Taboo

Taboo

ByHilaryStorm

KindleEdition

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anyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,businessestablishments,eventsorlocalesisentirelycoincidental.

ChapterOne

Noah

"Howmanyfuckingpeopleareinmyhouse,Levi?"HecanbarelyhearmeasIyellathimthrough

thephoneandtrytogethimtohearmeoverthebackgroundnoise.

"Man,I'vegotusafewnewbiestonight,justwaittillyouseetheassandtitsIhavelinedupfor

us."Damnhim.ThelastthingIwantedwasahousefulloftemptationtonight.Thisnewinkandthe

irritationofsittingalldamndayhaveleftmeinashittymood.

"Levi.You'readick."

"Aw,youknowIgotyou.I'llevenletyoupickfirst."

"You'refuckin’right,youwill."

"GetyourassherebeforeIchangemymind."HehangsuponmeandIstartmytrucktogethomeas

quicklyaspossible.Ineedtomakesurethey’renottearingupmydamnhouse.

Hehastofindaplacesoon.Ican'tdealwiththisshiteverynight.Heletstoomanypeoplethrough

thedoorsandmyhouseisgettingtornup.WhenIthrowaparty,it'spreciseandonlythebestofthebest

areinvited.Hejusttossesshitonthebarandcranksthemusicthencallsitaparty,invitinganypieceof

assherunsintothatday.

I'mstillthinkingaboutallofhisbullshitwhenIshiftgearsharderthanImeantopullingontomy

street,andthatevenpissesmeoff.FuckingLevi.

Ipullbesidethedrivewayandbegincursingoutloud.SomeoneparkedatoplessJeepinmy

fuckingparkingspot.Ishouldhavethatpieceofshittowed.Thesoundofmusicstartingupandthe

vibratingofthewindowspullmyattentionawayfromthedrivewayanddirectlyintothewindowofmy

livingroom.

ThereareabouttwentypeoplethatIcansee,mostlywomen.Iglancearoundtolookattherestof

thecarsandtrucksparkedonmygrassandalldownthestreet.Shit.I'mobviouslynotseeingnearly

enoughpeopleinthewindowtoaccountforallofthesevehicles.

Iopenthedoorandit'slikeadamndejavu.ThisisthekindofshitIdidincollege.Alcohol

everywhere.Titsandasseverywhere.Loosewomenreadytodoanythingtomakeittothebedroom

hangingalloverthefewguysintheroom.

"Noah!LookwhoImettodayoncampus."Myeyesmovetohers.Iknowthoseeyes.

"Kali?"Hereyesfall.Thelookofdisinterestisnoted.Levibeginswalkingtowardme,leavingthe

threewomenbehind.She'soneofhistrio.Fuckeralwayspicksthree.It'saguaranteehe'llgetpussy.Hell,

mostofthetimeitmeanshe'sgettingatleastathreesome.

"Yeah,it'sKali.Lookatthosetits,man.She'sgrownthefuckup."

"Dude.Shutup."

"Aw,it'snotlikeshe'syoursisteranymore."

"Idon'tneedyoutellingmewhatsheis."Sheturnsawayfrommeandstartstalkingtoagroupof

girls,actinglikeI'mnotstandingrightherewatchinghereverymove.

"She'smypick."Ilayclaimtoherbeforehehasthechancetoputhishandsonher.Leviisafriend

ofmine,andthat'sthereasonIwanthimtostayawayfromher.Iknowexactlyhowheis.

"Nofuckingway."HestartstowalkawaylikeIwon'tstophimdeadinhistracks.Ifollowhim,

keepingmycool,forthemeanwhileanyway.HestopsnearwherehewasstandingbeforeandImovein

closetohisear.

"It'snotfuckingnegotiable.TouchherandIwillgutyou."Thecockyfuckingsmirkonhisfacegoes

alloverme.HebeginstostareintomyeyesbeforeIturntoleavetheroom,grabbingthebottleofJack

fromthecoffeetableasIwalkpast.

Everyroominmyhouseisfilledwithpeopleandshitisstartingtoalreadygettrashed.Whatlittle

patienceIhadbeforeIwalkedintothishouseexitsmybodywhenIslamthebackdoor.Maybethenight

airwillkeepmefromkillinghim.

Shelooksdifferent.She'snotsupposedtolooklikethat.It'sbeenafewyearssinceIlastsawher

andthatnightwasadisaster.

Itipthebottlebackandfeeltheliquidburnmyinsides.Tryingtoblockthesefeelings,Icontinueto

downtheliquidfire,knowingitwillonlyhelpmegetthroughthisnight.Ifnothingelse,itwillmakeme

notgiveashitaboutanything.It'slikeI'mcallingoutforthatidiotI'vebeentryingtooutgrowtocometo

thesurface.

Isitnearthefirepit,listeningtothewaterfromthewaterfallasithitsthepool.It'sstartingtofeel

peacefulouthere,eventhoughIcanhearthenoiseinside.It'snotlongbeforeIcanfeeltheeffectsofthe

alcohol,whichIwelcome.

Ipullmyshirtovermyheadtolookatmynewchestpiece.It'ssoreasfuck,butexactlywhatI

wanted.

Thesoundofthedooropeningpullsmyattentiontowardher.Sheclosesitbehindher,steppingout

ontothepatiototalkonherphone.Ijustwatchherasshemovesinthoseheels.

"He'shere."Who'shere?

"Yeah,justcomeandgetme.Ishouldn'thavecome.IknewLeviwouldleadmetohim,butIguess

he'snotinterested."Whatinthefuck?

"Justtextwhenyougethere."Shelowersherphoneandstartstogobackinside.Idon'tstopher.

Sheneedstogetthefuckoutofhereandnowistheperfecttime.

SeeingherisgettingtomemorethanIwanttoadmit.She’salwaysbeenasorespotwithmeand

thatwasbeforesheliterallyturnedintoawomanthatcanstealthebreathfrommychestwithjustasimple

lookather.Fuck,whendidshestartlookinglikethis?Ineedtogetherthehelloutofmymind.

Islidemyhoodieovermyshoulders,leavingitopeninthefrontbeforeItakeanotherhugeswigof

Jackandthengobackinside.There’sonlyonewaytomakeherleavehereandneverlookback.It'stime

tofuckingparty.

ThesecondIstepinside,ablondemovesin.It'sasifshewaswaitingonmetoreturn.Thisback

roomhasclearedout,butIcanstillhearthepartyisgoingstrong.

Sherunsherfingersinsidemyjacketandaroundmywaistthenpresseshertitsagainstme.I'mso

fuckinggladshe'sasshortassheisbecauseshemissesthetattoo,justbarely.Glancingoverherhead,I

noticeKalihasenteredtheroomandiswatchingus.She'snotupsetatallandIneedhertofuckinghate

me.Ineedhertowalkthefuckawayandneverlookback.

Islidemyhanduptheblonde'sshortskirt,grabbingassanddippingmyfingersinsideher.Using

theotherhandtoreleasehertits,Ilowermylipstolickthefakeperfectionfillingmyhand.She'sstill

watching.Icanfeelher.

Theblonde'shandsbegintoopenthebuttontomyjeansandthefeelofhergriponmehastobethe

reasonI'msohard.IrefusetobelieveithasanythingtodowithKaliwatchingme.

Theblondebeginstokneelinfrontofme,exposingmeevenmoretoKali.Hermoutharoundmy

cockfeelswarmandsodamngood.It'sinstincttowrapmyhandsinherhairandholdherclose,that'sthe

usual....It'snotnormalformetobelookingintoanotherwoman'seyestheentiretimeI'mgettingblown.

Someonewalksintotheroom,causingKalitoturnandwalkout.Idon'tevenlooktoseewhoit

wasthatentered,it'sirrelevant.Missionaccomplished.

Ilettheblondefinishmeoff;hell,sheevenswallowslikeafuckingchamp.Shetriestopushfor

more,buthonestlyI'mnotinthemood.Igotmine;sheshouldn'tbesuchawhore,droppingtoherkneesso

quickly.

"Nah,I'mgood."Ipullmypantsup,leavingherstandingthere.She'llbepissedoff,butI'msure

she'llgethersfromsomeoneelsetonight.Awhorealwaysdoes.

Iopenthedoortotherestofthehouse,glancingaroundtomakesureshe'sgone.Idon'tseeher,soI

goupstairstomybedroom.I'moverthisnightandallthisfuckingmessthatLeviseemstogetmein.

IsendhimatexttogeteveryoneoutofmyhouseNOW.He'lltakehissweetfuckintime,butatleast

thiswillgettheballrolling.IdialMandy.Shehastogetherbrotheraplacetostaytomorrow.

"What'sup?"

"Ineedyoutofindthisassholeaplace.Tomorrow."

"Whatdidhedo?"

"Everyfuckingnightisadamnparty.I'mthroughwiththatshit.IlikemyhousequietunlessI'mthe

onemakingthefuckingnoise."Iliebackonmybedandsprawloutasshecontinuestotalk.

"I'llseewhatIcanfind."

"It'sonlybecausehe'syourbrotherandwegowaybackthatIhaven'tthrownhisassoutalready."

"AndIappreciatethat.I'lldowhatIcantomorrow."

"What'reyouwearing?"

"Noah....YouknowI'mnotgoingtoplaywithyou."

"Yeah.Can'tblamemefortrying."

"I'vegrowntoexpectit.Howmanyaretheretonight?"

"Myhouseisfullofdrunks."

"Gofindyouapieceofassoutthere."

"Ididn'tseeanythatIwanted."

"I'msureifyoudrank,you'dfindsomeonethatfitsyourstandards.Especiallysincethosestandards

changewithalcohol."

"Heynow."

"Youcan'tevendenyit,Noah."

"Tellmehowsoftyourtitsare."

"Goodnight,Noah."

"COMEON."

"Noah,seriously.Youknowhowfuckingsoftmytitsare.Youknowthey'reafull-sizeD,andyou

knowexactlyhowitfeelstorunyourtongueoverthem."

"Keeptalking."

"NOAH.I'llseeyoutomorrow."Ihearthelinegosilent.Whydowehavetobesogoodatfucking

andsoterribleatrelationships?I'veknownMandysincehighschool,andLeviishertwin.

She'salwayshadhershittogether,whereasLeviisobviouslyadifferentstory.That'sexactlywhy

I'vespentmoreofmylifechillingwithLevi,butthingshavechanged.I'mnotreadytogobackwardsin

lifewheremyhouseisconstantlytrashedandthecopsarecalledjusttokeepthenoisedown.

ChapterTwo

Noah

IlietheremostlyinthedarkandstarttothinkaboutKali.NomatterhowhardItrytoswitchmy

thoughtsto,hellevenMandy,Ican’thelpbutstayfocusedonthewayshelookedwatchingme.There'sno

doubtinmymindthatshewasturnedonwatchingme.Iswearifitwould'vebeenanotherwomanstanding

therelikethat,Iwould'vewalkedawayfromtheblowjobandapproachedherjustoutofcuriosity.

Anyonewhocanhandlethathastobeafuckinfreak.KnowingthewomanthatIconstantlythinkaboutis

atthatlevel...shouldflipmethefuckout,butdamnit,itdoesn't.Itintriguesme.

Istandandremovemyjeans,droppingeverythingtothefloor.Mydickistwitchingbacktolifeand

Istarttoconsiderwalkingbackouttheretobringapieceofassintomyroomtoplayforthenight.Ineed

towashthelastwhoreoffofmefirst.Infact,ahotshowersoundsdamnperfect.Icanstillheartheparty

goingstrong,eventhoughItoldthatfuckertoendit.HehasuntilIfinishthisshowerandpullmypickfor

thenighttogetpeopleoutofmyfuckinghouse.

Tossingmyphoneonthedressernearthebathroomdoor,Iglanceatthepictureofmewithmydad

thatsitsundertheonlylamplitintheroom.I’malmostpositivethatpicturehadtobethatsummerwe

movedawayfromKaliandhermom.Ihadjustturnedeight….shewould’vebeensix.Irememberbeing

confusedbywhatwashappening.ThatsummerwasthebeginningofthelifeIwouldcometoknowalltoo

wellwithadrunkenfatherthatdoesn’tevengiveafuckifhissoneats.Ihaven’tseenhiminyearsand

don’tplantoseethatassholeanytimesoon.

IstopdeadinmytracksrightafterIstepintothebathroom.Thatsilhouettecaughtmyattention.I

reallyneedtogetmyheadoutofmyassandtakenoticeofmysurroundings.Itwasn’tuntilthebathroom

lighthitthatcorneroftheroomthatIevenhadafeelingIwasbeingwatched.

Icouldletheroffeasilyandjustgetintotheshower,allowinghertoescape….butwhat’sthefun

inthat?

Instantlyopeningthedoorandtakingastepback,Ibegintomovearoundtheroom.She’sstanding

now,frozeninmidstep,butIdon’tletonthatIseeher.

Whatthefuckisshedoinginmybedroom?Thisshitisgettingoutofcontrol.It'sonethingformy

mindtobethinkingofher,butforhertokeepshowingupinmyactualfuckingspace...that'sadifferent

situationaltogether.

MyangerstartstosparkthoughtsofhowtohandlethisandIquicklychoosetoteachheralesson.

Sheshould'veneverwalkedthroughthefrontdoorofmyhouse,letalonethefuckingdoortowhereI

sleep.

Grabbingapairofshorts,IwalktothedooronamissionasIstepthrougheachleg.Thisisa

momentI'mgoingtosayasilentthankyoutoLeviforbeingapaininmyassandnotlisteningabout

gettingeveryoneoutquicklybecauseIcanstillhearthecrowd.Turningthelightonandleavingthedoor

open,Istepoutintothehallway.

There'sahotbrunettewalkingdownthehalltowardtheroomLeviiscurrentlystayingin.

"Hey."Sheturnsherheadwithasexyovertheshoulderlookandstopsinhertracksatthesoundof

myvoice.

"Oh,hey."Herhandsgotoherlonghairasshestartstotwirlonefingerthroughafewstrands.

Idon'ttakeastepoutofmydoorway,there'snofuckingwayI'mlettingthepersonbehindthat

silhouetteescapebeforeshegetsaneyefullofwhysheneedstostaythefuckawayfromme.

"Comehere."Thebrunetteturnsandwalkshersexyassstraighttowardme.Herlegsgoonfordays

inthoseheelsandthatshortreddress.Eachofherstepsisdirectlyinfrontofthelast,causingherhipsto

movewithperfection.Shit,thiswillbesuchaperfectlessonforKali.

"WhatcanIhelpyouwith?"Hereyelasheshavetobefake,they'retooperfectnottobe.

"Tellmeyouhaveafriendthatyoucanbringtomyroomtojoinus."

"Whatexactlydoyouhaveinmind?"Imoveslowlytowardhermouth,lookingdeepintohereyes.

Iletmyhandslideuphersmallcurves,purposelybrushingeveryinchofskinmyhandcancover.Slowly

slippingmyfingersintothehaircoveringthebackofherneck,Igriptightly,pullingherheadbackwith

theforceofmyaction.Hereyeswidenandshebeginstosmile.

"YouknowwhatI'mafter,gofindsomeone."Idropmyhandfromthegripofherhairandturntogo

backintomyroom.

She'smovedfromthefrozenstateshewasinearlier.Idon'tseeherrightaway.Ifitweren'tforthe

factthatInoticedmyclosetdoorwasclosedearlier,I'dhavenoideathatshewasstillinhere.

Ipurposelyopentheclosetdoorallthewayandturnonthelight,beforeItossmydirtyclotheson

thefloorjustinside.Remainingnonchalantisentertainingtome.IshouldreallybenicetothegirlIused

tocallmysister,butthatshipsailedafewyearsago.

AniceguywouldneverdowhatI'mabouttodo.

Thebrunettedidn'tdisappoint.NowI'mtryingtodecidewhoIshouldstartwith.There'sablonde

withfaketitsandgoldenbrownskin,aredheadwithfairskinandfromwhatIcantellaverynicesetof

realtits,andthenofcoursethebrunetteImetinthehall.Ihonestlycouldn'thavechosenthembetter

myself.

Allthreearehalfdressedtostartwith,notthattheydidn'tentertheroomslidingtheirstrapsdown

andtheirshirtsoff.

I'mdeliberatelystandingwithmybacktothecloset.IfKaliiswatching,she'sgotmynakedassas

herviewwithmyhandslidingupanddownmydickasItrytoprepareforthislittleshow.

Thegirlsbegintotouchme,notleavingeachotheroutintheprocess.Ithastobetheirnailssliding

acrossmyskinthat'sbringingthischilltothesurface.AlthoughIdolovethethoughtofsomeonewatching

me,inthepastIalwaysmadesureeveryonewasinontheaction.Thistimethatwillbedifferent.She'll

bewatching.I'llfeelhereyesonmeasIfuckthesewomenandtrynottothinkabouther.ThewomanI

usedtolivewithasachildandconsideredasister.WhatkindoffuckedupshitamIdoing?

Iletthethoughtsofmyactionsrunthroughmyheadwhileatleasttwoofthemdroptotheirknees.

Turningsideways,Igiveherabetterviewandthefeelingofherwatchinghitsmedeep.Mydickbecomes

rockhardknowingshe'sseeingthisandIhatemyselfforwishingitwashermouthfullofmydick.Her

tonguerunningunderthefulllengthandgivingmethatmoanofappreciationwhensherealizesjusthow

longandwidemybigdickreallyis.

Handsareeverywhere.Idon'thavetodoathing.Theyallknowwhattodo.Istandtherewithmy

legsjustfarenoughapartforthemtosuckonmyballsaswell.Thisisabonusforme.Veryfewwomen

willputballsintheirmouth.

Theblondemovestothebedwithbothhandspullingmealongwithher.Iletherleadmeknowing

howthiswillgo.Iwillfuckallnightlong.Iwillhiteveryangleofeachofthesewomenandholdmy

releaseuntilIcanbarelystandthethoughtoffrictiononmydick.ThisishowIusedtodothisanduntil

nowIdidn'tthinkIwouldwanttoeverdoitagain.

Ireachforacondomandslipitintoplace.GettingaviewofallthepussyI'mabouttofuck,Istand

andbegintocontemplatethisentirething.

Thisisadickmove.Iknowthis.Sheshouldbewalkingoutofhereandnottoleratingmyshit,yet

fromwhatIcantellshe'sstillinthatfuckingclosethidingasifshe'snothere.

Thewomenbegintolickandkissandfingerfuckeachother.Theliquidsoundsofsmackinginthe

roomfillsmyears.Wetness.Somuchfuckingwetnessatmydisposal.

Idipmyfingersdeepintothebrunette.Pullinghermoistureoutandleavingitalloverher,Iletmy

fingersslideupanddownthecrackofherass.

Shearchesherbackandtiltsherasstogivemethebestviewofherinallherglory.Sopinkinside,

soperfectlywaxedontheoutside.There'snothingprettierthanthatrightthere.

Loweringmyface,Ibegintotastewheremydickwillbeslidingverysoon.

Iusemyhandstoliftherhipsandspreadheropen,rightbeforeItonguefuckher.Myteethgripher

clitandtug,causinghertoscreamoutasmyteethslideoverherclituntilitslipsfrommygrip.

GlancingupasImakelongstrideswithmytongue,IcatchaglimpseofKalimovingoutofthe

closet.Iletmyheadturntofullyseeherfaceandit'sfullofdisgust.She'sslowsteppingtowardthedoor

tryingtoleavewithoutasound,butIneedtomakeapoint.

Imovequicklytowardthedoor,meetingherjustasshereachesit.Hereyeswon'tmeetmine.Her

breathingisheavyandherchestispracticallyburstingoutofhershirt.I'mnotsureifit'sherheartbeating,

herbeingturnedon,oracombinationofboth.

ShereachesfortheknobandIraisemyhandoverherheadtosecurethedoorclosed.She'sfacing

itnow,headlowered.MynakedbodygravitatestowardherasItrymyhardestnottosmashheragainst

thecolddoorandgrindonthatbeautifulbody.Mydickisreachingforher.Ourbreathsbegintocome

simultaneouslyandIclosemyeyesbeforeIsaythesewords.

"Whyismysistertryingtowatchmefuck?"Myvoiceisdeep.Grumblyandbreathy.

"I'mnotyoursister."

"Wouldyourmomagree?"Shedoesn'trespondbutlowersherheadevenfurther.Herhandslides

behindherandovertheskinthat'sscreamingtotouchher.Soclosetothedickthat'spracticallybegging

forher.Iwantthistouch.Iwanttofeelhergrip,hernailstoleavemarkssoI'llhavethememoryofher

beingthere.ButIcan't.

"Kali.Youusedtorefertomeasyourbrother.Staythefuckoutofmybedroom."

"Orwhat?YouknowI'mnottheonlyonefeelinglikethis."Sheturnstofaceme.Lookingcloseinto

mysoul,toofuckingclosetothedepthsofmythoughtsasshemovesmeclosertoher.Mynakedbodyis

touchinghers.Herhipsagainstmine,Ilowermyforeheadtohersandshareherairforafewmomentsof

breathing.Myarmisstillholdingthedooraboveherhead,butIcan'tgetenoughairlikethis.I'm

suffocating.

Ipullmyeyesawayfromhersandbackaway.Hertouchisinstantlymissed.

"Kali,you'djustbeanotherpieceofass.I'drathernothavetolivewiththefactthatIfucked

someoneIcalledmysister."

"Wearen'tevenrelated."

"Familyisn'tdefinedbyblood.Iwillneverfuckyou."

"Imissyou,Noah."Imissyoutoo.Ican'tsaythistoher,Ineedhertoleavebeforemyinternal

strengthgivesintowhatIreallywant.

"Kali.Youneedtogetthefuckoutofmyhouse.Idon'twantyoutocomeback.JustlikeItoldyou

yearsago,thiswillneverhappen."Droppingmyhandfromthedoor,Iturnandwalkmynakedassaway

fromher.I'mthinkingbeingnakedisn'tprobablythebestwaytohavethatconversation.Goddamnit.I

should'vejustthrownheroutwhenIsawherinmybedroomatfirst.ButIhadtogoandtrytoprovea

fuckingpointthatsheneedstostayawayfromme....AndthenIendupplasteredupagainstherbody,

wantingtobedeepinsideher.

"Yeah,Iremember....It'staboo.Offlimits,againsttherules.Takecare,Noah."Thesoundofthe

doorclosingstopsmeinmysteps,she'sgoneagain.Iseethethreewomenonmybed,lickingandfucking

asifIweren’tevenmissingfromtheirequation.HowisitIwasabletotunethisoutwhenIwaswith

her?Thisiseveryman'sdream.Everymanbutme.

"Getthefuckout."

ChapterThree

Noah

Thisnightwillneverend.Ifinallykickedeveryoneoutofmyhouse;well,everyoneexceptthe

whorewithLevi.Thesoundsoffuckingcomingfromhisroomaremylaststraw.

Igrabmysweatpantsandputonmyrunningshoes.Hopefullyarunwillhelpmegetridofsomeof

thisaggression.Tobehonest,Ishould'vefuckedthosewomen.Ishould'vefuckedthemsohardthatIhad

nochoicebuttosleep.

IhearLevibringingithomejustasIclosethedoor.Someonegotspecialtreatmenttonight;he'snot

usuallythetypetogiveoutmultiplemomentsworthscreamingover.Iknowthisfromyearsofbeingnear

hisfuckingasswhilehegivesnofucksaboutwhoisinhisvicinity.Whenhewantstofuck...hefucks.

Thestreetsaredarkandtheairisheavy.Theweightonmyshouldersismakingmemoveslower

thannormal.Whythefuckdoessheinsistoncomingnearme?Yes,it'staboo.Yes,she'sofflimits.Yes,

that'sdisgustingtofallinlovewithsomeoneyouknowasasister.I'llalwaysloveher,butIcan'thandle

hernearme.Mymindandheartaren'tonthesamepagewhenitcomestoKali.Ican'tletmydickbreak

thetiebecauseIknowwherethat’llend.

Shecouldn'tgrowupfatandugly...noshe'sfuckingsexyandsadly,doesn'tevenknowit.I've

stoppedmyselfmanytimesrightbeforeaslipoftellingherjusthowbeautifulsheis.I'vereplayedone

specificmomentfromhighschoolnolessthanamilliontimes.

Shewasbroken.Somedickheadboyfriendofherswasfuckingacheerleaderwhoreafteragame.

ShewasinhercarcryingintheparkinglotwhenIwalkedby,soIstoppedtocheckonher.Shewrapped

herarmsaroundmeandcriedintomychest.Iheldherthroughhertears,notcaringwhowaswatching.I

rememberherrelaxingwhenmyhandsliddownherback.Sheheldmetighter,almostlikeshedidn'twant

toletmego.Iletthenightairwrapusuntiltherewasn'tasinglepersonleftintheparkinglot.

Shefinallypushedawayfrommejustslightly,notwantingtolookmeintheeye;shekeptherhead

lowered.Usingmyfingerstoliftherfaceandmythumbstodryherremainingtears,Imovedherfaceuntil

itwaslinedupwithmine.

Timefroze.MymoralsandmygiveafuckswentoutthewindowasIstoodandheldher.Icould

seeherthinkingandshewasstrugglingwithwhatwashappeningmorethanIwas.Hertonguesliding

overherlipwasthelasttestonmyrestraint.Leaningforward,Iletourlipsmeet.Itwasslowatfirst,like

weweremakingsureweweren'tgoingtobezappedstraighttohellforwhatwashappeningbetweenus.

Ourtonguesmetevenmoreshyly,thenitwaslikeacravingpassionovertookusboth.Icouldn'tgetdeep

enoughintohermouth,intoherarms,intoherspace.IwantedtobeeverywhereandIcouldn'tgetthere

fastenough.

Myhandsmovedunderhershirt;sheslidherhandsundermine.Wekneweachothersowell,but

thiswasusexploringeachotherfortheveryfirsttime.HerskinwassosoftandIhatethatIcan

practicallyfeelitonmyfingersrightnow.

Istoprunning,gaspingforairandfightingforabreathsohardthatIhavetobendandplacemy

handsonmyknees.ThesweatfrommyheadrollsdownmyfaceandovermyeyessoIdecidetowalk

what'sleftofmypathbacktomyfrontdoor.Thinkingaboutthatnight.ThinkingabouthowI'mstilltothis

daythankfulIstoppedthatfromgoingwhereIwanteditto.Howsheheldontighthopingformoreand

listeningtohertearsagainasIknewIwasbreakingherevenmorethanthatdickheadshewasseeing.

Thenextdaywasbrutal.Wordgotoutthatwehadthatmomentintheparkinglot.Thatdickhead

wastryingtojustifyhisactionstoeveryone,sohewentpublicwithaphonepictureofKaliandme.

Luckilyitwasjustmeholdingherandwewereabletokeepthetrulyprivatemomentexactlythat.

Steppingintomykitchen,Ismellcoffee.I'mgonnaneedcoffeetogetthroughthisday.Levidoesn't

drinkit,soI'msureit'shiswhorethat'sactuallyupandaround.Idon'tfeellikedealingwiththe

awkwardnessofmeetingwhoeveritisinthekitchen,soIgrabacupandpourquickly.Ihearthedoorto

thepantryjustasIfinishtoppingoffmycup.

Igrabahandtowelfromthedrawerandturn,hopingtoescapewithoutbeingtalkedto.Mygrip

tightensonmycupwhenIseeher.She'swearingablackt-shirtofLevi's.Shemayormaynotbewearing

underwearunderneath.Herhairissofucked.Shehas'fuckedallnight'hair.Ithitsmeinthatmomentthat

itwasherscreamskeepingmeup.Itwasherinthebedthatwasslammingintothewallofmybedroom

allgoddamnnight.

Mysqueezeisnomatchforthecoffeecupinmyhandasitshattersinmygrip.Hotcoffeeexplodes

alldownmybodyandalloverthefloor.

"FUCK."Myskinscreamsinpainastheliquidrunsthroughmyclothes.Iripmypantsdownand

myshirtoff,tryingtokeeptheheatofthecoffeefromburningmeevenfurther.It'ssofuckinghot.

"DAMNIT!"

"Shit,Noah.Areyouok?"

"Fuckno."Shewetsatowelandstartspattingdownmykneesandthighs.She'skneelinginfrontof

mewhenLevienterstheroom.

"What'salltheyelling?"

"Thefuckingcoffeecupbroke."

"Shit,man,I'msorry."

"Shutthefuckup.Iwantyououtofmyfuckinghousenow.Youneedtogrowupandgetyourown

damnplace."

"Whoa.Ididn'tpourcoffeeonyou,asshole."

"No,butyouhavedonenothingbutfuckshitupsinceyoumovedin."Shestandsandmovesaway

fromme,kickingmypantsovermytennisshoes,whichonlypissesmeoffevenmore.

"IsthisbecauseIfuckedKali?"

"Don'tfuckingsaythattomeagain.Youcanfuckherallyouwant.Apparently,shehasnorespect

anddoesn'thaveaproblemfuckingyournastyass."

"Noah,stop."Shestepsforwardwithhesitation.

"Fuckoff,Kali.Youshouldn'tevenbehere."

"Look,I'llletyoutalkhowyouwanttome,butleaveKalioutofthis."Leviinterruptsandonly

sendsmeintoadeeperrageaboutthisentiresituation.

"Oh,nowyouactlikeyourespecther.HowmanyyearshaveIheardhowmuchyou'dliketofuck

thatassofhers?Abouthergoddamntits?Thisisagirlthatwasonceasistertome,youfuckingdick."

"Whatdoesitmatter?Youthrewmeoutlastnight.You.Threw.Me.Out.Beforeyoufuckedyour

ownwhores.I'mleaving.I'mnotgoingtoputupwiththisshitfromyou,Noah.IcanfuckwhoIwant.I

canbewhoIwant.Youwantnothingtodowithme,remember?"She'sstompingoutofthekitchenwhen

Levistepsclosertome.

"Look,Icantellyoufuckingloveher.Ishouldn'thavetakenhertobed,butIwon'tapologizeforit.

Becauseit'smakingyouseeredrightnow.Maybenowyou'llfuckingquitworryingwhateveryonethinks

andgrabthatonethingyou'remissinginlife."Kaliisfumblingwithherthingsasshewalksbackin.Her

clothesaretwistedasshetriestostraightenthem.Levistopsherandbrushestheloosepieceofhairoutof

herfaceandIhavetolookawayforabriefsecondbeforeIfindmyselfwatchingagain.

