A Total-E-Bound Publication
www.total-e-bound.com
Fantasy for Sale
ISBN # 978-1-78184-356-7
©Copyright Sage Marlowe 2013
Cover Art by Posh Gosh ©Copyright May 2013
Edited by Sue Meadows
Total-E-Bound Publishing
This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s imagination
and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or
places is purely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form,
whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of
the publisher, Total-E-Bound Publishing.
Applications should be addressed in the first instance, in writing, to Total-E-Bound
Publishing. Unauthorised or restricted acts in relation to this publication may result in civil
proceedings and/or criminal prosecution.
The author and illustrator have asserted their respective rights under the Copyright Designs
and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book and illustrator
of the artwork.
Published in 2013 by Total-E-Bound Publishing, Think Tank, Ruston Way, Lincoln, LN6 7FL,
United Kingdom.
Warning:
This book contains sexually explicit content which is only suitable for mature readers. This
story has a heat rating of Total-e-burning and a sexometer of 2.
This story contains 165 pages, additionally there is also a free excerpt at the end of the book
containing 8 pages.
What’s the price of reality when a fantasy is for sale?
Cam is young, sinfully sexy and willing to play without limits, a combination which makes
him a fantasy turned to flesh for men and women alike—and he’s for sale.
Nate is curious when it comes to carnal delights but hasn’t found the right man to explore his
desires with.
When a friend buys Nate a few hours of pleasure with Cam, it’s not much of a surprise that
Nate ends up intrigued. He keeps coming back for more and the attraction between them
appears to be mutual but while Nate finds himself falling for the sexy hooker, Cam makes no
secret of the fact that for him, sex is just a job.
Determined to win him over, Nathan tries to show him that sex is about more than physical
satisfaction but Cam’s walls seem impenetrable until a dramatic event forces him to reveal
some of his secrets and Nate begins to understand that Cam pays more than just the price for
the reality behind the fantasy.
Dedication
Dedicated to Sue, my wonderful editor who changed the way I look at books,
and to S, my kindred soul who changed the way I look at life
Trademarks Acknowledgement
The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following
wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:
Pretty Woman: Touchstone Pictures
Ferrari: Ferrari S.p.A.
FANTASY FOR SALE Sage Marlowe
6
Chapter One
“Good morning, sweetie-pie!” Cynthia stood in the doorway with a beaming smile,
glowing cheeks and the hint of a stubble rash on her chin.
I clutched my coffee mug. “Seems someone got lucky last night,” I grumbled and took a
sip. It tasted burnt.
“You wouldn’t believe!” She grinned and approached me, obviously intent on hugging
me, so I leant away from her. I frowned and pointedly sniffed the air around her.
“I really hope you’re not going to touch me before you’ve had a very thorough shower
and got rid of that eau de fuck you’ve still got on you.”
Cynthia shot me a wink and flashed a quick smile. “Oh come on, don’t be such a prude.
No need to be Mr Grumpy-Pants just because you spent last night alone.”
“I’m not grumpy,” I told her grumpily. “I just don’t fancy having your fingers on me
after they were sod-knows-where last night.” I drained my mug and added, “And I’m not
prudish.”
“Oooh.” Cynthia rolled her eyes, mocking me openly now. “I can assure you, my
fingers were only in the best places. All places on the most gorgeous male body this house
has ever seen, to be precise.” Still grinning, she raised her hands and waggled her fingers. I
stared at her and raised my eyebrows in fake annoyance.
She laughed. “Don’t give me that look, Nate. You know I’m just saying that because
you’re beyond competition, darling. But seriously, you should see the guy. Yum-my. Believe
me. Perfectly edible. And that’s just his body.”
“Lovely. Sounds like he really got under your skin.”
Cynthia poured a cup of coffee for herself and casually leaned her bony hip against the
kitchen counter. “Well, I guess he did. Quite literally.” She batted her eyelids and peeked
into her cup. A naughty smile curved her lips. “Several times, in fact.”
Sighing, I combed my hair back with my fingers. It had been such a pure, quiet
morning—so far. “Go on then, tell me.” I got a refill then cocked my head, ready to listen to
what was doubtlessly going to be a lengthy and detailed description of last night. Cynthia
FANTASY FOR SALE Sage Marlowe
7
could be shockingly open when it came to sharing her sex life with me, something I liked to
think I’d long since got used to.
And still I squirmed when she said, “Four times. He knows how to handle that
beautiful body of his.”
Trying to hide my envy, I glared at her. “He made you come four times in one night?
And you’ve only just met this guy?”
Cynthia shook her head, chuckling. “No. He came four times. I lost count after the
seventh.”
I just barely managed to stop myself from spluttering into my coffee—or maybe spitting
it across the room. “Seems he really knows what he’s doing.”
“Yeah, but then again, you’d expect him to, wouldn’t you?” Cynthia took a sip from her
cup and met my eyes in wordless challenge.
Soft-hearted fool that I was, I took the bait. “Why’s that?”
“Ah well…he’s a professional, after all.”
“You bonked the hooker? Shit, Cyn, I thought you’d only booked the guy to go to that
opening with you.”
She giggled and I was fairly certain I detected a slightly hysterical note in it. Uh-oh,
woman on hormonal overload. I raised my eyebrows and Cynthia had the decency to look at
least a little sheepish, probably remembering my response to her idea of hiring an escort as
her companion for the occasion.
“Well, that was the plan.” She sighed and, cradling the mug in her hand, ran her
fingertip along its rim as she continued talking. “But when he turned up, he was just
so…charming. He got it all right, you know. He was polite. He knew exactly how to behave
and he was so attentive. Made sure I always got a fresh drink before I even realised I’d
finished, talked to people without trying to steal my fire, that sort of thing. Seriously, he was
just a perfect gentleman.”
“Until he tried to get into your knickers,” I said, letting sarcasm bleed into my voice. It
wasn’t like Cyn at all to let herself be lulled into fascination by a smooth talker—a
professional, at that.
“He didn’t, in fact,” Cyn admitted. “I asked him to stay.”
Well, great. “And he did, of course?”
She nodded, not quite meeting my eyes.
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8
I groaned. “Oh come on, you’ve got to be kidding me. You paid him to go to bed with
you?”
Cynthia was a gorgeous, bright and successful woman who could take her pick among
the men queuing up. She was the kind of girl that every man would be proud to be taken
home by. She definitely didn’t need to spend money to get laid—or have someone fetch her a
drink.
She shrugged. “That’s the way it works in his line of business.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“Yes, sure. Aw, don’t look at me like that, Nate. There’s nothing wrong with it.
Honestly, it made me feel downright good to know that he considered it a job.” She tilted her
head to the side and looked at me thoughtfully. “You know what it’s like to take someone
home on the first night, Nate, don’t you? Especially when it’s supposed to be only that one
night. It always makes me feel so self-conscious and on edge. I have to make sure not to tell
him too much or say anything that would make him get the wrong impression, that kind of
thing. If I make it too easy for him, he’ll think I’m a slut, if I’m too eager, he’s scared I’ll want
to tie him down.” She bit her lip and let out a sad little chuckle.
“And it’s bloody difficult to change your mind when you’re a woman, too. I’m not
saying I do that a lot, but sometimes I just realise the guy and I don’t…fit the way I thought
we would. Most guys are not too happy with that, so if it happens, I have to be really careful
not to piss him off and make him think he could get it if only he tried a bit harder. Besides, an
awful lot of guys think a one night stand is just so they get what they want and they expect a
girl to deliver and not all of them take the time to return the favour, you know.”
“Wow. It’s that good to have sex with a guy, huh?”
She rolled her eyes. “Last night, I didn’t have to worry about any of that. He was so
easy about everything and focused on doing what I liked. I knew he’d do what I’d ask him to
do. And boy, he did.” This time I did the eye rolling thing.
“It made me feel safe with him, you know?” she continued. “Knowing he’d make it
good for me without any strings attached. He wouldn’t even have stayed the night if I hadn’t
asked him to.”
I tried to understand. I really did. I could get the trouble with the dating part, but—
“Doesn’t it bother you that he did what he did only because you paid him for it?”
FANTASY FOR SALE Sage Marlowe
9
Cynthia gave a shrug. “No. That’s the point. I could enjoy all his attentions without
having to return any of it and didn’t have to feel bad about that.”
“Huh. Didn’t you say he came four times? Sounds like he got his share of fun out of it,
too.” I was well aware of the cynical undertone in my voice, as was Cynthia.
“I didn’t expect him not to enjoy fucking me,” she grumbled and wrinkled her nose.
“No, I think it would have been pretty disturbing if that hadn’t brought him off. But he
didn’t ask for it, it was more of a side effect of what he did to me. I guess if I’d asked him to
just use his mouth and fingers on me, he would have settled just as well on not coming at
all.”
She made a face, then she added, “I know I sound horribly selfish, but for me, sex with
a stranger usually is like that—only that this time the roles were reversed and I was the one
who got what she wanted. I don’t know what it’s like for you to fuck another guy. Maybe it’s
different when it’s easy for both of you to get off on just a bit of rubbing the right parts. For
me it’s not, and it’s frustrating when you make the effort to please your partner and he
doesn’t do you the same favour just because it’s a bit more complicated.”
I raised my hands. So much information I really could have lived without. Especially at
seven a.m. and before breakfast. “It’s okay, Cyn. If it makes you happy, and it obviously did,
or rather he did, then I’m certainly not going to get in your way. I just don’t understand why
you think you have to pay a guy to give you satisfaction. I’m sure there are loads of men who
would love nothing more than to make you squeal and squirm with pleasure.”
She did squirm, but it didn’t look like pleasure. “Unfortunately I don’t seem to meet
any of those guys. But it’s good that you’re okay with it. Hold that thought because I’m
planning on booking that boy again.”
“Really? For another event or just to bonk you again?”
She glared at me with her eyes narrowed. “I’m sick of having unsatisfying one night
stands, and I haven’t got the time to keep going on dates just to find someone who might be
interested in more, and put a bit of effort into the matter. Besides, I don’t even want someone
steady. I haven’t got the time for that either. And yes, I fully intend to book him just to bonk
me again, as you so nicely put it. If another event comes up, I’d be happy to take him there as
well, seeing as my best friend doesn’t give a toss about what I do!”
There was a giveaway moist sheen in her eyes. I went to her and hugged her gently, last
night’s sweat and eau de fuck and all. She melted against me and snuggled deeper into the
FANTASY FOR SALE Sage Marlowe
10
embrace. She really smelt of sex. Her familiar, sweet, female scent mingled with something
sharper, more alluring and distinctly male. Sweat, semen. Sex. It wasn’t a bad scent. In fact, I
wouldn’t have minded sniffing it right from the source and having it mingled with my own.
I pushed the thought of sex with a partner away, tempting though it was.
“Cyn, don’t be mad at me,” I whispered into her hair. “You know I’m interested in your
job. I’m your biggest fan, if museum curators have fans. I’m just not good at hanging around
with those society people. Especially not when I’ve only just returned from a trans-Atlantic
flight. But if that new toy of yours really makes you so happy then you can play with him all
you want as far as I’m concerned. I love you, precious. I just don’t want you to get hurt. Give
me a little time to get used to the thought, okay?”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting a little fun, is there?” Cynthia’s voice was
muffled against my chest.
“No, there isn’t. Just remember that the guy’s a whore. He does it for the money, not
because he genuinely likes you.”
“I know. Funnily enough, that’s why I want him. If I pay him, then I don’t have to feel
bad about making him spoil me.”
“Is it really that bad for a woman?”
She sighed. “Sometimes. Often.”
“Maybe I’ll buy you a token for your birthday then.”
Cynthia chuckled in my embrace and I knew I was forgiven. After a moment, she
wriggled away from me. “I think I’ll do the womanish part now anyway and bring him a cup
of coffee.”
She fetched a fresh mug and filled it then she grabbed the milk and stared at the coffee.
While she was still debating whether or not to add some, I left for the bathroom to get ready
for the day. I never even thought about knocking—not until the door was open and I found
myself face to face with a wet dream. Literally. The man standing before me was naked,
dripping wet and had a body that would have made Michelangelo weep. Every inch of him
was silky and lightly tanned skin stretched over toned muscles.
I realised that the way I was staring to take in each and every one of the perfect curves
could be considered downright obscene, so I dragged my mesmerised eyes to above the
man’s shoulder level. Mmm. I liked what I saw. Those cheekbones probably meant that he
had sold his soul at some point to get them. In combination with the firm jaw line that was
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11
split by a slightly chiselled chin and the full, sensuous mouth that was curved into an
amused smirk, the man was so beautiful he should be declared indecent.
The thoughts he inspired in me certainly were. I licked my lips. I couldn’t help it. It was
either that or letting the drool slide out. Boy, the guy was tall. At just over six feet, I wasn’t
used to having to look up, but meeting the man’s eyes actually required some tilting of my
head. The unfamiliar angle only added to the sense of excitement sizzling in my groin. Those
deep sea-green eyes would be even more stunning if darkened by arousal, I thought, but
right now, there was a good-humoured glitter in them.
“You done looking?” He had a voice like velvet and didn’t sound annoyed, just mildly
curious. Damn, I wanted him.
“Sorry, um…” I cleared my throat and tried to keep my hands under control. They
seemed to have developed a sudden urge to flail. “I, uh, didn’t expect anyone to be in here.
Sorry, my mistake.”
“It’s quite all right. I don’t mind sharing a bathroom, I was just wondering if you’ve
seen all there is so I can towel myself off.”
“Yes, sure. I mean, yes, of course you can towel yourself off, not that I…uh, you know.”
“Oh, I know,” he said, still sounding amused. He seemed to have read every single one
of my thoughts. Heat rose in my cheeks, but he just let out a deep, throaty chuckle and
turned to reach for a towel. Intentional or not, he treated me to a good view of his peach-like
buttocks.
He didn’t seem at all self-conscious as he started drying himself, not even when he got
to his privates. The idea that I had really better leave didn’t occur to me as I watched the
man’s cock twitch and grow under the friction of the towelling. It was a pretty one, all
smooth skin and already quite impressive in size even though it was barely half-hard. A
drop of clear liquid seeped from the slit. I longed to lick it off and take that warm, smooth
shaft into my mouth. I could almost feel the slide of damp skin across my lips, the feel of the
blunt head dragging over my tongue and spreading my jaws as I took him deeper.
Oh shit.
My cheeks cranked up the temperature. I’d just ogled this man’s—a complete
stranger’s—dick. Not just ogled. Fantasised about sucking it.
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“Sorry. Again,” I croaked and gave a squeaky chuckle. “I’m not usually like this, you
know. I guess I’m just a little surprised. I don’t have a naked guy in my bathroom every
day.”
He gave his package a last squeeze with the towel, then continued down his legs. Long,
lean-muscled legs. They’d feel amazing wrapped around my hips.
“I didn’t realise there was someone else living here,” my bathroom guest said. “I
thought it was just Cynthia.” Looking up at me as he dried his feet, he quirked a smile. I
noticed nice, straight teeth between the pink of his lips and a distinctly cute set of dimples.
Dimples, for crying out loud! I groaned inwardly.
He straightened up. “I’m Cam, by the way.”
“Nathan,” I replied, and told my eyes once again to quit staring at his cock so my brain
could come up with a decent line of conversation. My eyes refused and all I could come up
with was a brilliant, “Cam? Short for Cameron?”
“It’s fine by me, you know.” Ignoring my clever question, Cam put the towel back on
the rack, turned and stood in front of me. His semi-erect shaft bobbed just along the line of
my peripheral vision. “The price is gonna get up, though.”
“Huh?” Another brilliant question.
Cam’s smile stayed in place. “The deal was the night with her. If you want to play, too,
that’s fine. But it’s extra.”
“Uh… Extra?” And a third.
The smile became a little strained around those green eyes. “Yes. Tell me what you
want and I’ll charge you just that or you can have a wild card and have me any way you
want for a specified time.”
I took a breath to speak, but my brain wasn’t ready to give an answer just yet. ‘Wild
card’. ‘Any way you want’. My heart pounded so hard I thought it would hop right out of
my chest any moment. And talking of hard, yes, I was sporting a raging hard-on. I wanted
this man, badly. And he wanted to charge me.
I could see the scene from Cam’s point of view and understood what he must have been
thinking. Just as I was about to open my mouth to explain to him and apologise, the door
opened and in walked Cynthia with a grin on her face. She was already fully dressed, so she
must have used the second bathroom. It was a small indication of just how much time I had
spent ogling the naked hooker in the first bathroom.
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13
“Hello boys,” she purred. “I would have introduced you, but apparently you’ve already
met.” She glanced at Cam’s naked body in open admiration. She even licked her lips as she
trailed her gaze along his perfectly lickable abs. “Good morning, beautiful. I thought you
were still in bed. I wanted to bring you coffee—well, I brought you coffee. It’s in the
bedroom.”
“Thank you.” Cam smiled. “I needed a shower. Ended up in a wet patch after all.” He
winked and Cynthia grinned sweetly.
“Well you know, the one who causes it has to sleep in it.”
“I know, I know.” Cam let out a sigh, but the smile stayed on his face and he turned to
me. “So anyway, how do you want to play? Just you or both of you?”
“What?” Cynthia looked from me to Cam and back at me.
“He, uh, seems to think I chased him down here deliberately to, um, you know,” I
explained awkwardly. “I didn’t. Sorry, Cam, I really just came in here to do what people do
in their bathrooms in the morning. I didn’t expect you to be here at all and I didn’t think
about, um, playing with you, either.”
“Oh.” Cam stared at me for a moment. His green gaze flicked to Cynthia, then back to
me as he obviously tried to figure out where we each fit in the picture. Shrugging, he said,
“Sorry, Nathan. My mistake.”
Cynthia grinned. “I guess it’s my mistake, really. I should have warned you both. Cam,
this is Nathan’s flat. He lets me crash here when I’m out late and can’t be bothered to face the
trip home.”
“Ah, I see. Again, sorry, Nathan. I thought you wanted… Well, never mind. I guess that
means I can get dressed now—unless you want seconds, Cyn?” The expression in his eyes as
he met hers was calm, neither overly inviting nor unwilling and I couldn’t help thinking that
it was just business as usual for him. But oh my, what an offer.
Cynthia blushed and batted her eyelids. “Gosh, Cam, I’d like to, but I’m running late
for work as it is.” She blushed some more and, after a quick sideways glance at me, she
added, “Besides, I think I’m too sore.”
Cam didn’t bat an eyelid. “Sorry ‘bout that.”
She giggled, ignoring my wince. “Don’t be. It’s nice. I might call you again if that’s all
right with you.” Knowing the tone of her voice, I could tell she was nervous about asking
him.
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14
Cam seemed to sense it, too. He treated her to a devastating smile as he slipped into his
suit trousers. “By all means, please do. You’ve got my number, right?”
“Uh-huh.” She nodded, and the tension dropped from her shoulders. Instead, she
cocked her head and a very naughty grin appeared on her face. It was the kind of grin I knew
only too well. Usually it meant that whatever she had in mind was trouble. Of the bad kind.
“You know what?” she told Cam slowly, tauntingly. “How about you stay a little
longer and take care of Nathan?” Cam raised an eyebrow but didn’t answer.
I didn’t possess such control. “Cyn, no!” I cut in. “Seriously, I—”
“Shut up, Nate! It’s my treat.” She hadn’t taken her eyes off Cam. “Would you, hon? I
feel kind of bad, you know? I had so much fun last night and the poor darling hasn’t got laid
in weeks. Would you make him happy for me?”
Cam did another of those looking-from-one-to-the-other-and-back routines, then he
shrugged and smiled. “Sure. What do you want me to do?”
“Anything he wants.” She fumbled briefly in her purse and slipped a bundle of notes
into Cam’s hand. “That should cover it.” Winking at me, she turned to leave but stopped at
the door. “Oh, and Cam? Make him scream.” Vixen grin firmly in place, she spun around
and left us alone. Me. Him. Alone. Me alone with him.
I developed a very serious interest in the layout of the bathroom tiles. Had that light
grey pattern really been in them all along? And why had no one realised that the pattern on
one of them was facing the wrong way and… I became aware of Cam coming closer, but I
just couldn’t make myself look up from the floor. Cam chuckled softly and tucked a finger
under my chin, gently forcing my face up to make me meet his eyes.
“You okay?” His voice was low and intimate, teasing my ears just like the sight of his
smiling mouth teased my libido.
“Yeah, I just, uh, I guess I’m just more than a bit surprised.” I gave a shaky laugh.
“Trust Cynthia to come up with stupid ideas.”
“I don’t think it’s a stupid idea.” Cam sounded perfectly calm, which only served to
make me even more nervous. I shuddered under his inquisitive look.
“But…you just spent the night with her and now you…you would…with me. And
she… Oh, fuck,” I groaned. “This is weird.”
Cam’s gaze locked with mine. “There’s nothing weird about it, Nathan. It’s only sex, no
strings attached. She wants you to enjoy it, so don’t spoil it by thinking too much.”
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“But I-I’ve never…” I stammered, helpless under Cam’s stare and increasingly
incoherent.
“There’s a first time for everything,” Cam rasped, leaning in a little closer. “Don’t think.
Feel.”
He lowered his head and brushed his lips over my mouth in a first tender touch.
Thoughts ran havoc in my mind, not all of them logical. He was a whore. Whores didn’t
kiss—did they? This one definitely did. He hesitated for a few heartbeats then came back for
more, the caress longer and more intense this time. I moaned as his wet tongue parted my
lips ever so gently and the pressure of his mouth against mine increased. What was I doing? I
couldn’t…shouldn’t… But why did it feel so natural to open up to Cam, and why did I have
this need to lean into him when he put his arms around me and pulled me close?
He was half-naked, and his skin was still moist from the shower. He smelt so fucking
good, clean, just a bit musky and the feel of his solid body where it touched mine made my
nerve endings tingle with pleasure. Our kiss, his kiss, deepened, a slow, tentative tangling of
tongues, as he licked and explored my mouth. He was in control and I liked it. I liked how he
played and rambled like an eager puppy and yet unerringly discovered all the caresses I
enjoyed. Cam was a good kisser and his height forced me to tilt my head up, causing an
unfamiliar angle that only added to my growing arousal. And he wasn’t left unaffected
either. He pushed his groin against mine, pressed the hard ridge there to my own throbbing
erection. I thought the friction alone would bring me off, but then he started nibbling and
licking from my ear, along my neck to my collarbone and I was busy shuddering and jolting
under his talented tongue.
“What do you want, baby?” His voice was low and breathy. I trembled.
“I—oh yes—I’m not sure,” I panted and groaned when Cam darted the tip of his tongue
out and dipped into the little hollow dent between my collarbones.
I felt a frightening lot like a teenager, all turned on and ready to blow from nothing
more than kisses and the hard length of another man’s body rubbing along mine. Cupping
the side of my head with one hand, Cam stroked my bottom lip with his thumb. The gesture
was unexpected, sweet and heartbreakingly intimate. I melted against him.
“Want me to take the edge off first? Don’t worry, we can play later,” he offered in a
seductive tone and the last of my resistance slipped away. The idea of Cam on his knees in
front of me, those perfect, luscious lips wrapped around my swollen cock made my head
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16
spin. I gasped and bit my lip, struggling not to embarrass myself. I didn’t trust my voice, so I
just gave a tight nod and planted my hands on Cam’s hips, tugging him down. Cam
understood and gracefully dropped to his knees, already working my fly open with nimble
fingers. He let out an appreciative hum as my rock-hard shaft popped out and bobbed right
in front of his mouth.
I was close to pushing my hands down there to protect my dignity, but Cam beat me to
it. Pushing my trousers lower, he freed my balls too, and treated them to a tantalising finger
play with one hand while he wrapped the other around my erection and stroked it.
His touch was light, more tease than friction and I groaned with frustration and the
desire for more, so much more. I gripped Cam’s head with both hands, tangling my fingers
in his still wet, black hair as I tried to guide him to where I wanted him, needed him. But
Cam didn’t follow directions. Instead there was the confusing sound of foil being torn open. I
couldn’t make sense of it until the condom was on me.
I glanced down at him. “For a blow job?” Of course I knew it wasn’t entirely without
risk, but it was practically safe. Unless… About to tell him to stop, I clenched my fingers in
his hair and held him back.
“I’m clean,” he answered my unspoken question. “But there’s no point in developing
bad habits. I don’t do it without.” A soft smile tugged at his eyes as he followed my lead
willingly and opened his mouth. He more than made up for the interruption when he took
me in to the root. My hips bucked. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to lose myself in his heat and I
wanted the tightness he’d denied me. But I needn’t have worried. He seemed to know what
he was doing.
“Oh, fuck, yes! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I shouted. Cam worked the head of my cock with
rhythmic contractions of his throat in a way that was both confusing and more arousing than
anything I’d ever experienced. I would have come right then, spilling my load like a
teenager, if it weren’t for the tight grip he had around the base of my shaft. It was a mean
trick, but it was effective. He repeated the motion a few times, until I’d almost reached the
point where not even his iron grip would have held me in check any longer. My balls were
about to burst and I needed to come or I would just explode. Cam backed off. The burning,
almost painful pressure subsided, but I was still dangerously close.
He licked me devotedly from prickling root to over-sensitive head before he tilted his
head to give my balls the same attention. He lapped at them, bathed them and even sucked
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them into his mouth before flicking the length of my shaft with light beats of his tongue. I
groaned, both in excitement and in frustration. I would have given an arm to feel Cam on my
bare skin instead of experiencing his flawless technique dulled by the latex, but he was right.
The man was a professional. And he was good at his job. I tried to take in the whole
picture, watching from a strange out-of-body perspective. Cam was on his knees in front of
me, eyes half-closed in concentration as he licked and caressed me over and over. His lips
glistened with moisture and they were pink and swollen. It was a highly stimulating picture.
All that was missing was… It took a few tries, but eventually I managed to choke out, “What
about you?”
Cam didn’t back off. He just hummed a questioning sound.
“Don’t you wanna come?”
“Want me to?” He’d pulled back just long enough to get the words out and was already
on me again.
“Yeah,” I gasped. “Wanna watch you come first.” I didn’t know what idiocy made me
want it to be like this. I could barely hold back as it was, and he wasn’t even naked.
But he obliged again. He gave a barely visible nod and sucked my dick into his mouth
once more. A low sound reverberated deep in his throat and it did wonderful things to my
glans.
Keeping the hum up, Cam fumbled to undo his own fly. I’d misjudged him. He was
hard, the magnificent rod swollen to full, impressive size. I longed to touch it, feel its solid
weight in my palm, but it was him who wrapped his hand around it. His strokes were long
and measured. Teasing. He must have known that I was watching him and he shifted to let
me see. He tormented me with the sight of his dark pink flesh moving in the channel of his
pale hand. There was an easy but sensual rhythm to his motion and he increased suction on
me, caressing my cock with his mouth at the same pace he rubbed his own shaft. His other
hand was on my stomach, a firm pressure that kept me steady. And I needed it. Moaning and
shuddering, I forced my eyes to remain open. No way was I going to miss that view. I had
long since stopped trying to guide Cam in this and the grip of my fingers in Cam’s hair had
gone from directing to merely holding on for the ride.
“Please…oh yes, please, I need more,” I begged, and my hips seemed to flex of their
own accord. The friction Cam gave me kept me so deliciously, painfully close to the edge, but
it still wasn’t quite enough to let me topple over. A full body shiver rocked me and soon not
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even Cam with his enormous skill would be able to keep my orgasm from taking over,
enough stimulation or not.
“Come for me, Cam, now!” If the sudden harshness of my order surprised him, he
didn’t show it. He shifted the hand on his dick and his breathing changed to fast, shallow
gasps. A few seconds later, he covered his hand and the bathroom floor with thin ropes of
white cream. He didn’t miss a beat. As soon as the spasms of his own body had stopped, he
shifted his full attention to me.
His mouth had gone slack during his climax, but now he sucked my shaft in with
determination. He pulled back until only his lips held it in place then slid it back inside all
the way and swallowed. I lost it on the third repetition. I screamed and jerked as I shot deep
down Cam’s throat, filling the bloody condom with what felt like buckets. I came so hard I
saw stars explode behind my eyes and my knees gave out. I was faintly aware of strong arms
catching and supporting me, easing me down on the floor and holding me until I was back
inside myself. I didn’t know how long it took, was oblivious to the time that had passed until
I could finally muster the strength to open my eyes. My head rested on Cam’s bare chest and
he had his arm wrapped around my back. He stroked my hair in a random pattern. Cam
smelt very nice, I noticed. The clean scent of the shower was still there, but now it was buried
under the warmer smell of musk, the hot spice of male sweat, arousal and cum.
“That was… rather mind-blowing,” I told him.
“Hmm,” Cam purred and kissed the top of my head. “Glad you liked it.”
“Oh, ‘like’ is an understatement. This was the best blow job I’ve ever got.” I reached
down and gingerly peeled the condom off. I flung it in the general direction of the bin. Not
exactly the best manners, but it would have to do.
“Was it?” Cam sounded mildly surprised. “Well, if that’s the case then maybe I should
give you another one like that.”
I shifted to look up at Cam’s face. The same expression of mild amusement I had seen
before was playing on Cam’s features. It reminded me of how we had ended up in this
situation in the first place. “Another? I thought we, uh, I thought this was it?”
Smiling, Cam shook his head. “This was just to take the edge off, remember? Your
friend was pretty generous, so you can keep me to play all day.”
“All…day?”
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19
“Uh-huh. If you want. She gave me the same for you as she paid me for last night, so I
guess it’s only fair if you get the same.” I found I couldn’t look at him any longer. I averted
my gaze and sat up. The perfect calm of his voice only made his words all the more revolting.
It really was just business for him and I didn’t want to be reminded of that. It was stupid and
illogical, but I felt used to the point where I was ashamed of myself. My affections and
feelings had been his for the taking, but he hadn’t even wanted them. All he’d wanted was
the money my BF had given him.
“Sure you’re up to that?” I didn’t bother to keep the acid out of my voice. “After all, you
just spent the entire night with Cynthia, so you’re probably rather exhausted by now.”
“I’m okay. I might need a little longer to get off again, but everything’s in working
order.” Smirking, Cam looked down to where his cock rested against his thigh. It was still
half-hard or maybe it had already recovered.
Despite myself, I swallowed. Cam had a bloody amazing body. “You’re serious about
this, aren’t you?”
“Of course I am. As I said, it’s just about sex. No strings attached and nothing to regret.
I’m here to make you happy, baby, and you don’t need to feel bad about it. Just tell me what
you want and let me take care of you.” His voice was soft and seductive, and it was
beginning to lure me back into a state of semi-arousal. ‘Just tell me what you want’. Could it
be so easy? Was the fulfilment of my dreams, the satisfaction of my deepest yearnings, really
just an order away?
I gulped. “You’d really do anything I ask you to?”
“Well, there are some things I don’t do, but I don’t think you’re that kind of guy, so,
yes. Anything.”
I perked up. “What things?”
“Don’t worry. I don’t think you’d want to go there.”
“Oh. Does that mean you think I’m not versatile sexually?”
Cam gave me a dimply grin. “No. I just think you’re not into that kind of stuff.”
“Makes me sound a bit boring.” Not just a bit boring, no. It was plainly frustrating that
Cam seemed to think I didn’t have any devious desires.
“I don’t think you’re boring, Nathan,” he said softly. “I’m just saying that I don’t see
you asking for any of the things I don’t do, so I don’t see the need to discuss them.”
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“Okay. So what would you say if I asked you to, say, come to my bedroom and let me
fuck you?”
Cam sighed but didn’t bat an eyelid. “I’d say I should clean this up first.” Holding up
his hand, he presented me the cum that had begun to dry on it. “Then I’d ask you what
position you want me in.”
“Let me.” I didn’t know what possessed me, but I circled Cam’s wrist with my fingers
and brought his hand to my lips. I stuck out my tongue and nipped at the gooey white blobs.
It tasted quite nice, far better than I’d expected—a little salty but not too bitter. I could
definitely stand the taste of Cam and before I knew it, I had licked off all that I could find.
Cam’s hand was moist but clean. Realising what I had just done and feeling more than just a
little self-conscious, I looked up. The expression on Cam’s face would have knocked me off
my feet if I hadn’t already been sitting. He watched me with narrowed eyes. The tip of his
tongue rested on his bottom lip and a faint moan escaped him. “That was sexy as hell. You
really shouldn’t do it, though.” There was a distinct tightness in his voice and his breathing
was irregular, I noticed with no small satisfaction. That would teach the guy to label me as an
innocent little flower.
“Guess that means bedroom now, huh?” Cam asked hoarsely.
I laughed, ignoring the curious twitch my cock gave. “Oh dear. Admittedly, that sounds
tempting, but you wore me out. Besides, I’m afraid I’m running out of time. I’ve got a
meeting with my editor at eleven and if I stand him up, he’s going after my balls.”
“Ooh, can’t risk that happening, now can we?” Cam crooned.
“No, indeed, I’d rather not.” I pushed at the long leg Cam had still hooked over my
own, and got up. From the corners of my eyes I watched Cam rise gracefully to his feet and
pull his trousers back up. He looked gloriously dishevelled with his air-dried hair and lips
still swollen from his exertions. He smiled when he caught me ogling him and shot me a
wink. He was so bloody gorgeous it made my heart ache along with my groin.
“Listen, uh, I was thinking… I know you said I could have the day, so technically it’s
probably just tough on me if I have other plans, but, well, I was wondering if maybe you’d
agree to see me again tonight instead. I wouldn’t ask you for the entire night of course seeing
as I’ve already taken up quite a bit of your time, but maybe just the evening would work for
you.” Babbling when nervous and trying to make a good impression. Yes, that was me.
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21
Cam’s eyebrows had climbed up and his left cheek dimpled in a cute half-smile while
he listened, but when I had finished, his transition from hot-blooded sex toy to cool business
man was so smooth and immediate it made my head spin. The smile froze to the impersonal
friendliness of an insurance agent. “We never actually negotiated exact terms and making it
today was just my suggestion, so technically I couldn’t hold you to that anyway. Tonight is a
bit short notice, but I don’t think I’ve any other plans so it should be okay. Want me to come
here?”
“Is that how this works?”
Cam laughed quietly. “It works any way you want, baby.”
“Hmm, well actually… There is an art exhibition I’m supposed to go to. Not my usual
hunting grounds, but I’m covering for a colleague, so I’ll have to have a look at some point
this week. I meant to take Cynthia, but she’s pretty busy. Would you go with me?”
“Sure. What time?”
“Uh, let me think, um, say eightish?” I suggested, watching Cam wash his hands and
try to get his hair in shape.
“Okay.” He turned his head and met my gaze. “Where is it?”
“Milo’s Gallery in Knightsbridge. Know where that is?”
“I’ll find it. Anything in particular you want me to wear?”
“Wear? I think they’d appreciate it if you turned up in a suit as it’s a posh place, but as
far as I’m concerned you can wear whatever you’re comfortable with. I suppose you’ll look
ravishing in anything.”
“Thank you.” Cam smiled, then he turned away from me and left the bathroom,
heading in the direction of the spare room—Cyn’s room, the room she’d shared with him last
night. And the bed. I refused to acknowledge it and instead watched Cam put on his shirt
and do up the buttons with calm efficiency and well-practised motions. I just didn’t know
what to say so I waited while he retrieved and shrugged into his suit jacket.
Finally he plucked a card from his pocket and handed it to me. “My mobile number.
I’m available at all times unless I’m working in which case it goes to voice mail. If you leave a
message, I’ll call back as soon as I can. If you don’t mind, I’d like to have your number as
well so we can let each other know if anything comes up.”
“Sure.” I scribbled my number on a piece of paper and gave it to Cam. He pocketed it,
then surprised me by leaning in and kissing me full on the mouth. “Eight o’clock at Milo’s
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22
Gallery. I’ll do my best to look ravishing.” He turned and left without another word, leaving
me confused and horny. My lips tingled where he’d kissed them.
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23
Chapter Two
By eight o’clock that evening, I still hadn’t managed to get a grip on myself. I’d spent
the day alternately floating on the memory of Cam on his knees, sucking me off as if he was
rehearsing a scene from a porn film, and contemplating what to do with him in the evening.
The only distraction had been a meeting with my editor in the early afternoon. It had gone
well, although I’d barely been able to concentrate. Worse, I’d even had to excuse myself once
to go to the bathroom and take care of that persistent stiffness between my legs. Jeff, my
editor and a good friend for years, had given me a knowing grin but kept his comment to
himself.
I’d been close to evaporating with mortification. I couldn’t remember the last time an
encounter with a stranger had left me in such a mess, or even the last time the aftermath of a
single blow job had lasted for an entire day. But maybe it wasn’t just that one perfect blow
job in the morning. I’d been promised more, and tonight I was going to get it.
I hadn’t made up my mind yet about what I wanted to do with Cam once I got him
home. There were just so many options, and I fully intended to make sure that whatever we
did would blow Cam’s mind just as thoroughly as he had blown mine. It was the least I
owed him.
Watching the crowd in the gallery, I enjoyed a glass of the complimentary champagne.
It was good, or so I thought it must be, but its subtle flavours barely registered. I was glad to
have secured one of the few standing tables that were dotted across the room. It helped me
hide the oversized bulge at my crotch, courtesy of the thoughts Cam had been inspiring in
me all day long. When Cam turned up, right on time, his appearance didn’t go unnoticed.
Several heads turned in his wake, both female and male. Mine was frozen in the same
position it had been in when I’d first set eyes on him.
True to his word, Cam looked ravishing. A pale grey, well-cut suit showed off his
handsome body, and the deep charcoal colour of his shirt brought out the striking green of
his eyes beautifully. His hair was a little more dishevelled than strictly appropriate, but the
black strands hanging into his eyes were an invitation to be touched and brushed back. I
longed to twist my fingers in those thick curls, use my grip to hold his head in place while I
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24
kissed him breathless. And I wasn’t alone. By the time Cam had reached my table, about
three quarters of the people in the room must have been willing to pay for a night with him. I
was very certain of that. The remaining quarter consisted of stubbornly straight guys.
Cam treated me to a bright smile. “Good evening.”
“Good evening.” Playing it cool, I handed him a glass of champagne. “You look, um,
stunning.”
“Oh, oops. And here I was trying for ravishing.” Cam shot me a wink.
