Microsoft Word - Joicey-Cowen-Violet-Shadows-Dagger.doc

Hari: The Princes of Nilan’dane 2

Shadow’s Dagger

How can an assassin be Prince Belden’s safest choice? When
Prince Belden of Nilan’dane picked his husband at the traditional

gathering of men, known as The Choosing, he thought he had
made a safe decision.

Sent by a mage who plotted the downfall of the royal family of

Nilan’dane, Barli was supposed to get close to Bel’s family and
then kill them all. However, when Barli looks into the eyes of the

vulnerable Prince Belden for the first time, something changes,
and he knows he will never be able to do anything that would hurt

this man. But how is he ever to confess the truth of why he was at
The Choosing when Bel now carries his child?

Barli has to teach Bel that, though he is a prince, submitting to
Barli is what he really needs, and what Barli needs, is to believe in
Bel’s love.

Note: This book is written in first-person point of view.

Genre: Alternative (M/M or F/F), Contemporary, Fantasy
Length: 71,414 words

SHADOW’S DAGGER

Hari: The Princes of Nilan’dane 2

Violet Joicey-Cowen

EROTIC ROMANCE

MANLOVE

Siren Publishing, Inc.

www.SirenPublishing.com

ABOUT THE E-BOOK YOU HAVE PURCHASED:
Your non-refundable purchase of this e-book allows you to
only ONE LEGAL copy for your own personal reading on
your own personal computer or device. You do not have
resell or distribution rights without the prior written
permission of both the publisher and the copyright
owner of this book. This book cannot be copied in any
format, sold, or otherwise transferred from your computer
to another through upload to a file sharing peer to peer
program, for free or for a fee, or as a prize in any contest.
Such action is illegal and in violation of the U.S. Copyright
Law. Distribution of this e-book, in whole or in part, online,
offline, in print or in any way or any other method currently
known or yet to be invented, is forbidden. If you do not
want this book anymore, you must delete it from your
computer.

WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution
of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright
infringement, including infringement without monetary
gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5
years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000.

If you find a Siren-BookStrand e-book being sold or shared
illegally, please let us know at
legal@sirenbookstrand.com

A SIREN PUBLISHING BOOK
IMPRINT: Erotic Romance ManLove

SHADOW’S DAGGER
Copyright © 2014 by Violet Joicey-Cowen
E-book ISBN: 978-1-62741-652-8

First E-book Publication: April 2014

Cover design by Harris Channing
All art and logo copyright © 2014 by Siren Publishing, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be
reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including
electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without
express written permission.

All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance
to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.

PUBLISHER
Siren Publishing, Inc.
www.SirenPublishing.com

Letter to Readers

Dear Readers,

If you have purchased this copy of Shadow’s Dagger by Violet
Joicey-Cowen from BookStrand.com or its official distributors, thank
you. Also, thank you for not sharing your copy of this book.

Regarding E-book Piracy

This book is copyrighted intellectual property. No other individual or
group has resale rights, auction rights, membership rights, sharing
rights, or any kind of rights to sell or to give away a copy of this
book.

The author and the publisher work very hard to bring our paying
readers high-quality reading entertainment.

This is Violet Joicey-Cowen’s livelihood. It’s fair and simple. Please
respect Ms. Joicey-Cowen’s right to earn a living from her work.

Amanda Hilton, Publisher

www.SirenPublishing.com

www.BookStrand.com

SHADOW’S DAGGER

Hari: The Princes of Nilan’dane 2

VIOLET JOICEY-COWEN

Chapter One

Barlin

I loved the feel of the tile mosaic under my fingertips, so I trailed

them across the bumpy surface as I walked along the hallway,
skipping every third or fourth step and humming happily. Only about
a month ago, Mama and Papa put me in my own room, but neither
Zana nor I liked sleeping on our own, so I often snuck along to the
room we used to share and slept in my old bed.

Peeking around the corner, I didn’t see either of my parents, or

any of the servants. I quickly ran to Zana’s door and slipped inside.

“Mama’s gonna catch you, Barli. She hasn’t been in yet.”
I closed the door, turned, and frowned at my twin sister. She

might have been a girl, while I was a boy, but not many people could
tell which of us was which most of the time because we were almost
identical. Her face was rumpled from the pillow as if she had nearly
been asleep before I came in. She brushed her mop of curly blonde
hair back from her face so she could see me as she sat up, whispering
noisily at me from her bed. My hair hung to below my shoulders, like
hers. Papa kept trying to get mine cut, but Mama adored it and
wouldn’t let him.

Shadow’s Dagger

“What? But she came in and said goodnight to me aaaages ago.”
Just then, we both heard footsteps approaching the room.
“Quick, Barli. Under my bed! Told you that you were gonna get

caught.”

I raced over and dove for cover, scrambling in sideways to get as

far underneath as I could so I wouldn’t be visible.

“No! Please. Why are you doing this?”
The blood froze in my veins, and Zana whimpered in the bed

above me, at Mama’s scream. It had come from right outside the
room. Zana slid out of her bed, and her warm body wriggled in next
to mine as she edged under the bed with me. I tried to move over to
make room for her, but there wasn’t much space to be had.

There was a loud crunch as the door flew open, banging into the

plastered wall. I couldn’t see what was going on, only a pair of booted
feet moving into the room and Zana’s hair. Zana hunted for and
squeezed my hand tightly. Her breath came in quick pants of fear,
only a little faster than mine.

“Please don’t hurt my babies. They haven’t done anything. What

do you want with us?” The person Mama begged didn’t respond, but
another pair of booted feet came into view. Both pairs of boots were
black, worn, and dusty, but solid looking things meant to last a long
time. Two people then. Mama’s slippered feet looked small and
delicate beside them. Dark-red liquid soaked her left slipper and left
red, shiny smears on the floor. Is that blood? Why is Mama’s foot
covered in blood?

One of the sets of boots moved in our direction. A squeak of fear

escaped my sister, just loud enough to alert the owners of the closer
pair of boots. He knelt down to peer underneath the bed. Eerily pale
eyes looked at me through strands of straggly, unwashed, dark hair. I
smelled him then, too. The stink of stale sweat, horse, and a strange
metallic tone overwhelmed me. I did not recognise the metallic scent,
but it sent a shiver of fear through Zana and I, and she started
snivelling and crying. The man reached under the bed, groping for

Violet Joicey-Cowen

either of us. We shuffled back as far as we could get, trying to cram
ourselves into as small a space as possible, but he got hold of Zana
and she was dragged out, screaming and struggling. Pain exploded
through my head when she accidentally kicked me in the face. Then
she was gone.

“No. No. No. Mama, please! Barli! Barliiiii!” Her toes barely

touched the floor, but I could smell the urine as it ran down her leg
and puddled around them. Waves of hot and cold terror ran through
me, but I felt distanced from it at the same time, able to think. I did
not feel lost to it as Zana appeared to be.

“No boy,” one of the strangers grunted out, sounding almost

disappointed. My guts turned to water at his words, but I still did not
wet like Zana had. Why are they looking for boys? Once released,
Zana collapsed, sobbing onto the floor. The man crouched down
again and took another look at me. He made an unpleasant,
dissatisfied noise. “No boy.” He stood again, dismissing me.

A small part of me didn’t know whether to be relieved or insulted.

I knew Mama loved my hair and wouldn’t allow Papa to have it cut,
and I knew my twin sister and I looked a lot alike, but did he really
think I was a girl? I suppose we do both look a lot like Mama, and she
is pretty small. Not that her frame was all that small just then, rounded
out with our coming brother or sister.

Zana skittered toward the bed on all fours and then, whimpering

in her terror, back under it to me. I tried to comfort her with an arm
around her shoulders.

“No boy,” the man said a third time. This time he sounded

thoughtful, which scared me more. What is he going to do? I heard
the whisper of metal sliding from its sheath, and then Mama’s pained
gasp. “No boy,” the man repeated yet again, satisfied now. He and his
companion, who had yet to say a single word, both laughed. What did
he do?

Shadow’s Dagger

Mama moaned, sounding as though she was hurting. I couldn’t

see past Zana now, but I heard a couple of thuds, and then the heavy
sound of the strangers’ footsteps moving away.

We stayed where we were, listening to Mama’s harsh gasps and

moans, and the silence from outside the room, for what felt like a very
long time.

Eventually, I knew I had to go and see what was wrong with

Mama. She had gone quiet, but I could hear the soft noises of her
breathing still.

“Stay there,” I whispered, and crawled around Zana, forward to

the edge of the bed. Mama huddled on the floor with her back to us. I
crept over to her and reached for her shoulder. “Mama?” There was
no response. I shook her shoulder a little, and she rolled over onto her
back. “Mama!” Her eyes were closed, and she didn’t stir, but her arms
stayed clenched tight around the bloody mess of her stomach.

* * * *

My father died that night. As did my mother’s unborn daughter.

Yes, daughter. It had turned out that whatever reason they had for
trying to kill any boys, knifing my mother in the stomach had not
been necessary. Mama lived, but she was never the same. She was a
frightened, broken woman after that. She kept us both as close as she
could for a long time, terrified something would happen to us. I was
thankful Mama had never allowed Papa to cut my hair, and also for
Zana’s pet name for me. After that night, I insisted everyone call me
Barli, the female form of my name, not Barlin as they should. I kept
my hair long, and though I still wore boy’s clothes, I copied a lot of
my sister’s mannerisms. Most people began to think I was a girl,
which was just fine with me.

I vowed to find out why my family had been attacked that night,

and to get revenge on the people responsible.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

* * * *

Barli. Years later, and many miles away

The blade slid home, driving a noise from the man. The sound

would have escaped, but for my other hand covering his mouth. His
eyes were wide, pupils dilated in shocked amazement as if surprised
to meet his end. His breathing faltered and stopped. I stepped back,
pulling the blade free with a wet sound. The body fell to the ground at
my feet.

“Get out of here,” I said to the woman who whimpered and

grizzled off to one side, without looking her way. I did not want her to
be able to identify me too easily.

The man who I had just killed, had had her pinned up against the

wall, and had been in the process of tearing her gown off when I
walked past. It had been none of my business, but her pleas for release
had reminded me of my mother and I was moved to help. He had
swung around, coming at me with a knife, so I had pulled my own.
Probably thought I looked a richer and more attractive target than the
other woman. Fool. He hadn’t stood a chance. My knife had been
buried between his ribs before he even realised I had deflected the
meaty fist holding his.

The woman ran, sobbing and wrapping the torn pieces of her dress

around herself as best she could. I had to leave. It would not do to still
be there if she reported what had happened and I got taken in for
questioning.

I quickly wiped my blade off on the fallen man’s clothing and put

it away as I strode off. As I left the alley, my attitude and stance
changed. My walk slowed and I introduced a slight swish to my hips.
My shoulders rounded, and I relaxed my body. Glancing down, I
checked my dress for blood, and felt relieved to find it clean. Well,
except for a dusting of dirt around the blue hem, but that wasn’t what
I worried about. As I lifted my head again, I flicked my hair back, as

Shadow’s Dagger

if that had been my intention all along, rather than ensuring my dress
was not spattered in blood. There were other people in the street, but
no one looked my way, all too busy trying to remain unnoticed
themselves.

A bell rang in the distance and I huffed in mild frustration. I was

late. Oh well, the message was explicit. They wanted me for the job,
me specifically. If I was wanted that badly, they would wait.

I made my way along the last two streets to my destination. It was

an inn by the name of the Eristani Boar. I really didn’t want the
meeting to take place there. It was always possible my grandfather
would show up, as he tended to frequent any inn which bore the name
Eristani, and I had no desire for that part of my life to cross over into
this part—not right now, while I was negotiating a new job. It could
make things decidedly uncomfortable, and I would be distracted.

I sighed, looking up at the dust-covered wooden sign which hung

from a pole above the door. The thick layer of dust almost obscured
the picture of the small, vicious boar native to the jungles of Eristan,
to the west. The state of the sign hardly surprised me, considering
where the inn was.

I thought about that with half my attention while I pushed the door

open and walked inside. For all its problems, I liked Rativa. It felt like
home, as if I belonged, though I was rarely me when I was there and
always in one disguise or another. There were not many places I felt I
belonged anymore. I had no real home due to constantly travelling for
the different jobs I was hired for.

The door creaked shut behind me. The only light came from a few

lamps hung on the walls, and the air was stale. It was too hot outside
and there was no breeze coming from the sea, so the smoke and oil-
filled air in here probably never moved. Tables were scattered around
at random and uneven intervals, some partially hiding barely cleaned
up patches of blood on the floor, which must have been spilled in a
recent fight. Or maybe not so recent. I doubted the grime-covered
wooden boards ever got a decent clean.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

A few patrons hunched over their drinks, not even trying to hide

their interest at my arrival. Even if they had been able to hide that
they were looking, the feel of their interest crawled over my skin. It
would not be often that they even set eyes on someone like me, a
young, pretty, noble woman, let alone have her walk freely into their
domain. Well, wouldn’t they be surprised if they actually managed to
raise my skirts!

I walked over to the bar where a sour-faced woman glared at me

resentfully. I smiled at her, as though I hadn’t a care in the world. She
probably thought I was in here on a dare from friends, giggling at
each other in a carriage outside while they waited for me.

“A glass of Eristani milk, if you please.”
The scowl fell from her face. She paled, and her eyes widened as

they followed my fingers while I, apparently idly, drew a shape on the
filmy bar top.

“Ye–yes, miss. Um. Yes, of course. Right away.” I could not

blame her for her confusion, or her fear. The symbol I had drawn on
the bar had been a stylised dagger, my personal symbol. It told her
who I was and who I was there to meet. Her attitude toward me had
undergone a rather abrupt change.

She bustled off to the end of the counter and grabbed a dark-

brown bottle from a cupboard. I watched carefully. When she turned
around to reach for a glass from an overhead shelf, her eyes sought
out someone in a shadowed corner, and she gave them a shallow nod.
The faint shuffle of someone getting to their feet could be heard over
the noise of the milky liquid as it splashed into the glass. The rest of
the patrons had gone quiet. The woman slid the glass over to me with
a shaky hand, and then disappeared into a back room.

The mirror behind the bar was old and spotted. Like the floor, it

had been a long time since it had been cleaned, but I could still make
out a figure approaching me from behind. A glint of something caught
my attention.

Shadow’s Dagger

“You might want to put the blade away, or you will lose the hand

carrying it,” I remarked genially. The glint of metal disappeared, and I
heard the blade slide home in its sheath. “That’s better,” I said
cheerfully, turning to face whoever stood behind me. “I was asked
here. Let’s be professional about this, shall we? Who wants me, and
what is the job?” The rest of the room seemed to exhale a tension-
filled breath and go back to their own business.

“Had t’check.” The man was of average height, a couple of inches

taller than me, though a lot more bulky. He smelled. What was it
about most of the people I dealt with every day? Did none of them
know how to keep themselves clean? No wonder they had to hire
someone like me. Anyone they went after would smell them long
before they got close enough to do any damage. Beads of greasy
sweat clung to his forehead and upper lip. The smell hovering around
him was bitter and rank. If I had actually been the young woman I
appeared to be, standing here, I would have thrown up by now, but I
have seen and smelled so much worse in the years I have been doing
this that I barely noticed the details about him save but as facts to be
filed away.

“Check what?”
“Tha yous the one I’s t’meet. Shadder’s whatsit. Yous no ’zatly

wha I’s spectin’. Come on.” Wow. I had not heard that particular alias
mangled that badly before.

“Do you really think anyone would pretend to be me? Would they

dare?” He shrugged. “Where to, then?”

“No’ far. The person wantin’ yous needs thin’s privvy-like.”
“Fair enough.” I turned and flipped a coin onto the bar, picking up

the glass and downing its contents in four large swallows. Harsh
liquid burned a path down my throat, nearly taking the roof of my
mouth off along the way. Sharp bitterness tried to twist my mouth,
along with the burn, and failed. I smirked at the woman who had
returned to cower at the end of the bar so none of her other patrons
could steal anything. Not that there was much to steal. Her mouth

Violet Joicey-Cowen

hung open the tiniest bit—bet she never saw anyone swallow Eristani
milk that fast before. I repressed an urge to laugh, wondering if she
had ever had anyone order the drink because they actually enjoyed it,
as I did rather than as a mark of how tough they were as had become
common. The only others I had met who really enjoyed it were some
of the residents of Eristan, where the drink came from. Everyone else
seemed to find it a rather foul concoction. I guessed it was an
acquired taste, which you had to want to acquire. Placing the empty
glass back down, I turned to follow the man.

The feel of several pairs of eyes following my every move made

my skin itch. They openly stared at me, the other patrons in the bar,
fascinated. I quite enjoy my little excursions into the darker parts of
an already dark city, literally as well as figuratively, when I am
dressed this way. No one quite knew what to make of me. Anyone
trying soon found out, though.

I stayed a pace or two behind the smelly man while he trudged

along the street. True to his word, only a couple of minutes passed
before we turned into a narrow alley and stopped in front of a dark,
wooden door. He knocked twice, paused, then three times more.
Secret knocks? Really? Then I gave a mental shrug. I had been known
to use them myself in the past with certain family members.

A solid thunk rang out, following a metallic screech, as a bolt was

thrown back and the door opened a crack. After a moment, an eye
peered out at us. The owner of the eye then opened the door farther,
allowing us entry.

My hand shot out and grabbed the wrist holding a heavy metal

pipe almost before I was aware of the sudden movement.

“Are we going to keep going through this?” I asked, still cheerful.

“He already tried to have a go with a knife”—I nodded at the man I
had followed here—“and now you have a go with this.” I wiggled the
arm I still held tightly. “Can we just get on with it?” Releasing the
arm, I wiped my hand distastefully in an exaggerated manner on my
hip.

Shadow’s Dagger

“V’ry well. Tha way.”
I made sure to keep behind both men. As quick as my reactions

might have been, I was not an idiot. Purposefully allowing someone,
who had just tried to kill me, to walk behind me would be stupid. I
followed them into a large room where a blonde woman sat next to a
table covered in a pristine tablecloth and laid with a steaming tea set.
Both the woman and everything on the table seemed remarkably out
of place.

“You came. I’m so pleased.” Her voice was icily perfect and did

not sound pleased at all, but a cold smile hovered on her lips.

“As requested. What is it you want of me?”
“Well, well. You are not what I would have expected at all.” She

preened, as some women will when confronted with someone prettier.
One hand went to her hair, patting it down, and she straightened the
lace at her wrists.

Superficially, she looked rather like me, I suppose. Her blonde

hair was a little darker, and while mine was a mass of curls, hers fell
in a straight curtain from where it was bound back from her face. Her
nose was a little larger, though of a similar shape to mine. The blue of
her eyes was a little paler than mine, but our faces were roughly the
same shape. She would have been pretty if her face had contained any
life at all, but it was too hard for that.

“Would you care for some tea?”
“What is the job?” I shook my head, declining her offer. Not

stupid, remember? I didn’t think accepting anything to eat or drink
from her would be a smart move.

“In a hurry?” She fluttered her eyelashes at me. She needn’t have

bothered, as she wasn’t exactly my type. Does she know I am a man,
then? Or does she like…? It doesn’t really matter.

“Let’s go with that, if it will make you get on with it.”
“Very well, then. It’s a big job and it won’t be easy, even for

you.”

I had heard that before.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“If you do this, it will allow you to retire.” Does she have any idea

how much money I actually make?

I was the best at what I did, and had been doing it for a long time,

fifteen years now. But that was why she had called for me. Okay, I
have had enough messing around. I rarely had patience for people
like her.

“Who do you want me to kill?”

Shadow’s Dagger

Chapter Two

Barli

My new house was large, and I filled it with locally hired

servants. I had thought a lot about how I would proceed on my long
journey to Nilan’tori and worked out my plan. First, I disposed of the
few guards the woman had sent with me along the way. They had
probably been meant to ensure I did the job I was hired for, but I
refused to have people looking over my shoulder while I did it. For
the story I had created to work, I had to make it look as though I were
here to stay and could always sell the house again later.

I have not even set eyes on any of the royal family yet.

Apparently, these days they only rarely venture beyond the palace
grounds, or guard barracks which adjoined the palace, where there
were plenty of guards to keep them safe. I had heard, though, that one
of the princes had recently returned from a long trip.

Nilan’tori and Rativa. I could not have found two more different

cities if I had been trying. Except for Arix, but that was another type
of place again and there were reasons for that.

Rativa straddled the border between two countries which have

long ago given up on battling for control of it and left it to its own
devices. Rativa has its own laws, and rules itself these days. Its streets
are mostly narrow and dark, both from the close-set buildings and the
dark stone they are made of. It is dry and very dusty there, despite the
river running through the middle and the walls on the seaward side
catching spray from the waves. Hot air coming from the desert to the

Violet Joicey-Cowen

north dries everything pretty quickly. What isn’t covered by dust is
encrusted with dried salt from the sea.

Nilan’tori is much more civilised. It is the capital city of

Nilan’dane. With more green and growing things though the wide
avenues, it is pretty, much cooler, and the citizenry keeps the
buildings and streets clean—like their behaviour. The shadowy shapes
of the northern mountains can be seen in the distance. An air of
excitement hovered over all of Nilan’tori, lowering prices and easing
tempers. After spending time in Rativa, being in Nilan’tori was like
moving to some other world. Everyone was just a bit too happy and
smiley for me to be comfortable, as if they had been drugged or
something. I was not used to it and felt twitchy, and off. Though, I
had to think, I much preferred the cleanliness in Nilan’tori.

Notices have been put up across the city, and messages sent out.

The date for the Choosing has been set. Men who are interested in
trying to win the hand of one of the princes will have to present
themselves at the palace in one month’s time. They have been
gathering in the city for a few years, ever since the princes turned
eighteen, watching and waiting for the time when they will get their
chance. They are not the only ones. I will be going to this Choosing of
theirs, too.

That is the job I have taken on—get close to the royal family of

Nilan’dane and kill them, all of them.

No, I didn’t know exactly what they had done, nor did I

particularly care. Or at least I hadn’t, until I actually got to Nilan’tori.
The woman who hired me, Gara, had been so genuinely passionate
about the validity of her hatred for them and what they had done to
her that I had not needed to know much more at the time. It had been
enough for me to provisionally take the job, though I was always
going to check into them before I did anything irreversible.

It confused me, when I got to the city, that the population seemed

to really love their rulers. Little doubts began to niggle at me. I am a
professional, and had accepted the job, but I do not kill innocents.

Shadow’s Dagger

Maybe I had been too hasty in accepting this one. If I found someone
to be genuinely innocent, I returned any advance in my payment and
informed my employer I would not be completing the job. My own
family had done nothing to deserve what had happened to us, and I
refused to do that to someone else. If I thought it was warranted, I
sometimes warned the erstwhile target that there might be someone
after them. There were always plenty of jobs going where the target
fully deserved what was coming to them—me. Word had got out, and
a lot of the people who hired me actually seemed to appreciate my
integrity. It didn’t hurt that I was excellent at my job, and if I planned
on carrying out a job to completion, then there was no question that it
would be completed.

This “Choosing” of theirs, which would allow me to get close to

them, was a strange way to go about getting the next generation of the
monarchy. I wondered why it had started. I mean, sure, there could be
no doubt about whether or not a baby was really of their lineage when
the men were the ones who gave birth, but surely that wasn’t the
reason it had actually come about in the first place. Was it? There
must have been easier ways. And less painful ones. I shuddered. I
could probably find out eventually what had happened. I always did if
I set my mind to it and I was curious.

I felt a flutter of nerves I couldn’t account for as I got ready to

dress for the first day of the Choosing. I thought my clothes through
thoroughly and decided on pale-grey trousers and undershirt, with a
cotish overtunic. The long, cream-coloured, lace-up, split vest was
simple but well cut and should show off my slim build and fair
colouring well, while allowing me freedom of movement should I
need it. There would be plenty of overdressed men peacocking for
attention, and I did not want to be one of the crowd. I wanted to stand
out.

The carriage ride to the palace took a ridiculous amount of time. I

could have crawled there faster. By the time my carriage arrived at the
front steps, and one of my footmen hurried around to open the door

Violet Joicey-Cowen

and lower the step, I was inwardly screaming for something to
happen. Anything. Anything to alleviate the boredom. The noise of
the occasional creak and sway of the carriage moving forward a
length or two, and the stamping and snorting of the horses pulling my
carriage and the one behind mine were about all I had had to pay any
attention to, for hours. I felt ready to pull out my very carefully
arranged hair with frustration. I could not let any of it show, though. I
might have been alone in my carriage, but the windows were made of
glass and it would not be done to get caught acting as anything but the
pampered little lordling I pretended to be.

It shouldn’t have been a pretence. If the attack on my family had

not taken place so many years ago, I would have been the young
lordling I appear to be. My father had been high-Osuri in the province
of Persandin, and at twenty-five—my current age—I would have been
working with him closely. I would have been helping him with the
day-to-day tasks his position required of him, and been preparing to
one day take over. I might have even come to the Choosing anyway,
because I did like men. It was not often I allowed myself to feel
personal emotions, but when I experienced attraction toward anyone,
it had always been for men.

I have already looked all around the exterior of the palace and

barracks, having slipped into my leathers and out of my house on
several nights. This would be the first time I got a look at the inside of
the palace, though, and I was hyperaware of the positioning of all the
guards as I gracefully swished my way up the steps. I didn’t want to
act too feminine before I got a good look at the three princes, but I
still elicited a few odd glances from the guards as I passed them. They
were probably wondering what a man like me was doing coming to
the Choosing.

I looked—every inch of me—as though I would want whatever

man I partnered with to be the one in charge. If only they knew. I
have never given another man that freedom with my body. I am the
one in charge. Always. Any man who wants me, learns that swiftly, or

Shadow’s Dagger

is left wanting. I have never forced anyone. That is not in me. The
very thought of forcing someone into that and brutalising them in that
way repulses me. But giving up my control of every situation is not in
me either. Killing someone I have been hired to kill is one thing,
forcing someone into a sexual situation they do not want is something
else. Maybe that might not make sense to someone else, but it did to
me. I had my own ethics and I stuck to them.

The steps leading up to the doors were shallow, wide, and with a

gently rounded dip in the middle of each one. They were made of
massive, pale stone blocks, carefully layered. The passage of time,
and many feet, had worn the dip into the surface. The doors to this
entrance for the palace were simply enormous, and very old. The
heavy, dark wood was bound with metal and stood fully open, several
hands thick. There was a series of chains attached along the top of
each door, which ran through holes in the wall. I presumed they were
to open and shut the mammoth things. It would take many men to
open or close them by hand, even on swivel hinges, if it were even
possible at all.

The hall which I and the other men were walking into was

cavernous. Several hundred men had gathered here already, along
with more than fifty guards.

I was amused to see I had guessed right. Delicate silks, soft

velvets, brushed suede, and other fine materials adorned every man I
could see, all in bright, jewel-like tones or dark colours. The men
eyed each other up, judging their competition. I could see the interest
in their eyes when they looked at me, but at the same time could see I
was being dismissed as a contender for the hand of any of the princes.
We shall see. Maybe they thought if they got nowhere with the
princes they would give me a try. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. I
felt curious as to what they thought would attract the princes, and sure
that I would stand out far more in my simplicity than if I had tried to
outdo any of the outfits I could see around me.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

The chatter of the men made a fair amount of noise, and the sound

echoed up and around the high, domed ceiling. Many of the men were
older than I, though I was not the youngest by any means. Most of the
men present were big, with large, muscular frames. Normally I would
have been salivating at the array of men ready and waiting, but my
focus was elsewhere. My attention was on the layout of the room, the
number of guards, and thinking ahead to meeting the princes.

I did not know what I would say when I met any of them, thinking

it would be better to play it by ear than to sound overly prepared. I did
not want to prepare something and them meet them and be thrown
because none of what I had ready to say would be right for that
particular prince.

A while later, the boom of a large gong sounded throughout the

hall, asking for silence. We all turned to face the far end. Though the
men had ceased talking, I stood near the back and could not hear the
announcement over the sound of shuffling feet and the rustling
clothes of the several hundred men present. After a few minutes we
all began walking forward, like a gigantic version of the children’s
game, follow the leader. We were led along several corridors and
outside into a massive outdoor courtyard. With all the men in front of
me, I could not see much ahead, but I planned on taking my time and
getting to know the lay of the land before I made any moves.

That was, until I saw him. Olive skin, and dark, vulnerable eyes.

Long, dark-brown hair swirled more than halfway down his back. His
body was rail thin, too thin really for his build. Though the red
leathers he wore did their best to disguise it, I was used to seeing past
the obvious, and there was something wrong there.

He didn’t want to be there, that much I could tell quite easily. He

smiled and chatted as he made his way around the room, but I could
see that here was the last place he would ever want to be. I was not
sure what it was about him that told me. I could not have explained it
to anyone had they asked, but I knew. I watched and I waited for my
moment, captivated.

Shadow’s Dagger

I had observed the other two princes, both dressed the same, so I

knew he was one of them. One of the others was quite clearly in love
with one of the guards who returned his feelings, but followed him
around with a studiously blank expression. The other brother, the
small one with pale blond hair, looked as though he waited for
someone who hadn’t appeared yet, because he kept looking over at
the entrance to the courtyard every time someone new arrived with
hope, but his face fell a little more with each new entry.

I saw my chance about an hour later. I felt glad of the knowledge

that he was definitely one of them. I had hardened at my first sight of
him and had hoped he would be so I would get the chance to at least
talk to him. For now, all thoughts of the actual reason I had come, had
flown clean out of my head.

Two of the largest men who were there had cornered him, backing

him up against one of the outer walls. There were guards nearby, but
as neither of the men were making any threatening moves, the guards
did not interfere. I could see the panic in his eyes though. Stepping
closer, I cleared my throat.

“My Prince.”
His gaze flitted in my direction and he relaxed infinitesimally. The

two other men swung around. They both straightened and puffed their
chests out in an attempt to intimidate me. I don’t think they would
have been pleased if I had gone with my first reaction and laughed at
them, so I kept my amusement to myself.

He seemed to appreciate my rescue, and there was a spark of

something between us that lit in my stomach and curled around itself.
I did my best to flatten the sensation, but it lingered. We walked over
to near the small, blond brother, and I left him there. He did not say
anything more, but I could feel the frequent little glances shot my way
which he tried to hide. I had made first contact with him, and I wanted
to leave it at that for the day, rather than put too much pressure on
him and scare him off. In order to be successful, I would need to be
very gentle and coax his interest. This one was shy. His hand slid

Shadow’s Dagger

Chapter Three

Belden

The morning of the first day of the Choosing I could not eat a

thing.

Over the past few days, I had somehow lost a lot of the weight

Korin had persuaded back onto me with his constant encouragements
to eat. I felt so sick when we walked outside and lined up, ready and
waiting for our suitors to be shown in, that I thought several times I
would have to make a bolt for some quiet corner to throw up. Tremors
shook my body periodically. A squeeze of my hand, by Korin, settled
me somewhat, but the first time I felt truly safe in months was about
an hour later when I was pulled away from two large men, by one
barely taller than me.

I had talked to many people already that day, but had managed to

avoid any lengthy conversations so far. The two extremely large men
who cornered me, though, did not seem to want me to slip away. I
thought they might have been working together, and a small shudder
trickled down my spine at the thought of belonging to either of them.
Though they were close, I could not catch the eye of any of the
guards, and I did not wish to be too obvious about it and cause a scene
because that would mean yet more attention on me. Annoyingly, I
think the closest guards were trying to give me some privacy. Neither
of the two men were doing anything overtly threatening, exactly, but I
was desperate to get away from them. Panic began to claw at me as
the men loomed larger and larger over me. I could not breathe.

“My Prince.”

Violet Joicey-Cowen

I looked in the direction of the new voice. A slim man waited a

pace behind the other two. He stood out in the middle of all the
overdressed, overbearing, over-everything else I could think of, rest
of the men here. The moment my eyes met his, a curious kind of
peace settled over me. Everything inside me stilled, calm.

“You are needed by one of your brothers. If I may escort you?” he

said, and held his arm out for me to take. I moved over to him and
gratefully covered his hand with my own. The trembling which I had
been unable to fully still for days began to subside. I felt so safe, just
with my hand on his. The leathers I wore, and his own clothes,
prevented any heat reaching my body from his, but I felt warmed
anyway.

He left me too soon. We talked as he led me away, and he

explained his reason for drawing me away had merely been a ruse. I
did not mind. He had seen my panic and taken action to help me
without making a huge fuss. I was not happy when he left me as we
neared my brother, Glare. Korin and Glare were not my brothers by
blood, more sort of distant cousins, but we had been raised together
and always thought of each other as, and called each other, brother. A
very long time ago one of our ancestors had preferred men over
women and had refused to lie with a woman for the purposes of
producing a child. He had refused to betray the man he loved in that
way and had gone to the royal mage for help. The mage, young and
inexperienced, had cast a complex spell on him to enable him to bear
children, but it had backfired and rebounded onto his three sons,
having the same effect on them and every one of their descendants.
The three princes had all born their own sons when it came time for
them to produce heirs for the kingdom, and so it had gone down the
generations to us. Now it was our turn to choose a husband in the way
that had become traditional in the time since, and my heart had
apparently decided on this man who had saved me from the other two.

I wanted him to stay. As soon as he left, a chill seeped back into

me. Did he not want me? If not, why had he taken the trouble to

Shadow’s Dagger

rescue me like that? He had felt right beside me. My heart fell,
unaccountably. I had not talked to him long enough for an attachment
to form, or so I would have thought, but there it was. When he left my
side, the day darkened and cooled for me, noticeably. I walked over
and joined Glare, missing the man whose name I had not even
learned. Why did I not get his name? I felt like a fool, inwardly
smacking myself.

I did not see him again that day. I had expected to be able to spot

him again, easily, given his appearance, but I did not. Did he leave?
How could he have left already? Does he not like the look of any of
us? What is wrong with us? I did not see him again the next day, nor
the one after that. My stomach felt like a stone in my body, heavy and
uncomfortable.

On the morning of the fourth day, I caught sight of him in the

slightly thinner crowds. A very few of the men had left of their own
volition by that point, after talking to all three of us. Some had been
sent away by the guards on the direction of the king. But he was there
again. My heart leapt in my chest. I had only been in his presence for
a few moments, but I had been so drawn to him. Maybe it was the fact
that he didn’t tower over me the way most of the others did, and his
presence had inspired peace in me rather than the desire to run
because I felt overwhelmed. Just the sight of him calmed me.

I could not just abandon the man I was currently talking to, though

I had already forgotten his name. A tingle of excitement fluttered in
my chest the moment I felt his eyes settle on me. I excused myself as
quickly as I could and tried to find him again, but it took me some
time. I kept catching sight of him, but by the time I had got to where
he had been, he had moved on.

Finally, after I had been having a few words with Korin and a nice

looking man called Nerowis who Korin had been keeping close for
several days now, he approached me as I stepped away.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Greetings again, my Prince.” His voice sent a shiver of

awareness through me, and I had to stop myself from grinning at him
like a simpleton. His prince. Yes please!

“Belden, please,” I responded quickly, not about to let this second

chance slide me by. “And your name is? I didn’t catch it last time.”

“I am Barli.” His resigned expression as he gave me his name

startled a small laugh from me. I looked him over in amusement. His
body appeared slender, though a little bigger than I should be if I
weighed as much as my frame suggested—and a lot bigger than I was
at the moment—but unmistakably male. His features were delicate
and almost ethereally beautiful. He had masses of curly and wavy,
pale blond hair, nearly as pale as Glare’s. His voice was mid-range
and could possibly be taken for a low-voiced woman’s. All in all, if
you put him in female clothing, along with his female name, you
would be hard-pressed to think that he was indeed a man. He would
look to all the world like a very beautiful young woman. I could
understand his irritation with his name.

In male clothing, though, he was all man. A strange heat spread

through me as I looked him over. His limbs were long and slim,
though he did not appear weak. I found it difficult not to stare at the
distinct bulge at the junction of his thighs, and had to drag my eyes
away. Thankfully, he wasn’t looking at me, at that exact moment, and
missed the blush which stained my cheeks and where I had been
looking. I wanted his attention back on me though.

“Will you walk with me, Barli?” I asked him.
“Of course, my Prince.”
“Belden,” I reminded him. I wanted to hear him say my name,

though I did rather like the sound of being his prince.

“Belden.” Oh yes, I liked that, too. The way his lips moved as he

said it, and the sound of my name on his tongue.

“Where are you from, Barli?”

Shadow’s Dagger

“I am originally from Persandin, but I have been travelling for a

long time now. I recently bought a house here in Nilan’tori and intend
to settle here.”

“Oh?” I enquired. He offered his arm, which I took, and we began

making our way around the courtyard. Lunch was not far off and I
was determined to keep him with me this time. I was not quite sure
why I felt so possessive of him, but something told me that he was
mine, or rather, that I was his.

“I wanted to see more of our country.”
“Ah, yes. I travelled with my brothers for two years, between the

ages of sixteen and eighteen. The king wanted us to see the land and
the people we would be in charge of one day.”

“A good idea. And what did you think of it all?”
I laughed. “There was an awful lot of it, and that could take some

time.”

“I have time.” A husky note in his voice sent a delightful shiver

through me. We had paused in our walk to wait for some people to
move, and I glanced at him. Barli looked back at me and our gazes
locked for a moment, heat spearing me. My cock began to fill under
my leathers. I felt glad for how tightly fitting they were, which might
hide my state. I had to tear my eyes away, my cheeks burning again.
The people we had been waiting for had already moved without us
noticing. How long were we looking at each other? Barli cleared his
throat, and we resumed our walk.

For all my attraction to him, I felt safe with Barli. He seemed

gentle and considerate with me. He never forced my attention toward
him, or intimidated me in any way. I liked him. I was surprised at how
quickly I was growing attached to him, and hoped he liked me in
return, even if just a little. He was still here with me, so he must have
been considering being here on the last day. The last day was when
my brothers and I would have to make our choices of husbands. More
blood headed toward my cock. My leathers were getting
uncomfortably tight, so I tried to think of other things.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

We continued to talk as we walked, for some time. I told him

about some of the places I had been, some of which he had also
visited, and we chatted about them and the people we remembered
who lived there. It was nice, easy. Conversation flowed between us,
and I did not notice the time passing. Little looks I constantly shot his
way were often intercepted by his own at me, which left me blushing
and pleasantly confused.

We must have eaten at some point, twice actually, because sooner

than I was ready for it, darkness had fallen and the suitors were all
being asked to leave for the day. Both lunch and supper had passed.

“Will you be back in the morning, Barli?”
“If you wish it.”
I did not feel entirely happy with his answer. I had wanted to hear

that he wanted to be there, to see me. “I do.”

“Then I will be here.” He smiled his gentle smile at me, and I

forgot my concerns. “I will see you tomorrow.” He gave me a small
bow then turned smartly, and left.

“You look happier today.” I glanced to my right. Glare had

appeared at my elbow while my attention had been on Barli’s
retreating back. My fingers itched to find out if Barli’s curls were as
silky as they looked.

“You…don’t,” I replied, as I looked at him. “Are you all right,

Glare? Did something happen?” My little brother had been so excited
at the start of the week, something neither Kor nor I had been able to
understand. Now, though, life appeared to be draining from him. He
looked small and sad. Yes, physically he had always been small, but
just then he actually looked it. Normally, his bouncy self caused many
people to overlook his actual size.

“I am all right.”
I hesitated for a moment, unsure whether or not to press him

further, but decided against it for now. It was unlike my little brother
to stay down for long. I would wait and see how the next day found
him.

