Love Me By Christmas

Other Titles by Jaci Burton

PLAY-BY-PLAY NOVELS

The Perfect Play

Changing the Game

Taking a Shot

Playing to Win

Thrown by a Curve

One Sweet Ride

Melting the Ice

Straddling the Line

Quarterback Draw

All Wound Up

Hot Holiday Nights – A Novella

Holiday Games – A Novella

Holiday on Ice – A Novella

Unexpected Rush

Rules of Contact

The Final Score

HOPE NOVELS

Hope Smolders

Hope Flames

Hope Ignites

Hope Burns

Love After All

Make Me Stay

Don’t Let Go

Love Me Again

WILD RIDER NOVELS

Riding Wild

Riding Temptation

Riding on Instinct

Riding the Night

ANTHOLOGIES

Unlaced

Exclusive

Laced with Desire

Nauti and Wild

Nautier and Wilder

Hot Summer Nights

SPECIALS

The Ties That Bind

No Strings Attached

Wild Nights

Rescue Me

Nothing Personal

Unwrapped

Dare to Love

Unraveled

SINGLE TITLES

Love Me By Christmas

Wild, Wicked, & Wanton

Bound, Branded, & Brazen

Love Me By Christmas

ISBN: 978-1-946535-31-3

Cover by Designs By Dana

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This book is a work of fiction. The names,

characters, places, and incidents are products of the

writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously

and are not to be construed as real. Any

resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual

events, locale or organizations is entirely

coincidental.

Published by Jaci Burton

Praise for Jaci Burton

“A STALWART IN THE ROMANCE GENRE.”
—USA Today

“A wild ride.” —#1 New York Times bestselling
author Lora Leigh

“Jaci Burton delivers.” —Cherry Adair, New
York Times bestselling author

“As always, Jaci Burton delivers a hot read.” —
Fresh Fiction

“Burton is a master at sexual tension!” —RT
Book Reviews

“One to pick up and savor.” —Publishers
Weekly

Chapter One

“Do you want me to bring the Christmas

decorations down from the attic?”

Ellie Washington tensed. She hated this time

of year. And even though it would be five years this
holiday season, she still missed her husband, John.

She turned to John’s older brother, Nick, and

forced a smile. “I guess. Sure.”

Nick leaned against the kitchen counter. In

many  ways  he  resembled  John.  Tall,  lean,  dark
good  looks.  But  John  had  been  her  sweet,  button-
down  shirt  and  khaki  pants  nerd—a  financial
planner  by  trade  who’d  worn  the  same  look  at
home.

Nick was a grease monkey, an auto mechanic

who owned a shop a few miles from his house. He
wore jeans and T-shirts that were often smudged
and dirty. His black hair was always a bit too long,
and his eyes were a sea blue, whereas John had had
green eyes.

She missed John’s eyes, that way they used to

crinkle at the corners when he laughed.

Still stuck in the past, Ellie. Five years later,

you’re still thinking about John.

Time to move on.

She knew it, and yet she still felt…stuck. As if

she couldn’t quite find that joy that used to be hers.

Especially at the holidays, which was always

tough.

But this year was going to be different.

“Hey, Ellie. You listening?”

She blinked, lost in the memories. “Sorry.

What?”

“I said I thought maybe we’d take Henry and

get a tree this weekend.”

Her stomach knotted. John had died at

Christmastime  five  years  ago.  Henry  had  been
growing in her belly and they’d stood in front of the
tree,  John  rubbing  her  belly  bump  and  the  two  of
them  dreaming  about  the  following  year,  when
there would be a new baby in their house.

And then her husband had died and her life

had gone to hell. It had taken her a long time to get
over that, to be able to function again as a living,
breathing human.

She thought she was doing pretty damn well at

the functioning part. The living part? Maybe not so
much.

Nick came over and pulled her against him.

“You’re thinking about John.”

He always seemed to know her so well, knew

her moods and even her reflective moments. That
came from spending so much time together over the
past five years.

She looked up at him. “Yes.”

He rubbed her back. “We can put off the tree

and the decorations if you want.”

She pulled away. “Nope. We can’t. Henry

loves Christmas. You love Christmas, probably
even more than Henry does. I’ll get into it once all
the decorations are up just like I always do.”

He tipped her chin back with his fingers. “Like

you always do?”

She let her lips lift, just a little. “Okay, buddy.

Maybe I’m not all that jolly this time of year, but
I’m working on it.

And if she wasn’t all gung ho about Christmas,

okay, so maybe she was still a work in progress
there. Her husband had died in a fire on Christmas
Eve when she’d been at work. John, exhausted and
overworked, had fallen asleep. Faulty wiring had
sparked a fire in their old house and he’d died from
smoke inhalation.

“So…what do you think this year?” Nick

asked. “A noble fir?”

She shook herself out of the bad memories.

Bad memories were for the past, and she refused to
live in the past anymore. “That sounds great.”

Nick picked up his phone. “We could go

today. There’s still plenty of time before it gets
dark.”

“Or we could wait until tomorrow.”

Nick cracked a smile. “Yeah, because why do

something today we could do tomorrow instead?
Especially something you don’t really want to do,
right?”

He gave her that look that told her he knew

her all too well. And of course he did.

“Maybe we could wait a few days?” She cast

him a hopeful look.

He responded with his signature smile. “Sure.”

She wouldn’t let him see the relief that swept

through her. Instead, she offered up a smile.
“Thanks, Nick.”

“Hey, no big deal.”

“It is a big deal. You have no idea how much

everything you’ve done for me, and for Henry, has
meant to me.”

“Whoa. Where did that come from? And no

thanks is necessary, Ellie. You’re family.”

Family. Yeah, that’s what they were to each

other. But they were also so much more. At least
now. Back then when John died, they’d been each
other’s saviors.

She’d moved into his house five years ago.

She’d  had  nowhere  else  to  go.  She  didn’t  have
family.  When  she’d  married  John,  his  family  had
become  her  family.  And  after  the  fire,  it  had  been
Nick who’d taken her in and become her lifeline.

She hadn’t meant to stay at Nick’s house this

long. But she’d been five months pregnant with
Henry when John had died, and finding a new place
to live had been impossible at that time. Then she’d
given birth and Henry had been an infant and Nick
had told her he had three bedrooms and there was
no hurry.

His place was perfect, a one-story brick house

near the hospital in St. Louis where she worked as a
labor and delivery nurse. She’d settled in with
Henry and had felt safe and comfortable.

Then safe and comfortable had become

routine for all of them.

Now Henry was four and he loved his uncle

Nick.  He  had  his  own  room  and  Nick  had  wired
model  airplanes  to  soar  on  the  ceiling.  They’d
painted  the  room  a  bright  blue,  and  he  had  a  four-
drawer dresser and oversized wooden box that Nick
had  made  for  all  of  Henry’s  toys,  plus  a  nice  twin

bed next to the window that looked out over the
huge backyard.

Her room was nice, too. It was spacious with a

queen bed and a beautiful quilt plus a lovely sitting
area  where  she  could  read.  It  had  a  connecting
bathroom  that  she  shared  with  Henry,  which  was
perfect  in  case  Henry  wasn’t  feeling  well  or  she
needed  to  check  on  him.  It  also  gave  her  privacy
and  a  separation  from  Nick,  which  Nick  thought
was important.

In the beginning she hadn’t been thinking

much  of  anything  other  than  basic  survival.  But
after  a  while  she’d  seen  its  merits.  Plus  the  room
had a walk-in closet, which worked perfect for her.
Not  that  she  had  a  lot  of  clothes.  She  had  her
scrubs, her jeans, and basic tops. It wasn’t like she
went out on dates or anything.

Ugh. Dates. Just the thought of it, of going out

with anyone who wasn’t Nick…

Not that she was going to go out on a date

with Nick. Because he’d never asked her. Not that
she hadn’t thought about it once or twice or a
hundred times in the past year or two.

The change had been subtle. First, he’d been

her brother-in-law and nothing more. And then,
there were these chemical signals, like running into
him in the hall while he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and

she found her gaze lingering. At the time, she’d
thought she should probably look away. Only she
hadn’t looked away.

It was at that point she’d realized she needed

to start living again. She’d noticed Nick as a man. A
hot, living, breathing man. It was time.

“Let’s go out tonight.”

She blinked, feeling like she’d been caught

fantasizing about Nick. Had she been staring at
him? She wasn’t sure. She looked over at him.
“What?”

“Henry mentioned pizza before I dropped him

off at Oscar’s for his playdate. What do you
think?”

“About?”

Nick cocked his head to the side and smirked.

“Pizza, Ellie.”

Shake it off, Ellie.

She cocked her head to the side and gave Nick

the once-over. Despite the hotness factor, of which
he had an ample amount, the dude was looking a
little shaggy.

“You need a haircut.”

He dragged his fingers through the unruly

thickness of his dark hair. “No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. If it gets any longer, I’ll be able

to put it up with one of my ponytail holders.”

“Bullshit. It’s not that long.”

“It is, too. At least a trim.”

“We have to go pick up Henry.”

She lifted her phone out of her pocket to

check the time. “Not for another half hour, which
gives me plenty of time to trim your hair.”

“I hate haircuts.”

“I know. But you can let me trim it, then we’ll

go get pizza. Now sit.”

He sighed. “Is this a torture/reward kind of

thing?”

She shrugged. “If you want to look at it like

that, fine. But you’re getting a haircut, and then
we’ll get pizza.”

“Fine. But not too short.”

She smiled as she went to one of the drawers

in the kitchen to pull out her hair-cutting scissors.
“Of course not. I wouldn’t want to ruin your rock
star good looks.”

He’d taken a seat at the kitchen table, so he

tilted his head back until she could see the twinkle
in his eyes. “So…you think I look like a rock star,
huh?”

She grabbed a kitchen towel and draped it

over his shoulders. “Yes. Shaggy and unkempt.”

She dragged her fingers through the thick

softness of his hair, and for a moment she wanted
to linger. The thought of it gave her pause.

She’d cut Nick’s hair countless times and not

once had she ever thought about how it felt in her
hands. The softness of it, or how her fingers tingled
as she sifted the strands through them.

Softness? Tingles?

She paused. What was that all about?

“Don’t cut too much. Seriously. I hate short

haircuts.”

Her lips curved. “You know, for a guy who

never complains about anything, you sure are picky
about your hair.”

“My hair is magic, Ellie.”

She rolled her eyes. “Right. And I have

unicorn eyelashes.”

He tilted his head back and looked at her face.

“I knew there was something special about those
long lashes of yours. Bet your hair is made from
pixie dust, too, isn’t it?”

He picked up a strand of her hair and sifted it

through his fingers, and maybe he lingered just a
little longer than was usual when he teased her.

She felt that zing of attraction.

This flirting was killing her. Or was she reading

something into it that wasn’t there?

Yeah, she definitely had to shake it off.

“And here I thought maybe it was your hair

that was made of pixie dust, the way you fuss over
it.”

He laughed and the deep, gravelly sound of it

shot right through all the feminine parts of her that
had lain dormant for the past five years.

“No way. My hair is made from ancient Thor

and Hulk follicles.”

She paused and stepped around to stare at

him. “Yeah? And where do you find those?”

“eBay.”

She snorted out a laugh, then went back to

focusing on the task at hand.

“I like you better with your hair a little

longer,” she said.

He tilted his head back and gave her that

signature smile of his, the one where one side of his
mouth lifted. “Aha. See? You do think I look like a
rock star.”

Now it was her turn to laugh. “I didn’t say

that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

She shook her head and finished the trim, then

grabbed the comb, though it wouldn’t do any good.
Nick’s hair just fell naturally into place whichever
way it wanted to. And typically whatever way it
wanted to fall was still pretty darned hot.

“Done.”

He got up and shook his head. “Thanks. And

you’re right. It does feel better having a little of
that length cut away.”

“Plus you look much better.” She swept some

of the hair away from his face, her body once again
tingling in response to touching him.

What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On. With. You.

Ellie?

She had no idea, but she quickly snatched her

hand away. “Yup. Looks fine.”

“Good. I’m gonna go shower and wash away

the motor oil smell from work today. Then we’ll
head out.”

She wouldn’t tell him she liked that motor oil

smell on him. He’d think it was weird. Or kinky. Or
something.

Oh, my God what is wrong with you? Now

you’re turned on by his motor oil scent?

She was most definitely not turned on. His

scent was just familiar to her, which made Nick
comfortable to her.

Not hot or sexy or anything.

Stop thinking about Nick like that.

When he left, she exhaled, exhausted by her

body’s responses and her utterly bizarre thoughts.
She grabbed the broom to sweep up the hair on the
floor. After she finished, she went into her
bathroom to check herself in the mirror.

Her face was flushed, and since it was early

December,  it  wasn’t  because  of  the  heat.  She
washed her face, then brushed her hair. On impulse,
she applied makeup and lip gloss, realizing as soon
as  she’d  done  it  that  it  was  ridiculous  because  she
never  thought  about  those  things  when  she  was
hanging out with her son and with Nick.

So why are you doing it now?

She had no answer for that, but since she’d

already done it, there was no undoing it.

It was just pizza night with Nick and Henry

and nothing more. As for her reactions to Nick,
well, she had no answers for what had happened.

Maybe it was time to start thinking about

herself as a woman again. And maybe her body was
pushing her in that direction.

But not with Nick. Nick was John’s brother.

Chapter Two

Nick glanced over at Ellie as they drove to

pick  up  Henry.  Something  was  off  with  her  today.
At  first  he  thought  she  was  upset  because  he’d
brought  up  the  Christmas  decorations.  But  she
seemed  to  have  gotten  past  that,  and  now  she
was…he didn’t know.

She was twisting her fingers around like she

had something on her mind.

“You nervous about something?”

Her head shot up. “Me? Nervous? No. Why?

Am I acting nervous?”

He laughed. “You definitely are now. What’s

up?”

“Nothing. I’m fine. “ She offered up a smile

that was anything but genuine. “You know, just
hungry. What kind of pizza should we have
tonight?”

Yeah, she was definitely nervous about

something. They’d lived together for almost five
years now. They were relaxed around each other.
They told each other everything. So for there to be
something Ellie wasn’t telling him, it had to be a big
deal.

But he wasn’t going to push her. If she wanted

to talk about it, she would.

He’d wait.

As soon as they pulled up in front of Oscar’s

house, Ellie opened the car door. “I’ll go grab him,”
she said.

He nodded and waited, watching her saunter

up to the front door and trying not to notice how
her jeans hugged her ass.

He’d been trying not to notice her for the past

couple of years. He hadn’t been too successful at it,
because lately, that noticing thing was becoming
more prominent.

Nick wasn’t sure when things had changed.

The first couple of years after John had died, he’d
been wrapped up in his shock and grief. Plus, he’d
moved Ellie into his house. How could he not? She
had no other family, and she was pregnant. And,
okay, maybe he’d needed her at that time as much
as she’d needed him.

She hadn’t been the only one to lose John.

He’d lost him, too.

And then she’d given birth to Henry. He’d had

to push past the grief and help Ellie raise an infant
while adjusting to life without John.

It was all they could do to keep their heads

above  water.  His  parents,  who  lived  in  Arizona
now, had been frequent visitors and helped with the
baby  when  Nick  couldn’t.  He  owned  the  garage
and  had  people  depending  on  him  for  their
livelihoods. He couldn’t abandon them.

It had been a lot. But eventually, he and Ellie

had settled into a routine. Thank God for Henry,
who’d given them both a reason to keep going.

He wasn’t sure he’d have gotten through it

without  Ellie.  He’d  figured  he’d  be  the  one  who
was gonna be there for her, but the two of them had
spent  hour  after  hour,  day  after  day,  month  after
month  talking  about  John.  They’d  cried  together
and laughed together telling stories about John.

Her living there with him had helped him heal

from losing his brother.

Now, as he watched Henry dash to the car, he

couldn’t help but smile. His coat hung open and
flapped in the sharp wind, and his hair flew in all
directions.

God, he loved that kid, who looked so much

like John it made his heart hurt. But it also made
him smile, because a part of John lived on through
him, and that eased the pain.

Henry pulled the back door open, Ellie right

behind to help buckle him into the car seat.

“Hi, Uncle Nick. Guess what I did today?”

“Hey, Henry. What did you do today?”

“We played soccer out back with Oscar’s dad

and then we played games on his PlayStation and
then we ate lunch and I ate spakettie—“

“Spaghetti,” Ellie corrected.

“Yeah. Spakettie. And then we played with

Oscar’s dog, Duke, and then we wrestled with
Oscar’s big brother, who’s in high school.” He
finished that statement off with wide eyes.

“You did, huh?” Nick asked. “Did you kick his

butt?”

Henry giggled. “Nuh-uh. But he let us jump on

him.”

“I’ll bet that was fun.”

“It was. Mom said we’re having pizza for

dinner.”

“Yup. What kind do you want?”

“Pepperoni.”

“Pepperoni it is. What do you think, Ellie?”

Ellie slid into the front seat and buckled her

seat belt, then looked over her shoulder at Henry.
“It’s my favorite pizza ever.”

“Is not,” Henry said. “You like all that

vegetable stuff.”

Henry never let anything get past him,

including his mother’s favorite pizza.

“Okay, maybe,” Ellie said. “But I like

pepperoni, too.”

“Great. Can we play games, Uncle Nick?”

Henry asked.

“You know it, buddy.”

“Awesome.”

And then Henry settled. Nick put the car into

gear and they drove to the pizza place.

“I’ll get us a table if you want to order?” Ellie

asked.

Nick nodded, so he went to order their pizza

and drinks. He knew Ellie would want water, and
Ellie required Henry to have a glass of milk before
he could have any soda, so he figured he’d order
milk for Henry and a soda for himself.

“You here to play the games or are you just

into our outstanding pizza?”

He looked up to find a cute blonde, probably

college-aged, grinning at him. And very clearly
flirting with him.

“Oh, I’m here with my nephew.”

She gave him the once-over. “So…no wife or

kid of your own yet, huh?”

Oh, yeah, definitely flirting. “Uh, no.”

“I see.”

She waited, no doubt to see if he’d linger and

flirt back. Instead, he placed his order, much to the
cute blonde’s disappointment.

But he smiled all the way to the table.

Nice to know he still had it goin’ on.

He found Ellie and Henry at a table near a

group  of  kids  that  Henry  was  already  chatting  up.
Henry  wasn’t  shy  at  all,  which  was  a  great  thing.
By the time he made it to the table, Henry had run
off to the indoor slide with a couple of the kids who
looked  to  be  his  age.  Fortunately,  they  had  a  clear
sight line to the area from their table, so they could
keep an eye on him.

He slid onto the bench next to Ellie. “Already

made friends, did he?”

She smiled, a real one this time, and it made

his gut tighten. “You know Henry.”

“Yeah, I do. I swear that kid is either going to

be a politician or the best salesman in the world.”

Ellie laughed. “Probably.”

He loved hearing her laugh. He hadn’t heard

much of it the first year after John died. Every year
since, he heard it more and more, especially as it
related to Henry. He wanted to hear it often,
because the sound of it was perfect.

She was perfect.

And she was totally off-limits because she was

his brother’s widow.

He shifted his gaze to the cute blonde at the

counter. Maybe he should consider getting out
there and start dating.

Nah. The blonde was really pretty, and if he’d

been interested in her, he’d have bantered back and
forth  with  her  and  maybe  made  a  date  with  her.
Instead, he was thinking about Ellie. He’d been so
focused  on  Ellie  and  Henry  for  the  past  five  years
he  hadn’t  even  considered  the  idea  of  dating
anyone.

Ellie had been the only person in his life. Plus,

she  was  beautiful,  with  her  shoulder-length  brown
hair and soulful brown eyes that captured him with
their  warmth.  Those  eyes  had  been  filled  with
sadness  for  so  long,  but  when  she  was  happy?
Damn, those eyes could melt the hardest steel.

Lately there had been a lot more happy days

than sad ones. He had to admit, he wanted to be the
guy to put a smile on her face, to make her laugh
again, and to lace his fingers with hers and—

“What are you so deep in thought about?”

He snapped his attention on Ellie. He

definitely didn’t want her to know his thoughts had
been centered on her. So he turned his head and

motioned to Henry. “I was just watching Henry.
He’s having fun.”

“Doesn’t he always?”

“Yeah.” The one thing they’d always had in

common—besides  John—was  Henry.  Henry  had
been  a  connection  between  them  through  their
grief,  pushing  the  ache  of  loss  to  the  background
and forcing them both to function. And now Henry
had bonded them as a—

Not a couple. They weren’t a couple. They

were roommates. But damn if it hadn’t started
feeling like a lot more lately.

At least to him.

Which was exactly the problem.

Chapter Three

Ellie finished up the laundry, then sat at the

table  to  pay  some  bills  online.  By  the  time  she
closed her laptop and went into Henry’s room, Nick
was  sitting  on  the  bed  next  to  him,  reading  him  a
story.  Henry’s  hair  was  still  a  little  damp  from  the
bath Nick had given him.

Her heart squeezed at the picture the two of

them made. Nick’s long legs hung off the bed and
Henry’s head cuddled against Nick’s chest, the two
of them so engrossed in the book’s adventures they
didn’t even notice her in the doorway.

She watched as Henry’s eyes slowly drifted

closed. It wasn’t surprising he’d drift off so quickly
considering the busy day he’d had. Her son always
played hard all day long and well into the evening.
Then  tonight  Henry  had  helped  her  bake  zucchini
bread.  Baking  with  Henry  was  one  of  her  favorite
things  to  do,  even  though  he  often  ended  up  with
more  flour  on  himself  than  there  was  in  the  bowl.
But  it  always  made  him  laugh.  And  hearing  Henry
laugh? That made her heart happy.

Nick eased Henry’s head onto his pillow,

smoothed his hand over Henry’s head, then kissed
him before turning off the light.

Nick stopped in the doorway. “We didn’t even

make it four pages. My little buddy was wiped
tonight.”

“More adventures for tomorrow, then.”

“Yup.”

She yawned.

“Need me to read you to sleep?” Nick asked.

She laughed. “I don’t think I’m going to need

a book to make me fall asleep.”

“True. You usually can’t even stay awake

through an entire movie.”

She playfully shoved his shoulder. “That’s so

not true. I make it through at least fifty percent of
the movies we watch.”

He gave her an adorable smirk. “Yeah, sure

you do.”

Something about Nick’s smile made her want

to  linger,  to  breathe  him  in,  to  explore.  But  since
they were in Henry’s doorway, she pushed off and
went  into  the  kitchen,  while  Nick  headed  into  the
living  room.  They  had  a  routine  most  nights.  After
Henry  went  to  bed,  Ellie  fixed  them  a  snack  and
they  watched  television  together  for  an  hour  or
two. They took turns choosing what to watch.

She fixed some warm tea for herself and

coffee for Nick, along with slices of zucchini bread

for both of them that she’d made earlier in the
evening.