“I’m sure you’ll pass for either.”
“Lucky me.”
“Right now I feel like I’m the lucky one.” So much for playing it cool. I bit my lip to keep
more foolish words from tumbling out.
Cam raised his glass and took a sip. When he lowered it, his lips were curved into a
lascivious smile. “Don’t worry, Nate. You’re definitely getting lucky tonight.”
I swallowed and bit my lip so hard it made me wince. I let go, clenching my fist in my
pocket instead, and cleared my throat. “That’s not what I was referring to. Did you find this
place all right?”
“Yes, thank you. How did the meeting with your editor go?” The question both
surprised and delighted me. So he had not only listened but also remembered.
“It was okay. A little awkward, but we got through the business talk.”
“I’m sure you did.” The smile was still dancing in his eyes, and I knew he’d understood
what I hadn’t said. “So are you an author then?”
“Nn-nn. Journalist and occasional freelance writer. I write for a couple of different
magazines.”
“Oh. Sounds exciting.” Cam managed to make it sound as if it was.
“Well, it can be demanding enough as a job, but there are more important professions
out there.”
He raised his eyebrows but remained quiet.
“What?”
“Isn’t it your mission to provide the world with information?”
There was the faintest hint of accusation in his voice. It astonished me coming from
him, but I was used to this prejudice. “I’m not that kind of journalist. Nothing sensational. I
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25
don’t travel the war zones of the planet or sneak into Downing Street to drag out our nation’s
dirty laundry.”
A thin vertical line had appeared in the middle of his forehead. “Hey, no offence,
okay?”
“None taken. I know that a lot of people think journalists are just a bunch of interfering,
suicidal sods, so I like to set them straight.”
“Right.” Cam drained his glass and set it on the table. A muscle flexed in his cheek. I
hadn’t intended to, but apparently I had cracked his veneer a little.
“Wanna take a look around?”
If he thought the change of topic too swift, he didn’t show it. “I’m easy. Do you?”
I sighed. Again, he’d read me. “Yes, we might as well get it over with. The sooner we
start the sooner we’ll be ready and out of here.”
“Doesn’t sound like you’re into art all that much. Or is that another misconception?”
“I’m not. Just doing someone a favour.”
“Mmm. What a nice man you are. I think you deserve a reward for that later.”
“Tease.” I returned his smile. My mood was improving, along with his. The flare of his
temper had surprised me, but whatever had brought it about seemed to have passed. He was
his usual flirty self again, or the self he’d shown me so far.
We started our tour around the gallery. Cam remained close to me—so close in fact that
it was bordering on an inappropriate public display of intimacy, but I liked it. His gaze found
mine every time I turned to him and he brushed my arm from time to time.
“Aren’t you worried that people around us might consider this a bit too much?” I asked
him when he tangled his fingers with mine. Frowning, he looked down at our hands, then he
brought them up to eye level. “What, this?”
“Yes.”
He grinned. “Well, I’m not sure, but to be honest, I think that people who consider that
art, won’t freak out at the sight of two guys holding hands.” He’d jerked his head in the
direction of an eight foot tall statue that occupied the entire corner of the room.
“Eh? Why’s that?” I asked.
“Haven’t you seen it before?”
“Nn-nn. Last time I was here, they had a glass elephant in that place.”
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26
“Well then, let’s take a look.” He didn’t let go of my hand. I understood what he meant
the second I saw the front of the statue. It was mostly human in shape, but the proportions
were ridiculous.
“What is this?” I asked, still not trusting my eyes.
“Whatever it is—it’s male,” Cam deadpanned. We stared at each other for a second,
then we burst out laughing.
“He looks like he’s in danger of overbalancing, don’t you think?” I gasped, trying to
catch my breath.
“That’s what I thought the first time I saw it. Like it?”
“Like?” I looked some more. “Not sure. I wouldn’t even know where to put it, to be
honest.”
Cam’s smile became mischievous. “Wouldn’t you? Want me to give you some clues
later at home?”
The sparkle in his eyes made my cock twitch in response. “I just meant, um, because it’s
big.” Great. I stammered like a teenager—and couldn’t come up with a proper sentence.
Cam leaned in. “I know. And I meant because you’re big.” His husky murmur made me
shiver and the gentle squeeze of his fingers turned my legs to rubber. Petrified, I looked at
him. I half expected him to kiss me right there, and I probably would have let it happen, but
he tugged at my hand, lifting the spell he’d cast over me a little.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had been the centre of so much male attention and I
began to understand why Cyn enjoyed his company so much. Cam was the perfect date and
he was a tease indeed. By the end of the evening, he’d turned me into a sexually charged
mess. I needed release. Fast. I almost shouted with relief when he suggested we go back to
my flat for the fuck I was going to get.
I grabbed him the minute we were through the door and I smashed into him with
enough momentum to send him stumbling against the wall. Holding him by the shirt and his
hip, I kissed him hard. He let it happen, responded to my kiss after a second of confused
hesitation and even arched into my hands.
I could have fucked him right there and then, on the cold tiled floor in the hall behind
the front door, but I couldn’t have faced the regret afterwards. He might have been a whore,
but he deserved better than to be taken on the floor.
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27
I forced myself to break the kiss. “Bedroom,” I panted against his lips. His scent blurred
my senses and arousal coursed through my veins like liquid fire. I couldn’t remember ever
having wanted someone so much. The intensity of my need for him scared me, but I couldn’t
let go. I held on to his wrist as I led him into my lair. “Lose the clothes.”
Cam seemed to understand the urgency. He didn’t fuss, for which I was grateful, and
just undressed with quick efficiency. I’d never seen anything more erotic. He stood before
me, all long, slender limbs. His beautiful cock was swollen and flushed. It bobbed, as if
begging me to come over. I licked my lips. I wanted to taste him, wanted to run my tongue
along the ridge of that fat, thick head, wanted to dip into the tiny hole in its middle and
sample his flavour right from the source.
“How do you want me?” Cam’s words were just a whisper, but the question was heavy
with meaning. It should have spoilt it for me, really, but I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t resist
him.
“On the bed, on your knees. Wanna fuck you.” I barely recognised my own voice.
Cam moved swiftly. Self-assured. He settled on the bed in the position I’d requested,
legs spread and shoulders on the mattress. His back was hollowed which added a nice twist.
It made his arse stick up and out and my dick twitched in anticipation. Damn, how I wanted
to bury myself between those glorious pale globes of his butt cheeks and fuck him.
“Like that?” he asked innocently. His voice was muffled by the pillow, but playful
nonetheless. It made me wish I wasn’t close to coming already. I would have loved to
torment him just like the memory of him had tormented me all day long, but I would
consider myself lucky if I managed to fuck him until he came.
“You know I do.” Of course he knew. I wanted Cam and I needed it fast and hard. In
less than a minute I was out of my clothes and on the bed, kneeling behind Cam and
caressing the flawless round of his buttocks with my hands and gaze. Cam pushed back into
my touch and I groaned. Such a perfect, willing arse on such a beautiful body. I wanted to
dive right in to the root and stroke Cam on the inside as I did on the outside.
“Please tell me you don’t need much preparation.” Oh, please don’t.
“I don’t. You can stick it in, but I’ll need plenty of lube and a moment or two to adjust.
If you can’t handle that, use your fingers first or let me do it.” He sounded far more in
control than I felt which was good. At least one of us was clear-headed enough to make sure
this wouldn’t turn into something we’d regret.
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28
“I think I can manage.” I forced the words out, already grappling with a condom. I
slicked my aching erection thoroughly, even though it damn near killed me, then I squirted a
fat blob of lube on my fingertips and sought out the spot. He hissed at the cold but didn’t
flinch when I dipped into his hole and quickly worked the gel into his body.
Preparing him had taken the worst edge off my arousal, but when I brushed his moist
skin it welled up again, stronger than before. I bumped against him, felt the resistance of his
muscles, then I slipped into him, jolting forwards a few inches.
I stifled a yell. “Fuck, you’re tight…oh God, that’s…uhh.” I gasped, fighting the urge to
just slam in. It would have taken no more than three thrusts to finish me, but desperate
though I was, I couldn’t risk hurting Cam. He was the reason I fought for control and won. I
forced myself to stay still and give his body the time it needed to accommodate me.
“Okay, you can move but…slow,” Cam warned. He rocked against me, let me inch my
way deeper. I was ready to stop at an instant’s notice if he needed me to, but I felt like I was
going to pop a vein with the effort it took me to hold back. Trying to take my mind off the
overwhelming sensation, I concentrated on Cam’s breathing. When it changed from shallow
and strained to soft sighs, I gave a slow first thrust. Cam moaned, but he didn’t sound as if
he needed me to stop, so I moved again, pulling out a few inches before shoving back in. He
moaned again and swayed back and forth, meeting my strokes halfway. A few more gentle
thrusts and his body opened up for me.
“Okay, fuck me.” His voice was rough with arousal now and I sure as hell didn’t need
to be told twice. It was a miracle I’d lasted so long, and there was no way I could manage
more than a few precious minutes. I didn’t know how far gone Cam was, and couldn’t check,
so I hoped he would be easy to please. I wrapped my fingers around his handsome shaft and
jerked him off, creating the same rhythm I had watched him use earlier that day.
A few long strokes had him panting. “Need to…” He groaned and shifted, changing the
angle. I didn’t mind, just let him find the position that worked best for him and hoped that I
would be able to feel him come. I knew when Cam had found the right pose, could feel it in
the shudders racking him, could hear it in the sudden harsh gulps of air he sucked in.
“Come, baby. Let me watch you fly,” I whispered into his ear. He responded with a
long, keening wail and bucked so violently he almost knocked me off the bed. The
contractions of his insides did it for me. His muscles clasped me tightly, nearly pushing me
out. The spasms of his orgasm triggered mine and I came with a roar, shooting deep inside
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29
him. Darkness burned behind my eyes and my groin throbbed with the aftermath of this
powerful climax. I was breathless and dazzled, but Cam brought me back to reality. He let
out a pained squeal and wriggled as if trying to shrug me off. I hadn’t even realised that I’d
clung on to his hips hard enough to bruise him.
“Sorry.” I pulled back, carefully holding on to the condom as I slipped out of him and
removing it before I crashed on the mattress, utterly boneless. “That was good. You’re
fucking hot when you come.”
Whatever Cam’s answer was, it was muffled by the pillow as he settled on his side, his
body stretched out in a long, elegant curve.
“You okay?” I asked. It had been quite rough and I hadn’t given him much time. The
poor sod was bound to feel this for a while.
“Yeah. Just need a moment. You?”
“I feel great. Boneless. Well-fucked, although that’s probably you.”
“Oh yeah,” Cam agreed. He raised his head and looked at the clock on the nightstand.
“Can I take a shower before I go?”
“Of course, but don’t you want to stay? It’s late.”
He didn’t look at me. “Thank you, but I sleep better in my own bed.” His voice was
soft, but I had the irritating suspicion that I was just being let down easy.
Cam rolled out of bed and went to take his shower, leaving me alone with my spinning
mind.
What had just happened? I must have been out of my mind. Sure, it had been an
amazing fuck, but the guy was a hooker. I didn’t even know his last name. Not that it had
been the first time I’d taken a stranger to bed, but knowing that he got paid for it made a
difference. He seemed to have enjoyed it. I’d felt him come. No guy could fake it like that.
Could he? Pathetic, but I raised my head and checked. It should have calmed me, because the
wet patch was proof enough that he’d shot, but what if he hadn’t really enjoyed it? This was
stupid. I wasn’t normally that concerned to make sex an extraordinary experience for my bed
partners. They got off, I had a few nice tricks to get them there, but that was all. Mutual
climax meant mutual enjoyment, no need to worry. So why did I worry now? Because I
didn’t have to? Because, like Cynthia, I was in a position where I was entitled to take
pleasure from him without giving it back?
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30
When Cam returned and dressed, I watched him in silence, still wondering how to
handle the situation. After a while I got out of bed and stood behind him.
“Cam?” I waited until he turned around and looked at me. Why did this have to be so
hard? “Can I… I’d like to see you again, if that’s okay.”
His lips curved into a smile, but his eyes gave nothing away. “Sure. You have my
number, right? Just call me when you feel like it and we’ll set up a date.”
I was devastated. This was his business personality, the same cool professional who had
dealt with Cynthia earlier today.
“That’s not quite what I meant.” A nervous chuckle burst out of me. I rubbed my chin.
“I’d like to see you again…outside of working hours.”
“Fuck.” The word was barely more than a soundless exhalation of breath, but I felt it
like a rupture to my guts nonetheless. Cam watched me then he took a deep breath and let it
out slowly. The expression in his eyes was almost compassionate as he explained, “Look, um,
it’s nothing to do with you, but I don’t do that. Tonight was nice, but I don’t date. Ever.”
“But maybe…”
“Don’t, Nathan, just…don’t. If you want to see me again, there’s only one way for that.
Take it if you want, but it’s all you’ll get. You’re a nice guy, so I’m going to be honest with
you and give you a warning. Think about whether you really want me or not and what you
want from me. It’s never going to be anything more than sex and I’m not cheap.”
“Don’t patronise me. You think I want more than that?” I forced myself to hold his gaze
even though what I really wanted was to turn around and crash on my bed—with the pillow
over my head. Damn if I let one night of delightful company and some of the best sex I’d ever
had shatter my pride.
His expression was stony. “I think I’m part of a game you don’t know how to play.
People can get hurt if they don’t know the rules. You wouldn’t be the first.”
“But maybe I’d play better than you give me credit for,” I grumbled.
“I don’t mean to upset you, Nathan,” Cam said, suddenly soothing. “I just want you to
think about what you’re doing. Seriously, just think. If you really want to see me again, then
at least wait a week or two before you call me, okay?” He squared his shoulders. “Anyway,
I’d better leave now. Please, do me the favour and do as I said.” He lowered his head and
brushed a quick, impersonal kiss on my lips. “Take care.” He didn’t give me time to find
anything else to say and, although I didn’t feel it, I was immensely grateful for that.
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Chapter Three
“Nate? Could you be a doll and open the door please? I’m only half dressed!” Cynthia
shouted across the hall. Rely on her to order a taxi and not be ready when it arrived.
“Sure, but you really have to get going, you’ve got to leave in about five minutes.”
“I know!”
I went to the front door, well aware that Cynthia could hear me as I continued talking.
“I’m just relieved that I don’t have to put up with the need you girls have to fuss about
makeup and gowns. It’s so much easier to be with a guy, you know. Stick a guy into a suit
and he’s dressed for every occasion. Take him out of it and he’ll still look hot and—Sweet
fucking Jesus!” My mother would have ticked me off for that one, but the sight would have
been worth my mother’s wrath.
I steered back, feeling the heat of a blush warm my cheeks. “Um, sorry, I, uh, guess I
wasn’t expecting you.”
The startled frown on Cam’s face melted into a smile. “If it’s any consolation, I’m
surprised, too. How’ve you been?”
Missing you.
“Fine and dandy. Really. Not a care in the world.” I bit my tongue before my nerves
could get the better of me. I only would have ended up babbling and I couldn’t risk that. I
couldn’t risk telling him that I’d been sorely tempted to call him back the minute he’d
walked out of my door, despite what he’d said. I’d wanted to see him again, and I’d entered
the number on the card he’d given me into my phone so often that the keys were more worn
than the others. The only button I’d never made myself press was the one for dial. At first I’d
told myself I’d wait the minimum of one week he’d set me, then I forced myself to make it
two weeks, just to prove that I could. But after the second week was over, I’d decided to add
another. I’d wanted to show him that I wasn’t the clinging idiot he must have thought I was.
The third week became a fourth, and eventually one month turned into three. I’d never
found the courage to lay myself open to his rejection again.
“Cyn, your date is here,” I announced, ushering Cam through to the living room where
I almost knocked my petite friend over.
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She grinned up at me, fully dressed and perfectly made up. There was a twinkle in her
eyes that made me squirm, a silent triumph that told me she’d been up to something and
succeeded. Turning to Cam, she gave him a once-over and hummed in appreciation. “Well,
hello there, handsome. Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”
Cam shifted his weight. “Thank you, Cynthia, but you outshine me by far. You look
stunning.”
“Flatterer.” She tilted her head coquettishly, soaking up the compliment and his
undivided attention, and why shouldn’t she? She’d paid him for it, so it was her prerogative
to take pleasure in it, and him. Of course I knew she was still using Cam’s services. All of
them. He’d been the handsome accessory on her arm on a public event a few times, and the
reason she’d screamed herself hoarse in the bedroom a few times more. She hadn’t exactly
rubbed it in my face, but being Cynthia, the bubbly, loquacious person I loved and adored,
she’d shared some of her adventures with me. And details. More details than I’d cared to
hear, but I couldn’t blame her. I’d never told her how much that night with Cam had meant
to me and she’d let it rest after asking me once if I’d liked her present. I’d thanked her and
explained that while I’d enjoyed it, I’d decided not to make a habit of it.
I watched as Cynthia slung her arms around Cam’s neck and pecked him on the cheek.
He hugged her, pulling her slender frame close and trailing his hands over her waist. His
fingers lingered at the small of her back, just above the curve of her bottom, as if he wasn’t
sure whether or not she expected him to cross that invisible line.
Closing my eyes, I turned away from them. Knowing she fucked him was one thing,
observing their intimacy was another.
Cynthia’s cut-glass laugh rang in my ears. I winced. Hearing them wasn’t pain-free
either.
Cam’s whispered question was too low for me to understand, but his throaty purr was
like liquid honey poured on the nape of my neck. It trickled down my spine, making my skin
tingle along its way to my groin. How could he make me hard with nothing more than the
sound of his voice?
“No-no, handsome. Not now.”
“Oh, sorry. I forgot. You have somewhere to go.” Cam sounded far from sorry. His tone
was temptation, an offer to be naughty and skip duty.
“That’s right,” Cynthia replied. “And so have you.”
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“I know. With the most beautiful woman in the room. Ouch!” He rubbed his chest
where she’d thumped him.
“Serves you right for winding me up. But no, you do not have a date with me.”
“I don’t?”
“No. Nate?”
Oh, so I hadn’t become invisible yet. “Yes?”
“Nate, darling, quit the sulk and come here.” Only Cynthia could speak to me like that
and get away with it.
“What is it?”
“I just wanted to introduce you to your date for tonight.”
The blood drained from my face. “W-what?”
She smiled. “Cam. He’s your date.”
“What? Why? I thought you wanted me to go to the museum with you,” I objected.
“That’s where I am going. I know you’ll enjoy his company tonight a lot more than
mine. Did you forget that it’s your birthday tomorrow? This is my present.” Beaming, she
indicated Cam in a ta-daa gesture. “My treat for the birthday boy. You can keep him the
whole night, you know.”
My head pounded with a dull ache, so the blood must have found the way back from
wherever it had gone. “Did you forget that I have a boyfriend?” I reminded her through
clenched teeth.
Cynthia’s eyes narrowed. “A boyfriend who doesn’t bother to be around for your
birthday.” Cynthia wasn’t ruffled by my resistance. Of course she wasn’t. She was Cynthia,
and she lived in her own world whenever it was convenient for her.
“And yet, Keith is my boyfriend,” I reminded.
She flicked her hand. “So what? He insists you have an open relationship. Maybe it’s
time you started acting like you had one.”
Open-mouthed, I stared at her while poor Cam tried to melt into the floor. He’d turned
away, hands stuffed into his pockets, and I could easily picture him scuffing his toe in
embarrassment.
“Come on, Nate. Don’t be such a pussy. I booked a table for the two of you. At
Raphael’s. You’ve been meaning to go there for ages.”
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“Indeed, I have,” I admitted. I could see her spin her web, and I didn’t like it, but her
offer was a temptation I found increasingly hard to resist.
“See? You can enjoy each other’s company, chat about your history during dinner or
whatever it is guys talk about before getting down to it and then there will still be time for
you to back out if you don’t want the full package.”
I could have snapped her neck. I adored her. She’d been my best friend for over a
decade and I’d thought I wasn’t generally capable of murder, but at that moment, if I’d
known I’d get away with it, I would’ve been tempted.
The doorbell rang loudly into our silence. It made me jump and Cam’s head snapped
up. Only Cynthia seemed delighted.
“Ooh, the taxi’s here! You’ll have to put up with sharing the car with me, but don’t
worry, you’ll be alone to take full advantage of each other soon enough. Come on boys, off
we go!” The expression on Cam’s face as she bounded past him to get to the door was
priceless.
“Did you know about this?” I asked him.
“Didn’t have a clue.”
“What do you think?”
“About her, uh, present?”
“About dinner,” I clarified.
He shrugged. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m booked for the night. If you want to feed me
rather than fuck me, I don’t mind. If you want to feed and fuck me, I won’t mind either. It’s
your call.”
“Oh. Good to know. Well then, let’s go have dinner. No point letting a reservation at an
excellent restaurant go to waste.”
* * * *
The cosy atmosphere in the restaurant did magic on my mood and suddenly it all
didn’t seem quite so scary anymore. I could do this. Dinner with a gorgeous man and the
option of sex for dessert. I still didn’t intend to have that dessert, but there were definitely
scarier things out there than turning down a hot guy. At least this gave me the chance to find
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35
out more about him and who knew? Maybe I’d just find something that would put me off
him. Like the fact that he was a whore.
I held up the menu. “They have a very nice Cabernet if you feel like sharing a bottle, but
you can order anything you like, of course.”
Cam’s dimples made a brief appearance. “Thank you. Cabernet’s fine with me. So tell
me, are you glad to have narrowly escaped that event at the museum?”
“I am, actually. Especially since it’s the fourth in as many weeks. Cyn’s turning that
museum of hers into a public theatre.”
Cam let out a soft chuckle. “I suppose she gets more people in there with all her extra-
curricular events than during opening hours.”
“I’m sure she does. But it pays off. She got the place out of the red it’s been in for years,
and the trustees are well happy with her.”
“Good for her.”
“It is. But museums are not what you really care for, are they?”
He grinned. I must have caught him off guard, because it wasn’t his usual come-on
smile. This one was a smirk, as if I’d just found out a dirty secret.
“I’ve learned to care for them,” he replied.
“And what do you really care for?”
His smile froze. He nudged his napkin with his fingertip, then straightened his tie self-
consciously. “I, uh, like music.”
“What kind of music?”
“Alternative rock, mostly, sometimes metal and occasionally I’ll even listen to
classical.” He shrugged and flashed an unconvincing grin. “Whatever is on the radio, really.”
“Whatever the client you’re with wants to hear, you mean,” I translated.
His lips thinned. “Right.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“Yes, you did.” He pushed back the dishevelled black strands that hung into his eyes.
“Look, I’m out of my depths here, okay? I don’t need to be wined and dined, and I don’t give
a flying fart about museums, classical music or fucking designer suits. But a certain clientele
likes it and apparently I look good in a suit, so I do it.”
“You do it because it pays better.”
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36
He stared at me. A muscle twitched under his left eye and I thought he’d just get up
and leave, but the waiter came and took our order. When the man had turned away, Cam
was still there, clutching his wine glass with a white-knuckled hand.
“You have it all figured out, don’t you?” he grumbled. His eyes were ablaze and his
shoulders were stiff. I didn’t know what had made him so angry so suddenly. It couldn’t
have been the first time someone had asked him a personal question, and if this was his
usual response to it, he was clearly in the wrong line of business.
I shrugged. “No, I haven’t figured it all out. Far from it. All I know is that you get paid
for what you do.”
“Right.” He took a breath. “It’s my job. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Right. Your job,” I confirmed, and raised my glass. I clinked it to his, then lifted it to
my lips. The wine was good, rich and smooth with subtle flavours that danced on my
tongue. I swallowed and set the glass down but didn’t let go. Tapping my finger on its rim, I
asked, “But even if it’s a job, surely you can appreciate something good, can’t you?”
He hadn’t tasted the wine yet and stared at the glass in his hand. “I guess so,” he said
vaguely and took a sip. His eyes widened in surprise and he licked his lips, chasing a stray
drop to the corner of his mouth and wiping it away. I was hard in an instant. Had I said I
didn’t want to have sex with him? What a fool I was. I wanted him more than ever. I wanted
to follow the trail of his tongue with my own, wanted to hunt it all the way into the sweet
cavern of his mouth and lure it back out to play with mine. I didn’t know what he saw on my
face when he looked at me, but whatever it was drew a soft gasp from him. His lips parted,
gleaming with moisture and it was all I could do not to jump across the table and kiss him
breathless.
“Tell me about your boyfriend,” he said, shattering a perfectly good moment. At least
my raging hard-on withered and retreated, so staying seated wasn’t quite so uncomfortable
any more.
“My…boyfriend?” I choked out.
“Uh-huh. He’s part of the reason you’re so uptight about being here with me, isn’t he?”
“I’m not uptight! I’m in a relationship. I’d be cheating on my partner if I had sex with
you.”
Pursing his lips, Cam traced the pattern on the table cloth with his fingernail. “You
forget that I spend a lot of time with people who are in relationships,” he said quietly. “Being
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37
in a relationship doesn’t mean people are happy with their partner or with what they have
together.”
“Yes, but not everybody is unhappy in a relationship either.”
“True.”
“Then why am I uptight just because I don’t want to cheat on my partner?”
He raised his gaze to meet mine. “Nate, you’re misunderstanding. I don’t care why you
do what you do or don’t do. I just don’t want you to judge me for what I do. There are
enough people who appreciate the services I offer.”
“Oh, I’m sure there are. And they don’t judge you? Tell me, how do they treat you? Do
they thank you after they’re done with you? Would they say hello to you if they met you in
the street?”
He’d gone pale at my words and his hand trembled where it rested on the table. This
time I was grateful for the distraction the waiter offered by bringing our food. It looked
mouth-watering and smelt divine, but Cam barely glanced at it. I gave him a few minutes to
cool down before I said, “Eat, it’s not poisoned.”
“Sorry, I wasn’t sure it was okay for me to eat at the same time as you.” His voice
dripped with acid. “Maybe I ought to wait for you to finish first. Acknowledge our different
positions.”
“Fuck, Cam!” I snapped. “Quit the strop, will you? I didn’t say I saw you as anything
less than a fellow human being, did I? I was just trying to explain why I have my reservations
about taking you to bed. It’s about me respecting what I have with another person, not about
you being a whore.”
He gritted his teeth. I thought I could actually hear the noise his jaws made as they
clenched. “Glad we got that out of the way.”
Sighing, I picked up my knife and fork. I didn’t know what to do any more than I knew
what I’d done to make him so angry, but I decided to put it down to having inadvertently hit
a nerve. I also decided to give him another moment or two and enjoy my food while he
sulked. The meat was so tender I didn’t even have to use my knife on it and it melted in my
mouth. I hadn’t realised that I’d voiced my appreciation in a moan, but when Cam looked up
at me with an amused sparkle in his green eyes, I knew I’d made my delight known.
“It is good,” I said.
“It must be if it induces orgasmic moans while you eat it.”
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“I didn’t make orgasmic moans!”
“Did.”
“Did not.”
I recognised his attempt at saving the situation, and I welcomed it. He’d finally broken
the ice with his teasing and it became a lot easier to talk. Cam paid attention to what I told
him and, if I left his personal preferences aside, he was happy to discuss a wide range of the
usual small talk topics. Before I knew it, we had finished our main course and I still felt as
though the evening had only just started.
“Would you care for some dessert?” I offered. I watched Cam’s throat ripple as he
swallowed a sip of his wine. I couldn’t help it. After the wrong-footed start, the evening had
taken a wonderful turn and my initial magical attraction to him had returned stronger than
ever before. I wanted him. I didn’t care about Keith or my restrictions anymore. Maybe Cyn
was right and it was time I acted as though I was in an open relationship. Keith certainly
wouldn’t have hesitated, so why should I?
Cam caught and correctly interpreted my gaze. A slow, playful smile spread across his
face. “I know what you’re trying to do, Nathan, and I appreciate it but you don’t have to do
it.” He shifted in his chair to lean across the table. “No need to keep wining and dining me.
The deal stands. Cyn bought me for the night. We can leave now and you can take me to bed.
All you have to do is say the word.”
Once again he managed to dim my good mood a little as I realised that while I’d
thought he was enjoying our easy conversation, he’d merely steered us back into waters he
was more comfortable navigating.
“Thank you for your candour. In fact, now that you started it, how about some more?”
His eyes narrowed. “Huh?”
“Did you know what Cynthia had in mind?”
“She only said she wanted to book me for the night, if that’s what you want to know.”
“Doesn’t it feel weird?”
“What?”
“Well, she…booking you for me.”
Cam frowned. “You’re confusing me. What do you mean exactly? Being bought as a
present or being bought for you?”
I winced at his choice of words, but I’d just have to get used to it, wouldn’t I?
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“Well, I know you had a couple of, um, dates with Cyn and I’m her friend. Doesn’t that
make it weird?”
Cam raised his glass for a sip before he answered. “No. Not really. If the two of you are
okay with sharing me, why should I have a problem?”
“What about…what you said after the last time?” The memory of the rejection still
stung, but I had to know.
“I told you that I don’t mind seeing you again.”
“As long as you get paid for it.”
He shrugged and let out a soft sigh. “I am what I am, Nathan. No point sugar-coating
it.”
“Hm. She never told me how much she pays you, just that she thinks you’re worth
every penny. How much do you charge for a whole night?”
Cam didn’t bat an eyelid. “I don’t think she’d be too pleased if I spilled the beans about
how much her present is worth.”
“No, probably not,” I agreed. “Especially not if it’s such an appealing present. And
since you’re such a valuable present, I intend to make the most of this night. I’m in no
particular hurry to take you to bed.”
His knowing grin nearly undid me, but I forced myself to plough on. I couldn’t show
him how much I fancied him. Waving my hands, I indicated the table between us. “Why is it
so hard to believe that this is exactly what I would like to do with you, Cam? That I actually
enjoy talking to you instead of just taking you to bed?”
He shrugged. “Just saying it so we’re clear. No offence. And anyway, it’s your time.”
“Right. My time, so no need for you to think about it. Think about dessert instead—
would you like some?”
Cam smiled, showing both his dimples and his set of perfect white teeth. “Dessert
sounds tempting, but I don’t think I should. The food was delicious and so is the wine, but I
fear that I’ll just fall asleep on you if my comfort level gets any higher. But don’t let that stop
you. You look like you want something sweet and sticky.”
“Hmm.” His words brought an idea to my mind. “Maybe I’ll just get the dessert to go
and eat it off your naked body later. What do you think?”
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“I think you shouldn’t pick ice cream,” Cam deadpanned and I gripped the edge of the
table until my fingers ached to keep me from making a lunge for him. We shared the rest of
the wine while we waited for my dessert to be prepared and packed.
The atmosphere between us had undeniably changed. The careful politeness had
turned into full-scale flirting. I was mad about him, and I no longer cared if he knew it. If I
was a fool for him, then at least I should have the guts to act accordingly and make the most
of it. Somewhere along the line I’d got used to the thought that I wouldn’t have to worry
about the progress of the evening. If what had been said earlier hadn’t made him change his
mind, then he wouldn’t do so now. This wasn’t an average date where I might still end up in
an empty bed. Cam was going home with me and he was going to do what I asked him to.
We were adults and the choice of what would happen between us was all mine.
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Chapter Four
I was glad the restaurant was within walking distance of my home. I found it hard
enough to keep my hands off Cam as we took the short walk. Being locked up in the close
confinements of a taxi would have been torture.
My self-control wavered when we got through the door. Dropping the bag with the
dessert, I shoved Cam against the door and kissed him hard. He caught his breath quickly
and responded with fervour, pushing back when I rubbed against him. We’d been there
before, and this time was no less intense than the first.
“I think I like my present,” I whispered against his mouth.
“I’m glad you do.”
“Is it time for me to unwrap it now? Find out what’s underneath your clothes?”
“If you want.” Tilting his hips, he offered himself to my touch. “This is all yours.”
“Oh, my.” I licked my lips and undid the buttons on Cam’s suit jacket. I slipped my
hands into it and followed the line of his belt to the perfect swell of his arse. I cupped his
buttocks briefly, then moved my hands higher and pushed the jacket back over his
shoulders. The buttons on his shirt were next. He didn’t move, just stood and let me undress
him. The garment fell to the floor with a soft rustle of fabric. His skin gleamed like silver silk
in the soft moon light that fell in through a window.
I looked at him, taking in every bulge, curve and line of his torso. There was a mole on
his collarbone, right where it ended at the base of his throat. I leaned in to kiss it. “You’re so
fucking beautiful, and all mine—at least for tonight,” I whispered, soaking up the heat of his
body and inhaling the scent I remembered so well—the scent that had lingered on my sheets
for more than a week. I noticed a faint, silvery scar near his shoulder and tried to caress that,
too, but he jerked and I let it go. There was enough of him for me to explore.
“You’re going to just let me have you again, aren’t you?” I made a point of brushing a
kiss on every inch of skin I could reach. “Let me take that beautiful body of yours. Any way I
want, right?”
“Uh, yes.” Cam’s voice had gone tight, I noticed to my pleasure. Good, that would
make it easier. Standing behind him, I undid his belt. He was hard. I brushed his package
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42
through the thin fabric of his underwear as I opened his fly, then I cupped him. Groaning, he
pressed his arse into my groin. I bit his shoulder.
“Fuck, Nate,” he moaned. “No marks.”
“Sorry.” I wasn’t. I would’ve marked every inch of him if I’d had my way. I pushed his
trousers past his hips, then knelt to peel them off him. His arse was right in front of my face
and I nipped one smooth buttock. His protest made me chuckle. Straightening up, I leant
back to admire his gloriously naked body. He was just too gorgeous with all those long, taut
lines and firm muscles. I ached for him.
“Bedroom. Remember the way?”
He gave me a curious look over his shoulder then turned and headed down the hall. I
followed him, shedding my own clothes along the way.
“Get on the bed, baby,” I ordered. “On your back.”
Cam lay down and I got on the bed with him, straddling his hips. “So smooth,” I
whispered, running my fingers over his tightly ribbed abs. “So hard.” Sitting up, I increased
the pressure on his dick until he sucked in a sharp breath.
“So sensitive.” I leant forwards and tweaked his nipples, then I rubbed them gently to
ease the sting. He moaned and shuddered. “Like that, do you?” I teased.
Cam cleared his throat. “How do you want me?” His voice was a seductive, silky purr,
but the words made me cringe.
“Huh?”
“How do you want me?”
Bracing my hands on either side of his head, I bent down until our mouths nearly met.
“I want you to not concentrate on getting me off. I want to make this slow, baby. I want to
taste you, want to feel you, want to hear you—and I want you to enjoy it.” I moved again,
riding the hard ridge that was trapped between our bodies.
He bucked. “Fuck, Nathan—”
I silenced him with a kiss. “Don’t give me that bullshit about it being my call again,
please. This is my call. This is what I want. This time, I want you to enjoy it.”
“Nate, please. I… Don’t start again.” His voice was breathless and hoarse.
“I won’t. I’m just trying to make you understand what I want from you tonight. What
you’re getting paid for. When was the last time you had sex with someone just because you
both wanted it?”
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“That doesn’t matter.”
“When, Cam?”
“It’s been a while.”
“What do you like?”
His eyebrows went up, but he didn’t answer.
“Come on, tell me. What do you like?” I insisted and tweaked Cam’s nipples once
more. “I know you like this, but I don’t suppose you’ll want me to just play with your
nipples the whole night. So tell me, how do you want me to make you come?”
Cam looked positively baffled. “I, uh, I don’t know. I, ungh…” Biting his lip, he
unsuccessfully tried to stifle a moan. “I don’t really have any particular preferences.”
“Oh, don’t be daft. Of course you have. Just so you know—I’m not going to let you out
of this without getting to watch you come. If you don’t tell me what you like, I’ll just have to
find out myself. Let’s see…” I paused and took in every detail of his beautiful body as I tried
to assess him. His chest heaved with shallow breaths and his stomach muscles quivered.
Goose bumps decorated his flanks, just above the hip bones. “Want me to suck you off?”
I trailed my hand over him, reached down between us and brushed the head of Cam’s
trapped cock lightly with my fingers. Cam shuddered delicately. He let out a soft moan but
didn’t try to move into my touch. He remained passive, offering me his body as playground.
I wasn’t sure if he thought that was what I wanted or just didn’t know what to do.
“Do you want me to fuck you like the last time?” He didn’t resist when I shifted to sit
between his legs, then made my way past his balls and farther back, teasing him as I slid my
fingers over sensitive skin and finally rested them against his hole. “Maybe…my mouth
around your cock and my finger inside you? Would you like that?” I pushed my fingertip
against the tight little opening, just enough to let Cam feel the pressure on his muscle but not
enough to breach him. This time, Cam groaned and tilted his hips, arching to meet me.
“Like that?” I invaded him gently, watching him. His eyelids fluttered, then closed and
a low humming sound escaped his throat. I pushed a little deeper, drawing a soft moan from
him. Yes, he liked that.
“Want more?”
Cam’s breath hitched and he ran his tongue across his bottom lip, distracting me. I
wanted to kiss him so badly, but more than that I wanted him to enjoy this.
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“Say it. Tell me what you want me to do to you,” I whispered, keeping my finger right
where it was. I was determined to make Cam ask for what he wanted and to give him exactly
that. Just that, not what I wanted. Cam still didn’t answer, but he had opened his eyes again
and was looking at me. A frown creased his forehead and he seemed to be searching my eyes
for the answer to a question only he knew.
I offered him a smile. “I won’t stop until you’ve had your share of fun. Let me make this
good for you.” Cam held my gaze and swallowed. His cock was hard and flushed, straining
from his groin. He was so turned on, and I could almost see his resistance falter. A little
wiggle of my finger made him gasp and writhe. I’d found the small nub inside him and
nudged it again. “Want to come like this, baby?” I asked him. “With only my finger inside
you, rubbing you all the ways that make you scream or do you want my cock? Come on,
Cam, tell me. You’re not going to get more than this unless you tell me what you want. And
I’ve got all night to play with you.”
“Oh fuck, Nate!” Cam groaned. “You’re killing me. All right, you win. Suck me, please,
and make that two fingers and some lube.”
