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Cover Artist: Angel Rodriguez-Benton & Vicktor Alexander

Editors: Sam Derr

ISBN # 978-0615780863

Attention Readers: This book uses Ameriglish. English speakers from other countries should consider

themselves warned… there will be donuts rather than doughnuts.

reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including

electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without

express written permission of the publisher. All characters and events in this book are

fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly

coincidental. The Licensed Art Material is being used for illustrative

purposes only; any person depicted in the Licensed Art Material is a model.

PUBLISHER: Rooster & Pig Publishing

TRADEMARKS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

The author acknowledges the trademarked status and

trademark owners of the following wordmarks

mentioned in this work of fiction:

Freddy Kreuger: Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street; New Line Cinema. 1984

Jason: (Jason Voorhees) Friday the 13

. Paramount Pictures. 1980

Glee: Ryan Murphy. FOX Broadcasting Company. 2009

40-Year Old Virgin: Steve Carrell. Universal Pictures. Apatow Productions. 2005

The Dirty Girl:

Dirty Girl Mud Run Series. Trekwomen.

New York Yankees: Yankee Global Enterprises. 1901

2013 BMW 7: BMW of North America, LLC

Wookie:

Star Wars. George Lucas. 20

Century Fox. 1977.

Lord of the Rings: J.R.R. Tolkien. 1954.

Princess Ann Hotel: Howard Stafford. 1924.

Boystown:

Reidling Entertainment. Ricky Reidling. 2005.

LOGO TV: Viacom International, Inc. MTVViacom Media Networks. LOGO Channel.

Thank you Kris Jacen for giving me the idea for this story and to Angel, for being the best

friend a guy like me could ever have. You stepped in when I needed you without me even

asking, I’m totally naming my first son after you.

Vicktor Alexander

The Besties

Chapter One

"Go, Krystal! Go, Amy! Run!" I yelled. My two Besties were fierce women and their faces

were red from exertion as they ran yet another marathon. I had traveled all the way from Manhattan

to Asheville, North Carolina to watch the two of them run, and even though the sun was scorching

hot, I couldn't regret the long ass road trip that I'd taken.

"They're like Amazon warriors, aren't they?" Krystal's husband Joel asked me. I turned to

smile at the older man and nodded. I like Joel. He was a former Army Special Ops soldier and

even though he'd served in the military during Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, he didn't have a problem with

me being gay. Yes, I know there are gay soldiers who served during DADT and I am aware that

not all macho straight men have a problem with gays, but in my own flawed, discriminatory way,

I expected Joel to have a problem with gay me when I first met him. Why? Because Joel practically

screamed ultra-conservative Republican and let’s be honest, they aren’t too fond of my people. So

when I met him I expected all manner of homophobic slurs. I didn’t receive one. I appreciated

people who didn't have a problem with me being a man who loved other men. Especially when

they were as hot as Joel was. Hey, I know he's married to my best friend, but I'm single and

bordering on desperate; I can fantasize about him all I want as long as I don't make a pass at him.

I should know: I asked Krystal and she said it was okay.

"I know for a fact that I'd never be able to do it," I admitted. It wasn't because I was fat or

anything. I was actually pretty in shape, but I had asthma, a pretty horrible case of it, as a matter

of fact, and running was out of the question for me. If Jason or Freddy Kreuger ever decided they

wanted to kill me, I'd have to just lay down and let them have me. Death by stab wound is much

better than suffocating. That's essentially what asthma is. My lungs don't get enough air and I start

to suffocate. It's a horrible feeling, my face turns red and I start to panic, which leads to my asthma

reacting more harshly. This made me so attractive to prospective boyfriends. Nothing says sexy

like talking to a gorgeous man and having to use my inhaler because I can't breathe in front of him.

More than once I'd lowered my hand and opened my eyes only to find the hot guy had either

walked away or been scoped by another guy in the club. My love life completely sucks; it's why

I'm thirty and still a virgin.

Don't laugh, Steve Carrell from The 40-year old virgin and I have a lot in common. While

I don't collect action figures, I do have a room filled with lighthouse paintings, statues, ceramics,

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and other lighthouse collectibles. It was my peace room, always reminding me that it was my job

to look out for others and to remind me that there's always someone looking out for me. I didn't

know who that person was, but I couldn't wait to meet them and tell them that they were doing a

pretty crappy job.

Joel and I watched as the rest of the women running in "The Dirty Girl" race passed us

before we headed towards the finish line. We would meet up with Krystal and Amy there,

congratulate them, and then head back to the hotel to clean up and have dinner. I'd never

understood Krystal and Amy's dedication to running, beyond wanting to stay in shape, but for them

it was an obsession. They were as in love with running as I was with Bradley Cooper. Come on,

talk about someone who deserved to have an entire tribe of people worshipping his image. I would

be the first person in line if someone ever decided to start up a cult for him. Just call me High

Priest Kelly Jeter.

Before you ask, yes, I am a guy and no, I'm not related to Derek Jeter. Kelly is my father's

name and growing up most people called me Kel or KJ or Junior, but when I grew out my hair,

everyone took to calling me Kelly. It didn't bother me really. My strawberry blond hair hung in

thick waves to my shoulders, I was short and thin, and had blue eyes. My ex-boyfriend told me I

had a "ghetto booty" because the only really big thing on me was my ass, and if it weren't for the

whole asthma, being a virgin thing, I could have had guys lining up to fuck me just based on my

ass.

My ex-boyfriend was also my boss back in Manhattan at the advertising firm that I worked

for. His name was Adam Schuler and he was totally my type. Tall, broad-shouldered, brown hair,

hazel eyes, job, house, and a dog. We were perfect for each other, at least according to him. I

apparently made the perfect trophy husband and would have become Mr. Kelly Schuler had I been

able to overlook Adam's philandering and the fact that his parents didn't know he was gay. I had

exploded out of the closet when I was 14, much to my parents' horror. They'd kicked me out of the

house, and I'd to take on odd jobs around the city in order to pay for the hotel room I was living

in. Krystal and her parents found out about my parents and showed up one morning demanding

that I come live with them. I have pride, but I'm no fool, and because of that, I lived with them

until I graduated from high school—with honors and as the school's valedictorian.

Krystal's parents became one set of parents to me and Amy's parents became the other set.

I never spoke to my parents again, though they showed up at my high school graduation trying to

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play the proud, doting parents. I'd barely spared them a glance before rushing towards my new

parents and hugging them tightly. They were the ones who had gotten me through high school. It

was them who had included me on family vacations, taken me to the hospital when I needed it,

encouraged me to go to college, and then told me they'd put money aside for me so that I could go.

They were my real parents and my birth parents meant nothing to me. I hadn't changed my first

name, but on my eighteenth birthday I had my last name changed. I'd taken Krystal's father's

favorite baseball player's last name. I didn't too much care for Derek Jeter, or sports in general, but

it was my way of asserting my independence. I could have taken Krystal's parents' last name, they'd

surely offered it to me, but for some reason, the thought of still being tied to Meridian, Mississippi

(aka, Bumfuck Egypt) made me break out in hives.

Joel and I arrived at the finish line and applauded for our girls as they ran over, throwing

their arms around the both of us. My besties and I all looked like we were related to each other.

While my hair was strawberry blond, Krystal's hair was red and Amy's hair was blonde. All three

of us were short and thin and all three of us had blue eyes. More than once people had asked us if

we were related and we always laughed whenever they did. We were related through love but not

blood and that's what we told people.

I had my arms around Amy and Krystal stood cuddled up in Joel's arms when it happened.

He walked over. I didn't know who he was at the time. All I knew was that a Greek god had

descended and was now walking towards me, a gorgeous smile on his bronzed face and thick black

hair blowing in the wind, ruffling his business-cut hair, his light brown eyes shining as he got

closer to us. I saw Krystal look at me out of the corner of my eye before following the direction of

my gaze. She let out a loud squeal and dashed out of Joel's arms towards the gorgeous stranger.

"Hawk!" she whooped before launching herself into his muscled arms. Amy shoved me

away before dashing after Krystal and throwing herself into Hawk's arms as well. I watched in

wonder as the tall, thick-muscled man lifted both of my friends into his arms and bounced them

up and down, causing them to giggle like children before placing them back on their feet. What I

wouldn't have given to bounce in his arms as well—though I'd prefer his cock to his arms.

"Wipe your face, you're drooling," Joel teased me, and I hurriedly wiped my chin, not

surprised to find saliva there. "Holy shit, you really were drooling!"

I chuckled and could do nothing except nod my head. All of my brain cells had melted in

the direction of my cock, which was even now jerking and leaking in my boxers. "He's just so

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fucking hot," I breathed, my breath catching in my lungs as Hawk walked towards us, his hands

resting on Krystal and Amy's shoulders. They both only came up to his pecs, which meant I only

came to his pecs as well. My ass clenched at the thought as I realized how much taller and broader

that made him than me.

I was frozen in place, his gaze locked on mine as Krystal and Amy walked with him over

to Joel and me. They couldn't be bringing him over to introduce him to us, could they? They

wouldn't do that to me. Not when they both knew how shy I was, how I practically ended up in the

hospital every time I tried to talk to a gorgeous man. Hawk was beyond gorgeous, however. He

was a fucking god, and rather than wind up in the hospital from not being able to breathe, I would

probably turn into a pillar of salt just from looking at him with lust.

