BewaretheSnake

MafiaSoldiersBookOne

SamanthaCade

‘BewaretheSnake’CopyrightSamanthaCade2017

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“Thetruemanwantstwothings:dangerandplay.For

thatreason,hewantswoman,asthemostdangerous

plaything.”

-FriedrichNietzsche

ChapterOne

Snake

It’sdeadquietinthiscaraswehurtledeeperintothedesertattheCalifornia/Nevada

border,exceptforthethumpinginthetrunk.Eventhoughhe’snotasnoisyaswhenwe

firstleftthecity,Ifinditagitating.Mybodyisbuzzingfromtheadrenaline,sointenseit

vibratesmyeardrums.Iwanttoclosemyeyesandfeelthatenergycoursingthroughme,

poweringme,pumpingmeupforwhatwehavetodonext.ButIcan’tdothatwiththis

fuckingthumping.

Salvatoreisdriving,drummingthesteeringwheeltoabeatonlyhecanhear.Anthony

isinthefrontseat,handsfoldedinfrontofhisface,hiseyesfocusedontheroadahead.

We’realltakingthisquietmomenttoprepareforwhat’stocome.Youcan’tjustgetthere

physically.Youhavetogettherementallytoo.

Ifitwasn’tforthatfuckingthumping.

InudgeBruno,who’sbesidemeinthebackseat,andpointmythumbtowardsthe

trunkwithasmarmylook.

“Thisfuckingguy,”Iutterundermybreath.

Brunogivesmeaslightnod,thensquareshismassiveshoulderstowardsthewindow,

wherehelooksoutatthepitchblacknight.Heholdshishandsintightfistsinhislap.His

knucklesarebruisedandbloody.Theguyinthetrunkhadputuponehellofafight,buthe

wasnomatchforBruno.Theyneverare.

Idon’tknowwhothatguyis,andItrynottothinkmuchabouthim.AllIknowisthat

theordercamedownfromthebosshimself.Whoeverthatdumbfuckisthumpingaround

backthere,hecrossedtheMariano’s.That’shisfault.Notmine.Ihavetothinkabout

myselfhere.IwanttobeaMarianosoldier,andtheonlywaytodothatistoaboutface

andactlikeone.

Therearen’tanystreetlightsouthere.Iwasbornandraisedinthegrimystreetsofthe

city,anditalwaysshocksmehowbrightthestarsareonthesedrives.They’renearly

fuckingblinding.Aswegetclosertothespot,Igripmyhandsintofistsandbreathehard,

forcedbreaths.Thisisanotheropportunitytoprovemyself,toshowmyloyaltytothe

family.Salvatoretoldmeafewdaysagothatthebooksareopen.I’vebeenhustlingfor

thisfamilysinceIwasfifteenyearsold.Twelveyearslater,Ifinallyhavemychancetobe

made.ThefactthatIdon’thaveakillundermybeltistheonlythingholdingmeback.

AnthonyandSalvatoremumbletoeachotherfromthefrontseat.Salvatoreslowsthe

car,andpullsoveronthesideoftheroad.BrunoandIexchangehardenedglancesbefore

gettingoutofthecar.Anthonybangsonthetrunkthenpopsitopen.Theguylooksupat

us,blinkinginthestarlight.Hishandsaretiedbehindhisbackwiththickrope,andhis

mouthisgaggedwithaballeduptowel,heldinplacebyducttape.Westaredownathim.

Thefourofusmustlookfuckingterrifying,standingoverhiminourblack,tailoredsuits,

whichistheMarianofamilydresscode.Ilookintohisred,panickedeyesforamoment,

andwonderwhat’sgoingthroughhishead.What’sitliketoknowyou’regoingtodie?

AnthonyflickshisheadtowardsBrunoandme.“Let’sgo,”hesaysimpatiently.

Idon’tlikehisdisrespectfultone,butIkeepthattomyself.Sincehe’smadeandI’m

not,Ihavetodowhathesays.Igritmyteethandremindmyselfthatitwon’tbeformuch

longer.BrunoandIgrabtheguybytheshouldersandmusclehimoutofthetrunk.As

soonashisfeethitthedryground,wepushhimforward.

“Walk,”Igrunt,nexttohisear.

AnthonyandSalvatorewalkinfrontofuswithflashlights.Theguystrugglesweakly

againstus.Hisscreamsaremuffledbythegag,butIcanmakeoutthegistofwhathe’s

saying.He’sclaiminghe’sinnocent,thatwegotthewrongguy.Sorry,pal,butthejudge

andjuryhavealreadyspoken.We’rejusttheexecutioners.

Wewalk,forIdon’tknowhowlong,untiltheroaddisappearsfromthehorizon.

“Thisisgood,”Salvatoresays.

BrunoandIgriptheguy’sarm,holdinghimlikeinavice,whileSalvatorewalks

towardshim.Salvatore’supperlipiscurled.Hiseyesarecoldandhard.Hestandsatleast

afoottallerthanourguy.Bendingdowntolookintohiseyes,Salvatorebreathesout

loudlywithachillingsmile.

“YouthoughtyoucouldfuckwiththeMariano’s,”Salvatoresays.Hepresseshisgun

upundertheguy’schin.Theguyscreamssomethingthroughthegag.Salvatoresmirks,

thencalmlypistolwhipshimacrosstheface,sohardtheguy’snosestartstobleed.“On

yourknees,”Salvatoresays,walkingaway.

IpushdownonthehisshouldersatthesametimeBrunogiveshimaswiftkickinthe

lowerback,knockinghimtohisknees.Theguy’sscreamsturntosobbing.

“I’mguessingyouwanttodothehonors?”AnthonysaystoSalvatore.

Salvatoreshakeshishead.Heputshisgunaway,thenlightsacigarette.

“Ithinkourfriend,Snake,cangetthejobdone,”Salvatoresays.

BrunoandAnthonywhiptheirheadstowardsme.Ilookatthedustyground,

embarrassedbytheswellofprideinmychest.

“Youcan’tbefuckingserious,”AnthonysaysquietlytoSalvatore,butwecanallhear

it.“He’snotmade.”

Salvatore,ignoringAnthony,holdsthecigarettebetweenhislipsashehandsmethe

gripofthegun.WhenItakeit,hepatsmeontheback.Ilookintohiseyesandgivehima

gratefulnod.

I’veneverkilledbefore,butI’veseenahandfulofpeopledie.Itmakesmealittle

queasytopointthegun.Iclenchmyjaw,forcingthatfeelingdown.Now’snotthetimeto

punkout.Thisismyjob,mylife.Isetmysightsonthebackofhishead,andexhaleasI

pullthetrigger.

Justlikethat,it’sover.

Hiswailsaresnuffedoutinaninstant,andhetopplesforward.Thechirpingof

cricketsriseupinthestillnessofthedesert.Myarmremainsintheair,stillaimingthe

gun.There’saslightsmokysmellfromtheshot,andIcanfeeltheheatfromthebarrel.

SalvatoreandBrunopatmeontheback.

“Goodjob,soldier,”Salvatoresayswithsarcasticsalute.“There’snogettingaway

fromusnow.You’reintoodeep.I’lltalktomyfatheraboutyoutakingtheomertà,getting

youmade.”

“Congratulations,”Brunomutters,andshakesmyhand.IwanttotellBrunothat

maybesoonhe’llgethisshottoo,butIdon’tknowifthat’strue.

Anthonyapproachesme,handsinhispocket,lookingattheground.Whenhe’sin

frontofme,heextendshisarms,andgivesmeaquick,professionalhug.

“Ialwaysknewyouhaditinyou,”hesayswithasmilethatmakesmewanttopunch

himintheface.“Butyou’renotdoneyet.”

Anthonydigsintohispocketsandpullsoutaneedleandthread,whichhethrows

againstmychest.“Sewthatrat’slipsshut.”

Ihaven’tlookedatthebodysinceIfiredthatshot,soIdonow.Thebloodpooling

aroundhisheadissodarkitlooksblack.Iwalkovertohim,grabhiswethair,andpullhis

headup.Hisfaceisprettyfuckedup,butIcanstillseewhathelookslike,whichislike

justaregularguy.

Anthony,Salvatore,andBrunolookonasIworktheneedlethroughtheupperlip.The

needle’snotverysharp,soIhavetojamitthrough.

“Youwanttobearealsoldiernow,huh?”Anthonysays,smokingacigarette.“Get

ready,kid.Thisiswhentherealworkbegins.”

ChapterTwo

Jess

(Twoyearslater)

Istandinfrontofthefulllengthmirrorinmybedroom,tryingtomakesenseofwhat

I’mseeing.I’msqueezedintoatight,short,blackdressthatpushesmytitsupnearlyto

mychin.Theblackleatherstilettos,freshoutofthebox,makemylegslooklongandlean.

Fromtheneckdown,I’mahotpackageofcurves.Myface,however,isanotherstory.The

artificiallightreflectingoffofthebarewallsofthisapartmentcastayellowhazeontomy

skin,makingmelooksallow.Thetruthis,Idon’tmuchlikelookingatmyselfinthe

mirrorthesedays.Ihaven’trecognizedthepersonstaringbackatmeforsometimenow.I

seemyhair,lightbrownandwavy,thatI’vealwayskeptlong.Iseethefamiliarpatternof

frecklesonmyarms.Butthefacebelongstosomeoneelse.

Mycellphonerings,andIansweritwithoutlookingtoseewhoitis.Iknowit’smy

dad,whocallseverynightateightpmsharp.Icouldsetaclockbyhim.

“Hey,Dad,”Isay,turningtothesidetoregardmyreflection.

“Whatareyouuptotonight?”

“Justcatchinguponsomework.”Iopenanewtubeofredlipstickandsmearitonmy

lipsinanattempttomakethetopmatchthebottom.

“Howiswork?”Dadasks.

“Great,”Irespond,whichisthesameanswerIgivetohisusuallistofquestions.

“Howareyoufeeling?”“Great.”“How’syourboss?”“Great.”Everythingisgreat,great,

great.

Dadgivesmetheusualspeechabouthowheandmymotheraresoproudofmeand

howfarI’vecome,andthathewon’tfeeltheneedtocheckuponmeformuchlonger.I

thankhim,likeIusuallydo,andtellhimIlovehim.Wesaygoodbye.

IcatchmyfaceinthemirrorwhenIhangupthephone.Mycheery,fakesmile

disappears,replacedinaninstantwithmyusualcold,dourexpression.Theresheis,the

womanIdon’trecognize.Isuckitup,andpracticesmilingandflirtinginthemirrorfora

fewminutes.

Itakeouttheblack,sequinedwristletIboughttoday,andpackitwithmycellphone,

lipstick,somecash,andmyID.Thedocumentsarelaidinaneatpileontopofmydresser.

I’dprintedtenpagesofthehundredsmoreIhavestoredontheCD-ROMthat’sstashed

beneathmymattress.Istareatthem,consideringhowI’llcarrythem.They’llneverfitin

thispurse.Ilaythepagesoutflat,andcarefullytakeapictureofeachonewithmycell

phone.

It’stimetogo,andI’mgettingnervous.I’dgiveanythingforashotofvodka,justone

tocalmmynerves.Rubbingmytemples,Ivisualizetheliquorstoredownthestreet,and

theirdisplayofairplanebottlesinthewindow.

No,Ican’tgiveintothatanymore.Idon’twantinstantgratification,somethingeasy

andquickthatwillmakemefeelgoodonlyforalittlewhile.Ithrowopenthedresser

drawerandfindmysixtydaychip.I’vebeensobermuchlongerthansixtydays,that’sjust

whenIquitgoingtomeetingsandtalkingtomysponsor.IquitbecauseIdidn’tneedthem

anymore.Ifoundapurpose,ayearningthatburnsbrighterthantheneedtostayloadedall

thetime.

I’mgoingtofindthemanwhotookeverythingfromme,andI’mgoingtokillhim.

Itstartstonight.

ChapterThree

Snake

IwanttosmilefromeartoearwhileIwatchBrunointhering,takingshotslike

champ.ButIcan’t.Ihavetoplaythepart.Icovermyfacewithbothhands,shakingmy

head.Ikickametalchairwhenhisopponentlandsaniceonerightacrosshisjaw.Theguy

he’sfightingisfierce,butnothingBrunocan’thandle.Thattowerofmuscleisanacein

thehole.Hecandefeatanythingthatcrosseshispath.Whichiswhyeveryoneelsebeton

himtowintonight.

Brunoswingsandmisses.Thisgivestheotherguytheopportunitytodeliverasharp

uppercut.It’ssohard,hisfistbrieflydisappearsbeneathBruno’ssternum.Icringe.Bruno

dropstohisknees.

“That’sit,”Isayundermybreath.“Staydown.”

IwatchastheopponentgrabsBrunobythehair,andstartspummelinghisface.My

knucklesarewhiteasIholdmyfistundermychin.IneedthisfuckingpaydaylikeIneed

airtobreathe.Nothingelseworkedoutformethismonth,andit’salmosttimetopay

tribute.

Thereareaboutathreedozenotherguyswatchingthefight,variousplayersinLA’s

criminalunderworld.Thecrowdismadeupofgangmembers,wiseguys,andevena

politicianortwo.TheyallseemasupsetoverBruno’sperformanceasI’mpretendingto

be.Afewofthemaregivingmethesideeye.They’dbewisetosuspectthatsomething’s

up.WhenBrunotakeshisloss,we’llhavetogetthecash,thengetthehelloutofhere.

Bruno’spinnedflatonthisstomach,hisopponentstraddlinghisback.Therefereehas

startedthecount.Iwatchclosely,countingsilentlyinmyheadalongwithhim.The

opponentischeesingforthecrowd,posing,andbeingarealfuckingasshole.Whenwe’re

downtothelastcoupleofseconds,theguybendsdownandkissesBrunosquareonthe

lips.

“Fuck,”Iwhispertomyself.

IcanbarelywatchasBrunopresseshishandsintothemat,andgetsuponallfours

withhisopponentonhisback.Brunoshootsstraightup,standingonhisknees.Thecrowd

goescrazyastheopponentfallsbackwards,slammingonhisback.Bruno’sonhimina

second.Hehurlshishugearmback,thenlandsonesolidpunchtothesideofhis

opponent’shead.

Brunostandsup.Theotherguydoesn’t.

Thecrowdfuckinglosesit.

Aguyinacheapsuitwalksuptomewithhishandout.Itakethewadofcashoutof

mypocket,andlayitinhispalm.

WhenBrunogetsoutofthering,Isqueezepassedthehandfulofchicksliningupto

suckhisdick,thenpullhimtotheside.

“Whatthefuckhappenedoutthere?”Isayintohisear.“Youweresupposedtotakea

dive.”

Brunocrinkleshisbruisedandswollenface.“Yousawwhatthatprickdid.Icouldn’t

letthatstand.”

IwanttobustBruno’sballsalittlelonger,buthe’sdistractedbyablondenumberina

tightredskirtwhotakeshishandandpullshimaway.I’dbeenhopingtorunoutofhere

withmypocketsstuffedwithcash,butsincenoone’saftermeforfixingthefight,Imight

aswellhaveadrink.Istraightenmytieandheadtotheback.

There’samakeshiftbarsetupinthebackofthiswarehousewhereacurvyLatina

wearingnexttonothingisservingdrinks.Thiswarehouseisownedbyabouncyhouse

rentalcompany.Therearedeflatedcastles,slides,andajunglewithpalmtreesliningthe

walls.Theownerhoststheselittleeventsinexchangeforacutoftheaction.Iguessthese

days,peoplehavetobecreativewhenfindingotherstreamsofrevenue.

Iorderashotofwhiskeyanddrinkitdown.I’mfuckedforthemonth.There’snouse

inworryingaboutthatanymore.Icansalvagethenightbygettingragingdrunk,and

findingapairoftitstogetlostin.

Iorderanother.Thisone,IsipslowlywhileIsurveythecrowd,seeingwhatkindof

assisonthemenutonight.Therearetheusualsuspects,theworkinggirlswhostandto

makealotfuckingmorethanmetonight,thegirlfriend’sofmobsterswhoI’llonlytouch

ifIwanttoloseaneye,andthentherearethewomenwhodon’tbelonghere.Theycome

fromgoodfamilies,goodneighborhoods,whothinkgettingfuckedbyabadboywill

shakethemfromtheirwhitebreadboredom.

I’vealreadyfuckedagoodpercentageofthewomenhere.Idrinkmywhiskey,smiling

asitburnsdeepinmychest.Iwantatasteofsomethingdifferent.

Attheendofthebar,Icatchsightofacascadeofwavy,lightbrownhair.Thebody

underneathistight,toned,andserveduponasilverplatterinaskimpyblackdress.She

tossesherhairoverhershoulder,andIseeherface.

I’veneverseenherbefore.Herdeepbrowneyesdartaroundasshedrinkssomething

clear.Shedoesn’tbelonghere.She’snotoneofus.Butshedoesn’tseemafraid.Herback

straightenssuddenly.Shefeelsmewatchingher.Iholdmygaze.

Hereyesflitovertome,thenbacktoherdrink,thenbacktome.Shesmiles.Iwatch

heralittlelonger,justtomakesurethatshe’snotwithagangbangerorawiseguy.WhenI

don’tseeanyoneclaimher,Iadjustmysuit,smoothbackmyhair,andwalkoverthere,

cockfirst.

“Goodevening,”Isay,thewordsrollingsmoothlyovermytongueasIsidleupnextto

heratthebar.It’scrowded,andthere’snotmuchspace,soIhavestandsoclosetoherher

armgrazesagainstmychest.Shelooksupatme,battingherlashes,hercheeksturning

pink.Idragmyfingerupherbarearm.“Youherewithanyone,sweetheart?”

Shegiggles,thenletsoutanexasperatedsigh.“Icamewithmyfriend,butsheditched

me.”

JustasIthought,she’sdaddy’slittlegirl,lookingtotakeawalkonthewildside.Well,

Icangivehertheadventureshecraves.

“I’mJess.”

“Snake.”Itakeherhandandkissit.Herskinissoftunderneathmylips.Iwanttotaste

more.“You’llneverguesshowIgotmynickname.”Iglancedown,signalingwhatI’ve

gotunderthehood.

Jessgivesmeasidewayssmile.“You’redirect.”

“Thisisn’tsomeWestHollywoodbarwherepeopledancearoundwhattheywant.

Everyonehereishereforaspecificaction.”

Jessturnstowardsme,givingmefullviewofthatlovelyrack.“Andwhat’syour

action?”

“Business,”Isay,cockingmyheadtooneside.“Butthat’sover.Now,I’mafter

pleasure.”

Sheraisesaneyebrow.“Business,huh?You’rewiththeLombardi’s?”

Ilaugh,straighteningmycuffs.“TheMariano’sactually.”Iseehereyeslightupat

this.She’sfoundthemafiabadboyshealwayswanted.Ileanclosertoher.Sheshiversas

myfingertipsdancedownherspine.Iwhisperinherear.“NowthatI’vetoldyouthat,I

havetomakesureyou’renotwearingawireunderthatprettydress.”

Herskingoescold.Shegigglesnervously.Shelooksatmethroughherlashes.She’s

hesitant,butshewantsit,Icantell.

“Comeon,sweetheart.”Islipmyarmaroundhershoulders.“Let’smakebothofour

nights.”

*

I’vegotJesspinnedagainstawallinthealleybythewarehouse,myhandupherskirt

cradlingherthighwhileIkissthetopsofhertits.Thishasgottobesomekindofrecord

forme,fromthebartothealleyinabouttenminutes.Beingamademanwiththe

Mariano’sislikeafreepussypass,whichI’veneverhadaproblemredeeming.Butnow,

evenI’mimpressed.

Jessleansbackagainstthebrickwall,hercreamytitsspillingoverthetopofherdress.

Iinchmyhanduptoherass.Herbackstiffens.Shetakesmyhandinacoldhardgrip,

stoppingmefromgoinganyfurther.

“Relax,”Iwhispersoothingly.“We’regoingtohaveagoodtimetonight.”

Jessblinksupatme,andtakesashutteringbreath.“Thisis-thisisnotwhatIcame

herefor.Ishouldn’t-“

Ipressmyhipsintoher,lettingherfeelthatI’malreadygettinghard.

“It’swrong,sweetheart.That’swhyitfeelssogood.”

Ileanbackintokissher,butshecrouchesdownsuddenly.Ialmostknockmyhead

againstthebricks.Jessscootstothesideundermyarm,outofmygrasp.Icanalreadyfeel

theblueballscomingon.

Jessstandsupstraight,herchestpuffedout.“Ineedtogetbacktomyfriend.”

Itakeadeepbreath,relaxingmyshoulders.Idon’twanttofuckthisupbycomingon

toostrong.

“Maybewecangettogethersometimeinthefuture.I’llshowyouanicetime.”Istep

towardsher,butshetakesastepback.Maybethepromqueenishavingsecondthoughts

aboutwhatshecameheretodotonight.“Yougotaphone?”

Shenods,thentakesherphoneoutofherpurse.Itakethisasgoodsign.MaybeI’ll

needtoputalittlemoreworkinwiththisone,whichisnobigdeal.Ineverbackaway

fromachallenge.Igrabherphone,addmynumbertohercontacts,thenhanditbackto

her.

“I’llbethinkingofyoutonight,”Isay.“Sendmesomethinginteresting.”

Jesspursesherlips.“Iwill,”shesays,makingmydicktwitch.

Backinthewarehouse,IsearchforBruno.AsfarasI’mconcerned,thisnight’sabust.

ThereareotherchickshereIcanbang,butnoneofthemappealtome.Icanstillsmell

Jess’shampoo,andthatlittleresistanceshegavemeonlymademewanthermore.

IfindBrunosmokingacigarwithsomewelldressedgangsters.Hiseyelidsareheavy,

andIcantellhe’sdrunk.Myguessis,peoplewhomademoneyoffofhimhavebeen

buyinghimshotsallnight.Ittakesmeafewminutestogethimupfromhisseat,butsoon,

we’rereadytogo.

We’realmosttothedoor,whenmyphonebuzzesinmypocket.It’satextfroma

numberIdon’trecognize.Bloodrushestomycock.It’sher.

Iopenthetext,hopingforasexynude,whichmakeswhatIgetaroyal

disappointment.It’spicturesofsomekindofdocuments.

“Whatthefuck?”Imutter.

ItellBrunotogohaveonelastdrink,thenIstartlookingforher.

ChapterFour

Jess

IseeSnakewhenhegetsmytext.Jesus,hisface.It’ssoterrifyingthatIwanttorun

outofhereasfastasIcan,andgiveuponeverything.Hecurlshisnose,hiseyesturning

darkandcold,murderous,even.IknewthemenI’dbedealingwithonthismissionwould

beintimidating,butSnakeisformidable.He’sanattractivepackage,hard,tonedmuscle

wrappedinanelegantsuit,dark,almostblack,hairthat’simpeccablysweptback.Hisface

iscleanlyshaven,andhesmellssogood,buthishandswerebigandroughonmybare

thigh.Confidenceoozesoffofhim.Icanimaginehimhavingnoqualmsaboutputtinga

bulletinsomeone’shead,justlikehehadnoqualmsaboutfuckingmeinthealley.

Beautifulanddangerous.Andhe’slookingforme.

IwatchhimfromthewallI’mleaningagainst,daringhimtofindme,hopinghewill.I

can’tletmyfeardetractme.IneedtorememberwhyIcamehere,whyI’vesearchedthis

cityhighandlowformobhangouts,andmorespecifically,aMarianoman.Itouchmy

lowerbelly,conjuringtheburningragethat’sbroughtmethisfar.

Snakespotsmequickly,thenmakesabeelineover.Myheartthumpswithhisprecise,

determinedfootsteps.Hewalksuponme,stoppingnomorethananinchinfrontofwhere

I’mpinnedagainstthewall.Hebendsdownslowly,emphasizinghowmuchtallerheis

thanme.Hiseyeslockonminewhenhegrabsmywrist,andpullsmeforcefully.

“Comewithme.”

Thegentlesmoothnessofhisvoiceisgone.He’snowcold,calculating,professional.

ThehighheelsshufflebeneathmeasIkeepupwithhim.Isteadymybeatingheartwith

deepbreaths.Ishouldn’thavetextedhimnow.Thatwasstupidandrash.Ishould’ve

waitedforabettertime,like,whenIwasn’tinthesamebuildingashim.ButIcouldn’t

wait.Inthebackofmymind,IknowItextedhimbecauseIwantedtoseehimagain.I

didn’twantthisnighttobeover.ButI’mnotwillingtoadmitthatrightnow.Icansalvage

this.Ijustneedhimtolisten.

We’rebackinthealley.Snakepushesmeagainstthewall.Hegrabsbothofmywrists

inonehand,andpinsthemovermyhead.

“Whatthefuckisthis?”Snakeholdshisphoneclosetomyface,soclose,myeyes

can’tfocus.ButIknowwhatitis.

“Abusinessopportunity.”Myvoiceisweak,pinched.Iclearmythroattoremedythis.

Snakelaughs,adeep,curtsoundsthatmakesmeshiver.“Business?Idon’ttalk

businesswithsomeoneIdon’tknow.”Heputsawaythephone,thenleansinsocloseto

me,Icanalmostfeelthetipofhisnoseagainstmine.“Whothefuckareyou?”

Iknowwhathe’stryingtodo.He’stryingtointimidateme.Thisiswhatmenlikehim

do.Theywanttoscareusawaysowedon’tmeddleintheirbusiness.It’swhatJakedid.

“I’mJessHunt.I’mtheDigitalMarketingCoordinatoratShopSuiteEnterprises.Have

youheardofShopSuite?”

Snakesmirks.“Isthatajoke?Everyonehas.Letmeaskyousomething.Where’syour

friend?Youlied,didn’tyou.Youcameherelookingforme.”

“Icameherelookingforabusinesspartner.”

Snaketightenshisgriponmywrists.Istaycool,notreacting.

“Areyoucop?”heasks.

“No.”

“DidtheLombardi’ssendyou?Huh?Tellme?”

He’srightinmyface,yellingatme.Idon’tfeelsomuchthreatenedasthoroughly

pissedoff,andIcan’tquellmyreactionthistime.IjerkmykneeashardasIcan,andget

himinthestomach.Snakedoublesover,releasingmywrists.InaselfdefenseclassItook

alifetimeago,ourinstructortoldusthatonemovewon’tbeenoughagainstsomeone

that’sbiggerthanyou,soIgivehimaquickjabrightinthelip.

Snakeobviouslywasn’texpectingthat.I’msurethisassholeisalwaysusedtogetting

hisway,andpeoplenotfightingback.Hewipesthebloodoffofhislips,confusedfora

moment.Igetawayfromthewall,positioningmyselfsoIcouldrunoutofthealleyifI

haveto.Snakelooksatthebloodonhishand,thenatme.Hismouthtwitchesinasmall

smile.Ipause.Heseemsimpressed.

“Ifwecouldjusttalklikecivilizedhumanbeings,”Istart.“Likeyousaid,we’reall

hereforaspecificaction.I’mhereforthesamereasonyouare.Money.Didyouevenlook

atwhatIsentyou?”

Snakestandsup,straightenshistie,anddustsoffthearmsofhissuit.“Creditcard

numbers.Areyoutryingtoincriminateme?”

Snakelicksthewoundonhislip.Hefoldshishandsinfrontofhim.Hispostureis

nonthreatening,whichsomehowmakesmefearhimmore.

“Howareyoumakingmoneythesedays?Fixingfights?Ihaveaccesstothefinancials

ofmillionsofpeople.WhatIsentyouisjustthetipoftheiceberg.Wecouldskimalittle

fromthosecards,adollarhere,there.Smallchargesnoonewouldnotice,butitwouldadd

upforus.”

He’squietforamoment,staringmedown.Ihavetofocustokeepmyselffrom

coweringaway.

“What’sinitforyou?”heasks.

“Acut.Moneylaundering.Protection.”

Snakenods,pullinghisphonefromhispocket.Heholdsitup,showingmeashe

deletesthetextsIsenthim.Hewalksuptome,thenbendsdowntomyeyeline.

“Getthefuckoutofhere.Ineverwanttoseeyouaroundhereagain.Understood?”

Istayquiet,notconfirmingthis.Helaughssarcastically,thenhitsmewithhisshoulder

ashepassesmeby.

“Keepmynumberthough,”hecallsback.“Ifyoueverneedyourbrainsfuckedout,let

meknow.”

ChapterFive

Snake

Isitinacorner,keepingtomyself.Idon’twanttotalktoanyone.Idon’twanttomake

eyecontact.Idon’tevenwanttoshowmyfacearoundhere.Butthisisarequiredmeeting

withMonty,ourcapo,evenifIdon’thaveanyfundstokickup.

Ourcrew’sheadquartersareatMTBConcreteSupply.It’samassivewarehouse,

stockedwithinventorythathasn’tbeentouchedinyears.Backintheday,thisplacemade

alotofmoney,providingmostoftherevenuefortheentirecrew.Montyhadaninwith

everycontractorintown,andmostlawenforcementandpoliticianswereinhispocket.

NothinggotbuiltinthecityofLAwithoutusingMTBConcreteSupply.Montysoldhis

inventoryatahighlyinflatedprice,andinreturn,hefixedthebids,sothecontractorsthat

wereloyaltohimalwaysgotthejob.Thebusinesswasalsousedtocleancashfromother

racketsthatbenefitedthefamily.ThatendedwithaseriesofarticlesintheLATimesthat

blewthelidoffoftheMariano’sstrongholdoftheconstructionindustry.Thepoliticians

andcontractorscouldn’thandletheheat,andthatracketwentbellyup.

Thosedaysaregone,gonebeforemytime.Ifindthisplacefuckingdepressing.All

anyonecantalkaboutistheglorydayswhentheyweredrowningincash.Ifeellikeone

ofthosemillennialsthatgraduatedfromcollegeinthemiddleofarecession.

SalvatoreandBrunowalkin.Itrynottomakeeyecontactwiththem.I’mnotinthe

moodtotalk.Buttheywalkovertomeanyway.

“Yo,Snake,”Brunosays,sittingacrossfromme.

“What’sup,man,”IsaytoBruno,andgiveSalvatorearespectfulnod.Iturnbackto

Bruno.“Yourprettyfaceishealingnicely.”

“Italwaysdoes,”Brunosays,cockily.

SalvatoresmacksBrunoontheshoulder.“Thoselicksyoutookgavemeanicelittle

payday.Congratsonthewin.”

“Mypleasure,”Brunosays,thenlooksatmeandshrugs.“Bytheway,whathappened

withyouandtheprofessionallookingbrunettetheothernight?Iwastoodrunkoffoffree

shotstogetthedetails.”

Irubmyhandstogether,smilingdiscreetly.“Youknow,theusual.”

“No,Idon’tknow,”Brunosays.“Giveusthedetails.Thatwasonehotpieceyouhad

there.Whatdidhertitslooklike?”

Idon’tknowwhy,orwhereitcomesfrom,butsomethingaboutthatquestionspisses

meoff.Myskinburnshotunderneathmysuit.Jesswasn’taquickhookup.She’snotthat

atall.She’sastuckupbitch,yes,butBrunohasnorighttobeaskingabouthertits.Ifhe

hadanyideaaboutthesteelballsonthatchick,he’dthinkofherwithalittlemorerespect.

Istillcan’tgetoverthefactthatshewaltzedintothatfightandproposedabusiness

opportunity.I’dtakeheruponitjustforthechancetogetherintobed,butmygut’s

tellingsomething’ssuspiciousaboutthewholething.

Brunoraisesaneyebrow.“Don’ttellmeyoustruckout.”

“I’mnottellingyouthat,”Isay.

Anthonywalksin,stridingthroughlikeheownstheplace,andshootingdartswithhis

eyesateveryonethere.

“Thisisn’tfuckinggossiphour,”Anthonysays,walkinguptoourtable.“Thisis

business.Showsomerespect.”

Brunoholdshishandsup,showinghispalms.“Nothingbutrespecthere,chief.”

AnthonyglaresatBruno,thenturnstoSalvatore.“What’sthebeastdoinghere

anyway?He’snotmade.”HeturnstoBrunowithasmile.“Someonecheckhimfora

wire.”

Brunostartstostandfromhisseat.Igrabhisarm.

“Easy,”Isay.

AnthonyandBrunostareateachforafewtenseseconds.SalvatorepatsAnthonyon

theback.

“Standdown,cuz,”Salvatoresays,wryly.“Sincewhendoyouhavesuchastickup

yourassabouttherules?Relax.”SalvatoregivesBrunoawarninglook.“Youtoo.”

NoonesaysanythingelseuntilMontyshowsup.Whenthecapowalksin,theentire

crewstraightensup.He’samiddleaged,baldingguy,thickaroundthemiddle,andmafia

tothecore.Youcantellbyhisconfidentswaggerandmannerismsthatthisisamanwho’s

livedoutsideofthelawhisentirelife.Withoutsayinganything,hewalksaroundthe

room,collectingenvelopesofcashfromallthesoldiers.Someenvelopesarethick,some

arethin,afewhavenothingatall.Monty’sunderstandingwiththeempty-handedguys.

Heknowsit’sharderthanevertogetsomethinggoinginthisbusinessclimate.

Montygetstous.SalvatoreandAnthonybothhandhimenvelopesstuffedwithcash.

Heturnstome.

“Sorry,capo.I’vecomeempty-handed.”Iholdmyhandsupandlookdownasasign

ofrespect.

“Again?”Montyasksinhisgruffvoice.

“Look,it’snotforlackoftrying.Thingsjustkeptfallingthrough.”IglareatBruno

fromthesideofmyeye.

“You’renottheonlyone,”Montysays,cockinghishead.“Havesomethingforme

nextmonth.”

“Iwill.”Ihopeit’sapromiseIcanmakegoodon.

Montyholdstheenvelopesinastackunderhisarm,andstandsinthecenterofthe

roomtoaddressthecrew.

“Now,alotofyouguyshavebeenasking,soI’mgoingtotellyou.We’llsplitthepool

evenlyamongsoldiers,eventhosethatdidn’tpaytheirdues.Thesepastcoupleofyears

havebeenhardoneveryone,andwedon’tletoursoldiersstarve.”

Montylooksoverhissoldiers.We’reallwatchinghimsilently,atattention.Thecapo

nods,thengoesbacktohisoffice.That’swhenthesoldiersthatdon’tagreewithwhathe

saidstarttogroan.Anthonyisoneofthoseguys.Helooksrightatme.

Istandupcalmly.“Yougotsomethingyouwanttosay?”

Anthonylooksmeupanddown,thenlaughs.“It’snotyourfaultthisfamilyhasgone

toshit.Itstartedwithwhateveridiotdecidedtoallowhalf-breedsin.”HeeyesBruno.

“Andletthechildrenofsnitcheslive.”

IimmediatelyputmyhandonBruno’sshoulder.Ifeelhimswellunderneathme.But

thisbitch,Anthony,neverknowswhentoshutup.

“Howdoweknowitwasn’tBrunothattalkedtothatreporter,andbleweverything

up,”Anthonysays.“Likefather,likeson.”

Idon’teventrytoholdBrunoback.Forabigguy,he’sfuckingfast.He’soutofhis

seatinaflash,deliveringasharpjabtoAnthony’snose.Theothersoldiersgosilentand

looktoseewhat’shappening.Salvatorestepsinquicklytodiffusethesituation.Heputs

hishandonAnthony’sshoulder.

“Youcan’tgomouthingofflikethat,”Salvatoresays.“That’safuckedupthingtosay.

Wegottheleak,remember?Pluggeditupgood.ShowBrunosomerespect.Ason

shouldn’tpayforthesinsofhisfather.”

Anthonywipesthebloodfromhisnose,shakinghishead.“Itdoesn’thurtanyway.I

don’tcareaboutmynose.Icareaboutmymoney.Aroundhere,deadweightiscutloose

tosinkonitsown.Rememberthat.”

WhenAnthonyleaves,theentireroomwatcheshimsilently.Heslamsthewarehouse

door,andpeoplestarttalkingagain.

“Whatthefuck’shisproblem?”IaskSalvatore.

“He’sgotproblems,trustme.Nothingtodowithyou,”Salvatoresays.

“Likewhat?”Brunoasks.He’sstaringatthedoorAnthonyjustwentoutof,hisface

red.

“Look,don’tbreatheawordofthistoanyone,”Salvatoresays.“Butthedoctorsthink

hiswifehascancer.”

“Jesus.”Idothesignofthecross,notforAnthony,butforhiswife,Clarissa.I’vemet

herafewtimes,andshe’sarealclassact.

“Doesn’tgivehimtherighttoactlikeaprick,”Brunosays.

“Itdoesn’t,”Salsays,lightingacigarette.“Buthe’srightaboutonething.Youneedto

bringinmorerevenue.Itwon’tbelonguntilthebossstartsgettingimpatient.”

Irakemyfingersthroughmyhair.“I’mtrying.Youknowthat.”

“Thebosswantsresults,”Salvatoresays,blowingoutathickplumeofsmoke.

“What’shegoingtodo?I’mmade.Thatmeansforlife.”

“Notexactly,”Salvatoresays.“Inevertoldyouthis,butwhenIrecommendedyouto

bemade,Ihadtofightforyou.Alotoftheguysdidn’twantyouonaccountofyour

heritage.Iconvincedthemtotakeyouonaprobationaryperiod.”Hepointshiscigarette

towardsMonty’soffice.“AccordingtoPop,theguysatthetoparestartingtogetanxious.

Ibelievethatprobationaryperiodiscomingtoanend.”

Iplantmyelbowsonthedesk,anddropmyheadintomyhands.AllthistimeI’ve

beencomfortable,knowingthatnothingwouldhappentome.Now,Ifeeloutintheopen.

AtanymomentIcouldfalloutoftheboss’favor.Soldiersdon’tgetfired.Theygethit.

“Fuckme,”Igroan.

ChapterSix

Jess

Iclosethedoortomyoffice,andsitbehindmydesk,closingmyeyestoclearmy

head.WhathappenedwithSnakewasjustabumpintheroad.Icanrecoverfromthis.I

can’tblamehimforbeingsuspiciousofme,forbeinghesitanttogointoanillegal

businesswithacompletestranger.Maybehejustneedssometimetothinkthingsthrough.

Throughmyresearch,Iknowhe’sdesperate.TheentireMarianofamilyishardupfor

cash.

Jesus,whydidIhavetofuckeverythingup?Afterweeksoflooking,Snakewasthe

firstMarianomanI’dfound.Idon’tknowwhatIwasthinkingwhenItextedhimthose

documents.Ishould’vebroughtituptohisface,whenwefirstmet,butIdidn’twantto

talkbusinesswhenallSnakecouldthinkaboutwasfuckingme.

AhotblushwarmsmycheekswhenIrememberourtimeinthealley.He’dwantedme

badly.Icouldfeelitintheheatofhiskiss,intheeagerwayhishardbodypressedagainst

me,pinningmetothewall,givingmenohopeofescape.Infact,IbetifItextedhimright

now,he’dstillbereadyandwilling.Istareatmycellphoneonthedesk.Ofcourse,I

wouldn’tdothat.Afterall,it’snothimI’mattractedto,it’sjustthatIhaven’tbeen

touchedlikethatforsolong.ThataccountsforwhyIcan’tstopthinkingabouthim.

There’saknockonmydoor.Iyell,“Comein.”Steve,myboss,walksintomyoffice.I

givehimacheerysmile,hopingtogetridofhimassoonaspossible.

“Goodmorning,Jess,”Stevesays,sittingdownacrossfromme.Hisblondbeardand

mustacheisneatlytrimmed.Icansmellhiscolognefromhere,butit’snotoffensive,soit

mustbeveryexpensive.“Didyouhaveagoodweekend?”

“Mm-hmm,”Isaynoncommittally.Steveshouldknowbynowthatthat’sallhe’s

goingtogetfromme.Ihavenointerestinpersonalrelationshipswithco-workers,oridle

chit-chat.

“Great,”Stevesays,thenfoldshishands,gettingtobusiness.“Iwantyoutoknow,

thatyou’redoinggreatworkhere.You’veprovenyourselfanindispensablememberofthe

ShopSuitefamily.”

Hepauses,waitingformetogushoverhiscompliment.Ijustwishhe’dgettothe

point.

“Thatsaid,I’vereceivedsomecomplaintsfromtheemployeesunderyou.Not

complaints,exactly,just-“

“Whatdidtheysay?”

Steveclearshisthroat.“Themainthemeisthatyoucomeacrossasabitintimidating.”

Inarrowmyeyes.“I’mtheirboss.Nottheirmother.”

Steveblinksrapidly.He’salwayslikethisaroundme,onedge.MaybeIdocomeoff

asalittlehardaroundtheedges,butsinceI’vegottensober,mytoleranceforbullshitis

nonexistent.

Isigh,softeningmyfacialfeatures.“Whowasitthatcomplained?”Iask,addinga

femininelilttomyvoice.

“Ishouldn’tdisclosethat,”Stevesays,fiddlingwithhispantsattheknees.

“Ipromise,Iwon’tscarethem,”Isaywithagoodheartedlaugh.“Iwanttomakeit

right.”WhatImeanis,ifIhavetocoddleafewemotionallyimmaturementogetSteve

offmyback,thensobeit.

Stevelooksaroundreluctantly,buthespillsthebeansanyway.“TobyBrown.”

“Toby,”Isay,drummingmyfingersagainstthedesk.“Okay,thankyou.”Ilookdown

atsomeworkonmydesk,anddon’tlookupuntilSteveleaves.He’seagertogetout,soI

don’thavetowaitlong.

Toby.Thatweakassholebetternothavesaidanything,toSteve,oranyone.Iwalkout

ofmyofficeandpeekintoToby’scubicle.

“CanIhaveaminute?”Isay,withthekindestsmileIcanmuster.

TobyistheITguy,andhelooksthepart.He’sinhismid-twenties,withblack,thick

rimmedglassesandmessyblondhair.Hesayssomethinglike,“Yes,ma’am”underhis

breath,thenfollowsmetomyoffice.

Benice,IremindmyselfasIsitatmydeskacrossfromhim.

“Iunderstandyou’vehadsomeissuewithme,”Isay.

Toby’sshoulderstense.“Idon’tknowwhotoldyouthat.”

“I’mnotangry,Toby.Ineedtohearyourfeedback,soIcanbethemosteffective

leaderIcanbe.Now,what’stheproblem?”

Tobylooksdownathislap.“It’sjust-whenyouhadmecompileallthatinformation.”

Heglancesaroundtheemptyoffice,thenlowershisvoice.“Thecreditcardnumbers.It

didn’tfeelright.It’sagainstcompanypolicytohavenames,numbers,andexpirationdates

inoneplace,withnoencryption.Itmakesittooeasyforthewrongpersontogettheir

handsonit.”

“Soyoutoldmethen,”Isay.“Ifyouthoughtitwaswrong,whydidyoustilldoit?”

Tobyadjustshisglasses,bitinghislip.“Truthbetold,Ifeltalittlebulliedintoit.”He

triestoholdmygaze,butfails.

“HaveyousaidanythingtoSteve,oranyone?”

“No,”Tobysays,defensively.“Youtoldmenotto.”

“Listen,Toby.”Istandup,walkaround,andsitonthedeskinfrontofhim.“Iwas

hiredheretomakethingsmoreefficient.Thatpolicyisoutdated,andfrankly,Ithinkit

assumestheworstaboutpeople.”

“SowhykeepitfromSteve?”

“Becausechangehappensslowly,andnotallatonce.I’mdevelopinganewwayto

storecreditcardinformation.Noonewillseethosedocumentsbutyouandme.Promise.”

Iclapmyhandstogether.Thatoughttodoit.“So,doyoufeelbetter?”

Tobynodsnervously.Icantellhe’slying,butthat’senoughforme.HeflincheswhenI

laymyhandonhisshoulder.

“I’mgladwecouldworkthisout.Youcangonow,”Isay.Tobyquicklystandsto

leave.Beforehemakesittothedoor,Iremindhimofonelittlething.“Sincewhatwedid

iscurrentlyagainstcompanypolicy,Ithinkit’sbestwecontinuetokeepthisbetweenus,

forbothofourjobs’sake.”

Tobywalksout,leavingmealone.Inthesilence,griefcomesoutofnowhere,hitting

melikeatonofbricks.That’sbeenmyexperienceforthelastcoupleofyears.Thatwall

ofsadnesscanmaterializeatthemostunexpectedtimes,andsosuddenly,thatIhaveno

otherchoicebuttocrashrightintoit.

Iturnonsomemusicsonoonecanhearmecrying.Thisshouldn’tbemylife.I

shouldn’tbethreateningpeople’sjobs.Butit’snotmyfaultthatthingshavecometothis.I

hatethiscrawling,hopelessfeelingthatIcan’tshake.IhatemissingJake.Ihate

comparingmylifenow,tothelifethatcouldhavebeen.IhatethatIcan’tremembera

timewhenIwasn’tbitterandangry.

Theurgeforliquorfollowscloselyaftertheseattacks,andthistimeisnodifferent.

There’sabardowntheblock.Justonequickdrinktocalmmynerves,tocentermyself.

That’sallIneed.

Withoutthinking,Igrabformypurse.Atthatmoment,atextcomesthroughonmy

phone.It’sSnake.Idropmypurse,andsinkintomyseattoreadit.