Shadow’s Dagger

When the next day came, I had forgotten all about it in my

excitement at hopefully seeing Barli again, though another day later
Kor and I tackled him. Glare would not tell either of us anything, so
eventually we had to leave him alone. He was surprisingly stubborn
about it actually, for our usually bubbly and talkative brother. I
worried about him. It saddened me to think there was something
bothering him which he would not share with us, or let us help.

The day passed, and then it was the final day. I was the only one

of the three of us who appeared to have any hope or excitement. What
a change from the beginning of the week, when Glare had been like a
playful puppy in his enthusiasm, and I had been rigid and unable to
eat with the cold dread which crept through me. Korin seemed quietly
accepting of his fate. He had not said any more to me of his affection
for Ansen, which he had confessed right after he had gotten back from
his year away, and Ansen’s stony silence around him made me
wonder if something had happened between them. I wanted to ask
Korin about it, but every time I tried, my nerve failed. I felt for my
brothers, of course I did, but I could not wait to see Barli again and
lay my hand on his shoulder.

I was the first to the throne room, with Glare following soon after.

He looked as though he had lost something profoundly important, and
also scared. I was about to give him a hug, when Korin entered the
hall. He walked over to us, and wrapped us both up briefly in his
arms. I trembled almost as much as Glare, though for me it was with
excitement. I felt so mixed up about today. Happy at the thought of
being able to choose Barli, but worried for both my brothers.

And then, there he was. While I had been lost in thought, my

uncle– the king– his husband, and Korin’s grandsire had entered the
room. They had been seated and the suitors had been filing in. A
shiver of awareness ran through my body, and I looked up to see Barli
watching me. He is here.

Just as the doors were being closed, there was a noise from the

back of the room, and a squeak from Glare, beside me. I am sure I

Violet Joicey-Cowen

will find out later on what that was about, but just then I could not
look away from Barli.

My focus tore when the king stood and began to read the

Choosing Decree.

“By Royal Decree, I, King Rydan of Nilan’dane, hereby proclaim

that the time has come for the marriage of the three heirs to the throne
of Nilan’dane. The marriages are necessary to ensure the conception
of the next generation of heirs to the throne. Whichever prince
successfully carries and produces the first live child shall be crowned
King-in-waiting and shall remain so until my death or abdication.
Upon which time the king-in-waiting shall assume the throne.

“If any man here present no longer wishes to be considered for the

position of consort to one of the heirs, leave now.” He waited for a
few moments. No one moved. There was no sound in the room but for
the slight rustle of fabric. The king then continued. “Then let it be
known, in the order of birth, the three heirs must now make their
choice of husband from any man here present barring those related by
blood or those already claimed by another.

“Korin, Prince of Nilan’dane, first-born Prince, and my son. Make

your choice.”

Something was different about Korin. Near the end of the king’s

speech, it had been as though some sort of shock had gone through
Kor. What was he going to do? He stepped forward, his feet almost
dragging. He did not move in the direction of Nerowis, the suitor he
has spent most of the week with, as I had thought he would. He
moved slowly over to Ansen, the head of his personal guard, and a
friend of ours placed his hand on Ansen’s shoulder, and said the
words which would bind them together. “I choose you.”

A rumble of surprise rippled across the room. I could hardly

blame them. Kor had told me of his liking for Ansen before the week
began, well, I had talked it out of him. But he had barely looked at
Ansen all week, staying close to Nerowis instead. Ansen appeared

Shadow’s Dagger

just as surprised as everyone else, but joyous disbelief flooded him
before they were both swept off by members of the guard.

I did not have long to puzzle over what had just happened,

because then it was my turn.

“Belden, Prince of Nilan’dane, second-born Prince, and son of

Prince Denlin. Make your choice,” the king said clearly.

My pulse raced as I moved. I had to hold myself back to stop

myself from running to him. I walked to the edge of the dais and
stepped down from it and over to Barli. His eyes gleamed at me, and I
could barely speak the words I needed to say. I reached for his
shoulder.

“I choose you.” I was briefly puzzled by a burst of something

which looked like triumph crossing his face, but then we were being
herded out of the room and away from each other to be prepared for
the night ahead.

Now that I had made my choice, my emotions ran riot for the rest

of the day. I had feared what is coming for so long, but my body
trembled with anticipation. I didn’t understand it. I bounced between
excitement and nerves so often that I felt as though I were spinning. I
took no notice of the women preparing me for the night ahead. I was
bathed, massaged, fed, all of it with my thoughts elsewhere. I suppose
not thinking about what went on around me helped me in one way. At
least they managed to get food into me without my stomach
protesting.

Eventually, they led me to my rooms, where I had to open the

door. It felt strange to take other people into my rooms and through to
my sleeping chamber. I tried my best not to look over at the
bookshelves which hid the secret passageways between my rooms,
Kor’s, and Glare’s. We had found the passageways as children, and
claimed the rooms as our own when the time came for us to leave the
nursery. It was not as though the body servants with me would be able
to figure the passageways out just from a look from me. We had only
found them by sheerest luck, but I felt uncomfortable.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

I had been naked for a lot of the day, with one thing and another,

but my limbs were still stiff and awkward as I loosened the sash on
my robe and allowed it to fall from my shoulders. I passed it to one of
the women, and quickly crawled onto the bed. I hid my burning face
in the covers beneath me as I spread my arms and legs, and allowed
the women to tie me to the bed. I had chosen my husband and would
do my duty and provide the kingdom with my heir, but I did wish they
did not have to tie me down. I am not one of the reluctant ones who I
am sure were the reason behind the ties.

The women quickly left me alone with my thoughts and the

crackling sound of the fire. The bed and covers cradled my body
gently, and the air was warm enough. It felt strange to be lying there
naked though. I was so used to having to cover up my body—it being
a punishable offense for anyone but my spouse or body servants to
see me naked—that being undressed just felt wrong. Even when I was
alone. Except for today, even my body servants have not seen me
unclothed in many years.

The silken ropes were soft around my wrists. They did not hurt,

merely constrained. I knew they were intended to ensure I could not
change my mind at the last moment and deny my new husband
through fear or simple nerves. I lay there and listened. There was only
the crackling of the fire, my breathing, and my heartbeat.
Occasionally, I moved slightly, and the bedclothes whispered against
my skin. Everything was so still and quiet.

Finally, I heard a faint sound from the direction of the entrance to

my rooms. All of the doors in my rooms are solid, not allowing much
noise to pass, so I quickly noticed any noise at all. The next sound I
heard a couple of minutes later, was the door to my sleeping chamber
opening. I twisted as much as I could to look. Barli stood in the
doorway, as I had expected, but something he didn’t look right. A
chill entered me as I peered at him. He was dressed in loose, red
kashee clothing, and his trousers tented at his groin. Kashee clothing
was common all over our world, though trousers made from the

Shadow’s Dagger

material were the most frequently worn. The thicker, warmer, kashiri
clothing material was also made from the same plant fibres.

I went hot and cold all over at the sight of him, and my body

pulsed with something I couldn’t name. But then I looked at his face.
Though I could not see him all that well in the firelight, his eyes
appeared glazed and he appeared to be sweating profusely. His chest
heaved with rapid, stuttering breaths, and there was no recognition as
he stared at me. He staggered forward a few steps then wavered. What
is wrong with him? Fear clawed at my guts, though I did not know if
it was fear of what he would do to me or fear for him at whatever was
wrong.

He lurched forward another few paces and then abruptly

collapsed. I heard him throw up on the floor, but could no longer see
him. Oh gods, what is happening? I could not turn any further on the
bed, and yanked at my wrists, worrying for my new husband.

“Barli?” The only response I got was more retching. My own

stomach turned over when the sour smell of vomit reached me.
“Barli?” I was panicking now. I struggled against the ropes, but they
had been well tied and I could not get free. “Barli, answer me!”

I continued to struggle with the ropes for hours, hearing only the

odd moan from the man on the floor, and his too-fast, panting breaths.
Eventually, I grew exhausted, and my wrists sore, from trying to
escape my bonds. The night seemed endless. I lay awake most of it,
listening for every small sound coming from Barli’s direction. My
terror abated slightly when he stopped moaning and his breathing
slowed to somewhere around normal. I must have dozed off at some
point because the next thing I knew, there was a quiet knock on the
door of my sleeping chamber.

My body was stiff and sore from being tied in the same position

all night, and I felt muzzy from sleep, or the lack of it. I twisted once
more to look at the door and the pain which shot through my
shoulders made me gasp. As I looked, two maids entered the room.
The king must have been close-by to let them into my rooms, as the

Violet Joicey-Cowen

only people who can open the doors to my rooms are myself and
Rydan. I really didn’t want the king to see me like this.

“Oh!” The maids both paused, eyes wide in horror as they took in

the sight of me on the bed and whatever my new husband looked like
on the floor. They rushed over, hands fluttering, and bent down to
tend to Barli.

Something in me knew he would not be happy with them seeing

him that vulnerable, and also, he was mine. I did not want them to
touch him.

“Stop! Leave him.”
“But, sir, we need to help him,” one of them said. The other came

toward me, and I realised in shock that she actually meant to inspect
between my legs. Presumably it would have been to either make sure
I had been penetrated, or to ensure that I was all right. I felt her hand
on my leg before I could make myself react.

“No! Get off me. And I said, don’t touch him.” I was pretty much

growling by that point. “Just untie me, by the gods, and then get out.”

“Sir, he has been sick on the rug. Would you like us to take it

away?”

“Yes, take it.” I just wanted them gone. They both came over to

me and untied an ankle each, and then a wrist. I could move properly
again. Though anxious to see how Barli was, I lay there for a minute
after closing my legs and turning to one side so I could rub my
reddened wrists. I did not want to leave the bed, or turn over fully,
until the women were gone.

The women fussed over Barli for a few moments while they got

the rug out from underneath him, rolled it, and picked it up.
Thankfully, it was not a thick, heavy thing, and could be managed by
the pair of them alone.

“You have my thanks. Now leave.” I needed to check on Barli.
“Yes, sir,” they both murmured, and then left the room, taking the

disgusting rug, and much of the sour odour with them.

Shadow’s Dagger

I rolled over onto my back and sat up slowly. My back ached a

little, and my shoulders, hips, and knees all felt stiff after being forced
into the same position for the night, but there was no more of the
acute pain in my shoulders. I swivelled my head from side to side,
stretching my neck out and the muscles in my shoulders. Then I got
off the bed and reached for my robe, which still lay over a chair,
where one of the body servants had placed it the night before. I was
nervous about what I would see when I looked at Barli. Was he all
right?

I plucked up the courage, walked around the end of the bed, and

then knelt down beside him. His chest was moving, which filled me
with relief, but I still felt for his pulse. It was slow and steady.

Except for my hand on his arm, and the occasional hand clasp

when we had danced over the last few days, this was the first time I
had really touched him. His breathing was even now, and it moved his
hair gently where it had fallen over his face when the maids moved
him off the rug. He lay mostly on his side, one arm bent underneath
him and the other one flung forward. His legs curled together. Even
though he was unconscious, the moment felt very personal, and
intimate.

Inappropriate anger flooded me. For the love of Nilan’s tail, what

am I going to do now? I can’t just leave him on the floor like this. I
stood and tried to move him. He was a lot heavier than he looked.

“Stupid idiot. What on Hari is wrong with you?” I snapped at his

oblivious body. “Now I have to pick your stupid ass up off the stupid
floor, and get you into the stupid bed. And why are you so gods-
damned heavy?” I was shouting by the end of that, and sweating from
the effort of trying to pick him up.

“Uh, that is a man…Right?” Korin’s voice came from behind me,

making me jump almost out of my skin. I spun around to look at him.

“Oh, thank the ancestors. Can you help me get him onto the bed?”

Though my heart had taken off like a horse going to gallop from the
jolt he had given me, I was relieved and thankful for his presence.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Him?” Kor looked doubtful.
“Yes, he’s a him.” And then I was irritated again. Of course Barli

was a man.

“You sure?”
“Kor.” Why wouldn’t he shut up and help me?
“Well, it’s the hair,” Kor whined, motioning at Barli’s head. I

refused to give him the satisfaction of letting him know I knew what
he meant.

“Need some help?”
Ansen’s voice had me jumping and turning again. Why was

Ansen there? How was Ansen there? Had Kor told him about the
passageways? I guessed he must have. I felt betrayed for a moment.
We had always sworn to keep their existence a secret between the
three of us, Kor, me, and Glare.

My gaze darted between Kor and Ansen. Ansen walked over to

stand beside Barli, who still lay on the floor. I couldn’t decide what to
do, but we could not stand there forever, so I nodded. This was
Ansen. I had known him since we were kids, and he was the man my
brother loved, and now his husband. I knew I could trust him.

Kor and I were waved off. Ansen bent down and soon stood again

with Barli slung over one shoulder.

“Where do you want him?”
“On the bed, I suppose.” I noticed Kor watching me and realised I

was nibbling on my thumbnail as I watched the proceedings. Damn,
thought I had managed to stop that. I knotted my hands behind my
back.

Ansen settled Barli on the bed, arranging him so that his head was

on the pillows. Remorse flooded me at the frustration I had felt with
Barli when I had not been able to move him. It had hardly been his
fault. I went to him and brushed the hair from his face. His face was
flushed, and I could smell lingering traces of vomit.

“Oh gods, but you are going to be angry.” I didn’t know why I

thought that. He had not seemed the type for that kind of anger.

Shadow’s Dagger

“You really sure that’s a man?” This time it was Ansen asking. I

glared at him.

“He’s certainly, um…pretty,” Kor put in.
“What are you two doing here, anyway?” I asked, grateful, but

more than a little exasperated.

“Oh, fine. We were worried about you and Glare,” Kor said.

“Ansen was given a drink before he came in to me. He only had a tiny
bit, but…uh…well, we were worried about you.”

Was that why Barli got sick? Why would he be given a drink to

make him sick? Then I realised Kor was blushing and it clicked that it
had probably been something to encourage things along between the
newly married couples. I still didn’t know why it would have made
Barli sick though.

“Oh, I’m all right. Barli here didn’t even touch me yet.”
Kor snorted. It was his turn to be glared at then. “Not a word.”
“Barli?”
“Korin.”
Kor giggled at my protest.
Just then, Barli moaned softly and turned his head on the pillow.

His eyes were not open yet, though.

“Quick, you have to go. He can’t find you here.”
“Okay.” Kor rushed over and gave me a brief hug. “Be safe,

brother,” he whispered in my ear.

“Make sure Glare is okay,” I whispered back.
They crept back into the passageways, closing the door behind

them. I looked back at Barli. How was he going to react?

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Four

Barli

My head pounded harder than after a week-long drunk. Not that I

knew what that really felt like because I rarely allowed myself to
drink alcohol to excess due to the loss of control, but I had seen the
effect it had on other people. I heard voices in the room and tensed,
keeping still and trying to sort the voices out into recognisable words
and people. My head was pounding so loudly, and all my senses were
off, so I tried to focus, but that only made me feel sick.

I must have moaned a little, or moved, because the voices went

quiet, and then I felt a presence hovering close to me. I could not stay
still any longer and cracked my eyes open. My eyelashes stuck
together and I had to blink a few times. Belden leaned over me. He
flinched when he saw I was awake, looking scared. Belden should
never be scared. I wanted to comfort him, but I was too puzzled by
why I felt as I did.

“Are you all right? How do you feel?” he asked anxiously.
My mouth tasted like something died in it. Nasty.
“Here.” He held out a goblet and cupped the back of my head,

which I realised was propped up on some pillows. He held the goblet
to my lips and helped me to take some small sips of water.

“Wha…” My voice cracked, so I had to try again. “What

happened?”

“I’m not sure. You came in, and then you collapsed. Are you all

right? I was so worried.”

Shadow’s Dagger

I stayed quiet for a moment. Something wasn’t right. “How did I

get onto the bed?” I was sure Belden didn’t have the strength to do it.
I might look slender to the untrained eye, but because of what I did,
my muscles were hard and solid. His eyes slid away from mine before
he answered, and he fiddled with the bedspread. Interesting.

“The maids helped me.”
I knew he was lying, but I had no idea why. There was no doubt in

my mind at all, but I let him think I believed his words for the
moment. What possible reason could he have for lying to me about
something so simple as how I got onto a bed? Why did it matter? I
eyed him up thoughtfully, careful not to let any of my suspicion show
on my face. The only reason that came to me was that there had been
someone here who should not have been.

Yes. That made me angry. Belden was mine. No one else should

have been here while I was unaware. I filed the thoughts away for
later, determined to find out the truth.

The past few days had been a revelation for me. Since the night

my family had been torn apart, when I had been eight years old, I had
never experienced real emotional intimacy with anyone. Even my
twin, Zana, though I have cared for her and done my best to protect
her—not that she always lets me, or ever—and our mother have been
kept at a little bit of a distance since then. Belden snuck past every
one of the walls standing around my heart. I knew now that I would
never be able to complete the job I had come here to do. No. Now I
would do everything in my power to protect him. But here I was,
brought low by I knew not what and unable to protect him from
anything.

My stomach rolled. My skin heated and became slick with sweat

as I fought the urge to be sick. Delicious coolness bathed my
forehead, as Belden wiped it with a damp cloth. I moaned at the
feeling, pushing my head closer to the cloth as it moved over me and
away. Water sloshed as Belden rinsed the cloth out and brought it
back to me. He wiped my forehead again then gently down over each

Violet Joicey-Cowen

eye and cheek, and around my throat. The cool cloth took some of the
heat from my face and the nausea subsided. I was left weak and
shaky.

My voice rasped when I managed to speak again. “What’s wrong

with me?”

“I don’t know, exactly, but I believe you were given a drink

before you came into my rooms.”

Had I been? Had I drunk something which didn’t agree with me?

That seemed unlikely. I was not a fool, and it would have taken
unusual circumstances to get me to drink something when I did not
know what was in it. A hazy image came to me, a large ornate goblet,
filled with a dark-red wine being brought closer to my lips by my own
hand. It appeared I had drunk whatever it had been. Why had I done
that? And why had it made me sick?

I am immune to most poisons, having accustomed myself to them

in small doses, or having taken antidotes which will last the rest of my
life. It was a hazard of my profession. When people knew that there
was not much chance they would have against me physically, they
tended to adopt other tactics to do away with me. I have had to protect
myself against as many of them as I could.

All this went through my head at a rapid pace. I merely nodded.
A rather delightful flush filled Belden’s cheeks. “I think the drink

was supposed to uh…enhance your um…desire,” he finished on a
whisper. His face now burned scarlet.

Oh. Now I understood. All the potions I had taken to ensure I

could not be killed by standard poisons, had had a side effect or two.
One of them was that I could no longer eat or drink a couple of
otherwise innocuous things or they would make me sick. They would
not kill me, but it would be another day or two before I was back to
myself again.

It was a relief to know what ailed me. I had not thought of that

because the things I could no longer tolerate were rather rare

Shadow’s Dagger

aphrodisiacs, and not ones I had ever anticipated coming across in the
usual run of my life.

Then another thought struck me. Why did they feel the need to

drug the princes’ consorts into performing? They gathered men here
to compete for the princes’ hands. The men who came all wanted to
be here, so why drug them, too?

“Thank you for your care of me.” I slid my hand over the covers

to where Belden’s rested and squeezed it gently. I glanced down as I
clasped his hand and drew it closer to me. I could not make sense of
what I was seeing for a moment. A reddened ring of skin circled his
wrist, the delicate skin rubbed raw over fragile bones. My forehead
furrowed in puzzlement. My mind was still not as clear as it should
have been. My gaze flicked to his other wrist, but the sleeve of his
robe hid what I needed to see. I held out my other hand, for him to
take, and he placed his other in it. He flinched when I began sliding
the silky material back and he realised my intentions. Belden
wouldn’t look at me, but stared at the skin I was revealing on his
wrist. It was also raw and sore looking. Anger exploded inside me.

“Who did this?” Even to my own ears, my voice sounded cold and

deadly. Belden stilled, every part of him focused on me. Gods, I can’t
let myself slip like that. I have to continue to be the Barli he believes
me to be.

“I was ready for you in here.” He sounded stilted and unsure.

Fuck. Did I just scare him? “When you collapsed and got sick, I was
unable to get to you.” What was he trying to tell me?

“Why?” I gentled my voice, not wanting to frighten him further.
“I–I…They…I was…tied.”
The rage built again, but this time I managed to keep it from my

voice. “Like some kind of sacrifice?” Only my outrage showed, not
my anger. For some reason, what I said seemed to amuse him, and his
lips twitched.

“If you like.”

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“I don’t like! Not only did they try and drug me so I would leap

on you like a madman, but they also tied you down so you wouldn’t
be able to get away? That is insane. You should always have the
choice!”

Yes, I liked to be in charge, and ropes had definitely featured in a

number of my sexual experiences, but all the things I have done to
men in the past have only been things that were acceptable to them. I
could never force myself on someone unwilling. With him tied down,
and me insensible from the drugs they gave me, he would have had no
opportunity to escape and no way of stopping me.

But then, I pictured him tied down, waiting for me, and my cock

twitched. Beautiful Bel, tied down, trussed up, and awaiting the kiss
of my flogger with moans and pleas for me to take him. I doubted he
would have been so eager last night, and I could not face the thought
of taking something from him that he did not want to give, that I did
not have his agreement to in words before we began.

The thought of what I could have done to him swung the tide in

my battle with the nausea, and this time I was unable to prevent
myself from emptying the almost nonexistent contents of my stomach
into the pot Belden lunged for just in time. When I was done, I
slumped back onto the bed, exhausted. He wiped my face and neck
again and I drifted off to sleep. I didn’t feel my usual need to be on
alert at all times. I would have wondered about that, but I was already
asleep.

I have always had a good inner sense of time, and the next time I

awoke, my body told me it was evening.

Belden was nowhere to be seen, but my bladder was screaming at

me to be emptied. It felt heavy and achingly full, a solid pain in my
abdomen which demanded I do something about it immediately.

I pushed myself upright and assessed how I felt. My body was

weakened, but I no longer had the urge to empty my stomach all over
the place with each little movement. The ache in my head had also

Shadow’s Dagger

calmed, or maybe that was merely in comparison with the pain in my
bladder.

Getting to rather wobbly feet, I clung to one of the bedposts. It

took rather more energy to get myself to the door of the sleeping
chamber than I thought I possessed, but I managed it anyway. I leaned
there for a few moments, forehead resting against the cool wood,
coated in a sheen of sweat. Footsteps approached on the other side of
the door and I had to stagger out of the way or be sent flying.

“Oh!” Belden saw me wavering and rushed forward to help. It

was…easy to let him. My fierce independence was absent. “What are
you doing out of bed?” He pulled one of my arms over his thin
shoulders and took some of my weight. He felt good nestled into my
side, somehow right. But one of the things I now knew was that I
needed to make sure he ate properly. He has not been doing so for a
good long while, and it showed. He was too thin.

“Bathing chamber.” Just saying the words reinforced the desperate

signals my bladder was sending me, and I almost whimpered. Moving
around was not helping matters. We walked slowly out of the room
and to the door of another, with Belden guiding me. Another time I
might have found it funny how I had the man I had come to want so
badly over the last few days plastered up against my side. He was
mine at last, and there I was, unable to think of anything but a
completely different bodily need.

We made it in time, and I relieved myself with a prayer of thanks

to any god who was listening. Not that I had all that much faith in any
of them, and I certainly did not regard Nilan in that light as many
have come to, not after whatever it was that she had done to my
grandfather. I dismissed the long-dead dragon from my thoughts. I
was not supposed to think about her.

With my bladder empty, I was free to think about other things,

like how much I stank. Nice. Being sick and sweating out the things
my body could not cope with had left me smelling simply delightful. I
eyed the bath with longing.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Would you like a shower?” Belden asked. He must have seen

where I was looking.

“I am not sure I could stand for long enough,” I answered

regretfully, a rueful smile twisting my mouth.

“There is a seat, and I can angle the shower for you.”
“Then get me in there, please.” The fervour in my voice prompted

him to giggle. It was the loveliest sound, and my chest filled with joy
on hearing it.

I had to keep control of myself. He was mine to protect and care

for, but if I became too relaxed in his presence, I might slip up
elsewhere. Now that I had decided to abandon the job I had taken, that
woman would eventually figure it out and send someone else. She
might have already done so. I shivered at the thought of something
happening to this sweet, fragile man. I had to get better, so I could
protect him and those he loved.

My life was going to change forever.
“There you go.” Belden helped me down the steps into the large,

deep, sunken bath, and I sat down on the ledge which ran along one of
the two opposite sides. He helped me strip off the red kashee clothing
I had been dressed in when I had been readied to go to him. He
avoided looking at my body once it was unclothed, and his dark hair
slid in a silken curtain between us as he ducked his head away. He
was shy and embarrassed. It was rather adorable, and by rather, I
meant completely.

A while later, I was back in bed and propped up by a mound of

pillows. I was clean again, though worn out from getting that way,
and almost ready for another sleep.

When the maids had come earlier to see how Belden was, they

had brought food, and Belden had brought some through. Though the
nausea was gone, I still had no desire for food, so he took it away
again and ate in another room. The thoughtfulness he showed at not
eating in front of me when I might still have felt unwell touched me. I
was glad he was eating, but I missed his presence.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Five

Belden

Four days after the end of the Choosing, Barli was back to himself

again, though still a little moody. Not that I really knew him all that
well, but he seemed to again be more or less back to full health. I no
longer had to help him to the bathing chamber.

My cheeks heated at the memory of helping him that first time. I

had not looked directly at him when I had aided him in undressing, so
he would be able to get clean, but from the corner of my eye I had
seen enough to tell me why I had had such trouble moving the man on
my own before Ansen came in to help. My new husband might have
appeared slender when clothed, but naked, his body was hard and
solid with lean, corded muscles over every inch of him. My stomach
fluttered and warmed. I didn’t know what to think about that. Why
did thoughts of his naked body make me feel good? Wasn’t it
supposed to hurt when we eventually…did what we were supposed to
do?

And while I was on that subject, when was he going to do

something about it? It was not that I wanted to be put through the pain
and indignity of that, but it had to happen. And it really had to happen
soon. If Barli had not had such a bad reaction to that drink he was
given, we would already have been intimate. How did I bring it up
though? I went so red every time I even began thinking about it, my
tongue tying itself in knots, how was I supposed to broach the subject
with Barli?

Shadow’s Dagger

The papers I pretended to study rustled as I put them down on the

desk, huffing in frustration.

“Is there something wrong?”
Fuck. I forgot he was in the room for a minute.
“No. I just don’t seem to be taking any of this in today.” I looked

over at where he sat in an old leather chair, reading, and then back to
the papers in front of me.

“What are they about?” he asked.
I laughed, in an attempt to cover my consternation. He wasn’t

supposed to ask that.

“Uh…” Then I sighed. “I don’t even know,” I admitted, blushing

furiously. I looked back at the papers. I glanced over them, picking
out a word or two here and there. Nilan, blood, Dax. “Something
about Nilan.” The language was an old form of ours, and the
handwriting curly and difficult to decipher. When my gaze slid back
to Barli, my breath caught in my throat. He smiled at me with open
enjoyment and it lit up his whole face. He is so beautiful. I found it
hard to breathe.

The expression on his face changed, but I found myself unable to

look away. Without glancing down, he closed the book he was
holding and rose to his feet, placing the book on the chair. The heat
which had filled me at my embarrassment had spread throughout my
body, and I felt almost faint with it. But it no longer felt like
embarrassment. I felt as though I were on fire, needing, but for what I
did not know. My eyes were locked on his as he moved closer.

My heart raced, and every particle of water had abandoned my

mouth. He focused intently on me, staring down at me from beside
my chair.

“Give me your hand.” He held his out and I gave him mine

without thinking about it. My body reacted without any instructions
from my brain, instead following the instruction Barli gave. He
tugged gently, wordlessly asking me to get to my feet. I stood, my
heart racing ever more wildly. Was he about to kiss me? More? He

Violet Joicey-Cowen

released my hand and brushed his up my arm, over my shoulder, and
buried it in my hair, cupping the side of my head. The fluttering in my
stomach intensified.

He tilted my head back slowly and I let him, feeling the weight of

my hair sliding down my back. Something I have never allowed free-
rein within myself had broken free, and I was completely at his
command.

“Breathe, sweet one.”
The gasping breath I took cleared my head a little of the

swimming sensation, but as I was panting, recovering, Barli leaned in
closer and brushed his lips over mine.

Oh.
Time stopped for me.
I did not notice my eyes closing, or the breath which now came

and went easily. All I could feel was Barli’s lips against mine. The
warm, soft pressure. His breath feathered across my skin as he kissed
my cheek, my forehead, my nose, over to my ear where he suckled
my earlobe into his mouth and nipped it between his teeth. Hot
shivers ran down my spine, and goose bumps rose all over my skin.

I thought for a moment I had stopped breathing again, and the

dizziness had returned, but then I realised the sensation I now felt was
us moving. Barli had turned me and was walking me backward out of
the room. My attention was captured again by the feel of his so solid
body guiding me. I felt cherished, protected, and safe.

The next thing I was aware of was the covers of my bed beneath

my naked back. When did I get naked? I stiffened.

“Shhh, relax.” A hand that felt so strong, yet so gentle, stroked

across my chest. Barli knelt between my spread thighs, leaning over
me on one arm. A small noise escaped me. I was not entirely sure if it
was from fear of what was to come, or from frustration that he was
not moving faster, touching me harder, more roughly. I didn’t know
what it was that I wanted, but a soul-deep yearning built inside me,

Shadow’s Dagger

and I felt ready to crawl out of my very skin. Then his weight settled
on me and my body arched up against him, needing more.

“Barliii!” His name slipped out with a whimper. We were both

naked. The hot, smooth, heaviness of him against me, on me,
anchored me and had me flying at the same time. My hands clutched
at empty air at my sides, desperate for something to hold onto. Barli
pushed them upward, encouraging me to turn my body a little, and my
knuckles banged against the bedpost above my head.

“Hold onto the post.”
I followed his command. I was unable to do anything else, and I

would not have wanted to. I anchored myself to the post, my body
stretched out and needing. My cock was hard and full between us,
smearing drops of pre-cum on my stomach and his. Barli’s cock was a
rod of satin-covered iron, sliding against mine. His hips flexed,
driving his cock against me, and I whimpered again. Feels so good.
Traces of fear lingered in my mind, but my body writhed and begged
for more, though he had barely even done anything yet.

He leaned closer, making me look at him.
“Are you all right?”
And abruptly, I wasn’t. I’m not sure what changed, but I felt too

open, spread out beneath him. My panting breaths now definitely
came from fear. Gods, what is he going to do to me?

“Belden?” Worry shadowed his face.
I couldn’t reply—the words stuck in my throat—but I stared back

with wide, scared eyes, my mouth a rigid line and my nostrils flaring.

“Bel?”
He lifted himself off me, drawing back to kneel between my legs

again, and I scrambled backward until I sat up against the headboard,
hugging my knees to my chest. I couldn’t look at him.

“Bel, what is wrong?”
I still couldn’t answer him. I did not know why I was so scared.

He sighed and then moved to get off the bed. I could hear him moving

Violet Joicey-Cowen

around in the room, but I couldn’t look. My gaze was fixed on the bed
cover beside my toes.

“Here, put this on,” Barli said gently. Something blue was thrust

into my line of sight. I unclamped my arms from around my legs and
reached to take it without looking. The heavy, slippery material of my
robe filled my hand, and I took it gratefully. I had to force myself to
move, to slide my arms into the sleeves of the robe and straighten my
legs so I could belt the robe at my waist. I was not sure if I could
stand, so I rolled over onto my side and flipped the robe over myself,
hiding my now flaccid cock.

Now that my immediate tension had subsided a little, I began

shivering. What did I do now? And why was a growing part of me
disappointed? I felt so mixed up.

Barli sat on the edge of the bed near my waist. I could see he had

put his robe on, too. He was too close, and too far away. As good as
he was being, I didn’t think I could ask him to back away, and I
certainly didn’t have the nerve to ask him to come closer. Not after
what had just happened. Why was he not angry with me? Maybe he
was. After all I couldn’t look at him to see how he might be feeling.

Suddenly, I had to get away. From him or me, I was not sure, but

something stifled me. I rolled in the other direction and clambered
awkwardly off the end of the large bed, trying to keep my body
hidden from view.

“Belden, where are you going?”
“I can’t…” I shook my head, confused as to what I was feeling. I

backed away from the bed and turned to run. As I did so, he stood and
stretched a hand out to me.

“Bel, stop!”
My feet froze to the floor as if glued there.
“What is wrong? Tell me. Now.”
Now that he had stopped asking, and was telling me what to do, I

found it easier to obey. “I don’t know,” I whispered miserably.

Shadow’s Dagger

Warmth shadowed my back. He was behind me, not quite

touching me, but close enough for me to feel the heat from his body.

“Did I hurt you?” His voice was rough.
“Why did you stop?” Why did I ask that?
“I don’t want you scared of me, Bel. I don’t want you scared of

what we do.”

“But you need to do it!”
“Bel…” His hands settled firmly on my upper arms.
I broke away and turned to face him, looking at him at last. “No,

Barli, you need to do it. Just do it. You have to get me with an heir.”

Distaste filled his expression, and he took half a step back from

me. “Gods, that sounds cold.”

“But it’s why you’re here! It should have happened days ago.”

Now he looked angry, and it was my turn to back away again.

It was too late.
“That is what you want? Then fine, that is how it will be.”
What had I done? Apprehension flooded me, followed a moment

later by a curious kind of peace as Barli reacted. It was going to
happen, finally. He grabbed me by the arm and spun me around,
almost throwing me at the bed.

He came up behind me, his groin and still-hard cock pressing into

my buttocks through both our robes. The unavoidable, scorching heat
from that rigid length ground against me as he pushed me farther over
the bed. I was immediately gasping with need again. His cock was so
close to my entrance. I could not hold back my moan at the feel of it
between the cheeks of my ass.

“Don’t move,” he told me. His hands were on my hips, forcing me

to stay still. He disappeared for a moment, but he told me not to
move, and I didn’t. Less than a minute later, he was back. He pulled
up my robe and threw it over my back, uncovering me. One of his feet
inserted itself between mine, kicking my legs apart.

I heard a tiny pop, and then something dripped between the

cheeks of my ass. It tickled, but I still didn’t move. I shivered when

Violet Joicey-Cowen

his fingers slid though what must have been oil, rubbing along my
crease. The sensation increased a hundred-fold with the slippery
liquid. My cock hardened again.

“Aghhh!” My cry seemed to spur him on, and his finger teased me

some more before pressing against me and then pushing inside the
littlest bit. It wasn’t enough. I arched my back, forcing his finger
deeper.

“I told you not to move.” He sounded stern and unforgiving. He

pulled his finger from me.

“No, please, I’m sorry. Please!” I begged.
He relented, and his finger pressed inside me again. It burned a

little, but only the smallest bit, and I liked the feeling. The second
finger increased the burn, and I gasped wordlessly, rising up on my
toes. My upper body was completely flat on the bed by that point, and
my hands were clenched in white-knuckled fists in the covers. He
didn’t seem bothered that I had moved that time, or maybe it was
because my movement had not been a demanding one. I didn’t know,
nor did I really care.

His fingers worked the tight ring of muscle in my ass, loosening

it. He was trying to drive me insane. Then he hit something inside me.
Gods, what is that? He touched it again, and I was pushed beyond
thinking. The third finger stung, and yet it felt good. He stretched me,
readying me for him.

“Stay there.” His fingers were gone, leaving me aching and

empty, craving something. I moaned softly. Then the blunt tip of his
cock pressed against my swollen and needy opening. I shivered in
anticipation. My moan turned high and yet quiet as he pushed
forward, and the head breached the ring of muscles around my
entrance. The pace of his breathing and the tension in his body told
me he fought for control.

With just the head of his cock resting inside me, Barli reached for

my arms and pulled them down the bed. He covered my hands with
his own, making me release the bedclothing which had come with

Shadow’s Dagger

them. He laced our fingers together and brought his weight down onto
me. He gripped my hands tightly and slowly drove his hips forward,
impaling me on his cock and stretching me so wide, until I could feel
the hairs on his thighs scratching against the backs of mine and my
ass was nestled into his groin.

I could hardly breathe. My mouth and eyes were open, but he

couldn’t see them because his head rested between my shoulder
blades. I could feel the breath from his mouth n the damp skin of my
back. He pulled out an inch and slid back in again. Then again.

The next time, he pulled out farther and drove back in harder. I

mewled, unable or unwilling to disobey him and move, and gripped
his fingers between my own. He kept my body and hands pinned to
the bed while he thrust inside me, harder and harder.

Our panting breaths and moans filled the air, joining the sound of

slapping skin. I groaned every time he slammed into me. My ass was
on fire, a bright lance of delicious pain which grabbed my cock in a
stranglehold where it was trapped between my body and the bed,
tightening my balls and making my inner muscles clench around
Barli’s cock.

My orgasm swept toward me, and I knew it was going to be like

nothing I had felt before.

“Barliii,” I whined, needing something more.
His hands tightened even more on mine, and his body pounded

into me harder. Then I was there.

My world went white.
I distantly heard his shout and felt him thrust into me one last

time, pumping his release as deep inside me as he could get, before
my mind floated away. I flew, in a haze of bliss, unaware of when he
released my hands, or when he pulled from inside my body. I did not
notice when he got something to wipe between my legs, or of him
moving me properly onto the bed.

That was so different from the indignity and the pain I had been

led to expect.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

I drifted off to sleep, perfectly content and at peace for the first

time in my life.

When I woke, fuzzy and warm from sleep, I expected him to be

curled around me as he had been when I went to sleep. The only thing
I could feel was the covers. I reached out blindly and felt cool sheets
in every direction. My eyes blinked open in my confused and sleepy
state and I saw I had to be near one edge from the amount of bed I
could see in front of me. There was no Barli though. Where is he? The
fire crackled loudly in the otherwise silent room.

I hadn’t imagined what had happened the night before, had I? I sat

up, feeling the aches and twinges in places I had never known could
feel that way. Gods, that feels good. No. No way I imagined that. My
blood was heading to my groin, but my brain continued to pick at the
puzzle of where Barli might be.

Rather carefully, I rose from the bed and put on my robe, which

had been left beside the bed. Huh. I thought I was wearing it when I
went to sleep. Barli must have removed it and placed it there for me. I
delighted in the sensation every movement pulled from my body as I
padded barefoot over to the door. Almost silently, I left the room and
went in search of my husband.

When I found him in my study, Barli was reading a book. A book?

When we could have been together? A little tremble of need ran
through my gut as I looked at him. I wanted him to take me again. He
didn’t look up. I stood there watching him for a minute or two. His
total lack of response to my presence disturbed me. He had to know I
was there. What was wrong?

“Barli?”
He glanced my way. His face was shuttered and completely

without expression. “Good morning, Prince Belden.”

That one stumped me. How should I respond to that? “Um…good

morning?”

His attention went back to the book he held. Okay, that wasn’t

irritating. Not at all.

Shadow’s Dagger

“Barli?”
“Yes, Prince Belden?”
“Prince Belden?” I echoed in bewilderment. “What happened to

Bel? You were calling me Bel last night.”

“Another thing that should never have happened.”
Another thing? What was he talking about? Surely he couldn’t

mean what had happened between us?

“Barli, what…?”
His shoulders stiffened. “I moved my things, what few I had here,

to another of the bedrooms. If it would be better for you, I can use
other rooms within the palace, or leave it altogether and return to my
house in Nilan’tori.”

Leave? Shock rolled over me and I thought the floor dropped

away. How was I still standing? But I was, I stood, frozen. He wanted
to leave me. I thought what had happened between us had been
wonderful. Obviously, he could not have felt more differently.