“See, wasn’t that hard now, was it, sweetheart?” I shot him a wink when he tried to
glare at me despite his obvious state of arousal. I reached for the lube and he didn’t need
more encouragement than that. Hooking his hands under his knees, Cam pulled his legs up
and apart, baring himself to me. My own arousal kicked in so fast it made my head spin and
my groin ache with desire, but it would have to wait. I slicked both my hands and watched
Cam’s expression as I pushed two fingers into him, hoping that I was right and he could take
it so fast. He could. His body opened up easily, even as I spread my fingers to stretch him
wider.
Closing my other hand around his shaft, I stroked him until he trembled, then I leant
down and wrapped my lips around it. He tensed and his legs on either side of me twitched,
but he didn’t protest. I tasted him, his unique salty flavour, as I swirled my tongue to savour
it right from the source. His groan sounded more urgent, and a stream of quiet, breathless
gasps followed. Tightening my grip around him, I bobbed my head. His hips jerked in
response and he pushed deeper into my throat, all earlier doubts seemingly forgotten. I let
him get on with it, allowed him to thrust into my throat until he nearly choked me. It didn’t
take much for him to come. I could feel the tightening of his muscles around my fingers a
few heartbeats before the pulsations started in his cock and his hot juice splashed onto my
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tongue and the roof of my mouth. He yelled and pushed up once more, then drew back,
cringing and twisting away from me. Letting go, I stroked him in long, soothing lines along
his thigh and hip. There was still so much I would’ve loved to do with him, so much about
his gorgeous body that I had yet to discover, but I didn’t want to spoil his moment of
afterglow.
I crawled up on the bed. Spooning behind him, I wrapped my arm around his belly and
drew him tight. My face rested against his neck and the short, soft hairs at the back of his
head tickled my nose. It was a magical moment, so full of intimacy and relaxation. While my
groin still sizzled with that peculiar sensation only arousal caused, my own erection hadn’t
survived. And it was okay. I wanted Cam to rest, and I wanted to share those silent, peaceful
minutes with him.
The peace didn’t last for long. I was just about to doze off when Cam shifted in my arms
and turned around. “Tired?”
I dragged my eyes open. There had definitely been a little laughter in his voice and yes,
there was a playful sparkle in his eyes.
“Just taking a rest to let you regain your strength.”
Cam chuckled. “Think I’m gonna need it?”
“Oh, definitely. You didn’t think I was done with you yet, did you?”
“Well, you know…with you lying there like that…” Cam’s eyes were mocking me
openly now.
“Think I can’t keep up with you, do you?”
“I know one shouldn’t be assuming things too easily,” he taunted. He had started to rub
his foot along my calf and now he hooked his leg over mine, using the leverage to pull
himself closer. I bit back a gasp. He felt so good against me, and the light brush of his groin
on my cock went a long way to restoring the erection I’d lost earlier.
“Oh, ha-ha, funny,” I ground out. “Maybe I should give you something worth
assuming then.”
He smiled and raised his leg even higher, almost to my hip. “Hmm. What’s that?”
“The next position.” I pushed up and over until Cam was flat on his back and I lay half
on top of him, with his thigh trapped between my legs. I knew how to tease, too. Trailing my
hands along Cam’s flank, I soaked up the feel of him. He was silky, warm and perfect. I
wanted him so badly it hurt, but I didn’t know how to ask for it. Would he consider it an
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order? Feel obliged to fulfil my wish, because he’d been paid to do so? I’d never had a
problem enjoying what was given to me willingly, but the dilemma with Cam was, I didn’t
know whether he wanted it.
“Let’s see,” I whispered against his lips. “What should I do with this gorgeous beauty
in my bed, huh? Maybe I should treat that pretty dick of yours to some more attention,
seeing as it stands up and asks so nicely. See how good your stamina is.” I lowered my head
and kissed him as I sneaked my hand into the space between our bodies. He was hard again,
his erection a firm pressure against my hip, and he let out a deep, appreciative moan when I
nudged the tip of his shaft.
“Maybe I should suck you and play with your balls until you scream. How about that?”
I shifted to make room for my hand and rubbed Cam’s erection until his breath came in
harsh, shallow pants. His stomach muscles quivered and I knew his arousal was genuine, but
asking for what I really wanted still made me feel like a shabby pervert. “Maybe…maybe I
could fuck you. What do you think?” I slid my hand farther down to cup his balls and stroke
the soft skin behind them with one fingertip. He spread his legs.
“I…oh, fuck, yeah, I think you should just make up your mind and get started—
unghh.” He arched up, pressing that hard cock into my hand. I couldn’t resist. His body said
go, loud and clearly, and now he’d confirmed it with his words, so why shouldn’t I take
what he was offering?
“Smartarse.” I withdrew my hand and shifted to kneel between Cam’s thighs. The
condom was on within seconds, followed by a nice thick layer of lube. Cam watched me
from underneath his lashes, seemingly unworried when I moved to push in without giving
him further preparation. He was so warm and welcoming. His thighs enveloped me and his
erection pushed into my belly. His breath caressed my shoulder and my skin tingled where it
touched his. I couldn’t move or it would’ve been over before it had begun, but he just smiled
and pulled one leg up to give me better access. Taking him up on the invitation, I thrust into
him, careful at first then harder when I understood that Cam’s body was ready for me. I
lifted his other leg up so it came to rest on my shoulder and I found my rhythm, all the time
watching his face and the arousal in those half-closed green eyes.
We took our time. I alternated the speed, slow and sensual to hard and fast, and he gave
me everything I asked for. He was responsive, but never fought me for control. I was in
charge and I enjoyed it. I closed my fist around Cam’s erection, using some of his pre-cum to
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slick him up, and rubbed him in time with my thrusts. He groaned, twitched and writhed
underneath me. His face was flushed and sweat formed glistening beads on his forehead. He
was a fucking beautiful sight. I imagined watching us from the outside, his gorgeous body
almost folded in half, me ploughing into him over and over again while I jerked him off. My
orgasm burst out of me in great, shuddering jolts, leaving me rattled and shaking in its wake.
My arms buckled and I crashed on top of Cam.
When my brain remembered how to function, I was more than a bit surprised to find
that he hadn’t come. He’d been close, hadn’t he? Busy with my climax, I’d lost awareness of
him at some point, but his cock still prodded my belly. I pushed up on my elbows and
looked at him. “You okay?”
“Uh-huh,” Cam groaned.
“Sure?”
“Yeah, just…” Biting his lip, he turned his head away from me.
Something in my tired, satisfied brain clicked. “You…can’t, right?”
He swallowed and stared at the wall. “Sorry. Just…just give me a minute, will you?”
“Uh, sure. Um…” I didn’t know what to do. What did you do when a guy couldn’t
perform? Leave him to do his own thing or offer a hand? Well, offering him a hand hadn’t
been all that successful so far. “Anything I can do?”
He let out a humourless chuckle and shook his head. “Sorry, Nate, it’s not gonna
work.”
He shifted and I hurried to give him space to move. He was still hard, but I could tell by
his clenched jaw and narrowed lips that he was far from aroused.
“Sorry.”
He sat up and pushed his tousled hair back. His shrug was half-hearted and
accompanied by a weak snort. “Happens. Been holding back too long.”
“Have you?”
“Yeah. Weird how it can be so fucking hard not to come.”
“Is it?”
Cam nodded and rubbed his eyes.
“Harder than coming?”
“Sometimes.”
“I would have thought it was harder to come than not to,” I mused.
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He looked at me. “I’d say it depends, really.”
“On what?”
“How good the fuck is.” His voice was flat even though he quirked a smile. It didn’t
reach his eyes. “When a guy does it right, it can be bloody hard not to come.”
“Oh. So—”
“You did everything right, Nate. I just tried to make it last longer than I should have, so
it’s my own fault.”
Finally I understood. “Made it last longer than you should have or been using it too
much lately?”
“Shit.” Cam sighed and bit his lip. ”Let’s forget about it, okay?”
“But I don’t want to forget about it. I—”
“Right. Of course you don’t. But I do. Look, can I go take a shower? I’m sweaty and I
want to clean up. I’ll suck you off afterwards if you want, or you can fuck me again if that’s
what you prefer.”
Whatever had been left of any post coital bliss I’d experienced evaporated at his words.
I shuddered, but it wasn’t from the temperature. Toasty twenty-two degrees, and we’d
cranked up the heat quite a bit. “Bloody hell, Cam! I don’t want to fuck you again. What are
you thinking? Do you really—”
He held up a hand and I fell silent. “I just want to go to the bathroom now, okay?
Please?”
“Sure, go ahead. You still know your way around I suppose. Take your time.”
“Thanks.” He got out of bed and padded across the room.
“Towels are on the rack. They’re all fresh ones, so help yourself.”
“Thanks.”
I waited until I heard the shower start, then went to fetch clean sheets. Not that ours
were soiled exactly, but they felt filthy. I’d just had a taste of the downside of Cam’s job,
hadn’t I?
Cam took his time. He returned after almost a quarter of an hour, still naked and
flushed from the shower.
“I’ll take a quick shower too,” I told him. “Make yourself comfortable in the meantime
and get some rest.”
“How come you’re so concerned about me getting some rest?”
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“Well, just that it’s one o’clock already and you still need your beauty sleep at your
age.” I’d tried for a light and conversational tone and he did me the favour of playing along.
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, daddy.”
“Unless…you want to leave instead?” I didn’t want to let him go, but it was only fair to
offer him a way out.
A soft smile appeared on Cam’s face. Apparently I wasn’t doing a good job hiding my
thoughts. “I’m here for the night, Nate,” he said. “Unless you actually want me to leave, I’ll
stay until the morning. I just prefer getting cleaned up in between and… Well, I should be in
working order again soon.” He came to the bed and slipped between the sheets, stretching
like a cat. The noise he made sounded almost like a purr. “This is nice. Mind if I just enjoy it
for a bit?”
“Not at all.” I watched him shift and wriggle until he settled, then I went to the
bathroom. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d sneaked out in the meantime, but when I
returned, I found that he had dozed off. Curled up on his side, clutching one of the extra
pillows, Cam looked younger and more vulnerable than ever. I watched him sleep,
wondering how old he was and what made him sell his body. Was it the only option he saw
for himself? Or had he just made a bad choice?
I sighed, switched off the main light and got into bed next to Cam. Careful not to wake
him, I snuggled up to him. He seemed so vulnerable and I wanted to protect him and yes,
maybe I felt a bit possessive of him, too. I hated to think of all those other men—and
women—whose beds he’d shared. I tried to focus on the bed he shared with me right now
instead. It was nice to feel his warm body next to mine and I should have been tired enough
to fall asleep in an instant, but somehow sleep just wouldn’t come. I settled for holding Cam
and listening to his slow, regular breathing. I tried not to dwell on the images that kept
creeping up on me, but I failed. Cam in bed with faceless men. Did any of them hold him like
I did? Kick him out once their desire was satisfied? What about the women? I knew Cynthia
was happy to use him just for sex, but she’d also make him stay the night. Did they ask him
to cuddle them? What did he think of those demanded snuggles? My mind was running in
circles, and I was glad when Cam stirred in my embrace.
Whether he was simply not that exhausted after all or had felt someone else’s presence I
didn’t know. Either way, after just a little more than an hour his breathing changed and he
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turned around, blinking before he focused on me. He stifled a yawn. “Oops, sorry. Didn’t
mean to fall asleep.” He blinked again and rubbed his eyes.
“It’s all right,” I soothed. “Go back to sleep. You must be beat.”
“I’m not. I’m okay. Just…too relaxed, I guess. Too much to eat at dinner.” He gave a
weak smile.
“Poor man. Getting stuffed at dinner and then having to put up with—”
“More stuffing from you,” Cam finished for me. A naughty snicker played in his throat.
“I still wonder which I like better.”
I was far from in a playful mood, but I was happy to tag along and pretend, the way he
had just done. “Brat.” I slapped his hip.
“Ouch. You brute.”
“I’ll give you brute when I throw you over my shoulder and carry you away to ravish
you.”
“Oh really? And where would you carry me? Your bed is here unless I’m mistaken.
We’re already in it.”
“Good point, actually. Well, maybe I’ll just ravish you here instead.” I was ready to
smack myself across the cheeks, or perhaps bite off my tongue. I hadn’t intended to get us
there again, least of all so soon, but now the words were out. It wasn’t much, just a shift of
his position, a little change in the posture of his body, but I knew Cam was putting himself
on offer again. His sleepy relaxation was replaced by a sense of obligation to fulfil our deal.
“Cam.” I wanted him to understand. Needed him to know, in fact. “I was just teasing. I
didn’t mean that I want to do it.”
He didn’t bat an eyelid. “It’s okay if you do. After all, that’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?”
The complete lack of bitterness or reproach made his answer all the more difficult to digest. It
seemed he didn’t expect anything but to be used.
“No. No, it’s not what you’re here for. Maybe it’s what brought you here in the first
place, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t just unwind and sleep too. I’m not expecting you
to give me an all-night session, you know.”
He stuck his chin out. “It’s part of the deal.”
“Fine.” I wasn’t getting anywhere, so decided to change tactics. If Cam was determined
to do what I wanted all night long then I’d just make him talk for a while. “Are you honestly
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telling me that your side of the deal includes doing not only what I want, but doing it the
entire night? Literally?”
Cam sighed. “Not literally. I don’t think that’s humanly possible, at least not without
chemical aids and I’m not a big friend of that. If I agree to a night, it means making my
customer happy as often as they can and want in that one night. I don’t keep count. If they’re
satisfied and want to go to sleep after the first round, it’s okay. If they want to do it once
every hour, I’ll do my best to comply.”
“Then why can’t you accept that I’m happy with what I got so far?”
“Because it wasn’t exactly one of my best performances ever.”
“So? You’re just a guy. It can happen. Hell, it’s happened to me.”
He took a long, slow breath. “You don’t know the rules. It’s your call, Nate. If you say
you’re done and you just want us to go to sleep, that’s one thing. If it’s what you want from
me, I’ll do it. Me just falling asleep is not doing what you paid for, so I shouldn’t have done
it.”
“But you’re tired.”
“I’m good.”
“Okay. But what if you’re so tired you just can’t stay awake? Generally speaking.”
He gave me a long look then huffed out a breath. “It’s not acceptable. If it happened, I’d
either set up a new date to make up for it or I’d give the money back.”
“You are tired now,” I repeated.
“Not so much that I can’t stay awake.”
“So if I want to fuck you again or ask you to suck me off now, you’ll just do it?”
Cam let out an impatient sigh. “It’s what I keep telling you. It’s your call. You say what
you want and I do it. It’s as simple as that.”
“Even though you’re tired.”
“Even when I’m tired.”
I watched him, tried to read his thoughts, but his face gave nothing away. I sighed.
“I don’t get it, Cam. What if you don’t like what I ask of you?”
“If it’s one of my no-gos, I won’t do it.”
“You still haven’t told me what they are.”
“Because there’s no need to.”
“How can you be so sure?”
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“For fuck’s sake, Nathan.” Cam rolled his eyes. “No restraints, humiliation, water
sports or the likes, pain or anything that causes marks, although I’ll play rough and take a
few bruises if it happens. And I never do it bare, as you know. Anything else I’ll do,
depending on the price.”
“Anything else?” I mused, thinking of some of the more deviant scenes I had seen in
porn movies. The alluring and the unsavoury kind. “Threesome?”
Cam snorted. “Sure, but where do you want to find the third person now?”
“I’m just asking. So you’ve done that, I assume.”
“I have.”
“More than three?” Yes, I was curious. It was a kind of morbid fascination that made
me want to know. The wish to understand, even though I would probably never be able to
understand why he did what he did.
He watched me with raised eyebrows. “Do you want me to tell you about all the ways
I’ve had sex or do you actually want to have some yourself?”
“I’m curious. You make me feel like I’m seriously lacking experience.”
“That’s crap and you know it. This isn’t a competition.” He smirked and tilted his head.
“It turns you on to talk about it, doesn’t it? You wanna do dirty, but you don’t know what
you’re ready for, right?”
I squirmed. He wasn’t so far from the truth with that, I had to admit. Although I’d had
my share of experiences, there were things I hadn’t tried yet. Things I didn’t know how to
ask for and that made me wince just thinking about. And yet, I was fascinated.
“You didn’t answer the last question.”
Cam was probably well aware that I hadn’t answered his question, but apparently he
was willing to let it slip.
“More than three? Yeah, I’ve done that. A couple of orgies and gang bangs.”
“What’s it like?”
“It’s actually quite enjoyable. Unless you end up being the one bottom in a room full of
tops.” Catching my eye, and interpreting my thoughts correctly, he grinned. “Been there,
done that. Couldn’t walk straight for days.”
“You really have no limits, have you?” I was shocked, yet enthralled.
“Oh, I have. They’re just…stretched pretty far.”
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“Would you, um, rim a guy?” Just one of those things I kept fantasising about, although
I’d never brought it up with any of my previous lovers.
Cam’s eyes narrowed. “Get up.”
“What?”
“Get up,” he repeated and wriggled down on the bed.
I shuddered. “Cam, that was just a question, I wasn’t seriously asking… You’re not… I
mean, you wouldn’t really…?”
“There’s just one way to find that out, isn’t there?”
Torn between a sense of inappropriateness and fascination, I let Cam flip me onto my
stomach. Was he really going to do this?
Apparently he was. His hands were on my arse. He kneaded my cheeks and dug into
my flesh with strong fingers then trailed his thumbs along the cleft and brushed my hole. I
groaned. I was dizzy with anticipation and sudden arousal and the unknown gave me a
thrill.
So far Cam had let me take control, but just as having to tilt my head up for kissing,
Cam taking charge like this sent my blood rushing to my groin. Behind me, Cam moved, his
grip shifted and I was spread open. I shivered, but not from the brush of cool air on my most
intimate parts. I couldn’t really let this happen, could I? This was something people only did
in films, not something real people did, right?
The first touch of Cam’s wet tongue on my skin almost made me jump off the bed in
embarrassment, but soon the light, playful licks he applied helped me overcome my
discomfort. It felt rather sensational. I moaned again as Cam started drawing tiny circles
around my hole, moving ever so slowly but definitely closing in on the centre.
He backed off a little and blew on my moist, exposed skin. Shivers sparked up and
down my spine. I gasped and bit my lip to keep myself from screaming.
“Ready for more?” Cam whispered.
“Oh, fuck, yes!” I would have begged, but he took mercy on me. He made contact with
my body again. He caressed me with flicks that were as light as a butterfly’s wings, teasing
my muscle without breaching me. I moaned, helpless. It felt too good, the sensation was
damn near overwhelming. Cam’s tongue was soft and strong, supple and unyielding at the
same time and he fluttered over my opening again and again, playing, preparing, exciting
me beyond belief. My cock was so hard I could have drummed a nail into the wall with it.
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My fingers ached from clutching the sheets and my insides seemed to turn into hot liquid. It
was exquisite.
At last Cam dipped into me. He probed and licked, then slowly fucked me. I couldn’t
remember ever having been this turned on. He kept going, stimulating me with tongue and
lips and—oh fucking hell, yes!—teeth. I gasped and rocked back, meeting his strokes. I
wanted him so much, and I needed more, craved something bigger, a stronger stimulation. It
seemed Cam could read my mind. The pressure on my hole increased as he added a finger. It
felt sensational. Moving inside me, Cam skilfully searched for the right spot and rubbed it
softly as soon as he found it. I writhed and twitched. I’d been fucked and I’d had my prostate
stimulated more than once, but this was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I wanted it
to go on forever, yet could barely stand the intensity of it. Just when I thought I couldn’t take
it anymore, the pressure let up a little and he allowed me to catch my breath. I whined my
protest at the emptiness. I wanted more, not less. The sense of fullness returned as Cam
shoved two fingers into me, opening me wider than before.
The swift intrusion stung, but Cam licked gently at the skin that was stretched so nicely
around his fingers. He kept going until I was reduced to a shaking, whimpering heap of
needy flesh. I’d started sobbing, unable to restrain myself any longer. He’d stripped me of all
control with just his mouth and those magic fingers. One of them firmly nudged my over-
sensitised gland and without warning, my world exploded in a powerful, all-eclipsing
orgasm. I screamed and thrashed and was only faintly aware of Cam’s strong arms holding
me upright until everything around me was beginning to return. It was sensational, but it
wasn’t nearly enough. I was out of breath and buzzing everywhere, but I still wanted more. I
needed more. “Fuck me, Cam,” I begged as soon as I had enough air to speak. “Please, oh,
please fuck me!”
Cam hesitated a moment. “Sure?” I could hear the doubt in his voice.
“Yeah.” I was well past the point of worrying about what impression I made so it was
easy for me to just stick out my arse a bit farther, begging Cam to take me with my entire
body. A barely suppressed moan betrayed Cam’s own arousal and he was quick with the
condom and the lube. He took just enough time to squirt some of the cool jelly right into my
hole before he entered me. I tensed. My wit had returned enough for me to share his worry. I
knew the intrusion could hurt, now that I’d already come, but Cam invaded me gently,
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holding back until my body realised that it was indeed ready for him. He filled me up so
snugly, so completely as if he’d been made just for me.
“Fuck, you’re big.”
Cam laughed quietly. “You take it well, though. Wanna go harder?”
“Mm-hmm.”
He tightened his grip on my hips, keeping me in place as he pounded my arse so hard
and deep I expected to be able to taste him any moment. The sense of fulfilment was so
strong I couldn’t help venting it in a long string of needy whimpers, too lost to be able to
form words. I finally understood what being fucked stupid meant. Cam kept the pace up
until we both were breathless and panting then he gripped my long-neglected shaft and
jerked me off. Caught between Cam’s merciless dick in my arse and the vice-like grip of the
hand around my cock, I felt an improbable second orgasm build. I was flying. The world
disappeared once again and there was nothing left but the fire burning in my veins, the heat
where Cam’s body moved with mine and our combined harsh gasps in my ears. I lost all
sense of time and space, but eventually the awareness of my surroundings returned.
Apparently I had crashed on the bed at some point. Cam was behind me. He was warm
and sticky with sweat, and glued to my back, his strong arms wrapped around me. He
trailed random circles on my belly with gentle fingertips, so he was obviously still awake.
I turned around to take a look. The movements of his hand stopped, but his eyes were
still closed, his features relaxed and his breath came and went slowly. He looked so peaceful
and at ease. “Gosh, you’re beautiful,” I whispered without thinking.
He opened one dark green eye and peered at me. “Thanks. Thought you’d fallen
asleep.”
“More like passed out, I suppose.”
The hint of a frown crossed his face then the lines smoothed over again. “Nah, you
didn’t. Not really. Though you did have me worried for a moment or two.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. You needed it.”
“I guess so.” I grinned. “That was amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard in my
entire life. Or twice in such short succession, for that matter. And you didn’t even touch my
dick that first time.”
Cam smirked. “Didn’t need to, did I?”
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“No, apparently not. I didn’t really shoot though. Pretty weird.”
“I think it’s ‘cause the stimulation that leads to the orgasm is different. Don’t worry,
there’s nothing wrong with you. Happens to me sometimes, too.”
“I didn’t think I could come just from being fucked.”
“I didn’t even fuck you, just wriggled my fingers and tongue a bit. Damn, you’re so
easy,” Cam teased, then laughed at the indignant stare I shot him. He kissed the top of my
head. “Glad it was good for you, baby.”
“Oh, it was. Was it good for you, too?”
“Yeah. No worries, all back in working order.”
“Good. I’m glad. But you know what?”
“Huh?”
“I’m starved. I think I’ll just go get that dessert now.”
He laughed. “Pig.”
I winked at him, rolled out of bed and went into the kitchen. I felt amazing. My muscles
were sore and weak as they would be after a good work out, and I was deeply relaxed and in
high spirits at the same time. I made coffee and took two cups, two spoons and the bowl with
the chocolate pudding back into the bedroom. Cam sat up and accepted the coffee with a
grateful smile. I dumped the dessert on the nightstand and slipped back under the duvet,
wincing as soreness bit me in the arse. Literally.
“Bit tender, are you?” Cam gave me a knowing look.
“Well, I think I’ve every right to. That was one hell of a fuck, you smug bastard, and it’s
been a while.”
“Ooh, poor baby,” Cam cooed. “Has it?”
“Yes.”
“How long?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Just curious.” A naughty and very cute grin played on his face.
I sighed and sipped some coffee before I answered. It wasn’t that embarrassing, was it?
“I think the last time was at some point in May.”
“What?” Cam laughed. “That’s almost a year, Nate! Didn’t you say you had a
boyfriend? What do you do with him? Play cards?”
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My cheeks flushed. “I have a boyfriend. That was just the last time I bottomed, not the
last time I had sex at all,” I informed him and my face promptly cranked up the heat another
notch or two.
“Oh, so you prefer to top?”
“Not really. It’s just…Keith isn’t into anal sex. He thinks it’s yucky. And before
him…well, it’s easier not to be the receptive partner when you don’t know someone that
well, I guess. Although you don’t seem to have a problem with it.”
Cam shrugged. “I don’t. Or maybe I’m just used to it.”
“Do you get to bottom a lot?”
“Most of the time, actually.”
“Really? But you’re tall, handsome and smart—I would’ve thought that would make
you the designated top for a lot of guys.”
Cam’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, well, for a lot of guys it also makes it all the more exciting
to top me. Getting to fuck a guy who’s taller than they are really does it for some of them.”
“Which do you prefer?”
“I don’t have a preference. It’s good to get fucked by a guy who knows what he’s doing
just as it’s good to have someone give you their body.”
“But you don’t get to choose which you do, do you?”
He sighed. “No, I don’t. Look, Nate, we’ve been there before. I do what the job requires.
That’s just the way it is and even if I don’t get to choose the position, that doesn’t mean I
can’t still enjoy it.”
“You can’t fake it, so you have to enjoy it, right?”
The muscles in his jaw tensed. “No, I can’t fake it. If a trick wants to see me shoot, I
deliver.”
I squirmed. “You make it sound so simple.”
“Yeah. Just that it isn’t always, as you know.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
I knew he had understood the reference to his earlier mishap. His thin-lipped, jaw-
locked expression said it all, but he remained silent. I didn’t want to rush him, so I waited
until he had finished his coffee and set the cup aside. “It becomes simple after a while.” His
voice was as void of emotion as his eyes were. “And you worry about it far too much. Just
accept that this is the way it is.”
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“I just don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do,” I told him.
“You don’t, Nate. I appreciate your concern, but it’s unnecessary. Aren’t you going to
eat your pudding?”
“Oh, right. Sure.” I picked up the bowl and offered Cam a spoon. “Would you like to
share now?”
“Thank you, but no. I’m not really into sweet stuff that much.”
“Anything else?”
Cam shook his head. “I’m fine, thanks. Just enjoy your dessert.”
I took a spoonful and silently enjoyed how the rich chocolaty flavours danced on my
tongue. It was delicious. I spooned up some more and offered it to Cam, who took it with a
resigned sigh. The sigh turned into a moan. “Well, I must admit this is really good. Wow.”
He licked his lips.
“More?”
He glanced at me, the bowl and the spoon in my hand. “Okay. Just one more. I’ve had
too much to eat tonight as it is.”
I fed him another bite and watched the delighted expression on his face as he savoured
the sweet stuff. “Cam? Would you shift down a bit and lie on your back?”
“Sure. Why?”
“Well, I did say I wanted to eat this off your naked body, didn’t I?”
“What? Oh.” Cam sounded surprised, but he obliged and lay on his back, arms to the
side and legs slightly spread to give me room to move.
“Just indulge me. You’re gorgeous, you know,” I said, as I scooped up some of the dark
chocolate. “But I think you’ll look even more delicious with a bit of this on you.” I placed two
blobs of the sticky substance on each of Cam’s nipples and a few more, smaller ones in a line
down to his groin. Cam held perfectly still until I started to lick the pudding off him.
I dipped my tongue in over and over, spreading the dessert farther on Cam’s chest
before I licked it off in light flicks, giving his nipples a lot of attention. When I had teased
both of them into tight little buds I sucked them into my mouth again one after the other
until Cam moaned and tried to wriggle away.
Giving him time to come back down a bit, I worked my way down his stomach, lapping
at and then scooping up each little heap of chocolate luxury. I stretched up and fed Cam bits
of the mousse from my mouth. He accepted it, and each feeding session turned into a horny,
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chocolate-flavoured tangle of tongues. He watched with half-closed, lust-glazed eyes as I
explored every inch of his wonderful body I could reach. I made mental notes of each
erogenous zone I discovered along the way. Cam’s left hip definitely was a hot spot, as was
the soft bit of skin where his hip and thigh met.
At the end of the journey, I took a particularly large blob of mousse and dumped it
right on the head of his cock. Cam twitched and hissed at the contact. I spread the gooey
chocolate on his shaft and most of his balls before bending down to lick it off with long,
deliberate swipes of my tongue. When I looked up this time, Cam was clearly hanging on by
no more than a thread. His face was flushed and he sucked in his breath in desperate little
gasps through half-parted lips, still watching me. I darted out my tongue again and again,
licking him clean inch by delicious inch.
“Condom…” Cam warned.
“It’s okay, baby.”
“No, really, you shouldn’t…don’t… Oh, fuck that’s good!”
“Will you let it go if I’m not gonna swallow?” I teased his slit with one fingertip, just a
little pressure to the tiny opening that wept tears of clear, salty pre-cum for me. It was nice to
watch Cam rapidly lose coherency and I decided to take his incomprehensible mumble as an
affirmation.
I took him in, let the thick head of his cock slide over the pillow I had created for it with
my tongue. I sucked him in deeper, until my nose brushed his belly. He was shaved, not a
hair on him down there and I loved it. I pulled off and nibbled along his shaft, down to
where it met his body, then bit the small patch of skin.
He grunted.
“Like it?”
“Fuck, yeah.”
“Good. Let’ see if I can make you chuck some custard to go with the choc.” I returned to
my mouthful of chocolate flavoured dick, bobbing my head and sucking him until he
groaned a long series of husky sighs. I cupped his balls, squeezed and rolled them gently,
then I trailed my fingers farther down, to his cleft. Spreading him a little, I pushed one finger
in. I’d managed to slick it up with some spat in between sucking Cam’s dick and it slipped in
fairly easily.
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“Oh yes, oh God…fuck, fuck, fuck, unghhh!” He twisted, but this time it was to meet
the intrusion and I pushed deeper, stroking the satiny walls of his insides while a litany of
incomprehensible words streamed from his mouth. I watched him as I pleasured him, so I
could tell the exact moment his brain shut down and lost control over his body. Cam was
gone, lost to sensation and pleasure. His eyes were squeezed shut and he had gone still.
There was no movement other than the occasional twitch of a muscle that he probably
wasn’t even aware of. It was amazing to watch him caught up in arousal like that and I let
him enjoy the ride for as long as it would last, keeping the stimulation on his shaft and
prostate up. His orgasm started with an innocent curling of his toes, then the muscles in his
legs twitched and soon his entire body jerked and shuddered from the sheer intensity of his
climax. The only sound he made was a low, humming groan that seemed to remain trapped
deep in his chest.
I didn’t pull back. I kept stroking him throughout, supporting him through the soar, the
aftershocks and back down. It took a while for his breathing to slow to normal and I pulled
the sheets up to keep him warm. Within minutes, I felt Cam’s breathing deepen and his
muscles go limp as he surrendered to sleep.
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Chapter Five
The sun was shining brightly outside when Cam stirred and opened his eyes.
“Good morning, beautiful.” I was well aware of the silly grin on my face that probably
made me look like the cat that had got the cream. Well, I had got cream. Quite a lot of it,
actually. “Coffee? You look like you need it.”
“I…guess.” Cam rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his tousled hair before he
managed to focus on the cup I offered him. “Thanks. Oh, and happy birthday.”
“Thank you.”
Silence lingered for a moment, then Cam asked, “What time is it?”
“Just after nine.”
“Fuck.” He sounded annoyed, but he looked too tired to be really upset about it.
“Don’t worry, it’s okay,” I said. “I didn’t know if you had to be somewhere, but you
didn’t say anything last night, so I thought I’d just let you lie in.”
He gulped down some coffee. “I don’t have to be anywhere. Not until tonight, anyway.
You?”
Shaking my head, I settled on the bed. “Nn-nn. I’ll have to start working on an article
eventually, but that’s it. Plenty of time.” I smiled and leant down for a quick kiss. “Did you
sleep well?”
“Hmm, much too well.” Cam stifled a yawn. “Shouldn’t have spoilt me like that.”
“If this is you starting to complain about me letting you get some rest then you might as
well save your breath. If it’s any consolation to you, I couldn’t have gone for another round
either.”
“But you didn’t—”
“Doesn’t matter, baby. Watching you fly like that was just as good, trust me. And after
what you did to me, I was as fucked out as I could possibly ask for.”
He gave a weak smile. “But I should have—”
“No, you should not have bugger all,” I cut him off again. “That was just about you,
okay? I wanted to make you feel good. You’re incredibly hot when you come and you totally
lost it last night, didn’t you?”
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He stared into his mug. “Yeah, it was intense, although I’m not sure I remember all that
much of it.”
“You don’t have to.” I kissed his forehead. “I’ll keep the memories, if you don’t mind.
Want breakfast?”
He shook his head and raised the mug. “Coffee’s fine. I really need a shower though, I
feel like I’ve been soaked in chocolate and I’m probably a bit smelly too.”
“You smell just fine, baby. Well-fucked. Matches your look, actually.”
I watched Cam crawl out of bed and walk to the bedroom door. He moved a little
gingerly. At the door he stopped and looked back at me. “Want to join me?”
I grinned. “Think we’ll get clean if I do?”
“Honestly, I’m still not so sure I can get it up at all today after that.” Cam indicated the
bed with a jerk of his head. “But I’ll wash your back if you want.”
“Oh, that sounds nice. Besides, I think you’re safe. For now.”
It turned out Cam had underestimated himself. He could get it up again and he also got
off while treating me to a blow job that was only a close second to the one he’d given me on
the day we’d met.
“Sure you don’t want breakfast?” I asked when we got dressed afterwards.
“I’m sure. Thanks for the offer, but I’m not much of a breakfast person.” He finished
doing up his trousers and picked up his shirt. His moves were reluctant, as if there was
something he wanted to say but didn’t know how to. At last he squared his shoulders and
looked at me. There was a frown on his face as he asked, “What the fuck was last night
about?”
I’d expected the question. With everything I’d learnt about him, I would have been
surprised if he hadn’t asked. “That, my darling, was about me having what I want.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes. I told you I wanted you to enjoy it and I think you did, didn’t you?”
He didn’t meet my eyes. “That’s not the point.”
“It is the point.”
“No, it’s not. It’s my job to…” He fell silent when I put a finger to his mouth.
“Cut it out, Cam. You told me about your work ethics before. I don’t want to hear it
again. This isn’t about your job. You’re so used to doing what people want that you forget
what you want. You meet their needs and neglect your own to the point where you forget
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what sex should be. It’s something special between two people. It’s something magical.
That’s what last night was about. I wanted you to feel that rather than to concentrate on the
mechanics.”
Cam studied me for several long heartbeats. I couldn’t work out what he was thinking.
His mouth was set in that thin-lipped line of contempt again, but his eyes were haunted.
Bewildered. “Do you really think it is?” His voice shook a little.
“What is what?”
“Sex. Something special.” He snorted. “Magical. Do you think it is?”
“It can be. It should be. Why? Don’t you?”
“Has it ever been that way for you?”
“Well, yes.” He’d avoided my question, but now comprehension dawned. It made me
sick. “But it hasn’t for you, has it? Not even last night.”
Cam didn’t answer, but the expression on his face told me everything I needed to know.
“How long,” I had to break off and swallow. There was a lump the size of a Stonehenge
obelisk in my throat. “How long have you been doing this job of yours?”
He started tugging his shirt in place with jerky movements. “Can we not talk about this
now, please?”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to. It’s nothing to do with… It doesn’t matter. Besides, you said
you didn’t want to hear any more about my job, didn’t you?”
I stared at him. A headache built, throbbing in my temples and forehead. I so didn’t
want to have to deal with this. I’d woken up feeling sensational and in the mood for some
smooching on the morning after a night of fantastic sex, not ready to face the woes of the
man I’d had the best sex ever with. But maybe that was the problem. “I don’t want you just
for your body and what you can do with it, Cam. Or the pleasure you can bring me.”
The torment in his eyes crushed my heart. “So what… What do you want from me
then?”
I slipped my hand under his chin and pushed his head up until he caved in and met my
eyes. “You’ve got an amazing body, but that’s not what I want. There’s more to you than sex.
I want to get to know the person you are.”
“Oh. I wonder what that boyfriend of yours would have to say to that.”
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“Keith? I have no idea. And I’m not sure I care all that much. We’ve only just started
going out and I don’t even know if it’s anything serious yet, but last night, what happened
between us—that was special for me and I think it was for you, too. It’s too good to let go
and I want to see where it takes us.”
“Nate…” He sighed and bit his lip.
“I’m serious.” I took a breath and admitted what had been on my mind ever since I’d
opened my eyes that morning. And even before that. “I’m falling for you, Cam. Seriously.”
“Fuck, Nathan.” Cam’s eyes hardened. They were like cold, bottomless lakes as he
turned away. “You shouldn’t. Seriously.”
“Why not?”
“Because there’s no point in it. You’re with someone and my heart is not for sale. Ever.”
Like his eyes, Cam’s voice had become emotionless but decisive.
“Doesn’t what we did mean something to you?”
Cam chuckled. It was a cold, cruel sound that filled my heart with dread. “We fucked,
Nathan, that’s all. There was neither heart nor soul in it, just bodies acting and reacting.”
“That’s not true, and you know it. There was more to it than just a good fuck.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, we have great chemistry—so what? If I’d known it was going to
give you fuzzy, warm feelings for me, I wouldn’t have done it. I warned you the last time.
Open your eyes, Nate. This isn’t some kind of Hollywood fairy tale. My life isn’t a cliché. It
is, well, what it is. Business. With all the filth and slime you’d expect around someone like
me.”
“Someone like you?” I repeated numbly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Cam pushed back his hair. His expression was settled now, calm. Too calm. “Face it,
Nathan. I’m a hooker. A whore. I take money to let people use my body for pleasure.”
“I know that and I’m not saying I’m happy about it, but it’s okay. I don’t mind.”
Cam’s eyes were like stone, cold and hard as emeralds. “Don’t you? Really?”