ChapterSeven

Snake

Iwalkintothepark,scanningthebenchesforJess.Theresheis,rightwhereItoldher

tobe.Herhairistwistedintoaneatbun,andshewearsablackpantsuitandacollared

shirt.Herspineisstickstraight,bothfeetontheground,assheblinksoutintothe

distance.Shelookedhottheothernightatthefight,butIlikeherbetterthisway.The

bloodfrommybrainrushesdowntomyotherbrain.I’dliketotakethatuptight,

professionalsexpotandunwindher.Iwanttoseeherloseallcontrol,preferablywhile

she’sridingme.

Ipauseforminute,gettingmyheadinthegame.Now’snotthetimetobethinking

withmycock.Thisisbusiness.But,ifonethingleadstoanother,Iwon’tdoanythingto

stopit.

Beforegoingoverthere,Icheckmyreflectioninashopwindow.Ipickedoutmybest

suittoday,navybluewiththinwhitepinstripes,andablacktie.JessandIwouldlook

goodtogether.

WhenIgetclosertothebench,InoticeJessisdrinkingacoffeefromtheshopdown

thestreet.Beforesheseesme,Inoticeshe’sholdingtwocoffees.Ialmostturnaround,and

forgetaboutthewholething.

Iapproachthebench,andsheoffersacoffeetome.Idon’tevenlookatherasIsit

down.

“Don’tlookatme.Don’toffermecoffee.Jesus,isthisyourfirsttime?”

Jessblinksdownatthecoffee.“Firsttimeforwhat?”

“Youknowwhat.”Dreadsettlesinmystomach.Irakemyhandsthroughmyhair.“It

is,isn’tit?”

Jessdoesn’tsayanything,butshedoesn’thaveto.Icansmelltheaffluenceonher.She

lookslikesomeonewhogrewupinafancy,treelinedsuburb,whogotabrandnewforeign

carwhensheturnedsixteen,andwhogrewupmostlyunawareofthedarknessthatmakes

theworldgoaround.Shedoesn’tknowhowwedothingsintheunderworld.

“Pretendlikewedon’tknoweachother.Watchthedogsplaying,thepeoplewalking.”

Igrabthecoffeefromher.“Givemethat.There,nowyoulookniceandnormalwithone

coffee.”

Jess’shouldersstiffen.Shelooksstraightahead.“Youdon’thavetobecondescending.

I’mbringingyoualucrativeopportunity,wrappedinaprettypackage.”

Icasuallylookoverather,scanningherclothesforstrangebumpsthatwouldindicate

awire.Iadmit,I’malsocheckingherout.I’dseenalittleofherbodytheothernight,felt

ittoo.Thefactthatthosehotcurvesarehiddenunderthatprofessionalclothingmakesme

wanttoundressherrightnow.

“YouweretellingthetruthaboutworkingatShopSuite,”Isay.

“WasI?”Jesssays,sarcastically.

“Isawyourphotoonthewebsite.Youweretheonlyonenotsmiling.Doyouever

smile?”

Outofthecornerofmyeye,IthinkIseeherlipstwitch.Shequicklytakesasipof

coffee.Icrossmylegs,andextendmyarmalongthebackofthebench,myfingersalmost

grazinghershoulder.

“Howmucharewetalkinghere?”Iask.

Hericydispositionmelts,justalittle.“Thesky’sthelimit.Ihaveaccesstothirty

millioncreditcards.Cardnumbers,expirationdates,securitycodes.”

Ipause,waitingforhercontinue.Shedoesn’t.

“And?”

Jessbristles.“Andwhat?Whatelsedoyouneed?”

“Youneedaplan,sweetheart.Youneedsomewheretofunnelthecash,andsomewhere

elsetocleanit.Andyouhavetobesmart,careful,makeitsonoonenoticestheircard

beingcharged.”

“That’swhyIneedyou,tofigureouthowallthisworks.”Sheturnstome,lookingat

mestraighton.“Anddon’tcallmesweetheart.”

Itakeaswigofcoffee,andturntoherwithasmile.Ourcover’salreadyblown,and

there’snotmanypeoplehereanyway,soImoveclosertoher.

“Letmeaskyousomething.Whyriskyourcushyjob?ShopSuitedoesn’ttreatyou

right?”

Jessshrugs.“Longhours,noappreciation.Thirtypercentlesspaythanmypeers

becauseofmycunt.Yeah,I’dsaytheydon’ttreatmeright.”

Iturnmyheadandlaugh.“Youdon’thaveafilteronthatmouth,doyou?”Ileaninto

her,socloseIcansmellhershampoo.It’sthesamescentfromtheothernight,vanillaand

cinnamon,sweetandspicyatthesametime.“Okay,I’minterested.Let’sgosomewhere

elsetotalkdetails.”Istandup,typingonmyphone.“Ijusttextedyoutheaddress.Wait

herefortenminutes,thenmeetmethere.”

*

Jess

ImaptheaddressSnakegavemeinmyphone,andwalkdowntheblock,following

thedirections,andgrumblingthewholetime.Snakethinkshe’sslickwithhisnicesuitand

well-groomedhair.Sure,withhistall,tonedfigure,oliveskin,anddarkeyes,he’sstriking,

butobviously,he’slethisgoodlooksgotohishead.Doesheknowthathecomesoffasa

cockyasshole?Heprobablydoes,anddoesn’tcare.

Thedotonthemapblinks,lettingmeknowI’vearrivedatmydestination.Ilookupat

anItaliangrocer.Signsinthewindowadvertisefreshlyslicedmeets,housemade

mozzarella,andworldfamouslasagna.

“Whatthehell?”Imumbleinconfusion.I’mabouttodoublechecktheaddress,when

IgetatextfromSnake.

Gotothebackofthestore,tothedoorontheleft.Myplaceisonthetopfloor.

Ilookup,blinking.Snakemustseemefromhiswindow.Achillgoesdownmyspine,

knowinghe’swatchingme.Ifollowhisdirections,andtakeaflightofstairsuptothetop

floor.There’sonlyonedoorhere,soIknockonit.Snakeanswerswithacockygrin.He

leansagainstthedoorframeandsweepshishandout,invitingmein.He’stakenoffhis

suitjacket,andthesleevesofhisshirtarerolleduptohiselbows.Myeyeslandonhis

thick,muscledforearm.Ontheinsideofhiselbow,Icanseetheendofhisreptilian

namesaketattooedonhisarm.

Hisapartmentissimple,andjustascleanandwellkeptasheis.Myeyesgostraightto

thetablenexttothekitchen,whereabottleofscotch,atubofice,andtwoglassesarelaid

out.Mythroatissuddenlytightwiththirst.Snakesauntersoverthere,andstartsplacing

icecubesintheglasses.

“Ithinkatoastisinorder.”Snaketipsthebottleoveroneoftheglasses.

“Noneforme,”Isay,holdingmyhandup.“Idon’tdrink.”

Snakepauses,thencontinuesfillingaglasswithscotch.Theicecubesdancebeneath

theswirling,ambercoloredliquid.Iswallowandlookaway.

“Howaboutsomesparklingmineralwater?”Snakedoesn’twaitformetoanswer.He

goestothefridge,takesoutatranslucentgreenbottle,andopensitwithabottleopener.

Hefillsmyglass,andwetoast.

“Toournewpartnership,”Snakesays.“Maywemakealotoffuckingmoney

together.”

Isipmydrink,andwatchhimsiphis.Icanalmosttastethealcoholonmylips.Snake

placeshisglassonthetable.

“Let’sgetsomedetailsoutofthewaysowecancontinueourcelebration,”Snake

says.“Iwasthinkinganeighty-twentysplitsoundsfair.”

Itakeapieceoficeintomymouthandcrunchitbetweenmyteeth.“Meaningyouget

eightypercent?Thathardlyseemsfair.”

“I’llbedealingwithmostoftheoverhead,”Snakesays.“Ihavetokickupfundstomy

capoandtheboss,soitmakessenseIhaveahighershare.”

Inarrowmyeyes,thinking.Idon’tcareaboutthemoney.That’snotwhatthisisabout

forme,butIcan’tresistachancetochallengehim.

“Sixty-forty,”Icounter.

Snakeraisesaneyebrow,buthe’ssmiling.“HowdidIknowthiswouldn’tbeeasy?

Seventyfive-twentyfive.Finaloffer.”

Ipauseforamoment,lettinghimfeellikehe’swon,justforamoment.“Seventy-

thirty.That’smyfinaloffer.”

Snakestudiesme,thentakesadeepbreathin.“Deal,”hesayswithasmile.Ifeelof

prickofangerupmyspine.That’sprobablythenumberhe’shadinhisheadallalong.He

stickshishandouttowardsme.Instinctively,Ishakeit.Hisstrong,warmfingersenclose

aroundmyhand.TheannoyanceIfeeltowardshimmorphsintosomethingelse,making

mybloodpressurerise.

“Deal,”Isaythroughmyteeth.

Snakelooksintomyeyes,smilingasheholdsontomyhand.Hetakesanotherstep

towardsme,closingthedistancebetweenus.Hetightenshisgrip,makingtheveinsmore

prominentinhisforearm,andlooksdownatmeunderacanopyofdarklashes.Icansmell

thescotchonhismouth.Itdrawsmetowardshim.

“Nowthatthat’ssettled,”hesays,hisvoicelower.Hetakestheglassfromme,and

setsitonthetablenexttohis.Hishandsettlesonthesmallofmywaistashestepscloser

tome.Icanfeelahardlumpthroughthedelicatefabricofhispants.Heleansdownand

whispersinmyear.“Ibelievewehaveotherunfinishedbusiness.”

Hiswarm,scotchscentedbreathonmyearmakesmeshiver.Mybloodhasturned

warm.Itrushesthroughmyveins,makingmyheartpound.Ishouldscream,hithim,

something,butitfeelsgoodtohavehistowering,strongfiguresoclosetome.Hisbody

heatradiatesthroughhisclothes.That,combinedwiththesmellofalcohol,makesmy

headspin.Iclosemyeyes,andforamoment,allowmyselftobesweptawaywithdesire.

Hishandtightensonmywaist,andIfeelhislipsagainstmine,softandhot.Mynerve

endingsareextremelysensitive.Ifeeleverythingintensely,evenawarmdraftofair

againstmyskin.Snakecupsmyface,andpriesopenmylipswithhistongue.I’maboutto

giveintohim,whenanimageofJakeflashesbeforemyeyes.Ican’tbetrayhim.

Ibackawayquickly,knockingintothetableintheprocess.Theglassesclatter.The

bottleofscotchtipsover,butSnakecatchesitbeforeithitsthefloor.

“Idon’tknow-“Istutter,regainingmycomposure.“Idon’tknowwhatyouthinkthis

is.Thisisjustbusiness.”Ipointathimwithauthority.“Respectmyboundaries.”

Snakenods,carefullyplacingthebottlebackonthetable.“Myapologies,”hesaysto

hisfeet,nottryingtohidethedisappointmentinhisvoice.

Iclearmythroat,andstraightenmyspine.“Sothat’sit?Wehaveadeal?”

Snakegivesmeasidewaysglance,thensitsatthetable,anddrainshisscotch.Hislegs

arespreadopen,andIcanseethathisexcitementfromearlierhasn’tfullygoneaway.I

avertmyeyes,butinthebackofmymindIwonderjusthowhegothisnickname.

“Unofficially,yeah,”Snakesays.“Istillhavetorunitbythecapo.”

“Great.Whencanwesetupameeting?”

Snakescoffs,thenpourshimselfsomemorescotch.“Youwanttocome?Noway.”

Thereitis,theassholethathidesbeneathnicesuits.

“It’smydealtoo.”

Helooksatme,hisfacedrippingwithcondescension.Histoneiscutting.“Listen,

sweetheart.Youstayinyourniceoffice.I’lldealwiththebigbadmen.”

Igritmyteeth.Ican’tbelieveIletthisprickkissme,thatIalmost-

“I’mnotyourfuckingsweetheart,”Iremindhim.“AndI’mnotscared.”

“No?”Snakestandsupsuddenly,makingmejump.“Doyouhaveanyideaofthekind

ofpeopleyou’regettingintobedwith?”

Snakeclencheshisfist.Musclesripplebeneathhisshirt.Eventhoughhe’sslightly

terrifying,Istandmyground.

“Doyouhaveanyideaaboutme?Letmeeducateyou.I’mnotthetypetositonthe

sidelines,lettingothermenhandlethings.That’sasurefirewaytogetfucked,inmore

waysthanone.”

SnakegivesmeasmarmysmilethatI’dliketoslapoffofhisface.“Youspeakfrom

experience?”

“Idon’thavetimeforthisbullshit,”Isay.“Setupthemeeting.Textmethedetails.

ByeSnake.”

Istormoutofhisapartmentandslamthedoorbehindme.Istarttowardsthestairs,but

Istumble.Mypalmsaresweaty,andI’mshaking.DidIreallyjusttalkthatwaytoa

mafioso?Thatguyhasprobablykilledpeople.Actually,he’sdefinitelykilledpeople,

sincethat’saprerequisiteforabeingamademan,accordingtotheinternet.Iwipemy

palmsonmypants,andgriptherailingofthestairs.There’snoturningbacknow.Ibetter

dowhatIsetouttodobeforeIgetmyselfkilled.

ChapterEight

Snake

Ididn’twanttocomeoutwithBrunoandSalvatoretothebartonight,butIdid,

figuringitwasthebestwaytogetmymindoffJess.Thatstuckupbitchthinksshecan

saynotome?I’veneverhadawomantalktomethewayshedid.Infact,ifshewasa

man,I’dsicBrunoonher,orknockheroutmyself.

Butno,she’sachick,andahotoneatthat.IwishIcouldforgetabouther,buther

resistanceonlymakesmemoredetermined.Iwanttostripthatpantsuitoffofher,andfeel

hersubmitasIrunmytonguealloverherbody.Iwanttopullherhairasshedeepthroats

mycock,messingupthatneatlittlebunofhers.Howfuckingsweetwouldthatbe,tosee

herattitudedissolvewhileIcommandedherbody.I’dtiehertothebed,usemyfingers

andtonguetomakehercomeoverandoveragain,tomakeherbegformore.Thatwould

serveherright.

“What’swithyou?”Brunoasks,afterreturningwithafreshround.

Ishrugoffhisquestion,takeaswigofcoldbeer,andlookaroundthebar.Thisis

anotheroneof“our”places,somethingthatcan’tbesearchedforonYelp.It’sdowna

flightofstairsinthebasementofanoldbuilding,andrequiresamembershiptogetin.

Tonight,likemostnights,it’sfullofwiseguysandworkinggirls.Iscantheavailable

pussy,butnooneappealstome.

IcameheretoforgetaboutJess,butIstillcan’tstopthinkingabouther.Mythoughts

alternatebetweenhersquirmingnakedbeneathme,toherbymyside,thetwoofusrising

tothetop,thekingandqueenofthecriminalunderworld.That’sthekindofwomanI

need,abadasswhodoesn’tflinchatdanger,whocanhandlethislifeI’vechosen.Toobad

she’safrigidbitch.

AndI’vebeenthinkingaboutthosecreditcards,andI’vestartedtoformaplan.Ifmy

numbersareright,westandtomakealotofcash.Maybeapaydaywillhelpmeltsomeof

Jess’iciness,andI’llgetmychance.

Salvatoresipshisbeer,lookingaroundwiththatcoldstareofhis.“Thisplaceis

crawlingwithLombardi’s.Lookatthem.”Hegesturestoatrioofgreasyhairedwiseguys

wearingsuitsthatwouldbeperfectformiddleschoolpictureday.Oneofthembendsto

snortalineofcokeoffofthebar.“Theythinkthey’rehotshitbecausetheMariano’shave

fallenonhardtimes.”

“Youthinkweneedtoworryaboutthem?”Iask.

“Theycouldtrysomething,”Salvatoresays.“Trytokickuswhilewe’redown.That’s

whatI’dbethinkingifIwasoneofthem.”Hescowlstowardsthemwithagazesocoldit

couldcutsteel.

“Easy,”Brunosays.“Montysaysnottostartanyshitwiththem.Focusyourmindon

allthedelectableass.”

“Ican’taffordanyofthesewomen,”Salvatoresays,thenlooksatme.“Thanksto

you.”

“Sincewhendoyouneedtopayforit?”Brunoasks.

Salvatoregivesusasidewayssmile.“Idon’t.Justwhenthey’reonthepayroll,they’re

morewillingtoexperiment.”

“Experiment?”Bruno’sfacecrinklesinconfusion.“Whatkindofshitareyouinto?”

“Power.Pain,”Salvatoresays,calmly.

“Sickfuck,”Brunosays,laughing.

“Itellyouwhat,”Isay.“Takeyourpick.Putitonmytab.”

Salvatorelooksatmewithsuspicion.“Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?Don’ttake

ondebtyoucan’tpayback.”

Icrackmyknuckles.“It’llbefine.I’vegotsomethingintheworks.”

“Likewhat?”Salvatoresays.

Ileanforward,keepingmyvoicelow.“Easymoney.Lowrisk.Ihavethecreditcard

numbersofthirtymillionpeople.”

“Howthehelldidyougetthat?”Brunoasks.

“Imadeconnectionswiththerightpeople.I’mplayingthegame.Tellmewhatyou

thinkofthis.I’mthinkingsetupashellcompany,somethingwithagenericname.Makea

smallchargetoafewmillioncardsatatime,androtatetherestoutinbatches.Noone

getschargedtwomonthsinarow,sotheydon’tnotice.Andiftheydonotice,it’sonlya

fewbucks,sotheywon’twanttogotothehassleofcallingthecreditcardcompanyto

contestit.”

BrunoandSalvatorelistencarefullyasItalk.WhenIfinish,wesitinsilenceforafew

moments.IcanseeinSalvatore’sglassyeyedstarethathe’smullingitover.

“Shit,”Salvatoresays,finally.“Thatcouldwork.”

Islapmyhandagainstthetableincelebration.“Couldyouputinawordformewith

thecapo?GethimexcitedabouttheideabeforeIgotohim.”

“Sure.I’lltalktomyoldman.”Salvatore’sattentionhasalreadydriftedtoawomanby

thebar.“Butfirst,I’mgoingtotieupthatblondeoverthere,andmakehermyslavefor

thenight.”

Salvatoregetsupandstridesovertotheblonde.Idon’tunderstandhowshe’snot

freakedthefuckoutbythewaythatguylooksather.Hiseyesarelaserfocusedonher,

likehe’salionlookingathisnextmeal.Butshe’saprofessional,soshe’sreceptiveof

him.Theychatforafewmomentsbeforeheadingupstairstotheprivaterooms.

“Tellmethetruth,”Brunosays.“Howdidyougetthatracket?”

Iturnbacktomybeer.“LikeIsaid,Imadeaconnectionwiththerightperson.”

“Whoishe?”

Isigh.Bruno’sgoingtofindoutsooneroflaterwhoI’mworkingwith,soImightas

welltellhim.

“YourememberthatbrunettenumberIsnuckawaywithatthefight?”

“Yeah,Iremember,”Brunosays.“Thehotlawyerlady,orlibrarian.”

“She’sneitherofthosethings,”Isay.“SheworksatShopSuite.She’sgotsomehoity-

toitytitleupthere.Andshe’sgotaccesstoeverycreditcardnumberthat’severbeen

throughtheirsystem.”

Brunoswingshismassivearmupandrubshisface.“Jesus,Snake,whatdoyouknow

aboutthisgirl?”

“Enough.”

“You’renotthinkingwithyourcock,areyou?”

Isipmybeerandlookathimoutofthesideofmyeye.“Notexclusively.”

“Areyousureyoucantrusther?”

“Mostly,”Isay,cockingmyhead.“Doyouhaveanybetterideas?Ifyoudo,I’dlove

tohearthem.”Brunoissilent.“That’swhatIthought.Idon’tknowhowmanymore

monthsthebosswillletmecomeupemptyhanded.”

Brunodoesn’thaveananswertothat,sohechangesthesubject.He’stellsmeabout

theothernightwhenhehadto“talkto”abarownerwhowaslateondues.Thisparticular

barislocatedonablockwheretheMariano’shavelongprovidedprotectioninexchange

forfinancialcompensation.Apparently,theownerisnew,anddidn’tunderstandhow

thingsworked.

“Youshould’veseentheguy’sfacewhenIwalkedin,”Brunosays.“He’ssome

fuckinginvestor,claiminghe’srunningalegitimatebusiness.AllIhadtodowassmasha

barstoolagainstthebar,andhewastakingouthischeckbook.”

“You’reamasterofconflictresolution,”Isay,clinkingmybeeragainsthis.

Ourtoastisinterruptedbyasharp,piercingscreamcomingfromupstairs.BrunoandI

lookateachotherforasecond.

“FuckingSal,”Isay.

BrunoandIjumpupfromthetable.TheLombardi’sarealreadywayaheadofus,and

theygettotheroombeforewedo.Whenwewalkin,Salvatore’ssurroundedbythegreasy

scumbags.He’sshirtless,withhispantsandbeltundone.OneoftheLombardi’shas

pulledagunonhim.Salvatoreholdshishandsup,talkingtothemcalmly.Theblondehe

pickedupistiedtothebed,completelynaked.Brunountiesher,andthrowsherasheetto

coverherselfwith.

“Youokay?”Brunoasksher.

Sheshrugs,thenlightsupacigarette.“Hewantedmetoscream,toresist.”Shetakesa

longdrag,thenpointstheburningendofthecigaretteatSalvatore.“Istillbettergetmy

fuckingcash.”

“Youwill,”Isay,thenwalkovertotheLombardi’s.Theguywiththegunturnsiton

me.Idon’tsomuchasflinch.“Youheardthelady.Shewasjustdoingherjob.”

Theguydoesn’tlowerhisgun.Hesquints,likehe’sconsideringwhethertoshootme

ornot.He’stryingtoscareme,butthat’snotgoingtowork.Itakeastepforward,sothe

barrelisinchesawayfrommychest.

“Youreallywanttospillbloodhere?”Isay.“We’realljusthereforagoodtime.Save

itforthestreet.”

Iknewtheguywasfuckingbluffing.Helowershisgun,butstaresatmeforafew

tensemoments.IfeelBrunobehindme,gettingreadytopoundsomeass.TheLombardi

eventuallybacksaway.Oneofthemspitsatmyfeet.Brunostartsforhim,butIholdmy

armout,stoppingthebeast.

“Easy,”IsaytoBruno,thenturnbacktotheLombardi.“Wegoodhere?”

“We’regood,”thatscumsays.“Fornow.”

Salvatorestaresafterthemastheyleavetheroom,thenturnstous.

“Thanksforthebackup,boys,”Salvatoresays,withthecalmnessofmanwhodidn’t

justhavegunpointedathim.Heflitshiseyesovertotheblonde.“Now,ifyou’llexcuse

me.”

“We’llleaveyoualone,”Isay.“Justfuckingkeepitdown.”

*

Jess

Thefrozendinnerspinsaroundinmymicrowave.Icanhearitpoppingandbubbling

asthesteamescapesthepackage.Thisisn’tmyideaofagooddinner,butIdon’thavethe

timeorpatienceforanythingelse.

Themicrowavedings.Ireachinsideandremovemyentree.Someofthesaucegetson

myhand,burningmyskin.Idropitonthecounter,cursing.WhileIruntheburnunder

somewater,mymindtravelstoanalternatedimension,whereJakeisstillalive.There,

I’mnotbattlingfoodthat’sbeennukedinthemicrowave.I’mchoppingvegetables,

roastingchickenandpotatoes,maybebakingmyownbread.I’mpreparingamealforJake

andI,andourfamily.

Thevisiondims.Iturnbacktotheoozing,pipinghotexcuseforfoodonmycounter.

Thisismyreality.Itakeittothetable,whereI’vepouredapplejuiceintoatumblerglass.

I’mwellawareofhowpatheticthisis.Theglassofapplejuicelooksjustlikethescotch

Snakehadofferedmeathisapartment,butIhavetofindcomfortwhereIcanfindit.

Icanonlystomachhalfofthefrozendinner.Aftercleaningupalittle,Igotothe

bathroomanddrawabath.Ifeelalittleguiltyfordoingsomethingasindulgentassoaking

inatubfullofwater,butthere’snotmuchelseIcando.Myplanisinmotion.AllIhave

todoiswait.

Isinkintothehotwater,hopingtoclearmyhead,atleastforalittlewhile.Itworks.I

closemyeyes,lettingthetensionreleasefrommymuscles.JustbecauseI’mavenging

Jakedoesn’tmeanIcan’tenjoymyselfonceinawhile.

Butmymindquicklymovestotheplan,tothedetailsI’vealreadyspenthours

obsessingover.Fromthere,it’sashortjumptoSnake.WhenIfirstthinkofhim,mybody

tingleswithanger.Iclenchmyhandsintofists.Icanhardlywaitforthenextopportunity

totellhimoff,toputhiminhisplace.Ialmosthopehetriestofuckmeagain,soIcan

shuthimdown,again.

Icanseeitnow.He’llgivemethatlook,andmoveinclose.He’llputhishandsonme

likeI’msomethingheowns.MaybeI’lllethimgrabmyass.MaybeI’lllethimkissme.

He’llpressagainstme,likehealwaysdoes,showingmehe’shard.

Myinnerthighsclench.Isitupabruptly,realizingthatI’mnotfantasizingabout

turninghimdown,I’mfantasizingabouthim.Iburymyfaceinmywethands.Snakeis

hot,there’snousedenyingthat,butitshouldn’tdistractme.AndifheknewwhoIreally

was,whatIwasreallyafter,he’dwanttokillme,notfuckme.

Igetoutofthestillwarmbath,andgrabatowel.Crouchingbeneaththesink,Ipry

opentheairconditionervent.There,Ifindaphotoalbumthatcontainstheonlyevidence

ofmylifebefore.Whileflippingthroughthepages,Icanbarelylookatmyself.Inevery

photo,I’msmilingbroadly,myfacecoveredwithloadsofmakeup,andmywavyhair

straightened.I’musuallyholdinganalcoholicdrinkofsomekind;cocktails,wine,a

champagneflute.Whoisthat?Isthattherealme?IfeellikeI’mlookingatadead

woman.

IgettothephotoofJakeandme.I’mbeaming,holdingmyhanduptoshowmybrand

newengagementringtothecamera.Itwasaprincesscut,threecaratdiamond.I

rememberatthetimethinkingitwasalittlesmall,andalittleplain.Therewerenoother

diamondsorstonesbesidethemainone.Iwanttopullmyselfoutofthepictureandgive

myselfagoodslap.

IlookintoJake’sshining,blueeyes.Mythroatchokesupwithtears,butIwanttoslap

himtoo.He’snotwithoutfaultinthiswholemess.Irunmyfingeroverhishandsome

face.AslongasIlive,I’llneverforgetwhatIsawinthatmedicalexaminer’soffice.He

didn’tlooklikeJake.Withhishead,softandbloody,hebarelyseemedhuman.

“Accidentaldeath,”Dr.Stone,themedicalexaminer,hadtoldme.

Ifeeltheragerisingupinsideofmeagain,freshandraw.

Mycellphonedingsfromthebedroom.Igointheretogetit.It’satextfromSnake.

Tomorrow.8pm.I’llpickyouup.

Acoldsmilecreepsovermyface.I’mclose,soclose.Soon,thiswillallbeover.After

IdowhatIneedtodo,Idon’tcarewhathappenstome.Takingthephonewithme,Igo

backtotheairconditioningvent.Ireachmyhandfartherinside,andfeelthesmallvial

I’vehiddenthere.Ipressitagainstmypalmforamoment,thenputitbackintoplace.

Mycellphoneringsagain.It’salreadyeighto’clock.Ianswer.

“Hi,Dad.Yep,everything’sgreat.”

ChapterNine

Snake

IpullupinfrontofJess’apartmentbuildinginthecarSalvatoreloanedme,ablack

BMWi8withblackleatherinterior.It’sasweetride,smoothandfast.Maybeonceour

creditcardschemegetsgoing,Icanaffordoneofmyown.

JessiswaitingoutsideformewhenIpulluptothecurb.Itakeamomenttoadmire

howgoodshelooks.She’swearingablack,kneelengthpencilskirt,andafitted,lowcut

emeraldgreenblouse.Herwavyhairistousledandlooseoverhershoulders.Very

businesssexy.Iknowwhatshe’sdoing.She’susinghersexuality.WithaguylikeMonty,

that’sasmartmove.Hecan’tsaynotoapairofnicetits,whetherthey’reaskinghimfora

ridehome,ortogoupandgetthemoonforthem.

Shestartstowalkovertothepassengerseat.Igetoutandbeatherthere,thenopenthe

doorforher.Shegivesmeanannoyedlook.

“Evening,Jess,”Isay,leaningovertheopendoor.

“Evening,”shesays,curtly,thenstartstogetintothecar.

I’madmiringherasswhenshebendsdown,andnoticealumpatherhip.Iputmy

handoverit.

“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”sheasks.

Irunmyhandoverthelump,feelingthehandleofagun,asnub-nosedrevolverfrom

myestimation.

“You’restrapped?”Iask.

Jessshovesmyhandaway,andgetsinthecar.“You’renot?”

Onthedriveover,Jessdoesn’tseemmuchinthemoodforconversation,butIdon’t

thinksheeveris.Ikeepquiet,notpushinganything.Ifocusontheroad,thoughher

cleavageisprettydistracting.

WearriveatFirenze,afivestarItalianrestaurantwho’sowneristightwithFranco

Mariano,theboss.Francoprovidedthecapitaltogetthisrestaurantstartedsometimein

theeighties.Sincethen,anyMarianoeatsatFirenzeforfree.

Alotofpeoplearealreadyhere.Mobstersstreaminside,alldressedtothenines,with

theirwivesandkidsintow.Jesssquintsoutofthewindow.

“Isthisaparty?”sheasks.

“It’sMonty’sbirthdayparty,”Isay,puttingthecarinpark.

Jess’lookgoessour.“Ithoughtthiswasabusinessmeeting.”

“Thecapowillbeinagoodmoodtonight.Trustme,youwanttocatchguyslikehim

inagoodmood.”

Igetoutofthecar,andseeJessstruggletoopenherdoor.Itwon’tbudge.Icome

aroundandopenitforher.

“Whyisthatlocked?”sheasks,standingupandstraighteningherskirt.

“Thepassengerdoorlocksfromtheinside.It’saspecialfeature.”Iofferhermyarm.

“Shallwe?”

Iexpecthertostickuphernoseandrefusemyarm,butshetakesit.Shewalkscloseto

measweapproachthefrontdoor.Ifigureshe’sscared.Braveassheis,sheshouldbe

scared.She’swalkingstraightintothelion’sden.Butit’sokay.I’llkeephersafe.Itighten

myarmaroundhers,lettingherknowasmuch.

Thelobbyispacked.MostoftheMarianofamilyhasshownuptocelebrateMonty’s

sixtieth.AllofMonty’ssoldiersarehere,andguysfromtheothercrewsaswell.They

swarmaroundthebarorderingdrinks.MuralsofFlorence,paintedbyanItalianartist,are

sprawledacrossthestuccowalls.There’sanimpressivewaterdisplaybehindthebar,and

thefloorislinedwithterra-cottatiles.

IholdontoJess’armasInavigatethroughthecrowd.Inthebackroom,justoffofthe

diningroom,IseeFrancoMariano.He’ssurroundedbymademenwhoarepayingtheir

respects.

“There’ssomeonewehavetogreetfirst,”IwhispertoJess.

“Monty?”sheasks,hereyeslightingup.Geez,thischickisallbusiness.

Iputmyhandonherhipsandswivelhertowardsthebackroom.“FrancoMariano.

ThebossoftheMarianofamily,themostpowerful,anddangerousmaninLA.”

IwashopingtoscareJessalittle,soshe’dsidleupclosertome,butitdidn’twork.

Shedropsmyarmandstartsforthebackroom.Sheturnsbacktome.“Whatareyou

waitingfor?”

Shewaltzesintothebackroom,elbowingthroughthecrowdofmobsters,untilshe’s

standinginfrontofFranco.Franco,adistinguishedmaninhisseventies,looksherover.

“I’dliketointroducemyself.I’mJessHunt.”

“JessHunt,”Francosays,withcalmpatience.Hetakesherhandandkissesit.“And

whoareyou?”

Jessgiveshimaflirtatioussmile.“I’myourbusinessassociate.”

Franco’seyesflitovertome.“Shewithyou.”

“Yes,boss,”Isay.“Icanvouchforher.”

Franconods,dully.“Uh-huh.Andremindmeofyourname,youngman.”

Irubthebackofmyneck,ignoringJess’questioninglook.“TylerGallo.Igoby

Snake.I’moneofMonty’sguys.”

Ittakesafewmoments,butIfinallyseeaflickerofrecognitioninFranco’sface.

“Snake,ofcourse.Youknow,meandtheotherguysrefertoyouasthe‘charitycase,’

soyoucanunderstandmyconfusion.”

“Sure,”Isay,forcingoutalaugh.“Youknow,JessandIhavesomethingexcitingin

theworks.Ithinkyou’llbeverypleased.”

“That’sgoodtohear.WeneedMonty’screwtoturnthingsaround.”Francoturns

towardshisotherguests,lettingusknowhe’sdonewithus.“Youtwohavefuntonight,”

hesays.

Jessstaresatmeasweelbowourwaybacktothelobby.That’snotthelightIwanted

hertoseemein,withmyownbossstrugglingtoremembermyname.Thatwillallchange

soon.

JessandIkeepgettingseparatedinthecrowd.Ireachbackandgrabontoherhand.

Atfirst,sheflinches,thenherfingersrelaxundermygrip.Ijerkmyheadovertothebar,

whereMonty’salreadystartedonthetequilashots.

Jessfreezes,makingmestop.IlookbackandseeherstaringatMonty.Herteethare

clenched,hernarrowedeyesfocusedonhim.Igiveherhandasqueeze.

“Now’snotthetimetochickenout,”Isay.

Shejerkshergazetome.“I’mnotchickeningout.Let’sdothis.”

Whilewalkingoverthere,Ihopethisconversationgoesbetterthantheonewith

Franco.Ihavealotoffacetosave.

“Happybirthday,capo,”Isay,pattingMontyheartilyontheback.

Heturnstomewithahugesmile.Hisfaceisred,andhe’ssweating,acombinationof

acrowdedroomandliquor.

“Snake,”Montyyells,drawingoutmyname,andholdinghishandsout.“Thankyou

forbeingheretoday.Wouldyoulikeashot?”Hepicksupthebottlesittinginfrontofhim.

“GranPatronBurdeos,theonlyliquorworthdrinking.”

EventhoughFrancotoldmetohavefun,Idon’tfeelcomfortabledrinkingfromafour

hundreddollarbottleoftequilauntilIstartbringingcashin.

“I’mgood,”Isay,holdingupmyhand.

MontylooksoveratJess.“Ashotforthelady?”

Jessdoesn’tsayanything.ShestaresstraightatMonty,butitlookslikeshe’sworlds

away.Istepintokeepherfromruiningthings.

“I’dliketointroduceyoutoJessHunt,”Isay.“Hopefully,anewbusinessassociateof

thecrew.”

Montyeyesher,hisgazesettlingdirectlyontoherchest.“Uh-huh.I’mawareofMs.

Hunt.Salvatoretoldmeallaboutyourlittlescheme.”Hegrabsmyshirtwithhismeaty

fist,andpullsmeclosetohim.“Welldone.Ialwaysknewyouwereasmartkid.Nowgo

getadrink.”

Iwishhimahappybirthdayagain,thengrabJessandwalkaway.

“Isthatit?”sheasks,nervously.

Igiveheraconfidentsmile.“That’sit.Itoldyouhe’dbeinagoodmood.”

Ifindanemptytablenearthewinecellar,andtellJesstohaveaseat.Iglideoverto

thebarfeelinglikeanewman.Mymoneyproblemsareallbutover.AllIhavetodonow

isriseuptheranks.Charitycase,myass.

Irecognizetheguybehindthebar.It’sMattWalker.Wegrewupattheboy’shome

together.Hewearsacrispwhiteshirtandblackslacks.HelooksbetterthanI’veseenhim

inalongtime.Hemust’vegottenhimselfcleanedup,thoughI’msureunderthoselong

sleeves,there’sstilluglyredtrackmarksontheinsideofhisarm.

“Yo,Matt,”Isay,reachingacrossthebartoshakehishead.“Youlookgood,man.

Howareyou?”

Mattthrowsatoweloverhisshoulder,andplantshishandsonthebar.“Iamgood.I’m

workingherenow.Hoursareshit,butthetipsaren’tbad.”

“Lookatyou,allcleanedupandwithalegitimatejob.I’mgladtoseeyouhere,

insteadofrunninglowleveljobsfortheLombardi’s.WhatdidItellyouaboutthem?

Theygiveyoualltherisk,andhardlyanypay.”

Mattnods,laughing.“Theykeptmeflushwithsmack,butallthat’sbehindmenow.”

“That’sgreat,”Isay,hopinghemeansitthistime.

IreturntoJesswithourdrinks,champagneforme,sparklingappleciderforher.She

shakesherheadasIhandittoher.

“Relax,”Isay,sittingbesideher.“It’sjuicewithbubbles.”

Shesmiles,ifonlyforasecond,andacceptsthedrink.Iclinkmyglassagainsthers.

“Nowit’sreallyofficial,”Isay.

Jess,who’sstaringatmychampagnewithenvy,blinksrapidly.“Good.”

Wespendafewmomentsinsilence.IwatchJessdiscreetly.Shit,she’sbeautiful.Ever

sinceImether,shemakesotherwomenlooklikeblandpiecesofcardboard.Andeven

thoughshegetsonmynervessometimes,Ilikethatbitingattitudeofhers.

Idon’twanttobejustbusinesspartners,Iwanttobemore.Butmyusualmethods

haven’tworkedsofar.I’lladmit,I’malittleoutofmywheelhousehere.Inthepast,all

I’vehadtodoisflashacharmingsmile,andpantiesarehittingtheground.Itakeanother

sipofchampagne,decidingtoputmycockawayfornow.

“So,tellmeaboutyourself,”Isay.

Jesssquints,likeIjustsaidtheskyisorange.“What?”

Ilookup,pleadingwithwhatevergodmaybewatching.“Iwanttoknowaboutyou.

Wherearefrom?Wheredidyougotoschool?Whatdoyouliketodo?”

Jessblinks,consideringthequestionslikeit’sanalgebraproblem.“SantaBarbara.

Stanford.Work.”

“Jesus,I’mtryingtohaveaconversationhere.Whymakeitsohard?”

“Sorry.I’musedtoyoutryingtoslipyourhandsdownmypants.”

Itakeadrink,swallowingthesmartasscommentonmytongue.“You’reright.Please

excusemyungentlemanlybehavior.I’llkeepmyhandstomyself.”

Jess’bottomlippokesout.It’saquick,unconsciousnessmovement.Iliketothink

she’sdisappointedinhearingIwon’tputamoveonher,whichencouragesme.

“We’rebusinessassociatesnow,”Icontinue.“I’vegotnothingbutrespectforyou.

We’reequals.”

Jessraiseshereyebrows,hereyesglimmering.“Equals?”shesaysinahopefulvoice.

Iturntowardsher,thinkingI’mfeelinghericyexteriormeltjustabit.Maybethenice

routineisworking.

“Totellyouthetruth,”Istart,humblingmyself.“Yousavedmyass.TheMariano’s

havefallenonhardtimeslately.IfIdon’tturnthingsaroundsoon,I’llbesleepingwiththe

fishes,astheysay.”

Ilaugh.Jessdoesn’t.

“Isthatajoke?”sheasks.

“Yes.”

“Youdon’tseemsosure.”

Iraisemyhandslookingupattheceiling.“It’safuckingjoke.Youknow,haha,

laughing.DoyoudothatonIceQueenPlanet?”

Atthis,Jesslaughs.Hershouldersrelax.Shelooksatme,andfinally,doesn’tlooklike

she’sathousandmilesaway.

“WouldyoucallmeanIceQueenifIwasaman?Orwouldyoucallmeassertive,

determined,strong?”

Itakeaminutetothinkaboutthis.“Ifyouwereman,I’dadviseyoutogetyourdick

sucked.Relaxalittle.”

Sherollshereyes,butshe’sstillsmiling.“So,it’sbacktosex?”

Inoticeachangeinherbodylanguage.It’ssofter.Hershouldersaresquaredtowards

me.Isensemychance.ShelookssurprisedwhenItakeherhand,andkissherknuckles.

“It’snotjustsexI’mafter,”Isay.

Ifeelarushofadrenaline.Ican’tbelieveIjustsaidthat.ButJessdoesn’tcoweraway.

Shelooksupintomyeyes.There’sawarmthinmychest,andsomehow,Iknowshefeels

ittoo.Istarttoleanintokissher,whenJesssuddenlystandsup,sayingshehastogoto

therestroom.

Sheyanksherhandawayfrommine,thenwalksquicklytowardstherestroom.Ireach

myarmsback,likeI’mstretching,tryingtoplayitoff.Whenshe’sgone,andIrealizeno

one’slooking,Itipbackthechampagne,drainingitinonegulp.

Whathappened?Whydidsheleave?Icould’vesworntherewassomethingbetween

us,aconnection.Whyissheresisting?Isittherealoneforafewmoreminutes,stewing.

Theniceguyapproachdidn’twork.I’llhavetobemoreassertive.

Istraightenmytie,thenheadtothehallwaywheretherestroomsarelocated,and

watchthedoortothewomen’sroom.AssoonasJesscomesout,I’mgoingtograbher

andkissher.I’mgoingtomakeherconfrontwhat’sbetweenus.Iholdmyhandsintight

fists,pumpingmyselfupforwhatIhavetodo.

Whatthehellistakinghersolong?Iwatchwomengoinside,thencomeoutafew

minutesafter.Anxietycreepsupmyspine.DidJessditchme?Iwatchanothergroupof

womenenter,andthenexit.I’mreasonablycertainthattherestroomisempty,soIstorm

inthere.

“Jess,”Iyell.There’snoanswer.Icheckeverystall.They’reallempty.Glancing

around,Itrytofigureouthowshecouldhaveescaped.Theonlyoptionisthewindow,but

it’shighuponthewallandtonarrowtosqueezethrough.

IshoulderpastaconfusedelderlywomanasIexittherestroom.IlookforJess

everywhere,ateverytable,ineveryroom.

“Fuckingbitchcalledacab,”Igrumbleundermybreath.She’dgottenwhatshe

wanted,whichwastomeetMontyandsealthedeal,andsheleftmeinthelurch.I’m

abouttogotothebartodrownmysorrow,whenIrealizethere’soneplaceIhaven’t

looked,thekitchen.It’salongshot,butIhavetotry.

Ifollowawaiterandslipintothekitchenbehindhim.It’samadhouseinhere.There

areaboutadozencooksallpreppingfordinner.Atonetable,theypeelamountainof

shrimp.Atanother,alatinomanismincinggarliclikeaninja.Ofcourse,Jessisnowhere

tobefound.I’mabouttoleave,whenawaiterentersthroughadoorintheback.Whenthe

doorswingsopen,Iseeit’sasmallroomstackedhighwithboxes.BeforethedoorclosesI

catchaglimpseofsomethingemeraldgreenhiddeninadarkcorner,almostobscuredbya

rackofshelves.

That’sJess’blouse.What’sshedoinginthere?Irunhotwithjealousy.Immediately,I

assumeshe’sfoundanotherguytohookupwithinthatdarkroom.Thecooksaretoobusy

tonoticeasIwalkthroughthekitchentothatdoor.Ithasn’tclosedalltheway,soI’mable

topeekthroughthecrack.Iwanttocatchherwithwhoeverheis,soIcanbreakhisnose.

Everyoneatthepartysawmewalkinwithher.It’sagainsttheMarianocodeofhonorto

takeamademan’swoman.

Jessisstillinthesameplace,standingwithherbackflushagainstthewall.Herdark

clothingisbarelyvisibleinthedimlylitroom.FromwhatIcansee,she’salone.Shelooks

around,thenwalksovertotable,whereabottleofliquorisbeingchilledinatubofice.

Hermovementsarefranticasshereachesintoherpurse,andpullsoutsomethingsmall.

Sheopenstheliquorbottle,pourssomethinginsideofit,thenquicklyscrewsthecapback

on.

“Whatthefuck?”Imutter.

Ifindalargeovenfullofbakingbreadandduckbehindit.Sureenough,Jessexitsthe

room,thenquicklywalksoutofthekitchenwithoutbeingnoticed.

Mystomachsinks.Whatthehellissheupto?

Whenshe’sgone,Islipintotheroom,andheadstraightforthatliquorbottle.There’sa

notecardlyingnexttothetubofice,withReservedForMontyMariano:Servewith

dinnerscrawledacross.

“Shit.”

Iimmediatelystarttosweat.Whoisshe?WhohaveIbroughtintothefamily?Igrab

thetequilabottlebytheneck,andpullitsoakingwetoutoftheice.There’sautilitysink

here.Iunscrewthetop,andpourtheentirecontentsdownthesink.Istashtheempty

bottleatthebottomofatrashcan,andgetthehelloutofthere.

