Zombie Films on Valentine's Day (Kiss Me Quick)

There’s nothing worse than spending Valentine’s Day without a
date,  or  so  Alec  believes—and  all  his  friends  agree.  Desperate
not to spend the night alone, he tries asking everyone he knows
to hang out with him, even going to so far as to ask a member
of his awful band to hang out for the night. Anything, after all,
must be better than spending Valentine’s Day alone.

Kiss  Me  Quick  is  collection  of  short  and  sweet  stories  from
authors familiar and new, celebrating the season of love. Come
and  enjoy  these  tales  of  misunderstandings,  lonely  singles,
pining  lovers,  and  so  much  more!  Because  if  there  is  one  thing
that is never in doubt, it’s that LT3 knows the way to your heart,
and these stories are a straight shot.

Zombie Films on Valentine's Day
By Emily Gould

Published by Less Than Three Press

All  rights  reserved.    No  part  of  this  book  may  be  used  or
reproduced  in  any  manner  without  written  permission  of  the
publisher, except for the purpose of reviews.

Edited by Courtney Davidson
Cover designed by Megan Derr

This  book  is  a  work  of  fiction  and  as  such  all  characters  and
situations  are  fictitious.  Any  resemblance  to  actual  people,
places, or events is coincidental.

First Edition February 2012
Copyright © 2012 by Emily Gould
Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 9781620041147

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Zombie Films on Valentine's Day

"You see this," Rowan said smugly, "is why I made plans in

advance."

Alec scowled at him, curling his feet up onto the sofa and

sliding his hoodie over his knees, "A plan, huh?"

"Yep. I booked a table for two in a restaurant ages ago,

somewhere  real  swish  with  a  fancy  wine-list.  Then  last  night  I
'phoned round every desperate single guy I know to ask if they'd
be  interested  in  coming  along  and  paying  for  it.  They  get  a
proper  Valentine's  Day  tomorrow  night,  I  get  a  free  meal.
Everyone's  happy."  Rowan  grinned  at  the  morose  look  on  his
housemates face. "Of course it's too late to book a place now,
not  unless  you  fancy  trying  to  convince  one  of  my  rejects  to
cough up for a Big Mac at McDonalds."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm surprised you didn't just stick cards up on

the inside of phone-boxes." Alec snapped back, "'Rowan
Lawson, Valentine's Day special. £50 for a meal and a good fu-'
Ow!" The cushion bounced off the side of his head as he
struggled to get his arms out of the hoodie pockets to block it.

"So what are your plans then?" Rowan reached over and

snatched the cushion back, pressing it down onto his feet. It had
been  a  harshly  cold  winter  and  neither  him,  nor  Alec  nor  their
other housemate Olivia, could afford to spend much on heating.
Which  was  why  Rowan  and  Alec  were  currently  sharing  the
sofa,  wrapped  up  in  every  available  blanket  in  the  house  and
surrounded by cushions.

Alec shrugged, not willing to admit that he had no plans, "I

dunno. Probably go out with the band. We've got a rehearsal
later. I could ask them if they wanted to meet up for Valentine's
Day as well."

"You're spending Valentine’s day with that shitty collection

of friends you call a band." Rowan laughed, wincing slightly as
Alec kicked at his leg, "That's pretty sad. Even for you."

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They stopped bickering as the front door rattled and a few

seconds  later  Olivia  peeked  into  the  tiny  room,  wrapping  her
arms  around  her  jacket,  "God  it's  freezing  in  here;  I  swear  it's
warmer  outside.  Can  we  not  manage  the  heating  for  a  few
minutes  at  least?"  She  headed  through  to  the  small  kitchen,
grabbing the kettle and cautiously negotiating the piled heap of
washing-up  to  reach  the  tap.  "You'll  give  me  hypothermia.  I
can't do waitressing if my fingers fall off."

"Olivia, are you doing anything special tomorrow evening?"

Alec tried desperately, "I wondered if you wanted to stay in and
catch a film maybe? We could get a takeaway or something,
maybe crank up the heating a bit …"

"I am still going out with Harris you know, even if we don’t

spend much time together nowadays. He's got tomorrow night
off." She gave him an apologetic smile. "So no, sorry."

Rowan smirked, "Well on the plus side that means if you do

manage to get lucky, you'll have the house to yourself."