I shook my head. I winced, but I was determined to stand my ground.
“Think about what it really means and I assure you, you will mind,” he said. “I’m lucky
if my customer is a pretty woman like your friend Cynthia or a nice guy like yourself.
Usually they’re quite a bit less attractive, especially on the inside. They get to use my body
anyway. I let them fuck me any way they want, because they pay me for it. Just because I
dress up in nice clothes now and walk them to some public occasion doesn’t change what I
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am or what they want from me. It doesn’t make their fantasies any less twisted either, and I’ll
do the job anyway.”
I couldn’t seem to stop staring at him. Sure, I’d wondered what Cam’s life was like and
yes, I’d chosen to block out certain aspects—certain possibilities. Hearing Cam say it out
loud, calm and composed was even more unsettling than what I had imagined. I hadn’t
actually allowed myself to imagine much and restricted myself to believing that what Cam
did with Cynthia was what a typical trick looked like. If Cam had a few more clients like her,
he should be able to live relatively well. “Why do you do it?”
Cam met my gaze coolly. “Lack of alternatives, I guess.”
“But you’re a beautiful, smart man. Why don’t you do something else?”
The muscles in Cam’s jaw tensed and his eyes narrowed. “Because people don’t get to
choose what they do when they’ve been where I’ve been.”
“Where would that be?”
“Why do you care? What’s my life to you? Bloody hell, you sound like you want to
write a bloody book about it.”
“So what if I did?”
“That was fucking sarcasm,” Cam pointed out and snatched his jacket.
“I know, Cam. I know. But you know what? Maybe I should do just that.”
“What?”
I’d said it on impulse, but now that the thought was out, I was beginning to seriously
consider it. It was exactly the kind of harebrained, talking-without-thinking decision my
editor kept saying would be the end of my career one day. The kind of decision that had
earned me three awards for story of the year so far. “I’m a writer as you know. I mostly write
articles for magazines, but I’ve had a few books published, too.”
“Good for you. What’s that got to do with me?”
I forced myself to inhale slowly and count to ten. I didn’t have the faintest clue how
Cam would react to my suggestion, but I wasn’t counting on him to be over the moon about
it. “You accuse me of believing your life and job to be the Hollywood version,” I explained.
“And admittedly, yes, that is what I imagined it was. But what you said about what it’s like
for you made me curious. I want to hear your story and I want to write it down.”
“Why do you want to do that?”
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“I just want to understand, I guess. I want to know what your reality is like and
understand what it means for you.”
He let out a snort. “Great. I can tell you that in a nutshell. No need to take notes.”
“Right.” He wasn’t the first reluctant source I had to mollycoddle. “And there are other
people out there who want to understand, too. The issue is mostly approached from the
client’s point of view or from the outside. It would be far more interesting to approach it
from the point of view of the one who does it. From your point of view.”
Cam stared at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?
You want me to spill the beans about my life and write it down? And publish it? Why?
There’s no story in there. This isn’t fucking Pretty Woman, there’s no happy end with a bunch
of roses and opera music and the knight in his shiny white car.”
“Maybe the story doesn’t need a happy end with opera music. Maybe the story itself is
enough to be the story.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Why wouldn’t you? All you have to do is tell me what you did up until now and what
it’s like to do your job. Give me some insight into it.”
He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s my life. That’s nobody else’s business.”
“It’d be as anonymous as you want it to be. No one would know it’s you.”
“No.”
“Come on, Cam. It’s not gonna hurt you to take a couple of hours to tell me your story.”
“I’ve got a job, remember? And sometimes I’ve even got a private life,” Cam snapped.
“I know.” I sighed. “I’ll pay you for your time. How much do you charge for an hour?”
The moment the words were out I knew I shouldn’t have said them.
Cam’s expression turned thunderous. “Stop. Fucking. With. Me.” His voice was a low,
barely controlled growl and his body was tense with anger. “You think you can just buy my
life? Bad enough that I’m selling my body. I’m not gonna sell my soul, not again. Take your
fucking story and put it where the sun don’t shine.”
“Cam, please. There’s no need to be mad at me. I didn’t mean to insult you or anything.
I just think you’ve got an interesting story to tell and when I’m offering to pay you for your
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time, that’s not because I think I could buy you. Most of the people I interview professionally
get a compensation for their time. Think about it. It’s an easy way to earn that money.”
“I don’t want your fucking money,” Cam snarled. “You want to know what my life is
like? Do you? Fine. I’ll tell you. You shall have your fucking story. I’ve got an appointment
tonight, but I can be here tomorrow at six and tell you.”
“Really?”
“I just said so, didn’t I? When I say I'll do something, I do it. Just one thing. We’re not
gonna fuck again. Not tomorrow, not any other time. Keep that in mind and don’t get your
hopes up. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cam turned and left. The door slammed shut behind him.
I stared at the glossy white wood, flabbergasted. I’d expected him to not be pleased
with the idea and hadn’t even been surprised when he’d taken offence, but that sudden
change of mind astonished me. Maybe he’d just said it to get me out of his hair and would
change his mind again. Maybe not. Either way, thinking about it kept me from thinking
about the rest of Cam’s words. ‘We’re not gonna fuck again’. Had it been that bad? I tried not
to think about it and failed, so I ended up rewinding what we had done again and again.
We fit so well on a physical level and I’d been so sure that it had meant something to
him, too, but maybe his heart really hadn’t been in it. Sex with Cam had been a satisfying
experience and the way he could use his body to give me pleasure had been a revelation. He
was a skilled lover. Of course he was, but more than that, I wanted the connection we had
built. No matter what he said, there was something between us. Something that went beyond
great chemistry and knowing which nerve endings to rub, lick and nip what way. We’d
shared something good and I wanted to have that back. The straightforward, professional
attitude Cam had to sex made me sick. It made me hate how easily his well-practised
motions had brought me off, it made me hate the smell of the latex, hate the way his body
had opened up to me so easily. Cam was right. There had been neither heart nor soul in the
act, and I had come to mind his job. A lot.
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Chapter Six
Cam didn’t turn up for the interview the next evening. He didn’t call to cancel either. I
spent a full three days in torment, wondering why he had stood me up before I caved in and
called his mobile phone. His breathy bedroom voice told me that he was busy but would call
back as soon as he could if I left a message and number. A friendly mechanical voice then
informed me that it was currently not possible to leave a message as the storage space was
exhausted. I gave it a piece of my mind and switched the stupid phone off.
I dialled again. A different number.
“Cynthia Morgan’s office,” a crisp, official-sounding voice replied. I winced.
“Hi, um, Keith.”
“Hiya, Nate. Good to hear you, man. How are you?” Could you say bloody-fucking-
crap without opening your mouth? Keith. Keith Monroe. Cynthia’s PA. My outgoing
boyfriend.
“I’m, uh, okay. Listen, I’m in a bit of a hurry actually. Appointment waiting. Is Cyn in?”
“Yes.” He sounded miffed. Nothing new there. “She is and I’ll put you through to her
in a minute, just… I’ve been meaning to call you.”
“Oh. Okay.”
He chuckled. He seemed nervous, which was rare for him. “Yes. Well, I haven’t heard
from you after the last time and… Wanna go out? Dinner? Or maybe cinema?”
I bit back a groan but rolled my eyes. There was no one around who could see. “Keith,
sorry. I’m awfully busy these days. Maybe another time, huh?”
I could easily picture his pout when I heard his sigh. Keith was a pretty blond, the kind
of guy who was very concerned with his looks and very open-minded when it came to
accepting other people’s choices. I genuinely liked him and there had been times when I’d
honestly hoped we could make it work. There’d also been times when I’d thought I must
have been mad for even trying.
“Right. No problem, sweet buns. I’ll put you through to Cyn now.”
“Thanks.”
I listened to the jingle, artsy music on the line, then there was a click.
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“Nate? How are you, sweetie?”
What was it with the sweet today?
“I’m okay. You?”
“Bloody busy.” She laughed. “So just the usual. What’s up?”
“Um, I was wondering if you’d been in touch with Cam lately.”
There was a pause. All I could hear was the air she sucked in, then, “No, in fact I
haven’t. The bloody bugger should’ve been here Tuesday for the Maya exhibition.
Dreadfully boring, and I was so counting on him to cheer me up a bit afterwards. I even
bought some raunchy undies in his honour.”
I winced. Count on Cyn to provide TMI. “So, uh, you had a date with him, but he
cancelled?”
“Nn-nn. Didn’t show. I called him Monday to check, but he didn’t answer so I left him a
message to ring me back. He didn’t, and when he didn’t turn up the next day, I called him
again. Fucker didn’t answer again and he still has to phone me back.”
“Don’t you think that’s a bit strange?”
“What? Him not answering? No, not really. I guess he’s probably just moved on and cut
his old contacts.”
“Huh?”
“Hookers sometimes do that. They go to a different city, at least for a while. Explore a
new market, so to speak.”
“Hmm, okay. I get that, but wouldn’t it be stupid of him to up and go? I mean, he isn’t
exactly a street-walker. He’s an escort. Don’t they usually try to build a reputation and stick
with that?”
Cynthia chuckled. “Been doing some homework, have you, Nate?”
“Yes. Street walkers sell themselves to whoever will have them. Escorts usually aim to
maintain an air of exclusivity to raise their prices. So it would be stupid of Cam to just cut
ties with clients he’s kept satisfied.” Clients like Cyn, who would buy him once or twice a
month, maybe more often. I didn’t have to say it out loud. Cyn knew me well enough to fill
in the gap.
“Right. Nicely phrased, too.” The smile faded from her voice. “Just that our pretty Cam
is really just a cheap hooker stuck in a suit.”
“What?”
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She laughed, but it didn’t sound amused. “Didn’t you notice? He looks hot in a suit, but
he doesn’t have what it takes to be convincing in company. He’s smart, but he lacks the
conversational skills he’d need to get far with the hot shot clients.”
I was flabbergasted. “But you took him to all those society events with you,” I said
lamely.
“Yes. It’s how I know, trust me. I asked him to keep his mouth shut most of the time, or
told him what to say so he wouldn’t make a fool of himself.”
“He’s not stupid, Cyn!”
She sighed. “No, he’s not, and I didn’t mean to say that, so keep your panties on,
sweetie. He’s just…let’s say a little rough around the edges.”
“Right.” I’d realised that much during our talk at the restaurant, but Cyn had alluded to
something else, hadn’t she? “What did you mean about him being just a cheap hooker stuck
in a suit?”
She groaned. “Nate, what’s up, why are we having this conversation?”
“Because it’s long overdue and don’t avoid my question.”
“Fine. But are you sure you want to hear this? You seem a tad smitten with the lad.”
“I am sure, Cyn. Just tell me what you know about him, okay?”
She lit a cigarette. I heard the click of her lighter and her deep breath as she inhaled the
smoke. I drummed my fingers on the table next to me.
“Okay,” Cyn announced at last. “What I meant is that our gorgeous Cam is really just
one of the rent boys you can pick up for a tenner at every corner.”
“He’s what? Cyn, how could you—”
“Easy, sweetie, okay? I didn’t pick him up at a corner and he got a lot more than tenners
from me, believe me.”
“How did you find him?”
“I got his number from an escort service I called. It was short notice, their regulars were
all booked and Cam had just signed up for a trial period with them, so I decided to take him.
I didn’t have to pay their fee, just what Cam asked for, and in exchange I got a rough
diamond of a street kid instead of a sophisticated gigolo. Ah well, at least he knows what
he’s selling.”
It was my turn to groan. “Fuck, Cyn… Please tell me he’s at least legal!”
“Sure he is, do you think I’m stupid?” she snapped.
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“Oh, so what, did you check his passport?” I shot back.
“Not exactly,” she grumbled. “But you’ve seen him, you don’t seriously think he’s
underage, do you?”
“No. No, I don’t. He’s young, but I’d say he’s old enough to…for what we did.”
“Right. If it’s any consolation, he told me he was twenty-four.”
“Consolation? Yeah, great. Still makes him almost ten years my junior.”
She snorted. “Yes, and fifteen years younger than I am. Anyway, why the sudden
interest in his background?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just a bit worried about him. We had a bit of a fight that
night, or rather the morning after, but he said he’d meet me again the next evening.”
“Hmm. And he didn’t?”
“No. And no, he didn’t cancel and has been unavailable since. His phone doesn’t accept
any more messages either, which is a bit weird.”
“Well, it’s not if he did what I suspect and just left town,” Cyn pointed out.
“But why would he do that? I don’t get it.”
“Why wouldn’t he? Maybe he’s running from some kind of trouble. Maybe he has a
pimp and wants to get away from him. Although, no, I don’t think that’s it. He could be
involved in something else though, or maybe he just wants a change of scenery.”
“Is that honestly what you think?”
“Nate. It’s irrelevant what I think. Just focus on the facts for a moment, will you? What
do you know about this man? Everything I told you was new to you. You thought he was
some kind of glamorous gigolo when really he is just—”
“Don’t say it, okay? I’m sick of hearing him being called a hooker or a whore or
whatever. It’s bad enough that I know it’s what he is, I don’t need you to remind me of it.
And you know what, I don’t fucking care. I don’t care if the whole city of London has had
the pleasure. He deserves better than being treated as a living sex toy.”
“I’m not—”
“Yes, you fucking well are!”
There was a long, uncomfortable silence at the other end, then she said, “Fine. I guess I
am. But at least I’m not scared of calling things by their name. I never lied about what I do
with him, and I’m not ashamed of having paid a man for sex either. Men have been buying
women for about as long as mankind exists, so why should it be wrong now to turn the
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tables? He knew the deal, and I paid him well and I treated him well. I even wined and dined
him at times, which is certainly a lot more than his other tricks did.” She lit another cigarette,
but I was too numb and weary to comment on what she’d said. Worst of all was, she was
right. There was nothing I could have blamed her for. Why shouldn’t she have bought the
goods Cam offered?
“Look, Nate.” Her voice was softer now. “I’m sorry that all of this is getting to you. If
I’d known that you’d…respond to Cam the way you did, I never would’ve encouraged
anything between the two of you. But you were so sad about the situation with Keith, that I
just thought a distraction would do you good.”
“Well, it was nice.”
“Yeah, I guessed as much,” she deadpanned. “But I think you ought to face the facts
now. Cam is what he is, and whatever happened between you was, well, him keeping the
customer satisfied, I suppose.” I winced at her use of the same lame pun I had used not long
ago and yes, she was right. Again. I had to face the facts. Cam had told me clearly that his
heart was never for sale and that people could get hurt if they didn’t play his game by the
rules. Except I had thought we were no longer playing a game. I’d allowed myself to believe
there was something genuine between us, when in truth, Cam had probably just done his
best to fulfil his part of the deal.
“I know,” I croaked. “I know it. And sorry, Cyn, I didn’t mean to insult you. I just… Oh
hell, I’m just being a big old fool.”
“No worries, sweetie. It’s all good between us. I love you far too much to let something
like this make me mad at you.”
“Thank you, Cyn. I’ll leave you to your work then. Um, could you put Keith on the
line?”
She hesitated, but then she said, “Yes. Sure.”
* * * *
“What do you want?” I snapped, almost three weeks later, at the poor soul who dared
interrupt my gloom by turning up at the doorstep of the office I had at one of the larger
houses I worked for.
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“Hi, Nate. Sorry to disturb you. Uh, I was just wondering if you’d had time to look at
my draft yet?” Michael, one of the junior reporters, beamed his trademark thousand watt
smile at me. I wanted to punch him.
Instead I waved him in. “Yeah, I’ve looked at it. Wanna sit down?”
“No, thanks, I’m really just passing. Don’t want to bother you more than I have to.” He
pushed his hands into his pockets, then took them out again and started wringing his fingers.
I stifled a grin. It wasn’t a secret that Michael was ambitious and longed to be taken seriously
as a writer. Although good at it, running around town and writing trivial reports about news
like burglaries or minor local events clearly left him unsatisfied. For some reason, he had
chosen me to mentor him and kept asking my opinion on his own versions of other writers’
articles. His lack of self-confidence was at the same time annoying and endearing.
“So what do you think?”
“I liked it. Your writing improves constantly. It gets more fluent. Keep it up, although
maybe you should avoid sounding too flippant when you report serious issues.”
“Thanks, Nate.” Michael beamed. “I appreciate your advice, as always.” Already
heading back to the door, he stopped and turned around, his expression suddenly serious
and sympathetic. “Oh, by the way, how is your friend?”
“My…friend? Which one?” I was confused. There weren’t many friends of mine
Michael knew and as most of them worked in this building, it was odd of him to ask.
He shrugged. “I don’t remember his name, sorry. Tall, dark hair, pretty face. You were
at Raphael’s with him a couple of weeks ago, he had the attention of all the women in the
room.”
I felt as if he had punched me. Although Keith kept asking me to, I had yet to take him
to Raphael’s, so the only guy I’d ever been there with was Cam, on that evening almost a
month ago. I had completely forgotten about Michael being there, but now that he brought it
up, I recalled that he had been there with his girlfriend. But why would he ask me about
Cam? It hadn’t appeared as though they knew each other at the time.
“Um, I guess he’s okay,” I answered.
“Oh, so he’s getting better? Glad to hear that, mate. Poor chap, it was really quite
nasty.”
Cold fear gripped my heart. “What was?”
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Michael frowned. “The accident. I was there for the report. It looked really bad, with all
the blood and—” His eyes widened. “You don’t know, do you? Oh shit, man, I’m so sorry! I
didn’t mean to…not like this.” He bit his lip and stared at me.
“I…haven’t heard from him in a while,” I admitted. “We’re not exactly, uh, well, we’re
not really that close, I guess. I didn’t know…” My worst fears had just been confirmed.
Something horrible had happened to Cam and I hadn’t even known about it. All that blood. I
didn’t even know if… I forced myself not to let my thoughts go down that road. “Give me
the details.”
Michael scratched his chin. “Well, apparently he was hit by a car. Seems he was out for
a jog and crossed the road and the driver just didn’t see him. That’s what she said anyway,
but I think she was going too fast and simply couldn’t stop in time, so the impact must have
been pretty high. There was a lot of blood and um, one of his legs was definitely broken. I
could see the bone sticking out…” He made a face and shuddered. “All I know is that he was
taken to hospital, emergency op I suppose. I was gonna follow up on the story, but they
weren’t exactly cooperative at the hospital, so I decided to let it rest. See if maybe he wants to
talk once he’s recovered. Sorry, Nate. Really.” His young features were full of honest
sympathy.
I forced myself to respond and managed a nod. I tried not to let the images to Michael’s
description build, but already blurry visions of a blood-covered, mangled heap of flesh and
bones lying on a street somewhere appeared in front of my mind’s eye. “When did it
happen?”
“Almost a month ago, Sunday. Fifth.”
“Where did they take him?”
“I’m not a hundred per cent sure, but Royal Free would be my guess. It’s the closest
that has emergency services.”
I was already halfway to the door, but Michael blocked my way. “Going to see him?”
I couldn’t answer. Blood pounded in my ears and waves of nausea lapped at my
stomach. Even giving a light nod made my head ache.
“I’m driving.” Michael reached for my coat.
“Thanks, Mike, but—”
“You’re in no condition to drive.” He snatched the keys from my shaking hand.
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We arrived at the hospital in no time at all, or maybe I just didn’t realise how long it
took, and I was out of the car and at the front desk before Michael had even switched off the
engine.
The woman behind the reception desk was sympathetic enough as I garbled out my
urgent request to see Cam, but she didn’t seem to understand me. “I’m sorry, sir. Who is it
you want to see?”
“Cam. Cam, uh…” Damn, why hadn’t I paid attention to Cam’s last name? He’d said it
at Raphael’s because Cyn had made the reservation in his name, but now I just couldn’t seem
to remember. What was it? It had something to do with… “Houston!” Yes, Houston. I spelled
it out for the receptionist as she typed it into her computer.
“I’m sorry, sir,” she said after a moment. “I’m afraid there is no patient with the name
of Cam Houston.”
“But…” It was the name he had used, I was certain. “Uh, maybe try Euston. E-U, just
like the station.”
She cast me a sceptical glance but typed anyway. “Nothing.”
“Wait. Maybe Cameron, not Cam?” Cam had never confirmed that his name was short
for Cameron, but he hadn’t denied it either. The nurse didn’t even pretend to look the name
up this time, just shook her head. “Sorry.”
I wanted to rant and rave, but I knew it was pointless. She had no reason not to help me
and Cam could be in any hospital across town. I refused to think about the possibility that he
might not be in any of them. And yet, Michael had said Cam had most likely been taken here
after the accident. I looked at the receptionist again with what I hoped came across as a
charming smile. “Maybe he isn’t staying here anymore. You would be able to find out if he
was here though, wouldn’t you?”
She sighed and tilted her head. “Sir, there is no match for that name. Sorry.”
“But I know he was taken here. A little over three weeks ago, Sunday the fifth. He…
There was a car accident. Do you know anything about that? Please.”
She straightened up and squared her shoulders. “I’m afraid we have a lot of car
accident victims brought to our hospital, sir, but if the name doesn’t match there is nothing I
can do.” Her patience was clearly on its way to expiration.
“If I give you a description? Would someone recognise him? ”
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“Sir, I think this is enough. The person you are looking for is not here. I suggest you try
one of the other hospitals.”
“But I’m sure…” I was still searching for a way to convince her when another nurse
appeared at my side. I’d noticed her turn up earlier, a tray with two cups of coffee in hand,
which she’d left with the receptionist, but I hadn’t paid much attention. Now I did. She was
short and sturdy with curly dark hair, huge blue eyes and a definite air of authority on her as
she stared me down with a firm expression on her heart-shaped face. She must have been in
her late forties, judging by the amount of grey in her hair and the creases around her eyes.
“Sir? Would you come with me please?” She didn’t wait for me to answer, just turned
and bustled off. I took it to mean that her words hadn’t been a question so much as an order.
I followed her, surprised when she led me to a quiet corner behind a huge plant instead of
booting me out.
“Who is it you’re looking for?”
“Uh, Cam Euston.”
Her eyes narrowed. “When did you say he got here?”
I repeated the day and description of the accident to her. She nodded, nearly driving me
insane when she asked, “What does he look like?”
I dug my nails into the palm of my hand to keep myself from shouting. “He’s tall,
around six-two, I think. Black hair, green eyes. Pretty face, good body.”
She pursed her lips. “Any distinct features?”
I could have listed about a hundred distinct features, but I tried to come up with
something that wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. “Um, dimples. Both cheeks, and a small
one on his chin. Oh, wait, there is something else. There’s a scar across his left collarbone. It’s
rather long, about four inches, but it must be an old one, so not easy to spot.” In fact I would
have missed it if I hadn’t taken so much time exploring Cam’s body and his reaction when
I’d tried to touch it had surprised me.
The nurse looked at me. “What’s your name?”
“Nathan Vincent.”
“Hmm. And what’s your connection to this Mr Euston, Mr Vincent?”
My mind raced. From what Michael had told me, Cam’s injuries had been severe. That
meant he might still be in intensive care where only his next of kin would be admitted.
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“I’m his brother,” I blurted out, realising I’d made a mistake when the nurse’s eyebrows
climbed up to her hairline.
“We’re, um, we’re half-brothers, precisely. Not much family resemblance,” I explained.
Hell, why couldn’t I be one of those slick reporters who could fool everyone when they went
undercover to dig out the next scandal? “Oh, and we have different family names. It’s, uh,
complicated.”
“I’m sure it is.” She continued to stare at me with an unsettling expression in her eyes,
then she took a deep breath and gave me a signal to follow. She stepped into an elevator and
pushed a button before she turned to talk to me. “I suppose the man you’re looking for is
here. I think you’re about as much his brother as you are mine, but frankly, I don’t care.
You’re the only person who’s turned up here to see him in over three weeks, so I’ll assume
you care about him at least a bit and right now, that’s what he needs more than anything
else.” She sighed. “I’m breaking about a hundred rules and could get sacked, but I’ll take you
to see him anyway.”
“Thank you.” So Cam was alive. If the nurse had identified him correctly.
“Mind you, I trust that he even wants to see you. If he shows any signs of distress I
expect you to leave instantly. He’s really not in a state to be messed with.” The elevator
stopped and she led me down a corridor.
“What happened?”
“Well, as you know he got hit by a car.” She swallowed. “His injuries are severe. Broken
collarbone, several ribs are cracked and two are broken. Multiple fractures to his leg. Those
injuries are all on his right side. Then there are loads of cuts and bruises all over him, so the
prettiness is lying a bit low at the moment. It’s all fixed and healing, but it’ll need a lot of
time. The leg will always give him some trouble. I suppose it will be a while before he can
take up jogging again, but he’s young and strong, so the doctors expect him to recover well.”
“Oh, God. How…how is he?”
“In pain I guess, although the painkillers take care of that. Frightfully weak and
lethargic, which is no wonder with the medication they’ve put him under. I’m not sure if he’s
awake, he still sleeps a lot. I doubt he’ll be able to talk much, but I hope he’ll be happy to see
you. God knows he needs some cheering up. Okay, here we are. Hold on a sec, I’ll just see if
he’s conscious.”
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She opened the door and slipped into the room with a faint squeaking of her rubber-
soled shoes, then I heard her chatter away inside. I couldn’t understand what she said, but
she sounded cheerful. She returned a few moments later and held the door open for me. “If
he conks out you can stay with him if you like, but if he gets upset, leave. He’s on a heart rate
monitor and I’ll be watching, so I’ll know if something’s up with him. I’ll be back to check on
him in fifteen minutes anyway.” Her words could have been meant as a reassurance, but I
knew that they really contained a lot of concern and maybe even a little threat.
“I’ll do my best not to upset him. Thank you, I appreciate it. A lot,” I said earnestly.
She swallowed and turned away. “I just hope you’re good for him.”
I went into the room. There was only one bed, right next to the window and its
occupant didn’t look much like Cam. For a few long, confusing heartbeats I feared that the
nurse’s assumption was wrong and the man in the bed in front of me wasn’t Cam after all,
then I recognised familiar features.
Cam was shockingly pale. His skin was almost translucent and the deep shadows under
his eyes were too dark to be natural. He must have lost a shocking amount of weight. His
already prominent cheekbones stood out like twin ridges above hollow cheeks. There had
been several cuts across his forehead and under his right eye, but they seemed to have healed
well. A gash in his bottom lip had already faded to a pink scar, but the remains of a huge
bruise still coloured the right side of his face in various shades of greenish brown and yellow.
Cam’s right arm rested on his chest, secured by a sling. His right leg was encased from foot
to mid-thigh. The cast looked highly uncomfortable. A multitude of tubes in various colours
and sizes led from different parts of Cam’s body to machines that wheezed and beeped in a
monotonous concert. I squirmed. The descriptions had been ghastly enough, but Cam
looking so fragile and shattered tore at my heart.
I didn’t know what to say so I settled for a whispered “Hey.” It sounded too loud in a
room full of electronic noise.
“Hey.” His breathy rasp was barely more than an exhalation of air.
I pulled a chair to Cam’s bed and sat down, aware of him watching me with tired eyes.
I longed to touch him, to assure myself that the emaciated body on the bed was real and
alive, but I didn’t dare lay so much as a finger on him for fear of hurting him. He was so
frightfully thin. “It’s probably a stupid question given the circumstances, but how are you?
Does it hurt much?”
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“Sometimes. I’m…tired mostly.” His voice was brittle and he grimaced as if speaking
was painful for him.
“I’m sorry, Cam. So sorry. I didn’t know or I would have come earlier. I only just found
out.”
“Why…are you here?”
“I had to see you. Needed to see how you are, baby.”
“Shouldn’t have.”
“Don’t be stupid. Of course I should. I had to.”
He raised his eyebrows and promptly winced. “Why?”
“Because of you, silly. I couldn’t just leave you here all on your own, could I?”
“Better if…not. Just…” Cam fell silent and closed his eyes. I listened to his breathing
which always seemed to be a good indicator of his physical condition and decided to let him
rest. That way at least I wouldn’t say anything to upset him.
After a while, I dared myself to brush Cam’s hand, then I took it in mine, careful not to
stir the needle stuck in his arm. I just held on to him. His fingers were limp, but the pulse of
life I could feel where my thumb rested on his wrist sent warmth through me. I hadn’t even
realised how cold I’d been ever since Michael had told me about the accident.
The nurse returned after what must have been the announced fifteen minutes but had
felt like an eternity. A soft smile lit up her face as she saw us, so at least I had her approval.
Moving quietly, she checked on Cam then gave me a signal to follow her out of the room. I
really didn’t want to leave so soon, but I knew I had no choice.
“Conked out again, has he?” she asked on the way back to the elevator. I just nodded. I
was too exhausted to speak and I didn’t trust my voice anyway. There was a knot in my
throat that I suspected would dissolve into tears if I stirred it. I’d been expecting to feel better
after seeing Cam, but instead I just felt so much worse. I hated to leave him behind.
She didn’t seem to need a verbal answer from me. “I thought he would. I’m afraid he’d
just had his full load of medication before you came. That usually puts him to sleep for
hours.”
“He was awake when I arrived, but he was incoherent. And it seems to hurt him to
speak.”
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“That’s all just a side effect of the medication. Listen, why don’t you come back
tomorrow? If you could be here earlier, maybe in the morning, he’ll be better. A bit ratty
maybe if he’s in pain, but at least he should be awake so you can talk to him.”
“I’ll be here. Thank you so much, uh…?”
“Rosalie.” She smiled. “I’ll be here tomorrow during the day, so if anyone gives you a
hard time, just ask for me. Sorry, but I have to get going. Take care.” She ushered me back
into the elevator then shuffled off around a corner.
When I stepped out of the small cubicle in the foyer, I was both surprised and relieved
to find that Michael was still there. He’d waited for me, well over an hour, and insisted on
driving me home. I managed to make it across my own doorstep before I gave in to a crying
fit.
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Chapter Seven
When I returned the next day, I had far less trouble being allowed to see Cam. Rosalie
was there to greet me almost the instant I stepped off the elevator. As before, she
accompanied me up to Cam’s room.
“He’s a bit grumpy,” she informed me in the same cheerful tone I’d heard her use with
Cam. “Don’t let that bother you though, he doesn’t mean it. He just had a rough night and is
hurting more than yesterday.”
“Okay. Thanks for the warning.” I took a breath and went into Cam’s room.
He looked marginally better. He wasn’t quite as pale and sat upright, supported by
several cushions. He glared at me as I approached his bed.
I smiled at him. “Good morning, beautiful. How’s my favourite patient today?”
“You’re really here?” Cam sounded both confused and surprised. His voice was still
rough but stronger than the day before.
“Of course I’m here. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I thought…oh, never mind. Rosalie told me you’d said yesterday that you’d come
back.”
“Uh-huh. I did. And here I am. By the way, I got you something. I asked Rosalie, she
said you were allowed any food you like to eat.”
I took the bowl from the box I’d brought and held it out to him. “Chocolate mousse.” I
waggled it. “From Raphael’s.”
Cam looked at me blankly for a moment. “Thank you, that’s, uh, nice. But you
shouldn’t have bothered.”
“Oh, I brought more.” I held each item out for him to see as I took it from my bag.
“Bananas, grapes, apples. More chocolate. Anything to put some calories into you. You’re
terribly skinny. Want me to get you a spoon?”
“Not just yet. I’ll have some later.”
“Okay.” I put the bowl on the nightstand, hoping that its presence would tempt him
into eating it and pulled the chair out to sit. “So tell me, how are you? Rosalie said you’d had
a rough night. What happened?”
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“Nothing, just couldn’t sleep. The leg’s a bitch and… I just couldn’t sleep.”
“Poor darling. I would’ve thought you’d slept like a baby after you conked out
yesterday.”
“Nn-nn. That doesn’t mean anything. The bloody stuff they’re giving me takes away
most of the pain but…” He heaved a sigh. “It messes with my head. Most of the time I don’t
know where I am and if I manage to sleep then there are nightmares.”
I stopped fighting my instinct. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it softly, rubbing the
back of it with my thumb. “Nightmares? About what?”
“About…” Cam closed his eyes and tried to lift his right hand to his forehead, but he
hissed and lowered it again. “Fuck, I keep forgetting I shouldn’t do that!”
“Your collarbone?” I reached out and stroked a loose strand of hair from his eyes. He
nodded and gave me a grateful look.
“What are the nightmares about?” I asked again after a moment.
“They’re… I keep forgetting,” Cam answered. It was obviously a lie, but I let it pass for
the moment. Maybe Rosalie would be able to tell me more.
“Do you remember how the accident happened?”
“Not really. Just that I was out running. I don’t even remember crossing the road. It’s all
just a blank space.”
“You could have called, you know?”
“Called you?” Cam snorted. “I couldn’t, actually. My phone got smashed, so I lost all
the numbers in it.”
“Bugger. I’m sorry. Is there anyone you want to call? Even if you can’t remember the
number, there are other ways to—”
“No. There’s no one I want to call.” He sounded final and I remembered what Rosalie
had said. I was the only one who’d turned up to see him in almost four weeks. But there had
to be someone, surely? Even if family members were estranged, they often found their way
back together in times of crisis.
“No one? What about, uh, your fam— Ouch!” Cam had clenched his until now limp
fingers around my hand with astounding strength. He looked much too fragile to be capable
of such a powerful grip. Genuine fear took my heart in an icy clasp as I saw the despair in his
expression. If possible, he had turned even paler and he stared at me with wide, haunted
eyes.
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“Cam, what’s up?”
He shuddered. “Get me out of here, Nate, please. Please, I’ll do anything, just get me
out.” Tears streamed down his cheeks, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Please,” he repeated
and his voice cracked on a sob.
I was speechless. Stunned and horrified. The extent of Cam’s pain was almost palpable
and it had nothing to do with the injuries his body had suffered. There was something more,
something deeper behind his frantic plea, something I assumed he would refuse to disclose
but that obviously tormented him to a degree where it was unbearable. I didn’t know how to
deal with him, but I knew he needed help.
“I’ll talk to your doctor.” I got up, carefully peeling his clenched fingers off my wrist.
“Can you do something for me while I do that?” I picked up the bowl of chocolate mousse.
“Eat this, will you? Here’s a spoon, think you can cope with your left hand?” I assumed him
to be a lefty anyway because I’d noticed it was the hand he jerked himself off with. He didn’t
reply. “Cam?”
He sighed. “Yeah, okay.” He grabbed the spoon and tackled the pudding with little
enthusiasm.
“Good. Thank you. I’ll be back as soon as I can, but it might take a while, okay?” I bent
down to kiss his forehead. His skin was clammy. “I’ll be back soon, Cam. Promise.”
“Noel.”
“Huh?”
He didn’t look at me, just watched the spoon in his hand sink into the sticky mousse
instead. “My name. It’s Noel.”
“Noel? But I thought…”
Cam—Noel—shook his head. “Cam is… It’s not my name. My real name is Noel. I just
thought you should know.” He put a spoonful of chocolate pudding into his mouth and
swallowed. I didn’t think he even tasted what he ate.
I squeezed his hand. “Noel. I like it. Well, I’ll be back as soon as I’ve finished talking to
your doctor, okay?”
* * * *
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Out in the hall, I leaned on the door. I’d done my best to hide how much Cam’s pitiful
state tore at my heart, but now I needed a moment to regain my composure. No wonder the
nurse at the front desk hadn’t been able to help me. Noel, not Cam. I mentally slapped
myself for the stupid assumption that a rent boy would use his real name on the job. Maybe I
would have twigged it earlier if Cam had chosen a more obvious name, like Big Joe or
something similar. I gave the wall a hearty kick. Noel. I’d better remember that. I pushed the
matter of the name aside to focus on the more important problem. Noel’s obvious state of
distress had shaken me to the core, but I needed a clear head to talk to his doctor. I didn’t
know why Noel was so desperate to leave the hospital or why he believed that I would help
him, but I knew that there was no way I could let him down. I’d do anything it took to get
Noel out.
“Mr Vincent? Are you all right?” Rosalie gave me a look that made me wonder if she
was going to have me admitted in a minute.
“Yes, thank you Rosalie. Just a bit stirred.” I forced out a smile, but it felt shaky. “Call
me Nathan, please. Is there any chance I can talk to Ca—Noel’s doctor?”
She returned the smile and added a wink. “So he told you? Good. I’ll see if I can get
hold of his doc. There’s a waiting room over there. Why don’t you sit down and take a
moment? You look like you need it.”
She led me to a small room that was tucked behind a corner, surprising me when she
closed the door behind us and leaned on it. “What else did he tell you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you weren’t exactly in there for very long, were you? I’m just…” She heaved a
sigh. “Look, Nathan, I think what I’m saying is that I’ve no idea what your connection to him
is. All I know is you’re not his brother, but I don’t know, uh, how well you know him.”
“We went out a few times,” I explained cautiously. “I’m not sure how to define what
there is between us, to be honest, but I assure you that I care about him. A lot.”
Rosalie mulled over my answer for a bit, then she stuck out her chin and nodded, a
light movement as if she was confirming something to herself. “Do you know about the
accident?”
“Just that he was hit by a c—”
“Not that one. The other one. When he was a kid.”
“Uh, no. Why? What happened?”
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“Never mind that now. Why did you think his name was Cam, what? Euston?”
“It was how he introduced himself,” I said simply. “I didn’t know it wasn’t his real
name.”
“Thornton. Noel Thornton. You should know that much at least when you talk to his
doc or I suppose he won’t tell you anything at all.” She glanced at her watch and tutted. “I’d
better get him now before his shift is over. Wait here.”
She hurried off, leaving me to brood until she returned with a tall, tired-looking doctor
in tow whom she introduced as Dr Jones.
“Someone here to check on him at last,” Dr Jones said by way of greeting.
“Yes. At last. I’m afraid I failed to be notified about Noel’s accident,” I shot back acidly,
leaving it open who I thought was to blame for that.
“Rosalie said you wanted to talk to me about him,” he said, ignoring my remark and
avoiding the discussion whether or not the hospital should have made more of an effort to
track down Noel’s next of kin.
“In fact I do.”
“What do you want to know?”
“There isn’t so much I want to know. It’s more that, well, he is rather desperate to be
released.”
Jones exchanged a glance with Rosalie then looked at me. “I know, I know. I think that’s
rather obvious, but I’m afraid he needs to recover first. With the kind of injuries he’s
suffered, we can’t just let him go home. I’m sure you understand that.”