Igotothebathroomandsplashcoldwateronmyface.Icanbarelylookatmyselfin

themirror.ItwasmyjobtovetJess,andIfailed.WasIthatdesperateforcash,thatI’dlet

atraitorintotheinnercircleofthefamily?Finally,Ibringmygazetomyreflectioninthe

mirror.

“Getyourshittogether,”Itellmyself.

Outsideinthelobby,Iskirtaroundtheedgesofthecrowd.IspotJessatourtable.

She’slookingaround,probablywonderingwhereIwent.Ifingerthegunstrappedtomy

hip.Ishouldtakeitout,andshootherrightnow.Butthatwouldbringuptoomany

questions.ThebossmightthinkthatIwasinonherscheme,thenbothofuswouldbe

dead.

AwaitercarryingatrayofchampagneapproachesJess.Ithinkshe’llwavehimaway,

butinstead,sheacceptsaglasswithafriendlysmile.Shetakesasip,closinghereyeswith

pleasure.

“Youbitch,”Igrumble.“Whothefuckareyou?”

Someoneclinksaknifeagainstaglass,andtherestaurantgoessilent.Francostandsat

thecenterofthelobbywithMontynexttohim.

“Iwanttothankeveryoneforcomingoutandcelebratingmydearnephew,”Franco

says.“Youdon’tlookadayoversixty-five.”

“I’msixty,”Montyyells,drunkenly.Thecrowseruptsinlaughter.

“Now,”Francocontinues.“Pleasejoinusinthediningroom.Dinnerisserved.”

There’salongtablewithenoughchairsforeveryonesetupinthediningroom.Jess

blinksaroundtheroom,unsurewhattodo.IkeepmyeyesonherasIapproachher.

“Thereyouare,”shesayswhensheseesme.

Iholdoutmyarm.“Shallwe?”

Wefindourplaceatthetable.I’mstaringatJess,hard,butshebarelynotices.She’s

watchingMontyattheheadofthetable.Waitersswarmaroundthetable,refillingdrinks

andtakingorders.WhenoneapproachesMontywithafreshglassoftequila,Jess

straightensupinherseat.HereyesarewideasMontytakesasip.Thecapo’sface

scrunches,andhestarescrosseyedintohisglass.

“Hey,”Montyyellsafterthewaiter.“Whatisthisswill?It’snotmyPatron.”

Whilethewaiterrunsoverapologizing,IwatchJesssinkintoherseat.Herfaceturns

ghostwhite.Inudgeherwithmyelbow.

“Havingfun?”Iask.

“What?”sheasks,blinking.“Uh-huh.”

ChapterTen

Jess

Thepartyismerry.Themobstersandtheirfamiliestalkjoviallywhilethewaiterskeep

thealcoholflowing,andfillthetablewithmountainsoffood.Theworldisspinning

aroundme,butI’mstill.

Ifeellikeazombie.InibbleonapieceofarugulatomakeitlooklikeI’meating.And

Monty,thatred-faced,drunkenasshole,ishavingthetimeofhislife.Peoplefawnallover

him,cateringtohiseverywhim,andhelapsitupgreedily.Heshouldbewrithingonthe

ground,foamingatthemouthbynow.

Itakesipofwater,bitingbackthetasteofchampagneonmytongue.Itwasamoment

ofweakness.Ithoughtmyplanwasfinallycomingtofruition,butI’dcelebrated

prematurely.

Snakeisuncharacteristicallyquietbesideme.Thatcan’tbegood.Whatdoesheknow?

Ormaybehe’sjustpissedthatIblewhimoffearlier.Still,Ican’tbesure.Iglancearound

thetable,guessingattheamountofgunsandammothat’scurrentlyinthisroom.Ifanyof

theseguysknewwhatItriedtopulloff,they’dshowermewithbullets.Thatwouldbeall

wellandgoodiftheplanhadactuallyworked.

Wefinishdinner,followedbycake,andthepartystartstodiedown.Istickwith

Snake,quietandoutofsight,butcloseby,ashesayshisgoodbyes.Idon’tknowwhy,but

IfeelbetterwhenI’mclosetohim,safer,likehewouldprotectme.Irealizethisisa

fallacyofcourse.He’soneofthem.

Whenwegetinthecar,Snake’sstillquiet.Itrytoavoidlookingathim,butIcanfeel

hisenergy,stiffandbitter.Itpracticallyfillsthesilentcar.Hisegoisbruised,Itellmyself.

He’sfinallyrealizedit’snotgoingtohappenbetweenus.

Or,hesawwhatIdid.

Ipuzzleoverwhatcould’vehappened.Someonegotridofthetequila,whichmeans

theysawwhatIdid.Ipressmyfingernailsintomypalm,silentlycursingmyself.Ihadn’t

plannedonkillingMontytonight,thoughIhadn’truleditouteither.Thepartyjustseemed

liketheperfectcover,withlotsofpeoplecomingandgoing.I’dbeensurenoonehadseen

mepoisonthetequila.Still,Iwastoorash.Ishould’veplannedbetter.ButIwasseduced

bytheideathatthiscouldallbeovertonight,andIwouldn’thavetogetinanydeeper

withthemob.

WasitSnake?Ilookathimdiscreetly.Anyoneelsewould’vekilledmeimmediately.

IturnmyattentionbacktotheroadwhenSnakepullsintoagasstation.Itlookslike

it’sclosed.It’sdarkhere,andnoone’saround.Iwonderifit’sevenopenforbusinessin

thefirstplace.Myheartstartstopound.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Iask.

“Ineedgas.”

IglimpseatthegasneedlebeforeSnakecutsthecaroff.Thetankisthree-quarters

full.Snakegetsoutofthecar.Iwatchthroughthewindshield,terrifiedashecrossesover

tomyside.Instinctively,Itrytoopenthecardoor,butit’slocked.Snakeopensthedoor,

andbendsdownoverme.I’veneverseenhisfacelikethis.It’scold,andcreepily

professional.Inaninstant,Iunderstandwhat’shappening.Snakesawme.Hecouldn’tsay

ordoanythingatthepartybecausehedidn’twanttoimplicatehimself.He’sgoingtokill

menow,niceandquiet.

“Getout.Stretchyourlegs.”Snake’svoiceiscommanding.Itreverberatesdeepinside

ofmybelly.

I’msoterrified,Ican’tspeak.Mylimbsarestifflikepetrifiedwood.AllIcandois

shakemyhead.

“Getout,”Snakesnarlsthroughhisteeth.

Iblinkupathim,unmoving.Snakelaughs,achilling,cuttingsound.Then,hisarm

dartsintotothecar.Ifeelhissteellikegriparoundmyupperarm,sotightI’msureitwill

leaveabruise.Heyanksmeout,thenspinsmearound,pressesmeagainstthecar,and

pinsmyhandstoroof.

“Whoareyou?”hesays,hotagainstmyear.

I’mtremblingbadly.Mylegsareturningtojellobeneathme.IhavetorelyonSnake’s

bodypressedagainstmetostayupright.Ican’tthinkofanythingbetterthantoplaydumb.

“Snake,whatareyoudoing?”Theterrorinmyvoiceisreal,makingitevenmore

authentic.“YouknowwhoIam.”

Itrytoturnaround,buthepushesagainstmyupperback,slammingmebackintothe

car.

“Don’tmove,”hewarns.

Irestmyforeheadagainstthecar.Myhurriedbreathsareamplifiedagainstthemetal

exterior.Theyechoinmyhead.Icanbarelythinkstraight.Snakestickshishanddownmy

skirt,takesoutmyrevolverandshovesitinhispocket.Helayshishandsonme,broad

andintrusive,ashepatsdownmyarms,mywaist,andupeachofmylegs.Hishandsare

icywhenhereachesmyinnerthigh,intensifyingmytrembling.

Snakegrabsaholdofmyhair,pullingmyheadbacktotalkdirectlyintomyear.

“Whosentyou?”

“Noonesentme,”Isay,desperately.“What’sthisabout?”

IfeelSnakesmile.“Youknowwhatit’sabout,Jess.”

Hepushesmebackinsidethecar,thenslamsthedoorshut.Hegetsbackintothe

driver’sseat,andpeelsoutoftheparkinglot.He’sdrivingfast,likeamadman.Igripthe

seataswespeedontoahighway,hurtlingoutofthecitytowardsthewest.Where’she

takingme?Snakedriveswithonehandonthesteeringwheel,theotherunderhischinand

hiselbowagainstthewindow.He’scompletelyclosedofffromme.Istarttomissthe

chauvinistic,overconfidentassholethatpickedmeuptonight.Maybehe’sstillinthere.

“Idon’tknowwhatyourthinking,”Isayinatimidvoice.“Butyou’rewrong.”

Snakeignoresme,whichpissesmeoff.Whatrightdoeshehavetotakemeagainstmy

willlikethis?

“Takemehome,”Isay,angerrisingmyvoice.“Stopthecar.Letmeout.”Snake

doesn’treact,soIkeeptrying.“Thisiskidnapping.”

Snaketurnstomeslowly,andsmirks.Withonehand,heunbuttonshisjacket,and

pullsittotheside,showingmethegunstrappedtohiship.Heletshishandrestonthe

handle.

“Stayquiet,”hethreatens.

Timemovesinablur.Thelightsofthecitydiminish,andeventuallydisappearbehind

us.Theroadflattensoutbeforeus,longandstraight.There’snothingouthere,savethe

occasionalfarm.Asnightdeepens,thestarsbrighten,weavingaglitteringwebof

constellations.Ipickoutthebigdipper.

I’mgoingtodie.AndIdidn’tevengettokillMonty.

ThisiswhattheydidtoJake.Theydrovehimouttotheremotedesertandshothim

dead.WhenIfirstlearnedofJake’sdeath,Ihadnoideawhathewasdoingouthere,sofar

away.OnceImadetheconnectiontotheMariano’s,itallmadesense.Theymusthave

trickedhimintogettinginthecarwiththem,orkidnappedhim.Whatwashethinkingon

thatlongdrive?DidhefeelsomethingsimilartotheeerilycalmcertaintythatIfeelnow?

Snakepullsovertothesideoftheroad,andcutstheengine.Thistime,Idon’teventry

toopenmydoor.Ilethimopenitforme.Snakepullsouthisgunandtrainsitonme.

“Getout,”hesays.

Icautiouslydowhathesays.

“Walk.”Snakegrunts,directingmetowardstheendlessdesert.

Hewalksbehindme,thegunonme,whileIstrugglethroughthedry,sandygroundin

mypointyheels.Low-lyingbrushgrazesagainstmyankles,makingmethinkofsnakes

andscorpions.Butthewildlifehereistheleastofmyworries.

Inthecrisp,dryair,myheadstartstoclear,evenwiththegunmanatmyback.Icould

acceptmydeathisimminentifIdidn’thaveunfinishedbusiness.Shit,Idon’thave

anythingtolivefor,haven’tforalongtime,andIalwaysknewkillingMontywouldresult

inmydemise.ButIcan’tgotomygraveknowingthatthatevilsonofbitch,afterallhe

tookfromme,iswalkingfreeanddrinkingexpensivetequila.

AndSnakestillneedssomethingfromme.

“Stop,”Snakesays.

Wewalkedsofarout,Ican’tseethecar,ortheroad,anymore.Iturnaround

cautiously.Snakeisstillpointingthegunstraightatme,buthe’snotthecalculated

businessmanfromthecar.Hiseyesaredark,intense,butheseemsalittledistressed.I

takeasharpbreathashepoiseshisfingeroverthetrigger.

“Why,Jess?’Snakeasks.“WhypoisonMonty?Whatdoyouhavetogainfromthat?”

Iholdmyhandsup,showinghimmypalms.Denyingitwon’tgetmeanywhere,soI

decidetolevelwithhim.

“Revenge,”Isay,curtly.“Avendetta.Isn’tthatamafiathing?Montydestroyedmy

life.”

“Andhowdidhedothat?”Snakesays,cockily.

“Hekilledsomeoneclosetome,andcovereditup.”

Snakesmirks.“Allinaday’swork.”

Fuckingdickhead,Ithink,clenchingmyteeth.“Thecreditcardnumbersarereal,”I

say,jumpingtotheonlyleverageIhave.“Theplanwillwork.”

Snakelowersthegun,onlyslightly.“WhatmakesyouthinkI’devertrustyouagain?”

Heraisesthegun,thenapproachesmequickly.“Onyourknees.”Hegrabsmyarm,

wrestlingmedowntotheground.Abig,blackscorpionscurriesawayasmykneessink

intothesoftearth.

“Youcantrustme,becauseIdon’twantyoutokillme,”Isay.“They’rereal,Snake.

Youknowtheyare.Iimagineyoutestedafew,didn’tyou?”

Snaketowersoverme,liningupthesightsofhisgunsohe’saimingdirectlyatmy

forehead.

“Wherearetherest?”heasks.“Wherearethethirtymillion?”

Iswallow.“I’llshowyou.”

Snakestepsforward,pressingthebarrelagainstmyforehead.Themetaliscoldand

hard.Iclenchmyeyesshut,waitingforthebullettocrashthroughmyskull.Thisisit.It’s

allover.Atleasttherewillbenomorepain,grief,ormiserywhereI’mgoing.I’llsink

downintothedryearthandgotosleep.

Suddenly,thecoldsensationatmyforeheadisgone.Iopenmyeyestentativelytosee

thatSnakehasreplacedtheguninhisholster.Hehookshishandundermyarm,and

roughlyyanksmetomyfeet.Islamagainsthistorso,feelingthegunathisside.

“Youwillshowme,”Snakesays.“Andafterthat,ourbusinessisdone.”Hepushesme

away,inthedirectionofthecar.“Now,walk.”

ChapterEleven

Snake

IcontemplatedkillingJessforfourhours,fromthemomentIsawherpoisonMonty’s

tequila,tothemomentIpulledmyfingerawayfromthetriggerinthedesert.Thatwas

threehoursandfifty-nineminutestoolong.Whatkindofsoldierdoesthatmakeme?I’m

toosqueamishtokillthischick,why?Becauseshe’scute?I’vepledgedmyironclad

loyaltytotheMariano’s.IntheoathItook,Ipromisedtodoanythingforthegoodofthe

family;servetimeinprison,evenifinnocent,andofcourse,kill.

IfanyoneonthecrewknewthatIsawanattemptedhitonourcapo,andlettheperp

live,they’dhangmebytheskinofmyballs.MontyisSalvatore’sfatherforChristsakes.I

oweSalmylife.WithouthimI’dbenothing,probablyjustanotherdopefiendlikeMatt

andtheotherguysfromtheboys’home.Idon’tevenwanttothinkaboutwhatSalvatore

woulddotomeifheknewwhoJesswas.

I’macoward.I’vegivenintomyemotions,andletthemholdmeback.Rightnow,I’m

escortingaenemyofthefamilybacktoherapartment,togatherthecreditcardnumbers

thatIshould’vefuckinggrabbedinthefirstplace.Ilookaheadattheroad,lettingthe

moonlightguideme,andtrytoforgetshe’sthere.

SometimesImissthedaysofslingingdopeonthecorner.Salvatorehadabouttwenty

ofusorphansworkingunderhim,drivingalucrativedrugindustry.Irosetothetop,

makingmoresalesthananyone.That’sbecauseallIcaredaboutwasthehustle.Ididn’t

pocketmyearningsliketheotherstospendonstrippersandbeer,orinjectmyprofitback

intomyarm.Ijustworkedmyassoff,andSalvatoretooknotice.Hegavemethemost

profitableterritories,andabiggercutthantheotherdealers.

Backthen,beforeIwasmade,thingswereeasy.Everythingmadesense.Ihadaclear

mission,andallIhadtodowaskeepmyheaddownandchasethatcash.Now,onestupid

littlemistakeleadstoanother,andsuddenly,mywholelifeisfucked.

WhenIpulluptoJess’apartmentbuilding,Ilookatthatstupidlittlemistakeinthe

seatnexttome.She’snotscaredanymore.She’snottremblinglikeshewaswhenIwas

hurtlingtowardsthedesert,pleadingforherlifeinanunsteadyvoice.I’vegottoadmit,I

gotarushfromhavingsomuchpoweroverher.AllIhadtodowasmovemyhand

towardsmyguntomakeherflinch.Iprobablycould’vedoneanythingIwantedtoher.

Toseehernow,withthatsnobbishlookonherface,andherpageantqueenposture,

pissesmeoff.Afterwhatshetriedtopull,sheshouldbeterrified.MaybeifIwasn’tsuch

acoward,shewouldbe.Beforegettingoutthecar,Iopentheglovebox,andtakeouta

pairofhandcuffs.IglareatJesswhileIshovetheminmycoatpocket.

Iopenherdoorandpolitelytellhertogetout.I’dliketoreachinthereandgrabher,

butIdon’tknowwhocouldbewatchingfromtheirapartmentwindow.Jesshesitates,

givingmeasarcasticsmile,thentakeshertimegettingout.

“Thankyou,”shewhispersasshewalkspastme.

Arrogantcunt,Ithink,bitingbackthewordssoIdon’tsaythem.Iwatchherasssway

asshewalkstowardstheapartment.Ishouldtieherup,makeherscreammyname,and

showherwhoshe’sdealingwith.

Weprobablylooklikearegularcouplecomingbackfromanightoutaswewalkup

thestairstoherapartment.WhileJessunlocksherfrontdoor,Iputonehandonmygun,

andtheotheronthecuffs.JessstridesinsidelikeI’mnotthere.Sheevenslamsthedoor

closedbehindher.Istopitwithmyfootandkickitbackopen.

Holdingmygunonher,Ibackherupintothekitchenuntilherassbangsagainstthe

cabinets.Herhandsareup,showingmeherpalms,butthelookinhereyesisoneofbitter

anger.Igrabherwrist,thencuffhertoatowelrack.Ihavehernow.She’smyprisoner.If

Iwantedtoputmyhandsonher,toripherclothesoffwhereshestands,shecouldn’tdo

anything.

ButIremainprofessional.Ihavebusinesstotakecareof.Unlikebefore,Iwon’tlet

mycockgetintheway.

“Wherearethecreditcardnumbers?,”Isay.Iholdthegunbymyside,readyifIneed

it.

Jessgritsherteeth.Ialmostwanthertoresistme.Iwanttohavetopresstheguninto

herlowerstomach,andwatchhereyesturntopoolsoffear.Butsheseemstohave

sproutedsomesense.

“There’saCD-ROM,”shesays,coldly.“Inthebedroom.Underthemattress.”

Iheaddownthehalltoherbedroom.It’sasdrabasanyotherroomintheapartment.

There’snothinghangingonthewall,noknick-knacks,nothing.Ofcoursethatcoldbitch

wouldthinkit’snotworthhertimetodecorate.

Islipmyhandsunderthemattress,andheaveitoffofthebed.Thecornerhitsafull-

lengthmirrorhangingonthewall,crackingtheglass.Thereitis,lyingonthebedframe.

It’sanunmarkedCD-ROMinaclearcase.Isnatchitup.

IhavewhatIcameherefor,soIneedtogo.ButIcan’tstopmyselffromopeningthe

drawersofthesidetable.Jackpot.It’sherunderweardrawer.Isiftthroughtheplaincotton

garmentsuntilIfindastashoflacythongs.Itakeablackonewithredribbons,andstretch

itovermyfingers,imagininghowitlookswrappedaroundhertightass.Deeperinthe

drawer,Ifindapinkvibrator.

Whodoyouthinkofwhenyouusethis?Isilentlyaskher,turningthedevicearoundin

myhand.Iswitchiton,anditbuzzesinsidemyenclosedfingers.Apparently,eventheIce

Queenneedssomesexualreliefeveryonceinawhile.

Backinthekitchen,JessisrightwhereIlefther.IholduptheCD-ROMforhertosee,

thenstashitinmypocketwiththeblackthong.

“Whatthehellwereyoudoinginthere?”Jessspits.“Itsoundslikeyouweretearing

theplaceapart.”

Igiveheramenacingsmile,thenslowlypushablenderoffofthecounter.Theglass

breakswhenithitsthetilefloor.Jess’complexionturnsashadewhiter.Hereyeswiden

withfear.Theresheis,myscaredlittlelamb.

“Yougotwhatyouwant,”Jesssnarls.“Getout.”

Isidesteptheglassonthefloor,examiningthecontentsofhercounter.Ilookather

whilerunningmyfingeroverthehandleofalargekitchenknife.

Jessbitesherlip.“Whatareyougoingtodotome?”sheasks,solemnly.

WhatamIgoingtodowithher?IknowwhatI’dliketodo.

IwalkuptohercalmlyuntilI’mpressedagainsther.Jessleansbackoverthecounter,

butthere’snowhereforhertogo.Shecan’tescapeme.Ifeelherbreathinherbelly.With

everyinhale,herchestexpands,pushinghertitsagainstmychest.Itakemygunandpress

itintoherside.Shewhimpers,andbeginstoshake.

“DoyouknowwhatIshoulddotoyou?”Iask.“WhatmyloyaltytotheMariano

familydemandsofme?”

Ipushthebarrelofthegunharderintoherflesh.Jessswallows,thenhardensherface.

“What’sstoppingyou?”

Ifeelarushofanger.Isshereallycallingmybluff?Istareherdown,makingmyeyes

coldandhard.Jess’upperlipcurlsindefiance.Afterafewmoments,Istepawayfrom

her,chuckling.

“Yougotasuicidewishorsomething?”Iask.“Whateverthislittlevendettayouhave

isn’tworthit.YoustrikeattheMariano’sagain,we’llstrikeback.Considerthisyourlast

warning.”

IfeelhereyesonmeasIsearchthroughabowlofkeysonthecounter.Ifindone

labeledspare,withherapartmentnumberwrittenonit,andmakesuresheseesmetakeit.

“I’llbewatching,”Isay,thenheadtowardsthedoor.

“Hey,whatthefuck?”Jessyells.“Areyoujustgoingtoleavemehere?”

Islamthedoorclosed,andusemykeytolockit.Jessshouts,“Fuckingprick,”atthe

door,thengrumbleslowlytoherself.ItakeoutthereversepeepholeviewerIboughtoffa

cop,andtakealookather.

Jesshasopenedadrawer,andissearchingthroughit.Shetakesoutameat

thermometer,andusesthepointyendtodigintothelock.Ittakesherafewminutes,but

sheeventuallygetsthecuffstoopen,freeingherself.

“Sneakybitch,”Isayundermybreath.MaybeIshouldgointhereandfuckher,getit

outofmysystemsoIcankillher.Butno,oncewon’tbeenough.Onetastewon’tsatisfy

mycraving.I’lljusthavetowatchher.Closely.

Igodownstairstothecar,reclinethedriver’sseat,andsettleinforthenight.While

watchingJess’windowlikeahawk,Iseeheropenthedrapes.Iflashmylightsathera

coupleoftimes.Shelooksrightatme,thenangrilyyanksthedrapesclosed.

ChapterTwelve

Jess

Snakeisthere,parkedoutsideofmywindow,allnight.Isleeponthecouch,waking

upeverycoupleofhourstopeekthroughthedrapes.Inthewell-litparkinglot,Ican

clearlyseetheblackBMW,andtheoutlineofSnake’sheadandshoulders.Ican’tbesure,

butitdoesn’tlooklikehe’ssleeping.Hisgazeisunwaveringonmywindow,watching.

Fuck,he’snevergoingaway.I’vereallybackedmyselfintoacornerhere.Snakewill

eitherwatchmeformyentirelife,orkillme.IwanttocrywhenIthinkofallthework

I’veputintothisplan.Itwasn’teasydryingoutinrehab,orgoingbacktoStanfordto

completemyMBA.ButIdiditbecauseMontydeservestodie.

ThelasttimeIwakeupisaroundfiveam.Thesunhasjustbeguntorise.Adewyfog

floatsoverthehoodoftheblackcar.Ifeellikeshit.I’vebarelysleptatall.There’snoway

I’mgoingbacktosleep,soIgetuptomakecoffee.

Whilethecoffeebrews,Istewwithanger.Whycan’tSnakejustfuckoff?Mybeef

withMontyhasnothingtodowithhim,evenifSnakeisaso-calledsoldier.Whataprick.

Hecan’tseepasthispreciousoathofloyaltytousehisbrainforonesecond.Hedoes

whateverthatpsychopathMontysays,forthesakeofwhat?Hisreputation?Somekindof

distortedsenseofhonor?

Itakemycoffeetothetableandstareintothesteamingmug.ButSnakedidn’tkillme.

Hedidn’ttellanyoneaboutwhatIdid.Obviouslyheknowsthey’dkillmeimmediately.In

astrangeway,he’sprotectingme.Isthatwhyhe’swatchingmenow?

Ismackmyforehead,groaning.Wishfulthinking,much?Themobsteroutsidewillput

abulletinmyheadandburymeinthedesertifIsomuchaslookathimwrong.Ineedto

getagrip.

AndIneedtofigureoutwheremyplanforrevengestands.

Ishowerandgetdressedlikedusual,thenwalkoutsidetomycar.Snakeisthere,

staringatmethroughthewindshield.Hedoesn’twave,hedoesn’tsmile,ornod.Hejust

stares.Mymiddlefingeritchestosalutehim.Iholditdownwithmythumb.

Ignoringhim,Iwalktomycar.Iimmediatelynoticeablack,box-shapedobject

stickingoutfromunderthecar,nearmybacktires.It’snotconspicuous,butit’snot

hiddeneither.Hewantsmetoseethis.Atrackingdevice.

Igetit,you’regoingtobeupmyassforwhile,Ithink,rollingmyeyes.Iwalkupto

thedevice,andgiveitaquickkickwiththepointytoeofmyblackpump.Ilookbackat

Snake,sneering.Ididn’tdoanydamagetothedevice.Ijustwantedhimtoseemedothat.

Ipulloutoftheparkinglot,andstartonmyusualpathtowork.Intherearviewmirror,

IseeSnakefollowingafewcarsbehind.Hefollowsmeallthewaytowork.Heparkson

thecurbwhileIwalkuptothebuildingandgoinside.Ilookthroughthewindowonthe

firstfloor,andthat’swhenIseehimfinallydriveaway.

Atfirst,Ifeelrelief,thenanxietyedgesitswayupmyspine.Snake’sgone.He’snot

watchingmeanymore.Buthewon’tbearoundifsomeoneelsedecidestocomeandget

me.Amigrainecrashesthroughmyskull,makingmepinchthetopofmynose.The

stress,disappointment,andfearhashitmeallatonceintheformofamindcrushing

headache.

Iwalkquicklythroughthecubiclestomyoffice,myheaddowntoavoidthelight.

Sharon,thereceptionist,callsmynamewhensheseesme.Iholdmyhandouttoher.

“Notnow,”Ibark.

Theentireofficeheardthis,andtheycowerintheirseatsasIpassthemby.Myoffice

isdark,andIkeepitthatway.Iclosetheblindsonthewindows,andlockthedoors.

Sittingatmydesk,theheadachedissolves,escapingthroughmyeyesaswaterytears.

Everything’sfallenapart.Ifuckeditup,everythingI’veworkedformonthstosetup,right

attheend.

I’msorry,Jake.

ThetearsoverwhelmmeasIunlockthebottomdrawerofmydesk.Itakeoutasmall

boxthatcontainsthelastremainingevidenceoftheweddingI’dplanned.There’saswath

ofItaliansilkfrommyweddingdress,oneoftheinvitationsInevergottosend,andthe

engagementring.It’snotshinyandnewlikeinthepictureIhaveathome.Thediamondis

cracked,andthewhitegoldbandissplit.Iwaswearingitduringthecrash.

Isliptheringontomyfinger,justtofeeltheweightofitagain.Idon’twanttobewho

Iamrightnow,bitter,hard,andshoutingatreceptionists.Therealme,theonewhopicked

outthematteivoryinvitationwithgoldfoillettering,istrappedinheresomewhere.She’s

theonewhokeepsthissentimentalstuff,andconvincesmetolookatit.NomatterwhatI

do,orwhoIkill,I’llneverbeheragain.Nothingcanbringmyoldlifeback,orthefuture

Isawdisappearbeforemyeyes.I’mtrappedwiththisgrief,thisloneliness.IfSnakehad

endedmylifelastnightinthedesert,hewould’vebeendoingmeafavor.

Iremember,invividdetail,theafternoonthatweddingplanning,champagnehappy,

designerlabelpersonIusedtobedied.I’djustgottenthecallthatmorning,thatJake’s

bodyhadbeenfound.BythetimeIarrivedatthemedicalexaminer’sofficetoidentify

him,thenewshadn’tsunkeninyet.Icouldn’tquitebelievethatJakewasdead.Gone

forever.

Aprettyblondewomaninawhitecoatledmetoacoldroom.Shesqueezedmyhand,

thenpulledthewhitesheetdown,revealingJake’shead.Icouldn’tquitebelieveitwas

him,thoughIknewitwas.Hisfacewasbruised,hischeekssunkenin,andhisskindry

andcracked.Thetopofhisheadwasmisshapen.Thewoundwasclean,butIcouldstill

seedark,congealedblood,almostthesamecolorofhishair.Gray,bruisedpuncture

woundscircledhislips.

“That’shim.Thankyou,”Isaid,likeshe’djustgivenmethecoffeeI’dordered.Itilted

mychinup,andstartedtoleavetheroom,onlytocollapsetothefloorwithmyfirststep.

Theblondewomanandafewothermenrushedtomyaid.Theytookmetoanempty

examinationroomandgavemeabottleofwaterandacracker.Theyleftthedooropen,

andIcouldseeDr.Stoneinthehallway,speakingwithamanwhoI’dlaterlearnwas

MontyMariano.IwatchedinconfusionasMontyhandedDr.Stoneathickenvelope.Dr.

Stoneslippedtheenvelopeintohisjacketpocket,andshookMonty’shand.

Momentslater,Dr.Stonecametocheckonme.HetoldmethatJake’sdeathhadbeen

ruledaccidental.WhenIbroughtupthewoundonhishead,andthosearoundhismouth,

Dr.Stoneshrugged,mumblingsomethingaboutwildcoyotes,thenofferedhis

condolencesbeforeleavingmewithmywaterandcracker.

Ipressmynailsintomypalmatthememory.Ishould’vecursedathim,demandedthe

truth.Ishould’vemadehimtakeoutthatenvelopeandcountthehushmoneyinfrontof

me.Menhavealwayskeptmeontheoutsideoftheirbusiness,myfather,Jake,Dr.Stone,

whileIlivedinmytower,spoiledwithjewelryandclothes.Iwasfinewiththe

arrangementbeforeJakegothimselfkilled.Now,Iwon’teverbekeptinthedark.Not

again.

WheredoIgofromhere?Thetearsfinallydryup.IcleanmyfaceupasbestIcan,

thenpullupthequarterlyreports.Noneofthenumbersmakesense.Theyalljumble

togetheronthescreen,tauntingme.Noneofthismatters.

There’saquick,assertiveknockonmydoor.Iwipemyeyes,hopingmyfaceisn’ttoo

tearravaged,andcallthemin.

“Goodmorning,Jess,”Stevesays,takingmeasuredstepsinsideofmyoffice.He’s

wearingatealgreenshirtandgrayslacks.Hereachestothelampinonmydesk.“Doyou

mind?It’sawfullydarkinhere.”

Iwavemyhandathim.“Goahead.”

Thelampbrightenstheroom.Isquint,waitingformyeyestoadjust.Steveignoresthe

factthatIresembleafrayed,nocturnalanimal.Hefoldshishandsinhislap,peeringatme

overhisglasses.Hedoesn’tlookpleased.

“There’ssomethingverysensitiveIneedtodiscusswithyou,”hesaysinalowvoice.

“Apparently,there’sbeenabreechofprotocol.”

Hepauses,waitingformefillinthegaps,andincriminatemyself.ButI’mtoosmart

forthat.Iwaitpatientlyforhimtocontinue.Heleansforward,cockinganeyebrow.

“Thecreditcardnumbers.”Hisvoiceisbarelyaboveawhisper.

Ashockgoesupmyspine.Toby.

“Ireceivedananonymoustip,”Stevesays,asifreadingmymind.“There’snowayof

knowingwhereitcould’vecomefrom.Now,I’msureyourealizethatcompiling

informationlikethatisagainstcompanypolicy,andgroundsfortermination.”

Ikeepmycool,evengivinghimalittlesmile.“I’maware.Ijustwantedtolookinto

something,toseeifwecouldmakethingsmoreefficientforthecustomer.The

informationwasneversaved,orstoredinanyway.”

Stevelookshopeful.“Isthattrue?You’reabsolutelysurenooneelsesawit,right?”

“I’monehundredpercentsure,”Ilie.ThatCD-ROMiswithSnakesomewhere,along

withapairofmypantiesthatIknowhestole.

Stevecollapsesback,exhaling,revealingjusthownervousheis.Hetakesoffhis

glassesandrubshistemples.Icantellhewantstoyellatme.Hejustdoesn’thaveitin

him.

“Justdon’tletithappenagain,okay?”Stevesays.“Andlet’sjustkeepthisbetweenus.

IftheexecsfindoutIletthishappenonmywatch-“Hisvoicetrailsoff.

Igetup,andgentlyplacemyhandonhisback,leadinghimtothedoor.“Ofcourse,

Steve.Iapologizeforgoingagainstcompanypolicy.Itwon’thappenagain.”

“Good,good,”Stevesays,mostlytohimself.

BeforeIclosemydoor,IgetaglimpseofToby,peekingatmefromthewatercooler.I

glareathim,andandhescurriesaway.

ChapterThirteen

Snake

I’vebeenJess’shadowforthreedaysnow.Herscheduleisprettyboring.Allshedoes

isdrivetoworkinthemorning,thendrivehomeintheevening.Whileshe’sattheoffice,

Ileavehertogoaboutmyday.Withthetrackingdeviceonhercar,I’llknowtheminute

shetriestoleaveheroffice,andI’llbehotonhertail.

Thathasn’thappenedyet.Work,home,work,home.That’sallshedoes.Ilike

knowinghereverymove,knowingwheresheisatalltimes.Wehaven’tspokensinceI

handcuffedhertoatowelrack,butI’malwayswatching.

Onemorning,IwatchJesstakequickstepstowardsheroffice,herroundassswaying

inthegoldensunlight,thenIheadtotheconcretestore.IhaveameetingwithMontyto

updatehimonourplan.NowthatIhavethecreditcardnumbers,Idon’tneedJess

anymore.Ijusthavetowatchher.

InodtothehandfulofsoldiersthereasImakemywaytoMonty’sofficeandknock

onthedoor.WhenIenter,thecapoisthemiddleofbreakfast.Aplatefulofbaconsitson

hisdeskinfrontofhim.

“Icancomebacklater,”Isay.

Montyshakeshishead.“Sit.Talk.”

MontycrunchesapieceofbaconwhileIpullouttheCD-ROMfrommyjacket

pocket.

“Heretheyare,”Isay.“Thirtymillioncreditcardnumbers.”

Montysmilesashewipesthegreasefromhischin.

“That’sgoodwork,soldier.Realgood.Where’syourpartner?”

Ifiddlewithmytie.“Shecouldn’tmakeit.Dayjob,andall.”

“That’stoobad.Iwantedtoseethatsweetassagain.”Hedrinksfromamugofmilky

coffee.“Areyouhittingthat?”

“No,”Ispit,reflexively.

Montytapshiscoffeemug,hiseyesnarrowing.“DoyoumindifI-“

Mystomachtightenswithdisgust.JesswouldnevergoforamanlikeMonty,no

matterhowmuchmoneyorpowerhehas.Shedoesn’tgoforthatkindofshit.

“She’s,uh,notveryreceptivetothatkindofthing.”

Montyraisesaneyebrowatme,chuckling.“Isee.”Heleansforward,foldinghis

handstogether.“So,what’syourplanforthesenumbers?”

“Nominalchargeseachmonth,funneledintoanoffshoreaccount.Istillneedto

hammeroutthedetails.”

Montynods,lickinghisteeth.“Itwouldmakemoresenseifthechargescamefrom

ShopSuite.Like,anytimetheypurchasesomethingfromthesite,there’sasmallsurcharge

thatgetsfunneledtous.”

Ishakemyhead.“We’dhavetogetintothebackendoftheirwebsitetopullthatoff.”

Montythrowshishandsout,palmsfacingtheceiling.“Yeah,what’stheproblem?Jess

isabigshotupthere,right?”

AllIcandoisquietlynod.Montyclapshishandstogether.

“It’llwork,soldier,”Montysays.“Thingsaregoingtoturnaround.TheMarianoname

willcommandrespectonceagain.”Hepicksupapieceofbacon,andnibblestheend.“By

theway,bringJessaroundsometime.Ineedtokeepaneyeonnewfacesuntilthey

becomefamiliar.Youunderstand.”

Beadsofsweatformonmyforehead.Iwillmyselfnottowipethemaway.

“Sure.Ofcourse,”Isay.Weshakehands,andIleavehimtohisbreakfast.

Shit.ItlookslikeIcan’tjustcutJessoff.We’llhavetokeepupappearances,forthe

plan,andsoMontydoesn’tgetsuspicious.

Ishovemyhandsinmypocketsandwalktowardstheshop,hopingnoonetriesto

stopmetotalk.IneedtofigureouthowtogetJesstoplayalong,andhowtokeepher

fromgettingbothofuskilled.I’malmosttotheexit,whenIseeSalvatoreandAnthony

talkingbytheslabsofconcrete.Inodatthem,hopingtokeepgoing.ButAnthonyrunsup

tome,callingmyname.

“What’sup?”Isay.

Anthonytiltshisheadback,hislipscurled.“I’vegotaquestionforyou,Snake.You

liketequila?”

Ithinkmyheartstopsbeating,justforasecond.Ilookupattheceilingandshrug.

“It’sokay.Notusuallymydrinkofchoice.”

“Uh-huh,”Anthonysays,lookingatmeupanddown.“Asyouknow,someonestole

thecapo’stequilaatthepartytheothernight.Youknowanythingaboutthat?”

“Nah,”Isay,wavinghimoff.“Theyprobablymadeamistakeinthekitchen.Those

thingshappen.”

“Right,right.”Anthonytakeshishandsoutofhispocket,androllshissleevesupto

hiselbow.“Thestrangethingis,theemptybottlewasfoundinatrashcaninthebackroom

ofthekitchen.It’slikesomeonedrankthewholedamnthing,orpoureditout.Who’ddo

somethinglikethat.Andwhy?”

IglancebackatSalvatore.He’swatchingmewithhiscoldeyes,waitingformetosay

something.

IpushpastAnthonytowardsthedoor.

“WishIcouldhelpwithyourinvestigation,butIhaveactualbusinesstoattendto.See

you,Sal.”

ChapterFourteen

Jess

SnakeisalwaystherewhenIleavework.I’vegrownusedtohiswatchfuleye.Ieven

findmyselflookingforhimattheendoftheday.He’salwaysinthesamespot,acrossthe

streetfrommyofficebuilding,parkedatameter.Today,whenIcomeoutofthefront

door,Ilookoverthererightaway.Hisregularspotisempty.

Istopwalking,myheelsskiddingagainsttheconcrete.Whereishe?Ishewatching

mefromsomewhere?Ijerkmyheadaround,lookingforhim.Mypalmsbegintosweat.If

he’snotwatchingme,somethingcouldhappen.WhatiftheothersoldiersfoundoutwhatI

did,andSnakewastakenoffwatch?It’sstrange,andIhatemyselfforit,butIfeelsafer

withSnakearound.

Ashort,quickhonkgetsmyattention.There’sasilverAcuraparkedafewyardsaway

intheemployees’lot.Myheartstartstopound.Whoisthat?Thenthewindowrollsdown,

revealingSnake’scockysmile.IrememberthattheblackBMWhewasdrivingwason

loan.

“Lookingforme?”hecalls.

Shit,didheseemepanicking?Icoverupmyembarrassmentwithasneer,then

shouldermybagandmakeformycar.

“Yo,wait,”Snakecalls.

Iwhirlaroundandfacehim.Snakecasuallygetsoutofthecar,hislong,leanlegs

dressedinablacksuitunfoldingbeneathhim.I’dforgottenjusthowtallheisuntilhe

stretchesuptohisfullheight.Heleansagainstthecar,casuallylightingacigarette.

Ilefttheofficealittleearly,andinafewminutes,thisparkinglotwillbeswarming

withmyunderlings.TheyalreadythinkI’maragingbitch.Ican’tletthemseeme

minglingwiththemob.Iwalkuptohimasquicklyasmyheelswillallow.

“Whatdoyouwant?”Isnap.

Snakecoollygesturestothecar.“Getin.”

IknowI’llhavetoeventuallydowhathesays,butIwon’tlethimwinthateasily.

“Didyoucometopaymebackforthedamageyoudidtomybedroom?Orgiveme

backtheunderwearyoustole?”

Snakepeersdownatmethroughthedarkcanopyofhislashes.“Younoticed?”

“Ofcourse,Inoticed.”Heatrisesfrommyfleshatthethoughtofhimpocketingmy

panties.

“Youtakeinventory?”heasks,cockinghishead.“Orwereyoulookingforsomething

elseinthatdrawer?”

Anelectricjoltmakesmezipmythighstogether.He’stalkingaboutmyvibrator,

whichwasn’tintheexactspotI’dleftitinbeforehesearchedmyroom.Snakeopenshis

coatjustwideenoughtoshowmethesilvergunglintingintheholsteronhisside.

“Let’snotwasteanymoretime,”Snakesays.

Iplantmyfeetontheground.“Ifyoudon’tleave,I’llscream.”

ThesideofSnake’smouthtwitcheswithanarrogant,lopsidedgrin.“No,youwon’t.

Becauseifyoudothat,peoplewillstartaskingquestions,anditwon’tbelonguntilthey

findoutwhatyou’vebeenupto.”Hewalksovertome,andtakesmyhandinhis.“I’mthe

onlyonewhoknowswhatabadgirlyouare.Let’skeepitthatway.Comeon.”

Isnarlathimasheleadsmetothepassengerseatofthecar.

“Doesthisonelockfromtheoutsidetoo?”Iask,slidinginside.

Snakeshakeshishead.“No.That’sjustSalvatore’scar.”

Whilehedrivesawayfromtheofficebuilding,IstudySnake.Hedoesn’tseemas

tenseandhostileastheothernight.Hedoesn’tactlikeamanwho’sabouttocommit

murder.Butthenagain,howwouldIknow.

Ieventuallyrealizethatwe’redrivingtowardshisapartment.Ibreakthesilence.

“Whereareyoutakingme?”

“Ithoughtwecouldhaveabusinessmeetingoveracoupleofsandwiches.You

hungry?”

Isitbackintheseat,crossingmyarmsovermychest.“DoIhaveachoice?”

Snakedoesn’tsayanything,butIknowtheanswer.Heparksthecar,thenwewalkup

totheItaliangrocer.Snake’shandisonmetheentiretime,eitherlightlyrestingonthe

smallofback,orgentlygraspingmyarm.He’ssendingaclearsignalthathe’sincontrol.I

don’tfighthim,fornow.

TheguysbehindthesandwichcounterrecognizeSnakewhenwalksin.

“Theusual?”ayoung,beardedguywearingplasticglovesshouts.Hisname-tag

proclaimsthathe’sRick.

Snakenods,thenflashesRicktwofingers.Wefindatabletowardsthebackofthe

restaurantandsettlein.He’sactingsocasually,Istarttogetnervous.Hasheluredme

here?Aretheguysmakingoursandwichesinonit?Issomeonepointingagunattheback

ofmyheadrightnow?

“Relax,”Snakesays.Hereachesacrossthetableandgrabsmyhandbriefly.“You’re

safewithme.”

Ihatehowperceptiveheisofmyeverymove.Nothinggetsbyhim.Iignorethewarm

feelinghiswordsgiveme.“What’sthisabout?Yougotwhatyouwantedfromme.”

“Ineedmore.”

Ipause,bitingmylip.Whatdoesthatmean?Whatdoeshewant?Iswhatever

compelledhimtotakemyunderwearthesameaswhatcompelledhimtotakemeto

dinnertonight?

“Idon’thaveanythingelsetoofferyou,”Isay,stubbornly.

“Idoubtthat,”Snakesays,darkly.Hestraightenshistieandfocuseshisgaze.“Before

wegetstarted,letmemakesomethingcrystalclear.”Heleansforward,loweringhis

voice.“Ifyouevertrytopullastuntlikethatagain,you’redead.Andifourplandoesn’t

work,we’rebothdead.”

Disappointmentthudsinmystomach.Thisisaboutbusiness.WhatdidIthinkthis

was,adate?

“There’sbeensomechangestotheplan,”Snakesays,foldinghishandsonthetable.

“It’sgoingtobealotmoreinvolvedthanIoriginallythought.Weneedthechargesto

comefromyourcompany’swebsiteeachtimethecustomermakesapurchase.”

Myjawdrops.Hecan’tbeserious.Ishakemyhead.

“I’dhavetogetthewebsitedevelopertodothat,”Isay.

Snakesweepshisarmsout,likeit’snobigdeal.“Thenlet’sgethim.”

Ithinkofscared,tremblingTobycompromisinghismoralsonceagain,andcan’thelp

butlaugh.

“Let’sgethim,”Isay.“Justlikethat.Let’sgetanordinary,law-abidingcitizentohelp

uscommitmajorcreditcardfraud.”

“Keepitdown,”Snakewarns.“Anddon’tworryaboutthat.Ihavewaysofconvincing

peopletohelpme.”

