“What’sthatmean?”

“Nothingbad,”hereassured.“Justthatmostgirlsalwayshaveapreconceivednotionofwhatlove

andromancearesupposedtobeabout.”

Ididn’tgrowuphavinganykindofnotionsofwhatlovewassupposedtobeabout.Ididn’tread

romancenovels,orgetsuckedintoNicholasSparkmovies,orhavegirlfriendstogossipwith.Imet

friendsinmyfashionmarketingclassesandacouplefromwork,butbythen,itwasalmosttoolate.The

coupleofguysIhadmetbeforeWilliamcouldn’tholdacandletohim.Hewassopowerful,sointriguing

comparedtotherest,thatIwasimmediatelyfascinatedwithhim.

“Well,it’ssafetosayIdidn’tknowmuch.”Ifrowned,butheimmediatelyliftedmychinuptogreet

mylips.

Imeanttoaskhimtherestofhisstoryofhismom,butweendeduppassingoutonthecouch

together.Hisarmstangledaroundme,andIwashelplesstomove.

ItwasthefirsttimesincemeetingAlexthatIwantedtostayexactlyaswewere.

THESMELLOFcoffeewokemeearlythenextmorning.Iwasstillonthecouch,butAlexwasgone.I

assumedhewastheonemakingcoffee,andafterhearingmystomachgrowl,hopefully,breakfast,too.

Ithrewtheblanketoffandnoticedthesunwasjustrising,whichmeantI’dhavetogetintheshower

andgetreadyforworksoon.Williamwasscheduledtoreturnsometimetonight,andIwasn’texactlysure

howIplannedtohandleit.

IdecidedIshouldprobablypackabagjustincaseIneededtocrashatStaci’sonawhim.

IfoundAlexinthekitchen,mixingabowlofpancakebatterinhisperfectAlexform.Wild,messy

locks,shirtlessinonlyapairofsweatsthatlaylowonhiships,andahalfweeks’worthofstubble.No

wondermybody’sreactiontohimwaspotent.ButgettingtoknowAlex’ssofterside,hisbackground,and

truepersonality—thosewerethetraitsworthriskingeverythingfor.

“Goodmorning,beautiful,”hesaidasIcontinuedstaring,takinghimallin.Hefinallylookedupat

meandsmiled.“Youknow…”hebeganashestartedheatingupthegriddle,“you’refreetostarefrom

overhere,too.”Henoddedhisheadtowardthestoolatthebreakfastbar.

“Areyoualwaysasmartassinthemorning?I’mstartingtonoticeapattern,”Imocked,walkingup

tothecounterandgrabbingthecarafeandacupfromthecupboard.

“It’sthenaturalAlexLancastercharm.”Hecameupbehindmeandwrappedhisarmsaroundmy

waist,pressinghischestintomyback.Ilaughedinamusementashebroughthisheaddownandbegan

kissingthelengthofmyneckuptomyear.“Areyousureyoucan’tplayhookyjustonemoreday?”

Igroanedathowamazinghislipsfeltonme,hishandsfindingtheirwaytomypantyline.“Iwish.”I

letmyheadfallbackonhisshouldersashislipsassaultedthefleshjustbelowmylobe.

“You’regoingtoburnyourhandifyoukeeppouring…”Hisbreathtickledmyear,andIrealizedI

wasstillpouringhotcoffeeintomycup.Isetitdownjustintime,almostspillingitalloverthecounter.

“Andyou’regoingtomakemeextremelylateifyoukeepthisup…”ButIdidn’tmakeanyattempts

tomove,notjustyet.

“Well…that’skindofmyplan.”

Ifinallybrokefreeandturnedaroundtofacehim.Hewassimplyadorable,hiseyessoft,hissmile

wideandcharming.“You’remakingitveryhardtomaketherightchoicehere,”Igroaned,wrappingmy

armsaroundhisneckandpullinghimtowardme.

Heclosedthedistanceandkissedme,slowandpassionately,ashishandsgrippedmyhipsand

pulledthemagainsthishardarousal.

Damnhim.

Imoanedagainsthismouth,hishandsfreelyexploringmybodyanduptomybreastswherethey

settled.

“Breakfastisnevergoingtogetmadethisway,”Iteased,pushinghimawayslightly.“Ineedto

shower.Andgetreadyforwork.”Andpack.ButIwasn’tgoingtotellhimthatjustyet.Itwasincaseof

anemergency—AKA,WilliamkickedmeoutbeforeIcouldgrabwhatIneeded.

Heleanedbackonhisheelsashisheadfellback,groaning.“Fine…youcleanup,I’llmake

breakfast.”

“See?Ihaveyoutrainedalready.”Iwinked,kissinghimoncemorebeforeslidingoutofhisarms

andgrabbingmyhotcupofcoffee.ItookitwithmeasIbeganwalkingoutofthekitchen.

“Iwouldn’tgothatfar,”hewarned.Ilookedovermyshoulderandsmirkedathim.

IGRABBEDMYLouisVuittonsuitcaseoutoftheclosetandbeganpackingtheessentials.Iplannedto

hideitsoWilliamwouldn’tbecomesuspiciousuntilwecouldtalk.Istillwasn’tsurehowIwasgoingto

tellhim,orwhen,butIknewIhadtoassoonaspossible.Iwasn’tlookingforwardtoit,butIwas

positiveitwaswhatIwanted.

Thinkingbacktojustforty-eighthoursago,Icouldn’tbelievehowmuchhadchanged.Ihadn’teven

hadtimetocallStaciandfillherin,butI’dcallherononeofmybreaksandgiveherthequickrundown.

OnceIfinishedpacking,Ihoppedintheshowerandgotdressed.Nerveswerealreadycreepingin,

makingmefeelanxiousabouthowthisdaywasgoingtogo.Iknewworkwoulddistractmeatleast,but

it’dstillbeinthebackofmymind.

IcouldsmellbaconsizzlinganddecidedI’deatbeforefinishingmyhairandmakeup.AsIwalked

downthehallwaytothekitchen,IheardAlexspeaking.Istilled,listeningashespoketosomeoneonthe

phone.

Ilookeddownatmyphoneandsawthatitwasonlysixforty-five.Whothehellcouldhebeonthe

phonewiththisearly?

Ihearddeeplaughterandthesoundofpancakesflipping.Itiptoedclosertothedoorbutdidn’tgo

through.

“Yeah,man…noworries,”hebeganandthenpausedbeforespeakingupagain,“Nah,actuallyI

shouldbethankingyou.”Helaughedagain,listeningtothepersonontheotherlinebeforeresponding,

“Youwouldneverguesswhowastherethatnight…no,man.You’llneverguesswhoIsaw.”

Washetalkingaboutme?

“Dude…mydad’sfiancée.ShewastherewithsomegirlfriendsandonceIsawher…”Icouldhear

deep,amusedlaughscomingfromhim,butmyfeetremainedplantedonthefloor.Myjawdropped,my

bodyheatingupinangerastherealizationcamefloodingthrough.

Heknew.

“Ifuckedherallnightlong…”hecontinued,andIalmostthrewupinmymouthatthecoldwayhe

saidit.“Sogood,man.Yeah,I’mlivinghere.”Morelaughter.“Whatdoyouthink?Ofcourse.”

Mybodystartedshakingatthewayhespokeaboutus—aboutme—asifIwasjustsomepawninhis

littleschemetogetbackatWilliam.

“Yeah,she’safox…muchhotterinperson.”

Igasped,butquicklycoveredmymouth.Iheardhimshufflearoundthekitchenasheendedthephone

callandbeforeIcouldstopmyself,Imovedthroughthekitchenentryway.Hiseyeslockedonmine,shock

andfearevidentinhisface.

“Mac…”hestarted,butIquicklycuthimoff.

“Youknew.”Istoodfrozen,myjawtightandfistsclenchedatmysides.

Silence.

“YouknewwhoIwas…”Icontinuedashesteppedcloser,mymindspinning.

“Youweren’tsupposedtohearthat.”Hebroughthishandouttome,butIsteppedback.

“Fuckyou.”Mybloodwasboiling.Ididn’twanthimtotouchme.Ididn’twanthimanywherenear

me.

“Mac…”hesaidagain,butithadnoeffectonme.

“YOUKNEW!”Iscreamedback,pushingagainsthischestoncehewascloseenough.“Youdidthis

onpurpose.Somesicktwistedgetbackatdaddyrevenge?Youthrewmearoundlikearagdoll,making

mesecond-guesseverythingIwashappywith.”

“Mac…itwasn’tlikethat.”Hisvoicewaslow,deep,andcontrolled.

“Shutup,Alex.Idon’twanttohearit.”Iturnedandstartedtowalkout.

“Don’ttellmetoshutup.I’mnotdonewithyou,Mac.”Hegrabbedmyelbow,pullingmetoward

him.

Iyankedmyelbowoutofhisgripandlookedhimintheeyes,coldanddefeated.“Well,I’mdone

withyou.”

ChapterTwenty-Four

Ilockedmyselfinmyroom,finishingmyhairandmakeupinrecordspeed.Ididn’thavetimeforthis.I

hadtobetoworkinlessthananhourandmakearrangementsforstayingwithStaci.

IfIcouldn’t,Iwasscrewed.

IthoughtabouthowIcouldmaybecrashwithBrittainyorElla,butBrittainywasgettingmarriedin

twoweeks,andIdidn’twanttobringmydramaintoherlife.

Nope,I’dfindawaytogetthroughthis.I’dtellWilliamtonight,packmybag,andleavethe

Lancasterhouseforthelasttime.Apparently,bothofthemwerefuckingliars.

ThethoughtofWilliamlyingtomestung,butpartofmewasrelievedIfoundoutnowbeforeitwas

toolate.Istillhaven’theardthewholestory,butwhatIhaveheardwasenough.Hehadcoveredhislate

wife’sdeathandhadfailedtotellmeanyofit.

“Mac!”IheardAlexpoundingonthebedroomdoor.“Letmein!Icanexplain!”

Irolledmyeyes.Isn’tthatwhateverylyingassholesays?

Igrabbedmypurseandtookonelastlookinthemirror.IhardlyrecognizedthepersonIsawinmy

reflection…howinthehelldidIgethere?

IshruggeditoffandquicklycametotermswithwhatIwasnowfacing.

Thetruth.

IletAlexin.Ilethiminsofar,Icouldn’tseejusthowfaruntilitwastoolate.Iletmyselfgetlostin

him,lostintherealityofmylife.Apartofmeachedwithsadness,knowinghowhardIwasfallingfor

him.TheotherpartwaspissedoffandbitterthatIevenallowedmyselfto.

“Mac!Please!Justletmeexplain!”Hepoundedonthedooronceagain.

Iwhippedthedooropen,readytopushpasthim,buthisentirebodyblockedmyway.“Move.”

“No.”

“Alex…I’mgoingtobelateforwork.Move.”

“Youaren’tgoinganywhereuntilwetalk.Iswearit’snotwhatitlookslike.”

“Oh,puh-lease,Alex…couldyousoundanymorecliché?Justmove.”Iattemptedtowalkaround

him,buthisarmswereonbothsidesofthedoorframe,blockingmein.“MoveorI’llmakeyoumove,”I

threatened,myfaceheatingupinirritation.

“I’dliketoseeyoutry,sweetheart.”Hewaspissingmeoffandmytolerancewasdowntonothing.

Mybloodboilingandangerfuming,Istaredhimstraightintheeyesandkneedhimrightbetweenthelegs.

“Fuck!”

Hewentdownbeforehecouldeventakeabreath.Avictoriousthrillrippledthroughmeattheway

hecuppedhisjunk,cursingashelayinafetalpositionontheground.

“LookslikeIdidn’thavetotryveryhard.”Ismirkedandsteppedoverhim,walkingpasthim.

“Mac…wait…”Hestrainedtogetthewordsout,butIignoredhim.“Please…”

“Goodbye,Alex.”

Iwalkedoutthedoorwithoutglancingback.Iheldbackthetearsthreateningtopourout.Iwouldn’t

allowmyselftocry.Notnow.Ihadtostaystrong,andtheonlywayIwouldbeabletobestrongwasifI

lettheangerfuelmyemotions.Ifeltbetrayedbyhim,butIknewIbetrayedWilliamsoIcouldn’tfeel

sorryformyselfinthatregard.IwasonlysorryIwasgoingtohurtWilliamintheprocess.

BYTHETIMEIarrivedtowork,coldandbitterweretheonlyemotionsIfelt.Itwastheonlywayto

turnoffthetears,andIknewtodaywasgoingtobeabusydaysinceIcalledinyesterday.

Anotherreminderofitall.Great.

MyphoneblewupallmorningwithcallsandtextsfromAlex.Icouldn’ttakeitanymore,soIturned

thedamnthingoff.AsItypedoutmyemailtoStaci,givingheraquickrun-downandexplainingthatI’d

needaplacetocrash,myworkphonerang,flashingWilliam’scellphonenumber.

Isuckedinabreath,remindingmyselftosoundnormalandcalm.

“Hey!”Iansweredoverly-cheerful,clenchingmyeyesclosedasIbracedmyselftohearhisvoice.

“Mackenzie…”histonewaslow,hisvoicedeepwithworry.“Ineedyouhomeassoonas

possible.”

Inarrowedmybrowsandstoppedtyping.“Whatdoyoumean?Ican’tjustleavework…”Nerves

wereflutteringallthroughmystomachatthewayhisvoicesounded.Thiscouldn’tbegood.

“I’matalayoverinChicagorightnow.I’llbethereinacouplehours,andIneedyoutomeetmeat

home.Ineedyououtofthemedia.”Mymindwasspinninginahundreddirections…whatwashetalking

about?

Iclickedoutofmyemailandstraightenedmydesk.“Tellmewhat’sgoingon.”

“Thepressisrunningastoryonpagesix…it’saboutyouandAlex.”

Inearlychoked,catchingtheattentionofmyassistant.Shemouthed,“Areyouokay?”Ipattedmy

chestacoupletimesandnodded.Icouldn’tbelievewhatIwashearing…didWilliamknow?

“WhatdoyoumeanastoryonAlexandme?Aboutwhat?”

“Therewereafewreportersatyourcharityevent…”Hecontinuedtalking,butIwasn’tlistening.

MymindwentbacktothatnightwhenAlexandIarrivedtogether,whenwesatandhaddinnertogether,

whenhe’dleaninandwhisperinmyear…allthingsyoudon’texactlydowithyourfuturestepson.But

nothinghappenedthere…IleftwithWilliam,sotheirentirestoryisfabricated.“Mackenzie,areyou

listening?”

“Huh?”Iblinked.

“Gethome.Donottalktoanyone.Doyouunderstand?”

“Yes.I’ll…um…leaverightnow.”

“I’llgetthereassoonasIcan,darling.”Myheartclenchedatthegenuinenessofhistone.“Don’t

worry,okay?”

“Um,yeah.Sure,”Irambled.Thiswasgoingtobeworsethantellinghimthetruth…nowitwouldbe

broadcastedalloverthecity.Andeveryonewouldknowoursecret.

IHATEDLYINGtomyboss,butitwastheonlywayshe’dletmeleavewithoutnotice.Iplayedthesick

card,pretendingtothrowupinthegirl’sbathroomagoodtwentyminutesbeforeIactuallyleft.Shehated

beingnearsickpeople,sayingshedidn’twantmetoinfecther,andthatifIwasstillsicktomorrow,notto

comein.

IwouldprobablytakeheruponthatofferconsideringIwasalreadyfeelingsickoverwhatIknew

wasabouttocome.

IwasgladtoarrivehomebeforeWilliam.IneededtotalktoAlex,tellhimheneededtostayoutof

itandthatIwasdoingallthetalking.ItwasbadenoughIbetrayedWilliam;Iwasn’tgoingtoletAlex

fabricatesomestupidstoryonmybehalf.

“Alex!”Iscreamed,walkingdownthehallwaytowardhisroom.“Alex,whereareyou?”Iyelled

again.Adrenalineandfearoverpoweredme,myfaceturningredwhenIfinallycamefacetofacewith

him.

“Youcameback?”Iheardthehopefulnessinhisvoice.Ifoughtbackalaugh.HethoughtIwasback

forhim…

“Whatdidyoudo?”Ishouted,accusingly.“Whyisthepressrunningastoryonus?”

Heblinkedandsteppedcloser,forcingmetotakeastepback.“Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?”

“Letmeguess…youhaveabsolutelynocluewhythepressdecidedtonowrunastoryonusshowing

upatthecharityeventtogether?”

“No…Mac,Ihavenofuckingidea…”Hisfacetensed,shockwrittenalloverhisface.Before

overhearinghisphoneconvothismorning,Iwould’vebelievedhim,butnow…nowitdidn’tevenmatter.

“You’reafuckingliar…”Ispatout.“Whoelsehaveyoubeentalkingtoaboutme?Abouthowyou

bangedyourdad’sfiancéeandgotmetosleepwithyoubehindhisback?Hm…Iimaginealonglistoffrat

brothersandsomepressreporters?AmIclose?”Istoodwithmyarmscrossedovermychest,testingmy

limits.

“Youhaveitallwrong,Mac…”Hebroughthisarmsouttome,slowlysteppingtowardme.“That

guyIwastalkingtoisanobody.He’sanoldfriendandwassupposedtomeetmeattheclubthatnightand

nevershowed.Ididn’tmeanwhatIsaid,andIswear,it’snotwhatyouthink.”

Myheartachedatthedesperatenessofhisvoice,butIlettheragetakeover.Iwouldn’tletmystupid

emotionsobscuremyactionsagain.“Itdoesn’tmatter,Alex.Youliedtome.You’vebeenlyingtome.I

can’ttrustyou…ever.Youfuckedwithmymind,andIgaveupeverything.Iwasfinebeforeyoushowed

up!”Ipushedagainsthischestashetookanotherstepcloser,tryingtoconsolemewithhisarms.“Stay

back,Alex.I’mnotjoking.”

Helookeddownatmeandgrinned.“Areyoudonethen?”

“Done?”Ihissed.“No,I’mnotdone!Doyouevenrealizewhat’shappening?Thepressiswritinga

storyaboutus!”

“Yeah?What’sitgoingtosay?”hechallenged,raisingonehandupandwavingitintheairfromleft

toright.“AlexanderLancasterstealsDad’sfiancéerightfromunderhisnose…hedidn’tknowagood

thingwhenhehadit.AlexandMackenzierunawaytogether,leavingWilliaminthedust.”Hedroppedhis

handandlookedbackatme,myfoottappingimpatientlyagainstthefloor.

“You’resochildish,”Ithrewback.“They’regoingtorunastoryonhowwe’vebeensleeping

togetherbehindhisback.They’regoingtomakeupthingsaboutthebothofusthataren’ttrue.”

“Well….”Hesmirked.“Mostofthat’strue.”

“God…you’resoannoying.Thiscouldactuallyhurtmycareer,Alex.Aren’tyouevenabitworried

howitcouldaffectyourchancesofgettingajob?Abouthowit’llaffectyourrelationshipwithyourdad?”

Hesnorted.“Whatrelationship?”Heleaneddown,gettingmuchclosertomyfacethanIcould

handle,butIcouldn’tpushhimawayashebeganspeaking,“See…that’sthedifferencebetweenmydad

andme.Idon’tworryaboutthepress,otherpeople’sopinions,orhowitmightaffectmy‘image.’Idon’t

giveafuck,Mac.Butclearly,mydaddoes.Hewouldn’tbemakingyouhideouthereifhedidn’t.”

Iscowled,narrowingmybrowsathiminanger.“Sowhatifhecaresabouthisimage,Alex?Heruns

amulti-milliondollarbusiness.Hehasarespectablereputationtouphold.”

“Yeah…you’rejustpartoftheimage,Mac.Don’tyouseethat?”

Iwasonthebrinkoftears,butIpushedthemback.Ihatedhim.Ihatedthathewaspushingme.I

shruggedandresponded,“Itdoesn’tmatter.Notanymore.”Iwasdoneanyway.Iturnedtowalkaway,but

immediatelyhaltedasInoticedWilliamstandinginthedoorway,hiseyesstaringblanklyatme.Igasped

insurprise,mybodytrembling.Heheardeverything.

ThiswassonothowIwantedhimtofindout.

Thethreeofusstayedsilent,noonemakingthemovetospeakfirst.Finally,Williamswallowedand

shruggedoutofhissuitcoat,settingitontheentrywaytable.“Alexander,I’dliketospeakwithmy

fiancéealone.”HelookedovermeatAlex.

“Whatareyoudoinghomealready?”Iblurtedout.Iwassureithadn’tbeentwohourssincehehad

calledme.

Hiseyesblinkedtomine,expressionless.“Iwasabletogetanearlierflight.”

Iswallowedinresponse.Iwasguilty.Sofuckingguilty.

“Alexander…”heprompted,butAlexmadenoattempttomove.

“No…”Histonewasharsh,agitated.“I’mnotleavingyoualonewithher.”

Whatthehell?

“Alexander…it’snotupfordebate.Youneedtoleave.”

“I’mnotgoinganywhere.”Iturnedtoscowlathim,butthedeathglarehewasshootingatWilliam

stoppedme.Hisbuffarmswerecrossedagainsthischestandhislegsspreadapart.Helookedreadyfora

fight.

IlookedbackatWilliam,whowaswalkingtowardme.Hegrabbedmyelbowandpulledme

towardhim.“Weneedtotalk.”Heguidedmethroughthehallway,mynervesbecomingalmost

unbearable.IcouldfeelAlexbehindus,following.Iwould’veexpectedWilliamtoyell,beupset—

anything.Buthewaschillinglycalmashewalkedusthroughtheapartment.

“Wait…”Ifroze,hisfingerslosingtheirgriponme.Iwasn’tsureItrustedhim.Ididn’twanttobuy

intohisliesanymore.“Tellmeouthere.”

HelookeddownatmeandthenglancedbackbehindmewhereIknewAlexwasstanding.“It’snot

somethingI’dliketotalkaboutintheopen.”

“Why?”Ichallenged.

“Becausethisisourbusiness,Mackenzie,andwiththemediarunningoffwiththeirstory,Ican’tbe

toocarefulwhoIspeakinfrontof.”

IheardAlexhuffinanamusedlaugh.“Incaseyou’renotgettingit,Mac…he’ssayinghedoesn’t

trustme,whichisrealfreshconsideringthemanhasbuilthislifeonlies.”

“Alexander…”Williamhissed,warninghimwithhiseyes.“Getout.”

“No.”Hestoodhisground,andIcouldseeWilliam’spatiencerunningthin.“Idon’ttrustyoueither.

I’mnotgoingtoletyoubrainwashher,makemethebadguy,andrunoffintothesunsetwithmygirl.”

“Excuseme?”Hetookastepforward.

“Youhaven’tevenaskediftherumorsweretrue…”hechallenged.Ilookedbetweenthebothof

themandthenwonderedthesamethingmyself.

“Idon’thaveto…it’squitecleartheyare.”Williamlookedbackatme,shootingalookof

disappointment.Iswallowedinresponse,butthenrealizedIdidn’tcarewhathethoughtanymore.After

learningthetruth,andnowseeinghimthisway,mydecisionwasperfectlyclear.

“I’mnotyourgirl…”IsnappedatAlex,andthenturnedmyheadtoWilliam.“Whateveritisyou

wanttotalkabout,saveit.Yes,therumorsaretrue.BelievemewhenIsayIdidn’twantyoutofindout

thisway,butwhoeverisrunningthestorycouldn’thavepickedabettertime.”Isighed,defeated.“But

you’rebothfuckingliars.I’mgrabbingmyshitandleaving.”

IturnedtosteparoundWilliam,buthecaughtmyarm,forcingmetolookupathim.“Youaren’t

goinganywhere,Mackenzie.We’retalkingaboutthis.”Hiseyeswereintenseashestareddownatme,his

lipsinafirmline.“Wecanworkthisout.MyPRisalreadyworkingondamagecontrol.Thestorywillgo

awaybynextweek.”

Ilookeddownathisfirmgriponme,andthenblinkedbackupathim.“Whodoyouplantopayoff

thistime?”

“What?”

“Youheardme…”

HeglancedbackatAlex,whowasmorethanlikelyflashingashit-eatinggrin,thenbackdownat

me.“Whateverhe’stoldyouisalie.”

IheardAlexscoffadeepthroatylaugh.

“Itdoesn’tmatter,William.Theengagementisover…”Irippedmyarmfromhisgripandwalked

off,butonceagain,hefollowedme.

“Likehellitis!”

Ispunaroundquickly,makinghimbumprightintome.Ituggedonmyleftringfinger,freeingtherock

Ihadbeenwearingforthepastyear.“You’renotthemanIthoughtyouwere.Andapparently,Ican’tbe

thewomanyouwant.”Ihelditoutbetweenmyfingers,waitingforhimtoreachforit,buthedidn’t.SoI

bentdownandsetitonthetableinstead.

“Whyareyoubeingsostubborn,Mackenzie?”hegrowled.“I’mwillingtotakeyoubackafteryou

hadanaffairwithmyson,andnowyou’reendingourengagement?”

“Don’tyougetit?”Ishookmyheadathim.“Idon’twantyoutotakemeback!Ourentire

relationshipisalie.Iknownothingaboutyou.Yourliferevolvesaroundyourcareer,andI’mjustaside

dishinyoureight-coursemeal.”

“Youcan’tpossiblythinkthat’strue.I’vegivenyoueverythingIknowhowtogive…”

Ishrugged,pushingbackthetears.“I’lladmitIdidn’trealizeitatfirst,butnowthatIhave,Ican’t

continuetolivelikethis.It’snotfairtomeandit’snotfairtoyou.Thisjustwasn’tmeanttohappen.”

Istartedwalkingawayagain,butWilliamfirmlysqueezedmywristandturnedmearoundtoface

him.Hepulledmetowardhim,muchmoreaggressivelythanIhadeverseenhimbefore.Thiswas

definitelynottheWilliamIthoughtIwasmarrying.“Iwon’tacceptthat,Mackenzie.”Hisfacetensedand

hiseyesturnedcold.“You’remyfiancée,andI’mnotlettingyouleave.”

IsawAlexwalkupfrombehindhimjustasIyankedmywristoutofhisgrip.“Whatisitwithyou

Lancasters?Youaresousedtogettingyourwaythatyoucan’tevenfathomsomeonedisagreeingwith

you?Well,newsflash…I.AM.DONE.Idon’tneedliarsinmylife…I’vehadenoughofthatgrowingup.”

“Ineverlied,Mac…notonce,”Alexintervened,standingcloser.

“Oh,really?Whydon’tyoutellyourdadhowyoumetmeattheclubonenight…whydon’tyoutell

himhowyouknewitwasmeandhowyoupurposelytookmetoyourhotelsuite.Andwhileyou’reatit,

whydon’tyoutryandconvincemethatIwasn’tjustarevengelaytogetbackatyourDad…”Butbefore

hecouldgetawordin,IturnedtoWilliamandyelledinhisface,“Andwhydon’tyoutellmewhat

actuallyhappenedtoyourlatewife?Andwhatelsehaveyoucovereduporliedaboutto‘protectyour

image’?C’mon…enlightenme!”Iyelledatbothofthem,adrenalinefuelingthecouragetofightback.

Williamhadmefooledallalong…everythingabouthimwasalie.“Itrustedyou,”Ihissedathim.“I

trustedyouandyoumadeafoolofme.”Icouldn’tstopthetearsfrompouringout;thethoughtofme

almostmarryingamanIhardlyknewmademesick.“Well,wishgranted…”

ChapterTwenty-Five

OnceIfeltcontentyellingatAlexandWilliam,Igrabbedmypurseandstormedout,warningbothofthem

tonotfollowme.ItremainedsilentuntilIslammedthedoorbehindme,realizationsurfacingthatIhad

nowheretogo.

IimmediatelygrabbedmyphonetocallStaci,butIknewshe’dbebusyworking.Idecidedtocall

anyway,hopingshe’dpickupandletmecrashwithher.

ThesecondIsteppedoutside,reportersstartedscreamingandflashingtheircamerasatme.

“Mackenzie!Mackenzie!Aretherumorstrue?AreyouhavinganaffairwithAlexanderLancaster?”

“Ohmygod…”Itriednottopanic,buttheywerebarelygivingmeenoughroomtobreathe.“No

comment!”Iscreamedback,pushingmywaythrough.Howdidtheythinkthatwasgoingtogetmetotalk?

God…theywererelentless.

“Mackenzie!”Morescreams.“What’syourrelationshipwithMr.Lancaster’sson?”

Ipushedthrough,needingspacetofindacab.Ineededoutofhere.Anywhere.

“Mac!Mac!”Iheardadeep,hurriedvoice.

IspunaroundtoAlexrunningtowardme.Great.

Themomenttheynoticedhim,theyenclosedusinacirclewiththeircamerasandflashinglights,

makingitimpossibletothink,impossibletogetaway.Iheldmyarmsup,bracingmyself.“Alexander!”

theyscreamedashereachedwhereIwas.

“C’mon…let’sgetoutofhere.”Hegrabbedmyarmandpulledmewithhimtowardacab.

“I’mnotgoinganywherewithyou,”Imumbled,butrightnow,IknewIdidn’thavemuchofachoice.

Hesqueezedmyarmharder,warningmenottoarguewithhim.Iknewthemoreexposureinpublicwe

had,themorethemediawouldspreadrumors.“Fine…”Iagreedwhenheopenedthedoorandpushedme

inside.ImovedallthewayovertotheothersideandrambledoffStaci’saddressbeforeAlexcouldshut

thedoor.

“No…takeustotheFourSeasonsonFifty-seventh,”hedirectedtothedriver.HetookoffbeforeI

couldspeakup.

“I’mnotstayingatahotel!Ican’taffordthat,”Ihissed,movingawayfromhim.Ihadasavings

account,butthelastthingIwantedtodowasblowitonaseven-hundreddollaranighthotelroom.

“Youneedtobesomewheresafe,”wasallheofferedback.

“Well,I’llgobrokestayingthere.I’llbefineatStaci’s.”

“Youaren’tpayingforit.Andyouarestayingthere.Thosereportersareprobablygoingtofollowus

andfollowyouwhereveryougo,soyou’llneedtostaysomewherewithsecurity.Theywon’tbeableto

botheryouonceyou’reinside.”

Althoughhewasright,Ihatedagreeingwithhim.Iwantedtohithim,screamathim,butIjust

continuedsittingtherestaringoutofthewindow.Icouldn’tbelievethiswashappening…whothehellat

theeventwouldtalktothepress?

“Mac…”

“Notnow,”Ishotbackbeforehecouldcontinue.Wearrivedatthehotelshortlyafter.Ihadnothing

withmeexceptmypurse,soI’dhavetoaskStacitobringmesomeofherclothesandothernecessitiesup

tomelateron.Ifeltbadforgettingherinvolvedonceagain,butIknewshewouldhelpme.

AlexpaidforthecabandstartedtogetoutbeforeIstoppedhim.“Wait…won’titlookbadifwe

bothgoinahoteltogether?Imean,Icancheckinbymyself.I’llbefine.”

“Ireallydon’tcarewhatitlookslike,Mac.Itoldyouthatalready.Keepingyousafeissomething

I’mmuchmoreconcernedaboutthanwhatsomestupidnewspapersays.”

Inoddedinresponseandlethimrushusinsidebeforethereporterscouldcatchupwithus.He

checkedmeinandhandedmethekey.“C’mon…Imadesureyouhadagoodview.”

“Really?Youthinkit’stheviewI’mworriedabout?”Wewalkedaroundtotheelevatorsandhitthe

callbutton.

“No.”

“Well,thanks…butIcould’vestayedatStaci’s…”Ipressedagain,butIknewitwasworthless.He

was‘in-charge’AlexandnothingIsaidwouldchangehismind.

“Canwepleasetalk?”heaskedaswesteppedintotheelevatorandpressedthebuttonforthethirty-

seventhfloor.

“It’snotgoingtochangeanything.”Istoodinthecornerbehindhim.

Oncethedoorsclosed,heturnedaroundandstaredatme,intenseandcontrolled.“Ididn’tknow

whoyouwere…whenIfirstsawyouthatnightattheclub—Ididn’tknow.”

“You’relying.”

“I’mnot,”heurged,hisvoicestrained.“Iswear.Ididn’tknow.”

Iswallowed,wishingIcouldbelievehim,butIwasn’tsure.Icouldhardlythinkwithhimthisclose

tome.“Thenwhen?”Iwhispered.“Whendidyouknow?”

Heblinked,takingastepcloser.Iwatchedasthemusclesinhisupperarmsshiftedandhishand

cameuptoreachforme.“Thenextmorning.That’swhenIrecognizedyou.I’dseenpicturesofyouonline

anditjusthadn’tclickeduntilyouwokeupinmybed.”

Istaredathim,unmovingandbarelyabletobreathe.Ifhewastellingthetruth,thenwhydidIstill

feelsicktomystomachaboutit?

“Thenwhydidn’tyoutellmethen?Whydidn’tyousaysomething?”

“Ihadthoughtaboutit,butIdon’tknow…Ilikedyou,Mac.Alot.IknewifItoldyoufirst,I’dnever

havethechancetoproveyouwrongaboutWilliam.Iknewyoudidn’tbelongwithhimthemomentI

figuredoutwhoyouwere.”

AsIlethiswordssoakin,itallstartedtomakesense.HimgivingmethatnoteasIwasleavinghis

suite,himoverlycalmwhenwefinallycamefacetofaceatdinneraweeklater…heknewwe’dbe

meetinginpersonsoon.Heknewwe’dbemeetinginfrontofWilliam…

“That’swhyyoudidn’tcall…”Isaid,mostlytomyself.Myeyesburnedintothewallbehindhimas

Italkeditout.“Ifyouweresointerested,youwould’vecalledthatweek…Imean,youhadmynumber

afterIcalledaboutmyring.Youknewwe’dbeforcedtoofficiallymeet…youknewwe’dbeliving

together…youkneweverything.”

“Mac…justlisten…”

“Youhaddaystotellme,Alex…thatwholeweekbeforedinner…thefourweeksafterthat.”Ifinally

blinkedandlookedathim.“Whydidn’tyousaysomething?Youlied.Youleftmeinthedark…youmade

mebelieveyouwerehonest.”

“I’vebeencompletelyhonestwithyou,Mac.Ididn’tknowitwasyouthatnight,andonceIrealized

it,yeah—Ididn’ttellyou—butthatdoesn’tmeanIlied.”

“Youwithheldthetruth.It’sthesamething.”Iscowled.Theelevatorcametoastopanddinged,the

doorsslidingopenjustintime.“There’snopointinthisconversation.”Isteppedaroundhim,exitingthe

elevatorandheadingtowardmyroom.

“Mac…”Hefollowedmeout,walkingbehindmeasIsearchedformyroom.“You’vegottobelieve

me.”Icouldhearthedesperationandpaininhisvoice,butIdidn’tcare.Mybloodwasstillboiling,his

betrayalfuelingmythoughtsandactions.

“Idon’thavetobelieveanything,Alex.”Iquicklyspunaroundandfacedhim.“Youliedtome.You

knewIwasgoingtotellWilliamaboutusandyoustilldidn’ttellmethetruth.Sogivemeonereasonwhy

Ishouldbelieveawordyousay?”Ichallenged,keepingmyeyeslockedonhis.

“BecauseI’veshownyouoverandoverhowmuchIcareaboutyou…I’veopenedmyselfuptoyou,

can’tyouseethat?Haveyouseenmebringanyotherwomanover?Orevenmentionotherwomen?”I

swallowedattheintensityofhiseyesandface.Hesteppedcloser.“No,becausetherewasnoreasonto.I

didn’twantanyoneelse,Mac.Iwantyou.Idon’tknowhowelsetomakethatperfectlyclear.”

Isnorted,huffingoutanamusedlaugh.“Callingmeafoxand‘hotterinperson’isreasonenoughto

believeyou’rejustasfakeasyourfather.”Beforehecouldstopme,Ispunbackaroundandwalkedthe

restofthewaytomyroom.

JustasIwasshuttingthedoorbehindme,hestoppeditwithhisfootandstareddownatme.He

lookeddefeated,broken.Icouldn’tgetmyemotionsincheck,notwhenIwasaroundhimanyway.My

heartached,wantingtowrapmyarmsaroundhimandtellhimitwouldallbeokay,thatIcouldforgive

him,thatmyfeelingswerejustasstrongashiswere,butmyheadwastoostubborn.I’vedealtwith

complicatedformostofmylife.I’vesufferedfromdisappointments,lies,andfalsehope.Thatwaswhy

WilliamandIweresocompatible.Hewasn’tmulti-layered.Itwaseasy.Ourrelationshipwassimpleand

it’swhatmadeuswork.

HadIknownitwasallbasedonlies…Iwould’vewalkedawaysooner.

Butbetterlatethannever,Ithought.Icouldn’tletmyselfgetinvolvedwithsomeonelikethatagain.

“What?”Iasked,pushingmyfeelingsforhimaway.

Heswallowedandlookedatmegenuinely.“I’llsendsomeonetobringupyourthings.Don’tanswer

thedoorforanyonebutroomserviceorme.AnsweryourphonewhenIcall.”

Iblinked.“Anythingelse?”

Hestaredatmeforalongmomentbeforespeakingup.“Youwereneverarevengelay,Mac.Never.”

Ididn’tknowhowtorespond.Iwasalwaysvulnerablearoundhimbutrightnow,Ineededtostay

focused.Myentirelifewaschanging,andIneededtomakeaplanonhowIwasgoingtogetthroughthis

alone.

“I’mgoingtotakeabath,”Isaidquietly.“CallmewhenIcanexpectmythingstobedelivered.”

“Iwill.”Istartedtoshutthedoor,buthehelditopenandcontinued,“RememberwhatIsaid.”

“Yes,Iwill.”Isighed.Iwatchedashereleasedthedoor.Ibreathedoutinrelief,finallyleftaloneto

getmyheadbacktogether—figureoutwhatmynextstepwouldbe.

AFTERTAKINGAlong,hotbath,Ilayonthebedlookingoutthroughthelargefloor-to-ceiling

windows.MyphonewasblowingupwithtextsandvoicemailsfromStaci,Chelsea,andBrittainy.I

didn’thavetheenergytoexplaineverythingtoallofthemrightnow,soIonlyplannedtocallStacifor

now.

“Ohmygod!Pleasetellmeyou’reokay?”sheansweredonthefirstring.

Isighedinrelieffromhearinghervoice.“I’mokay.”

“Thankgod…shit,Mac.Whatthehellhappened?”

“I’mstayingattheFourSeasons.Alexbroughtmehere.William’sacompleteassholeandliar.

Someoneattheeventspoketoreportersaboutus,”Ibreathedout.“That’saboutit,inanutshell.”

“How…Imean,howcouldanyoneknow?”

“Itwasallbasedonspeculation,fromthepicturesattheeventofAlexandIwalkingintogetherand

beingseennexttoeachotherallnight.Itwasafabricatedstoryontheirend,but…itwastrue.Isleptwith

him.IwasreadytotellWilliambeforeeverythingblewupinmyface.”Iswallowed,exhalingslowly

beforeIcontinued.“HeoverheardAlexandmefighting.Hedidn’tevencare,Stace,”Iexplainedsoftly.

“Heonlycaredhowitwouldaffecthisimage.”

“Ohmygod,Mac…I’msosorry.”

Ishruggedalthoughshecouldn’tseeme.“It’sover.Williamwasn’tthemanIthoughthewasand

AlexliedaboutknowingwhoIwasbeforewemetatdinnerthatnight.”

“Heknew?”

“Yup…”Isaid,exaggeratingthep.“Hesaidherealizeditwasmethemorningafter.Thenhetold

meWilliampayspeopleofftokeeptheirmouthsshut—tokeephisreputationclean—andthathislate

wifedidn’tdiefromcancer.”Iletoutalongbreath.“Everythingwasalie.”

“Holyshit…”shebreathedout.

“Mythoughtsexactly.”EvenIwasstilltryingtowrapmybrainaroundit.

“Areyousureyou’reokay?”sheaskedsoftly.“That’salottotakein.”

Irolledoveronmyside,staringattheplain,cream-coloredwall.“Idon’tknow,”Isaidhonestly.“I

needafewdays.”

Shesighedinresponse.“I’msosorry.Ifyouneedme,call!I’llberightthere.”

“Iknow.”Ismiled.“Youalwaysare.”

Afterhangingup,Icurledmybodyintoaballandsunkintotheoversizedcomforter.Ineededto

clearmymind,erasethisday.Ijustwantedtosleep.Sleepitallaway.

ChapterTwenty-Six

Iwokeuptoacompletelydarkroom.Thesunhadsetandcoveredtheskyadarkblue.Ittookmeaminute

torememberwhereIwas,butthenIfeltthecoolcomforteragainstmeandremembered.

Iwasinahotelroom,alone.

Aknockonthedoorstartledme,makingmejumpupintoasittingposition.Ilookedattheclockand

sawitwaspastnine.Ihadsleptmostofthedayandhadn’treallyeateneither.Iturnedonthelightand

slowlymademywayacrosstheroom.AnotherknockcamebeforeIcouldanswerit.

“Whoisit?”

“Concierge,ma’am.Ihaveyourluggage.Ilookedthroughthepeepholeandsawasuitedman

standingnexttoacartwithmyLouisVuittonsuitcases.Iunlockedthedoorandlethimin.“Evening,

ma’am.Wherewouldyoulikemetoputyourbags?”

Ipointedtotheothersideofmybed.“Overthereisfine,thankyou.”Iwatchedashegrabbedtwoof

mybagsandplacedthemonthefloor.Hewalkedbacktothecartandgrabbedthelastone,puttingitnext

totheothertwo.Justasheturnedaround,IrealizedIdidn’thaveanycashonmetotiphim.“Crap,I’mso

sorry.Idon’thaveanymoney—”

“Oh,noworries,ma’am.It’sbeentakencareof.”Hesmiledandbeganwalkingtowardthedoor.

“Oh…okay.Well,thankyou.”Iwalkedhimtothedoorandsawhimout.Ilookedaroundthequiet

room,feelingaloneandscaredandreallyunsureofwhattodonext.IknewIneededsometime.Timeto

figurethisout.Timetofiguremyselfout.Timetoreallycometotermswithhowmuchmylifewas

changing.

IgrabbedmyphoneandsawthatAlexhadmessagedmeahalfhouragolettingmeknowmythings

werebeingdelivered.Isenthimaquicktextbackthankinghim.AsmuchasIwasupsetwithhim,I

couldn’thelpbutappreciatehowhealwayscametomyrescue.Still—itdidn’tchangeanythingforme.

Mytrustforhimwasgone.

IORDEREDROOMserviceandfellasleepwatchingshittyinfomercials.IwokeupSaturdaymorning

sometimebeforethesunrisingandthemoonfading.Ihadnoenergytodoanythingbutcry.Cryforthe

mistakesI’vemade,cryforthelifeIwasleavingbehind,crybecauseIdidn’tknowwhatelsetodo.

Thislastmonth’sbeenemotionallyandmentallydraining.Icouldn’tevengraspwhatmynextstep

wasrightnow.IknewIneededtomakeplanstomove,tocancelalltheweddingarrangements,toendall

tieswiththeLancasters—butIdidn’tevenknowwheretostart.

Knowingpeoplewerereadingthearticleaboutme—aboutmypersonallifeandtheassumptions

theyhadbroadcasted—mademesick.Iwashumiliatedandhadnoonetoblamebutmyself.

IclickedthroughtheTVchannels,notfindinganythingtokeepmyinterestlongenoughtohelpme

forget.Iendedupturningitoffandsinkingbackintothecovers.Iwasn’treadytofaceanyoneoranything

yet.

Iwokeuptoaknockonthedoor.Thesunwasfullyshiningthroughtheblinds,capturingmyattention

ontheclock.3:39p.m.

Shit.Isleptallday.

Theknockcameagain,remindingmewhyIwokeupinthefirstplace.Ithrewthecoversoffand

walkedthroughthebedroomareaandintothelivingspace.“Whoisit?”Icalledout.

“Roomservice,ma’am.”

Inarrowedmybrowsinconfusion,knowingIhadn’torderedanything.Ipeekedthroughtheholeand

sawawaiterwithacartoffood.“Ididn’torderanyfood,”Isaidthroughthedoor.

“Itwasorderedonyourbehalf,ma’am.Eggs,bacon,toastwithjelly,andpancakes.Butterandsyrup

ontheside.”

Isuckedinmylowerlip,hesitantatfirst,butthenopenedthedoor.“Whoorderedit?”Iasked,butI

alreadyknew.

“AMr.AlexanderLancaster,ma’am.”Hesmiledinreturned.

Itookastepbackandlethimwheelthecartintotheroom.Hetookthecoversofftheplattersand

toldmetoenjoy.Ithankedhimandwalkedhimout.

Thefoodsmelledamazing,thearomaofmapleandbaconcapturingmysenses.Igrabbedmyphone

andturnediton,noticingatextfromAlex.Youneedtoeat.

Irolledthecarttomysideofthebedandsatdown,puttingaplateonmylapasIshovedapieceof

baconinmymouth.

HowdoyouknowIhaven’t?Itextedback.Iforkedsomescrambledeggsandlayereditonmytoast.

AnewtextcameinjustasIfinishedtheentirepiece.

BecauseIcalledandcheckedyourroomservicehistory.

Iwasn’tsureifIfeltirritatedorhappyhewascheckinguponme.Iwantedtobemadathim,hate

him.IwasupsetthatheknewIwasgoingtoconfesseverythingtoWilliamwhileknowinghehadliedto

me.IwasupsetwithWilliamforlyingtomeabouteverything—aboutourentirerelationship,thinkinghe

wasonepersonandturningouttobecompletelysomeoneIdidn’trecognize.Andmostly,Iwasupsetwith

myself.

Well,youcanstopcheckinguponme.I’mabiggirl,Idecidedtotextback.Ineededtodothison

myown,withoutmyheartgettingintheway.Ineededtopickupthepiecesofmylifeandsomehowput

thembacktogether.

Ican’tstop,Mac.Letmecomeseeyou.Please,heresponded.Iplacedmyplatebackuponthe

cart,suddenlylosingmyappetiteatthethoughtofAlex’spleadingvoice.Iknewwhatthatvoicesounded

like,whathisfacelookedlikewhilesayingit.Hewasintimidating,demanding,andbossyashell.Buthe

hadavulnerablesidetohim.Thesidethathadmademefallforhiminthefirstplace.

Ican’tdothisrightnow.Ihitsendandturnedmyphoneoff.Iwasn’treadytodealwithanything.

ChapterTwenty-Seven

Istayedinbedtherestofthenightswitchingbetweendozingoffandcrying.ItwasthefirsttimeIreally

wishedIhadmymom.Throughoutallourstrugglesandtheletdowns,myheartwasbreaking,mylifewas

turningupsidedown,andsometimes,agirljustwantedhermom.

ButIdidn’thaveamom.

Thehotelphonerang,startlingmefrommyself-inducedsleepcoma.Theclockflashed10:25a.m.,

andIknewIhadslepttheentirenightaway.Ireachedoverandgrabbedit.“Hello?”

“Goodmorning,ma’am.Wehaveawomanhererequestingtoseeyou,butthere’sbeenablockfor

allvisitorsonyouraccount.”

Awoman?“Whoisit?”

“AMissStaciMillard.”

“Oh…yes,youcansendherup.”

“Ofcourse,ma’am.”

“Thankyou.”

Ibracedmyselfforwhatwastocome.I’msureshehadcalledmeahundredtimessinceIhadturned

myphoneoff,butIjustwasn’tinthemoodforanyone’spity.Hell,Iwassickofmyown.

Fiveminuteslater,aknockonthedoorannouncedStaci’sarrival.Ipeekedthroughtheholejustin

caseandsawananxious,worriedStaciontheotherside.Iopeneditupslowly,waitingfortheambushof

questionsanddemands.

“Oh…my…god…”shedrewoutslowly.“Youlookawful.”

Iwavedmyarmout,motioningforhertocomein.“Well,byallmeans,comeonin.”

“Sorry,”shesaid,curlingherlip.“Ijustmean…”

“Iknowwhatyoumean.”Ishutthedoorbehindher.“I’mamess.”

“Well…”Sheshruggedhershoulders.“That’swhyI’mhere!”Shewrappedherarmsaroundmeand

engulfedmeabigbearhug.

Ipulledmyarmsaroundherandhuggedherback.“Youdidn’tneedtocome,”Ioffered,pulling

away.“There’snotmuchanyonecandoanyway.”

Shelookedatmealmostoffended.“I’vebeencallingandtextingyounonstop.Iwasworried.”

“I’msorry.”Ishrugged,defeated.

“I’monlyheretobewithyou,Mac,”sheexplained.“Forthesupport,tohelpyouforget,tohelpyou

makeplans,whateveryouneed.”

Iwalkedbackintothebedroomareaandsatdown,pattingthespotnexttomesoshe’djoinme.“I

don’tknowwhattodo,Stace.Imean,Iknowwhatneedstogetdone,Ijustdon’tknowifIhavethe

strengthtodoit.”

Shegrabbedmyhandandcovereditwithhers.“You’reoneofthestrongest,bravestpeopleIknow.

Youdon’tneedtodeciderightnow,butjustknow,youwillneedtodecideatsomepoint.”

“Iknow.”MyshouldersslumpedasIbroughtmykneestomychest.“Ifeellikeanidiot.I’mso

embarrassed,Stace.It’sonethingtohaverumorsspreadaboutyou,butit’sanentirelydifferentthingto

havethembetrue.Atleastpeoplecanspeculateandassume,pointingtheirfingersandpassing

judgments.”Ifocusedonthewallinfrontofme,burningmyeyesintothetanned-coloredpaint.“Butthen

I’dbeabletoprovethemwrong,showupwithWilliamsomewhere,andbroadcastourlove,shutting

everyoneup.Butthis…Ican’tcoveritup.Theengagement’sover,I’llbemovingout,peoplewillknow.

They’llknowtherumorsweretrue.”

“Yeah,theywill.”Sheshruggedhershoulders.“Butwhocares?Attheendoftheday,it’syourlife.

Morestorieswillbewritten;moregossipandrumorswillbesaid.Infiveyears,itwon’tevenmatter.”

Iwrappedmyarmsaroundmykneesandbowedmyhead.“Well,itmattersnowthough.Ihatehow

peopleknowwhoIam,andthinktheycanwritestoriesaboutmeandmylife,andhowtheyevenpretend

tocarejusttomakemoneyoffme.”

“Youneverwantedtobeinthespotlightanyway,Mac.”Shesoothinglyrubbedherhandacrossmy

back.“Thisisagoodthing.They’llseethattheengagementisoffandit’llbetheendoftheircashcow.”

“Areyoucallingmeacow?”Ismirked,curlingmylipinamusement.

“I’llcallyouwhateverittakestomakeyousmile.”Shegrinned.

“You’resuchabitch.”

“ButI’myourfavoritebitch.”

Welaughedandsheleanedintohugme.Laughterfeltgood.ItwasthefirsttimeintwodaysthatI’d

beenabletoandhavingStacibymysidewasthebestcomfortIcould’veaskedfor.

“Anychanceyou’relookingforanewroommate?”

“Well…Iwasthinkingoffindingsomeonetosleeponmycouchanddirtyupmydishes.So,Iguess

you’reinluck!”Shesmirked,andIwrinkledmynoseather.“Ofcourse,”shesaidgenuinely,thenadded,

“Stayaslongasyouneed,okay?”

“Thanks,Stace.Iappreciatethat.”

WehungoutandwatchedTVtogether,doingnothingmuchatall.Itwasperfect.Ithelpeddistractme

andforawhile,Iforgotabouteverything.

IDIDN’TFORGETlongthough.AsIwalkedoutofthehotelMondaymorning,Iwasswarmedwith

camerasandpaparazzibombardingmewithquestionsandcomments.IcalledaheadoftimeforacabsoI

couldescapethemasfastaspossible.Acoupleofthehotelemployeespushedthemawayandyelledat

themtoleave,buttheyfollowedmeuntilIwasinthecabandfinallytookoff.

“That’ssomethingIcouldnevergetusedto,”thecabdriversurprisedmebysayingwhenwefinally

madeitasafedistanceaway.

Ibreathedoutandsunkdeeperintotheseat.“Yeah…youandmeboth.”Ileanedagainstthedoorand

closedmyeyes.Icandothis…Icandothis…

IhadnoideawhattoexpectonceIarrivedtowork.Ihadn’tspokentomybossorassistantoreven

checkedmyemail.Ihadeveryintentionofwalkinginandnotlettingmypersonallifeaffectmy

professionallife.

Ipaidthedriverandletmyselfout.Thesidewalkwascrowdedwithpeoplewalkingtowork,the

sunwasshiningbrightlyoverme,andtheairhadanicewarmbreezetoit.Yes,Icandothis.

Iwalkedintomyofficeconfidentlywithmyheadheldhigh.Iknewtheglancesandwhisperswere

aboutme,butIwasn’tgoingtoletthemgettome.Iwasheretofocusonwork.

“Mackenzie!”IcringedthesecondIheardLaura’shigh-pitchednail-scrapingvoice.“Myoffice.

Now!”

Idroppedmypurseonthedeskandadjustedmyshirtbeforewalkingthroughtheglassdoors.Her

officewasstunning,alwaysbrightandwelcoming—thecompleteoppositeofher.

“Yes?”Islowlyshutthedoorbehindmeandstoodinfrontofher,waitingforhertolectureand

probablyfireme.

Sheslammedanewspaperdownonherdesk,facingittowardme.ItwasanewarticleIhadn’teven

seenyet.Ireadtheheadline.‘NewYork’sFashionista,MackenzieHewittfromBoxyMagazine,caughtin

acheatingscandal!’Underneathitwasthesamepicturesfromtheinitialarticleandmoregossipwritten

belowthat.

Iwantedtodie.

Justkillme.Anything,IpleadedwithGod.Mycheeksheated,embarrassedandashamedofhaving

tostandinfrontofmyboss—someoneIlookeduptoimmensely—withmydirtylaundryairingforallto

see.

“Now…usuallyIsaythere’snosuchthingasbadpress—”Shestoodtallwithherarmscrossedand

herlegsparted.“—butthismaybemyexception.”