"I could bring the band back here!"
Olivia looked at him pityingly, "Oh Alec, you’re not spending

Valentine's Day with them are you?"

"See?" Rowan tipped his head back and addressed the

ceiling, "That’s what I said!"

*~*~*

It wasn't a particularly good rehearsal. They never were.
Alec sat on his amp, gently strumming through the few

chords he knew as the drummer and the lead guitarist
screamed their way through yet another argument. Next to him,
he heard the bassist give a sigh and crouch down, lighting up a
cigarette under the 'No Smoking' sign.

The band had officially formed about a year ago, with three

friends Alec had met during his brief stint as a hotel dishwasher.
The bassist had been recently replaced with someone that Alec
didn't know much about except that he'd been at school with
the drummer and had once eaten an entire roast turkey for a

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Zombie Films on Valentine's Day

bet. Curious he slid down off the amp and sat cross-legged next
to the man.

"Hey." He tried. It was the night before Valentine's Day after

all. Valentine's Day eve or something. As good a day to make a
new friend as any.

The bassist looked up at him, swiping the hair out of his

eyes. "Hey. Want a smoke?"

"Uh. No."
The man shrugged. Alec tried frantically to remember his

name. "Umm …" he glanced around, hoping for inspiration.
"Well. Have you got any plans for tomorrow night then?"

The bassist raised an eyebrow, "Yer comin' onto me?"
"No. " Alec said a little too quickly. He liked to think of

himself  as  far  less  desperate  than  Rowan,  but  the  idea  of
spending  Valentine’s  Day  alone  was  seeming  less  and  less
appealing  the  closer  the  evening  got.  "I  mean.  Unless  you're
interested that is. Everywhere is probably booked but my house
is free and, um, I know a good takeaway place …"

"Nah, sorry kid. Not my type."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. No offence but yer lacking in boobs."
"Ah." Alec felt himself flush. He had a horrible feeling he'd

come across as stupidly desperate. Maybe he could cope with a
night on his own, maybe he could just drink himself into a
stupor and forget the whole evening.

"If yer know any single ladies though?"
Alec gave a small grin. It seemed that Valentine's Day made

everyone slightly desperate. "I don't know any at the moment.
Do, um, do you know of any guys?"

"Nah. Only straight ones. Sorry."
Alec nodded. He had a sudden urge to ask the man's name,

but  they'd  been  getting  on  so  well  that  he  didn't  want  to
introduce  any  awkwardness.  It  was  unlikely  to  be  a  lasting
friendship  anyway,  he  knew  the  band  was  getting  close  to
tearing itself apart. It was already running on nothing more than

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Zombie Films on Valentine's Day

misplaced nostalgia and delusions of grandeur. Mournfully he
placed the guitar on his lap and plucked at the strings.

"Look on the bright side." The bassist gave him a brief half

smile, "That guitar'll get yer a nice little packet if you flog it off
at the right auction."

*~*~*

"You went to the interview for the catering position?" The

woman across the desk looked down at Alec severely and he
wrenched his eyes away from the large Valentine's day card on
her desk. It had a rather sickly picture on of a blue floppy-eared
bunny on the front clutching at a bright pink heart.

"Uh, yes …"
"You weren't successful?"
Obviously. He bit back the retort, "No."
She gave him a pointed stare and he glared sulkily back at

her until she finally gave in with a sigh, "Can you think of any
reason why that might be Mr. Davies?"

He shrugged while the excuses he’d used many times

before rolled around in his head, 'I'm fed up with interviews', 'I
have no qualifications', 'I'm a scruffy little punk with no talent.'

She glanced briefly at the clock, counting down the hours

and minutes until she could run out, grab a nice dress and
spend the evening trying to forget her job, "What about
appearances, did you wear something smart?"

"Yes."
They stared each other down, both bored and frustrated,

both wishing they were somewhere else. Alec pointed at the
card on her desk, "Is he taking you out tonight?"

"Mr. Davies! I hardly think that is an appropriate question."
He slumped back onto the chair, "No one's taking me out."
"Yes, well." She looked down at her notes and he heard her

mutter under her breath, "What a surprise."

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He suddenly felt very tired. "Look do you have any more

interviews for me or what? How many more do I need before I
can sign on for social?"