"Ihadagreattimelastnight.Letmeknowwhenyouwanttodoitagain."Hiswordsaredeep,with

thatsmoothwayhetalkstowomenhe'stryingtoreelinforafuck.Sheleansintohishugandkisseshis

lipswithaquickpeck.WhatinthefuckamIwatching?

IwatchthembothleaveoutthedoorandItorturemyselfevenfurtherbymovingtothewindowand

followingthemdownthedriveway.IfinallyseehergoingtothatpieceofshitJeepthat'sparkedinmy

spot.Ishould'vefuckinknownthatwashers.

Shegetsinandstartsuptheengine.Icanseehimleaninforanotherkiss,soIturntowalkaway.

WalkthefuckawaybeforeIkillthismotherfucker.Hehasnofuckingrighttoherlips.Toherbody.To

touchherwhereIwanttobetouching.IswearI'llguthimifheeventhinksthiswilleverhappenagain.

IhearthedoorslamjustasIenterthelivingroom.He'sinthekitchenrunningwaterbeforeImeet

himagain.

"Levi,getthefuckoutofmyhouse."

"Noah,coolyourshit.Ihavetofindaplacefirst."

"That'sjustit,you'vebeentoldsomanyfuckingtimesandyou'renotevenlooking."

"I'lllooktoday."

"You'refuckingrightyouwill.Iwantyououtbytonight."

"Ican'tfindaplaceinoneday.Ineedatleastaweek."

"Youhavethreefuckingdays."

"IcouldalwaysgostayatKali'sforafewdays."

Hiswordsmakemeirate.Ican'tstopmyselffromtheurgetodiveacrossthegapbetweenusand

grabhimbytheneck.Myfingersaresqueezinghisneckwhenhepunchesmeinthesideandnowit's

fuckingon.I'mfilledwithsomuchragethatIcan'tseeclearly.It'sasifit'sallablurandI'mjustactingon

chaosandinsanity.Webothkeeplandinghitsthataremeanttohurtbadly.

Ifinallygetsomeleverageandgethiminachokehold.Myarmshavehimlockedsofuckingtight

andhisfingersscrapemyforearmwhenhetriestogetmetorelease.Isqueezetighter.Whatthefuckhas

happenedtomeinthelasttwelvehours?

HeelbowsmeintheribsandIfinallyletgo.

"Whatthefuck?"He'sgaspingandtryingtocatchhisbreathandIwatchhimwithbarelyany

regard.

"I'mfuckingdone,Levi.Iwarnedyou.Don'tyouevertouchheragain."

"Awbutsee,Noah.Youhavenoclaimonher."He'sbentholdinghiskneesashelooksupatme,

speakingthroughbigbreaths."That'sonyou."

"ThefuckIdon't.Levi,Isweartoyou...Iwillcutyoufromyourasstoyourthroatifyousomuch

astouchher."Islamhimintothewall,forcinghimtostandandfaceme.Welookeyetoeyeforafew

secondsbeforehegivesmeaslightnodofacceptance.

Ipushoffofhimandbegintowalktomyroom.HiswordshitmeasIturnthecorner.

"Noah,whenareyougoingtofuckingdosomethingabouther?I'vewatchedyouliveunhappilyfor

years."Ikeepwalking.Hehasnoideawhathe'stalkingabout.

ChapterFour

Kali

Ishould'veknownnottogoovertherelastnight.Imisshim.Hewasmyperson.HewastheoneI

wenttowhenmylifegotcomplicatedandhealwaysknewwhattosay.It'sbeenyearssinceI'veseenhim

andIjustwantedtomakesurehewasallright.ImeanI'veheardhe'sverysuccessful,andbythelooksof

hishouse,he'sdoingwellforhimself,butIneededtoseeitformyself.MaybeIhadsomeslighthopehe

wouldbehappytoseeme.Hell,maybeevenmissingmetoo.

Therevengesexwasprobablyuncalledfor,butIdidn'twanttogohomealoneaftertheshitIsaw

himdolastnight.Heobviouslyhasnorespectformeanddoesn'twantmeinhislife.Levijusthappened

tobesayinggoodbyetothelastguestfromthepartylastnightwhenIwalkedoutofNoah'sroom.His

armsfeltnice.HemademefeellikeIwasthesexiestwomanaliveandhonestlyforamoment,Ibelieved

him.Herockedmyworldwiththosepositionchangesallnightlong.IfeellikeI'vebeenfucked

thoroughly.It'sbeenawhilesincethat'shappenedanditwaslongoverdue,yetIfeellikeshitfordoingit.

What'sNoah'sdeal?HewassodisgustedbymebeingtherethismorningthathegotpissedatLevi

foreventouchingme.

Stoppingataredlight,Icatchaglimpseofmyselfintherearview.Nothinglikethedriveofshame

inanopenJeep.Iglanceoverandseetheguyinthecarnexttomelookingmeupanddown.Idon'tgeta

verygoodlookathimbecausehestartstorolldownhiswindowandtriestotalktome.

"Hey."Itrytoignorehim,butheknowsIcanhearhimwithoutthetopon.

"Hey,I'mtalkingtoyou."Iturnuptheradioinhopesofdrowningouthisvoicejustasthelight

turnsgreen.Webothmoveforwardandhestartstopaceme.Ispeedupinhopesoflosinghim,buthe

doesthesame.Thenextlightisredtoo,sowehavetostopagain.He'sadeterminedasshole.

"Bitch,I'mtalkingtoyou."He'sgettinglouder.Thesongendsjustashebeginstoyellagain.

"LookatmeorI'mgonnateachyouhowtolookatmewhenIfuckyouagain."

Islideonmysunglassesandtrytohidethefactthatmyheartisracingoutofcontrolandmyskinis

crawlingindarkmemories.Iknowthatvoicenow.

ThelightturnsgreenandIslamonthegaspedal.Knowinghe'llfollowmyactions,Ihitthebrakes

quickly,makingaquickleftturnwithoutslowingdownverymuch.MyJeepbeginstofeelalittlelighton

theleftsideasImaketheturnandIimmediatelyregretmakingthisdecision.

Timebeginstostandstillasmyworldstartstotumble.I'mtryingtoholdthewheelastheJeep

beginstoslide.I’mjerkedalltohellwhenIhitsomethingandtheJeeptopplesoverandoveruntilit

finallycomestoastoponthedriver’sside.

Reachingformyphoneinthebackpocketofmyjeans,IpraytoGodthathedoesn'ttrytogetme.I

unlatchmyseatbeltandfallintothedoor,tremblingasItrytothinkaboutwhereIam.Ican'tfeelanypain

throughmyheartracingasIhitredialonthelastnumbercalled.

Levi.

"Youmissmealready?"

"Levi,Ineedyou.Pleasehurry."

"Whereareyou?"

"CornerofFirstandOakTree."

"Areyouhurt?"

"Idon'tthinkso.He'safterme.IwreckedmyJeep."

"Onmyway.Stayonthephonewithme,Kali."

"Pleasehurry."

"Whoisafteryou,Kali?"

"Just....Levi.Pleasefuckinghurry.Ican'ttalkaboutitrightnow."

"Kali,fuckingtellmewhatIneedtoknowbeforeIgetthere."

"Ihearacar.Ican'ttalkrightnow."

"Damnit.I'mhurrying.Didyoucall911?"

"No."

"Fuck,Kali.Areyousureyou'renothurt?"He'syelling.Iknowit'sbecausehe’sscaredforme,but

Ican'ttakeit.MyadrenalineisinoverdriveandI'mterrifiedashellouthere.

"I'mfine."

"Isanyoneinthere?"IhearawomanfromoutsidetheJeep.

"Yes,I'minhere."Shecomesarounduntilshecanseeme.

"I'mcalling911,they'llbehereverysoon."

"Thankyou."Levistartstotalktomeagain.

"Whowasthat?"

"Awomanishere."

"911,weneedhelp.AladyhasflippedherJeepandIseefluidrunningallovertheground.Please

hurry."Icanhearhervoicegettingquieterasshetalkstothedispatcher."Shit,Levi.There'sfluidleaking

fromtheJeep."

"I'malmostthere.Canyougetout?"

"TheJeepisonitsside.Icantry."

"Areyousureyoushouldmove?"

"IthinkI'mok."Iputhimonspeakerandstarttopullmyselfupfromaroundthesteeringwheel.I'm

feelingsoreacrossmychestfromtheseatbeltandthisissuretobeonehellofabruise.

IcanhearthesquealoftiresjustasIfreemylegs."Shit,pleasetellmethat'syou."

"I'mhere."HisfootstepsarepoundingontheroadjustasIhearhimsayit.

There'sliquideverywhere.IcansmellgasasIfinallystarttogetagriponmysurroundings.I'm

justabouttoliftmyselfoutofthepassengerdoorwhenLeviscoopsmeupinhisarmsandrunsfromthe

Jeep.HisstrongbodyisaninstantfeelingofsafetyandItrynottobethetypicaldamselindistress

wrappingmyarmsaroundhisneck,butshit,I'mtryingtosupportmyselfalittle.

He'sstillrunningwhenIfeeltheblast.TheheatfromtheflamesurroundsusasIwatchtheinferno

reachoutandsendustotheground.He'ssomehowcoveredmewithhisentirebodyandwe'refaceto

faceinwhathastobearockgardenwithgrassgrowingthroughit.Hiseyessearchformineandhedrops

hisforeheadtorestagainstminejustashelocatesthem.Hisbodycollapsesontomewhenhesetshis

elbowsnexttomyfaceandhisarmsaroundmyhead.Hisfingersgettangledinmyfucked-uphairandI

screamoutinpain.

"Oh,shit.Sorry.Fuck,thatwasclose."Hisbreathacrossmyfacesmellsofbacon.Thisisn'tquite

asromanticasthemovies,butrightnowinthismoment,thatbaconbreathjustsavedmylife.

"Damn,Levi.You'reheavy."

"Shit,sorry.IguessIcollapsedonya."Herollsoffofmeandstartstolookmeover.

"Thankyouforsavingme."ItrytositandIwincefromthepainIfeeleverywhere.

"You'regoingtothehospitaltobecheckedout."

"Ouch.Shit,whatamIon?"

"Wellit'sashittypatchofgrassandstickers.I'mprettysurethere'srockstoo."

"Canthisdaygetanybetter?"

"Well,Iforonethoughtitstartedoffgreat."IignorehimasImovetostand.MyJeephasrolling

blacksmokefillingtheskyoverhead.Thesoundofmanysirensareinthedistance.Ilookforthewoman

andseeheracrosstheparkinglotwalking,soIknowshe'sok.

AsImove,Icanfeelthepiercingsofmanystickersacrossmybackandass.Thisisgoingto

fuckingsuck.

"Canyouhelppullsomeoftheseout?"

Hiseyeswidenwhenheseeswhathe'supagainst.

"Oh,babygirl.Thisisgoingtohurt."

"AfterthemorningI'vehad,thisshouldbeacakewalk."Hestartstopickouteachstickeroneby

onejustasIseethefiretrucksroundthecorner.

"ThisisnothowIpicturedthisdaygoing."I'mnotsurehowIhaditpictured,butthisisthefarthest

scenefromit.IwatchasthefiremenrushtotheJeepandputitoutinnotime.EverythingIworkedsohard

for,upinsmoke.MyJeepwasthefirstthingIactuallyhadfullypaidoffonmyown.Iprobablyshould've

keptthatfullcoverageinsurance.

Levi

Shehasstickerseverywhere.Ihaven'teventouchedthemessinherhairyet.

"Damnit.MyJeep!"

"I'msorrythishappenedKali,butatleastyou'renotseriouslyhurtfromwhatIcantell.Thatfuckin'

Jeepcanbereplaced."

"Yeah,Iknow.Canyoustaywithmeuntilthepolicegethere?"

"I'mnotleavingyou.Infact,I'llbetakingyoutothehospitaltohaveyoucheckedout."

"Ok,justletmetalktotheofficer."

"Tellmewhoyouwererunningfromfirst."

"IpromiseIwillassoonasthisisallover.YoucantakemetomyhouseafterthehospitalandI'll

tellyoueverything.Justletmegetthissettled."Iwatchherlimpherwayovertothepolicecarwhenit

arrives.Ifiguredshe'dleavemyhousewalkingfunnytoday,butthisdefinitelywasn'tinmygameplan.

Ihearmyphonestarttoringinthegrassaboutfivefeetfromwherewejustlanded.Hell,Ihadn't

evennoticeditwasn'tinmyhandyet.Kalidoesthattome.Shealwayshas.Ifitweren'tforNoah,Ithink

KaliandIwould'vetriedtomakesomethinghappenyearsago.He'ssuchanasswhenitcomestoher,

though.She's'offlimits',yethedoesn'tdoanythingabouther.Well,I'mtiredoffuckingwaitingonNoahto

givemepermissiontodowhatI'vewantedtoforyears.

Theconstantringinginterruptsmythoughtsaboutthepast.It'smysister.

"What'sup?"

"Tellmeyou'relookingforaplacerightnowaswespeak."

"Notexactly."

"Levi!Noahispissedoff.Youhavetostartpullingyourshittogether."

"Igotthis.Youdon'thavetoworry,Mandy."

"Levi,youknowyoucanmovehere."

"Nah.I'llfigureitallout."

"Allright.Pleaseworkonthatpartyingproblemyouhave.It'snotgoodforyoutostillbewhoring

around."

"WhosaysI'msleepingaround?"

"Please,I'myourtwin.Iknowyoubetterthanyouknowyourself."

"WhatifItoldyouIfoundsomeonethatmaybeworthtryingtosettledownfor?"

"I'dcallbullshit."

"Yeah,Iknow.Thatwouldbecrazy."

"DoIknowher?"

"Nah.Iwasjustjoking."OramI?I'mseriouslythinkingaboutmentioningKali,butMandywould

havemyass.SheandIbothknowhowNoahfeelsabouther.I'vedefinitelydoneabetterjobofkeeping

myfeelingshiddenthanhehas.

"Ok.Pleasetrytofindaplace."

"IwillwhenIfinishwhatI'mworkingon."

"Allright.Iloveyou,Levi.WhenwillIgettoseeyou?"

"MaybeI'lltakearoadtripsoon,youneverknow."

"Ican'twait!"IseetheofficerquestioningKali,soIrushoffthephone.

"Talktoyalater,Mansy."Iknowshehatesthatnickname,butitwouldn'tbeaconversationwithher

brotherwithoutit.

"Bye,Levi."

"Bye."IstartwalkingtowardsKali.She'slookingatherJeepastheofficertalkstoher.

"I'mgoingtodosomepaperworkandI'llbebackinafewminutes."HestepsawayfromherasI

walkup.

"Whatdidhesay?"

"Nothing,justaskedmeafewquestions."

"Didyoutellhimaboutwhoeverwaschasingyou?"

"No,itwouldn'tdoanygood."

"Whyisthat?"

"Levi,ItoldyouI'lltellyoulater.Pleasejustleaveitalone."Issheinsane?

"Kali.Fuckthis.DoyouseeyourJeepgoingupinsmoke?Youneedtogetthisguyonrecord."

"Yeah,wellthatdidn'tworksowellformelasttime,soI'lltakemychances."Iputmyhandonher

armtryingtocomfortherbeforeIstartinonmyreasoning,butshepullsawayharshly.

"I'mserious.Not.Now."Ican’timaginewhathasheractinglikethis.IcanonlyimaginethatI’m

goingtofuckinghatewhatshetellsmeandI’mgoingtowanttohurtsomeoneiftheyfuckedwithher.The

desperationinhervoicewhenshecalledmehasmesoworried.

“Ok.I’llleaveitfornow,butlikeIsaidearlier,wewillhavethisconversationtoday.”

“Fine.”Shestopstalkingjustasafewfiremenwalkover.Thefirehasbeenoutforawhile,butthe

smokeisstillrollingfromherJeep.

“Ma’am,wehaveanambulanceheadedthiswaytotakealookatyou,butI’dliketolookatyou

myselfbeforetheygethere.”

“I’mfine.”

“ItappearsthatyourolledyourJeep.Weneedtomakesureyouweren’thitanywherethatmay

havecausedinternalissues.”

“Ok.”Shelookslikeabsoluteshit,butthisdayhastakenabigdumponher.I’mjustnotusedto

seeinghersorough.

Iwatchthemlookintohereyesandquestionherfurther.Theambulancefinallygetshere,butshe

turnsitaway.She’sstillstubbornashell,justlikeIremember.

“EverythingappearsnormalfromwhatIcantell,butyoushouldgotothehospitaltobethoroughly

examined.”Shegetstherecommendationfromthemedic,butisshakingherheadnobeforehefinisheshis

sentence.

“I’mfine.Thankyouforcheckingmeover.”Shestartstowalktowardmeassoonastheyhandher

backherjacket.

“Pleasetakemehome.Ineedoutofhere.”Shetalkstomeasshewalkspast,headedstraightfor

mytruck.HerhairisafuckingnestofshitandstickersandonanynormaldayI’dgiveherhellaboutit,

butnottoday.Shelookslikeshe’sabouttobreakandI’dhatetobethelaststrawthatdoesit.

“I’lltakeyouhome,butI’mnotleavinguntilyoutalk.”IstarttheengineasIwatchherresther

foreheadonherhandassheleansagainstthepassengerdoor.Whathappenedtothatconfidentwomanthat

Ifuckedlastnight?Theonesoboldsherippedmyclothesfrommybodythesecondwemadeittomy

room.

Thedriveisquietandshedoesn’tevenlookoveratmeuntilIkillthetruckinfrontofherhouse.

“Helivesnextdoor.Imadethemistakeofgoingonadatewithhimonetimeandthenendedit.Hedidn’t

takewelltomyrejectionandeventuallyIcaughthimwatchingmethroughmywindowsonenight.Hehas

threatenedtomakemefuckhimagain,butsofarhehasn’tdoneanythingextremelyaggressive.”

“Whatthefuck,Kali?Tellmeyouhaveasecuritysysteminyourhouse.”Ihavetointerrupther

becausemyinsidesareabouttoexplodewithanger.

“YesIdo,butyouandIbothknowhecangettomewhenI’mnotinthehouse.Plus,thosethings

willonlyletauthoritiesknowhe’salreadyinmyhouse.”

“I’mgivingyouafuckinggun.”

“Ialreadyhaveone.Icarryitonmeatalltimes.”Isitbackagainstmyseat,notfeelinganybetter

aboutallofthis.ThisguysoundslikealunaticandIdon’tlikethethoughtofherhavingtodealwithhim

onadailybasis.

“Youneedtomove.”

“Iplantowhenmyleaseisup.Thelandlordwon’tletmeoutofmyleaseuntilitendsinthree

months.Untilthen,IhavetostaybecauseIcan’taffordanythingelse.”Mymindbeginstothinkcrazy

thoughts,soIchangethesubject.NoahwouldkillmeifImovedinwithher,especiallyafterlastnight.

“Whathappenedtodaythatcausedyourwreck?”Itwassomethingthatoccurredquicklyaftershe

leftmyplace,soI’mworriedhewasstalkingher.

“HestartedharassingmeatalightandIturnedsoI’dlosehim.”Sheslumpsinherseatwhenshe

startstalkingaboutitall.Mymindstartsthinkingaboutallthepossibilitiesofthingshe’seitherdoneto

herorplanstodo.

“Whatdidhesaytoyou,Kali?”

“HejustthreatenedmeandIshouldn’thavelethimgettomebecauseIfuckedupmyJeepandnow

Idon’tevenhaveawaytowork.”

“I’llgetyoutowork.ButfirstI’mgoingtomakesurethisfuckerneverbothersyouagain.Which

housedoeshelivein?”Ilookaroundforanyclue.Noneofthehouseslooklikeobviouspsycho

residences,notthatIexpectedittobespelledoutacrossthefuckingrooftop.

“Don’tdoanythingtomakethisworse.I’llbefine,Levi.Thanksforyourhelptoday.”Sheopens

thetruckdoorandslidesdowntoherfeet.Iracetomeetheratthefrontofmytruckandwithouthesitation

Iputherovermyshoulder.

“There’snofuckingwayI’mleavingyouherewhensomegoddamnsickoistryingtogettoyou.Get

yourfuckingassbackinmytruck.I’mtakingyoutomyplace.”

“Levi.Putmedown!”She’sscreamingatmebeforeIfinishandusingherfisttodriveherpoint

homeasshepunchesmeintheass.“I’mfuckingsore,youassanddon’tyoueverthinkyoucantellme

whattodo.”IsetherdownandwaitforhertostoptalkingbeforeIstart.

“You’renotstayinghereunderanycircumstances.Andifyoutryto,I’llbemovinginwithyourass.

Endofdiscussion.”

ChapterFive

Levi

It’stakingeverythingIhaveinmenottogoovertothatmotherfucker’shouseandbeathisassasI

witnesshowthisisalltormentingher.ShelooksdefeatedandnotatalltheKaliIusedtoknow.I’mstill

processingallofitasacarpullsintothedrivewayoftheneighbor’shouse.

Adarkhaired,averagelookingguygetsoutofthecarandIwatchhiseverymove.Hiseyes

instantlyscanheryardandhestrainstoseeinsidemytruck,nodoubtbeinganosyasshole.Ihearher

lowerintheseatandknowwithoutaskingthathe’stheonethat’sbeenfuckingwithher.

“Sohejustneedsareminderofhowtotreatpeople.Icanhandlethis.”Iopenmytruckdoorand

walkwithapurposetomeethiminhisyard.HetakesafewstepsbackbeforeIfullyapproachhim.My

guessishesawthekillerrageinmyfacethattoldhimhewasabouttogetfuckedup.

Withoutsayingaword,Ipunchhiminhisface,takinghimtothegroundasIsqueezehisneck,

holdinghiminplace.Iconnecteverytimemyarmcomesforwardanditisn’tuntilIhearKaliscreaming

atmethatIstop.I’mbreathingheavilyandIdon’treleasemygripbecauseIhaven’tsaidtheonethingI

needtosay.

“SomuchaslookatherandI’llfuckingkillyou.”HegaspsforairundermyholdandIfinally

releasemygraspandallowhimtobreathe.“You’reonlybreathingbecauseI’mgivingyoupermission

to.Rememberthat.”Andwithashove,IstandtofaceKali,frustrationstillflowingthroughmybody.

Hebeginstohuffoutandspitbloodwhilehecrawlsbackwardtryingtogetawayfromme,but

whathedoesn’tunderstandisthatcrawlingawayfrommewon’tsavehim.I’llruinhimfortouchingher

andIwon’tthinktwiceaboutit.

“Whydidyoudothat?”She’slookingaroundmetowatchhispatheticattempttostandwhileshe

questionsme.

“BecauseIwanthimtoknowwhohe’sfuckingwith.”LookingdownatmybloodyfistsbeforeI

starttowalktowardherhousemakesmehatehimevenmore.ShefollowsmetoherfrontdoorandIdon’t

evenhavetoasktocomeinbeforeshe’sguidingmeinsideandrunningthewaterovermyhandsinher

kitchensink.

Myeyesbrushoverherfacejustasshelooksupatme.Hersofthandsslideovermineafewmore

timeswhilewe’relockedintoeachother’sstarebeforeIpurposelylookaway.“Welookliketwothugs

who’vehadshittyfuckindays.”It’seasiertochangethesubjectandworkwithherlaughterthanitisto

dealwiththewayshewasjustlookingatme.It’sthewayI’vewantedhertolookatmeforyears,yet

she’sneverhadeyesforanyonewhenNoahwasaround.

Sheturnsoffthewaterandbeginsinspectingmyhands.“Lookslikemostofthebloodwashis.

Youhavethisoneknucklethat’sbustedopen.Letmewrapitforyou.”Sheleavestheroomandcomes

backwithsometapeandbeforeIhavetimetothinkaboutanythingelse,she’swrappedmyhandtostop

thebleeding.

ShelooksupatmewhenIusemyotherhandtobrushthehairoffmyface.Oureyeslockagainand

thistimeIdon’tlookaway.Ismirkjustslightlyandwaitforhertoreact.It’stimeIstopdenyingwhat

I’vealwaysfeltforherandletthishappenifshe’sreadytotestthewatertowhatwepotentiallyhaveif

wejustgiveusachance.

“Yeah,IthinkI’mgoingtojumpintheshowerandgetsomeofthisgrassoutofmyhair.”Shetakes

astepback,neverlettinghereyesfallfrommine.Itakeasinglestepforwardandreplywiththeonly

responseI’veeverknownwhengiventhiskindofbait.

“MaybeIshouldhelpyou.”Shepausesandwithoutanyotherresponse,sheturnsandleadsthe

way.

Kali

TheheavinesshemakesmefeelwhenhelooksatmelikehedoesissomethingI’mnotusedto.

I’venevernoticedhowpiercinghisblueeyescanbe,butmaybethat’sbecauseI’veneverreallytakenthe

timetonotice.Leviis…well,he’sLevi.He’samessandhasneverbeensomeonethatI’deverconsider

foolingaroundwith.IguessIalwayshopedNoahandIwouldeventuallystopresistingwhatfatehasin

mindforus,butit’sobviousafterlastnightandthismorningthathe’snotinterestedinanythingthathasto

dowithme.

IloveNoah.ButlovingNoahmeansI’vealwayshadarespectandatoleranceforLevi.Theway

hehastreatedmesincelastnightismorethanIcould’veeverimagined.Sexwithhimisphenomenaland

I’mhonestlynotgoingtokeepitfromhappeningagainifhewantstotakeitthere.I’mavailableinthat

department,it’sjustthatI’memotionallyattachedtotheideaofwhatIthoughtNoahandIcouldhave.No

matterhowhardItrytoshakeNoahoutofmymind,he’stherelingeringandhauntingme.

“Fuck,Kali.Whydidwewaitsolongtodothis?”Leviwhispersagainstmyearashepullsme

againsthimfrombehind.Icanfeelhiserectionbulgingagainstmyassandhedoesn’thesitatetoslidemy

shirtovermyheadandslidebothhandsovermybody.“Letmeseeyouinthelight.Jesus,yourskinis

soft.”Histouchsendsachillovermethatfeelsverynice.OnethatIhaven’tfeltinatleasttwoyears.I

swallowhardwhilehestripsmenakedandbeginstokissandtoucheveryinchhecanreach.

I’dnevertellhimthatlastnightwasmyfirstnighttogotobedwithsomeoneinthatlongbecause

he’dthinksomethingwaswrongwithme.Ican’thelpthatIchosetofocusonmyeducationinhopesthat

onedayI’dmeetNoahagainandbeabletoshowhimthatIamsomeoneworthyofhislove.Ishakemy

headatmyridiculouswayofthinkingandtrytogetbackinthemomentwithLevi.Thelastpersonthat

shouldbeonmymindwhileI’minLevi’sarmsisNoah.

Ilaymyheadbackonhisshoulderwhenheslideshishandsdownthefrontofmyshorts.Ittakes

notimeforhimtosendmeintoafuryofsensationthatmakesmelookdesperateandsexcrazed.He’s

drawnmetomytip-toesasIworkthrougheverycircleofhisfingersonmyclit.Itrytoopenmylegs

evenwidertogivehimbetteraccess,buthepullshisfingeroutandIwatchhiminthemirrorasheslipsit

betweenhislips.Thesteamfromtheshowerleavesaslighthaze,butIcanstillseeeverythinghedoes.

He’sstaringatmewithacarnallookinhiseyesasifhe’sabouttoconsumemeandmakemeforget

abouteverythingalloveragain.Slippingmyhandbehindmeandintohishairseemstomakehimmove

evenfastertogetmypantsoffofme.BeforeIhavetimetocomprehendwhat’shappening,he’sliftedme

ontothebathroomcounterandhe’sstandingcompletelynakedbetweenmylegs.Ilookdownathiscock

andlistentohismoanjustasIslidemyfingersoverit.HestandsproudwhileIslidemyhandoverhima

fewtimes,takingthemoisturealreadyseepingfromthetipdownhislength.

Apieceofgrassfallsonmychestanditcatcheshisattentionforaslightsecondbeforeheleans

overtopullacondomoutofhispantspocket.“I’mgoingtoneedtobuyacaseofthesefuckerswithyou

around.”Mearound?

Ipushhisstatementfrommymindwhenhethrustsforward,fillingmequickly.“Oh,fuck.This

positionisgoingtokillmylegs.”Heslamsforwardagainintothecabinetbeforeheliftsmeintohisarms

andbeginstofuckmeevenharderthanhedidlastnight.I’velostallthoughtandcomprehensionbythe

timehestepsintotheshower,takingmetothewallbeforehebeginstomoveinsidemeagain.

Thehotwatersendsapathdownmychestandovermostofhisbody.Heleansforwardandthe

shiftinpositionsendsmeintoaninstantorgasmthatIdon’teventrytoholdback.I’veneverbeennoisy

duringsex,butLevibringsitoutinme.

HefucksmecontinuouslyintoanotherfitofspasmsandIcatchhimwatchingmeasIcomedown

fromthelasthigh.He’snotlookingatmelikehe’senjoyingacasualfuck,he’swatchingmewith

somethinginhiseyethatfeelslikethisismorethanthattohim.Ishutmyeyesandcloseoffallowinghim

toseeinsidemelikehewastryingtoandjustletmyselffeelwhathe’sdoingtome.

“Let’swashthishairofyoursbeforeItakeyoutobed.”Hebrushesthehairfrommycheekbefore

hesetsmedownonmyowntwofeetandforthefirsttimeinmylife,amanwashesmyhair.He’scareful

withhisfingersinmytangledmessandwhenhe’sdonemakingmefeellikeI’mcompletelycherished,he

grabsmybodysoapandsqueezesitovermychest.

HistouchmakesmybodycomealivewithsensationsthatI’mnotreadytofeelwithhim,soItake

overandrushthroughtherestoftheshower.Hemustsensemyshiftbecausehesnapsoutofwhatever

softcraphewastryingtodoandgripsmyhairinhishandandpullsmetofacehimchesttochest.

“IfIwanttowashyoursexybody,youfuckingletme.”Hisbiteonmybottomlipremindsmehow

hewaslastnight.ThisismorelikewhatIimaginedLevitobelikeinbed.

ThisIcanhandle.Noemotions.Nofeelings.Justfucking.

Heliftsmetostraddlehiswaistagainandwalksusbothoutoftheshower.“I’mabouttofuckyou

senseless.”Inafewshortsteps,he’stossingmeontomybackonthebedandclimbingoverme.The

condomislonggoneandhestartstocussaboutnothavinganotheronenearbywhenheclimbsbackoutof

bedandgetsoneoutofhispants.