“You mean he can’t stay alone?”
“Well, no, of course not.”
“What if there’s someone there to take care of him?” I asked, wondering how on earth I
was going to do that and what Keith would have to say to it.
Jones was equally sceptical. “I’d not advise it. The cast on his leg alone will make daily
life difficult for him, not to mention the pain from the fractures.”
“But it would be possible to take him home, wouldn’t it? It wouldn’t be risky for his
health, would it?”
Jones shifted his weight but held my gaze. “There are always certain risks. Thrombosis,
the danger of suffering more injuries from a fall… The list is long, Mr Vincent. He’d have to
follow a lot of rules which, I’m afraid, are rather strict.”
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“But I could take him home with me?”
Jones rubbed his chin and let out a long-suffering sigh. “Look, Mr Vincent, I really don’t
think you should do that. Hospitals exist for a reason. We have all the equipment and
personnel required to take care of a case like his. Taking him home wouldn’t be good at this
point and I strongly recommend you don’t do it. He should stay for at least another two or
three weeks.”
“But what if he wants to go anyway? It obviously really upsets him to be here and that
can’t be good either.”
Jones folded his arms across his chest. “I’m not dismissing him.”
I was still wondering what to say to make him change his mind when Rosalie squared
her small frame in front of the doctor. “Dr Jones? With all due respect, sir, but I think Mr
Vincent is right. Noel—Mr Thornton—may be recovering physically, but his mental state is
giving me reason for concern, as I’ve told you repeatedly. Maybe it would indeed be better to
let him go home, even if it means it’s less comfortable for him. I’m sure Mr Vincent is willing
and able to take sufficient care of him.”
Jones glared at her. “I think I already made it clear that I do not appreciate a dismissal
at this point.”
“Damn, Jones!” she shouted, and both the doctor and I jumped. Hands resting on her
hips, she glared at him. “He’s falling head over heels into a major depression, don’t you see
that? Do you really want to continue feeding him pills to keep him numbed down and hope
for the best? He’s lost a lot of weight. He refuses to eat and doesn’t sleep despite the drugs
and I don’t think I have to tell you that if he continues to go down that road, it won’t be long
before his physical health is seriously affected. You know as well as I do that he isn’t
recovering as well as he could. He’ll heal much better when he allows his body to get what it
needs and there’s only so much medication he can take.”
Jones’ face was distorted in anger. “You nurses think you know it all, don’t you? Fine.
I’ll sign the papers. He can go as long as he countersigns that it’s at his own risk. And if
anything happens to him, it’s on you, got that?” He emphasised his last words by stabbing a
finger at her then spun around on his heel and rushed out. The door slammed shut behind
him.
“Damn, how I hate it when they look down their noses just because they spent a couple
of years at a university!” Rosalie grumbled.
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I stared at the door. The word depression that had been flung at me so suddenly still
echoed in my head. “Are you going to be in trouble for that?”
She shrugged. “No, I don’t think so. Jones is actually quite all right. He just hates
having his opinion questioned, but then again they all do.”
“Do you think it’s the accident that affects him so much?”
“Noel?” She sighed and rubbed her eyes. “It was bad enough and he’s certainly hurting
a lot, but I think it’s mostly staying here that he can’t handle.”
“At the hospital, you mean?” She gave a wordless nod and I decided to dig deeper.
“You said something about another accident earlier—do you think it has anything to do with
that?”
“Probably.” Her bottom lip quivered as she looked at me. “You really have no idea, do
you?”
I shook my head. Whatever had happened must have been tragic and I wasn’t sure if I
could stand to hear it. I’d had enough drama in the last twenty-four hours to last me a while
and if I was going to take Noel home with me, then there would be a lot more drama.
“It was a car crash. I know.” She rolled her eyes. “It was in the afternoon, just after four
or so, I think, and in winter, so it was already getting dark. They must have been on their
way back home, Noel and his parents. His father was driving. There was nothing he could
have done, nothing anyone could be blamed for, you know. It was that kind of accident, one
of those that just happen. The police said he wasn’t going particularly fast, very well adapted
to the weather conditions, but there was a patch of black ice, right in the middle of the road
and he lost control of the car. Apparently it spun all across the road before it went down the
slope and crashed into a couple of trees. Noel’s father must have been dead right away or
within a few minutes, his mother was still alive but unconscious and seriously injured and
Noel… Well, Noel had nothing on him except for a few scratches and a bruise on his
forehead. Someone had called an ambulance right after it had happened and they got there
fast, but the car was a complete wreck and they couldn’t get them out. Noel was conscious
throughout, but the poor child was confused and eventually he panicked. He used his pocket
knife to cut himself free from the safety belt. He hurt himself in the process—that’s how he
got the scar on his collarbone. He had to do it with his right hand, you see, although he’s left-
handed.” She shuddered and rubbed her eyes, leaving them pink and puffed.
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“It took them almost an hour to get everyone out. They took care of Noel and his mum,
but it was too late for her. She had suffered serious damage to her brain and was in a coma.
They managed to keep her body functions going with machines, but she was gone. They
waited for two weeks before they gave up and let her go. Two weeks, and Noel spent every
single minute at her side. She was here, you know. I wasn’t her nurse, but a case like that
raises attention, even at a big place like this. Some of us nurses tried to look after him, too,
whenever he’d let us.” She sniffed and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “He was thirteen
years old, Nathan. Still a child. I’ve been a nurse for thirty years and God knows I get to see a
lot of shit. But seeing Noel watch his mother die for days… That’s going to stick with me
forever.” Her voice broke and a sob escaped her.
“I can’t begin to imagine what it must do to him to be stuck in here again. No wonder
he’s freaking out,” she said, then she grabbed my hand and peered up at me with red-
rimmed eyes. “Don’t leave him here, please. It’s going to destroy him, I know that.”
I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I won’t, Rosalie. I won’t. I’ll take him home with me.
What happened to him after his mother died?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t have any relatives, so he was put under authority care. I was
actually thinking of adopting him. I’d already spoken to my husband about it and he’d
agreed, but then they told us that Noel had disappeared. He’d been put up with a foster
family until they decided what to do with him, but he just ran away. I don’t know what
became of him after that, never heard anything about him until he ended up in a hospital bed
under my care again.”
“He’s lucky to have you, Rosalie,” I said earnestly. “Thank you for telling me. I think I
should deliver the happy news now. Dr Jones is not going to pull back, is he?”
“No, he wouldn’t do that. Go talk to Noel, I’ll get the papers and bring them to you in a
bit. Noel’s gonna have to sign that he’s leaving against doctor’s advice and all that.” She gave
me a wobbly smile. “And you’re going to have your hands full, I hope you know that. I will
tell you about his medication and all that later, okay?”
“Okay, I’ll meet you in Noel’s room then.” I didn’t know what made her leave before
me, but I was grateful that she was gone. I needed a few minutes to myself. Minutes during
which I allowed myself to grieve for Noel’s past, for the parents he had lost and the
innocence of a child that had died with them. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together and
figure out what had happened in the years between that first horrible accident and the one
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last month. Noel had run away from foster care, probably been a street kid afterwards.
Selling his body had only been the next step. One day I’d make him fill the story with details,
but first his wounds would have to heal. The present ones along with the ones he’d suffered
in the past.
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Chapter Eight
Keith was, unsurprisingly, not amused when he came to visit that night and found Noel
sitting on my sofa, leg propped up on a pile of cushions and watching TV while I was in the
back of the flat getting the guest room ready. With the events of the day and the chaos Noel’s
arrival had brought with it, I’d completely forgotten about our date. The sound of Keith’s
voice startled me and I rushed down the hall.
Noel looked panic-stricken. His stunning green eyes were unnaturally large in his
sunken face anyway, but now fear had made them even wider. I was sure he would have
bolted had he been able to move and I could see the reason why. Keith stood in the middle of
the room, staring daggers at poor Noel—and at me, the moment I entered.
“I didn’t know we had a guest,” he said icily.
“It was, uh, kind of short notice,” I explained.
“I see. Care to introduce us?”
“Um, sure. Sorry. Uh, Keith, this is Noel. Noel, meet Keith.”
They glared at each other like a pair of tigers in a cage. Well, Keith glared at Noel who
in turn avoided meeting anyone’s gaze and picked at the blanket I’d thrown over him
instead.
“Noel, huh? How come you never mentioned a Noel? Or did I just forget?”
“Keith…”
“What? I’d just like to know where to place him. Seeing as he’s occupying my
boyfriend’s sofa, I think I have a right to know, don’t you?”
I felt the blood drain from my face, and I wasn’t the only one who went pale, just that
with Noel’s pallid skin tone it didn’t show much. But I’d seen him flinch and he swayed.
He’d tried to sit up, but with the cast on his leg his position was awkward.
“I’m sorry, I—”
“Don’t be, Noel. You have nothing to be sorry for. Keith, can I talk to you for a moment,
please?” I didn’t wait for his answer, just turned around and marched off into the kitchen. He
had the decency to follow me and I closed the door behind us.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Keith snapped. “Who is he?”
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“He’s a friend, okay? A friend in need.”
“A friend, huh? How come you never mentioned this friend before?”
“Oh, fuck you, Keith! It’s not like I didn’t have a life before us. Or outside of us, for that
matter. You’re the one who keeps insisting we should see other people too, so don’t you get
all possessive of me now! I never told you about him, what does it matter? He’s here now,
and he’s going to stay for as long as he needs someone.”
“Are you fucking him?”
“Are you insane? You just saw him, did he look like he was up for a romp in bed?”
“No,” he admitted and scratched his head. “I guess I was just surprised, okay?
Surprised and disappointed. I wasn’t expecting to have a third wheel around.” As always
when we fought, the moment I’d had enough and started lashing out, Keith backed down.
He was the one with the temper, but I was the one he feared.
“Well, you better get used to it. I don’t know how long he will have to stay here for, but
it’s going to be a couple of weeks minimum.”
“Great.” Keith didn’t try very hard to hide his frustration, so I gave him a light shove.
“Quit the moping, Key. The pout suits you, but you’ll only end up with wrinkles
around your eyes and I sure as hell am not going to kiss it away now.”
“Ha-ha.” He rolled his eyes. “Not funny.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be funny.” Turning away from him, I went to fetch glasses and a
bottle of wine. After a moment’s hesitation, I only took two glasses. Noel wouldn’t be
allowed alcohol because of his medication, and although it wasn’t exactly polite to leave him
out, I needed a drink. I would have preferred something stronger, but I decided to stay away
from hard booze. I didn’t know what the night with Noel would bring, so I couldn’t risk
getting plastered.
“Wait.” Keith caught my arm when I brushed past him on the way back to the living
room. “What about us?”
Indeed, what about us? I shrugged. “His presence here doesn’t change anything about
us.”
“Oh. Good.”
“Great. Glad we got that settled. Anything else?”
Hurt sparked in his eyes, but he hid it quickly. “No.”
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I sighed. “Look, Keith. I’m not going to lie to you. There was something between us,
about a month ago. I don’t know what it meant, but he had a bad accident. He needs a place
where he can rest and heal, and I care about him enough to provide that space and anything
else he needs.”
Keith nodded slowly.
“So no reason to bite his head off, okay? Or mine.”
“Okay.” He smiled. “I won’t. But I guess that means we’ll have to change our plans for
tonight, won’t we?”
“What plans? I wasn’t aware we had any.”
He took a step closer and brushed a kiss on my mouth. “Well, I can hardly take you to
bed and fuck you stupid while he’s here, can I?”
“Um, no. No, you can’t.”
“Fine.” He sighed. “So what is it then? Dinner and the box?”
“I guess so.”
“Fine. Want me to order a takeaway?”
“Hmm. I meant to cook, but actually, why not. Let’s go back to Noel and ask him what
he wants, okay?”
“Sure.”
* * * *
An hour later, the atmosphere between us wasn’t perfect, but it had improved. Keith
had apparently called a truce and Noel had relaxed a little. He still shifted whenever Keith
looked at him, but he no longer seemed to wish himself somewhere else entirely.
“You gonna finish that?” I asked Noel and pointed at the plate he balanced on his belly.
“No,” he groaned. “Really, I can’t. I’m stuffed.”
“I doubt that. You’ve eaten hardly anything. Saying you eat like a bird would be an
understatement.” I gave him what I hoped was a stern look. “Seriously now. You’ve got to
eat properly. You look like a ghost and you need a bit of meat on you. Your body needs
energy to heal.”
“But I’m not hungry.”
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“Don’t make me feed you. I will if I have to, you should know that. Come on, eat half of
what’s left.”
“But—”
“Bloody hell, eat already!” Keith snapped.
Noel flinched and I was about to snap back at Keith, but then Noel picked up his fork
again. He didn’t look happy, but at least he ate. When Keith’s gaze met mine, there was
triumph in his eyes, an arrogant gleam of ‘See what I can do’?
I sent back a message of ‘We’re going to talk about this’ and made a mental note to cook
mostly high-calorific meals for Noel. If the stubborn man thought he’d get away with not
eating much, I would just have to make sure that what he ate would at least provide him
with as much energy as possible. I was determined to show Dr bloody Jones that I was well
capable of looking after his, now my, patient.
Getting Noel out of the hospital and into my home had turned out to be surprisingly
easy once the doctor had agreed. Noel had almost jumped out of bed with happiness when
I’d told him. The ensuing procedure of getting him ready which had included removing the
catheter and changing his clothes had left him exhausted and had somewhat dimmed his
mood, but his relief had still been obvious. Moving him into my flat hadn’t been easy since
Noel couldn’t climb the stairs. In the end the two paramedics who’d accompanied him had
simply carried him. Noel had been mortified and although he hadn’t done anything, really,
the transport had left him so exhausted that he had slept for a full three hours.
He still seemed tired. He stifled a yawn as he put down his fork for the second time,
with an apologetic look in his eyes. He’d managed to eat half of a fairly large helping, so I let
him off.
“Do you want to go to bed now?” It was only just past nine, but he had a lot of sleep to
catch up on and frankly, I wanted him away from Keith and his sour sideways glances for a
while.
I didn’t know if Noel recognised that part of my intentions, but he nodded.
“Okay. Come on then, let’s get you ready.”
Noel hated every minute of what was going to be his evening routine from now on. His
leg had healed enough to allow him to stand for a few minutes, but the cast made it
impossible for him to move and do certain things on his own. He took a painfully long time
in the bathroom. A long time I spent hovering in front of the door, listening for any sounds of
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distress and worried if he could manage—he was still weak and wobbly on only one leg after
all. I was relieved when Noel called me in at last. He looked tired and flushed from the
exertion but still in one piece. There was a knowing expression on his face and he attempted
a smile, but it was weak and faltered when I hooked his arm over my shoulder and slung
mine around his waist to help him to his room.
“Need a hand with the clothes?” I asked after I’d watched him struggle to undress
himself for a moment.
“I guess so.” Noel sat on the bed and let me take care of his clothing, wincing when he
had to lift his arm so I could pull the jumper over his head.
“Ribs still hurt much?” I asked and tried not to stare at the white patch that covered a
rather large part of his torso.
Noel answered with a lop-sided grin. “Usually I don’t really notice what with the pain
in the leg and all.” He chuckled. “No, really. It’s getting better.”
“Good.” I dragged off the rest of his clothes in silence, until I noticed him flinch when I
helped him change his underwear.
“What? Not the first time I've seen it, remember?”
He sighed. “Yes, I know.”
“Then why the sorrowful face?”
“Because… Oh hell, I hadn’t thought about all this when I asked you to take me home.”
“I don’t mind giving you a hand with this, Noel.”
When he didn’t reply, I looked up. His jaw was set and he chewed his lip, avoiding my
eyes.
“Come on, don’t be a baby. I’m sure what they did to you at the hospital was worse. At
least you no longer have to wear a backless gown.”
He rolled his eyes. “That wasn’t the worst of it.”
“No, I’m sure it wasn’t.” I gave his unharmed thigh a comforting rub, then pulled his
boxers over his hips. “It’s because it’s me instead of a nurse, isn’t it?”
The fact that he didn’t answer confirmed my assumption, but it couldn’t be changed.
He was here now. He’d have to put up with me being the one who helped him with things
he’d rather have done himself, and so would I. I tried not to squirm in sympathy when I
noticed him wince as he tucked himself in. “Sore, huh?”
“Yeah. Stings like hell when, uh, you know.”
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“Sorry.”
He shrugged. “Rosalie said only a day or two and all the painkillers I get block the
worst of it anyway.”
“Speaking of which, how’s the leg?”
“Okay. Or as okay as I can hope for it to be.”
“Meaning it hurts?”
He smirked. “I’ll pop another pill and go to bed, that should take care of it.”
“Will you be able to sleep?”
“I don’t know. But I’m here, and that is just so much better than being at that dreadful
place.” For the first time since we’d entered the bedroom, he looked at me. “Thank you, Nate.
For…for everything. You can’t begin to imagine how much I hated the hospital.”
Actually I could, but this wasn’t the time to confront him with his past. “You’re
welcome.”
He reached down and took both of my hands in his, then stroked them lightly with his
thumbs. “I mean it, Nate.” His voice was deeper and a little husky and despite the
awkwardness of the situation, his tone made my groin tingle. “I really appreciate what
you’re doing…getting me out of hospital and even putting me up here with you. It’s far more
than I had any right to ask of you, but I just couldn’t stand it any longer there. It was driving
me insane.” He lifted my hand and brought my fingers to his mouth. “Seriously, thank you,”
he repeated in a low whisper and brushed my skin with his lips, tentatively at first then with
more determination. Though light and teasing, his touches held an unmistakable promise of
more and I was reminded of the feel of that warm, capable mouth on my dick.
“Whoa, easy,” I gasped and pulled my hand back as I understood what Noel had in
mind.
“Huh?” He blinked, confusion clear on his beautiful, bruised face.
“I’m not… Don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Just…you don’t have to do that.”
“Oh, but I’m happy to do it,” he replied and lifted my other hand to his lips.
I groaned and freed myself. “Noel, stop it. Go to bed and sleep. I’m glad I could help
you. Good night and sweet dreams.” Ignoring Noel’s bewildered pout, I left.
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I’d decided to give him my room as it was closer to the bathroom, but half-carrying a
hundred and sixty pounds of man across the hall was no mean feat and I was exhausted and
not fit to deal with Noel coming on to me right now.
By the time I had made it back to the living room, I was ready to just crash, but Keith
clearly wasn’t. He’d settled on the sofa Noel had occupied earlier and pretended to watch
TV. I knew he pretended, because he’d never have watched the sports channel of his own
free will and he drummed his fingers on his thigh.
I stifled a groan. It seemed my home had become a minefield of hurt male egos while all
I wanted was to kick back with the rest of the Cabernet and an episode of whatever crime
series was on.
“That took a while,” Keith said, when I sat next to him.
“Yeah, so? He needed a clean-up and can’t do it all by himself.”
“Oh, clean-up, huh? You gonna give him sponge baths, too?”
I hadn’t even thought about that yet. “Yes. Probably. At some point. And?”
“Nothing. Just asking.”
I scowled at him. “Keith—”
“Okay, okay!” He raised his hands. “Whatever the kid needs. But you don’t expect me
to be happy about you taking in a stray, do you?”
Blood rushed into my cheeks and I clenched my fists. “A stray?”
“Yeah, well, what’s with his family? Friends? How come the only one who can help him
right now is you—someone who has never even mentioned him to his partner until now?”
I reached for my glass. There was no point deceiving him. Either he’d understand or he
wouldn’t. “His family are dead, Key. I don’t know if he has friends, but seeing as no one
bothered to visit him during a month in hospital and he’s never mentioned anyone, I’m
guessing that no, he doesn’t have anyone else.”
“I see. And how do you know him?”
I heaved a sigh. “He’s a hooker. Cyn booked him a couple of times and—”
“Wait!” Keith sat up straight. “That’s the guy? I thought his name was Cam?”
“Oh, so she told you?”
“Well, yeah. I even spoke to him on the phone a few times, to arrange their bonk
meetings. I thought he sounded familiar, I just couldn’t place him.” His eyes narrowed. “You
fucked him too, didn’t you? No point denying it, Cyn told me.”
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“What makes you think I would’ve denied it?” I snapped. “I’ve no reason to. You and I
weren’t even together at the time, and even if we had been, aren’t you the one who keeps
saying it’s okay for us to see other people?”
“I’m okay with us bonking other people, Nate,” he said. “I don’t care if you pick up a
random guy and fuck him, but I’m not too comfortable with my boyfriend bringing in street
litter to decorate his home with.”
I swear I had never been as close to losing it as in that moment. No one in the world
could make me as mad as Keith could, but this was a new record even for him. “I think you
should leave now.” My voice shook with barely controlled rage and Keith shrank back from
me.
“Look, I’m sorry, Nate, baby. I just care about you and don’t want you to get hurt,
okay? All I’m trying to say is that you can never really trust the likes of him. He’s a hooker,
and sod knows what else he might be up to.”
“Well, I appreciate your concern, Keith, but I think he’s hardly going to run off with my
TV and stereo system, do you? And he’s a whore, not a marriage swindler, so I already know
he takes money for sex.”
“I said that I’m sorry, Nate, and I mean it. You’re a great guy. Helping this kid is just
another proof of what a good person you are.” He’d inched his way closer to me and now he
was near enough to wrap an arm around my shoulders. I let it happen. “I don’t want you to
get used or hurt, baby, that’s all. Looking after him has exhausted you, I can see that, so come
on, let me do something for you now. Let me be the one who helps you while you help that
little stray of yours.” He’d said the word kindly this time, like a crooked endearment and no
longer an insult, and although I knew I shouldn’t have, I let myself be lulled by his soft voice
and the gentle fingers he had started rubbing my aching neck with. His other hand was on
my thigh and he caressed me through my jeans, trailing random figures that led him ever
closer to the inside and the top of my leg.
He was right. The day had left me exhausted. Physically and, worse, emotionally.
Noel’s story and the pitiful state he was in had become an ever-present pain that wrenched
my heart and I wanted to forget it, drown it all out for just a few moments. It was what had
made me crave strong alcohol earlier and it was what made me surrender to Keith’s obvious
advances now. And why shouldn’t I give in to him? He was my boyfriend. It was his duty to
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offer comfort and distraction when I needed it. That was what friends did, just the way I
offered comfort and distraction to Noel.
Keith cupped and squeezed my dick through my clothes and despite the physical
exhaustion, my body responded to his touch. My cock grew hard and I melted as he kneaded
my shoulders. I didn’t deny him when he undid my zip and tugged down my trousers. My
climax was fast and hard, the response to his knowledgeable administrations. He knew how
to bring me off within minutes, and I returned the favour, in the bed in my guest room. I
couldn’t make myself face more than a hand job, and I hated the smell of his semen on my
skin afterwards, but I didn’t want to go to the bathroom to wash it off.
I fell asleep with my back turned to Keith and my hand hidden under a pillow.
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Chapter Nine
I woke up in the middle of the night, not knowing what had disturbed me until another
blood-curdling scream had me out of bed, down the hall and in my own room in less than
two seconds. Tangled in sweat-soaked sheets, Noel was a shivering, crying mess. He’d
huddled up in one corner of the bed as far as the cast on his leg would let him go. At least he
seemed to be awake, although whatever horrors he had faced in his dreams obviously still
held a firm grip on him.
“Shh, baby,” I whispered, approaching him slowly. “Just a dream, it was just a dream.
You’re awake now, you’re okay.” I sat on the side of the bed and put my arm around Noel’s
shaking, tense shoulders, pulling him to me. “Just a dream, everything’s okay.”
The phrase became a mantra I repeated over and over again for a small eternity, until
he relaxed in my embrace. “Wanna tell me about it?”
He stiffened again. “No. No, I don’t remember. It was… I can’t remember.”
I suspected that Noel remembered very well, but I decided not to push him. He was
traumatised, I knew that much, and while I was convinced that talking about it was going to
help him in the long run, I could see that it was too early for him. He’d have to talk of his
own accord. If I made him pick at old wounds before he was ready it would only make it
worse, so all I could do was try to provide an environment where he felt safe. I held him,
stroked his bare arms and his shoulders until the last of the tension was gone and he sagged
against me.
The next time I woke, the muscles in my back shouted at me for having spent half of the
night sitting with my back leaning on the headrest. Somehow Noel had managed to curl up
on his side, his head resting in my lap. The way he clutched the sheets with one hand and
pouted just a little, his features softened by sleep, made him look a lot like a frightened child.
I wondered what the nightmare had been about. My assumption was it had been about
either the accident he owed his current injuries to or, more likely, the one before that. But
what had his tormented subconscious presented to him? The accident itself, when the car had
spun out of control, the endless minutes he’d spent trapped in the wreckage or the days that
had followed? Every single one of those moments was material for nightmares.
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At least he had slept the rest of the night peacefully. I stroked my fingers over thick
strands of black tousled hair. It felt nice, silkier without the usual gel in it. It was so smooth
on my skin.
“Y’awake?” Noel murmured into my lap.
“More like getting there. Did you sleep okay?”
“Hmm, yeah, I did actually.” Noel shifted and looked at me from underneath his
eyelashes. “Thanks to you, I suppose.”
I smiled down at him. “Think so?”
“Uh-huh. It’s nice to feel you. Have you near, you know?” Noel’s voice was low as he
gave up his grip on the sheets and slid his hand under them instead. He stroked my stomach.
“You’re warm and…firm,” he purred. “Solid.” He trailed his fingers lower, over my hip, a
few inches down my thigh and back up. I understood. It was a wordless offer, the same as
last night, although he seemed not entirely convinced of what he was doing. It was different
to how I remembered our love making all those weeks ago, when Noel had been supple and
willing underneath me, enveloping me in his tight, velvety heat and responding to my kisses
with eager lips. Back then, he had let go and taken what I’d offered him so gladly instead of
trying to do what he considered his duty.
“Noel?”
“Hmm?”
“You know you don’t have to do this, right? I meant what I said last night.” I tried not
to sound reproachful although I had half a mind to grab him and shake some sense into him.
“I know.” Noel smiled and moved his hand to the inside of my thigh, stroking sensitive
skin in small circles. “But I want to do it.”
“Do you really?”
“Mm-hmm.” Noel moved and nuzzled my chest through the thin cotton of my T-shirt
while inching his hand farther up my thigh. I stifled a moan. Damn. Bruised and wounded as
he was, an almost naked Noel still presented a delicious temptation and I’d been sporting a
raging hard-on ever since waking.
“Noel, stop. Look at me.” When Noel didn’t oblige, I tucked a finger under his chin and
tilted his head up, forcing him to meet my eyes.
“Are you trying to make me believe that you really want to have sex with me now?”
“Sure.” Noel’s smile didn’t look quite so certain. “It’s what I keep telling you, baby.”
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He tried to lower his head again, but I didn’t let go and tightened my grip around his
jaw. “I don’t believe you.”
Noel looked like he’d been caught with his fingers in the cookie jar. “Come on, we
deserve a little fun. I want you.”
“Don’t lie to me, Noel. I don’t think you want me right now and I don’t think you’re in
the mood for sex at all. No need to force it on you.”
“I’m not forcing anything. I want you. Why wouldn’t I? You’re a great fuck.” He
grinned. “And I know that morning wood is all for me.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks. And no, it’s not. Seriously, now. You’re still in pain. You
can’t move your leg and you didn’t sleep well. Doesn’t sound like the time to be in a sexy
mood to me.”
“I’m always in the mood, baby,” Noel insisted in his best seductive purr and rubbed
himself on me like a big cat. Well, actually, he dry-humped my thigh.
“Your body isn’t.” I slipped my hand between us and brushed Noel’s flaccid cock to
emphasise my point. “You’re not hard and don’t even think about telling me that’s merely
from lack of stimulation. I know your reactions. You’re not in the mood for it and your body
isn’t up for it either.”
Noel closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he didn’t meet my gaze. “It’s the
fucking meds I’m taking. They’re messing with certain body functions.” The seduction in his
voice had disappeared and he sounded embarrassed, but still he smiled weakly. “That
doesn’t mean I don’t want it though. You could always just fuck me. That part’s still
working.”
“For fuck’s sake, Noel!” I exploded. “You’re recovering from severe injuries, don’t you
get that? I know the meds keep your dick from working and frankly, you should be glad they
do! I wouldn’t want to be in your place if it got hard now after you had a fucking tube stuck
in it for weeks. And as for wanting it—that’s complete bollocks, and you know it. You’re
about as horny as the bloody bathroom floor and even if you could get it up, you wouldn’t
want to!”
Noel had shifted away a bit at my outburst and watched me with wide eyes. “How
would you know that?” he asked quietly after a moment of silence.
I sighed. I had to tell him. It was only fair in my opinion. “Those pills you’re taking—
they’re not just for the pain. Not all of them.”
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When I had picked Noel up from the hospital, Rosalie had made sure that I knew
exactly what to do with him. She’d explained how to give him his medication and what to do
in case of minor ailments.
The way she had fussed over Noel had reminded me of a mother hen up until the
moment she had taken me aside and slipped another package of pills into my hand. “Give
him one of these at night with the rest. They’ll keep him docile.” Taking in my confusion,
she’d grinned and winked. “Trust me, he’ll want to, but he won’t be able to. Side effect of the
painkillers he has to take for his leg. With these little babies and some luck, he won’t realise it
until he gets put on a different kind of pain meds.”
“Is this what I think it is?” I had asked her.
“I suppose so. I’m afraid he’ll be out of order for at least another month.”
“Do you really think he won’t realise something’s up?”
“That’s the point. If he takes these pills there won’t be anything up.” She’d grinned, and
I’d turned crimson.
“What should I tell him they are?”
“Just say they’re part of his pain medication. He doesn’t know what he’s getting since
he’s been given his meds IV so far.”
I had then tackled the subject like the grown man I was and worded my doubt.
“Seriously, Rosalie. He’ll probably get worried if he doesn’t get it up for a month.”
“Of course. That’s why these little pills will make him not even want to get it up. Don’t
worry, he’s used to the effect, he just isn’t aware of it or how do you think he could bear the
catheter?”
At that point I had abandoned the subject although I hadn’t felt good about secretly
giving Noel pills.
Noel’s voice brought me back to the present. “You’re giving me stuff to… So I don’t
want to fuck?”
“Basically, yes,” I admitted sheepishly. “Rosalie said it would be better if you didn’t
even want to since apparently you couldn’t anyway. She said you were given the stuff at the
hospital so it would be easier for you to tolerate the catheter and that you were used to the
effect.”
“Oh.” Noel looked surprisingly calm, but there was a giveaway tightness in his voice.
“Well, I guess that makes it all right then to basically castrate me.”
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“How was I supposed to know that sex would be the first thing you’d try? I thought
you had other things on your mind.”
“That’s not the point, Nathan. Has it occurred to you that not getting an erection might
simply worry me? Why didn’t you just fucking tell me?”
“I don’t know. I would have told you, but Rosalie said you were used to the effect and
probably wouldn’t even realise it. If it’s any consolation, I didn’t feel good about giving you
the stuff. I probably would have told you eventually but… This is the first night you’re here
and I’m still finding my way around, okay? I’m not a doctor. I don’t know what meds you
need to take. I can only do what I’ve been told and rely on it being the right thing for you.” I
cupped Noel’s stubbly cheek and traced his jaw with my thumb. “I know you needed to get
out of that place and I’m glad I could help you with that, but I’m not going to interfere with
your medication. Not even if it makes you uncomfortable.”
“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable so much as that it’s weird. Like my body doesn’t
belong to me anymore,” Noel grumbled and sneered. “So you’ve known all along that I
wouldn’t be much use to you, huh?”
“Fucking hell, Noel, don’t start again! I didn’t bring you here expecting you to thank me
with your body and I wouldn’t want you to even if you were up for it! All you have to do is
heal and get well. Besides, what sort of egoistical bastard do you think I am? You certainly
know how to make a guy happy in bed, but do you really believe I consider you as just a
convenient hole to bring me off? Get it into your head, Noel—whatever kind of sick fuckers
got to use you in the past, I’m not one of them. I want the person you are, not the sex toy, so
you might as well stop offering yourself like that. I’m not interested.”
Noel stared at me. The expression on his face was unreadable. “I should have never
asked this of you,” he whispered at last. “I didn’t have any right to. I’m sorry.”
“If by ‘this’ you mean getting you out of that hospital and saving your sanity, you’re
wrong. You were right to ask me for help and I’m seriously delighted that I could—can—
give it to you. All I’m saying is I don’t expect you to thank me for it, least of all that way. I’m
doing this because I care about you.” I reached out and stroked his hair. “I want to see that
beautiful smile of yours again. I want you to be happy and the only way I want you to
express your gratitude is by getting better, okay?”
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“Okay,” Noel nodded slowly. “I guess I’ll try to do that then.” He looked up, quirking a
smile in spite of the obvious sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to annoy you. I
suppose I’m just not used to people not wanting that from me. Guess I’ve lost my appeal.”
I smiled. “Trust me, you haven’t lost any of your appeal. You’re by far the sexiest man
I’ve ever seen. I just don’t want to take advantage of you, that’s all. You deserve better than
that.”
“You really think that?”
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well, I just, uh, whatever.” Noel seemed puzzled but apparently didn’t want to
discuss the point any further. “Thank you,” he added in a low voice. “For everything. It
really means a lot to me.”
“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” Pulling him closer, I breathed a kiss on the top of his
head and smiled. “Want to stop taking those pills?”
Noel toyed with the seam of the blanket, then he said, “Well, I’m not particularly happy
about the effect it has, obviously,” he said. “But that’s due to the pain medicine anyway, so
there’s not much point in not taking the stuff that will make it easier for me to put up with it,
is there? Besides, to be honest, I just really don’t feel up to anything—no pun intended.”
“So you’ll keep taking them, then?”
“For the time being, yes.” Noel shrugged. “At least now I know there’s nothing wrong
with me physically. Although I really can’t remember ever having gone so long without.” He
gave me a lop-sided grin.
“I’m sure you can’t. Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
“Nn-nn.”
“Good. I think it’s time for us to get up and start the day, get you dressed and on the
sofa to watch TV and me on my computer to do some work. What do you think?”
“Okay,” Noel agreed and started his struggle to get out of bed.
* * * *
Yes, I’d clean forgotten about Keith. I’d left our bed in a frantic hurry the night before,
then been distracted by Noel to the point where seeing my boyfriend standing in the kitchen
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now came as a bit of a surprise. He had a cup of tea in his hand and a sour look on his face. I
was in trouble.
“Had a good night?” he asked.
“No.” Brushing past him, I went to put the kettle on. “Noel had a nightmare and was in
pain, so I sat with him to help him settle.”
“You’re quite the good Samaritan, aren’t you?”
I took two mugs from a cupboard and shovelled some instant coffee into them. “Just
trying to help.”
“Right. So you said last night.” He put his cup into the sink. “Anyway, I have to go to
work. Give me a call when your schedule allows for it.”
That had been easier than I’d dared hope for. We exchanged a quick, dry kiss, then he
was gone. I listened to the sound of his car’s engine starting up, but it was drowned out by
the noise of the kettle coming to the boil. I sighed, rubbed my aching neck and braced myself
for the day.
* * * *
We settled into a routine with surprising ease. Once Noel had accepted that he needed
my help with certain things, he didn’t fight me every time any of them had to be done. His
stubborn attempts at independence kept him struggling to get better fast. The broken leg was
still giving him a hard time, but he threw himself into physiotherapy with impressive
enthusiasm and managed to move around the flat mostly on his own, if still wobbly, within
just a few days.
I’d taken Keith for a long, conciliatory dinner on the second evening of Noel’s stay.
We’d talked, I’d assured him that I wasn’t interested in Noel and even hinted at the fact that
Noel’s lurve rocket was out of order. That, along with a session of conciliatory lovemaking
seemed to have done the trick. Keith had apparently stopped considering Noel a threat and
was a lot more docile around him. He even went as far as keeping him company in front of
the box and having the odd chat with him when I had to get some work done.
What hadn’t changed however were the frequency and intensity of Noel’s nightmares.
After a week of waking up to his screams and getting up to calm him, I put my foot down
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and simply moved back into my own room, with Noel, at least on the nights that Keith didn’t
stay over.
Noel still woke me with his terrified yells and frantic thrashing, but it was a lot easier to
just reach out and pull him into my arms which helped him shift into a more peaceful
slumber most of the time. Not always, though. It was a month to the day of Noel’s moving in
with me when I once again woke to a blood-curdling scream of horror.
“No!” Noel cried, his voice loud in the peaceful quiet of the night. “No! No! Don’t…”
He howled again and again until his voice broke and his body shook with wordless sobs. I’d
been awake in an instant. Noel was tangled in the sheets, drenched in sweat and twisting and
turning madly as if trying to run away from whatever horrors had him in their grip.
“Shh, baby, shh. It’s okay. Just a dream,” I soothed and dodged one of Noel’s elbows. It
hadn’t been this bad in days. Noel was way beyond being calmed by soft words.
“Wake up, Noel!” Grabbing him by both shoulders, I pinned him to the mattress so
neither of us would end up hurt. “Wake up, you’re dreaming. Ouch, stop kicking, will you!”
At last he went limp and his breathing became more regular as he started to wake up.
He blinked in bleary confusion, obviously trying to figure out where he was.
“Noel. Wake up, baby. You’re okay. It was just a dream. You’re safe. I’m here for you,
nothing’s gonna happen to you.” I repeated the words until he seemed to recognise me and
realised where he was. “Just a nasty dream, baby. I’m here, I’ve got you,” I whispered into
his ear.
Noel stared up at me. His eyes were still wild and unfocused, but then suddenly, he
slung his arms around my neck and pulled me down while arching up until our mouths met,
surprising me so much I just let it happen. He tasted nice, just as I recalled, and his lips and
tongue seemed to remember all the ways I liked to be kissed as well. And they did their
usual magic on me. I buzzed all over and he hadn’t even touched me yet. When he did, I felt
like my body was awakening from a slumber. My groin tingled and ached and my cock
started to fill from nothing more than the gentle brush of his fingertips on my cheek.
