CROWNOFLIES

by

NewYorkTimesBestseller

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CrownofLies

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Contents

CROWNOFLIES
OTHERWORKBYPEPPERWINTERS
CrownofLie sBlurb
De dication
Prologue
Chapte rOne
Chapte rTwo
Chapte rThre e
Chapte rFour
Chapte rFive
Chapte rSix
Chapte rSe ve n
Chapte rEight
Chapte rNine
Chapte rTe n
Chapte rEle ve n
Chapte rTwe lve
Chapte rThirte e n
Chapte rFourte e n
Chapte rFifte e n
Chapte rSixte e n
Chapte rSe ve nte e n
Chapte rEighte e n
Chapte rNine te e n
Chapte rTwe nty
Chapte rTwe nty-One
Chapte rTwe nty-Two
Chapte rTwe nty-Thre e
Chapte rTwe nty-Four
Chapte rTwe nty-Five
Chapte rTwe nty-Six
Chapte rTwe nty-Se ve n
Chapte rTwe nty-Eight
Chapte rTwe nty-Nine
Chapte rThirty
Chapte rThirty-One
Chapte rThirty-Two
Chapte rThirty-Thre e
Chapte rThirty-Four
Chapte rThirty-Five
Chapte rThirty-Six
THRONEOFTRUTH
OTHERWORKBYPEPPERWINTERS
ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

CrownofLiesBlurb

“ImetthemanIwanted.Butthenhevanished,andanewmanclaimedmeinstead.Myfather

approved,mycolleaguescongratulated,andbehindcloseddoors,Iwasbeddedbyastranger.”

NoelleCharlstonlivesafairy-talelife:adotingfather,apowerfuljob,andafutureblessedwithfinancial

security.

However,twomeetingswithtwomenchangesherhappyexistenceforever.First,shemeetsthemanwho

makesherheartsing.Threeyearslater,shemeetsthemanwhomakesherbloodquiver.

Broken-heartedfromateenageromance,Noelle’sfreedomisnolongerhers.Itbelongstothestrangerher

fatherbelievesisherperfectmatch.Thestrangerwhopullshisliesovereveryonehetouches.

Includingher.

Seducedandmanipulated,NoellegivesintothemysteriousPennEverett.Thelieshespins,thetruthhe

hides,themysteryheweaves—it’sallenoughtoslowlyerodethewomansheisandturnherinto

somethingelse.

Untilherpastcollideswithherpresent.

Andit’sherturntolie.

Toeveryone...includingherself.

Dedication

Thisbookisdedicatedtoallthoseeagle-eyereaderswhowillmostlikelynoticeI’manEnglish-born

writerwhouseswordswithpeskyS’s(tantalise),doubleL’s(travelled),andtheoccasionalextraU

(favourite).I’vedonemybest(andenlistedhelp)tocatchtheEnglishinthisAmericanbook,buttoany

NewYorkerswhospyafew...allIcansayis,Itried.Inowhavealove-haterelationshipwithZ’s,

learnedabootisatrunkandaloungeisalivingroom,andjusthowmagicalonelanguagecanbewith

twocorrectwaysofwriting.

Happyreading!

Prologue

INEVERYGIRL’Slife,thereisbetrayal.

Betrayalfromlovedones,unknownones,andfromtheoneswechoosetomakeourown.However,

wherethere’sdeceit,there’strust,too.Andsometimes,thosetwothingscamouflagethemselvesto
mimictheother.

Thatwaswhathedid.
Themanwhofirststolemybodyandthenstolemyheartwastheultimatemagicianwithlies.
Ithinkapartofmealwaysknewwhathekepthidden.IalwayssuspectedandmaybethatwaswhyI

fellforhimdespitehisdeceit.

Butthenhisfibsfellapart.
AnditwasuptometodecideifIwantedtogivehim
trust
or
betrayal.

ChapterOne

“YOUCAN’TBRINGyourdaughtertoworkonaweekend,Joe.”

“Sayswho?”
Stevecrossedhisarms,doinghisbesttocomeacrossasstrictbutfailing.“Saysyou.”
Ihuggedmyfrillydress-coveredchest,myheadbouncinglikeavolley-ballbetweenDadandtheman

whohelpedrunhiscompany.Mybacktensed,waitingfortheirvoicestoclimbandangertoemerge,but
theirelderlyfacesremainedhappy.

EversinceMomdiedfouryearsago,I’dbecomesusceptibletooutburstsofemotion.Ihatedwhen

Dadraisedhisvoiceorsomeonehadafightinpublic.

Dadloopedhisarmaroundmytinyshoulders,huggingmybodytohis.“WhendidIsayIcouldn’t

bringmydarlingdaughtertoworkonaSaturday,Steve?”

Stevewinkedatme,hisdarkblondhairtrimwithhismustachebushy.“Whenyouwrotetherulebook

foryourcompany,Joe.Therewasfineprint.”

Iknewtheywerejoking—playingagameIcouldn’tfigureout.I’dbeentotheofficeeverydayofthe

week,includingSaturdaysandSundays.Butbecausetheyexpectedmetobuyintotheirlittledrama,Idid.

IallowedmyselftoactyoungerthanIfelt,eventhoughIwasstillachildandshouldn’tgraspageand

maturityjustyet.

Mom’sdeathandmyinductionintotheworkforcefromatenderagehadgivenmetwoidealsto

follow:adulthoodandadolescence.Alotofthetime,Iwastreatedandrespondedlikeanadult,buttoday,
Ididn’tmindactingyoungerbecauseIwantedtobeyoungerforachange.

IwantedtobeallowedtocrybecausetodayhadbecomeamassivedisappointmentandifIwasakid,

Icouldletmyhurtshow.IfIwasanadult,IhadtosuckitupandpretendIwasfinewithit.

Mysadnessoriginatedfromsomethingsostupid.Ishouldn’tcare—especiallyseeingasIknewbetter.

ButDadhadletmedownonasillybirthdaytradition,andIdidn’tknowhowtotellhimIwassad
withoutcomingacrossasapoutingkidwhodidn’tvalueeverythingshealreadyhad.

“Rulebook?”Ipipedup,glancingatDad.“Youwrotearulebooklikeschoolhas?Isitasstuffyand

strictonsillythingslikesocklengthanduniform?”IwrinkledmynoseatSteve’scrumpledshirtand
creasedtrousers.“Ifyoudid,howcomeyou’renotdressedthesame?”

Dadworepressedslacks,grayvest,andablazerwithnavypipingonthesleeves.Everycuffand

pleatweremilitaryinperfection.

Helookednothingliketheothersuitedmeninhishigh-risebuilding,especiallySteveinhisshirt-

wrinkledglory.

Butthatwasn’tnew.
DadhadbeenimmaculateeverydayofhislifesinceIcouldremember.Eveninthephotosofhim

holdingmeasanew-bornatthehospital,he’dbeeninathree-piecesuitwithachrysanthemum(Mom’s
favoriteflower)inthelapel.

Stevechuckled.“Yourschoolhasauniform,Elle?”
Heknewthis.He’dseenmehereafterschoolinmydespisedsplendor.
Inodded.“Ihateit.It’sscratchyandgross.”
“Butyoulooksoadorableinit,BellButton.”Dadhuggedmecloser.Secretly,Ilovedhiscuddles

(especiallybecauseweonlyhadeachothernow)butoutwardly,Ihadatwelve-year-oldreputationto

maintain.

Stillplayingtheirgame,Ising-songed,“Daa-ad.Yousaidyouwouldn’tusethatname.”
Hecringeddramatically.“Whoops.Iforgot.”Hetappedhistemple.“I’manoldman,Elle.Ican’t

remembereverything.”

Inudgedhimwithmyshoulder.“Justlikeyouforgotyouwrotearulebooksayingnodaughters

allowedonweekends.”

“Exactly.”Hebeamed.
“Andhowyouforgotmybirthday?”
Whoops.
Ididn’tmeantosaythat,butI’dbottleditupallmorning.Ididmybesttojoke,butmyhurtrefusedto

hide.He’dneverforgottenbefore.He’dalwayswokenmeupwithasillygiftandthendonewhateverI
wantedfortheafternoon.

Notthecasetoday.
I’dturnedtwelve,andthere’dbeennocakeorcandles—notevenabirthdayhug.
Instead,he’dcookedmetoast,toldmetodresssmart,thendraggedmetoworkwithhim.Hetookme

totheofficeoften,butI’dhopedtodaywould’vebeenatriptoCentralParktogether,orattheveryleast,
lunchatmyfavoriteThairestaurant.

Isfunnolongerallowed?
NowIwasolder,didIhavetoearnanincomelikehe’dkepttellingme?Thatitwastimetoputthe

meagerfewyearsatschoolintopractice?

Ithoughthewasjoking.
Thenagain,hewasjokingwiththiswholerole-play.Myheartskipped,doingitsbesttounderstand

whatwasgoingon.

Stevegasped.“Youforgotyourowndaughter’sbirthday?”Hetutted,shakinghishead.“Shameon

you,Joe.”

“Watchit.Icanstillfireyou.”Dad’sfacecontortedashestrugglednottosmile.Hegaveup,allowing

abroadgrintospread.“That’sthereasonwhyIbroketherulesandbroughtmydaughtertoworkon
Saturday.”

Ifroze,unabletostopthehappinessfizzingintobeing.
Wait...doesthatmeanhedidn’tforget?
“What...tomakeherslaveaway?”Steve’seyesrounded.“Could’vewaiteduntilshewasthirteen,at

least.”Hewinkedatme.“Letherseetheworldbeforeshacklinghertothisplace.”

“She’llhaveplentyoftimeforthat.”Hehuggedmeclose,marchingforward,pullingmewithhim.

“Comealong,BellButton.”

Irolledmyeyes.“AgainwiththeBellButton.”
“Dealwithit.”Hechuckled,hisgrayinghaircatchingtheneonlightsaswestrolleddownthewide

hallway.TheviewofdowntownManhattansparkledinthewindows.Sittingregalontheforty-seventh
floor,theofficesoftheCEOandtopmanagersofBelleElleneverfailedtoimpressandterrifyme.

Dadownedthisbuildingalongwithafewothers.Hewasloaded,accordingtothegirls’gossipat

school.However,onlyIknewhowmuchtimeandenergyheputintohiscompanyandwasveryproudof
him.ButalsoscaredwhathewouldexpectfrommenowIwasolder.

Foryears,thingshadbeenchanging.MychildhoodhadendedtwomonthsafterMomdied,revealing

howdifferentbothourliveswouldbefromthenon.Nomorefairy-talestoriesorbedtimereadalongs.

NomoreAladdinorBeautyandtheBeast.
Nomoremake-believe.
Instead,Dadreadmeledgersandshowedmecatalogsofnewseasonapparelforthecompany.He

gavemehomeworkonhowtonavigateourwebsiteandtaughtmehowtodecideifbuyingadressattwo

dollarswasgoodsenseifwesolditfornineteen.Toworkoutrent,taxes,employeesalaries,andother
overheadstoseeifthatdresswouldmakeanyprofit(turnedoutitwasonlytwentycentsafterexpenses
andtoolowtomakeasustainableprofit).

I’dlivedandbreathedthisplacesinceIwassoyoung.Andnow,itseemeditevencontrolledmy

birthday.

Dadstoppedathisofficeandheldtheentrywideformetoscootthrough.Icontinuedtohisdesk

whileheclosedthedoor.Ilovedhisdesk.Itremindedmeofanancienttreethat’dbeenoutsideour
brownstoneforyearsuntilitwascutdown.

Throwingmyselfintohiscomfyleatherchair,Ispunaround,kickinghisdrawerstoincreasemy

inertiaonthesecondspin.

“Elle.”DadblurredasIspunagain.Hewasn’tmad.Hisfacesplitintoasmileashechuckled.

“You’llmakeyourselfsick.”

Iplantedmyhandsonhisdesk,comingtoanabruptstop.“No,Iwon’t.Thoseballetlessonshelped

withmybalance,remember?”

Henodded.“Ido.YouwerealovelyswanintheSwanPrincess.”
Ismiled,forgivinghimforforgettingmybirthdaybecausereally,spendingtimewithhimwasallI

needed.Hereorthere,itdidn’tmatteraslongasheandIwereawe.“Youneedmetotrysomeofthe
kid’sclothestoday?”Ireclinedinhischair.“Helpdesignthewindowdisplayfromagirl’spointof
view?”I’dlearnedhowtodoallthat,andIwasgood.

Thecompany—BelleElle—hadbeeninmyfather’slineageforlongerthanIcouldcomprehend.One

ofmygreat,great,toomanygreatgrandfathershadcalledhislittleshopBelleElleafterhiswife,
ElizabethEleanor,whosenicknamewasBelleElle.Iknewthatbecausemultiplecasestudiesonmy
ancestryandnewspaperarticlesexisted.Itwasyetanotherelementofmyhomework:tolearnasmuch
aboutourlegacyasIcouldbecauseinthisworld—wheretheUSdidn’thavearoyalfamily—wewere
classifiedinsomecirclesasbluebloods.

Longstandingcitizensofanempirethat’dbeenheresincecolonization.Slowlygrowingbiggerand

deliveringmoreproductsfrombasiccoatsandhatsformenandparasolsandshawlsforwomen,tofull
wardrobes,housewares,entertainment,andjewelryforanyage.

BelleEllewasthelargestretailchainintheUSandCanada,andsomeday,itwouldbemine.
Toatwelve-year-oldgirlwhohadfunplayingdress-upwithchild-sizemannequinsoncethe

customershadbeenkickedout,helpedstaffarrangenewwindowdisplays,andcouldtakecostume
jewelryhomeoccasionallybecauseherdadcouldwriteoffanecklaceortwo,Iwasexcitedatthethought
ofthisbeingmine.Buttothewomanslowlyevolving—theonegroomedonanhourlybasisforsucha
future—wasafraid.

WouldIhavewhatittooktocontrolsuchaplace?
WasitwhatIwantedtodowithmylife?
“Ididn’tforgetyourbirthday.”Dadlinkedhishandsinfrontofhisvest.“Butyoualreadyknewthat

becauseyou’remydaughterandthebrightestgirlintheworld.”

Ismiled,droppingmyheadinembarrassment.Hispraiseneverfailedtowarmandcomfortme.I

wouldn’ttellhimI’dworriedtobeginwith.

Itrulythoughtyouforgot.
Hecontinued,“Todayisaveryspecialdayandnotjustbecauseyouwereborn.”Hepluckedapiece

oflintoffhisblazer,lookingeveryinchapowerfulCEOratherthanthelovingfatherIknew.

Nomatterwhereweweregoing,healwaysworeasuit.Hemademeadheretothesamestrict

wardrobeofpressedblouses,dresses,andsmarttrousers.Ididn’t,norhadIever,ownedapairofjeans.

Perhapstodaythatwouldbemypresent.
Isatquietly,politely,waitingforhimtocontinue.

“Ibroughtyoutoworktogiveyoutwopresents.”
Phew,hetrulydidn’tforget.
Itriedtohidemyeagerness.Iknewhowtocamouflagemytruefeelings.Imightbeachild,butIwas

bornanheiressandhadbeentaughttoactunaffectedineverysituation—goodorbad.

“Looktoyourright.”
Iobeyed,reachingouttotouchtheblackbinderthatalwaysrestedthere.Dadwouldbringithome

withimportantdocumentsinsidethentakeitbacktotheofficewithyetmorevitalpaperwork.Iwasnever
allowedtotouchitunlesshewasaround—andonlythentobringittohim.

Ihesitatedasmyfingersghostedoverthesoftleather.
Hesmiled.“Goon,youcanopenit.”
Ipulledittowardmeandcrackeditwide.There,likealltheothertimes,werewhite,crisppages

scarredwithmultipleblacklinesofadultjargon.

“Whatdoesitsayatthetop?”Hepoppedhismiddleblazerbuttonandperchedonthesideofthe

desk.Hislongframetoweredovermebutnotinabadway;morelikeawillowtreewhereIlikedtocurl
upandnapinCentralParkontheraredaysDaddidnothing.

“LastWillandTestamentofJosephMarkCharlston.”Myeyesracedtohis.“Dad...you’renot—”
Hereachedoutandpattedmyhand.“No,BellButton.Notyet.Butonecanneverbetoocareful.Up

untillastweek,myWillandTestamentlefttherunningofourfamily’scompanytoSteveuntilyoucameof
age.However,IneverfeltcomfortablebequeathingsuchresponsibilitytosomeoneoutsidetheCharlston
family.”

Ignawedonmylip.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Hepulledapenfromthesmallgoldholderonhisdesk.“ItmeansI’vehaditrevised.Ihavenoplans

toleavethisworldearly,sodon’tworryaboutthat.Andyou,mydear,arebeyondintelligentforyourage,
soIknowyou’lltakeallofthisinyourstride.Youreducationaboutourprocesses,factories,and
employeestructurewillbeaccelerated,andwhenyou’reready,you’llbecomeCEO,andI’llstepdown.”

Mymouthfellopen.Thatsoundedhard.WhenwouldIhavetimetogotoschoolandmakefriends

otherthanthestaffinthemakeupdepartmentwhereIhungoutwhenheworkedlate?

ButhowcouldIsayno?Iwasallhehad.HewasallIhad.Wehadtosticktogether.
Myheartlurched,needingconfirmationhewasn’tgoingtoleaveme,despitehisassurances.“You’re

notdying,though?”

Heshookhishead.“Never,ifIhadmyway.Thisisn’tmeanttoscareyou,Elle,buttoshowyouhow

proudIamofyou.Iwon’tdenythatitwillbesorewardingtohandoverthislegacysoonerratherthan
later,knowingwithallmyheartyouwilltakeittoevengreaterheightsthanIevercould.”Hepassedme
thepen.“Initialeachpageandsign.”

I’dsignedenoughcontractsevenatmyyoungagetoknowhowtodoit.Stocksthathe’dputinmy

name;ahousehe’dpurchasedinsomestateI’dneverheardof—evenalimitededitionpaintingthatcame
fromanauctionhouseinEngland.

Bendingoverthepaperwork,Icurledmyfingerstightaroundthepen,ignoringthesuddenshakes.

Thiswasnodifferentfromallthoseotherdocuments,yetitwassomuchmore.Thiswasmylife.This
wasmorethangrowingupandcelebratingabirthday.Thiswaseveryday,everymoment,everyfinalsay
thatwouldmanipulatemeuntilIwasDad’sage.Ididn’thavetheluxuryoffiguringoutifIwantedtobea
doctororanastronomer.I’dnevergototheOlympicsasaswimmer(eventhoughmyinstructorsaidIwas
morerockthandolphin).I’dneverbeanythingmorethanNoelleCharlston,heiressofBelleElle.

MyheartbeatwithastrangesqueezeasIplacedthepenonthepaper.
“Oh,waitasec.”Dadpressedtheintercomtoconnecthimtohisreceptionist.“Margaret,canyou

comein,please?”

Immediately,apretty,middle-agedredheadenteredandcameforward.Weekendswerenodifferent

fromweekdaysinthiscompany.“Yes,Mr.Charlston?”

“Ineedyoutoactasawitness.”
“Sure.”Shesmiledatmebutdidn’tsayanythingasIflippedthroughtheseventeenpagesandinitialed

each,thentookadeepbreathandsignedmyname.ThemomentI’dfinished,Dadgrinnedandspunthe
deedtoMargaret.“Yourturn.Signinthewitnessbox,please.”

Ipassedherthepen.
Shetookit.“Thankyou,Elle.”
Mynickname(notBellButton—whichremainedamysteryonhowitcameabout.Dadsaiditwas

somethingtodowithhowmuchIlovedbuttonswhenIwaslittle,andbellrhymedwithElle)reminded
mehowI’dbeennamedinaroundaboutwayforthefirstwifeofourcompany.Thewomanwho’dcreated
anempirebesideherhusbanduntilhe’ddiedofpneumonia,andsheruledonherownforfortymore
years.ElizabethEleanor—theoriginalBelleElle.

Scrawlinghersignature,Margaretpassedthecontractbacktomyfather.
Hesignedinthelastboxwithutmostconcentrationandanairofrelief.
“Isthatall,Mr.Charlston?”Margaretasked.
“Yes,thankyou.”Dadnodded.
Shegavemeasmallwave,beforeretreatingtoheradjoiningoffice,leavingDadandmealoneonce

again.

Helookedupfromsigning,hisoldereyesmeetingmine.Hisfacefell.“Whatisit?What’swrong?”
Ishrugged,doingmybesttoseemcarefreeandnotthinkabouthowbigofathroneIhadtofill.

“Nothing’swrong.”

Hefrowned.“Youlook...afraid.”
Iam.
I’mafraidofaworldwhereyou’regone,andI’mincharge.
I’mafraidofnotbeingthedaughteryouthinkIam.
Buthecouldneverknowthat.Thiswasmyduty.Mybirthright.Nomattermyageorexperience,I

knewenoughtoknowmyexistencewasalwaysdestinedforBelleElle.

Ismiled.“I’mnot.Thisisjustmyface.”
Hechuckled.“Allright,‘justyourface.’Seeingasgivingyouourlegacyforyourbirthday—ensuring

you’llforeverhavewealthandstability—isn’tapresenttogetexcitedabout,lookundermydesk.”

Happybutterfliesreplacedthefearfulmothsinmybelly.“Youmean...there’smore?”
Hiseyestwinkledwithfatherlylove.“Ofcourse,there’smore.Nowlook.”
Iscootedthechairbackandglancedbetweenmydanglinglegs.Tuckedagainstthebackwasabox

tiedwithabigpurpleandsilverribbon.

Thefearofresponsibilityandtheweirdobligationofhavingmylifealreadymappedoutforme

vanished.Ibouncedinthechair.“Yougotmeapresent!”

Hebentoverandkissedthetopofmyhead.“You’remyentireworld,Elle.I’dneverforgettheday

youcameintomylife.AndIwouldneverdreamofmakingyousignstuffydocumentswithoutgivingyou
somethingfunforyourbirthday.”

“Thankyousomuch!”Ibeamed,impatiencetoopenmypresentstampedingthroughme.
“Youdon’tknowwhatitisyet.”
“Idon’tcare.Iloveitalready.”Myeyeslatchedontothebox,desperatetoseewhatitwas.
Hetookpityonme.“Goon,openit.”
Ididn’tneedasecondinvitation.
Ploppingoffthechair,Icrawledonallfoursbeneathhishugedeskandtoreeagerlyattheribbon.It

fellaway,poolingonthecarpet.Crackingthelid,Ipeeredinside.

Thegloombeneaththedeskmadeithardtosee,butthenatinygrayfaceappeared.
“Oh!”Fullbodyshakesquakedthroughmeasexcitementandadorationexploded.“Oh!Oh!”I

reachedintotheboxandpulledoutthecutestballoffluffI’deverseen.Fallingontomybutt,Icuddledthe
kittenclose.“Yougotmeacat?”

Dadappeared,pushinghischairawayandduckingtomylevel.“Idid.”
“ButyousaidIcouldn’thaveanypets.Thatweweretoobusy.”
“Well,Ichangedmymind.”Heturnedserious.“IknowtheresponsibilityI’mputtingonyou,Elle.I

knowallofthisishardtofigureoutwhenyou’rebarelystartinglife.AndI’msorryyoudon’thavethe
freedomsomeofyourfriendsdo.I’vebeenstrictwithyou,butyou’resuchagoodgirl.IthoughtI’dbetter
giveyousomethingyouactuallywantedforachange.”

Icuddledthekittenharder.Itdidn’tsquirmawayortrytoswatmelikethecatinthepetstoredid

whenIsnuckinonmyownonedaywhileDadwasdistracted.Thisonepurredandnudgeditshead
beneathmychin.

Tearssprungtomyeyes.Lovebillowedandoverflowed.Somehow,Ilovedthislittlebundleasmuch

asIlovedmydad,andwe’donlyjustmet.

Gratefulnessquicklyovershadowedthelove,andIplacedthekittenonitsfeet,crawledasfastasI

couldtowardDad,andbarreledintohisarms.

“Thankyou.”Ikissedhisroughcheek.“Thankyou!”
Helaughed.Wrappingmeinatightembrace,hesmelledsocomfortinglyoflavendersoap.Thesame

soapMomusedtomakeandstankupthehousewithwhilecookinganewbatch.

“Thankyousomuch.Ilovehim.”
Thekittenpaddedtowardusandmountainclimbedontoourjointlap.
Dadshookhishead.“It’sagirl.She’stwelveweeksoldjustlikeyou’retwelveyearsold.”He

unwoundhisarmsasIpluckedthelittlekittenandburiedmyfaceinhersweetsmellinggrayfur.

“Whatareyougoingtocallher?”
Ifrowned,takingthequestionseriously.“Silver?”
“Silver?”
Ikissedherhead.“Herfurlookslikesilver.”
Dadchuckled.“Well,it’saperfectname.”
“No,wait.Sage.”
“Sage?”
“IwanttocallherSage.”
Hedidn’tneedtoknowIrememberedmostoftheherbsandaromatherapyoilsMomusedtomake

lotionsandsoaps.Sagewasthelastherbshe’dgivenmealessonon,andtheleaveshadasilverfuzz
overthem.WheneverIthoughtofthatday,MomfeltcloserandnotsofarawayinHeaven.

Inoddedfirmlywithmydecision.“Yes,hernameisSage.”
Hegatheredmecloseagain,kissingthetopofmyhead.“Whateveryoudecide,Ihopeshelooksafter

you,likeyou’lllookafterher.”

Irubbedmynoseagainstthekitten’scold,wetone,shiveringagainsttheweirdsensation.“Shewill.

She’sgoingtocometoworkwithmeeveryday.”Ihunched,cradlingmynewbest-friend.“Isthatokay?
Canshecometoworkwithme?”

Dad’sfacefellagain.Whathesaidwastrue.Hewasstrictwithme,buthewasstrictwithhimself,

too.HemissedMomjustasmuchasIdid.DidhethinkIwouldn’tlovehimasmuchnowIhadapet?

Ireachedupandtouchedhissandpapercheek.“Iloveyou.”
Lightreturnedtohisgrayeyes.Hehuggedmetightonhislap,ourlittletriosquishingintooneentity

forasecond.“Iloveyou,too,Elle.Andyoudon’thavetoaskifyoucanbringSagetowork.She’syours.
Aslongasshe’snotontheshopfloor,youcantakehertotheofficesanddowhateveryouwant.”

IsighedinhappinessasSagenavigatedthecliff-topcreatedbyourlegs.“You’rethebestdadever.”
Hissmilefaded,thejoyofthemomentlostasheshookhishead.“I’mnot,Elle.IknowIcannever

replaceyourmotherandIknowI’maskingsomuchofyoutopickupthemantleofthiscompanysoyoung,
butIloveyoumorethananything,andI’msogratefultohaveyouinmylife.”

Hiswordswereheavyforatwelve-year-old.Andtheyremainedheavyevenyearslater.
Thatbirthdaywasingrainedintomymemoriesfortwobigreasons.
One,IwouldneverbelonelyagainthankstoSagebeinginmyworld.
Andtwo,Dadknewwhathewassentencingmetoanddiditanyway.
IthoughtBelleEllealreadyownedme.
Iwaswrong.

ChapterTwo

SEVENYEARSLATER

WHOKNEWTURNINGnineteenwouldbesuchasadday?

IsniffedbackastupidtearasIinputtedend-of-the-monthfinancialfiguresintothespread-sheetto

preparefortheM.M.M.—alsoknownastheMondayMorningMeeting.

I’dbeenattheofficesinceseventhirty—justasIhadeverymorningsinceIlefthighschoolatsixteen.

I’dleftbecauseI’dlearnedallthegenericlifehackstheteachershadintheirarsenalsanddidn’thavethe
time,ortheneed,togotouniversitybeforemybirthrightgobbledmeupentirely.

BelleEllewasmyuniversity,andI’dbeenattendingnightsandonweekendsmyentirelife.Asfaras

myknowledgeandskillswent,IwascapableofrunningthiscompanyevenbeforeIhittwenty.

Myfatherhadmadesureofit.
Iwasnolongeralonelylittlegirlcravingthefreedomofherpeers.Butaresignedyoungwomanwho

carriedthelivelihoodsofthousandsofstaffuponhershoulders.ItwasuptometoensureBelleElleran
smoothlyandmadeaprofittofillthepaypacketsandmakesureemploymentcontinued.

Myhardworkandlonghourswererewardedwithpositiveyieldsandexcitingbusinessexpansions.I

earnedsatisfactionfromnewcontractsandcheaperproductioncosts.I’dneverbeentoapartyoracted
outbecauseworkbegantooearlytostayuplate.

Ilivedandbreathedmerchandiseandbalancesheets.
AndI’mfinewiththat.
Iknewnootherlife.Ihadnorighttofeelsotrapped.Ihadanamazingfather,anincrediblefuture,and

everythingIcouldeverwant.I’dbeengivensomuch,butthepriceofsuchpowerandgreatnesswasthe
removalofsomanythingsI’dneverenjoyed.

I’dneverhadfriendsbecausewhowantedtohangaroundageekwhodidn’tknowhowtoplay?I’d

neverwalkedaroundthecityonmyownbecausetheworldwasfartoodangerous.I’dnevergotteninto
troubleordoneanythingreckless.Mydaysweresurroundedbybodyguards,drivers,andmanagers.

ThegirlsIknewfromschoolonlypretendedtolikemewhenIgavethemdiscountsondressesand

shoes.Infact,theweekbeforejuniorprom,I’dsuddenlybecomethemostpopulargirlinschool,onlyto
hearthemwhisperinginthechangingroomsatBelleElleabouthowmuchtheyweresavingthanksto
lyingtomyfaceaboutfriendshipandthediscountI’dgiventhem.

AndtheboyswereafraidofmebecauseIspokelikeanadultandcrunchedreal-timespread-sheetsin

mathratherthansolvedthebasicalgebraequationonthewhiteboard.

Iwasneveralonebutforeverlonely.
Ifitweren’tforSage,I’dprobablyhaverunawaybynow.ButIcouldn’tleaveher,andIdefinitely

couldn’tleavemyfather.

Theyneededme.
Everyoneneededme.
Thinkingofthelittlefluffballmadeherappear.Thesleek,prettycathoppedupontomydesk,

deliberatelyknockingovertheoldTic-Tacholderfullofpaperclips.Sheswatteditagainforgood
measure.

Instantly,thestressofthedayandacheinmybackfromhunchingoveradeskfortoolongreceded.

“Hellotoyou,too.”

Shemeowed,hercutegrayfacescrunchingupasifshedisapprovedofmeworkingpastdarkonce

again.

EversinceDadgavehertome,she’dneverleftmyside.Theonlytimeshewasn’twithmewaswhile

Iwasatschool,butseeingasthatwasoverafewyearsago,shewasnowmysilentsilvershadow.She
traveledonmynecklikealivingscarfandtrottedaftermewhenIhostedmeetingswithmenthreetimes
myage—whotriedtotripmeupandbelittlemeatthestartofmyreign.TheysoonlearnedImightbe
young,butIknewthiscompanybetterthananyofthem.

BelleEllewasmymother,mybest-friend,andboyfriend.
Itwasmyworld.
TakingofftheblackframedreadingglassesI’dtakentowearingafterstaringatalaptopforhoursata

time,IscoopedSageupbyhermiddleanddraggedherontomylap.

Shepurredloudlyasshehead-buttedmychest.Ikissedthebackofherneck,nuzzlingintoher.Herfur

wasassoftasspunmoonlight;herpurrtheonlythingthatmademeshedtheconstantfeelingofanxiety
anddespondency.

“YouknowhowIfeel,right?”
Shepurredlouder.
“AmIahorriblepersonforfeelingtrapped?”
Shepulledaface.
“Idoeverythingthat’saskedofme.Itakeovermoreandmoreelementsofthecompanywithno

refusal.Ilovemyfatherwitheveryboneinmybody.I’vededicatedmylifetomakinghimproud.Ihave
self-worth,wealth,andtheknowledgethatI’llneverhavetoaskforanything.”Ipressedmyfacedeeper
intoherfur,doingmybesttostemtheunwantedself-pity.“SowhydoIfeelsolost,Sage?Whycan’tI
shedtheideasomuchmoreisouttherebesideswork?”

Shemeowed,jumpingfrommyarmstomydeskandwalkingacrossmykeyboardtoscatterqwerty

keystrokesinboxeswhereonlynumbersbelonged.Itriedtogetmad,toyellatherbecauseshe’djust
causedanothertenminutes’worthofworktodeletehertamperingandensurethenumbersI’dinputted
werestillcorrect.

ButIcouldn’t.
Becauseworkwasmylife,andlifewasmywork.Ihadnowheretobe,noonetosee—nothing

demandedanythingofmebutBelleElle.

“Maybethat’smyproblem?”
Sageflickedhertail.
“MaybeIneedtoforgetaboutworkforachangeanddosomethingcompletelydifferent.”Standing,I

movedtowardthefloor-to-ceilingglasswindowsandlookeduponNewYorkbelow.Twinklinglights,
cars,andpedestriansappearedanddisappearedbeneathstreetlightslikedifferentbugs—somelarge,
somesmall—butallofthemmovingwithpurpose.

Whatwoulditbeliketobedowntherewiththem?Towearjeans(gasp)andeatfoodfromastreet

vendor(oh,no)?Tobeonmyown,ratherthanwatchedbyadriverandbodyguard.

Don’tIdeservetoknowwhatelseisouttherebeforeIgiveupeverything?
Today,I’dturnednineteen.
Iwasoldenoughtohavesexbutnotoldenoughtodrink.Iwasoldenoughtorunabillion-dollar

companybutnotoldenoughtowanderaloneinacitypromisingsuchadventure.

Myfingersflewtomyneck,clutchingthebeautifulsapphirestarnecklacemyfatherhadpresentedme

withthismorning.We’dbothbeenpressedfortimebuthe’dsentthecookaway,andtogether,we’d
whiskedupbuttermilkbatterandcreatedamismatchofblueberrypancakesbeforehegavememygift.

It’dbeenawonderfulmorning,andI’dtreasuredhiscompany,thepancakes,andmynecklace,butI

couldn’thelpfeelinglikesomethingwasmissing.

Momwasmissing,ofcourse.
Butsomethingelse.
Someoneelse...afriendontwolegsinsteadoffour.
Afteranhourtogether,DadandIhadheadedtoworkandlostourselvesinthecogsofsucha

demandingmistress.

Ididn’tknowifhewasstillinhisofficeworkinglate,justlikehewouldneverknowifIsnuckout

andpretendedtobeagirlfromadifferentlifeforthenight.

Wait...what?
Theideacameoutofnowhere.Thebetrayalandwillingnesstosneakbehindmyfather’sbackwasa

horrid,terribleconcept.Yet...soenticinglyexciting.

Youcoulddoit...justforonenight.
Dowhat?
ThefivepointsofthesapphirestarbitintomyfingersasIglancedatthecongestedstreetbelow

again.

Beoneofthem.
Dowhattheydo.
Gowheretheygo.
Befree.
Myheartbashedmyribsastheideaslowlymanifestedintopotential.
TomorrowwasyetanotherdaybelongingtoBelleElle.Buttonight?Tonightwasmynineteenth

birthday,andI’dyettogivemyselfagift.

CouldIdoit?
CouldIbebraveenoughtoleavemyworldandeverythingIknewinordertosamplewhatIcould

neverhave?

CouldIseeksomethingIdidn’tknowhowtofind?
Sagewrappedherselfaroundmyankle,headbuttingmewithapproval.Oratleast,I’dtakeitas

approvalbecausesuddenly,Icouldn’timaginenotdoingit.

TheprisongatesI’dlivedbehindallmylifecreakedwithrustandwhinedwithdisapproval,slowly

hingingwide.Ihadafewshorthoursbeforetheclockstrucktwelveandtheenchantmentofmybirthday
wouldvanish.

It’snowornever.
Tonight,Iwouldgiveintomyurgesandtastefreedomforthefirsttime.
Andtomorrow,IwouldstopthesechildishregretsandfullyembracemycrownastheBelleElle

empress.

ChapterThree

MYFIRSTSTOPwastheshopfloorofBelleElle.

Beingourflagshiplocation,themerchandisesectiontookupmultiplelevelsoftheskyscraper.We

soldeverythingfromtop-of-the-linetechnologytobabytoysandeverythingin-between,andIknewevery
nookandcranny.I’dspentthemajorityofmylifehelpingdesigndisplaysandsolvingstockissues.

Butnottonight.
Tonight,Iwasn’tthereonbusiness.
Takingtheelevatordownfromtheoffices,Iswipedmykeycardandenteredmypasscodetoprevent

thealarmsgoingoff.Thestorehadshuttothepublicanhourago,andthehushedworldofcottonandsilk
welcomedme.

Iclippedinredhighheelspastpantsuitsandhigh-fashionattirestraighttotheteenagersdepartment.

EversinceI’dsignedDad’sLastWillandTestament—andevenbeforethat—I’ddressedlikeawoman.
I’dneverdressedinagarmentwithapopularquoteorprofanitylikethekidsatmyschool.I’dnever
wornanythingvaluedatlessthanfourhundreddollars.

Thatwasabouttochange.
Browsingtheracksofdiamanteencrustedjeansandoff-the-shouldertops,Ifoundmyselfcritiquing

thedisplayandpositionofthemannequinsratherthanshoppingforanoutfit.

Stopit.
You’reacustomerrightnow,nottheboss.
Forcingmyselftoexhaleandloosenmyshouldersfromstress,Istoppedbesideatablewith

discounteddenim.Igraspedthepairneatlyfoldedontopandshookit.Thebaby-bluewashedjeanshada
skinnylegandsilverembroideryonthepockets.

IdidmybestnottorecallthecostofbulkbuyingthesefromTaiwan.HowI’dplacedtheorderatthe

startoflastyeartobeoutforthisseason.How,evenonsale,wewerestillmakingmoneybecausethat
washowbusinessesworked.Pricehighandthenslowlydiscountuntilnomoreremainedinstock,our
marginsslowlynarrowingbutstillprofitable.

Ugh,stopit.
You’renotanheiresstonight.You’rejustElle.Anineteen-year-oldabouttobreakalltherulesand

goout.

Whatwouldmydriver,David,saywhenIdidn’tcallhiminafewhourstotakemehome?What

wouldDadsayifIhadsomuchfuntonightandIdidn’treturnhomeuntildaybreak?

Doesitmatter?
Youhavetodothisforyourself.
You’reanadult.
Clutchingthosethoughts,Istolethepairofjeans,pilferedanoff-the-shouldercreamandblacktop

fromtherackbesideit,scoopedupablacklacescarffromthenewarrivalpodium,andtradedthe
clothingdepartmentfortheshoeemporium.

IfIwasgoingtowalkaroundNewYorkuntilmidnight,Ihadtowearcomfyshoes.
Myblood-redheelswouldhavetogo.
Eyeinguparackofrecentlyorderedsneakers,Idecidedonapairofwhiteoneswithrosegoldpiping

—somethingIwouldneverbeallowedtowearasthefigureheadofabillion-dollarcompany.

I’dwornheelseverydayofmylifesinceIcouldremember.Theonlydifferencewastheywerelower

whenIwasachild,andnow,theyweresoaring,sharpstilettos.

Takingmynewwardrobeintooneofthechangingrooms,Ionceagainfoundmyselfassessingthe

locksonthedoorsandthewobbleinthemirrorfromthesecond-rateglass.Noflawsshouldexistinany
aspectofoursalesexperience.

Imadeanotetohaveallthemirrorsreplacednexttimeweoverhauledthisdepartment.
Slippingfrommypencilskirtandblackblouse,Irolleddownmystockingsandfrownedatmy

underwear-cladform.TheblackbraofferedsupporttomygenerousB-cups,butwouldthestrapslook
hookerishpeekingoutfromtheoff-the-shouldertop?

Ihadnoexperiencedressinglikethis,eventhoughI’dgonetocountlessrunwayshowsandhand

selectedthelatestfashions.

Suckitupandstopprocrastinating.
Tuggingthetightjeanson,Islippedthetopovermyheadandsecuredthelacyscarfaroundmythroat.

Imadesureithunglooselysoasnottocoverthebluestarglitteringonmyskin.

Ugh,no.
Iyankedthescarfoffagainanddrapeditoverthedoor.
Itwasn’tneeded.
Itouchedthesapphirestar.ThiswouldkillmyfatherifheknewhowunhappyIwasafterhe’dgiven

meeverything.IcouldneverexplaintheemptinessinsidewhenIwassoblessedontheoutside.AndI
couldneveradmitthatI’dheardhimdiscussingmylovelifewithStevetheotherday.Wonderingifnow
wasthetimetoparademeinfrontofNewYork’sfinestbachelorsinordertofindawillingright-hand
partnertorunBelleElle.

IshudderedasItradedmystilettosforthewhitesneakers.Thethoughtofgivingmylifetoacompany

that’dalwaysbeentherewasonething.Theideaofsharingmylifewithamanwhowouldnever
understandmewasappalling.

Ameowsounded,followedbythestreakofsilverfurasSageappearedunderthechangingroom

door.

Iscowled.“Whatareyoudoingdownhere?”
Ioughttoregretteachinghertojumpupandswatthebuttonsontheelevator.ShewaslikeHoudini

withherabilitytochasemedownanywhereinthebuilding,nomatterifI’dkeptherinmyofficeortaken
hertoameeting.

“Youknowyou’renotallowedontheshopfloor.”
SheflickedhertailandleapedontothesmallstoolwhereI’dplacedmypencilskirt.Shemeowed

againthenlickedherpaw.

“Youalsoknowyoucan’tcomewithmetonight,right?”
HerheadwrenchedupasifI’dutteredsometerriblecurse.
Shespreadherclawsandlickedbetweenthem,daringmetosaysuchblasphemyagain.
Iignoredherdisplayoffelineannoyance,pushingheroffmyuniform.“Youheardme,Sage.Don’t

pretendotherwise.”Bundlingtheclothesup,ItookonelastlookinthemirroranddecidedIlooked
sufficientlyteenagerish.IsurelookednothingliketheheadhonchoofBelleElle.

“Good.”Inodded,fluffingupmyblondehairthatcascadeddownmybacktomywaist.Dad

constantlymoanedformetohaveitcut,butitwasmyonerebellion.Thelengthwasn’tpractical,and
mostofthetime,Ijustletitairdryintomessywaves.Theonlypartoftheperfectrule-abidingCEOthat
waswild.

Headingbacktotheshopfloor,Igrabbedashoppingbagfrombeneathoneofthemanycashier

stationsandtuckedmyexpensiveclothesinside.Oncefoldedneatly,Ituckedtheglossybagintothe
cupboardbeneaththetillwheremanilafoldersrestedwithdailytasksandchecklists.

TwomorethingsandthenIwouldbereadytogo.
Ineedacoatincaseitgetscoldandsomecash.
Ihadn’tbroughtmyhandbagdownfrommyoffice.Notthatitwould’vemadeadifferenceifIhad.
Ihadnocash.IfIneededsomething,myassistantboughtitforme.Ionlyhadacreditcardfor

emergencies(notthatI’deverusedit),andmyI.Dbadgetoaccessrestrictedpartsofthebuilding.

Sagejoinedmefromthechangingroomandprowleddowntheaisle,draggingmyattentiontoasmall

tablewithfunkypursesondisplay.SeeingasI’dstolenjeans,atop,andapairofshoesalready,I
supposedtakingapursewouldn’tmatter.

Andhell,whileIwasatit,Imightaswelltakesomespendingmoney,seeingastherewouldn’tbe

anyonetobuymeanythingtonight.

Usingtheuniversalkeyattachedtomylanyardandbadge,Iunlockedthecashregisterandlookedat

thefloat.Therewerenobigbills,onlyregimentedchangereadyforanewdayoftransactions.Therestof
theday’stakingswouldalreadybecounted,bound,andinourvault,readyforabankrun.

Nomatter.
Threehundreddollarsintwenty-dollarbillswouldbefine.
Takingthewad,IwroteaquicknoteonaPost-it:NoelleCharlstonborrowed$300inpettycash.

Pleasecontactherassistant,FleurHemmings,onextension#4456toreimburseformorningbusiness.

Iplaceditwherethebillshadbeen(sonoonewouldgetintotroubleformissingmoney),closedthe

till,andheadedtowardthepursedisplay.Selectingonewithagraffitiskullonablackbackground,I
tuckedthecashinside.Thelonelinessandstrangelostnessinsidemeslowlytrickledaway,blossoming
intofearandexcitement.

IflashedtheskullwalletatSage.“See,IcanbearebelifIwantto.”
Shelickedherlips,herwhiskersquivering.
Steppingaroundher,Ibeelinedforthefinalthingonmylist.
I’dneverwornanythinglessthanthousanddollarcashmerecoats.However,tonightIwouldwear...
Itappedmyfingers,deliberatingthejacketchoice.
Tonight,I’llwearapatentleatherblackbomberwithapricetagof$19.99.
Pullingitoffthehanger,Ifondledthecheapmaterial.I’dalwayswantedtowearsomethinglikethis.

AsIslippediton,twoemotionsskittered:terrorandthesuddendesiretoreturnalltheclothestowhere
theybelonged,andeagerfrustrationtobeginmyexplorationoftheBigApple.

Iwasafraid.
Iwasexcited.
Iwassosickofbeingshelteredandonlybeinggoodatonething.
It’stimeforthattochange.
“Happybirthdaytome.”Ituckedthewalletintomybomberjacketpocket,scoopedSagefromthe

floorandrubbedhernosewithmine.“Iloveyou,butyoucan’tcome.”

Herlittlefacepouted.
“Don’tlookatmelikethat.Iwon’tbegonelong.”
Shemeowedsadly.
Myheartsqueezed,butIsteeledmyselfagainstherguilttripandheadedtowardtheelevators.

Walkingwassomucheasierandcomfierinsneakersthanheels.Nowonderpeoplechoosethemover
fashion.

“I’msorry,Sage,butit’sonlyonenight.”Holdingherfirmwithonehand,Ipressedthebuttonto

summontwoelevators.

Onetogoupandonetogodown.
Theuponecamefirst,andIploppedherintoit.Givingherasmile,Ipressedmyofficelevelonthe

topfloor.“Goback.Curlupinyourbasket.Youwon’tevennoticeI’mgone.”

Shemeowedagainasthedoorsslowlyclosed.
Iwhispered,“Don’tlookatmelikethat.Ithurtstoomuch.”
Ihuggedmyselfthemomentshe’dgone,feelingutterlyaloneandterrified.
WhyamIdoingthis?
Ishouldforgetitandjustgohome.
Butthenthedownelevatorpingedandwaitedformetobebraveandcommittoonenightawayfrom

BelleElle.

Hesitantly,fearfully,Isteppedintoitandpreparedtobecomesomeoneelse.
Someonefree.

ChapterFour

EVERYTHINGseemeddifferent.

Everythingisdifferent.
Theairtastedricher.Thetrafficsoundedlouder.Thetemperaturefeltcooler.Eventhesensationof

cheapvinylaroundmyshouldersandcushysneakersonmyfeetwasdifferent.

NineteenyearsandthiswasthefirsttimeI’dbeenintroducedtotheworldwithoutfineryorrules

keepingmebarricadedfromliving.

Iinhaleddeep,coughingalittleasataxispewedexhaust.Theburninmythroatwassoforeigntothe

filteredairoftheBelleEllebuildingthatIgrinnedratherthangrimaced.

Thepursewithitscashwhisperedtobespent,andmyidentificationbadgeremainedhiddeninmy

pocket,remindingmewhoIwasandhowirresponsibleIwasbeing.

IhadnophoneforDadtocontactme.NomethodofcommunicationorwayofcallingforhelpifIgot

lostorintotrouble.

Iwaswillingtoputmyselfatriskjusttolivealittle;totasteadifferentlifetotheoneI’dbeengiven.
Icouldn’tlieandsayitwasn’texhilarating,butitwasalsoabsolutelyterrifying.
ThosefirstfewstepsawayfromBelleEllephysicallyhurt.Theacheinmychestatdisappointingmy

fatherhollowedmeoutuntilevenmyexcitementatdoingsomethingnewcouldn’tfill.

Afewtimes,Isecond-guessedmyselfandalmostturnedaround.Istopped,spun,andlookedbackat

thehugehulkingbuildingwheretheshoppingmegastorewasrun.

ButthenIremindedmyselfifIdidn’tdothis,Iwouldneverknowwhatitwasliketobenormal.SoI

suckeditup,turnedbackaround,andputonesneakeredfootinfrontoftheother,slowlyenteringthe
empireofdowntownNewYork.

Strangersbumpedintome,touristsaskedmetotaketheirphotograph,andstreetvendorsyelledabout

theirwaresdirectlyintomyface.

Thesensoryoverloadslowlyerodedmyshameforsneakingoutandforcedmetopayattentionto

everyminorthing.

Forhours,Iwalked.
Istared.
Ibreathed.
Iletlifetakemewhereveritwantedforachange.IhadnoideawhereIwasgoingorhowtogetback,

butIletmyfeetgetmelostbecauseIhadmoneytocatchataxihome.Iknewmyaddress—Iwasn’tthat
sheltered.IcouldaffordtogowhereverIwanted,andattheendofmyadventureshopinacabandreturn
withanewdepthtomyexistence.AndasecretIwouldhappilyharborforever.

Atsomepoint,Imust’vedoneablockandloopedbackonmyself,soinsteadofturningleftwhenI

arrivedatTimesSquare,IturnedrightandcontinuedlettingthecityshowmewhatI’dbeenmissing.

FlashingbillboardstriedtoconvincemeIneededthelatestJeepandHummer.Hollywoodstarsand

starletsglowedinLEDwonderwithsnippetsofupcomingmovies.MadameTussaudspromisedwonders
foreverencapsulatedinwax,andRipley’sBelieveItorNot!beckonedmetoseethingsnotcommonin
everydaylife.

Walkingpastasouvenirshop,abunchofclocksheldupbyminiStatuesofLibertyshowedI’d

wanderedforawhile.

Tenp.m.
Bynow,ifI’dstucktomyroutine,Iwouldbeathome,freshfromaquicktreadmill-runandshower.I

wouldanswerafewlast-minuteemailsandcrawlintobedtoreadthelatestromancebeforemyeyes
closedandthee-readerboppedmeonthehead.

Nottonight.
Tonight,strangerssmiledoryelled—dependingiftheywantedmetodosomethingforthemorgetout

oftheway.Ieithermovedtoofastortooslow,unabletofallintotherhythmofthemismatchedcrowdI’d
adopted.Myjacketoverheatedmefromwalkingandbeingcrampedintostreetswithsweatypeoplemade
meclaustrophobic.Myfeetwereflat,andmytummywasempty.

Butnothingcoulddetractfromhowfreeingandawe-inspiringeveryexperiencewas.
Turninganothercorner,IspottedafoodtruckpromisingthebestMexicanthissideoftheborder.

Hadn’toneofmybucketlistitemsbeentoeatfromastreetvendor?

Itmightmakeyousick.
Yes,itmight.ButfoodpoisoningwouldbeyetanotheradventureI’dlongbeendenied.Pullingthe

pursefrommypocket,Ijoinedthequeueandwaitedmyturn.AsIshuffledtothefront,Icranedmyneck
tolookattheguyleeringdowninagrease-spottedapron.

“WhatcanIgetcha?”Hechewedapieceofgum,fingerstwirlinghispencilinimpatience.
Inarrowedmyeyesatthemenubehindhim.“Um,whatdoyourecommend?”
Hescoffed.“Recommend?Lady,doIlooklikeIhavetimetoshoottheshitwithyou?”Hepointedat

thecrowdbehindmewithhispencil.“Hurryup.Igotpayingpeopletofeed.”

Iopenedmywalletandpulledoutatwenty.“I’lljusthavesomethingchicken.”Ihandedhimthe

money.“Oh,andnothot.Idon’tlikespice.”

“Gotit.”Hesnorted.“Chickenandbland.Boringorderforaboringgirl.”
Itensed.“Excuseme?”
Helookedmeupanddown.“Beatit,princess.Yourorderwillbereadyinfiveminutes.Pick-upisat

thewindowdownthetruck.”Hetossedmeadirtyten-dollarbill.“Here’syourchange.”

Icurledmyfingersaroundthemoney,annoyanceandhurtmakingequalacidtracksinsideme.I’d

neverbeentalkedtothatway.Noonedared.

Thefacthe’dcalledmeboring,whenIcompletelyagreedwithhim,pissedmeoffevenmore.I

waddedupthemoneyandthrewitathim.“Knowwhat?Addabeefsomethingorothertothatorder,too.
Andmakeitextraspicy.”

Iwalkedofftowardthecollectionwindowbeforehecouldinsultmeanymore.

ChapterFive

THEBEEFWASabadidea.

Aftercollectingmydinner,IstrolledtowardTimesSquarewhereafewtablesandchairshadbeen

placedformillingpedestrians.Thetablewasfilthy,thechairrickety,butI’dnevereatenwithsuch
vibrancyasmyentertainmentbefore.

ThetinfoilwrappedburritosteamedwithflavorasIopeneditandinhaled.Determinedtoprovethe

greasymanwrong,Itookabiteofthebeef,chewed,andgrinned.

It’snotsobad.
Thentheheatbegan.
Mytongueshrivelledup.
TheMexicanfoodkickedmehard.Quickerandhotteruntilmygrinswitchedtoagasp,wheezingin

spicyagony.

Water!
Oh,myGod,Ineedwater.
MyeyesstreamedwithtearsasIgrabbedbothburritos,leftmycommandeeredtable,andbolted

towardtheconveniencestoreblinkingwithbillboardsofice-coldwaterandcolabottles.

Charginginside,Iyankedopenaglass-frontedfridge,grabbedawater,andtoreoffthecap.Idowned

itinthreeseconds.Andstill,thefireburnedmytongueandlips.

Gasping,Igrabbedachocolatemilk.
Strugglingwiththecap,Ifinallygotitopenandtookafewgreedysips.Thefull-fatmilkhelped

tempersomeofthehatefulrage.Iexhaledasighofrelief.

“Ihopeyou’regoingtopayforthat.”Ashopgirlwithpinkhairraisedaneyebrow.
Wipingmylipswiththebackofmyhand(somethingIwouldneverdoinmyrealworld),Inodded

andcollectedanotherwaterbottlewhilesomehowhuggingmymostly-untouchedburritos.“Yes,sorry.
Thespicecaughtmeunaware.”

Shegrinned.“Ohshit,didyoupissoffPete?”
“Pete?”Iplacedthetwowaterbottles(onefull,oneempty)andthehalf-drunkchocolatemilkontothe

conveyerbelt.

Theshopkeeperpassedthemoverthescanner,ringingupthesale.“Yeah,theguywhoownsthe

Mexicanstreetmeat.”Shegiggled.“Hemakesameantaco,butman,he’scruelonthehotsauce.”

Iranmytongueovermystillstinginglips.“Ikindofaskedforit.”Shrugging,Ismiled.“Idon’tgetout

much.Iwasn’tawarenottoantagonizefoodsellers.”

Shebaggedmypurchases.“Yep,everyoneknowsthat.Especiallynottopissoffthestreetkings.”
Idugintomywalletandpulledoutatwenty.Shetookit,openedtheregister,thenpassedmemy

change.Thefactshespoketomewithnotensionorconcernmademerelax.

Iwassousedtotalkingtowomenfromaboss-employeerelationship.Noonejokedinmypresence

ortoldmewhattodoincaseIfiredthem.Andthosewhodidtrytobefriendmeonlydidsofora
promotionorraise.

Icouldtastefakerylikearottenapple.
Wesharedanothersmilebeforeawkwardnesscreptin.Ididn’tknowhowtoendafriendly

conversationorevenwhentoleaveafterbuyingsomething.

Thegirlsavedmefromstandingtherelikeanidiot.“Well,youhaveagoodnight.Anddon’tpissoff

anymorepeople,youhear?”

Inodded.“Gotit.Thanksforyourhelp.”
“Nosweat.”Shegavemeasmallwavebeforedisappearingfromthetilltofinishstockingashelf

withchips.

MakingsureIhadbothburritosandmyvaluableliquidstogetmethroughthefire-breathingdragonof

Pete’srevenge,Ilefttheshopandre-enteredthemanicworldofshoppersandtourists.

Iduckedandjivedthroughthecrowd,intendingtositbackdownandtrytheblanderchickenburrito,

onlytofindmytableandchairhadbeennabbedbyafamilywiththreeyoungchildrenwhoblinked
glassy-eyedwithtirednessintheglowofthebrightneonlights.

Alltheothertableswereoccupied.
Oh,well.
Idon’tmind.Icanwalkandeat.
Laughtercaughtmyears.IglancedatatabletwodownfromwhereIstood,wherefourteenagegirls

sat.MylipstwitchedtoshareintheirjokeasIlookedatwhattheywerelaughingat.Horrorslammedinto
meinstead.

Theysneeredandgiggledatanelderlyhomelessmanpickingupaluminumcansinatrashbag.
Iachedforhimandthehopelessnessofhissituation.Hewasfullyawareofthejokesandwhispers,

doinghisbesttoignorethegirlsashechasedacancaughtinapuffofwind.

I’dbeenontheoppositeendofhomelessnessallmylife.I’dbeenbornintoarolethatwouldensure

I’dneverknowthepainofcoldandhunger.I’dbeengivensomuch,andwhathadIdone?I’drunaway
forthenightlikeanunappreciativeteenager.

WhatwasIthinking?
Embarrassmentcoatedmyinsides.Icouldn’tlookattheclothesI’dtakenfromBelleElleorthefood

I’dboughtwithmoneygrabbedfromthetill.ThingsIhadeveryrighttousebutsomehowfeltlikeI’d
stolenandbrokenmyfather’strust.

Thegirlscontinuedtolaughasacanrolledoutoftheman’strashbagthroughatearinthebottom.
Iwantedtoslapthemfortheirimmaturityandlackofempathy.IwantedtoforgetI’deverthoughtI

wantedtobeatypicalgirlratherthanwhoItrulywas:acapableyoungwomanwhowouldneverstandby
whileanotherwasridiculed.

Marchingtowardthehomelessmanwhoknockedonfifty(Dad’sage)withascruffygraybeardand

holeybeanie,Istoppedandpickedupthecan.“Hereyougo.”

Hefroze.
Thewayhewatchedwithtrepidationandsuspicionlaceratedmyheart.Hisentirebodywaitedfor

abuse,fearingwhatothermisfortuneI’dbringintohislife.

“It’sokay.”Iurgedhimtotakethedinged-upcan.
Hedid,reluctantly.
Oncehe’dtuckedthecanintohisbag,Ilookedatthegauntnessinhisfaceandthewayhelickedhis

lipsatmyburritos.

Myownhungervanished.
“Here.”Ipushedtheplasticbagcontainingthewaterandchocolatemilk,followedbytheburritos,

intohisarms.“Youhavethem.I’veonlytakenonebite.I’mnotcontagious,Ipromise.”

Hismouthfellopenashecradledtheicydrinksandhotfood.
AwkwardnessfellandtearsIdidn’tunderstanditchedmyspine.Thelookinhiseyeswasfullof

shockanduttergratefulness.

Hequicklystuffedthefoodintothebaggypocketsofhisjacketandswiggedthehalf-emptychocolate

milkuntilitwasgone.Wipinghislipswiththebackofhishand,hemurmured,“Thankyou.”

Ismiled.“You’rewelcome.”
Iknewitwastimetoleave.ButIcouldn’twalkaway—notyet.
Pullingmywalletout,Itookthetwenties,minuseightydollarsforme(asemergencyfundstoget

home),andplacedthemintohishand.“Please,havethisaswell.Eatandhaveanightinahotel
somewhere.”

Hecurledhisfingerstightlyaroundthemoney.“Idon’tknowwhattosay.”
“Don’tsayanything.”Isteppedaway.“Haveagoodnight.AndI’msorryforthosegirlslaughingat

you.That’sterriblyrude.We’renotalllikethat.”

Heblinkedasifcomingoutofafugue.
“Goodbye.”IwalkedawayfeelingbetterandhappierthanIhadin...well,forever.

ChapterSix

ELEVENP.M.ANDthenoveltyofwalkingaroundabustlingcityhadbeguntowear.

Ididn’twanttospendanymoremoneyonfood—justincaseataxicostovereighty.Ihadnoideahow

muchtransportationwouldbetogethome.

MyfeetachedfromallthemilesI’dtraveled.Mybackhurtfromnotbeingusedtostanding.Andthe

crowdsteadilybecamelesspoliteandmoredisorderlyasthenightgrewlater.

Thejostlingoflimbsandpushinessmademenervous,andthoughtsofreturningtoaquietbedroom

whereIknewwhoIwasandhowtoplaybytherulesenticedme.

Steppingfromthecurb,Ishotacrosstheroad(narrowlymissingaspeedingcar),andstoodonthe

cornerwhereapileofrubbishhadgatheredfrompassingpedestriansandshop-frontsreadyfor
collection.

Ilookedupanddowntheroad,hopingtoseetheyellowglintofacab.Ihatedthatonlyafewhours

intomybidforfreedom,Ialreadywantedtogohome.Itrulywasaboringgirllikethefoodvendorhad
said.

ButatleastI’dexploredonmyown.
IknownowI’mnotmissinganything.
Icanputmychildishwhimsbehindmeandagreethegrassisnotgreenerontheotherside.
Istoodforafewminutes,waitingforaridebutnothingcame.Decidingtochangemyposition,I

joinedthecrowdsagainandcarriedonalittlefurther.Oncethecongestionthinnedout,Istoodinfrontof
asmallalleyandresumedmysearch.

Left,right,lookandhope.
IstayedinplacesoIcouldraisemyarmquicklythemomentIspottedacab.
TheworldfadedaroundmeasIfocusedonwaitingforaride.Theallureofsoftsheetsandquiet

roomshelpeddeletethechaosI’dbeenapartofforafewshorthours.

Ididn’tnoticethetwomenatfirst.
PerhapsIwastoonaïveorblind,butIdidn’texpectahandtolasharoundmyelbowonbothsides—

twomencrowdingmebetweenthem.

Myheartleapedintomythroat,gaggingmefromscreaming.
Myeyespoppedwithdisbeliefastheyjerkedmebackwardintothealley.
No!
Ididn’tcomprehendwhatwashappening.
Letmego!
I’dneverbeenhandledwithsuchforcebefore.
Theirtouchduglikefive-fingertrapsintomyarms.
Hurting.
Bruising.
“Help!”Myheartstuckinmythroat,preventinganymorethanastrangledbeg.Myuselessnessgave

themallthetimetheyneeded.

Withasinisterchuckle,theydraggedmedeeperintothedarkness,awayfromstreetlightsandpeople

andtaxis.

“Letmego!”Istruggled,kickingandflailing.“Help!Help!Someone—”

Butitwastoolate.
Theypulledmefurther,laughinglouderasmyfeetskiddeduselesslyonthegrimyground.Insome

strangerecessofmymind,Inoticedhowdirtymyshoeshadbecome.Howblacknowsmearedthe
pristinewhite.

“No!Stop!”Ilostmyshock-stupor,givingintofightingterror.
Ibentandbuckled.
Ikickedandsquirmed.
Buttheyweretoostrong.
Thestreetwastoofaraway.
Theworldwastooobsessedtocare.
“Let.Me.Go!”
“Shutthefuckup.”Theharshcommandwasassharpasafishhook,diggingintomymindwithevil.
“Whatdoyouwant?”Ifoughtharder,windedandso,soworried.“Idon’t—”
“Toldyou.Shutthefuckup.”Theyheldmetighter,theirfingersdiggingintomyfleshlikecleavers.

“Whatwewantisourbusiness,notyours.”Oneofthemlaughed.

Three-quartersdownthealley,wherethesoundsofabusymetropolisweremutedinfavorof

ranknessfromawfulsmellingtrash,theyshovedmeforward,slammingmeagainstthewall.

Theairinmylungsvanished,leavingmeempty.
Idoubledoverinpainasthenodulesofmyspinecrunchedagainstbrick.Itriedtosuckinabreath,

mylonghairtanglinginamessovermyshoulder.

Ipeeredupthroughtheblondestrands,doingmybesttoformulateanescape.Tothem,Iwasan

inexperiencedlittlegirlwhotheycouldrobandhurtwithnoconsequences.Ihadtoprovetothem
otherwise.

Evenifit’sthetruth.
Themenchuckled,nudgingeachotherwithcongratulations.
Ididn’twaittoseewhatwouldhappennext.Pushingofffromthewall,Isprintedthroughthesmall

gapanddugforeverybitofstrengthandcourageIhad.Mymouthopenedtoscream—toscreamasloud
andaslongasIcould—butonemangrabbedme,slammingmeintohischest.Theotherplastereda
metallicsmellingpalmovermylips,silencingme.

