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"Fathersareimportant."

Mattspokesimply."AndIthinkmybabydeservesagoodone."

Olivia'ssmilesoftened."Iagree,Mr.Creed.ButI'mafraidthatwith
mydaughter,thereislittleeitherofuscandotochangehermind."

Mattleanedforwardonthecouch."Oh,there'splentyIcando,"he
said."Icantakehertocourtandsueforjointcustody."

Oliviaansweredquickly."Nastylegalproceedingswillsolvenothing.
Besides,youhavenoclaimtothebaby.Danniwouldhavetonameyouas
thefatherforyoutohaveanylegalstanding."

Therewassilenceforafewseconds,thenMattspoke."Yourdaughter
didn'ttellyou?"

Olivialookedconfused.

"Mrs.Goodlove,yourdaughterandIaremarried."

"THEPULLOFTHEMOONisatender,memorable

storyofaremarkablemanandadedicatedwoman,

who,throughlovingeachother,healthewoundsupon

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theirsouls.Itisapage-turning,feel-goodbookfrom

beginningtoend."

-SharonSala,award-winningauthorofReunion


DearReader,

Iworkedasalaboranddeliverynurseformanyyearsandalwayswanted
towriteastoryaboutadedicated,funny,savvy,butlonely
obstetricianwhoyearnsforaloveofherown.Dr.DanniGoodbyebegan
forminginmymindallthoseyearsago.

Butitwasn'tuntilImetthefirefighters/rescuersafterthe

bombingoftheAlfredP.MurrahbuildinginOklahomaCity(Iwas
privilegedtoworkasavolunteeratthesiteduringtherescueeffort)
thatIfoundtheherowhowouldbeDanni'smatch.

IhopemyportrayalofMatthewCreeddoesjusticetothetirelessand
trulyheroicmenandwomenwhogavetheirallduringthatterribletime.
TomyownsonDamon,atelevisionreporterwhowasoneofthefirstto
arriveatthescene,andtoeveryonewhosufferedinthewakeofthat
heinouscrime,Ihopethatthereferencesinthisbookprovideonly
consolationandvalidation.

Thoughdeeplyemotionalissuesarewovenintothisstory,itisajoyous
account.Becauseitshowsonewoman'sjourneyasshechooseschangeand
growth,findstrueloveandreceivesthefamilyofherdreams.

Ienjoyhearingfrommyreaders.Youcanwritetomeat:P.O.Box
720224,Norman,Oklahoma73070.

DarleneGraham

BooksbyDarleneGraham

HARLEQUINSUPERROMANCE

812-ITHAPPENEDINTEXAS

Don'tmissanyofourspecialoffers.Writetousatthefollowing
addressforinformationonournewestreleases.

HarlequinReaderService

U.S.:3010WaldenAve.,P.O.Box1325,Buffalo,NY14269Canadian:P.O.
Box609,FortErie,Ont.L2A5X3


THEPULLOF

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THEMOON

Darlene
Graham

HARLEQUIN®

TORONTONEWYORKLONDON

AMSTERDAMPARISSYDNEYHAMBURG

STOCKHOLMATHENSTOKYOMILANMADRID

PRAGUEWARSAWBUDAPESTAUCKLAND


Ifyoupurchasedthisbookwithoutacoveryoushouldbeawarethatthis
bookisstolenproperty.Itwasreportedas"unsoldanddestroyed"to
thepublisher,andneithertheauthornorthepublisherhasreceivedany
paymentforthis"strippedbook."

ISBN0-373-70838-6

THEPULLOFTHEMOON

Copyright©1999byDarleneGardenhire.

Allrightsreserved.Exceptforuseinanyreview,thereproductionor
utilizationofthisworkinwholeorinpartinanyformbyany
electronic,mechanicalorothermeans,nowknownorhereafterinvented,
includingxerography,photocopyingandrecording,orinanyinformation
storageorretrievalsystem,isforbiddenwithoutthewrittenpermission
ofthepublisher,HarlequinEnterprisesLimited,225DuncanMillRoad,
DonMills,Ontario,CanadaM3B3K9.

Allcharactersinthisbookhavenoexistenceoutsidetheimaginationof
theauthorandhavenorelationwhatsoevertoanyonebearingthesame
nameornames.Theyarenotevendistantlyinspiredbyanyindividual
knownorunknowntotheauthor,andallincidentsarepureinvention.

ThiseditionpublishedbyarrangementwithHarlequinBooksS.A.

®andTMaretrademarksofthepublisher.Trademarksindicatedwithare
registeredintheUnitedStatesPatentandTrademarkOffice,the
CanadianTradeMarksOfficeandinothercountries.

Lookusupon-lineat:http://www.romance.netPrintedinU.S.A.


ToRayandTonieLueb.

ThankyouforansweringGod'scall

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tobecomelovingparents.


CHAPTERONE

THEFULLMOONWASTHEtrouble,andeverybodyknewit.

AsDr.DanielleGoodbyeshovedherlong,thickhairunderadisposablecapandbeganthe
routinesurgicalscrub,shethoughthowironicitwasthatallthesimperingromanticsout
thereinTV-andmovie-landconsideredthemoonasymbolofromance.

Romance.Ha!

InobstetricseverybodyknewthatallhellbrokeloosewhenOldManMoon
turnedhisfatfaceontheunsuspectingearth.WhydidstufflikethisanemergencyC-section
withalifeinthebalance-alwaysseemtohappenwhenthemoonwasfull?

Correction:twolives.

Shenudgedthekneehandletocutthewateroff,raisedherdrippinghands,andheaded
towarddeliveryroomone.

Awoman'sscreamfromwithincausedDannitobreakintoatrot.Sheknockedtheheavy
dooropenwithherbottomandyelled:"Fetalheartrate?"

Anurseturnedupthevolumeonastate-of-the-artmonitorandcalledback,"Sixties!"asthe
ominouslyslowbeepsfilledtheotherwise-silentroom.

AnothernurserushedforwardtodryDanni'shandswithasteriletowelwhileathirdnurse
cameatherwithasurgicalgownmittenedoverfists.ThecirculatingnursefilledDanniinon
thecase,herwordsfastandlow."It'sabaddeal.Thewholefamilywasinthefire.Coupleof
toddlers.Mom'swaterrupturedatthescene-"

"When?"Danniinterrupted.

Thenurseglancedatthelargeclockonthetiledwall.

"Justbeforemidnight-aboutthirtyminutesago.We'vegotaprolapsed
cordandfetaldistress."

"Ihearit,"Dannisaid.Thebeepsgotslower.

Thenursewiththetowelfinishedthedryinganddodgedasidesotheothercouldthrustthe
gownontoDanni'soutstretchedarms.Thecirculatorcontinuedtotalkrapidlyasshe
reachedupandpushedDanni'sglassesfirmlyontothebridgeofhernose.

"Momranintothetrailerwhentheyrealizedthetoddlersweremissing.Afiremanpulledher
backout,thenwentinforthekidshimself.Thedad'sdrunk,startedthefirewithacigarette.
Thecopshavehim.She'saboutthirty-fourweeks.Noprenatalcare.You'reflyingblind."

Danninoddedwhileshejammedherhandsintothesterileglovesheldopenbeforeher.Then

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shesteppeduptothesurgerytable.

Thepatientwasnolongerscreaming.Shenowlaygravelysilentwitheyesclosed,herskin
paleandsmudgedbeneathpatheticallysingedeyebrowsandhair.Shecrackedhereyes
openasDanniadjustedthepaperdrapes.When-shesawDannishetriedtotalkthrough
theanesthesiamask,thenreachedsootyfingersfromunderthedrapeandgrabbedfor
Danni'sarm.Thecirculatorcaughtthewoman'shandbeforeshecouldcontaminateDanni's
sterilegown.

"Don'tworry,"Dannisaidandleanedovertolookdirectlyinthepatient'seyesastheygrew
heavywiththeanesthetic."We'llgetyourbabyoutintime."

Sheopenedherglovedpalmforthescalpelandpeeredoverhermaskattheanesthetist.He
adjustedthenitrousoxideandnodded.

"Let'sgo."Danniflippedtheknifeintopositionandcut.

Dr.DanniGoodbyepridedherselfonherhead-spinning,machinelikespeedinemergencies.
TheC-sectionteamatTulsa'sHolyCrossHospital-oneofthebestinthecity-hadscrambled
tomeetherexactingstandard:sixminutesfromdecision,toincision,tosquallingbaby.

Inthisbusiness,sometimesyouhadtohurtthepatientinordertohelpthem.Sometimes
theycriedout.Dannimighthaveletthataffectherwork,butshedidn't.Whilestillinher
teensshehadlearnedtoignoreheremotionsandfocusonhergoal.She'dacquiredthat
skillthehardway-inatragedyshedidn'tliketothinkabout-butonanightlikethisshewas
gratefulforit.

Becauseonanightlikethiswhenthemoonwasfull-Dannicouldn'thelpthinkingofLisa.On
anightlikethis,Lisaandherbabyhaddied.Buttonight'sbabywasliftedout,freeofthe
stranglingcord,squirmingundertheOhiowarmeramereninetysecondsafterDanni'sfirst
swift,surecut.
Dannihadn'tevenbrokenasweat,buttherestoftheteamreleaseda
collectivelyheldbreathwhentheyheardthefirstweakcriesfromthecornerwherea
pediatricteamlaboredoverthetinypatient.Dannitriedtoignorethepalpablereliefall
aroundher.Sheneverallowedherselftogetemotionalduringadelivery,buttonightshewas
feelingthetiniesttwingeof-something-astheinfant'scryingpickedupsteam.

Thenthebangoftheoperating-roomdoorstartledthemall.

Aperkyyoungwardclerk,breathlessfromhersprintdownthehall,heldapapermasktoher
face,hereyeshugeaboveit."Dr.Danni!"shehuffed."Dr.Stone'shavingafitdowninthe
E.R.Hesaidtoclosethiscasefastandgetdowntherestat.AtonofOB'shavefloodedin."

"Themoon,"anursebehindDannimoaned.

Thegirlspreadapalmoverherchestasiftocalmherself,thennoticedthebaby."Thatbaby
madeit?"

Oneofthepediatricnursescalledout,"He'sperfect!"abovetheinfant'swailing.

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"Youknow,"thetransfixedyoungwomansaid,noddingattheunconscious
mother,"thatfiremanthatgotinjuredsavingher?"

Theteam,busywiththeirtasks,didn'tacknowledgethequestion.

"Well,"sheannouncedwithanairofimportance,

"CoopersaidhelooksjustlikeTomSelleck."

Dannigavethegirlacuttingglanceoverhermask,thensaid,"GotellStonetocoolhisjets.
I'llbethereinacoupleofminutes."

ONCESHEGOTDOWNtotheE.R.,Dannitookasecondtolookintheexamroomwhere
twotoddler-sizebodieslaysidebysideontwogurneys.ThebustlingE.R.teamsobstructed
herview,butsheknewitwasbad.Theteamsweretoocontrolled,tooquiet.Itwasthe
deafeningsilenceofhopelessness.Whatwouldshetellthemother?

Acommotionbehindhercausedhertoturn.

Somenursesandanorderlyhadstoppedthegurneythey'dbeenpushingandstruggledwith
thehugemanonit.HewaswearingabloodstainedT-shirt,andafreshdressingandice
packsswaddledonearm.HisturnoutpantsandfirebootstoldDannihemustbethefireman
thewardclerkhadbeentalkingaboutupstairs.Hewasfightingtositupandpushedthe
burlyorderlybackwithonehandwhilehejerkedtheoxygenmaskoffhisfacewiththeother.

Thatwardclerkwaswrong,Dannithoughtassherushedforwardtohelp.Thisguydoesn't
lookanythinglikeTomSelleck.Andrightnowhisfacewassocontortedwithanger,hiseyes
weresowildwithdelirium,youcouldn'tevencallhimhandsome.

"Letmeseethem!"heyelledasheshovedthenurses'handsaway."Darnm-it!Ihavetosee
ifthey'reokay!"

Oneofhisfiremanbuddies,ablackmaninfullregaliaexceptforthehelmet,ranupalongside
thegurneyandgotintotheact."Matt,youneedthatoxygen,"hesaidasheforcedthe
maskoverthepatient'sfaceandfoughttogethismightyshouldersbackdownonthe
gurney.

"What'shehad?"Danniyelledacrosstoanurse,andassoonassheheardtheanswer
added,"GetmesomeAtivan."Theothernursehadgoneoff,anticipatingtheorder,anda
fullsyringewasinstantlyinDanni'shand.

"Youholdhim,"Danniorderedtheblackfireman.

Thepatientfoughtlikeabull,stillrantingaboutthetoddlers,whileDannishotthesedative
intoavein.

Whenthepatientfinallymoanedintosemi-consciousness,theblackmanreleasedhishold
andturnedtoDanni."It'snotMatt'sfault.Thisisoldstuff-"Thebigmansuddenlyseemed
chokedup."Heworkedthebombing.Savingthesebabiestonightkindofbroughtitallback."

Thebombing.InOklahomatheysimplycalleditthat-thebombing.

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Danninoddedandfelthereyesmistwhensheturnedtolookatthemanonthegurneyas
thenursesrolledhimaway,andsawthetopofhisdarkheadashetosseditmiserablyfrom
sidetoside.

Thebombing-afterallthistime,somanystillsufferedfromitsaftershocks.Likethatpoor
man.

"Matt'susuallyareallyniceguy,"theblackmansaidfrombehindher."Areyougonnatake
careofhisarm?"headdedanxiously.

Danniturnedandlookedupathim.Thisonewasahandsomeman,eventhoughhelooked
thoroughlyexhausted."No.I'manobstetrician,butoneoftheE.R.docs-"

Beforeshecouldfinish,aharried-lookingnurserushedupandsaid,"Dr.Goodlove,please,"
whileshehauledDannibythesleeveofherlabcoatintoanopenareawherethesightof
fivemoundedtummiesonfivebedsmadeDannigroan.

"Allinactivelabor."Thenurseheldoutastackofintakecharts."Stonesaysthey'reall
yours."

"Gee.CouldtheOldManbetestingmeagain?"Dannitookthecharts.

"Again?Whendidhestop?"ThenurseplunkedaDopplerdeviceandabottleofbluegelon
topofthecharts."Don'tworry,wefinallylocatedDr.Bryant.Claimedhispagerwasn't
working."

Dannimadeasarcasticface."Oh,goody.Bryant."Bryant,ifanything,wasabiggerpainthan
Stone.Asthechiefofstaff,KennethStone,atleast,wassupremelyconfidentandabove
pettyone-upmanship.Bryantwasnot.OnlyahairolderthanDanni,hewasfiercely
competitive.

Momentslater,whenRogerBryantcameblastingthroughtheE.R.doorslikeaVikinggodto
therescue,Dannistudiouslyignoredhimandletthetriagenursegivehimreport

AnotherhourflewbywhileBryantandDannigottheOBpatientsexaminedandadmitted."I'll
goupandcoverLaborandDeliverynow,"Bryantsaidandranahandthroughhisfine,
sandy-blondhair,thenpointedatDanniashebackedtowardtheelevator,beatingan
obviousretreatfromtheE.R.chaos."You'dbettertakeabreak,sister.Youlookterrible."

"Oh,mygosh!"Danniframedhercheekswithherpalms."Imaginethat!Ilookterrible!"She
addressedthisremarktoCarolHollis,herbestfriendandatop-notchscrubnurse,who'd
appearedonherleft.

"Gee,"Caroldeadpanned,thenraisedhervoiceastheelevatordoorsslidclosedover
Bryant'ssourexpression."CouldfourdeliveriesandtwoC-sectionshaveanythingtodowith
it?"

Carolstraightened,tossedhersalt-and-peppercurlstowardtheelevatorandmuttered,
"Prick."SheturnedtoDanni."Butunfortunately,theprickcan'thandlewhat'sdeveloping

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upstairs."

"What'sthat?"

"AnotherC-section."

"When?"

"Maybeanhour.That'swhyIcamedowntofindyou."

Danniheldupapalm."Okay.ButfirstIgottaeatsomethingorI'llpassout."

ButjustasDanniandCarolploppeddowninthebreakarea,anursepokedherheadinthe
doorandpleaded,"Dr.Goodlove,beforeyougobacktoOBcouldyoupossiblyseethe
fireman?"

Dannigulpedmilkfromacarton,thenrubbedthebackofherneck,notcomprehending
somethingthisnurseobviouslythoughtsheshould."Thefireman?"

"Yeah.Theguywhopulledthetwinsoutofthetrailer.He'sbeenwaitingforoveranhour.
Somebodyneedstocheckhislungsagainandhehasanastywoundthatneedsstitches."
Thenurseshruggedapologeticallywhilesheheldoutadisposablesuturetray."We're
swamped.Infact,we'resocrowdedwehadtoputthepoormaninthesupplyroom.Could
you?"

"I'llhelp,"Caroloffered."Bryantcansurvivealittlewhilewithoutyou."

Dannisighed.Wouldthisnightneverend?"Okay."Shestood,tiltedthemilkcartonupand
drainedit."Let'sgo."

CHAPTERTWO

THESUPPLYROOMWAScramped,evenwithoutthegurney,evenwithoutthe
over-six-feetofmassivemalesnoringunderthebuzzingfluorescentlight.

Hewasallalone,outcold,takingstraightoxygenfromamaskattachedtoatank.He
reekedofsmokeandsweat,afewplasticcupslitteredtheflooraroundhim-atleastthey'd
givenhimsomewater-andathinblanketcoveredhimtohischin.Thedressingandcold
compressesontheinjuredarmwerepink-tingedwithbloodnow,andtheIVdrippingintohis
otherarmwasalmostempty.

Shameful,Dannithought.Thisishowwetreatourheroes?Sheslippedthechartfromunder
acornerofthegurneymattressandread.

MatthewCreed,agethirty-six.InadditiontotheAtivan,they'dgivenhimawallopofDemerol
intheIV.Therewerethird-degreeburnsonthesamearmthathadbeengashed-byglass,
thetriagenursehadwritten.

Aswitheveryfirefighterwhoplungedintoaragingfire,theguy'slungswerethebigworry.
Butsofar,everything-electrolytes,bloodgases-lookedokay.Andhiscolorwaswithinnormal
limits.

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Assessinghisfaceatrest,Dannidecidedthathewashandsome.Hiseyelids,thoughpuffy-
shemadeanoteoftheedema-wereframedbythickdarkbrowsandalineoflushblack
lashesanycovermodelwouldenvy.Beneaththemaskhissquarejawwasdarklyshadowed
withnew-grownstubble.

Hisblackhair,probablycutinashort,professionalstyle,wasnowplasteredstraightup
abovearedcreasewherehishelmetbandhadfittightly.Therewasnoapparenthead
trauma.Shescribbledanothernote.

ShehandedthecharttoCarol,peeledbacktheblankettochecktherestofhim.He
continuedtosnoreintotheoxygenmask.

"Holycow,"Carolmuttered,andDannishotheracensuringfrown.

ButCarolpersisted."Man!"shemumbledassheturnedtopreparethesuturetray."Ifeellike
Ineedahitofthatoxygenmyself."

ThoughDannidisapprovedofCarol'sattitude,shecouldseeherpoint.Thepatienthadbeen
strippedtothewaistandhewasbig.Bronze.Amazinglyfit."Isthereaweightrecordedon
thechart?"Danniasked.
Hewasprobablyalotheavierthanhelooked.Shewantedtobesurehe'dgottenenough
painmedication.

"Twohundredfifteen,"Carolread.

Danninoddedasshescannedhisframe,lookingforfurtherdamage,signs,symptoms.

Hehadhugemuscularanus,massivehands,andatrailofblackbodyhairthatswirledneatly
downtautabdominals.Whenshewokehimupshe'dhavetomakesureeverythingunderhis
turnoutpantsandfirebootswasokay.

Shegentlyraisedtheedgeofthedressingonhisarmandcalledhisname."Mr.Creed?"

Therewasnoresponse.

"Matthew?"Asshereachedforapulseontheuninjuredarm,arolled-up,faded-red
bandanna,knottedaroundhiswrist,gotintheway.ShemutteredsomethingtoCarolabout
whytheEMTshadn'tcutthethingoffbeforetheystartedtheIV,thenadded,"Gimmeyour
bandagescissors,"asshehookedafingerunderthekerchief.

Withoutwarning,thepatient'sotherhandsnappedupandseizedDanni'swrist.

"Leaveitalone,"hegrowledinadeepbassvoicethatsoundedhoarseanddry.Theoxygen
maskfoggedwithhisbreath,butnothingelseabouthimmoved.HisgriponDanni'swrist,
though,waslikeanironband.Hisfingersfelthot,andDannimadeamentalnotetorecheck
histempandthenbrieflywonderedifitwasherfatigue,herhunger,orwhat,thatwasmaking
hersuddenlyweak.

"Mr.Creed,"shesaidasshepeeledhisfingersfromherflesh."Ineedtogetthisthingoffso
Icanevaluateyouproperly."Shepulledonthebandanna,buthejerkedhisarmoutofher

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reach.Foraninjuredman,hisreflexeswerecertainlyquick.

Heraisedhishead,openedbright-blueeyesandfrownedather."Isaid,itstayswhereitis."

SomethingabouthisgazemadeDanniswallow."Ofcourse,"sheansweredsoftly.

Hiseyesslidclosed,andhelaidhisheadback,groaninginthatdeepvoicethatmadeDanni's
heartbeatfaster.Thenheloweredhischinandlookeddownhislongframetowardthedoor
ofthetinyroom."WhereamI?"

"You'reintheemergencyroomatHolyCrossHospital."

"Oh,yeah?Youanurse?"

"No.I'mDr.Dann...Dr.Goodlove.Igaveyouasedativeearlier."

"Youdid?"

"Yes,Idid.RightnowI'mgoingtostitchupthatlacerationyouhavethere."

Heglancedathisarm,thengroaned,"Haveatit,"inhiswonderfulvoice,andlaidhisgood
armacrosshiseyes.

CarolgentlyrearrangedtheIVtoaccommodatehisposition.

"Didthosekidsmakeit?"heasked.

Dannifeltherheartconstrictbecause,eventhroughthemask,shecouldseehiswide,
handsomemouthtightenandpulldownatthecorners,betrayingtheemotionhewasholding
back.

Shehadtoswallowbeforeshespoke."Yes,"shesaid,althoughshefearedthatbynowthey
hadnot."Andthemother'supstairsinmaternity.She'sfine."

"She'spregnant?"Hemovedthearmandstared,unbelieving,intoDanni'seyes.

"Notanymore.IdeliveredherpreemiebyC-section."

"Damn,"hesaidquietlyandclosedhiseyes."Thebaby'sokay.Let'stendtoyou,now."

Danniforcedherselftosoundcalm,professional.Sheleanedoverhimandplaceda
stethoscopeonhischest,movingitperiodicallyasshelistened."Lungssoundclear,"she
saidtoCarol.

Shemovedthestethoscopetocrucialpointsoverhisheartandconcentrated.Thebeatwas
regular,butrapid.Stressmaybe.

Sheglancedintohisface.Hewaswatchingherlike-Well,shedidn'tknowlikewhat.Itwas
eerie,lookingintothosesteadyblueeyeswhilelisteningtohisstrongheartbeat.

Shefinished,pulledthestethoscopefromherears,andstraightened."Okay.Let'sfixyour
arm."

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Dannirolledastoolupbesidethegurney,andwhilethepatientwatchedthemwithdrugged-
sleepydetachment,CaroltreatedtheburnsandDannicheckedthegashforforeignbodies,
thenstartedcarefullystitchingitup.

AsDanniworked,shewaitedforhisreactiontothepainfulthingsshewasdoingtohim.He
neveronceflinched.Buteverytimesheglancedintohisblueeyes,shewishedshehadn't.
Theysentaquiverthroughher,threateningtodissolveherprofessionalarmor.

Thelittlesupplyroombegantofeeltighterthanatomb.Everytimehemoved-toraisea
kneeorfillthatmassivechestwithadeepbreath-Dannithoughtshemightdropher
hemostat.

Itdidn'thelpmattersthatCarolwasactingstrangely.Shekeptpassingsuppliesin
unnecessaryanticipation;keptcallingDanni"Doctor"inreverenttones;keptmutteringin
medicaljargonasifthiswerebrainsurgery.

"Youarebeingstitchedupbythebestofthebest,"Carolreassuredthedrowsyfireman,and
Danniwantedtosmackher.ItwasobviouswhatCarolwasdoing;shehadnotedthe
absenceofaweddingbandonhisfinger.
EverybodywasalwaystryingtofixDanniupwithmen-buttryingtoimpressapatient?Good
grief.

"Thatso?"ThefirefighterturnedhisheadandwinkedatDanni.

"Oh,yes."Carolseemedencouraged."Dr.Goodlove-weallcallherDr.Danni-willstitchyou
upsofine,thatscarwillbealmostinvisible."

Dannifrowneddaggersatherfriend,butthepatientseemedtobeenjoyinghimself.He
grinnedsleepilybehindhisoxygenmask."Darn.Iwashopingforabigoldscartoshowthe
boysatthestation."

"Well,sorry,youwon'tgetascarfromthisdedicateddoctor."Carol
justcouldn'tseemtoshutitup."Shepridesherselfonherhandiwork."

Danniputherheaddownandworkeddoggedly,prayingCarolwouldbestruckmute.

"She'sbeenatthisawhile?"heaskedthroughthemask."Shelookssoyoung."

Dannicouldfeelhimstaringatherblushingcheeksandslippingglasses.Don'tmindme,
folks,shethought.I'mjuststitchingupthisgapingwound,here.

"Abouttenyears,"Carolassuredhim."It'sherwholelife."

"NurseHollis!"Dannisnapped."Ithinkthepatientneedsanotherdrinkofwater."

Carolhadthegoodgracetoturnred,thenshespunonhercrepesolesandleftthetiny
room.

Suddenlythepatientseemed,toDanni,tooalert.She'dbeenmorecomfortablewithhim
drugged.

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Asshecleaneduptheexterioroftheclosedwound,andappliedasteriledressing,he
continuedtowatchherlikea-Well,nowsheknewwhatitwaslike-itwasthewayan
interestedmanwatchedaprettywoman,onlyDannihadn'teverthoughtofherselfaspretty.

Shefinishedthebandagingwithathickdressing.Shewasapplyingenoughclingwraptoseal
amummywhenheclearedhisthroat,reachedup,pulledtheoxygenmaskdown,andsaid,
"Thanksforleavingthekerchiefalone."

Whenshelookedintohissolemneyes,Dannirealizedthekerchiefhadsomespecial
meaning,butheclearedhisthroatandquicklylookedaway."Andthanksforstitchingmeup."

"Noproblem."Shecontinuedtotapethedressing."Justdon'tmakeahabitofthis."

Afteraheartbeathesaid,"IfIdo,wouldyoubemydoctor?"

Dannistoppedhertapingandlookedbackupintothoseblueeyes.Thistimetheinterest
andflirtationtherewasunmistakable.Andwiththeoxygenmaskgone,shecouldseehis
mouthclearly.Beautifullyformedlips.Firm.Utterlymale.Curvingintoalopsided,teasing
grin.

Dannifinishedhertapingwithtensefingersandburningcheeks.

He,ontheotherhand,seemedperfectlyrelaxed.Heraisedhisgoodarmandproppedit
underhishead,revealingamassive,muscledarmpitwiththedensestgrowthofblackaxillary
hairDannihadeverseen.

Shehadaphoto-flashmemoryofanothertimewhensheandCarolhadbeendraggeddown
totheE.R.tohelpstitchuptheaftermathofabiggangfight.Oneoftheteenagevictims
hadB.O.sobadthatCarolhadclampedwadsofalcohol-soakedgauzeoverhisarmpits,
claimingitwasstandardprocedure.

SuddenlyDanniwasovercomebytheworstattackofinappropriatelaughterevervisitedon
ahumanbeing.

Shetriedtostifleit,andbentherheaddownbelowthegurneyasiflookingforsomething
she'ddropped.Hershouldersshookandshethoughtshe'dchoke,butthesilliestthoughts
keptcoming,allincrediblyhilarious.Shewonderedfleetinglyiftherewasaleakingnitrous-
oxidetankinheresomewhere.Eventhathorrifyingideacouldn'tsoberher.

"Youokaydownthere?"Sheheardhisdeepvoiceaboveher.

Shetriedtosayyes,butthatwasahorriblemistakethatopenedthedoortoaneweruption
ofgiggles.Shewasforcedtositupinordertobreathe,andpushedwithweakfeettoroll
thestoolawayfromthetable,awayfromhimandhisseriousblueeyes,soshecouldregain
hercomposure.

Butsheendedupleaningagainstthesupplyshelves,snickeringandgaspingandfinally
holdinghermiddleandwavingherhand,pointingathim,thewaypeopledowhentheyare
helplesstoexplaintheirstupidbehavior.

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"What'ssofunny?"Hisfacewasassolemnasajudge's.

Nothing!Dannithought.Nothingatall.That'stheproblem!Butshecontinuedtotitter
helplessly.Thenshewondered-andthisthoughtonlymademoregigglescome-ifshelooked
likesomekindofderangedwoman,masqueradingasadoctor.

Heraisedhimselfuponhisgoodelbow,andstaredwithanexpressionsoalarmedand
seriousthateverytimeDanniglancedathimtotrytoexplainthatshewasreactingto
exhaustion,shebrokeupalloveragain.Shelaughedsohard,tearsrolleddownhercheeks.

Carolcameinbearingacupofwater,whichDannisnatchedandgulped.Finallytheurgeto
laughsubsided.

WithafrownatDanni,Carolhelpedthepatientsitup.Hetestedhisinjuredarm,thenflexed
hisamazingmusclesasiftheyweresore.HeglancedatDanniandsmiledwhenhecaught
herwatchinghimovertherimofthecup.

Firemenandcops,Dannithought.Allascockyasthedevil.

Carolstartedhelpinghimintothehospitalgownshe'dbroughtforhim.

Dannifinisheddrinkingthewater,letoutahugesigh,thenpulledoffherpaperhat,andlifted
herthickmaneofhairawayfromherneck,fanningherself."I'mreallysorry,"shesaidtothe
patient.Shedugalatextourniquetoutofthepocketofherscrubsandtiedherhairintoa
crudeponytailathernape."Thatwasanattackofinappropriatelaughter,precipitatedby
fatigue."Shetossedthecupintoatrashcontainer."We'llgetyousomemorewater."

"That'sokay.I'mnotthirsty.AndIunderstandfatigue,"hesaid,buthisexpressionwas
skepticalashiseyestookinthehaphazardponytail.

HeprobablythinksI'mtotallynuts,Dannithought.

ApparentlysodidCarol,judgingfromthescowlshegaveDanniasshetiedthegownstrings
atthepatient'sback.

Dannitookanotherdeepbreathandstood."I'mshippingyouupstairsforovernight
observation,okay?"

Shetookhismendedarminherhands,examinedthefingersgently,checkingthecirculation
onelasttime.Sheknewhercheekswerered,butshemanagedtokeephervoicesteady.
"Thislooksfinesofar.Tellmeagain,exactlyhow'dyoucutit?"

"Squeezingthroughthebrokenpatiodoor."Heraisedoneeyebrow,thenstudiedhisboots.
"KickeditoutwhenIcouldn'tfollowtheattackhoseback.ThecrewthoughtIwasgoingthe
otherway."

"Isee,"Dannisaid,althoughshedidn't,exactly.

Sheassumedhewastellingherthatsomethingwentwrongduringtherescue.Herfingers
trembledonhislargeonesforamoment,imaginingtheinferno,imagininghimcurlinghisbody
aroundthetwobabies,imaginingsuchbravery."Andeverythingunderyourturnoutpants..."

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Dannihesitatedandre-framedthequestion."Uh,you'resureyourfeetandlegsareokay?"

"Yeah,everythingfeelsfine."Hesmiledatherwithgorgeous,perfectwhiteteethandshe
noticedthathedid,infact,havedeepdimpleslikeTomSelleck's.Buttherewassomething
elsefamiliarabouthim.Dannicouldn'tputherfingeronit.

"Well,then-"shesnatchedupthechart,pushedherglassesuponhernose,clickedherpen
"-allweneedtodoisaddsomestrongantibioticstoyourIV.Isyourpainmedicinestill
workingokay?"

"Yeah.Thanksagainforstitchingmeup,Doctor.Especiallyconsideringthatyou're
exhaustedandall,Ireallyappreciateit."Hespokeinacontrolledmonotone,butthelookin
hiseyeswassosincere,sowarmthatDannithoughtshe'dmelt.

"Noproblem."Sheresumedwritingonthechart.

HeturnedtoCarol."Nurse,willtheybetakingmeupstairsinawheelchair?"

"Iexpectso,"sheanswered.

"Well,then,woulditbetoomuchtroubletowheelmebytoseethetwinsontheway?"

Danniturnedherhead,studiedhishandsomeprofile.He'denduredovertwentystitches,had
enoughdrugsinhimtoknockoutahorse,andhadtobetiredenoughtodie,butalltheman
couldthinkaboutwerethosetwins.MatthewCreedwasanamazingman.

UPSTAIRSINLABORANDDelivery,Dr.Stonewaspacinglikeawirylittlefoxsniffingfor
prey.

"Sorrytodisturbyournap,Dr.Goodlove,"hesaidassoonasDanniandCarolsteppedoff
theelevator.

"Shewasn'ttakinganap-"Carol,whocouldmaketwoofStone,jumpedintodefendher
boss`-shewasstitchingupapatient."

Stone'snostrilsflared,histuftedreddish-grayeyebrowspuckered,andhispointylittleteeth
flashedbrieflyasifhemightbiteCarol.ButthenheturnedtoDanni,andpeeredupoverhis
glassesather."Dr.Bryanttoldmeyouhadgonetosleep."

DannifoldedherarmsacrossherchestandturnedacomposedsmileonStone."Now,why
wouldIwanttosleepthroughallthisfun?"

Stonedidn'tevenbothertosmileatthequip."Wehaveseveralmoredrop-insinactivelabor.
I'lltakethem.YourC-sectioniswaitinginDeliveryOne."

Dannididn'task-althoughshe'dlovetohaveknown-whatthemightyDr.Bryantwasdoing
withhisprecioustime.anotherbabysafely,verifiedthespongecountandstartedtheroutine
stitching.

"Yep,"Dannisaidwhileshetiedoffastitch."It'sthatdamnmoon,folks."Sheraisedher
voice."Bringsinthepregnantladieslikeatruckloadofpumpkins."

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Thewearyteamchuckledinagreementfrombehindtheirmasks.

ButCarolmerelyinflatedherswithasigh.Danniglancedintoherfriend'sbloodshoteyes.
"Afterthis,"shesaidinalowvoice,"you'regoinghome."

"Andwhataboutyou,Doc?Yougoinghome?"Carolreachedacrossformoresuture,aflip
ofherwristconveyingthatshe'dstayaslongasDannidid.Afterthreeyearsofworkingside
byside,DanniandCarolreadeachother'smovementslikeMorsecode.

Dannisaidnothing.Onlythreeyearsinprivatepracticeandalreadyitwasallgettingtoher.
Carol'saggressiveprotectiveness.Thefullmoon.Babies.

Babies.
Babies.

Danni'shandsshookalittleassheopenedapalmforthesubcuticularsuture.Carolshother
asharp,appraisinglookbeforesheslappedthehemostatdownonherglove.

Dannipursedherlipsbehindhermask.DamnCarolandthewayshesawthrougheverything,
througheveryone.Damnherwithherbig,brown,understandingeyes.Whywerenurses
alwayssoridiculouslykindandwell-adjusted?

Dannifinishedthesuturing,strippedoffherglovesandannounced,"I'mtakingasnore.Don't
wakemeuntilthenextone'searsareout."

SheheardCarolordersomeoneelsetodresstheincision,andsensedherfriendrightonher
heelsasshehurriedtothedoctors'lockerroom.

Thedoorhadn'tevenswungbackbeforeCarolbangeditopenagain.Danniwasjust
loweringherselfintothereclinerwherethedoctorssleptfitfullywhiletheymonitoredtroubled
casesintheweehours.

"Whatiseatingyou?"Carolaskedcalmlyasshereachedupandtookablanketfromthetop
ofthelockers."Imean,besidesthefactthatthewholemonthofAugusthasbeenchaos,
andnowthemoonisfulltoboot-"sheshooktheblanketout`-andit'sthreeo'clockinthe
morningandyou'vedonefourdeliveriesandthreeemergencyC-sectionsinthelasttwelve
hours-"shespreadtheblanketoutoverDanni"-nottomentionstitchingupMr.Universe
downstairs."

Dannireachedup,pulledoffhersurgicalcapandtuggedthetourniquetfromhertangled
hair.

"Imean,I'veneverseenyoulikethis.Whatthehellwasthatlaughingbusiness?"

Danniwinced,rememberinghowshe'dactedinfrontofthefirefighter.
"Me?"shecountered."Whatwasthatstuffyouwerepulling?"

"Huh?"Carol'sexpressionwasallinnocence.

"YouknowwhatImean."Danniadoptedamimickingtone."Youarebeingstitchedupbythe

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bestofthebest."

"Hey.Iwasonlytryingtohelp.Theguywascute.AndIthinkhelikedyou.Somebody's
gottahelpyoumeetmen."Shepulledherowncapoffandranherfingersthroughherthick,
grayingcurlsasshestudiedDanni'sface."WhatonGod'sgreenearthiseatingyou?"

"Nothing."Dannitwitchedaroundundertheblanketforasecond,thensighed."Oh,allright,
it'sjustthat...Oh,Idon'tknow."Butshedidknow,andtryingtoholditbackgaverisetoa
spurtofsudden,surprisingtears.Forheavenssake,don'tbawlnow,shecommandedherself.
NotwithStonecomingbackanysecond.He'llassumeyoucan'thandlethepressure.

"Youdoknow,"Carolsaidflatly.Shedraggedaplasticchairupbesidetherecliner."Outwith
it."

"No,Idon'tknow,exactly.Imean,I'vegoteverythingIeverwanted.Athrivingpractice,a
gorgeoushouse,myhorseandmydogs..."Thenwhythetears?shewonderedwithoutCarol
havingtoask.

Carolextendedatissue.Dannidabbedhereyesandblewhernose."Inevercry,"shesaid.
"Buttonight,itseemslikeeverylittlethingbringstearstomyeyes.IalmostcriedwhenIfirst
sawthatfiremanintheE.R."

Carolshookherfingersasifthey'dbeenburned."Metoo,honey."

"No!ImeanwhenIfoundouthe'dbeenarescueratthebombing."

Carolgrewsolemn."Hewas?"

Danninodded."Butallkindsofotherthingshavebeengettingtome,too.I'mjustnot
myself.Thatinappropriatelaughter..."Dannitwistedthetissue."Itsoundsweird,butI
honestlythinkwhat'sreallybuggingmeisallthisdamned...fecundity."

Carol'seyebrowsshotup."Fecundity?"sherepeated.

"Yes,fecundity,"Dannisniffed."I'vegoteverythingIeverdreamedofwhileIwasstruggling
throughmedschoolandthathellishresidency.Thetroubleis,IguessIdidn'tdreamhard
enough.Thetroubleis..."Danni'seyesfilledwithtearsagainasshestaredattheacoustical
tileceiling.Whatwasthematterwithher?

ButCarolHolliswasatrustedfriend,andwhenDannifeltCarol'swarm,plumppalmclose
overherforearm,herdefensescrumbled.

"Troubleis,"shewenton,"I'veendedupwiththismanless,childless,lovelesslifefor
myself...."Dannithrewanarmoverhereyes.Whatshecouldn'texpressaloudwasthe
terriblefearthatshewouldalwaysbemanless,childless,loveless,andthereasonwhy.

"Thetroubleis,"Carolsaidsoftly,"you'reahumanbeing.Andafemalehumanbeingtoboot.
AndwhenyousawthathunkintheE.R.tonight,maybeheremindedyouofwhatyou're
missing."ShegaveDanni'sarmasqueeze,andDanninoddedbutdidn'tlowerherotherarm.
Admittingitwasbadenough;shecouldn'tlookintoCarol'seyesatthesametime.Andshe

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couldn'tpossiblytellhertherestofit,couldshe?

"And,let'ssee,you'llbethirty-threeonyournextbirthday,"Carolcontinued.

"Thirty-four,"Dannicorrectedinacroakywhisper.

"Right.Andatthirty-four,it'stimeforarealitycheck.Yourbiologicalclockistickingaway.
You'veseenthisreactionoftenenoughinpatients.Whyshouldyoubeanydifferent?"

Dannigavearuefullaugh."IalwayssaidI'dneverhavekids.Notafter-"

"Notafterwhat?"CarolpromptedwhenDanniwouldn'tcontinue.

ButDannicouldn'tgointothatstorynow-notwithpatientsoutthereneedingher."It'salong
story.Thepointis,lately,mybiologicalclock'sbeenbonginglouderthanBigBen!"She
loweredherarmandlookedatCarol,frustrationwithherselfmomentarilyovercomingher
pain."Butdon'tyouthinkthirty-four'skindofyoungforthat?Imean,rationallyIknow-"

"Rationalityhasverylittletodowithsomethings,hon.Maybeit'snotsomuchbiologyas
otherfactors.Asyousaid,yourpracticeisbooming.You'veprovedyourselfhereatHoly
Crossandnowyou'regettingreadytotakeonacoupleofpartners.Lookslikeyou'vegotit
made,career-wise."Carolemphasizedthelastwords.

Dannipulledthereclinerupright."You'reright.I'vebeenstrivingforsolong,Ihaven'thad
timetothinkaboutmypersonallife.Andsuddenly,nowthatI'vesucceeded..."

"Youwantlove,andafamily,perhaps,alongwitheverythingelse."Carolshruggedher
shoulders."Wantingtoloveandbelovedisnotexactlyacrime."

Dannifeltatinybubbleofhoperising.Yeah.Love.Whyshouldn'tDr.Dannihaveafamilyjust
likeeverybodyelse?Justlikeallherpatients?"Yeah,"shesaidaloud."Whyshouldn'tIhave
ababyofmyown-"

"Andaman,too?"Carolsuggested.

"Oh.Oh,yeah.Andtheman,too,"Dannisaidvaguely.Shehadasuddenflashbacktothe
firemanproppinghisheaduponhismusculararm,onlythistimetheimagedidn'tmakeher
laugh,andneitherdidthememoryofhiscompellingblueeyes.

Carolgaveheradubiouslook."Idon'tunderstandyoutwenty-first-centurywomen.WhenI
wasyourage,babiesweretheby-productoftheman,nottheotherwayaround."

Dannigrinned,feelingincontrolofherselfagain."Whenyouweremyage,youandGeorge
hadalreadycreatedalotofby-products."

Carolchuckled."Blameitonthemoon,honey.ButIwouldn'ttrademyfourboysfor
anything."ThenshepattedDanni'sarm."Listen,speakingofthemoon,you'dbettercatch
somesleep.Acoupleofthepatientsarealreadydilatedtoeight."

"Right."Danniwasrelievedtoclosehereyes,becauseshewasafraidthatiftheytalked
aboutmenandbabiesanymore,thetearsmightstartagain.Andshehatedtears.

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She'dconvincedherselflongagothatshecouldnotaffordtolettearsbegin.Notwhileshe
wasatwork.Andlongago,she'ddecidedthatshecouldneverrisktellinganyoneabouther
sister'sdeath-notifshewantedtoremaincalmandprofessionalandtakecareofher
patients.

Asfarbackasmedicalschool,DannihadlearnednottoevensayLisa'snameoutloud.That
waswhyshehadn'ttoldCarolthewholestoryjustnow.Butthen,whohadsheevertold?
Noone.Shebarelyunderstoodherfeelingsherself.Thatwastherealproblem.

No.TherealproblemwasthatLisahaddied.Andthatwouldneverchange.-

CHAPTERTHREE

LATER,INTHEGRAYpredawnhours,assheturnedoffPeoriaAvenueontoherown
street,Danni'smoodhadnotimproved.Theglamorouslifeofadoctor,shethoughtruefully
asshestruggledtokeephereyesopen,gratefulthatshelivedlessthanamilefromthe
hospital.

Preciselythereasonshe'dchosenthisupscale,historicneighborhoodinTulsa'sWoodward
Parkarea.

ShedroveherBMWupthegentleinclineofherdrivewayandwearilyclickedtheremote
control.ThegaragedoorslidupwithaflawlesshumandDannipulledintoherimmaculate,
unclutteredgarage,thenpunchedthebuttonagaintosealouttheworld.Lettingherselfin
throughtheutilityroom,sheenteredacompletelydark,silenthouse.

Hersilverweimaraners,PearlandSmoky,roselikeghostsfromtheirbedsandbrushed
againstherlegs."Well,hello,"Dannicroonedasshereacheddownandpettedthem."How
aremydoggies?"

Shepressedtheintercombuttononthesecuritypanel."Jackie?"shecalled,andwaitedfor
herhousekeepertoawakenandanswerfromupstairs."Jackie?"Noanswer.WasitJackie's
nightoff?

Shereachedovertopunchinthesecuritycode,thenrealizedthealarmwasoff.

Dadgumthatharebrainedgirl,shethought.HowmanytimesdidshehavetoremindJackie
toturnonthesecuritysystemwhenshewentout?Dannihitanotherbuttonandsoftsafety
lightsilluminatedthestairwell,bathroomsandhallwaysoftheentire3,700-square-foot
house.Lastspring,DannihadhiredthetopbuilderinTulsatorenovatethisvintagehouse
onasplitlot,withimpeccableattentiontodetailslikecopperawnings,customstonework,
andrealplasterwallswithbullnosemoldings.Underneaththegraciousantiquefacadewas
everyamenityofmodernconstructionimaginable,fromzonedheatandairtounderground
sprinklers.Thehousewitheverything,Dannisometimesthought,exceptpeopletoshareit
with.

Shetookasharprightintoacentralhallwhereanarrowoakstairwaywoundupwardanda
smallerhallwayveeredbacktowardthestudyandmastersuite.Archeddoorwaysfromthis
centralhallledtothekitchen/greatroom,andtheformaldininglivingareas.Thedogs

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paddedoffinthedirectionofthekitchen.

Dannistoodinthehallway,feelinglikealaboratorymousechoosingbetweencompeting
drives.Thebathroom?Thekitchen?Thebed?Sheneededthemallatonce.

Shetrudgedasfarasthesmallguestbathroomnexttoherstudy,thenwashedherhands
andsplashedcoolwateronherface.

Assheblotteddryshestudiedherreflectioninthemirror,anddidn'tlikewhatshesaw:
sallowcomplexion,bloodshoteyes,limphair.Shegaveherhighcheekbonesapinch.
Preciouslittlecolorappeared,andherskinfeltoilyandcoarse.Shelookeddownather
bluntlytrimmednailsandbleached,crackedcuticles.Well,scrubbingforsurgerywasn't
exactlyamanicure.Shebackedawayfromthemirror,pulledoffherwrinkledscrubsand
droppedtheminaheapat
herfeet.

Hopeless,shethoughtassheturnedsidewaysandsuckedinhertummy.Thatbulgewasthe
resultoftoomanyfast-foodmealsontherun,thosehipsfromtoomuchhorsebackriding
andnotenoughjogging,andthese-shepushedherD-cupbreastsupanotchintheutilitarian
supportbra-whatcouldshepossiblydoaboutthese?

Disheartened,shecutthroughthestudytothemastersuitewhereshethrewonhertrusty
oldpinkchenillerobe,then,pushingbacktheguiltbytellingherselfshedeservedsome
comfortfood,sheheadedforthefridge.

Thekitchen/greatroom,amassiveareawithatriumdoorsflankingahugestonefireplace,
wouldhavebeendarkexceptthat,predictably,Jackiehadnotdrawnthedrapes.Moonlight
streamedinthroughabankofColonialwindowsonthesouthwall,castinganeerieglow
overthespace.Bydaylightthiswasastunningroomwithitspaletaupecabinetwork,oak
flooring,andmutedtapestryfabrics,buttonightitseemedascoldasacave.

Shehitthereplaybuttononheransweringmachineassheroundedthegranite-topped
islandinthekitchen,thenpaddedtothedouble-sidedrefrigerator.Shejerkedthedooropen
andstoodintheblastofartificiallightandcoldair,surveyingastaggeringarrayoffood.
Jackiecouldcook-Danniwouldgiveherthat.

Beep."Danni,dear!"Itwashermother'svoice,soundingannoyinglycheerfulatfourinthe
morning."Areyounevertobefoundinyourlovelyhome?AuntHetraandAuntDottieandI
aregoingshoppingatUticaSquaretomorrowandIthoughtwe'ddropbyfirstsotheycould
seehowbeautifullyyourhouseturnedout.Wouldthatbeokay?Bytheway,Wesley
Fuerborne'smothercalledmetoday,andguesswhat?WesleyiscomingbacktoTulsa!Isn't
thatnice?"

Dannirolledhereyes.Wouldhermothernevergiveup?WesleyFuerborne.Dannihadn't
seenhimsincecollege.TheirrelationshiphadseemedtopleaseallofTulsasociety-
everybodybutDanni.WhatwasitaboutWesley?Well,foronethingthesexhadbeen
terrible.Awkwardandjuvenile.Hadthatbeenherfaultorhis?Didn'tmatter.Itcertainly
hadn'tbeengoodenoughtooffsetDanni'sirrationalfearofbecomingpregnanteverytime
theirrelationshiphadgottenphysical,despitetheprecautionsshe'dinsistedon.

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Hermother'svoicewasgoingonbrightly."Suchaniceyoungman.Hewantstoseeyou
whilehe'shere,andIwasthinkingmaybeyoutwocouldjoinmefortheTulsaPerforming
ArtsGala."

PearlandSmokyhadpositionedthemselvesontheirhaunchesatDanni'sfeet,staring
expectantlyupward.Shetossedthemeachachunkofcheeseandsaid,"Goliedown!"ina
sternvoicethatthedogsignored.

"Callmesoon,sweetheart.We'lldropbytomorrow."Beep.

Dannirolledhereyesagainandfocusedonthefood.Shepassedonthesensibletuna-and-
pastasalad,andgrabbedagrilledporkchop.Shestoodatthekitchenislandanddevouredit
withoutbenefitofsilverwareasshestaredoutathermoonlitbackyard.

Thatmoon.

Silent.Waiting.Calling.

HowfarthemoonwasfromEarth,yethowintimatelycloseitfelt.Howcompelling.Andhow
shehatedthehauntingsightofit.

Danniwasn'tevenawareofhermovementsasshewanderedaroundtheislandanddropped
ontotheleathercouchfacingthesouthernwindows.Shekeeledtohersideandlaythere,
watchingthemoonfloathighoverthetrees.

Shewasso,sotired.

Shewantedtosleep,notvisitherold,sadmemories;notthinkaboutallthatshehadseen
tonight."SometimesIhatethisjob,"shemurmuredtothemoon,andclosedhereyes,willing
thatlastsceneatthehospital-especiallythatone-away.

Thethingsadoctorsaw-birthanddeathandeverythinginbetween-werefrequently
heartrending,butsometimestheyactuallymarkedyoursoul.Thatwastherisk.

Bythreeo'clockthismorning,LaborandDeliveryhadsloweddownenoughforDannito
dashouttoPostpartumtocheckontheburnvictim.Thepatientwasstable,Carolhad
calledinthesocialworkerandthechaplaintocounselandconsole,andtherehadbeenlittle
elsetheycoulddo.ButDannihadwantedtomakesurethewoman'ssedativeswere
working.Asshe'dapproachedthepatient'sdoorshe'dheardher,quietlysobbing.