“I think it’s your turn to pick,” Ellie said,

pulling her legs up on the sofa and setting her tea
down on the table.

“Already got it set. It’s an animal show about

lions on the hunt.”

She groaned. “You really like to torture me,

don’t you?”

“Hey, if I can watch eight hundred episodes of

Grey’s Anatomy, you can suck it up and watch a
few nature episodes.”

“There haven’t been eight hundred episodes.”

“There’s been years of it, Ellie. Years.” He

took a bite of the bread, chewed, and swallowed.
“Plus you watch the reruns, too.”

She sighed. He did have a point. “Fine. Lions

it is. But you have to admit you enjoy Grey’s
Anatomy.”

“I’ll never admit to that.”

She laughed, then settled in to watch the lions

with him. After a half hour, Nick got up and went
into the kitchen.

“Where are you going?”

“I need popcorn.”

“You just ate zucchini bread.”

He shrugged as he shoved a popcorn bag into

the  microwave  and  pressed  the  button.  Ellie  rolled
her eyes. The man was always hungry. Then again,
he  worked  hard,  both  at  his  job  and  here  at  home.
She always worked the early shift at the hospital, so
Nick  got  Henry  up  and  fed  and  off  to  preschool.
And  when  she  had  to  work  late,  he  was  there  to
pick  Henry  up  and  take  care  of  dinner.  The  man
even did laundry.

She didn’t know why he was so committed to

her and to Henry.

Okay, she knew why. Because of John.

And she’d been okay with that in the

beginning.  She’d  needed  his  help  and  she  hadn’t
objected when he’d made the offer. But it would be
five  years  this  Christmas.  Ellie  had  a  stable,  great
job  as  a  nurse.  She  made  decent  money.  She’d
invested  the  insurance  from  John  and  from  the
house. She was fine now and could certainly find a
place of her own for Henry and herself.

So why hadn’t she?

Nick slid onto the sofa and draped his legs

over her lap, laying the bowl of popcorn on his
stomach. He leveled a wicked smile in her
direction. “And don’t think I’m sharing any of this
with you.”

She knew why she hadn’t moved out yet.

First, because Nick hadn’t asked her to. And
second, because she was happy here. Nick had
carved out a safe, comfortable, happy haven for her
and for Henry.

Happy. God, when was the last time that word

had entered her mind in the past five years?

Ever?

Of course she’d been happy. She’d cried

bittersweet happy tears when Henry had been born.
Sad because John would never know him but, at the
same time, happy about his birth. Nick had been
there, and John and Nick’s parents, too. It had been
a happy day. And every milestone Henry had
achieved had been a happy one. His first smile, first
giggle, his first steps…

All of them taking place here, at Nick’s house.

This was Henry’s house. How could she even

think of leaving?

Because Nick isn’t yours, and for years

you’ve been holding him back from having his own
life.

She was shocked as the realization slapped her

in the face. She’d spent so much time the past five
years wrapped up in putting her life back together
and dealing with Henry’s needs, she hadn’t realized
how much she had taken from Nick.

She sneaked a peek at him, watching him as he

focused on the television.

Maybe it was time to give back.

Maybe it was time to let Nick go so he could

get on with his life.

And she could get on with hers.

Her chest constricted and she felt the walls

closing in on her. Was it panic over the thought of
actual dating?

Maybe.

But as she looked over at Nick, she realized it

was more likely the thought of each of them getting
on with their lives—separate from each other—that
was making her heart do that painful squeezy thing.

She stared at Nick, who was currently shoving

handfuls of popcorn in his mouth. It would be so
easy to ask him to help ease her into the dating
pool.

And so utterly unfair. He’d done everything

for her. She wouldn’t ask him to date her.

Though the idea had its merits. Nick wasn’t

some  random  guy  she  didn’t  know.  And  definitely
not shabby at all in the looks department. Working
at  the  garage  kept  him  fit.  His  forearms  were  well
muscled,  like  the  rest  of  him.  He  was  lean,  his
stomach flat, his shoulders broad—

“Hey, quit ogling my popcorn.”

Her gaze snapped to his when she realized she

had been ogling—not his popcorn bowl, but the
man holding it. “I don’t want your popcorn.”

“Liar.” He picked up a kernel and tossed it at

her.

She grabbed it and ate it. Of course, she

couldn’t eat just one popcorn kernel, so she leaned
over him to grab a handful from the bowl.

“Nuh-uh,” he said, keeping the bowl just out

of her grasp. “You said you didn’t want any.”

“I changed my mind. Gimme,” she said,

laughing as she knocked his legs off her lap, then
levered up to reach the bowl.

And her knee connected sharply with his

groin.

“Shit,” he said, dropping the popcorn bowl on

the floor.

“Oh, my God, Nick, I’m so sorry.” She

reached for him, but he had curled up into the fetal
position on the sofa.

“It’s okay,” he mumbled.

She slid off the sofa and kneeled at his side.

“Let me help you. I can get some ice.”

“I don’t need ice. I’m fine.”

He was not fine. She’d shoved her knee right

into his balls. “Let me look at it.”

His head shot up. “What? No. Just leave me

alone.”

He slid off the sofa and limped away.

Undaunted, she followed as he eased his way down
the hall toward his bedroom.

“Nick, you’re being ridiculous. Let me look at

it.”

“I’m not letting you look at my balls. Jesus,

Ellie.”

“I’m a nurse, Nick.”

He grumbled something about “You’re way

more than that” before shoving his bedroom door in
her face.

Of course she was more than that. She was his

sister-in-law. It would be awkward, sure, but in
times of crisis, she was a medical professional.

That’s what he’d meant, right? That it would

be awkward because they were family?

Or had he meant something else?

And why was she even thinking about what

he’d meant when he was in pain? That’s what she
needed to deal with right now.

She went into the kitchen and grabbed a

package of peas out of the freezer. She wrapped the
peas in one of the kitchen towels and went down
the hall to lightly knock on Nick’s door.

“Hey, it’s me. I have frozen peas for your

genitals. Can I come in?”

“I don’t need peas, Ellie. Go away.”

“Nick, please.” When he didn’t answer right

away, she leaned against the wall and waited.

At least a full minute passed before she heard

a resigned groan. “Fine.”

She turned the knob to find him sitting on his

bed. He was wearing only his boxer briefs, both
hands cradling his balls. She winced in sympathy
though she had no balls.

It had to be so painful.

She walked in and, knowing how much he

really didn’t want her to touch him, she handed the
towel and peas to him.

“I’m really sorry.”

He laid them over his crotch. “It’s fine. It’s not

like you meant to do it.”

“Of course I didn’t. How does it feel?”

He arched a brow. “Great, now that I have

magic peas on my balls.”

She let out a soft laugh. “I’m sure. It is kind of

funny, you know.”

“Not at all funny on this side.”

“Okay, it’ll be funny tomorrow. Or maybe the

next day. When your balls don’t throb so much.”

“Maybe. But a beer would have been better

than peas. Or maybe two beers.”

“One for each testicle?”

“No. One for my balls and one to drink.”

Her lips kicked up and she sat on the edge of

his bed. “Oh. Of course. I’ll remember that next
time.”

“Please tell me there won’t be a next time.”

“Right. No next time. Promise. I won’t get

anywhere near you with my vicious knees.”

Now his lips curved, and she felt immense

relief.

“This is really awkward,” he said.

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. You’re in my bedroom, I’m in my

underwear…”

“There are peas…”

“Not beer.”

She laughed. “Yes.”

She inhaled and let it out. The awkwardness

expanded, at least on her part. She was in his
bedroom. And Nick was in his underwear, and they
were both sitting on his bed, and he looked really
damn fine without clothes.

Whoa, Ellie. Time to rein it in.

She stood in a hurry. “If you’re okay, I guess

I’ll leave you alone.”

“Yeah. Thanks for the peas.”

“You’re welcome. Good night, Nick.”

“Night, Ellie.”

She shut the door to his room, realizing her

entire body was on fire.

But it wasn’t from embarrassment or anger. It

was desire. Hot, flaming, she’d wanted to pounce
on him and kiss him desire.

Holy crap. It was a good thing Nick’s balls

were injured, because if he’d been fully capable,
she wasn’t sure what she might have done.

Oh, who was she kidding? She knew exactly

what she would have done. She’d have gotten him
naked or gotten herself naked and then gotten him
naked. Or maybe she would have asked him to get
her naked. Or any combination thereof would have
suited her just fine, as long as they both ended up
naked, their bodies touching each other.

Her face flamed as mental visuals of what that

would  be  like  assaulted  her.  She  put  her  hands  to
her  face  hoping  to  cool  herself  down,  then  went
into  the  living  room,  turned  off  the  TV,  swept  up
the  spilled  popcorn,  and  did  the  dishes,  none  of
which turned off her suddenly turned-on libido.

She finally made her way into her bedroom,

washed her face and brushed her teeth, changed
out of her clothes and got into bed, and stared up at
the dark ceiling looking for answers.

She didn’t find any.

This was very bad. So bad.

What was she going to do now?

Chapter Four

After a restless night, Ellie had been happy to

flee the house extra early this morning for her shift
at the hospital. She’d dressed and brewed a cup of
coffee, made her lunch as well as Nick’s and
Henry’s, then left a note for Nick so he’d be aware
she had already gone.

Cowardly, for sure, but she wasn’t yet ready to

face him after last night. She figured by the time
she got home she might be able to handle it. Handle
him.

Or not handle him. She definitely should not

handle Nick in any way at all.

She rolled her eyes and parked in the

employee  parking  lot  at  the  hospital,  then  headed
up to the maternity floor. She slid her lunch into the
fridge  and  went  downstairs  to  the  cafeteria  for
breakfast.  She’d  likely  not  get  a  break  until
lunchtime,  which  often  was  an  on-the-go  and  on-
her-feet  kind  of  meal.  Since  she  was  early  this
morning, she intended to have a leisurely breakfast
while she had the chance.

She got coffee, a bowl of fresh fruit, and an

egg-white omelet along with an orange juice, paid
for the meal, and carried the tray to a nearby table.

The coffee tasted like a small slice of heaven on
earth.

It was so rare to have these moments to

herself. It might only be fifteen minutes, but this
was nirvana.

“You’re early today. You’re never early.”

She looked up to see her friend Francesca

Garavaldi slide into the seat across from her.

“I’m early sometimes,” Ellie said.

Fran pinned her with a look. “No, sometimes

you make it right before shift change. Most times
you’re running like your hair is on fire and you’re
late.”

“Okay, fine. So this is unusual. I couldn’t sleep

last night, so I thought I’d start out the week
coming in early and having a good breakfast.”

Fran picked up her bagel and tore off a piece,

chewing while she stared thoughtfully at Ellie. She
washed it down with a giant swallow of coffee,
then

said,

“Something’s

different.

What

happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“That’s a load of BS and you know it. Tell me

what’s going on. Is Henry okay?”

“Henry’s fine. And okay, maybe something

happened. Sort of.”

“It’s not like you to be vague, Ellie.”

She was right, of course. “So I kicked Nick in

the balls last night. Accidentally,” she added
quickly.

Fran arched a brow, then grasped her cup in

both hands and leaned closer. “I can’t wait to hear
this story.”

“We were watching TV. Nick made popcorn,

right after I had served him up some zucchini
bread. He’s always hungry, you know.”

Fran nodded. “Because he’s a man.”

“Right. Anyway, he was teasing me about not

sharing  and  suddenly  we  were  battling  for  the
popcorn  bowl.  I  scrambled  up  his  body  to  grab  it
from  him  and  there  went  my  knee,  right  into  his
testicles.”

Fran grimaced. “Ouch.”

“Yeah. He hurried into his bedroom and shut

the door, and wouldn’t let me tend to him.”

Fran gave Ellie a sideways look. “Imagine

that.”

“He was rather adamant about it. But come

on,  Fran.  I’m  a  nurse  and  we’re  friends.”  Though
last  night  Nick  said  something  about  them  being
more  than  that.  And  she  still  didn’t  know  what  he
meant.

“He’s a hot single guy and you’re a hot single

woman,” Fran said.

“It’s not like that between us.”

“Maybe he wants it to be like that between the

two of you. Or maybe you want it to be like that
between the two of you.”

Ellie shook her head. “I can’t. He’s John’s

brother.”

“So what? He’s gorgeous and has an amazing

body. He’s smart and he’s funny. He’s been there
every step of the way with you, and you know he’s
great as a friend. Plus you already know he’s an
awesome father figure to Henry.”

“Yes. Henry loves him.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“He’s John’s brother.”

Fran rolled her eyes. “You already said that.

And that’s not even relevant. If you’re attracted to
him, honey, then go for it.”

Ellie took a sip of her coffee, then cupped the

warm liquid between her hands. “It just feels wrong
somehow. And I can’t help but feel the attraction is
due to the close proximity we’ve shared the past
five years.”

“You mean any guy will do?”

“Ew.”

“Well, that’s what you meant, wasn’t it?”

“No. Not at all. I mean, of course I’m

attracted to Nick. How could I not be? He’s so fine-
looking, and he’s responsible and great with
Henry.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Where did she start? “I don’t know if I’m

ready.”

“You know things are going to close up or get

moldy down there if you don’t get some action
soon.”

Ellie choked out a laugh. “Fran.”

“Well, come on, honey. You’re going on five

years without sex. Don’t you want some sex?”

More than she’d ever tell her best friend.

“Yes.”

“Okay, then. How about having it with Nick?”

She shrugged. “It just doesn’t seem fair to him

to even suggest it. I’ve been the only woman in his
life. He hasn’t dated, has never brought a woman
over, hasn’t had a relationship because all he’s
done is take care of Henry and me.”

“So what do you want to do, fix him up with a

nice woman so you don’t have to feel anything for

him?”

She looked down at her coffee cup. “I’ve

considered it.”

Fran slanted a flat expression at her. “Ellie.

That’s ridiculous. You have an incredibly sweet and
sexy man you’re attracted to, and you want to give
him to someone else? That’s insane.”

“Maybe. But after all he’s done for me and for

Henry, don’t you think I owe it to him to give him a
chance to find some happiness?”

She caught the sympathetic look on Fran’s

face. God knew she’d seen it plenty of times after
John died.

“Oh, honey, I totally understand where you’re

coming from. But what if his chance of happiness
could be with you?”

Ellie shook her head. “I’d never ask that of

him. Not without giving him an opportunity to step
outside the comfort zone we’ve built together. I
owe him that.”

“I think your sense of honor is a little warped,

but whatever. That’s your choice. But I can’t help
but feel this could be a huge mistake, and one you
might regret.”

“Possibly. But I just wouldn’t feel right unless

I gave it a try.”

Fran took the last bite of her bagel, chewed,

and swallowed. “Okay. So what are you going to
do?”

“I haven’t figured that out yet. I’ll think about

it.”

“You do that. In the meantime, finish eating.

There are mothers in labor waiting for us.”

Fran was right. Time to put Nick on the back

burner and mommies-to-be on the front burner.

She had a wonderful couple to care for—first-

time parents Krista and Brian. He was incredibly
solicitous and so sweet to her, even when Krista
settled into the not-so-pleasant part of her labor.

Not that any part of labor was a cakewalk, but

transition was tough, and Krista was determined to
have a natural childbirth.

Ellie admired the hell out of women who

opted to deliver without any drugs. Ellie had made
it as far as six centimeters dilated when she’d asked
for her epidural.

Those damn contractions hurt like hell, and all

she’d wanted was pain relief and the sweet comfort
of having her husband and the father of her child
by her side.

She’d gotten the pain relief, eventually, but

John would never be there. Nick had been, though.

He’d held her hand and stayed with her through all
the  gross  parts  of  her  delivery,  and  when  it  had
been  time  to  cut  the  cord,  Nick’s  eyes  filled  with
tears  as  he  did  it.  She’d  known  he  was  thinking
about  John  as  much  as  she  had  been,  and  she’d
wanted  him  in  there  with  her.  Nick  had  been  the
closest  she’d  get  to  having  John  with  her  for
Henry’s birth.

After, she’d been excited and crying and

exhausted and Nick had kissed her on the top of
her head and told her she was a champion and
women were awesome creatures.

She’d felt like a champion that day. She’d

always loved being a labor and delivery nurse, but
it sure gave her a different perspective having a
baby of her own. Because giving birth was the
hardest thing in the world.

When Krista and Brian had their sweet baby

girl  in  their  arms,  it  made  Ellie’s  day.  She  was
perfect and pink and squalling and Krista and Brian
were  both  crying  happy  tears.  This  was  the  best
part  of  Ellie’s  job—a  happy  ending  with  no
complications.

She’d worked a couple of hours post shift to

make sure she stayed with Krista through her
delivery. She often did this, because once a laboring
mother was in the hard part of labor, it was
traumatic to change nurses. She’d texted Nick and

let him know she’d be late getting home, and he’d
told her he’d pick up Henry from daycare and feed
him dinner.

What would she do without him? The thought

sent a wave of panic through her.

If she did move out and live on her own, she’d

have to adjust her lifestyle, make arrangements for
someone else to be there for Henry.

She thought about that as she went to her

locker to get her purse. She’d manage it, because
that’s what single mothers did all the time.

She paused as she realized she’d never thought

of herself as a single mother before, likely because
Nick had been there with here since the beginning.

The thought of severing that tie to him was

scary—and a little sad. But she still intended to do
it.

She had to stop depending on Nick, because

Nick wasn’t hers.

And it was time to let him go.

Chapter Five

Nick had two brake jobs still to do, and he was

working on a transmission when Rob hollered at
him.

“Your phone’s been vibrating all across the

desk for an hour.”

Shit. He didn’t like to keep his phone on him

when he was working on a car. Bad enough his
jeans and the rest of him would end up covered in
grease and dirt.

“Okay, thanks, Rob.” He finished connecting

the brake line and slid out from under the Ford,
grabbed a shop rag to wipe his hands, and went into
the office. Rob was in there on the laptop.

“What’s the status on the carburetor for that

Mustang?” he asked as he picked up his phone.

“Finished it and doing the invoice now. I

already called the customer to let them know it was
ready. Next up is the oil pump job.”

Nick nodded and checked his phone. Two

missed calls from Ellie.

Damn. He frowned, hoping nothing was wrong

with Henry. He checked his voice mail.

“Hi, Nick. Nothing urgent. Someone at the

hospital just gave me two tickets to a holiday party
tonight at the community center. It’s a fundraiser,
and guests need to bring an unwrapped toy.
Anyway, I was hoping you’d go with me. I already
got a sitter for Henry. It’s at six, so just text me and
let me know, okay?”

He went to the next message.

“It’s me again. I’ll get the toy on my way

home from work. Oh, and there’s food at the party,
so no cooking. How great is that?”

That was the end of the message. He stared at

his phone, wondering what alien had possessed
Ellie. Sure, the holiday party sounded fine, and who
didn’t like food, but her voice had sounded way off
and unnatural.

Her behavior had been odd lately. Then again,

it  was  the  holidays,  and  she  always  acted  odd
around  the  holidays.  But  not  this  kind  of  odd.
Typically  she’d  withdraw  and  she  wasn’t  doing
that. This was different in a way he couldn’t put his
finger on.

Whatever. He sent her a text. Party sounds

fine.

He shook his head and tossed his phone back

on the desk.

“Everything okay at home?” Rob asked.

Rob and Nick had gone to high school

together and knew everything about each other’s
lives. Rob had stood by him—and by Ellie—when
John had died.

“Yeah. Ellie wants to go to some fundraiser

dinner toy thing tonight.”

“Oh, the one at the community center,” Rob

said. “Melissa wanted to drag me to that.”

“So you’re going?”

Rob looked over at the shop. “Nah. I have

work that’ll keep me going until at least six thirty
tonight. Plus I might have told Melissa that you
need me to close the shop tonight, that way I don’t
have to go.”

“Convenient.”

“Yeah, I thought so. Anyway, Melissa will be

there. She heard there’ll be wine. She’ll drop RJ at
her parents’ and have her dad watch him so her
mom can drive and she can drink.”

Nick laughed. “Got it all planned out, does

she?”

“You know it. So how’s the brake work

going?”

“It’s a pain in my ass. The brakes were toast. I

don’t know how the customer was stopping their
car. They should have put new brakes on a year

ago.”

Rob laughed. “Maybe they were swinging

their foot out the door and using their boot.”

Nick snorted and went back to work. He

finished  up  by  five.  After  he  washed  up,  Nick
checked  his  phone  again.  Ellie  had  left  him  a
message  earlier  saying  she  had  left  work  on  time
and she was picking Henry up.

He drove home and pulled his truck in behind

Ellie’s car. He got out and went inside.

It was quiet. Typically, Henry would run and

greet him at the door.

“Ellie?”

She didn’t answer, either. He figured she must

be  in  her  room  getting  ready,  so  he  went  into  his,
stripped  out  of  his  clothes  and  tossed  them  in  the
hamper,  then  got  into  the  shower  to  scrub  off  the
grease  and  grime  from  today’s  work.  After  he
showered,  he  put  on  clean  jeans,  then  paused.  He
opened the door to his room and walked across the
house and down the hall to Ellie’s. He knocked on
her door.

She opened it a crack, her eyes widening.

“What’s up?”

“Should I be dressed up? And where’s

Henry?”

She took in his bare chest, and he noticed her

gaze lingered there before drifting back to his face.
“Henry’s over at Oscar’s for dinner. As far as
clothes, a shirt would be appropriate.”

“Funny. Like a button-down?”

She chewed her bottom lip. “Tonight is casual.

You can wear what you want.”

“Okay.” He started to walk away.

“Nick?”

He paused. “Yeah?”

“Wear that navy blue button-down.”

Curious, he asked, “Why?”

She shrugged. “Because it looks good on you.”

Huh. “Sure.”

He wandered off, wondering if that lingering

gaze  she’d  given  him  had  been  his  imagination,  or
had  she  really  stared  at  his  bare  chest?  Like,  an
extra-long  stare  that  maybe  indicated  she  was
ogling his chest.

Or maybe his interest in her was making him

see things that weren’t there.

He grabbed the navy button-down and

finished getting dressed, then went into the kitchen
and filled a glass with ice water, guzzling it down in
a few swallows. He looked down the hall,

wondering what Ellie was going to wear tonight.

She’d barely opened the door a crack when

he’d  knocked  on  it,  making  him  wonder  what  had
been  going  on  inside  her  bedroom.  Had  she  been
half-dressed  like  he’d  been  half-dressed?  His  mind
filled with visuals of Ellie in her underwear.

Or even less.

Take it down a notch, Nick.

“I’m ready.”

He looked up. His gut clenched at the sight of

her in tight dark jeans, high heels, and a black long-
sleeved  shirt  that  hugged  her  body.  She  wore  that
same delicate silver chain she always wore, the one
that  disappeared  under  the  shirt,  making  him
wonder how far down the chain went. He’d like to
go  exploring  that  chain,  along  with  other  parts  of
her body.