He’sbackinpositionquicklyandI’mthrowingmyheadbackasheentersmehardandfastonce

again.“Fuck,youfeelgreatonmycock.”Heslowsonlylongenoughtorolloverandpullmeontopof

him.HepullsmeforwardasIstraddlehimandhefucksmefastwhileheholdsmeinhisarms.It’sall

happeningsofast,I’mmoaningagainbeforehehasachancetofinallygethisownrelease.

Justashisbodybeginstotwitchandourbreathingiscompletelychaotic,there’ssomeonebeating

onthefrontdoor.“Openup,it’sthepolice.”

Webothfreezeinplace,lookingateachotherinshockeventhoughIshouldn’tbesurprised.That

assholeneighborofminemust’vegonetothepolice.

“Shit,Levi.Whatarewegoingtodo?”Heguidesmeoffofhimandrushesforhispants.

“We’regoingtotellthemthetruth.”Iwatchhimslidehispantsoverhisassandtakeadeep

breath,dreadingwhat’sabouttohappen.

Heseesmestrugglingandleansoverthebeduntilhe’sfacetofacewithmeagain.“Ifsomething

happensandtheytakeme,Iwantyoutopromisethatyou’llgotoNoah.Tellhimeverythingandhe’ll

makesureyou’resafe.”

“Ican’tdothat.I’llbefine.”Thebanginggetslouderandthey’regettingmoreimpatientthelonger

we’retaking.

“Fuckno.IneedyoutodoagreetowhatI’msayingbeforeIopenthatfuckingdoor.”Hepullsmy

chinuntilIcan’thidefromtheglareinhiseyes.

Ihavenochoicebuttoagreewhentheybegintobeatdownthedoor.Hemovesquicklythroughthe

houseandopensthefrontdoorwhileIrusharoundtogetmyclotheson.BeforeIcangetoutofmyroom,

theyhavehiminhandcuffsonhiskneeswhilethey’rebeingroughwithhim.He’stryingtoanswertheir

questions,buttheyaren’tgivinghimthechance.

“ItoldyouifyougavemeanotherreasontobringyouinthatI’dmakesureyougetwhatyou’vehad

coming.”Thebaldofficerspewshiswordswithhatredinhisvoice.BeforeIcangettohim,another

officerholdsmeback.

“Youdon’twanttointerferewithus,younglady.Haveaseathereandwe’lltalktoyouinafew

minutes.”HeguidesmetowardthecouchandpushesmedownuntilI’msitting.Leviwatchesandcomes

evenmoreunglued.

Howdidthisdayturnintosuchadisaster?

ChapterSix

Noah

NomatterhowhardItry,Ican’tgetherscreamsoutofmyhead.Ican’thelpbutwishitcould’ve

beenmydickthatwasmakinghercomeundoneallnightlong.Shelookedsoperfectlyfuckedthis

morningandeventhoughIshouldn’tcareifshe’swithLevi,Ifuckingdo.

Idon’twanttoseeanyonetouchingherandIsureashelldon’twanttohearit.I’mstillcleaning

myhouse,withnosignofLevifortheentireday.I’mgoingtobeathisasswhenhefinallyshowshisface

aroundhere.ItwashispartyandsomehowIendupdoingalltheclean-up.

MyphoneringsandIdon’trecognizethenumber,butIansweritanyway.“Noah.I’minjail.

Listentome.IneedyoutofindKaliandtakehertothehouseuntilIgetout.She’sintrouble.”Beforehe

hasachancetosayanotherword,I’malreadyoutthedoor.I’msittinginmytruckbeforeIrealizethatI

havenoideawhereshelives.

“Whereisshe?”

“CornerofOakandChestnut.Herneighborisafuckin’assandyouhavetogetheroutofthere.”

Thecallisdisconnectedwithoutanyfurtherinformation.Irushlikeaninsaneidiottogettoherhouse,

onlytogetnoanswerwhenIknockonthedoor.

Whatinthefuck?“Kali,whereinthefuckareyou?”

Iglancearoundtryingtoguesswhichhousetheassholeneighborlivesin,buttherearehonestly

twooptionsasIscanthearea.Thisisn’tthebestneighborhoodandIfindmyselffrustratedthatshe’dlive

somewhereasunsafeasthis.

Bangingonthedooronelasttime,Istandandwaitforhertoanswer.Shefinallypullsthewooden

dooropenandIdon’tsayawordwhenshelooksatmelikeshe’shadtheworstdayinherlife.Iopenthe

screendoorandstepinsidewithoutwaitingonhertoinvitemein.HerfaceiscoveredintearsandItry

nottonoticethatshe’sonlydressedinat-shirtandtinyshorts.

“Whyareyouhere,Noah?”Herwordsarebarelyawhisper,yetfullofsadnessandexhaustion.

“Levicalledme.Hesaysyou’renotsafehere…”

“I’llbefine.I’mnotyourconcern.”SheinterruptsmebeforeIevenhavethechancetoinviteher

tostayatmyhouseuntilwegettothebottomofwhat’sgoingon.

“I’llfuckingdecidewhenyou’remyconcern.”Sheslamsthewoodendoorclosedbeforeshelocks

thedeadboltsandwalksoutoftheroom.IdowhatI’vealwaysdonewhenshe’sbeenthiswayinthe

past.Ifollowher.Pushingthedooropen,Icatchherliftinghershirtoverherhead.Hertitsarelooking

evenbetterthanIimaginedandnomatterhowmuchIwanttoturnaround,Ican’t.Shehasmelockedand

frozeninplacejustwatchingher,eventhoughshehasnoideaI’minhere.

“Damnit,Noah.Youcan’tjustwalkinherelikethat.”

“Right.Wealwayslettheotheroneknowwhenwe’veenteredabedroom.ShouldIremindyou

aboutlastnight?”Iwalkclosertoher,knowingI’llneverbeabletotouchher,butwantingtosofucking

badthatIcanalmosttasteher.

Shepullsatanktopoverhertits,withoutputtingonabraandthatbeginstofuckwithmymindeven

morethanseeinghernakeddid.Hernipplesarehard,pokingthroughthepinkmaterialandteasingme

beyondbelief.“WehavetogogetLevi.”

“Whatisheinjailfor?Maybeheneedsanightintheslammerjusttolearnalesson.”

“Hewasprotectingme.Ihavetogethimout.”Sheslidesherarmsthroughajacketandpullsa

pairofjeansoverhershorts,nodoubtoptingtospareherselffrommewatchinghernakedasswhileshe

movesaroundtheroom.Apartofmeisrelievedaboutthat,andtheotherpartwantstograbherbythe

hairandtellherexactlywhatsheshouldbedoingwithmeinherbedroom.

She’sofflimits.Rememberthat,youasshole.

“I’llgethimout.Youdon’tneedtobeatthepolicestation.Shelooksoveratme,almostfrantic

whileIwaitforhertofightmeonthis.

“Ishouldgowithyou.”Shebeginstorusharoundtheroomgatheringabagandbrushingherlong,

damphair.

“Sureasfuckdidn’tseethetwoofyouhittingitoffquiteashardasyouhave.Sincewhendidyou

startlikingLevi?”Shestopsmidstrokethroughherhairbeforeshepointsitatmewithaglareinhereye.

“Youdonotgettodothis.Icametothatpartylookingforyou.You.Pushedmeaway.”There’sa

quiverinhervoicebeforesheturnsawaytobusyherselfagain.

“IknowwhatIsaid.IstillfeelthesamewayasIdidlastnight.”Shedoesn’tgettoknowwhat

thattrulymeans.I’llletherbelievewhatIworkedhardtomakeherseelastnight.Nomatterhow

temptedIamtowalkovertoherrightnowandpullhercurvybodyagainstme,Ihavetokeepadistance.

“Let’sgethimoutandthenI’llleaveyoualoneandneverbotheryouagain.Ijustdon’thaveacar

rightnow.”SherefusestolookatmeandIdon’tforceherto.

“WhathappenedtoyourJeep?”

“Itbrokedown.Let’sgo.Idon’twanthimthereanylongerthanhehastobe.”Shewalksoutof

theroomandopensthefrontdoor.Iwatchherlockthreedifferentdeadboltsandthatonlyaddstomylist

ofquestionsthatI’llhavetoaskbeforethenightisover.“Iseeyoustillloveyoursportscars.”She

makesaquickcommentbeforesheopensthepassengerdoorandslidesin.Idon’trespondbecauseshe’s

right.It’smyoneviceinlife.Shedoesn’tneedtoknowjusthowmanyIhavestashedinmystorage

garagedowntown.

Therevoftheenginebreakstheawkwardsilenceinthecaranditisn’tuntilIlookoveratherthatI

seeherattentionfocusedonthehousenextdoor.Ittakesmeasecondtoseetheweaselsittingonhis

porchjustwatchingus.“IsthatthefuckerthatLeviwastalkingabout?”

“Pleasedon’tdoanything.Let’sjustgogethimoutandtrytoforgetthisdayeverhappened.”I

choosetolistentoheronlybecauseIdon’twanttoeventhinkaboutgoingtojailatthesametimeasLevi

andherbeingleftoutherewithsomefucker,especiallywhenIdon’tevenknowthefullextentofwhathas

happened.

IdoassherequestsandIdriveusbothtothepolicestation.Whenwearrive,sheseemsnervous

andnomatterhowstrongmyinstinctsaretoprotecther,Isimplyopenhercardoorandwaitforherto

standnexttome.

I’veaskedabailbondsmantomeetmehereandit’sreassuringtoseehimalreadyworkingwiththe

officerswhenwewalkin.“He’llneedtobepresentforhiscourtdateintwoweeks.”It’squicklyobvious

thatLeviwon’tsimplybegettingaslaponthehandoverwhathashappenedandI’llhavetofindoutwhat

inthehellwentontonight.OnelookatKaliandIcanseeregretwrittenalloverherfaceasshetakesin

what’sbeingsaid.

ShestopsatearfromfallingdownhercheekandIfeelatwingeinsidemychestthatremindsmeof

thewayIfeltwhenItriedtoprotectherallthoseyearsago.IknowIshouldn’twanttokillsomeonefor

herhurtinglikesheseemstobe,butapparently,it’sinmynatureandsomethingI’mnevergoingto

stopdoing.

Kali

Thisdayisnevergoingtoend.Beinginsidethisplaceagainjustremindsmeofthehellthat

assholehasgottenawaywithallthesetimes.Itmakesmecrazytothinkhe’sturningthisallaroundnow

andplayingthevictimwhenI’vetriedtogethimtakeninforbeingthecreepheisandhealwaysseemsto

slipthroughthesystem,nomatterhowmanytimesIturnhimin.

I’mtothepointnowthatIhavenofaiththatjusticewilleverbeservedunlesssomething

accidentallyhappenstohimwhenhetriestocomeintomyhouseagain.Ifthat’swhatittakestomakethis

end,thenthat’swhatI’lldo.

IhatethatLeviandNoaharenowinvolved.ThelastthingIwantedwasforNoahtofindoutand

starttryingtohelpwhenhe’smadeitveryclearhowhefeelsaboutme.Ican’thandlehimdippinginand

outofmylifeandifhethinksI’mindanger,that’sexactlywhathe’lltrytodo.

“Pleasewaitinthelobbyandwe’llprocesshisrelease.”Theyoungofficerseemshelpfulnowthat

therearetwomenherewithme.It’samazinghowdifferentthingsarewhenyoucomewithfriends.

NoahpullsthebondsmantothesideandtheybothtalkquietlysoIcan’thear.Isitandtakein

everythingthat’shappenedtodayandwishlikehellIcouldgobacktoyesterdayandnevergotothat

party.Itappearstobetheturningpointthatmadeeverythinginmylifecompletechaos.

“Allright,getmethefuckoutofhere.”IstandthesecondIhearLevi’svoice.Helooksatme

instantlyandthegrinonhisfacemaybemisplacedinthissituation,butholyshitIneededit.Hewalks

overandwrapsmeupinhisarms.HiswarmthisexactlywhatIneededandIdon’tevenlooktoseeif

thisispissingoffNoah.Hecangetoverhimself.Thisisn’tabouthim.

“Hey,babygirl.Ifuckinmissedyou.”Levi’svoicerumblesnexttomyearandIcanfinally

breatheknowinghe’sout.

“Thisisallmyfault.Ishouldn’thavecalledyou.”

“Stopthatshitrightnow.I’ddoitalloveragainthisverysecondifthatfuckerwasinthislobby.”

“Pleasejusttakemehome.”Iknowhewould,that’stheproblem.Idon’twanthimtohavetofight

mybattles.

“Notonyourfuckinglife.You’restayingwithmetonight.”Hetakesmebythehandandguidesme

outthedoor.“Here,let’stalkouthere.Thatplacemakesmefuckin’claustrophobic.”

“Ican’tstaywithyou.Noahwouldkillus.”

“He’llhavetogetthefuckoverit,becauseyou’renotstayinginthatdamnhousesothatassholecan

justwalkrightoverandgetyouanytimehewants.You’llneverstaytherealoneagainandI’llmake

fuckin’sureofitifit’sthelastthingIdo.”Hestartspacinginfrontofme,runninghishandsthroughhis

messyhairwhileIlistentoeverythinghesaysknowinghehasapoint,butthethoughtofdealingwith

Noahconstantlymakesmyinsidestwistintoaknot.

“MaybeIshouldjustgetahotelroom…”HeinterruptsmebeforeIhaveachancetocontinue.

“No.It’llbefine.Justletmehandleit.”Withoutgivingmeachancetoargue,hewalkstoward

Noahasheexitsthroughtheglassdoors.Idon’thavethehearttogonearthem;Ican’tstandthethought

oflisteningtoNoahdenyhimwhenheaskstoletmestayathishouse.Hemadeitveryclearlastnight

andthismorningthathedidnotwantmethere.Idon’texpecthimtochangehismindnow.

Ilookaroundandit’salreadygettingdark,buttheurgeformetofleeisoverwhelming.Ihate

waitingonyetanotherdisappointingdenialfromNoahandinsteadofdoingjustthat,Istartwalkingwhile

thetwoofthemtalk.Icantellit’snotgoingwellbythewaythey’rebothanimatedintheirresponses.

FuckNoah.

Idon’twanthishelp.Idon’tneedhishelp.AndthelastthingI’lleverdoislethimthinkI’ma

helplesscharitycasethatheneedstosave.

I’malmosttwoblocksawaybeforeIheartheroarofhiscarengine.JustlikeIexpected,they

drivebyslowly,lookingforme.Hidinginadoorwaywastheonlywayformetostayoutoftheirsight.I

canstillseethebackendofNoah’scarwhenmyphonerings.

“Wherethefuckareyou?”Levisoundsangry.

“I’llbefine.”

“That’snotwhatIaskedyou.Whereareyou?”Thecarcontinuesdowntheroad,soIstepoutof

thedoorwayonlytocomefacetofacewithNoah.

“Nicetry,Kali.Levi,backtrackaboutablock.We’llbewaiting.”Ihangupandwalkwitha

heavystepawayfromhim.Hedoesn’tgettohatemeandwanttosavemeatthesametime.

“Sincewhendoyoutrackpeopleonfoot?”

“SinceLevistolemycarandtoldmetofindyourass.”It’sobvioushe’sfrustratedbyhisrude

tone.

“Look.Idon’twanttoinconvenienceyouanyfurther.Justtakemehomeandyou’llneverseeme

again.”

“Soundslikeaperfectplan,butLevitellsmeIneedtohearsomeshitthatwillchangemymind.

So,I’mgivinghimthebenefitofthedoubtandtoldhimwecantakethisconversationtothehouse.You

canstaytonight.That’llgiveyouachancetofigureyourshitout.”HewalkspastmeandIcan’ttellifhe

wantstodismissmeorscreamatme.

WhenLevipullsup,Noahwalkswithadeterminedstridestraighttothedriver’sdoor.“Getthe

fuckoutofmycarandifyoudothatshitagain,I’llkillyourass.”Levistepsoutandgivesmeaglare

that’stellingmehe’snothappywithmylittlestunt.Iignorehimandtakethebackseat,feelingdefeat

fromthisterribledaywashalloverme.

Ijustwanttogotobedandforgeteverythingthat’shappenedtoday.

ChapterSeven

Levi

Damnherandthatcutelittleassofhers.Noahcatchesmewatchingherwalkbywhilewewaitfor

hertopackabagatherhouse.Iswearhepracticallygrowledatme,butIpretendtobeoblivioustohis

behavior.HehaspushedherawayhiswholelifeandIstoodbackbecauseIthoughthe’dcomearound

oneday.He’smadeitveryclearthathewon’t,soI’mnotgoingtodenywhatI’mfeelinganymore.

“Thiswillbeenoughfortonight.I’lljustcomebacktomorrowwhenIfigureoutwhereI’mgoing.”

Ilookather,confused.Whatdoesshemeanwhenshefiguresitout?She’llbestayingwithmeuntilshe

canaffordanotherplace.IfIhavetomoveinwithhertohelpher,thenIwill.I’mstillnotsurewhat

Noahwilldooncehehearseverything.Hecouldbeadickandthrowusouttonight,orhell,hemay

surprisemeandsayshecanstayifsheneedsto.

Somethingtellsmehe’lldecidesheneedstostayoncehehearseverything,though.

ThedrivetoourhouseisquietuntilNoahstartsaskingquestions.Itellhimallabouttheeventsof

thedayanditseemstoshockhimintosilence,whichissomethingunusualforhim.

“Youcan’tgobacktothathousealone.”ThisisthefirstandonlysentencehesaysinthecarafterI

startexplainingeverything.

Whenwepullintothedriveway,Kalidoesn’topenherdoorrightaway.Icanseehowstressed

sheisaboutthisdayanditseemsonlyrightthatIbreaktheiceinawaythatonlyIcan.

“Let’sgoforaswim.Lastoneinhastocleanthebathrooms.”Istripoffmyshirtanddropmy

pantsonthefrontlawn.IturnbacktolookatthembothandcatchNoahnoddingandlookingdownwhile

Kaliwatcheswithhermouthwideopen.

“Areyououtofyourmind?”shefinallylaughsaroundherwords.

“I’mafuckin’freeman…andIwanttoswim.Comeon.”Itakeherbythehandandleadhertothe

poolinthebackyard.Noahdoesn’tfollow,butIdidn’tthinkhewould.

“Levi,areyouinsane?Youcan’tjustwalkaroundnakedintheyard.”

“Idoitallthetime.It’llbefine.Justdropthecotton,Kali.Weneedtocutlooseandforgetthis

fuckin’day.”Icanseeherinnerstruggleasshetriestodecidewhethertosayfuckitandskinnydipwith

meorpretendshe’smoreconservativethanthis.

“Youknowyouneedtolaughandjustliveinthemomentafterthisday,sostartpullingthose

clothesoff,beforeIdoitforyou.”Sheshakesherheadindisbeliefandtriestowalktothehouse,butI

stopherbeforeshegetstoofar.Pullingherintomyarmsiseasy.Itfeelsrightandshedoesn’ttrytopull

awayasIholdher.

“Didyoutakeitintheasstoday?”Shestartslaughingbeforeshefinishesherquestion.

“Hellno.IwentintherepretendingIwasaninsaneperson.Theothersleftmethefuckalone.”I

starttolifthershirt,butshestepsawayfrommeanddoesitherself.“Wait,goslow.Givemealittle

striptease.”Sheslowsherpace,butwalkstowardthewaterassheremovesherclothes,onepieceata

time.Hertitsstandperfect,movingslightlyasshestepsintothepool.Iwatchherbodybecomeblurred

asshegetsdeeperintothewater.MydickishardbeforeIevengetwet,butthesecondIdo,I’mona

missiontogettoher.

Sheleansagainstthesideofthepoolandwaitsformetogettoher,hereyesneverleavingmineas

IwatchhershiftfrombeinguncertaintodecidingshewantsthisjustasmuchasIdo.

AssoonasI’mnearher,shewrapsherlegsaroundmywaistandherarmsaroundmyneck.Her

kissisveryaggressiveanditturnsmeonevenmore.Idon’thavetoworryaboutacondomwithher;we

alreadyestablishedthatlastnight.

Slidingintoherisn’teasy,especiallyinthewater.SherotatesherhipsuntilI’minsideherandIlet

hercontinuetoridemewhileIjustholdherinmyarmsandkissthehelloutofher.

Hermoansgetlouder,butneversoloudthatanyoneelsewillhear,eventhoughIwouldn’tcareif

theydid.Islipmyfingerbetweenusandrubherclituntilshe’swrithingthroughanorgasmandbringing

meclosetomyown.Istarttowatchherfaceasshegoesoverthetopandthatsendsmestraightintoa

fuckingfury.Orisitafuryoffucking?Eitherway,Ibeginfuckinghersohardandfastthatthewater

beginstosplasharoundusashertitsfloatbetweenus.Thewaterevenhitsourfacesafewtimes,butit

neverslowsusdown.

Iactuallyhatefuckinginwater,butshit,thistimeitwasperfect.

“Fuck,Kali.We’regoingtohavesomuchfuntogether.Ihaveafeelingyou’realittlefreak.”She

kissesmewhileItrytocatchmybreathandspeaktoheratthesametime.

“Ittakesafreaktorecognizeone.”ItrynottoreacttowhatI’mseeingbehindherassheresponds,

butshecatchesthechangeinmyface.SheturnsherheadquicklyandwebothstareatNoahashesitsina

loungechairdrinkingacocktail.

Whatinthefuck?Isheoutofhisdamnmind?

IlowerusbothintothewatertohideKalifromanyfurtherexposure.She’snothappythathe’s

sittingthere,whichshemakesobviousthesecondsheopenshermouth.“Jesus,Noah.Whatthehelldo

youthinkyou’redoing?”

“Justhavingacocktailandsittingbymypool.WhatelsewouldIbedoing,Kali?”Histoneis

condescendingandeventhoughIprobablyshouldn’thavejusthadsexinhispool,I’mnotgoingtoputup

withhismoodybullshittonight.Ifheblowsthisoutofproportion,we’lljustleaveandgetahotelroom.

“Canyouatleasttossmemyclothes?”Sheleansuponthesideofthepoolinanattempttogethim

tomakethissituationalittlelessawkward.Noaheruptsinlaughter.Notjustasmallchuckle,butfullon

hystericallaughterbeforehejustsuddenlystopsandresponds.

“No.Ifyouwantyourclothes,walkyourassouthereandgetthem.We’venowallseenyour

fuckingtits,sowhynotlettheneighborsgetaglimpseaswell.”

“Noah,you’rebeingadickandIknewIshouldn’thaveagreedtocomehere.”Sheliftsherselfout

ofthewaterfromthesideofthepoolandgracefullywalkstogetatowel.Shewrapsherselfinitbefore

shebendsdownandgathersallofherthingsthatareinatrailfromthepooltowhereNoahissitting.She

sayssomethingtohimjustbeforeshepassesandthenshewalksintothehouse.

Wellifthatisn’tacockblockingmoment,Idon’tknowwhatis.“Whatthefuckisyourdeal?”

“Deal?WhatmakesyouthinkIhaveadeal?”He’sevenmoreintenseandrudenowthatshe’sgone.

“Look,we’lljustgogetahotelroom.Ididn’trealizeyou’dbesuchadickifshestayedherewith

me.”Istepoutofthepoolandwalkthroughthepatioareacompletelynakedandsoakingwet,notgivinga

shitwhoseesmeorifitpissesNoahoffevenmore.“I’llpackmycrapandgetusbothoutofhere.Don’t

worry,youwon’tbebotheredbyusanymore.”

ChapterEight

Noah

Us?NofuckingwayamIlettingthereeverbeawayforhimtosay‘us’anditrefertohimandKali

asifthey’reinsomesortoffuckingrelationshiporsomething.Overmydeadbodywillsheendupwith

him.

“Itoldyouthatyoucouldstayhere.Ididn’tsayyoucouldjustfuckeachotheroutintheopenlike

fuckinganimals.Havesomedamndecency,youasshole.”Hestopsinhistracksatmyresponse.Iwait

andhopeforhimtotakeaswingatme,becauseIwantmorethananythingtobeattheshitoutofhimand

takeoutallofthisbuilt-upaggressiononhisass.He’sthecauseofitall,soitonlyseemsfairhe’sonthe

receivingendofit.

Instead,hedoesn’tsayawordashewalkspastme.FuckerprobablyknowsIwanthimtoinitiatea

fightandchoosestotormentmeevenfurtherbymakingmefesterinmyownagony.

“We’llmoveouttomorrow.”Thedoorslamsjustashestopstalking,causingmetoblinkatthe

sound.IliftmyglassandtakebackthelastofmywhiskeybeforeIfollowhiminside.

Thehouseisquietandtheonlysignofeitherofthemisthewetfootprintstrackedthroughthehouse

thatleadmedirectlytothefrontdoor.Iopenitandlistentothetwoofthemargueandregretmyasshole

behaviorinstantly.Istepontotheporchandstayoutofviewofthemboth.

“I’dratherstayatmyownhouseandwaitonthatfuckingrapistnextdoortotrytocomegetmethan

dealwiththeweightofNoah’sangertowardme.Idon’tgethimandIhonestlycan’tdealwiththistonight.

Levi,pleasejustletmego.I’llbefine.I’vebeengoodmywholelifewithoutyouguys,soI’msureIcan

figuresomethingoutwiththis.”

“You’reoutofyourdamnmindifyouthinkI’mgoingtoletyougobacktoyourhousewiththat

insanepersonlivingnextdoor.He’salreadytriedtogettoyouandwhathedidtonightwasjusthiswayof

gettingtoyouagain.”

“Levi.Hehatesmewithapassion.Ishouldn’tbehereathishouseandwedefinitelyshouldnot

havejustfuckedlikethatinhispool.Youmakemecrazywhenyou’rearoundandit’sjustnotfairforyou

toflauntmearoundlikeyoudo.NoahandIarecomplicatedandeventhoughhewillneverfeelthesame

wayIdo;Ilovethatman.Idon’twanttoseehimhatemelikethis.Ifhehastohateme,it’seasierforme

nottohavetofaceit.Ineedtogo.”Iwatchhertrytowalkawayassheslideshershirtoverherhead,then

shepullshertoweloffandthrowsitatLevi.“Putthisonandquitwalkingaroundwithyourdickhanging

out.”

Hereachesouttostopherfromleavingandtheystarttalkingsoquietly,Ican’thearthem.Iwatch

Levitakeherinhisarmsandpullherclosetohim.Shewrapsherarmsaroundhimandleansintohimas

ifhe’sactuallyconsolingher.Thatshouldbemeholdingherlikethat,butinsteadI’vemadethesefucking

rulesthatI’mbeginningtohatemyselffor.

Whentheybeginkissingagain,Igoinside.Ican’twatchthetwoofthemgoatitagain,becauseI

honestlydon’tthinkIcanhandlewhatitdoestome.IknowdeepdownIwantittobemethat’sfucking

her.Iwanttofeelhertitsagainstmychestandwatchherfaceasshecomesundone,butinstead,I’mthe

creepwhowasjustwatchinginthebackground.Iguessthat’sonethatIowedher.Ihopetonevercashin

ontheothershewascaughteavesdroppingon.

Igotomyroomandfliponthestereo.Floppingdownonthebed,InoticeIhaveafewmissed

calls.OneofthemisfromMandy,soIhitthatnotificationandwaittohearhervoice,knowingnoteven

herswillgetKali’soutofmyhead.

“Pleasetellmeeverythingisbetter.Didhefindaplacetoday?”

“No,hegottiedupwithsomeotherthings,butI’msureheplanstotakecareofitsoon.”Ichoose

nottotellheraboutthearrestorthefactthatKaliisstayinghere.It’salltoocomplicatedandshe’lljust

givemealectureaboutshitIalreadyknow.“Howiseverythingatyourplace?Isthiscalltotellme

you’recomingtoseeme?Icankickabitchoutofmybedifyouwanttokeepmewarm.”IfIteaseher,

shewon’tthinkanythingiswrongwithmebecausethat’showI’vealwaystalkedtoher.

“No,I’mnotgoingtokeepyouwarm.Nicetry,though.Howaboutyouchangethosesheets

betweenyourwhoresonceinawhile.”

“Iwillforyou.”Shehasnoideahowmuchdifferentmylifeisnow.Whenshewasaround,Iwas

goingthroughthepartyseasonofmylife.Iguessthelastfewtimeswe’vetalkeddon’thelpmycasein

that,notthatI’mtryingtomakeone.

“I’llletyouknow.Iwasjustcheckingtomakesureyoudidn’tkillmybrother.Hehasn’tanswered

mycallsortextsallday.”

“He’sbeenrealbusyhelpingafriendout.”MyinsidestwingeasIthinkaboutjusthowmuchhe

hasbeenhelping.

“Allright.TellhimtocallhissistertomorroworIwillmakethetriptokickbothofyourasses.”

ShehangsupbeforeIhavethechancetotakethebaitshejustfedme.SheknowsI’masuckerforthatshit.

Iliebackandforcemyselftodozeoff.Tomorrowcan’tcomesoonenoughasfarasI’mconcerned.

Myphonevibrates,wakingmeup.It’sjustanoldhookupwantingabootiecallandIcouldn’tbe

anymoreuninterested.Iglanceatthetimetofindit’sjustafterthreeo’clockinthemorning.Thestereo

hascoveredanyevidencethatanyoneelsewasinthehouse,soI’mnotsureifthey’rehereorifthey

endedupleaving.IguessI’llhavetobefinewitheitheroption.

ItossandturnafewtimesbeforeIgiveinandslideoffthebed.Openingthedoortomyroom,I

stepoutandlistenforanyproofthateitherofthemarestillhere.Levi’sdoorisclosed,soIcanonly

assumetheystayed.

Workingmywaydownstairstothekitchen,Ihearsomeonemovingaround.Itonlytakesoneglance

overtherailingtoseeKalimoppingthefloorinfrontofthedoor.

“Whyareyoumopping?”ShejumpsasIspeak,butquicklyreturnsherfocustocleaningthefloor.

“BecauseIwalkedthroughthehouseandleftfootprints.IfiguredIshouldgetthemoutbeforeI

leave.”ItakethelastfewstairsslowlyasIwatchherlongbrownhairswayasshemoves.Heryoga

pantsandblacktanktopteasemewhenshetakesthebucketandwalksbacktothekitchen,leavingme

standingwithonlymyfantasyoftouchingher.Ifollowher,intrigueforcingmetodowhatIwouldn’t

normallydo.