Wait, I was thinking about biblical stories now? Yeah, my brain had completely melted.

I watched warily as Krystal and Amy brought Hawk directly to me with mischievous grins

on their faces. "Kelly, this is Hawk Caliarchi. Hawk, this is our best friend Kelly Jeter, no relation

to Derek," Krystal introduced us with a glint in her eyes.

"Hello, Kelly. It's nice to meet you," Hawk's voice was thunder wrapped in velvet and

dipped in chocolate. I shivered and opened my mouth to respond. A squeak came out and my eyes

snapped to Krystal's face. I felt my face flush in horror even as embarrassment and panic began to

set in. What if Hawk was the one and I was too chicken shit, too nerdy, too... me, to grab onto him

with both hands?

"Kelly? Calm down, honey. It's okay. Just don't freak out," Amy's voice came to me as if

through a fog. Her tone was calm, peaceful, and soothing, but although it had worked when we

were kids, now it only managed to heighten my awareness that I needed to be calm before I could

speak like a normal human being.

My chest tightened and I struggled to pull air into my lungs. I could hear myself wheezing,

feel my face flushing hot, and I mentally waved goodbye to ever having a chance with Hawk. Joel

grabbed my arm and spoke frantically in my ear.

"Kel? Hey, buddy, where's your inhaler? I need to give you a puff of Albuterol."

That was Joel for you. Krystal and Amy would try and soothe me with their words, rubbing

their hands on my arms and back, through my hair, trying to calm me with human touch while Joel

went instantly for the medicine that would save my life. We were a well-oiled machine, and I

wondered, briefly, what we looked like to Hawk. Would he see a family that had done this time

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and again and had all of the steps worked out, or would he see nothing but a short, skinny nerd

who couldn't even talk to a man without almost collapsing from lack of oxygen?

"Kelly, I want you to listen to my voice," Hawk's voice penetrated the haze and I looked

up, up, up into his gorgeous eyes. When had he moved to stand in front of me? Why was he trying

to help? "Breathe with me, Kelly. When I inhale, I want you to inhale; when I exhale, I want you

to exhale, alright?"

I nodded my head frantically, because it seemed the only thing I could do, and felt my

friends step away as Hawk stepped closer to me. He cradled my face in his hands and stared down

into my eyes.

"Ready? Inhale," Hawk instructed me before placing his hand on my chest. I inhaled with

him, a deep inhale, and when he exhaled so did I. I was enraptured by him, by his strength, and I

felt as if my lungs were connected to his as the tidal wave of panic began to recede and my breaths

came easier. I continued to breathe with Hawk, who didn't stop breathing even when Joel came

rushing back from the car with my back-up inhaler. My walking inhaler was in the pocket of the

purple hoodie that I wore, but I'd been too distressed to tell him.

"Take two puffs of your inhaler," Hawk commanded, and I nodded that I understood before

shaking the inhaler, pulling off the top and placing the puffer between my lips. Squeezing down

on the barrel, I pulled the medication into my lungs and held it for twenty seconds before exhaling.

Waiting thirty seconds, in which I continued to breathe with Hawk, I took another puff of my

inhaler and finally, finally felt my lungs open fully, the panic all but disappear, and my

embarrassment rush full-throttle over me.

"Nice to meet you, Hawk. My name's Kelly and I'm beyond embarrassed right now because

I really wanted you to think I was sexy, not needy. You know, if you’re gay—"

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The Besties

Chapter Two

I watched Hawk's eyebrows rise as he stared at me in surprise. When he laughed, I was

shocked myself, but it wasn't long before I was laughing right along with him. I didn't know what

made it so funny, besides the fact that I'd had a panic attack in front of the man I'd just been

fantasizing about fucking me. I was extremely embarrassed by my outburst, and by the panic attack

I’d had upon meeting him, but Hawk’s laughter put me completely at ease, which was odd since

no one had been able to do that before. Maybe it was the fact that said man had helped me get

through my panic attack that was so funny, but whatever it was, I found myself holding onto Joel's

arms as I giggled. That's right, I giggle, but what did you expect from a 30-year old virgin?

“I most certainly am gay, Kelly. Krystal and Amy have been talking about you for about

two years now, trying to get me to meet you,” he told me, and I gaped at my friends in shock.

They’d been trying to hook me up with this fine hunk of meat for two years and hadn’t told me?

Those wenches!

“Well, it seems that you have me at a disadvantage. I know nothing about you except that

your name is Hawk Caliarchi and you’re tall, dark, and gorgeous,” I babbled. This was my life’s

curse. I either had a panic attack and wound up in the hospital when I tried to talk to a gorgeous

man, or I babbled incessantly like a fucking crazy person. Either way, said gorgeous men thought

I was either too much work or crazy and left with some gorgeous twink that just happened to be

standing around.

I turned my head to scope out the area, looking for another twink with his eyes on Hawk

and was just about to breathe a sigh of relief when I spotted him. There. Over by the table with the

cups of water. He stood just a little taller than me, blond hair, blue eyes, thin frame with pouty,

pink lips wearing a pink cut-off shirt that had “Like my face? You should see my ass” written on

the front, and a pair of low-slung grey track pants showing off his hipbones. I gotta admit, if I’d

been a top I would have left me where I stood and gone over there to fuck the hot twink too. I

sighed dejectedly and looked back at Hawk, expecting to see him looking over at the “Super

Twink” and preparing to leave me standing with my friends, rejected once again.

I was shocked to find Hawk’s gaze locked on my face, a small smile on his lips. What the

hell? Nobody ever picked me over a twink. Ever. My ex consistently cheated on me with twinks.

There was obviously some subconscious reason I’d never felt completely comfortable with him, a

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reason why I’d always come up with some trip, some reason, some excuse to not have sex with

him. He’d always seemed to understand, or at least he’d said he did. When I found out about his

cheating it all made sense. When we’d finally broken up, he told me that he’d only dated me

because I was a virgin and a hot twink, but that I wasn’t really a hot twink. I was a boring twink

and no one wanted a boring twink. I couldn’t even drum up the energy to be angry with him. He

hadn’t been lying. I’d been told more than once that I was boring.

My most exciting days were the ones I spent following my besties around the country,

cheering them on as they raced for different causes. Breast cancer, brain cancer, ovarian cancer,

AIDS, gay rights, marriage equality, you name it and my girls had run for it. I lived vicariously

through them. Krystal Jinxston, who’d married her high school sweetheart just days after we all

graduated from high school. They had six children before Krystal had finally put a stop to giving

birth to their continually growing brood. When Joel told her that he’d always wanted ten, she’d

told him to find a mistress and have the last four because she was done. The kids were all two

years apart, except the youngest two, who were twins and the most adorable two-year olds in

existence. Joel had confessed to me that he’d always wanted a big family and wondered what he

should do to get his wife to change her mind. I’d chuckled and told him that if he really wanted

ten kids then there was only one thing he could do: Find a mistress.

But Joel loved Krystal, fiercely. They had the kind of love that made my heart hurt and my

eyes water just to look at them. So in true love fashion, they’d compromised and Joel got his last

four kids through adoption—without having to cheat. I hadn’t been in the least bit shocked when

Krystal called to tell me that she and Joel had decided to adopt. I was even less shocked when she

told me that they adopted four siblings, and while everyone else had whispered about the fact that

their four adopted children were African-American, I knew that there was more to the story than

the two of them were sharing.

It was Amy, my gorgeous, single bestie, who changed men like she changed panties, who’d

spilled the beans. Amy worked for the Department of Children and Families in the state of New

York, where we all lived. She’d told me that the four children all belonged to a coworker of theirs

who had been a single father, raising his four children on his own after his wife died from breast

cancer. His parents had passed away and her parents lived in Sudan. The children were orphaned

when their father passed away and my big-hearted friends had stepped in to take care of them.

Amy had decided not to adopt them saying she wasn’t ready to be a mom just yet, but she’d done

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all she could do to make sure those kids were adopted by Krystal and Joel. So my happily married

friends had their ten kids, all of them smart, beautiful, talented, and well-behaved.

Amy and I were the single ones, and while I longed for a relationship, for commitment,

Amy thrived alone. She’d been married briefly—I’m talking Kim Kardashian brief—to a man who

neither Krystal nor I could understand her being in love with. It wasn’t that Leon was a bad guy,

it was just that it was so obvious that he was gay. I mean, I’m like Kurt Hummel from Glee gay,

but Leon was like Liberachi meets Perez Hilton meets Adam Lambert gay. It just made no sense

at all—and when it ended, she hadn’t shed a tear. She also hasn’t been serious about anyone since

then. Whenever I ask her about it she tells me that she’s waiting for me to decide that I actually

like breasts and vaginas, and I keep telling her that day will come the moment Mitt Romney tells

the world that he’s gay.

Yeah, don’t see that happening? Me neither.