Myeyesdrifttothegunathisside.“Idon’tdoubtthat.”

Snakedrumshisfingertipsagainstthetable,staringmedown.“Youdon’thavetobe

likethat,allcoldandsharpedges.I’mwillingtoletthepastliveinthepast.Wecanmove

forward,startfresh,aslongasitdoesn’thappenagain.”

“Bestfriends,”Isay,lightly,twirlingmyhair.“Let’sgobuyatandembicycleandride

downVeniceBeachtogether.”

Snaketurnshisheadtooneside,eyeingme.“Whowasit?”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“YouknowexactlywhatI’mtalkingabout.Itmusthavebeensomeoneclosetoyou.

Wasityourboyfriend?”

Angercreepsupthebackofmyneck.“Hewasinnocent,”Isaythroughmyteeth.

Snakelooksupattheceiling,incredulously.“Idoubtthat.Listen,youcanlearnfrom

hismistakes.Myguessis,hegotinbedwiththeMariano’s,andatsomepointtriedto

screwthemover.Don’tletthesamethinghappentoyou.Don’tenduplikehim.”

We’reinterruptedbyRick,whodeliversoursandwiches,andtwobottlesoflemon-

flavoredsoda.Istareatthesandwich,piledhighwithdifferentItalianmeats,refusingto

eat,butIcan’tkeepitupfortoolong.Ihaven’thadapropermealinages,andinall

honesty,thislooksdelicious.ThebreadiswarminmyhandswhenIpickitup.It’s

slightlytoasted,andholdsupwelltotheheartyfillingsandsauce.

“Right?”Snakesays.“Bestsandwichesintown.”

Ineitherconfirmnordenythis.Weeatsilentlyforafewminutes.Finally,Snakeputs

downhissandwich,andlooksatmewithsombereyes.

“You’renottrapped,Jess,notforever,”Snakesays.“Iwantyoutoknowthat.Oncewe

startmakingmoney,youcantakeyoursplitandgetoutofhere,startanewlife.Maybe

youcangetyourselfsometherapy,youknow,todealwithyourgrief.”

Istopeating,andlookdownatthetable.IdetectedcompassioninSnake’svoice,andI

don’tknowquitehowtoreacttoit.He’salsoensuringthatImakeitoutothiswholemess

unscathed,thatis,ifIdecidenottotrytokillMontyagain.

“Butfornow,Idon’thaveachoice.”Ieyehimchallengingly.“Right?”

Snake’slipsspreadbackintothatcockysmile.“Right.”

Wefinishup.Snakepaysthebill,andheescortsmebacktothecar.

“Wheretonow,pal?”Iask,sarcastically.

“Backtoyourplace.”

“Whataboutmycar?It’sattheoffice.”

“Don’tworryaboutthat.”

IexpectSnaketodropmeoffwhenwearriveatmyapartmentbuilding,buthepops

thetrunkbeforegettingoutofthecar.Iwatchinhorrorasheliftsaduffelbagoutofthe

trunkandslingsinacrosshisshoulders.

“Ineedtokeepaclosereyeonyou,”Snakeexplains.“Youmakemenervous,

sweetheart.”

Myfirstinstinctistofighthimonthis,butIdecideagainstit.Inallhonesty,Ifeel

betterhavingSnakecloseby.Sure,hecanprotectmefromthebig,badboogeymanthat

mostlikelyonlyexistsinmyhead,butalso,havingsomeoneelseintheapartmentmight

beawelcomechange.WhenIlookathim,Ifeelangry,andthat’sahellofalotbetterthan

grief.

Imakeasourface,thenturnaroundonmyheels,marchinguptomyapartment.When

wegetinside,Snaketosseshisbagonthecouchlikeheownstheplace.Hepointsatme,

thenpointsatachair.

“Sit,”hesays.

“Youthinkyoucantellmewhattodoinmyownhome?”Iask,defiantly.

“ForaslongasI’maround,I’mgoingtotellyouwhattodo,sweetheart.Andyou’llbe

smarttolisten.”

I’mgrowingexhaustedfromarguing.Isitinthechair,takeoffmyhighheels,andrub

mysorefeet.Snakedisappearsdownthehall.Ihearhimopeningdrawersandlooking

throughmycloset.He’ssearchingtheplace.

“Trynottocauseanymoredamage,”Iyell.

Snakedoesn’trespond.Heemergesfromthehallway,carryingthebaseballbatIkeep

inmycloset,thengoesintothekitchen.Hecollectsallofmyknives,andanythingelse

withasharpedge,andstuffsthemintohisduffelbag.

“Nowyou,”hesays,pointingatme.“Standup.Armsout.”

Isighwithfrustration,buteventually,Idowhathesays.“Youalreadytookmygun,”I

say.“WhichIwantback.”

Snakesmirks.“You’renotgettingthatbackanytimesoon.”

Iholdmyarmsstraightoutfrommybody.Snakeglancesoverme.Icanfeelhiseyes

onmyskin,tracingovereverycurve.Ihavetofighttokeepmyarmsfromshaking.Once

he’slookedmeover,hestepsclosertome.Icansmellhisaftershave,adeep,masculine

scent,andIcanfeeltheheatradiatingoffofhisbody.Hestartsatmywrist,carefully

feelingupmyarmwithhisprobingfingers.Heslideshispalmsovermyshoulders,then

downthesidesofmywaist.Awetwarmthrushesthroughmylowerbodyashishands

trailovermybelly,andstarttomaketheirwayup.

“Watchit,”Iwarn.

“I’llbepurelyprofessional.Promise,”Snakesays.Buthisvoiceisdarkandthick.I

knowhe’sfullofshit.

Hishandstravelslowlyupward,moreslowly,Ifigure,thanispurelyprofessional.He

liftsoneofmybreastsupwiththebackofhishand,thenfeelsunderneath.Hedoesthe

sametotheotherbreast.Whenhe’sdonewiththis,heslipshisfingertipsdownmy

neckline,sweepingacrossthetopofmycleavage.Despitemyself,mynipplesgrowtight

andhard.ThebraI’mwearingisthin,andthisisclearlyvisiblethroughmysilkblouse.I

glanceatSnake,embarrassedbymybody’sresponse.He’slookingdirectlyatmewith

thosedarkeyesofhis.Bythegrowingbulgeinhispants,Icantellhisbodyisresponding

aswell.Hestillwantsme.Inaway,itmakesmefeelpowerful.

Snakecrouchesdown,andstartsrunninghishandsuponeofmylegs.Irememberthe

nightwemet,andourbrieftimeinthealley.I’mremindedofhissexualprowess,andhis

strong,dominantenergy,thewayhisdeterminedhandsgropedmyentirebody,seeking

onlytobringmepleasure.

Ashishandstraveluptomythigh,Ifeelasurgeofwetnessinmyunderwear.I

consider,perhaps,notresistingthistime.Andnotbecauseitfeelssogood,butIknowI

canregainhistrustthisway,andmyplanwon’tbedead.

Snakeglancesupatmeashetracesthehemofmypanties.Heseemstobetestingmy

boundaries,toseehowfarhecango.Hecaressesovermyass,thendowntomyinner

thighs.

Thisfuckingasshole,hestillwantstofuckme,Ithink.ThehatredIfeelforhimishot,

yetenergizing.Itsendsmorebloodpumpingbetweenmylegs.Youfuckingprick.You

ruinedeverything.

Iadjustmyfeet,onlyslightly.ThatsmallmovementslidesSnake’sfingertipsovermy

panties,directlyovermyswollenandsensitivelips.Hegulps,andlooksupatme

carefully.HemustfeelhowwetIam.Withhiseyesonmyface,hewordlesslystrokesup

myslit.It’slikehisfingersareelectrified.Everytouchsetsoffathousandexplosionsin

mystomach,rattlingeverynerve.Hepausesovermyclit,andwithadarksmile,he

pressesintoit.Igasp,mykneesbuckling.Ireachbehindmetograbthechair.

Snake’ssmiledeepens.Hepressesagainstmyclitharder,makingasmallcircular

motion.Iclosemyeyes,craningmyheadback,whilethewarm,oozingpleasure

overtakesmybody.WhyamIlettinghimdothisagain?ThemotivesI’veconjuredupfor

myselfbarelymakesensenow.Butitdoesn’tmatter.Idon’tcare.Whenwasthelasttime

Iindulgedmyself?

Snakereachesupmyskirt,grabsmypanties,andstartsworkingthemdownmylegs.

Whenthey’reoff,hepressesagainstmylowerbelly,pushingmebackintothechair.My

skirtridesuptomyhipswhenIfallback.Hepushesmylegsapart,thenlayshimselfon

topofme.Hegrabsthenecklineofmyblouse,pullingitdown.Mybreastsspillout.He

immediatelyravagesthemwithkisses,takingmynipplesbetweenhislipsandsuckling.

Hishandisbackbetweenmylegs.Thefeelingofhisfingersagainstmyrawfleshiseven

moreintense.Hetakestwofingersandslipstheminsideme.

“You’resoaked,”hegrowls,withaself-congratulatingsmile.

OhGod,Ifuckinghatehim.Ihateeveryarrogantcellinhisbody.Hethinkshehas

poweroverme?Hepumpshisfingersinsideofme,andmyangerdissolvesasIfeel

myselfabouttocome.Snaketwistsoneofmynipples,andthatsetsmeoff.Ithrowmy

headback,mybackarching,asImoanwithabandon.

Whentheorgasmsubsides,IopenmyeyestoseeSnakestaringintomyface.Hetakes

hisfingersoutofme,thenlicksthem,beforestandingtohisfullheight.Heputsonehand

onthetopofmyhead,whiletheotherloosenshisbelt.Hiscockspringsout,thick,andso

longthere’saslightcurveattheend,givingitaserpentinequalityindeed.Hepushes

towardsmymouth,tiltingmyheadback.

“AslongasI’mhere,you’lldoasIsay,”hesays.Hedrawsthewordsout,makinga

slighthissingnoiseonthessounds.

Ilickmylipsandopenmymouth.We’llseewhohasthepowerhere,Ithink,ashis

cockslipsovermytongue.Imakeatightsealaroundhisshaftwithmylips,thensuckhim

upanddown.

“Fuuuck,”hegroans,tighteninghisfingersinmyhair.

Isuckhimslowly,wetly,teasinghim.Hiscockseemstogrowevenharderinmy

mouth.AndIhavetoadmit,I’mgrowingwettertoo.Myclitthrobs,beggingtobe

touched.Ipullmyheadback,lettinghiscockslideoutofmymouth,andlookupathim.

“Fuckme,”Idemand.

There’sasparkinSnake’seyes,andadeterminationonhisfacethatfrightensmea

little.Helooksdownatmeashepatientlytakesoffhisjacketandshirt.Historsoisdeeply

muscled,hardandtoned,andhischestandarmscoveredintattoos.Thesnakeonhisinner

armdancesashedigsacondomoutofhispocket,thenremoveshispants.He’sprepared.

Hashebeenplanningthis?

Grabbingmebythewaist,heliftsmeeasilyfromthechair,andthrowsmeoverhis

shoulder,smackingmyass,hard,intheprocess.Inmybedroom,hethrowsmedownon

themattress,thenripsoffmyclotheslikeasavagebeast.Hegrabsmywristsandpins

themdownashehoversoverme.

“Youlikeplayingwithfire,don’tyou?”heasks,bendingtokissthetopsofmy

breasts.“That’ssomethingwehaveincommon.”

Ibrieflyconsiderthatmaybehe’sright.MaybeI’vetradedanalcoholaddictionforan

adrenalineaddiction.Butthosethoughtsleavemymindassoonastheyappear.AllIcan

thinkaboutishisrockhardcockramminginsideofme.Igrabathiswaistdesperately.He

sitsuponhisknees,rippingthecondomopenwithhisteeth,thenexpertlyslidesitover

hisshaft.

Snakelowershimselfoverme.Ifeelhimproddingatmywetness,spreadingmeopen.

Heplantshishandsonmyshoulders,andwithonesharpthrust,he’sfullyinsideofme.I

clutchathisback,mybreathshallow.Thatbendinhispenishitsrightwhereitcounts.

IexpectSnaketotakemehardandwithoutmercy,tosinkbetweenmylegsandpound

meintooblivion.That’swhatIwant,asavagefuckfromasavageman.Instead,he’sslow

andgentle.Helooksdirectlyintomyeyeswhilesweepingmyhairbackfrommyface.I

getcaughtupinhisgaze,andtheslow,mountingpleasure.Aswelookateachother,

anotherwarmthdevelopsinmycells,independentofwhathiscockisdoing.Hekissesthe

sideofmyface,thenwhispersintomyear,“You’rebeautiful.”

ThisisnotatallwhatIexpected.Snakeisbeingkind,loving,even.Heenvelopsme

withhislong,stronglimbs,holdingmetightlybeneathhim.Iclosemyeyesandbreathein

hissmell,asmellthat’sgrowingfamiliartome.Iwrapmyarmsaroundhisneckwhilehe

kissesmeonthelips.Igrowsoftbeneathhim.Theenergythat’sbeenpentupbesidemeis

finallystartingtorelease.Hepullsback,thenpresseshisforeheadagainstmineashe

continuestofuckmeslowly.

No,thisisallwrong.It’stimetoadmitthatI’mcatchingfeelingsforhim.Icanfeelit

spreadingthroughmybodylikeavirus.Ican’tgivein.

“Stop,”Isay,abruptly.

Snakeblinksatme.“Issomethingwrong?”

Igritmyteeth.“Harder.Faster.”

Snakegrinsdeeply.“Yourwishismycommand.”

Inaninstant,hegrabsmywaist,andflipsmeoveronmystomach,givingmyassa

heartysmack.Hehookshisarmbeneathme,liftingmyassup.Grabbingmyhair,he

plungesbackinsideofme,thenfucksmefiercely.Thebedrattlesbeneathmeasheuses

hisdickasajackhammer.

Itworks.AllgooeyfeelingsdisappearasIclimaxoverandoveragain.Snakeholds

myheaddownagainstthebed,fuckingmerelentlessly.Imoanintothebedsheetsas

anotherorgasmracksmybody.Hecollapsesforward,groaninginmyearashegivesme

onelastthrust.

Then,thesnakeslithersoutofme,emptiedandsatisfied.Myentirebodyisweak.AllI

candoisliethere.WhenSnakecomesbackfromthebathroom,IpretendI’masleep,and

eventually,Iam.

ChapterFifteen

Snake

IspendthenightcurlednakedaroundJess,listeningtoherrhythmicbreathing.Inthe

morning,Iwakeuptoherbreasts,bathedinmorninglight.Itakeaminutetowatchher

sleep.She’sonherback,theblanketsbunchedaroundherwaist.Onearmisextendedover

herhead.Herlipsareslightlypursed.IknowthatforallofJess’grandstanding,sheisn’t

meanttobehustlingforthemob.Shedidn’tgrowuplikeme,steepedinviolence,where

self-preservationisanecessity,andempathyanenemy.No,she’shigherclass.She

probablyhadabedroomalltoherselfinahugehouseonthebeach.Shegrewupknowing

she’dgotocollege,getagreatjob,andmarryaguyjustaswealthyasherfather.

Iknowhertypealltowell,buttheothersarenothinglikeJess.Thischickdoesn’tgive

afuck.AndeventhoughsheturnedonMonty,that’swhatIlikeabouther.No,Idon’tjust

likeher;I’mraginghardforher.I’vealreadypicturedherwalkingtowardsmeina

weddinggownatleasthalfadozentimesalready.Ilookathercalmface,smiling.

Whethershelikesitornot,Iclaimedherlastnight.She’smine.

IftheothersoldiersonMonty’screwknewanythingaboutthis,they’dthinkI’m

fuckingcrazy.MaybeIam.ButallIhavetodoiskeepJessinline,andthey’llnever

knowanything.Whenwestartgettingrichoffofourscheme,Iknowshewon’tsplit.

She’llgetatasteofthislife,andknowingher,she’llgetoffonitjustlikeme.Andafter

fewmorerompsinthesack,she’llgetaddictedtomydick,justlikealltheothersdo.I

swear,mycockisagiftfromthegods.It’stheperfectfitforawoman’sbody,withcurves

inalltherightplaces.Jesswillneverbeabletogoback.

Sheshiftsinhersleep,makinghertitsbouncealittle.Igrowhardwiththeurgeto

tasteher.Ibenddown,grazingmylipsoverthebrownbirthmarkonherside.Shegasps

lightlyasIkissuptheinclineofherbreasts.Ilickhernipple,makingitharden.Shegasps

again,louderthistime.

Isqueezeupclosertoher,pressingmycockagainstherthigh.Fuck,I’mhard.Ican

practicallyfeeltheskinstretchingovermyshaft.Ithrobwiththeneedtoplungeinsideof

her,tofeelherwet,warm,softwallshuggingallaroundme.

“Snake,”Ihearhersay.Shesoundsdifferentinthemorning.Hervoiceissoft,alittle

croaky.Andshedoesn’tsaymynamelikeshe’sspittingoutapieceofbadfish.

“Hey,baby,”Isay,liftingmyheadfromherchest.Istrokeherface.Hereyesopen

wider,andsheflincheswithsurprise.Irollontopofher,lettingthetipofmycocktrailup

herinnerthigh.“Iwasjustabouttowakeyouup,”Iwhisperinherear.Iburymyfacein

hernecktotasteherskin.

“Snake.”

There’saslighttremblinginhervoice.Ibreatheagainstherear,andwatchas

goosebumpsriseonherflesh.

“Lastnight-“shegasps.

Ismileagainstherneck.“Lastnight,”Irepeat,guidingmyrodclosertowhereitneeds

tobe.“Youhaveagoodtime?”

“Yes-I-Imean-“Shesitsupabruptly,pushingmeofftotheside,andhugsthecovers

uptoherneck.Shestaresatme,hereyeswideandsoft.Shelooksscared,asideofher

I’veneverseenbefore.Shecloseshereyes,shakingherhead,andthere’sherusual

expressionagain,tightandbitchy.“Thatcan’thappenagain,”shesays,inalmostahiss.

I’vegottosay,Ilosemostofmyhard-onatthis.“Okay,”Isay,dully.

Jessbitesherbottomlip.“Imean,Idon’tknowwhatwewerethinking.Butthatwasa

bad,badidea.”

“Yeah,sure.”Irubthesleepawayfrommyface.

“Imean,we’rebusinesspartners.Us,youknow,together,itisn’tgoodforbusiness.”

“Right.”Actually,Iwasthinkingjusttheopposite.Igetoutofbed,andstartgetting

dressed,ignoringhercompletely.JustwhenI’mwarminguptoher,shehastogoandpiss

meoffagain.“Don’tworry,Jess.I’maoneanddonekindofguy.Youknow,I’mnotin

themarketforanythingserious.”

Jessblinks,pullingherkneesintoherchest.“Oh.Okay.Then,Iguesswe’reonthe

samepage.”

Iputonmyshirtandtie,andstarttofeelabitlikemyoldselfagain.Ievenflashher

mybroadsmile,theoneIknowpissesheroff.

“Don’tthinkIdon’tappreciateyou,sweetheart.Thatwasfun.Now,getyourself

ready.We’remeetingMontythismorning.Andwearsomethingrevealing.That’swhathe

likes.”

*

Jesscomesoutwearingalightblueturtleneckandblackslacks.She’scoveredup,

whichisadirectslapinthefacetome.Idon’tsayanythingaboutit.Idon’twantto

indulgeherlittlestunt.AndifI’mbeinghonest,IwasbeinganassholewhenItoldherto

wearsomethingrevealing,butthatwasthepoint.

Beforewalkingoutofthedoor,Istopher,andgiveherfast,professionalpatdownto

makesureshe’snotarmed.

Inthecar,Ifindaradiostationpumpingrapmusic,andcrankitup.So,Jessdidn’tfall

underthespellofmymightycock.That’safirstforme.Ormaybeshedid,butshe’snot

readytogiveupherstuckupbitchroutinejustyet.MaybeIcaneventuallychangeher

mind.Ormaybeshe’lljustalwaysbeabitch.

IstickclosetoJesswhenwegettoheadquarters.Ilookaroundtheconcreteslabs

warily,unexpectedlynervousaboutbringingherhere.SalandAnthonysitinthecorner,

discussingsomethingseriously.Inodtothem.Theynodback.ThelookinAnthony’seyes

don’tsitwellwithme.Oninstinct,IgrabJess’arm,leadinghertoMonty’soffice.The

othersoldiersaren’tallIhavetoworryabout.It’sentirelypossiblethatJesscouldtry

somethingstupid.Bythetimewegettothebackofthewarehouse,I’msweatingfucking

bullets.

Montytotallyignoresme,focusingonlyonJess,whenweenterhisoffice.

“MissHunt,”hesays,takingherhand.“Whatapleasuretoseeyouagain.”

“Mmm-hmm,”Jesssays,forcingasmile.

Igiveheralook.Sheneedstogetbetteratplayingnice.

“So,Jess,”Montysays,sittingbehindhisdesk.“ItakeitSnakehasdiscussedthe

revisedplanwithyou.”

“Hehas,”Jesssays.She’stryingtosmile,butit’snotquiteworking.Shelookslikea

crazyperson.“Ithinkit’sabrilliantidea,tohavethechargescomefromShopSuiteitself.

Youknow,ninety-fivepercentofourcustomersmakethreeormorepurchasesfromour

sitewithinamonth.”

“Idon’tdoubtthat,”Montysays.“I’mbuyingsomethingfromShopSuitealmostevery

night.Ijustorderedanespressomachinefromthere.Whichremindsme,makesuremy

creditcardnumberisn’tonthatlist.”

Jessgripsthesidesofthechair.Iseethewhitesinherknuckles.“Willdo,sir.”She’s

brimmingwithhate.It’swrittenalloverherface.

“So,whodowehavetoroughuptogetaccesstothebackendofthesite?”Monty

asks.

“ThatwouldbeTobyBrown.He’sinchargeofwebsitemaintenanceand

development,”Jesssays.

“Good.”Montyturnstome,thefirsttimehe’slookedatmeallmorning.“Findthis

guyandhavealittlechat.Takethebeastwithyou.Youknowwhattodo.”

“WhatifTobytalks?”Jessblurtsout.

Montylooksatherwithacondescendingsmile.“Oh,honey.Don’tyouworryabout

that.We’vegotitcovered.”

Jessnarrowshereyes.Sheopenshermouth,abouttospitvenom.Iclapmyhands,

cuttingheroff.

“Okay,”Isay,brightly.“Weknowwherewe’regoingfromhere.”IgrabJess’arm,

helpingherup.“Monty,we’llbeintouch.”

IgetheroutofthereasfastasIcan.Inthehallway,Ibreatheasighofrelief.

“Now,thatwasn’tsobad,wasit?”IsaytoJess.

She’sstaringatMonty’sdoor.Whensheturnstome,shehastearsinhereyes.Igrab

herhand,andsheletsme.

“Comeon.Let’sgetoutofhere.”

I’mhopingtoavoidSalvatoreandAnthony,butAnthonycallsmynameassoonashe

seesme.

“Yo,Snake,”hesays.“Canwetalk.Alone?”

ItellJesstowaitformeinthecar.Withherheaddown,shewalksquicklyoutofthe

warehouse.

“Whatisit?”IaskAnthony.

Behindhim,Salvatorecrooksatfingeratme,biddingmetocomeover.Thethreeof

ussitatatable,farawayfromanyonewhocouldhearus.

“There’sbeenadevelopmentinthetequilacase,”Anthonysays.

Irollmyeyes.“Ohyeah?Letmeguess.Abusboydrankit.”

Idon’tlookatSalvatore,butIcanfeelhiscoldeyesonme.Istoplaughing

immediately.Anthonyspeaksinalow,seriousvoice.

“Ihadoneofmyguysattheforensiclabrunsometestsonthebottle.Itcameback

positiveforbromethalin.”

“Whatthehellisthat?”Iask.

“Ratpoison,basically,”Anthonysays.“Myguyfigurestheamountinthetequila

wouldkillafullgrownman.Apparently,itmakesthebrainswell,eyeballspoppingout

andeverything.”

“Holyshit.”IlookatSalvatore.“Doesyouroldmanknow?”

Salvatoreshakeshishead.“IwantanswersbeforeIgotohim.Iwanttotellhimwho

triedtokillhim.”

“Weneedtofindoutthenameofeveryoneattheparty,”Anthonysays.“Imean,

everyone.Guests,waiters,cooks,bartenders.”

“Yeah,youknow,anythingIcandotohelp,”Ioffer.Figuringthatwasn’tenough,I

pointatSal.“We’llgettheassholewhotriedtogetyourfather.”

Salvatorenodscurtly.“Iknowwewill.”

Ican’tgettoJessfastenough.She’sinthecar,rightwhereItoldhertobe.Itrynotto

panic.Theydon’tknowwhopoisonedthetequila,notyetanyway.Ishould’vethrownthat

bottleintheocean.WhydidIleaveitthereforsomeonetofind?

Jess’faceisstillred.Itlookslikeshejuststoppedcrying.

“Areyouokay?”Iaskher.

Jesslooksstraightahead.“Ijustshookthehandofthemanwhokilledmyfiancé.”

Fiancé.ThewordechoesinmyheadasIpullontothehighway.Jesswasengaged.I

knowitshouldn’t,butitmakesmejealous.Whilewedrive,shelooksdown,sniffling

everynowandthen.Igripthesteeringwheeltightly.Witheverycellinmybody,Iwantto

protectthiswoman,fromthecrew,fromMonty,evenfromherpast.

So,wheredoyourloyaltieslie,Snake?Iaskmyself,grittingmyteeth.Withthefamily

yousworeanoathto,orwithawomanwhowantsnothingtodowithyou?

ChapterSixteen

Jess

AmIreallydoingthis?

Witheachstepforward,Iaskmyselfthatquestion.Istepontotheelevator,andstab

thebuttontomyfloorwithanimpatientfinger.Thereareafewofmyco-workersinhere.

Theydon’tspeakinmypresence.Theybarelybreathe.Thisisn’tunusual,butIknowthat

todayImustbegivingoffaratherintenseenergy.Ican’tstopfiddlingwithmyhair,or

takingdeep,frustratedbreaths.Everymuscleinmybodyistense.

We’regoingtobeuptosomemafiashittoday,like,real,organizedcrimestyleshit.I

wonderifwhenIwasababy,mymothergazedintomycribandthoughtoneday,mybaby

girlwillgrowuptokidnapherco-worker,andthreatenhimintohelpinghercommita

crime,thenwentofftosewmorepinkcurtainsforthewindows.

It’ssoabsurd,Ipinchthebridgeofmynoseandlaughagainstmyhands.Myco-

workersmoveclosertothewallsoftheelevator,awayfromme.Thedoordingsopen.I

canalmosthearthecollectivesighofreliefwhenIstepoff.

WouldSnakereallykillmeifIdon’tgothroughwiththis?Wouldhereallyshootme

withthegunhe’salwaystryingtoscaremewith?It’ssohardtoimaginethathewould,

especiallyaftertheothernight.

OhGod,theothernight,whatwasIthinking?Iclosethedoortomyoffice,myskin

flushingredwiththememoriesthathaveinvadedmybrainsinceSnakeinvadedmewith

hisyouknowwhat.Icanstillfeelthetightgripofhishandsonmywaist,thepowerofhis

thrustsbetweenmylegs,andthatrocksolid,slitheringsnakeinsideofme.

Itwasjustified,Itellmymyself,sittingbehindmydesk.Itwasacovertmissionto

regainhistrust.

“Right,”Imurmur,rubbingmytemples.Idon’tallowmythoughtstoturntoJake.I

don’tlettheguiltthat’ssimmeringinmystomachtobubbleuptothetop.IknowI’llhave

toeventuallyfaceit,butIcan’thandlethatrightnow.

So,IfuckedSnake.Inurturedhislittlecrushonme.He’slesslikelytokillmenow.

That’sagoodthing.

Butthewayhelookedatme,thewayhecradledmeinhisarmsallnight,itwasn’tjust

aboutfucking.Ineedtobemorecarefulinthefuture.Ican’tleadhimonfortoolong.

Afterall,I’mstillplanningonkillinghisboss,right?

Ilaymyheadonmydesk.Idon’tknowwhatI’mdoinganymore.Itwasn’tsupposed

togothisfar.Iwasn’tactuallyplanningongoingthroughwithmajorcreditfraud.Butthe

crazythingis,thisschemecouldwork.Wecouldpullinmillionsinoneyear.Excitement

shootsthroughme.I’vealwayslovedagoodplan.Ofcourse,Iwouldbemakingmoney

forthemanwhokilledmyfiancé.ButifIshowI’madiligent,loyalfriendofthemob,

Snake,Monty,andthewholecrewwouldfullytrustme.MaybeIneedtogothroughwith

this,pushitasfarasIcan,thenstrikewhentheyleastexpectit.

AndIdon’thaveachoice.Ispentthepreviousnightawakeinbed,withSnakejust

yardsawaysleepingonthecouch,tryingtothinkofawaytogetoutofthis.Snake

wouldn’tkillme,Iknowthat.ButifIblowthisbusinessdeal,itwillbebothofournecks

ontheline.AndifIran,theywouldfindme.

Justgetthisoverwith.Thenyoucanfigurethingsout.

Ipickupmydeskphoneandpressafewbuttons.

“Goodmorning,Toby,”Isay,inanattempttosoundcheerful.“Whatareyoudoingfor

lunchtoday?”

*

Aminorcomplication.Abumpintheroad.You’llhaveanotherchancetokillMonty.

That’swhatI’mthinkingasIwhiteknucklethesteeringwheel.Tobyisinthe

passengerseatbesideme.Heholdshislaptopbagbetweenhisknees,hisshoulders

hunchedover.Ishouldtalktohim,toputhimatease,butmymindisfuckingracing.I’m

sonervous.Itfeelslikethere’sathousandtinyneedlesallovermyskin,prickingintome

allatonce.Myforeheadisshinywithsweat.Ishouldturnaround,anddriveinthe

oppositedirection.Butwiththetrackingdeviceonmycar,that’snotanoption.Snake

wouldknowthesecondIwentoffcourse.

“Areyouhot?”Iaskhim,crankinguptheair-conditioner.

Tobyflinchesatmymovements.Ifhe’sscarednow,waituntilheseeswhat’scoming.

“IknowthisgreatlittleItaliansandwichshop,”Isay,tryingtoappearnormal.

Tobyclearshisthroatandcroaks,“Soundsgood.”

Itakeashutteringbreath.Getagrip.Youhavetodothis,andyouhavetodothiswell.

That’stheonlywaySnakewilltrustyouagain.That’stheonlywayyoucanavengeJake.

IlookatTobywithagentlesmile.“Youcanrelax.I’mnotgoingtobiteyourhead

off.”

Tobyforcesabriefsmile,thennervouslyrubshisknees.

AttheItaliangrocer,thesameguysarebehindthecounterfromtheotherday,

includingRick.Theyallgreetmewithasmile.Theymustbeexpectingme.

“Theusual?”Rickasksme.

Inod,thenflashhimtwofingers.We’retheonlycustomershererightnow.IleadToby

toatabletuckedinthebackcorner.

“Youmustcomeherealot,”Tobysays.“Theyknowyourorderandeverything.”

“LikeIsaid,thesandwichesarereallygood,”Isay.Iquicklylookaround.Snakeand

Brunoaren’thereyet.

Tobywipeshisforehead,thenleansforward,twiddlinghisthumbs.“Look,Jess,I’m

sorryItoldSteveaboutourlittle…thing.Iwassoscared,Ididn’tknowwhatelsetodo.I

hatebreakingtherules.”

Iwavemyhandathim.“Oh,I’venearlyforgottenaboutthat.It’snobigdeal.Iwasn’t

firedoranything.”Imakesuretolookdirectlyintohiseyes.“Youknowtheywouldnever

fireme,right?MyfatherwasoneofthefirstinvestorsinShopSuiteenterprises.”

“Oh,”Tobysays,blinking.“Ididn’tknowthat.”

“Anyway,”Iclapmyhandstogether.There’sasparklingfeelinggoingupmyspine.

I’mstartingtoenjoythis.“That’snotwhywe’rehere.Iwantedtobuyyourlunch,asa

wayofsayingthankyou.”

“Forwhat?”

Iplayfullynudgehisarm.“Forbeingsuchateamplayer.Thankstothelistyou’ve

compiled,I’vemadeabreakthrough.AndI’mgoingtoneedyourhelponaveryspecial

project.”

Thedoordingsassomeoneelsewalksintotheshop.Idon’thavetolooktoknowwho

itis.IcontinueholdingToby’sgaze.

“Onlythistime,”Icontinue.“You’renotgoingtosayawordtoanyone.Gotthat?”

Tobynodsquickly,thendrawshisgazeuptothetwomennowstandingbehindme.

Bruno,largeandpowerful,istomyleft.Hehasablackhoodpulledlowoverhishead.

Withhishugebuild,helookslikeafacelessmonster.OnmyrightisSnake.Icansmellhis

darkpresence.He’scoolandcalminhistailoredblacksuit,whichgiveshimadangerous

aura.Tobyinstinctivelysitsupstraight.Thatsparklingfeelingisspreadingitsway

throughmyveins.Isthiswhatpowerfeelslike?Ifso,it’sintoxicating,andmore

satisfyingthanliquor.

“What’sgoingon?”Tobyasks,hiseyesdartingleftandright.

“Listentome,Toby,”Isayinanevenvoice.“Andlistencarefully.You’renotgoingto

sayanything,becausetheconsequenceswillbemuchworsethistime.Andit’snotjust

yourselfyoushouldbeworriedabout.IsyourmotherstillatherLaBreaDriveaddress?”

Tobynarrowshiseyesatme,thenblinksupatSnakeandBruno.“Whoareyou?”

Brunoanswersbyrollinguphissleeves,revealingthickwristsandmuscledforearms.

Tobyliterallystartstoshake.Helookstowardsthecounter.

“Hey,”TobyshoutstoRick.“CanIgetsomehelphere?”

Rickbarelygiveshimapassingglance,thengoesbacktoslicingfreshmozzarella.

“He’snotgoingtohelpyou,”Isay,bluntly.“Noonehereis.”

Snakestepsforward,andgrabsToby’sbagfromunderthetable.“Letmegetthatfor

you,”Snakesays.“Comewithus.”Hegesturestowardsthestairwellintheback.

Brunocreepsincloser,toweringoverToby.Thechairscuttlesoutfromunderhimas

Tobyscramblestohisfeet.BrunowalkscloselybehindToby,thatwallofmuscleforcing

himtowardstheback.Istarttofollowthem,butSnakegrabsmyarm.

“Areyousureyoustillwanttobehere?”heasksme.“Youcanleavenow.LetBruno

andIhandleit.”

Iyankmyarmawayfromhim.“You’renotgoingtohandleanythingwithoutme.”I

glareathimtoshowhimI’mserious.I’mdonewithmenwhowanttotakecareof

everythingwhileIsitinthecorner.

It’saquietwalkuptheflightsofstairstoSnake’sapartment.Onceinside,Snake

invitesTobytositatthekitchentable,andoffershimsomethingtodrink.

“No,no,”Tobysaysinstutteringgasps.“I’mfine.”

I’veneverdoneanythinglikethisbefore,soIstandtotheside,observingSnakeand

Bruno.Theybothstand,sandwichingTobyonbothsides,loomingoverhim.Brunois

silent,butterrifying,whileSnakedoesallthetalking.

“Now,Toby,”Snakesays,layingahandonhisshoulder.“Noonehastogethurttoday.

Youcanwalkoutofherewithoutascratchonyou,butonlyifyoucooperate.”

“Whatdoyouwant?”Tobyasks.

Brunopoundshisfistontothetable,nearlybreakingthewoodensurfaceintwo.

“Youdon’ttalk,”Snakesays.“Youlisten.Yourbrilliantboss,thebeautifulJessHunt

overhere,hasstumbleduponalucrativebusinessopportunity,andwesimplywantto

employyourtechnicalservices,forwhichyou’llbegenerouslypaid.”HesqueezesToby’s

shoulderalittleharder.“Soundsgood,right?”

“Thisisaboutthecreditcardnumbers.”Tobygrabshishairbytheroot,pullingit

straightup.“IknewIshouldn’thavedonethat.”

“Isaid,don’ttalk,”Snakesays.Hepauses,wipingabitofdustoffofhissuitjacket,

thensays,“Doyouneedproofthatwemeanbusiness?Bruno,breakhisfinger.”

BrunograbsToby’swrist,thenisolatestheindexfingeronhislefthand,andholdsitin

atightfist.Tobyissweatingandshaking.Helookslikehe’sgoingtomeltintoapuddleof

fear.Ifthere’sanythingI’velearnedfromworkingwithToby’s,it’sthatyoucanonlyscare

himsomuchbeforeeverythingturnstoshit.Theseguysareabouttofuckeverythingup

beforeweevengetstarted.Luckyforthem,I’mhere.

“Bruno,”Isaysoftly.“Wait.”

BrunodropsToby’shand.Tobydoublesover,gaspingforbreath.Itakeaseatatthe

tableacrossfromhim.

“HowmucharetheypayingyouatShopSuite?”Iaskhim.

Tobyblinksupatmewithconfusion.Icantellhe’sbarelyprocessingthequestions.

“What?Idon’t-I’macontractemployee.Igetanhourlywage.”

Ibenddown,meetinghisgaze.“Lookatme,Toby.Calmdown.Breathe.That’sit.So,

whatdoyouget,fifteen,twentybucksanhour?Nobenefits.You’repayingforhealth

insuranceoutofpocket.You’vegotnoretirementfund.Nothing.Andletmeguess,

you’vegotstudentloanstoo.”

Tobyseemstorelaxalittle.Hisshakingsubsides.Ileanclosertohim.

“Whatwe’reofferingyouisasidehustle,averylucrativeone.You’llgetatake.”

“It’sillegal,”Tobyspits,lookingwarilyatthetwomobsters.

Ichortle.“Youwanttotalkaboutlegality?WhataboutallthelawsuitsShopSuite

convenientlysettlesoutofcourt?Theybreakthelaw,andthey’renotheldaccountable.

Theydon’tholdamoralhighgroundhere.”

IreachforToby’sbag,slideouthislaptop,andopenitonthetable.Ibrieflyexplain

thatasurchargeneedstobeaddedtoeachorder,withthemoneyfunneledintoanother

account.FromthelookonToby’sface,Icantellthatthisistotallydoable.AndToby’sa

smartguy.He’sprobablyalreadydoingthemathinhishead,andgettingasenseofthe

amountofmoneywe’retalkingabout.

“You’rejustpressingafewbuttons,”Isayencouragingly.“You’renothurtinganyone.

Thinkaboutit,you’llbeabletopayoffthoseloans,evenbuyyourselfacar.Youwon’t

havetotakethebusanymore.Shouldaneducated,fullyemployedyoungmanbereduced

toridingabus?Itdoesn’tseemfairtome.”

Tobyglancesatthescreententatively.Hisfingerscurl,asifpreparingtotype.He

shakeshishead.

“Idon’twanttobecomplicitinthis,”hesays,hisfinalgaspofresistance.

“Oh,Toby.”Igrabhishand,andstrokethebackofitwithmythumb.“Youalready

are.Nowgettowork,oryou’llhavetodealwithhim.”IpointtoBruno,whostands

behindme,largeandsolidlikeawallofstone.ThecolordrainsfromToby’sface.“So

whatdoyouchoose,anewcar,orgettingbeatentoapulpbythebeasthere?”

Tobytakeslessthanasecondtoweighhisoptions,thenhunchesoverhiskeyboard,

typingaway.

Ididit,Ithink,witharushofeuphoria.Atinglingstartsatmytoes,thentravelsupmy

legs,throughmytorso,tothetopofmyhead.It’salightheaded,drunkenfeeling.Without

thinking,myfeetmoveunderme,propellingmeupfromtheseat.Iquicklyrushto

Snake’sbathroomandopenawindowtogetsomefreshair.Ibreathedeeply,tastingcar

exhaustfromthetrafficbelow.Myheadisspinning.IfeellikeIcouldcollapseatany

time.I’veneverfeltthispowerful,thisstrong.It’slikeanantidotetomyrelationshipwith

Jake.Withhim,Iwashelpless.

Ihearthebathroomdooropen.Suddenly,Snake’sbymyside.

“Areyouokay?”hesays,closetomyear.

Iturntohim,liftingmyhandstoshowhowviolentlythey’reshaking.Snakesmiles,

pressingmyhandbetweenhispalms.

“It’stheadrenaline,”Snakesays.“It’sacrazyfeeling,isn’tit.It’sthebestthinginthe

world,andthescariest,allatthesametime.Ibetyoufeellikeyoucouldjumpoutofthat

windowandflyoverthecity.”

Iglancedownattheheavytraffic.“That’sexactlywhatitfeelslike,”Isay.“What’s

thebestwaytodealwithit?”

Snakeshrugs.“UsuallyIheadtothebar,pickupachickortwo,andfuckitoutofmy

system.”Heflashesmeacocky,dimpledgrin.Itsetssomethingoffinsideofme.

Fuckingitoutofmysystem,thatsoundsgood.

Snake’sexpressionchanges,andIrealizeI’mstaringathim,hard.Isuppressthe

thoughtsracingthroughmyhead,themyriadofvoicestellingmethatthisisaterrible

idea.IflingmyarmsaroundSnake’sneck,thenjumpuponhim,squeezingmylegs

aroundhiswaist.Snakeplantshishandsonmyass,holdingmesteady.Hestaresatmy

faceforafewsecondsbeforebackingmeupagainstawallandkissingmedeeply.

IwanttogothroughwiththisbeforeIchangemymind.Whilehehikesmyshirtupto

mywaistandpushesmypantiestotheside,Iunziphispantsandpulloutthesnake.He’s

alreadyhard,andthrobbinginmyhand.Snakepressesmeharderagainstthewall,then

shoveshiscockinsideofme.Wefuckfrantically.Freshadrenalinecoursesthroughme

again,andisreleasedbyapowerfulorgasmthatmakesmymusclesquake.

Snake’sbreathishotandheavyagainstmyear.Hisfingersdigintomyfleshashe

gripsmyass.Hebitesmyearlobe,groaning.

Inourhaste,we’dneglectedtoeventhinkaboutcondoms.Snakepullsoutofmeatthe

lastsecond,spurtingonmyinnerthighs.Herestshisforeheadonmyshoulder,catching

hisbreath.Foramoment,Ifeelrelieved,Ifeelfree.Butitdoesn’tlastlong.Istareupat

theceiling.Themobsterisstillpinningmetothewall.Icanfeelhisspentcockdangling

betweenmylegs.

Thiswasn’ttheplan.Thiswasn’ttheplanatall.Ican’tlietomyselfanylonger.Iwant

Snake,asmuchashewantsme.

Snakeliftsuphishead,nuzzlinghisnoseagainstmycheek.

“Somuchforoneanddone,huh?”hesayswithalaugh.Hebacksup,puttingthe

Snakeaway,thencheckinghistieinthemirror.

Ilookathim,reallylookathim.Theslopeofhisnose,theanglesofhisbody,the

darknessinhiseyes,thewayhemakesmefeelwhenhe’spressedupagainstme;IknowI

can’tresistanyofit,notanylonger.AslongasI’maroundSnake,I’llwanthim,crave

him.AndI’vealreadyfailedatresistingthoseurges.

WhatwouldJakethinkofme?

ChapterSeventeen

Snake

Whenwewalkoutofthebathroom,TobyistypingfuriouslywhileBrunostandsclose

by.Brunonodsatmewithasmirk.Heknowswhatwewereupto.Jess’hairisalittle

moredisheveledthanbeforewewentintothebathroom,butotherthanthat,shedoesn’t

giveanythingaway.HerheelsclickagainstthefloorassheapproachesToby.Withher

handonherhip,shewatcheshimwork.

“That’sgood,Toby.”Hertoneisassertive,butwithahintofsoftness.“Makesureyou

coveryourtracks.Noonecanfindoutwherethemoneyisbeingsent.Youcandothat,

right?”

Tobynodsnervously,thenquicklygetsbacktotyping.Jessisallbusinessinherheels,

blackskirt,andblouse.Itgivesmeacertainsatisfactiontoknowwhatshe’shiding

underneath,thosedeliciouscurvesandcreamyskin,thewayshegetssoakedinaninstant.

Iwonderifthat’sthewayshe’salwaysbeen,orifit’sjustforme.Fromthewayshe’s

sneakingglancesatme,IcantellthatJessisfinallycomingtotermswithherfeelingsfor

me.Icatchhereyeandgiveherawink.Hercheeksflushred,andshequicklylooksaway.

“Weshouldbegettingback,”Jesssays,checkingherwatch.“That’sagoodstart,

Toby.Youcanworkonitmorethisevening.”

TobylooksatBrunoandIwarilybeforepackinguphislaptopandscramblingtohis

feet.Ihavetothinkfast.Idon’twanttoleaveJessyet,notafterwhatjusthappened.I

don’twantthingstobeawkwardlikethelasttime.Thisismychance.Iwasjustinsideof

her,forChrist’ssake,shemustbeatleastalittlesoftonme.

Thethreeofusheaddownstairs.Whenwepassthecounter,Rickcallsouttous.He

holdsupawhitepaperbag.