“Look,I’msorryifIwokeyou.IjustwantedtocleanupthemessImade.IpromiseI’llleavetoday

soyoucanstopbeingangry.”Sheclosesthepantrydoorandattemptstowalkbyme.Iputmypalmonthe

doorframe,preventingherfromleavingwithouttalkingtomelonger.

“WhatmakesyouthinkI’mangry?”

“Becauseyoufeelheavy.Iknowyou,Noah.Andrightnow,you’renotinagoodplaceandIcan

onlyassumethatit’smethat’smakingyouthisway.”Shetakesastepback,pullingherhairintoamesson

topofherheadwithanelasticbandfromherwrist.Ican’tseemtopullmyeyesawayfromherasshe

movesaroundthekitchen.

“Idon’tlikethewayLeviiswithyou.”Iadmitwhat’sbotheringmeandshestopssuddenly,glaring

atmeasshetakesinwhatIjustsaid.

“Youdon’tlikehimsavingmefromanassholetoday.Himcarryingmefromaburningvehicleand

softeningmyfallwhenitexplodes.Orisitthatyoudon’tlikethathewenttojailfightingformetobesafe

inmyownhouse.Oh,Ibetit’sthatyoudon’tlikethatheofferedtostaywithmetokeepmeprotectedand

eventhoughIdeclined,heinsistedIcomeheretostaysohecanmakesurethatmaniacdoesn’tgetme.

He’sreallyahorribleperson,soIcanseeyourproblemwithhim.”Shegetslouderthelongershetalks

andIonlyhearafewsentencesbeforeItuneheroutandjustwatchherlipsmove.

“Whendidyoubecomethissexy?”ThatshutsherupandIinstantlyregretlettingthatcomeoutof

mymouth.IguessnowthatI’vestartedthis,Imayaswellcontinueandseewhathappens.I’mtiredof

fightingthisattractiontoher.

“Whyareyoudoingthis?”ImovecloseruntilI’vepinnedheragainstthekitchencabinet.Mybody

gravitatestowardhersanditisn’tuntilwe’repressedtogetherthatIrespond.

“BecauseI’vewaitedtoolongtorecognizewhatwehavebetweenus.”Shelowersherhead,

inhalingdeeplyagainstmychest.Icanfeelherheartbeatfasterthelongerwestandtogether.Herinternal

strugglebecomestoomuchforherwhenshepushesmeaway.

“Pleasedon’t.Ican’ttakeyourbipolarreactions.It’snotfairthatyou’redoingthistome.”Iwatch

herwalkupthestairsandintoLevi’sroombeforeIadjustthebulgingdickinmypants.

ChapterNine

Kali

IrushupthestairsandfightbackthetearinmyeyeasItakeinwhatNoahjustsaid.He’sjustas

indecisiveashewasyearsago.Hewantsusandthenhedoesn’t.Well,Ican’ttakehisshitrightnow.My

lifeisamessandthelastthingIneedishimburningwhat’sleftofmyheart.I’mnotsureIcanwalkaway

fromanotherhit.

LeviisstartledwhenIyankthedooropentothebedroomandhe’sinstantlylookingatmewith

hungryeyes.“Comehere,baby.”Hepatsthebedbesidehimandrollstohisside.Ican’tdothis.There’s

nowayIcanhavesexwithLeviafterwhatIjustwentthroughdownstairs.Ineedtothink.

“I’mgoingforarun.I’llbeback.”Levisitsupquickly,throwingthecoversoffhim.

“I’llcomewithyou.”

“No.That’sokay.”Itrytoreasonwithhim,butIknowitisn’tgoingtowork.I’mfeelingsuffocated

andI’mabouttoexplode.

“Kali.Howmanytimesdowehavetogooverthisshit?”

“Fine.I’llcometobedwithyou,butpleasejustgivemesomespace.Ineedtothinkaboutsome

thingsandIcan’tdothatifyou’reconstantlywantingtohavesex.”

Hestands,nakedstillfromourswimlastnight.“Kali.Idon’teverwantyoutofeellikeI’m

pressuringyouintosex.I’llgiveyouspace,justtellmewhatyouneed.Doyouwantmetostayinthe

guestbedroom?”Andittakesthatlongformetofeellikethebiggestbitchintheworld.He’sdonenothing

todeservemyclaustrophobicreactionandIhatethatI’vedonenothingbutunloadonhimsincelastnight.

“I’msorry.It’sjustbeenareallyshittytimelatelyandI’mtryingtodecidewhatmyplanis.You’re

notstayinginaguestbedroom,don’tberidiculous.”Isitonmysideofthebedandhefollowsmyleadon

hisownside.Webothliebackandhedoesn’tsayawordwhileItrytogetcomfortable.

“Thankyouforeverything.”Isearchfortherightwordstomakethisbetter,butthankyouisallI

cancomeupwith.IrolltomysideandfaceawayfromhimwhenNoah’swordsworktheirwaybackinto

myhead.LeviwrapshisarmsaroundmeandIcanfeelhisbreathagainstmyneck.

“You’renotaloneinthis.I’mheretohelpyouthroughallofit,justtellmewhat’sbotheringyou.”

“I’mjusttryingtoprocessallofthis.”HepullsmecloseragainsthimandItakeadeepbreath,

acknowledginghowgreatthisfeels.HisdicktwitchesbetweenusandIpurposelyignoreitandtuckmy

handupnexttomyfaceasIcurlintothecoversalittletighter.Noah’scologneisonmyhandsandno

matterhowhardIfighttoberightherewithLeviinthismoment,allmythoughtsarewithNoah.

Damnhimforthis.Hedoesn’tgettodothistome.

I’mpissedoffmorethaneverrightnowandtheworstpartisallofthisismakingmefeellikeI’ma

weakbitchwhocan’tdealwithherownproblems.Levishouldn’thavetosaveme.Ineedtosavemyself

andthesetwomenmightbethefirstthingIneedtorunfrom.

LevifallsasleepandIrollovertofacehim,hopinghe’llhelpmestopthinkingaboutNoah.His

stubbleticklesmyforehead,remindingmeofourfirstnighttogether.He’sthefirstmanI’veeverbeen

withthathasfacialhair.He’sbeenamazingtomelatelyandIhatethatIcan’treciprocateallthathe

seemstobefeeling.Ifthingsweredifferent,I’dneverlethimgo.Icouldgetusedtohavingthisfacewith

meeverynight,butIcan’tthinklikethatwhenNoahisstillcirclingmymindlikeheis.

Thereheisagain,backinmythoughts.ThemoreIthinkabouteverythingthemadderIgetand

beforeIknowit,IcanbarelybreathewiththeheavinessofmyfrustrationmixedwithLevi’sarms.Islide

outfromunderhisholdanddecideIhavetorespondtoNoahrightnow.Leavingthistofesterinmymind

willonlybetoxicformeandthat’sthelastthingIneed.I’velivedwithhopeofhavinghiminmylifefor

toomanyyearsforhimtoplaywithmymindlikethis.

Iwalkthroughthehouseandfinditempty.HisbedroomdoorisopenandIcanhearthewater

runninginhisbathroom.Throughthelumpinmythroat,Iswallowhardandtakethefewstepsittakesto

gettothefootofhisbedandsitquietly.Waitingforhimtocomeoutisamindfuck,butIholdstrong

knowingIneedtogetthisoffmychest.Hedoesn’tgettomakemefeellikethisanymore.

Hestepsout,instantlyseeingme.Hishairiswetandhischestiscoveredwithmoisture.Steam

rollsoutofthebathroombehindhimandforamomentIcan’tspeakasIwatchhimapproachme.

“You’renothidingthistime.”Hisvoicesnapsmebacktoreality,soIquicklystand.“IfIwould’ve

knownyou’dbesneakingintomybedroom,Iwould’veletyoubetheonetojackmeoffintheshower.”

Hisboldnesssurprisesme,eventhoughitshouldn’t.He’sobviouslymoresecurewithhimselfnowthan

heeverwasinhighschool.TheNoahIknewneverwould’vetalkedtomelikehehasthepastfewdays.

“I’monlyheretotellyouthatyouhavetostop.Youdon’tgettoplaygameswithmyheadwhile

yousitbackandlaughatthedestruction.”Hemovescloser,slowlytakingmybreathawaywitheverystep

hetakes.

“WhosaysI’mplayinggames?”

“Ido.Youpushedmeawayjusttheothernightifyoudon’tremember,thenIstartseeingLeviand

nowyou’veconvenientlychangedyourmind.”

“Ijustcametomysenses.YouconvincedmethatIneedtothinkaboutthisalittleharder.”He

takesmyhandandputsitoverthetowelthat’swrappedaroundhiswaist,pushingmyhandintohisown

hardnessashesaystheword.IbattlewiththerealizationthatI’mnowtheoneplayinggames,pretending

asifIhaven’twaitedyearsforthisandactinglikeIdon’twantitrightnow.

Ipullmyhandaway,buthedoesn’tbudge.Hestandsovermewitheverybitofconfidencehe’shad

sinceIwalkedintothishousetheothernight.

“Tellmeyouhaven’tthoughtaboutwhatit’dbeliketofuckme.Tohavemydickbetweenyour

legs,makingyouscreamuntilyoudon’thavetheenergytofuckingwalk.”Hepullsmeagainsthisbody

abruptly,liftingmychinuntilI’mlookingintohiseyes.“Canyoutellmethat,Kali?”Idon’trespond,

becausehe’dknowI’mlyingifItoldhimIhadn’t.AndifItoldhimthetruth,I’mafraiditwouldstart

somethingI’mnotpreparedtosaynoto.

“Stop.”It’sonlyawhisper,butit’senoughtokeephimfrommovinganycloser.“Pleasejustletme

saywhatIcameinheretosay.”Hedoesn’tremovehishandfrommyneckortheoneholdingmylower

backsothatI’mpressedagainsthim.

“Saywhatyoucametosay.”He’stooclose.IthoughtIcouldfeeltheweightofhimearlier,butthat

didn’tcomparetotheheavinessI’mexperiencingnow.“Kali.Tellmethatthisisn’twhatyoucamefor.”

HedropshistowelandIpushagainsthischesttogetawayfromhim.

“Howcanyoudothistome?”

“TellmewhatI’mdoing.”Hewalksovertothedoor,casuallyclosingitbeforeheturnstolookat

meagain.He’snakedandwatchingmedifferentlythanhehasbefore.I’malmostafraidtoknowwhathe’s

thinkingandwhatmadehimchangethewayhe’sactingtowardsme.

“IthoughtIwaslikefamilytoyou.Thatyoucan’tbewithmebecauseofourparentsbeingmarried

anduslivingtogetherfifteendamnyearsago.Rememberyoutellingmethatyou’llneverbeabletofuck

mebecauseyouconsidermeasisterandthatI’donlybeapieceofasstoyou.”HelooksdownasI

continuespoutingoffallthethingshesaidtometheothernight.“Andnowyouthinkyoucanjustdrop

yourtowelandwhatNoah?YouthinkI’lljustdroptomykneeslikeawhoreandtakeyoutothebackof

mythroat?”

IgetlouderthemoreIgoon.I’minfuriatedthathe’sshiftinglikethisafterI’vestartedspending

timewithLevi.Infact,I’mactuallyenjoyingwhatlittletimeI’vehadwithhimwhereweweren’thaving

somedamncrisisofminetodealwith.“Whyareyoudoingthisnow?Afterthewayyou’vetreatedmethe

pastfewdaysandalltherepulsedlooksyou’veglaredinmydirection.”HewalkstowardmeasIwalk

backwards.Istopwithmybackagainsthisdooronceagainandheputshispalmonthedoorabovemy

headjustlikehedidtheothernight.

“I’msorry,Kali.Youdon’trepulseme.It’stheopposite.Feelwhatyoudotome.”Hepullsmy

righthandintohisandmovesitoverhiscockagain.HislipsmoveclosetomineandIfighteveryounce

ofrestraintIhavelefttosayonetinyword.

“No.”

“Doyoureallymeanno?Becauseifyousayitonemoretime,I’mthrowingyououtofhere.”He

staresintomyeyesandevenifItriedtopullawayfromhim,Iwouldn’tgetveryfarbeforeIfeelhim

again.Hehasthisholdovermeandhehasalmostmyentirelife.ButIhavetofightthesefeelings,even

thoughIknowI’llthinkaboutthismomentcountlesstimesinthefuture.

IhatethatIcan’tjuststayinhereandfinallytakewhatI’vewantedforsolong,butitallcomes

backtothewayhetreatedmetheothernight.Ican’tandIwon’tputupwithhimbeingacompleteasshole

andheseemstobereallygoodatitlately.

Hepushesagainstmeagain,thistimemakingsurehisdickgrindsagainstmypelvis.“ShitKali,

ChapterTen

Noah

She’smakingmeinsane.HerkissiseverybitastemptingasIthoughtit’dbe.Chaosfilledwith

heavybreathinganddesperationslamsmestraightintoafrenzyoftryingtogetasclosetoherasIcan.

Herhairdrapesdownbetweenus,tanglinginmyfingerswhenItrytoholdherhead.Itseemsto

causehertofreezeupandnowshenolongermatchestheintensitycoursingthroughmybody.

I’monfuckingfireandshe’sgoingtopullaway.Icanfeelheralreadydoingit.

“Ineedyou,Kali,”Irepeatandcontinuekissingherneck,bitingjustslightlywhenit’scompletely

exposedforme.

“Noah,Ican’t.”HerwhisperagainstmyearshouldcausemetostopthetrailofkissesI’m

spreadingoverherchest,butitdoesn’t.Ignoringhershouldbringherbacktowherewewereafew

minutesago,butitdoesn’t.

“Stop.”SheplacesherhandonmychestagainandIhavenochoicebuttoendwhatshouldbethe

firsttimewe’rehavingsextogether.

“Canyoutellmeyou’renotcravingthis?”Igripherhairandforcehertolookintomyeyesasmy

deepgrumblecomesoutsoundingjustasfrustratedasIam.

Therawemotionofbeingthisclosetohernearlyhasmesettingheronherfeetandwalkingaway

onceagain.There’ssomuchbetweenusandIknowwehaven’tbeguntoscratchthesurfaceoftheissues

wehave,butrightnowinthismomentallIcanthinkofissinkingmydickdeepinsidehersoIcanlisten

tohermoanformethistime.

“Notlikethis.”Instantirritationspreadsthroughmeatherrejection.Iletherslidedownmybody

andtakeafewstepsback.IstartstrokingmycockasIstandtherelookingather.Hereyesdrop

immediatelyassherealizeswhatI’mdoing.

“Howthen?Onthebed,intheshowerorwecouldalwaysgoforafuckinthepool,sinceyouseem

tolikethat.”Herstanceshiftsimmediately,justlikeIknewitwould.Iknowthisisabouttoturnintoa

conversationaboutthepastandwhat’sfesteringbetweenus.I’mnotreadytotalkaboutallofthat;hell,it

tookeverythinginmejusttoapproachherlikeIdidjustnow.

“You’reanassforsayingthat.”

“Wellyoudid,seemtolikeitoutthere.”Mystrokingslows,butIcontinueasshewalksacrossthe

room.

“Canyoustopdoingthat?”She’sannoyedandforsomereasonthatmakesmehappy,because

there’snooneinthishousemoreinfuriatedthanIam.

“Onlyifyoutakeover.I’mnotexactlyafanofhavingblueballsafteryouleavemybedroom

again.”ShetiltsherheadassheprocesseswhatI’msaying.

“Youdidn’t…”

“No,Ididn’tfuckthosegirlstheothernight.IkickedthemoutwhenIthoughtyouleft.”Forabrief

minute,Iseehertryingtocomprehendwhat’sgoingonbetweenus.

“Whydidyoutreatmelikethat?Icameheretocheckonyouandwantedtoseehowyourlifeis

going.”Sadnessspreadsoverherface,makingmefeelguiltyforcausingheranymorepainaftertheshitty

fewdaysshe’sbeenhaving.

“BecauseIwantedyoutoleave.Ididn’twanttothinkaboutwhatI’ddotoyouifgiventhe

chance.”ShesitsontheedgeofmybedandbynowI’vestoppedjerkingoffandI’mtryingtofigureout

howtomoveonfromhere.DoItreatherlikeshittogethertoleaveandnevercomebacktome,ordoI

slideheronherbackandtrytogoafterwhatI’vebeencravingoverhalfmylife?

“Youlookedsocoldthatnight.I’veneverseenyoulikethatbefore.”Herwordsarebarelya

whisperandherhairhidesherfaceasshelooksdownatherfidgetinghandsbeforeshecontinues.“I’ve

lovedyoumyentirelifeanditdawnedonmethatnightthatIdon’tevenknowyou.TheNoahIknowisn’t

capableofplayingthatdirty.YouknewIwasinhereandyoudeliberatelybroughtthosegirlsintorubin

myface.Thathurt.”

“Yousnuckintomyroom.”SheinterruptsmebeforeIcansayanythingelse.

“Ididn’tknowitwasyourroom.IjustwantedtogosomewhereprivatesoIcouldwaitonmyride

withoutanyoneseeingmelikethat.”Imovetositnexttoher,notbotheringtocoverupwithmytowelor

anythingelseforthatmatter.

“Youlikedwatching,didn’tyou?Icouldfeelyouintheroom.Wishingitwasyoutherewithme.”

Shedoesn’trespond,buthersilencesayseverything.Islidemyhandbehindherneck,pullingher

facetowardmeonceagain.ShejerksawaybeforeIhavethechancetokissher.“Wetaketurnsfighting

this,don’twe,Kali?”Shestandsquickly,exhalingloudlybeforeshestartspacing.

“I’mhavingfunwithLevi.Youdon’tgettoplaymindgameswithme.That’swhyIcameinherein

thefirstplace.”Iwatchherassasitpassesmeafewtimeswithhernervousstridingbackandforth.

“I’mnotplayinggames.ThisiswhoIam,Kali.Stillfuckedintheheadwhenitcomestoyou.”She

stopsdirectlyinfrontofme,focusingonmyeyesandplacingherhandsonherhips.Shelookssexyas

fuckwhenshe’smad.“I’dgiveanythingtofuckthatsassrightoutofyou.”Istandandstalktowardher

slowly.She’sabouttogivein,Icantell.

“Howaboutwefuckfirst,talklater.Somethingtellsmewe’dhavedifferentthingstotalkabout.”

I’mstrokingmyselfagainasItakethefinalfewstepstoreachher.HereyesfalltomycockandIcan’t

holdbackthesmirkthatspreadsacrossmyface.“I’veneverhadtoworkthishardforsex,butsomething

tellsmeyou’reworthit.”

“AlltheseyearsI’vewantedyoutolookatmelikeyouarerightthisveryminute.Andnowthatyou

are,Ican’tstandit.Iknowyou’reonlydoingthisbecauseyoudon’twantLevitobewithme.”Shewalks

tothedoorandthistimeIdon’tfollow.

“Youthinkyouknowmesowell,Kali.”

“Ididknowyou.You’vechanged.”Sheflipsaroundtogivemeonelastlookbeforeshereachesfor

thedoorknob.

“MaybeIhave.Butsomethingtellsmeyoulikethisguy.”Sheslowlyshakesherhead,denying

whatI’msaying.“Whydon’tyoustopplayingthegamesnowanddroptoyourknees?”Herjawdrops

openwhenIsaywhatIknowshe’sitchingtodo.“TakemybigcocktothebackofthatsexythroatuntilI

controlyourbreathing.”

“Fuckyou,Noah.”Sheadjustsherclothesandyanksthedooropen,leavinginahaste.Leviwalks

byrightaftershewalksout;thelookonhisfacetellsmehedoesn’tappreciatethefactthatshejustranout

ofherewhileIstandherenakedwithmyhandonmydick.Well,ifit’sanyconsolation,I’mnotfondofit

either.

“Whatthefuckdidyoujustdo?”

IpullapairofsweatsfromtheedgeofthebedandslidethemonbeforeIanswer.Ifheattacksme,

Idon’tneedmydicktryingtohelpmekickhisass.“WhatIshould’vedoneyearsago.”

Hewalksinwithhisfuckinghairstandingonendineverydirection,yetstilllookinglikehecould

putonasuitandpulloffabusinesslook.“Didyoufuckher?”He’spissedandheshouldbe.

“Notyet.”Hechargesatme,divingandslammingusbothintomydresser.

“Youfuckingdick.Youknowshe’sstayingwithme.”HelandsapunchtomystomachandIgethim

inthejawbeforeKalirushesinandstartsscreamingatbothofus.

“Stop!Fuckingstopitrightnow.I’mnotdealingwiththisshit.”Shegripshisshirtandpushes

againstmychesttoseparateus.“Levi,youdon’tgettofightoverme.I’mnotyourstofightover.Andyou

ass,”sheshovesmeandstandsagainstmewhileshefinishes.“IknowyoujustantagonizedhimandI’m

doneplayingyourgames.I’mgettingahoteluntilIcanmovebackintomyownhouse.”Shestompsout

whilewebothworktocatchourbreath.

“TellherI’mleavingonbusinessandyoubothhavethehouseforaweek.”Levisquintsatme,

knowingI’mlyingabouthavingabusinesstrip,buthedoesn’targuewithmeortrytoaskquestions.We

bothknowit’llbeeasierthisway.

Istartfoldingsomeclothesintoasuitcasewhilehestandsthereandwatchesme.“Didyourass

reallyfinallydecidetogiveintoher?”

HiswordsmakemepauseasIthinkofthebestwaytorespondtohim.“Yes.”

“Whatisityouwantfromher?”

“Idon’twantanything.Itwasastupidmoveonmypartandit’sobviouswe’llneverbeanything

morethanwhateverthefuckwearerightnow.”Hedoesn’trespond.Hejustwatchesmewithcuriosityin

hisface.Ineedtoavoidtalkingtohimtoo,sincehe’smadeithislifemissionrecentlytotellmehowI’ve

fuckedupforyearswhereKaliisconcerned.Idon’tneedanotherreminder;there’senoughtortureinmy

ownthoughtsaboutheralready.

ChapterEleven

Kali

It’sbeenfourdayssinceNoahleftandthat’showlongI’vebeentryingtoprocesseverythinghe

saidtomebeforehewalkedoutthedoor.Levihasbeenextremelyhelpfulandhasevengivenmethe

spaceI’veneededtothinkaboutthings,butIcanfeelhimtryingtopullaway.Irefusetolethim.He’s

beenanamazingfriendtomeoverthepastweekandIdon’tknowhowIwould’vemadeitwithouthim.

“Whatareyourplansfortheday?”Levirollstowardme,rubbinghisfaceintheprocess.

“I’mgoingtotakeyourfrienduponthatofferandtakethatjobatMike’s.Ineednormalcyinmy

life.”Hesitsupquicklybeforeheleansoverme.

“You’regoingtogetsofuckingtiredofseeingme.ButatleastthiswayIcanmakesureyou’re

safe.”He’stakingafewshiftsasabounceratoneofhisfriend’sclubs.I’llbewaitressingbecauseMike

assuredmeI’dmakegreattips,soI’msurethiswillhelpmegetsomemoneysavedupfasttogetacar

again.

“IdoubtI’llgettiredofyou.IjustwanttogetsomemoneysavedupsoIcangetanewplaceanda

car.”

“Youcantakemytruckuntilyoubuyacar.Icanridethebikeuntilthen.”HehasamotorcyclethatI

haven’tseenhimonyet.

“WhatwouldIdowithoutyou?”

“You’dbelost.”Heleansovertoleaveapeckonmylipsbeforeheclimbsovermeandwalksinto

thebathroom,closingthedoor.There’sthatpullingawayI’vebeenfeeling.

Ithrowthecoversoffmylegsandfollowhim,openingthedoortohimstandinginfrontofthetoilet

takingapiss.

“Youwanttoholditformeorsomething?”HeturnsjustenoughthatIcanseehisdickandthe

streamofpeeflowingfromit.

“No.Whyareyoupullingawayfromme?”Helowershisheadagain,turningsoIcan’tseehis

face.

“I’mgivingyouthespaceyouneedtofigureoutyourlife.Believeme,it’snotsomethingIwantto

do.”Heshakesoffthelastfewdripsbeforeheturnstheshoweron.

“Thenstop.IfI’mgoingtofigurethisout,Ineedyoutobenormalwithme.Idon’twantyoutohold

backbecauseI’mnotsomefragilewomanthatcan’thandleyouatyourbest.”Hesmilesandexhalesin

relief.

“Thankgod.MydickisgoingtofalloffifIdon’tgettotouchyousoon.”Heapproachesmewitha

hungerinhiseyesandIdon’tmakehimsayanythingmorebeforeIstartpullingmytanktopandshortsoff.

“Jesus,Kali.Howdidyougettobesoperfect?”Hisbreathhitsmyear,sendingchillsovermy

nakedskin.

“You’renotsobadyourself,youknow.Agirlcouldgetusedtowakingupnexttothisfaceevery

morning.”Igriphischininmyhandandpullhisfacetowardmine.Hedoesn’tgivemeachancetosay

anythingfurtherbeforehecoversmylipswithhis.Hepullstheshirtoffhisbackandkickshisshortsoff

inrecordtime.

Grabbingmyass,heliftsmearoundhiswaist.ThemusclesinhisarmsshiftundermyhandsandI

takethisopportunitytoexplorehimalloveragain.Asmyfingersrundownhisback,hemovesusuntilmy

backisagainstthewallintheshowerandthewaterisracingdownbothofourbodies.

Hemovesfasttopositionhimself,makingthefirstthrustinsidemeexquisite.He’severythingI’ve

alwayswantedinaman,yetmymindhauntsmeeveninthisverymoment.He’snotNoah.

Heneverwillbe.SowhydoeshefeelsorightandNoahseemslikeeverythingIshouldsteerclear

of?

“Kali,you’retightasfuck.Areyouclenchingdownonmydick?”Irealizemymindhasmetense

whenIneedtobefocusedonLevi.Releasingmymusclesallowshimtothrustdeepthistime.“Ahfuck.

That’sit.Letmein.”Hegripsmyhair,pullingmyheadbackbeforehemoansintomyneck.

Heclawsandgripsmybodywhilehefucksmeagainstthewall.Ifeelhimeverywhereandwith

thathemakesmeforgetaboutNoah.HeconsumesmeandtakesmeplacesI’veneverbeenwhenmybody

beginstoshiverandexplodeintoanorgasmsostrongthatIhavenochoicebuttoscreaminpainand

pleasureatthesametime.

Hedoesn’tstopthrustingevenwhenIbecomesosensitivethatI’mtryingtopullawayfromhim.

Hismoaningbecomeslikeagrowlwhenhereacheshisownorgasmashepullsoutandsendshiscumall

overtheshowerwallbesideus.“Fuck,youmakemecrazy.Ineededthatthismorning.”Herunshishand

throughhiscrazyhair,allowingthewatertotamethemessontopofhishead.

“Youdon’texactlymakemecalm.”Hesmilesanornerygrinbeforehehitsmebackwithhis

banter.

“MaybeIlikeyoucrazy.”Thisishowweare.He’sfunandalwaysplayful.He’sexactlywhatI

needinmylife.He’snotouttofuckwithmymindorcausemetofeelinadequateaboutmyshortcomings.

LevihasalwaysmademefeellikeIdeservetobehappy.Evenwhenhetriedtogetmetoforgetabout

Noahandmoveonwithmylife,hisintentionsweretomakemerealizethatIneedtorespectmyself

enoughtoknowNoahdoesn’tdictatemyhappiness.

“MaybeIlikeyoucrazy.”

“Nah,youlovemycrazy.Youthinkit’ssexy.”He’sright.I’mbeginningtolovehiscrazyandIsure

ashellthinkit’ssexy.

ChapterTwelve

Kali

“Lookatthatass.”Levistepsclosebehindme,pullingmeagainsthishipsasI’mbentoverwiping

atableclean.

“Stop.Itoldyoutokeepitprofessionalattheclub.Idon’tneedyoudistractingme.”Hereleases

mewithagiantgrinonhisface.

“Alwayssoserious.IlovethatIknowtherelaxedKali.”

“Awayfromhereyoucanbelikethat,butwhenI’matworkIneedyoutorespectthatI’mbusy.”

“OhIknow.Ijustcouldn’tresistthatassofyours.”

“Well,thankyou.Ithink.”Igrabthetrayofemptyglassesandturntolookathim.“Igetoffinan

hour.Whattimewillyoubedone?”

“I’mheretillmidnight.Areyougoingtohangaroundhereorheadtothehouse?”Heshiftsintohis

seriousprotectiveLevi.

“I’llheadtoyourhouseandtakeashower.I’llbetherewhenyougethomeandmaybewecanstart

whereweleftoffthismorning.”HiseyeslightupandIcan’thelpbutmatchhissmile.Hemakesmefeel

amazingandIwanttospendtimewithhim.

“Howdoyoufeelaboutgoingforaruninthemorningbeforework?Ormaybesomegrocery

shopping?”

“I’min.Wealsoshouldgocheckoutsomehouses.ItoldNoahI’dfindaplacetostaysoon.You

canstaywithmeuntilyougetyourplace.Orifyoudecidetoneverleave,I’dbefinewiththattoo.”His

smilesayseverythingandinthismoment,Idon’tseeanythingwrongwithseeingwherethisrelationship

goes.

“Soundslikeaplan.Let’sseehoweverythinggoes.I’llseeyoulatertonight.”Itakethelasttrayto

thekitchenandclockout.MikealreadytoldmehowgreatIwasdoingandsaidIcouldleaveoncethelast

tablewascleared.

Levifollowsmeouttohistruck,justlikeIthoughthewould.HealsokissesmeashardasIhoped

hewould.“Nowsee,outhereit’sokay.Infact,Iwantyoutogropemeandactlikeyoucan’tkeepyour

handsoffme.”

“IthinkIcanhandlethat.”Hepullsmeagainsthischestforahugjustbeforesomecommotion

disturbsusbackattheclubentrance.“LookslikeIneedtohelpatthedoor.I’llseeyouinacoupleof

hours.”

Hedoesn’tleavemeuntilI’minthetrucksohecanclosethedoor.Levihasawayofmakingme

feelsafeandIlovethatabouthim.It’ssomethingIneverknewIwasmissinguntilheshowedmewhatit

feelslike.

Ilookdownattheclockonmydrivehomeandrealizeit’sbeenexactlyaweekfromrightnowthat

IwasatLevi’shousefortheparty,seeingNoahforthefirsttimeinyears.Mynerveswerealloverthe

place,butI’mgladItookthechanceandwent.Thecuriositywaskillingme.It’samazinghoweverything

canchangeinjustafewdays.