Sandwichedbetweenthetwo,Iunderstoodmydiresituation.
Theterribly,stupidbadsituation.
“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing,littlebitch?”
Hardness,wherethereshouldbenohardness,proddedmeinthefrontandtheback.Theygroundtheir

cocksagainstme.

Ishuddered,understandingrightawaythatwhatevertheywantedfrommewasn’tjustmonetarybut

physical.

AndIcan’tdoathingtostopit.
Tearssprangtomyeyes,butIdidmybesttoblinkthemaway.I’dletshockgetmeintothismess.I

wouldn’tletpitymakeitworse.

Theirbreathturnedheavyastheypressedharderintome.Notcaringthattheirheadstouchedeach

otherintheirbidtoconsumeme.

Mybonesturnedtoashasmyheartsuffocated.
Please,pleasedon’tletthemhurtme.
Beingnormalwassuddenlythemostidioticconceptintheworld.IwouldgladlyreturntoBelleElle

andneverleavethecrystaltowerofbusinessfortherestofmylife.Iwouldworkeveryhour,ofevery
dayuntilIdiedifIcouldjustwalkawayfromthisuntouched.

Please!

Iwriggledintheirarms,tryingtobaremyteethbeneaththeguy’spalmtobite.Hekeptmylipsfirmly

gluedwhilehishipsthrustagainstmefrombehind.Hisrockingknockedmeoffbalanceintohis
accomplice’ssicklyembrace.“Knowwhattonightis,prettygirl?”

Mynineteenthbirthday.
Mystupidattemptatbeingnormal.
Isuckedinabreath,draggingintheirscentsofcorruptionandfilth.
“It’sthenightyougiveusagoodfuckthen,ifyou’regood,weletyougo.”
Horrorflowedlikeicewateronlytosolidifyintoaglacierashisfriendwhispered,“Wewantyour

moneyandyourjewelryaswellasyourcunt.Givethemupwillingly,andthiswillendmuchbetterfor
you.”

Hereacheddown,cuppingmebetweenthelegs.
Imoanedlikeaferalcatabouttobebutchered.
“Don’tandthingswillgetvery,verybad.”Hisfingersclenchedaroundmycore.“Fuckingbad.Got

it?”

WhenIdidn’tmoveapartfromblinkingyetmoreterrifiedtearsfrommyvision,hepressedhisgroin

intomybelly.“Nodifyougetit.”

Ididn’twanttoobey.
Iwantedtotellthemtodie.
Hisfriendsnakedhisarmaroundmymiddle,clutchingmesohardmyribsbent,andthehardnessin

hispantsbruisedmyspine.“Nod,bitch,thenwe’llletyougo.”Hethrustagain.“Butifyouscream,we’ll
beatyoufuckingbloody,andyou’llwakeupwithnothing.Notevenyourclothes.”

Mylungsachedfromlackofoxygen;causticterrorburnedholesinmyveins,drowningmeinblood.
Themaninfrontkissedmycheek.“Lasttime.Nodifyouagreetoourterms.”
WhatelsecouldIdo?
Ihadnoweapons,noexperience.ThemostIcouldhopetodowasdelaybyobeyinguntilIspiedan

opportunitytorun.

Pleaseletthatopportunitycomesoonerratherthanlater.
IthurtevenmorethansteppingfromBelleElleinshame,butInodded.
ThemomentIdid,theysteppedback.Theoneinfrontreadjustedhistrousers,fistinghimself.“Fuck,it

makesmehotwhentheyobey.”

They?
Howmanywomenhadtheydonethisto?
Theworldhadbeenavibrantadventurebefore.Now,itwasacesspoolofcriminals.
Themanbehindmecametomyside,hemmingmeagainstthewall.Theyplacedthemselves

strategicallytoblockmyexit.Theshadowskeptmostoftheirfeatureshidden,butoneworeabaseballhat
witharedlogo,andtheotherdressedinawhitejacketwiththeAdidaslogoonthefrontpocket.They
werethesameheight(aboutafoottallerthanme)andbothhaddirtyteethastheysmiledmatchingevil
grins.

Theonewho’dbeenbehindmeinhisAdidasjacketpointedatmyneck.“First,let’sfocusonthe

jewelry,shallwe?Givemethatnecklace.”

Igulped.“What?”
Theoneinthebaseballcapwaggedhisfinger.“Notalking.Dowhatwesay,oryou’refucked.”
Iflinchedasheonceagainfistedthehardlengthvisibleinhispants.“First,wegetwhatwewant,and

thenyougetwhatyouwant.”

WhatIwant?
Mylipscurledindisgust.
WhatIwantisforyoutodropdeadinagony.

Hisaccomplicechuckled.“Whatyouwantisacock,stuck-upbitch.Youcan’tdenyit.Well,it’syour

luckynight.You’llgettwosoonenough.Now,handoverthatfuckingnecklace.”

“Please...”IclampedmyhandoverthesapphirestarthatI’donlyhadsincebreakfastbutalready

meantsomuch.“Don’t—”

“Breakingalltherules,aren’tcha?”Afistcameoutofnowhere,crashingagainstmytemple.
Brightpaindetonatedthroughmyskull,forcingmebackandsidewaysagainstthewall.Icouldn’tsee

pastflashinglights.Icouldn’thearthroughtheringinginmyhead.Butitdidn’tstoponeofthemfrom
grabbingthechainaroundmyneckandyankinghardenoughtobreak.Thewhite-goldslicedintomynape
beforegivingway,makingmecryoutinpain.

Ahandlandedonmybreast,squeezinghardwhileafootkickedmylegsopenandfingersgrabbed

betweenmythighs.

Imoanedagain,shakingmyheadtoridtherecedingpunch.“No...stop.”
Ahandsmashedovermymouth.“Shutthefuckup.”
MyvisionslowlycamebackasAdidasdughishandsintomyjacketandpulledoutmypurse.He

countedthebillswhileBaseballCapkeptmegaggedandpressedhalf-standing,half-slouchingagainstthe
wall.“Eightybucks?Seriously,that’sallyouhave?”Hissneerwasaccompaniedbygrossbreath.“We’ll
justhavetogetitoutofyouinotherways.”

Digginghishandintomybackjeanspocket,hepulledoutmyBelleElleidentificationcard.Theflash

ofmyportraitinacrispblackblazerandmyblondehairartfullycoiledremindedmehowfarI’dfallen
frommyqueendom.

Iftheykilledme,myfatherwouldneverknowwhathappened.TherewouldbenowaytoI.Dmybody

oranyexplanationofhowIendedupinanalleyonmynineteenthbirthdayandnotsafeathomewithhim.

IhatedhowselfishI’dbeen.
Howstupid.
IfIsurvivedthis,Iwouldneverbemoanmylifeagain.Iwouldnevertakemycompanyforgranted.I

wouldliveanexistenceofuttergratefulness.

“NoelleCharlston.Lookslikeyouhaveacushyofficejob.”BaseballCapsmirked.“Betyouusethat

niceassjustforsittingratherthananythingelse.”Heleanedintome,pressinghiserectionagainstmyhip.
“Everbeenfuckedoveryourdesk,officegirl?Evergivenabossablowjobforapromotion?”Hethrust
hard.“Ilikethethoughtofyougivingmeablowjob.”Henoddedathisfriend.“Getheronherknees.”

IscrunchedupmyfaceasIscreamedinternally.
I’dgonethroughschoolwithoutboyfriendsofanykind.I’dstolenasinglekissonthedancefloorof

myhighschoolprom,butithadn’tincludedtongue.Noboyshadbravedmyfathertoaskmeout.Iwas
lightyearsaheadinexperienceofmanagingandrunningacompany,butsoilltaughtwhenitcametosex.

Blowjob?
NowaydidIwanttodothat.Ihadnoideahow.Andtheideaofsuckingonthatpartofamanmade

mewanttovomitonmydirtysneakers.

ButwhatIwantednolongermattered.
Mykneesscreamedastheypushedmetotheground.
Idaren’tlookup.
BaseballCapduckedwithme.
Sittingonhishaunches,hesmirked.“Beforeweshowyouours,youhavetoshowusyours.”BeforeI

couldargueormove,herippedoffmybomberjacketandtosseditintothedarknessbehindhim.Hetore
attheoff-the-shouldert-shirtuntilithungintatters,revealingmyblackbra.

“Let’sseewhatyourtitsarelike.”
Everythingshutdownashishandmovedforwardtocupme.
Iturnedinward.

Itriedtodeletewhatwasabouttohappen.
Only,heneverconnected.
Ablurinthedarkmaterializedlikeaphantom.
Aman’sgruntingerupted.
Adidasfellbackward,yankedbyanunseenforce.BaseballCapwhirledaround,hisfistsup,readyto

fight.“Whothefuckisthere?”

Adidasgroanedasashadowconnectedwithhisstomachthenwithhisjaw.Iblinkedindisbeliefas

theapparitionsteppedintothelight,revealinganothermanwithablackhoodieoverhishead.

Hedidn’tintroducehimself.
HetwirledaroundandkickedAdidasinthechest,sendinghimcareeningtothedirtyground.
Thenewguyturnedandlockedeyesonme.Beneaththegloomofhishoodie,hisintensegazetangled

meintoknots.Forasplitsecond,myheartkick-startedfromfeartoreliefthensankbackintoterror.

First,thereweretwo.
Now,therewerethree.
Iwasn’tsafe.
Evenifthenewcomerseemedtofightonmyside.
Scramblingtomyfeet,Ipulledattheruinedpiecesofmytop.
Thenewguyfollowedmytornclothing,eyeingmybra.Hisjawclenchedandalowgrowlechoedin

thealley.Whateverhadsewnustogetherforthosefewsecondssnapped.

HelaunchedhimselfatBaseballCap.
Hetackledthewannaberapisttotheground,punchinghimonce,twice,threetimesinthestomach.
Theyrolledaround,legskicking,armswhirlinguntilthehoodedfigureswungawell-aimedsucker-

punchrightintothenoseofBaseballCap.

Themandissolvedfromhooligantohelpless.Hisarmsandhandscameuptoshieldhisface.His

mouthbloodyandbreathragged.“Fuck,wegive,wegive.Stop!”

Immediately,thehoodedfigureclamberedtohisfeet.Wrenchingahandoverhisface,hegrunted.

“SecondtimeI’vecaughtyouassholes.Therewon’tbeathird.”

Adidaspushedofftheconcretewithbothhands,climbingunsteadilytohisfeet.“Fuckyou.”
Thehoodedfiguresteppedforwardand,withaquickjab,deliveredanotherpunchintoAdidas’s

throat.

“Ah,fu—”Hecollapsedtohisknees,hishandsaroundhisneck,gaspinglikealunatic.“I—Ican’t—

breathe—”

Tomyhorror,Ismiledalittle.Ihadnosympathyforhim,butIshouldn’ttakeenjoymentfromsuch

violence.

ShouldI?
ThehoodedmanpointedatAdidassquirmingonthefloor.“Thatwasforbeingrude.”Hislegcame

outagain,connectingwiththewhitejacketcoveringAdidas’sribs.“That’sforbeingacunt.”Hisface
turnedtowardme,butIcouldn’tseehisfeaturesinthedark.Neverlookingawayfromme,hethrew
anotherpunchatAdidas’shead.Itwasn’tatfullpower,merelyaswat—atellingoff.“Andthat’sforher.”

Steppingback,hecrossedhisarms.“Now,whatdoyouhavetosayforyourself?”
Adidasstillhadn'tlearnedhislesson.Hespatblood,glisteningblackinthenight.“Fuckyoutwice,

man.Youcan’tscareus.”

Thehoodedmantookamenacingstepcloser.
BaseballCapdodgedforward,nursingasorearm.Heheldupahandinsurrender,somesortof

chivalrycomingthroughtoprotecthisassholefriend.“Look,we’redone,okay?”

ThehoodedmanglancedatAdidas—theassholewho’dbeenmomentsawayfromstealingmy

virginity.Hisvoicelashedoutlikeadarkwhip,demandingobedience.“Andyou?Areyoudone?”

Adidasnoddedprofusely.“Fine.Sure.”
“Good.”Thehoodedmanheldouthishand.Bloodmarkedhisfingers,butIcouldn’ttellifitwas

fromhimorhisvictims.“Coughitup.”

BaseballCapscrambledbackward,shakinghishead.“Nah,noway.”Hepattedhispocketwithasick

gleaminhisgaze.“Nah,man.Youtakethegirl.We’lltakethecash.”

HoodedMancockedhishead.Itwasnothingmorethananinnocentmove,butitdrippedwiththreat.

“Doyouwanttodietonight,Gio?BecauseIcanarrangethat.”

Gio?
Heknowstheirnames?
How?
Adidasscoffed.“Doyouknowwhoyou’refuckingtalkingto?”
HoodedManglowered.“IknowexactlywhoI’mtalkingtoandwouldn’tyourfuckingfatherbeglad

tohearwhatIhavetotellhim?”Hepulledhishoodiehigheroverhisface,makinghimselffeatureless,a
blackvoid.“Ifyoudon’tstopandcallthesefuckinggamesquit,I’lldoworsethanbeatyou.”

Whatthehellisgoingon?
Icouldn’tdecidewhowasscarier:thetwomenwho’dgrabbedmeorthissaviorwrappedinblack.
Thehoodedman’svoicewasamenacinggrowl—amixbetweengravelandvelvet.Hisbodywas

lithebeneaththeoversizedhoodieandholeyjeans.Helookedlikeaskater-rat—theposterchildfor
rebellionandlawlessness.

Hehadtheairofoneofourin-storebillboardswitharoughandreadyskaterinahalf-pipeselling

baggyjeansandchainbeltswithaspraycaninhishand.WhenI’dapprovedthemarketing,I’dfearedit
wasalittle‘rough’forourcleanbrandforteenagers.Turnedout,thatbannerwastamecomparedtothis
man.

BaseballCapsteppedforward.“Handoverthemoney,Sean.”
“Oh,forfuck’ssake,”Adidasgrumbled,reluctantlypullingoutmycash.Ididn’tcareaboutthemoney,

butifthefacelesssaviorwantedtoreturnmyproperty,Iwouldn’targue.

HoodedManheldouthishand.
Sean,theAdidaspunk,angrilyshovedthedollarbillsintohisgrip.Thesecondthecashchanged

hands,itvanishedintothehoodedman’sjeanslikeamagictrick.

Heturnedtome,hisfacestilladarksecret.“Didtheystealanythingelse?”Hisgazetraveleddown

myfrontwhereIheldmytorntoptogether.

Iflinchedunderhisinspection,wishingmybradidn’tpeekoutbehindmyhands,andmybarestomach

wasn’tsoondisplay.Myheadpoundedfromthepunch,andthepungentwhiffsfromthealleydidn’thelp
myswirlofnausea.

WhenIdidn’treply,HoodedManpointedatmydestroyedtopanddiscardedjacketonthefloor.“Did

they?Stealanythingelse,Imean?Theytoreyourclothes.Doyouwantmetoruintheirsinreturn?”

Myeyeswidened.“Wh—what?”
Hisheadtilted,hearingmespeakforthefirsttime.Alowchucklecamefromtheblacknessofhis

hood.“Icanmakethemstripandrunhomenakedifitwouldmakeyoufeelbetter.”Hewavedatmy
tatteredtop.“Youdon’tneedtohide.Iwon’tletthemhurtyou.You’resafewithme.”

Themidnightraspinhisvoicenegatedhispromise.Hewasthesafestofthethree—fornow.Buthe

wasn’tsafecomparedtomyfatherorstaff.Hewastheexactoppositeofsafe.

Iswallowed,standingproudlydespitemylackofmodesty.“Ihavenodesiretoseesuchvermin

naked.”

Adidassneered.“Youwanttoseemycock,bitch.Can’tdenythatshit.”
IgavehimalookIwishedcouldmelthisskinoffhisbones.“Believeme,Iwouldrathergoblind.”
BaseballCapbaredhisteeth.“Thatcouldbearranged.”

HoodedMantookasteptowardme,puttinghimselfbetweenthemandme.“Asentertainingasthisis,

Idon’twanttocommitmurdertonight.”Heglancedatmethenatthetwomenwhowould’verapedand
hurtmeifhehadn’tshownup.

WhatamIdoing?
Antagonizingcriminals?Allforwhat?Alittledignityafterhavingmyself-worththreatened?
Holdingmychinhigh,Isaid,“TheystolemyI.Dcardforwork.Iwouldlikethatback.”
Sotheycan’tbreakintoBelleElleandI’llhaveyetmoreexplainingtodo.
HoodedManturnedtoAdidas.“Youheardher.GiveherbacktheI.D.”
Adidascursedunderhisbreathbutpulledoutthelanyardwithmytagfromhispocket.Thesecondit

switchedhands,itonceagainjoinedmyvanishedcashinablink.

HoodedManclosedthedistancebetweenus,turningtofacethemashedid.Heprotectedmewithhis

bodywhileconfrontingthem.“That’sit.Runalong.”

BaseballCappointedafinger.“We’llgetyouback.”
HoodedManshrugged.“Youkeepbeingscum,andIwon’tbesonicenexttime.”
“Youkeepthinkingyou’reuntouchableandwe’llgooutofourwaytoproveyoufuckingbleedlikethe

restofus.”

HoodedManstalkedforward,hishandssplayingbeforecurlingintofists.“Wecanproveyouwrong,

rightnow.”

“Fuckyou—”
“Ipreferwomenbutthanksforasking.”
BaseballCapcharged.“I’mgonnakill—”
AdidasgrabbedBaseballCap’sarm,stoppinghimmid-stride.“Comeon,man.We’vegotbetter

thingstodo.”

BaseballCapfoughthim,butthenaslowsmilespreadhislips.“Yeah,youknowwhat?Wedo.”He

smirkedwithevil.“Muchbetterthings.”Blowingmeakiss,hesaid,“Pitywedidn’tgettohaveourfun,
officegirl.Betyou’retornupyoudidn’tgettoseewhatwewantedtogiveyou,huh?”

HoodedMancrossedhisarms.“Fuckoff—”
He’dfoughtonebattleforme.Iwouldn’tlethimhavethecreditonthisone.
Steppingaroundhim,Iletgoofmytatteredtopandstoodinmybra-nakedglory.Thefear.The

adrenaline.Thepride.“You’rerightthatI’manofficegirlwhohasnoexperienceinfightingthelikesof
you.Butyou’rewrongthatIwantedtoseeyourshrivelled-upjerkysticks.”

BaseballCapsnarled.“Youbitch.”
“No,youdon’tgettocallmethat.You’rethebastard.You’redelusionalandadisgrace,andifyou

thinkitmakesyoumoreofamanbytryingtorapeme,I’lldoyouafavorandcutoffthatjerkyyoucalla
cockandcookitforyou.”Ismiledsweetly.“Alongwithofficeduties,I’mnotbadinthekitchen,andyou
andyoursalamiareonlyfitforfryingandfeedingtothedog.”Iheldupmyhand.“Nowait,Iwouldn’t
feedyoutomydog,andIdon’tevenownadog.”

“Ah,fuck.”HoodedMandartedtowardmejustasBaseballCaplaunchedhimselfatmythroat.
Istumbledback,onlytoslamintothearmsofHoodedManwhospunmearound,shieldingmewith

hisbody.Hisfistcameup,connectingonceagainwithBaseballCap’sjaw.

“Youcan’teventakeshitfromagirlwithoutneedingtobeanasshole?”HoodedMancrackedhis

knuckles.“She’sright.Allyouhaveinyourpantsisdried-upjerky.”Heswallowedalaugh.“Runalong
now,beforeIactuallygivethisgirlaknifeandwatchherfilletyouforherfryingpan.”

AdidasgrabbedBaseballCapforthesecondorthirdtime—I’dlostcount.Together,theybackedup.

Theireyesblackasthealleywestoodin.

BaseballCapraisedhisfinger,pointingatbothofus.“You’llfuckingpay.Bothofyou.”
Thentheyturnedaroundandboltedtowardthestreet.

ChapterSeven

FROMONEDISASTROUSsituationtoanother.

Silencefellinthealley.
They’regone.
Buthe’sstillhere.
Myskinprickledwithintensityfromthehoodedfigure,standingdangerouslylethalandsodamn

close.Ididn’tlookathim.Ididn’twanttomakeeyecontactorgivehimanyreasontobecomethevillain
afterbeingtheknight.

Ilookedattheground.“Um,Ioweyouathankyou.”
Mynakedstomachtingledashescuffedapebbleandturnedtofaceme.Thedarknessofhishood

maskedhisfeatures,butIfelthiseyeslingeringonmybra.

TherecklessconfidenceI’dhadwhenfacingdownBaseballCapandAdidasvanished.Isnatchedthe

endsofmytorntop,pullingthemclosed.Thebrokenmaterialhidalittlebutnotenoughoftheblacklace
orswellofmyflesh.

Myheartbucked.
HadhechasedthemoffbecausehewasaGoodSamaritanorbecausehewantedwhattheywere

abouttotake?Despitehisassuranceshewasn’tlikethem...howcouldIbesure?

“Look,whoeveryouare.Thankyouforsavingme.ButImustinsistyouletmego.”Ispottedthe

bomberjacketAdidashadtornoffmeandduckedtopickitup.Holdingtheblackmaterialinfrontofme
likeashield,Isaid,“Stepaside.Letmepass.”

Theglitteringlightsofcivilizationpromisedsafetydownthelongtunnelofthealley.AllIwantedto

dowasgohome.

Home.
Ataxi.
Ineedmoney.
Holdingmyhandout,Ikeptmyeyesdown.“CanIhavemybelongings,please?”
“Yourbelongings?”
Hisdeepvoicesomehowavoidedmyearsandechoeddeepinmybellyinstead.Ishiftedonthespot,

achillfromhimandthenightskypaintingmeingoosebumps.

Hecamecloser,tippinghischinup.ShadowsslunkbackasifafraidofhimasIclutchedbraveryand

lookedup.

Everythingabouthimwascloaked.“Iwon’tbite.”
Iflinched,doingmybesttodrinkinhisfacesoIcouldrememberit—justincaseIhadtofileapolice

report.

WhichIdon’twanttodoasmyfathermustneverknowaboutthis.
Hiseyesandforeheadremainedhiddenbyhishood,buthislipswereinfullview.Firmand

masculinewithjusttherightamountofstubblethat’dturnedintoashortbeard.Hewasrugged,bordering
unkempt.

Onehandvanishedintohisjean’spocket.“Doyoumeanthese?”HefannedthecashandmyI.D

badge.

Inodded.“Yes,those.CanIhavethem?”

Hecountedthebills.“Eightybucks?”
Itiltedmychin.“It’sallIneed.”
WhydidIfeellikethebiggestliarinhistory?Ididn’tknowwhatitwasliketohaveonlyeighty

dollars.Ihadunlimitedfunds.JustbecauseIdidn’tshoporhadnoonetolavishgiftswithdidn’tmeanI
didn’tappreciatethefreedomofneverhavingtolookatapricetag.

“Needtodowhat?”Hecockedhishead,thehoodiestillcoveringhisgaze.
“Ifyoumustknow.Totaxihome.”
“Ah.”Hesaiditlikeafullstop.Asifitmadeperfectsensetothiseveningofnonsense.
Iwriggledmyfingers.“So...canIhaveitback?”
HeranmylanyardI.Dthroughhisfingers.“Let’stalkaboutthisfirst.”
“Whataboutit?”
“YournameisNoelleCharlston?”
“Whatofit?”
“You’renamedafterChristmas.”
Ihuffed.“I’mnamedafter—”Oneoftherichestfoundersinretail.Iheldmytongue.Ididn’tneed

thisrescuetoturnintoakidnappingforransom.

“Namedafterwhat?”HedancedtheI.Doverhisknuckleswithadexteritythatmademymouthgodry.

Astreakofbloodmarredthelaminatedphoto.

Isteppedtowardhim,despiteeveryneuronwantingtorun.
“MynameisElle.JustcallmeElle,givemebackmythings,andletmego.”
“Idon’tthinkso,Elle.Notyet.”
Ifroze.“Excuseme?”
“Youintrigueme.”
“So?”
“So,it’snotoftensomeoneintriguesme.”
“Why?”
Hemovedcloser.Hisbodyheatwasnoticeableinthechillyevening.“BecauseIdon’tnormallytake

thetimetoactuallytalktopeople.You’reanexception.”

Ididn’tknowifIlikedbeinganexception.Didthatmeanhemightdootherthingsthatwerean

exception—likehurtmewhenhe’dnormallyfreeme?

Nervesmademeshiver.Clampingdownonsuchweakness,myhandlashedoutandsnatchedmyI.D

card.“There.I’vetakenbackwhat’smine.Youcan’tgetmad.Itneverbelongedtoyou.”Myeyeslanded
onthemoney.“Givethatback,andwe’llgoourseparateways.”

Hesmiled.Histeethwerestraightandwhiteinthedarkscruffofhisbeard.“Idon’tthinkso,Noelle

Charlston.”

“Elle.”
“Okay,Elle.”Hetookanotherstep,ungluingshadowsfromaroundhimuntilonlyafootseparatedus.I

suckedinairashisblacksneakerscrunchedonloosegravelandhishandscameup.

Istiffened,waitingforhimtotakewhathisrunawaybuddieshadtried.Only,hisfingersdidn’t

connectwithme,theyconnectedwiththematerialofhisblackhood.Slowly,hepusheditawayandletit
fall,revealinghisface.

MylungsforgothowtoworkasIdrankhimin.
Fierceeyebrowsgaveexpressionandauthoritytotheintensityofhisdarkbrowneyes.Darkhair

borderingonblackcurledaroundhischeeks,forehead,andears,speakingofwildnessratherthantamed.
Hisstrongnoseandrefinedcheekboneswereperfectadornmentstothebeardborderinghislips.

Hell,thoselips.
Theyweresoftanddampandalmostkindwheneverythingelseabouthimlookedcruel.

I’dbeenaroundmenintheoffice,butallofthemwereeitheroverweight,older,orgay.I’dneverbeen

soclosetoanattractivemalesimilarinageandcompletelyruthlessinviolence.

Isteppedback,cursingthewobbleinmyknees.Iwantedtoputitdowntofear,butmystupidheart

saidotherwise.

Iwasattractedtohim.
Hereofallplaces.
Himofallmen.
Mybodyfoundhisutterlyappealingforthefirsttimeinmylife,andIhadnoideahowtodealwith

that.

Whatdidthatsayaboutme?
I’dnarrowlyavoidedbeinghurtandsomehowindulgedinanattractionforamanI’dmetintheworst

circumstances.

I’mnotnormal.
WhateverinterestIfeltcouldnotbetolerated.
Inarrowedmyeyes.“Whatdoyouwantfromme?”
Hesmiled,hismouthonceagainbewitchingme.“Notsureyet.”
Ipinchedmyself,tryingtogetmyrunawayhormonesundercontrol.Iwasn’tsomehornyteenager.I

wasaCEOwhoalmostgotmolested.Sowhathewasgoodlooking?

Thatmeansnothing!
Youneedtogohome.
Rightnow.
Steelingmyselfagainsthim—gratefulwhenmyheartstayedinanormalthud-thudandnotthedesire-

fueledflutterfrombefore—Isnapped,“Whatdoyoumean?”

Heshifted,kickingonelegoutforbalance.Itwasn’tanythingbutanadjustment,butitdrewmy

attentiondownhisbody.Tohowtallhewas.Howhisthighshapedthedirtydenim.Howheworemystery
likeanexpensivenewfashionmust-have.“Imean,there’ssomethingaboutyou.”

There’ssomethingaboutyou,too.
Eventhedarknessofthealleycouldn’tdetractfromthreethingsInoticedrightaway:
One,hewasentirelytoohandsome(orI’dbeenfartooshelteredtobealonewithhim).
Two,hehadanauraabouthimthatdemandedrespectthatwasn’tbornbutearned.
Three,hewasfilthybutdidn’tseemtocareasIfollowedastaininhishoodiethenascuffthenahole.
Hejuststoodthere,allowingmyinspectionasherepaidthefavor.Hiseyeshadfingers,trailingover

myskinwithgentlefeathers,forcingmetocatchmybreatheventhoughIremainedstill.

Oh,myGod,getagrip,Elle.
Yes,hesavedyou.
Yes,hewasbraveenoughtostopacrime.
Butthat’sallthereistoit,andallthere’lleverbe.
Youarenotasillygirlwhogetscrushes.
Timetogo.
Whateverthiswasmeantnothing.
Itcouldn’t.
Thingslikethisdidn’thappeninreallife,andtheycertainlydidn’thappeninmylife.
JustbecauseDadhadstoppedreadingmefairy-taleslongagodidn’tmeanIneededtofabricatesuch

ridiculousnessnow.

Iforcedmyselftolookathisface.I’dalmostforgottenwhatwediscussed,whichwasidiotic,and

crazy,andsounlikeme,panicwhizzedthroughmyblood,makingmecurt.“Money.Ineedit.”Iheldout
myhand,hatingthewobble.“Iwanttoleave.”

“Leave?”
“Yes.”
“Youcan’tleave.”
“What?”Myeyebrowsshotuprightasmypulsethrummedinmypunch-bruisedtemple.“Ofcourse,I

canleave.Iwanttoleave.Yousaidyouwouldn’thurtme.”

Hehelduphishand,oblivioustohisdirtynailsanddriedbloodonhisknuckles.“Easy.Youcango.

I’mnotholdingyoucaptive—Ididn’tmeanthat.”

“Whatdidyoumean?”
Hewaftedthemoney,makingthebillsflopinhisfist.“Imean...weneedtotalkaboutthismoney.”
Myhacklesrose.“Whataboutit?”
Heranhistongueoverhisbottomlip,distractingme.Hisgazelockedonmine,eitherawareofthe

reactionhecausedorseekinganswerstohisowncuriosity.

Hisvoiceloweredtoamurmur.“Isavedyourlife.”
“Youdid.”Myvoiceslippedtoawhisper,acceptingthequietnessalmostwithrelief.Tension

unwoundfrommyshouldersonlytospooltightagainashesaid,“Ithinkthegenerousthingtodoisoffer
meyourcash.”

Halfofmybrainknewwhy—he’dgivenmeaserviceandnothinginlifewasfree.Buttheotherhalf

wassobefuddled,sodrunkonhisbeard-coveredjawandkissablelips,Iwrinkledmynose.“Whatfor?”

Hecoughedwithathreadofannoyance.“Payment,ofcourse.Forsavingyou.Wejustagreedthat’s

whatIdid?”

Anotherinjectionofadrenalinefloodedmyveins.Inodded,woundupandjumpywiththewayhe

watchedme.“You’reright.Youdidsaveme.It’sonlyrightyouearnareward.”Iwouldn’tdenyhim
payment—especiallywhenitlookedasthoughhisclotheshadseenbetterdays.ButIalsocouldn’tfight
thesmallterrorofhowIwouldgethome.

Youwalkedhere.
Youcanwalkback.
Technically,Icould.Ijustcouldn’tenvisionwalkingthroughthecityafterwhathadjusthappened

withoutjumpingatshadowseverystep.

I’mnotcutoutfortheoutsideworld.
Ishould’vestayedinmytowerandplayedwithmycatandranmyfather’scompanylikeI’dbeen

groomedto.

HoodedManflickedthemoneywithhissparehand.“Great.Iaccept.Thankyou.”
“Thankyouforsavingme.”
Heflashedhisteeth.“You’rewelcome.”
Somethingswitchedbetweenus,removingthethreatofviolence,puttingusatanimpasse.
Hisshoulderssaggedalittle.Glancingatthemoney,hisfacedarkenedasiffightinganinternalwar.

Suddenly,heheldoutthebills.“Here,takeit.”

“ButIjustgaveittoyou.You’reright—”
Hisfingerslatchedaroundmywrist,whilehisotherhandslammedthenotesintomypalm.“Idon’t

wantit.”

Igaspedattheheatofhistouch.Atthewaymyskinignitedbeneathhis.Howthecrackleof

awarenessincreasedathousand-fold.Andthenitwasgoneasheyankedhishandsawayandbackedup.

Dragginghisfingersthroughhisblack-brownhair,hemuttered,“Ishouldgo.”
Herewasmychancetoreturnhomewithoutanymoremishaps.Icouldnodandagreeandwalkoutof

thealleytosummonachariottodrivemebacktomyrealm.

Buthisdespondencymademyfearswitchtoempathy.JustasI’dfedthehomelessmaninTimes

Square,Iwantedtohelpthisone,too.

Ifheisevenhomeless.
ForallIknew,hewasamaskedcrusaderrunningaroundthecity,gettingdirtybyhelpingwomenlike

mewhohadnorightbeingoutsolatealone.

Ibroachedthesmallspacebetweenus.“Itrulyamgrateful.”
“Iknow.”
Steelingmyself,Ileanedforwardandstuffedthebillsintothefrontpocketofhishoodie.
Suchabadmove.
Insidewaswarmwiththefaintgritofcrumbsandlife-dirtbutagainstthesoftmaterialwasahard

stomach,breathingfast.

“Whatthefuckareyoudoing?”Hisvoicewasaspur,kickingmyheartintoafrenzy.
Iyankedmyhandfromhispocket,leavingthecashinside.“Iwantyoutohavethemoney.Inreturnfor

afavor.”

Hisfacetightened.“I’vealreadydoneyouafavor,remember?”
“Iremember.”Iglancedathisbloodyknuckleswhereafewhadswollenandbruisedwithinjury.

“WouldyouletmelookatyourhandsoratleastbuyyousomeTylenol?”

“No.”
Okay...
“Inthatcase,allIaskinexchangeforthemoneyisyoutoescortmehome.”
Home?
Whatthehellareyoudoing?
Icouldn’taffordtoletthisvagabondknowwhereIlived.Dadwouldbemortified.Ourfurnitureand

belongingswouldprobablybestolenoncehefiguredoutourdailyscheduleandknewwhenthehouse
wasvacant.

You’reanawfulperson.
HowcouldIthinksuchthingsafterhe’dsavedme?
Trust.
Ihadtotrusthim,despiteoutwardappearancesandcircumstances.
Believe.
Ihadtobelieveinmygutwhenitsaidhewasn’ttobefeared.
Iwantedhimtohavethemoneyoveragrouchycabdriver.Allhehadtodowaswalkmeback.
“Youwantmetotakeyouhome?”Hismouthparted.Hisfaceremainedinshadow,visiblebutstilla

mystery.“Areyouserious?”

“Yes.”
“Youwantmetoknowwhereyoulive?”
“Ifyouweregoingtohurtme,youwould’vedoneitbynow.”Iopenedmyarmtoincorporatethe

alley.“We’realone.YoualreadyknowI’mterribleatescape.Yetyou’vebeenaperfectgentleman.”

Hebarkedalaugh.“Gentleman?Right.”Hescrubbedhisface,highlightingthedirtonhisneckashe

lookedatthesky.“HowdoyouknowI’mnotjustdelayingmyattacktoputyouateaseandmakeyou
pliable?”

“Pliable?Whousesthewordpliabletodiscusshurtingwomen?”
Hesmirked,lipssmiling,eyesnot.“Me.”
“Andwhoisme?”
Hefrowned.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Iputmyhandsonmyhips.“Youknowmyname.What’syours?”
Hestumbledback.“You—youwanttoknowmyname?”
Wasthatabadthing?Hadhedonesomethingterribleanddidn’twantanyonetoknow?“Isn’tit

normalforstrangerstosharewithanother?That’showtheystopbeingstrangers.”

Hecoughed,rubbinghisnape.“NotwhereI’mfrom.”
“Whereareyoufrom?”
Hisshockfaded,smotheredonceagainwithacockyattitude.Hisshoulderscameup,proudand

standoffish.“You’renosy.”

Ibristled.“Onlymakingconversation.”
“Well,don’t.Let’sjustgo,shallwe?”Helookedaroundthealley.“Ihateplaceslikethis.”
Iwantedtoaskwhatsortofplaceswerethose,butIdidn’tdare.Instead,IfocusedonhowIcouldget

home.“Willyouwalkwithme?”

“YouthinkI’llprotectyou?”
Well,yes.
“Youdidbefore.”
“ThatwasbecauseIdon’tagreewithrapeandrobbery.NotbecauseIhaveaherocomplex.The

minuteyou’reoutofthisalley,youceasetobemyconcern.”

“Oh.”Ididn’tknowwhythathurtasmuchasitdid.Straighteningmyback,Isuckedupmyfear,

preparingtostrikeoutonmyown—likeIalwaysdid.“Okay,then.Well...howmuchdotaxiscosttogetto
UpperEastSide?”

Oneeyebrowraised.“YouliveontheUpperEastSideandhavenoideahowmuchtaxisare?”He

peeredharder.“Youdon’tjustworkinanofficeforminimumwage,doyou?”

Ididn’tknowwhy,butIwantedtomaintainmyidentityasalow-incomeearner.Ididn’twanttocome

acrossasbragging,orworse,rubbinghisnoseinit.Thelongerwetalked,themoreIsawwhathis
clotheshintedat.

Heeitherlivedroughordidn’thaveahome.Hewasn’tlikethehomelessmanIgavemydinnerto—

thismandidn’tsmell,andhisclotheswerecleanish(minusafewstains)eveniftheywerealittleholey.
Buthehadthatscrapperlookabouthim—aglareinhiseyes,speakingofmistrustandhardship.

“Let’sagreetokeeppersonalinformationsecret,okay?”Iasked.“Youdon’twanttotellmeyour

name.Idon’twanttotellyouanythingmore.”Iheldupmyhand.“Agreetotakemehome,andwewon’t
askquestions.Deal?”

Ittookalittlewhile,buthefinallyslippedhishandintomineandshook.
IttookeverythingIhadnottoreacttothedesirecracklingfromhispalm.
Hesmiled.“Deal.”

ChapterEight

NEWYORKWASanexcitingcitytoexploreonmyown.

Butexploringitwithanotherperson—someoneintenselyattractiveandutterlyunpredictable—was

oneofthemostincrediblethingsI’deverdone.

Tenminuteshadpassedsinceleavingthealleyandintenminutes,mypulsehadskyrocketedthen

equalizedtoasteadythrumofawareness.

Walkingbesidehimshouldn’tbesuchanadventure.Hewasjustaman.Thiswasjustacity.Butevery

footfallfeltdifferent.Everybreathandglanceandheartbeat.

Wenavigatedthecrowdstogether,pullingapartandre-joiningasthecurbbecamecongestedthen

empty.MidnightstrucktheclockinTimesSquare,remindingmemybirthdaywasofficiallyoveranda
newdayhadbegun.

Ishouldbeinbed.
IshouldcallDadtotellhimIwasokay,justincasehenoticedI’dnevercomehome.
Worrieslayeredme,takingawaythecomplex,not-entirely-understoodjoyofstrollingthroughthecity

atnightwithastrangemanatmyside.Ididmybesttoshovethethoughtsaway,buttheyremainedlikea
constanttoothache.

“Thisway.”Themansteppedoffthesidewalkandcrossedtheroad,keepinganeyeoutforoncoming

traffic.“Yousureyouwanttowalk?”

“Yes,I’msure.”
“Okay.”Hestuffedhishandsintohisjeanspockets,hisshouldersbunchedaroundhisears.He

couldn’tbecold.Theairtemperaturewasn’ttoobad.Although,Ihadshruggedintothebomberjacketand
zippedituptomythroattoreplacetheruinedtop,soperhapsitwascolderthanIgavecreditfor.

Afinelayerofsweatdecoratedmyspinefromwalkingathisquickpace.
Hedidn’tdawdlelikeIhad.Hemovedaheadwithlong,leggystrides,expectingmetokeepup.He

didn’tglanceatmeoraskquestions.Itgavemetimetostealglances,whippingawaymemoriesofhis
height,mannerisms,andhabits.

NotthatIcouldreadhim.
Hisbodylanguageremainedclosedoff;hisarmstuckedtight,jawclenchedfirm.Thebeardhidthe

bottomhalfofhisface,keepinghimpartiallymaskedandperplexing.

Eachstepgranteddifferentthoughts:recollectionsofwhat’dhappenedwithAdidasandBaseballCap

andwhatcould’vebeentheruiningofmybodyandmindifthey’dsucceededinrapingme.Followedby
thereliefthatthiscrypticwandererhadbeenthereattherighttimeandsavedme.

HowcouldIeverrepaythat?
Hehadn’tjustpreventedarobbery.He’dstoppedmefromturningintoadifferentperson.He’d

providedmewithshelterfromacrossroadsthatmight’veswitchedmyexistencefromBelleElleheiress
tomentallybrokendependant.

Iwouldn’thaveletitbreakme.
ButhowcouldIknowthat?IbelievedinmyselfbecauseofDad’stutelageandsupport.ButIwasstill

young.Nineteenwasnothingcomparedtotheyearsahead.Theyearsthismanhadgivenbacktomeina
selflessactofprotection.

Themorewewalked,thedeeperthedebtIhadtopay.ShockgavewaytorealizationofhowcloseI’d

cometobeingraped.Icouldstillbeinthatalley,beaten,bloody,destroyed.

ButI’mnot.
Heturnedintomorethanjustastranger;hebecamemyshield.AshieldIneededtorepaybyany

meansnecessarybecauseeightydollarswasnothingcomparedtowhathe’ddone.

Mythoughtskeptmebusyaswedidanotherblock,headingpastclosedstoresandanoccasional

drunkpedestrian.Isnuckglancesatmycompanion,growingeverdesperatetoaskquestionsandlearn
piecesabouthim.TotalktothemanwhoI’donlyjustmetbutwho’dimpactedmylifemorethananyone.

DidheknowhowgratefulIwas?
Didheunderstandwhathe’ddonebysavingme?
Ifhewerehomeless,Iwouldhelphim.
Ifhewerestruggling,Iwouldpayhim.
Alifeforalife.
Iwouldn’tstopuntilI’dsavedhisashe’ddonemine.
Hisdarkgazecapturedme.Turbulentanddeep,thepoolsofferocityandcalculationhidsofter

emotionsunderneath.Weweavedaroundthinningfoottraffic,linkedinsomekismetway,movingclose
andapart,tetheredwithsharedincident.

IhatedthatI’dalreadyliedtohim.ThatIhadn’ttoldhimmyrealprofessionandhiddenwhoIwas.

ButIlikedhimbelievingIwasnothingmorethananofficeworkerwithashoeboxforahome.Iliked
himthinkingIwasnormalandnotuntouchablelikealltheboysfrommyschoolhad.

Ilikethewayhelooksatme.
Likehefeltsomething,too.Somethinghecouldn’tunderstand—somethingthatwasn’tsexualor

chemicalornamed.Butsomethingtuggingustostaytogether,tochasewhateveritwasthatbouncedfrom
himtome.

Ismiledsoftly,droppingmyheadashisstarebecametoointense.Thehotblushonmycheekshinted

atmyinexperiencebutalsomyopennessaroundhim.IfIdidn’tfeelsomething,Iwouldn’tcarehowhe
lookedatme.Ifmytummyhadn’tturnedintoatrampoline,myheartdoublebouncingonmylungs,I
wouldn’tmindthetautsilenceslowlygrowingtightereverysecond.

MyfatherwouldbehappyI’dfounda...friend?
Dad’sfirmbutfairfaceappearedinmymind.
Oh,no!
Myhandswoopedtomythroattotouchthesapphirestarhe’dgivenme—thestarthatmademefeelso

closetohim.Theonehe’dboughtmeoutoflove.

Itwasn’tthere.
Myneckwasempty.
Theytookit!
Iforgottotellhimtogetitback.
Islammedtoastop,lookingovermyshoulderasmyfingersdancedalongmynakedcollarbone.Dad

wouldkillme!HewouldknowI’dbeenoutandmuggedbecausetherewasnootherwayIwould’velet
thatnecklacego.

Shit.
“Iseverythingokay?”Heslowedalittle,hisarmsrelaxingwithhandsstuffedinhisfronthoodie

pocket.

“Mynecklace.Theystillhaveit.”
Hestopped.“Whatnecklace?”
“Mybirthdaypresent.”Isighedheavily,theweightoftearsalreadycrushing.“Iknowasillynecklace

won’tmeanmuchtoyou,butitwassentimental.”

Hespreadhislegs,onceagaindrawingmyattentiontohowlitheandfasthelooked.“Youdidn’t

mentionitwhenIaskedifthey’dtakenanythingelse.”

“Iknow!”Igrabbedmyhair,twistingitwithnerves.“Iforgot.Itallhappenedsofast.”
“Ifitmeantsomuchtoyou,youshould’veremembered.”Histonewasn’tcondescendingorcruel,but

hiswordsbitintomelikewasps.

Iswallowedmysadness,embracinganger.“Itwasnew.Hegaveittomethismorning.”
“Andyou’resuretheytookit?”
“Ofcourse,I’msure.”Ispunaround,yankingmyhairoffmynapetoshowthecutleftbehindfrom

whenthey’dyankedthechain.“See?”

“Iaskedforyourbelongingstobereturned.”Hisfacehardenedasiftakingmylosspersonally.“They

returnedthem.”

“Iknow—”
“Begratefulyoudidn’thavetogiveupsomethingelseotherthanabirthdaytrinket.”Helickedhis

lips,sullenannoyancebrightinhisgaze.“Bytheway,happybirthday.”Heturnedandstalkedforward,
eitherexpectingmetofollowordoinghisbesttorevokehispromisetoescortmehome.

Hewasright,ofcourse.Asillygemstoneinexchangeforavoidingpain?Itwasasmallpricetopay.

ButmyGod,ithurttothinkofmyfather’sgift—mybeautifulsapphirestar—inthehandsofthosecreeps.
Beingtouchedbythem,sittingintheirgrimypockets,destinedtobesoldtosomeonewhowouldnever
knowitsorigins.

Dadwillhateme.
Guiltateatmewithsharpsilverteeth.MyfatherwouldunderstandifItoldhimthetruthaboutwhat’d

happened—ifIwasbraveenoughtoadmitI’dleftwithouttellinganyone.Hewouldforgiveme.

Butwhatwouldthismanthinkofme?He’drescuedme,andinsteadofbeingrelieved,I’dalmost

burstintotearsbecauseanecklacethatwasworthafewthousandhadbeentaken.

Alifewasworthmorethanabauble.Iwasn’tasillychildanymore.
I’dneverbeenasillychild.
Iwon’tstartnow.
Breakingintoajog,Icaughtuptohimandtouchedhisforearm.“I’msorry.ImadeitseemlikeI

wasn’tgrateful.ThatIwasblamingyoufornotgettingitback.”Ilickedmylips.“I’mnot.I’mjustsadI
letthemtakeit,butyou’reright.It’sonlyanecklace.”

Heslammedtoastop,hiseyeslockedonwhereItouchedhim.Heswallowedhard.“Youdon’thave

toexplaintome.”

“Yes,Ido.Ioweyou.Idon’twantyoutothinkI’msomesortofprincess.”
Heshifted,hismouthpursingashelookedmeupanddown.“Whatbirthday?”
Iblinked.“What?”
“Howolddidyouturn?”
“Oh,um—”Istruggledtotellhim.NotbecauseIwantedtokeepmyprivatelifeprivatebutbecause

hewasolderthanIwas.Helookedmid-twentieswithhardnessonlybornfromfightingeverydayofhis
life.Iwassoftwherehewassharp.Iknewhowtofightbutinboardroomsandonconferencecalls,noton
thestreets.

Hesighed.“Igetit.Youdon’thavetotellme.”Pushingaway,hecontinuedwalking;hisjeansscuffed

byhisdirtysneakers.

“No,wait.”Itrottedafterhim.“Iwanttotellyou.”
HepausedasIreturnedtohisside,comfortablebesidehimeventhoughIdidn’tknowhim.“Iturned

nineteen.”

Helaughed,lowandshort.“Wow,Iknewyouwereyoungbutnotthatyoung.”
“Howyoungdidyouthink?”

Hiseyestightened.“Twenty,twenty-one.”
“That’snotabigdifference.”
Hepushedoffagain,wedginghishandsintohispockets,revealingahabit.“Stillateen.”
Ididn’tletthatirritateme.“Howoldareyou?”
Aslightchucklesoundedashepulledhishoodbackup,hidinghisshaggyblack-brownhair,adding

yetmoreshadowstohishandsomeface.“Olderthanyou.”

Withthehoodandthenightsky,hisfacedancedonmymemory,alreadyfading—asifmyeyeshadn’t

capturedhisfeaturesenoughtoimprintlong-termrecollection.

Icrossedmyarms.“Tellme.Itoldyou.”
Heglancedatmesideways.“Twenty-five.”
“Sixyears.That’snotmuch.”
“It’senoughtogetsomepeoplethrowninjail.”
“Somepeople?”
Hetossedhisheadwithatightrollofhisshoulders.“Forgetit.”
Wewalkedinsilenceforamoment,myfingerstrailingonceagaintomynakedthroat.IhatedthatI’d

forgottenaboutmynecklace.ThatIhadn’ttakenstockandaskedforitback.DidthatmeanIwasn’t
worthyofsuchagift—ifIdidn’tappreciateitenoughtoremember?

Inarashdecision,Isaid,“Youknow,ifIhadrememberedtoaskformynecklace,itwouldn’thave

beenmineanymore.”

Hescowled,waitingformetocontinue.
“Itwould’vebeenyours.”
Surpriseflickeredoverhisobscuredfacebeforefinallysettlingintopoliterefusal.“No.”
“No?”
“Justno.”
Pricklesraceddownmyspine.Halfofmewantedtoforcehimtoaccepttheimaginarygift.A

sapphirecould’veconvertedtoshowersandmealsandaroofoverhisheadratherthandanglearoundmy
sillylittleneck.

Buthehunchedhisshoulders—notinaregretfulwaybutmoreregal,morehonorablethanI’dever

seen.“Idon’tneedyourfuckingcharity.”

Hiscursecutthroughouroddconversation.
Icouldn’tunderminehisgooddeedbyforcinghimtohypotheticallyacceptsomethinghewouldnever

have.ButhehadtoknowhowmuchIappreciatedhishelp.“I’llgiveyoumoremoneywhenwegethome,
okay?I’llmakesureyou’recompensated—”

“I’mnotafteryourdamnmoney,”hesnapped.“IfIwas,Icould’vedonewhattheydidandrobbedyou

wheretherewerenowitnesses.”

Thebusycityfadedaroundme.“Youwouldn’t.”
“Youdon’tknowme.”
“You’reright.Idon’t.”Iignoredmysuddenshiver.“Sotellme.”
“Tellyouwhat?”
“Whatdoyouwant?Whereareyoufrom?HowcanIreturnthefavor?”
Hebaredhisteeth.“Iwantnothing.I’mfromnowhere.Andyoucan’treturnit.”
Ididn’tlethisfistedhandsortautbodyswayme.“Wantingnothingisn’ttrue.Andyou’refrom

somewhere...butIgetifyouwanttokeepitsecret.Surely,there’ssomethingyouneed.”Iwavedmyarm
atthecongestedpavement.“You’renotwalkingforyourhealth.”Ipointedathisbloodyhands.“Talking
abouthealth,youshouldprobablyhavethoselookedat.”Imovedcloser,grabbinghiswristwithout
thinking.

Hestiffened.

Electricitysprangfromhimtomeandmetohimandeverywhichwayaroundusuntilwestoodina

webofsparksfromjustthesimplesttouch.

Hisjawclenched;hiseyesnarrowedanddark.Placinghishandovermineonhiswrist,heeverso

slowlypulledatmyfingersuntilmygripwasnomore.Droppingmyhandfromhim,hewhispered,
“Thereissomething.”

Ishookmyhead,lostandconfusedandsoscrambledIcouldn’tfollow.Henoticedthequestioninmy

eyes,answeringforme.“ThereissomethingIwantfromyou.”

“What?Whatdoyouwant?”
Heglancedawayasifhehadn’tmeanttosaythat.Forasecond,helookedlikehe’dboltintothe

crowdsandvanish.Butthenheclearedhisthroat.“Doyoutrustme?”

“What?”
Hischocolateeyeslockedonmineagain.“Doyoutrustme?”
“Ijustmetyou.”
“Doesn’tmatter.Yesorno.”
WhatshouldIsay?Thatyes,insomeweirdway,Ididtrusthim.Orno,Iwasn’tstupidenoughtotrust

someonewhobeatuptwoguysandthenkeptmelongerthannecessaryinanalley.

Heglowered,hisintensityonceagaincausinggoosebumps.“Yesorno.It’snothard.”
Slowly,Inodded.“Yes,Itrustyou.”
“Good.”Hewrappedanarmaroundmywaistandyankedmeoffthefootpath.Withoutaword,he

herdedmeacrosstheroad.Reachingtheotherside,heletmegobutdidn’tmovefaraway.

Sharedbodyheathummedbetweenus,growingthickerwiththingsIdidn’tunderstand.Thingsallso

newandforeignbutdesperatelywanted.“Wherearewegoing?”

“CentralPark.”
“What?”Islammedtoahalt.“Youcan’tbeserious.Noonegoesinthereatthistimeofnight.For

safetyreasonsandforsecurity.It’snotopen.”

Hegrinned;thestreetlightabovehimpaintedhiminagoldenglow,lookingpartangel,partdevil.“I

knowawayin.”

Ibackedup.“I’vechangedmymind.Let’sjustgohome.”
Hisfacedarkenedthensolidifiedintodetermination.“Youdon’tgettodothat.Youjustagreedtotrust

me.”Hesteppedforward,hischestbrushingmine.Thecheapmaterialofthebomberjacketrubbedthe
laceofmybra,makingmeachinglysensitive.Myneckbenttolookupathim,drinkinginthewayhishair
ranwildaroundhisface,andhisbeardmaskedhim,revealingonlywhathewantedtoreveal.

“I’lltakeyouhomeafterward.”Hishandcameup,brushingasideawaywardblondestrand,his

fingerskissingthesideofmyface.

Ijoltedbutcouldn’tmoveaway.Theconcretehadturnedintosuperglue.
BeforeIcouldreply,hedroppedhistouch,grabbedmyhand,anddraggedmetowardthewallof

CentralPark.

Helookedoverhisshoulderaswepatrolledtherockbarricade.Haulinghimselfup,heswunghis

legsoveranddroppedintonothing.

Idashedtothewallandlookeddown.
Inthedarkness,Ibarelymadeouthisshapeafewfeetbelow.
Hisheadtiltedtowardme,onceagaincloakedintheshadowsheseemedtoruleover,onlyhishands

andfacevisibleashereachedup.“Jump.I’llcatchyou.”

You’llcatchme?
Iwantedtoyell,buttheoccasionallate-nightdogwalkerontheothersideofthestreetkeptmequiet.

Thiswasillegal.Ididn’twanttogetcaught.ImaginethepublicityifthisgotoutthatI’dsnuckoutonmy

birthday,almostgotmolested,gavemydinnertoahomelessguy,thengallivantedaroundthecitydoing
badthingswithatotalstranger.

WhothehellamI?
Ishouldturnaroundandfindmyownwayhome.Ishouldhopinacabandpaythedriverwhenhe

droppedmeoffwiththepettycashthatwasstoredinthecloakroomuponarrivalatBelleElle.

Ihadsomanyoptions.
SoIhadnoexcusewhenIdeliberatelychosenoneofthem.
Islungmyjean-cladlegsoverthewall,inhaleddeep,andletgo.

ChapterNine

HISARMSWEREwarmsteel.

Hecaughtmeinmysemi-slideasIplummeteddowntherockwall.Hedidn’tmanagetocatchmy

entireweight,andmylegsjarredastheyhittheground,buthecradledmytorsowithinfinitesimal
gentleness.

Westayedlikethatforfarlongerthannecessary,swayingineachother’sembrace,somehowdeleting

thestrangerdangerandbecomingacquaintedinstead.

Heclearedhisthroat,movingback.
Ishiveredashisarmsunraveled,leavingmetomyowngravity,removinghimselffrommyorbit.
HewaiteduntilIhadmybalancebeforestridingintothegloom.“Nowthatwe’rein,keepaneyeout

forsecurityguards.”

Fearmultiplied.“Guards?Asinguardswithguns?”
“Probably.Doesn’teveryoneinAmericaownagun?”
Ihatedthathewasright.Evenmyfatherhadonelockedinacaseathome.Notthathe’deverusedit

—thatwaswhywehadbodyguards.

Thethoughtofhowdifferentourworldsweremademeself-conscious.WhatwouldhesayifI

admittedthatthebuildingglowingthebrightestonthehorizonwasmine?ThatIcrunchednumbersand
paidbillsonadailybasisvaluedatmorethanhe’dprobablyseeninhisentirelife?

Hedidn’tnoticemysuddenheavystepsasheslinkedthroughthefewbushesanddisappearedintothe

dark.

Followinghim,Ididmybestnottoimaginemonstersintheswayingfoliageandremainlevel-headed.

ImissedSage.Imissedherwhiskersandlong,silvertail.ImissednormalcyandaplacewhereIwasin
chargeandnottheuniversetakingmeonajeopardy-filledodyssey.

Butevenashomesicknessfilledpartofmyheart,freedomfilledtheother.ThelongerIwasinhis

company,themoreIfoundtheconfidencetobethegirlwhostooduptocrooksinnothingbutherbra.To
speakmymindandchaseafteramanwhodidstrangethingstomystomach.

Andaboveall,nottoembarrassmyself.
Whoevermyguidewas,hehadanairofaloofconfidencethatmadeitvitalhesawmeasstrongnot

weakifIwantedhimtonoticemeandnotjustpityme.

Wedidn’tspeakaswenavigatedthebushes.Afewlightshereandthereofferedillumination,while

theflashlightofasecurityguardpatrollinginthedistancemadeushugthetreeline.

“Wherearewegoing?”Iwhispered.
“You’llsee.”
Oursneakersscuffedthroughbrushandtwigs,soloudtomyearsbutnodoubtunnoticeableby

whoeverenforcedthelawsaboutbreakingintothisplace.

Poppingfromtheundergrowth,wedashedacrossapathandenteredagrassyfieldwithcaged

baseballcourtsunderthehalfmoon.

“Comeon.Hurry.”Heheldouthishand,guidingmetowardthesuperhighchainlinkfence.“Climb.”
“What?”Ipeeredintothestar-litsky.“Areyouinsane?”
Helookedoverhisshoulderasabranchsnapped.“Hurry.”Pushingmeupward,hedidn’tgivemea

choice.Hishandlandedonmyass,searinghisfingerprintsintomyflesh.Acometsomehowfellfromthe

darkvelvetaboveandlodgeditselfinmychest.

IttookeveryounceofconcentrationtoclimbwhenallIcouldthinkaboutwashisfingerstouchingme

wherenoothermanhadbefore.

Hefollowedme,scalingsomuchfasterwithexperience.Reachingthetop,heslunghisbodyoverand

justletgo.Hisblack-cladbodyfellwithallthegraceofajunglecat.

Ididn’thavetheballs.
Icrawledoverthetop—thankfultherewasnobarbwire—andclimbeddownafewrungsbefore

finallydroppingtothestablegroundbelow.Myfingerssmartedfromgrippingtheharshmetal.

HeshowednosignofbeingaffectedattouchingmeinanintimateplacesoIdidn’teither—even

thoughmyasscheekthrobbedasifhe’dspankedme.

“Won’ttheyseeusinhere?”Iglancedaroundforsecuritycameras.Ispiedoneaimedatthehome

diamond.“Wait.”Ihissed.

Heturnedaround,hiseyebrowarchedinquestion.
“Thecamera.”Icockedmychinatthelensglintinginthestarlight.
“Itdoesn’twork.”
Thewayhesaiditmadeitsoundasifheknewexactlywhyitdidn’twork.Sohe’savandalanda

vigilante?

Fightingmynerves,Ipacedafterhimuntilwestoodinthecenterofthefield.Allaroundus(outside

thechainlink)weremanicuredlawnsandsweepingtreestogivewatchersaspotofshadeonhotdays.

Onceinthemiddleoftheplayingfield,hefellintoacross-leggedpositionandtuggedmyhandtojoin

him.

Istruggledagainsthisweightforasecondbutfinallygaveinandjoinedhim.ThemomentIwas

sitting,hepushedmyshoulder.

Myabsclenchedagainsthispressure,tryingtostayupright.
Butitwasnouse.
Hiseyeslockedonmine,addingmoreauthorityuntilIgaveupfightingandfollowedhiscommand.

Downanddown,untilmyspinekissedthesoftgrass.

Myheartchuggedbloodlikeitwasstarving.
Untanglinghislegs,hereclined,slowlyslottinghisbodyalongmine,stealingmybreath,makingevery

cellspringintotinyknife-likebladesofsensation.

Hisgazelandedonmylips,drawingawarenessandconcentrationintooverpoweringlevels.Myhead

swamwiththepossibilityofhimkissingme.Hisgazehooded,hisownthoughtsofkissingmecoatinghis
face.

Ididn’tknowhowIfeltabouthimkissingme.WouldIlethim?WouldIscream?
IhatedtoadmitthatIwouldlethim.ThatI’dprobablykisshimback.Thatdespitemywariness,I

trustedhim,andifIwasgoingtodosomethingasrecklessaskissatotalstrangerunderthemooninthe
middleofCentralPark,itwouldbethisnamelessman.

Isthiswhathemeantwhenhesaidhewantedsomethingfromme?
DidhethinkIwaseasy?
Asurething?
Evenwithsuchawfulthoughtsinmyhead,mybodydidn’tbuyintotheshame.
Mychinarched.Ilickedmylips.Theworldstoodstill.
Heswayedcloser,proppinghimselfuponanelbowtohoverhisfaceovermine.
OhGod,he’strulygoingtokissme.
Myfirstrealkiss.
SomethingIwouldrememberfortherestofmylife,regardlessifIremainedaspinstertoBelleElle

ormarriedamanwhowouldalwaysbesecondbesttomycareer.

Butthen...hestopped.
Pullingback,heshookhisheadandlaybackdown.“WhatthefuckamIdoing?”Cradlinghisheadin

thepalmofhishand,helookedupatthemoon.Fortheshortestglimpse,atorturedneedglimmeredinhis
gazethendisappeared.

Isuckedinamuch-neededbreath,tryingtodecidewhatthehelljusthappened.
Mymouthwentdry.Mychestfulloffeatheredwings.JitterstookovermymotorskillsasIreplayed

thealmost-kissoverandover.

Afewminutestickedpast.
Thegrassrustledashesatup,digginghishandintohishoodiepocket.
Pullingfreeawrappedchocolatebar,heglancedatmewithafaintglintofpossessionandindecision.
Mystomachgrowledatthesightoffood,remindingmeIhadn’teatensinceamouthfulofspicybeef

burrito.Hesmirkedatmynoisytummythencourteouslybutreluctantlyofferedmethechocolate.“Here.
YousoundhungrierthanIam.”

Myhandcameup,acceptinghisgift.WaitingtomakesureIhadholdofit,hedroppedhisarm.He

sighedheavily,findingithardtotearhisgazeawayfromthechocolateandfocusonthemoon.

Hisownstomachgurgledquietlyasheplacedasplayedhandoverhiswaistandpresseddown.
Everythinginsidemehurt.Thevulnerabilityofhiminthatmoment.Thegenerosityofgivingupthe

onlyfoodhehad,eventhoughhewasmostlikelystarving.Iworkedwithpeopleonadailybasiswho
wouldratherthrowoutentireplattersoffoodthandonateittothoseinneed.ThenewsonTVwasfullof
greedandcrueltyandrichassholesthinkingonlyofthemselves.

Andthentherewashim.
AmanIdidn’tknow.AsaviorI’donlyjustmet.Butsomeonewhohadaprofoundeffectonmeinthe

hourwe’dbeentogether.

Hesighedagain,swallowinghardashefinallytorehisgazeawayandlookedatthestars.
Whenwasthelasttimeheate?Wheredidhegetacandybar?Whenwasthelasttimehe’deaten

anythingmoresubstantialthanjustchocolate?

MyhungerturnedtoindigestionasIdidmybesttoguesshisstory.Hisbodyhunchedashisstomach

stoppedgrowling.Hissneaker-coveredfeetwerethreadbearandrubber-worn,speakingofsomany
milestraveledandnosanctuaryfound.Thesilverglintofthemoonplayedontheblackofhishoodie,
makingitseemasifhedressedinliquidmercury.

MyhandsshookasIopenedthecandybarandslowlyunwrappedit.Hisjawclenchedatthenoiseof

thewrapper.Thesoftrustlingofgrasshintedhewasn’tasrelaxedasheappeared.Thetensionrippling
offhimwasthatofastarvingwolfwantingtoattackitspreybutfindingrestraint...barely.

Icouldn’tstopstaringathim.Couldn’tstopmyheartfrompushingthroughmyribstogotohim.To

demandhisname,hisbackground,toknowhowhehadsuchapoweroverme.

Whatisthis...magic...betweenus?
Wasitlikethisbetweenanyboyandgirl?Wasthedesiretocuddlecloseandlistenasmuchasthe

needtocurlcloseandkissthebasisof...dareIsayit...attraction?