Danniturnedtogobacktothenurses'stationtogetmoresedativewhensheheardthe
firefighter'sdeepvoice."I'llstayhereaslongasyouneedme."

Dannifrownedandcreptbacktothedoorjambandlookedin.Hewasstandingbythe
mother'sbed,holdingherhand,withhisbacktoDanni.Hehadputhisfirepantsbackon
underthehospitalgown,andnowworepaperhospitalshoes.

"I'msoafraid,"Danniheardthemothersay.

"They'redoingeverythingtheycan.Youjusthavetobestrong,"hisdeepvoiceanswered.

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ThemotherbrokeintofreshsobsandDanniwatchedhimbendforwardandwraphis
uninjuredarmaroundherinaprotectivehug,causingthehospitalgowntogapeopen,
exposinghistannedback.

"Th-thankyouforsavingmybabies!"thewomansobbed,andclungtohisbareskin.

"IonlywishIcouldhavegottenthemoutsooner,ma'am."Danniheardatightnessinhis
voice.Washecrying?Sheturnedtogo,thinkingsheshouldn'teavesdrop,whensomething
themothersaidstoppedher.

"Doyoupray?"thewomanasked.

ForsomereasonDanniwantedtoknow.Didhe?

Hestraightenedandtookthemother'shandagain."Yes,ma'am.Istartedprayingaboutfour
yearsago.Ithelpsalot."

"Wouldyouprayformybabies?"

"Yes,ma'am."Hegotdownononeknee,andstillholdingthemother'shand,begantopray
soquietly,soreverently,thatDannihadtostraintohearthewords.

"Lord,we'recomingtoyounowtoaskyoutohelpthismotherandherbabies.Weaskonly
that-"

Hestoppedasifhehadtoconsiderwhat,exactly,toaskinthesedirecircumstances.Danni
leanedforward.

"Weaskthatyoutakethebabiesintoyourcare.We'returningthemovertoyou,Lord.We
trustinyouandyourwill.Pleasegivethismotherthestrengthsheneeds...Andgiveher
peace.Amen."

Dannibackedawayfromthedoorandwentdownthehalltogetthesedatives,knowingthat
shecouldnotmatchwhatthisfiremanhadofferedthroughhispresenceandhisprayers.

Now,thememoryofthatscenecausedtearstospringintoDanni'seyesasshelayonher
couch.

Thatpoor,poorwoman,Dannithought.She'dneededMatthewCreed'scompanyand
supporttonight.Dannihopedtherewerepeopleinthewoman'slifewhowouldgiveherthe
strengthshewasgoingtoneed.Weallneedpeople,Dannithought,suddenlyfeelingmore
lonelythansheeverhadinherlife.

Sheburrowedhercheekagainstthecouchandallowedasingleteartoslideontothesoft
leather."Whycan'tIfindsomeone?"shewhisperedtothemoon'smockingface.Butthe
moon,sosilent,hadnoanswer.

Carolhadguessedright,atleastpartially.Dannihadbeenrunningscaredformostofher
life-runningfromwhathadhappenedtoLisa.NowthatDannihadmadeitasadoctor,there
wasnowhereelsetogo,nothingelsetodistractherfromtheemptinessofherpersonal

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life;fromthatold,oldpainthatshethoughtshe'dsuccessfullysealedoffsomanyyearsago.

"Oh,sissy,I'msoscared,"shewhispered.Now-inherownhome-sheshouldbeabletocry,if
shewantedto;tosobandscreamandbreakthings,ifshewantedto.Butshe'dtrained
herselfforsolongtoholdheremotionsin.Shesqueezedhereyesshutand,beforelong,
sankintoabottomlesssleep,wherefromdeeprecesses,disturbingdreamssurfaced.

NottheusualdreamsofLisa,stillalive.

Thesewerefeverishdreams.Dreamsofastrongman,carryingherthroughflames,laying
herunderacoolmoon,makingfiercelovetoher,overandover.Dreamsinwhichherlonging
andherpainandherlonelinessatlastmeltedaway.

CHAPTERFOUR

THESMELLOFHAMFRYINGandtheglaringintrusionofsunlightwokeDanni.Thepillow
underherheadandthewoventhrowtuckedaroundhermeantthatJackiewashome,upto
herusualministrations.

Dannihadoriginallyhirednineteen-year-oldJackieSmithtoworkasamedicalassistant,but
hadquicklynoticedthatJackiehadahabitofcleaningandstraighteningtheofficewithout
beingtold.Theheftygirlalsoregularlybroughtinwonderfulhomemadegoodiesforthestaff
tomunchon.WhenJackiehadendedupneedingaplacetohidefromherabusive,alcoholic
man,Dannihadaskedifshe'dliketomoveinwithherinreturnforhousekeepingduties.

Upstairs,avacuumcleanerstarted,thenabruptlystopped.Thencamethesoundofheavy
footstepsgallopingdownthestairs,andJackie'svoice--"Shit!"-followedbythesoundofa
spatulafranticallyworkingtosavetheham.

"Tryingtodothreethingsatonceagain?"Dannimumbledfromthecouch.

"Doc!"Jackiewhirledaroundfromhercooking."You'reawake!"

Dannisatup,lookedoverthebackofthecouch,andstretched."Unfortunately.Whattimeis
it?""Eighto'clock."

Dannicutshortayawn."Shoot!WhathaveIgotattheoffice?"

"Nothin'.It'sSaturday."

"Saturday?"Hadshelostanentiredayinthefull-mooncrazinessatthehospital?"Then,
wherewereyoulastnight?"

"Mynightclass,remember?"

"Oh,yeah.How'sthatgoing?"

"Great!Iloveaccounting.Doc,Ijustcan'tthankyouenoughforpayingmytuition."

"Youearnit."Danniwavedapalm,dismissingherowngenerosity.Whatgoodwasmoneyif
youcouldn'thavefunwithit?Thenshefrowned."ButwhenIcameinatfour,youstill

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weren'thome."

Jackielookedsheepish."AfterclassIhadahotdate.Hopethat'sokay.That'swhyI'm
double-timingittoday."

Jackie,abillowysizefourteen,alwayshaddatescomingoutofherears.Dannisighed,rose
fromthecouch,pulledherrobeupunderherchinandpaddedintothekitchen.Shepoured
herselfamugofcoffee,swallowedabitofherpridewiththefirstgulp,andsaid,"Jackie,mind
ifIaskyouapersonalquestion?"

"Notatall-"Jackiewasbusycrackingeggs'-unlessit'soneo'themgynecologicalones."
Jackiecastheremployeraknowingglance."Don'tworryaboutme.I'mcareful."Herdark
eyestwinkledmischievously.
"Oh,it'snotthatkindofpersonal.It'shmm,well..."Dannijammedherhandsintothepockets
ofherrobeasshefelthercheeksgrowhot.

Jackiestoppedwhiskingtheomeletshe'dpoured."Why,Doc,what'seatingyou?"Sheeyed
herbosssuspiciously.

Damn!TheexactsamequestionCarolhadaskedlastnight.Wasitengravedonher
forehead:SomethingisEatingMe!Danniscrewedupherface."Nothingiseatingme,"she
protested."I'mjustsickandtiredofworkingconstantly,followedbylonelyeveningsinthis
big,emptyhouse.Howtheheckdoyoudoit?"

Jackielookedgenuinelyconfused."Dowhat?"

"Getallthosedates,forcryingoutloud!"

"Ah,"Jackiebreathedandnodded,makinghergigantichoopearringswobble.Thenshe
pursedherthickbrick-redlipsandsquintedatDanni."Naw.Youwouldn'tlistenevenifItold
you.You'reaboveallthatstuff!"

"Aboveallwhatstuff?"

"Youknow.Bein'aman-trap."

"Aman-trap!"Danni'smouthquirkedinasmile.Jackiewassuchacase.

"Toldyou."Jackieaimedherfacebacktowardthestoveandemptiedthesteamingomelet
ontoaplate,thenhelditunderDanni'snose.

Dannitooktheplateandsetitdownonthegranitecounterwithanirritatedclunk.She
plantedherhandsonherhips."I'mserious.Tellmewhatyoudotoattractallthosemenwho
areconstantlyswirlingaroundyou.Justgiveittomestraight.I'madoctor,afterall."

Jackiehesitated,stillholdingtheomeletpan,andgaveDannialong,frowningassessment.

"You'readoctor,allright,"shefinallyanswered."Maybethat'swhyyouthinkyou'reabove
thedatinggame.Youknow-toogoodtousealittleperfume,alittlecolor,alittlepretty."She
shookhershinyearringsforemphasis.

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Danni'smouthpoppedopentospeak,butJackiewasonaroll."Youthinkamanshouldlook
atyouandseeyourbrainsandyourcharacter.Well,listen,honey,amandon'twanttoscrew
Einstein-he'slookin'toscrewawoman.Alittleadvertisingneverhurt.Alittlesomethingthat
says-"Jackiearchedaperfectlypluckedeyebrow"-`Iamafemale.'Thatstraightenoughfor
you?"Sheturned,mercifully,torinsetheomeletpaninthesink.

Danni'smouthwasstillajar.Andsheknewhercheekswereredderthanthedevil.Butshe
hadtodosomething.Evenifitmeantpumpingahigh-schooldropoutforinformation.
Becausetherealitywas,Jackiehadmendeliveringrosestothisveryhouse.

"AreyoutellingmeI'munattractive?"Dannilookeddownatherself.

Jackieturnedfromsprayingthepanandinonesquinty-eyedsweeptookinthefadedpink
robe,thedisheveledhairdroopingfromacenterpartinnodiscerniblestyle,theskindevoid
ofmakeup."Now,don'ttakethiswrong-"

"Goon,"Danniurged,lookingintohercoffeecup,thenshetookalongsip.

NowitwasJackie'sturntoplantherhandsonherhips."Ibeenworkingforyoutwoyears,
andI'lltellyousomething,Doctor.Youknowalotabouthumansexuality,asyoucallit,but
notmuchaboutthehumanmale."

"I..."Danni'smouthpoppedopen,againtoprotest,butsheclampeditshut."I'mlistening,"
shesaidsoftly.

"Okay.You'reasmartlady,youtellme."Jackieturnedtothesinkandpulledonapairof
householdgloves."Sayyou'reaman.What'smoreattractive?Thosecombatbootsyou
wear,ormypurplespikeheels?Thoseindustrial-strengthbrasandsaggycottonunderpants-
"shejerkedherthumbtowardthelaundryroomwhereshe'dapparentlywashedaloadthis
morning"-ormyprettylittleteddies?MyObsession-"shewavedherwrist"-oryoursurgical
soap?Iaskyou?Which?"

Purplespikeheels?Teddies?Danni'smindrebelled.Ifshehadtodresslikeatrampto
attractaman,forgetit.Firstofall,shewastoobustyforastringy,lacyanything.Andwhat
doctorinherrightmindspentthedayinheels?"YouknowperfectlywellthatIdonotwear
perfumebecauseitnauseatessomepatients,"sherepliedhaughtily.

"That'sfineforwork-"Jackieplungedherhandsintothesudsywater"-butwhataboutthe
restofyourlife?Ihaveneverevenseensomuchasabottleo'toiletwateraroundhere.
Andyouwithmoneytoburn.Girl,youcanaffordthebest."

Danniwasthoughtfulasshepushedherglassesuponhernose."Okay.Iguessitwouldn't
hurttotryalittleperfume...."

"Yeah.Andspeakin'ofmoney.Why'reyousoattachedtothosegeekyglasses?Iknowyou
canaffordcontacts."

BeforeDannicouldanswerthatone,JackiewhirledaroundandliftedDanni'shairawayfrom
oneearwithasoapyglove."Youdon'tevenhaveyourearspierced.It'slikeyou'reafraidof
actinglikeagirl."Jackiestaredatherforamoment,thenturnedbacktothesink.

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Dannisankdownonthebarstool.Well.She'daskedforthis,hadn'tshe?"YoureallythinkI
shouldtrythosemanipulativefemininetricks?"shesaidtoJackie'sbroadback.

Withoutlookingupfromthedishes,Jackienodded."Iain'ttalkin'tothesepans,sister.And
thesethingsain'ttricks."

"ButIdon'tthinkI'dbecomfortable....Idon'tevenknowwheretostart."Dannithrewupher
hands."Idon'thavetheslightestideahowto...howtobe...sexy."

Jackieshrugged."YouaskedmehowIgetdates.That'show."

Dannishookherhead."I'dprobablymakeafoolofmyself."

Jackielookedupfromthesink.OverhershouldershegaveDanniathoughtful,sympathetic
frown,thenherbestbad-girlgrin."Iknow!Whatyouneedisasexyfairygodmother.And
honey-"shecockedherhip,plantedonesudsyfistthere4-youlookin'atthesexiest."

Thedoorbellchimed.DanniandJackieglancedateachother,puzzled.Noonewas
expected.ThenDannigroanedandranahandthroughhermessyhair."Oh,no.It'sMother
andAuntHetraandAuntDottie.Iforgottheyweregoingtodropby."

"I'llgoandstallthemwithsomecoffee."Jackiestartedtostripoffhergloves.

"No,youfinishyourdishes.I'llletthemin."Dannitightenedthebeltofherrobeandheaded
downthehall,thencalledoverhershoulder,"Actually,somecoffeeandrollswouldbenice."

Hetra,DottieandOliviaflutteredthroughthedoorandintoDanni'sfoyerlikeaflockof
colorfullittlebirds.ThethreeBartletsistershadgrownupamongtheprivilegedofTerwilleger
HeightsintheshadowoftheelegantPhilbrookMuseumofArt,whichhadbeendedicated
whentheywerechildren.Thehourstheyhadspentexploringthemuseumwiththeirmother,
adocent,hadimbuedthesisterswithimpeccabletaste.Nowallthreewerewealthywidowsin
theirlatesixties,stillactiveandproductiveinthecommunity,stillbeautifulandstylish.

Unfortunately,Dannihadnotinheritedthefamilypenchantforpersonalstyle,andasalways,
shefelthomely,drabandunkemptasshehuggedhermotherandheraunts.

"Danni,dear!"HermotherpushedDanni'swildhairbackandkissedheronthecheek."I
hopewedidn'twakeyou.I'mafraidwe'reabitearly."

"It'sokay,Mom.Iwasup,butIhaven'tpulledmyselftogetheryet."Dannistraightenedthe
collarofherrobeandsmiledatheraunts."Roughdayyesterday,andanevenroughernight."
"Lotsofladieshavingtheirbabies,dear?"herAuntHetraaskedkindly.

Danninodded."Thatoldfullmoonagain."

"Well,asIalwayssay,agooddoctorcertainlyearnshermoney!"AuntDottiechimedin.
"Andyoumustbeoneverybusyobstetrician!Lookatthishouse!"

Oliviabeamed."Isn'titgorgeous?"ThesisterswalkedaheadofDanni,flutteringand
chattering,intothesunnylivingroom.

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Danniwaspleasedwiththeirreactiontoherremodelingjob.Atleastshehadinheritedone
aspectoftheBartletsenseofstyle-aflairforinteriordecorating.

Theauntsnoticedeverything.Theypraisedeverything.EvenJackie'scinnamonrolls.

"DidyougetmymessageaboutgoingtothegalawithWesleyFuerborne?"Oliviaasked
whileshewasstirringcreamintohersecondcupofcoffee.

"Uh..."Dannitookasipfromhercup."Idon'tknowaboutthatdeal,Mom."

"Whatdoyoumean?"

"Imean,I,uh,don'thaveaformaldress."

"Well,whodoesthisearlyintheseason?"AuntDottieinterjected."That'swhywe'regoing
overtoMissJackson'sthismorning,tostartlooking-Ihaveawonderfulidea!Whydon'tyou
comewithus,Danni?Wecanallhelpyouselectsomethingstunning."

OliviaandHetracooedtheirapprovalofthisidea.

"Oh,somethingblue."

"Yes,getitdoneearly."

Danniraisedapalminprotest."I'm-Mom,I'msorry."

Justthen,Jackiecameintotheroomtocollecttheemptypastrytray.

"Ican'tgo,"DannisaidandsentJackieaconspiratorialglance."I'malreadygoingshopping
withJackie."

Jackieraisedherpencil-thineyebrows,onlyafraction,butotherwisemaintainedhersmiling
silenceassheloadedemptychinadessertplatesontothetray.

"Shopping?"AuntHetraaskedasifsomethingabouttheideadidn'tringtrue.

"Yes.Wegoshoppingtogetheronceinawhile.For...essentials."

"Essentials,"Jackieparrotedsmoothly,thenbustledoutoftheroom.

Theladiesmadetheirdeparturegraciously,afterOliviahadextractedapromisefromDanni
todecideaboutthegala"soon."

BeforeOliviahadevenbackedherMercedesdownDanni'sdriveway,Jackiepounced."You
knowwhat,Doc?Youweren'tlying.Youaregoingshopping
withme."

ShestartedDannioutwithanonthreateningtriptotheshoedepartmentforsome
comfortable,classic,snipped-toepumps,thenshewhiskedherofftoBetterSportswearto
buyasilkpantsuitinafeminineshadeofrose.Simple.Elegant.

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Dannidecidedshewasactuallyhavingfun.

Attheperfumecounter,Jackiesniffedandswoonedlikeshewasinheaven,butDanni
developedasinusheadache.AnastutesaleswomanhelpedDannichooseaclean,
understatedscentthatsheloved,andthatsetherback150dollars.

"Iwillpiercemyownears,"DanniprotestedwhenJackietuggedherarminthedirectionof
thelocalear-piercingemporium."Iamasurgeon,forcryingoutloud."

"Deal,"Jackiesaidandsteeredhertoajewelrystorewhereshecoaxedherintobuyinga
thousand-dollarpairofdiamondstuds.

"Thesewilllookgreatagainstyourhair."Jackieheldtheopenvelvetjewelryboxnextto
Danni'sjawwhiletheyweredowningaquicklunch.Thenhersmiledissolvedintoan
appraisingfrown."Speakingofhair..."Shecontinued.

"Oh,no,youdon't!"Danniclutchedthebigbraidcurvingoverhershoulder."I'vebeen
wearingmyhairthiswayallofmylife-"

"Exactly.Abouttimeforachange,don'tyouthink?AndIknowsomebodywhocouldwork
wondersonyou,girl."

Dannirolledhereyes,imaginingthatJackiehadsomefriendofafriendwho'dgiveherabig-
hairjobthatwouldknockyoureyesout,perhapsliterally."No,"sherepliedinherbestboss's
voice."Thatisfinal."

Jackiestuckoutherfull,crimsonglossedlowerlip."Ah,now,"shesaid,makingapinch
betweenthumbandforefinger,"notevenatinylittletrim?"

JAME'SFAVORITESALONwascalledTres,forthree-hair,nails,andskin-andDannihadto
admititwasprettychic.

First,JackiehauledherovertosomebodynamedLoretta,acousin'sbestfriend,whogave
Danni"theperfectFrenchmanicure,"keepingthelengthcompatiblewithDanni'sprofessional
duties.Notbad,Dannithought.

Thefacialtheygaveherwhilehernailsdriedwasn'tbad,either,Dannireflectedasshelay
underthesoothingmask.

Andshedecidedshedefinitelylikedthepedicure.Notforthewayhertoessparkledwithruby
tipswhenitwasover,butforthewayherbeleagueredcalfmuscleshadcompletelyrelaxed
underthepedicurist'smassaginghands.

Danniwasbeginningtowonderwhyshehadn'tindulgedherselfthiswaybefore,andthenit
wastimeforthehaircut."Ican'tlook!"shesqueakedandcoveredhereyesasa"hairartist,"
whosenametagreadNaomi,winkedatJackieandraisedgold-platedscissors.

The"tinylittletrim"turnedouttobeaheart-stoppingtransformationofhideousproportions.

JackieandNaomikeptpattingitandexclaiming"Gorgeous!"whileDannilookedinthemirror
andwondered,WhatthehellhaveIdone?Herformerlylong,wavyhairnowmushroomedup

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fromherwidow'speakandcascadedintoathousandunrulylayersthatprickedathercheeks
andneckliketentacles.ShelookedlikeanextraonStarTrek.

"It's...it'sbighair,"shestammeredintothemirror.

"Uh-huh,"Naomiintonedprofessionally."Bigisback.'Course,evenwiththeperm,Ihadto
usealotofvolumizer."

AFTERBATTLINGALLWEEKENDtobeatthemessonherheadintosubmission,Danni
showedupatherofficeMondaymorningwithtworidiculouslittleclipspullinghernewbangs
backfromherforehead.Shehadseriouslyconsideredwearingasurgicalcapforthenextsix
months.

"Whathappenedtoyourhair?"herstaffaskedinunison.Themorningbustleoftheoffice
abruptlyceased,andtheywereallstaringatherasifshe'dwalkedinnaked.

"Dr.Dannigotabadhaircut,"shesnapped."Nowlet'sgettowork."

But,asusual,Carolwasontoher.Dannisawhereyeingthenailsandtheearrings.She
pokedherheadintoDanni'sofficeafterthelastpatienthadgone."Georgeandtheboysare
ataballgame.Let'sgoeat.Mytreat."

AssoonasDannihadtakenafewbitesofthecomfortingMexicanfood,sheconfessed.
"JackiethoughtIneededfixingup.Iletherdragmeonamakeoverspree."

"SothisisJackie'shandiwork."CarolbrandishedatortillachiptoindicateDanni'shair.

"Yeah.Permed,highlighted,and-"whathadthatwomancalledit?"-volumized."Dannimadea
sourfaceandliftedatasselofbangsthathadescapedtheclips."Cute,huh?"

"Adorable.Butthenailsreallyaren'tbad.""Youshouldseemypedicure."

"Pedicure?"CarolstoppedeatingandgaveDanniaskepticallook."Whyallthisfrou-frou
groomingallofasudden?"

Danniblushed,shovedinamouthfulofchili.

"It'sthemanthing,isn'tit?"Carolasked.

"Themanthing?NowyousoundlikeJackie.Shewantstoturnmeintosomekindof
mantrap.Besides,Itoldyouit'snotjustaman,it'safamilyIwant."

Carol'seyesgrewsoftwithunderstanding."Oh?Well,Idon'trecommendit,butafamilycan
behadwithoutaman."Shereachedacrossthetable,squeezedDanni'sforearmand
continuedmorequietly."Comeon.You'reanobstetrician.Severalunwantedbabiesayear
slipthroughyourhands."

Dannibitherlipandconsideredthat.Asifshehadn'tathousandtimesbefore.She'dplaced
afewadoptablebabieswithsinglemothers.Thosecaseshadfilledherwithjoy.Whycouldn't
shejustdothesamethingforherself?Shetookahugegulpofhericedtea."Okay.Ido
wanttheman.Iwantahusbandandafamily.Okay?"Shelookeddownatthenapkininher

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lap."Ijust...Ijust..."Shesmoothedthecloth."Thetruthis,nobodyeverasksmeout."She
wassilentforamoment,
thencontinued.

"Unfortunately,allthemenImeetaresoon-to-befathers.AndallthemenIalreadyknoware
eitherattachedortheyconsidermeagoodbuddy."

Carolcouldsympathize.She'dbeeninDanni'sshoesherself,andherheartachedforthe
youngerwoman.Allherownmalefriendsfromhighschoolandchurchhadknownherasthe
studiousoverweightgirlwhowouldlistentotheirtroubles-usuallyaboutothergirls.

Butthenhadcomethatglorioussummerwhenshe'dmetGeorge.Thesummer
whenshe'dforgottenaboutherweight,forgottenabouthersociallife,goneofftobeacamp
counselor,decidedshe'dspendthesummerhikingwithkids,beingfreeandhealthy.Bythe
timeshe'dmetGeorge,shewastanned,firm,andvigorous.Andbecauseshe'dthought
she'dneverseeGeorgeagainaftercampended,shehadletherselfrelaxaroundhim.She'd
flirted,beensilly,andfun,andfeminine.

Evennow,sherememberedthefirsttimehe'daskedhertodanceatthecampsocial.
Rememberedhowithadfelttodancewithhim,tobeclosetohim,rememberedhishand
lightlyrestingonherhipwhenthey'dorderedicecreamintown,rememberedtheirfirstkiss.
Andthatfinalstrollbesidethelakewhenhe'dproposed.Ithadallbeensothrilling!

ShelookedDanniovernow,withrealcompassioninhereyes."Danni,haveyouever
consideredthatmaybeyou'resendingthewrongsignals?"

"Uh-oh."Dannistartedfillingafajita."Signals.ThatsoundslikewhatJackiesaid.ShesaidI
neededadvertising.Perfumeand...purpleheels,forcryingoutloud."

"Purpleheels?Oh,forheaven'ssake.Whatdoesthatchildknow?I'mtalkingabouthealthy
femininesignals,comingfromrealfeminineconfidence."

"I'mconfident,"Dannidefendedasshebitoffacornerofthefajitaandchewed.

Carolstaredather."Isaidfeminineconfidence."

Danniswallowedandlookedmiserable."Totellyouthetruth,Idon'thavetheslightestidea
whatyoumeanbythat.IalwaysassumedIcouldbemyselfandgetaman.Mymother
alwayssaysthereareplentyoffishinthesea."

"Thereare,honey.Thereare.Andyoushouldalwaysbeyourself,butwhenyougofishing..."
Carolpaused."HowdoIsaythis?Whenyougofishing,youhavetotakesomegoodbait."

"Okay,"Dannisaiddespitehermisgivings-shehatedthesoundofthewordbait."Whatdo
youhaveinmind?"

WhatCarolhadinmindalmostcausedDannitochokeonthemouthfuloffoodshewas
chewing.

"Iwasthinking-"Carolsmiledaslow,cunning-Dannithoughtmaybeevenalittlefiendish-

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smile"-ofputtingyouonadiet."

"Adiet!You,ofallpeople,"Dannisputtered,"suggestingadiet.You'realwayssayingweight's
notanissuetoahappywoman,howyourHusbandlovesyounomatterwhatyourweightis,
howlongagoyousetasidethosefalsenotionsabout'thin'equals'attractive'-"

Carolheldupapalmtohalther."We'renottalkingaboutmyweight,here.Andthedietisn't
soyoucanattractaman.It'stomakeyoufeelgoodaboutyourself-healthier,happier.That's
realfeminineconfidence.Howaboutit?Justalittlediet?"

BUTWHATCAROLHADinmindwasn'tjust"alittlediet."

ThenextdayafterworkshedraggedDannitoSuperSportswheresheconvincedhertobuy
enoughexerciseequipmenttoopenherowngym.

"Youhavetocommit,"CarolsaidcheerfullywhileDanniwrotetheastronomicalcheckand
arrangedtohavethestuffinstalledinthesunnysouthernbedroomupstairs.

ThenextdayshepersuadedDannithattheyneededtotakealonglunch,andtoldJackie
exactlywhattocookforitwhileCarolandDanniwereupstairs"doingDanni'sworkout."

"Thatwoman'sgonnakillyou,"Jackiecomplainedafewdayslaterwhilesherebelliously
scoopedhomemadechocolatechipcookiesontoaplatter.
"Onecupofsteamedbroccoli-"shemimickedCarol'sthroatyvoice"-threeouncesofbroiled
flounder,andten-count'em-tengreengrapes."

"Ithinkit'salreadyworking,"Dannisaid,butshenibbledonacookieanyway.

Carolhadaroyalfitwhenshediscoveredthecookies.Shehauledthemupstairsto"dispose"
ofthemherselfwhileshebossedDannithroughheraerobics.

"You'retough!"Carolboomedaroundamouthfulofcookie."You'repumped!You'rebuff!
You'realean,meanmachine!"CaroltookabigbiteofcookieandDannikickedhigher,
sharper."You'resweating!Askingformore!Youhavetheeyeofthetiger!Garr-"

"Oh,shutthehellup!"Dannishouted,snatchingacookieandcrammingitinhermouth.

Afterthat,Caroldecidedshewassettingabadexampleasacoach,andJackiedecidedif
shewasgoinghavetocookdietfood,shemightaswelleatit,too.

So,thethreeofthemagreedtostretchandsweatandstarvetogether.

Carolbecamearegulardrillsergeantabouttheexercises,andJackiegotjustplainvicious
aboutthediet.Paper-thintomatoslices.Low-fatcreamcheesespreadinatransparentfilm.
Sugarinanyformbanished.

Dannihatedeveryminuteofit.

Butafterameretendaysofthistorture,theresultsweredefinitelystartingtoshow:Danni's
skinwasglowing,hergreeneyeswereclear,andherslacksseemedlooser.Andshedidfeel
healthier,happier.

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Andthefireman,ofallpeople,wasthefirsttonotice.

CHAPTERFIVE

THEHEADNURSEINTHEemergencyroomcalledupstairsherself.

"HaveyouseenDr.Goodlovethismorning?"sheaskedtheyoungwardclerk,whohungup
thephone,whirledherchairaroundandrepeatedthewholejuicyconversationfortheentire
staff.

"Thatgood-lookin'fireman-youknow,theonethatlookslikeTomSelleck?-he'sdowninthe
E.R.togethissuturesremoved,insistingthatDr.Goodlovedoitherself.Says-getthishe
likesherlaugh."

"W0000!"thestaffallcroonedandturnedtoDanni,whostoodatthechest-highdesk,
writinganoteonachart.

"Ineverlaugh,andyouallknowit,"shequippedwithoutglancingupfromherwork.

Butassoonasshefinishedexaminingapatientinlabor,shehurrieddownstairs,telling
herselfshewasagreeingtodothisoutofsimplecuriosity.Wastheguyreallyasgorgeous
asshe'dremembered?

Ohmy,yes.Hereallywas.

Hewaswaitingbehindacurtain,sittinguponagurney,shirtless,withhislegsdanglingin
snugjeansandcowboyboots.Dannidecidedhischestwasevenmoreamazingthanshe'd
remembered-well-definedpectoralstaperingdownintohardridgesoftheintercostals,small
darknipples,thatperfectpatternofhair,andsotanned-orwasthathisnaturalskincolor?

Dannigrabbedupthechartandspoketohimwithoutlookingupfromthepages."Mr.Creed,
Itrusteverythinghealednicely."

"YouareDr.Goodlove,aren'tyou?"heanswered.

Sheglancedupathimandonlythendidsherealizethathewasstaringathersomewhat
incredulously.

"Thesamewomanwhostitchedmeup?"heasked.

"Yes."Dannifrowned.

"Youlookso...sodifferent."

"Well-"shesmiled"-youweredruggedthefirsttimewemet."

"No,really."Hetiltedhishead,studyingher,likeapainterassessingamodel."Youlook
really...different."

Dannifeltasmallsurgeofsatisfaction."Justafewpoundslighter."

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Shetookhisarmandexaminedthenearly-healedburns,thewell-mendedsutureline.Asshe
tracedherfingersoverhisfirm,smoothskinshewonderedwhyshewasfeelingsoself-
conscious.Hewasonlyaman.Butwhensheglancedup;tothoseblueeyes,whichwere
peeringatherintently,sheknewwhy.Hewasnotjustanyman,hewasthefirstman,ever,to
actuallycauseherbreathingtobecomeunsteady.

Heleanedforwardandglanceddownatherhips,andDannifelthercheeksgrowwarm."If
yousayso,"hereplied."Butthere'ssomethingelse.Hey!"Hepointedwithhisfreehand.
"It'syourhair,isn'tit?Itwasalotlongerbefore,and-"hesquinted"-itwas...different."

"Yeah."Dannireachedupandflippedoneoftheoffendingstrandsback."It'sdifferent,all
right.Thehaircut-of-the-monthfeaturedinBeautyDoo."

Helaughedassheturnedtounwrapthesutureremovaltray."Itakeityoudon'tlikeit,"he
said.

Dannishrugged,slippedonhergloves."ThanktheLordIdon'thavetolookatit."

"Well,it'skindofpretty."

Whenshecastadisbelievinglookoverhershoulder,heprotested,"Really."Thenhegaveher
ateasing,dimpledgrin."Butpersonally,Ilikemywomenmore...natural."

Danniturnedherblushingfacebacktowardthetrayandgathereduptweezers,suture-
removalscissors,gauze."Well,thisisanythingbutnatural.Ittakesagallonofsuperglueand
anActofCongresstomakeitbehave."

"So-"hetriedtoleanaroundtoseeherface"-thisisnottherealyou.That'sgood.Iliked
thetourniquetbetter,"headded,whichmadeDannismirk,rememberingwhatamessher
hairhadbeenwhenthey'dmetintheE.R.

Sheturnedtohimandreacheduptosnipthefirstsuture."Nope.Thisiscertainlynotthe
realme."

"That'sgood,"herepeated-soquietly,sosincerely,thatherhandsstilled.Theireyesmet.

Theyseemedsuddenlytohaverunoutofbanterandfellintoanawkwardsilence.Danni
workedonhisarmand,withamixtureofembarrassment,buildingexcitementandhope,
mulledoverthefactthatheactuallyrememberedhermakeshiftponytailholder.

Hiseyestraveledslowlyfromhisbicepstoherfacewhilesheworked.Andjustasshehad
onthenightwhenthey'dmet,Dannitriedtokeephermindfirmlyonwhatshewasdoing.
But,withhiseyesonlyinchesfromhers,watchingeverymoveshemade,itwasaneffort.
Andthistimeinsteadofsmoke,hesmelledlikeEnglishLeather.Hadheslappedonthe
aftershavebecauseofher?

Whenshe'dfinishedremovingalltwenty-foursutures,sheprobedtheareagentlywithher
fingerstotesttheintegrityofherwork.Hedidn'tevengrimace.

"You'vehealedquitenicely,"shesaid.

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"Areyoumarried?"heasked.

Danni,caughtoffguard,evenalittleshockedbyhisdirectness,managednottoshowher
reaction."Youknow,"shejoked,"mymotherwarnedmeaboutfiremen."Shelookedathim
withwide-eyedmockseriousness.

"Ohyeah?"hechallenged.

"Yeah.Alwaysrushingintohotspots."

"Areyoumarried?"herepeated."Involvedwithsomeone?Yesorno?"
"N-n-no,"shestammered,trappedbythoseeyes.

"ThencouldIcallyousometime?"

"Callme?Well...Idon'tknow...."Dannididn'tknowwhyintheworldshewashesitating.
"You'dprobablyjustenduphavingmepaged.I'm...I'manawfullybusywoman."

Hehoppedoffthegurney."Yeah,Iguessyouare,"hesaidashetuggedanavyblue
fireman'sT-shirtoverhishead,thenstretcheditdownoverhismassivechest."Thanksfor
takingmystitchesout."

Withasenseofdismay,Dannirealizedshe'dsucceededinputtinghimoff.Shewantedto
kickherself."You'rewelcome,"shesaidlamelytohisbackwhilehejammedthetailoftheT-
shirtintothewaistbandofhisjeans.

"Haveagoodday,Doctor."Heturnedtoherandnodded.Hismouthformedatightlineof
disappointmentashepickeduphisballcap.

"You,too."Danniturnedherburningfacetohischart,andbeforeshecouldthinkofsome
waytorecoverthesituation,hepushedthecurtainasideandleftthecubicle.

Shestareddownathisintakeinfo.Whytheheckdidn'tshegivehimherphonenumberlike
anynormalwomanwould?

Shenotedhisphonenumber,debatingtheethicsofcopyingitfromthechart.

"Listen."

Danniwhirledaroundatthesoundofhisvoice.

Hehadcomebackbehindthecurtain,soquietlyshehadn'theardhim.

"Youprobablyarereallybusy.Tellyouwhat,let'sdoitthisway."Heheldabusinesscardout
toher."Whydon'tyoucallmeifyoufeellikegettingtogethersometime?"

Dannilookeddownatthecard.IthadthecitysealofTulsainonecornerandinthecenterit
read:MatthewCreed,Firefighter.Theaddress,fax,andphonenumberofhisstationwerein
theothercorners.Firemencarrybusinesscards?"Oh.I-Icouldn'tbotheryouatwork,"she
stammered.

"No,youcouldn't."Heflippedthecardover."That'swhyIwrotethisstuffontheback."His

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homephonenumberwaswritteninaneat,boldhand.Belowthat,ofallthings,he'dwritten
ane-mailaddress..Firemenhavee-mail?

Hesmiledwhenshelookedupwithatiny,puzzledfrown."Thee-mail'sforthetrulyshy."His
smilesoftened."Isthattheproblem?Areyou'trulyshy'?"

"No!"Danniprotestedandtookthecardfromhim.Shywasdefinitelynotawordshewould
usetodescribeherself,exceptthatrightnowhercheekswereblazingandshecouldn'tcome
upwithasinglewordtosay.

"Well,then,you'renotstuck-up,areyou?"Hegrinned.

"No!"Danniprotestedagainandfoundherselfgrinningbackathim.This
guyreallywascute.

"Okay,then."HetookabigbreaththatstretchedtheT-shirtacrosshischest."Notshy.Not
stuck-up.Socallme."Hewinkedandwalkedaway.

No,Iamnotshy,Dannithought.AndIdon'tthinkI'mstuck-up.WhatIam,sheadmittedas
shewatchedhisbroadbackandlonglegs,isscaredcleanoutofmywits.

MATTFOUNDTHEELEVATORS,punchedtheupbutton,andplantedhisfeetin
awidestanceashewaitedforonetoarrive.Twoyoungfemalephysicaltherapistswere
chattingandwaitingforanelevatorgoingdown.Oneofthem,apretty,athletic-looking
blonde,smiledandsaid,"Hi,"toMatt.

Herespondedwithapolite"Hi,"thentookacoupleoflongstridestothenearbywindowand
pretendedtolookout.

Damn.HeshouldhaveaskedDr.Goodbyeaboutthetwins'conditionwhilehe'dhadthe
chance.Sheprobablythoughthewascompletelycold,nottohaveevenmentionedthem.

Butthewomanwassobeautifulhecouldn'tseemtothinkstraightaroundher.Ithadbeena
longtimesincehe'dbeenthisinterestedinawoman,anditscaredthehelloutofhim.A
doctor.Washecrazy?

Well,atleasthe'dgivenherhiscardandputtheballinhercourt.Thistimehewasgoingto
besure.Nomoremessinguphislife.Hewasgettingtoooldforthat.

Theelevatorbelldingedand,assoonasthedoorsclosedandhewasalone,hurtling
skywardtothepediatricburnunit,histhoughtsfocusedonthetwins.

Overthepasttendays,whilehe'dbeenhomeonmedicalleave,he'dthoughtoflittleelse.
Hadhesavedtheirlives,heworried,onlytoleavethemtoafutureofendlesspain,
surgeries,rehabilitation,scarring,misery?Whenhe'dgoneintoseethebabieslastweek,the
scenehadbeenhaunting.

Afterhe'dchangedintoscrubs,atall,wirynursehadgivenhimabriskrundownonhowtodo
asurgicalscrub.Whenhe'dfinishedthat,she'dhelpedhimdonthesterilegarb-gown,mask,
hat,gloves,papershoes-andhe'dfollowedherintothepediatricintensivecareunit.Allthis

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trouble,Mattthoughtashehurriedtokeepupwiththenursewhosepapergownbillowed
outathersideslikewings,becausethemotherhadgivenherpermissionforhimtobeinthe
room.Andwhatwouldhesaytoher?Whatgoodcouldhedo?

Theroomseemedbathedinbrightlightandatorrentofperpetualwhisperingwhitenoise-
monitorsandpumpsbeepingandclicking,therhythmicwhooshoftworespirators.Anurse
wasthere-busy,busy.Hefocusedonthemotherfirst;hecouldn'tlookdirectlyattheloosely
gauzedlittlemummiesinthetwocrib-sizebeds.Themother'sburnslookedbetterthanthe
lasttimehe'dseenher-theyhadbeenmostlyseconddegree-butotherwiseshelooked
considerablyworse.Exhausted.
Shegotoutofherrockingchairandhuggedhim,theirsterilegownsrustlingbetweenthem.
Whowastakingcareofherotherbabynow,Mattwondered,theonebornafewdaysago?

Mattreleasedherand,silently,shetookhishandandledhimtothebeds.Itseemed
importanttoherthathelook.He'dseenburnvictimsbefore-otherfirefighters,mostly.
Victimswhohadhealedeventually.Nothinglikethis.

Thetwinswereswaddledfromheadtotoeinthegauze-eventheireyeswerecovered-and
underthat,Mattknew,werethepigskingrafts.Theywereflatontheirbackswiththeirsmall
feetsupportedonfootrestsandtheirtinyarmsstrappedouttotheirsides,theposeofthe
crucified.Thekneecapofonebabywasexposed.Perfectskinwithnodamage.Thatwasall
Mattcouldsee.Mattfocusedonthatlittlekneecap,concentratedonit.

Finallyhewhispered,"Howaretheydoing?"Because,whatelsecouldhesay?

Instantly,onetwin'sheartbeatshotup-theout-of-controlbeepingwasterrifying-andMatt
understoodwhythemotherhadn'tspoken.ThenursebusiedherselfadjustinganIVdrip.

Suddenlythebedsstartedhumming,andMattstartledagain,wonderingifhe'dset
somethingelseoff,untilonesideofeachmattresstiltedup.Thenheremembered-automatic
pressurebeds.

Anothernursecamein.She'dobviouslybeenonacigarettebreak,andinthissterileroom,
toMattthesmellseemedasodiousasaskunk.Hedidn'twantanythingcontaminatingthe
twinsenvironment.Shesignaledforthemtoleave.Reporttime,hesupposed.

Outinthewaitingroom,hehadtoldthemother,beforehe'dleft,totakethingsonedayata
time.Heneededtotakehisownadvice,didn'the?

Theelevatordoorsopened,facingthelargechest-highcounterthatwrappedaroundthe
nurses'station.Amanandwoman,bothwearingbluescrubsandalltheothertelltale
paraphernaliaofbusynurses,stoodbehindit,concentratingonacharttheyhadopenedon
thecounter.

"IthinkweshouldcallDr.Millerandseewhathethinksaboutstaggeringthedose,"theman
wassaying.

ThewomanlookedupatMattandasked,"Maywehelpyou?"

"I'mheretocheckontheTaylortwins,"Mattsaidquietly."IwonderedifIcouldlookinon

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them."

Thetwonursesexchangedasad,secretiveglancethatgaveMattasinkingfeelinginthepit
ofhisstomach.

"Whoareyou?"themalenurseaskedkindly.

"I'mMatthewCreed,thefirefighterwhorescuedthem.I'vebeenupherebefore.Their
mothergaveherpermissionformetoseethem."

ThefemalenursewasflippingthroughsomethingbelowMatt'slineofvision."Yes,Mr.
Creed-"shelookedup"-yournameisontheKardex,butI'mafraid..."Thenursesexchanged
thatlookagainandjustthenanoldercouplewholookedlikegrandparentscameoutofa
nearbyroomandstartedwalkingdownthehalltowardthem.

"Let'sstepinhere,okay?"themalenursesaid,indicatingasmallcubicleoffthenurses'
station.

Mattfollowedthenurseinside.Therewasalargewindowinthewall,apparentlysoundproof,
becausewhenthenurseclosedthedoorMattcouldnolongerhearthephonebeepingor
thevoicesofthegrandparentsastheystoodearnestlytalkingtothefemalenurse.

"Haveaseat,Mr.Creed,thenursesaidasheloweredhimselfintoaninstitutionalplastic
chair.

Matttooktheotherplasticchair,facingthewindow,andawkwardlyarrangedhimself-arms
foldedacrosshischest,feetplantedwide-forwhatheguessedwasgoingtobeablow.

"Mr.Creed,theTaylortwinsdiedanhourago,withinminutesofeachother."

Mattleanedforward,proppedhiselbowsonhisknees,andhunghishead.Hehonestlydidn't
evenknowwhathefeltmostatthatmoment:reliefforthebabiesorsadnessfortheir
mother.

God,sometimeshehatedhisjob.

"Thehospitalmediacoordinatorhasaskedusnottospeaktoanyoneaboutityet,"the
nursecontinued."Shewantstocontrolmediaaccesstothemotherifshecan.Thiscase
hasgeneratedalotoflocalpublicity,asyouknow.ButIfiguredyou,ofallpeople,deserved
tobetold.I'msorry."

"It'sokay,"Mattsaid,whenitwasanythingbut.

Burn-unitnursesandfirefighters,sharingacommonenemy,knewhowtotalktoeachother.
"Thetwinscouldn'tsustainanykindoffluidorelectrolytelevels,"thenurseexplained.
"They'dbeeninkidneyfailureforaweek."ThenheclampedhisbeefyhandonMatt'sbroad
shoulder."Wealldoourbest,butsometimeswelose."

"Iknow."Matthadstartedtothinkaboutthebabies,howlittlethey'dfeltwhenhe'dlifted
themoutoftheirsmolderingcrib,howlimp,andtearsstunghiseyes.

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"Listen."Heclearedhisthroatandstood."Ireallyappreciateyourtellingme."Heextended
hishandtothenurseandtheyshookhands."Iwon'ttelltheotherfirefightersuntilyour
mediapersonhashadtimetodealwithit."

"Iappreciatethat,"thenursesaid,openingthedoor.

AwardclerkandacoupleofnursesgaveMattsympatheticsmiles.Mattknewhelooked
stricken,knewhisnosewasasredasacherry.Italwaysturnedredlikethatwhenhetriedto
suppresstears.

Ashewalkedtowardtheelevatorsherealizedthat,justlikeafterthebombing,hehadno
placetogoexceptalonelyapartment,andnoonetosharethiswith.Latertherewouldbe
Ty,ofcourse,andtheotherguys.They'dunderstandthehollowsenseofloss,thehorrible
ambivalence.Butnow,therewasno-hismouthtwistedinaderisivesmile-"significantother."

Anirrationalurgegrabbedhimashesteppedontotheelevator.Hewanted,verybadly,to
pushthebuttonforthefourthfloor-theOBward-andfindDanniGoodbyeandtellher.She'd
listen,hefeltsure.Therewassomethingabouther-somethingdeep.She'dunderstand.But
hecouldbewrong-hadn'thebeenwaywrongbefore?Theyhardlykneweachother,andshe
hadn'tseemedtookeenwhenhe'dmentionedgettingtogetherforadate.Ifheshowedup
now,onlyminutesafterhe'dleftthenextsteptoher,withhisrednoseandtheseunshed
tearsthreatening,wanting...what?Well,sympathy,obviously.

Hepushedtheground-floorbutton.Hehadpromisedhimselfhe'dneverchaseawoman
again,nomatterhowattractedhewastoher,andhewasstickingtothat.

Astheelevatorwentdown,hedughiskeysoutofhisjeanspocket.Onthewayhomehe'd
stopandgetMrs.Taylorasympathycard.


CHAPTERSIX

CAROLSTOPPEDTHEtreadmillandleanedonthehandlebars."Excuseme,butisn'tthat
thewholeideabehindsufferingthetorturesofthedamned,here?Toattractsomebonafide
maleattention?"

"Ithoughtyousaidallthisdietandexercisestuffwastoboostmyself-esteem,notsoI
couldattractaman,"Dannicountered.

"Don'tbecute.YouknowwhatImean."

Dannistoppedherstationarybikelongenoughtothink.Allright.Sheknewherresponseto
MatthewCreed'sinterestwas...weird.HowtoexplainthistoCarol?Howawomancould
wantsomethingsobadly,yetbescaredtodeathofitatthesametime.

Fromthecornerwhereshewasliftingweights,Jackieinsertedhertwocents'worth."Ifa
mangivesyouhisnumber,honey,hewantsyoutouseit."

"Idon'tknow."Danni'sshouldersslumpedandshewipedatrickleofsweatfromhertemple
withhertowel."Ijustfeelso...uncomfortablearoundhim.LikeIcan'tfinishmysentences.

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Maybeit'sjustthatwe'resodifferent.Maybehe'sjustnotmytype."Dannisighedand
pressedthetowelagainstherface,thenmumbled,"NotthatIknowwhatmytypeis."

CarolandJackieexchangedknowingglances.

"Listen,honey-"Carolstartedthetreadmillagain"-MatthewCreedisanywoman'stype.
Maybeyou'renotusedtothemalespeciescomingontoyoulikethat.Butkeepthisup-"
shegesturedforDannitoresumeherpedaling"-andyou'llgetusedtoit.You'llhavemore
maleattentionthan-"

"Aheiferinabullpen!"Jackiecackled.

Danniloweredthetowelandscowledather."Aheifer?"

"Well,okay,areallyslim,reallyhealthyheifer,"Jackieamendedwithagrin.Dannihadto
laugh.

ButwhatCarolhadpredictedturnedouttobetrue.Anothertwoweeksonherdiet,and
evenDr.BryantnoticedDanni'snewlook-andcommentedonit.

Shewasleaningoverthedeskinthedoctor'sdictationareaonemorning,reachingfora
chart,whenhecameupbehindher,madeaframewithhispalmsandsaid,"Thatisone
stunningpicture."

Dannistraightenedandskeweredhimwithafrostystare,butfeltherselfblushinganyway.
Nomanhadevertalkedtoherlikethat,andwhilepartofherwasirked,shewasshockedto
discoverthatatinypartofherwasflattered,too.

"Justacompliment."Bryantraisedhishandsinself-defense."Toobad-"hebackedup"-it's
wastedontheIceQueen."

Danninarrowedhereyes.Theirequalpositions,andtheresultingcompetition-sometimes
friendly,sometimesnot-hadbredacertainfamiliarity,butthiswastoomuch.

Hereachedaroundherandpickedupachart,thenshookhishead."Nothingtogetyour
undiesinawadabout,Doctor."

"Theconditionofmyundergarmentsisnoneofyourbusiness,Doctor,"sheansweredcalmly.
"Andkeepyouropinionsaboutmyanatomytoyourself."Sheproceededtojerkchartsoutof
thecubicles.

"Well,pardonmefornoticing,"Bryantsaidinalow,confidentialtone."Butwhat'sallthis
exerciseanddietabout,ifit'snottoattractaman'sattention?"Hetookasteptowardher.

Danniswiveledachairbetweenthem,thensatdown,snatchedupthehandset,flippedopen
thechart,andstartedtodictate.

Bryant'sattitudesuddenlyseemedgenuinelyconciliatory."Imeantnooffense.Honest.You
reallydolookterrific."

Dannididn'tglanceupfromherchart.OutofthecornerofhereyeshesawBryantgivean

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exaggeratedshrug.Thenhewalkedaroundtothenurses'stationandstartedkiddingwith
thestaffinatoo-loudvoice.

TheincidentniggledatDanniasshereadtheroutineadmissionnotes.Carolmayhave
predictedthatthenewDanniwouldattractmaleattention,butsomehow,theattention
Bryanthadgivenherwasn'texactlywhatDannihadhadinmind.Wasbeingogledtheprice
ofbeinganattractivewoman?ThemoreshethoughtaboutBryant'sbehavior,themadder
shegot.But,shehadtoadmit,shelikedherselfslimmer;shecertainlyfeltbetter.Andshe
wasgoingtostayonherprogramandnotletunwantedattentionfrommenlikeBryant
changehermind.

Afterthatencounter,Danniaddednewfueltoherfitnesscampaign.Shesteppedupthe
exerciseroutinetowildermusic.SheandCarolstartedjoggingafterworkthreedaysaweek,
andDanniinsistedongoingouttothestablesherselftogroomherchocolate-brownsorrel,
Quick,justtoburnthecalories.