She ignored the question, "Have you tried looking for any

interviews yourself? Anything you saw in the papers you might
like to apply for?"

Alec shrugged. He hadn’t looked. "Didn’t see anything."
"Seasonally it's a bad time. Christmas jobs are over and the

summer ones haven't gone up yet." She turned to her computer
and typed a few things in. "I suggest you start taking your lack of
a  career  a  little  more  seriously  Mr.  Davies.  I  know  you  think
you're  happy  to  survive  on  Social  Security  for  the  rest  of  your
life,  but  you might  feel  slightly  differently when  you  hit  forty."
Her severe look was slightly spoilt as she glanced up at the clock
again.

Alec nodded. As soon as the half-hour was up he fled,

scuttling home as fast as he could.

*~*~*

Rowan was getting ready, and looking as smug as anyone

wearing  a  faded  yellow  dressing  gown  and  a  towel  over  their
head  could  possibly  look.  Olivia  was  leaving  just  as  Alec
returned,  and  the  sad  sympathetic  little  look  she  gave  him  as
she  scurried  out  the  door  was  somehow  worse  than  all  of
Rowan's  self-satisfied  words  put  together.  The  heating  was  on
at  least,  so  he  flopped  down  into  the  sofa  and  grabbed  at  the
remote.

"That doesn't work." Rowan said after he’d spent a few

minutes uselessly hitting the buttons. "The channels got cut off,
remember?"

"Why is it still here and turned on then." Alec threw the

remote at the TV, scowling as it missed and bounced off the
wall. "It's still costing us to run it."

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Zombie Films on Valentine's Day

"You can play DVDs can't you?" Rowan tugged the damp

towel off his head and dumped it into Alec's lap. "Are you
seriously going to stay here all evening?"

"I can't go out can I, every where's full of couples."
"You could come with me, I could try and hide you under

the table, sneak some bread rolls down or something."

Alec scowled at him, although he couldn't help feeling a

little curious. Rowan tended only to get this obnoxious when he
was worried or nervous. "Did you find anyone?"

"Yeah. An ex."
"Which ex?"
"No one you know." Rowan grabbed a bottle of hair gel and

began to run his fingers through his hair, gelling it up into
spikes. "Just a guy I went out with once, back when I was in
Camden."

Alec looked slightly dubiously at the choice of clothes laid

over the back of the sofa. "A guy who likes you in spiky hair and
denim?"

"Shut the fuck up at least I have someone." Rowan scowled

at  him.  "I  just  brought  these  down  to  show  Olivia.  You  know,
see  if  it  would  work."  He  grabbed  the  clothes  and  headed
upstairs  as  Alec  hauled  himself  off  the  sofa  and  began  to  look
listlessly over the DVD collection. It wasn't so much a collection
as  a  cardboard  box  full  of  Olivia's  nature  documentaries,  a
couple  of  cheap  classics  and  random  half-price  titles.  Rowan
relied on his computer for entertainment.

Alec stuck on one of the randoms and fell back into the

sofa,  curling  himself  up  and  tugging  the  hoodie  over  his  knees
again.  It  wasn't  so  much  the  loneliness  of  his  present  life  that
bothered  him,  but  the  nagging  worry  that  it  might  never  go
away.  Was  he  ever  likely  to  find  a  job?  A  steady  boyfriend?  A
place  to  live  that  didn't  involve  sharing?  He  didn't  even  have
anyone  he  would  properly  call  a  friend.  The  band  were
acquaintances. Olivia was a housemate. Rowan was an irritating
jerk.

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Rowan came back down in jeans and a leather jacket, his

face looking oddly pale and vulnerable in the unfamiliar
ensemble. "Well? How do I look?"

"Like someone about to start a riot."
Rowan stuck two fingers up at him and grabbed his wallet,

stuffing it into the jacket pocket. "OK, see you tomorrow
morning then. Try not to kill yourself while I'm away."

"Yeah, yeah." Alec jumped as his phone started to ring,

making a dive across the sofa to reach it. Rowan gave a grin.

"If that's some guy asking you out I will eat this jacket, I

swear."

"It's the bassist from my band." Alec mumbled, trying to

shield the phone as Rowan laughed and then left, shutting the
door with a slam.