I’d had sex with Keith several times in the weeks we’d been together. We worked, but it
had never been like this with him. Where Keith’s touches were mechanical and merely
stimulating to provoke an effect, Noel’s were appreciative caresses that made me feel like the
luckiest man in the world. His hand on my shoulder was enough to make me shudder in
delight. When he trailed it lower, down my front and across my chest, I was helpless. He
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brushed my nipple with his palm and a moan escaped me. I felt the soft burst of his chuckle
on my lips. He knew how much I adored nipple play, and he’d never failed to indulge me.
He pinched the little nub, sending sparks of pleasure shooting along the hot-wire connection
to my cock. And all the time he kissed me.
I’d sworn to myself I wouldn’t take advantage of him and the situation he was in, so I
made one more attempt at freeing myself from his grip, but Noel was determined and locked
our lips in another one of his breathtaking kisses. He pushed up, pressing his body against
mine as best he could with what little leverage his good leg gave him. The hard ridge of his
erection ground into my hip. I was lost. Lost in the moment, lost in the dizziness of waking in
the night. Lost in him, his smell, his heat, his taste.
“Noel,” I groaned with what little resistance I could still muster. I’d backed off a bit to
gulp in some air and maybe try to stop free-falling into this bottomless pit of arousal, but
Noel didn’t let me get any farther than that. One hand still locked around the back of my
head, he used the other to touch every bit of my body he could reach, still kissing me with
almost painful intensity.
“Fuck me,” he panted without letting go of me. “Please, fuck me.” Even without the
words it was obvious what he wanted. And I wanted him, too, but how could I?
“Noel, sweetheart, we—”
He let out a frustrated groan. “Please, Nate, I need you. So much… Please! Fuck me. I
need to feel you, please.” He arched up again, rubbing himself on me while his hand was on
my cock, squeezing me through my pyjama bottoms.
“But you can’t,” I protested. The last of my self-control slipped away from me.
Noel groaned again, sounding even more frustrated and urgent than before. “I’m hard,
I’ll come in about three seconds, but that’s not the point. Just fuck me. I need to feel you
inside me so much, please Nate, let me feel you!”
My mind spun. I wanted him, despite everything I’d been trying to tell myself, despite
all the resolutions I’d made. I wanted to feel him and have him with a passion that scared
me, and yet I never would’ve taken him for me. I would have fought my arousal with
everything I was worth if I’d thought he was still trying to recompense, but this was no
longer about Noel offering himself to me for my pleasure. It was about Noel asking for what
he needed, probably for the first time since we had met. He needed the kind of distraction
and physical relief only the act of lovemaking could bring. I didn’t care what that meant,
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didn’t care about the consequences. All I wanted was to give him the peace of mind he so
obviously craved. “Okay, easy. I need…uh, condom.”
“Fuck the condom,” Noel snapped, tugging at my waistband. “Just get those off.”
“But what a—”
“Fuck it, you know I’m clean! You’ve seen all my blood test results, repeatedly.”
“Yes, but what about me?”
“I trust you,” he said simply.
“Shit.” I dragged off what was left of our clothing within seconds, not caring if any of it
wound up ripped, then I froze. “Lube.”
“What about it?”
“Empty and the new one is still in the bathroom.”
“Oh, uh, fuck. Uh, just use the oil,” Noel spluttered, pointing at the bottle he used to
massage his leg.
I picked it up. “I just hope this works. At least it smells nice.”
“Don’t care, just rub it in.” Noel spread his legs. He moaned when my slicked-up
fingers met his skin and he pushed back into the touch. He hadn’t lied about being hard, I
noticed as I carefully worked my way into his body. He’d never needed much preparation,
but it had been too long for him to handle this urgency as it was and no way would I have
risked hurting him.
“Relax, baby, you’re far too tight,” I told him. “Can’t get you open for me that way.”
“Just stick it in, that’s gonna make me open,” Noel grumbled and rolled his hips to get
more of me inside.
“Nn-nn, too soon.”
“Don’t care. Want to feel you. Don’t care if it hurts.”
“You sure?”
Noel looked up at me, green eyes dark and intense. “Sure. Fuck me. I want to feel you.
The harder, the better. Don’t worry. I won’t break.”
It was a dark mood that made him ask for this, but I had to trust him. He knew what he
could handle.
I rubbed some oil on my shaft, then squirted more of it into Noel’s hole, which made
him yelp indignantly. I kissed his knee. “Want you slick at least.”
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I pushed into him and nearly came right then. Noel’s body didn’t make it easy for me to
hold back. His muscles succumbed to my effort at breaching them easily enough, but he was
so fucking tight I thought he was going to crush me. It wouldn’t work. I was about to stop
and withdraw when Noel wrapped his arms around me and pressed into me, impaling
himself on my dick in one long thrust. I ground my teeth against the fireworks that were
about to go off in my groin. I could feel him tighten even more and flinch at the pain this
forceful intrusion must have caused, but he seemed to recover fast. He rocked slowly against
me. The oil helped, but the friction was damn near killing me. Noel was going to feel me for
days.
“Oh, yes, so good. Want to feel you, need you inside. So deep, so…uh, hard.” Noel
babbled along, rolling his hips in shallow movements. I had regained enough control to
allow me to thrust into his velvety heat and finally his muscles relaxed around my shaft as
his body remembered how to open up for a lover. When I didn’t have to worry about
damaging him anymore, I set a pace of slow but deep thrusts. Noel’s erection poked me
firmly in the belly. It was a lovely sensation. He was recovering fast. The doctor had changed
his medication only yesterday and had said it would take a couple of days until its effects
wore off, but Noel obviously needed much less time than that.
“Hmm, seems my attention’s required.” I brought my hand between our groins and
grabbed his dick, pleasuring him with long, tight strokes, when Noel surprised me by going
rigid under me.
“N-no-oh! Close…ungghhh.”
It was too late. Sticky liquid poured over my hand and on my belly as Noel shuddered
underneath me. He moaned again, jerking through the spasms of his climax. I gave him time
to ride out the after waves before I kissed him again.
“Damn, you’re easy,” I teased. I’d stopped moving.
“Sorry.” Eyes still closed, Noel responded to my kiss, then he opened his eyes. “You can
go on, you know.”
“Sure?”
“Yes.”
“Not too sensitive?”
“Nn-nn.”
“Most guys I know don’t like it. After, I mean,” I explained warily.
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He smiled. “I’m not most guys, baby. Fuck me.”
I moved again, carefully, testing his responses. His body was pliable and his urgency
gone, but he didn’t seem to be uncomfortable. He let his head fall back and took what I gave
him, rocking gently with each stroke. I watched him, taking my time enjoying the sated
expression on his face, the relaxation that softened his features for probably the first time
since the accident. “God, you’re beautiful,” I told him and suddenly, my orgasm was right
there. It slammed through me, made me forget space and time for a few precious moments
and left me breathless and exhausted. I crashed on top of Noel.
“That was, uh, unexpected,” I whispered when I had caught my breath. I raised my
head for a kiss.
“Hmm,” Noel purred and licked his lips afterwards. “Good though. Much needed.”
“But you weren’t ready. I should have taken more time. You’re gonna feel this for a
while.”
“I know.” Noel smiled sleepily with half-closed eyes. “I want to. That’s the point,
sweetheart. I wanted to feel you. It’s nice if the feeling lasts for a bit.”
“You’re just gonna conk out now, aren’t you?” I observed.
“Uh-huh.” Noel closed his eyes and turned his head on the pillow, snuggling up and
not caring that my cock was still inside him.
I pulled out. “Sleep tight, sweetheart. I’ll clean us up.”
I was fairly sure that Noel didn’t notice any of the wiping down I gave him a few
moments later, just as he wasn’t aware of me slipping back into bed with him and gathering
him up in a protective embrace.
I was too confused to go back to sleep. What had just happened between us changed
everything, or so I thought. I didn’t know if it meant as much to him as it did to me, or if I
was just making a fool of myself again. I’d made that mistake before, hadn’t I? Assuming that
what had been earth-shattering, life-changing sex for me had been the same to him when
really it had been just another fuck for him. I had to face the truth. Our bodies might have
known each other well, but I had no idea who the man in my bed was.
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Chapter Ten
I had been sure that I was too wound up for sleep so it came as a bit of a surprise when
I woke up in a sunlit room, a sleep-flushed Noel locked in my arms. Nuzzling the short hair
at the nape of his neck, I inhaled his warm, spicy scent. A moan slipped out of my mouth and
I could feel Noel’s resulting smile rather than see it, but I knew it was there nonetheless.
“Morning, sleepy,” I said.
“Morning, sweetheart,” Noel answered and turned to face me. “Oh, ouch,” he groaned
mid-shift.
“Leg?”
“Not so much, no.” He looked a bit embarrassed and might even have blushed a little
although that could have just been from sleep.
My tired brain caught up. “Oh, sorry. Of course. Is it bad?”
“No. It’s okay.” Noel smirked. “Just…present. Good job I don’t walk around much
anyway.” He leaned up for an almost shy kiss. “Definitely worth it though.”
“You think so?”
“Oh, yes. It was good.” Looking at me, he frowned. “Don’t you think so?”
“Well, no. It was good.” I was well aware that my grin could only be described as
goofy. “Just…well, as I said, unexpected. Very spur-of-the-moment. And irresponsible. I
didn’t mean to hurt you, baby.”
“It’s okay. Really,” Noel said, and shifted a little. “It hurts in an entirely good way.
Besides, I wanted it that way. I just… I guess I needed it to be like that.”
“Painful?” I prompted.
“Not as such, no. I just needed…you. Needed to feel you, the life in you. The fact that it
hurt just made it sharper somehow, more intense.” He sighed. “I’m full of shit, aren’t I? I’m
sorry. I think I was a bit out of it last night.”
I snorted. “A bit? You were a mess, sweetheart.” I stroked Noel’s hair back from his
forehead. “A beautiful mess. Wanna talk about it?”
“I’m not sure what there is to talk about.”
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“Well, your nightmare. All of them, to be precise. Your sudden urgency to get fucked,
no matter if you were ready or not. The fact that you let me fuck you bare. The fact that you
managed to get off so soon.” I shrugged. “Anything you like, really.”
He didn’t reply. He remained immobile for so long that I wondered if maybe he had
fallen asleep again, but then he said, “I offered you an interview back then. About what my
life is like. If you still want it, we can do it.”
“What, now?”
“Yes.” The tightness in his voice told me that he wasn’t doing it just for me. He needed
to talk and rid his soul of secrets he’d kept for too long.
“Okay. Let me just go get my recorder.”
He put a hand to my arm. “Recorder?”
“Yes. I record interviews rather than take notes as it allows me to focus on the
conversation.”
“Right. Uh, I guess that makes sense, so yeah, go on and get it. Just…I want to get
dressed first and do it in your living room.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I’ll meet you there in five minutes.” It was a clear dismissal, so I got out of bed,
picked up the clothes I’d taken off before our frantic rumble and padded off to use the guest
bathroom. Noel could manage on his own by now and I knew that he needed time to himself.
I also knew that there was a risk that he’d change his mind if he had time to think about it,
but there was nothing I could do about that.
Noel didn’t change his mind. He turned up five minutes later, dishevelled and delicious
in jeans and a T-shirt.
“Looks good,” I greeted him. He glanced down at himself and tugged at the jeans self-
consciously. “Does it?”
“Yes.”
“Thanks again for getting me these.”
“No problem. Seems you’ve finally grown into them.” The clothes had been an impulse
buy. I’d wanted him to have something decent to wear when the time came that he was sick
of wearing tracksuit bottoms. I’d guessed his size almost right. The jeans had been loose
when he’d first tried them on, so I was pleased to see that they now fit him well and hugged
his long, lean legs and shapely arse.
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I was tempted to brush a kiss on his pouting mouth, but the set line of his jaw clearly
said that it wouldn’t be welcome.
“I told you I would, didn’t I?” Noel shrugged and followed me to the living room.
“Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? Juice?” I offered as I watched Noel gingerly
settle in the big armchair. The cast was off, so he could move more freely and he stretched his
legs, curving his slender body in an enticing line.
“Just some water is fine.”
I fetched his drink and sat down on the sofa, facing him. The atmosphere between us
was peculiar and tense, almost as if we were strangers. There was nothing left of the raw
intimacy of the night before and I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to address the
topic that hung between us like an armed bomb. Noel remained just as silent and watched
me from beneath lush dark eyelashes. Finally he broke the silence. “I don’t mean to rush, but
I can’t sit in this chair forever, you know.”
I laughed uneasily. “You’re probably right. We should get started. How do you want to
do this?”
Noel shrugged. “I haven’t got a clue how this works. You tell me.”
“Well, we could do it in chronological order, I suppose. You could just start at some
point in your life and go from there.”
“What point would that be?”
“Any one you want. Some point in time at which you think something important or
influential happened. It’s your choice.”
“Is that how you usually do it?”
“It’s one way, although most people tend to leave out a lot that’s happened along the
way because they either don’t remember it or just don’t think it’s important enough to tell.”
“What’s the alternative?”
“I could ask you questions about certain topics. You can choose how detailed you want
your answer to be. You can tell me more than that, obviously. Anything you want to say.”
Noel took a sip of water. “Let’s do that then and see how it goes. So, what do you want
to know?” He leant back again, looking relaxed enough, but I wasn’t deceived. The muscles
in his jaw stood out with tension and his hands were clenched into fists.
I switched the small digital recorder on and stated my own name, the date and time but
left out Noel’s name. I wanted to keep this anonymous, so it was better if the details didn’t
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turn up anywhere, not even in my own records. Besides, I could still add it if required. “How
about we begin with some facts? How long have you been doing this for?” Starting with easy
questions would hopefully get Noel to relax a little. He stared at me and shifted in his seat. I
gave him a reassuring nod and smile.
“Almost four years.”
I winced. “You’re what, twenty-four?”
“Yeah.”
“So you started at age twenty?” I kept my voice neutral and calm. Noel was too tense
and unfocused and wouldn’t talk freely if I didn’t manage to put him at ease. Not that I felt
capable of putting anyone at ease, being a bundle of nerves myself.
He picked at the hem of his T-shirt. “I guess.”
“Don’t you remember?”
Noel mulled over the question for a bit then took a deep breath and sat up a little
straighter. “It was two months before my twentieth birthday.”
“You remember it that exactly?”
He gave me a cynical look. “They say the first’s the hardest trick, don’t they? It’s the one
you’ll remember. After that, it’s just a matter of logic. A job you get paid for.”
“Was it hard for you the first time?” Not quite the kind of easy question I had wanted to
start with, but this was about showing him that I was paying attention to his words.
“It was…okay, I guess. I had worse afterwards. I suppose it just stuck on my mind
because, well, he was the first.”
“He? Was it the first time you had sex with a man?”
“No. I did that before. He was just the first who paid me for it.”
“How did you feel?”
For the first time, Noel looked as if he would refuse to give an answer. “Used,” he said
quietly. “He told me what he was going to pay, took me to his room, fucked me and got out
of bed. I didn’t mind any of that, but when he gave me the money, I felt used. Rented. I think
that was the moment I understood the term rent boy. It’s not a particularly nice feeling, but
like so much else, you get used to it.”
“Do you really?”
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He stared at me for a long moment. “You do eventually. It’s the deal. You do what they
want and they pay you for it. It’s when you start thinking they’ve got the right to do it that it
becomes a problem.”
“Why?”
“Because it makes you lose yourself. Lose your soul.”
“Do you think that? That they’ve got the right to treat you the way they do?”
He shook his head thoughtfully. “No. I don’t think it’s what I deserve. It’s business, but
the choice of what I do and who I do it with is still mine.” He sneered. “I have some pride
left, you know.”
“Do you plan on doing something else with your life? Get a day job perhaps?”
Noel bit his lip and rubbed his forehead. “There ain’t much I can do. That’s why I
started doing what I do in the first place.”
“Why not? Didn’t you get some sort of job training? You could still do that. You're
young and smart.”
“Maybe, but that’s not the point. Most companies are not particularly keen on
employing an ex-con.”
“You’ve been to prison?” I instantly regretted letting my surprise show in my voice, but
Noel ignored it and nodded. When I pointed at the recorder he answered with a quiet “Yes”.
“What did you do?” I asked.
“Let myself get caught with drugs.”
“Shit. The serious kind?”
“Yep.”
“How old were you?”
“Sixteen when they got me.”
I closed my eyes and forced myself to ask. “Did you use too?”
“Nn-nn. I worked for a dealer who would make me take the real hard stuff like coke to
his customers. He made me do it because I was just a kid. He knew that if the police caught
me, they’d have to let me go. Ironically, that was what saved me. For most underage drug
dealers it’s only a matter of time until they start using themselves if they don’t already do so
in the first place. They nick some of the goods they sell to sample them and that’s it. But you
don’t get to do that with coke. It’s too valuable, so gets monitored well.”
“I see. But the police caught you and didn’t let you go?”
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He sighed. “No. No, they didn’t. Well, they had done a few times, but then I’d turned
sixteen and the cop who’d snatched me up really took it seriously. Apparently he asked the
judge to pull some strings so I’d end up in prison.” He chewed his lip. “I guess he saved my
life with that, although I didn’t see it at the time.”
“Well, you were off the street. I’ve heard people say that prison for underage felons
wasn’t too bad. Did you get to do job training?”
Noel let out a sarcastic chuckle. “In a way. I’ve no idea who told you that crap about
prisons, but the only training I ever got was being showed how to deep-throat a guy without
choking and to keep quiet when I got fucked raw.”
I was too shocked to comment. I stared at him, open-mouthed while my brain tried to
simply not acknowledge what I’d heard him say. It failed. “I’m so sorry, Noel. Who did this
to you? Another inmate?”
He didn’t bat an eyelid. “There were five. Two of the inmates, three guards.”
“The guards were in this too?”
“Sure. They were the ones who started it. The night I arrived they handcuffed me to my
bed and told me the rules.”
“The…rules?”
“Yes. They thought I was cute, so they offered me a deal. I was their boy toy, did what
they wanted and in return they made sure I was never alone with the wrong crowd. I had a
similar agreement with two of the inmates. I kept them happy and they protected me from
the others. It was a good arrangement, the best I could have hoped for.”
I needed several long moments to digest this information. So Noel had been taught to
use his body to protect himself from worse abuse than what he’d suffered at the hands of
those corrupt prison guards.
“Don’t look at me like that, Nate,” Noel said softly. “Just for the record, my time there
wasn’t as horrifying as you might think it was. Those guys were actually quite nice and
generous to me and they didn’t even have to force me. I was a horny teenager and once we’d
sorted out what exactly the deal was, I considered myself lucky to get laid frequently.”
“Huh. I guess I’ll just have to take your word for that then,” I said. “Can I ask you
something?”
Noel’s eyes narrowed, but he nodded.
“I know you have sex with both men and women,” I started cautiously.
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Noel raised his eyebrows. “And?”
“I just wonder. Why do you do it with both?”
“Why not? It increases the rate of potential customers significantly.”
“Yeah, okay. But before you went to prison… Did you, um…?”
Noel let out a soft chuckle. “Are you asking if the experiences I’ve made corrupted me?
No worries, Nate. I’m bisexual. I’m attracted to both men and women. I’d fucked people of
either sex even before I went to prison.”
“You’re really bisexual? Interesting. I read somewhere that genuine bisexuality was rare
and that most people actually just experiment because they think it’s fashionable.”
“Funny. I read somewhere that most people actually have the inclination to be attracted
to their own sex, but that only few of them ever dare giving in to that attraction because they
worry about social standards too much.”
“Touché.” I smiled. “What is it for you?”
“I genuinely enjoy fucking men and women.”
“Okay. Do you have a lot of female customers?”
“There are some.”
“Are there? I would’ve thought that it’s not exactly something a lot of women want.
Isn’t paid sex more something men ask for?”
Noel grinned. “You’d be surprised.”
“Is there a difference between a female and a male customer?”
“Oh yes, definitely. They’re very different. Men are more upfront about it while women
usually try to mask it. Even when they’re desperate for a fuck, few of them will just say so
and take me to bed. The ones who do that are the ones who do it regularly, like Cyn. You
know, most women want attention. A girl wants to feel special, so you have to spend time
with her, talk to her, make her feel good about herself and get her in the mood.” He winked.
“Guys usually just want a good fuck.”
“And which do you prefer?”
Noel heaved a sigh. “A preference is a luxury I can’t afford. My job is to satisfy my
customers, not to make myself happy.”
“So you don’t care if you’re with a woman or a man?”
“Not sexually.”
“But?”
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“No but.”
“I can’t help having the impression that you restrict your answers to sex. What about
relationships?”
He rolled his eyes. “Nathan, I fuck people or let them fuck me. I don’t have
relationships.”
“And here you go again. What is it you’re not saying? Have you ever been steady with
someone?”
Noel took a moment to answer. “I was steady with three people so far. A guy and a girl
when I was still a teenager and another guy about a year back. He couldn’t cope with my
profession and I didn’t try to find someone else after he left.”
“Why not?”
“There’s not much point in it. My job is murder on love. I know that and I promised
myself to never again ask someone I love to put up with it.”
“Then why don’t you quit?”
The chuckle that escaped Noel’s throat didn’t sound amused at all. “Because I have bills
to pay.”
“Maybe you should really find a different job.”
Noel stared at me for a moment, green eyes glittering. “You’ve got an answer for
everything, haven’t you? It’s all so fucking easy in your perfect little world. What job do you
think I should find? Hey, newsflash, baby—there aren’t many employers who think that the
ability to deep-throat nine inches qualifies you for a job in their company. And that’s still not
considering the fact that I was in prison.”
“No need to bite my head off, okay? You’re being unfair to yourself. You’re smart,
you’re cultivated, you look great in a suit. I’m sure there must be something you can do with
that.”
“Are you? Well, maybe you can tell me when you found that job. What? What are you
looking at me like that for?”
“Nothing, just… Nine inches is quite a lot. Can you really swallow that much?”
Noel gave me a lop-sided, dimpled grin that was so cute it made me want to jump him
despite the seriousness of our conversation. “It’s the longest I measured,” he said. “Although
I sucked off a few guys who had an even longer dick. Besides, the length isn’t the problem,
the width is.” Catching my eye, he slyly added, “About two inches.”
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“Ouch.”
“Yeah, well.” He shrugged. “It gets easier after a while.”
I groaned. “Shit. You’re not seriously telling me you enjoy all that, are you?”
He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. “I like sex as much as the next guy,
Nate. I’m not saying it’s the perfect job, but yes, I enjoy some of what I do.”
“Clients like Cyn?”
He frowned. “Yes. Clients like her. And you, for that matter.”
“But you’re still selling yourself,” I pointed out. “No matter what name you put to it
and no matter if your clients wine and dine you first. You said so yourself.”
He shook his head and made a face. “You don’t understand, Nate. I started at the very
bottom of the ladder, but I had just started working my way up to classier clients when the
accident happened. Before that, there were nights when I let myself get fucked by up to ten
guys. In six hours. A lot of the time I even did it without protection. I still do a couple of dirty
jobs when I need the money. I’ve done gangbangs, laid myself out as a party treat and I got
auctioned off in sex clubs after doing on-stage performances that would make your skin
crawl. I’ve done a couple of other things that I’m not particularly proud of, but you shouldn’t
worry your pretty little head with that. The point is that at least I get to decide what I do and
it’s better than washing dishes. I don’t mind letting people use my body. It’s just sex.”
“Is it really?”
He stared at me long and hard, then he started talking. I didn’t need to see what he had
done. What he told me made my skin crawl indeed. He told me the truth, and didn’t spare
me any of the gory details of his occupation. I listened and eventually lost track of time. It
wasn’t hard to figure out what Noel had dreamt about when he woke up screaming.
When he had finished his story, I was still fighting back the tears that wanted out for his
sake. And he hadn’t told me the hardest part yet. “But that’s not all your nightmares are
about, is it?” I asked, hoping that we could drag out and slay his demons once and for all, but
my plan failed. His jaw locked and his eyes grew cold.
“No. No, it’s not, but how about we keep that story for another day? I’m not sure this is
the right time.”
“Don’t you think you’d feel better for getting it all out?”
He seemed indecisive, but then he cleared his voice and said, “Not now. I’ve told you
too much already and anyway, don’t you have to work?”
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“No, actually I—Fuck, yes, in fact I do!”
* * * *
The peace and quiet of the late morning was over at that point and the day turned into a
hectic one. I’d missed a deadline, so I had to rush to my little office at my publisher’s and get
a last-minute report on a very unimportant topic finished. I managed to have it on my
editor’s desk five minutes before he would’ve taken out the thumb-screws, so he let me off.
Swearing not to allow for another close call like this one, I grabbed my coat and left.
I couldn’t wait to get home. I missed Noel like mad. I tried to tell myself that was all
there was to it, even though I knew that I also longed for The Talk. He’d told me so much
and had been so close to opening up to me yet further and I needed to know where we stood,
once and for all. Even if the outcome wouldn’t be what I wanted to hear, I preferred taking
that risk to this state of uncertainty.
Acting on impulse, I stopped at a deli. I didn’t know what Noel liked, so I ended up
buying a variety of small tubs of different things, along with a loaf of fresh, crusty bread and
a bottle of champagne. I was being a bit of a presumptuous bastard, but I wanted to be
prepared. Just in case.
The TV was on when I entered. Noel had taken to one of the latest American crime
series and this was his ‘do not disturb’ hour, which suited me just fine. It gave me time for
preparations.
“I’ll be with you in a bit, just making dinner!” I called across the hall and carried my
bag of goodies through to the kitchen.
The champagne had come pre-chilled and the food was in pretty little containers that
could be used for serving, so all I had to do was stick the bottle into a cooler and arrange all
the tiny tubs on a plate. I checked my watch. Noel’s show would be over soon. Good. I was
hungry and couldn’t wait to talk to him, but I’d be patient for just a bit longer. I cut up the
bread, nibbled a piece of crust and dumped the rest in a basket, then I took glasses from the
cupboard.
“Hey honey. You’re home.” The sound of Keith’s voice was so unexpected it made me
jump about a foot. The glass I’d just grabbed dropped and shattered on the floor.
I spun around. “Keith!”
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“Yes. Surprised?”
“Uh…” A nervous chuckle escaped me. “Yes. I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Oh. You weren’t?”
I realised my mistake when he glanced at the food on the table and the bottle sitting in
its cooler on the counter.
“So you guys have something to celebrate then?” Keith enquired.
I let out another laugh, equally nervous and high-pitched with insincerity. “Just a little
treat after a hard day, mostly.”
“Ah, right. So you had a hard day, huh?”
“Yes. Missed a deadline and the ed was well pissed off with me so I had to go to the
office and fix it.”
He raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. “Missed a deadline? Wow, when was the
last time that happened?”
“It’s been a while.” My heart rate was finally back to within a normal range, so I knelt
and picked up the shards.
“Well, I guess it was bound to happen seeing as you’ve so much on your hands lately,”
Keith observed.
I froze mid-motion. There was an undertone in his voice that I didn’t like. Not at all.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shrugged and plucked a fat, stuffed olive from its box. “Just saying.” He popped it
into his mouth and chewed before he said, “I haven’t exactly seen much of you the last
couple of weeks.”
“Well, you know the reason for that. I can hardly go out and leave Noel alone to fend
for himself.”
Keith snorted. “Why not? He’s a big boy. I’m sure he’ll get by.”
“He won’t. He’s still not as steady on his legs as he should be and I just don’t feel good
about him being alone at night.”
“Right.” Keith gave me a long, hard stare. “And that’s all just because of his leg, isn’t
it?”
“Sod it, Keith!” I exploded. “I’ve had enough. I’m not stupid. I understood that you
were playing at something pretty much right from the start, so if you’ve got something to
say, why don’t you say it?”
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He grinned. I clenched my fists. The bloody bastard had the cheek to actually grin.
He must have read my thoughts on my face, because he held up his hands. “Easy,
okay? Easy. All I’m saying is that you spend an awful lot of time with your little whore and
now it’s affecting your work.”
“I told you not to call him a fucking whore!” I roared.
A muscle twitched under Keith’s eye. “Why not? That’s what he is and if you weren’t
so blinded by this stupid schoolboy crush you have on him, you’d see that. And accept it. He
sells himself to every dirty piece of shit in this city and fuck knows what else he does or has
done. Is that really what you want? Do you want to sit at home and wait for him while he is
out sucking off fat old bastards in a stinking back street?” He shook his head. “You know
what, Nate? You’ll only end up hurt. You’re a fucking idiot for pouring all this time and
energy into him, that’s all.”
I was just about to give him the appropriate answer when I noticed Noel standing
behind Keith, leaning on the doorframe. He was ghostly pale.
“Don’t fight, please. Not on my account,” he whispered. His voice shook, but he
squared his shoulders and continued. “He’s right, Nate. I am a whore, you know it and it’s
not going to change.”
I stared at him, livid with rage at Keith and grief for Noel. My mind reeled with a
thousand things I wanted to say to him, but none of them found their way out. At the bottom
of my heart, I knew he was right. Of course he was. I couldn’t deny that. But I could tell him
exactly how I felt.
“I don’t care what you are, Noel,” I said very slowly. “Or what you have done. But I
care about you. I know that there’s a reason for you to be who you are, just as there’s a
reason for all of us to be who we are. Rosalie told me about the accident. About your
parents.”
He flinched and swayed and clung on to the doorframe with a white-knuckled hand.
“You…you know?”
“Yes. I know. You were somebody’s son. You loved your parents and your parents
loved you. I’m sure they wanted something else for you, something better, but I’m also sure
that they would still love you, no matter what you are or what you have done. You deserve
to be happy, just like everybody else. You deserve better than to be used for your body. And
you sure as hell don’t deserve to be judged because you’re making a living the only way you
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know how to. No one has the right to judge you, Noel. Keith doesn’t, I don’t, nobody does,
and don’t ever let anyone tell you anything else.”
Silent tears streaked Noel’s cheeks. The sight tore at my heart and I took a step towards
him, but froze when he raised his hand.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “It means a lot what you just said. I wish I could believe it,
but the truth is different. You’ve done so much for me already, Nate, and it seems that all I
cause you is trouble.”
“No, you—”
“I should just go.”
“Noel—”
“Shh.” Noel wiped away his tears and looked at me with bloodshot eyes. “I’m leaving. I
can’t stay with you, Nate. Keith is right. You pour all your time and energy into me while I
have nothing to give you other than—” A sad chuckle tore from him. “Well, I guess we all
know that there’s only one thing I could use to pay you back, but that just isn’t an option in
the long run. I’m infinitely grateful for everything you have done for me. It’s more than I
could ever have hoped to be given, but now’s the time I have to stop taking.”
“But you have nowhere to go!” I protested.
He made a face. “Give me some credit, Nate. There was a time before you. I’ll get by.”
“What about your leg?”
“It’s better. I might not be able to run yet, but I can walk. That’s a start.”
“Right. So you won’t run away from me, just walk.”
Noel nodded. “Yes. Just walk. But I will walk, and even at a walk, I’ll get somewhere.
Just please don’t come after me, Nate.”
“Why not?”
“Because you make me long for something I’ve given up every hope to have.”
Despair and the fear of losing him made me irrational. “Noel, you can have everything
you ask for. Anything. Just say it.”
I saw the answer in Noel’s eyes even before he opened his mouth. “I can’t, Nate. I can
only survive if I don’t care and don’t feel. When I’m with you, my heart is on the line, and I
can’t ever allow for that to happen. It hurts too much and I just can’t bear it.”
I didn’t follow him. Like a mere spectator, I watched him turn around and go. His limp
broke my heart, but at the same time it filled me with pride. He was back on his own two
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feet, which was a huge achievement. He wasn’t running yet, but he could walk. Just that it
meant that he walked out of my life.
To his credit, Keith didn’t say a word. He looked very much put out, apologetic, even.
“What is he going to do?” I whispered after a sheer endless time of silence.
Keith shrugged, then put his arms around me and tucked my head under his chin.
“Don’t worry about him, Nate. You heard what he said. He’ll get by. The likes of him always
do.”
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Chapter Eleven
Six months later
I wasn’t at all sure what to expect when I followed Keith into the building. A club visit,
Keith had said with a sly grin on his face. He loved to go to clubs, loved to spend the night
out in town, always on the search for the next hip location, the next spot that saw a kind of
action you’d find it hard to believe. Or I would, anyway.
It didn’t take me long to figure out that this was not the average night club—far from it.
Not even the raunchier kind, where some of the substances on sale were just as dubious as
the people who sold them.
“You got us into a fucking sex club!” I snarled at him when understanding kicked in.
Keith gave a cheerful nod, as if he was pleased with the effect his surprise had had on
me. “Too right. Let’s go and find us a place to play, shall we?”
I stopped him with a hand to his elbow. I had to clench my fingers hard to keep him
from walking on. “Wait. What exactly do you mean by ‘play’?”
His grin was easy and wide, but it sent a chill along my spine. “Aw, come on, baby. I’m
sure you know what kind of games people play at places like this.”
“No, I don’t,” I corrected, feeling the bite of irritation in the pit of my stomach. “I mean,
of course I have a certain idea. I just don’t know what you imagine us to be doing here.”
Keith carefully taxed me as he said, “Let’s just have some fun, okay?” His lips twisted
into a smile. “Spice things up a bit, huh?”
I had to make an actual effort to unclench my jaw muscles so I could answer him. “I
don’t want to spice things up and I thought you knew that my idea of fun is not this!”
Jabbing my finger, I indicated a small group of three men walking past. I watched them,
and the sight rewarded me with a mixture of curiosity and disgust. Two of them had a third
in their midst. He wore a collar and leather chest harness, nothing else. The man on the right
held a leash that was clipped to the collar while the one on the left fondled the middle guy’s
arse and dick as they walked.
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I averted my gaze. I liked to think I wasn’t prudish. Hell, I’d had my share of one-night
stands and sneaked out of the flats of guys whose names I’d never bothered to learn. I’d
risked my clean police record for the odd urgent blow job in a back alley and I’d got myself
laid by a whore. I’d done all that and barely batted an eyelid, but this was more than I was
comfortable with.
Keith should have known that. He knew that while we’d never proclaimed our
relationship an exclusive one and, technically, had never proclaimed it a relationship at all, I
honoured what we had. I’d given up sexual encounters with other people, apart from those
times with a certain green-eyed, broken god, but Keith knew about those. I’d never lied to
him about my activities with Noel, and sadly, he’d never lied to me about his. No, we were
not exclusive.
Keith had a taste for young, beautiful bodies paired with uncouth minds that had him
chasing after boys half his age. Not that he’d ever crossed the line. He was very conscientious
about that and even went as far as asking for ID when in doubt, but he couldn’t seem to
resist a certain type. I’d stopped caring. I’d understood long since that none of those boys
changed anything about us. They didn’t threaten our loose ties because they were not
relationship material in Keith’s eyes anyway and we were not serious enough for him to care
if I had minded his small army of lovers.
Sometimes I wondered why I didn’t look for more elsewhere, but the explanation was
simple—it was easier this way. I could get myself laid whenever I wanted to and didn’t have
to search for an acceptable guy first.
“Don’t be a spoilsport now, Nate.” Keith’s lips were pursed in that disdainful way of
his. He didn’t like not getting what he wanted. I sighed. I rubbed my forehead and raked my
fingers through my hair, then I sighed again. “What’s the plan exactly?”
Keith knew he as good as had me. His shrug was careless, but his eyes were
triumphant. “Let’s just see what happens. They have some good shows and maybe we'll find
some inspiration there.”
“Keith!”
“All right, all right.” Chuckling, he held up his hands. “I do want to watch a show. Get
us in the mood, and then I’d like to find a pretty boy we can share.”
The air left my lungs. “Share?”
“Yes.”
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So that was it. He wanted a threesome. A dish on the side not just for him but a meal we
would share.
He turned to me, his head lowered for intimacy. “I want to watch you, Nate. I want to
see you fuck one of their little party treats stupid.”
His hands were on my hips now, caressing my skin through my jeans. “I want you to
put on a show. For me.”
“Fuck, Keith.” I bit back a moan. Why did his suggestion turn me on so much? Was it
the rough tinge in his voice that I knew so well or the fact that I, deep down, yearned to do
what he asked of me?
I wanted Keith, but sex with him didn’t work that way. Never had. He’d fuck me six
ways from Sunday, but while he allowed me the occasional reluctant exploration of his
insides, he never surrendered to me, never gave himself over. Not in the way Noel had, that
night he’d been so desperate and clung to me as if he’d never let me go.
Noel. The thought of him was enough to chase away the beginning swell of my flesh
Keith’s suggestion had caused. At the same time, the memories of his body against mine, his
hot skin under my hands and his excited breath on my neck stirred something inside me that
Keith had never reached. Would that be the solution? A relief of sorts, if I followed him now
and buried myself in another willing, youthful body? One that wasn’t Keith’s which I knew
so well, but not the sweet perfection of Noel’s either. In those strange, confusing minutes, in
the foyer of a sex-club, my lover’s familiar touch on me, I realised which one I craved.
And I realised that Keith’s offer was not the selfish adventurism I’d mistaken it for, but
an attempt to provide some relief for me. It was ridiculous, and I should’ve laughed it off. I
should have taken him home and let him screw my brains out, touched by his wish to make
it better for me and allow me to wallow in reminiscence for what I could no longer have.
What he offered was escapism of the finest—potent make-believe, but I didn’t know if I
would be strong enough to see it through.
“Keith, I—”
Cupping my chin with his big hand, he tilted my face up and kissed me. “You’ve had
your heart set on that bloody bugger for far too long,” he whispered against my lips. “There
are plenty other fish in the sea, even if I might not be the right one for you.”
Breaking his hold, I leant back. “Keith, you idiot, what makes you think—”
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“Shush. Do you think I can’t tell that you’re still smitten with your little whore? You’d
take him back right this minute if he let you. You’d throw away everything you have for him,
including me. No,” he said, sharply when I tried to protest. “It’s true. You would. Maybe you
haven’t realised it yet, but you will.”
“Huh. And you think setting me up with a stranger will fix that?”
He exhaled his breath on a short sigh. “No. No, it won’t. But it might unwind you a
little.” The way he shifted and avoided meeting my gaze told me there was more.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Keith!”
He made a face and his shoulders sagged. “This is the kind of environment your pretty
whore boy lives in.” He jerked a thumb, indicating a group of people across the room, some
feet away from us. “Those are the kind of people he socialises with, Nate. Not well-off,
award-winning journalists or art museum curators.”