Inonlysixweeks,Danni'sbodyhadbecomeamazinglyfit.Shewouldneverbetiny-shehad
inheritedherfather'srawbonedframe-butherfigurewasashapelysizetenandshehada
new,attractivedatewardrobehanginginhercloset.

Butstillnodates.

OnerareFridaynightwhenDr.Stonehadactuallyagreedtotakecallsfortheentire
weekend,JackiecamebouncingdownthestairsdressedIaleopard-printjumpsuit.Danni
wasslouchingaroundinheroldpinkchenillerobe,sippingasecondginandtonic.

"Goingonsafari?"DannismirkedandswirledtheiceinherglassasshefollowedJackie
downthelongentrywayhall.

"Youcouldsaythat,"Jackiecalledcheerfullyoverhershoulder."Youhavetogooutintothe
jungletohunt."Shestoppedatthefront-hallmirrortopatherelaboratecornrowsandadjust
herhugecopper-and-ivoryearrings,andwhenshecaughtsightofDanni'scynicalexpression
reflectedoverhershoulder,sheturnedonher."Listen.Igowherethemenare.Isthatso
wrong?"

Dannisippedherdrink."Carolclaimsawomanhastoletthemencometoher."

"Well,Carol'snotdatinginthenineties,isshe?Let'sbehonest.Therealtroubleis,you
thinkyou'retoomuchofaladytogoaftermen."

Dannisteppedbackandknockedherpeskybangsoutofhereyes."Idonot!Imean,you're
wrong."

Jackiegaveheraskepticalonce-over,thenpointedatthehighballglass."Whatisthat?Gin?
Thatstuff'sfattening,youknow."Shesnatchedthetumblerandsniffed.

"Iputalotoftonicinit-alot,"DannisaidasJackiewhirledawayandmarchedbacktothe
kitchen.

DanniroundedthecornerjustasJackiewasrinsingtheglassandplunkingitinthe

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dishwasher."Lookstomelikeyou'vehadenough'tonic,'"shesaidassheclosedthedoor.

"Iwon'targuewiththat."Danniwenttothefridgeandpulledoutabottleofspringwater.

Jackielookedchagrined."Sorry,Doc.IguessIstillhaveatendencytofreakoutabout
drinking,afterWillieandall."

Danniwavedapalmather."Forgetit."Shetookalongdrawonthewaterbottle."Thatstuff
isfattening.I'mjustwallowing."

"WantmetofixyousomethingtoeatbeforeIgo?"Jackieofferedkindly."Or...ormaybe
you'dliketocomewithmeandmyfriends?It'sjustusgirls."

Dannicockedaneyebrow.Hadshesunktothis?Beinginvitedtotagalongwithabunchof
girlsbarelyoutoftheirteensbecauseherhousekeeperfeltsorryforher?

"Thanks,Jackie."Shesmiledandtookanotherswigofwater."It'ssweetofyoutoask.ButI
haveatonofreadingtocatchuponinthere."Shejerkedherheadtowardheroffice."In
fact,youcantakesomeextratimeoffthisweekendifyoulike.Stone'soncalluntilSunday,
andIcanheatupmyowndietdinners."Sheturnedtowardherbrand-newuprightfreezer.

"Okay,"Jackiesaidquietlyfrombehindher.

Amomentlaterthefrontdoorclosedwithasoftclick,asifnottodisturbasickperson.

MaybeshethinksIamsick,Dannithoughtasshepulledoutafrozendietentrée.Afterall,I
can'tevengetasimpledateonaFridaynight.Shetossedthedinnerinthemicrowave.

"Lord.What'sthematterwithme?"shesaidaloudasshestaredatthedigitalnumbers
tickingdown,thinkingthattheyearsofherlifeseemedtobeslippingawayjustasfast."Get
agrip,"shemumbled."Findingamateisjustanothergoal."

Shethoughtofhowshe'dmadeherwaythroughmedicalschoolandatough
residencyonsheerwillpower.Whenhadshebecomethekindofwomantosithunchedover
aTVdinner,feelingsorryforherself?

Timetotakeaction,shetoldherself,pullingouthertelephonedirectory.Shecalledevery
contactshethoughtmightbeabletohelpandtoldtheminnouncertaintermsthatDanni
Goodbyewasinthemarketforadate-andnotanotherperfect,boring,safe"Wesley
Fuerborne"ofhermother'schoosing,either.Danniwasreadyforsomeexcitement.

BYTHEFOLLOWINGafternoon,anoldfriendhadcomethrough-withanaccountantwho
had"greatpotential."Danni'sfirsteverblinddate.

Andtheworstever,shehoped.

Withinfiveminutessherealizedthat"greatpotential"meantskinnyasastickandhopelessly
compulsive.Histaperedfingersperpetuallysmoothedbackhishair,pickedlintand
straightenedsilverware-notjusthisown,butDanni's,too-untilshewantedtosnapthose
fingersinhalf.

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Theconversationoverdinnerremindedherofthetimesshe'dattemptedtostartafireinher
father'senormousstonefireplace:Danniwouldkeepstuffinginpaperandstrikingmore
matches,butintheendshealwaysproducedonlysmoke.Noheat.

Theworstpartwasthewaythisguybehaved.Hesniffedher.Hepawedher.Oncetoo
often,helaughednervouslywhilehisglitteringgazefixeddirectlyonherbosom.

Dannifeltasifshewerethemaincourse,andlongbeforedessertarrived,shewasreadyto
boltforhome.

Shecounterattackedsubtlyatfirst-leavinghersilverwarehelter-skelteraroundherplate,
droppinghernapkinonthefloor-butfinally,onthewayhome,shemessilyunloadedthe
contentsofherpursealloverthefrontseatofhiscar,pretendingthatshecouldn'tfindher
housekey."Mypurseisalwayssuchamess."

Thatshoulddothetrick,shethought,butjusttobeonthesafeside,sheleftacrumpled
tissueonthefloorboard.

"Goodnight,"shetoldhimsuccinctlyatherfrontdoor,andafteranexcruciatingmomentof
avertingherlipsfromhisandfumblingtogetherkeyinthelock,sheslippedintothe
sanctuaryofherhome,wishingnevertoleaveagain.

Sheretreatedtotheenormousmastersuite,ranabubblebathanddecidedtosoakaway
hermisery.Aftersheloweredherselfintothesteamywater,shethoughtagainofthat
firemanintheemergencyroom,MatthewCreed.

Shecouldn'tgethimoutofhermind.Why?

Shesmiledatherreflectioninthemirrorsthatsurroundedthetub.Gee.Coulditbethose
yard-wideshoulders,thosepowerfullegs,thatmovie-starface?Butahunklikethatwould
nevergiveawomanlikeherthetimeofday.Orwouldhe?Hadn'thealready?

Dannislowlyrose,stoodshin-deepinthewaterandsurveyedhertrimnewform,covered
withstreamsofbubbles.Sheranahandslowlyoveronehip,anddownthesideofonelong,
slickthigh.Oh,no,shethought.There'snotathingwrongwithme.True,she'dsuccessfully
sublimatedhernormalurgesforsomanyyearsthatshehardlyknewwhattodowiththem.

Intellectually,asaphysician,sheknewherrepressedlovelifewasadirectresultofLisa's
death.Andsurelyitwasnoaccidentthatshe'dchosentobecomeanobstetrician.

Butemotionally,itwasallmuchhardertoface.Shecouldseehersisternow,asclearlyasif
shewerelookinginthemirrorandbrushingherglorioushair,yammeringtoDanniinthat
engagingwayshehad.EverythingwasajoketoLisa,andserious,studiousDannihadloved
herboisterousbigsisterforthat.Lisaalwaysgottheboys-anyboyshewanted,anytime
shewanted.

Tokeepfromcrying,Dannipressedherlipsintoahardline.Whatdifferencedidallofthat
makenow?Lisahaddiedsolongago-twentyyearsagothisDecember.

ButDanniknewhersister'suntimelypregnancyanddeathstillhauntedherandprevented

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herfromallowingherselftobecomeemotionallyinvolved.Howmanytimeshadshehadthis
argumentwithherself?Reasoneditallout?Andhowmanytimeshadherpainandhergrief
herfearwonout?Shelookeddirectlyintoherowneyes,whichreflectedthatoldpainback
atherfromthemirror.

Butlovewaswhatshereallywanted,wasn'tit?Amanwaswhatshewanted.Arealman.

Shewrappedherselfinathickwhitetowel,brushedherhairforthreeviciousstrokes,then
slammedthebrushdownonthemarblecountertopandmarchedintothebedroom.She
openedherbedsidedrawerwherethepalegraybusinesscardwascarefullytuckedaway,but
shedidn'treallyneedit.

She'dmemorizedhishomephonenumbertheminutehe'dhandedittoher.

Shesnatchedupthephoneandbeforetheclawingmonsteroffearcouldwinyetanother
battle,shecalledMatthewCreed.


CHAPTERSEVEN

"HELLO?"

Awoman'svoice!Soundinghusky.Tipsy,maybe.Or...

ForasplitsecondDanniwonderedif-hopedshe'dpunchedinthenumberwrong.

"Uh,isMatthewCreedthere,please?"sheasked.Thenshebitherlip,heldherbreath,and
prayedshehadgottenthewrongnumber.

Therewasnoanswer,merelyarustlingsoundlike...sheets!Andbeforeshecouldhangup,
hisdeepvoicespoke:"Hello?"

Oh,goodheavens!Whathadshedone?Shepunchedthedisconnectbuttonlikesome
adolescentmakingaprankcall.Shetossedthephoneonthebedandstaredatitasifit
werealivegrenade.

Thenitrang.

Shejumpedbackandclutchedthetowelaroundherbreasts.

Itrangagain.

Shefeltduty-bound,asadoctor,toanswer.EventhoughStonewasoncall,hemighthave
aquestionaboutoneofherprivatepatients,andshe'dturnedherpageroff.Bythetimethe
phonerangthethirdtime,she'dmusteredthecouragetopickitupandanswerevenly,
"ThisisDr.Goodlove."

"Oh..."Itwashisvoice,soundingsleepy,too,andthick,liquoredup,or-Shedidn'twantto
thinkaboutit."Soitwasyou."

Dannifeltherpulseskyrocketandherthroatconstrict.

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"CallerID,"heansweredhersilence.

"Yes,uh...Wegotdisconnected."

"Oh.Well,whatcanIdoforyou,Dr.Good-love?"

Danniwantedverymuchtoask,Isthereawomaninbedwithyou?Butinsteadshecroaked
out,"I'msorrytodisturbyouathome."

"That'sokay,"hesaidandsheheardtherustleofsheetsagain."I'mnotdoinganything
important.''

Surelyawomancouldn'tbeanywhereinthevicinityifhewastalkinglikethat.

"So.WhatcanIdoforyou?"herepeated.

Inthesecondthatshehesitated,Danni'soveractivemindcameupwithallmanneroflies:
Yourwoundculturecamebackpositive.Youneedmoreantibiotics.Ileftastitchin.Wehad
anoutbreakofEbolathenightyouwereintheE.R.Sheoptedforthetruth."Iwas
wonderingifwemightgettogetherforadrinksometime."

"I'dlikethat,"hesaidinalow,seductivevoice."I'dlikethatalot."

Oh,goodheavens!Whatwasshedoing?Sheclutchedthetowelandthephonetighterand
said,"Tomorrownight?"

"Sure.Where?"

Danniwasn'tsurewhere.Shedidn'texactlyaskmenoutfordrinkseverynight.Butshe
wantedtobeincontrol,here."Uh,let'ssee.DoyouknowwhereTheWildForkis?"Shebit
herlipassoonasshe'dsaidit.Hewasafireman,forcryingoutloud.Probablyhungoutat
HootersafterOilersgames.TheWildFork-he'dlovethat.TrendyartandTyNantspring
water.Butitwasclosetoherhouse;onherturf.

"'TheWildFork'?"Thesheetsrustledagain."InUticaSquare?Yeah.Youwannameet
there?""Aroundseven?"

"Sure.WhatkindofhairdoshouldIlookforthistime?"

Dannismiled.Hereallywascute.

"Spiked.Brightgreen,"shesaid.Shewasn'texactlyadullard,either,shethought,
congratulatingherselfforendingthisordealwithatleastasmidgenofstyle.

DANNIHADALWAYSTHOUGHTofTheWildForkasacozyplacewithgreatambience
andgreatfoodwhereawomanalonecouldeatanicemealwithoutfeelingconspicuous.But
tonight,asshesatwaitingforMatt,seeingitashemightseeit,theatmospherestruckher
assnootyandtryingalittletoohard.

AseriesofmoldedPlexiglasfemalebustsinneoncolorsgracedthewallsoftheroomwhere
Dannihadrequestedatablebythewindow.Hadthosehideousthingsalwaysbeenthere?

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Shegotupandmovedtothechairthatfacedthem,sothatwhenhejoinedherhe'dbe
lookingtheotherway,towardthefoyer,whichshenownoticedhadwoodworkpaintedina
mostunnaturalshadeofmagenta.Thecolorhadalwayslookedfestive,classy-evendaring-
toherbefore.Nowitlookedgoofy.andaffected.

Sheglanceddownintoherlapandhopedthelittleblackvelvetdresswastherightchoice.
Whatifheshowedupinjeans?Thenshecheckedoutherreflectioninthewindow,which
wasfoggyandwaterstreaked.Theweathercertainlywasn'tcooperating.Rainandmorerain.
Cold,uninvitingforaneveningout.Maybehewouldn'tevenshowup.

Sometimeshernewimagewasstillashocktoher,evenreflectedinawaterywindowasit
wasnow.Withoutherthickglassesshethoughtshelookedwide-eyed;vulnerable,even.She
tuckedstrandsofthehatedhairdobehindherears.Jackiehadfiddledwithitatthelast
minute,theninsistedsheweartheseoversizeearrings.Thehammeredsilverglitteredinthe
reflectedlightfromthecandleonthetable."Ilikemywomennatural''hiswordscameback
toher.Well,tonightshelikedherselfdoneup.Sheturnedawayfromherreflection,tooka
quicksip
ofwineandtriedtorelax.

Beforelongthearomaofgourmetfoodmadehermouthwater.Butwhenshe
glancedatanartfullyarrangedplateoflambribchopsbeingservedatanearbytableshe
worriedthatthefancyfoodmightmerelyannoyhim.

Theonlymenintheplacelookedeffeminate,exceptthattwoorthreeofthemhadgiven
her-awomaninasexyblackdress,sittingaloneoveraglassofMerlot-inquisitivelooks.

Dannihadeatenaloneplentyoftimes-noproblemthere.Butshehadneverwaitedalonefor
adate.Itwasnerve-racking.Shebegantoregretherdecisiontoarriveearly.Thathad
seemedlikethepolitethingtodo-afterall,shehadaskedhim--butnow,asshewaited,all
mannerofdoubtsassailedher.Ameretwenty-fourhoursago,askingthefiremanonadate
hadseemedfreeandbold.Now,shecouldn'timaginewhathadpossessedher.Sheasked
herselfforthehundredthtime,whyhadshedoneit?

Butsheonlyhadtimetoworryforanothersecondbeforeshespottedhim,stridingacross
puddlesasheroundedthecornertothetreedcourtyardoutsidetherestaurantwindow.He
waswearingaloosebarnjacketandcrispchinos,andwascarryinganumbrella.Helooked
magnificent.

Thatwaswhyshehaddoneit.Hewaswhy.

Heslowedhisgaitlongenoughtoadmirealargebrasssculptureofayounggirlholdinga
bird-amovethatsurprisedandpleasedDanni.Thenhenoticedher,smilingathimthrough
thewindow,andhisfacelitupinanansweringsmilethatmeltedherheart.Maybethiswasn't
goingtobesobadafterall.

Itwasn't.ExceptthatMattmadefiendishfunofthedaintyfoodandatonepointsaid"artsy-
fartsy"loudenoughtocausesomenearbydinerstoturntheirheads.

Andlater,heactuallywhistledwhenhesteppedintoherfoyerandlookedaroundather

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luxurioushome.Dannicouldn'thelpbutadmirehisopenness.Anditwasthatcandor-andhis
abilitytomakeherlaugh-thathadkeptherintriguedallthroughdrinks,dinner,andtheirstroll
underhisumbrellaaroundUticaSquare.Afteronlyacoupleofhoursofgettingacquainted,
Dannihadfeltcomfortableenoughtoinvitehimtoherhomeforalate-nightcoffee.

PearlandSmokypaddedinfromtheutilityroomandimmediatelyallowedMatthewtopet
them,whichcountedasanotherplus.Theyweavedaroundmoststrangemenina
suspiciousfigure-eightpatternandhadactuallysnarledattheaccountant.

"That'sPearl,andthat'sSmoky,"Dannisaidasshemovedaroundtheroom,turningon
lamps.

Hebentdownononekneeandgavebothanimalsagoodrub."You'regoodolddoggies,I
bet.

"Okay,goliedown!"Dannicommandedthedogs,buttheystuckbyMatt,nuzzlinghim.

Disgusted,Dannimarchedoverandcollaredthem."You'dthink,forwhatIpaytheirtrainer,"
shesaidasshestruggledwiththesleekcanines,"thatthesedogswouldlearntoobey."

"TheyprobablysmellMissVerbena."

"MissVerbena?"Danniaskedoverhershoulderasshetrottedthedogsofftowardtheutility
room.

"She'smydog,"hesaid,followingher."Hey,guesswhat?"Hestoodinthecenterofher
unusual,multi-angledhallwayandspreadhisarmswideasacandidsmilespreadacrosshis
handsomefeatures."Iknowthisplace!"

"Ibegyourpardon?"Danniwantedtopinchherself.She'dbeentalkinglikethatallnight,like
somestarchyold-maidlibrarian.EventhetwoglassesofMerlothadn'trelaxedher.She
imaginedhewasjustaboutboredoutofhismindwithher,butshehadtogivehimcredit,he
hadremainedunrelentinglycheerful.

"I'vebeeninthishousebefore."

"Really?When?I'veonlylivedinitafewmonths."

"Duringtheremodelingwork.Youchangedthelandscapingandtheentrancesomuchthatat
firstIdidn'trecognizethehouse,butIrefinishedthesefloorsmyself."Hesquattedwiththe
graceofajunglecatandstrokedashiningplankofoakathisfeet."Thiscolor...Ilovethis
color.Mediumwalnut,right?"

Dannihadtofindhertonguetoanswer.She'dalmostswallowedit,watchinghismovements-
watchingthewayhisjacketmoldeditselftohisbroadback,thewaythemusclesofhisthighs
stretchedthechinos.
"Yes,uh...Yes.Mediumwalnut.Youworkedonthesefloors?"

"Yeah.Mybestfriend,Ty-he'safireman,too-heandIrunafloor-finishingbusinessonthe
side."Hestoodandbrushedhispalmstogether,thoughJackiekepttheplaceascleanasa

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surgicalsuite.
"Actually,we'vebranchedoutintoallkindsofrenovationworkonourdaysoff.Firemenhave
funnyschedules,youknow-bigchunksoftimeoffbetweenshifts."

"Yes,Iknow.So,youfinishedthefloorsinmyhouse?"

"Yeah.Theysaidsomerichdoctorwasremodelingtheplace.Itneverdawnedonmetherich
doctorwouldbeabeautifulwoman."

Danniblushed,thenstammered:"Well...Imustsay..."Herecomesthatuptightlibrarian
again."I...Youguysdidagreatjob.Nearlyperfect."

"Nearly?"

"Well,thereisaspotwithafewtinyripplesinthepolyurethane,butIcovereditwithanarea
rug."

"Really?Tywouldn'tlikethat.He'saperfectionist.SoamI."Hesplayedhislargehandover
hischestinsincerity."CouldIlookatthatbadspot?"

Danniblushed."Well,it's...it'sinthemasterbedroom."

"Oh."Hepinkennedalittlehimself."Idon'thavetolookatittonight.Butwhydon'tyougive
usacallsometimeandletuscomeoverandfixit?"

FeelinguptightandprudishwasnotthewayDanniwantedtofeelwithhim."Wecangoand
lookatitnow,"shesaid,smiling.

HewhistledagainwhentheyenteredDanni'stwenty-five-by-eighteen-footmastersuitewith
doubledoorsatoneendthatopenedintothehuge,airy,masterbath.

"Wow!Youhavecertainlybroughtoutthefullpotentialofthisspace."
Dannilaughedwithpleasure.He'dbeensurprisingherwithcommentslikethatallevening.

"Lookatthis!"heexclaimed,andwentstraighttothegiant-pillowedwindowseatthatwas
hungwithmutedpasteltapestriesheldbackbyenormousgoldtassels."Canyouactually
closeitoff?"

Dannismiledandnodded.He'dhomedinonherfavoritespot."Sometimes,onrainy
weekends,Icrawlintherewithacupofherbaltea,closethedrapes,andwatchtherain."

"Wow.Icanimagine."Hiseyestraveleduptheceiling-highPalladianwindowsthatbowedout
aroundtheseat.Rowsandrowsofsmallsquarepanesrosetotheceiling."Whogetsto
washallthese?"

"Why,mymaid,ofcourse."Danniimmediatelywishedshehadn'tsaiditexactlythatway.
Afterall,Jackiewasmorethanahousekeeper,shewasafriend."Hername'sJackie,"Danni
addedinaquieter,almost-apologetic,tone.

Mattturnedfromthewindow,frowningather.Hewasincrediblygood-looking,evenwhenhe
frowned.Dannihadneverseensuchahandsomeman,andshewonderedagain:Whatwas

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shedoingwithhim?Moretothepoint,whatwasshegoingtodowithhim?

"Ofcourse.Yourmaid,"hesaid,withwhatDannithoughtwasanoteofsarcasm.Hisgaze
sweptthewindowsagain."Thesearethermalpanes?"

"Yes.Doubleglazed."

"Howdoyouopenthem?"

"Wayupatthetop."Dannipointedtothelongleversthatoperatedtransomseightfeetup
onthewallofglass."It'sasecuritymeasure.Makesittoughtobreakin."

"Orgetout,"hemumbledashecrossedtheroomandleanedintoherenormousbathroom.
"Idon'tsupposethere'sabackdoor,either?"HisvoiceechoedofftheItalian-tilefloorand
enormousglass-blockwindowabovethetub.

"Frommybathroom?"

Heturnedandhisfrownrelaxedintoasmile."Justthinkinglikeafirefighter,ma'am.Let'ssee
thebubbles,shallwe?"

"Bubbles?"Dannisaidstupidly,thinkingthathewastalkingaboutabathorsomething.

"Inthefloor."HetooktwohugestridesfromthebathroomdoortowardthePersianrug.
"Didn'tyousaytheflawedarea'sunderthisrug?"

Together,theyrolledtherugupenoughforDannitoshowhimtherougharea.Mattdropped
tooneknee,ranhishandoverthesurface,andsaid,"Thiswouldbenoproblemtofix.Just
letusknowwhenitwouldbeconvenientforyouandsomeone'llgetrightoverhereand
makethisright."

"Willyoupersonallycomeanddoit?"Dannispokealmostbreathlessly,becauseherheart
waspounding.Whenhelookedup,sheadded,"Youknow-likeyouwantedmetotakeyour
stitchesout."

Hisfingertipsstillrestedontheroughspot,buthiseyes,fullofsomecomprehensionthat
madeDannitremblealittleinside,slowlyassessedher.

Maybesheshouldn'thavesaidthat.Sheknewsolittleaboutmen.

Withouttakinghiseyesoffher,herose,crossedtowhereshestoodwithherarmsfolded
overhermiddle.

"Yeah,mystitches,"hesaidsoftly.Hereacheddownandtookherbythewrists,raisedher
armsawayfromherbody,andopenlylookedherupanddown.Dannifoundhisfrank
assessmentbothexcruciatingandthrilling.
"Icertainlyhadmyreasonsforwantingyoutotakethemout."Heliftedhiseyesuptoher
faceandheldhergaze."Youknow,youareaveryprettylady."

Danniblushedandtriedtowriggleherwristsoutofhisgrasp.Butheheldontothemand
loweredherarms,slidinghishandsdownoverthetopsofhers."I'mgladyoucalledmelast

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night.IwasjustsittingaroundtalkingtoMissVerbena."Hecapturedhergazeagain,this
timewithalookofmischievouschallenge.

"ThatMissVerbenamustbequiteadog."Danniraisedherbrowsinnocently."Shesounded
likeawomanwhensheansweredthephone."

Hethrewhisheadbackandlaughed,thenbroughtherhandstohislipsandkissedher
knucklesenthusiastically.Tohersurprise,Dannifoundshecouldtoleratethissudden
intimacybecausehe'dpreparedhersowellthroughouttheevening:touchingherfingertips
whiletheytalkedoverwine,lightlyholdingherelbowastheylefttherestaurant,pullingher
closeastheystrolledthesidewalksandsharedhisumbrella.Histouchfeltwaydifferentfrom
theaccountant's.Waydifferent.

Hecontinuedtoholdherhandscaptive,gentlyrubbingherknuckles."Tellmesomething,"he
urged."Haveyoueveraskedamanoutbefore?Thatis,ifit'sanyofmybusiness."

Dannishookherhead,lookeddown."No.""I'veneverbeenaskedoutbefore,either.Atleast
notdirectly."

"Iwasn'tsurewhatIwasgoingtosaywhenIcalledyou.I'mstillnotsurewhatI'msupposed
todo."

"Youknowwhat?"Hedrewherhandsaroundtohisbackandplantedthemthere,then
wrappedhismusculararmsaroundher,pullingherclose.Dannifeltsmall-smallerthanshe
everhadinaman'sarms-andmoresexual.Completely,utterlysexual.Forthefirsttimein
herentirelife."Youdon'thavetodoathing-"hisvoiceshiftedtoalowmurmurashe
broughthismouthdownonhers`-notonething."


CHAPTEREIGHT

THATKISS,SOSOFTANDtenderoneinstant,sofirmanddemandingthenext,did
amazingandterriblethingstoDanni.Itfilledherwithacrazywanting...andatthesametime,
anindefinablefear.Shepushedathischest,wrenchedhermouthfree."Wait,"shesaid,and
putherhandoverherbreastbone,strugglingforbreath.

Heimmediatelyreleasedher."Sure."Hetookastepbackandlookedgenuinelypuzzled."I'm
sorry,"headded."IguessImisreadyoursignals."

Danni,stillstrugglingtobreathe,couldonlyutter,"Huh?"ratherstupidly.

Justthen,Jackie'svoiceinterrupted,soundingmellowandotherworldlythroughthe
intercomspeakerabovethelightswitch."Dr.Danni?I'mhome."

Theybothjumped.

"That'smyhousekeeper,"Danniexplained."Wealwayscheckinlikethatwhenwecome
throughthegaragedoor,nomatterwhattimeitis.Asafetyrule."

"Isee,"hesaid.

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"Obstetricianskeepweirdhours,too.""Right,"headded.Heplantedhis
handsonhisbelt,pushinghisjacketback,hisstancewide,likeastallionlooking
forawayoutofthecorral.

Dannicrossedovertotheintercomandpressedthebutton."Jackie?"

"Yes,ma'am?"cametheanswer.

"I'mentertainingaguest.Wouldyoumakeussomeofthatnicevanillahazelnutcoffeeand
serveitinthelivingroom,please?"

Therewasatoo-longpauseandthenJackiesaid,"Yes,ma'am,"quicklyandclickedoff.
Danni'scheeksflamedwhensherealizedthedisplayontheintercomwouldhaveindicated
thatshewasspeakingfromthemasterbedroom;thenshedecidedthingswereatasad
passwhenyouworriedaboutwhataloosey-gooseynineteen-year-oldthoughtofyou.

Mattwascool,Danniwouldgivehimthat.Hebehavedasifherawkwardreactiontothekiss
hadneverhappened.Theyadjournedtothelivingroomandkeptupapoliteconversation
untilJackieentered,bearingalacqueredtrayladenwithcoffeeandgoodies.Dannieyedthe
chocolatepirouettesandsmallwedgesofchesspieandwonderedwhatothercontraband
Jackiehadstashedawayinthekitchen.

JackieeyedMattwhileshetookhertimelayingoutnapkinsandpouringcoffeeintodelicate
chinacups.SheraisedhereyebrowsatDanniasshelefttheroom.

Theysippedthecoffee,andMatthelpedhimselftothepastries,thenlaunchedintoaround
ofamusingstoriesaboutMissVerbena,whichweredesigned,Danniguessed,torelaxher.

"MissVerbenaismydeceasedaunt'sspoiled-rottentoypoodle.Imadethemistakeof
makingadeathbedpromisetoAuntOpal."

"Adeathbedpromise?"Danniwasintrigued."Yeah.IpromisedtotakecareofMissVerbena
fortheremainderofhernaturallife."

Dannigrinnedandsippedhercoffee."AndItakeitMissVerbena'ssomewhatofapain."

"Shewhines,sheshivers,shepukes-sorry."Heswallowedamouthfulofpie.

"Anyway,whenItookheron,Iassumedshewasatdeath'sdoor-AuntOpalhadhadthat
poodleaslongasIcouldremember-andIfigured,whathaveIgottolose?Icanmakeanold
womanhappyandthatobnoxiousdogcan'tlastmorethanayearortwo,tops."

"But..."Danniprompted,sensingthattheendtothisstoryhadtobeascuteastheguy
tellingit.

"ButmyMissVerbenaisactuallythesecondMissVerbena.ItseemsAuntOpal'sfirstpoodle
diedwhileIwasbeingdistractedbyanastydivorce."

Attheword"divorce,"aredflagwentupinDanni'smind.Well,whatdoyouexpect?she
reasoned.Themanwasthirty-sixyearsold.Anddivorcewasn'talwaysabadthing.Buthe'd
said"nasty"hadn'the?

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ThenDanniblushed-wildly,uncontrollably--becauseadivorce,evenanastyone,seemed
preferabletoherownsparsehistory:oneverylukewarmaffairwithWesleyFuerborne.

"DON'T-DONOT-CALLthatmanagain,"CaroladmonishedthenextdaywhenDannirelated
thewholeeveningtoher:howhe'dwrittenhisnextweek'sscheduleonthebackofanother
ofhisbusinesscards,howhe'daccidentallylefthissilverpenonhercoffeetable,howhe'd
askedhertocallhimagainashe'dleft.

Danniwasonherwoodendeck,stretchedoutonachaiselongueundertheshelterofher
two-hundred-year-oldredoak,oneoftheoldestandlargesttreesintheWoodwardPark
area,andherprideandjoy.

Shepressedthephonetoherearandfeltamildannoyancebuilding.
"Oh,forheaven'ssake.It'spracticallythetwenty-firstcentury,"sheprotested."Icancall
anybodyIwant.Iwasthinkingoftakinghispenbacktohim.Youknow,gettingalookathim
inhisterritory."

"You'dgotohishouse?"

"Don'tbedumb.Idon'tevenknowwherehelives.ButIdoknowwherethefirestationis,
andhegavemehisschedule."

"Okay,haveityourway,butdon'texpectchasingamantogettheresultsyouwant,"Carol
countered."Themalemindmaybeenlightened,butthemalebodystillhastoperformthe
huntingritual.Whenyoureversethatorder,yougethisDNAalldiscombobulated.Scientific
fact."

"Isupposeyou'regoingtoreciteThe.Rulesorsomethingtomenow,"Dannisaid
sarcastically.

"Iwouldn'tknowTheRulesfromtheKoran,butyoucouldatleastbesensibleenoughto
realizethatmendoloveachallenge."

"Oh,Lord."Dannirolledhereyesheavenwardandexaminedthepatchworkofleavesand
sunlightaboveher.Thenshethrewherlonglegsoverthesideofthelounge."First,Jackie
tellsmetoactlikeahot-bloodedman-trap,thenyoutellmetoactlikeacold-blooded
manipulator.AllIwantisanicemantosharemylifewith,andmaybeacoupleofnicebabies
fromthatunion.Isthatsodangterrible?"

"No.It'sperfectlynormal.Butyou'vegottoletthemencometoyou.Youshouldn'tgo
aroundcallingmenyouhardlyknow.Evenablinddatewouldbebetterthanthat."

"Wannabet?"Danniretortedmeaningfully.Carolgasped."Youtriedablinddate?""Saturday
night.Personalityofahouseplant.Near-deathbreath."

"Lovely.Betyoudidn'thaveanytroubleresistinghim-Oh!DidImentionthat?Howit'sa
goodideatoalwaysresistthemonthefirstdate?"

"Arrrg!"Dannigroaned.Shedidn'twanttoadmittoCarolthatshehadendedupresisting

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Matt,allright,butnotbecauseofanyplan.Sheknewherreasonshadnothingtodowith
gamesmanship.Thefactthatshe'dpulledbackeventhoughshehadn'treallywantedtowas
scary.ScarierthanJackie'sredteddiesanddanglyearrings,scarierthanCarol'scheesyself-
help-bookstrategizing.Danni'sownsexualresistance-somethingrealthatcamefromdeep
insideherself-wasthe
scariestthingofall.

AndeventhoughDanniwasawarethatMatthewCreed'skissandthefearsithadstirredup
hadsomehowleftherfeelingvulnerableanddefensive,shecouldnomorehavestoppedwhat
happenednextthanshecouldhavehaltedameteor.

SheandDr.Stonehadfinishedatensehourandahalfdeliveringprematuretripletsby
emergencyC-section,whenhecaughtupwithherinthedoctors'lounge.

"Youdomagnificentwork,Doctor,"Stonesaidashegroanedandloweredhisdwarfishframe
intotherecliner.

"Thankyou,"Dannirepliedwithoutturningawayfromherlocker.

Stonereachedforwardtounlacehissurgeryoxfords."No.Thankyou...fornotdisappointing
me.Iwastheonewhoencouragedtheboardtorecruitafemaleobstetrician.Ithoughtit
wasabouttimewecaughtupwiththerestofthecountry."

Dannibristled.Stoneprobablydidn'tevenrealizehowcondescendinghewasbeing,ordid
he?Danni'scredentialswereimpeccableandsheknewtheboardhadbeenimpressedwith
herfromthestart.Stoneknewit,aswell.Sheslammedherlockeralittletooloudlyand
turnedtogotochangeherclothesinthebathroom,whichwasherhabit,whetherthelounge
wasoccupiedbyothersornot.Severaltimesshehadconsideredmovingherlockertothe
nurses'lounge,butinstincthadtoldherthatwiththrowbackslikeStone,thatmovewould
reduceherstatus.Fornow,shehadtotreadafineline,beingtheonlyfemaleobstetricianat
HolyCross.

Ifshecouldholdoutforsixmonthslonger,twoofherclosefriendsfrommedicalschool,Dr.
AliceClemmonsandDr.CynthiaBornaywouldbejoiningherpractice.Thethreeofthem
plannedtoopentheirownbirthingclinic,offeringlow-costobstetricalcare.Andthen-she
smiledassheslippedintotherose-coloredsilkpantsuit-shemightmakelessmoney,but
she'dbefreeofStone'sgoading.

Dannidroppedagoldcaduceusonanextra-longchainaroundherneck.Carolhadordered
theunusualnecklacefromoneofherprofessionalcatalogsandsurprisedDanniwithitfor
herlastbirthday.Itwasflashy,butelegant.Dannismiledandadjustedthemedicalsymbol.If
thisirkedStone,waittillhesawthelittlenaked-babyearringsJackiehadboughtherthe
otherday.

Whenshecameoutofthebathroom,Stonehadchangedfromhisscrubsandwasevidently
waitingforher,sprawledoutinthereclineragainwithhishandsfoldedbehindhishead.

"Iwasthinking,"hesaid,squintingather."WillyoubegoingtotheAmericanCollegeof
ObstetricsandGynecologistsmeetinglaterthismonth?Dr.DonnarfromJohnsHopkinswill

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bepresentinghisseminaronintrauterinefetalassessmenttechniques."

Dannifelttorn.Sheshouldgo.Topassupthechancetolearnthelatestinintrauterine
assessmentwouldbeunprofessional,butherpracticewassohecticrightnow.Shedidn't
havetimeforfivedaysintheCaribbean.

Stoneapparentlymisreadherhesitation."Dr.Goodlove,Ihopeyoudidn'tmisunderstand
whatIsaidamomentago.Imeantitasacompliment."

ButtoDanni,sooftenstungbywhatsheperceivedtobeStone'ssubtlebrandofsexism,
histonehadsoundedmorearrogantthanapologetic.

Sheopenedherlockerwhileshegatheredthecouragetosaywhatshe'dbeenwantingto
sayformonths."Dr.Stone,Iappreciatewhatyousaidearlier,"shestartedcalmly,"butIam
notheretoeitherdisappointorpleaseyou."Shefacedhim,keptherexpressioncomposed.
"Iamheretopracticemedicine.Period."

Stone'sjawdroppedandhungindisbeliefforonesecondbeforehesprangupoutofthe
reclinerlikeabulldogontheattack."Ihavehaditwithyourattitude."Hejabbedafingerat
her."I'mtryingtotellyouwhatafinedoctoryouareandyouactasifI'veinsultedyou!For
yourinformation,everyonehastoprovethemselvesinthefieldofmedicine.Thetroubleis
youwomenareallsodamnedemotional!"Heglaredather,hisbeadygrayeyesradiating
anger.

"AndIsupposethatthisfityou'rehavingrightnowisn'tatallemotional."

Stoneactuallysputteredatthat.Forasecondhelookedasifhewantedtostrangleher.
Thenhesnatchedhislabcoatfromthearmoftherecliner.
StevenBryantbargedintheloungedoorjustasDanniturnedandslammedherlockerfor
thesecondtime.
"IthoughtIheardshouting,"Bryantsaid.HiseyebrowsshotupatthesightofDanniinher
silkpantsuit.

"IwasjusttryingtocomplimentDr.Goodbyeonhersurgicalskills."Stonethrusthisarms
intohislabcoatandjerkedthelapelsintoplace.Thenherakedhishandsthroughhis
sparse,faded-orangehair.

Dannifelthercheeksgrowinghot.Maybeshehadoverreacted.ButStonehadbeengoading
herforalongtime.She'dhavelikedtocleartheairwithhim,buttheopportunitywaslost,
withBryantstandingthere,smilingandseemingsomehowpleasedbythetensionhesensed
betweentheothertwodoctors.

"Sorrytointerrupt,"Bryantsaid.

"Excuseme,"Stonesaid,andmarchedtowardthedoor.Thenhestoppedabruptlyand
turned."Dr.Bryant,areyouattendingtheACOGmeeting?"

"FivedaysontheislandofSt.Martin?Areyoukidding?Justtryandstopme."

"Good."Stonejerkedthedooropen."OneofusneedstorepresentHolyCross."Hestalked

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out.

BryantturnedtoDanni."Areyougoingtothisyear'sconference?"

"Idoubtit."Dannirolledherscrubsintoaballandrammedthemintothehamper.

"Whoa.What'dStonesaytomakeyousomad?"HescannedDanni'sfigure.
"Youknow,youdohavetroubletakingcompliments."

Dannididn'trespond.Sheheadedforthedoor."Let'spractice.Bryantblockedherpathand
persistedinateasingtone,"That'saniceoutfit."Danniwentaroundhim.
"Seriously,now-"hegrabbedherarmasshepassed"-Icanassessawoman'sweightinone
glance.You'velostquiteabit,haven'tyou?"

Dannireachedforthehandle,butBryantflattenedhispalmagainstthedoor.Hesquinted
andlookedherupanddown,asifseeingherforthefirsttime."Youlookgreat."Heglanced
atthecaduceusthatlayagainstherbosom.

Againstherwill,somethinginsideDannistirred.Anger,certainly,butalsosomething...female.
Shehopeditdidn'tshowonherface.Shesmiled,determinednottolosehercoolwith
BryantthewayshehadwithStone."Caroltoldmeyourwifewasaskingaboutourdietthe
lasttimeshedroppedbythenurses'station."

TheallusiontohiswifewasnotlostonBryant,buttruetoform,hewasdisparagingtoward
hisspouse."Lizonadiet?That'llbetheday.Iguessyouheardwe'reseparated."

Dannifrowned."I'msorrytohearit."

"AreyouashungryasIam?"HeleanedtowardherinawaythatmadeDanninervous."Why
don'twerundownandgrababitetoeatbeforeafternoonrounds?Thatis,ifwecanfind
somethingonyourfamousdietinthecafeteria."

Danniwasbaffled.Insteadofsabotagingher,suddenlyhewasaskinghertolunch?That
femalefeeling-aphysicalthingdeepinsideher-stirredagain,respondingtothefrankinterest
inhiseyes.Bryantwashandsome,inaslick,spoiled-rich-boysortofway.

"Jackie,myhousekeeper,bringsinmymeals,"sherepliedasshetriedtogoaroundhim.

"Really?"Heblockedheragainandsmiledapredatorysmile,asifhewascertainshewould
breakdownandeatlunchwithhimanyway."HowdoessheknowwhenanemergencyC-
sectionhasdelayedyourlunchbytwohours?"

"Ipageher."Danniwastellingthetruth.Jackienowcarriedapinkpager,andevenifshewas
outshoppingorwhatever,whenshegotthepageshedroppedeverythingtorunadietmeal
overtoDanniandCarol.They'dagreedtostickwiththedietrigidly.Andthey'dallthreelost
almostfifteenpoundseach.

Bryantfeignedapout,thenbrightened."Hey!Iknow.Haveherbringlunchfortwo."

Themanapparentlyhadnoboundaries.Dannipracticallyknockedhimoutofthewayasshe
tuggedthedooropen.

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"Idon'tthinkso,"sheretortedthroughclenchedteethandleft.

"DR.BRYANTASKEDYOUTOlunch?"CarolwasincredulouswhenDannitoldherabout
theincidentastheywentthroughthewarm-upstretchesfortheireveningjog."Youmeanas
acolleague-typething?"

"Notexactly."Dannielaboratedonthestory."Well,thisjustproveswhatItoldyou.Menlike
tochase.You'realwaysgivinghimthecoldshoulder,andhecan'tstandit,sonowhe's
askingyoutolunch."

"Thetroubleis,Idon'tknowhowtodealwithhim,"Danniadmitted."AslongasIwasfatand
dowdyhelimitedhimselftodeliveringbarbsaboutmyprofessionalism.Icouldcopewhenhe
wasjustajerk,butIdon'tknowhowtohandlehimnow."

"Well,justmakeitabundantlycleartohimthatyourefusetogetinvolvedwithamarried
man."Carol,seemingsatisfiedwithherconclusion,bentforwardintoastretch.

"He'snotexactlymarried.Heandhiswifeareseparated."Dannistood,lookingdownat
Carol'sspringyhair.

SomethinginDanni'stonemadeCarolstraighten.Sheplantedherhandsonherhips,eyed
Dannisuspiciously."Youaren'tinterestedinhim,areyou?"

"Hell,no!He'sasleaze.It'sjustthatwhenhelookedatmeacertainway...Ifeltso..."

"That'sjustchemistry,honey.Don'tgetconfused.There'salotmoretofallinginlovethan
chemistry.Sometimesyoucanhavegreatchemistrywithsomebodywho'sallwrongforyou-
youknow-morally,socially,emotionally,intellectually,etcetera,etcetera."

"Iknowthat."DanniwasthinkingaboutMatt,notBryant."Buthowdoyoureallyknow
whethersomeoneisrightforyouornot?"

"Youdon't-notallatonce.That'swhywehaveacustomcalleddating."

"Dating-"Dannirolledhereyes"-issomuchwork."

"Everythingworthwhileinvolveswork.Nowgetbacktoyourstretches."

Dannistartedherdeepknee-bends,butafteramomentshestraightenedandsaid
thoughtfully,"Youknowwhat'ssick?"

"What'ssick?"

Dannistoodthereforasecondbeforesheanswered,turningalittlepink."Itwasmorethan
chemistrywithBryant.Deepdown,partofmefeltsomekindofsecretvictory.Imean,
Bryant'streatedmelikeacowforsolong,Iactuallygotsomekindofperversesatisfaction
outofhavinghimnoticethatI'mattractive."

"That'snatural.Don'tbetoohardonyourself."Carolsatonthegrassandplantedonefoot
againstherinnerthigh."Allyouneedistofindtherightkindofmantogiveyoutherightkind

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ofattentiononaregularbasis."Sheleanedforwardtostretchherhamstrings.

"ButhowintheheckdoIfindhim?"Danniinterlacedherfingersand,palmsup,pushedher
armsaboveherhead.

"Well,likeItoldyou,Idon'tthinkitdoesmuchgoodtochaseaftermen.Theyhavetocome
toyou."

"Butwhatiftheyneverdo?"

"Theywill.LookhowBryant'ssuddenlyacting.Thinkofitlikesperm."Carolexhaledasshe
changedtoaknee/calfstretch."Youletthemswimtoyou.Thenyoujustrejectthebad
ones.Andalwayskeepinmindthatyouonlyneedone."

"Swimmingtome,huh?Well,pastexperiencehastaughtmethatmenaren'texactlyfighting
thetidetoreachDanniGoodlove."

Carolstood,startedjogginginplace."Thatwasthen,thisisnow,asthesayinggoes.Your
jobnowistomakesureyou'rethebestyoucanbe.Ifyoulikeyourself,youcanbesurethe
rightmanwillcomealongandlikeyoujustasmuch.Nowlet'sgo."Shejoggedoff.

Right,Dannithought,asshetrottedafterCarol.Andthentheprincewillkissmeawake,and
wewilllivehappilyeverafter.


CHAPTERNINE

DESPITECAROL'SADVICE,DannihadmadeuphermindtogotoMatt'sworkplace.She
hadtoseehim.Somehowshefeltthatifshegotanotherlookathim-bytheclearlightof
day,inhisworld-herconfusionwoulddisappear.

Shegotupatdawn,obsessedforthirtyminutesaboutwhattowear,finallysettledonan
elegantcream-coloredturtleneckandglen-plaidslacks,andleftforherofficeearly.Sheknew
he'dbeatthestation.She'dcalculatedexactlyhowmuchtimetogiveherself-enoughtotalk
tohimforalittlewhile,butnottoomuch.Iftheencounterturnedawkward,she'dneedan
excusetomakeaquickexit.

Itwascoolbutsunny.ThegiantoldtreesofWoodwardParkwereturningcrimsonandgold,
andatouchofmistlingeredinthehollowsoftherollinghillsasDannidrovetothefire
stationnearUticaSquare.

Itwasaquaintlimestonetwo-story,builtataboutthesametimeasthesurrounding
neighborhood-inthe1930s,Dannisupposed.

Assheapproachedthebuilding,Dannicouldn'tbelievehereyes.Abigyellowfireenginewas
parkedinfrontandahalf-dozenfiremenintheirnavyblueuniforms
wererunningaroundit,sprayingeachotherwithhoseslikeabunchofteenagersatacar
wash.Whenshepulledup,sheheardtheirexcitedshoutsthroughtheBMW'sclosed
windows.

Sheparkedinthewidedriveway,andthemomentsheopenedhercardoorandgotout,the

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crewfroze.Theystoodlikedrippingstatues,gawkingather.Shecouldhearwatersplashing
andhigh-pitched,fiendishmalelaughtercomingfromtheothersideoftheengine.

"MayIhelpyou?"thenearestmanasked.

Theblackfirefighterfromtheemergencyroomwasamongthem-hewasstaringatherasif
she'djustbeameddownfromouterspace-butshedidn'tseeMattanywhere.

"Yes,"shesaid."IwaslookingforCaptainCreed."

Matt'sheadpoppedaroundtheengine,soakingwet,grinningwidely.
"Danni!"hesaid.Hecamearoundandthrewasidetherunninghosehe'dbeenholding.
"Wha-"

"Hey!You'rethedoctor,"theblackmansaid."AmIinterruptingsomethingimportant?"Danni
askedMatt.

"Yeah!"ayoungermancalledout."Hosetraining!"Theothermenlaughed.

"Okay,guys,finishup.Thelady'sheretoseeme."Mattswepthiswethairbackwithapalm.
"Let'ssitdownoverhere."Hepointedtoacoupleofold-fashionedmetallawnchairspainted
withflames-cute,Dannithought-underthecanopyofahugeoldelmtree.

Shewalkedahead,anxioustoputsomedistancebetweenherselfandthemen,who
resumedwashingdownthefiretruckandjoshingwitheachother.Butnowsomewere
stealingglancesather.

"Thisdoesn'thappenoften."Mattlookedsheepishandranhishandsdownhiswater-
drenchedtrunk.HisnavyT-shirtandgabardinepantswereplasteredtoeverymuscle."We
washthetrucksregularly.Sometimestheguysgetcarriedaway.Horsingaroundrelievesthe
tension,theboredom.Iliketokeepmyteam'smoraleup.Here.Haveaseat."Hetouched
thebackofoneofthechairs.

WhenDannisatdown,thecoldmetalchilledthebacksofherthighsrightthroughherwool
slacks.Sheshivered."Aren'tyoucold?"sheasked.

"Yeah.Butfiremenfightfiresinthecold,andtheygetwetdoingit.Thistoughens'emup."

"Whatifthere'safirerightnow?"

"Wegowet.Justafewpoundsheavier.Nobigdeal.LikeIsaid,yougetwetinafireanyway.
So.I'mgladyoudroppedby,evenifyoudidcatchusactingup."Shenoticedhehadn'tsat
down.Shesuddenlyfeltoutofplace.

Shereachedintoherpurseandwithdrewthepen."Iwantedtoreturnthis.Itlookedkindof
special."Sheheldthepenouttohim."Youleftitonmycoffeetable."

Hetookthepen."Itisspecial.Myten-yearservicepen.IfiguredI'dgetitfromyounext
time...."Heshrugged.
Hermove.

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Dannifeltherpulserace.Whydidthisdatingthinghavetobesohard?"Well,IwasafraidI'd
loseit."Whatadumblie.She'dkeptitrightonherbedsidetablelikeaglowingjewel.
Realizinghermotivesmustbeglaringlytransparent,shestood.Shecouldfeelhercheeks
heatingup,despitethecoolmorningair."IguessI'dbettergettotheoffice."

"IfIwasn'tsoakingwet,I'dgiveyouaquicktourofthestation.It'sinteresting.Wejust
installedawholenewweight-trainingroom."Heturnedhisheadandlookedoverhisshoulder
atthebuilding.Evensoakingwet,hewasincrediblyhandsome."Thefireplaceinsideisbuilt
likeaminiaturecastle.Ithaslittlewindowsthatlightup.Promiseyou'llcomeback?"

Shesmiled.MatthewCreedseemedtomakeeverythingsoeasy.

Thenheadded,"Callme,okay?"andputtheballinhercourtagain,wheresheabsolutelydid
notwantit.

"Well,IguessI'dbettergetbacktotheoffice."Shebitherlip.Yousaidthatalready.

Hewalkedwithhertohercarandopenedthedoorforher,seemingoblivioustothecurious
eyesofhismen.

Dannidroveaway,significantlylesssureofherselfthanshehadbeenbefore.Hadhereally
beengladtoseeherorwashemerelybeingpolite?Hewas,afterall,aniceguy.Tooniceto
letaladydoctorknowshewasoversteppingherbounds.Wastherenohelpforit-this
terribleuncertaintycalled"dating"?