IparkasclosetothehouseasIcanandrushinsideonceIgetthere.Iguessthathasbecomeahabit

latelywiththeassholeneighborlivingnextdoor.

Oncethedoorislockedagain,Itakeadeepbreathandfliponafewlights.Thehouseisquiet,soI

hittheremote,sendingmusicthroughthespeakersandbegintomovefreelyaroundthehouse.I’vedone

everythingIcantomakesurenothingisoutofplaceinNoah’shouse.Idon’tneedhimtohaveanyreasons

togetpissedwhenhereturns.

Myplanistobeoutofherebythen,butsomethingtellsmehe’dholdagrudgeforyearsifIdo

anythingevenintheslightesttoirritatehim.

I’mwipingdownthebarwhenIhearthefrontdoorslam.Irushtoseewhoitisonlytocomeface

tofacewithNoahinthelivingroom.“Don’tmindme.Pleasecontinuetomovearoundthehouseinthat

sluttylittleoutfitofyours.Ihappentolikewatchingyou.”

“Youwerewatchingme?Whatthehell,Noah?”Imovetocheckallthecurtainsbeforehehasa

chancetorespond.

“Sueme.”HestartsupthestairswithoutanotherwordandmyheartbeatssohardIcanfeel

throughoutmybody.

Whydoeshestillhavethepowertodothistome?He’sanasshole.

ChapterThirteen

Noah

Thosefuckingshortsshouldbeoutlawedinpublic.Herasscheeksareouttoteasetheworldand

torturemetofuckingdeath.Itakethestairstwoatatimeanddon’thearanynoisebehindme,notthatI’d

stopfromstrippingifshedidfollow.

I’vebeendrivingforfourdaystryingtofigureoutwhatI’mdoingwithmylife,onlytoreturnwith

amorechaoticmindthanwhenIleft.Kaliismyweakness;shealwayshasbeen.TheonethingIdid

figureoutonmysoul-searchingtripisthatIregretnotgivingintohersooner.It’salwaysbeenKali.I’ve

datedwomenforyearsandeverysingleoneofthemhadtoenduremycriticalcomparisontoKali.And

everysingleoneofthemcameupshort.

IhearLevi’sbedroomdoorclosejustbeforeIstarttakingapiss.She’shidingfromme.Idon’t

blameher.Butsadly,thatdoorbeingclosedisn’tgoingtostopwhatI’mabouttosaytoher.

Pullingtheoldphotoalbumfromthetopofmyclosetandanewt-shirtfromahanger,Ileavemy

roomonamissiontotalktoher.IgiveherthecourtesyofaknockbeforeIopenthedoor.She’ssurprised.

“Ididn’tsayyoucouldcomein.”

“Yeah,yousee;it’smyhousesoIdon’thavetobeinvited.”Ifeellikeadickforsayingthat,butit’s

whatslipsoutbeforeIhavethechancetostopit.

“Whatdoyouwant,Noah?”She’sirritatedwithme.

“Thoughtyoushouldseesomething.Wecaneitherdothisinhereoryoucanmeetmeback

downstairs.”Shescansthebedbeforesheresponds.

“Downstairs.”Iletmyeyesmoveoverthebedandthenbacktotheuncomfortablelookonherface

beforeIturnaroundandleavetheroom.ShefucksLeviinthatbed,ofcourseshedoesn’tfeelrelaxed

havingmeinthatroom.

I’minthekitchenpouringmyselfadrinkwhenshemakesanappearance.She’snowwearing

sweatpantsandabaggyt-shirt,I’msureinanattempttokeepmefrommakinganymovesonher.Little

doessheknowthere’snotathingshecouldputonthatwouldcausemetonotbeattractedtoher.

Iopenthephotoalbumandturnmybacktoitasshesitsdownatthebar.“ThisiswhyI’ve

struggledwithwhatwehavebetweenus.Doyouseewhatyourmommademeaftermyfatherlefther?”I

listentoherturnpageafterpageofthescrapbookthathashauntedmeforyears.

Glancingovermyshoulder,Iseethatshe’sengrossedwitheachpage.“Noah,Ihadnoideamy

momsentyouthis.”

“Shesentanewsectioneveryyear.Iaddedtothatbookuntilshestoppedsendingmepages.”

“Jesus.Nowonderyou’vefoughtthis.Sheputthewordsisteroneverypage.”

“Iknowshedid.”Shelooksupfromthealbumbeforeshegetstotheend.

“Wearen’tbloodrelatedNoah.WhatI’vefeltforyoualltheseyearsgoesdeeperthanthat.I’ve

lovedyoubychoice,notbysomefateofnaturethatwe’rerelatedandI’mforcedintorespectingyou.I

lovedyoubecauseyouunderstoodme.YoumademefeellikeIbelongedsomewhere.”Tearsfillhereyes

andittakeseverythinginmenottogoaroundthebaranddrythemlikeIhaveinthepast.

“I’vealwayslovedyou.Butitwasneverenoughforyou.”Idrinkmywhiskeyandwatchherfinish

thealbumwhileshefightsthetearsthreateningtoslidedownherface.“Thankyouforshowingmethis.”

AndbeforeIcanspeakaroundthelumpinmythroat,she’swalkedoutoftheroomandisrunningupthe

stairs.

IpourmyselfanotherglassandcontemplatehowI’msupposedtoreacttoher.Nomatterhowmany

timesI’vetriedtodenywhatI’vefeltovertheyears,she’salwaystherelingeringinthebackground

torturingmymind.Ithrowthelastswigofmydrinkbackanddecidetogoforwhat’smine.

ThistimeItakethestairsoneatatime,playinginmyheadexactlywhatI’mgoingtosaywhenI

openherdoor.IshouldfeelguiltycomingatherlikeIhavebeennowthatshe’splayingaroundwithLevi,

butweallknowthatisn’treal.

Standingnexttothecloseddoor,Icanhearwaterrunning.She’sintheshower;Ican’tthinkofa

bettertimetotellherhowIfeel.Shefailedtolockthedoor.That’ssomethingshe’lllearntodoifshe

wantstokeepmeout.

Icanseehernakedsilhouettebehindtheroughglassdoor.Herheadistiltedbackwhilesheletsthe

watersoakintoherlonghair.Hertitsmovejustslightlyassherunsherfingersthroughherhair.Icould

watchherlikethisallday,butI’mnotgoingtomissthisopportunity.Kickingmyshoesoff,Islidethe

dooropenandstepin.IttakesherasecondtoseemeandjustlikeIthoughtshe’ddo,shescreamsbefore

shetriestocoverherself.

Ipullherhandsintominetocalmher.“Stop.I’mjustheretotalk.”Herbreathingisheavyandher

eyessearchme,tryingtounderstandwhatI’mdoing.Ibrushthehairoffhercheekandlickmylipsbefore

Isayoneword.Thewatercontinuestodrenchmyshirtandjeans.

“I’vealwayslovedyoutoo.”ThelumpinmythroatseemstobegrowingthemoreItalk.“You’ve

beenmorethanenoughforme.Butthetruthis,I’mafraidI’llruinyou.”Irubmythumboverherlowerlip

whenshestartstosaysomething.“Kali,it’swhatIdo.Youdeservebetterthanme,yethereIamfighting

againsteverythingI’vetoldmyselfforyears.”

“Noah,”shewhispersagainstmyfingers.HergriponmyjeanstightensandforasecondIimagine

rippingmyclothesoffandfuckingherrighthereinLevi’sshower.Herfaceistormentedasshefights

whateverisfuckingwithhermindandIknowIneedtoleavethisshower.Imaybeagiantdick,butthisis

evenbeyondmycapabilities.

“Takeyourtimefindingaplace.Youcanstayhereaslongasyouneedto.I’llkeepmydistance,

unlessyoucometomeformore.”Shedoesn’treleasehergriponmeevenwhenIdropmyhandstomy

sides.Shegripstighter,pullingmetowardher.

Islideahandbehindherneckandpullherfacetowardmine.Mykississoftandgentle.IknowifI

ChapterFourteen

Levi

IseeNoah’struckinthedrivewaywhenIpulluptothehouseandmymindinstantlygoesintoa

panicwonderingwhathe’ssaidtoKali.Hehasn’tbeenexactlywelcomingtoher,soIhopehehasn’tsaid

anythingtonighttocontradictmetellinghershe’swelcometostaywithus.

ThehouseisquietwhenIstepinsideuntilIhearaglassbeingsetdowninthekitchen.WhenIturn

thecorner,Noahisstandingbehindthebar,pouringtwoglassesofwhiskey.“Haveadrinkwithme.”

“What’stheoccasion?”Idropmystuffonthetableandtakeastoolatthebar,watchinghimclosely

asItrytofigureoutwherehisheadis.

“DoIneedaspecialoccasiontodrinkwithmybestfriendoffifteenyears?”

“Thoughtyouweregoingtobegoneforaweek.”Hehandsmeoneoftheglassesandleansback

againstthecabinet,facingmewhileheslowlysipsthewhiskeyfromtheglass.

“Idroveforfourdays,thendecidedIwasreadytobehome.”Ifollowhisleadandsipthedrink,

eyeinghimovertherim.

“Fourdaysofdriving.It’sbeenawhilesinceyou’vepulledthatstunt.”Iknowhim.Heonlydrives

likethatwhenitinvolvesKali.Heusestheroadashisthinkingtime,onlyinthepastitwasfortwodays

atatime.

“Yeah,Iguessithas.”HisvoicebecomeslowerwhenIhearfootstepsbehindme.Idon’tlookback

toseeKali,Iknowit’sherbythelookonhisface.

Shesitsnexttome,notsayingawordwhileshewatchesNoahturnandpulloutabottleoftequila.

“Ithinkit’stimeweallhaveashottogether.”Hiseyeslockonherswhilehepoursthefirstshot,thenhe

doesn’tmakeeyecontactwithheragain.Icantellhe’suptosomethingandI’mhalftemptedtobeathis

assjustforwhatmymindisconcoctingasapossiblescenarioofhisintentions.

“Tofuckingoffinthepast,fuckingforfuninthepresent,andfuckingupinthefuture.”Heliftshis

shotglassandholdsitoverthebarashewaitsforustobothjoinhim.Iraisemineandsheslowly

follows,bothofuslookingathimlikehe’samentalcasereadytoblow.

“That’salotoffucking,mydearfriend.”

“Youshouldrelatetothat,”heshootsbackquickly,pouringusallanothershot.

“Noah,whatareyoudoing?”Hervoiceislow,almostlikeshe’sscaredtopokethecrazythat’s

lingeringintheroom.

“Can’taguyjusthaveafewdrinkswithhisfriends?”Hehandshertheshotglassagain,both

glaringimaginarydaggersintoeachother’seyesbeforeshetakesit.

“OnemoreandI’mgoingtogoshowerthetrashywhoresoffme,”Ispeakup,interruptingtheir

intensezonedinbehavior.There’sobviouslysomethinggoingonbetweenthesetwoandeventhoughI’m

findingmyselffallingforKali,Iwon’tbeabarbarianandpushhertofeelthesameformewhenIknow

howshe’sfeltaboutNoahherentirelife.ShehastofallformebecauseI’mthebetteroption,notoutof

guilt.

“Kali,whydon’tyoudothehonorsthistime?Whatarewetoastingto?”Noahputsheronthespot

andIwatchhershiftinherseatwhileshethinksaboutatoast.Myeyesfalltoherlongbraidedhair,still

dampfromhershower.

“Totakingitonedayatatime.”Iwatchhimsmirkandlifthisglass,soIfollow.Thisonedidn’t

tasteassmoothastheotherone,butitmightbemechokingonthethoughtsswirlingaroundinmyhead.

“I’mheadeduptoshower.”Sheturnstowardmeandsurprisesmewithasoftkiss.Iletmytongue

slideoverhersafewtimesbeforeIpullbackandlookherintheeyes.“I’llbebackdowninafew.”Her

smileallowsmetoleaveherwithaconfidencethatshe’sstillfeelingme,eventhoughI’mnotpushing.

“Soundsgreat.”ShegivesmeonelastkissbeforeIleavethetwoofthemalone.IdecideIneedto

hurrymyassupandshowbackupastheusualLeviandleavethistiredassholeupstairs.

Kali

Noahisplayinggameseventhoughhesaidhe’dleavemealoneunlessIapproachedhim.Icantell

LevicaughtontohisshenanigansandIknowI’llneedtotellhimeverythingsoon.Hedeservesthetruth

frommeandIcanonlyhopehedoesn’thatemeforwhathashappenedthepastfewdays.

“Wasthatlittleshowforme?”Noah’sirritationisobviousbythesoundofhisvoice.

“Itwasn’tashow,Noah.YouknowI’vebeenspendingtimewithLevilately.He’sactuallyreally

nicetome.”

“Oh,Idon’tdoubtthat.”

“Don’tbelikethat.Youhavetogivemetimetoprocessallofthis.”Istandwiththeintentionof

goingupstairstoescapehisrudedemeanorwhenhemovesaroundthebartomeetme.

“Tellme.Doyouthinkhecouldstilltastemykissonthesesexylipsofyours?”Herubshisthumb

overmybottomlip,wipingawayanymoistureLevileftbehind.

“WhatmakesyouthinkIdidn’tscrubmylipsonceyouleft?”Hesquintshiseyesbeforehe

respondswithamischievousgrinonhisface.

“Becausewebothknowyouslidtwofingersinthatpussyofyoursandthoughtofmewhileyou

wereleftwantingtherealthing.”

“Isthisyoukeepingyourdistance?Becausetomeitfeelslikeyou’recomingatmefromall

angles.”Heputshishanddownathissideandallowshiseyestobrushovermyface.Icanalmostfeel

himashetakesallmyfeaturesin.

“You’refuckinggorgeousandyouhavenoidea.Thatalonemakesyoudangerous.”Idon’trespond

tohim;that’swhathewantsfromme.He’smakingitveryclearthathewon’tbegivingmemyspaceto

figurethingsout.He’sgoingtobeveryaggressivelytorturingmeuntilIeithergiveintohimorleaveso

hecan’tgettome.

LevihasbeenamazingtomeandIcan’tshakehowI’mbeginningtofeelabouthim,butatwhat

pointdoItrytoprocesshowI’vefeltforyearsandtrytocomparethattowhatI’vebeenexperiencing

withLevithepastweekorso?

“Drinkwithme.MaybewhenLevicomesdownwecanallgettoknoweachotheralittlebetter.

Sincewe’vemissedoutonsomuchofeachother’slives.”Heleavesmestandingbymyselfonthisside

ofthebarwhilehepoursanotherdrinkforbothofus.

“Isyourplantogetmedrunk?”

“Andwhatifitis?Truthtendstocomeoutwhensomeonehasliquidcourage.”Hewatchesme

closelyashereachesoverthebaronceagain,handingmemyglass.“Somethingtellsmeyou’llreact

differentlyafteranotheroneofthese.”IwonderifNoahisonlyactinglikethisbecausehe’smadatLevi

forwhatwe’vebeendoingandthisishiswayatrevenge.

MaybehehopesI’llgiveinandthenhecanrubitinLevi’sfacewhilehethrowsmeouttothe

worldaloneonceagainbecausehecan’thandleourconnection.Whoknowswhathe’supto,butIcan

handleafewdrinksandremainclearheaded.HehasnoideawhatI’vebeendoingwithmylifeifhe

thinkstwodrinkswillhavemespillingallmysecrets.

TheonlythingIknowisIcan’tloseLevirightnow.Hemakesmefeelsecureandsafeandthat’s

somethingIhaven’thadinmylife.It’ssomethingI’mnotwillingtolose.

“I’mnotoneofyourlightweightfloozies,Noah.Icanholdmyown.Youpressuringmeinto

drinkingwon’tchangemydilemma.”Iwon’tgointohowmuchI’mstartingtocareaboutLevi;hewon’t

believemeanyway.WithNoah,everythingisabouthimsohewon’tunderstandhowI’mfeeling,evenifI

trytoexplainittohim.

“I’mhearingachallenge!”Leviyellsoutfromthestairsbeforeheentersthekitchentojoinus

again.

“That’swhatI’vebeensaying.”NoahlookstoLeviasifhe’llhelpencouragemetodrink.

“Maybeweshouldhitthegolfcourseforalittleroundofglowinthedark,liketheolddays.”Noah

smilesthesecondthewordscomeoutofLevi’smouth.

“Havefun,boys.Thisgirlstilldoesn’tplaygolf.”

“I’llteachyou.”Levitoweldrieshismessyhairwhilehisblueeyesworktoconvincemetodo

anythinghesays.

“Yeah,hecanteachyou.”Noahthrowsbackanothershotbeforehewalksoutoftheroom.“I’llcall

Mikeandtellhimwe’llbeonthegreensohedoesn’tsendthecopsouttogetusliketheolddays.”

“Isheharassingyou?”

“IcanhandleNoah.”Levimovescloseenoughthathisscenthitsmejustbeforehepopsthetowel

towardmyleg.

“Neversaidyoucouldn’t.”HeturnstofacemeasIrushtostandandretaliatewiththehandtowel

fromthebar.

“Notthedick.Notthedick.”Hestuttersandstandssolidwithhishandscoveringhim,butallowing

metohithiminthelegbeforehegrabsmeinabearhug,swingingmearoundtheroomafewtimes.

“You’reinsane.”

“Youjustrealizingthis?”Hestopsspinningus,pullingmeagainsthisbarechestandallowingme

toinhalehissexyscentalloveragainwhilehekissesme.HishandsbegintogropemeandallIcanthink

aboutisthechanceofNoahcomingintoseethisandwhathe’dsay.

“YoushouldgowithNoah.Ithinkitwouldbegoodforthetwoofyoutospendsometime

together.”Hegripsbothofmyarmsandpullsmeawayfromhischest.

“Notachance.IonlyagreedtodothisbecauseIwanttospendmoretimewithyou.Ifyouwantto

ditch,I’dbemorethanhappytospendtimewithyouinmybedroom.”

“Levi,IfeelbaddoingallofthisinNoah’shouse.MaybeIshouldtrytogetahotelorsomething

foraweek.”

ChapterFifteen

Noah

IfIhavetowatchhimwraphisarmsaroundheragain,Imaydrivethisfuckinggolfcartstraight

intothewater.

“Lineitupandjusttapit.You’vegotthisone.”Itrytoencouragefromthecart,hopingtogivehis

overlyattentiveassabreakfromgrindingupagainstheronthisshot.

Sheglaresoveratme.IknowshecantellI’mirritated.Hell,Levimustknowtoo,unlesshe’sjust

anidiot.Myguessishedoesn’tgiveashitandactuallyenjoysseeingmeraginglikealunatic.

“Allright,youdrinkagain,Kali.”She’sstartingtoslurherwordsandhasquicklymovedintothe

nogozoneforwhatIwashopingtoaccomplishtonight.

ShewassupposedtogettipsyandthenI’dgethertostarttalkingandshe’dtellushowshetruly

feels.I’mreadytogetLevioutofthepicturewhenitcomestoKali.She’smineandshealwayshasbeen

andthat’ssomethinghehasknownforyears.

“I’mdone.Ican’thitthatlittleballwhenI’msober.I’llbedrinkingateveryholeifwekeepthis

up.”

“Ifyouwantmetodrinkforyouontherestoftheholes,Iwill.Justrememberyouhavetodeal

withthewhiskeydickwhenwegetback.”IttakeseverythinginsidemenottorunhimoverasIwatchhim

slapherontheassandIhavetohearherlaugh.Fuckallofthis.Inevershould’vecameoutherewith

themtonight.Leviisn’tgoingtostepasideeasilyonthis,he’smakingthatveryclearwitheverymoment

thatpasses.

It’stheeighteenthholeandLeviisablubberingdrunk.Sheseemstobesoberingupsome,butat

thispointI’vejoinedinjusttodullthesharpnessofthebanterbetweenthetwoofthem.

“Fuck,I’mdrinkingagain.”Leviliesinthegrassafterhislastshot.Heknowshe’sdonefor.

“Noah,I’mwatchingyou.”Ihearhiscomment,butignoreitasIhelphimup.

“Comeon.I’llgetusbacktothehouse.”MyhousesitsnearthegolfcourseandMikewon’tmindif

Iborrowthecarttillmorning.Icangothroughthefieldthiswayandstayofftheroads.

IsithimonthebackseatwhilesheslidesinnexttowhereI’llbesitting.“Thiswasfun.”Themoon

lightsupherface,allowingmetoseehersmile.ForabriefsecondI’mfrozen,justtakingeverything

aboutherin.

“Noah,whatareyoudoing?”Iwatchherlipssaymynameandfightlikehelltokeepfromkissing

her.IwagewaronmyselfforthethoughtsgoingthroughmyheadandwishIcouldbetheguythattakes

whathewantsanddoesn’tgiveashitabouttheconsequences.IknowifIdoanythingtonight,she’llnever

forgivemeandthat’snotsomethingI’mreadytodealwithagain.

“Takingyouhome.”Shedoesn’tsayawordonthewaybacktothehouse.Idriveinsilenceandtry

tosortthechaosgoingoninmymind.She’sthewomanI’vealwayslovedandI’velostherbecauseI’ve

beenafraidmyentirelifeofwhatotherpeoplewouldthink.I’vebeenmiserablemakingotherpeople

happy.

Iparkthecartinmyparkingspotandshestaggersintothehouse,leavingLeviformetotakein.I’m

halfdragginghimtothecouchwhenIhearherthrowingupinthebackbathroom.

“Kali,areyouokayinthere?”

“Goaway,Noah.”She’shurlingbeforeshefinishessayingmyname.Iopenthedoortoherhugging

thetoilet,herhairhangingallaroundherface.

“Fuck.I’mnotgoodatthisshitKali.”Ipullherhairbackandwaitforhertofinishthrowingup

beforeItossheratowelandhelpherup.“I’mgoingtoputyouintheguestbedroomdownheretonight.

He’spassedoutonthecouchalready.”Shenods,agreeingwithmewhileIhelpheroutofthebathroom

andacrossthehall.

“I’msorryI’msuchapain,Noah.Idon’twanttobe.”Herwordsringinmyearsandithitsmethat

shehasnoideathatI’vealwayswantedherandtheissuesshebringsintomylife.Ihavetotalktoher

again,buttonightisnotthetime.

IhelpherunderthecoversandbeforeIhavethechancetoleavetheroomshesurprisesmewitha

whisper,“Staywithme,Noah.”

“Kali,Ican’t.”

“Please.”Istandoverherasshedozesoffandthenopenshereyesagain,searchingforme.“Noah.

Please.”Eventhoughthisisn’thowIpicturedthetwoofusinbedtogetherforthefirsttime,Islidein

besideher.ShemovesagainstmeandIholdheragainstme.Bothofusfullyclothedandatleastoneofus

havingaheartslammingmoment,realizingwhat’sbeenmissinginlife.

ChapterSixteen

Kali

IwakeupwrappedinNoah’sarms,feelingmoreguiltthanIthoughtpossible.WhathaveIdone?

MythoughtstrytowraparoundthepossibilitythatLevisawusandwhatI’dsaytohim.

SlidingoutofbedslowlyiseasierthanstayingquietwhileIgathermythings.Ihavetogetoutof

thishouse.I’msuffocatingmyselfwiththesetwomenandIdon’tknowhowtoallowmyselfachanceto

breathe.

IopenthefrontdoorwithmybagsdrapedovermyshouldersknowingIcan’tcomebackhere

again.It’sbestforallofus.ThewayI’mhandlingthingsrightnowisn’thealthyformeoreitherofthem

forthatmatter.

Theneighborhoodisquietsoit’seasytohearthedooropenbehindme.It’safifty-fiftyguessasto

whoitis,butIdon’tturnaroundtolook.Ican’tfaceeitherofthemrightnow.

“Kali.”Noah’sdeepgrumbleslidesovermyskinlikeitalwaysdoes.

“Noah,don’ttrytostopme.TellLeviI’llreturnhistruckassoonasIcangetaloaner.”

“Tellhimyourself.I’mnotwastingpossiblymylastfewsecondswithyoutalkingabouthimorhis

things.”Ifacethedoortothetruck;it’sbetterifIdon’tlookathim.He’salreadytormentingmeenough.

Whateverhe’sabouttosaywillonlymakewhatI’mgoingthroughworse.

Heholdsthedoorclosedwithhispalmovermyheadlikehealwaysseemstodo.“Weneedto

talk.”

“We’vesaidenough.IneedtothinkandIcan’tdothatwiththetwoofyousuffocatingme.”

“Wherewillyoube?”Hisvoiceislouderthistimeasheleanscloser.

“I’mnotsureyet.I’lltextyoubothandletyouknow.”Heslideshishanddownmyside,forcingmy

eyesclosedwhileItakeinwhathe’sdoingtome.

“HowwillIknowyou’resafe?”Hedropshishandstohissideandtakesastepback.

“I’mnotyourworry,Noah.Icanhandlemyself.”Iopenthedoorandthrowthelastbagintothe

seatbeforeIturnaround.

“Ineversaidyoucouldn’t,butthatwon’tstopmefromworryingaboutyoubeingsafefromthat

psychoticneighborofyours.”

“Thankyouforallowingmetostayatyourhouse.”Beforehehasachancetostopmeorsay

anythingtomakemechangemymind,Islideinandclosethedoor.HewatchesmeleaveandImake

myselfstoplookingintherear-viewmirrorasIpullaway,hopingIdon’tregretthisoneday.

Noah

She’soutofherfuckingmindifshethinksI’mjustgoingtoletherleavewithoutsayingwhatIneed

tosay.Iturntofollowheronlytofindmytruckisstillatthegolfcourse,leavingmewithonlythiscartto

chaseherdownwith.

Callmecrazy,butI’mnotthinkingthatwouldbethebestwaytomakemypointandwinherover.

IdrivethecartbacktoMikeandgetmytruckbeforeIgobacktothehousetotakeashower.The

waterwashesovermeandallIcanthinkofishowshefeltagainstmeinbedlastnight.Howhersmile

andthesoundofherlaughtermadetheentirenightperfect.

I’mpullingashirtovermyheadwhenLevipassesmydoorway.“Where’sKali?”

“She’sgone.”

“Whatdoyoumeanshe’sgone?Whatthefuckdidyoudo?”Hisfirstthoughtistoblameme,just

likeitshouldbe.

“Shesaidsheneededspaceandshe’dreturnyourtruckassoonasshecould.”He’spullingouthis

phonebeforeIcansayanythingfurtherandIdon’tstophim.Ifhecanconvincehertocomeback,then

that’llmakeiteasieronmetohavethechancetotalktoher.

Levi

Igethervoicemail.IfeellikedogshitbecauseIdranksomuchlastnight.Thishangoverisn’t

helpingmethinkaboutwhatI’mgoingtosaywhensheanswers,butitdoesn’tstopmefromobsessively

callingheroverandoveragain.

Ontheseventhcallsheanswers,“Levi.Please.”

“Pleasewhat?Letyougetrapedbythatfuckingdickneighborofyours,notachancesweetheart.

GetyourassbacktothishousebeforeIfireupmybiketocomefindyou.”

“Ineedspace.YoutwoaresmotheringmetodeathandIneedtothink.”

“What’stheretothinkabout?Theonlythingyouneedtobeworriedaboutrightnowisyourdamn

safety.Whereareyougoing?”IfirebacksoundingmoreirritatedthanImeanto.Thisfuckinghangover

isn’thelpingthisconversationgoassmoothlyasitshouldbe.

“IwasjustgoingtodriveuntilIfoundaplacetostop.Thoughtmaybetheopenroadcouldallow

mesometimetoprocesseverything.”Icanfeelherpullingawayfromme.IthastobeNoah.

“I’llgowithyou.”

“Levi.You’reoneofthereasonsIneedtothinkandIcan’tdothatwithyouaroundme.”

“Igetthat.JustcomebackhereandI’llgiveyouallthespaceyouneed.Youcanstayintheguest

bedroomandIwon’tbotheryouaslongasIknowyou’resafe.”Myoverwhelminginstincttoprotecther

isonoverdriverightnow,nothankstowhatmybuddiesfoundoutabouttheneighbor.“Look,youcan’t

underanycircumstancesgotoyourhousealone.Ineedyoutopromisemeyou’recomingbackhereand

I’llgiveyouwhatyouneed.JustdothisformesoIdon’tgobacktojailmakingsureyou’resafefromthat

fuckeragain.”I’mpullingoffmyclothesasIwaitforherresponse.OnewayoranotherIhavetogetto

herandI’mnotgoingtowastetimeifshetriestomakemeworkforthis.

“Allright.I’llcomeback,butweneedtotalkassoonasIgetthere.”Shesoundsdefeatedandsad.

Itkillsmetohearherstrugglinglikesheisandthere’snothingIwouldn’tdotofixthatforher.

“I’llgetintheshowernow.Textmewhenyou’rehereandI’llcomeouttothetruck.”She

disconnectsthecallandIrushtotakemyshower.IfIdidn’tfeelsomuchlikeass,I’dhaveskippedit,but

itseemstohelpimmensely.

ImakeamaddashtothekitchenandthrowtogetherasandwichandgrabaGatorade,managingto

getitdownbeforeshetextsthatshe’shere.Noahhasn’tmadeanotherappearancebythetimeIheadout

thedoortoseeher.

ShelookslikehellandIgetinslowlyasItrytoeaseintowhateverconversationshewantsto

have.“Thankyouformakingiteasyonme.YouknowIwould’vedriventhisentiretownlookingforyou

ifthat’swhatittook.”

“Levi,youdon’thavetoprotectme.”

“Iknowthat,butIwantto.Thatguyisbadfuckingnewsanduntilhe’soutofthepictureIstillwant

tokeepaneyeonyou.Now,whathasyourunningfrommyhousethismorning?”Shelooksdownatthe

steeringwheelinstantly.

“Ineedtimetothink,likeIsaid.”

“I’llgiveyouthat.I’llgiveyouwhateveryouwant,justcomebackinsideandI’llletyoucometo

mewhenyou’rereadytotalk.”Hereyesarefilledwithtearswhenshelooksupatme.