Iscoffed.
Attraction?
Whatdoyouknowaboutattraction,Elle?
You’reaclosetromanticwhoknowsnothingbutspread-sheetsandmerchandise.
Iwasanidiottobelievetherewassomethinggoingonbetweenus—knownorunknown,uniqueor

mundane.

Thechocolatebarmeltedalittleinmyfingers.Mytummychurned;IdidtheonlythingIcoulddo.I

hadtoaccepthisgiftnow;otherwise,hewouldknowIsuspectedhewashomelessandhungryandwould
nevertoleratemypity.

ButIcouldn’teatitallbecauseifhewashomeless,whatelsewouldhehave?Howlongwouldthat

eightydollarslasthiminacitythatwassoexpensivejusttosurvive?

Tearingthechocolateinhalf,Isatupandplacedhishalfonhisknee.“Thankyou.”
Hiseyesfoundmineashishandlatchedoverthecandy.Hisgazedancedovermyface,lips,and

hands.Hisfingerscurledalmostunconsciouslyaroundthechocolatewithaferalgleam,justdaringmeto
takeitaway.

Slowly,henodded,acceptingthatIknewthingshedidn’twanttosayandagreedtoeatbecause,if

nothingelse,therewastrustbetweenus.

Igavehimsomespacebylookingaway.
Takingmytime,Inibbledonthechocolate,nougat,andcaramel,doingmybesttofocusontasterather

thanmyphysicalawarenessofhim.

Itwasimpossible.
Theentireevening—fromtheperfumedpark,tothedewygrass,tothesilentmaninhalinghalfa

chocolatebar—searedonmymindlikeanold-fashionedphotograph,developingfromblurredtosharp
withhastycapture.Amemorycreatedbythisman,thisnight,andthissugaryconfectionery.Iwouldnever
againwalkthroughCentralParkwithoutrememberinghimorhowmuchhe’dshakenupmyinnocent,
boringworld.

Takingtinybitestomakethetreatlastlonger,Ididn’texpectconversation.Sowhenasoftmurmur

interruptedthesilenceofthepark,Ijolted.

“Doyoucomehereoften?”
Iwantedtogiggle.Itsoundedlikeacheesypick-upline.Hedidn’tcrackasmileorsoften.Hewas

serious.

Ilookedathimthroughthewaterfallofblondehairthat’dfallenovermyshoulder.He’dalready

finishedhisdinner(orwasthatbreakfastorlunchoramidnightsnack?)Onceagain,theshadowsofhis
beardandthesilver-lightmadehimseemmysticalandnotquitereal.Toohandsometobereal.Toomuch
tobereal.

Iswallowedmynervesandchocolate.“NotasmuchasIwouldlike.”
“Why?”
“BecauseIworkallhoursoftheday.Irarelygettoleavetheoffice.”
Heshiftedhiseyesfromtheopenfieldtothetallbuildingsinthedistancewiththeirglowing

windowsandadultobligations.BelleEllewasthebrightestjewel,mockingme,tellingmetocomehome.

“Doyoulikeit?Beingcoopedupalldaywithnofreedom?”
Ishrugged.“Whotrulylovestheirwork?”
Hedidn’treply.
“Igetsatisfactionfromdoingajobwelldone.IlikeknowingI’vedonesomethingworthwhile.”I

lookeddown.“Soyes,IguessIdoenjoyit.”

Hekepthisattentiononthebuildings,glaringatBelleElleasifhealreadyknewitownedmylifeand

soul,andthatwhateverthiswas,itwasnothingcomparedtocontractsandlifetimelegacies.“Itmustbe
nicetoaffordexpensivethingslikebirthdaynecklaces.”

Ilickedmyfingersfreeofmyfinalbiteofcandy.“Doyouknowmuchaboutjewelry?”
Hethrewmeacausticlook.“I’mnotcompletelyignorant.JustbecauseI’m—”Hecuthimselfoff,

returningtostareatthecityscape.“Iknowenough.”

“I’mnotsayingyoudidn’t.”
“Justdropit.”
“Foryourinformation,Ididn’tbuythatnecklace.Itwasagift.Ididmentionthat.”
Hetensed.“Fromaboyfriend?”
“WoulditbotheryouifIsaidyes?”

Helaughedharshly.“Whywoulditbotherme?”
Ishookmyhead,mycheekspinkinginembarrassment.IhadnoideawhyI’daskedorwhyithurtso

muchthathe’dfoundmyquestionfunny.“Noreason.”

Icouldn’tlookup.Thegrasswassuddenlyincrediblyinteresting.Ipluckedafewblades,running

themthroughmyfingers.

Outthecornerofmyeye,Isawhimtwistslightly,hisfacehidden.Slowly,hishandcameup,his

fingersnudgingmychin.Ididn’twanttolookathim,buthispressuregavemenochoice.

Ilethimraisemyhead.OureyeslockedandbreathingbecameataskIcouldnolongerperform.
“Doyoutrustme?”
Itrembledashisfingersslowlyunfurledfromguidingmyheaduptolinkingaroundmynape.
Icouldn’tspeak.
Imanagedthesmallestnod.
Hisfingerstightened,pullingmyfacetowardhis.Isuckedinashallowbreathashisgazedove

deeperintomineandhistonguewettedhislips.“I—Iwon’thurtyou.”

Hiswhisperlandedonmymouthjustbeforehepulledmehard.
Ourlipsconnected.
Ifroze.
Thescentofgrassandstrangemalehitmynostrils.Thewildnessofopenskiesandmidnightmademe

uninhibitedandfree.Myeyesgrewheavy,closingoftheirownaccordasheaddedpressuretothekiss,
tiltingmyheadwithhisgripbehindmyneck.

Igaveupeverycontrolwithoutathought.Myspineturnedtowater.Myinsidestosteam.
Hegroanedalittle,understandingmysubmissionevenwhenIdidn’t.
Scootingcloser,hislipsparted.Thetipofhistonguedartedouttotestme.TesttoseeifItrustedhim

enoughtolethimkissmeinanemptypark.Trusthimenoughnottogotoofarorhurtme.

IansweredbackintheonlylanguageIcurrentlyknew.Mylipsopened,mytonguehesitantlytouching

hiswithtruth.Theexplosionofchocolatemadememoanundermybreathashelickeddeepinsidemy
mouth.

Hedidn’thesitate.
Therewasnosloppinessorconfusion.Hishandheldmesteady,hismouthworkedmine,andevery

partofmeflaredwithdrowning,darkdesire.

Heshifteduntilhiskneesnudgedmine,hisarmwrappingaroundmywaist,deletingthespace

betweenus.TheawkwardnessofsittingondampgrasswrappedinamanIdidn’tknowdidn’tstopthe
heatofthekissfromescalating.

Ourtonguesmetandretreated.
Ourlipsslippedandconnected.
Witheveryheartbeat,weincreasedspeedanddepthuntilIlostcontroloftherestofmybodyand

foundmyfingersinhislongdarkhair,tuggingthelengths,learningthestrandsweren’tsoftlikesilkbut
thickanddreadlockedwithneglect.

ThatIwaskissingapotentiallyhomelessmandidn’tstopmefromwantingmore.Grabbingafistfulof

hishair,Ipulledhimdemandinglyintome.

Heswayedcloserthensnapped.Hepushedmebackward,forcingmetoliedown.ThemomentIwas

horizontal,helaydownbesideme.Onelegpressedovermine,histhighdeliberatelygoingbetweenmy
legs.Hisbodyweightpinnedmedown.

Itriedtofight,doingmybesttoholdontosomeresemblanceofdecency,butthemomenthelayhalf

ontopofme,wedgingourbodiestogetherasifthiswasexactlywhatwewereborntodo—withhis
erectionagainstmyhip,andhisarmaroundmywaist,andhistongueinmymouth,andhistouchonmy
neck...Igavein.

Iwasn’tafraid.
Iwasn’tlost.
NotlikeIwasanhouragowhentwomenpressedtheirunwantedpiecesofanatomyagainstme.This

man...Iwantedhimto.ThismanIdidn’tknowbutsharedanintoxicatingconnectionwith.

Lightsflashedinmyeyesashistonguedovedeeper,dragginganothermoanfromeverycreviceleft

insideme.Iloopedmylegaroundhis,archingmyhips,pressingagainsthishardness,feelingmyself
swellandheatandmeltandyearn.

Hegroanedlongandlowasourhipsfoughttogetcloser.ImpatienceI’dneverfeltbeforesuddenly

hateddenimandzippersandrules.

Nineteenandneverbeenkissed.
Iwoulddoitalloveragainifthiswasmyfirsttruesexualexperience.Ifeveryfireworkgoingoffin

myeardrumsandeyelidswasbecauseofhim,Iwouldgladlybecelibatefortherestofmydaysto
deservemore.

Becauseofhim,Iwasunhingedandgrindingwithinsanity,givingintomadnessI’dneverunderstood.
Howhadmynightendedlikethis?
Wherehadthisspontaneitycomefrom?
Thisrecklessness?
Myteethcaughthisbottomlip,draggingasliptideofviolenceandneedfromhim.Hegrowledinto

mymouth,nippingandlickingexactlylikethestarvingwolfIthoughthewas.

“Fuck,what—whatareyoudoingtome?”Hisbreathlessgruntdidthings.Glorious,deliciousthings.

Hisvoicecreatedknotsandbowswithmyinsides.Itfilledmystomachwithwhirlwinds;itaffectedmy
coreuntilmypantiesgrewasdampasthegrasswelayupon.

IlovedknowingIaffectedhimthewayheaffectedme.Adoredthatwewereinthiscrazinesstogether

—trippingintowhateverrabbitholewe’dfoundanddecidingtokissandkissuntilwesplattedagainstthe
bottom.

Hishandsroamed,skatingovermysides,keepingtotheboundariesofpleasure.Iarched,twistinga

littletointercepthisfingersastheyswoopedupandfoundmybreast.

Webothgasped,stealingoxygenfromeachother’slungsandsharingamoan-filledshudder.Myhands

feltempty—Ineededtotouchsomethingofhis.SomethingI’dnevertouchedbeforeanddidn’tknowhow
butIwantedto.So.Damn.Much.

Lightsappearedagain.Iwasdeliriouswithneedbutwithnoexperienceorknowledgeonhowto

relievesuchdesire.

Iwantedhimtodosomething.Touchsomething.Removethistinglingsparklingsupernovadeepinmy

belly.Buthetorehislipsfrommine,hisheadflyingupwardinarainofmessyhairandsmeared
chocolate.

“Shit.”Hepulledaway,leavingmybodywantingandunsatisfied.“We’vegottogo.Now!”
Thelightswerebrighterwithmyeyesopen.
Itwasn’thim.
Itwassecurity.
“Hey,you!”Aflashlightshonedirectlyonus.
Kissingforgotten,hejumpedtohisfeetandgrabbedmyhand.Hehauledmeeffortlesslyuprightand

yankedmeintoarun.“Go!”

Ididn’thesitate.
Mysneakersdugintothegrass,propellingmeasfastasIcould.
“Stop!”Thesecurityguardgavechase,hisflashlightbouncingerratically.Heskirtedtheoutsideofthe

baseballfieldbutmostlikelyhadkeysashejoggedbreathlesslytowardthestandsratherthantrytoout-
runusasweboltedfortheothersideofthefence.

Reachingthechainlink,thenamelessmanI’djustkissedgrabbedmyhipsandboostedmeafootinto

theair.“Climb.Fast.”Hisvoicewasn’toutofbreathbutthrobbedwithurgency.Herippledwiththeneed
tobolt.

IclutchedthemetalandscurriedasfastasIcouldwithmyshoesbarelyfittingintotheholes.The

fencewobbledashescaleditfasterthanIcould,swingingoverthetopanddroppingdown.

“Comeon!”hehissed.
Iclimbedfaster,curlingmyselfoverthetop.
Hepacedbelow,holdinghisarmsout.“Jump.I’llcatchyou.”
“What...again?”Thathe’dalreadydemandedtocatchmetwiceinourshortrelationshipalmostmade

melaugh.Hadweformedhabitsalready?

Hysteriaatbeingchasedmadejumbledemotionsrunriot.Laughterbecamenervousness.Attraction

becameanxiety.

“Doit,Elle.”Histonegavenoargument.
Thesecurityguardhadvanished,butitdidn’tmeanhewouldn’tpopupanysecond.Clingingtothe

otherside,Iloopedmyfingerstight.

“I’mhere.”Hebracedhislegs,waiting.
Givinghimonelastglance,hopingtoGodhewasamanofhisword,Isqueezedmyeyesandletgo.
Thefallsetmystomachtanglingwithmythroat.Ilandedawkwardlylikeabridewho’dfallenfrom

thealtarintohergroom’sarms.

Hegrunted,pullingmyhorizontalformintohisembrace.Hestumbledbutdidn’tdropme.Oureyes

met;ahalf-smirkhijackedhislips.“Couldn’tstayawayfromme,huh?”

Iswattedhisshoulder.“You’retheonewhotoldmetojump.”
Hisfacedarkened.“I’malsotheonewhokissedyou.”
Aflashlightappeared;agarbledshoutwascloser.
“Shit.”Heletmylegsgo,swingingmetovertical.Theinstantmyfeettouchedtheground,hegrabbed

myhandandyankedmeforward.

Weran.
Airandspeedandnight-sky.
Moreflashlightsappearedfromotherendsofthepark,dancingwithraysofrighteousnessasback-up

guardsarrived,chasinguslikehounds.

“Oh,myGod!”Iyelled.“Whatdowedo?”
“Keeprunning.”Hepulledmeforward,slippingintoafastergear.
Iwasn’tunfit(thankstomyregulargymsessions)butIcouldn’tkeepupwithhispace.Mylungs

burned.Mymouthopenedwide,gulpingatunhelpfulair.

Asecurityguardappearedtoourleft,burstingfromthenight-shroudedbushes.Behindhimranfour

meninuniform.

Police.
Holyshit.
Whyarethepoliceinvolved?
Wehadn’tvandalizedpropertyorhurtanyone.We’dgoneforastrollandkissedunderthemoon.What

wassowrongwiththat?

“Fuck!”Namelesssqueezedmyhand,doinghisbesttodragmefaster.“Comeon!”
Ishookmyhead,stumbling,dragginghimback.“Ca—can’t.”Tuggingonhisgrip,Ididmybestfor

himtoreleaseme.“Mylegsarecramping.Letmego.”

“No.”Hisfingerslockedtighter.“Iwon’tletyougetarrestedbecauseofme.”
Arrested?

Thatawfulwordandterrifyingimplicationsgavemeafinalshotofenergy.IranasfastasIcould,for

aslongasIcould.Theflashlightsslowlylostgroundbutthenspeduptomatchus.

It’snouse.
LacticacidbuiltupandupuntilIlimpedratherthanran.Hehadnochoicebuttoeitherletmegoor

slowdown.Ididn’twanthimtoleave,butIalsodidn’twanthimtofaceasituationhedidn’tneedto.

“Goon.”Igasped.“Run.I’llcatchup.”
Hegloweredatmylie.“Youwon’tcatchup.They’lltakeyouintocustody.”Hepunchedasaplingas

wesprintedpast.“Fuck!Thisisallfuckedup!”Sweatglistenedonhisbrow,hisblackhoodstreamed
behindhim.Thesoftslapsofourshoesonthepavementmatchedourraggedbreathing.

Hewasn’tafraidofareprimand.Hewaslividatbeingcaught.Iwassureweweren’tthefirsttojump

thewallandfindsomeprivatetimetogether.Hewaswrongtothinkwe’dbearrested...surely?

Butitwasmorethanthattohim.Whateverexistencehelivedwasadangerousone.Ididn’tknow

whathesurvived,yetherehewas,pullingmeforwardonfalseenergygrantedfromhalfachocolatebar.

Ihadnorighttogethimcaught.NotwhenIhinderedhimwhilehetriedtodotherightthingby

keepingmesafe.Forthesecondtime.

Hedoesn’tevenknowme,yethe’sclaimedresponsibilityforme.
Myheartlurched,doingitsbesttoforceoutlacticacidandprovidelife-grantingbloodtomy

sufferinglegs.ButIwasdone.Therewasnothinglefttodobutstopandacceptthepunishment.

“Listen!”Ituggedagain,plantingmyfeettocreatedrag.“Yougo.I’mslowingyoudown.”
“Shutup.Justtrustme.”Hedidn’tlookbackorletgo.“Run!”
Ihadmoneyforlawyersifitcamedowntobeingarrested.Hemostlikelydidn’t.Icouldn’tbe

responsiblefortakinghisfreedomaway.

“No!Justletmego!”
Lookingoverhisshoulder,heeyedthepoliceslowlycatchingup.Adecisionflashedinhisgazejust

beforehisfeetchangeddirectionandhehurledmeintothebushesoffthepath.

Wecrashedintobranchesandleaves.Theworldbecameanevergreenmaze.Butthenheshovedmy

backagainstatrunk,wedgedhisbodyagainstmine,andkissedmesodamnhard,socrazilythorough,I
suffocatedfromrunningandkissingandeverydangerouspassionhepoureddownmythroat.

Myhandscameup,clutchinghishoodieashistonguetangledwithmine,knottingandlicking,stealing

everylastbreathIhad.

Pullingaway,herestedhisforeheadonmine,aroguishsmilereplacinghisgrimace.“I’mnotletting

yougo.I’veonlyjustfoundyou.”AtendernessglowedinhisbrowneyesthatI’dneverseenfromanother
otherthanfamily.

Mykneestrembled.“Youdon’tevenknowme.”
Heplacedawhisper-kissonmymouth.“Idon’thavetoknowyou.Ifeelyou.”Hishandslowly

threadedupmyside,takinglibertiesI’dgivenhiminamomentofinsanityonabaseballfield.

Neverlookingaway,hecuppedmybreast,runninghisthumbovermyflesh.
Imoanedalittle,myjawgoingslackasdesiresprangthick.
Hekissedmeagain,stealingmycry,pressinghishipsagainstmine.“Ifeelyoulikethis.”Hesqueezed

mybreastsoftly.“AndIfeelyoulikethis.”Herockederotically.“ButIfeelyoumostofallwiththis.”
Histouchclimbedfrommybreasttomyheart,pressingdownovertherapidlybeatingmuscle.“Idon’t
carethatIdon’tknowyou.Iknowenough.”

Ididn’tknowwhattosay.
Thiscouldn’tbereal.
Howhadmynightgonefromalleyrobberytobush-filledkisses?HowhadItranscendedfromlonely

workaholictofallingforamanI’donlyjustmet?Amanwholivedontheoppositescaleofmeinevery
littlething.Wealthandpoverty.Safetyanddanger.

“Comehomewithme.”IfIwereolderwithmyownapartment,thatinvitationwould’vereekedwith

sex.ButIwasn’tolderanddidn’tlivealone.Myneedforhimtobewithmewasn’tjustaboutmebuthim,
too.Iwantedtoprotecthim,shelterhim—togivehimabetterchancethantheworldhadsofar.

Hechuckled,brushinghismouthovermine.Deliberatelyignoringmydemand,hemurmured,“You

askedmebeforeifIwould’vebeenpissedifaboyfriendgaveyouthatnecklace.”

Istiffenedthenmeltedashistonguelickedminesweetly.“Theanswerisyes.Iwould’vebeenfucking

pissed.”

Myfaceburned.Mylipstingled.Icouldn’thelpmystupidgrin.“Itwasmyfather.”
Hishandlashedout,draggingmyfacetohisforanothermessyhalf-violent,half-tenderkiss.Isucked

inabreathasthesameintoxicatingarousalbillowed.Ibithisbottomlip.Hegroaned,nippingmeback.

“Thisiscrazy.”Ihuggedhimclose.
“Allthingsworthfightingforarecrazy.”Hekissedmyforehead.
“ButIdon’tevenknowyourname—”
Andthenwewereflying.
Somethingheavyandbrutalknockedussideways,tacklingusasaflashlightsplitthroughour

sanctuaryofbushes,showingthesilhouetteofahulkingsecurityguardashethrewustotheground.

Twigsslicedthroughmyjacket,pebblesanddirtsmearedmyhands,andNamelessgruntedinagony

asanotherguardlandedontopofhim.

MyshoulderscreamedasIrolledincorrectly.Theearlierpunchtomytemplepoundedinsympathy,

makingtheparkswim.

CursewordsandlimbsflewasNamelessfought.“Getthefuckoffus!”
“Easy,kid.”Anotherguardappeared,grabbingaflailingfoot.“It’sover.Giveitup.”
Themanwho’dlandedonmeslowlystoodup,toweringwithsmugvictoryonhischubbyface.“Can’t

run,girl.You’resurrounded.”

Iglowered,scootingcloserinthedirttoNamelesswhilehepunchedandfought.
“Lethimgo!”Iclamberedtomyknees,whackingthebackofsomepudgyguyinahigh-visjacket.

“Getoffhim!”

Myarmswerepinnedbehindmyback.
“Giveitarest.”Someonehauledmeupright.“Don’tassaultasecurityguard,ma’am,unlessyouwant

toaddthattoyourmisdemeanorstonight?”

Itriedtospin.Butthemanwhoheldmegavenoleeway.Yankingmebackward,hesaidtoNameless,

“Don’tbeahero.You’reoutnumbered.Stopwastingtime.”

MyeyesconnectedwiththemanI’dkissed.Heceasedfighting,turninglimpratherthanscrapping

withthesecurityguard.Wedidn’tlookawayasapoliceofficersteppedforwardandduckedtograbhis
wrists.

Withasharpsmile,Namelessswungonce,twice,thengaveup.Alasthoorahratherthananattemptat

escape.Hisheaddidn’tbowashisarmswereyankedbehindhisbacklikemine,andthesharpclickof
handcuffsbeingfastenedinterruptedthenight.

Hebreathedhardasthepoliceofficerjerkedhimtohisfeet,notcaringhalfthegardencamewithhim

inatumbleofdriedleavesanddirt.

Thesecurityguardwho’dlaunchedonhimstoodtoo,limpingalittlebutwithacruelsneeronhisface

atwinning.

Weweremarchedoutofthebushesandmadetostandonthepathwaywherejoggersandpram-

strollerswouldwalkinafewhourswhenthesunrose.Fornow,itwasaprocessingplaceforillegal
canoodling.

MyheartthunderedasItwistedmywristsinthecoldmetalimprisoningme.Tearingmygazefrom

Nameless,Iglancedatthepoliceofficerlurkingclosetohiscaptive.“Please,youdon’thavetoarrest

us.”

Anotherpoliceofficerwithgrayinghairandaheavyartillerybeltrubbedhisjaw.“See,that’swhere

you’rewrong.Trespassingisaseriousoffense.Asisindecentexposure.Plentyofcrimescommitted
tonight.”

“Indecentexposure?”Iscoffed.“When?”
“Makingoutinapublicplace.”
“That’snotillegal.”
“Isawhimfeelingyouup.”Asecurityguardwithasweatyfacegrunted.“Whoknowshowfaryou

would’vegoneifIhadn’tinterrupted.Sexonabaseballfield?That’sapunishableoffense.”

Mycheekspinked.Ididn’twanttodiscussanythingtodowithsexwiththeseidiots.“That’syour

wordagainstours.Wewouldnevergothatfar.We’renotsavages.”

“Speakforyourself.”Namelesschuckled.“Youcanargueuntilyoupassout,Elle,butyouwon’t

win.”Henarrowedhisgazewithhateattheguards.“Iknowthelaw,andthelawdoesn’tgiveashitabout
thetruth.”

“Watchyourmouth,son.”ThecopwiththeheavybeltpointedinNameless’sface.“You’realready

fucked,soIwouldn’tbeaddinganymoreammunitiontoyourfileifIwereyou.”

File?
Wait,hehasafile?
Shakingmyhead,determinednottoletquestionsundermineme,Ilookedattheofficerwhoseemedto

beincharge.“Look,we’resorry.Canwejustpayafine?”IlookedatNameless,sufferingsuchguiltthat
he’dsavedmefrombeingraped,givenmeoneofthebestexperiencesofmylife,andnow,hewouldbe
imprisonedallbecauseIcouldn’trunfastenough.“Letusgo.Ipromisewe’llleaveandnevercome
back.”

“Nocando,littlelady.”Thepoliceofficerwithhisheavybeltwhisperedtoacolleague,noddingto

somethingsaidontheradioclippedtohislapel.

HesmirkedatNameless.“Accordingtoreports,youwereseenbeatinguptwomenearliertonight.

Theysaidtheyfoundyouabouttorobandrapeayoungwoman,andtheytriedtostopyou.Fortheir
troubles,youalmostbrokeoneoftheircheekbonesandcrackedaribortwo.”

“Bullshit.”Mykisserbaredhisteeth.“Iwastheonetryingtopreventthemfromdoingthat.”He

cockedhischinatme.“That’sthegirltheyweretryingtohurt.”

Theofficersandsecurityguardsallraisedaneyebrow.“Isthistrue,ma’am?”
Ishrunkalittlebutnodded.“Yes.Hesavedme.”
“Savedyou?”Theofficercoughed.“Savedyouandthenbroughtyoutoaclosedparktodowhat?”
Iswallowed.“I’mveryawareofhowthislooks,buthe’sright.Wemetwhenhesavedme.They—

theyweregoingtohurtme.”

“Andhewould’vehurtyouifwehadn’tappeared.”
“No,that’snottrue.”
“Youdon’tknowhimlikewedo,miss.”
Apoliceofficercameovertopatmedownwhileanotherpattedmysavior’sbody.Myheartstopped

whentheyfoundtheeightydollarsinhishoodiepocket.

“Didn’trobyou,huh?”
“That’smine,fuckface.”Namelessfoughtagainstthehandcuffs.
“Ofcourse,itis,”theleadofficersaid.“Howmanytimesdoweneedtotellyou,lyingonlymakesit

worseforyou?”

Ifroze.
Howmanytimes?
Howmanytimeshadhefacedsituationslikethis?

Itriedtocatchhiseye.Toapologize.Buthekepthisglareontheofficerwhopocketedtheeighty

dollars.Themoneythatcould’veboughthimabettermealandaroofforanight.

Anotherpersonarrivedonthescene,hisheavyfootstepsfamiliarevenbeforeheappearedinthe

flashlightglowofthesecurityguards.Ishould’veknownhewouldturnup.Hehadapolicescannerand
hadmostlikelybeenlookingformeeversinceIdidn’tcallforhimtodrivemehome.

Myshouldersrolled,wishingIcouldmeltintotheconcreteanddisappear.
HeflashedhiscredentialsIknewstatedhimasex-marineandintheemployofmyselfandmyfather.

DavidSantos,mydriver,bodyguard,sometimespersonalassistant.

Shit.
Hethrewmeaquickglancethenfocusedhisintenseblackgazeontheleadofficer.Hisbarrelchest,

largearms,andblacksuitthatmatchedhisebonyskinsoakedupthenight.“I’mhereforMs.Charlston.
She’sdonenothingwrong.”

Thepoliceofficerstandingbesidemeargued,“She’sbeencaughttrespassing—”
“Wait.”Theleadagentsteppedforward,shininglightontomybodyguard’sidentification.Hethen

beamedtheflashlightatmyface.“Whatdidyousayhernamewas?”

“Charlston.NoelleCharlston.”Davidgroundhisteeth.“Ringanybells?”
Iwasgratefulhewashere,butIdidn’twanthimtofightthebattlesI’dlost.
“David,it’sfine—”
“Bequiet,Ms.Charlston.Letmehandlethis.”Hestoodtaller,hisglovedhandsclenching.“From

BelleElle?”

Theleadofficerstiffened.“Wait,Joe’sdaughter?”
“Theoneandthesame.”
Theofficerpaused.
Asecondlater,heordered,“Releaseher.”
Instantly,thehandcuffswereunlocked,andIwaspushedforward.Ishottothesideofthemanwho’d

savedme,kissedme,andgivenmethebestbirthdaynightoutIcould’veaskedfor.“Whatabouthim?”

Anofficerlaughed.“Oh,he’scomingwithus.”
“Butyou—youcan’t.Hesavedme.Hedidagoodthing.Don’tpunishhimforjumpingafenceand

enjoyingapark.”

Theofficersmirked.“Oh,we’renotarrestinghimbecauseofthat.”
Icouldn’tlookawayfromNameless’face.Mylipsachedtokisshimagain.Hiseyesroamedoverme,

fullofthesametenderaffectionandalmostawestruckattractionfrombefore.IhadtobenearhimuntilI
figuredoutwhatthismeant.Whatthiswasbetweenus.

Theycan’ttakehimaway.
“Thenwhy?”Idemanded,livingindaydreamsoftakinghimhome,givinghimtheguestroomto

showerandrest,cookinghimblueberrypancakes,andintroducinghimtoDadinthemorning.“Hehasn’t
doneanything.”

Theofficer’slaughedasifallinonajokeIhadn’theard.“He’sdoneplenty.”
“Hehasmultipleoutstandingwarrants.Tonightisourluckynight.”JerkingNamelesstohisside,the

leadofficeradded,“He’sgoingawayforalongtime.”

Namelessmerelyhunghishead,hisjawworkingwithaviolentedge.
“Youcan’tdothat.”
Thecop’sfacedrewwithannoyance.“Ithinkyou’llfindwecan,Ms.Charlston.Now,ifyouknow

what’sgoodforyou,you’llgohomewithyourguardhereandforgetallaboutthisone.”

HeshookNameless.“SaygoodbyebecauseIdoubtyou’llbeseeinghimagain.”
Imovedforward—todowhatIdidn’tknow.Tokisshim,runawaywithhim—somehowfixthis,soit

didn’tendthisway.

Hesmiledsadly.“Dowhathesays,Elle.Gohome.”
“Ican’tgo.Notwithoutyou.”
“Youknowthewaynow.Youdon’tneedaguidetowalkyou.”
Ishookmyhead.“Thatisn’twhatImeant,andyouknowit.”
Hechuckled.“Yousaidityourself.Itwastoocrazytobetrue.”
Iachedtograbhishand,tohughim,butwithsomanypairsofjudgingeyesonus,Ifroze.Thatwould

beoneofmybiggestregretsinlife.ThatIdidn’treachoutwhenheneededmethemost.“Please...tellme
yourname.I’llgetalawyer.We’llfightthesestupidclaims.”

“Allright,time’sup.”Anofficermarchedforward,grabbingNamelessaroundtheelbowand

dragginghimaway.

Tearssprangtomyeyes.Uncertaintyandfearspiraledatthethoughtofneverseeinghimagain.

“Please!What’syourname?”

Namelessstumbledfromanothershove,hisgazeneverleavingmine.Helookedsadandpissedand

lostandresigned.Somanyemotionsallatonce.“Itwasfunwhileitlasted.”

“Tellme!”
Buthemerelygavemeaharshsmile,tryingtomaskthegriefonhisface.“Ireallyenjoyedkissing

you,Elle.”

Andthentheofficerturnedhimawayandmarchedhimintothedarkness.

ChapterTen

THEDRIVEHOMEwasoneofthehardestthingsI’deverlivedthrough.

Daviddidn’tsayaword;hemerelydrovewithironconcentrationandastutesilence.Hedidn’task

questions.Hedidn’taskforareportfromthepolice.HejustescortedmefromtheparkasifI’dcomeout
ofBelleEllelikeanormaleveningafterwork.

Hedidn’tcommentabouthowI’dbeencaughtwithaman.Hedidn’tspeakatallapartfromtotellme

tobecarefulclimbingintothebackseatoftheRangeRoverSport.

PullinguptothebrownstonewhereIlived,hecuttheengineandjumpedout.Amomentlater,he

pulledopenthedoorformeandnoddedinthedarkness.“Haveagoodnight,Ms.Charlston.”

“Thankyou,David.Youtoo.”
Ididn’taskifhe’dkeepthistohimself.Myfatherwouldknow.Iwouldn’tbeabletokeepmynight-

timewanderingsasecret.ButatleastneitherofthemwouldknowaboutthealleyandhowI’dmet
Nameless.

HenoddedagainandhoppedbackintotheRangeRover.
IkeptmychinhigheventhoughmyheartsputteredatthethoughtofwhatwouldhappentoNameless.

Washeinprisonnow?Wouldhegototrial?Whatsortofwarrantsdidtheyhave?

MyquestionswouldhavetowaitbecausethesecondIclimbedthestepsandenteredthehomeIwas

raisedin,myfathergrabbedmeinaboaconstrictorhug.

“Oh,holyhell,Elle.Wherethebellshaveyoubeen?”
Icouldn’tevenribhimforhisweirdexpressionstonight.Isqueezedhimback,drainedandconfused,

lostandsad.“I’mokay,Dad.”

“Youranaway!”Hepulledback,disappointmentandhurtbrightinhiseyes.“Whywouldyoudosuch

athing?Andonyourbirthday,noless.”

Ishruggedoutofhisembrace.“Ididn’trunaway.”Ikickedoffmysneakersandpaddedintotheliving

roomwherehintsofmymotherstillexistedeverywhere.Fromthepristinecreamlinencouchestothe
whitegauzedrapedaroundthewindowbay.Ababygrandpianosatinthecornernexttotheornate
fireplacewhileknickknacksfrommyparents’travelslitteredsidetablesandcoffeetablesinacluttered
butdesignerway.

Mypianolessonsflitteredintomyheadasmyfingersplayedanimaginarychord,givingmesomething

tofocusonwhenallIwantedtodowasburstintotears.

Dadfollowed,throwinghimselfintohisoverstuffedchairthat’dlongsincecompactedandwrinkled

fromhisweight.“Wherewereyou,Elle?Yousayyoudidn’trunaway,butyouwerefoundinCentral
Park.Atonea.m!Doyouknowhowdangerousthatis?”Hiseyescastoverme.“Andwhatthehellare
youwearing?”

Damn,Davidhadalreadytoldhim.
IlookedattheblackbomberIcouldn’tunzip;otherwise,he’dseemytorntopandbruises.Myskinny

jeanssmearedwithdirtandchocolate.Iwassofarremovedfromthedaughterheknew.Thedaughter
wholivedinfashioncatalogsandhadnightmaresofChristmassalestocksbeingtoolow.Ishouldn’tbe
daydreamingaboutamanwhotastedlikecandyorakissbeneaththestarsonabaseballfield.

Hadthatreallyhappened?
Wasitreal?

Isighed,knowingIhadtogrovelbeforeIcouldaskwhatwouldhappentoNameless.“I’msorry,Dad.

I—Iwantedtoseewhattheworldwaslikeforsomeonewhowasn’tanheiress.”

Hesuckedinabreath.“Why?”
“BecauseI’mnineteenandneverexploredthecityonmyown.BecauseI’mrunningabillion-dollar

companyandneverbeentoapartyorgossipedwithgirlsorkissedaboy.”Ilookedup,pleadingwithhim
tounderstand.“Iwantedtobenormal...justforafewhours.”

Hesighed.
Silencefellashereclinedheavilyintohischair.Whateverangerhehadblewitselfout.
Thatwasmydad.
Herarelyexploded,andwhenhedid,itdidn’tlastlong.Guiltsatevenworsebecausenowhisanger

hadgone,hissecond-guessingandregretburrowedthroughme.

Iinchedtotheedgeofthecouch,gettingclosertohim.“Iwascomingback.Themanwhowas

arrestedwaswalkingmehomesafely.”

“Arrested?”Hisheadsnappedup.
“Yes.Ithinkhe’shomelessandprobablyhasafewcrimesofstealingtoeat.Buttonight,hesaved

me.”Iwouldn’tgointothedetailswithmyfather—hedidn’tneedthosementalimagesofmetrappedand
scaredtohaunthim,orworse,usethemagainstmeifIevertriedtoleaveonmyownagain—butIdid
needtofightforthemanwho’dfoughtforme.“Hewasanuttergentleman,Dad.Hewaskindandalittle
roughbutoverallsomeoneworthyofbeinggivenachance.”

Ilinkedmyfingers,squeezingtighttoovercomemynervesandpushahead.ItwasatrickIusedinthe

boardroomwhenfiringadepartmentheadiftheywerefoundembezzlingornotdoingtheirjob.

Icouldnevershowweakness.
Ever.
Tonight,I’dshownweakness,andit’dalmostgottenmerapedandamanlockedup.
“Weneedtohelphim.”
Dadfrowned.“Help?How?”
“Weneedtohirealawyer—gethimgoodrepresentation,soheisn’tincarcerated.”
Hescowled.“Ifhecommittedthecrime,it’sonlyfairhesufferstheconsequences.”
“Doesn’thedeservesomeonetofightonhisside,though?Idon’tknowhisnamebutIdoubthehas

anyone.Hesavedme.TheleastIcandoistrytodothesame.”

“Youweregallivantingaroundthecitywithaman,andyoudidn’tknowhisname?”Hegroaned,

shakinghishead.“Whatwereyouthinking?”Hestoodsuddenly,rubbinghisfaceasifindenial.“Elle,
you’vehadalongnight.I’mgoingtobed,andIsuggestyoudothesame.Sageisinyourroom.Icollected
herfromtheofficewhenIwenttocheckonyouandfoundyouweregone.”

Hisguilttripworked.Islottedmyselfintohiswearyarms.“I’mso,sosorry.Ishould’vetoldyou.”
“Yes,youshouldhave.”Hehuggedme,althoughreluctantly.
ButifIhad,youwouldn’thaveletmego.
Hespokeintomyhair,nodoubtsmellingspicybeefburritosanddangerousalleys.
Iwasgladmylonghaircoveredthebruiseonmytempleandwhateverothercallingcardsthosethugs

hadleftwerehiddenbeneathmyclothes.

“Iknowthisismyfault,keepingyousoshelteredandburiedunderwork,butmyGod,Elle,Inever

expectedyoutogochasingafterthefirstboywhoshowedinterestinyou.Aboywhowasarrested,for
goodness’sake.”

Ismartedwithshame.“It’snotlikethat.Hewasn’tjustanyboy.Hewas—”
WhenIdidn’tcontinue,hesighedsadly.“Hewaswhat?Afriend?Asoul-mate?Ateenagecrush?”He

pinchedhisnose.“Elle,Iwillneverstandinthewayofyoufindinglove.Iwantyoutofindlove.Nota
daygoesbythatIdon’twishyourmotherwasstillalivetoteachyouhowvaluablelovecanbe,butI

won’tpermityoutothrowawayeverythingyouhavewithastupidinfatuationoveracriminalwho
doesn’tdeserveyou.”

“Dad...don’t—”
Hiseyesdroppedtomythroat.Painarrowedthroughhim,followedbyrage.“Whereisyour

necklace?”

Ijolted.
“Tellme,Elle.ThesapphirestarIboughtyou.TheoneIspenthoursdeliberatingover.TheoneI

boughtbecausethebluematchedyoureyesandthestarsymbolizedhowmuchyoumeantome?”Hisfists
shook.“Whereisit?”

Ilookedatthebeigecarpet.“Ilostit.”
Thelieturnedtopasteonmytongue,butitwasbetterthanthetruth.Betterforhimtoblamemethanto

thinkofhisgiftinthepossessionofheartlessthieveswhomeantmeharm.

“ForGod’ssake,Noelle.”Heshookhishead,tirednessetchinghiseyes.“Notonlywereyou

irresponsiblewithyourselfbutwithyourgift,too.Ifyouplannedonusingtonightasademonstrationthat
youwerecapableofspendingsometimealoneawayfromthecompany,consideritafailure.”Hisvoice
deepenedwithauthority.“UntilyoucanproveyouarestilltheconsideratedaughterIraised,Idon’twant
youleavingthishousewithoutDavid,doyouhearme?”

Mytearsturnedtoanger.Heatsmokedthroughmetoargueback.TotellhimjusthowsuffocatedIfelt,

howlonely,howlost.ButI’dalreadyhurthimtonight,andnow,he’dhurtme.

Wewereeven.
Ismiledtight,hidingeverything.Webothhadmoretosaybutwouldn’tverbalize.Hewas

disappointedinme.Iwasfrustratedbyhim.

Itwasbesttogotobedbeforeweutteredthingswecouldn’ttakeback.
“Goodnight,Dad.”Imovedaroundhimandleftthelivingroom.“I’msorryaboutthenecklace.”
AsIclimbedthesweepingstaircasetomyroomonthethirdfloor,mymindreturnedtothemanwho

tastedlikechocolateandhadhandsthatcouldtouchsosweetlybutalsocausesuchviolence.

Iwouldneverforgethim.
Andtomorrow,IwoulddowhatIcouldtohelphim.
Becausehe’dhelpedme,andinsomecrazyway,he’dclaimedmyyoung,naïveheart.
Iwouldgethimfree.
Nomatterhowimpossiblethattaskwouldbe.

ChapterEleven

THREEYEARSLATER

“DON’TFORGET,YOUhavethatdinnermeetingwithyourfather,Mr.Robson,andhissontonightatthe
WeepingWillow.”Fleursmiled,hoistinganotherarmfulofcontractsandfinancialportfolios.

Iremovedmyreadingglassesandtookthefoldersfromher.TheheavythudasIplacedthemonmy

deskricochetedthroughme.“Yes,Iremember.”

AndIwantnothingtodowithit.
Forthepastyear,myfatherhadusedeverybusinessmeetingwithhisright-handman,SteveRobson,

totrytosetmeupwithhisson.HethoughtIcouldn’tseethroughhistricks,butthewayhekeptfinding
excusesforustobearoundeachotherwasn’tsubtle.

“Anythingelse,Ms.Charlston?”
“No,thankyou.Pleasedon’tputanycallsthrough.Ihavetoomuchworktofinish.”
“Ofcourse.”Turninginherprettypurpledress,Fleurleftmyoffice.Herwardrobewassmartbut

flirty,remindingmethatoutsidethethickglasswindowsexistedsunandheatandsummer.

Ihadn’tbeenawayfromanair-conditionedbuildingformorethanafewminutesatatimeformonths.

IfIwasn’tbeingdrivenfromofficetooffice,Iwasinstorewarehousesorshop-frontsordoingmybestto
catchuponsleep,thatforsomereason,hadbecomeelusiveforthepastthreeyears.

Eversincemyonenightoffreedom,sleephadevadedme.Dreamsnevercame.Nightmaresvisited

often.ThedamnguiltbecauseIwasn’tabletohelphimerodedmedaybyday.

Yousaidyouwouldn’tthinkabouthimanymore.
Isaidthateverymorning.
Andbyeverylunchtime,Ifailed.
ThebestI’dbeenabletodowasrealizehowstupidlyidealisticI’dbeen.Mydad,blesshisheart,had

helpedshowmethatitwasn’tNamelesswhoIthoughtI’dfalleninlovewiththatnightbuttheideaof
love.

Noonecouldfallforastrangerinafewhours.Especiallyagirlwho’dbeenattackedandmolested

andthencorralledintobreakingandenteringanationaltreasure.Mynervesandadrenalinewould’ve
heightenedeveryexperience,makingitsomuchmorethanwhatitwas.

I’dreadintothings.I’dimaginedtheheatbehindthekissesandpaintedaperfectromance,when

really,allthere’dbeenwasadirtyboyandabaseballfield.

That’sall.
IrecognizedmyselfforwhatIwas.
Iwasyoung,fanciful,andDadwasentirelyrightthatworktookprecedentoverasillyinfatuation.
Hewasnothingtome.
Justamanfrommypastwhotookmyfirstkiss.
Gotit,stupidheart?
Isankheavilyintomychair.MyelbowsstabbedintothedeskasIrestedmyheadinmyhands.Even

now,withallmypeptalksandconclusions,Istillfeltguiltyfornotdoingmore.

That’swhyIthinkabouthim.
NotbecauseIstillbelievedweweremeanttobe,orthecrazinessbetweenuswasserendipitous,but

becauseI’dfailedandlefthimaloneinaprisonthatnodoubttookwhatevergoodwasleftinhimandspat

himoutcold,cynical,andcruel.

Ihadn’tliveduptomyoath.
Alifeforalife.
He’dsavedme.
AndIhaven’tsavedhim.
Formonths,I’dtriedtotrackhimdown.I’dcalledthepolicestations,thecountyjails,evenafew

lawyerswhoworkedprobonotoseeifthey’dbeengivenhiscase.

Butnothing.
Ihadnonameandonlyavaguedescription—hamperedbyhisbeard,thenight,andhishoodie.
Thepictureinmymindwasofmysteryandinfatuationratherthanacrystalimagehelpfulforsketch

artistsorexplanations.

Itwasasifheneverexisted.
ButIknewhedidbecauseIstillthoughtaboutthesapphirestarnecklace,andeverytimeIsnucka

pieceofchocolate,Namelessexplodedintomymind.Ishouldgetoverit.Itwasonenight.Anineteen-
year-old’sstupidcrush.

Iwasmorematurenow.
Overworkedandcompletelywrungout.Sagewasgettingolder,butshestillcamewithmetothe

officeeveryday,stillpurredonmylapwhensumsandfiguresmademyheadspin,andstillcuddledwith
meinbedwhenlonelinessforalifeI’dneverhaveovertookme.

Twoyearsago,whenmyfatherhadhadaheartattack,Igaveupmyadolescentimmaturityandno

longerresentedmyrole.Thedoctorssaidhewouldgetbetter,butheshouldstepdownfrombeingthe
boss.

TheLastWillandTestamentI’dsignedcameintofulleffect,andheplacedmeasthesolecontroller

withthemajorityshareofourstocksandthefinalsayonalldecisions.

TosayIwasscarytomenofmyownagewhenIwasjustanheiresswasonething,buttodatenowI

wasaconglomeratecommanderwasutterlyimpossible.

Dadbelievedinlove.
Ididn’t.
NotbecauseIdidn’twantitbutbecausemylife’sworkhadstolenthatpossibilityfromme.Ihadto

acceptthatIhadnotimeforromance,nopatiencefordating,andnoprospectsatpartnershipotherthan
businessexpansion.

Iwassoluckycomparedtomost.
Loveisasmallpricetopay.
Ilivedandbreathedformycompany,andontherareeveningsIhadoff,Dadwasdeterminedtoplay

matchmakerwithmeandGreg—Steve’sson.

Itdidn’tmatterthatIhadnointerestinGreg.
Ididn’tcarehewasonlythreeyearsolderthanIwasandheldabachelor’sinbusinessfromYale.He

wasdryandhumorlessandtheexactoppositeofSteve,who’dbeeninmylifefromthestartwithhis
quirkynicknamesandjokeswhenIstartedrunningBelleElle.

Hewasmyuncleineverywayapartfromblood.
GregwastheunwantedcousinwhoIwishedwasrelatedtomesoIhadalegitimatereasonfor

denyinghisadvances.

Sagenudgedmyankles,meowingsoftlybeneaththedeskwhereshehungoutinherbasketfullof

blanketsandstuffedmice.

“Yeah,yeah.Iknowhe’sonlylookingoutforme.”
DadwantedmetomarryandfindapartnertohelprunBelleEllewith.He’dmetMomwhenhewas

twenty,andit’dbeenloveatfirstsight.Hecouldn’tunderstandwhyIwasstillsovery,verysingleat

twenty-two.

Itobviouslydidn’tcrosshismindthatIwasapowerfulwomaninastillsexistworldwheremen—

eveniftheydidn’tcomeoutandadmitit—wereemasculatedbyawomanwithabiggersalarythanthem.

MythoughtsremainedtangledasIdiligentlyworkedthroughthereportsonourHongKongdivision

beforeFleurknockedonmyofficedoor,wrenchingthroughmyconcentration.

“It’ssixp.m.Youneedtoleaveinthirtyminutes.”
“Wow,really?Ithoughtitwastwop.m.onlyfiveminutesago.”
Shegiggled,herlongbrownbraidjigglingoverhershoulder.“Likeyoualwaysdowhenyougetinthe

zone—youlosttime.”Shewaltzedinwithadry-cleanersbagcoveringablackdress.

Placingitonthearmofmyrolledleathercouch,shesaid,“Idon’tknowwhyyoudon’tletmebring

yousomethingmorefunandvibrantfromtheshopfloor.Ihaveasneakingsuspicionyou’dlookgreatin
green.”Sheheldupherhandstomakeaframearoundmyface.“Arichemerald.Orperhapsadeep
sapphirelikethatstaryoukeepsketchingwhenyou’reonthephonewithsuppliers.”

Iwavedheraway.“Blackisfine.”
“Blackisallyoueverwear.”
“Blackisbusinessandno-nonsense.”
“Butlifeisn’t.”Shesmiledsadly.“Lifeisfunandchaos.”Backingtowardtheexit,sheadded,“You

shouldrememberthatsometime....”SheleftbeforeIcouldfireher—notthatIeverwouldbecause
withoutherandSage,IwouldhavenooneIcouldactuallytalktowhowasn’tmyfather.

Iglaredattheblackdress.
Iwouldn’tlieandsaywearinganothercolorwouldn’tbefun,butIdidn’thavetimeforfunor

shoppingorfashion.Ididtheworksootherpeoplecoulddothosethingswhileleavingtheirmoneyinour
cashregisters.

Sighing,Irubbedthebackofmyneck,savedmyprogress,andclosedmylaptop.
Sageslunkaroundmyankles,knowingtheroutineandthatworkwasoverfortheday.“We’renot

goinghome,I’mafraid.”

Herlittlefacepouted,herwhiskersdroopingfromhertinynose.Pickingthesilvercatfromthefloor,

IplacedheronmydeskasIstoodtoprepareforthisshamofadate.

Ikissedhersofthead.“Don’tlookatmelikethat.Atleastyougettosnoozeinthecar.Iactuallyhave

totalktothejerk.”

Shestuckhertongueout,coughingwithahairball.
“Yes,exactly.Ifeellikevomiting,too.”Headingtothecouchtocollectthedreadeddress,I

murmured,“Thesoonerthisdinnerisover,thesoonerIcangohomeandforget.”

Andtrytodream.
Ofbeingnineteenagainandkissingamanwithnoname.

ChapterTwelve

THERESTAURANTWASpackedasusual.

Fridaynightwasthenighteveryhigh-poweredsuitlikedtobeseenattheWeepingWillow.Theeatery

hadopenedfouryearsago,andinthattime,ithadcreatedanameoffinedining,utmostdecadence,anda
ginbarwithmoreselectionsthananyotherinNewYork.Theypridedthemselvesonexpensive,exclusive
liquors.Andevenhadabottleofginvaluedattenthousanddollarsashot.

Ridiculous.
“Ah,thereyouare!”DadstoodasIapproachedthereservedtableattheback.Theboothglitteredin

deepturquoisewhileachandelierrepresentingthebranchesofawillowtreeweptoverthecirculartable.

“Hi,Dad.”Ikissedhischeek,happytoseehehadcoloronhisfaceandatwinkleinhiseye.Even

thoughthedoctorshadtoldhimhehadtotakeiteasy,hedidn’t.Hestillpulledlonghoursinhisoffice
acrossthehallfrommine.Andhestressedhimselfoutbyoverthinkingmyfutureandlackoffamilyifhe
suddenlydied.

Hewasalotofthingsmyfatherbutthreewordstodescribehimwasacuddlyteddybear.Hehada

habitofignoringpracticalitiesinorderforhappinesstorule.

“Youlooklovely.”Hegrabbedmyhand,forcingmetospin.
Theblackdresswhirledaroundmykneecapswhilethespaghettistrapsclungfordearlifetomy

shoulders.Thebodicehuggednicely,butoverall,itwasasimplestyleinasimplecolor.

ItwasoneofBelleElle’sbiggestsellers—notbecauseofhowwellitwasmadebutbecauseitwas

theperfectbackdroptoshowoffaccessories.Gauzyscarfslookedgreatwiththespaghettistraps,
necklacesearnedprimerealestate,andevenbigearringspolishedittorunwayclassratherthanhigh
streetclone.

Tonight,theonlyaccessorizingI’dattemptedwasadarkblueshawlandalickofeyeshadowwith

thickermascara.Myblondehairhungdowntomytailbone.Allmyenergywasspentonthecompany,not
onmyself,andIdidn’tparticularlycareifitshowed.

IswallowedagroanasGregstoodupandkissedbothmycheeks.Hishandlandedonmyelbow,

slightlyclammyandannoyinglyclingy.“Youlookgorgeous,Noelle.”

Ihatewhenhecallsmethat.
Ihadn’tbeenNoellefordecades.
IwasElleofBelleElle.
Thequeenofretail.
Iforcedasmile.“Thankyou.Youdon’tlookbadyourself.”Inoddedinapprovalathisblackslacks

andonesizetoobigforhimdinnerjacket.Thelapelswereembossedwithvelvet.Onanyotherman,it
wouldprobablylookdistinguishedandsexy.Butonhim...killmenow.

Notthathewasugly—farfromit.Greghadgreatdarkblondhair,chiseledfeatures,andatrim

physique.Whatlurkedbeneathhislookswaswhatturnedmeoff.Therewasno...connection.Nospitfire
orchocolatesmoke.Andsometimes,justsometimes,Isensedadarknessinhimthathadnothingtodo
withmeconstantlyturningdownhisrequestsforadate.

Hehadacoldnessthatmademewaryeventobealonewithhiminpublic.
Mostofthetime,Ichalkedupmyoverimaginationtotheslighttraumafrombeingdraggedintothe

alleyallthoseyearsago.

Ihadtostopreadingintothingsandimaginingtheworst.
IlookedaroundGregtohisfather,Steve.“Hiya.”
Stevedidn’tbotherunwindingfromtheboothbutblewmeanairkiss.Hishairhadturnedwhiteover

theyears,buthissenseofhumorneverdriedup.“YoulookasprettyasthatBarbiedollyouusedtolove
beforeSagecamealong.”

Irolledmyeyes.“DidyoujustcallmeaBarbie?Inpublic?”
Heshrugged.“Hey,it’snotderogatory.Justsayingyouhaveatinywaist,niceboobs,andblonde

hair.”Heranahandoverhiscasualgrayblazer.“Lookatme,I’mtheperfectKen—oratleast,Iwasa
fewyearsago.”

Ilaughed,forcingmyselftorelaxeventhoughGregstillhadn’tletgoofmyarm.
Myfathersavedmebytuggingmetohissideandpushingmeintothebooth.Iwentwillingly,trapped

betweenSteveandDad,facingGregacrossthetable.

Somethingrubbedmyankle.
MyeyesshottoGreg’sgreenones.Turnedout,Iwasn’tfarenoughawaytopreventhimplaying

footsies.IkeptthesamesmileIusedonassholesintheboardroomplasteredtomyface,eventhoughI
wantedtostabhisfacewiththesteakknife.

“So,Elle,youworkinghardtomorrow?”Greggrinnedconspicuouslyashisfootstompedonmytoes.

“Wanttogoseeamovieorsomething?”

Thewaiterbroughtourdrinks—thejoyofbeingknownandregularsatthisplace.Theserverplaced

neatwhiskeyinfrontofmyfatherandSteve,aginandtonicforGreg,andavirgindaiquiriforme.

JustasI’dneverbeenfreesincethenightImetNameless,I’dneverbeendrunk.Notthatliquordidn’t

appealtomebutthefactthateachdayIstartedworkbeforethesunrolledoutofitssoftcloudybed,Ihad
notimeforahangover.

Oneday,afewpiecesofthelaceskeepingmestraightandnarrowwouldsnap,andthenI’dderailand

causeuntoldpaintomyfatherbybeingstupidlyirresponsible.Iwoulddrinktoexcess,sleepwitha
stranger,andcallinsickforasolidweek.

Butthatdaywasnottoday.
“Iworkhardallthetime,Greg.”Ibattedmyeyelashessweetly.“I’mafraidIneverhavetimetodo

thingslikegotothemovies.”

“Whataboutawalk?”
“Thattoo.”
“CarriageridethroughCentralPark?”
Mysmilefaltered,rememberingthearrestandsubsequentdisappearanceofthemaninCentralPark.

“Definitelytoobusyforthat.”

Dadcoughed.“Now,Elle.You’remakingitsoundlikeI’maslavedriver.”
Ilaughedsoftly.“Notyou,Dad.Thecompany.”
Hisfacefell,tryingtoreadmyreluctance.Iwouldn’ttellhimthatmostofthetime,Iusedworkasmy

alibitoavoiddatesbecausetheonlymanwhoaskedmeoutwasGreg,andthatwasonlybecausehe
thoughtheknewmebecauseourfatherswereoldfriends.

Nottomention,ifhemarriedme,hewouldgettheempirethathe’dbeenraisedwiththankstoSteve’s

involvement.Icouldn’tbegrudgehisdesiretocontrolsomethingthathadbeensuchabigpartofhislife.

ButIcouldpreventitfromhappening.
Stevelaughed,toastingmewithhiswhiskey.“Here’stoaworkaholicwhohappenstobesodamn

goodatherjob.”

Ididn’tknowifIwantedtotoasttothat,butIdid,clinkingmyglasswithhis.
Thewaiterappearedtotakeourmealorderasthemenuchangedweekly.BeforeIcouldglanceatthe

newspecials,myfatherslidfromtheboothandmumbledhe’dberightback.Anitchstartedrightinmy

heart.Irubbedmychestasloveforthegray-hairedmaninhisimmaculatethree-piecesuitwashedover
me.

Whereishegoing?
IknewI’dhurthimwithrefusingGreg’sadvances,butIdidn’tmeantoribhimwithhowmuchI

worked.

Thatwasn’tfair.
Greginterruptedmymelancholybyorderingloudly.“I’llhavethevenison.Rare.”
Stevepursedhislipsbeforesaying,“Makethattwo.”Heplacedtheheavyflockedmenuontothe

table,eyeingmeexpectantly.“You,Elle?Iknowyourfatherwillhavethechickenorfish—onaccountof
hisheart—butyou?”

Iquicklyscannedthelist.Ihadnoappetite,andmythoughtswereacrosstheroomintheprivategin

bartothesidewheremyfatherhadvanished.“I’llhave...um,thesalmon,please.”

“Noproblem.”Thewaitertookourorder,tuckedhiselectronicdevicethat’dmostlikelyalreadysent

ourordertothekitchenintohisvestpocket,andcollectedourmenus.Themomentheleft,awkwardness
fellonthetable.

SteveglancedatmethenGreg.“So,youtwo,what’snewintheworldoftwentysomething’s?”
Ismiledforhissake,notGreg’s.“Well,youknowmyworld.Youseemeeverydayattheoffice.”
“Andyouknowminebecauseyouseemeeverydayathome.”Gregrolledhiseyes.
Hewastwenty-fiveandstilllivedathome.
Here,Icouldbesmugandlookdownmynose.Afewmonthsago,I’dmovedoutofthebrownstone

andintomyowntop-floorapartmentonlytwobuildingsawayfromBelleElleheadquarters.

I’dcheatedandboughtitfullyfurnished,sosomeofthefurniturewasn’ttomytaste,butIdidn’thave

timetointeriordesignorvisitthestoresorevenbrowseourownshopfordecorations.Ithadtakenallmy
couragetomoveout,especiallyafterDad’sheartattack,butIcouldn’tbethereanymore.

Dadhadunderstood.
He’dsupportedmeandhelpedmepackandmovethemeagerpossessionsinmybedroomandafew

knickknacksfromthelivingroom.

Forthefirstweek,Sagehadcaterwauledattheview,tellingmeoffforremovingherfromthe

brownstonewhereshecouldsneakintothegardenlateatnightanddowhateveritwasthatcatsdo.Inthe
newplace,shewasglassandconcretebound,lookingatthecloudsratherthanrodents.

“Howareyouenjoyingyourownplace,Elle?”Stevefollowedmytrainofthought,surprisingme.
Ishrugged,smoothingoutmynapkinovermylap.“It’sgood.Thebuildinghasgreatserviceswitha

gymandpool.Itevenhasmovienightsandneighborpartiesonceamonth.”

NotthatI’vebeentoanyofthem.
“That’sfantastic.”Stevegrinned.“PerhapsGregcouldcomeoveroneday,andyoucanshowhim

howeasyitistoliveonyourown.Gethimoutfromundermyfeet.”

“Yeah,goodone,oldman.”Gregsnickered,sippinghisginandtonic.
Ishuddered,doingmybesttohidethehorroratthethoughtofhavingGreginmyapartment.Withme.

Alone.OfkissingGreg.Oflettinghimremovemydressandtouchme.Oflettinghimseemenakedand
stickinghis—

Allright,stoprightthere.
InolongerlivedathomeandwasoneofthefewwomenontheForbes’richestlist.I’dachievedso

much,butinreality...inthethreeyearssincemyfirstkiss,nothinghadchanged.

Ihadn’tbeenkissedsince—unlessafriendlypeckonthecheekfromdotingfatherfigurescounted.I

hadn’tbeennakedaroundanyone,maleorfemale.Istillheldthecurseofnothavingenoughtimetolose
myvirginity.

Mostdays,IhadnolibidobecauseIworkedsuchlonghours.Butsomenights,Irememberedhowit

felttobetouchedandhaveaman’stongueinmymouthandhowIphysicallyachedforsomethingIhadn’t
understoodthatnightonabaseballfield.

AndIdeliveredareleaseI’dbecomeratherexpertat.
“Yes,Elle.Icouldcomeover...saynextweek?”Gregrubbedhisshoeagainstmyleg,snaggingmy

pantyhoseandnodoubtcausingaladder.“Icouldbringabottleofwine.Wecouldfinallygettoknow
eachother.”

Stevescowledattheheavyreferencetosexbutdidn’tinterfere.Afterall,weweren’tchildren

anymore.Yes,wehadtwomeddlingoldmentryingtoinfluenceourlovelives,butIwouldn’tgiveinto
this.

Notaftereverythingelse.
Talkingofmymeddlingoldman.
Whereishe?
Thewaiterarrivedwithfourplatesofdelicioussmellingfood,allartisticallyarrangedonturquoise

plateswithsilverpiping.

Inchingfromthebooth,IignoredGreg’squestionandsmiledatSteve.“Excuseme.I’dbettergotell

myfatherhisdinnerisonthetable.”

“Yes,goodidea,Elle.”Stevenodded,alreadypickinguphisknifeandforktodigin.
Gregnarrowedhiseyes,givingmeatightgrin.“Fine.I’mnotgoinganywhere.”
Fightingmyshudder,Islitheredfromthebooth.Myheelstap-tappedovergray-veinedmarbleasIleft

thebusyrestaurantandenteredthecozyginbar.Teakwoodhunginnoiseabsorbingpanelsfromtheblack
ceiling.Stoolswithpolishedchromeandpaddedleatherlinedupneatlybythelongbarwhileclustersof
comfychairsencouragedsecretstobesharedandpactstobemadeinthedark.

Thewhiffofalcoholandcigarsmokelingeredoneveryair-eddy.IhadnoideahowtheWeeping

Willowgotaroundthenon-smokingrule,butsmallplumesofsilverescapedmen’slipsasImademyway
tothebar.

Speciallypositionedspotlightsspearedthroughthebottlesonoffer.Alltwenty-twohundredofthem

—accordingtotheownerwhobraggedwhenhe’dfirstopenedtheplace.Alcoholglitteredlikefireflies,
temptingadrinkertokeeptestinguntiltheyfoundtheirsoul-mateinliquor.

IexpectedtofindDadnursinganotherglassofwhiskey,staringbroodinglyintotheamberliquidashe

sometimesdidwhenIactedoutorhecouldn’tshedthememoryofMom.

Thatwasn’tthecasetonight.
Islammedtoastop.
He’slaughingwithacompletestranger.
Dadsatonabarstoolwithhisfeettuckedonthechromefoot-rest,aglassofwhiskey(likeI

predicted)restinginhishandsbutforgotten.Hisfacewasalive,eyesunguardedandcrinkledinmirth.I
hadn’tseenhimsoanimatedinyears.

Itwarmedmeandworriedmeinequalmeasure.
Ilookedatthemanhewaswith.Theguyhadhisbacktome,butthecutofhissuitwasimpeccable;

hisbodytonedandslim,hishairdarkandthickwithlighterhighlightsthatcould’vebeengracedbya
hairdresserornatural.

FromwhereIstood,acoupleshieldedmelikealivingwall,butIwascloseenoughtohearmyfather

say,“Well,thatsoundsfantastic.Youreallyshouldmeether.”

Fantastic?Whatwasfantastic?
Isuckedinabreathasthestrangerlaughed.“Itwouldbeanhonortomeether.I’msureshe’sas

wonderfulasyoudescribe.”

Aretheytalkingaboutme?

Thecouplehidingmemoved,leavingmeexposed.Ishouldwalkforwardandintroducemyself.I

shouldstopeavesdroppingandactprofessionally.Butsomethingaboutthewaymyfatherandthisstranger
spokesentmyhacklesbristling.

Stayingbehindmillingpeoplewithanarrayofalcoholgrippedintightfingers,Islowlyinchedcloser

tothetwomen,strainingwitheverysteptohear.