BEFOREDANNIHADEVENDRIVENoutofMatt'slineofvision,thehooting
started,oneoftheyoungerguys,BobCreighton,archinganeyebrowandhollering,
"Doctor?"Whichsetoffachorus.

"Man!Icoulduseacheckup."

"I'dplaydoctorwithheranyday."

"IthinkI'mhavin'apain!"

Mattfelthisfacegoingred.

"MyGod,boys!"Tyhollered,"Lookathisface!Theman'sonfire!"Threeofthemturnedtheir
hosesonMattatonce.

Andlateron,duringtheafternoondoldrums,TyslippedintoMatt'sofficeandsaid,"That's
thefirsttimeIeversawyoublush.Youlookedlikeyouhadasecond-degreeburnoutthere.
Whydidn'tyoutellmeyouandtheladydoctorhadathinggoing?"Hesettledintothevinyl-
coveredchairoppositethemetaldesk.

Withhiselbowsproppedonthedesk,Mattwasrollingthesilverpenbetweenhispalms,
thinkingthoughtsabouttimepassingsofast,aboutthenexttenyears,aboutDanni
Goodlove."TheladydoctorandIdon'thavea'thing'going,"hemumbled.

"Whynot?Thatisonegood-lookin'woman."

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"Wehadonedate.That'swhenIleftthispenatherhouse.Iwonderifshereturnedittome
atwork,youknow,tocutthingsoff,tosortofsay,'Here'syourstuff.Bye.'"

Tywaswolfingdownacandybarandstoppedmid-chew."IsthisoldLove-'em-and-leave-'em
Creedtalking?"Heswallowedandraisedanindexfinger."One.Thechickcameheretosee
you.Andtwo-"heputupasecondfinger"-she'sadoctor-
"That'sthepoint,"Mattinterrupted.

Tylookedperplexed.

"I'vehadalittleexperiencewithwomenlikeher,remember?"

"So?"

"So,they'regameplayers."

"Hey.Allchicksaregameplayers,man."Tystuffedintherestofthecandybar.Hechewed
thoughtfullyforasecond,thenadded,"AndtheirnumberonegameiscalledMatrimony."Ty
emphasizedeverysyllableoftheword.

Matttosseddownthepenandraisedbothpalms."Notforme."

"Right.That'swhyit'sagoodthingshe'sadoctor.Don'tyougetit?Awomanlikethat's
independent,hasherownmoneyandall.Sheeverbeenmarried?"

"Thathasn'tcomeup,butIdon'tthinkso.""Cool."

NowMattlookedperplexed.

"IfshewantedtoplayMatrimony,shewouldhavetiedtheknotbynow,right?"

Mattshrugged.

"Soenjoytheride."

"It'snotthatsimple.Awomanlikethat-RememberhowCarlawasalwaystryingtoimprove
me?"

"So?Youdon'twantarepeatoftheCarlascene.Testthisone.Takeheronsomebad
dates.Showherwhatabeastyoureallyare.Andifshe'sstillhangin'around,messin'with
yourpen,then-hey,man-youhavegotitmade."

ButMatthadhisdoubtsabout"havingitmade"withawomanlikeDanniGoodlove.Hehad
sworntosticktohisownkindafterCarla.Fromdayone,Carlahadlaunchedanot-so-subtle
campaigntoreformandremakehim.She'devencalledhima"diamondintherough"afew
times.

Well,then,maybeoldTyhadapoint.MaybeitwouldbeagoodideatocallDr.Goodloveup
foracoupleofspecial"dates,"andtesthermettle.Naw.He'daskedhertocallhim,and
whathadshesaid?"I'dbettergettotheoffice."

THEFOLLOWINGSATURDAY,Mattunwrappedagiantsubmarinesandwichashe

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slumpedinhisBarc-a-Lounger,watchingKansasStatesmokeColorado.Buthismindwasn't
reallyonthegame,orthesandwich.Hismindwasonher.Whereithadbeenformostofthe
week.

Theentireweekhadgonebyandhehadn'theardanythingfromher.So,he'dbeenright.
He'ddoubtedhe'deverhearfromtheladydoctoragain.Andhe'dbedamnedifhe'dcallher
afterthewayshe'dacted-asifhe'dchokedherinsteadofkissedher,andthenrushinghis
penbacktohim,asifshecouldn'twaittogetitoffherhands.

Ifshehadn'twantedtobekissed,whatthehellhadshecalledhimfor?Andwhatthehellhad
heapologizedfor?Womenweresuchgameplayers-especiallyclassywomen.Womenlike
Carla,whospokeacertainway,movedacertainway,thoughtacertainway.

Womenlikehismom,theTulsasocietygirl,marriedtotherenegadeChoctawIndian.The
factthattheywerebothhigh-schoolteachershadneverquiteclosedtheculturalgap
betweenthem.

Butthey'dalwaysseemedhappyenough,and,Mattthought,thebestparentsaguycould
askfor.Still,beingraisedbyarefinedEnglishteacherandatoughfootballcoachsometimes
madeMattfeellikesomesortofsocialhalf-breed.Especiallywhenitcametowomen.

"MissVerbena-"hequizzedthelittledogasheslippedherapotatochip"-whycan'tIfinda
goodwomanlikeyou?Somebodyhighmaintenancewhomakesconstantdemandsonme
andwhinesandcomplainsallthetime.Oh,yeah,Iforgot.Beenthere.Donethat."

Hescratchedthelittledog'searsashisthoughtswentbacktoCarla.Whathadgonewrong?
Sometimeshecoulddredgeupalistamilelong,andsometimeshestillwonderedwhythey
hadn'tbeenabletomakethemarriagework.Thepartthatreallybotheredhimwas
wonderingifthedivorcewashisfault.

Herememberedherstandinginthedoorwayasshewasleavinghim,runningbacktoherrich
daddy,tellinghimhowthebombingwasawholeagoandto"justgetoverit."Asifhecould
dothatbyasimpleactofwill.

Ifthey'dhadchildren,wouldthingshavebeenanydifferent?Achildofhisowntostophim
fromobsessingaboutallthepreciouslittleonesthathadbeenlost?Whathadthat
counselorcalledtherescuers?"Theforgottenvictims"?

Hepinchedthebridgeofhisnoseandtossedtheremainsofthesandwichontothecoffee
table.MaybeCarlahadapoint:Maybehehadtakenthewholethingtoopersonally.Other
rescuershadmovedon;hadgonehomeandlettheirfamiliescomfortthem.

Hepickedupthephoneandpunchedinhisparents'number.Maybehisdad
wouldliketocomeoverandwatchthegame.Theirmachineanswered.Hismother'svoice.
Refined.Proper."Wearesosorrytohavemissedyourcall.Pleaseleaveamessageatthe
tone.Thankyou."

"Mom,Dad,it'sme.Iwasjusthangingoutandwonderingwhatyouguyswereupto."Then
heremembered-theywereonvacationinNewMexico.
"Uh,Ijustrememberedaboutyourtrip.Hopeyou'rehavingfun.Callmewhenyougetback.

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Loveyou!"

Someone-theneighbors,nodoubt-talkingloudlyintheapartmentbreezewaycausedMiss
VerbenatohopoffMatt'slapandruntothefrontdoor,yappingfuriously.

"Please,desist!"Matthollered,hungupthephone,andturnedupthevolumeofthegame.
ButMissVerbenaignoredhimcompletely.

"That'senough!"heshoutedabovethepoodle'sbarkingandpunchedtheoffbuttononthe
remote.

HeboltedupoutofthereclinerandMissVerbenadartedofftothebedroom.

Mattsighed.Itwasabeautifulfallday,toogoodtowasteinthisstuffyapartment.Hehadto
getoutofhere.Tywasfreetoday.Maybetheycouldrunoverandfixthedoctor'sfloor,as
longasshewasn'tthere.

ShehadcalledTy'sbusinessphoneandleftamessage:"Makethearrangementswithmy
housekeeper."Onceagainhewondered,whathadgonewrong?

HEWASGLADthey'dcalledahead,gladthatDanniwouldbeoutofthehouse.Because
walkinguptoherfrontdoormadehimnervous.

"Man!Thisplaceturnedoutnice.First-class,"Tymutteredfrombehindhim.

Yeah.First-class,Mattthought.Likethewomanwholiveshere.Whycouldn'thestickto
womenwhodidn'tliveinthree-hundred–thousanddollarhouses?Becauseyoulikethings
complicated,don'tyou,Creed?Headdedsarcasticallyasherangthedoorbell.

Theblackgirlansweredthedoor."Oh,Iknowyou,"shesaidasshewaggledalongred
fingernailatMatt,whilehereyeskeptshiftingtoTywithcoquettishinterest."You'retheguy
whowasoverheretheothernight."ShelookedupintoTy'seyes."Andwho'syourfriend?"

MattjerkedathumbatTy."ThisisTy,mypartnerinthefloor-finishingbusiness."Henodded
hisheadatJackie."ThisisDr.Goodlove'shousekeeper."

"Hel-lo."Thewomanextendedherhand-whichlookedtooperfectlymanicuredforamaid's-
palmdownasifsheexpectedTytokissitorsomething."MynameisJackie."

Tytookherfingerslightly."Jackie,"herepeatedinavoicethathadahintoftoo-coolinit.
"Verynicetomeetyou."

Jackiebattedhereyelashes,thensaid,"Followme."Sheturnedonherheelandstarted
downthelongentryhall,hipsundulatingsaucilyintight-fittingjeans.

"Anywhere,baby,"TymutteredandMattsmirked.

"How'dyoumeetDr.Danni?"JackiesaidtoMalt'sbackonceheandTyhadbenttothetask
ofrollingbackthePersianrug.

"Shestitchedmeup."

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"Ooh.Luckyyou.Dr.Danni'sthebest.Hey!"Heheardherfingerssnap."Youmustbethe
fireman.Theonewhogaveheryourcard."

Hestoppedrollingtherugandturnedtolookatheroverhisshoulder.

Jackiemadebigeyesathim."Ioverheardhertalkingtooneofherfriendsaboutyou.After
youcameoverheretheothernight.Oh,you'vegotherattentionallright."

NowTyturnedandlookedatheralso,thenhepulledonecornerofhismouthback
grudginglyatMatt,asiftosay,Veryimpressive.

"Really?"Mattreplied,andhesuddenlywantedtoknowexactlywhatDannihadsaidabout
him.Itwasridiculousthewayhewasobsessingaboutthiswoman."What'dshesay?"

"Oh,sheheardfromthenursesupstairsthatyoucriedwhenthosetwinsyourescueddied.
Thatreallytouchedherheart.Uh-huh.Itsuredid."

Mattfelthisneckturnred.HeglancedatTy,butTywassuddenlyextremelyintentonrolling
backtherug.TyhadgonetoOklahomaCity,too.Theyallhad.

"Jackie?That'syourname,isn'tit?"Mattsaid."Couldyou,uh,wouldyouopenthewindows
andturnontheceilingfanforus?There'llbealotoffumes."

ThecornersofTy'smouthwerepulledwaydownnow,foradifferentreason,Matt
suspected.Woulditeverleavethem?Thisgrief?Thisguilt?

Thechimeofthedoorbellbrokethestrainedsilence.

JackiewenttoansweritwhileMattandTydraggedtherugoutoftheway.

Astheystartedthelightsanding,Mattheardvoicescomingfromthefrontofthehouse.
FirstJackie'singreeting,andthenaman's,comingfromtheentryhall,andthenquickly
gettingcloserasfootstepstappedthehardwoodflooring."Danni'snothere?That'sokay.I'll
justpickupthejournalandgoon.WhoseJeepisthatoutfront?"

HeheardJackie'svoiceagain."Acoupleofguyswho'rerefinishingthefloor.Idon'tthinkshe
leftanythingforyou,Dr.Bryant,butifit'simportant,I'llgoinherstudyandlook.Whatdid
youcallit?"

"Wejustcallitthegreenjournal.That'sokay.I'llgetit.Youwouldn'tknowwhichissueI
need."Theguy'svoicewascomingfromthestudyoffthemastersuitenow."Herewego."
Thensuddenlyhepokedhisheadinthebedroomdoor."Hi,"hesaid."Soyouguysarehere
torefinishDanni'sfloor.Greathouse,isn'tit?"Hesaunteredintotheroom,wavedatthe
floorwiththerolled-upmagazine."Havingtodoalittleremedialwork,areyou?"

TyfrownedatMatt,thennoddedcurtlyattheintruderandkeptsanding.

Jackieappearedinthedoorwayfromthehallandtuckedherarmsunderherbosomasif
gettingreadytowatchaperformance.

Theguywanderedin,lookingaroundDanni'sbedroom,andforsomereasonMattfelt

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himselfgettingannoyed..Hestood,gesturedwithhissandpaper."Thesurfacejustneedsa
littletouch-up.MattCreed."Hestuckouthiscleanhand.

TheguyshookMatt'shand."Dr.RogerBryant.I'mDr.Goodlove's...goodfriend."

Mattfrownedandswipedhisnosewithaknucklelightly,thenglancedatTy,whokepton
sandingsteadilyasifDr.Bryantwasnotreallyworthmuchnotice.

Bryantmovedtowardthedoor."Well,guessI'llletyouboysgetbacktowork."Heaimeda
fingeratMattlikeasix-shooter."Let'shopeyougetitrightthistime."

TyglancedupatMattwithalookthatsaid,Whatanass!Mattnoddedinagreement.

"TellDanniI'llcallherlater,"BryantsaidtoJackieashesqueezedpastherandlefttheroom,
"tothankherforthearticle."

Matt,backdownononeknee,turnedhisheadandwatchedBryantexitingdownthehallway,
hisheelstappingenergeticallyonthehardwoodfloor.Alligatortasselloafers.Whowasthis
jerk,anyway?Forsomereasonhedidn'treallyseemlikesomebodywho'dbeDanni
Goodlove's"goodfriend."

AWEEKLATER,DANNIhadpulledanother"fullmooner"andshewassotired,shecould
barelyfocusasshegropedfortheringingphonebesideherbed.Hermindwassonumbshe
didn'trecognizehisvoiceatfirst."MattCreed?"shesaid,asifhehadn'tjustrepeatedhis
name.

"Yeah.Hey,Ididn'twakeyouup,didI?"

Shesatupandsquintedattheglowinggreennumbersonheralarmclock:7:32p.m.Bethe
thinksI'maloser,soundasleepatseven-thirtyonaFridaynight.

Shequicklyexplained:"Actually,youdid,butthat'sbecauseIworkedthroughthenight,then
endedupseeingtwoborderlinepatientsintheofficeafterhourstoday.I'mbeat."

"Oh,gosh.Well,it'skindofacrazyideaforadate,anyway.Maybeyou'retootiredtogo."

Adate?Dannisatupamongthepillowsandranahandthroughherchoppybangsasit
dawnedonherthathewascallingher.Maybeitwashappening,justasCarolhadsaid.
Suddenlyshewasfullyawake."Tootiredtogowhere?"

Hisanswerwaslow,provocative."Toareal,live,hotbonfire."

SURELYTHISISN'THISideaofadate,Dannithoughtasshewasbuffetedbyacrowdof
screamingTulsaCentralHighstudents,jostlingtheirwayclosertoanenormouspileofscrap
woodtoppedbyaneffigyofaTulsaHalefootballplayer.Sherealizedshewasirritablefrom
lackofsleep,butthiswasridiculous.Shehadn'tevenseenMattsincetheyarrived.Whyhad
hedraggedherhere?

He'dcomeforherinhispickup,dressedinturnoutpants,suspenders,afirefighter'sT-shirt
andboots.He'ddrivenhertotheCentralHighpracticefieldwithcountry-and-westernmusic
blaringthewholetime,refusingtoofferahintofexplanation.

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"Nowyougettoseemeinaction,"he'dsaidashereachedbehindtheseatforhisturnout
coatandhelmet."Normallyforthisevent,Irideinwithmyenginecompany-"heinclinedhis
headtowardapumpertruckparkedbeyondthebleachersandthecrowd"-buttonightI'm
meetingthemhere,becauseIwantedtobringyou."

Dannithoughtaboutthelookinhiseyeswhenhe'dsaidthat.Captivating.Maybeitwasjust
chemistry,thewayCarolhadsaid,butDannilikedthesefemalefeelings.Shereallydid.And
shehadtoadmit,justwatchinghimputonhisgearinthatparkinglothadbeen...entertaining.
WatchingMatthewCreeddoanythingwasentertaining.

Butthenhe'descortedheroutontothefieldcrowdedwithexcitedteenagers,amarching
band,asmatteringofindulgentlysmilingparentsandteachers-andnotonesoulsheknew.
"Waithere,"he'dsaid."Thenmeetmeovertherewhenthisisover."He'dpointedtoward
someoldwoodenbleachers.Thenhe'dlefther.

Shestoodaroundthroughseveralbandtunesandsomespeechesbytheprincipalandthe
studentleaders,gettingmorewearyandpeevedwitheachpassingsecond,wonderingwhat
theheckshewasdoingherewhenshecouldbeathome,sleeping.

Then,withaclamor,theattentionofthecrowdshiftedtothebonfirepile.

TherewasMatt,crawlinguponthewood,withapikepoleinonehandandagascaninthe
other.

Heraisedthepikepolehighabovehishead,andforonesplitsecondDannithoughthe
lookedlikesomekindofancientwarriorashedrovethepikeintothedummyhangingfroma
frameabovethewood.Thegirlssquealedandclappedandtheboyspunchedtheairand
roared,"Yeah!"intheirdeepestvoices.Mattstarteddousingthewoodwiththecontentsof
thegascan.

Hewasthestar,andhewasplayinghisroletohilt.Hecrawleddownandemptiedthelast
dripsoftheliquidatthefootofthepile,thenhetossedthegascanandpikepoleasideand
snatchedupalongtorchmadeofragsandwood.

Thecrowd,silhouettedagainstthesettingsun,seemedlikeoneorganism,focusedtotallyon
Matt,waitingexpectantlyforsomething.

Finallyhelithistorch,andatthefirstsightofflame,thecrowdroaredagain.Hewavedthe
fireballinslowcirclesabovehisheadwhilethebandaccelerateditsfrenzieddrumbeat.He
didarhythmicdance,jammingthetorchtowardthewoodpilebutnotlettingitignite,teasing
theyellingteenagers.

Watchinghisstrongarmsandlegs,hisbroadback,thewayheworkedthecrowd,Danni
thought,Ifheweremine,I'dbevideotapingeverysecondofthis.

Ifheweremine?Dannirubbedherarmsandlookedatthekidsaroundher.Someofthe
footballplayershadhoistedthecheerleadersontotheirshouldersandthegirlswereclapping
tothedrumrhythm.Suddenlythewholethingseemedso...hedonistic.Thebeatingofthe
drumsinthechillfallair.Theelectrified,jumping,dancingcrowd.AndMatt-big,daring,

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wieldingfire.

AboynearDannicuppedhishandsaroundhismouthandyelled,'Lightit,man!"

ButMattteasedsomemore,standingback,shrugginghisshoulders,cuppinghishandathis
earasifhedidn'tunderstandwhatthekidswanted.

Finallytheschoolprincipal,standingonaplatformattheedgeofthecrowd,gaveMatta
silentsignalandMattloweredhisfaceshield.Herushedforwardandplungedthetorchinto
thekerosene-soakedwood.Thecrowdyelleddeafeninglyastheflamesleapedoutwitha
giantwhoosh,andacolumnofblacksmoketwistedskyward.

Theheatwasinstantlyintenseandthecrowdbackedup.ButMattstoodnearthefire,
seemingimpervioustoit.HeraisedhisfaceshieldandlookeddirectlyatDanni.

"Thatyourhusband,lady?"aganglygirlwithamouthfulofbracesaskedfrombesideDanni.

"No,"Dannireplied.ButasshewatchedMatt,circlingthefire,kickingupdustashebooted
strayembersbacktowardthecenter,sherealizedthatsomepartofherwasimaginingwhat
itwouldbelikeiftheanswerwasyes.

"Toobad!He'sahunk!"Thegirlcuppedherhandstohermouthandgiggledasherfriend
pushedheraway.

Whenthingshaddieddown,Mattsignaledinthewatertruckthathadbeenparkedatthe
edgeofthefield,andheandtwootherfirefightersdousedthefire.

TheprincipalwalkedoverandshooktheirhandsandthenMattsignaledhisbuddiestotake
inthehosewhilehetrottedovertoDanni,whowaswaitingforhim,aloneonthebleachers.

"Well?"hesaidbreathlesslyashetookoffhishelmet."How'dyoulikeit?"Heunhookedhis
turnoutcoat.

She'dlikedit.Verymuch.WatchingMattlightthefire,thatis.Butasfortherestofthisso-
calleddate..."Itwascertainly...different,"shereplied."Youreallygotthecrowdworkedup."

"IlighttheCentralHighbonfireeveryyear.Keepseverythingsafe.Ifigurethekidsdeservea
show.I'mcrazyaboutkids."Heloweredhimselftothebleacherinfrontofherand
proceededtopulloffhisboots."IthoughtyoumightliketoseewhatIdowhenI'mnot
savinglives."

Hestoodandpoppedhissuspendersoffhisshoulders,unsnappedtheturnoutpants,and
Dannifeltherselfturningred.Washegoingtopullthosethingsoff?Whatwasunderthem?
Thenshesawit-thekerchiefhe'dhadonintheE.R.thatfirstnighttheymet,knottedaround
hiswristagain.

Hepeeledthepantsdownand,muchtoherrelief,uncoveredapairofsnugLevi's.Hejerked
theturnoutsoff,thenpulledthefire-bootsbackon.Hebentdownandpickeduptherestof
thegearandsaid,"Comeon.I'llputthisstuffbackontheengine.I'vegotmyotherbootsin
thepickup."

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Shehookedafingerunderthekerchief,haltinghimasheturned."Tellmeaboutthis."She
saiditquietly,asagentlerequest.

Mattsuddenlyseemedtogrowdarkandsolemn,ashelookeddownatthekerchief."It
belongedtoafriend."Hecockedaneyebrowatherasifgaugingherreaction."Iwearit
everytimeIbunkerup."

"Oh?Why?"

"Forluck."Thenhisexpressionsoberedagain."AndsoIdon'tforget."

"Don'tforgetwhat?"Hercuriosityaboutthismanwassostrongshecouldn'thelppushing.
"Sparky."

"Sparky'sthefriend?"

"Hewas.Hewasthesearch-and-rescuedogwekeptatthestation.He,uh...Helivedwith
mewhileItrainedhim,backwhenIstillhadahouseandayard."

"Oh?"Shewaitedforhimtosaymore,buthestaredoutoverthefield,asiflostinsome
distantmemory.Shethoughtaboutthefiercelookinhiseyesintheemergencyroomwhen
he'dgrabbedherwrist.Finallyshesaid,quietly,carefully,"DoesSparkyhavesomethingto
dowiththebombing?"

"Thebombing?"Hefrowneddownather."Whatdoyouknowaboutthebombing?"

"Thatfirstnightwhenyoucameintotheemergencyroom.Yourfriend-"

ITy:"Iguess.Youwereagitated,soIgaveyouasedative-Youreallydon'trememberanyof
this?"

Mattshookhishead,lookingcurious.

Danniwenton:"Well,yourfriendtoldmeyouwereoneoftherescuersatthebombing."

Mattshrugged."Yeah.SowasTy.Sowerealotofpeople."

"AndSparky?Didhehelpyousearchforvictims?"

Mattlookeddownathisbighands."Weusedtheselittleleatherbooties,buthisfeetstillgot
cutupsobadintherubble-hegotaninfectionthatwouldn'theal."

"And?"shepromptedquietly.

Helookeddownintohersearchingeyes.Hisownwerecalmandsad."Andwehadtoput
himtosleep."

Dannisuddenlyfeltthatshehadsteppedoveraline,andthathertrespassingmightcosther
something-exactlywhat,shecouldn'tsay.Shelookedaway."That'ssosad.I'msorryI
broughtitup,"shesaidtruthfully.

"It'sokay.Somethingsyouhavetoaccept."Danniknewthat.Andsomethingswere

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impossibletoaccept.Sheknewthat,too.

"Youknowwhatstickswithme?"hesaid."WhatI'vehadnightmaresabout?"Hewasnot
lookingather.Insteadhestaredoutovertheabandonedfootballfieldatthepileofashes
wherehehadclownedaroundonlyanhourago.

"What?"Shecouldhardlybreathe,waitingforhisanswerashestaredoutoverthefield.

"Howitwouldgetsoquiet."

Dannionlynodded,notwantingtobreakhistrancewithwords.

"WhenIdreamaboutit,it'salwayssoquietlikethat.Therubble.Theblood.Silent.
Respectful.Likeweallknew,evenaswewereworkingsohard,thattherehadtobepeople
alreadydead,buriedinthere."

"Ineverthoughtofthat,howawfulthesilencemusthavebeen,"Danniwhispered.Andher
eyeswererimmedwiththetearsthathadbeentryingtocomeouteversincethenightshe'd
metthisman.WhatwasitaboutMatthewCreedthatdidthistoher?

Tohereverlastingshame,Dannihadnotbeenabletoreallycryafterthebombing.During
thehorribleaftermath,she'ddesperatelywantedtocry-thewayeverybodyaroundherhad
beencryingbutforsomereasonshehadn'tbeenableto.Maybethatwaswhenshe'dfirst
startedtowonderifsomethingwaswrongwithher,withherlife,ifshecouldn'tcryalongwith
everybodyelse.

Butnow,suddenly,alonewithMattonasilentfootballfield,shefelttheunshedtears
building.

"It'sokaytocryaboutit,"hesaid,asifreadinghermind."Istilldosometimes."

Dannibitherlip,tookahugebreath,closedhereyes,andthefirsttearrolleddown."Could
you...holdme?"sheasked.

"Icoulduseahugmyselfrightaboutnow,"hesaidsoftly.

Shestoodandhetookherhandandhelpedherclimbdownfromthebleachers.

TheyfacedeachotherforamomentbeforeDanniopenedherarmstohimandhestepped
towardher.

ForDanni,therehadneverbeenahuglikethis.Heslowlywrappedhisstrongarms.around
herandrestedhischeekagainstherhair,ashepulledherbodyagainsthis.

Shelaidherfaceagainstthemusclesofhischestandthoughtherownbodywouldburstat
theimpactoffullcontactwithhim.Shecouldhearhisheartbeating,feelhissteady
breathing.Hewasamazinglywarmincontrasttothenightair,andhesmelledfaintlyof
cedar,smokeandleather.Hesnuggledhertightlyagainsthim.Hewasrelaxed,calm,yet
radiatingpowerandenergy.

TheystoodlikethatforalongtimewhileDannifeltsomethinginherchestactuallyloosen

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andexpand.Sheclosedhereyesandwantedtostaylikethis-inthisman'swonderful,
wonderfularms-forever.

Thenhekissedthetopofherhead,pressedhislipsthere,likeafatherkissingaprecious
child."Thankyouforaskingaboutthekerchief,"hesaidagainstherhair.

"Youknowwhat,MatthewCreed?"Shetiltedherheadupandstudiedhisfacefrombelow.
"There'salotmoretoyouthanaprettyface."

Hismoodshiftedsuddenlytoeasygoingagain."Yeah,Iknow.There'sthisgreatbody,too."
Hisarmstightenedaroundherwithahintofmasculineurgewheretherehadonlybeen
comfortingtendernessbefore.

Suddenlyflustered,Dannilaughedandwriggledoutofhisembrace.

Helethergoandwinkedather,thenshiftedthefirefighter'sgearontohisbackandtookher
elbowwithhisfreehand."Andspeakin'ofbodies,mine'sstarving."

THISTIME,HECHOSETHEplace.Smoky,greasy,noisy.Packedwithoverweightfolksin
sweatshirtsandwell-wornjeans.Dannihatedit.

"Mykindoffood,"hesaid,anddidn'tevenbothertolookatthemenu.

ButDanniporedoverit,lookingforsomething,anything,amongthechicken-friedsteakand
barbecuedribsthatwouldn'tcompletelywreckherdiet.

Thewaitresscameandsaid,"Hi,bigfella,"toMattasifsheknewhim."WhatcanIgetyou
folks?"

"Theusual."Mattsmiledupather.

"Sideofporkribswiththeworks,"shesaid,wroteitonherpad,thenturnedherattentionto
Danni."Andforyou,ma'am?"

Danniclosedthemenu."Justasalad."

Mattandthewaitresslookedhorrified,asifDannihadorderedaplateofworms.

"I'monadiet,"Danniexplained.

Mattblewaraspberrysoundwithhislips."Youdon'tneedadiet,"hesaid.Heturnedtothe
waitress."Sally,bringtheladyaSamplerPlatter."Thewaitressnoddedwithasatisfiedsmile
andwaddledaway.

Danniresentedhisaudacity."IknowwhatI'mallowedtoeat,"sheinformedhiminalow
voice.

"Oh,youdon'thavetoeatit."Mattwinked."Justdomethehonoroflookingatit."

Dannicouldhavelookedatitwithoutweakening,butwhenshesmelledit,shesalivated.It
turnedouttobethemostdeliciousfoodshe'devertasted.Sheallowedherselfonemoment
ofguiltbeforeshedivedintotheenormousplatteroftenderbarbecuedribs,juicysmoked

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chickenbreast,coleslawandfries.

WhileMattdevouredhisfood,hekepthiseyesonher.Atonepointhereachedoverwithhis
napkinandgentlydabbedsomebarbecuesaucefromherchin.

"Youcangobackonyourdiettomorrow,"hereassuredher."Sometimes,Doctor,yougotta
liveforyourself."

DANNIWONDEREDWHOM,exactly,shewaslivingforwhenshelethermother
badgerherintoadatewithWesleyFuerbornethenextday.

"Danni,sweetheart,yourealizethattheTulsaPerformingArtsGalaattheGilcreaseis
comingupsoon."Hermotherhadcalledherbrightandearly.

"And?"Dannionlyhalflistenedassheleafedthroughastackofroutinedischargenotes.

"AndIstillhavetwoseatsatmytable.I'mthecochairman.Two'emptychairswouldnotlook
nice.IwaswonderingifyouandWesleywouldhelpmeoutandcometogether.Youhave
workedsohardonyourdietandyouwilllookstunninginaneveninggown.AndWesleyis
suchasweetman.Wouldn'tyouenjoyseeinghimagain?"

InanswertoDanni'ssilence,Oliviaaddedinasoft,coaxingvoice:"Dear,don'tyouthinkit's
abouttimeyouallowedyourselftheluxuryofadecentsociallife?Youknow,younevereven
wenttoyourownseniorprom.Please?Forme?"

Betweentheflatteryandthebegging,Dannifoundherselfsayingyes.

WhenJackieheardthatDanniwasattendingablack-tiefund-raiserattheGilcrease
Museum,shesquealed."ApartyattheGilcrease!Yourpicturemightevenendupinthe
Sundaypaper!"

SheandCarolinsistedonhelpingDannishopforthedress,agorgeousbeadedsilkfaille
sheathinashadeofroyalbluethatcontrasteddramaticallywithDanni'srichbrownhair.

WhenDannisawherselfalldoneupinthefull-lengthmirror,shedecidedthatmaybeher
motherhadapoint.Maybeshehadcheatedherself-nevergoingtotheprom,neverallowing
herselfthekindsofglamourdatesotherwomenenjoyed.

Andobjectively,Dannihadtoadmitthatthedateturnedouttobeadreamdate.Wesley
Fuerborneknewhowtotreatawoman.Hesentflowersintheafternoon.Heintroducedher
toalltheTulsaluminariesasifshewerethequeenherself.Hewaltzedheraroundthedance
floorwithperfectgrace.Heputhistuxjacketoverherbareshouldersonthewayhome.

Arealdreamdate.

ExceptWesleyFuerborne,blesshisheart,wasn'tMatthewCreed.

MatthewCreed,whorescuedbabies.MatthewCreed,whojuttedhishipswithwildabandon
ashelitabonfire.MatthewCreed,whosekissshesimplycouldnotforget.


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CHAPTERTEN

MATTHEWCREED,WHOSEIDEAofadatewasnotexactlydreamy.

"Hi,"hesaidwhenDanniansweredhispagethefollowingweek,"Areyoubusysavingalife
oranything?"

"Nope.Savedmyquotafortheday."Dannismiledintothereceiver.

"Listen.I'vegottogodowntowntotestachuteinaboutanhour.Whydon'tyoucomewith
me?Ithoughtyoumightpickoutanotheroneofyourfancyrestaurantsandwecouldgo
eat."

"Testachute?"Danniasked.

"Yeah.Everysooften,wegointothedowntownofficebuildingsandtestthefireescapes.
Theguyshadaprobleminanewlyremodeledofficetodayandwantedmetogobackanddo
alittleteachingatclosingtime.Thechutesarelikebigslides,circlingaround.Wegodown
themtomakesurethey'reallclear-nosnagsoranything.It'sfun."

Itdidn'tsoundlikefuntoDanni."Howfardown?"sheasked.

"Thisone'stwenty-threefloors.Howaboutit?Dinneratafancyrestaurant?I'dsureliketo
seeyouinthatblackdressagain."

Dannifeltalittleskipofexcitement.Thenshethought,Twenty-threestories!Danniwanted
toseethis,butshedidn'twanttowreckherdietagain."Listen.Ihaveabetteridea.Iwant
toseethischutestuntbutIwasgoingtotrytogetinahorsebackridebeforethesunwent
down.Whydon'twedothatinsteadofgoingoutfordinner?I'llbringapicnic."

Therewasalongsilenceandshethoughtthey'dlosttheirconnection."Matt?Areyou
there?"

"Ahorsebackride...likeonahorse?"heasked.Dannigiggled."No,onagiraffe."

Buttherewasalong,unhappysighontheotherend.

"Matt?"

"Okay.Horsesitis."

MATTSTOODWAITINGinfrontofthebuilding,dressedincowboyboots,jeans,aplain
whiteT-shirtandablackbomber-stylejacketunlikeanyDannihadeverseen.Thesnap
front,ribbedwaistandcuffs,andtanleathersleeveslookedlikeanyothervarsityjacket.But
whatmadethisoneuniquewasthesmalllogoontherightchest-TulsaCo.FireDepartment-
andthe"MatthewCreed"embroideredontheleft.

"Wow,"Dannibreathedinhonestadmiration."Thatisonecooljacket."

"It'saGall'sGear.Bestthereis.Ihaditspeciallymade."Hetippedhisshouldertoshowher
thelargefire-departmentlogointheshapeofaMaltesecrossembroideredacrosstheback.

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"Comeon,it'squittin'timedowntown.Thefolksonthetopfloorarewaiting."

OFFICEPERSONNEL,clutchingpurses,briefcases,andtake-homepaperwork,were
alreadygatheringaroundtowatchMatt.

Unlikewhenhe'dperformedfortheteenagers,therewasnoshowmanshipinMatt'sattitude
tonight.Dannitaggedalongwhilehemadeaquicktourofthelargearchitecturalfirm's
offices.Hestoppedonceandquietlypointedouttooneofthepartnersthattheboxesand
mailingtubesclutteringonehallwayhadtogo..

Hewentbacktothefire-escapeareaandexplainedhowthechuteopenedontoalandingat
eachfloor,andonlythatareawouldbelit.Therestofthechute,heemphasized,waspitch-
black."Inafire,hesitationcanbedeadly,butsocanpanic,"hesaid."Theideaistogetout
calmlyandquickly."

Heaskedifanyoneelsewantedto"takearide"down,andthelittlecrowdofemployees
chucklednervously.

Hepushedonwhatlookedlikeheavypanelingandthenasmallsetofdoors,whichDanni
hadn'tevennoticedbefore,poppedopen.Adimlylitholegapedbelowasmalllanding.Danni
couldseethemetalescapetubespiralingdown.Twenty-threestories!

Mattsteppedontothenarrowlanding."Remember,feetfirst,keepyourarmsupoveryour
head,andgravitydoesthework.Ifyougetstuckorballedup,straightenyourlegsout.
Don'tstruggle,lieflat.Ifanybodywantstopractice,I'llbewaitingatthebottom."

Ashestrippedoffthebomberjacket,Dannisawayoungwomanpurseherlipsandrollher
eyesataco-worker."Sometimesthere'saburrinthemetal,"heexplainedquietlyashe
handedthejackettoDanni."Guyshavetorntheiruniforms.Meetmedownstairs."Hewinked
ather,jumpedintothechute,anddisappeared.

Murmuringandmorenervouslaughterrippledthroughthecrowd.Acoupleoftheworkers
steppedforwardtopeerdownthewayMatthadgone.

Dannilooked,too,andshuddered.SheclutchedMatt'sjacket-theleatherwasstillwarm-and
breathedinhisscent.Thenshetooktheelevatordown.

ANHOURLATERSHEwonderedifhewasthesameguywhohadslidtwenty-threestories
downaspiralingblacktubeasifitwereaplaygroundslide.

Big,brawnyMattwasasnervousandskittisharoundhorsesasalittleoldlady.Thoughthe
bayDannihadborrowedforhimwasatameoldpet,Mattwasactingasiftheanimalmight
eathimaliveanysecond.

DannipulledQuickoffthetrailsoonerthanshehadplanned,inordertogivethepoormana
break.TheydismountedandshetoldMatttotakethesaddlebagstoasmallred-rock
clearingatthetopoftheslopewhileshetiedthehorses-hisandhers-tosomelowcedars.

"Youhaven'tdonemuchhorsebackriding,"Dannisaidafewminuteslaterasshespreadthe
blanketandthenknelttolayoutthesimplepicnicJackiehadprepared-bakedturkeyforher,

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friedchickenforMatt.

"Nope."Hekneltbesideherandstartedhelpingherwiththefood.

"Youshouldhavetoldmeyoudon'tenjoyriding,"Dannisaid.

Mattsatbackonhisheels,studyingherface."IguessIthoughtIcouldpullitoff.Thetruth
is,Ihatehorses.Ihaven'tbeenononesinceIwastwelveyearsold.That'swhenabigold
rascalnamedDemonbitmeonthebehind."

Dannigrinnedupathim.

"It'snotfunny.Itleftascar."

"Really?"

"Yes.Itwasverytraumatic,"Mattsaidforlornlyasheleanedinclosertoher."AndI
desperatelyneedtheloveofagood,understandingwomantohelpmegetoverit."

Heleaneddown,examinedherlipsinthesamewayhehadontheirfirstdate.Incontrastto
thecoolairinthecedarglen,hisbreathwashot,beckoning.

Thenhekissedher-kissedherasthoroughlyashehadthefirsttime.Whilehismouth
worked,hetookherhandandmassagedtheinsideofherpalmwithhisstrongthumb.The
effectonDanniwasoverwhelming.Itwasasifhewerecaressing,awakening,some
mysteriousregioninsideher.

Finallyhepulledback.Dannireleasedashakybreath,lookedintohiseyes,andbitherlip,
afraidofthepassionfloodingthroughher.Couldheguesswhatshewasfeeling?Washe
feelingthissameamazingintensity?

Heranhisthumboverherlowerlip.

"So.Doyouwannaseemyscar?"hemurmuredasheregardedherlip.

Danniblushedandturnedherfacetothepicnicpack."Oh,look!"shesaid,evadinghim.
"Jackiemadepastasalad.I'mstarving."Sheglancedathim.

Matthadsettledbackonhisheelsandwasgivingheraquietappraisinglook.Heshrugged
andsmiled."Me,too.Let'seat."

Sheturnedherburningfaceawayagainandpulledoutthecontainers.Shecouldn'tlookat
himnowbecausewhilesherealizedthatshewantedtosee,toknow,tofeeleverything
aboutMatthewCreed,shehadalsorealizedadeeper,moresoberingtruthjustnow.Danni
wasabsolutelyterrifiedtotakethatawesomestep.


CHAPTERELEVEN

"IWASWONDERING,DOYOUhaveabathingsuit?"Mattaskedwhenhecalled
herafewdayslater."Abathingsuit?"InNovember?

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"Yeah,abathingsuit.Wait.Letmestartover.Thisisyourweekendoff,right?"

Danni'sheartstartedtobeatfaster,thewayitdideverytimehecalledher."Uh,no,it'snot,
butIcangetsomeonetocoverforme,"shesaid,strugglingtocontrolherbreathing,hoping
thatdidn'tsoundtooeager.

"Well,listen.Ihaveacoupleofbuddieswho'veorganizedacanoetripdowntheIllinoisRiver.
Iwaswonderingifyoumightwanttocomealong."

Acanoetrip?Asopposedtospendingtheweekendcurledupwithbackissuesof
ContemporaryOB/Gyn?Gee,toughchoice.

"When-"hervoicecracked"-uh,whenareyougoing?"

"Brightandearlytomorrowmorning.CouldIcomeandgetyouat,say,seven?"

Carol'svoiceinvadedDazmi'shead,solemnlyintoninga"rule":"Neveracceptadateatthe
lastminute."Yetitseemedthatwiththisman,Danniwasbreakingeveryrule.
"Soundsgreat,"sheansweredwithouthesitation.Screwtherules.

MATTSHOWEDUPINHERdrivewaywithtwootherfiremenandtheirdatesatsevensharp
thenextday.

Themorninglightglintedgoldenoffthedoorsoftheirfreshlywaxedsport-utilityvehiclesas
themengotout.ItpromisedtobeoneofthoserareOklahomadaysinlateautumnwhena
lastdrenchingofSouthwesternsunpushedthetemperaturebackupintothe
seventies,sometimeseventheeighties.

MattintroducedTy.Dannirecognizedhimasthemanwho'drestrainedMattinthe
emergencyroom.Butshedidn'twanttobringattentiontothefactthatshewasadoctor.
"Youdidabeautifuljobonmyfloors,Ty."Shesmiledassheshookhishand.

Tysmiledback."Thanks.Ireallylikewhatyoudidwithyourhouse,Dr.Goodlove."

"EverybodycallsmeDanni."

Ty'sdate,adelicate-lookingyoungwomannamedGloria,smiledshylyandnoddedfromthe
windowofhisJeep.

Theotherman,Gil,waschunkyandredheaded.ThefirstthingDanninoticedabouthis
girlfriend,Rena,washertattoo:atangleofsnakesaroundherwrist.

Whentheygotintohispickup,Mattproducedapicnicbasket,whichlookedsonewthatshe
expectedtoseeapricetagdanglingsomewhere."ThistimeIbroughtthepicnic,"hesaid
proudly.Hegrinnedandheldthebasketopenforherapproval.

Insidetherewasabrand-newtableclothandmatchingnapkins,asetofplastictablewareand
cutleryinbrightfuchsia,andenoughFrenchdelifoodtofeedthemasses.Also,wrappedina
blueKoldPackfromafireman'sfirst-aidkit,wasasmallbottleofCabernetwithan
expensive-lookinglabel.Dannismiled,touchedbythetroublehe'dgoneto.

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Andshelovedthewayhelooked.Todayhewaswearingbaggykhakishortsandadeepred
golfshirtwithawell-worndeckjacketthrownoverit.

"Youlike?"

"Ilove."Danniwassurprisedbyherowngushiness.Musthavebeentheeffectofthat
aftershavehewaswearing.

Thenabulgeatthesideofhisjacketmoved!

Dannijumped."What°sthat?"Shepointed.

Mattraisedhiseyebrowswhileslowlyloweringthejacketzipper.Ashiveringgraypoodle
pokedherheadout,liftedrheumylittleeyesatDanni,thenretreatedlikeaturtlebackinto
thefoldsofMatt'sjacket.

"MissVerbena?"Danniasked.

Mattnoddedandputhisfingertohislips."She'srathershy,"hewhispered.

"Oh,Isee,"Danniwhisperedback,playingalong,thoughshewassomewhatsurprisedthat
hewouldbringafragilelapdogonacanoetrip.

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Butanhourlater,Danniunderstoodhisstrategy.MissVerbena,likeamischievouschildora
dyspepticduenna,wastheperfectdistractionasthey
madetheirwayalongtheIllinoisRiver,alonetogetherinacanoefortheentireday.Except
forafewsillyremarkstothepoodle,Mattwasmostlyquietatfirst,paddlingsteadily,and
Dannifoundshewasgratefultohavethedogasadiversion.

Theriver-allgreenandgold,thicklyovergrownwitholdwillowsandmassivecottonwoods
thatleanedoutoverthewater-wassowideandsmoothinplacesthattreesandskywere
reflectedonthesurfacelikeshimmeryupside-downpaintings.

"ThisremindsmeofTheEnglishDreamers,"Dannisaid.

"Huh?"Mattturnedfromhispaddling.

"Acollectionofnineteenth-centurypaintings.

Theriverremindsmeofthem,"sheexplained."Oh,cool,"wasallhesaid,thenwentbackto
hisrowingandhissilence.

"MissVerbena,"Dannistage-whisperedtothedog,"arefinedladylikeyouwouldappreciate
TheEnglishDreamers."

"Naw."Mattturnedandgrinned."ShepreferstheImpressionists."

Shesmiledathimandpattedthedog.Shedidlikehisstyle.

Whentheygottoaperfectlycalmsectionoftheriver,andthewateryrippleofhispaddle
slowlydippinginandoutwastheonlysound,Mattsaidquietly,"DoyoueverseeMary
Taylor?"

"Who?"Danni,whohadbeenlostinreverie,enjoyingtheshadowybeautyaroundthem,
couldn'trecallanyonenamedMaryTaylor.

Heturnedsothatshecouldseehisprofile,andshewasstruckagainbyhowhandsomehe
was,evenwhenhewasfrowning."Yourpatient.Theonewhosetwinsdiedinthefire."

"Oh."Danni'smouthformedanembarrassedcircle.Sheshouldhaverememberedthatname.
Obviously,hedid."Uh,no,"shestammered."I,uh...Shenevercamebackforherfollow-up
appointment."

Hestoppedpaddlingandfacedherfullon.Hisfrowndeepened."Shejustdidn'tshowup?
Afterhavingacesareansection?"

Dannishrugged."It'snotunusualforsomepatientstodisappearoncethey'redischarged
fromthehospital."

"Youdidn'thaveyourofficecalltocheckonher?"

Danni'scheeksgrewwarm."Actually,mynursedidcall.Wealwayscallatleastonce.But
whenthere'sadisconnectednumber,whatelsecanwedo,otherthanreportthecaseto

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ChildWelfare?"

Hisfrowndissolved,wasreplacedbyanexpressionofcontemplativesadness.Hestaredup
atthetreesacrossthewater."Man,"wasallhesaid.Heturnedandresumedpaddling.Danni
studiedhisstrongshoulders,whichlookedtensenow.

Againtheyfellsilentuntilthesungrewwarmer,andMattremovedhisjacket."Aren'tyou
gettinghot?"heasked.

"I'mfine,"Dannilied.Sheworeonlyherbathingsuit,awide-strappedmaillot,underher
windbreakerandjoggingpants,andsheknewitwassilly,butinfrontofthismanwho
practicallyexudedsex,shefeltself-consciousaboutexposinghergenerousbosom.Don'tbe
silly,shethought,thenquicklystrippedthejacketoff.Shesatverystill,withhershoulders
slightlyrounded.

Mattsmiledpleasantly."Nowyoulookmorecomfortable,"hesaid,neveronceglancingat
hercleavage.

"What?"HebenttowardMissVerbena,whowaslyingwithhermuzzleonherpawsnear
Danni'sfeet."Yousayyouarestarving?Oh,okay.ThenIsupposeIshallbeforcedtofind
anappropriateplacewherewemightpicnic."Hescannedtheriverbanksahead.

"Whydoyoualwaystalktoherlikethat?"Danniasked,squintingupathim.

"Youmeaninthoselong,complicated-"hetiltedhisnoseintotheairandaffectedaBritish
accent"-rawthereruditesentences?"Hecockedaneyebrowatthelittledog."MissVerbena
doesnotcareforsloppyspeech.Itirritatesher.Ain'tthatright,MissV.?"

MissVerbenajumpedtoherfeetandbarkedexcitedlyasifagreeing.

Dannigavehimaslygrin."AndIbetyoualwayscallherMissV.whenit'stimetoeat."

"Youaresuchabrightlady."Heraisedanoartosignalhisfriendsintheothercanoesto
headtothebankforthepicnic.

Whenthey'dallcomeashore,Gil,who'dobviouslyhadonebeertoomany,didglanceat
Danni'scleavage.Renaobviouslydidn'tappreciatethat."Gil,getyourfatassoverhereand
helpmeunloadthisicechest,"shesaid,glaringathimfromunderhersunvisor.

"Rena,girl,youtalksodadgumpretty,"Mattjoked,butDannicouldtellhewasembarrassed.
ShescoopedupMissVerbenaandusedthelittlepoodleasafurryshieldforherfrontasshe
andMattwalkedpastGilandRenatowardashadyspotwhereTyandhisdatewere
spreadingaquilt.

Gilopenedhisicechestandstartedpoppingbeers."Howaboutabeer?"heaskedDanni,
alreadytwistingthecapoffoneforher.

"No,thanks,"Dannireplied."I'mnotmuchofabeerdrinker."

Aheartbeatofuncomfortablesilencestretched,thenGilshruggedandhandedthebeerto
Rena.ThegirlwithTysmiledinamincing,apologeticwayatDanni.

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"Hey!"Mattinterjectedcheerily."That'sexactlywhyIbroughtthis."Hepulledthebottleof
Cabernetfromhispicnicbasket.Heuncorkedthewineandpoureditintotwotinyplastic
wineglasses.

"Matt,buddy,whoareyoutryin'toimpress?"Gilsaidloudly.

"MissVerbena."MattwinkedandhandedDannioneofthewineglasses.

Danniraisedtheglassinsalute.Andjustthenherpagerwentoff.

Mattwatchedasshecheckedthepagerclippedatherwaistband,dugaroundinhertotefor
hercellphone,punchedinanumber,thenlocatedapenandpaperwhileshewaited.His
friendswatched,too.
"Roger?Youpagedme?"shesaid.

Roger.Wasthatthecretinwho'dcomechargingintoherhousetheotherday?

Danni'svoicewassuddenlytense."Yes,sheis.Howhighisit?"

"Epigastricpain?...Visualdisturbances?...Didyourunachemsixteen?...Okay.Iguesswe
needamag-sulfatedrip...Sure.Youokaywiththis?...Okay.ThenI'lltalktoyoulater."

Shelistenedforamomentandherdemeanorshiftedagain.Shelooked...embarrassed.She
glancedatMatt,thentookafewstepsawayfromthegroup."Oh,Idon'tthinkIcoulddo
that,really....No,notevendinner.I'm-I'moutontheriver,witha-afriend.Idon'tknowwhen
I'llbeback."

AwispofjealousycurledinMatt'sgut.Coolit,man,hetoldhimself.It'sherjob.

GilrolledhiseyesatMattasDannirejoinedthegroup,butMattignoredhim."Everything
okayatthehospital?"heaskedher.

Dannisighed."SometimesI'dliketoflingthispagerintotheriver,youknow?"Theothers
noddedsympathetically."Butfornow,everything'sfine."

"Thenlet'seat!"Tysaidwithexaggeratedgusto.

ThefoodsMatthadselectedforherwereyummy,butspinachquicheandcream-cheese
brownieswerenotexactlyonDanni'sdiet.Shedecidedtomakedobylimitingherportions
andchewingslowly.

Everybodyelsegobbledfriedchickenlikestarvingtruckerswhilethemenrecounteddroll
firehouseanecdotes.Dannienjoyedthestoriesandlaughedwiththeotherwomen,butthe
wholetimeshefeltasifshewerebeingputthroughsomekindofsubtleinitiation.