“You look really nice,” he said, trying to keep

his comment friendly. In the friend zone. Where it
belonged.

“Thanks. Although I’m just wearing jeans.”

Didn’t matter. Nick thought she always looked

great. But he knew what she meant and didn’t want
to make things weird, so he gave her a teasing look.
“Your dressy jeans. With heels. Fancy.”

She laughed. “I am not. Okay, maybe a little. I

live in scrubs and tennis shoes. And when we go
out to eat, it’s usually with Henry. So maybe I
wanted to dress it up just a touch tonight.”

“It works for you.” He wanted to tell her she

looked sexy, but after his totally inappropriate
comment the other night, he kept that thought to
himself.

They put their coats on and got into his truck.

“So what’s this thing we’re going to tonight?”

he asked as he backed down the driveway.

“It’s a toy collection and fundraiser for the

children’s  center.  Our  tickets  were  paid  for  by  the
hospital.  Otherwise,  it’s  twenty  dollars  a  plate  and
all  the  proceeds  go  to  the  center.  And  everyone
donates a toy.”

“Sounds great. Hope the food is good.”

“It will be. It’s being catered by Zia’s.”

“Then I can’t wait.”

They parked in the lot at the community

center  and  walked  through  the  doors  to  the  gym.
This was Nick’s neighborhood. He’d grown up here
and John and he used to play basketball in the yard
after  school  and  on  the  weekends.  Every  kid,
regardless  of  circumstance,  had  always  been
welcome.  He  understood  how  important  it  was  for
kids  to  have  a  place  to  go  to,  especially  kids  who

didn’t have anywhere else. Even if Ellie hadn’t
gotten the tickets for free, he’d have gladly ponied
up forty bucks for them to attend.

The place was filled with people and they had

holiday decorations on all the tables and a
Christmas tree in the corner. Lights were strung up
along the ceiling and holiday music played softly in
the background.

More importantly, it smelled good in there. It

looked like there was a bar set up at the front of the
hall.

They dropped off the toys they’d brought at

the table near the entrance.

“What would you like to drink?” he asked.

She gave him a thoughtful look. “Um, how

about a rum and cola?”

“You got it.”

He went to the bar and ordered Ellie’s drink,

plus  a  whiskey  and  soda  for  himself.  When  he
turned  around,  he  had  to  look  for  a  bit  before  he
found  Ellie.  She  was  standing  over  by  a  group  of
people, Rob’s wife, Melissa, included in that group,
so he wandered that way.

“Here you go,” he said, handing her the drink.

“Thank you.”

“Hey, Melissa,” Nick said, giving her a kiss on

the cheek. “Rob said he was working late
deliberately to avoid coming tonight.”

Melissa laughed. “I’m going to tell him you

said that.”

“Go ahead.” He took a sip of his whiskey.

Ellie grasped his arm. “Nick, this is Amanda

and Paul Satterfield. They’re the organizers of the
event.”

Nick shook their hands. “Nice to meet both of

you. This is a great thing you’re doing.”

“We’re happy to do it,” Paul said.

“And it’s such an amazing turnout tonight,”

Amanda said. “We couldn’t be happier.”

“My brother and I grew up on the basketball

courts here,” Nick said. “I don’t know what we
would have done without the community center.”

Paul nodded. “Me, too. You look about the

same age as me. We probably played each other a
time or two.”

Nick grinned. “It’s likely. If we did, I probably

kicked your butt.”

Paul laughed. “I don’t think so. I was pretty

good.”

Nick and Paul spent some time talking about

their childhoods and their basketball prowess, until

Ellie came and dragged him away. He told Paul
he’d catch up with him later.

“I thought we’d take a look at the silent

auction. There’s a smoker I thought we might bid
on.”

“Great idea.”

They looked at the smoker, and it was a

decent  brand,  so  they  put  in  a  bid.  Then  Ellie
disappeared,  so  Nick  checked  out  the  other  items
up for bid. He saw a delicate silver bracelet that he
thought Ellie might like. He looked around for Ellie,
didn’t see her, so he quickly wrote his name down
on  the  bid  sheet,  making  a  mental  note  to  check
back later.

He finished his whiskey, so he laid it on a tray

near the wall, then went back to the bar and got a
beer.

“Didn’t expect to see you here.”

He turned to see Mike Laird, one of his friends

from the neighborhood. He grinned. “You, either.”

Mike shrugged. “Cathie made me come. Okay,

and there’s food from Zia’s.”

Nick laughed. “I’ve never known you to turn

down food of any kind.”

“Hey, it took years to cultivate this.” Mike

rubbed his oversized belly.

Just then, Cathie came over. “Hey, Nick.”

“Hi, Cathie. I see you managed to wrangle

Mike into coming tonight because of the food.”

Ellie showed up at his side. “Hey, you were

enticed by the food, too. Hi, you two.”

“Hi, Ellie. Did you see the pottery that Grace

Liston created that’s up at the silent auction?”

“I didn’t. Show me.” Ellie looked over at him

and smiled. “I’ll be right back.”

Nick nodded and watched her walk away with

Cathie.

He liked seeing her with her friends. He liked

whenever  they  went  out  with  another  couple,
something they both enjoyed doing. Maybe tonight
he could start talking to her about the two of them
becoming  a  couple.  The  way  she’d  looked  at  him
earlier  made  him  think  she  might  be  receptive  to
the idea.

“So where’s Henry tonight?” Mike asked.

Nick focused his attention away from Ellie

and onto Mike. “He’s at a friend’s house. What
about your kids?”

“With my parents. Oh, hey, that reminds me, I

wanted to talk to you about my Dodge.”

Nick figured being an auto mechanic was a lot

like being a doctor. You were often asked for free

diagnostic advice when in social situations. Nick
listened to Mike describe the knocking sound
coming from the engine of his truck. It sounded like
a water pump issue, but without looking at it, there
was no way he could know for sure.

“Bring it in and I’ll look at it.”

“Okay, thanks. I’ll run it by sometime within

the next few days.”

Ellie and Cathie came back, and Cathie

wanted to show Mike something on the auction
row, so they left.

“I’m getting hungry,” Nick said. “When’s the

food being served?”

Ellie looked at her watch. “It’s almost seven

thirty, so it should be pretty soon. Should we go to
our table?”

“Sounds good. Do you need another drink?”

She shook her head. “I’m fine with just one.

Tomorrow’s a workday.”

He nudged against her. “Lightweight.”

“Hey. Five a.m. comes early, you know.”

The hospital had a reserved table. Ellie knew

several of the people there and she spent some time
chatting and introducing Nick to a couple of
administrative types.

“Nick, this is Rachel Morgan. She’s in public

relations for the hospital.”

They shook hands. “Hi, Rachel.”

“I actually have some business things to

discuss with our director of nursing,” Ellie said.
“Rachel is new to the hospital staff. Nick, why
don’t you sit next to her?”

He’d done work events with Ellie before, so

he was used to talking up people she worked with.
And, knowing Ellie, she’d want to make sure any
new employee felt comfortable. “Sure. Have a seat,
Rachel.”

Rachel was pretty, petite, with short blond hair

and green eyes.

“So, new job, huh?” Nick asked.

Rachel nodded. “New job, new living

arrangements, new city, as a matter of fact.”

“Oh, yeah? Where’d you move from?”

“Los Angeles.”

He raised a brow. “Then this is a big change

for you, weather-wise and otherwise.”

“It is. But I wanted to get out of L.A. and into

a smaller city. When the offer came from the
hospital here, I knew it would be perfect for me.”

“So why the change?”

She leaned back in the chair, obviously more

comfortable now. “The congestion. The traffic. The
cost  of  living.  I  was  starting  to  feel  like  I  was
spending  all  of  my  time  in  the  car  commuting  to
and  from  work.  And  when  I  wasn’t  doing  that,  I
was  sitting  at  my  kitchen  table  paying  bills  that
were taking up my entire paycheck with no money
left over to have a life.”

He couldn’t imagine working just to pay bills.

“That’s no way to live.”

“No, it’s not. I knew I needed to get out of

there.”

“Well, if it eases some of your anxiety, I think

you’re going to love it here. Friendly people,
there’s a lot to do, and your commute won’t be
anything like it was.”

She smiled, and he had to admit when Rachel

smiled,  it  lit  up  her  face.  “I  agree  about  the
commute.  I’ve  already  rented  a  place  that’s  only
ten  minutes  from  the  hospital.  It’s  still  hard  to
believe  I  won’t  spend  three  hours  in  the  car  every
day.”

Whoa. “Three hours. Really?”

“That was on a good day.”

“Wow.”

“So enough about me. What do you do,

Nick?”

“I own an auto repair shop.”

“Oh, my dad was a mechanic. He made me

learn how to change my own oil and change a tire
before I could get a driver’s license.”

Nick laughed. “That sounds about right.”

“I was so irritated at the time, figuring I’d

never  have  to  do  that.  Until  the  first  time  the  old
junker  I’d  bought  when  I  was  fresh  out  of  college
got a flat tire. I realized I could change it myself. It
was  an  enlightening  experience  not  to  need
someone to rescue me.”

“Good for you.”

He glanced across the table and noticed Ellie

watching them.

When Rachel excused herself to go to the

restroom, Ellie shifted into Rachel’s seat.

“So…how’s it going?”

“How’s what going?”

“You know…your conversation with Rachel.”

“Oh. It’s going fine.”

Ellie laid her chin in her hand. “She’s so

pretty.  Plus  she’s  incredibly  smart.  And  her  being
new  in  town  means  she  doesn’t  know  a  lot  of
people.  Maybe  you  could,  I  don’t  know,  take  her

out and show her around or something?”

Nick frowned. He felt as if he’d entered some

weird alternate universe, the kind he liked watching
on late-night movies on TV. Only this felt a little too
real.

“What are you doing, Ellie?”

Ellie straightened. “I’m not doing anything.”

“Yeah, you are. You’re trying to fix me up

with Rachel, aren’t you?”

She grabbed his arm. “Nick, she’s awesome.

You should totally go for it.”

What. The. Hell?

The thought of Ellie pushing him toward

Rachel both shocked and irritated him.

Maybe all that flirting and her ogling his chest

and his thoughts about the two of them being a
couple had all been in his head. Because here was
Ellie, throwing him at another woman.

They couldn’t be further apart in terms of their

feelings for each other.

Shit.

But before he could say anything, Ellie caught

sight of Rachel coming out of the restroom and
quickly slid back into her chair, leaving him alone
to smile at Rachel.

“I’d love to get to know the city better,”

Rachel said. “And you know, find someone to show
me around.”

Shit. That had been an indirect but direct way

of asking him to ask her out. And Rachel was a
nice, extremely attractive woman he had absolutely
no interest in dating.

He really hated to do this since Rachel seemed

like a great woman who deserved an amazing guy.

Nick just wasn’t the right guy for her.

He’d noticed Ellie had set herself up to sit

clear across the table from him. She’d told Nick she
had some business stuff to discuss with her
department head. He figured that was bullshit, but
at least she’d be out of earshot, which would work
to his benefit.

Over dinner, he and Rachel discussed sports.

“Do you like football?” she asked.

“Oh, hell yeah,” he said, leaning back in his

chair like the absolute slacker he wasn’t. “I have a
man cave set up in the basement of my house. I
spend almost all of my free time down there.”

She blinked. “A man cave?”

“Sure. A guy’s gotta have his space, ya know?

A place where women aren’t allowed. Where I can
drink my beer and hang out with my boys, play my

video games, watch sports, all without being
bothered. I mean, I got my fantasy leagues to catch
up on, too. I stay pretty busy.”

“Uh-huh.”

He saw that bright light of interest in Rachel’s

pretty green eyes extinguish as he went on and on
about his oh-so-awesome and totally nonexistent
man cave. To put the cherry on top, he also told her
he kept his laptop down there and no one else was
allowed to touch it.

She probably thought he surfed porn sites in

the middle of the night, too.

He really hated doing this, but since she’d

been so close to asking him out herself, he wanted
to be the bad guy and give her an out. And, judging
from the grimace she’d sported all through the
meal, he’d succeeded.

After dinner, Rachel excused herself, saying

she had some people she had to talk to. He’d never
seen anyone make an escape so fast. Not that he
could blame her. He’d sounded like a narcissistic,
juvenile dickhead. He could barely stand himself.

Hopefully someday Rachel would find an

amazing guy.

Nick made his way to the bar for a beer. Ellie

found him there.

“Where’s Rachel?”

“No idea.”

“So you two didn’t hit it off?”

“I guess not.”

He saw the disappointment on her face. It

frustrated the hell out of him that she’d be unhappy
he didn’t hit it off with another woman.

“Oh. That’s too bad.”

“Yeah.” He wasn’t about to ask her why she’d

tried to fix him up with Rachel. At least not tonight.
He needed to check his own feelings about this
situation. And about Ellie and whether he was
pushing too hard for something that might be in his
own damn imagination.

“Should we check the status of the smoker?”

she asked.

“Sure.”

They walked over to the auction tables.

“Dammit,” Ellie said. “There are three bids

ahead of ours. And now the price is too high for us
to rebid.”

“Is not.” He took out the pen and wrote down

another bid.

Ellie grasped his bicep. “Nick. Don’t. We

don’t need a smoker that badly.”

He looked down at her and smiled. “It’s for a

good cause. We’ll see how it goes.”

“Okay.”

“Ellie, can I steal you for a minute?”

A woman he didn’t know grabbed her and

tugged her away, which gave Nick time to go look
at the bracelet.

Well, hell. His bid had been buried under

about fifteen others. But the price was still
reasonable.

He hesitated, wondering if he should even

bother, considering what had happened tonight. If
Ellie was so hell-bent on pushing him on some
other woman, maybe he should consider getting her
something a little less personal for Christmas.

He looked over at her, and it was like she

could feel his gaze on her. She turned and smiled at
him.

Ah, screw it. He knew how he felt. He wrote

his name down again for the bracelet.

He’d sort out his feelings later.

Ellie was so disappointed that Nick and

Rachel hadn’t connected. She was certain they had
so much in common. Plus, Rachel was beautiful
and smart and sweet. She didn’t understand it.

When she’d questioned Rachel, she’d only said
Nick was a nice guy but she didn’t feel a
connection.

How could someone not connect to Nick? He

was funny and intelligent and incredibly hot.

Though she had to admit when Rachel had

told her there hadn’t been a spark, she’d felt a wash
of relief. And then had immediately felt guilty
about it. The whole purpose of trying to fix Nick up
with Rachel was to give him that push to move on
with his life.

Rachel just hadn’t been the right fit for Nick.

She’d have to do better next time.

The auction ended, and winners were given

envelopes to pay. Unfortunately, they didn’t win the
smoker.  She  went  in  search  of  Nick  but  couldn’t
find  him.  She  stopped  to  talk  to  a  few  people,  and
Nick caught up with her while she was in the midst
of  a  conversation  with  a  couple  of  women  from
Henry’s preschool.

“Ready to go?” he asked.

“Yes. I went looking for you but I couldn’t

find you.”

“I was talking to some guys I knew.”

She could have sworn she had walked around

the entire gym searching for him, but she supposed

it was possible she’d missed him. “Oh, okay.”

“Let’s get our coats if you’re ready.”

“I am.”

They got in the car and drove off. On the way,

she got a text message from Oscar’s mom.

“It seems as if Henry and Oscar fell asleep

playing in Oscar’s room. Shelley said Henry can
spend the night and we can pick him up in the
morning.”

Nick pulled up to a stop sign, then craned his

neck to look at her. “Hey, that means we have a
free night. It’s still early. Want to hit a bar?”

She tilted her head to the side. “Um, I don’t

know.”

“You have to think about it? Come on, Ellie.

We hardly ever get a free night out.”

She had wanted him to be out with Rachel, not

her. But he was right. They rarely had a free night,
which again made her feel guilty for monopolizing
his entire life with her entire life. If nothing else,
Nick deserved to have some fun tonight, even if it
was with her.

She nodded. “Sure.”

He cast a heart-stopping smile at her. “Great. I

know just the place.”

Even his smile was devastating, and how could

Rachel not see that? It made everything female in
Ellie sit up and take notice. Her palms felt clammy
and her heart did a little flip-flop whenever he gave
her that smile.

He drove them to The Cue in Webster Groves,

which was a favorite local hangout to play pool.
They hadn’t been in a while, so she was excited at
the idea of taking some time to just kick back and
relax, to be adults and have some fun.

When they were walking inside, he looked

over at her. “I’m going to kick your butt.”

She slanted a grin at him. “You’d like to think

that.”

They had to wait for a table. But there were

TV screens and a great bar, so they grabbed a table
near the bar and a couple of drinks.

“When was the last time we played?” she

asked as she took a sip of her beer.

“I don’t know. Couple of months ago,

maybe?”

“You might be right. Why are we always so

busy?”

“’Cause we have jobs and a kid?”

She almost winced at the “we” part of that

sentence. Nick was so responsible, but Henry was

her responsibility, not Nick’s. He should be free to
go out and play pool, to date, to find a woman to
fall in love with. And someday, get married and
have a child of his own.

Just thinking about it made her stomach ache.

Which made her angry because she had no claim
on Nick.

He wasn’t hers. So why was she wishing he

was? Why did she want him to put his arm around
her, to hug her close, to plant a hot kiss on her lips
and let everyone in the bar know she belonged to
him?

Whoa. Calm that mental noise and wishful

thinking, Ellie, because that definitely isn’t going
to happen.

They were friends and she had to keep

reminding herself of that.

Their table opened up, so Nick racked the

balls and they got started. Ellie broke, and two balls
slid into the pocket. She shot Nick a smug look.

Nick held up his cue and smirked. “Don’t get

too excited, El. We’re just getting started.”

Three games in, Nick had won two games and

she was about to win the third. Two more balls to
sink and the win was hers. She was also achingly
aware of Nick as they circled each other around the
pool table, teasing and taunting.

Like now, as he came close and whispered in

her ear, “You’re going to miss.”

He might be challenging her to lose, but he

was  also  challenging  everything  female  within  her
to  resist  turning  around  and  climbing  him  like  a
monkey.  He  smelled  so  damn  good  and  her  libido,
which  had  been  firmly  shut  down  for  years,  had
suddenly  awakened  with  a  vengeance  and
demanded satisfaction.

Well, her sex drive was going to be sorely

disappointed  because  Nick  was  off-limits.  She
intended  to  find  Nick  an  awesome  woman  so  he
could  start  a  life  of  his  own  and  stop  feeling
responsible for Henry and her.

She sank the last ball and shot him a

triumphant grin. “My win.”

He gave her a half curved smile that did

nothing to silence her hormonal thoughts.

Touch him. Grab what’s in front of you and

have at it, sister. He’s so hot. Are you going to kiss
him or not?

Gah!

She went to the bar for an ice-cold sparkling

water to hopefully cool down the internal heat,
because the couple of beers she’d downed so far
hadn’t helped at all.

When she’d evened things up by winning the

fourth game, they decided to head home.

She was deep into her thoughts on the way

home,  most  of  them  centered  around  Nick.  How
hot he’d looked holding the pool cue. How great his
butt had looked when he’d bent over the pool table.
The  way  the  muscles  in  his  forearms  flexed  when
he  took  a  shot.  The  way  the  overhead  light  made
his hair look even darker midnight than usual.

Oh, damn, she really had it bad.

“Tired?” Nick asked as he pulled onto their

street.

“Maybe a little.” Not tired at all. Pent up and

turned on was more like it.

“I guess it’s time to go to bed, then.”

Yes. Bed. Together. Naked, sweaty, writhing

limbs and…

Oh, dear God she had to stop this line of

thinking. It was not going to happen.

Nick barely had the car in park before she

hopped out and ran inside. She tossed her purse on
the counter and went to the kitchen to get herself a
glass of water. She took several long swallows, set
the glass down, and followed up with a few deep
breaths.

She jumped when Nick came up behind her

and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his lips nearly

touching her cheek.

She tried not to tense, but all she’d thought

about for the past couple of hours was Nick’s
touch. “Nothing. I’m just tired.”

He drew gentle, massaging circles over her

shoulders. She knew he meant it to relax her, but all
it did was turn her on.

“Something’s going on.”

Something was going on, all right. She was

damp,  aroused,  and  seconds  away  from  turning
around  and  ripping  his  shirt  off—with  her  teeth.
Which  would  be  the  worst  idea  ever.  It  was  bad
enough he felt responsible for her and for Henry. If
they  added  sex  into  the  mix,  he’d  never  feel  free
enough to move on with his life.

She eased out of his grasp. “Really, I’m just

tired. And I’ve got a headache.”

Yeah, she had an ache all right, but nowhere

near the vicinity of her head.

He frowned. “Want me to rub your temples

for you?”

There were so many parts of her she wanted

him to rub she almost whimpered thinking about it.
“No, I think I’ll take a couple acetaminophen and

head to bed. Night, Nick.”

She grabbed her water and fled the room,

quickly heading to her bedroom. She shut the door
and blew out a sigh of relief.

Only there was no relief in sight for her. After

she washed her face, brushed her teeth, and
climbed into bed, all she felt was pent up and
anxious, her body so tuned into Nick she could still
smell him.

The sooner she found him someone the sooner

this ache for him would go away.

She hoped.

Chapter Six

Henry wriggled so much that Nick was sure

the car was vibrating.

“Are we there yet?”

Nick smiled. “Not yet, buddy. Pretty soon.”

Was there anything better as a kid than seeing

Santa?  Nick  could  still  remember  being  little  and
waiting  in  that  long  line  that  seemed  as  if  it  would
take  forever  to  get  to  the  front,  and  being  so
excited he could hardly stand it.

Nick loved doing this with Henry. And at four

and a half, he was old enough to really get into
Christmas now.

But while Henry was a bouncing ball of

enthusiasm,  Ellie  sat  silently  in  the  passenger  seat
scrolling  through  her  phone.  He  was  hoping  this
trek  to  the  mall  would  get  her  into  the  holiday
spirit.

She’d been acting weird lately. Quiet and

avoiding him and he didn’t know why. He’d tried to
figure out if he’d done something to make her mad.
He’d asked her several times but she’d only smiled
at him and told him she was fine, no he hadn’t done
anything to irritate her, and that she had a lot on her

mind.

He knew the holiday season was tough on her,

but  hiding  from  it  wasn’t  going  to  help.  Besides,
there  was  Henry,  and  the  more  she  got  into
Christmas,  the  happier  her  son  would  be.  So  he’d
do  whatever  it  took  to  make  sure  they  were  both
happy.

They parked and went into the mall. Ellie said

she  had  some  shopping  to  do,  and  he  knew  what
that  meant.  She  wanted  Nick  to  take  Henry  to  see
Santa.  It’s  what  he’d  done  every  year  since  Henry
was  a  baby.  First,  just  for  photos,  and  then  when
Henry got old enough, so he could sit on Santa’s lap
and give Santa his list.

