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How to Go from Girlfriend to Wife EBook

Nicole Gayle

www.howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com

Exude strength, reveal essence, artfully seduce, and live gracefully.

Be the kind of woman your man HAS to marry!

DISCLAIMER AND TERMS OF USE AGREEMENT:

By reading this e-book, you agree to all of the following:

You understand this to be an expression of opinion and not legal or professional advice. The information

contained in this e-book is strictly for educational/entertainment purposes. You are solely responsible for

the use of any of the contents and hold Nicole Gayle,

www.howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com

harmless in

any event or claim.

How to Go from Girlfriend to Wife EBook Chapters

Preface on dating on passion

What Men Really Want

Intro: Are you the kind of girlfriend your man wants to marry?

Definitions: Girlfriends that REAL men won’t marry

Chapter 1

Spiritual Chemistry and the awakening of the soul

Chapter 2

How to be a cool Girlfriend

Chapter 3

Wear the girlfriend title but keep the exit door open

Chapter 4

How we teach men to relate to us

Chapter 5

The key to being irresistible = artfully resist

Chapter 6

How the art of detachment will make you a good catch

Chapter 7

How to test his emotional intelligence

Chapter 8

Why men rarely change

Chapter 9

Why a man must fall for you first

Chapter 10

Why should make him wait

Chapter 11

How a man decides you’re “The ONE”

Chapter 12

What is “Fear” and “Passion?”

Chapter 13

Creating Fear

Chapter 14

Creating Passion

Chapter 15

When a man falls in love

Chapter 16

How to deal with disagreements

Chapter 17

Female nagging = Male rebellion

Chapter 18

What to do if you want to spend more time with him

Chapter 19

What to do when you’re really angry with him

Chapter 20

The danger in waiting

Chapter 21

If you need to let him go

Chapter 22

If he ends it

Chapter 23

How to get a trip to the jewelry store – or not

Chapter 24

Channeling Energy

Chapter 25

If he decides to take you by the hand

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Preface on dating and passion

“A man will treat you the way you treat yourself – you basically teach him what to expect
based on how much self respect you’ve got.” Nicole

I am a deeply passionate woman who wants you to experience true love. My

goal is to help you to understand how much the right man wants to make you

his Queen. I want you to believe wholeheartedly that you deserve to find and

have the kind of relationship you’ve dreamed about.

But I am also concerned about a kind of disconnect between men and

women in our society today. There appears to be an epidemic of hurried and

fabricated connections called "relations" and not true and authentic

relationships or friendships that have solid form.

I am also intensely optimistic and know that there are good people who want

to make a difference.

I think some women are partly to blame for the emotionally shallow, free

sex, all you can eat, instant meal deal mentality because they have not kept

themselves a secret from men….plenty of women are willing to just give

men a good screw (oops…did I really say that?!?).

I feel the mystery between the sexes is disappearing…for example, the

unknown in a woman, the intrigue for her, the calling out to her inner most

being, the patient purposeful intense passionate pursuit that would cause her

to surrender to the masculine energy in her own time.

Plenty have come to demand surrender and some men have a selfish

expectation that a woman should give it up and if she’s not then she is

inhibited, repressed, unfun, unsung, subdued and unresponsive.

But there is a waiting that you should expect from a man in order for you to

be convinced that he is man enough to deserve you. There is a gentle care

that he must give to your feminine energy, knowing how to really seduce

you and cause you to awaken to him.

A man has the strength and power to bring a real woman to her knees, not by

force but when he gives up his own desire and desires a woman’s essence,

get lost in your beauty, appreciate her fundamental nature, and become

captured by your feminine grace.

What Men Really Want!

Sex! Lots and lots of sex.

And after that, more sex.

Sex, plus other things that's sexual.

Then something called a quality companion whose fun, not grumpy, can take

note and shut up when needed, and leave them alone for something else

called their time alone to unwind into a manhole.

O yeah...she should be trustworthy, kind, generous, self-sufficient, secure,

and confident who can whip back into looking like Barbie after having a

baby.

Honey do I look fat? No dear, you look [sigh] great.

Kidding aside. A real man wants a woman who can awaken him like a clap

of thunder. A man wants an adventure, to discover, go out to slay a few

giants, and come back proud. A real man wants to fight for something and

he wants a real woman who can be by his side who believes in the

something that he's fighting for.

And somewhere in the middle of his quest, he wants to also fight to win a

woman's heart. He wants to know she's special because he wants to go

through hell to get her and she's made him go through hell to win her.

He really wants you to give him a hard time, just not the kind of hassle that a

demanding, overbearing, drama queen, superior, almighty superwoman bitch

chick would give.

He really wants to see what you're made of, whether you can hold your own,

whether you have an opinion so that he doesn't have to worry that he's with

Dolly the sheep.

Men want to fight. Break through into something more meaningful and

hopefully on the other side they'll find true love in a woman who really is a

dream girl.

A real man wants to show you that he's tough and tender, manly and

mannish, brave and scared, bad and good, strong and weak, and he wants to

know that you'll still admire him even if he doesn't always live up to it all.

Intro: Are you the kind of girlfriend your man wants to marry?

No doubt you’ve heard of the girlfriend from hell or the EX from down

under and may have had your share of having a history book written about

you. You know you went crazy if your Ex(s) wants to go in the other

direction when he sees you, “Oh no, it’s the Wicked Witch and I gotta split!”

You didn’t mean to be wicked and you were most likely not quite a witch,

but your insecurity disease had men thinking “Run!”

You’re in a relationship now, hopefully, not just a relation and more than

likely you’re looking for more than wearing the girlfriend crown. “God,

why would any woman want to be a man’s girlfriend forever?”

It just doesn’t sound right.

First things first….are you the kind of girlfriend your man wants to be with

for the long haul? Translation - Is he thinking of marrying you? Can he see

himself with you for a very long time?

If this question makes you nervous, you may have some serious thinking to

do and as you look at the definitions below, you may see yourself below. In

this case, you will have to make the kind of adjustment that could have your

man take your relationship from girlfriend to wife friend.

If you’re not nervous then this is a good sign but you may still need to make

some adjustments in order to take your relationship to the next level.

Obviously, there are no guarantees. Some relationships just can’t be helped

and need to be treated with a good breakup. Some girlfriends, well, they

need to just stop being a man’s girlfriend and learn to become their own best

friend first.

Sorry, there are no cure-alls.

Becoming a great girlfriend and leaving the impression on your man that

you could be his dream is being the kind of woman who takes pride in who

she is, not in the title that she wears. A great girlfriend is a woman who

takes personal responsibility for her life and will not attempt to superglue

herself to a man in order to feel validated as a woman. She defines her life

and creates the sort of living that causes her to rise to her full potential.

Even if she has shown initial interest, she prefers men to do the chase and it

is for her to decide if the relationship is worthy of her. She knows what she

deserves and places the responsibility on herself to make decisions that are

right for her. She does not lose her mind in a man just because he appears to

have all of the qualities that she is looking for.

She holds herself accountable to the people around her, does not temporarily

disown her girlfriends while in a relationship nor get lost in a man’s world.

She has the intelligence to listen to the advice of her inner circle about the

man she’s with because she knows that her affection for him may cause her

to miss blatant red flags. She is not afraid to be wrong about a man’s

intentions.

Definitions: The types of girlfriends’ REAL men won’t marry

Below you will find definitions of the types of girlfriend a real man wont

marry even if she was his 24/7 playboy bunny.

If you find that something feels “off” in your relationship and you can’t

quite put your finger on it, it means that something is really off. Don’t deny

your gut instincts. Learn to be true to who you are so that you don’t get

cheated by being emotionally weak and needy.

The Girlfriend who deceives first then introduces her pack of kids

A man deserves to know that it wasn’t his sperm that impregnated you. The

worst thing you can do to a man is to string him along by acting real cute

because you want him to buy into you while having your kids in the witness

protection program because you want to trap him into being into you. It just

isn’t fair. Women who do this are desperate and insecure because they

figure that if the man knows about their kids then he’ll lose interest.

This kind of woman hides info about her life because she wants to cover any

evidence that she’s a mom. She figures being a mom will kill her chances of

men wanting to be with her so she pretends that she’s childless then drops

the bomb, “Ummm, I forgot to tell you about Johnny, Mary, Miley, Cutie,

Bobby, and Sally….they’re real cute and you’ll love them.”

The Girlfriend who shacks up forever

You may have heard me rant and rave about moving in with a man,

pretending to be his wife and giving him all of his hearts desires when he

might not be thinking about really being with you long term.

If you’re this kind of woman, you’ll agree to live with your boyfriend or

worse, buy a place with your man on the make belief way to the altar. You

swear up and down that he’s going to marry you and you’re just trying to get

things in order to prepare for your wedding. You do everything that a wife

does but you don’t have the ring.

And here’s where it gets messy. Maybe you spend countless nights crying

yourself to sleep. On days when you are PMSing, your emotions bring

everything to the surface and you wonder when he’s going to pop the

question. You may have become his business partner or deeply intertwined

in your relationship with this man but there’s one thing gone wrong, you

didn’t get your dream wedding. Your man is contented having you for his

comfort food.

I recently met a man who I knew was wickedly attracted to me. I must

admit, his charm stroked my ego real good, but he’s not the sort of man I

would ever settle with.

He was living with his girlfriend, they bought a house together. I asked him

straight up, “When are you going to marry that woman?” He gave me a

smirk. I said, “Man, I’d never let you get away with that. I’m not going to

live with no man, give him everything without a deeper investment. She’s

good.”

No, I didn’t hold back because I knew him very well. He looked at me like,

“Damn, you’re so right and you’re the type that I know wouldn’t put up with

crap like this.”

My comments actually pulled him towards me because deep on the inside he

knew that he was getting away with, um, a killing.

Maybe you’re the kind who did eventually get a ring but your man will put

up another road block to delay really tying the knot by making any excuses

possible. Because you’ve shown him all of you by living together, all of the

mystery is gone and he may now scare to death of marrying you.

He may be worried about the way you handle money or why you’ve settled

for wearing those washed out undies that you believe really gives your butt a

lift. It’s easier to love someone’s flaws when true love has progressed

through a number of stages and tested with time, not hurried infatuation

without substance like putting the cart before the horse.