Whentheothershadgonedowntotheriverbanktowade,Mattleanedcasuallyonone
elbowandquietlyasked,"Areyouhavingagoodtime?"

"Yes.Theriverislovely,"Dannisaidandlookedoutoverthewater.

"I'mgladyou'reenjoyingtheriver.Whataboutthecompany?"

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"MissVerbenamakesexcellentconversation-"shestartedtogatherupthepicnicitems"-and
you're...okay,"sheteased.

Butinsteadofaretortorachuckle,therewasamomentofstrangelyuneasysilence,
accentuatedbythesoundoftheothersattheriver.FinallyMattsaid,"Iwasn'ttalkingabout
meandMissVerbena."

Dannistoppedfoldingthenapkinsinherhandsandturnedtohimwithapuzzledlook."What
areyoutalkingabout?"

Mattshrugged."Igetthefeelingyoudon'tcareformyfriends."

"Whywouldyousaythat?"Danniprotested,eventhough,truthbetold,shewas
uncomfortablewiththesepeople.She'devencaughtherselfwonderingwhatDr.Stone
wouldthinkofMattandhisbuddies.Diditshow?

"Gil'scrude-"Mattnoddedtowardthegroupdownbytheriver"-buthe'ssavedmyassmore
thanonce.He'sreallynotabadguy.AndTyisoneupstandingdude."Hestretchedouton
hisside,strokingMissVerbenaasifconsideringhis
nextwordscarefully.ThenhenarrowedhiseyesatDanniandhisvoicehadadefinitenoteof
challengeinit."Youknow,Doctor,you'rehangingoutwiththekindofguywholikestosit
withahotdogandabeerandwatchsportsoncableTVnightafternight."

"Idon'thaveanythingagainstpeopleeatinghotdogs,ordrinkingbeer,orwatchingsports
oncableTV,"Dannisaiddefensively.

"WhatImeanis,isthatkindofguygoodenoughforaladylikeyou?"

Shewascompletelyunpreparedforthisconversation."Idon'tknowwhatyoumean,"she
said,playingfortimetogatherherwits.

"Idon'tknowwhatyoumean,"heechoed."That'sjustthekindofanswerchickslikeyougive
duringaconfrontation."

Chickslikeme?Dannithought.Whereonearthdidthatcomefrom?Butshepassedoverit.
"Arewehavingaconfrontation?"sheasked.

"Maybeconfrontationisthewrongword.Gettingthecardsoutonthetable-callitwhatyou
like.Don'tactlikeyoudon'tknowwhatI'mtalkingabout."

"Whatareyoutalkingabout?"

"Look.Ilikeyou.AndIthinkyoulikeme.Butwe'redifferent.I'mtalkingaboutmylife.Thisis
it."Hespreadanarminawidecircle."Andcrudefriendsandbeeronablanketarethegood
parts.WhataboutwhenIcomehomewithsootandslobberalloverme?WhataboutifI
don'tcomehome?Whataboutsomenightwhenachieforachaplainshowsupatthehouse
inmyplace?Beinghookedupwitha
firemanisn'taseasyasyoumightthink."

"YouhavenoideawhatIthink,"Dannicountered,feelingsuddenirritationrise."I'madoctor,

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forcryingoutloud.Theveryonewhostitchedyouup."Whatwashegettingat?Talking
aboutachaplainandachiefandcominghomeornotcominghome.Whosehome?

"Exactly.You'readoctor.Usedtofinethingsandfinepeople.WherewouldIfitin?"But
beforeshecouldformananswer,Mattabruptlystood."Forgetit,"hesaidashestartedto
jamthingsbackintothepicnicbasket."Ishouldn'thavegottenintothis.I'mprobably
overreacting."

Danniwasspeechless.Overreactingtowhat?Thefactthatshe'dturneddownabeer?

HescoopedupMissVerbena."Ithinkshe'sthirsty,"hesaid,thenstrodedowntowardthe
river,carryingthedog.

Andfortheremainderoftheafternoon,MissVerbenabecamelikeanunfortunatechild
caughtbetweenfeudingparents.MattandDannitalked,eachinturn,tothelittledog,but
saidpreciousfewwordstooneanother.

Inthelongsilencesastheyfloatedondowntheriver,Dannikeptwonderingexactlywhat
he'dmeantbythephrase"hookedup."

AndMattkeptthinkingthathe'ddoneitagain:goneandturnedanotherclassywomanoff.


CHAPTERTWELVE

"SOMEONEHERETOSEEYOU,"CarolmumbledinDanni'sear.

"Who?"Dannilookedupfromherchartswithirritation,butCarolhadalreadyzippedback
aroundthecornerofthedictationbooth.What'sCarolactingsoweirdabout?Danni
wondered.

Sherolledthedeskchairawayfromthedoctors'counterandcranedhernecktolookdown
thehall.

Leaningagainstthenurses'counter,anddrawingalotofappreciativeglances,wasMatthew
Creed.Deckedoutincowboyhat,boots,snugjeans,acrispplaidshirtandthatone-of-a-
kindleatherjacket.

"Hi,"hegreetedbrightlyasDanniapproached,thensaid,"Excuseme,"toaflirtylittlenurse
whopressedupwithininchesofhimasshesqueezedherwayintothenurses'station.

"Matt.Whatareyoudoinghere?"Dannireacheduptopullherpapercapoff,thenthought
betterofitbecausehergrown-outhairprobablylookedlikeafrightwig.

"Iwentbyyourofficeandtheysaidyouwereoverheredeliveringababy.Isthisabadtime?"
"Thedelivery'sover."Danniglancedaroundher.Thenurses,labtechs,andwardclerksall
seemedintentlyabsorbedintheirpaperwork.Oneusuallycouldn'thearoneselfthinkinthis
placeandsuddenlyitwasasquietasamorgue.

"Couldwetalkaminute?"Mattasked.

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"Uh,sure.Let'sgogetacupofcoffee.Carol,I'monmypager."

ThebenevolentsmileCarolflashedherlookedlikesomethingstraightoffthefacesofWalt
Disney'sFlora,FaunaandMerriweather.

Pu-leez,Dannithought.Istherenosuchthingasprivacyinthisjoint?

Apparentlynot.Ontheirwaytotheelevator,Danniglancedbackdownthehall.Thewhole
crewwasstaringatMattlikerock-stargroupies.

TheystoppedatthesnackshopandgotacoffeeforMattandskim-milkhotchocolatefor
Danni.Thensheledthewayoutsidetothecentercourtyardofthehospital,awayfrom
pryingeyes.Theyfoundaconcretebench,outoftheNovemberwind,underalowwater
oak.

"Ihatetobugyouatwork-"Mattaimedhiscoffeecupatherpapercap"-butI'mgetting
readytopullathree-daystretchatthestation,andIdidn'twanttowaittoapologize."

"'Apologize'?"Dannipulledherlabcoattighterandsippedherhotchocolate.

"It'salittlechillyouthere,isn'tit?"Hemovedcloseagainstheronthebench,toblockthe
wind."Thatbetter?"heasked.

Danninodded.Boy,wasitbetter.Howcouldyougetturnedonjustsittingnextto
someone?Justbreathingthearomaofhisaftershave?

"Yeah.Apologize,"Mattcontinued."ForthewayIactedonSaturday.Ithoughtaboutitall
thenextday-"

"I'msorryIdidn'tansweryourpages,"Danniinterrupted."Sundaywasterrible.Three
deliveries.Onedifficult.Therereallywasn'ttime."Shesippedherhotchocolate.

"Iunderstand.IknowIhavetobeflexibleaboutyourjob.That'swhyI'mhere.Look.Letme
bestraightwithyou.I'mveryattractedtoyou.
ButI...IguessI'vegotsomeoldhang-ups.Yousee,IsworeI'dnevergetinvolvedwith
anotherwomanwhodidn'tacceptmeexactlyasIam-"

"Danni!Thereyouare!"RogerBryantwasstandingwithhisarmsspreadwideandhislab
coatflappinglike,someclownwho'djumpedoutfrombehindatreetrunk."I'vebeenlooking
foryoueverywhere."

"IssomethingwrongwithMrs.Reese?"Dannijumpedup,threwthesideofherlabcoatback
andcheckedherpager.

Bryanthelduphispalms."No,no.Nothing'swrong.Everythingupstairsisfine.Hi.Dr.Roger
Bryant."HeabruptlythrustouthishandatMatt,whoslowlystoodbesideDanni.

"MatthewCreed."MatttookBryant'shandinafirmhandshake."Wemetbefore-atDanni's
house."

"Oh,yeah.Thehandyman."HeturnedbacktoDanni."Stonewaslookingforyou,andguess

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what?HeagreedtoarrangehiscalendarsowecangototheCaribbean
together.How'sthatsound?Awholeweekinparadise?"

Foroneflashinginstant,Mattlookedasifhe'dbeengut-punched.Thenhesmiledand
backedupaspace."Well,listen.I'vetakenenoughofyourtimeatwork."Hetouchedthe
brimofhishatandturnedaway.

"Matt,wait-"Dannistartedafterhim,butBryantgrabbedherelbow."Comeon.Let'sgoget
thistripnaileddownbeforetheoldmanchangeshismind."

DanniwrenchedfreeofBryant'sgrasp."Matt!"shecriedoutagainjustashereachedthe
doortothecourtyard."Callme!"

Heturned."Youneveranswermypages,"hecalledback."Youknowmynumber."Thenhe
wasgone.

"NowYOU'RECOOKIN'"CarolgushedenthusiasticallywhenshecaughtDannialoneinher
officethatafternoon.

"Huh?"Dannisaiddistractedly,becausehermindwasonthepileoflabresultsinfrontof
her.

"Thefireman!You'vegothimcomingtothehospitaltofindyou!Waytogo,girl.Whatever
you'redoing,keepitup."

"Oh,forcryingoutloud!"Dannitossedthepapersasideandpushedbackinherdeskchair.
"Wouldyoupullyourrose-coloredglassesdownlongenoughtoseereality?I'vehardlygot
himchasingafterme.He'sstillinsistingthatIcallhim."

"Heis?"Carolseemeddisappointed.

"Well,after..."Dannishrugged."Thewholethingwasweird."

"Whatwholething?"Carolpressed.

"ThescenewithmeandMattandBryant.""Bryant?"

"Well,MattandIweresittingonabenchoutinthecourtyard,andthenBryantcameupand-
""Bryantshowedup?"

"Yeah.TotellmehearrangedtoattendtheACOGconventionwithmeonSt.Martin.""He's
goingtoSt.Martinwithyou?"

"Yeah."

"Hesaidthatinfrontofthefireman?""Yeah."

"Damn!"

"Whatdoyoumean,'damn'?"

"Well,how'dthefiremanactwhenBryantstartedtalkingaboutgoingtotheCaribbeanwith

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you?"

Dannifrowned,chewedtheendofherpen."Well,helookedfunnyforasecond...andthen
heleft."

"Don'tyousee?Youcan'tletmengetterritorialoveryouinfrontofeachother.Oneofthem
alwaysbacksoff,andit'susuallythedecentone."

"Territorial?Oh,Carol.Youaresofullofit.RogerBryantisn'tinterestedinmeromantically.
Thisisaprofessionalconvention."

"Youaredeaf,dumbandblind.WhydoyouthinkBryant'sarrangingthiscozylittletriptothe
Caribbean?Think.Yousaidyourselfhecommentedonyour-what'dyoucallit?"

"Hinder."Dannirolledhereyes."Amedicalterm."

Carolpointedather."Thisisnotajoke.Youwatchthatman.Beforeyoucameonboardat
HolyCross,hehadanaffairwithanurseandbrokeherheart,nearlykilledher.He'smaking
movesonyou,allright,andintheprocesshe'sapparentlychasingawayyourdecent
prospects."

"Prospects?Forcryingoutloud.YoumakeitsoundlikeI'mdiggingforgold.MattandIhave
justbarelybegundating.Andbesides,Iwonderabouthim.Hehadsomekindofbaddivorce-
"

"There'ssuchathingasagoodone?AndBryant'snotevendivorced,he'sonlyseparated-
forthemillionthtime."

"Iknowthat.Hetoldmeaboutit.FromwhatIhear,itsoundslikeit'sherfault."

"Aseparationisneveralloneparty'sfault."

"Whynot?Mymotheralwayssaidittakestwopeopletobuildamarriage,butonlyoneto
wreckit.Andbesides,Bryant'smarriageisn'tevenanissue.ThistriptoSt.Martinis
professional."DanniwavedapalmatCarol."Listen.I'vegottocallthesepatients.Don't
worry.RogerBryantandIarejustcolleagues-"

"Colleagues,schmalleagues.Markmywords.Bryantisuptosomething.Andit'sprobablyX-
rated."

Carolstartedtoleave,thenstoppedwithherhandpoisedonthedoorknob."You'dbetter
watchyourp'sandq'sintheCaribbean."

SOMETHING-VANITY?masochism?-droveDannibacktotheTressalonthedaybeforeshe
leftforSt.Martin.Shedidn'twanttogettoospecificaboutwhyshesubmittedtonotonlya
manicureandapedicure,butalsoalegwax,bikiniwaxandtotalbodyexfoliation.Shewasn't
tryingtobeattractiveforRogerBryant,thatwasforsure,butshedidn'twanttogotothe
Caribbeanlookingunattractive,either.

Thistimesheoptedforaquieter,moreconservativehairstylistnamedPatty,whosquinted
atDanni'shair,snappedherfingersandwenttowork.Afteraddingsomesofthighlights,she

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gatheredallthelayersinfrontintoapoofyupsweeptoppedbyasmallchignon,thenround-
brushedtherestofthehairtotumbleoverDanni'sshouldersinasleekpageboy.

Thestylewasdignified,butalsodramaticandfeminine.

"Iloveit!"Danniexclaimed."It'sprofessional,butalso..."

"Alluring?"Pattysuggested.

"Right,"Dannisaid.Andjustplainsexy.

ATLASTDANNIWASONthebeach-agloriousbeach-andforthefirsttimeinherentirelife
shedidn'tmindbeingseeninherbathingsuit.

Sheslatheredonplentyofsunscreen,plunkedonastrawhatandsunglasses,settleddown
onherbeachtowel,andopenedthethickromancenovelshe'dbeensavingforthistrip.

Ah!Bliss!Nowaitingroomfullofpregnantladies.NoirritableDr.Stone.Nofull-moon
madnessthismonth.Foronce,sheintendedtorelaxandenjoyherself.Sheadjustedher
foamheadrest,thenmadeaconsciousefforttolethershoulders,herhips,hercalvesand
herheelssettleintoherbeachtowelonthehotsand.

Itseemedasifshe'dbeenrelaxingforalloftwosecondswhenafamiliarmalevoicefrom
abovehersaid,"Hey,lady,wannaseemyscar?"

Danniloweredherbook,tippedherhatbrimup,thenplacedapalmoverherbreastbonelike
aheroineinaVictorianmelodrama."Matt?Wh-whatareyoudoinghere?"shestammeredas
shesquintedupathissilhouette.

Hewasshirtless,wearingloud,baggyswimtrunks,andshecouldseeherimageinhis
Gargoyles-thewraparoundmirroredsunglassesfavoredbyfiremenandcops.

Hesquatteddownandtookofftheglasses.Evenwiththetropicalsunbehindhim,shecould
seethathefeltself-conscious;hissmilewasalittlelopsided."Hi,"hesaid."Ijustcamedown
here..."Hisgoofysmiledissolved.Hesighedandturnedhishead,squintedoutattheocean.
"Thisisstupid,isn'tit?"hemumbled."ActinglikeI'mbumpingintoyouontheothersideof
theworld?"Heshruggedandlookeddownather."Totellyouthetruth,I'mnotrealsurewhy
Icamedownhere."

Dannidroppedthebookonherchest."Youdidn'tcomedownheretofindme,didyou?"

Matt'sfacegrewsolemn.Heshruggedagain,thennodded.

Danniwasstunned."YoumeanyouflewallthewaydowntoSt.MartinbecauseyouknewI
wasgoingtobehere?"

Henoddedagain.

"ButhowdidyouknowwhenIwascoming?"

Eventhoughhewasbacklitbythebrightsun,Dannicouldseethathisfacewasturningred.

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"Don'tbemadatJackie.Shesaidyou'dhavesometimeonyourhandswhileyouwerehere.
Isthatnottrue?AtfirstIthoughtyouwerecomingdownheretobewiththatBryantguy,
butJackietoldme-"

"Jackie!"

"Yeah.ShewashavingaburgerwithTyandme,andshestartedtalkingaboutthistrip-how
shewasgoingtogettheweekoffwhileyouweregoneandall-andI...well,IguessIgotthe
wrongideatheotherdayatthehospital.JackiesaidthisBryantguy'snothingtoyou,and-"

"Sincewhenhaveyouandmyhousekeepergottensochummy?"

"SinceIfixedherupwithTy."

"Oh,forcryingoutloud!"Danniwasfuriousnow,atallofthem.So,shefumed,Carolmust
havegonetoJackieandtoldheraboutthemisunderstandinginfrontofMattandthenthe
twoofthemcookedupthisdealandmanipulatedMattintofollowingherdownhere.Danni
supposedonsomelevelsheshouldbeflattered.Intruth,shewasembarrassed.

"Pleasedon'tbemadatJackie."Heleanedtowardher."Itwasmyideatoflydownhere.I
thoughtwecould,youknow,dosomestufftogether,havefun."

Dannistaredathim."Thisisamedicalmeeting!Ihaveaseminartoattend."

Mattlookeddownatherinhermodestbathingsuit."Alwayssoserious.ButIsawyouhaving
drinkslastnight."

NowDannifeltherselfblush.Whenshe'dconsentedtodrinkswithBryantshe'dbeenmerely
socializingwithacolleague.Thatwasbesidethepoint.WhatMatthaddone-followedherto
theCaribbean-wastheissuehere.

Sheproppedherselfuponherelbows."Youwatchedmehavingdrinkslastnight?"

"Don'tmakeitsoundlikeI'msomekindofstalker,orsomething,"Mattprotested."Iwasjust
waitingformychancetotalktoyouwithoutDr.Blondiearound."

"YoufollowedmetotheCaribbeanandyou'vebeenwatchingme?"Danniaccused."Ihave
halfamindtocallthepolice."

"Andtellthemwhat?I'mjustaguyonvacation.Thisisatinyisland,andit'splausiblethat
we'drunintoeachotherifwe'rebothonit.Ihavetherighttocomedownforavacation,
don'tI?Isn'tthatguymarried?"heaskedabruptly.

"What?"ButDanni'scheeksflamed.

"Jackiesaidhe'sstillmarried.Listen,aguylikethat'snogoodforyou.Evenifheisahigh-
and-mightydoctor.Ifhewereabigboy,he'dgetadivorcebeforehestartedmessingwith
you."Heroseonhisknees,swayedandplacedhishandonhischestashisvoicegotlouder.
"Youdeservesomebodydecentandhonest...likeme."

Dannisatupandstartedthrowinghersuntanlotion,romancenovelandsunglassescase

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intohertote.

"Wait,"Mattimploredwithanoutstretchedhand."Iwaskidding-Imean,thisisgettingall
screwedup.Nowyou'remadatme,whenthewholereasonIcamedownherewastobe
withyou."

Dannilookedaround.Nearbysunbatherswerepeeringovertheirsunglassesatthem."Come
on,"Mattcontinued,heedless."I'msickofplayin'games.Youknow,allthat`Give-me-a-call
sometime'business.Thetruthis,I'mcrazyaboutyou!"

Hewaspracticallyshoutingnow.Whathadhappenedtothecalm,coolfirefighterwiththe
controlledmonotone?

"Iusedallmyvacationtime,nottomentionallmymoney,toflyallthewaydownhere,just
tobewithyou!That'sallIcareabout-beingwithyou."Hethrewhimselfforwardonhispalms
sothathisfacewasonlyinchesfromhers.

Thesmellofbeeronhisbreathconvincedher.Hewastipsy.Dannijumpedtoherfeet,
snatchedupherbeachblanket,flippingsandonMatt.Shewhirledaway,thenswungback
towardhim."I'mnotonvacation,here,"shesaid."ThisisaprofessionalconferenceandI
haveworktodo.Soyoustayawayfromme."Asanafterthoughtsheadded,"Ihopeyou
enjoyyourholiday."

Thensheturnedandmarchedupthebeachasfastasherlegscouldpumpherflip-flops
againsttheslidingsand.

SHEHADBEENBACKINHERroomlongenoughtoshowerwhentwobatchesofflowers
arrived-onefromRoger,onefromMatt.

Roger'scardread:"Tomygorgeouscolleague.Dinneragain?"

Matt'ssaid:"SorryIactedlikeajerk.Letmemakeituptoyoutonight."

Dannisankdownonthebed,staringindisbeliefatthecardineachhand,marvelingathow
muchherlifehadchanged.Amazing.Threemonthsagoshe'dthoughtshecouldn'tgeta
mantoevenlookather,andnowtwoverygoodlookingmenweresendingherflowers.In
theCaribbean,noless.Amazing.

Thetroublewas,Rogermadeher...illatease,andshewasmadatMatt.

WhatareyougoingtodoaboutMatthewCreed?shechallengedherself.
Isn'titalittlepushytopumpyourhousekeeperforinformationandthenfollowyoutoSt.
Martin?Butthenshethoughtaboutwhathe'dsaid,tipsyornot.I'mcrazyaboutyou.No
manhadeversaidwordslikethattoDanniGood-love.

Intheend,shedecidedtogetdressedandgoouttodinneralone.Afterthat,she'dtakea
mind-clearing,soul-searchingstrollonthebeachinfrontofthehotel.Alone.

Thenshenoticedthatthemessagelightonherphonewasblinking.Shedialedforvoice
mail.Thereweretwomessages.Thefirstone,Bryant'svoice,said:"Iknowaperfectplace

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toeat.Bereadyatseven."

Well,heck.Nothingtothinkaboutthere.Merelyobeythedoctor'sorders.Dannisupposed
somewomenwouldenjoythissetup.Shedidnot.

ThesecondmessagewasMatt'svoice,soundingsobernow."Danni...Iwanttoshowyou
somethingbeautiful,ifyou'llletme.Wehavetimefordinnerfirst.Howaboutit?I'minroom
334.Callme.Please."

Callme.Callme.WithMattitwasalways"Callme,"evenwhenhe'dalreadymadeafoolof
himself-andher-onthebeach.Shedecidedtostickwithhersolitaryplans.Shethrewona
brightyellow-floweredsundressandstrappysandals,twistedthefronthalfofherhairupthe
waythehairdresserhad,thenfluffedtherestintowildwaves.Shebrushedonminimal
makeup-she'dgottentoomuchsunanyway-splashedonherhigh-dollarperfume,grabbed
herpurseandwasoutthedoor,feelingfine,justbeforeseveno'clock.

Whentheelevatorattheendofherhallwaydingedandthedoorslidopen,therestood
Matt-inoneofhisfire-departmentT-shirts,baggyorangetropical-printswimtrunks,flip-flops,
astrawhat,andthereflectivesunglasses.Wearingapileofleisaroundhisneckandholding
twotumblersofbrightyellowliquidwith
littleumbrellasstuckinthem.

"Whoa!Lookithere,"hesaidashesteppedofftheelevatorandgaveDannitheonce-over.
"Aren'tyougorgeous!"

Dannieyedhishideousgetupandsaiddryly,"Isthisthe'somethingbeautiful'youwantedto
showme?"

Mattthrewhisheadbackandlaughed."Ihopethatmeansyou'renotstillmadatmeforthe
wayIactedonthebeach,"hereplied.

"Depends."Dannicouldn'thelpbutgrin.

Heshovedoneofthedrinksather."Here.Peaceoffering.Butsipitslowly.Thefreedrinks
inthisplace'llkillya.Takemywordforit.Ienjoyedafewtoomanythisafternoon."He
lookedcontrite."Sowillyougowithmetonight?"

"WillIbetakingmylifeinmyhands?"

"Ipromiseyouwon'tbetakingyourlifeinyourhands."Heturnedandpunchedtheelevator
button."Notaslongasyoucanswimfasterthanashark."Heturnedbacktoherand
winked."Andletmetakecareoftheflames-"Hesteppedbackandfrowneddownather
feet."But,ooh...Thosesandalswillneverdoonthebedofhotcoals.Nevermind.I'llcarry
you."Hesmiled."Seriously,I'mnotdriving.I'vegotalovelycabwaitingoutfront."

Shetookasipofthedrink,whichwassostrongitopenedhersinuses."Okay.Whereto,
HulaBoy?"

"Isn'titobvious?We'reonanislandwiththirty-sevenwhite-sandbeaches."

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MATTHADCHOSENADESERTEDshoreonthenorthwestsideoftheisland.Herethe
sandwascoarser,thevegetationdenser,thehotelsfartheraway.Inthetrunkofthecab,he
hadstashedfood,alargebeachblanket,andmoreofthoseyellowdrinksinastoppered
carafe.

Hetookherhandandpulledherfromthecab."Lookatthatsunset."Hesweptanarmout
towardthesea,thenturnedtoherprofile.Inherperipheralvisionshecouldseehisdazzling
smile."Iliedaboutthesharks."Whensheturnedtofacehimhetookoffoneoftheleisand
slippeditgentlyaroundherneck,lettingthebacksofhisfingersgrazehercollarbones.He
swallowed.

Dannididn'tknowifitwasthetropicaldrinkshe'dsippedinthecabonthewayover,orthe
breathtakingamber-tintedbeautysurroundingher,ormaybeitwassimplythisman,butshe
wassuddenlyovercomewiththestrangestsensation-asifthetwoofthemwereallaloneon
theplanet,asifnooneelseintheworldmatteredorevenexisted.Thelightseemedsurreal.

Neitherofthemlookedatthesunsetnow;theylookedsteadilyateachother.Andfora
moment,shethoughthewasgoingtokissher."I'dbetterpaythecabbie,"hesaidwithout
takinghisgazefromhermouth.

"Yes,"shewhispered.

Hesteppedawayandasshestaredoutatthecoralsunset,sheoverheardhimgiving
instructionstothecabdrivertocomebackintwohours,andthenthecabbie'seffusive
thanksforwhatmusthavebeenageneroustip.

EverythingseemedtoslowdowntomatchthetimingofthegentlysinkingsunasMatt
spreadtheblanket,laidoutthefood,andthetwoofthemtalkedandjokedwhiletheyate
themealanddranktillthecarafewasemptiedtothelastdrop.

Afterthesunhaddisappearedintoahazylineontherimoftheocean,themoonrose,full
andmilky,andtheyfellsilent,asifspellboundbyitsmagic.Theonlysoundwasofwaves
washingthebeachinasteadyrhythm.

Theyweresittingsidebysideontheblanket,andMattturnedtowardher,leaningonone
arm,withonekneehitchedupandtheotherarmdrapedcasuallyoverit.Hisotherknee
grazedherthigh."Thatmoon,"hesaidquietly,"sortofmakesaperson...feelthings."

Heleanedcloserandinstantly,Dannifelttheheatofresponseinhercheeks,inherbreasts.

Sheraisedherlegsandfoldedherskirtaroundherankles,huggingherkneestoherchest.
"Actually,Ihaveasomewhatadversarialrelationshipwiththemoon,"sheanswered.

"Ohyeah?"Mattmovedevencloser-socloseshecouldfeelhiswarmbreathonherbare
shoulder.

"Yeah.Somepeoplethinkthefullmoonstimulatespregnantwomentogointolabor."She
bravedalookintohisshadowedeyes."Soyousee,thefullmoonmakesmejittery."

HeraisedhishandandcaressedDanni'scheekwiththebacksofhisfingers."Just'jittery'?

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Doesn'titalsomakeyouwantto...kisssomebodysometimes?"

Heslidhisfingersdowntocaresshershouldersoftly,waitingforherreply.ButDanni
couldn'tanswer;shecouldhardlybreathe.

Heleanedforward,tiltedherchinupandlookedintohereyesforaheartbeat,thenbrought
hismouthdownonhers.

Whenhedid,itwasasifastormsuddenlygrippedthequietbeach.Justasontheother
occasionswhentheirmouthshadmet,somethingbeyondmerechemistryseemedtotake
place-somethingsowildandelectricandcompellingthatDanniwasfearfulofitspower.

Butonlyoneofthemfullyunderstoodhowtrulyrareandpotentthatresponsewas.Inthat
firstinstantofcontact,itwasMattwhoagainrealized-asclearlyasifthewordswere
emblazonedonthenightsky-Hereismymatch,mymate.Hepressedhismouthtohersina
devouringmotion,wantingonlytoconsumeandconsume;tobejoinedwithherforever.

Dannireleasedherkneesandslidherarmsaroundhisneckandhecrushedheragainsthis
chestwithsuddenfierceness.Achargerantheentirelengthofherbody,asshefeltherself
becomingfusedtohimbysomethingfardeeperthanlust.

Matteasedherbackward,asheexploredhersoftandsensuousmouthwithhis.Thethings
hewantedtodowithher...Thethingshewantedtodotoher...

Inhismassivearms,sheseemedasfragileasaballerina.Herbodyfeltliketheidealblendof
delicateslendernessandachingfullness.Hestretchedoutoverher,ascloseashecould
get,andhemarveledattheirperfectfit.

Sherespondedtohimwithherwholebody,inamotionthatfelttohimstrangelyparadoxical:
softandsubmissive,yetatthesametimeassavageandurgentashisownreaction.

"Danni,"hesaidhoarsely."Iswear,I'veneverfeltlikethiswithanyotherwoman."Thenhe
kissedheragain-fiercely,consumingly-ashemovedhishandsupanddownthelengthofher.

InDanni'smindshecouldalmostseethem,asifshewerethemoon,watchingfromabove.
Hisdarkheadagainsthers.Histannedbodyagainstherlighterone.Likeloversina
romanticmovieonadesertedmoonlitbeach.Andeverythingwasperfect,perfect.Except
Danniwrenchedhermouthfromhis."Ican'tdothis!"shecried,pushingathisbindingarms,
hisexploringhands.

"Whynot?"Heloosenedhishold.

Sheturnedherfaceawayfromhim,andherheadswamforamoment.Yourtimingisgreat,
Danielle.Waituntilyou'realoneonamoonlitbeachandyourbrainisabouthalf-pickled,then
decidetoexplainyourmoraltenetstotheman."I...Ipromisedmyselflongago.I...Iwouldn't
dothiswithamanuntilwe're...committedtoeachother."

Mattrolledawayfromher,proppedhiselbowsonraisedknees,ranhishandsthroughhis
thickhair.Inthemoonlight,shecouldplainlyseethefrontofhisneonswimtrunks,poled
intoatent.Thesightmadeherbothfearfulandguilty.Whathadshedone?

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"I'msorry."Shelaidaplacatingpalmonhismassiveshoulder.

"Don'tapologize,"hesaid,staringoutatthewaves."Iadmireawomanwithhighstandards.
Butifyou'retalkingaboutmarriage..."Helookedawaybeforecontinuing."It'sjustthatI
promisedmyselfafterCarlathatI'dnevergetmarriedagain."

"Carla?"

"Myex-wife."HegaveDanniapenetratinglook."ButIdon'tthinkIeverreallylovedher."His
eyesnarrowedashestudiedherface."Idon'tthinkIknewwhatreallovefeltlike."

Dannilookeddown."Andyouthinkyouknowwhatitfeelslikenow?"

"IknowIdo."

Danniputhertremblingfingerstoherlips,feltherselfwantingtogiveintohim,feltherself
wantingtosay"Iloveyou,"too.Butdidshelovehim?Sheknewsolittleaboutlove,about
men.

Hethrewhisarmsup,letthemflopbackdowntohissidesontheblanketandheaveda
theatricalsigh."Well,somuchforstupidpromises.Let'sgo."HejumpedupandpulledDanni
toherfeet.

"Gowhere?"

"Backdownisland."Hegrabbedtheblanket,gaveitonepowerfulshake,androlleditintoa
ball."Wait."Hestopped,benthisheadandcheckedhissportswatchbythemoonlight.The
cabbiewon'tbebackfor...thirtyminutes.Well-"hesmiledbroadly,hiswhiteteethflashingin
themoonlight"-Iguessthatgivesusplentyoftimeforacourtship."Heshooktheblanket
backout,lettingitfloattothesandlikeaparachute.

"Courtship?Andgowhere?"Dannirepeated."Togetmarried."Hedroppedtohiskneeson
theblanketandofferedhisfingertipstoher."Married?"

"Yeah."Heloweredhishand,swayedslightly,sankbackonhisheels."Ifthat'swhatyou
want,I'mgame.It'swhatyouwant,isn'tit?"

"IhavenoearthlyideawhatIwant."Sheshookherhead,tryingtoclearitoftheeffectsof
thepowerfuldrink.

Hetookherbythewaistandguidedherdowntoherkneesinfrontofhim,thenpulledher
tightlyagainsthimandclaimedhermouthwithamind-numbingkiss.

Whenheliftedhisheadhesaid,"I'lltellyouonething,sweetheart.Yourbodyknowswhatit
wants."


CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

MATT'SIDEAOF"courtship"wasahands-onexperience,lacedwithcommentslike,"Ilove
you.Icansaythatnow,can'tI?Nowthatwe'regettingmarried?"and,"Howmanykidsdo

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youwant?Sixoreight?"

Somewhereinhertipsymind,Dannidecidedthiswasallawackygame-awild,fabulous,
Caribbeangame-untilsheheardMattactuallyaskingthecabbiewheretheycouldgetaquick
marriageperformed.Astrangemixedthrillpartfear,partabandon-dartedthroughher.

"Oh,youwantdeMarriageMan,"thecabbiecalledovertheseatcheerfully."Wewakehim
up.Hedothisalldetime.Alldetime."

Theplacewassmall-crackedadobe,arealhole.Mattkeptusingwordslike,"quaint,"and
"humble,"asthecabcametoabumpyhaltonthedirtroad.Marriageswasscrawledinblack
charcoalonacardboardsignproppedinahibiscusbush.

"Thering!"Mattswayedwhenhegotoutofthecabandslappedhisforehead.

"Hegot'em!Hegot'em!"thecabbiesaidandwavedMattandDannitowardthecottage.
Mattthrewsomemoneyatthegrinningcabbie,tellinghimtowait,andDannirealizedthis
definitelywasn'tgoingtobeanopulent-orlengthy-ceremony.

Themarriagemanhadrings,allright.Ahugeselection.Dannicouldtelltheyweren'texactly
Tiffanyqualitybuttoherslightlyunfocusedeyes,theyseemedcute.Asdidtheplastic
flowersandtherecordedmusic.

Mattpickedaring-aFlorentinethingwithaheartatthecenter-andslippedsomecashtothe
MarriageMan.

The"ceremony"began.TheMarriageManspokequicklyandwithoutmuchexpression.But
somewhereinthemiddleofit,thewholethingturnedstrangelysolemn.

Dannionlyhadtimeforafleetingthoughtthatoneshouldn'tmakevowsundertheinfluence
ofalcohol,beforeMatt-suddenlyappearingsober-begansayinghis.

"I,Matt-"helookeddeepintohereyes"-takethee,Danni,asmylawfulweddedwife-"he
continuedinaquiet,solemnvoice"-tohaveandtohold,forricherorpoorer,insicknessand
inhealth,untildeathdouspart."

Heslippedtheringonherfinger,andDannirealizedhishandswereshaking.

WhentheylefttheMarriageMan,Matttoldthecabbietostopsohecouldbuyanother
carafeofyellowdrinks,thenhekeptherso"busy"inthebackseatthatDannididn'teven
realizewherethey'dendedupuntilshefeltthesandslippingunderhersandalsasMatt
helpedheroutofthecab.Thesamebeach.

SheheardMatttellingthecabbienottocomebackuntilhecalledonthecellphone.What
cellphone?Danniwonderedfleetingly,butbynowshewasfarbeyondthinkingclearly.I'min
myhusband'scapablehands,shethought,gigglingatherowndoubleentendre.Thenshe
soberedbrieflyasshestudiedhisback.Husband.Wasthisanywaytogetone?

Themoonhadrisenhighernow,nearingitsmidnightzenith,anditlookedfirmer,more
permanent,intheink-blacksky.

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Matttookherhandandledhertotheexactspotwheretheyhadbeenbefore.Thetrees
seemedtaller,moresheltering,withthemoonshininglikeaspotlightdirectlyoverthedark
cove.

Somehowtheywerebothontheblanketandashestartedtokissherneckandslipthe
strapsofherdressoffhershoulders,itdawnedonDannithatthistimeMattmeant
business.Shewasgoingtogiveherselftohim-righthere,rightnow.

"Thiswillbesobeautiful,Mrs.Creed,"hemurmured.He'dbeencallingherthat-Mrs.Creed-
eversincethey'dlefttheMarriageMan'shouse.Toheritsoundedforeign,exotic,butatthe
sametimewondrousandreal.

Hetrailedhisfingertips,thenhislips,overherbareshouldersandupperbreasts,andchills
brokeoutalloverDanni.

"Oh,Matt,"shewhispered."Nomanhaseveraffectedmelikethis."Shestretchedherbody
againsthis,tensewithpassion."Isthishowitalwaysfeels?"

Matt'sanswerwasthroaty,passionate:"Onlyifyou'relucky."Andrightthroughhersundress
hefastenedhismouthoverhernipple.

Danni'sreactionwassofierceitmadeherearsring.Asifdrivenbyaforceoutsideherself,
herbodyarcheduptohim,andhe,inturn,tookeverythingsheoffered.

Afterhe'dworkedthesundressdowncompletelyhetiltedhisshoulderbacksothatthe
moonilluminatedher.Helookedherupanddownfromeyestobreaststohipsandthen
backagain,andgentlystrokedherhairawayfromherforehead.

"Oh,Danni,everyinchofyouissoincrediblybeautiful,"hewhispered.

ForDanni,theattentionhelavishedonherbodywithhiseyes,hishands,hismouth,was
beyondanythingshehadeverimagined.Thiswaswhatlovemakingwassupposedtobelike.
So...completelyeuphoric.

Everylook,everykiss,everyfirm,boldtouchmadehermoreready,morehis.Andeachtime
heraisedherbodytoanewlevelofpleasure,hewouldbringhismouthbacktohersbriefly,
andkissherinsilentcommunication.

Dannifeltasifshehadbeenwaitingforthisallofherlife.

Finally,hebrokeoffanexcruciatinglydeepkissandastheirbreathsmingled,heseemedto
beaskinganurgentquestionwithhiseyes.

Shemethisgaze,withtotalpassionandinvitation.

"Matt...makelovetome...please,"shemanagedtowhisper.

"Oh,Danni."Heswallowedanddrewhertohim,kissedhertemplesoftlyandbriefly,witha
tremorofrestraineddesire.

"Yes,"Dannimurmured,wantinghimmorethanshehadeverwantedanythinginherlife.

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Herolledontopofherandwithinseconds,herealizedsomethingwaswrong.

"Danni-"Hepulledback,touchedhergentlywherehehadtriedtoenter."Thisisn't-Itisn't
yourfirsttime,isit?"

Danniclosedhereyes.Shewassoovercomebysomanythingsatonce-desire,shame,the
wayhewascaressingher-thatshecouldn'tspeak.Shetriedtopullawayfromhim,her
thoughtsswimmingagainstanintoxicating,confusingtideofemotions.

Butheheldhertightly."Lookatme,"hesaid.

Whyhadn'tshefoundawaytotellhimbeforethis?Rationally.Shecouldhavemadea
simpleannouncement:"Whenwefinallydoit,Matthew,IwantyoutobeawarethatIhave
hadonlyoneotherrelationship,andnotaverysatisfactoryone.Asforthepsychology
behindbeingthirty-threeyearsoldandsoinexperienced,pleasedon'task."

Sheclosedhereyes,letthewordsoutinarush.

"I'mjustalittletense.I'mnotveryexperienced."

Sheopenedhereyesandinthemoonlight,shealltooclearlysawthestunneddisbeliefon
hisfaceandturnedherheadawayfromit."I'mnotavirgin,ifthat'swhatyou'rethinking."
Shesaidthistothemoonoverhisshoulder."Ihadarelationshipincollege.ButI-"

Hetookherchinandguidedherfacebacktowardhis,thenplacedalightkissonhermouth.
Bytheguardedfeelofhislips,shecouldtellthatherunhappyrevelationhadunsettledhim.

"Maybeitwastheguy,"heofferedhopefully.

Thatwouldbesoeasy.TolayitallonpoorWesley."Idon'tknow,"shesaidtruthfully.

Heinchedalittleapartfromher,proppedhimselfaboveherononeelbow,andheldherwaist
tenderlywithhisotherhand."Howdoyoufeelnow?"heaskedgently,thenrubbedathumb
justbelowhernavel,reassuringly,whilehewaitedforheranswer.

Danniwasafraidtotellhimthetruth-howterrifiedshehadbeenalltheseyears;howterrified
shesuddenlyfeltnow.

Hereacheddownforherdress,tuckeditaroundhernakedbreastsandhips,thenlaidhis
palmonherlowerabdomenprotectively."Sometimestalkinghelps.It'sallright,youknow.I'd
justliketoknowwhyyouseemsoupset-ifyoucantellme."

"It's-"shebegan,thenfaltered."It'snothingtodowithmen.Butafterthatrelationship,I
promisedmyselfthatIwouldneverhavesexagainuntilIwasmarriedtotherightman."

Heranapalmoverhisface,absorbingthis:therightman."Isee."Hethoughtbacktohow
she'dreactedthefirsttimehe'dkissedherinherbedroom.Nowhereshewasonabeach
withadrunkfireman.Wasthattherightman?

"Letmegetthisstraight."Hesighed."Youwantedtobemarriedfirstbecause-"

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"Ijustdid.Okay?"Dannithrewanarmoverhereyes.

Hedrewthearmdown,kissedherfingertips.Didshehaveanyideahowbeautifulshewas?

"Okay,"hesaidgently."AndIthink,underthecircumstances,weoughttogoalittleslower-a
lotslower."Hestrokedhercheek,herneck,andthen,eversolightly,themoundsofher
breasts."Intimacytakestime,especiallywhenit'snewtoyou."Throughthefabric,hegently
caressedher."Especiallyifyou'reafraid."

Dannihadclosedhereyesagain,andnowtearsseepedout-tearsthattoldhimhowafraid
shereallywas.

Mattwastroubled,andsuddenlysober,asherealizedtherewasmuchhedidn'tknowabout
thiswomanhehadjustmarried."Hey,"hesaidsoftlyandslidhishandaway,toherwaist-a
lessthreateningplace."It'sokay.Wedon'tevenhavetodoanything."Thenhesmiled,
wantingnothingexcepttoalleviateherdistress."Afterall,nowwehaveourwholelives
aheadofus."

"Oh,God.Don't-"Dannichokedoffherwords.

"Don'twhat?"Hisvoicewasincrediblysincere,incrediblytender.

"Don'thumormewiththatmarriagetalk.IknowIseem...weirdtoyou."

"No,youdon't.Youarewhatyouare.Andrightnow,Iwouldn'tchangea
thing.You'reawarmperson,agoodperson.Andeverythingwillbeokay."

Shelookedathim,butcouldn'tmakeouthisexpressionclearly;themoonwasbehindhim.
"Areyoualwayssounderstandingabouteverything?"

"I'vehadtoacceptsomeprettyhardrealitiesinmytime.Itdoesn'tdoanygoodtopretend,
doesit?"

SomethingaboutthesimplewayhesaidthatundidDanni,undidthelastofherdefenses.
Thetearscamebubblingupwithforcenow,likeatorrentofhotlava.Shecoveredherface
withherpalmsandsobbed.Hereshewas,onamoonlitbeachabouttohavesexwitha
gorgeousmaleandshewascrying-cryingasshehadnotletherselfcrysincethedayLisa
haddied.Bitter,bittertears.HemustthinkI'mcrazy,shethought.

Hedrewherhandsawayandkissedherpalms."Whydon'tyoujusttellmeaboutit?"he
said,andpulledupacornerofherdresstodryhercheeks.

"Canyouunderstandlosingsomeone-someoneyou'rereallycloseto-andfeelinglikeyou'll
nevergetoverit?"sheasked.

Henodded."Isthattheproblem?Didyougethurtonce?"

ButasmuchasDanniwantedtotellhim,shefoundshecouldn'tbringherselftosaymore.
Suddenlytherewasonlyonethingshewantedfromhim.Onlyonethingthatshethought
mighthealher,freeher."Matt,"shewhispered,swipingattears,"pleasejustmakeloveto
me,okay?""Isthatwhatyoureallywant?"

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Danninodded.

"Okay.We'llgoslow."

Hisvoicesoundedthickandshaky.Ashestartedcaressingheragain,sheherselfcouldn't
seemtofocusonanythingbesidestheoverwhelmingfeeloftheman,thesmellofhim,the
warmthofhimashecoveredherbodywithhis.

Hegentlykissedherlipswhilehepressedhiswarmpalmoverherbreast,andshepushed
awaythelittlevoicethatwarnedhernottosuccumb.Couldn'tshejustallowthis?herbody
seemedtoimploreher.Didn'tshedeserveonenightlikethisinherlonelylife?Afterall,she
wasthirty-threeyearsold.Wasn'titabouttime?

Andso,thatnight,DanniGoodbyedecidedtoforgetherlifetimeofpainandlonelinessand
allowMatthewCreedtosweepherawaywithhispassion.

Mattfelthermouthsoftenunderhis,loosening,imploring.Godhelphim,heknewnowthat
helovedthiswoman.Andhecouldnomorestophisownurgentresponsesthanhecould
stopthetidesfromrespondingtothepullofthemoon.


CHAPTERFOURTEEN

THENEXTDAY,DANNIKNEWshe'dmadeahorriblemistake.Shealmostscreamedwhen
shewokeupandfoundherselfpinnedtoherhotel-roombedbyMatt'smassivearm.Hewas
snoringsoftly,rightnexttoherear.

Shetickledhisnoseandwhenhegruntedandraisedhishandtorubatit,sheslippedout
fromunderhim.Hefloppedoverandsnoredon.

Shedashedtotheshowerandstoodunderthesprayofthehottestwatershecouldbear.
Whathadshedone?Oh,God,whathadshedone?

Allthemusclesofherbody-musclesshedidn'tknowshe'dusedlastnight-weresore.What
hadtheydone?Herheadfeltlargeandfragileandherthroatwasasdryassandpaper.She
puthermouthunderthehottorrentandrinsed.Oh,whathadshedone?

Whensheturnedoffthewater,shethoughtsheheardsomeonepoundingatthesuitedoor.
Shequicklywrappedherselfinatowelandpeekedoutofthebathroom.

IntheouterroomshesawMatt,wearingnothingbutherbeachtowelaroundhiswaist,
headingtowardthesuitedoor.Beforeshecouldyell"No!"he'djerkeditopen.

FramedinthedoorwaystoodRogerBryant,wearingacrispnautical-crestednavyblue
blazerandwhiteslacks-andalookofundisguisedrevulsiononhisface.

"What'reyoudoinghere?"Bryantdemanded.

"Iwasjustabouttoaskyouthesamething,"Mattsaid,andstraightenedtohisfullheight.

"IcametoescortDr.Goodlovedowntobreakfastandthentothismorning'sseminar."

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BryantgaveMattanacidlook.

"She'sbusyrightnow."Mattreachedtoclosethedoor.

Danniinchedthebathroomdoorshut,coweredbehindit,andbitherknuckles.Damn!Now
everyoneatthehospital-evenStone?-wouldknowwhatshe'dbeenuptoattheconference.
Oh,whathadshedone?

"I'dliketospeaktoDr.Goodlovepersonally,"sheheardBryantsaying.

ShepeekedoutagainandsawthatBryanthadhishandonthedoor,preventingMattfrom
closingit.

"Well,shecan'ttalktoyourightnow.ButI'lltellheryoucameby."Mattgavethedoora
shove.

Bryantpushedback."Listen,Isawyoulastnightwithyourstupidgetupandyourjugof
hooch-"HegaveMatt'sappearanceadisdainfulassessment,butMattonlyreturnedthe
favor,givingBryant'sblazerafrowningonce-overasifitwereapinktutu.

"IdemandtoseeDr.Goodlove."BryanttriedtoshovehiswayaroundMatt,butMatt
shovedback,sendingBryantoutintothehallway.

"No,youlisten,"Mattsaid,whileBryantsmoothedhisfinehairbackinplace."Itjustso
happens,Dr.GoodloveandIare-"

"Matt!"Dannishriekedandflewoutofthebathroom,towelandall."I...We...Idon'towe
anyoneanexplanationofmyprivatelife."Shewalkedforwardwithasmuchdignityasshe
couldmusterinatowel,hidhertorsobehindthedoorandsaid,"Roger,I'msorry.Ican't
comedowntotheseminarrightnow.Pleaseexcuseus."SheclosedthedoorinBryant's
stunnedface.

ShewhirledonMattimmediately."Donotgoaroundtellingpeoplewe'remarried!"

"Whynot?Wesureashellaremarried."

Dannithrewherhandsup,feelingasifshemightburstintotears.Thiswasabsolutelynot
howshe'deverimaginedhermarriedlifewouldbegin."Because...becauseIworkwiththese
people,andIhavetomaintaintheimageofacompetentphysician.Ican'thaveeverybody
thinkingI'msomeidiotbroadwho'drunofftotheCaribbeanandgetmarriedonadrunken
whim!"Sheturnedawayfromhimandcoveredherfaceandactuallydidburstintotears,
whichinfuriatedher.Whywasshealwayscryingaroundthisman?

Mattcameupbehindherandgentlygraspedhershakingshoulders."Danni,sweetheart."He
squeezed."Youareanythingbutanidiotbroad.Andhey-"heturnedhertohim"-wedidnot
getmarriedonadrunkenwhim."

"Ofcoursewedid,"shesobbed,andwipedathercheekswithtremblingfingers.

"Okay,maybewewerealittlestewed,butI,forone,meantitwhenIsaidthosevows."

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"Iwasdrunk!"shewhined,wipingatmoretears.

"Okay.Maybeyouwere.Butyou'renotdrunknow.Howdoyoufeelnow?Canyouhonestly
tellmeyou'resorryabouteverythingthathappenedlastnight?Huh?"

Hebenthisheadandtriedtolookintoherface.Dannisniffed.Thenhestraightenedand
pulledhertightlytohim.Canyouhonestlytellmeyoudon'twantthattohappenagain?"He
feltherbodysinkintohis.

"That'swhatIthought.Comeon.Don'tcry."Heleanedbackandreachedtohercleavage,
pulledoutthecornerofhertowelandraisedittodabathercheeks.Thetowelcameloose
andslippedaway.

Grinning,hesaid,"Oops,"andtosseditaside,wrappinghisarmsbackaroundheragainand
cuppingherbarebottominhishands."Listentome.Wedidnotgetmarriedonawhim.The
truthis,I'vewantedyousincethefirsttimewekissed."Helookedintohereyesinnocently
asheunfastenedhisowntowel.Then,asiftheyweren'tstandingtherestarknakedandhe
wasn'tpressingagainsther,hekepttalking."Doyourememberthattinylittlekissinyour
bedroom?"

Dannisniffedagainandnodded.Thenshegiggled,becausesofar,therehadn'tbeensucha
thingasa"tinylittlekiss"betweenthem.Buthegaveheronenow."Justonetinylittlekiss,"
hemurmuredasheranhismouthoverherjawandstartednibblingherear."AndIknewI
wantedyoutobeallmine."Hepulledherpelvisuptohisinonesharpthrust.