“Levi,I’velovedNoahforsomanyyearsthatIdon’tknowanythingdifferentandnowyou’ve

somehowcreepedthroughthecracksofmybrokenheart.”Shepausesandswallowshardbeforeshe

continues.“Andnowhe’sdecidedtogiveintothesupposedfeelingshehasaswell,butI’verefused

him.”Iknewthisconversationwascomingwhensheleftthehouseinsuchahurrythismorning.“Irefused

himbecauseofhowIfeelaboutyou.”Iturntoherwithhope,butit’sonlyheartbreakthat’sspreadacross

herface.She’strulytornaboutthisandthatmakesmerealizewhatImustdo.

Ihavetoleaveheralonesoshecandecidewhatshewants.She’sheldontotheslightchancethat

NoahwouldreciprocateherfeelingsforyearsnowandIcan’tbethereasonshedoesn’tgiveherselfa

chancewithhim.Idon’twantherregrettinganythingifshe’swithmeandifthatmeansIstepbackand

giveherthespacesheneeds,thenthat’swhatI’lldo.

WebothsitquietlyuntilIfinallyrespond.“Icareaboutyou,Kali.Andbecauseofthat,Iwantyou

toseeifthere’sanythingbetweenyouandNoah.I’vewatchedthetwoofyouovertheyearsfightthe

temptationsandifyou’rebothfinallyonthesamepage…Icouldneverholdyoubackfromthat.”Ispeak

pastthelumpinmythroatandgiveherwhatsheneedstomoveforward.

“Levi,Idon’tknowwhatIfeel.I’mliterallyallovertheplaceandit’smakingmeinsane.”

“Whosaysyouhavetomakeadecisiontoday?Staywithusatthehouseandtaketimeuntilyou

decidewhatyouwant.”It’llsuckifIhavetosaygoodbyetoherandoutoftheslimchancethatshe’ll

realizewhatwehaveisthebeginningofgreatness,I’mpushingtohaveherstay.

IwantKaliinmylife.Shemakesmesmileandeverythingisfunwithher.She’salwaysbeen

differentthananyotherwoman,Ijustdidn’trealizehowmuchdifferentshe’dbewhenIreallygotto

knowherandhowmuchI’dlovethatdifference.

“Idon’twanttohurtyou.”Shewon’tlookatmethistime,soIreachacrossthetruckandlifther

chinuntilshehasnochoice.

“Lookatme.”Istopatearfromtrailingdownhercheek.“Youwon’thurtme.Iwantyouhappyand

ifthatmeansyou’rewithNoah,thenthat’swhatIwant.”Idon’ttellherthatit’llgutme;shedoesn’tneed

thatbitofinformationweighingonhermind.

“NowcomeinsideandI’llhelpyougetyourstuffsetupinthespareroom.”Webothopenour

doorsatthesametimeandthenIletherfollowmeinside.Noahisinthekitchenwhenwepass,but

neitherofusstoptofillhimin.Ineedtohavealittleoneononetalkwithhimaboutallofthisanyway.

“Youknowwheretofindmeifyouneedanything.”

“Thankyou,Levi.Hereareyourkeys.”SheattemptstohandmytruckkeysbacktomeandIdon’t

ChapterSeventeen

Noah

“Weneedtofuckingtalk.”Levislamshishandonthepatiotable,rattlingmycoffeecupand

everythingelseintheprocess.

“What’syourproblem?”Thesunshinesaroundhisbody,soIcan’tseehisexpression,butIknow

thisisaboutKali.Levidoesn’tgenerallyletanythingbotherhim.Iguessthat’schangednow.

“Myproblemisyourassneedstofigureoutwhatyou’redoing.Therestoftheworldisn’tgoingto

sitbackandwaitwhileyoudecidewhenyou’llallowKaliintoyourlifeornot.I’mfuckingdoneseeing

herhurt,soifthat’swhatyouhaveasagrandplan,changeitnow.”Hesitsinthechairoppositemeand

glareswithanangerI’mnotusedtoseeinginhim.

“WhosaysIhaven’tfigureditout?”

“We’llsee.ButjustknowI’llkickyourassifyouleadherononlytothrowheroutagain.”He

caresabouther.It’swrittenalloverhisface.

“Holyshit.You’renotjustplayingaroundwithher,areyou?You’refallingforKali.”Hestands

abruptly,notlookingatmeagainashewalkstowardtheslidingdoor.

“Allyouneedtoknowisifyoufuckup,I’llbetherereadytosweepinandsaveherwhileIkick

yourass.”HeleavesmesittingbymyselfoutsideandIwonderwhatshesaidtohimexactly.

Itseemslikeshebrokeitoffwithhimtoseewhatcouldcomebetweenus.Itakethelastsipofmy

coffeeandslideinside,hopingtoseeheragain.Thiscouldn’thaveworkedoutbetterformethismorning.

Kali

I’mstillstaringatthedoortomynewroomwhenIhearaquickknockandseeNoahpeekin.“So

youdecidedtostay.”Heopensthedoor,proudlywalkinginwithhisheadheldhighlikehejustwona

competition.

“Forafewdays.”

“Good.It’llgiveustime.”Hesitsontheedgeofmybedandfallsback,watchingmeasImove

aroundtheroom.

“No,it’llgivemetime.JustlikeItoldLevi,Ineedtodosomesoulsearchingandyoutwoarethe

reasonIleftinsuchahurrythismorning.Ican’tbreathewhileyougivemewhiplashandLevidoes

everythingI’veeverwanted.”

“Youcan’tbeseriousaboutLevi.”Iturnquickly,flashinghimasternlookthatshutshimup

quickly.

“He’sbeenamazingandIwon’tletyoutalkshitabouthim.”Hesitsup,raisinghishandsindefeat.

“Fine.He’sagreatguy.Nowlet’stalkaboutme.”He’ssodamnconceitedthatIwanttochokehim.

HowdoIlethimgettomelikehedoes?

“You’reanass.You’vemadethatveryclearovertheyearsandyouhaven’tpulledbackthepast

weekeither.”Hestandsandstalkstowardme,slowlywatchingmetakeastepbackwitheachonehe

takesforward.

“Justremember,youcametome.You’vecreepedintomybedroommorethanoncenow,sodon’t

getpissedatmeforthislittlepredicament.”Hisbreathhitsmycheekashefinisheshissentence.His

mouthisdangerouslyclosetomineashecontinues.“Andnowlookwhereweare.Backtowherewe

werethefirstnightinmybedroomwithyourbackagainstthewallandyoureyesbeggingmetoripyour

clothesoffsoIcanfuckyou.”

“Myeyesaren’tbeggingforanything.”Isteparoundhim,leavinghimstandingbythedooralone.

“YouforgetthatI’veknownyoumostofyourlife.”

“Youforgetthatyouhaven’tbeenaroundmethelastfewyearsandyoudon’tknowmelikeyou

usedto.”Herubshischinandleansagainstthedoorframe,imitatingsomeoneponderingoneoflife’s

greatmysteries.

“You’reright.ItlookslikeI’llneedtochangethatinthenextfewdays.Getashowerandchange.

I’mtakingyousomewhere.”Heswingsthedooropenquicklyandleaveslikeamanonamission.

“Ihavetoworktonight.”

“I’llhaveyouthereintime.NoexcusesKali,getready.”Hisvoicegetsfurtherawaybeforehe

finishes.