But you’re going around showing off your ring while he stalls, excuses come

up, another year goes by and you’re still engaged. If you keep watching the

ring, it won’t magically make a wedding happen for you. If that were me

and it’s been a year with no plans, I’d give the ring back with a smile and

sashay outta there. Bye!

The Girlfriend who keeps it coming with sex and benefits

You’re a sex and benefiter. Your man does not call you his woman. You’ve

made that title for yourself by being his 3am booty call girl.

I spoke with a man who was very honest with me. He found me attractive

and we chatted on and off for weeks. He was very upfront about the way he

felt about sex and told me that it was something that he quite enjoyed. No

kidding.

He also told me that a friend of his would meet up with him over a two year

period and they would have uncommitted sex. I thought, “Hmmm.” Then I

told him that I don’t think a man could respect a woman who’d do that. He

said, “I don’t agree with that. She is one of the women I really respect and

as a matter of fact she’s going to be getting married this year and I’ll be

going to her wedding.”

Ok.

I didn’t push it with him any further. I just thought, “Sure you respect her.

You respect the fact that she was always up for a good screw and expected

nothing else from you. That’s what you REALLY respect!”

A sex and benefiter will have a man running around with anything on four

feet and still come back for sex. He may not have used a condom. If you’re

this woman, you may have performed all types of sexual acts with your man

at his request or accommodated different types of sexual arrangements.

Your man knows he will never have you for a wife and will try to “buy” his

sex from you by being extra charming even if his burnt-out conscience

catches up with him.

The Girlfriend on crack

You’re the drama queen who ALWAYS has an emergency. You make a

soft breeze seem like a twister because you are wired to go “off” when

things don’t go your way. You get into constant arguments with your man

or men about anything and you somehow believe that you are always right.

You’re a man bully who makes a case out of 2 plus 2. You’ll fight until you

draw blood and hold a shot gun to a man’s head demanding that he admit

that 2 plus 2 does not equal 4.

You may have been hurt several times in your past relationships and being

on the defensive is your way of protecting your turf.

When in a relationship, you don’t have a problem cussing his buddies off or

embarrassing your boyfriend and you may be on again, off again with him.

Your relationships usually follow a high then low. You go up and down on

an emotional roller coaster and the norm is just not reality for you.

The OM Girlfriend

You got yourself involved with another woman’s man and you’re waiting

for the day that he’ll leave his girlfriend/wife for you. You may even be like

that famous celebrity who steals attached men because you don’t have what

it takes to attract and keep a free man. You’re the Other Woman girlfriend.

You may be his anytime snack, take his crap, he uses you in the sack, and

you don’t believe you’re better than that.

He may complain about how much of a bitch his woman is, why she’s not

meeting his needs, how she looks like a rag doll, making you believe that

you are exceptionally special. You get off on the fact that he puts her down

in order to be with you. He has no respect for her and you can’t see that he

has none for you either. You really think that she’s the wicked witch and

he’s your knight in shining armor.

You may have waited around for him for a long time or seduced him to be

with you and you have no guilt because you have no shame. You wanted

him and he’s now yours. Your shame went out the window when you threw

out your self respect in order to settle for a man who only wants to be with

you at his own convenience.

You may even think you’re doing his wife/girlfriend a favor by being

someone who he can “get things off his chest” with. You really believe that

she’s not doing her job and that’s why he’s with you. If your man has kids,

you don’t have time to think about them. If he’s still “trap” by the wicked

witch, you may be waiting for something terrible to happen to her so that

you’ll finally have your man all to yourself - without that distraction.

You may also try to put pressure on your man to leave his wife/girlfriend

and year after year he keeps promising that he’s going to do it or he’s

actually stopped being a coward and left his woman for you. You may have

even met his wife/girlfriend or even deadlier than the atomic, you may be

her friend.

The Girlfriend who has her man on a leash

If you’re this kind of girlfriend you’re calling your man 24/7 – you have him

on speed dial. You want him to call you even if it’s been 5 minutes and he

needs to answer to you about what he’s done, who he’s been with, and

where he’s been. You’re his worst nightmare and he just doesn’t have the

guts to breakup with you, yet.

Your man will have you as the running joke with all of his buddies because

as soon as his cell phone rings, they’ll know its Mother Hen checking in.

You want him to say, “I love you” around his buddies for him to prove to

them that he’s really into you. Yuk! The truth is, he’s tired of you taking

him for a walk and he just wants to have a good long nap – away from you.

The Online Stalker who thinks she a man’s woman

You’ve signed up for online dating and came across a number of profiles.

But there is ONE man’s profile that you can’t seem to get out of your mind.

You may have made contact with him and you’re wondering why he hasn’t

been responding.

The thing is, you just don’t get that you should come off of the internet and

have a life instead of sending this man thousands of winks, trying to IM him,

sending your smiles and hoping that he’s going to really be into you.

You’re holding onto a fantasy of wanting a relationship from a picture of

someone who may happen to be the stalker type or who may have a history

of treating women like crap. He might also just be a really nice guy who

wants you to leave him alone.

You don’t know anything about this man, except what his profile tells you

but you’re hoping that you will become his woman so you spend your time

in grand delusions of a greater kind.

The Jealous Girlfriend – aka JG

You’re like the girlfriend who puts a leash on her man, but worse. You are a

fire breathing dragon who’ll embarrass your man or make him spread em’ so

you can search for evidence that he’s been with someone else.

You are truly convinced that he’s always into someone else and your man

always has to explain his actions to you or adjust his words to please you.

Truth is, he can never please you because you can’t be happy. Your man ran

out of happy pills and you’re running on empty trying to get him to fill you

up.

Deep on the inside you’re not complete and you want a man to fix the

broken part of you. You’ll get into arguments with him if he’s working with

a hot co-worker and if a woman accidentally flirts with your man, you’ll put

a “hex” on her.

The Insecure and Needy Girlfriend

Your man’s saturated by so much of you that he’s tired. You cannot stand

on your two feet and you feel threatened by other women who may appear to

have it together more than you. If you see a beautiful woman coming, you’ll

make sure you hang tight to put a claim on your man and to show her that

he’s yours. Your man may have disrespected you, talk down to you, treat

you like a doormat, or abuse you, but you don’t have enough self respect to

cut him loose.

You may have had a pattern of doing most of the work in your relationships

with men, being like a chameleon, running to China to get what he wants,

and accommodating him even if he’s cheated on you with other women.

You can’t say “no,” he has you acting like a “Ho,” and he knows he’s got

you good.

Your man has his cake, ice crème, rum and coke, whatever he wants, and

you’ll try to lock him down so that he’s not free to be with anyone else. You

may have gotten pregnant to hook him and he may still be out there running

around with your best friend but you love him so much and will wait for him

to get his act together.

Stand By My Man Girlfriend

Your boyfriend gets his regular workout all over your emotions and body.

No one can understand him but you. He loves you, he just has problems.

Your motto is, “I’ll stand by my man” even if he’s on the verge of killing

you, stomping you in the ground, always gives excuses and has an

explanation for things that just don’t add up.

You can’t read the signs written in the sky. Your friends might have told

you to get out now but you’ve got a hold on him and won’t let go. He

consistently makes you out to be a piece of crap not worthy enough to

breathe.

You’re more worried about protecting your reputation and his. You’re

afraid of what other people would think if they really found out and you

believe it’s not that bad and some other woman is an idiot for living in hell

with a psycho boyfriend.

The Controlling Girlfriend

So right from the start you had it all planned out that there were just some

things about your man that you absolutely couldn’t stand but you continued

being with him because you thought the good things outweighed the bad but

now you realize that the bad has gone to worse. And you didn’t want to be

without a man anyway.

You’re the kind who’ll take on a man like a project, determined that you will

change him if it’s the last thing you do. You tell him what to say, how to

eat, what clothes he should wear, how he should spend his money, or why he

shouldn’t talk to his sister. You complain that he’s unromantic, or even bold

enough to tell your girlfriends that he doesn’t do it right in bed.

You’re a perfectionist who wants the impossible to happen like your man

growing a full head of hair if he’s balding. Your man secretly thinks about

leaving you but you’re so arrogant, you don’t think something like that could

happen to someone like you.

The Woman’s Lib Girlfriend

You’re the woman who “do” modern like its going out of style. You’re

afraid to ever be thought of as June Cleaver and you make it very clear that

your career and lifestyle is more important to you than getting married and

starting a family.

In fact, the thought of having children is anti-you because you wouldn’t

want that to stand in the way of your career. “Nursing babies?” Yuk!

You’re saturated yourself in feminist ideals of “not NEEDING a man.” Men

can smell the fact that you don’t have time to meet their needs. The

relationship you have is with your career and plenty like you end up bitter

and lonely at the top.

The Girlfriend who becomes his Second Mom

Your man’s attraction for you went off the radar because you’ve become

mommy. It makes you feel good to be needed in that way.

You may have even started dressing the part of the bag lady mom who’s also

cousins with the controlling girlfriend but your control is more passive.

Of course you know everything. He can always count on you. You take his

mess and never complain plus you bake him his favorite cake just the way

he likes it.

He keeps you around because he doesn’t really want to grow up and need

someone to tolerate all of his immature and childish behaviors so that he

doesn’t have to be a real man.

The Girlfriend who’s like “The Decept-i-cons”

This kind of girlfriend is worst than a fire breathing dragon. She actually

crawls on her belly out of view so men can’t see her betrayal coming.

One day she acts like she’s really committed to her boyfriend and then she

drops the bomb. She has a slithering dead conscience, the kind who would

leave a man for his friend.

Should I say she’s evil or grossly selfish? She’s the kind who’ll secretly

start to develop feelings for her boyfriends’ buddies because she can’t be

satisfied with having the attention of one man. She may flirt with other men,

act as if she’s single, and does not really hold loyalty true to her heart.

Deep on the inside, she’s all about her. She’s ruthless and may take a man

for all he’s got or may even use a man’s sperm as her free ticket to him.

Men shake in their boots at the thought of being with this kind of woman

because they know that all a devil does is to rob you and leave you for dead.

Ex Girlfriend Girlfriend

We’ve all had our share of arriving at the end of a relationship where we

were either dumped or chose to move on. Being dumped unexpectedly or

betrayed is gut wrenching to say the least. You may have thoughts of

getting in the ring with your man to fight until you draw blood. I had a bad

breakup in 2006 and months of thoughts that could have landed me in jail.