Dannigaspedattheimpact.

"Don'tyouwanttobemarriedtome-"hewhisperedwhilehenibbleddownherneck"-sowe
candothisallthetime?"

Shenodded-notactuallyatthequestion,butmoreatthenibbling,attherhythmofhiships.
Hertearswerenowcompletelydry,herskinfelthot,andherbreathingwasgettingrapidfor
anotherreason.

"Well,thereyougo,littlelady.AndIwantedtodothisfromtheveryminuteIsawyou."He
wastalkinginanexaggeratedOkieaccent.Heleanedbackandstaredopenlyatherbreasts.
"AndthatwasbeforeI'devengottenay-quaintedwithyoreconsiderablecharms."

"Stopit!"Sheslappedhisbicepswithoutthinking.

"Ouch!Ooh!"Hemoanedandgrabbedhisshoulder,thendoubledoverdramatically."Shehit
medirectlyonmyinjury!"Hestumbledbackwardtowardthebed."Help!Ineedadoctor!"He
floppedspread-eagleonthebedasifdead.

"Youarecrazy."Shestoodoverhim,smiling.Andsowonderfullymade,shethought,admiring
him.

Hesatupandgrabbedherwristandpulledhercloser."Ireallydoneedadoctor,"hesaid,
hisblueeyesglitteringwithdesire.

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Shewentlimpandlethimpullherdown.

"Oh,yeah."Hesettledherontopofhimonthebed,andforcedherlegsapartwithhisknee.
Nowhiseyesweresmoldering."Ineedadoctorintheworstway."

OVERANELEGANTroom-servicebreakfasttwohourslater,Mattfinallymentionedit.

"Youknow,birthcontrol?"herepeated.

Atthewords,Danninearlychokedonherbagel.Whatthehellkindofobstetricianwasshe?
Areallystupidone,obviously.

"Well,"Mattcontinued,"IguessIshouldhaveaskedlastnight.Thisismybusinessnow.
We'remarried,Mrs.Creed."Hejoked,thenraisedhertremblinghand,kissedherfingers.
"Hey-"heseemedtonoticethenthatsomethingwaswrong'`-you'reshaking.Whatisit?"

Dannitriednottolookintohiseyes.Whywasitsohardtoconcealanythingfromthisman?
Wasapersonalwaysthisvulnerablewhentheymadelovetosomebody,orwasitjustwith
him?Shecertainlycouldn'trememberfeelinganythinglikethiswithWesleyFuerborne.All
shecouldthinkaboutduringthatincidenthadbeen,WhatifIgetpregnant?ButwithMatt,
forheaven'ssake,she
hadn'tgivenitathought-oratleast,notaconsciousone.

"Nothing,"shelied,andfelthercheeksturningred,forlastnightshehadmadeaterrible,
terriblemistake-amistakethatwas,forDannielleGoodlove,theworst.Andtherewas
nothingshecoulddoaboutitnow.Asshe'dalwaysgentlychidedherpatientsinthis
predicament,thehorsewasoutofthebarn.

Shedaredaglanceathisfaceandforaninstantsawshockedrealizationthere.Thenhe
raisedherfingersandkissedthemagain.Hard."Danni,"hewhisperedagainstherflesh,
"don'tthinkI'mnutsforsayingthis,okay?ButIswear,gettingyoupregnantwouldbethe
highpointofmylife."

Shejumpedupfromthelittletableonthebalconyandranintothebedroom,threwherself
acrosstheking-sizeexpanseandburiedherfaceinapillow.

Mattfollowedher,putonekneeonthebedandwrappedhishandsaroundherhips,turning
herontoherback.

"WhathaveIdone?"sheaskedasheslowlyloweredhismuscularframeoverherupper
body.

"Don'tyoumean,'Whathavewedone?'Ishouldhavebeenprepared.I'msosorry."He
smoothedherhairback."Hey.It'llbeokay.Andasfortherestofwhatyou'vedone,Ihope-"
hekissedherchin"-you'vemarried-"hekissedhernose"-theman-"hekissedhercheek'`-
you'llalways-"heendedathermouth"-love."

Then,withoutanothersingleword,whileDanniwatchedinawe,asifshewereawitness
outsideherownbody,heusedanexquisitecombinationofdriveandtendernesstomake
lovetoheryetagain.

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TIMEFLASHEDBYLIKEsomesortofbrilliantdreamforDanni.Shefeltasifshewerein
oneofthosegaudytravelbrochureswherecarefreecouplesinskimpyswimsuitswere
holdinghandsonwhitesandybeaches.

ThankstoMatt,shemissedseveralofDr.Donnar'slectures.AndthankstoBryant,shefelt
horriblyguiltyaboutit.

Everyday,Bryantleftvoicemailuponvoicemail,tryingtodragherbackintothesanelife
shewassupposedtolead-thelifebeforeMatthewCreed.

ButeverynightMattwonheroveranew.Matt,whotemptedherwithhiscarafeofyellow
drinks.Matt,whoendedupstayinginherroom,inherbed.Matt,wholedherdeeperand
deeperintothechambersofpassion.

Andthoughhefedhergourmetmeals,exoticdelicacies,andevenanotherofhisfamous
longpicnicsonthebeach,shecouldtellshewasstilllosingweight.Allthis"activity,"she
supposed,burneduplotsofcalories.Shesmiledtoherselfassheadjustedthestrapsofthe
bikinihe'dboughther-"Can'tamanbuyhisoldladyalittlepresent?"he'dsaid-thenshe
slippedtheyellow-floweredsundressoverit.

Andallthetime,everywheretheywent,hishandswereconstantlyonher-herwaist,herhips,
herthighsallthoseplacesthatseemedtobecomingmoreandmorealive,hungeringmore
andmoreforhistouch.

Matt,shediscovered,wasashoulderkisser,afingerkisser,akneekisser.Hecalledher
things-"Mrs.Creed,""Honey,"andwhentheymadelove,"baby"-thatnomanhadevercalled
herbefore.

Tonighthewastakingherbackto"theirbeach"tocelebrate"theirthirdanniversary."

Thesunhadalreadysetwhentheygotthere,andtheywadedoutintothewarmCaribbean
watersandstaredoffatthetwinklinglightsofthequaintvillagenestledagainstthe
mountainsinthedistance.

"Look,honey.Overthere'swherewegotmarried,"Mattsaidandpointed.

Shestudiedhisprofileinsteadofthevillage,tryingtoreadhim,buttherisingmoondidnot
illuminatehisexpressionclearly.Againshewondered,whathereallythoughtabouttheir
marriage.

"Whathappenedtoyourfirstmarriage?"sheaskedquietly.

Heturnedtoher,hiseyesguarded,assessingher."Oldstory.Selfishness.Immaturity."

"Hersoryours?"

Hesmirked."Youhavetoask?"

Danniturnedherbackandwalkedoutofthewater,ontothesand."Comehere."Sheheld
herhandbacktowardhim."Weneedtotalk."

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Hestoodinthewavesforabriefmoment,hesitating,thensloggedslowlyontothebeach
andtookherhand.

Sheledhimtotheblanket,pulledhimdownbesideher.

"Iknowsolittleaboutyou,"sheexplained."WhatIdoknowIlike,butIneedtoknowmore."

"I'lltellyouanythingyouwanttoknow,"Mattsaidsincerely.

"Whatwentwrongwithyourfirstmarriage?Really."

Mattsighedandlookedoutattheocean,atthemountainsbeyondthebay."Okay,ifit'sthat
importanttoyou.It'sactuallyprettysimple.Whenthebombinghappened,aftertherescue
workwasdone,wejustfellapart."

Danniwaited,buthedidn'toffermore.

"Why?"Shefeltthesametensionfromhimthatshe'dhadonthenightshe'daskedhim
aboutthebandanna,butshefeltshehadarighttoasknow.Shecouldhelphim,maybe.
Afterall,they'dslepttogether.They'dmarriedeachother-evenifthewholethinghadbeena
littlecrazy."Whathappened?"sherepeated.

"Reallife.Realpain.StuffCarlacouldn'tunderstand.Everythingwasonebigtriptoher.A
triptothemall.Atriptothemountains.Atriptoafriend'sparty."Hepickedupahandfulof
sandandletitflowthroughhisfingers."WithCarlaitwasjustgo...do...buy.Shenever
stoppedtofeelanything,exceptphysicalpleasure,ormaybetofeelsorryforherself.She
wasgoodatthat.

"Insteadoftryingtofigureoutwhatthebombingmeant,oratleastgrievingaboutitproperly,
orevenlettingmegrieveaboutitproperly,Carlajustwantedittogoaway,becauseitwas
ugly,becauseitwasmessy."

Hepitchedthehandfulofsandtowardtheseainfrustration."IknowIwasn'ttheeasiestguy
tolivewithafterthebombing,butCarlawouldn'teventrytounderstand.Sheonlywanted
comfort,pleasure,escape.Sheannouncedonedaythatshewantedadivorce.AtfirstIwas
upset,butthenIrealizedIdidn'twanttobemarriedtosomeonewhowasthatselfish.To
me,that'slikelivinghalfalife."Hedustedthelastofthesandfromhispalms,thenturnedhis
headtolookinto
Danni'seyes."Iguessthat'swhatfirstattractedmetoyou.ThefirsttimeIsawyou,you
wererightinthemiddleofit-life.Youweresoreal."

Dannididn'tknowaboutthat.Shecertainlyhadherowndemons,herownself-pity,herself-
indulgences,eveniftohimherpreoccupationsseemedloftierthanCarla's.Buthermindand
heartwerefocusedonMattnow,tryingtounderstandhim."Tellme-"shetouchedhis
forearm,runningherfingerssoftlyacrossthespringyhairs"-whathappenedtoyouinthe
bombing?"

Heinhaledandexhaledslowly."Thesamethingthathappenedtoeverybodyelse.Horror.
Grief.Helplessness."

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Danniclosedhereyes.Hearingthosewordsspokenaloudinhisdeep,reverberatingvoice
wasalmostmorethanshecouldbear.

"ButIalsolearnedthateventhoughmyheartwasbreaking,Istillhaditinmetobestrong
forsomeoneelse.Ilearnedtogivetothelimit,thatthere'snopointinholdingback.I
learnedtodowhateverhadtobedone,saywhateverhadtobesaid,togoonwithdignity.I
learnedallthatbywatchingthefamiliesandthe
victims."

"Oh,Matt,"Danniwhispered,tearsshimmeringinhereyes.

Hewrappedherinhisarmsandtheyclungtoeachothertightlyforsomemoments,while
Dannifelthisstrongheartbeatingagainstherbreastandwasgratefulthatthismanhad
becomeherlover--evenif,becauseoftheirdifferences,therelationshipdidn'tlast,sheknew
shewouldalwayshavethismoment.

"I'msogladIhadthistimewithyou,"shetoldhimhonestly.

Hestudiedherface,asiftryingtoreadhermeaning.Afterseveralmomentshequietly
asked,"CouldImakelovetoyou?"

Onthatisolatedbeachfarfromtheworld-far,farawayfromhorrorandsadnessand
helplessness-hetookpossessionofheragain.

AndjustlikeeverytimesheclimaxedinMatt'sarms,Danniwasnewlysurprised,asifshe
couldn'tbelievethatthisvital,sensuouscreaturewasreallyherself,respondinginthisway.

ButMattseemedtoexpectherresponse,torelishit.Andwhenitwasover,whenshewas
limp,herinsidesquiveringwiththeechoesofpassion,he'dtellherhowfeminineshewas,
howwonderful.

Itwasasifhe'dpossessedherandfreedherallinamatterofdays.Hedonism,Danniwould
thinkeverytimeMattworkedhismagic.I'velostmyinhibitions-andmygoodsense-topure
hedonism.

No.I'velostmymind-myself-tohedonism,shewouldthinkeverymorningwhenshewokeup
withMatt'sstrongarmsandlegstangledaroundher.Andthoughsheplannedtobreakoff
thisfoolishliaisonwithamanshehardlyknew,shedidn't.Shecouldn't.

Insteadshewadedindeeper.Literally.Matttookhersnorkeling.Hetookherdeep-sea
fishing.HetookheroutonaHobieCat.My,shethought,watchinghisbroadshouldersflex
ashemasteredthesailofthecatamaran,MatthewCreedissuchavigorousman.Itseemed
hewasn'tafraidtotryanything.

ButwhatDannicouldn'tseewasthatdeepdown,apartofMatthewCreedwasafraid.He
wasafraidthewomanhewasholdingnightafternightwouldwakeuponemorning,cometo
hersenses,andleavehim.Hewasafraidshe'dfinallyanswertheperpetualvoicemailfrom
Dr.Dashing.Hewasafraidtothinkaboutwhatwouldhappenwhenshegotbacktoher
medicalcareer,herfancyhouse,herprominentsocialposition.

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Hewouldwakeupinthemiddleofthenight,wantingher.Whilethemoonlightpouredin
throughthesheerdrapes,he'dprophimselfonhiselbowandwatchhersleep.Hewouldvow
togoslow,tobegentleintheirlovemaking,butitwasnogood.Hewantedtoravishher
everytimehelookedather.Didn'tsheknowhowutterlybeautifulshewas?

Wheneverhewasfreetoadoreherbody-notjustduringsex,butwhenhescoopedherupin
hisarmsandcarriedherthroughthesurforadmiredhersilhouettedinthemorningsunon
thebalcony--hefoundhimselfthinkingoftheirfuture.Daydreamingaboutbringingherback
herewhentheywereold.Orbetteryet,bringingtheirkidsbackherewiththemsomeday.

Kids.

Somehowhe'dneverbeenabletoimagineactualoffspringwithCarla,thoughhe'daskedher
toconsiderstartingafamilyoftenenough.

ButwithDanni,eventhoughthey'donlybeentogetherafewdays,hewanted,fiercely,to
getherpregnanteverytimeheenteredher.Whichwasjustplaincrazy.

Sohetooktheresponsibilityforbirthcontroluponhimself.Butdespitethat,hecaught
himselfsayingthingstoherlike,"Somedaywe'llhavelotsofkids-"he'dkissherirresistible
forehead"-beautifulonesthatlookexactlylikeyou."

Andhemeantit.

WhatMattdidn'tknowwasthatDanni,withherobstetricalknowledge,witheverywoman's
secretcognizanceofherownrhythms,comprehendedcertainthingshedidn't.Whathe
didn'tknowwasthatwhenhesaidthingsabouthavingkidssomeday,Dannihadtobiteher
tonguetokeepfromblurting,"Ihopesomedayisn'tsoonerthanyouthink."

Butsheneversaidit.Whyspoilthingsbyharpingonacalamitythatmightneverhappen?
Statistically,thechanceswereveryremote.

WHENTHEDAYCAMETOcatchtheirrespectiveplaneshome-Danni'stourflightleftinthe
morning,Matt'slaterintheafternoon-MattwokeDanniupearly.He'dorderedaroom-
servicebreakfastandhaditsetuponthebalcony.

"Idon'twantthistoend,"DannisighedasMattpouredhercoffeeandshelookedoutover
theoceancalm,beneathacastleofclouds,pinkandgoldeninthesunrise.

Mattkissedthetopofherhead,andwentaroundthetabletohischair.Thenheproceeded
toconsumetheeggsandbaconhe'dordered,frowningoutattheseaandthesky.

AnuneasinesssettledonDanniasshesippedhercoffeeandwatchedMatt,because
suddenlyshewasworriedaboutwhatshewoulddoifthishadreallybeennothingbutabig
romanticadventuretohim.She'dbeensopreoccupiedwithherownmixed-upfeelings,
abouthistakingittooseriously,thatshehadn'tconsideredhowshe'dreactifhedidn't.How
wouldshehandlethat?Someunnamedfearchurneddeepwithininher.

Theytookthefifteen-minutecabridefromDiviLittleBaytothesmallairporttogether,and

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MattnoticedDannigrowingmorequietontheway.

"Iwishwewereflyinghometogether,"hesaid,breakingthesilence.

Dannionlysmiled.

Heworried.Wasitsettlinginonhernow?Whatthey'ddone?Shewasnotanimpulsive
woman.WhatwouldshedowhenshegotbacktoTulsa?

Herplanewasalreadybeingboardedoutonthetarmacandtheattendantattheintakedesk
rushedthemalong.Dannihadbroughtonlyacarry-onbagtoSt.MartinandMatthoistedit
overhisshoulderandtookherelbowastheyjoggedacrosstheblacktop.Shewouldhave
beenontimehadsheriddenthetourshuttlefromthehotel,butthetruthwas,shehad
wantedtosavoreverylastminutewithMatt.Andnowthatitwastheirlastminute,what
wouldshesaytohim?

Itseemedasifhewantedtobewithherforaslongaspossible,too.Andtheirmutual
reluctancetopartseemedtogivetheinevitablegoodbyemoreweight-asifitwere
permanent.Wasthatbecausethiswasgoodbyeandneitheroneofthemwantedthefairy
taletoend?

Whentheygottotheboardingramp,sheturnedandlookedupintohisface.Shecouldn't
readhimatall,sherealized,becausethesunwasreflectingoffhisGargoyles.

TheflightattendantstandingatthetopofthestepsmotionedforDannitohurry.

"Listen,Matt,"Dannistarted,"Iwantyoutoknowtherearenoobligations,here.Imean,
justbecausethishappened,thatdoesn'tmeanyouhaveto-"Whenhedidn'tsayanything,
herfearswonout."Maybethiswasallahugemistake....Wecanseeaboutgettingthe
marriageannulledbackinTulsa."

Overtheroarofthejetengines,Mattwasn'tsurehe'dheardherright."Annulled?"

Andsuddenly,asifinawakingnightmare,MattwasrecallingthebreakupwithCarla.Ithad
beenlikethis-sudden,withoutrhymeorreason.Aflat,cruelannouncement:"Iwanta
divorce."Justlikethat.Justlikethis.Neveragain.Hewasn'tgoingtothrowhimselfatthe
feetofsomewomanwho'djerkhimaround,tryingtochangehim,actingasifsheweredoing
himabigfavorbylettinghimparticipateinherwonderfullife.

Theflightattendantcalledout,"Ma'am!"andmotionedwithherhandtowardtheopendoor
oftheplane.Dannilookedoverhershouldernervously,thenbackupatMatt.

Mattfoundhisvoice."Whateveryouwant,"hesaidquietly.

Dannimadeagesture,asifshecouldn'thearhimabovethenoise.

"Isaid-"heraisedhisvoice"-anannulment'sfinewithmeifthat'swhatyouwant."

Danninodded,grabbedhercarry-onandranupthestepsbeforeshehadtimetothinkabout
whattheyweresayingtoeachother.Shedidn'twanttothinkaboutit.

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ButonthelongflightbacktoDallas-FortWorth,shedidthink.ShethoughtofMatt'slong,
muscularbody;ofhishands,sowarm,strongandcomforting;ofhiseyessoblueand
sincere.

Butthen,assheclosedhereyesandleanedbackagainsttheheadrest,shethoughtofhis
wordsaboutannulment.Hadhereallyconsideredthiswholethingamerefling?WasDanni
goingbacktoresumeherlonelylife?

Mattalsodidsomethinkingduringhistriphome.HethoughtofDanni'sscent,herlaugh,her
breathcomingfasterwhenhemadelovetoher.

Hethoughtofthewayhe'dbecomeinvolvedwiththiswomaninthefirstplace.Howhe'd
triedsohardtobecarefulthistime.Andhowhe'dchasedherhalfwayaroundtheworld-and
forwhat?Sohecouldscareheroffwithaprematuremarriageandshecouldendup
rejectinghimthesamewayCarlahad?

TheonethingMatthadn'tthoughtaboutwasthepossibilitythatDannimightactuallybe
pregnant.


CHAPTERFIFTEEN

AsSHETURNEDOFFTerwilligerBoulevardintohermother'swindingdriveway,Danni
askedherselfwhyshefeltsoapprehensive.Wasitbecauseshewasworriedabouthurting
hermother?Hermothercertainlyhadexperiencedenoughpainforonelifetime.

Thegardenerhadn'tclearedlastnight'sheavysnowfromthedrivesosheslowedthecarto
acrawlassheenteredthewrought-irongatesandsteeredupthesteepslopetowardthe
hugehouseshehadoncecalledhome.

Inrecentyears,sinceherfatherhaddied,herfeelingstowardhermotherhadbecomean
uncomfortablemixture.Dannilovedhermother,andhermothergloriedinDanni'sdemanding
careerasaphysician,yetsheexpectedDannitocometrottingovertothestatelyoldhouse
foreverylittlesocialdo-dah,whichmadeDannifeeltetheredsomehow.

Danniparkedhercarwayupbesidethedeliveryentrance,stompedthesnowoffherboots,
andletherselfinthebackdoorthatopenedintothenarrowhallwayflankedbypantrieson
bothsides.Shewentdirectlytothekitchenbecauseshewantedtoavoidhavingthis
conversationinhermother'sformalparlor,ifatallpossible.

Monika,thedaytimehelperandcook,wasthere,laboringoverthestove,stirringahugepot
ofsomethingthatsmelleddelicious.

"Hi,Monika!"Dannicalledoutandcrossedtheroomtogiveandreceivetheircustomary
hug.

"Danni!"Monikasmiled."Youlookalittlepale,"theolderwomanaddedinherfaintGerman
accent."Areyousureyou'renotoverdoingthisdiet?Lookhere.Youarejustintimetotry
mynewbatchofseven-beansoup."Sheturnedbacktothecounterandraisedthelidofa
Japanesericecookerandstartedtoladlebeansoverabowloffreshlysteamedrice.

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"Monika,notnow,thanks."Dannitouchedthecook'sshouldertostopher.Shewasn'tsure,
inhercurrentstate,ifshecouldkeepthespicyseven-beandishdown,especiallynotwhile
shetoldhermotherthenews."IneedtoseeMom.Isshearound?"

"Olivia?LasttimeIsawhershewasinheroffice,onthephone,makingarrangementsfor
theTasteofTulsa."

"TheTasteofTulsa,"Dannimumbled."Iforgotshehastostartgettingreadyforthatthingin
January."

"Ja."Monikasmiledandnodded."Sheworkssohardathervolunteerprojects.It'samazing
howshegetssomuchdone."

Gettingsomuchdone-theGoodbyecredo,Dannithoughtasshemadeherwaythroughthe
enormoushousetowardtheofficetuckedinthenortheastcorner.

ShestoppedinthelivingroomtostareupataglowingportraitofherselfandLisaas
children,wearingfrillypurewhitedressesandsweetsmiles.Toobadtheycouldn'thave
stayedthatinnocentforever.Herexpressiongrewsolemnasshethoughthowironicitwas
thatshe'dmadethesamemistakeLisahad.OnlyshewasolderthanLisahadbeen,and
shouldhavebeenwiser.Wasitsomethingintheblood?

"I'msorry,sissy,"shewhisperedtotheportrait."IguessIscrewedup."Sheturnedonher
heelandmarchedtotheoffice.

Sheknockedpolitely,andawell-modulatedmatron'svoicesaid,"Yes?"frombehindtheoak
door.

"Mom,it'sme,"Dannisaid.

"Sweetheart!Comein!"thevoicecalled.Danniheardhermother'sfootfallsontherug,then
heelsclickingacrosstheparquetflooring.Shewasgreetedwithahugassoonasthedoor
swungopen.

"Darling!Howwonderfulofyoutotaketimetovisitmeinthemiddleoftheday!"Hermother
squeezedhersotightlyDannialmostlostherbreath.Oliviawasfullydressed,coiffed,and
made-up,thoughshewasprobablyspendingtheentiredayrighthereinthisoffice.She
wouldprobablyevenhaveMonikaservelunchhere.

Danni'smotherwaswearingClinique'sAromatics,theonlyfragrancesheeverwore,and
Dannibreatheditin,findingcomfortinitsfamiliarity.Hermotherlovedher.Surelyshewould
notjudgeDanniforonemomentoffoolishness.

"Come,"hermothersaid."I'llhaveMonikabringusalittlecoffeeandDanishintheparlor."

Dannilookedaroundtheroom,atallofhermother'sbooksliningthewalls,atherorderly
workstation,herenormousdeskframedbysunny,panedwindowsoverlookingthesloping,
snowyyard.Asmallfirewarmedthespacebetweentwowingchairs.

"No,Mom.Idon'twantcoffee.AndI'drathertalkinhere.I...Idon'thavethatmuchtime.I

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cametotellyousomething."Dannipointedatthestackofinvitations-forapreliminary
organizationalluncheon,nodoubt.Oneofhermother'sendlessdistractions."I'msorryto
disturbyourwork."

Hermother,alwaysintuitive,frowned."Myworkcanwait."Shestudiedherdaughter."Would
youliketositdown?Here.Letmetakeyourwrap."

DanniallowedOliviatoremovehercoatandtheybothsatfacingeachotheratrightangles
tothefire.Hermotherslippedasilkshawlfromthebackofherchairandfitteditneatly
aroundhershoulders."Now.Tellme,"shesaidsimply.

Dannismiledasadlittlesmile.Hermother'sworldwassoperfectlyorderly,soserene.She
lookedatOlivia'sslenderlegs,thewaytheycrossedgracefully,thetoeofonesensiblechic
pumppointedjustso.Howcouldadaughterdothistohermother?YetDanniknewthe
longershedelayed,theworseitwouldbe.

"Mom,"shestarted,thenfocusedherattentiononthefireasshesaidthewords:"I'm
pregnant."

Sherefusedtolookathermother'sface,butsheheardthegasp,andthen,inavoice
quicklyreinedundercontrol,"Areyoucertain?"

Dannismiledagain,thistimeruefully."Mom,I'manobstetrician.OfcourseI'mcertain."
"But...But,howdidthishappen?"

"Theusualway,Mother.Intercourse."Danniregrettedhersarcasmassoonasshesaidit.It
wasnothermother'sfaultthatshe'dmessedupherlife.

"Danielle!"hermotherchastised."Thisisashocktome.Iwasn'tevenawarethatyouwere
seeinganyone."

"I'mnot-notreally."Danniwantedtokeepthissimple,toforceOlivia'sacceptance,toquash
hermother'schronicimpulsetomakethingsrightandproper,tofixthings.

Therewasnofixingthis.Theonlywayoutofthismesswasstraightthroughit.Danniwas
goingtobeasinglemother,shewasconvincedofthatnow.She'ddoneherfirstpregnancy
testafewweeksaftershe'dreturnedfromSt.Martin-longweeksinwhichshehadn'theard
onewordfromMatthewCreed-andwhentheresultswerepositiveshe'dsatinherdarkening
officeforanhourdecidingwhethertopickupthephone.

Intheend,herdecisionhadbeentowait,andwait,andwait.AllthroughtheChristmas
seasonshe'dwaited,aloneinherbig,beautifullydecoratedhouse.

IfMatthewCreedwantedher,thistimehewouldhavetobetheonetocall.Andshe'dbe
damnedifshe'dkeephimintherelationshipbecauseshe'dgoneandgottenherself
pregnant.Itwasn'tasifshedidn'thavetheresourcestotakecareofthisbabybyherself.

Butitwasgoingtobecomplicated,shedidn'tkidherselfaboutthat.

Afterseverallongmoments,Dannilookedintohermother'seyes,andsawtheretotal

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confusionandpain.Anddisbelief.ForthiswasthelastthingOliviawouldhaveexpected
fromDanni-gettingherselfknockedupoutsideaseriousrelationship."Itwasa...abrieffling,
Mom.IntheCaribbean."

Hermothersankbackinherchair,herperfectlymade-upfacebeautifulevenwhenher
mouthwasslackfromshock."AttheobstetricalconferenceinNovember?"

Danninodded.

"Thisman.Whoishe?Not...Wesley?""Mom."Dannishookherhead.

"Who,then?Anotherdoctor?Whereishefrom?"

"Itdoesn'tmatterwhoheis.He'stotallyinappropriateforme,andhesomuchastoldmehe
hasnointerestinmarriage.Infact,thelasttimeIsawhimwaswhenwesaidgoodbyeatthe
airportonSt.Martin."

"But...butdoyoulovehim?"

"What?"Dannididn'twanttheconversationtoturninthisdirection.Thisdiscussionwas
aboutthebaby.Thisdiscussionwasmeanttopreparehermothertobeagrandmother.

"Isaid,doyoulovehim?"

"Ihardlyknowhim,"Dannisaidevasively."Soitwasjustasexualencounter?"hermother
questioned.

Dannialmostsmiledathermother'schoiceofwords,thensheclosedhereyes."Isuppose
youcouldcallitthat."ShethoughtagainofherselfandMattonthatbeach;ofhowthisbaby
hadbeenmade.

Theirlovemakinghadseemedlikethefurthestthingfrommeresex.ToDanniithadseemed
likeanawakening,aresurrection.Butthatsoundedsocrazy,sohideouslyidealistic.Danni
supposedshewasnottheonlythirty-somethingwomantoimpulsivelytakealoverandthen
exaggeratethesignificanceoftheencounter,butshewasdeterminedtokeephersilly
feelingsforeverhersecret."Itcertainlywasn'ttruelove,whateverintheworldthatis.

"Whatdoyoumean,'whateverthatis'?Youknowwhatloveis.Youwereraisedinavery
lovingfamily."

"Mom.Dadwasalwaysgoneonbusiness,andyouwerealways..."Shelookedatthestack
ofinvitations.ButDanniknewshewasbeingunfair.Hermotherhadalwayslovedher,even
whenOlivia'schallengesandpursuitsdistractedher.Dannisighed."SometimesIthinkthere
wasonlyonepersoninthisfamilywhohadtimeforlove.Itdoesn'tmatter."

"Yes,itdoesmatter,"hermothercountered.

"Loveisthemostimportantthinginaperson'slife-"

"Look.Canwenottalkaboutloverightnow?"Dannipleaded,thinkinghowithadbeenher
desperationtofindlovethathadgottenherintothismessinthefirstplace.

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HermotherstudiedDanniapprehensively."Aren'tyouevenalittlehappyaboutthis?"she
finallyasked."Imean,thisiswonderfulnews-thatwe'regoingtohaveababyinthefamily."
Suddenlyhermotherseemedanimated.Shesatforwardinherchair."Oh,Danni!Thinkofit
thatway!Ababy!"

HermotherreachedoutandclutchedDanni'sshoulders,shookhergentlyasiftowakenher.
"Darling,thisiswonderful!You'llsee!Everythingwillbeallright.I'llhelpyouwiththebaby,so
youcanmaintainyourpractice.AndsowillAuntHetraandAuntDottie.Don'tyousee?"She
gaveDannianotherlittleshake.

TearsstungDanni'seyes.Hermotherreallywasremarkable.Shealwaysknewtheright
thingtodo-notonlytheproperthing,buttherightthing.Soovercomeshecouldhardly
speak,Dannilookeddownintoherlap,foughthertears,andwhispered,"You'reamazing,
Mom."

"Ah-"hermotherreachedupandstrokedDanni'shair"-Iloveyou,sweetheart.Havinga
babyisn'tatragedy,nomatterwhatthecircumstances...."Hermother'shandsuddenly
stilled.

AfteraheartbeatshetiltedDanni'sfaceup."IknowithurtstothinkofLisa.Ithurtsme,too.
ButIstillbelieveherdecisiontohaveherbabywastherightchoice.Itrulybelievethat.Her
deathwasnotanybody'sfault.I'vetoldyouthatbefore."

ThemomenthermothersaidLisa'sname,Danni'stearsstartedtoflow,andnowshechoked
backawrenchingsob.

HermotherclutchedDannitightly,herperfectlymanicurednailsdiggingintoDanni'sarms.
"Danni!You'renotthinkingofdoingsomething...somethingrashaboutthispregnancy,are
you?"

Dannicouldn'tspeak,shewassoovercomewithemotion.Shedidn'tknowwhatshe'd
expectedfromhermother-disappointment,recriminations,maybe.Butnotthisgenerous
understanding.Shereallyhadn'ttrustedhermother,hadshe?

"Oh,Mom,"sheblurted."YouknowhowIfeelaboutthat!OfcourseI'mhavingthisbaby.I
just-IguessIcan'tbelieveI'mputtingyouthroughthis.Ididn'tmeanwhatIsaidaminute
ago.YouandDadweregoodparents,lovingparents.Really.It'sme.I'msorryI'mdoingthis
toyou."

"Youaren'tdoinganythingexceptgivingmeagrandchild,"hermothersaidfirmly,then
wrappedherarmsaroundDanni'sshoulders.Leaningforward,Dannirestedhercheekon
thecoolsilkofhermother'sscarfandbreathedinthefragranceofAromaticsasifitwerea
calmingdrug.

ForsomemomentsOliviasimplyrockedherdaughter.Finallyshesaid,"No,myprecious
Danni,youaren'tdoinganythingexceptexactlywhatyou'vealwaysdone.Youaremaking
meveryproudofyou."

ThatwasexactlythekindoftalkthathadfortifiedDanniGoodbyeallofherlife.

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CHAPTERSIXTEEN

MATTFIDGETED.THECHAIRwastoodamnsmall.You'dthinkthey'dhaveextra-large
chairsforpregnantwomen.Heglancedaroundatthehalf-dozenorsorotundladiessharing
thewaitingroomwithhim.

Afreckle-facedteenagerpeekedupfromhermagazineandbeamedindulgentlyathim.
What'sshesmilingabout?Mattwonderedirritably.Thatkidwaswaytooyoungtobehaving
ababy.Hernailpolishwasturquoise,forPete'ssake.Butlookingatherbeat-upNikesand
fadeddenimmaternitydress,hesuddenlyfeltsorryforherandgaveherabig-brotherlysmile
back.

Relax,hetoldhimself.Theseladiesprobablythinkyou'reafatherwaitingforhiswife.Just
toughitout.You'reheretoseeDanni.That'sallthatmatters.

Heresettledhisbroadshouldersandtriedtoconcentrateonthebig-screenTV,butitwas
featuringatapeaboutbreast-feeding.Hefelthisfacegohotandrivetedhisattentiononthe
fakeflowerarrangementonthetablebesidehim.Finally,heresortedtohidingbehinda
parentingmagazine.

IntheweeksfollowingthattriptotheCaribbean,Matthadmadeuphismind:Hewouldn't
botherherifshedidn'twanthim.Butithadn'tworked.

Atoddmomentswhenhewasfillinghistruckwithgas,orshaving,orwolfingdownanother
burgeralone-he'dfindhimselfstaringoffintospace,whileimagesofDanniplayedbeforehis
eyeslikeanendless-loopvideo.Andevenworse,sometimeshe'dhearherlaugh,andhear
hervoicesaying,asplainlyasifshewerestandingnexttohim,"Maybethiswasallahuge
mistake."

Ahugemistake.Fine,he'deventuallyconvincedhimself.

Butwhenhehadn'theardfromher,seenher,touchedherinseveralweeksandhestill
couldn'tgetheroutofhismind,herealizeditwasn'tanykindofmistake.Itwasexactlywhat
hehadthoughtitwasintheCaribbean:truelove.Andifshewastoostupidtoseethat.

Andthenhehadstartedtogetmad,reallymad.Notsimplybecauseofherrejection;this
wassomethingtodowithrightness.No,itwasmorelikesomethingtodowithwrongness...
withwaste.Clichéornot,he'dlearnedthehardwaythatlifewastooprecious-andtooshort-
towasteasinglemoment.ButhowcouldheconvinceDanni?

AndthenoneeveningwhenJackieandTyhadbeentryingtodistracthimwithbeerand
videos,Jackiehadletalittlesomethingslipthathadblownthelidoffhisanger,offhiswhole
world.

Interruptinghisthoughts,amiddle-agednurse,wholookedvaguelyfamiliar,steppedthrougha
swingdoor."MatthewCreed?"

Hegotupandfollowedhertoanexaminationroom.

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TherewasnosignofDannionthewaydownthehall.Likeeverythingelseabouther,this
placewasfirst-class.Immaculate.Softlydecoratedinprettypastels.Somekindoftranquil,
classicalmusicfloatingeverywhere.Heimaginedpregnantwomenthrivedonthisstuff.

Intheexamroom,thenurseclosedthedoor,indicatedheshouldsitontheexaminingtable,
andthenfrownedatthepaperworkhehadfilledout.Shepokedathersalt-and-peppercurls
withapenandanchoreditbehindoneear.HernametagreadCarolHollis,butMattcouldn't
rememberwherehe'dseenherbefore."Whatexactlycanwedoforyou,Mr.Creed?"

"Well,uh,likeIwrotethere-"hepointedattheclipboard"-Dr.Goodbyestitchedupmyarma
fewmonthsago.Anaccidentinafire-I'mafirefighter-andallofasuddenit'sbotheringme."
Hereachedacrosshischestandmassagedhisupperarm."Shemusthaveleftsomeglassin
itorsomething.Ifiguredshe'dwanttolookatitherselfandall."

Thenursefrowned."Hmm,"shesaid."ItwouldbehighlyunusualforDr.Goodbyetomiss
anything,butshe'llwanttotakeagoodlookatyouanyway.Takeyourshirtoff,please."

"Excuseme?"

"Sowecanexamineyourarm."

"Oh."

Whileheunbuttonedhisflannelshirtthenursestuckathermometerinhisearthatbeeped,
thenshetookhispulseandbloodpressure."Well,"shesaidbrightly,"youdon'thaveafever
andeverythingelselooksnormal."

Shemassagedthebicepsareaofhisinjuredarm,whichwasabsolutelyhealthy,anddidn't
evenhavemuchofascar,justasthatnurseintheemergencyroomhadpromised-Oh,sh-!
Hesuddenlyrememberedwherehe'dseenthisnursebefore.Well,whatwasshegoingto
do?Kickhimoutbecausehe'dflirtedwithDanniintheE.R.?Hewasapayingcustomer.

Shewaslookingathimstrangely.DidsheknowheandDannihaddated?Didsheknow
...everything?

"Dr.Goodlovewillbeinshortly,"shesaidandleft.

Hewaitedinagony.Hecouldn'tsitstillonthetablesohewenttostandbythewindow.He
wasstaringdownatthestreet,withhisarmscrossedoverhisbarechest,whenthedoor
flewopenandDanniswoopedin.Apetiteredheadednursewasrightonherheels.

"Mr.Creed,"Dannisaidterselywhileshelookedathispaperwork,notathim.Shedidn't
smile,didn'tcallhim"Matt."Herhairhadgrownoutenoughtobecinchedupinoneofthose
fancybraids,andshehadgainedbacksomeofherweight,butthatwastobeexpected,if
Jackiewastobebelieved.Underneathherlabcoat,shehadononeofthoselong,baggy,
little-girldresseswithtinyflowersalloverit.
Tohim,shelookedasbeautifulashe'dremembered.Moreso,now.

"Let'ssee.Youhaveaproblem?"Shefrowned,flippingthepagesfutilely,asifunabletofind
anythingsignificantthere.

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Heplantedhishandsonhiships.Okay.Soshewasgoingtobehostile.Hecouldn'tfathom
why,buthecouldhandleit."Yeah,"hesaid."Ihave...anache."

He'dsaidthelastwordhuskily,onpurpose,togethertolookup.Whenshedid,hemether
eyeswithchallenge."Wedon'tneedthenurse,"hesaidquietly.

Danni'sjawtightenedandhereyesnarrowedafraction,butsheturnedtothenurseand
said,"Becky,pleasegogetLindseyWebberreadyforherultrasound."

Beckyskitteredoutlikeascaredrabbit.

"Whatkindofstuntisthis?"Dannidemandedassoonasthedoorclosed.

Heshrugged."I'vetriedeveryotherwaytoseeyou.Youwon'treturnmycalls,andweneed
totalk."

"Look.Thereisnothingtotalkabout.Wehadafling.It'sover.That'sall."

"That'sall?Whataboutourchild?"

Danni'seyesgrewwideandherfaceashenasshegrabbedthecounterandsankontothe
rollingstoolbesideit.

Forasplitsecond,concernandpitysoftenedMatt'sattitude,butthenhelethisrighteous
angerhaveitsway."Evenifitwasjustaflingtoyou,evenifyouthink
you'retoodamngoodforme,apparentlyyou'recarryingmychild,soyou'regoingtohaveto
getoffyourhighhorseanddiscussthis."

"Howdidyoufindout?"Danniwhisperedwithhereyesrivetedontheexamtable.

"So.Youweren'tplanningtotellme."

Herheadsnappedup."There'snolawthatsaysIhaveto-"

"TherebyGodoughttabe!"Mattwassuddenlyshouting."Andjustincaseyoublockedit
out,we'remarried,lady!"

"Youcan'tbeserious.YouknowaswellasIdothatwe'reaboutasmarriedas-"

"Whataboutlove?Whataboutwhatwehad,Danni?Ican'tbelieveyou'djustturnonmelike
this.Youhavetotellmewhy,tomyface.Youowemethatmuch."

Dannicrossedherarmsoverherchestdefensively."Idon'toweyouanything.It'sbad
enoughthatIfindmyselfpregnantbyamanIhardlyknow-"

"That'sthepoint,here.Youarepregnant.That'smychild.I'vehalfamindtodragyouinto
courtorsomething!"

Dannijumpedupandgotinhisface."AndI'vehalfamindtohoistyouupinthosestirrups!
Howdareyoucomeintothisbusymedicaloffice,upsettingmeanddemandingtodiscussthis
onyourterms,whentherearepatientssittingoutthere-"shepointedinthedirectionofthe

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waitingroom6`-needingmyattention!"

Mattjabbedafingerintohisbarechest."Ineedyourattention,woman!Andourchildneeds
bothourattentions-attention-whatever!"Hethrewhishandsupintheair.Wherethehellhad
thatvulnerable,soft,sexywomanintheCaribbeandisappearedto?

Thedoorbangedopenandthelittleredheadednurse,bug-eyedandbreathless,shouted,
"Dr.Danni,weneedyouinthewaitingroom!Lindsey'sseizing!"

Danniflewoutthedooranddownthehall,herlabcoatflappinglikewingsbehindher.Matt,
stillshirtless,wasrightonherheels.

Apregnantteenager-thefreckle-facedonewho'dsmiledatMatt-writhedinunconscious
agonyonthecarpet.Herfacewaspuffyandbeetred,herjawwasclamped,hereyesrolled
backinherhead.Aringofdistressedfemaleshoveredoverher,butthenurseswerealready
herdingthemaway,clearingthewayforDanni.CarolHolliswasonherkneesbesidethe
patient,protectingherabdomenfromherownthrashinglimbs.

DannidroppedtoherkneesoppositeCarol,supportedtheyoungwoman'shead,checked
hereyesandquietlyorderedasyringe,Valium,atourniquet.Therequesthavingapparently
beenanticipated,theitemsappearedinstantly.WhileCarolsteadiedthepatient'sarm,Danni
foundaveinandaskedinalowvoiceiftransporthadbeencalled.

"Yes,ma'am,"cametheanswer.

"Shannon-"Dannijerkedherheadatoneofherstaff"-getsecurityoutinthatparkinglotto
raisethegatesandclearthetraffic."

Matt'sfirst-respondertraininghadpreparedhimtodealwithanyemergencyanditwasallhe
coulddotokeephishandsoutoftheactionasCarolandDanniworked.

"GetanIVstarted,"Dannisaidassoonasshe'dshotinthelastofthecalmingValium."Kill
thelights,"sheorderedquietly."Closethosedrapes,andturnoffthatphone.Anythingcould
setheroffagain."

CaroldidnotletanythingdistractherworkontheotherarmasshequicklyinsertedanIV.
Danniputherstethoscopeinherearsandlistenedtothegirl'schest.Thensheraisedthe
girl'sshirtoverherbellyandpulleddownhermaternitypants.Shepalpatedthepatient's
abdomen,putherotherhandupand,withnootherordersneeded,aDopplerwasslapped
intoherpalmwhileanothernurseappliedbluegeltothespotDanniindicated.

"Let'sbequiet,"Mattsoftlyurgedthegroupofmurmuring,upsetwomenaroundhim.

Then,throughtheeye-wideningsilencecamethesound:asteady,fast,whoosh-whoosh-
whooshfromtheinnocentpassengercurledinsidetheendangeredyoungwoman.

"Babysoundsokay,"Dannisaid.

ApatientstandingnexttoMattletoutastifledsob,andhehelpedherlowerherselfintoa
chair.Thereceptionistaskedeveryonetomovetotheothersideofthewaitingroom.

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"Kelly,reschedulealltheroutineappointments,"Dannicalledoverhershoulder."Funnelany
problemcasesovertoStone'soffice."

"Yes,ma'am."Thereceptionistandanursestartedtodealwiththecrowdofpatients.

Theparamedicsarrivedthenandafreshupheavalstarted.MattwatchedasDannigave
themorders,too,andthenrushedoff,withoutsomuchasaglancebackathim,toridein
theambulancebesideherpatient.

Whentheyweregone,hesankdowninachair,stillshirtless,andforsomereasonfeelingso
badlyshakenhewantedtocry.

WasitbecausehisDanni-hethoughtofherthatway,ashis-waspregnant,too?And
becausenobodyelseknewit,nobodyinthewholedamnroomhadworriedaboutthestress
tohersystemfromdealingwithsuchahorrifyingemergency.Nobodybuthim.

FORTHENEXTTHREEDAYS,Danni'severywakingthoughtwasofLindseyWebber.
Othereventshappenedmechanically:eating,showering,evenofficevisitsanddeliveringtwo
oftheotherwomeninhercare.Alloflife,evensleep,wasovershadowedbyfear,frustration,
torment.Lindseywasgoingbad.Lindseywasonlyeighteen.

Dannicalledinaneurologist,aneuropharmacologist.TheICUteamwasnothingshortof
heroic,butintheend,theylostLindsey...andherbaby.

Intheend,Dannihadtofacethegirl'sparentsandthepimply-facedyounghusband.

Intheend,Dannihadtogohomeandtastedefeat,likeabittertoxin,risinginherthroat,
againandagain.

OLIVIAARRIVEDATDANNI'Shousebrightandearlythemorningafter,justasJackiewas
brewingcoffee.

"IwantedDannitogetsomesleepbeforewetalked,"sheexplainedasshepulledoffher
gloves,thenhercoat,andhandedthemtoJackie."Iassumeshe'llbeupsoon,togointo
theoffice."

"Yes,ma'am,"JackierepliedasshehungOlivia'scoatcarefully.Danni'smotherstruckterror
intoJackie'sheart.HervisitstoDanni'shomewererare,andalwaysseemed,toJackie,like
surpriseinspections.Especiallyatsixa.m.;especiallysinceOliviastoodthereincashmere
andwoolandfullmakeup,facingJackiewhowascladinMickeyMousesweatsandbigfuzzy
slippers.

"Dr.Danni'sintheshower.She'sgottwoinductionsstartingatseven.Shewantstogetthem
deliveredbeforetheweathergetsworse.ShallIhangupyourscarf?"Jackieneversaid
wordslike"shall"-exceptwhenshepulledthemoutforOlivia'sbenefit.

Oliviashookherheadanddrewhersilkshawltighteraroundher."I'llkeepthis.It'sfreezing
outthere.AndI'mafraidit'salreadysleeting.PoorDanni.Iwashopingshecouldrestabit
thismorningafter...afterwhathappened."

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"Yes,ma'am."

"Gomakeherabreakfasttray-somethinghotandnutritiousandfixmesomecoffee,with
cream,please,andbringitintothebedroom.I'mgoingintotalktoher."

"Yes,ma'am."

OLIVIAHEARDTHESHOWERrunningandtappedonthebathroomdoor."Danni,it's
Mother.Icametohavebreakfastwithyou."

Minuteslater,Danniemergedfromtheshowerinheroldpinkrobeandwithatowelaround
herhair."Mom,whatareyoudoinghere?"sheasked.

Olivia,whowasbentoverthetrayJackiehadbrought,straightenedandwincedasshe
lookedatherdaughter."Oh,sweetheart,youlooksotired,"shesaidsoftly.

"Now,Mom.Don'tstartworrying.Pregnantwomenarealwaystired."Dannicrossedthe
roomandgaveOliviaareassuringhug."Whatareyoudoinghere?"sherepeated,lookingat
thetrayoffoodasifshemightretch.

"CarolHollisphonedmelatelastnight.Iguessshefiguredyou'dbeneedingyourmother,
afterathinglikethat."Oliviastillheldabagelinonehand,aknifeladenwithcreamcheese
suspendedintheother.Shedroppedtheitemsbackonthetrayandextendedherarms."At
least,Iwashopingyou'dneedyourmother."

DannithrewherselfintoOlivia'sarms."Oh,Mom!"shecriedandburiedherfaceinthe
familiarsilkscarfonhermother'sshoulder.Foramomenttheystoodlikethat,Danniunable
tosayanything,andOliviawaitingpatiently.

FinallyDannistraightenedandlookedintohermother'seyes."Caroldoesn'tevenrealize
howbadthisisforme."Sheturnedherfaceaway."Shedoesn'tevenknowaboutLisa.I've
nevertoldanyone."

Oliviastrokedherdaughter'shair."Iknowit'sbeenanightmareforyou,"shesoothed."It
hasbeenforme,too,imaginingwhatyou'vebeengoingthroughtheselastthreedays."

Dannireleasedashuddering,exhaustedbreath."Shewassosweet!Hernameevensounds
likeLisa's.L-Lindsey."

OliviagraspedDanni'sshoulders."Sweetheart,listentome.Iwasafraidyou'dbethinking
likethis.WecanneverchangewhathappenedtoLisa,butwecan'tletittortureus,either.
Justlikethisgirl,therewasnothinganyonecouldhavedoneforLisa.You'vegottobelieve
that."

Dannishookherhead."You'rewrong,Mom.IknewwhatLisawasdoingwithJake.Icould
havetoldyouandDaddy.ButIdidn'twanthertothinkIwasababy!"

"Doyouhonestlythinkthatyou,amerefourteen-year-old,couldhavemadeanydifference
intheoutcome?"

"MaybenotwithLisa,butIbecameadoctorsoIcouldmakeadifferenceincaseslikethis!"

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Dannisighed."Atleast,Ithoughtthat'swhyIdidit.Now,I'mnotsosureofmyself."

HermothergaveDanni'sshouldersanothershake."Danni,stopit.Alldoctors,even
obstetricians,losepatients.Trytothinkofallthepatientsyou'vehelpedovertheyears.
Thinkofthegoodyou'vedone!"

Dannishookherheadinprotest."Ikeepthinking-whatifImissedsomethingcrucialwith
Lindsey?"Dannipacedafewfeetawayfromhermother,thenturned."I'vebeenso
distractedbymyowntroubleslately.Shewasoutinmywaitingroom-acloselymonitored
patientwithpregnancy-inducedhypertension-needingtoseeme,whileIwasbackinanexam
roomhavinganargumentwithMatt!"

"Matt?"

Dannilookedathermotherinhorror,realizingshe'dlethisnameslip.

OliviatookastepinDanni'sdirection,hesitatedbeforespeakingquietly."That'sthebaby's
father,isn'tit?Matt."Shewaited,butDannididn'tanswer.Finally,Oliviaclearedherthroat
andaddedgently,"Don'tyouthinkyoucouldatleasttellmehisname,Danni?Heis,after
all,thefatherofmygrandchild."

Danniwastoospenttoresisthermother.Letherdowhatshewantedwiththeinformation.
"Creed,"shewhisperedandhungherhead."Theman'snameisMatthewCreed."