Typically, Nick wouldn’t mind, but not this

year.

This was the year he wanted Ellie to get into

the holiday, to be more present. Not just for Henry
but for herself.

Ellie needed to find her joy in the holidays

again.

He took her by the hand.

“Let’s all go see Santa,” he said.

“Yeah,” Henry said, looking at Ellie. “You’re

coming, aren’t you, Momma”

Ellie looked at Nick, then down at Henry. Nick

had caught the surprise, the hesitation. He knew
she’d normally bow out and do something else.

But then she graced Henry with that beautiful

smile of hers. “Of course I am.”

Nick couldn’t hold back the sigh of relief.

Joy. Come on, Ellie. You can do this.

They made their way to the center court,

where  Santa’s  village  was  located.  The  line  wasn’t
too  bad,  fortunately.  Plus,  they  sold  tickets  so  you
could  have  a  designated  time.  Their  time  was  in
thirty minutes, so they decided to wander.

“How about you take Henry and go do

something while I shop for a bit?” Ellie asked.

“Why?” Nick asked.

“Because I need to browse some things.” She

motioned with her head toward Henry.

“Oh. Sure. Come on, buddy. Let’s go look at

window displays.”

Nick took his hand and they wandered the

mall.  Henry  liked  to  stop  and  look  at  everything,
and  fortunately  there  were  a  couple  of  toy  stores.
They  stopped  in  one  and  Henry  amused  himself
with  all  the  toys.  Okay,  so  maybe  Nick  amused
himself with all the toys, too.

“I want trains,” Henry said.

He didn’t have a train yet. Nick could see both

of them having serious fun with this. He’d have to
talk to Ellie about getting him a starter set for
Christmas.

“I guess you’ll have to tell Santa you want a

train for Christmas, then.”

“Okay!”

Nick tried to encourage Henry to explore

some of the other things in the store, but he didn’t
want to leave the train area and happily played
there, eating up all the time they had.

“We gotta go, Henry. Time to see Santa.”

Henry slipped his small hand in Nick’s as they

walked out of the store. “I’m gonna tell Santa I
want a train. Will he bring me one?”

“I dunno, buddy. Have you been a good boy

this year?”

Henry looked up at him with eyes that looked

just like John’s. “’Course I have. I’m always a good
boy.”

These were the times when Nick’s chest

ached, thinking how John would have been such a
great dad.

But he wasn’t here, and Nick would always be

around for Henry.

Always. And he’d make sure that Henry knew

what an amazing man his father had been.

Ellie wandered the aisles, stopping when she

saw the black sweater.

Nick looked amazing in black, but she’d

gotten him a sweater for Christmas last year. Still,
as she fingered the material, she lingered at the soft
fabric, imagining running her hands over Nick’s
chest.

Seriously, Ellie. Not gonna happen.

She really had to find Nick a woman—a

woman who was not her.

Deciding the sweater was so not a good idea

considering her wayward thoughts, she moved on,
eventually leaving the store. She took a break and
grabbed a seat, deciding to mull over thoughts of a
gift for Nick while people watching.

She caught sight of a couple around the same

age as her. The guy reminded her a lot of John.
Cute, with dark hair and glasses, he leaned over
and laughed at something his girlfriend or wife said.
In between them was a little girl a couple of years
older than Henry.

Her heart ached at the picture they made. So

happy.

She and John and Henry would have been

happy, too. If only…

She snapped herself out of that thought

process, the one she’d lived in for far too long.

No. Not anymore. She wouldn’t be happy

living in the past, refusing to move forward.

That wasn’t her anymore. That wasn’t her life

anymore.  Her  life  with  John  was  in  the  past.  She
had  to  start  dreaming  of  a  future.  A  future  of
happiness  and  laughter  and  life  and  love  and  one
with Henry in it.

Henry was her future.

But she took another glance at the couple and

their little girl, and she couldn’t help the wistful
smile on her face.

Nick and Henry met up with Ellie at Santa’s

village. She had a couple of bags in her hands.

“Want me to hold those?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, thanks. I’ve got it.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Oh, so you

bought me something.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” He slanted a grin at her.

Ellie rolled her eyes. “You’re like a child,

Nick. Except that you can wait for Christmas.”

He leaned into her and whispered in her ear, “I

know where you hide the gifts.”

She turned to face him, her eyes narrowed.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

He realized their lips were only inches apart. It

would be so easy to kiss her, but they were in the
middle of the mall and Henry was there. Plus there
was that whole situation with her fixing him up the
other night, and that caused him some hesitation
about making a move.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t ruin Christmas by

peeking. Just make sure you don’t go hunting down
your gift.”

She looked surprised. “You got me a gift?”

“Don’t I always?”

“But I haven’t told you what I wanted yet.”

“I know you haven’t.”

“What if I want dish towels?”

He gave her a horrified look. “Who asks for

dish towels for Christmas?”

She lifted her chin. “We need new ones. The

old ones are raggedy.”

“Then we’ll go buy some. But I can guarantee

you, Ellie, you’re not getting dish towels for
Christmas.”

“Fine.” She had stayed close to him, which he

liked. She smelled good, something like cotton
candy.

They only had to wait a few minutes before it

was their turn.

Henry climbed up on Santa’s lap. Whatever it

was he was telling Santa, he was very animated
about it. The two of them had quite the
conversation, and Santa laughed.

“What do you think he’s asking Santa for?”

Ellie asked.

“Probably a train set. He was all over the one

in the toy store.”

Ellie turned to Nick. “Trains? Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That could be fun.”

“I thought so, too.”

“We’ll definitely have to get him a set.”

He nodded. “I know exactly which one he

wants.”

Ellie gave him a look. “You sure it’s not the

set you want?”

Nick laughed. “Okay, maybe we both like

trains.”

“Obviously.”

“Fine. Trains it is.”

His lips curved as they waited for Henry.

Today had been a good day. They could all be

good together.

He saw that.

So why didn’t Ellie?

Chapter Seven

Ellie had found the perfect opportunity to

introduce Nick to another amazing woman. Her
department’s holiday party was tonight. Karen was
an obstetrical resident. She was beautiful and smart
and single and had a fun, bubbly personality. She’d
be ideal for Nick.

Nick wouldn’t suspect anything because he

always went to her holiday party with her. The year
after John died, she didn’t want to go at all. John
had always gone with her, and going without him
had seemed unthinkable.

It had been Nick who had told her she had to

get out, had to enjoy time with her work friends.

He’d been right, of course. She’d taken those

few  hours  and  enjoyed  herself  for  the  first  time  in
almost  a  year.  Her  colleagues  and  friends  had
treated  her  as  if  she  was  a  normal  person,  when
she’d  spent  the  past  year  feeling  anything  but
normal.  Every  year  since,  she’d  always  brought
Nick, and everyone loved him.

Which was no surprise. Nick was personable,

always found something in common with every
person he talked to, from doctors to unit clerks, and
gave everyone his full attention.

The department holiday dinners were always a

big deal, which meant Ellie would need to wear a
dress. And since she didn’t dress up all that often,
she had to go shopping. She couldn’t wear the same
outfit she’d worn last year.

Fran said there was a sale at their favorite

store, so after their shift, they went shopping.

“Why is it that you look good in every damn

dress you’ve tried on?” Fran asked as they both
stepped out of the dressing room.

“I do not. That navy one was hideous.” Ellie

checked herself out in the mirror and wrinkled her
nose  as  she  stared  at  herself  in  the  mirror.  She
didn’t  know  how  she  felt  about  this  red  dress.  She
felt…exposed,  maybe.  The  dress  was  a  little  more
scandalous  than  she  was  used  to  wearing.  It  was
tight  in  spots  and  revealing  in  other  spots.  She
turned  to  check  out  Fran.  “And  that  dress  you’re
wearing looks amazing on you.”

Fran put her hand on her hip. “First, the navy

one wasn’t hideous. It was super short and showed
a lot of thigh. And you should definitely get that red
dress. It’s smoking-hot on you. It shows off your
shoulders and your legs. Do you really think this
one is okay?”

Ellie nodded. The dress Fran wore was a wrap

dress in black, showed off her amazing cleavage,

and looked stunning on her. “It’s gorgeous. It
accentuates the curve in your waist and the length
is perfect. Just enough to show off the goods, not
too much that people will be raising eyebrows.”

Fran looked in the mirror and Ellie knew she

was being super-critical. Fran was curvy and
always complained about her hips and thighs,
when, in fact, she had a banging body.

Fran finally turned and nodded. “Okay, fine,

I’ll get this one. Now what do you think about that
red one you’ve got on?”

Ellie flipped around to look at herself in the

full-length  mirror  again.  The  dress  had  thin  straps
and  a  low  back  but  otherwise  covered  her  up  in
front.  It  hit  her  at  the  knees,  which  she  supposed
was  acceptable.  And  she  did  love  the  deep  red
color. “I don’t know, Fran. It’s a little sexy for the
department party, don’t you think?”

Fran came up beside her. “Nah. Throw a

sweater over it and it’ll be perfect. And then you
can wear it again on a date.”

Ellie snorted. “A date. Right. I have so many

of those.”

Fran grasped Ellie’s shoulders. “It’s about

damn time you have at least one of those, don’t you
think?”

“I’m busy.”

Fran smoothed her hands up and down Ellie’s

arms. “It’s been almost five years, El. You loved
him. Everyone knows that. But it’s time for you to
close that chapter and move on.”

She sighed. “I know. But—”

“No ‘but.’” Fran raised a hand to stop her.

“Get the red dress and knock some hot guy on his
ass with it.”

That was the problem, though, since the only

hot guy she wanted to knock on his ass was Nick.
And she already had plans to fix him up with
someone else.

So maybe after she found Nick the love of his

life, she’d start dating again and see what
happened.

Chapter Eight

Nick hated going to these events, but hey, it

was only once a year. It was also rare that he wore
a tie. For Ellie, he’d do anything.

They got a sitter for Henry. Henry loved

Cecilia,  who  was  fourteen  and  loved  hanging  out
with  little  kids.  She  lived  in  the  neighborhood  and
had  been  sitting  for  them  for  three  years  now.  It
wouldn’t  be  long  until  cars  and  boys  would  take
priority and they’d have to find another sitter. Until
then, Cecelia was pure gold.

By the time he came back from picking up

Cecilia, Ellie had come out of her room and already
had her coat on, so all he saw were some very
attractive legs and black heels. That was enough to
whet his appetite for what was underneath her coat.
He waited while she gave instructions to Cecilia,
then they left for the party.

At least since he went to these shindigs every

year, he knew most everyone. There was
occasional turnover, so some faces came and went
and he’d invariably meet new folks every year, but
nurses had a tendency to stay, as well as the
doctors.

Plus, the department always held the party at

an awesome venue, with pretty damn good food.

They arrived at the private club, which was

done  up  in  holiday  décor.  Streamers  of  green  and
red were strung around the wood beams, and signs
that  said  Happy  Holidays  were  hung  up  over  the
bar.  Santa  Claus—the  cardboard  version—smiled
cheerily at them from the corner of the room, while
a  live  version  of  Santa  was  ho-ho-ho-ing  his  way
through the crowd.

With a glass of whiskey in his hand.

Nick didn’t judge. Santa should be able to

have fun. If Nick had to wear that padded, hot
costume along with the beard for hours on end,
he’d need whiskey, too.

Nick shrugged out of his coat, then turned to

Ellie. “Let me take your coat and I’ll hang them
up.”

“Okay.”

Ellie took her coat off and Nick tried not to

swallow his tongue. Sweet Jesus. She had a red
dress on, and even though she wore a sparkly black
sweater over it, the damn thing was sexy as hell.
Silky and swung against her body like a tease.

“Nick?”

He blinked. “Yeah?”

“Were you going to hang up the coats?”

“Oh, right. Sure. I’ll be right back. How about

a drink?”

“That’d be great.” She offered up a sweet

smile, clearly having no idea what she was doing to
him.

He went to the coat check and took care of

their coats, then headed straight to the bar. He
ordered a glass of wine for Ellie, and then, like
Santa, a double shot of whiskey.

If he was going to follow Ellie around tonight

while she wore that dress, he was going to need
alcohol.

He took two hard swallows to get things

started.

“Hey, Nick.”

He turned and smiled at Dev Ramesh, the

head of the OB department. They shook hands.
“Hey, Dev, happy holidays.”

“Same to you.”

Nick hugged, Preeti, Dev’s wife, who Nick

knew from Ellie was pregnant again. Very pregnant,
by the looks of it. “Congratulations to both of you.”

Preeti smiled and rubbed her belly. “Thank

you. This one’s a girl, and after two very active
boys, I’m ready.”

Nick grinned. “Hey, she might end up being

just as active trying to keep up with her big
brothers.”

Preeti frowned at him. “Don’t say that, Nick.

I’m ready for some girl time and tea parties.”

Nick laughed. “Then I hope you have a

mellow baby girl who loves tea parties and
shopping instead of Nerf gun wars, dribbling
basketballs in the house, bugs, and dirt.”

Preeti laughed. “Spoken as someone who has

a little boy in his house. And thank you. Me, too.”

Ellie came over and hugged Preeti. “You look

gorgeous.”

“I look like I swallowed a basketball. I’m

ready to get this one out of me.”

Dev put his arm around Preeti. “You’re

beautiful, as always.”

Preeti put her head on Dev’s shoulder. “He

always knows the right thing to say. How is Henry
doing, Ellie?”

“He’s doing great, thanks. Happily spending

the evening with his favorite sitter tonight.”

They chatted with Dev and Preeti about little

boys for a while, then Dev excused them to go
greet everyone else.

“I’m hungry,” Nick said. “Let’s go check out

the food.”

“First on your agenda, as always,” Ellie

teased.

“Hey, I talked to people first.”

They made their way to the hors d’ouevres

bar.  Nick  piled  some  shrimp  and  crab  and  veggie
things on his plate. He didn’t know the fancy names
for  them,  but  as  he  popped  some  bacon-wrapped
shrimp  into  his  mouth,  he  did  know  they  tasted
good.

They found a table and took seats. Someone

came by and filled their glasses with water. Nick
made two more trips to the bar for snacks, while
Ellie chatted up a pretty redhead Ellie had called to
sit down next to her.

“Nick, this is Dr. Karen Wilson. She’s an

obstetrics resident at the hospital. Karen, this is
Nick Washington. He’s my brother-in-law and he
owns an auto repair shop.”

Nick wiped his hands on a napkin, then leaned

across Ellie to shake hands with the doc. “Dr.
Wilson.”

“Karen, please,” she said with a warm smile.

“Okay, Karen. Are you new to the

department? I know we haven’t met at previous
parties.”

“New to the hospital, actually. About six

months.”

Ellie eased out of her chair. “If you’ll excuse

me, I’ll be right back.”

“Sure, Ellie,” Karen said with a smile. Then

she slid into Ellie’s seat next to Nick. “How about
you? Are you a native to St. Louis?”

“I am. So you’re not from around here?”

She shook her head. “Born and raised in

Chicago. I moved here to do my residency in OB.”

“Well, no offense to the Windy City, but St.

Louis is better.”

Karen laughed. “It is a lovely city, but I can’t

agree it’s better than my home city.”

“Oh, come on. We have great sports, awesome

food, lots to do and see.”

Karen gave him a mirthful smirk. “And so

does Chicago.”

He liked that Karen was solidly in her

hometown’s corner. Which didn’t mean he
wouldn’t give her shit about it. “I’m not sure we
can continue to talk to each other.”

She laughed. “I could leave.”

He laid his hand over hers. “Just kidding. I’m

willing to let you stay at this table even if your city
doesn’t know that thin-style crust is better.”

“You’re so generous, Nick. I’m willing to

continue to sit at this table even if you don’t have a
basketball team.”

He liked her. “Oh, ouch. So tell me about

yourself, Karen. Why St. Louis for your
residency?”

She shook her head. “The hospital here has a

great program. Plus, I’m single and had no
attachments in Chicago, so it’s easy for me to make
the move.”

“So you moved here alone?”

She nodded. “Yeah, that part was tough.”

“I can’t imagine what a big decision it was to

make a big move like this by yourself. To be away
from your family and friends.”

“It was, but I knew it could be part of the deal

when I decided to become a doctor.”

“Hey, you’ll meet great people here. New

friends. Go out on dates and have some fun.
There’s a lot to do here.”

She gave him a smile. ”I’m still trying to finish

up my residency, and that perfect guy hasn’t made
an appearance in my life yet. Plus, I generally try to
catch up on sleep on my off days. Not that I
wouldn’t be open to giving up some sleep if the
right guy asked me out.”

She gave him a direct look.

Nick thought Karen was pretty, with warm

brown eyes and an engaging smile. And it was clear
as hell that she was flirting with him. Normally he
wouldn’t mind that if his head wasn’t all tied up
with Ellie right now.

And, speaking of Ellie, he wondered where

she’d disappeared to.

“Hey, excuse me for a minute, Karen.”

She smiled. “Sure.”

He got up and found Ellie talking to Fran. Just

then the music started up, and since there was a
dance floor, he took her by the hand.

“Hey, Fran.”

“Howdy, Nick. How’s it going?”

“Good. Hope you don’t mind, but I’m

grabbing Ellie.”

Fran gave him a grin. “Don’t mind at all.”

“Come on, Ellie, let’s dance.”

She looked surprised. “What?”

“Dance,” he said as he led her onto the floor.

“You know, that thing where there’s music and you
move your feet?”

“I know what dancing is. Where’s Karen?”

He looked over at the table. “Talking to some

guy.”

She frowned as he pulled her against his chest.

“Oh.”

She felt good against him, as if she belonged

there.

Because she did belong there. Now he just had

to convince her. Unfortunately, she was stiff as a
board as he moved her around the floor.

He frowned. “What is it?”

“Oh. Nothing. This is fine.”

Fine. There was a word filled with a whole

lotta nothing. How could she not feel what he was
feeling? That connection, the chemistry that always
seemed to wrap around them when they were
together.

In fact, he knew she did feel it, because she

licked her lips and her eyes dilated when she met
his gaze.

So her tension was her way of fighting the

attraction she felt for him. The question was, why?

He tugged her closer, sliding his hand up her

back, forcing her to look up at him.

“Seriously, Ellie. What’s up?”

“I just…have things on my mind.”

“What kinds of things?”

“Work things. Can you excuse me a minute,

Nick?”

She disengaged and walked away, leaving him

standing in the middle of the dance floor looking
like an asshole. A confused asshole.

Ellie always talked to him about work things.

About everything. So what was it that she couldn’t
tell him?

“You dancing alone or can I slide in here?”

He pulled his gaze away from a retreating Ellie

and onto Karen.

Shake it off. Whatever was going on with Ellie

could be dealt with later.

He smiled at Karen and held out his hands.

“Sure. Slide on in.”

Unlike Ellie, Karen leaned into him, and her

interest was obvious. If he wasn’t totally into Ellie,
he’d be into a woman like Karen. Smart, beautiful,
with a killer smile and a ton of confidence.

Unfortunately, his heart—and his head—were

into another woman. A woman who’d completely
disappeared once she’d walked away from him.

He searched for her and spotted her spying on

Karen and him from across the room. Though she
was trying to appear engaged in conversation with

her friend Fran, it was obvious she was way more
interested in what was going on between Karen and
him.

So she didn’t want to dance with him, but she

sure as hell was interested in him dancing with
Karen.

He looked down at Karen, who gave him an

eager smile. “You’re good at this dancing thing.”

“Hey, thanks.” Good to know it wasn’t his

dancing skills that had made Ellie walk away. He
smiled back at Karen, then looked over at Ellie,
who quickly glanced away.

She was trying to fix him up again, wasn’t she?

What the hell, Ellie?

“Come on, Karen, let’s go have a seat.” He

took her by the hand and they went back to their
table.

“Drink?” he asked.

“Sure.”

He went up to the bar and got drinks for both

of them and brought them back to the table.

“Thank you,” Karen said. “You know, I

debated about coming tonight.”

“Yeah?” he asked, then took a long swallow of

his beer. “Why’s that?”

“Oh, you know. Work functions. People bring

their significant others and here I am, new in town
and feeling like a third wheel to everyone.”

He turned his thousand-watt smile on Karen.

She was sincere and not at all hitting on him. Which
really sucked because if he wasn’t hung up on Ellie,
Karen would be a woman he’d happily date.
Unfortunately, he was going to have to piss her off
so she wouldn’t think any of this was her fault.

“I don’t think you’re going to have any

problem finding that perfect guy. You have the
looks, the smarts, plus you’re a doctor.”

Karen blushed. Damn, she was pretty.

“I don’t know about that. Some guys are

intimidated by me.”

“Really? I don’t see why. I mean, free medical

advice, right?”

Karen frowned. “Excuse me?”

“I have this toenail fungus that’s been driving

me crazy for months.” He started to take off his
shoe and sock. “You wanna take a look at it and tell
me what you think?”

He could already see the shock and revulsion

on Karen’s face. “Uh, no, I don’t. I think I see
some other people I need to visit with. It was, um,
nice to meet you.”

“Oh, okay, sure. But if you have some time

later…” He lifted his bare foot up and wriggled his
toes in her direction.

“Bye, Nick.” She bolted, and Nick was

impressed as hell with how fast she could move in
her high heels.

He felt really bad about that, but he wasn’t

going to be set up. And he wasn’t going to lead
Karen on and let her think he was her perfect guy.

He wasn’t the perfect guy for anyone.

Except for Ellie, who, for some reason kept

trying to throw him at other women while avoiding
how she really felt. So what the hell was going on?

It was about damn time for him to find out

why.

Chapter Nine

“And then he proceeded to stick his damn foot

in my face.”

Ellie was at a loss for words. What was wrong

with Nick? “I’m so very sorry, Karen. That’s not
like Nick at all. He’s typically not such a—”

“Nauseating narcissist?”

She was about to deny it, but given Karen’s

explanation of their conversation, it fit. “Uh, yes. I
apologize. Let me make it up to you. I know a lot of
really great guys.”

Karen held up her hand. “No. Thank you. If

Nick is your idea of a great guy, Ellie, I’ll pass.”
She turned and walked away.

Ellie slumped in the chair at Fran’s table and

cast a helpless look over at her friend. She’d never
been so mortified. Didn’t Nick realize she worked
with these people?

“That’s not the Nick I know,” Fran said.

“Then again, I’ve never seen his naked feet.”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “He did it on purpose.”

“Did what on purpose?”

“The foot thing.”

Fran gave Ellie a confused look. “There’s a

foot thing? What exactly do you two do in the
house after Henry goes to bed at night?”

“Come on, Fran. You know what I meant. He

deliberately did some disgusting thing with his foot
to get rid of Karen.”

“Uh-huh. And why do you think he did that,

El?”

“I have no idea.” She had to go find him.

The trouble was, she couldn’t find him

anywhere. The bastard was probably hiding from
her.

He should hide. Because as soon as she found

him, she was going to blister his ears with words.