“Mydaughterisveryaccomplished.”Dad’stonebillowedwithpride.“Butyousoundrather

successfulyourself,sothatshouldn’tbeaproblem.”

“Problem?”Themantookasipofhisdrink.“Iassureyou,I’veneverhadaproblemwithwomen

before.”

Oh,thearrogancedrippingfromhim.
Dadchuckled.“Iwasn’tsayingshe’dbeaproblem.Morelikeyoushouldn’tfindherpoweroff-

puttingifyouhavesuccessofyourown.”

Oh,myGod,whatishetalkingabout?
Wherehadmyfathergone?Whenhadheturnedintothishearts-and-flowersromantic,tryingtomatch

meofftoanymanwhopassedhisscrewed-upinterview?

He’salwaysbeenlikethat.
Ihatedthatthatwastrue.
Thestrangernodded.“Icanunderstandhowawomanwithahighcorporatejobandwealthcanbe

terrifyingtomost.”Heleanedforward.“However,Icanassureyou,thatwon’tbethecasewithme.”

Hespokeasifmyfatherhadhandedmeovertobebeddedandwedded.
MyteethgroundtogetherasDadsaid,“Imustadmit,Ihaven’theardofyoubefore.Areyounewto

NewYork?”

Themanswirledtheliquidinhisglass.“Yes.Arrivedafewmonthsago.Unfortunately,mybenefactor

wasnotwell,andweneededtreatmentthatwasonlyavailablehereasatrial.”

“Oh,I’msorry.”
Myhandsballedasmyfathergavethistotalstrangersuchsympathy.“Andyou’resinglethen?You’re

planningonstayingintown?”

Holycrap,theembarrassmentleveljusteruptedintovolcanicproportions.
“Iam.Customarily,Idon’tdate.Butnowmybenefactorisonthemend,Icanindulgeinplayingthe

field.”

Indulge?Playthefield?Myhandscurledwithindignation.Whowasthisman?
“Mydaughterisn’taconquest,Mr.Everett.IfIdointroduceyou,youmustgivemeyourwordyou

won’tuseher.”

Thishadgoneonlongenough.Ihadtodosomething.Namely,throwmydrinkintoMr.Everett’sface.
“Believeme.Ihavenodoubtonelookatyourdaughter,andI’llbequitehappytobemonogamous

untilshegetstoknowme.”Themanraisedhisglassagain,givingmeasideprofileglimpseofelegant
cheekbonesandhandsomejaw.

Istiffened.HespokeasifIwasasurething.Thathecouldmakemefallforhimjustbybeingalive.
Iwantedtokillhim.
ButthenIwantedtokillmyfathermoreashesmiled.“I’msureyou’lllikeElle.She’sbeautifuland

insanelyintelligent.”

Mr.Everettchuckled.“I’mfairlysureIcanmakeyourdaughterlikemeinreturn.Ihaveaknack,you

see.”

“Aknack?”Myfather’sfacetightened,notingthecockyconfidenceofthismanhewastryingtomarry

hisdaughterto.“Whatsortofknack?”

“Aknackforwomenwhocan’tstandtheoppositesex.Awayofconvincingthemtogiveupcontrol

andrelaxforonce.”

Holyshit.
Irarelysworebutholyshit,shit,shit.
Thisguy...therewerenowordsforhisarrogance.
Dadglancedathisuntouchedwhiskey.“IadmitElledoesn’tseemtoliketheprospectsIputinfrontof

her.”Hisfacefell.“Ionlywanthertobehappy.Tohavesomeonetoshouldertheburdenofhercompany
with.Tolaughoccasionallywith.”Hisvoicesoftenedwithsadness.“Shehasn’tlaughedinsolong.I’m
worriedabouther.”

IfIweren’tsoangry,Iwould’vesuffocatedunderafreshwaveofguilt.Imovedforwardastep,

breakingmycover,swirlingwithmixedemotions.

However,Mr.EverettensuredI’dneverfeelguiltagainashesaid,“Introducemetoyourdaughter,

Mr.Charlston,andIpromiseyouI’llmakeher—”

“Makemedowhat?”Istompedinmyheels,crossingmyarms.Myheartwhirledwildwhilemy

breathingthreatenedtoshowhowannoyedandhurtIwas.

Igloweredatbothmen.
Myfathershrunk,knowinghe’dscrewedup.Butthestrangermerelypinnedmewithpiercingeyesand

sentachilldownmyspine.

Helookedarcticandunreadable.
Hesmelledexpensiveandimpenetrable.
Hesoundedpowerfulanduntouchable.
Myworstnightmarewrappedinperfection.
Tearingmygazeaway,Ihuggedmyangerandspat,“Yousithereplanningmyfuturelikeyouhave

controloverme.What?Youthinkyoucanmakemefallinlovewithyou?Getonmykneesforyou?Do
whateveryoutellmeto,ohmaster?”Isnorted.“Theflat-outdisgustingnerveofyou!”

Mr.Everettrubbedhisbottomlipwhereadropletofliquorglistened.“Ifyougivemetime,I’llprove

toyouIcanmakeyoudoallthosethings...andmore.”

Isplutteredinoutrightshock.“Excuseme?”
Myfatherstoodup,puttinghimselfbetweenmeanddamnMr.Everett.“Idon’tthinkthat’squite

appropriateconversationforthefirstintroduction,sir.”

“Seriously?”Ieyedmyfatherasifhewasastranger,too.“Whenisthatsortoftalkeverappropriate?

Whenhe’sgotmecuffedtoadamnbedandmakingmecookhimdinner?God,Dad.”Ithrewupmyhands,
myskinflushingwithindignationbeneathmyblackdress.“Wow.Justwow.Bothofyou.”

Backingaway,IheldupmyfingerwhenDadtriedtoreasonwithme.“Nope,notgoingtohearit.”I

spunonmyheelthenlookedovermyshoulder,doingmybesttoignoreMr.Everettandthewayhisgaze
slippedoverme,lingeringonmybreastsbeforelatchingontomymouth.“Oh,and,Dad,onceyou’ve
finishedtryingtobetheworld’sworstmatchmaker,yourdinnerisonthetable.”

Istormedoff,unabletomaketheblazingexitIwantedasacrowdofpeopleinterruptedmyflow,

teeteringslowlywiththeirarmsfullofdrinks,chattingaboutthingsIcouldn’tcarelessabout.

Iwantedoutofthere.
Somethingwarmandfirmtappedmeontheshoulder,somehowfindingbarefleshbeneaththescarf

wrappedaroundme.“Beforeyouleave...”

MyheartrelocatedintomymouthasIwhirledaround,comingfacetofacewithMr.Everett.
Upclosehewasevenmorestunning.
Damnhim.
Cursehim.
Hisdarkeyeswerecalculatingandintelligent,hislipsperfectlyformedwiththebaresthintoffive

o’clockshadowoverhisjawanddownhisthroat.HisAdam’sapplebobbedasheswallowedwhilethe

columnsofmuscleflowingfromhisnecktohischest,justvisiblebeneathanopen-neckedsilkgrayshirt,
upsetmeinwaysIdidn’tunderstand.

Hewaspure,one-hundredpercentmale,andhewatchedmeasifIwasawomanwho’dalready

sacrificedherselfonhisegotemple,andhewasabouttodineonhersoul.

Icrossedmyarmstoholdmyinsidestogether,tryingtopreventtheleapinggazellemyhearthad

morphedintofromsplatteringathisfeet.“What?Whatdoyouwant?”

Hiseyesdarkenedtomolasses.“Iwant—”
Dadsidledover,cautionandworryetchinghiswrinkledkindface.“Now,Elle.Letmeintroduceyou

twoproperly.”

“IthinkMr.EveretthasdonealltheintroducingIneedtohear.”Itiltedmyhead.“Isn’tthatright?”
Mr.Everettsmiledeversoslightly,lookingmoresinnerthangentleman.“I’veonlyjuststarted,Ms.

Charlston.”

Dadraisedhisarm,wavingitalittleinsurrenderasmyheelsgroundintothemarble,preparingtogo

towar.“Now,now.”Comingtomyside,hepattedmyforearm.“Iapologizefortalkingaboutyou.But
you’vegotthewrongidea.Thisis—”

“Mr.Everett.Iknow.”Iglowered.“Ijustlearned,thankstoyou,howhethinkshecanturnmeintoa

simperingidiotallbecausehe’sdeemedmeinterestingenoughtomeet.”IleanedtowardMr.Everett,not
caringIgavehimashotdownmycleavageorthewayhesniffedatmyorchidperfume.“Foryour
information,asshole,Idon’tlikemenbecauseofthisexactreason.You’reeitheramamma’sboyorthink
youruletheworld.”Ipointedafingerinhisface.“You’llneverruleme,soyoumightaswellstop
whateverlittlegameyou’replayingwithmyfatherandfuckoff.”

“Elle!”Myfathergasped.“Whatthehell,BellButton?”
AndheusedBellButton.
Ofcourse,hedid.
Mylifewasofficiallyover.Notonlyhadhetriedtosetmeupwiththissexualdeviantinthemiddle

ofacigar-cloudedginbar,butnow,hegaveawaychildhoodnicknamesasiftheymeantnothing.

“Nice,Dad.Realnice,”Imutteredundermybreath.
Mr.Everettnoticed,asmugsmirktwistinghislips.OnelookintohiseyesandIknewhe’dstored

awaymyembarrassingtitleforammunitioninthefuture.

Buttherewillbenofuture.
Becauseintenseconds,Iwantedtobegoneandneverseehimagain.
“I’msuddenlynothungry.”Inarrowedmyeyesatmyfather.“PleasegivemyapologiestoSteveand

Greg.”

“SteveandGreg?”Mr.Everettrepeated.
Isneered.“TwomoremenIrefusetohaveanythingtodowithsodon’tthinkyourselfspecial.”
Dadclutchedmyelbow.“Now,Elle,don’tbehasty.Youknowhowmuchyoulovethefoodhere.”
“Loved.Pasttense.”Igaveabrittlesmile.“Thisplacedoesn’tholdtheallureitoncedid,thanksto

recentevents.”IlookedMr.Everettupanddownicily,hopinghe’dgetfrostbite.

Mr.Everettchuckledunderhisbreath.“Areyoualwaysthisdramaticorisitaproductofbeinggiven

everythingyou’veeverwantedsinceyouwereborn?”

Thebarvanished.
Theworldquietened.
Myheartstopped.
“Whatdidyoujustsay?”Ileanedforward,swayingsocloseIhadtotakeasteptowardhim,soI

didn’ttumbleagainsthischest.

Myfatherknewhowinconsideratethatsentencehadbeen.Hemovedfromceasefiretofull-onbattle

negotiations.“Elle,beforeyoustart.”Hegulped.“I’msureMr.Everettdidn’tmeanitlikethat.”

“Oh,Idid.”Mr.Everettcrossedhisarms,somehowholdinghisglassofclearliquorupright,showing

justhowclosewestoodtoeachotherwhenthesleeveofhisshirtbrushedthesilkofmyblackdress.

Anyhigherandhewould’vetouchedmybreasts.
Cockybastard.
“Imeantitexactlythewayitsounded.”
Redpaintedmyvision.Theendlesslylongdays.Thepressure.Thelostchildhoodandservitude.I

couldn’tlethimgetawaywithsucharemark.Icouldn’tstandthereandlethimsmirkasifIwasa
tantrummingadolescentwho’dneverworkedandbelievedmoneycamefromfairyfarts.

Iinhaledhardtodelivermyperfectlypoisedrebuttal.
Mr.Everettstoodpatiently,drippingwitharrogance.“Well?”
Iopenedmymouth.
Andthen...Ishutitagain.
He’snotworthit.
Nomanis.
They’reallthesame—believingI’msomebaubleinmyfather’sempire.
Somejeweltheycouldcommandeerforthemselvesandtakeoverthecompanyjustlikethey’dtake

overme.

No.
Nevergoingtohappen.
Iwouldforeverbeavirgin-boundhuskbeforeIeverwastedmorebreathandtemperonamanwho

wouldalwaysremainbelowme.

ImovedmyarmasDadtriedtosqueezemyelbow,askingfordiscretionandquietness.Heknewme.

HeknewIwasborderlineHurricaneNoelle.He’dseenmeblowuponlytwiceandbothwereatcocky
menwhobelievedtheirtopsalariesentitledthemtocheatontheirwivesandnotgiveashitabouttheir
work.

OnehadcriedasheleftBelleElleheadquarters.Theotherhadretiredwithatarnishedreputation.
Dadglancednervouslyaroundthebar,waitingforArmageddon.Insteadofgivinghimasecondheart

attack,Itwistedmyelbow,grabbedhiswrist,andjerkedhimsideways.“Comealong,Dad.Ithinkthis
manhaspoisonedyourmindenough.”

“Elle,darling—”
“Don’tyou‘darling’me.Nexttimeyouthinkofsettingmeup,Dad,stop.Idon’twantanotherforced

meetingwithGregjustbecauseyouandStevecanseeusplayinghouse.Idon’twantsomepity
introductionwithmenwhopassyourcritique.AndIdefinitelydon’twanttoseethisoneagain.Ever.”I
sneeredatMr.Everett,doingmybesttoignorethefrustratinglyeroticsmileonhisface.

Heraisedhisglassofclearliquor,takingasip.Hisgazedriftedovermewitheyesasdarkas

goodbyesandajawsosharpitwouldslicemyfingerifIwereeverstupidenoughtotouchit.

“Hesaidyouwerehead-strong.Ididn’tbelievehim.”Mr.Everettchuckledinadeeprasp.“I’veseen

evidenceformyself,andIhavetoadmit...”Heleanedcloserinacloudofexpensive,headyaftershave.“I
likeit.”Glancingatmycleavagequickly,hiseyesflewbacktomine.“Unhandyourfather,Ms.Charlston,
andagreetoadatewithme.”

Myjawfellopen.
Didhejustaskmeout?
Afterallthat?
Ikeptmyfacecoolanduninterested.“Neverinamillionyears.”
“Amillionisalongtime.”
“It’salsoalotofmoneyifyouwanttobesuedforsexualharassment.”
Hegrinned.“Ihappentohaveexcellentlegalcounsel.You’dneverwin.”

“Idon’tneedtowintotellyoutoleavemethehellalone.”
“Goonadatewithme,andImightagreetoyourcommand.”
“Whatpartof‘leavemealone’didn’tyouhear?Adatewoulddefeatthatwishtoneverseeyou

again.”

Hesmoothedhissilkygrayshirt.“Idecidewhattohearandwhatnotto.”Hiseyesnarrowedwith

untoldauthority.“AndI’vedecidedyourfatherisright.Youaremytype.AndI’myours.It’snormalforus
tofindoutwhatnatureintends.”

Icouldn’t.
Ijustcouldn’tdealwiththisinsanity.
“Weshouldfindoutwhatnatureintends,huh?”Ireachedforwardandpluckedhisstill-filledglass

fromhisstupidlyperfectfingers.“Thisiswhatnatureintends.”Idumpedthecontentsontohis
ridiculouslysexysweptbackhairthenleanedinuntilournosesbrushed.“Comenearmeagain,andI’ll
strikeamatchtoseehowwellliquorandfirelikeeachother.”

NotcaringaboutmyfatherorSteveorGregorevendamnMr.Everett,Istraightenedmyshoulders

andstormedfromtherestaurant.

ChapterThirteen

MYCOMPUTEREARNEDthebruntofmyanger.

Thepoorkeyboardwasbruisedinplacesnotechnologyshouldbebruised.
EversincetheWeepingWillow,I’dbeenstrungsotight,myinsideshadtransformedintosomething

snarlingandwildwithbigteeth.Ifeltlikesomethinglivedinsideme,readytoleapfree.

Probablybeenreadingtoomanyshapeshifterromancesagain.
Butstill,allnightIcouldn’trelax,andalldayIrevvedwithdisbeliefatMr.Everett’sgall.
Thenagain,wasthereanythingtobetrulyupsetabout?Hewasanopportunist,andmyfatherhadbeen

hisvictim.Noharmdone.I’dseenpasttheruseandkeptmyfathersafeandfarawayfromascamartist.

Sowhycan’tIdampenthetemperraginginmyblood?
Becausehe’stheonlymantogetariseoutofme?
Theonlyonetoshowmealittleofthetruthhiddenbeneaththeprimdressesandeloquentpoliteness

ofaworkaholic?

ThatIhadpassion.
Depth.
Needs?
No,thatcan’tbetrue.
MenwerepartofthepopulationIdidn’tneed.EvenBelleEllecouldsurvivewithoutthemale

counterparts.Thesalesfiguresforwomen’sfashionweretwo-hundredtimesthatofthemen’sdepartment.
Infact,Ishouldproposeatthenextbusinessmeetingtocancelallmalelinesandjustpretendtheworld
haddoneitselfafavoranddeletedanyonewithapenis.

You’retalkinggibberish.
ThankGodthatcan’thappenasyou’dmissyourfather.
Thinkingaboutmyfatherandthewordpenisinthesamecontextwasdisgusting.
ButthinkingofMr.Everettinthesamecontext...
Stilldisgusting.
Myhandscurledaroundmypen.ThiswasDad’sfault—thesamefatherdeadsetonmarryingmeoff

beforemynextbirthday.

Theclockonmydesksaiditwasalmost5p.m.I’dlastedthedayandusedmyangertowipemyto-do

listclean.I’dneverfinishedsoearlybefore,andIwishedIhadmoretaskstodoastherewasnowayI
wantedtogohomeyet.

PoorSagefedoffmynervousenergy,pacingaroundmyofficeratherthannappinginthetwilight

sunshine.AndIwashungryagainforthefifthtimetoday—burningthroughcaloriesfasterthanIcould
replacethem.

Someoneknockedonmydoor.
Ilookedup.“Yes?”
“Elle?”Fleurstuckherheadin.“Yourfatherwantsawordbeforeheretiresforthenight.”
Ifroze.“Why?”
Anotherdisastrousdatesetup?
Fleurfrowned.“Um,notsure.He’sfamily...Iguesshejustwantedtosaygoodbye?”

Idroppedmypen,draggingahandthroughmyhair.“Ofcourse,stupidofme.You’reright.Sendhim

in.”

Shegavemeasweetsmile,sidesteppingenoughformyfathertoenter.Hisgaze,asalways,wentto

theChinesewallpapertomyleftwithcranesandricepaddies.Thedecorationlinehadbeenatrialwe’d
doneinthehousewaredepartmentfourseasonsago,andit’dbeenahugehit.I’dusedsomeoftheproduct
myselftomakesureithadlongevityandstyle.

“Howwasyourday?”heasked,comingaroundmydesktokissthetopofmyhead.
“Good.”Isighed.“IgoteverythingIneededtodone.”
“That’sgreat.”Hegrinned,butitdidn’treachhiseyes.Hisapologyhoveredinthespacebetweenus,

bigandmarshmallow-like,andentirelyobvioustobothofus.

“Spititout,Dad.”Iclosedmylaptopandshutmydiary.“What’sup?”
Heblurted.“I’msosorryaboutlastnight,BellButton.Iwaswrong.Youwereright.Hewasastuck-

upjackass.”

Ismotheredalaugh.“Jackass,Iagreewith.”
Hisshouldersfell,hisslimfigurebowingwhilerestinghishipagainstmyglassdesk.“Iwon’tdoit

again,andIpromiseSteveandIwillbackdownaboutforcingyouandGregtogether.Iknowyou’renota
fan,andit’swrongofmetointerfere.”Hepickedupmyfountainpenwithturquoiseink—theonly
frivolousthingIusedwheneverythingelsewasblackandwhitewithBelleElleregulation.“Ishouldlet
naturetakeitscourseandletyoufindyourowntruelove.”

Igroanedundermybreath.“Don’tyoustartwithwhatnatureintends.”
SplashingalcoholontoMr.Everett’sheadfilledmymind—paymentforusingthatsameline.
Hadhethoughtaboutmeintheshowerwhilerinsingoff?Hadhecursedmewhendroppinghissuitin

fordrycleaning?

Serveshimright.
Dad’seyebrowrose,buthewiselydidn’tcomment.Thesoftlamponmydeskhighlightedthethreads

ofsilverinhishairlikeChristmasfairy-lights.“Isthereanyone?Anyoneatall?”

Istood,grabbingmyhandbagandswoopingdowntopluckSagefromherbasket.Shecrawledupmy

armandsettledlikeafurrysausagearoundthebackofmyneck.“No.Noone.Andyouhavetocometo
termsthattheremightneverbe.”Ipattedhisshoulder.“I’mhappy.Idon’tneedamantovalidatemy
existence.”

Besides,I’msoyoungstill.
HeactedasifIwerealreadyslippingdownthesideoftheage-hillofnoreturn.
Hiseyesgrewsad.“Ifyouknewwhatlovefeltlike,youwouldn’tbesosureaboutthatstatement,

Elle.”

“Idoknowwhatlovefeelslike.FromyouandMomandSage.”Imovedtowardthedoor,turningoff

floorlampsthatIfoundgaveahomelyglowasIwent.“Promisemeyou’llstopmeddling,andI’lltake
youtodinnertomakeupforlastnight.”

Hestrodeforward,happinessreplacinghisregret.“Ononecondition.”
Isigheddramatically,reachinguptoscratchSagebeneathherchin.“Whatcondition?”
Hecameforwardandrestedhishandsonmyshoulders,notcaringwhenSageswattedhimwithher

paw.“Justpromisemethatwhenamandoescomealongwhomakesyoufallinlove,thatyou’llgivehim
achance.Thatyou’llreservejudgmentuntilhe’sprovenhe’sworthholdingonto,andthenyou’llnever
lethimgo.”

MyheartplummetedtomytoesasIsmiledbrightly,hidingtheinternalagonyhe’djustcaused.“I’ll

amendonepieceofthatpromiseandagree.Ifamancomesalong.Ifthatmiraclehappens,I’llgivehima
chancebeforeIsquishhim.”

WhatIdidn’tsaywasI’dalreadymetthatman.Thatsignificantpersonwhogotundermyskinand

mademedream.

Onlythingwas,Ihadn’theldontightenough.
AndI’dlosthim.

ChapterFourteen

THREEDAYSLATER,mylifehadreturnedtonormal.

NomoresleeplessnightsthankstoMr.Everett—theyweresleeplessbecauseofmyguilttoward

Nameless.Mundanemorningsonthetreadmillflowedintoagonizingafternoonswithboardmeetings.

Lifewascontrollableonceagain.
FleurcontinuedtohelpmeruntheempirewhileDadtookafewdaysoffatmyinsistence.Hisskin

hadlostsomecolor,andI’dcaughthimcoughingtheotherdaywitharattleIdidn’tlike.Ifitwastheflu,I
wantedhimsafeandwarmathomewhileMarnie,thecook,madehimhealthysnacks.Ididn’twant
opportunisticgermsstraininghisalreadystrainedheart.

StevehelpedmehostafewconferencecallsfromBeijingandMontrealaboutournewinfantline

releasingnextmonth,andworkonceagaintuggedmedeepintoitsclutches,erasinganymemoryof
tippingalcoholontosomestranger’shead.

UntilthethirddaywhenIscoopedSageupandheadedtotheshopfloorforaquickwalkaround.Idid

randominspectionsthroughouttheweek—neverannouncedorfore-planned,soemployeesweren’t
prepared.

IfIhadasparefifteenminutes,Ifoundnobetterplacetostretchmylegsthanstrollingaroundthe

racksofnew-smellingmerchandise,eyeingupdisplays,spyingonstaff,andscoringanyareasthatneeded
tweaking.

Astheelevatorcarriedmefromthetopfloortothebottom,themirroredwallsshowedSageasshe

layovermyshoulders,tappingmydanglingcrystalearringthatmatchedtheivorydresswithsoftcaramel
lace.Thelacypanelcoveredmychestandworkedinaflowerpatterntoflareovermyhipsbefore
reconveningatthehem.

Fleurhadaddedittomypaperworkpiletotakehomewithmelastweek.I’dthoughtitwastoo

detailedandfeminineforworkattire,butwhenI’dtrieditonthismorning,Ididn’twanttotakeitoff.The
palenessofitshould’vewashedoutmyblondecomplexion;instead,itmademeglowasifI’djust
steppedoffaplanefromTahiti.

NotthatIknewwhatthatwaslike.TheonlyairtravelIdidwastofactoriesaroundtheworld,andI

endedupwearingearprotectionandoverallswhilemarchingaroundinheavybootswithaclipboard.

Thedoorsopenedwithasoftchime,andIstrodeforwardinmatchingcaramelheels,clippingquickly

overtheanti-slipdriftwood-plankedfloorthatourfocusgroupssaidcalmedthemwiththegraytonesand
encouragedspendingmentality.

Everything—fromthewarmbeigeonthewalls,tothedeeppurplecurtainsinthechangingrooms—

waschosenbyacolorguruwhoconvinceduspurplemadepeoplebelievetheywererichbecauseitwas
thecolorofroyaltyandwealth,andbeigestoletheirworriesandstress,allowingthemtoseethetreasure
troveofmerchandisethatcouldallbetheirsforthesmallpricetickettuckeddemurelyinside.

“Whatdepartmentshouldweinvestigatefirst,Sage?”Imurmuredsoasnottoattractattentionfrom

shoppers.

NotthatIcouldavoidbeingnoticed,seeingasIstrodepurposelythroughBelleEllewithacat

wrappedaroundmyshoulders.Luckily,shewasofthesmallvarietyandnottubbylikesomecatsI’dseen.

Iglancedtowardthelingeriedepartmentwhereanequalnumberofawkwardmenboughtgiftsfor

theirlovesoneswhileboldwomenbrazenlyfingeredG-stringsandgarterbelts.

Iknewthemanager,Kim,wouldkeepherstaffinline;thedisplayswereimpeccablewithitssmall

scaffoldofpantyhose,playfulkink,andlace.Iwouldn’twastemytimeonareasIdidn’tneedtoimprove.

Narrowingmyeyes,Isearchedforsloppilyfoldedsaleitemsorimbalancedbannersorscruffyshop

assistants.

Thehousewaresectionwasalittlemessywithitsfigurinesandlampcords.Thewomen’sshoe

departmentneededamemototellthemtopickupemptyboxesfromcustomerspullingthemfromthe
shelves.Andchildren’swearwoulddefinitelyearnaslaponthewristforabannerpromisingtwenty
percentoffbibswhenahighchairwasbought.

Thatpromotionendedtwodaysago.
However,theareathatsetmyheartracingwithchaoswastheman’sdivisionwherefive-thousand

dollarblazersweretossedoverracks,obscuringpressedtrousersandfaultlessshirts.Tiesdrapedover
mannequinarmslikestreamers,andthesocktablewasarummageddisaster.

Sagemeowedsoftly,mostlikelysayinginkittytalkformetocalmdownbeforeIfoundthe

unsuspectingmanagerandfiredhimonthespot.

“Wherethehellisheandhisstaff?”Stridingforward,myhandscurledasyetmoredisorderrevealed

itself.Ashirthadfallenoffitshangerandlayonthefloor.Thefloor!Beltstangledinaviper-nestonthe
cashregister.

Whatthehellisgoingon?
“Threewarnings,myass,”Imuttered.“Thisisgroundsforinstantdismissal.”
Ididn’tcarethemen’sdepartmenthardlyevercoveredtheextravaganceitcosttorunwithits

cashmereimportedmaterialandon-sitetailorfromSavileRow.ThiswasBelleElle,andithadseverely
letmycompanydown.

“What’sthemanager’snameagain?”
Sagesnuffledintomyneck.
“You’renohelp.”
Shemeowed.
NomatterhowmanyracksIchargeddown,lookingforavictimwearingaBelleEllenametagand

noticeablelavenderworkshirt,Icouldn’tfindanyone.Notone.

Whereoneartharethey?
Thereshouldbeatleastthreetofourstaffmanningthissectionatalltimes.
Myeyesfellonthebrightlylitsignforthechangingrooms.
Ishouldn’t.
Womenweren’tpermittedinthere.Butsurely,thebosswas.
Tiltingmychinwithauthority,Imarchedthroughthearchwayandslammedtoastop.
IfIthoughttheshopfloorwasadisaster,thechangingroomswereacatastrophe.
Clotheseverywhere!
Thousandsofdollarsofmerchandiseonthefloorandpilesdrowningtheleather-studdedottomans.
“Whatisthemeaningofthis?”Iplacedmyhandsonmyhipsasfourmen—whoIpaidadecenthourly

wageandshouldbeontheshopfloorenticingpeopletobuy—allgatheredaroundsomethingofutter
fascination.

SomethingIcouldn’tsee.
Thefloormanagerswiveledinplace,hismouthfallingopen.“Oh,hello,Ms.Charlston.I’msorryI

didn’tseeyouthere.”

“Youdidn’tseemebecauseclothesareeverywhere.ItlookslikeaWorldWarTenstartedinhere.”I

motionedtothepyramidsofexpensivesuitsjustcrumbledonthefloorasiftheywerefive-dollart-shirts.
“Cleanthismessup,immediately.Andgetyourstaffatfrontofhouse.There’renoassistantsoutthere.”

“Ofcourse,Ms.Charlston.”Themanagernodded;hisidentificationtagshowedhisnamewas

Markus.“Rightaway.”Clickinghisfingers,hesnapped,“George,Luke,getbackoutthere.RyanandIcan
finishwithMasterSteel.”

Instantly,thetwoyoungerstaffmembersdroppedtheshirtsloopedovertheirarmsontothealready

overflowingottomananddashedpastmewithrespectful,apologeticsmiles.

Ididn’twatchthemgo.Icouldn’t.MygazegluedtothelittlehumanIhadn’tseenthankstostaffand

shirtssurroundinghim.

“Oh,I’msosorry;Ididn’tknowI’dinterruptedsomething.”IglancedatMarkus.“Whydidn’tyousay

something?”

“Becauseyou’reright,ma’am.Wedon’tneedfourattendantstodressonechild.”
Ieyedthekidwhostoodinfrontofthefloor-to-ceilingmirror,swimminginmen’strousersanda

blazerthatcametohisknees.Igavehimaquicksmile,movingclosertoMarkus.“Whyisheinthemen’s
departmentandnotinchildren’swear?He’llneverfindanythingtofithim.”

Theboylookedatmeinthemirror,notbotheringtoturnaround.“I’mnotakid.”
Istartledatthesharpstaccatoofhisadolescentvoice.Thepinchedlookinhischeeksandwildnessin

hisgazespokeofachildrunningoutofpatienceandeitherclosetotearsortemper.Ihadn’tbeenaround
manykids,butIguessedhewasnineorten.

“Iwantasuit.PennsaidIcouldhaveasuit.Likehim.IwanttodresslikehimandLarry.”
Sagesquirmedonmyshoulders,squintingattheboy.Justlikeme,shewasn’tusedtobossychildren.

NotequippedtoreplytoasentenceIhadnowayofunderstanding,IlookedbackatMarkus.“Canyou
explain?”

Markusgrinnedattheboy.“Ofcourse.ThisisStewart.HeprefersStewie,though,don’tyou?”
Theboynodded.“Stewie.”Hepokedafingerintohischest.“That’sme.”
“Okay...”Ismiledasifitwasaperfectlyacceptablenameandnotathick-typesoupIfoundutterly

unappetizing.“AndStewiewantsasuit.”

Stewiegrinned,showingagapinhisfrontteethwhereababytoothhadfallen,andanadultonehad

yettoappear.“Yup.Pennishelping.Hesaidallmenhavetohaveatleastthreesuits.Oneforawedding,
afuneral,andbusiness.”

“Afuneral?”Myheartsank.“Isthatwhereyou’regoing?”
“No.”Stewiebrushedchestnuthairawayfromhisface,eyeinghisrosycheeksinthemirrorandears

thatslightlyprotruded.“Butit’sbettertobeprepared.That’swhatheandLarryalwayssay.”

Imovedforward,myhandslidingupwardtoscratchSageasshehissedatthesmallcreature.“And

whoareLarryandPenn?Yourfathers?”Theworldwasanopensocietythesedays.LarryandPenncould
bemarried.Ortheycouldbehisunclesorteachersorjustfriends.Orbrothers.Hell,LarryandPenn
couldbegenerouskidnappersforallIknew.

Stewiescreweduphisnose.“Ha,that’sfunny.”Hismirthfaded.“Wait...Ikindasupposetheyare.

Now,Imean.Ineverhadadadbefore.”Hisangularfacebrightened.Hewasn’tchubbylikesome
childrenofhisagewere.Hehadahardedgeabouthimthatcouldn’tbetamed,evenintheridiculously
hugesuitwithcuffshangingoverhishandslikepenguinflippers.

IglancedovermyshouldertoMarkus.“Wherearehisfathers?Whyareyouandmystaffplaying

babysitter?”

“Um,he’sonlyherewithonegentleman,Ms.Charlston.Andhejustpoppedoutforamoment.Urgent

phonecall,Ibelieve.”Heshuffled.“Buthemadethemess,notus.HeandStewietriedtofindsomething
smaller—smallerbelts,socks,ties—anentirewardrobe,youunderstand.Wesettledonagreeingthat
Stewiewouldpickasuitheliked,andthenwe’dsendittobetailoredtofithim.”

Myeyeswidened.“Butthatwillendupbeinganentirelynewsuit.Thereisnowayatailorcanturna

man’sthirty-eightintoaboy’stwelve.”

“Butisn’tthatwhatI’mpayingfor?”acool,sveltevoicemurmuredbehindme.Itthrobbedwith

glamourwhilesomehowborderedcurtimpatience.“Isn’tthatwhatBelleEllepridesitselfon?Providing
whatotherstorescannot?Becauseifitisn’t...thenmyapologies;we’llgosomewhereelse.”

Ispuninplace,myheartalreadyleapingintoachurningseaathistone.
Themomentmyeyeslockedontothenewcomer’sdarkbrownones,thepastthreesleeplessnightsand

longhourscaughtupwithme.ShakinghijackedmyarmsandnotbecauseI’dupsetacustomerand
tarnishedalittleofwhatherightfullysaidwasourmottobutbecauseitwashim.

Him!
“You.”
“Yes,me.”Mr.Everettsmirked.“Nicetoseeyouagain.”
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Herolledhisshoulders,hisfingerstighteningaroundhisphone.“Samethingaseveryoneelse,I

suspect.Puttingourmoneyintoyourpockets.”

Icrossedmyarms.“Yetyouleaveyoursonformystafftobabysit.Thatisn’tpartoftheirjob

description.”

“Iapologize.Itwasanurgentcallandonlylastedafewminutes.”Helookedpastmetotheboy

swimminginwoolandhandstitching.“Youokay,Stew?Findsomethingyoulike?”

Stewieturnedandheadedtowardus,hisfeetdraggingthetrouserlengthslikeclownsocksbehind

him.“Yep.Ilikethisone.”

Mr.Everetteyedthesoftgraywithnavybluepinstriping.“Metoo.Goodchoice.”
StewieshruggedoutoftheblazerandpassedittoMarkuswhostoodeverprofessional,mindinghis

ownbusiness.

Icouldn’tdecideifIwantedtorunawayorshovethismiscreantoutofmystore.Sonornoson.
Wait...hehasason.
He’smarriedtoamannamedLarryandhasason.
Notonlyhadmyfathergotthestorycompletelywrongatthebar,butMr.Everetthadalsofibbed

aboutbeinginterestedinmeandhavinga‘knack’withwomen.

Mytempersteamed,andbeforeIcouldcensor,Isaid,“Turnsoutyou’refulloflies,Mr.Everett.”
Hiseyesnarrowedasadarkcloudsettledoverhisface.“Excuseme?”HeopenedhisarmasStewie

slottedhimselfagainsthisside,reachingforhisphoneandswipinginthepasscodetopullupAngry
Birds.

IsteppedbackasSagesankherclawsintomyneckinwarning.
Goodcall,kitty.
Iletmyarmsfall,andtensiondisperse.Itmeantnothingthathe’dliedorthathewasgay.Whyhadn’tI

seenit?Ofcourse,hewasgay.Hewasfartoowelldressedandmanicuredineveryway—trimnails,
groomedeyebrows,andthicksorrelhairwiththeoccasionalhoneyhighlight.Thatcouldn’tbenatural.

Hewasn’tnatural.
Hewasfake.
AndIwasdone.
“Iapologizeforinterruptingyourshoppingexperience.IhopeyouenjoytherestofyourvisittoBelle

Elle.”Steppingforward,Ididmybesttoavoidhisbulkinthenarrowhallwaywithchangingroomson
eitherside.

Hewasn’tcourteousanddidn’tstepasidetoletmepass.Hejuststoodthere,givingmethechoiceto

squeezepastthesmallgaporwaitandglareintohiseyes.

Thesameeyesthathadmoltenheatandaperpetuallypissedexpression.Hewaslikesugarandsalt,

pollenandpoison—someonedangerous.Pricklesofself-preservationurgedmetoleavewhilefrissonsof
curiositywhisperedformetostay.

Ididn’tlikeeither.
Ididn’tlikehim.
Needingtogaincontrol,IlookedatMarkus.“Pleaseensurethisdepartmentistidyassoonas

possible.AndaskthetailortotriplecheckStewie’smeasurementssothealterationsareperfectfirst
time.”

“Yes,Ms.Charlston.”
“HisnameisMasterSteel.NotStewie,”Mr.Everettclipped.“JustlikeI’mMr.Everetttoyouand

Penntohimandyou’reMs.CharlstontoeveryoneandneverNoelle.”

Whatthehelldoesthatmean?
Istiffened.“Letmepass.”
“No.”
Isuckedinabreath.“Don’truinaniceafternoonoutforyourson,Mr.Everett.Yourhusbandwould

beverysadtoreceiveaphonecallsayingyou’dbeenarrestedfordisruptingthepeaceinmydepartment
store.”

Hisbodyshiftedfromtensetodownrightnasty.Hishandsopenedandclosedasifhe’dlikenothing

morethantostrangleme.HisgazeflickeredtoSagearoundmynapethenbacktomyface.Hedidn’tseem
surprisedIworeasilvercatasanaccessory.“You’dlikethat,wouldn’tyou?”Hislipsquirkedatthe
corners.“Foryourinformation,I’mnotmarried.AndIprefermydateswithtitsratherthanballs.”

Iflinched.“Hardlysuitableconversationwithachildpresent.”
StewiemumbledwithhiseyesgluedtoAngryBirds.“I’veheardworse.Believeme.”
“Worse?”
WhatsortofenvironmentdidMr.Everettexposethiskidto?Whywashesoskinny?ShouldIget

childservicestodoa‘random’housecall?

“Ifyourecall,Ms.Charlston,Iaskedyoutogotodinnerwithmetheothernight.WhywouldIdothat

ifIwasn’tinterestedinwomen?”

Iignoredhisquestion.Itdidn’tmatterwhathissexualorientationwasorhisreasonforaskingmeout.
Iwasn’tinterestedineitheranswer.“I’mnotsurewhyyouhadtheneedtoinformanimpartial

strangerofyourrelationshippreferences,Mr.Everett,butIcanassureyou,Idon’tcareintheslightest.”

Imovedforward,nudginghisshoulderwithmine,lettingSage’stailflickhisthroatasI

circumnavigatedtowardtheexit.“Now,ifyoudon’tmind.Ihavemorepressingthingstoattendto.”

Ilookedatthelittleboy.“Goodbye,MasterSteel.Ihopeyoulikeyournewsuit.”
Withoutabackwardglance,ImarchedasprimandproperasIcould,yetsomefemininepartofmeput

anextraswaggerinmyhips.Myownbodyirritatedme,wantingtocomeacrossasaloofandsexywhen
reallyIshouldn’tgiveadamn.

Ididn’tgiveadamn.
I’ddumpedhisdrinkonhisheadafewdaysago,andnowI’dtoldhimoffwhilehewasspendinghis

moneyinmystore.

Oh,well.
Thatwasallhewasgoodfor.
Addingtothebottomlineandbecomingnothingmorethananuisanceonmyday’sagenda.
“Comeon,Sage.Let’sgobacktotheoffice.”Imademywayquicklythroughtheracks,noticingthe

messhadbeentamedtoitsusualregimentedglory.Thelongsweepingwalkwaylinkingthedepartments
beckoned;Iincreasedmyspeed.

Somethingstrongandunbreakablelatchedaroundmywrist,yankingmebackward.
Itrippedinmyheels,falling.
Icrashedagainstaverywarm,veryunmovable,very,verytonedchest.

Sagemeowed,leapingfrommyshoulderswithfelinegraceandlandingonherfeetaswhoeverhad

theaudacitytograbmespunmearoundandplantedtwopossessivehandsonmyupperarms.“Youdon’t
gettodothatagain.”

Ifocusedonhismouthandhowdamncloseitwas.Howhisaftershavereekedofheavynotesand

woodsymusk.Howhisfingersdugintomeliketalons.

Howdarehetouchmelikethat?
Howdarehebelievehehadtherighttoleapoverboundsofproprietyandsomehowtrapmeinthe

middleofanargumentIwasn’tevenawareexisted.

Snatchingmyarmsfromhisgrip,Iglowered.“Don’tgettodowhat?”
“Berudeandleave.”Hisglarelacedwithdynamite.“Atleast,thistime,youdon’thaveaccessto

liquids.”

“IfIdid,IknowwhereI’dpourthem.”
Histempercrackled,ignitingamagneticfieldbetweenusuntilinvisiblelinesofenergylashedus

together.Confusedenergy.Misplacedenergy.Energythatcouldn’tpossiblysparktothesamefrequency
whenIcouldn’tstandthesightofhim.

“You’llneverdothattomeagain.”
“Iagree.”Inoddedwithaperfectsnap.“BecauseIplanonneverseeingyouagain.Gladwecould

agreeonsomethingforachange.”

Herubbedhisjaw,lookingmeupanddown.“Yousaidyouneverwantedtoseemeagainatthe

restaurant,yethereweare.”Helookedaroundthestore,noticingwhatI’dalreadyseen—thatwewere
aloneamongstalakeofclothes,hiddenbytowersofsuedejacketsanddesignerjeans.

Hesteppedcloser,backingmeupintoarackoflimitededitionlaptopbagsforthehardworkingmale.

“Didyouthinkaboutme,Ms.Charlston?Didyouthinkaboutmyoffer?”Helickedhisbottomlip.“Did
youthinkaboutwhatwecoulddotogether?”

Thewayheemphasized‘do’sentarippleoffrustrationthroughmybelly.Frustrationbornof

annoyanceandthatdreadedawfulconcoctionoflust.Thesamelustthat’dswarmedwithoutwarningthe
nightofmynineteenthbirthday.Thesamelustthat’dalmostmademelosemyselftoamanI’donlyjust
met.

I’dlearnedmylessonthatnight.
Iwouldn’tforgetitnow.
Inthislight,withtheshopfluorescentsblaringdownandthepatchworkofclothesaroundus,Mr.

Everettlookednothinglikethatmaninablackhoodie.It’dbeendarkthatnightwithsomanythings
happening.Mymemorystruggledtoclingtotruthratherthanembellishwithmyth.Iremembered
Namelesshadblackhairmattedintodreadlock-curls,abeard,andclothesthat’dlongsinceneededa
wash.Hiseyeswerearichbrownlikedevil’scake.Hislipsmasculineandhandsome,addinganimation
toanotherwiseguardedface.

Ifhe’dbeenmysavior,thenMr.Everettwasmynemesisinhisperfectedsplendorandarrogant

attitude.

Mywitscameback,pushingawaytheheatinmystomachandthefizzinmyheartfromconfronting

thismanonceagain.

IslippedintoCEOmode,shuttingeverythingelseoff.Theforce-fieldhissingbetweenusseveredasI

forcedalaughasbrittleandbrightasglass.“Wow,Iknewyouhadanego,butIdidn’tknowit’dtakenup
residenceofyourentirebody.”Itappedmybottomlipwithanivorypaintednail.“Whatquestionwould
youlikemetoanswerfirst?”

Hefrowned.“What?”
Icountedonmyfingers.“One,noIdidn’tthinkaboutyoubecauseyoubarelyfactoredonmyradarof

noticeablethings.Two,noIdidn’tthinkaboutyourofferbecausefrankly,IforgotaboutyouthemomentI

walkedoutofthatrestaurant.Andthree,Imostcertainlydidnotthinkaboutwhatwecoulddotogether
becausethatwouldmeanInoticedyou,whichIdidn’t.Which,Ibelieve,Ijustclarified.”

Sagewrappedherlithesilver-furredbodyaroundmyankles,creatingstaticagainstmypantyhose.I

bentdownandscoopedherup,carefultokeepmyeyesawayfromMr.Everett’scrotch.Iwedgedherlike
ateddybearintomyembraceratherthanlettingherresumeherpositionlikeaparrotonapirate’s
shoulder.

Ineededherclose.IneededtouseherassupportsoIcouldgetoutofthereandawayfromthisman

withouteitherslappinghimorkissinghim.

Icouldn’tunderstandwhymymindflashedwithbrokenthings—ofviolentlyattackinghim,ofgiving

intotheunexplainablefuryheinvokedinme.

Thewayhewatchedme,withalanguorsimmeringwithbitterness,saidifIgaveintosuchstupidity

andstartedsomething,he’dbetheonetoenditwithmeslammedagainstthewallandhishandsupmy
skirt.

Ididn’tlikehim.
Imostcertainlydidn’twanthim.
Atall.
Hechuckledsoftly.“Nowwho’stheliar,Ms.Charlston?”Hesniffedtheair,almostasifhecould

dragmyperfumeandtruthintohislungs.“Youdidthinkaboutmeandyou’rethinkingaboutwhatwe
coulddorightnow.”Heloweredhischin,watchingmefromshadowedeyes.“Aren’tyou?”

Iclenchedmyteethanddidn’treply.AhaughtysniffwouldhavetodobecauseIdidn’ttrustmyselfnot

tocursehimtotheunderworldandcallforsecurity.

Ineversufferedpassionassickasthis.NeverwantedtocausephysicalharmtosomeoneI’donlyjust

met.

Hewasallwrong.
Hemademygoodturnbad.
Leave.
Rightnow.
Withaglare,Ispunaroundandstalkedtowardthewalkwayandfreedom.
Only,therehewasagain,dartingaroundmeandplantinghimselfinmytrajectory.Wedginghishands

inhisgrayslackpockets,hesmirked.“Wanttoknowmyanswerstothosethreequestions?”

Hisvoicerippledovermymindbuthispostureturnedasimplequestionintoalabyrinthofdisbelief.

Somethingaboutthewayhemoved—thewayhishandssoughtthesanctuaryofhispockets.

Itwasfamiliar.
Hetoreapartmywonderingbyleaningclose,pluckingtheenergylinesstillhummingbetweenus.“Do

youwanttoknow?”

“No.”
“Toobad.”Hehadthegalltowalkforward,forcingmetoeitheraccepthisclosenessorstepback.
Ididn’twanthimtouchingme,soIbackedup.
Andthenanotherstep.
Andanother.
Backandbackheforcedme,allwhileoureyesneverunlockedandnophysicaltouchensued.Hedid

touchme,though.Hisgazesetfiretomyskinwitheverysecondhestared.Icursedthewaymystomach
clenchedasmyspinepressedagainstacabinetholdingt-shirtsineverycolorforanyoccasion.

Hesmiledcoldly.“Seemsyouaren’topposedtodoingwhatyou’retold,afterall.”
“What?”IsqueezedSagesohard,shesharpenedherclawsonmywrist.
“Iwantedyouagainstaflathardsurfaceandwhatdoyouknow...you’reagainstone.”

Mymouthwentdryashishandcameup,loopingaroundthesilverpoleofthecabinetstand.Hedidn’t

hemmein,buthedidleanforwarduntilmostofhisweightpivotedonhisarm,hisbodyhoveringso
damnclose.

Hemademepricklyasacactus,hotasarainforest.
Andwet.
Icouldn’trememberthelasttimesomeonehadpuppeteeredmybodyinsuchaway.
Well,yesIcanremember.
Butatthesametime,Ididn’twantto.NotwhileIwasaffectedbyamansototallydifferenttothat

chocolatekisserinmypast.ItwasridiculousbutIfeltlikeIcheatedonhim—tramplingovermyoathto
helphim,rippingupthedebtIhadtofindandsavehim.

Ihadn’tliveduptomypromiseandeverysecondIspentlickingmylips,drunkoncheapchemistry,I

cheapenedwhat’dhappenedbetweenus.

ThesamerushofpleasureIwantedNamelesstotakenowbeggedforanewmaster.
AndIdon’tevenlikethisman.
Ididn’tlikemyself.
Butitdidn’tmatterbecausemyheartunderstoodhewasanegotisticalassholeandmybodydeemed

himacceptableenoughtoscratchmylust-itchregardless.

Hisgazedroppedtomymouth.Hisvoicewassoft,coaxing.“One,Ididthinkaboutyou.Alotmore

thanIshouldprobablyadmit.Ithoughtaboutforcingyoutoacceptmyoffer,soatleastIcouldgetyou
behindcloseddoors.AndImostcertainlythoughtaboutwhatwecoulddotogether.”

Hisheaderasedthedistance,hismintybreathslippingpastmylipsandsomehowtakingupresidence

inmylungs,suffocatingme.“Ithoughtaboutitintheshower,inbed,fuck,eveninmyoffice.”Hishead
camedown.Hisnosenuzzledtheshellofmyear,disruptingthecrystalearringsoittinkledsoftly.

Hisotherhandcameup,asinglefingerunfurlingandtracinganelectricalcorddownmyarm,slipping

tomysideandboldlypressingagainstmywaisttomyhipbone.“You’reastunningwoman,Elle
Charlston,andyourfatherwasright.Whatevermanyouendupwithisaluckyfuckingbastard,butIdon’t
thinkanyonestandsachance.”

Helookedintomygazewithcold,pityinglook.“Youhaveaprisongatearoundyourselfthatyou’re

tooafraidtounlockandbefree.”

Ihatedthatheunderstoodmewhenhehadnoright.
Idespisedthewayhe’dusedthewordfreewhenImyselfthoughtthatphrasefartoooften.
AndIloathedthathisbodyheatstungminewithsensationandmynipplestightenedtopain.
Ihadnoresolutiontopushhimaway.
HisfingertipsuddenlyleftmyhipboneandlandedonSage’shead.“It’sfunnythatyou’recarryingyour

pussyaround.Isthataninvitationinsomestrangeway?”

Ispluttered.“Getyourhandoffmycat.”
Heimmediatelyhelditupinsurrenderbeforeonceagaintracingafingertipfrommyshouldertomy

wrist.

Ittookeveryounceoftraininganddisciplinenottoshudderorpuddletothefloor.Howlonghadit

beensincesomeonehadpettedme?HowlongsinceI’dbeentouchedotherthanaquickfatherlyhugor
patwelldone?

Never.
That’showlong.
BecauseevenNamelesshadneverstrokedme.He’dgrabbedme,kissedme,fondledme,butnever

stroked.

Isqueezedmyeyes,doingmybesttofindnormalcy.Graspingthefrigidnessinsidethatstillremained

likeaneverthawingglacier,Iwasgladmymisplacedyearningcouldn’tmeltit.

Iwasbetterthanthis.
Betterthanhim.
Sidesteppingwherehisarmwasn’tlatchedtothecabinet,Iduckedaroundarackofhangingslacks

andcloakedmyselfwithgovernment.“Ithinkyouover-estimateyourself,Mr.Everett.Idon’tcareifyou
thoughtaboutmeandIdon’tappreciatethinkingaboutwhatyouweredoingtoyourselfintheshower.”

Igrewbolderashestoodtheresilently,amalevolentglareinhisgaze.
Sagehadenoughofmyembraceandcrawledbacktoherspotonmyshoulders.Withmyarmsfree,I

letthemhangproudandregalwithmybacktightandsmileplastic.“Ifyouthoughtyoucouldoverpower
me,makemeweakintheknees,andforcemetogoonadatewithyou,youfailedyetagain.NotonlyamI
evenmoredeterminednevertoseeyouagain,butyoujustgaveawaytwoverysignificantpiecesof
informationthatmeanyou’renotnearlyasmysteriousasyouthinkyouare.”

“Oh?”Hiseyebrowraised,thefaintestsignofconfusionlurkingbeneaththeheatedcoalofhisirises.

“Andwhatexactlyisthat?”

Igrinnedcondescendingly.“OutofallthedepartmentstoresinNewYork,youhappentochooseBelle

Elle.Andoutofthethreechainswehaveinthecity,youchosetheheadoffice.Whyisthat?Becauseyou
thoughtyoumightbumpintome?”Ishookmyhead.“Pity.Imustadmityoucameattherighttimeand
coincidencedecidedtoshoveustogetherbutonlytoallowmetoclarifythatnomatterwhatyousayor
do,myanswerwillforeverremainno—”

“Seeingasyou’retakingwaytoomuchprideinthinkingyoufiguredoutmyshoppinghabits,let’s

moveon.What’sthesecondthingI’verevealed?”Hispatentleathershoessqueakedashemoved,once
againhintinghewasn’tascomfortableasheimplied.

Hisuncertaintyfedmyresolution.Iheldmychinhigh.“Thatyouaren’tjustamaninasuitlookingfor

aquickone-nightstandinabar.”

“I’mnot?”Hisfaceshutdown.“Howcanyoutell?”
“Becauseyouhaveason.Becauseyoucareenoughtospendafortuneonsomethingridiculous

becauseit’sbasedonself-worth,notthewardrobe.AndbecauseyouandthisunknownLarryperson
obviouslyhavesomeresemblanceofaheart.Otherwise,thatkidwouldn’twanttohaveanythingtodo
withyou,yethewillinglycurledintoyoutoplayAngryBirds.”

Hispostureresembledafuriouspredator.“You’remoreobservantthanIgaveyoucredit.”
“No,I’mnormallythisobservant.”IclippedontothewalkwaytofreedomasifIwasDorothyonthe

yellowbrickroadtothewizard.“Youjustdon’tknowme.”

Istrolledawaybeforehecouldreply.

ChapterFifteen

“THISINVITATIONJUSTarrivedforyou.”Fleurwaltzedintomyofficethefollowingdayinapinkand
yellowsundressthatsomehowflirtedthelinebetweenwork-appropriateandbeachwear.

Iglancedfrommylaptoptotheflockedenvelopesheheld,hatingthewaymymindtookthe

interruptionandranswiftlyfromhumanresourceissuestoonceagainthinkingaboutMr.Everett.

I’dsuccessfullypushedhimawaymoretimesthanIwouldadmit.Ididnotneedhiminmybrain

anymore.Ididn’tevenknowwhyhewasinmybrain.

Wehadsomeweirdformofconnection,butIwouldn’tbuyintothebaitandIdefinitelywouldn’tbe

seducedbyamanIcouldn’tstand.

“Who’sitfrom?”Iheldoutmyhandassheapproachedmydeskandplacedtheheavyinviteintomy

awaitingfingers.

“Ithasareturnaddress.ChloeMathers,Ibelieve.”
“ChloeMathers?”
WhydoIknowthatname?
Amemorytantalizedmewithsomelongignoredrecollection,beggingtobecaughtandtugged.
ChloeMathers...
FleursmiledandshowednointentionofleavingasIspuntheenvelopeinmyhandsandsliceditopen

withaletterknife.

Ifrowned,pullingfreeasinglecardwithbronzeaccentsonthecornersandthestandarddescription

ofbeinginvitedtoaget-together.

Mymindslammedintoremembrance.
“Oh,no,”Igroaned.“ThatChloeMathers.”
Fleurplantedherhandsonmydesk,intriguealloverherface.“Whoisshe?Itdoesn’tsoundlikeyou

likeher.”

“It’snotthatIdon’tlikeher.Moreshedoesn’tlikeme.”Iflippedtheinviteupsidedown,tryingtosee

somethingpersonalorhintthatperhapsshe’dsentthistothewrongperson.

“Shewasthemostpopulargirlinschool.Forafewmonthsoftheyear,whenitcametimeforschool

partiesorproms,shebefriendedme.Sheandherlittlegroupofstuck-upwitcheswouldplymewith
sleepovers—thatIdidn’twanttogoto,butmydadmademe—andholdaseatformeinclass—whichI
neversatinbecausetheyjustcheatedoffmywork—alltodragmetoBelleElleandgetthemdiscountson
dressesandshoes.”

“Childrencanbesuchbrats.”
“Yep.”Inoddeddistractedly,rememberinghowmuchI’dhatedhighschool.HoweveryhourIspent

inthefacultyclassroomsandlistenedtoteachersdroneonwasawastebecause,unlikemypeers,Ididn’t
gettogohomeandplayoutsideorhangwithsweetboyfriendsontheweekends.

Oncethebellrang,DavidpickedmeupanddrovemetoBelleEllewhereI’dworkuntilwellpast

mostotherstudents’bedtimes.

Ilookedup,nibblingwithuncertaintyandnervesIthoughtI’ddeletedfrombeinganoutcastatschool.

“Doyouthinktheysentitbymistake?Whywouldtheyinviteme?”

“Whatisit?”Fleurpluckedtheinvitefrommyhold,scanningthedetails.“Ithasyournameonthetop,

soitisn’tamistake.”

Shereadoutloud,“You’recordiallyinvitedtospendtheeveningreminiscingandsharinglife’s

progresswiththegirlsfromSt.Hilga’sEducationthiscomingFridayatthePalmPolitics.Yourselfand
plusoneareinvited.”Shewrinkledhernose.“Ugh,Icanheartheircontemptuousattitudesjustfroma
genericinvitation.”

Ihungmyhead,massagingthemusclesinmyneck.“It’sshortnotice,isn’tit?DotheymeanthisFriday

ornext?”

Sheglancedattheenvelope,peeringatthestamp.“Uhoh,it’stonight.Itwassentaweekago.Iguess

itgotlostinthemailroom.Itis,afterall,addressedtoElletheDingDongBelle.”

Ismotheredmyfaceinmyhands.“Oh,God,don’tremindmeofthatawfulnickname.”
“Man,kidsarecruel,”Fleurmuttered.
Ididn’tuntanglemyselffrommyhands,pretendingthepinklightcomingthroughmyfingerscould

erasemychildhood,andIcouldforgetaboutpranksandnastylittlegirls.

Fleurstraightenedsomepaperworkonmydesk,stackingapileoffolders,andplacingafewstray

pensintomystainlesssteelholder.Whenorderhadbeengranted,andmynerveshadcalmedsomewhat—
remindingmetheycouldn’thurtmeanymore—thatIwasinmyBelleElletowerandtheyweredown
thereinManhattansomewhere,Ilookedupandbreatheddeep.

Wewerelivingourlives.Awayfromeachother.Itwasperfect.
OnlyFleurruinedmyco-existencebysaying,“Youknowyouhavetogo,right?”
“What?”Mymouthhungopen.“NowayinhellamIgoing.”
“Youhaveto.Nottoprovetothemhowincrediblysuccessfulandpowerfulyouarebuttoproveto

yourself.”

Iscoffed,pluckingapenfromtheholderandtappingitwildlyagainstmynotepad.“Idon’tneedtodo

anythingofthesort.”

Sheplantedahandonherhip,givingmearaisedeyebrowandalookthatsaid‘yeah,right.’
Iignoredher.“Noway.Nohow.”Isnatchedtheinviteandstabbedmyfingerattheplusone.

“Besides,Ihavenoonetogowith.IfIhadsomedrop-deadgorgeousmanwhocouldremindmetostand
tallandnotletthemwin,thenmaybe.ButIdon’t,andthey’llmostlikelyhavetheirmancandywitharug
ratortwo.AndI’mstillanoutcastlikeIalwayswasinhighschoolwithhercat.”

Sagenudgedmyankle,yawningwithhercutelittletongueshapedintoafunnel.
“Iloveyou,Sage,butyou’rehardly‘bringtoaparty’material.”
I’dalreadyunwittinglyshowedhowsadanddepressingmypersonallifewastoMr.Everettby

wearingheronmyshouldersyesterday.

No.
I’dhadenoughembarrassmentinmylifealreadywithoutaddingmoretoit.
Refreshingmylaptopscreen,Ididmybesttoreadforecastnumbersandfindthemriveting.
Fleurshifted.“Ireallythink—”
“No.”Ikeptmyeyesgluedonthespread-sheet.“Now,ifthereisn’tanythingelse,I’dappreciatesome

quiet,soIcangetthisdone.”

Shesniffedbutturnedandploddeddramaticallytothedoor.Reachingit,sheturnedwithaspinsofast

itkickedoutherdressintoatulipflare.“Youknowwhat?I’mtakingchargeofthis.Youworethativory
andcaramellacedressbecauseImadeiteasyforyoutodoso.Thisisthesamesortofthing.Iknowyou
don’tlikehim,buthe’shandsomeandwillhaveyourback.”

Myheartfrozeintoapopsicle.
She’llcallMr.Everett?
Howdoessheknowabouthim?
Hewon’thavemyback.
He’llfindsomeothersurfacetopushmeagainstandterrorizememore.

Istiffened.“No,Fleur.Whateveryou’rethinking.Stopit.”
“You’llthankmeonceyou’veseenyourselfintheireyes.Whenyou’vefelttheiraweathowhardyou

workandtheirenvyatyourunlimitedbankaccounts.Andyou’llpretendyouaren’t,butyou’llbehappy
whentheyflirtwithyourmanandfindoutheonlyhaseyesforyou.”

She’sgoingtodoit.
She’llcallhim.
She’lldeliberatelysabotagemydesirenevertoseehimagain.
BeforeIcouldtellherIhadnointentionofbeingfulfilledbyjealousyorhadanydesiretoannounce

totheundeservingwitchesfromhighschoolwhatmybankaccountlookedlike,shewasgone.

Toruinmylife.
AndIcouldn’tdoathingtostopit.

ChapterSixteen

“I’MGOINGTOkillmyassistanttomorrow.”

DavidraisedaneyebrowasIclimbedfromthebackseatoftheRangeRover.“Niceofyoutoinform

me.I’llensuretheappropriatelawyersarecalled.”

Igavehimagrimsmile.“Idonotwanttobehere,David.Doyouthink—”
Hesmotheredaslightgrin.“Ma’am,ifyouwant,I’lldriveyourighthome.Butifyoudon’tmindme

saying,youlookbeautiful,anditseemsashametowastesuchbeautywithouthavingonedrinkbeforeyou
go.”

Inarrowedmyeyes.“You’reameddler.Justlikesheis.”
“I’mnothingofthesort.Infact,I’llhelpwiththemurdertomorrowiftonightisnotasuccess.”He

closedthebackdoorandheadedtowardthedriver’sseat,leavingmeabandonedonthesidewalkaboutto
enterthedragon’splayground.“Considermeawillingaccomplice.Now,goandhavefun,andcallme
whenyou’rereadytoleave.”

Myemotionswerefullofpoutinessandfrustration.IcouldjusttellhimIwasreadynow.ButIwasn’t

afour-year-old,andhewasright.Itwouldbeawastenottogoinforasecond—especiallyafterFleur’s
wardrobeministrations.

NotthatIapproved.
Thedressshe’dchosenwasthemostdaring,risquéthingI’deverworn.Foracocktailget-together,

she’dgoneoverthetopwitharusset-goldsilkgownthatslinkedaroundmyanklesandsplituponelegto
mid-thigh.Thebackwasnon-existentwithjustenoughheighttocovermyassbutleavemyspineexposed,
whilethefrontswoopeduptomythroatinagatheredcowl.

She’devengoneasfartodomyhairforme.She’dfishtailbraidedit,soitsatovermyleftshoulder

andkeptmynakedbackondisplay.

Theentiretimeshefussedwithmyhairandmakeup,I’dmutteredshewasfiredandtostartlooking

forotheremployment.

Butoncesheshowedmethefinishedproduct,shovedmeintothecar,andtoldmemydatewouldmeet

methere,Ihadtoadmitasmidgen(ateenytinysmidgen)ofexcitementfilledmetohaveanightoutwith
peopleotherthanbusinessassociatesormyfatherandSteve.

Andtobehonest,IlookedforwardtospendinganeveninglookingthewayIdidwhiletormentingand

verballysparringwithMr.Everett.Itwasthethoughtofhimbeingtheretotakethespotlightoffmefrom
thenastyschoolgirlsthatmovedmyunwillingfeetintothenightclubwhereasmallsectionhadbeen
ropedoffforourreunion.

PalmPoliticswasastrangeblendoftropicalfrondsandthedécorofacourtoflaw.Onefreedomand

sunshine.Theotherprisonandshadow.Thebarwasthepodiumwherethejudgewouldsitandthebooths
dottedaroundwereaminioasisinaboardroomofwoodandstrobelightsentencing.

Goosebumpscoveredmyskin—partlyfromcoldandpartlyfromanxietyatfacingthesewomenagain

—especiallyinaplacesuchasthis.Whycouldn’titbeasimplebarwithnothemeormessage?