“No. I am sure whichever room you chose here will suffice.” I

clung to my dignity, though I wanted to fall to my knees beside him
and wrap myself around his legs, begging him to care for me again as
I thought he had begun to. Bereft, I turned and swept from the room
before the burning pressure in my eyes could erupt in a storm of tears.
I made my way blindly back to my sleeping chamber, crawled shakily
into the bed, and muffled my sobs beneath the covers.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Six

Barli

After Belden fell asleep in my arms, I reluctantly pulled away

from him. I had no words to describe the horror I felt at how I had just
treated the sweetest man I had ever met. It had been many years since
I had cried, but my eyes prickled with unshed tears as I quietly got my
clothes together and carried them through into one of the other
bedrooms.

Bel had been trying to get away from me, and I threw him down

and took him like an animal. The cold weight of guilt and shame
settled in my stomach. How could I have treated someone I was
growing to care so much about like a whore? Worse, because I would
not even take a whore like that, without their consent. I had not been
thinking about him in that way at the time, but gods, I was so rough. It
had been his first time. How could I have done that? I did not care
that his words were what had goaded me into doing what I had, it was
no excuse.

Another guilt plagued me also. Even if he could find it in himself

to forgive me for what I had just done, how would I ever be able to
tell him who I really was, and what had brought me to the palace and
him in the first place? He came to find me the next morning. Our
stilted and awkward conversation confirmed for me that I had done
the right thing in moving to another room before he had woken. It had
been easier for him than if I had waited for him to ask me to leave. I
did not want to leave him altogether, though I would if he asked it of
me, but wanted to be close enough to look after him should he need it.

Shadow’s Dagger

Time began to drag by. Moment by moment, the hours lasted

days, but before I knew it, a month had gone and we were still barely
talking to each other. He spoke to me when he had to, when there was
anyone else around, but when it was just us he wouldn’t even look in
my direction. I could not blame him. I relegated myself to acting like
another one of his guards whenever we left our rooms. I went
everywhere with him, on high alert for any and all dangers.

Belden’s brother, Korin, had been kidnapped. The whole palace,

and even the city beyond, I guessed, was in total uproar. But as I
never left Bel’s side, it was difficult to judge the mood of the city.
The guard was in force everywhere we went in the palace. As well as
the additional men posted around the grounds and hallways, each
member of the family had their own contingent, who escorted them
everywhere, doubled. It was extremely frustrating. For me, they were
only more people to be wary of and watchful over. Even if he never
spoke to me when in our rooms, at least he was safe there.

Something had changed with Bel, but I could not figure out what

it was. He seemed calmer, as if he had come to some sort of decision.
He was also eating properly, without prompting, for the first time.
Then one day, he went to see the king. I went with him, as I did
everywhere. I could not keep him safe if I was not with him.

He rapped on the door and waited to be admitted.
“Come in.”
Belden turned the handle and opened the door, walking through.

He left the door open for me, used to me shadowing him by now even
if he was not all that happy about it.

“Belden, what can I do for you?” The king sat with Maulen, head

of the city guard, discussing something over a map. I recognised
Maulen from my initial reconnaissance for my now abandoned
mission. He was older than the king, though not by a lot. He was
maybe fifty years old, still muscle-bound, though with greying hair
which he kept short.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

The king looked tired and heartsick. Trantin, never far from his

husband, watched us enter from behind another desk.

“If I might have a word, Your Majesty?” Belden asked.
Nilan’s tail, what is he going to say? I quietly panicked, but

allowed nothing of it to show. Was he going to report me to the king
for what I did to him? He can’t, I won’t be able to protect him if they
separate me from him! The walls pressed in on me and my breathing
sped.

“Of course. Maulen, would you give us a moment?”
The older man rose and left the room. Bel appeared unsure of

himself for a moment, but then he straightened his shoulders and
didn’t waste any more time. Oh, here it comes. As soon as the door
clicked shut behind Maulen, Belden spoke.

“Sire, I apologise for the timing, but I wish to report the success of

my marriage.”

What? Is he joking? What could possibly be described as

successful about what was going on between us?

“That is good, Belden.” The king gave Bel a sad smile. “Thank

you for letting me know.” A spasm of pain twisted his face.

Bel stepped closer to the king. “We will get him back, Sir.” Bel’s

voice was low, and almost desperate.

“I have to believe that,” the king replied. “I do not know what I

will do if I do not get my boy back.” His shoulders slumped in defeat.

Trantin rose from his seat and walked quickly over to Rydan. He

crouched next to the king’s chair and began speaking to him in a quiet
voice. He took the king’s hand and rubbed a thumb over the back as
he spoke.

I felt as though we were intruding on a private moment. Bel must

have felt the same, because he gave a small bow and turned, leaving
the room.

Outside, Maulen waited with the king and Trantin’s guards. Bel

asked him to give the king a few minutes before reentering the room.
It was a typically thoughtful gesture on Bel’s part.

Shadow’s Dagger

My narrowed eyes were fixed on Belden’s back as we walked the

corridors back to our rooms. I needed to know what on all Hari that
was about back there. The footfalls of our accompanying guard, loud
on the stone floor, echoed along the hallways. I was glad they walked
behind me, and in front of Belden, and could not see my face. My
customary mask was slipping badly and I did not care.

The only other time I have lost control of myself so badly in the

last dozen years was a month before on the night I fucked up so badly
with Belden, which cost me any chance at winning his heart. Since
then, no matter how much of me screamed for him to be closer, I had
stepped back and given him the lead and as much space as he needed.
He looked lost. I didn’t know how much more I could stand. But it
wasn’t about me. It was about him and his needs. I wished I knew
what I could do to help him. So used to controlling everything around
me, I didn’t know how to cope with my current situation. Right now,
though, I needed to know what was going on.

“Belden,” I said, once inside our rooms. I spoke rather more

forcefully than I meant to. He stopped. I could see the shiver which
ran through him from several feet away, and I gentled my tone. “What
was that about? With the king.”

“What do you mean?” His back was all stiff lines.
How can he not know what I am talking about?
He swung around to glare at me. “I am carrying! What else about

this”—he gestured between us wildly then threw his hands up in
disgust—“could I possibly be calling successful?” Although he was
echoing my earlier thoughts, from when we had been with the king,
his words still cut deep. “I am tired. I am going to rest.” He turned
and stormed off in the direction of his sleeping chamber, leaving me
stunned and silent in his wake.

Carrying.
Pregnant.
That one time between us—which should have been soft, gentle,

and giving, but was instead hard, rough, and almost violent—created

Violet Joicey-Cowen

life? I feel sick. That is not how it should have happened. It had been
the most amazing sex I had ever experienced, but it was not how it
should have been for him. He must hate me now.

Oh, Bel. I am sorry.
Over the months which followed, I watched as his belly rounded,

and then began to expand in earnest. He was eating properly at last.
The decent covering of flesh over his delicate frame attested to that. I
tried to do things for him, reaching out, but he rejected my efforts
every time, even when his belly grew large and he became unwieldy.
I could not blame him for being unable to forgive me, though it
wrenched at my heart every time he turned from me or looked away.
Once he could no longer do certain things for himself, he took to
briefly letting in a few of the palace servants so they could help out
around our rooms with things he refused to ask me for help with. I
longed to feel my son moving within his rounded belly whenever Bel
reacted to a particularly strong kick, but did not wish to push myself
upon Bel’s good nature.

There was no sign of Korin. Korin’s husband, Ansen, who used to

be one of Korin’s guard, was destroyed. He barely showed himself at
the palace, spending all his time out on searches for any clue as to
Korin’s whereabouts, but so far there was nothing.

Belden’s other brother was also pregnant. Little Glare was simply

enormous. His stomach was almost ridiculously huge. Seven months
after the end of the Choosing, he looked as though his tiny frame
would be toppled over by the additional weight of his bump.

I could hardly believe some days that the bulge at Belden’s waist

contained my son. Our son. Bel was so beautiful. I would give
anything to be able to lay my hand on the curve of his stomach and
feel our son moving inside him, and to hold him close at night,
cradled in my arms. I had accepted now that my initial attraction to
Bel had given way to an irrevocable and deeply binding love. I loved
him with all my heart, but I could never allow myself to touch him
again.

Shadow’s Dagger

Belden was going over some reports of unusual goings-on in the

North, when I heard a strange sound from the direction of his sleeping
chamber. It was early morning, but Bel liked to stay busy, or maybe it
was just that he liked to keep himself occupied to avoid having to talk
to me.

My head snapped up from the book I had been trying to read. I

jumped to my feet, discarding the book onto my chair without
looking, but it fell to the floor, hitting with a thud. That was careless. I
should not have let it fall like that and made a noise of my own which
may have alerted whoever was in our rooms to my knowledge of their
presence.

Bel glanced over at me in surprise and opened his mouth to ask

me something, but I held a finger to my lips, asking him to stay quiet.
Did he not hear that?

I moved silently toward the fireplace and lowered myself to the

floor so I could peer out through its open structure into the hall
beyond. The door to Bel’s sleeping chamber opened, and someone
walked out, not even trying to be quiet. Then I heard Cesteru’s deep
voice.

“Belden? Barli? Where are you?” How did he get into our rooms?

Into the very one where Bel sleeps? I got back to my feet again.

“In here,” Bel called. He didn’t sound as surprised as he should

that there was someone in his rooms without his express permission. I
was instantly suspicious of why.

Cesteru burst into the room. His eyes sparkled in his darkly

handsome face and his smile was huge, teeth bright white against his
dark skin. “Korin is back! Both of you, come quickly!”

Oh, thank the gods! I had been hiding my fear, even from myself,

that the woman I had met had somehow gotten her hands on him. I
did not know if I should have told everyone about her, or kept her
existence to myself. Would it have done any good in the search for
him? I felt guilty for not telling the king. But how could I have done
so without giving away who I was and why I had been there? If I had,

Violet Joicey-Cowen

they would all have known, and I might have never seen Belden
again. No, I could not have done that.

I had watched and waited. If there had been any sign of her, or

someone working for her, I would have confessed everything I knew,
but there had been nothing.

Belden got slowly to his feet, his speed hampered by his increased

size. He looked so hopeful that it was almost painful to see. I followed
them through to Belden’s sleeping chamber. What were we doing in
there?

What is that?
Horror swept over me in icy waves when I noticed that one of the

bookshelves had swung back into a recess, leaving an opening into a
passageway I knew nothing about. How could I not have known about
secret ways into our rooms? Are there others? I was angry with
myself because the possibility had not occurred to me. I berated
myself all the way through the passages to Korin’s rooms. I had
thought him safe when we were in our rooms. Stupid.

Cesteru was surprisingly light on his feet for such a large man.

Though Belden slowed us considerably, it still did not take long
before we reached our destination.

The reunion between the three brothers was wonderful to see, but

it highlighted the distance between Bel and I. Korin and Ansen, and
Glare and Cesteru, were so obviously happy together that it brought a
lump to my throat. I could not look at Bel for fear that he would see
through to what lay in my heart. I did not want him to feel threatened
by my longing for him.

Korin had been rescued by one of the men I remembered from the

Choosing. A fairly tall but slim man with dirty-blond hair, named
Nerowis. He had had the help of some of the people who worked on
his family’s estate, and they had all come to the palace with Korin.
One of the maids even had a young baby of her own, and was now
milk-mother to Korin and Ansen’s son. Yes, Korin had given birth
while he was away, but as it turned out, the fact that he had been away

Shadow’s Dagger

when he had done so, removed him from the running for the crown.
Korin appeared relieved when he found that out.

The man responsible for the kidnapping had been Nerowis’s

brother, and a large contingent of the guard was sent after him.

About a month after Korin’s return, both Bel and Glare went into

labour within hours of each other.

Glare gave birth to his babies first, two of them. No wonder he

had been so huge. It did not matter to me that Glare giving birth
before Bel removed the possibility of Bel becoming king one day. All
that mattered was that Bel gave birth safely and he and the child were
all right. I felt a tinge of relief actually. Keeping Bel safe would be
marginally easier if he was not king. Also, as vulnerable as he
seemed, I did not know if he would deal well with the stresses of
ruling a country.

Belden took more time to birth our son. I had to wait outside the

room he was taken to, pacing and worrying for what seemed like
years. Finally, I heard the squall of a newborn. My heart thumped
painfully in my chest. I am a father. But how was his other father? I
needed to know.

Eventually, two of the birthing women ushered me into the room.

The room was about the same size as Bel’s sleeping chamber, but that
was about all I noticed about it as I focussed immediately on Bel
himself. He lay in the middle of a normal size bed, not an enormous
one like in his room, and he looked exhausted. His usually olive
complexion looked too pale, and his eyes were ringed by dark circles.
He appeared so small and fragile in the bed that my heart clenched.

There were no less than seven women fluttering around him. Plus

another four over in one corner, where I had to assume they were
looking after our son, and the two who came to get me.

Bel looked uncomfortable with all the fuss. Too many people. He

never did like lots of people around him like that. He had hated it at
the Choosing, too. Couldn’t they see he needed quiet and to be able to
rest?

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Instead of going over to him, I walked to where I could hear the

fidgety cries of a new baby. There weren’t four women there, there
were five. The one I could not see before was sitting down. She must
have been the baby’s milk-mother because she was trying to get him
to nurse. They all looked up at me in surprise.

“You, and you”—I pointed to the one holding my son, and one of

the others—“can stay. I would like everyone else to go.” I then
walked over to the bed where Bel looked so tense with all the people
hovering over him. I pointed at only one woman this time. She was
older than most of them, and less fluttery. “You can stay, but go over
there with them for now. Everyone else needs to leave the room and
let the prince get some rest.”

Collectively, the women exploded with a flurry of noise and

protests, but I stayed firm and soon they were all gone. The last
woman I told could stay had gone over to join the other two, looking
after the baby. My son now nursed happily. It seemed he didn’t like
too many people around him either, like his birthing father. Now it
was quieter in the room, he had calmed and settled in for his first
feed.

“How are you?” I looked right at Bel as I asked him, and I saw the

wince he tried to hide. He lay on his back, propped up a little by some
pillows.

“I’m all right. Tired.”
“Get some rest. You should be able to sleep without all the noise

now.”

“Thank you.” He gave me a small smile, but it was a genuine one.

It was the first time he had looked at me that way since he took me as
his husband.

A tiny spark of hope lit in my chest, that at the very least we

might go back to developing the friendship we had started before the
Choosing ended. I tried to tamp it down, but I didn’t succeed very
well.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Seven

Belden

Barli had been so attentive since I gave birth to our son. His

behaviour over the last months confused me so much, and I no longer
know how to act around him. I thought I knew how he felt about me. I
thought he wanted nothing more to do with me after that single night
we had.

Gods, that night.
I bit my lip, concentrating on the pain of it to distract my thoughts

away from ones which would surely harden my cock and bring me
nearly to the point of begging Barli to climb into bed with me the
moment he arrived.

My son currently nestled in my arms, though. I had to stifle an

inappropriate giggle at my equally inappropriate thoughts. I laid my
son down on his back on the bed beside me, and snuggled down under
the covers. I curled around him and played with his fingers. They
were so tiny. I could hardly believe how small his fingernails were,
and how delicate. A wispy cap of my dark hair covered his scalp, and
his blue eyes looked, to me at least, as though they would stay that
colour. They were Barli’s eyes. I thought he had Barli’s nose, too,
though my mouth. He was asleep, and I did not want to wake him, but
I wanted to see those eyes. He was the most amazing thing I had ever
seen.

My son was a week old and I was getting impatient with being

stuck there in that bed. I wanted to return to my rooms. I wanted to be
close to Barli again. As close as I could be, anyway, with him

Shadow’s Dagger

sleeping in another chamber. At the moment he was only near me
during the day. But he watched over me and our son, getting me
anything I might need and paying so close attention that he often
knew what I might want before I had the chance to ask. If only he had
been like that in our first months together we might not now have
been stuck in this strange, distanced relationship where he hovered
over me but refused to get close.

There was so much I had wanted from him then, and still did if I

was honest with myself. He had shown every sign of being disgusted
with what we did together, with what he did to me. He left me that
night, before I even woke up. I had woken the next morning, happy
and excited, expecting to see his head on the pillow next to mine, but
he had taken his things and moved them to another room. My heart
had shattered at the cold distain he had felt for what, to me, had been
the most thrilling experience of my life.

I couldn’t look at him after that. How could I? When he had made

his feelings so plain, and mine so vastly different. I could barely stand
to look at him for fear that he would see the longing in me. I had to
learn to cope with the feelings I had for him, without him. But now he
was here all the day. Not just physically close, as before, but so
considerate and thoughtful in his constant care of me.

It was early in the day, and Barli was not here yet. Apart from our

son and myself, the only other person in the room was my son’s milk-
mother. She was a nice, motherly woman and we got along well
enough. She had two sons in the guard, Tanir and Tirin, as well as one
more boy and two girls who varied in age down to little two-year-old
Tira. Grella had lost two of her children in the plague which swept
through Nilan’tori ten years before. There were not many families
which had been left untouched by it.

Not all Grella’s children stayed with her in the palace, only the

youngest. The others stayed at home, looked after by Grella’s
husband, with the aid of her twelve-year-old daughter. The girl comes

Violet Joicey-Cowen

and gets Tira during the day, leaving Grella’s attention and milk
supply to my son.

That day we finally got word from the men who had been sent to

take Korin’s kidnapper into custody. With it being possible to reach
the estate in less than a day when travelling at a fast pace, we had
expected to hear from them weeks ago, but there had been nothing so
far. As it turned out, there had been good reason for that.

We all gathered to hear the report.
Doruwen, Nerowis’s brother, and the man to kidnap mine, was

dead. When Maulen’s men had arrived at the estate, they had found
Doruwen dying in his study. He had been gutted by someone’s sword,
but had managed to get himself to his study, literally holding his guts
inside his body. The guard who had been sent, had followed his
bloody trail to the study from where it began in one of the halls,
where he must have been attacked. He had written a letter to his
brother.

“Nero,
For all I have done, to you and the prince, I could never express

my sorrow or make up for any of it and I no longer have the time to
try.

When I was a child and I went on a trip with father, we were taken

prisoner by a woman. She put father to sleep, and he remembered
none of it but to me she did other things, things which made my mind
hers. Afterward, I was different. I did so many horrible things to so
many people, but none of it was me. I am dying, but my mind is my
own for the first time in many years. Her guards did this to me. They
were never my men, merely sent to do my bidding at her command
while I was under her control. She wanted a foothold in Nilan’dane,
and through me she had one, a way to get her men into the country
and keep them there. I do not know if there are others. After I arrived
home and realised you had disappeared with the prince, her men
found me, did this, and left me for dead.

Shadow’s Dagger

The woman who held us is very dangerous. I never knew much

about her, but she has an army, and powers you would not be able to
believe. She is completely dedicated to bringing down our country
and most especially the king and every one of his relatives.

Hurts now. Probably think I deserve it. Gods, I do. He isn’t dead,

Nero! He isn’t dead. I’m sorry. Father is, and Gendin, yes. They are
gone. He isn’t though, brother. Sold him. Sorry, so sorry. Sent to
Rativa. Had to let you know. Always loved you.”

The rest of the letter descended into incoherency. The paper it was

written on had smears of blood, and the writing had been streaked
with a few tears, but it was mostly readable.

All the members of my family—except for the young ones,

though they were nearby—were in one of the meeting rooms. The
letter from Doruwen had been passed around the table, after Nerowis
had read it and with his permission.

Nerowis sat in silence for a long time while people read, before

getting up and leaving the room without another word.

Ansen cleared his throat after reading, reaching out for Korin’s

hand, where it lay on the table.

“Whoever Doruwen might have been without that woman’s

influence, I am glad he is gone.” Korin turned his hand over, and I
could see him gripping Ansen’s hand back tightly. “Of course, I am
sorry for what Nerowis is going through, but I feel better about
Korin’s safety.” Ansen wasn’t looking at anyone, but down at the
dark wooden surface of the table. Korin covered their clasped hands
with his other, Ansen looked at him, and Korin smiled back gently.
Korin did not need to say anything else. Ansen understood him.

I wanted what they have so badly. They had always been close,

but since Korin chose him, Ansen’s feelings for him were so obvious.
I wanted the same with Barli, but I did not think that will ever be
possible. I swallowed my pain, happy for my brother.

The king and Maulen were talking with another man while my

attention was on my brother and his husband. I knew I should have

Violet Joicey-Cowen

been listening, so I did my best to concentrate on what was going on
around me.

“Then we turned and went back to the estate. They had

disappeared completely. We didn’t think we should go after them for
too long without more men and supplies, so we went back and
secured the house and lands. Half of our number are still there
awaiting further instruction.”

“How are the workers and tenants on the estate?” Rydan asked.
“Scared, Sir. They would not talk to any of us much, but I think it

was just because between Doruwen and those warriors of his, or
rather of the woman he spoke of, they were just too scared to. The
only things any of them really did want to talk about was asking after
the welfare of Nerowis, Bauli, Cinna, and the boy called Galin. Are
the others well, Sir?”

“They are. Galin is working in the stables. Cinna is milk-mother

to young Prince Anin, Prince Korin’s son. And Bauli…” The king
paused, and a grin broke out across his face. “Bauli and my sire are
getting on very well.”

“Uh…that…is good, Sir?”
The king laughed at the confused half statement half question.

“Oh yes, that is good. My sire has been lonely since my father died,
and before that, I think. If they can find happiness together, it would
please me very much.” It was strange to see the changes the king had
gone through since Korin’s kidnapping. He used to be a stern, taciturn
man, but now he was openly caring toward his husband and their son.
He laughed more after Kor came back, and seemed so much more
approachable to everyone. It was as though the grief that he felt at
nearly losing Kor stripped away his cold, outer layer, allowing us all
to see the man beneath.

I wondered, if my father and sire had lived, would their

relationship have ever changed like Rydan and Trantin’s. I doubted it.
Rydan and Trantin’s relationship had always been cold and distant,
but my parents’ had been…unpleasant. I shrugged inwardly. It did not

Shadow’s Dagger

matter now, I supposed. They were long dead, along with Rydan’s
birthing father, both of Glare’s parents, and so many of the rest of the
city. The city recovered from the plague, but many families were
broken. Kor, Glare, and I were lucky to escape. At the first sign of the
sickness, we were sequestered with some of the maids, and enough
food to see us through.

“I would imagine Nerowis will want to return to the estate. With

his brother dead—”

“Father,” Kor interrupted Rydan, still staring at the piece of paper.

The letter rested on the table in front of him. “I need to go talk to
Nerowis.”

“What is it, Korin?”
Korin looked up. “Sir, when Doruwen had me, he would come in

and talk to me, in the early months at least. That is, before my
stomach grew too much. He didn’t like being around me after that. I
just remembered something he said once that I need to tell Nerowis,
something which may have to do with this person Doruwen says isn’t
dead. I believe I may know who he is talking about. If I am right, then
I need to go talk to him right away.” Kor’s voice cracked, and he was
looking very emotional.

“Then go, my son. Ansen, go with him, and take your guard with

you both. This man might be dead, but if he spoke the truth in this
letter, then we need to be more vigilant than ever about our safety.
Even here in the palace.” The king’s gaze followed his son and Ansen
as they left the room. Then he turned to Glare and Cesteru.

“Everyone in this room can be trusted. Cesteru, do you know of

anything which could control someone’s mind like Doruwen spoke
of?”

The big man thought for some moments before beginning to speak

in his deep, gravelly voice. “I know of no magic that would enable
someone to take over another’s mind and have complete control of it.
You cannot make a person into a puppet. However, if you got hold of
someone young enough, they could be twisted to a purpose, their

Violet Joicey-Cowen

natural will subverted. But their mind would always be fighting
against what you had done, and the conflict could manifest in strange
ways, much like the things Doruwen did. If he had been a good
person originally, and was forced to do another’s bidding—not by
them taking over his mind as such, but by implanting certain
commands, dark feelings and desires, the need to obey—then the
moment he began to die, the spells on him would have begun to fade.”
Cesteru leaned forward over the table, resting his elbows on the table.
He laced most of his fingers together with his index fingers pressed in
a point up against his lips between sentences as he thought over what
he was trying to explain.

“It would take great strength and ability for someone to have that

kind of power, to twist a person’s soul. The only person I have ever
even heard of with the ability to do that kind of dark magic was
Kinom’s bond-mage, Fingara’dax.”

Beside me, Barli flinched noticeably. I glanced his way. His

breathing had sped and he looked panicked. What is wrong with him?

“Barli?” I questioned, unsure of myself. Did he know something?

Shadow’s Dagger

Chapter Eight

Barli

Well, this was it. The time had come for me to speak, to tell my

story. I had to say something, I knew I did, but how to find the words?
My breath came in quick, short pants, and for once I did not care that
others would be able to tell what I was feeling.

“Barli?” Belden was looking at me strangely. I looked away,

unable to meet his eyes because of what I was about to say.

“Sire.” I spoke loudly, getting the king’s attention. Even the night

my family was attacked, I do not think I felt as scared as I did in that
moment. I truly cared about someone for the first time in many years,
and I was probably about to destroy any hope I had of ever seeing
them again, let alone any hope of them ever returning my feelings.
But it was about his safety now, and I had to see him safe at any cost.
Everyone looked my way, and I had to swallow in an attempt to
dislodge the hard lump from my suddenly dry throat before I could
say anything.

“I think you all know that I did not choose to follow in my

father’s footsteps as Osuri in Persandin. That was not exactly the
truth. My father was High-Osuri, but when I was eight years old, my
father was murdered.

“Our family home was attacked. The only thing they seemed to

want, was to kill all the males in my family. I looked enough like my
twin sister for them to believe we were both girls, so they left me
alone. They stabbed my pregnant mother in the stomach, killing her
unborn child. She lived, but only because a twist lived in the village

Violet Joicey-Cowen

who had the ability to heal. It was too late for the child, who had been
a girl anyway, we found.” I remembered running through the dark
streets, in my blood-covered nightshift for the woman, thinking it
would take too long to rouse a servant to go for her. The servants who
had been awake at the time of the attack had all been too panicked or
were hurt from trying to defend my father.

Everyone in the room had gone silent, and was listening intently

to my story. Some appeared sympathetic for what had happened to
my family. Some looked angry. They would like what I had to say
next even less.

I took a deep breath, getting a hint of Belden’s fragrant hair

cleanser from where he sat next to me. “My sister and I had hidden
underneath the bed. They had spotted us, but after dragging Zana out,
seeing she was a girl, and getting a brief look at me, they left us alone.
I crawled out from under the bed to go and check on my mother, who
was crumpled in a heap on the floor of Zana’s sleeping chamber. That
was when one of the men came back. He saw me kneeling next to my
mother. I do not know why he came back, as the others had all left.

“He came toward me, got a good look, and realised I was not the

girl he had first thought. He grabbed me by the hair and lifted me
from my mother’s side. I could hear my sister’s screams from under
the bed. I could smell his sweat, the leather of his boots, and what I
now know was the metallic tang of blood. He smiled at me. I
remember flailing around with my arms, trying to grab the hand
which was in my hair so that it would not be holding all my weight
and hurt so much. He laughed. That was when I saw the knife at his
belt. He stopped laughing when I took his knife and drove it up
through the underneath of his jaw, into his skull.”

Shock and horror filled the silence around me. I had to forge

ahead and tell it all, there was no going back now.

“He was the first man I killed, but he was far from the last.

Without my father, my mother and sister were defenceless. Bandits
raided our home several times over the following years. They learned

Shadow’s Dagger

to leave us alone after a while when several of them were killed in
their raids. I worked hard at learning different ways to kill, so that I
could protect my family. I got very good at it. Eventually, certain
people began to notice and hire me to do jobs for them. It was so easy
at first, because no one ever suspected me, when I was still a child, of
being a threat. I got used to acting as unthreatening as possible. I was
good at that, too.

“By the time I was fifteen, word had spread. Demand for my

services as an assassin for hire was high. I could pick and choose my
jobs as I wanted. I tried to always make sure the people I had been
hired to kill were ones who deserved to die. I would not kill innocents
after what had happened to my family. But the people I accepted
payment from were rarely blameless themselves. I was able to hire
proper guards to keep my mother and her home safe.

“Someone contacted me, and I met up with them to find out about

a job I took on about six months before the Choosing. I was supposed
to get close to this family and kill you all.”

Until now, everyone had been almost spellbound by my tale, but

this revelation shocked the old guardsman into reacting.

Maulen pushed to his feet and his hand went to his sword. I held

my hands up then placed them flat on the table, in full view.

“If I had been going to go through with the job, I have had many

chances to complete it by now. As I said, I will only complete a job if
I believe the person I have been hired to kill is a bad person and
deserves it. You do not. None of you. Far from killing any of you, I
want to ensure the safety of every last one of you.” I looked around,
meeting every pair of eyes in the room to impress upon them the
seriousness of my commitment to what I was saying.

“The only reason I have for telling all of you this, is because of

the woman who hired me. She claimed your family had killed
someone very dear to her a long time ago, and she needed me to bring
you to justice for it, but because of who you were, no one would go
against you by normal means. She was never clear who in the family

Violet Joicey-Cowen

was the one to have done the killing, or exactly who it was that had
dies, but I could tell her pain and rage were real. I just did not know
how old her anger was. I never knew the name of Kinom’s Bond-
mage before, but this woman called herself Gara. She was filled with
hate for all of you.

“After hearing what Cesteru said, and what happened to Doruwen

when he was young, I think her full name may just be Fingara’dax. I
also think that the person she lost was her dragon, Kinom. If she is
indeed Fingara’dax, and a mage, then her magic is still just as strong,
even after a thousand years because she still appears to be a young
woman.”

I waited a few moments after I finished my speech before looking

around at everyone again. I kept my hands in view, knowing that any
sudden movement from me at that time would appear threatening
after what I had just revealed. No one said anything for a long time.
Bel stared at me with wide, terrified eyes. The king scowled angrily.
Glare was impossible to read.

There have been a few times in the nearly ten months I have been

living among them that I have caught an unexpectedly sharp
expression on Glare’s face when he looked at me. There had also been
something about the way he moved, before he became ungainly with
the children he had been carrying, which nagged at me. I stared at his
inscrutable face for a moment. Then it hit me. I knew what his
movements and some of his mannerisms reminded me of, or rather
who they reminded me of.

My grandfather, and others I know in the brotherhood.
I did not allow my astonishment onto my face. If Prince Glaren

was truly a member of the brotherhood, then that was his secret to
keep or reveal, not mine. I suppose the bubbly, bouncy, and dreamy
front Glare presented to the world was just as much a cover as my
own soft, overly feminine, and unthreatening manner. Still, I had to
work hard to hide my surprise.

Shadow’s Dagger

The more I thought about it, the more I became convinced of the

truth of my sudden belief. Glare was a member of the brotherhood.
How that happened, I had no idea, but I was itching to know. It would
annoy me until I found out. If I was given the chance to find out, that
was. If I was not locked up after all this, away from Bel. Please, no. I
need to be around him to protect him. My heart thudded.

“If no one else will speak, I will,” Cesteru said. I think everyone

else was too shocked by all I had said to be able to react much.
“Whatever is to be done about all you have said about yourself—if
what you suspect about the woman who hired you is true, then we are
all in very deep trouble. Fingara’dax was, or is, an incredibly strong
mage.

“She was not only Dragon-borne, but a Star-borne mage before

that. After Kinom chose her, and she joined the ranks of the Dax, she
became one of the strongest mages ever known. When Nilan killed
Kinom, she went insane, going into a rage and killing thousands of
people where she lived in Birindaw before she was thought to have
killed herself to join him.”

“But Nilan was only defending herself, and our country,” Glare

put in.

“That may have been true, but it was not how Fingara’dax saw it.

She believed that Nilan wilfully and maliciously murdered Kinom
without provocation, merely for intruding on her territory. Then with
Nilan having caught the blood-plague from Kinom, and being the last
of the dragons to die, she had no target at whom to direct her anger,
other than the family ruling the country Nilan had been protecting. If
she has been lying in wait, all this time, and still wants what she
believes is justified revenge, I care not to think on how her anger must
have built over the centuries.” He sighed in frustration. “If only the
dragons were still around, we might have had some hope of defeating
her. But without them, and the Dax, I do not know what to do.”

And that, right there, was what I knew I could do to help. If they

let me.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“I know a man by the name of Dax.” I was not about to tell any of

them that he was my grandfather.

Cesteru’s jaw dropped. “What? That is impossible! What is the

rest of his name?” he leaned further forward in his seat.

“His name is Dax’purri.”
This time, Cesteru was stunned into silence. He opened and closed

his mouth a few times, unable to speak. I did not know why that had
shocked him quite so much. Did he know something about my
grandfather that I did not?

“What is it?” Glare reached out to his husband, touching him

gently on the arm.

“They aren’t dead.”
“Who?”
“The dragons. They aren’t all dead.” His voice was flat, and

devoid of emotion. He looked too shocked.

The room erupted, everyone talking at once.
“What?”
“How can that be true?”
“No!”
“Of course they are all dead.”
“How can you say that?”
“What makes you think that?” There were other things said, but

that last question came from beside me, from Bel. His voice was lost
in the rest of the noise, so he repeated his question louder.

“Cesteru, what makes you think that?”
“His name.” Cesteru’s hand trembled as he reached for the wine-

filled goblet in front of him and took a sip. “Dax means dragon. It was
usually added to the end of a person’s name to indicate that they were
bond-mage to a dragon. Purri means blood, in the old tongue. There
were very few who totally abandoned their original name. Together,
Dax’purri means dragon blooded. It was rather more of a title than a
true name, and it would mean someone who carried the memories of
the dragons in their blood, to pass on the memories to the next

Shadow’s Dagger

generation when they hatched. They would have been linked to the
eggs. If there were no more eggs, or if the Dax’purri had passed on
their memories, they began to age as normal again and then died. I do
not know all the details, but if there is a Dax’purri, then somewhere
there are eggs waiting to hatch.”

Again, there was a long pause before anyone said anything.

Eventually, the king spoke.

“I will need to think on all this for a couple of days. If this woman

has waited for a thousand years, then I do not think she will launch an
all-out attack in the next few days.” The king stood and then looked
directly at me. I had to battle with my nerves not to look away. “I am
not sure why, but I believe what you say about having abandoned the
job you were hired to do.” His gaze flicked to Bel, and then back to
me again. “It will be up to Belden, though, whether or not he wants to
move on with your marriage. If he does not wish to, then I will
support him in his choice and you will be moved elsewhere, out of his
rooms.”

I wordlessly nodded my understanding. I could not quite believe

that the king trusted my word after learning about what I have done
with my life so far. Bel, I cannot face.

I still do not think Bel would ever be able to find it in himself to

forgive me for how I treated him when I took his body, or even that
he should. Now there was this on top? A cold pit of dread replaced
my stomach. Would he ever allow me to be alone with him ever
again? Would I get the chance to regain his trust?

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Nine

Belden

I reeled from all the information which had been uncovered in the

meeting. In addition to the original purpose of hearing how things had
gone at Nerowis’s family estate, we then found out that not only did
we have a formidable enemy intent on destroying all of us, and that
the dragons might not be gone forever after the blood-plague which
had killed the last of them a thousand years ago, but also that my
husband, the father of my child and the man I was head-over-heels in
love with, was an assassin who had been hired to kill us all.

How could I even think that, though? How could I be in love with

a man I plainly knew nothing about?

Through the ringing in my ears, I heard Cesteru speak to the king.

“Sire, if I may, I need to go to the Oracle’s Hall to do some research.”

“Of course. I hope you find what you need. As you will know,

there is not much from before the war. Take some of the guards with
you. Stay safe.”

As he left, Korin and Ansen returned.
“What did I miss?” Korin asked.
We all just looked at him.
The meeting broke up, and we all went our separate ways. I had

gathered up Grella and my son, and gone to Korin’s rooms. I needed
my brother’s council, and I was anxious to talk to him.

“And that is where you came in, asking what you had missed.”

Shadow’s Dagger

“Wow. I really did miss a lot. Oh, brother, what are you going to

do?” Korin asked, going right for the issue which was bothering me
the most.

“I don’t know.” I laughed a little hysterically.
“Do you care for him?” he prodded softly. We were alone in his

room, sitting on the bed he shared with Ansen, as we had when we
were boys. Our babies were in one of the other rooms with Grella and
Cinna. Ansen had gone off to do something, so we could have some
privacy and time to talk.

“Oh, Kor, I care for him so much.” My throat was painful, and my

eyes burned.

“Do you love him?”
“I think I do. But how can I? What am I going to do?” I felt

reluctant to voice how strong my true feelings for Barli were to
anyone but him.

“Have you told him?” Kor seemed to see right through my attempt

at keeping my feelings private.

I looked at him in horror. “Told him? How can I tell him

something like that?”

“It’s what people do when they love each other, Bel.”
“But…but…” I didn’t even know what my objection really was

and trailed off. I couldn’t sort it out in my own head, so how could I
explain it to Korin? I could never make that move and tell Barli, not
first. Not when he didn’t want me like that. I couldn’t even tell my
brother that my husband and I did not share a bed. How was I
supposed to say to that husband that I loved him? Why would he ever
believe it? And would it even matter if he did? I really didn’t think it
would. I had to keep it to myself and hope that someday there might
be some sign that his feelings were changing. It was the only thing I
could do. After seeing the love between Kor and Ansen, and hearing
my brother speak of the love he had for his husband, who back then
had merely been the head of his guard, I had realised what was
possible between two people. I fell so hard for Barli, and I was not

Violet Joicey-Cowen

even sure when it had happened. I wanted his love so badly though,
and I would wait for it forever, for him.

“You need to at least talk to him, Bel. If you can forgive him for

the reason he came here in the first place, he needs to know that you
do not want him gone from your life.” He was right. The thought of
Barli not being in my life anymore scared me more than talking to
him did just then.

Korin told me that Nerowis was leaving to go back to his family’s

estate and take charge of things there. Some more of the city guard
would be going with him and take further instructions to the ones who
were still there. They were to stay there for now and ensure the
situation there was stable, and the men who had supposedly been
working for Doruwen, but who had really been under that woman’s
control, did not return. He was going to keep in touch and was taking
a letter charm with him to make it easier for him to contact Korin.

Doruwen’s ramblings at the end of the letter, about the person he

claimed wasn’t dead, needed investigating. Korin told me his
suspicions. There had been a man, who Nerowis had loved, who had
reportedly died in a carriage accident with Nerowis’s father and the
estate steward, a man named Gendin who had been the father of
Nerowis’s love. If that was the man that Doruwen had claimed was
not dead, and it was indeed the truth, then Nerowis would go to any
lengths he had to, to find him.

The next day, I woke up with an intense need to move back to my

rooms. I had fully healed from giving birth days ago, and it was more
than time. I felt an inordinate amount of gratitude toward the mage
who had put the spell on our ancestor. The spell may have backfired
and carried over to all his descendants, but it also ensured our bodies
returned to our pre-pregnancy state very quickly after we gave birth.

My son had woken early, and so Grella, Tira, and I had woken up

along with him. I decided to waste no more time, and got the few
things we needed together and left immediately following his feed. As

Shadow’s Dagger

we walked along the corridors to my rooms, my heart beat faster and
faster. Is he still there? He has to be. Please let him still be there!

I could have had servants pack up everything for us and wait for

them to accompany us, but I was in too much of a hurry. A member of
the guard would inform Grella’s older daughter of our change in
location when she came to collect her little sister. They would bring
her along to my rooms and arrange for servants to pack up everything
I had left behind. I carried our bag, and Grella carried my son, with
her daughter trotting along beside her.