As you can see, I’ve moved on to bigger and better things.

If you’re still trapped in the ex girlfriend zone, you may be thinking wicked,

evil, sinful thoughts of misfortune for the man who dumped you. It is

common to rebound by being in a relationship in order to feel loved and

validated, but it’s a waste.

It is because you’re still attached to your past and may be feeding your ego

of needing attention from the man you’re with while desperately hoping to

get back together with your ex. If you were betrayed, your breakup makes

you feel that you picked a loser and you’re left feeling used.

The feelings of being done wrong is like being banished to hell, especially if

you were with someone you thought was on the up and up, only to realize

he wanted a familiar friend. If you were faced with this kind of betrayal,

your boyfriend was basically a lazy imp who was too much a coward to

leave you first. He may have been sleeping with you and proclaiming his

undying love. Now you know he loved something else.

You may still feel bitter and resentful. You may find it hard to move

forward with your life because your man was supposed to be with you

forever.

The Long-Term Girlfriend

You gave up your power when you didn’t hold out enough to allow your

man to really work to win you over. He’s had no fears of losing you. His

love for you has never really been tested.

You’ve never pulled away far enough from your man to really know if

you’re the one he really wants. You may secretly hope that he wants

marriage but settled for the “girlfriend” role. Maybe you fear that if you

bring it up, it may change your relationship or change the way your man

feels about you.

Rocking the boat is not an option and you may have even moved in together

and put your life on hold while your clock ticks away. You’re sure that your

man knows that you want marriage. He just can’t seem to follow through

with making you his wife.

Chapter 1

Spiritual Chemistry and the awakening of the soul

This book is not for the serial dater, so if you’re the kind of woman who

hangs on to any man or become any man’s girlfriend, this book may not help

you.

Let me preface by saying that this is the sort of book that is written for a

woman who wants to find an intoxicating, vibrant, alluring and profound

connection with a man and desires a lasting commitment. You may have

already found this with your boyfriend and desiring to take your relationship

to the next level.

If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “Huh, profound

connection?”…you haven’t found it. Dump your man and create the sort of

energy that can pull this sort of connection in.

When you find this profound connection, you’ll have real chemistry. Real

Chemistry magnetizes someone to you and allows for a deeper, richer, more

fulfilling experience to flow. It literally pulls someone into your being.

And we can have connections with many on different levels…some have a

friendship kind of chemistry, physical kind of chemistry, some an emotional,

some spiritual….or combined.

But Chemistry with “The ONE” has a deeper inner spiritual awakening that

turns into heat, set your soul on fire, fill your inward desire, and bring you

into surrender. This kind of connection is what we often call, true love.

Chemistry with those who are potential friends remains on one level while

chemistry with “The ONE” carries a dance, beat, vibe, and energy…there is

something sacred about it. It transforms, woos, and is seductive, yet it does

not flow from the physical but opens up with force from the spiritual/soul -

A soul/spirit connection.

It is a powerful force - when the female energy dances with the male energy

– it moves beyond words and carry into heights unknown, beyond the

ordinary, everyday, normal, predictable, dull or average. It “fits” into layers

of the soul.

It feels untouchable yet you can touch it, it fills you up, draws you close, you

feel an inner “bop”…..alive, potent, intoxicating, alluring, fascinated, and

enthralled. It is just plain “cool.” There’s purity to it, a respect for it, and

adoration.

Force chemistry through the physical and it may elude you.

Manufacture it through emotional desperation and it may evade you.

Find true love and it will grip you

Not an unhealthy addiction

This sort of connection feels like your man has awakened you on the inside

much like the Prince kissing the Princess and waking her up like in the fairy

tales. Yet this sort of awakening is a dance, soul to soul, heart to heart. If

you don’t have it with the man you are with, you may have just fallen for a

simple attraction – a “feels good for now” type thing which may look real

because you have a few things in common.

But the sort of chemistry you must have is one that holds your destiny.

Meaning, this man was made for you and he fits into every part of your soul

with ease.

If you’re forcing it, rowing the boat to get it going, or it feels as if something

is missing, this is what is called, “a mediocre connection” not a deep soulful

one. Dump your man and quit settling.

Chemistry with “The ONE” is not an addiction to someone or a need to have

someone. It is a profound desire to NOT want to live without this sort of

passion in your life.

Here I go again about sex…early sex can trick you so that you think you

have a connection. You can be highly compatible with someone on the

physical level but unable to connect on a deeper soulful level and this

physical compatibility can feed a latent emotional desperation to NEED

someone at all cost.

Sometimes sex mimics this connection because you know as a woman, your

heart and soul are attached. In past relationships or the one you are presently

in, you may feel as though the man you’re with could be “The ONE”

because the sex is great and you have a number of things in common.

Understand that it is the intricacies and layers of a man that should awaken

you and among that are his physical attributes. If he can melt you, just by

his look or by one word, if his maleness inspires you, if he can see into you,

if this connection feels divine and fuels an inner passion, then you know that

you may have found a connection that is real.

When you feel this inner click, it is like a revelation and it makes your

search feel complete. It is the sort of spiritual formula that a successful,

lasting relationship can be built on.

Chapter 2

How to be a cool Girlfriend

A cool girlfriend is a woman who carries herself with so much class that it

calls a man up to being intrigued by her. A real man wants to feel that he’s

with a quality woman who he can really get excited about.

The way you respond to your man now will indicate to him whether he

wants to have you as a permanent part of his life and he deserves to get to

know whether you are right for him.

Sometimes women get into relationships and continue with a pattern that

will leave them looking like road kill. They continue to make the same

mistakes over and over again and then have a ME SAD pity party about why

they’ve been done wrong.

A cool woman is not uptight, she doesn’t appear as if she’s an FBI agent

with a man, and she definitely knows how to cook a man. Cooking a man is

quite simple you see, you’ve got to have a lot of sugar, spice, everything

nice plus the heels – and we’re not talking about sex here.

A cool girlfriend makes a man do the work to win her over while keeping an

ebb and flow that builds his attraction for her. If she’s really into him, the

relationship is really his idea.

The man is almost caught off guard by her reactions and she pumps up her

essence with such intensity that he eventually falls for her without knowing

quite what happened except one day he wakes up madly in love and can’t

see himself living without her.

But being the coolest is when you bait him, date him, make him pursue you

and bring him to the tipping point without sex in order to see if he is really

“The ONE” you want to spend the rest of your life with. You may not agree

with me here but that doesn’t mean you should stop reading my advice.

Then again….do what the heck you want.

When your essence hooks a man, he’ll be hooked for good. Are you the

kind of woman who can leave such an amazing mark on a man that he holds

you as one who he just can’t live without?

A man wants a woman who can grip him. He wants to be around a fun,

playful, charming, trustworthy, mischievous, and mysterious woman who

keeps him on his toes while lighting every single one of his burners[don’t

mean only the sex burners]until he explodes like fireworks in the sky. He

does not want a gossipy man hater, who is a full-time complainer. He’s not

looking to wipe up every tear because you’ve made him out to be your

girlfriend by always getting emotional before your period.

You’re a cool girlfriend when you are funny, sassy, sexy, respectful, and

appreciative. You have a life and plenty of boundaries set up around you and

you are accountable to the important women in your life. You’re pursuing

your goals, you’ve got dreams, things in the works and you’re on the go.

Basically a man does not own you – you have a full life and he just fits into

who you are and what you’ve already got.

When your man sees you, he doesn’t see his Great Grandma Thelma because

you take responsibility for looking like a hot woman. You don’t get so

comfortable with a man that you let yourself look like a thrift store model.

Not that there’s anything wrong with thrift stores. I bought a few things at a

thrift store before. Cool.

You maintain the same self care energy - taking care of you just as you did

the first day you met each other. You want to let your boyfriend know that

he can be proud of his woman and that you’ll always make yourself number

one. He wants to feel good when he’s with you.

Your man should feel safe opening up to you because you know how to

communicate with him in a way unlike any other woman. You don’t push,

push, push, ask him 100 times what he’s thinking, make assumptions, or

respond in a judgmental tone. You show him that he can trust you even if

he’s done something that you’re not proud about. Your man should never

and I repeat never have a better way of communicating with ANY other

woman but his mom and you.

You keep your options open even while dating him so that if he shows that

he’s not the one for you, you can dump him and move on to finding the man

who’s made for you. Always remember that you deserve true love.

Chapter 3

Wear the girlfriend title but keep the exit door open

Men already know that many women are just dying to have the “girlfriend”

title. Some women go around with a sign that says, “Pick me! Pick me!”

and others may even be so pitiful as to flaunt their desperation in a man’s

face by looking like the girls from the red light district.

The desperate girlfriend will do anything to please and keep a man and her

man never doubts if she’ll stay with him. You want to be the kind of

girlfriend that keeps a man wondering.

Don’t get me wrong, your man should be able to trust you but he should

never feel that you’ll always be his waiter girlfriend. He should know that

there are just some things that you will never tolerate from a man which will

earn him the “this-is-why-you’re- not-with-me” status in no time flat.

When a man knows that you won’t lie on the floor and take dirt, he will

respect you far more than if you’re like a trained parrot.

There are two things that you should burn on your man’s brain:

He should know that you’re still deciding whether you want to be with him

long-term. Meaning if certain things show up while dating, you’ll respect

yourself enough to leave him alone.

Chapter 4

How we teach men to relate to us

Many women settle for the “girlfriend for now” title in temporary disposable

relationships with just enough superficial affection to make themselves feel

good. They teach men that they don’t have to be responsible for anything

but a good orgasm.

There are plenty of women who have not clearly understood that lowering

their expectations have caused men to remain in an emotionally premature

adolescent stage so they try to beat commitment out of men with a whip.

They become the gossipy man bashing, controlling, nagging, superstitious,

crazy drama queens who holds men hostage by demanding romance and a

long-term commitment.

If a man is emotionally absent, he’ll go through plenty of shallow bump and

grind sessions or wasted relationships until he grows up, breaks through into

a deeper meaningful existence and wants to commit to having a long-term

relationship.

No amount of words or “things” can make him get there until he’s ready.