Hehasnoboundaries.He’sestablishedthatmanytimes,butthewayhe’sorderingmetoget

dressedoncommand,remindsmeoftheoldNoah.TheonethatIfellforyearsago.

~~~~~~

“Getin.I’mtakingyoutooneofmyfavoritethinkingplaces.Somethingtellsmeyou’llfinditjust

asrelaxingasIdo.”HehasthepassengerwindowdownwhenIstepoutside.

IglanceoverandseethatLevi’smotorcycleisgone.IthoughtIheardtherumbleoftheenginejust

beforeNoahsteppedintomyroom.

“Howfararewegoing?”

“It’sjustafewmiles.”

Webothsitinsilenceasthetreespasswhilehetakesmedowntheroadandintoawoodedarea

thatIdidn’tevenknowyoucouldgobackinto.Thesmallroadisn’tmeanttobetraveledandthefurther

wego,themoreIcantellthisplacewillfeelremoteandgivemethepeaceandserenityIneed.

Theviewisgorgeouswhenwefinallyparkinfrontofasmallwaterfall.Idon’twaitforhimtosay

anythingbeforeI’moutofhistruck,walkingtowardthewater.

I’vealwaysbeendrawntowaterandthat’ssomethingheknows.“Iloveit.”Takingineverythingin

sight,IkeepwalkinguntilI’mattheedge.Hefollowsmeandsitsonalargerock.Hehitstheemptyspace

nexttohimacoupleoftimestogetmetositwithhim.

“Thisplaceisgorgeous.Andsoquiet.Youwererightaboutmelikingit.”

“See,Iremembertheimportantthingsaboutyou.”IcanfeelhimlookingatmewhileIcontinueto

takeinoursurroundings.“Ievenremembertheexpressionsyoumakewhenyou’rehappy.”Ilowermy

headathiswords.JustwhenIthinkhe’sstillthegiantasshe’salwaysbeen,hedoessomethinglikethis

andsurprisesme.

“Whyareyoubeingnicetome?”Hemovescloserwithmyquestion.

“Let’sjustsayI’vedecidedtogoforwhat’smine.”HiswordssendasurgethroughmychestasI

realizehe’stalkingaboutme.

“Youdon’tgettosaythat.”Hemoveshishandovermybackandslidesmyhairawayfrommyface

beforeheleansinclose.

“SureIdo,Kali.”Heslideshishanddown,thenbackupashesendschillsthroughmybodywith

histouch.Hepullsmyfacetowardhisandbeginskissingme.

He’sbeinggentle,yetdemanding.Likehewantstotakehistime,butexpectsmetomeethimwith

everymovementofhistongue.Hetugsmeontohimasheleansback,guidingmetostraddlehiswaist.

Hishandsmovefastoverme,notallowingtimeformetothinkaboutwhat’shappening.He’sNoah.

Allconsumingandjustasaddictiveashealwayshasbeen.

Heslidesthestrapsdownonmytanktopandliftshisheadtokissmychest.Ilovehowhismouth

feelsonmeandI’mscreaminginternally,hopinghe’llslidethemateriallowerandfocusonmysensitive

nipples.

ChapterEighteen

Noah

Islidehertanktopoffandwatchhernippleshardenasthewindbrushesoverthem.She’sgrinding

herhipsonmywaist,makingmydickhardandthrowingmyrestraintoutofcontrol.

IwanthermorethanI’veeverwantedawomaninmylife.

ShereachesbetweenherlegsandtugsopenthebuttononmyjeanswhileIpullhersopen.Shelifts

offofmejustlongenoughforusbothtodropourjeans,thenweracetogetbackintothesameposition.

Ourlipscrashintoeachother,bothofusbitingandkissinglikethisisourlastchancetolivelife.I

feelherheartracingagainstmychesteventhoughhertitsbrushagainstmeeverytimesherotatesherhips

overme.

Mydickglidesthroughherwetnessafewtimesbeforeshestallsoverme,searchingmyeyes.She

pivotsherhipsandwestareintoeachotherassheslidesdownthefulllengthofmydick.

“Noah.Ohmygod.You.Feel.Sofuckinggood.”She’sbreathy,speakingbetweenthrustsasshe

movesoverme.

ThisiswhatI’vebeenmissingmyentirelife.TheintensitywehavetogetherissomethingI’ve

neverexperiencedandsomethingI’mnotwillingtowalkawayfrom.She’smine.AndsomeoneI’llfight

likehelltokeep.

ThewindblowsthroughherhairandeventhoughI’mfightingtheurgetotakeover,Iholdbackand

justwatchhermoveoverme.Theslowgrindofherhipsandthetightnessbetweenherlegshasmenearly

goinginsane.

Herhandsspreadovermychestallowinghertoshift,sendingmeevendeeperinsideher.

“Kali.Fuck.”Sheliftsanddropsherhipsoverandoveruntilshe’sfrozeninplaceallowingher

orgasmtoracethroughher,practicallyparalyzingherwiththemostsatisfiedexpressiononherface.She

pullsherbottomlipbetweenherteethasshemoansthroughtheendofherrelease.

Onceshefallsonmychestandherhairdrapesoverme,Itakeover.Ispreadbothhandsoverher

asscheeks,givingmethegripIneedtothrustintoherslowly.I’mnotinanyhurryforthistoend,soI’m

makingthemostofeverymoment.

Shestartstokissovermychestandintomyneck,softlybitingeveryonceinawhile.Herskinis

likesilkagainstmineandthescentofherhairisevenbetterthisclose.

Ipullmostofherhairintomygrip,exposingherneckandchesttomewhenItugherbacktolook

atme.“You’remakingmecrazy.I’llneverbeabletoresistyouafterseeingyoulikethis.”Mywordsslip

outandthesmileonherfaceshowsmewhateffecttheyhaveonher.Mydicktakesover,sendingme

thrustinginandoutofherwithafuryuntilI’mforcedtopulloutandsendmyreleaseallthewayupher

back.

ShemanagestogetanotherreleaseinbeforeIfinish,sowebothcometoastoptogether,looking

intoeachother’seyeswhilefightingforthebreaththatseemstoescapeus.Icanfeelherheartracing,

matchingmyownwhileIcomedownfromthehighthatshesentmeto.

“Kali.Iwantyou.Notjustthis,butallofyou.”Mydeepgrumbleseemstostartleherintoreality.

Shesitsupabruptly,lookingshockedbymywords.

“That’swhatyousayrightnow,buthowwillyoubewhenwegobacktotherealworld?”She

movesoffmewithaquicknessthatsendsaboltoffrustrationthroughmybody.

“WhatdoIhavetosaytoyoutomakeyourealizewhatIwant?”

“Idon’tknow,Iguessyourhistorywithkeepingyourwordisn’texactlycleanwhenitcomesto

me.”Sheusesmyshirttodryherbackbeforesheputsherownclotheson.Itossmyshirtovermy

shoulderaftershethrowsitatme.

“That’sinthepast.”

“IguessI’llneedtoseethatyou’vehadachangeofheart.”Shestartspacingthesmallarea,her

facelookinghorrifiedastherealizationofwhatjusthappenedhitsher.“Ican’tbelieveIjustdidthatwith

you.”TearsbegintofalldownherfaceandbeforeIcangettoher,she’scryingoutloud.

“Leviwillhatemeforthis.HowcouldIdothistohim?”

“Wait,youwereveryclearaboutneedingtimetothinkaboutthings.Youtwoaren’tacouple,so

what’stheissue?”ItrytoapproachheronlytohaveherwalkawayfrommethesecondIgetnear.

“Noweweren’tacouple,butthatdoesn’tstopthefactthatIcareabouthim.Idon’twanthimto

everthinkthatIwasusinghimtogettoyou,becauseinallrealityIwasn’t.Ireallylikespendingtime

withhimandI’mnotevensureIwanttostop.Jesus,thismakesmesoundlikeawhore!”Shescreamsthe

lastsentencebeforeshetakesoffstraightforthetruck.

“No,itdoesn’t.Itmakesyousoundlikeaconfusedwomanwhocaresabouttwomen.”Sheturns

abruptlytofacebeanduseshershirttodryherowntears.

“Takemehomeplease.IneedtotalktoLevi.Andsohelpmeifyoutrytobeatmetoit,I’llnever

speaktoyouagain.”

ChapterNineteen

Kali

WhathaveIdone?BeingnearNoahhasbeensomethingI’vewantedmyentirelifeandgiventhe

firstchance,Itakeit,nomattertheconsequencestoothers.ThismakesmeamonsterandI’mterrifiedof

whatLeviwilldooncehefindsout.

Ican’tswallowpastthelumpinmythroatwhileNoahdrivesushome.He’sstillnotwearinghis

shirtandthatirritatesme.“Youhavetoputyourshirton.”

“Excuseme,butI’mnotgoingtoslideonacumfilledshirtjusttokeepyourlittlesecret.I

personallydon’tcareifanyonethinkswejustfucked.”

“Noah.You’renotgoinginsidelikethatifhe’shome.”

“Wellprincess,you’dbetterhopehe’slonggone.”Hisattitudeinfuriatesmeandthelumpinmy

throatturnsintorageboilingatthebaseofmytongue.

“You’resuchanass.”

“Well,I’veneverclaimedanythingdifferentandyouknowthisaboutme,Kali.”

“Iknowtherealyou.Theassistheoneyoushowtheworldjusttokeepfromgettinghurt.”He’s

puttinguphiswallsagain,Icanfeelhim.OnlythistimeI’mnotgoingtoracetotrytogethimtostop.I

justmadethebiggestmistakeofmylifebyfuckinghim.NowIcan’tthinkclearlytoknowifI’mcoming

orgoing.

HowdidIfallfortwomen?Bothsodifferent,yetbothimpactingmejustasstrongly.Ican’tbe

withoneofthemwithoutthinkingoftheother.Thisisnowayformetolivemylifeanditsureashell

isn’tfairtothem.

“Lookslikeyou’resafe.He’snothome.”Islamthedoorofthetruckclosedbeforehehasachance

tofinishhissentence.Idon’thavetobenicetohimwhenhe’sactinglikethis.Infact,ifhecan’tgiveme

thetimetoclearthingsupwithLevi,thenthatspeaksvolumestome.IknowwhereIstand.Imust’vebeen

achallengetohimtogethishandson.HejustwantedtoprovethathecouldpullmeawayfromLeviand

mindfuckmeatthesametime.

“Look,Kali.Thischangesnothing.IstillwantyouandI’llstopatnothingtomakesureyourealize

that.”

“Notnow,Noah.Youdon’tknowwhatyouwant.”Istophalfwayupthestairsandturntolookat

him.“Whydon’tyoureallythinkaboutwhatitisyouwantoutofthisbeforeyoucompletelyturnmy

worldupsidedownonceagain.”AndwiththatIturnandneverlookback.IclosethedoortoLevi’sroom

andtheoverwhelmingrushofguiltsweepsovermewhileItrytogaspforbreath.

“WhathaveIdone?”IslidedownthedooruntilI’msittingagainstit,mytearsfallingfasterthanI

candrythem.I’mwreckedwithshameforallowingmyselftogetintothismessandIdon’tevenknow

howtotalktoLeviaboutwhatI’vedone.

Idon’treallyhavetimetocomeupwithaplanbeforethere’saknockatthedoor.“Kali?”Levi’s

voicesoundsunsureontheothersideofthedoorandmybodyisininstantpanicasIcrawltomyknees

andholditclosed.

“Levi.Ijustneedaminute.”Ihearthesoundofhimslidingdownthedoorontheoppositeside,

pullingmetomatchhisactiononceagain.

“I’vegotalldayifthat’swhatittakes.”He’sbeingniceandifheonlyknewwhyI’mupset,he

wouldn’tbesittingherewithme.

“Youneedtojustwalkaway.I’mnogoodforyou.”

“Whydon’tyouletmemakethatdecision?”Hisvoicecalmsmeeventhoughitshouldn’t.I’mabout

tomakehimseejusthowbadIreallyamforhim.

“Lookatthis.Shewon’tevenletyouinyourownroom.”IstandtheinstantIhearNoah.

“Noah,stayoutofthis!”IyellasIopenthedoor,causingLevitofallbackjustslightlywhenI

surprisehim.LevistandswhenNoahwalksbywithagiantsmileonhisface.Ihavetheurgetofollow

himandslapitrightoffhisface,butchoosetostayandtalktoLevi.

Heclosesthedoorbehindhim,leavingusaloneinhisroomonceagain.“Iknowthishasbeenhard

onyou.Ihadsometimetothinkthisafternoonandwantedtotalktoyouaboutafewthings.”Hestartsin

first,soIhavetointerrupthimquickly.

“Ineedtotellyousomethingfirst.”Heflopsdownonhisbed,lookingmeoverandallowingme

timetotalk.OnlyIcan’tmanagetogetawordoutofmymouth.Idon’twanttoupsethimandthisisonly

goingtodothat.

“Kali,what’swrong?Youhavemeworried.”

There’snoeasywaytodothis,butIknowforafactifIleavethisroomwithoutdoingit,Noahwill

bewaitingtodoitforme.IfIhaveasinglechanceofLevinothatingme,thisneedstocomefromme.

“Pleasedon’thateme.”

“Icouldneverhateyou,Kali.”

“Levi,pleaseletmefinishbeforeyousayanythingelse.IfI’mgoingtodothis,Ineedtosayitall

atonce.”Henodsslowly,obviouslynotassuredhewantstoknowwhatIhavetosay.“I’mcompletely

stuckcaringfortwomen.IcamehereafewweeksagowantingtoseeNoah,thenyoucameoutof

nowhereandshowedmewhatit’sliketobetrulycaredabout.I’vehadsomuchfunwithyouandIcan’t

tellyouhowmuchitmeanstomethatyou’veprotectedmeoverandoveragain.”Istartpacingagain.Not

lookingathimseemstomakethewordscomeouteasier.

“ThenNoahdecidedhewantedtostopfightingeverythinghe’sfeltformeovertheyears.Itoldyou

bothIneedtimetothink,whichiswhyIwalkedawayfromyouthismorning.Icareaboutyouboth,Levi,

yetallIseemtodoisbouncefromoneofyoutotheother.It’snotfairtoyouthatIfeelthisway.Hell,it’s

notfairtome.It’sguttingmeinsidetofeellikethis.”Iswallowhard,knowingthisnextpartisgoingtobe

bittertastingasIsayit.

“IsleptwithNoahtoday.”HesitsupquicklyandtheinstanthurtonhisfaceissomethingIcan’t

missandeventhoughhetriestoshakeitofffast,hedoesn’tsucceed.“Iwentforadrivewithhimtotalk

andwestopped…andonethingledtoanother.”

“Idon’tneedthedetails,Kali.”Hiswordscomeoutinabiteashestandstofaceme.“Idon’t

wanttohearwhathappenswithhim.”Helooksdownwhenhegetsclosetome,avoidingmyeyes

completely.IcanfeelhimhurtingandIhateit.

“Youwantedspacetoseewhattherewasthere,Iknewthat.You’vebeenverystraightforwardwith

me.Honestly,I’msurprisedittookthislongforyoutwotogettothatpoint.”Hefinallylooksatmeinthe

eyesandIletoutthebreathI’vebeenholding.

“Ionlycareaboutwhatyoufeelaboutme.Aboutwhatwehavetogether.Andifyoubeingwithhim

hasmadeyourealizewhatyouwant.”Heslideshishandsdownbothofmyarmswhilewestandfaceto

face.Chesttochest.Eyetoeye.

“IcantellyouIfeltinstantlyguiltyandworriedaboutwhatI’dsaytoyou.Ican’tloseyou,Levi.

You’vebeenafriendtomelikenooneelse.You’vemanagedtobreakthroughallthewallsIputinplace

specificallytokeepeveryoneout.”Heturnsawayfrommebeforehestartstotalk.

“Friend,huh?”

“Nowe’vebeenmorethanfriends,butmostimportantlyyou’veshownmewhatit’sliketohave

someoneloyalonyoursideandI’vedonenothingtorepayyou.I’veonlyhurtyouandbroughtchaosinto

yourlife.”

“Don’tyouthinkIknewthisshitwithNoahwascoming?Healwaysgetswhathewants,tohell

withanythingelse.”Thelookonhisfaceistearingmeupagain.

“Ididthis.Iallowedthistohappen.Idon’tknowwhatI’mdoingfromonesecondtoanotherwith

youtwo.Ononehand,IhavethemanI’vewantedmyentirelifeandtheotherisamanIneverknew

existed.”Iwalkclosertohim,hopinghedoesn’tturnawayfrommebeforeIgettomakemypoint.“A

manIneverknewcouldcareformelikehedoes.Makemefeellovedwithasimpletouch.”Hedoesn’t

turnaway.“It’slikeyou’reteachingmetolovemyself,Levi.Andthat’sconfusingtheshitoutofme.It

makesmerealizemaybesomethingI’vewantedmyentirelifeisn’twhatIneedatall.”

“Kali,I’llletyouhavethespaceyouneedtodecidewhatyouwant,butIwon’tplaygames.”

“Iwon’teither.I’llalwaysgiveyouhonesty.”

“Icandealwiththat.”Hemovesawayfrommeonceagain,andthistimethelookofdisgustisno

longerspreadacrosshisface.

“I’msorry,Levi.”ThelumpistherethesecondIbegintosaythewords.Itrulyamsorryforthe

messI’vemade.

“JustbehonestlikeyousaidandIcanhandleeverythingelse.Iknowyou’reworkingthroughsome

stuff.”Hedoesn’tsayanythingelsebeforehewrapshisarmsaroundme,squeezingmetightly.Westand

stillwhiletherestoftheworldcontinuestoproceed.IcanhearhisheartbeatagainstmyearasIleanmy

ChapterTwenty

Levi

Thingshavebeenawkwardatthehouseforthepastfewdaystosaytheleast.Kalistaystoherself,

rarelycomingoutoftheguestbedroomwhenshe’sthere.

She’sbeentakingextrashiftsattheclubandseemstobeextrafocusedonstayingbusyand

unapproachablewhenI’mthere.She’snodifferentathomeandhaspushedNoahevenfurtheraway.

Theclubisclosedtoday,soshecan’thidefrommeundertheguiseofworktonight.Idon’tlikethis

shitandIwanttotalktoherabouthowthisallwentdown.Igetit.Shefeelsguiltyforbeingcaughtinthe

middleofwhatIwantandwhatNoahistryingtoclaim.

Whatshedoesn’tunderstandis,Iknowitisn’therfault.Iknewgoingintothisthatshehasloved

Noahsincetheywereyoung.She’sneverevenlookedmywayalltheseyears.Whatstartedoutasme

tryingtopushNoahtowardsher,endedupwithmefallingforagirlIhadnointentionsofevenliking.

NowI’mcaughtupinthistriangleofadisasterwhereit’sinevitablethatoneofusisgoingtogethurt,if

notallthreeofus.

Mybestfriendwhoirritatesthefuckoutofme,butnonethelessismyfamily,hasfinallydecided

toletKaligettohim.Bythelooksofhimlately,I’dsayshesucceeded.It’sbeendayssinceI’ve

acknowledgedhim,sotosayshitisstressfulhereisanunderstatement.I’dfeelbetterifIjustknew

whereKali’sheadwas.

I’mstillinbed,afterworkingmostofthenight.It’snearlydarkagain,butI’mcontemplatingwhat

I’lldoonmynightoffwhenthedoorbellrings.Idon’tmove,knowingsomeoneelsewillgetitifIjust

ignoreit.Whenitringsagain,Ithrowoffthecoversandsaunterdownstairs,onlytoopenthedoortoa

pizzabeingheldinmyface.

“PizzadeliveryforKali.”Ilooksurprisedastheguyreachesintohispocketforapen.“Pleasesign

here.”Iforgehersignatureandtakethepizzatothebar.Openingthelidsendsthescentofdelicious

greatnessintomysensesandI’minstantlytemptedtotearintoherpizzawithoutevenasking.Iclosethe

lidandtakethepizzatowardherroom.

Herdoorisclosed,butshemustnothearmyknock,leavingmewithaneasydecisiontoturnthe

knobandgoinanyway.I’mnotgoodwithboundaries;Ineverhavebeen.ThefactthatI’vegivenherthe

spaceshe’sneededsofarhasshockedevenme.So,she’llhavetoforgivemeifpizzaismyundoing.

IsettheboxatthefootofherbedandturnaroundwhenIhearsomethingbehindme.She’sstanding

innothingbutatowel,allowingherwethairtodangleoverherrightshoulderwhilesherunsabrush

throughit.

“Awesome.I’mstarving.”Hereyesmovestraightforthebox.“Doyouwantapiece?”

“Yeah.Itsmellsamazing.”Themixtureofcleanandpizzaswirlintheroomasshepassesme.Her

smellisfamiliarandsuddenlysomethingIcherish.ImissherinmybedandwishIcouldsnapheroutof

herindecisivenesssoIcanspendmytimesweepingheroffherfeetknowingI’mnotconfusingtheshitout

ofherintheprocess.

SheaskedforspaceandI’vegivenherthat,butthatdoesn’tseemtobegettinganyofusanywhere.

Sheslipsbackintothebathroombeforeshestepsoutinatanktopandtinyshorts.Hertitsmoveslightly

asshewalkstowardthebedbeforeshesitsinthemiddleandcrossesherlegs.Thegiantpieceofpizza

shepicksupdoesn’thaveachancewhenshestartsinonit.Istandwatchingherandrealizethismaybe

thesexiestI’veeverseenher.Reallookshotasfuckonher.

“Yougonnastareatmeeatingorjoinme?”Shelooksatmeoverthepieceinherhandbeforeshe

bitesdownonceagain.“Niceunderwearbytheway.Didyoureallyanswerthedoorlikethat?”Ilook

downandseenothingwrongwiththewayI’mdressed.

“Yes,Iansweredthedoorlikethis.TheguyisluckyIwasn’tlyingnakedwhenherang.”She

allowshereyestoslidedownmychestandovermybulgebeforequicklytakingherattentionbacktothe

pizza.

Isitbesideherandsprawloutwithmybackagainsttheheadboardandmylegstakingmostofthis

sideofthebed.Shehandsmeasliceofpizzaandfollowsmylead,leaninginalmostthesamepositionon

herside.

It’safewsecondsbeforeeitherofussayanything.“Isthiswhatyouhaveplannedforyournight

off?”

“Prettymuch,”shesayswithafullmouth.

“Soundsperfecttome.”Well,partiallyperfect.IcouldthinkofafewthingsI’dliketoadd,butI

won’tgothereyet.She’srelaxingaroundmeagainandI’mnotabouttopushherawaywhenIhaveher

likethis.“Hittheremoteandseeifthere’samovieonorsomething.”

Shefindsashowanddropstheremotebetweenusbeforeshegrabsherselfanotherpieceofpizza.

“Youdorealizethisislikefoodporntome.”Ilookoverather,completelydistractedbythewayshe

looksnexttome.

“Levi,thisisnotfoodporn.”

“Ohreally?BecauseI’mturnedthefuckonrightnowandstrugglingtostayonmysideofthebed.”

Well,theregoesthatspaceIwastryingtogiveher.ImaynothavedoveontopofherlikeIwanted,butI

definitelyalteredthemoodasIconsumedherimaginationwiththatporncomment.

“Ithoughtyouweremadatme.”Shesitsupandshiftsinthebedtofaceme.

“I’mnotmad.Justgivingyousomespacelikeyousayyouneeded.”ItakeanotherbitebeforeI

continue.“ButI’mdonewiththatshit.”HereyeschallengemeasIspeak.PlayfullyteasingasIcanfeel

theeffectsofherwatchingmegostraightthroughmybodyandintomydick.

“Thankyouforthespace.”

“Didyougetanywherewiththatspace?Doyouhaveeverythingplannedoutfortherestofyour

life?”Shepicksatthemeatonapieceofpizzasittinginthebox.

“I’mnotanyclearerthanIwasthelasttimewetalked.”Shedanglesapepperonioverhermouth

beforesheuseshertonguetopullitin.Fuckingwithmeevenfurtherandtemptingmetolosemymindand

therestraintallowingmetositbacktowatch.I’mmoreofado’er.Sheknowsthis.

“Well,Ithinkthisspaceshitisoverrated.Ithasn’thelped.Maybeweshoulddothingsmyway.”

Shepopsapieceofsausageinhermouth,chewingitslowlywhileshewaitsformetofinishwhatI’m

saying.

“What’syourway?”

Itossthelastfewbitesofmypizzabackintotheboxandshovetheentirethingtothefloor.Her

eyeswatchitlandperfectlynexttothedresserthenshequicklysquintsinmydirection.Climbingover

her,shefallstoherback,herheadatthefootofthebedwhileIblanketherwithmybody.Ikissher

slowlyasshefollowsmyleadandreturnsthekiss.

“Mmmm.YoutastelikepizzaandcherryChapstick.It’squitethecombination.”Shesmilesunder

mewhileIwrapmylegsaroundherandstraddleherwaist.Isitupandslidemyhandsdownherchest

andoverherarms,causingaheavysilencebetweenthetwoofus.Theintensityisalmostimmediately

suffocatingmeasIwaitforonesinglesignthatshe’sfinewithmeattackingherlikethis.I’mtryingto

makeapoint,butofcourseifshesaysno,I’llstopimmediately.

“Don’tyouthinkyoushouldbebetweenmylegsforthistoworkout?”

“Oh.Isthatwhatwe’redoing?Thisismegivingyouspace.”Idecidetoteaseherjustalittle,even

thoughIwantnothingmorethantodivestraightbetweenherlegsandtakecareofmysexualfrustrations.

“Spacemaybeoverrated.”She’snotsmilinganymoreandIknowIneedtomovequicklytokeep

herwithme.

IslideherarmsoverherheadasIlowermyfacetohers.“IthinkIhavetoagree.Ilikeyoumuch

betterupclose.”

“You’renotsobadyourselflikethis,youknow.”

“Wecouldbeevencloserifyou’dlike.”Shepullsherbottomlipbetweenherteethandstill

managesasmilebeforeIkissherandslidemyownteethoverherlipinstead.

“Mmmm.You’realwayssotempting.”Shemoansandsquirmsbeneathme,nodoubtreadyforme

toslidebetweenherlegsandtakethishome.IadjustmybodysothatI’mbetweenherlegs.

Sheliftsthemup,allowingmetoslidehershortsoffbeforesheturnstoherside.Islideinbehind

herandwithoutanotherthought,I’mballsdeepinsideher,thrustinginandout.Rotatingmyhipsand

holdingheragainstmefeelsperfect.Shefeelsperfectagainstme.Herscent.Hertouch.Eventhesound

shemakesasIinvadeherwithoutapology.

“Fuck,Kali,”Iwhisperintoherneckandgripitwithonehand,usingitasleverageasIpullher

towardsmeoverandoveragain.Ineededthis.IneededherandIhavenoplanstolethergothislong

withoutspendingtimewithheragain.

ChapterTwenty-One

Noah

Thingsaredifferentsinceourdrivetheotherday.She’sbeenavoidingme,buttobefairshe’sbeen

keepingherdistancefromeveryone.I’vebeeninmyownheadtryingtofigureoutwhatI’mdoingand

howIwantthingstobewithher.

I’velovedhermyentirelife.Actually,IlovedthewomanIthoughtshewas.Ihadnoideawhoshe

wasandwhatshewascapableofuntilrecentlyandIhavetosayI’mlovingthisKalievenmore.Ijust

wishIhadn’twaiteduntilshefellformybestfriend.Thisisridiculous.I’mstuckthinkingaboutherbeing

withhimpossiblywhenheshouldn’tevenbeinthepicture.

Thisiswhathappenswhenyoudon’tgoafterwhat’syours.Someoneelsewill.Andyouhavetobe

preparedtodealwiththeconsequences.

I’vebeengoneallday,onpurpose.Iknewshewashomefromworktodayandinsteadofhertrying

tohidefromme,IthoughtI’dmakeiteasyonher.Easyonme.

Itdidn’twork.I’mmoreirritatednowthanIwastostartwith.Iplantotalktohertonight.She

needstoknowwhereIstandbecauseIreallyhaven’ttakenthetimetotellher.It’shardtotellsomeone

somethingwhenyou’renotsureyourself.

It’sfourinthemorningbythetimeIpullintomydriveway.ThehouseisdarkandI’msureshe’s

sleeping,soIpulloutthewhiskeyandsitbythepooltothink.Themoonlightshinesbrightandflickers

acrossthepool,pullingmyattentiontowardsthewaterasIcontinuetodrink.

She’shauntingmeevenasIsitheretryingtounderstandher.Howdiditgettothis?Kalihas

alwaysbeenaweaknessformeandnowitseemsshe’smasteredthattoitsfullest.

IdropbackthelastofmydrinkandpouranotheronebeforeIheadbackinside.Thehouseisquiet.

SoquietthatI’mnotevensureanyoneishere.Levi’struckisgone,sowhoknows.

LeaningonthebarIcontemplatemynextstepwithher.DoIcontinuetoavoidanycontactwithher

inhopesofheronedaycomingtohersensesaboutus?OrdoIgetinherfaceaboutusandforceherto

payattentiontomenowthatshehasmyundividedfocus.

I’veneverbeenonetoskirtaroundshit,sowhyamIdoingthatnow.Swallowingthelastofmy

drink,Idropitinthesinkandheadstraightforherroom.

Ipushopenthedoorandseehercurledupononesideofthebed,withthecoverskickedoffher.

HertinyfigurebarelytakesupanyroomandI’minstantlyitchingtomoveinnexttoher.Iwatchhersleep

forafewsecondsbeforeIclosethedoor.

AsImovecloser,Iquicklydecideit’stimetostopallowinghertoignoremeandI’msureasfuck

abouttodotheoppositeofavoidingher.

Ipullmyt-shirtovermyheadanddropitonthefloorbeforeIcrawlupherbedfromthebottom.

Shedoesn’tbudgeasIrollheroverandslidemyfacebetweenherlegs.Thet-shirtandpantiesshe’s

wearingmakeiteasyformetogetrightintoposition.

Ibitethelacecoveringher,causinghertostartle.“Youscaredme.”Imovehershirtandblow

slowlyacrossherstomachuntilsheliftsherhipsjustslightly.

“Sorry.”Pullingherpantiesdownherlegs,Isitupandunbuttonmypants.Iwastenotimepulling

mydickoutandthere’snoneedtodoanythingtogetmehard.I’malreadythere.

“Noah.Ihavetotellyousomething.”

“Notalking.Justletmetakecareofyou.”IslidemyhandsuphersmoothlegsuntilIhaveherass

inmyhands.Liftingherhips,IlickherpussyoncebeforeIsuckherclituntilshe’swrithingagainstmy

face.ShegripsmyhairandholdsmeinplacewhileIworkherover.Takingnoteofeverysoundshe

makesalongwitheverysquirm,IbegintolearnwhatmakesmyKalitickinthebedroom.Whatmakesher

crazyandwhatleavesherindifferent.

IquicklyfindthatsheprefersmymoreaggressivetendenciesandwhenItakethingsalittlefurther

thanthebasic.Shelikesitroughandthatthrillsthefuckoutofme.

Herdeathgriponmyhairforcesmetopleasureheruntilshe’sgrindingherselfthroughanorgasm

fromtheeffortsofmytongue.Imoveoverherandtakeahandfulofherhair,quicklynoticingthe

dampness.ShesmellsofshampooandthatmakesmewishIwould’vemadeanappearancejustahalfan

hourearlier.Thatshowercould’vebeenamazing.

“Haveyoubeendrinking.”Shesmellsthewhiskeyonme.

“IhadtwodrinkswhenIgothome.”Imovebetweenherlegs,mydicksinkinginasshewrapsher

legsaroundmyass.“Iwasthinkingaboutyou.”

“Ohyouwere.”SheletsoutabreathwhenIthrustallthewayin.

“Yes.IwastryingtodecideifIshouldleaveyoualoneorremindyouwhyweshouldbetogether.”

Ithrusthardanddeep.Slowandprecise.

IholdherinmyarmsasImoveinandoutofher,kissingherasIdo.

“Thoughtyousaidnotalking.”IbiteherneckasIdriveintoheragain.Shemoansandsqueezesher

legstheharderIbite.“Ahh.Fuckkkk.”Shelikesit.Thewayshesaysfuckprovesit.

Wecontinueforhours.ThesunbeginstoshinethroughthecurtainsbeforeIdecidetostopgiving

herorgasmafterorgasm.We’rebothdrenchedinsweatasIbegintofuckherrelentlesslyallowingmy

ownreleasetogoovertheedge.Irollusoverandpullheragainstme,inhalingherscentagain.

Shewigglesagainstme,findingthatperfectspotthatwefitthebestbeforeshepullsmyarmacross

herchestandholdsittight.“IloveyouKali.”I’mwhisperingthewordsbeforeIhavethechancetothink

aboutthem.“I’vealwayslovedyou.”

Kali

I’vethoughtaboutthisverysituationmostofmylife.Whatwoulditfeelliketohavehimholdme?

Havehimtreatmelikehecan’tkeephishandsoffme,thenpullmeinandtellmehelovesme.

Theonlyproblemis…I’minlovewithtwomenatthesametime.JustwhenIthinkIcanchoose

oneovertheother,theyconfusemealloveragain.Thisisn’thealthyforanyofus.I’mturningintoa

whoreallowingthembothtofuckmeinthesameday.ThankgodIhadshoweredafterLevileft,butIfeel

anythingbutclean.

Ihavetoleave.Ihavetoslipoutofhereandneverlookbackbecausethethoughtofhavingtosay

goodbyetoeitherofthemisn’tanoption.

Slippingoutofbed,IglancebacktolookatNoah’snakedbody.He’sjustasgorgeousasI

imaginedhe’dbe.Thewayhetreatedmetonightwasperfect,butsowasthewayLevifuckedme.Levi

spenttimewithme,laughingandjoking,butstillfuckingmesenselessoverandover.

ThenNoahcomesinanddoesthesame.I’mnearlysicktomystomachthinkingaboutwhatI’ve

becomewhenIgrabmythingsandslipoutthedoor.ThehouseisquietandIleaveitthatway.Icallacab

tomeetmeatthedinerjustdowntheroad.

ThisisthebestthingIcoulddoforallofus.ForLevi.ForNoah.AndForme.

I’vedecidedtogohome.IknowI’llfacetheneighborfromhellandI’lllosethatfeelingofsafety

I’vegrownaccustomedto,butIcan’tdealwiththepullandpushcrapI’vebeendoingwithbothNoah

andLevi.

ThetruthisIcan’tdecidewhichoneIwanttobewith.I’vetried.I’vebeenthinkingaboutbothof

themsinceIwalkedbackintothathouse.WhatI’vedonetothemandmyselfisunforgivable.

IthoughtNoahwastheloveofmylifeandnowI’mnotsureIwasn’tdestinedtohavetwo.The

problemis,they’reatthesametime.Ican’tchoose.Andratherthanbreakingmyhearttosaygoodbyeto

oneofthem,I’dratherfacethedangerofthepsychoticneighborfromhell.

I’vebeensavingeverypennyI’vemadetogetmeacar.Idon’thaveenoughtobuyoneasniceas

myJeep,butit’llhavetogetmesomethingtogetaroundin.MyleaseisupintwomonthsandI’llmove

intoanewhousethen.

Ijustneedtoworkconstantlyandkeepfocusedonmovingforward.LeviandNoahwillhaveto

understandthatIcan’tbearoundthemanymore.It’stoohardandI’mbecomingconsumedinguilt.It’s

killingme.

TearsslidedownbothmycheeksassoonasIsitinthecab.Thedrivetomyhouseisquickand

beforeIcompletelyloseit,I’minsidewiththewaterrunninginmyshower.

ProofofLevibeingherewithmeisstillinmybedroomwiththebedtorealltohell.Istripthebed

andtossitallinthewasherbeforeIstepintotheshower,gaspingforairasIremovethemfrommylife

completely.

MyheartachesasItakeintheoverwhelmingemptinessIfeelnowthatI’mawayfromthem.The

voidissuffocatingmeasthewaterrushesovermyfaceandIcanbarelybreathe.BeforeIknowit,I’m

squattingwithmylegstuckedagainstmychestallowingthehotwatertowashawaythetearsthatfall.My

gutturalcriesechointhebathroom,onlymakingmesoundmorepatheticthanIfeel.

Iremainthiswayuntilthehotwaterrunsout.Whenthecoldtakesover,I’mnolongerabletocry.

ShiveringtakesoverandIfightthroughitandjustaccepttheshocktomybody.Thisisbetterthanfeeling

alltheagonyIwasbefore.

WhenIcan’ttakeanothersecondofthecold,Icrawltothefaucetandturnoffthewater.My

breathingisrapidasItrytoregainthewarmthIlost.Thetowelinmyhairandtherobearoundmybody

onlydoessomuchtohelp.

Icatchaglimpseofmyselfinthemirrorandhavetostopandlookagain.IlookasbadasIfeeland

that’saproblembecauseIneedtobeatworkinacoupleofhours.Ifeitherofthemshowuptoaskme

questions,Idon’twantthemtothinkIregretmydecisiontoleave.It’sapparentneitherofthemaregoing

tomakethiseasyonme,soIneedtobereadytostandmyground.

OnethingI’velearnedaboutthembothistheyarestubborn,buttheyarealsobothprotective.

That’ssomethingI’vealwaysknownthough.Itjustseemstohavecomeoutinfullforcelatelywith

everythinggoingoninmylife.

Iforcemyselftoputonmakeupanddomyhair,hopingthatwillmakemefeelhalfalive.Themusic

inthebackgroundhelpsslightlyuntilasongcomesonthatremindsmeofLevi.Irushtoturnitoffand

fightbackthetearsthatstarttosurfaceagain.

Glancingatmyphone,Icanseethatthey’rebothawakenow.Messageaftermessageandmissed

callslineupmyscreenfrombothofthem.IrefusetoreadanyofthemandIsuredon’thaveitinmeto

listentothevoicemessagesthey’veleft.

Icallthecabserviceearly,hopingifI’matworkthey’llbothleavemealone.That’llgivemetime

togetthestrengthuptopushthembothbackwhentheyapproachmetocomeback.Ican’tevensaywhoI

thinkI’llseefirstafterthewaytheybothactedyesterday,butIknowtheywon’tgiveupuntilthey’vesaid

theirpeace.

Myshiftendsearlytonight,whichwillgivemetimetogethomeandsettledinbeforeitgetsdark.I

lookaroundthecurtainasIwaitformyride,studyingtheneighbor’shouse.Everythingisfrozeninplace

asIlookforanysignsoflifeoverthere.Therearen’tanyvehiclesinhisdriveway,soIcanonlyassume

he’snotthereeither.

Ionlyallowedmyselfaquickglancewhenthefirstcabdroppedmeoff,wantingtogetinside

beforehedroveoff.Myhouseissecure,evenmoresosinceLevihadanewsecuritysysteminstalled.I

guesshefeltbetterknowingifIevercamebackhere,I’dbeprotected.

Therumbleofanenginegetslouderandmyheartbeginstobeatrapidly.Ilookintheneighbor’s

drivewayexpectingittobehim,butit’sstillempty.Itonlytakesafewsecondsandtheknobonmydoor

isbeingturned.“Kali.I’mcomingin.”It’sLevi.BeforeIhaveachancetosayanythingbacktohim,he’s

standinginmylivingroom.

“Whatthefuck?Youhaveakeytomyhouse?”

“Yes.I’mnotfuckingaroundwiththatassholenextdoor.ItoldyouIdon’twantyoustayinghere.”

He’slividashepacestheroom.

“Levi.Ican’tdothisanymore.You’rebothmakingmecrazyandIdon’tlikewhoI’vebecome.”

“Don’tberidiculous.You’reperfectandI’vewatchedyousmilemoreinthepastfewweeksthan

youprobablyhaveinyears.”

“I’mnotperfect.DoyounotknowthatIsleptwithNoahanhourafteryouleftmybed?Whatdoes

thatmakeme,Levi?”I’myellinghystericallywhenmycabpullsup.Levistepsbackinshockbeforehe

triestomovetostopmefromleaving.“No.Don’ttouchme.ItoldyouIcan’tdothisanymore.Letmego,

Levi.”

Thelookonhisfacebreaksme.Iturnquickly,becauseifIstayanylongerI’lllosewhatlittle

controlIhaveovermyemotions.“Lockthedoorwhenyouleave!”IyellbackasIpracticallyruntothe

carwaitingforme.He’sglaringatmeasthecabpullsawayandeventhoughIshouldfeelbetterabout

gettingawaythateasily,Iknowhe’llbebacktomakehispoint.

ChapterTwenty-Two

Levi

She’simpossible.Puttingherselfindangerbecauseshe’scaughtupinamesswiththetwoofus.I

knowwhatIneedtodo.ThiscanonlybesettledafterItalktoNoah.Hecan’twantthisforher.I’venever

seenhermoretornthanshewasjustnow.

IlockupherhouseandcallGreg.He’sthefriendI’vehadwatchingthisfuckingneighborofhers.

Luckily,Heanswersonthefirstring.

“Tellmeyouhavehiminyoursights.”

“Suredo.Alsohavesomefootageofhimbreakingintoahouseafewstreetsover.I’msendingthat

toafriendofmineontheforce.Heshouldbeoutofyourhairsoon.”

“Nicework.Keepmepostedtoday.Kalihasmovedbacktoherhouse,soI’llneedtoknow

everythingthathappenstoday.”Shedoesn’tknowI’vehadthisguytracked.ItwassomethingIhadtodo.I

couldn’thandlethethoughtofthisguycomingaroundher.Somethingtellsmehe’lltrytoproveapointif

heevergetshishandsonher.

“Willdo.”GregisaguyIknewfromtheclub.Hestartedhisownsecuritycompanyafewmonths

agoandwasthrilledtogetmycall.Iknewhe’ddowhatittooktogetthatfuckeroutofKali’slife.

Iknowshe’sheadedtowork.She’llbesafethere,soI’mgoingtospendthenextfewhourstrying

toreasonwiththeonlyotherpersonwhodoesn’tseemtolistentomewhenItalk.Thisshouldbefun.

He’srushingdownthestairswhenIopenthedoor.Hestopstolookatmefranticallybeforehe