CHAPTERSEVENTEEN

THATAFTERNOONTHESNOWbegantomelt,onlytoberefrozenintoaworsemessby
anotherbitterstormatnightfall.LikemostSouthwesterncities,Tulsadidnotkeepenough
roadequipmenttodealadequatelywithmassivewinterstorms,andearlythenextmorning,
whenOliviaGoodbyesummonedMatthewCreedtoherhomeonTerwillegerBoulevard,the
roadsweresolid,ruttedice.

Matthadpulledtwoextrashifts,fillingintomakeupforhistimeintheCaribbean-punishing
twenty-four-hourmarathonsofbattlingfireandice.Hewasdeadtiredashecameoutofthe
showeratthefirestationatseven-thirtythatmorning.

"Thewoman'smamawantsyoutodriveovertoTerwilleger?"Ty'svoicewashigh-pitched
withdismay."Inthisfriggin'weather?"

"MaybethisisawaytoreachDanni,"Mattreasonedasheyankedhisjeanson."She'snot
returningmycallsormypages.Ifigure,whathaveIgottolose?"

"Yourneck!Youhaven'thadanysleepandthestreetsarecoatedwithice!"

"IpromiseI'lltakeanicelongnappyassoonasIseewhatMrs.OliviaGoodlovehastosay,"
hesaidashebuttonedhisshirt.

"Look.Ifyou'regonnago,atleasttakemyJeepinsteadofthathunk-o-junkpickup."Ty
tossedthekeysontoMatt'sbunk.

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MattarrivedattheGoodlovemansion,withitshighhedgesandlowstonebalusters
separatingitfromthestreet,andheunderstoodwhytheoldgirlhadfeltfreetosummon
him,badweatherornot.Mrs.Goodlove'ssidewalksandwindingbrick-paveddrivewaywere
completelydryandclear.Hiredhelptoshovelthesnow.Anotherofthoseamenitiestherich
takeforgranted,Mattthoughtashewoundaroundancienttreesandupthesteepslopeto
themassivebrick-and-stonehouse.

Hecouldimagineanynumberofreasonswhythiswomanhadcalledhim:todemandthathe
takeresponsibilityforhisactions?Well,hell,he'dtried.Topayhimoff?Don'tneedyour
money,lady.Toseewhatkindofstockherfuturegrandchildwouldissuefrom?Mattlooked
downathisbarnjacket,well-wornjeans,andscuffedcowboyboots.Asimplefireman,
ma'am.

Buttherealquestionwas,whyhadheagreedtocomehere?Thismatterwasbetweenhim
andDanni.Thischildwastheirchild.Mrs.Goodlovehadbetterrememberthat,orhe'dbe
morethanhappytoremindherofit.

Hejerkedontheparkingbrake,gotout,slammedtheJeep'sdoorandstoodassessingthe
placeforaminute.Threestoriesofporticoes,balconies,turrets.Jeez.

Sothisiswhereshe'dgrownup-inthebosomofluxury,astheysay.Whyhadawomanlike
DaimiGoodloveeverdatedaguylikehiminthefirstplace?

Henoticedashadowymovementbehindoneofthehighleaded-glasswindows.Hetugged
onthebrimofhiswell-worncowboyhatandrolledhisshouldermusclesuncomfortably,asif
hisjacketweresuddenlytootight.

Thereasonshe'ddatedhimhadbeenobvioussincethetriptotheCaribbean,hadn'tit?
Okay,she'dgottenwhatshewanted,plusalittlebonus.Troublewas,hecouldn'tstop
thinkingaboutthat"littlebonus."Andheadoreditsmother.

Hesaunteredupthebroad,scraped-cleanstonestepsandpushedtheintercombutton.A
femalevoiceanswered."Yes?"

"MatthewCreedtoseeMrs.Goodlove,"heinformedthespeaker.
Twosecondslater,aslenderwomanwithablondbunopenedthefrosted-glassdoor."Mrs.
Goodlove?"hesaid.

"No.IamMonika,Mrs.Goodlove'sdayhelper."

Mattfelthimselfturnred.Ofcourse,amaid.Withanaccent,noless.

"Comein,please."Sheescortedhimintoalongentryhallthatwasprobablybiggerthanhis
apartment,tookhishatandjacket,thenaskedhimtohaveaseatonabenchasifhewere
somedoor-to-doorsalesman.

Mattsatlisteningtoagrandfatherclocktickofftheseconds,willinghimselftobecalm.He
rubbedatthecreaseonhisforeheadleftbyhishatbandandrakedhishandthroughhishair
acoupleoftimes,butrefusedtocheckhisappearanceinthemassivemirrorbehindhim.

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"Mr.Creed?"Anamazinglyelegantandbeautifulwomanappearedattheendofthelong
foyerandextendedaslenderbejeweledhandasshewalkedtowardhim.Shewaspetite,
slender,almostbirdlike,withfadedblondhair,paleskin,anaristocraticmouth.Onlythehigh
cheekbonesandcleargreeneyeswerethesameasDanni's.Shewasdressedforthe
occasion-whateverthatwasgoingtobe-headtotoeinexpensivewoolandfineleather
accessories.

"IamOliviaGoodlove,"shesaidinasonorous,modulatedvoice-whydidsocietywomen
alwayshavethoseLaurenBacallvoices?"Thankyousomuchforcoming."Andwhydidthey
alwaysknowexactlywhattosay?

Shetookhishandlightly.Hethoughtheshouldsaysomething,butwhat?

"Nicetomeetyou,"hemuttered,although,truthbetold,itwasn'tatall.

"Won'tyoucomeintothelibrary?Monikahasbeenkindenoughtolayoutsomecoffeeand
pastriesforus."

"Sure."Henodded.

Sheledtheway.

Therewasamomentofextremediscomfort,atleastforMatt,whileshepouredthecoffee
fromanornatesilvercoffeepotandhelookedaroundtheroom.Afireblazedinthehuge
stonefireplace.Hewonderedfleetinglyiftheoldgirlhadallthechimneysinthisjointcleaned
asoftenassheshould.Usuallypeopledidn't.

Hesippedthecoffeeandstudiedherovertherimofthefancychinacup.Shedidn'tlook
particularlyhostile.

"Well!"Shesmiled,thensippedhercoffee."Isupposeyou'rewonderingwhyIcalledyou."

Mattnodded,givingheraslight,assessingfrown.

"Thesimpletruthis,Daniellehastoldmethatyouarethefatherofherbaby,andIthought
weshouldmeet,cleartheair,cometosomekindofcooperativearrangement."

"Cooperativearrangement"?Whatthehelldoesthatmean?Buthekeptsilent.Mattwas
goodatlettingpeopletalkthemselvesout.

"Firstofall-pleaseforgivemeifIseemtobeprying,butwehavetostartsomewhere,don't
we?-whatdoyoudoforaliving?"

"I'mafireman."

"Oh!Howexciting!"

Mattthoughtshesaidthatalittletooquickly,andwonderedwhatshereallythoughtofhis
profession.

"Andhowdidyoumeetmydaughter?"

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"Shestitchedupmyarmintheemergencyroom.Didabang-upjob."

Hersmilebrightened,genuinelythistime.Hesupposedshewasproudofherdaughter,the
doctor."Andthen?"

"Andthenshecalledmeforadate."

OliviaGoodlove'ssmiledimmedforasecond-hesupposedcallingamanwasagainstthe
rulesforladieslikeher-thenshesmiledbravelyagain.
"Oh,my,Iforgethowtimeshavechanged.Andthen,onceyourrelationshipgrew,you
accompaniedhertotheCaribbeanfortheobstetricians'conference?"sheprompted.

"No."Mattleanedforwardandsethiscupandsauceronthemarble-toppedtable."Ifollowed
herthereandseducedher.Listen,"hecontinuedquicklybeforeshecouldreacttothat.
"Let'scuttothechase,here.DanniandIaregoingtobeparents.Butshehasn'tletmein
onthatdeal.Anythingyoucoulddotohelphercometohersenseswouldbeappreciated."

Heheardthechinarattleasherhandshook.Shesetthecupandsaucerdowncarefully,
frowned,stood,smoothedherhigh-dollarskirt,andwalkedtotheloftywindows.

"You'vegottorealize,Mr.Creed,"shesaidwithoutturningfromthesnowyview,thatmy
daughterisonestubbornyoungwoman.Shehasaccomplishedeverysinglethingshehas
eversetouttodoinlife,nomatterwhatthecost,nomatterwhattheobstacles.Ifsheis
determinedtohavethisbabyalone,I'mafraidthereisverylittleIcandoaboutit."Shelaida
handonthewindowsashasifforsupport."Infact,sheisgoingtobeterriblyupsetwithme
forcontactingyou."Hershouldersslumpedandherelegantappearancedissolvedina
postureofdefeat."Ijustdidn'tknowwhatelsetodo.Yousee,thetruthis,mydaughteris
hurtingterribly."

Mattwatchedtheblindingwintersunglintoffherdiamond-cladfingersastheolderwoman
raisedashakyhandtoherbrow,andhefeltasuddenwaveofcompassionforher."Danni
doesn'tknowyoucalledme?"heasked.

"No."

"Isee."Hethoughtaboutthatwhilehestudiedher.Shestaredoutatthesnowasifseeing
somethingfaraway,andaroundhereyestherewasalookoflong-bornepain."Sowhydid
youcallme?"

Straighteninghershoulders,sheturnedtohim."Truthfully?Iwantedtoseewhatyouwere
like.Imustsay,IcanunderstandDanni'sattractiontoyou.ButIhadadeepermotive.MayI
showyousomething?"

Sheledhimtoasmallerroomthatlookedlikeanoffice.Shereachedacrossthedeskand
handedMattasilver-framedphotographofanoldergentlemaninasuit.Thoughsmiling
pleasantly,somethingabouthimlookedformidableand-thisstartledMatt-alittlelikeanolder
versionofhimself.Despitehisglassesandrecedinghairline,theolderman'sresemblanceto
Danniwasalsoobvious.

"ThisisDanni'sfather,"shesaidsimply.

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Mattstaredatthepicture."Whereishe?"heaskedquietly.

"Longdead,"Oliviaansweredjustasquietly.Shetookthepicture,touchedtheglassgently
andplaceditbackonthedesk,facingthem."Buthisnameliveson.Andsodoeshis
influence."

Mattrubbedhiseyeswiththumbandforefingerasifwipingasuddenrealizationaway.
"ConradGoodlove."Hesighed."GoodloveOil."Hestaredupattheceiling,impatientwithhis
ownthickheadedness.

"Youhadn'tmadetheconnection?"sheaskedkindly.

Helookedatthewoman."No.IjustthoughtofDanniasDanni.Inevergaveherlastname-
herfamily-muchthought.Sorry."

"Ihopeyou'llgiveussomethoughtnow,Mr.Creed.Becauseweareall
inextricablylinkedbythisbaby.Inmanymorewaysthanyourealize."

"Ifyou'retalkingabouttheGoodlovefortune,don't.I'mgoingtosupportmychild."He
jabbedhischest."I'mtakingpartinthiskid'slife.Myway.Idon'twant-orneed-anypartof
theGood-lovemoney."

"Please-"Oliviaraisedanimploringpalm"-Iwasspeakingofouremotionalconnection,ofour
mutualinterestinthisbaby'swelfare.Andthereareotherthingsyoudon'tunderstand.
Thingsthatmakethisbabynoordinarybaby.Willyoupermitmetoshowyousomething
else?"

Onceagainheallowedhimselftobeledtoanotherhugeroom.Thisonelookedlike
somethingfromthecoverofSouthernLiving.Agrandpiano.Livefloralarrangementsinthe
deadofwinter.Ablazingfireateighto'clockinthemorning.

Sheshowedhimtoaspotinfrontofthefireplace,andpointedtoahugepaintingaboveit.
MattrecognizedachildhoodDanniatonce.Anolderchild,whoresembledthedelicate
Olivia,huggedher.Theirradiant,innocentsmilesbroughtalumptohisthroat.Heimagined-
hoped-thatheandDanniwouldhaveachildthatbeautiful."Danni?"heasked.

Olivianodded."Andheroldersister,Lisa."-Dannihasabigsister?"

"Had.Lisadiedwhenshewasseventeen."

Mattglancedsidewaysatthewoman,notsurehehadheardhercorrectly.Buthehad.He
couldseethesheenoftearsinhereyesasshegazedsteadilyattheportrait.Allhecould
thinktosaywas,"I'msosorry."Thenheaddedsoftly,"How?"

"Eclampsia.Shewasonlytwoweeksawayfromchildbirth."

Inthatinstant,Mattwashitbyaslewofsuddenrealizations.WasthiswhyDanniwasstill
afraidofsexattheageofthirty-four?Otherquestionsswarmedinhishead.Howoldwas
Danniwhenhersisterdied?Whathappenedtothebaby?Tothefatherofthebaby?What
happenedtothisfamilyafterthat?Howdidyoueversurvive?Afterwhathe'dseenin

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OklahomaCity,he'dthoughtthatnothingcouldpiercehimanymore.Butthisdid.Thiswas
Danni.

"Idon'tknowwhattosay.Thatmusthavebeensohorribleforyou-forallofyou,for
Danni...."Hisvoicetrailedoffandhelookedupattheportrait,tryingtoimagineDanni,still
aninnocentgirl,losingasisterthatway."Oh,God,"hemurmured."That'swhoshewas
talkingabout."

"What?"Oliviaaskedasifshedidn'tunderstand.

"Danni...thatfirstnight...shetalkedaboutlosingsomeoneandfeelinglikeshe'dneverget
overit.Ithoughtitwassomeguyinherpast-youknow,aboyfriend."

Oliviastartedtospeakagain,thenhesitatedforamomentandfixedhergazesteadilyonthe
portraitbeforecontinuing."DanniandLisaweresoclose.Calledeachother'sissy'allthe
timeasajoke.Lisawasquiteacase.Verybright.Verywitty.Rebellious.Danniadoredher.
Danniwasonlyfourteenwhenithappenedandshe'sfeltalonelinessever...."Hervoice
faltered,thensheclearedherthroat,squaredhershoulders."IadmitthatattimesIhaven't
knownhowtohelpmyowndaughter."

MatttoweredoverOlivia,butlookingdownatthistinywomanherealizedhewasinthe
presenceofaspecialperson.HerunselfishconcernforDanniwhenherownpainmusthave
beenenormoustouchedhim."I'mreallysosorry,"herepeated.

Shelookedupathim,directlyintohiseyesforasecond,thenturnedhergazebacktothe
portrait."Lisa'sbabydiedwithher,sowithConradgone,DanniisallIhavenow.Sheismy
entireconcern.Iwonderifyouknowthatafewdaysagoshehadapatientgobad."

"Iwastherewhenithappened."

Sheturnedheraristocratichead,studiedhim.

"Yes.Shementionedthat.Youwenttoheroffice?"

"Yeah.Butshedidn'tlikeit.Imadeanappointmentasapatientandwehadabigfightinan
examroom."

Shesmiled,assessedhimwithobviousadmirationinhereyes."Youmightprevailinthis,
afterall,Mr.Creed."

"We'llsee.Shehasn'treturnedmycallssincethatshowdown.ButIwashoping-orguessing,
Ishouldsay-it'sbecauseshe'spreoccupiedwithherpatient."

Olivia'sfacecloudedwithsorrow."I'mafraidthepoorgirldied...andsodidherbaby."

"No."Matttooktwostepsbackandsanktothecouch."PoorDanni,"hemumbled.

Oliviasighed,loweredherselftothecouchnexttohim."Yes.Thathasalwaysbeenmyworst
fearforDanni,thatshewouldloseapatientthesamewayLisadied.Shebecameadoctor
inreactiontoLisa'sdeath.Danniistakingthislossbadly,asthoughitweresomekindof
personalfailure."

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Mattnodded.Iftherewasanythingheunderstood,itwastheneedtobeahero,tobelieve
youhadthemeanstorescuesomeonefromtragedy,andthepainoffailingatthat.

Oliviawentoncalmly."ConradandDannibothchangedafterLisadied.Conradhadbeen
outgoing-arisktaker-andovernighthebecamequieter,repressed,controlling.Mostlyhe
controlledDanni.Andshelethim.Itwasherwayofeasing
hispain,Isuppose.I'mafraidDanni'sbeentryingtomakeupforLisa'sdeathallofherlife."

Mattswallowed,lookedupattheportraitofDanniandherlostsister."Doyouthinkshe's
feelingscarednow-nowthatshe'spregnantherself?"

AsoftnesscameoverOlivia'sexpression,andforamomentshepressedherlipstogetheras
ifholdingbackanimmensefloodofemotion.

"Mr.Creed-"shebeganinawhisperthenstrengthenedhervoice"-thefactthatyouwould
evenconsidersuchapossibilitytellsmeagreatdealaboutyou."Shemanagedabrave
smile."Andwithoutknowinganotherthing,Iamalreadygladmygrandchildwillhaveyoufor
afather."

Mattdidn'tknowwhattosay."Fathersareimportant,"hesaidsimply."AndIthinkmybaby
deservesagoodone."

Olivia'ssmilesoftened."Iagree,Mr.Creed.ButI'mafraidwithmydaughterthereislittle
eitherofuscandotochangehermind."

Mattleanedforwardonthecouch,bracedhiselbowsonhiswidespreadkneesandfoldedhis
hands,thenglancedupattheportraitagain."Oh,there'splentyIcando,"hesaid;andhis
deepvoicehadasuddenedgetoit."Icantakehertocourtandsueherforjointcustody."

Oliviaansweredquickly,inavoicethathadanedgeofitsown."Nastylegalproceedingswill
solvenothing.Besides,youhavenoclaimtothebaby.Shewouldhavetonameyouasthe
fatherforyoutohaveanylegalstanding.

TherewassilenceforafewsecondswhileMatletherwordssinkin,thenhespoke."Your
daughterdidn'ttellyou?"

Olivialookedconfused.Poised,bututterlyconfused.

"Mrs.Goodlove,yourdaughterandIarealreadymarried."

OliviaGoodloveblinkedpolitely,asifweighingherwordscarefullybeforeresponding.Matt
hadtohandittothiswoman-sheseemedasintelligentandunflappableasherbeautiful
daughter.

"Married?"shesaidatlast,quietly.

"I'mafraidso."

"Afraidso?"Sheshookherhead,asifhiswordsconfusedher."ButIdon'tunderstand.
How?When?"

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"IntheCaribbean."Mattfelthisshoulderstense.Howthehellwashegoingtoexplainthis?
"Youcangetmarrieddownthere,onshortnotice."

Oliviafrowned,lookedathimsuspiciously."Wasthisbeforeorafteryou...seducedher?"

Mattfrowned."Before."

"Danniallowedthis...thismarriage?"

"Danniwantedit.Atleastsheseemedtountilitwastimetocomebacktoherreallife."

"Isee."Oliviabitherlip,andsuddenlyMattcouldseeastrongerresemblancebetweenDanni
andhermother.Theylookedsimilar-absolutelyawful-whentheywereabouttocry.

Shebentherhead."I'msorry.It'sjust-"Shebitherlipagain,strugglingforcontrol.

"Youwantedsomethingbetterforyourdaughter,"hefinishedforher.

Shenodded,andatearescapedandrolleddownthesideofherpatriciannose.Shemadea
delicatedabatit."Pleasedon'ttakeoffense,"sherushedtoadd."Thisisn'taboutsocial
position.It'sjustthatweareaChristianfamily.I'dalwayshopedDanniwouldmarryinthe
Church,haveaproperwedding,afestiveone."

"Yeah,Icanimaginethat,"Mattsaid,lookingaroundtheeleganthouse,picturingthekindof
enormoussocietyweddingthiswomanwouldconsider"proper"and"festive."

AsfortheChristianpart,well,hethoughtofhimselfasone,too-althoughvery,veryprivately.
YouneededGodinhisbusiness.Youneededthoseprayers.Butthetruthwas,hehadn't
thoughtaboutGodorprayerwhenhe'dmarriedDanni.Allhe'dthoughtaboutwasDanni-
havingher;holdingher;pleasingher.

"Imarriedhertomakeherhappy,"heexplained,thenrealizedhowlamethatsounded,and
continued,"Atthetime,Ireallythoughtitwaswhatshewanted."

Oliviaroseandpluckedtwotissuesoutofaboxonanearbytable."Oh,I'mnotaccusingyou
ofanythinguntoward.Danniisanadult.So,nowwhatdoyouproposetodo?"

"Shedoesn'thavetostaymarriedtome.ForallIknow,she'salreadygettingadivorceoran
annulmentorwhatever.ButIdowantthebaby.Thebabyismychild,too.Whatever
happenedordidn'thappenbetweenmeandyourdaughter,thatdoesn'tchange.Thebabyis
mine."

"Yes.AndthebabyisDanni's.I'mcountingonthatto...Idon'tknow.Thingschangewhen
babiesarrive.Haveyouevernoticedthat,Mr.Creed?"

Mattnodded.

"ThenIguessthisisbetweenyouandDanni.ItseemsyouandIdon'thaveanythingmore
todiscuss."

"You'reright.ThisisbetweenDanniandme."Finallyhe'dsaidwhathe'dplannedtosayin

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thebeginning,butithadn'thappenedwithrancorandanimosity,thewayhe'dimaginedit
would.Insteadhefeltagenuinesympathyforthiswoman,whohadnooneinherlifenow-no
onebutherstubborn,workaholicdaughter.Thensomethingdawnedonhim.Hestoodand
facedOlivia."Thebabyisyours,too,"hesaidkindly."Agrandchild.Someoneelsetolove."

Oliviastoppedherdabbingandexaminedhimoverhertissue.Shelowereditandsmiled."Mr.
Creed-"

"MyfriendscallmeMatt."

"Matt.Despiteallthat'sgonewrongbetweenyouandDanni,ImustrepeatthatI'mglad
you'remygrandchild'sfather.Youseemlikeadecentman,akindman."

Mattlookeddown,pulledbackonecornerofhismouthinembarrassment."Decent"and
"kind."ToobadDannididn'tseehimthatway.Butyoucouldn'twinthemall.Atleastthere
wasstillthebaby.Hecouldholdontothebaby.

"Mrs.Goodlove,Ipromisetotakegoodcareofyourgrandchild.Fairenough?"

Shesmiledandreachedupandsqueezedhisforearm.Throughhisflannelshirtsleeve,her
palmfeltwarm,likeDanni'salwayswere."Fairenough,"shesaid."Butpleasedon'tgiveup
onDanni,notjustyet.She'sgoingthroughaverybadtimeandsheneedsourhelp.And
pleasecallmeOlivia.Afterall,fornowatleast,Iamyourmother-in-law."
AtlastMattsmiled.Shereallywasacoololdgal."Iguess,forthe
timebeing,you'restuckwithme."Hegrewsolemnagain,thinking."I'llpromiseyouoneother
thing,Olivia.I'mgoingtodomybesttokeepitthatway."

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

LATERTHATDAY,THEWEATHERgrewworse.Asecondblizzardblewdownofftheplains
ofKansasandcoatedthetreesandstreetswithsomuchicethatlifeinTulsafrozetoa
standstill.Powerlinescollapsedallovertown,andwithoutelectricity,homeownersused
candlesandfireplacesindesperateattemptstogeneratelightandheat.Itwasevery
firefighter'snightmare.Icyroadshamperedemergencyvehicles.Everyfirecallwasgoingto
feeltwiceaslongandtwiceashard.

Matt,likealltheotherfirefighters,triedtosetasidehispersonalproblemsandfocusonthe
situation.Witheveryshiftcertaintobeanendurancetest,gettingenoughsleepandcalories
intheoff-hoursbecameeachman'spriority.

ButafterMatthadleftOlivia's,grabbedsomefastfood,andreturnedTy'sJeep,hesuffered
throughanafternoonoffitful,inadequatesleep.

He'ddriftoff,thinkingofDanni,ofhersadpast,andwakeupentangledinthecoversand
baddreams.

He'dgetup,gotothebathroom,gulpdownaglassofwater,peekaroundthetinfoilhe'dput
overhiswindowstocutthesnowyglare,thenthrowhimselfbackonthebedandtryagain.

Finally,whenheawokefromadifferentkindofdream,sprawledonhisbelly,hardasarock,

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hegaveuponsleep.HeletMissVerbenaouttosprinklethesnow,thenfilledherfoodand
waterdishes.

Heshowered,dressedandwalkedthefiveicyblocksbacktoTy'stoaskifhecouldusethe
Jeepagain-thistimetogofindDanni.

Tytriedtotalkhimoutofit-stalledhimwithabeer,fedhimsomechili."Matt,buddy,"he
implored,"don'tgetintothiswithhernow.It's-"heglancedattheclockonhisCDplayer"-it's
almostnineo'clockatnight.Andyoulooklikeyoucouldusesomemoresleep.Thegreen
shiftalreadyhasthreeguysoutwithinjuries.Whatiftheyhavetocallyouinearly?"

Mattwasalreadypullingonhisheavyparkaanddamphikingboots."I've
gottotrytotalktoher.Youdon'tknowherstateofmind.She'spregnant.DidItellyou
that?"

"Jackiedid."

"Figures.She'salsodepressedaboutthelossofapatient.Ikeeppicturinghersittinginthat
bighousewithnolightsandnoheat.Ihavetocheckonheranddon'twanttowaituntilafter
Ipullanothertwenty-four-hourshift."Hestoodandheldupapalm.

Tyshruggedandtossedthekeys.Mattcaughtthem."Thanks,pal,"hesaidanddisappeared
intothefrozennight.

ATDANNI'SHOUSEJACKIEansweredthedarkeneddoorinsweats,loudstripedleg
warmers,aman'sskivest,apairofredwoolglovesandanoldcobalt-blueUniversityof
Tulsastockingcap.

"Youguyswithoutheat?"Mattaskedandmuscledpastherintothedarkfoyerwithoutbeing
invited.

Jackieslammedthedooragainstthewind."Canyoubelieveit?Sincethismorning.Nothing
workswithoutelectricity.Can'tcook.Can'tiron.Eventhegascentralheaterdoesn'twork."
Shehuffed."Atleastit'ssocoldthefoodwon'trot."

Matttookinthesituationwithoneglance.Everysurfacehadacandleburningonit,andthe
fireinthefireplaceblazedhotenoughtosmeltiron.Evenso,withitsbanksofnakedglass
andten-footceilings,thehousewasascoldasameatlocker.

"Dannishouldn'tbehereinhercondition."HeturnedonJackieaccusingly."Takehertoa
damnedshelter!"Mattchargedbacktowardthekitchen,thenthemastersuite,lookingfor
Danni."Ortakehertohermom's!"hecalledasheturnedintothecentralhallway."Thatpart
oftownstillhaspower.Danni!"hebellowedintothedarknessatthebackofthehouse.

"Sheain'there!"Jackieholleredbackathim.Hestoppedandwalkedintothelivingroom.
"Wherethehellisshe?"

"Atthehospital.Everybodythatwastherewhenthesecondstormhitstayedon.Icedin.
She'llbesleepinginthedoctors'lounge."Jackiefoldedherarmsoverherbillowybosom
smugly."Allcozy.Shedoesn'tevenknowourpower'sout.Ifigure,whyworryher?Herplate

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isfulloverthere.They'llgetthepowerbackonsoon."

"Maybe.I'llcallherlateranyway."Mattmarchedbacktowardthefrontdoor,thenturned.
"Meanwhileyouputallthisstuffout-"hesweptahandatthecandlesandthefire"-andgo
somewherewarm.Therearesheltersopenallovertheplace.RightoveratFirstMethodist."
Hepointedinthegeneraldirectionofthechurch."Youunderstand?"

Hedidn'tevenseewhenJackiedismissedhimwiththewaveofherpalm,becausehe'd
alreadyjoggedhalfwaydownthesidewalktoTy'sJeep.

JackiedecidedmaybesheshouldcallDr.Danniandtellheraboutthepoweroutage.She
pickedupthephone,whichwasdead.Well,terrific.Okay.MaybesheshoulddowhatMatt
hadsaidandgoovertoFirstMethodist-justforthenight.Therewasnochancethather
littleToyotawouldmakeitallthewayacrosstowntoherownmama'shouse.

ShewenttotheutilityroomtocheckonPearlandSmokyandfinallyfoundthemonDanni's
bed.Thedogsraisedtheireyebrows,butnottheirheads,atthesightofJackie'sflashlight.
Shesmiledatthem.

"Sorry,guys,Iexpectdoggiesaren'tgonnabewelcomeatFirstMethodist."Still,shefelt
guiltyleavingthemalone,soshespreadDanni'sthreehundred-dollarRalphLaurenwool
coverletovertheirsleekbodies.Shecarriedtheirwaterdishinfromthespotbythefireplace
whereshe'dkeptitthroughoutthecoldevening,andhopeditwouldn'tfreezeupbeforethe
powerwasrestored.

Thenshewentintothecavernouskitchen,intendingtogetwatertodousetheliving-room
fireplace,butwhensheturnedonthetap,nothingcameout."Oh,myLord,"shebreathed.
"Thepipesmustbefrozen."

Shewentintothelivingroomandheapedashesupoverthefireuntiltheflameswentout,
thenbuttedthebrassscreenupasclosetothemarblemantelasshecouldfitit."That'll
havetodo,"shesaidnervously,forshedidn'tlikeleavingthecoalslikethis.Butthen,she
rationalized,whatcouldhappen?

Therewasafullthree-footwidthofhearthbetweenthecarpetandthefireplace.Shespent
somesecondsdebatingaboutclosingtheflue,thinkingthatifshedidthehousemightstay
warmer;butthensheworriedthatthecoalswouldsmokethelivingroom.Dr.Danniwould
surebepissedaboutthat.Sheleftitopen.

Alreadythehouseseemedcolder.Jackieshudderedandwenttofetchhercoat,pillow,and
carkeys.Thenshehurriedaroundtheplace,carefullyextinguishingeverysinglecandle.

Nosoonerhadsheclosedthedoorbehindher,thananemberpopped.


CHAPTERNINETEEN

DANNIRUBBEDHERSOREneckmusclesasshewalkedthroughthedressingroomtothe
doctors'loungearea.Theanteroomwiththereclinerwasnormallyallthedoctorseverused,
exceptinextremesituationslikethis.Thesmallinnerroomfeltsterile,untouched,withonly

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twonarrowbunksthatweretightlymadeup,abedsidetablewithaboxoftissuesontop,a
microwavethathadneverevenbeenturnedon-thedigitalclockonitread9:43p.m.-anda
dormrefrigeratorthatwasasemptyastherowoflockersalongonewall.

Danniwentinandclosedthedoor,shuttingoutthenoiseandlightfromthelabor-and-
deliveryunit.Theblindswereopen,andthethreelargewindowsrevealedanightscape
frozeninpainfulwhiteness.Withonlyemergencygeneratorpower,thehospitalhadno
parking-lotlightsandbeyondthat,mostofthesurroundingareawasdark.Atleastthe
cloudshadclearedenoughforthemoontocomeout.Asfarastheeyecouldsee,white
rooftopsandtreesreflectedmoonlightlikeapeacefulChristmasscene,aglowwithaneerie
calmness.

Dannishuffledtothenearestbunkandfloppedontoit.Shedidn'tevenhavetheenergyto
closetheblindsorstripbackthecovers;shetuggedthehospital-issue
cordedspreadaroundherselflikeacocoon.She'dreallychewoutapatientiftheytriedto
workthishardintheirfirsttrimester.

Assoonasshelaystill,shethoughtofMatt.Ithadprobablybeenfoolishtotakehiscalla
whileago.Shesupposedshe'dhavetoseehimsoonerorlater,butnotatthehospital,for
cryingoutloud.Therewasnoprivacyhere.SomeonebackinLaborandDeliveryhadeven
pickedupthelineandlistenedinjustasshe'dsaid,"Matt,please.Idon'twanttoseeyou
rightnow."Shecutthecallshort.

Shewassoweary.Wouldthereeverbetime,inherschedule,tosortoutadecentpersonal
life?

Itseemedasifshe'dbeenasleeponlysecondswhenshesensedapresence-someone
standingoverherinthedark.Sheopenedhereyes,sawthetallsilhouetteofamale,and
jumped.

"Isn'tthemoonlightbeautiful?"heasked.

"Roger."Shefoughttoorientherself-howlonghadsheslept?"Issomethingwrong?"What
washedoingbackherewhenitwasherturntosleep?

"No.Nothing'swrong.Ijustwantedtocheckonyou.Imustsay-"hisvoicetookona
huskinessthatmadeDanniuncomfortable"-youlookbeautifullyingtherelikethat."

Dannifeltaninneralarmrising.Whatthehellwashedoinginhere?

Sherubbedhereyesandstruggledtositup,intendingtotellhimonceandforalltostop
commentingonherlooks,butbeforeshecould,hesatdownonthebunk,forcingherhips
overagainstthewall,pinningher.

"Roger,I'mtryingtogetsomesleep."Shemanagedtopushherselfup.

Hetwistedaroundandreachedouttomassagethemusclesoneithersideofherneck.
"We'vebothbeenworkingtoohard.Howdoesthatfeel?"hemurmured.Hisfacewasso
closebesidehersthatshecouldfeelhisbreath-hot,andfoulwiththesmellofcoffee.

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Shecouldn'tseehiseyesbecausehishairhadfloppedforward,shadowingthem,butinthe
moonlightshecouldclearlyseehislips.Theywereglistening.Wet.Partedinlust.

Dannifeltasuddenpanic.Herheartthuddedagainstherchest.ShemovedaroundBryant
andstoodup.

"Whatareyoudoing?"shedemandedaccusingly,tryingtokeephervoicesteady.

"I'vebeenwaitingforthechancetobealonewithyouforalongtime,"heanswered
smoothly.

Dannistoodthere,foramomenttooshockedtorespond.

"We'rebothadults,"Bryantcontinued."There'snoonearoundonthenightshift,especially
withthebadweather.Noonewillbotherus."

Dannihadtofightagainstallherpreconceivednotions,thepartofherthatwouldnever
believeacolleaguecapableofsuchbasebehavior.Butitwashappening,whethershe
wantedtobelieveitornot.

"Justrelax,"Bryantcontinued."LikeyoudidintheCaribbeanwithyourhiredman."

Danni'swholebodyscreamedwithasurgeofsheerrevulsion,thensheheardanoiseinthe
outerroom.Bryantseemedobliviousashemovedclose,andgrabbedherarm.

"Danni?"Matt'svoicecalledoutjustasthedoorswungopenandMattstoodsilhouettedin
thelightfromtheouterroom.

Bryantfroze.

Danniwrenchedherselffreeofhisgrip.

"How'dyougetinhere?"BryantturnedonMatt."Thesequartersareoff-limitstoeveryone
butphysicians."

"Danni?"Mattrepeated,hisvoiceindicatingthathesensedsomethingwaswrong."Is
everythingallright?"

"N--"

"Isaid,thisareaisprivate,"BryantinterruptedandsteppedinfrontofDanni."Nowgetout
beforeIcallsecurity."

MattsquintedatDanni.Shedidn'tlookright.Shelookedshaken,pale."Idon'tthinkso.I
cametoseeDr.Goodlove."

"IthinkshesawallofyoushewantedtointheCaribbean."BryantshovedatMatt-a
mistake.Mattjerkedhimoffhisfeetandbody-slammedhimface-firstagainstthelockers.

"Matt!"Danniyelled.

"LetgobeforeIchargeyouwithassault!"Bryantsaidashetriedtotwistaround.

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MattwasalreadyregrettinghislossofcontrolbutstillhegaveBryantashakethatcaused
thelockerstorattleasiftheymightfalloffthewallbeforeheturnedBryantloose.Matttook
adeepbreath."Didhehurtyou?"heaskedDanni.

Dannishookherhead."No,butIthinkhehadeveryintention-"

"She'scrazy!"Bryantsputtered,thendabbedathisbleedingnoseandlookedattheblood
onhisfingertipsasifhecouldn'tbelieveit."Iwasgivingherashoulderrubandshestarted
comingontome."

MattignoredhimandaskedDanni,"Doyouwantmetocallthepolice?"

DannilookedupatMattwithhorror."Youmeanpresssomesortofcharges?"

"Forwhat?"Bryantdemanded."Ifanybody'sgoingtopressanycharges,it'sme."

MattstayedfocusedonDanni'sface,readingher."I'llcallthepoliceifyouwantmeto,"he
offeredagain.

Danniturnedawayandrubbedherforehead.Eventhoughsheknewitwasn'trational,she
feltvaguelyresponsibleforBryant'sactions.Asifsheshouldhavedonesomethingto
discouragehimsooner.Andinreality,nothingofanyconsequencehadhappened.

Bryantstumbledovertotheboxofhospitaltissuesonthebedsidetable,toreoutawadand
pressedthemtohisbloodynose.

Matttookathreateningstepforward."Getthehelloutofhere,"hesaidthroughclenched
teeth.

Bryantstartedtowardthedoor."You'dbetterwatchyourstep-"hepointedthewadof
bloodytissuesatMattandhishandshook"-assaultingadoctoronduty."

Mattboundedacrosstheroom,grabbedthefrontofBryant'slabcoatandhauledhimupto
withinaninchofhisnose."I'mherhusband,Doctor.Andfromnowon,youstayawayfrom
herorI'llbreakyourneck."

"Matt,"Danniinterjected."Lethimgo."

MattgaveBryantashoveashereleasedhislapels.

Bryantstraightenedhislabcoat,lookedatDanniandmuttered,"Husband?You'vegottobe
kidding!Servesyourightforgoingslumming,"ashebackedoutoftheroom.

Hedidn'tbothertoclosethedoorbehindhim,andasthelightfromtheouterroomslanted
inonDanni'sface,Mattwasshockedbyherappearance.Hercheekswerehollowandshe
haddarkcirclesunderhereyes.Allthisextraworkandlosingapatientinherfirstfewweeks
ofpregnancy.Nowthis.Hewantedtotakeherawayfromhere.Toholdher.Toprotecther
forever.

WhentheouterloungedoorhadswungshutDanniletoutahugeexhalationanddragged

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herhandstightagainstherscalp."Oh,God,"shebreathedandsankdownonthebunk,then
buriedherfaceinherhands.

Mattdidn'tknowwhattodo.Heclosedthedooragainsttheharshlight,thensilentlystood
aboveher,lookingdownatthemoonlightreflectingoffherbeautifulhair."Danni,"hesaid,
thenhesitated."CanIgetyousomewaterorsomething?"

Sheshookherhead.

"Thenwouldyouletmeholdyou?"

Sheletoutonesob,cutitshort."It'sbeensuchaterribleweek,"shesaidintoherpalms.

"Iknow."Mattloweredhimselfdownbesideher,placinghishandslightlyonhershoulders.
Whenhefeltherleantowardhim,hewrappedhisarmsaroundherandhuggedhertohim.
HerhairsmelledlikeDanni,exactlyasherememberedit-clean,pure.

"EventhoughIaskedyounottocometonight,I'msogladyouarrivedwhenyoudid,"she
saidintohischest.

"Idecidedtostopbyandtellyouyourpowerisoutathome.ButthetruthisIjustwantedto
seeyou.Thenursestoldmeyou'dgonetothedoctors'lounge.Iknockedontheoutside
doortwice."

"Thisroomissoundproof.Theydesigneditthatwaysowecouldsleepatallhours."

"IimagineBryantwascountingonthat."Shenodded.

Mattstrokedherhair."Danni,justbecausehe'sadoctor,andeventhoughyou'reonetoo,
doesn'tmeanyoushouldn'tpresscharges."

Sheshookherhead."Idon'twantthestress.Notnow.Andnothinghappenedreally.
Besides,thechargewouldneverstick.Toomanypeoplehaveseenustogether.Weeven
flewtotheCaribbeantogether."

"Somebodyshouldnailthatcreep,"Mattsaidcalmly.

"YouthinkIdon'tknowthat?Buthe'sgotplentyofwomenwhohangonhiseveryword.
They'dallcomeintocourtandtestifythatRogerBryantcertainlydidn'tneedtoharass
anybodytogetwhathewanted.It'snotthatI'mafraidoftheordeal-it'sjustthatIknow
whentocutmylosses.Itwouldbehiswordagainstmine.I'manunmarriedwomanwho's
pregnant.Whowouldbelieveme?"She
coveredherfacewithherpalmsagain."Oh,God.I'vemadeamessofmylife,"shesaid.

Heheldhertightly,thrilledtobedoingsoatlast,evenunderthesecircumstances."No,you
haven't.Foronething,youmaybepregnant,butyou'renotunmarried."

Sheloweredherhandsandpulledbacksothatshecouldseehisexpression.Helooked
calm,sincere.

Hegazedintohereyesandsaidquietly,"Wearestillmarried,aren'twe?"

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Danniturnedherfaceaway."You'reonlysayingthesethingstomakemefeelbetter.You
onlystartedcallingmelastweek."

"Ididn'tknowaboutthebabyuntillastweek!"

Dannishookherhead."YouwouldneverhavecontactedmeafterSt.Martin,exceptto-well-
tohaveagoodtimeagain,ifJackiehadn'ttoldyouIwaspregnant."

Hisbrowfurrowedandherelaxedhisholdonher."Nowwaitjustaminute.You'retheone
whorefusedtoseeme."Shetwistedawayfromhimandfoldedherarmsacrossherbreasts.
Heleanedaroundtoconfronther."Youweren'tevenplanningtotellmeaboutmyownchild.
Maybeyou'retheonewhothinksshe'stoogoodtogetinvolvedwithafirefighter-exceptfor
arollonthebeach-"

Danniboltedupoffthebed.

"Ididn'tmeanthat.I'msorry."Mattgrabbedforherwristbutshepulledaway."Danni,listen.
Can'tyouseehowitis?HowIfeltaboutyouintheCaribbean?Whatthatweekmeantto
me?"

Dannikeptherbacktohim,buthesawhershouldersrelax,sawthatshewaslistening.
"Danni.IthinkIknowhowhardthissituation,anunwantedpregnancy,isforyou.I...Iknow
allaboutyoursister."

Danniturnedandstaredathim."YouknowaboutLisa?"

Henodded.

"How?"

"Yourmomtoldme.

Shesankbackdownonthebed."Mymother?"Hetookherhands."Yes.Butitreallydoesn't
matterhowIfoundout."

Sheturnedherfaceawayfromhimandinthemoonlighthecouldseeherjawtightening.
Wasshecrying?Hishearttwisted,buthecontinued."Danni,thisisn'tjustaboutyouandme.
It'saboutourbaby.Iknowyou'vegottobescared,afterwhathappenedtoyoursisterand
all.Ihadnoidea.Iguessthat's...that'sthereasonwhyyouwereafraidtogetinvolvedwith
me."

Shesaidnothing,wouldn'teventurnherfaceandlookathim."But,Danni,howeverthis
happened,ithashappened.You'repregnant.Andthebabyis-"Mattsuddenlyfeltasifhe
couldn'tbreathe.Hehadtomakeherunderstandthatthepastwasthepast,thatheloved
hernomatterwhat,thattherewasn'tanythingtheycouldn'tworkout,aslongastheyhad
eachother-andthebaby.

"Don'tshutmeout,"hewentonurgently,"justbecausewedidsomethingstupidonastupid
littleisland-"

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Shelookedathimthen.Hecouldseetheremnantsoftearsinhereyes,buttherestofher
facelookedhardwithanger."Itwasstupid,wasn'tit?"shesaid."Justplainstupid."

"Iknowyoulookatitthatway.ButIdon't.Ithinkwhathappenedbetweenusonthatisland
wasbeautiful.WhatI'mtryingtosayis,atleastgivemeachance.Atleastgettoknowme."

Shejerkedherfingersfromhisgrasp.

"Atleastletmehelpyouthroughthepregnancy.Don't-"Hegrabbedherhandagainand
squeezedherfingerssotightlythatshesquirmed."Don'tdoanything...reckless."

Danni'seyesflashedwithcomprehension."Ifyouaretalkingaboutterminatingthis
pregnancy,Iwasn'tevenconsideringit."Herjawgrewrigid."AndevenifIwas,youhaveno
right-"

"Noright!"SuddenlyMatt'stemperflared."Whataboutmyrightsasafather?Whatabout
thiskid'srights?ForaslongasIcanremember,allI'vewantedisakid,andI'mnotgonnalet
yourstubbornnessdestroymychance.Ifyoudon'twantthisbaby,thengiveittome!"

Danni'sjawdropped,thenherexpressionreset,evenharder."Youthinkyoucouldraisea
babyalone?"

"Aswellasyoucould.IfIcanhandleMissVerbena-"

Danniletoutasputterofincredulity."MissVerbena!"

"Listen,ItookcareofSparkylikehewasachild."

Dannidroppedherjawagainandrolledhereyes.

"Well?AtleastIdidn'tturnhimovertosometrainer.Andldon'thavetohaveamaidto
cleanupaftermenightandday.Myfamily'sdecentandkind,eveniftheyarejustteachers
andcops."

Danni'seyesnarrowed."Nowwhatareyouimplying?ThatIlookdownonyourfamily?I've
neverevenmetyourfamily,muchlessjudgedtheminferior.Ican'thelpitthatmyfather
madeatonofmoney.Iworkhardformymoney,andifIwanttopayamaidwithit,thatis
mybusiness.Andforyourinformation,IhaveagreatmotherandIwillbeagreatmother
justlikeher!"

Matt'sangerseemedtosuddenlydrainfromhim.Hisshouldersslumpedandheletouta
longsigh."Yeah.IgottaadmitIlikeyourmother."Helookedstraightahead,thenglancedat
Dannioutofthecornerofhiseye."Wehavealottolearnabouteachother,don'twe?"He
proppedhiselbowsonhiskneesanddroppedhisfoldedhandsbetweenthem.

Dannistudiedhisbroadshoulders,thebackofhisdarkhead,theplacewherehishairwas
trimmedinaneat,bluntlineathisneck.Theveryplaceshe'dlearnedtolovesomuchinthe
Caribbean.Theplaceshewantedtotouchwhilehishotmouthworkeditsthrillingmagic.She
stood,beforeshecouldgiveinandtouchhim.

"Yes.Wehavealottolearnabouteachother.Andrightnow,we'rearguingaboutamoot

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point,becauseIamnothavinganabortionandIamnotgivingthisbabytoyouoranyone
else."

"IguessIknewthat."Hisvoicewassoftandsad,andheexaminedhislooselyfoldedpalms
asifthetruthwerewrittenthere."Butwithwhathappenedtoyoursisterandall,"hewenton
quietly,"Ineededtobesure.IguessIgotscared."Hedidnotlookupather.

Afteramomenthesighed."Youknow,itsoundsreallytritebecausesomanypeoplehave
saidit,butit'strue.IlearnedsomuchaboutmyselfwhileIwasworkingatthebombing.It
tookmealong,longtimetoacceptallthosedeaths.Especiallythechildren.Ittookmea
longtimetoacceptthehardfactthat,evenwhenyoudoyourbest,sometimesyoulosethe
battle.Butlifeistooshorttokeeponbeingangryorbitteroversomethingyoucan't
change."

Helookedatherthenandsheflinchedattheintensity,theconviction,inthoseblueeyes.
"Don'tbebitter,Danni.Trytoseelifewithanewhearteveryday."Heputhispalmonhis
chest."Trytolookatme-atus,atwhat'shappenedtous-withanewheart."

Whensheturnedawaywithoutsayinganything,hesighedagain,thenstoodinfrontofher.
Heputhisfingerunderherchinandliftedherfacetolookupintohis."YouknowwhatI'm
talkingabout-youroldpainaboutyoursister."

Hewouldn'tletherturnherfaceawaythistime.Hekeptittiltedtowardhisownwithhis
strongfingers,lookedintohereyesand,withoutanotherword,broughthismouthdownon
hersandkissedher,asifhisbodymightsayforhimwhatwordscouldnot.

Foramoment,standingthereinhisarmsintheprofoundmoonlitstillness,Dannicouldhear
onlyherownheartpoundinginherears,onlyMatt'sbreathingashemovedhismouthover
hers.Butinthenextinstant,ashiskissgrewmoreintense,hermindcriedoutfor
something:mercy,clarity,relief-something.

BecausewhenMattkissedher,itwasasifshecouldfeelnothingbuthiswarmth,his
urgency,pullinghertohim.Danniwastorn,asshefeltherselfmeltingintohim.Hermind
formedaplea,asupplication.Yes.

No!

Shepushedagainsthimandheimmediatelybrokeaway.

"Matt,I'msorry,"shesaid,andplacedhershakypalmsonhischest,loweredherhead."I'm
sorry....I'msoconfused."

"Ididn'tdothattoconfuseyou,"hewhisperedintoherhair,thenputhispalmstohercheeks
andtiltedherfaceuptohisagain."Butweonlyhavesomuchtime.Ourchildiscoming.And
evenifourtimetogetherturnsouttobeahundredyears,it'sstillonlysomuch.Thinkabout
it,Danni.Please."

Sheclosedhereyes,tryingtopressbackthehatedtears,thinkinghowwellsheknewthat
lifewasshort,thinkinghowLisahadhadonlyseventeenbrief,sweetyears.

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"Iknowthisisadifficulttimeforyou,"Mattwassaying,asherubbedhisthumbsoverher
lips,thenherjaw."AndallIwanttodoishelp.Wecankeepthissimpleifyouwant."

Danniopenedhereyes.Simple?

Hestoppedhisstrokingandexaminedhermouthbriefly,thenraisedhiseyesslowlytohers.
HewincedwithsomeemotionDannicouldnotread."Atleast,"hestarted,"atleast,letme
beyourfriend."

Sheswipedatanescapingtear."Everythingisalwayssosimpleforyou,"shesaid.

"No.No,it'snot,"hearguedgently."Iknowrelationshipsaren'teasy.AndIdon'twanttobe
marriedtoawomanwhodoesn'twantme,heartandsoul.ButDanni,eversinceItalkedto
yourmomI'vewonderedifwhat'skeepingusaparthasmoretodowiththeproblemsinyour
pastthanwithourdifferences."

Hewaitedforherresponse,butDanniwassoconfusedshecouldn'tsayanything.

Shewishedforsimplicity,allright-thesimplicityofherlifebeforeshehadstartedonthis
wholefoolishpursuitoflove.Love.Forsomepeopletherewasnosuchthing.Maybeshe
wasoneofthosepeople.Shefelttearsbuildingagain.

Hebrushedherhairbackoffhershoulder,tuckedastraystandbehindherear,likeafather
groomingachild."Wedon'thavetotalkaboutthisanymorefornow.Youneedtogetsome
rest."

Shemanagedtonod.

"ThenIguessI'llgosoyoucansleep."Danninoddedagainandheturnedtoleave."You
know,Danni-"helookedbackather"-maybeyou'retryingtokeepyourlifesimplethewrong
way.Bynotgivingyourself."

Whensheopenedhermouthtodefendherself,heinterrupted,"Givingyourselftoyourwork,
toyourpatients,isnotthesameasgivingyourhearttoonespecialperson."

Thenhewaitedforhertodosomething,tosaysomething.ButDannionlyloweredherselfto
thebunkandstaredatthefloor,sittinginthepoolofcoldmoonlight,asfrozeninplaceas
thelandscapeoutsidethewindows.

"Icanwait,"hesaidatlast,verysoftly."Icanwaitfortherestofmylifeforyou,Danni."He
turnedandlefttheroom.