Ihatedanythingtodowithlawcourtsandpolice—itonlylayeredmyguiltwithmorerancidicingat

thethoughtofNameless.

I’dtried.I’dfailed.Ihadn’tgivenupbuteventheweeklyphonecallsImadetopoliceofficerswho

werekindenoughtoanswermyquestionshadnonews.

IfIwasaluckysleeperwhoenjoyedvibrantdreams,Imight’veconcludedhewasmerelymadeupof

fantasiesandheroism,boundtogetherbyimaginationmagic,andmadebrilliantbyadolescentdevotion.

Buthehadtohavebeenreal.
Istillhadthefaintestscaronmynapefromwheremysapphirestarhadbeenrippedaway,andIstill

enduredthefaintestseductionofchocolateonmylipswhenIwasblessedenoughtodozeinhisdream-
company.

Standinginthepaddlingpoolofpartiers,Idoubledmypromisetodomore.Totrackhimdown,no

matterthecost.

Startingtomorrow.
OrtonightifIcanleaveearly.
Myminordiscomfortatbeingwatchedbyleeringjudgesandglintingprisonbarsswitchedtomajor

annoyanceasGregappearedfromthecrowd,holdingaglassofchampagneandaginandtonic.

Myheartinstantlytobogganeddownacliffandshotofftheedgeindenial.
Oh,God,I’msostupid.
Ofcourse,Fleurhadn’tinvitedMr.Everett.
NooneknewI’dseenhimagain,andonlymyfatherknewwhat’dhappenedattheWeepingWillow.
Shehasnoclueheexists,sohowcouldIthinkshe’dinvitehimasmydate?
I’manidiot.
Shehadn’truinedmyaloofnessatrefusingMr.Everett’soffertotakemeout.Butshehadsentenced

metoendureaterribleevening.

Therewouldbenobanter.
Nosexybutterflies.
NothingbutobligationtoensureIremainedprofessional—soIdidn’thurtGreg,myfather,orSteve,

andcouldlookeveryoneintheeyeonMondaywithnoregretsordismay.

Itdidn’tmattermylifewouldbesomuchsimplerifIjustgaveintowhateveryonewanted.Butmy

heartwasstubbornanddidn’tfindGregromancematerialintheslightest.

“Hi,Elle.”Gregpassedmethechampagne.
Ididn’tevenlikechampagne.Ifhecaredformeasmuchashepretendedto,hewould’veremembered

thatfromalltheforceddinnerswe’denduredwithourfathers.

Thenightsuddenlylookedathousandtimesworse.
Imightbeabitchintheboardroom,butIwasn’tmean,andGreghaddroppedwhateverplanshehad

tobeherewithmejustbecauseFleurhadcalledhim.

Iwouldn’tbenasty.
ButIwouldn’tbeoverlygracious,either.
“Hello,Greg.”Isippedthecoldbubbles,hidingmygrimace.“It’sveryniceofyoutocomewithme.I

hopeFleurdidn’tinterruptyourevening.”

Hegrinned,swipingahandthroughhisdarkblondhairashisoverlywhiteteethcaughtthestrobe

lightglitteringabove.“Notatall.Whenshecalled,Icouldn’tbelievemyluck.Finally,anightoutjustthe
twoofus.”Heleanedinwithawink.“Awayfromthechaperones.”

Ihidmydistaste,forcingasmile.“Exactly.”
Heslottedhimselfbesidemeand,withoutaskingpermission,wrappedhisarmaroundmywaist.The

warmthofhisbareforearmtingledmyspineandnotinagoodway.He’dcometothiswearingawhitet-
shirtandblackjeans.Helookedhandsome,ofcourse—hewasagoodlookingguy—butcomparedtothe
gownIworeandthefineryFleurhadgracedmewith,Icameacrossasridiculouslyoverdressed.

Myheartplummetedevenfurtheroffthecliff,splatteringontheunforgivingterrainbelow.
Tonighthadslippedfromdisastertoannihilation.Chloewouldneverletmelivethisdownifthey

wereallinsemi-formalclothingandIappeareddressedlikeapromqueen.

Doesitmatter,though?
Mybraintriedtobematureandseethebiggerpicture.SowhatGregwasn’tinasuit—itwasn’tlife

ordeath.SowhatImightbeover-dressedandChloemightbethesamecowIremembered—noneofit
madeanydifferencetomytomorrow.Iwouldstillbeme.IwouldstillbeassafeandashappyasIwas
yesterday.

Bebrave,Elle.
Andthenleavewithdignity.
Straighteningmyshoulders,IsteppedoutofGreg’sembracebutimmediatelyloopedmyarmthrough

hisbeforehisfacecouldfall.

Squeezinghisbicepinthanks,Isaid,“Let’sgomingle,shallwe?”

*****

TwohoursIlasted.

TwohourswhereIwasnolongermebutabetterversionofme.Noellewasleftbehind,andElle

usedthesametechniquesfromdealingwithmentwiceheragetowieldmundaneconversationwithgirls
she’dlongsinceforgottenabout.

Therewaspotty-trainingchatswithMelanieandfakeoohingandahhingoverherone-year-old

Facebookpictures.TherewasbiologyclassreminiscingwithFrankie,pretendingIfeltthesameway
aboutourteacherMr.Bruston,andhowsexyhismustachehadbeen.

Yeah,notatall.
ThereweresnippetsofcattinessfromMariaandSaraaboutwhooughttohavegoneoutwithRollo

Smithinsummercamp,andtherequisitefondrecallingwithChloeaboutshoppinglateatnightand
runningriotthroughBelleEllewhenDadletussleepoverinthelady’swaredepartment.

ShecalledmeElletheDingDongBellonlytwice.
Buteachwaslikeaknifeinmyside.
Ididn’tletitshow.
Ididn’thintatvulnerabilityorletmyguarddown.
Greghadnocluehowhardthiswasforme.Hemerelyguffawedatthenicknameandpliedmewith

morechampagneIdidn’twant.

EverysingleconversationIputmyallinto.Ismiledandnoddedandlistened.Mycheekshurtfrom

fakegrinning,myfeetachedfromstanding,andmyexposedbackbecameextrasensitivetoeverything.
Myskinprickledwithminordraftsaspeoplemovedbehindme,warmpatchesaspeoplestoodcloseby,
andeventhetell-taletingleofpeoplestaringatme,itchingspotsonmyshoulderbladesastheireyes
becamefingersandstrokedme.

Outofthesixteenpeoplehere—eightwomenandeightmen—GregandIheldourown.Mydresshad

startedtheposhestofthemall,butasmorepeoplearrived,I’dsettledintoanarrayofchiffonandlace,
finallyacceptingthatFleurknewwhatshewasdoing.

Thedressdidn’ttakeawaymypower.Itgavemepower.Andforthefirsttime,Ibelievedinmyown

self-worthoutsideofBelleElle.ThatIcouldholdmyheadhighandnotbeafraidofjudgmentor
wrongdoing.ThatIwasmyownpersonandnotjustacogintheconglomeratemyfamilyhadcreated.My
worldwasjustasgoodasanyothers—ifnotbetter.

ThereliefinthatgavemeawellofkindnesstoforgetthatGreggotonmynerves,andIdidn’tturn

awayfromhistouchesofaffection.Iacceptedthreemoreglassesofchampagne,eventhoughtheroom
grewwarmandmyskinglowedwithbubblyheat.

Byhourtwo,mybladderhaddonealltheretainingofalcoholitcould,andIexcusedmyselftofind

therestroom.

Greggavemeakissonthecheek—whichIdidn’twipeawaybecausetheliquormadeeverythingthat

muchmoreacceptable—andlefttheroped-offareatomakemywaythroughtheclub.

Iguessedthetimewastenp.m.orso,butalready,theplacecrawledwithbodiesandtheauraofa

goodnightahead.

Findingthebathroom,IenteredandslammedtoastopasIcamefacetofacewithmyreflectionina

full-lengthmirror.

Whothehellisthatwoman?
Herbraidwasalittledisheveledwithcurlsfreeandsoftaroundherface.Herlipswerepuffyfrom

lickingdropletsofchampagnewithremnantsofpalepinklipstick.Hersmokyeyesrimmedbluethat
lookedfartoosatedandhappytobereal.

Ilooked...loose.
MylimbsmovedwitharelaxationIneverhadwhensober.Mymovementslessjerkyandsedate.
Beingtipsysuitsyou.
Irolledmyeyes,listingalittletotheleftastheroomswayed.
BeingtipsywasanewexperienceandoneIwouldn’toftendo.Thefalsecourageandintoxicating

bravadocouldscrewupmycarefulrules.

Gregsuddenlydidn’tseemsoannoying.Chloewasn’tsuchabadgirl.Andthethoughtofgoingto

worktomorrowwasataskIhadnointentionoffulfillingaslongasthebeatofabassytuneworked
throughmybones.

Wantingtoreturntotheparty,IquicklydidwhatIwastheretodoandwashedmyhands.Dryingmy

fingersonapapertowel,Irantheremainingdampnessovermyarmstocoolmyoverheatedskin.

I’dcometothisclubcold,andnow,Iwasburningup.
Somethingelsewasburningup,too.
Somethingthatnormallyonlycamealivearoundfewveryselectmales.Mybreastswereheavy,anda

tuggingsensationdeepinsidemybellydemandedanotherdrink—toletgoforonce.Tostopfightingand
letGregkissmebecausehewastheonlymalearoundwhoknewwhatIwasandwhoIhadtobe.He’d
beenraisedinthesameenvironment.

Sowhatheannoyedmemostofthetimeanddidn’tseemtotrulycareaboutmebutonlymylegacy?

Hewasaman.Iwasawoman.Itwastimetodosomethingaboutmylittleproblemandfigureouthowto
beasexualcreatureandnotanuntouchedvirginanylonger.

Stridingfromthebathroom,Iwalkedwithpurpose,brushingagainststrangersandenjoyingitforonce

ratherthancringingathavingnopersonalspace.Upahead,GreglaughedandtouchedChloe’swaist,
bendingtowhispersomethinginherear.Therestofthegroupmingledintwosandfours,chattingand
drinking.

Iknewthosepeople.
Ihadalife.
Iwasinvitedtopartywiththem.
Ihadfreedom,afterall.
Only,whateverfreedomIthoughtIhadjerkedtoastopasaman’sarmsnakedaroundmywaist,

yankingmeback.MylanguidnessfromchampagnemeantIfoldedneatlyintohisembrace,tooslowto
fight.

Hislipslandedonmyear.“Ifitwascoincidenceyesterday,ithastobefatetoday.”
Ifroze.
WhatevertipsinessIsufferedtripledashishandsroamedmyribcage,takinglibertieshewasn’tgiven,

rubbingthesoftsilkintomyskininwaysthatshouldbeillegal.

“Hello,Elle.”Hislipstracedfrommyeartomythroat,nudgingmybraidtogainbetteraccess.
Ishivered.

Mybodymelted—notfromhimbutthechampagne.Ithadtobethechampagne.Iwouldn’tallowitto

behim.

Suckinginabreath,Itoremyselffromhisembraceandswiveledtofacehim.
Hewasjustasdivine.Justascocky.Justasdangerous.
“Areyoustalkingme?”
Mr.Everettgrinned.“Iwouldn’tdare.”
Hestoodinagraysuitwiththecuffsofhisblazerandwhiteshirtpushedhalf-wayuphisforearms.

Howhemanagedtogetthematerialthathighoverhowmuscularhisarmswere,Ididn’tknow.Thestrobe
lightdecoratedhishair,makingitseemlightthendark,lightthendark.Theyinandyangofrightand
wrong—theglimpseofimperfectionsthatmadehimeternallyfrustrating.

“Afterall,whywastemytimewhentheuniversekeepsputtingyouinmypath?”
Mymouthwateredashisgazelockedontomylips.Ablackravenousnessfilledhiseyesthatanyhot-

bloodedfemaleunderstood—virginorpromiscuous.

“Idon’tbelieveit’stheuniverse.”Iblinked,forcingmyselftoclingbroken-nailtighttosanity.“Ithink

it’ssomesortofgameyou’replaying.”

Heloweredhisjaw,steppingcloseruntilourchestsbrushed.Mynipplestightenedembarrassingly

hard.Notwearingabrameantmyreactionwasnoticeablethroughtheburnishedgolddress.

Helickedhisbottomlip,hisgazedroppingtomybreaststhenbacktomymouth.“IfIwasplaying

something,areyouintriguedenoughtolearntherules?”

“Never.”
Hislipssmiledbuthisfacewastoxic.“Littleliar.”
Hishandcameup,tuckingawaywardcurlbehindmyear.Hisfingerscapturedthediamante

chandelierearringsIwore,tugginggently.“Ithinkyouarereadytoplaywithme,youjustdon’twantto
admitit.”Hebenthishead,breathingintomyear.“I’vebeenpatient,butImeantwhatIsaidtoyour
father.Icanmakeyoudothings,Elle.Thingsyouwanttodo.ThingsIwanttodo.Iparticularlyliked
whenyousaidyou’dgetonyourkneesandcallme,whatwasit?Oh,master?”

Ijerkedback,butwithhisfingersholdingmyearring,Idaren’tmovequicklyorfar.
Hebentforward.Histonguelickedmylobejustonce.
Alightningboltarchedfromhistonguetomybelly.Acrack.Afissure.AdeepcavernousacheI

needed,neededtofill.

“Onedate,”hemurmured.“That’sallI’masking.”
Thechampagneswitchedtomorepotentalcohol.HadItrulyhadfourglasses?Itfeltliketwelve.
Iswaminair.Iwobbledinheat.Iswayedashishandslockedaroundmyhips,draggingmeintohim.

Surroundedbypeopleyetallaloneinourlittlecosmos,herockedhiserectionintomystomach,grinding
histeethwiththesameangrydesirerampaginginmyblood.

Theroomspun.Ididmybesttokeepcontrol.“Idon’t—Idon’tevenlikeyou.”
“Idon’tlikeyou.”
“Then—”Heshockedmemuteashekissedmycheek,thenrewardedsuchsweetnesswithanastynip.
“Thenwhat?”hetaunted.“Finish,Elle.”
Myheadweighedmorethanthegalaxy.“Then...letmego.”
“Can’t.”Thetipofhistonguesoothedthepinchofpainfromhisteeth.
Can’t?
Myminddoggypaddledthroughsyrup.
Whycan’tyou?Isn’tmutualaffectionthefirstkeytounlockingpassionspadlock?
Hisfingersloopedaroundmythroat,fullofthreat,robustwithperil.“Likingeachotherdoesn’t

matter.”Hisfingersdugtighterintomyskin.“Whatmattersishowyoufeelaboutthis.”Heglanced

around,assessinghowpublicwewere,beforehishandswoopedbetweenusandcuppedbetweenmy
legs.

Theworldshottoastandstill.
Therewasnomoremusic.Nomoreclub.
Istoodinmudsothick,Icouldn’tmove.Myonlywayfreewasthisbastardandhewastheone

drowningme.

Everythinginsidemeclenchedthenstretchedthenmultipliedwithathousandscreaming‘mores.’
“Tellmetostop,andI’llstop.Tellmetoremovemyhand,andI’llremovemyhand.”Hisfingers

featheredoverme,rockinghispalmagainstmyclit;hisfingerspressingoverthetightlaceprotectingme.
“Butifyoutellmeyou’reallrightwiththis,ifyoutellmetokeepgoing,thenyouplaybymyrules.You
becomemineineveryfuckingsense.”

Ishiveredashisfingersprobedharder.I’dneverbeentouchedthatway—letaloneinacrowdedbar.
“I—Idon’tknow.”Wordswerethehardestthingintheworldtoform.“Idon’tknowwhattosay.”
“I’llhelpyou.”Hishandvanished.Hisbodyseparatedfrommineashegrabbedmywristand

draggedmeintothedarkhallwayofthebathrooms.Marchingpastthemen’sandwomen’s,hetuckedme
againstthewallandpressedmehardagainstit.

ThemomentIwastrapped,heputhisfullweightonme,grabbedmyleg,andhoisteditoverhiship.
Igaspedasherockedhiserectionagain,pressingdirectlywherehishandhadbeenonlyseconds

before.“Oh—”

“That’soneword.”Hisfaceflashedwithravendesire.“Sayafewmore.Agreetoplaywithme.”
Myheadwantedtorollbackandbreakawayashismouthfastenedagainstmythroat—kissing,biting,

sucking.Iwantednomorethoughts,nomoredosanddon’ts.NomorereasonswhythiswaswrongandI
neededtoenditbeforeIforgoteverything.

Myhandsautomaticallyflewtohishair,yankingonthesoftness,twiningmyfingersthroughhisthick,

healthystrands.Theexquisitefeelofhimjerkedmefromthemoment.Forasecond,I’dexpected
dreadlockedcurlsandchocolate.Ofsoftbeardsandurgentmoonlight.

Mybodyswelledbutmyheartshriveled.
Mr.EverettwasnotNameless.Yethewasthesecondmantoeverkissandtouchmeinsuchaway—

anaccoladeIdidn’tknowifhedeserved.

“Wait—Idon’tknowwhatyouwant.”
Hechuckledintomyneck.“Ithoughtitwasfuckingobvious.”Hethrustup,hisshoessqueakingalittle

onthehardwoodfloorasheslammedmeintothewallwithhispressure.“Iwanttofuckyou,Elle.”

Myinsidespuddledatthecrudeness.Myearsrangformoreevenwhilemylipscurledindisgust.
“Iwanttotakeyou,ownyou,controlyou.”Hisvoiceborderedonferal.“I’mnotgoingtolie.Icould

sayIwantedtodateandpretendtofallforyou.ButIwon’t.”

ConversationhelpedremindmeIwashumannotananimal.Ilatchedontowords.“So...youjustwant

sex?”

“WhatIwantistokissyou.”Hisheadcameup,hislipsglisteningfromsuckingmythroat.“Letmedo

that,thendecideontherest.”

Hehypnotizedme.Hecorruptedme.
Ibreathedfast.
Hesawasplit-secondanswer—ananswerIwishedIcouldretract—andhismouthdescendedon

mine.

Hislipsweresoftbutcommanding,tearingthroughmychastity,spearinghistonguepastmyteeth.
Imoanedashetookakissandturneditintosomethingelse.Heswitcheditintowaterandfireand

heatandchill.Hehoistedmeupthewalluntilthefloornolongerexisted,justair.Holdingmeupwithhis
hipsjammedagainstmine,hesearedourbodiestogether.

Andthen,itwasover.
Sharp,sweet,sudden...entirelysoul-destroying.
“Sayyes.”
“Yes?”
“Yestolettingmehaveyou.”Hisvoiceblistered.“Sayyesandyou’remineandwhatevercomesnext

ismychoice,notyours.You’llanswertome.I’lldowhateverthehellIwant.Sometimes,you’llhateme.
Othertimes,you’llbegratefulformyinterference.Mostofthetime,you’llprobablywanttokillme.”

Hekissedmeagain.“ButIcanpromiseyouifyousayyes,fuckI’llmakeyoufeelgood.I’llgiveyou

whatyou’vebeenlookingfor.I’llmakeyoufree.”

Thestreamofeloquencematchedhishard-edgedcharm.Hewaspretty.Toopretty.Soprettyit

maskedtheuglinesshiddeninside.Itmademeforgetthatthereweremorethingstoseekthanjustbeauty
—deeperthings.Thingshedidn’tpossess.

Inthathallway,inhisarms,Ididn’tcare.
IhatedthatIdidn’tcare.
Butthatwasthetruth.
Hemademeshallow.
“Elle?”Avoiceinterruptedourrapidbreathingandachingbodies.
Instantly,Mr.Everettletmefalltomyheels,backingawayandsubtlyarranginghisblazeroverthe

obviouserectioninhisslacks.Hiseyesneverleftmine,fullofpromisesandmenacingintimidation.

Igulped,lookingoverhisshoulderatthemanwho’dinterruptedwhateverthehellhadhappened.
Greg.
Smoothingmyhair,Isteppedforward.
Mr.Everettfellintorhythmwithme,crossinghisarmslikeasilentprotectorandaggressorallinone.
Greggloweredathim.“Whothehellareyou?”
Mr.Everettglancedatmewithawickedsmirk.Thatsmirkheldeverysentencehe’duttered.Every

commandanddescription.Hewantedme.Iwantedhim.Hedidn’tlikeme.Ididn’tlikehim.

Hatredturnedtofrenzy.
Aperfectdrugfordanger.
Everett’slipsmoved;hisvoiceworsethanthechampagnewithintoxication.“WhoamI,Elle?”
Mybloodquiveredtofinishwhathe’dstarted.Mybrainshort-circuitedtobypassthefactIwanted

himwhilehatinghim.Ifhecouldknockmesooffbalancewithjustakiss,whatcouldhedotomeinbed?

He’dmademeselfishaswellasshallow.
ButIcan’tsleepwithhim.
CouldI?
Ididn’tlikehim.Ididn’ttrusthim.Idefinitelydidn’tbelieveIcouldeverfallforhim.
Sowhat?
You’reoldenoughtohavesexwithnostrings.
He’sproventohaveaheartsomewhere.Hehasason.
He.Has.A.Son.
HecouldhaveawifeandbaggageandsomanyothermysteriesIcouldn’thopetosolve.Carnalgreed

couldnevertrumpsuchlaws.

Curlingmyhands,Ishookawaythefervourhe’ddazedmewith.
Itdidn’tmatterIwanted,needed,craved.Itwouldneverhappen...ifhewaswithanother.
Buthemightnotbe.
Areyousayingyou’dignoreeverythingelseandusehimifhe’ssingle?
Mynervesreturnedathousandfold.

WhenIdidn’treply,Mr.Everettpromptedme.“Answeryourfriend.TellhimwhoIamtoyou.”He

narrowedhiseyes.“AreweplayingorshallIwalkaway?”

Suchaninnocentquestionloadedwithsexualmistandunsatisfiedmisery.
Myfingersfelltomydress,strokingthematerial,seekingcomfortandanswers.
“Whatthefuckisgoingon,Elle?”Gregmarchedforward.
Icouldn’tbelievethechampagnehadmademethinkIcouldtoleratehim.AfterbeingkissedbyMr.

EverettandthenevenremotelyentertainingtheideaofdoingthesamewithGreg,Icouldn’timagineit.It
wouldbelikeseeingthemostspectacularsunsetonlytobetoldIhadtoliveinfogtherestofmylife.

“Onesecond,Greg.”Iheldupmyhand,testingthelocksandchainsaroundmysexualityasthey

quakedunderpressure.“Answeronequestion,Mr.Everett.ThenI’llgiveyouananswer.”

“Fine.”Aslygrindecoratedhishandsomeface.“Butrestassuredifyouranswerisyes,that’sthelast

timeyou’llcallmeMr.Everett.”

“Oh?”
HelookedtriumphantlyatGregashebenttowhisperinmyear.“You’llbescreamingmynameasI

stickmytongueinsideyou.You’llbesobbingmynameasImakeyoucomeoverandfuckingover.”

Istumbled.
Hishandgrabbedmyelbow,alowchuckleonhisbreath.“ThatnameisPenn.Youmightaswellget

usedtoitif,ofcourse,youransweriswhatIhope.”

“Elle,areyousick?”Gregcameforward,hiseyestryingtomurderMr.Everett...ImeanPenn.
Iwavedhimaway,flushedandnauseous,entirelytooskittishtobehemmedinbyanothermanafter

flashesofnakednessanddirtysexswarmedmymind.

“Yes,I’mfine.”IgnoringGregandgivingallmyattentiontoPenn,Iasked,“Myquestionis,areyou

withthemotherofyourchild?”

Penndidn’treply.
“What?”Greg’seyeswidened.“Notonlyareyoucheatingonmewiththisscumbaginanightclub

hallwaybuthe’scheatingonafamily?”Hethrewhishandsup.“Forfuck'ssake,Elle,Ithoughtyouwere
betterthanthat.Yourfatherbelievesyou’rebetterthanthat.Myfatherbelievesyou’rebetterthanthat.”

Isnarled,hatingthedisgustinhisvoiceeventhoughIhadn’tdoneanythingwrong.Notyet,atleast.If

thatwashowthosewhoknewmewouldlookatme,Iwantednothingtodowithwhateverkinkypleasure
Pennoffered.

ButitwasasifPennknewthat.
Hebroughtmeclose,whisperinginmyearagainasIkeptmyeyeslockedonGreg.“I’llansweryour

question,butI’llalsoanswertheotheryoujustthought.First,I’mnotmarriednorhaveIeverbeen.I’mas
singleasyouare.I’masconfinedasyouare.That’sallyouneedtoknow.Second,you’rerighttothink
peoplewilljudgeyou.ThemomentI’vebeeninsideyou,peoplewillknow.You’llbedifferent.You
won’tbeabletohelpit.Rumorswillstart.Friendswillchange.Futureloveinterestswillhateyou.”

Istiffened,buthepulledmecloser.“ButIwon’tletyoubesubjecttothoserumorsalone.Tellmeyes,

andItakecontrol.Youwon’thavetomakeanydecisionsortakeresponsibilityforwhatwedo.It’llall
beonme.”Histonguetracedtheshellofmyear,hiddenfromGregthankstomyfishtailbraid.“Giveme
thatword,Elle,andI’llshowyouexactlywhatImean.”

Istoodatthecrossroads,staringatGregandthefuturemyfatherwanted—theonewhereIstoodside

bysidewithamanwhoknewBelleEllethewayIdidandwouldhelprunthebusiness—whileastranger
heldmeandpressedhiscockagainstmyhip,blatantlyclaimingwhatwasn’thistoclaim.

Onewasalong-termchoice.Theotherashort-termadventure.
I’dhadenoughlong-termcommitmentsinmylife.Iwantedtobedifferent.Iwantedarumorortwo

becausethatwouldmeanIwasinterestingandnotpredictable.

Gregmademydecisionridiculouslyeasy.

Hecameforwardandgrabbedmyotherelbow,pullingmeawayfromPenn.“Elle,I’mwillingto

overlookwhateveryoujustdidwiththisbastard.You’redrunk.IknowIshouldneverhavegivenyouthat
champagne.Letmetakeyouhomewhereyoubelong.”

Home.
Inolongerwantedtobeathome.
Iwantedtobelostandcrazyandwild.
Iyankedmyarmfromhishold.“I’msorry,Greg.ButIshould’vetoldyou.”
“Tellmewhat?”
LockingmyeyesonPenn’s,Iwhispered,“Yes.Myanswerisyes.”Alittlelouder,Iadded,“Butit

doesn’tmeanIlikeyou.”

“Doesn’tmeanIlikeyou,either.”Pennsmiledfullofcreamandsharpnessandcalmlywrappedhis

armaroundmyshoulders,tuckingmeclose.

Together,wefacedGreg.
Ididn’tknowwhatIexpectedPenntodo,butitwashisturntobeincharge.Iwasinchargeona

minutebasisineveryaspectofmyworld.Ifhewantedtosharethatcontrolinafewareas,thenfine...be
myguest.

“Imustapologize,too.”Pennsmiledcoldly.“Weweren’treadytotellpeople,butIguessnowisas

goodatimeasany.”

“Tellpeoplewhat?”Greg’seyesfilledwithpanic,notatknowinghe’dlostmebutthathe’dlostany

chanceatowningBelleElle.Histruecolorsrevealed.

Reliefsiphonedthroughmetobefreeofwhatevertakeoverhe’dplanned.TofinallyseewhatI’d

suspectedallalong—thatIwasrighttobewaryofhim,smarttolistentothefaintwarningbellswhenever
hewasaround.

“TellthemthatElleandI...we’retogether.”
IflinchedalittleasPennkissedmycheek.StilluncomfortableandarousedandsoconfusedIhadno

ideaifthiswaswhatIwantedornot.

Toolatenow.
“Elleismine.Infact,I’mtakingherhomerightnow.Myhome.”Hepushedmeforward,deliberately

forcingGregtothesidesowecouldpass.“We’lljustsayourgoodbyestotheothers.”

GregsplutteredsomethingIdidn’thear.
IturnedtoPenn.“Whatdoyoumeantheothers?”
“Thereunionyou’reherewith.”
Howdoesheknowthat?
ItaddedtoalltheotherquestionsIhadabouthim.Alltheponderingsandwonderingsanditchy

uncertaintiesheinvoked.

WasitcoincidenceatBelleElleormanipulationthathe’dbeentherewhenI’ddonemyrounds?
Wasitluckhewasheretonightorcarefulplanning?
WouldanswerstothosequestionschangewhatIwasabouttodowithhim?
ThatwasonequestionIdidn’twantananswerto.
Myheartraced,alreadyoutofbreathwithwhatI’dagreedtoparticipatein.“Let’sjustgo.I’llcall

themtomorrowwithmyapologies.”

“Oh,sillygirl.”Helaughed.“Themomentyousaidyesallyourchoicesbecamevoid.Thisismy

gamenow.”

ChapterSeventeen

“YOUMUSTBEChloe.”

“Iam.”Thegirlwhotormentedmeinhighschoolsimpered,tossingherredhairlikeahigh-strung

model.Hergreendresscomplementedthetanshesaidshe’dearnedfromtheCaribbeanlastweek.Her
gazesankintoPennasifheweresomeprizetobewon.Aprizeshe’dverymuchliketotaste.

Pennpulledmetohisside,featheringhishandupanddownmyarm.Suchasimpletouch,butit

bruisedwithclaiminganddomination.

“Ibelieveyouknowmypartner,Elle.”Themasteryofhisvoiceanddamningsentencelockedmy

spineandmadeChloejolt.

“Wait,partner?”Sheblinked.“IthoughtshewaswithGreg.”ShegloweredatthewayPennfound

subtlewaysoftouchingme.Hereyesfoundmine,hotwithjealousy.

I’dneverseenthatgrislyemotiononherfacebefore.ShebelievedIwasbeneathhertoevercovert

whatIhad.

Nottonight,itseems.
Shesniffed.“Yougottwomennow,DingDongBell?Alittlegreedy,don’tyouthink?”Hergiggle

wasforcedandfake.

Foramoment,I’dbeenproudtoearnhercattiness.Pennwasthetypeofmananywomancould

appreciateanddesirewithhiscrispsuit,unreadableeyes,andaloofhandsomeness.

Butthatdamnnicknamestoleeverything,hurtlingmebacktotheschoolhallwaysasifI’dneverleft.I

wantedtosinkintothegroundandneverreappear.

IwaitedforPenntomockme,justasGreghad.Itensedforhimtosnickerandrollhiseyesatmy

misfortune.Buthestoodcoldandprimitive,avelvetpurrfallingfromhismouth.“That’san
unimaginativeslurtocallafriend,don’tyouthink?”

Chloefluffedherhair.“Oh,Elleknowsit’sinaffection.Don’tyou,Bellie?”
Ididn’trespond.
Penndid,though.“Unoriginalnicknamesareasignoflowintelligence.”Hissnarkcutthroughher

tartnesswithanaxe.“Andinanswertoyourcondescendingquestion...Elleonlyhasonepartner.Me.And
believeme,I’mallshe’lleverneed.”Hiseyessmoulderedwithdecadentchocolate.“I’llmakesureof
that.”

Hiscaressesturnedheavywithguarantee.Hedancedthelineofappropriateandwicked,deliberately

steppingoverittoantagonizethoseIhadnowishtoantagonize.

Iwasn’tpettyorprideful.
Iwantedtoleave.
Iopenedmymouthtoreply,butPennsqueezedme,keepingmesilent.Histouchwasahotpoker

controllingmeandmakingmewetinequalmeasure.

Theothergirlsfromschoolslowlylookedupfromtheirconversations,payingattentiontothetense

standoffwhiletryingtoappearuninterested.

Theydidn’tfoolPennormeashesmiledhissignaturesexysmirkandgrabbedmychin.Hislips

plantedonmineinabrutalkiss,markingme,consumingmeashistonguestolemyargumentsandhis
powerpinchedmyremainingbreath.

Hestupefiedme.

Hebewitchedme.
TheinstantIreleasedthetensioninmyspine,heletmego—asifhe’ddeliberatelykissedmetokeep

meoutofmyheadandinmybodywithhim.

“Areyougoingtotellthemthegoodnews,orshallI?”Hisauthoritativetoneblendedwithadark

flirt.

Iblinked.“Tellthemwhat?”
Iwasonestepbehind.
Icouldn’tcatchup.
I’dneverbeenthatwaybefore.I’dalwaysbeentheboss—alwaysleading.Ididn’tknowifIliked

beingafollower.

“Tellthemyou’vedecidedtoletmeownyou.”
“Wait,what?”Chloe’smouthhungopen.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
Ishookmyhead,rubbingthesuddengoosebumpsonmyarms.Pennsaidwewereplayingagame.Yet

Ididn’tknowtherulesorwhatwasexpected.Toverbalizeitinsuchcrudetermsinfrontofthebitches
frommypastwasn’tappropriate.

Myforeheadfurrowed.
HeansweredChloebeforeIcould.“Wemetafewdaysago,anditwasloveatfirstsight.”He

draggedmeclose.“IttooksomeconvincingbutEllehasagreedtogivemeachance.”Heglancedat
Chloe,fillinghisprettyfacewithardentsatisfaction.“Shesaidyes.”

“Yestowhat?”Frankieappeared,eyeingPennfromhisblackshoestohisfiveo’clockshadow.
“Yestomarryingme.”
Theworldscreechedtoahalt.
Wait...what?
“No,I—”Iflinched,tryingtotearmyselffromPenn’sembrace.
Heheldmetighter,hisfingerssinkinglikekeysintomyarms,turningalock,keepingmeboundtohim

anduseless.

Chloe’smouthhungwider.“Wow,Elle,Ineverknew—”
“Neverknewshewasthesexiestwomanalive?”Pennsnarledwithsuddenviciousness.“Neverknew

shewasoneoftherichestwomenalive?Neverknewthatshewastentimesthefuckingwomanyou’ll
everbe?”

Istoodstunned.
Whydidhefightforme?
Thiswastoomuch.Toofast.Tooscary.Toofaroutofmycomfortzone.
Yestomarryinghim?
Ineveragreedtothat.
I’dagreedtosex.
Stupid,silly,sensualsex.
Andnow,it’stimetosayno.
Itoremyselffromhisembrace,mybodyshaking.“Stop.That’snottrue.Don’tspreadsuchlies.”I

staredhelplesslyatChloewhosefacehadturnedsnowwhite.“I’msosorry.Ignorehim.Idon’tknow
what’sgottenintohim.We’veonlyjustgottogether.We’renotengaged.He’snot—”

“Whatmyfiancéehereistryingtosay—”Penninterrupted.“Isshe’stookind-heartedtorubher

successinyourfaceeventhoughyoudothesametoher.Idon’tneedtohearstoriesofwhatitwasliketo
growupwithyou.Iseeher,andIseeyou,andIunderstandtheshadowyoumadeherexistin.Butnot
anymore.”

Histeethflashedashesnarled.“I’mstealingherfromyounow.Fromallofyou.She’smine.Andit’s

asadlossthatyouneverfiguredoutwhatanincrediblecreatureyouhadunderyournosestheentire

time.”

Gregsidledup,hatestaresfiredatPenn.“Youdon’tknowjack,dipshit.ElleandIwereraised

together.Iknowherafuckloadbetterthanyoueverwill.”

“You’retheblindestofthemall.”Pennpointedathim.“Idon’tcarehowlongyou’veknowneach

other.Youfuckedup.”Helaughedlow.“You’llnevergetherbackbecauseshe’llneverbethesameonce
I’vehadher.”

Mycheeksturnedintoflamesofhell.Iduckedmychin,doingmybesttohide.Iwantedtheclubto

vanishandPenntodisintegrateintodust.

Wordsandcursestangledtospewathim,buthepulledmefromthecrowd,awayfromcringe-worthy

declarations,awayfromhighschooltrollsandwannabeboyfriends,andthroughthenightclubtothefresh
airoutside.

Imanagedafewgulpsofoxygenbeforeheyankedmedownthealleybetweenthenightclubanda

restaurantandslammedmeagainstthebrickwall.

Quicksilvermemoriesofanotheralleyandanothermantriedtotwistmypresentwithmypast.

Garbledcommands,rippedclothing,fistsflyinginthedark.

Namelessshotbrightintomythoughts.
Hisblackhoodie,hisclosed-offanswers,hismind-meltingkiss.
AndthenhistoryhadnopowerasPenn’slipscrashedovermineandhereplacedmyrememberedkiss

withasavageone.

Hekissedmeandthenhekissedme.
Eachswipeofhistongueblastedthroughmydecorum,draggingalivethesexualbeingwho’dnever

beenallowedtoevolve.

Hisrighthandbunchedmydressupmyleg.Mybraintriedtosplit—tofocusonthefoottrafficonlya

fewfeetawayandnotontheblisteringheatofhisfingertipsonmyinnerthigh.

Andthennothingelsematteredashistouchfoundmycore,pushingagainstmyunderwear.
Hedidn’taskpermission.
Hedidn’tpullbacktoseeifIwasokaywiththis.
Hemerelykissedmeandfingeredmeoverthelace.
AllIwantedtodowastoletgo.Totrustinthemagichecreatedinmybloodandallowhimtobeas

arrogantashewanted.Totakecharge.

ButIcouldn’t.
Icouldn’tlethimgetawaywithwhathe’dsaid.Hislies.HisverbalbashingtopeopleIhadto

conversewith.

Hewasfartoobrashanddaredevilformyworld.
Hismouthkeptworkingmine,draggingamoandeepfrommylungs.
IhadasecondbeforeIdrownedunderhispowerfulwaveandlostmyself.AsecondandthenIwould

begone,andIcouldn’tblameanyonebutmyself.

SoIbithim.
Myteethsankintohislip,notholdingbackasIdidtheonlythingIcouldtoslowthingsdownand

breathe.

Hestumbledbackward,holdinghisbottomlipwhereabeadofbloodwelled.“Fuck.”
Myribcageroseandfell.Isuckedingasps,givingintotheslighthysteriahe’dcaused.Iheldupa

shakyfinger.“Don’ttouchme.”

“Touchyou?Fuck,Iownyou.”
MybraidcaughtlikeVelcroonthebricksbehindmeasIshookmyhead.“No.Youdon’t.”
Hiseyesetchedwithblack.“Yousaidyes,remember?”
“Yestoabeneficialsexualrelationship.Nottodamnmarriage!”

“That’swhat’sgotyouafraid?Marriage?”Hechuckled“Ihavenointentionofmarryingyou.”
Ifrowned.“Thenwhylieaboutit?”
“Whynot?”Heshrugged.“Whydootherpeoplehavetoknowexactlywhatwedoandwhoweare?

Whydotheyhavetohearourtruthwhenthey’resofuckingfakethemselves?”

Ihatedthathehadapoint.
Heplacedahandonthebrickwallbymyhead,hisbodyswayingintomine.Ifhetouchedmeagain,I

doubtedI’dhavethewillpowertostophimforasecondtime.Myclitstillthrobbedfromhistouch,the
echoingbandsofreleaseaphantomcryinmyveins.

“Stayback.”
Heloweredhishead,atightsmileonhislips.“Fine.”Holdinghishandsupinsurrender,hekepthis

distancebutdidn’tmoveaway.“Whatwillittakeforyoutoletmetouchyouagain?”Hisvoicedropped
tosandandsleet.“BecauseIreallywanttotouchyouagain.”

Ishivered,doingmybesttokeepmythoughtsfocusedandnotonthemoltenheatinside.Havinghim

soclosedidn’thelp.He’dbeengorgeousintheclub—dappledinstrobesandpaintedinshadows—but
outhere;outherewherethevaguelightsofapartmentsandstreetlightsdidn’tdareenterthesanctityofthe
alley,hewascamouflagedindarkness.

Hisshouldersstrainedagainstthestitchesofhissuit.Hisforearmsropeyandtannedwithhiscuffs

pushedup.Hisentirebodyflexedashewavedahandwithfelinegrace,hidingthethrobbingtension
betweenus,pretendinghehadn’tjustfiredmylibidotothepointofexcruciation.

“I’mnotansweringanymoreofyourquestions,”Ihissed.“Whothehellareyou?Whatdoyouwant

fromme?”

Sighingheavily,hislipspouted,bloodsmearedalittletomakehimseempartvampire.“Youalready

knowwhatIwant.”

“Butwhoareyou?”
“I’msomeoneyoucanbefreewith.”
“Idon’tknowwhatthatmeans.”
“Itmeansyoudon’tneedtobeafraidofme.”
Iclaspedmyhandstogether,seekingcomfortfrommyself.Fightingwithastrangeman—evenone

who’dtouchedandkissedme—inadesertedalleywasn’texactlyencouraged.Onceagain,Nameless
cametomindandIcouldn’tstopcomparingthetwomen.

Namelesshadbeenthehero.
Pennwastheanti-Christ.
Onesaving,onedamning.
IknewwhichoneIpreferred.
Istoodfirminmyheels,lockingmylimbsfrombetrayingmylie.“I’mnotafraidofyou.”
Hecockedhishead.“Areyousureaboutthat?”
“I’mnotsureaboutanythinganymore.”
Heranahandthroughhishair,disruptingthestrandsintoamess.“Isn’tthatthepoint?”
“Stopansweringeverythingwithaquestion.”
“Fine.”Hestoodtall,hislegsspreadwithdominion.“Yousaidyestome.Iwon’tletyoutakethat

back.ButIwilltrytoeaseyourmind.”Hisfacetightenedasifthisgamehadhigherstakesforhimthanhe
leton.“I’llonlysaythisonce,solistencarefully.Iwilllietoothersaboutus.Iwillpaintapicturethat
isn’ttrue.IwillcurseandhurtanddowhateverIdamnwellwant,butyouhavemywordononething.”

Myvoicecarriedonahesitantwhisper.“Whatword?”
“ThatIwon’tlietoyou.Whatyouseefrommewillbethehonestfuckingtruth.I’llonlyhurtyouif

youwantmetohurtyou,andI’llprotectyouevenwhileIdoit.Givemeyourself,letmetakecontrol,and
Ipromiseyou,you’llenjoyit.”

Myheartonlyheardthewordhurtandenvisionedimagesofhimabusingme.“WhywouldIenjoyyou

hurtingme?”

“Theanswertothatquestionwillcomelater.It’samatterofshowingnottelling.”
Ipaused,suckinginanotherbreath.Myworldhadvanished,andIhadnowayofreturning.Once

againIstoodatafork,hiddeninadirtyalley.Unlikelasttime,whereI’dhadtobegNamelesstohelpme,
Pennhadtodoalltheconvincing.

Heshiftedinthedarkness,draggingmyattentionbacktohisheight,body,andundeniablecommand.

“Tellmeyourobjections.”

“Myobjections?”
“Yourobjectionstolettingmefuckyou.”
MymouthwateredbutIdidn’tswallow.Iwouldn’tshowanysignsofweakness.“Ihavetoomanyto

list.”

“Tryme.”Hecrossedhisarms.
Myeyeswantedtodroptotheground.Myfingerswantedtostrokemydresswithnerves.
Ididneitherofthosethings.ItreatedhimasIwouldanybossymanager,negotiatingourtermsfora

successfulbusinessdeal.“Ifindyouarrogantandrude.”

Whichmakesmewet.
Mynoseturnedup.“Idon’tlikeliars,andIdon’tlikemenwhothinktheycanuseme.”
EventhoughI’mcontemplatinggivingmyvirginitytoyou.
Herubbedhisjaw,hisgazedraggingovermeasifhecouldhearmysilentanswersandfocusedonly

onthose.“I’marrogantbecauseI’veearnedmysuccessthehardway.I’mrudebecauseIhavenotimefor
idiots.”Steppingforward,hehoveredoverme,pressingmeagainstthewallwithsheerwill.“You
alreadyknowIwon’tlietoyou.”

Hisheadcreptovermypersonalboundary,hisnosenuzzlingmyear.“AndIpromiseyou,I’lluseyou.

I’lluseyoueverymorningandnight.I’lluseyouonyourknees.I’lluseyoustrappedtomybed.Butwith
everyuse,you’llbegforanother.You’llbegme,Elle.”Hebitmyearring,tuggingituntilasharpboltof
painappeared.“That’swhatyoushouldbeafraidof.Nothingelse.”

Ipushedhimaway,takingagreedysteptowardthesidewalk.
Iwasn’tequippedforthis.Ineededtoeaseintosex,notbethrownheadfirstintodebauchery.“I’ve

changedmymind.Myanswerisno.”

Strongfingerswrappedaroundmywrist,yankingmeback.“Likefuckitis.”Hepressedmeagainst

thewallfacefirst.Hishandsclampedonmyhips,pullingmebacktomeethisashethrustup.

Imoaned,longandlow.AnoiseI’dnevermadebeforeandhadnoideawhereit’dcomefrom.
“Oh,Elle,you’realittleliaryourself.”Hetightenedhishold,grindingintome.“Isthatwhatyou

want?Seduction?Doyouneedtobeseducedtoletmeinsideyou?”Hebentoverme,hislipslandingon
myshoulderblade.“BecauseIcandothat.Icancoaxyou,orIcanforceyou.Icangiveyouanyfucking
fantasyyouwant.”

Hisvoicedarkenedtonightmares.“Youdon’thavetohidewithme.Youwantitrough—”Helooped

hishandaroundmynape,crushingmycheekintothebrickashisotherhandsliddownmybodyand
scoopedupmydress,upandupuntilhisfingersfoundmyinnerthighandaggressivelycuppedmycore.

MyheartexplodedthroughmyearsasintensityIneverthoughtexistedcamealivebeneathhisfingers.
Butthenheswitched.
Theviolenthungerinhistouchmeltedintogentlepetting.Hepulledmeawayfromthebrick,hugging

me,supportingmewhilehistonguelickedmyneckandhisfingersfeatheredsolightlyovermyclit.“Or
doyouwantitsoft?”

Ishudderedinhisarms,confusedwhenmybodyreactedmoretoangerratherthansweet.

“I’mattractedtoyou,Elle.IhavebeensinceIsawyou.Iknowyouwantmetoobecauserightnow,

myhandsareonyourpussy,andyou’resofuckingwet.”Withaharshbreath,hepushedasidemypanties,
runninghisfingeralongmybareness.

Hehissedinmyearasmyhipsrockedinvoluntarily.“Thereyougo.Stoplyingtoyourself.That’sthe

worstcrime.Tellmewhatyouwant.”

“Istilldon’tlikeyouenoughtotellyou.”
Hewasuttertemptation.
Beyondreasoningandcomprehension.Buthepissedmeoffashechuckledlowinmyear,taking

pleasureinmyundoingashepressedhisfingerintome.

Ilosttheabilitytostand.Thedeliciousthroatyechoofhislaughsentacoilofdesireshootingright

intomysoul.

Iclenchedaroundhisfingerashesankdeeper.
“Yourbodylikesmeenoughforyourmindandheart.”
MynervesheightenedtoamagnitudeIcouldn’twithstand.Histouch.Hiscontrol.Hismanipulation—

itmadehimmorethanhuman.

Ididn’tstandachance.
“Justsex...”Ipantedashefingeredme.
“Ifthat’swhatyouwant.”
“Justlust.”
“Somuchfuckinglust.”Histouchseemedtodoubleinsize,draggingheatandsharp,sharpneed.
Asinglefinger.
Itwastoomuch.
Itwasn’tenough.
Butmybody,afteryearsofneglectandbuild-upofcountlessnightsimaginingsuchathing,

surrenderedentirely.

PennsuckedinabreathasIallowedmyheadtofallbackoverhisshoulder,givinghimuttercontrol.

Heheldmeagainsthisbody,hisfingerneverceasing.

“Isthatanotheryes?”Hekissedmythroat,bitingitashisfingerthrustupward.“Tellmeit’safucking

yesbeforeIlosemygoddamnmind.”

Inodded.
Andthatwasit.
PennEverettvanished,replacedbyahunter.Spinningmearoundandshovingmeagainstthewall,he

kickedmyfeetopenanddrovehisfingerhigher.

Mymindpanickedthathewouldtakemeherelikethis.Myfirsttimewouldbeagainstadirtywall

outsideanightclub,butheprovedIwasrighttotrusthim.ThatIcouldgivehimpowereventhoughI’d
neverlikehim.ThatIwouldalwayshatehim,purelybecausehewasn’tNamelessandI’dclungtothe
ridiculousdelusionthatI’dfindhim,savehim,andfindahappily-ever-after.

Pennwastheharbingeroftruthinthatrespect.
I’dfailedNameless.Iwouldneverfindhim.Itwastimetoacceptthatandmoveon.
Startingwithsex.
“I’mgoingtomakeyoucome.”Pennbreathedintomyskin.“Andthen...you’regoinghome.We’llsave

myplaceforanothernight.”

Thebandsofmusclesinmycoreclenchedaroundhisfingerashepressedmyclitwithhisthumb.His

freehandgrabbedmyjaw,holdingmeprisonerwhilehekissedmesodamndeep.

Withhistongueinsidemymouthandhisfingermatchingthesamepulse,Iletithappen.
Ididn’tholdon.
Hedidn’tdragitout.

I’dalwaysbeensensitive—alwayshadanaughtyabilitytoseekpleasureinbanalsituations.I’d

stoppedblushingyearsagowhenIcrossedmylegsinameetingfilledwithstuffybusinessmenand
enjoyedthetingleofdesirejustfromtheseamofmyunderwear.I’dacceptedmybodyandhowhotlyit
ran,simmeringsweetly,readytooverflowintoclimaxwheneverIwanted.

Penndidn’tknowthat.
Heknewnothingaboutme.
Butsomehow,mybodyspoketohisandhistouchsoughtthosetriggersinside.
Hisfingerarchedup,hookinghard.
Holy...
Mymouthpoppedwide,shudderinginyeses.
Hegrinnedintriumph,knowinghe’dfoundonebuttontopunishmewithbuttherewerecountless

more.

Hiskissesturnedreckless.Hisfingersthrustingrightthere.
Therecipeturnedtentativesparksintofireworksandfireworksintodetonationsanddetonationsintoa

mushroomcloudofpurebliss.Theorgasmscurriedupmylegs,downmyspine,andconvenedinmycore
toexplodeinanavalancheofpleasure.

“Oh...God.”IsuckedinairasIdrowned,buthedidn’tgivemetimetobreathe.Hekissedme,sucked

onmytongue,andletmeridehishanduntilthefinalwaveofmyreleaseabated.

Slowly,hisbodypeeledawayfrommine.“Well,thatwasinteresting.”
Hislipsdisengaged,leavingmebruisedandstingingwhileherepositionedmyunderwearand

removedhistouch,lettingmydressslitherovermythighs.

Withoutanotherword,hepulledmeawayfromtheshadowstowardthebusypavement,caughttheeye

ofDavid,mydriver,who’dmiraculouslyappeared,andplacedmereverentlyintotheRangeRover.

ChapterEighteen

THENEXTDAY,Iwenttoworkasifnothinghadhappened.

AsifeverythingatthePalmPoliticswasafigmentofmyimagination.
AsifIhadn’tcomeorgivenPennanypartofmyself.
Istillhatedhim.
Butmybody...itwantsmore.
Fleurhandedmemymeetingminutes,andIperformedmydutyintwoconferencecallslikenormal.
Butnothingwasnormal.
Icouldn’tstopreplayingwhathadhappened.WherethehelldidPenngoafterhe’dtakenwhathe

wanted...orwasthatgiven?He’dgivenmeanorgasmwithoutexpectingoneinreturn.He’dsentmehome
ratherthankidnappedmetohisplace.

Hadhegonehome?
Hadhefoundsomeotherstupidwomantofallforhiscorruptedcharm?
IhatedthatIwondered.
Hewasnothingmorethansex.We’dagreedtothat.I’dbeentheonetostipulateit.
Sowhydoesitleaveasourtasteinmymouth?
Asthedayworeon,Iitchedtoresearchhim.Tofindoutwhohewas,whoStewiewastohim,who

themysteriousLarrywas.Whatdidhedoforwork?Wheredidhelive?Whathadhetoldmyfatherinthe
ginbar?

HeleftmewithmorequestionsthanNamelessdid.
Ididn’tknowhowtocontacthim.Ididn’tknowhowtotellanyonewhathadhappened.He’ddone

exactlywhathesaidandcontrolledmewithouttrying.

Bythetimetheafternoonrolledaround,myheartwasraggedfromfrettingandmyinsidestightand

jumpy.Icouldn’tstopimagininghowI’dnextbumpintohimandwhathewouldmakemedo.

WouldIsayyes?
WouldIsayno?
Wouldheevengivemeachoice?
Thosetwodaydreamscausedtwitchyanxietytoinfiltratemyblood.
Istaredblanklyatmycomputerscreen,dyingforadistractionfrombothworkandPennwhenFleur

stuckherheadintomyoffice.“Um,there’ssomeoneheretoseeyou.”

Instantly,mybodyscreamedyes.Allwhilemymindbellowedno.
Thenrationaletookover.
Itcan’tbe.
Howcouldhegainaccesstomybuilding?Whydidn’thecalltotellmehewascoming?Security

wouldn’tjustlethimupunlessI’dclearedhisname,whichIhadn’t.

Mylibidoleapedatthethoughtofhim,butself-preservationflippedintoCEOmode.Lastnighthad

beenterrifyinginbothgoodandterribleways.Hehadahabitofmakingmeforgetmyselfandspinning
liesIcouldn’tunscramble.

Icouldn’thavehimonmyturf.“TellhimI’mtoobusy.Eithertakehisphonenumber,andI’llcallhim

whenit’sconvenient,orhe’llhavetomakeanappointmentoffsite.”

Takethat,Penn.

“Doyouknowwhoitis?”Fleurasked,suspicionbrightonheradorable,pixyface.“Whyareyou

actingweird?”

“Weird?I’mnotweird.”
“Ididn’tsayyouwereweird.Isaidyou’reactingweird.”Shefiddledwithanorangebuttononher

burntsunshinedress.“What’shisname?”

“Who?”
“Themanyou’reavoiding.”
“Whosaid—”
“Spititout,Elle.”
Ichewedasmile.“PennEverett.”
Fleurinchedcloser,hereyeswide.“Didyoumeethimlastnightattheparty?Oh,Iknewyou

should'vegone.”Sheswooneddramatically.“Didheaskyouout?Wait,IthoughtGregwasyourdate?”

Ipretendedtoenterafewnumbersintomylaptop.“Imethimafewdaysbeforetheparty,butyes,we

confirmedanarrangementlastnight.”

Fleurjumpedupanddownlikeachild.“Anarrangement.Whatsort?Asexualsort?Lookatyou,you

sexyminx.Idemandyoutellmeeverything.”

“Notuntilyoutellhimtoleave.”Ipointedatmydoor,laughingalittleatherantics.“Infact,tellhim

I’mfartoobusyforthenextfouryears,andeventhoughmyanswerisyes,he’dbetterhavethepatienceof
asaintifhewantstoseemeagain.”

Let’sseehowhegetsaroundthat.
Hewantedtoplaygames.Well,Icouldmakeupafewrulesaswewent.
Shegiggled.“Whateverhedidtoyoulastnighthasdonewondersforyoursenseofhumor.”Moving

towardthedoor,shegrinned.“Finally,you’relearninghowtohavesomefun.”Shesalutedmebefore
vanishingoutthedoor.“Leaveittome.Considerinstigationwithanewloveinterestinprogress.”

Igroanedundermybreathassnippetsofmalevoicessoundedinthehallwaythenwerecutoffas

Fleurclosedthedoor,preventingmoreeavesdropping.

Iprobablyshouldn’thaveorderedhertotellPenntowaitfouryears.Whatifhetookitseriouslyand

left?Asmuchashispersonalityappalledme,thethoughtofhimleavingbeforedeliveringonhispromises
madememildlysick.

Hatingmyself,Ipushedawayfrommydeskandtiptoedtothedoor.Pressingagainstit,Istruggledto

followtheconversationontheotherside.

“YoumustbeSteveHobson?”
Thatvoice...itwasalreadysofamiliar—hardwiredtomybellyandgasolineforeveryhiddendesire.

Theslysmoothness;thecockydeepness.Itwasn’tfairhewashandsomeandspokelikearascallypoet.
Hemightnotbemarriagematerial,buthedefinitelydeliveredonfantasy.

Pennwasn’tmyfuture,buthecoulddoverywellformypresent.
Steve’svoiceflowedthroughmydoor.“Yes,Iam.I’mMr.Charlston’soldestfriendandcolleague.

Youare?”

Withoutanyhesitationandalotofsmugness,Pennsaid,“I’mElle’sfiancé.”
Mykneesgaveout.
What?!
IthoughtthatliewasjustforthegirlsatPalmPolitics.Hecouldn’tgospreadingsuchuntrutharound.

Myfatherwouldhear.

OhGod,Dad.
He’dbeelated.
Andthenhe’dbecrushedwhenIcalleditoff.

“Ah,yes.Myson,Greg,mentionedsomethingaboutanincidentlastnight,”Stevesaid.“Ithoughthe

wasexaggerating.”Thedisappointmentinhistonecrushedmelikealittlegirl.

“Ifiguredhe’dmentionit.”Penn’svoicedroppedtodeadlyseriousness.“I’mawareyoursonhas

feelingsformywife-to-be,sir,andIonlyhaverespectandregretthathedidn’tdeserveheraffection.But
restassured,ifhegetsinmyway,Iwon’ttolerateit.”

“Whatdoesthatmean?”Stevesnapped.
“ItmeansEllebelongstoyouinbusiness.Butshebelongstomeineverythingelse.”Histonelowered

possessively.“We’retogethernow,andnoonewillinterfere.Infact,I’mheretocollecther.It’stimefor
hertocomehome.Wehavelotsofthingstodotonight.”

Evenbehindthedoor,thesexualinnuendosreekedwithpromise.
Steveclearedhisthroat,nodoubtwonderingwhenIhadthetimetohookupwithacompletestranger

andwhyGregwasn’ttheonetakingmehome.“Isee.”

Mytummyclenchedathowforlornhesounded.
Ilikedtothinkitwaspurelyforwantingmetobehappyandbelievinghissonwastherightcandidate

forthejob,butsomepartbelievedhehadulteriormotives.He’dbeennothingbutloyaltothiscompany,
myfather,andme,butrunningabusinessforsolongthatwasn’tyoursmusttakeatoll.Possessionwasa
fundamentalhumanflaw.

“Youmustexcuseme;I’mlateforourdate.”Pennchuckled.“Asyouknow,Elleisstrictontime-

lines.”

Fleur’svoicepipedup.“I’mafraid,Mr.Everett,Ms.Charlstonhassaidshe’sbusyforthenextfour

years,andyou’llhavetomakeanappointment.”

“What?”Histonesnappedthroughthedoor.
Anervousgigglepercolatedinmychest.WhydidIwanttopisshimoff?I’dpayforitlater,nodoubt.
Shit,thiswasabadidea.
“WhyisMs.Charlstontellingyoutomakeanappointmentwhenyou’retellingmeyou’reherfiancé?”

Steveaskedsuspiciously.

“Nodisrespect,sir,butit’snoneofyourbusiness.”
Stevereplied,“Ithinkyou’llfinditis.Ellemeansagreatdealtoherfatherandme.She’sreally

steppedintohisshoesandtakenthecompanytoevengreaterheights.She’sfartoosuccessfulforherown
good,andthatmeanspariahsareouttherewhoseeherasaneasytargettohervastempire.”

Damnyou,Steve.
EveryonemadeitsoundasifIweresomeelusiveunicorntobehuntedandsnared.Iwasn’tspecialor

unique.Iwasblandandboring.Aworkaholicimprisonedsincebirth.

“I’mnotoneofthosepariahs,believeme,”Pennmuttered.“However,Ican’tsaythesameforyour

son.”

Oh,myGod.Didhetrulyjustsaythat?
“Excuseme?”Steveblurted.“MysonandElleareextremelyclose.It’sonlyamatteroftimebefore

theyprogressfromfriendstosomethingmore.Whateveryouthinkyouhavewithherisatbestasillyfling
andatworstafutureheartbreak.Butmarkmywords,Gregwillbetheretopickupthepiecesandmake
sureElleishappyandprotected.Idon’tforasecondbelieveinthismarriagebullshit.”

IhatedtheoptimisminhisvoicealongwiththevaguelyconcealedthreatforPenntobackaway.That

somehowSteve,eventhoughhe’dwatchedmeturnfromchildtowoman,stillbelievedhecontrolledme
enoughtodecidewhoIshouldsharemybodyandlifewith.

I’msurroundedbymanipulators.
“Thatwillneverhappen,”Pennsnapped.“AftertheinterestingconversationsI’vehadwithMs.

Charlston,Icansafelysaysheisn’tremotelyinterestedinyourson.”

Oh,no.Pleasesomeonestophim.

“Infact,shedistinctlysaidshedidn’twanttohaveathingtodowithhim.Shewantsme.Andshehas

me.JustlikeIhaveher.We’reengaged.”

StevemumbledsomethingIcouldn’thear.
Pennsaid,“Thatmaybe,butperhapsMs.Charlstonshouldbegiventhespacetodecidewhoshe

wantsinherbed.Currently,that’sme,asshole.”

Okay,that’sit.
Wrenchingmydooropen,Ibarreledintothewaitingroom.Thesoftfurnishingsandpottedtrees

couldn’tdistractmefrommyblisteringangertowardthetwomen.

“Onceagain,I’mshockedstupid.”Iclampedbothhandsonmyhips.“Steve,Iexpectedbetterofyou.”
Stevehadthedecencytolookdownwithhisfaceflushed.“Sorry,Elle.Iwasn’tsayingthatyouand

Gregweretogetherbuttryingtoprotectyourrighttodecide.”

“No,youweren’t.YouweretryingtokeepBelleElleinthefamily.YouandDadareeverythingtome,

andthat’swhyIwon’tholdagrudge,butifyoutrytopushmetogetherwithGregagain,I’llrefuseto
speaktoyou.Doyouunderstand?”

“ButGregreallylikesyou.”
“Don’tcare.Notinterested.”
Wow,thereliefinfinallyspeakingthetruthandnotworryingaboutotherpeople’sfeelingswas

immense.

“Helloagain,Elle.Doesthismeanyou’reavailableforourseconddatenowandnotinfouryears’

time?”Pennplantedhisfeetandsmirked.“Afterall,youjustadmittedyou’remoreinterestedinmethan
anyoneelse.”

Iturnedburningblueeyesonhim.“I’monlyinterestedinwatchingyoufalloffoneofourbuildings,

Mr.Everett.”

Hechuckled.“Oh,now.Don’tbelikethat.Ijustdidyouafavor.Oneofmany,Imightadd.Youno

longerhavetodealwithGreg.”Hefiddledwithacufflink.“Thatwasbecauseofme.Youoweme.”

“Idon’toweyouanything.Irevokemyyes.”Mynosetippedupward.“It’sbeenamendedtoa

resoundingno.Now,goaway.”

Ispunaroundandmarchedbackintomyoffice,slammingthedoorinhisface.ThesecondIwasaway

fromhim,Ikickedoffmyheelsandboltedintothebathroom.Grabbingthesink,Istaredatmyselfinthe
mirror.Hotpointsdancedonmycheeks,andwildinsanityreplacedmycalmcapableness.

WhatwasIthinkingbysayingyestothatman?
Ihatedthewayhemademybloodboil.Icouldn’tstandthewayhespreadrumorsandnone-truthson

mybehalf.NomansinceNamelesshadearnedareactionfromme—eitherinlikeorhate.Iwasn’tready
tofight.Ididn'thavetimetowelcomeattraction.

“God,thisisallamess.”
Hewasamistake,andoneIhadtofixrightawaybeforeherailroadedmylifeandruinedeverything.

Ifhedidn’ttakemynoasgospel,Iwouldcallthepolicetoinstatearestrainingorder.

Perhaps,Ishouldbecomeanun?ThenI’dneverhavetoworryaboutsexormarriage.
IcouldjustfocusonwhatIwasgoodat.
Business.
Splashingwateronmyface,Irubbedatthesmudgeofmascaraandtamedsomeoftheflyaways.

Feelingmildlynormal,Inoddedatmyreflection.AgreeingthatmyworkwasdoneforthedayandI’dgo
home,takeabath,andtrytoforgetaboutSteve,myfather,andmostofall,damnPenn.

Openingthebathroomdoor,IjoltedasthemanIwantedtothrowoutmywindowsatsmuglyonthe

couchfacingmybookshelvesofmagazineslistingourclothes,housewareawards,andcharityplaquesfor
ourworkwithselectedorganizations.

“Youagain!”

“Me.”Helookedmeupanddown.“Yougotyourshirtwet.”
Iglancedatthesheerwhitefabricthatwasnowsee-throughtotheduskypinkbraIworebeneathit.I

slappedahandovermychestandstalkedtowardmydesk.Mystompdidn’thavethesameeffectin
stockingedfeetasitwould’veinheels,butatleastIwasabletoshrugonacreamandblackpipingjacket
andhideabitofmydampcleavage.