I understood and glared at him. “You dragged me here to put me off him once and for
all, didn’t you? For fuck’s sake, Keith, I know what he is. We’ve been through this. I don’t
need to get an eyeful of shabby sex club or see how tricks and treats meet. I know all that. I
saw what it did to Noel, and trust me, that was far more off-putting than a spunk-stained
mattress and a hairy-backed ape who indulges his taste for fresh meat.”
Hell yes, I was mad at him. And I no longer bothered to hide it. I even let my gaze
linger on him, watching him with raised eyebrows and pursed lips. So what if he thought the
ape comment was about him. The little demon on my shoulder even whispered to go on and
tell him something that would seal the deal. Keith knew it was over anyway, so telling him
here and now would only be fair on both of us. But I couldn’t. I’d made it a rule never to
break up with someone I cared for in a fight, never to cross a line with words that could not
be unsaid. And yet, staying wasn’t an option.
Biting my lip, I turned away from him. Not down the road, in the direction we had
come from. No, I turned to the club’s reception desk. The sound of Keith’s sharp intake of
breath followed me along the way. The shuffle of his feet on the grubby carpet came a little
later, as if he’d needed a moment to make himself move.
“Shit, Nate, what are you doing?” he whispered and grabbed my arm.
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“What you wanted me to do when you took me here,” I replied and flashed the guy
behind the reception desk a smile as I approached him. “I’m going to find me a hooker.”
* * * *
Dramatic though my words to Keith had been, they were just that. Drama. I had no
intention of getting involved with a whore, at least not in the business one usually did. I just
wanted to stroll around the premises, watch and maybe talk. Something Keith had said kept
rewinding in my mind.
‘This is the environment your pretty whore boy lives in’.
Yes, indeed. It was the environment Noel and people like him lived in and I couldn’t
help thinking that maybe there was a tiny chance. No, I didn’t dare admit it even to myself.
The possibilities of that were too low for zero. When Noel had left, he’d made me believe that
he was going to run far. A sex club across town was not particularly far, not even when the
town was London.
I put it down to a sick sense of fascination, a need to revisit what I’d lost at least on
some level. Pathetic that the only way I could connect to the man I’d fallen in love with was
by mixing with a crowd I’d never dreamed of being near of, relationship or not.
I paid the fee and filled in a form without really looking at it, then I walked down the
corridor which took me to my designated area of entertainment, the gay section of the
establishment. I hated to think about just how much of an industry it was if they had
separate sections to cater to heterosexual and homosexual needs. I would have thought
operating one or the other would be enough in every respect, but apparently I’d been wrong
there.
At the end of the hallway I turned left as the receptionist had told me to do. The aisle on
the right led to the BDSM playrooms, which really wasn’t where I wanted to go. Believing for
even a second that Noel could be here was ridiculous, but I knew for certain that he wouldn’t
be playing with Doms and subs. Not that he wouldn’t be good at it, but I assumed that he
was still selling his favours to the mainstream clientele.
The public playroom was nothing more than a big open space with several niches
containing beds. Some of those were empty, some occupied. Two young men wearing
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identical pink jock straps were busy changing sheets on one of the beds. Even the staff looked
inviting.
I turned away and crossed the room, taking in more and more of the details as I went.
Actually I tried to discreetly check out all those strangers’ faces, driven by the tiny but
stubborn spark of hope to see his among them. I hated to admit this to myself, but what was
the point in lying about it? I’d made my decision the moment I’d left Keith in the foyer—
Keith, my lover and boyfriend who loved me in his own way but didn’t stand a chance at
getting back what he invested. I wasn’t over Noel, never would be. When he’d left, he had
taken a piece of my heart with him. A piece that I, as it turned out, couldn’t seem to live
without.
I trailed around the premises, bumping shoulders and elbows with the crowd of
sparsely dressed strangers. The only allowance I’d been willing to make had been to take my
shirt off. Although the workout routine I’d developed mostly to balance the mental strain of
writing had given me a fairly good shape, I had no desire to show off my assets. I wasn’t here
to hunt or be hunted, and I ignored the appreciative glances I received.
A gathering of people around a small stage attracted my attention. Their shoulders and
heads blocked my view, and of course that only increased my wish to see. I got closer than
ever to those unknown bare bodies, but I succeeded in squeezing my way through the wall
they formed and finally had a clear view of the stage. What I saw instantly made me wish I
hadn’t bothered.
The man on the stage was naked apart from the tiniest jock strap I’d ever seen. Its sole
purpose seemed to be to keep his junk from blocking the view as he lay on his back, legs
spread to expose his most intimate region. He was putting on a great show of stuffing
himself with a dildo the size of which had me wonder how it could even fit inside him. He
had narrow hips, exquisite pale skin and not a single hair on him except for the thick mop of
black curls on his head. I couldn’t see his face, and for a moment my heart felt like a lump of
lead. The similarity was striking, but I’d already seen the parts of him that told me he wasn’t
my Noel.
The skin on the boy’s torso and left leg was smooth as silk, not marred by the web of
scars the accident had left on Noel’s body. And still, all the time I watched him, I couldn’t
help thinking that it could have been Noel. He’d done the same thing, hadn’t he? Being the
party treat was what he had called it. Entertaining the crowd with his show, leading them on
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with his beauty and sheer lack of inhibitions until they were willing to pay ridiculous
amounts of money for the privilege to take him backstage.
They rarely got what they hoped for, he’d admitted in a voice that had been flat with
shame. The act was exhausting and he would sometimes do two or three in one night, which
meant that more often than not, the naughty fantasy on stage was good for nothing but a
quick fuck behind the scenes. It didn’t seem to matter to most guys, as they’d had enough
foreplay just watching him, but sometimes they wanted more. Noel had hid his face from me
when he’d told me about the power of will it had taken to grind his teeth and let them get on
with it. The pain he’d endured to keep the customer satisfied.
In a cruel quirk of fate, this was the moment the boy on stage turned his head and
stared straight at me. I found everything Noel had told me about mirrored in his eyes. Shame
and endurance, strength born of despair, and the underlying wish for it to stop—no matter
how.
Looking into his eyes killed me. They were blue, not green like Noel’s, but it didn’t
matter. I ached for him with the same intensity the other men must have done, with the
difference that with me, it was the heart that ached. With them, it was their loins.
There was nothing I could do to help him. Frozen with regret and sympathy, I watched
him go on with the show. The dildo was inside him once again, too deep to not have hurt,
but he didn’t show his pain. He’d pushed the waistband of his jock strap down, below his
balls, so it lifted and showed off his package. Despite all, he was hard. His handsome
erection stood straight and proud. Too straight and proud, and I wondered what he’d taken
to achieve it.
He didn’t jerk off, didn’t spoil his spectators’ fantasy by revealing the end. Instead, he
showed them all they could have if only they wanted it enough.
A second man had appeared on the side of the stage—the auctioneer. The expression on
his face said it all and the men around me seemed to know the drill. Hands were raised,
looks exchanged and the worn-out fantasy was sold off. I didn’t know what was in store for
him but seeing the greedy grin of the man who’d placed the last bid made me sick with
apprehension.
“Five hundred!” I shouted and squirmed when all the heads turned to me. It was a
good sum, more than the others were willing to spend. I didn’t know how much freedom I’d
bought him, but it would have to do.
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He got to his feet, frowning, as if trying to make sense of what I’d just done.
He was shorter than I’d thought, but older. Whoever had said that stage light was cruel
and brought out wrinkles didn’t know that it could also make a person shine. He didn’t look
at me as he led me along a marked-off path to a private playroom. I watched the long line of
his spine, the swing of his narrow hips and the rhythmic shift of his buttocks. I’d never been
less aroused by a beautiful naked man.
He didn’t waste any time. As soon as he’d closed the door behind us, he turned around
to me. “How do you want me?”
I’d dreaded the question. Expected it, too, but it made me squirm nonetheless.
“Comfortable,” I said. His eyebrows went up. “Get dressed if you like and sit on the
bed. Or just get under the blanket and sleep if you’re tired.”
“What?” He didn’t say it out loud, but the tone of his voice transmitted, are you insane?
I shook my head and smiled. “I’ve no desire to fuck you. We can talk if you want, but
I’m not going to make you if you don’t.”
His erection hadn’t flagged, confirming my suspicion about it being of a chemically
enhanced origin. He, too, had become aware of it and scratched his belly. Then he gave his
swollen cock a light rub as if trying to settle it. Of course it didn’t, and he turned away from
me, crossing the room to a tiny locker tucked into a corner.
He punched in the combination, opened it and took a pair of track suit bottoms out. His
cock tented the front, but it was easier to pretend it wasn’t there now. He sat on the bed, one
foot tucked underneath the other leg and rubbed his thigh.
“What do you want?”
“I just told you—nothing.”
He snorted.
“I just thought you could do with a break.”
“That is one hell of an expensive break,” he said.
“Well then, use it wisely.”
He looked at me. His expression had changed. There was nothing left of the glorious
fantasy now, just a fleeting memory stuck to the face of a weary man. “How did you know?”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to tell him about Noel. “I just guessed.”
He picked at a loose thread on his knee. “Just guessed, huh?”
“Yes.”
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“Who is it?”
“Who?”
“The one you really wanted to save tonight.”
I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. My stomach churned and I even thought I’d felt
bile rise. Was I that easy to read? “What makes you think—?”
He silenced me with a flick of his hand. “I don’t flatter myself believing that you’re
interested in me.” He let out a sad chuckle. “No one is. Not the guys out there who watch me
fuck myself, not the ones who pay to fuck me back here and most definitely not the one who
swoons in here with a stash of money and buys me an hour of rest.”
“An hour? Is that all you get?”
“Yes. So use it wisely.”
He leant back, resting his weight on one outstretched arm. The other lay across his lap,
casually blocking the erection I knew was still there.
I didn’t know if he was mocking me, but I did know that he was not offering me
another chance at his body.
“Goes by the name of Cam, probably. Early twenties. Tall, a little over six foot, slim, but
good muscle-tone. Green eyes and black hair, cut a bit like your own the last time I saw him.
Gorgeous smile.”
The corners of my companion’s mouth had tilted up. “Are you asking me or trying to
tempt me?” A frown appeared on his face and he became serious again. “There are a lot of
guys that fit that description. Anything more distinctive?”
I winced. “He’s got several scars on his body. Chest and leg. He might have a limp.”
He sucked in some air, pulling it through his teeth in a low whistle. “Poor boy. What
happened?”
“Accident. Do you know him?”
For all of one second, I believed to know what his answer would be, but then he shook
his head. “Sorry, mate. I can’t help you.”
“‘S'okay.” I turned to the door.
“Sure he’s a hooker?”
“Yes,” I ground out.
“Do you know his hang-out places?”
“His what?”
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“The places where he usually goes. Most boys have their accustomed places. Makes it
easier for tricks to find them and not get in each other’s way.”
“I see.” How could I have been so stupid? Of course Noel would have his places. I just
had to find out where they were. “Listen, um… He was trying to work as an escort right
before he, uh, left. Maybe he’s succeeded and—”
“Escort?” The man laughed. “Mate, if your boy’s an escort, you’re wasting your time
here. Trying to find one of the pricey boys in a place like this is like trying to find a Ferrari at
a scrap yard.”
“Is it?”
“I don’t know.” He flashed his teeth. “Never looked for a Ferrari at a scrap yard.”
“Well then, thank you anyway. I appreciate it.”
“No problem, mate. Fuck knows you paid well for it.”
My hand was already on the doorknob when the sound of his voice stopped me. “There
aren’t many chances a rent boy has to become an escort, you know.”
I turned back to him. “Meaning?”
He shrugged. “Escort agency is nothing but a posh term for pimp. The ones that exist
have the city divided between them. Few of the boys get to do their own thing. Most of them
get snatched up by an agency at some point and work for them.”
“I see. And is there a name or any other clue you can give me so I’ll know where to start
looking?”
He scrunched up his face. “Dunno. Did he ever mention a Dahlia?”
“Dahlia? No. Who’s she?”
“Dahlia Logan. She runs an escort service. Snatches up pretty boys and turns them into
pretty and expensive whores. She’s said to be choosy, but if he wasn’t too run-down when
she found him and is as gorgeous as you make him sound, she might have him. Although…”
He scratched his head. “I’m not sure she’s interested if he’s damaged. She likes her boys
pretty.”
“He got those scars only recently,” I pointed out.
“Doesn’t matter. If he loses the looks, she loses interest. It’s simple.”
“What would happen to him if she lost interest?”
“Dunno. She might just kick him out. Depends on how much he knows about her
business, I suppose.”
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He stifled a yawn. I noticed that he’d shifted into a more natural position, so his
condition had probably subsided by now.
“One more question, then I’ll let you enjoy the rest of your break. This Dahlia, she’s a
pimp, I understand that much. Does she have her hands in other businesses, too?”
“Let me put it this way—if your pretty boy is with her, then the chances of him being
clean are minimal.”
His words made my blood freeze. I should have expected it, really. Noel had said he
didn’t appreciate chemical aids, but saying it was easy. Really, what were the chances of him
not using? All I had to do was look at the heap of deflated magic in front of me. The effect of
whatever he had taken was wearing off rapidly. His face was pallid, with an unhealthy green
tinge, and he seemed barely able to keep his eyes open.
“Remember the five hundred quid I paid to buy you some rest?” I asked as I opened the
door. He nodded tiredly. “Consider it an investment in your future. Go get yourself sorted
out.”
He raised his head. “Huh?”
“Get help. You deserve better than this.”
“Yeah, right. And how do you know?”
I shrugged. “Everybody does.”
The door fell shut behind me. I didn’t expect him to do as I’d said. The impression I’d
left wasn’t that great. I’d had to say something even though I didn’t have the time, the energy
or the need to get involved with him. He wasn’t my responsibility.
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Chapter Twelve
The episode at the sex club had left me restless. Like the blood that seeps out when the
scabs are torn off a half-healed wound, my memories of Noel returned to the surface. They
brought with them the emotions I’d thought I’d buried. Regret, yearning and love, all of
them stronger than ever. They were impossible to ignore any longer, but still I tried to put on
an act. What was I to do? Track down this Dahlia person and make her tell me where she
kept Noel? If he was with her, I’d never know and if she told me he wasn’t, I’d never believe
it. It was catch-22, and all I could do was ignore it all and try to get on with my life.
The shrill ringing of the phone yanked me out of a perfect blue moment of reminiscence
on a sunny Saturday afternoon.
“Hello?”
“Nate?”
“Hey, Keith.”
A brief hesitation, then, “Hey.”
“What’s up?”
Another moment of awkward silence. “Um, nothing. I just, uh, needed to talk to you.”
“Okay. ‘Bout what?”
In the long seconds that followed, I could picture him easily. He would be gnawing his
nails, the way he always seemed to do when nervous. And pacing. Yes, I was sure he was
pacing.
“Us.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Yes. Um, you see, the thing is…” The words were mumbled, as if he was speaking
with his mouth full. There was a faint sound as if he’d spat something out, then he said, “I’m
not sure we’re working anymore.”
“Did you just bite off your nail?”
“Huh? Uh, yes. Nate…”
“Yes?”
“You know what I’m trying to say, right?”
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I’d had it coming. It had been over between us ever since that night at the sex club two
weeks ago. We’d both known it and I admired him for the strength it must have taken him to
talk to me anyway.
“Yes. I know.”
“Good. Listen, uh, I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
He was polite enough not to call me a liar. “We had some pretty good times, huh?”
“Yes.”
“Any news of him?”
I hadn’t expected him to go there. Neither of us had mentioned the N-word in the past
fortnight.
“No.”
“Sorry.”
I was polite enough not to call him a liar. “Thank you.”
“So you’re gonna set out to look for him now?”
“Dunno.” I sighed. “Probably not. From what I found out so far, he’s probably run by a
female pimp who keeps her boys on a chemical leash.”
He gasped. “No shit!”
“Uh-huh. Nothing I’m keen on getting involved in.”
“No, definitely not.” He heaved a long sigh. “Listen, Nate. We may not work out as a
couple, but I still love you—as a friend and if you need me, I will always be there for you,
okay? Just give me a call or drop by. Whenever. Any time.”
I took a breath. His unexpected offer to support me, the sheer extent of his kindness had
left me at a loss for words.
“Nate? Nate? Oi, did you just hang up on me?”
A chuckle tore from my tear-choked throat. “Nn-nn. Course not.”
“Shit, baby, are you crying?”
“No.” I sucked in a gulp of air. “Not yet.”
There was just the sound of his breathing at the other end. It was a bit shaky, as if he,
too, had to fight down a sob.
“Want me to come?” he offered.
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I was tempted. Very much so. “Oh, Keith. Thank you. I’m touched by your words,
but—”
“You can’t let me.”
“No. No, I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair on either of us.”
“Right. It wouldn’t be. But still, the offer stands. Give me a call if you need me.”
“Thank you, Keith,” I whispered, but the beep of the dead line was the only witness to
my words.
I remained standing there for a while, phone in hand. There had been good times, lots
of them, and the way Keith had handled this had brought the tiny flower of love that wilted
away in my heart back to bloom for a few precious minutes. This was no one’s fault, we just
didn’t work anymore and it had been over between us before. We had just refused to admit
to it.
The pain I’d expected didn’t come but neither did the relief I’d hoped for. The sad truth
was, I was free to find my Noel now, but I didn’t know where to start looking.
* * * *
I had no idea how one went about contacting a hooker, much less a pimp. Noel had
given me his card back then, but the number on it was no longer available. My new friend in
the sex club had given me nothing but the name Dahlia Logan and that didn’t help me much,
so I decided to make a long-overdue phone call.
“Hi, Lenny.”
“Nate! Good to hear from you! How are you, mate?”
“Fine, thanks. You?”
“Brilliant. What can I do you for?”
“I need information. Name’s Noel Thornton, but he also goes by Cam Euston.”
It was quiet on Lenny’s end for a moment as he scribbled down some notes. “What’s he
look like?”
“Tall, dark hair, green eyes. Uh, dimpled chin and cheeks.”
“Ooh, someone seems to have met the man of his dreams,” Lenny teased
absentmindedly. “Age?”
“Twenty-four.”
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“Wow, Nate! Got yourself a boy toy. I’m impressed. He any good?”
“Shut up, Len. Think you can find him?”
Lenny’s shrug travelled along the telephone line. “It’s not much. Any other clues?”
“He’s done some time. Can’t be too long ago and… His parents died in a car crash
about eleven years ago.”
“Ouch. Poor thing.”
“Yes. And he’s a hooker.”
“Oh, fucking shite, Nate! You never fail to amaze me.” Lenny heaved a sigh. “I’ll see
what I can do, but I can’t promise anything, okay?”
Which meant that Lenny would go after the faintest trace of Noel with the grim
perseverance of a bloodhound. He was a private investigator, the kind that Hollywood never
tired of making films about. He’d quit the police after being injured in a shooting and had
since become one of the best sources of information for anyone who needed to know
something and required discretion.
“Thanks, Len.”
“You can thank me when I’ve found your boy.”
“Len?”
“Yeah?”
“Does the name Dahlia Logan ring a bell?” I knew the answer from the half-suppressed
gasp. “So bad?”
“Well, she’s said to have a firm hold over her studs. Keeps them on short reins but
hands ‘em out like pony rides at a fair.”
I winced. “And feeds them high,” I provided. Lenny wouldn’t have spared me that
piece of information. Knowing him, I guessed that by not volunteering everything he knew
at once, he was trying to find out how much I knew.
“Yep.”
It was easy to picture Lenny Kramer in his crowded, dusty office. He’d sit behind his
old, worm-eaten desk, leaning back in his chair and one leg—the right one, which still gave
him trouble after a bullet had punched through his thigh—propped up on the worn surface.
There would be a mug in his hand, full of strong black coffee, and a frown on his face as he
figured me out. “You love him.”
“Yes.”
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“Does he love you?”
“I don’t know.”
He snorted a chuckle, then said, “He might not want you to come after him.”
“I don’t care. I want him out of there.”
“You might get hurt.”
“I know. And I don’t care. Knowing what he’s going through hurts more.”
There was a brief silence. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I know.”
“And he might get hurt too.”
I sighed. “I know that, too. But being where he is now is hurting him already.”
“You’re sure he’s with this Dahlia then?”
“It’s what I’ve been told. And it makes sense.”
“So if you know that she has him, why don’t you just arrange for a date?”
My stomach churned. Indeed, why not? “I’d have to find her first. Know how to get in
touch. She’s not exactly moving in the same circles I’m in.”
“Would those be the circles that provide you with information you need as a
journalist?”
“Lenny!” I groaned.
“What? It’s the easiest solution to your problem. You can find out if he’s even interested
in the help you offer before you try to drag him off into your own lair.”
“I don’t want to drag him into my lair!”
“Well then, what do you want?”
“Just…” I bit my lip. Indeed, what did I want? “I want him to be happy.”
“Maybe he is happy. Maybe he doesn’t want you to get involved.”
“Lenny, he’s a fucking whore! He sells his body to fuck-knows-whom. It makes me sick
just to think that some dirty bastard might have his paws on him right now.”
A deep sigh, then, “I know, Nate. I know.” I could hear Lenny take a sip of his coffee.
“And I’m sorry, mate. Really, I am. But maybe he’s okay with it. I know there are some guys
who—”
“Don’t you fucking tell me he’s okay! He’s not in the porn industry where a horny,
good-looking guy can make some serious cash by getting laid and gets to act out some dirty
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fantasies while he’s at it. He does what his trick wants, not what he enjoys. He told me all
about it. And if his trick is a fat, old, stinking bloke he’ll—”
“It’s okay,” Lenny cut me off with quiet determination. “I get it. He needs you to stride
in on your big white charger and come to his rescue.”
I rubbed my face with my free hand, then pressed the tips of my index finger and
thumb to the corners of my eyes. What could I say? Yes, I thought Noel needed to be saved.
Yes, I wanted to be the one who came to his rescue. And yes, deep down I knew that his
trauma had messed him up so much that he thought he actually deserved to be where he
was, despite what he’d told me.
“I can’t just give him up, Len. I can’t turn away and leave him to rot.” A lump of
despair blocked my throat and I knew my voice would shake with the next sentence. “I know
this life is destroying him, and I know that he won’t fight it. He needs someone to fight his
corner and drag him out of the mess he’s got himself into. And it looks like there just isn’t
anybody else, so I will have to do it.”
Lenny took a breath. “Fine. So I’m going to find a contact and hire the boy for you.
Once you got him in a safe place, you can talk to him. But I strongly recommend you find out
how much he wants to be saved, because if he’s using and doesn’t want out, there’s no way
for you to win.”
“I know,” I admitted, staring at the floor. The tiles were grubby, well past their due-for-
a-clean date, but they reminded me of another day when I’d traced the pattern of the tiles.
How could I not try? “Get me that date, Len. Don’t let on it’s me, just make sure I can keep
him for the night, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Thank you, Len.”
He huffed. “Thank me when you have him home and dry.”
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Chapter Thirteen
One week later, I still hadn’t heard back from Lenny and I was close to giving up hope.
Not that I’d had high expectations to start with. Noel might have left London for good, and
the connection to this Dahlia woman had also only been an idea brought up by a worn-out
man who had been under the influence of God-knew-what substances at the time.
I’d successfully battled the urge to call Lenny and ask how it was going for seven
worry-filled days. I’d picked up the phone only to slam it back down and sat in front of my
computer screen for minutes on end, taking in nothing. Worst of all, I’d cleaned every surface
and corner in my house, except for the attic and the basement. I’d resisted. But when a lunch
date with Cynthia brought me within a twenty-yard radius of Lenny’s office, I gave in. I saw
Cyn off in a cab with the excuse of making a quick shopping trip, then I turned and walked
down the narrow alley to meet Lenny.
The fact that he wasn’t in came as a bit of an anti-climax. I scribbled a note on the back
of a crumpled shopping receipt and slipped it under his door, then I went back outside. It
had been dark in the old building, and London was blessed with a rare visit of spring time.
The temperature was unusually mild and bright. Early afternoon sunshine blinded me when
I opened the door.
I never even saw the man, just walked straight into him, stepped on his foot and
tripped myself up trying to jump back. My shoulder bumped into the doorframe, sending a
jolt of pain through me, and I bounced back, straight into a solid wall of flesh and bones.
Strong, sinewy arms caught and steadied me. “Easy there, mate.” My face was pressed
into a wool-covered chest. I could see nothing, hear nothing except for the thudding of a
heart beat. It was strong but fast. Well, it would be. Its owner was bound to have had a fright,
too. I liked the sound and, for some precious seconds, I allowed myself the fantasy that this
was my Noel, that, against all odds, he was here, right in front of Lenny’s office and ready to
come back into my life.
But of course, the notion alone was ridiculous and I inwardly laughed at myself as I
pulled away from that strong hold.
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“Well, well.” Lenny’s amused voice tickled my ear. “What a hearty welcome. I thought
you’d be glad to see Stu, but I bet he wasn’t expecting you to sink into his arms quite so
willingly.”
“Stu, huh?” I mumbled as I rearranged my coat and scarf. I had yet to find the courage
to look my inadvertent dance partner in the eye.
“Stuart Jennings.”
I looked up. He was just about on the right side of average, with a too-wide mouth, too
small eyes and a slightly crooked nose. I liked him instantly. Stu had the kind of face that
inspired trust and friendship, not naughty images of indulgent kisses. And how I could have
fooled myself thinking he might be Noel was beyond me. He was taller than I was, but where
Noel was long, elegant lines and lean-muscled grace, Stu carried a bit of a soft bulk that
reminded me of a teddy bear. As did his dark blond beard and his shaggy mop of curly hair.
“Nice to meet you, Stuart Jennings,” I replied at last. “I’m Nathan Vincent and both
sorry for and embarrassed by this, uh, inadvertent attack.”
He laughed and shook his head. “That’s okay. No worries. I’ve held hands with uglier
guys than you are.”
He sent a cute, disarming wink my way and I liked him a bit more.
“Now that that’s out of the way, how about we go into my office?” Lenny suggested
with a definite note of amusement in his tone.
Stuart grinned while I nodded and we followed Lenny inside and up the narrow,
creaking stairway that led to his office on the second floor.
Of course Lenny noticed the dreadful note I’d left him earlier, but he had the grace to
pick it up, scan it discreetly and toss it into the paper basket without commenting on what a
pitiable bastard I was.
“Well then, gentlemen,” he said, after providing all three of us with too-strong, tar pit-
black coffee. “I had expected to finish my talk with Stu alone, but since you’re already here,
Nate, I might as well fill you in now. Saves me the time to report to you.” He slurped some of
his coffee and settled into his usual position, leg propped up on the desk and fingers curled
around the mug.
“Fill me in on what?”
“What we’ve talked about so far.” Lenny raised his eyebrows. “The pretty boy you
asked me to find.”
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My heart skipped a beat. “Noel?”
Lenny nodded mutely so I turned to Stuart. “What do you know about Noel?”
“Well, I’m in the same line of business as him. Cam, that is.”
I winced. So Noel was using his alternate name again, which confirmed what I’d
suspected. “Meaning you’re…uh, you also work on the street?”
He didn’t bat an eyelid. “Yes.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised. He was cute enough to be attractive and yet average
enough not to scare away customers who would have felt inferior compared to him. Not like
Noel with his unearthly beauty and soulful green eyes.
“Cam and I team up sometimes, that’s how I know him,” Stu continued. His words
wove a tight grip around my chest.
Team up. Nice way of phrasing it. But I could see it working. They would be stunning
together. Noel’s cool Gaelic beauty, his fair skin, green eyes and black hair would
complement this blond, tanned and brown-eyed cuddly bear. It was entirely inappropriate,
but the image made my cock twitch and begin to fill. I shifted, pressing my legs together to
chase my growing erection away.
“How…how is he?” My voice sounded as tight and uncomfortable as my trousers felt,
but the two other men ignored it politely.
“He’s fine,” Stuart informed me, smiling. “He even told me about you.” He wrinkled
his nose and sent a quick glance in Len’s direction before looking back at me. “You are the
guy who put him up after the accident, aren’t you?”
‘The guy who put him up after the accident’.
Not his friend, not even my name and certainly not his lover. I nodded.
Head tilted to the side, Stuart watched me. His gaze was searching, as if he tried to find
an answer to some unspoken question in my face.
“And now you’re trying to find him?”
“Yes. Do you know where he is?”
“Uh-huh.”
I sat up. Yes. At last. “Well then—where?”
“Easy, Nate. Easy.” Lenny cut in. “Don’t you want to hear the full story first?”
I probably should, but I just couldn’t stand it any longer. “No. No, I don’t want to hear
anything. I just want to know where he is. Is he still in London?”
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“Yep.”
“So he’s been here all the time?”
“Looks like it.”
I’d never allowed myself to assume it. If I had, I would’ve turned into a hollow-eyed
maniac who roamed the streets, driven by the hope to maybe, one day, cross his path again.
I seemed to have forgotten to breathe. The air burnt in my lungs, or maybe it was just
that my heart ached so much that I couldn’t tell where the pain came from. “Can you take me
to see him?”
Stuart frowned. “Now?”
“Yes. Please.”
He and Lenny exchanged a long glance. When Lenny raised his eyebrows in an up-to-
you look, Stuart made a face and shrugged. “Okay. Why not. Not sure what he’ll say though
if I turn up at his work place with you.”
“It’ll be okay. Just take me to him and I’ll sort it out.” Work place. The words had made
me cringe.
“Fine.” Stuart rubbed his thighs with his flat hands and got up. “I guess that means
you’ll no longer need me to give you contact details and stuff, Lenny, does it?”
Lenny’s smile was friendly and appreciative, just right to tell his informer that he was
satisfied with what he’d heard. “Thank you. Indeed, I think Nate will explode if this takes
longer than another minute or two. You could just fill him in on whatever details he needs to
know.”
“Good. Thanks for lunch, mate. See ya around.”
I looked at Lenny, cracked a smile to thank him and followed Stuart downstairs and
outside.
“My car’s around the corner,” he informed me and led the way. We remained silent
until we had settled down in his battered vehicle. Car was a bit of an exaggeration for this heap of
scrap metal, I thought. Rust had left its pale hull spotted with nasty red-brown marks that
were painfully reminiscent of dried blood and I was surprised when the heap started
instantly. Stuart pulled away from the tiny parking space and sped up. We were headed
north, I realised after a few minutes.
“Where are we going?”
“Euston.”
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“Euston,” I repeated numbly. Euston. The name Cam had used before. Could he really
have been so close all the time? Had it really been what Stuart had referred to as his work
place?
Stuart checked the mirror, indicated and changed lanes. “Cam’s not gonna be all that
happy when you show up at his work, you know.”
“Well, I’ll just have to deal with it.”
“Right. Know what you’re gonna tell him yet?”
I watched the houses we passed, thinking. Indeed, I’d already decided what I was
going to do. “Yes. If I am to meet him at his work place, then I’ll just play along.”
Stuart’s eyebrows went up. “Play along?”
“Uh-huh. If he makes a living working in the streets, I’ll just buy his time. I’ll simply
offer him such a high amount that he can’t say no, and then I’ll try to talk sense into him.
There must be other options, even if he doesn’t see them.”
Stuart’s eyebrows drew together in a frown, but the traffic required his attention and he
didn’t comment. The atmosphere between us was strange, tense somehow although I didn’t
know what had caused it. Was he jealous that Cam would be offered a way out? Or, and that
was what I feared most, did their teaming up imply that there was in fact more between
them? Were they lovers? I chewed my lip and stared out of the window, watching London
pass us by.
We arrived at Euston Station soon enough and Stuart parked the car. I didn’t know how
to read his silence, but when I reached for the lever to open the door, he put a hand to my
arm.
“I think he’s missing you,” he said quietly.
I froze. “Do you?”
“Yes. He didn’t tell me all there was between the two of you and I don’t really care. It’s
none of my business. Just… I’d hate to see the poor sod get hurt again, okay?”
My pulse picked up speed. “I’m not going to hurt him. Quite the opposite, I want to
make sure that he will no longer get hurt by—”
I recognised him at first sight. Noel hadn’t changed much. His hair was a bit longer,
grown out of its cut and his jaw was shadowed with stubble. He wore baggy jeans, old and
threadbare in places, and a coat that had seen better times. At least he wore a coat, unlike the
girl he was talking to.
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My heart ached. Noel was so unfairly handsome, despite the styling that didn’t do
anything to show off what he was selling. He used to wear suits. Before the accident,
obviously. After, he had worn loose-fitting track suit bottoms and T-shirts. Occasionally one
of my jerseys. They’d looked good on him, too wide and too short, but the intimacy of him
wearing my clothes had melted me.
Seeing him so casually and yes, cheaply, dressed now wasn’t what I’d expected.
Shouldn’t he be advertising the goods he had on sale? Or wasn’t that required of male
hookers? The two female ones I spotted at the far corner certainly showed off their assets, as
did the girl Noel was talking to. She was small, skinny and despite the heavy make-up on her
face, it was easy to see that she couldn’t be much older than fifteen, maybe sixteen.
Was she the female version of Noel, some eight years ago, when he had started selling
his body to those who hadn’t cared that he hadn’t even been legal?
I watched them, trying to figure out what the connection between them was. Noel had
said he was bisexual, but it didn’t appear as if he and the girl were lovers. For one, she didn’t
look at him. She just stared at the ground, and the tip of her high-heeled shoe that she was
scuffing. Noel said something to her and she gripped her bottom lip, chewing it aggressively
while her bony shoulders hunched even more. Noel’s hand came up, a mere butterfly wing’s
touch to the girl’s elbow, but I could see her flinch from across the street. He backed off
instantly and she seemed to relax a little.
“Is she his girlfriend?” I asked, just to get us started on the subject. Stuart had been
observing the scene, too, and since this was clearly not the right moment to walk up to Noel
and say hi, I could just as well try to extricate more information from his friend.
Stu let out a snort. “His girlfriend? Hardly. Her name’s Anna. He’s been after her for
almost a month now, but frankly, I doubt he’ll get anywhere with her. Not that he wants to
hear that. Stubborn as hell, the old sod, when he’s got his heart set on someone.”
I winced. So not his girlfriend, but not because he didn’t want her. Could I really have
him so wrong? Despite his attraction to women, I’d always pictured him with a man in
private, but maybe that had just been my subconscious showing me what I’d wanted to see.
I’d been distracted by a wildly painted car for a moment and looked across the road
again just in time to see Anna punch Noel in the chest. Tiny as she was, the impact didn’t
even make him stumble, but his expression clearly stated how much it affected him. She
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never saw it. She’d spun around and fled, heading down the road at an impressive speed
given her four-inch heels.
“Time for the cavalry to give him some back-up,” Stuart ground out and got out of the
car. He was halfway across the road before I even reacted, then the bloody lever came clean
off when I tried to open the door. By the time I’d made it across the road, Stuart and Noel
were in full conversational flow.
I hovered, still waiting for the right moment to cut in, when Noel turned his head and
looked straight at me.
Whatever they had talked about, my presence had clearly not been mentioned.
His eyes widened in surprise and the colour drained from his face.
“Hey, Noel,” I said. My voice was rough in my ears, with a high pitch of nerves in it.
“Nate.” It wasn’t even a whisper, just a gasp. He seemed frozen in shock and when
Stuart patted his shoulder, his legs buckled as if he was no longer in control of his body.
“Thought I’d bring you a surprise,” Stuart said, grinning.
Noel chuckled nervously. “Yeah, uh, well, I am surprised.”
“Good. How about you take the rest of the day off and let Mr Lova-Lova take you for a
coffee and catch-up?”
“Stu, I—”
“Nn-nn. You did enough today. You need a break and you deserve one. It will help you
gain a different perspective, too.”
“But what about my clients?”
Stuart shrugged. “Got any appointments today?”
“No, not as such, but—”
“See, it’s okay then. You go have coffee and talk and if anything creeps up, Uncle Stu
will cover for you, okay?”
Noel’s shoulders sagged in resignation. “Okay. Fine. But I’ll take the morning shift
tomorrow, just so you know. You can lie in.”
A mischievous grin appeared on Stuart’s face. “How about you text me when you’re
ready to work and if I haven’t heard from you by seven, I’ll go?”
“Stu, there’s no need for that!”
“Oh, I don’t know. But I do know that you can do with a day off or two, so take it if you
want.”
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Noel glared at him for a moment longer then he sighed and raked his fingers through
his hair. “Fine. I’ll let you know if I take tomorrow off or not.”
“Good boy. Now off you go.”
Noel rolled his eyes but smiled. “Cheers, Stu.”
Then he turned to me again and his smile was replaced by a frown. “So, uh, coffee?”
I cleared my throat. “Sure, why not.”
“There’s a place around the corner. It doesn’t sell the fancy stuff with half a dozen types
of fat-free milk and syrups, but it’s a lot nicer if you want a bit of peace with your coffee.”
“I don’t mind where we go.”
“Good. Come on then.”
I traipsed along the sidewalk next to him, watching him from the corners of my eyes.
He moved quickly and quietly, and it seemed as if the people around us barely even noticed
him. But then they wouldn’t, would they? The likes of him were invisible to most people.
Only those who were interested in the goods he was selling would see him. The others were
happy to ignore what would only have made them uncomfortable.
“Here we are.” Noel held the door for me, and I slipped inside, very much aware of his
breath on my neck as I passed him by.
“What would you like?” I asked him, determined to make it my treat, but he shook his
head and grinned.
“Let’s find a table first. Another big advantage of this place is that they actually serve
you.”
“Oh. Okay.”
The coffee place was indeed a lot more peaceful than the usual watering, or rather
coffeeing, holes of the trendy London crowd. A good-looking, thirty-something with a
bouncing blonde ponytail took our order. She returned before we had spoken a word, which
said more about our state of awkwardness than her speed.
I didn’t know what to say. It was as simple as that and judging by the way Noel kept
stirring his cappuccino, he wasn’t keen on taking the first step either.
“How’s the leg?” I enquired.
He winced. “It’s okay. Still gives me hell sometimes and I can tell when the weather
changes more accurately than any forecast, but I guess that’s okay given the seriousness of
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my injuries.” He’d delivered the answer with just the right balance of conviction and light-
heartedness, and he might have fooled me if I hadn’t noticed his limp before.
“It still hurts, doesn’t it?”
He didn’t look up. A muscle twitched in his cheek, then he said, “It does. But most of
the time I get by without pain killers.”