So while Joel was retired military, Krystal was a stay-at-home mom of ten, who did

consulting work for the government every so often. Amy, who was single, worked for the state of

New York, creating families and sometimes breaking them apart to make them better and always

had a date. I worked at an advertising firm, barely dated, and collected lighthouses. It totally made

sense for Hawk to be staring at me so intensely. He was trying to figure out a way to make me

more interesting so he wouldn’t have to insult my friends and tell them how much their friend

sucked.

I opened my mouth to tell him that he didn’t need to feel obligated to ask me out when he

placed his very large hand over my lips.

“Sshh,” he said softly. “Let me stop you right now before you tell me that I don’t have to

ask you out, or you tell me that you’re not in my league—“

My eyebrows rose at his words and I looked at Krystal, Amy, and Joel, who all looked

away as if they had just noticed something interesting on the other side of the finish line. The three

traitors had obviously been running their mouths. No doubt they’d told Hawk all of my many flaws

in an effort to give him a heads up. That should have made me happy right? It didn’t. It made me

feel like the problem kid whose parents have to warn the babysitter that “he might bite you or take

off all his clothes and go running through the streets.” I wanted to be indignant, I really did, but

the smell of Hawk, the press of his fingers against my lips, pulled me into a tornado of lust so

strong that I closed my eyes, inhaled, and almost swooned from the sheer force of it.

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“You are so in my league, Kelly, and I would love to take you on a date just to prove it to

you,” Hawk’s voice had deepened and the slight press of his body against mine let me know that

he’d moved closer to me. “So what do you say?” he asked, the words whispered against my

forehead as he pressed his lips there.

I couldn’t speak. I could barely move, and my ability to form words and signals with my

hands had completely escaped me, so I merely nodded my head at his suggestion and swallowed

thickly. His fingers dropped from my mouth and his massive arms wrapped around my body. He

could easily crush me with a tight bear hug, all without putting too much power into it. That

knowledge, coupled with images of him holding me down, holding me up, twisting my limbs in

different positions while he fucked me stupid made me groan. I wanted him to fuck me, use me,

tie me up, spank me, whatever the fuck he wanted to do as long as he was doing it to me. I wasn’t

into BDSM, and I certainly didn’t want anyone to use me as their toilet, but the rest of it? Sex in

public, oral, different positions, food, roleplaying, any and all of that I was totally behind.

I’d dress up like a sheep and "baa" for him if he promised to fuck me when it was all over.

So lost was I in fantasies of me dressing up like a French maid and parading around in front

of Hawk, bending over so that my naked ass was in his face, that when he pulled away, I was a

little startled to realize that we were standing outside. With my friends nearby. And me with a huge

boner in my pants. Talk about embarrassing.

I probably would have had another panic attack if Hawk hadn’t made a noise like a growl

before taking my hand and pressed it against his groin. Where there was a very big, very hard

erection trapped there.

Yummy.

I had to remind myself firmly that sinking to my knees to suck his cock was a bad idea.

At least in public.

Where there were families around.

Yeah, very, very bad idea Kelly.

Don’t do it.

“Slut, pull your mind out of the gutter,” Krystal’s voice broke through the haze of passion,

and I blinked slowly and returned to the present. I grinned when I finally focused on her and looked

up and noticed that Hawk wore the same dazed expression on his face.

It was suddenly very good to be me.

Vicktor Alexander

The Besties

Chapter Three

That night I was suddenly regretting my decision to go out to dinner with Hawk. What the

hell was I thinking? Men like him didn’t date men like me. They fucked men like me when they

were really drunk and the lights were off. No, I’m not ugly, at least I don’t think so and I’ve always

been told how pretty I am, but that’s just it. I’m pretty. Pretty doesn’t get proposed to. Pretty gets

a date and sex. I wanted to be gorgeous, hot, sexy. I wanted to be stunning, because if I were

stunning then I’d be married to an amazing guy, maybe Hawk, and we’d be adopting our third

Asian daughter right about now.

I sighed and pulled off the black tee I’d pulled on only moments before. I couldn’t do this.

I wouldn’t do this. I changed my mind. I wasn’t going.

Turning, I stomped off towards my dresser where my cell phone lay. I was going to call

Hawk and cancel our date. I’d only just picked up the phone when there was a knock at my door.

I hurried to the door, sans shirt, glancing at the clock to make sure that I wasn’t running late. I

opened the door without looking through the peephole to see who it was and squealed when I saw

my two besties standing outside the door. Krystal held a shopping bag and Amy held a bottle of

wine. Knowing why they were waiting outside, I opened the door to my hotel room and yanked

them both inside.

“I’m not going,” I told them firmly, not even waiting for them to finish squealing and

laughing.

“Yes, you are,” Amy stated just as emphatically.

“Nope,” I retorted, crossing my arms.

“Yes,” Krystal said, placing the bag she carried on the loveseat in the sitting area of the

room. When I’d found out that we were heading to Asheville for the race, I’d checked around for

the best hotel in the area—the Princess Ann Hotel—and promptly reserved a suite. I was a little

bit of a diva when it came to my creature comforts. I figure if I didn’t have a man to spoil me then

I might as well spoil myself. And so I’d needed a suite, with a sitting room, a bedroom, room

service, plush hotel robes, an exercise room in the hotel, free Wifi… the works. And I’d gotten it.

I didn’t regret it in the slightest. I worked hard for my money, and being able to afford an excellent

hotel was definitely one of the perks. Of course, those perks only came once a month for me,

meaning that for the rest of the month I lived in my Manhattan apartment and masturbated to

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videos of Paul Wagner, Jayden Tyler, Austin Wilde, Benjamin Bradley, and Roman Heart. And if

I was having a particularly low month, I’d pull out an old Brent Corrigan porn vid, light some

candles, pour some wine, and seduce myself.

I was a little sick of dating me. I wanted to date someone else. That totally didn’t mean that

I was going out with Hawk, however. It just meant that I was finally realizing that I needed to date

someone. Anyone.

Anyone but Hawk. He was just… well he had… and he looked like…

All very good reasons.

“You have no good reason not to go on this date with Hawk. He’s got a good job as a field

agent for the FBI, he’s in good shape. He owns a house on Long Island. He has two cars. No kids,

supportive parents, three younger brothers who all work in law enforcement as well. He’s

gorgeous. He’s kind. He plays the guitar, which means he can play the music while you sing. He’s

compassionate. He runs or walks or does whatever he has to do for different charities. He’s

gorgeous. He thinks you’re sexy and funny. He totally knows what to do and how to calm you

down when you’re having one of your attacks. He’s gorgeous,” Krystal reiterated, crossing her

arms over her ample bosom.

Shit.

I shouldn’t have answered that fucking door. Then I could have cancelled the date and no

one would have known. Well, no one except me and Hawk, of course. But now?

Now I’m going to have to go on the stupid date with the gorgeous Greek sun god who was

smart and perfect, and I’m going to enjoy the date and want to go on another one with him, but at

some point during the date, Hawk is going to figure out that I’m boring.

And a virgin.

And a nerd.

And he’s going to make up his mind that I’m not worth the trouble of trying to sleep with

and toss me to the side. Oh, he’ll tell me something nice, sweet, and flowery. Something kind and

compassionate because that’s how he is, but in the end, it’s all the same.

“Kelly is a boring, nerdy, virgin.”

I’m going to die without ever getting laid.

“I fucking hate it when you do that!” Amy exploded suddenly, and I blinked in her

direction, taking a step back instantly. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her so angry—

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and never at me. Not once in all the many years that I’d known her had Amy ever been this angry

with me. I didn’t know what to say or do, and so I just stood there, looking at her in shock, watching

as her face flushed red at me.

“You get locked in your head, Kels. You get locked in there and you hear your biological

parents and your ex-boyfriend and that guy from college who almost raped you and you start

beating yourself up mentally. You forget that we’re here. That we love you. You forget how truly

gorgeous you are.” Amy sighed and shook her head as she looked away. When she looked back at

me there were tears in her eyes and I felt like an asshole. “You don’t see it. You’ve never seen it,

but you are so fucking beautiful, Kel. So goddamn gorgeous and any man or woman, any person,

would be lucky to have you. But they’ll never know that if you don’t recognize it yourself. You

have to recognize it. You have to get it. Otherwise this date really is going to be a failure.”

Krystal nodded and reached out to rub Amy’s arm. I felt as if I were trapped in some

primetime drama that I just couldn’t turn off as Krystal turned to look back at me with narrowed

eyes. I held up my hands in a universal sign of surrender. I’d already decided to go on the date that

night with Hawk, and I would even try hard not to get in my own way, but gods alive, I wanted to

avoid the lectures. My friends knew me too well. They knew what would affect me. What would

get me to act and because of that, I didn’t want to hear it.

“You have got to stop sabotaging yourself, Kelly. Hawk is a really good guy and we think

he might be perfect for you, but you have to allow yourself the chance to fall in love, to actually

let someone love you,” Krystal told me. I wanted to roll my eyes at her, but I valued my life way

too much to tempt her temper.

I wanted to be in love. Didn’t every gay man want to be in love and have the perfect partner,

the beautiful house, kids, and pets, with a scorching hot sex life? I wanted those things, and for

Krystal to imply that I was deliberately causing my dates to go badly was an insult. A massively

huge insult that made me so angry that I could spit.

And not just because a part of me knew that she was telling the truth.