Meaning your sex, erotic toys, pleading, showers of gifts, and mama

treatment won’t cause him to be the kind of man who’ll be able to meet your

emotional needs. Heard about women who try to hook men by becoming

pregnant? This is just the same if a man has to fight hard to get away from

you because you’re trying to get your webs around him.

If a man meets a quality woman in his toddler existent stage, he won’t have

the capacity to treat her with class. He doesn’t have what it takes to really

work to win her heart, and he will rather settle for a low class doormat

who’ll deny herself in order to meet his selfish, self absorbed needs. Years

may go by before he really gets it. If you want to be a cool girlfriend, you’ll

stay away from being a man’s lapdog.

Is your boyfriend an emotionally intelligent and stable man or is he a self

obsessed weapon of mass? My theory is that men really are not afraid of

commitment, they just don’t commit to women they don’t fear (I’ll explain

the meaning of “fear” later). When a man knows that you just can’t live

without him, you’re dead to him.

You’ll mean nothing, and no amount of begging will get you into his heart.

It’s better to be alone than to have the feeling that at least you have

someone. It doesn’t matter which way you slice it, you really don’t have

your man if you don’t have his heart.

The sad truth is that plenty of quality women have to wait on some men to

become real men who’ll go past the low class one-dimensional way they

have learned to respond to women into wanting a deep and meaningful long-

term relationship. I am not suggesting that you put your life on hold for these

types of men, just letting you know that you shouldn’t waste your time

trying to get a boy to grow into a man.

Chapter 5

The Key to Being Irresistible = artfully resist

If you want to heighten a man’s attraction and deepen his connection to you,

you must maintain an aura of always slightly being out of his reach. Think

about it as waves in the ocean crashing against rocks. The water comes in

and increases its intensity against the rocks then it pulls back. Each time the

waves come in, its force is different but its effect, powerful.

Many women kill a man’s attraction for them by allowing a man to get right

into their space but not allowing him to pull away or not gently coaxing him

away.

Building attraction is all about resistance. Resistance increases the feelings

of attraction in a man towards you because it stimulates his natural desire to

pursue you.

Resistance = Irresistible.

When a man comes close, you’ll naturally want him to keep coming towards

you but you must learn how to build anticipation by elevating his

expectations. Bring him close then gently push him back. Never allow him

to continuously push in to you without leaving him wanting more. Allow

him to unfold you.

Don’t always be available for your boyfriend to have full access to you,

hang off of you 24/7, know the exact details of your every move, see you in

your worst state i.e., like wearing baggy, frumpy clothes, unshaven legs that

an animal can scratch on, bad breathe that would kill even a baby’s smile or

being too out of control emotionally. If you know you become like a fire

breathing dragon just before your period, take a leave of absence from your

boyfriend but never let him know that it’s because of PMS. EVER!

The sure fire way to have a man vexed is to act like a drill sergeant or a

prison guard. This kind of behavior is not resistance, its overkill and yes,

oh, yes, as nice as you may appear to be at times, you will not get the

attention of a man if he doesn’t know which side of you will come out to get

him.

I know you are NOT Barbie, and neither am I, but keeping the mystery alive

is critical to moving into deeper stages of intimacy.

If he wants to see you every night, come up with some excuse why you

can’t, like…you’ve got your own life equals, “Hon, I’m really busy tonight,

can we get together next week?” Make a date with yourself instead and hold

off seeing him until the following week.

Temper his need to be close and you’ll find that he will be even more locked

onto you when you’re not that available. This is what I call the Law of

Scarcity - If something isn’t that available, its price goes up.

The goal is not to frustrate your man and cause him to begin to resent you.

You have to learn how to be a pro at this…which is also called the art of

Chapter 6

How learning the art of detaching will make you a catch

When I was in high school, I was brainwashed with feminist ideas of “not

NEEDING a man.” This whole philosophy was about empowering women.

Empowerment is great, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of disrespecting the

male energy. Men have a primary need of being needed.

These ideas need to be grounded in a respect for the masculine need or there

will not be enough maturity to have proper balance when it comes to relating

to men. It is both a respect for self as well as respect for having a healthy

relationship with the opposite sex.

If you’ve read my definition of the “Woman’s Lib” girlfriend, you know by

now that she’s the kind of woman who turns men off so much so that she

usually end up lonely and bitter.

There is nothing wrong with wanting independence and financial freedom

but you have to know where to draw the line. When I speak about

detaching, I mean having a graceful attitude of self confidence that will

cause you to not be a needy and insecure woman who settles for any Joe on

the go. If you’ve learned the art of detaching, it means that you feel

complete with or without a man in your life.

You are in tune with your feminine essence and you exude real passion and

strength. You are not the kind of woman with so much garbage that you

need an incinerator and you are open and free with men so that your energy

pulls quality men in while pushing away the men who do not deserve you.

A desperate woman will do anything to make a man love her. She sits

around and throws tantrums. She complains that men do not pay her any

attention, how her biological clock ticks so loud you can hear it from outer

space, and has a diary full of the number of Jerks that did her wrong.

She’s the kind of woman who leaches on to men and make them responsible

for her happiness. Call her the ATTACHER! She usually lives for men, not

her own life. She NEEDS men and it is that she NEEDS men that she often

sabotages her relationships, get dumped or if she’s ready to date, can’t seem

to attract the right one. There are some who are 35 plus who have too many

lists, a man wouldn’t be able to fit in. They are too detached and men can’t

find them a catch.

And you will have to take some time to think about whether you have a way

of getting in your own way when it comes to drawing true love towards you.

You have a boyfriend now, but will you become an ATTACHER or will you

be the kind of woman who practices detachment?

When you practice detachment, it means you get busy with living your life,

pursuing your dreams, taking care of you, and give your boyfriend the

freedom to do the same for himself while being open to building a

relationship that could turn into a marriage.

Being happy, carefree, laidback, fun, passionate, ambitious, caring,

sensitive, sensual, and kind are just some of the qualities that men search for

when they think about long-term. These qualities translate into being a

woman who’s artfully detached, a woman who can hold her own. If you

pretend to be all of this just to keep your man, eventually, the real you will

show up and sorry to be blunt but he should dump you if you’re not who you

say you are.

The more balance you carve into your life and relationships, the better off

you’ll be. Give your boyfriend the space he needs to pull even closer to you.

When you are “absent” from him enough but continue to leave a mark on

him, he’ll have no choice but feel you in his heart and soul. Because who

can compare with a virtuous woman?

Chapter 7

How to test his emotional intelligence

The way to test a man’s EI is to see whether he meets your emotional needs

without having to beg it from him. If you consistently feel like number 1,

your man’s meeting your needs. If you don’t then you’re wasting your time.

If you’re begging, you should dump him. Reason: he’s not in tune with your

needs and if he’s not there, you shouldn’t have to hold a gun to his head to

convince him to give you his attention.

Forget about feelings for a minute and think about whether you want to

continue having to do all of the work and row this boat. I’d rather row a

boat all by myself than having to drag around dead weight anytime.

If you’ve been dating for a while and it feels right to you, imagine what life

will be outside of your romantic ideals. This should not be about, “And they

lived happily ever after.” Living happy has more reality in it than romance.

Your EI checklist:

 Are you his priority?
 Do you feel adored?
 Does he remember special events like your birthday and truly

celebrate you?

 Does he “get” you?
 Do you trust him?
 Is he emotionally present?

 What do family/friends say about him?
 How does he treat people, family, and friends?
 Do you feel like the luckiest woman alive or are you yearning for a

magic spell to get him fine tuned to what you really long for?

 Does he speak to you with respect?
 Does he acknowledge and validate your feelings?
 Has he ever lied to you?
 When you disagree, does he withdraw emotionally without caring

about your feelings?

 Is he really a giving person?
 What is his outlook on life?
 Is he generally happy and upbeat?
 Does he have passions outside himself, a desire to make a difference,

to give back?

 Does he have solid friendships?
 Does he have a healthy emotional bond with his mother/family?
 Is his family normal?
 What were his past relationships like – was it always the woman’s

fault why it didn’t work out?

 How does he deal with his Ex if they share kids together? Is she the

bitch?

 Does he blame other people constantly?
 Does he beat you?
 Does he verbally abuse you?
 Does he prefer a long-term live-in arrangement over marrying you?
 Has he ever cheated on you or in his past relationships?

Chapter 8

Why men rarely change

The first opposite sex relationship a man usually has is with his mother. If

this foundation is not a healthy one, a man cannot truly know how to love

and cherish you. Some men, who did not have the opportunity with a birth

mom around, did the work or found maternal bonding with aunts, grandmas,

mentors etc.

When the missing piece of a woman’s unconditional love was never formed

in a man, he will not know how to love you forever.

I recently spoke with a woman who was married for over 40 years. Take it

from someone who’s had experience. She told me that if a man does not

know how to love and respect his mother, he will NOT know how to love

and respect his wife/women and this has nothing with being a mama’s boy.

Some women would rather hold to a man than take wise advice.

I don’t care if he brings gold to your feet everyday – if you unlock him and

look deep within his core, you will see who he really is on the inside. This is

why I tell women to not rush sharing every layer of themselves with a man –

let him tell his own story by giving him time to reveal who he really is.

The groundwork of his personality was formed before 7 according to pop

psychology. If he had a bad childhood, that’s a good indicator that he may

still be messed up. Feel sorry for him all you want and keep hanging on.

It’s hard for people to change and men are good at not changing for anyone.

In fact, women usually act how they think men want them to act more often

than men for women.

If he ignores you now, he’ll continue to ignore you. If he shows you he’s a

dog, he’s still going to have four legs 10 years from you.

A man’s ego usually stands in between him being a better man. Men usually

don’t want to admit they have problems because it’s not manly to do so and

they would rather change themselves than having other people tell them to

change.

If a man is too weak to make a change, he’ll never be the man that he could

be. He’ll always do life from his weak self instead of rising to be the hero

that he could be. But you can’t make him see it, believe it, think it, feel it,

spell it or do it.

It has to be his journey, his adventure, his pursuit, so if you’re wanting for

your boyfriend to change, you should change and get another boyfriend. I

know you love him but so what!