Though, traditionally, the princes’ babies are raised in the palace

nursery, where they would live with their milk-mothers and numerous
nursemaids, I liked how Korin was changing things and I wanted to
be closer to my son also. Glare had decided to do the same with his
sons, though he had a couple of extra maids as he has two babies to
care for. The king had a bit of a fit when he found out what we were
all planning on doing, and he made sure to have everyone who would
be in such close contact with the princes and our babies thoroughly,
though quickly, investigated. I think that Barli’s revelations shook
him rather more than he is willing to admit.

Anyway, we arrived at my rooms. A nursemaid would be along

later today who would be there to help at nighttime.

I put the bag down and laid a trembling hand on the main door of

my rooms to gain access. I took my hand away for a moment and
flexed it in an attempt to still the trembles. I was so nervous about
seeing Barli, of maybe getting time alone with him. What would I
say? Would he even be there? I put my hand back on the door, felt the
charm recognise me, and turned the handle. I picked the bag back up,
pushed the door open, and walked through.

I stood, just inside the door, looking around with a sinking heart.

Everything was so quiet. But then there was a sound from the
direction of my sleeping chamber, and Barli emerged, looking sleep-
mussed and gorgeous. His blond hair tangled wildly around his head,
and he had obviously just awoken. Has he been sleeping in my bed?

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Belden?” I stood aside to allow Grella to carry my son in, trying

to think of what to say to my husband. I felt tongue-tied and a little
embarrassed for some reason. “Are you moving back in here?” he
asked. I nodded, and he walked over to me and took the bag I carried.
“Here, let me take that.” He turned and disappeared with it into the
room he had come from before I could tell him that we needed to take
some of the baby’s things from it.

Grella smiled at me. I shrugged and went to show her to the room

I had thought would be best for her, her daughter, and my son.

“At least there will be room for the extra beds.” She looked

around at the rather huge bed, all the empty space, and chuckled. Her
eyes crinkled at the corners, and her cheeks were rosy. “Thank you,
sir.”

I grinned back, a flash of humour breaking through my nerves.

“There is definitely that.” The nursemaid who was coming later
would be accompanied by several of the palace servants who would
bring a couple of extra beds, my son’s cradle, and some other things.
The switch from the traditional way of raising our children was
making other arrangements necessary. I sobered, my amusement
falling away. It would look strange if I did not go and see my
husband. “Will you be all right here?”

“Of course, sir.” Her eyes were on her daughter now, who

explored the room.

“If you need anything for yourself, or either of them, let me know.

I think we are both going to have to muddle through with this
somehow. Having the baby in my apartments rather than the nursery
will take some getting used to, but I would rather have him close.” I
walked over and looked down at my son. He was fast asleep. I ran my
finger gently over his hair, not wanting to disturb him, feeling my
heart swell in my chest. My baby. He was amazing.

Then it was time to go and see Barli.
I found him in my sleeping chamber. He was piling clothes on the

bed, his clothes.

Shadow’s Dagger

“What are you doing?”
His shoulders stiffened, but he carried on with what he was doing

and didn’t look my way. I shifted my weight uneasily from foot to
foot, worry tightening in my chest.

“I did not think you would want people to know we had not been

sharing a room, and thought that when you came back, others might
be coming with you. I was right. I have been staying here to make it
appear as though we shared a room.”

“So where are you going now?” The worry knotted into panic,

high and tight in my chest. I felt as though he were leaving me, saying
good-bye. My arms wrapped around my waist in an attempt to hold
my feelings in.

His voice rasped a little when he replied. “That was all before the

meeting yesterday. Now you know why I came here, things are
different.”

“But—”
He swung around, glaring at me. “Can you honestly tell me you

want me to stay?”

“I–I…Yes.”
He froze. He stared at me for an endless moment. When I couldn’t

take it anymore, I broke the gaze and looked down at his hands, which
still clasped a blue shirt. I watched his hands as they put the shirt on
top of a pile of others and then picked the pile up. I couldn’t watch
him pack his things to leave me, so I fled.

I hid in my study for most of the day, going over papers I have

looked at before. I wanted to go into my bedroom and get a couple of
books off the shelves in there, but I couldn’t face that room if Barli
had gone, or if he was still packing things up. I was stuck.

My growling stomach brought me out of a daze. I had been staring

at the fire, watching the flames flicker and dance. I had no idea of the
time. If I was this hungry, then Grella must be ready for something to
eat, too, so I pushed myself stiffly to my feet so I could go and find
her.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

I felt a little sick with nerves, but that was nothing new and I had

to eat. My appetite has always fluctuated wildly with my feelings. In
the months leading up to Korin’s return from the desert oasis—over a
year ago now—I had barely been able to make myself eat at all, and
had lost an awful amount of weight. I had seen how horrified Kor had
been by my weight loss, though he had tried to hide it. He had kept
pressing me to eat at every meal, and often between them after that,
making me regain some of what I had lost. Then my mounting nerves
in the week before the Choosing had undone a lot of his hard work.

Since then, though, from the moment I had realised I was

carrying, I knew I would have to force myself to eat properly. My
baby needed me to be healthy if he was to grow as he should. Now I
had birthed him, old habits threatened to return and I had to push
myself past them. I might no longer be carrying my son inside me, but
he still needed me to be healthy.

Opening the door to my study, I stepped out and caught the faint

aroma of food. My stomach growled loudly again.

I could hear voiced talking in the sitting room. As I got closer, I

recognised Grella and Barli’s, along with someone I was not sure of.
My chest heaved with sudden, panicky breaths. He is still here. It took
a while for me to compose myself before walking past the fire,
through which I could see into the room, and then through the open
door into the room itself.

“Good evening, Master Belden, sir,” Grella greeted me with a

warm smile.

“Oh, Grella, I have told you. That is too much. Please, especially

when we are in my rooms, just call me Bel, or Belden.” The other
voice must belong to the nursemaid who had arrived to help with the
baby at some point. Wait. Did she say “good evening?” The last thing
I knew, it had been before breakfast. No wonder I was hungry!

“Supper just arrived,” Barli said softly, not looking at me. “You

haven’t eaten all day. We were about to let you know.”

Shadow’s Dagger

My appetite abruptly vanished again, but I made myself eat a

decent amount of the probably tasty mashed roots and savoury stew.
The dishes were charmed to keep the food hot on the fairly long trek
from the kitchens, so it was not that the food was unappealing, I just
had no desire to eat. My emotions churned inside me, because of
Barli’s presence.

After supper, I sat, listening to the others talk. The warmth of

Barli’s company pressed in on me, buffered as it was by Grella and
the maid. I longed to look at him, and drink in the sight of him, but I
didn’t dare. Then Grella and the maid left to put the children to bed,
and once again, I ran. I ran at a walking pace, but I was still running
away. I could not sit with Barli in the uncomfortable silence, unable
to think of what to say to him, so I went through to my sleeping
chamber and got changed for bed. I picked a book from one of the
shelves and got into bed. I stared at it, flipping the pages without
really looking at them or thinking about anything in particular.

The bed covers smell like him. I pressed my nose into the pillow,

inhaling deeply. My stomach fluttered. Gods, is this what I am
reduced to? Longing for a man I am married to, but who doesn’t want
me?

Hours later, Barli walked in. I had to work to keep my breathing

even, not wanting him to know how panicked I felt. Sweat slicked my
palms, and my heart beat out of control. I fiddled with the edge of one
of the book’s pages, rolling it back and forth and creasing it badly.

My cock hardened beneath the covers, thankfully out of sight.
“Are you sure you want me here?” he said, making me jump.
“Yes.”
“Very well.”
He walked around to the other side of the room. I did not look

over as I heard him moving and the rustle of fabric. He must be
getting changed. My imagination ran riot with images of what he
must look like unclothed. I had never seen him undressed, not
properly anyway.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

I did not count the time I had helped him shower after being sick.

I had tried to keep myself from looking at his naked body too closely
then, and though I had been aware of how strongly muscled he was, I
had not really looked at him.

The one time we had been together, he had been behind me, and

we had both been wearing our robes.

Am I even going to be able to sleep, with him in bed beside me?

My cock was already uncomfortable, the hardness caught between my
thigh and the material of my night clothes. I shifted, adjusting it, then
close the book and placed it on the nightstand, next to the bed, and
resettled myself. I realised I was fidgeting with my toes under the
covers, rubbing one of my big toes against the one next to it. I stopped
the constant motion, not wanting to give away how nervous I was.

The bed moved very little when Barli got in. It could probably

sleep ten people comfortably, so the two of us would have plenty of
room.

“Lights off, fire low,” I murmured.
We lay there in the near dark, on opposite sides of the huge bed,

in a very loud silence which only got louder as the moments passed. I
wanted to reach out and touch him, to feel him next to me, his arms
around me. But it felt as though an enormous chasm had opened
between us which I did not know how to cross. He didn’t want to be
there, I had to remind myself. If he had wanted to be with me, he
would not have left after our night together. He was only with me…I
didn’t really know why.

I turned onto my back.
My leg itched. I didn’t want to fidget too much and keep Barli

from sleeping, so I tried to ignore it in the hope that it would go away.

The end of a feather prickled me through the pillow. I sighed and

moved my head, then pulled my leg up and scratched before sliding it
back down again.

Now my sleep trousers were rucked up around my leg. I screwed

my mouth up in frustration, in the dark, then nibbled on my lip. I

Shadow’s Dagger

wormed my other foot up and hooked the toes on my foot into the
material and wiggled it down. Better.

The other side of the bed was quiet. I could hear Barli’s even

breathing and thought he must be asleep. That irritated me. How
could he go to sleep that fast?

I lay there for some time, staring up at the ceiling which I could

not really see in the dark.

I raised one arm and put it behind my head after brushing a few

strands of hair out of my face.

After a while, my shoulder began to ache, and I had to put my arm

back down.

I couldn’t sleep on my back, so I turned onto my side again,

sighing in frustration.

Barli turned over and then slid through the covers toward me. Oh,

fuck. He was awake. “Come here, Bel,” he said quietly. He pulled me
into his arms, my back to his chest, and our legs nestled together
perfectly. “Go to sleep.”

Everything else faded away, and tiredness finally began to drag at

my eyelids. I sighed again, a jerky but contented heave of breath this
time, and his arm tightened fractionally around me. I felt safe,
protected, and so comfortable with his heat and strong body
surrounding me.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Ten

Barli

I did not wake instantly and completely as I usually did. The

world gradually filtered in around me. My very hard cock snuggled
happily between the cheeks of Belden’s ass. My nose was buried in
his hair, and he smelled so good my shaft pulsed.

Biting back a groan, I edged away slowly so I did not wake him. I

know I was only there so that Bel would not be embarrassed by
everyone knowing more about our relationship than they should, but I
had not been able to resist taking him into my arms the night before,
when his fidgeting had made it blatantly obvious how uncomfortable
he had been with the situation. If he had pushed me away I would
have released him instantly, but he had not. I had been surprised at
how quickly after that he had gone to sleep, and then how fast I had
followed him into slumber. I put it down to the stresses of the day
finally releasing their hold.

The last thing he would want was to be woken and feel my shaft

so close to his entrance. Gods. I had to force my mind away from that.
I didn’t succeed very well. Images danced in my head of sliding my
hand around his body and jacking his cock while he moaned and
writhed, bucking backward and grinding his ass against me.

I eased over the bed to the opposite side, got out, and began

dressing for the day. I sped my movements when Bel began to stir. I
had been dragging my feet, not wanting to leave him. I looked over
and saw him roll onto his back. He shifted under the covers. His eyes
blinked open, and he looked around in confusion. Not wanting to be

Shadow’s Dagger

caught staring, I quickly looked away and glanced around for my
shoes.

“Good morning.”
“Good morning, Belden.” I looked back at him again as I replied,

and saw he had pushed himself not quite upright. He leaned back,
propped up on both arms, and frowned at me sleepily. He is so
beautiful. “Is something wrong?” I asked, wondering about the frown.

His expression cleared. “No, nothing.”
He flipped the covers back, rose, and went over to his wardrobe.

He opened the beautiful wooden door with its detailed carvings,
yawning, and then stretched. He raised both arms, one straight up in
the air above him, and the other bent behind his head. One hip stuck
out and his body arched with the stretch. Ancestors. My breath choked
in my throat. His long, dark hair trailed down his back, drawing my
attention to where the pert globes of his ass flexed, their rounded
shape visible through the light cream kashee material of his
nightclothes. I had to swallow several times before I could tear my
gaze away. How was I ever going to manage living with him like this
if I could barely resist jumping on him again after only one day?

Three days later, I was beginning to think my cock would fall off

from being so permanently hard. My mind bounced between my usual
concerns for Bel’s safety, and thoughts of his gorgeous, slender legs
wrapped around me with his wrists tied to a bedpost while I buried
myself balls-deep inside his freshly whipped ass.

He was too fragile for the kind of sex I craved, though. Even if he

could bring himself to ever trust in me to the extent that we could
have a physical relationship, he was a prince, and not a boy-toy to be
trussed up and have me play with his body until he howled out his
release.

A knock sounded on the door to our rooms, thankfully breaking

my train of thought. Whoever it was meant business because the
knock was long and loud, fully meaning to continue until someone
answered. I got to the door first as Bel emerged from his study.

Violet Joicey-Cowen

One of the guards stood on the other side of the door. “Forgive

me, sir, but the king requests the presence of the prince and yourself.”

“Where does he wish us to meet him?”
“His receiving rooms, sir.”
“Very well. We will come right away.” I closed the door and

turned to Bel. “The king wants to see us.”

“I heard. Let me just go and tell Grella.” He went through to the

sitting room where Grella was with our son, who had still not been
named. He was a beautiful boy, and I loved watching Bel with him.

He returned quickly, and we hurried through the palace corridors

to the king’s public rooms, near the throne room. As we walked
through the throne room, I remembered Bel’s hand on my shoulder
and his words “I choose you”. His dark eyes had looked at me with
such hope. What I wouldn’t give to have him look at me that way
again. My breath hitched, and I had to clear my throat.

The king, Trantin, and Cesteru were already in a small meeting

room. Korin and Ansen arrived soon, followed by Glare. Glare went
over to Cesteru and slid into the seat next to him. The smile they
shared made my heart ache.

“Thank you for coming so promptly. Cesteru?” The king turned

the conversation over.

“Thank you, sir. I have looked through all the information I could

find in the Oracle’s Hall, and as expected there was not much. Too
much got destroyed in the war three hundred years ago, and almost all
of the documents and prophesies from before then were wiped out.
Only bits and pieces remain which have been collected, copied, and
redistributed from the different halls across the country. I do not know
where else to look. We do not have access to any halls in other
countries.” He looked at me. “We need to talk to Dax’purri. Do you
know where we can find him?”

Here we go, then. “There is somewhere I will be able to leave

word so that he will come to me, but it has to be me that goes.”

“Why?” the king asked.

Shadow’s Dagger

I still could not tell them that I was talking about my grandfather.

I was not supposed to tell anyone, though I have never been told
exactly why it was forbidden knowledge. “The people I am to leave
word with. They will not accept a stranger speaking for me.”

“Where do you have to go?”
“Rativa.”
Cesteru’s eyes, already on me, intensified at that. Everyone else

appeared rather surprised, but stayed quiet, waiting for me to
continue. Except for Glare, whose gaze snapped to his husband. Did
Rativa hold some significance for them?

“Rativa? But that is at least two month’s travel from here.” Belden

sounded off. Could he be disappointed by the thought of my being
away for that long? Surely not…

“I received a letter a few days ago,” Rydan said thoughtfully. “It

came with a messenger from Birindaw. They have a new king, and he
says he is interested in putting old enmities to rest and calling for an
official truce between our two countries.”

The border between Nilan’dane and Birindaw was unofficially

marked by the Pesar River, which ran from Persandin, at the base of
the northern mountain range, to Rativa. A great, sprawling city in
itself, Rativa lay at the point where the Pesar River met the sea.

Nilan’dane and Birindaw had fought over Rativa for centuries

before the fight culminated in the same war three hundred years ago,
which had seen the destruction of so many of the Oracle’s Halls. The
war had been too devastating to both of our countries. We had both
stepped back from Rativa as a result, into an unspoken and uneasy
truce over the city, and our other differences.

Then the king continued. “He suggested that as neither of us have

control of Rativa, it would be a neutral place for emissaries to meet to
begin the process. If you need to go there to send a message to
Dax’purri, then this would be a good cover for you going.

My mind raced. “I should probably tell you, then, that the woman

who hired me to come here first contacted me when I was in Rativa. I

Violet Joicey-Cowen

do not know if she is still there, but I was to meet her, or her men,
there after I…” I couldn’t finish.

“After you killed us all?” Ansen eyed me, his hand resting atop

Korin’s on the table. They were always touching or close to each
other. It made me more aware than ever of the gulf between Belden
and myself.

“Yes,” I replied just as bluntly. “I am not going to hide from that,

or pretend it didn’t happen. I have told you all the truth, which I have
not really done for a very long time to anyone I have met, but I have
turned my back on that life. My life has changed. I am a father now,
and a husband.” I barely managed to get the last word out, wishing
with all my heart that it was as real in deed as in literal fact. I wanted
to be the husband Bel had thought me to be when he chose me.

“It would be dangerous to give a woman like her knowledge of

your real name. Who does she think you are?” Ansen is not a stupid
man. He was thinking like the guard he used to be, of the secrets and
hidden ways people needed to move in my old world. It was a world I
would need to return to, albeit briefly, if I was to contact my
grandfather.

“She only ever met with Shadow’s Dagger, one of the names I

went by.”

The moment I said the name, Cesteru stood, pulling Glare from

his seat, and pushing his husband behind his much larger body.

“That is you?”
I met his gaze unflinchingly. “Yes. I take it you have heard of

me.”

“I spent some time in Rativa. I know people.” Cesteru did not give

much away. If he had spent time alone in Rativa, then there was a lot
about himself which he kept hidden also. I kept my speculations about
him to myself, though.

“Let me go!” Glare sounded annoyed. Cesteru turned, though he

did not let me out of sight completely.

Shadow’s Dagger

“I am sorry,” he rumbled. “Shadow’s Dagger is known to be a

very dangerous person, and I reacted to the name.” He cupped Glare’s
face in a large hand, and they looked at each other. It was a touching
and tender moment. I ached, watching.

“Forgiven,” Glare whispered so quietly that I did not hear the

word, but saw the shape of it on his lips. He and Cesteru sat back
down at the table again. Glare’s very pale skin was tinged with pink.
It was rather cute. I thought of the man next to me. I wished he looked
like that when he looked at me, loving, soft, and sweet. I risked a
glance at him and had to quickly look away again. He was glaring at
me. I did not understand his anger. What had I done now?

“So, you need to go, along with someone born to my family who

can be nominated as my emissary, or emissaries.” Rydan was looking
at Bel. He wasn’t thinking we should go together, was he? Just me
and Bel? As well as our guards, of course. I did not like the idea of
taking Belden somewhere as dangerous as Rativa, but I liked the
thought of leaving him while I went all the way there and back even
less.

A movement from Bel attracted my attention. He had levelled his

gaze at Korin, but I could see his hands clenched into tight fists in his
lap, hidden from everyone but me.

“Korin, would you look after my son while we are gone?”
“What?”
“He is too young for that much travel. Glare already has two to

care for, but I want him to be with family.”

“Of course, brother. He and his milk-mother can move in with us

while you are gone.” Korin appeared as stunned as I felt. Bel was
really that willing to go with me? Why?

We all continued to talk for a while on things—about sending the

messenger back with our agreement to meet, when we would go, how
many guards we would take with us, initial terms for the truce with
Birindaw.

100

Violet Joicey-Cowen

The messenger left with our answer. More meetings took place

over the following weeks, some with all of us, some with just Bel and
the king as they discussed the proposed truce further.

Nights frustrated me. I listened to Bel tossing and turning until I

pulled him into my arms, every night, following which he settled
almost immediately to sleep. I felt so mixed in my feelings for him
that I did not know what to do, or how to act around him anymore, so
I tried to follow his lead. He might have slept better in my arms, but
during the day, things were awkward and uncomfortable, and he did
not seem to want to be around me. Even at night, he never made the
first move toward me. I had to wait until he was fidgety and restless
with his inability to sleep. So I kept my distance.

I woke every morning, either curled around him, as I had that first

day, or on my back, with him plastered across my body, legs entwined
with mine and his head on my chest. It felt so good to have him that
close, and it was getting increasingly more difficult to pull away from
him before he woke.

A month after the letter from Birindaw had first been mentioned,

and everything else that had taken place around that time, we set off,
with a lot of fanfare and public support.

Saying good-bye to Linden was hard. Belden had announced the

name he wanted for our son, and I rather liked it. We both knew
Korin would take care of him as if he were his own, so we did not
worry about his safety. What we would miss was months of his life,
seeing him change and grow.

I was in awe every time I looked at Linden. He was gorgeous, and

I could hardly believe that Belden and I created him between us, and
that he had grown inside Bel’s body.

Never having been attracted to women—though I had played one

frequently enough over the years for various disguises as I went about
my work—I have never thought I would get the chance to be a father.
The thought never even really occurred to me, not even when I had
first accepted the job from the woman I knew as Gara. I had thought I

Shadow’s Dagger

101

would come here, get close to the family, and kill them, or not. I had
never guessed that I would fall for Bel so completely, or thought
much on the fact that he was a man who could bear a child. That day,
when he went to the king and announced that he was carrying, had
turned my world upside down for the third time. The first had been
the night my family was attacked. The second had been the first
moment I had laid eyes on Bel.

Little Linden was just starting to smile at us, and we were having

to leave him.

Bel’s chin wobbled as he said good-bye and climbed into the

carriage seating area, but he took a deep breath and calmed himself
when I sat beside him and placed my hand on his arm. Inwardly, I
was just as sad to be leaving him, but thought Bel needed me to be
strong.

I had asked for a few modifications to be made to the structure of

the carriage, weeks ago, and I felt satisfied with the results. The
carriage was an enormous affair which required six horses to pull it,
with a normal open seating area behind the driver, and behind that
there was an enclosed lounging carriage which would double as a bed
for Bel and myself at night. It was ridiculously ostentatious and I
knew I would feel rather stupid climbing into the thing at night
whenever the rest of the party had to camp out. It fairly screamed,
“The prince is over here”, and I felt glad of the modifications I had
asked for. But this journey had a public purpose as well as our secret
one, both important, and we were expected to send a member of a
royal family. So a royal was being sent, with as much pomp and
ceremony and flourish as possible.

Travelling in such a public and flamboyant manner painted an

enormous target on Bel, and if I ever admitted, to anyone, that I felt
such a strong emotion, I would have said I was terrified. For anyone
out there who wanted him dead, he would be all too easy to find.
Which was why I had demanded the modifications to his carriage.

102

Violet Joicey-Cowen

A hidden compartment now rested underneath the padded floor of

the lounging section, where someone could either hide themselves, or
escape down between the wheels of the carriage. Additional weapons
had been secreted there in case they were needed. I hoped that Bel
would never need to use them and vowed to myself that I would not
stray from his side for even a moment until he resided safely back at
the palace again.

Shadow’s Dagger

103

Chapter Eleven

Belden

Barli was slowly driving me insane. The comforting nights in his

arms have been added to by endless days of his constant presence. He
was beside me, the smell of him surrounding me, all over me,
everywhere I went. Which, admittedly, wasn’t far. Most of the time I
sat or lay in one or the other of the carriage sections. On the few
occasions I rode, he actually insisted on riding with me. On the same
horse.

Riding a horse made my constant state of arousal even more

uncomfortable, and it was heightened further by him wrapped around
my back. I couldn’t even relieve myself because he was always there.
Always there. And every time he brushed against me, pressed against
me, or I smelled him on my skin after sleeping beside him, I could
again feel him behind me, thrusting inside me. I could not get him out
of my head.

I did not know why he was so insistent on staying so close when

he had shown that he did not really want me. I also still couldn’t
understand where our time together had come from. His close
proximity had me thinking over everything which had happened
between us, again and again. Why, when he had not wanted me like
that, had he taken me? Had it been to prove a point? Had it simply
been because I had told him he should have done it? Was that also
why he could no longer look at me with the feeling I thought had
begun to grow between us before that night? Worst, if I had not

104

Violet Joicey-Cowen

insisted on asking him that, would our relationship have continued to
grow, and would I now have held his love?

All in all, I couldn’t get away from him. Being with him drove me

crazy. And I could not talk to him about either problem because he
was at the root of both. I felt so sick of it all going around and around
in my head and not being able to come up with a solution.

A small town had appeared on the horizon. That part of the desert

was fairly flat, dusty and rocky rather than sandy, so we could see it
from several hours journey away. We had skirted the edge of the
desert and made good progress on our trip, now being only a week out
from Rativa if we continued at our current pace.

The only building of any size, apart from the official ones, was the

posting inn where we planned to spend the night. The floor of the
carriage began to vibrate as we passed from the dusty road onto the
cobbled streets. The roads were lined with mostly two story buildings,
and they provided some measure of relief from the heat of the sun as
we made our way along the street. I looked forward to getting to the
inn and being able to request water for washing. The dust from the
road had mixed with the sweat wrung from my body by the head, and
I felt grimy, smelly, and quite disgusting.

The carriage eventually ground to a halt in front of a four-storey,

stone building with wide, shaded windows meant to catch the breeze
without letting in the heat of the sun. The heavy, wooden shutters,
which could be closed at night to prevent the chill off the nighttime
desert cooling the building too much, rested fully open against the
walls.

A group had been sent on ahead and checked out security for my

arrival, and several of them awaited us outside the inn. One of the
men stepped forward, bowing his head to where I looked out from the
carriage, but reporting to Taseron.

“Nothing to report, sir. All is secure.”
“Thank you, Jhanen. Are the others stationed around the building

as requested?”

Shadow’s Dagger

105

“Yes, sir.”
I had grown used enough to the routine by now to know that what

they were saying and what they meant did not always coincide. There
were words to be watched for, which would make it appear as if the
report was being given as usual, but which alerted the others to any
problems. There were apparently none this time, and Taseron waved
one of the men to open my carriage door.

“I will go first.” Barli held his hand out to prevent me from trying

to leave the carriage before he could.

“I know. I wasn’t moving, was I?” I had to restrain a sudden urge

to smack him. The procedure which had been set up for when we
arrived at anywhere we can spend the night never changed—he gets
out first, looks around, assesses the area, and then allows me to alight
from the carriage.

His gaze flashed back to me after my unusual show of temper, and

he eyed me for a moment. I raised my chin a little and stared back,
pretending I had not just snapped at him. But, gods, I was fed up. No
time to myself, no relief from the torture of wanting him all the time
but not being able to have him, no relief from the heat or the dirt.
Enough. I just needed some personal space. Inside, I felt ready to
scream and I ground my teeth together when he turned his back to
climb down, attempting to get a handle on myself. If I was not
careful, I would find myself throwing a royal tantrum of gigantic
proportions.

I followed my guards into the inn. Barli was, as ever, at my side.

Where else would he have been? They took us up to the room which
had been prepared for us. The inn was a solid, stone build with
wooden flooring in the room we were shown to, and one big bed. I
glared at it in disgust.

“I want a bath,” I announced, swinging around. “Can one be

arranged?”

“Yes, sir,” replied a maid. She looked terrified of doing anything

wrong and offending anyone in our party. She fairly shook in her

106

Violet Joicey-Cowen

shoes, and I took pity on her. My horrible mood was not her fault. She
is a pretty little thing.

I stepped closer to her and made an effort to soften my expression.

“Thank you. Can you tell me how long it might be?”

“It will not be long, sir, um…Your Highness.”
“Sir is fine. What is your name?”
“Malinnae, sir. Water was put to ready the moment we got word

you were close. It is done now and just has to be taken to the bathing
chamber.” Malinnae relaxed a little, relief breaking out on her heart-
shaped face.

“Are there no tubs which can be brought in here?” Barli asked,

moving closer to me and placing his hand proprietarily on my
shoulder. I wanted to shake it off, but thrilled at the contact at the
same time, which irritated me more. He sounded annoyed. Not
enough that anyone else would have noticed, but I was familiar
enough by now with the nuances of his tones. What was his problem?

The maid looked scared again and shook her head. “I am sorry,

sir, but there aren’t.”

“It’s all right, Malinnae. No need to worry. The bathing chamber

will be perfectly acceptable. You may go. Let me know when it is
ready.”

“Yes, sir.” She bobbed a curtsey and left hurriedly. I shook off

Barli’s hand as soon as we were alone and moved away from him.

When the bath was ready, and I was shown to the room, I felt

pleasantly surprised. The two sunken tubs were of a similar design,
though rather smaller in size than the ones at the palace but were
plenty big enough to sink into, and a privacy curtain hung from a rail
between them. Both baths had been filled. I almost moaned in delight
at the prospect of getting truly clean, even if it would only be for a
little while. I am sure the road dust and sweat would start to build
again once we got back on the road the next day. That didn’t matter. I
would be able to spend the night clean, and in a proper bed.

Shadow’s Dagger

107

Barli walked the room, making sure the doors and windows were

secured, before ushering me behind the privacy curtain. He took the
bath nearest the door, despite it being locked anyway.

I closed my eyes and stood for a moment, feeling the space around

me. The room felt far cooler than outside on the stuffy streets, and I
enjoyed a moment of peace. Then I had to move—Barli would be able
to hear if I did not get on with things, and he would wonder why and
what I was doing after I had requested the bath.

I stripped my dirty clothes off and slung them over a bench at one

side of the bath, and stepped down into it. The people working at the
inn had given us water at just the right temperature, not too cold, but
not too hot after days of the sun beating down on us, either.

It should be a little cooler when we get to Rativa, that much I

could remember from the tour I took with my brothers around the
country when I had been between the ages of sixteen and eighteen.
The air from the sea would be somewhat cooler than that which came
off the desert at this time of year, and though it would still be hot and
dusty, it should be more bearable because there would be more air
movement.

Sinking underneath the water briefly to wet my hair, I paused.

Alone. Quiet. Peace. My heartbeat, clearly heard in my ears, was the
only sound.

No, no it wasn’t. Barli was saying something loudly. I broke the

surface.

“What?”
“Don’t do that!” Annoyance grated in his tone.
“Do what?”
“Not reply like that. It worried me.”
I had to rub my ears, the water and air bubbles trapped inside were

tickling me and I thought for a moment I had heard him wrong. “We
are in a locked bathing room. The only people in here are you and me.
What exactly did you think was going on?”

108

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Just, please, answer me if I call your

name.”

I glared mutinously at the brown woollen privacy curtain. “Fine.”

I did not want to argue on that. If he stayed over on his side of it I
would yell back every time he breathed, no matter how much it
irritated me.

The coolness of the water sapped some of the heat from my body,

stimulating my appetite. So as soon as I was clean, I reluctantly rose
from the bath, shedding water on the stone around the sides and
leaving puddled footprints behind me. I dried myself, belted my robe
around my body, and made for the door. I had to pass by Barli’s bath,
but I did not look in his direction.

“Where are you going?”
“Back to our room.”
“Wait for me.” The water sloshed around him as he rushed to

finish. He had probably been taking his time because he had thought I
would be longer after asking for the bath.

“No need.” I unlocked and opened the door and found Taseron

waiting on the other side.

“Sir?” He glanced behind me to see Barli, but his bath stayed

hidden by the door, out of sight. I felt glad of that, even in my ire. No
one should be seeing my husband’s body but me.

“Belden!” Barli called, angrily.
I am not a child to be called to task. I am a prince, damn it. I can

go where I want and when I want. I stepped forward, forcing Taseron
to back away. He followed me as I stalked down the hallway to my
room.

“Out,” I growled at the two guards who waited in my chamber.

Did they think someone was going to slip in past them if they waited
outside the door? They left. I think they must have caught my mood.
If so, they were sharper than Barli was being lately.

With rather childish spite, I locked the door behind them and went

over to the windows. They had been shuttered for my safety. Huh. I

Shadow’s Dagger

109

unlatched them and threw them open. They were heavy. The solid
wood banged against the stone walls with a satisfying thud. I stood at
the window and…

Breathed.
I tried to ignore the angry banging on the door which announced

Barli’s arrival moments later. I couldn’t leave him there forever
though, no matter how tempted I felt, so I walked over and unlocked
it.

The door was thrown open, with far more force than I had used on

the shutters, before I had even walked three paces away.

“Belden. What in Nilan’s name was that?”
“What was what?” I snapped back in the same tone he had used. I

did not turn around, but went back to the open window.

He paused. “Why is that open?”
“I wanted it open.”
“It was supposed to be shut.”
“Well, I opened it again!”
“Why are you acting like this?” How could he sound so genuinely

surprised by my irritation, and show so much of his own at the same
time?

“Acting like what? Like I want some time alone? Like I need

some space to breathe? Forgive me for opening a gods damned
window!”

“Ancestors, what’s gotten into you? You are acting like a spoiled

child.”

“Well, I am a prince. Don’t I have the right to act like one

occasionally?” Yeah, I was being a brat and I knew it, but I was past
the point of caring.

“Bel, move away from the window,” he said in a low, warning

voice.

“Why? Who is going to hurt me up here? None of the other

buildings are as tall as this one. What do you think is going to happen
to me?” My earlier urge to hit him returned full force, and I was

110

Violet Joicey-Cowen

steaming mad. I had had enough. I liked looking out over the mix of
sloping and flat rooftops of the other buildings in town, and hearing
the distant voices of the people who lived here.

“Move away. Now, Belden.” He had come up right behind me,

and he grabbed my arm, spinning me around and making me move. I
might have toughened up a little in my two months on the road, but I
was nowhere near strong enough to resist him.

I lashed out in an attempt to get him to let me go, but he deflected

be with ease, capturing the wrist of my other arm, too, and bringing
them behind my back. My breathing had sped, and my chest heaved
as I stared up at him furiously from inches away while he held my
wrists.

“Gods, Bel. I ought to…”
“Ought to what? What are you going to do?”
“I should spank you for putting yourself in danger!”
“Go right ahead!” I yelled in his face, not thinking about whether

he would actually do it or not.

“You think I won’t?” He appeared as spitting mad as I must have

by that point.

His hands twisted behind me, taking both of mine into one of his.

I yelped when his other hand cracked down onto my ass through my
robe, flinching away from the flash of pain, which only pressed me
closer against him. I struggled with him, trying to free my hands, but
with no success. His hand cracked down on my ass several more
times. I could have happily murdered him in that moment.

He did not have leverage to hit me very hard, but I was startled to

realise that the sparks of pain were heating the skin of my ass in a
very pleasurable way. My cock, which had only subsided a little
during my bath, rose to full attention again.

We both froze, Barli realising at the same moment that my cock

was prodding against him as I did that his was equally hard. We
stared at each other, and then Barli groaned, his mouth coming down
on mine in a bruising kiss.

Shadow’s Dagger

111

He released my hands and his came up, one pulling me closer and

one cupping my head. He plundered my mouth, and I did not have the
strength of will to push him away. I did not care why it was
happening. I was in Barli’s arms, where I had longed to be, and was
ready to rip the clothes from his body.

That was not necessary, though. We were both wearing only our

robes again. He walked me backward to the bed, and the ties worked
themselves loose as they were rubbed between our bodies. Felt so
good, his skin on mine. I reached underneath his robe and ran my
hands over the skin of his back. Hot and smooth, damp from the bath
still. His muscles moved underneath my fingertips, begging me to
explore them.

I tore my mouth away, gasping, and he kissed his way down my

neck. He shrugged off his robe and pushed mine from my shoulders. I
did not see where it landed.

Naked. “Yes.”
He brushed aside the wet hair clinging to me and bit down on the

juncture between my neck and shoulder. He didn’t break skin, but it
hurt. My knees gave way beneath me and pre-cum spurted from my
cock against his stomach.

“Barli, fuck, yes!”
He took my weight and lowered me to the bed, landing between

my spread legs. They automatically came up to curl around his hips
and I thrust back against the weight, moaning at the sensation of his
hard cock running against mine. The pressure was almost painful, but
exquisitely good.

He pinned my arms up above my head and kissed my mouth

again. His tongue plunged past my lips as our teeth clacked together,
nicking one of my lips, and I tasted blood. He owned my mouth,
tasting and exploring every corner. His hands slid from mine, and I
went to move my arms down.

“Keep them there,” he ordered me fiercely, eyes glittering.
“Okay.”

112

Violet Joicey-Cowen

I have only felt this open and vulnerable once before, and that had

been the first time I had been spread out beneath him in this way. My
arms were now above my head, body stretched out and bared to his
eyes, and pressed against him so intimately with my legs wrapped
around his hips. I knew, though, that this time, he was not going to
question things. He was the one in charge, and didn’t that just make
me hotter than ever.

I whimpered as he hovered over me, leaning back with his upper

body weight on both arms, which were at full length on either side of
me so he could look me over hungrily.

“Shhh.” He pulled up onto his knees and ran a gentling hand over

my chest. Then he slid down my body, taking his weight away.

“No!”
“Shhh, it’s okay.”
“Oh, fuck.” His mouth closed over the head of my cock, hot and

wet. At the same time, a wet finger circled the puckered skin of my
ass. I nearly screamed when his head bobbed down, taking most of
my length inside his mouth and the finger penetrated me as deep as he
could get it. My back arched up off the bed and I ground my ass down
on his finger, looking for more. My mouth was open, but no sound
came out. Gods, it had been so long since that night, and my body was
desperate for release. For him.

He continued to work my cock and my ass, adding a second

finger, and then a third.

“Come for me.”
My body instantly obeyed him. My balls tightened, and lightning

flashed through me as they emptied into Barli’s mouth, which had
returned to catch my release.

I collapsed back onto the bed, my hands still over my head,

shivering with reaction and still hard as a Nasi beetle. How I could
still be hard after that I did not have the slightest idea, but Barli’s
fingers, continuing to move inside me, might have had something to
do with it.

Shadow’s Dagger

113

Barli spat my release out into his other hand and used it to coat his

cock. He withdrew his fingers and rubbed the rest of my release into
my hole, pushing it inside and massaging it into my skin. I might have
been squirming in embarrassment if I had not been so turned on. Then
he was back over me, pulling my legs up over his arms and spreading
me wider.

My heart thundered in my chest.
I did not dare move my arms, because he told me not to.
The hard, insistent pressure of his cock forced itself past the ring

of muscles in my entrance, and he buried himself to the hilt. It hurt. I
wanted more.

“Ungh.” I could not help the grunts and groans which were forced

from me by the strength of his thrusts. He did not go easy on me, but
set up a brutal pace. He pounded my body hard, and I loved it. I loved
every moment of it—the weight of him on top of me, the scent of the
sweat slicking our bodies, the plunge of his cock in my ass, and the
feeling of being completely under his control. Yes. He could do
whatever he wanted to me, and I would take it gladly.

Every inward slam of his cock hit against that place inside me,

sending bursts of pleasure-pain through me. So sharp. So intense.

“Bel,” he growled. His eyes fixed on mine as his hips paused just

long enough for him to ask me what he needed to. “Are you going to
come for me again?”

“Gods, yes.” Unbelievably, I could feel my body responding to his

words once again. A second orgasm approached. My balls tightened
against the base of my shaft, squashed as it was between us. I could
feel him swelling and hardening more in my ass, and I somehow
knew he was about to come. The knowledge drove me over the edge,
and my ass clamped down on him, pulling his orgasm from him with
a surprised shout.

The next thing I knew, I was coming back to myself as he

removed his softening shaft from my body. My fingers ached. I
unclenched them, from where I had wound them up in the material of

114

Violet Joicey-Cowen

the bedcovers to stop myself from moving my arms, and flexed them
a few times to get the blood flowing again.