I sighed and looked away from her. “I want to be in love, Krys,” I told her softly. “But I’m

just so fucking scared.” It was a hard truth to admit to and I suddenly respected those men who

confessed to heinous crimes because they couldn’t live with the guilt anymore. Confession may

be good for the soul, but it was hard as fuck to accomplish. I pulled my shirt back over my head

and folded my arms across my chest.

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“I know you are, Kels,” Amy answered, stepping close to me and wrapping her arms around

me from the right while Krystal came up to me on my left side and wrapped her arms around both

me and Amy. It was a Kelly-sandwich, something the girls had started calling it as sophomores in

high school. I would never admit it, even under penalty of death, but I loved Kelly-sandwiches. It

made me feel loved, protected, and secure in our relationship. I didn’t know why I constantly

needed that reaffirmation that they loved me, but I always needed to know that someone gave a

damn about what happened to me.

“Aaww, my poor, Kelly,” Amy sniffled and it was only then that I realized that both of my

best friends were sobbing on my shirt, you know the one I’d finally decided to wear for my date

that I was so going on. “You’re still just that little boy whose parents disowned him, aren’t you?”

I opened my mouth to deny it when I felt Krystal’s hand on my face as she wiped away the

tears that rolled down my cheeks. When had I started crying? I took a deep breath and exhaled

deeply. I couldn’t be red and puffy from crying when Hawk showed up. I needed to fix my face.

More than that, I needed to find something else to wear as my current shirt had become a

handkerchief or snot rag, depending on which side you were looking at.

“Okay girls, help me find something to wear. I have date that’s going to be on time, which

means he’s going to be here in thirty minutes, so help me get dressed,” I instructed them. They

both giggled, which was exactly what I was going for, before Krystal gasped and clapped her

hands.

“I almost forgot! That’s why we came over, Kels. We got you a hot new outfit to wear for

your date, plus we got some mousse and gel and some really sexy, smell-good cologne,” Krystal

stated proudly.

My eyes widened and I looked at the bags that they’d set down earlier warily. What if they

tried to dress me up in pink and sparkles? I mean, I didn’t have a problem with that usually, but I

didn’t want Hawk to know how gay I was. I mean, obviously I wanted him to know I was gay,

which I’m sure he did, I just didn’t want him to know that I was a “flaming” homosexual. Not yet

anyway.

What? Can you blame me for not wanting to scare the man away?

Hawk seemed like a “passer.” One of those gay men who could pass for straight because

of how masculine they were. No one would ever confuse me for a heterosexual. According to my

ex, I screamed “gay”. I was all Lady Gaga, Madonna, Boystown, San Francisco, LOGO TV, and

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fabulousness where he exuded sports, tools, automobiles, women with fucking huge knockers, and

children. I needed to tone down the “Kelly” and turn up the “Kel.”

“Can you stop doing that please?” Amy sighed dejectedly. I realized then that I’d once

again gotten lost in my head and had apparently allowed my thoughts to show on my face. Dammit,

I had to get a handle on that.

“I’m sorry,” I was instantly contrite. I hated making my friends feel bad. I really did and if

it meant pushing my own feelings and insecurities to the side for them, then I would do it and do

it gladly.

Pasting the biggest smile on my face, I gestured towards the shopping bag and wiggled my

hips. “Well, c’mon, my fairy hag-mothers. Make me beautiful,” I told them and dodged the pillows

that came sailing towards me. I would go on this date with Hawk and when he decided not to see

me anymore at least I would have tried.

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Chapter Four

The knock on the door to the suite sounded loud to my frayed nerves. Hawk was early by

about ten minutes. That was good, right? Or it could mean that he had another date, one he really

wanted to go on, scheduled right after our date was over. I mentally groaned. God, I was so emo

right now. I was getting on my nerves. I wished I were a female because at least then I could blame

it on that time of the month. I squared my shoulders and opened the door with a grin on my face.

“Nngghh,” I blushed and felt my brain sizzle at the sight of Hawk in a white suit, light blue

button up shirt, white tie and white vest. My mouth fell open as my gaze raked him from head to

toe. His black hair was slicked back from his forehead and his eyes glittered in the light from the

hallway. His broad frame was barely contained in the fabric of his suit. I snapped my mouth closed

while my mind imagined licking all of that hidden flesh. I would have sunk to my knees right then

and swallowed Hawk’s cock down my throat if I hadn’t determined, sometime in the last ten

minutes, that I wasn’t going to put out on the first date.

No matter how much I wanted to feel Hawk’s cock pounding away in my ass.

I cleared my throat and smiled at Hawk, gesturing for him to come inside. I shivered

slightly when Hawk stepped into the suite and grazed the tip of his index finger along my jaw. I

turned to watch him walk towards the sitting area, my eyes zeroing in on his firm ass.

“I’m sorry that I’m not completely ready yet,” I whispered, pointing at my socked feet. The

pair of shoes the besties had bought for me were either too big or too small. I wasn’t sure how

fancy the restaurant that we were going to was, but I could only hope that they wouldn’t have a

problem with my shoes.

“It’s okay,” Hawk responded almost as quietly as me. “I don’t mind waiting for you. I’m

sure it will be worth it.”

My face burned with a kind of happy embarrassment and I ducked my head. I headed to

the loveseat in the room and sat down on it so I could pull on the pair of black tennis shoes that

waited there. I swallowed thickly when Hawk came and sat down right next to me. I was intensely

aware of his big, hard body and the heat that radiated from him all along my left side. As I pulled

the laces tight on one shoe, I glanced over at him and found his gaze trained on my face.

“W-what?” I chuckled nervously.

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Hawk shook his head and before I had a chance to blink, he’d pressed his lips against mine.

I gasped and froze, but only for a moment before I tried to devour his mouth. My hands went up

around his neck as I pressed as close to him as I could get. I groaned as Hawk palmed my ass just

as he sank his other hand into my hair, pulling on the strands gently. My cock jerked behind the

placket of my suit pants at his aggressive action.

“Mmm, does my pretty man like that?” Hawk asked, his voice deeper and huskier than it

had been earlier. I moaned and nodded, my heart fluttering in my chest that he’d staked his claim

on me. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops that Hawk wanted me, that he’d called me his, but

my rational brain popped up… again and reminded me that I’d only known Hawk a few hours and

there was no way he could be claiming me like I thought he was, and if he was, in fact, claiming

me that way then I needed to run for the hills because that was way too fast. I didn’t believe in

love at first sight, I barely believed in lust at first sight, and while I wanted nothing more than to

serve myself up to Hawk, completely nude on a silver platter, I wasn’t going to. I didn’t know him

and he didn’t know me.

I didn’t notice that Hawk had pulled back from the kiss until I felt him touch my lips with

his fingers.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” he asked me as he moved me back onto

the loveseat next to him. I nibbled on my bottom lip and shrugged my shoulders, looking away.

“C’mon, pretty man, you can tell me whatever you want.”

I sighed heavily before turning back to him. “You don’t know me.”

Hawk looked surprised for a moment before a grin split his face. “So you feel it too, huh?”

he asked me.

“I don’t feel anything,” I lied. Hawk laughed before standing to his feet and reaching out a

hand to me. I stared at the hand and then at him for a second before I grasped it in my own, allowing

Hawk to pull me to my feet. I was fascinated by our differences in that moment. Not only was

Hawk so much taller than me, but he was a lot bigger than me—his hand practically swallowed

mine. He was tan where I was pale and largely muscled where I was slim. My legs were thin and

the calf muscles I’d once had were gone, disappearing as I lost weight because of the horrible ex-

boyfriend fiasco. But Hawk’s calves pressed against the fabric of his pants, making them look

painted on. I could stand there and drool all over him for hours, days, but my stomach chose that

moment to growl angrily.

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Hawk laughed and pointed at my other shoe. “C’mon, gorgeous, put your other shoe on so

I can feed you. Then we can talk more about this connection that we both feel and that you are so

determined to deny.”

I wanted to glare or stick out my tongue in indignation, but Hawk leaned over and kissed

me again and I forgot what I was about to say. So I sat back down, put on my other shoe, and when

he offered me my coat, I allowed him to put it on me. I grabbed my cell phone, keys to the room,

and my wallet and taking the hand that he offered me again, I followed him out of the room.

Dinner was at a gorgeous Greek restaurant, and between Hawk, the other gorgeous waiters

and the amazing food, I had so much fun and was extremely satisfied. So much so that when Hawk

pushed me up against the wall outside of the restaurant, I lifted my head up and offered my lips

for his kiss. I moaned happily when his tongue swept through the inside of my mouth. I wasn’t

worried about some bigot walking by and growling his displeasure at seeing two men making out.

All I wanted, all I needed, in that moment was Hawk.

“Do you want to—“ Hawk said.

“Yes please,” I interrupted him, drifting my hand down from behind his head over his chest

to his groin.

“Thank God,” he breathed before grabbing my hand and dragging me off to his car. I wasn’t

really into cars. I found a lot more things interesting than something whose only purpose was to

take me from one place to another, but I loved Hawk’s car. I’d asked him what it was and he’d

smiled and sheepishly told me that it was a 2013 BMW 7—and it was beautiful. It rode like a

dream and the whole time I sat in it, I had images of me and Hawk, nude and fucking in the

backseat on the cloth seats. It was a beautiful image, one that I couldn’t wait to perform. But not

this time. Not tonight. Not when we had a perfectly good suite waiting on us.