"Hey kid … Alex yeah?" The bassist’s voice sounded

awkward and Alec remembered that he still didn't know the
man's name.

"Yes? Alec, yes. What do you want?"
"Is, well, is that offer for takeaway and movie still on?"
Alec gaped at the phone, his mind freewheeling in

confusion. "You, sorry, you want to go out with me?"

There was an embarrassed sounding laugh from the other

end of the phone. "Nah, sorry, yer still not my type but I'm
kinda stuck at home alone right now. I can pick up the takeaway
on my way over if ya like."

"We don't really have any DVDs." Alec managed, still trying

to wrap his mind around the welcome offer. Being with
someone else and bitter sounded like a far more welcome
alternative to staying alone and bitter.

"I'll bring my zombie ones. Yer OK with zombie's yeah?"
Alec nodded, and then quickly replied back down the

phone. "Sure, I'll grab some beer from the off-license, you know
where my place is, right?"

"Yeah, we had practice there a month ago."
"Great." It was sad, but for some reason he felt genuinely

excited about the thought of having someone else at home with

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him,  even  if  it  was  a  frustrated  straight  guy  with  a  liking  for
zombies.  He  hurried  out  to  get  the  drinks,  staggering  back  in
with  three  bulging  carrier  bags  and  a  horrible  feeling  he'd  just
maxed  out  his  credit  card.  Ah  well,  it  was  Valentine's  Day.  No
need to be stingy.

The bassist arrived soon after with a bag full of food and a

whole selection of films with gory dismemberment on the
covers. Alec turned the heating on and they both collapsed on
the sofa, grinning slightly awkwardly at each other.

"Happy Bitter Singles night, what DVD do yer want then?"
"I-I'm afraid I don't actually know your name." Alec said

quickly, wanting to get that over as quickly as possible.

The bassist stared at him then gave a laugh, "Karl."
"Karl, right, sorry." He flushed and grabbed at the DVDs,

"Which one is safest to watch while eating food?"

"Tell yer what, we'll start with Night of the Living Dead and

work forwards in time from that, yeah?"

They split open the food and shared it, balancing the greasy

little boxes in precarious piles on the coffee table, and gradually
filling  them  with  empty  cans  of  beer.  By  the  third  film  they'd
already  pulled  together  enough  rules  for  a  halfway  decent
drinking  game,  which  meant  that  every  gory  battle  was
punctuated  with  calls  of  "Entrails,  drink!"  "Broken  leg,  drink!"
"Guy having to shoot his friend, finish the can!"

Alec was half convulsed in laughter when the key rattled the

lock, so he didn't hear it until Karl punched his arm, "Hey,
what's that?"

"W-what?" It was dark by this time, and although the ceiling

bulb was trying its best, they'd switched off all the other lights
to save electricity.

They heard the door scrape open and Alex frowned,

shuddering slightly. "M-maybe Olivia broke up with her
boyfriend?"

"Nah, no one breaks up on Valentine's day."
They stayed silent as footsteps approached the door, and

Alec was just starting to work himself up into some kind of

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terror when the mysterious visitor crashed into something in
the hallway and collapsed in a pile of swearwords.

Alec pushed himself off the sofa and staggered over,

"Rowan!"

"Fuck, who put this fucking toaster here. Why do we have a

toaster in the hall?"

"It's broken." Alec groped for the hall light and managed to

get it on, staring down in alarm as Rowan tried to push himself
upright. "Bloody hell Rowan, are you alright? You're bleeding!"

Karl paused the DVD and then poked his head around the

door, frowning. "Hey, who did you lose a fight with?"

"He fell over a toaster." Alec explained.
"Toaster blacked his eye and busted his lip up, yeah? That's

some toaster."

"Shut the fuck up, I have no idea who you are." Rowan

snapped at him, trying to retain some semblance of dignity. He
kicked out at the toaster and then frowned up at them both.
"Wait, Alec did you get a date?"

"No! No, this is Karl, he's the bassist in my band." Alec half-

expected Rowan to laugh, or start taking the piss about him
spending the evening with a band-member after all, but instead
Rowan just gave a tired sigh.