So. Many. Words.

She finally spotted him hanging in the corner

of the room with several guys, including Fran’s
boyfriend, Mark.

Unintimidated by the throng of testosterone,

she marched to the corner.

“Hey, Ellie, how’s it going?” Mark asked.

She smiled at Mark. “Great, thanks.” Then she

turned her attention to Nick, and her smile
disappeared. “Nick, I need to talk to you.”

“Sure.” Nick pushed off the column he’d been

leaning against and followed her. She led them out
of the ballroom and into the hall before she turned
to face him.

“What the hell did you do?”

He frowned. “Huh?”

“With Karen.”

“Oh. Yeah, that. We need to talk about that.

Later.”

“No, we can talk about that now.”

“Are you sure? Because there are some things

I want to say about it, and I don’t think you want to
do it here.”

“Oh, I want to do it here.”

“No, Ellie, you really don’t.”

He seemed pissed. Why was he pissed? She

was the one who had the right to be upset with him.
“Seriously? Why are you taking that tone with
me?”

He took her by the arm and led her down the

hall and around the corner, away from people going
in and out the door to the ballroom.

“You want to know why? Because you keep

trying to fix me up with women. First Rachel, then
Karen? Come on, Ellie, I’m not stupid.”

Frustration ate at her. “You knew. That’s why

you acted like such a jerk.”

“Of course I did. I don’t need you to find

women for me.”

“Obviously you do, because you’re doing a

terrible job finding them on your own.”

“I’m not looking for a woman.”

“Maybe you should be.”

He glared at her and she knew there was more

he wanted to say. Instead, he just turned around
and walked away from her.

“Dammit, Nick,” she whispered to the empty

hallway.

They weren’t finished with this conversation.

Chapter Ten

Nick was silent the entire way home. He had

to  be,  because  he  was  still  pissed  off  about  Ellie
trying  to  fix  him  up.  The  problem  was,  he  wasn’t
sure  how  to  approach  this  conversation  without
telling  her  how  he  felt  about  her.  And  he  wasn’t
sure she was ready to hear that yet.

Between the time of year and it being so close

to the date when John died, plus the fact they’d
never talked about whether she was ready to start
seeing anyone yet, he had to be careful with her.

But he was still mad as hell. Which meant he

had to keep his thoughts to himself.

When they got home, Ellie paid Cecelia, then

Nick drove her home. By the time he got back, he
figured Ellie would already be in her room getting
ready for bed.

He was wrong. She was still in her dress—that

damn sexy red dress that was even sexier now that
she’d taken the sweater off. It showed off the skin
of her back and distracted the hell out of him.

He refused to be distracted when he was

pissed off. So he headed toward the kitchen, where
Ellie was sipping a glass of wine.

He took off his coat and hung it on the hook

by the door, then walked into the kitchen, right past
Ellie, and to the fridge, where he grabbed a beer.
He unscrewed the top and took a long swallow.
Then he stared at the kitchen counter.

“Are you going to turn around and talk to me

about this?” she asked.

He turned around to face her. “About what?

About the fact you’re trying to fix me up?”

“Yes. And the fact that you’ve acted like a

total douchebag to two very nice women.”

“That part I feel bad about.” It wasn’t in his

nature to lie to or dupe women. He felt shitty about
the way he’d handled Rachel and Karen.

“You should feel bad. They’re amazing

women, Nick.”

“I’m sure they are. But they’re not for me.”

“How do you know they’re not for you? You

never even gave them a chance.”

How could he begin to explain to her that he

wasn’t interested in any woman but her? He didn’t
think she was willing to listen. Not right now. “I
don’t need fix ups.”

Ellie took a long swallow of her wine. “Why

don’t you date, Nick?”

Well, shit. He shrugged. “I’m busy.”

“That’s a terrible excuse. Do you know in all

the time I’ve lived here I’ve never seen you go out
on a date? Not one time? And I’ve been here
almost five years. I’m starting to think it’s because
of me.”

He frowned. “What? No. It’s not because of

you.”

She gave him her don’t lie to me look, the one

she always gave to Henry whenever he was fibbing
to her.

“Okay, in the beginning it was because of you.

Mainly it was because of John. Come on, Ellie. I’d
lost my brother. Going out and having fun with
some woman was the last thing on my mind after
John died. And then there was you, with Henry. We
both had our hands full.”

“That’s true. But it’s been almost five years.”

“I could say the same thing about you. In the

entire time you’ve lived here, I haven’t seen you
date once.”

“I was mourning. I loved him so much, Nick.”

She was killing him. “I know you did.”

“I know he wouldn’t want me to mourn him

forever. And I have been moving on and putting the
loss behind me. But there’s been Henry and I guess
I used him as a convenient excuse to not ever think

about being with another man again.”

He put down his beer and walked over to her,

putting  his  hands  on  her  arms.  He  made  sure  she
could  see  the  directness  of  his  gaze  as  he  said  the
words,  to  know  how  much  he  meant  them.  “You
have a right to be happy.”

She gave him a direct look right back. “So do

you.”

“I am happy.”

She took another swallow of wine, then set the

glass on the counter. “I think you’re lonely.” She
came over to him and picked up his hand. “And I
think I’m holding you back.”

So that’s what it was. “Ellie. It’s not you.”

Though it was her. Hell, this was getting so

damned complicated.

“Then what is it, Nick? You know you can tell

me.”

He was either going to have to come out with

it and be honest with her or he was going to have to
hold it in forever. And it was now or never.

“Okay, it is you.”

She blinked. “Okay.”

“But not in the way you think,” he rushed to

add.

She frowned. “I don’t understand.”

He rubbed his thumb over hers. “In the

beginning, it was all about our grief. Yours and
mine. And then there was Henry, so then it was all
about him. Making sure the both of you were okay.
But the past—I dunno—year or two, it’s been
about more than that.”

He saw her eyes go dark, felt the subtle

change in the air between them, and he knew she
understood. “Oh. Oh.”

“Yeah. I started thinking about you as more

than my brother’s widow. More than Henry’s mom.
More than just my friend. You’re a smart, beautiful,
desirable  woman,  Ellie.  And  you’re  the  only
woman  I’ve  been  thinking  about  for  a  while  now.
Which  is  why  when  you  were  throwing  women  at
me I wasn’t interested. I’m just interested in you.”

Ellie couldn’t breathe. She’d had these

feelings for Nick, too, thoughts she knew she
shouldn’t be having, but couldn’t help herself.

And now here was Nick, admitting he’d been

having the same thoughts, the same feelings. She
owed it to him to be honest.

“I have to admit, Nick, I’m feeling the same

things.”

His gorgeous blue eyes darkened with a flash

of desire that nearly knocked her backward.

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Only it made me feel mixed-up and

guilty.”

“Why?”

“You know why. You’re John’s brother. It

doesn’t feel right somehow.”

“So you’d rather be with some other guy than

with me?”

She shook her head, confusion making her

temples pound. She didn’t know how to explain this
to him so it made sense. How could she, when it
didn’t even make sense to her? “No. I mean…I
don’t know. I don’t know what I want, Nick.”

She saw that heat of desire in his eyes go out.

“I get it, Ellie. You need time. And I don’t

want to push you into something you’re not ready
for. When you figure it out, you let me know.”

He released her hand. She reached for him,

but he’d already backed away.

“Nick.”

“I’m going to bed. Night, Ellie.”

She wanted to say something—anything—to

get him to stay. She wanted to tell him about all the
feelings she’d been bottling inside, so much so she
wanted to explode. She wanted to tell him how

Chapter Eleven

Game night at Rob and Melissa’s house was

one of Ellie’s favorite things to do. Nick and Rob
always got to hang out at work, but Ellie only got to
see Melissa one Saturday a month at game night.

They typically did a potluck since other

couples showed up. Tonight, Fran and Mark were
there, along with Melissa’s friend Heather from the
bank where she worked, and Heather’s husband,
Eric.

They ate dinner first, and it was delicious as

always.  Rob  had  a  huge  family,  so  when  they’d
bought the house, he’d built a massive dining room
table  with  plenty  of  room  to  seat  everyone.
Typically the women sat at one end of the table and
the  men  at  the  other,  which  suited  Ellie  just  fine
since she could get caught up with Melissa and chat
with Fran and Heather.

Henry was happily situated at the table in the

kitchen with Rob and Melissa’s son, RJ, who was
only a year older. The two of them got along great.
Eric and Heather had a two-year-old they didn’t
bring tonight.

“Selina’s been an absolute terror today,”

Heather said. “I didn’t want to inflict her on

anyone.”

“Aww,” Melissa said. “You do realize both

Ellie and I have been through the toddler stage.”

“She’s throwing things,” Heather said with a

sigh.  “So  her  punishment  was  no  fun  with  RJ  and
Henry.  I  dropped  her  off  at  my  parents’  house.
They  adore  her  and  they  don’t  care  about  her
tantrums.”

“I think by the time you become grandparents,

you forgive just about everything because you’re
happy to have little ones in the house again,” Ellie
said. “My in-laws are wonderful with Henry.”

“Mine are too with RJ,” Melissa said. “As are

my parents. I don’t remember them being quite as
lenient with me when I was young.”

Ellie nodded. “That’s because when you’re

parents, you’re young and not as patient.”

Fran took a sip of wine. “I can’t wait to have

obnoxious children who throw things.”

Ellie laughed. “I can’t wait for you to have

them, either. I’m dying to cuddle a baby.”

“Mark and I have talked about the whole

wedding and kids thing. But with his job at the fire
station and my job at the hospital, we’re both crazy
busy.”

“There’s never an ideal time for any of it,”

Melissa said. “If you love each other, you make it
happen.”

“True,” Ellie said. “But, you know, Fran, you

and Mark will do it when you’re ready. Or not do it,
whichever the case may be. You have to set your
own timeline.”

Fran laughed. “We are happily ever aftering.

We’re just doing it in our own way.”

Once they finished dinner, everyone helped

put  food  away  and  do  the  dishes,  which  meant  it
took  no  time  at  all.  The  kids  went  into  the  game
room  to  play,  and  the  adults  played  their  own
games.

It was always a blast. They played various

games, from board games to card games, which
always left Ellie breathless with laughter.

The one thing different tonight, though, was

Nick.  Oh,  he  was  a  fine  game  partner.  He’d  never
let  whatever  was  going  on  between  them  interfere
with  the  fun  of  game  night.  But  he  hadn’t  said
much  to  her  since  their  conversation  the  other
night.  They’d  left  things  hanging.  Or,  rather,  she’d
left things hanging.

They had always been so close, had told each

other everything. From the moment John had died,
Nick had been her rock, her support system, her
knight in shining armor. He’d become her best

friend and her confidant, and it had been that way
for years.

Until things had changed, until she realized she

had feelings for Nick that went beyond brother-in-
law, beyond friendship. And now that he’d revealed
his attraction to her, everything between them was
different. Where before, when she got home, she’d
tell  him  everything  about  her  day  and  he’d  do  the
same, they both had seemed to focus their attention
totally  on  Henry,  as  if  her  son  had  become  the
buffer  between  them.  Not  that  Henry  noticed  the
difference  since  he  always  received  a  lot  of  their
time and attention.

But Ellie noticed. Because even after Henry

went to bed at night, Nick was either on the laptop
or engrossed in something on TV. And where they’d
usually talk while watching television, now he was
mostly silent.

Waiting.

She couldn’t blame him for the silence,

because she’d become mute as well, as if she
couldn’t find the words to start that important
conversation they needed to have.

Now she couldn’t decide what the next step

should be.

She knew her indecision was driving a wedge

between them.

They had taken a break from their latest game.

The guys were in the game room playing something
with the kids, and Melissa and Heather were deep
in conversation in the living room about something
work related, so Ellie and Fran stepped into the
kitchen to refill their wineglasses.

“You’re up in your head about something

tonight,” Fran said as she topped off Ellie’s glass.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. It’s like you’re a freakin’

walking zombie, El. You’re here tonight, but in
body only. What’s going on?”

Ellie looked into the living room. Melissa and

Heather had their heads together and were quietly
chatting. The game room was downstairs, so they
were alone. “It’s Nick.”

“Oh.” Fran took a sip of wine. “Talk to me.”

She explained about the Karen debacle, then

told Fran about Nick’s admission the other night of
having  feelings  for  her,  and  her  response,  which
had  pretty  much  been  nothing  but  confusion.
“We’re  dancing  around  these  feelings  we  have  for
each other, or at least I am. Which means nothing is
happening, so there’s this wall between us.”

“Is he reluctant to act on his feelings?”

“No. I’m the one who put a stop to things the

other night.”

Fran sighed. “Why?”

“You know why. Because of John.”

“Who is dead. While Nick is very much

alive.”

Ellie winced. “Fran.”

“Come on, Ellie. It’s time to wake up, join the

living, and stop making everything about your dead
husband. I know you loved him. We all loved him.
But  it’s  like  you  stopped  living  when  John  died.
And  how  is  Henry  going  to  react  as  he  grows  up
watching  his  mother  living  this  life  standing  still,
never  moving  on,  never  being  happy?  Don’t  you
think he wants a happy mom, one who’s among the
living? “

It was a stab in the heart hearing these words

from  her  best  friend.  But  she  needed  to  hear  it.  “I
know.  Logically  I  know  you’re  right.  But,  you
know,  it’s  Nick.  He’s  John’s  brother.  And  I  don’t
know if the feelings I have for him are real or if it’s
just because we’ve lived together since John died.”

Fran grasped her hand and squeezed. “You

won’t know for sure if it’s real between you and
Nick unless you give yourself an opportunity to
find out.”

“You’re right. Everything right now is in my

head. I’m always in my own head.”

“Then get out of your head and start feeling

something. Let yourself feel, Ellie. Open up your
heart to the possibility that what you and Nick have
together might be real. And if it isn’t, at least you’ll
have given it a chance.”

She knew what Fran said made sense. But fear

held her back. It had been holding her back for the
past  five  years.  Fear  of  living.  Fear  of  moving
forward. Fear of leaving her past behind, of leaving
John  behind.  And  now  fear  of  feeling  something
that  might  be  real—or  might  not.  “But  what  if  it
isn’t?”

“Then you’ll know. And you can move on.

Either way, you’ll stop stagnating like you’ve been
doing for the past five years. Don’t you owe it to
yourself—and to Henry—to take that step
forward?”

She did. She couldn’t go on hiding from her

feelings and living in the past.

It was time to make some decisions.

Starting with Nick.

Chapter Twelve

Nick dropped Henry off at Fran’s house since

Ellie  had  to  work  late  that  day.  Henry  always
looked forward to this annual spend the night with
Fran. They’d started it when Henry was a baby, as
a  time  for  Nick  and  Ellie  to  do  some  holiday
shopping. Now that Henry was older, it was his big
boy  time  with  Auntie  Fran  and  Uncle  Mark  when
he got to spend the night.

“I’m gonna go to the movies with Fran and

Mark,” Henry said. “And then we’re gonna go
shopping. And if I’m a good boy, Fran said I might
get somethin’ special like a toy.”

“That’s what your momma told me,” Nick said

as he pulled into Fran’s driveway. “And you’re also
going to be on your best behavior, right?”

Henry shot him a childlike exasperated look.

“I’m always good, Uncle Nick.”

Nick grinned. He was generally right about

that.  Ellie  was  lucky  to  have  gotten  such  a  well-
behaved  kid.  Henry  almost  always  behaved  when
he  was  over  at  someone  else’s  house.  Plus,  he’d
spent  the  night  with  Fran  before.  She  was  great
with him.

He walked Henry up to the front door and

rang the bell. Fran answered and her smile widened
when she saw Henry.

“There’s my buddy. What’s up, Henry?”

“Becca brought a turtle to preschool today.

His name was Sigmund and I got to hold him and he
pooped in my hand.”

Fran’s lips curved as she looked at Nick, who

smiled back at her. She looked down at Henry.
“Can’t think of a better day, can you, Nick?”

“Nope.” He handed Henry’s bag to Fran.

“Call us if you need anything.”

“Hey, we’ve got this. The question is, Nick…

do you?”

“No clue what you mean, Fran.”

Fran leaned over and kissed Nick on the

cheek. “Oh, I think you’ll figure it out, honey.”

He really had no idea what the hell Fran was

talking about.

“It’s our annual pre-holiday sleepover . We

always have fun, don’t we, Henry?”

Henry nodded. “Yup.”

Nick hugged Henry. “Love you, buddy.”

Henry squeezed him tight. “Love you, too,

Uncle Nick.”

“I picked up an early shift tomorrow

morning,” Fran said.

“Hey, it’s not a problem. We’ll come get him

in the morning.”

Fran gave him a grin. “Thanks. And you have

a fun night tonight.”

Still no clue what was up with Fran. “Yeah,

sure. Thanks, Fran.”

Nick got in his truck and drove home, figuring

it would be a couple of hours before Ellie would be
there. He was surprised to see her car in the open
garage. He hoped nothing was wrong. He parked in
the driveway, got out, and walked into the house
through the garage.

“Ellie?”

“In the kitchen.”

She was unpacking something from a bag.

Whatever it was, it smelled good.

“What are you doing?”

She turned around. “I was going to cook, but

then I realized that could get messy and also take
time. And I wanted to dress up.”

He frowned. “What are you talking about? I

thought you had to work late.”

“I didn’t. I just thought we could have some

time alone tonight. You know, so we could talk.”

First Fran and now Ellie, and he was more

confused than ever. Then again, they hadn’t talked
much since that night after the party, so it didn’t
surprise him he had no idea what was going on in
her head. “Okay.”

“I picked up toasted raviolis and chicken

parmesan from Rigazzi’s.”

No wonder he smelled something good.

“Those are my favorites.”

“I know.” She gave him a shy smile. “I also

picked up a bottle of Cabernet.”

He leaned against the counter. “What’s this all

about, Ellie?”

“It’s about you.” He watched her swallow as

she fought to get the words out. “About you and
me.”

Now things were getting clearer. “Okay.”

He caught her nervous swallow. “We have to

start a conversation, figure out where we stand.
Can’t we at least have dinner?”

“We have dinner together every night.”

She sighed. “Come on, Nick. I’m trying. I

arranged for Fran to keep Henry overnight. I picked
up a nice dinner and I bought wine. I’m wearing a
freaking dress. Meet me halfway here.”

Ah. So that’s what Fran meant. He knew the

sleepover with Henry had been scheduled a little
earlier than normal this year. But he figured it had
more to do with Fran’s schedule, so he’d shrugged
it off.

Ellie had gone to some effort for this night.

And maybe he was still hurt about her trying to get
rid of him by throwing women at him.

It was time to get over it so they could talk.

Things between them needed to be settled, one way
or the other.

“Okay. Let me go take a shower. I’m still work

dirty.”

“All right.”

He took a quick shower, then put on his dark

jeans and a button-down shirt—the navy blue one
Ellie liked.

When he made his way down the hall, the

smell of pasta sauce filled his senses. He knew they
had a lot to talk about, but he was hungry. He’d
started work early this morning, and lunch today
had been a fast bologna sandwich. Not very filling.

Besides, they could have a better conversation

once their stomachs were full.

And maybe he was trying to delay that

conversation because if it didn’t go well…

He didn’t want to think too long about what

would happen if it didn’t go well.

Ellie had set the dining room table with the

good plates and wineglasses. She really was going
all out. The least he could do was give her a
chance.

“Hey, it looks good.”

She smiled up at him. “Thanks.”

“What can I do to help?”

She scanned the table. “Oh. We need

napkins.”

“I’m on it.”

He dug into the pantry for the napkins.

Typically  they  grabbed  paper  towels,  mainly
because  of  Henry.  But  since  Ellie  seemed  to  want
tonight  to  be  special,  he  went  for  the  nice  linen
napkins that they usually saved for when they had
company over.

He brought those over to the table and folded

each one, setting the silverware on top.

“Nice touch,” she said. “Let’s eat.”

He pulled her chair out for her and moved it

back toward the table as she slid into the chair.
“Thank you.”

They scooped the food onto their plates and

dug in. The food was so damn good he had to avoid

shoveling it into his mouth.

“What did you eat for lunch today?” she

asked.

He waited until after he swallowed before

answering. “Bologna sandwich.”

“No wonder you’re eating like you’re starving.

You know there was leftover fried chicken in the
fridge.”

He frowned. “There was? I didn’t see it.”

“Probably because you worry way more about

getting Henry ready and getting his lunch together.
I’m sorry you have to do that.”

What the hell? “Why are you apologizing?

You’re up at five in the morning, Ellie. It’s always
made more sense for me to get Henry up and to
daycare.”

She had laid her fork down and was staring at

him. “I know. But there are so many things I feel
guilty about. I feel like you’ve been putting your
life on hold for me.”

“Have I ever complained about it?”

“No. But you’re not the complaining type.”

He took a sip of the wine. “I complain plenty.

Ask Rob.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s work. You never

complain to me.”

“Maybe it’s because you don’t give me

anything to complain about.” This wasn’t at all
what he thought they were going to talk about.
“What’s on your mind, Ellie?”

She shrugged and scooted a ravioli around on

her plate. “I just feel like I’ve been holding you
back.”

“So, that’s what this dinner is for? To tell me

about the guilt you’ve been feeling? Because if it is,
I have to tell you, I thought we were gonna have an
entirely different conversation.”

“I know. I abruptly shifted the conversation.”

He laid his napkin on the table, his voracious

appetite suddenly gone. “Why?”

“Because I’m scared.”

He gave her a direct look. “What are you

scared about?”

“I’m scared about what I’m feeling. I feel so

conflicted. I have equal parts desire and guilt.”

Her admission felt like a gut punch, but if he

was going to be in this, he had to let her say what
she felt. “Because of John.”

She gave a quick nod. “I know it’s stupid

because he’s been gone for almost five years, but I
can’t help it.”

“Your feelings aren’t stupid. No one knows

more than I do how much you loved my brother.”

“Logically I know it’s time to let it go. My

mind and my body keep telling me it’s time.”

“But?”

“I don’t know. It feels like if I let him go, then

he’s gone forever.”

He took her hands in his. “That’s never going

to happen. You have Henry. You have me. You
know how I felt about my brother, Ellie. We’re
always going to keep his memory alive.”

Ellie knew that Nick was right, and of course,

here she was, on a night that was supposed to be
about Nick and her, talking about her dead
husband.

Tears pricked her eyes. “I’m getting this all

wrong.”

Nick pushed back from his chair and came

over to her, kneeling down next to her. “What are
you getting wrong?”

“I had planned this whole night for us. To be

alone, to find out if you and I…”

She couldn’t finish because Nick had

smoothed  his  hand  over  her  hair  and  she  lost  the
ability  to  breathe.  He’d  casually  touched  her  so
many  times  over  the  years,  holding  her  hand  in

times of comfort, putting his arm around her while
joking. But this—this was different. Because now
she felt differently about him.

“If you and I could what?”