We climbed in the car and all I could think about was getting my hands on Hawk’s body.

I wanted him sweaty underneath me, or maybe sweaty and behind me as his cock pounded into

my ass. Whatever it was going to be, I wanted it right then. I knew that I was impatient; it was my

only flaw.

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Okay, it was one of my many flaws, but it was the only one that I readily claimed and

accepted. And maybe changing my mind about sex all because of a sexy man. But if you saw

Hawk you would totally understand. My ass had been clenching since I met him and all of those

warnings against having sex with a man I didn’t know had grown quiet. Maybe it was the great

dinner we’d had, maybe it was how attentive and nice Hawk had been to me, or even the small

voice inside me that kept telling me that Hawk was the one for me… whatever it was, I knew I

wanted Hawk. I wanted to lose my virginity—finally—and I wanted to lose it to this gorgeous

man who didn’t find me weird and nerdy.

As we drove back to my hotel, my hand drifted of its own accord to Hawk’s thigh and

began to rub and stroke the tense muscle. It did my heart good to know that I had that much of an

effect on him and I wanted to scream out to the heavens that I, Kelly Jeter, had turned Hawk on so

much that he was like a bow string about to pop. I allowed myself a small smile as my hand drifted

closer and closer to Hawk’s thick bulge. I heard his soft groan as my fingers traced his zipper and

when I grabbed the tab and lowered it, the small hitch of his hips as he slid down to give me more

room to play made me chuckle. Oh yeah, he wanted it just as much as I did.

Without looking at him, I pulled the zipper all the way down and fiddled with the button at

the top of his pants. When that was down, I rubbed his hard cock through his boxer briefs, finding

the wet spot and focusing my attention there. I wasn’t sure what I was going for, if I wanted him

to shoot his load in the car or if I wanted to get him to the edge and keep him there until we got to

the hotel.

The decision was taken out of my hands when, seconds later, the car pulled off on the side

of the road and into a deserted parking lot. Hawk turned off the engine and turned to look at me in

the fading lights from the car. We didn’t speak, we didn’t need to, we just opened our doors and

walked to the back of the car to climb in the backseat. As soon as the doors closed we were all

over each other. Our teeth clacked together and our lips and tongues dueled with each other. The

taste of Hawk exploded on my taste buds and I was instantly addicted. Gods, I wanted him so

badly that I felt like an untried high-schooler having his first sexual encounter. Well, I guess I was

“untried” and having my “first sexual encounter.” But I’m no high-schooler, even if I am as short

and thin like one. But besides that, I’m a grown man, so there. I moaned as Hawk slipped his hands

down the back of my slacks, suddenly very glad that Krystal and Amy had insisted that I not wear

my black jeans.

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The press of Hawk’s fingers against my clenching hole had me pressing as close to him as

I could possibly get. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whimpered. I didn’t need much

foreplay at that moment, I just needed Hawk’s cock in my ass. Yes, I was a slut, I didn’t mind

admitting that. I wasn’t usually so forward, I never let anyone actually touch me… there, but there

was something about Hawk. He oozed power, protection, caring, strength, and security. I wanted

him to be my first and I wanted him to be my first in the backseat of his car.

I wrenched my lips away from his and panted as I tried to pull air into my lungs even as

my fingers drifted down his chest and began unbuttoning his shirt. My fingers were itching to

touch his skin, to trace the muscles in his chest, his nipples. I wanted his cock in my mouth before

he put said cock deep in my ass.

My prick twitched and leaked at the thought and with a growl, I reached down into his

already opened pants and pulled out his cock. I looked down, sure that what I was feeling had to

be a mistake—there was no way he was as big as I thought he was. Looking down only confirmed

my beliefs, and I swallowed thickly. He wasn’t going to fit. There was no way, no how, nuh-uh.

Not in my virgin ass. He’d just have to find some other way to get off.

“Don’t worry, pretty man, it will fit,” Hawk reassured me before unbuttoning my pants and

pulling them down my legs to my knees.

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Chapter Five

My mind was split. I wanted to feel Hawk inside of me, I truly did, but while I’d been

prepared for a little burn, I wasn’t prepared to be split open. I could feel a panic attack starting to

come over me. My chest tightened and my vision narrowed as Hawk grasped my cock in his hand

and started to stroke. What was I supposed to do? Do you stop a man who is lowering his head

towards your cock, probably about to give you the best blowjob in your life and tell him that you’re

about to have a panic attack? I didn’t know the rules here, or what was proper hook-up etiquette

and so I tried to calm myself down even as I gasped at the feel of Hawk’s tongue on the head of

my dick. While he moaned and groaned, slurping, licking, kissing, and sucking on my cock, taking

me to heights of pleasure that I’d never experienced before, I gasped, squirmed, and clutched his

head, all while trying desperately to not think about his huge shaft.

I could feel the tide about to wash over me and was just about to let Hawk know when he

released my cock from his mouth and looked up at me. Our eyes collided and just like that, the

wave receded. My heartbeat returned to normal, my lungs opened up, and my gaze widened. I

hadn’t known him long, but I knew already that there was no way that Hawk would hurt me. He

would take care of me and try to make it not hurt so much. So all I had to do was let him get me

ready. Which I could totally do.

I pressed my lips to his and pulled him close to me with my hands on his back. “I want

you, Hawk, but I’ve never done this before so you have to be slow and gentle with me,” I whispered

with my lips against his.

I heard his gasp and thought he was going to tell me that he’d changed his mind. It wouldn’t

be the first time. I’d been told before that no man wanted to be the one to take a virgin’s cherry.

And yes, before you laugh, I knew the guy telling me that was an idiot and it’s usually the other

way, but I would actually prefer that it was the former and not the latter. Some men are so eager

to be the first one that they aren’t careful. Krystal and Amy had both availed me of that knowledge.

“God, baby, that’s so fucking hot,” Hawk stated before taking my mouth in a scorching

kiss. I felt myself being pressed back against the seat and I lay down willingly. My shoes, socks,

pants and briefs were pulled off and thrown up in the passenger seat by Hawk. I watched him as

he watched me, noticing the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed. I trembled as he

ran his fingers over my hips and down my legs slowly and gently, almost as if he were in awe. I

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felt treasured as he lowered his head and began to gently kiss my skin, his lips on my stomach and

my hips. He lifted my right leg and placed soft kisses from my ankle up my calf to my knee then

over my thigh to my groin. He gave the length of my dick a long lick before turning to my other

leg and repeating the motion. When he finally finished, I was a quivering mass of need, my arms

stretched out, and hands struggling to find something to grab onto, to keep me grounded.

I opened my eyes when I heard Hawk grunt, thinking he’d gotten off before being able to

penetrate me only to chuckle at the sight of him struggling to get out of his clothes. In movies and

romance books they always make things like this seem so effortless, as if the clothes just melted

off the parties involved, but the backseat of a car was a tiny space and it took some ninja-moves

to get things accomplished. Hawk glanced over at me and offered me a sheepish grin. His shirt,

tie, and suit jacket were crumpled and resting on the floor of the car.

“You can get fully undressed next time, Hawk, but this time I just want to feel you inside

me,” I told him, reaching out a hand and tracing the smattering of hair on his chest. I’d always

heard that Greek men were hairy, but while there was definitely black hair all over this gorgeous

man’s torso, it wasn’t exactly what I’d been picturing. I’d thought he’d be a Wookie; he was more

of a bear. A very sexy bear who was staring at me with lust shining so brightly that I felt scorched

from it.

“Shit,” I breathed shakily.

“Yeah,” Hawk agreed with me.

Hawk pulled his wallet out of his pants and placed it on the center console before pulling

his pants off one leg, his shoes discarded on the floor on top of his shirt and jacket. I watched as

he reached into his wallet and pulled out a one-use packet of lube and a condom; when he looked

back at me, I raised one eyebrow.

“Confident?” I teased.

“Hopeful and always prepared,” he responded back and after placing it on the seat in

between my legs, he placed his hands underneath my ass and lifted my hips. After that there were

no more words. My hard cock lay on my stomach, leaking copiously, and Hawk licked up the

viscous fluid resting there. We both groaned when he finally pulled my cock into his mouth and

began to suck.

I was lost in the maelstrom of passion and sensation, Hawk’s tongue swirling around the

head of my dick, his hands squeezing and caressing the globes of my ass. He pulled me gently

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until my knees rested over his shoulders and dropped his hands from my ass. My head moved from

side to side on the seat, and I tried to pull back my orgasm that was threatening to overwhelm me.

The stroke of Hawk’s slick fingers over my guardian muscle while his other hand pulled one of

my ass cheeks to the side dropped me down into the present quickly and my eyes flew open. I

watched his face, his eyes were closed and there was such a look of bliss on his face as he sucked

my cock and my hips flew upwards as he pressed his finger deep inside of me.