“Laura,Iamsosorry!”Icried.“Ihadnoideatheywererunningthatstory,noideawhytheyranthat

story,andIswear—I’dneverjeopardizethemagazine’sreputation.”

“Isittrue?”Herquestionstartledme.MyeyeswentwideasIlookedatherintenseglare.

“Partially,”Istated.“Atthetimetheytookthosepictures,no.”

Sheswallowed.“Isee.”

“Laura,please…IswearIwon’tletthisaffectmywork.I’llbefocusedonehundredpercent.”Iwas

beginningtopanic.Mypalmsweresweatingandmyheartwaspoundinginmychestatthethoughtof

gettingfired.

“Mackenzie,relax.”Hervoiceturnedsoft,buthereyesremainedtense.“Ijustwantedtoknowwhat

weweregettinginto.Iwillmakesureallemployeessignawaivertoprotectyourprivacy.”

“Really?”Igasped,onthevergeoftearsatherreassuringwords.“Ohmygod.Thankyou!”I

claspedmyhandsovermymouth,surprisedshedidn’ttellmetoleaveandnevercomeback.

“Buttheminutethisaffectsthequalityofyourwork,we’llbere-analyzingyourposition.”Shewas

backtoherstern,don’t-mess-with-metone.

Inoddedfranticallyincompleteunderstanding.“Yes,ofcourse.Youwon’thavetoworry,I

promise.”Igaveasmallsmileinreturn,confidentandreassuring,asshedismissedmefromheroffice.

Icouldbarelywaittogetbacktomydeskandgettowork.Ineededthedistraction.

“Goodmorning,”Chelseagreetedover-enthusiastically.Iwatchedasshesetherthingsdownand

walkedtowardme.

“Morning,”Isaidback,wonderingifshewasgoingtoaskmeabouttherumors,too.

“Howwasyourweekend?”sheasked,settingacupofcoffeedowninfrontofmeandsmiled.

Inarrowedmybrowsather.Shewasn’tthatdense,butperhapsshewaswaitingtoseeifIbroughtit

upfirst.

“I’vehadbetter,”wasallIofferedinreturn.Igrabbedthecoffeeandtookasip.“Howwasyours?”

“Busy.”Shesmiled.“Iemailedyouallofyourphonemessagesfromlastweek,includingtheones

fromtheNewYorkPost.”Iswallowedinreturn.Ihadn’tevenglancedatmyemailorcheckedmy

voicemailssincelastWednesday.“Also,theassignmentsIworkedonandtheonesduethisweek.”She

smiledonelasttimebeforeturningaroundandreturningtoherdesk.

“Thanks,”wasallIsaid.Iwasbehindonreturningblogcomments,settingupblogposts,and

checkingemails.Iwasn’tgoingtowastemytimeworryingaboutthenewspaperorwhatpeopleinmy

officewereprobablysayingaboutme.

Ipluggedmyheadphonesinandwenttowork.ThevoiceofAdamLevinehelpedkeepmecalmand

distractedmostoftheday.Bythetimeitwasreadytogo,Ihadn’tevenrealizedeighthourshadflownby.

“Mackenzie?”IheardChelseacalloutrightbeforeIwasabouttowalktotheelevator.

“Yeah?”

“Youhaveacall.”

“Fromwho?”Iasked,guarded.

“Mr.Lancaster.”

Iswallowednervously,knowingIhadtogetitoverwitheventually.“Okay,puthimthroughonmy

line,please.”

Isatbackdownatmydeskandanswered,“William…”

“Mackenzie,finally,”hebreathedoutinrelief.

“Whatisit?”

“Youneedtocomehome.Weneedtotalk.”

“We’lltalk,”Ireassuredhim.“Justnotnow.Ineedsometime.”

“Allright.I’mflyingoutTuesday.CanwemeetupFridaynight?”

Ofcourseheis.“Sure.I’llcomearoundseven.”

“Great.It’sbeenquitequietwithoutyouhere.”

IforcedthetearsbackasIheardthepaininhisvoice.Istilllovedhim.Iwouldalwayslovehim,

butIknewitwasn’tenough.“Iimagineithas,”wasallIcouldsayback.WesaidourgoodbyesandI

walkedawayfeelingsadandlonely.

AsIwalkedintotheoffice,InoticedpeoplehushingeverytimeIwentpastthem.Theyquietly

lookedatme—watchingme—asIexitedthebuilding.Itwasbadenoughitfeltasifmylifewere

crumblingbeforeme,butnowitwasonfulldisplayforeveryonetowatch.

ChapterTwenty-Eight

Ispenttherestoftheweekfeelingnumb,movingthroughthemotionsofmyroutine—goingtowork,

returningtothehotel,eatingdinner,andfallingasleeptotheTV.IemailedStacithroughoutthedayand

textedheratnight.Shekeptintouchwithme,takingmymindoffeverything,butIreallyknewshewas

justkeepingtabsonme.ItoldheraboutmeetingWilliamonFridayandthenwemadeplanstomoveme

inwithherovertheweekend.

“Mackenzie,lineoneforyou,”Chelseacalledout,pressingtheholdbutton.

IwasscreeningmycallsandbeingextracarefulofwhoIspokewith.“Whoisit?”

“It’sAlexanderLancaster,”sherepliedandthencontinued,“again.”Myheartdroppedintomy

stomachforthefourthtimethisweek.He’scalledmeeverydayatworksinceTuesdayandeverytime,

I’veavoidedit.

“TellhimI’minameeting.”

“Surething.”Shesmackedhergumandgrabbedthephone,tellinghimexactlywhatIhadsaid.

Icouldfeelherlookingatmeaftershehungup.“What?”

“He’sworriedaboutyou.”Heemailedmeonceyesterdayandthentextedmethismorning.I’ve

ignoredthemall.Iwasn’tsurehowtodealwithhimjustyet.

Mythroatswelledupatthethoughtofhearinghisvoiceagain.“Well,ifhecallsagain,youcanlet

himknowI’mjustfine.I’mbreathing,eating,andsleeping.There’snothingtoworryabout.”Istoodup

andgrabbedmythings.

“Doyouwanttotalkaboutit?”sheaskedsincerely.Shehadn’tmentioneditallweektome,butI

knewsheknew.

“No,butthanks.I’mallright,”Itriedtosayconvincingly.“I’llbefine,”Isaidagain.

“Okay,well,ifyoueverdo,I’mareallygoodlistener.”Shesmiledsincerelyatme,andIsmiled

back.

Ifinishedeverythingfrommissingworklastweekandeverythingforthisweek.I’dworkednonstop

tomakesureIcouldcatchupbeforetheweekend.IknewsayinggoodbyetoWilliamwasgoingtobe

hard,butIwasready.Iwasreadytotakemythingsandstartoveragain.I’vedoneitoncebeforeandI

knewIcoulddoitagain.

IWALKEDTHEfamiliarstepstotheapartment,feelingbothmisplacedandcomfortedatthesametime.

I’velivedhereforthepastyearandnowIwassayinggoodbyetoanotherconstantIhadbuiltformyself.I

thoughtWilliamwastheone,myforever,andnowitwasallcomingtoanend.

Iknockedonthedoorandanxiouslywaited.Iwasn’tsureIwasreadytoseeWilliamagain.

However,Ididn’tthinkI’deverbereadyafterseeinghisfacewhenheoverheardAlexandme.

Ijustneededtogetthisoverwith.

“Youdon’thavetoknock,”Williamsaidasheansweredthedoor.

Iswallowedatthesightofhim.Hewaswelldressedandgroomedasusual.Heworeatailoredgray

suitwithaturquoisetieandwhiteshirt.Hewasalwaysputtogether,evenaloneathome.

“Ididn’twanttojustassumeIcouldletmyselfin,”Iexplainedquietly,standingawkwardlyinfront

ofhim.

“Ofcourseyoucan.Thisisyourhome.”Hesteppedbackandwavedmein.Istayedquietashe

guidedustothekitchen.“Wouldyoulikeadrink?”

“Sure,waterisfine.”Itookaseatonthestoolbythebreakfastbar.Ineededspacebetweenus.

Hehandedmeabottleofwaterandgrabbedoneforhimself.“Didyouhavedinner?Icouldcallfor

something.”

“Oh,I’mfine.”Thiswassoawkward.

“Mackenzie…you’relookingatmelikeI’macriminalorsomething.You’retense.”

“I’mjustalittleuncomfortable.Alothashappenedinashortamountoftime.Ijustwanttogetthis

overwith,”Isaidhonestly.Betterheknewupfrontanyway.

“Youdon’thavetoleave.Infact,I’dratheryoudidn’t.”

Iunscrewedthetoptomywaterandtookasip.“That’snotanoption.I’mmovinginwithStaci.”

“Sojustlikethat?You’regoingtomoveout?”

“Youliedtome.Youaren’twhoIthoughtyouwere,andIcan’tbewhoyouwantmetobe.It’sfor

thebetter.”

“Ifthisisaboutmylatewife,Icanexplainthat.”

Itwouldn’tchangeanythingformenow,butitwouldn’thurttoknowthetruthatleast.“Okay,tell

me.”

Iwatchedasheleanedagainstthefridgeandfacedme.“You’llneedtosignanon-disclosure

agreementfirst.”

“What?”Igasped.

“It’stheonlyway,Mackenzie.”

“Iwasyourfiancéeandyouexpectmetosignaform?”

“Ifyouwanttoknow,then,yes,”herespondedfirmly.

Icouldn’tbelievethis.Iwasgoingtomarrythismanandhewasexpectingmetosignsomestupid

papersayingIwouldn’tleakittothepress?“Soyoudidn’ttrustme.Isthatit?That’swhyyouwouldn’t

tellme.”

Heswallowedandkepteyecontactwithme.Harshly,hereplied,“Idon’ttrustanyone,Mackenzie.

It’snothingpersonal.”

Iburstoutinlaughter.“Ican’tbelieveyou’reserious.”

“It’showthebusinessgoes.Ikeepmyprivatelifeprivateforobviousreasons.Lookwhathappens

whenyoudon’t…”

Iscowled.“Imayhavebeentheonetobreakupourrelationship,butyou’rethereasonI’mnot

fightingforit.Ican’tbeinarelationshipthat’sfilledwithsecrets,lies,andsigningNDAs.It’sjustnotfor

me.”

“Nothing’schanged.”

“You’reright.Idid.Ichanged.IsawpasttheblindersfinallyandrealizedIcouldneverbehappyin

thislifestyle.Yourshellisimpossiblyhardtobreak.Ican’tknowaboutyourlatewifeorwhyyourand

Alex’srelationshipwasrockytostartwith.Ibarelyknewyouatall.Soifyouaren’tgoingtotellme,then

there’snotmuchelsereallytosay.Wejustneedtocalltheweddingplannerandcanceleverything.I’ll

sendmoversheretomorrowtograbtherestofmythings,andwe’llhavenothingelsetyingustogether,”I

saidblankly.

“Ifthat’swhatyouwant.”

“It’stheonlyoption,William.”Icouldseetheemotionpouringfromhiseyeseventhoughhewas

tryingtohideit.“Forwhatit’sworth,I’mtrulysorrythingsendedthisway.I’msorryforbetrayingyou.

I’msorryitwasmadepublic.Iwishthingshadgoneadifferentway,butIthinkthisiswhat’sbestfor

bothofus.”

Heonlynoddedinresponse.Itookthatasmycuetoleave,soIplacedmybottleonthecounterand

slidoutofthechair.“Bye,William.”

“Goodbye,Mackenzie.”Hestartedwalkingoutofthekitchentowardhisofficewhenhepausedand

saidoverhisshoulder,“Ihopeyoufindtruehappiness.”Asmall,genuinesmileplayedonhislipsbefore

steppingout.

Iswallowedatthegenuinenessofhisvoicebeforeseeingmyselfoutfortheverylasttime.Ididn’t

plantocomeback.Staciwasmeetingthemovershereinthemorninganddirectingthemtoeverything

theyneededtotake.It’dbeeasierthatway.Justsaymyfinalgoodbyeandstartover.

Iwalkeddowntotheelevatorandpressedthecallbutton.Oncethedoorsslidopen,Isteppedinand

hitthelobbybutton.Therealizationmylifeherewasoverfinallyhitme.Tearsslowlyescapedandran

downmycheeks.WilliamandIsharedsomegreatmemoriesandapartofmewassadwe’dneverhave

themagain.There’dbeentimeswecouldn’twaittogetbackintotheapartmentandstartedmakingout

righthereintheelevator.Thoseweresomeofthebesttimeswehadsharedtogetherwhenhecouldn’tget

enoughofme.Butthatpartofmylifewasover.

Anditwastimetomoveforward.

ITHOUGHTABOUTAlextheentirecabridebacktothehotel.Hehadn’tleftmymindsince

everythingblewupinourfaces.AsmuchasIwantedtoforgethim,leaveitallbehind,Iknewitwasn’t

goingtobeeasy.Therewerestillalotofunansweredquestions,alotofbitternessbuiltupinside...and

regret.

Oncewearrivedatthehotel,Ipaidthedriverandsteppedout.Itookalookaround—thegorgeous

buildinginfrontofme,thesunalreadysetting,andthetappingofpeople’sshoesonthesidewalk.This

waswhatafreshstartlookedlike.Tomorrow,I’dbemovinginwithStaciandstartingover.

AsIwalkedtotheelevator,IthoughtaboutwhatfoodIwantedtoorderfordinner.Ihadonemore

nighthere,andIwantedtospenditeatingtakeoutandsoakinginahotbubblebath.IdecidedonChinese

asIrodetheelevatorbackuptomyroom.IsentaquicktexttoStacilettingherknowhownotwellmy

meetingwithWilliamwent.Iknewitwasforthebest.Apartofmefeltrelieveditendedthewayitdid.I

wasn’tproudofthemistakesIhadmade,butIwasgladIhadfoundoutthetruthabouthimbeforeitwas

toolate.

Mybodysunkintothelavenderscentedoilsasitmademefeelcompletelyrelaxedfromthehot

watercoveringmyskin.Iclosedmyeyesandletmymindwonder.Ithoughtaboutmymom.Aboutthings

wehadgonethroughtogetherandhowgrowingupthewayIdidhadmademeastrongerperson.Ithought

abouthowImetStaciatabarmyfirstweekmovingtothecity.Sheintriguedmewithherspunkyhairstyle

andenergeticpersonality.Shebecamemyrockandhelpedmemakethetransitiontobeingonmyown.

ShewasagoodfiveyearsolderthanIwas,butyouwouldn’tknowbylookingather.

IthoughtaboutAlexandhowIstillmissedhim.Memoriesofhimflashedthroughmymind—waking

upnexttohim,kissinghiminthekitchen,screamingandpushinghimaway.Heneveroncedoubtedhis

feelingsformewhenIdoubtedallofmine.

TherewerestillalotofthingsIneededtogetoffmychest,manythingsthatneededtobesaid,butI

wassure,oncethingscalmeddown,we’dbeabletotalkthemout.

Thatwasifhewasstillwillingtotalkthemoutwithme.I’vebeenpushinghimawayallweeklong,

andIwasn’tevensureIwasreadyforthatyet.

AssoonasIsteppedoutofthebath,myphonestartingringingwithStaci’snameflashingontop.

“Yes?”Ianswered,wrappingmybodyinatowel.“Didn’tyougetmytext?”

Sheignoredmyquestionassheasked,“Areyouawarethatyou’reflyingouttoarehabcenterthis

weekendforsexaddictiontreatment?”

Inearlychoked,droppingmyphoneintheprocess.

“Shit,”Imuttered,stumblingtopickitupwithmywethands.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“AresourceclosetotheLancasterfamilyhasconfirmedMs.Hewittwillbeenrollingherselfintoa

rehabclinicthisweekendtohelpwithheraddictiontosex.”Icouldtellshewasreadingsomethingby

howcontrolledhervoicesounded.“Ms.Hewitthasbeenstrugglingwiththisforthepastfewmonthsand

withherimpendingnuptials,agreedtogettreatment.”

Inarrowedmybrows,unsureifIshouldcryorlaughattheridiculousnessofthestory.“Thatisjust

insane.”

“Anyguesseswhothemoleisyet?”sheinquired.

Isnorted.“Someonewhoclearlydoesn’thavetheirfactsstraight.”

“Well,atleastthelastonewastrue.”

“Ha,ha.”Ifakelaughed.“Well,whoeveritismustbemakingaprettypennyfortheir‘impeccable

knowledge.’”

“Atleasttheygaveyouagoodaddictionthistime.I’dratherbeaddictedtosexthanheroine.”

Ilaughed,rememberingthestorytheyhaddoneonmeearlyon,abouthowIwasaddictedtodrugs

andsmugglingmoneyfromWilliam’scompanymoneytopayformyhabit.“Yeah,perhapsIshouldjust

movetoAntarctica.Atleastnoonewouldfollowmethere.”Igrinnedtomyself.

“Youneverknow.They’dprobablyhoundyouforhavingafaketanandwearingfauxfur.”

Isteppedintothebedroomareaandgrabbedsomeclothestochangeinto.Iplannedtowalkdown

thestreettotheChineseplaceonthecornerandcomingrightback.“Youalwaysknowhowtocheerme

up.”

“It’swhatIdo.”

Ilaughedagain,tryingtowedgethephonebetweenmyshoulderandearasIdressed.“Well,I’llsee

youtomorrowmorning.I’mgoingtoeatandcrash.”

“Allright.I’llcallwhenthemovershaveloadedupallofyourthings.”

“Shouldn’ttakelong.Ionlyhaveliketwopiecesoffurnitureandwhateverisleftinmycloset.”

“I’mnotsureyourshoecollectionisevengoingtofitintomyapartment.”

“We’llmakeitfit.”Ismiled,knowingshewasprobablyright.Ifinishedgettingdressedaswesaid

ourgoodbyes.Iquicklybrushedmyhairoutandputmyshoeson.Iwasreadytoeatandcrash.

IMADEITbacktothehotelinlessthanfifteenminutes.Iwasexhaustedandreadyforsomelow-key

R&R.

Beforethedoorstotheelevatorshut,Alex’sfacecameintoview.Whatthehellishedoinghere?

Mybodybecameparalyzedandmyheartpoundedinmychestashetookasteptowardmeandstopped

thedoorsfromslidingshut.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskedafteramomentofsilence.