“Order’sready,”hesaystoJess.

Jesstakesthebag,andstartstoopenherpurse.Istopher,andthrowatwentyonthe

counter.Jessmumbles“thanks”atherfeet.

“Toby,”Jesssays,makinghimjump.Shedanglesthebagintheair.“Doyouwant

yoursandwich?”

Tobyshakeshisheadwhilescurryingback,nearlyknockingoveradisplayof

marinarasauce.“I’mnothungry,”hestutters.

IstepclosertoJess.Hereyesdartaroundlikeatrappedanimal.Ibenddowntotalk

intoherear.

“Blowoffwork,”Iwhisper.Herspinestraightenswithashiver.“Let’sgosomewhere

peacefulandenjoythosesandwiches.”

“WhataboutToby?”sheasks.“Ineedtotakehimback.”

“IcangetanUber,”Tobysays,eagerly.Hepullshisphoneoutofhispocket,onlyto

dropit,thenpicksitupagain.

“Youmakesurehedoes,”IsaytoBruno.Itosshimmykeys.“Youtakemycar.I’m

goingwithJess.”

Brunogivesasalute,andalopsidedgrin,beforeescortingTobyoutside.InJess’car,I

giveherdirectionstoaquietlittlespotIknow,bythecliffsatthebeach.ShedoeswhatI

sayquietly,noresistance,nofighting,noattitude.Thisisagoodsign.Butshedoesn’t

seementirelythrilled.There’saslowsadnesstohermovements.

It’salittlechillyforabeachday.Thesaltyairwindwhipsaroundus.Jesshugs

herself,shiveringaswemakeourwaytotheshore.Islipmyarmaroundhershoulders.

“Comehere,”Iwhisper,pullinghercloser.

Jesshesitatesforasplitsecond,thensidlesuptome.Iwrapmyarmstighteraround

her.Eventually,hershiveringbeginstosubside.

Thebeachisempty,exceptforafewsurfersfaroutinthewater.Wechooseapatchof

evensandandsitdown.Jessdrawsherkneesagainstherchest,makingherseemsmaller.I

pulloffmyjacketandwrapitaroundhershoulders.Shelooksoutatthewavescrashing

againstthejuttingrocks.

“It’ssostrange,”Jesssays,dreamily.“Theoceanisbeautiful,yetincrediblydangerous

atthesametime.”

“That’swhatIlikeaboutit,”Isay,handingherasandwich.

Weeatquietlyforawhile,watchingthesurfersinthedistance.I’mnotsurewhatI

shoulddohere.Iwanttograbher,pullherintomylap,andletherknowthatshebelongs

tomenow.Idecideonadifferentapproach.

“So,youwereengaged,”Isay.

Jessstopschewing.Herfacescrunchesasshegetsalittlecagey.“Yes.”

Irakemyfingersthroughmyhair.“I’m,uh,sorryforyourloss.”

Shejerksherheadtowardsme.“Don’ttroubleyourselfbybeingsorry.Areyousorry

forallthedeathstheMariano’shavecaused,allthegrievingpeopleleftbehind?”She

wrapsuphersandwichandtossesittotheside.“It’snotlikeitchangesanythinganyway.”

Shesighs,thenburiesherfaceinherhands.

“You’reright.”Imoveclosertoher,puttingacomfortinghandonherback.Herchest

expands,likeshe’sfightingbackasob.Behindherhands,shebeginstospeak.

“Jakewasarealestatedeveloper.Ihadafeelingthathisbusinesswasn’tentirelylegal.

Henevertoldmeanything,andIturnedablindeye.”Sheraisesherheadinfrustration.“I

should’vemadehimtellme,Ishould’vedonesomething.”

“Maybehedidn’twanttoimplicateyou,”Ioffer.

Jessshakesherhead,bitterly.“No.Hedidn’twantmemeddlinginhisbusiness.He

didn’twantmetellinghimnottodosomething.Hedidn’tthinkawomanhadanyplacein

hisaffairs.So,Ididn’t.Andherewardedmebyshoweringmewithgifts.”Shepausesfor

amoment,trailingherfingertipsinthesand.

“Didyoulovehim?”Iask,carefully.

Sheglaresatme,offendedatfirst,thenherfacesoftens.Sheshrugs.“I’mnotexactly

sure.MaybeIjustlovedthelifeheaffordedme.Ithoughtitwasloveatthetime.But

now-”Shestopsherself,curlingherfistswithnewrage.“Butthat’snotthepoint.Jake’s

nottheonlypersonIlost.Afterhisdeath,Iwentintoadeepdepression.I’vealwayshada

tasteforalcohol,butitgotreally,reallybad.IwasdrinkingfromthemomentIgotupin

themorninguntillateatnight.Ibarelyate.Neverleftthehouse.Oneday,Igotsickofit.I

gotinmycar,andsmasheditintoaconcretewall.”

“Jesus,”Isay,undermybreath.“Wasita,um,accident?”

“I’mnotsure,”Jesssays.“Tothisday,I’mnotsure.Remember,Iwasfuckingwasted

atthetime.WhenIwokeupinthehospital,theyinformedmethatIwasfourweeks

pregnant.Ilostthebabyinthewreck.”

Idon’tknowwhattosay,soIjustholdherinmyarms.Withherangryveneerstripped

away,Iseewhatshe’sbeenhiding,realsadness.Irarelythinkabouttheconsequencesof

ourbrutalactions.Rightnow,Ican’tlookaway.

“Everythingtumbledoutofcontrol,”Jesssays,shakingherhead.“Myentirelife,I’ve

beencomfortable.IhadeverythingIcouldeverwant.AndIcouldn’timaginethingsany

otherway.Untilnow.Theonlythingthatbroughtmeoutofdepressionwasthethoughtof

makingMontypayforwhathedid.”

“AndyouthinkthatkillingMontywilldowhat,exactly?”Iask.“You’llmagicallyfeel

better?”Jesstensesundermyarm,butIdon’tpullaway.“Jakewantedthisaction.He

acceptedtherisks,justliketherestofus.Noneofusexpecttoseethesunrisethenext

morning.”Igrabherchin,pullingherfacetowardsme.“Don’tthinkaboutthefuture,or

thepast.Thinkaboutrightnow.”

Jesssearchesmyfaceintently.Ileanintokissher.Atthelastmoment,shejerksher

headaway.

“WhatamIdoinghere?”shesays,backingawayfromme,andgettingtoherfeet.

“WhatamIdoingwithyou?Idon’tknowwhatkindofapersonIam.Thisisallwrong.”

Sheturnsandwalksaway.I’mnotlettingherleavethateasily.Ijumptomyfeetand

runafterher.Igrabherarm,yankinghertowardsme.Shetriestogetaway,butItighten

mygrip.Ipullheragainstmychest,makingherlookatme.

“He’sdead,Jess,”Isayinalowgrowl.“I’msorryabouteverythingyouwentthrough.

Butyou’restillhere.Afuckingconcretewallcouldn’ttakeyouout.”Ipressmyhand

againstherthumpingheart.“You’relivingandbreathing.AndsoamI.”Ipressagainst

her,consumedbymyneedforher.“Iwantyou.Notonce,nottwice,butfortherestofmy

fuckinglife.IcangiveyoueverythingJakedid,andmore.Andwe’dbeinittogether.We

couldruletogether.”

Jessblinksupatme,thensquirms,tryingtogetaway.Iholdfasttoherwaist.

“Stopfighting,”Idemand.“Stopworryingifthisisrightorwrong.Whenitfeelsthis

good,whogivesafuck?”

I’mtiredoftalking.Iclaspherface,andkissherdeeplyonthelips.Jess’tension

beginstomelt.Ifeelit,themomentshegivesin.Herarmsgrowslack,thensheclingsto

mywaistlikeI’mtheonlythingholdingherup.

*

Thatnight,Jessdoesn’tmakemesleeponthecouch.Afterfuckingherforthesecond

timethatday,wefallasleeptogether,inherbed.Sometimeduringthenight,Iwakeupto

takeapiss.IuntanglemyarmsfromaroundJess,andtakeamomenttowatchhersleeping

face.

Inthebathroom,Ihearastrangenoisecomingfromtheairconditionervent.Itsounds

likeit’scloggeduporsomething.ItellmyselfI’llcheckitinthemorning,butIknowit

willjustbothermeallnight.Icrouchbeneaththesink,takeoutthevent,andlooktosee

what’sinthere.

It’sabookofsomekind,athickbook.Ireachinsideandpullitout.It’saphotoalbum.

Iflipthroughthepages.TherearepicturesofJess,butshelooksdifferent.She’ssmiling,

andcarefree.AsIlookfurtherinthebook,Iseeapictureofherwithsomeguy.She’s

holdingupherhand,showinganengagementringonherfinger.

YoumustbeJake,Ithink,studyingtheguy.ThemoreIlookathim,themoreIrealize

Irecognizehim.Andthenithitsme,thatnight,inthedesert,whenIfinallygotmyfirst

kill.That’sthefacethatlookedupatme,deadandgray,whileIsewedthelipstogether.

Isnapthebookclosedandshoveitbackintothevent.“Fuck,”Iwhispertomyself,

pacingaroundthebathroom.Montygavetheorder,butIwastheonewhopulledthe

trigger.Well,hermanwasafuckingrat.He’stheonewhotalkedtothatreporter,andblew

upourentireconstructionracket.ThoughIdoubtthatwouldmattermuchtoJess.

Icreepbackintothebedroom,andquietlygetbackintobed.Jessturnsoverinher

sleep,slippingherarmaroundmywaist.Ihadeverythingundercontroluntilnow.What

wouldJessdoifsheknewIwastheonewhokilledJake?Idon’tthinkshecouldever

forgiveme.

Iturnonmyside,wrappinghertightlyinmyarms.That’swhyshecanneverknow.

I’llmakeherforgetallabouthim.I’llmakehermoremoneythenshe’lleverknowwhatto

dowith.I’llfuckhersenselesseverychanceIget,andoneday,I’llgetherpregnant.

Ijustneedtokeepmysecretsstraight.

ChapterEighteen

Jess

IneverfeltthiswaywithJake,thisintenserushofwarmththatinvadesmycore

wheneverSnakeisaround.Ifoughtitforsolong,thatwhenSnakefinallyunleashediton

thebeach,Ithoughtitwouldswallowmewhole.

It’searlymorning.I’monthecouchwiththelaptop,checkingToby’swork.Snake

emergesfromthebedroom,hisusuallyperfectdarkhairtousledwithsleep,wearing

nothingbutapairofdesignerboxershorts.Hestretcheshisarmsabovehishead.The

snaketattooedonhisinnerarmtantalizesmyeyes.Hesmilesatmewithasleepygaze,

thensauntersovertowhereIsit.Hisarmsarewarmashewrapsthemaroundme.He

kissesmyneck,andthenmylips,withalowgrowlrumblinginhisthroat.Anerotic

euphoriafloodsmylowerhalf.Snakelooksatme,bitinghislowerlip,thenturnshisgaze

tothecomputer.

“How’sitlook?”Snakeasks.

“Good,”Isay,chokingbackthequiverinmyvoice.“Toby’sgoteverythingsetup.

Thefrontandbackendlooksgreat.He’scoveredhistracksnicely.”

Snakegrabsmyknee,thentrailshishandupmythigh.“Nowwejustwaitforthecash

torollin.”

Ismirkathim,closingthelaptop.“Someexcitinglifestyleyoulead.Imightaswellbe

inmyoffice.”

Snakeshrugs.“Ididn’tneedsomefancydegreetogethere.”

Snakegoestothekitchentogetcoffee.Isnatchamagazinefromthecoffeetable,and

flipthroughit.Thisissueisseveralmonthsold.I’veprobablyflippedthroughitdozensof

times.Ibarelyreadthewords.

IhearSnakeinthekitchen,butIcanalsofeelhispresence.It’sathick,dark,visceral

energythatradiatesfromhispowerfulbody.Thisissomuchdifferentthanitwaswith

Jake.Mylatefiancéwasalwaysbusy,itseemed.Heleftforworkveryearlyinthe

morning,andcamehomelateatnight.Ididn’tmind.Ididn’tneedtobearoundJakeall

thetime.Andwhenhewasn’taround,Ibarelythoughtabouthim.

Snakeissodifferent.SinceImethim,he’sgottenundermyskin.EvenwhenI’mnot

withhim,Ifeelhim.AndjusttheslightestlookfromSnakeisenoughtomakemeshiver.I

knewitwastherefromthemomentImethim.IthoughtIcouldpushitdown,fightitoff.

ButSnakewouldn’tletme.

Andthesex,it’sonanotherlevel.JakeandIhadaregularsexlife.Hewasahandsome

manwithanicebodyandwholesomegoodlooks,soIwasattractedtohim.Butsexwith

himwaslikeaduty,anotheritemontheto-dolist.Whenwefinished,Ineverfeltsomuch

satisfiedasIdidaccomplished.

WithSnake,it’snotanobligation,it’spurecompulsion.Myattractiontohimis

magnetic.Andwhenwepressourbodiestogether,it’slikeourfleshmergestogetherin

hot,throbbingmass.Hiseverytouchthreatenstoshatterme.Everyorgasmwithhimisa

revelation.

IneverquestionedmyloveforJake,untilnow.TothepersonIwasbackthen,itdidn’t

matterifwedidn’thaveanall-consumingconnection.Jakesimplytickedallofmyboxes;

handsome,educated,andgainfullyemployed.ThatwasallIneededatthetime.ButI’m

notthatpersonanymore.

Itossthemagazinebackonthecoffeetable,andwalkintothekitchen.Snake’sbackis

tomeasheexaminesthecontentsofthefridge.Myeyestrailoverthepeaksandvalleys

ofhismusculararms,hisfirmassasitslopesintothick,rippledthighs.

Ileanagainstthecountercasually.“Soifallwehavetodoiswait,Iimagineyou’llbe

movingoutsoon.”

Snakechucklesintothefridge,thenturnstomewithaside-eyedgaze.“Nope.”

Awarmthbloomsinmychest.Iwanttoaskifhe’sstayingwithmebecausehe’sstill

watchingme,orbecausehewantsto.Theglintinhiseyestellsmeit’sthelatter.

“Thenwhatdoyouwantforbreakfast?”Iask.

Snakestandsupstraight,closingtherefrigeratordoor.“Whathaveyougot?”

Iopenthecabinets,andseelittlemorethananancientboxofmicrowavepopcorn.

“Nothing,”Ireport.

Wegotoarestaurantdowntheblockthat’sdresseduplikeakitschydinerandserves

thingslikeavocadotoastandkaleomeletsintrueLAfashion.IdecideIcouldusemore

greenvegetablesinmylife,soIorderboth.

Wechatwhilewewaitforourfood.Snakeisalwaystouchingmeinonewayor

another.Eitherhe’sholdingmyhand,caressingmyarm,orrubbinghisfootagainstmy

leg.Iknowwhathe’sdoing.He’sdisplayinghisownershipoverme,bothtotheother

diners,andtomyself.Thisshouldoffendme,butitgivesmeawarm,safefeeling.

Icutintotheavocadotoastandtakeabite.Foravegetable,itcertainlyiscreamyand

satisfying.Iknowthemaninfrontofmeonanintimatelevel,butthere’sstillsomuch

moreIdon’tknow.Idecidetochangethat.

“So,”Istart,glancingdownatmyomelette.“Igaveyoumysobstory.Nowyouowe

meyours.”

Snakestabsthestackofpancakeswithhisfork,leaningclosertome.“It’slikethat,

huh?Quidproquo?”

“I’dliketoknowmoreaboutthemansharingmybed,”Isay.

Hiseyesdarttotheside.Icantellhe’snotentirelycomfortabletalkingaboutthis.

Well,toughshit.Itoldhimaboutmydeadfiancé,andheknowsallaboutmyfailed

attempttoavengehisdeath.IstareSnakedownuntilhestartstalking.

“Igrewupintheboys’home,”hesays.“Iwasyourcliched,dirtyfuckingstreet

urchin.Runningaround,gettingintotrouble,fights,pettytheft.Nevercouldfindany

fosterparentswillingtotakemeon.”

Snakelaughsatthis,butIimaginehimasalost,feralchildwithangerboilingwithin

him.Hewasprobablymadattheworld,andhadnoideawhy.Ireachacrossthetableand

grabhishand.Forthefirsttimeinalongtime,I’mnottoowrappedupinmyownmisery

tofeelsympathyforanotherperson.

“Yourparents?”Iask.

Snake’sfacegoesashadedarker.Hebrushesitoffwithanonchalantattitude.“Idon’t

remembermuchaboutthem,tobehonest.TheydiedwhenIwasthreeyearsold.”He

fiddleswithafork,readingthequestionthat’sallovermyface.Hedropstheforkwitha

solemnlook.“Murder-suicide.Mydadshotmymom,thenshothimself.”

“OhGod.”IsqueezeSnake’shand.

Snakeshakeshishead.“Theyleftme.Sofuckthem.FromwhatIunderstand,they

werejunkies,andbarelytookcareofmewhiletheywerealive.Idon’tknowwhymydad

didit.Iheardalldifferentstories,thatmymomwascheatingonhim,orthatshewas

tryingtorobhim.Maybehewasjustoutofhismindwiththedrugs.Theydidmeafavor,

actually.TheygotoutofmywaysoIcouldmeetmyrealfamily.”

“TheMariano’s,”Isay,mythroatdry.Istruckagainsthisfamily.Themagnitudeof

whatIdidtohimhitsmeallatonce.

“That’sright.Salvatorefoundmeonthestreet.Hesawmypotential,andtookmein.I

haven’tturnedbacksince.”

Untilnow.Snakegivesmealong,darklook,andIcantellhe’sthinkingthesame

thing.He’scurrentlyhavingbreakfastwiththeenemy.Thissharedthoughtplantsakernel

offearinmymind.

Wefinishbreakfast.Snakepaysthecheck,becauseheneverletsmepay.Whenwe

walkouttotheparkinglot,heasksmeforthecarkeys.Idon’tthinkmuchofitatfirst,so

Ilethimdrive.ButwhenIgetintothepassengerseat,dreadsettlesheavilyinmy

stomach.TheMariano’sarehisfamily,andItriedtokilloneofthem.Snake’s

heartbreakingstoryshowedmejusthowmuchhecaredforthem,howmuchhethinkshe

owesthem.HowcouldIexpectSnaketoforgivemeforthat,ortoevertrustmeagain?

Mypalmsstarttosweatasparanoiasweepsthroughme,tinglingeverynerve.

Snakedoesn’ttakethenormalroutetomyapartment.Istayquiet,tryingtowork

everythingoutinmyhead.Hehaswhathewantsnow.Toby’ssystemisinplace.Likehe

said,allhehastodoiswaitforthecashtorollin.Hedoesn’tneedmeanymore.

“Justaquickdetour,”Snakesays,flashingmeasmile.

Don’tforgetthatyou’reridingwithamurderer,Ithink.

Snakeisamanofabsolutes.HisloyaltiesliewiththeMariano’s.Notwithme.Butthat

meanseverythingwasalie,everytouch,everykiss.Maybehewasjusthavingfunwith

mebeforehekilledme,ormaybehefuckedmejusttoshowthathecould.

Wecometoasmallshoppingcenterthat’sfarflungfromthecongestedcity.Mymind

raceswithpossibilitiesasSnakestopsthecar.Ishegoingtoforcemetogetout?Makeme

getonmykneesandbegformylife?

Snakesmilesatme,cuttingtheengine.“Youwaithere.”

Iwatchhimwaltzintooneofthestores.It’sasquatbuildinginapueblomotif,with

neutral,stuccoedwalls.Maybethiswasplanned,andthereareotherMariano’swaitingfor

himinside.Maybehe’sfooledmethisentiretime,andhasn’tkeptmysecret.Maybe

everyoneknows,andtheywerejustwaitingforeverythingtofallintoplacebeforekilling

me.

Thewindwhipsupdrydust,swirlingupadirtdevilthatlivesabrief,jumpylife.What

shouldIdo?Run?Hide?Ican’tthinkofagoodenoughexcusetosavemyself.Withmy

questforrevengeputonholdindefinitely,andwithoutSnake,Ican’tthinkofanythingto

livefor.MaybeIshouldjustsittight,andacceptthefatethatIalwaysknewwascoming.

I’mlookingdownwhenIsenseSnakewalkoutofthestore,andapproachthecar.I

wanttofeelthebullet,sharpandquick,beforemyheartcanfullyprocessthatit’s

breaking.Heopensthecardoor,andIseeaflashofcolorinthecornerofmyeye,forcing

metolook.WhenIseewhathe’scarrying,Ialmostwanttobreakintotears.It’sabouquet

ofdaisiesinpink,white,andyellow.Hegivesmeacockygrinashehandsmethe

flowers.

“Somethingtobrightenupyourapartment,”Snakesays.“It’ssodrab.”

Itakethebouquetfromhimandbreatheinthesweetscent.He’swatchingmeeagerly,

wantingtoknowifhe’spleasedme.He’snotgoingtokillme.Thatmeansthathedoesn’t

holdmyassassinationattemptagainstme.He’sholdingmebeforehisfamily.Doesthat

meanthathe-

“Whatisit?”Snakeasks,slippinghisarmaroundmyshoulder.“Ididn’tmeantomake

youcry.”

“It’s,um,allergies,”Isay,wipingmyeyesonmysleeve.“Thankyou.Thisisreally

sweet.”

“That’smyjob,right?”Snakesays,holdingmeclosertohim.“Ihaven’tdonethis

boyfriendstuffmuch,butreally,it’sapieceofcake.”

Boyfriend.Notonlyishenotkillingme,he’styinghimselftomewiththislabel.It’s

anactofkindnesssohuge,Icanbarelyfathomit,andsomethingIneverexpectedfroma

mafiasoldier.

ThisisentirelydifferentthanJake.Snake’slookingpastmyflaws,pastmymisdeeds,

andhe’sseeingme.

Andhe’snotrunningaway.

Backatmyapartment,theflowersarebarelyinthevasebeforeI’verippedSnake’s

clothesoff,andpushedhimintothebedroom.Hebendsmeoverthebed,fuckingme

ravenouslyfrombehind.Heyanksmyhair,pullingmyheadbacktoravenouslykissmy

lips.Throughhisclenchedteeth,hehisses,“Ifuckingloveyou.”

Hestopspoundingmeforamomentwrapmeinhisarms.Ifeelhisbreathashischest

expandsagainstme.Ican’tsayanything.Ileanback,buryingmyfaceinhischest.Idon’t

wanttothinkaboutJakerightnow,butIdo.Ican’thelpfeelinglikeI’mbetrayinghim.

ThepassionIhaveforSnake,nomatterhowintense,willalwaysbetemperedbymyguilt.

NowIhavetodecidewheremyloyaltieslie.

ChapterNineteen

Snake

It’sfourinthemorning.Ican’tsleep.Jessisbesideme,herbreathrhythmicand

steady.Herfaceisserious,andIwonderwhatshe’sdreamingabout.Jealousytugsatmy

skin.Isshedreamingofhim?

I’mgoingtomakeherforgetallabouthim,Jake,themanIkilled.That’smygoal.

AndI’malreadyhalfwaythere.JessshiverseverytimeItouchher,adeepshudderthat

I’msurebringsherclittolife.I’vegottenreallygoodatmakinghercome.Iknowexactly

howtogetherthere,justhowtotouchher.BythetimeI’mdonewithher,she’sasopping

wet,quiveringmess.

Andshe’sstartingtounderstandjusthowseriousIamabouther.Inthefewweeks

sinceToby’ssystemwentintoplace,I’veplayedthepartofthedotingboyfriendtoa

fuckingT.Wedoeverythingtogether.It’salmostlikewe’remarried.

Shehasn’ttoldmeshelovesmeyet.I’vesaiditthreetimes.Iknowexactlywhat’s

holdingherback.It’shim.Shestillfeelslikewe’reonoppositeteams.I’malignedwith

thebigbadmenwhokilledherfiancé.Actually,Iamthebigbadmanwhokilledher

fiancé.Thefactthatifsheeverfoundout,andturnedhervengeanceonmemakesme

morethanalittleinsecure.Andeventhoughweshareabednow,Icantellshedoesn’t

completelytrustme.Sometimes,Iterrifyher.Iseeitinhereyes.Maybeithassomething

todowithallthetimesIthreatenedtokillher.Maybeit’sbecause,accordingtocode,I

shouldkillher.

Ipressagainsther,lightlykissingherneck.He’sgone.I’mhere.AndI’mgladIkilled

him,soIcanhaveyou.

Let’ssee,ifIwanttospendtherestofmylifewithJess,canIreallykeepthatsecret

forsolong?Itshouldn’tbeaproblem.There’snowayinhellI’dspillthosebeans.Butis

itgoingtobenaggingatmyheadfordecadestocome?Ifounditeasytolietowomenin

thepast,aseasyasbreathing.ButIdon’twanttolietoJess.It’sjustthatIhaveto.

Iclosemyeyesandliestillforafewminutes.Iquicklyrealizethatthisisn’tgoingto

work.Ican’tswitchmybrainofftosleep.Ishovethecoversoffofmyself,andgotothe

laptoptocheckourprogress.Chargeshavebeenslowingrollinginthepastfewweeks.I

askedTobyaboutthis.Hesaidthealgorithmheusedgetssmarterastimepasses.It’s

actuallylearning.Thingsareslownow,buttherewillbeatippingpointsoon.Ihope,for

hissake,thatthereis.

Ilogintotheoffshoreaccounttoseehowmuchmoneyhasaccumulated.Thelasttime

Ichecked,wewereuptoawhoppingtwentybucksandsomechange.Thescreenisbright

inthedarkroom.Ittakesafewmomentsformyeyestoadjust.Ifocusonthefigureatthe

bottomofthescreenthattalliesthetotalamountofmoneyintheaccount.

Isquint,rubmyeyes,andlookagain.It’snottwentydollarsanymore.It’suptoforty

sevengrand.Mostofthatisjustfromyesterday.Aslowsmilespreadsacrossmyface.

OnceJessseesthatit’sworking,howmuchmoneywe’resettomake,she’llforgetall

aboutwhat’shisname.

Youpoorfuckingdumbass,IthinktoJake’sghost.Youcouldbeinthispositionright

now,butyoupisseditallaway.

Imean,whatthefuckwashethinking,rattingontheMariano’s?Didhereallythink

he’dgetawaywithit?Andwhatdidhethinkhe’dgetoutofit?Itreallymakesnosense.

“Hisloss,”Imutterwithashrug.I’mjustasoldier.It’snotmyjobtomakesenseof

thepeopleIneedtokill.Myjobistofollowordersandmakemoney.Iglancedownthe

hallway,towardswhereJessissleeping.It’snotlostonmethatshecouldbemyfatal

mistake.Bybeingwithher,I’mgoingagainsttheMariano’s,justlikeJake.

ButI’mgoingtomakedamnsureIdon’tenduplikehim.

Jesswakesupafewhourslater,wearingoneofmyshirts,andnothingelse.Igreether

inthehallway,wrappingherinmyarms,andgivingheradeepkiss.Ireachundertheshirt

andgrabherbareass.Mycocktwitchestogetinsideofher,butthatwillhavetowait.

“You’reinagoodmood,”Jesspurrs.

Ikissherknuckles,thenleadherovertothelaptop.“Waituntilyouseewhy.”

Sheflashesmeasmile,thenturnstowardsthescreen.Iwatchwhilehereyesflitover

thenumbers.Whensheseesit,hereyesgrowwide,andshestopsbreathingforasecond.

“Isthisright?”sheasks,blinking.

Iliftherhairandkissthebackofherneck.“Itis,”Imurmur.“You’reafucking

genius.”Islidemyhandsdownthecreaseofherhips.“WaituntilMontyhearsaboutthis.

AndFranco.”Istarttopryherlegsapart,whenJessstandssuddenly.Shewalkstothe

othersideoftheroom,huggingherarmsaroundherself.

Fuckingidiot,Iscoldmyself.Why’dyouhavetomentionMonty?

Jesslooksoutofthewindow,shakingherhead.“Thisissurreal.”

Istandupslowlyandwalkovertowardsher.Iknowwhatshe’sthinking.Sheended

upworkingfortheverymanshewastryingtokill.She’sthinkingthatthesuccesswe

havetogetherisadirectbetrayalofJake.Jealouslypoolshotlyinmyveins.Whenisshe

goingtoforgetabouthim?I’mtiredofcompetingwithacorpse.Islipmyarmsaroundher

waist,andhughertome.

“See,”Iwhisperinherear.“We’regoodtogether.”

Jessblinksupatmewarily.Idon’tlikethenervouslookinhereyes.Ikisshertomake

itgoaway.“Let’sgoouttoday,”Iwhisperagainstherneck.“Let’scelebrate.”

IdriveusouttoRodeoDrive.Jessdoesn’tseemthrilled,butshepolitelygoesalong

withtheidea.Wegointoahighendshop.Theinventoryissparse,butexpensive.Itell

Jesstopicksomethingoutforherself.Jesslooksaroundthebrightlylitstore.Shepicksup

apurse,looksatthepricetag,andscoffs.

“Youdon’tneedtoworryaboutthat,remember,”Isay.

Jessshakesherhead.“Idon’tknow,Snake.Thisstuffissoexpensive.Itfeels-“

“What?”Iask,breathinghotlyagainstherear.

Jesssighs.“Idon’tknowwhatIwasgoingtosay.Dirty,maybe?”

Ichuckle.“Inthisbusiness,youhavetogetusedtothegrime.”

WhatJessdoesn’tknow,isthatI’veseenpicturesofherfromherpast,whenshewas

alwaysdeckedoutindesignerduds,loungingonyachts,orintheVIPareaofexclusive

clubs.That’sthelifeshelost,isn’tit?Icangetitbackforher.

Itakeherhandandleadherintoaroomfulloffurcoats.Ipullanelegantthrowfrom

therack,andslipitoverhershoulders.Whilesheadmiresherselfinthemirror,Ifinda

tiarasetwithcrystalsandrealsapphires,thenperchitonherhead.Shelaughs,posingto

thesideinthemirror.Itakeherhandandkissit.

“Mymafiaqueen,”Isay.“Youlooklikefuckingroyalty.”

Jessblushesfiercely.Shelooksdownatherfeet,asmiletuggingthecornersofher

lips.

“Letmeguess,”shesays,withasurgeofconfidence.“You’retheking?”

Islipmyarmthroughthethrow,findingherwaist,thendigmyfingersintoherflesh

possessively.“That’sright.Idareanyonetostandinourway.”

Ikissthesideofherneck,makinghergiggle.Jesslookstothestraight-backedsales

womanwho’sstaringatusintheotherroom,andpullsawayforme.

“ThisistoohotforLAweather,”Jesssays,takingoffthethrow.

“Okay,”Isay,cockingmyheadtotheside.“Whatelsewouldyoulike?”

Jesslooksupattheceiling,scrunchingherface.“Howabout…lunch?”

It’snotexactlytheextravagantgiftIhadinmymind,butIdon’tdenyher.Wewalk

downtheblocktoabougiecafe,andfindatableontheoutdoorpatio.Iorderthemost

expensivebottleofsparklingmineralwater.Whenthewaitressgoestogetit,Jessquietly

studiesthemenu.Ireachunderthetableandgrabherknee.

“So,youdon’tlikefurs,”Isay.“Howaboutsomejewelry?”

Jesslooksatthemenu,shakingherhead.Islidemyfingersfurtherupherleg.

“Anewcar?”Iask.

“Snake.”Jesssighswithexasperation.“Idon’tneedanything.I’mgood.Thatstuff

doesn’tmattertome.”Sheblinksoffintothedistance,likeshe’sjustrealizingthisabout

herselfnow.

Isitback,feelinglikeafool.I’vebeentryingtoimpressher,butreally,Iwastryingto

impresstheoldJess.It’sokay,though.I’lljustusethesecretcharminmypantstomake

herforgetaboutJake.

“You’reright,baby,”Imurmur.“Whoneedsthatshit?Afterweeat,let’sgobackto

theapartment.Letmestripyoudownandgiveyouamassage.”

I’mwaitingforhergivemethatshysmile,butshe’snotevenlookingatme.Hereyes

aretrainedpastmyshoulders.Herfaceispale.Iturntolook,andseetwomensitting

behindus.Oneofthemlooksatus,andseemstorecognizeJess.Hestandsupawkwardly

andwalksovertoourtable.Whatthefuckdoeshewant?Igivetheguytheside-eye.He

triestoavoidmygaze.

“Howareyou,Jess?”hesays,shakingherhand.

Jessclearsherthroat,hercheeksturningred.“Hi,Steve.I’mdoingwell.”

“Haveyoumetmyhusband,Max?”Stevesays,gesturingtohisdiningcompanion,

whogivesusafriendlywave.

“Ithinkwemetatthelastofficeparty.”Jessgivesaquickwaveback.

Steveturnstome.Iglareathim.

“Idon’tbelievewe’vemet,”Stevesays,offeringmehishand.

“ThisisTyler,”Jesssays.

“Snake.”Istandupfrommyseat,toweringoverhim.Ishakehishand,perhaps,alittle

toohard.

“Snake,”Steverepeats,studyingmyface.I’veseenthatlookbefore.Herecognizes

me,buthecan’tquiteplaceme.Ifhe’sbeeninLAforverylong,heshouldknowwhothe

Mariano’sare.Iseethemomentheworksthisout.Hisfacefalls,andheyankshishand

away,shovingitinhispocket.Heclearshisthroatnervously.“Seeyouintheoffice

Monday,Jess.Enjoyyourlunch.”

IwatchSteveashewalksbacktohistable,thenIsitbackdown.Thewaitressreturns

withoursparklingmineralwater.Jesspoursherselfaglass,thendrinksmostofitinone

gulp.Shetapsherfootbeneaththetable.

“What?”Iasksardonically.“Ashamedofyourmafiaboyfriend?”

“No,”Jesssays,quickly.“Notashamed.Just-“Hervoicetrailsoff.Shedrinksmore

water.

Justwhat?Scared,embarrassed,what?MaybeI’mnottherespectabletrophyhusband

thatJakewouldbe.ButJakewasn’trespectableatall.HewasasdirtyasIam.Theonly

differencehereisthatIdon’ttrytohideit.

Therestofourlunchisuneventful.Whenweleave,IcatchStevetryingtotalktous

outofthecornerofmyeye.Ishoothimaglare,andhegoesbacktohissandwich.

ChapterTwenty

Jess

Ican’tgoonlikethis.I’mnotmeantforthisworld,forSnake’sworld.Whenweran

intoSteve,thatwasmadeabundantlyclear.StevewassoshockedwhenhemetSnake,it

waslikeIwashavinglunchwithawerewolforsomething.Itmakessense,professionally

ofcourse,tokeepthisthingIhavewithSnakeseparatefrommywork.Butisthat

possible?Snakehasembeddedhimselfineveryaspectofmylife.

IshouldkillMonty,IthinkstaringoutofthecarwindowasSnakedrivesmetowork.

I’veletthisgofarenough.It’stimetoendit,andfinallyaccomplishwhatIsetouttodo.I

can’tbelieveI’veindulgedmyselfinthismobsterfantasy.Enoughisenough.

Snakepullsuptothefrontoftheofficebuilding,rightwhereanyonecouldseeus,and

leansintokissme.Igivehimaquickpeckonthelips.Snakeshakeshishead,lettingme

knowthatwasn’tenough.Hegrabsthebackofmyhead,pullsmeclosetohim,andgives

meadeep,passionatekiss.AnynervousnessIhadaboutsomeoneseeingusmeltsawayas

lustfulfireworksexplodeinmylowerbelly.

IfIkillMonty,I’llloseSnake.Imightevengethimkilled.

“Seeyoulater,”Snakesays,rubbinghisforeheadagainstmine.Hereachesupmy

skirt,andrunshisfingersovermythong.“Myfavorite.Didyouwearthoseforme?”

Inibbleplayfullyathisear.“You’lljusthavetowait.”

SnakegroansasIexitthecar.I’maddictedtohim,Irealize,asmyheelstapacrossthe

floorofthelobby.I’maddictedtohissmell,hisaura,tothewayhemakesmefeel.I’ve

neverbeensowantedbyanyone,especiallynotJake,whooftenpreferredthecompanyof

hisguyfriendstome.AndeventhoughItriedtokillhisboss,IknowSnakewoulddo

anythingforme.

I’mtrapped.

IwanttoputoffseeingSteveforaslongaspossible,soIrushbackbacktomyoffice.

Unfortunately,Iwon’tbegettinganymuchneededalonetime,becauseTobyisinmy

office,waitingforme.

“Goodmorning,Toby,”Isaywithatightthroat.

Isitatmydeskacrossfromhim,notlikingwhatIsee.Tobylookslikeshit.He’s

sweatingsohardhisshirtisdamp.Therearedarkcirclesunderhiseyes,likehehasn’t

sleptindays.He’stappinghisfootsofranticallythefloorisvibrating.Ohfuck,Ithink.

Isoftenmyface,andfoldmyhandsinfrontofme.“WhatcanIdoforyou-“

“Ican’tdothis,”Tobyblurtsout,cuttingmeoff.

“Toby-“

“No,Jess.Ican’tdothis.I’mnervousallthetime.WheneverIpassapolicecar,I

wanttovomit.Ican’tsleep,becausewhenIdo,IdreamaboutSWATteamskickingdown

mydoor.”Heburieshisfaceinhistremblinghands.“Youbitch,”hegrumbles.“You

fuckingbitch.Whathaveyougottenmeinto?”

Itakeadeepbreathtocalmmyselfdown,thenwalkovertohim,andplacemyhand

onhisshoulder.

“It’sokay,Toby.It’sgoingtobefine.”

Hesmacksmyhandaway,andlooksatmewithwildeyes.“I’mgoingtothepolice,”

hespits.“I’mgoingtotellthemeverything.”

Istraightenmyback,losingthecompassionateact,andmakemyfacestern.

“That’samistake,Toby,”Isay.“Youdon’twanttodothat.”

Tobywipeshisfaceonhissleeve,thenlooksrightatme.He’sstoppedtappinghis

foot.He’sstoppedshaking.Hehasrealfuryinhiseyes.

“Orwhat?You’regoingtokillmymother.I’llgetthepolicetoprotecther.”

“That’snotgoingtowork.They’llfindher.”

“ThenI’llputheronaplane.Sendherfarawayfromhere,”Tobysays.“Youandyour

friendsthinkyoucandowhateveryouwant?Whatkindofpersonareyou?”

Thequestionhitsmerightinthegut.Inarrowmyeyesathim.“Ifyou’regoingtothe

police,whyareyoutellingmethis?”

“Because,unlikeyou,Idon’twanttocrucifypeople.”

Ithrowupmyhands.“Whatdoyouwant?Moremoney?Wecouldworksomething

out.”

Tobyshakeshishead.“Idon’twantanythingfromyou.Iwantout.”

“Toby,”Isigh.“Idon’tthinkthat’spossible.”

Tobystandsupshakily.“Itis.Tellthemobsteryou’refuckingthatIwantout,orI’ll

talk.”Hebrushespastme,thenstormsoutofmyoffice,slammingthedoorbehindhim.

Inthesuddensilence,Irealizehowhardmyheartispounding.Thisisit.Toby’sgoing

totalk.I’mgoingtoprison.Maybeit’swhatIdeserve.

Fearmakesmybloodpressuredropsuddenly.Feelinglightheaded,Isitbehindmy

desk.WhatkindofpersonamI?Ahorribleonefrommyestimation.Ideserveevery

consequencethatcomesmyway.Butmysenseofself-preservationrisesupfighting.I

havetogetoutofthis.ItextSnake.

Wehaveaproblem.

*

Onmylunchbreak,ImeetSnakeattheItaliangrocerunderhisapartment.It’sacross

thecityfromShopSuite,andit’stheoneplaceIknowIwon’trunintoanyofmyco-

workers.Snake’ssandwichremainsuntouchedasItellhimwhatwentdownwithToby

thismorning.

“Can’twejustlethimgo?”Iask.“Wecanbuyhimabusticket,gethimthehelloutof

here.”

Snakedoesn’tanswer.Hestaresnumblyinthedistance.

“It’smyfault,”Iadmit.“Tobywasnevertherightguyforthejob.Herattedonmein

thepast-“

“Hedidwhat?”Snakeasks,jerkinghisgazetowardsme.

Iplaywiththepaperaroundmysandwich.“Whenhecompiledthecreditcard

numbersforme.HetoldSteve.Butdon’tworry.Igotoutofit.”

Snake’seyesdarken.Feartightensmychest.Ihaven’tseenthatlookonhisfacein

ages,theonehe’dgivemerightbeforeheremindedmeofhisgun.

“Whydidn’tyoutellmethat?”heasks.

Heatrisestomychestandface.“Iwasn’t,uh,allinatthetime.”

Snakeraisesaneyebrow.“Allin?So,areyouallinnow?”

“Yes,ofcourse.”Itakeaquicksipoflemonsoda.Snakecontinuestostareatmefora

fewmoments.Ifeelmyselfwitheringunderhisgaze.“So,whatdowedo?”

Snakesitsbackinhischair,hislegsspread.“I’llhavetogotoMontywiththis.”

“Him?”Ispit,aknee-jerkreaction.

Snakeglaresatmesuspiciously.“Yes.Him.Thecapo.Myboss.”Heleansforward,

lookingrightintomyeyes.“Andyourbosstoo,whetheryoulikeitornot.”

Ihatethewayhe’stalkingtome.Irollmyeyes,lookingaway.

“Thisisthewaywedothings,”Snakesaysinalowvoice.“Youwantedtobe

included,soyouare.Isuggestyoulearnhowtohandleit.”

Ibristleatthis,andacceptthechallenge.“Okay,”Isay,casually.“We’lltalkto

Monty.”

Afterlunch,Snakewalksmetomycar.He’ssilent,walkingwithhishandsinhis

pocket.Whenwegettomycar,Istarttoopenthedoor,buthestopsme.

“Jess,”hesays,swinginghisheaddown.Heswipeshisfingersthroughhisthickhair.

“Look,Idon’tmeantobeanasshole.Sometimesitjusthappens.”

I’mstillalittlepissed.Ijustshrug,andmurmur,“Mmm-hmm.”

Snakestepsclosertome.Heslipshisfingerundermychin,liftingmyheadup.“I

don’twantanythingtoeverhappentoyou.AndI’mgoingtomakesureitdoesn’t.”He

kissesmelightlyonthelips.“I’llprotectyou.Nomatterwhat,”hepromises.

Ibelievehim.Ibelieveeverywordhesays.Icollapseagainsthischest,lettinghim

kissmeagain.Ijusthopethatintheprocessofhimprotectingme,nooneelsehastodie.

*

“Getridofhim,”Montysays,thentakesabiteofhisgigantic,andsloppy,meatball

sub.

Snakefoldshishandsinfrontofhisface,noddingcoldly.Iwatchwithdisgustasa

meatballfallsoutofMonty’ssandwich,andlandswithawetthudonhisdesk.

“Getridofhim?”Iask.“Whatdoesthatmean?Sendhimaway?”

Montycocksaneyebrowatme.“No,that’snotwhatthatmeans.”HeglancesatSnake

withaquestioninglook.

“Thenwhydon’tyoutellusexactlywhatyoumean?”Isay.

IfeelSnakegivemeawarninglook,butIcontinuetostareatMonty,challenginghim

toanswerthequestion.

“SnakeknowswhatImean,”Montysays,coldly.“Heknowswhattodo.”Hepicksup

themeatballwithhisbarefingersandshovesitbackintothebread.

Angercreepsupmyspine.IthinkofMontyatDr.Stone’soffice,thelookonhisface

whenhehandedoverthatenvelopeofmoney.Thisguy’sgonethroughlifedoing

whateverrottenthinghewantedtodo,andhasneverhadtofaceanyoftheconsequences.

Thisfuckinggluttonouscreep,Ithink.IwishIhadmygunrightnow.

“So,killhim,”Isay,bluntly.

Montylooksupfromhissandwich,glaringatme.Theevilinhiseyesgivesmeachill,

butIbrushitoff.

Ithrowupmyhands.“I’mjusttryingtobeclear.Someonegetsinyourway,or

inconveniencesyouintheslightest,youkillthem.Right?”

SnakestraightensupinhischairasMonty’sgazedarkens.I’mstartingtothinkI

pushedthingstoofar,untilMontysuddenlystartslaughing.

“Jesus,”Montysays,wipinghisbrow.“Whatcrawledupyourpantiestoday?Yougot

ahard-onforthisfuckingcomputerguyorsomething?Snake,yougoingtoletsomenerd

stealyourgirl?”Montyclapshishands,laughingsohardhebeginstowheeze.Aftera

briefcoughingfit,hestartstotalkagain.“Yes,killhim.Okay?Yougotthat?Thisisthe

mob,sweetheart.It’showwedobusiness.”Hepicksuphissub,pointingatme.“Ionly

allowsomeonewithagreatpairoftitstotalktomelikethat.Sotakeitasacompliment.”

“Compliment,”Igrowl.

Snakegrabsmyarm,pullingmeupbeforeIsayanymore.

“Gotit,boss,”Snakesays,leadingmetothedoor.“Consideritdone.”

Outinthehallway,Snakegrabsmywrist,pullingmetowardshim.Hisgripiscoldand

hard.