Wow. That had been even more amazing than the night Linden

had been conceived. I had not thought that possible. My head still
spun.

Barli lowered my legs to the bed and moved off me. I instantly

missed his weight and wanted to pull him back again, but he was
already off the bed and reaching for a cloth. He used one end of it to
wipe my cum off his stomach and off his cock, and then he gently
pushed one of my legs up and used the other end of the towel to clean
me up. His motions were so tender and his expression focused, but as
he turned away with the towel, I heard a choking sound.

“Barli?”
He inhaled sharply and stiffened.
“Barli, what is it?”
“How can you ask that after what just happened?” he asked,

gesturing wildly in my direction. His voice sounded low and raw. It
scared me and brought a lump to my throat, making me unable to
respond. He whirled around, throwing the towel, which had been
gripped tightly in one hand, to one side. His tortured eyes blazed at
me from a face twisted in pain. His hands curled into white-knuckled
fists at his sides.

“But…I thought…” Had he not enjoyed what we just did? My

eyes burned with the effort of holding back my tears. I wanted to
crawl away and hide. I sat up and pulled the covers over to hide
myself, ashamed. No, no, no, not again! I thought he finally wanted
me, but it’s happening again.

“I’m so sorry.” He turned away again, going to one of his packs at

the side of the room and tearing it open.

“What? You are sorry?” I didn’t understand.
His back was to me, and his shoulders shook. Something was

going on which I could not grasp.

Shadow’s Dagger

115

“I’m sorry,” he repeated brokenly. He tugged some clothes from

the pack and began to yank them on. The muscles in his back flexed
as he pulled the trousers up his thighs and tied them at the waist.

“Barli, wait!” I flung the covers back and darted from the bed, my

ass twinging in a way I wish I had the time to savour. I reached for his
shoulder, but he swung round to me before I could touch him and I
flinched back from the anger and hatred on his face. “What is
wrong?”

“Don’t you get it? I couldn’t stop myself,” he shouted. “I tried.

For so long now, I tried to do what you wanted, be what you wanted. I
tried to stay away. I’m so sorry for that. I am sorry I did that to you
again.” His gaze flickered to the bed behind me.

“That? That”—I waved my arm at the bed—“was amazing! I have

never felt anything like that before, and I never dreamed it could be
possible.” I flung myself at him then, my arms going around him so
tightly. I clung to him, not about to let him shake me off. He wasn’t
trying to, though. He had frozen again, barely breathing. “Don’t be
sorry for that, Barli. Don’t ever.”

His arms shook as they crept up to hold me. He sobbed once into

my hair and stood there, trembling in my arms. What was going on
with him? Could it really be possible that my husband wanted me as
much as I wanted him, but thought he had been obeying my wishes by
staying away from me for all this time?

116

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Twelve

Barli

The tighter Bel held me, the more I felt as though I were breaking

apart. How could he ever forgive me for the first time I attacked him,
let alone now that I had done it again? Why did he hold me as though
he never wanted to let me go?

Tears ran freely down my face for the first time in so long, and

they seeped into Bel’s still-wet hair.

Then what he was saying began to push its way through my

misery. He had said what I had done to him was amazing.

What?
He couldn’t have said that. I loosened my arms from around him

and pushed him away by the shoulders. I couldn’t look at him.

“No, Barli, no.” He clung to me fiercely.
“I can’t—”
“Don’t you dare leave me again!”
“I can’t think while you are naked.” That brought him up short.

He looked down at himself. He must have forgotten he had no clothes
on when he had thrown himself at me to prevent me from leaving.

“Oh.” His face and upper chest flushed red. He looked up at me,

then back down at himself a couple of times, before lunging for his
robe, which had slithered from the bed at some point from where I
had originally flung it. I got a very nice, if too brief view of his ass as
he bent to retrieve the robe from the floor. “Um…better?” he asked,
still blushing, once he had belted it around his middle.

Shadow’s Dagger

117

I considered the robe, knowing he wore nothing underneath it and

our previous encounters when he had been wearing it. “I guess.”
Really not. I wanted him naked again, and he was so close to naked
that I was not entirely sure that the robe counted.

I paced toward him and reached for his neck. He stared up at me

with those big, dark eyes while I eased the tangle of damp hair from
under the neckline of the robe and let it fall onto his back. His pulse
jumped at his neck, and this close I could feel his breathing speed up.

“Where is your hairbrush?”
“Huh?” He looked adorable all confused. My mouth quirked at his

blank look.

“Your hairbrush. Where is it?”
He went over to one of his packs and fished around in it for a

moment. The brush was in his hand when he straightened. “Uh,
here?”

I took it from him and pulled the chair from beside the bed,

turning it. “Sit, please.”

Bel lowered himself into the chair, oddly quiet and obedient. I ran

the brush through his hair, working out the tangles which had been
made worse by the events that had just taken place on the bed. I
needed the time to sort out my thoughts.

He tilted his head slightly when I began speaking, so I knew he

was listening. “You…liked what just happened?”

“Yes.”
“And, what happened between us the first time?”
“Yes. Should I deny that?”
“No! I need to know the truth.”
“That is the truth, Barli.” My name, soft on his lips, sounded so

good. He had said it so quietly as he finished. I believed him. Gods
forgive me, but I believed him.

The edges of the brush handle dug into my palm and fingers

where I clutched it too tightly, and I had to consciously make myself
loosen my grip.

118

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Bel twisted in his seat and looked up at me. “May I?” He held out

his hand for the brush. I looked at it, before placing it in his hand. If
he did not want me to do this for him, then I would not make him
submit to me. Then he stood and turned the chair to face me with an
expectant expression. “Please?”

Am I always to get him wrong? I usually understood people, their

needs and wants, and how and why they acted. How was my husband
the only one I constantly misunderstood?

Hesitantly, I sat in the chair and Bel began to brush through my

own tangled mess. My hair was so much curlier than his, and it was
correspondingly more knotty. His touch was so gentle. The stroking
of the brush through my hair lulled my hectic thoughts, calming my
terror at what I thought I had done to him, which he had apparently
enjoyed. I did not know what to make of that, so I tried not to think
too much about it for now, concentrating instead on the feel of his
hands on me. I should have been the one caring for Bel, but it was his
tender touch which soothed me. I realised, as I sat there letting him
tend to me, that I could feel his satisfaction with what he was doing
for me. It was in every tender sweep of the brush, every soft touch of
his fingers as he grasped a lock of hair to prevent a knot pulling as he
worked through it.

“Why did you choose me?” My question came out of nowhere,

surprising us both. The brush paused before continuing.

“I thought, at the time, that I wanted someone I wouldn’t have to

be afraid of. Someone not much bigger than me, or maybe even
shorter so they would find it harder to physically overpower me if I
did not want them.”

I was unable to prevent my jaw from falling open, but shut it with

a snap after a long moment. “I was an assassin sent to kill you, and
you thought I was the safe choice? That is why you chose me?”

He giggled behind me, and the brush shook in his hand. “Well,

you did your best to appear that way. How was I to know you were
supposed to be there to kill me?” I caught myself nodding, and

Shadow’s Dagger

119

stopped. “But no, that was not really why. It was what I had thought I
wanted, before it all started, and I was so scared. I was terrified of
ending up with someone who could do whatever they wanted to me
behind the closed doors of our rooms and be unable to prevent it.

“When I met you, though, I found I didn’t want to stay away from

you for a moment. Everything in me pulled me toward you. Then you
disappeared and I didn’t see you there the next day. My heart sank,
and I thought you couldn’t want me. When you came back, gods…I
tried to show my favour for you, but I could never say it. I…I…”

My heart leapt in my chest from a combination of guilt at what I

had intentionally done to him when I had stayed away, and hope for
what he was trying to say. I reached back and stopped him brushing
my hair. It had been free from tangles for some minutes. I pulled him
around and down into my lap. The chair creaked warningly. It wasn’t
that sturdy, and definitely not made for two, but I didn’t care.

“Tell me, Bel.” I framed his face, tilting it so he looked at me. I

ran my thumb across his cheek. Dark eyes widened, and his chest
heaved. When he spoke, it was in a whisper.

“I love you.”
“Oh, Bel, I love you, too. I never thought I would have anyone

like you in my life. The things I have done. I never thought anyone
could accept it, accept me. Without knowing about it all, they could
never know who I am. You are so sweet, and good, and I need you so
much.”

He curled into my chest and rested his head on my shoulder. His

shoulder dug into me a little, but I didn’t care. Then he shifted
uncomfortably for a minute before settling again and sighing happily.
I was more comfortable, too, but would never have said so. Bel had
been on my lap and still was. He was with me willingly, knowing all
about me, well, mostly. And he loved me. What had I ever done to
deserve a precious gift like him? I did not know. I would have been
willing to do anything to keep him, but he actually wanted to be with
me. He wanted me in his life.

120

Violet Joicey-Cowen

I picked him up and carried him over to the bed, putting him down

on the covers. His dark eyes were wide and vulnerable as he looked
up at me, but I could see the love in them now. I leaned in and kissed
him softly, barely touching my lips to his. His mouth clung to mine,
following me as I drew away.

“Wait there. I won’t be long.” Then I glanced at the still open

window. It was nearly dark outside.

“Go ahead and shut it.” Amusement shone from his face. “I know

you will worry if you don’t.”

I did, and then I gave him another quick kiss before going back to

my pack and grabbing a top to put on. I couldn’t help looking at him
one more time before I left the room. He lay on his side, propped up
on one elbow, so nearly naked, watching me. The sleek lines of his
body were enticing, and I had a fierce urge to return, uncover, and
taste every inch of that olive skin.

Outside the room, four guards stood on duty, two at either end of

the corridor. I nearly blushed at the thought of what they must have
overheard, but I managed to control it. Being overheard in that
manner had never bothered me before, but then I had never cared so
much about the person I was overheard with before either. Protecting
him and his privacy made a big difference.

I waved one of them over and asked them to send for our meal.

My new understanding with Bel did not erase my paranoia about his
safety, and I thought the main room downstairs would be too
dangerous. There was no way to properly secure the room without
ejecting and annoying all the other customers. I quickly went to the
bathing chamber to gather our clothes, but they were not there.

As I stood, looking around, the maid from earlier returned to the

room. She carried two large buckets of steaming water on a pole
balanced across her shoulders. There must be other customers waiting
to use the room now that the royal guest had finished with it.

“Your clothes have gone to be cleaned, sir.”

Shadow’s Dagger

121

“Ah, my thanks. When they are ready, they can be given to any of

our guards. They will ensure they are returned to us.” I left, before I
could get growly with her again. She was too pretty, and I still felt
jealous over the way Bel had looked at her. He was mine. I hurried
back to him gladly.

As I returned to our room, the food was being carried in. I had to

rein in the automatic anger at Bel for opening the door for anyone
else, even if it was his guard. I couldn’t help it. For years, I had been a
killer, and though I no longer took jobs on, I had forgotten nothing.
There were so many tricks to getting someone to open a door, and
there were all sorts of ways of killing someone. Earlier, I had been
thinking about arrows and other throwing weapons, when he had been
beside the open window. I knew the thought had not occurred to him,
but I had not had time to explain it to him before everything had
gotten out of control. He had not known why I had been so angry, but
I had not been angry, I had been scared.

“What is it?” Bel asked, the moment the door shut behind Taseron

and the others. The guard would keep watch in shifts throughout the
night, never allowing their prince to sleep unprotected. Of course,
they still did not know who I really was, or what I could do, and I was
happy enough for things to stay that way. There would be enough
people out there who would want me dead, who would love to find
out my real identity, so it was better to keep the knowledge confined
to those who really needed to know.

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” I tried to put aside my thoughts of

the danger I knew he had put himself in earlier, but he was getting to
know me a little too well and saw through me. He knew there was
something, and I could see that he knew.

“Okay.” He sat down at the small table where the food waited,

looking at it rather than at me, but making no move to eat anything.

I sighed. I did not want him to think I did not trust him with my

thoughts, or that I did not care enough about his feelings that I would
keep things from him.

122

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“I’m sorry. It’s nothing, really. I was just thinking about earlier,

when you were by the open window.” I stood beside his seat and put
my arm around his shoulders. He leaned into me and rested his head
on my stomach. “I know you didn’t understand why I was so mad
about it, but all I could think then was about weapons which could be
thrown or fired from a distance. I was scared for you,” I admitted.

He lifted one arm and traced the muscles of my stomach through

my shirt. “I am sorry, too. You are right. I had not thought about
that.”

“I know. Which is why I tried not to worry you with it just now. If

you ever think I am keeping something from you like that, ask me. I
don’t want you to think I am hiding anything and have you worry
about what it could be. If there is anything I really need to keep to
myself, I will tell you. All right?”

“All right. Are we going to eat now? I’m hungry.” He peeked up

at me, happier now and smiling, and I bent to kiss him before moving
around the table to my seat.

“Hungry? That is great.” Remembering his low body weight when

we had first met, it was always good to see him really want to eat.

“Can’t think why.”
“Are you smirking at me?”
“Why would I be doing that?”
I grinned at him, happy beyond words to see this playful side of

him. “Oh, no reason.”

After we finished eating, I called for a maid to remove the dishes

and leftover food. They had sent a lot, going rather over the top to
impress their royal visitor.

Once we were alone again, I took Bel to bed. The day had been

long, with travel, our mutual frustration, and then the fight and what
had followed on from it. I wanted Bel again, but he had to be sore
after I had gone at him like I had, and it had only been his second time
even if he had enjoyed it. So though he kept shooting me little
glances, and I knew he would not deny me, I climbed into the bed and

124

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Thirteen

Belden

The next day I felt extremely glad I did not have to ride a horse.

Even riding in the carriage, by the end of the day, muscles were stiff
and sore which I did not know I had possessed. My mind was happy,
but my body complained at me. Endlessly. My stomach muscles hurt
more than after I had birthed Linden, as did the inner stretches of my
thighs, and my biceps. The twinges from my ass, I rather enjoyed.
They made me feel as though Barli was still inside me, pressing me
down into the bed as he thrust into my hole. Gods, I can feel him now.

Barli had actually backed off a little, and was riding a horse

alongside the carriage. I had confessed to him what I could explain of
the reasons for my attitude the day before, and he had thought that
riding beside the carriage would give me a measure of privacy while
still allowing him to stay close and watch over me.

Only now, I didn’t want that, did I?
No. I wanted him in the carriage right next to me, and I grew more

and more annoyed with myself for being unable to say so as the day
wore on. He gave me what he thought I wanted. It wasn’t his fault
that was no longer the case.

A week later, my body was back to normal once more, but Barli

had not given any sign of wanting to touch me intimately again. He
held me tenderly every night and kissed me, rather too chastely, but
made no attempt to go near my cock, or even his own. I thought it
might be because of how close the guard was at night, surrounding

Shadow’s Dagger

125

my carriage, but it was still making me frustrated again. This time I
tried to do a better job of hiding it. I did not want to disappoint him.

The last time I had journeyed to Rativa, we had travelled a very

different route. We had come down from Persandin, at the base of the
mountains, following the path of the Pesar River until reaching the
dark walls of Rativa. Their familiar sight was a welcome one.

The walls were built from an unusual black stone which was only

found locally. They would have once been brilliantly shiny, but
centuries of sandstorms and salt air from the sea had pitted the
surface, leaving it dull and dusty. Though it may sound ridiculous at
first, the stone was one of the reasons for the past battles over the city.
When freshly mined, or refinished and cared for, there is a lustre to it
which is only usually seen in marbles or gemstones and this rock is
harder, heavier, and more durable. The only reason the passage of
years shows in the stone of the walls is due to just how many years
have passed since they went up. No one is going to waste time or
water cleaning dust and salt off the walls of a city caught between
desert and sea.

The Pesar River runs through the middle of the city, ensuring a

fresh water supply in case of siege. In the past, attempts to dam the
river all failed and the conclusion had been drawn that though the
river already looks large, a greater part of it must flow underground,
because it never ran dry.

Half of the guard who had been sent on ahead, waited at the city’s

western gate, along with at least fifty of the city’s own warriors who
were armed to the teeth. My men, in their brown and red leathers,
stand out among the black mismatched uniformed men of Rativa. I
felt proud of them for not allowing themselves to appear intimidated
at being outnumbered five to one. I would not let them down by
allowing my own fears to show.

I was essentially entering hostile territory to begin talks with a

second, previously hostile, force. I prayed I would come out of it
alive.

126

Violet Joicey-Cowen

The time I and my brothers had been here before had been

relatively brief, and no one had known who we were. We had merely
been a group of men thought to be travelling from Persandin to the
Sea and leaving from there on a boat along the coast in the direction
of Eristan.

This time, my arrival had been arranged in advance, for the

purposes of truce talks, and everyone would know exactly who I was.
I swallowed nervously and let the curtain fall back across the window
of the lounging section of the carriage. Mustn’t be seen peeking out
like a curious child.

The carriage stopped for a few moments when we arrived at the

gates. The door on the left hand side opened, making me jump and my
hand fly to my dagger.

“Are you all right?” Barli murmured as he climbed in.
“You scared me.” My heart thumped wildly in my chest, and I had

to take a couple of slow breaths to try and calm myself down. I
released my sudden death grip on the dagger’s hilt.

“Good. You should be on alert. It is good to see you are.” The

corner of his mouth quirked. “Sorry for scaring you though.” He
settled himself beside me, but not too close just in case there was any
danger and he needed to react quickly. If that happened, then being
right up against me would hinder his movements.

“I’m glad you’re here.” I think he must have seen the nervousness

in my weak attempt at a smile, because he reached for my hand and
gave it a squeeze. It steadied something inside me, and my tension
dissipated a little.

“I needed to be closer. I cannot let anything happen to you.” He

had an odd look on his face, pensive and yet highly alert and
watchful. It was not the time to question him about it thought.

The carriage began moving again, rumbling along the road which

wound its way between the dark buildings that were all made of the
same dark stone as the city walls. We were jolted by the odd bump in

Shadow’s Dagger

127

the road, but it was not often, and the ride was smoother than in most
cities.

No one outside of the city knew where the stone was mined from,

only that it had to be somewhere nearby. Regular mines had been
found, but not the ones for that particular stone. It was puzzling. It
would take a huge quantity of the stone to build an entire city, so
where had it all come from?

The Eristani Shazi was a much grander inn than the last one we

stayed at, which in itself had been better than expected for such a
small town. Before Barli went to get out, I saw him glance up at the
building. He looked at the sign bearing the inn’s name and something
flashed in his eyes. He sent me a reassuring smile, but it only raised
my suspicions further. Hmmm…they would have to keep. He got out
and turned to help me down.

“Well, well. This will do very well indeed. Don’t you think, my

dear?”

I had not noticed the extra swish in my husband’s stride until that

moment, but the feminine tones of his voice had me struggling not to
do a double take. I had to try so hard not to look as though I was
staring at him in bewilderment as he pranced around the main room of
the inn. There was no other word for it. He pranced, oohing and
aahing as he made his way around the room. He always acted more
overtly feminine when in front of anyone else than when it was just
me with him, but this was something else.

The inn was open and airy, with high ceilings and large windows,

and furnished with a pale wood which stood out against the dark
stone. I shrugged inwardly then attempted to follow Barli’s lead,
though I would not be able to take the act as far as he was doing.

“It is very nice. Who will show us to our rooms?” I turned my

attention to the proprietor and his wife, and the other servants who
were lined up to greet us and be inspected. For as long as we were
here, the entire inn would be ours, and they would be well paid for
their troubles.

128

Violet Joicey-Cowen

The proprietor’s wife, followed by two giggling and whispering

maids, showed us to our rooms. They took up the whole top floor of
the building, which, though far smaller than any of the floors below,
was still a fair size. There was a rug made of woven Raniten silk on
the floor, and the bed was hung with more in a lighter shade of
cream—very expensive.

The bed itself was a very good size, and I had to work not to blush

as I looked at it. I would be properly alone with Barli for the first time
in a week that evening and I wanted him to take me again. I want to
feel him over me, inside me, mastering my body once more.

I let the woman know my satisfaction with the room and she left

us, ushering out the maids in front of her, telling us that one of them
would always be available to see to any of our needs. We had been
met downstairs by the rest of the guards who had come ahead to
Rativa. They had been resting over the day and would now settle into
a routine with the others who had stayed with us, so there would
always be someone on watch. The rested guards would take first shift.

Then it was time for a bath. I fought to hold back my grin as I

thought of what had happened after my last bath, and I could see from
the twinkling in Barli’s eyes that he had the same thing in mind. The
adjoining bathing chamber was wonderful, and it made Barli far
happier with my security. By the time I was clean, though, I was
yawning my head off and fell into bed without eating. Barli must have
been as tired as I, because he climbed in, curled around me, pulled me
into his chest, and fell quickly asleep.

In the middle of the night, I stirred. Something was wrong and I

couldn’t figure out what it was right away. I was muzzy with sleep,
and my hair tangled over my face. I slid my arm out to reach for Barli
and realised the bed beside me was empty. The sheets over the rest of
the bed were cool and he must have been gone for some time.

A strange sound from the bathing chamber set my nerves on edge.

What was that? A minute later, the door opened, and Barli walked in

Shadow’s Dagger

129

without a sound. He blended in with the shadows. He stopped when
he glanced at the bed and saw me watching him in the dim light.

“Is everything all right?” I asked.
“Of course. I am sorry, I did not mean to disturb you.”
“What’s going on? And what on Hari are you wearing?” I reached

for the light beside the bed and stroked a finger over the charm to turn
up the brightness to a higher level so that I could see better.

My husband wore dark patchwork leathers in a mixture of colours,

black, brown, and dark grey. He wore his usual black boots on his
feet, but had topped the outfit with a cloak of a similar patchwork
design as his leathers, though of more varied materials. He removed
his cloak and folded it quickly, stowing it in a pack.

“You didn’t see that.” He shot me a glance and my stomach

jumped uncomfortably as I realised he felt guilty about something.

“See what? What is going on?” He was worrying me now. He

sighed, and came over to sit on the edge of the bed.

“I had to go and make contact with the people who would reach

out to my gr…my contact, Dax’purri.” His lips thinned and he looked
away.

I frowned, latching onto what he didn’t quite say. “What were you

going to say? Your gr…? Your what?”

“Fuck. I didn’t mean for you to see me dressed like this.” He ran a

hand over his head and down over his plaited hair, looking almost
ashamed. Then he shook himself, deciding something. “No one can
know this. Not the king, not Korin, not Glare, no one. Do you
understand?”

I nodded. What is he going to say?
“Dax’purri, the man Cesteru says we need so badly, is my

grandfather. He is very old, though he does not look it, and he has
occasionally taken lovers over the years. He fell in love with my
grandmother, and married her. Their only child, my father, was born a
couple of years later. It was too painful for both of them to grow apart
as age separated them, so he visited less and less as the years went by.

130

Violet Joicey-Cowen

She died, while my grandfather stayed young. When my father met
and married my mother, they were so happy together, but my
grandfather warned them not to have children. I never knew why. The
only thing he would tell me was that it was vitally important that no
one knew I was of his blood.”

“But…” My heart thumped madly. “What about Linden?” I was

terrified someone would come after my husband if they found out
who he was, but I felt even more scared for the defenceless child we
had left behind at the palace.

“Linden is safe. As long as no one knows who I am, no one can

know who he is. When I need to see my grandfather, I have to come
to Rativa and send the word through certain people that I need to see
him. But I have to do it quietly, in secret.”

“Is that why you are dressed like that?”
Barli glanced down, grimaced, and stood. He stripped off his

leathers as he continued to talk.

“There is an old—very old, mind you—group of people

throughout this land who call themselves the brotherhood. They are
strongest across Nilan’dane, Birindaw, and Rativa, but their reach is
much farther. I believe they will be in every country man treads the
soil. They are dangerous, but will do anything to help one another.
My grandfather is one of them. I have to dress as one of them when I
want to contact him. That is why I have the cloak.”

“And the leathers?”
“Those are from…my old life.”
Ah. I understood now. Those dark patchwork leathers would give

freedom of movement, while allowing him to stay hidden in the
shadows, unnoticeable. Requirements for an assassin.

I inhaled as he climbed into the bed and slid close. I reached for

him and tugged gently on his braid to get him closer still. Undoing the
tie at the end of the braid, I unravelled the twists holding his hair
weaved together. That is better. I loved his hair. I liked running my
fingers through it.

Shadow’s Dagger

131

Heat radiated off his body, except for his feet. Those were cold!

He flipped his hair out of the way and looked down at me where I lay
on my back. I quickly reached for the light and turned the charm
down again. I did not turn it off completely, but left enough light to
see him by, and then I stretched up a hand to touch his face.

“It’s okay. I understand about that. You don’t have to hide it from

me.” I ran my fingers along his cheek, and he turned his head to
nuzzle my hand. He pressed a kiss against my knuckles then shifted
his body. A thrill went through me when I felt his hardening cock
against my hip.

He bent his head and whispered against my lips. “Bel.”
A flush of heat spread through me when his lips touched mine. He

had never touched me that gently in passion before. Both times we
had been together were hard, fast, and mind-blowing. This gentle
sweetness was something else.

His fingers began to explore. He stroked my neck and the side of

my body, almost tickling. Then his touch grew a little firmer. He
found one of my nipples, pinching it and making me gasp as a jolt of
sensation shot straight to my cock. Barli must have noted my reaction
because he stayed with my nipple, rolling it between finger and
thumb, and pinching it almost to the point of pain. I whimpered and
moaned into his mouth, writhing beneath him, my every move a plea
for more. I could hardly believe how sensitive my nipples were to his
touch.

When he broke the kiss and moved his head to my chest to lick

the nipple he had worked into a tight bud, I gave a wordless cry and
arched up into his mouth. He suckled for a moment then turned to the
other side of my chest so he could give his attentions to my other
nipple with his teeth and tongue.

“Take me, Barli, please.”
He paused in tormenting me, releasing my aching nipple with a

wet sound. “You want me to fuck you?” His voice was low and
husky, almost unrecognisable.

132

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Gods, yes.”
“Say it. Tell me you want me to fuck you.” The command in his

tone turned my insides to liquid.

“Fuck me. Please, Barli, I want you to fuck me. Please, please.” I

craved his touch. I did not care in the slightest that I had been reduced
to begging. He could demand anything of me when taking charge in
that way.

He turned me over onto my side, so that my body faced away, but

twisted my head slightly more toward him so he could continue to
kiss me.

“Wait there. Don’t move.” Despite the warmth of the room, my

back felt cold the moment he left the bed. I watched as he dug through
a pack and retrieved a small flask carefully wrapped in cloth. He
returned to the bed, and the feel of him, warm and naked behind me,
had me arching my back again, this time so I could press my ass back
against his hard shaft. “Stop that.” I did as he told me, without
question. I was his to command.

My body was tight with need, my muscles taut while my insides

felt heavy and hot, liquid. Barli lifted my upper leg, grabbing one of
my hands and making me hold my leg up in the air with my knee
bent.

“Don’t let go,” he ordered.
I won’t. I could not quite see what he was doing, but he fiddled

with something for a moment before reaching back to the nightstand.
Then his fingers were at the crease of my ass, and they were slick
with oil. That must be what was in the flask. The sensation of his
fingers sliding against that most intimate part of me, slippery from the
oil, was incredible. I moaned, wanting badly to push back and impale
myself on those questing fingers, but only moments ago he had told
me not to move in that way. I had to contain the urge to move, though
I felt desperate to. Being made to stay still heightened my awareness
of every feeling in my body.

Shadow’s Dagger

133

Unlike either of our other times together, he teased my entrance

for a while. Edging just the tip of a finger inside me, he went no
farther than the first knuckle then dipped it out and back in again,
over and over. Right when I thought I would snap and force myself
backward so I could take him in deeper, he slid gently in, curving his
finger until he hit the spot inside me, which made me see stars. He
rubbed over it once then ignored it, stimulating the sensitive skin
around my pucker as he slid the finger back and forth, loosening me
up.

My hand clenched at my leg. I had to hold it still. My cock pulsed,

dripping pre-cum, and I swear my balls rolled in their sac. I bit my lip,
trying to hold back another moan. Barli licked at the corner of my
mouth to get me to release my lip, and as I did, the noise I held back
escaped me.

“That’s it. Let me hear what I do to you.”
He sounded like he owned me. I guess he does. My body

responded without conscious thought from me, with a high whimper
when he added a second finger. He went so slowly that there was no
burn. I ached for the burn, that spark of pain. I wanted it, but he
continued to go slowly, endlessly frustrating me. His mouth came
back to mine, and he ran the tip of his tongue along my bottom lip
before delving inside. His kiss was soft, drugging, and had me
floating so high that I struggled to remember to keep a hold of my leg.

After Barli had stretched me with three fingers, he withdrew them

and positioned his cock against me. He pushed forward in such tiny
increments that I shook with need by the time the head of his cock
popped through the ring of muscle.

My hole clenched around him, trying to pull him in, but he paused

and waited for me to relax again before beginning to thrust gently. So
gently. It took aeons for him to fill me, and then aeons more for him
to pull out. The flex of his hips, the push and pull of him inside me,
and his lips and tongue on mine, became my whole world and I felt as
though I flew.

134

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Barli, Barli, Barli. His name kept repeating in my head.
He seemed determined to drive me out of my mind, keeping up

the slow thrusting and refusing to speed up even when I began to beg
around his kisses.

“Please, Barli, please. I need to come. Please. Harder. I need

you…need it harder. Gods, please.” But he did not reply in words,
and kept up his maddeningly slow pace.

Though the speed of his thrusts did not get any faster, he slid a

hand around my body and up my chest to pluck at my nipples again.
They were tender and tight from before, and pleasurable sparks of
not-quite-pain shot through me. I had to move. I angled my ass back
into his thrusts as much as I could, given my position.

Barli bit my shoulder in retaliation. Then he suckled on the spot,

sure to bring up a mark that would bruise by tomorrow. The thought
of wearing his marks under my clothes where no one would be able to
see turned me on even more.

“I told you…not to…do that.” His breath was hitching now, and I

knew he would not be able to last much longer.

He shook his head, flipping his hair back, and his hands tightened

on my body. More bruises. Yes. Feels so good. The urge to rebel, to
test him, had me pushing back into him again, and this time he
growled as he bit my shoulder and pinched my nipple sharply. My
head fell back. I was almost there. So close.

Barli choked out a deep cry and thrust hard, once, into me. “Come

for me.”

I howled and came. It went on and on. Spurt after spurt of cum

was forced from my balls until they hurt with the pressure, and my
mind flew free in a blissful haze.

This time when I came back to myself, Barli held me cradled

against his chest. He whispered nothing-words into my hair, crooning
soft meaningless noises, and stroked my back. I felt so safe. Safe,
protected, and loved. I nuzzled in closer, breathing in the smell of sex
and his sweat. It was musky and sharp, and all Barli. It made me want

Shadow’s Dagger

135

to growl and wrap myself up in him. Never want to give this up. Want
to be here with him forever, just like this.

First, though, we had to get through the next weeks. There were

peace talks with the emissaries from Birindaw. We had to get in touch
with Barli’s grandfather, avoid the woman who had hired him to kill
me and my family, and prevent anyone from finding out about who
his grandfather was.

Yeah. The next few weeks were going to be so much fun.

136

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Fourteen

Barli

I no longer had to ease myself away from Bel in the mornings

before he woke and realised how hard my cock was, pressed against
him as it always tended to be first thing in the morning. Instead, I lay
there, feeling him breathe, and then began to tease his body until he
woke, feverish with want. We made love and then washed the sweat
from each other’s bodies in the bathing room, and frequently made
love again while we did so.

Inside the rather outwardly timid man I married lay a volcano of

passion just waiting to erupt. The more I did to him, the hotter he got
and the higher he flew. Although he seemed to get off on the rougher
aspects of our lovemaking, and when I dominated him, I felt a deep
reluctance to take things too far. His body was already covered in
finger-sized bruises from where I have held him, or held him down,
too tightly. There were also several bite marks on his shoulders, not
that I ever broke his skin, and suction bruises on his neck. I have to be
careful not to mark him where it may show. I do not know how the
members of his guard would react if they suspected I was hurting him.
He seems to crave it though, what I can do to him. But I do not want
to push him too far and scare him…Once I take him down the darker
path of passion, I will be unable to take it back. Even if we never
returned to it, it would always be there between us.

So I held myself back, more than content with what we already

had, because it was more than I ever thought we would have.

Shadow’s Dagger

137

It was as though we were newly married, instead of that being

nearly a year behind us with a child. I had lost count of the times I had
kissed the scar on his stomach, which he had been left with after
giving birth to Linden, grinning while he squirmed anxiously for me
to turn my attentions lower. I think I must have licked every inch of
his skin several times over by now.

We had just gotten back from the marketplace, to which numerous

guards had accompanied us. They were strung so tightly with
paranoia about Bel’s safety, that they looked as though they were
itching for a fix with constant small, twitchy movements and eyes that
flitted about. I had seriously begun contemplating giving them a class
on subtlety when we return to Nilan’tori. I felt just as concerned for
his safety, but I hid it rather better, playing the pampered noble to the
hilt.

At the market, we had found some stone dragon sculptures,

worked in incredible detail, in the black stone the city was famous for.
We bought several as gifts, as well as many other things, and they
would all be delivered to the inn later on.

A knock sounded on our door only minutes after we got back. I

had pounced on Bel the moment the door to our rooms shut behind us.
He giggled and pulled away, righting his clothes and begging me with
his eyes to make myself decent, too, so he could answer the door.

“Yes, Taseron? What is it?”
“There is a man downstairs to see you, Your Highness.” I could

tell the moment Taseron looked at Bel that he knew exactly what he
interrupted because his cheeks flushed and he avoided both of our
gazes afterward. I had to hold back a grin.

“Thank you. We will be down directly.”
Taseron stepped back from the doorway and gave a small bow,

holding it until Bel closed the door. Bel turned back to me. Yes. His
swollen lips, stubble-abraded chin and cheeks, and heavy eyes gave
him away rather well. He looked thoroughly ravished. My grin broke
free. I felt inordinately proud of myself.

138

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“He is so proper,” Bel whispered to me, glancing back as if

worried Taseron still lurked behind the door and was able to hear him.
Just then, we both heard the two creaks that alerted us to someone
walking down the tenth and eleventh steps from the top flight of stairs
which lead up to our floor. We must have been too involved before in
what we were doing to notice him coming up the stairs.

“You are his prince. Of course he is proper with you.”
“I’m prince to the rest of them, too. But he is stiff along with it.”
“Not as stiff as I am right now.”
“Barli!” Bel looked horrified.
“Yes?”
“You can’t say that right now. I have to go down and meet

whoever it is who has come to see me.” His trousers tented over a
distinct bulge, and he squirmed, adjusting himself.

“Hmmm…Maybe I could help you out with that before you go.”
“But…but…they are here now.” He backed away from me as I

stalked slowly toward him, until his back was flush with the door. I
lowered myself to my knees and looked up at him with a smirk.

“Yes, but you are the prince. They can wait.”
“But…”
“They. Can. Wait,” I said more firmly, undoing the tie at his

waist.

“Yes, Barli. Oh, fuck!” I took his cock out and swallowed him to

the root. Love it when he listens to me. I bobbed my head, sucking and
swirling my tongue around the head when I came up. At the same
time, I worked his trousers down, and off one leg over his shoe.

I love the taste of him, salty, sweet, and lightly musky. My hands

stroked slowly up his long, slim legs. I curved one around the back of
his thigh and tugged to get him to give me some room. He moved his
feet apart then thudded back against the door when I sank down on his
cock again and swallowed around the head. I slid my hand across his
trembling thigh and grasped the base of his shaft. Circling the base

Shadow’s Dagger

139

with my fingers and pumping gently, I moved my other hand between
his now-spread legs.

Letting excess saliva drip from my mouth, I gathered it and used it

to ease the way into his body for two of my fingers. I was hungry for
him all the time, and we had been making love often enough for my
fingers to meet little resistance. He felt hot and silky inside. I caressed
his inner walls and felt his balls tighten and rise from where they had
rested on my wrist.

The pleasure I could bring to him got me every time. I moaned

around his cock, my own hard and aching. I was not sure if I would
even have to touch myself to come.

I licked and sucked at him, alternately taking him deep and

pulling off to blow across the head. Every time I blew across him, he
shivered and his balls tightened more. My fingers continued to edge
closer and closer to that bump inside which drove his ecstasy higher. I
tried to spin it out, but I wanted to feel him come apart in my hands
and mouth.

Eventually, I allowed my fingers to reach that spot and I sucked

harder. Bel shivered and gasped above me, his hands flat on the
surface of the door. His hips rolled with every pump of my fingers
around him. His whimper stuttered and went high.

He keened as he came. I was able to draw back enough to allow

the spurts from his cock to land on my tongue, and I drank down
every drop he could give, suckling the last few from him as he began
to soften.

I let him slide from my mouth and looked up. His eyes held that

dazed look I loved bringing to him so much, as if he did not quite
know where he was, or who he was, or what had just happened. I
brought him down to me carefully and moved us both so we sat on the
floor with him between my legs and cuddled into my chest. He always
needed the time close to me afterward, and I realised I needed it just
as much as him. I loved caring for him in this way, loved knowing he
felt so safe in my arms.

140

Violet Joicey-Cowen

It did not take him long to come back to awareness this time. I

could feel the difference in him despite the fact that he didn’t move.

“You’re still hard,” he noted. It couldn’t have been difficult. The

evidence dug demandingly into his side, after all.

“Don’t worry about me.” I kissed the top of his head then tilted it

back so he looked at me. “You can make it up to me later.” I couldn’t
help smiling.

He smirked back at me. “Oh, I will.” His growing confidence with

our physical relationship delighted me.

“Come on then.” I pushed at him gently to get him to stand. He

did, frowning down at himself in an enchanting confusion.

“What did you do to my trousers?” The clothing in question

puddled around one ankle, caught on his shoe. The other leg was bare,
with only his shoe and soft woollen sock on his foot. He looked so
adorable in his bewilderment that I wanted to jump on him and drag
him over to the bed.

I settled for a small laugh. “You better change them. They are

going to be a bit creased now. You can’t meet whoever it is
downstairs looking as if you have been rolling around on the floor!”

“Would you get me a new pair out, please?” He got busy taking

his shoes off and working his other foot out of the trousers while I
went to the wardrobe where his clothes hung to get the asked for item.

Fairly quickly, he was decently clothed again. After tidying his

hair, which had somehow gotten mussed, we left the room to go
downstairs.

A tall, muscled man with olive skin—darker than Bel’s—and dark

eyes and brows waited for us. His hair was hidden by a pale-green
kufi, with a simple black band holding it in place around the top of his
head. His eyes lit up at the sight of Bel coming toward him, and his
teeth sparkled white through his closely cropped beard. I did not like
the way he looked at my husband.

Shadow’s Dagger

141

“Your Highness, it is an honour to be able to greet you on behalf

of my master, his Royal Highness, Prince Reneiren of Birindaw.” He
bowed low. “I am Tharin, your most humble servant.”

Humble. Yeah, right. That was not the impression I got.
“It is good to meet you, Tharin. I am Prince Belden, of

Nilan’dane.” As the other man rose from his bow, Bel inclined his
head in acknowledgment, without bowing himself.

“Prince Reneiren sends his greetings, and wishes me to tell you

that he is ready to arrange a meeting between the two of you at a
mutually convenient time.” His gaze still rested on my husband rather
too appreciatively. I suppressed a growl as I stepped closer to Bel. I
had to keep up my appearance as a rather flighty, pampered noble.