Sageventuredoutfromundermydesk,baringherlittlefangsattheinterloper.
“IthoughtItoldyoutoleave.”Doingmybesttogetbackincontrol,Isnapped,“Besides,it’snota

shirt.It’sablouse.Ifyouweren’tsuchaNeanderthal,you’dknowthat.”

“WhywouldIknowthat?I’maguywhowearsguy’sclothing.Ihavenointerestinwomen’sunless

it’sonthefloorafterI’vetakenthemoffher.”

Iglowered.“Fascinatinginsightintoyourtruecharacter,Mr.Everett.”Ipointedatmydoor.“Asyou

weren’tinvitedintomyoffice,I’llkindlyaskyoutogo.Forthesecondtime.Andwhileyou’reatit,
retractyourlieaboutourupcomingnuptials.”

“Youlostthepowertotellmetoleavethemomentyousaidyes.”Henevertookhiseyesoffme.“It’s

toolatetochangeittoano.However,ifyou’resoincensed,thenhearmeoutandI’llgo...fornow.”

Imovedaroundmydesktostandinfrontofitandcrossedmyarms.“Hearwhat?I’msureIheardallI

neededto.You’reanegotisticalmaniacwhoIhavenointerestindoinganythingelsewith.”

“Yourbodytoldmeadifferentstorylastnight.”Hechuckled.“Andjusttoclarify,ifIwasn’tan

‘egotisticalmaniac’asyouputit,thenyou’dconsiderlettingmefuckyou...likeouroriginalagreement?”

Ifrowned.“What?”
Hestoodup,breachingthespacebetweenusuntilhestoodonlyafootaway.Myskinprickledas

goosebumpseruptedundermywetblouse.

Sagehissed,swattingtheairwithherclawsinwarning.
Penntooknonoticeofher.“I’msorry.”Hisfacedarkenedwithsincerity.“IknowIdidn’thavearight

totalkaboutyoulikeatrophytobewonfromyourfather.AndI’msorryforwarningMr.Hobsontokeep
hissonawayfromyou.”Hesmiledtightly.“IwouldsayIdidthatforyourbenefit,butreally,Ididitfor
me.”Hiseyesfellonmychest.“Idon’tdowellwithcompetition.”

“Well,yourrulesandjealousyarepointlessbecauseIhavenointentionofgoingtobedwithyou.”
“Lies,Elle.Ithoughtyou’dagreedwe’donlyhavetruthbetweenus.”
Hisdeep,headyaftershavestoleupmynose,tyingmythoughtsintoasinfulknot.
Ididn’treplyashedeletedtheremainingspacebetweenus.
Ileanedback,mybutthittingtheedgeofmydeskandmytummylockingintoplace.
“Youknow...Iworkinanoffice,too.Iknowhowlonelythesejobspacescanbe.”Helickedhislips.

“Ialsoknowhowfantasiescanspringfromnothing.”Hishandcreptforward.

Iflinched,expectinghimtotouchme.However,heplacedhispalmontheglasstable,hemmingmein

onbothsides.“Tellme,Ms.Charlston.Haveyoueverhadsexinhere?”

Ifroze.“Excuseme?”
Hisgazehooded.“Hasanyonebentyouoveryourdeskandfuckedyou?Stolenyourpowerandused

itagainstyou?”

Ishivereduncontrollably.MymouthurgedtoscreamforFleurtohelp.Washethreateningtotakeme?

Hereinmyoffice?

Ishovedhim.
Hestumbledbackward,ablacklookdrippingoverhisfeatures.Heshookhishead,dispellingthe

clouds,onceagainsettlingintococky.“Itakethatasano.”

Forasplitsecond,Irememberedthewordsfromtheassholeswhohurtmeinthealley.‘Haveyou

everbeenfuckedoveryourdesk,officegirl?Evergivenabossablowjobforapromotion?’

Itwasn’tanunusualconcept.

Iwassuremanypeoplehaddonejustthatandhadlotsoffundoingit.ButIneverhad.AndIwouldn’t

today—notwithPennoranyoneelsewhothreatenedmysafetyandposition.Especiallywhenchillyice
replacedmyblood,strugglingtoseparatethatnightinthealleyandtodaywithPenn.

ThewayhewatchedmewastooclosetotheguyintheBaseballCap—toointense,toofocusedon

somethinghecouldn’thavebutwouldhappilytakeanyway.

“Leave,Mr.Everett.”
“ItoldyoutocallmePenn.”
Icockedmychin.“Fine.Leave,Penn.”
“Notuntilyouagreetodinnerwithme.”
“Never.”
“Neveristoolongtowait.”Heglowered.“Andbesides,we’vealreadyagreedonthegroundrules.

Youwanttofuckme.Iwanttofuckyou.Playinghardtogetisonlymakingmewanttodothatsooner
ratherthanlater.”

“No.”
“Nowhat?
“Notoeverything.Itoldyou,Ichangedmymind.”
“Why?”
“BecauseIsaidso.”
Helickedhislips.“Yes,butwhy?Whychangeyourmindafterwhathappenedlastnight?Fromwhat

yourfathersaid,youworktoomuch,youhavenofriends,andyouseverelylackfuninyourlife.”

Myheartsank.“Hesaidthat?”
“Ireadbetweenthelines.”
“Wellreadbetweenmylines.N-O.Spellsno.I’mtoobusytoplaywithyou.”
“IsaidIwassorry.”
Istiffened,tryingtosniffhisnewgame.“Goon.”
Heshrugged.Eventhatwassexy,dammit.“Ishouldn’thaveputwordsintoyourmouth.It’suptoyou

todecideifyouwantpeopletoknowaboutus.”Helookedupbeneathhisbrow.“Andtheonlywayyou
candecidethatisifyougoonadatewithme.”

Iopenedmymouthtoargue,butheinterrupted—anotherhabitheseemedtohave.“Don’tanswerfor

yourselfrightnow.Answerforyourselfinfiveyears’time.Wheredoyouseeyourself?Hereinthis
officedoingtheexactsamethingwiththeexactsameunhappiness?”

God,Ihopenot.
“Ordoyouwanttoseeifyoucouldhavethisandmore?Workandplay?Loveandobligation?”
Myeyesshotdaggers.“YouthinkIcouldloveyou?”
“Ithinkyoucouldhavefunwithme.”
“Ithinkotherwise.”
Hegrinned.“That’swhatthisisabout.Toseeifouropinionslineup.”
“AreyougoingtoleaveifIsaynoagain?”
“Nope.”Hecamecloser.“I’lljustkeepshowingupatreallyinconvenienttimesuntilyousayyes.”

Hisaftershavedruggedmeagain.“Choosetheeasieroption,Ms.Charlston.Letmehaveyou.It’stheonly
wayforward.”

“Whatwillyoudotome?”
Instantly,myofficethickenedwithsexualtension.
Mybreathhitchedashiseyesdriftedtomymouth.
Hisvoiceloweredtoscorchingcharcoal.“AnythingIdamnwellwant.”Hishandcuppedmycheek,

holdingmetight.“I’llstripyou,tasteyou,devouryou.I’lleat,lick,andbiteyou.Andonlyonceyou’re
beggingwillIfuckyou.”

Mybodyflushedashotasthesun,asbrightasVenus,asuntouchedasPluto.
Ishovedhimawayandstalkedtotheexit.AllIwantedtodowasdarehimtotryit.Tofightandclaw

andlethimsubduemebecause,holyhell,hemadeitsounddelicious.Buttheotherpart—thevanishing
part—wasafraidoflosingherself.

Sexwastoopowerful.
Sexshouldbedonebetweentwopeoplewholikedeachotherandnotacouplewithnothingin

common.

Iclearedmythroatandmymind.Iclungtocommonsense.“IsuggestyouleavebeforeIkneeyouin

placesaladyshouldneverkneeaman.”

Hehuntedme,bringingwithhimcyclonesfulloflust.“Ifyouwanttotouchthatpartofme,Iwould

preferitwaswithsomethingsofterthanyourknee.”Hechasedme,onceagaincorrallingmeagainsta
hardsurface.

Thistimethedoor.
“Yourhandwouldwork.”Hecuppedmywrist,slippinghisfingersthroughmine.“Yourhandis

welcome.”Hiseyesturnedjetblackwithneed.“Icouldcomefromyourhandalone.”

Ifoughtmyshiverbutcouldn’tstopthegoosebumpsdartingupmyarms.Histouchwaspossessivebut

soft.Strongbutcoaxing.

Hisfingerssqueezedmineasheswayedcloser.“Orifyoudidn’twanttousethatpartofyour

anatomy,yourmouthwoulddoequallywell.”Helickedhisbottomlip.“Infact,Iwantboth.”

“Never.”
“Never?”Hesmiled.“Don’tlie.”Hishandcreptupmyarmtomyshoulder,addingpressureuntilmy

kneesthreatenedtobuckle.“Let’sseehowsoonneveris,shallwe?”Hekissedmesweetly.“Ifingered
youuntilyoucamelastnight.Theleastyoucandoisblowme.”

Ilikethethoughtofyougivingmeablowjob.Getheronherknees.
Therapistsandalleystolethepresent,hurtlingmebackbeforeNamelesshadfoundme.Beforehe

hurtthemforhurtingme.Beforehepreventedmylifefromtumblingintoruin.

WhydidPenncauseflashbacksthatI’dsuccessfullyputbehindme?
Whydidheawakesharpinstincts?
Andwhywerethoseinstinctsscrambledbetweentrustandmistrust,unabletoseethetruthhidingin

hislies?

Myofficereturned.Thealleydisappeared.Pennwasstillthere.Hispressureonmyshoulderstronger,

pesteringmetofallintoservitudebeforehim.

Ibreathedhard.“Youexpectmetowrapmylipsaroundyourcock?Here?Now?Inmyoffice?”
Henodded.“Absolutely.”Hefistedmyhairwithoutwarning,tiltingmyheadtoattackmythroatwith

hismouthandteeth.“Here,you’regod.Here,you’reincharge.Itturnsmethefuckonknowingyou’rethe
onewithallthepower,yetyou’reconsideringgettingonyourkneestoserveme.”

Ittookeveryounceofwillpower,everybravedenial,butImanagedtountanglemyfingersfromhis

andtearmyneckfromhiskisses.“Toobadforyou,you’llhavetoremainturnedon.Ihavenointentionof
doingsuchathing.”

“Whatareyouafraidof?”Hiseyesnarrowed.“Youknowthisisagame.Youunderstandtherules.”
“Idon’tunderstandanyofthis.”
“Therulesaresex.Mutuallyenjoyedsex.Despitewhatyouthink,youlikebeingtoldwhattodo.”He

gatheredmeclose,inhalingmyperfume.“Givemetwominutes.Twominutestocommandyou,andifyou
don’tlikeit,I’llwalkaway.”

Myheartbeatcrazy.“Twominutes?”
Hebithislip,nodding.“Youhavemyword.”
“Ifyoubreakit,I’mturningyouintoaeunuchwithasharpkick.”

Hechuckled,steppingbackandspreadinghisthighs.“ThereareworstthingsIcanimaginethanyour

legbetweenmine.”Hiseyesweredarkasnightmares.“Butfornow,getonyourfuckingknees.”

Getheronherknees.
Asimilarcommandhadtornmeapart.Thethoughtofsuckingstrangemeninanalleygrotesque.

However,thiscommandturnedmychestintoafurnace,charringmyhearttodust.

Ididn’tknowwhathappenedtomybrain.
Ididn’tunderstandhowhatecouldbesuchanaphrodisiac.
ButhecircumnavigatedtheCEO.Hespoketosomeprimitivepartofme.
Iwantedtotellhimtoleave.
IwantedtoproveIhadmorerespectthanthat.
YetIsankdownthedoortomyknees.
Sagewatchedmeasifallherrespectformeasherhumanevaporated.
Damncat.
Pennshuddered,lookingpartmonster,partangel.“Shit,youmakemehardwhenyouobey.”Hisgaze

fellonmybreasts.“Nowthatyou’replaying,we’regoingtodoalittleshowandtell.”

Beforeweshowyouours,youhavetoshowusyours.
Thealley.
Iwasbackthereagain.
Huddledinpain,graspingatdignity.
Istayedsilent,doingmybesttostayalivewhilemyhearttriedtoslamthroughmyribs.
Thepastandfutureweremerelytwodimensionsseparatedfromeachotherbythepresent.YetIlived

inneither.Iexistedinthegluebridgingthemtogether,somehowallowingthreeyearsagotoaffecttoday.

IwantedNamelesstobargeintomyworldandrescuemeforthesecondtime.
Penn’shandsfelltohisbelt,pushingasidethetailsofhismidnightblazer,andundoingtheleather

slowly.“I’mgoingtoshowyouwhatyoudotome,Elle.Butinreturn,Iwanttoseeyou.”

Let’sseewhatyourtitsarelike.
Igulped.
Hemorphedintooneofthosebastards,flickeringwithAdidassymbolsandexpensivesuits.Henever

lookedawayashepulledthebelt,unthreadingitandlettingithangintheloops.“Unbuttonyourshirt.”

Forcingmyselftoshedthememoriesandfocusentirelyonhim,Ilatchedontothemostidioticthing

I’deveruttered.“It’sablouse.”

“Idon’tcare.”Hisgrowlechoedthroughmycore.“Unbuttonit.”
Myhandsshookbutslowlyconnectedwiththepearlbuttonsandhesitantlyundidone.
Thiswasnow.Pennwasnow.Namelesswasyesterday.
IttookmoreeffortthanIcouldafford,butIshutthedooronthepastandslottedfirmlybackintothe

present.

“Thenext.”Penntrembledashelockedhishandsonthebuttonofhiswaistband.Thecrispcream

shirtanddarkjeansheworemadehimuntouchableyetsonormal.

Ipoppedthenextbutton,breathinghardandquick.
Hefollowed,undoinghisandpullingonhiszipper.
Withoutwaitingforhiscommand,Iundidbuttonsthreethenfour;myeyeslockedonhishandsashe

pulledhiszipperdownanddown.

Whenmyblousehungundone,andhiszipperhadnowhereelsetogo,oureyesmet.
Ourlipsparted;mirroredimagesofdesire.
“Openit.”Hisvoicehadlosttheplayfulkinkfrombefore,slippingstraightintoserioussmut.“Letme

seeyou.”

WithbraveryIdidn’tknowIhad,Ipushedmyblouseawayfrommybreasts,revealingtheduskypink

bra.

Hegroaned,hishanddisappearingintohisjeans.
Mystomachclenchedsohard,sodeep,Ibentoveralittleinsurprise.
Hislipstwisted.“Doyoulikethat?”Hesqueezedhimself,histhighstighteningbeneaththedenim.

“DoyoulikeknowingI’mthishardallbecauseofyou?ThatIhaven’tbeenthishardinyears.ThatallI
canthinkaboutisstickingthisineveryplaceyou’llletme.”

Oh.My.God.
Iswaminheat.Idrownedinliquid.Iwassowetmypantiesweresoaked.
“Pullyourbradown,andI’llshowyoumore.”
Myfingershookedonthefrontcupsofmybraashislatchedaroundhisjeansandleveredthemalittle

offhiships.Neverlookingaway,objectifyingbothofusbyonlywatchingourbodiesandnotoursouls,
hereachedintohistightblackboxer-briefsandpulledouthiscock.

MycorespasmedasIswallowedhardandpulledmybradown,revealingmypebblednipplesand

heavyglobesoffleshthathadlongsincebeenneglected.

“Fuck,Elle.”Hishandgraspedhislonglength.Theheadglowedwithdarkerflesh,adroplet

glisteningontop.Veinsrandownthesides,bulgingwithdesire—thesamedesirethrobbinginmyclit.

AllIcouldsee...allIcouldthinkabout...wassex.
Mylegspartedalittleasmyhipsbecamelooseandwanting.Anemptinessechoedinsideme,

becomingmoreandmorecavernousthelongerIstaredathim.

“Doyouwantthis?”hemurmured,hisfaceblackwithlust.
Therewasnobanterorconnection.Whateverrespectwehadforeachotherwastarnishedbytheway

Istaredupwithhimstandingovermewithhiscockinhishand.Itoughttobedegrading,butIfounda
differentsortofpoweronmyknees.Thewayhepanted.Thewayhishipsrockedwithasubtleswayeven
hewasn’tawareof.

Wenolongerlivedintherealworldbutsex,sex,sex.
Inoddedjustonce,lickingmylips.
“Jesus,Elle.”Hisheadfellforwardashesqueezedthetip.“Sayitoutloud.Doyouwantmycock?”
Ididn’tcareifanyonewasoutsidemydooreavesdropping.Ididn’tcarethatIshouldstopthisand

throwhimfrommyoffice.

Iembracedtheriverflowinginsidemeandwhispered,“Yes.”
“Where?Wheredoyouwantit?”
Somanyplaces.
Somanyforeign,wonderfulready-to-beexploredplaces.
Butfirst,theonehewanted.Theonehe’dhintedat,andthereasonIwasonmyknees.“Mymouth.”
Hegroan-growledashesteppedforward.Hisshoeshitmyknees,hisheighttoweringovermewith

hiscockspearedfromhisangryfist.“Suckitthen.”

MybreastsachedwithpainI’dneverexperienced.
Isattalleronmyknees.
Ireachedforward.
Myfingerssoclosetoclaiminghim.
Butthenhesteppedback,tuckinghiserectionaway,shakingwithneedanddiscipline.Hedidn’tdoup

hisbeltorzipper,butheflashedasilverwatchonhiswrist.“Yourtwominutesareup.”

Thesexualtrancehe’dputmeintoshattered.
Ishiveredwithsuddencoldandyankedupmybraindisgrace.Grabbingthesidesofmyblouse,I

huddledbeforeshootinguprightwithragesobright,sobrilliant,Iwantedtoriphimintopieces.

“That’sit?”Isnarled.“Wasthatallastupidgametoyou?Aploytoshowmethatyoucanmakemedo

whatyouwant,afterall?”Aheavygatheringsatbetweenmylegs,throbbingtobetouched.Desperatefor
arelease.

“Iwantedtobesuretherewerenolies.YousawhowmuchIwantyou.Isawhowmuchyouwant

me.”Hekepthisdistance,refusingtotouchme.“Nexttime,Iwon’tacceptyourbullshit.”

“Nexttime?!Youthinkthere’llbeanexttime?Thiswastheonlytime,andyoujusthumiliatedme.”
“Yes,well,youalmostmademecomejustbylickingyourfuckinglips.”
Iopenedmymouthtoretort,butangrytearscreptupmyspine.Thelustinmyblooderodedmyself-

control.Spinningaround,Igrabbedthedoorknobandyanked.Ididn’tcarehistrouserswereundone.I
didn’tcaremyblousewasopen.Iwantedhimgone.Iwanteditnow.

Hishandslammedagainstthewood,shovingitbackintotheframewithaloudsmack.Hisbodyheat

pressedagainstme,theteethofhisopenzipperdiggingintomypinstripeskirt.

“Youthinkyoucanleave?Ididn’tsayyoucould.”
“Letmego.”
Hishandspressedflatagainstthedoor,cagingme.
Sagemeowedloudly,attemptingtojoinmybattletomakehimleave.
Icouldn’tthinkwithhimsoclose.Icouldonlyfeel.AndbyGod,Icouldfeel.Everything.Hisbreath

onmynape,hischestrisingandfallingagainstmyspine.Andhiscocktwitchingagainstmyass.

Thedominationandpowerofhiswillweretangiblethings,suffocatingmeunderhiscommand.

Everythingoutsideofhimandmeceasedtoexist.Myentirebodybeggedforwhateverhewoulddonext
evenwhilemymindbellowedatmetoscream.

Whateverexistedbetweenuswasvisceral,indescribable,completelyimprisoning.
“I’llneverletyougo.NotuntilI’mthroughwithyou.”Hislipslandedonthetopofmyshoulder.

“Turnaround,Elle.”

Mybodyshudderedinanoverwhelmingwaveofarousal.Iwasn’tsupposedtolikethis.Iwasn’t

supposedtogetwetunderhiscruel,commandingtone.Hisbodyheatedwithhungeranddemand,
draggingurgesfromdeepinsideme.UrgesIcouldnolongerdeny.

Iwantedhim.
AndIdidn’tknowhowtohandlethat.
Irefusedtoturn.Sadnessinterferedwithmydesire,scramblingmeupinside.“Ican’tdothiswith

you.I’mnotequipped.”

Hislipscaressedmyhair.“Youcan.You’redoingitrightnow.”
“ButIdon’tknowwhatcomesnext.I—I—”
“Youdo.Youknowexactlywhatcomesnext.”Hishandsplayedovermystomach,pullingmeback

intohiships.Hiscockwasbig,hard,andsohot.“Thisgoesinsideyou.Itmakesallthatconfusionand
emptinessvanish.”

Ispuninhisarms.
“How?Nothinghasthatpower.”
“Trustme.”Hisfingerslatchedaroundmythroat,pinningmeagainstthedoor.Hefellforward,

wedginghisentirelengthalongmine.Aligninghiscocktomyclit,hethrust.

Theactionwassocrude,sobasicinmating,Imoaned.
“Wrapyourlegsaroundmyhips.”
ShiftingmyskirthighsoIcouldspreadmylegs,Ijumpedanddidexactlywhathetoldme,mybody

takingcontrol.

Hegruntedashecaughtmyweightbeforecrushingmeagainstthedooragain.“We’rebothgoingto

come.We’regoingtodoittogether.Andwe’renotgoingtooverthinkitorruinitbyrefusingwhatour
bodiessofuckingdesperatelyneed,gotit?”

Ihadnootherchoice.
Inodded.
Ididn’tknowifhemeantheplannedtotakemeagainstmydoororifhe’dusehisfingersorexpected

mymouthbutallquestionsdiedlikeflightlessbirdsthemomenthethrustagain.

Reachingbetweenus,hepulleddownhistrousers,freeinghimselfandwedginghisnakedcock

againstmypanty-coveredpussy.

Withmylegsaroundhiswaist,hishardnesslinedupperfectlyagainsteveryinchofme.
“Christ,you’resoaked.”Helookeddown.“Soon,I’mgoingtoseeeveryinchofyou,Elle,butfor

now,youowemeanorgasm.”

Confusionhitme.Sohemeanttokeepthetinypieceofcottonandlacebetweenus?Thatwewould

grindandcomebutnotconsummate?

Hisjawclenched,hismessyhairtumblingoverhisforehead.Hisbicepsbulgedfromholdingmeas

hecurvedintome.“Kissme.”Hisvoicewashoarse.

Igaveupmyquestionsanddenialandtippedmyheadup.
Hegroaned,capturingmymouthwithhis.Hislipswerefirmandwarm.Hispressuretheperfect

accompaniment.Histonguedivedinside,tastingme,fightingmewithdeeplicks.

Andthen,hemoved.
Slowanddeep,thrustinghislonglengthagainstmywetpanties,grindingintomeatexactlytheright

spot.Hishandsdroppedtomyass,tighteningandpinchingwitheachrock,drivingmeinsane.

Hedidn’tattempttoenterme.Heremainedontheoutskirts,keepingcottonasourprisonguard,letting

temptationbeourmistress.

Ilosttrackofeverythingashiskissessweptmeawayandhishipskeptmeanchoredtohimandonly

him.Idistantlynoticedmyhandsswoopeduptocapturehisfaceandhair.Tuggingandyanking,Idirected
himtokissmeharder,thrustfaster—deepeningtheconnectionbetweenus.

Hegrowledintothekiss,histongueturningintoalashingwhipashisbodymovedfasterovermine,

ignitingelectricityandchemistryandfire.Thepoundingofhisheartbeatechoedintomeasweclawed
andclung,climbingandclimbing,desperatelyseekingthepleasurejustoutofreach.

“Fuck,Iwantyou.”Hethrustharder.“Ican’tstop.”Cuppingmyass,heangledmeinjusttheright

way.Myclitspindledwiththebeginningsofanorgasm.

Ipressedtightagainsthim,awareofeveryhardintoxicatingpieceofhisbody.
Hisfacecontorted.“Jesus,I’mgoingtocome.”
Myskinmistedwithsweat,blisteringwithsensitivity.Penn’shandslidupmythigh,grabbingmeso

hardIshiveredwithamixtureoffearandabandon.

AlowrumblevibratedinhischestashispaceincreasedandIclutchedhimtight.Ourteethclacked

togetherasourkissturnedsloppy,ourbodiesturnedmanic,andtheorgasmteasinguseruptedintobeing.

Isplitintwo.
Imeltedintoapuddle.
Waveafterwave,Ishudderedinhisarms,cringingandcryingashiscockkeptmeflyingfartoohigh.I

wasvaguelyawareofhisheadfallingback,hisfingernailsbreakingmyskinandtheshotofstickinesson
myinnerthigh.

Evensated,mybodystillstrainedtogetcloser,toincreaseourcontactuntilhewasinsideme,notjust

touchingme.

Ididn’tknowwhoshookmore—himorme.
Loweringhishead,hisfaceblankandeyesdazedfromhisrelease,heclaimedmymouthagainwitha

threadofviolenceIhungeredfor.HedrankmeasIdrankhim.Wegroanedtogetherasherockedslower
thistime,highlightingsoreextremities,encouragingfinaltinglestoremain.

Thensomeoneknockedonthedoor.

Shatteringourmoment.
Remindingusweweren’talone.

ChapterNineteen

“ELLE,AREYOUfreeforaquickchat?”

IfrozeinPenn’sarmsasDad’svoicedeletedanysexualheat,slammingmebackintoagirlwhohad

noright,none,toactthewayIjustdid.

“Shit,”Ihissedundermybreath.
TheknobturnedbesidemyhipwherePennstillwedgedmeagainstthedoor.Hiseyesnarrowedashe

grabbedit,preventingitfromunlatching.

“Answerhim,”hegrowledlow.“Tellhimtoleave.”
“Elle?Areyouinthere?”Theknockcameagain.
Myracingheartmadeithardtospeak.“Yeah,Dad,Iam.Just—it’sabadtime.Canyoucomeback

later?”

Aslightpausefollowedbyahuffed,“Thisisimportant.I’dratherwehaveaquicktalknow.”
Everynightmarehadcometrue.
“Uh,okay.Just—”
Pennsteppedback,lettingmylegsslidefromhishipstoplacemeonthefloor.ThemomentIwas

standing,heletmego,hastilytuckinghiscockintohisjeansandyankinguphisbelt.Hegavemealook
sovillainoushestolemybreath.

“Justgivemeaminute!”Myhandsflewtomyhipstopullmyskirtdown,butPennstoppedmewitha

slightcurveinhislips.

Hisfingersmearedsomethingstickyandcoolonmyinnerthigh.Hisvoicedidn’tbreakamurmur.

“You’reabouttohaveaconversationwithyourfatherwhilemycumisdryingonyourskin.”Hesmiled
ruthlessly.“Ithinkit’ssafetosayyou’reminenow.”

Icouldn’ttalktohimaboutcumorsex.Notwithmyfatheronlyafewfeetaway.Shovinghimback,I

wrenchedmyskirtdown,hastilydidupmyblouse,anddraggedmyhandsthroughmywildhair.

EyeingPenn,who’dtuckedinhisshirtandbuttonedhisblazer,Ididn’taskifhewasreadybefore

jerkingthedoorwideandsmilingsofakeandbig,IwassureIhadsexwrittenallovermyface.“Dad!
Hownicetoseeyou.”

Heflinched,lookingmeupanddowninsurprise.“That’squiteawelcome,Elle.”Hisgazeslidpast

metoPennstandinginthemiddleofmyoffice,arespectfuldistanceawayfromme.“Ah,soStevewasn’t
lying.”

Strollingintomyoffice,myfathersniffed.“Cansomeonepleaseexplaintomewhatisgoingon?I’ve

heardrumorsofanengagement?”Heturnedtome,hurtblazinginhiseyes.“Elle?”

Oh,no.
IfiredharpoonsatPennbeforestridingforwardtositonthecouch,needingtogetoffmyfeetbefore

mykneesgaveway.Sageimmediatelyhoppedontomylap,reprimandingmewithherbeadylittlegaze.
“It’snotwhatyouthink.”

“NotwhatIthink?”Dadstrodeforward,nevertakinghisattentionoffPenn.“Waitaminute.Iknow

you.”

Pennclearedhisthroat,holdinghishandoutinintroduction.“We’vealreadymet.AttheWeeping—”

“Willow,yes.I’mold,butI’mnotsenile,”Dadgrumbled,shakingPenn’sgripbeforelettinggoand

marchingtomydeskwhereheleanedagainsttheedgewithhisarmscrossed.

Justlikethat,hestolethepositionofauthority,doinghisbesttomanipulatemeeventhoughhe

probablywasn’tawarehe’dslippedintoparentalmode.

Allmylife,he’ddonethis.Asubtleposture,aminorheadtilt.Ilovedhim,andhelovedme—andI

knewhe’dneverdoanythingtohurtme—buthedidcontrolmeasmuchwithdisappointmentashedid
withaffection.

“Iwasn’tsayingyouwere.”Pennstraightenedhisshoulders,hisgazelandingonmythighwhere

beneathmyskirttheremnantsofhisorgasmslickedandcoatedmylegs.

Theurgetocringewasstrong.Iwasn’tusedtohavingsuchthingsleftonmybodyafterdoing

somethingnotexactlypermittedinanoffice.Buttherewasanotherurgetoo...slightlybolderthanthefirst.
TheurgetodemandPenngotonhiskneesforachangeandwipeitoff.

Theimageofhimbowedbeforemeknottedmyinsides,eventhoughIknewitwouldneverhappen.He

wastooincontroltoeverletmebosshim.

“Well,someonehadbetterstarttalkingbeforeIcallsecurity.”Dadnarrowedhiseyesatme.“You

hatedthisguyafewnightsago,Elle.Youthrewyourdrinkinhisface.WhatthehelldidImissthathe’s
notonlypermittedintoourbuilding,butIhearfromGregandStevethatyou’reengaged.”Herubbedat
hischest.“I’mhurtthatIfoundoutthatway.I’mevenmorehurtthatmyowndaughtermisledme.”

PanicgatheredasIworriedabouthisheart.Whywasherubbinghischest?ShouldIcalladoctor?I

wantedtomollycoddlehimbutworriedthatifIchangedthesubjecttohealthratherthanclarifythis
massivemisunderstanding,I’dbeinalotmoretrouble.

Igatheredmyhairovermyshoulder,twistingitintoarope.“Youdon’thaveanyreasontobehurt,

Dad.It’sallabigmistake.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”
IstrokedSage’swarmfur.“Imeanwe’renotengag—”
“Shemeansweweregoingtoaskyourpermission,butunfortunately,sir,mypossessivenaturecame

outlastnightwhenGregimpliedIwasn’tgoodenoughforyourdaughter.”Pennstrodetowardmeand
tookthespotbesidemeonthecouch.

Sagestiffenedbutdidn’ttrytokillhimforbeingsoclose.
Smoothly,likehe’drehearsedthisverymoment,hecapturedmyhand,broughtittohislips,andkissed

myknuckles.“I’mawareElleandMr.Robson’ssonhavebeenraisedtogetherwiththeunderstandingof
onedaymarrying,butthatisnolongeranoption.”

Dad’smouthhungopen.“Itisn’t?Why?”
Penngavemeaslysmile,drippingwithintrigueandfalsehoods.“Because,withyourblessing,of

course,IwishtomarryNoelle.”

Igroaned,hangingmyhead.“Hedoesn’tmeanthat,Dad.It’sagame—”
Pennsilencedmewithaquickpinchtomyhand.“Sheisn’tfullyawarehowIfeelaboutheryet.She

believesI’mridiculoustowanttomarryherwhenwe’veonlyjustmet,butsheisn’tanoldromanticlike
weare,isshe,sir?”Hegrinnedatmyfather,baitinghimwiththetastyhookguaranteedtosparkhis
interest.

Dadsnappeditup,baitandsinker.“Youbelieveinloveatfirstsight?”
Pennleanedbackintothecouch,draggingmewithhim,imprisoningmewithhisarmovermy

shoulders.Themovewasrelaxed,buthisbodyhummedwithtensionIcouldn’tdecipher.“Absolutely.
Themomentyoumentionedheratthebar,shesoundedlikemytypeofwoman.”Heturnedpiercing
truthlesseyestome.“AndtheinstantIsawher,themomentshegavemeavodkashower,Iknew.”His
freehandnudgedmychinwithsharpknuckles,guidingmylipstohis.

Sageleapedoffmylapandtoreundermydesk.

Itriedtopullaway.
IhadnointentionofkissinghimwithDadpresent.Butjustlikealltheothertimes,hegavemeno

choice.Hismouthcaressedminewithchasteaffection—theperfectrecipeoftruthandbesottedaffection
tohoodwinkmyfather.

Ihatedhimforthat.
Idespisedthewayheliedtomylastremainingfleshandblood.
Tearingmylipsfromhis,Itriedtostand,togotomyfatherandexplainthiswasallabig

misunderstandingandnottolistentohim.

Butitwastoolate.
Myfatherhadlostthesuspiciousglint,hisbodynolongertightwithprotection.Hishearthadflown

backtoahappiertimewhenhemetmymotherandfellassoverheadatfirstsight.

Hisfaceglowed.“Youmeanthisisreal?”HeglancedbetweenPennandme.“Thisisn’taprank?All

thatanimosityatthestart,Elle,youwerejustoverlypassionate?”Hechuckled.“Irememberyourmother
hadthattenaciousstreak.She’dswatmefornoreasononlotsofoccasions.”Hisvoicegrewwistful.“I
missthat.”

“You’vegotitallwrong.It’snottru—”Istarted.
“It’sveryreal,”Pennmurmured.“I’vefallenforher,andI’vealreadyclaimedher.Ihopeyoudon’t

mind.”

“Mind?”Myfatherleapedupright,smackinghishandstogether.“I’mecstatic.TothinkEllefinallyhas

apartnertoleanon.Amanwhocomeswithhisownsuccesstoensurehersisn’ttakenadvantageof.”

Temperpercolated.HespokeasifIweresomedamselwhoneededprotectionfrombigbadogres

ratherthanaverycapablebusinesswoman.

ButIcouldn’tfaulthimforbeingsoenamoredwiththeideathatIwouldbeashappyashewaswith

Mom.Ijustwisheditweretrue.DadandIverysimilarbutinmattersofsensibilityversusdream-world,I
hadnotoleranceformake-believeanymore.

I’dtrustedthatcrazysparkwithNameless.I’dbeggedmyfathertohelpmeturnthecityupsidedown

andturfoutthetruth.I’dcriedmyselftosleepmoretimesthanIcouldrememberwishingDadwouldbe
morehelpfulinfindingtheonemanwhomademefeelsoalive,somyself,sotrueineverysense.

Buthe’drefused.
Sure,he’dhelpedatthestart.He’dgonewithmetothelocalprisonsandstoodbesidemewhileI

garbledabouthoodiesandbeardsandalley-rescue.Buthispatience,thatnormallyhadnobounds,was
tightandshortlived.

I’dfinallygottenhimtoadmithisreluctanceonenightwhenI’dthreatenedtosellmysharesinBelle

Elleandstepdownifhekeptroad-blockingmetofindNameless.

Allithadtakenwastwosentencestoseehowstubbornhewas.Istillremembereditclearascrystal:

“I’veindulgedyouforlongenough,Elle.It’stimeyouforgotaboutthatboyandmovedon.”Hisface
hadlostitsjoviallove,slippingintosternness.“He’sacriminal.IfyouthinkI’dletmycompanybe
co-runbysomeonewitharecord,youdon’tknowourcodeofethicsverywell.”

Andthat...well,thathadbeentheendofmyquestandthemomentofmeswitchingchildhoodfor

adulthood.I’dseensomethingpureinNamelessbutmyfatheronlysawwhatsocietycalledhim.

EvenifIhadfoundhim,Iwouldneverhavebeenallowedtobakehimblueberrypancakesorlethim

sleepsafeintheguestroom.Myfather,forallhiskindness,actuallyhadaflaw.Andithurtmemorethan
Icouldeversay.

SadnesscrushedmeasDadrushedoverandpumpedPenn’shand.“Congratulations.I’msohappyfor

bothofyou.”Tearsglistenedinhiseyesashedraggedmefromthecouchandbearhuggedme.“Bell
Button,I’mso—I’m—wordscan’tdescribehowmuchthismeanstome.Toknowyou’llbecherishedand
adoredandnolongerbealonewhenI’mgone.”

Hisarmsbandedsodamntight,mylungshadnospacetoexpand.
Ipattedhisback,torninpiecesaboutdoingtherightthingandtellinghimrightawayorlettingthelie

snowballandendupkillinghimwhenthetruthcameout.Ialsonursedthethree-yearhurtthathe’d
approvedPennjustbecausehecamefromwealthandsuccess(whichIhadyettofindoutabout)and
didn’thavearecord.Hewasacceptable.Namelesswasnot.

Asmuchasitwouldkillmetodestroyhissuddenelation,Icouldn’tdoit.Icouldn’tlethimbelieve

I’dchosenthedreamhehadforme.ThiswasPenn’sfault,notmine.Myfather’spainwouldcomefrom
theassholewhothoughthecouldlietomyfatherandnotbereprimanded.

“Dad,canItalktoyou.Inprivate?”Ishotaglareovermyshoulder.“Theengagementisn’twhatyou

think.PennandIaren’ttrulygettingmarried.”

“What?”Hepulledaway,hisfacefallingintoruin.“ButIthought—”
“She’sbeingcautious,sir.”Pennstoodandjoinedourhuddle.“Shedoesn’tbelieveinloveatfirst

sight.ShethinksI’mtryingtohurtyouwithlies.”Hegrinnedcoldly.“Whatshedoesn’tunderstandisa
manlikemeneedsassurancesbeforeIfullyinvestmyself.Ineedheragreementonmarriageinorderto
fullyopenmyselfandrevealeverythingIhavetooffer.”Heshookhisheadsadly,completelyignoringme,
andcontinuedtalkingtothehopelessromanticofmyfather.“I’msureyouunderstand.Afterall,youlook
likeamanwhohaslivedwithabrokenheartformanyyears.”Histonesoftened,butbeneathitlurked
glitteringsteel.“Yourdaughterhasthepowertobreak,notjustmyheart,butmyworld.Isitsowrongof
metowantherhandinmarriagenow,soIcanbebraveenoughtoshowhereverythingIcan?”

Irolledmyeyes.“Thatisaloadofutterbull—”
“Itmakesperfectsense.”Myfatherhuggedmeclose.“Elle,I’msoproudofyouandhowmature

you’rebeingaboutallthis.I’mawareyou’remorecynicalthanIamwhenitcomestolovebutseeingyou
withhim—itmakesmeso,sohappy.”

Onlybecauseyoubelievehe’sgoodforBelleElle.Thathe’sunsulliedwithgossipormisdoings—

unlikeanother.

I’dhadenough.Mytempersnapped.“I’mnotgoingtomarryhim,Dad.Bothofyoustopthischarade

rightnow.”

Pennglowered,hidinghisglareasmydadlaughed.“Yousaythatnow.”Hetappedmycheeklikea

child.“Iknowwhenthereisconnectionandchemistry.Andyoutwohaveitinspades.”

Hebackedtowardthedoor.“Infact,I’mgoingtoleaveyouinpeace,butyouhavemyblessing.Both

ofyou.”HeglancedatPenn.“I’mgladwehadthatchatatthebar.Iknowabitaboutyou,Mr.Everett,so
you’renotatotalstranger.However,whenyougetachance,howaboutaroundofgolforabeertopatch
upanyremainingholesinmyknowledge?Eventually,I’dlovetomeetyourbenefactorandanyother
familyyoumighthave.”

“Ofcourse.”Pennbowedhisheadwithold-fashionedrespect.“Atthesoonestopportunity.”He

grabbedmyhand,holdingmetight.“Andplease,callmePenn.”

WhatwouldDadsaywhenhefoundoutPennhadason?
WhatwouldIsaywhenIfoundoutwhatPenndidforalivingandwhymyfathervaluedhissuccess

sohighly?

Whatwouldanyofussaywhenthetruthcameout,andthiswasover?
Myfatheropenedmyofficedoor,beamingsobrightIthoughthe’dswallowedastar.“Allrightthen,

Penn.”Hechuckled.“Well,Penn,playyourcardsright,andsoon,I’llbecallingyouson-in-law.”
Blowingmeakiss,headded,“Welcometothefamily,son.”

Iwavedlikearobotashedisappearedandclosedthedoor.
Heleft.
Ilostit.
WhirlingonPenn,Ihissed,“Getout.Rightnow.”

Hegrabbedmycheeks,yankingmyfacetohis.Hislipscollidedhardandbrutal,histonguelashing

mineintosubmission.

Ididn’tfallforhisseductionthistime.Shovinghim,Idartedaroundmydeskandpressedtheintercom

toFleur.

SheansweredrightawayasPennstalkedme,comingcloserwithashadowedlookinhisgaze.
“AnythingIcangetyou?”Fleur’svoicehelpedremindmetheworldhadn’tsteppedintothetwilight

zone,andIwasstillthequeenofthisestablishment.

Sagestoodproudlyonmydesk,givingPennanevilcat-smile,knowinghewasintrouble.
Straighteningmyshouldersanddrawingupeveryounceofcourage,Isnipped.“Yes,callsecurity.My

fiancéneedshelpleavingthebuilding.”

ChapterTwenty

IMANAGEDTOavoidmyhusband-to-beforthreedays.

Hecalledtheoffice.
Hesomehowgotmycellphonenumber.
Healreadyhadmyfatheronhisside.
Andhe’dcorruptedmybodyagainstme.
Buthehadn’tsucceededincontrollingmymind,andhedefinitelyhadn’tmasteredmyheart.
Iwasweakwherehewasconcerned,Iwouldadmitthat.Andhe’ddrawnmeintohisuntruthstothe

pointIcouldn’tlookmyfatherintheeyeandtellhimitwasallabigfabrication.

Hewastoohappy.Hisskinwasrosier,hiswalkbouncier,andhisoutlookonlifechirpier.Fears

abouthisheartandanotherattackkeptmefromshatteringhishappiness.

Fornow,I’dlethimbelievePennandIweretogether.ButonceI’dearnedwhatIwantedfromhim

andwasnolongeravirginwithcommitmentissues,Iwouldbreakitoff,endthefakeengagement,andgo
onwithmylife.

Whoknew,perhapsIwouldsurpriseeveryoneandacceptGregasmyfuturepartnerbecauseatleast

hewasnormalandpredictable.IcouldhavemyflingwithdangerandthenappreciateGregallthemore.

Everyoneusedeveryoneelse.Ididn’tletguilteatatmeforusingPenn—especiallywhenhewasthe

oneusingmejustasmuch.

“We’rehere,Ms.Charlston.Wouldyoulikemetowait,ordoyoubelievethemeetingwilllasta

while?”Davidtwistedinthedriver’sseattofacemesittingintheback.

Myhairhungneatlyovermyshoulder,myblackskirtwithcreamlacebeltandChineseblossom

jacketpaintedmeastheleaderofthelargestretailchainintheUSA.

Iclutchedthefolderonmylap.“ThelasttimeImetwiththissupplier,Ididn’tleaveforfourhours.”
“Iremember.”Davidgrinned.“Ialsorecallyoutextingmeapologeticallysayingyouwouldn’tbe

muchlonger.”

Inodded.IwasyoungerthenandlessadeptatoffsitemeetingsandtheguiltatleavingDavidwaiting

inacarforsolong.Thatwashisjob—alongwithothertasks,butIdidn’texpecthimtobeboredor
uncomfortable.

“Ifyouhaveerrandsyou’dliketorun,feelfree.I’llcallthirtyminutesbeforeit’sduetoendtogive

youtimetoreturn.”

“Areyousure?”Hislargebulktwistedfurtherintheseat.“Ifyouthinkit’sonlygoingtobeashort

meeting,I’llwait.”

Ishookmyhead.“I’dratherknowyouwerebusythanbored.”
Hisebonyskinbouncedthestreetlightoffhisforeheadashelaughed.“Sure.Well,I’llhavemyphone,

andI’llkeepaneyeonthetime.IfIhaven’theardfromyoubytenp.m.,I’llheadbackanyway.”

“Okay.”Hoistingthefilesintomyarmandgrabbingmyhandbag,IletmyselfoutoftheRangeRover

andsmiledatthedoormenwhobidmewelcometotheBlueRabbit.

I’deatenherebefore.Thetapasmenuservedsecond-to-nonedelicacieswithdelectablesamplers.

NotthatI’dbeenabletoeatverymuchbecauselasttimehadbeenabusinessmeeting,justliketonight.

Mostofmysocialengagements,minusthelast-minutehighschoolget-togethers,werewithbigwigs

fromothercompanies,improvingourrelationshipsorbuildingonalreadyestablishedtradeagreements.

Stuffingmyfacewithsalmoncrostiniorrisottoballswasn’texactlycorrectetiquette.
Stridingincreamheels,Iapproachedthemaître-d.“Hello,I’mlookingfortheLovelineparty?”
“Ah,yes.Rightthisway.”Theheadwaiternoddedandguidedmeintotherestaurant,aroundquaint

tablesandbigtablestoalargeoneatthebackoftheroomwhereitwasquieter.Bluevelvetdrapeshung
onthewallswhilethesaltandpeppershakerswereintheshapeofcutebunnies.

Nearingthetable,JenniferStarkstoodupandwaitedwithherhandoutstretched.“Helloagain,Ms.

Charlston.”

Ishookherhandwarmly.“Please,callmeElle.”
“Ellethen.”Lettingmego,shesatbackdownwhilemotioningtothethreeotherdinersaroundthe

table.“ThisisBai,Andrew,andYumaekofromthemerchandisingandproductiondepartmentsin
Shenzhen.”

“Hello.”Inoddedpolitely.
Settlingintothelastremainingseat,Iglancedoncearoundtherestaurant,afraidthatjustliketheother

timesI’dbeeninpublic,Pennmightshowup.Heseemedtohaveaknackforfindingme.

Jenniferleapedstraightintoitwhiletwowaitersbroughtwaterandanarrayofstarterstothetable.

“Asyouknow,Lovelineisanup-and-cominglabelwe’rehopingwillfindanichemarketatBelleElle.”

Iopenedmyfolderandpulledoutmyvoicerecorder.I’dlongsincestoppedtryingtotakenotes.This

wayFleurcouldtypeuptheimportantpointswhenIheadedintotheofficetomorrow.

“CanyoutellmeabitaboutwhatLovelinewillconsistof?”
Jennifersmiledshylyatherco-workersbeforereachingintoherbagandpullingoutapamphlet.She

keptitface-down,passingitoverthewhitetablecloth.“Theworldismuchmoreopenaboutsexuality
thesedays,andwebelievecapitalizingonthisopennessisaprimeopportunity,especiallywithmore
eroticliteratureandmoviesinthemainstreammarket.”

Iturnedtheleafletoverandpromptlyslappeditagainstmychest,sotheyoungwaitressdidn’tseethe

giantglitterydildoonthefront.“You’reproposingsextoys?Inamajordepartmentstore?”

“We’reproposingtoysforadultsinaprivateroomlocatedwithinthelingeriedepartment,yes.”
Mycheeksburned.
UpuntilPenncameintomylife,Ihadn’thadtodealwithsexatall.Now,mydreamsweresaturated

inskinandpanting.Mydaysconsumedwithkissingandthrusting.Andnow,Ihadtotalkaboutdildos
beingsoldunderourbrand.

“I’mnotsosurethat’sappropriate.”
Jennifergrinned,herredhairtiedinaneatbunonthetopofherhead.“Ithoughtyou’dsaythat,soI

broughtthelatestnumbersfromMarkSacsinAustralia,whorecentlyintroducedtheLovelinetotheir
departmentstoreswithrecord-breakingsuccess.”Sheslidanotherpamphlettowardme,onlythistime,
thenumbersandgraphsweren’tsorisqué.

MyeyeswidenedasIglancedatthefigures.“Wow,that’simpressive.”
“TheentirestockoftwohundredSeahorsesandthreehundredHummingbirdsweresoldinthefirst

weekalone.They’vehadtoreorderthreetimessinceintroducing,alongwithamassivebumpinsaleson
lingeriejustfromadd-onpurchases.”Shegrinned.“Thebottomlinetalks,Elle.”

Ilookedup.“WhatexactlyisaSeahorseandaHummingbird?”
Herbusinesspartnerschuckledassheslidoverasmallblackbagwithpinkcrepepaperstickingfrom

thetop.“Ithoughtyoumightask.IncludedaresamplesfromourtopsellersincludingtheTigerTail,
Rattlesnake,andPandakiss.”

“Allnamedafteranimals?”Ituggedthebagandplaceditsecurelyinmylap,leaningoverthetopto

keepthecontentshiddenwhileIpeekedinside.

Thereinneat,classysee-throughtealboxeswereanarrayofdildos,vibrators,andbejeweledplugs.
Iclosedit,swallowinghardasmyfantasiesimaginedPennwieldingoneofthoseashefistedhiscock

inhishand.Jenniferwasright.Menandwomenstillplayed.Iwasinalong-runninggamemyselfandhad
nodoubtothersdabbledwithtoysandapparatus.

Whynotcapitalizeonsuchanemergingandnowacceptablemarket?
Dadwillhaveafit.
ButIwastheboss.
AndIwascurious.
Placingthebagbymyankle,Ilinkedmyhandsonthetableandsmiled.“Let’stalk.”

*****

Penn(8:45p.m.):Threedaysistoolong.I’veallowedyoutoavoidmeoutofrespect.Buttonight,
you’remine.

Penn(9:15p.m.):Ihavemethodstofindyou,Elle.IgaveyoumywordIwouldn’tlietoyou,so

believemewhenIsayI’mtastingyoutonightandyou’llfuckingbegformore.

Penn(9:35p.m.):Seeingasyoudidn’ttextback,I’veusedtheGPSonyourphonetofindyour

location.

Penn(9:55p.m.):Fuck,youlooksexywhileyoutalkbusiness.
Myheadshotup,glancingaroundtherestaurant.
I’dfeltmyphonevibrateafewtimesduringthebusinessmeetingbuthadn’tcheckedit.Ididn’twant

toberudeandinterrupttheflowoffiguresandforecasts.I’donlytakenitouttotextDavidandtellhimI
wasalmostdoneandtobringthecararound.

ThatwasuntilIfoundmultipletextsfromPenn.
Myheartmimickedtherabbitsaltandpeppershakers,hoppingaroundmychestasIsearchedthelast

remainingdiners.BeingaTuesdaymeantfewpeoplelingeredovertheirmeals,needingtoheadhomefor
anotherearlystarttomorrow.

“Everythingokay?”Jenniferasked,signingoffhercreditcardbillforthetapaswe’dnibbledon

throughoutthepresentation.I’dofferedtopay,butshehadn’tletme.Notthatshewouldmind,seeingas
I’dplacedasignificantordertobedeliveredintwomonthstotestthemarket.

Itwassinfulbuyingsextoystoputintoamainstreamretailchain,butwithabitofrejigginginthe

lingeriedepartment,agrottoforadultscouldbebuiltrathereasilywithstrictrulesaboutentryandallthe
necessaryprecautionsofunlabeledopaqueshoppingbagsandcodesonreceiptsratherthanin-depth
detailsoftheirpurchase.

IfIwashonest,itwasratherexciting.
JustlikethecomplexfeelingsIhadatthethoughtofPennwatchingme.
Butafterscanningallthetables,therewasnosignofhim.
“Yes,I’mfine.”Ilookedbackather,slouchinginreliefandfizzingwithdisappointment.
He’snothere.
Ididn’tknowwhyhecausedtwopolarextremes.Iwantedhimhere.Ididn’twanthimhere.Neither

wasalie.Iliterallyfeltboththingsatonce.

Jenniferpushedherchairin,gatheringhermaterialsandsmilingashercolleaguesstood.“Itwasa

pleasuretomeetyouagain,Elle.”

Weshookhands.“Likewise.”
IclosedmyfolderandensuredIhadmylittleblackbagofsamplersandmyhandbag.
Together,weallleftthetable.
Iturnedtowardtheexit.

Andtherehewas.
Hiselbowleanedonthebarwhilehisanklescrossedelegantly.Heheldatumblertohismouth,his

eyesgluedtomeasifhehadn’tbeenlookinganywhereelse.Asifhecouldn’tlookanywhereelse.

Halfofmewantedtoslaphimwhiletheotherhalfwantedtokisshimuntilwewerekickedfromthe

restaurantforobscenepublicdisplaysofaffection.

IswallowedhardasmyfeetrememberedwhattodoandfollowedJenniferandherpartnerstoward

freshairandmyawaitingcarride.

Tippingtherestofhisdrinkdownhisthroat,Pennpushedawayfromthebarandstrolledeverso

causallybutnotcasuallyatalltowardthesamedoorIdid.Hewasn’tinasuitthistime,butinablack
long-sleevesweaterpusheduptohiselbowsandfadeddenimjeans.Thematerialwrappinghischest
clungtoeveryridgeandmuscle,remindingmeI’dseenwhathehidinhisjeansbuthadn’tseenanything
else.

Myfingersitchedtotearitoffhim.
Tofindoutifhewasasperfectnakedashewasdressed.
MyheartmangleditselfintosexuallyfrustratedpiecesasIexitedandlostsightofhim.Jenniferand

herpartnerssaidtheirgoodbyesbeforehoppingintoaTownCartoreturntotheirhotel.

DavidjumpedoutoftheawaitingRangeRoverandgrabbedmybelongings.“Allgood?Readytogo?”
Ishouldsayyes.Ishouldleapinthe4WDanddemandhepeelawaylikearacecardrivertokeepme

outoftheclutchesofPennEverett.ButIdawdleddeliberately,rakingahandthroughmyhairand
pretendingtosoakupthebalmynightsky.

“I’lltakeherhome.”
Thesmooth,sensualvoicewrappedaroundmefrombehindasPennsteppedtomysideandplacedhis

handonmylowerback.

Threedaysdeletedinapoofofdesire.
Myangerwithhimforlying.
Myrageatbeingmanipulated...allgone.
He’dmadethisitchinsidemeintolerable.
Hewouldhavetobetheonetofixit.
Pennsmiled,leaningforwardtocapturethelittleblackbagfromDavid’sfingers.“We’lltakethat,

too.”

MyeyeswidenedasIgulped.“Howdoyou—”
Knowwhat’sinthere?
Istoppedmidwaybecausethequestionwasuseless.
Judgingbyhistexts,he’dbeenwatchingmeforawhile.Hewould’veseenflashesoftheproductasI

fondledafewunderthetable,testingtherubberdildosanddoingwhatJennifersuggestedtoseehow
lifeliketheywere.

MycheeksburnedasPenncapturedmyhand.“Elle,pleasetellyourdriverthatyou’rehappytoletme

takeyouhomeandthatI’mnotkidnappingyouorholdingyouunderduress.”

Iblinked,noticingDavid’stenseshouldersandthewayhe’dpushedasidehisblazertorevealthe

hiddenholsterandhandleofhisweapon.“It’sokay,David.Iknowhim.”

“Ma’am?”Hedidn’ttakehiseyesoffPenn.Helookedhimupanddown.“Hedoeslookfamiliar,now

thatyoumentionit.”

Familiar?Whywouldhelookfamiliar?
PennwasanythingbutordinaryandIwasfairlysureI’dneverbumpedintohimbefore.Besides,he

himselfhadtoldmyfatherhe’donlyrecentlyreturnedtoNewYorkafterbeingawayforatime.

Isaidpolitely,“HisnameisPennEverett.”
Pennamended.“Ms.Charlston'sfiancé.”

Icringed.Wordsdangledonmytonguetodenyit,butwhatwouldbethepoint?Myfatheralready

believed,Steve,Greg...whatwasonemoreintheschemeofthisstorybook?

Davidshiftedinplace.“Isee.”Hedidn’trelax,though,whichIfoundmildlydisconcerting.
Heturnedhisattentiontome.
Yearsago,whenmyfatherhadhiredhimtoprotectme,we’dworkedonaseriesofcodesIcouldsay

ifIfeltthreatenedorcouldn’tspeakhonestly.IfIwasbeingheldatgunpointorbeingrobbed,asimple
phrasewouldsendDavidintomilitarymode.

“Anyotherordersforthenight,ma’am?”Hewaited,givingmetimetospeakoneofthecodes.
I’mtiredandbelieveI’lltakeabubblebathtonight:codeforakidnapping.
I’mnotfeelingwell;Imightwalkinstead:codeforarobberyorguninmyside.
Isaidneither.
ThesilencedraggedonasecondtoolongbeforePenntuggedonmyfingers.
Withouthesitation,Imovedwithhim.“No,nottonight,David.”
Daviddidn’ttrytosavemeagain.

ChapterTwenty-One

TENMINUTESINTOthewalk,mynervesgotthebetterofme.

SqueezingPenn’sfingers,Iasked,“Whereareyoutakingme?”
“Myplace.”
“Why?”
Hechuckled,hisfaceshroudedindarkness.“Whydoyouthink?”
Mytummyclenchedashisvoicelostitsdecorumandslippedintosin.
“Tofuckyou,ofcourse.”Histeethflashedasheadded,“I’vewaitedforaslongasIcan.Youhaven’t

toldyourfatherIwaslyingaboutourengagement,andyouhaven’trunbacktoyourbodyguard.Therefore,
Iknowyou’reupforwhateverIhaveplanned,andyouwillnotargue.”Hisjawlowered.“Willyou,Bell
Button?”

Mymouthwateredwithhowwrongbuthowrightthatsounded.Fantasiesofwhatcouldhappen

tonightunraveledwithlightningdesire—

Wait.
HecalledmeBellButton.
Angertookprecedent.“Thatisn’tyournicknametouse.”
“No?”Heraisedaneyebrow.“Yetyoulet—whatwashername?Chloe—callyouDingDongBell.

Doyoupreferthat?”

Myteethlockedtogether.“Ipreferneither.Elleisperfectlyacceptable.Souseit.”
Helaughedinasoftsigh.“Sodefensive.”
“Notdefensive.Protective.”
Hisheadshotup,hiseyessinkingintomelikebarbs.“Youfeeltheneedtoprotectyourselfaround

me?”

“Constantly.”
Hisshadowswallowedme.“Why?”
“Whywhat?”
“Youknowwhat.Answerthequestionandstopdancingaroundit.”Thewayhepushedforananswer

hintedhehadulteriormotivestoknowwhyIbarricadedmyselffromhim.WhyIwouldneverletmyself
feelmoreforhimthanjustphysicaldesire.

We’dknowneachotheraweekorso.IwaswomanenoughtoadmitIfoundhimimmenselyattractive.

IwasgirlenoughtoadmitIlikedtheideaofinstanttruelove.ButIwasrealisticenoughtoknowthat
wouldneverhappenforabusinessownerlikeme.

Besides,hewasruthlessinhisownsuccess.Webbedinliesandhiddeninhalf-truths,hewasnota

mantotrustwithanythingbreakable—especiallymyheart.

Mybodywouldbruise.
Butitwouldheal.
Itdidn’tstopthefactthatPennwantedsomethingfromme.
Ifitwasjustsex,thenourmotiveswereinline.
ButthemoreIspentinhiscompany,themoreIsensedthatwasn’thisendgame.
Inarrowedmyeyes,tryingtoseepasthisarrogantshieldsandreadwhathetrulymeant.Butallhe

revealedwasamansupremeinhisabilityandself-worth.Amanasproudandaspompousasapeacock.

Yet...hehasason.
Howcouldsomeonesocoldandemotionallyunavailablehaveachilddependentonhim?Wherewas

Stewie’smother?WhowasLarry?Whatthehellwouldhappenbetweenusoncewe’dslepttogether?

ThequestionsbuiltontopofhisinanunstableJengatower.Onewronganswerandtheentire

foundationofourso-calledrelationshipwouldcrumble.

Tonightwasnotthenighttoletitfall.
Tomorrowitcould.
Becausebytomorrow,Iwould’vegotwhatIwanted,hewould’vegotwhathewanted,andthings

wouldgobacktothewaytheywere.Pennandhislieswouldfadefrommylifebeforehecausedany
moredamage.

“Youaskwhy,yetIcouldaskyouthesamequestion.”Ipushedahead,leavingtheglowofastreetlight

andsteppingintoapoolofnight.“Whydoyouprotectyourselffromme?”

Heslammedtoastop.“Idon’t.”
“Youdo.”
Hisjawworked,hishandsopeningandclosingbyhissides.“I’mguarded;there’sadifference.”
“Isthere?”Icockedmyhead.“Funny,Iwouldsayprotectiveandguardedwerethesamething.”
Hestormedtowardme,grabbingmebythethroatandmarchingmebackwarduntilIhitthefaçadeof

anapartmentbuilding.Thebrickwashard.Hewasharder.Iwasthesoftmiddlethatdidn’tstanda
chance.“Ifyouevertrytopsychoanalyzemeagain,you’llbesorry.”

Iswallowed,forcingfearpastthecageofhishandaroundmyneck.Evennow,mybodyhummed

beneathhisgrip.Itseemedmycellshadembracedthesensationoferoticismandfoundanygrasp
appropriate.

“WhywouldIbesorry?”Myvoicebarelyregisteredaudible.“Whatwouldyoudo?Killme?”
Imeantitflippantly,casually.Aphrasetossedaroundfartoooftenandnevermeant.Butinsteadof

eitherignoringtheclichédareoradmittingheranmuchdarkerthanIthought,hesmiledwithallthe
sharpnessofabutcher’sarsenal.“Perhaps.”

Myheartleapedoutofmybody,racingtoborrowatelephonetocallthepolice.Butmyinsides

burnedwithadifferentflavorthanbefore.Iflustwasacolor,I’dbeenbathedinredsandpinksfordays.
NowIswaminblacksanddeep,deeppurples,wantingnothingmorethantoletgoandforgetwhoIwas
andbecomewhoIdaredneverbe.

Strainingagainsthisfingers,Ideliberatelystrangledmyselfinhishold.“Whatareyougoingtodoto

meifIacceptI’llneverknowyouandadmitIdon’twantto?WhatwillyoudowhenIadmitI’musing
youlikeyou’reusingme?Fuckme?”

Heneverlookedaway;neverreducedthepressureonmythroat.“Itoldyouthatwasmyintention.”
Heconstantlyhadmeatadisadvantage.Iwassickofit.IfIwantedtoholdmyground,Ihadtostart

actingmoremyselfandnotatimidlittlegirl.Gatheringmycourage,Imurmured,“Stopthreatening,and
getitoverwiththen.”

Hisfingersspasmed.Hisbodyweightlandedonmine.“Getitoverwith?”
“Yes.Iwantyoutofuckmethenleavemealone.”
Aslightgroanfellfromhislips.“Youcan’tsaythingslikethatonanemptystreet.”
“Whynot?Iwould’vethoughtemptywouldbepreferabletobusy.Nooneisheretowatch.”
Heshookhishead,darkhairdancingoverhisforehead.“BusymeansI’mforcedtokeepmyhandsto

myself.”Heyankedmeclose,droppinghisfingersfrommynecktomybreastwhilehisleftarmlooped
aroundmywaist.

Thesoftthudofthebagholdingthesextoysampleslandedonthesidewalkashishandmassagedmy

flesh,histhumbandfingerpinchingmynipple.“AnemptystreetmeansIcouldturnyouaround,hoistup
yourskirt,andsinkinsideyouwithoutbeingseen.”

Ishivered.
Itsoundedsowrong.
Itsoundedsogood.
Forcingmyselftoremainsane,Ilookedupatthebuildingsallaroundus.Thefaintglowoffamilies

andtheshadowsofactivitiesmovedsubtlyabove.“We’dbeseen,regardlessifwesawthemornot.”

Hefollowedmygaze,histhroatexposedashisheadtippedup.Hisfingerstwitchedonmybreast.

“You’reright.”

Histouchfellawayashetookastepback.“Pity.”
Collectingthebagagain,heslippedbackintoaprowl,draggingmewithhim.

*****

“Youlivehere?”

Henoddedashepulledakeyfromhispocket.
“Asinthewholebuilding?”Ilookedupattheminiskyscraperwithitshighsashwindowsandfaded

duck-eggblueexterior.

“Itneedswork,butthat’swhyIboughtit.”Heunlockedtheancientdoorknobandpulledmeintoa

foyerwithartdecotiles,asquarechandelier,andpeelingwallpaper.Theceilingsoaredatleastfour
storiesaboveuswithadoublewidthstaircasecurlingupinaspiraltomultiplefloors.

“Wow.”
Heletmego,movingtowardthewallwheretheflickofabronzelightswitchmagicallygracedthe

placewithillumination.Thesoftclickwokeupcountlesslightbulbs,glitteringwithdustandweathered
withtime.