“Whatthefuckwereyoudoinginthere?”Snakesays.

I’mstillseethingfrombeinginMonty’spresence.Ifeelmyneedforrevengerising

up,makingmeravenous.Iyankmyarm,hard,breakingitfromSnake’sgrasp.

“You’reactuallygoingtodoit?”Iask.“You’regoingtokillTobybecausehegot

scared?”

Snakeleansdown,whisperingcoldlyinmyear.“Iam.Thatwasmyorder.I’mgoing

tofollowthrough.”

Ihatethewaymystomachleapswithfearandlust,theexcitementthatbubblesinmy

bellywhenIlookintoSnake’scold,darkeyes.IhateknowingthatIneverwanttolive

withouthim.Inthismoment,Ihatehim.

“Snake,thegoodsoldier,”Isay,mockingly.“TheMariano’sbeforeanythingelse.If

that’strue,thenwhyamIstillhere?”

Snakeclencheshisjaw,makingmewince.Feartightensmychestwhileheat

simultaneouslyflushesbetweenmylegs.What’swrongwithme?Hesnakeshishand

aroundmyneck,grabbingthebackofit,makingmelookathim.Thecornerofhismouth

turnsupinahalfsmile.

“Youdon’tknowwhentoquit,doyou?”Snakegrowls.“HowaboutItakeyouback

home,andfucksomesenseintoyou?”

Ihatehim.He’sevil.He’shot.He’spowerful.Iwanthim.

Isteptowardshim,runningthebackofmyhanduptheshaftofhiscock.

“Youbetterdothat,”Iwarn.

It’satenseridebacktomyapartment.Snakeisquiet,andstillasstone,ashecalmly

drives.Myskinishottothetouch,mythighsclenchedinanticipationofwhat’stocome.

Pent-uprageandlustthreatenstobreakmelooseattheseams.I’mtooworkedupto

considerthemoralityofthesituation.IneedSnakeinsideofme.

Iwalkintotheapartment,andstandinthelivingroom,facinghim.Snakecasually

dropsthecarkeysonthecounter.Withhishandsinhispockets,hewalkstowardsme,

slowly.Istandmyground,notbackingupaninch,eventhoughmyinstincttellsmeto

run.

Hestopsclosetome,soclosemybreastsareagainsthischest.Hecombshisfingers

throughmyhair,thengathersitinafist.

“Don’teverquestionmyloyaltyagain,”Snakehissesthroughhisteeth.“Isthatclear?”

Fuckingcockybastard,Ithink,asmypantiesfloodwithwetness.

“Youdon’ttellmewhattothink,”Isay,defiantly.

Snakepullsmyhairharshly,yankingmyheadback,andexposingmyvulnerableneck.

Helicksupthesideofmyneck,slowlytrailingthetipofhistongueovermyskin,then

sinkshisteethintomyearlobe.

“Iknowhowtoshutyouup,”hesays,intomyear.

Iwanttospitbackaninsult,butadeepshudderchokesmyvoice.Whatcomesoutisa

moan.

“See?”Snakesays.Hestartsunbuttoningmyblouse.“Ihavecompletecontrolover

yourbody.Thisbelongstome.”Heopensmyblouse,thenseductivelykissesthetopsof

mybreasts.Hehikesupmyskirt,thenthrustshisfingersintomypanties,seeingexactly

whathe’sdoingtome.Hegroansagainstmyearasheplaysinmywetness.“Iknowwhat

youlike,Jess.Youlikedanger.Youneedamanlikeme.”

Snakehookshisotherarmaroundmywaist,thenstartstofingerme.Hepresseshard

intomyg-spot,massaging,coaxingmyrelease.Myeyelidsfall,andmylipspart.

“Admitit,”hegrowls,bringingmeclosertoclimax.“Thesehandsmakeyoucome,

butthey’vealsokilled,andyoulikethat.”

Igritmyteeth,refusingtoanswer.

“Admitit,”Snakesays,massagingharder.Histhumbcomesuptopressintomyclit.

Mykneesbucklebeneathme.Mybodyisgivingintothepleasurehe’sgivingme.I

wanttosmackhim,totellhimIhatehim,thatIwantnothingtodohim.

“Admit,”Snakesaysagain,thrustingharder.

Itakeadeepbreath,preparingtoyellinhisface,whenapowerfulorgasmcrashes

throughme.

“Yes,”Iscream,grabbinghiscoatfordearlife.

SnakecontinueshisworkwithhishandwhileIcome.WhileI’mgrippedbypleasure,

writhinginhisarms,atruthcomestolight.Idogetoffonthedanger.Itheatsmyblood,it

makesmefeelalive.Snake’sbrutalitystirssomethingdeepinsideofmethatI’llneverbe

abletoforget.

WhenI’mfinished,Snakethrowsmeonthecouch,thentakesoffhisclothes.Hegrabs

mylegs,proppingthemuponhisshoulders,thensinksinsideofme.

“I’mtheonlyone,Jess,”hesayswhilefuckingme.“I’mtheonlyonethatcanhave

you.I’mtheonlyoneyouneed.”

Inthebackofmymind,Iknowhe’stalkingaboutJake.Hiscockbanginginsideofme

flushesoutallthoughtsofmydeadfiancé.ForaslongasIridethetumultuouswaveof

pleasure,Snakeistheonlyone.

*

Laterthatnight,theintensityofourhatefuckhasfaded.Snakecomesintothe

bathroomwhereI’mtakingashower.Heleansagainsttheshowerdoor.

“Youdon’thavetobethereifyoudon’twantto,”Snakesays.“WhenwegetToby.”

Iletthewarmwaterflowovermyface,consideringthis.Ishutofftheshowerand

openthedoor.

“I’llbethere,”ItellSnake.Henods,thenwalksoutthebathroom.

Ihavetobethere.Ineedtoseetheconsequencesofmyactionsformyself.Ican’tlook

away.

ChapterTwenty-One

Snake

Toby’slastnightonearthcomesupfast.

It’sdark.Almostmidnight.TobylivesinashittyapartmentcomplexinParkMesa

Heights.It’sFridaynight.Theplaceisquiet,almostdead.Mostoftheresidentshereare

probablyoutbarhopping,butnotToby.He’sinhisapartment,allalone.

JesswaitsinthecarwhileSalvatore,Bruno,andIwalkupthestairstoToby’s

apartment.We’redressedinallblack,andkeepabsolutelyquiet.SometoughLAstreets

gangsownterritoryaroundhere,andwedon’twanttostartanythingup.Thegoalistoget

inandgetout,allwhilekeepingalowprofile.

Ishouldbefocusingonhowtoquicklyandefficientlycarryouttheseorders,withas

littleproblemaspossible.Usually,I’dbegoingoverdifferentscenariosinmyhead,

preparingmyselfforanythingthatcouldhappen.

I’mnotfocusedatall.Unlikepasthits,Iknowtheguywe’rekilling.AndIknowJess

reallydoesn’twantmetokillhim.

You’reafuckingsoldier,Ithink,squeezingmyhandsintofists.Actlikeit.

Salvatorepointsatdooronthethirdfloor.Inod,confirmingthatthisisone.Sal

knocksonthedoor,threequick,piercingknocks,thenstepstotheside.Wewaitfor

awhile.Ihearfootstepswalkinguptothedoor.Thedoordoesn’topen.IknowToby’s

lookingatusthroughthepeephole,probablyscaredshitless.

“Weknowyou’reinthere,Toby”Isay.“Openup,orI’llhaveBrunoopenitforyou.”

Brunowalksuptothedoor,puttinghiseyerightuptothepeephole.There’sascuffle,

probablyTobyshufflingbackwards.

“Justasecond,”saysasqueakyvoice.

Butthedoordoesn’topen.IfiguredTobywouldtrysomethingstupid.He’sprobably

grabbinghisphonetocallthepolice.IgiveBrunothesignal.

Brunosmasheshiselbowinthedoor,rightatthelock.It’saclean,fiercehitthat

doesn’tmakemuchnoise,andpacksalotofpower.Hehitsitacouplemoretimes,andthe

boltpopsoutofthelock,allowingthedoortoswingopeneasily.Weshowourselves

inside.

Avideogameblaresfromthetelevision,somethingwithcrashingcarsandlotsof

guns.Toby’satthebackoftheroom,clutchinghiscellphone.He’swearingat-shirtand

boxershorts.

“Toby,Toby,Toby,”Isay,waltzinginside.“Wejustwantedtotalk.Butyouhadtodo

thingsthehardway.”

Brunowalksuptohim,andsnatchesthephoneoutofhishand.Asingleninehasbeen

dialed.

“Whatdoyouwant?”Tobyasks.“ItoldJessIwasn’tworkingforyouanymore.I

won’tsayanything.Ipromise.”

“Well,shit,”Salvatoresays.“Thatclearsthingsup.Lookslikewecangohome,boys.”

Salvatoregrins,andweallstarttolaugh.Tobyjoinsin.Helooksalittlerelieved.Sal

raiseshishand,andweallgoquiet.“Exceptforoneproblem.Howdoweknowyouwon’t

talk?Huh?Wedon’t.You’rearat.Ratsdon’tchange.”

“Iswear,Iswearonmylife,”Tobysays.

“Let’stakeadrive,Toby,”Isay,snappingmyfingers.

BrunoclampshisgigantichanddownonToby’sshoulder.ItlookslikeTobywill

crumbleundertheweight.

“Wherearewegoing?”Tobyasks.

Iturnaroundtowalkout.“You’llsee.”

BrunokeepshishandonToby,dragginghimalongaswemakeourwaydownthe

stairs.Jessiswaitinginthedriver’sseat.Whensheseesus,shestartsuptheengineand

popsthetrunk.

“No,”Tobysays.Hetriestorunaway,butBrunoisquicktograbhim.

“Don’tfightit,”Brunosays,pushinghimintothetrunk.“It’llonlymakethingsharder

foryou.”Brunoshoveshishanddown,thenquicklyclosesthetrunk.

Fortheentiredriveouttothedesert,Tobydoesn’tshutthefuckup.Hekickshislegs

andpunchestheroof,yellingatthetopofhislungs.HepleadsforhislifeandcursesJess

betweenboutsofsobbing.Iregretnottyinghimup,butIwantedthingstobequick.AndI

thoughthe’dbesmartenoughnotfight.

Everyone’squiet,liketheyusuallyareontheserides.It’sstrangehavingJesshere.I

keepwatchingher,wonderingwhatshe’sthinking.DoesshethinkI’mabrutalanimal?Is

shedisgustedbyme?Orhasshefinallyresignedherselftotheviolenceofthisworld?

Hereyesarecoldandfocusedontheroadahead.Sheleansforwardslightly,herlips

tightlypursed.She’sbeenunpredictableinthepast,soIstarttoworry.

Whenwegettothespot,Itellherstop.SalvatoreandBrunoextractTobyfromthe

trunk.TheyholdhimwhileItiehisarmsbehindhisbackwithrope,andshoveaclothbag

overhishead.SalandBrunoescorthimforwardwhileJessandIfollowbehind.

“Youokay?”ImouthtoJess.

Sheblinksupatme,noddingquickly,thenlooksbackattheground.Icantellshe’s

tryingnottolookatToby.WhatthefuckwasIthinking,briningherouthere?She’snever

seenanythinglikethis.It’sgoingtoleaveascar.

“Onyourknees,”Salvatoresays,pushingTobytotheground.

Igrabmygun,thenglanceatJess.HereyesareonToby,hermouthopen.Herbreath

isshallowandquick.

“Youcanturnaway,”Iwhispertoher.

Withoutlookingatme,sheshakesherhead.IwalkuptoToby,raisingmygun.He’s

howlingwithsobs,andbeggingforhislife,justliketheyalldo.Ipointthegunathis

head,andslidemyfingerontothetrigger.

“Wait,”Jessyells,desperately.Ihearhershufflingfeetassherunsuptome.Sheflings

herarmsaroundmywaist.“Don’tdothis.”

“Whatthefuckisthis?”Salvatoreasks.“Jess,getoutoftheway.”

IturntoJess.“It’stoolatenow.Wecan’tlethimgo.Gobacktothecarifyouneed

to.”

“Snake,please,”Jessbegs.Therearetearsinhereyes.“Don’t.”

Salvatorewatchesuscoldlyforafewmoments,thenapproachesme.“Areyou

faltering,soldier?”

“Wecouldsendhimaway,”Jesssays.“TellMontyhe’sdead.”

Ilookbetweenthetwoofthem,notknowingwhattosay.Salvatoreglaresatme,

makingmybloodruncold.

“You’regoingtodefyorders?”Salvatoresays.“Lietoyourcapo?Tomyfather?”He

graspsthebarrelofmygun,pointingitbackatToby.“Doit.Putthatscumdown.”

“Don’tdoit,Snake,”Jesspleads,tuggingatmycoat.

Salvatoregetsrightinmyfaceandspeakscalmly.“Haveyouforgottenwhoyouswore

anoathto?Whotookyouinoffthestreet?Ifyoudon’tkillhim,Iwill.Anddon’tbe

surprisedifwedon’ttrustyouagain.”

IftheMariano’sstoptrustingme,it’llbemeonmykneesinsteadofToby,and

probablyJesstoo.IgrabJess’shoulders,pullingheroutoftheway,andsqueezethe

trigger.TheblastforcesTobyforward,andhisheadhitsthedrydirt.Everythinggoes

quiet.

IforcemyselftolookatJess.She’sstaringatthebody,herfaceghostlypale.

Suddenly,itturnsashadeofgreen.Sherunsafewyardsaway,doublesover,andvomits.

Salvatoregivesmeaheartypatontheback,butaterrifyinglook.I’vepissedhimoff.

That’snotgood.

Idriveusbackintothecity.Jesssitsinthefrontseat,hereyesclosed.Ican’ttellif

she’ssleepingornot.IdropBrunooffathisplacefirst,andthenSal.WhenSalgetsoutof

thecar,heaskstospeakwithmeinprivate.Jessdoesn’tlookatmewhenIleaveher.She

doesn’tevenmove.

IexpectSalvatoretolayintomeforhesitatingbackthere.Hedoesn’t.Whathesays

isn’tmuchbetter.Westandontheporchofhishouse,talkingintheshadows.

“Anthonygotsomeintelaboutmyfather’stequila,”Salsays,lightingacigarette.

“TherewasawaitertherethatnightwithtiestotheLombardi’s.MattWalker.Ithinkyou

knowhim.”

Irubthebackofmyneck.NotMatt.Hecan’tbethefallguy.

“Yeah,Iknewhimbackintheday.”

“Hewasaplant,”Salvatoresays,pointingthecigaretteatme.“Hewassenttokillmy

father.Anyway,Ithinkweshouldbringhimin,askhimafewquestions.”

“Idon’tknow,Sal,”Isaywithasigh.“Howcanwebesureit’shim?Whatevidence

dowehave?”

Salcockshishead,squintingatme.“Sincewhenareyouconcernedwithevidence,

soldier?Iknowthisisanoldbuddyofyours,buthebetrayedyourfamily.LikeIsaid,

we’lljustaskhimafewquestions.”

“Iknowwhatthatmeans,”Isay.MostguyswhogetquestionedbytheMariano’send

upwithafewbrokenfingers,andmorethanafewbruises.

“Don’tworryaboutathing,”Salsays,pattingmyback.“We’llgettothebottomof

this.Me,you,Anthony,andBruno.”Heturnstowardsthedoor,thempauses.“Anddome

afavor.Leaveyourpieceofpussyathomewhereshebelongs.”

ChapterTwenty-Two

Jess

It’sonethingtotryandpoisonsomeone.It’sanothertoseesomeone’slifeburnoutin

aninstant,forcedoutbyabulletinthebrain.

Whenwegetbacktotheapartment,Ifeelphysicallyill.Snakeisquietanddistant.I

knowhismoodhasnothingtodowiththecorpsewelefttorotinthedesert.He’sprobably

madatmefortryingtostophim.

Montyistherealvillainhere.I’msurehe’llbetakinghisfatassouttoDr.Stone’s

officetohandoveranotherenvelopethickwithcash.Montyneedstodie.Thoughafter

whatI’veseen,IdoubtIhaveitinmetokillhim.

Sothat’showitis.Theworldbelongstothosewhoareevil,becausegoodpeopleare

toosqueamishtostanduptothem.It’sasobering,anddepressingrealization.

IwatchfromthelivingroomasSnakepourshimselfaglassofwaterinthekitchen.

Heplantshishandonthecounter,drinkingdeeply.Heputstheglassdown,thelowershis

head,lookingattheground.

IsSnakeevilorgood?Idon’tthinkI’lleverforgetthenumblookinhiseyeswhen

pulledthetrigger,killingToby.ButIknowhe’smorethanamurderer.He’sanintelligent

manwithatroubledchildhood,andfiercelyloyal.It’sthatsameloyaltythatmadehima

murderer.

Andwhataboutme?I’mnotsopure.IalmostpoisonedMontythatnight,oran

innocentrestaurantworkerwhocould’vestolenasipfromtheexpensivetequila.

Snakeswingshisheadtowardsme,rakinghishandthroughhishair.Hetakesbothof

myhandsinhis.Hisfingersarefreezingcold.

“It’sbeenalongday.Let’sgotobed,”hesays.

WhenIlookintohiseyes,IseethedarkvacancyIwitnessedwhenhekilledToby.

Instinctively,Ipullawayfromhim.Ican’tsharemybedwithhim,nottonight.

“I’drathersleepalone,”Isay.There’sanunexpectededgetomyvoice.

Snakesquareshisshoulderstowardsme.“Comeon,Jess.You’rejuststressedout.”He

reachesforme.Ipullaway,holdingmyhandsupdefensively.Snakebristlesatthis.“So,

what?I’msleepingonthecouchagain?”

Irubmytemples.Mynervesareredandraw,andI’mexhausted.

“I’dpreferifyouleft,”Ispit.“Givemeachancetobreath.”

Snakeshakeshishead.“I’mnotleavingyoualone.”

“What?”Isay,jerkingmyheadtowardshim.“Youstilldon’ttrustme?”

“It’snotthat.”Snakeforceshimselftobecalm,thoughIseehowtightlyhe’s

squeezinghisfists.“You’vejustbeenthroughsomethingintense.Idon’twantyoutobe

alone.”

“Somethingintense?YoumeanwhenyoukilledToby?”

Snakestepsforward,narrowinghiseyes.“YouknowwhatkindofbusinessI’min,

whatIdo.”

“Iknow,Ijust-“Iclenchmyeyesshut,theimageofToby’slimpbodysprawledover

thedesertgroundflashinginmymind.MyeyesaredewywhenIopenthem.“Please.I

justneedtobealone.”

Snake’slipsharden.Hedoesn’tseemhappyaboutthis,butheeventuallyacquiesces

withanod.

“Youknowwherethepillowsandblanketsare,”Itossovermyshoulderbeforegoing

tomyroom.

Ofcourse,Ican’tsleep.Idon’twanttosleep,andunleashmytroubledsubconscious.I

wanttocurlintoaballandcry.ButIcan’tjustifyweepingformyself.Hoursago,Toby

waslivingandbreathing.Now,he’sfoodforscorpions.Iwasanaccomplicetohismurder.

Ipressmyfaceintomypillow.HowcouldIletmyselfgetinsodeepwiththemob?Shit,I

madebetterdecisionswhenIwasdrinkingallthetime.

Ilieinbed,staringupatthedarkceiling,watchingtheminutes,andhourstickbyon

thedigitalclock.Ihaven’theardasoundfromSnakesinceIwenttobed.Butaroundfour

inthemorning,Ihearhisvoice,lowandsecretive.

Who’shetalkingto?

Iquietlycreepoutofbed,andlistenatthedoor.

“Listentome,”Snakesays.Hisvoiceisassertive,buthe’stryingtobequiet.“Getout

oftownnow.Buyabusticket.Goanywhere.Anddon’ttellanyoneyou’releaving.Gotit?

Anddon’ttellanyoneyouspoketome.”

Igetthefizzy,lightheadedfeelingofmybloodpressuredropping.Whatthehellis

goingon?What’sSnakekeepingfromme?

Ilookatthecrumpledblanketsonthebed.Iconsidercrawlingunderthemandhiding

thereforever.Butno.Ivowedtoneveragainturnablindeyetothedisturbingbehaviorof

themeninmylife.WhenSnakehangsupthephone,Iburstoutofthebedroom,andcome

intothelivingroomhot.

“Whowereyoutalkingto?”Idemand.

Snakeisshockedtoseeme.Hetriestoconcealhiscellphoneunderapillow.“You’re

up.”

“Yes,I’mup,”Ihiss.“Whatwasthatphonecallabout?Issomeoneindanger?”

Snakeleansforward,foldinghishandsbetweenhisknees.“It’sbetterifyoudon’t

know.Itdoesn’tconcernyou.”

“Likehellitdoesn’t.”Ireachoverthecouchandgrabhisphone,thenholditlikea

weapon.“Tellme,orI’llcallthatnumberbackandmakethemtellme.”

Snakelooksattheceilingandgroans.“Okay,okay.Haveaseat.”

Stillgrippingthephone,Isitnexttohim,thoughasafedistanceaway.

“They’vepinnedthepoisonedtequilaonaguyIknow.Iwaswarninghim,”Snake

says.

Mybodygoestemporarilynumb.“Ididn’tknowtheyknewaboutthetequila.”

“Theydo.”

“Snake?”Iscreech.“Whatthefuck?Whydidn’tyoutellme?”

“Ididn’twanttoscareyou.”

“Scareme?”Iscoff.“Thiscomingfromtheguywho’sthreatenedtokillmeon

multipleoccasions?Theguywhokilledmyco-workerrightinfrontofme?”

“That’snotfair,Jess-“

“Allthistime-“Ishakemyhead,feelinglikeaprofoundfool.“Ithoughtyouwere

beinghonestwithme.You’renodifferentthantherest.”

“Youknowthat’snottrue,”Snakesays,sneering.

“Whatelseareyoukeepingfromme?”

“Nothing.That’sit.Youknoweverythingnow.”

Isitback,quietlystudyinghim.Mymindisracing.Aninnocentpersoncouldbekilled

forwhatIdid.

“Ishould’vekilledMonty,”Igrumble.“Noneofthisshitwouldbehappeningifhe

wasdead.”

“Ithoughtyouwereoverthatshit.”

AllIcanseeisred.“YouthinkI’moverit?OverJake?Overlosingachild?I’mnot,

Snake.Ineverwillbe.ItfuckingpissesmeofftoknowMontyhasn’tpaidforwhathe

did-“

Snakelurchesforward,grabbingmyface.“Stoptalkinglikethat.That’sagoodwayto

enduplikeToby.”

Iseeafireinhiseyes.Itburnsintensely.Heslipshisarmaroundmywaist,holding

metightly,protectively.IknowthateventhoughSnakeisloyaltotheMariano’sonpaper,

it’smethathe’ddoanythingfor.Myrageturnsintoburningtears.Irestmyforehead

againstSnake’schest,lettinghimembraceme.“You’reupset,”Snakemurmurs,stroking

myhair.“Youjustsawadeath.Comehere.”

Ifallagainsthim,closingmyeyes.Andatsomepoint,Ifallasleep.

*

Thingsaretense,butquietlycivil,betweenSnakeandIforthenextfewdays.Ihave

reoccurringandintrusivethoughtsaboutwhathappenedtoToby,soI’mstillnotupto

lettingSnakesleepinmybed.He’sacceptingofthisontheoutside,butIcantellit’s

tearinghimup.

There’salsobeensomethingelseonmymind.WhenIfoundoutthatSnakehasn’t

beencompletelyhonestwithme,aseedwasplanted,andimmediatelygrewwildlyoutof

control.

Oneclearsunnymorning,Snakedrivesmetowork.Ihaven’tdrivenmyselfatallfor

thepastfewdays.AfterImentionedkillingMontyagain,Snake’sbeenwatchingmeextra

closely.

We’restuckintraffic.Snake’sfiddlingwiththeradio.Ican’tgetthissuspicionoutof

mymind.

“WhokilledJake?”Iask,outoftheblue.

Snake’shandfreezesontheradiobuttons.“What?Montygavetheorder.”

“Iknow,but-“Istareoutofmywindowattheredpickuptruckbesideusonthe

highway.“Montydidn’tpullthetrigger.That’swhatI’velearnedfromhangingoutwith

you.Capo’sgiveorders.Soldiersdothekilling.”

Snakeshrugs,crankingupthevolumeonarapstation.“Doesitmatter?”

Ilickmydrylips.“Itdoes.Doyouknowwhoitwas?”

“Idon’tknow.Could’vebeenanyone.”Trafficstartstomove.Snakefocuseshisgaze

ontheroadahead.“Whatareyoudoingforlunchtoday?”

Lunch?Justthethoughtoffoodmakesmystomachcramp.Evenmorerepulsiveisthat

Snake’stryingtochangethesubject.

“Wouldyoutellmeifyouknew?”Iask.

Heturnstome,raisinganeyebrow.“Idon’tknow,okay?Idon’tknoweverylittle

thingtheothersoldiersdo.Itmightbesomeonewho’snotinourcrew,ahiredgunor

something.There’snotalotoftransparencyinthemob.”Hepressesthegasastraffic

speedsup.“Andyoushouldalsoknowfromhangingoutwithme,thatsoldiersarejust

followingorders.Usually,wedon’tevenknowwhowe’rehitting,orwhy.”

Veryconvenient,Ithink,smartenoughnottosaythatoutloud.

Snakepullsuptothefrontofthebuildinglikehealwaysdoes.“I’llpickyouupthis

evening,”hesays.

Igetoutofthecarbeforehecantrytokissme.Inresponse,Snakerevstheengine

loudlybeforepeelingoutoftheparkinglot.Iknowhe’llbeheretopickmeupthis

evening.Hedidn’thavetotellmethat.Snake’swatchingmyeverymove.He’salways

there.Eventhoughthishasbeenthecaseforawhile,forthefirsttime,Ifeellikehis

prisoner.

I’minmyofficethatafternoon,andthere’saknockatthedoor.It’sSteve.Usually,

he’swellgroomedandimpeccablydressed.Thismorning,helookshaggard.Hisfacial

hairislongandunruly,andIdon’tevensmellanycologneonhim.

“I’vegotsometerriblenews,”Stevesays,collapsinginchair.“TobyBrown.Hehasn’t

beenseenforafewdays.Thepolicecametomyhouselastnightaskingquestions.”

Theshockonmyfaceisreal.Iblink,feelingthebloodrushingtomyfeet.“That’s

terrible.”

“Haveyouseenhim?”Steveasks.“Orheardanything?Doyouknowanything?”

Ilookdownatmydesk,pretendingtothink.“LasttimeIsawhimwasatworkafew

daysago.Wedidn’tspeak.”

Stevesighs,rubbinghisface.“Whoknows,maybehejusttookanimpromptutrip.”

“I’msureit’ssomethinglikethat.”

“Right,metoo.”Stevestandsup.“Ifyouhearanything,orthinkofanything,please

letmeknow.I’llpassitalongtothecops.”

“Ofcourse.”

Stevewalksclosertome,andtapshisfingersonthedesk.Icantellhe’sworkingup

thecourageforsomething.

Don’tsayanythingelse,Steve,Isilentlyplead.Turnaround,andwalkthefuckout.

“Justonemorething,”hesays.“WhowasthatmanIsawyouwiththeotherday,atthe

cafe?Helookedoddlyfamiliar.”

“Youwouldn’tknowhim,”Isay,tensely.

Steveleansdown,hiseyeshard.“Really?BecauseIthinkalotofpeoplewouldknow

him.He’saMariano,right?”

Ishethreateningme?

“HislastnameisGallo,notMariano.”

Stevestandsupstraight,asmirkonhisface.“Ifyouseesomething,Jess.Say

something.”

“Ineedtogetbacktowork.”

“I’llletyoudothat.”Stevegivesmeaside-eyedstarebeforewalkingout.

Myheadfallsforward,bangingonthedesk.Whydoyouhavetobesuchafucking

idiot,Steve?WhatamIsupposedtodonow?Steveknowsallaboutthecreditcard

numbers,heknowsI’mdatingamobster.Willhesaysomethingtothecops?

AndwhatamIsupposedtodo?IfItellSnakeaboutthis,he’llgotoMonty,andthat’s

anothercorpseonmyhands.

Icouldrun,getthehelloutoftown,justlikeSnakeadvisedhisfriendtodo.ButSnake

wouldfindme,Iknowhewould.Orworse,another,andlesssympathetic,Marianowould

trackmedown.Iknowtoomuch.I’veseentoomuch.IfIdefect,theywon’tletmelive.

ChapterTwenty-Three

Snake

Isitinthecar,windowsrolledup,musicblaring,nottakingmyeyesoffofJess’office

building.I’mafewminutesearly,likeusual.Iwanttoseeherthemomentshewalksout.

Shithasgottensocrazylately.Jesshasgottencrazylately.It’sstressingmeout.After

herquestioningthismorning,Iworryaboutherhavingalldaytothinkaboutit.Hasshe

figuredoutthatIwastheonewhokilledJake?Evenifshehasn’tfigureditout,she

probablysuspectsit.

Inodmyheadtopumpingbass,tryingtofocus.Why’dshehavetobringupkilling

Montyagain?Ithoughtshewasoverthat,andIcouldpretendI’mnotharboringanenemy

oftheMariano’s.

Idon’twanttogoagainstmyfamily,notmorethanIalreadyhave.AndIdon’twant

toloseher.Maybeourrelationshipwastoofuckedupfromthestart.There’sjustsomuch

shitthere.Maybewe’llnevergetpastit.

Butfuckthat.Idon’tcare.Iwanther.I’lljusthavetowatchhereveryfuckingmove

untilsomeofthisshitblowsover.

Jess’sfaceisashenwhenshegetsintomycar.Islipmyarmaroundhershoulders,and

sheletsmekissherontheforehead.Heatragesinmybelly.Idon’twanttokissherlike

she’smysister.Iwanttopressmybodyagainstherandshovemylipsagainsthers,tasting

herdeeply.

“CanIaskyousomething?”JessasksasIpullontothehighway.Sheplayswithher

hairnervously,bitingherlip.

“Shoot,”Isay.IsthiswhensheaccusesofmeofkillingJake?

Jessturnstowardsme,foldingherlegunderneathher.“Hypotheticallyspeaking,can

youthinkofasituationwhereyouwouldn’tbeonehundredpercentloyaltothe

Mariano’s?”

Iclenchmybackteeth.“Idon’tfollow.”

“Like,”Jesscontinues,scrunchingherfaceinconcentration.“Like,ifitwouldbe

better,incertainsituations,totakecareofstuffwithoutthemknowing?”

“I’mnotlettingyoukillMonty.”

“It’snotthat.”

“Thenwhat,Jess?Justsayit,”Isnap.Idon’tmeantobeanasshole,butontopofallI

havetoworryabout,I’msexuallyfrustratedasfuck.“I’mnotgoingagainstthefamilyif

that’swhatyou’reasking.”

Jessturnsforward,crossingherarmsoverherchest.Ifeelliketotalshit.IwishIcould

pullover,hugher,kissher,andtellherit’sallgoingtobeallright.ButI’mafraidshe’ll

pushmeaway.

Backatherapartment,mycellphonerings.It’sAnthony.Igointothehallwaytotalk.

“You’llneverguesswhowepickedupatthebusstation,”Anthonysays.“Hadhimself

aonewaytickettoaflyoverstate.”

Ipressmyhandintothewall,cursingsilently.“Who?”Iask,playingdumb.

“MattfuckingWalker,”Anthonysays.Icanhearhisself-satisfiedsmile.“We’vegot

himhereattheconcretestore.Getdownhere,Snake.Wehaveworktodo.”

Click.

Imakeafistagainstthewall.Iwantsobadlytopunchaholeintoit.ButIstandup

straight,fixmytie,andgetagrip.Maybeit’snottoolate.MaybeIcansaveMattifIget

therequickly.

“I’llbebacksoon,”ItellJess,grabbingmykeys.

“Whereareyougoing?”Jesssays.

“Nowherereally,”Ishrug.Idon’twanttotellherthetruth,thenshe’llinsiston

comingwithme.Salvatoreexplicitlytoldmetoleaveherhomethenexttime.“Anthony

wantstograbadrink.He’sgoingthroughalotwithhiswife.Chemoandall.”

Jesssitsonthecouch,stretchingherarmsout,andinvitingmetosit.“Doyouthinkhe

canwaitahalfhour?Ineedtotalktoyou.”

“Wecantalklater,”Isay,hastilycheckingtheclock.Iwalkovertoher,andchastely

kissthetopofherhead.ThelastthingIhearishercallingmynamebeforeIwalkoutof

thedoor.

*

Mattlookslikeshit.He’stiedtoachair,barelyabletoholdhimselfup.Hehastwo

blackeyes.Hisrightcheekisswollenandcut.Fromthetrackmarksonhisarm,Icantell

he’sbeenabusinghimselfforthepastfewdays.Hewasprobablyalreadyweakbefore

theygottohim.WhenIwalkinside,Mattseesme.Heliftshisheadforamoment,and

blinksatmewithweakhope.

“Snake,hey,man,”Mattgroans,beforehisheadslumpsbacktohischest.

SalvatoreandAnthonyapproachme,leavingBrunotostandguardovertheircaptive.I

quicklycheckthetrackingapponmyphonetomakesureJesshasn’tfollowedme.

“Goodtoseeyouleftyourbetterhalfathome,”Salsays.“Nomatterhowtougha

chickclaimstobe,theyjustdon’thavethestomachfortheviolencewe’reusedto.”

Maybetheyhavemoresensethanus,Ithink,bitterly.

“How’sthequestioninggoing?”Iask.“Lookslikeyou’vealreadydoneanumberon

him.”

“Heconfessed,”Salvatoresays,quickly.

Icockmyheadathim.“Beforeorafteryoukickedhisass?”

Sal’seyesnarrow,sendingfreezingcoldlaserbeamsintomychest.Anthonytakesthe

gunfromhishipandpassesittome.

“Hewasyourfriend,”Anthonysays.“Hebetrayedyourfamily.Wethoughtyou’dlike

todothehonors.”

IlookatMatt.Thepoorschlubhasbeenheldhostagebyadrugaddictionformostof

hisadultlife.Nomatterhowhardhetries,he’llneverbeabletogetoffthedope.Maybe

I’dbedoinghimafavor,butIdon’tthinkIcanbringmyselftodoit.Unlikemypastkills,

Iknowforafactthathe’sinnocentofthecrimehe’sbeenaccusedof.

IgrabAnthony’sgun,pointingitatthefloor.“Thisisridiculous,”Isay.“Matt’stoo

outofhismindondrugstopulloffastuntlikethat.DoyoureallythinktheLombardi’s

wouldtrustajunkietodosomethinglikethat?”

Anthonyshrugs.“Allhehadtodowaspourpoisoninatequilabottle.Ifyouaskme,a

junkie’stheperfectguyforthejob.Theydon’taskquestionsaslongasyoupaythemwith

drugs.”

“ThiswillsendamessagetotheLombardi’s,”Salvatoresays.“Matt’sjustthefirst

rungontheladder.We’llbegoingafterLombardisoldiersnext.”

“Andstartanalloutwar?”Iask.“Weneedmoreevidence.Weneedtobesure.”

Salvatorestepstowardsme,plantinghishandonmyshoulder.Hisicyfingersdiginto

myflesh.“Comeoutsidewithme.Weneedtotalk.”

ChapterTwenty-Four

Jess

NowaywasIgoingtositatmyapartment,wonderingwhereSnakeis,orwhathe’s

doing.SnakerushedoutsoquicklythatIknewhisstoryaboutAnthonywasbullshit.Not

longafterSnakeleft,IcalledanUber,andhadthedriverdropmeoffafewblocksfrom

theconcretestore.Whilesneakinguptothesideofthewarehouse,sureenough,Isee

Snake’scar.

“Fuckingliar,”Igrumble.IfIwasn’tpetty,I’dgetthehelloutofthere.ButIwantto

seewhatSnake’slyingaboutsoIcanthrowitinhisfacelater.

Inthealleywaybesidethewarehouse,there’sahighset,narrowwindowthat’s

obscuredbydumpsters.Islideinthenarrowspacebetweenthedumpsterandthewall.It’s

sotight,Ihavetosuckinmystomachandholdmybreathtofit.Istandonmytiptoesto

lookintothewindow.

Theglassisdarkandsmudgedwithdirt.Icanbarelymakeouttheoutlineoffour

men;Sal,Anthony,Bruno,andSnake.Theystandnearadark,amorphousblob.Whatever

itis,theMarianomenseemveryinterestedinit.Theykeepgesturingtoandlookingatit.

Theblobmoves.Isquintharderatit,andrealizeit’samanraisinghishead,onlyto

havetoitfallagain.He’stiedtoachair.Itlookslikehecanbarelymove.

Whoisthat?Whathavetheydone?Whataretheygoingtodo?

Iclawmyfingertipsintothewindowsill,watching.SalvatoreandSnakestarttomove.

Irealizethey’reheadingtothedoorthatleadstothisalleyway.Ifranticallyslideoutofthe

tightspace,andduckbehindthesideofthedumpster,outofsight.

Thedoorclangsopen,andIheartheirheavyfootsteps.Istopbreathingandlisten.

“AllI’msayingisthatweneedtobeabsolutelysurebeforewestrikeatthe

Lombardi’s,”Snakesays.

Saldoesn’trespondrightaway.Thesilenceistenseandthick.Ihearalighterflick

open,andsoonsmellcigarettesmoke.Sallaughs,acold,dullsoundthatmakesmyheart

pound.

“DoesJessknowyoukilledherfiancé?”Salvatoreasks,casually.

IfeellikeImightfaint.Darknesscloudsmyvision.Istumble,catchingmyselfonthe

raggedmetaledgeofthedumpster.Myhandiswetwithblood,butIdon’tregisterthe

pain.Istruggletostayalert.Ineedtohearthis.

“Youdon’tthinkshe’dbeseekingrevengeforthatkilling,wouldyou?”Salvatore

asks.

“No,”Snakesays.Hisvoiceiscold,final.

“Gladyouclearedthatup,”Salsays.“Iwasn’tsureifitwasJess,orMattinthere.

Takemyadvice.Killthisguy,soeveryoneelsecanbesuretoo.”

Ican’tseeSnake’sface.I’mtooscaredtopeekout.ButIimaginehisdarkeyes

turningtostonewhilehismindflipsbetweenhisloyaltytotheMariano’s,ortome.I

wonderwhichonehe’llchoosethistime.

Theydon’tsayanythingelsebeforewalkingbackinside.Iholdmybleedinghand

tightlyagainstmychesttostoptheflow.Momentslater,asinglegunshotringsoutfrom

inside.Ileanagainstthecoldmetaldumpster,hollowontheinside,andtryingtoprocess

whatI’vejustlearned.SnakekilledJake.Hejustkilledanothermanwhoheknowsis

innocent.Hedidn’tkillMattfortheMariano’s.Hekilledhimforme.

Themonsterisloyaltome.

*

ItakeanUberbacktomyapartment,whereIbegintopackfrantically.Icanbarely

thinkstraight.MyhandstrembleasIshoveclothesandtoiletriesintoasuitcase.Idon’t

haveaplan.IhavenoideawhatI’mdoing.Ihaveavagueideaofdrivingupthe

Californiacoast,justdriving,andfleetingthoughtsofdrivingoffacliff.Icanfeelthe

weightlessnessasthecarsailsthroughtheair,andtheimpactasitsmashesintothe

choppyocean.

Jesus,Ithink,clutchingashampoobottle.Isthatmysolutiontoeverything?Toendit

allwhenIgettooscaredtofight.

Ishakeoffthesesuicidalfantasies.Ihavetogetoutofhere.Ineedtogoanywhere.It

doesn’tmatterwhere,justsomewherefar,faraway.Salvatoreknowstoomuch.Heknows

aboutJake,andmyclearmotiveforwantingMontydead.DoesSalknowMatt’s

completelyinnocent?ThenwhywouldhehaveSnakekillhim?

It’sprobablysomekindofsicktestofSnake’sloyalty,orawayofwearingSnake

downsohe’lldotheirbiddingagain.Iwouldn’tputitpastSalvatore.Theguygivesoffa

terrifyingvibe.Andthoseeyes-itmakesmeshudderjusttopicturethem.

Ikeeppacking.Ispinfromroomtoroom,tellingmyselftoonlypacknecessities.

ThoughI’mmovingarounditalot,itfeelslikeI’mjustspinningincircles.Myemotional

stateisn’tmuchbetter.Mymoodsswingfromincrediblyangry,todeeplydepressed.I

closemyeyesandsilentlyappealtoJake.

I’msorryIsleptwithyourmurderer.Ididn’tknow.

Butyouknewenough,abittervoiceresponds.

Ifindmyselfinthekitchenclutchingahandfulofsilverware.Myphonerings,

breakingmeoutofmytrance.Iduckbehindthecounter,asifthephonecanseeme.I

quicklysnapoutofthisdelusion,andreachintomypurse.

It’smydad.Ididn’trealizeitwaseightalready.

“Hi,Dad.I’mgreat.Everything’sgreat.”

NomatterhowhardItrytosoundchipper,myvoiceismonotoneandempty.Isound

likearobot.IswatmyforeheadwhenIrealizeIhadn’twaitedforhimtoaskhowIwas

doingbeforegivingmycannedresponse.

“Jess-“Dadsoundsworried.Hebreatheshelplesslyintothephone.“Iseverything

okay?Yousoundstrange.”

Ipinchthebridgeofmynosetokeepfromcrying.“I’mfine.Really.”Therising

emotioninmychestpinchesmyvoice.HaveIcompletelyforgottenhowtolie?

IhearDadsigh.“Jessica,”hesays,hisvoicesoft.ThelasttimehecalledmeJessica

wasatJake’sfuneral.Itbringsbackthememoryofthatdaylikeapunchinthegut.I

rememberthedressIwore,black,kneelength,withcappedsleeves.Iwaspregnantatthe

time,thoughIdidn’tknowit.I’dattributedthenauseatoallthestressIwasgoing

through.

BeforeIknowit,I’mcrouchingonthekitchenfloor,sobbing.Ittakesmeafew

momentstoregisterDadcallingmyname.

“Jessica,”heyellsinanassertivetone.“Tellmewhat’sgoingon.Rightnow.”

Iwipemyeyesandnoseonmysleeve.“IthoughtIhadeverythingfiguredout.Ihada

plan.”

“Oh,sweetheart.It’snotabnormaltohavemomentslikethis,whenthegriefcatches

upwithyou.Youhaven’tbeendrinking,haveyou?”

“No,”Isay,thefirstcompletelyhonestresponseI’vegiveninawhile.

“Okay,okay,”hesoothes.“Thisisjustabumpintheroad.You’vebeenthroughquite

alot.Butyou’vedonewonderfully,sweetheart.Yougotsober,finishedyourdegree,and

landedagreatjob.”

Mysobbingsubsides.Ileanbackagainstthecabinets.“I’vedoneitforallthewrong

reasons.Forstupidreasonsthatmakenosensetoanyonebutme.”

Dadcontinuescarefully.“DoyoufeelguiltyformovingonwhenJakecan’t?You

can’tthinkthatway.Jakewouldwantyoutobehappy.”

Byscrewinghismurderer?

Andnotjustscrewing,butdevelopingadeep,raging,redhotconnection?

Itakeadeepbreath,tryingtoregainmysenses.Ican’tworrymyfather,andhavehim

trysomethingcrazylikecomingdownhere.

“You’reright,”Iconcede.“Iwasjustfeelingalittlesad,Dad.I’mbetternow.”

“I’dbeworriedifyoudidn’tgetsadfromtimetotime,”Dadchortles.“It’sonlybeena

coupleofyears,whichisn’tthatlongintheschemeofthings.Itcanonlygetbetterfrom

here.Andmaybeoneday,you’llmeetaman,getmarried,andhaveeverythingyouever

wanted.”

EverythingIeverwanted.Whatisthat?WasittomarryJake,andliveasterile,

whitewashedlifeinmyhightowerwhilemenguardedme?OristhatwhatIthoughtI

wanted.WhatdoIwantnow?

Afterafewmorepleasantriesandfatherlyadvice,IgetoffthephonewithDad.My

emotionshaveleveledoffsome,andI’mabletothinkmoreclearly.

WhatwouldJakewantmetodonow?

Doesitmatter?He’sgone.I’mhere.AndsoisSnake.

WhatdoIwant?DoIwanttotastethesweetnessofrevenge,tomakethose

responsibleforJake’sdeathsufferasmuchasIhave?

OrdoIwanttoallowmyselftobehappy?ForgiveSnake,andseehowthingsbetween

usplayout.Maybeevengetahappilyeverafter.

DoIwanttokillSnake?OrfuckSnake?

Withoutaclearanswerinmind,Istartsearchingtheapartment.Snaketookmygun

afterIattemptedtokillMonty,andIhaven’tbeenabletogetitback.Buthehassomany

weapons,andI’veseenthemleftlyingaroundtheapartmentbefore.

Inthebedroom,ItossthroughthedrawersthatIreservedforSnaketouse.Idig

throughhissideofthecloset.Ilookthrougheverypairofpantsheowns.

Idroptomykneesandlookunderthebed.There,stillinaholster,isahandgun.

Igrabit.