“Imissyou,Mac.”

IpulledmylowerlipinbetweenmyteethtostopmyselffromtellinghimImissedhim,too.Iwanted

to,butIjustcouldn’tallowmyselftodoit.Notafterthewaythingshadended.

“Sorry…Ican’tsaythesame,”Ilied.Hiseyesburnedintomine,hurtandpainmirroringbackatme.

“Idon’tbelieveafuckingwordofthat,”heshotrightback,steppingtowardmeandpinningmeto

thewall.“You’rescared,Mac.AndIdon’tblameyouforit,butstoppushingmeaway.”

“Iwishitwasthateasy,Alex.”

Iclosedmyeyesashishandcuppedmyfaceandhebroughthislipsdowntomine.Ihesitantly

kissedhimback,fightingtheurgetowrapmyarmsaroundhimandpullhimcloser.

“Please,Mac.”Iheardthedesperationinhisvoiceashepulledbackslightly.“Ican’tstop.Myheart

can’tstopwantingyou.”Iknewexactlyhowhefelt.Myheartandmindhavebeenfightingforweeksover

him.

“Theheartwantswhatitwants…”Isaid,lookingupandseeingthepleadinglookinhiseyes.“Ijust

wishitdidn’twantyou.”

Heplacedbothofhishandsflatagainsttheelevatorwalloneachsideofmeandleanedhisforehead

againstmine,ourheavypantsmimickingeachother.“Don’tsaythat.Youcan’tmeanthat.”

Iswallowed,mymindspinningathousandmilesaminute.Iwasconstantlyfightingmyselfwithhow

muchIwantedhimandhowmuchIwishedthingsweredifferent.“Youhurtme,”Iexplained.“Ourentire

relationshipisbasedonlies.”

Heforcefullypushedhimselfoffthewallandtookastepback.Icouldseehisinternalstruggleashe

roughlybrushedahandthroughhishair,contemplatingwhattodonext.Hespunaroundandlookedatthe

doorsthathadshut,butwehadn’tmovedyet.

“Shekilledherself,”hefinallysaid,hisbacktomestill.

“What?”Igasped.

“ThatdayIcamehomeearly,sickfromschool.Thenannyfoundher.Shehadhungherself.Bythe

timeshegottoher,shewasalreadydead.Shecalled9-1-1immediately,butitwastoolate.”

“Ohmygod…”Iwhispered,claspingahandovermymouth.

Hefinallyspunaroundandlookedatme,hiseyesemptyashecontinued.“Dadpaidthemofftonot

fileareport.Hethenclaimedshehadbeenbattlingcancerandtheyhadn’tmadeitpublicbeforebecause

shewasgettingbetter.Hethenmadeupsomeelaboratelieabouthowitspreadquicklyandsheendedup

dyingfromkidneyfailure.”Iheardthewordshewassaying,buttheyweren’tabsorbing.Icouldn’t

believeWilliamwouldgothroughallthattroubletokeephiswife’ssuicideasecret.“Hewasashamed,”

headded.“Hewasworriedit’daffecthimnegativelyandpeoplewouldseehimasweakorafailure.He

madeeveryoneinvolvedsignanNDAandpaidthemtostayquiet.”

“Andnowheholdsitagainstyou…”Isaid,connectingitalltogetherfinally.“Spillitandtheregoes

yourtrustfund.”

Henodded.“There’dbeenothertimesgrowinguphehadmesignsomething,ensuringIkeptmy

mouthshutofalltheLancasterfamilysecrets.”

Ishookmyheadindisbelief.“Ican’tbelieveIboughtit.Hehadmecompletelyfooled.”Iwas

pissed—evenmorethanIwasbefore.However,theonlythingIcouldfocusonwashowgratefulIfelt

towardAlex.Hadhenotbargedhiswayintomylife,Iwould’vemarriedamanwhowasacomplete

strangertome.Alexsteppedinfrontofme,sadnessinhisfeaturesandeyesasherubbedahandupmy

coldarm.“Thankyou,”Ibegan.“Thankyoufortellingme.”

“Nomoresecrets,Mac.Nomorelies.Ipromise.”Iheardthesincerityinhisvoice.Butanagging

partofmejustcouldn’tletmyselfgivein.

“Ineedtogo…”

“Letmegowithyou.”

Ishookmyheadandlookeddown.“Ican’t.Notrightnow.”Iswallowedandlookedbackupathim.

“I’msorry.”

Theelevatordingedandstartedmoving.Ibracedmyselfagainstthewall,knowingsomeonewas

goingtobeenteringinjustamatterofseconds.

Heendedupwalkingmetomydoor.“I’mmovinginwithStacitomorrow.”

“Iknow.”

Ifidgetedwithmykey,fightingwithmyselfonwhattosaytohim.“Therumorsaren’tgoingtostop,

Alex.Whoeveristalkingwillkeepgoinguntiltheydestroyus.Thepressisnowobsessed,andit’sjust

notsomethingIthinkIcanhandleontopofeverythingelse.Justtohavesomeprivacy,we’dhavetokeep

everythingasecret,again.”

“Howmuchtimedoyouneed?”heasked,takingmeoffguard.Histonewasdeep,gravelly.“Tellme

howmuchtimeyouneedtoprocesseverything.”HeknewIwasn’tcomfortablebeinginthemedia.AndI

knewbeingwithhimorhavinganyinvolvementwiththeLancaster’swouldputmerightinthemiddleof

it.

“Idon’tknow…Idon’tknowhowtogetoverthispain.”IhatedthatIcouldn’tgivehimwhathewas

asking,thathewasrightinfrontofmebeggingmetowanthim,andallIcoulddowaspushhimaway.

Henoddedinunderstanding,takingastepcloserandcuppinghishandundermyjaw.“I’llwaitfor

you…butifyou’dletme,I’llspendtherestofmylifeprovingtoyouhowsorryIam.”Hiseyesburned

intomine,makingmyentirebodytenseupasanervousshiverrandownmyspine.“Please…don’tmake

mewaittoolong.”Myeyesclosedasheleanedinandbrushedhislipsgentlyovermine.Andwithout

anotherword,heturnedaroundandwalkedaway.

AssoonasIwentinside,Ipressedmybodyagainstthedoorandsunktothefloor.Icriedintomy

knees,myappetitecompletelygone.AllIwantedtodowastocrawlbackintomybedandsleepallthe

painandconfusionaway.

ChapterTwenty-Nine

“Sotellmeagainhowheshowedupatyourhotel—allreadyandwilling—andyoudidn’ttakehimback

toyourroomandfuckhisbrainsout?”

Iscowled,rollingmyeyesathowcrassStacicouldbe.“No…”Igrabbedanotherboxofclothes

andrippedthetopopen.Ihadn’ttoldherAlexshowedupuntilacoupledaysafterImovedinandshe

stillhadn’tletitgo.

“Andhe’sleftyouvoicemailmessageseverynightthisweekjusttosaygoodnightandthathewas

thinkingofyou?”

“Yup.”

“Andyouhaven’tcalledhimback?”Ifeltherscowlingatme.

“Nope.”Ididn’tdoubtthathemissedmeandasmallpartofmelovedhearinghisvoice,butIstill

wasn’tsureIcouldhandleeverythingthepresswouldthrowatus.

“You’vebeenmopingaroundheresinceyoumovedin,Mac.Youmisshim.”

“Stilldoesn’tchangeanything,”Isaidblankly.

“Normally,I’dgetwhereyou’recomingfrom,buttheengagementisover.Therumorshavealready

beenleaked.Youweren’tfired.Itsoundslikeafreshstarttome.”Sheshruggedhershoulders,bitinginto

herpretzelstickassheleanedupagainstthedoorframe.

“Eveniftheentire‘affair’wasbasedonlies,secrets,andoverallbetrayal?”

“That’swhyIsaidafreshstart,”sheemphasized,smirking.“Thedirtylaundryhasbeenairedout.

Sowhat’skeepingyoufromfinallyadmittingyoulovehim?”

Inearlychokedonherwords.“Idonotlovehim.”

Sherolledhereyesatme.“You’resodelusional,youknowthat?”

“Iamnot.Itwasinfatuation,”Iexplained.“HeshowedmetheattentionIwasn’tgettingfrom

William,makingmefeelspecialandneeded.Butattheendofitall,bothmenliedtome,andIbetrayed

theonemanIpromisedtomarry.That’snotexactlyalovestory.”Isnortedinprotest.

“Listen,Mac,”shesaid,grabbingafullboxofclothesandsittingontopofit.“Iknowyougrewup

inamuchdifferentandawfulcircumstance,butyourideaofloveissofar-fetchedit’slaughable.Things

aren’tmeanttobeperfect.Loveisn’tperfect.It’smessyandspontaneousandmostofthetime,youendup

wantingtokilleachother,butthat’swhatmakesitwork.Relationshipsareallunique.Sometimesthey

workandsometimesthey’redestinedtofailfromthestart,butwhatyouandAlexhave…”shepaused,

herexpressiongenuineasshecontinued,“Mac,that’sreal.He’scontinuouslythereforyou.Heliedabout

onetinydetail,which,ifyouthinkaboutit,isprettyreasonableconsideringthepositionhewasin.”

“Hestillshould’vetoldme.”

“Yeah…andyoushould’vetoldWilliamalotsooner.Butyoudidn’t.”

Iknewshewasright.Iwasbeingahypocrite.Iwasn’tperfectandmademistakes,andIwaspushing

Alexawayforthesameexactreasons.

Ileanedbackedonthebed,mybackfallingflatagainstthemattress.“Soyou’resayingImadeahuge

mistakebylettinghimwalkaway?”

“Yes…”shesaidgenuinely.“Butifit’stimeyouneed,thentakeit.Idon’tdoubtAlexwillwaitfor

you.”

Isighed.Iknewshewasright,butIwasscared.“Ijustendedalong-termengagement,”Istartedto

explain,“andnotexactlyongoodterms.Clearly,IhavenoideawhatI’mdoingwhenitcomesto

relationships.”

“Idon’tthinkanyoneknowswhatthey’redoing,Mac.Highdivorceratesareproofweallstruggle

withit,butcanyoulivewithyourselfifyouletthefearkeepyouawayfromsomeoneyouknowyou’re

meanttobewith?”

Iturnedandnarrowedmybrowsather.“I’veknownhimforlikeaminute.Youhaven’tevenmet

him,sohowcanyoubesosureofthat?”

Shesmiledatme,hereyeswideandbrightwithamusement.“BecauseinthesevenyearsI’veknown

you—andIliketothinkIknowyoubetterthananyone—I’veneverseenyoucheckyourphoneasmuchas

youhavethisweek.AndbecauseduringyourentirerelationshipwithWilliam,I’veneverseenyourface

lightupwhenyoutalkedabouthimthewayitdoeswhenyoutalkaboutAlex.”Shepausedandher

expressionfell.“Alexgetsunderyourskin.Hepushesyourboundaries.Hetestsyourlimits.Hemakes

youfeel,Mac.Youfeelthingsforhimyou’veneverfeltforanyonebeforeanditscaresyou.Doyoureally

wanttoletthatgo?”

IclosedmyeyesasIletherwordssinkin.TimeslikethesewerewhenIwishedIhadamotherthe

most.Iwishwecould’vesataroundandtalkedaboutguysandlove.IwishIwould’vehadanideaabout

relationshipsbeforejumpingintoone.ButifbeingwithWilliamtaughtmeanything,ittaughtmeIwas

strongerthanIrealized.BeingpushedintothespotlightwasneversomethingIimaginedhaving,butit

helpedteachmealotaboutmyself.

“I’mgoingtofinishunpackingthisboxandheadtobed,”Isaid,sittingbackup.Tomorrowwas

Thursday,butsinceBrittainy’sweddingwasthisweekend,IwastakingFridayoff.Whichmeant,Ihad

abouttwodays’worthofworktogetdoneinone.

Shewalkedoverandwrappedherarmsaroundme.“Iloveyou,Mac.Iwanttoseeyouhappy.”

“Iknow.”Ileanedintoher.“Iloveyou,too.”

Onceshewasgone,Ichangedandslippedintobed.MyheadwasspinningwiththoughtsofAlex—

whatwedidtogether—andhowmuchImissedhim.ButcouldIjustforgetallthatandmoveon?Or

wouldIforeverlivewiththeregretthatIletthebestthingthathadeverhappenedtomegetaway?

WORKKICKEDMYassalldayThursday.Ibarelyhadenoughtimetobreathe,butthefactI’dbe

watchingoneofmybestfriendsgetmarriedthisweekendhelpedgetmethroughitall.StaciandIwere

bothbridesmaidsandwouldbeinallthepre-weddingandpost-weddingduties.

“Riseandshine,buttercup!”Isaid,throwingapillowatStaci’sface.“Sleepisfortheweak.”

Shetossedthepillowfromherfaceandsatup,scrunchinghernoseatme.“Whoareyouandwhat

didyoudotomybestfriend?Youmightknowher…fivefootsix,longblondehair,perfectbody?”

“Areyoutryingtogetmeintobedwithyou?”Iwinked.“Andshe’srighthere.”

Shethrewthecoversoffherandstoodup,stretchingandyawning.“Youareoddlyperky.”

“Because,mylovelyfriend,thisweekendisgoingtobeepic.AndIdon’twanttomissaminuteof

it.”

“Hmm…”Shesquintedatme.“Isthisyoupretendingeverything’sfinewhendeepinsideit’snot?”

Ipointedafingeratherandscowled.“DonotDr.Philme.I’mjustdeterminedtohaveafuntime,

that’sall.Wehavemaniandpediappointmentstoday,thenthebridesmaid’sluncheonandtherehearsal

dinner.I’mgoingtoforgeteverythingandhaveagoodtimeforBritt’ssake.”

Shegrinned.“What?”Iasked.

“Sobasically,youmean…gettingdrunk.”

“Well,yeah.That’susuallyhowitworks.”Ismirked.

“Allright…”Sheshruggedplayfully.“I’mgameforbingedrinking.”

Webothhurriedtogetready.WeweremeetingBrittainyandtheothergirlsintheweddingpartyat

ninea.m.sharp.Wewalkedinandwereimmediatelygreetedwithchampagneandbagels.

“Breakfastofchampions,”Imocked,givingBrittainyahug.

“There’redonuts,too.”Shesmiledwide,giddyasever,andledustowherewe’dbegettingour

nailsdone.“ThisismyAuntWhitneyandmycousin,Gabby,”sheintroduced.“Mymotherissomewhere

aroundhere…”Sheleanedinandwhispered,“Probablyfindingmorealcohol.”

Theentiremorningwasfilledwithlaughs,oldstoriesofBrittainyinhighschoolandcollegeand

therapeuticgirltime.Bythetimewehadfinished,mostofuswerebuzzedandstarving.Ourlunch

reservationswerefortwelve-thirtyandluckily,wemadeitjustintime.

“So,Britt…whatareyoulookingforwardtothemostonyourweddingday?”Iaskedasweduginto

ourfood.

“Theweddingnightsex,”sheblurtedout,smiling.Hermothernearlychokedonherwine,andI

bustedoutinlaughter.“AndIplantohavealotofsex.”

Bythetimewefinishedeating,mostofuswerewalkingsidewaysoutoftherestaurant.Fortunately,

noneofushadtodrivesinceBrittainy’sparentsrentedusalimo,andweallrodebacktothechurch

together.Sincethere’saThursdaynightservice,wehadtowaituntiltodaytodecoratefortheceremony.

“Wow…”IbreathedoutasIsatacrossfromherinthelimo.“Ican’tbelieveyou’regetting

married.”

“Iknow!”shenearlyscreamed.“Ican’tbelieveiteither.Itfeelssurreal.”

“Well,enjoyit,”Stacichimedin.“It’sgoingtobethebestdayofyourlife.”

Alexenteredmymind,andItriedtopushhimout,butnomatterhowmuchalcoholIconsumed,I

couldn’t.Hisface.Hisvoice.Hislipsandhowtheyfeltonme.

Ipulledmyphoneoutandlookedagain.Hehadn’tleftmeavoicemaillastnight.Itwasstupidfor

caring,especiallysinceIhadn’tcalledhimbackfromhispreviousfivemessages,butthefactthathewas

leavingthemcomfortedme.

MaybeIwastoolate.

IBARELYHADenoughtimetorecoverfromtheFridayweddingeventsbeforewehadtogetupand

startpreppingforthewedding.Wespentmostofrehearsalgigglinganddrinkingaswewaitedforthe

groomtoshowup.Apparently,hewashavingalast-minutebachelorgatheringandhadtobedraggedout

ofthestripclub.

Thisfamilydranklikeapro.

Bythetimeourmakeupandhairweredone,itwastimetotakebridesmaidpictures.Brittainy

lookedabsolutelystunningandI’veneverseenherhappier.

“Youlooksobeautiful.”Ismiledashermomlockedhergrandmother’snecklacearoundherneck.It

washersomethingold.

“Youdo,too,Mac.”Shereachedoutandgrabbedmyhands.“Thankyouforbeinghere.Thankyou

forbeinginmyweddingandgettingmethroughthis.I’vebeensostressedoutabouteverything,itwas

nicetojustlaughandletlooseforafewhours.”

“Ofcourse.Iwouldn’tmissitforanything.”

“Allright,ladies.Weneedyououtsideforpicturesquick,”thephotographerannounced,pointingto

thedoor.

Wespentthenexthourposingforpictures.Iwatchedquietlynearbyasshetookseveralaloneand

thenwithherparents.Shelookedsohappy,sogorgeous.Ihadalmosteverythingpickedoutformy

wedding,includingmyweddingdress,andnowitwouldjustsit.Ihadnouseforitandthatthoughtmade

mesad.

PerhapsIjustwasn’tthemarryingkind.Ihadabsolutelynoexamplesofwhatamarriagewas

growingup,andIwasn’tevensureI’dbeanygoodatit.

Theweddingceremonywasabsolutelystunning.Icriedastheysaidtheirvowsandagainwhenthey

hadtheirfirstkiss.Hernewhusband,Oliver,wastheabsolutelybestguyintheworldforher,andIfelt

incrediblyblessedtowitnesstheirunion.

“Stopcrying.”Stacinudgedme,grabbingmyattention,asshehandedmeaglassofwine.