“LikeIsaid,aworkinprogress.”Onceagain,hecapturedmywrist,cartingmeupthestairs.He

didn’tgivemeachancetomarvelattheoriginalcraftsmanshiporquestionhowlonghe’dbeentheowner.

Itwasasifthebuildingdidn’texisttohim.Asiftheonlythingthatmatteredtohimwasme.
Ididn’tspeakaswemadeourwayupandup.Hedidn’tstoponfloortwoorthreeorfour.Hekept

tuggingmehigheruntilweenteredfloortenorelevenandunlockedyetanotherdoorinthedingymoth-
nibbledhallway.

Itwaslikesteppingintoadifferentworld.
We’dheadedthroughatimecapsuleandenteredaresplendentsuiteofartdecocharm,1930’s

decoration,andimmaculatepresentation.

MymouthfellopenasIdriftedforward.“This—thisisincredible.”
“Ofcourse,itis.It’smine.”Helockedthedoorbehindhimthenstrodethroughthespace.“Justlike

you.”Hisjawtightenedbeneathhisfiveo’clockshadow.“Ionlyownincrediblethings.”

Myheartlurchedratherthanmybody.
Wasthatanoddcompliment?Anodthathedidcareformebeyondphysicalgratification?
Don’tbeabsurd.Yourheartiswrong.It’sonasabbatical,researchingmythsonloveandfindingno

solidproofitexists.

Pennwaseverythingpoemsandfablespromised.Ifitwasn’tforthebroodingangerortautprotection

heshelteredbehind,ofcourse.

IfonlyIcouldmakehimswallowatruthserumandtearoutanswers—revealjusthowshallowor

deepheran.

Icouldn’ttakemyeyesoffhim.Iexpectedhimtofitinwiththisspace,tofeelathomeandmove

freely,yetsomethingdidn’tsitright.Hekickedoffhisshoesandpaddedbarefootoverpolishedmosaic
woodfloors,butsomethingwasmissing.Hewasn’tatease.Hemovedasifthiswasasforeignandnew
tohimasitwastome.

Whyisthat?
“Howlongagodidyoumovein?”Ikickedoffmyheels,placingthembythekitchenisland.
Pennsmiled.“You’reaskingquestions?”
“Isthatagainsttherules?”
Hepaused;somethingflickeredoverhisfacethatIcouldn’tdecipher.“Somearen’t.Othersare.”
Thecrypticnessgavemeaheadache.“Soyoucan’ttellmehowlongyou’velivedhere?”
“YouoverheardpartofwhatItoldyourfatherattheWeepingWillow.I’vemovedbacktotown

recently.Soifyoubelievethat,thenyou’llbelievethatthisisanewpurchase.”

“WhydoIneedtobelievesomethingifit’strue?”
Hedidn’treply.
Ipushedwithanotherquestion.“Yousaidyourbenefactorwassick.Thatyoureturnedforhim.Ishe

okay?”

Asoftnessflowedoverhim—somethingsounexpectedandendearingtosee.Whoeverhisbenefactor

was,hecaredforhimalotmorethanhewouldadmit.“He’sfinenow.Itwasarareformofbloodcancer.
Theyhaveitundercontrol.”

“That’sgood.”
“Itis.”
Theconversationstalled.Awkwardnesssettledlikeathirdwheel.Ifeltresponsible.Before,our

silencehadbeenpotentwithdesire.Now,ithungheavywithconfusion.

WhydidIcareabouthim,thisbuilding,andwhoeverhismysterybenefactorwas?
I’mhereforonethingonly.
Samethingashewas.
Takingadeepbreath,Imarchedacrosstheroom.Hisarmsopenedwide,knowingwhatIdid—that

theonlywaytodeletethesuddenweirdnessbetweenuswastoreturntothebasics.

Theplacewherehateandlikedidn’tmatter.
Hislipsstoppedmythoughts.Hisarmsceasedmyworry.Heletwhateverrestrainthehadleftfray

andstalkedmebackward,hismouthneverleavingmine,hissheerpowercorrallingmeagainsta
sideboard.

Hisfingersgrabbedmyjawashekissedmehard.
Histasteofmintanddarknessfloodedmysenses.
Itrembledinhishold.
Asquicklyasthekissbegan,itended.Hisfingersstungmyoversensitiveskinashetuggedme

forward,movingstealthilytowardadoorpasttheopenplankitchen,livingroom,anddining.Allaround,
largepicturewindowsallowedthecitytoentertainuswithitselectricvibranciesandpedestriansbelow.

Openingadoor,Pennletmego,allowingmetodriftforwardintohisbedroomwhilehetossedthe

blackbagontohisbed.

IfolloweditasthesilverglitterdildocalledtheSeahorsebouncedoutandlayaccusinglyonthedark

graycoverlet.

Penndidn’tnotice.Orifhedid,hedidn’tglanceatit.Idoubtedhe’dnoticeanythingelsenowIwas

inhislair.Iwashisconquest,histrophy.Ididn’tknowwhyIgotthefeelingthiswasmoreabouthimthan
itwasaboutme,butinanoddway,Iwasglad.

IcouldtakewhatIwantedwithouthavingtoworryaboutemotionsgettingintheway.Icouldkeep

myselfprotectedallwhilegivinghimeveryintimatepartofmyself.

Ishiveredashestalkedtowardme,crowdingmeagainstthewall.Heseemedtoprefermelockedin

place,unabletogoanywhere.

Hehadn’tofferedmeadrinkorsomethingtoeat.
He’dbroughtmeheretofuckme.

Thatwasall.
IknewImightbehurtbythatlater.ThatforallmybravadoandbeliefIcouldkeepthisaboutsex,I

mightstillover-analyzeandreadintoeverymoment.Butrightnow...rightnowallIwantedwashim.AllI
neededwashim,andIwaspreparedtobecold-heartedtodothat.

“You’resofuckingbeautiful,Elle,”hemurmured,plantingonehandonthewallbymyhead,

imprisoningme.Thepulseinhisneckwasvisibleashisgazeslippedfromwarmsabletobrutalblack.
Hisotherhandlandedonmycheek,histhumbgrazingmyjawtothecornerofmymouth.

Hepaused,holdinghisthumbthere.“Youdon’thaveacluewhatyou’redoingtome,doyou?”He

pressedhiserectionagainstmybelly.“AndI’mnotgoingtotellyou.”

What?WhatamIdoingtoyou?
Thewayhesaiditachedwithtenderness.Forthebriefestsecond,hewasn’tsomerichtycoonabout

tostripanddevourmebutasweetseducerdrowningbeneathhisownuntruths.

Thatwastheproblemwithbeingguarded.
Peoplewithliescouldnevermakefriends.Butpeoplewithtrustcouldnevermakeenemies.
Bothwereweak.
Isuckedinabreath,partingmylips,allowinghimtoinserthisthumbintomymouth.
Theintrusionwassexyandhot,andhisskintastedofsalt.
Iwantedtoaskwhyhewouldn’ttellme.ThatIwantedtoknowwhatcrazypowerIhadoverhim

whenIfeltsohelplessinhispresence.Butheleanedforward,lickingmybottomlipasheheldmymouth
openwithhisthumb.“I’mnotgoingtotellyoubecauseI'mgoingtoshowyou.”

Heleanedagainstme,chesttochest,hipstohips.Hetrappedmejustashehadinmyofficeandthe

alleyandthestreetandmydepartmentstore.

Hetrappedme,anditdredgedupyetmorememoriesofthreeyearsagowhenahoodedmanfreedme

fromrobbersandawokemyteenagesoul.Thedifferenceswerestartling.Onemanhadunlockedmy
world.Thisonedidhisbesttoimprisonme.

Neitherwouldbesuccessful.
OnlyIheldthatpower,anditwasmyprerogativetolendittoanotherordenyit.
Afainthintofangeranduntappeddesiresiphonedfromhimtome,yetbeneaththat,therewas

somethingelse.SomethingIhadn’tfeltfromhimbefore.

Softnesswrappedinbarbwire.
Itdidn’tdiminishtheintensityofhowhewatchedme,touchedme,controlledmewiththemultiple

facetswithinhim.Hisfacialscruffscrapedmycheekashebenthisneckandkissedmythroat.Myeyes
slammedclosedashisteethbitmycollarbone.Hisaftershaveshotupmynoseashishandslandedonmy
sides,swoopinguptorubmynippleswithhisthumbs.

Hislipstracedupmyneck,kissingbutnotgently.NothingaboutPennwasgentle.Itallcamefroma

placeofviolencemixedwithpleasure.Theslipperinessofhisteethaddedathrillingdimensiontohis
warmmouth,andImoanedasheonceagaincapturedmyfaceinhisstrong,coolfingersandtippedme
justtherightway.

Hislipssealedovermine,sweettostartthenvicious.Mybodyslammedagainstthewall,harderand

harderashetriedtoconsumeme,hislipscausingbruisesthatwouldneverheal.

Ihadnochoicebuttoletgo.Togiveupstandingandbreathingandthinking.
IfIdidn’t,I’dscreamwithhispossession.
Givinginwastheeasiestandonlyoption.
BecausethenIcouldstopthinkingandjustbe.Beawoman,desire...me.
Hecontrolledeveryminutething.
Hewasrightwhenhesaidhewouldn’tlietome.

Thekisstoldmethingshenodoubtwantedtokeephidden.Thingslike‘thisisme,thisiswhoIam.I

won’tapologize’.Andbeneaththat...beneaththosesexymessagesofwantingtofuckmewasadeeper,
darkerthread.

Athreadthatdaredmetoargue,toprobedeeperintowhohewas,toswitchhimfrompassionate

strangertosomeoneIcouldperhapscall...notafriend,butatleastanacquaintance.

Hisotherhandloopedaroundmyspine,jerkingmefromthewall,shovinghisfingersdowntheback

ofmyskirt.HefingeredthelaceofmyG-stringandthetopofmyass,rockinghiserectionintomybelly.

Ineedair.Ineedsanity.
Buthescoopedmeintohisarms,lettingmylegsdanglebetweenhisashestalkedtowardhisbedand

threwmedown,tossingtheblackbagontothefloor.

Hisfacecontortedwithlust.“We’llusetoysanothertime.Tonight,Ijustneedyou.”Grabbingmy

jacket,heforcedmetowrigglefreeasheremovedmyarmsfromthesleeves.

TheminuteIlaythereinmyblouseandskirt,hesmirked.“Ihopeyou’renottooattachedtothese.”
Withafuriousyank,herippedmyblouseapart.Thetinyseashellbuttonspingedintoallcornersofhis

roomwhilecoolairkissedmynakedbelly,revealingmyblacklacebra.

Hegroaned,bendingovermetopressakissontheswellofmybreast.
Withoutthinking,Iheldhisheadtomychest,breathinghard,pantingquick,runningmyhandsthrough

hishairwithaffectionIdidn’tnecessarilyfeel.

Herearedback,hisgazenarrowedandfullofrage.
Westaredateachother,silentlywaging,tryingtofigureouthowlineshadblurredalready.Pulling

backtostandbytheedgeofthebed,Pennleftmespeechless,breathless,wonderingwhatthehellwas
happening,andjustwhohewasbeneaththesurface.

Hishandslandedonhisbelt,yankingtheleatherfreeandrippingitfromtheloops.
Myskinwasneedyanddemanding.Iwantedhimclose.Iwantedhimonme.Screwthetinyvoiceof

fearthatmyfirsttimewouldhurt.

“Takeoffyourclothes,”hegrowledthickly,hisvoicenolongerentirelyhumanasheshovedhisjeans

downhislegsandsteppedoutofthem.

Sittinguponthebed,Iobeyed,shruggingoutofmydamagedtopandreachingbehindtounhookand

unzipmyskirt.Themomentitunfastened,Ilaybackdown,shimmyingfromthematerialuntilhegrabbed
theendsandyankedittherestoftheway.

Mygarterbeltglitteredinthelowlampsbythewindowanddoor.Mypantyhoseremindedme

everyoneelseknewmeasthequeenofBelleElle,yetPennwastheonlyonetotearmedownuntilIwas
nakedandbeggingforasingletouch.

HisgazelatchedbetweenmylegswheremyblackG-stringmatchedmybra.Hebithislip,then

grabbedmyankles,yankedmedownthebed,andpressedhimselfontopofme.Hisfistslammedintothe
mattresswithallthefrustrationandragehewouldn’tadmit,makingmyhearthammerandbloodrace.

“Fuck,Iwanttobeinsideyou.”
Isurrenderedtohisferalkiss,lettinghimdirectandguideme.Hisfingerspluckedatmygarters,

undoingmypantyhoseuntiltheyhungundonearoundmythighs.Herockedhiscockagainstme—theonly
thingsseparatingusweretwopiecesofcotton.

Terrortriedtointerruptmypleasure—thingslikebirthcontrolandprotectionandthefactIshouldtell

himitwasmyfirsttime.

Butembarrassmentkeptmylipsshut.
Pennwasexperienced.Hecouldn’thidethatfactwiththewayheattackedmymouthandbodywith

confidencebornofexpertise.

Ifhe’dnoticedIwasafollowerinthisandnolongertheleaderI’dbeengroomedtobe,hedidn’tcare

ormentionit.Ijusthopedhe’dtakechargeoftheprotectionissue,andifheenteredmetoofast,thenI

wouldsaysomethingbutnotbefore.

Iclutchedathisblacktop,needingitoff.Needingskinonskin.
Helistened,tearinghismouthawaytoreachoverhisheadandpullthesecondtolastpieceof

clothingoff.

Myhandsflewupoftheirownaccord.Itracedhisabsanduptohischest.Hedidn’ttrytostopme

andtheluxury,theprivilegeoftouchinghimfilledmybloodwithheateddesire.

Stayingbracedononearmoverme,hisfingersloopedaroundmypantiesandpulledthemdown.My

handlatchedontotheotherside,keepingithigh,protectingmymodesty.Ididn’tknowwhy,butsudden
shynessattackedme.

Hegrittedhisteeth.“Letgo.”
Ibitmylip,refusingsilently.
“Elle.”Hisgrowlslicedthroughmyunwillingness.
Closingmyeyesbriefly,Iletgoandallowedhimtodragthelacedownmylegs.Heslippedthemoff

myanklesandtossedthemoverhisshoulder.Clampingapowerfulhandonmyinnerthigh,hespreadmy
legs.“Sofuckingbeautiful.”

Itrembledashisstrokedupward,runninghisfingertipsalongmywetness.“Christ,Elle.”
Mymouthopenedashepressedafingerslowlyinsideme.
Mybreastsached,andIreachedbehindmetoundotheconfinesofmybra.Hegrimacedwith

agonizingneedasIrevealedthefinalpartofme.Heswallowedhardasmybodywelcomedhisfinger,my
hipsrockingupwardtomeethim.

“Touchme,”hecommanded.Hisfingerhookedinsideme,draggingagaspthroughmylungs.Ireached

forwardblindly,unsurewhattodoandhowhardtograsp.

Hetippedforward,givingmeaccesstohisboxer-briefs.
Withanoutofcontrolheartbeat,Ipulledasidethetightcottonandinsertedmyhandintothewarm

depths.

Heshudderedasmyfingerslatchedaroundhim.
“Jesus.”HebowedasIsqueezedhard,unsureifsoftorviolentwashisundoing.
Icopiedthepressureheusedonme—notbeinggentle,notgivinghimtimetoadjusttobeingtouched.
Hisfingerspearedupward,pressingagainstthesensitivespotinsidethatturnedeverythingintoliquid

gold.GruntingalittleasIfistedhimdeeper,heinsertedanotherfinger.

Thestretch.Theburn.Hisfingernailscrapedalittleashedidn’tgivemetimetoadjust.
Imatchedhispunishmentwithmyown,diggingmynailsintohisshaft,pumpinghiminthesameway

hethrustintome.

“Goddammit.”Hisheadbowed,hislipswide.“Fuck,thatfeelsgood.”
Hisgreedycockleapedinmyhands,demandingmore.SomethinghotandstickycoatedmyfingersasI

swoopedoverthecrownandbackdownagain.

Hehookedhisfingerdeeper,causingmetowritheonthebed.Myvoiceeruptedonagasp.“Oh,

God.”

“Finally,youspeak.”
Ishivered,sinkingbackintomyselfashestrokedandteased.Wordsseemedamillionmilesawayin

therealmofconversationandhumanness.Iwassomewheredeepinsidewhereonlyfeelingandsensation
werepermitted.“Iwasn’tawareyouwantedmeto.”

“Iwanttoknowhowthisisforyou.”Hiseyesblazed.
“How?”
Histhumblandedonmyclit.“Doyoulikethis?Doyouneedmore?Less?Tellme.”
Iansweredbackwithasqueezeofhiscock.“Doyoulikethis?”

Hegroaned.“Doyoureallyneedtoask?”Hishipsthrustintomypalm.“I’mpracticallycomingall

overyourgoddamnfingers.”

Theconfessionsentlustanddesireandgiddy,giddyhappinessfizzinglikefireworks.
Mybodyslowlymelted,becomingmoreinviting,wetter,hotter.
Henoticed.
Adarkgleamenteredhisgaze.“Ihavenointentionoffingeringyouallnight,Elle.JustlikeIdon’t

expectyoutojerkmeoff.”Hisfingersstrokedmeruthlessly.“Iwanttofuckyou.Ineedtobeinsidethis.”
Hehookedhisgrip,pressingsomethingintimatelyhardwiredtoanexquisitebuttoninsidemybelly.

AnotherpressandIcould’veclimbedupwhateverpleasurehillIcurrentlytrampled,stridingcloser

towardthesummit.Buteachtimehepushedme,hepulledmebackalittle—makingmeoutofbreathand
desperateforthetopwhereIcouldfinallyrestandberewarded.

Hepulledaway,removinghistouch,makingmeempty.“Tellmenowifthat’sgoingtobeaproblem.”

Hefistedhimself,lookingbetweenmylegs.“Tellmeifyou’rehavingsecondthoughtsbecauseonceI’m
insideyou,Iwon’tbeabletostop.”

NowwasmyfinalchancetoadmitIwasn’tready.Thatthiswastoosoon.Toofast.Notdoneby

rationalwomen.

Butthewordsweren’tthere.
TheonlyonesIknewwere:“Iwantthis.Iwantyoutofuckme.”
Hiseyessnappedclosedashisstomachtightened.“Yourwishismycommand.”Shovingmythighs

wider,hepushedhisboxer-briefsdownhislegsandthrewthemtothefloor.Reachingforhisdiscarded
jeansonthebed,hepulledoutacondompacketandpassedittome.

“Itakeyou’renotonthepill.”
Itooktheslipperyfoil.“No.”
“Fine.”Hisjawgrittedashisgazelockedonmyshakinghands.“Putitonmethen.”
IhadnointentionoftellinghimI’dneverdonethisbefore.Rippingthepacket,Icarefullypulledout

theoddsmellinglatexandpinchedthetoplikeI’dbeenshowninsexeducationatschool.

Hedidn’tsayawordasIpositioneditoverhiscrownandrolleditdownhisveryimpressivelength.
Heshudderedasmyfingerswentfurtherthannecessaryandcuppedhisballs.Hiseyesflaredwide

beforeIpulledaway,unsureifIwasallowedtodothatornot.

Wedginghishipsbetweenmine,hesnarled,“Answermeonequestion.”
Iwasobsessedwiththesightofhissheathederectiononlyinchesawayfrommycore.
Hegrabbedmychin,forcingmetomeethiseyes.“Areyouavirgin?”
Istiffened.“How—howwouldyouknowthat?”
“Idon’tknowthat.That’swhyI’masking.”
Ilickedmylips.“I’m—”
Hewaitedwithangryeyes,thetipofhiscocknudgingagainstmyentrance.“Tellme,Elle.Otherwise,

thiswillbeverypainfulforyou.”Pushingforward,heenteredmejustalittle.

Thediscomfortburned,butinagoodway;buthehadsomuchmoretogo.Somanywaystoripme

apartifIwasn’thonestwithhim.

Idroppedmyeyes.“ThisisthefirsttimeI’vebeenwithaman.”
Hisforeheadfurrowed.HisfacereplayedamemoryIcouldn’tsee.Hishipspushedforwardagain,

inchbylazyinch.“I’llgoslow.”

Itensed.“Okay.”
Webreathedinthesameraggedrhythmasheslippedeversoslowlyintomybody.Whenhehitan

unbreakablebarrier,Iclenchedwithtrepidationandpain.

Hestopped.
Afewdazzlingdrumbeatsofmyheart,andIforcedmyselftorelaxalittle.

Hepresseddeeper.
Hisdominionwascollectedbutincomplete.TherewasnowhereIcouldlookwithouthimbeing

there.NoscentIcouldbreathewithoutitbeinghim.

Icouldn’tdoathingbutallowhimtopenetratemeineverysenseoftheword.
Anotherinchandastingbegan—anawfulburnthatbroughttearstomyeyes.Iturnedmyhead,doing

mybesttoburymyfaceorbitedownonfreshlylaunderedsheets.

“Hurts?”
Inodded,unabletolookathim.Iwasafailureatthis.
“ItoldyouI’dprotectyouevenwhenIwashurtingyou,remember?”Hegrunted,draggingmyeyesto

him.Heloomedovermelikeademonwithmusclesetchedinshadow,afacechiseledfromgranite.

Inodded.
“Well,then,thisisgoingtohurt.”TheflashoflustonhisfacedistractedmethenallIknewwaspain

andpleasureandpainandpleasureandpain,pain,pain.

Heimpaledmeswiftly,sharply.Nomorecreepingsoftly.Nomoreadjustingorseduction.
Hefuckedme.
Hetookme.
Heconsumedme.

ChapterTwenty-Two

“OPENYOUREYES,Elle.”

Icouldn’t,notwiththetearstricklingdownmycheeks.TearsIdidn’tevenunderstand.Iwasn’tcrying

becauseithurt—thepainhadalreadyfadedalittle.Iwasn’tevencryingbecauseI’dgiventhismanwhoI
didn’tknowthefinalpieceofmethatnooneelsehadearned.

Icriedbecauseinhisstrangearms,withhisdeliciousbodyinsidemine,Ifoundasmidgenofthat

freedomI’dtriedsolongtofind.

“Openyoureyes,”heorderedagain,rockingintome.
Iobeyed,drinkinghimin,noticingthesmallbeadsofsweatonhisbrowandthewildnessonhisface.
Ishiftedbeneathhim,myhipsadjustingtofithis.Mytearsdriedlikesalttracks.“You’rehuge.”
“You’retight.”
“Itfeels...nice,though.”
“Nice?”Hehalf-smiled,fightingbackthequickflashesofdarknesshekepthidden.“Justnice?”He

pressedintome.“Nootherdescription?Nobetterwordformefuckingyou?”

“Sore?”
Hescowled.“Iwasthinkingofanother.”
“Hard?Full?Desperate?”
Hisfaceeclipsedwithshadows.“Desperate?”Hisvoiceswitchedtoraggedbreath.“Desperatefor

what?This?”Hearchedintome,hisbackbowing,hishipsdrivingintominewithpowerandprecision.

Mynecktensed,myskulldiggingintothebedasmyshoulderbladescameoffthemattress.Awaveof

painandacrashofpleasure.ItseemedIcouldn’tenjoyonewithoutenduringtheother.

ButI’dneverexperiencedanythinglikeit.
Iwantedmore.
Somuchmore.
ButI’dhavetowaitbecauseblisslikethismeanthemust’vecome,andI’dreadmencouldn’thave

multipleorgasmslikewomen.

Youhaven’tcomeyet.
Itdidn’tbotherme.Tonighthadbeenasimpletasktolosemyinnocence.Itridmeofthatminor

complication,andthenexttime(iftherewereanexttime),therewouldbenopain,onlypleasure.

Myhipsmoved,kissingthetopofmymoundtohislowerbelly.Athankyou.Arequest.Abitofboth.
Helickedhislips,self-controletchinghisface.“Youwanttocontinue?”
“There’smore?”Mylipspartedaseagernesswashedthroughme.“Youdidn’t...finish?”
Hechuckled;itshookhisbodyinsidemine.“Iwon’ttakeoffensetothat.ButifyouhonestlythinkI’d

justenteryouandbesatisfied,youneedsomeseriouslessonsonhowIfuck.”

Helookeddownatwherewejoined,encouragingmetowatch,too.Hepulledbackalittlebefore

pushingforward.Thepainmorphedtopleasure,warmingandmeltingwithafineveilofsharpness.

Embracingthefirefeedingonthelustinsideme,Iplacedmyhandsonthetopofhisasswherehis

backclenchedbeneathmyfingers.“More.”

Heplantedhisfistsintothesheetsbymyhead.“Fine.”Heslippedfromslowtoserious,drivinginto

me.

Mycoreclenchedaroundhim.Atwingeofdiscomforttriedtostealmeaway.

Screwthepain.
Iwantedthis.
Allofit.
Hegroanedlongandlow,hishipsthrustupward,hittingsomepartofmethatshatteredintostardust.

Hishipsjack-knifedintomine,asdeepandascloseashecouldgo.Heletgo.Hedroveagain.

Thrust.Thrust.Thrust.
Whateverplaceorgasmslivedsuddenlyswarmedalivelikeahivewithitsferociousqueen.The

buzzingflewfrommytoestomykneestomyspine,frommyfingerstomyarmstomytongue.

Everythingignited,andIjumped.
IjumpedfromthetowerofBelleElle.Iforgotaboutmycareer,myrules,myboundaries.
Ideletedmyself.
ImetPennintheblackdebasementandspokecrudeconsonantsandtasteddirtyvowels.“Iwantyou

tofuckme.Iwantyoutomakemescream.”Idugmyfingernailsintohisass,jerkinghimtome.“Giveme
whatIwant.”Ibowedoffthebed,capturinghismouthwithmine,takingcontrolallwhilesubmittingthe
remainingpowerIhad.“Fuckme...please.”

Ishould’vepreparedfortheunleashing.
Ishould’veexpectedwhatwouldhappenwithsuchaninvitation.
Butitstilltookmebysurprise.Stillthrilledandterrifiedandteased.
“Youfuckingaskedforit.”Hissmilewaspurecriminalashisstomachtightened,andhedroveinto

mesohard,sofast,hishipsbruisedmyinnerthighs.Hismouthlatchedontomine,ourteethclacking,our
tonguesknotting,everylastmasqueradeatbeingcivilized...gone.

Hedidn’tjusttakemeuponmyoffer.
Hedoubledmystakesandwentforeverythinghecouldclaim.
Hefuckedme.
No,thatwaswoefullyunjust.
Hebrokeme,fixedme,splitme.
Hisbodyslammedagainandagainandagainintome.Hiscockslidinginheatandwetness,dragging

morefromme.Theorgasmbuzzincreased,consumingeverything.

Hisstaminamademylegsjelly.Everyfeminineatomburstwithbliss.Myhipstriedtomeethis,but

hispacekeptmepinnedtothebed.Witharaggedbreath,heslappedahandovermyheart,pressingmy
lungs,preventingmefromgasping,countingmychargingheartbeats.

Myskinburnedwithsweat,turninghisgripslippery.Hisfingersslidoffme,slammingintothe

mattress.Hisarmbuckled,wedginghisentireweightonme.Hishipsthrustasifhehadnopowerover
hisbodyanymore.Asifallhewas,allhewasmeanttodo,waspossessmeuntilIpossessedhiminsome
karmictwistoffate.

Igaspedandpantedandgulpedassexturnedtothemostbasicofcoupling.
Heburiedhisfaceintothesheets,hisbacksuddenlygoingramrodstraight,hiscockpulsinginside

me.

Ifroze,notknowingwhattodo.
IknewexactlywhatIwantedtodo.
Myfingersturnedgentle,caressinghisspine.ThemomentItouchedhissweat-mistedback,hereared

up,baringhisteeth.“Don’t.I’mjust—”Hisjawworked.“I’msofuckingclose.”

“Don’tstop.”
Hisfacescrunchedupwithsexualagony.“Idon’twanttofinishyet.Ihaven’thadenoughofyou.”
Mycheekspinkedevenastriumphblewtrumpetsinmybelly.“Oh.”
Hebentandkissedme,unapologeticwithlustandhisdesiretocome.Hiseyesremainedclosed,

barringmefromreadinghimortryingtoguessifthisphysicalactmeantmoretohimthanmutualrelease.

Icouldn’tfigurehimout,andIdesperatelyneededtoifIwasgoingtosurvivewhateverhe’ddoneto

me.

Becausehehaddonesomethingtome.
He’dawakenedme,andIcouldnevergobacktosleep.
“Fuck,youfeeltoogood.”Withaferalgrunt,hepulledaway,withdrawing,andleavingmeempty.

Slidingdownmybody,hislegsfelloffthebed,hiskneesthuddingagainstthefloor.

BeforeIcouldaskwhatwaswrong,hishandslandedonmyinnerthighsandpushedmylegsapart.

Hismouth—thesameonethat’dbeenkissingme—landedonmycore,histonguepulsinginsidemewitha
differentkindofwetness,amoreintimatekindofheat.

Ibowedoffthebed,clutchingthesheetsinshock.“Oh,myGod.”
Hebitmyclitwithcarefulteeth.“You’resore,andIneedtofuckyouhard.Idoubtyou’llfinda

releasewithme.So...you’regoingtohaveonenow.”

Thesheetsdidn’tprovideenoughtractiontogriponto.Igrabbedhishairinstead.
Hecursedsomethingdeepanddark.Hisvoicetwistedmystomachintobowties.Histongueentered

meagain.Itwasn’tenoughafterthedeeppenetrationofhiscock;theshallowclaimingleftmestraining
formore.

Butthenhishandsjoinedintoo,pinchingmyclitashisfingersranbeneathhistonguetopressinside

me,grantinggirthanddexterity,pushingmeupthecliffofanorgasmI’dbathedinsinceheturnedmefrom
puretodeviant.

Justlikeinmyoffice,hedidn’tmessaround.
Hewantedmetocome.
Iwouldcome.
Mylegstriedtoclosearoundhishead,butheslammedahandontomythigh,spreadinghissalivaand

myarousal.Grabbingmywrists,hekeptthenpinnedonmybellywhilehistongueworkedmeharder.

Theorgasmhadcolorslikeadarkrainbow—allblacksandgraysandredsandoranges.Ifeltit

gather.Isawitswirl.Andwhenitdescendedfrommybonesandligamentstogatherinmywomb,it
glitteredlikesomemagicalmaliciousforce.

Histonguewasthewandthatspentthatmagic,draggingitfromme,forcingittoexplodeinbody-

cripplingwaves.

“Oh,God.Oh,God.Oh,God.”Iclimbedthebed,him,theworld.Iwentblind,deaf,mute.
Idrownedineverycrest.
Ihadn’tfinishedcomingwhenheclimbedmybody,hookedmylegoverhiship,andslammedback

insideme.

“Yes!”Itwasascream.Ihadnoshame.Iscreamedagainashedrovebrutallyfastanddeep.“Yes.

Oh,God,yes.”

Thepain...wasnomore.
Thepleasure...wastoomuch.
Thick,hot,welcomeandanundeniableprimitiveneedtofeelhimalltheway,deeper,deeper,harder,

harder.

Histongueslidovermyneck,histeethsettlingovermyarterylikeawolfmountingitsmate.
Ikissedhisshoulder,revelinginthesaltiness,therawnessofhowtwonakedpeoplecouldbe.
Myfingernailslandedoneithersideofhisspine,digginghard.
“Harder,”heorderedwithacommandingbite.Histonekissedthedregsofmyorgasm,rekindlingit,

fanningit,transformingembersintoflames.

Thesorenessturnedtoalusciouspullingashedrovefaster.
“Fuck,takeit.Fuckingtakeit.”Herearedoverme,hiselbowslocked,hisfingerstangledinmyhair,

keepingmyheadimprisonedandeyespinnedonhis.

Thebedcreakedasheworkedbothofusintoaslickmessofsweatandpleasure.
Icouldn’tlookaway,andinhisbrowngaze,Ifoundsomethingunbearablycarnal,sounfilteredand

truthfulthatmycoretightened,beggingforanotherrelease.

Hislipssmashedagainstmine,cuttingmeofffromhisthoughts.Ilostmymindandgaveintothetime-

honoredinstincttorockwithhim,toaccepthiscontrol,andallowhimtofeedanddenymeeveryhunger
hesummoned.

“Fuck,youfeelgood.Iknewyouwould.”Hehitmeatananglethatsenttheworldfracturingwith

blackspots.Hisexpertclaimingsentanotherspindleofneedtojointhosehungryflames.

Iwassoreandlooseandwetanddelirious,andIdidn’tthinkIcouldcomeagain.Buthehadapower

overmeIcouldn’tignore.

Asmallermoretentativereleasefoundme,ecstasyradiatingintomyfingertipsasItrembledand

gatheredbeneathhim.

Myeyesremainedopenasthebandsofmusclecontractedalmostsecretly,tiptoeingthroughmybody

asifunpermitted.

Icamesoftly,deliciously,wantonly.
Hiseyeswidened.“Youcame?”
Iswallowedasafinalclenchleftmeboneless,lost,andentirelydruggedwithendorphins.
“Fuck,youcame.Youfuckingcamewithmeinsideyou.”Hisgazepossessedme,andhelostit.

Positioninghimselfhigheroverme,hegrabbedmywristsandslammedthemovermyhead.

Andthen,hefuckedme.
“Shit,shit...shit.”Hisvoicescrambledwithbreath.Insideme,hegrewthicker,heavier,harder,hitting

thetopofmewitheverypound.

Hewaswild,unleashed;hiscontrolandliesundone.
Hisface,normallysohandsomeandregal,splinteredintoabrokenveneerasheletgo.
“Fuck!”Ananimalisticroarfellfromhislips,hisorgasmtearinguphisbackandintome.
Ilethimdowhatheneeded.
Idrankinhisvulnerabilityandrelishedinthefactheletmeseehimthewaynotmanypeoplewould.
Heshattered.
Heshivered.
Heshudderedasthelastwavewrunghimdry.
Onlyoncelongmomentshaddisappeared,andwe’dreturnedfromwhateverstratospherehe’d

catapultedusto,didhisfingersunlockfrommywristsandtraildownmyarmtocupmycheek.

WitheyessoftandnolongerangryaboutthingsIcouldn’tunderstand,hekissedme.
Thiskisswasdifferent.
Itwasn’taclaimingorathankyou.
Itwasastrippingback;apeelingofthemaskswewore.
Anacknowledgmentthatwe’dstartedsomethingthat,unfortunately,wouldn’thaveahappyending.

ChapterTwenty-Three

THELARGECLOCKhanginginPenn’skitchensaidI’donlybeenathisplaceonehourandthirty-two
minutes,yetthewholeworldhadchanged.

Eithertimespedupwithoutme,orweshotintothefuturewhereeverythingwasdifferent.
WhereIwasdifferent.Mybodywasdifferent.Myentireoutlookaltered.
Iranmyhandsdownmybuttonedblazerforthetenthtime,smoothingmyskirt.Itriedtoignoremy

tangledhairthatneededadeepconditionandanhourwithabrush,andpretendedIwasn’tbarebeneath
myclothing.

Oncewe’dfinishedandPennwithdrewfromme,we’ddressedsilentlyandreconvenedinthekitchen.

Istuffedmylingerieintotheblackbagfullofsextoys,intendingtotakebothhome.However,Penn
grabbedthehandlesandplacedtheparcelonacupboardonthewayoutofhisbedroom.

Hedidn’tsayathing.
Hisbodylanguagealonesaidallofthoseitemswerestayinghere—whetherIlikeditornot.
HemovedbarefootwhileIclippedinheels.Heduckedaroundthelargeislandandgrabbedtwo

glassesfromafrosted-glasscupboard.Fillingthembothwithwaterfromacarafeinthefridge,hepassed
onetome,watchingmeovertherimashedrank.

He’dslippedintolightcoloredjeansandablackt-shirt,lookingeverybitthebadboyIshouldnever

introducetomyfather,letalonegoalongwithhisliesthatwewereengaged.

Nervesmultipliedwithtinylegs,racingovermyshouldersthelongerwestaredinsilenceanddrank.

IwantedtocallDavidtocollectme.ThelongerIstoodinPenn’spresence,themorehewithdrewtothe
pointthatanywarmththat’dexistedbetweenushowledwithfrost.

Ishiftedonthespot,placingmyhalf-drunkglassofwateronthecounter.“Iguess—IguessI’llgo

homenow.”

Heraisedaneyebrowandfinishedhiswater.Wipinghislipswiththebackofhishand,henodded.

“Goodidea.”

Itriedtohidemywince,butIwasn’tsuccessful.Ididn’tknowwhyhe’dshutmeout—thenagain,he

hadn’tletmein.He’dinvadedmybody,butthatdidn’tgivemeareturnpasstorummagearoundinhis
soul.

TheideaofcallingDavidandwaitingforhiminsidePenn’sapartmentwasn’tappealing.ThesoonerI

wasawayfromtheharshintensitywheresplintersofwhateverweweren’tsayingstabbedme,thebetter.

Huggingmyself—makingsuremybrokenblousewastuckedtightlyintomyskirttopreventgaping

openandmyblazerwasbuttonedtight—Inoddedasifwe’dconcludedbusinessandthemeetingwas
over.

Realistically,thiswasabusinesscontract.Hedidn’tlikeme.Ididn’tlikehim.Butthesexhadbeen

incredible.Ihadnothingtocompareitto,butifIhadtodoitalloveragainandletPennrelievemeofmy
virginity,Iwould.

MovingtowardthedoorhighlightedhowsoreIwas.Thetendernessofmyinnerthighs,theachiness

ofmycore.Theheavypullingmademewanttositdown,notwalkdownflightsofstairsandwaitona
coldstreetformydriver.

ButIwasn’twelcomeanymore.
Penn’sglaresaidasmuch.

Heliedaboutusbeingengaged,yetcouldn’tlieabouthowmuchheneededmegone.
Istoppedbytheexit,keepingmybackstiff.“Well,goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”He’descortedmetothedoorasifnottrustingmetoleaveonmyown.Reachingaround

me,heunlockedthedoorandopenedit.HepursedhislipsasIsteppedoverthethreshold.Hedidn’t
smileorofferawordofkindnessorevencondolences.

Itfeltlikeabreak-upeventhoughwewerenevertogether.
Ishrugged,fightingtheurgetofidget.“Um,thankyou.I...enjoyedthat.”
Aslightsmilewarredwithanimpenetrableglare.“Metoo.”
Nothingelse.
Nohug.Orpromisetodoitagainsoon.Justtwolittlewordsthatputafullstop—no,anentirepage

break—betweenwhat’dhappenedinhisbedroomandnow.

Questionswhisperedinmyear.Doyouwanttoseemeagain?Whydidyoukeepmylingerieandsex

toys?DidIfeelasgoodtoyouasyoudidtome?

Isilencedeachandeveryone.
Turningmyspinetosteel,Iraisedmychinandwalkedaway.

*****

Myphonewasdead.

Ofcourse,itwas.
Tonighthadgonefromblissfultofullofheartache,andIonlyhadmyselftoblame.Standingoutside

Penn’sbuilding,Itooknoteofhowfarmyapartmentwas.Ifigureditwaswalkingdistancebutdidn’t
knowhowlongitwouldtake.Andinheels,afteranincrediblylongday,andextremelypassionatesex,my
bodywasnotinthemoodtohikethroughthecity.

Anothernightslippedoverthisone.AnightwhereI’dwillinglysteppedfromtheconfinesofmy

companyandexploredwithoutaphoneorback-upplan.Namelesshadfoundme,savedme,andrelieved
meofsomesmallpartofmyinnocence.Tonight,Pennhadclaimedme,corruptedme,andstolentherest.

Bothnightshadleftmewithsadnessandunease.
Ishiveredasagustblewdownthestreet,encouragingmetowalkandponderratherthanstandlikean

idiotkickedoutofPenn’shome.

Puttingonefootinfrontoftheother,Ididn’tletthetickleofrejectionclimbupmyspineandsquaton

myshoulders.Ikeptfocusedandcool—nothingmorethanaCEOoutforamidnightstrollwithatorn
blouseandsorenessbetweenherlegs.

Ratherthantrampallthewayhome(andgetlostintheprocess),I’dwalktowardthebusiersideof

townandhailacab.Iwould’vegivenawayasmallfortuneformyphonetoworksoIcouldcallDavid.
Afewyearsago,Ihatedbeingsurroundedbystaffandnothavinganyfreedom.Now,Iappreciatedhaving
peopleItrusted.Itmademylifestream-line,notthismessyunknownIcurrentlylivedin.

Catchingacabhadn’tworkedwellformelasttime.Ihadanawfulfeelingsomethingterriblewould

happenagain.MainlybecausethesimilaritiesaboutthatnightwithNamelessandtonightwithPenn
couldn’tbeignored.

IletmyselfthinkfreelyaboutNameless—withoutfrustrationtowardmyfatherorguilt.Torecallthe

easeinhiscompanyeventhoughwehadjustmet.ThetrusthedemandedeventhoughIknewnothing
abouthim.IfeltsafewithNameless,despitetheoverwhelmingteenageattractionscramblingmyinsides.
WithPenn,Iwasterrifiedformywell-beingandpersonalrelationshipsashebowledthroughthemwith
falsehoods.

Myfatherdidn’tunderstandthat,insomeawfulway,I’ddoomedmyselfthatnight.I’dtakenan

adventurefullofdangerandkissesandmadeitfartooidealistic.IputNamelessonapedestalandfigured

ifIcouldn’thavehim,Ididn’twantanyone—effectivelyblindingmyselftootherprospects—othermen
whoIhadnodoubtwouldbejustasspecialandprobablymuchbettersuitedforme.

JustbecauseIdon’tlikeGregdoesn’tmeanIwon’tlikeeverymaleintheworld.
Andbesides,Iwasstillsoyoung.Dadforgotmyagemostofthetime.Hesawmeasthepillarofhis

companyandhishappiness.BecauseIdidn’thaveafamilyofmyownyet,hebelievedhe’dfailed.

Marryingmeoffwasn’taboutmebuthim.
Whydidn’tIseeitbefore?
Islammedtoastop.
Dadwasagoodparent,butwhenitcametohavingeverythingneatandorganized,heoverlookedmy

age,wants,andwhoIwasasanindividual.Sowhatifhewantedmetobepartneredoff?

Ididn’t.Notyet,atleast.
Itwastimetotellhimnottomeddleinmylifeanymoreandformetostopusinghisheartattackasan

excusetobowtohiseverycommand.

Noddinginresolution,Istrodeoffagainwithrenewedvigor.Theachebetweenmylegsthrobbed,

makingithardtoconcentrate,butforthefirsttimeinyears,Ifeltcalmer.LikeI’dtakencontrolofmy
futureinsomesmallway.

I’dsleptwithPennonmyownterms.Ithadn’tendedasnicelyasI’dhoped,butI’dusedhimand

enjoyedit.I’dexpandedBelleEllewithalineofadulttoys.Itwasriskyandtantalizing,butI’dmadethat
decision.

Iwasinchargeofallthings.
Icandothis.
Icanbehonestwithmyselfandhim.
Steppingoffthesidewalk,Icrossedthedesertedstreet,headingtowardtheglowofthebusiness

districtahead.

Unfortunately,NewYorkwasbipolarwhenitcametoawomanwalkingonherown.Onemoment,it

couldbethemostwelcominghostwithitstidystreetsandbeckoningstreetlights,andthenext,itcould
switchintoatwo-facedjokerwithpilesofrubbishandalonehoodedmanpatrollingtowardmebeneath
aburnedstreetlight,lettingdarknessswallowitwhole.

Islammedtoastop.Myheartleftitsnormalhomeinmyribstosplitintotwoanddropintomylegs.
Inanordinarysituation,onabrightsunnyday,havingafacelessstrangerprowltowardmewouldn’t

beanissue—mainlybecauseI’dhaveDavidthere.Butinthissituation?Itbotheredme.Alot.

Lookingbehindme,mybraincameupwithanddiscountedideasasquicklyastheycame.
Run.
Hide.
Walkforward.
ReturntoPenn’s.
He’sprobablyharmless.
You’rereadingintothings.
Regardlessofthetruth,noneofmyscatteredthoughtswereoptionsbecausethehoodedfigurelooked

up,revealingtheblackvoidwherehisfaceshouldbe.Thedistancebetweenusvanishedstepbystep.I
crossedthestreetagain,hopingIwasjustinhiswayandnothistarget.

Themomentmyfeettouchedtheotherside,themancopiedme.
Shit.
Thecrunchofhisdirtysneakersechoedinmyearsashecametoastandstillafewfeetahead.His

fistshungbyhisside,hislonglegsencasedinblackjeanswhilethedarkgrayhoodiewascoveredinred
stainsthatIhopedwerefromketchupandnotothersinistergoo.

Istoppedbreathing.

Wasthistheworld’scrueljoke?ThatIcouldn’tbesafeonmyownatall?ThatthetwotimesI’dbeen

withoutmydad,David,oranotherman,Iwasvictimtoanyonewhowantedtopreyonme?

WastheearthsexistandteachingmeIneededamantosurvive?
Angerscaldedawaymyfear.“Whatdoyouwant?”
Themanchuckled.“Money.”
“Idon’thaveany.Ileftmypursewithmydriver.”
Shit,shouldn’thavesaiddriver.
Helickedhislips—theonlythingvisiblebeneaththecapeofthehoodie.“Ah,you’reoneofthose.”
“Oneofwhat?”
“Richbitches.”Hecamecloser,reekingofunwashedbodyanddirt.“Gimmeyourmoney,andnoone

getshurt.”

Threeyearsago,Iwould’vescreamedforhelpandbolted.
Now,Iwashandicappedinheelsandachingfromsex.Iwasolder.I’dbattledmorewarswithmenin

thecorporateworld.Ifhewantedmoney,fine.Iwouldarguethatheshouldgoandearnsomeratherthan
stealfrominnocentpedestrians.

“Goaway.I’mnotinterested.”
“Notinterested?”Hecockedhishead.“Whatpartof‘gimmeyourmoney’soundslikeanegotiation?”
Icrossedmyarms,hopinghewouldn’tseemytornblousebeneath.“Doesn’tmatter.I’mnotgiving

youany.”

“Yes,youfuckingare.”Hisfistsclenched.“Now.”
“I’mnotlying.Ihavenomoney.”
Hetookanotherstep,forcingmetotakeoneback.
Hislipsturnedupinavindictivesmirk.“Jewelrythen.”Trailinghiseyesoverme,henoticedmy

crystalearrings.“Those.Gimme.”

Withouthesitation,Ipulledthemfrommylobesandhandedthemover.Iworenothingelse.No

braceletsorrings.TheonlynecklaceI’dlovedwasmysapphirestarthat’dbeenstolenfrommeinsuch
similarcircumstances.

“Andthefuckingrest.”Hepalmedmythirty-dollarearringsI’dsampledfromtheBelleEllecostume

jewelryrackasiftheyweretheHopediamond.

Isplayedmyhands,cursingmyshaking.“Itoldyou.Idon’thaveanythingelse.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’mtellingthetruth.”
Headvancedagain.Thistime,Iheldmygroundeventhoughmyheartonceagaingrabbeditsrape

whistlereadytoblow.

“HowaboutIsearchyou?Makesureyou’renotlying?”
Igrittedmyteeth.“Touchme,andyoudie.”
Helaughed;itbouncedoffthebuildingsstandingaswitnessestoourstandoff.“Sure,bitch.Whatyou

gonnado?Stabmewithyourshoe?”

Ilookeddownatmypatentsilverpumps—theflashofblingtomatchmyearrings.“Thanksforthe

idea.”

Kickingoneoff,Iquicklyscoopeditupandbrandishedthemetallicspikyheel.“You’vetakenwhatI

have.Now,getlost.”

Pushingbackhishood,hebaredhisteeth.Hewasn’tugly,andhewasn’thandsome.Hewasjusta

thief,hungryanddoingbadthings.“Idon’tthinkso,richbitch.”

Nothingabouthimwasfamiliar,buthewasalonelymaninahoodielateatnight.
Mycuriositywouldn’tforgivemeifIdidn’tconfirmforsure.

MytummyclenchedasIwentagainstsurvivalandleanedin.Isearchedhisface.Igaveintothe

consumingquestionthat’dpoppedintomyheadthemomenthe’dappeared.

Isithim?
WasitNameless?
Buthopeturnedtodust.
Itisn’thim.
Thismanwasolder—pushingpastthirty.Histeethwereblack,hisskinsallow,hishairlankand

thinning.HewasskinnyandaboutNameless’sheight,butunlesshewasareallyrough-lookingolder
brother,myhomelesssaviorwasn’there.

Hechargedforward,grabbingmybreastwithrancidfingers.“Can’tpayme,thenImightaswellhurt

you.”

“Getyourfuckinghandsoffme!”Istumbledback,swingingmyshoe,doingmybesttoconnect.
Heducked,grabbingme.
Istruck.
Viciousvictorywarmedmeasthesharpheelgrazedhistemple.
“Fuck!”Herearedback,holdingthesideofhisface.
ThatwasallIneeded.
Kickingoffmyothershoe,Iturnedandtransformedintosomethingthatcouldflee.Arabbit,agazelle,

ahorse,abird.

Ipushedeveryounceofpowerintomylegsandstruckoffbarefoot.
Ididn’tfocusonthepebbleshurtingmysoles.Ididn’tscreamasIstoodonapieceofbrokenbeer

bottle.Ididn’tcryasmyinsideshowledfrombeingusedandnowforcedtogallop.

Ijustfocusedonfreedom.Likeeverydayofmylife.
“Comebackhere,youbitch.Youoweme!”Thefootfallsofmyassailantgavechase,drivingmeto

grabeveryairmolecule,transformeverydregofenergy,andturnitintorocketfuelaspropulsion.

Icareenedaroundthecorner,spyingPenn’sbuilding.
Sofar.
I’llmakeit.
Iskiddedonanoldnewspaperbutdidn’tslowdown.
Thethiefcursedandgrumbled,keepingpacewithme,slowlycatchingup.
Headlightsappearedinthedistance,brightandglowing,warmandwelcoming.
Iflewoffthesidewalk,directlyintothecar’spath.
Insteadofslowingdowntohelp,thevehiclespedupasiftorunmeoveranddelivermycorpsetothe

mancurrentlywantingtohurtme.

Iwavedmyarms.“Stop.Help!”
Thedarknessinthecarshowedasingledriver,theirhandsclenchingthewheel.Hedrovedirectlyfor

me.Ihadasplitsecondtodecidewhattodo—wheretorunbeforehestruck.

Butthecollisionneverhappened.
Thedriverwrenchedthesteeringanddroveoverthecurb,slammingtoastop.
Theenginescreamedasthefrontdoorflungopenandamanleapedfromtheinterior.“Getinthe

fuckingcar.”Hepointedatme.“Now!”

Ittookasecondtoregister.
Myearsknewthatvoice.
Mybodyknewthatbody.
I’dneverbeensothankfultoseesomeone.Evenifhe’dthrownmefromhishouse.Evenifhehurtme

inwaysIwouldn’tadmit.

Pennthrewhimselfoverthehoodasthemanchasingmeskiddedtoastandstillonlyanarm’slength

fromgrabbingme.

Ipressedagainstthecar,mymouthgulpingair.Myfeetburningfromsprintingonconcreteanddebris.
ThenmypainwasnomoreasPennlaunchedhimselfattheman.“Youmotherfucker.”
Together,theywentdown.
Pennlandedontopofhimanddidn’tgivegravitythejoyofcrunchinghimintothepavementbefore

hisfistsrainedonhisface.

Hedidn’tspeak.Justbeathim.
Therobberdidhisbesttocoverhisfacewithhisarms,curlingup,tryingtopushPennoff.Buthe

didn’tstandachance.

Icountedone,two,three,four,fivefiststothejawbeforePenneffortlesslypushedofffromtheman’s

chestandstoodoverhim.

Hecrackedhisknucklesasifhe’djustwashedhishandsnotdousedtheminsomecriminal’sblood.

“Robagain.Trytorapeagain.Andyou’refuckingdead.”Withablackshoe,hekickedthemaninthe
ribcage.“Gotit?”

Theguylookedup,blinkingthrougharivuletofblood.Forasecond,hiseyeswereblank,fullofhate

andrebellion.ThentheyfocusedonPenn’sface.Onthewayhestoodsoregalandcalm,demanding
utmostobedience.Recognitionpoppedinvibrantcolor,andtherobberswayedtohisfeet,wrappingan
armaroundhiskickedchest,andholdinghisheadwiththeother.“Shit,it’syou.”

What?
Ifroze,desperatetoknowwhathemeant.
Pennstiffened.“Leave.Tonightisyourluckynight.”
Themannodded,droppinghiseyes,forgettingIevenexisted.Turninginhisfilthysneakers,hetook

offatastumblingjog.

Heranawaywithmyearrings,justlikethemeninthealleyranawaywithmysapphirestar.
I’dbeensavedagain,butthistime...allIfeltwasterrornotdesire.

ChapterTwenty-Four

“GETINTHEfuckingcar,Elle.”Penn’svoiceremainedlowandhushedbutrangwithsteelyauthority.

Heknewhim.
HeknewPenn.
How?Why?Whatdoesitmean?
Iblindlygrabbedthedoorhandleandcrackeditopen.Numb,Islidintothepassengerseatashe

strollednonchalantlytothedriver’ssideandclimbedin.

Afewsecondspassedafterthedoorsslammedshut,cocooningusinheavy,oppressivesilence.His

bloodyknucklesclenchedthesteeringwheelasifhecouldthrottleit.

Mythroathadpermanentlyclosedwithfearandquestions.So,somanyquestions.
HowdidthatmanknowPenn?
WhowasPenn?
Andwhy...justwhy...didhebeatupthatmanwiththesameeffortlessgraceasthemaninthealleythat

fatefulnight?

Pennreachedacrossthegearstick,placinghishandonmythigh.
Iflinched,yankingmylegstotheside.
Hisfingersdugintomymuscle,keepingwithme.Hebreathedhard,squeezedme,andthenletmego.

Pressingtheclutch,heslidthestillrumblingengineintogearanddroveoffthecurbandbackontothe
road.

Thebumpjostledus,butwedidn’tspeak.
Idaren’t.
Ididn’tknowwhattothink.
Partofmewantedtoover-analyzeeverything;toreplaythewayhedisciplinedthatguyandtryto

connectdotsthatweren’tthere.Myimaginationworkedover-time,doingitsbesttobelievethatperhapsI
knewNameless’identityallalong.Thatmaybe,justmaybe,he’dbeentheonetofindmeafterallthese
yearsandnotmefailingtofindhim.

Butoneawfulflawsatlikeatoadinthatperfectfantasy.Penndidn’thaveagentleboneinhisbody

likeNameless.Namelesswascoolandpricklybutbeneaththatarmorhadbeenkindness—sweet
wrappedupindaggers.

Pennwasjusttheblade,shinyandimpenetrable,onedimensionalwithrefractingsurfacestodistort

mytrueperception.

TheonlyproblemwasIcouldn’tdistinguishonepunchfromanother.Iwasseeingthings—making

thingsup—tryingtolinktwoveryseparateincidentsintoone.

Todowhat?
FindmeaninginwhyIsleptwithPenn?
ValidationthatIwasn’tsomeromance-brokengirl,afterall?
“Ioweyouanapology.”Hisvoicebarelyregisteredoverthehumofthetiresontheroad.
Itensed,staringoutthewindow.“Ioweyouthanks.”
Hisheadsnappedleftandrightindenial.“No.Ikickedyouout.Ithoughtyourdriverwouldcollect

you,butthenyouwalkedoff.”

“Youwerewatchingme?”

Hedidn’treply.“Youalmostgothurt.”
“ButIdidn’t.”
“Ifyouhad...fuck!”Hepunchedthesteeringwheel,makingthehornblare,shatteringthesleepinmany

apartments.“Iwould’vefuckingkilledhim.”

“Iwouldn’thaveaskedyouto.”
Heglowered.“Iwouldn’thavedoneitforyou.”
“Soyouwould’vetakenalifepurelybecauseyouwantedtoandnottosomehowavengeme?”
“Iwould’vekilledhimbecausehetouchedwhatwasn’thistotouch.”
Myheartbeatwild.“Soyouprotectedme,notbecauseIsharedyourbedandgaveupasignificant

partofme,butbecauseinyourtwistedideals,I’mapossessionthatonlyyoucantouch?”

Hisjawworkedashedrovefastthroughresidentialstreets.“Yes.”
“Notbecauseyoufeelanythingforme?”
“No.”
“Anythingatall.”
“Nothing.”
“Butthesexwasgood.”
“Yes.”
“Doyouwanttoseemeagain?”IhatedthatIhadtoask;thatIcaredabouttheanswer.He’dturned

intoabastardwhoterrifiedme.He’dhurtthatthiefwithsuchease.

Butwithhimemotionallywithdrawnandicy,ithelpedremindmewhatwehadwaspurelyphysical.I

didn’tlikehim.Notintheslightest.Ididn’tevenfeelsomeresemblanceofgratitude-inducedaffection
fromhimrescuingme.Heturnedeverythingthatcouldbegoodandexcitingintobadandunwanted.

ButI’dtastedwhatsexcouldbelike.AndIwantedmore.Iwantedtobeselfishforme.So,fornow,

I’daccepthisassholepersonaandignoremyquestions.

“Idon’tknow.”Hisconfessionwasn’twhatIexpected.
“Youdon’tknowifyouwanttosleepwithmeagain?”
Hehalf-smirked.“Wedidn’tsleeptogether,Elle.Wefucked.”
“Thanksfortheclarification.”Ihuffed,crossingmyarms.“Forgiveme;doyouwanttofuckme

again?”

Hisfingerslatchedtighteraroundthewheel,theleathercreaking.Foramoment,hisheadshookwitha

silentno.Thenacockysmirkstolethetruthwithyetanotherlie.“Yes,Iwanttofuckyouagain.”

Whythehesitation?
Whysayweareengagedifheonlyintendedtosleepwithmeonce?
Whythecoldshoulderandstrictboundaries?
Why,why,why?
“Good.”Isatprim,revelinghowtheacheinmywombturnedliquidagain.“Metoo.”Testingmy

innocentmouthwitheroticcommands,Iadded,“Ilikedfuckingyou.Iwantmore.”

Hisgazeshotfromtheroadtomine.“More?”
Iswallowed,fightingbackmyembarrassment.“Iwantyouruh...cock.Iwantyouinsidemeagain.”
Hegroanedandfocusedontheroad,thespeedwetraveledfartoofast.“Fuckyouforsayingthat.”
“Excuseme?”
“Youheardme.”
Ihadnocome-backforbeingcursedat.
Howrude.
Whatanass!
Isatsilent,stewingastheneighborhoodswitchedtooneIknewandmypenthouseontopofthewhite

sparklingbuildingupaheadbeckonedmehome.

Home.
WhereSagewouldbewaitingandPenncouldfuckoffwithhissecrets,curses,andlies.
Pullingtoastop,heturnedoffthecarandclimbedout.
Ididn’twaitforhimtogetmydoor.Crackingitopen,Ijumpedoutonlytowinceandhobbleasthe

cutsfromrunningtormentedme.

“Fuck,lookatyourfeet.”BeforeIcouldreply,hescoopedmeintohisarmsandcarriedmetoward

mybuilding.

Thedoormannoddedandopenedthelargeentrywaywithoutshowinganysignsofshock.Pennlefthis

blackMercedescoupeparkedhaphazardlyonthestreetandmarchedmethroughthefoyerofmybuilding.

“Everythingokay,Ms.Charlston?”Danny,thenightmanager,called.Hislinedfaceworriedbeneath

thenavycapofhisuniform.HeeyedPennwithwariness.

PreventingmefromyellingforhelporforDannytocallsecurity,Penngrowled,“I’mtakingmy

fiancéetoherapartment.She’sfine.”

Isquirmedinhisarms.“Youarenotmyfiancé.Stoptellingeveryonethat.”WavingatDanny,doing

mybesttokeepupappearancesratherthanpanictheneighborhood,Isaid,“Everything'sfine.Sorryfor
theoddentry.”

Dannywavedback,frowningandunsurebutpoliteenoughnottointrude.
Themomentweleftthefoyerandenteredthebankofelevators,Ihissed,“Putmedown.”Ipushedat

Penn’schest.“Icanwalk.”

“Yourfeetarebleeding.”
“Idon’tcare.Iwantyougone.”
Helookeddown,hisbrowneyesborderingoak-black.“Thatwasn’twhatyousaidafewmoments

ago.”

“Thatwasbeforeyoutoldmetofuckoff.”
“Ididn’ttellyoutofuckoff.Isaidfuckyou.There’sadifference.”
“There'snodifference.”
Hepunchedtheelevatorbuttonandstrodeintoitasthedoorsopenedinstantly.“Pressyourfloor.”
Ididsothenfrozeasthedoorswhisperedshut,imprisoningus.“Wait,howthehelldoyouknow

whereIlive?”

“Iresearched.”
“Youstalked,youmean.”
Onceagain,hedidn’treply.Therideupwardwasawkwardandstrangeandloadedwithevery

foreignsensationimaginable.Ihatedhimholdingme,butIlikedhisprotectionatthesametime.Ihated
thewayhetookcontrolbutlikedhisneedtomakesureIwassafe.

Ugh,Ijusthatehim.
Idon’tlikeanyoftheotherstuff.
Theelevatorstopped,andPennsteppedoff,pausinginthemiddleofthefancywidehallway.Two

doors—leftandright.Twopenthousestakingupone-halfoftheentireflooreach.

Heglancedatme.“Whichone?”
Icrossedmyarms—orthebestIcouldwhilereclininginhisembrace.“Don’tyoualreadyknow?”
Hisgazetangledwithmine,deliberatingtoshowmeatruthorlie.
Hechosethetruth.
Stridingtowardtheleftdoor—thecorrectdoor—hewaitedwhileIinputtedthenine-digitcoderather

thanasimplekeythenleanedonthedoorhandletoenter.

Imadeamentalnotetochangethesequencetomorrow,seeingashiseagleeyeshadwatchedthenine

digitswithquickintelligence.

Hisattentionswoopedovermyfoyerwhereachandelierhungfromtheceilingincrystalglitterbefore

poolingontothefloorwithaglasstableimprisoningit.Forastatementpiece,ithadoodlesofwow
factor.

Aloudmeowsoundedjustbeforeasilverstreakchargedfromthewhitecouchfacingthefloor-to-

ceilingwindowsdirectlyforPenn.Sagelatchedontohisleg,nodoubtsinkingherclawsintohiscalf.

Ilaughedsoftly.“SeemsI’mnottheonlyonewhodoesn’tlikeyou.”
“Thefeelingismutual,Iassureyou.”Wincing,hestalkedforward—withSagestillclingingtohisleg

—enteringmysleekkitchen,whereeverycupboardlookedlikeahighglosswallwithnohandlesor
appliancesinsight—allhiddenormagicallydesignedtokeepsuchnecessitiesoflifeamystery.

Placingmeonthewhitebenchtop,hegrabbedSage,rippedheroffhisjeans,andplonkedherdown

besideme.Sheswattedhim,hissing,butimmediatelyleapedintomylapandpurred,stretchingtolickmy
chinwithhersandpapertongue.

“Youdidwell.”Iscratchedherneck.“Thanksforprotectingme.”
Pennsnorted,turningtolocatethesink.Hewouldn’tfindit.Itwashiddenbeneathalargeslabof

benchtopthatrevealedthetapandbowlwithapressofabuttonbymyorchidplant.

Hesearchedfortwosecondsthenstalkedoff,leavingmegapingafterhim.
Wherethehellishegoing?
Afewmomentslater,hereturnedwithawhitetowelfromtheguestpowderroomandabowlthathad

containedbluemarblesfordecorationnowfilledwithtepidwater.

Withoutaword,hedroppedtohiskneesandgrabbedmyfoot.
Ifroze,speechlessashewetthetowelthenslowly,carefully,withallthetendernessintheworld

washedmyfeet,runningthetowelso,sogentlyoverthelacerationsfromthebeerbottleI’drunover.

Isuckedinagasp,mybreathwobblyashecleanedthetowelandthewaterturnedpinkwithmy

blood.

Therewasnothingelseinthatmoment.
Noquestions.Nolies.Nolust.
JusthimgivinghimselfinwaysIneverimaginedhewould.
Myheartstoppedthudding,settlingfortheslightesttiptoeasifafraidonewrongmoveornoisewould

shatterthisstrangenewexistence.

Hishandswereswiftbutsure,softbutserious.Hedidn’tticklemewhilehefeltmyinsteptomake

surenodebrisremained,andhedidn’ttakeadvantagewhenmylegsspreadwithinstinctasherubbedmy
anklewithhisthumb.

Hetendedtome,andonceIwastendedto,hestood,placedthebowlontothecounter,thengrabbed

myfaceinhiswarmhands.