ChapterTwenty-Five

Snake

ImakemyselfwatchasthebloodgushingoutofMatt’sheadbeginstoslowdown,

signalingthatthebeatingofhisheartisslowingdowntoo.I’mthankfulthathedoesn’t

lookatmewhenhedrawshislastbreath,rightbeforehiseyesfallclosed.

Themetallicsmellofblood,andthesmokyaromaoftherecentlyfiredguninmyhand

makemyheadspin.Salvatorecalmlywalksovertothebody,checksthepulse,thennods

toBruno.Wearingplasticglovesandacutuptrashbagoverhisclothes,Brunoslipshis

armsaroundMatt’schest,andheaveshimup,dragginghimtoaplasticlinedtrunkwaiting

outback.They’llprobablybedumpingMatt’sbodyoutinthedesert,whereIkilledJake.

NeveroncehaveIallowedmyselftofeelremorseforwhatIhavetodoforthisjob.As

asoldier,I’mjustcarryingoutorders.ThelivesItakearen’tonme.

Ican’tsaythatthistime.

IknewMattwasinnocent,butIkilledhimanyway.Itwasabloody,senselessthing.

Butwhatwasthealternative?AdmittoSalthatJessistheonehewants?NowayIcould

dothat.

Salvatorestandsnexttome,andplaceshishandonmyback.“Goodwork,soldier,”he

says.

Ilookathimbriefly.“Yeah.”

“Thatcouldn’thavebeeneasyforyou.Butyou’vemadealotofusreallyproud.

Comeon.Montywantstoseeyou.”

Inadaze,IfollowSalvatoretoMonty’soffice.Myheartpoundsloudlyinmyears.I

canfeelthebloodrushingviolentlythroughmyveins.Inhisoffice,Monty’swatching

somekindofsportingevent,soccerorsomething.I’mnotsure,becauseIfeellikeI’m

hurtlingoutofcontrolthroughadark,endlesstunnel.

Montytellsustosit,thenholdshishanduptoforustobequiet.Whenthegameis

interruptedbyacommercial,heturnstous,foldinghishandsonthedesk.

“So,isitdone?”heasks.

Salvatoresmilesproudly,pattingmeontheback.“It’sdone,Pop.”

“Snake,onceagain,you’veprovenyourloyaltytothisfamily,”Montysays.“Ithank

youforyourserviceandyourprotection.”

“Uh-huh.”Inod,numbly.

Montyleansforward,aslygrincuttingintohisface.“Althougheveryoneinthisroom

knows,thatcrackheadain’ttheonewhotriedtopoisonme.”Montylaughsloudly.Sal

nodswithacoldsmile.

“What?”Iask.Irubmytemples,tryingtomakethisallmakesense.“Youletmekill

Mattwhenyouknewhewasinnocent?”

Montyleansback,spreadinghisarmsoutandcockinghishead.“Withallthe

uncertaintiesthesedays,Ineededtomakesureyou’dfollowmyorders,likeatruesoldier.

Wouldyoukillsomeoneclosetoyouforme?Youpassedthetest,inasense.Thequestion

is,whoareyouprotecting,meorher?”

Thebloodrushingthroughmyveinsbeginstoboil.Igripthearmsofthechair,

levelingmyeyesonMonty.IfIhadanylessselfcontrol,I’dpullmygunonhimright

now.

“Youknowwhatyouhavetodo,Snake.”

Salvatore’scalculatingvoicepenetratesmybrain.Ibarelyregisterhishandonmy

arm.

“Jesshastogo,”Salsays.“Youhavetodoitforme,andforthefamilywhotookyou

inoffthestreets.Okay?”

Icontractmystomachmuscles,andclenchmyteeth.“Ofcourse,”Isay,nodding.“I’ll

doit.”

“Goodman,”Salvatoresays.

“Bringhertometonight,”Montysays.

Salvatoreregardsme.“No,Pop.Let’slethimfuckheronemoretime.It’stheleastwe

cando.”

Thecommercialsend,andMonty’sgamecomesbackon.Hegivesusadismissive

wave,andturnsbacktothetelevision.“Sure,whatever,”hegrumbles.

“Bringherinfirstthingtomorrowmorning,”Salsaystome.“Anddon’tlooksogrim.

You’llfindanotherpieceofass.”

*

IdrivetoJess’apartmentasfastasLAtrafficwillallow,breakingseverallawsalong

theway.SalvatoresaidIhaduntilmorning,butafterthestunthepulled,Idon’ttrusthim

foronefuckingsecond.Ishouldbegrateful,really.MontyandSalvatoreshowedmethat

myloyaltytothem,andviceversa,iscompletebullshit.Afterallthistimeofdoingtheir

dirtywork,Ihavenoideahowmuchofitwasbasedonlies.WhoelsehaveIkilledthat

wasinnocent?Icanneverbesure.

OnethingIamsureofisthatIwon’tletthemtouchJess,notonehaironherhead.I’ll

makesureofthat.AndIdon’thavetheshacklesofloyaltyholdingmeback.

IpeelintotheparkinglotofJess’apartmentbuilding,andrushupthestairs.I’moutof

breathbythetimeIgetthere.Thedoorislocked,soIusemykey.

“Jess,”Iyell,burstinginside.Idon’tseeherimmediately,soIstartlookingaround.

Herbedroomisempty.Soisthebathroom.

Wherethefuckisshe?Havetheygottentoher?

Istandinthekitchenandcallherphone.Ipleadwithhertopickup.Wedon’thave

anytimetowaste.Whilethephoneringsinmyear,Ihearherringtone.It’scomingfrom

thecouchinthelivingroom.

Mystomachdropswithdread.There’sherphone,sandwichedbetweenthecouch

cushions.Thescreenislitup,flashingmyname.

“Fuck,”Iyell,slingingmyphoneacrosstheroom.

Isitonthecouch,tryingtothink.Irememberourlastconversation.WhenIrushedout

oftheapartment,Ileftheralittlepissed.Maybeshewentforawalk,andshe’llbeback

soon.

Ormaybe,SalvatoregottoherbeforeIdid.

Ihearthecreakingofadoor.Iwhirlaround,lookingbehindme.Jessisemergingfrom

thelinenclosetinthehallway.Ijumpupandruntowardsher,callinghername.

“Jess,wehavetogetoutofhere.Packyourbags.Now.”

IstopdeadinmytrackswhenIseethelookinhereyes.Hereyesarehollowand

vacant.Herjawistight.Sheraisesherarmslowly,andIcomefacetofacewithmy9mm.

Ikeepmyeyesonher,andraisemyarms,showinghermypalms.

“Jess,putthegundown,”Isayevenly.“Weneedtotalk-“

“YoukilledJake,”shescreams.Theguntremblesinherhands.Herfingerispoised

overthetrigger.

“Hey,whoa.”Itakeacarefulstepforward.“Whereisthiscomingfrom?”

“Staythefuckback,”shewarns.“YoukilledJake.Don’ttrytodenyit.Iheard

everything.Salsaidyoukilledhim.Andthenyouwentinsideandkilledyourfriend.”

Mymusclestense.Mymindraces,tryingtofigureawayoutofthis.

“Youwerethere?”

“Yes,”Jesshisses.“Iwasthere.DoyouthinkI’dletyoulietome?Iknewthatstory

aboutAnthonywasbullshit.Ifollowedyou,andhidinthealleywiththedumpsters.”

Inod,rakingmyfingersthroughmyhair.“Ifyouwerethere,thenyouknowwhyI

killedMatt.Sotheywouldn’tkillyou.”

Jessraisesthegunhigher.“WhydidJakehavetodie?”

“HeblewupourconstructionracketaftertalkingtoanLATimesreporter,”Iexplain,

ascalmlyasIcan.“Hewasarat.Youknowthepolicywithrats.Theyhavetodie.It’s

howweprotectourbusiness.Iwasjustfollowingorders.”

Jesssneers,shakingherhead,herbreathfierce.“Yourpreciousorders.Yourinfallible

honor.Youkillamanyoudon’tknowbecauseMontytellsyouto.Andthatmakesyou,

what,noble?”

Itakeanothersteptowardsher,levelingmygazeather.“Jakegotwhatwascomingto

him.Heshould’veknownbetterthantofuckwiththeMariano’s.”

“Youblewhalfofhisheadoff,”Jesssays.“Yousewedhislipsshut.You’rea

monster.”

“Youknowwhatthisbusinessislike.You’veseenit.It’skillorbekilled.”

Jesstightensherhandsaroundthegun’shandle.“WhichoneshouldIchoose?”

I’vegottoadmit,themurderouslookinhereyesmakesmydickhard.MaybeI’mjust

asattractedtothedangerassheis.“Youkillme,youkillyourself.MontyandSalvatore

knowitwasyou,Jess.Ihaveorderstobringyouin.”

“Iexpectyou’llfollowthoseordersblindly.”

“No.Notthistime.Andeitherputthatgundown,orshootme.”

Jessisfrozen,thegunintheair.Istepforwardquickly,untilthebarrelofthegunis

pressingagainstmychest.Ileandown,lookingchallenginglyintohereyes.

“Idareyou,Jess,”Igrowl.“You’vebeenwetforrevengetheentiretimeI’veknown

you.AndIlovemakingyouwet.”

Westareateachother,neitherofusflinching.IseeJesstryingtofeelthefireof

vengeance.Shegritsherteeth,tryingtounearthit.Eventually,shegivesup.Shedropsthe

gun,thenfallstoherknees.I’mnottooproudtoadmitthatI’mincrediblyrelieved.

Icrouchdownbesideherandgatherherinmyarms.Herbodyissoft,vulnerable.She

pressesherfaceintomychest.Istrokeherhairawayfromherface,andwhisperintoher

ear.

“I’msorry,”Isay,knowingitwillneverbeenough.“IfI’dknownwhohewas,and

whatitwoulddotoyou,Iwouldn’thavekilledhim.I’msorryIruinedyourlife,Jess.”

Jesstightensherarmsaroundme,andtalkssoftlyagainstmysuitjacket.“Maybe

Monty’stoblameformylifefallingapart.Maybeyouareforpullingthetrigger.MaybeI

amforturningablindeye.Jakedefinitelyis,buthe’salreadydead.”Shelooksupatme,

blinking.“Ifyoudon’tbringmein,they’llcomeforme.”

Ihugherprotectively.“They’llcomeforus.Howdidyouexpectthistoend,whenyou

firstwantedtokillMonty?”

Jessshrugs.“IfiguredI’dbekilled.Ididn’tcarethen.Ididn’thaveanythingtolive

for.”

“Whataboutnow?Doyoucareifyouliveordie?”

Jessreachesupandclaspsmyface.Hereyesfillwithtears.Shenods.

“Whataboutyou?”shesays,wipinghertears.“Youtoldmeoncethatyounever

expecttoseethesunrisethenextmorning,thatyoudon’tcareabouttherisks.Doyou

carenow?”

Iclutchthesidesofherface,lookingdeeplyintohereyes.“Yes,”Ihiss,thenleanin

andkissher.JessclingstomeasIslidemytongueintohermouth,kissingherdeeply.

OnceIstart,Ican’tstop.Myhandsroamalloverherbody.Iyankherblouseoff,then

workherskirtuptoherhips.

Jessgaspsassheliesbackonthefloor,allowingmetoclimbontopofher.Myneed

forherisintensifiedbythefactthatIdon’tknowhowmuchlongerwehave.Thiscould

beourlastchance,ourlastnighttogether.

Ihungrilytastehertits,thenslideherpantiesdownherlegs.Frantically,Itakeoffmy

pants,andwithoutwastinganytime,Iplungeinsideofher.She’salreadysoakingwet.Her

bodyclingstomycock,tightandwarm.Itfeelssogood,thehorribleeventsofthenight

leavemymindfornow.

Itfeelssogood,shemustbemysalvation.

ChapterTwenty-Six

Jess

TheblackholethatswallowedmeafterJakedied,afterIlostthebaby,isstillthere,

hangingovermyhead,alwaysthreateningtodevourme.Ihavetoalwaysstayonestep

aheadofit.Don’tthinkaboutJake,don’tglanceintothatstrolleronthesidewalk,orit

willsuckmerightup,snatchingmeoffofmyfeet.

I’dfoundawayoutofthatholewhenIsearchedJake’scomputerandfoundhis

correspondencewithMonty.AninternetsearchledtotherevelationthatMontywasthe

samemanIsawinDr.Stone’sofficethathorribleday.Thegriefgavewaytoanger.

Revengebecamemymotivation.Withoutit,Iwouldn’thavegottensober.Iwouldn’thave

metSnake.Foralongtime,itwastheonlythingkeepingmealive.

Now,inmydarkbedroom,tangledwithSnakeinthetwistedsheets,IrealizeIdon’t

needitanymore.Irestmyheadonhischest,listeningtohisheart,risingandfallingwith

hisbreath.Thesnaketattooedonhisforearmiswrappedaroundmyshoulders.Igently

kissthetipofitstail.Snakerespondsbyturninghisbodytowardsme,andholdingme

tighter.

Thisiswhatguardsmefromtheblackholenow.Thisiswhatwillkeepmemoving

forward.Themoralimplicationsaside,Snakeismyonlychanceforsurvival.Andunlike

thethirstforrevenge,thismakesmefeelmorewhole.

“Weshouldrun,”Snakemurmurs,thengentlykissesmyneck.“Getawayfromhere,

andneverfuckingturnback.”

Mybodyflusheswithwarmth.Iagreewithhim,butI’malsosurprised.He’dturnhis

backontheMariano’ssoquickly,andjustforme?Itracealinedownthemiddleofhis

chest.

“They’reyourfamily,”Isay,myvoicesmallinthedarkness.“Ihavetogo,Iknow

that.ButIdon’twantyoutodoanythingyou’llregret.”

Heraiseshisheadfromthepillow,andgraspsthesideofmyneck.Hisfaceisinches

frommineashespeaks.“You’remyfamilynow.Andyou’renotgoinganywherewithout

me.”

Thewordssendashiverdownmyspine.Ipressmyforeheadagainsthis,nodding.

Beforewego,weneedmoney.Wehadn’tplannedonwithdrawingthefundsfromour

schemeanytimesoon,soI’mnotsureoftheprocedureyet.I’dplannedtoaskTobytoset

upawithdrawalsystem,butTobywon’tbeanyhelptousnow.Snakeisshirtless,wearing

onlyhisboxershorts,andI’mwrappedinasheetaswemakeourwaytothelivingroom.

Snakeopensthelaptop,andlogsintothebackendoftheShopSuitesite.Hefollowsalink

totheoffshoreaccount.IgaspwhenIseethatourbalanceiswelloveronehundred

thousanddollars.

Snakesquintsatthescreen.“Howdowewithdraw?”Hescrollsdownthepage.There,

atthebottom,isabigredbuttonthatreads“Collect.”

Itlookssuspicioustome.“Don’tclickthat,”Isay,urgently.

ButwhileI’msayingthewords,Snakeclicks.Alloftheairreleasesfrommylungsat

once.Idoubleover,clutchingSnake’sshoulders.Helooksatmewitharaisedeyebrow.

“What?”heasks.

Nothinghappensatfirst.IstarttothinkI’veoverreacted.Snaketriestoscrollup,but

thescreenisfrozen.Hetapsthekeyboardwithfrustration.Onthescreen,myemail

accountopensup.Anemailstartstocompose.Itattachesfilesfrommycomputer,every

filethathastodowithourscheme,withSteve’semailintheaddressbar.

“Whatareyoudoing?”Iscream,frantically.

“I’mnotdoingthat,”Snakeinsists.

Itallhappensinlessthantwentyseconds.Andwhoosh,theemailwiththe

incriminatinginformationissenttoSteve.Snakestaresblanklyatthescreen.

“Whatthefuckjusthappened?”heasks.

Istandupquickly,clutchingthesheetaroundme.Myheartispalpitating,andmy

palmsaresweating.Ipickuptheclosestthingtome,apillow,andhurlitacrosstheroom.

“FuckingToby,”Iyell.“Hesetupthistimebomb.Hewasplanningtofuckusthis

entiretime.”

“Andhedid,”Snakesays,coldly.“Frombeyondthegrave.”

Igrabmyhair,pullingitbytheroots,asIpacetheroom.Snakeissoonbymyside,

rubbingmyback.

“Don’tworry,Jess.Hejustsentittoyourboss.Wecantakecareofhim.”

Ipullback,lookingintoSnake’seyes.“No,”Iplead.“Please,nomoredeaths.”Iflash

backtothatnightinthedesert,Toby’swailsringingthroughtheclearnight,thenthe

terriblesilencethatfollowed.

“It’snotpretty.Butwehavetodoitforus.”Heholdsmeclosertohim.“We’reso

close,Jess.”

Ishakemyheadagainsthischest.IsthisthepriceIhavetopayforhappiness?How

manybodieswillittake?

“Wecantalktohim.Worksomethingout.You’renotworkingforthemobanymore.

Youdon’thavetokillforthem.”

Snaketakesmyfaceinbothofhishands.“You’reright.I’mnotkillingforthe

Mariano’sanymore.ButIwillkillforus.”

Iblinkupathim,mymindgraspingforsomething,anything,thatwillconvinceSnake

nottokillSteve.BeforeIcancomeupwithanything,myphoneringsfromthecoffee

table.Ileapforit,snatchingitup.

“It’sSteve,”Isay,clutchingthephonetightly.

Snakeholdsouthishand.“Giveittome.”

Iturnquickly,walkingseveralstepsawayfromhim,andanswerthephone.

“Jess.Whatthefuckisthis?Isthiswhatitlookslike?”Steve’svoiceishoarsefrom

sleep,butaggressive.“Whathaveyoubeendoingbehindmyback?”

Snakestandsclosebesideme,bentdowntohearwhatSteveissaying.Hishotbreath

travelsdownthebackofmyneck,makingmeshiver.

“Findoutwhereheis,”Snakewhispers,amurderousgleaninhiseye.

Ihaveanotherplan.

“It’sexactlywhatitlookslike,Steve.We’vebeenskimmingmoneyoffofwebsite

purchases.”

There’sarumplednoise,likeStevedroppedthephone.“Fuckinghell,”hegrumbles.

“DoesthishaveanythingtodowithToby?”

“Steve,Ineedyoutocalmdown,”Isay,assertively.“Listen,we’veamassedalotof

cashsofar.Let’stalk.Wecanworksomethingout.”

There’salongsilence.IfeelSnakebesideme,hispatiencestartingtowear.I’msure

hewantstoshootSteveandbedonewiththewholething.Buttherehastobeanother

way.IfI’mgoingtolivethislifewithhim,he’llhavetolearnhowtocompromise.

“Steve?”Iaskintotheemptysilence.

Acoldlaughpenetratesmyear.

“Youdon’tknow,doyou?”Steveasks.

“Knowwhat?”Isaythroughgrittedteeth.

Stevetakesadeepbreathin,thenexhalesforcefully.“Ihavetheaccesscodeneededto

withdrawthefunds.Itwasintheemail.Youhavenoleveragehere.”

Thewindleavesmysailsinaninstant.Mydelusionofpowerdisappears,andI

rememberI’mstandingnaked,wrappedinasheet,inthemiddleofthenight.We’re

runningoutofoptionshere.IlooktoSnake,andhisdarkeyesaffirmwhatI’mthinking.

“How’sMax?”Iask,casually.

IcanfeelSteve’senergychange.“Don’tmentionmyhusband-“

“IfIrecallfromourconversationattheChristmasparty,Maxworksatalawfirm

downtown.Ican’trememberthename,butitshouldn’tbetoohardtofindout.”

“Whatareyousaying?”

“YouknowwhatI’msaying,”Iinsist.“YousayIhavenoleverage,butIabsolutely

do.AndifyouandMaxtrytorun,we’llfindyou.Talktothecops,we’llfindyou.Catch

mydrift?”

“Isthatathreat?”

“That’sapromise.I’dsayaskToby,butyoucan’t.”

ThecornerofSnake’smouthturnsup,givingmearush.

“Weneedtheaccesscode.Tonight.That’showyoumakethisproblemgoaway,”I

say.

There’saheavypause.IimagineSteveconsideringthebrutalityoftheMariano

family,andwhatwillhappentohimifhetriestostrikeagainstthem.

“GramercyPark,”Stevesays,tomyinstantrelief.“I’llbethereinanhour.”Hehangs

up.

Istareattheblankscreen.Myfingersaretremblingfromtheadrenaline.Iremember

howIfeltwhenImuscledTobyintoworkingforus.It’safeelingalmostasaddictingas

alcohol.Snakeapproachesme,andkissesmeontheforehead.Hisbodyishottothe

touch.Helooksatmewithanalmostreverentlookinhiseye.Iknowwhathe’sthinking.

Hisqueen.

*

GramercyParkissmall,atinygreenoasisflankedonallsidesbyroadsandconcrete

sidewalks.Althoughwe’reafewminutesearly,Steveisalreadythere.He’sdressedin

darkclothing,waitingforusunderatree.MystomachtightenswithnerveswhenIsee

him.Onthedrivehere,SnakeandIarguedtheentirewayaboutwhethertokillhimornot.

IconvincedSnaketowaitandseeifitwasnecessary.Heagreed,butIseehisfingers

twitchingnearthegunstrappedtohiswaist.

“Here,”Stevesays,assoonaswewalkuptohim.Heshovesapieceofpaperintomy

hand,thenstepsback,eyeingSnakewarily.“That’sit,right?CanIgo?”

“Notsofast,”Isay.

SnakewatchesStevecloselyasIswipeopenmyphone.Ihavethewebpagealready

loaded,waitingfortheaccesscode.Icarefullytypethenumbersin.

InodtoSnake,lettinghimknowthecodeisgood.Thefundsarebeingtransferredas

wespeak.Snakeglancesatmyphone,justforasplitsecond,butit’senoughtimefor

Stevetotakeoffrunning.

“Lethimgo,”IcallafterSnake,buthe’salreadyhotonSteve’strail.

SnakegrabsStevearoundthewaist,thenflingshimtotheground.Steveliesonhis

back,coughingandgroaning.SnakeplaceshisfootonSteve’schest,pinninghimdown.

“Heknowstoomuch,”Snakehisses.“Wegotwhatweneeded.Nowhehastogo.”

Hishandgoesforthegun.IgrabSnake’swrist.

“Stop,”Isay,desperately.“Noteveryoneneedstodie.Therehastobeanotherway.”

SnaketurnshisattentiontoSteve.“WhatdidyoutellthecopsaboutToby?Didyou

mentionus?”

Stevetakesagaspingbreath,andstrugglestotalk.“Idid.”

Snakenarrowshiseyes,andgrindshisfootharderintoSteve’schest.Steve’scoughs,

andhisfacestartstoturnblue.

“Hecan’tbreathe,”Iyell.IpullonSnake’sarm,butthere’snomovinghim.Hestares

intenselydownatSteve,withthedeterminedlookofasoldier.He’sbeengivennoorders

tokillSteve.He’snotonduty.Butmaybehismurderousstreakdoesn’tneedtobetold

whentoact.

“Youdon’thavetoworry,”Steveyellsindesperation.“ThecopssaidToby’sdeath

wasanaccident.”

Forastrangemoment,I’mgratefulforMonty’spayofftoDr.Stone,whichiswhatI

imaginedhappened.ThesamethingIhatedthecapoforhassavedmyneck.

ButSnake’snotentirelyconvinced.WithhisfootstillfirmlyonSteve’schest,Snake

kneelsdown.

“Yourattedtothecops.WhyshouldIthinkyouwon’trattoyoursuperiors?”Snake

asks.“I’mnotworriedaboutlawenforcement.It’sthecorporatemobthatworriesme.

They’realmostasruthlessastheMariano’s.”

StevestrugglesbeneathSnake’sfoot,butit’snouse.WhileIwatchthescene,my

bodyfeelslight,likeI’mfloating.Iclosemyeyes,expectingtohearthesoundofagun

shotatanymoment.Then,amemoryflashesinmymind.WhenStevefirstfoundoutthat

IgotTobytocompilethecreditcardnumbers,hehadn’tthreatenedtofireme,orevenrat

tohisbosses.Stevewasworriedthathissuperiorswouldblamehim.

IforcemyeyesopenandrushtoSnake.Hejerkshisheadtowardsme.

“Wehaveto,Jess.”

“Justletmetryonemorething.”

IdropdownnexttoSteve,andstartsearchingthroughhispockets.Ilocatehiswallet

andscrambletomyfeet.

“You’rerobbingmetoo?”Steveasksfromtheground.“Isthereanylimittoyour

greed?”

Snake’simpatientglaremakesmenervousasIsearchthroughthewallet.Ifindwhat

I’mlookingfor,abankcard,andquicklyswipeopenmyphone.Myfingersflyoverthe

screen.WhenI’mdone,IholdthephoneinfrontofSteve’sface.

“Tengrand,”Isay.“Itwillbeinyouraccountbymorning.”

Steveblinks.Asmallamountofhopeisinjectedinhisexpression.“Hushmoney?”

“Sortof,”Iexplain.“Thismoney’snotcleanedyet.Ifyoutrytospendit,ortransferit

somewhereelse,it’llsetoffredflags.They’llcomeafteryou.”

Stevesquintsasheprocessesthisinformation.Idon’tlookatSnake,butIhearhis

breathbegintocalm.Suddenly,SnakeremoveshisfootfromSteve’schest.Stevebreathes

inquickly.

“Andifyousquealtoanyone,”Snakesays.“It’llbehardtoexplainawaythemoneyin

youraccount.You’recomplicitnow.”

StevewincesasSnakeoffershimhishand.Aftergettingtohisfeet,Stevelooks

betweenSnakeandme,hisgazeeventuallysettlingonme.

“Ineverwanttoseeyouagain,”Stevesays,angrily.

Isteptowardshim,myjawclenched.“Let’shopeyouneverhaveto.That’suptoyou,

ofcourse.”

Steveglaresatme,beforeaskingnervously,“CanIgonow?”

Snakenods.Stevetakesafewstepsback,beforetakingoffrunning.Iwatchhimuntil

hedisappearsintodarkness.Snake’swarmarmslithersaroundmywaist.

“Welldone,”hesaysagainstmyear.

Weshareaquick,envelopingkissbeforewegetmovingagain.There’sonlyacouple

ofhoursuntildaylight.Weneedtogetoutofthecity.Now.

Backattheapartmentcomplex,I’mrushingupthestairs,whileSnakelingersbehind

me.He’sstudyingthecarsintheparkinglot.Iknowwhathe’slookingfor,anditmakes

mepanic.

“Doyouseeanyone?”Iask.

Snakeshakeshishead.Hewasgivenuntilthemorningtoturnmein.Ihopethe

Mariano’skeeptheirword.

“Onlytheessentials,”Snakeissayingwhenwewalkintomyapartment.

I’mpreparedtodashtothebedroom,whenSnakestopsdeadinhistracks.There’sa

lamponinthelivingroomthatIdon’trememberturningon.Then,Iseehim,hislonglegs

inadarktailoredsuit,hiscold,hardhandsfoldedinhislap,andthatchillystare.

Salvatore.

ChapterTwenty-Seven

Snake

Iignoretheviolentcoldnessinvadingmybones,andstepfurtherintotheroom.

“What’sup,Sal?”Isay,extendingmyhandtohim.“Thisisasurprise.”

Salvatorestands,stoicallyshakingmyhand.“Iwasintheneighborhood.ThoughtI’d

dropby.Wherewereyouatthishour?”

Irubthebackofmyneck.“Just,uh,tryingtocatchthesunrise.”

WhileSalvatoreglancesbackatthesunnywindow,IgrabJess’hand.Herfingersare

icecoldandstiff.

“Whydon’tyoumakeussomecoffee?”Isay.

Jessnodsnumbly,thenmakesherwaytothekitchen.SalvatoreandIsitdownonthe

couchtogether.

“Thesunrise?”Salsneers.

“IfigureditwastheleastIcando,”Isay,keepingmyvoicelow.“Lettingherseeit

onelasttime.”

Salvatorenarrowshiseyesindisgust.“Alittlesoftformytaste.Doessheknow

anything?”

Ishakemyhead,quickly.“Iwanttokeepherinthedark.Keephercomfortable.It’s

easierthatway.”

“Good.”Heleansback,crossinghislonglegs.Hestaresatmeoutofthecornerofhis

eye.“Youhadmeworriedforasecondthere.Ithoughtyoutwohadmadearunforit.”

Ilaugh,maybealittletooloud.“Noway.I’maMarianoforlife.Youknowthat.”

“You’reright.Idoknowthat.”Sallooksupattheceilingandlaughs,grimly.“Ican’t

waittoseethelookonherfacewhenyoupullagunonher.Fuckingsmugbitch.”

“Iknowright,”Isay,playingalong.“Shehasnoidea.”

Atthatmoment,Jesswalksin,carryingtwomugsofhotcoffee.Sheeyesme

suspiciouslywhilehandingmemine.

“Thanks,sweetheart,”Salsays,acceptinghismug.

“So,yeah,we’llbebyaroundeight,”Isay,thentakealargeswallowofcoffee.It’stoo

hot,andburnsmymouth.

Salvatorecheckshisphonethat’slyingonthecouchbesidehim.“It’salmostthattime

now.We’llgotogether.”Heuncrosseshislegs,thenstandsup,lookingatJess.“MindifI

useyourrestroom?”

“Notatall,”Jesssayswithasweetsmile.“Downthehall.”

Shefollowshimwithhergazeuntilthebathroomdoorcloses,thenturnstome

frantically.

“Whatdowedo?”sheasks,startingtoshake.

Iburymyfaceinmyhands,tryingtothink.“Idon’tknow.Idon’tknow.”

“Weshouldkillhim,”Jesswhispersforcefully.

“No.”Ishakemyhead,staringintohereyes.“Ican’tdothat.”Therehastobeanother

way.

Jesspressesherlipstogether.“YouweresoeagertokillSteve.Whynothim?”

“Youknowwhy,”Isnap.Ihearthesinkinthebathroomcutoff.IgrabJess’hand.

“Justactcoolfornow.Iwon’tletanythinghappentoyou.”

Salvatoresaunterscoollybackintothelivingroom.Hepicksuphismug,takesasip,

thengathershisphonefromthecouch.“Iknowit’searly,butweshouldgetgoing.Ihave

alottotakecareoftoday.”Hejerkshisheadtowardsthedoor.“Comeon.I’mdriving.”

Salvatore’safewstepsaheadofusaswewalkthroughtheparkinglot.Hehas

headphonesinhisear,hisheadbobbingtomusicwecan’thear.Jessnudgesmyside,and

gesturestothegunstrappedtomywaist.Iglareather,shakingmyhead.

Itcan’tcometothis.Ican’tkillSal.Ithink,frantically,tryingtofindawayoutofthis.

MaybeIcouldjusttalktohim,reasonwithhim.IfIlethimknowhowmuchJessmeans

tome,he’lllethergo.

WegetintoSalvatore’scar,Jessinthebackseat,meinthefront.WhoamIkidding?

There’snoreasoningwithSal.AsmuchasIlovetheguy,he’sacold,calculatingmonster

whowouldn’tknowanemotionifithithimintheface.

Ican’tlethimtakeustoMonty.Theplacewillbecrawlingwithheavilyarmed

Mariano’s.Idon’tthinkIcangetbothJessandmeoutoftherealive.

Salvatoreisstilllisteningtomusicwhenhestartstheengineanddrivesaway.He

seemsdistracted.Islowlyshiftmyhandtoside,andwrigglemyfingers,tryingtofindthe

handleofthegun.Myplanistoscarehim,tothreatenhimsohe’llletusout.IhopeI

don’thavetokillhim,andI’mbettinghewon’twanttokillmeaswell.Butifthechoice

isbetweenhimandJess,IchooseJess.

Ifinallygetagriponthehandle,andstarttodrawmygun.

“Stop,”Salsays,notevenlookingatme.

Inaflash,hisarmextendsovertheconsole,andIseeaflashofmetal.Icanseeright

intothebarreltothebulletwaitingforme.Jessgaspsfromthebackseat.

Myfingersfreeze.ImakemyselfsmileasIliftmyhandsup.

“Whatthefuckareyoudoing,Sal?”Iask,withalaugh.“Isthissomekindofjoke?

DidyouthinkIwasgoingformygun?”

Salvatoretakeshiseyesoffoftheroadforasecond,givingmeachillyglare.Helifts

hisphonetohismouth,andripsouttheheadphonecordwithhisteeth,allowingustohear

whathewaslisteningto.

“Whatdowedo?”

“Idon’tknow.Idon’tknow.”

“Weshouldkillhim.”

“No.Ican’tdothat.”

SalvatoremutestheconversationJessandIhad,thenturnstomewithasicklygrin.

“Ineverthoughtyou’dbreakmyheart,Snake,”hesays.“Ialwaysconsideredyouto

bemybrother.”

“Salvatore,wait.Wearebrothers,”Isay,ascalmlyasIcan.“Let’sgosomewhere.

Let’stalk.”

IsneakaglancebackatJess.She’ssittinguprigidlystraight,herfacepale.She

doesn’tmoveamuscle,makingherseemfrozenintime.

Salrollshiseyes,groaning,likewe’reaminorinconvenience.“Ican’tbelieveyou’re

makingmedothis.”

Heturnsthecarupthewindingroadsofamountain.There’safewmansionsupatthe

verytop,butotherthanthat,it’ssecluded.Itrytotalktohim,toremindhimofeverything

we’vebeenthroughtogether,butSaldoesn’tevenacknowledgeme.I’veseenhimtreat

hisvictimslikethis,likethey’renomorethanabugbeneathhisshoe.

Hestopsthecaratthebaseofacanyon,thengetsout.Thepassengerdoorislocked

fromtheoutside,soIhavetowaitforSalvatoretoopenthedoorforme.Hereaches

inside,grabbingmyarm,andforcingmeout.Withthegunpointedatmyhead,Salvatore

pushesmeviolentlyagainstthecarandpatsmedown.Hefindsthegunonmywaist,and

thesmalleroneonmyankle,andtossesthemintothewildbrush.

“Staywhereyouareorshedies,”Salgrowls,beforeopeningthebackdoor.Jessisstill

inacatatonicshock.HerlimbsarerigidasSalforcesherout.

It’sadeadening,emptyfeelingtobeunarmed,andwatchinganothermantouchher

likethat.IwanttograbSal’sheadandripitoffofhisneck.Iwanttopinhimtothe

ground,andbeathisprettyfaceintoabloodypulp.ButIcan’tdoanything.Notyet.

Sallinesusupagainsttheedgeofthecanyon,neverloweringthegun.Finally,he

looksmeintheeye.

“I’mgladtohearyouwouldn’tkillme,Snake.Butthatwasayourfatalmistake.”

Mybloodturnstoleadasthedarkrealizationdawnsonme.JessandIaren’tgoingto

makeitoutofthis.Whathehadburnedhotandheavy,andnowit’sover.Ishould’ve

knownthatthingswouldenduplikethis.Whatwehadtoovercomewastoofuckedup.

Weneverstoodachance.

IwantthelastthingIseeonthisearthtobeJess.She’sbeentheonlygoodthingabout

myshittylife.Iturntoher,anddespiteSal’swarning,Iwrapmyarmaroundherwaistand

drawhertowardsme.

“Pathetic,”Salsays.“Yougaveupeverythingforher,Snake.You’reafuckingidiot.I

should’veleftyourassonthestreettorot.That’swhatIgetforbeingcharitable.”

MytouchseemstoawakenJess.Sheblinks,lookingatme,andhereyesquicklyfill

withtears.IwanttobeasclosetoheraspossiblewhenIdrawmylastbreath.IwishI

couldsinkmycockinheronelasttime.Igraspherbodydesperately,andatherwaist,I

feelsomethinghardandcold.

Agun.Mygun.The9mm.Salvatoreneversearchedher.He’smadethesamemistake

asothermeninJess’life.Heunderestimatedher.

“I’mgoingtokillherfirst,”Salvatoresays,almostgleefully.“ThenI’lldealwith

you.”Hiseyesfocusonme,narrowingwithpurehatred.HeturnsthegunonJess.“Geton

yourknees.”

Jesslooksupatme.Westareintoeachother’seyeswithsharedunderstanding.Igive

herasmallnod.WhileJesslowerstoherknees,Islipmyhandupherwaist,andgrabthe

gun.

IpushJessawayfrommeandpointthegunatSalvatore,firingawildbullet.Hefalls

tothegroundwithanechoingyell,grippinghisbleedingthighwherethebullethit.Helets

goofhisgun,sendingitscatteringacrosstheasphaltroad.Jessgoesafterit.

“Fuckingtraitor,”Salvatoreyells,writhingonthegroundinpain.“You’rescum,

Snake.You’renothing.Youcouldn’tevenshootmeintheface.”Hespitstowardsme.

“Coward.”

Jesscomesuponhim,aimingthegunathishead.“ShouldIputyououtofyour

misery?”

Iextendmyhandtowardsher,shakingmyhead.Salvatore’snotathreatanymore,and

Istilldon’twanttoseehimdie.

Salvatoresmiles,grittinghisteethhard,andwheezingthroughthepain.“Yourold

boyfriendwasn’tworthallthis.Hewasarat.Hehadtodie.”

Jessshakesherhead,steppingclosertoSal.“Itdoesn’tmakeanysense.Whywould

Jaketalktoareporter?Allhecaredaboutwasmoney.Hewouldn’tdoanythingto

jeopardizethat.Whydidhereallydie?”

Salvatorecraneshisheadback,laughingdarkly.Jessgrimaces,thenslamsthegun

acrossSal’sface.Bloodsplattersfromhisnoseandmouth.

“Tellme,”Jessyells,desperately.“TellmeorI’llkillyou.”

Irushuptoher,andgentlyonpushherarm,loweringthegun.

“Youdon’thavetodoit,Jess,”Iwhisperagainstherear.

Salshakeshisatme,spittingoutblood.“Fuckingcoward.”Hegoestowipehis

mouth,andwhenhetakeshishandawayfromthewoundinhisthigh,amassiveamount

ofbloodspurtsout.Salvatoreinstantlyturnsseveralshadespaler.

Ipanic.Eventhoughmomentsago,Salvatorewasabouttokillusboth,Istillcan’t

forgetallhedidforme.

“Fuck,”Iyell.“IthinkIhitanartery.”

Jessclutchesatmychest.“Weshouldleavehimheretodie.”

Icanseetherageglowinginhereyes.Iknowwhatshe’sfeeling,becauseIknowit

well.It’samurderousintentthat’soutofhercontrol.Itinfectsthemindlikeavirus.

Igripherwrist,hardenoughthatshedropsthegun,thenyankhertowardsme.Iwrap

myarmsaroundherwaist,holdingherinavicelikegrip.

“RememberwhenIdidn’tkillSteve,”Isay,aggressively.“Wedon’thaveto,Jess.”

Shetriestogetawayfromme,butIdon’tlethermoveaninch.Iholdhercloser

againstmychest,andwhisperinherear.

“Youandme,Jess.Wefinallyhaveachance.That’sallthatmatters.”

“Hewasgoingtokillus.”

“Andyoualmostkilledhisfather.I’dsaywe’reeven.”

Simultaneously,webothlooktowardsSalvatorelyingontheground.Hiseyesare

evenemptierthanusual.Helooksclosetopassingout.OnJess’face,Iseeherragebegin

toclear,andherhumanityregaincontrol.

“Weshouldgethimtothehospital,”Jesssays.

“Nohospital,”Snakesays,weakly,followedbycoughing.“TakemetoDr.Stone’s.”

InSalvatore’strunk,Ifindrope,ducttape,andcableties.Whatagoodscout.Always

fuckingprepared,Ithink.Iripoffalongpieceofducttape,andwrapitaroundhisthighto

stopthebleeding.Itlookslikeitwillholdfornow.IliftSalunderhisarms,whileJess

holdshislegs,andwecarryhimtothebackseatofthecar.Ijumpintothedriver’sseatand

rushoffofDr.Stone’s.

Ipulluptothebackofthemedicalcomplex.Withtheenginestillrunning,Igetout

andbeatonthedoor.Ablondewomaninscrubsopensthedoorwithatight,annoyedface.

ButoncesheseeswhoIam,thatannoyancedisappears.

“Wehaveanemergency,”Iexplain.

Sheglancesatthecarbehindme,toSalvatorebleedinginthebackseat.

“Waithere,”shesays,goingbackinside.

Afewmomentslater,thedooropensagain.Thistime,thewomanisaccompaniedbya

maleorderly.Iopenthecardoorforthem,andhelptheorderlyliftSalvatoreout.Jess

eyesmefromthefrontseat.

“Getin,”shehisses.“Let’sgetthehelloutofhere.”

“Wewill,”Ipromiseher,whilehoistingSalup.

Theblondewomanleadsusinsidetoanexaminationroomthat’salreadybeing

prepared.TheorderlyandIlowerSalontothetable.Salstaresupattheceiling,onthe

edgeoflosingconsciousness.HishandisascoldasdeathwhenIgrabit.

“You’regoingtobeokay,Sal,”Ipromisehim.“I’msorryitturnedoutlikethis.”

ThemusclesinSalvatore’sfacetwitch.Icanseehiseyesdarkening.He’sfighting

throughthefog.Heturnstome.

“Youfuckingprick,”hegrowls.“You’redeadtome.”

Heyankshishandfrommine.Dr.Stoneandseveralnursesentertheroomandstart

fussingoverhim.Istepawayfromthebed,mychestheavy.Sal’snotdead,buthemight

aswellbe.

WhenIfirsttookmyoathtotheMariano’s,neverinamillionyearsdidIthinkI’dgo

againstthem.Theplanwastobeadutifulsoldier,provemyself,andriseuptheranks.But

then,Ididn’thaveanythingelsetolivefor.Ididn’thaveJess.

IgiveonelastlookatSal,thenleavetheroom.Myfeetareheavy.Mystepsareslow,

untilIseetheblondewomanthroughtheglasspane.She’sonthephone,talkingseriously,

andkeepsglancingmyway.

She’stellingMontywe’rehere.Thatgivesmeakickintheass.Ibarreltowardsthe

back,andburstoutofthebackdoor.JesscallsmynamewhenIgetintothecar,butthere’s

notimetosayanything.Iputthecarindriveandpeeloutofthere.

“Isitover,Snake?”Jessasks,asIwinddownamountainroad,waytoofastforthese

brutalcurves.“Areweout?”

IwishIcouldreachforher,grabherwaist,andtellherthatyes,it’sallover.Iglance

overmywhiteknucklesonthesteeringwheel,lookingoutofthewindshield.We’reclose,

butwe’renotthereyet.

Ipunchthegaspedalevenharder.Jessclutchesherseataswewhipwildlyaroundthe

curves.Igritmyteeth.We’resoclosetotheopenhighway.Soclose.

Weroundacurve,andIseetwoblackcarsblockingtheroad.Islamonbrakessohard

myforeheadbangsagainstthesteeringwheel.Irubmyhead,bitingbackthetasteof

blood.

“Snake,”Jesssays,hervoiceaslightasair.

Igrabformygun,butwhenIlookoutattheroad,IseeBruno,Anthony,andafew

otherMarianosoldiers,allholdingguns,quicklyapproachingus.IfIpullmygunon

them,they’llraindownbulletsonusinainstant.

Theysurroundthecar.Anthonyforcefullyopensthepassengerdoor,thenBruno

reachesinandgrabsJess.

“Bruno,”Isaybluntly.“Don’t.”

Hedoesn’tevenlookatme.JessscreamsasBrunomuscleshertooneofthecars,and

forcesherinside.

“Fuckit,”Isay,goingformygunanyway.

There’sataponmywindow.It’sAnthony.Hegesturesformetogetout.Withmy

handonmygun,Ido.

“Don’tmakemeshootyou,Snake,”Anthonywarns.

“Theydon’thavetokillher,”Isay.“She’snotathreatanymore.”

Anthonypatsmeontheback.“Don’tworry,bigguy.We’reallreasonablepeople.I’m

surewecanworksomethingout.”

Whatthefuckdoeshemeanbythat?Asashowofgoodfaith,Anthonyholstershis

gun.Helooksatme,expectingmetodothesame.Idecidetoplayalong,soIdo.

“There’ssomeonewhowantstospeakwithyou.”Anthonytakesmyarm,andleads

metothesecondcar,theonewithoutJess.Heopensthebackdoorforme.InsideisFranco

Mariano.

“Hello,Snake,”Francosays,tippinghishattome.“Come.Joinme.Wehavebusiness

todiscuss.

ChapterTwenty-Eight

Jess

Inthebackseat,I’msquishedbetweentwogrimlookingmobsters.Brunoistomy

right.Icanfeeltheripplesofhishardmusclespressingagainstmyflesh.He’samassive

monolithofstone.IfImakeonewrongmove,Iknowhecouldcrushmeinaninstant.

Anthonyistomyleft.Ihaven’tworkedwithhimlikeBruno,soIbarelyknowhim.

Helookspensivelyoutofthewindow,butIknowhe’swatchingmeclosely.EverytimeI

somuchasflinch,hisjerkshisgazetowardsmemenacingly.

Inthesilentstillnessofthecar,Ifeelrawandvulnerable.I’dbeensurethatSnakeand

Iwereonourwaytofreedom,toourbright,happyfutureuntiltheystoppedus.I’d

allowedmyselftofeelrelief.Now,that’sgone.