There was something familiar about the man I could not quite put

my finger on. It irritated me that I couldn’t place him. I did not think
that I had ever met him before, but he reminded me of someone, and
my instincts screamed at me that it was important for me to remember
who.

It was plain to me that Taseron also found the man’s presence, or

his behaviour, uncomfortable. He watched him carefully. Five of our
other guards, plus two who must have accompanied Tharin here, and
several maids all waited around the edges of the room. It was a good
job the room was large or we might have felt rather crowded.

“Give him my thanks, and my appreciation for his

thoughtfulness,” Bel said.

They spoke in that vein for some minutes, thanks for this,

appreciation for that, all political speak meant to dance around a
subject without getting to anything important or agreeing on anything,
until I nearly screamed at the pair of them in frustration. I was an
assassin, or had been. I was used to acting a part, but waiting around
while others didn’t even say anything of note was frustrating, at the
very least.

142

Violet Joicey-Cowen

In the end, finally, a tentative time was arranged for three days

later. Bel would meet up with Prince Reneiren at a meeting place in
the city, in a hall halfway between the two inns we both occupied.

I sighed with relief when Tharin left and Bel and I were once

again closing the door to our rooms behind us.

“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t like him,” I replied.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“I’m not sure.” I wasn’t. I knew I felt jealous and possessive, but

that was not what disturbed me. There was something else as well, but
I could not put a name to what it was.

I walked over to the window and opened the top part of the

shutter, allowing fresh air to circulate. The heat of the day bothered
me more than usual, or maybe it was simply my sudden, odd mood.
Bel came up behind me and slid his arms around my waist. I covered
his hands with my own, squeezing them in reassurance and leaning
back into his hold on me.

“I am sure things are fine. It is probably just me thinking too

much.”

“Really?”
“Yes.” I did not want him worrying over it. I know him well

enough to know he does not cope well with worry, and he had enough
to think about with the upcoming meeting.

“Okay.”
He sounded too quiet, so I turned in his arms. “Look at me.”

When he did, his eyes were shadowed. “Hey, I promise, it’s nothing
you need to worry about. If things change, I will tell you, okay?”

He nodded, looking marginally happier, and I pressed a quick kiss

to his mouth.

Much later, after we had gone to sleep, it was my turn to wake

alone in our bed. If his getting up no longer woke me instantly, then I
had grown too comfortable in his bed and arms. Where, by the gods,
was he? Panic skittered through my chest and I wanted to jump up

Shadow’s Dagger

143

and shout out to him, but I controlled myself and slipped quietly from
the bed. I crept stealthily through our room and over to the door to the
bathing chamber, which stood ajar. More of a breeze came through
the open door than should have, and my heart nearly stopped when I
saw the shutters over one of the windows have been opened. No. This
can’t be happening. Had someone taken him?

Peering around the side of the window frame, I saw Bel. He sat on

the roof of the larger floor below ours, staring out over the city.

“Bel, what are you doing?” I tried to keep my voice low so I did

not startle him too much, but he still jumped, his hand going to his
heart as he twisted around to look my way.

“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Come inside.” I held out a hand to him and eyed him with a stern

look while my worry turned to anger at the danger he had put himself
in.

He sighed and climbed to his feet, crossed the couple of paces

between where he had been and the window frame, and then sat down
on the frame without taking my hand. His movements were slow,
showing obvious reluctance to do as I told him. That made me
angrier.

“Bel!”
He swung one leg inside, then the other, and rose to stand beside

me. I grabbed for his arm as he stepped away, but he jerked his arm
out of reach and I missed, so I lunged for him and got a firm hold on
his upper arm.

“What is wrong with you?” I growled.
“Nothing”—he glared at me—“I just wanted some air. That’s all.”
“Then why are you being like this?”
“Like what?” He was infuriating. He knew exactly what I was

talking about.

“Like a street rat. Uncaring of your safety and without regard for

those who do think about it.”

144

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Oh, get over yourself! I was just fine for a long time before you

ever came along.” Bel’s eyes flashed with temper.

“That was in your own palace, in your own city, in your own

damned country. Not in a dangerous place like Rativa where you are
known to be a foreign noble and probably have targets painted on
you.” My voice got louder with every word, and I was nearly shouting
by the time I finished. He quailed back from me, but rallied and stood
there, glaring. He looked so fierce, with his eyes snapping and his hair
in a dark cloud around his face. Gods, he was beautiful. I couldn’t let
him distract me though. “If you want to act like a street rat, I shall
treat you like one.”

I dragged him through to our sleeping chamber, and the bed. Bel

struggled in my hold. If he had been a cat, he would have been
hissing, spitting, and clawing at me. It wasn’t easy to get him onto the
bed, but I managed it in the end and I wound up sitting halfway on the
edge of the bed with his upper body pinned down by one of my
elbows and both of his hands held tightly in one of mine. His ass was
over my legs and his legs hung off the bed, just about touching the
floor with his toes. He continued to fight me.

I swatted his ass with my free hand, but the thin material of the

kashees he wore prevented it from being the stinging slap he was so
badly in need of.

“Get off me.”
“Not a chance! Not until you learn that when it comes to your

safety, what I say goes.” Yanking down his kashees from the back, I
felt the tie at his waist snap. Then his ass was bared to me. He stilled
at my next swat, inhaling sharply. He lay there, waiting to see what I
would do next. I struck again twice more. Even though I felt steaming
mad, I was careful not to land too hard a blow. Did he push back into
that last one?

The skin on his ass had started to flush a lovely red. By the eighth

swat, I could tell he was definitely pushing back into each one. Fuck.
Can he actually like it? He must have done, because his cock was

Shadow’s Dagger

145

hardening against my thigh. I had meant the spanking as a
punishment, but now I was getting turned on, too. After ten, I stopped.
My breaths were coming hard and fast, but so were his.

“Please,” he groaned, limp across my lap.
“What do you want?” I could hardly recognise my own voice, it

sounded so husky.

“More.” He arched his back, pushing his ass up into the air.

“Please.”

It was supposed to be a punishment. If he enjoyed it, then I should

stop, but I felt unable to resist whenever he begged. I rubbed a hand
over his ass, enjoying the moan it elicited, and then let another swat
land across one cheek. Several more were alternated from one cheek
to the other before I stopped and stroked the flesh gently.

He had begun rolling his hips back into each smack, and then

down to rut his cock against my thigh. I loved the slender lines of his
back, as graceful as a dancer. Whimpers and groans issued from him
freely. He was always beautiful, but when lost in passion like that, I
did not have the words for the feelings he inspired in me.

Wet drips of his pre-cum smeared my thigh, and I could sense he

was close. The slight tang of sex and arousal hung in the air.

“Not yet. Don’t come yet.” This time, his whimper was in protest

as I released his hands and leaned over to the nightstand—which I
could just reach—for a vial of oil, dropping it onto the bed covers.
“Farther over, sweet one.” I urged him to move off my lap and to lie
full length on the bed. I peeled his kashees off the rest of the way and
then made him lift up so I could shove a cushion under his hips and
spread his legs so I could fit between them.

I knelt behind him and licked the red skin of his ass. Beautiful. Bel

trembled. I ran my tongue down his crease, separating the globes of
his perfect ass with my hands. This was not something we had done
yet, and it had never really appealed to me with anyone else, but the
sight of the pretty, pink puckered skin of his hole made me drool, and
I longed to taste him.

146

Violet Joicey-Cowen

The first touch against his entrance made us both groan, and the

musky taste of him exploded on my tongue. I wanted more. I licked
around and then delved inside. Fuck, yes. The ring of muscle
tightened briefly around my tongue, so I hardened it into a spear,
jabbing it into him over and over again. He descended into a
quivering, mewling puddle underneath me. I kept going, loosening
him with my tongue. I had to do this again, and often.

When he was as loose as I could make him with my tongue, I

reached for the oil and poured some over his entrance, and more on
my cock. I fisted my cock, coating the surface with oil thoroughly
before releasing it. I did not want either of us to come until I was
inside him, so I did not linger over spreading the oil across my rock
hard and straining shaft. I was so turned on by his reaction to the
spanking that I knew it would not take me long and I had to get inside
him.

Without stretching him further, I positioned my cock against his

entrance and thrust home.

“Yes,” he moaned, squirming slightly. I paused to let him adjust,

but his back tensed and he pushed back against me, trying to take me
deeper. “No, don’t stop!”

I pulled back until the head of my shaft tugged at the inside of his

tight entrance then slammed forward again. It forced a grunt from
him, but the excess tension seeped from his back. If that was how he
wanted it, then that was how he would get it. I pulled backward and
slammed forward again, using all the power in my thighs and hips to
plunge as deep inside him as I could get. Felt fucking amazing.

Needing to change position, I moved so that my legs straddled his,

and I crouched behind him on one knee. That was better. I could get
deeper that way. I leaned over him, putting my weight onto my hands,
on his shoulders, and pounded into him over and over and over again.

Sweat coated every inch of both of us. I could feel it trickling

from underneath my hair, where it lay wet on the back of my neck.

Shadow’s Dagger

147

Bel’s hair spread out to one side, though a few dark strands clung to
the damp skin of his back.

Every grunt and groan he gave heightened the tension inside me

and made me work harder. He moved his hands up the bed, bracing
them against the headboard so his gradual upward movement would
stop and he would not end up banging his head on the wood. The
upward movement of his body on the bed had rolled him forward over
the pillow so that it now held up his thighs rather than his stomach
and hips. His ass canted upward lewdly, open and grasping at my
shaft.

“Gods, nearly there…Barliii,” he mewled.
I was close, too. My balls felt so tight they must have looked like

marbles. His inner walls clenched around me, gripping and releasing
my cock, seemingly trying to keep me inside him. I managed three
more thrusts before the sparks in my balls ignited and I roared out my
release. The first jet of my seed deep inside Bel set him off, and he
clamped down on me, shivering and shaking as his seed shot into the
sheet under him.

I collapsed over him, my muscles trembling with exertion. Not

wanting to leave his body yet, I moved to lay full length on him and
slid my hands up his arms, pulling them down and turning us to one
side. We lay together, with his back and ass cradled into me,
recovering our breath and our sweat cooling our heated bodies. My
arms were now around him, over his own which lay across his chest.

Every so often, an aftershock ran through him, and his ass

spasmed around me. Every time it happened, my hips jolted forward
and he gasped. Eventually they stopped, and I pulled away just
enough to allow my cock to slide from inside him, before moving
back. He always needed me close afterward, and I thought this time
would be no different.

It was a long time before he moved. His breathing had grown so

steady that I thought he must have fallen asleep. I was about to go to
sleep with him, when I heard a noise from the bathing chamber.

148

Violet Joicey-Cowen

What was that? “Stay there,” I whispered in Bel’s ear. He nodded.

Not asleep then. The tension returned to his body, but I could not stay
with him. I had to find out what that noise had been. Moving silently,
I left the bed, flipping the cover over Bel.

Naked, I stole over to the door and stopped, listening for whatever

further noises I could detect. Nothing. The rest of my senses were
screaming at me that someone was in there.

“You can come out, boy. I know you know I’m here. Took you

long enough,” a man said calmly, with a hint of amusement, in a mid-
toned voice.

“Da?” Relief flooded me and I glanced around the doorframe,

though into the other room, and saw the man sitting at the still open
window. “One moment, Da.”

“Need clothes, do you?”
“Uh…” It was not often someone could throw me like that, but

somehow my grandfather managed it almost every time I saw him.
“Yes.” I could actually feel a little warmth in my cheeks.

“Go on then.”
I ducked back out of sight and paused, my brain a little unclear on

what I should be doing.

“Clothes, Barli,” my grandfather reminded me from the next

room. I could hear his grin. Bastard.

His words got me moving, though. I hurried over to the chair

where my clothes from the day before were slung over the back, and I
pulled them on, tossing Bel’s toward the bed. He sat up and caught
them easily. He clearly felt uncomfortable with someone being in the
next room while he was naked, because he put his top on and then
took the trousers under the covers and wiggled around until he lay flat
on his back.

A few moments later, he threw the covers back again and stood,

doing up the tie at his waist. He had dressed under the covers like a
child on a too-cold morning.

Shadow’s Dagger

149

Bel nibbled on his bottom lip and twined a lock of hair between

his fingers. That drew my attention to the rest of his hair. He looked
thoroughly debauched. His hair was mussed, eyes still heavy with
passion, and his cheeks were flushed. I grabbed a hair tie to throw to
him, too. After tying his hair back, he stepped toward me, gasping and
flinching. I knew from his expression that the material of his trousers
must have tightened over his backside and rubbed across the sensitive
skin on his freshly spanked ass.

Hmmm…The thought of his ass, still pink and pretty, hidden

underneath the material sent a renewed twinge of interest to my cock.
No, no. Da is here. Ancestors, did he hear us?

150

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Chapter Fifteen

Belden

Judging from the lack of alarm Barli was showing, he knew the

person in the bathing chamber. I had been scared on first realising
there was someone in the next room, but when Barli relaxed, so had I.
He was never lax about my safety, being rather too uptight at times as
far as I was concerned, so I knew if he was not worrying then there
was not likely to be any danger. Still, I was curious about who the
man in the next room was, and embarrassed about nearly being found
naked by him.

When we were both decently dressed, Barli walked over to the

door and gestured for the man to come through.

The figure walked into the room moved in the same way that my

husband does—and, I realised with a start, the same way as my
brother, Glare. I dismissed the thought for now but filed it away to
come back to later. He was light on his feet, moving easily and with
catlike grace. He was taller than Barli, though not by much, and his
dark hair was shaggy and swept back, not long enough to tie.
Something about his hair looked odd. A gold hoop hung from one of
his ears, making him look like a pirate. His strongly muscled build
was obvious, even in his loose, dark clothing.

“Da.”
“Barli.”
Barli stepped closer to the strange man, and they eyed each other

up for a long moment, like warriors on a battlefield assessing their
opponent’s strength before committing to the fight. Then they both

Shadow’s Dagger

151

broke into wide grins and threw their arms around each other,
pounding backs and holding tight. What? Who is this man? And why
does he have his arms around my husband? More importantly, why
was Barli letting him?

They released each other with only one arm, and turned to me

with Barli still plastered up against the other man’s side. Barli must
have been able to read the consternation on my face because he
laughed when he looked my way. Irritation fizzed underneath my
skin.

“Bel, come meet Da, my grandfather. Da, this is Bel, Prince

Belden of Nilan’dane, and my husband.”

Oh.
This was his grandfather? My jaw dropped. The man didn’t look

any older than Barli. If anything, he appeared younger. His skin
glowed with the dewy freshness of youth, and his eyes sparkled as he
looked at me.

“Your husband? You married? Wait, you married a prince?” His

expression lost some of its brightness. “Barli, that’s dangerous! You
can’t draw attention to yourself that way.” He moved away from Barli
and fixed him with a solemn look, suddenly seeming much older than
his physical appearance should have allowed.

“I love him, Da. And we already have a son.”
“A…oh yes, of course. Nilan’dane’s royals.” He appeared shaken

and went to the table to sit down. “Where is the boy?”

“Linden is at the palace in Nilan’tori, with my brothers and their

children,” I told him.

“Is he safe there?”
“Da, if he had not been mine, and I were after him, he would be

safe there.” Barli’s statement brought the ghost of a smile to his
grandfather’s lips.

“Well, if he would be safe from you, surely nothing can touch

him.”

152

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“You know I’m the best.” There was no pride in my husband’s

voice when he said that, simply belief in his words. His grandfather
looked sad.

“Yes. I regret you had to be, but it has kept you alive.” His gaze

turned to me. “Belden, did you say? It is very nice to meet you,
Belden.” It felt a little strange that he did not even bother using my
title once. I would have immediately asked him to abandon it, but for
him not to use it at all…

“It is good to meet you, too, ummm…” I trailed off, uncertain of

how to address him.

“Oh, call me Da. You are family, after all.”
“It is good to meet you, Da.” I moved closer to Barli and he

tucked me into his side, with his arm around me.

I felt a little lost after our earlier argument. We have not had a

chance to talk about it properly. I had not meant to put myself in
danger. I had not thought that at night, in an unlit, supposedly
unreachable place, there was any danger to be found. But Da had
obviously come in through the window we had left open, so the
rooftop was plainly not that unreachable after all. I had been so angry
and upset with Barli, though not all that sure why, but I had known I
felt as though he was treating me like a child, keeping things from me.
I had known, though, that I needed some fresh air, and some space
around me rather than walls.

The city had a beauty at night, with the hot daytime air cooled by

the sun’s absence, the chaotic amalgam of noise and movement
subdued and quieter, and the thought of all those people sleeping
while I was awake. It was peaceful. Until Barli’s sudden angry
presence had jarred me and I had blown up at him. But what had
happened next was what really left me feeling unsure of myself. Not
what he had done to me, but my reaction to it, the pleasure I had
found in it.

“Well, I don’t need to ask if you are happy together. I had to wait

quite some time before I made my presence known.”

Shadow’s Dagger

153

“Da!” Barli exclaimed, at the same time as I felt my face flush

scarlet.

“Oh relax, will you? Sex happens.”
“Da!”
“I am way too old to have hang-ups about sex. And you two

obviously enjoyed yourselves.”

“Daaa.” Barli’s face had also turned red. Hmmm…I could see

why he found it appealing when mine did. Da might have been a little
outrageous, or a lot, but I rather liked him.

“Oh, fine, fine. I will behave. I do know how, just thought my

grandson would not be quite so uptight.” He grinned in my direction,
and I suddenly caught the resemblance between them.

The hair was distracting, but I could now see the lighter roots

among the dark strands—he must have dyed it somehow—and they
had the same smile and eyes. Eyes that Linden shared. I missed my
son. After carrying Linden inside my body for so long, and then being
with him most of every day, being without him for months now was
harder than I had thought it would be.

“So, Da, meeting Bel was not the only reason I sent you a

message,” Barli said after clearing his throat.

“Oh?” Da sounded curious. So was I, actually. How was Barli

going to broach the subject?

“I was contacted about a job, one which would take some time to

complete, and met with the person who wished to hire me.” He waved
one hand in the air, tightening the other on my shoulder. “This was all
before I even met Bel. I have told him and the rest of his family about
it all. She offered me an obscene amount of money to get close to the
royal family of Nilan’dane, and kill them all.” A wary expression
crossed Da’s face, but Bel carried on. “I have never, to my
knowledge, killed an innocent. I will not kill anyone who does not
deserve to die, not after…Anyway, the moment I met Bel, I knew I
would never be able to hurt him. I had to decide what I would do next.
I could not leave him, so I decided to stay, and I changed my life.

154

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“The woman who hired me is still out there, though, and other

things have happened which have led us to believe she has been after
his family for a lot longer than I thought. When I met her, she called
herself Gara, but we think her name is—”

“Fingara’dax,” Da interrupted in a horrified whisper, looking

away, with one hand rising to cover his mouth. He clenched the hand
into a fist and slammed it down onto the table, making the light sitting
on the surface rattle. “That witch! Is what Kinom did to…must she
pursue me and kill all…and then…and now this?”

I watched Da’s anger. I fully believed that if she had been

standing in front of him, Da would have ripped Fingara’dax apart
with his bare hands. His expression was ugly with rage when he
looked back at us, and his voice deadly quiet.

“What do you need from me?”
“Da?” Barli was also dangerously quiet. “Is she why you never

had many children with grandmother? Is she why father died? And
what happened to us?”

“Oh, Barlin.” My husband’s full name sounds strange to me—he

had explained to me why he went by the nickname—and it was said
softly, and full of regret. “I am so sorry. I should have told you this a
long time ago, but I did not want you to go after her and get yourself
killed. Sit down, both of you.”

Barli ushered me to a chair. I sat and watched him gather some

things. He brought a flask of watered wine over to the table, and our
two goblets. He filled both to the brim and then placed the flask in
front of Da. Da gave him a wry grin and picked the flask up. He took
a long draught before placing it back on the table. Barli dragged over
the chair from beside the bed to join the other two at the table.

Da looked over at us from the other side of the table. “I suppose I

better start at the beginning.

“Fingara was chosen by Kinom, so long ago now. She was a

Starborne mage, which wasn’t all that unusual at the time, but it was
rare enough for a Starborne to be chosen as bond-mate to a dragon

Shadow’s Dagger

155

that word spread. Not known at the time, was the instability in her
mother’s family, and her mother had died when Fingara was young.

“When the blood-plague began, the dragons who had not yet been

touched by it knew they must protect their still unborn offspring.
They brought their eggs to a cave in the mountains near my home
village”—Da’s eyes held a distant look, as if he looked back into the
past—“The sight of them all, flying overhead, day after day…They
left their eggs there, with Nilan to guard them, and they flew away. Of
course, none of us in the village knew why the dragons came and
went again, just that they had, and that one had stayed.

“A few years later, we had grown used to our rather large but

solitary neighbour. She flew out into the mountains now and then, but
that was all we saw of her. She spent most of her time in a large cave
system, high above our village. One day, another dragon appeared.
We had thought all other dragons had been killed by the blood-plague
by then, and we were sad to think of our dragon as the last. It was
Kinom. Kinom disappeared into the caves, and emerged only minutes
later, chased out by Nilan. They took to the air and fought for hours.
When they tired, they would separate, only to start up again a while
later. Eventually, Nilan defeated Kinom, and he flew off over the
mountains. Nilan flew back to her cave. Days after that, she spoke to
us for the first time. She needed the young people of our village to go
to her, which we did, gladly. The dragons had never hurt anyone, why
would we not? All the young, unmarried adults went to her. We all
wanted the chance to see her up close. She looked at us and sniffed at
us, one by one, and then she asked the others to leave.

“She told me what had happened, about the eggs, and that Kinom

had wanted to destroy them and mate with her to produce more. He
had been affected by the instability in his bond-mage’s family and he
had gone insane. He had been infected with the blood-plague, and in
coming to Nilan, he had passed it to her. She would not be able to
care for the eggs, and would die. It would take months for her to die,
but she knew it was coming. The eggs needed a guardian, and when

156

Violet Joicey-Cowen

they eventually hatched, they would need their memories. You see,
dragons can pass their memories through the magic in their blood, and
when their young hatch, they pass all the accumulated wisdom of
their memories to their young. The memories are not something they
are born with, but something they must be given. Nilan did not want
the eggs to hatch and leave the young defenceless without the
memories of their ancestors and the knowledge therein which they
would need. Without them, they would become wild, feral creatures
as they grew, who could destroy our world and each other.

“Nilan said that she could pass the memories on to me. Not that I

would be able to access them, but I could carry them for her, and then
when the eggs hatched, I would be able to pass them on to the young
ones. She said that the blood plague would not affect me, and the
passage of time would clean my blood of all traces of the plague so
that by the time the eggs hatched, I would be able to pass on the
memories without fear of giving them the blood-plague. Without
other dragons, adults, around, it would take a long time for the eggs to
hatch. She also said that while the memories resided in me, I would
never age, and it would be extremely hard to kill me.

“We had several months together. She taught me all sorts of

things, performed the ritual which would pass the memories to me,
and then she died.” Da sighed deeply.

“Fingara’dax, as she became after she had bonded with Kinom,

became enraged after Kinom’s death. She could not accept that the
plague had killed him, and that Nilan had only been defending herself
when she fought him off. Fingara was convinced that Nilan killed
Kinom—something that everyone came to believe, to the extent that
Nilan’dane and Nilan’tori were renamed in her honour—and she
wanted revenge. With Nilan’s death, she had no outlet for her rage
and she turned to me. As not only a Starborne mage, but a
Dragonborne mage also, she had had many years with Kinom and
knew that Nilan could have created me, her Dax’purri. She became
bent on finding me and putting an end to me so that Nilan’s memories

Shadow’s Dagger

157

would die with me and I would be unable to pass them on to the eggs.
The instability in her family, and the death of Kinom pushed her over
the edge. I think when they renamed Nilan’dane, it drove her wild
with anger. An entire country renaming itself to honour the dragon
who killed her bond-mate?

“She has been responsible for so many deaths and so much

destruction over the years. I have been unable to do anything to stop
it, or her, because I must keep myself and the memories safe.”

“The eggs are still out there?” I was unable to prevent myself

from asking.

“Oh, yes.”
“Cesteru was right,” I breathed.
“Who?”
“The husband of my brother, Glaren. Cesteru is Starborne.”
“Starborne? There are not many natural-borne mages since the

dragons died,” Da said sadly.

“What about the eggs? When will they hatch?” Barli asked.
“The eggs will hatch when it is time. I am sorry to be so

mysterious about it, but there is something they are waiting for.
Someone. Nilan was unable to tell me much about it before she died,
there was too much else to do. In the absence of another dragon, they
wait for the Dax’ili to be born.”

“Who is the Dax’ili?” I asked.
“That I do not know. I know the signs, and I will be drawn back

there when it is time, but that is all. Until then, I check on them
periodically.”

I glanced at Barli. A frown marred his brow, then he focussed on

Da. “So was she responsible for Father’s death?”

“Yes. I wish I could say otherwise, but though you do not carry

the memories in your blood as I do, there is a connection between
myself and my male offspring, and theirs, and so on. I felt it every
time she was responsible for one of their deaths.” The pain of many
deaths, of so much loss, weighed heavily on him, and it showed.

158

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Every time? I thought you had only had my father…? I was

there…with her. If I had known…If you had told me…I could have
killed her!” Rage poured off my husband.

“No, Barli! Do not be fooled by her appearance. I saw her once. I

know how young she looks, and how unthreatening, but do not let that
deceive you. Her magic will still be strong, and she is very dangerous.
If she had known who you were, even with all your abilities, you
would be dead. If you had tried to kill her, you would be dead. And
yes, every time. I have been alive for a very long time, Barli. I have
had children before, and she has been responsible for the deaths of
every boy.”

“What can we do, then?” Barli asked.
“Why did you want to meet me?” Da countered. “Surely it wasn’t

just to tell me that you have an enemy out there? What do you want
from me?”

Shadow’s Dagger

159

Chapter Sixteen

Barli

With some persuasion, my grandfather agreed to accompany us

back to Nilan’tori. He would come back in a week and see how
negotiations were going, and if we knew by then when we would be
ready to leave. Then he disappeared out through the window and into
the night. I closed it firmly behind him, locked it, and took Bel back
to bed.

I was reeling from all the information my grandfather had told us.

I had never known exactly what Nilan had done to him, or why. I had
only known something had happened which resulted in his
unchanging appearance, a very long life, and occasional bitterness. I
had thought that the bitterness had something to do with what Nilan
had done, but it didn’t. It came from the loss he had experienced over
the years, and from what Kinom had done to Nilan.

The thought that the very woman who had tried to hire me to kill

my sweet Bel, and his family, and who was ultimately responsible for
what had happened to Korin, was also the one who had been
responsible for the death of my father and the attack on my mother—
which had nearly destroyed her—made my head spin. She could so
easily have hired someone else, who would have gone through with
the job and killed Bel.

I held him tightly to me all through the rest of the night.
A couple of days later, Bel was ready to explode at me all over

again. He kept shooting mutinous glares my way when he thought I
was not looking, and walking around in an overly controlled manner,

160

Violet Joicey-Cowen

as if struggling not to stamp his feet. I couldn’t blame him this time. I
knew I was being overbearing, overprotective, and very clingy, but
after all Da told us both, I felt as though something would happen to
my husband the moment he was more than three feet away from me.
That could not be allowed to happen. So I hovered, and I watched
over him.

As far as I could tell, negotiations with Prince Reneiren began

well.

In order to get close to a lot of my past targets, I have had to learn

how to blend into any crowd, which means acting like one of them.
Being able to act like one of them requires a lot of knowledge of their
world and the day-to-day happenings of their lives and things they
talk about. The people I have been hired to kill have not all been from
the lower side of life. As evidenced by the surprise which had greeted
my revelations about my previous life from all who had been present
when I revealed myself to the king, I can safely say I can mix with
royalty and other nobles with ease.

Prince Reneiren was a good man, one I could respect. He had a

blunt, open, and honest personality. After the initial introductions, by
Tharin, were out of the way, we all sat down to talk on the lounging
seats which were traditional in Rativa.

“What is with this seating, anyway?” he asked in an exasperated

tone. He had been unable to find a way to sit upright on the soft
surface and ended up lying down as was intended.

“I think, if you will allow me, the thought is that if you are lying

down, it takes longer to jump up and attack someone. More effort to
do it means it’s less likely to happen because the other party has more
warning,” I told him.

He barked out a laugh. “I like that! May have to take some home

when I return and use them when we are settling disputes between the
kephilii and osurii. They tend to be hotheads, the lot of them. They
can settle arguments among their own people, but when it comes to
each other…” He rolled his eyes and made a disgusted noise.

Shadow’s Dagger

161

Bel joined him, laughing. “I may just suggest it when I get back,

also. At least for when Glare takes over. I am not sure they are quite
King Rydan’s style.”

“Prince Glaren is next in line? We had not heard that a decision

had been made between the three of you.”

“He is. His heir was born first out of the two of us. Korin’s

situation was…different. And your father?”

“Yes. He assumed the crown a couple of years ago when great-

grandfather died. Grandfather died in the plague outbreak fourteen
years ago along with my youngest sister. So father was next in line for
the crown.”

“That must have been hard. I cannot imagine losing Kor or Glare.

My own parents died also, but we were not close.”

“Did you lose anyone in the plague?” Reneiren asked me.
“No, the plague did not come to Persandin.”
“Ah, you were lucky.”
“Perhaps.” I gave a small smile, not committing to that, but he did

not need to know the manner of my father’s death.

Tharin, standing behind where Reneiren lay, muttered something

under his breath.

“Something wrong, Tharin?” Reneiren asked loudly, sounding

aggravated. He looked back at his servant.

“No, sir,” Tharin replied in a hard voice. My eyes narrowed on

them. Something was off between these two, and a thought niggled at
the back of my brain, but I could not quite dig it out. I cleared my
expression before anyone could make note of it.

The prince turned his attention back to Bel. “So, we are here to

discuss a truce.”

“We are. Rydan has given me full authority to negotiate with

you.”

“And I have my father’s. I think, between us, we can put an end to

it. Our countries have been at war for far too long.

162

Violet Joicey-Cowen

I lay, propped up on my side, and listened to the two of them talk.

I kept an awareness of the room around us, and the noises which
filtered in from outside. There were not many people in the room for
such an important event, only seven. There was Bel and myself,
Reneiren, Tharin, two guards—one of ours and one of theirs—and a
single prostaki who would record everything agreed upon for us.
Later, the notes would be drawn up into a treaty for both Bel and
Reneiren to sign on behalf of their respective kings.

Taseron accompanied us, and a man nearly Cesteru’s size was

with the other party. It had been agreed beforehand that only one
guard for each side would be present, along with two others. It was
plain to me that Tharin would be able to hold his own in a fight, and I
had no doubts that Reneiren was perfectly capable in that regard also.
So they had three warriors in the room, and we had only Taseron. I
smiled inwardly. That is probably what they thought, anyway.
Another thing they did not need to know was that I could take out the
three of them on my own without even a weapon. I felt perfectly
satisfied with my ability to keep Bel safe with the arrangements and
the people present.

An hour or so into the meeting a knock sounded on the door. It

opened to admit a slim young woman with straight dark hair and wide
grey eyes. A large man in leathers followed on her heels. My heart
jumped a couple of times. What on Hari is she doing here?

“Forgive my lateness, gentlemen, I was detained.” She looked

around the room. Her lips twitched when her gaze slid past me, but
she controlled it quickly and moved on.

Bel and Reneiren frown at each other in puzzlement then at her.
“And you are?” Reneiren asked.
“Sadia, Your Highness. Certain people have asked for my

presence to ensure that this city’s welfare is looked after. You are
discussing a truce when you have both battled for control of Rativa in
the past. Did you not think they would have an interest in how things
turned out?” A familiar glint entered her eyes.

Shadow’s Dagger

163

I cleared my throat. Bel glanced my way, and I gave him a

warning look. This was not a woman to be messed with, or regarded
lightly.

“Very well, Sadia. If it is all right with Prince Reneiren, come on

in and be seated,” Bel said. Reneiren gave an agreeable shrug.

“If I may,” Tharin put in with an obsequious little bow. I nearly

laughed and asked who he thought he was kidding, but everyone else
nodded so I kept quiet. He gestured in the appropriate directions as he
spoke, introducing everyone. “His Highness, Crown Prince Reneiren
of Birindaw. His Highness, Prince Belden of Nilan’dane, and Royal
Consort Barli of Nilan’dane, husband to Prince Belden.” Sadia’s eyes
filled with amusement when Tharin got to me, though I doubt any of
the others noticed.

Sadia behaved herself almost perfectly while Reneiren and Bel

briefly went over the things they had already discussed. She shot the
odd, knowing, look in my direction, which would have given her
away if either of them had been paying attention to her and not each
other. She asked pointed questions at the right times and put forth her
own opinions on matters which concerned the city, and she listened.
No doubt about it, she knew what she was talking about and was no
fool. But then she never had been.

The day wound to a close and we all agreed to meet again at the

same time, two days later. It would give us all some time to think
about everything and then discuss it all once things have settled in our
minds, as well as further subjects.

As we were all leaving, I managed to hiss in Sadia’s ear without

anyone seeing me. “The Shazi, top floor, midnight.” I gave her a
rather pointed glare, and then swept from the room in Bel’s wake.

Of course, Belden could tell that something was up with me. He

kept looking at me curiously, but never asked what was wrong. I
fidgeted all through supper and could not concentrate on the game of
kang he suggested.

164

Violet Joicey-Cowen

The game went on with Bel looking increasingly worried. His

attention was more on me and less on the game. I moved my pieces
around the board without much thought. As midnight approached, Bel
started to shoot longing looks between me and the bed. I would have
loved to oblige him, but I was expecting a visitor, one I could not
explain until they arrived.

“Go to bed, sweet one, if you need to.”
“Are you not coming, too?” His teeth gnawed on his bottom lip.
“Don’t do that”—I reached over and ran my thumb over the

reddened lip and his eyes darkened—“you will hurt yourself. Go to
bed. I will stay up a while longer.”

“Is something wrong?”
“No, I—”
An owl hooted, sounding surprisingly close to one of the shuttered

windows in the bathing chamber. Very surprising, seeing as owls
were not normally found in Rativa at all.

“Of course not. I will be back in a moment.” I got up and walked

through to the bathing chamber. Going to the window, I unlocked the
shutter. Sadia’s grinning face looked at me from the other side of the
frame.

“What, by all the gods, are you doing in Rativa?” I growled at her.
“Nice to see you, too.” She smirked at me and swung herself

easily up and over the windowsill, landing without a sound.

“Come here,” I sighed, and pulled her into a tight hug when she

threw herself at me.

“Am I to always find you in the arms of other people in the

middle of the night?” Bel asked in an aggrieved tone from the
doorway. “Who else do you have lined up? Are they coming
tomorrow night, or do I get you then?”

“Excuse me?” Sadia pulled away enough to look over at Bel with

a frown of confusion, though her arms were still around my neck.

“Da’s in town,” I told her. “One of the reasons we came here was

to contact him.”

Shadow’s Dagger

165

“Can you please put my husband down?” Bel glared daggers at

her now. Damn it, Bel. That was totally the wrong thing to say.

“Who, me?” Sadia leaned in closer, aligning her body with mine.

It put her at just the right angle for me.

“Perhaps this will help.” My fingers were already at the back of

her neck, too late for her to jerk away. But I had had enough of seeing
Bel worrying about my fidelity.

As the leather thong, along with the stone which hung from it, fell

from her neck, Sadia’s black hair melted away, turning blonde and
curling up. Her grey eyes changed to blue, and her features shifted
subtly until I looked at an almost mirror image of myself.

“Bel, meet my sister, Zana. Zana, please be nice. This is my

husband, Prince Belden.” I held the charm she used to disguise her
appearance out, dangling it by the leather thong, and she snatched it
out of the air. She glared at me.

“Spoil my fun why don’t you, brother!” Then she squealed with

the most feminine sound I have ever heard her make, and threw
herself at my husband. “Gods, you’re just adorable!”

His shocked face stared at me—open-mouthed, and with his arms

out to either side—over her shoulder while she bounced on her toes,
hugging him. Eventually, he patted her awkwardly on the back and
she let him go.

She flounced through to the other room, calling back to us, “Got

anything to drink?”

“There’s some watered wine on the table.” With our nighttime

visitors, and the way we seem to be going through the stuff lately, it is
a good job it is watered or our guards might start to think we had a
problem. Bel gave me a what the hell look. I shrugged. He must have
been able to read my own just go with it face, because he turned and
followed my sister. It really was pointless to fight against her when
she was in that kind of a mood.

166

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“That’s all you’ve got?” Zana asked as I quickly strode through to

join them. I did not want to leave Zana alone with Bel any longer than
strictly necessary. Gods knew what she would tell him!

“Yes,” Bel replied.
“Eh…it will do then.” She glanced around and repeated my

actions of a couple of nights before, collecting goblets and filling
them, but kept the flask for herself. “Sit, sit, both of you.” The third
chair still stood by the table where it was left after Da’s visit, so we
all sat. Zana was grinning again as she looked between Bel and I.

“Stop that,” I said.
“Stop what?” Her grin widened.
“Whatever it is you’re thinking.”
“Oh, Barli, I’m just happy for you.”
“Uh-huh…”
“Oaf.”
“Brat.”
She turned abruptly to Bel. “How did he ever get a gorgeous thing

like you to marry him?”

“He is rather gorgeous himself, if you hadn’t noticed,” Bel said,

trying to defend me.

“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed,” she said, fluffing her hair out and

pretending innocence as though she had never noticed that we were
almost mirror images of each other. I would have thrown something
at her if I had anything to hand which could have been thrown.
Anything would have done, just not my goblet with its liquid
contents. I thought I would probably need that with my sister in the
same room as my husband.

“Oh…I like her.” Bel grinned back at Zana. “She and Glare would

get on really well.”

“You know what? I rather think they would.” I couldn’t help

thinking of my suspicions about Bel’s younger brother. I may not
have been an official member of the brotherhood, but, along with my

Shadow’s Dagger

167

grandfather and despite her sex, my sister was. “So, what are you
doing in Rativa, sister dearest?”

“I got bored.”
“So you came to Rativa?”
“I always liked it here. It’s full of all sorts of interesting people.”
“Define interesting?” I asked wryly, thinking of the cutthroats and

other equally delightful people who filled the city. She laughed at my
question.

“Oh, brother, now that would be telling, wouldn’t it?” Her eyes

twinkled at me in unholy amusement, and I decided I was probably
better off not knowing. “So tell me, really, how did you two end up
married?”

We told her about the Choosing, and about why I had gone there

in the first place, and we told her about our son. I had sent a message
to our mother’s house, but Zana was there so infrequently, it did not
surprise me all that much that she had not known. She was delighted,
though, and dying to see him.

Shortly before dawn, Zana once more tied the charm around her

neck and turned back into Sadia. She escaped over the rooftops and
down into the city before there was enough light for anyone to spot
her. I did not allow myself to worry overmuch about her. Ever since I
had brought the healer back for our mother, on the night of the attack,
and found Zana pushing back her fear to care for mother, and on
watching her since that night, I have known my sister can take care of
herself. She was almost as good at what I used to do as I was.

Bel and I once again fell into bed, tired and in need of sleep after a

nocturnal visit from a member of my family. He cuddled up to me,
yawning, and nestled his head into the crook of my shoulder.

“Any more of your family we should expect over the next few

days?” he asked sleepily.

“No. The only other one is mother, and she should be safely at

home in Persandin.”