“I’mnotcryingbecauseI’msad,”Iexplained,grabbingtheglass.“I’mreallyhappyforher.”Shesat

downnexttomeaswewatchedthenewlywedsdancetotheirfirstsong.

“You’recryingbecauseyouweresupposedtohavethatandnowyouaren’t.”

“IalwaysthoughtWilliamwasitforme—thewholefairytale.ButIreallyjustwantedsomeonewho

gotme.Wholovedmeforallmybrokenpiecesandhelpedmebeabetterperson.WhenImetWilliam,I

forgotthat.Iforgotitbecausehewasneveraround.Andsomehow,inthemidstofourrelationship,Ijust

acceptedhewasn’t.”

“Youaren’tbroken,Mac.Weallhaveflaws,”shereassured.

Ishrugged,knowingshewaspartiallyright.Myheadfeltlikeatornadohadblownthroughit.I

wantedAlex,butIwasn’tcertainthedamagedonecouldberepaired.Ididn’tknowiftakingtheriskof

gettinghurtbyhimagainwassomethingI’dbeabletorecoverfromagain.

“Youmisshim.”Hervoicewassoft,genuine,andlow.

Inodded,sippingmychampagne.“Yes,”Iwhisperedjustloudenoughsoshecouldhearme.“So

muchthatit’sstartingtobephysicallypainfulfromhowmuchmychestacheswhenIthinkabouthim.”

“Youarethequeenofdenial,Mac,butyoucan’tdenyhowhemakesyoufeel.AndeventhoughI’ve

nevermethiminperson,Icantellbythewayyoutalkabouthimhejustisn’tgoingtositaroundandwait

foryoutomakeupyourmind.”Sheflashedmeaknowinggrin.

“Iknow…”Isaidharshly,keepingmyheaddown.

Shestayedsilentamomentbeforeasking,“I’mgoingtograbsomecake.Wantsome?”

“No,thanks.”Iforcedasmileinreturn.

Icontinuedsittingandfinishingtherestofmychampagnewhenthedancefloorclearedandthestart

ofHowDoILivecameonthroughthespeakers.Inarrowedmybrowsinconfusionandlookedaround,

wonderingwhereeveryonewasgoing.

MyheartthrobbedinmychestassoonasIsawAlexwalkingacrossthedancefloortowardme.He

lookedincredibleinasleek,blacktuxedo.Hishairwasperfectlystyledandhismouthlookeddelicious

asheflashedmehislegendaryshit-eatinggrin.Itfeltlikemybreathwasbeingsuckedoutofmethecloser

hegot.

Mybodytrembledwhenhestoodinfrontofmeandsmiled.“MayIhavethisdance?”Heputhis

handout,waitingformetograbit.Iglanceddowntopreventhimfromseeingthestupidgrinonmyface.I

tiltedmyfacetolookbackupathimandnodded.

Iplacedmyhandinhisandlethimguidemebacktothedancefloor.Myheartcontinuedtorace,my

bodyonfireatjustgettingtofeelhisskinagainstmyskin.Icouldn’tbelievehewasreallyhere.

Hespunaroundandpulledmetohischestashegraspedmyhand.Ilookedupathimashesmiled

downatme,thelookinhiseyesintenseandfilledwithlust.

“Youremembered,”Iwhispered.

“Rememberedwhat?”

“Thissong.”Ismiled.“Thatitwasmyfavoritepartofthemovie.”

“OfcourseIdid.”Hislipscurledup.“Iremembereverythingyou’vetoldme,Mac.Eventhethings

youhaven’ttoldme,butshowedme.I’dneverbeabletoforget.”Ismiledandlaymyheadagainsthis

chest.

Wecontinueddancinginsilencebeforehefinallyspokeup.“I’vebeenaskingmyselfthatsame

question…”

IpulledmybottomlipinbetweenmyteethasIcautiouslyasked,“Whatquestion?”

Ileanedbackandlookedathimasheflashedhiseyestowardthespeakersandthenblinkedback

downtome.“HowI’msupposedtolivewithoutyou.OrBreathe.OrSurvive.”Ifelthimtightenhishold

onme.“Allofit.”

IswallowedasIsawthepaininhisfeatures.“Andhaveyoucometoaconclusion?”Iaskedleery.

“Yes.”Hegrinnedandloweredhisfacetomine.“I’mnot.Irefuseto.”IblinkednervouslyasI

bowedmyhead.Hecuppedmyjawandbroughtmyeyesbackuptohim.“Ican’t,Mac.You’reitforme.

SincethemomentIheardyourlaugh,feltyourlips,knewwhatitwasliketoholdyou—Iknew.”

Heleanedin,pullingmychintowardhimandclosedthegapbetweenourmouths.Hislipsbrushed

againstmine,sendingshiversdownmyentirebodyashedeepenedthekiss,remindingmeexactlywhatI

wasmissing.

Iwrappedbotharmsaroundhisneck,pullinghimclosertome—ifthatwereevenpossible—and

sunkdeeperintohim.Hislipswerewarmandsoft,hisbodyagainstminemoldedperfectlytome,andI

wasanidiotforpushingthismanaway.

Hishandsonmylowerbackheldmefirmlyagainsthim.Heslowlybrokethekissbutkeptourfaces

closetogetherasheleanedhisforeheadagainstmine,minglinghisbreathwithmine.

“How’dyouknowIwashere?”Iasked,pullingbackslightlytolookathim.Ihadn’tevennoticeda

fewmorecoupleshadjoinedusonthedancefloor.

“Alittlebirdietoldme.”IlookedaroundandsawStacileaningupagainstthebarwithBritt.When

oureyesmet,shesmiledandwinkedatme.Ofcourse,shewasthemasterofdeception.

“Addingweddingcrashingtoyourresumenow?”Iteased.

“Whateverittook,”hesaidconfidently,leaningdownandkissingmegentlyonthelipsasthesong

ended.“ButI’mreadytogetthehelloutofherenow.”

ChapterThirty

Justasthesongended,hedraggedmeoffthedancefloorandledusintotheelevator,nearlyrippingmy

clothesoff.Iclungtohimforsupport,needinghimlikemynextbreath.Hismouthonmewashot,greedy.

Histastealonesentshiversdownmybody,heatingmyarousalforhimevendeeper.

“Yourememberwhatwedidintheelevatorthatfirstnight?”hegrowled,pullingbothofmyarmsup

overmyheadandwrappinghishandsaroundmywrists.“Yourememberhowmuchyoubeggedforit?”he

spokeunderhisbreathagainstmyear.

Iinhaleddeeply,desperateforhimtotouchmeandpanted,“Remindme.”Thosetwowhispered

wordsfueledthechallengeinhiseyes.Hepressedhishipsintomine,pinningmybodytothewall.His

mouthcoveredmine,greedilyandpassionatelyasourbodiesreunited.

Oneofhishandssliddownmybodyastheotherheldmywrists.IfelthimcupmybreastasI

moanedinhismouth,hiscockpressinghardagainstthefabricofmyclothes.Hislipsmoveddownmy

jawlineandlandedjustbelowmyearashewhispered,“Youbeggedmenottostop.Youbeggedforit

rightthereandnow.”

MyeyesflutteredclosedasIfelthishotbreathagainstthefleshofneck.Myentirebodytingledin

responseashepulledthelobeinbetweenhisteethandnippedit.

“AndIalmostgavein.”Ifelthislipscurlupinapanty-droppingsmirk.Iknewthatgrin—theone

thatmeantI’dbedoingalotmorethanbeggingtonight.Hishandwentundermydress,loopinghisfinger

inthefabricofmypantiesandmovingthemaside.Herubbedafingerovermyslitgently,circlingmyclit.

Imoanedinanticipation,mybodygreedyforit.

“Alex…”Ipleaded,archingdeeperintohim.Myheadfellagainstthewallashisfingerslowlybuilt

upthearousalinside.

“Letmehearyou,sweetheart.”Imoanedhisnameagain,cravinghiminsideme.“Louder.”

“Alex,please!”Hisfingertorturouslyrubbedagainstmeagain,slippinginandoutslowly.

“Youcriedoutsoloud,baby…youbeggedforit,andIlovedhearingeverysinglepleadingmoan.”

Hisvoicewentdeep,rough.

Igaspedashefinallypushedhisfingerindeepandhard,holdingmybodyinplacebyhiships.

BeforeIcouldbeghimnottostop,theelevatorsloweddownasitreachedourfloor.Ifeltanextreme

rushofdisappointmentwhenthedoorsflewopenandhereleasedhisholdonme.Igroaned,readytobeg

himalloveragain…

Hegrabbedmyhandandpulledmeagainsthim,walkingusthroughthehallway.Theenergybetween

uswaselectric,almostunbearableasIwaitedforhimtoswipethekey.Themomentthedoorshutbehind

us,hislipsandhandswerebackonmerippingbothofourclothesoff.

“Ineedtobesureyou’rereadyforthis,”hesaid,pinningmybackagainsthischest.Hishands

graspedmyshouldersasheleaneddownandwhisperedinmyear,“Thatwhenyouaskforitthistime,

there’snoturningback.Noregrets.”

“None,”Isaidabsolutelysure.“Iwantyou,Alex.”Ilookedovermyshoulderathimandcontinued,

“Ijustdidn’talwaysknowhowtoacceptit.”

“Andyoudonow?”Hislipscurledupinaknowinggrin.

“Yes,”Iwhimpered;eagerforhislipstotouchmeagain.“Tellmewhatyouwanttodowithme,”I

challenged.

Hespunmearoundandtiltedmychinuptohislips.“First…”hesaidagainstmymouth,pushingus

backward,“Iplantofuckyouagainstthiswall.”Mybodytrembledashislipsmoveddownmyjawline,

acrossmyneck,andfinallylandingovermyearashecontinued,“ThenIplantotasteyoufromheadto

toe.AsmanytimesasittakestosatisfytheneedI’vebeencravingforweeks.”

“God,yes…”Ipanted,tightlywrappingmyhandsaroundhisbiceps.Myheadfellbackashishands

grippedundermyassandpulledmylegsaroundhiswaist.Hepushedhishipsintome,lettingmefeel

howhardhewas.Ifeltmyarousalagainstthelengthofhim,achingdesperatelyforhimtobeinsideme.

“Alex…”Ibeggedashepressedhislipstomycollarboneandtorturouslymovedtheirwayupmyneck.

“Tellmewhatyouneed,baby…”hedemanded,slidinghishandsupmysidesandlandingundermy

breasts.

Iswallowedattheintensityofhisvoice,pantingharderashemovedhishandsupandrolledmy

nipplesinbetweenhisfingers.“Ineedyou.”

“Whoseareyou,sweetheart?Ineedtohearyousayit,”hedemanded,hislipsflushagainstmyear.I

couldfeelthetipofhiminbetweenmylegs,tauntingmeasIarchedmybodyintohim.

“Yours,Alex.Allyours.”

“You’vebeenmine,Mac.Youjustdidn’tknowit.Sotellme…tellmewhogetstofuckyou,

sweetheart?”

“You,Alex,”Ibreathedout.“Youdo.”Ishriekedwhenheloweredonehandandsqueezedmy

breast,palmingitroughlyandrollingthenipplebetweenhisfingersagain.

“Christ,Ilovewhenyoumakethatsound.”

“Whatsound?”Iasked,intrigued.

“It’samixtureofpainandpleasure…amoanfromdeepwithinyourthroatthat’smixedwithasoft

scream.It’sthehottestfuckingnoiseI’veeverheard.”Finally,hepushedinside,moldingustogetherand

givingmeexactlywhatIwasbeggingfor.

“Youfeelthat,sweetheart?”hewhisperedasIheldontohim.Ourbodieswerejoinedtogetherinthe

mostdeliciouswaypossible.

“Yes…”Ipanted.Imoanedhisnameoverandover,ashecontinuedworkingmybody,buildingup

theintensityasmylegstightened.

“Openyoureyes,Mac.Iwanttoseeyouwhenyoucome.”

Hesitantly,Iopenedthemandlookedathimashespedupthepace,goingdeeperandfasterand

takingmeovertheedge.IheldontightlyasIscreamedthroughit,begginghimnottostop.

“That’smygirl…”Hesmirked.“Putyourarmsaroundmyneck,”heordered.Hepushedusoffthe

wallandcarriedmeintothebedroomarea,settingmedownonthedesk.Hekneltdown,spreadingmy

legsapartandlookedupatme.“Don’tforgettohangon…”Hewinked,flashingawickedgrin.He

bowedhisheadandkissedupmythighuntilhereachedrightinbetweenmylegs.

Icouldn’thelpfistingmyfingersinhishair,pullingandsqueezingashelickedandsuckedmyclit.

HistongueworkedmeupuntilIcameinhismouth.Iwrappedmylegsaroundhisneckashepushedtwo

fingersinsideandcontinueddrivinginsidemeuntilIcameagain.

“WatchingyoucomeisthesexiestthingI’veeverseen…buttastingyouasyoucome,nothing

comparestothat.”Hekissedupmythighandstomach,landingonmybreastsashetookturnssuckingand

kissingbetweenthemboth.

Isquealedashepickedmeupandcarriedmeoutoftheroom.“Wherearewegoing?”Helookedat

meandwinked.Icouldfeelhimhardagainstmestill.“Icouldtakecareofthatforyou,”Itaunted.“ButI

needtobeonmyknees.”

“Patience,sweetheart.”

Hecarriedmeintothelargebathroomandsetmedownonthecounter,standinginbetweenmylegs.

“I’vewantedyouintheshowereversincethatfirsttimeIsawyournakedbodywetandbeggingforit…”

Hecuppedmyjawandkissedme,sweetandslow.Hebrokethekissandlookedintentlyatme.“Iwant

youtoknowsomething,Mac.”

Iwaspracticallypantingathowworkeduphewasgettingme,standingnakedinbetweenhislegs.I

suckedinmylowerlipinanticipationoftastinghiminbetweenmylips.“What’sthat?”Iaskedbringing

myeyesuptohissoIcouldstayfocused.

“ThatI’mcrazyinlovewithyou.”HesmiledandloweredhislipstomineashetookthebreathI

washoldingrightoutofme.“I’venevertoldanotherwomanthatbefore.You’vebrokendownmywalls

morethanyourealize.And...I’mneverlettingyougoagain.”

Ismiledupathim,completelytakenbackbyhiswords.“You’vedonemorethanjustbreakdownmy

walls,yousavedmefrommakingahugemistake,andtherearenowordstoexpresshowgratefulIamfor

you.”

“Well…”Hetracedhisfingerovermyjawline.“Thereareafewwordsthatcouldtellme…”

“Fuckme,please?”Imocked.

“Oh,Ididn’tknowyouwereafreakingcomedian.”Hethrewmyownwordsbackatmefromthat

firstmorning.

Ilaughedandgrabbedhisfaceinbothofmyhands,pullinghimcloser.“AlexanderLancaster,Idon’t

knowhowyoudidit,butyoumanagedtogetundermyskinlikenooneeverhas.Youmanagedtotestme

ateverylevelandcrosseverysingleboundarythatIhadset,butintheend,itmademerealizehow

insanelyinlovewithyouIam.AndnomatterhowmuchIpushedaway,youneverletmegofar.You

helpedmerealizelovewasmessy,spontaneous,andsometimesutterlyinconvenient.”Ismiled.“ButI

can’tsayI’dhaveitanyotherway.”

“Those…”hepausedbriefly,coveringmyhandswithhis,“arethemostbeautifulwordsI’veever

heard.”

“Whichones?Messyorspontaneous?”Iteased.

Hequicklygrabbedmyhandsandpulledthembackbehindme,wrappingoneofhishandsaround

mywrists.Wekepteyecontactashepalmedhiscock,strokingitfastandhard.“WhenI’mdonefucking

thatsweetpussyofyours,thenmaybeI’llletyouhaveit…”hesaidroughly,torturouslyrubbingthetip

againstme.

“Alex…”Iwhimpered,bitingmyliptopreventfromscreamingathowbadIwantedit.

Hereleasedmywristsandsqueezedmyhipsashepushedhardintome.Igaspedandclungontohim

ashefilledme,completelycaptivatingmybodyandheart.Iwrappedmylegsaroundhim,pullinghim

closertome,notwantinganyspacebetweenusaswecametogether.

IwasinlovewithAlexanderLancaster,andIwantedeverypartofmetofeelit.

WEENDEDUPintheshowerafter,takingturnscleaningeachotheroff.Hishandsandlipswereonme

atalltimes—kissingallupanddownmybody—touchingmeeverywhere.Isoakeditallup,lovinghow

freeitfelttofinallybewithhim.

“Sayitagain,”hesaidaswelaytogetherinbed.Mybackwastohischestasourlegstangledunder

thesheets.

Iturnedaroundtofacehimandcuppedhischeek.“Iloveyou.”Hewrappedhisarmsaroundme,

andIsmiledathowbighisgringrew.

“Again.”

“Iloveyou.

“Onemoretime.”

MyheadfellbackasIlaughedathiseagerness.“Iloveyou!”Hedughisfingersintomysides,

makingmescreamandconvulseashetickledme.“Okay,stop!”Ipleaded,laughingunwillingly.

Hedippedhisheadintothenapeofmyneckandkissedupmyjawlinetomyear.“Onone

condition…”

“What’sthat?”

“Moveinwithme.”

Mybodyfrozeashishandsstoppedtheirbrutalattack.“Movein?”Irepeated.“Isn’tthatkindof

fast?”

“Notreally.Notwhenyouconsiderthefactthatyoujusttoldmeyoulovedmeonourfirstdate.”He

smirked.

“You’resuchanass.”Ilaughed.“Thiswasnotevenadate.”

“Howdoyoufigure?Therewasdancing.Therewassex—whichwealreadyhadbeforewhenyou

didn’tevenknowmyname—andifyouwant,I’llorderussomeroomservice.”Heworeasmug

expressionashecontinued,“Dinner,dancing,sex.Thethreecomponentsofadate.”

“Sodoyoualwaysaskwomentomoveinwithyouonthefirstdate?”

“Onlywhentheyleaveanimpeccableimpression.”Onesideofhislipscurledupinaslygrin.

“Remindmethatfornexttimethen.”