CHAPTERTWENTY

DANNISATONTHEEDGEofthebunk,dry-eyedandalone,inthecolddark,withthethin
palelightofthemoonseepingoverher.

Shebowedherhead,curledhershoulders,andlockedherpalmstogetherbetweenher
knees:theposeofapenitentinprayer.Butinherhearttherewasnoprayer.Inherheart
therewasonlysorrow...andfear.

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Hadn'tshebeendenyingthissorrow-agreat,buriedsorrowthatwouldn'tgoaway-formost
ofherlife?Andthefearthatcamefromneverwantingtoexperiencethatsorrowagain.Fear
thatwouldnotletherloveandbeloved.

Nowthepregnancyhadresurrectedheroldpain.Wassheafraidofit,too?

Everythingfeltsoconfusingasshesatalone,tryingtosortitout,anditoccurredtoher,not
forthefirsttime,thatmaybesheshouldseekhelp.

Allherlifeshe'dpushedpastherpain,triedtooutsmartit,outworkit-onlytohaveitfinally
catchupwithhernow,inthemidstofapregnancybyamanwhodroveherwildwith
passion.Whathadsheimagined?Hoped?Thatshe'dbesweptaway,andneverfeelthis
painagain?HadshethoughtthatthepersonofMatthewCreedwouldbehersalvationfrom
thefearoflossthatafterallthistime,nomatterhowhardsheworked,nomatterhowbusy
shestayed,stillthreatenedtoswallowherup?

ItwasthethoughtofMattthatcausedtears,finally,tocome.Rollingdownhercheekslike
theopeningnotesofsomemelancholypiece,thenendlesslyflowing,chorduponchord.And
withthosebittertears,thosetearsthatshe'dfoughtforsolong,shefeltthelastofher
fiercewilltosuppresstheoldpainseepoutofher.

Sheletthepaincome.

AndwithitcametheimagesofLisa.Lisasingingacrazysong.Lisadancingaroundthe
kitchenwhiletheydidthedishes.Lisaplayingcardswitheleven-year-oldDanniafterDanni's
bestfriendhaddumpedher.Lisa,alwaystheretomakelifefunandgoodandright.
Smiling,softheartedLisa.SweetLisa.

Danniclutchedherfoldedhandsunderherchinandsqueezedhereyesshut.

"Oh,sissy,"shewhisperedaloudtothemoonlitair."I'msoconfused.I'vehurthim.I'm
afraid...thatsomehowI'llevenhurtthisbaby.Notstronglikeyou.Why..."Danniraisedher
flowingeyestothedarkceiling."Whydidyouhavetodie?"

Sheloweredherselftohersideonthebunkandlaytherewithoutpullingthethinblanket
aroundher,surrenderingtoitatlast.Sorrow.

Shelaythereforalongtimeuntilshe'dcriedherselfout,thenpulledsometissuesoutofthe
boxonthetable,driedhereyes,andsighed.Shecouldn'tthinkwhenshewasexhausted
andemotionallydrainedlikethis.

Inthedark,shereachedmechanicallyforthephone,buzzedthelabor-and-deliverydesk.
ShesteadiedhervoiceandaskedforCarol,theonlypersonshetrustedtohandlethe
message.

"Carol,it'sme....No.I'mokay,justexhausted....Yeah,probably."Shesighed."Listen.Tell
BryantI'millandI'mgoinghome...Heslippedoutontheice?ThencallStonein.Tellhimit's
anemergency...No,youdon'tneedtocomecheckonme.I'mfine.Don'tworry...No.Ican
makeithomefine."

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Dannifumbledtoreplacethereceiver,thenstoodonshakylegs.She'dneverleftworklike
thisbefore.Buttherewasnopointinstayingatthehospitalwhenshewasnogoodto
anybody.Exactlyasshehadalwayspredicted,givingintohergriefoverLisaaccomplished
nothingexcepttoimpairherabilitytohelpherpatients.Nothingwouldeverchange.Lisa
wouldalwaysbegone.Andshe,Danni,wouldneverfeelanybetteraboutthat.Thissorrow,
thisfear,wouldalwaysovershadowher.

Rightnow,allshewantedtodowasgohome,curluponherbed,andshutouttheworld.

WHENDANNIARRIVEDATHERdarkhouse,thegarage-dooropenerdidn'twork.Of
course.Nopower.ShepeeredthroughthefoggedwindowsoftheBMW.Notasinglelight
anywhere.Apparentlythewholeneighborhoodwaswithoutelectricity.

Shefumbledforaflashlightintheglovebox,thenfolloweditsbeamup
thesidewalkandintothehouse.

Sheturnedandcalledupthestairs:"Jackie!"Butapparently,Jackiewasgone-probablyto
someplacewarm.Dannipulledhersub-zerosleepingbagfromtheshelfinthehallclosetand
hauleditbacktothemastersuite.

PearlandSmokywerewrappedaroundeachotherinthemiddleoftheking-sizebed,
huddledagainstthepileofpillows.

"Thanksforwarmingthenest,guys,"shesaid,andshovedtheircompactbodiesaside
enoughtopulltheheavybedclothesback.Withoutevenremovinghercoat,runningshoes,
orstockingcap,shecrawledinsidethesleepingbagandzippedherselfin,reachinganarm
backtofliptheheavycomforteroverthetopoftheentiremound.

Thespotwherethedogshadlainfeltwarm,andtheynuzzledupbesidehertotrytoregain
theirplace.Dannimanagedawansmileandmuttered,"Spoiledbrats,"beforehereyelids
grewheavy.Shecouldsleepacoupleofhourslikethis,shethoughtdully,andifthepower
wasn'trestoredthen,she'dheadtohermom'sormaybeshe'dgetupandbuildafire.That
washerlastcoherentthoughtbeforethedarkcloudsofsleepobscuredherconsciousness:
Buildafire.

Outinthelivingroom,theember,nobiggerthanadime,burroweddeeperintothecarpet,
justbeyondtheinvincibilityofthemarblehearth.Thereitlay,emittingnosmoke,noflame,
nowarning...

Smolderingsteadilyinthesilent,frozenhousewhilethegrandfatherclocktickedevenly,
whilefrostcreptupthewindowpanes,whilethedeadalarmsystemsensednothing.

Butstillthefiredidn'tstart.Itwaited.Brooded.Festered.


CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE

WITHFIREMEN,FOODWASalwaysimportantwhentheyreturnedfromacall.
Thefirehousekitchenwasthickwiththearomaofoverbakedham-TomClark'sextraone,

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leftoverfromChristmas-andwiththejokesthatservedasawaytorelaxafterabadfire
scene.

Thatlastalarmhadtakenitoutofthem.AsTyhadpredicted,Matthadbeencalledbackin
tofinishoutthegreenshift,tofillinforacaptainwhohadfallenontheiceandinjuredhis
back.

Now,attwointhemorning,theneglectedhamhadbeenbakedandrebaked
whiletheteamshadansweredback-to-backalarms.Themenofthegreenshiftweretired
andhungry,butspiritswerehigh.Nocivilianinjuriesineitherfire.

"Isthatthingsmoked?"somebodyquipped,andtheyalllaughed.

Themenkeptupthebanter,urgingClarktohurryupwithhiscarvingbeforethenextalarm
cameinorbeforethespringthaw-whichevercamefirst.The"drop"alwaysseemedto
happenwhentheysatdowntoeat.Theyallstoodaroundthewaist-highbutcher-block
islandinthecenteroftheroom,sneakingstraypiecesofhamtonibble,snortingand
guffawingattheirinsiderput-downs.AllbutMatt.

Hesatoffinthecaptain'sofficebyhimself,behindthebeat-upmetaldesk,shuffling
paperwork-andhisthoughts.

Shehadn'treachedouttohim.He'dblownit.Youcan'tmakesomebodyloveyou,he
remindedhimself.But,forthehundredthtime,hethoughtofthemtogetheronthatbeach;
rememberedtheimpactwhenherwarmskinhadpressedfullyagainsthimforthefirsttime.

Thesilverpeninhishandstilledandhestaredattheglareofthedesklamp,firsthearingher
laugh,thenothersoundsshemade-theonesthatmadehimwantmore,madehimwantto
givehermore.

Andthebaby.God,whataboutthebaby?Washegoingtohavetobeoneofthosedaddies
whoentertainedhisownkidacoupleofweekendsamonth?Thatwasn'twhathewanted.
Hewantedlittleleague,cookinghisspecialspaghetti,yardwork,dogtraining,kite
flying,morals-teaching,character-buildingfamilylife.Everysingle,blessedday.

WhywasDannimakingthisallsodamnedhard?Whyhadheeverstartedup
withawomanwhowouldn't,couldn't,sharehisdreams?Andnowachild.DearGod.His
child.

"Ah,man!NoCoolWhip?"aguypeeringintothegiantsteelrefrigeratorshouted."Youcan't
havepumpkinpiewithoutCoolWhip.Dolby!Runovertothetwenty-four-hourstoreandget
someCoolWhip!"

"Nodeal,"Matt,nowactingcaptain,holleredthroughtheopenofficedoor."We'redownto
twelvemenonthreeengines."

"Ah,man!"camethechorusfromthebutcher-blockcrowd.

"What'reyou,Creed?Somekindo'badass?"theveteranleaningagainstthedoorofMatt's
officemumbled.

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"Okay,okay-"Mattraisedhisvoiceabovethechatter"-butsendSmith.Andmakeitsnappy."

Smithalreadyhadhiscoaton,washeadingforthedoor.Hewastheprobie,thenewkid,
whichwaswhyhewasassignedtothepumper,andwhyMattfiguredtheycoulddowithout
himforafewminutes.MattandTyandGilhadhandledmanyafireasathree-manteamon
thepumperwithouttrouble.Itwasdoable.Nothingwashappeningrightnow.Noapparatus
wasout.LettheguyshavetheirCoolWhip.
Butthehamstillwasn'tcompletelycarvedandtheCoolWhipstillhadn'tarrivedwhenthe
nextalarmcame.

OUTSIDEDANNI'SHOUSE,theweightoftheicebroughtalimbofthegiantoldredoak
crashingtotheground.Whenitdid,ahugeiciclebrokefromtheeaveofthegardenshed
andpiercedthesnowbelowlikeacrystalsword.

Butinside,Danniwasunaware,warmandtoastynwithinherbulkycocoon,hermindand
bodyburiedundertheweightoffatigue.

Theemberhadsucceededincarvingadarkholethesizeofaquarterinthelushliving-room
carpet.Athintrailofsmokeroseatlast-thefirstsignthatthefirewasreadytobreakfreeof
itssuppressedstateintocriticalmass.Now,theaccumulatinggasesneededonlythemerest
pushofoxygeninordertoreachignitiontemperatureandburstintoflame.

Alittlegustofwind-nomorethanapuff,notevenenoughtodisturbtheashes-whispered
downtheflue.

ACROSSTHESTREET,DANNI'Sneighbor,Mrs.Forde,wasirritatedtofindthatonce
againshecouldn'tsleep.Thejoysofmenopause.Ofcourse,evenwithherhotflashes,it
wastoodamncoldforanyonetosleepcomfortablytonight.Whenwouldtheygetthepower
restored?Thekerosenespaceheatersherhusbandhadsetupwererunninglow.Shewas
makingherwaydownthestairswithaflashlightwhenshesawaglowthroughthebeveled
glassofherfrontdoor.Theorangeincandescenceonthesnowstoodoutlikeabeaconin
theblacked-outneighborhood.

Strange,Mrs.Fordethought,asshemovedtoherpicturewindow.Whereisthatlight
comingfrom?Seemsawfullybrightforafireplace.

Evernosy-Mrs.Fordelikedtothinkofherselfas"vigilant"-thestockymatronpulledonher
wool-linedbootsandgoose-downparkaandscurriedoutontohericy,snow-packedfront
lawntoinvestigate.Thesmellofsmokeintheairdidn'timmediatelyalarmher-theentire
neighborhoodhadbeenburningfirewoodaroundtheclock.

Sheplantedherfeetwidewitheachstepasshemadeherwaydowntheicyslope,acrossto
thefarcornerofherlawnsothatshecouldseeintoheryoungneighbor'swallofsouthern
windows-thelightwascomingfromthere.

AssoonasthemassiveColonial-stylewindowsonthesideofthehouseacrossthestreet
cameintoview,Mrs.Forde'seyeswentwideandherthroatwentdry.

Thedrapeswerebeingdevouredbyawallofflame!

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Mrs.Fordesuckedinafreezinggasp,thenfinallymanagedtoscreamherhusband'sname.

Shekeptonscreaminghisnamewhilesheclawedherwaybackuptheicyslopeofherlawn.
AtthesametimesheprayedtoGodthatnoonewasinthathouse-didn'tDr.Goodbyehave
amaidandsomedogs?Anddear,dearLord-Mrs.Fordeglancedfranticallyoverher
shoulder--wasn'tthattheyoungwoman'sBMWinthedriveway?Shouldsherunandseeif
anyonewasinthere?Butshefearedshe'dnevermakeitupthedoctor'ssteep-slopedyard.
Shehadtogetthecellphone!Thatpoorwoman'shousewasonfire!apanickedretortto
thescreamsofthewomanoutside.

Besidethem,Danni'smindfoughtforawareness.Firstcameirritationatthedogs'barking.
Thensheheardsomekindofcommotionoutside-somebodyscreaming?-thensaw,through
still-closedeyelids,aglowcomingfromdownthehall.Hadshegottenupandbuiltafire?

Aboomandsuddenbrilliancecausedhereyestoflyopen.Shesuckedinasmoke-filled
breathandithither:Herhousewasonfire!

Arushofadrenalineshotthrougheverycellofherbodyandshescreamed,"God!"asPearl
andSmoky,nowbarkingfuriously,boundedoffthebedtowardthedoor.

Sheheardherownwhimperasshekickedatthesleepingbaginasplitsecondofmad
claustrophobia,unabletofindthezipperwithherclawingfingers.Finallyshecalmedherself
enoughtoflipthetabinsideandfranticallyzippeditdown.Thebaby,shethought.Think.
Staycalm.Getout.

Sherememberedenoughtorolloffthebedontothefloor.Despitethefire,theairinthe
bedroom,wasfreezingandshewasinstantlygrippedbyviciouschills.Sheforcedher
shiveringmusclestoworkandstayedlow,crawlingalongtheedgeofthebedinthedirection
ofthedoor.Shecouldseenoflamesinthebedroom,onlyblackness,butalreadythesmoke
madehereyesandthroatsting.Shedidn'twanttobreathe,triedholdingherbreath,failedin
afitofcoughing.Whatwasthisdoingtothebaby?

Shecrawledforward,towardthedoor,then,realizingsheshouldbeclimbingoutawindow,
notheadingtowardthefire,shecrawledinthedirectionofthetallwindows.Buttheheavy
paneswereinvulnerable,thetransomsabovethemimpossiblyhigh.Herowncoughingand
thebarkingdogsseemedtointerferewithherabilitytothink.

Fifteenprecioussecondshadalreadyelapsedsincethedogshadrousedher.

WHENTHEDROPHIT,EVERYlightinthefirehousewentonautomatically.Atthesame
instantthepiercingbeep-beep-beepofthealarmjarredMattandhisteamintoaction.The
heavydoorsinfrontoftheenginesstartedtoriseasthemengrabbedfortifyingbitesof
ham,rantotheirbunkers,pulledonfirepants,andshovedfeetintorubberboots.Inhis
office,Mattlistenedtotheradiocallwhilehebunkeredup.

"UticaSquareassignment,"theunmistakablyclear,monotonefemalevoicewassaying.
"Firstalarm:enginefive,engineseven,ladderfourteen.Level-threehousefireatTwenty-one
twenty-fiveEastTwenty-secondPlace.Repeat.That'sTwoone-two-fiveEastTwo-Two
Place.Mappage:onezero-seven-five.

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ForasplitsecondMattfroze,hopingthat,justthisonce,he'dheardthecallwrong.Butthe
printerspatoutthelocationalmostbeforethedispatcherhadfinishedcallingit.Danni's
house.Hetoreofftheprintoutandracedtothepumper.MasonandHernandezwere
alreadyaboard,hookingontheirpassdevices.Theothermenwerestillpilingontoengine
seven.

"Go!"Mattscreamed."Dammit!"Forthefirstcrucialminutetherewouldonlybeenginefive-
onlythethreeofthem."Don'tletherbehome!"Throughhisclenchedteethitsoundedmore
likeathreatthanaprayer.

NowDANNIFOUGHTTObreathe,tostayconscious.Hadsheclosedthebedroomdoor?
WherewerePearlandSmoky?Sheopenedhereyesagaintotrytosee,butallwasblack,
exceptfortheoccasionalflareofflames,massiveflames,fillingthehallway.Theroaringin
herearswaspiercedbythesoundofdistantsirens.Ifshecouldonlyholdon...

Inthedarkshegropedforthebed,butherhandfoundonlysmoke.Sheopenedhereyes
againtoblacknessandstingingpain.Sheclampedthemshutandbegantofeelweak.She
neededsomething-awall,aglimmeroflightatthewindow-toorienther,buttherewas
nothing.Shehuggedthefloor,barelyabletocrawlforwardnow.

Shedraggedherselfuntilshefinallyfeltthecooltileofthebathroomfloorunderherpalms.
Sheinchedherselfintotheroomandcollapsed.Hercheekfeltasifitwerebeingpressedinto
thecoldtilebytheweightoftheworld.Thefloorseemedtobespinning,spinning.Though
herbodyfeltleaden,shemanagedtobringherkneesupandfoldherarmstightlyaroundher
lowerbelly,curlingherselfintoaballaroundthetinybabyinsideher.Andsuddenly,asshe
clutchedhermiddle,thechildbecameveryrealtoher.Morerealthananyoneoranything.
Didthischildknowthatshelovedhim?

Shethoughtsheheard,fromsomewherefar,faraway,thefaintblastofanairhorn.

Shebegantofeeldisembodiedasherthoughtsseemedtofloat,tomoveaway.Blueand
softandsweet.

Somepartofherwassurprisedwhenherlifedidflashbeforeher,butnotinthewaypeople
alwayssaiditdid.Thiswasaflash-forward-ahead-toherfuture.Toafutureshemightlose
now,ifshedidn'tsurvive.Toafutureshehadalmostcheatedherselfofbecauseoffear.To
afuturewithMatt.ToababywithMatt'sblueeyes,ashockofhisdarkhair,andperfect,tiny
muscles.

InhermindshesawMatt,wrappedaroundthemboth.Felthim.Sostrong.Sofullofthelife
thatwasebbingfromhernow.Matthew.Ineedyou.Hereisourbaby.Please.Comeandget
him,Matthew.Savehim.Matthew.

ThenDr.DanniGoodbyehadherlastthought.Oneword.Onefeeling.Love.

AsSOONASTHEENGINEroaredupinfrontofDanni'shouse,Mattjumpedoffthe
pumperandlookedaroundforDanni.Shewasn'tamongthehuddledneighbors.
Rightbehindhimtheothertwomeninthiscompany-guyshehardlyknew,green-shiftguys-
jumpedoffthetruckandstaredupatthehousewhereflamesalreadylickedthroughthe

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roof.ThentheystaredatthewhiteBMWparkedinthedriveway.

"Thinkthere'savictiminthere?"MasonyelledatMatt'sbackasMattstartedspoolinghose
offthepumper-they'dconnecttothehydrantaftertherescue.

"There'saglass-blockwallatthebackofthehouse!"MattyelledatMasonashehoisted
threefoldsofhoseoveroneshoulder."Bustitout.I'lltaketheattackhose-"

Masonshookhishead,yelled,"Creed!Thisistoobigforaone-manrescue.We'lljustendup
pullingyouout."

MattmowedpastMason.Hewouldn'thavehadtoarguewithTyandGil,dammit."When
rescuegetshere,"heshoutedoverhisshoulder,"sendtheminthroughthatglass-block
area."MasontrottedafterMatt,strainingtohearhisinstructions."There'sabigbathroom.
beheadedtherewiththevictim."

Masonnodded.

Mattknewattemptingarescuewhenthecrewwasonemanshortwassuicide,butoneman
hadtoventilatethestructureimmediatelyandsomebodyelsehadtoholdfireground
commanduntilbackuparrived.Thatmeantoneofthemhadtogoinalone.
Therewasnodecisiontobemade.ThiswasDanni.

Theotherman-Hernandez-wastalkingtotheirbackuponhistwo-wayshoulderradio.
"Engineseven'slessthanablockaway!"heyelledasMattranheadlongtowardthefront
door.

Theothersirensscreamedthroughthenightair."Notime!"Mattyelledasheluggedthe
hoseforward."It'satflashover!"

Hernandezranaheadofhimandaxedthefrontdooropen,wedgedachockinit.They
crouchedasaheavywaveofblacksmokerolledoverthem.

"Gimmesomewater!"werethelastwordsMattsaidbeforeheplungedintodarknessand
smoke.

Theinsideofthehousewasmurkyblack,exceptforthevagueredglowoffireshroudedin
smoke.Superheated,poisonous.Mattcrouchedandtookarightsearchpattern-thelong,
straightwalloftheentryhallwouldleadhimtoherthefastest.Letherbeinthebedroom.
LetherheexactlywhereIthinksheis,hethoughtashecrawledalong.

AttheseextremetemperaturesMattfiguredhiseffectiveworktimewaslessthanfive
minutes.Inanighttimefiresuchasthis,victimsusuallydiedintheirbeds,overcomeby
smoke.

MattwantedtosavehisgoodairforDanni,buthewasforcedtoshovethemaskonand
hookupthetankhose.He'dneverreachherbreathingsmokeatthisrate.InsidetheDarth
Vader-stylemaskhisownbreathingsoundedvillainous,enraged.
Firewasanenemyhecouldfight-ifitwasnottoolate.Hewouldnotletitbetoolate.

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Hecursedintothemaskashebattledthehoseforward.Handlingthehosewasdifficult,
evenwithanothermanhumpingit,evenbeforethelinewascharged.Hequicklypulledas
manyfoldsforwardashecouldandbracedhimselfforthehosetoharden.Justbeforethe
spraystarted,heheardthedogs.Barking.

They'dbewithDanni!

Thenozzlereactionontheinch-and-a-halflinekickedinlikeabronco.Heshotthewater
abovethefire,reboundingitofftheceiling,creatingahardrainthatbouncedbackathimlike
BB's.Hedidn'twaitfortheflamestobackdown.Aimingthehosewithbothhands,heduck-
walkedforwardonhishaunchestowardthesoundofthebarking,eachfranticwoofgivinghim
asurgeofhopeintheblackheat.

Twicehestooduprightandplowedthroughawallofflame,roaringatthefire.Shewas
there.Hecouldfeelher.Hecouldsenseher.

Andinthoseseconds,witheachmove,heprayed.Aninsentient,unformedprayer.Aprayer
ofdesperationthatpropelledhimlikeanangrylionthroughtheroilingflames.Hecouldsee
nothingashemadehiswayaroundthemazeofdoorwaysandcornersthatwasDanni's
architecturallyingenioushallway.Onedoorjamb.Two.Herbedroom.

"Danni!"hescreamedintothemask.Morebarkingansweredhiscall,inthedirectionofthe
bathroom.
Hefelltohisknees,crawledunderthebankofsmoketowardthebarking,wrestlingthehose
asifitwerealivingthing,subduingitagainsthisside,underonearm.

Ashecrabbedforward,hisglovedhandrolleddownhardoffsomethingfirmyetsoftandone
ofthedogsyelped,runningoutofhisreach.Hethrewthehosebehindhimintothe
bedroom,whereitsprayedawaywildly.Thepumperwouldbedrysoonanyway.

Heyelled,"Hereboy!"throughthemaskandwasrewardedbyPearl'sflailing,muscularbody
againsthischest.Hegrabbedahandfulofhideandallowedhimselftobehauledforwardand
suddenlyhisfreehandwasonDanni'sfamiliarform,lyingcompletelyinert.Hefeltforher
head,rippedhismaskoffandfitteditoverherface.

Inthesameinstantthesoundofcrashingglasscausedhimtothrowhimselfoverherbody.
Hefeltarushofcoldairandscoopedheroffthefloor,clutchedhertohischestwithmad
determination.Onlyafewfeet.Hechargedtowardtheopeningheimaginedbeingchopped
intotheglassblocksbytherescueteam,heardthemyellingabovetheroarofthefireand
thehissofthehosebehindhim.

HehoistedDannioverthesideofthetub,hisbootscrunchingchunksofglass.

Butashebegantoraisehertohisshoulderstopassherthrough,herealizedsomething
waswrong.Glasswasstillcrashingdown.Therescueguyswerehavingtroublegetting
throughthethickblocks.

Hesuckedinonebreath,turned,andchargedbackthroughtheblacksmokeintheother
direction,towardthewindowseatonthewallbyDanni'sbed.He'dfinishedeveryinchofthis
floorhimself,knewtheexactdistance.

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Whenhiskneeshittheedgeofthewindowseat,hewrappedhimselfaroundDanni'sbody
andhurledhimselfthroughthethickpaneslikeabolder.

Hefelltumblingontothesnowandice,tryingnottocrushDanni.Hegottohisknees,
suckedintheblessedairandfeltsomeonepullinghimupbythebackofhiscoatashetook
greatgulps,coughingatthebittercold.Asecondlater,PearlandSmokycameflyingout,
barkingandyelping,rightontopofhim.

"Isshebreathing?"Mattscreamedatthesametimethattwooftherescue-crewguyswere
yelling,"Wegother!Wegother!"whiletheypulledthemaskfreeandhauledDanniup.

TheywerealreadycarryingDanniawayasheslippedandslidonthesnowandicebehind
themwhileTyseemedtobeholdinghimbackandholdinghimupatthesametime."Matt,I
cameassoonasIheard,"Tywasshouting.

MattstrainedagainstTyandscreamed,"Danni!"

Hewaslosingit,andhedidn'tcare.Letthehouse,theneighborhood,thewholetownburn
totheground.HemanagedtofightTyoffandstumbledaroundthecornerofthecrumbling,
burninghouse.Theyhadherbytheambulance.

Paramedicssnappedanoxygenmaskoverherface,wrappedheruponastretcher.He
stumbledforward,hisbootsfeelinglikeblocksofconcrete,hischestasstiffasatreetrunk.
Heforcedoutbreath,hisvoice."Loadher,dammit!"Heshovedatablackfemaleparamedic.

Theyoungwomansaid,"Calmdown,buddy.We'vegother."

"I'mgoingwithher!"Mattyelled.Heheavedhimselfupintotheambulanceaftertheyslid
Danni'sstretcherin."Go!Go!Go!"hescreamed.Tyandafiremanhedidn'trecognize
slammedthedoorsshut,andthesirenswailed.

ThenhegotagoodlookatDanni.Shewasunconscious,sooty,frighteninglyblackaround
themouthandnostrils.Howmuchsmokehadsheeaten?But,miraculously,shedidn'tlook
burned.Hegraspedherhandwhiletheparamedicsworked.

"She'spregnant,"heinformedtheparamedic.

Theguynodded,glancedatDanni'sstill-flatabdomen,thensaid,"Youknowher,man?"

Mattdidn'ttakehiseyesoffDanni'sface."She'smywife."

Theyoungparamedic'sbusyhandsstilled."Holysh-!Thatwasyourhouse?Man!"

"Howaboutgettingsomefluidsintomywife?"wasMatt'sanswer.

"Right."TheguyreachedforIVsupplies.MattpressedDanni'slimpfingerstohisfore
head,thentohislips."Pleaselive,"hewhisperedagainstherknuckles,and
felthiseyesstingwithtears.

"She'sholdingherown,"thefemaleparamedicsaid."Heartrate'sgood."TheystartedtheW.

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Dannicoughedintothemask,hereyestriedtoflutteropen,andMatt'sheartroseinhis
chestlikeasun."Danni,"hecroaked."I'mhere,baby."

Thefemaleparamedictookafour-by-fourgauzeandwipedmucusfromDanni'snoseand
mouth,thenrepositionedtheoxygenmask.

Danni'sfacerelaxedbehindthemask,andMattwasrelievedtoseehersmileweakly.Then
shelookedathimthroughpuffy,bloodshoteyes."Matt.Youcame."Sheclosedhereyesand
swallowed,herbrowfurrowedwithpain."Oh,Matt,I'vebeenanidiot.I'msosorry..."she
started.

Butheshushedher."Don'ttalknow,baby.Justbreatheyouroxygen.Keepbreathing."He
strokedherbrow."Attagirl."

Shenoddedandhereyesslidclosed.

Aftershe'dbreathedawhile,hereyescameslowlyopenagain,andMatt,whohadnever
takenhiswatchfulgazefromherface,leanedforward.

"Thisishowwestarted,isn'tit?"shewhisperedhoarsely,thensmiled,andMatt'sheartbeat
arhythmofpuregratitude."Only-"shecoughed-youweretheonewearingthemask."

Mattsqueezedherhand."Rest,baby,andbreathethatoxygenforme.We'llbeatthe
hospitalsoon."

Dannitriedtoobey,closedhereyes,breathedcalmly.Thenhereyespoppedopenagain.He
wasstilllookingather."Whatdidyouthinkofme?"shemumbledbehindthemask.

"Huh?"Acreaseformedbetweenhisbrows."Thatnight.Whenwemet."

Mattsmiled,morewithreliefthanremembering.Reliefthatshewastalkingtohim-evenifit
wasdrivel."Ithought-"hebrushedthehairbackfromherbrowwiththetipsofhisfingers"-
thatyouwerethemostbeautifulthingI'deverseen."

Dannisqueezedhishand."Oh,right."

Helookedintohereyes,noddedsolemnly,andthenleanedoverandkissedherforehead."I
loveyou,"hesaidagainsthersootyskin.

Danniclutchedthebackofhisneckandhereyesfilledwithsudden,anxioustears."Doyou
thinkthebaby'sokay?"sheasked.

Heplacedhislargehandlowonherbelly,neartheplacewherehe'dlovedhersowell."She's
allright,Danni.Ijustknowit."

"She?"Dannicroaked."Iwasenvisioningahe."

"Sheorhe."Hepressedgently."Doesn'tmatter.Thisisourbaby."

Dannisqueezedhereyesshut."Oh,Matt,"shewhispered."Don'tyoueverleaveme."

"YouknowIwon't.Notever."

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"Ifthemama'sokay,baby'susuallyokay,"theyoungEMT,whomMatthadforgotten,
announcedconfidentlyfromhisstationaboveDanni'shead.

"We'llknowforsure,soon,"MattreassuredDanni.

"Arewealmostthere?"

MattlookedoutandsawtheredlettersoftheHolyCrossemergency-roomsignscrollby.
"We'repullingin,"hesaid.

Herfingersgavehisanothersqueeze.Hergripwasfeeble,butforhim,itwasenough.His
Danniwasalive.


CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO

DANNIANDMATTagreedthatthenextfewdaysfeltlikeastrangeemotionalroller-coaster
ride,fullofelation,longing,impatience.

TheyexperiencedelationeverytimetheycelebratedthemiraculousfactthatDanniwasnot
seriouslyinjured.Shehadafewbruisesandscraps,andhadinhaledenoughsmoketocause
amildcaseofbronchitis,whichwaseasilytreatedwithIVantibiotics.Atthisstageofher
gestation,Dr.Stonewasevenabletopickupfaintfetalhearttones,andwhenDanniand
Mattheardthatbeautifulsound,theyclaspedhandsandgottearsintheireyes.

Theirlonging-tobealone,toholdeachother,tohaveeachother-simplyhadtobesetaside
whileDanniwasconfinedtothehospital.ButMattmanagedtobeconstantlyatherbedside,
takingcareofher,touchingherateveryopportunity.He'dtradedshiftsandusedupallofhis
remainingleaveinordertostaynearher.

Ontheseconddayofherhospitalstay,Danniawoketofindhimasleep,withhisheaddown
onhisarmsatthesideofhermattress.Shereachedoutandsoftlycaressedhisdarkhairas
shestudiedhissleepingfaceandmarveledathowwrongshehadbeentoeverthinkshe
couldlivewithoutthis.Sherealizednowthatonemightchoosetolivewithoutbeingloved,
butonlyafoolwouldchoosetolivewithoutgivinglove.

Theimpatiencewasmostlyhers.ForDanni,thepassiveroleofpatientwasparticularly
irksome,especiallyinherownhospital,monitoredbyahoveringDr.Stonewhoseprimary
prescriptionwas,"Rest."

"Icandothatathome,youknow,"shearguedontheseconddaywhenStonecameby
duringmorningrounds.

"Dr.Goodlove,youforgetthatIamaphysicianmyself,"Stonesaiddrollywithoutlookingup
fromherchart,"andIdon'ttrustanydoctortorestforlongunlessitisenforced.Another
dayofobservationwon'thurt."Hesmiled."Letthenursesspoilyouabit.Perhapsyoucan
gohometomorrow.Buteventhen,Idon'twantyouanywherenearyourofficeforafew
moredays."

"Who'stakingcareofmypatients?"DanniworriedthatitmightbeBryant.Shehaddecided

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hellwouldfreezeoverbeforehe'devertouchoneofherpatientsagain.

"Iam,"Stonesaid."Andeverything'sfine.AlthoughImustadmitI'llbegladwhenyou'reback
onboard."Hesighed."IsupposeyouknowDr.Bryanthastakenleaveaswell.Heslippedon
theice.Apparentlybrokehisnose."

Mattcameinthedoorthen,backfrombreakfastinthehospitalcafeteria.

"Hello,"Mattsaidcordiallyashesetamugofskim-milkhotchocolateonthebedsidetable
forDanni.

"Matt,thisismyobstetrician,Dr.KennethStone.Dr.Stone,thisisMatthewCreed,my...
fiancé."

StoneextendedhishandandshookMatt's."Ah,"hesaidandsmiledbroadlyafterhe
glancedattheTulsaCountyfiredepartmentT-shirt,"You'rethemanwhosavedourDr.
Goodlovefromthefire."

"Yes,sir,"MattlookeddownatDannitenderlyashepushedastrandofhairoffhershoulder.
Dannireturnedhisgazewithanadoringsmile.

"Well,we'recertainlyallgratefultoyou.Dr.Goodloveisnotonlyoneofourtopphysicians,
sheisalsooneofthemostbeloved."

DanniblushedandStoneclearedhisthroat."Well,I'llbegoingnow.Justsaythewordifyou
needanything,Dr.Goodlove."

WhenStonewasgone,Dannireachedforthehotchocolate."Boy!There'saworldof
differencebetweenhavingthatmanforyourchiefofstaffandhavinghimforyourdoctor."

"SoIgather,"Mattsaidandpulledachairuptothebedside."What'sthisfiancébusiness?"

Dannisippedthecocoaandpeekedathimovertherimofthemug."Well,IthoughtI'dgive
everybodyatthehospitalachancetogetusedtotheideathatI'vegotamaninmylife.
Besides,motherwantstogiveusabig,officialwedding."

Mattsatatarightangletothebedwithhiskneesspreadwidesohecouldleanclose.He
proppedhiselbowsonthemattressandtookDanni'sfreehandinbothofhis."Andhowdo
youfeelaboutthat?"

"Howdoyoufeelaboutit?"

Mattshrugged."Wouldthatbesobad?Tohumoryourmomandletherthrowusawedding?
Imean,wouldn'tthatbeourchancetogiveaniceladyalittlehappiness?"

Dannilookedintohiseyesandsmiled.Thensheraisedhishandstoherlipsandgavehis
knucklesastickylittlesmooch."Iloveyou,MatthewCreed."

"AndIloveyou,"hedroppedhisvoicetoaconspiratorialwhisper,"Mrs.Creed."Thenhedid
anexpertjobofkissingherchocolateysweetlips.


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CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

Sixweekslater

DANNISTOODVERYSTILLwithherhandsathersides,studyingherselfinafull-length
mirror.Throughthestonewallsofthechurch,sheheardthemuffledtonesoftheorganist
startingtheprelude.Soon,Oliviawouldbustlebackinfromgivingthephotographerlast-
minuteinstructions,readytowalkherdaughterdowntheaisle.

Thisweddingwasn'tthekindDannihaddreamedofwhenshewasalittlegirl.No,this
weddingwasfarbetterthananythingshecouldeverhavedreamedof.Shestudiedthe
womaninthemirror.Wasthisvisionreallyher?

Sheturnedslightlytoviewherselfinprofile.Thedresswasincrediblyfull.Oliviahadfoundit,
aftercombingtheposheststoresinDallasandDenver,righthereinTulsa,inUticaSquare,
onlyafewblocksfromthesiteofDanni'soldhouse.Itwasaglowingshadeofivory,draping
downfromhershoulders,revealingagentleswellofcleavage,butsoftlydisguisingher
growingmiddle,althoughDanniwasactuallyproudofherpregnancy.Matt'sbaby.

Herbaby.Theirbaby.ThefetuskickedandDanniplacedherhandonhertummyandsmiled.

Sheturnedtotrytoglimpseherback.Somuchlace!Thesoftest,softestlaceimaginable,
woveninadelicateroses-and-ivypattern,flowingdownintoatwenty-foottrain.Theveil,
layersofspiderwebfinetulle,cascadedfromacoronaoftinypearlsandsequinsandfloated
backlikemistoverthelacytrain.Beneaththeveil,sheworeherhairlong,flowing,simple-the
wayMattlovedit.

Finally,shelookedattheone-karatdiamondsolitaireonherlefthand.Itwasradiant,
flawless,perfectlycut.Somewhere,lostintheruinsoftheburnedhouse,wasthesillycheap
ringMatthadboughtherintheCaribbean.Matthadnevermentionedit,butshe'dsecretly
grievedoverit,wishingthatshehadnevertakenitoff.Ofallherdestroyedpossessions,
thatringwastheonethingshewouldmissforever.

Whenhegaveherthisringhe'dkissedhergentlyfirst,thenreachedintothepocketofhis
jeans,pulleditoutslowly-nobox-andslippeditonherfinger,withoutaword,whilehelooked
deeplyintohereyes.Withoutasingleword.

Shelookedinthemirrorintoherowneyesnow,thenclosedthemtightlyandfoldedher
handsunderherchin."Thankyou,God,"shewhispered.

Someoneknockedonthedressing-roomdoor."Danni?"ItwasTy'svoice.

"Comein,"shecalledout.

Hepokedhisheadaroundthedoor."I'vejustescortedMatt'sparentstotheirseats.Where
iseverybodyelse?"

Dannilookedathisreflectioninthemirror."Jackie'sgettingmesomewater.Carol'sgetting
readytosinghersolo.Mother'sbossingthephotographeraroundandI'msupposedtostay
hereandstayclean."

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Tygrinned."You'retheprettiestbrideI'veeverseen.Iguessthisisasgoodatimeasany
formetodothis."Hesteppedintotheroomandclosedthedoor.

"Dowhat?"

"BringyouapresentfromMatt."Heheldforthasmall,foil-wrappedgiftbox.

"Oh,no!"Danniframedhercheekswithherpalmsandlookedatthebox,thenatTy'sfacein
horror."Ididn'tgethimanything!"

Tyshookhishead."Allhewantsisyou,hon.You'rewhathewantedfromtheverystart-"Ty
stoppedandchuckledtohimself,asifhavinganamusingmemory.

"What?"

"IwasrememberinghowIhadtopracticallybreakhisarmtogethimtocallyouandaskyou
tothatbonfire.Hewasscaredtodeath."

"You'rekidding!"Dannicouldn'tbelieveherMatthewwouldeverbeafraidofanything."What
onearthwashescaredof?"

"You."

"Me?"Dannipointedatherself.

"Yourmoney.Youreducation.Yourlife.

Hecouldn'tbelieveasuccessfulwomanlikeyouwouldeverwanttobeinvolvedwithan
ordinaryguylikehim."

"MatthewCreedisnotordinary!"Danniprotested.

"Nokidding.I'mgladyourealizethat,becauseCarlaalwaysmadehimfeellikehewasbarely
average.Carlawasabi-"Tylookedsuddenlymortified."Sorry.Ishouldn'thavebroughther
up."

"Hereallywasafraidtocallme?"shequicklyaskedinordertocoverhisembarrassment.

"Yeah.Then,whenIfinallyforcedhimtodialyournumber,Tywenton,"hekeptbettingmea
womanlikeyouwouldneversayyestoadateatthelastminute.Oh,hehadallkindsof
funnyideasaboutyou."

Dannicouldfeelhercheeksflame,whichaddedconsiderablytoherradianceintheivory
gownandveil."Well,Isurprisedhim,didn'tI?"

"Againandagain,"Tysaidtenderly."Goon.Openthebox."Hehelditforward.

Dannitookitandremovedthedelicatelacetieandfragilefoilpaperanduncoveredasmall
bluevelvetjewelrybox.

"Oh,my,"shewhispered."Whathashedonenow?"

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FromthechapelthemutedstrainsofCarol'srichaltovoicesinging
"TheRose"driftedthroughthedressing-roomwalls.

Danniliftedthelidslowly.Asinglekeyrestedonthecottonnestinginside.Sheraisedher
questioningeyestoTy.

Hehadtoswallowalumpinhisthroattoreply."It's..."Heswallowedagain,andDannicould
seeashimmerinhisblackeyes."It'sthekeytoyournewhouse."

"Mynewhouse?"Dannididn'tunderstand.

Tynodded."YoursandMatt's.Hefoundanoldhousesimilartoyours.It'ssmallerandit
needsalittlefixingup,andhewon'tsignthecontractuntilyouseeit,ofcourse,buthe
wantedtogivethekeytoyouasasymbolicweddinggift.

"Oh,myGod."Danni'seyesfilledwithtears."Hewasafraidyou'ddothat,sohesentthis,
too."

Tyreachedintohispocket,andpulledoutaclean-but-fadedredginghamsquare-Sparky's
oldkerchief.Dannitookitwithshakingfingersandcarefullydabbedhereyes,thentuckedit
intothebodiceofherweddingdress,overherheart.

Anewhouse?WhatonearthwouldtherestofherlifebelikewithMatthewCreed?Danni
couldn'tevenimagine.

Jackiebustledinwithapapercupofwater.

"Doc!You'recrying!"sheexclaimed."What'sthematter?"Shehurriedacrosstheroomto
Danni.

DanniheldthekeyouttoJackie,butTyhadtoexplainitsmeaning,becauseDannicouldn't
getanywordsout.

"Thatman!Iswear!"Jackiescolded."He'sgoneandmadeyoucryandruinedyourmakeup.
Here."

ShemadeDannisipthewater,thengrabbedamakeupbrushanddustedpowderonDanni's
cheeks.

"MatthewCreedhasalwayshadtheabilitytomakemecry,"Dannisniffed.

Jackiegaveherasuspiciouslook,thenwhirledandshookthebrushatTy."You'vecaused
enoughtroublehere!Yougetyourselfbackwiththemenwhereyoubelong!"

"Becarefulwhereyoupointthatthing."Tygrinned,brushedathistuxlapels,andleft.

OliviaarrivedandwhenJackieshowedherthekey,shesmiledandsaid,"Iknewthatmanwas
akeeper."

ThenCarolarrivedandtheyallshowedherthekey.

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"Didn'tItellyouthattherightmanwouldfindyousomeday?"sheintoned.

"Oh,hefoundher,allright-"Jackiewinked"-ontheislandofSt.Martin."

DannifiguredsheandMattwouldprobablyneverlivedowntheirunorthodoxbeginnings.
Mattsaiditwouldallmakeagreatstoryfortheirgrandchildren.Theideaofgrandchildren
withMattcausedhersentimentaltearstowellupagain.

"Wouldyoustopthat!"JackiecameatDanniwiththemakeupbrushagain.

"Idon'tknowwhat'swrongwithme,"DannisaidwhileJackietskedandpowdered."Foryears
Icouldneverreallycrynomatterwhathappened,andthesedaysIcan'tseemtostop!"

ThenOliviasteppedintoassistJackiewiththelast-minutetouch-ups."It'sbecauseofthe
baby,honey...andhappiness,"shesaidandtenderlyarrangedalongcurloverDanni's
shoulder.

"Well,that'sjustaboutenoughhappinessfornow,"Jackielectured."You'vegottogetout
thereandsayyourvowsinfrontoftwohundredfolks."

"Andthreedogs,"Dannireminded.

Oliviarolledhereyes.Thathadbeenherone,andsofarheronly,boneofcontentionwith
herson-in-law.Dogsatawedding.Simplyunheard-of.ButMatthadsaidthey'dgetmarried
downbytheriverandskipthechurchifPearlandSmokyandMissVerbenawerenot
welcomethere.Sothedogswereinside,sittingquietlyonthestonefloorofasideaisle,with
afiremaninafull-dressuniformholdingtheirleashes.

"Yes,andthat'saboutthedumbestthingIeversaw,"Jackiewassayingwhilesheagain
powderedDanni'sbrow."He'sevengotwhitesatinbowsonPearlandMissVerbena,anda
graydoggyascotonSmoky."

DannismiledanindulgentsmileandhuggedJackiewhenshehadfinishedthepowdering.
ThensheturnedandhuggedCarol,andthenOlivia,andwhenherpregnant-womantears
threatenedyetagain,thethreewomencalmedherandhurriedherintothechurchtomarry-
forthesecondtimeinherlife-themanofherdreams.


EPILOGUE

THEMOONWASFULL,ANDthepatientwasnotcooperating.

"Push!"Carolcommanded,butDanniwashavingnoneofit.Herface-red,puffyandstrained-
saiditall:utterexhaustion.

MattputhispalmsonDanni'scheeksandpositionedhisfacesquarelyinfrontofhers.He
spokecalmly:"Dr.Creed,youknowwhatyouhavetodo.Now,youaren'tgonnaembarrass
yourselfinfrontofallyourstaff,areyou?"

CarolsteppedbackuptothebedsidewithacoolwashclothandplaceditonDanni's
forehead."Letmetalktoher,"shemumbledtoMatt.

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"Danni,honey,Iknowyou'retired,"Carolsaidinherhuskyno-nonsensevoice."Eighteen
hoursoflaborwouldmakeanybodytired.Butwe'realmostthere.You'vegottohelpus.
You'vegottoreachdowninsideyourselfandfindthestrengthtopush.Thebaby,honey.
Thinkofthebaby."

Thebaby.

Danni'ssquarejawsuddenlylookedsetinstone.Sheroseuponherelbows."One's
starting."ShesignaledMatt,hereyeswide,hermouthformingafiercelineofdetermination.

Mattgotbehindherandsupportedhershoulderswithablendofloveandwillthatmadehis
musclesache.Ifonlyhecouldpushthisbabyoutforher.

DanniheldamightybreathandpushedwiththeferocityofAtlasliftingtheearth.Anhour
andahalfofthiskindofpushingandstillnoresult.Mattdidn'ttakehiseyesoffherfaceas
hecountedaloudforher,tryingnottolethisconcernshow.Whatifsomethingwaswrong?
Whereinthehellwasthatdoctor?Whywasn'tsheinhere?SurelyDannishouldhave
specialcare,sinceshewasaphysicianherself.EverydamnnurseatHolyCrossHospital
hadpoppedintoDanni'slaborroomduringthepastfewhourstoteaseher.Mattwantedto
chasethemout.Danni
washurting.Whydidn'tsomebodydosomething?He'dsuggestedaC-sectionhoursago,
andDannihadactuallylaughedbreathlesslyandpattedhishand.

"Ifthebaby'sstillposterior,doyouwanttotryknee-chest?"heheardCarolaskasshe
checkedthemonitorstrip.Dannifloppedbackonherpillowandnodded.Hesupposedshe
knewexactlywhatCarolwastalkingabout.Hewishedtohellsomebodywouldtellhimwhat
wasgoingon.
CarolexaminedDanni,thenpressedacallbuttonandanothernurse
appearedfromnowhere.Together,theygotDanniuponherknees,positionedherwithher
headdownandherrearintheair.Wasthissafe?Mattwondered.Wasthisevensane?

Butthethreewomenactedasifthisvoodoowereasnormalaspie.Danni,particularly,
seemedfilledwithfreshresolve.Hedidn'twanttointerrupttheproceedingswithinane
questions,butwasn'tthishiskid,too?"What'sgoingon?"heblurted.

"Baby'sfacingthewrongway,"Carolsaidasshereachedunderandspreadamonitoring
palmonDanni'spendulousabdomen."Pushinginknee-tochestturnsthemaround
sometimes."

"Don'tworry-"Danni'smuffledvoicecamefromherpillow"-wedothisallthetime."Thenshe
criedoutasacontractionhitherfullforceandsheagainpushedwithallherpower.

"Itworked!"Carolcriedtriumphantlywhenshedidanotherquickexam."GogetDr.
Clemmons,"shetoldtheothernurse,whoshotoutoftheroom.

Adifferentnurseappearedasifshe'dbeenhidingintheclosetsomewhereand,asquicklyas
apumpkinturningintoacarriage,thelaborbedbecameadeliverytable.Danni,suddenly
energized,startedgivingordersherself.Dr.Clemmensarrivedandtheywerealllaughingand
jokingandopeninginstrumentsandpouringliquids,allbeingsoefficient,sounflustered,even

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Danni-thatMattpresumedeverythingwasnowokay.

Mattputonthemaskthey'dgivenhimearlier,anddrapedonearmoverthebackofDanni's
bed,whichwasraisedtoalmostasittingposition.ThistimewhenhekissedDanni'sforehead
shedidn'tbathimaway.

ItseemedDr.ClemmensandDanniwereintotalaccord.Theymerelynoddedateachother
andthewholeroomfellsilent,evenDanni,aswithoneheldbreathandonecontrolledpush
sheissuedherbaby'sperfectdarkheadintotheoutsideworld.

Dr.ClemmensbusiedherselfmaneuveringthetinyshouldersandMattandDanniwatchedin
aweastheirdaughter'sbodyslippedout.Then,assuddenlyasifshehadmaterializedfrom
heavenitself,theirtinyangellayonDanni'sbelly,alreadysquirmingandcrying.

"Shelookslikeyou,"theysaidinunison,andbothlaughed.Danni'shandswerearoundthe
baby,andMattofferedthetipofhislargeindexfingerforthetinyinfantpalmtograsp.

Thebabyreflexivelyclosedherweefingersandimmediatelyquieted,staringwithhazyblue
eyesatthemanwhosefingershegripped.AcurrentranthroughMatt'swholesix-foot-three-
inchframe.

OneofthenursestookthenewborntotheOhiounitinthecornertocleanandweighher.
Mattfollowedasifpulledbyatractorbeam.
"Aren'tthoselightstoobrightforababy'seyes?"hedemanded.

"Ishealwayslikethat?"thenurseattendingDanniaskedher.

"Always,"Dannirepliedandlaybackonthepillow,foroncecontenttobetheoneministered
to

Thenshesawit:afullmoon,shiningintothedelivery-roomwindowlikeagreatsilent
witness.

ThoughtsofLisacame,astheyalwaysdidonfull-moonnights.Iloveyou,sissy,she
thought,asthefamiliarfilmoftearscloudedhereyes.Ialwayswill.

Butthistime,throughhertears,themoonseemedtobesmilingdownather,asifgivingher
aradiantbenediction.

SheglancedtowardthecornerwhereastrongmannamedMattcroonedoveratinybaby
namedLisa,andthenforalong,longmomentDr.DanniGoodbyeCreedlaidherheadback,
smilingatthemoon,andlettingpurebliss,and-atlonglast-truepeacefillherheart.

Theendof"PulloftheMoon".

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