Chapter 9

Why a man must fall for you first

When a man wants to have a relationship he’ll do whatever it takes to try to

convince the woman he’s interested in. He’ll literally try to charm his way

into your heart and make it clear that he wants you. If you’re uncertain

about the way your boyfriend feels about you or you are working at trying to

convince him to want you, you’re not treating yourself like a Queen and

he’ll just follow your lead. Stop dating him.

It’s a modern world, but it’s not equal on the playing field when it comes to

the dynamics of male/female courtship. Men should pursue women and fall

in love first.

If this does not take place in a relationship between a man and woman, the

woman is at a critical disadvantage because of the way men and women are

wired.

On a more instinctual level, men are wired to push forward using their innate

biological need to reproduce. Because men respond to their inner drive to

“plant their seed” a woman’s job is to respond to him in such a way that she

ensures that he has a deep emotional connection to her before surrendering

to his drive to have sex “NOW.”

Women are generally wired to want security from relationships and often

look at relationships with the end in mind. If you want to take your

boyfriend to your instinctual need for “FOREVER” artfully cause him to

come to the tipping point where he falls in love with you and get hooked on

the idea of being with you forever.

If a man does not fall in love, him being with you is all about having or

waiting out for a good screw. Sex alone has nothing to do with love.

When a man is pursuing you, you have the power to accept or reject his

advances and you need to retain your power even after you decide to be his

girlfriend because he will not get to home base until he gives up the

opportunity to pursue other women in order to make you his “forever”

woman. If he’s only in the, “Damn, this feels good” stage he won’t have the

kind of bond that will cause him to be your forever man.

Giving up the pursuit to commit only to you is what you truly deserve. You

may enjoy his company, love to do things together, and share a special

connection but if he’s not willing to give up the pursuit to be with you

forever, you are not that special to him yet. You’re only good for NOW. If

you’re in this position with a man and you’re thinking that he will be your

lifetime partner even though he’s made no indication of this, get out of

dreamland and face reality.

Generally men fall in love with having great sex or making out faster than

actually falling in love – the kind that leads to a real commitment. Because

men give up their freedom slowly and methodically - like launching a shuttle

and checking/double checking to make sure that all of the calculations are

correct - you need to make sure that he stays in a zone where he’ll have a

chance to have a deep emotional attachment.

Bond with your man outside the bedroom by doing things together that will

deepen your attachment. Share activities together, try new things together,

talk about your passions/dreams, etc. Basically, involve each other in

interests that will cause you to grow together so that you can develop into

deeper stages of intimacy.

Just because you have the girlfriend position doesn’t mean that he wants you

for a wife. If you can hold out enough to build his anticipation and cause his

desire for you to be red hot, then you’ll cause him to come to a tipping point

where he’ll begin to fall in love – with everything that’s unique about you.

When a man can get away with not having to show what he’s got, he’ll take

the easy way out. He’ll respond with his lazy ass self and become like a

giant manmade stone. A smart girlfriend holds out in order to test her man’s

character so that he can prove to her that he’s “THE MAN” – not a sex

starved beggar who fell out of a tree.

This is why giving your man a chance to prove himself is critical before

spending time with him becomes all about doing the bump and grind.

What you’re trying to see is whether he has what it takes, whether he truly

deserves you. If you’re dating a man and he did not come to the tipping

point, do not try to bring him there yourself. This sort of behavior is

forbidden. Why? You shouldn’t manipulate with words or attitude

demanding commitment.

Chapter 10

He makes your toes curl but you should make him wait – the critical
ingredient to enhancing his emotional and spiritual connection to you.

Giving men sex without them giving women commitment has pretty much

become the norm in today’s culture. Women need to make men work to win

them over. If you’ve read my eBook, I’m Not That Kind of Woman, you’ll

see that I went on and on about why it’s important to make men wait. Not

because I am a self proclaimed virgin who’s never had sex with a man.

Been there done that, was married for 9 years, now single and still want

some good cheesecake.

I am an extremely sensual woman in my prime and recently made a

connection with an incredible man. But as incredible as he is, nothing would

cause me to share myself with him in a profoundly intimate way unless he

was my spouse. I truly believe that he should deserve me that much and

there are a lot of psychological reasons why leveraging will increase your

worth and value in a man’s eye.

You may be thinking, “Well, that’s your rule, not mine.” Let me emphasize

that, in all respects, I am not a robot, but feels things very deeply and

express my affections without inhibitions; however, if you understand a

man’s natural drive and how your heart and body are attached, then you may

begin to give it a second thought.

This is why it is fatal to be with a man who does not have the ingredients of

being your spiritual/long-term life partner. Every time sleep with a man

who’s not “The ONE” you’ll only scrape away at your heart leaving you

open to emotional trauma. If while dating you find out that he’s not a good

fit, you should dump him and date around until you find that fit and I

advocate dating around without sleeping around.

Having a physical attraction to a man is not enough, nor having a few things

in common. You job is to date around until you find a man who awakens

you so that he fits into the purpose for your life.

How many have failed and felt cheapened because they fell into their

feelings and ended up with nothing? I am not saying that it is a guarantee

that keeping that sacred part of me will turn out for the best, but at least my

heart and conscience will be quieted to know that any man didn’t dip his

stick in me and made me his flavor for the day – “No, honey, this is not for

sale!” “If you want easy sex, go and get it from the booty girl crowd.”

Giving him sex won’t make him love you more – he can love sex and not

love you. This is the way he’s wired. He can be physically attracted to you

and not love you. He can love to be around you and not love you. If he falls

for you, if he loves your essence, if he’s emotionally hooked on the thing

that makes you (YOU), if you have a deep spiritual connection, he will want

to take your relationship into a forever status.

I have had the chance to speak to a quality married men who felt sorry for

women who lost their sex in a men without a “forever” commitment. He

adores his wife of 20 years. While driving into town with his wife, he began

to share with me how men are really wired. He said, “Trust me Nicole, I

didn’t want to admit this to my wife but she made me see it, men are like

predators.”

He continued to tell me that men are partly driven by instincts and women

need to understand this instinct to have an advantage. When women are

easy with men, they find it hard to respect them. He said that respect is the

key that causes him to adore his wife because she is a secure woman who

often offers him a challenge. Without this sort of resistance, a man can’t

really appreciate what he’s got because he’s wired to be a worker. When

men work for something, they add value to it.

You may end up with men who won’t confess this inner secret because they

don’t want you to know how vulnerable they really are. But if you’ve been

married or spoke to men who will dish it out, you’ll begin to get a picture

about the inner secrets of men.

I watch a pretty delicious romantic comedy recently. I give it 10 stars

because the woman who became the man’s love interest was his best friend

who wouldn’t put up with his crap. The super greatest part is that she was

an attractive woman who was in his life as a friend but she didn’t sleep with

him like the other easy girls. He had plenty of beautiful women who slept

with him.

But this woman understood him and stayed away from being that kind of

friend. She remained his friend – not his friend with benefits, and this gave

him a chance to grow up past being a horn dog to realize that all of the easy

women weren’t for him.

Some women can’t wait for this to take place so they quickly accept the

girlfriend role and give their boyfriend sex hoping that his will keep him

around. A man can be physically attracted to you without an emotional

attachment. You bring him to decide to fall in love with you based on how

much value you place on yourself.

If he’s good looking and you continue to look at him with desperate longing,

then he’ll know he’s got you hooked. But if you act like he’s not all that

while remaining friends then he’ll wonder why he’s superman and you’re

not falling for him like all the other girls.

Whether you agree with my opinion or not, sex for a man can be different

than it is for a woman. So although many women believe that men have

more options, they really don’t if plenty of women smarten up.

Because men are usually trying to open women up so that a woman can feel

secure enough to surrender to him, she has the power over whether she will

keep her sex or give it away.

If you’re the kind of girlfriend who already has your man on his second

season of sex, then you’re not giving him any reason to work towards

proving that he could really be the man of your dreams.

Chapter 11

How a man decides that you’re “The ONE”

Infatuated (love) can happen at first sight. You meet someone and there is

the feeling of an instant deep connection. You somehow feel in tune with

this person and surprisingly drawn in by their energy. This usually happens

unexpectantly.

Other types of love can develop overtime, but primarily you want a man to

have agape (unconditional) love for you because this is the only foundation

where true love can last.

When a man decides you’re the one for him, this means that he’s not only in

love with you but he has enough love in his heart to support a long-term

commitment with you.

I recently spoke with a man who told me 3 women were willing to come

with him when he had to leave town to relocate because of his job. I told

him, I’d never move for a man. He told me that when he finds that special

woman he feels is “The ONE” she won’t have to ask him, he’ll make it clear

that he wants to be with her forever.

These women just wanted a boyfriend and placed themselves in this man’s

heart. They were willing to sacrifice themselves for him. A smart woman

knows better.

Now that you’re his girlfriend, he’ll likely want to keep you in hibernation to

see whether or not you have what it takes to commit to you further. Some

men know right away and some take their time because they value their

freedom and don’t want to crap their pants knowing that they made a bad

decision.

If a man is putting you in hibernation, it is a type of waiting period much

like a baby who hides and develops in a womb. A man wants time to watch

you, to check and double check that you won’t turn out to be his worst

nightmare. Men must be impregnated with love for a woman and it takes

time for a man’s affection for you to go from his body to his soul.

You need to allow him to take this journey on his own without holding a

shut gun to his head by having the talk about where your relationship is

going. Don’t ever have the talk with a man – a smart man will dump a

woman who’s trying to define where the relationship stands and rightly so.

A man wants to feel that you respect and appreciate him - that he’s not being

used by you to get ahead so he may test you in ways that shows up the real

you. For example, if it’s been past six months and he takes you out to a nice

restaurant, he’s looking for whether you’re going to complain about the

service or appreciate his efforts. If the food was bad and you can’t shut up,

it will make him feel like he can’t please you. It’s better for him to say it

was crap.

When he consistently feels like he can’t please you, he won’t feel that he can

make you happy and the number 1 thing a man wants to feel is that he can

make a woman happy. If he can’t feel that he can make you happy, he will

feel incompetent as a man. He’s looking for someone who makes him feel

manly. But that’s not to say that you should a little “d” girl. A real man

wants a strong woman who knows how to be feminine yet has the ability to

hold her own.