“Iwon’thaveto,”hesaidconfidently.“Myfirstimpressionofyouwillalwaysbeengravedinmy

memory.Youinyourshort-assdress,yourhaircurledandflyingeverywhereasyoudanced,andyour

armswavingintheairasyourbodymovedwiththemusic.Icouldn’tlookaway.Ineededtomeetyou,”

hesaidgenuinely.“YouleftanimpressiononmethatnightthatIobviouslycouldn’tshake…”

Ismiledashespoke.“Ilovehowyouhavethatmemoryofme.Ofus.”Ipausedbriefly.“Ican’twait

tomakemanymore.”

Hekissedthetipofmynoseandheldme,keepingmeclosetohischestaswecontinuedlaying

there.MomentshadpassedbeforeIrememberedIneveransweredhisquestion.

Itwasfasttobemovingintogether,butnothingaboutourrelationshipcouldbeconsiderednormal.

Aftereverythingwehadgonethroughtogethere,Inolongercared.Ididn’tcareaboutthepressorwhat

themediawouldsayaboutus.Ididn’tcarewhatotherpeoplewouldwhisperaboutmeorhowtheysaw

me.Theonlythingthatmatteredtomewas,forthefirsttime,Iwaswithsomeonewhoknewexactlywho

Iwas.Alexsawallsidesofmeandlovedmeforit.

Thatwaswhatmattered.

ChapterThirty-One

SixMonthsLater…

“Isthereareasonmylateafternoonmeetingwascanceled?”Iaskedmynewassistant,Shelby.

Shelookedupatmeandblinked.“Theyhadapriorengagement.”

Inarrowedmybrowsather,confused.“Didtheyreschedule?”

“Notyet.”Itwasn’tthatIdidn’ttrusther,butafterfindingoutChelseawasthemoleinselling

informationandstoriestothepress,Ihadahardtimetrustinganyone.Assoonasthemediacameoutwith

apregnancyscandalofhowIwashavingWilliam’sbaby,butAlexwasgoingtoraiseit,Istartedgoing

throughherworkemails.Shewastheonlyonewhohadoverheardmyphonecallsandhadaccesstomy

emails.OnceIsawtheemailsshehadbeensendingtotheNewYorkPost,Icannedherass.

However,herstorieswerecompletelyfalsified.IassumedmyboringhomelifewithAlexwasn’t

juicyenough,soshemadewhatevershecoulduptosellstoriestothem.

“Allright.”Ishruggeditoff.“Anyothermessages?”

“Yes.”Herfacelitupandshesmiledupatme.“Mr.Lancasterleftyouamessagewhileyouwere

outtolunch.”

Iquicklycheckedmycell,notseeinganymissedcallsortextsfromhim.“Okay?”

“Well,actually,itwasmoreofadelivery.”Shebentdownnexttoherchairandgrabbedawhitebox

withgoldtrim.“Themessageisintheenvelope.”

Igrabbeditfromherandsaid,“Thanks.”

IgrinnedasItookitbacktomydesk.Irippedopenthesmallcardandflippeditover.

Firstclue…wasallitsaid.Iflippeditbackoverinbetweenmyfingers,butthat’salltherewas.

Iopeneduptheboxandinsidewasasmallcakewithpinkfrosting.OnitwaswrittenFollowmeto

yournextclue.

Washesendingmeonascavengerhunt?

IhadthoughtaboutitforaminutebeforeIrealizedthecakewasfromSugar’sSweets—hisfavorite

bakerywherehetookmethatfirstweekendhemovedin.We’vemadeitourroutinetogoinmoreoften,

makingoldtraditionspartofournewones.

Igrabbedmypurseandranoutofmyoffice,wavingatShelbyandtellingherI’dbegonetherestof

theafternoon.

Shelookedsuspiciouslyhappy.

Whatareyouupto?ItextedAlex,butIhadasuspicionhewasn’tgoingtotellmeathing.

IgrabbedacabtothebakeryandonceImadeitinside,Sugarwasbehindthecounterandgreeted

mewarmly.“Ibetyou’relookingforthis?”Shesmiledandhandedmeanotherwhitebox.

“Thankyou.”Ismiledback.Iopenedtheboxtoapumpkinspicecupcakewithcreamcheesefrosting

—oneofmyfavorites.Insidethelidoftheboxwasanothersmallcard.Itookasmallbiteofthecupcake

andrippedthecardopen.

Sugar&Spicemakeeverythingnice,butwhataboutFire&Ice?

IwavedtoSugarasIwalkedoutandstoodonthesidewalk,thinkingaboutwherehewassending

menext.Fire&Ice…Fire&Ice…

Assoonasithitme,IwavedforacabandtoldhimtotakemetoRockefellerCenter.Over

Christmas,Alextookmeiceskatingforthefirsttime—which,Iendedupfallingapproximatelyadozen

times—butregardless,Ihadablast.Myasswasbruisedandburnedforaweek.

Iwasn’tsurewhatIwaslookingfornow,sowhenIexitedthecabIlookedaroundforanykindof

clue.AsIwalkedaround,agirlwithbrightredhaircameuptomeandfinallyhandedmeanenvelope.

BeforeIcouldthankher,shewasgone.

Irippeditopenandreadthecard.Seasonscomeandgo,butourlovewillalwayscontinueto

grow.

IsmirkedasIgrabbedanothercabandtoldthemtotakemetotheFourSeasonsonfifty-seventh.The

sameonehemademestayat.IwasstartingtofeelanxiousasIwonderedwhatAlexwasupto.Clearly,

hewassendingmeplacesthatwe’vebeentoormeantsomethingtoourrelationship.

AssoonasIwalkedinside,Iwenttotheconciergedeskwheretheyhandedmeapackageandroom

key.

Igrabbedthecardandreadit.EverytimeIlookatyou,Iseemyfuture.EverytimeItouchyou,I

feelyourlove.EverytimeIlickmylips,Itasteyou.Onlyyou.

Irippedopenthepackageandfoundapairofblackstilettoheels.Myeyeswidened,andIsuckedin

mylowerlip,wonderingwherehewassendingmenow.

Underneaththeshoes,Ifoundanothernote.

Meetmeinroom1407…

Iflippedthecardoverandread—Onlywearingtheseshoes.

Myeyeswidenedinsurprise.Ohmygod…

AwickedgrinspreadacrossmyfaceasItooktheelevatoruptothefourteenthfloor.Iknewhe

couldbeasneakybastard,butnonetheless,butterfliessurfacedasIthoughtaboutwhathehadplannedfor

us.

Islidthekeyinandpushedthedooropen.Onthetable,nexttoavaseofredroses,wasanother

card.

Iwanttolookatyou…touchyou…andtasteyouwhenIarrive.Makesureyou’reready.

Ilookedaroundtheroomandnoticedadesknearthebed.AdeskwhereIalwaysendedupsittingon

ashekneltdownandputhismouthinbetweenmylegs.

Hewantedmetositonitonlywearingtheseshoesandwaitforhim…

ISTRIPPEDCOMPLETELYnakedandslippedontheblackstilettos.Ihadnoideawhenhe’dbe

arriving,soIsatonthedeskandwaited.Fortunately,Ididn’thavetowaitlong.Anxiousflutterssurfaced

asIheardthedooropenandshut.Ileftthelightsoffandthecurtainswerealreadyclosed,sotheroom

wasnearlypitchblack.

ArushofexcitementwavedthroughmeasIheardhimslowlyundoinghisbeltandthesoundof

shoeshittingtheground.Hisfootstepsechoingbecamelouderandlouderasheenteredthebedroomarea

andsawme.

“Spreadyourlegs,”heordered.

MylipscurledupinanticipationasIpulledmylegsapart,lettinghimseejusthowarousedIwas.I

watchedhisshadowashesteppedcloser,gettingabetterlook.

“Goodgirl.Letmeseehowwetyouare.”

Islidmyhanddowninbetweenmylegsandrubbedafingerdown,circlingmyclit.Iwatchedashe

watchedme,himgrowingharderwitheverystrokeImade.IcouldfeelmyselfgettingwettersoIpusheda

fingerin,justtoseewhathe’ddo.

“Christ,baby,”hegrowled,takingastepcloser.Ipulledoutandpushedtwofingersbackin.

“Wannatasteit?”Iteased,bringingthemouttohim.

Hesteppedforwardwearinghisshit-eatinggrin.“YouknowIdo.”Hegrabbedmywristandbrought

myfingerstohismouth,suckingandlickingthemclean.Ahungrymoanescapedhisthroatasheshoved

myfingersindeeper.

HewaskeepingmewaitingandIhatedthat.Mybodywasbuzzing,beggingforhishandsandmouth

tobeonme.Hereleasedmyhandandstartedslowlyunbuttoninghisshirt.Iwatchedashiseyesgrazed

upanddownmybody,histonguelickingoverlips.

Hethrewhisshirtoffandkneltinfrontofme,spreadingmylegsevenwider.“Hookyourlegs

aroundme,sweetheart…”Ididashesaid,crossingmyanklesaroundhisneck.Ifelthimfeathersoft

kissesonmythighashishandwrappedaroundmyknee.Hetiltedhisheaduptolockeyeswithmeand

smirked.“Anddon’tforgettohangontotheedge.”

Asusual,hedidn’tdisappoint.IgrippedtheedgeasIscreamedouthisname.MyheadfellbackasI

squeezedmylegsandcameagain.Hewasn’tsatisfieduntilhepinnedmyhipsdownandmademecomea

thirdtime.

“Standup.”AssoonasIdid,hespunmearound.“Handsflatonthedesk,”heordered,gently

pushingmybackdownsomyasswasagainsthisfront.Withtheaddedheightfrommyshoes,hehad

completeaccesstome.“That’sit,sweetheart.”

Ifelthimrubinbetweenmylegsagain,coatinghisfingerswithmyarousal.Imoaned,whimpering

hisname.Iwasreadytofeelhim.Iwantedhiminsideme.

“Alex…”Ipleaded,spreadingmylegsoutfurther.Heremovedhishand,andIheardhimremovehis

pantsandkickthemofftotheside.

“Tellmewhatyouneed,baby.”

“Iwantithard,”Ibegan.“Deep.”Thencontinued,“Iwantyoutomakemescream.”

Hechuckled,pressingahandtomybackandroamingitupmyspine.“Yes,allofit,sweetheart.But

first…”hepaused,wrappingahandaroundmychestandpalmingmybreast.“Youneedtofindyournext

clue,”hesaid,pressinghislipstomyear.

“HowdoIdothat?”Iaskedeagerly.

“Openthedeskdrawer.”

HeleanedbackasIslidonehanddownthedesktopandopenedthedrawer.Insidewasanote.I

onlywearthesewithacollaredshirt,buttonight,you’llbewearingit.

Igrinnedalthoughhecouldn’tseeandresponded,“Yourtie.”

“Goodgirl.”Heleaneddownandkisseddownmyback.Iheardhimgrabthetieoffhisshirtand

looselybrushitdownmyass.“Pullyourheadup.”Ifelthimwrapitaroundmyhead,coveringmyeyes

up.“Good.”Hegentlypushedmyheadbackdownandrepositionedmybody.

“Itwasalreadydarkinhere,”Isaid,wonderingwhathewasreallyupto.

“Itwon’tbeforlong,”wasallhesaidinresponse.Ifelthimwalkawayandsecondslater,hearda

lightswitchflickon.“Iwanttowatcheverypartofyou,sweetheart.ButIwantyoutoonlyfeel.No

watching.Notouching.Onlyfeeling.”

IgaspedasIfelthishandsonmeagain,grippingmyhips,andpullingmyassouttohim.He

squeezedmycheeks,spreadingmeapartandstrokingthetipofhimagainstmyclit.Hecontinuedworking

meuntilhewassoakedwithmyjuicesandpushedinside,fillingmedeepandhard.Igasped,moaningout

attheintensebuilduphewascreating.

“Letmehearyou,Mac…”Hequickenedthepace,drivingintomeharderandfaster.“Louder.”

Icouldfeeltheclimaxbuildingstronger,hisfingersgrippingintomyhipsasIscreamedouthis

name.“Yes,that’sit.Christ,baby.Thatwasperfect.”Icouldhearourarousalsmixingtogetherasour

bodiespressedintoeachother.

Icriedoutashepulledoutandgrabbedme,carryingmeinhisarms.“Holdon.”Iwrappedmyarms

aroundhisneck,anxioustoknowwherehewastakingme.Ifelthimlaymeinthemiddleofthebed

sideways,somylegsandarmshungofftheedge.“Keepyourarmsup,baby.Spreadthoselegs.”

Ifelthishandsonme,rubbinginbetweenmybreasts,rubbingmynipplesinbetweenhisfingers

beforeslidingdownandrubbingmyclitagain.Myhipsbuckedinresponse,greedytohavehiminsideme

again.

“Liftyourlegs.”Hisvoicewasdeep,hoarse,andIcompliedimmediately,puttingthemstraightupin

theair.Ifelthimpositionhimselfagainstmeandpushmylegstowardmychestasheenteredbackinside

me.

MybodyhuggedhimsotightlythatIcouldbarelytakeit.IknewIwascloseandwouldn’tlastmuch

longer.Hekeptthepaceup,thrustinginandoutuntilwecametogetherscreaming.

Hepulledhistieoffmyeyesandsmiled.“YouarethemostbeautifulwomanI’veevermet,Mac,but

whenyoucome…there’sjustnodescribingit.”Heleaneddownandsoftlykissedmylips,restinghis

bodyinbetweenmylegsthatwerelyinglifelesslyonthebed.

“Yousurehaveaninfatuationwithwatchingmecome,don’tyou?”Iteased.

“Myfavoritethingintheworld.”Heflashedaslygrin.

Hemovedusunderthecoversandpressedourcheststogetheraswelaythere.Mybodyneededa

break,andIwasreadytopassout.

“Thereisonemoreclue…”hesaidbreakingthesilence.

Itiltedmyheaduptolookathimwithleeryeyes.“Ifitrequiresanykindofheavybreathingor

aerobics,I’mtappingout.”

Hesmirked,shakinghishead.“Itdoesn’t.Ipromise.”

“Allright.Whatisit?”

“It’sinthebathroom.Gofindit.”

Isighed,wantingtolaytherewithhimjustabitlonger.“Okay.”Igrabbedoneofthesheetsand

wrappeditaroundmybody,makingmywaytothebathroom.IhadnoideawhathewasuptoorwhatI

waslookingfor,butthemomentIflickedthelightson,Isawit…

“Ohmygod…”IclaspedmymouthwithbothhandsasIreadthemessageonthemirror.

Sayyes.

Istoodthere,staringatthewordswritteninredlipstick.Iheardhimbehindmeandquicklyturned

aroundtoAlexkneelingdownononeknee.Inoticedhequicklyputhispantsbackonasheheldouta

sleek,blackringbox.

“Ohmygod…”Isaidagain,tearsinmyeyesasitfinallysunkitwhathewasabouttoaskme.

“Mac…”Helookedsofuckingadorable,hisvoicesosweetandsoftashecontinued,“Sweetheart,

willyoumarryme?”

Iunclaspedmyhandsandscreamed,“Yes!Yes!Yes!”Ilaughednervouslyashesmiledandstood

up,pullingmeintohisarms.“Ohmygod…”Ipanted,tryingtocatchmybreath.“Ican’tbelieveyou

plannedallthis!”

Hecuppedmyfaceandbroughthislipstomine,kissingmefiercelyandwithoutcontrol.Slowly,he

brokethekissandleanedhisforeheadagainstminewhispering,“Iloveyou.”

Ismiledupathimandwhisperedback,“Iloveyou,too.”

Epilogue

Alex

Fouryearsandninemonthslater…

AsIunbuttonedmychef’scoat,Istaredatmybeautifulwifeandsonsleepingpeacefullyinourbed.He

wascradledbyherside,withonearmwrappedoverherswollenbelly.Onlytwoyearsoldandhewas

alreadyprotectiveofhissoon-to-belittlesister.

Eversinceopeningupournewrestaurant,ElizabethRose—namedafterbothofourmothers—I’ve

beenworkinglatemakingsureeverythingransmoothly.Fortunately,Macworkedfromhomesoshecould

stayhomewithColton.Herbosshadbeenveryaccommodatingeversincethelaunchofhernewbabyand

maternityfashionblogstartedbringingintentimestheadvertisingrevenuethanheroldone.

“Mac…”Iwhispered.Shedidn’tbudge,soIcarefullypickedupColtonandcarriedhimtohisown

bed.Ileaneddownandkissedhisforeheadbeforeturningthelightoffandshuttingthedoor.

Iwalkedtothebathroomandturnedtheshoweron,needingtogetthekitchensmelloffme.Ismiled

asIthoughtabouttheeventsofmyday.Ineverwould’veguessedfiveyearsagothatI’dbeachefatmy

ownrestaurantinNewYorkCity.OncemydadandImadeamends,hesignedmyfulltrustfundoverto

me,andIwenttoculinaryschool.OnceIfinished,Ispentmonthstrainingwithtopchefsinfive-star

restaurantsandlearningnewtechniquesthatIeventuallymasteredandbroughtintomyownrestaurant.

Itwasn’tjustaboutgettingtodosomethingIloved,butwedonatepartoftheproceedstothe

CoalitionfortheHomeless.Customershavetheoptiontodonateextramoney,signuptovolunteer,or

donategoods.We’vebeenabletobringawarenessbacktothecityandthat’sbeenthemostimportant

thingforMac’ssake.

“Alex?”IvaguelyheardMac’svoicethroughthedoor.

“Inhere,”Icalledout,rubbingsoapovermyarmsandchest.Sheopenedthedoorandsmiledasour

eyesmet.

“Youdidn’twakeme.”

“Itried,”Ireassured.“Butyousleeplikethedead.”

“Oh.GuessIwasmoretiredthanIthought.”

“Wannajoinme?”SheopenedthedoorjustasIasked.

“Alreadyplannedonit.”Shesmiled.Ileanedinandkissedher.“Sohowwasyourday?”Iaskedas

westoodunderthestreamofwater.

“Great.Busyasusual.”Igrabbedtheshampooandpouredsomeinherhair,massagingmyfingers

intoherscalp.“Howwasyours?”

“Well,itonlytookmefivehourstofinishoneblogpostbecauseColtonwantedmyattentionevery

threeseconds.ThenIplannedtoworkonitduringhisnaptime,buthemademelaywithhiminbeduntil

hefellasleepandthenIendedupfallingasleepinstead.”Ichuckledatherscowl.“Oh,yourdadcalled.