"Well you kids have a good time, I'm going to bed."
"Hey wait." Karl put a hand on Rowan's shoulder as he

stumbled towards the stairs. "Stay down here. Yer not in any
state to be on yer own, there's some good zombie flicks comin'
up."

"I don't like zombies." Rowan grumbled.
"We have beer?" Alec offered.
"Now you're talking!"

*~*~*

The sofa wasn't quite big enough for three people so Rowan

ended up sprawled in Alex's lap with his legs dangling over the
edge of the armrest, while Karl took up the other half, building

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his empty beer cans into a tall shaky tower by the side of the
sofa.

"Entrails! Drink!"
Alec gently swiped a finger over the side of Rowan's face,

drawing it back as Rowan winced. "Did your date do that?"

"Just leave it, alright?" Rowan mumbled.
"You want I should take some mates and do him over fer

it?" Karl raised his voice of the sound of zombie-related
carnage.

"Not worth it. It's my own stupid fault for going out with

him again." Rowan gave a disgusted sigh and tilted the beer can
over his mouth. "This was why I broke up with him in the first
sodding place. You'd think I'd learn."

"Everyone gets desperate around Valentine's day." Alec

pointed out.

"Yeah, but there's desperate and there's stupid." Rowan

threw the empty can over the back of the sofa, narrowly missing
Alec's head, and fumbled for another one. "I mean you were
desperate but you didn't just grab at some random sadistic
bastard you used to know, you got a mate over for a takeaway."

"I don't know any random sadistic bastards." Alec gave a

small snigger, splashing the beer onto his shirt and Rowan rolled
his eyes.

"Lightweight."
"I've had quite a lot to drink thank you very much. There

have been a lot of entrails."

Rowan smiled and let his eyes drift closed, "You're still a

lightweight. Stop dropping beer all over me."

*~*~*

They were still on the sofa when Olivia returned the next

morning, all three sprawled out in a heap surrounded by beer
cans and DVDs. Waking up was a little awkward, as Karl had
somehow managed to end up cuddled next to Rowan, and Alec

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had drooled over his shirt and all three of them were badly
hungover.

"This … " Rowan moaned, draping a wet towel over his head

and pushing Alec off the sofa so he could lie stretched out, "This
is why I shouldn't drink beer after having wine."

Karl started grabbing at the DVDs, shoving them into an

empty carrier bag. "We need to get proper dates next year,
yeah? All three of us."

"Proper dates, not bastards who get violent when I refuse

to … oh God, I'm going to be sick." Rowan mumbled from under
the towel.

Karl grabbed at another plastic bag and started loading the

rubbish into it, prodding Alec with his foot, "C'mon kid, get up.
Yer friend needs a bucket."

Alec managed to stagger upright. "Proper dates next year,

definitely. We should make, like, a resolution. A Valentine's Day
resolution. By this time next year we all have attractive non-
psychotic partners."

"With high earning potential." Rowan added.
"Yeah, otherwise we're just gonna be stuck with each other

again." Karl pointed out.

There was silence for a little, as Alec tried to marshal his

thoughts  into  some  form  of  working  order.  It  might  not  have
been the best Valentine's Day ever, but it certainly hadn't been
bad.  It  had  been  fun,  in  a  way,  to  share  the  comradeship  of
being  single,  to  feel  among  friends  and  appreciated.  For  one
evening  he'd  been  relaxed,  not  caring  about  jobs,  or  bills,  or
being alone.

He wasn't quite sure how to put that into words, but when

he looked up he noticed Karl was grinning at him.

"Wouldn't be so bad, yeah?"
"It wouldn't be bad at all."
A date would be nice, he decided, as they hauled Rowan

upstairs and over the toilet between them, but somehow it was
good to know that they had this, a fallback, a plan B in case
everything went pear-shaped.

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About the Author

Emily  has  been  making  up  stories  since  before  she  could
properly speak and has progressed from talking about them, to
writing  them,  to  finally  typing  and  publishing  them.  She  writes
the kind of stories she likes reading, and is always gratified and
mildly surprised to find other people enjoy reading them too. As
well  as  writing  stories  about  men  who  fancy  each  other,  she
enjoys knitting, listening to glam rock, and doing yoga (although
not all at the same time).

Emily has a few other lives, and in one of them she is a serious
science

blogger

for

Scientific

American:

http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/lab-rat