Hestaredintomyeyes,barriersinplace,curtainsprotectinghistruethoughts.Hedidn’tspeak,buthe

leanedforwardandhislipsclaimedmineinthemostsensualkissI’deverbeengiven.

Histonguewasvelvet.Hismouthcashmere.
Iswoonedintohim,utterlyseducedandunbound.
Therewasmagicinthiskiss,aspellpromisingsecrets,aconnectiontoseverallotherconnections.
Andthen,itwasover.
Assilentlyashe’dwashedmyfeet,heturnedaroundandwalkedoutofmyapartment.
Justlikethat.

ChapterTwenty-Five

AFEWDAYSpassed.

Ididn’tcontacthim.
Hedidn’tcontactme.
Itwasasifheneverexisted.
Ifitweren’tforthefadingcutsandbruisesonmyfeet,Iwould’vestruggledtobelievethenightathis

placeevenhappened.

Mymindwasabrokenrecord—evenworkcouldn’tdistractme.
AllIcouldthinkaboutwasPennwashingmyfeet,Pennhittingthatguy,Pennslidinginsideme.
He’dshowntwototallydifferentsidesofhimself,andIcouldn’tunscramblewhatitmeant.I’dhoped

havingsometimetomyselfwoulddeliverdecisionsonwhattodo.Tomakeupmymindtoforgetabout
himorchasetheanswersslowlyturningmehollow.

Spread-sheetsandconferencescallsdidn’thelp,andthelackofcontactdidtheoppositeofwhatI

wanted.Myheartgrewfonder(justlikethatstupidsaying).Myidioticmindsketchedhiminakinderlight
thantheonehe’dshown.Isecond-guessedhispretensionandconceit,makingupstoriesthatwould
explainhissuddenswitchtoguardianandmedicallinone.

JustlikemyunpaiddebttoNameless,IhadonetowardPennnow.Iowedhimthanksattheveryleast

forensuringIreturnedhomesafeandmyinjuriesweredisinfected.

Whenhefinallydidtextme,Inolongerwantedhimtofalloffthefaceoftheplanetbutwasgratefulto

hearfromhim.

Penn(08:47a.m.):Howareyourfeet?
Elle(08:52a.m.):Fine.Ineversaidthanksfortakingcareofme.
Penn(09:00a.m.):Areyousayingitnow?
Elle(09:03a.m.):Maybe.
Penn(09:06a.m.):Areyousore?
Elle(09:08a.m.):Myfeet?
Penn(09:08a.m.):No.TheotherpartItouchedthatnight.
Sexbetweenusexplodedintomysenses:sight,sound,taste,feel—Iwasn’tinmyofficebutbackin

hisbed.IhadnointentionoflettinghimknowhowmuchIwantedasecondround.

Elle(09:09a.m.):Ohyes,that’sright.I’dforgottenaboutthat.
Pen(09:10a.m.):Doyouwantmetorefreshyourmemory?
Elle(09:11a.m.):Perhapsyoushould.
Penn(09:12a.m.):Iwanttofuckyouagain.
Elle(09:14a.m.):Sodoit.
Penn(09:17a.m.):Fairwarning,Iwon’tgosoeasyonyounexttime.
Ichokedalittle.
I’dplayedfairlyeasytocatch,andthethoughtoftanglinginbedtogethersoundedfartootempting.

ButifIlethimintomybodyagain,Imightnotbeabletokeepmyfeelingsoutofit.Damnhimforwashing
myfeetandshowingmehecouldcare.HowcouldIkeepmyheartfrostyifhe’dthawedalittle?

TheanswerwasIcouldn’t.

We’dslepttogether.We’dhadthreedaysapart.Itwasagoodtimetoendthischaradebefore

everyonehe’dliedtogothurt.I’dthankedhim.Icouldmoveon.

Elle(09:20a.m.):I’vechangedmymind.
Penn(09:23a.m.):Whatthefuckdoesthatmean?
Elle(09:27a.m.):Itmeansthesexwasamazing,butitdoesn’tchangethefactyouliedtomy

father.YoumadehimthinkhecanrelaxknowingI’mgoingtobetakencareof—hiswords,notmine.I
can’tlethimbelievewe’retrulytogether.Hehasheartissues.Ienjoyedtheothernightbutdon’t
expectanythingmore.Let’sendthisnowbeforeitgetscomplicated.

Notextcameback.
Myphonevibratedaliveinmyhand.
Penncalling...
“Oh,shit.”Huddlingovermydesk,IdeliberatedwhetherIshouldignorethecall.Problemwashe

knewIwasaroundbecauseI’drespondedtohistexts.

Suckinginabreath,Ipressedaccept.“Hello.”
“Don’thellome,Elle.”
“Okay...”
“Don’tokayme,either.Especiallyinthattone.”Hisvoicedrippedwithsex,poolingdirectlyintomy

core.

“Well,ifyou’renotgoingtoletmespeak,whythehelldidyoucallme?”
“I’lltellyouwhy.BecauseIfoundyourlastmessageridiculous.”
Iheldmytongue,waitingforhimtocontinue.
“ItsohappensI’vespokentoyourfather.”
“What?”
“Andheapprovesofus.”
“He’llapproveofanyonewithapenisandapulse.”
Aslongasit’snotNamelessorsomeonewithacriminalrecord.
“Thanksforthatstabatmyself-worth,”hepurred.“Nevertheless,Ihavealunchdatewithhimtoday.

Ifyousayyou’resorryandadmityouwantmetomakeyoucomeagain,Imightletyoujoinus.”

Icouldn’tdothis.
“Holdup.Youmightletmecomeonadatewithmyownfather?”Irolledmyeyes,gloweringatSage

assheprancedovermydesk.“Ican’thearyoubecauseyouregoissoinflated.”

“Ithinkyoumeanmycock.Mycockisinflatedthinkingaboutfuckingyouagain.”Hisvoicedropped

fromcrudetocool.“I’mmeetingyourfatherattheTropicsinthreehours.Comeordon’t.Yourchoice.”

Hehungup.
IhadagoodmindtocallhimbackandscreechthatIwasn’tsomepossessiontobeplayedoratoyto

betormented.Butsomeoneknockedonmydoor.“Elle?”

Ohno,thisdayjustkeepsgettingworse.
“Yes,Greg,youcancomein.”
Hestrodeinwithallthearrogantairsofaplayboydressedinababybluepoloandpressedjeans.His

darkblondhairwastussledinjusttherightwaytohinthewasalwaysthisgoodlookingwithnoeffort,
whenIhappenedtoknow—frommanychildhoodget-togethers—thathetookhoursinthebathroom
manscaping.

YetanotherreasonwhyIcouldneverbewithGreg.Hevaluedhisappearancemorethananyother

thinginhislife...includingwhateverwomanheendedupwithashiswife.

“Hi,Elle.”Heperchedontheedgeofmydesk,hisbuttnudgingasidepaperclipsandscatteringpens.

“Whatchadoingtoday?”

Sagegavehimakitty-glowerandleapedofftheglasstoreturntohernestofblanketsbymyfeet.

Iforcedmyselfnottorollmyeyes.“Theusual.Runningmyfamily’scompany.You?”
“Justhadtheweeklybriefwithmyoldman.Logisticsisboringcomparedtoallthenumber-juggling

youguysgettodouphere.”

WhenGregleftschool,Steveandmyfatherhadworkedoutapositionforhimtofill.Apositionthat

wouldn’taffectBelleElle’sreputationorbottomlineifhelostinterestorscrewedup.Beingtheheadof
thelogisticsdepartmentoughttobeafull-time,full-onoccupation,buthisexecutiveassistantwasfartoo
goodatherjob,andGregtookthatasanopportunitytoplayretired.

“It’snotfun.”Ismiledhugeandbright.“Believeme.”
Andyou’renotallowedtofiddlewiththingsyouknownothingaboutanddon’tgivetwocrapsover.
Hepluckedmyturquoiseinkfountainpenandspunitinhisfingers.“Wanttogotodinnerwithme

tonight?HangingatthePalmPoliticswiththosegirlsfromyourschoolwasfun.”Heflashedmeagrin.“I
enjoyedit.AndIknowourfathersdid.They’resohappywegottogetheronourownaccordandnotata
familydinner.”

Unabletohelpmyself,Igrabbedthepenfromhisfingersandplaceditbackonthedesk.“Sorry,Greg,

I’mbusy.Maybenexttime.”

“Nexttimewhat?”Hiseyesnarrowed,thatedgeofdarknessrevealingitself.“Nextweek,youmean?

Nextmonth?When,Elle?I’mnotgoingtowaitaroundforyouforever,youknow.”

Thefaintestclangingofwarningbellsbegan.Hissmileremained,buttheharshmalicehemanagedto

hidesowellglimmered.

Isattaller.Mywilltobecordialfadedundertheneedtokickhimintheballsandshowhimthathe

might’veseenmeintutusandcryingoverbullies,buthedidn’tknowmenow.Iwouldn’tputupwithhis
passive-aggressivebehavior—certainlynotinmyoffice.

“Ineveraskedyoutowait,Greg.Infact,IdistinctlyremembertellingyouIonlywanttobefriends.”
Hescoffed,onceagainsnatchingmypen,daringmetostealitbackasheclenchedithardinhisfist.

“See,that’sthethingwithyou,Elle.Yousendmixedmessages.”

Irubbedtheangerpricklingmyarms.“Don’tconfuseyourownmeddlingformyapproval.”
Heleanedforward,bringingspiteandjealousywhiffingintomynose.“Idon’tmeddle.Youwantme.

Everyonefuckingknowsthat.”

Ipursedmylips,hatingthewaymyheartscamperedwhenIwantedtoremainangry.
ItwouldbesoeasytodowhatPenndidandlie.TosayIwaswithhimnow.Engaged.ButIwouldn’t

dothatbecauseIdidn’tneedPenntofightmybattlesforme.Besides,PennhadtoldhimpointblankthatI
washisnow,yetGregtriedtoclaimmeanyway.

Iwentwitharoundaboutlie.Adressed-uplittlefib.“You’remistaken.I’mwithsomeone.”
“Bullshit.Gooutwithme.Onedate.What’ssobadaboutmethatyouwon’teveneatwithme?”His

annoyanceshimmeredlikeabloodthirstyguillotinereadytofall.“Stopbeingsuchabitch.”

Thegentleclangingofbellsturnedintoanorchestraofcaution.Ihatedhimloomingoverme,perched

onmydesk.Istood,pushingmychairback,andcrossingmyarms.“Callmeabitchagain,andI’llhave
youfired.”

Heslappedhisthigh.“God,you’readorablewhenyouactallCEO.”
Iignoredthat.
Reachingfortheonlything—theonlyperson—whopoppedintomyhead,Isnapped,“Areyou

expectingmetocheaton,Penn?”

Heguffawed.“Cheat?Comeon,Elle.Iknowit’sallascam.You’veknowntheguytwominutes.I’ve

knownyoufortwenty-twoyears.Hedoesn’tstandachance.”Heleanedforward,smellingcleanand
soap-likecomparedtoPenn’smysteriousdeepaftershave.“You’rehavingafling.Shit,I’vehadthemtoo.
YouthinkImindifyoufuckhim?”

Ibaredmyteeth,holdingmyground.“Youshouldifyou’reasinlovewithmeasyouclaim.”

Hissmilewastoxic.“Love?Whosaidanythingaboutlove?Isaidwe’remeanttobetogether.We’re

compatible.OurfamiliesownBelleElle,andweworksidebyside.I’mnotafraidofsomebullshit
assholewhothinkshecanstealwhat’sminebystickinghisdickinyou.”

Everynerveendingwantedtoboltoutthedoor.MyeyesshottotheintercombuttonwhereFleur

couldbringreinforcements.Alonewithhiminmyofficewasworsethanaloneonastreetwithathief.

Ican’tlethimgetawaywiththisidiocy.Suchtreason.
Rebuttalscameswift,formingfastonthetypewriterofmymind,slippingintoorderlyfashionto

schoolhim.I’dhadenoughpracticewithbastardslikehim.

Youdon’tintimidateme,asshole.
Gregcontinued,lovingthesoundofhisownthreat.“You’vehadyourfling,Elle.ButI’mtheone

you’remeanttobewith.I’mtheonewhohasourfathers’blessings,andI’mtheonewhodeservesBelle
Elle,nothimorsomeotherschmuckwhothinkstheycanstealwhat’smine—”

Mypatiencesnapped.
Ileftprimandproperandembracedfireandferocity.
Grabbinghisbabybluepoloinmyfist,Iyankedhimoffmydesk.Hestumbledtohisfeet,shock

makinghimpliable.

“Listentome,Greg,andlistengood.”Myvoicewasahiss.“Youwillneverandhaveneverowned

BelleElle.BelleElleismine.Youworkhere.You.Are.My.Employee.IfyouthinkIwouldevermarry
someonelikeyou—someonepompousandself-centeredandnasty—thenalltheyearstogetherhaven’t
taughtyouathing.Iruleyou,Greg,sogetthefuckoutofmyoffice,getbacktologistics,doyourgoddamn
job,andifyouevertrytothreatenmeagain,I’llcallthepolice.”Ishovedhimawayfromme.“AmI
perfectlyclear?”

Forasecond,theworldteetered.Twoscenarioslivedsidebyside.
One,mebleedingonthefloorfromGreg’spunch,myskirtripped,andhishandswheretheyshould

neverbe.

Andtwo,himbackingdownandfinallyconcedingdefeat.
Iwasstupidnottorecognizethewarbrewingbetweenus.ToletSteveandmyfathermakeitseem

likeaharmlessflirtationwhileGreghadalreadykickedmefrommyofficeandplasteredhisnameover
theplaqueonthedoor.

He’dbeencountingmymoneyandpowersinceheleftdiapers.
“Thisistheendofwhateverthisis,gotit?”Iheldmyheadhighandpointedatthedoor.Sagemeowed

loudlyinsupport.“Leave.Now.Iwon’taskagain.”

Slowly,aslysmileslitheredoverhislips.Henolongerlookedpreppybutprovokedandalready

planningretaliation.“Iseeyou’renotalittlegirlanylonger,Elle.”Heswayedforward.“Ilikeit.”

“Getout!”
Hechuckledandstrodetothedoor,leavingmegobsmackedthathe’dobeyed.
Openingit,heturnedandblewmeakiss.“Justsoyouknow,yourlittlespeechwascute,butIknow

youdon’tmeanit.You’reasmuchaliarasthatassholeyou’refucking.”Hewiggledhisfingers
condescendinglyingoodbye.“I’llvisityounextweek,Elle—giveyousometimetocooldown.”

Hiseyesturnedtoice.“However,thenexttimeIcomeforyou;nexttimeIaskpolitelyforyoutojoin

meonadate,you’regoingtosayyes,Noelle.Justwatch.”

ChapterTwenty-Six

“ELLE!WHATApleasantsurprise.”Myfatherstoodfromtheneatlydressedtablewithatoucanbird
arrangementandmulti-coloredwaterglassesstarkagainstthewhitetable-cloth.Eventhecutleryhad
splashesofcolorintheformofengravedparrotfeathersonthehandles.Therestaurantwasn’tcalledthe
Tropicsfornothing.

“Hi,Dad.”Iacceptedhischeek-kiss,smoothingdownmylightgraydresswithblackandpinkpanels

onthesides.Theskirtwastight,justlikethebodice,makingself-consciousnesstanglewiththeanxious
residueofdealingwithGreg.

Hewouldn’tbackdown—Isawthatnow.
I’ddonemybesttobeproductiveafterhe’dleft,butmyinstinctswouldn’tstopringingthosedamn

awfulalarmbells,andmymindraninapanictryingtofindasolution.

I’dtoldGregIwouldfirehim,butwithoutcause,hecouldsue.Nottomentionthemessitwould

causebetweenDadandSteve.

Theywerebest-friends.Suchgoodfriends,Ihonestlydidn’tknowwhosesideDadwouldpickifI

toldhimIwantedGregdealtwithandgone.

Isuckedinabreath,tryingtocalmdown.Thestupidcouturedressrestrictedmyribsfromexpanding.

Onceagain,I’dbeendressedinsomethingagainstmywill.

WhenI’dtoldFleurtoholdmyafternoonmeetingsbecauseIhadtogomonitoralunchbetweenmy

fatherandPenn,sheshotdowntotheretailfloorandreturnedwiththisdress,alacescarfmadefrom
bohemianwool(whateverthatwas),andsinglestuddiamondearrings.

Myhairsheleftloosebutaddedafewcurlswhiletherestshestraightened.Ithungevenlongerthan

normaldownmyback.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Myfathersmiled,pullingoutachairandinvitingmetosit.“NotthatI

don’twantyouhere,ofcourse.”

IknewDadwouldarrivefifteenminutesbeforePenn.Hewasforeverpunctual—tomeetingsorlunch

dates,eventhetheaterproductionsmyschoolforcedmetoparticipateinwhenIwasachild.

Pennwouldbeontime,Ihadnodoubt.ButIwouldusethesefewpreciousminutesalonewithDadto

myadvantage.First,IwoulddealwithPenn,andthenIwoulddealwithGreg.

Notwastinganytime,Igrabbedtheyellowandgreennapkinandspreaditovermylap.“Weneedto

talk,Dad.QuicklybeforePennshowsup.”

Hiseyebrowrose.“Howdidyouknowhe’smylunchcompanion?”
“Becausehetoldme.HementionedIcouldjoin,soI’mnotgatecrashingwithoutaninvitation.”
Hisfacemeltedwithromance.“Ah,younglove.Hecan’tstandtospendevenafewhoursawayfrom

you.”

Yes,that’swhyhe’savoidedmeforthreedays.
Iavoidedtellinghimthat,alongwithalltheothersecretsIsuddenlyseemedtohavefrommyfather.
Isthatwhatlustandlovedo?Doesitsegmentoffaperson’slifefromshareabletoprivate?
I’dbeensoopenaboutmyentireworldbeforePenncamealong.Now,Istruggledforsubjectsthat

wereappropriate.

Takingasipofthewateralreadysparklinginrainbowglasses,Iblurted,“PennandIaren’treally

engaged—justlikeI’vebeentellingyoufromthebeginning.”

Dadfroze.“What?”
“Heliedtoyou.Ihavenoideawhatheintendstodoorsaytoday,butIwantedtotellyou...noneofit

istrue.IfhestartstellingyouI’mpregnantorthatwe’reelopingtoCubaorI’mmovinginwithhim...don't
believeawordofit.Okay?”

Hisfaceturnedwhite.Hereachedforhiswater.
Fearforhishearttriedtogagme,tostealbackwhatI’dsaidandtellhimitwasalla

misunderstanding;thatIwastheonelying.Only,heshockedmebyasking,“Couldyoubepregnant?”His
eyesfilledwithwisdomhedidn’toftenletmesee.Foramansosuccessfulinbusiness,heembracedhis
kookynatureandwhimsicalfancysomuch,hemademeforgethowintelligenthewas—hownodeal—
goodorbad—wentthroughwithouthisscrutiny.“Whywouldhelieaboutyoubeingpregnantifthereis
notruthtoyoubeingtogether?”

Mylipsgluedtight.Ihadnoanswertothat.
Heloweredhisvoice,glancingattheotherdinersinthequaintrestaurantthatservedhealthysalads

andlightlunches.Theceilinghadbeenpaintedwitharainforestcanopy.Thewindowsadornedwith
artworkofdanglingspidermonkeyswhiletheoccasionalpythondrippedfromalightfixture.“Behonest
now,BellButton.”

Ishookmyhead.“I’m—no.We’renottogether.”
“Butyouhavebeen.”
“We’renotengaged.That’sallyouneedtoknow.”
“Notyet,anyway.Iadmititwasabitquick,andIwasgoingtoaddresshisintentionstodayandgetto

knowhimalittlebetter,butyoucan’tdenyyou’reinterestedinhimandhe’sinterestedinyou.It’sallover
you,Elle.”

Ididn’tlikethesoundofthat.
What’salloverme?
ThetensionfromdealingwithGreg,ortheapprehensionfromdealingwithPenn?
Imisseduncomplicated.Imissedbeingalonewithoutmalesmessingthingsup.
Brushingasidethatnastyrevelation,Ileanedforward.“IfIaskyoutodosomethingforme...would

you?”

Heansweredwithnohesitation.“Anything.Youknowthat.”Heplacedhishandovermineonmy

napkin.“Nameit.”

“Hireaprivateinvestigator.”
“What?”
“ResearchPennEverett.”
“Why?”Hiseyesnarrowed.“Hashehurtyou?Didsomethinghappen?”Helookedmeupanddown

asifhecouldseebruisesandmisdoingsandwasreadytoshoottheguyinawildwestduel.

“No,butsomethingdoesn’tsitright.Somethinghappenedtheothernight.Itmademethinkaboutthe

manImentionedwhenIwasarrestedinCentralPark.”

Hisbodylanguageshutdown.
Heremovedhistouch,sittingtallerinhischair.“Ithoughtweagreedthatthatnonsensewasover.You

didyourbesttofindthatboy.Ishuttledyouaroundlawcourtsandpolicestationswithnothingmorethan
avaguedescription.Iwaspatient,Elle.Iwentalongwithyourdesiretotrackhimdown,butwedidn’t
findhim.Ithoughtyou’dletthatgo.”

Ionlyletyouthinkthat.I’mstilllooking.Stillhoping.
“Ihad—Imean,Ihave.ButIwouldlikesomeonetolookintoPenn’sbackground.Wherehe’sfrom,

whohisparentsare,whatdoeshedo?Doeshehaveacriminalrecord,forgoodness’sake?Isthattoo
muchtoask?”

“It’snottoomuchtoask.”Thatsexy,silkycommandingtoneslippeddownthebackofmyneck.“In

fact,ifyoudoexactlythat—ask—I’llgladlyfillinthoseblankswithouthiringsomeonetotellyou.”

“Ah,Mr.Everett.Imean,Penn.”Myfatherstood,extendinghishandinwelcome.“Pleasuretosee

youagain.”

Iremainedstraight-backedinmychair,notapologizingforwhatPennhadoverheardevenwhenI

wantednothingmorethantohuddleinshame.

PennshookDad’shandthenturnedhisendlessdarkgazeonme.“Goahead,Elle.Iinvitedyouhereso

youcouldaskquestions.Thatwemighthaveaconversationratherthanbaseourconnectiononpurely
physical.”

Iblanched,glancingatDad.Pennjustadmittedwehadasexualrelationship.
MyfathercrinkledhisnosealittlebeforeclearinghisthroatandofferingPenntotaketheseatnextto

me.“Yes,conversationcanbeveryworthwhile.Ithinkit’sagreatidea.”Heglaredinmydirection.His
staresaiditall:youwanttoknowsomething?Nowisthetime...soask.

ChapterTwenty-Seven

MYQUESTIONSSATheavierandheavierwitheverysecondthattickedpast.

Thisshamofalunchdatehadbeengoingonforfortyminutesinwhichtimeawaitressinabright

orangeuniformhadtakenourorders:DadhadaVietnameseporksalad,PennhadaThaibeefnoodle,and
Ihadamangofishsalsa.

Theartfullypresentedmealshadbeendelivered,andasweate,Pennandmyfathersharedtidbitsof

golfinghandicaps,bestcoursesaroundAmerica,whatPennplannedtodowithhisbenefactornowhewas
feelingbetter,andeveryotherboringnonsensenon-importanttopictheycouldcover.

NotoncedidhementionStewart—hisson.
NotapeepaboutLarry—hisfriend/brother/father/secretlover.
Notawhisperonthepastherefusedtoshare.
BythetimeI’dfinishedeating,mystomachchurned,andangersimmeredsohot,Icouldn’tdamperit

nomatterhowmuchwaterIdrank.

Greghadignitedmytemper.Pennjustaddedrocketfuel.
DadnoticedIwasstrungup.Hedidn’tmakeiteasieronmebytryingtolinkmeintoconversations

withopen-endedsuggestionslike,“ElleusedtocomewithmeontheoddtimeIwentfishing.Doyoulike
tofish,Penn?Perhapsyoutwocouldspendsometimetogetherawayfromthecity?”

Pennpushedawayhisemptyplate,cradlingaglassofwater.Hehadn’torderedanyalcoholasifhe

didn’twanthismindtobeaffectedinanyway.“Idon’tliketofish.ButI’mopentospendingtimewith
Elleinotherways.”Helickedhisbottomlipfreefromawaterdroplet.“Infact,wecouldgoawaynext
weekend,ifyou’dlike?Ihavetovisitafriendoutofthecity.”

Icrossedmyutensils,pushingawaytherestofmylunch.Itwasnowornever.“Whatfriend?”
Dadglancedatme,hearingmysharptone.Hedidn’treprimand,though.Settlingintohischair,he

gavePennandmethespacetodiscusseverythingwe’dleftunsaid.

Pennplacedhisglassonthetable,narrowinghiseyes.
Thiswasthestartofthebattle.
Bringiton.
“Doyoureallywanttoknowthetruth,Elle?”
“Yes.”
“Sometimesliesareeasier.”
“TruthistheonlythingIwant.”
“Fine.”Heranahandthroughhishair,disruptingthedarkshine,encouragingwaywardhighlightsto

glimmer.“MyfriendisinFishkillCorrectionalFacility.Ivisithimwhentimepermits.”

“Prison?”Ifrowned.“Wait,isn’tthataplaceformentallydisturbed?”
“Insanepeople?”Pennshookhishead.“Itusedtobe.Notanymore.Nowit’samediumsecurity.”
Dadleanedforward,finishingoffhisporksaladwithagrimace.TheglowofPenn’scompanyand

rosyhopeforahappyfuturewasmarredbythementionofaprison.

Ichewedasmile.
Dadasked,“Whatdidyourfrienddo?”
Pennclearedhisthroat—notinanembarrassedwaybutmoreofa‘howmuchtoreveal’pause.“He’s

athief.”

Athief.
Thepunchesfromtheothernight.
ThewayPenndidn’thesitatetocausebodilyharm.
There’dbeentwointhatalleythreeyearsago.Twomenwho’dtriedtorobandrapeme.Wasit

possiblePennwasoneofthem?OrwasheNameless?Acold-heartedversionoftheherowithno
remainingempathy?OrwashesomeonecompletelydifferentandI’dmadeallthecluesupinmyhead?

Ineededtofocus,butafterdealingwithGreg,IstruggledtoseePennasmuchasathreatasIdid

before.Hewasanuisancewithhisstory-telling,buthewasn’tmaliciouslikeGreghadrevealed.

Icouldn’tdecidewhatquestiontoask,soIskippedtoanotherjustasimportant.“Doesyoursonlive

withyou?”

Pennscowled,hisbodytensingagainstthesubjectchange.“Whydoyouthinkhe’smyson?”
Iscrunchedmynapkin.Washeabouttolieagain?“IsawyouatBelleElle.Hespokeaboutyouand

Larryasfatherfigures.”

“Fatherfigures,”herepeatednoncommittally.
“Whatdoesthatevenmean?”Mytemperspiked.“Youare,oryou’renot.”
“Iam,andI’mnot.”
Icrossedmyarms,doingmybestnottooverflowwithannoyance.“Thatisn’tevenananswer.”
Dadjumpedin.“Whatyou’resayingishe’sadopted?”
Pennsmiled,grantinghimrespectbutnotme.“Onthewaytobeingadopted,yes.”
“Ontheway?”Isniped.
“Yes,thepaperworkhasbeenfiled.We’reawaitingthegoodnews.”
“We?”
“LarryandI.”
“Soyouaregay?”
PennlookedatmecondescendinglyasifIjustdidn’tgetit.“No,Elle.I’mnotgay.”Takinganothersip

ofwater,hiseyesdarkenedovertherim.“Ithoughtweclarifiedthattheothernightwhenyoucametomy
homeaskingmetohelpyouwithasmallmatter.”

Dadlockedhisgazeonme.“Asmallmatter?Iseverythingokay,Elle?”
Ifoughttheheatbloomingonmycheeks.“Yes.”Myteethlockedtogether,makingithardtoreply.

“Fine.Pennisjustbeingtroublesome.”

“I’mbeingtroublesome?”Hepointedathimself,shakinghishead.“Ithinkyou’llfindI’mbeing

nothingbutcooperative.”

“Ifyouwerebeingcooperative,youwouldtellmewhoyoutrulyare,whereyoucamefrom,who

Larryis,whoStewiebelongsto,andwhatthehellyourfriendisdoinginFishkill.”Ibreathedhard,not
caringmyfatherwatchedmeasifIwasabouttosnap.I’dalreadysnappedoncetoday,andIbouncedon
thetightropetobreakagain.“Tellmethetruth,Penn—ifthatisevenyourname.Thenperhapswe’llsee
howcooperativeIcanbe.”

Silencecloakedthetable.Myoutburstranginmyears.
Penndidn’tmove.
Dadshiftedinhisseat,butIremainedlockedinavisionbattlewiththemanwho’dtakenmyvirginity,

kickedmeout,thenrescuedme.

Ididn’twanttoadmitit,butbeneathmyhateanddislikeandmistrustandwarinesswasthefluttering

offeelings.Whenhe’dwashedmyfeet...I’dsoftened.Whenhe’dpressedinsideme,I’dcaved.Ididn’t
wanttoacknowledgeit,buthe’daffectedmemorethanjustphysically.

AndIhatedthatmorethananything.
Thisisn’tworthit.
Ihadabusinesstorun.Gregtodealwith.Distractionssuchasthiswereawasteofmytime.

Standing,Ithrewmynapkinonmydirtyplateandsniffed.“Youknowwhat?Inolongercare.Itwasa

pleasuregettingtoknowyou,Mr.Everett,butIdon’twanttoseeyouagain.”

Turningtomyfather,Iadded,“We’renotengaged,Dad,norhaveweeverbeen,trustme.Isleptwith

him—youmightaswellknowthat,seeingashe’simplieditineveryinnuendohecould.DoIfeelgood
aboutthat?No.DoIregretit?Yes.AmIpissedheliedtoyouaboutourengagement?Morethananything.
Now,ifyou’llexcuseme,I’mreturningtotheofficewhereI’mincontrolanddon’thavetoputupwith
menlikehim—”IpointedafingeratPenn’scarefullyschooledexpression.

Ididn’twaitformyfather’sreply.OrforPenn’srebuttal.
AsIstalkedpasttablesfulloflaughingdiners,Icrushedmyheartforflyingsofast.I’ddonenothing

butrunawayfromthatmansincewe’dmet.

Idisguiseditwithblusterandbravery,butreally,Iwasterrifiedofhim.
Petrifiedofthewayhemademefeelbeneathmydislike.
ScaredofthewaymyinstinctsnudgedmeharderandhardertolookpastthemanandseesomeoneI

thoughtI’dneverfind.

Butmostofall,Iwasdisappointedinmyself.
Becauseforthefirsttime,I’dbeentheonetolie.
EverythingI’dsaidtomyfather,everywordI’dgrowledaboutPenn—wasn’ttrue.
Ifeltgoodaboutsleepingwithhim.
Ididn’tregretathing.
Andyes,Iwasannoyedabouthislies,butIwasmoreinterestedinthesnippetsoftruthbehindthem.
Itdidn’tmatternow.
Ihadotherfightstowin.
It’sover.

ChapterTwenty-Eight

CENTRALPARKHADtwofaces.

Thesinfuloneitshowedinsilvermoonlightwithhoodednamelessmen,andtheinnocentonewhere

sunshinedappledgreengrassandchildrensquealedinthedistance.

It’dbeensolongsinceI’dstrolledthroughthelushgreenery.
Threeyearstoolong.
Nameless...
Hewasinthetreesandthebreeze.
Hewasallaroundmebutneverthere.
Myheelsclippedonthesidewalk,keepingmelockedinthefuryvortexoftherestaurant.Needingto

calmmyheartrate,Islippedofftheprettypink(butcrippling)shoesandswitchedpavementforturf.

Thespringysoftnessgavesimplicitytothecomplicationmylifehadbecomeoverthepastfewweeks.
TheTropicsrestaurantwasnestledinaprimepositionontheborderofthepark.Ihadintendedtocall

Davidimmediatelytocollectme,butthenthesunshinepromisedtocalmmebeforebook-keepingand
runningstaffaddedadifferentkindofstress.

Iwouldwalkforabit,soakupsomevitaminD,andthencallDavidtoreturntoBelleElleanddeal

withthepileofworryI’dleftthere.I’dcuddleSage,workuntilmyeyesweretoosore,thenreturnhome
andlockeverysingledooragainsttheworld.

Ihadn’tgonefar—afewminutesatmostwhenfootstepssoundedbehindme.Firmandfaultless,

masculineandmovingfast.

MybacktingledasIstrodeintoafasterpace.
IfitwaswhoIthoughtitwas,Ididn’twanttotalktohim.
Pacingquickerdidn’thelp.
Angryfingersloopedaroundmyelbow,yankingmebackward.“Youdon’tgettoleave,Elle.Notlike

that.”Hiseyeswerebrighterinthesun—moreagedportthanoakwhiskey.Afewlinesetchedaroundhis
mouthasifhestruggledjustasmuchasIdid.

Whichdidn’tmakeanysense,ashe’dbeentheonemessingmearoundsincethebeginning.Hewas

theonewho’dcausedGregtoexplodewithjealousyandthreatenme.Hewasatfaultinallofthis.

Ijerkedmyarmback,breakinghishold.Heonlyletmegobecauseawomanwithastrollernarrowed

hereyesasshewentpast.“Stopfollowingme.”Ifellintoanotherbarefootstride,cursinghimwhenhe
matchedmyrhythm,joiningmeonthegrass,hisblackshoesglintinginthesun.

Ihatedthatinhisgraphitesuitwithiceblueshirt,hecameacrossaspricelessandsharpasa

diamond.Therewerenomistakesinhisveneer.Nohesitation—asifheheldalltheclues.

Whichhedoes.
“Youaskquestions,yetdidn’tstickaroundtoheartheanswers.”
Isnorted.“Asifyou’dtellmethetruth.”
Hisfingersloopedwithmine,pullingmebackgentlythistime.
Igaspedasheranhisthumbovermyknuckles.Hisfacesoftened.Hisshouldersfell.Somehow,he

switchedthefightbetweenusintoawhiteflag.Theurgetopushandpush—tocrackhisfaçade—paused,
willingtoaccepthiminthatmoment.Maskandall.

Hehalf-smiled,amixtureofreluctanceandtolerance.“Tryme.Askagain.”

Iblinkedasthesunblindedme,dancingoffhishair,hidinghisfaceforasecond,sohestoodthere

withnofeaturesorbelongingtoaname.

Hecould’vebeenanyone.
Hecould’vebeenNameless.
Hecould’vebeenoneofthemenwhomuggedme.
He’sastrangerIletinsideme.
IshudderedatahowirresponsibleI’dbeen.HowI’dletmyselfbeglamouredbyhisfancygamesand

prettyface.HowI’dletlusttakeordinarybraincellsandtransformthemintoflirtatiousfloozies.

Idon’tlikehim.
Idon’tlikehim.
Idon’t.
Thesunsparkled,burningmyliesevenasIforcedthemtobetrue.
Tirednesssuddenlyblanketedme,heavyandthick,stiflingandoppressive.Therewasonlyone

answerIneededtomakealltheotherquestionsobsolete.Justone.Thebiggestoneofall.“Youwantme
toask?Fine,I’llask.”Iinhaleddeepandjumpedin.“Whereyouwereonthe19

th

ofJunethreeyears

ago?”

Nothinghappened.
Notrumpets,nochoir,nostreamersatwinningthemagicalprizeforaskingtherightquestion.
Therewasnoflinchorshockoroutrightdenial.
ThedatewhenI’dmetNameless,whenI’dkissedhiminthisverypark,meantabsolutelynothingto

Penn.

Hisbodyremainedrelaxed,hisheadcockedcuriouslytotheside.“What?”
Iwantedtotellhimtoforgetit.
Thatallmysillysleuthingandponderingswerewrong.
Ihadmyanswer.
ButnowI’drippedoffthatparticularbandage,Icouldn’tstop.Ihadtoletitoutbeforeitcrippledme.

“Itwasmynineteenthbirthday.IranawayfromBelleElleforonenightalone.Iwalked,Iexplored,Iwas
hurtbytwomen.Athirdsavedme.”Isuckedinabreathasemotionsthatshould’vesubduedandfadedby
nowswelled.“Hebroughtmehere.ToCentralPark.Wekissed.”Imovedcloser.

Hesteppedback,hisfacehardeningwiththingsIcouldn’tdecipher.
“Weatechocolate.Wefeltsomething—”
“Penn,thereyouare.You’resoonerthanIexpected.”
Amanappearedfromthepassingcrowd,holdingaremotecontrolairplanewithStewiebyhisside.

Thekidclutchedacontrollerasifdyingtoactivatetheplaneandsenditsoaringratherthanleaveit
trappedintheolderman’sgrip.

Pennexhaledhard,hisfaceetchedwiththingsIdesperatelywantedtounderstand.Hisposturehad

somehowlostitssedatesoftness,mimickingagranitestatue.Hismouthatightline.Hisfistscurledrocks.

Tearinghisgazeawayfrommine,hevisiblystruggledtosmile.Heshovedhishandsintohispockets

inamixtureofdefianceandself-protection—justlikeanotherI’dknownonceuponatime.“Hi,Larry.”

Ijolted.
Larry.
SothisisLarry.
Myhabitofstudyingpeoplewhowereeitherinbusinessorinsomewayadvantageoustomecame

back.IguessedLarrywasinhismid-sixtieswithsaltandpepperhair,stockybuild,andintelligence
brimmingbehindblackframedglasses.HelookedatPennwithutmostfondnessandpride.

Penntookastepbackfromme.
Invisibleropessnapped,untetheringuswithpainfulricochets.

Mypreviousconfessionvanishedasifit’dneverbeen,destinednevertobeclarifiedordenied.
Clearinghisthroat,Pennregroupedandperformedsocialniceties.“Larry,thisisNoelleCharlston.

Elle,thisisLarryBarns.Mybenefactor.”

Twoanswersinone.
LarryandInodded,extendinghandstoshake.Hisgripwaswarmfromholdingtheairplane,his

fingersgruffbutkind.“Pleasure.I’veheardalotaboutyou.”

MyeyeswidenedasIflickedaquickglancetoPenn.When,how,andwhywouldPenndiscussthis

sorryexcuseofarelationship?Whywouldhetalktoanotheryetnevertalktome?

Becauseyou’rejustagirlinhisbed.Thismanshareshislifeandsecrets.
I’dneverbeenajealousperson,butIsuddenlyunderstoodthegreenacrimonyknowingPennwould

neverletmeinlikeLarry.ThatIwaswastingmytime—timeI’dstupidlyspentwhenI’dpromisedmyself
myheartwasimpartialtowhateverPennconjured.

JumpinginbeforePenncould,Isaid,“Happytomeetyou,too.I’veheardyournameinpassing.”A

smallpartofmewantedtohurtPenn;toruinwhatevertaleshe’dtoldthismanaboutme.“Imustclarifya
fewthingsupfront.I’mnotengagedtoPennandhavenointentionofeverdoingso.”

Larrychuckled.“Oh,Iknowyou’renotengaged.”
Itookastepback.“Ah,well,I’mglad.Iwasn’tawarewhatrenditionofliesPennhadtoldyou.”
Pennhadthedecencytoflinch.“Imightnothaveethicsaspureasyou,butIdon’tlietoLarry.Ever.”
Theysharedalookthatweighedwithcountlessyears,trials,andconfidentiality.
Theintimacymademeuncomfortable.Notbecausetheywerelovers,likeI’dthought,butbecause

theywerefatherandsonineverysenseoftheword.Itdidn’tmattertheyhaddifferentlastnamesandmost
likelyblood—familywascreatednotborn.

Myeyesfelltotheboystillhankeringafterhisremotecontrolairplane.Hishairtousledinthewind,

hiseyesbrightandhappy.

Stewiewaspartofthatfamily.Soon—accordingtoPenn—he’dbelegallypartofitifitweretrue

aboutanadoption.Butthatdidn’thelpunscramblemyotherquestions.IfPennwasadoptingStewie,did
thatmeanheknewStewie'smotherandfeltobligated?Perhaps,LarrywastheoneadoptingandnotPenn?
WouldthatmakeStewiehisbrother?

Whattitlesdideachhaveinthisweirdfamilydynamic?Myheadhurttryingtofigureitout.
Stewietuckedthecontrollerunderhisarm,reachingfortheairplaneinLarry’shold.“Ifyouguysare

gonnastandaroundtalking,I’mgonnaflyBumbleBee.”Intypicalboyfashion,hehadn’tacknowledged
meornoticedtheheavytensionbetweentheadults.

Itookadeepbreath,ignoringthemenandfocusingontheboy.“YourplaneiscalledBumbleBee?”
Stewienodded.“Yup.”Hepointedatthetailwhereahandpaintedbeeinitsblackandyellowglory

glowed.

“Wow,verycool.Betithoversreallywell.”
“Nah,itsoars.”Stewiegrinned.Today,hewasn’tinthesuitPennhadhadtailoredforhim.Instead,he

worejeansandagreent-shirtwiththeslogan,Idon’tthinkoutsidethebox.Inevergotinit.

Hisinnocencetuggedatapieceofme.Ienviedhimalittle.EnviedhimforbeingapartofPenn’slife

—knowinghiminawayIdidn’tandprobablyneverwould.Evenifwedidgiveourconnectionachance,
howcouldIeverbesurewhathetoldmewasthetruth?

Larryasked,“Didyouhaveagoodlunchtogether?”
IraisedaneyebrowatPenn,lettinghimanswerthat.Hemuttered,“Itendedsoonerthanitshould’ve.”
Inoddedathisreply.“Itdid.Butforvalidreasons.”
Larryrubbedhisjaw,brushinggraybristlesfromnotshavingthismorning.“Ah,Isee.”Hesmiled.

“Well,IhavenodoubtPennwillmakeupforit,Elle.Youdon’tmindifIcallyouElle,doyou?”

Ishookmyhead.“No,it’sfine.”

“Comeon...canIfly?”Stewieshuffledonthespot,eyeingtheopengrassjustdownthepath.
Larrychuckled.“Yes,yes,impatientone.Let’sgo.”
Stewiewhoopedandshotoff,carryingthemassiveplanelikehewouldanoversizepuppywithhis

armswrappedtight.

“You’rewelcometocomeandwatch,”Larryinvited,motioningformetojoinhim.
Myfirstinstinctwastoshakemyheadandbackaway.“Oh,no,that’sallright.”
ButPennsteppedcloser,hiseyesdazzlinginthesun.“Come.”
Heblindedme.Dumbfoundedme.Didhealwayslooksoresplendent,sopersuading?Orwasitthe

warmthofthesunshineandthefactmybodyheatedwithnowfamiliarneed?Inolongerhadskinbuta
mapofdesirethatneededtobetouched.“Idon’tknow—”

“Youwantanswers,butyou’retooafraidtochasethem.”Hesteppedback,withdrawinghis

overpoweringintensityformetogowiththem.“Ithoughtyouknewhowtofightharderthanthat.”

Hisvoicedeepenedonthewordfight.
Myearstwitched.
Washeadmittingtosomething?
Orwasitmemerelyreadingintothingsagain?
“Comeon,Elle.Tenminutes.What’stheharm?”Larrygrinned.“I’dbehonoredtoenjoyyour

companyalittlelonger.”

Mywillpowerfizzled.
Ifoundmyselfnodding.“Okay.”

ChapterTwenty-Nine

STEWIEWASRIGHT.

BumbleBeedidsoar,climbingpastthetreelineintotheceruleanbluehorizon.
“He’sdonethatafewtimes.”Isquintedupward,myhandshieldingmyeyesfromtheglare.
“Hehas.Itwashisbirthdaypresentafewmonthsago.Everychancehegets,hepractices.”Larry

clappedasStewieexecutedaperfectswandiveandrecovery.“He’sobsessiveaboutthingshewants.
Doesn’tletitgountilhe’sperfectedwhateveritishe’schasing.”

PennstoodontheothersideofLarry,closedofftome,usingtheexcusetowatchStewie'saerobatics

toavoidlookingatme.

Stewieranforwardastheplanecaughtagustofairandwobbledmid-flight.Hedidn’tlookwherehe

wasgoingandtrippedoveratwiginthemiddleofthefield.

“Oh,no!”IslappedahandtomymouthasStewietoppledforward.
Penncharged.
Withspeednotquitehuman,hescoopedStewiemid-fallandswepthimaroundinacircleusinghis

inertiabeforeplacinghimonhisfeet.

Stewielaughed,high-fivedhim,andcontinuedflyinghisplaneasifnothinghadhappened.
Yeteverythinghadhappened.
Tome,atleast.
InthatmicrosecondwhenPenncaughtStewie,allshieldsweredown.Hewasyounger,older,kinder,

crueler,innocent,andguiltyallatonce.IsawhintsofwhatIdaren’tbelievewaspossible.Myhearttook
overandhammeredwithhope.

Eachthudwasaquestion.
Whatif?
Whatif?
Whatif?
WhatifPennwasNameless?
WhatifLarryhadsomehowfoundhim,savedhimfromprison,anddonewhatI’dfailedtodo?
Whatifhe’dcomebackforme?
Butifthatwastrue,whywashesomean?Whysoclosedoffandimpenetrable?We’dfeltsomething

thatnight.Somethingrealifonlysofleeting.Whypunishme?

Wouldyoulistentoyourself?
You’remakingupstoriesthathavenoearthlywayofbeingtrue.
You’reworsethanDisneywithyouridealsoftrueloveagainstanyodds.
Thisisreality,Elle!
Larryinterruptedmyinnerscalding.“Pennsaidyouhavequestionsthathehasn’tansweredyet.”
Istartled.“Headmittedtothat?”
“Ofcourse.We’reopenaboutmostthings.”
“That’sanhonorablething.”Iknittedmyfingerstogether.“Hetoldmeyou’dcometoNewYorkfor

treatment.Judgingbyhowwellyoulook,Ithinkitworked.”

Larryranahandoverhisbristle-coveredjaw.“IhatethatIhadtoleanonhimsomuch.”Hissmile

wassad.“Nothinghasmorepowerthanseeingsomeoneyoucareaboutsickorgrieving.”Heshrugged

thesuddendysphoriaaway.“Butyou’reright.Thetreatmentworked.Thankgoodness.Iwasn’tprepared
toleavejustyet.IhavetoomanythingstodobeforeIgo.”

“Things?”
“Peopleandthings.”Hesmiledsecretively.“Mywork,andnowPenn’s,isneverdone.”
Mybraindriedup.Ihadnoreply.Ididn’tknowwhathemeantorhowtoaskforclarification.
“Pennmentionedhe’dtakenyoutothenewbuildinghejustbought.Whatdidyouthink?”Larry

promptedwithanewbutjustasaggravatingsubject.

“WhatdidIthink?”
“Allthatspace.It’sexciting,isn’tit?”
“Spacetodowhat?”
Larrywinked.“He’lltellyou.It’snotmysecrettoruin.”Helookedatmepointedly.“Iseeyou

struggling.Ifmysuggestionmeansanything—whichIknowisaskingalot,seeingasyoudon’tknowme—
butifyouwanttoknowhim,givehimachance.Itisn’twhatyouthink.Andyou’llneedanopenmindto
accept.Butwe’reallalittlecorrupt,doingourbesttofitintoaworldthat’sbrokenbutstilldemands
perfection.”

“What—whatdoyoumeanbythat?”
“Imeanthievescanbecomesaints.Saintscanbecomethieves.Mostofusdeserveasecondchance.”
Pennlookedupatthatmoment,hisdarkgazetargetingmine.Hehalf-smiled,hishandsloosebyhis

sides,hisbodystraightbutnotasstiffasbefore.Withoutthinking,heplacedhispalmonStewie’s
shoulderashebumpedintohim,racingbelowBumbleBeenotlookingwherehisfeetweregoing.

Thatsimplecaress—soexpectedandwantedwasenoughtocrackmyalreadyfracturedshell.
Penn’shairwasnolongershinywithsunlightbutcoveredwithablackbaseballcap.EitherStewie

hadgivenittohim,orhe’dhadithiddeninapocket.Eitherway,itshieldedhiseyes,andIsawanother
scenarioIdidn’twanttosee.

Penncouldeasilybenoone.Hecouldbesomeone.Hecouldbepainorhappinessorheartbreak.
Thatwastheproblem.
HowwasIsupposedtofallforaliar?
Blindly?
Trustingly?
Notatall?
Ineededtime.
Ineededspace.
Ineedtothink.
“Itwaslovelytomeetyou,Larry.”ItoremygazefromPenn’sandsmiledattheoldergentleman.

“I’vegottogo.”

IleftbeforePenncouldchangemymindforthesecondtime.

ChapterThirty

SAGECURLEDUPonmylapasIsippedaglassofsparklingapplejuiceandstaredatsomeTVprogram
Ihadn’tpaidattentiontoforthepasttwohours.

EversinceleavingCentralPark,I’dbeeninafogIcouldn’tshake.
I’dreturnedtoworkbuthadbeenabsolutelyhopeless.Stevehadfoundmeheadingintomyofficeand

askedhowGregandIwere.Heactedasifhedidn’tknowhissonhadthreatenedme,andIdidn’twantto
flippantlytellhiminaBelleEllehallway.Ischeduledameetingwithhimnexttimehewasfreeto
discussaleashforhiswildheathenofason.

Dadhadn’treturnedtotheofficeaftertherestaurant,Fleuransweredmyurgentemailsonmybehalf,

andforthefirsttimesinceIhadmyappendixouttwoandhalfyearsago,Iclaimedhealthreasonsand
headedhometodomybesttogetmyheadonstraight.

Gregworriedme.
Dadconcernedme.
Steveannoyedme.
AndPenn...Pennclaimedmythoughtsinmyhomeasmuchashehadintheparkoratmyoffice.
Myhearthadaboxwiththreedifferentpuzzlesmixedupinside.Thepiecesweretangled,theiredges

abletofittogethertoformanincorrectFrankensteinofthreescenes,butunlessthethreepuzzleswere
separated,noneofthemweretrue.

Puzzleone:Pennwasnobodybutasuccessfulbusinessmanwhowasboredandlikedtolie.
Puzzletwo:PennwasNamelessandtreatingmewithcontemptbecause...?
Puzzlethree:Ihavenoideawhat’spuzzlethree.
“WhatamIdoing,Sage?”Icuddledherclose,drawingcomfortfromherwarmthandfamiliarity.

“I’vesleptwiththeguyonce,andIsuddenlycan’tstopthinkingabouthim?Isthatnormalbehavior?No
wonderloveisfrownedupon.It’saworkaholic’snightmare.”

Shepurred,notevenbotheringtoopenhereyesandanswerme.
Aknockreverberatedthroughmyapartment.Forasecond,IthoughtitwastheTV,butthenitcame

againfrombehindme.

Thedoor.
Someoneisatmyfrontdoor.
Theonlypeoplewhoevervisited(makethatperson)wasDad.
Nooneelse.
Don’tletitbehim.Please.
Theknockcameagain.
Andagainafewsecondslater.
“Thisisn’tfair,”IbreathedintoSage’sfurasIscoopedherintomyarmsandclimbedoffthecouch.

EverystepItooktowardthefrontdoorsentmyheartchuggingaproverbialwinebottleuntilIwobbled
withfakeintoxication.

Lookingthroughthepeephole,Pennstoodsmartindifferentclothesthanthisafternoon’slunchdate.

He’dputonlight-coloredjeansandawhitelongsleevet-shirtthatsentmylibidomelting.

“Idon’thaveanythingtosaytoyou.”Ihopedhecouldhearmethroughthedoor.“Please,goaway.”

“I’mnotleaving.Openup.”Heheldupabrownpaperbagwithagoldembossedlogoontheside.

“I’vebroughtdessert.”

Dessert?
Itwastenp.m.onaweek-day.Mostnormalpeoplehadfinishedeatingbynowandwerewinding

downforbed.

ShiftingSageintoonearm,Ireluctantlyopenedthedoor.“Bribingmewithsugarwon’twork.”
“Areyousureaboutthat?”Hesmirked.“Youopenedthedoor,didn’tyou?”
Iscowledashesteppedoverthethresholduninvited.“Onlytotellyoufacetofacetogoaway.”
“Tellmeafterwe’vehadasugarfix.”
Igrumbledundermybreathandshutthedoor.Followinghimintomykitchen,Itookpityonhimthis

timeandmotionedtowardthesheerwallwhereasimplepushopenedthecupboardholdingthecutlery.

Hefoundtheutensils,grabbedtwospoons,thenskirtedaroundmeandheadedtowardthecouch.

Droppinghisweightintothecomfywhiteleather,heplacedthebrownpaperbagontheglasscoffeetable
andpulledouttwocontainersofchocolatemousse.

TheemblemofthebakerywasfromtheGildedCocoa.Ahighmarketdelicatessenthatservedthebest

pastriesandconfectioneryinNewYork.

Fine,Iwouldadmit.Hehadgoodtaste.
Sagedecidedshe’dhadenoughattentionandleapedfrommyarms.Landingonfourdaintyfeet,she

tookoffintomybedroomwherenodoubtshewouldclaimmypillowlikeshedideverynight,tellingme
innouncertaintermsthatmybedwasactuallyhers.

“Areyougoingtohaveoneofthese,orareyougoingtomakemeadiabetic?”Pennglancedoverhis

shoulder,eyeingmyblackmaxidress.

I’dmadethemistakeofshoweringwhenIgothome—hopingitwouldrelaxme—thendressinginmy

comfiestpieceofclothing.

Withnounderwear.
Ididn’twanttoeatmoussewithPenninmyapartmentwithnounderwearon.
“Sit,Elle.Forfuck’ssake.”
“Don’tswear.”Ishuffledaroundthecouchandtookastiffseatbesidehim.
“Don’ttellmewhattodo.”
“Don’tturnupuninvitedtomyapartment.”
“Don’tfuckingaskquestionsyou’renotpreparedtoheartheanswersto.”
Webreathedhard,fistsclenched,fireglowinginourveins.
Reachingforthechocolate,Pennshovedaglasscontainerintomyhandandjabbedaspoonintothe

other.“Eat.Thenifmycompanyissogoddamnrepulsive,I’llleave.”

“Idon’tevenwantdessert.”
“Christ,youtestme.”Shiftingcloser,hestolethespoonhe’donlyjustgivenme,scoopedupa

decadentsizedmouthfulofchocolate,andpresseditagainstmylips.“Takeit.”

Ipressedmymouthtogether.Thescentofrichcocoaandcreammademytastebudstingle,butI

wasn’trefusingthesweet—IwasrefusinghimforreasonsIcouldnolongertrulyremember.

Hesmearedthechocolateovermylips,paintingmewithediblelipstick.“Open,Elle.”Hecouldn’t

tearhiseyesaway,hischestrisingandfallingthemoreheteasedmewiththedessert.“Open,justonce.”

Hisvoicethrobbedwithsuddenneed.
Ireactedtohislust,inhalingquickly,openingjustenoughforhimtoslipthespoonintomymouth.The

momentthecoldmetalhitmytongue,andtherichnessofchocolatemoussesangonmytastebuds,I
moanedalittle.

Hisjawclenchedashewithdrewtheutensil,leavingthemorselbehindformetosuck.Ididn’tchew.

Iletitdissolveandinfiltratemybloodwitharushofsweet,sweetsugar.

“Again.”Hisvoicenolongerresembledamanbutabeastachingforsex.Mynippleshardened

beneathmydressasIobeyedwithoutquestionthistime.

Theheatinthelivingroomincreasedbyathousanddegrees.Hescorchedmewitheverymove,stare,

andcommand.

Lustwasn’tjustaword;itwasanaxethatcutallchainsofpropriety.Itwasthegunthatshotcommon-

sensedead.Lustwasakidnapperandkillerallinone.

Gatheringmorechocolate,hesuckedthespoonclean,histongueflashingouttomakesurehecaught

everylastdrop.Thefacthesharedmyspoon,lickedmyspoondidcrazythingstomytummy.

Anotherscoopofchocolate.
Thistime,heinchedcloser,placingthecontaineronthecoffeetableandgrabbingmynapewithhis

freehand.Holdingmesteady,hepressedthemoussetomymouth,breathinghard.

Iopenedforhim.
Heplacedthedessertonmytongue.
Isuckedthesweetnessoff.
Hewithdrewthespoon.
Hedidn’tgivemeachancetoswallow.
Hisfingerstightenedaroundmyneck,jerkingmeforward.Itumbledintohim,mymouthopeningin

surprise,hislipssmashingagainstminewithviolence.

Histonguemetmine,thechocolatethickandcloyingandrifewithmemoriesofanotherchocolate

kiss.

Nameless.
I’dbeenfightingforsolong.Toolong.Icarriedguilttooheavy.Iwallowedinshametoogreat.

KissingPennwhilemyheartremainedinthepastwithanotherchocolatekisserunraveledme.

Thelongday.
Theangst,theworry,theunknown.
Isnapped.
Throwingmyselfintohisarms,Iintensifiedthekissuntilourteethsmashedandviolencewasthe

themenotdesire.

Hefoughtback,lettinghimselfgo.
Hishandstoreatmydress,findingthestrapsonmyshouldersandshovingthemdowntoimprisonmy

armswhilefreeingmybreasts.

Shovingmebackward,heinstantlysmotheredmewithhisbody.“Youwantthis?Youwanttofucking

dothis?”

Inodded,unhinged.“Yes,fuckme.Don’tholdback.”
“Jesus,Ican't.Ican’tholdbackanymore.”
Itwasmessy,sugarriddled,andfullofthingsweneededtosay,butwehadnotimeorrationalityleft

totalk.

Shovingmydressup,hefoundIwasn’twearingunderwear.
Helostthelastshredofdecency.“Fuck,Elle.Just—fuck.”Hecrushedme,hismouthsuffocating

mine,histastebecomingthatofchocolateandsin.Hisfingersfoundmywetness.Hisbodyconvulsedas
hejammedhiserectionintomythigh.

Ididn’twaitforinstructions.
Grabbinghisbelt,Iundidtheloops,unzippedhisfly,andsankmyhandintohistightboxer-briefsto

grasphishotlength.

Hisbackturnedrigidashepressedintomypalm.
Twofingersspearedintome,fillingmefastandhard.
Icriedout.

Hesilencedmewithyetanotherdangerouskiss.
Histhumblandedonmyclit,rubbingmeincircleswhilehisfingersrockedagainstmyG-spot.
Everythinglockedtight.Thequiveringneedbuiltandbuilt.Thedesiretosnapmylegsclosedmade

mesquirmbeneathhim.

“Condom.Backpocket,”hesnarled,workingmehard.
Somehow,Imanagedtoslipmyhandintohisjeansandfindthecondom.Ishatteredbetweenlivingin

thebrewingorgasmandforcingmyselftoremainsaneenoughtowraphiminlatexsohecouldfuckme.

Thethoughtofhimreplacinghisfingersandjusthowincrediblygooditwouldfeelwastheonlything

thatkeptmecoherentenoughtoripopenthepacket,rolldowntheslipperyprotection,andsheathhim.

Henippedmyneck,shovingmyhandawayandwedginghimselfbetweenmylegs.
“Youdon’tgettorunfromthis.Notagain.”Hethrust.
Hedidn’tlineuportakemegently.
Onemoment,weweretwopeople.
Thenext,wewereone.
Mybodyscreamedashesplitmeinhalf.
Thensobbedastheorgasmhe’dconjuredturnedintosomethingwithserratedbladesforteethand

sharp,sharpbliss.

“Lookatme.”Hedroveintomeagain.“Lookatmeifyou’regoingtocome.”
Thetighteninghurriedinsideme.Hishipspumpedintomine,ourclothingforgotteninourrushtojoin.
Mygazelockedwithhis,imprisonedforeternitybythefiercetriumph,theepicguilt,thetangledlies

hewebbed.

Iwasnolongerashyvirgin.Iwasnolongerameekwoman.IwaspastanyshameImightendureby

lettinggoandlivingentirelyinthismoment.“Fuckme.Please.”

“Come.ThenIwill.”
Howhadhecompletelypossessedme?Howwasithe’dclaimedmesoIwoulddoanythingheasked,

beanythinghewanted?”

Pleasurebuiltintoasupernova,roaring,pulsing,demandingtopulverizeintostars.
Hethrustagain,angerpaintinghisface.“Givein,Elle.You’remine.”Hishipskeptpunishing,adding

punctuationtohiseroticism.“Youknowit.Ifuckingknowit.Soletmefuckingclaimyou.”

Iclosedmyeyes.Icouldn’tlookathim.Icouldn’tlethimseethatIwantedtoletgo.Thatallmylife

ofbusinesswheelinganddealingwasnothingcomparedtowhatthisfeltlike.ButIdidn’ttrusthim.And
trustwastoobigaproblemtoignore.

Icouldneverjustlistenandnotquestion.I’dneverbeabletofullyletgo,openup,andstopsearching

forhissecrets.

Butthatconclusioncouldbesharedafter.
Rightnow,Iwouldobeybecauseitmeantwe’dbothfindmutualhappinessifonlyforafeworgasmic

seconds.

Then...Iwouldshowhimthedoor.
Forgood.
Hishipsdroveintome.“Stopthinking.Letmeinsideyou.”
Itookitfiguratively,openingmylegswider.
HisprimalgrowlechoedinmychestasIgaveintohim.Iwentsupple,submittingentirely.Heangled

himselfhigher,somehowswoopingupright,hoistingmeintohisarmswhilestillfillingmedeep.

Sittingonhiskneesonthecouch,hecradledmeinhisarmswhilemylegsdrapedeithersideofhim.

Hisfingersbecamewhite-knuckledastheylockedaroundmyhips,keepingmewedgedasfardownhis
cockashecould.

Hisheadfellforwardashewatchedusfucking.Slowing,hiscockpulsedinsideme,draggingoutthe

pleasuretoagonizingjoy.

“Oh,God,yes...likethat.”MybodyturnedlimpasIfocusedcompletelyinward.Hesupportedmeas

hediditagain,slowlylearningmeasIlearnedhim,tradingourdictionaries,ourthesauruses,making
senseofthisnewlanguagewe’ddeveloped.

“Please,Penn,”Iwhimperedasthebillowingorgasmbecameaphysicalentity.Itwasparthuman,

partwind,partocean.Itneededsomewheretogo,someonetoexplodefor.

“Fuck,Iloveitwhenyoubeg.”Hislipslatchedontomine.Wekissedhungrily.Wekissedsavagely.

“Doitagain.”

Ididn’thesitate.“Please.Pleasemakemecome.Ineedtocome.”
Hisgripbruisedmeashethrustup,sendingmybreastsbouncing.
Mythoughtsscattered,mynerveendingstrembled,myentirebodyclenched.“I’msoclose.God,

please...”

“Come,Elle.Fuckingcome.”
Mybreathingstopped.
Theworldturnedsparklyandgray.
Icouldn’tholdoffanymore.
Mybrainturnedtosoundsratherthanwords.
Mybodyturnedtoliquidratherthanbones.
Icame.
IcameandcameasPennfuckedmeasruthlesslyandasthoroughlyasanyhot-bloodedlover.
ThemomentIfinished,helookeddown,shovingasidethebunchedmaterialofmydress,hypnotized

byhiscockdrivingintome.“Fuck,yes.This—thisistruthrighthere,Elle.”

Hishandroamedtomybreast,clutchingmyfleshwithpassionborderingonpain.
Grabbingmyhair,hedroveintomeharder,harder.Hisroaraddedgasoline,andIplummetedstronger

andfasterthaneverbefore.Mybackbowedashepulledmyhairwithaviciousyank.

“Shit,takeit.Takeme.Takeeverything.”Hiswordsscrambledwithgruntsashechasedmeoffthe

cliff.

Hisorgasmquakedhisbody,hisforeheadsmashingagainstmyshoulderasheemptiedhimself.
Hedidn’tlookupforalongmoment.Hisbreathingraggedandlost.
Istrokedhishair,calminghimeventhoughIneededcalmingmyself.
Timelostallmeaningasweslowlyreturnedtoearthanddisengaged.
Icouldn’tlookhimintheeyeashepulledofftheusedcondomandplaceditinthebrownpaperbag

themoussehadcomefrom.

Standing,hetuckedhimselfawayanddiduphistrousers,followedbyfasteninghisbelt.Once

presentable,herakedahandthroughhishair.

“Tomorrownight.”
Ilookedup,smoothingmydress,stillshiveringfromorgasmaftershocks.“What?”
“Ifyouhaveanyplans,cancelthem.”Hestrodearoundthecouch,pausinginthemiddleofmy

apartment.“You’recomingwithme.Dressinsilver.I’llpickyouupatBelleElleatseven.”

Heleftmealonewiththechocolatemousseandmycrazyconclusions.