Are you the one he feels an amazing connection with on all levels and do

you fit into his values/lifestyle, family/friends/future? These are the sort of

questions on a man’s mind. In order for a man to pick you, he must feel like

he’s never been with a woman quite like you and he could never go back to

anything else.

You know how a man has to “find” himself so to speak? Well it is much the

same as falling in love with you. A man must capture the love for you in his

heart until it burns him up. And you want him to burn, hot on fire for you,

so that everything about you penetrates his inner being.

He has to stumble upon a realization that you’re the woman who he HAS to

be with forever and the best way for this to happen is when he has a chance

to feel both the fear of losing you and an indescribable passion for having

you in his life.

Chapter 12

What is “fear and passion?”

Creating fear is not about having your man literally afraid of you but making

him know what should be burned on every female’s brain – which is also

technically called – having self respect.

It’s him knowing that he cannot and should not take you for granted, that

you will leave him in the dust if he crosses the “reasons to dump a man”

line, and make him have regrets for more than 1000 years if he were ever

dumb enough to do something stupid.

When a man has no fear, then he’ll have no respect which in turn causes him

to try to get the house, car, Iphone, booty sex, a little somethin’ somethin’,

laptop, and flat screen TV for free. Plus, he’ll verbally, mentally,

psychologically put you down, treat you like trash, take a few, move in with

you, when people ask he’ll say, “who?” or keep you for his long-term

girlfriend. I know, I know, you may disagree here. Its ok, I love you

anyway.

The next time you listen to your married/attached girlfriends go off about

their man, listen for how they talk about their man and you’ll tell whether

their man has “fear and passion” for them.

When you love yourself enough to demand being treated like a queen, you

don’t go around being a dog who barks to get attention. You insist on it by

the way you treat yourself. If your man pouts, you’re still happy. If he

doesn’t like your choice of clothes, you wear them anyway. If he tries to

push your buttons, you call him out and you don’t give him makeup sex if he

has done something wrong and won’t say he’s sorry.

When a woman cherishes herself, she acts like a rare gem. She doesn’t give

anything away for free. She makes a man work to win her heart, and she

doesn’t let her entire world hang on his opinion. This kind of attitude will

create a healthy fear in a man’s heart which will cause him to “adore” you.

This fear is the foundation on which respect is built. A man will keep

thinking, “She’s so different, could she slip away?” or “I’m falling in love

with her, I don’t want to lose her.”

When a man respects a woman, he can feel passionate about the things that

are unique to her. She creates passion by being a unique version of herself,

not a carbon copy of a fake she-man who hijacks him into a relationship.

Her life is meaningful, she does the things that contribute to her happiness

and to the people around her, and she is a spiritually balanced woman who

adds value to the lives of others.

Your personal passion awakens his masculine energy and he’ll begin to fall

in love with the things that are unique to you. You appreciate and respect

him, he feels manly when he’s with you and there is also an intoxicating

sexual chemistry when you are together.

You fuel the passion by the necessary space that he needs to continue his

pursuit until he falls into heat over you and wants to be with you forever.

You respond with a kind of resistance by being available but being elusive.

This kind of response just happens naturally if you’re living from your inner

essence.

You pull him in, then hold back, then remain a mystery, then become

unavailable which makes him wonder, throwing his heart into good chaos

which helps test it to see if there is real love there for you. If he did not find

this passion for you, then he’s with you for the wrong reasons.

If you’re the kind who sits around making house with a man for a

millennium, being old dependable, and nagging him to death, then it’s time

to make a change. Stop wasting your time dating your man and start to

make room in your life for a quality man who wants to make you his #1.

Chapter 13

Creating Fear

Ever heard of the kind of the woman who’s with a man, really cares about

him, has the ball in her court and couldn’t care less about trying to hook him

in even though she wants a long-term commitment? If you’re not this kind

of woman, then your man may not have any fear or passion for you.

You have to be the kind of woman who can tell your man like it is without

coming across like a female Hitler. You’ll turn him on when you can “speak

your mind” while being charming. You must show him that you are a gutsy

woman who does not make false threats. If you say you’re going to do

something, then you should follow through.

For example, if he’s always running late and you’ve communicated that

you’ll make plans to do something else if he’s not on time, then you should

do it without calling him to tell him that you’re making plans because he

didn’t show up. Men need to be shocked into good behavior.

If your boyfriend has never thought of you as a sassy woman, you’re not

being a cool girlfriend. You’re just kissing his rear end in order to make him

marry you. A cool girlfriend is a woman who can offer her man a real

challenge. And men will leave when they don’t have the kind of struggle

that causes them to have renewed respect over and over again.

I am not advocating for you to be a domineering wrench, you’ve got to be

the sort of woman who will have your boyfriend know that you’re not stuck

on him like superglue - this is how to create true fear which equates to

respect.

Fear Creation Tips

1. Do not be instantly available every time your boyfriend wants to go

out with you, call you, email you, or tries to get in touch with you. If

you think this is about playing a game, then you don’t know how to

create value in the heart of someone else. Anything that is easily

available loses value. Don’t go running to the phone like you’re

going for Olympic gold. He’s only a man for crying out loud!

2. Change your look every six months to a year. Upgrade your style,

wear a different perfume, get a new haircut and make sure your

accessories say “I’m in love with me.”

3. When you get into disagreements, take the high road and don’t give in

just because you don’t want to rock the boat. A decent amount of

boat rocking is good for a man’s soul.

4. If he keeps doing something that bugs you, don’t talk about it

anymore. Follow through with a plan that will cause him to wonder if

you’ve been snatched away by a harlequin man to Hawaii for a few

days. He needs to feel that way.

5. Speak once, follow through twice!

6. If he crosses the line by acting like a man who hasn’t eaten for days,

let him have a couple of weeks to think it through. Meaning, don’t

call him to nag him about respecting you or pick up the phone if its

him who’s calling. Respect yourself first.

7. Have a sense of humor like a real Hottie who’ll cause him to not quite

know if you’re always serious about serious matters. Say things in a

sly, mischievous, playful matter. For example, if he’s talking about

going away with you for a few days, joke around by saying, “Hmmm,

you know I was thinking of spending sometime away with Doug so I

don’t know if I can go with you!” He’ll be thinking, “Who’s Doug?”

8. Act as if he hasn’t quite got you even if he’s the most wonderful,

sincere, amazing man you’ve ever met.

9. Speak your mind but be respectful of his opinions.

10.Call him out if he’s trying to wiggle his way out of a situation but let

him hear it with respect.

11.Dump him if he deserves it.

Chapter 14
Creating Passion

A man can be passionate about you when you have the ability to bring out

the man in him unlike any other woman while living a supercharged life

outside of him. He secretly wants to know that you can get inside his head,

challenge him to be a better man without being his mother, and that you

won’t tolerate his crap.

When you are a woman who has passions in life without trying to convert

him to your way of seeing things, then he’ll respect you for not making him

an inner city project. Men hate it when women try to change them. They

have a “try-to-change-me-and-I’ll-dump-you” built in switch.

You have to be a woman who has something to live for, who exist outside of

him and who’ll make decisions that are in your best interest while still

communicating to him that you care.

Men are passionate about women who are different without being weird.

This kind of woman has a different way of seeing things but she is not

arrogant about it. She doesn’t appear to be a superior feminist who’ll

emasculate him but treat him as an equal and has a high degree of respect for

his masculine energy.

If your life if flat, you are skating on thin ice. You’re making your life all

about him and although he may love the feelings of being comfortable with

this sort of arrangement, don’t be surprised if he begins to withdraw in order

to search for a challenge.

If he is already withdrawn, he’s just waiting for something more interesting

to come along or may have already gone fishing. If you don’t suspect he’s

gone fishing, you can pull him back in by creating a fascinating life outside

of your relationship without telling him why you’ve made these decisions.

For example, you can say, “Honey, I’ve decided to volunteer for helping to

build homes for needy families.” This alone will make him wonder why

you’re making the sort of life change and will renew his interest.

Passion Creation Tips

1. If you’re not in tune with what you were created to do on planet earth,

begin your search immediately and find your mission.

2. Have a BIG life outside of him. If you haven’t done anything lately,

do something for charity. Find a new hobby like taking salsa classes.

You’d be surprise how doing something new will cause him to be

even more stuck on you.

3. Follow your dreams and achieve your goals. Don’t ever let a man

stand in the way of following your dreams nor change your goals just

to please him. If he’s not aligned with your life’s goals, he may not

be the man for you.

4. Spend time making a difference in the lives of other people but make

sure that he knows that your relationship is priority and actually make

it a priority.

5. Understand him like no one else does. Do memorable and unique

things for him.

6. Celebrate him, not necessarily what he’s got. Place more emphasis on

who he is as a man by not missing a special occasion.

7. He should know that you respect and appreciate him. Show your

appreciation for his opinions and his hard work.

8. Take a break from him by getting away with girlfriends, be passionate

about taking care of yourself and he’ll follow suite.

9. Live a happy life free of consistent complaints and make him aware

that he makes you happy, if he really does.

10.Always pursue personal growth and self improvement.

11.Stick to your personal values and don’t ever compromise them for

him or anyone else.

Chapter 15

When a Man falls in love

When a man falls in love, there is absolutely no doubt in his mind that he

wants to be with you. In fact, his desire for you burns him up. There are no

and’s, ifs, or but’s…he’ll want you….BAD!

He can feel it in every part of his being. He feels helpless when he thinks

about how much he cares about you and excited at the same time. When

he’s in love, you literally hold the keys to his heart. You can make him or

break him.

A man’s true love is powerful. It is consuming and has the power to ignite

and awaken you. He’ll have a pulsating desire for you, he’ll be able to feel

his desire for you in his soul, it will consume him, he won’t be able to get

you out of his mind, and he’ll want you with every fiber in his body. He’ll

long for you, ache to have you close, and think about spending his life with

you

His love for you fuels your potential because he believes in everything you

are and everything you can be.

He’ll support you and cover you. He’ll sacrifice, he’ll lay himself down for

you and he’ll always be in your corner. You won’t have to beg for his time,

he’ll give it freely. He’s in tune with what you want, your desires, your

needs, your passions and he’ll step up to the plate for you. He’ll want to be

Chapter 16

How to deal with disagreements

Having a man thinking that he’s always right is what the insecure girlfriend

does but you’re not that kind of girlfriend. Your man must know that you

have an opinion and will hold your own.