startsaskingquestions.“Didyoufindher?Isshesafe?”

“Yes.She’satwork.Mikejusttextedmesayingshecameinearly.”Hemovesatanormalspeed

downtheremainingstepsandfollowsmeintothelivingroom.Isitonthecouchandwaitforhimtositin

thechairacrossfromme.

“Soyoufuckedherlastnight.”Hestandsabruptly,angerspreadingacrosshisface.

“WhatIdowithherisnoneofyourfuckingbusiness.”

“Itiswhenitcauseshertorunoutofhere,straighttowardafuckingsickothatlivesnearher.”Iput

myarmoverthebackofthecouchwhileheslowlysitsdownagain.“Shemadeitmybusinesswhenshe

toldmethroughhertears,sayingthatshehadbeenwithyouanhourafterIleftherbed.”Hesquintshis

eyesatme,processingwhatI’vejustsaid.

“She’stornbetweenthetwoofus.Icouldtellbythewaysheranfromherhousetokeepfrom

havingtolookmeintheface.”Heplaceshiselbowsonhiskneesandleansforwardinathinking

position.

“Wehavetomakethiseasyonher.Oneofusneedstowalkaway.”

“Justwhodoyousuggestdoesthat?”HestandsagainwhenIquestionhismotives.

“She’salwayslovedme.”

“Andyou’vealwayspushedheraway.”Iinterrupthim,onlytohavehimdothesamerightbackto

me.

“Let’snottalkabouthowidioticI’vebeenovertheyears.Ithinkwecanbothadmittostupid

movesinourpast.”

“Icareaboutherandcan’tstandseeingherlikethis.”IswallowaroundmywordswhileIrealizeI

juststoppedmyselffromsayingthatIloveher.That’ssomethingIshouldsaytoherbeforeIsayitto

anyoneelse.

“I’velovedheraslongasIcanremember.”Hesaysitasifhe’sbeenaSaintalltheseyearsand

deservesher.

“Wecansithereandhaveapissingcontest,orwecandosomethingtohelpherfindthathappiness

again.Shedeservesthat.”

“Itseemslikeshecan’tmakeadecisionwhenitcomestothetwoofus.”Noahmovestothe

kitchenandpourshimselfadrink.Itakeminebackassoonashehandsittome.“SoIguesswedoneed

tomakeiteasyonher.”

“Howexactlydoyouplantodothat?”IknowwhatIwanttosuggest,butI’msurehewon’tlikemy

idea.

“Youcandisappearandmakemylifeeasy.”Hisevilsmilehasmetryingtodecideifhe’sbeing

seriousorifhe’sjusttestingme.”

“Oryoucouldgobacktobeingyourassholeselfandpushherawaylikeyou’reboundtodosoon

anyway.”Hestopssmilingandstaresatmeasifhe’sjustnowrealizingthatIdon’thaveanyintentionof

steppingbackonthisone.

“Areyouwillingtowalkawaytoallowhertobehappy?”HespeakstomeasifIhaven’talready

contemplatedthisexactscenario.“Becauseifthat’swhatittakes,I’llgo.”Hesurprisesmewithhis

statement.Ididn’texpecthimtobeselflesswhenitcamedowntoit.It’shonestlynotinhisnature.

“Seemsasthoughwewouldbothgotoextremestomakeherhappy.”Iwalkbackintothekitchen

andrefillmyglasswithwhiskey.“Sohowdowechoose?”

“Weneedtospendtimewithhertogether.We’llbeabletotellwhoshe’sdrawntomoreandthe

otheronewillneedtodisappearoncewedecide.”Ithrowthatoutthere,knowingit’llstillbedifficultto

decide.She’sdrawntobothofusandIcanseeherhappyjusthangingoutwithbothofusatthesame

time.ButIguessthat’lldependonhoweasyitistoconvincehertomeetwithusatall.Shemaybepissed

andmakeitimpossibletoseewhatshewants.“She’sdeterminedtostayawayfromus.”

“Well,thenwegotoher.Whenhaveweeverwaitedforanythingtocometous?”Ilikehowhis

mindisworkingandIknowinstantlywhatwehavetodo.“We’llbeatherhousetonightwhenshegets

there.Thisisit.Winnertakesall.”Hewalksoutoftheroomlikehe’sonamissionandmymindinstantly

beginstothinkabouthowtheeveningwillgo.

Ineedtocallintowork.There’snowayinhellI’mmissingasinglesecondofthisnight.Ineedto

ChapterTwenty-Three

Noah

Iknewsomethingwaswrongwithherlastnight.Iwantedtoleaveallthestressbehindusand

enjoymytimewithher,butitseemsasthoughitjustcausedtheproblemstogrowandnowshe’smoved

out.

Levisaidhecaresabouther,butIknowwhathewasreallytryingtosay.Hehasn’tbeenthesame

sinceshecameintothishouse.Foronething,hehasn’tbroughtasinglewomanhomesinceshecameinto

ourlivesagain.Thatalonespeaksvolumesaboutwherehe’satinhishead.I’veknownhimlongenough

tosayhe’susedtofourorfivewomeninaweekattimes.Helikestoplayandthat’ssomethingthat

stoppedthesecondshearrived.

WhatpissesmeoffthemostisIcanseeshefeelsthesameabouthim.Thewayshelooksathimis

thewaysheusedtoonlylookatme.NowI’msharingthoseperfectexpressionswithmybestfriend.

Ihaveonlymyselftoblame.IfIwould’veallowedmyselftobetruetohowIfeltthatfirstnight,

noneofthiswouldbehappening.Thiswouldallbegoinginacompletelydifferentdirection.Whoknows,

Imayhaveendeduppushingherawayafteradmittingmyfeelings,justlikeIalwayshave.Maybeseeing

thetwoofthemtogetherhasmademefightforwhatIdeserveforonceinmylife;whichwaswhatLevi

wasscreamingatmetodo.MaybeIjustdon’twanthimtohaveherifIcan’t.I’vealwaysbeenonefora

challenge.

ThehotwaterfeelsamazingasIshowerandthinkabouthowIwanttonighttogo.Weneedittobe

asnormalaspossible.Stayinandcooktogether,maybewatchTVorplaysomegames.Thebestwayto

reallyseehowshefeelsistogethertipsyandseewhatshesays.I’vealwayssaidthere’satruthtowhat

peoplesaywhenthey’reundertheinfluence.

Ifinishmyshowerandgetreadyquickly,knowingthere’salotIwanttodotoday.Thefirstwillbe

checkingoutthatfuckingneighborofhers.IfIenduphavingtobetheonetowalkawayfromallofthis,I

wanttomakesureshe’ssafe.

LeviisstandinginthekitchenwhenIgodownstairs.“I’mgoingtogetstufftocookoutonthegrill,

doyouneedanythingfromthestore?”IdecidetolethimknowwhatI’veplannedforthenight.“Ifigured

wecouldjustchillatherhouse.Dotheshitnormalpeopledoanddrinkalittle.It’sprobablylong

overdueforusagainanyway.”Henodsatmeascheckshisphone.

“Ihavethatfuckerundersurveillance,he’sabouttobehauledofftojailforbreakingintoahouse

justdowntheroadfromKali’s.I’mnotsureifit’llhappenbeforeshegetshomeornot,sowecan’tbe

lategettingoverthere.”

“Maybeoneofusshoulddriveherhome.I’dliketoseehimcomeinwithusthere.Imightactually

enjoyrippingouthisinsidesafterthewaythisdayisgoing.”Helooksupatmeandsmilesasifhecan

relate.I’mguessinghecan.

“I’llgetherfromtheclubandmeetyouoverthere.”Hepushesoffthecabinetandfollowsmeto

thedoor.“Tonightisthenight.Lookslikeonewayoranotheryou’llberidofme.”Hethrowsthatoutjust

asIclosethedoor.InoticethejoltofhiswordsasItakethemin.

Imayhavewantedtochokehimattimes,buttruthbeknown,he’stheonlyrealfriendI’vehad.

He’sputupwithmeatmyworst,whichhasbeenmoreoftenthannot.

AsomberfeelingwashesovermeasIdriveawayfromthehouse.Mylifewillchangeaftertonight.

OnewayoranotherI’llbesayinggoodbyetoatleastonepersonIcareabout.

Kali

MyshiftseemstoflybyandbeforeIrealizewhattimeitis,it’stimeformetogo.Ididn’thavethe

timetocallthecabyet,soIpulloutmyphonetodoit.

InoticeamessagefromLevisayinghe’sintheparkinglottogivemearidehome.WhenIfound

outthathecalledintowork,Ihadhopedhe’ddecidedtoleaveitalonefortoday.Ishould’veknown

better.He’sdeterminedandtheonlywaytogethimtoleavemebeistobeevenmorestubbornand

bullheadedthanheis.

Walkingoutthedoorandintotheparkinglot,Iseehimimmediately.MyheartsinksasIlookathis

face.Hedoesn’tapproveofmedistancingmyself,butIdidn’tthinkhewould.

Islideinandfeeltheheavinessbetweenus.“Youdidn’thavetopickmeup.Icancallacab.”

“Weneedtotalkanyway.”Hecomesbackwithaquickresponse.NotonethatI’musedtofrom

him.

“Levi.Pleasedon’tmakethisharderonmethanitalreadyis.Ican’tchoosebetweenyoutwoandI

refusetobethereasonyoubothhateeachother.”

“NoahandIcametoanunderstandingtoday.Everything’sgoingtoworkoutjustfine.”Hestarts

movingthetrucktowardtheexit.

“Whatdoesthatmean?”

“Itmeanswearen’tlettingyougowithoutspendingsometimewithyoufirst.Weneedtoknowyour

houseissafeandthebestwayforustodothatisforustobethere.”Heturnsrightbeforehecontinues.

“That’llgivemesometimetomakesurethatassholenextdoorisoutofyourwayforgood.”

Idon’taskhimwhathemeans.He’sbeenworkingonthatforafewdaysnow.“Ihaven’tseenhim

yet.”

“WellI’mnotgoingtolettherebeayet,Kali.Idon’tcarehowpissedoffyouget.”

“Allright.I’llletyoutakemehome,makesureI’msafe,thenyouhavetoleave.”Hedoesn’t

respond.Ipulloutmyphoneandlookatmymessagesfrombothofthemthismorning.Seeinghow

demandingNoahwasinthese,I’mhonestlysurprisedtherewasn’ttwoofthemintheparkinglotwaiting

forme.

WepullintothedrivewayandIseethatNoahissittinginhiscarwaitingonmetogethome.My

nervesflareupinstantlyandIcanonlyimaginetheconfrontationthey’rebothabouttohave.Iopenmy

dooranddecidetoheadstraightintothehouse.

IneedtoprovetothemthatI’mfinetostayhere,thenmakethembothleave.“Please.Comeinand

seeforyourself.I’mfine.Nooneishereandthenyoucanbothgohome.Idon’twanttotalkabout

anythingwitheitherofyourightnow.”

“Mydear,wearen’theretotalk.Wedon’tplantoleaveanytimesooneither.You’regoingtoletus

makedinnerandwe’regoingtohaveanightinatyourhouseforachange.”IlookatNoahwithcuriosity,

wonderingwhatthey’rebothupto.

“Ileftyouboththismorningforareason.”

“Andwhatthehellwasyourreason?”Noahsnapsbackashesitsthebagsofgroceriesonthe

counter.

“Idon’tlikemyselflately.Youtwohavemeconfusedandthisisn’tgoingtohelp.”Isitona

barstoolindefeat,knowingthey’llbothbeimpossibletonightifIdon’tjustletthemdotheirthingand

makedinner.I’mleeryoftheirintentionsandwatchforanyclueastheymovearoundthekitchen.

“Whywouldn’tyoulikeyourself?Youhavetwomenwhobothcareaboutyou.Doyouknowhow

manywomenwouldjumpatthechancetospendaneveningwithus?”Noahcontinuestoparadearound

thekitchenactinglikethisisanormalnightforus,whileLevibeginstochoptheonions.

“Wellifyouaskme,thepressureisoverrated.”Theybothlookatmesimultaneously.SinceIcan’t

decidewhichonetodirectmyattentionto,IchosetomovemyfocustomyhandsasIfoldthemtogether

onthecounter.

“Youjustneedtostopstressing.Tonightisonlyfunandrelaxation.Leaveallyourworriesfor

tomorrow.”Noahagain,tryingtomakemeforgetaboutthetriangleI’vegottenusinto.

“Whatareyoutwoupto?”Levilooksupatme,innocentlybattinghiseyesbeforeheresponds.

“We’recookingyoudinner.Maybeifyou’relucky,we’llbeatyouinaboardgamesbeforewe

leave.”I’mnotsureifIbelieveeitherofthem,butfornowI’mjustgoingtoenjoyspendingtimewith

themonelasttime.Beforethenightisover,I’mgoingtotellthembothwhereIstand.Ihavetowalkaway

fromthemandtheyhavetoletmego.

IglanceoveratNoahandwatchhimpourthreeglassesofwhiskey,toppingthemalloffwitha

littlecoke.HeslidesonemywayandanothertowardLevi.Sincewhendothesetwogetalonglikethis?

I’mtryingmyhardesttojustenjoyit,butI’mhavingahardtimebelievingthatthey’vejustmagically

decidedtogetalong.

Takingbackthedrinkquickly,Iendupchokingonthepotentfireslidingdownmythroat.Theyboth

watchmemovearoundtheroomastheycontinuetopreparethefood.It’sasifthey’resuffocatingme.

“I’mgoingtotakeashower.Ismelllikeabar.”

Itakethisopportunitytowalkoutoftheroomandgetsomebreathingspace.It’sgoingtotakea

minuteformetogetmythoughtstogetherandfigureoutwhatI’mgoingtodowiththesetwostubborn

asses.Ilockthedoortomybedroomandthebathroomjusttomakesureneitherofthemgetanybright

ideas.Iwouldn’tputitpasteitheroneofthemtobustinonme.

BeinginthekitchenwithbothofthemonlymademefeelworseaboutwhatI’vedone.Theyare

bestfriendsandhavebeenforyears.Yes,theygetoneachother’snervesjustlikebrotherswould.

Ican’tbethepersonthatcomesbetweenthemandit’sinevitableifIchooseoneovertheother.My

showerishotandsteamy,justlikeIlikeit.IstayinlongerthanIplanto,butitdoeswonderstohelpme

getsomeclarity.

Iftheywantanormaleveningwherewepretendlikethingsaregoingtoworkout,thenI’llgive

themthat.Butafterthis,I’mhavingmylockschangedandforcingthembothtostayaway.MaybeifI

breakdownandscreamatthemlikeIfeellikedoing,they’llleavemealone.

Puttingtheleastamountofeffortintomyhair,Ibrushitandpullitupinamessybunwhileit’sstill

wet.Idon’taddanymakeup,thelastthingI’mtryingtodotonightisimpressanyone.Irolldownthe

waistbandofmysweatpants,tryingtokeepthemuponmyhips.It’spasttimeformetodosomelaundry,

soIthroweverythingfrommybagintoapileandpickitup.Iftheywantanormalnight,thenIcan’tthink

ofanythingmoreappropriatethandoingmylaundry.

ChapterTwenty-Four

Noah

Shewalksoutherelookingsexyasfuck,silencingbothLeviandIatthesametime.Atinypairof

lacepantieshangsfromthebottomofthepileofclothesinherarmsandIrecognizethemasthepairI

pulledoffofherjustlastnight.Shecatchesmestaringandonlyallowsherselftolookatmeforasecond.

It’sobviousthatshe’sdoingherbesttoavoidbothofustonight,whichwon’thelpusseewhoshe’sbetter

connectedto.

“Howdoyouwantyoursteak?”Levimanagestopullherattentionforaboutthesamelengthoftime

thatIdid.

“Mediumrare.”HermessyhairfuckswithmymindasIstarttothinkwhatitwouldbelikeifItook

alargehandfulofitandpulledherbackagainstmewhileIfuckherfrombehind.Iclosemyeyesand

drinkthelastofmybeer,eventhoughit’snotmydrinkofchoice.

Weplantokeepourwitsaboutustonight,butstillmanagetogethertorelax.Thewayshe’sacting

stiff,I’mafraidit’sgoingtobemoredifficultthanweanticipated.

LevistepsoutsidetoputthesteaksonandItaketheopportunitytogetapointacrosstoKali.

Steppingupbehindherasshedropsthelastfewitemsinthewasher,Isurpriseherwiththepressureof

mybodyagainsthers.She’supagainstthewasher,allowingmetogrindmyhipsintoherass.Her

breathinghaltswithasharpinhaleassheglaresatmefromoverhershoulder.

“Noah,Ican’t.Youcan’t.”

“Idon’tdowellwithorders.”IgripthatmessinherhairandpullherbackagainstmejustlikeI

imagined.It’ssomuchbetterthanIhadinmyhead.HerscentconsumesmeandI’minstantlywishingLevi

wasn’tabouttocomethroughthatbackdooragain.

Igripherhipwiththeotherhand,forcingheragainstmecompletely.“Fuck,youmakemecrazy.If

youthinkyoucanjustwalkawayfromthis,thenyou’reobviouslystrongerthanIam.”Ireleasethegrip

onherhairtoslidemyhandoverherneck.Sheextendsasifshe’sinvitingmetosqueezetight,soIdo

whileIkisstheshoulderthatshe’smadesoavailabletome.

“Thistinyfuckingtanktopisn’tgoingtohelpyourlittlecrusade.”Ilookdownthefrontofhertop,

theshapeofhertitsteasingmeperfectly.MydickishardbynowandIwantnothingmorethantocarry

herovermyshoulderstraightintoherbedroom,fuckhersenselessandmakeherstoprunningfromme.

“Noah,youhavetostop.”Herwhisperbrushesacrossmyfaceassheexhalesthroughherown

fight.She’sattemptingtoproverestraint,whenIwantnopartofthatshit.

Thesoundofthebackdoorhasherpushingmeaway.Ismileassheworkstocomposeherselfand

pretendsIdidn’tjustfuckwithhermind.IshouldfeelguiltyforwhatIjustdid,butIdon’t.Ifeitherof

Levi

ItappearsI’mgoingtohavetoplaydirty,eventhoughwebothsaidwewouldn’t.Noahobviously

didsomethingwhileIwasoutside,becauseI’vebecomeveryfamiliarwiththatflusteredlookonKali’s

face.ShewasturnedonwhenIwalkedin.Whoknowswhathesaidordidtomakeherswitchhermood

soquickly.

I’mgoingtoneedsometequilaifI’mgoingtobeabletogoheadtoheadwiththatfuckertonight.

Deepdown,Ijustwanttokickhisassandendallofthis,butIknowthatisn’tgoingtokeepKalifrom

pushingusbothaway.Shedoesn’twantthestressandthatwouldputherovertheedge.Iknowherwell

enoughtomakethatassumption.

“Noah,whydon’tyoutaketheseouttothegrillandseasonthesteakwhileyou’reatit.”Ihandhim

thefoilwrappedvegetablesandtheseasoning.Thesmirkonhisfaceischallenging,butIignorehim.

Luckilyhetakesthetrayfrommeandgoesoutthedoor.

“Youdoingallright?”Ichoosetoshowherrespectandcompassion.SomethingI’msureheknows

nothingabout.

“Notreally.”Steppinginherpath,Istopherfromleavingtheroom.Hereyesbolttomineandwe

bothstayfrozeninplaceuntilIslidemyhandsdownherarms.

“Youhavenothingtobestressedabout.Justrelaxandhavesomefunwithustonight.Justbeyou.”

ShewrapsherarmsaroundmywaistandIinhalethefreshscentofherhairjustundermychinasIpull

herinforahug.MyarmsarestillaroundherwhenNoahbargesthroughthedoor.

Shedoesn’tmovetooquicklyfrommyarmsandI’malmostpositiveNoahgrowledunderhis

breathasherinsedthetray.

“I’mthinkingweshouldplaysomepokertonight.Who’sin?”Shestepsbackandshrugsbeforeshe

respondstoNoah.

“I’veneverplayed.Youguyswillhavetoteachme.”

“It’seasy,butifyouloseyouhavetotakesomethingoff.”ShelaughsasNoahattemptstodrawher

inwithstrippoker.

“Idon’tthinkso.YoutwocanplayandI’llwatch.”

“Ibetwecanconvinceyoutojoinus.”Hissmilecauseshertolookdown.He’scomingonstrong

andIcan’ttellifhisgameisgoingtoworkonherorpushherfurtheraway.Isitnexttoherandrunmy

handdownherback.Shesquirmsasmytouchslidesoverherass.Aquicksmileandaglancefromher

tellsmeshedidn’thatethatIjustdidthat.

“Soyourplanistofeedmeandgetmedrunk,thenwhat?”ShelookstoNoahbeforeturningtome

again.

“We’rejustheretoenjoysometimewithyou.Andtomakeyouseethatwe’reokaywithwhatever

decisionyoumake.Wearen’theretopressureyouintoanything.”

“Yes.Wearen’theretomakeyouchoose,butifyou’rehavingahardtimelettinggoofsomeone

yousayyou’velovedmostofyourlife,weunderstand.”IlookupatNoahandwatchhimgiveherhis

pantydroppingsmirkthatI’veseenhimusetimeaftertime.

“Youtwoarefuckingmakingmecrazy.Ican’tdealwiththiscraptonight.Canyoubothjustgo?”

Sheshocksmeasshestandsupandyellsatthebothofus.

“Nocando,sweetheart.”

“I’msuffocating.Doyounotseewhatyou’redoingtome?”Shestartscryingbeforeshecompletely

loseshershitonus.“Noah.Youhavenoboundaries.IwantedyoutobelikethatwhenIfirstcametoyou,

butyouhadtoplayyourfuckinggames,leadingmerightintohisarms.”Sheshiftsherlooktomeasshe

continuestobackawayfrombothofus.Herhandsflailingassheyells.

“Armsthatmademefeelsafeandlovedforthefirsttimeinyears.Thenyoucouldn’tfuckingjust

letmebe,youhadtocomeatmewithyourmindfuck,tellingmenow.NOWyou’reinlovewithmeand

youwanttoseewhatwecanbetogether.”ShewalkstowardNoah,stabbinghiminthechestasshe

continues.“Iwashappy.Iwassafe.Ifeltloved.Andthenyouchangedallofthatbyremindingmewhat

I’velovedaboutyouforalloftheseyears.”Sheturnsawayfromhim,hershouldersfallingasifshe’s

defeated.“YoumademeleavethesecurityIhadwithLeviandthrewmeintothisunknownshit.NowI

can’tbreathebecauseIcan’thurtLevi.Ican’thandlehowitfeelswhenhe’snotapartofmylifenow.”

Sheturnstowardme,hertearsclawingatmyheartasIwatchhercomeundone.

“ButIcan’tstandgoingadaywithouttalkingtoyoueither,Noah.NomatterhowhardItrytostay

awayfromyou,Ican’t.Don’tyouseewhatthisisdoingtome?”

Webothstandmotionless,takingineverythingshesays.“ThisiswhyIhavetoletyoubothgo.I

can’tchoose.I’llbemiserableifIdo.”Sherushesoutoftheroom,leavingusbothspeechless,frozenin

ourstanceaswecontemplatehowthehelltoproceedfromhere.

“Irefusetowalkaway,Levi.It’sKali.”HespeakstomeasifI’mnotawareofwhosheisorhow

importantsheistohim.Theproblemis,he’snotremotelyawarejusthowmuchshemeanstome.

“I’mnotgoinganywhere.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,I’vefoundlove.Ifoundsomeoneworthyof

myloveandloyalty.IfyouthinkI’mgoingtowalkawayandmakethiseasyonyou,youhaveanother

thingcoming.”Heisn’thappytohearmyresponse.“Yetherewearefightingoverherlikeshe’soursto

fightover.Itreallydoesn’tmatterwhatwe’rewillingtodowhenshe’srunningfrombothofus.”

“Youdorealizeweonlyhaveoneoptionthatwillallowusalltogetafractionofwhatwewant.

Letmegetthesteaksandwe’lltalk.”Notsurewherehismindisgoing,Imovetothebarstooltohear

himout.

ChapterTwenty-Five

Kali

Ineedfreshair.Steppingoutsideseemstohelpwiththat,eventhoughthisissomethingInormally

don’tdohere.I’mwalkingdownthedrivewaytogetmymail,whenIseetheneighbor’struckcoming

downtheroad.MyheartsinksandI’minstantlyterrified.IrushasfastasIcanbackintothehouse,only

tobemetatthedoorbybothNoahandLevi.

They’rebothonguardandreadytoannihilateanythingthat’schasingme,onlytoseethere’snothing

runningafterme.“Whatthefuckishappening?”Noahstepsoutsidetoseetheneighborpullingupinhis

driveway.“Didhedosomethingtoyou?”

“No.Ijustdidn’twanttobeoutsidewithhim.”

“Thisiswhatwe’retalkingabout.Youcan’tfuckingbeherewiththismanlivingnextdoortoyou.”

LevispinsmearoundsothathisbackistothedoorandI’mbetweenthetwoofthem.

IlookoverLevi’sshoulderandIseethesickostandingonmyporch.Hemusthaveadeathwish

comingupherewiththesetwoguyshere.Thatorhe’sfishingforthemtodosomethingagain.“Lookwhat

finallydecidedtocomehome.”Hisdisgustformeisobviousthesecondheopenshismouth.“Doyou

reallythinkIdon’tknowyou’rehavingmefollowed?”Ilookathimconfusedwhilehestartstomove

towardthesteps.

“Thenextfuckingstepyoutakewillbeyourlastifit’sinthedirectionofthishouse.Youneedto

getyourassoutofherebeforeIremindyouwhyyoushould.”LeviisquickeronhisfeetthanNoahis,but

bothofthemmeettheguybeforehehasachancetotakeanotherstep.

“Ihaven’thadyoufollowed.”Itrytoreplytohiminhopesthathe’llleave.

“Ihave,”Levispeaksup,hisdeepvoicepracticallyaroarashedivesfortheguy.Noahjumpsto

helpaswell.They’repunchingtheguyoverandoverandI’minstantlyworriedtheywon’tstopbeforeit’s

toolate.

“Pleasestop,”Ibegintocryout,onlytohavethemallignoreme.Theybothcontinuetopummelthe

guyintothegroundandduringallofthechaosoftryingtogetthemalltostop,Imissamanrunningfrom

thestreettobreakitup.

There’sbloodallovertheneighborandbothLeviandNoaharetakingturnsgettingafewmore

shotsinbeforetheguyfromthestreetpullsLevioffofhim.

“Greg,getthisfuckeroutofhere.”Levipullsawayfrombeingheld,hischestheavingfromanger

asheleansover,liftsthentossestheneighborintothearmsofthemanfromthestreet.Leviisbleedingon

hischeekandafteraquickglanceoverNoah,Icanseethatheistoo.Ijustcan’ttellhowbadtheirfaces

arehurt.

“I’lltakecareofhim.Youtwogetcleanedup.Imayneedyoutocomeintothestationtofilea

reportinthemorning.ButhopefullyIhaveallthefootageI’llneed.There’salreadyawarrantoutforthis

asshole.Ijustneedtotakehimin.”ThisGregguyishugeandhasnoproblemdraggingtheneighbortohis

car.

IstandinshockasthetwomenIcareaboutmostglareatthemanwhohasscaredmeformonths.

MyheartbeatsrapidlyasIcomedownfromthepanicthathadmeworriedoneofthemwouldkillhim

andI’dlosethemforever.

“Jesus.Youbothscaredtheshitoutofme.”Imoveclosertothemboth,notsurewhoIshouldhug,

soIdon’tapproacheither.“Comeinside.Weneedtogetyoucleaneduptoseehowbadyourinjuries

are.”IwalkintomybathroomtogetthesuppliesIneedtostopthebleeding.Neitheroneofthemsays

anythingastheyfollowme.

Bothofthemsitontheedgeofmybed,facingmewhileIrusharoundtheroomtoopenthegauze

andointmentsoIcancleantheirwounds.

“Youhadhimfollowed?”

“Yes.ItoldyouI’dmakesureyou’resafe.”Levimeltsmyheartasheadmitstoensuringmysafety.

Itakeanantisepticwipeandtouchbothofthematthesametime.Bothinjuriesseemtobeasmallcutthat

willbeeasytohealoncethebleedingstops.

“Here.Holdthis.”Igetthemtoputpressureontheirowncuts.Thewaythey’rebothlookingatme

isn’tfair,soIstepback.Levistandsquickly,pullingmeintohisarms.

“AllIwantisforyoutobesafeandhappy.”Ismellhiscologneevenoverthesweatanddirtonhis

t-shirtfromthefight.Tuckingmyhandsbehindhiswaist,Igiveinandlethimholdme.Itfeelsamazingto

beinhisstrongarmslikethis.I’mpositivehe’sholdingmetighterthanhehasinthepast.

Extrahandsslidedownmyarms,surprisingmeinstantly.“That’sallwebothwant.”Ilookovermy

shoulderandseeNoahstandingrightbehindme.Iturntofacehimandhewrapshisarmsaroundmetoo,

bothofthemsurroundingmewithstrengthandlovewhileItrytoswallowaroundthelumpinmythroat.

“Thankyouboth.”IpushNoahbackandstepoutfrombetweenthem.“Youhavenoideahowmuch

funI’vehadoverthepastfewweeks.You’veremindedmewhatit’sliketobeloved.Bothofyouhave.”I

lookbetweenthemasItalk.

Theybothtakeastepforwardatthesametime,eachslidingahanddownoneofmyarmsasthey

pullmetowardthem.“Maybeyou’vebeenlookingatthisallwrong.”NoahtalksnexttomyearandI

listenastheirclosenessparalyzesme.

“Maybeyoudon’thavetochooseoneofus.”Levicontinuestheconversationintheotherear,their

breathsheatingupmyneckfrombothsides.

“Youcanhavebothofus.”Noahbitesmyearjustashefinishesthewordsthatsurpriseme.Itryto

stepbackfromthem,buttheybothkeepmeinplace.

“Stoprunningfromus.Justletusloveyou.”Levitriestocalmmeeventhoughmymindisgoing

crazytryingtoimaginewhatmadethemcometothisconclusion.

“You’rebothoutofyourmind.Youexpectmetobelieveyouwanttoshareme?”

“Wedecidedit’sabettercompromisethanlosingyouforever,”LevitriestoexplainbeforeNoah

pullsmeagainsthimandmovesmesothatmybackisagainstLevi.

“Wewillshareyou.You’llhaveusbothaslongasyouwantus,”Noahwhispersagainstmymouth.

They’vesurroundedme,completelyenvelopingmeintoawarmthIcouldneverexplain.Bothofthemare

touchingmeinthemosttenderwayastheytrytogettheirpointacross.

Leviturnsmetofacehim,forcingmetolookintohiseyes.Noahslidesinbehindme,again

allowingmetofeelcompletelycherished.“Thisistheonlywayforyoutobehappy.Webothseeit,now

youjustneedtocometotermswithitandmovebackinwithus.”Iwatchhiseyesdancearoundashe

waitsformetorespond.WhenIdon’t,Levimovesinforakiss.Adeepkissthat’smeanttoshowmehow

hefeelsaboutme.OnethatIfindmyselfreturningeventhoughIfeeltheguiltofNoahbeingbehindme.

Ipullaway.“Wait.Ican’tstandfeelinglikeI’mjumpingbetweenyourbeds.IhatetheguiltI’ve

beenlivingwith.”

“Shhhh.”Leviplaceshisfingerovermylips.

“Noguilt.Justhappinessandpleasurelikeyou’veneverexperienced,”Noahspeaksagainstmy

ear,sendingachillovermybody.Ileanmyheadagainsthischestandgiveinwhenhestartstorunhis

handsupmytorso,gettingclosertomychestwitheachbreath.

“Kali,youdeservetobeloved.”IwatchLevispeaktomeasNoah’shandssendheatacrossmy

body.“Andtolovewhoyouwant.Youdeservetohaveeverythingyou’veeverwanted.”Hestalkstoward

me,speakingdeeplyasNoahstepsback,allowingLevitopursueusslowly.Hisgravelvoiceisgetting

sexierwitheverystep.“Youdeservetobesafe.Towalkintoyourhomeandhaveyourpickofstrong

armstorunto.”Levireachesbehindhisheadandliftshist-shirtoverhishead.

Noahstopsmovingus,allowingmetotouchLevi’schestwhileIhearhimpullhisownshirtoff.I

kissLevi’schestandallowhimtoslidemytanktopovermyhead,hishandsbrushingdownmysides.

Mybackisbare,Noahnotcoveringmeimmediately.Hefinallystepsinbehindmeandslidesmy

elasticgatheredhairoffmyshoulder,givinghimtheaccessheneedstoshootchillsthroughmybodywith

hisbite.Noahmovesslowly,slidingasilkscarfovermychestbeforeheblindfoldsme,tyingittightly

behindmyhead.

“Justfeelus,Kali,”LevispeaksagainstmylipsagainandIinhalehisscent.Masculine.Sexy.Levi.

“Ifeelyou.”Isoundbreathyandpathetic,butcompletelyconsumedinthesemen.Mymen,ifIso

choosetotakethemupontheiroffer.NotthatIcanimaginesayingnotowhatthey’resuggestingsofar.

Noah’shandslidesinsidemypantsashewrapshisarmsaroundmefrombehind.Levitugsthe

elasticoutofmyhair,allowingmystillwethairtofallovermyshouldersonceagain.Noahpushesmy

pantsdownmylegs,lettingthemfalltothefloorandleavingmenakedbetweentwomenforthefirsttime

inmylife.

Levipullshisbuckleopenandkickshispantsandshoesoutofthewaybeforehemovesagainst

me.NoahdoesthesameandbeforeIknowit,Levihasmylegswrappedaroundhiswaistandhe’sslowly

glidinghisdickinsideme.Noahstandssolidasifhe’sawallthatLevibeginstofuckmeagainst.

WrappingmyhandsintoNoah’shairashestandsbehindme,IbegintorideLevi.Rotatingmyhips

asIfindawaytosqueezeandclenchmymuscles,makingmyselftightenoughtopullafewgroansoutof

Levi.NoahholdsmeupwithhishandsonmytitswhileLevigripsmythighs.

Somanystrongarmssurroundmewithfingersslidingovermybody.Mouthsandtonguesleavinga

trailofmoisture,pullingmeataninsanespeedstraightintoawhirlofsensation.Iwon’tmakeitlongwith

thesetwo.Ineverhaveoneonone,soIknowIwon’twithbothofthemworkingmeover.Theyhaveme

wrappedaroundtheireverymoveandIcan’thelpbutwishIcouldseethem.Iwanttowatchtheirfaces.

Leviwalksmetothebedbeforehesitsmedowncarefully.Ifeelthebeddipbehindmeandbefore

Iknowit,I’minthemiddleofthebed,sandwichedbetweenbothofthem.Ilieonmybackandletthe

chaosofbothofthemconsumingmetakeovermybody.It’slikenothingI’veeverexperienced,leaving

meparalyzedtotheirtouch.

NoahpullsmetowardhimatthesametimeLevigetsclosertomyback.“Kali,tellmeyoudon’t

wantusbothatthesametimeandwe’llstop.”Ican’ttellthemthatbecausethetruthis,nowthatI’m

thinkingaboutit,Iwantitbad.

“Iwant.”Noahthrustsinsideme,makingmegaspandstoptalkingatthesametime.“Iwantyou

both.”It’sasifthesecondthewordsleavemymouth,Iflipaswitchonbothofthem.Aswitchwherethe

twoofthemmoveinsyncandpositionmesothattheycanbothenterme.Noahshiftshishipssothathe’s

deepinsidemebeforeLevistandsonthebed,guidingmyheadtosuckhiscock.

“Getitniceandwet,baby.”Noahslideshisfingersinsidemyass,slowlymakingmefranticasI

imaginewhatit’llbelikewhenLeviactuallyfillsmecompletely.Hestretchesmeperfectlyashefucks

mewhileIgagandtakeLevitothebackofmythroat.“That’sit.”Hepopsthetipagainstmytongueafew

timesbeforehemovesinbehindme.

Everythingfreezes,includingmybreathingasLevislidesinslowly,onlyenteringashortdistance

witheachthrust.TheburningsensationashecontinuestostretchmeisbothpainfulandapleasureasI

allowmybodytorelax.“You’refuckingbeautiful.Thosedamnlipsarealreadyswollen.”Ifeelhow

puffytheyareandhowtightmychestisastheymoveme.MynipplesarehardandeverysensationIhave

seemstoberushingstraighttomycore.

“That’sit.”LevibeginstomovefasterwitheachthrustandIcan’tinternalizehowthey’remaking

mefeelanylonger.Mymoansturnintoscreamsofpleasureastheyrockmyfuckingmind.

Thisiswrong,Iknowit,butIcan’tseemtodrumupanounceofguilt.Tome,thisisperfectionand

loveatitsfinest.Bothofthem,worshippingmybodywiththeirdeliciousmixofroughandtendertouches

can'tpossiblybeimmoral.Andifitis,savemeaseat,betweenthem,inHell.Irefusetodenymyself

anythingthatfeelsthisdamngood.

Wehavesexforhours.Bothofthemmakingittheirmissiontomakemycollapseinexhaustion

whentheyfinish.I’vealwaysfantasizedofhavingathreesome,butneverimagineditbecomingapartof

myeverydaylife.Isitevenapossibilitythatthey’rereallyokaywiththissituation?Couldwereally

coexistasifwe’reatrio?WilltheygetmadatmeifIspendtoomuchtimewithoneofthemoverthe

other?

IpullofftheblindfoldandsmileasIslidebetweenthem.Wealllieonourbacks,breathingdeeply

asweletthesweatdripdownourbodies.ThismakesmeanxiousthemoreIthinkaboutallthepossible

waysthiscouldgowrong.Thisissomethingweneedtohaveaserioustalkabout.OnethatIneedtobe

includedinthistime.

“Youbothwantmetobelievethatyouwon’tgetmadatmeifIspendmoretimewithoneofyou

overtheother?”

“Weknowyou’llbewithbothofus.”Noahthrowshisarmoverhisfaceandexhales.“Wejust

needyoutobeyou.Dowhatyouwantandwhoyouwantatalltimes.Ifyou’rehappy,thenwe’rehappy.”

HethrowsouttheexpectationsasLevislideshisfingersbetweenmine.

Noahrollsovertofaceme,placingasoftkissonmyshoulderbeforehecontinues.“No,really.We

understandwhatthismeans.Iknowyou’remostlyworriedthatI’llbeanangryasswhenyouspendtime

withhim,butIwon’t.”

“AndIwon’tholditagainstyouifyourollwiththatassoverthere.”Levikissesmyothershoulder,

sendingasmileacrossmyface.

“Yeah,yeah.IthinkIprovedmyworthtothislittletriowehavehere.Saywhatyouwant.”Noah

fallsbackonhisbackagain,coveringhisfaceagain.

LevislidesoutofbedandIwatchhimwalknakedoutofmyroom.“Whereareyougoing?”Isit

up,planningtofollowhimoutoftheroom.

“Toeat.Myassisstarving.”

Epilogue

Kali

“You’regorgeous,stopfussingandgetbackinbedwithme.”LevihasbecomedemandingsinceI

movedbackin.Noahwasalreadyridiculous,sobetweenthetwoofthem,I’msurroundedbyalpha

personalitiesconstantly.It’sagoodthingIcanhandlethemboth.Ijustchoosetopickmybattles.

“Youhavetosaythat.”Isitontheedgeofthebedonlytohavehimcrawlovermeandslideme

underhim.Hismuscularbodycoversminewhilehetakesituponhimselftotrailkissesdownmyneck.

“Idon’thavetosayanything.Mmmm,fuckingtasty.”Hislittleniponmyskinistotemptmeinto

havingsexwithhimagain.Betweenthetwoofthem,I’mneveralone.Eventhoughtheygavememyown

room.

Itwastheirwayofallowingmemyspace.Igetmyroom,ahugebedandIgettoinvitewhoeverI

wanteachnight.NohardfeelingsifIchosetospendtimewithoneofthematatimeorbringthembothin.

Ijustmadeiteasyonmyselfandtoldthembothtocomeinhereeverynight.It’slessstressonme

andI’mlearningthatthetwoofthemareworkingitoutsothattheygettheironeononetimewithme.

It’sawinwinsituationforme.

“Where’sthispartytonight?”NoahwalksinandLevidoesn’tstophishandfromslidingundermy

t-shirt.

“AttheWardMansion.”LevihastoworksecurityandI’vebeenhiredtobartend.Noahnotices

whatLeviisdoingtome,sohemovestothebedquickly.

Levi’shandslidesundermypanties,causingmetogaspwithhisintrusion.“Ah,fuck.”Hisfingers

godeep,kissingmyG-spotperfectlyeachtimehemoves.Ishiftandsquirmintoafrenzyofsensations,

especiallywhenNoahslidesinnexttome,pullingmymouthtowardshis.Hekissesmehard,swallowing

mymoanswhileIridethroughabodyquiveringorgasm.OnethatI’vegrownaccustomedto.

“Iloveyou,Kali,”LeviwhispersagainstmyneckasNoahfinishesourkissandIbegintocome

downfrommyhigh.

“Iloveyou,too.”It’ssomethinghesaystomeoftennow.Somethinghedidn’tsayuntiltheycame

upwiththeideatoshareme,butsomethingIknewhefeltlongbefore.

“Ithinkyou’reallright,too.”Noahmakesmesmileasheteases.Healsotellsmeoften.There’sno

shortageofloveinthishouseandit’squicklybecomeaplaceIfeelathomein.

Idon’tknowwhyIeverthoughtIcouldleaveeitheroneofthem.ThedarknessIfeltwhenIleft

wasdeafeningandsomethingIwould’veneverrecoveredfrom.I’mdestinedtobewithNoahandLevi.

Lookingback,itwasobviouslongago.

Itmaybeconsideredtabootosome,butI’veneverworriedaboutwhatothersthinkofme.Ilove

myguys.Ilovemylifeandwhatit’sbecomenowthatI’vetakenthisleapoffaithandfollowedlove.Who

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