168

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“You sure? No uncles, aunts, or cousins who might drop in

unannounced?” He twisted his head to look up at me with a tiny smirk
twisting his lips.

“Yes.” I smiled. “Now, go to sleep.” I kissed him then rolled us

both over and wrapped myself around his back.

Shadow’s Dagger

169

Chapter Seventeen

Belden

I could not stop staring at Sadia during the next meeting. I knew I

was supposed to treat her the same as I had before I found out that she
was really Zana, and my husband’s sister, but I couldn’t help it. My
acting skills were not nearly as good as either my husband’s or his
sister’s. I wondered if it was in their blood, or simply years of
practice. And who was the real Zana? The sharp, decisive
businesswoman, who could pick apart the smallest details of a
situation? Or the vivacious woman-brat I had met when she came to
our room?

About halfway through the meeting, I noticed I was on the

receiving end of some rather irritated looks from Prince Reneiren. Oh
dear, had he realised that my attention was not entirely focused on
him and the subject at hand? I had to concentrate after that.

Sadia was a little friendlier with me than she had been at the last

meeting. I began to wonder if it was her attentions to me that were
annoying Reneiren because the exasperated looks from him did not
stop. If anything, they increased in frequency, even though our talks
were now going more smoothly.

Did Reneiren like Sadia? I mean, did he like like her? Oh, that

could not be good! I would have to talk to Barli about it as soon as I
could. If Reneiren was developing a liking for Sadia he would end up
disappointed because Sadia did not truly exist. How would he react
when she had to turn him down? I hoped she would not lead him on

170

Violet Joicey-Cowen

and then disappear. I did not want to have our negotiations
complicated by having to deal with a heartsick or furious prince.

Fortunately, despite my distractions, we were able to agree on

provisional terms for trade and border issues. The Pesar River had
long been an unofficial boundary between our two countries and it
would be ratified in our treaty. Cartographers would be sent out to
map the exact course of the river, so that if it changed, the border
would remain the same but allow access to the water for both parties.
Desert adjoined the river in both countries, so that was an important
part of the treaty.

Rativa was to be left as it was. It would be under control of neither

country, though have trade agreements with both. The land for fifty
miles in all directions would be granted to the citizens of Rativa.

On their part, Rativa would have to set up an official city

government, and also discontinue the practice of slavery. With little
land and produce to call their own, save for the stone, they had long
ago taken to selling and trading in slaves. It was a disgusting and
inhuman practice, which both Reneiren and I abhorred. I was glad to
find we agreed on that. I was not sure if I could have continued talks
with someone who would support it. All three parties involved would
take equal responsibility for the displaced slaves and provide an equal
amount of money so the displaced slaves would not be left on the
streets. Many of Rativa’s populace would be resistant to releasing
their slaves, and that part may take several years to accomplish, but
the sale and trade would be stopped within a month of the treaty being
signed. I found out later that it was one point Zana had been heartily
glad that someone had brought up. She supported it no more than I
did, but as she was acting on behalf of the city it had not been her
place to be the one to mention it in the first place.

Da returned, on the night he said he would, and then again weekly

after that. By the time talks were nearly concluded, everyone was
relatively happy with the terms, so we started to make plans to leave
about a week later.

Shadow’s Dagger

171

The last time that Da came, he arrived much earlier than he had

been doing, only just after dusk had fallen. He and Barli were talking
in lowered voices at the table when a knock came at the door.

After Da bolted for the bathing chamber, I opened the door to find

one of my guards, who told me Tharin was there to see me. Barli had
gone into the bathing chamber with Da, and I did not wish to appear
weak by wanting him to go with me. Something about Tharin always
made me feel uncomfortable, but it was nothing I could put my finger
on, and it was not as though I was about to leave the inn on my own.
My guards were everywhere, so what could go wrong? I descended
the stairs and walked through to the private receiving room where he
had been shown to wait for me.

“Ah, Prince Belden.” He bowed.
What did he want? “Tharin. What can I do for you?”
He straightened and looked me over. I did not like his smile, nor

the gleam in his eyes—they reminded me of too many of the men at
the Choosing, coveting and lustful. Why had I not waited for Barli?

“I have been asked by Prince Reneiren if I could contact Sadia for

him. It is nothing to do with the treaty, but he wishes to talk with her
and we cannot seem to find her. She disappears as soon as she leaves
the meetings. Do you have any way of contacting her?” He looked a
little too knowing now and his tone a little snide. Had he also noticed
her partiality for Barli and myself? The stress he put on that one word
hinted that he had, but suspected something totally other than what
was really going on.

“I am afraid I do not.” I was not about to tell him that she was

really my husband’s sister!

As we talked, Tharin moved closer and closer. Initially, I stood

my ground, but he came too close and I was forced to step backward.
A tendril of fear curled in my gut. Tharin was taller and carried more
weight than I did, all muscle by the look of him, and his nearness
intimidated and scared me. He came forward another step, and I found

172

Violet Joicey-Cowen

myself unable to move farther away. My back was pressed up against
a pillar.

“Are you sure? You seem awfully friendly with her.” He had the

nerve to smirk at me.

“Tharin, I would ask you to step back.” My heart thudded in my

chest. I hoped he could not see how much he was scaring me.

“Surely you do not mean it, my prince? I have been watching you

and your little husband. You cannot tell me a pretty boy like him
could be enough for you?”

“He is more than enough for me, and he is my husband. I am not

your prince. Step away from me.” I shrank back as he leaned in,
ignoring my words. When had he put his arms on either side of me on
the pillar? I was trapped. Oh, gods, no.

He chuckled. More than anything, that scared me. I froze. “A

puny little man like that? No, you need someone more like—”

“Like you?” a deadly voice asked from the now open doorway.

Oh, thank the gods, Barli!

“That is never going to happen. Now, do as he asked you and

move away, before I do something which would jeopardise all he and
Reneiren have been working toward.” Barli stalked forward, murder
flashing in his eyes.

Tharin’s arms fell to his sides as he straightened to look at my

husband. I ducked past him and hurried over to stand behind Barli,
trembling in relief. A tiny part of me had wondered if Barli was the
only one who could make me feel as he did. When he was close, all I
wanted to do was submit to him, but the same nearness with Tharin
had terrified me. The amused look had not faded from Tharin’s face.

“You? What could you do?”
“Do not try me and find out.” Tharin’s brain must have finally

caught on, because he paled slightly as he took in Barli’s expression.
“Right now though, it is time you were leaving. Guard!” Two of my
guards appear promptly at his call. Why had I not just called for them
myself? “Tharin is about to leave, but he is concerned about walking

Shadow’s Dagger

173

the streets of Rativa at night. Would four of you see him safely back
to his inn?”

Barli watched, turning so he could keep his eyes on Tharin as he

was escorted from the room. The moment we were alone, he took me
into his arms.

I shook violently. “Th–thank you. I thought…thought he was

going t–to…”

“That must wait.” He drew away and held me by my upper arms,

giving me a small shake. “I must wait, for what I need to say. But, oh,
Bel! Listen. Come upstairs. Da is still here. Wait with him until I get
back.” He ushered me quickly from the salon, and then on up to our
room. There were several of the guards in sight in the main areas of
the inn, but I did not feel safe until I was back up in our rooms and
Barli had locked the door behind us.

He rushed through our sleeping chamber and out through to the

window in the bathing chamber. On his way, he quickly asked Da to
lock up after him and stay with me until he got back. I heard the
shutters open and thud shut again, and he was gone.

“Is everything all right?” Da asked curiously. I nodded jerkily,

pouring myself a drink of watered wine. For once, I was the one
wishing for something stronger, but it was what we had.

My feelings were mixed. I did not want to be alone, and I was

glad for Da’s presence. He had the same strong, confident, and
powerful air about him that his grandson did—when he wasn’t hiding
it—which made me feel so safe. But at the same time, I wanted to
crawl under the covers of my bed and wait for Barli there. I wanted to
huddle under the covers and shut out the world and its dangers. Being
raised in a palace, with my every companion vetted, had not prepared
me for the realities of the dangers I could encounter. No, nothing had
really happened just now, but it could have, and it had scared me
badly. I could not hide in my bed with Da in the room, though. So I
sat. I sipped my wine, and I fretted about what my husband was up to.

174

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Da tried to distract me from my worries by asking me more about

Linden, who I was happy to brag about for quite some time. Then he
asked me about my brothers and their children. I found myself telling
him a story I had told no one else before.

“It was about halfway around our tour of the country. We had

been travelling and spending time in different places, getting to know
the people and their different customs, for just over a year. I
remember being drenched in sweat the entire time we were in
Eristan.”

“Ha! Yes, it is hot and humid there, isn’t it?”
“Very. I do not think I felt completely dry the whole time we were

in the province, and it made me so tired, all the time. Korin, Ansen,
and most of our guards were the same way. I think if I had stayed still
for more than an hour or two, I would have grown moss. Glare,
though, he was different. He seemed to revel in the heat. He had been
the same when we were in Rativa, though it is dryer here. When we
were in the mountains, too, he did not suffer from the cold in the same
way as the rest of us.

“Anyway, it did not weigh him down as much as everyone else,

and because of that, he was always landing himself in some trouble or
another. We had been in Arix for less than a day. Travelling in Eristan
is not easy for people not raised there, so we had to take everything in
very small stages. But every time we stopped, it felt as though we had
been going without pause for months. Nothing slowed Glare down,
though.

“The three of us were sharing a room, space being at a premium in

Arix.” A memory of the bridges between the trees swaying gently as I
crossed each one, came over me, and I smiled. “I woke up to find
Glare was not in his bed. The rat had scared Korin enough when he
had vanished in Rativa, so I wanted to go find him before Kor could
wake up and find him gone. I was not worrying about him falling. He
always had the agility of the tiny makx monkey which lived in the
trees around Arix. Ansen hated Arix, said it made him feel sick to be

Shadow’s Dagger

175

so far up off the ground without a solid stone building underneath
him.

“So off I went. We were not watched so closely on our tour as no

one was supposed to know who we were, so I knew Glare would not
have any guard with him. I snuck out and went looking.

“I spotted him on the jungle floor, backed up against one of the

building walls by three men and a woman. I never found out what
they wanted, he wouldn’t tell me, and I was about to shout out to call
our guard, but what happened stunned me into silence. The woman
pulled a knife. It was huge. More of a short sword really. She walked
toward him, intending on doing Nilan knows what, when lots of Shazi
appeared, seemingly out of nowhere.”

At that, Da sat bolt-upright, his eyes widening. Nothing much

seemed to shock him, or shake him out of his composure, save for
when he had learned of our troubles with Fingara’dax, but the
mention of the Shazi did. Interesting.

“They came from everywhere, dozens of them. They prowled

around all five people, hissing and growling at the three men and the
woman who had been threatening Glare. They rubbed up against
Glare. They were so gentle with him but nearly knocking him over
because of his small size. I have never seen cats like them! Even the
lions a little north of there, and other cats I had seen on our journey,
they could not compare to the Shazi. They were incredible, beautiful,
and powerful. Two of them came to stand next to Glare, one on either
side of him, and a third directly in front of him. Others came and
pushed the four people bodily away from Glare. They were making
this angry, growly yowl, their ears were flat back against their heads,
and their tails were curling and twitching with annoyance. The
strangers were gone within minutes, leaving Glare alone with the
Shazi. He stood, watching after where the people had run off, and
then without warning, he looked directly up at me.

“I do not know how he knew I was there. I had made no sound,

nor movement, but he did not have to hunt for me up among the

176

Violet Joicey-Cowen

branches. He looked right at me. Then he looked back at one of the
Shazi, a large female with cloud-splotches in light and dark brown.
She had been the one to stand in front of him before. She lifted her
head, and I could tell it was about on a level with Glare’s. They stared
at each other almost in silence for several minutes. Glare was saying
something to her, but I could not hear what, and then he bowed his
head to her and the Shazi all melted away into the trees.

“Glare was up one of the ladders and on the bridge with me so

quickly, and he asked me to never tell anyone about what I had seen.”
I thought about that for a minute. “I am not sure why I am telling you
now. You…you can’t…”

“Do not worry, I will tell no one, not even Barli.” Da looked

preoccupied. “There are things about the Shazi that most do not know.
There are local legends about them in Eristan which are not told to
outsiders unless you know the right people to ask and they trust you.
It has been a long time since the Shazi did anything so obvious. I am
looking forward to meeting this Glare. Yes, very much.”

We talked some more about my tour of the country. With Da’s

very long life, he has been to a lot of places and seen much of our
country and beyond. I did not realise he had succeeded in diverting
my thoughts until Barli’s knock sounded on the shutters, requesting
entrance.

Shadow’s Dagger

177

Chapter Eighteen

Barli

When I saw Tharin pressing Bel up against the pillar, I came so

close to killing him. Fury exploded through me at the sight of the
much larger man pinning and scaring my sweet Bel. I have never
come so close to losing control of myself, not even on the night my
family was attacked and I had killed my first man. A red haze
descended and I stalked forward. The only thing stopping me from
gutting him was the realisation that if I did so, it could start the war
again, which we were here to formally put an end to.

All the warnings my instincts had been giving me about him,

which I had tried my best to push aside, had nearly been paid for by
my husband. I hurried Bel up to our rooms—longing to both comfort
him and give him pure hell for getting himself into that situation in
the first place—slipped out through the shutters in our bathing
chamber, and down into the streets.

I followed Tharin back to the inn where Reneiren was staying and

climbed up, searching for Tharin so I could see what he would do. I
felt extremely glad for my prior knowledge of Rativa’s intricate
streets and alleyways and my ability to catch up to Tharin so that I did
not lose him. When I found him in the inn, his entire demeanour had
altered. There was nothing subservient about him in the least, now. I
discovered him and Reneiren in the middle of an argument.

“What were you thinking?” Reneiren yelled, smashing the base of

his clenched fist against the nearest wall.

“Oh, back off. Nothing happened.”

178

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“If nothing happened, why did you feel the need to warn me? And

why did their guards feel the need to escort you all the way back even
though you already had your own with you?”

“Search me. I was just being friendly.”
“Oh, Tharin! What did you do?” Reneiren sounded exasperated,

and long suffering, now. The dynamic between them puzzled me.
They did not act like prince and servant. If anything they seemed
more like…

“Seriously, big brother, you need to relax.”
Brothers! That was it. They were brothers? So why was Tharin

acting the part of a servant? Not that he did it very well, I thought, as I
looked back over his behaviour from the start. I had known something
was off from the beginning. And that was the other thing which had
been bugging me about Tharin. He looked just like their father, who I
had briefly laid eyes on years before while on a job in Birindaw.

“Relax? We are here to try and negotiate terms for an official

truce between our two countries, not begin the war all over again. I
only sent you to ask if they had any way of contacting Sadia. What
did you do?” He was furious now, annoyed with Tharin’s lack of
response to his repeated question.

I had a sudden idea, and grinned to myself at what I was about to

do. I really hoped his apparent desire for the truce to be finalised was
as genuine as it seemed.

I hopped down from the ledge I clung to and quickly clambered

up to their window, swinging myself through and landing on the balls
of my feet. “I believe I can answer that.”

Both men stared at me for a moment in stunned horror. Then

Reneiren, recovering, reached for his sword. He levelled it at me. I
stayed where I was while Tharin continued to gape.

“I mean you no harm, Reneiren, but I wish to speak with you

alone. You can keep the sword, if you wish, but your brother should
leave.” Chagrin flitted briefly across his face with the awareness that I
had caught them out.

Shadow’s Dagger

179

It was not as though the sword posed me any real danger, no

matter how good he was with it. That was not arrogance on my part,
only a fact. I know there will be people out there who would be able
to best me one day, but not him, and not now.

Reneiren and I studied each other for some minutes. I held his

gaze as we took each other’s measure. Eventually, he glanced at
Tharin.

“You can go. Wait in your room. I have not finished with you

yet.” He spoke sternly and Tharin looked as though he would protest,
but thought better of it and slunk to the door like a chastised teenager,
all angry rebellion underneath his apparent obedience. “Oh, and
Tharin? Do not tell anyone about our…visitor.” The door closed
behind Tharin with a solid wooden thunk.

Reneiren turned back to me. “So, what can I do for you? And

what was it my brother did? He seemed remarkably reluctant to tell
me.”

“Thank you for the privacy, and allowing us to talk. You don’t

seem as surprised as I might have thought.”

“Expect anything in Rativa. That is what my father said to me

before I left. Must admit, I didn’t think you were hiding anything.
You don’t come across as very…” He trailed off, unsure how to finish
without insulting me.

“Practical? Capable? Clever? Devious?” I suggested.
“All of the above, and then some,” he retorted with a chuckle. It

was a much nicer and more genuine-sounding one than I had
overheard coming from his brother earlier. “You are actually married
to the prince, yes?”

“To Bel? Oh, yes. I’m not just the pretty toy I like to appear, but

then that is rather the point of why I act the way I do. I mean to
appear that way. I have my own history, though.”

“I just bet you do. And I doubt I would want to know much of it,

but I probably should know something.”

180

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“There is time for that.” We were verbally dancing around each

other. I had not thought him a fool before, but he was even sharper
than he appeared. “What is your interest in Sadia?”

He looked momentarily taken aback at the abrupt shift in

conversation. “I do not think that it is any of your business.”

“I think it might be.”
“Why?” He was curious.
“Would it surprise you to learn that she is my sister?”
“Your sister.” He did not look sure if he knew whether he was

stating a fact or asking a question. Either way, he was disbelieving.
“You hardly look alike.”

“Appearances can be deceptive.”
“So it seems.” He looked me up and down. I was still dressed in

my public persona as Bel’s light and frothy husband. The trip up and
down several buildings in my pursuit of Tharin had scuffed me up a
little, though, and the green material of my top bore streaks of dirt.

“All right, let’s cut to it. Your brother was going to force himself

upon my husband. I do not know what he would have done if I had
not got there in time.”

That stopped Reneiren short. He opened and closed his mouth a

few times before speaking quietly. “My brother has been a fool many
times in his life, and he has overstepped the mark before, but he has
never forced himself on anyone before, to my knowledge. Is Belden
all right?”

“Shaken, scared, but unharmed. Nothing actually happened”—I’d

had time to think about it on my way through the city and my initial
wrath had cooled somewhat. I was under control anyway—“but he
had Bel pinned so he could not escape and was ignoring his pleas for
release. He looked as though he was toying with him, and enjoying
himself as he did so.”

“You have my most heartfelt and sincere apologies. Please tell

him I will deal with my brother.”

Shadow’s Dagger

181

“I will. Onto other news. I’m an assassin.” I put that out there in a

cheerful tone and waited for him to react.

“Excuse me?” One eyebrow had lifted, and his mouth hung open a

little.

“Well, I was, before I married Bel.”
“You’re…an assassin? And you are telling me this…because?

Should I be worried?”

“No, not really. Although you might do well to watch your brother

in case he gets any ideas again. I told you appearances can be
deceptive. I no longer have any interest in living that life. You needed
to know so that you can fully appreciate I am not the court fluff I
pretend to be. I need you to take me seriously, and I had to talk to you
without all the guards and Tharin around. There was more than one
reason for Belden and myself to come to Rativa. The message from
your father regarding the treaty came at a very good time.”

“What was the other reason?”
It wasn’t entirely my secret to share, so I had to hedge somewhat.

“We needed to find someone, who, I can’t yet say, but with their
agreement I would like to bring them and someone else to meet you.
There are things we must discuss.”

“When and where?” He was intrigued, good.
“Two nights from now, here. Be alone. I swear no harm will come

to you.”

“Very well.” He eyed me speculatively. “So, with Sadia being

your sister, can you contact her for me?”

I laughed. “We shall see. I must be going now. I have been here

long enough, and Bel needs me after what nearly happened.”

“Of course. I will see you in two nights’ time. I am assuming you

will require me to leave the shutters open…”

“That would be helpful, yes.” We wouldn’t exactly be able to

walk through the front doors of the inn, up to his room, and expect his
guard to be happy to leave us alone with him, so we would be better
off coming through the window.

182

Violet Joicey-Cowen

His frustration with my lack of commitment on the subject of

Sadia was plain, but his royal courtesy prevented him from pushing
me about it after everything I have said to him. Oh well, hopefully he
would not be disappointed for long. How quickly he adjusted to my
revelations boded well for him. I swung back out through his window
and made my way back to my husband.

I knocked on the shutter, after finding it locked as per my rather

rushed instructions. Da knocked back.

“Not now, Da, I don’t have time.” I didn’t want to have to go

through all the knocking and pausing and knocking again before I was
allowed back into my own rooms. The latch was undone and the
shutter opened for me. Da gave me a dry look. I couldn’t get used to
the dark hair on him.

“Safety measures won’t keep you very safe if you don’t follow

them.”

“I know.” I was a little out of breath after hurrying back to get to

Bel as quickly as I could. “Thank you for staying. Can I come to you
tomorrow night? I need to talk to you, but I think Bel will need me
this evening.”

“He has been worrying. It is good to see you back safely. I will be

in the Eristani Boar tomorrow night.”

“Somehow I knew that would be one of your places.” I latched

and locked the shutters after we said our good-byes. The damn things
were getting almost as much use as the door to our rooms at the
moment.

Pausing briefly to gather my thoughts, I then walked through to

the sleeping chamber. Bel sat sideways on a chair at the table, twisted
to look at me, and clutched at the wooden back of the chair with
white-knuckled hands. As soon as he saw me, he rose, knocking the
chair over in his haste and ran to me. Despite his far slighter frame, he
nearly knocked me over, too.

With small steps, whispered comfort noises, and gentle, stroking

hands, I eased Bel over to the bed and gradually divested us of our

Shadow’s Dagger

183

clothing. By the time we lay under the covers, and he was curled into
me, tucked underneath my chin. His shaking had stilled, but he still
clung to me.

“I didn’t want him. I swear it, Barli.” His almost whispered voice

was full of insecurity as though he wasn’t sure I would believe him.
As if I would have that little faith in him.

“Shhh, Bel. Of course you didn’t. I know that.”
“I only want you.”
“I would never doubt you. I am sorry I had to leave, but I had to

find some things out, which I could only do on the tail of what he just
did.”

Bel was quiet for a moment. “Like what? You didn’t hurt him, did

you?” I suppose I can’t blame him for asking that.

“Much as I felt like it, no. Tharin is Reneiren’s brother,” I stated

baldly. “I needed to see Reneiren’s reaction to what Tharin did.”

“And?” His voice was so small. I tightened my arms around him.

He should never feel so unsure of himself, or so unsafe. I was angry at
myself for letting him down, for not being there and allowing him to
put himself in that position. I had been a little angry with him earlier,
but really, what could he have done? Asked the guard to wait while I
finished my conversation with my grandfather in the bathing
chamber, who had come in through the window and was leaving the
same way?

“Reneiren was furious with Tharin for putting both the peace

talks, and you, in jeopardy. He asked how you were and asked me to
convey his deepest apologies for his brother’s actions.”

“You spoke to him?”
“Oh, I did more than speak to him. I have an appointment with

him in two night’s time, and I am taking Da, Zana, and you along
with me.”

“Me?” Bel squeaked, pulling away to lean up on an elbow and

look down at me in shock.

184

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Well, I can hardly go without you, or it would look as though I

was up to things behind your back. And as I already told him what I
used to be, that would be unwise.” Might as well get it all out there as
there would be no point in getting him calmed down about one thing,
only to upset him again when he found out the rest.

“You did what?” Bel’s hair partially obscured his face, so I carded

my fingers through it, sweeping it back to hold at his nape. He stared
at me in horror. “But…but what if it is a trap?”

“If it is, then I will get us both out of there. But I do not think it

will be. Reneiren is a good man. He is no fool, but he is honest, and I
do not think he would play us false like that.”

Bel was too wound up. I could feel the waves of tension and

worry rolling off his rigid body. Exhaustion from the stress of what
nearly happened was written plainly in the furrows of his forehead,
and in the tightness of his jaw, but he would not be able to sleep as he
was. He desperately needed to relax, and I thought he might be ready
to give something a try. I knew it would clear his mind completely of
his troubles. I worried for a moment that it might not be the right
time, but dismissed the feeling. What nearly happened with Tharin
had no bearing on what goes on between the two of us, and I
remember very clearly his reaction to the spanking I gave him. No,
this was the right thing to do. But first, I needed to get some things I
bought a few days ago from one of my bags.

Shadow’s Dagger

185

Chapter Nineteen

Belden

When Barli left my side and got out of the bed, I vacillated

between annoyance at his trying to avoid the conversation, and the
needy, scared emotions which had flooded me since he left our rooms
earlier in pursuit of Tharin. I stayed quiet, though, and watch as he
dug through the bag containing some of his latest purchases. I think
we might have to buy a waggon and more horses to transport all the
things we have both been buying back to Nilan’tori.

He returned to the bed and stood beside it, looking down at me.

Something had changed in his eyes, and his gaze was dark and heavy
on my skin. Despite my confused emotions, my cock began to fill and
my breathing deepened.

“Give me your hands.”
I wanted to question him, but the way he spoke to me stopped the

words in my throat. I sat up and held my hands out. He put some of
the items he carried down on the bed, and drew my hands together.
Then he began to tie a silken rope around them. It was similar to the
ones that had been used to tie me down on that first night we should
have been together, the night he got so sick. A protest bubbled up—
there were no maids to be let into the room by the king if anything
went wrong this time—but it died unspoken. I gave myself over to
whatever he wanted to do to me. This was Barli, and I trusted him.

He tied complicated knots around my wrists, arms, and upper

body, then guided me to the end of the bed. I was urged to my feet.
He attached the other end of the rope to the beam which ran over the

186

Violet Joicey-Cowen

end of the bed, tying it tight, so that I had to stand on the balls of my
feet. The rope ran around my wrists and then up past my palms,
giving me something to hold onto. I was…rather more comfortable
than I would have thought.

He framed my face with both hands, making me look directly at

him. “If there is anything I do which scares you, or hurts too much, or
that you simply do not want, you need to tell me.” I nodded silently.
“No, Bel. You have to tell me. I will never give you more than I think
you can take, but everyone has different levels of what they want,
what they can cope with. I need to know that you will say something
if you need me to stop.”

“I trust you.”
“That is good, but it is not the point. Bel, I know you trust me. I

need to be able to trust you to say when you have had enough.”

Gods, what is he going to do to me? Instead of the thought scaring

me, it sent a flood of my blood to my groin, bringing my cock to full
attention. “I will.”

“What will you say? You need to think about it now and tell me. I

need to know o I will be ready for it.”

“Stop. I will say stop.” What did he mean? I felt a little confused.
“Think of something else, something you would not normally

say.”

“Uh, I don’t usually tell you to stop…” Heat filled my cheeks as I

trailed off.

Barli’s lips quirked. “No, but you do say ‘don’t stop’ quite a lot. If

we are both caught up in what we are doing, I might not be able to tell
the difference.

Damn him. He was right. What could I use? My mind raced,

unable to think of a single thing. “Shazi,” I blurted. It was the first
word I could think of, but he nodded, accepting it.

“Very well. Shazi it is. Say it again. Think about the word and

how you will use it if you need to, to stop me.”

“Shazi.”

Shadow’s Dagger

187

“Well done.” I felt ridiculously pleased with myself, just from the

sound of those two words from his lips. I had pleased him. “Now, turn
around.”

He had to help me turn. It was not easy, tied up as I was. Then the

world went dark as he slipped something over my eyes and tied it
behind my head. My sensation of helplessness increased one hundred
fold, but so did my arousal. I could not help thinking about how I
must look to him, trussed up like this with my body on display. I
could almost see myself, stretched out nearly on my toes. The slender
muscles in my body, taut and defined, would be highlighted by the
low light from the lanterns. I felt vulnerable and defenceless against
him, but I had no desire to cover myself up. I liked the feeling. I
wanted his hands on me. I wanted him inside me.

There was a small noise to one side and slightly in front of me

which told me when Barli picked something up off the bed, where he
had laid the items from his bag. I arched against the single fingertip
he ran down my spine. There was nothing for a moment, but then he
stroked the same path with something else. What is that? It felt like
strands of some kind of fabric, or very soft leather. Some of the
strands fell between the cheeks of my ass, making me inhale. It
tickled.

“There was a small, almost unheard, swish in the air as Barli

flicked whatever he held away from me and then back over my skin.
He repeated the motion a few times. Though the gentle swipes of the
strands did not hurt, together they were beginning to heat my flesh.
Each flick added more sensation.

He alternated the strikes, letting them fall harder now, from side to

side and moving up my back and down the back of my thighs. I tried
to angle myself into them, but the way I was tied prevented me from
moving too much. I huffed in frustration, and he responded with a low
chuckle. The sound was pure evil and filled with so many dirty
promises that it made my balls tingle. I almost came the moment I
heard it. Fuck. Can’t come yet.

188

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Barli paused for a moment. My senses, deprived of sight, were so

alive. I could feel him moving near me, putting down the item he had
been using on me and picking a different one up. I did not tense, but
every nerve in my body was alert and waiting for whatever he would
do next.

The next slap across my buttocks was harder. The leather—yes,

this one was definitely leather—strands were thicker and less
forgiving. It stung now, but in a good way. So good. I swayed ever so
slightly into each blow and my breath came in heavy pants, loud in
my ears. One of the blows landed over the lower half of my ass, and a
strand curled underneath and teased the skin of my hole. A whimper
must have escaped me because Barli stopped.

“Bel? Are you all right?”
I could barely form a coherent thought, but managed to nod before

whimpering, “Yes, gods yes. Don’t stop…Ah!”

Crack!
He had started back up again. The last blow had been harder than

any of his previous ones and holy gods it felt good.

But he stopped once more, reaching past me for something else on

the bed. I got a waft of the scent of his sweat, and I shivered with
need. He nudged my feet apart a little, helping me to balance even
though I was still held up by the rope binding my body. Something
solid, cool, and insistent nudged at my ass. It was slippery and slid up
inside me gradually. My ass was stretched, bit by bit, as Barli pushed
it inside me. No, too big. It won’t fit. It’s going to split me open. Oh
fuck! The burn was intense as the widest part popped through the ring
of muscle. I clenched around the intrusion. The object was a little
heavy, but not too much, and it is so wide that it would stay right
where Barli put it. He left it there and moved away from me enough
so he could begin to lay fresh blows on my skin with the second item
he used.

The first new strike made me clench around the object in my ass

again, and it jolted against that spot inside me. I hissed and then

Shadow’s Dagger

189

moaned long and low. I hung more heavily from the ropes now. I got
lost in the sensations he pulled from my body, gasping and moaning,
writhing under blow after blow. My cock ached and dripped pre-cum
with every spasm that ran through my ass and the corresponding jolt
of the object inside me.

I realised I was begging, pleading with him to take me, for him to

be inside me, that I needed him, wanted him.

The blows stopped, and Barli reached a hand between my legs,

easing the object gently from my hole. He turned me to face him, but
left the blindfold in place.

“Hold on.”
Hold on to what? His voice was low and gravelly, and fuck if it

didn’t turn me on even more. He took hold of me right at the top of
my thighs, just under my ass. He lifted me in a smooth motion,
guiding my legs to wrap around him. My body swung backward on
the rope, and he positioned his cock against my stretched entrance,
thrusting deeply inside me.

My scream ripped at my throat, and my wrists hurt as I yanked on

the ropes binding me, trying to get enough leverage to push down
onto him harder, to take him deeper. Barli growled out a warning, and
his fingers dug into skin which still burned brightly from his
attentions. He held me still, preventing me from taking more from
him that he wanted to give me just yet. With a shudder, I managed to
rein myself in, but every muscle in my body trembled with the effort.
I could feel the slickness of my skin in the way the air caressed my
body. I craved my release.

I could do nothing about the clenching of my inner walls—

spasming around Barli’s rigid shaft and sending sparks of pleasure
into my balls—so I hung there, between the ropes and Barli’s hands,
impaled on his cock and gasping for air.

When he eventually began to move, it was not with the long, deep

thrusts I yearned for. Instead, his motions were small, controlled rolls
of his hips. His shaft rubbed gently against that place inside me. It

190

Violet Joicey-Cowen

was not enough to send me hurtling toward my release, but it built
slowly, driving me out of my mind.

The smell of sex and our combined sweat surrounded me, adding

to the sea of pure sensation I floated in. Every little thing around me
brought me closer and closer. The power in Barli’s hands. The pull on
my wrists and arms from the rope. The small grunts wrenched from
both of us with every flex of his hips and slide of his shaft inside me.

My whole body was hot and cold, shivery. My face and upper

body felt red hot, and I realised I was about to come without any
direct stimulation to my cock at all.

“Oh, fuck. Yes!” My pants and groans grew faster, and my head

swam. Then, with one more nudge against that spot inside me, and a
groaned out “come for me” from Barli, I was there.

My world, already dark from the blindfold, exploded. My head

fell back, body taut, as I screamed silently. Barli finally began to drive
into me with longer strokes, fucking me through my orgasm. He
propelled me higher with every plunge, spinning out my release until
I shook and shuddered uncontrollably. Hot, wet jets of Barli’s own
release filled me as mine splattered across my abdomen and up to my
chin. He let out an almost tortured cry, then pushed deep one last time
and held me still.

I did not know how long we stayed there. I floated, safe in his

care.

In the end though, Barli released my legs. He pulled out of me

gently and eased my feet to the floor. My legs would not take my
weight, being far too wobbly. So Barli held me to him with one arm
while reaching up to undo the knots. My arms fell limply, one across
his shoulder and one by my side, and my head rested on his other
shoulder. He helped me backward onto the bed, climbing with me.

He massaged my wrists and down my arms to my shoulders,

which were a little sore from being tied up like that, unbinding the
rope as he went. The rest of me had no bones anymore. I felt

Shadow’s Dagger

191

completely wrung out and could barely move. He finished massaging
me and pulled me close to lie on his chest. So comfortable.

“Are you okay?” he asked a while later. I was far too relaxed to

formulate a reply, so I groaned contentedly. “Bel?”

Was he seriously going to make me talk? Now? I didn’t think I

could get my tongue to work. I felt so damn good.

“M’great.” It was all I could manage.
“Okay, we will talk tomorrow. Goodnight, Bel.”
“G’nigh…love you,” I said back sleepily.
“I love you, too.” He pressed a soft kiss into my hair, and the bed

covers settled over our bodies when he pulled them up. I felt
treasured, and so free. I did not even notice as I fell asleep, that I still
wore the blindfold.

The next morning I woke a little stiff, the blindfold gone, but

deliciously sore in all the right places. I had woken that way before
after a night of loving from Barli, but this morning I felt more so. I
could quite happily have lain here all day I was so relaxed. But then
thoughts of the previous day’s events began to filter through my
brain. It was not what Barli had done to me, which made my nerves
flutter in my stomach—no, that hardened my cock when I thought
about it—but it is what Tharin almost did, the way Barli ran out after
him, and all he then told Reneiren.

I nearly laughed at the memory of something Tharin had said. He

had told me how he thought Barli could not be enough to satisfy me,
or words to that effect. If only he knew! No one else could do the
things to me that my husband could.

All of a sudden, nausea rose in my throat and I had to sit up,

swallowing rapidly to control the sensation. Oh, Nilan! What is
Reneiren going to do? I could not, absolutely could not, lose Barli.
Not now, not ever.

He stirred, beside me, rolling over and peering up at me through a

tangle of blond curls. I could see the moment my expression

192

Violet Joicey-Cowen

registered with him because his lips thinned and his brows furrowed.
He looked hurt, worried.

“Bel, I’m so sorry.”
What? Sorry? Oh, no! “No, no!” I leaned over him, reaching for

the hand lying on his chest. He gripped mine and held it to him with
wet, regretful eyes. “I was thinking about before, about Tharin, and
about what Reneiren might do. I don’t regret what happened between
me and you. I couldn’t. Gods, Barli, the way you make me feel.” The
worry cleared from his face, and I could breathe again. How could he
be so unsure of how much I needed him and what he could do to me?
“Barli, I swear to you. If there is ever anything I am not completely
happy with, with what we do, I will tell you. Please, I trust you so
much, trust me to be honest with you about that.”

Peace descended over him. Then he surged up from the bed,

burying a hand in my hair and pulling me to him for a kiss which
contained far too much passion if I expected to get up and get
anything done that day at all. And hair. It also contained a fair amount
of hair. He softened the kiss, brushing his hair out of our faces,
drawing away with little pecks and nibbles and licks of his tongue. I
grumbled, trying to follow his mouth, making him chuckle.

Of course, I still worried about Reneiren, but Barli had once again

managed to chase away the majority of my fear. I watched as he
rolled over and got up. He padded naked to the closet which held his
clothes and looked through it, deciding what to wear that day. I was
sitting up and resting my forearms on my knees, which were bent
under the covers. I liked watching him. He moved so gracefully, like a
cat, all loose limbs and lithe muscles. He had the confidence of one,
too. Not that everyone else got to see that. He so often put on an act
for whomever we were around. But this, when he felt free to be
himself, he seemed so totally at ease, so confident in himself that he
took my breath away. I could hardly believe he was mine.

Shadow’s Dagger

193

Barli stepped into some trousers and tugged them up. He turned to

me, trying to do up the tie at his waist while holding onto a shirt at the
same time, then paused.

“What?” he asked after glancing at me.
“What? What do you mean?”
“You’re looking at me weirdly. What is it?”
“You’re mine.” I grinned at him. Then I giggled at another

thought. “Tharin was so sure you could not possibly be enough to
satisfy me. I don’t think he would say that if he could have seen us
last night.” He smirked in reply and swaggered over. He tossed the
shirt on the end of the bed, jumped on top of the covers, and crawled
toward me. I found myself pressed down onto my back as he hovered
over me with his hair trailing down and creating a pale curtain around
us. Then he was kissing me again. It did not last nearly long enough,
and he left me stuck between gasping for air and pouting that it had
stopped. I wanted more. I half glared at him as he pulled the shirt on
over his head and did up the buttons at the neck. Oh well, I suppose I
better get dressed, too.

That night, Barli went out in his patchwork leathers. He had to go

see Da as he had said he would, and also find Zana so they would
both be around when we went to see Reneiren the following night. He
had only been gone for about half an hour when an owl hoot sounded
outside the bathing chamber shutters. I felt a momentary wisp of fear
before recognising the hoot from Zana’s other visits.

Sure enough, when I went to the shutters and attempted a hoot in

reply, all I heard from the other side was a giggle.

“Belden? Is that you?”
I sighed and unlatched the shutters. She was Sadia at the moment,

and grinned at me through a cloud of loose, breeze-ruffled dark hair.
“Was that supposed to be an owl?”

“Sadly, yes. How do you do it?”
“You going to let me in?”
“Oh, sorry.” I stood back and allowed her to slip into the room.

194

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Where is Barli?”
“Out seeing Da, and finding you.”
“Oh. Um…Is it all right if I wait for him?” She had not previously

struck me as the type to ever be so unsure of herself. I couldn’t help
wondering if there was something wrong.

“Of course! Come through and sit down.”
I led the way to the other room and walked to the table. Briefly

contemplating her reaction if I attempted to assist her to a seat, I
decided she would probably hit me and thought it better not to try. I
went to the other side and sat down.

A smirk flashed across her face. Damn, I’ve been caught out. She

knew exactly what I had been thinking.

“Smart man.”
“Can you read minds?”
That made her laugh. “No. Just people. The only thing I can do is

make the charms I can change my appearance with, and they only
work on me.”

“Are you…?”
“A twist? Yes.”
“Wow. The only one I have met, that I know of, is a woman who

works in the kitchens at the palace. She can charm dishes to stay the
same temperature for hours.”