“Holy fuck!” I yelled, my hands flying up and grabbing on the back of his head. I tried to

stop myself from fucking Hawk’s face, I swear I did, but as he pumped his finger in and out of my

ass, twisting, pushing, and pulling, before adding a second finger and inevitably grazing the tips

of them over my prostate, I couldn't stop myself.

I felt like I was flying and I never wanted to land. I let myself soar on the bliss of sensations

flowing over my body even as I was distantly aware of Hawk pushing a third finger deep within

my anus. He apparently enjoyed what he was doing to me because he moaned around my cock and

his fingers sped up their pumping in my channel even as he shifted, his muscled shoulders

bunching and moving underneath my legs.

Without preamble Hawk withdrew his fingers and pulled his mouth off my cock. I whined,

my ass feeling empty and my dick feeling neglected. The tearing of foil had my eyes flying open

even and I watched as Hawk placed the condom over his huge shaft, pulling it down until he was

completely encased. I watched while he poured the rest of the lube onto his cock before he looked

up at me.

“Ready?” he asked me, his voice deep and husky as he pressed the head of his dick against

my hole.

I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, as I prepared myself to lose my virginity to this man,

Hawk, who I’d just met that day. I had a moment of hesitation, a brief flash where my mind

reminded me that I didn’t know him, that we weren’t committed to each other. Just a brief “what

the fuck are you doing?” Before I could delve into that thought anymore and actually ask myself

if I knew what I was doing, I felt pressure at my hole and then pain. Oh. My. God. The pain. I have

no idea why anyone would want to experience this. I could spend my life giving and receiving

blowjobs if I just never had to have sex again. I didn’t want to do this to anyone else and I so didn’t

want to experience this again.

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I lifted my hands, prepared to push against Hawk’s chest when he stopped. We both stared

at each other, neither of us moving too much, my body adjusting to the feeling of him within me,

him waiting for me to relax. After a moment, I did relax. My body followed shortly afterwards,

and I heard Hawk breathe a sigh of relief.

“You okay?” he breathed against my lips as he leaned over me, wrapping my legs around

his waist.

I swallowed and nodded, breathing out deeply. I was okay, the pain had receded to a dull

burn, which had given way to a feeling of fullness. It sounds cliché and I would never tell Krystal

and Amy that their romance novels got the description right, but that was exactly how I felt. Full.

Full of Hawk. Full of acceptance, my body accepting him into it, my mind accepting that I’d finally

lost my virginity and accepting that my heart might have started to soften just a little bit towards

this man who I’d only known a few hours.

I wanted to curse profusely that I'd even thought that, but then Hawk pushed all the way

into me, the hair surrounding his thick erection pressing against the curve of my ass before he

pulled out slowly. The head of his dick rubbed against the bundle of nerves in my ass and I groaned

loudly as my legs squeezed his waist and my fingers turned into claws on his shoulders. Oh god,

out was good.

Hawk paused again when the head of his cock rested just on the inside of my ass and then

pressed forward again, bottoming out. We both groaned and before long the car was filled with

heat, sweat, grunting, groans, moans, slurping kisses, and the sound of flesh slapping against flesh.

It was the most beautiful symphony known to man and I wished that I could record the sounds and

play them to myself at night as a lullaby. I was addicted to that song. It was the sound of Hawk

and me making love.

It was the sound of destiny. And as my orgasm exploded throughout my body, Hawk

following me over the edge shortly thereafter, I found myself hoping that I could have that song

on repeat for the rest of my life.

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Chapter Six

We drove back to my hotel room holding hands and grinning at each other like idiots. I

couldn’t explain what I was feeling in that moment. I wanted to fly, swim, run a thousand miles,

sing at the top of my lungs, and simultaneously shower and climb into bed and sleep until noon.

The only thing consistent about all of those things was that I wanted to do them with Hawk. I’d

never thought of myself as a “love at first sight” person, but apparently I was having to change my

viewpoint on my life when it came to Hawk. I was totally fine with that. We hadn’t talked about

what would happen the next day when me, the girls, and Joel left for New York, but obviously if

my besties knew him then he lived in New York, and no matter how far away from the city or how

close to it he lived, we would stay together. Yes, I know, we technically weren’t together just yet,

but… c’mon, he’d felt it too. He’d had to.

Suddenly all of my insecurities rushed over my mind like a freight train and I jerked my

hand out of Hawk’s grip. I pushed myself against the passenger side door and squeezed my eyes

shut as my chest tightened and my airways closed. My hands shook, my mind swirled with fog,

and my stomach roiled within me.

“Kelly?” Hawk’s voice sounded distant, concerned. As if he were moving farther and

farther away from me.

Why was he moving away from me? Was it because I’d been an easy slut and gave it up to

him on the first date? Was it because I was short and skinny? Did he know that my birth family

hadn’t wanted me? Why wasn’t he trying to hold me like before? Why wasn’t he trying to calm

me down? Why was I so cold?

When I opened my eyes later I was lying in bed surrounded by white walls with a really

annoying beeping noise next to my ear. I groaned, thinking it was the alarm clock going off. I lifted

my arm to turn it off only to yell out in pain when something pulled in my hand. I blinked my eyes

and turned my head to look at my hand. I gasped and looked around the room in shock. I wasn’t

in my hotel room like I’d originally thought—I was in a hospital. Why was I in a hospital? And

suddenly memories of my date with Hawk flashed through my mind. Our fantastic dinner, talking

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with him and getting to know him better. The sexual tension building between us, making love in

the backseat of his car, and the drive back to my hotel room when I’d had a panic attack.

I groaned in embarrassment and pressed my palms to my face. Who loses their virginity

and then has a panic attack? Hawk had to think I was a loser by this point. There was no way he

could still want anything else to do with me. He was probably going to tell Krystal and Amy all

about the date from hell and how he took this loser’s virginity and then the loser had a panic attack

and—

“Whatever you’re thinking is wrong, so you need to calm down,” Hawk’s voice sounded

from the doorway, and I lifted my head from my hands, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I

panted for breath. I turned to look at him and saw his face, soft with compassion as he walked

towards me. I opened my mouth to apologize when Krystal, Amy, and Joel walked in behind him,

all four pairs of eyes trained on my face.

I looked at all of them, scared of how they were going to react to my hospitalization and

confused by the smiles on their faces. Why were they smiling at me? My eyes swung over to look

at Krystal. She was my snarky, no-nonsense friend. If anyone was going to give me grief for having

sex and then having a panic attack it would be her. She just smiled at me, a soft, almost sad smile,

but still a smile.

I was so disconcerted that my eyes drifted back over to Hawk and I lifted an eyebrow in

silent query. I needed someone to tell me what was going on and fast.

“Your panic attack was normal,” Hawk began and I snorted in disbelief. Did he really

expect me to believe that? There was nothing normal about having a panic attack after having

some guy’s cock in your ass.

“It was, Kels!” Amy stated emphatically, rushing over to grab my hand. I looked at her and

then back at Hawk.

“Explain,” I demanded, wanting to know what the hell he was talking about.

“The doctor said that with your history of panic attacks, any big change would induce an

anxious feeling. I would think that losing your virginity is a big change. Besides that, every virgin

has the 'what the fuck did I do? I totally made the wrong choice here' conversation with

themselves,” Hawk informed me gently.

I looked over at Krystal, knowing again that she wouldn’t bullshit me and saw her laugh

and nod her head. “I had my first orgasm with Joel, but when I lost my virginity, I didn’t orgasm,

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I freaked out the entire time. I was scared my parents were going to catch us, I was scared I was

going to get pregnant, I was scared the guy wouldn’t like me anymore now that he’d gotten what

he wanted—“

I must have winced at that point, though I can’t be sure of the faces that I make at any given

time. The muscles in my face tend to have a mind of their own at the most embarrassing of

moments. The only reason I knew that I must have made some sort of facial tick was because of

the reactions of the others. The chorus of “aawws” and “oh honeys” and “seriously?” had my gaze

darting from person to person around the hospital room.

“You really thought that about me?” Hawk asked softly, his eyebrows pulled down into a

frown as he looked at me.

“I-I-I mean I don’t really know you all that well, Hawk. We only met yesterday and we

went out and we had dinner and we fucked. How was I supposed to know that you weren’t only

after a really good fuck… or a really bad fuck, since I’m sure that I wasn’t really all that good my

first time. I didn’t want to think it about you,” I quickly amended when I saw his face grow pink,

though whether it was from hurt or anger I just wasn’t sure. I didn’t want him to be sad or angry

with me, I didn’t want to hurt him, but he’d asked and so I was answering. “I just—I don’t know

you and so I don’t know what to think.”

Hawk nodded and opened his mouth to say something else when another man walked into

the room. Taller than me, he stood around six feet, with brown hair, green eyes, a very slim frame,

and a nose that looked like he’d gone a few rounds with a boxer and lost. Badly. I didn’t just think

him unattractive because he walked into the room, saw Hawk and gasped out his name. It wasn’t

even because of the fact that Hawk returned his gasp and looked at me sheepishly before asking

“Andy” what he was doing there. No, he really was unattractive, seriously. This is not jealousy

talking. This is fact.

Fine. Don’t believe me.