She half turned in the chair and laid her hands

on his face. “If we could do this.”

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his,

knowing the moment wasn’t right, that they’d just
been talking about John. Nick would probably be
insulted. Or repulsed.

Instead, he stood and pulled her out of the

chair, wrapping his arms around her to kiss her
back with an intensity that made it seem as if time
had stopped.

And suddenly the conversation shifted, only

there wasn’t conversation. There were only lips and
tongues,  heavy  breathing  and  exploring  hands.
Nick’s  hand  roamed  over  her  back,  drawing  her
closer  against  him,  and  it  was  everything  she’d
wanted—needed—for so long.

It was only Nick in her head, in her thoughts.

It was only Nick that she needed as she molded her
body against his, as she whimpered for more of the
hot neediness of his mouth against hers.

A flame had started inside of her. She couldn’t

pinpoint when it had begun, but now it had ignited,
and only Nick could quench the fire that burned

within her.

So when he gentled the kiss and pulled his

mouth from hers, she let out a whimper of protest.

“About that conversation…” he said, swiping

his fingers across her collarbone.

The movement gave her goose bumps. She

could already envision his hands on her naked
body, touching her everywhere. She hadn’t been
touched that way in so long. She almost cried with
the need for it.

She shook her head. “No more talking.”

She took his hand and led him from the dining

room down the hall to her bedroom. Normally she
shut the door for privacy, but they were alone
tonight, so she left the door open.

“Unzip my dress?” she asked.

He came up behind her, swept her hair to the

side, and pressed a kiss to the back of her neck.

There went those goose bumps popping up

again.

She felt his fingers at the zipper.

“Are you sure about this, Ellie?” His

whispered breath was warm against her skin,
making her tingle all over.

“Yes. Absolutely sure.”

She craned her neck to look back at him. “Are

you sure?”

She felt the squeeze of his fingers on her

shoulders,  then  turned  her  around  and  kissed  her.
The  kiss  was  passionate,  demanding,  breath-
stealing.  When  he  pulled  back,  his  eyes  were  dark
with  passion.  “I’ve  never  wanted  anything  so
goddamn much in my entire life.”

She shuddered in a breath and turned back

around again. “Then unzip my dress.”

They weren’t listening to music. The TV

wasn’t on in the other room. All she could hear was
Nick  breathing  and  the  sound  of  her  zipper  as  he
slowly  drew  it  down.  It  gave  her  comfort  to  hear
Nick’s  breaths,  to  know  that  his  heavy  breathing
meant  he  felt  something,  that  this  wasn’t  easy  on
him,  because  it  sure  wasn’t  easy  for  her.  She  was
pent up, loaded with anxiety that was part disbelief
that  she  was  actually  doing  this,  the  other  part
excitement  and  hoping  they  could  get  to  the  good
stuff in a hurry.

She pulled her arms out of the sleeves of her

dress, then let it fall to the floor.

“Wanna hang that up?”

She let out a soft laugh. “Not high on my

priority list right now.”

“Good.”

She stepped out of the dress and kicked off

her heels.

Nick moved her to face him. “I appreciate you

dressing up for me tonight, Ellie, but I have to tell
you that you look amazing in your underwear.”

She blushed as his gaze traveled over her

body. “You realize it’s been a long time since
someone has seen me naked. Or almost naked.”

He smoothed his hand over her shoulder and

down her arm, linking his fingers with hers. “You
have a body meant to be worshipped.”

Her heart pounded a fast rhythm against her

chest.  This  obviously  wasn’t  her  first  time,  but  it
sure  felt  that  way.    She  still  remembered  all  the
components  and  what  to  do,  though.  In  fact,  the
anticipation  and  mental  visuals  of  how  good  this
was going to be were what drove her.

She reached for Nick’s shirt, concentrating on

undoing each button, pulling the fabric apart so she
could unveil his amazing abs. She lifted her gaze to
his face. “No, you have an incredible body, Nick.”

He gave that half smile, the one that was so

incredibly sexy it made her nipples tighten. “How
about we get naked and do some joint worshipping,
then?”

Her mind was awash in all the things she’d

been fantasizing about doing with Nick before

chastising herself for thinking her fantasies were
wrong.

But nothing was wrong tonight. Everything

felt right. She was finally going with her feelings
and taking what she wanted.

So when Nick unzipped his pants and shrugged

out of those and his boxer briefs, she held her
breath, then sighed in appreciation as he stood
before her completely naked.

Oh. Yes. This was definitely what she wanted.

And when he stepped forward to unhook her

bra, pulling the straps slowly down her arms, all she
could think was one word.

Hurry.

But then he paused, tracing his fingers down

the space between her breasts.

“I was looking forward to seeing what you

wore on that long silver chain that’s always tucked
into your clothes.”

She’d worn John’s wedding ring on that chain.

Tonight, she’d taken it off and put it in her jewelry
box.

A chapter closed. So she could open a new

chapter with Nick.

“I tucked it away in a special place for

safekeeping.”

“Okay.” He teased the swell of her breasts,

making her breath catch.

He tangled his hands in her hair and kissed

her, sweeping her senses into a maelstrom of desire
and passion. A blast of heat seared through her
nerve endings.

Suddenly she was swept up—literally—in

Nick’s arms. He looked down at her.

“Have I told you lately how beautiful you

are?”

His words made her feel cherished. “Have I

told you lately how much I appreciate you saying
that?”

His lips curved as he walked her to the bed.

He  held  her  with  one  hand,  using  the  other  to  jerk
the  comforter  down  to  the  end  of  the  bed  before
laying  her  down  on  the  mattress.  He  slid  next  to
her,  then  over  her,  kissing  her  until  her  body  felt
like  it  was  on  fire.  She  wrapped  a  leg  around  him,
arching  against  him,  her  mind  awash  with  the
unique  sensations  of  feeling  Nick’s  body  rubbing
against hers.

“Ellie.”

She felt like she was floating on a cloud of

sensual bliss. “Mmm-hmmm.”

He smoothed his hand down her arm. “Open

your eyes.”

She lifted her lids to find Nick staring down at

her. “What is it?” she asked.

His hand drifted over her breast, making her

gasp. “Just making sure you’re with me.”

She brushed his hair from his face and smiled

up at him. “I know who’s touching me. I know who
I’m in bed with right now. Kiss me, Nick.”

He bent and took her mouth in a kiss that was

pure passion, that made her forget anything but the
feel  of  his  hands  across  her  flesh,  his  breath
mingling  with  hers,  and  the  scrape  of  his  beard
stubble  across  her  neck  as  he  began  a  slow  trek
south with his tongue.

Nerve endings that hadn't been awakened in

years leaped to joyous life as he flicked his tongue
over her nipple, then drew it into his mouth and
sucked. She slid her fingers into the silken softness
of his hair, lost in the raw sensation of what he was
doing to her.

She was damp, aroused, and desperately

needy  in  ways  she  couldn't  articulate.  At  least  not
verbally.  Instead,  she  told  Nick  how  she  felt  with
gasps  and  moans  and  the  arching  of  her  back,
asking for more of that intense pleasure.

And oh, did he give it to her.

He made his way down to her sex, and when

his  tongue  glided  over  her  clit,  she  gasped.  Heat
engulfed  her,  a  thousand  points  of  pleasure
quivering within her. She’d almost forgotten what it
was  like  to  be  strung  up  with  taut  desire  until  she
couldn’t stand it.

And when she came, it was with a cry she

couldn’t hold back. The force of her orgasm blasted
through her. She craved this release, needed it like
she needed breath. She soaked it in, reveled in it,
and let herself fall.

It was glorious.

She was still heaving breaths when Nick kissed

his way up her body to lick and nip at her breasts.
She wasn’t sure she was going to be able to take all
this bliss.

Though she was going to give it her all,

because she didn’t want this to end.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispered, brushing his

lips over hers.

He disappeared out the door, and she sucked

in a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling.

“Wow.” She’d forgotten how amazing sex

could be.

Nick came back in the room holding a condom

wrapper in his hand. He climbed onto the bed and

rested his hand on her hip.

She flipped onto her side to face him.

“Everything okay?”

She sighed. “Everything is...really good.” She

touched his face, rubbing her fingers across the
stubble of beard on his jawline. “You have an
incredible jawline. Have I ever mentioned that?”

He slanted a sexy smile at her. “Not that I

remember. But do continue.”

She moved her fingers over his bottom lip,

shivering with desire as she remembered where his
mouth had been just a few minutes earlier. “Also,
you have an amazing, extremely talented mouth.”

He grinned. “Glad you think so. Wait till you

see what I can do with my amazing, extremely
talented dick.”

She laughed. “Oh, really. You’re that confident

in your…skills?”

He waved the condom wrapper back and

forth. “Absolutely.”

She rolled onto her back and stretched. “Show

me.”

“Spoken by a true Missouri woman.”

He got up on his knees, tore the wrapper open,

and slid the condom on. Given that he hadn’t lost

his rather impressive erection when he’d left the
room, she hoped there was an element of truth in
his bold statement.

She was more than ready for this, and when he

leaned down and covered her body with his, she
sighed in contentment, wrapping her legs around his
hips.

He looked down at her. “I sense you’re in a

hurry.”

“You have no idea.”

“Oh, I have an idea. I’ve been thinking about

doing this for a long time. But, you know, sex
should never be hurried.”

“Says the guy whose cock is currently rubbing

up against me.”

He grinned. “Yeah, but we have all night.”

He surged against her, teasing her and making

her  want  to  grab  hold  of  his  most  important  asset
and  take  control.  But  then  he  kissed  her—a  soft,
sweet kiss that made her lose all thought except for
the  utter  perfection  of  his  mouth.  She  tangled  her
fingers in his hair, lost in the softness of it. Maybe
she  wasn’t  in  such  a  hurry,  because  the  way  he
kissed her made her want to stay like this all night,
just  kissing  each  other,  entwined  together,  passion
fusing the two of them into one.

But then he slid inside of her, and she moaned

against his mouth.

Oh, yes, this was so much better.

Their tongues collided, the kiss deepening to

one of hard passion as their bodies connected in the
most intimate of ways.

Every time he moved within her, her body

wept with sensual joy. She felt Nick everywhere, in
the way his hands moved along her rib cage to cup
her breasts, in every kiss, in every murmured word.

She opened her eyes to see the hard passion in

his. He swept her hair away from her face, and she
felt the stun of an emotional connection with Nick
she hadn’t been prepared for. So instead, she
arched her back, letting passion take over, letting
her body overtake her mind and her emotions.

Fortunately, he went with her, deepening his

thrusts  until  she  trembled  through  an  incredible
orgasm  that  left  her  shaking,  but  in  the  best  way.
Nick  gripped  her  hip  and  drove  into  her,  then
shuddered as he came.

He buried his face in her neck, kissing her

there, eliciting chills that ran along her skin.

She was out of breath, and her body had gone

lax.

It had been so, so good.

Faint warning bells pinged in her head as

reality tried to make its way to the surface.

But she pushed them aside as Nick rolled off

of her and pulled her against him.

Reality could wait until morning. Tonight, she

had Nick, and she was going to enjoy every second
of this time she would share with him.

Tomorrow—and all that reality would bring—

could wait.

Chapter Thirteen

Nick woke before dawn, rolled over, and

nuzzled against Ellie, pressing his lips against her
neck.

“Mmm,” was all she said, then reached behind

her to slide her fingers into his hair. “Yes.”

He smiled at that, then rolled her over to kiss

her. She responded, warm and welcoming, her
fingers wrapped around his neck.

But then she pulled back.

“Fran has to work today. I have to go get

Henry.”

He lifted his head to look at the clock on his

nightstand. It was six a.m.

Ugh.

The reality of having kids.

“You sleep in a while longer,” he said. “I’ll go

get Henry.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

She lifted up and brushed her lips across his.

“Thank you.”

“For what? The outstanding night of sex?”

She offered up a satisfied smile. “Definitely

for that. But for getting Henry.”

“Hey, no problem.”

He got out of bed and grabbed his clothes, slid

into them, and zipped up his jeans. “I’ll see you
later.”

He left her room and went to his, used the

bathroom, and picked up his phone. He really
wanted to brew a cup of coffee first, but he’d better
go grab Henry.

Then coffee.

Fran was already up and in her scrubs when he

got there.

“He was awesome and we had a great time,”

Fran said.

Henry came to the door, his tiny backpack in

his hands. He handed it off to Nick. “We made our
own pizza last night, Uncle Nick.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. And I got to help with the dough and

put the sauce on it. And I got to sprinkle the
cheese. I really like cheese.”

Fran grinned at Nick. “It was an extremely

cheesy pizza.”

Nick could well imagine. “Hey, I know Henry.

He’s a cheesy kind of kid.”

Henry giggled.

“Thanks for having him over.”

“I hope you had a good night.” Fran looked at

him expectantly, but he wasn’t the kind of guy to
kiss and tell.

Instead, he kissed Fran on the cheek. “Talk to

you later, Fran.”

“Bye, Aunt Fran,” Henry said, giving her a big

hug. “Thanks for letting me hang out with you and
Mark.”

They went to the car and Henry talked

nonstop about pretty much every minute of his time
with Fran and Mark.

“Where’s Momma?” Henry asked as he threw

his backpack on the sofa.

“She’s still sleeping.” Then Nick thought about

what he’d said. “I guess.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Did Fran feed you breakfast?”

“Yup. Mark did. Cereal. I want pancakes

now.”

“Pancakes can wait until after I’ve had coffee,

buddy.”

“Okay. But not too long, ’kay?”

“I’ll do my best.”

Henry gave him a dubious look, then ran into

his room to play.

Nick headed straight for the kitchen to brew a

cup of coffee. He stayed right there for the first few
sips, then made his way into the living room and
put his feet up on the coffee table, scanning the
news on his phone. He checked the weather, too. It
was supposed to snow later today.

It might be a good day to get their Christmas

tree. They could decorate it while it snowed
outside. Henry would love that.

He heard the door to Ellie’s room open. She

came down the hall, stopping when she saw him.
She offered up a hesitant smile.

“Where’s Henry?”

“In his room playing.”

“Oh, okay. I want to say hi to him.”

She turned around and went back down the

hall. Nick heard talking, then Henry’s giggle. Then
Ellie’s laugh. Hearing the two of them together was
often a gut punch.

Henry loved his Momma. And he knew how

much Ellie loved Henry.

She came out of his room.

“Did he tell you he wanted pancakes?” Nick

asked.

Ellie nodded. “About five times. I told him I

needed coffee first.”

Nick laughed. “Same thing I told him.”

She walked past him and went into the

kitchen.  He  figured  she’d  join  him  on  the  sofa,  so
he resumed reading the news. It was a few minutes
later  when  he  realized  she  hadn’t  come  in  to  sit
next  to  him.  He  turned  around  to  see  her  leaning
against the kitchen counter, staring off into space.

“Ellie?”

She jerked her head up. “Yes?”

“You coming in here to drink your coffee?”

“Oh. Uh, sure.”

Something was off. Nick wasn’t sure what, but

when she sat in the chair instead of next to him on
the sofa, he knew something was definitely wrong.

“What is it?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re sitting as far away from me as you

can without being in another room. What’s going
on?”

“Nothing.” She set her coffee cup down and

pulled the blanket that was draped over the chair
onto her lap. “I was cold, and this chair has the
blanket.”

He pointed to the thick blanket behind him.

“There’s one right here.”

She looked at the blanket, then at him. “Oh.

Right. Forgot about that one.”

She didn’t forget about it. Ellie always made

sure there were plenty of blankets in the living
room in the winter because she was always cold.
“What’s wrong?”

She started to speak, but then the bedroom

door opened and Henry came running down the
hall, throwing himself onto Ellie’s lap.

Ellie squeezed Henry and kissed his cheek.

“My sweet boy.”

Henry pulled away, then leaped onto Nick’s

lap. “Is it time for breakfast yet?”

“Sure,” Nick said, wrestling with the wriggling

monster. “You ready for pancakes?”

Henry giggled. “Nope. Now I want cupcakes.”

“Nice try, kid. How about pancakes and fruit

and a big glass of milk?”

“Okay.”

“Sound good to you, Ellie?”

Ellie nodded. “Sure.”

Nick got up and started breakfast. Ellie joined

him, and Henry dragged some toys in the living
room to play with.

“It’s supposed to snow today,” he said as he

worked on making the pancakes while Ellie washed
and sliced the fruit.

“Is it?”

“Yeah. I thought we might go get the

Christmas tree today and decorate the house.
Henry would enjoy that while it’s snowing.”

“Sure. Sounds great.”

Typically Ellie came up with any excuse she

could  to  avoid  getting  the  tree  or  decorating  the
house.  She  was  either  deep  in  thought  about
something  else  or  maybe  she  was  finally  over  the
whole anti-Christmas thing.

“Ellie.”

She looked up at him. “What?”

“Christmas tree today. Then decorating.”

“I said that was fine, Nick.”

“Okay. Just double-checking.”

Something was definitely off about her, but he

couldn’t keep asking her about it while Henry was
in the vicinity. So he’d have to wait until later.

He just hoped it didn’t have anything to do

with  what  had  happened  between  them  last  night.
Because, to him, last night had been perfect. She’d
been  perfect.  He  wanted  to  build  on  that,  start  a
relationship with her, out in the open. Sure, they’d
have  to  take  things  slow,  introduce  the  change  in
their  relationship  to  Henry  in  a  way  he’d
understand.

Nick was in love with Ellie. He hoped she felt

the same way, but until they sat down and talked
about how they felt about each other, he wouldn’t
know where he stood.

Hopefully they could do that soon.

In the meantime, they were going to get this

Christmas thing moving along. The fact Ellie was
agreeable about the tree and decorations was a
good sign.

That, at least, was a step in the right direction.

So maybe things were changing for the better.

Chapter Fourteen

Ellie felt like she’d been moving through a

thick  blanket  of  fog  all  day  long.  She  was  grateful
to have Nick along to help with Henry. Once they’d
announced  they  were  going  shopping  to  pick  out
the  Christmas  tree,  Henry’s  enthusiasm  level  had
gone from his usual exuberance to bouncing off the
walls.  He  was  even  more  enthused  when  snow
started falling, earlier than forecast.

Thick white flakes fell as they’d wandered the

tree lot, Henry pulling her along like it was already
Christmas, yelling at the top of his lungs, “How
about this one, Momma?”

Ellie was not ready to deal with Henry’s level

of  enthusiasm  right  now.  Not  when  she  was  so  far
in  her  head,  deep  in  thought  about  Nick,  about
what  had  happened  between  them  last  night.  She
had  to  figure  out  a  way  to  tell  him  that,  while  last
night  had  been  amazing,  had  been  more  than  she
could ever dream of, it couldn‘t be repeated.

Fortunately, Nick had Henry well in hand and

she tried to nod at all the appropriate times so Nick
would think she was involved in the decision-
making.

Frankly, she didn’t care. One tree was just as

good  as  another  as  far  as  she  was  concerned.  It
were green, it smelled good, and it were pretty once
you  got  the  lights  and  the  ornaments  on  it.  And,
hopefully  as  soon  as  possible  after  Christmas,  it
would  come  down.  She  was  doing  her  best  to  get
into the holiday spirit, but she could only handle so
much.

They stopped in front of a noble fir that she

thought was way too big.

“It’s the perfect size,” Nick said.

“It’s great, Momma. Can we have this one?”

Henry tilted his head and stared up at the tree,
snowflakes already covering his navy blue beanie.

It was cold, she couldn’t feel her toes

anymore, and she was ready to be done.

“Yup. It’s perfect. This one will do.”

They bought the tree and Nick loaded it in the

truck. When they got home, Nick set the tree up in
front of the window in the living room.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Henry asked.

She smiled at him. “It sure is. And very large.”

Nick tightened the tree stand, then stood and

looked at her. “Too big? You said it was perfect.”

“I did, and it’s fine.”

“It’s super-big so Santa won’t miss it,” Henry

said.

Nick ruffled Henry’s hair. “No way he’s

missing this one, buddy. Let’s get the lights on it.”

Ellie went into the kitchen and got water to

put into the tree basin. Once she did that, she stood
back while Nick and Henry strung the lights around
the  tree.  It  tugged  at  her  heart  to  watch  them,  to
hear  her  son’s  giggle  when  Nick  teased  him  about
the  lights  drooping  on  the  ground,  then  told  Henry
about  him  doing  the  same  thing  to  the  lights  when
he was a kid.

John would have loved doing this with Henry.

Christmas was his favorite time of year.

Her heart squeezed as she realized that Henry

would never know his father, and that the only
father figure he actually knew was Nick. As far as
Henry was concerned, Nick was his father.

As she sat on the edge of the sofa and watched

the  way  Nick  interacted  with  Henry,  she  realized
how  much  Nick  loved  her  son.  He’d  given  up  so
much  of  himself  to  be  there  for  Henry.  Late-night
walks  up  and  down  the  hall  when  Henry  was  a
baby  so  that  Ellie  could  get  some  sleep.  The
worried looks on Nick’s face whenever Henry had
been  sick.  He’d  gone  to  all  the  pediatrician
appointments  with  her  when  Henry  was  a  baby  so
she  wouldn’t  have  to  do  it  alone.  Any  time  she’d

had to work overtime, Nick had always stepped in
to be there for Henry.

Not just Henry. Nick had also been there for

her. She’d never done it alone because Nick had
always been around.

And she knew it wasn’t only because of

Henry. She’d counted on Nick, first as her friend,
her shoulder to lean on, her rock during her time of
grief. Then, more recently, she realized something
else had developed between them.

They shared the same sense of humor about

the dumbest things, and, oh, God, she loved
laughing with him. She couldn’t imagine not having
him to share in the everyday, mundane things in
life.

It had all been gradual, but she should have

seen the signs. Maybe she’d tried to deny it, but she
couldn’t anymore. Not after last night. She had to
face the realization that she was in love with Nick.
Like, totally, completely, heart-poundingly in love
with Nick.

She shifted her glance to Nick and Henry, the

two of them talking about how to hang the
ornaments.

Nick was totally and completely ingrained in

her life. In Henry’s life.

She felt so selfish, as if she’d held Nick back

for the past five years. Who knew what kind of life
he could have had if he hadn’t had to take care of
her and of Henry?

Tears pricked her eyes.

“I’ll be right back,” she said. She made her

way down the hall and into her room. She shut the
door and went to sit on the bed, forcing the tears
away.

This was all wrong. She couldn’t let it happen.

It was so unfair of her to shackle Nick with a
woman and kid that he hadn’t chosen for himself.

There was a soft knock on the door.

“Ellie?”

Just the sound of Nick’s voice was like a balm

to her soul. Whenever she’d had sad feelings in the
past, she could always talk about them with Nick.
Except now, her feelings were about Nick. And she
couldn’t even talk to Nick about how she felt.

This was awful.

The knock came again.

“Ellie?”

With a sigh, she said, “Yes.”