He’sinvitedusoverfordinnerthisweekendforyoutomeethisnewfiancée.”Shesmirkedandletouta

lowlaugh.“Anyway,we’resupposedtocomeatsix.Willyoubehomeontime?”

Inarrowedmybrowsather,curlingmyupperlipup.“Yes.”Isighed.“ButI’mnotcallingher

Mom,”Imocked.

Sheburstoutinlaughter,wrappingherarmsaroundme.“I’mgladwecanallbeinthesameroom

togetheratleast.”Sheflashedagenuinesmile.“ItmakesiteasierforColton.William’shisonly

grandparent,”sheremindedme.

“Iknow.”Ikissedhersoftlyonthenose.Wefinishedourshowerandlayinbedtogether.Irubbed

myhandoverherbellyandpouted.“Sheneverkicksforme.”

“Whenshewakesmeupatthreea.m.kickingmyribstodeath,I’llmakesuretowakeyouup.”

“Weneedtogetyouonabetterschedule,kid,”Iteased,rubbingmyhandoverherbellyoncemore.

“We’renotgoingtocallherkid,arewe?Sheneedsaname,”shepouted.We’vebeendiscussing

namesformonthsandwehaven’tbeenabletoagreeonanything.

“Okay…tellmeyourlistagain.”

“Cora,Caitlin,Camila,andCassie.”

“WhyaretheyallC’s?”

“SotheymatchColton’s,”sherepliedinanobvioustone.

“Um…okay.”Ilaughed.“Well,thenIguessIlike…CoraandCassie.”

“Youdon’tsoundveryenthusiasticaboutit.”Oh,god…thehormonalmoodswings.

“Iam,sweetheart.I’mjustverytired.”Ikissedherandpulledherclosertome.“Canwetalkabout

thistomorrow?”

Shegrumbled.“That’swhatyoualwayssay.”

“Sweetheart,Ipromise.We’lltalkaboutit.JustnotnowwhenI’mhalfasleep.”

“Okay.”Shesmiledandkissedme,curlingherbodyintomine.“Loveyou.”

ThreeMonthsLater…

“Shelooksjustlikeyou,”Isaid,admiringhowperfectournewbabygirllooked.“Shehasyoursame

cheekbones.Andyourcutelittlejawline.”IrockedhernexttoMac’shospitalbed,incompleteaweat

howmuchIalreadylovedher.“Maybeshe’llhaveyourfeistyattitude,too.”Iwinked.

“Wecanonlyhope.”

Aknockcameatthedoorandhernursewalkedin,smilingwide.“IhavesomepapersIneedyouto

fillout.”ShehandedthemtoMac.“Youhadthebabysofastwedidn’tevengettothatyet.”MacandI

wereatdinnerwhenherwaterbroke.Shedeliveredahalfanhourafterwearrivedatthehospital.

“What’shername?”thenurseasked.

Thesmileonmyfacedropped,andIturnedtolookatMac,whoworethesameexpressionIwas.

“Um…”Shestartedtostumble.

“We’restilldeciding,”Iinterrupted.Thenurselookedatuswithanoddexpressionbutjustnodded

inresponseandtoldustopageherwhenthepaperworkwascomplete.

Assoonasthenurseshutthedoor,Macturnedandscowledatme.“Don’tgivemethatlook,”I

pleaded.

“OurbabyisgoingtobenamedKid,”shecried.“It’sallyoucalledherduringmypregnancysoit’s

probablyallsheknowsanyway.”

Oh,hello,postpartumhormones!

“Nottrue,”Ireassured.“Let’sjustgooveryourlistagainanddecidewhichoneshelookslike.”

Sherambledoffthenamesagain,butnothingstuckout.Ithoughtforamomentandsaid,“Whatabout

LaurenElizabeth?”Itwashermiddlenameandhermom’snamecombined,soIpartiallyexpectedherto

yellatmehowstupidthatideawas,butsurprisingly,shedidn’t.

“Ilikeit!”shegushed,smiling.“LaurenElizabeth…itfitssoperfectly.”Shelookeddownatherand

startedcrying.

Afteracoupledaysinthehospital,wewereabletotakeourbabygirlhome.Coltonmetherforthe

firsttimethatnightandabsolutelyadoredher.Hewantedtoknowwhyshedidn’tdoanythingbutsleep,

butIknewhe’dbewishingshewassleepingwhenshewakeshimupcryingattwoa.m.

“Canyougrabherblanket?Ileftitinthekitchen,”MacaskedashecuddledLaurenonthecouch.I

jumpeduptograbit,butjustbeforeIwalkedbackintohandittoher,Istoodinthedoorwayandjust

watchedthethreeofthem.ColtonwasstandingonthecouchcushionnexttoMac,lookingdownathis

newsister.Macwassmiling,holdingColtonclosetoherastheybothjuststareddownather.

WhenImetMackenziefiveyearsago,myworldtiltedonitsaxis.Beforeher,itfeltasifIwas

drowningintheexpectationsthatwereputintoplace,andIhadnosayinthematter.Cominghomeafter

graduateschoolwassomethingIwasn’tlookingforwardto,butIknewitwastime—timetofacemydad

andthemediaagain.

MeetingMacthatfirstnightwasthegamechanger.Shewasfilledwithsuchabrightenergythatit

completelychangedmyperceptionofhavingtobehomeagain.WhenIwokeupthenextmorningwithher

inmybed,IknewIdidn’twanttolethergo.Imaynothaveknownmuchabouther,butIknewIwantedto

knowmoreabouther.

Thefirstmomentsheturnedaroundtofaceme,ithitmelikeafreighttrain.Imadesuretonotletit

show,butjustlikeeverythingelseinmylife,nothingeverwentmyway.Ihadrealizedwhoshewas.I

recognizedherfromthearticlesthepressdidonmyfather,butshewassomuchdifferentthanIoriginally

anticipated.

ThatwaswhenIknew.

Hewasn’tgoodenoughforher.Hewasalying,deceptiveson-of-a-bitch,andIwasn’tgoingtolet

himkeepher.

“Alex?”Mac’svoicegrabbedmyattentionback.Sheraisedherbrowsatme,lookingdownatthe

blanketinmyhands.“Canyoubringthathere,please?”

Ipushedoffthedoorframeandwalkedtowardthethreeofthem,coveringLaurenupwithhernew

blanket.

IpickedColtonupandsethimonmylapasIsatdownnexttoMac,wrappingmyarmaroundher

shouldersandpushingusclosertogether.“Ican’tbelievehowmuchshelookslikeyou.”

“Yeah…shelooksalotlikemymom,too.It’skindofperfect.”Shetiltedherheadupatmeand

smiled.“IwishIhadpicturesofher.”

Ipulledherheadtowardmeandkissedhertemple.“We’llalwaystakealotofpictures.”

“Well,weshouldallgettobedearly,”shesighed,thenleanedovermetospeaktoColton.“Daddy

hasabigbirthdaytomorrow!Thebig3-0,”shesaid,emphasizingthe3and0.“We’regoingtogetupand

makehimaspecialbreakfast.”Shesmiledoverathim,andIsighed.“Nogroaning,”shewarnedme.

“We’rehavingyourdadandnewstepmomoverfordinner.They’reexcitedtoseethebaby.”

Iwrinkledmynoseather,narrowingmybrows.“Isn’titweirdyouroldassistantismy‘stepmom’?”

Shesnorted.“No,it’sfate.Theydeserveeachother…”ShelookedoveratColton,whowas

overhearingeverything.“Inthebestwaypossible,”sheadded,grinning.Shewasrightaboutthat.Chelsea

spentmonthssellingstoriesaboutWilliamandwhenherecentlyfoundout,hethreatenedtosuefor

slander.Instead,Chelseaaskedhimoutto‘explain’andapparently,heboughtitbecausetheyendedup

dating.Shortlyafter,heproposedandtheymarried.

Apparently,thethirdtimewasthecharm.

AfterwetuckedColtoninandgotLaurentosleep,weheadedtobedourselves.Thepastfewdays

havebeenanotherlife-changingchapterforus,andIcouldn’tbemoreexcitedaboutit.

“Sodoyouthinkaftertheawkwardbirthdaydinneryou’regoingtomakemesufferthrough,wecan

laylowafewdaysbeforeIhavetogetbacktowork?”Iwhispered,holdinghertightlyagainstmeand

tracingafingeralongherjawline.

“Iwish.”Shesighed.“Staci’sweddingisnextweekend,”sheremindedme,“whichmeansIhaveto

fitmypost-pregnancybellyintoadressthatisprobablytwosizestoosmall.”

Ipulledherchintowardmeandbrushedmylipsoverhers.“Youaregoingtolookbeautifulno

matterwhat.”IkissedherlipsagainasIpulledhercloser.“So…howlongdowehavetowaittohave

sexagain?”Iaskedbetweenkisses.

Shelaughedassheshout-whispered,“Longerthanthreedays!”

“Damn.”Igrinned.

“Atleastsixweeks,”sheremindedme.

Igroaned.“Longestsixweeksofmylife.”

“It’llgobyfast,Ipromise,”shereassured.“Betweenfeedings,diaperchanges,chasingafterColton,

andwork—thoseweekswillflyby.”

Icoveredhermouthwithmine,intertwiningourlegstogetherunderthesheetsjustasLaurenstarted

tocry.Ipulledawayandgroaned,“Notfastenough.”

Shewrinkledhernoseandlaughed.SheshiftedherlegstotheothersideandgrabbedLaurenoutof

herbassinet.Shere-wrappedtheblanket,swaddlingherandtuckingherintothenookofherarm.Shewas

suchanatural.RightfromthestartwhenwebroughtColtonhome,shejustknewwhattodo.Shehadbeen

sonervousandanxiousthroughoutherwholepregnancy,worriedshewouldn’thaveanymotherly

instincts.Butsheworriedfornothingbecausewatchingherwithhim,andnowLauren,wassimply

breathtaking.

“Iloveyou,”Isaid,lookingatbothofmygirls.“Ilovehowyoulovesoeasily.Sonatural.”

ShesmiledupatmeasshesoftlyrubbedafingeragainstLauren’stinycheek.“Iloveyou,too.Thank

youforgivingmeabeautifulfamily.”

Ileanedinandbrushedmylipsagainsther,slowlyandgently,keepingthemthereasIsaid,“Thank

youforlettingme.”

Andtheylivedhappilyeverafter…

AbouttheAuthor

BrookeCumberlandisa

USAToday

Bestselling

authorwho’sastay-at-homemomandwritesfull-
time.ShelivesinthefrozentundraofPacker
Nationwithherhusband,4-year-oldwildchild,
andtwoteenagestepsons.Whenshe’snotwriting,
youcanfindherreadinglovestories,listeningto
musicthatinspiresher,andlaughingwithher
family.BrookeisaddictedtoStarbuckscoffee,
leggings,andanythingsweet.Shefoundher
passionfortellingstoriesduringwinterbreakone

yearingradschool--andshehasn’tstoppedsince.

ConnectwithBrooke:

www.brookecumberland.com

Facebook.com/brookecumberlandauthor

Twitter@blcumberland

Instagram.com/AuthorBCumberland

Pinterest.com/bcumberland8

OtherbooksbyBrookeCumberland

TheInternSerials

VolumeOne

VolumeTwo

VolumeThree

AftertheInternship:ANovella

Orgrabthe

completeboxset

TheSparkSeries

Spark

,#1

Burn

,#2

Flame

(Companionnovel)

Orgrabthe

completeboxset

TheRiversideTrilogy

KitchenAffairs

,#1

KitchenScandals

,#2

KitchenPromises

,#3

Orgrabthe

completeboxset

Acknowledgements

Thiswasoneverylongprocessfromstarttofinish.Thisbooktookmealmostsixmonths,whichto-

dateisthelongestspanit’stakenmetocompleteabook.Nottomention,it’salsomyfirsttruestand-alone

sothepressuretogivecompleteclosureinonebookwashardforme.

Thisbookpushedmeinmanyways.Istruggledwiththeplotline,howreaderswouldrespondtoit,

ifthecharactersweredevelopingcorrectly.IcontemplatedifIcouldevenfinishit.

Tellingastoryandmakingitcometolifeonpaperishardlyaone-personjob.Infact,it’smuchlike

raisingkids—takesavillage.There’snodoubtinmymindIhadanincredibleteambehindmeinmaking

thisstorybecomeareality.

First,myfamily.Thankyouforneverquestioningwhydinnerwasn’tmade,whywewereorderingin

orgettingtakeoutagain,whylaundrywasalwaysinpilesunfolded,orwhythehousehadn’tbeencleaned

inweeks.Thankyouforunderstandingthatwritingismorethanjusta‘hobby’butratherapassioninmy

lifethatkeepsmegoing.IowemyparentssomehugecreditforpickinguptheslackandknowingwhenI

needabreakbytakingthekidsorhelpingmewitherrandsandcleaning.Ifeelsoblessedtohaveavery

strongsupportsystem!Andofcourse,myhusband.Thankyouforalwaystellingmehowproudofmeyou

are,forremindingmehowmuchyoulovemewhenI’vebeenupforeighteenhoursstraightanda

completecrazedlunatic,andunderstandingwhyIworksomuch.Iloveyou!

TothreeoftheclosestauthorfriendsI’vebeenfortunateenoughtofind:Staci,Katie,&Whitney.

Thanksforputtingupwithmycrazy,mystressedoutmentalstate(onlybeforedeadlinesthough),andfor

makingmelaughonadailybasis.Thankyouforbreakingupmystress-inducedcomaswithawkward

Tumblrpicsandhilariousmemes.Thankyouforholdingmyhandthroughthislongprocessandalways

encouragingmetokeepgoing.Thankyouforreadingondemandandhelpingmeatallhoursoftheday.

I’vebeenluckytofindintrovertsjustlikemyselfwhounderstandmyawkwardness(oratleastpretend

to).Thankyoueachforbeingmyrock.Forkeepingmegrounded.ForencouragingandremindingmethatI

candothis.Thankyouforchallengingandpushingmetobebetter.Thisbookwouldbeabunchof

jumbledwordswithoutyoursupport.

Ioweaginormousthankstomypersonalassistant/friend,MirandaSueJohnson.You’resomuch

morethanmyPA.Ican’tevenexpresshowthankfulIamforyoueachandeveryday.Youdefinitelyhave

helpedmesomuchthesepastfewmonths.Thankyouforalwaysbeingthere,readingandrippingmy

wordsapart,pushingandchallengingmetodobetter,andmakingmylifeatadlesscrazy.Thankyoufor

just‘knowing’thingsandalwaysbeingabletodothemforme.Idon’tknowhowIwentthefirsteighteen

monthswithoutyou,butnowthatIhaveyou,Idon’tplantoletyougo.Andthankyouforbeingmyright-

handwomanwhilewritingAlexandMac’sstory.Thanksforlisteningtomyramblings,ideas,panic

outbursts,andfreakoutmoments.Thankyouforbrainstormingwithmeandbeingreadilyavailabletore-

readanytimeIneededyouto.Iloveyou!Thankyou,thankyou,thankyou!

ThankyoutomybetateamandallthemembersoftheBrookeCumberland&Crew!Thanksfor

alwaysbeingsoenthusiasticabouthelpingmeoutandreadingmybooks!

I’mahugebelieverinbeingloyaltotheonesthathavehelpedmealongtheway.Thankyoutothe

bloggersthatI’vebeenfortunatetomeetalongtheway,thankyouforstickingbymysideandforyour

support,andforsharingmysalesandnewreleases.ThankyouforsupportingIndieslikeme.

Thankyoutomyeditor,Rogena,foralwaysworkingwithmyhighdemandsandshortdeadlines.

Thankyouforbeingaconstantinourloyalandprofessionalrelationship.I’msogladtohaveyouonmy

team!

WhenIstartedwritingDangerousTemptations,IhadacoverideainmymindthatIwassureI

wantedforMacandAlex’sstory.AfterImetLaurenfromPerrywinklePhotography,Idecidedtogowith

acustomshoot.Oncewepickedthemodelsandthedate,IflewouttoSaltLakeCitysoIcouldbepresent

fortheshoot.WhatIhadinmindandwhatLaurencreatedaresodifferent!Turnsout,theimageinmy

minddidn’tevencomparetowhatLaurenandthemodels,ChaseandWhitney,wereabletocreate.

SoahugethankyoutoLauren,Chase,andWhitneyforgivingmethemostbeautifulcoverpictureI

could’veaskedfor!Fortwopeoplewhojustmetthatday,yougavethecamerathechemistryandhotness

levelMacandAlexdeserved.

Speakingofhotness,IneedtothankSommerSteinofPerfectPearCreativeCoversforputtingup

withmeaswedesignedDT’scover.YoucreatedthemostgorgeouscoverIcould’veaskedfor.Thank

youforbeingmuchmorethanjustmydesigner!

TomywonderfulPRteam,ChristineStanley,atTheHypePRwhoisatrulymiracleworker.Thank

youforallyoudoandforbeingapartofmyteam.Iloveyou!

Bloggers,readers,authorpeers—thisisanamazingcommunity!Thankyouforlovingbooks,sharing

aboutthem,andnetworkingtogether.Thisisanincrediblejourney,andIlovethatIhavefoundsomegreat

peoplealongtheway!TothebloggerswhoreadanARConshortnotice,thankyouforsqueezingMac&

Alex’sstoryin!Andforallthebloggerswhosharetheirloveforreading.

AndtoanyoneImayhavehappenedtomiss,knowthatyoursupportdoesn’tgounnoticed!

Thankyouforall!

Muchlove,

Brookexx

CoalitionfortheHomeless

Morethan25,000kidsand35,000adultsaresleepinginNewYorkCity

homelessshelterstonight,whichisanall-timerecordsinceTheGreat

Depressioninthe1930’s.Itisalso64%higherthanitwasjusttenyears

ago.

Thisdoesn’tevenincludethethousandsofhomelesspeoplewhoendup

sleepingonthestreets.

Formorethan30years,theCoalitionhasdevelopedandimplemented

humane,cost-effectivesolutionstoNewYork’shomelesscrisis.

Formoreinformationorfindouthowyoucanhelp,checkout:

Coalitionforthehomeless.org