WasJakeworthallofthis?Actually,that’snotthequestiontoask.Wasmygoalto

avengehisdeathforhim,orforme?TheangerI’dfeltwasforpurelyselfishreasons.I

thoughttheperfectlifeIdeservedwasviolentlyrippedawayfromme,andIwantedto

makethosewhowereresponsiblepay.

IthoughtIlovedJake.NowIknowbetter.

Idon’twantittoendhere.

Iclearmythroat,gettingbothoftheirattention.Astheirgazesshift,Icanfeelthem

closinginonme.

“We’llgiveyouacutoftheprofits,”Isay,keepingmyvoicelow.“We’vemadealot

ofcash.Please,letusgo.”

Theyrespondwithstoicsilence,makingangershootupmyveins.Howdaretheytreat

melikeI’mnotevenhere,whenI’mimportantenoughtobekilled.Iwantsnapatthem,to

spitontheirshoes.Butwhatwouldthatachieve?Iletmyangercontrolmeinthepast,and

it’sledmehere,ontheroadtocertaindeath.Ikeepmymouthshut.Idon’twanttothem

tokillmenow.MyonlyhopeisseeingSnakeonelasttime.IfI’mshotinthebackofthe

car,thatwon’thappen.

Wecometoastopinfrontoftheconcretewarehouse.AnthonyandBrunotightlygrip

bothofmyarms,andescortmeoutofthecar.Iscanthearea,searchingfranticallyfor

Snake.Whatifthey’vehurthim,oralreadykilledhim?

Thesecondcarcomestoastopbehindus.Tomyinstantrelief,IseeSnakegetoutof

thecar,unscathed.Andhe’swalkingfreely,withoutbeingforcedbymobsters.

Someoneelsegetsoutofthesamecar.It’sanolderman,someoneIrecognize.

FrancoMariano.

ThebosssmilesatSnakecongenially,andthetwoshakehands.

“Snake,”Iyell,asAnthonyandBrunomusclemeinside.

Iknowhehearsme,buthedoesn’tlookatme.Heactivelyavoidsmygaze,even

thoughI’mscreaminghisname.

WhatdidheandFrancotalkaboutinthecar?Mybloodrushestomyfeet.Maybethe

bossmadehimanenticingoffer,somethinggoodenoughtoturnSnakeagainstme,and

bringhimbackintotheMarianofold.Mybodygoeslimp.AnthonyandBrunodragme

forward.

ItrustedSnake.Andhe’sgoingtobetrayme.

IfeellikeI’mfloatingwhenweenterthewarehouse,andwalkallthewaythroughto

Monty’soffice.IcanfeelSnake’spresence,thoughIdon’tlook.Ihearhisfootsteps

behindme,heavy,determined.Howcouldhedothis?Didheevertrulycareforme?

“UncleFranco!”Montyexclaimswhenweenterhisoffice.“Thisisapleasant

surprise.CanIgetyouadrink?”

Francosilentlyshakeshishead,thenfindsaseat.MontyapproachesSnakewithhis

armsoutstretched,andclaspshishandstoSnake’sface.

“Myboy,”Montysays,withthesmileofaproudfather.“Iknewyou’ddorightbyme.

AndI’mgladthebossisheretoseethat.”

SnakelooksintoMonty’seyes,andgiveshimasolemnnod.Thisshoulddisgustme,

fillmewithwhitehotrage.ButIdon’tfeelanything.Idon’twanttofeelanything

anymore.Ijustwanttogetthisoverwith.

“Andyou,”Montysays,hisgazelandingonme.Hescansmybodywithhiseyes,and

beginstolaugh.“Myterrifyingassassin.Lookather.Thisiswhathappenswhenyouget

intobusinesswithrealmen.”Hesmileswidely,thentrailshisfingerdownthesideofmy

face,tomyneck.“Maybeweshouldhavesomefunwithyouwhileyourheart’sstill

beating,andyourpussy’sstillwarm.”

“Don’tbeafuckingpervert,”Francosays,bluntly,fromhisseat.HegesturestoSnake.

“Getonwithit.”

Forthefirsttime,Snakelooksatme.ThosedarkeyesarethesameonesIrememberof

thetroubled,broodingmanIfellinlovewith.Andwhetherornothislovewasreal,I

knowminewas.Ishouldyellathim,cursehimforhisbetrayal.ButIdon’twanthimto

thinkIhatehim,becauseIdon’t.Maybethisistheonlyway.Atleastoneofuswillget

outalive.MaybeIdeservethisforeverythingI’vedone.Myrecord’snotclean.There’s

bloodonmyhands,justlikeeveryoneelseinthisroom.

AnthonyandBrunoreleasemyarmsandstepaway.I’mleftstandingfrozenonmy

own.Snake’sfaceishard,andcompletelydevoidofemotion.

“Turnaround,”hesays.“Getonyourknees.”

Iblinkawaythetearsinmyeyes,andnodathim.Forabriefmoment,Iseeaglimmer

ofwarmthpassacrosshisface,thoughit’squicklyextinguished.Lookingdownatmy

feet,Iturnaroundslowly,thenlowertomyknees.

I’mready,Ithink,focusingonthetiledfloor.

Theguncocksbehindme,andIhearabulletshiftintoplace.Snaketakesinasharp

breath.

“Thisisforyou,Jess,”hesays.

Boom!

Iclenchmyeyesshut,anticipatingthebullethurtlingthroughmybrain.Butthere’sno

pain,justafeelingoflightness.Whitelightenvelopsme.There’sabuzzinginmyears.

Andsomeone’stouchingme.Someone’sliftingmeuptomyfeet.

IthinkI’mdeadwhenSnakewrapsmeinhisarms,andthathe’ssomekindofangel.I

collapseagainsthim,takingagaspingbreath.AsIlookoverhisshoulder,ashocking

shadeofredcatchesmyeye.

Montyisfacedownonhisdesk.Apoolofdarkbloodformsaroundhishead.

Snakedidn’tkillme.

Therealizationwashesovermegradually,andisimmediatelyfollowedbyintense

fear.Theotherswillkillus.Wehavetogetoutofhere.

Itrytorun,butSnakeholdsmetightly.

“It’sokay,Jess,”hesays.“I’msorryIhadtoscareyoulikethat.Montyhadtobelieve

itwasreal.”

Hestrokeshisfingersthroughmyhair,kissingallovermyface.I’mstillinshock,

tryingtoprocessitall.

Francorisesfromhisseat,andapproachesus.

“MissHunt,”hesays,removinghishat.“OnbehalfoftheMarianofamily,I’dliketo

formallyapologizeforthewrongfuldeathofyourfiancé.”

IturnbacktoSnake.“What’shetalkingabout?”

“Jakedidn’ttalktothatreporter,”Snakesays.“Montydid.HepinneditonJake.”

Francosighswithregret.“Withaheavyheart,Iadmit,theMariano’skilledan

innocentman.WhenitwasuncoveredthatsomeonetriedtokillMonty,Ididmyown,

independentinvestigation.Ilookedintoeveryoneattheparty,whichledmetoyou,Jess.

ButIdidn’tstopthere.ItookanotherlookatJake’scase.Itrackeddownthereporter,and

politelyaskedhertohandovertherecordedconversation.Ishouldhavedonethatinthe

firstplace,butIhadMonty’sword.Onthetapes,hewasclearlydrunk,andthoughthe’d

getluckywiththereporter,sohetoldhereverything.”

Ilistenblankly,waitingforthisinformationtosinkin.Jakewasinnocent,well,

innocentinasense.Hisdeathwasamistake,theresultofMonty’slies.Snakegrabsthe

backofmyneck,pressinghisforeheadintomine.

“DidSalknow?”Iask.

“Ithinkhedid,”Snakesays.“Hewastryingtoprotecthisfather.”Hegripsmetighter.

“Jakenevershould’vedied.Noneofthisevershould’vehappened.”

Inod,blinkingintothedistance.“Butitdid.”Myvoiceishollowinmyears,makingit

sounddisembodied.IlookupatSnake,anddeeplybreatheinhisscent.“Andwe’rehere

now.”

IfeelthetensionfromSnake’sbodyrelease.Heexhalesdeeply,andkissesmeonthe

lips.Therestoftheworlddisappearsaroundme.Theroadthatledushereiswinding,

bumpy,andfraughtwithmoralpitfalls,butit’sbehindus.Theonlydirectiontogoinnow

isforward.

Epilogue

Firenzeisalive,fullofmobsters,alldrinking,smokingcigars,andcongratulating

Snakeandme.Ilookaroundtheopulentlobby,theexpansivemuralsonthewall,andthe

bubblingfountaininthecenter.ThelasttimeIwashere,Icouldn’tfullyappreciatethe

beautyofthisplace.I’dbeentoobusyplottingtokillMonty.

Snake’sarmslithersaroundmywaist,pullingmeclosertohim,asyetanothergroup

ofhandsome,welldressedmenwishusAuguri!,whichmeans‘bestwishes’inItalian.I

gazeatSnake’swelldefinedfeatures,andmyheartfluttersalittle.ThelasttimeIwas

here,Iwasadifferentperson,bitter,hard,andclosedofftotheworld.Now,I’msofilled

withhappiness,sometimesIcanhardlystandit.

Tomorrow,SnakeandIwillbemarried.

Scanningthecrowd,Ispotmyparentssittingatatableinthecorner.Mymotheris

watchingthescenewithacuriousawe.Mydadistappinghisfootincessantly,whichis

whathedoeswhenhe’snervous.Everyoneatthisparty,withtheirslickedbackhair,

tailoredsuits,andguns,someconcealed,andsomenot,screammafia.Isneakakissfrom

Snake,andgoovertositwiththem.

“Havingfun?”Iask,sittingdown.

Momblinks,lookingaround.“It’sdefinitelyinteresting,”shesays.

“NeverbeentoanItalianweddingbefore,”Dadsays,takingasipofhisscotchonthe

rocks.Irememberthewell-wornpaperbackofTheGodfathersittingbyDad’sarmchair

whenIwasakid.Iknowexactlywhathe’sthinking.

Thecrowdpartsinfrontofus,andFrancoMarianoemerges.Hewearsatrenchcoat

drapedoverhisshoulders,afedora,andbitesathickcigarbetweenhisteeth.Icringefor

myparents’sake.FrancomightaswellhavethewordsMafiaBosstattooedacrosshis

forehead.

“Mr.andMrs.Hunt,”Francosays,extendinghishandtomyparents.“It’sanhonorto

meetyou.We’resopleasedtohaveyourJessicajoinourfamily.”

“Family?”Momsays,squinting.“IthoughtSnakewasanorphan.”

“We’reanadoptedfamilyofsorts,”Francosays.“IcanassureyouthatSnakewilltake

goodcareofyourdaughter.He’srisinguptheranksquitefastforsomeonehisage.I

foreseegreatthingsinhisfuture,especiallywithawomanlikeJessicabyhisside.”

Dadnarrowshiseyes.“That’simpressive,”hesays,suspiciously.

Francosweepshisarmtowardsthebar.“Please,drinkasmuchasyoulike.Dinnerwill

beservedsoon.”

Withagracefulbow,Francoleavesus.Dadlooksatthetableforamoment,fiddling

withhisglass,beforeturningtome.

“WhatkindofbusinessisSnakeinagain?”heasks.

“Concrete,”Isqueakout.

“Risinguptheranks?”Dadscratcheshischin.“Whatexactlydidhemeanbythat?”

“Hewaspromotedtomanagerrecently,”Isay.It’snotonehundredpercenttruthful,

butit’snotexactlyalie,either.Acapoisamanagerofsorts.Itakeadeepswigof

champagne.

“You’redrinkingagain?”Dadasks.

Ilaymyhandontopofhis,softeningmyeyes“Aglassofchampagne,thenight

beforemywedding,that’sall.”

Dadcrosseshisarmsoverhischest,sinkingintohimself.“Iseverythingaboutthis

concretebusinessontheupandup?”

Iraisemyeyebrowwithasardonicsmile.“Areallthebusinessesyouinvestinonthe

upandup?”

Dadbristlesatthis.“I’mjustconcernedforyou,aftereverything.”

“Youdon’thavetobeconcernedformeanymore,”Isay.“I’mhappierthanIeverhave

been.”

Heheaveshisshoulders,sighing.“Idon’tsupposethere’sanythingIcansaythatwill

makeyoureconsider?”

“Nope.”Ishakemyheadwithasmile.

“Doeshetreatyouwell?”

IcatchaglimpseofSnakeacrossthelobby.Hesmileswhenoureyesmeet,andstarts

towalkover.

“Betterthanthat,”Isay.“Hetreatsmelikehisequal.”

WhenSnakeapproachesourtable,I’monceagainremindedofhowstartlingly

handsomeheis.Withhisblack,tailoredsuit,toweringheight,andpowerfulbuild,he

certainlymakesanimpression.Ican’tbelievethattomorrow,he’llbecomemyking,and

I’llbehisqueen.

Snakegreetsmyparents,thenlayshispalmbetweenmyshoulderblades.Hisbody

heatwarmsmeinstantly.

“MayIstealyourdaughteraway?”Snakeasks.

“Idon’tthinkIcouldstopyou,”Dadsays.

Istand,andkissmydadontheforeheadbeforeleavingwithSnake.Hetakesmyhand,

leadingmethroughthekitchen,tothesmallroomtuckedawayintheback.It’sdarkand

quietinhere,aclearcontrasttothebubblingexcitementoutside.ThisistheroomwhereI

poisonedMonty’stequila.Ifeelasatisfiedwarmthinmybelly.Ididn’tgethimthem,but

wegothimintheend.

Snakepullsmeintohischest,hisarmshanginglowaroundmywaist.“Whatdoyour

parentsthinkofthiscrowd?”

Igiggle.“They’readjusting.”

“Wecantakesomegettingusedto.”Hereachesdownfurthertograbmyass.Thedark

lookinhiseyessendsashiverupmyspine.

“I’llsay.”Istrokethesideofhisface.Heleansinandgivesmeadeepkiss.

“Ican’tbelievethattomorrowyou’llbeofficiallymine,”Snakesays.

“Itdoesn’thavetobeofficialtomakeittrue.”

Hepressestighteragainstme,kissingmeagain.Ifeelsomethinghardinhisshirt

pocket.

“What’sthat?”Iask.

“It’sanItaliantradition,”Snakesays,reachingintohispocket.Hepullsoutsomething

metallicandpointy.“Thegroomcarriesapieceofironinhispocketforgoodluck.It’snot

exactlyiron,butitwilldo.”Heholdsitup,turningitaroundinthelight.

“Isthat-“

“ThebulletthatputMonty’slightsout.”Snakeenclosesthebulletinhisfingers,then

slipsitbackintohispocket.“Theendoftheold,thebeginningofthenew.Brunofoundit

forme.”

Snakelooksaway,hisfaceturningslightlygray.Iknowwhathe’sthinking.Bruno’s

hisbestman,butifthingsweredifferent,itwouldbeSalvatorefillingthoseshoes.We

haven’tseenorheardfromSalsincewelefthimatDr.Stone’s.Snaketriedtotrackhim

down,buttonoavail.

Snakeshakesitoffwithadevilishlycharmingsmile.“Youknow,it’salsotraditionfor

thebridetomakeasmallripinherveil.Forgoodluck.”

Ipursemylipsandglareathim.“NowayinhellamIdoingthat.Myveilisathingof

beauty.”

Snakelaughs.“Wedon’thavetokeepalloftheoldways.Somepeoplemightnotlike

that.”

“Whocareswhatotherpeoplethink.You’retheonegivingordersnow.”

Hetakesmyhandinhis,andkissesmyknuckles.“I’llneedyourhelp,decidingwhich

traditionstokeep,andwhichonestoditch.”

Hegivesmethatdark,intenselook.Iknowwhat’sgoingthroughhishead,his

fiendishdesires.Ismileathimcoyly.

“Whataboutthetraditionofthebrideandgroombeingkeptapartthenightbeforethe

wedding?”Iask,innocuously.

Snake’sfaceturnshard.Helooksdownatme,hislipspressedtogetherin

determination.“Ihaven’tletyououtofmysightfromthemomentImetyou.Idon’tplan

tonow.”Hegrowlssoftlyagainstmyear.“You’llbesleepinginmybedtonight,andevery

nightafterthat.”

Wefallintoawarm,all-encompassingkiss.Iclingtightlytothisman,Snake,my

watcher,myprotector,mypartner,myhusband.

Fromnow,untilforever.

TheEnd

DearReader,

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Hostage

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‘Hostage’CopyrightSamanthaCade2016

AllRightsReserved

ChapterOne

———————-

Mia

Pretend.

That’swhatIhavetodo.That’sallIcando.Inthissnake’sden,theycansmellfear,

senseanysmallvulnerabilitythatcanbeexploited.

Iwipetheinnocentdoelookfrommyface,tightenmyjawandlowermyeyebrows,

andpretend.Ipretendthatthesearen’tvery,verybadguys.Ipretendthattheungodly

amountofliquorthey’reconsumingisn’toutoftheordinary,andneitheristheguy

crushinguppillsineveryoneofhisshotglasses.Ipretendtheyaren’tkillersandthieves,

andignorethefreshgashthatrunsdiagonallyacrossthepillcrusher’scheek.IpretendI’m

notcertainthattheguywhodidthatisdead.

Itellmyselfthatthewarehousehiddenintheindustrialpartoftowndoesn’tgiveme

thecreeps.Thedim,hazyglowthathangsjustabovethecardtableisn’tforebodingatall.

Idon’taskmyselfwherethenearestpolicestationis.

Thisisallworthit.Justonenightwillpayforonemonth’srent.Justonenight.Andall

Ihavetodoispretend.

Thebartenderloadsupmytraywithshotsofvodka.Ihesitate,watchingtheclear

liquidrippleinthesmallglasses.Thebartendergesturesimpatiently.Iliftthetray

carefullyonmyshoulder,andteetertowardsthecardtableonmyimpossiblyhighheels.

IpretendtheskimpyreddressI’mwearingisn’tshowinghalfofmyass,andthatit

doesn’trideupevenfurtherwhenIwalk.Thegoosebumpsspreadingacrossmychestand

thetopofmyboobsaren’tfromfear,butthecolddraftsweepingthroughtheopenspace.

Icirclearoundthecardtable,slippingthedrinksinfrontofthemsoquicklytheydon’t

noticeme.I’mquietasamouse,invisible.Themenareengagedinastorytoldbyaman

withacleanshavenhead.Hiseyeslightupashemimesdraggingaknifeacrosshisthroat.

Theother’srespondboisterously,shoutinginthegrufflanguageIdon’tunderstand.

Mytrayisnearlyempty.I’vealmostgoneunnoticed.WhenIgettoPillCrusher,he

turnsandgrabstheshotfrommytray.Ishouldturnandgoquickly,butI’mcaughtstaring

atthedriedbloodthat’snestledinthewrinklesofhischeek.Hegivesmeasickening

smile,thengesturestothewoundonhisface,murmuringsomethinginRussian.

Ipushtheterrorfrommyfacewithaforcedsmile,andnodpolitely.WhenIturnto

leave,PillCrushergrabsmywrist,sendingtheemptytraytopplingtothefloor.Ipretend

myankledoesn’ttwistpainfullywhenhepullsmetowardshim.

Ibangintothesideofhim.Hetwistsmyarmaroundmyback,pinningitthere.His

lipsopenandclosewetlyashetalks,trailinghiseyesupanddownmybody.Ipretendmy

nipplesaren’tstandingstiffagainstthethinfabricofmydress,andthathedoesn’tsmirk

whenheseesthem.Ipretendhe’snotgoingtodragmeintothebackroom,liketheother

menhavedonewiththeothergirls.

PillCrusherreachesdownandgrabsabighandfulofmyass.Idon’twanttodigmy

nailsintothegashinhischeek.Heabruptlyshovesmeaway,andturnsbacktohiscard

game.Iretreatbacktothebar,pretendingI’mnotwhollyrelieved.

Ifiddlearoundthebar,tryingtolookbusy.OutofthecornerofmyeyeIseeDani.

She’samaster,aprofessional.Iwatchherchatflirtatiouslywithamanwithaspider

tattooedonhisface.Shetwirlsherlongdarkhairandbatsherlashes.Whenhemakesa

movetowardsher,shepressesherhandagainsthischestwithagiggle.Hewatchesherass

assheturnsfromhimandslinkstowardsme.

“How’sitgoing?”Daniasks,squeezingmyarm.Thebartenderslidesatumblerof

bourboninfrontofher.Shepicksitupandtakesasip.“Itoldyouitwaseasymoney,

didn’tI?”

Inod,pretendingIagreewithher.WhenIspeak,myvoicecroaks.Iclearmythroat

anddropthepretense.

Igrabherarmandwhisperinherear.“Dani,theseguysarescaryashell.”

Sherollsherdarkeyes.“Whatdidyouexpect?Itoldyouthiswasthemob.”

“Shhh,”Isay,myeyesdartingaroundtheroom.

Danilaughs,alight,tinklinglaugh.“It’snosecrettoanyonehere.”

“I’vejustnever…”MyvoicetrailsoffasIlooktothecardtablewherethemenhave

eruptedinloudyells.Thebaldmanstandsandtriumphantlysmashesabeerbottleoverhis

head.Blooddripsintohiseyesashebeatshisfistsagainsthischest.Iexhaleforcefully,

thenturnbacktoDani.“I’veneverbeenaroundthesekindofpeoplebefore.I’mnot

supposedtobehere.”

Dani’slipstwist,andhersmiledisappears.“Noneofusaresupposedtobehere,but

hereweare.”Shedownstherestofherdrink,thenslamsitonthebar.“CanItellyou

something,Mia?OnceIstoppedbeingthevictim,Iwasn’toneanymore.”

Iturntowardsthebar,ignoringhergaze.Whatshesaysdoesn’tmakesense.Idon’t

haveachoice,neverhave.ButIdon’ttellherthat.Dani’sbeencarryingmyassfor

monthsnow,payingmyshareoftherentwhenIcouldn’tcomeupwithit.TheleastIcan

doissuckitupandmakesomemoney.

Danisighsapologetically.“There’snothingwrongwithdoingwhateveryoucanto

takecareofyourself.It’sgoodmoney,reallygoodmoneyforanight’swork.”Shenudges

mysidewithherelbow.“Andyoucanmakeevenmoreifyou’rewillingtodosome

overtime.”

Myfacetwistswithdisgust.Iimmediatelywipeitaway,wonderingifI’veoffended

Dani.ShejustshrugshershouldersandwalksbacktoSpiderFace.

ChapterTwo

——————-

Leo

MyblackhoodieispulledlowovermyheadasIwatchthecardgamethroughthe

window.Ihavetobeverystill.Iftheysomuchassensemypresence,orglimpsemy

shadowyfigure,theywon’thesitatetodrawtheirgunsandshootoutthewindow.Luckily,

I’manexpertatbeinginvisible.

Everything’sexactlythesameasbeforeIleft.Thesamechairs,sameglasses,thesame

scuffedupwoodenfloor.Asinglecuestickisstillmissingfromthesetbesidethepool

table.ThecornersofmylipstwitchwhenIrememberwhereitwent,andwhatIdidwith

it.

Thepeoplehavechangedthough.AndwhatdidIexpectaftertenyears?UncleTonyis

alittlemoregrayandwrinkled.Vincechangedhishair.Thesidesareshavedclosetohis

scalp,andathickswathofblackhairsitsgelledontopofhishead.He’sbulkedupmore.I

don’trememberhisbicepsbeingthatbig.

Theonewho’schangedmostofallisMateo,myyoungestbrother.WhenIleft,hewas

stillakid.Now,he’safullgrownman,filledoutandstrong.Hiseyesaredifferent.

They’redark,intense,notbrightandhopefullikewhenhewasateenager,braggingthat

onedayhe’dleaveJerseytostartarockband.Hesworehewouldneverbeliketherestof

us.Thatwasbeforetheygottohim.Beforeherealizedthatthislifewasn’tachoice,not

whenyouwereasonofDominicRomano.

Mybreathfogsthewindow.IrealizeI’vebeenstandingherealotlongerthanI’d

intended.I’donlymeanttogetapeek,toscopeoutthesituationbeforeIwentwalking

intoit.That’sahabitIpickedupfromthearmy,anddon’tintendondroppinganytime

soon.It’sservedmewell,andsavedmyskinmoretimesthanIcancount.

ItoccurstomethatIcanturnandwalkaway.They’renotexpectingme.Forallthey

know,I’mcrouchinginaspiderholedeepinthedesertdryassholeofEarth.Mydischarge

wassounexpectedandswift,Ididn’tthinktotellanyoneIwascominghome.

Idon’thavetowalkbackintothat.

Iclenchmyteethatthethought,butIknowIwon’tfollowthrough.ARomanonever

turnshisbackonhisfamily.Maybeit’sthatoldsayingthatmakesmepullopenthedoor,

ormaybeIwanttosearchMateo’seyestoseeifthatsparkisstillthere.Somewhere.

Everyoneofthemreachforthegunontheirhipwhentheyhearmeenter.Inmymind,

IplotouthowI’dtakeeachofthemoutwithasinglebulletbeforetheyevergottheirgun

outoftheholsters.Iheareachshot.Boom,boom,boom,boom.NotthatIwanttokillmy

family,it’sjustanotherhabitthat’shardtobreak.

Thehoodfallsfrommyhead.Ifeeltheairfromtheoverheadfanagainstmyclose

shavenscalp.Theirhandsfreezeattheirholsters,andtheysquintatmelikethey’reseeing

things.They’refrozenforafewmoments,andI’mstartingtofeellikeanidiotjust

standingthere.Ispreadoutmyarmsandcockaneyebrow.

“You’rejustgoingtoletmestandherewithmydickinmyhand?Comeon.”Iswat

theairandmovetowardsthemwithopenarms.

“Leo,you’reback,”Vincesays,hisshockslowlywearingoff.Hestandsfromhischair

andwrapsmeinabighug.“Goodtoseeyou,man,”hewhispersinmyear.

Mateocomestome,stammeringandsmiling.“Ican’tbelieveit.Isthatreallyyou?”

Herubsthetopofmyheadtobesure.

“Wouldyoulookatwhatthecatdraggedin,”UncleTonysays,lumberingtowardsme.

Heopenshishugearms,thenwrapsmetightlyaroundmywaist.Allthemeninourfamily

arebig,andUncleTony’snoexception.Theguy’salmostsevenfeetandstrongerthanan

ox.Heliftsmeafootoffofthegroundwhilenearlysqueezingthebreathoutofme.

“LittleLeo.Welcomeback.”

UncleTonysetsmeonmyfeet,andIstumblealittle.“It’sgoodtobehome.Goodto

seeallyouguys.”

“Sowhat?Youonleave?Justfinishatourorsomething?”Vinceasks.

Ijerkmyheadtotheside.“Orsomething.”

Vincegetsthepicture,anddoesn’taskanymorequestions.Heturnsbacktothedeck

ofcardsandstartstoshuffle.

Mateoleansforwardonhiselbowsandlooksmedirectlyinmyeyes.“How’sitgoing

overthere?Youkickingtheirass?”

Igrabashotofbourbonthat’ssittingonthetableandgulpitdown.“Allday,

everyday,”Isay.

“That’sawesome,man.”Mateoleanstowardsme.“Howmanyhaveyoukilled?”

Igetthatquestionallthetime,andit’satrickyonetoanswer.Thebestthingtodois

givetheaskerwhattheywanttohear.Inthiscase,italsohappenstobethetruth.

“Lostcount,”Isaywithacockyshrug.

Mateositsbackinhischair,noddingapprovingly.He’salwayslookeduptome,and

theaweinhiseyesisfamiliar.

“LookatmyLittleLeo,”UncleTonysays.Hepinchesmycheek.“ArealAmerican

hero.”

“Stop,stop,”Isay,pushinghimaway.“Domeafavor,andactlikeIneverleft.Vince,

dealmein.AndwherecanIgetabeeraroundhere?”

Ilookaroundthetableexpectantly,butthetonehassuddenlychanged.Vinceand

Mateohavegonesilent,andarestaringatsomethingbehindme.

“Leo,thatyou?”

Iturnaroundandseemyfatherstandingthere.Eventhoughhe’snotloud,he’salarger

thanlifekindofguy.Hefillsaroomwithhissizeandtheintensityofhispresence.That

muchhasn’tchanged,thoughhisshouldersarealittlehunchednow.Despitethat,andthe

grayingaroundhistemple,hestillhadtheabilitytoterrifyamanwithjustonelook.

“Hey,Pop,”Isay,standingup.“Itisme.”

Iknowbetterthantogoinforahug.Withasmileonmyface,Iwaitforhim.Henods,

thenturnstowardshisoffice.Heflickshishandbehindhim,signalingformetofollow.

“I’llgetinonthenextgame,”Isaytomybrothers.

Popopensthedoortohisoffice,andallowsmetogoinsidefirst.Heclosesit,then

takeshistimewalkingaroundinfrontofme.Hestaresatmeforafewmoments.His

heavybreathingistheonlysoundintheroom.Hislipsspreadintoatightsmile,andhe

slamshisbroadhanddownonmyshoulder.

“Leo,Leo,”hesays,lookingintomyeyes.“I’msogladyou’rehome.”Heslipshis

armaroundmyshoulder,anddrawsmeinforahug.

“Thanks,Pop,”Isay.

Poppullsback,smacksmybackacoupleoftimes,thensitsbehindhisdesk.He

gesturesformetositontheleathercouchinfront.

“So,howlongwillyoubevisiting?”Popasks,leaningbackinhischair.

Ileanforward,rubbingmypalmsonmyjeans.“Notavisit.I’mbackforgood.”

“Huh,Isee.Youadeserterorsomething?”

“No,”Isay,quickly.“Itwasanhonorabledischarge.”

“Honorable,”herepeats,rollingthewordaroundonhistongue.Heraiseshis

shoulders.“Forwhat?”

Unlikemybrothers,IknowPopisn’tgoingtoletmegetawaywithouttellinghimthe

wholetruth.Idecidenottodragitoutanylonger.

“Aftermylastpsycheval,theydecidedthetourIjustfinishedshouldbemylast.”

Popchuckles,noddingslowlytohimself.“Youcouldn’thandlebeingasniper,huh?”

Ilowermyforeheadtowardshim.“No.It’snotthatthekillingaffectedmetoomuch.

Itwasn’taffectingmeatall.”

Pop’seyesnarrow.Helooksatmewithadmiration,andsomethingelse.Fear,maybe?

“Listen,”Isay.“Onmywayfromthebusstop,IsawsomeonesellingonThirdand

Banker.Itwasn’toneofourguys.HelookedlikeaRuskie.”

Ibracemyself,expectingPoptobeincensedatthisnews.Instead,hedrumshis

fingertipsagainsthisdesk,andturnshislipsdownward.

“Youwantmetotakecareofit?”Isay.“Icangodownthererightnow,scarethelittle

prickoff.”

“That’snotnecessary.”

“Whatdoyoumeanit’snotnecessary?That’sourturf.”

Popflitshiseyesuptome,thenlooksdownathisdesk.“It’snotoursanymore.”

Ijumpupfromthechair,fueledbyrage.“Likehellitisn’t.”

“Leo,settledown.”Popholdshishandsup,showingmehispalms.Iglaredownat

him,wonderingifhe’slosthisedgeafteralltheseyears.Hepullsacigarfromhisdesk

drawerandbitestheend.“You’vebeengonealongtime.Thing’shavechanged.That’s

theirterritorynow.”

“Likehellitis.”

“Weworkedoutadeal.Endedthatsenselesswar.”

Imakeafistandplantitonhisdesk.“YoumeanthesenselesswarthatkilledNico?

Haveyouforgottenaboutthat?”

Popstandsslowlytohisfullheight.Myfatherusedtoseemlikeatoweringgiantto

me.Now,wecanlookateachothereyetoeye.

“Ihaven’tforgotten,”hesays,pokingmeinthechest.“Nicoisn’ttheonlyonewelost.

Alotagoodguysdiedfightingforourfamily’spride.Isaid,nomore,andendedit.While

youweregone,Iwashere,makingthetoughdecisions.”

Mylipscurlinward,baringmyteeth.“WhileIwasgone,Iwasservingmycountry.”

Poptakesasteptowardsme.Hiseyesnarrowtoslits.“Whileyouweregone,you

weren’tservingthisfamily.”

Welockeyes,bothwithhardexpressions,daringtheothertomakeamove.The

momentdissolveswhenVincewalksintotheoffice.

“Leo,wow,Istillcan’tbelieveyou’rehere,”Vincesays,shakinghishead.

IbreakmygazefromPopandstepaway.Vinceiscarryingablackbriefcase.

“Anyway,Pop,”Vincesays,checkinghiswatch.“It’salmostten-thirty.”

“Oh,yeah,sure,”Popsaysgruffly.Hesitsbehindhisdeskandstartsrufflingthrough

drawers.Hepullsoutapackagewrappedinpaper.Itlookslikeabrickofcash.WhenPop

looksupandseesmestaring,hewavesmeaway.

Backatthecardtable,UncleTonyhasfallenasleep.Hishandsarefoldedonhis

massivebelly,andhisheadiscranedback.Hesnoresandmumblesinhissleep.Mateohas

thedeckofcards,andhe’sshufflingthemfuriously.Isitdownnexttohimandpathis

back.

“Mateo,howyoubeen?”Iask.“Whatyoubeenupto?”

Mateoshrugswithacockysmirk.“Beatingguystoapulp,crushingpussy.Youknow,

theusual.”

Ican’thelpbutlaugh.Idoubleover,wipingthetearsfrommyface.“You?Crushing

pussy?Theguywhocouldn’tgetadateinhighschool?”Icranemyheadback,laughing

more.

Mateogivesmeapatronizingsmile.“Thatwasalongtimeago,bro.”Heholdsuphis

fistsandshowsmethebruisingaroundhisknuckle.“Youseethat?Thisrightherecan

makeanygirldropherpanties.Oncetheyknowyou’reabadass,you’rein.”

“Oh,okay.Andyou’reabadass?”

Mateolooksatmeinawaythatchillsmyblood.“You’vebeengonealongtime,bro.

Alothaschanged.”

Afewminuteslater,Vincewalksoutcarryingtheblackbriefcase.Iwalkuptohim

whilehe’sputtingonhiscoat.

“Whereyougoing?”Iask.“Youneedbackup?”

“Nah,”hesays,shakinghishead.“Justalittlebusiness.Shouldn’ttakelong.”

“I’mcomingalong.”

“No,really.That’sokay.Youjustgotback.Relax.Haveabeer.We’llhangoutwhenI

getback.”Heflashesmethatcharmingsmilethat’salwaysworkedontheladies.ButI’m

notfallingforit.

“Whoareyoupayingoff?”Iask.

Vincegivesmeapainedlook.“Listen,youshouldn’tgetinthemiddleofthis.It’sa

shakytruceasitis.”

“ThatwadofcashisgoingtofuckingAnton?”Isay.

“Whichiswhyyoucan’tcome,”Vincesays.“Youjustlookatthemwrongandthe

warstartsalloveragain.”

Itakeabreathtocalmmyself.“Fine.You’reright.Ijustgothere,andIshouldn’tbe

meddlinginbusinessjustyet.”Iopenthedoorforthebothofus.“I’llstayinthecar.”

Vincegivesmeanincredulouslook.

“Promise,”Isay.

Vinceheaveshisshouldersandstartstowalkout.Beforethedoorclosesbehindus,

Mateorunsouttojoinus.

ChapterThree

———————-

Mia

Idon’tthinkI’vetakenadeepbreaththeentirenight.I’mtooonedge.Anythingcan

happen.I’minaroomfullofdrunkenpsychopaths,withnumerousweaponscasually

lyingaround,soyeah,I’malittlenervous.Or,oneofthethemcouldturntheireyeson

me,anddecidetheywanttodomorewithmybodythanjuststareatmyass.

Istayclosetotheedgesorroom,avoidingeveryone’sattentionasbestIcan.Itseems

toworkforthemostpart.Themenaretooengagedindrinkingandcardstonoticeme

skirtingaround,andmostofthemalreadyhaveagirlintheirlapstofondle.Thatleaves

onlymetoservethedrinksthattheyneverstopdemanding,andI’mfinewiththat

arrangement.

TheonlyonewhonoticesmeisPillCrusher,who’snameI’velearnedisAnton

Nabatov.Fromthewaytheotherguysactaroundhim,Icantellhe’saboss,maybeeven

theboss.IfeelhimwatchingmeasIwalkbackandforthtothebar.Ifuriouslyhopethat

hedoesn’tgrabmeagain,andthistime,pullmeintohislapandnotletmego.

Buthedoesn’t.Allhedoesiswatch.Iworrythat’she’skeepingtabsonme.Ifheis,

he’sdefinitelydispleasedwithmyservice.Theothergirlsareflauntingtheirbodies,and

temptinghisguystotakethemintothebackroom.Whatifhedecidesnottopaymefor

thenight?Orwhatifhedecidestodosomethingworse?

Myparanoiastartstocatchupwithme.Istarttotremble,whichmakesitevenharder

tobalanceintheseskyscraperheels.Irushdownadarkhallwayandintothebathroom.I

closeandlockthedoorbehindme.Forthefirsttimethatnight,Itakeadeep,cleansing

breath.

“Youcandothis,youcandothis,”Irepeatundermybreath,tellingmyselftogetback

outthere.“You’rejustworkingyourselfup.”

Isplashcoldwateronmyface,notworriedaboutmessingupmymakeup.Thethick

eyelinerDaniappliedtomyfaceisalreadystartingtorun,andthebrightcherrylipstick

hasvanished,leavingonlythebordersofmylipsstained.

“Onenight.Onemonth’srent.”

ButI’mstillnotconvinced.Ican’tbringmyselftowalkoutofthatdoor.Notyet.I

walkovertothewindowandlookout.Thispartofthewarehouseispartially

underground,somyeyesarelevelwiththestreet.It’squietanddarkoutthere,sinceno

oneintheirrightmindwouldbehereatnight.

Iseeheadlightsapproachingupthestreet.Iassumesomeone’slost,oristakinga

shortcut.Ihopeit’snotmoreRussianmen,hungryforvodkaanddesperateyoungwomen

likeme.

Thecarstopsonthestreetinfrontofthewindow.Thedoorsopen,andtwotall,very

handsomemengetout.Seriously,theylookliketheycouldbeinajeanad.Theydon’t

lookRussian.Withtheirolivecomplexionsandthickdarkhair,I’dguessItalian.Asthey

getout,theinteriorisilluminatedbriefly.There’sanothermaninthebackseat.Helooks

liketheothers,andIassumethey’rebrothers.Themaninthecarissotall,hisheadis

hunchedslightlyforward.Hisshoulderssobroad,heseemstofilltheentirespaceinthe

backofthecar.

Thedoorscloseandthecargoesdark,butIcanstillmakeouttheoutlineofthemanin

theback.Theothertwowalktotheentranceofthewarehouse.Oneofthemiscarryinga

blackbriefcase.

Achillrunsupmyspine.Whataretheydoinghere?Isafightgoingtobreakout?Why

didtheyleaveonebehind?IshegoingtosurprisetheNabatovswithanattack?

Idefinitelydon’twanttoleavethebathroomnow.Notuntilthoseguysleave.Mylegs

arefrozenasIcowerbelowthewindow,lookingout.Ican’ttakemyeyesoffoftheman

inthecar.There’ssomethingabouthim,hisposture,orhisaura,thatgivesoffasenseof

danger.Now,afterthecompanyI’vebeenkeeping,thisshouldfrightenme.Butwithhim,

I’mdrawntoit.

Ihearthefrontdoorsofthewarehouseopen.Everyoneimmediatelygoesquiet.Ican

feelthetension,evenallthewayinthebathroom.IhearAnton’svoice,andanother

man’s,probablyoneoftheItalians.Ican’tmakeoutwhatthey’resaying,buttheexchange

ispolite,ifnotstrained.

Icontinuetowatchtheman.Myeyeshaveadjustedtothedarkness,andI’mjust

beginningtomakeouthisstrongjawlinethat’soffsetbyheavycheekbones.Hishairis

short,probablyshaved.Everyangleofhisface,neck,andshouldersisperfectly

symmetrical.Thelinescometotogethertomakeafigurethat’spowerfullystrong.

Iwishitwashiminhere,andnotthesemonsters,Ithink.Iwouldn’tmindhim

grabbingmyass.

Iburymyfaceinmyhands,wonderingwhyinthehellI’dbelustingaftersome

mysterymanafterthenightI’vehad.Ipeekbackoutofthewindow.Hisheadisturned

towardsme.Butthere’snowayhecanseeme.There’sverylittlelightoutside,andaleafy

bushstandsbetweenhimandme.

Hemakesasuddenmovement,makingmeyelp.He’sgettingoutofthecar.Myheart

poundsinpanic,butIremindmyselfthathecouldn’tpossiblyseemehere.Iwatchashe

hurriedlywalksacrossthesidewalk,andsuddenly,thishuge,hulkingmaniscrouching

rightinfrontofthewindow.

Iseemtoleavemybodyatthispoint.AllIcanfocusonishiseyes.They’redark,with

twofocusedpointsinthemiddlethatarelaserfocusedonme.

Bloodrushesinmyears.Itrytosnapmyselfoutofthistrance.Run,Iyellatmyself,

run!

ButI’mtrappedinhisintense,focusedgaze,andcan’thelpfeelingalittlelikeprey.

Whenheflashesabrilliantsmile,revealinghisperfectteethanddimplesinhischeeks,I

don’twanttorunfromhim.Iwanttogivemyselftohim,orbetteryet,lethimtakeme.

Herapshisknucklesagainstthewindowpane,andglancesdownatthelock.Inwardly,

Iscreamatmyselfnottodoit,butIhavenocontrolovermyarms.Iunlockthewindow,

thenthrustitup.Coolairrushesin,makingmeshiver.Themanleansfurtherinside.

“Hi,there,”hesays.

Hissmileissointoxicating,andhisfacesohandsome,IalmostforgetthatIshouldbe

afraid.I’mcomfortedbythefactthathe’llneverbeabletosqueezehishugebodythrough

thewindow.

“Areyouintrouble?”heasks.

Itrytospeak,butitcomesoutcroaked.Irealizemythroatisdry,andmymouthhas

beenhangingopen.Ishakemyheadquickly.

“I’mLeo.”Heextendshishandthroughthewindow.Ishakeit,feelingtherough

callousesonhispalm.Hishandissobig,itenvelopsminecompletely.“Andwhat’syour

name,sweetheart?”

“Mia,”Isayinbarelyawhisper.“MiaClemons.”Igivehimmylastnamenotforhis

information,buttogroundmyselfinreality.Iglancetowardsthedoor.Ishouldgetout.

Now.

Leotightenshisgriponmyhand,andpullsmeclosertohim.Mybreastssmash

againstthewindowsill,spillingmycleavageinthislow-cutdress.Leodirectshisintense

gazetomychest.Itfeelslikefingersrunninginbetweenmybreasts.Ibreakoutin

goosebumps.

“Don’tbescaredofme,”Leosays.Helookstothedoor.“Youshouldbescaredofthe

guysoutthere.Listen,climboutofthiswindow.I’lltakecareofyou.Getyouawayfrom

here.”

Ipullmyhandoutofhisgrasp,blinkingrapidly.WhatscaresmethemostisthatI’m

temptedtotakehimuponhisoffer.

“I’mfine,thanks,”Isay,musteringadefianttone.

Leostudiesmemoreclosely,likehe’ssearchingmysoul,lookingforanopeninghe

canmanipulateintodoingwhateverhesays.He’ssofuckingcocky,andit’sobvioushe

hasexperiencetemptingwomenintohisbed.Hell,withhislooks,he’sprobablygoodatit.

“What’sagirllikeyoudoinginaplacelikethis?”heasks.

Isummonmyconfidence,andstandupstraight.“Working.Whatdoesitlooklike?”

Themusclesinhisjawsclench.Hispupilsexpand.Imustbewrong,buthelooksa

littlejealous.Itgivesmeasmallthrill.

“Howmanyofthoseredshaveyouletsampleyourwares?”hespits.

Myjawdrops,andIscoffathim.“I’mservingdrinks.That’sit.Notthatit’sanyof

yourbusinesswhatIdo.”

Hisfacescrunches,andhelooksalmostoffended.It’sthereactionI’dexpectfroma

possessiveboyfriend.Leoseemstorealizetheabsurdityofthis,andhisfacerelaxesintoa

smile.

“Youseemsmart,”hesays.“Soletmeaskyousomething?Whywouldyouopena

windowforaguylikeme?”Hecockshisheadtoside,thenreachesformyarm.Against

mybetterjudgement,Ilethimtakeit.Hedrawsmeclosertothewindowwherehecanget

abetterviewofmybreasts.Idon’trecoil.Itfeelsgoodtohavehimlookatme.Anicy

chillrunsthroughmeashepushesthehairfrommyearandwhispers,“Maybeyoucrave

alittledanger?”

Irespondwithasharpgasp.Leo’ssmiledeepens,likeI’veconfirmedwhathesaid.

BeforeIcantellhimthatIhavenodesirefordanger,hisheadsnapstotheleft.Ihear

voicescomingupthesidewalk,probablyhisbrothers.Hebringsmyhandtohislipsand

givesitaquickkiss,thendisappearsintothenight.

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