“You have probably met others. There are more of us than you

would think, but not many have abilities we can use to defend
ourselves with should we need to. There was a twist in Persandin with
an extraordinary ability to heal. Most thought she was simply a very
good herbalist, but with Papa being Osuri, we knew.” A distant look
entered her eyes. My turn to know what was on her mind.

“Barli told me,” I said softly. “About what happened.” She

focused back on me, returning from the past. She shivered then
flicked her head, shaking the feeling off and her hair back.

“Mama was never the same afterward. I often wonder if she

should have gone with Papa and the babe, but then I do not know

Shadow’s Dagger

195

what would have become of Barli and I. But enough of that. You
wanted to know how to hoot like an owl.”

Barli returned about two hours later. He looked utterly fed up

when I let him in.

“What’s wrong?”
“Spoke to Da, but I can’t find Zan.” He sat down on the

windowsill with his legs hanging into the room. He reached for one of
my hands and pulled me to stand between his legs. “Everything all
right here? I am sorry I was gone for so long.” I liked feeling the
warmth and solid muscles of his chest through the leather of his vest,
and my fingers played with the laces. He rubbed my shoulders
consolingly, to emphasise his words.

“I managed to find things to do, paperwork, a little reading. Oh,

and I figured out how to do that owl hoot!” I cupped my hands
together and closed my lips over part of the gap left between my
thumbs, blowing down into the hollow created by my hands. A very
realistic owl hoot sounded, followed a moment later by another from
the sleeping chamber.

Barli stiffened, looking around in tired bewilderment. My lips

twitched and I could not hold my laughter in. I tried to stop laughing,
but the look on his face set me off again and I giggled and snorted
until my sides hurt. I enjoyed getting one over on him for a change.

Except for where my emotions were concerned before we

confessed how we really felt about each other, he has always seemed
to know more about everything that was going on than I did. Barli
looked more confused than ever, until Zana also began giggling in the
next room, and peeked around the doorframe at him.

As soon as he spotted her, he relaxed, miming throwing

something at her. She pretended to catch it and throw it back. My
laughter fading, I grinned at their antics, loving the playful
relationship they shared. It was her idea to have some fun and play the
simple prank on him.

Shadow’s Dagger

197

Chapter Twenty

Barli

I dressed in my leathers to go and see Reneiren. They were

comfortable and would be easy to move across the rooftops and up
and down the buildings in. Bel was not so used to that type of
clothing, so I suggested some dark-coloured, lightweight but not too
loose, kashees. He put them on without a murmur or questioning why.
I felt warmth fill my chest at how he followed my words without
questioning them. Or maybe it was the sight of his slender flanks
disappearing into the dark-green trousers as he pulled them up which
heated my blood.

He was so slender still, though now a decent layer of flesh

covered his slim frame and he glowed with good health. In the weeks
we had been in Rativa, Belden had truly come alive. I felt so proud of
him and the new air of confidence surrounding him. He stood taller,
with a straighter back and shoulders. He no longer looked as though
he waited for his world to crumble around him. Joy and pride in him
filled me every time I looked at him.

We made a big show earlier, on our way up to our room, touching,

not so sly looks at each other, giggly whispers, and anything we could
think of to make it obvious to our guards that we were going for some
private time and would not wish to be disturbed. Hopefully it would
give us plenty of time to get to Reneiren and back again without them
getting suspicious about why we went upstairs so early.

“Are you ready to go?”

198

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Bel looked up at my question. He took a chest-heaving, slightly

shaky breath before nodding. “Yes.”

“Are you sure?”
He smiled and closed the few steps between us. His head tilted

slightly, and he peered up at me with a soft look on his face. “I trust
you. If you think I can do this, then I believe you. Besides, I know
you will look after me. Let’s go.” He flashed a quick grin and
bounced up on his toes to press a chaste, close-mouthed kiss against
my lips.

“Okay. Tie your hair up before we go so that it won’t get in the

way.”

He plaited it quickly, knotting a leather thong around the end and

flipping it back over his shoulder. Then I led the way to the bathroom
shutters.

It seemed our bedroom activities over the past weeks had had the

unexpected side effect of limbering Bel up and increasing his stamina.
He would need rather a lot of practice to become as graceful at
scrambling up and down buildings as Da, Zana, or I, but he did not
find it nearly as difficult as he thought he would.

Little giggles of delight kept escaping him as he successfully

completed another ascent or descent after following my directions on
where to put his feet and which handholds to take. It was absolutely
adorable. His face, when I could see it in the patches of light mingling
with the shadows, beamed with pride. I thought a similar expression
must have been on my own face, only my pride was also in him.

They thought they were being subtle, but I was perfectly well

aware that we were being followed as we made our way across the
city. It was a good job for them that I knew exactly who was on our
trail. My grandfather and my sister.

Bel and I clambered down the last building before the one we

aimed for, and waited in the shadows. Moments later, with her usual
catlike agility, Zana—as Sadia—landed beside us, making Bel flinch.
A heartbeat later, Da landed on our other side.

Shadow’s Dagger

199

“Thought you were going to meet us here,” I murmured quietly.

“Not follow us all the way from the Shazi…”

Sadia had the grace to blush. Da smirked at me, and Bel looked

confused.

“Sorry, we wanted you to have backup if anything happened. Just,

with having Bel with you—”

I interrupted her awkward apology-explanation with a dismissive

wave of my hand to let her know not to worry about it, and then I
gave her shoulder a squeeze. Yes, I am perfectly capable of looking
after my husband on my own. But at the same time, I couldn’t be
annoyed with my family for wanting to help protect him.

I was surprised I had managed to get to her like that, but then I

suspected she was more shaken than she would be willing to admit
about the upcoming meeting with Reneiren. It was nice to know there
was someone out there who could reach past the rather thick walls my
sister had around her heart. I know she cares deeply for our mother,
Da, myself, and was beginning to care for Bel, but I want her to have
what I have found with Bel—someone to share her life with. I want
her to have someone to love, and who will love her. I hoped Reneiren
was the man to do it, and that he could cope with the secrets she hid
behind.

“Hey, Zan. You represent Rativa in the talks. It’s been annoying

me for ages, where does all this come from?” I gestured at the dark
stone making up the buildings around us.

“I don’t know. They don’t tell me everything.”
There was a look on Da’s face. He knew something. “Da?”
“Not my secret to tell. It affects a lot of people.” Yeah, that wasn’t

annoying. Who would we tell? I grumbled and nodded to indicate
general acceptance, though I still wanted to know.

Sadia went first, up the narrow space where two walls almost met,

leaving an easily climbable gap. There were plenty of hand and
footholds, and I did not even have to tell Bel which bits reach for. He
climbed up a lot faster than he would have done at the start of our

200

Violet Joicey-Cowen

little cross-city jaunt, and then he crouched on the roof, just past the
edge, to wait for me.

Once we were all ready, I guided everyone across the roof to the

spot where we had to climb down a little way so we could then go up
again to reach Reneiren’s window. Da sneaked ahead a little to check
things out and came back to announce things appeared to be safe.

He told us that Reneiren sat reading some papers at the far side of

the room, with his chair facing the open shutters. Hmmm…Smart man.
He had left the shutters open as asked, but didn’t want to be caught
unawares. He probably gave his guards some excuse to be on alert,
too, but not so much they would insist on being in the same room as
him. But I bet they would be in there in a matter of moments if
Reneiren were to shout.

Bel gave me a grin when I looked at him, and his eyes sparkled

with excitement. He looked so alive. My breath caught. Bel had been
cosseted and sheltered all his life. Not that that it was a bad thing,
because it had kept him safe, but he was clearly thriving on this small
adventure. I wanted to keep him excited and happy like that, forever.

In case there had been some kind of trap set, I thought it would be

best if I were the first through Reneiren’s window so I could check
things out and minimise the danger to Bel. While I was climbing up to
the window, my mind was so focused on keeping him safe and
analysing the dangers that I almost fumbled the handhold I reached
for on the windowsill. I swore at myself for a moment then swung up
to sit on the ledge, straddling it. Reneiren caught the movement and
looked up from the papers in his hands. I returned the brief nod he
gave me.

After looking around the room and listening intently, I waved at

the others waiting below to come on up. Bel must have been watching
carefully as I climbed, because he was the next up, and fairly quickly,
too. I held my hand out to him, and he took it to help himself over the
sill. I stood up to join him.

Shadow’s Dagger

201

Reneiren’s eyes widened when Bel climbed into view. I don’t

think he could quite bring himself to believe that I would manage to
get Bel to clamber around all over the rooftops of Rativa. Maybe I
had not said in so many words on our last meeting that Bel had been
one of the people I intended to bring to talk to him, but I had
suspected he had known I meant Bel to be one of them. Or maybe he
was not sure about whether I was in earnest about this not being some
kind of trap for him and Bel knew nothing about it. Or if I was not
truly Bel’s husband, but still the assassin I had admitted to formerly
being. Whatever the reason, he covered his surprise quickly enough.
Bel smiled widely at him. Reneiren returned his look with a rather
graver smile, which froze when Sadia appeared behind Bel.

“Keep going.” Sadia sounded rather exasperated. She could not

climb over the sill and into the room until Bel moved out of the way.

“Oh, sorry.” Bel moved. Sadia swung herself in, followed a few

moments later by Da.

We all stood around, unsure of who should make the next move. It

felt a little ridiculous after a while. Reneiren stared at Sadia, who
looked everywhere but back at him. Da also stared at Sadia, but more
in bewilderment at her behaviour. Bel kept looking from Reneiren to
Sadia with that grin still on his face.

“Oh, this is stupid,” Sadia burst out, sounding much more Zana-

like than Reneiren would be used to. “Right. You need to know some
things that are going on. May we sit?”

The table in the room is bigger than the one in ours back at the

Shazi, and a good thing, too, because that one would have been rather
crowded with five of us sitting around it.

Reneiren went to one end of the table and pulled out a chair,

holding it for Sadia. He appeared ever so slightly affronted when Bel
completely failed to disguise his laugh with a quick cough.

“What?”
“Sadia?” I said. When she glanced at me, I pointedly tapped the

spot just below the hollow of my throat with two fingers, right where

202

Violet Joicey-Cowen

her charm would be resting underneath her top. She looked back to
Reneiren and swallowed nervously, but her hands went to the back of
her neck.

I watched Reneiren intently, able to see from the corner of my

eye, as Sadia merged back into Zana. She had told be before that it
was not an illusion, like a woman painting herself with makeup to
change her appearance, it was a true change in her body. Though she
has long gotten used to the peculiar sensation of her body changing,
when she put on or took off one of her charms, she had to adapt her
fighting skills and defence styles when she was in her different
incarnations, as their differing shapes feel and move in distinct ways.
I could not really understand it.

Reneiren’s jaw sagged open as Sadia’s hair faded and curled up,

her features shifting, and her skin paling. It was almost amusing to
watch more colour leeching from Reneiren’s cheeks than left Sadia’s.
Fairly quickly, Zana stood before him. My gaze flicked to her briefly,
and yet she still looked anywhere but at him. He still stood there with
his mouth hanging inelegantly open. He shook himself and closed his
mouth with an audible snap. With an unsteady hand, he reached for a
goblet and took a long draught of whatever it contained, watching her
from the eye which stayed visible as he upended the goblet and
emptied it. The goblet was placed back on the table with extreme
care.

“So. Sadia was never real, was she?”
His…bereft expression annoyed me. My silly sister did not know

what to say to him. I was about to step in and answer for her, but Bel
got there first.

“Are you really a prince? Or are you just Reneiren? Or just

Tharin’s brother?”

“Of course I’m really a prince. I am all of those.” He sounded

indignant, not sure where Bel was coming from.

Shadow’s Dagger

203

“And she is really Sadia. Only her name is actually Zana. She is

Zana, and Sadia, and Barli’s sister, and many more things. Sadia is
simply part of who she is, not all of it.”

Reneiren appeared chastened. He muttered an embarrassed

apology in Zana’s direction. He had not thought of it that way, and I
think Bel put his point across rather well. Zan murmured something I
could not quite make out in reply. Reneiren must have caught it
though, because while he still looked embarrassed, he straightened
and tried to smile at her again. I gave Bel’s hand a squeeze, thanking
him wordlessly.

“All right then, now that that is out of the way, let’s sit down,” I

said.

Zana did not take the chair which Reneiren still held out, but sat at

the other side of the table. Bel went to the one Reneiren pulled out,
thanking him as he sat, to prevent further embarrassment for the other
prince who then took the seat at the other end. Da and I sat opposite
Zana.

“Da, this is Prince Reneiren of Birindaw. Reneiren, this is Da.

You already know Prince Belden, myself, and you more-or-less know
my twin sister, Zana.” Everyone nodded at each other.

“I see what you meant now, before. About appearances being

deceptive. It is rather more obvious now that you are twins,” Reneiren
said in a slightly dry tone.

“Ha! Yes, isn’t it? Who wants to start then?” While I was used to

mixing with a variety of people, and slotting myself into any crowd, I
was far more comfortable staying in the background where I could
observe everything going on around me.

“I suppose I will,” Da began. “I have kept who I am a secret for a

long time. It has been necessary, and still is, but you need to know so
you can truly understand everything that is going on. My name is Da,
yes, but my full name is Dax’purri. Da also used to be short for
something else, but it no longer matters what and it is so long ago
now.”

204

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Dax?” Reneiren looked startled. “But—”
“Yes. Shortly before the end of her life, Nilan bonded with me. It

was not the usual bond. I did not become a mage, and her death
obviously did not take me with her. She performed a rite which
allowed me to carry her memories in my blood. She gave them into
my safekeeping for the day the eggs hatch.”

Da went on to tell Reneiren all about what really happened

between Nilan and Kinom, who Fingara’dax was, who she was now,
and how her being Starborne before also becoming Dragonborne had
enabled her to live past Kinom’s death. When he had finished, I gave
my story, about the woman who hired me, and what she had wanted
me to do. Bel finished off with what had happened to his brother,
Korin’s kidnapping, the convoluted rationale behind it, and the
woman responsible for turning Korin’s kidnapper into what he had
become.

“And you think that this woman, this Fingara’dax, is the one

behind all of it?” Renerien inquired, looking thoughtful.

“Yes. We are sure of it.”
“Why tell me all of this?”
“Your father is king of Birindaw and you are next in line. As the

prospective ruler, and your father’s son, we thought that you should
be aware of Fingara’dax’s continued existence and what she is up to.
Her reasoning behind her vendetta against Nilan’dane is flawed, but
she was born in Birindaw, and she lived there with Kinom. We had
nothing to do with the death of Kinom. Because of his bond with her,
he brought about his own demise, but was already infected with the
blood-plague. Yet she has nursed her hatred for us and plotted against
us for years beyond count. She has amassed an army of an unknown
size, and if she managed to bring down Nilan’dane then who knows
where she would set her sights next? She is long lost to rationality,
maybe she would return to Birindaw as her birthplace thinking she
should rule? And there is also the fact that if she realises we are on to
her, she may begin an all-out war on us, which could spill over onto

Shadow’s Dagger

205

you. We would not want you to think that we were making war on
your country, so we needed to talk to you about it. Your father’s
proposal to discuss the Rativa situation came at a very good time for
us to broach both subjects and for my husband to track Da down, as
he knows the most about this woman, out of everyone living. As a
Dax himself, there is a mage in Nilan’tori who needs to talk to him.”

After Bel finished his explanation, Reneiren stayed silent for a

while. With all we had told him, my relationship to Da had been left
undisclosed. It was not something he needed to know, and with the
need to keep Bel and Linden safe, it was better that he did not.

I wanted to get back to Linden all of a sudden. I wanted to know

how he fared and how he had grown and changed. My son. The
knowledge that I had one with Bel, another man, still startled me. I
was sure he must have changed a lot in the months we had been gone,
and I wanted to feel his small weight in my arms, and smell his hair.
Thinking about my son led me to wonder how everyone else was,
back at the palace. Had Korin fully recovered from his ordeal yet?
How were Glare, his large husband, and their twins? Most of my life
has been spent with as few emotional entanglements as possible, but
now there were so many people I cared about.

Falling in love with Bel has changed me, and I believe it has been

for the better. It felt like a startling revelation. I glanced over at him,
my sweet, quiet, beautiful Bel. He has been the biggest revelation of
all. Who would have thought such a wild lover would be hidden
underneath his unassuming exterior? He took everything I could do to
him and begged for more. Reneiren interrupted my silent musings.

“You are right. This woman would never be satisfied that her

revenge was complete, no matter what she accomplished. I am
grateful for all you have told me and I know my father will be also. I
will inform him about all of this upon my return.”

We said our good-byes, and then Bel and I went off in one

direction, while Da left in another. Or so he wanted me to think. He

206

Violet Joicey-Cowen

followed us back to the Shazi, making sure I got Bel back there safely
again no doubt.

I was so proud of Bel. He had come so far from the underweight,

frightened young man I had first met. The trip across the city
rooftops, under cover of night, was not something that young man
would have been able to do. But my Bel, the man he was now, had
revelled in it. The sight of him all fired up and delighted with
everything, turned my blood to fire and had me thinking about
something which had never crossed my mind before. Climbing up and
down buildings with a rock-hard erection trying to break its way out
of my leathers was not easy.

By the time we got back to our rooms, the thought had burned its

way in letters of fire into my brain.

I wanted to give my body to Bel.
Of course, I knew I still could not give up all control, but I had an

idea for that, too.

We said good-bye to Da and Zana, now Sadia again, before

making our way up and into the Shazi. We would see them again for
our return journey to the palace.

I eased open the shutters to our rooms and swung myself through.

The hair I had left, in the latch, was still in place, but I checked the
room over before telling Bel it was safe. As I turned to face the room
after latching and locking the shutters, an excited Bel threw himself at
me. His arms went around my neck, and his hair wrapped around both
of us in a dark cloud as he pressed kisses all over my face. I think I
got more of his hair in my mouth than I did his lips or tongue.

Laughing, I pushed him away just far enough to clear my face of

his hair. I brushed it back from his forehead and gathered it at his
nape. He grinned up at me, sparkling with happiness.

“You look happy, sweet one.”
“Oh, Barli. I feel so alive. Thank you.”
“Why are you thanking me?” I was curious.

Shadow’s Dagger

207

“You make me feel so safe, but like I can do anything at the same

time. I feel free.”

“You should always feel that way. You have freed me, too, you

know. You freed my heart.”

He squirmed against me and I noticed he was hard, too. “I want

you.” His arms dropped from around my neck, and he fisted the
leather laces on my vest, backing away toward the sleeping chamber.
I laughed again, walking with him. Gods, but I loved how we were
with each other and how he was opening up around me more every
day. He was a prince, but he loved it when I took control. He was soft,
sweet, and had such a gentle heart, but his body burned for what I
could make it feel with my own, or what I could do to it with rope and
a flogger. I was probably the most dangerous person he could ever
meet, but he loved me. I was an assassin, but I loved him.

“Make me fly, Barli.” Bel stopped when he reached the bed. He

slowly stripped off his clothes, while I stood watching, unable to
move. He was so beautiful. Long, slender limbs, olive skin, and a
sleek, toned body. Dark eyes and masses of waist-length dark hair.
Lips and nipples both in a dusky brown-pink colour which I craved
the taste of. The small, thin scar across his lower belly where he had
given birth to our son just made him all the more perfect in my eyes.
Then he undid the tie at his waist and pushed his trousers to the floor,
and my mouth watered. I had to taste him.

I sank to my knees, and his hard cock bobbed in front of my eyes.

Like him, it was slender, but perfectly shaped, mostly smooth with a
couple of veins snaking across its surface. It was slightly darker in
tone than the rest of him, and the top third flushed with more colour
toward the head. The slit at the tip glistened with the beginnings of
pre-cum.

Leaning in, I inhaled his scent, musky, sweet, and all Belden. I

mouthed his balls and the base of his shaft, drawing a choked sound
from him.

“Don’t tease. Need you, Barli,” he whined.

208

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Oh, I was going to enjoy this. My tongue traced a wet, shiny path

from beneath his balls, separating them and prodding at the base of
his cock, and then up the underside of his shaft all the way to the
head. His unique flavour burst on my tongue when the head slipped
into my open mouth.

“Ba…oohhh…” He fell backward, resting against the bed.
I looked up and saw he leaned there on arms stretched back,

propping himself up so that he could watch what I did to him. Long
strands of hair snaked across his torso. I followed the line of one of
them, to where it pointed down toward his scar. Reaching out, I traced
the silvery line which still held a trace of pink. I was glad he had
healed quickly, thanks to the spell. Then I looked back up.

The love and need in his dark eyes held me spellbound for a

moment. No one had ever looked at me the way he did before. I
suckled gently then increased the suction and began to move my head
faster. The groan which slipped from him reached deep inside me, and
my hole clenched, aching to be filled for the first time.

A tremble of nerves, or anticipation, ran through me. Bel must

have felt it, because a note of puzzlement entered his expression. I
was not sure I could have explained it to him, so I did not try. I
concentrated harder on what I was doing, working his shaft with my
mouth and began undoing the laces of my vest at the same time.

When the laces were hanging loose, I allowed Bel’s shaft to slip

from my mouth with a wet pop, and stood up.

“Get on the bed.”
He did as I told him and lay on his back so he could watch while I

pulled off my vest, and then the rest of my clothes. His legs were
slightly spread, bent at the knee, and I knew what he expected, but I
had other plans this time.

Never one to completely let go of all control, I got the ropes and

tied one of his wrists to each bedpost, leaving enough slack for him to
move a little, rather than too tightly. I left his ankles free. I would
need him to be able to move this time…

Shadow’s Dagger

209

Bel watched me in a hungry kind of silence, waiting to see what I

would do next.

I started on the arches of his feet, worshiping every inch of skin

on his body I could get at with my fingertips, lips, and tongue,
moving upward. Bel mewled and writhed underneath me. Fuck, but I
loved it when he did that.

When I got to his chest, after torturing his nipples for several

minutes, I rose up onto my knees and shuffled forward.

“Yes!” He gasped before I pushed the head of my shaft between

his lips. His lips stretched lewdly around me and I watched, flexing
my hips gently, as the skin on my cock grew slick, wet with his saliva,
sliding in and out of his mouth. Beautiful. Need him so much.

While he got lost in the taste and feel of my cock in his mouth, I

grabbed the vial of oil I had tossed onto the covers when tying him to
the bed and opened it with shaking hands. Little slurps and groans
escaped him. I adored how focused he became when we made love,
letting go of everything but me and the feelings in his body. I reached
behind myself, trying not to lose the rhythm I had begun with my
hips. I had played with myself before, so the feel of my fingers at my
own entrance was not new, but the intent behind it was.

The oil increased the sensitivity of my already delicate skin, and I

slid one finger carefully inside. I stretched myself, with Bel oblivious
to what I was up to. I had three fingers inside before I thought I was
ready to take him.

“Close your eyes,” I told him, not sure I could do this without

coming straight away if his eyes were on me.

He gave a needy little groan as I removed my cock from his

mouth and knee-walked back down the bed, but closed them
obediently. He tried to move his legs apart for me to climb between
them, but I stilled him with a hand on his hip. His brow crinkled,
though his eyes stayed firmly shut until I grasped his cock and
positioned it where I wanted.

210

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Those beautiful dark eyes flew open, staring at me as I sank down,

taking him deep. It only burned the tiniest bit, and it was worth every
inch of him inside me.

“Bel.”
He could hardly breathe, panting in short, irregular puffs of air

across his still wet lips.

I couldn’t think. The stretch of my inner walls was perfect, but

knowing that it was him, that it was Bel inside me, was what drove
me over the edge.

I rolled my hips, raising and lowering them at the same time. Oh

fuck. On about the fifth or sixth slide of his cock in my channel, the
head brushed against something inside me which nearly made the top
of my head blow off. Again. I plunged down onto him harder,
moaning as the same spot inside me was struck.

“Move with me.” My eyes met his, and I couldn’t look away. Nor

could he. We stared at each other. I lost myself in his eyes as he
started to thrust upward into me. It felt so good, but I knew that it was
because it was him. Only him. Only Bel would I have ever allowed
this much freedom with my body.

I do not know how long the full, aching, amazing push and pull

inside me went on for. The shivering and burning all over my damp
skin, or how long our gazes were locked. They lasted forever,
scorching away the last remaining walls I had built up between myself
and the world.

Bel was mewling with each thrust, so close to coming, and I was

not far behind him. I bent down and whispered, “Come for me,”
before kissing him. I wrapped my arms around him, curling one hand
around the side of his face, and the other above his head.

The feel of his body, arching and tensing under me, while he shot

hot spurts of cum against my inner walls, was too much. I mashed our
mouths together, kissing him hard. And gave him everything, letting
go.

Oh. My. Gods.

Shadow’s Dagger

211

As my whole world detonated, I felt something strange unlock in

my mind. Or maybe it was my soul. I didn’t know.

“Untie me,” he whispered sometime later. I still straddled him,

and didn’t think I was capable of moving off all the way. When I
reached for one of his wrists, his now soft cock left my body. I undid
his wrist, and then he helped with the other. As soon as he was free,
he pushed himself up to sit and wrap his arms around me, burying his
face in my chest. “Thank you for giving yourself to me. I love you,
Barli.”

My arms shook as I cradled him close, kissing the top of his head

in answer, unable to speak for the powerful emotions storming
through me. My eyes burned, but it was with happy tears.

He helped me to move, seeming to understand what I needed

without me having to say a word. We moved underneath the covers,
and I lay down beside him, pulling him half on top of my chest and
settling his head into the crook of my shoulder. Tonight, I did not
bother cleaning up. I just needed to stay close to him.

212

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Epilogue

Barli

I ran with my younger self through the streets, knowing better

routes to the healer’s cottage than I had when I was that age. I guided
the young Barlin down alleyways and helped boost him over walls he
would not have been able to climb alone. Hurry, hurry. As we neared,
I left him, running ahead.

The door stood, dark in the nighttime shadows. I banged on it

hard.

“Get up! Get up! You’re needed at once!”
There was a noise from inside, someone shuffling around and

stumbling in the dark.

Little Barlin arrived at the same time as the door opened a few

moments later.

“Who needs me?” The woman was younger than I would have

thought. I had expected some old hag, but she was close to my
mother’s age, with mid brown hair tied in a braid, and a neat figure.

“Osuri’s house. Quickly,” Barlin gasped, breathless from

running.

The woman’s eyes widened in horror as she took in the blood-

spattered child and myself. They looked at me with a strange kind of
recognition which I wanted to question, but we didn’t have time. She
grabbed a bag which must have rested just inside her front door, shut
the door behind her, and we were off again.

Shadow’s Dagger

213

Barlin tripped halfway back, so I picked him up and carried him,

wrapping his little arms around my neck so he could hold on. Need to
go faster. Desperation clawed at me.

Back at my parents’ house, I ran straight to Zana’s room and let

Barlin slide to the floor beside his weeping sister. The Healer pushed
me aside and fell to her knees to examine my mother’s swollen,
bloody stomach. She ignored the body of the man I had killed, but I
glanced at him and got a good look at his face. In death, he was not
such a monster as I had remembered him to be from my eight-year-
old vantage point. Zana had once told me that the men who had been
in the room when she had been dragged from beneath the bed had
both looked remarkably alike. I memorised his face.

With her hands still on my mother, the woman looked directly at

me. “Get the red pouch from my bag. Take it to the kitchen and put it
in a good sized bowl. Boil water and pour two cups over the pouch,
then bring it to me, along with the same amount of cold water.
Quickly. Go.” She focused back on my mother.

I dug through the bag, finding a bright red pouch, and stood back

up. Barlin and Zana clung to each other, watching the woman. Barlin
seemed to have forgotten my presence. Hurrying to the kitchens, I
found a maid and the cook.

“Boil water, and fast! The healer needs it.” Both women were

crying, but jumped to work, not questioning my order or who I might
be.

There was always water warming in a tank attached to the ovens,

so it was quick work to draw some off and boil it.

I ran back carrying the bowl and its contents carefully. The maid

ran with me, with the cold water.

When I got to Zana’s room, the healer looked pale and exhausted.

Whatever she was doing to help my mother was taking a lot out of
her.

214

Violet Joicey-Cowen

My mother flinched, coming to. A low, stretched-out sob of

despair filled the air, and she tried to turn onto her side and wrap her
arms back around her belly, as I know they had been earlier.

“Shhh, I am trying to help. Lie still,” the healer told her. “Pour

the cold water into the other bowl. Reach in and open the pouch.
Squeeze as much of the contents out into the water as you can and mix
it thoroughly, and then bring it here.” She didn’t need to look at me
for me to know it was me she spoke to then.

The contents of the red pouch felt slimy between my fingers and

thickened the water to a runny porridge consistency. It smelled…odd.
I took it over to her.

She jerked her head, indicating that I should bring it closer, until

she was able to drink from the bowl. She took a few mouthfuls, and
colour started to come back into her cheeks.

Looking right at me, she said, “You can go now. You can do

nothing more here. Go back where you belong. He will be enough
help now.” She nodded at the younger me. I didn’t understand, but I
put the bowl down to one side and everything began to…fade and
change…around me.

Mama, lying teary eyed in her bed, held a small bundle to her

chest. “Barli, Zana, come and meet Zura.

A baby, crying, and a warm weight in my arms, then the crying

stopped.

“Leave her alone!” said eleven-year-old me, stalking toward the

raider standing beside a blonde, sleeping toddler’s bed with death in
my eyes.

Fourteen-year-old me, visiting my mother’s house between jobs,

watching Zana play with a little blonde girl.

Mama, sobbing in father’s study, and looking at a painting of him.

The same blonde girl, older now, creeping up behind me and pulling
me away, whispering at me. “Tell me about Papa, Barli.”

The healer, hunched over a desk, writing a letter. Then knocking

on my mother’s door. Knocking. Knocking.

Shadow’s Dagger

215

I woke, covered in sweat. The noise was real, and Bel’s hand was

on my shoulder.

“Oh, thank the ancestors. I couldn’t wake you up. Someone is

here.” He sounded scared.

I breathed in and out a couple of times, trying to centre myself in

the here and now. My dream had felt startlingly real and still filled my
mind.

I flipped the covers back, motioning to Bel to stay where he was,

and held one finger to my lips to ask him for silence. The knocking
came from the shutters in the bathing chamber.

Approaching the shutters from the side, I gave a low whistle.
“Barli, let me in!” Zana called from the other side, sounding

strange. I unlocked and eased the shutters open, and was startled to
see Zana’s face, not Sadia. “Barli, what did you do?” she demanded.

* * * *

Belden

A huge rush of relief flooded me when I finally managed to wake

Barli. He had been lying so still and unresponsive since I woke up to
the sound of someone outside our bathing chamber window, and it
scared me. It was not like him to sleep through anything. His
breathing had been fast, and his skin was coated with a slick sweat,
but he wouldn’t wake. When he did, it was with a jolt, and it looked
as if he was not quite there for a few moments. Then he got out of bed
and disappeared into the next room.

I heard the faint sound of voices, and then he returned, with Zana

in tow, with a towel around his waist. Oh that’s right, we went to
sleep after…wow.

“I can’t get it out of my head, Barli. It’s like she has burrowed

into my brain and I can’t get her out.”

216

Violet Joicey-Cowen

“Who?” I ventured, pulling the covers up to my neck where I sat

in the bed.

“Zura.”
My husband gaped at his sister.
“Who is Zura?” I was puzzled. I had not heard either of them

mention the name before.

“That’s just it. I don’t know! And I do! Ugh. I can’t explain.” Her

eyes were wild.

Barli still stood with his jaw open, staring at his sister in

astonishment.

“Okay, um…Zana, would you turn your back for a minute,

please?” As soon as she did, I climbed from the bed and gathered both
mine and Barli’s robes, handing his over. Once we were both covered,
I went to sit at the table. The other two followed. Barli had managed
to close his mouth, but he was still staring. “Barli? Who is Zura?” My
hand on his arm seemed to shake him out of whatever spell was on
him and he glanced at me, dazed.

“I…Just now I was dreaming…I think. Mama…”
“Had the baby,” Zana finished for him. What was going on? “I

can remember her. But…she died. She never even lived. How is it
possible? How can I remember her?”

“I remember her, too. It’s like she died, and she lived. I don’t

know, Zan.”

“You were there. That night. When Mama got stabbed, when the

healer came. How?”

I watched and listened to both of them, trying to figure out what

they were talking about.

“Of course I was there, I went to get the healer, remember?”
Zana looked frustrated. “No, that’s not what I mean. I mean you

were there. The you from now. Grown up. Why can I remember you
being there? It’s why I asked you a minute ago what you had done.”

“My dream. I was back there. But things were different.” Barli

frowned, remembering. “I was helping the young me get to the healer

Shadow’s Dagger

217

quicker, and then I did some things she asked of me when we got
back to Mama. Then she looked at me…and…” He stopped again,
staring down at his hand in disbelief. A creamy, porridge-like
substance clung to a few of his fingers. What is that? Where did it
come from?

“And what?” Zana pressed.
“She told me to go back where I belonged, that I had done

enough. Then it was like all these memories of Zura just appeared in
my head. Mama was different in the new memories, too. She was still
sad about Papa, but it was as though Zura gave her a reason to go on.”

I could hear the faint sounds of the sea in the distance, and a

horse-drawn vehicle passing in the street. Barli and Zana gazed at
each other in silence. Honestly, I felt rather uncomfortable with Zana
being there. I could still smell Barli’s sweat on my body, and his dried
cum itched on my stomach and on my balls. I badly wanted to go and
wash, but this moment was theirs. A thought occurred to me. I must
have made a noise, because they both looked my way.

“Zana, you’re a twist, right?” She nodded. “You change your

appearance. What if, Barli…you could change something else?” And
he was back to his open mouthed stare again. Except this time it was
at me. Great. “Uh…Barli?”

He blinked at me then seemed to give himself a mental shake,

bringing back the Barli I had come to know. “I don’t think we will get
any answers to this while we are here. Zan, go home, or wherever it is
you are staying here in Rativa. We will see Sadia in a few days for the
journey back to Nilan’tori.”

After some persuasion she agreed that talking it over endlessly in

the middle of the night would get nothing done. They hugged, and
then Zana left. Her visit had been brief, but along with his dream, they
had shaken my husband deeply.

We bathed, cleaning ourselves of the physical remnants of our

earlier lovemaking. Barli was unsettled, though, and could not sleep
after we went back to bed. I could feel the tension his body as he

218

Violet Joicey-Cowen

curled it around my own. I turned in his arms and traced his lips with
my fingertips. He needed me.

I pulled his head toward mine and feathered my lips across each

closed eyelid. They opened again, and he looked at me. I couldn’t tell
what he was thinking, but he leaned in and kissed me sweetly.

We lost ourselves in each other, not stopping until we were

sweaty, exhausted, and trembling from blissful exertion. Then we
slept.

The next few days were mostly taken up with the arrangements

for our return journey. There were supplies to be bought, packing to
be done, and many other things. Two of the horses had gone lame,
and we decided to purchase additional ones. “Sadia” would be
returning with us as an emissary from Rativa to Nilan’dane. Once she
had concluded business with us, she would journey to Birindaw to see
their king, and then back to Rativa, carrying their copy of the treaty.

I was anxious to get back. I had enjoyed my time away from

Nilan’tori and the palace, but I wanted to see my brothers and my
home, and most of all I wanted to see my son. I longed to hold him in
my arms and smell his hair. I also wanted to have a few words with
my younger brother about whatever he kept from the rest of us. After
getting to know Da, Zana, and more about my husband’s past, I had a
lot of questions for Glare. Looking back, I could now see him with
new eyes. The way he acted. The way he moved, even. When he had
met Cesteru, because he had plainly been waiting for him during the
Choosing. It all bothered me. First, though, we had to get home.

We must have paid the owners of the Shazi more than the entire

inn had cost to build. That did not matter, though. They had taken
good care of us and put up with our entire entourage for nearly two
months.

There were last trips made through the markets, where I spent far

more money than I should have done, but I did not care as it was
almost all presents for everyone at home.

Shadow’s Dagger

219

The journey home began, and it was so different to the one we had

started months before as we headed out to Rativa. The dust, the heat,
and the sweat were the same. But every night, Barli kissed me. He
held me in his arms and told me I was loved. I think he needed to say
it, to tell me, even more than I needed to hear it, if that were possible.
We made love every time there was an inn to stay at, sometimes
sweetly, and sometimes with the fire I craved as he mastered my
body. When we slept in my carriage, he frequently brought me to
release with his mouth. I was not a quiet lover, we had found. So
when this happened, I had to hold myself quiet with my hands or a
cushion across my mouth, or silence my mouth with other, more
pleasurable things, like returning the favour. He showed me many
ways to love on our journey.

I was almost oblivious to Sadia’s presence on the trip. She had her

own carriage and guards, of which Da pretended to be one. He had
dyed his hair again and darkened his skin somehow. The differences
were enough to render his similarities to Barli unnoticeable,
especially as they made sure no one saw them close to each other. We
did not talk much about the strange dream Barli had had, though I
knew that he desperately wanted to discover more about it and the
possibility that he had changed what had happened to him so long
ago. I made up my mind to ask the king to send a contingent of guards
to Barli’s mother’s house to both enquire after her welfare, and escort
her back to the palace for a visit, or even to live if she wished. I
wanted to meet her. Barli also told me that he now better remembered
the faces of the men who had attacked his family. Our world was a
very big place, but with the probability that the enemy we faced being
the same one that had hired the men, there would be far more chance
of Barli being able to track them down. It surprised me how little the
thought of my husband killing those men actually bothered me, but
then I thought again. It wasn’t just his past Barli would be avenging.
He would also be protecting our future, and our son.

220

Violet Joicey-Cowen

Even the horses seemed to know the end of our journey was in

sight when we crossed under the city walls into Nilan’tori. The
carriage itself began moving more smoothly as our pace picked up.
The horns sounded, announcing my return to the city, and I knew
everyone at the palace would know we were coming.

“Happy, sweet one?”
“Oh yes. I cannot wait to see everyone, to hold Linden.”
“He will have grown a lot.”
“I know.” I felt sad for a moment at how much I would have

missed, but dismissed it. Linden would not know the difference as he
grew up, but he would know every day how much we both loved him.
A similar anticipation at seeing him shone in Barli’s eyes.

I smiled over at Barli, amazed at how the choice I had made in

him as my husband had changed my life. All our lives, really, as I
thought about it. If I had not met him, chosen him, we would not now
be on our way back with the only Dax left who could help us in our
coming fight with Fingara’dax. Everyone had long thought her dead,
but she worked to undermine and destroy us for something which had
not been our fault in the first place.

We would find a way to beat her. If I could win the heart of my

assassin husband, we could accomplish anything. All we had to do
was trust in each other and keep fighting.

THE END

WWW.VIOLETJOICEYCOWEN.WEEBLY.COM

WWW.VIOLETJOICEYCOWEN.WORDPRESS.COM

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/VIOLET.JOICEYCOWEN

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Violet Joicey-Cowen is the proud owner of one rather chaotic life.

This includes her son, her menagerie (currently—two dogs, one cat,
one guinea-pig, one fish, and numerous stick-insects), her friends, and
a rather battered laptop she would be lost without. She lives in North
Yorkshire in England. When she is not writing she plays a lot of pool
and is on a couple of teams.

She has been writing since she was about ten years old and has

always loved escaping into other worlds where the people living there
would tell her their stories and she would just have to write them
down. She always dreamed of having her stories published so her
characters could get out there and meet other people who might begin
to love them as much as she does. She loves to hear from readers and
can be contacted through her WordPress account, Weebly website, or
you can find her on Facebook.

For all titles by Violet Joicey-Cowen, please visit