I narrowed my eyes at Andy, my fucking doctor, and then turned to glare at Hawk, the man

I’d just gotten through being fucked by a scant few hours before. Hawk looked guilty, ashamed,

as if he wanted to be anywhere other than where he was at that moment. While Andy, and yeah, I

thought that in a mocking tone, looked as if he wanted to climb my boyfr—Hawk’s body and ride

his dick through the lands of Mordor. Yes, that was a Lord of the Rings reference, what do you

want from me? I’ve read it fifteen times.

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I could feel the tension vibrating in the air between Hawk and Andy and I wanted to vomit.

It was the same tension my ex and one of his many tricks had whenever I was in the same area as

them. This was some really shitty karma, it really was. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was being

punished for, but I was ready to say my fifty Hail Marys and be done with it.

“And who the fuck are you?” Krystal asked, folding her arms across her chest.

Andy cleared his throat and looked away from Hawk long enough to look at Krystal. “I’m

Dr. Andrew Livter.”

“Dr. Liver?” I asked snarkily. Dr. Andrew-I-look-like-I’ve-fucked-the-man-you-thought-

you-might-end-up-with Livter turned to look at me and narrowed his eyes before his face was

wiped clean and he adopted an air of professionalism again. His face was a blank slate,

expressionless, but I knew what he saw when he looked at me and I knew he’d put two-and-two

together and had come up with four. I merely lifted my eyebrow at him as he looked from me to

Hawk and back. The good doctor cleared his throat before stepping towards me.

“It’s Dr. Livter actually. How are you doing Mr. Jeefer?” he asked, deliberately

mispronouncing my name. I smiled at him and shrugged.

“It’s Jeter, you know, like the professional baseball player,” I responded. Dr. I-really-want-

Kelly-to-punch-me-in-my-face Livter sneered at me before wiping his face clean of emotions

again. He was really bad at trying to remain impassive. He should really work on that. Looking at

Hawk’s red face, I knew he was either trying hard not to laugh at our snarking at each other, or he

was growing angry or more embarrassed by our display. Either way, I didn’t really care. If I had

pegged their reactions to each other correctly Hawk and Andrew—god, I now hated that name—

had been together recently or were still together now. Either way, I didn’t like my physician and I

had no plans to stay longer than I had to. I was going to get in a few more jabs, then get discharged

and go back to Manhattan to lick my wounds in private. Not even the besties were invited.

“I don’t watch sports, but okay. Mr. Jeter, let’s talk about your panic attack—” he started

speaking again, his tone bland and lacking feeling. At least he could be professional in his voice

since his face sucked at it.

“Hawk, you said you love sports. What was his name again?” I interrupted Dr. Litver,

turning to Hawk and letting Andrew know that I knew his man. “You mentioned it at dinner last

night.” Knew his man intimately.

“Derek Jeter, New York Yankees,” Hawk replied through gritted teeth.

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“Riiight,” I nodded before turning back to the doctor and folding my hands across my

stomach. I could hear Krystal, Amy, and Joel beside me against the wall snickering into their

hands, but ignored them. If I looked at them I would start laughing and it would ruin the whole

thing. I had to remain deadpanned so that I came across as the naïve new boyfriend. Maybe Andy

would slip up and say something about his relationship with Hawk. I definitely knew that a part of

my brain wanted the good doctor to think I was related to Derek Jeter and I wanted him to know

that Hawk and I had spent time together, lots of time. Even if it wasn’t true. I had to let him know

I was here now. Hawk’s boyfriend—at least in his mind.

Though I knew by this moment that I would never be Hawk’s boyfriend. I didn’t want to

be with someone who already had the drama of a boyfriend they wanted to break up with but didn’t

know how to. I mean I wanted, Andy to see me as the new boyfriend, but the truth was, with the

way he and Hawk kept sneaking glances at each other and at the pinched look on the doctor’s face,

I felt like the other man. As if I were the one Hawk was cheating with. I didn’t like that feeling,

especially as I’d been cheated on. This wasn’t a situation that I’d ever wanted to be in, and I never

wanted to be with someone who made me feel this way. I just wasn’t interested in something like

that. Not even a little bit.

That didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to enjoy fucking with the good doctor.

“Well, Mr. Jeter,” Dr. Andrew cleared his throat, “let’s talk about your panic attack. From

what I understand, this is a chronic condition. Are you on any anti-anxiety medication?”

I rolled my eyes. Damn doctors. They were always trying to stick you on medication, no

matter what your medical issue. My primary care physician tried to stick me on anti-anxiety meds

and I’d turned her down too. I wasn’t going to do that shit. I’d seen what being on medication and

drugs had done to other friends of mine and heard about what they’d done to my birth mother. It

wasn’t a pretty picture, and it most definitely wasn’t something I planned on experiencing for

myself; they’d just have to find a different way. It wasn’t like my panic attacks always put me in

danger, and in New York I didn’t need to drive. I walked everywhere, or else took the bus or a

cab, so there was no danger of me crashing into anything while driving. The panic attacks weren’t

the problem; the asthma was.

“No, I’m not on any and I don’t want to be on any. My asthma is my problem, as is

overthinking and stressing over shit that I have no control over and getting involved with

completely unavailable men. If I could get a handle on those three things I’ll be fine,” I told Dr.

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Andrew, determinedly not looking over in Hawk’s direction. I heard Hawk mutter underneath his

breath, “That would be anxiety, genius,” and rolled my eyes. It was stress, not anxiety, no matter

what Hawk, Krystal, Amy, Joel and my doctors had to say. What did they know anyway?

Dr. Andrew sighed and looked over at Krystal and Amy, who I knew would do nothing but

shrug their shoulders and agree with me. I may have issues, but I was a grown man, and if I made

up my mind about something then my mind was made up.

“Okay. Well, follow up with your psychiatrist back in Manhattan and try to think of a calm

place when you feel yourself starting to get anxious.” Wow, such wise words from the good doctor.

I wonder how long he had to go to medical school to learn that?

“Thanks, doc. So can I get out of here now?” I asked.

“You sure can. I will fill out the discharge paperwork for you and whenever you’re ready

to leave you can,” Dr. Andrew said with a glance at Hawk.

I could tell the good doctor couldn’t wait to talk to Hawk and no doubt grill him about the

twink he was in the room with. Well, I would indulge the needs of both men and make it easier on

them. I was going to walk out with my besties and leave the lovebirds to it. I wasn’t petty by nature

and I couldn’t be for very long when I actually decided to be, but this time I could feel the invisible

line of politeness snapping and knew that I’d be able to be petty for as long as it took me to get

back to Manhattan—and perhaps long after that.

“Well, Hawk, it was nice meeting you and last night was awesome, but I live in Manhattan

and I don’t know when I’ll next be in Asheville. I wish you success in your career and in your

life,” I nodded at him, ignoring the look of shock on his face, and turned to look at Krystal and

Amy, who both looked at me in horror.

“I’m ready to go home. Can one of you go to the hotel and grab my bags? They were

packed up before I left for dinner last night. I want to leave straight from the hospital and get back

to New York.”

Amy nodded before looking over at Krystal and with a dejected sigh, turned and left the

room.

I’d made up my mind. It was time to go home.

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Chapter Seven

Leaving Asheville and returning to Manhattan sucked. I swear I saw Hawk everywhere I

went. Two weeks after leaving him standing open mouthed in the hospital I walked to my

apartment with slow steps, trying to shake off my melancholy. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t

get the damn man out of my fucking head. It was really becoming ridiculous. I was seriously

thinking about asking my therapist to help me with that.

Missing Hawk was bad enough, but the remorse and the guilt I felt over leaving him the

way I had, over my own pettiness, was definitely the worst. It kept me up at night, which resulted

in the lovely dark circles underneath my eyes, caused me to lose weight because I couldn’t eat. I

constantly spoke to Krystal and Amy about how guilty I’d felt over treating Dr. Livter and Hawk

the way I had because of my own jealousy and suspicions. They’d both told me to contact Hawk

and apologize, but I’d been too chicken shit to do so. Maybe I’d do it when I got home, even if the

real reason I’d be calling would be to hear Hawk’s voice. I sighed as I turned the corner where my

apartment sat and thought about the different ways I could drive the thoughts of my first sexual

partner from my mind when I looked up and came to a screeching halt.

Get a fucking grip, Kelly. You have passed beyond ridiculous into fucking insane. Go see

your therapist about this because there’s no way Hawk is here right now.

“I’m glad that Krystal and Amy actually gave me the right address for you,” the illusion

said to me.

Great. Now you’re actually hearing the fake image talk. I wonder if I can get my strait-

jacket with glitter and ribbons.

“Kelly?” the fake Hawk said. “Kels?” I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again,

blinking repeatedly when the image didn’t go away.

“Why are you torturing me? What did I ever do to you? Look, I know that I made a mistake

leaving you in Asheville, but it’s too late now. Besides, we’d only had one date so you shouldn’t

be haunting me now. It’s been two weeks—why won’t you leave me alone?” I muttered as I went

to step through the illusion, hoping that would make it go away.

Hitting a wall of muscle was completely unexpected, as was the feeling of my ass hitting

the pavement. I blinked and looked up at Hawk, who stared down at me in shock even as he held

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out a hand towards me. I reached out my own hand slowly, unblinking and afraid that this time the

image would disappear when I tried to hug it… as I had so many times before.