When you disagree, take the high road and this will naturally cause him to

have his back against the wall. Call him out without cussing him out by

asking questions. Questions get you what you want - Statements get you

into more arguments.

Saying things like, “you always or “you never” will cause a man to shut

down so fast that he’ll most likely stone wall you. Asking questions is

easier said than done when you’re in the heat of the moment but remember

that the person asking questions is the one who is in charge of the

conversation.

So if he makes a statement, then you could say, “Would you clarify what

you meant by XYZ? Or if he accuses you of something, then you could say,

“Is that what you really think?” When you’re the one asking the questions,

it puts the ball back in his court and keeps you in control of you.

And if you really just need to go off on your man, then roll up your sleeve,

look him in the eyes and walk. When a woman walks, it causes a man to

tremble. He’s looking for her to get into a cat fight but she’s proving that

she’s in control of her emotions which makes him shudder. A man is used

Chapter 17

Female nagging equals Male rebellion

If you nag, please stop. If you intend to nag, don’t! If you’re going to live

your life nagging your man, he should dump you and you should be single.

Men will literally want to give me thousands of dollars for writing this

chapter. This is because nagging is a serious female disease. You’re not his

mama and he’ll lose the attraction that he once had for you.

When you nag, he’ll respond to you like a toddler and act out. He’ll rebel

because he wants a Hottie not a Mommy. You’ll lose your edge and slowly

kill his desire for you, and then you’ll wander why you ended up dumped.

Again!

It is because you don’t want to listen…you think you know it all and you

always want to be right.

Well you’ll be right when your man goes right out the door.

Men hate nagging. They despise it. They don’t like it when a woman tries

to change them, blame them, guilt them or fault them.

Actually they want to believe that they are always right. We know they are

not.

But there is a difference in wanting to believe that and actually trying to

always act as if you’re always right.

If you don’t stop, he’ll go look for an easy going, drama free, baggage free,

and stress free relationship. Guaranteed!

“But he loves me!”

Well he might love you but he won’t put up with your superior domineering

attitude for long. Trust me, he won’t.

If you’re thinking about what you can do to make your relationship better

and you think it’s trying to change him, you’re wrong. It’s actually

changing you. Being woman enough to stop throwing tantrums!

If he’s not doing what you want, get a new boyfriend or get lost. Go away

for a while and don’t call. But don’t ever try to change him or you’ll

unleash the beast.

Want to know the art of influencing a man? Tame the beast by showing him

that you appreciate everything he is and believe in everything he can be

now. Even before he does what you want.

Show him you can be happy even if he’s not doing what you want. He’ll be

impressed. This will translate into you being responsible for your own

happiness.

Chapter 18

What to do if you want to spend more time with him

Your man needs his “guy” time but he may have an “excessive hanging with

the guys” syndrome.

Women do not like when the men they are with spend all of their time

getting drunk in being “male” because they come out of their caves stiff,

rigid, and unromantic. Your man may have heard you nag for the billionth

time about always being with the guys but now it’s your time to shine.

I know you know how to pick up the phone and call 1-800-My-Little-Trip, a

very useful intervention to getting your man’s attention. When you decide

to dial that number, you’ll shut up and get so far away from him, he’ll begin

to wonder if you were locked in the arms of hot guy. This is how to

straighten him out!

The next time he’s gone buddy bonding, decide to not answer your phone

when he finally decides to call. He’ll most likely call you waiting to hear

you go on and on about how long he was away. Drop that school girl

attitude by not being available so that you can start the ball rolling when you

finally decide to surprise him with the news of your trip.

No, I was not kidding about dialing 1-800-My-Little-Trip. I really meant

that you should go away for a few days or make plans to go away by

yourself or with some girlfriends. You will have your man shaking in his

Chapter 19

What to do when you’re really angry with him

If you’re like me, you want to cuss your man out and send him to hang with

the satellites in space when he does something to really get you going but

you must learn the sacred art of silence. When you’re really pissed off, just

keep saying, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up……….”

Shut up!

Remove yourself from him and do not initiate contact until he gets the

message that you won’t tolerate his behavior. Don’t wait by the phone for

him to call, do things that will channel your energy elsewhere in order to

take your mind off him. Do not allow him to be in charge of your happiness.

You must force yourself to learn how to get into this zone and it will not be

easy because women tend to have vocabularyitis by ripping men up and

down about what they’ve done wrong. If you’re a punisher, he’ll feel like

he’s been a “bad” boy and get worse.

Make him have to call a few times to get a hold of you and when he finally

comes crawling back, don’t punish him, just listen. Respond by letting him

know how his behavior made you feel and what your expectations are next

time. Then forgive him and move on.

Men know that women have more to say than they do and you may be the

kind of girlfriend that still go on and on about nothing even after your man

says he’s sorry. A genuine “I’m sorry” from a man is your cue to shut up

and change the subject. If you can shut up, your man will thank God for you

everyday. Trust.

It will be hard for him to come back to say he’s sorry if he thinks you’re

going to send him to hell for it. If he keeps up an undesirable behavior and

you can’t see yourself living with it any longer then you have two options:

dump him or dump him.

You’ll know which to choose based on whether his behavior falls into the

“Do not tolerate” category. Is he disrespectful or just is a minor flaw? Your

man needs his “guy” time but if he gets into the habit of taking off on you,

maybe it’s time to take a permanent vacation from him.

Chapter 20

The danger in waiting

The most dangerous place for a woman is standing right in the middle of a

man’s intense desire for her and waiting for him to make an exclusive

commitment or for him to propose.

I’d say this is more difficult than getting a bikini wax – joke. No, this is

more difficult than getting your teeth pulled.

See, when a man is high on you, he needs to also follow through with his

desire to make the decision to actually have you as the only woman he wants

to be with now and forever.

Sometimes men know this and act on it. Then there are the poor guys who

just need so much help, you want to just whack them over the head and say,

“Will you PLEASE hurry up already!”

Not that you should be in a hurry. You also need to make sure he’s Mr.

Forever but the poor guys, their inner clock seem to go as slow as a turtle

crossing the road.

You just have to be patient with these kinds or maybe, just maybe you’re

giving way too much so that he’s not experiencing “Fear.” If you are

waiting, you should never have the “talk” with your man. This is a sure fire

way for your man to fix you in his mind as weak and insecure. Again, it

should be his idea.

Some women wait around for way too long and these kinds should know –

“If he hasn’t popped the question by now, he will never, never, never pop

the question.”

These types of women won’t accept reality and continue to waste their time.

To be a smart girlfriend is to not waste your time but allow your relationship

to take a natural progression, climbing into different levels of intimacy and

commitment.

You’ll have a knowing inside when you’ve grown together through a variety

of life changes, talked about issues that are apart of a long-term commitment

and you can picture yourself authentically being with your man for the long

haul.

You may not like my article below but I believe it is one of the reasons

some men stall on marrying a woman he has gotten to know pretty well:

Article - Why Your Man Hasn’t Married You

You've been dropping the hints like rain on bees or maybe you've been nagging
your man and you still can't get him to marry you.

Why don't you sit back and really think about why he should marry you? Would
you want to spend the rest of your life with "you?"

I mean another version of you.

The other you - the nagger, complainer, whiner, tantrum throwing, and blowing
fire through your nose kind of woman who can't get your man to really commit.

I'm sorry to punch it out so loud but you've got to start thinking about why you
think that you deserve so little as to be with a man who won't commit to you. Why
did you settle for that?

Is it because he's better than nothing?

Is he a genius who can make stars or something and can put them in your eyes?

Is he like Superman who can catch you if you're falling out of the sky?

What's so important about him that you're waiting around wasting decades of
your life on someone who doesn't share the same value as you?

I know I've asked a lot of tough questions but, lady I'm just trying to get you to
think about it because you probably think that waiting around for your man is
going to convince him to finally make a trip to the jewelry store.

It won't.

He'll love you for providing comfort and security when he's supposed to take the
lead to make you feel like the most important and special person in his life.

Men won't act when women wait around for them. Actually, they sit back and
enjoy getting their egos on steroids with women who just can't leave them alone
because, "I know she'll always wait around for me."

That is until you become the sort of woman who'll kill him with the heels.

If you're not a walker, that's why your man hasn't married you.

You've given him everything and nothing to work for so he sits around with his
crazy ass self thinking that desperate old you will never go because you're stupid
and you can't get a man other than him. (that's what he's really thinking)

But if....

If you decide to be the sort of woman who'll truly command a man's attention -
with your ACTIONS - not your words, you'll see how fast he breaks the Olympic
World Record for world's fastest man - the fastest man to the jewelry store.

But by then, he should be dumped!

Chapter 21

If you need to let him go

There comes a time when you need to say, “Bye, bye” to a man and it could

be for a variety of reasons. As I have said in my other book on dating, I’m

Not That Kind of Woman, don’t try to figure out how to keep a man. This is

a sin. I’m sorry to be so overly dramatic about this but if your relationship

isn’t working, this ought to be more than a sign from God. He’s not for you

or it may not be the right timing if you were not yet together as a couple.

If you’ve been having sex with your man, you will find it much more

difficult to untie the knot and I wish I could have convinced you that making

a man wait is in your best interest. When you need to break it off, you have

to break away from different levels of emotional attachment from a man and

sex creates a deeper level of emotional bonding. Breaking away from this

level of emotional bonding is more of a heart breaker.

You’ve come to a decision that you need to let him go so don’t waste your

breath by going on and on about why you made up your mind to go your

separate ways. Just keep it real, sincere, calm and brief.

What you could say to your man:

I think you are wonderful and I want you to be happy. I’ve come to a
decision about what I want and I feel it is best we go our separate ways.

I think the world of you and I don’t regret the time we’ve spent getting to
know each other. Wish you all the best.

Chapter 22

If he ends it

Here’s what I shared in my book, I’m Not That Kind of Woman on what to

do when a man wants to end a relationship:

When a man breaks it off, it can be a hard pill to swallow. File him away in

your Mr. Wrong category and the ones who are genuine Jerks, move them to

the part of space that has a black hole in it. Don’t allow Mr. Wrong to take

up space in your mind. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off of him.

Get yourself together and get happy. Quick

You may have had hopes of him being the one and really enjoyed being with

him but you must take what he says to you seriously and do not become a

Drama Queen. EVER! Your secret weapon: joy, lots and lots of it.

You don’t have time to wallow in self pity. Pick yourself up, even if you

have to do so by your bra strap and don’t listen to any well meaning advice

that you should give him time, try to remain friends, or contact him. This is

not in your best interest because you should never beg a man to reconsider.

That’s not being smart!

You don’t want to appear weak because people don’t respond very well to

desperate acts. If you’ve ever watched the bachelor, you’ll know what I

mean. This is beneath you. When a man starts telling you that he is no

longer into you, he means it. You must remain calm and together. Don’t

ever break down by starting to cry in front of him but remain in control and

act like it’s totally OK with you - deal with your feelings after. Break down

and let it all out after you’ve turned your back. What he wants to hear is that

you can handle yourself like a lady not buckets and buckets of rain.

When you’re able to get some perspective, you’ll be proud that you were

strong and didn’t fall apart. You’ll feel good about how you handled it

instead of having a criminal record of holding a man hostage to you.

My girlfriends’ relationship with a co-worker didn’t work out and she found

it difficult because it ended unresolved. She was raging angry but she didn’t

show it when she would go to work. After a couple of weeks of reflection,

she came to the realization that knowing her personal self worth and value

was the key.

She decided to not allow a man, opinions, or circumstances to define who

she is as a woman. This level of enlightenment caused her to begin to

pamper herself by going out on the town, to the spa, getting her hair done,

and new clothes. And she told me that the best thing that could have ever

happened was to bump into him looking like a Fox. That day she was hot

and she knew it. As a matter of fact when she saw him at the elevator it was

a showdown - her chance to strut her stuff. They locked eyes, he checked

her out, and when she did the cat walk straight towards him while being

happy like she just won a million bucks, he suddenly lost his confidence

[BOOM].

He tried to make small talk and she thought she’d stop but she looked down

Chapter 23

How to get a trip to the jewelry store – or not

CAUTION

– Use this strategy only if you are an extremely secure woman

who believes that you deserve more and willing to lose your man to truly get

what you deserve. Yikes!

This decision is very easy for a woman who is self assured and knows that

her future does not hang by the thread of her boyfriend’s coat. If you’re the

kind of girlfriend who still wants to hang with the long-term, 10 years plus

crowd, then this is not for you.

Some men take their time to decide what they want and it should come as no

surprise that if you’re giving your man sex, dessert, breakfast in bed, and a

pole dancing show then he won’t be in a hurry to marry you.

If you’ve been dating for more than a year, then you’ve had plenty of time to

figure out if your man is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

This is by far the best way to know whether he wants to marry you.

Take a few days to think over what I’m about to suggest because I don’t

want you to write me to tell me that I’m responsible for you no longer

having a boyfriend. It is my suggestion but your decision, got it?

What do you want? Do you want a long-term boyfriend or do you want a

man madly in love who wants to commit to marrying you?

Choose a day to go out and have fun, then when the evening is over, start to

have the sort of talk with him that plenty of women should really have with

their man. You should appear sincere, confident, indifferent and cool. This

is how your conversation could flow:

“I really love you and we’ve had so many amazing times together. You
mean the world to me. I have been thinking a lot lately about what I want.
I want for us to both be happy and for me, this means settling down with
someone to marry and start a family with so I think it’s best if we both go
our separate ways.”

Whoa…..

When you decide to have this little chat, you have to stand your ground

about what you want. No calling him after the chat to ask if he’s thought it

over. You’re making the decision for yourself about what you want without

giving him an ultimatum which equates to forcing him to want you.

You are willing to walk away even though he means a lot to you. When you

come across being kind and gentle, while making it also appear that you’re

in his best interest, it will automatically force him to make a decision about

your relationship.

When a woman has this sort of talk with a man, it will show him up in ways

that will reveal to her what his true intentions are. He will have no choice

but decide if she’s the one for him or not. You don’t want your relationship

to drag on past 1 and ½ years or you’re just wasting your time. If he decides

to let you go, then he didn’t want your relationship in the first place and

although this may hurt, it would have caused you less heartache in the long

run being with someone who wants to go in the opposite direction.

After having this chat, leave so that you can give him time to think it over.

Give him a few weeks. If you haven’t heard back from him, then begin

serious detachment and get yourself involved in doing something new fast.

You will probably cry your heart out if he doesn’t respond in an expected

time. It’s ok. Feel it and allow it to flow out. You may have to being

detaching. Detachment can only take place when energy is channeled into

something else.

Chapter 24

Channeling Energy

Everything in life is moved by energy. It is energy that moves things or

keeps it alive. When you are involved in a relationship you are expending a

certain amount of energy in order to participate in it. When you want a

change, you have to use your energy in order to get change. If you are

disappointed or feel disillusioned, it is only when you place your energy in

another direction that you can begin to find relief.

Sometimes individuals expect that a relationship will be successful when it

stays in a certain energy zone. As a matter of fact, this is how relationships

stall and begin to go under. That is why is important that a natural

progression happens in relationships or it will stagnate.

Ever heard of the statement “Keep it real” or “Keep it fresh?” This is true.

Any organism or organization that stays in a holding pattern will eventually

die out.

So in order to have a natural progression, you have to be willing to risk

standing by what you want while desiring the best for your boyfriend. No

ultimatums, no guns to the head, no pressures, and no demands.

Just let the energy flow a deeper commitment to you or break away from

what is stagnating in order to get what you want. This way, you are

allowing your boyfriend to also find what he wants even if it is not a long-

term commitment with you.

When you have invested the sort of energy in your relationship and you

come to a decision about moving it further and you’re waiting for this to

happen, you need to channel your energy into something else so that you

don’t act out of your lowest self.

Acting out of your lowest self looks like - emotional blackmailing,

emotional landmines, nagging, begging, pleading, manipulating, berating or

a woman who complains to her idiot girlfriends about why her man’s afraid

of commitment.

Anything that resembles having “the talk” in order to make him see that you

need to be together for the long haul is murderous!

You shouldn’t put yourself in your boyfriend’s future unless he wants to

move in that direction. Many women move against the natural order of the

male energy to try to get to wife. The result, they choose the man, but the

man didn’t choose them. Awful! Pitiful! Wrong!

A good way to channel your energy is to move it around. Instead of making

it a goal to want to have a long-term commitment or God forbid “the talk”

move away from your boyfriend while making him aware that you are very

much in love with him and lock your energy into something else. The best

way to do this is to put it into something that you enjoy or something that

will make a significant difference in the lives of others – much like how I

feel writing this book is a way to channel my energy to help you.

When you stay stagnant you’ll be tempted to nag or beg, then you’ll be the

kind of woman who loses value because you are locking your entire energy

on him and what a waste of energy!

Advice to the smart –don’t go there!

Moving away means moving your energy around and diverting it so that you

can create. Taking your focus off of him is good for your sanity and his

level of interest in you will more than likely increase.

If your man knows you as a “whatever” woman –meaning you’re a walker -

he’ll know that even though you care about him, you’ll “strut your stuff”

away from him anytime and anyway you please. Your boyfriend must know

that even though he can trust you, you’ll trust your “gut” about the things

that matter to you.

Chapter 25

If he decides to take you by the hand

If your man decided to take you propose, this it’s beautiful. You deserve

this.

Being a wife is an extremely fulfilling yet difficult task. But it’s all the better

if you’re with someone who you’ve formed a bond with that will last a

lifetime. When you’ve found your spiritual lifetime partner, you can build a

great life and face any obstacles.

After getting married here are a few tips:

1. Don’t ever give up your passions and dreams.

2. Don’t go flat and lose your sex appeal. Get your nails done, hair

done, up the sexy even after baby, and please, please keep the sex

coming. Well, sometimes you won’t feel like it but if it’s just a little

headache, get some drugs called a painkiller. You know you’d take a

pill if your girlfriends really needed your help. Do the same for your

man.

3. Be not a nagger or you’ll become scorned.

4. There are no deeper meanings to his opinions. Men usually say what

they think so stop digging.

5. Be thankful everyday for what you’ve got and do not allow disgrace

to flow from your heart. Gratitude will pump life into your

relationships like your heart pumping life into your body.

6. Speak once, and then take action with a smile.

7. Create a livable, breathable space for your man to come home to

always and make him feel welcome.

8. Practice always greeting him with a soft, seductive kiss.

9. Respect, appreciate and admire him always.

10.Go away on your own at least once a year, twice if he needs to shake

in his boots.

11.Try new activities often as it will create new energy flows into your

relationship. Commit to trying something new at least every six

months.

12.Thou shall not let thyself go. After marriage plenty of women go

downhill.

13.Yes, I am nagging you again…keep yourself looking like a hot

woman!

14.Surprise him often.

15.Be his girlfriend/wife all the time. Be his playmate, his bunny, his

reality check if needs someone to tell him like it is!

16.Don’t get into unhealthy patterns of communicating or it will rot your

marriage out.

17.Keep your sense of humor and laugh, laugh, laugh. Your man should

know you as “laugher.” When women are fun, men love to be around

them. When they are not, they usually get dropped!

18. Your money, his money, and then our money.

19.Make sure you’re always growing in the same direction. This is why

marrying your spiritual partner is critical.

20. Have sex often and more often. If you’re not in your prime, find a

happy pill and emulate the feelings of being ready to go. By the time

you get in your prime, your man doesn’t have to do a routine first,

you’ll want to have it everyday, anytime, routine or not. “Now baby!”

Having a successful marriage starts from being a successful person. If you

believe that you are abundant, prosperous, and successful, then you will

create that in everything you touch.

You cannot build from what you are not nor create what you do not have

from within. This is why it is important to have a sense of who you are by

being spiritually and emotionally in tune with your inner self.

When you can get there, everything else will flow from this level of

awareness and you will attract and reflect who you are in every sphere of

your life.

I want to hear your personal story of how your boyfriend proposed. Send all

of the juicy details to

stories@howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com

and I’ll be

celebrating with you as you take the next steps to build a lasting relationship

with your man. If you have any suggestions or ideas, send them to

stories@howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com

Thank you for reading my eBook. I am excited for you and we’ll talk soon.

Your friend,

Nicole

Website:

www.howtogofromgirlfriendtowife.com