“You okay?”

She swiped at the tears that she realized had

fallen down her cheeks. “I’m fine.”

Nick paused, but she knew he was still at the

door.

“You sure?”

“Yes. I’m good.”

“We’re ready to decorate the tree. You want

to join in?”

No, she didn’t want to join in. She wanted it to

not be Christmas. She wanted to not have fallen in
love with Nick.

She also realized she couldn’t change any of

the things she didn’t want.

She inhaled a deep breath, then let it out. “I’ll

be  right  there.”  Then  she  thought  for  a  minute.
Actually,  she  might  be  able  to  change  one  thing.
She  washed  her  face,  got  it  together,  then  opened
the  door  and  headed  down  the  hall,  putting  on  her
fake  happy  face,  because  it  was  time  to  decorate
the  hell  out  of  that  tree—and  her  house—for
Christmas.

For Henry.

Chapter Fifteen

Nick put the last of the gifts he’d wrapped

under the tree while Henry was busy in the kitchen
helping Ellie get dinner ready.

He couldn’t believe it was Christmas Eve

already.  Then  again,  he’d  been  nonstop  busy  both
at  work  and  at  home  for  the  past  week.  Ellie  had
been  pulling  some  double  shifts  because  not  only
did  babies  not  keep  a  schedule  for  when  they
decided  to  show  up,  but  several  of  her  coworkers
had been on vacation.

Fortunately, Ellie was off work the next

couple of days, so she could finally kick back and
relax. So could he, because they’d closed the auto
shop as well.

Now the only thing left to do was celebrate

Christmas with Henry. Nick’s parents would be
coming in tomorrow. He couldn’t wait to see them.

Ellie had spent the better part of the day

cleaning the house from top to bottom, though Nick
had thought it looked fine. But she always did that
when his parents came to town. The spare bedroom
had been prepared for his mom and dad. There
were fresh sheets and blankets on the bed, and the
guest bathroom had been filled with clean towels.

Ellie had gone to the grocery store while Nick

smoked a ham for dinner tonight. He’d kept Henry
busy talking about his Christmas list, which had
grown every day.

“And a puppy and a parrot and a goat.”

Nick arched a brow. “A goat, too?”

“Yeah. They have beards. And they’ll eat

anything, even whole cars.”

He loved the kid’s imagination. “Is that right?

And where would we keep a goat?”

“He could stay in my room.”

Nick slanted a concerned look at Henry.

“What if he ate your toys?”

Henry pondered that thought. “Oh. Maybe not

a goat, then. But definitely a puppy.”

Once Henry got the train set, he wouldn’t

even notice that he didn’t get a puppy. Or at least
Nick hoped so.

Though getting a dog wasn’t a bad idea.

Maybe in the spring, for Henry’s fifth birthday.
Henry would be old enough to help take care of a
dog, and he’d been asking for one for a while now.
Nick would have to talk to Ellie about that.

He stared out at the fresh blanket of snow that

had fallen earlier today. He’d already talked to his
parents, who’d told him their flight was still on

schedule. They’d be here midmorning tomorrow,
which meant he and Ellie would be up early with
Henry so he could open his gifts before Nick would
have to drive to the airport to pick up his parents.

It was going to be a perfect Christmas.

“We’re ready in here, Nick,” Ellie said.

He moved away from the window and headed

into  the  kitchen.  They  were  eating  light  tonight
since  they  were  going  to  roast  a  turkey  with
everything  that  went  with  that  for  tomorrow.  Nick
sliced the ham, and Ellie had bread for sandwiches,
along  with  different  cheeses,  tomatoes,  spreads,
and some fresh fruit and vegetables.

They carried everything into the dining room.

“I’m so hungry,” Henry said as he climbed

into his chair.

“Me, too, buddy,” Nick said. “So don’t go

eating all the food, okay?”

“You don’t go eating all the food.”

Ellie laid the rolls on the table. “I might eat all

the food, so you two watch out.”

Henry giggled.

Nick had to admit he really was hungry. It

didn’t hurt that everything tasted great.

“The ham turned out perfectly,” Ellie said.

“Thanks. I think so, too.”

“I’m eating mine in a sammich like yours,

Uncle Nick,” Henry said.

Nick finished chewing and took a swallow of

water. “That’s because it’s better with all that
cheese and lettuce and tomatoes on it.”

Henry looked at his sandwich. “Mine just has

cheese.”

“Of course it does,” Ellie said, leaning over to

press a kiss to Henry’s cheek. “Because you’re the
king of cheese.”

“That’s right,” Henry said.

“You’ll learn how good the other stuff is,

buddy.”

“Momma isn’t having a sammich.”

“Well, Momma’s missing out on the good

stuff, too.”

Ellie laughed. “Momma’s saving all her

calories for tomorrow.”

“What are calories?” Henry asked.

Nick looked over at Ellie, punting that

explanation to her.

Ellie blew out a breath and launched into a

simplistic explanation of how food is broken down
in your body, and if you eat too much food it’s not

good  for  you.  As  always,  she  handled  it  perfectly.
Her  answer  seemed  to  satisfy  Henry,  because  he
immediately  asked  if  he  could  open  his  presents
tonight.

“No, we open presents on Christmas morning,

honey,” Ellie said.

“But there’s already presents under the tree,

and if I opened those, that would make room for
the ones Santa is gonna bring me tonight.”

Way to be logical, kid.

“But think how awesome it’ll be tomorrow

morning when you get to open all your presents,”
Ellie said.

Henry looked at her. “Think how awesome it

would be if I could open presents tonight and
tomorrow.”

Nick had to hide a smile as Ellie gave a

helpless look in his direction. Obviously she was
punting this one to him.

“Hey, Henry, remember when we talked about

family Christmas traditions?”

“You mean like hanging stockings on the

mantel and stuff?”

“Yes. Opening our presents on Christmas Day

is our family tradition.”

“Oh.” He shrugged. “Okay.”

And just like that, the conversation was over

and he was off on yet another topic.

God, he loved that kid.

They cleaned up after dinner and settled in

front  of  the  TV  with  some  eggnog  and  hot
chocolate  and  read  The  Night  Before  Christmas
together,  another  family  tradition  from  Nick  and
John’s  childhood.  They’d  started  it  with  Henry
when  he  was  an  infant.  They  followed  it  up  with
watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Henry fell asleep midway through the movie,

nestled between Ellie and him.

Ellie looked over at Nick. “I think he’s out.”

Nick picked him up and carried him into his

room, slid him into his bed, and Ellie pulled the
covers over him. She kissed him on the forehead
and they closed the door.

They’d wait a respectable amount of time

before putting Henry’s gifts under the tree.

“Want a glass of wine?” he asked Ellie.

“I’d love one, thanks.”

He went into the kitchen and pulled a Pinot

Grigio  from  the  wine  fridge,  poured  a  glass  for
Ellie,  then  grabbed  a  beer  for  himself.  He  handed
the  glass  to  her  and  they  settled  together  on  the
sofa,  this  time  without  a  four-year-old  between

them.

“Feel like another movie?” she asked.

“Sure.”

This time they chose a non-kid holiday movie.

They  went  with  Love  Actually,  which  was  one  of
Ellie’s  favorites,  though  she  typically  cried  at  the
beginning  when  Liam  Neeson’s  character’s  wife
died. No doubt it reminded her of losing John. Nick
was  always  there  to  comfort  her  through  it,  and
when she got past the funeral, she enjoyed the rest
of the movie.

This time, though, she stayed dry-eyed. A

good  sign.  Though  she  could  also  just  be  going
through  the  motions,  too.  She  wasn’t  falling  apart,
sure,  but  she  wasn’t  exactly  brimming  with
happiness, either.

Maybe he could fix that.

“I’ll be right back.”

He went into his room and retrieved the box

he’d already wrapped. He’d intended to save it for
tomorrow morning, but since it was just the two of
them, it felt like the right time.

He brought it out and laid it in her lap.

Ellie grabbed the remote and paused the

movie, then looked over at him.

“What is this?”

“It’s your Christmas present.”

“It’s not Christmas yet, Nick.”

“I know. I just thought I’d give it to you early.

While it’s just the two of us.”

She looked down at the box, then up at him.

“It’s not kitchen towels.”

He laughed. “No, it’s not.”

She pulled open the wrapping, then the box,

revealing the silver bracelet he’d bid on and won at
the auction.

She picked up the bracelet and lifted it up in

the light. “Oh, it’s so delicate and pretty.”

“I thought it would look nice on your wrist.”

She looked over at him. “It’s beautiful, Nick.”

“Let me put it on you.” He fastened the

bracelet on her wrist. He was right. It did look
perfect on her.

And the way she looked at him, her eyes warm

with gratitude and maybe something else, told him
he’d made the right choice.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

She leaned into him. “No, really, Nick. I

haven’t received a personal gift like this in a very
long time. Thank you.”

He brushed his thumb over her lower lip. “You

don’t have to thank me, Ellie. You have to know
how I feel about you.”

She stared at him, and he read the confusion in

her eyes. Confusion maybe mixed with hopeful
expectation? God, he hoped so, because he’d
wanted to say the words for a while now.

“I love you, Ellie.”

And then he saw the surprise, momentary joy,

and then the passion spark.

“Nick…I…”

He shook his head. “There’s nothing you need

to say, okay?”

She nodded, then smiled at him. She leaned

into  him  and  their  lips  met,  their  legs  tangling
together at the same time their tongues found each
other.  He  hadn’t  realized  how  much  he’d  missed
touching  and  kissing  her.  After  that  first  night
together, they’d both taken a step back. Or at least
Ellie had. He knew they’d both been busy, and with
Henry  around,  it  wasn’t  like  they  could  put  their
hands  on  each  other  any  time  they  wanted  to.  But
damn  if  he  hadn’t  wanted  to.  Every  minute  of
every day. All the time. It was all he thought about.

He swept his hand under her sweater, eager to

palm the skin of her stomach. He felt the quiver of
her flesh under his questing fingers. And when he

moved up higher, cupping her breast over her bra,
she moaned against his lips.

His dick pounded hard and he surged against

her, grabbing a handful of her butt to pull her
closer. She felt so good, so lush, and all he could
think about was sinking inside of her and getting so
close to her that neither of them would know where
one started and the other ended.

She tugged on his hair, pulling her lips from

his. “Bedroom.”

He stood, taking her with him in his arms as he

stalked  down  the  hall  toward  his  room.  He  pushed
the  door  open,  then  shut  it  with  his  foot.  He  laid
Ellie  on  his  bed.  She  was  already  pulling  her  shirt
over her head while he was toeing out of his shoes.
He’d left the blinds open, and her body was bathed
in  moonlight  as  she  hurriedly  undressed  in  the
middle of his bed. He couldn’t take his eyes off of
her. He couldn’t get his clothes off fast enough.

How often had he thought about this? Her, in

his room, on his bed, naked?

Too damned often.

He grabbed a condom from his bathroom, then

came back in and climbed onto the bed, pulling her
body against his.

She reached for him. The feel of her wrapping

her hand around his cock was like a torturous blast

of heat. And when she stroked him, he thought he
might die or go off right there in her hand. Nick had
always prided himself on his self-control. With
Ellie, he had none.

Her body was a soft canyon of curves and

valleys  meant  for  the  exploration  of  his  hands  and
mouth.  She  tasted  sweet  in  some  places,  salty  in
others,  and  the  way  she  writhed  against  him  when
he  licked  along  the  soft  curve  of  her  hip  was  the
best thing ever.

There wasn’t any place on her body that he

touched—or licked—that didn’t evoke a response
from Ellie. She was eager and inviting and he could
do this all night.

But Ellie pulled him up so his body aligned

with hers.

“I’ve been thinking about the feel of you

inside of me,” she whispered, then brushed her lips
against his.

That was all he needed to hear. He grabbed

the condom, put it on, and pulled her against him so
they  lay  side  by  side.  She  lifted  her  leg  and
wrapped  it  around  his  hip,  surging  against  him.  He
fit  himself  inside  of  her  and  thrust,  keeping  his
focus on her face as he moved within her.

There was a beauty in Ellie’s face, in the

honesty of her expressions, that defied words. It

was  in  the  clear  blue  of  her  eyes,  the  way  they
seemed  to  say  everything  without  her  saying
anything.  He’d  always  been  able  to  read  her
emotions through her eyes. When she was in pain,
when  she  was  worried,  when  she  was  sad,  and
when  the  little  crinkles  at  the  corner  of  her  eyes
that told him when she was happy.

The look she gave him now was a deep,

soulful look, as if she was trying to convey
something that she couldn’t directly say to him.

He couldn’t remember her ever giving him this

look  before.  He  was  usually  adept  at  deciphering
her  looks,  but  this  one  had  him  baffled.  Maybe  it
was  because  he  was  inside  of  her  and  all  he  could
think about was how damn good she felt.

She swept her hand over his forehead, down

his cheek, and across his jaw, sighing as he moved
against her.

“Nick.”

“Yeah.”

“I…”

He waited.

“Ellie, what is it?”

Instead of answering, she kissed him, moaned

against his lips, and lifted toward him with an
urgency that made him forget she’d been about to

say  something  and  hadn’t,  because  their  easy
movements became more frantic and her nails dug
into his arm. Then she tightened around him and all
he could feel was her, naked and alive and coming.
He  took  her  mouth  as  he  came,  their  groans
mingling  and  their  mouths  fusing  as  the  storm  of
their passion rose, then fell.

They stayed like that for a while, which suited

Nick  just  fine  because  he  liked  having  Ellie  close
enough  to  touch,  to  be  able  to  smooth  his  hand
down her arm and over her hip. He liked that every
time  she  took  a  breath  her  breasts  brushed  against
his chest.

Eventually he moved away, disposed of the

condom, and came back to bed.

“I should go to my room,” she said.

He tugged her close. “Stay for a while. I’ll

wake you before dawn.”

She laid her head on his shoulder. “Okay.”

She was asleep within a few minutes.

Chapter Sixteen

Ellie was in a panic. Not only because Nick

was  on  his  way  back  from  the  airport  with  his
parents—with  John’s  parents—but  also  because
last  night  had  been  so  perfect,  so  utterly  perfectly,
that she didn’t know what to do about it.

He’d told her he loved her. And then she’d

reacted by making love to him, when she’d told
herself it wouldn’t happen again.

And it had been perfect.

She was in love with Nick. She was in love

with John’s brother.

What would Steven and Laura think? They’d

be horrified to think that she’d gone from one of
their sons to another. It made her seem like some
kind of…of…

She didn’t even know what the terminology

was  for  what  she  was  doing.  Gold  digger  didn’t  fit
since  money  wasn’t  in  the  picture,  though  she  had
moved right into Nick’s house after John had died.
And  now,  five  years  later,  she  was  still  here.  Not
that  Nick  was  financially  supporting  her.  She  paid
half  the  bills,  paid  for  her  own  car,  paid  all  of
Henry’s expenses, but still…

She rested her head in her hands, feeling a

massive headache coming on.

She needed to move out. That would solve one

issue. Because there was no way she was going to
be able to keep her hands off Nick anymore if she
stayed. She loved him. She wanted to be with him,
and how was he going to have a life of his own if
she was constantly clinging to him?

He’d told her he loved her, but her conscience

couldn’t allow that. She was just conveniently
there. Once she was gone, he’d see that.

It was time to carve out some independence

for herself, anyway. Well past time, actually. She
looked over at Henry, who was happily entranced
with his new toys.

She opened up her laptop and did a search for

real estate. She’d want a place near Henry’s
preschool and by the hospital to make it convenient
for her. She typed in the parameters and it brought
up several houses for sale.

She scrolled through the listings, stopping at a

few  to  look  at  the  particulars.  One  wasn’t  bad.  It
was  a  three-bedroom,  two-bath  brick  home,  only
ten years old. It had a nice backyard for Henry, was
in a great school district and near the hospital. She
set  up  an  account  on  the  website  and  saved  the
house.

Henry laughed and she looked up to see him

playing  with  his  new  train  set.  She  glanced  around
the  house,  realizing  how  much  this  place  had
become  home  to  her  over  the  past  five  years.  She
loved the kitchen with its big double sink, loved the
island,  where  she  and  Henry  would  often  bake
cookies together.

She loved the living room with its big fireplace

that  kept  them  all  toasty  warm  in  the  winter.  And
Henry’s  room  was  so  spacious  and  perfect  with
room  for  him  to  grow.  The  backyard  had  a  jungle
gym set and a sandbox and Henry loved playing out
there.  And  as  she  looked  over  at  her  son,  she
realized this was the only home he had ever known.

But he was a child, and he’d be happy as long

as he was with her, right?

Then she realized she’d gotten through

Christmas  Eve  without  falling  apart.  For  the  first
time  in  five  years,  since  the  night  John  had  died,
she  hadn’t  sat  in  her  room  and  cried.  In  fact,  last
night, Christmas Eve, she’d been making love with
Nick  instead  of  thinking  about  the  husband  she’d
lost five years ago.

What was wrong with her? It was so important

that she keep John’s memory alive for Henry. And
she couldn’t do that if she was in love with
someone else.

She was doing the right thing.

The door opened, so she closed her laptop and

got up from the table.

“Grandpa!” Henry got up and threw his arms

around Steven.

“Henry, it’s so good to see you. Merry

Christmas.”

“Santa came, Grandpa. Hi, Grandma. I got

new trains. And books. And clothes and new Legos
and action figures and games.”

“Merry Christmas, Henry,” Laura said,

bending down to give him a hug.

“Merry Christmas, you two,” Ellie said,

coming over to hug both Steven and Laura. “I’m so
glad you’re here.”

“We’ve missed you, Ellie,” Steven said. “You

look good.”

“Thank you. So do you.”

Steven was a mix of both John and Nick, just

an older version. He wore glasses like John but had
darker hair like Nick, though his was mixed with
gray now. He was tall and bulky, but like Nick, he
still bore a lot of muscle from his days working as a
plumber.

Laura, on the other hand, was curvy and

vivacious and wore her dark brown hair short. She

was wearing skinny jeans and a red sweater, along
with a beautiful pair of brown leather boots.

“I love the boots, Laura.”

“Do you? Thank you. I got them last month

and I’ve worn them constantly. They’re so
comfortable.”

“Would you like something to drink?”

“Coffee for me,” Steven said, sitting on the

sofa as Henry brought him his collection of trains.

“Ditto,” Nick said, slanting a half smile in her

direction.

“Coming right up,” she said, trying not to feel

that ever-present flutter of butterflies whenever
Nick gave her that look.

She had to be strong. For Henry.

“I’ll come with you,” Laura said as Ellie made

her way into the kitchen.

Ellie put water into the coffeemaker to brew a

fresh pot, then poured herself a tall glass of water,
because for some reason her throat had gone dry.

“How’s everything going?” Laura asked.

“Oh, about the same as always. Work and

Henry.”

Laura took a seat at the table while Ellie

poured her a cup of coffee, then took two cups into

the living room for Nick and Steven.

“Thank you, honey,” Steven said.

“Yeah, thank you, honey,” Nick said, giving

her that teasing smile again that made her stomach
do flip-flops.

“You’re funny, Uncle Nick,” Henry said.

“You think so, buddy?” Nick asked.

“Yeah. You called Momma honey.”

“That’s because she’s sweet.”

“She’s not sweet. She’s Momma.”

Nick laughed, then gave Ellie that look again.

If he kept looking at her like that, she was going to
have to change out of her sweater and into a short-
sleeved shirt.

She took a seat at the kitchen table and turned

to Laura. “Tell me what’s going on with you and
Steven.”

“Same as always. Though we’re thinking

about a trip to Europe in the spring.”

“Really? That sounds exciting.”

“It is. I didn’t think I’d ever get Steven to

agree to it, but you know how long I’ve wanted to
see England and France and Italy. And I promised
Steven he could tour all those golf courses in
Scotland.”

Ellie smiled over the rim of her water glass.

“Obviously the deciding factor for him, huh?”

Laura laughed. “Obviously.”

Ellie knew how much Steven loved to golf, so

she wasn’t at all surprised about that.

“Dating anyone?” Laura asked.

Ellie nearly choked on her water. “Me? No. Of

course not.”

“Why ‘of course not’? It’s been five years,

Ellie.”

“I know.”

Laura reached her hand over and squeezed

Ellie’s.  “No  one  loved  that  boy  more  than  I  did.
Losing him devastated me. I know how much it did
you,  too.  But  I  also  knew  him  well,  and  he  was
more  generous  and  giving  than  anyone  I’ve  ever
known. And what he’d want for you is to be happy.
And  what  that  means,  honey,  is  for  you  to  have  a
life beyond him. A love beyond him.”

She never expected to have this conversation

with John’s mother. “I’ve been working on it. It’s…
hard.”

“I know it is. But you can’t hold on to him

forever. Let him go, Ellie.”

Tears pricked her eyes. Laura could say that

now, but she didn’t think she’d understand if she

told her she’d fallen in love with Nick. So instead,
she just nodded. “I’ll try.”

Nick came into the kitchen with a wide smile,

but as soon as he saw the tears in Ellie’s eyes, he
frowned. “Hey, what’s going on?”

She shook her head. “Nothing. It’s all good.

You know how misty-eyed I get when your parents
come to visit.”

He looked at her like he didn’t believe her.

But he shifted into a grin. “Yeah, I totally
understand. My parents often made me cry, too.”

“Hey,” his mother said.

He laughed, then leaned over and kissed his

mom on the cheek. “Love you, Mom.”

They put Steven and Laura’s things into the

guest  room.  Henry  was  hyped  up  about  having  his
grandparents  visit  and  spent  the  first  hour  talking
their ears off. When Ellie went back to working on
their Christmas dinner, Laura offered to help. Nick
helped,  too,  and  when  it  was  time  to  carve  the
turkey, Nick was the one to take care of that.

Ellie pushed aside all big thoughts and

concentrated instead on enjoying family. It felt so
good to have all of them sitting at the dining room
table enjoying Christmas dinner together.

“Dinner was so good, Ellie,” Steven said as he

pushed back from the table and rubbed his
stomach. “I might not eat again until tomorrow.”

“Or until pie is served,” Laura said with a

knowing smile.

“Or until pie is served,” Steven repeated with

a grin.

“What kind of pie are we having, Momma?”

Henry asked.

“Pumpkin and pecan and apple.”

Henry gave her a wide-eyed look. “And I can

have all of them?”

Nick laughed. “No, buddy. You get to choose

one.”

Henry frowned. “Not fair.”

Steven ruffled Henry’s hair. “And so reality

begins.”

Ellie laughed. “You don’t like pecan or

pumpkin pie, Henry. Remember how apple pie is
your favorite?”

Henry scrunched up his adorable face as he

considered that. “Oh, yeah. With ice cream, right?”

Ellie nodded. “With ice cream.”

They all cleared the table and put the leftovers

away. Nick and Steven worked on washing dishes
while Henry helped put the dried dishes away. At

least the unbreakable ones. As far as Ellie was
concerned, it was never too early for a boy to learn
that he could be useful in the kitchen.

Then it was time for pie and ice cream and

coffee.

“You outdid yourself this year, Ellie,” Laura

said as they cleared the dessert dishes.

“Thank you. I’ve enjoyed the past couple of

days. Not only did I have time off work, but it gave
me a chance to do some holiday cooking.”

“I’m sure you don’t have a lot of time for

cooking, being busy with your job and with Henry.”

She dried her hands on the dish towel, then

leaned against the sink. “I have more free time than
a lot of single mothers, thanks to Nick. He picks up
a lot of the slack.”

Laura smiled and glanced into the living room,

where Nick and Steven sat on the floor with Henry,
putting together one of Henry’s train sets. “He is
pretty great, isn’t he?”

Ellie suddenly wondered if Laura might be

thinking  the  exact  same  thing  that  Ellie  had  been
thinking  lately—that  she’d  been  taking  advantage
of  Nick  for  far  too  long  now.  “I’m  going  to  move
out,” she blurted.

Laura’s eyes widened in alarm. “What?

Why?”

“Because it’s time for Nick to move on with

his life, and he can’t do that with Henry and me
living here.”

Laura crossed her arms over her chest. “Has

Nick complained about you living here?”

“No. Never. But I just feel like…it’s been five

years. And like you said, it’s time for me to move
on. I need to do that for Henry.” Saying the words
out loud made her heart ache, and she couldn’t help
but look into the living room at Nick with Henry.

“I see. And have you mentioned this to Nick

yet?”

She dragged her gaze away from Nick and

planted it back on Laura. “No, not yet. I will after
the holidays. I’ve already been looking at houses.”

“You have?”

She forced a smile she didn’t feel. “Yes. This

will all work out great.”

Laura looked into the living room, then back

at Ellie. “I hope it does, honey. I really hope it
does.”

Henry was asleep. Nick’s parents had gone to

bed and Ellie was taking a bath. Nick had finished
the last of the dishes and was putting water in the

coffeemaker because he knew his dad was an early
riser, so he wanted to make sure all Dad had to do
was push the button in the morning.

He got out a cup and went to set the sugar

bowl near the coffeemaker, but his hand bumped
the side and a little sugar spilled onto Ellie’s laptop.

“Shit,” he whispered. He grabbed a paper

towel and swiped the sugar off her laptop, then
opened it up to make sure none of it had gotten
inside.

The screen booted up and he caught sight of a

house.  He  saw  that  it  was  a  real  estate  listing,  a
house near the hospital. He read the details. It was
a  perfect  location  for  someone  looking  to  find  a
place with a great school district, one that was near
Henry’s  current  preschool  as  well  as  located  near
the hospital where Ellie worked.

“Hey, did you make coffee?”

Ellie came out wearing her Christmas pajamas.

Red ones, with the Grinch on them. Her hair was
pulled into a high ponytail, her cheeks flushed. Her
feet were bare and her toenails were painted bright
red. And dammit, he wanted to pull her into his
arms and kiss her until the blush on her cheeks was
from something other than a warm bath.

But right now he had questions that needed

answers.

“I spilled some sugar on your laptop so I

opened it up to brush it off.”

She looked at the laptop, then back at him.

“Nick.”

“Why are you searching real estate listings,

Ellie?”

She chewed her bottom lip, a sure signal she

wanted to evade the question. “Just…looking at
redecorating ideas.”

“That’s such a load of bullshit.”

She sighed. “Okay, fine. I’m going to find a

place of my own and then Henry and I are going to
move out.”

She couldn’t have hurt him more if she’d have

shoved a knife in his heart. It took him a second to
catch his breath. “Why?”

She looked at the laptop, not at him.

“Because…because it’s time.”

“Time for what?”

“Time for me to be independent, to forge a life

for Henry and for myself.”

His stomach churned. “And you can’t do that

here?”

She finally looked at him. “No. I can’t.”

That pain he felt got deeper, as if he could feel

his heart bleeding. “What happened between you
and me has something to do with this decision,
right?”

She shook her head. “No. I don’t know.

Maybe. Yes. What you and I did was a wake-up
call for me. I need a new life, Nick. You need a new
life. You need to move on with yours and I need to
move on with mine. All you and I are doing is
holding on to the past—with each other.”

With every word she spoke, she gutted him.

“So what you’re saying is that while you and I were
making love, you were thinking about John?”

Her eyes widened in horror. “No. Oh, God,

Nick. No. Never.”

“Then what the hell are you saying?”

“I don’t know. Other than I don’t think we’re

good for each other. I need…I need a new life. A
fresh start. And you need to get out from under the
responsibility of taking care of Henry and me. We
have to get away from each other so we can see…”

He waited. She didn’t say anything.

“See what?”

“Nothing. I just need to move out. Please try

and understand.”

“I am trying to understand, Ellie. I thought

you and I had something.”

She paused for a few seconds, then looked

down at her feet. “You thought wrong.”

“That’s the biggest load of crap you’ve ever

shoveled my way, Ellie Washington.”

She looked surprised. “It is not.”

“The hell it isn’t. You know, one of the things

I’ve always admired about you—the reason I fell in
love  with  you—is  because  you’re  one  of  the
strongest  women  I’ve  ever  known.  I’ve  never
known  anyone  to  bounce  back  stronger  than  you
did when John died. God knows it was the hardest
thing  a  woman  could  have  to  endure.  There  you
were,  pregnant  and  grieving,  and  you  still  went  to
work and carried a baby and gave birth and cradled
and  nurtured  your  son  while  mourning  the  loss  of
the man you loved. The brother I loved. And I had
a front row seat for all of it.”

She looked down at her feet. “I had you to

help me through it.”

He shook his head. “You’d have done fine

without me to help you through it. Because you’re
a strong woman. Until now.”

Her head whipped up at his words.

“Now you have a chance to grab happiness

again—to have love again—and you’re running
from it, Ellie. And even worse, you’re lying not
only to me but to yourself.”

He moved toward her, wanting to make sure

she felt a fraction of what he felt. He stopped right
in front of her, so close their bodies nearly touched.
“What  you  and  I  have  isn’t  just  sex,  Ellie.  It  isn’t
fleeting.  It’s  five  years  of  heartache  and  real
feelings.  You  have  a  man  who  loves  you  and  who
loves your son and is waiting to give you a lifetime
of  love  and  happiness.  And  I’m  pissed  as  hell  that
you’re  willing  to  throw  it  all  away  because  you’re
too damn afraid to grab on to it for all it’s worth.

“And frankly, I’m damn disappointed in you. I

thought you were stronger than this. So you wanna
run? Then go. I won’t ask a woman to stay with me,
to be with me, who isn’t strong enough to fight for
me or for what we could have together.”

He backed away and moved to the other side

of the table to get out of the kitchen, keeping as far
away from Ellie as possible.

He’d always thought he could read her, could

tell what she was thinking by the look in her eyes.

Tonight her eyes had been shifty and filled

with lies. He didn’t know what the hell she’d been
thinking.

He’d been so wrong about her.

Chapter Seventeen

Normally Ellie enjoyed taking time off work.

But  the  couple  of  days  she’d  taken  off  for  the
holidays  had  been  brutal,  so  she  was  happy  to  be
back.  She’d  enjoyed  spending  time  with  Nick’s
parents, of course, but there had been such a strain
between  Nick  and  her  it  had  been  unbearable.
Nick’s  parents  were  staying  for  a  week,  and  he’d
taken  some  time  off  to  spend  with  them  and  with
Henry, which was great for them.

Ellie, on the other hand, couldn’t handle being

around Nick, and she was certain he was going to
tell his parents about their conversation.

She knew she’d hurt him. It had devastated

her to tell him the lies she’d told him.

Not that he’d believed her lies, anyway. The

one thing she could always count on with Nick was
his ability to read her, to know her like no one ever
had. He’d seen right through her. He knew how she
really felt.

Not that it made any difference.

It was best for both of them to start fresh, to

see where they could go without each other.

Without each other. Just the thought of it

caused a stab of pain in her heart.

“Ellie, you have a new patient checking in to

room two twenty-four,” Fran said as she came into
the break room. “Marion said to tell you she’ll be
up from check-in in about fifteen minutes.”

“Okay, thanks.” She blew out a breath.

Fran plopped on the sofa next to her. “Long

day?”

“Not really.”

“What’s wrong?”

She lifted her head and smiled. “Nothing.

Everything’s great.”

Fran rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and I’m a size

four. Spill it.”

“I told Nick I was moving out.”

“Why?”

“I guess because I feel it’s time I move on.”

“Move on from what? From the awesome life

you and Henry have built with Nick? Move on from
that gorgeous, stupidly perfect man who obviously
cares for you? Move on from the great house in the
ideal location, move on from the only father figure
your son has ever known, a guy who,
coincidentally, thinks your kid hung the moon? Stop
me when I find the flaws here, okay?”

She frowned. “It’s wrong that I’m in love with

him.”

Fran laughed. “Wrong in what universe?”

Ellie looked over at Fran. “He’s John’s

brother.”

“And who do you think is going to have a

problem with that?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Have you even told Nick how you feel?”

“No.”

Fran rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot. Go

ahead  and  throw  him  away.  Because  I  can
guarantee  you  there  will  be  women  swarming  that
man  like  starving  bees  within  minutes  of  you
tossing  him  to  the  curb.  And  you  know  why?
Because you’re stupid.”

Ellie threw a frustrated look at Fran. “Aren’t

you supposed to be my friend?”

“I am your friend. Which is why I’m being

brutally  honest  with  you.  You’re  making  a  huge
mistake.  Now  go  tell  Nick  you  love  him  and  that
you  had  a  moment  of  utter  stupidity,  and  then  beg
him to forgive you. Then ask him to marry you.”

She clasped her hands together, holding them

so hard she felt pricks of pain. “It’s not that
simple.”

“No shit. Love never is. It’s hard and it hurts

and often it’s awful. So go make it work with
Nick.”

Tears welled in her eyes. Everything Fran said

—as  brutal  as  it  all  was—made  sense.  What  had
she  been  thinking?  She  loved  Nick.  She  should  be
moving  heaven  and  earth  to  keep  Nick  in  her  life
instead of pushing him away.

“But…I don’t know, Fran. I’ve been working

so hard on letting him go.”

“Again…stupid.”

She finally sighed, admitting defeat. “I’m

scared.”

Fran put her arm around Ellie’s shoulders. “Of

course you are. You lost the love of your life once
to a situation beyond your control. So don’t let the
second love of your life get away due to a situation
you can control.”

She sniffled and shuddered in a breath. “His

parents are there. He’s not speaking to me right
now and they know something’s going on. Oh, God,
they’re going to hate me for hurting him.”

“They love you as much as he does. They’ll

forgive you.”

She turned and hugged Fran. “Thank you for

being my friend.”

“Aww, honey, you’re welcome. Someday I’ll

screw up royally with Mark and you’ll have the
same conversation with me.”

Ellie laughed. “I’ll always be here for you.”

She cleaned up her mess of a face, then

headed  down  the  hall  toward  her  new  patient.  She
ended  up  having  a  good  day  at  work,  and  after
she’d helped deliver a baby boy in record time, she
put  on  her  coat,  intending  to  drive  home.  Instead,
she found herself at the cemetery.

She pulled over at the curb and walked the

steps  over  to  John’s  grave,  happy  they  decided  on
installing  the  bench  in  front  of  his  gravesite.  That
had been Nick’s idea. He’d told her she might want
to  sit  and  talk  with  him.  She’d  done  that  a  lot  the
first  couple  of  years,  first  talking  to  him  about  the
growing  baby  in  her  belly,  and  then  telling  him
stories  about  how  much  Henry  had  grown,  when
he’d  gotten  his  first  tooth,  how  cute  he  looked
when he was learning to crawl, how smart he was,
and how much she knew he’d love him.

The visits had grown less frequent over the

years, but she’d always come at least a few times a
year.

She sat at the bench and wrapped the scarf

around her neck.

“It’s cold today,” she said, staring at the

cement headstone emblazoned with her husband’s
name. “But the sun’s out and there’s no wind, so
it’s not too bad.”

She knew she was stalling.

Get on with it, Ellie.

She clasped her hands together. “I have

something to talk to you about. I know we typically
talk about Henry, but this time it’s about Nick. I
know this might not be something you want to hear,
but I’ve always been honest with you.”

She took a deep breath. “I’ve fallen in love

with Nick. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did.
And now that it has, I realize he’s been there for me
ever  since  I  lost  you.  He  was  right  there  with  me
that  night  you  died,  and  he  took  care  of  me  the
entire time I was pregnant with Henry.” She smiled.
“He  was  in  the  delivery  room  when  Henry  was
born.  He  told  me  Henry  looked  like  you.  You  see,
he loves you and misses you as much as I do, John.
But  somewhere  along  the  way,  our  love  for  you
grew into love for each other. And I’ve been doing
some  thinking  on  that  and  I  think  that  maybe  you
played a part in it. That maybe you wanted this to
happen.

“Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my

part, but I know you’d want someone kind and
honorable and honest and trustworthy to be a father

to Henry. And I can’t think of anyone who fills
those qualities more than Nick. He loves Henry as
much as you would have. And Henry loves him so
much.”

She fought the tears, but they fell despite her

efforts. “I miss you and I’ll love you every day for
the rest of my life, John, but I have to let you go. I
know you wouldn’t want me to mourn you forever.
I know you’d want me to move on, so I’m going to
love Nick, and I’m going to let Nick be a father to
Henry. I mean, Henry will always know who his
real father is. Nick wouldn’t have it any other way.
But Henry needs a strong father figure in his life,
and I think you’ll be happy that it’s Nick. Just like I
hope you’ll be happy for Nick and me.”

She stood, then kneeled down in front of

John’s headstone. She took her gloves off, pressed
her fingers to her lips, and pressed her fingers to the
headstone. “Good-bye, John.”

She got up and walked away and, for the first

time, felt a lifting in her heart, as if her husband had
given her his blessing to move on.

Just then the sun hit her face and she felt a

blast of warmth. She couldn’t help but feel that it
was John, giving her his last kiss.

Chapter Eighteen

Nick had done his best to entertain his parents

and Henry during the few days he’d been off work,
but after what had gone down with Ellie, he
couldn’t hide his foul mood.

They’d gone to the Magic House today, and

Henry’s impatience to do what he wanted when he
wanted  had  gotten  on  Nick’s  last  nerve.  So  when
he’d  wanted  to  go  get  something  to  eat  and  Nick
had  snapped  at  him  that  he’d  have  to  wait,  Henry
tilted his head.

“You’re grumpy, Uncle Nick. You prolly need

a nap.”

Nick looked to his parents for help. His mother

tried to hide a smile, while his dad took Henry’s
hand to go get something to eat.

“That’s not helping, Dad,” Nick said as his dad

waved to him behind his head and walked off with
Henry.

“You are grumpy,” his mother said as they

walked down a hallway and leaned against a railing.

“I am not.” He blew out a breath, trying to

gather himself together. “Okay, maybe a little. I’m
just…tired.”

His mother looked at him. “Tired? Or is it

something else? Like something to do with Ellie?”

His mother had always been perceptive, which

was sometimes good, and often bad. “I don’t want
to talk about it.”

“Too bad. What’s going on with the two of

you?”

“Nothing, Mom. Nothing anymore, anyway.”

“Which means what, exactly?”

He shrugged. “I thought we had something.

And then she told me she was moving out.”

“Hmm. She told me that, too.”

He gaped at her. “She told you she was

moving out? When?”

“Christmas day.”

He shook his head. “Great.”

“You do realize she’s in love with you.”

He laughed. “Yeah. Sure she is. That’s why

she’s taking Henry and moving out.”

His mother grasped his arm. “Nick. Pull your

head out of your ass. She’s scared. She already lost
someone  she  loved  more  than  life  itself.  Falling  in
love  again  has  to  terrify  her.  And  you’re  John’s
brother.  The  familial  connection  has  to  be  doubly
terrifying.”

“That makes no sense. It’s not like John died

of cancer. It was an accident.”

“Love isn’t always logical. Neither is fear.

And she probably thinks that because she moved in
with you right after John died, everyone will think
she chose you because you were convenient.”

He cast an eye roll at his mom. “Oh, gee,

thanks.”

“Hey, I don’t think that. I know you’re

amazing. She knows you’re amazing. But she’s also
scared of her own feelings. So cut her some slack
and give her some time to come to the realization
that she can’t live without you.”

Nick just shook his head. “Ellie’s pretty good

about doing what she sets out to do. If she says
she’s moving out, then she’s moving out.”

His mom tapped him on the chin. “Hey, here’s

a news flash. You’re not always right.”

Nick thought about what his mom said as they

drove home. Henry passed out on the way home,
but he woke up when they pulled into the driveway
and decided he was hungry.

“Can we have spakettie for dinner?” Henry

asked.

“Spaghetti,” Nick corrected.

Henry frowned. “That’s what I said, Uncle

Nick.”

Nick wasn’t in the mood to argue. “I don’t

know. We’ll see.”

“Are you still grumpy, Uncle Nick?”

Nick shook his head. “Nope.”

“You sound grumpy.”

His mother smothered a laugh and he glared at

her.

They walked through the door and Ellie was

there. She’d already changed out of her scrubs and
into a pair of leggings and a long sweater. She
looked beautiful, which only made the situation
worse.

“Nick. Oh, hi.”

“We went to the Magic House, Momma,”

Henry said, throwing his arms around her.

Ellie’s eyes brightened as they always did

when she saw Henry. She hugged him, then got
down on her knees to look at him. “You did? How
fun.”

“Now I’m hungry. Can we have spakettie?”

Ellie switched her gaze to Nick. “Actually, I’d

like to talk to your uncle Nick.”

“Uh, why don’t Steve and I take Henry out for

dinner if that’s okay,” Laura said.

“Oh, boy, can we, Momma?” Henry asked.

Ellie cast a thankful look at Laura. “That

sounds great. Thank you, Laura.”

Laura gave Ellie a reassuring smile. “You’re

welcome.”

Nick handed the keys over to his dad, who

patted him on the shoulder, smiled at Ellie, then
took Henry out the door and closed it behind them.

Ellie looked down at her shoes. Nick waited

for her to say something. When she didn’t, he
shrugged, heading for his room.

“I went to the cemetery today.”

He stilled, then turned around. “That’s good.

We didn’t go Christmas Eve like we usually do.
Sorry about that.”

“You’re not responsible for me, Nick. I don’t

ever want you to think you have to be.”

“Okay. I’m not responsible for you. I think

you made that clear the other day.”

She sighed. “I went to the cemetery to tell

John about you and me. And to say good-bye.”

He knew what John had meant to her. He took

a few steps toward her. “That must have been
hard.”

“Not as hard as I thought it would be.” She

took several steps toward him. “I told John I loved
you. I love you, Nick. And I’m sorry I said I was
moving out.”

He saw tears in her eyes. And she was twisting

her fingers. She always did that when she was
nervous.

“I’m scared, Nick. I’m so scared of losing

someone I love. I let you slip away from me.”

He closed the distance between them and

pulled  Ellie  against  him.  “You  will  never  lose  me,
because  I’ll  never  let  you  go.”  He  kissed  her,
absorbing her tears with his lips. His hands roamed
over  her  body  as  if  he  was  memorizing  the  feel  of
her,  as  if  he  let  her  go  she  might  disappear.  When
he  pulled  back,  he  looked  at  her,  making  sure  she
was looking back. “I love you, Ellie.”

She sobbed, clutching on to him like a lifeline.

It wasn’t the first time he’d held her while she
cried. He’d done it countless times before. But this
time, she was crying happy tears, and damn did it
feel good.

“I love you. I love you,” she said, over and

over. “It feels so good to tell you I love you.” She
held his face and kissed him over and over. “It feels
good to be loved.”

“Ellie, you’ve always been loved. You’ve

never been alone.”

She laughed. “I told John that I had a feeling

he had something to do with you and me falling in
love.”

He’d always been close with John. Losing him

had  devastated  him.  He  didn’t  think  he’d  ever  be
happy again after John died. But he tended to agree
with  Ellie  on  this  one.  If  anyone  could  orchestrate
the  two  people  who  meant  the  most  to  him  falling
in love, it would have been his brother.

He tipped Ellie’s chin. “You might be right. He

wouldn’t have wanted either of us to be alone.”

“I also told John that you’re going to be an

excellent father to Henry.”

Now it was his eyes that welled with tears. “I

love Henry.”

She laid her head on his shoulder. “I know you

do. And he loves you.”

He laughed. “Though he told me today that I

was grumpy and needed a nap.”

She tilted her head back. “You were grumpy?”

“Yeah. I’ve been kind of out of sorts the past

few days.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“How about I make it up to you,” Ellie said.

“Will you marry me?”

His eyes widened, his heart slamming

against his chest. “Wait. What? Are you serious?”

“I am very serious. We’ve more or less been

dating the past five years, Nick. It’s not like we
need to get to know each other better.”

He smiled. “I guess you’re right. Ellie, are you

sure?”

“I love you, Nick. Do you love me?”

“Yes. God yes.”

“Then marry me.”

Nick pulled her into his arms. “Okay, but first,

I’m going to have to ask Henry’s permission.”

Ellie’s heart nearly exploded with joy. “I have

a feeling I already know what his answer is going to
be.”

He put his arm around her. “So do I. Let’s go

meet my parents and Henry for dinner, ask Henry’s
permission, then let my parents in on it, too.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

They grabbed their coats and got into the car

to drive over to the restaurant. As Ellie watched the
snow  come  down,  she  realized  this  was  the  first
Christmas  season  since  John  died  that  she  felt
happy.  Not  just  happy  but  deliriously  in  love  and

looking forward to a future—a new beginning with
the man she loved.

Five years ago, one Christmas had signaled

what she thought was the end of her life.

This Christmas, she had fallen in love and

started a new chapter.

And she knew from now on, every Christmas

would be filled with wonderful new memories.

About Jaci Burton

Jaci Burton is a USA Today and New York

Times  bestselling  author  who  lives  in  Oklahoma
with  her  husband  and  dogs.  She  has  three  grown
children  who  are  all  scattered  around  the  country
having lives of their own. A lover of sports, Jaci can
often  tell  what  season  it  is  by  what  sport  is  being
played.  She  watches  entirely  too  much  television,
including an unhealthy amount of HGTV, which has
given  her  the  ‘let’s  remodel  every  room  in  the
house’ bug. When she isn’t on deadline, Jaci can be
found  at  her  local  casino,  trying  to  become  a
millionaire  (so  far,  no  luck).  She’s  a  total  romantic
and  loves  a  story  with  a  happily  ever  after,  which
you’ll find in all her books.

Connect with Jaci online to learn more about her

upcoming titles

www.jaciburton.com

https://www.facebook.com/AuthorJaciBurton

https://twitter.com/jaciburton

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