“Oh. That’s good, isn’t it?”
He made a face. “It’s not that I don’t hurt, Nate. I just don’t want to be addicted to that
crap, so now all I’m taking is over-the-counter stuff, and only on the days when I’m about to
pass out from the pain.”
Heavy silence fell between us after this statement. I couldn’t understand why he’d been
so open about it. We hadn’t spoken in half a year. Was there still a connection between us or
was it just the need to talk to someone—anyone—that had made him confide in me?
Either way, we were back to awkwardness. My attempt at breaking the ice had been a
poor one, but commenting on the weather just hadn’t been an option. And neither had been
asking him why on earth he still worked as a hooker.
I had nearly finished my coffee by the time he made his move.
“Nate?”
“Yes?”
“Why are you here?”
I stared at my fingers, the cup trapped between them, and didn’t know what to say.
“Nate?”
“I just… I wanted to see you. I wanted to know how you were.”
He raised his gaze, for the first time meeting mine straight-on.
“I can’t let go, Noel. I can’t seem to make it through the day without thinking of you
and wondering if you’re okay.”
He listened with perfect calm. His left hand rested on the table next to his cup, the other
was somewhere below, probably on his thigh. He remained silent and like the idiot I was, I
rambled on. “It kills me to think that you went back to all this crap. You know, I’d really
begun to hope that you could leave it all behind you, that this accident, dreadful though it
was, had given you the chance to escape this nightmare. But it didn’t, did it? You couldn’t
get away from it, no matter how far you ran, and now you’re stuck and—” I’d forgotten to
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breathe and emotions were blocking my airway. When I sucked in a choked gasp, Noel
reached out and covered my hand with his.
“Nate, what the fuck are you on about?”
“Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? You, here… No need to deny, Stuart confirmed it. He even
told me you teamed up sometimes.”
His expression was stony, only his eyes were shooting sparks. “Stu confirmed what?”
“That the two of you, uh, worked on the street.”
Noel’s lips twitched. “Right. Work on the street.” The grip of his fingers tightened.
“Nate, you bloody idiot! We work on the street, yes, but we are fucking street workers, not
street walkers.”
“You…what?”
“We’re social workers. We spend most of our time outside, tracking down homeless
kids and underage prostitutes and drug addicts and trying to help them.”
“You’re… Oh. Oh, my.” I groaned and hid my face behind my free hand. “I got that
wrong, didn’t I?”
Noel laughed openly now. My heart ached with the sight and the sound of it.
“Yes. You did.” He leaned in. “But I don’t blame you.”
“You don’t?”
Sitting back, he shrugged. “No. Believe me, I know the statistics. With my background I
should have gone back to where I was before.”
“But you didn’t.”
He pulled his lip through his teeth and let go of my hand. “No. I didn’t.”
“What stopped you?”
He let out a snort. “Are you serious?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Shit.” Groaning, he rubbed his forehead. “You, you bloody idiot!”
“Me?”
“Yes. Yes, you. With all your dratted talk of how I was a good guy who was worth
more than that, how I deserved better and that my—” He couldn’t say it. He’d been in full
flow, but still, the words seemed stuck in his throat.
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“That your parents would’ve wanted you to be happy,” I finished for him. It had been
the words I’d said to him on the day he’d left in the stubborn hope that maybe he would
come to believe them.
The green of his irises shone brightly in the midst of his reddened eyes and he blinked,
stemming the tears that lurked behind his eyelids, but his jaw was set. “Yes.”
“They would have been very proud of you, Noel.”
He swallowed and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, a single tear slipped
out and rolled down his cheek, leaving a glistening trail behind. “Do you think so?”
“I know so. What you’ve been through was enough to break anyone. But you got back
on your feet. That’s a huge achievement. Not to mention that you now help others as well.”
He stared at me with those huge, tear-filled eyes and said nothing. His bottom lip
trembled and I knew that he didn’t reply because he couldn’t. He was too close to breaking
down and if we hadn’t been in public, maybe he would have.
“Want to go somewhere private?” I asked, then, realising how it might sound to him, I
clarified, “Just to talk.”
He managed a wobbly smile. “I know. Yes, why not.”
“Okay. My place?”
“If you want. But mine is closer.”
“You want to take me home?” I blurted out.
“Yes. Why not?”
“Just… Oh, I don’t know. I guess I just thought that maybe you wouldn’t want that.”
“But I do.”
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Chapter Fourteen
Noel’s flat was indeed just around the corner. It was tiny, one small room which
contained a minuscule kitchen—a sink, fridge and two hot plates combined in one unit—his
bed and wardrobe, blocked from view by a screen, and a sofa with coffee table and TV
tucked into a corner.
“It’s not much, but it’s mine and at least I don’t have to share,” Noel explained when he
caught me looking.
“It’s…nice. Well-structured and easy to manage.”
He chuckled on his way across the room to the kitchen corner. “That’s one way of
putting it. Tea?”
“Thank you.”
He filled a kettle and took two mugs from a small storage cupboard, then dumped tea
bags into them. “I should have some biscuits here to go with it. Just plain ones, I’m afraid.”
“That’s fine, Noel. No worries.”
“Right.” He searched through the cupboard some more until he came up with a packet
of digestives which he put on the counter along with the cups. Rubbing his palms along his
thighs, he stared at the kettle as he waited for it to boil.
“Want to tell me?”
His back was turned to me, but I didn’t miss the flinch.
“‘Bout what?”
“You know what about.”
“Right.”
The kettle hissed and burbled. Noel didn’t move, so I went to stand behind him. His
fingers were clenched around a tea towel and shaking badly.
“Let me.” I poured our tea, carried the mugs to the sofa along with the biscuits, then I
returned to fetch my miserable host. He hadn’t moved an inch.
I gently undid his white-knuckled clasp, then slipped my arm around his waist. He
didn’t protest as I led him to the sofa and made him sit down. I settled next to him and
picked up my mug. “Whenever you’re ready.”
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It took almost a quarter of an hour for him to start.
I didn’t touch him. Not in a sexual way. Not once during the long, painful hours we
spent talking, although I caressed him plenty. I couldn’t have come on to him if I’d wanted
to. Noel opened up to me in a way he never had before, not even on that dreadful morning in
my flat. He told me about his childhood, about the earliest memories he had of his mother
carrying him through a crowd of people at a train station, of his father building sand castles
with him during their first ever holiday. He told me about his mum, how she loved to take
photographs and collected them in boxes because she never found the time to put them into
proper albums.
“It was as if she wanted to capture every single moment of our lives on paper so she
could revisit them,” he said at some point around midnight. “And she did. She would sit up
at night, with one or two of her boxes and a pot of tea, and look at all of them. But she
wouldn’t just glance and tuck them away. No, when Mum looked at her photos, she’d take
her time for all the details. Sometimes she spent a full ten minutes with just one picture. I
never understood, and when I asked her once what she saw in them, she told me that it
helped her remember me and my Dad and that she loved us both so much that sometimes
she couldn’t stand losing us for even the time it took for us all to sleep.”
I didn’t know what to say. The words to comment on such infinite motherly love didn’t
exist and if they did, they were nowhere within my grasp. All I could do was reach out to
him and hold him. His tears fell silently, soaking my shoulder, but I didn’t care. Eventually
we sank back, me stretched out flat, him curled up at my side with his face still buried at the
nape of my neck. His breathing evened out after a while and before I knew it, I followed him
into the mercy of Morpheus’ forgiving arms.
* * * *
I woke up with a searing back ache and a stiff neck. I had no idea how late it was and I
needed a moment to realise where I was. Noel’s flat. His sofa. We’d fallen asleep in the
middle of the night, exhausted and emotionally raw. It took no more than a quick glance for
me to know that I was alone. Easy to manage. Yes, Noel’s flat was exactly that.
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I sat up, rubbing my neck in a fruitless attempt to remove some of the knots in it. It
must have been earlier than I’d thought, because the light that peeked in through the gaps in
the blinds was dim and powerless.
Noel had said he’d start work at seven unless he felt the need to cancel. Was that it?
Had he decided the easiest way to get rid of me and forget all about the night before would
be to just leave and do business as usual?
I got up and waddled to the only other door in the room apart from the one that led
outside. Well done, Sherlock. It was the bathroom indeed. I did what I had to do, then splashed
my face with cold water while I wondered how to handle this. It seemed that he didn’t want
me, or at least he had decided to choose his job over me. Then again, maybe all he needed
right now was space and time. Our talk had ripped open his old wounds and it was bound to
have been incredibly hard for him to face me in the morning.
I left the bathroom and went to find my jacket when the front door was pushed open.
Noel looked more beautiful and more fragile than ever. His hair was a dishevelled
mess. Shadows darkened his eyes and made his irises gleam like underwater spotlights and
he was pale, oh so pale. He bit his lip and met my gaze with a shy smile.
“Coffee,” he offered and handed me a paper cup. The logo on its side was the one of the
little cafe we’d gone to the day before.
“Uh, thanks.”
“I thought you’d appreciate proper coffee. I only have the instant crap,” Noel
explained.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
We both didn’t seem to know what to say.
I drank my coffee, he sipped his, both of us avoiding each other’s gazes like self-
conscious teenagers. It was weird. I’d thought I’d known what made him tick before, but
now I understood that what he’d shared with me had only ever been physical. I had come to
know his body so well and had learned how to bring it pleasure, but what I had taken to bed
had never really been Noel. The Noel who had shared his body and had fucked me into
mind blowing orgasms was not the one who stood here with me now. He’d taken down his
final barrier and bared his soul to me last night.
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We might have well ended up standing and staring and scuffing our toes for the rest of
the day, but the lid on my coffee cup must have decided to take action. Just as I raised the
cup to my mouth, the lid popped off and what was left of my coffee poured over my chest. It
had cooled off enough not to scald me, but the experience wasn’t a nice one anyhow. At least
it broke the ice. Noel’s expression went from shocked surprise to amusement.
“I’ll get a towel,” he said.
On the upside, hardly any coffee was spilled on the floor. On the downside, my shirt
was soaked.
“Make it a big one!” I told him and, expecting him to go and fetch the towel, I turned
and crashed right into him. He hadn’t moved. The impact made him grunt, but he still
managed to reach out and steady me when I was thrown off balance.
I felt the heat of his body through two layers of clothing, one of which was wet. His
hands were on my hip and around my waist, supporting me and pulling me close at the
same time. Not that I needed the support anymore. Or maybe I did. Hard muscles shifted
against mine. I was so close, my face less than an inch from his neck, and I breathed him in.
I’d been good, oh so fucking good, and for so long, but now my virtue left me.
I grabbed him, wrapped my arms around him and crushed him against me. I caught the
flicker of surprise in his eyes as I brought just enough space between us to reach up and sling
one hand behind his neck. He followed my invitation, or rather plea, and lowered his head. I
melted against him as our mouths connected. Tender skin brushed mine, lingered and
caressed for a few precious and bittersweet seconds of re-acquaintance, then the pressure
increased. The slick, moist tip of his tongue dipped between my lips and I opened up for him
gladly. He loved exploring me, I remembered that, and he’d always been an active kisser.
He traced the inside of my mouth, tickled the roof and teased me until I thought I’d
faint from sheer pleasure. Hell, how could anyone kiss like that? His breath quickened and I
felt the shallow gasps on my skin as his body shifted against mine. He was hard, his erection
a firm ridge grinding into my belly, just a little higher than the place where my own aching
cock demanded attention.
Groaning, I spread my legs to trap his thigh between mine and dry-humped him
shamelessly. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t make myself stop. I wanted him too much and,
ridiculous though it was, I was about to come from nothing more than his kiss.
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Maybe he sensed my despair, or maybe his own need was just as overwhelming as
mine. He growled into my mouth, a deep, throaty sound that reduced me to a quivering
heap of arousal. I was rubbing off on him for real now, even though I knew exactly how it
would end. I didn’t care.
Noel had his arms around me, holding me as he cupped my buttocks with both hands,
pulling me to him in the same rhythm as my own frantic thrusts. The pressure built inside
me, that electric, magical tingle of pure delight, and I couldn’t have stopped if I’d wanted to.
Noel held me against him as I crashed and soared at the same time. He became my anchor in
a wild sea of orgasmic waves and was the reason the storm lasted longer than any other
before it that I could remember.
I was boneless. I clung on to him like a shipwreck to the last piece of driftwood. His lips
were on my throat, nibbling, caressing. He murmured soft words, too low for me to make out
their meaning, but it didn’t matter. I was with him, helpless in his hold, my shirt and trousers
a coffee-and-cum soaked mess.
It was only when I focused on the patch of cooling moisture that I became aware of the
bulge that still pressed into my stomach. Noel hadn’t come. He’d brought me off with a kiss
that clearly hadn’t left him unaffected, but he hadn’t let go.
Leaning back, I looked up. He was so fucking gorgeous. His eyes were closed, but his
eyelids fluttered. His lips were parted, allowing me to catch a glimpse of his moist pink
tongue. He’d trapped the tip between his teeth, the way he would do sometimes when he
fought his arousal.
“Noel?”
His reply was a husky grunt.
“Let me take you to bed?”
He chuckled. “Fuck, Nate.”
“Does that mean yes?”
“It means what I said. Fuck me. In bed, on the floor, across the table, I don’t care.”
A fresh wave of arousal surged through me. “Okay.”
I unglued myself from him and he stalked off across the tiny room to the screen that
shielded his bed from view.
“Got water or something around?” I called after him. My throat was dry and rough like
sandpaper and I didn’t want to risk a very unsexy coughing fit.
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“Sure. There’s water and juice in the fridge.” He sounded amused and as I looked at
him, I found him leaning on the screen, smiling.
“What?”
He shook his head. “Nothing. You’re cute. Make sure to tell that drink to have you in
bed by ten, will you?”
“Wha- Ha-ha.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll be there well before that. How about you move
your arse over there now and I’ll follow you in a few?”
“Sounds good to me.” He blew me a kiss and disappeared behind the screen. I could
hear the rustle of clothes being removed and had to remind myself that I’d regret not getting
that drink now.
When I opened the fridge to get out the water, I noticed that there wasn’t much else in
there. There was, however, a tin of whipped cream in it. I didn’t waste time on wondering
what Noel would do with that, just grabbed it. I had a vague idea what I would like to do
with it, and although I wasn’t sure what Noel would think of that, I decided to try my luck.
I wanted to play with him. He was trained to come whenever it was required of him,
but I was determined that this time, he would come simply because he couldn’t hold back.
He would come because I was going to make him. I wanted him to lose control, the way he
made me feel powerless whenever he was around me.
He sat on the bed, naked but for a pair of dark blue boxer shorts that left little to the
imagination. He was still hard and his erection pushed at the thin fabric that covered it.
“Drop the undies, then lie back,” I told him. His eyebrows twitched, but he slipped his
thumbs under the waistband of his boxers. I watched his muscles shift and flex as he arched
up to remove the last piece of clothing.
I swallowed. He was so fucking beautiful, despite the scars that marred his otherwise
flawless skin. His cock sprang free, so hard and flushed that I knew he must’ve been aching
for relief. I’d make him ache some more.
“Lie back.”
He did as he was told, watching me with those dark green eyes as he sank back onto the
pillows.
“Spread ‘em.”
He didn’t flinch, just obeyed. If the words reminded him of another time, with another
man, one who had bought him for his own pleasure, he wasn’t letting on.
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I stroked his thighs, down to his knees and back up to where they joined his hips. He
shuddered as I touched the delicate patch of skin there and I remembered that it was one of
the few spots where he was ticklish.
I lowered my head and kissed him there, then flicked the tip of my tongue over it until
he squirmed and whimpered.
“Tell me to stop if you don’t want this,” I whispered. He shuddered again, a full body
shiver this time.
“Just…” He bit his lip.
“Say it.”
“Suck it.”
“My pleasure.” And it was. I loved the feel of him, adored his scent and couldn’t wait to
hear the noises I knew he would make when I pleasured him.
His skin was like silk on my lips, but warm. And hard, oh so deliciously hard
underneath. I took him in, all the way until the head of his shaft blocked my airway and
threatened to choke me. I didn’t care. I took him deeper still, flexing my throat muscles for
maximum effect. Noel groaned, a husky sound full of need. I risked a quick glance at his face.
He watched me, frowning in concentration and bottom lip gripped with his teeth as he
fought the instinct to thrust in.
I flexed my throat muscles again and he let out a low scream. He’d come if I kept doing
this, and I was tempted to finish him off, but I wanted it to go on. I wanted to extend his
pleasure to the maximum. I wanted him in blind ecstasy.
Bobbing my head, I worked him with lips and tongue. The friction I gave him was not
enough to make him come, and allowed his burning arousal to cool down to a low simmer,
right where I needed it.
I knew he liked having a finger or two inside him during blow jobs. He wouldn’t need a
warning. I pressed a fingertip into his cleft and against the tight little opening. Moaning, he
opened his legs farther and pushed back.
“Nn-nn, don’t want you dry, baby,” I whispered around my mouthful of cock.
He licked his lips. “Right. Uh, drawer, uh, somewhere…”
“Shh. How about something a bit different?”
“Huh?”
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Holding up the cream for him to see, I raised my eyes in question. A sceptical frown
fluttered across his face, then he nodded.
It turned out that whipped cream wasn’t an ideal lubricant. It helped smooth things,
but not enough to let my fingers slide in easily. He was tight and he’d only get sore if I tried
to fuck him like this, so I changed my plan. I squirted more cream into my palm.
“Can you hold up your legs for me?”
“Huh? Sure.” Hooking his hands under his knees, he brought his legs up and apart and
nearly curled up.
I doubted that he’d expected what I did next. He certainly sounded surprised when I
bent to lap at him. I’d never done this for anyone, and he was the only one who’d ever done
it for me. I had to improvise, feel my way around and test his responses, but his ragged
moans were the best encouragement I could have hoped for.
I traced the lines of puckered skin with my tongue, from the outside to the centre, over
and over again. He tasted of the cream I’d spread on him and his own flavour, intense and
spicy. It was an unexpected aphrodisiac for me.
I breached him. He moaned again, or maybe sighed and I lost the last of my
uncertainty. Licking, nibbling and occasionally dabbing, I explored all the different noises I
could draw from him until he lifted a hand and rested it on my head.
I froze. “Not good?”
“It is, just… Oh hell, just fuck me, please! I want you in me so badly my arse is
twitching for you.”
“Noel, good grief, don’t say stuff like that. Although it seems to be quite true.”
It was. The little opening quivered where it lay exposed between my hands. My pulse
went into overdrive at the sight. I pushed my finger in, diving right into him. He was slick
with my spat and cream, and the rim job had left him well relaxed and ready. I added a
second finger, spreading him and aiming for his prostate. White liquid seeped out as I finger-
fucked him. Even knowing that it was just molten whipped cream, it was a huge turn-on and
I knew that I’d have to do this again one day. Only then it was going to be my spunk inside
him, sticky and salty instead of sweet and milky. I’d fuck him stupid and fill him with my
cream, then rim him until he came. I would have loved to do it right there and then, but he
was too far gone.
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I lowered my head and tasted him once more. He nearly shot off the bed when I licked
along his stretched rim. One of my fingertips rested on his prostate and I nudged it, once,
twice, then continued to rub him there while I lapped at his hole. I’d never heard him scream
like he did then. He twitched, bucked and writhed. Every muscle in his beautiful body
seemed to clench at the same time and I knew I had succeeded.
Noel had lost control. He’d lost it completely. He clenched his fists in the sheets and
tilted his head back as his body arched up in a long line, then he crashed, nearly breaking my
neck when he twisted away from me. I knew he was oversensitised, unable to bear any
further stimulation and I let him go. I stroked his thigh until his breathing evened out, then
crawled up behind him. Hugging him to my chest, I buried my face in his hair and inhaled
his warm scent of man, sweat and sex. My cock gave a lazy twitch where it rested against
Noel’s tight buttock, but I didn’t want to fuck him. He wouldn’t have been able to handle it
anyway, and I was content where I was. With him. My Noel. My love.
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Chapter Fifteen
The next time I woke, it was around noon. Noel lay curled up by my side, head on my
shoulder. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow, deep and regular, so he was still
fast asleep. Turning my head to watch him, I tried to take in as much about him as I could. I
didn’t want to admit to myself that it might be the last time I saw him like this. I observed his
ribcage expand and contract, watched the movement of his eyeballs underneath the lids. His
long, sooty eyelashes fluttered, then he blinked and looked at me. For a few seconds we
seemed to be frozen in that awkward ‘we both know something major just happened but
how the fuck do we deal with this’ moment, then his lips curled into a smile.
“Hey there,” he whispered.
“Hey back.”
Silence fell between us again, but it wasn’t uncomfortable anymore. He sneaked up a
hand to find mine and took it, enveloping it with his strong, warm fingers. He stroked my
wrist with his thumb and the soft caress melted my heart. How was I supposed to let him go?
Again. The first time had hurt too much already and I’d fallen in love with him all over again
since yesterday.
“What is it?”
I winced at the tightness in his voice. Time to face the unavoidable. “What’s what?”
“That makes you sad.”
“Sad?”
He nodded and lifted a finger to my cheek. When he moved it back for me to see, it was
wet. I hadn’t even been aware that I was crying.
“I…uh, just over active tear ducts, I guess. It’s from lying here squashed in the pillow.”
“Uh-huh. Okay.” He smiled again. “And what is it really?”
“It’s… Oh, I don’t know. Not sure I can explain it.”
“You could try.”
“Right. I could try. But I don’t know if I’m ready to make a fool of myself again.”
“Oh. Why would you be making a fool of yourself?”
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I watched him, tried to read his expression, but I couldn’t figure him out. “Don’t you
know that?”
“No.”
My heart pounded madly. Was this the moment that would change it all? Would it be
go or no after the next few seconds? There was only one way to find out and I decided to go
all in. I had nothing to lose.
“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
“Oh.”
I chuckled. “What, ‘oh’? That’s all?”
“Well, uh, I’m a bit baffled, I guess,” Noel said quietly.
“Hmm. In a good way?”
He smiled. “Not sure, but definitely not in a bad way.”
“Oh, well, that’s something, then.”
“Yes. It’s a start.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“How do you feel? About last night, I mean.”
He stared at the wall for a moment before he said, “It was good. Very much so. And
naughty. You surprised me. I wouldn’t have thought you’d do something like that.”
“The whipped cream, you mean?”
He smirked. “The rim job, to be precise.”
“Ah, right. That. Did you like it?”
“Hell, yeah. Loved it, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“I just like to make sure. But anyway, that was this morning. I asked about last night.”
“Right. That was… One of the best nights of my life, I guess.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Really.”
“Good.”
We were quiet again. It was weird that, after everything he had confided in me last
night, we were now so shy with each other.
“Noel?”
“Hmm?”
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“What… How do you…” I didn’t know how to phrase it and yes, I was so scared of his
answer that I didn’t want to ask and yet, I wanted to know. I needed to know what he felt for
me.
Sighing, Noel looked at me, then he sat up. “You want to know how I feel about you,
don’t you? About us, and what happened between us.”
“Yes.”
“Right. Okay.” He rubbed his thighs with his flat hands. “I care about you, Nate.”
“Oh. That’s nice.”
He rolled his eyes. “Okay, poorly expressed. Thing is, I don’t know how to explain it. I
have feelings for you, Nate, always had, but I’m not sure what they are. I can’t tell you that I
love you, because I don’t know if that really is what I’m feeling and I’d rather not tell you at
all than make you hope for something that… Something I won’t be able to deliver. Does that
make sense?”
“Yes. Yes, I guess it does.”
“I’m sorry. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear.”
I tried for a smile, but it felt shaky. “Well, not exactly.”
“You still love me, don’t you?”
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at him when I took the plunge. “Yes.”
“Thank you.”
“What for? My stupidity?”
“For your honesty. You’re not stupid, Nate. I’m stupid. I don’t know much about love.
I’ve been trying so hard for so long not to let it get to me that I don’t know how to deal with
it now. I want nothing more than to love you back, the way you deserve, but I’ll need some
time to let that happen.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, trying to understand everything he was telling me. “So you want
to love me?”
He made a face. “Sounds dumb, doesn’t it? Look Nate, a part of me already loves you.
My heart is mad about you. Just give my mind a little time to understand what’s going on,
okay? Do you think you can do that?”
“Yes. Yes, I think I can do that.”
His lips were soft on mine. They lured me into a kiss full of unspoken promises and I
knew that what he’d just said was true. His body told me that he loved me, so now all it
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would take would be for his head to catch up. We’d been through so much together and I
knew I’d never stop fighting for him—for us—and now he was finally willing to join me in
the fight. The future looked brighter than it had in months, and I couldn’t wait to take the
first steps and find out what it held in store for us.
Also available from Total-E-Bound Publishing:
Knives and Feathers
Sage Marlowe
Excerpt
Chapter One
Chester Banning was in a good mood. He loved it when things went according to plan
and, so far, everything had gone exactly as planned. Travelling had, as usual, left him with
lots of new impressions and a few ideas and the hotel he’d booked himself into was just the
way he liked it. Now all he needed to make the day perfect was a decent drink or two and
some less decent company.
He dressed in his favourite jeans and shirt, left the hotel and the day started going
downhill. It took him half an eternity to find a promising location and, when he finally did,
the place was far from his usual venue. It was dodgy and run-down, with a clientele to
match. Chester went to the bar anyway, ignoring the curious glances that checked him out,
and ordered a vodka martini. He met the bartender’s smirk with a smile and a shrug.
Awfully cliché, but still his favourite. Leaning on the bar, he took some time to scan the
crowd. He wasn’t too impressed with what he saw and was already halfway through his
drink and two-thirds on the way to just calling it a night and leaving when he spotted exactly
what he was looking for. Tall, dark-haired and dressed in clothes that had probably cost
more than the average weekly income of any of the other guys present, the man was as much
out of place as Chester himself. A perfect match. His most charming smile fixed to his face,
Chester leisurely walked to the quiet corner of the bar where the man sat, broodily nursing
his drink. He took a moment to study the profile in close-up and found he still liked what he
saw.
“Hi, there,” he said when he had waited long enough to be sure that the other man was
aware of his presence and must be expecting him to say something. “You had me wondering,
you know.”
A sharp inhalation of air was the only sign he got that the man had even heard him. Not
the reaction he’d hoped for but he decided not to let that stop him.
“I couldn’t help but notice you. Seems we’re both in the wrong place.”
At last the man turned his head and glared at him, making Chester flinch with the
indignant annoyance he displayed. Chester was pretty sure his gaydar had picked up the
signals correctly, so maybe the guy was just a bit weary of being hit on. The way he looked
he could have had men queuing for a chance to chat him up if he made a little more of an
effort. His hair was a bit past the right time for a cut and he hadn’t bothered shaving but he
was undeniably handsome. A delicate bone structure with high, well-defined cheekbones set
the perfect frame for a pair of the most striking, silver-grey eyes Chester had ever seen. The
man rested those amazing eyes on Chester with an expression of stony amusement and a
hint of curiosity before he finally said, “You are definitely in the wrong place. A couple of
hundred miles considering your accent.”
Chester smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m here because of my job. I’m a writer,
you see, and I’m doing some research for my new book.” Chester didn’t usually brag and
found it a bit cheap to rely on that line, but it had got him laid more than once before.
“Must be a brilliant book if it’s anything to do with this place,” the man grumbled
under his breath, his words dripping with sarcasm.
“Well, I hope it will be.” Chester held out his hand. “I’m Chester, by the way, and you
are…?”
“Not interested.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. My mistake. I didn’t realise you were bored. Maybe I can help you
change that,” he said smoothly.
Surprised, the man blinked and then, to Chester’s relief, his mouth curved into a
reluctant smile. He gave a tight, appreciative nod. “Nice one.”
“I really hope you’re talking about me.”
The man’s smile widened just a fraction as he gave Chester a quick once-over. He was
clearly trying not to let on what he thought but there was a giveaway glitter in his eyes. Just a
moment later, he shook his head. “You’re wasting your time.” He picked up his drink again,
a signal to Chester that he was dismissed.
“Too bad. I could’ve made it worth your while.” About to turn away, Chester hesitated.
He just couldn’t resist.
“By the way, considering your accent, you got misplaced by about four hundred miles
yourself. What is it? London, right? Somewhere in Norf London unless I’m very much
mistaken.” Probably followed by a rather expensive university.
Something flared up in those grey eyes. It might have been regret or even hurt but it
was gone too fast for a definite identification. “Not bad.”
“Oh, come on, I deserve more than that. You didn’t exactly say much.”
“Finchley.” There was a trace of gloom in the sigh that made up these two syllables.
“Nice place,” Chester smiled. “I used to have a boyfriend up there.” No squirming at
the word. So I did have you right. Maybe we’re getting somewhere, after all. “Sure you don’t want
to change your mind, Mr Finchley?” Chester asked eventually.
The man took a sip of his drink before he focused on Chester again. “You still wanna
know if I’m interested in you.” It was more of a statement than a question.
“Well, it might brighten my prospects for the rest of the evening considerably if you
were.” Chester shrugged.
After a long, thoughtful pause, the man admitted defeat with a long, weary sigh.
“Depends on what you’ve got planned, I suppose,” he said.
Trying to figure out his tastes, Chester wondered which answer would score highest
with this handsome, fickle stranger. His assumption wasn’t really what he himself was in the
mood for, but he was happy to settle for second best if it meant a few hours of fun. He
decided on an answer that might give him another clue and yet leave options open.
“Planned? Nothing so far, to be honest. I prefer to…” Chester paused briefly for emphasis,
“…take it as it comes.”
One black eyebrow went up and Chester knew he had misjudged the guy’s preferences.
He grinned. “That is, take it as in I’m the one who gets to take what he wants,” he clarified.
A spark of amusement glittered in the grey eyes as the other man drained his glass and
set it down decisively. He reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and took out a packet
of cigarettes and a lighter. “Cigarette?”
“No, thanks.” Chester was confused. Had he misunderstood after all?
The man shrugged and stood up, turning out to be even taller than Chester had
estimated. “I’m going outside for a cigarette now. When you’ve decided what you want you
can follow me and we’ll see if we want the same things.”
Not waiting for an answer he left, ignoring the heads that turned in his wake. Chester
went after him. Outside, the man lit a cigarette and looked at Chester. “Does that mean
you’ve made up your mind?”
“There isn’t much to make up,” Chester said honestly. “Frankly, I think any guy would
be stupid not to take a chance at getting you into his bed.”
The man smirked. “That’s what you think?”
Chester nodded. “Sure. Besides, I like it either way. I just didn’t think you’re a bottom,
that’s all.”
“See, that’s why it’s usually best to just call things by their name rather than tiptoeing
around, trying to read people’s minds.”
“Speaking of which, what’s your name?” Chester asked.
Sighing, the other man shook his head. “You don’t need to know my name to fuck me,
do you?”
“No, I guess I don’t exactly need to know it. It would be nice, though.”
“Why don’t you just take me to this bed of yours and I might tell you afterwards?”
Chester wasn’t pleased but decided to let it rest for now. If the guy wanted to remain
anonymous, so be it. They were just in it for one night, anyway. “I’m staying at the Westside.
Do you know it?”
He got a frown and a nod for an answer.
“Anything wrong with it?”
“No, just… I know where it is. Let’s go. Got a car with you?”
“Uh-huh,” Chester nodded and pointed at the glossy black convertible parked on the
other side of the road.
Seemingly unimpressed, the other man dropped his cigarette and crushed it with the
heel of his boot. “Good. I’ll meet you there in ten minutes.”
“Don’t you want a lift?”
“Nope. Got my own ride.” He turned around and left Chester standing there without so
much as another glance. Chester watched him walk away and disappear around the entrance
to the car park and sighed. He was tempted to simply turn around, go back inside and find
someone else. Someone who showed a little more appreciation, preferably. If only that guy
wasn’t by far the most intriguing and desirable he had seen in a long time.
By the time he arrived at the hotel, he was seriously hoping that he wasn’t going to be
stood up. There hadn’t been any other car going in the same direction and it had taken him
well over ten minutes to get there. To his relief, he saw the tall, dark figure he was hoping for
as soon as he pulled into the hotel’s car park. Smoking another cigarette, the man was
leaning on a huge black and chrome motorbike as he waited, long legs stretched out. Chester
felt his spine tingle. The scene oozed testosterone and could have been an advert, for all its
perfection.
“Beautiful,” Chester observed as he approached, leaving it open whether he was
referring to the machine or the man. The bike looked big and dangerous, the man even more
attractive yet unobtainable than before. Chester felt increasingly insecure.
“Thanks.”
“You got here fast.”
“One of the advantages of a motorbike.”
“I see. Are there any other significant ones?”
“Apart from the speed?” The man shrugged. “It just makes you feel good.”
Another cigarette died under the heel of his heavy biker boot as he reached out,
grabbed Chester by his jacket and pulled him closer with surprising strength. There was a
sexy rasp in his voice that hadn’t been there before when he added suggestively, “All that
power between your legs.”
Chester’s heart hurried to send more blood to that place between his own legs. “Like
that, do you?” Cupping one side of the man’s face with his hand to make him lower his head,
he stroked his fingertips over the light scrape of stubble. He noticed that those beautiful eyes
had turned into liquid silver in the moonlight, then their lips met and suddenly all that
mattered was satisfying the need that rapidly built inside him. Within seconds, their bodies
were pressed together, grinding and writhing in the hungry search for friction. The scent of
leather and cigarettes, mixed with that sexy smell of man, went straight to Chester’s head. No
matter how arrogant and difficult the guy was, his kiss more than made up for his attitude.
“Wanna get inside?” Chester invited.
“I thought we’d agreed that that’s your part, remember?” The other man grinned
lasciviously.
They went to Chester’s room, only just managing to wait until they were in its
confinement before they tore each other’s clothes off and tumbled onto the bed. Chester
would have been happy to take his time exploring and playing, but his lover had other plans.
After a few moments of kissing he shifted to his hands and knees, offering himself to Chester.
“Are you going to fuck me at some point tonight?” he asked impatiently as Chester nibbled a
line down his spine, trying to remember where he’d put the lube.
“Why, getting desperate?” Chester teased and finally recalled leaving the tube on the
floor right under the bed in hopeful preparation. “I just think we should warm you up a bit.”
He spread some lube on his fingers and gently started approaching his goal.
“No need to. Just stick it in.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Chester warned.
“You won’t. Just do it.”
“Hold the thought for a second. I need to, uh, find a condom first. You don’t happen to
have one with you, do you?”
The man shook his head with an impatient sigh. “No. You?”
“I thought I did. I just can’t seem to find them.” He had packed them, right? Oh God,
please…
“Don’t bother on my account.”
Chester froze. That was something he didn’t like to hear and probably the only thing
that could stop him at this point.
“Not gonna happen, mate,” he grumbled, wondering if he should just kick this
beautiful, irresponsible idiot out.
“You won’t catch anything from me. I’m as clean as they come.”
“You could be the bloody Pope and I still wouldn’t fuck you bare,” Chester snarled.
“Honestly now, is that really the way you do it?”
The man sounded resigned as he said, “Relax, Mr Proper. I don’t usually do it without
and I am clean. I’m a… My job requires me to get tested so often the ink on my last result
hasn’t time to dry before the next one’s due. If you want to call it a night, okay. If you still
wanna do it, you’d better get started while you still can.” He indicated Chester’s wilting
erection with a quick, downwards flick of his eyes.
“Oh, what the fuck,” Chester sighed, relieved when he fished the desired foil packet
from the pocket of his discarded jeans. He still felt like he was throwing caution overboard.
“I just hope I won’t regret it.”
His cock didn’t need more persuasion than it took to get the condom on. Chester
positioned himself, still careful not to go too fast and give his lover’s body time to adjust. The
other man was less considerate. As soon as Chester’s cock was inside him, he pushed back
impatiently, impaling himself on the hard length.
“Fuck, you are tight,” Chester groaned as he slid in. It was almost too much to bear for
him and he knew it must be near painful for the other man, who started moving after just a
few seconds’ hesitation, nonetheless. Chester met his movements reluctantly at first, but soon
his lover made clear what he wanted and Chester was pounding into him with all his
strength. Within minutes they were both covered in sweat and the room was filled with the
sounds of their passion, skin slapping against skin, husky grunts and groans as they raced
towards climax at a reckless speed. They crashed on the bed, spent, in a breathless, exhausted
tangle of limbs.
Chester pulled out carefully and got rid of the condom, wincing as he took it off. The
experience had left him oversensitive and aching and he knew his lover must feel it far more.
“Now I finally understand what topping from the bottom means,” Chester said, feeling
boneless.
“Regret your choice?” the other man drawled, sounding deliciously husky. He wriggled
out from underneath Chester and got up. Definitely not the cuddly type, Chester mused idly
as he watched him get dressed. Still, he was sexy as sin and Chester found him increasingly
fascinating.
He looked up and smiled. “No, definitely not, but, my, you’re pushy.”
His lover shrugged. “Nothing wrong with getting what you want, is there?”
“No, although you got me a bit worried. You’re probably going to feel this for a bit.
Sure I didn’t hurt you?”
“It’s okay. Nothing to lose sleep about.”
“You know, I’m going to be in town for a while,” Chester started cautiously. “We could
meet again.”
Already in his boots, the man picked up his jacket, looking at Chester as he shrugged
into it. “Right, we probably could meet again. I’m not interested in it happening on purpose,
though.”
“Oh, I see. Well, I guess I should wish you a goodnight, then.”
“Goodnight,” the man replied and left without a look back.
About the Author
Sage has been passionate about books from a very early age on and dreamt of writing
one for years while working on the day job instead. It took a very persistent character
in the company of a treasured Muse to finally get the first novel going. The fact that he
was gay came as a bit of a surprise, but it explained a lot.
Ever since, Sage has been the willing slave to all the fascinating guys who just keep
queuing up and want their stories told. This has resulted in several manuscripts at
various stages of completion, so there’s always something to work on—preferably at
night when the rest of the house is asleep.
Sage’s characters often have a dramatic and sometimes traumatic past and need to
battle some demons to be with the one they love. It doesn’t hurt that they usually get
quite a lot of naughty action along the way!
Sage loves to hear from readers. You can find her contact information, website and
author biography at
Also by Sage Marlowe
Total-E-Bound Publishing
www.total-e-bound.com
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