“Hawk?” I whispered.

“Yeah, Kelly, baby, it’s me,” he responded.

Tears filled my eyes so swiftly that it surprised me. So did launching myself into his arms.

I may have been a drama queen, but I wasn’t so easily given to romantic flights of fancy. The

prince who follows the pauper to his home in the cement jungle just to declare his love for him?

Yeah, that kind of shit I never expected to receive for myself. And yes, I know that if Hawk

declared his love for me I’d have him committed, but I didn’t really need him to declare his lust

for me, he’d already done that. I just needed him to—wait, what was he doing here?

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked even as I tightened my arms around his neck

and my legs around his hips. When the fuck did that happen?

Hawk turned towards the front door of my apartment and taking the keys from my hand,

opened the door and headed up the stairs towards 3A. My place was larger than people thought it

should be. Stories abound about how small Manhattan apartments are, but I had a good job and I

made excellent money. I also invested wisely, rarely ate outside of my home, and only took the

required trips outside of the city. So I had money and I used that money to have a nice, big, spacious

Manhattan apartment with nice furniture and a huge ass 64-inch television. I didn’t watch much

television, but when I did, I liked to see everything.

Hawk sat down on the couch, with me still wrapped around him like a monkey, and sighed.

He ran his fingers through my hair, his eyes soft as he watched the strands fall back to my shoulder.

I watched him as he watched me and opened my mouth to ask him what he was doing in New

York again when he finally started talking.

“I left Asheville and moved to New York about two years ago,” he told me. I gasped and

my eyes widened. Hawk lived in New York? Then why had he stayed behind in Asheville? What

was he doing there? And dear god, why did it take him so long to come and see me? I watched as

his eyes took on a distant look before he continued.

“I go back and visit my grandmother every few months and got involved with a lot of the

different running, bicycling, and marathon events that happen there. That’s how I met Krystal and

Amy. They showed up about two years ago to get things ready for the Dirty Girl event this year.

We started talking and hanging out. I told them I was gay and they told me about their friend, Kelly

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Jeter, who was dating an asshole who didn’t appreciate him and how the two of us would be perfect

for each other.” Hawk paused and looked in my eyes. The intensity that I saw there amazed me,

and I realized that Hawk had known about me for a year, when I’d known nothing. Could it be that

he really did like me and not just the fact that I was an easy piece of ass?

“They showed me pictures of you and I thought you were the most beautiful man I’d ever

seen in my life. Then one day Krystal called you on the phone and I got to hear your voice. I was

addicted to your voice instantly and when they told me that you worked in Manhattan, I knew that

I had to find you.”

I blinked at him. “So, you’ve been stalking me for a year?” I asked.

Hawk frowned at me and then burst into laughter. “No,” he gasped. “I met you in Asheville

before I could start and we had our date—”

“—And I lost my virginity to you, had a panic attack in your car on the way back to the

hotel, and then ditched you at the hospital,” I finished for him.

“Yeah.” Hawk sighed. “You giving me your virginity is the greatest gift anyone has ever

given me. And your panic attack afterwards was very justified actually. You leaving me in the

hospital before I got a chance to tell you about Andrew wasn’t very cool though.”

At the reminder of why I had left in the first place, I started to push away from Hawk. His

arms tightened around my waist even as I struggled against them.

“Andrew is my ex-boyfriend and the reason I left Asheville two years ago,” Hawk said

loudly. I froze at his words and looked up from the hands I’d placed on his chest in an effort to

push myself away and stared into his eyes.

“Andrew and I had been together for three years and one day I got off work early, went to

visit him at home, and discovered the entire three years had been a lie. He’d been involved with

another guy for six years and they didn’t live together, just like we didn’t live together. When I

showed up they’d apparently just moved in together. There were still boxes everywhere, so when

I walked in, I thought that Andrew was taking me up on my offer to move in with me. I was excited

and went to look for him, but I didn't make it very far. Andrew and this other guy were having sex

in the hallway leading to the bedroom, whispering about how much they loved each other.”

I ran my fingers through Hawk’s hair, trying to soothe him while trying not to preen at the

fact that Andrew really was an asshole and I’d been right to treat him like a douchebag.

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“I stood there for a long time, not really processing anything until they both came and

Andrew saw me and gasped my name. I wanted to hit him so bad. I really did, but I didn’t. I just

walked over to his boyfriend, put my key to Andrew’s place in his hand, and turned and walked

out. I didn’t even think. I just went home and started packing.” Hawk shook his head as he sighed.

“I had my entire house packed up within three days, the whole time ignoring phone calls, text

messages, emails, tweets and ‘I’m sorry’ deliveries from Andrew. I called my boss and told him

that I needed to transfer to New York. I’d been with them for so long and been such a good agent

that despite not being able to get the information out of me, he still went to bat for me and got me

transferred up here.”

Hawk leaned forward slightly and kissed my lips gently before leaning back again. “The

night I brought you to the hospital after you passed out in my car, Andrew wasn’t there. Trust me,

I didn’t want to see him as much as you didn’t like seeing him. But he is a doctor there and yes,

he’s single and yes, after you left he tried to get me back, but the thing is, Kelly, I’ve spent a year

getting to know all about you, thinking about you, wondering about you. Then I spent an entire

night finding out that everything I’d been told about you was right on the money.

“I'd figured you were a nice guy, though your friends might have exaggerated all of the

amazing things they said about you. But they hadn’t, and I knew that from the first time we talked.”

He shook his head and kissed me again. “I may be slow sometimes, but I’m not stupid. What we

experienced when we made love was amazing and something I’ve never felt before. I know a lot

about you from Krystal and Amy, but I want to know everything and I want you to know

everything about me. I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity with you. I want to see where this

goes. Give me a chance to show you that I’m not a horrible person.”

I sat on Hawk’s lap and stared into his eyes, wondering if I was ready to attempt another

relationship. Granted, Hawk seemed to know a lot about me, and we’d already had sex once and

knew we were amazing together so there was no mystery there, but is this what I wanted? Did I

want to start something with someone my besties had introduced me to with the express purpose

of spending forever with him? I wasn’t sure that I believe in the whole forever thing and Hawk

seemed as if he did. Besides, he was someone with a cheating ex and all the baggage that brought

to a new relationship. Didn’t I have enough baggage for the both of us in that area? Could I be

with someone who brought extra drama to my life?

Someone who knew about my quirks and still wanted me anyway?

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I smiled at him, knowing the answer to his unspoken question before he’d even asked it. “I

would love to see where this goes between us, Hawk. I want to know everything about you,

especially why your parents named you Hawk.” He laughed and I joined in, my heart feeling the

lightest it had in two weeks.

“Well, my parents were in the Navy and—”

I put my hands over his lips and shook my head. Lowering my hand down to the tight,

black shirt he wore that barely contained his rippling muscles, I pulled it over his head. I then

reached down to the hem on my gray sweatshirt and pulled that off, showing him that I had no

shirt underneath. I rose from his lap, took his hand in mine, and started walking back towards my

bedroom.

“Tell me later. After you show me that our first time together wasn’t a fluke,” I taunted

him. “That you still have those same skills in the bedroom and it’s not just limited to your car.”

Hawk growled and lifted me into his arms before carrying me to the bed and showing me

exactly why I hadn't been able get him out of my head the whole two weeks we’d been apart.

I didn’t know what was going to happen to us, but I knew I would definitely enjoy the ride.

And as soon as I finally let Hawk out of bed, days later, I took my besties out to lunch to thank

them. Hate to say it, but those bitches were right: Hawk and I are perfect for each other.

About the Author

Vicktor Alexander “Vic” wrote his first story at the age of ten about his youngest sister and

her destruction of the world…with her breath. Vic now enjoys writing about shifters, humanoids,

cowboys, firemen, rent boys, fairies, elves, dancers, doctors, Doms, Subs, and anything else that

catches his fancy, all sexy men falling in love with each other and having lots of naughty, dirty,

man-on-man sex. Already a bestselling author of The Tate Pack Series, Vic has his eyes on the

stories that erase the lines of tradition and focus instead on love in all its many forms. A huge fan

of the “happily-ever-after” ending, he writes his characters all riding off into the proverbial sunset,

sexually satisfied, and in love, all bearing the scars of fighting for that love, just like in real life.

No consistent fluff themes here, Vic’s stories can be slightly gritty, dark, and hard hitting, but the

reason for that is that, to Vic, love is sweeter when it’s been fought for and won. Never satisfied

with only one genre, every book that Vic writes falls into more than one category and has each

main character experiencing more than one orgasm, which is something Vic is very used to hearing

in his real life.

Out and proud, Vic does not believe that love only comes in one form, one race, one gender,

and that not only is gender fluid, by sexuality as well. Vic loves to make people laugh, and when

he’s not writing, or rather, procrastinating in writing, he’s reading, playing the Sims 3, hanging

out with his very supportive adopted family, or being distracted from his writing by drooling over

pictures of John Barrowman, Scott Hoying, Charlie David, and Shemar Moore.

Vicktor loves to hear from his readers. You may contact him at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/groups/VicktorAlexander.

You can also find him chattering away on social media sites and teasing readers (in the most

deliciously, viral way possible) on his website: