Harden
(TheseventhbookintheLongTallTexansseries)
Anovelby
ChapterOne
Thebarwasn'tcrowded.Hardenwishedithadbeen,sothathecouldhaveblendedinbetter.Hewas
theonlycustomerinbootsandaStetson,evenifhewaswearinganexpensivegraysuitwiththem.
Butthethingwas,hestoodout,andhedidn'twantto.
Abeefproducers'conferencewasbeingheldatthisuptownhotelinChicago,wherehe'dbookeda
luxurysuitefortheduration.Hewasgivingaworkshoponanimprovedmethodofcrossbreeding.
Notthathe'dwantedto;hisbrotherEvanhadvolunteeredhim,andithadbeentoolatetobackoutby
thetimeHardenfoundout.Ofhisthreebrothers,Evanwastheonehewasclosestto.Undertheother
man'sgood-naturedkiddingwasatemperevenhotterthanHarden'sandaferocityofspiritthatmade
himakeenally.
Hardensippedhisdrink,feelinghisalonenesskeenly.Hedidn'tfitinwellwithmostpeople.Evenhis
in-lawsfoundhimparticularlydisturbingasadinnercompanion,andheknewit.Sometimesitwas
difficultjusttogetthroughtheday.Hefeltincomplete;asifsomethingcrucialwasmissinginhislife.
He'dcomedownheretotheloungetogethismindofftheemptiness.Buthefeltevenmorealoneas
helookedaroundhimatthelaughing,happycoupleswhofilledtheroom.Hisflintypaleblueeyes
glitteredatanolderwomannearbymakingaplayforaman.Sameoldstory.Boredhousewife,
handsomestranger,aone-nightfling.Hisownmothercouldhavewrittenabookonthatsubject.He
wastheresultofheramorousfling,theonlyoutsiderinafamilyoffourboys.Everybodyknew
Hardenwasillegitimate.Itdidn'tbotherhimsomuchanymore,buthishatredofthefemalesex,like
hiscontemptforhismother,hadneverdwindled.Andtherewasanotherreason,anevenmorepainful
one,whyhecouldneverforgivehismother.Itwasmuchmoredamningthanthefactofhis
illegitimacy,andhepushedthethoughtofittothebackofhismind.Yearshadpassed,butthe
memorystillcutlikeasharpknife.Itwaswhyhehadn'tmarried.Itwaswhyheprobablyneverwould.
Twoofhisbrothersweremarried.Donald,theyoungestTremayne,hadsuccumbedfouryearsago.
Connalhadgiveninlastyear.Evanwasstillsingle.HeandHardenweretheonlybachelorsleft.
Theodora,theirmother,didherbesttothroweligiblewomenatthem.Evanenjoyedthem.Hardendid
not.
Hehadnouseforwomenthesedays.Atonetime,he'devenconsideredbecomingaminister.That
hadgonethewayofmostboyishdreams.Hewasamannow,andhadhisshareofresponsibilityfor
theTremayneranch.Besides,he'dneverreallyfeltthecallingforthecloth.Orforanythingelse.A
silverylaughcaughthisattentionandheglancedatthedoorway.Despitehishostilitytowardanything
inskirts,hecouldn'ttearhiseyesaway.Shewasbeautiful.Themostbeautifulcreaturehe'deverseen
inhislife.Shehadlong,wavyblackhairhalfwaydownherback.Herfigurewasexquisite,perfectly
formedfromthesmallthrustofherhighbreaststothenipped-inwaistofhersilvercocktaildress.
Herlegswereencasedinhose,andtheywereasperfectastherestofher.Helethisgazeslidebackup
tohercreamycomplexionwithjusttherighttouchofmakeup,andheallowedhimselftowonder
whatcolorhereyeswere.
Asifsensinghisscrutiny,herheadabruptlyturnedfromthemanwithher,andhesawthathereyes
matchedherdress.Theywerethepurestsilver,anddespitethesmileandthehappyexpression,they
werethesaddesteyeshe'deverseen.
Sheseemedtofindhimasfascinatingashefoundher.Shestaredathimopenly,hereyeslingeringon
hislong,leanfacewithitspaleblueeyesandjet-blackhairandeyebrows.Afteraminute,sherealized
thatshewasstaringandsheavertedherface.
Theysatdownatatablenearhim.Thewomanhadobviouslybeendrinkingalready,becauseshewas
loud.
“Isn'tthisfun?"shewassaying."Goodness,Sam,Ineverrealizedthatalcoholtastedsonice!
Timneverdrank."
"Youhavetostopthinkingabouthim,"theothermansaidfirmly."Havesomepeanuts."
"I’mnotanelephant,"shesaidvehemently.
"Willyoustop?Mindy,youmightatleastpretendthatyou'reimproving."
"Ido.Ipretendfrommorninguntilnight,haven'tyounoticed?"
"Listen,I'vegotto—"Therewasasuddenbeepingsound.Themanmutteredsomethingandshutit
off."Damntheluck!I'llhavetofindaphone.I'llberightback,Mindy."Mindy.Thenamesuitedher
somehow.Hardentwistedhisshotglassinhishandashestudiedherbackandwonderedwhatthe
nicknamewasshortfor.
Sheturnedslightly,watchinghercompaniondialanumberatapayphone.Thehappyexpression
wentintoeclipseandshelookedalmostdesperate,herfacedrawnandsomber.Hercompanion,
meanwhile,hadfinishedhisphonecallandwascheckinghiswatchevenasherejoinedher.
"Damn,"hecursedagain,"I'vegotacall.I'llhavetogotothehospitalrightaway.I'lldropyouoffon
theway."
"Noneed,Sam,"shereplied."I'llphoneJoanandhavehertakemehome.Yougoahead."
"Areyousureyouwanttogobacktotheapartment?Youknowyou'rewelcometostaywithme."
"Iknow.You'vebeenverykind,butit'stimeIwentback."
"Youdon'tmindcallingJoan?"headdedreluctantly."Yourapartmentistenminutesoutofmyway,
andeverysecondcountsinanemergency."
"Go!"shesaid."Honest,I'mokay."
Hegrimaced."Allright.I'llphoneyoulater."
Hebent,butHardennoticedthathekissedheronthecheek,notthelips.
Shewatchedhimgowithsomethingborderingonrelief.Oddreaction,Hardenthought,forawoman
whowasobviouslydatingaman.
SheturnedabruptlyandsawHardenwatchingher.Withasultrylaughshepickedupthepinacolada
she'dorderedandgottoherfeet.ShemovedfluidlytoHarden'stableandwithoutwaitingforan
invitation,shesatdown,sprawlinglanguidlyinthechairacrossfromhim.Hergazewasasdirectas
his,curiousandcautious.
"You'vebeenstaringatme,"shesaid.
"You'rebeautiful,"hereturnedwithoutinflection."Awalkingworkofart.Iexpecteveryonestares."
Sheliftedbotheleganteyebrows,clearlysurprised."You'reveryforthright."
"Blunt,"hecorrected,liftinghisglassinacynicalsalutebeforehedrainedit."Idon'tbeataroundthe
bush."
"NeitherdoI.Doyouwantme?"
Hecockedhishead,notsurprised,evenifhewasoddlydisappointed."Excuseme?"Sheswallowed.
"Doyouwanttogotobedwithme?"sheasked.Hisbroadshouldersroseandfell."Notparticularly,"
hesaidsimply."Butthanksfortheoffer."
"Iwasn'toffering,"shereplied."IwasgoingtotellyouthatI'mnotthatkindofwoman.See?"She
profferedherlefthand,displayingaweddingbandandanengagementring.Hardenfeltahotstirring
insidehim.Shewasmarried.Well,whathadheexpected?Abeautylikethatwouldbemarried,of
course.Andshewasoutwithamanwhowasn'therhusband.Contemptkindledinhiseyes.
"Isee,"herepliedbelatedly.
Mindysawthecontemptandithurt."Areyou...married?"shepersisted.
"Nobodybraveenoughforthatjob,"hereturned.Hiseyesnarrowedandhesmiledcoldly."I'mhell
onthenerves,orsotheytellme."
"Awomanizer,youmean?"
Heleanedforward,hispaleblueeyesascoldastheicetheyresembled."Awomanhater."Thewayhe
saiditmadeherskinchill.Sherubbedwarmhandsoverherupperarms."Oh."
"Doesn'tyourhusbandmindyougoingoutwithothermen?"heaskedmockingly.
"Myhusband...died,"shebitofftheword.Shetookasuddendeepsipofherdrinkandthenanother,
herbrowsdrawntogether."Threeweeksago."Herfacecontortedsuddenly."Ican'tbearit!"Shegot
upandrushedoutofthebar,herpurseforgotteninherdesperatehaste.Hardenknewthelookhe'd
justseeninhereyes.Heknewthesound,aswell.Itbroughthimtohisfeetinaninstant.Hecrammed
hertinypurseintohispocket,paidforhisdrink,andwentrightoutbehindher.
Itdidn'ttakehimlongtofindher.Therewasabridgenearby,overtheChicagoRiver.Shewas
leaningoverit,herposturestiffandsuggestiveassheheldtherails.Hardenmovedtowardherwith
quick,hardstrides,noticinghersuddenshockedglanceinhisdirection.
"Oh,hell,no,youdon't,"hesaidroughlyandabruptlydraggedherawayfromtherails.Heshookher
once,hard."Pullyourselftogether,forGod'ssake!Thisisstupid!"Sheseemedtorealizethenwhere
shewas.Shelookedatthewaterbelowandshivered.
"I...wouldn'treallyhavedoneit.Idon'tthinkIwould,"shestammered."It'sjustthatit'ssohard,togo
on.Ican'teat,Ican'tsleep...!"
"Committingsuicideisn'ttheanswer,"hesaidstubbornly.Hereyesglitteredlikemoonlitwaterinher
tragicfaceasshelookedupathim."Whatis?"
"Lifeisn'tperfect,"hesaid."Tonight,thisminute,isallwereallyhave.Noyesterdays.Notomorrows.
There'sonlythepresent.Everythingelseisamemoryoradaydream."Shewipedhereyeswitha
beautifullymanicuredhand,hernailspalestpinkagainstherfaintlytannedskin."Todayispretty
horrible."
"Putonefootforwardatatime.Livefromoneminutetothenext.You'llgetthrough."
"LosingTimwasterribleenough,yousee,"shesaid,tryingtoexplain."ButIwaspregnant.Ilostthe
babyintheaccident,too.Iwas...Iwasdriving."Shelookedup,herfaceterrible."Theroadwasslick
andIlostcontrolofthecar.Ikilledhim!IkilledmybabyandIkilledTim...!"Hetookherbythe
shoulders,fascinatedbythefeelofhersoftskinevenasheregisteredthethinnessofthem."God
decidedthatitwashistimetodie,"Hardencorrected.
"Thereisn'taGod!"shewhispered,herfacewhitewithpainandrememberedanguish.
"Yes,thereis,"hesaidsoftly.Hisbroadchestroseandfell."Comeon."
"Whereareyoutakingme?"
"Home."
"No!"
Shewaspullingagainsthishand."Iwon'tgobacktheretonight,Ican't!Hehauntsme...."Hestopped.
Hiseyessearchedherfacequietly."Idon'twantyouphysically.Butyoucanstaywithmetonight,if
youlike.There'sasparebedandyou'llbesafe."Hecouldn'tbelievehewasmakingtheoffer.He,who
hatedwomen.Buttherewassomethingsoterriblyfragileabouther.Shewasn'tsober,andhedidn't
wanthertryingsomethingstupid.Itwouldlieheavilyonhisconscience;atleast,thatwaswhathetold
himselftojustifyhisinterest.Shestaredathimquietly."I'mastranger."
"SoamI."
Shehesitated."MynameisMirandaWarren,"shesaidfinally.
"HardenTremayne.You'renotastrangeranymore.Comeon."Shelethimguideherbacktothehotel,
herstepsnotquitesteady.Shelookedupathimcuriously.Hewaswearinganexpensivehatandsuit.
Evenhisbootslookedexpensive.Hermindwasstillwhirling,butshehadenoughsenselefttorealize
thathemightthinkshewastargetinghimbecausehehadmoney.
"Ishouldgotomyownapartment,"shesaidhesitantly.
"Why?"
Hewasblunt.Sowasshe."Becauseyoulookverywell-to-do.I'masecretary.Timwasareporter.I'm
notatallwealthy,andIdon'twantyoutogetthewrongideaaboutme."
"Itoldyou,Idon'twantawomantonight,"hesaidirritably.
"Itisn'tjustthat."Sheshiftedrestlessly."YoumightthinkIdeliberatelystagedallthistorobyou."
Hiseyebrowsrose."Whatanintriguingthought,"hemurmureddryly.
"Yes,isn'tit?"shesaidwryly."ButifIwereplanninganysuchthing,I'dpicksomeonewholooked
lessdangerous."
Hesmiledfaintly."Afraidofme?"heaskeddeeply.
Shesearchedhishardface."IhaveafeelingIshouldbe.But,no,I'mnot.You'vebeenverykind.Ijust
hadamoment'spanic.Iwouldn'treallyhavethrownmyselfoffthebridge,youknow.Ihategetting
wet."Sheshifted."Ireallyshouldgohome."
"Youreallyshouldcomewithme,"hereplied."Iwon'trest,wonderingifyou'vegotanotherbridge
pickedout.Comeon.Idon'tthinkyou'reawould-bethief,andI'mtired."
"Areyousure?"sheasked.
Henodded."I'msure."
Shelethimleadherintothehotelandaroundtotheelevator.Itwasoneofthebesthotelsinthecity,
andhewentstraightuptotheluxurysuites.Heunlockedthedoorandletherin.Therewasahuge
sittingroomthatledoffineitherdirectiontotwoseparatebedrooms.Evanhadplannedtocomeup
withHardenfromTexas.Atthelastminute,though,there'dbeenanemergencyandEvanhadstayed
behindtohandleit.
Mirandabegantofeelnervous.Shereallyknewnothingaboutthisman,andsheknewshewasoutof
control.Buttherewassomethinginhiseyesthatreassuredher.Hewasastrongman.Hepositively
radiatedstrength,andsheneededthattonight.Neededsomeonetoleanon,someonetotakecareof
her,justthisonce.Timhadbeenmorechildthanhusband,alwaysexpectinghertohandlethings.
Bills,telephonecallsaboutbrokenappliances,thecheckbook,groceries,drycleaning,housekeeping
—allthathadbeenMiranda'sjob.Timworkedandcamehomeandwatchedtelevision,andthen
expectedsexondemand.Mirandahadn'tlikedsex.Itwasanunpleasantdutythatshetriedtoperform
withthesameresignationthatsheappliedtoallherotherchores.Timknew,ofcoursehedid.She'd
gottenpregnant,andTimhadn'tlikedit.Hefoundherrepulsivepregnant.Thathadbeenan
unexpectedbenefit.Butnowtherewasnopregnancy.Herhandwenttoherstomachandherface
contorted.She'dlostherbaby....
"Stopthat,"Hardensaidunexpectedly,hispaleblueeyesflashingatherwhenhesawtheexpression
onherface."Agonizingoveritisn'tgoingtochangeonedamnedthing."Hetossedhishotelkeyon
thecoffeetableandmotionedherintoachair."Ikeepapotofcoffeeon.Wouldyoulikeacup?"
"Yes,please,"shesaidwithresignation.Sheslumpeddownintothechair,feelingasifallthelifehad
drainedoutofher."Icangetit,"sheaddedquickly,startingtorise.Hefrowned."I'mperfectlycapable
ofpouringcoffee,"hesaidshortly.
"Sorry,"shesaidwithashysmile."I'musedtowaitingonTim."Hesearchedhereyes."Hadyou
trained,didhe?"heasked.Shegasped.
Heturned."Black,ordoyoulikesomethinginit?"
"I...Ilikeitblack,"shestammered.
"Good.There'snocream."
She'dneverbeeninahotelpenthousebefore.Itwasbeautiful.Itoverlookedthelakeandthe
beachfront,andshedidn'tlikethinkingaboutwhatitmusthavecost.Shegottoherfeetandwalkeda
littleunsteadilytothepatiodoorthatoverlookedChicagoatnight.Shewantedtogooutsideandgeta
breathofair,butshecouldn'tgettheslidingdoortowork.
"Oh,forGod'ssake,notagain!"cameacurt,angrydeepvoicefrombehindher.Lean,stronghands
caughtherwaistfrombehind,liftingandturninghereffortlesslybeforehefrog-marchedherbackto
herchairandsatherdowninit."Nowstayput,"hesaidshortly."Iamnothavinganymoreleaping
episodestonight,doyouunderstandme?"
Sheswallowed.Hewasverytall,andextremelyintimidating.She'dalwaysmanagedtomanipulate
Timwhenhehadbadmoods,butthismandidn'tlookasifhewascontrollableanywayatall."Yes,"
shesaidthroughtightlips."ButIwasn'tgoingtojump.Ijustwantedtoseetheview—"Hecutheroff.
"Here.Drinkthis.Itwon'tsoberyouup,butitmightlightenyourmoodabit."Hepushedacupand
saucertowardher.Thesmellofstrongcoffeedriftedupintohernostrilsassheliftedthecup.
"Careful,"hesaid."Don'tspillitonthatprettydress."
"It'sold,"sherepliedwithasadsmile."Myclotheshavetolastyears.TimwasfuriousthatIwasted
moneyonthisone,butIwantedjustonenicedress."
Hesatdownacrossfromherandleanedback,crossinghislonglegsbeforehelitacigaretteand
draggedanashtraycloser."Ifyoudon'tlikethesmoke,I'llturntheairconditioningup,"heoffered.
"Idon'tmindit,"shereplied."Iusedtosmoke,butTimmademequit.Hedidn'tlikeit."Hardenwas
gettingapictureofthelateTimthathedidn'tlike.Heblewoutacloudofsmoke,hiseyesrakingher
face,absorbingthefragilityinit."Whatkindofsecretaryareyou?"
"Legal,"shesaid."Iworkforafirmofattorneys.It'sagoodjob.I'maparalegalnow.Itooknight
coursestolearnit.Idoalotoflegworkandresearchingalongwithtypingupbriefsandsuch.Itgives
mesomefreedom,becauseI'mnotchainedtoadeskallday."
"Themanyouwerewithtonight..."
"Sam?"Shelaughed."Itisn'tlikethat.Samismybrother."Hiseyebrowsarched."Yourbrothertakes
youondrinkingsprees?"
"Samisadoctor,andhehardlydrinksatall.HeandJoan—mysister-in-law—havebeenlettingme
staywiththemsince...sincetheaccident.ButtonightIwasgoinghome.I'djustcomefromanoffice
party.Icertainlydidn'tfeellikeaparty,butIgotdraggedinbecauseeveryonethoughtafewdrinks
mightmakemefeelbetter.Theydid.Butoneofmyco-workersthoughtIwasfeelingtoomuchbetter
soshecalledSamtocomeandgetme.ThenIwantedtocomehereandtryapinacoladaandSam
humoredmebecauseIthreatenedtomakeascene."Shesmiled."Samisverystraitlaced.He'sa
surgeon."
"Youdon'tfavoreachother."
Shelaughed,anditwaslikesilverybellsalloveragain."Helookslikeourfather.Ilooklikeour
mother'smother.Therearejustthetwoofus.Ourparentsweremiddle-agedwhentheymarriedand
hadus.TheydiedwithinsixmonthsofeachotherwhenSamwasstillinmedicalschool.He'sten
yearsolderthanIam,yousee.Hepracticallyraisedme."
"Hiswifedidn'tmind?"
"Oh,no,"shesaid,rememberingJoan'skindnessandmaternalinstincts."Theycan'thavechildrenof
theirown.JoanalwayssaidIwasmorelikeherdaughterthanhersister-in-law.She'sbeenverygood
tome."
Hecouldn'timagineanybodynotbeinggoodtoher.Shewasn'tlikethewomenhe'dknowninthepast.
Thisoneseemedtohaveaheart.Anddespiteherwidowedstatus,therewassomethingveryinnocent
abouther,almostnaive.
"Yousaidyourhusbandwasareporter,"hesaidwhenhe'dfinishedhiscoffee.Shenodded."Hedid
sports.Football,mostly."Shesmiledapologetically."Ihatefootball."Hechuckledfaintlyandtook
anotherdrawfromhiscigarette."SodoI."
Hereyeswidened."Really?Ithoughtallmenlovedit."
Heshookhishead."Ilikebaseball."
"Idon'tmindthat,"sheagreed."AtleastIunderstandtherules."Shesippedhercoffeeandstudiedhim
overtherimofthecup."Whatdoyoudo,Mr.Tremayne?"
"Harden,"hecorrected."Ibuyandsellcattle.MybrothersandIownaranchdowninJacobsville,
Texas."
"Howmanybrothersdoyouhave?"
"Three."Thequestionmadehimuncomfortable.Theyweren'treallyhisbrothers,theywerehishalf
brothers,buthedidn'twanttogetintospecificslikethat.Notnow.Heturnedhiswristandglancedat
histhingoldwatch."It'smidnight.We'dbettercallitaday.There'sasparebedroomthroughthere,"
heindicatedwithacarelesshand."Andalockonthedoor,ifitmakesyoufeelmoresecure."She
shookherhead,hergentleeyessearchinghishardface."I'mnotafraidofyou,"shesaidquietly.
"You'vebeenverykind.Ihopethatsomeday,someoneiskindtoyouwhenyouneedhelp."
Hispaleeyesnarrowed,glittered."I'mnotlikelytoneedit,andIdon'twantthanks.Gotobed,
Cinderella."
Shestoodup,feelinglost."Goodnight,then."
Heonlynodded,busycrushingouthiscigarette."Oh.Bytheway,youleftthisbehind."Hepulledher
tinypursefromhisjacketpocketandtossedittoher.Herpurse!Inherdesperateflight,she'd
forgottenallaboutit."Thankyou,"shesaid.
"Noproblem.Goodnight."Headdedthatlastbitveryfirmlyandshedidn'tstoptoargue.Shewent
quicklyintothebedroom—itwasalmostaslargeasthewholeofthelittlehouseshelivedin—and
shequietlyclosedthedoor.Shedidn'thaveanythingtosleepinexceptherslip,butthatwouldn't
matter.Shewastiredtodeath.
Itwasn'tuntilshewasalmostasleepthatsherememberednobodywouldknowwhereshewas.She
hadn'tcalledJoantocomeandgether,asshe'dpromisedSamshewould,andshehadn'tphonedher
brothertoleaveanymessage.Well,nobodywouldmissherforafewhours,shewassure.Sheclosed
hereyesandletherselfdriftofftosleep.Forthefirsttimesincetheaccident,shesleptsoundly,and
withoutnightmares.
ChapterTwo
Mirandaawokeslowly,thesunlightpouringinthroughthewispycurtainsanddriftingacrossher
sleepyface.Shestretchedlazilyandhereyesopened.Shefrowned.Shewasinastrangeroom.Shesat
upinhernylonslipandstaredaroundher,vaguelyawareofanaggingacheinherhead.Sheputa
handtoit,pushingbackherdisheveleddarkhairashermemorybegantofilterthroughherconfused
thoughts.
Shegotupquicklyandpulledherdressoverherhead,zippingitevenasshesteppedintohershoes
andlookedaroundforherpurse.Theclockonthebedsidetablesaideighto'clockandshewasdueat
workinthirtyminutes.Shegroaned.She'dnevermakeit.Shehadtogetacabandgetbacktoher
apartment,changeandfixhermakeup—shewasgoingtobelate!
SheopenedthedoorandexplodedintothesittingroomtofindHardeninjeansandayellowdesigner
T-shirt,justliftingthelidoffwhatsmelledlikebaconandeggs.
"Justintime,"hemused,glancingather."Sitdownandhavesomethingtoeat."
"Oh,Ican't,"shewailed."Ihavetobeatworkateight-thirty,andIstillhavetogettomyapartment
andchange,andlookatme!Peoplewillstare...!"
Hecalmlyliftedthetelephonereceiverandhandedittoher."Callyourofficeandtellthemyou'vegot
aheadacheandyouwon'tbeinuntilnoon."
"They'llfireme!"shewailed.
"Theywon't.Dial!"
Shedid,automatically.Hehadthatkindofabrasivemasculinitythatseemedtodominatewithout
consciouseffort,andsherespondedtoitassheimaginedmostotherpeopledid.ShegotDeeatthe
officeandexplainedtheheadache.Deelaughed,murmuringsomethingabouttherebeingalotof
tardinessthatmorningbecauseoftheofficepartythenightbefore.They'dexpectheratnoon,she
addedandhungup.
"Nobodywassurprised,"shesaid,staringblanklyatthephone.
"Officepartieswreakhavoc,"heagreed."Callyourbrothersohewon'tworryaboutyou."She
hesitated.
"Somethingwrong?"heasked.
"WhatdoItellhim?"sheaskedworriedly,nibblingherlowerlip."'Hi,Sam,I'vejustspentthenight
withatotalstranger'?"
Hechuckledsoftly."Thatwasn'twhatIhadinmind."
Sheshookherhead."I'llthinkofsomethingasIgo."ShedialedSam'shomenumberandgothim
insteadofJoan."Sam?"
"Wherethedevilareyou?"herbrotherraged.
"I'mattheCarltonArms,"shesaid."Look,I'mlateforworkandit'salongstory.I'lltellyou
everythinglater,Ipromise..."
"You'lldamnedwelltellmeeverythingnow!"
Hardenheldouthishandandsheputthephoneintoit,awareofthemocking,amusedlookonhis
hardface.
Shemovedtowardthebreakfasttrolley,absentlyawareoftheabrupt,quietexplanationhewasgiving
herbrother.Shewonderedifhewasalwayssocoolandincontrol,andreasonedthatheprobably
was.Sheliftedthelidoffoneofthedishesandsniffedthedeliciousbacon.He'dorderedbreakfastfor
two,andshewasawareofaneedlinghunger.
"Hewantstotalktoyou,"Hardensaid,holdingoutthephone.
Shetookit."Sam?"shebeganhesitantly.
"It'sallright,"hereplied,pacified."You'reapparentlyingoodhands.Justpureluck,ofcourse,"he
addedangrily."Youcan'tpullastuntlikethatagain.I'llhaveaheartattack."
"Iwon't.Ipromise,"shesaid."Nomoreofficeparties.I'moffthemforlife."
“Good.Callmetonight."
"Iwill.Bye."
ShehungupandsmiledatHarden."Thanks."
Heshrugged."Sitdownandeat.I'vegotaworkshopatelevenforthecattlemen'sconference.I'lldrop
youoffatyourplacefirst."
Shevaguelyrememberedthesignshe'dseenonthewayintothehotelaboutabeefproducersseminar.
"Isn'ttheconferencehere?"shestammered.
"Sure.ButI'lldropyouoffanyway."
"Idon'tknowquitehowtothankyou,"shebegan,hersilvereyessoftandshy.Hesearchedherface
foralong,longmomentbeforehewasabletodraghiseyesbacktohisplate."Idon'tcaremuchfor
women,Miranda,"hesaidtersely,"Socallthisamomentaryaberration.Butnexttime,don'tput
yourselfinthatkindofvulnerablesituation.Ididn'ttakeadvantage.Mostothermenwouldhave."
Sheknewthatalready.Shepouredherselfacupofcoffeefromthecarafe,dartingcuriousglancesat
him."Whydon'tyoulikewomen?"
Hisdarkeyebrowsclashedandhestaredatherwithhardeyes.
"Itwon'tdoanygoodtogloweratme,"shesaidgently."I'mnotintimidated.Won'tyoutellme?"
Helaughedwithouthumor."Bravethismorning,aren'twe?"
"I'msober,"shereplied."Andyoushouldn'tcarrypeoplehomewithyouifyoudon'twantthemtoask
questions."
"I'llrememberthatnexttime,"heassuredherasheliftedhisfork.
"Why?"shepersisted.
"I'millegitimate."
Shedidn'tflinchorlookshocked.Shesippedhercoffee."Yourmotherwasn'tmarriedtoyourfather."
Shenodded.
Hescowled."MymotherhadaflamingaffairandIwastheresult.Herhusbandtookherback.Ihave
threebrotherswhoareherhusband'schildren.I'mnot."
"Wasyourstepfathercrueltoyou?"sheaskedgently.
Heshiftedrestlessly."No,"hesaidreluctantly.
"Wereyoutreateddifferentlyfromtheotherboys?"
"No.Look,"hesaidirritably,"whydon'tyoueatyourbreakfast?"
"Doesn'tyourmotherloveyou?"
"Yes,mymotherlovesme!"
"Noneedtoshout,Mr.Tremayne."Shegrimaced,holdingoneear."Ihaveperfecthearing."
"Whatbusinessofyoursismylife?"hedemanded.
"Yousavedmine,"sheremindedhim."Nowyou'reresponsibleformefortherestofyours."
"Iamnot,"hesaidicily.
Shewonderedatherowncourage,becausehelookedmuchmoreintimidatinginthelightthanhehad
thenightbefore.Hemadeherfeelaliveandsafeandcosseted.Ordinarilyshewasaspirited,
independentwoman,butthetraumaoftheaccidentandthelossofthebabyhadwrungthespiritoutof
her.Nowitwasbeginningtocomeback.Allbecauseofthistall,angrystrangerwho'djerkedher
fromwhathe'dthoughtwerethewaitingjawsofdeath.Actuallyjumpinghadbeentheverylastthing
inhermindonthatbridgelastnight.Ithadbeennauseathathadherhangingoverit,butithadpassed
bythetimehereachedher.
"Areyoualwayssohardtogetalongwith?"sheaskedpleasantly.Hispaleblueeyesnarrowed.Of
coursehewas,buthedidn'tlikehearingitfromher.Sheconfusedhim.Heturnedbacktohisfood.
"You'dbettereat."
"ThesoonerIfinish,thesoonerI'moutofyourhair?"shemused.
"Right."
Sheshruggedandfinishedherbreakfast,washingitdownwiththelastofhercoffee.Shedidn'twant
togo.Odd,whenhewassoobviouslyimpatienttoberidofher.Hewaslikeasecurityblanketthat
she'djustfound,andalreadyshewaslosingit.Hegaveherpeace,madeherfeelwholeagain.The
thoughtofbeingwithouthimmadeherpanicky.
Hardenwasfeelingsomethingsimilar.He,who'dswornthatneveragainwouldhegivehisheart,was
experiencingaprotectiveinstincthehadn'tbeenawarehehad.Hedidn'tunderstandwhatwas
happeningtohim.Hedidn'tlikeit,either.
"Ifyou'refinished,we'llgo,"hesaidtersely,risingtodigintohispocketforhiscarkeys.Sheleftthe
lastsipofcoffeeintheimmaculatechinacupandgottoherfeet,retrievinghersmallpursefromthe
couch.Sheprobablylookedlikeashipwrecksurvivor,shethoughtasshefollowedhimtothedoor,
andGodknewwhatpeoplewouldthinkwhentheysawhercomedownstairsintheclothesshe'dworn
thenightbefore.Howridiculous,shechidedherself.They'dthinktheobviousthing,ofcourse.That
she'dsleptwithhim.Sheflushedastheywentdownintheelevator,hopingthathewouldn'tseethe
expressiononherface.
Hedidn't.Hewasmuchtoobusycursinghimselfforbeinginthatbarthenightbefore.Theelevator
stoppedandhestoodasidetoletherout.
ItwasunfortunatethathisbrotherEvanhaddecidedtoflyupearlyfortheworkshopHardenwas
conductingonnewbeefproductionmethods.ItwasevenmoreunfortunatethatEvanshouldbe
standinginfrontoftheelevatorwhenHardenandMirandagotoffit.
"Oh,God,"Hardengroundout.
Evan'sbrowneyebrowswentstraightupandhisdarkeyesthreatenedtopop."Harden?"heasked,
leaningforwardasifhewasn'treallysurethatthiswashishalfbrother.Harden'sblueeyesnarrowed
threateningly,andadarkflushspreadoverhischeekbones.InstinctivelyhetookMiranda'sarm.
"Excuseme.We'relate,"hetoldEvan,hiseyesthreateningallkindsofretribution.Evangrinned,
whiteteethinaswarthyfaceflashingmischievously."Youaren'tgoingtointroduceme?"heasked.
“I’mMirandaWarren,"Mirandasaidgently,smilingathimoverHarden'sarm.
"I'mEvanTremayne,"hereplied."Nicetomeetyou."
"Gohome,"HardentoldEvancurtly.
"Iwillnot,"Evansaidindignantly,toweringoverbothofthem."Icametohearyoutellpeoplehowto
makemoremoneyraisingbeef."
"Youheardmeatthesuppertablelastmonth—justbeforeyouvolunteeredmeforthisdamned
workshop!"heremindedtheotherman."WhydidyouhavetocometoChicagotohearitagain?"
"IlikeChicago."Hepursedhislips,smilingappreciativelyatMiranda."Lotsofprettygirlsuphere."
"Thisoneisoff-limits,sogoaway,"Hardentoldhim.
"Hehateswomen,"EvantoldMiranda."Hedoesn'tevengoondatesbackhome.Whatdidyoudo,if
youdon'tmindsaying?Imean,youdidn'tdrughimorhithimwithsomezombiespell...?"Miranda
shiftedclosertoHardeninvoluntarilyandslidashyhandintohis.Evan'sknowinglookmadeherfeel
self-consciousandembarrassed."Actually—"shebeganreluctantly.Hardencutheroff."Shehada
smallproblemlastnight,andIrescuedher.NowI'mtakingherhome,"hesaid,daringhisbrotherto
askanotherquestion."I'llseeyouattheworkshop."
"You'reallright?"EvanaskedMiranda,withsincereconcern.
"Yes."Sheforcedasmile."I'vebeenalotoftroubletoMr.Tremayne.I...reallydohavetogo."Harden
lockedhisfingerscloserintohersandwalkedpastEvanwithoutanotherword.
"Yourbrotherisverybig,isn'the?"Mirahdaasked,tinglingalloveratthedeliciouscontactwith
Harden'sstrongfingers.Shewonderedifhewasevenawareofholdingherhandsotightly.
"Evan'sagiant,"heagreed."Thebiggestofusall.Shortontact,sometimes."
"Lookwho'stalking,"shecouldn'tresistreplying.
Heglareddownatherandtightenedhisfingers."Watchit."Shesmiled,sighingastheyreachedhis
carinthegarage."Idon'tguessI'llseeyouagain?"sheasked.
"Notmuchreasonto,ifyoudon'ttryjumpingoffbridgesanymore,"hereplied,puttingupacool
front.Actuallyhedidn'tlikethethoughtofnotseeingheragain.Butshewasmourningahusbandand
babyandhedidn'twantinvolvement.Itwouldbeforthebestifhedidn'tstartanything.Hewasstill
wearingthescarsfromtheonetimehe'dbecometotallyinvolved.
"Ihadtoomuchtodrink,"shesaidafterhe'dputherintheluxurycarhe'drentedattheairporttheday
beforeandclimbedinbesidehertostarttheengine."Idon'tdrinkasarule.Thatlastpinacoladawas
fatal."
"Almostliterally,"heagreed,glancingatherirritably."Findsomethingtooccupyyourmind.Itwill
helpgetyouthroughtheroughtimes."
"Iknow."Shelookeddownatherlap."IguessyourbrotherthinksIsleptwithyou."
"Doesitmatterwhatpeoplethink?"
Shelookedoverathim."Nottoyou,Iexpect.ButI'mdisgustinglyconventional.Idon'teven
jaywalk."
"I'llsquareitwithEvan."
"Thankyou."Shetwistedherpurseandstaredoutthewindow,hersadeyesshadowed.
"Howlonghasitbeen?"
Shesighedsoftly."Almostamonth.Ishouldbeusedtoitbynow,shouldn'tI?"
"Ittakesayear,theysay,tocompletelygetoveraloss.Weallmournedmystepfatherforatleastthat
long."
"YournameisTremayne,likeyourbrother's."
"Andyouwonderwhy?Mystepfatherlegallyadoptedme.Onlyaveryfewpeopleknowaboutmy
background.Itisn'tobviousuntilyouseemenexttomyhalfbrothers.They'realldark-eyed."
"Mymotherwasaredheadwithgreeneyesandmyfatherwasblondandblue-eyed,"sheremarked.
"I'mdark-hairedandgray-eyed,andeverybodythoughtIwasadopted."
"Youaren't?"
Shesmiled."I'mtheimageofmymother'smother.Shewaspretty,ofcourse..."
"Whatdoyouthinkyouare,theWitchofEn-dor?"heaskedonahardlaugh.Heglancedatherwhile
theystoppedforatrafficlight."MyGod,you'redevastating.Didn'tanyoneevertellyou?""Well,no,"
shestammered.
"Notevenyourhusband?"
"Helikedfairwomenwithvoluptuousfigures,"sheblurtedout.
"Thenheshouldhavemarriedone,"hesaidshortly."There'snothingwrongwithyou."
"I'mflatchested,"shesaidwithoutthinking.Whichwasamistake,becauseheimmediatelyglanced
downatherbodicewitharaisedeyebrowthatspokevolumes."Somebodyoughttotellyouthatmen
havevariedtastesinwomen.Thereareafewwhopreferwomenwithoutmassive...bosoms,"he
murmuredwhenhesawherexpression."Andyouaren'tflat-chested."Sheswallowed.Hemadeher
feelnaked.Shefoldedherarmsoverherchestandstaredoutthewindowagain.
"Howlongwereyoumarried?"heasked."Well...fourmonths,"sheconfessed."Happily?"
"Idon'tknow.Heseemedsodifferentbeforewemarried.AndthenIgotpregnantandhewasfurious.
ButIwantedababysobadly."Shehadtotakeabreathbeforeshecouldgoon."I'mtwentyfive.He
wasthefirstmanwhoeverproposedtome."
"Ican'tbelievethat."
"Well,Ididn'talwayslooklikethis,"shesaid."I'mnearsighted.Iwearcontactlensesnow.Itooka
modelingcourseandlearnedhowtomakethemostofwhatIhad.Iguessitworked,becauseImet
TimatthecourthousewhileIwasresearchingandheaskedmeoutthatsamenight.Weonlywent
togethertwoweeksbeforewegotmarried.Ididn'tknowhim,Iguess."
"Washeyourfirstman?"
Shegasped."You'reveryblunt!"
"Youknowthatalready."Helitacigarettewhilehedrove."Answerme."
"Yes,"shemuttered,glaringathim."Butit'snoneofyourbusiness."
"Anyparticularreasonwhyyouwaiteduntilmarriage?"
Theglaregotworse."I'mold-fashionedandIgotochurch!"Hesmiled.Itwasagenuinesmile,for
once,too."SodoI."
"You?"
"Neverjudgeabookbyitscover,"hemurmured.Hispaleeyesglancedsidewaysandhelaughed.
Sheshookherhead."Miracleshappeneveryday,theysay."
"Thanksalot."Hestoppedatanotherredlight."Whichwayfromhere?"Shegavehimdirectionsand
minuteslater,hepulledupinfrontofthesmallapartmenthousewhereshelived.Itwasinafairlyold
neighborhood,butnotabadone.Thehousewasn'tfancy,butitwascleanandthesmallyardhad
flowers.
"Therearejustthreeapartments,"shesaid."Oneupstairsandtwodownstairs.Iplantedtheflowers.
ThisiswhereIlivedbeforeImarriedTim.Whenhe...died,SamandJoaninsistedthatIstaywith
them.It'sstillhardtogointhere.Ididastupidthingandboughtbabyfurniture—"Shestopped,
swallowinghard.
Hecutofftheengineandgotout,openingthedoor."Comeon.I'llgoinwithyou."Hetookherarm
andguidedhertothedoor,waitingimpatientlywhilesheunlockedit."Doyouhavealandladyor
landlord?"
"Absentee,"shetoldhim."AndIdon'thaveamoralsclause,"sheadded,indicatinghereveninggown.
"Goodthing,Iguess."
"Youaren'tafallenwoman,"heremindedher.
"Iknow."Sheunlockedthedoorandlethimin.Theapartmentwasjustasshe'dleftit,neatandclean.
Buttherewasabassinetinonecornerofthebedroomandaplaypeninitsboxstillsittingagainstthe
dividingcounterbetweenthekitchenandthediningroom.Shefoughtdownasob.
"Comehere,littleone,"hesaidgently,andpulledherintohisarms.Shewasrigidatfirst,untilher
bodyadjustedtobeingheld,tothestrengthand.scentofhim.Hewasverystrong.Shecouldfeelthe
hardpressofmuscleagainstherbreastsandherlonglegs.Heprobablydidalotofphysicalwork
aroundhisranch,becausehewascertainlyfit.Buthisstrengthwasn'taffectinghernearlyasmuchas
thefeelofhisbig,leanhandsagainstherback,andthewarmthofhisarmsaroundher.Hesmelledof
deliciousmasculinecologneandtobacco,andherlowerbodyfeltlikemoltenliquidallofasudden.
Hisfingersmovedintothehairathernapeandtheirtipsgentlymassagedherscalp.Shefelthiswarm
breathathertemplewhileheheldher.
Tearsrolleddownhercheeks.Shehadn'treallycriedsincetheaccident.Shemadeupforitnow,
pressingclosetohiminnocentlyforcomfort.
Butthemovementhadanunexpectedconsequence,andshefeltitagainstherbelly.Shestiffenedand
movedherhipsdemurelybackfromhiswithwhatshehopedwassubtlety.Allthesame,herface
flamedwithembarrassment.Fourbriefmonthsofmarriagehadn'tloosenedmanyofherinhibitions.
Hardenfeltequallyuncomfortable.Hisbloodhadcooledsomewhatwithage,andhedidn'thavemuch
todowithwomen.HisreactiontoMirandashockedandembarrassedhim.Herreactiononlymadeit
worse,becausewhenheliftedhishead,hecouldseethescarletblushonherface.
"Thanksagainforlookingaftermelastnight,"shesaidtoeasethepainfulsilence.Herhandsslid
aroundtohisbroadchestandrestedtherewhileshelookedupintopale,quieteyesinafacelike
stone.
"Iwon'tseeyouagain?"sheasked.
Heshookhishead."Itwouldn'tbewise."
"Isupposenot."Shereacheduphesitantlyand
touchedhisbeautifulmouth,herfingertipslingeringonthefull,widelowerlip."Thankyouformy
life,"shesaidsoftly."I'lltakebettercareofitfromnowon."
"Seethatyoudo."Hecaughtherfingers."Don'tdothat,"hesaidirritably,lettingherhandfalltoher
side.Hemovedback,awayfromher."Ihavetogo."
"Yes,well,Iwon'tkeepyou,"shemanaged,embarrassedalloveragain.Shehadn'tmeanttobeso
forward,butshe'dneverfeltassecurewithanyonebefore.Itamazedherthatsuchasweeping
emotionwouldn'tbemutual.Buthedidn'tlookasifheevenlikedher,muchlesswasaffectedbyher.
Exceptforthatonetelltalesign...
Shewentwithhimtothedoorandstoodframedintheopeningwhenhewentoutontotheporch.
Heturned,hiseyesnarrowandangryashegazeddownather.Shelookedvulnerableandsadandso
alone.Heletoutaharshbreath.
"I'llbeallright,youknow,"shesaidwithfalsepride.
"Willyou?"Hemovedcloser,hisstancearrogant,hiseyeshotwithfeeling.Hisbodythrobbedashe
lookedather.Hisgazeslidtohermouthandhecouldn'thelphimself.Hewantedituntilitwasan
obsession.Reluctantlyhecaughtthebackofherneckinhisleanhandandtiltedherfaceashebent
towardher.
Herheartranwild.She'dwantedhiskisssomuch,anditwashappening."Harden,"shewhispered
helplessly.
"Thisisstupid,"hebreathed,buthismouthwasalreadyonhersevenashesaidit,thewordsgoing
pastherpartedlipsalongwithhissmokybreath.
Shedidn'tevenhesitate.She-slidherarmsuparoundhisneckandlockedherhandsbehindhishead,
liftingherselfclosertohishard,roughmouth.Shemoanedfaintly,becausethepassionhekindledin
herwassomethingshe'dneverfelt.Herlegstrembledagainsthisandshefelttheshudderthatbuffeted
himashisbodyreactedhelplesslytoherresponse.
Hefeltitandmovedback.Hedraggedhismouthawayfromhers,breathingroughlyashelooked
downintoherdazedeyes."ForGod'ssake!"hegroaned.Hepushedherbackintotheapartmentand
followedher,elbowingthedoorshutbeforehereachedforheragain.
Hewasn'tevenlucid.Heknewhewasn't.Buthermouthwasthesweetesthoneyhe'devertasted,and
hedidn'tseemcapableofgivingitup.
Sheseemedequallyhelpless.Herbodyclungtohis,hermouthprotestingwhenhestartedtolifthis.
Hesighedsoftly,givingintoherhunger,hismouthgentlingasthekissgrewlonger,moreinsistent.
Hetoyedwithherlips,teasingthemintopartingforhimbeforehistongueeasedgentlypastherteeth.
Hefelthergaspevenasheheardit.Hishandsmoothedhercheek,histhumbtenderlytouchingthe
cornerofhermouthwhilehislipsbrushedit,calming
her.Shetrembled.Hepersisteduntilshefinallygavein,allatonce,hersoftbodyalmostcollapsing
againsthim.Histonguepushedcompletelyintohermouthandsheshiveredwithpassion.Theslow,
rhythmicthrustofhistonguewassosuggestive,soblatantlysexual,thatitcompletelydisarmedher.
Shehadn'texpectedthisfromamanshe'donlymetthedaybefore.Shehadn'texpectedherheadlong
reactiontohim,either.Shecouldn'tseemtoletgo,todrawback,toprotestthisfierceintimacy.
Shemoaned.Thesoundpenetratedhismind,arousedhimevenmore.Hefeltherlegstrembling
againsthisblatantarousal,andheforcedhismouthtolift,hishandstoclaspherwaistandholdher
roughlyawayfromhimwhilehefoughtforcontrolofhissenses.
Herfacewasflushed,hereyeshalfclosed,drowsywithpleasure.Hersoftmouthwasswollen,still
lifted,willing,waiting.
Heshookhergently."Stopit,"hesaidhuskily."OrI'llhaveyourighthere,standingup."Shestaredup
athimonlyhalfcomprehending,herbreathjerkingoutofhertightthroat,herheartslammingather
ribs."What...happened?"shewhispered.Heletgoofherandsteppedback,hisfacerigidwith
unsatisfieddesire.Hischestheavedwiththeforceofhisbreathing."Godknows,"hesaidtersely.
"I've...I'venever..."shebegan,flusteredwithembarrassment.
“Oh,hell,I've'never,'either,"hesaidirritably."Notlikethat."Hehadtofightforbreath.Hestaredat
her,fascinated."Thatcan'thappenagain.Ever."Sheswallowed.She'dknownthat,too,buttherehad
beenatinyhopethatthiswasthebeginningofsomething.Impossible,ofcourse.Shewasawidowof
barelyonemonth,withemotionalscarsfromthelossofherhusbandandchild,andhewasaman
whoobviouslydidn'twanttogetinvolved.Wrongtime,wrongplace,shethoughtsadly,and
wonderedhowshewasgoingtocopewiththisnewhurt."Yes.Iknow,"shesaidfinally.
"Goodbye,Miranda."
Hereyeslockedwithhis."Goodbye,Harden."
Heturnedwithcoldreluctanceandopenedthedooragain.Hecouldstilltasteheronhismouth,and
hisbodywastautwitharousal.Hepausedwiththedoorknobinhishand.Hecouldn'tmakehimself
turnit.Hisspinestraightened.
"It'stoosoonforyou."
"I...supposeso."
Therehadbeenadefinitehesitationthere.Heturnedandlookedather,hiseyesintent,searching.
"You'reacitygirl."
Thatwasn'tquitetrue,butheobviouslywantedtobelieveit."Yes,"shesaid.Hetookaslow,steadying
breath,lettinghiseyesrundownherbodybeforehedraggedthembackuptoherface.
"Wrongtime,wrongplace,"hesaidhuskily.
Shenodded."Yes.Iwasthinkingthat,too."
Soshewasalreadyreadinghismind.Thiswasonedangerouswoman.Itwasagoodthingthatthe
timingwaswrong.Shecouldhavetiedhimuplikeatrussedturkey.Hisgazefelltoherflatbellyand
ittookallhiswillpowernottothinkwhatsprangtohismind.He'dneverwantedachild.Before.
"I'llbelatefortheworkshop.Andyou'llbelateforwork.Takecareofyourself,"hesaid.Shesmiled
gently."You,too.Thankyou,Harden."
Hisbroadshouldersroseandfell."I'dhavedonethesameforanyone,"hesaid,almostdefensively.
"Iknowthat,too.Solong."
Heopenedthedoorthistimeandwentthroughit,withouthastebutwithoutlingering.Whenhewas
backinthecar,heforcedhimselftoignorethewayitwoundedhimtoleavehertherealonewithher
painfulmemories.
ChapterThree
EvanwaswaitingforHardentheminutehewalkedintothehotel.Hardengloweredathim,butit
didn'tslowtheothermandown.
"It'snotmyfault,"Evansaidastheywalkedtowardtheconferenceroomswheretheworkshopwasto
beheld."Avenomouswomanhaterwhocomesdownstairswithawomaninaneveninggownat
eight-thirtyinthemorningisboundtoattractunwantedattention.”
"Nodoubt."Hardenkeptwalking.
Evansighedheavily,"Youneverdateanybody.You'reforeveronthejob.MyGod,justseeingyou
withawomanisextraordinary.Tellmehowyoumether."
"Shewasleaningoffabridge.Istoppedher."
"And...?"
Hardenshrugged."Iletherusethespareroomuntilshesoberedup.ThismorningItookherhome.
Endofstory."
Evanthrewuphishands."Willyoutalktome?Whywasagorgeousgirllikethatjumpingoffa
bridge?"
"Shelostherhusbandandababyinacaraccident,"hereplied.Evanstopped,hiseyesquietand
somber."I'msorry.She'sstillhealing,isthatit?"
"Inanutshell."
"Soitwasjustcompassionthen."Evanshookhisheadandstuckhisbighandsintohispockets.
"Imighthaveknown."Heglancedathishalfbrothernarrowly."Ifyou'dgetmarried,Imighthavea
chanceofgettingmyowngirl.Theyallwalkovermetryingtogettoyou.Andyoucan'tstand
women."Hebrightened."Maybethat'sthesecret.MaybeifIpretendtohatethem,they'llclimball
overme!"
"Whydon'tyoutrythat?"Hardenagreed.
"Ihave.Itscaredthelastoneoff.Nogreatloss.Shehadtwocatsandahamster.I'mallergictofur."
Hardenlaughedshortly."Sowe'veallnoticed."
"IhadacallfromMotherearlier."
Harden'sfacefroze."Didyou?"
"Iwishyouwouldn'tdothat,"hisbrothersaid."She'spaidenoughforwhatshedid,Harden.Youjust
don'tunderstandhowitistobeobsessivelyinlove.Maybethat'swhyyou'veneverforgivenher."
EvanhadbeenawayatcollegeduringtheworstmonthsofHarden'slife.NeitherHardennor
TheodorahadevertoldhimmuchaboutthetragedythathadturnedHardencold."Loveisforidiots,"
Hardensaid,refusingtolethimselfremember.Hepausedtolightacigarette,hisfingerssteadyand
sure."Iwantnopartofit."
"Toobad,"Evanreplied."Itmightlimberyouupabit."
"Notmuchhopeofthat,atmyage."Heblewoutacloudofsmoke,partofhismindstillonMiranda
andthewayithadfelttokissher.Heturnedtowardtheconferenceroom."Istilldon'tunderstandwhy
youcameuphere."
"TogetawayfromConnal,"hesaidshortly."MyGod,he'sdrivingmecrazy."Hardenliftedan
amusedeyebrow."Babyfever.OncePepigivesbirth,he'llbebacktonormal."
"Hepaces,hesmokes,heworriesaboutsomethinggoingwrong.Whatiftheydon'trecognizelabor
intime,whatifthecarwon'tstartwhenit'stimetogotothehospital!"Hethrewuphishands.
"It'senoughtoputamanofffatherhood."
Fatherhood.HardenrememberedlookinghungrilyatMiranda'swaistandwonderinghowitwould
feeltofatherachild.Incrediblethought,andhe'dneverhaditbeforeinhislife,notevenwiththeone
womanhe'dlovedbeyondbearing...orthoughthe'dloved.Hescowled.Hehadalotofnewthoughts
andfeelingswithMiranda.Thiswouldn'tdo.Theywerestrangers.HelivedinTexas,shelivedin
Illinois.Therewasnofutureinit,evenifshewasn'tstillinmourning.Hehadtobitebackagroan.
"Something'seatingyouup,"Evansaidperceptively,narrowingonedarkeye."Younevertalkabout
thingsthatbotheryou."
"What'stheuse?Theywon'tgoaway."
"No,butbringingthemoutinthelighthelpstogetthemintoperspective."Hepursedhislips.
"It'sthatwoman,isn'tit?Yousavedher,nowyoufeelresponsibleforher."Hardenwhirled,hispale
blueeyesglaringfuriouslyattheotherman.Evanheldupbothhands,grinning."Okay,Igetthe
message.Shewasadish,though.Youmighttryyourluck.DonaldandConnalandIcantalkyou
throughadate...andtheotherthingsyoudon'tknowabout."
Hardensighed."Willyoustop?"
"It'snocrimetobeinnocent,evenifyouareaman,"Evancontinued."Weallknowyouthoughtabout
becomingaminister."
Hardenjustshookhisheadandkeptwalking.SurelytoGod,Evanwasacase.Thatassumption
irritatedhim,buthewouldn'tlowerhimselfenoughtodenyit.
"Nocomment?"Evanasked.
"Nocomment,"Hardensaidpleasantly."Let'sgo.Thecrowd'salreadygathering."DespiteHarden's
preoccupationwithMiranda,theworkshopwentwell.Hehadadrywit,whichheusedtohis
advantagetokeeptheaudience'sattentionwhilehelecturedonthecombinationsofmaternaland
carcassbreedsthathadbeensosuccessfulbackhome.Profitwasthebottomlineinanycattle
operation,andthestrainshewasusinginalimitedcrossbreedinghadproventhemselvesfinancially.
Buthispositiononhormoneimplantswasn'tpopular,andhadresultedinsomehotexchangeswith
othercattlemen.CattleattheTremayneranchweren'timplanted,andHardenwasferventlyagainstthe
artificialmeansofbeefgrowth.
"Damnit,it'slikeusingsteroidsonahuman,"hearguedwiththeoldercattleman."Andwestilldon't
knowthelong-rangeeffectsofconsumptionofimplantedcattleonhumanbeings!"
"You'retalkingahellofafinancialloss,allthesame!"theotherarguedhotly."Damnit,man,I'm
operatingintheredalready!Thoseimplantsyou'reagainstaretheonlythingkeepingmeinbusiness.
Moreweightmeansmoremoney.That'showitis!"
"Andwhataboutthecountriesthatwon'timportAmericanbeefbecauseoftheimplants?"Hardenshot
back."Whataboutmoralresponsibilityforwhatmayprovetobeadangerousandunwarrantedrisk
topublichealth?"
"We'realreadygettingheatforthepesticidesweuseleachingintothewatertable,"adeep,familiar
voiceinterrupted."AndIwon'tgointoenvironmentalistsclaiminggrazingisresponsibleforglobal
warmingortheanimalrightspeoplewhothinkbrandingourcattleiscruel,orthegovernment
bailingoutthedairyindustrybydumpingtheirtough,used-upcowsonthemarketwithourprime
beef!"
Thatdidit.BeforeHardencouldopenhismouth,hisworkshopwasshottohell.Hegaveuptryingto
callfororderandsatdowntodrinkhiscoffee.
Evansatbackdownbesidehim,grinning."Savedyourbeans,didn'tI,pard?"heasked.Harden
gesturedtowardthecrowd."Whatabouttheirs?"heasked,indicatingtwocattlemenwhowere
shovingeachotherandredintheface.
"Theirproblem,notmine.Ijustdidn'twanttohavetosaveyoufromalynchmob.Couldn'tyoubea
littlelessopinionated?"
Hardenshrugged."Notmyway."
"SoInoticed."Evanstoodup."Well,wemightaswellgoandeatlunch.Whenwecomebackwecan
worryabouthowtodisposeofthecarnage."Hegrimacedasablowwasstrucknearby.Hardenpursed
hislips,hisblueeyesnarrowingamusedly."Andleavejustwhenthingsaregettinginteresting?"
"No."Evanstoodinfrontofhim."Now,lookhere..."Itdidn'twork.Hardenwalkedaroundhimand
rightintoafuriousbigfist.Hereturnedthepunchwithahardlaughandwadedrightintothemelee.
Evansighed.HetookoffhisStetsonandhisjacket,rolledupthesleevesofhiswhitecottonshirtand
loosenedhistie.Therewassuchathingasfamilyunity.
Later,afterthepolicecameandspoiledallthefun,HardenandEvanhadaquietlunchintheirsuite
whiletheypatchedupthecuts.
"Wecouldhavebeenarrested,"Evanmutteredbetweenbitesofhissandwiches.
"Nokidding."Hardenswalloweddownthelastofhiscoffeeandpouredanothercupfromthecarafe.
Hehadabruiseononecheekandanother,withacut,loweronhisjaw.Evanhadfaredalmostas
badly.Ofcourse,thecompetitiondownstairslookedmuchworse.
"Youhadachangeofclothes,"Evanmuttered,brushingatbloodspotsonhiswhiteshirt."Ihaveto
flyhomelikethis."
"Thestewardesseswillbefascinatedbyyou.You'llprobablyhavetoturndowndatesalltheway
home."
Evanbrightened."Thinkso?"
"Youlookwoundedandmacho,"Hardenagreed."Aren'twomensupposedtolovethat?"
"I'mnotsure.Ilostmyperspectivewhentheystartedcarryinggunsandbodybuilding.Ithinktheideal
thesedaysisamanwhocancookanddohouseworkandlikesbaby-sitting."Heshuddered.
"Kidsscaremetodeath!"
"Theywouldn'tiftheywereyourown."
Evansighed,andhisdarkeyeshadafarawaylook."I'mtoooldtostartafamily."
"MyGod,you'rebarelythirty-four!"
"Anyway,I'dhavetogetmarriedfirst.Nobody.wantsme."
"Youscarewomen,"Hardenreplied."You'retheoriginalclown.Allsmilesandwit.Thensomething
upsetsyouandyouloseyourtemperandthrowsomebodyoverafence."
Evan'sdarkeyesnarrowed,therealmanshowingthroughthefacadeasherememberedwhathad
promptedthatincident"Thatyellow-belliedso-and-soputaquirttomynewfillyandbeatherbloody.
He'sdamnedluckyIdidn'tcatchhimuntilhegotoffthepropertyinhistruck."
"Anyofuswouldhavefeltthatway,"Hardenagreed."Butyou'renotexactlywhatyouseemtobe.I
mayscarepeople,butI'malwaysthesame.You'renot."Evandroppedhisgazetohiscoffee,thesmile
gone."IgotusedtofightingwhenIwasakid.Ihadtotakecareoftherestofyou,alwayspickingon
guystwiceyoursize."
"Iknow."Hardensmiledinvoluntarilyatthememories."Don'tthinkwedidn'tappreciateit,either."
Evanlookedup."ButonceIputamaninthehospital,remember?NeverrealizedI'dhithimthathard.
Ihaven'tlikedtofightsince."
"Thatwasanaccident,"Hardenremindedhim."Hefellthewrongwayandhithishead.Itcouldhave
happenedtoanyone."
"Iguess.Butmysizeencouragespeopletotryme.Funnything,itseemstointimidatewomen."He
shrugged."IguessI'llbeabachelorforlife."
Hardenopenedhismouthtocorrectthatimpression,butthephonerangandclaimedhisattention.
Hepickeditupandanswered,listeningwithanamusedface.
"Sure.I'llbedownintenminutes."
Hehungup."Imaginethat.Theywantmetodoanotherhour.Myaudiencehasbeenbraggingthatthis
wasthebestworkshopthey'deverattended.Notboring,yousee."Evanburstoutlaughing."Well,you
owethattome."
Hardenglaredathim."Youcanonlycomebackifyoupromisetokeepyourmouthshut."
"Bull.Youenjoyedit."Hestretchedhugely."Anyway,itgotyourmindoffthewoman,didn'tit?"
Hardenwasactuallylostforwords.Hejuststaredatthebiggerman.
"It'sthetiming,isn'tit?"Evanaskedseriously."She'snewlywidowedandyouthinkshe'stoo
susceptible.Butifshewasinthatkindofcondition,shesureashellneedssomeone."
"It'sstillthewrongtime,"herepliedquietly.
Evanshrugged."Noharminkeepingthedooropenuntilitistherighttime,isthere?"heaskedwitha
grin.
HardenthoughtaboutwhatEvanhadsaidfortherestoftheafternoon,evenaftertheothermanhad
caughthisflightbacktoJacobsville.No,therewouldn'treallybeanyharminkeepinghisdooropen.
Butwasitwhathewanted?AwomanlikeMirandawasn'tfitforranchlife,evenifhewentcrazyand
gotseriousabouther.ShewasacitygirlfromChicagowithaterribletragedytoputbehindher.He
wasalonerwhohatedcitylifeandwascarryingaroundhisownscars.Itwouldneverwork.Buthis
noblethoughtsdidn'tsparehisbodytheanguishofrememberinghowithadbeenwithMirandathat
morning,howfiercelyhisardorhadaffectedbothofthem.Allthatsilkysoftnessagainsthim,her
warm,sweetmouthbeggingforhis,herarmsholdingfast.Hegroanedaloudashepicturedthat
slenderbodynakedonwhitesheets.Asexplosiveasthepassionbetweenthemwas,anightwithher
wouldsurpasshiswildestdreamsofecstasy,heknewitwould.Itwasthethoughtofafterwardthat
disturbedhim.Hemightnotbeabletolethergo.Thatwaswhatstoppedhimwhenheplacedhishand
hesitantlyoverthetelephoneandthoughtaboutfindinghernumberinthedirectoryandcallingher.
Oncehe'dknownherintimately,wouldhebecapableofwalkingaway?Hestaredatthetelephonefor
alongtimebeforeheturnedawayfromitandwenttobed.No,hetoldhimself.He'dbeenrightinthe
firstplace.Thetimingwasallwrong,notonlyforMiranda,butforhimself.Hewasn'treadyforany
kindofcommitment.Mirandawasthinkingthesamething,backatherownapartmenthouse.Butshe
hadthenumberoftheCarltonArmsunderhernervousfingers.Shestaredatitwhileshesatonher
sofainthelonelyapartment,andshewantedsobadlytophone,toaskforHardenTremayne,to...To
what?sheaskedherself.Sheknewshe'dalreadybeenenoughtroubletohim.Butshe'djustfinished
givingherbabyfurnituretoacharitygroup,andshewassickanddepressed.Eventhoughshewasn't
inlovewithTimanymore,shegrievedforthechildshewascarrying.Itwouldhavebeenso
wonderfultohaveababyofherowntoloveandcarefor.
NoneofwhichwasHarden'sproblem.He'dbeenreluctantlykind,ashewouldhavebeentoanybody
introuble.He'dsaidasmuch.Butshewasrememberingthewaythey'dkissedeachother,andtheheat
ofpassionthatshe'dneverfeltwithanyoneelse.Itmadehersohungry.She'dexpectedloveand
foreverfrommarriage.She'dhadneither.Evensex,somysteriousandcomplicated,hadn'tbeenthe
wonderfulexperienceshe'dexpected.Ithadbeenpainfulatfirst,andthenjustunpleasant.Bellsdidn't
ringandtheearthdidn'tmove.Infact,shewasonlyjustabletoadmittoherselfthatshe'dneverfelt
anykindofphysicalattractiontoTim.She'dbrieflyimaginedherselfinlovewithhim,buthe'dbeena
strangerwhentheymarried.Asshelivedwithhim,shebegantoseetherealmanunderthebrash
outgoingreporter,anditwasapersonshedidn'tlikeverymuch.Hewasselfishanddemandingand
totallyinsensitive.
Hardendidn'tseemtobethatkindofmanatall.Hewascaring,evenifhewasscaryandcoldonthe
surface.Underneath,hewasasmolderingvolcanoofemotionandshewantedtodigdeeper,tosee
howconsumingafiretheycouldcreatetogether.Withhim,intimacywouldbeawondrousthing.She
knewit.Probablyhedid,too,buthewaskeepinghisdistancetonight.Eitherhewasn'tinterestedorhe
thoughtitwastoosoonafterherloss.
Hewasright.Itwastoosoon.Shecrumpledthepieceofpaperwhereshe'dwrittenthenumberofthe
hotel.Shewasstillgrievingandmuchtoovulnerableforaquickloveaffair,whichwasprobablyall
he'dbeabletoofferher.He'dsaidhewasalonerandhedidn'tseeminanyhurrytomarry.He'dbeen
alltooeagertogetawayfromher,infact.Sheputthepaperinthetrashcan.Itwasjustaswell.She'd
managedtogetthroughworktodaywithoutbreakingdown,andshe'dmanagetherestofherlifethe
sameway.Itwasn'treallyfairtoinvolveanotherpersoninthemesshermindwasin.Sheputonher
nightgownandclimbedunderthecovers.Finallysheslept.
ChapterFour
Hardensleptbadly.Whenhewoke,heonlyretainedimagesofthetorriddreamsthathadmadehimso
restless.ButavividpictureofMirandadancedinfrontofhiseyes.Hewasduetogohometoday.The
thought,sopleasantlyentertainedtwodaysbefore,wasunpalatabletoday.Texaswasalongwayfrom
Illinois.Heprobablywouldn'tseeMirandaagain.Hedraggedhimselfoutofbed,hitchingupthe
navy-bluepajamatrousersthathunglowonhisnarrowhips.Herubbedacarelesshandoverhis
broad,hair-mattedchestandstaredoutthewindow,scowling.Ridiculous,whathewasthinking.
Therewereresponsibilitiesathome,andhe'dalreadytoldhimselfhowimpossibleitwastoentertain
ideasabouther.
Impossible.Herepeatedthewordevenasheturnedandpickedupthetelephonedirectory.Hedidn't
knowMiranda'smaidenname,whichmadephoningherbrothertoaskwheresheworkedoutofthe
question.Hisonlychancewastocallherapartmentandcatchherbeforesheleft.HefoundTim
Warren'snameinthenewdirectoryanddialedthenumberbeforehecouldchangehismind.
Itrangonce.Twice.Threetimes.Heglancedathiswatchonthebedsidetable.Eighto'clock.Perhaps
she'dleftforwork.Itrangfourtimes.Thenfive.Withalongsigh,hestartedtohangitup.Maybeit
wasfate,hethoughtwithdisappointment.
Then,justasthereceiverstarteddown,hersoftvoicesaid,"Hello?"Hishandreversedinmidair.
"Miranda?"heaskedsoftly.Herbreathcaughtaudibly."Harden!"shecriedasifshecouldn'tbelieve
herears.
Hischestexpandedwithinvoluntarypleasure,becauseshe'drecognizedhisvoiceinstantly.
"Yes,"hereplied."Howareyou?"
Shesatdown,overcomewithexcitedpleasure."I'mbetter.Muchbetter,thankyou.Howareyou?"
"Bruised,"hemurmureddryly."Mybrotherhelpedmeintoafree-for-allattheworkshopyesterday."
"SomebodyinsultedTexas,"sheguessed.
"Notatall,"hereplied."Wewerediscussinghormoneimplantsandtheecologyatthetime."
"Really?"
Helaughedinspiteofhimself.“I’lltellyouallaboutitoverlunch."Shecaughtherbreath.Itwas
morethanshe'ddaredhopefor."Youwanttotakemetolunch?"sheaskedbreathlessly.
“Yes.”
"Oh,I’dlikethat,"shesaidsoftly.
Hedidn'twanttohavetoadmithowmuchhe'dlikeithimself.Heputonhiswatch."WhenshouldI
pickyouup?Andwhere?"
“Ateleven-thirty,"shesaid."Igoearlysothatwewon'tbealloutoftheofficeatthesametime.It'sin
theBrantbuilding.Threeblocksnorthofyourhotel."Shegavehimdirectionsandtheofficenumber.
"Canyoufindit?"
“I’llfindit."
Hehungupbeforeshehadtimetoreply.Thiswasstupid,hetoldhimself.Butallthesame,hehada
deliciousfeelingofanticipation.Hephonedtheranchtotellthemhewouldn'tbehomeforanother
dayortwo.
Hismother,Theodora,answeredthephone."Harden?"sheasked."Thecarwon'tstart."
“Didyouputitinparkbeforeyoutriedtostartit?"heaskedirritably.Therewasalongpause."Just
becauseIdidthatonce...!"shebegandefensively.
"Sixtimes."
"Whatever.Well,no,actually,Iguessit'sindrive."
"PutitinParkanditwillstart.IsDonaldback?"
"No,hewon'tbehomeuntilnextweek."
"ThentellEvanhe'llhavetomanage.I'mgoingtobedelayedforafewdays."Therewasanother
pause."Evan'sgotasplitlip."
"I'vegotablackeye.Sowhat?Youhavetoexpectalittlespiritwhenyougetaroomfulofcattlemen."
"Idowishyouwouldn'tencouragehimtogetintofights."
"ForGod'ssake,Theodora,hestartedit!"heraged.
"Can'tyouevercallmeMother?"sheaskedinanunconsciouslywistfultone.
"WillyougivethemessagetoEvan?"herepliedstiffly.Shesighed."Yes,I'lltellhim.Youwouldn't
liketoexplainwhat'sgoingonupthere,Isuppose?"
"There'snothingtotell."
"Isee.Idon'tknowwhyIkeephopingfortheimpossiblefromyou,Harden,"shesaiddully.
"WhenIknowfullwellthatyou'llneverforgiveme."
Hervoicewassad.Hefeltguiltywhenheheardthatnoteinhervoice.Theodorawasflighty,butshe
hadabigheartandasensitivespirit.Probablyhehurthereverytimehetalkedtoher.
"Evancanreachmehereatthehotelifheneedsme,"hesaid,refusingtogiveintotheimpulsetotalk
—toreallytalk—toher.
"Allright.Goodbye,Son."
Shehungupandhestaredatthereceiver,thedialtoneloudinhisears.He'dneveraskedherabouthis
father,orwhyshehadn'tthoughtofanabortionwhensheknewshewascarryinghim.Certainlyit
wouldhavemadeherlifeeasier.Hewonderedwhythatthoughtoccurredtohimnow.Heputdownthe
receiverandgotdressed.
Ateleven-thirtysharp,hewalkedintothelawofficewhereMirandaworked.Hewaswearingatan
suit,asubduedstripedtie,apearlyStetsonandhand-tooledleatherboots.Heimmediatelydrewthe
eyesofeverywomanintheoffice,andMirandagotupfromherdeskself-consciously.Shecouldn't
tearhereyesawayfromhim,either.
Inherneatred-patternedrayonskirtandwhiteblousewithatrendyscarfdrapedoveroneshoulder
shelookedpretty,too.Hardenglaredatherbecauseshepleasedhissenses.Thiswholethingwas
againsthiswill.Heshouldbeonhiswayhome,nothangingaroundherewitharecentlywidowed
woman.
Mirandafeltthreatenedbythedarkscowlonhisface.Helookedasifhe'dratherbeanywherebut
here,andshefeltalittleself-consciousherselfatwhatamountedtoadateonlyweeksaftershewas
widowed.Butitwasonlylunch,afterall.
"I'lljustgetmypurse,"shemurmurednervously.
"Icouldgowithyouandcarryit,"Janet,herco-worker,volunteeredinastagewhisper.Shegrinned
atHarden,buthehadeyesfornooneexceptMiranda.Hegavetheotheremployeealookthatcould
havefrozenfire.
"Thanks,anyway,"MirandamurmuredwhenJanetbegantoappearthreatened.Shegrabbedherpurse,
smiledhalfheartedlyattheotherwoman,andrushedoutthedoor.
"Doesyourfriendalwayscomeontomenlikethat?"heaskedasheclosedthedoorbehindher.
"Onlywhentheylooklikeyoudo,"shesaidshyly.
Hecockedaneyebrowandpulledhishatloweroverhiseyes."Idon'ttakeonewomanoutandflirt
withanotherone."
"I'mabsolutelysurethatJanetwon'tforgetthat,"sheassuredhim.Hetookherarmastheygotintothe
elevator."Whatdoyoufeellike?Hamburgers,fish,barbecue,orChinese?"
"IlikeChinese,"shesaidatonce.
"SodoI."HepushedtheDownbuttonandstaredatherfromhisloungingpostureagainstthewallas
itbegantomove.Herhairwasdoneinsomecomplicatedplaitdownherback,butitsuitedher.Sodid
thedanglysilverearringsshewaswearing.Hiseyessliddowntothedaintystrappyhighheelsonher
prettyfeetandbackupagain.
"WillIdo?"sheaskeduncertainly.
"Oh,you'lldo,"heagreedquietly.Hiseyesnarrowedwithfaintangerwhilehesearchedhers.
"I'msupposedtobeonaoneo'clockflighthome."
Sheswallowed."Areyou?"sheasked,andherfacefell.
Henoticedherdisappointment.Ithadtomeanthatshewasasfascinatedbyhimashewasbyher,butit
didn'tdomuchforhisconscience.Thiswasallwrong.
"Doyouhavetimetotakemetolunch?"sheaskedworriedly.
"Icanceledtheflight,"hesaidthen.Hedidn'taddthathehadn'tyetdecidedwhenhewasgoinghome.
Hedidn'twanttoadmithowdrawnhewastoher.
Hersilvereyeswentmoltenastheymethisandshecouldn'thideherpleasure.
Thatmadeitworse,somehow."It'sinsane!"hesaidroughly."Wrongtime,wrongplace."
"Thenwhyaren'tyouleavingtown?"sheasked.
"Whydidn'tyousaynowhenIaskedyououttolunch?"heshotrightback.Shefelt,andlooked,
uncertain."Icouldn't,"sherepliedhesitantly."I...wantedtobewithyou."Henodded."That'swhyI'm
here,"hesaid.
Theelevatorstoppedwhiletheywerestaringateachother.Hispaleblueeyesglittered,buthedidn't
makeamovetowardher,eventhoughitwaskillinghimtokeepthedistancebetweenthem.Thedoors
openedandheescortedheroutthefrontdoor,hisfingershardonherupperarm,feelingthethinness
throughtheblouse.
"You'velostweight,haven'tyou?"heaskedastheywalkeddownthecrowdedstreettowardthe
Chineserestauranthe'dseenonthewaytoherbuilding.
"Alittle.I'vealwaysbeenthin."
AsmallgroupofpeoplecamerushingpastthemandknockedagainstMiranda.Evenasshelosther
footing,Harden'sarmwasaroundher,pressingheragainsthim.
"Okay?"heaskedsoftly,hiseyeswatchful,concerned.
Shecouldn'tlookawayfromhim.Hehypnotizedher."Yes.I'mfine,thanks."Hisfingerscontracted
onherwaist.Shewaswrappingsilkenbondsaroundhim.Hedidn'tknowifhelikedit,buthecouldn't
quiteresisther.
Herhearthammeredcrazily.Helookedodd;totallyoutofhumor,butfascinatedatthesametime.
Infact,hewas.Hisownhelplessnessirritatedhim.
Neitherofthemmoved,andhealmostgroanedoutloudasheforcedhimselftoturnandwalkon
downthestreet.
Mirandafeltthestrengthinhispowerfulbodyandfeltguiltyfornoticingit,forreactingtoit.She
walkedbesidehimquietly,herthoughtstormentingher.
Therestaurantwasn'tcrowded.Mirandasettledontheday'sspecial,whileHardenindulgedhis
passionforsweet-and-sourpork.Whenhereachedforthehotmustardsauceforhiseggroll,she
shuddered.
"Youaren'treallygoingtodothat,areyou?"sheasked."Youmightvanishinapuffofsmoke.
Haven'tyoueverheardofspontaneouscombustion?"
"IlikeTabascosauceonmychili,"heinformedher,heapingthesauceontheeggroll."Ihaven'thad
tastebudssince1975."
"Istillcan'twatch."
Hesmiled."Suityourself."
Heatetheeggrollwithevidentenjoymentwhileshesippedmorehottea.Whenhefinishedshestared
athimopenly.
"I'mwaitingforyoutoexplode,"sheexplainedwhenhiseyebrowsliftedinaquestion.“Ithinkthat
stuffisreallyrocketfuel."
Hechuckled.Ithadbeenalongtimesincehe'dfeltlikelaughing.ItsurprisedhimthatMirandawas
thecatalyst,withallthegriefshe'dsufferedsorecently.Hesearchedhereyescuriouslyasanew
thoughtoccurredtohim.
"Youforgetwhenyou'rewithme,don'tyou?"heasked."That'swhyyoucamebacktothehotelnight
beforelastinsteadofinsistingthatItakeyouhome."Shestaredathim.Finallyshenodded."Istop
broodingwhenI'maroundyou.Idon'tunderstandwhy,really,"sheaddedwithaquietsigh."Butyou
makeitallgoaway."Hedidn'treply.Hestareddownathiscupwitheyesthathardlysawit.She
attractedhim.He'dthoughtitwasmutual.Butapparentlyhewasonlyabalmforhergrief,andthat
disturbedhim.Heshouldhavefollowedhisinstinctsandgonehomethismorning.
"DidIevensaythankyou?"sheasked.
"Yousaidit."Hefinishedhisteaandstudiedherovertherimofthesmallcup."Whendoyouhaveto
beback?"
Sheglancedatthebigfaceofhiswatch."Atone-thirty."Shehesitated."IguessyouthinkI'monly
usingyou,toputwhathappenedoutofmymind,"shesaidsuddenly."ButI'mnot.Ienjoybeingwith
you.Idon'tfeelsoaloneanymore."
Shemighthavereadhismind.Thetensioninhimrelaxedalittle.Hefinishedhistea."Inthatcase,
we'llgotheparkandfeedthepigeons."
Herfacelitup.Thatwouldmeanafewmorepreciousminutesinhiscompany.Italsomeantthathe
wasn'tangrywithher.
"Noneedtoaskifyou'dliketo,"hemurmureddryly."Finishyourtea,littleone."Shedrainedthecup
obedientlyandgotup,waitingforhimtojoinher.
Theystrolledthroughtheparkoverlookingthelake.Thewindwasblowing,asitalwaysdid,andshe
enjoyedthefeelofitinherhair.Heboughtpopcornfromavendorandtheysatonabenchfacingthe
water,tossingthetreattothefatpigeons.
"We'reprobablygivingthemhigh-bloodpressure,highcholesterol,andhearttrouble,"sheobserved
asthebirdswaddledfromonepieceofpopcorntothenext.Heleanedbackonthebench,onearm
overtheback,andlookeddownatherindulgently.
"Popcornishealthierthanbread.Butyoucouldaskthemtostopeatingit."Shelaughed."I'dbe
committed."
"Oh,I'dsaveyou."Hetossedanotherkerneltothepigeonsandstaredoutatthelake,wheresailboats
werevisibleinthedistance."Jacobsvilledoesn'thavealakethissize,”hemurmured."Wehavea
smalloneontheranch,butwe'reprettylandlockedbackhome."
"I'vegottenusedtoseeingthesailboatsandmo-torboatshere,"shesighed,followinghisgaze.
"Icanseethemouttheofficewindowonaclearday."Shetuckedloosestrandsofhairbackbehind
herear."Thewindneverstops.Isupposethelakeaddstoit."
"Morethanlikely,"hereplied."IusedtospendagoodbitoftimedownintheCaribbean.Itblows
nonstoponthebeachaswell."
"Andoutontheplains,"shemurmured,smilingassherememberedherchildhoodonaranchin
SouthDakota.Somethingshehadn'ttoldhimabout.
"Prettycountry,"hesaid."WehadaninterestinaranchupinMontana,afewyearsback.Itfolded.
Badwater.Saltleachingkilledtheland."
"Whatkindofcattledoyouraise?"sheasked.
"PurebredSantaGertrudismostly.Butwerunacow-calfoperationalongsideit.Thatmeanswe
producebeefcattle,"heexplained.
Sheknewthatinstantly,andmore.She'dgrownupinranchingcountryandknewquiteabitabouthow
beefwasproduced,butshedidn'tsayso.Itwasnicertolethimexplainhowitworked,tositandlisten
tohisdeep,quietvoice.
Herlunchhourwasupbeforesherealizedit.Shegottoherfeetwithrealreluctance."Ihavetogo,"
shesaidmiserably.
Hestoodupbesideher,hispaleblueeyesonherdownbenthead.Herammedhishandsintohis
pocketsandgloweredatthedejectedpictureshemade.Heknewwhathehadtodo,though.
"I'mgoinghome,Miranda,"hesaidshortly.
Shewasn'tsurprised.He'dactedasifhewashereagainsthisbetterjudgment,andshecouldn'tblame
him.Herconsciencewasbeatingheroverthehead,becauseitdidn'tfeelrighttobegoingonadate
whenherhusbandwasonlydeadamonth.
Shelookedup.Hisexpressiongavenothingaway,butsomethingwasflickeringinhiseyes."Idon't
knowwhatwouldhavehappenedtomeifithadn'tbeenforyou,"shesaid."Iwon'tforgetyou."His
jawwenttaut.Hewouldn'tforgether,either,buthecouldn'tputitintowords.Heturned,beginningthe
longwalkbacktoheroffice.Itshouldn'thavefeltsopainful.Inrecentyears,therehadn'tbeena
womanhecouldn'ttakeinhisstrideandwalkawayfrom.ButMirandalookedlostandvulnerable.
"I'maloner,"hesaidirritably."Ilikeitthatway.Idon'tneedanyone."
"IsupposeI'mnotverygoodatbeingalone,"shereplied."ButI'lllearn.I'llhaveto."
"Youwerealonebeforeyoumarried,weren'tyou?"heasked.
"Notreally.IlivedwithSamandJoan.ThenIdecidedthatenoughwasenough,soIimprovedmyself
andfoundTim."Shesighedwearily."ButIguessIwasalone,ifyoustopandthinkaboutit.Evenafter
TimandIgotmarried,healwayshadsomeplacetogowithoutme.ThenIgotpregnant,butthat
wasn'tmeanttobe."Shefeltherbodytauten.Itwasstillhardtothinkaboutthechildshe'dlost;about
herpartinitsloss.Shefeltaminute'spanicatlosingHarden,nowthatshe'dbeguntodependonhim.
Sheglancedathim."ImarriedtooquicklyandIlearnedahardlesson:thereareworsethingsthan
yourowncompany."
"Yes."Helethispaleeyesslidedowntomeethers."You'vegivenmeanewperspectiveonwomen.I
supposetherearesomedecentonesintheworld."
Shesmiledsadly."Highpraise,comingfromyou."
"Higherthanyourealize.Imeantit.Ihatewomen,"hesaidcurtly.Thatwassad.Sheknewitwas
probablybecauseofhismother,andshewonderedifhe'devertriedtounderstandhowhismother
hadfelt.Ifhe'dneverloved,howcouldhe?
"You'vebeenverykindtome."
"I'mnotakindman,asarule.YoubringoutasideofmeIhaven'tseenbefore."Shesmiled."I'm
glad."
"I'mnotsureIam,"hesaid."Willyoubeallright?"
"Yes.I'vegotSamandJoan,youknow.Andtheworstofitisovernow.I'llgrievelongerforthebaby
thanIwillforTim,I'mafraid."
"You'reyoung.Therecanbeotherbabies."
Hereyesturnedwistful."Canthere?I'mnotsosure."
"You'llmarryagain.Don'tgiveuponlifebecauseyouhadsomehardknocks.Weallhavethem.But
wesurvive."
"Ineverfoundoutwhatyourswere,"sheremindedhim.
Heshrugged."Itdoesnogoodtotalkaboutthem."Hestoppedinfrontofherofficebuilding.
"Takecareofyourself,Miranda."
Shelookedupathimwithquietregret.Hewasaveryspecialman,andshewasabetterpersonfor
havingknownhimatall.Shewonderedhowdifferentherlifewouldhavebeenifshe'dmethim
beforeTim.HewaseverythingTimhadn'tbeen.Hewasthekindofmanawomanwoulddoanything
for.Buthewasoutofherreachalready.Itmadehersad.
"Iwill.You,too."Shesighed."Goodbye,Harden."Hesearchedhereyesforalongminute,untilher
bodybegantothrob."Goodbye."Heturnedandwalkedaway.Shewatchedhimhelplessly,feeling^
morelostandalonethaneverbefore.
Hardenwasfeelingsomethingsimilar.Itshouldhavebeeneasytoendsomethingthathadnever
reallybegun,butitwasn't.She'dlookedsovulnerablewhenhe'dlefther.Herfacehauntedhim
already,andhewasonlyafewyardsaway.
IfonlyhismindwouldstoprememberingthesoftnessofMiranda'ssilvereyes,lookingupathimso
trustingly.He'dneverhadawomanleanonhimbefore.Hewassurprisedtofindthathelikedit.He
felthimselfhesitating.
Hisstepsslowed.Hemutteredaharshcurseasheturned.Sureenough,Mirandawasstillstanding
there,lookinglost.Hefelthimselfwalkingbacktoherwithoutunderstandinghowithappened.A
minutelater,hewastoweringoverher,seeinghisownhelplessreliefmirroredinhersoftgrayeyes.
Hereyessearchedhisinthesilencethatfollowed.
"Whattimedoyougetoff—five?"heaskedtersely.
Shecouldhardlygetthewordout."Yes."
Henodded."I'llpickyouup."
"Thetrafficisterrible..."
Heglaredather."Sowhat?"
Shereachedoutandtouchedhisarm."Youcameback."
"Don'tthinkIwantedto,"hetoldherflatly."ButIcan'tseemtohelpmyself.Gotowork.We'llfind
someexoticplaceforsupper."
"Icancook,"shevolunteered."Youcouldcometomyapartment."
"Andletyouspendhalfthenightinthekitchenafteryou'veworkedallday?"heasked.Heshookhis
head."Noway."
"Areyousure?"
Hesmiledfaintly."No.Butwe'llmanage.I'llbeoutfrontwhenyougetoff.Areyouusuallyontime?"
"Always,"shesaid."Thebossisasticklerforpromptness,evenwhenitcomestogettingofffrom
work."Shestaredupathimforalongmoment,ignoringpassers-by,herheartsinging."Oh,I'mglad
youstayed!"shesaidsoftly.
"Evenifitwasagainstmybetterinstincts?"
"WillithelpifItellyouthatyoumighthavesavedmysanity,ifnotmylife?"shereplied.Hestudied
herforalongmoment"Itwillhelp.I'llseeyoulater."Hewatchedhergoinsidethebuilding,hisface
stilltautwithreluctantneed.Itsurprisedhimthathecouldfeelatall,whenhisemotionshadlivedin
limboforsolong.Afterhelefther,hespenttherestofthedaygettingacquaintedwiththecity.Itwas
bigandbusyandmuchlikeanyothercity,butheenjoyedthehugemodernsculpturesandtheethnic
restaurantsandthemuseums.Hefeltlikeanytouristbythetimehe'dshoweredandchangedandgone
backtopickupMiranda.
Shewasbreathlesswhenshegottohiminthelobby.
"Iranalltheway,"shepanted,holdingontothesleevesofhisgraysuitcoatasshefoughtforbreath.
"Wewerelatetoday,ofalldays!"
Hesmiledfaintly."Iwouldhavewaited."
"IguessIknewthat,butIhurried,allthesame."
Heescortedhertothecarandputherinside."IfoundaPolynesianplace.Everhadpoi?"
"Notyet.Thatsoundsadventurous.ButIreallywouldliketochangefirst..."
"Noproblem."Herememberedwithoutbeingtoldwhereherapartmentwas.Hedroveherthere,
findingaparkingspotnearthehouse—amiracleinitself,shetoldhimbrightly.
Hewaitedinthelivingroomwhileshechanged.Hiscuriositygotthebestofhimandhebrowsed
throughherbookshelfandstaredaround,learningabouther.Shelikedbiographies,especiallythose
thatdealtwiththelatenineteenthcenturyoutWest.Shehadcraftbooksandplentyofspecificworks
onvariousPlainsIndiantribes.Thereweremusicbooks,too,andhelookedaroundinstinctivelyfor
aninstrument,buthedidn'tfindone.
Shecameout,stillhurriedlyfasteningapearlnecklaceoverthesimpleblacksheathdressshewas
wearingwithstrappyhighheels.Herhairwasloose,butneatlybrushed,hangingoverhershoulders
likeblacksilk.
"Isthisallright?"sheasked."Ihaven'tbeenoutmuch.Timlikedcasualplaces.IfI'moverdressed,I
canchange,butyou'rewearingasuitandIthought—!"Hemovedclosetoherduringtherushof
wordsandquietlylaidhisthumbsquareoverherprettylips,haltingthem.
"Youlookfine,"hesaid."There'snoreasontobenervous."
"Isn'tthere?"sheasked,forcingasmile."I'mallthumbs.IfeelasifI'meighteenagain."Thesmile
faded."Ishouldn'tbedoingthis.Myhusbandhasonlybeendeadafewweeks,andIlostmybaby.I
shouldn'tgoout,Ishouldstillbeinmourning,"shestammered,tryingtomakesenseofwhatwas
happeningtoher.
"Webothknowthat,"heagreed."Itdoesn'thelpverymuch."
"No,"sherepliedwithasadsmile.
Hesighedheavily."Icangobacktomyhotelandpack,"hesaid,"orwecangoouttodinner,whichis
thebestsolution.Ifithelps,thinkofusastwolonelypeoplehelpingeachotherthroughabadtime."
"Areyoulonely,Harden?"sheasked.
Hedrewinaslowbreathandhishandtouchedherhairverylightly."Yes,I'mlonely,"hesaidharshly.
"I'veneverbeenanyotherway."
"Alwaysontheoutsidelookingin,"shemurmured,watchinghisfacetauten."Yes,Iknowhowit
feels,becauseinspiteofSamandJoan,that'showitwaswithme.IthoughtTimwouldmakeitall
comeright,butheonlymadethingsworse.HewantedwhatIcouldn'tgivehim."
"This?"heasked,andslowly,slowly,tracedaroundthefirm,fullcurveofhermouth,watchingher
lipspartandfollowhisfingerhelplessly.Shereactedtohiminstantly.Itmadehisheadspinwith
delicioussensations.
Shecaughthiswrist,stayinghishand."Please,"shewhispered,swallowinghard."Don't."
"Doesitmakeyoufeelguiltytoletmepleasureyou?"heaskedquietly."Itisn'tsomethingIoffervery
often.ImeantwhatIsaid,Idetestwomen,asarule."
"IguessIdofeelguilty,"sheadmitted."Iwasdrivingandtwoliveswerelost."Hervoicebroke.
"Itwasmyfault...!"
Hedrewhertohimandenvelopedherinhishardarms,holdingherwhilethetearsfell."Give
yourselftime.Desperationwon'tsolvetheproblemorstopthepain.Youhavetobekindtoyourself."
"Ihatemyself!"
Hislipsbrushedhertemple."Miranda,everyonehasasecretshame,asearingguilt.It'spartofbeing
human.Believeme,youcangetthroughthepainifyoujustthinkpastit.Thinkahead.Findsomething
tolookforwardto,evenifit'sjustamovieoreatingataspecialrestaurantoraholiday.Youcan
surviveanythingifyouhavesomethingtolookforwardto."
"Doesitwork?"
"Itgotmethroughmyownroughtime,"hereplied.
Shedrewback,brushingathertear-streakedcheeks."Wanttotellmewhatitwas?"sheaskedwitha
waterysmile.
Hesmiledback,gently."No."
Shesighed."You'reaveryprivateperson,aren'tyou?"
"Ithinkthat'satraitweshare,"Hedrewback,pullingheruprightwithhim.Thenecklineofherdress
washighandverydemureandheliftedaneyebrowatit.
"Idresslikeamiddle-agedwoman,isn'tthatwhatyou'rethinking?"shemuttered.Helaughedout
loud."I'mafraidso.Don'tyouhavesomethingalittlemoremoderninyourcloset?"
Sheshiftedhershoulders."Yes.ButIcan'twearlownecklinesbecause..."Hetiltedherchinup.
"Because...?"
Sheflushedalittleanddroppedhereyes."I'mnotexactlyoverendowed.I,well,IcheatalittleandifI
wearsomethinglowcut,youcantell."
Hepursedhislipsanddroppedhiseyestoherbodice."Nowyou'veintriguedme."Shemovedalittle
awayfromhim,feelingshyandnaive."Hadn'twebettergo?"Hesmiled."Nervousofme,Miranda?"
"Iimaginemostwomenare,"shesaidseriously,searchinghishardface."You'reintimidating."
"I'lltrynottointimidateyoutoomuch,"hepromised,andheldthedooropenforher.Asshepassed
himonthewayout,hewonderedhowlonghecouldcontainhisdesireforherwithoutdoing
somethingirrevocable.
ChapterFive
Forthenextfewdays,Hardentriednottothinkaboutthereasonsheshouldn'tbewithMiranda.She
wasinhisblood,asweetfeverthathecouldn'tcure.Themorehetriedtoresisther,themorehis
mindtormentedhim.Eventually,hegaveintoit,becausetherewasnothingelsehecoulddo.Work
waspilingupbackathomebecausehewasn'ttheretohelpEvan.Hismindwasanywhereexcepton
thejobthesedays.Moreandmore,hiswakingandsleepinghourswerefilledwiththesightof
Miranda'slovelyface.
Hehatedhisobsessionwithher.Hewasaconfirmedbachelor,wellabletoresistaprettyface.Why
couldn'theescapethisone?Herfigurewasreallynothingspectacular.Shewaspretty,butsowere
plentyofotherwomen.No,itwashernaturethatdrewhim;hersweet,gentlenaturethatgavemore
thanitasked.Sheenvelopedhimlikeasoftweb,andfightingitonlyentangledhimdeeper.Duringthe
pastfewdays,they'dbeeninseparable.Theywentouttodinneralmosteverynight.Hetookher
dancing,andlastnightthey'dgonebowling.Hehadn'tdonethatinyears.Itfeltunfamiliartobe
throwingballsdownalleys,andwhenhescored,Mirandawasasenthusiasticasifshe'ddoneit
herself.
Shelaughed.Sheplayed.Hewasfascinatedbythewayshecameoutofhershellwhenshewaswith
him,evenifhedidgetfrequentanddisturbingglimpsesoftheanguishinhersilvereyes.Hedidn't
touchher.Thatwasoneluxuryhewouldn'tallowhimself.Theyweretooexplosivephysically,ashe'd
foundoutthemorninghe'dtakenherhomefromthehotel.Instead,theytalked.Helearnedmore
abouther,andtoldhermoreabouthimselfthanhe'dsharedwithanyoneelse.Itwasatimeof
discovery,ofexploration.Itwasatimebetweenworlds,andithadtoendsoon.
"You'rebroodingagain,"sheremarkedashewalkedhertoherdoor.They'dbeenouttoeat,again,
andhe'dbeenpreoccupiedallnight.
"I'vegottogoback,"hesaidreluctantly.Helookeddownatherwithadarkfrown."Ican'tstayany
longer."
Sheturnedandunlockedherdoorslowly,withoutglancinghisway.She'dexpectedit.Itshouldn't
havesurprisedher.
"I'maworkingman,damnit,"hesaidshortly.
"Ican'tspendmylifewanderingaroundChicagowhileyou'reinyouroffice!"Shedidlookathim
then,withsoft,sadeyes."Iknow,Harden,"shesaidsoftly.Heshovedhishandsintohispockets."Can
youwritealetter?"Shehesitated."Aletter?Well,yes...I'veneverhadanybodytowriteto,ofcourse,"
sheadded.
“Youcanwritetome,"hesaid,hisvoicetersewithimpatienceandirritation."Itisn'tthesameas
havingtimetospendtogether,butit'sbetterthanphonecalls.Ican'ttalkonthephone.Icannever
thinkofanythingtosay."
"Me,too,"shesaid,smilingupathim.Herheartraced.Hehadtobeinterestedifhewaswillingto
keepintouch.Itliftedherspirits.
"Don'texpectaletteraday,"hecautionedher."I'mnotthatgoodatit."
"Idon'thaveyourmailingaddress,"shesaid.
"Getmeapieceofpaper.I'llwriteitdownforyou."
Hefollowedherintotheapartmentandwaitedwhilesheproducedapadandpen.Hescribbledthe
ranch'sboxnumberandzipcodeinabold,blackscrawlandgaveittoher.
"Thisismine,"shesaid,takingthepadandwritingdownherownaddress.Sheputthepadasideand
lookedupathim."You'vemadelifebearableforme.IwishIcoulddosomethingthatniceforyou."
Histeethclenched.Helethiseyesrundownthelengthoftheblackstrappydressshewaswearingto
longlegsencasedinnylonandsling-backpumpswithrhinestonebuckles.Hisgazecamebackupto
herlooseneddarkhairandhersoftovalfaceandhertrustingsilvereyes.
"Youcould,ifyouwantedto,"hesaidhuskily.
Sheswallowed.Hereitwas.Shehadn'tmistakenhisdesireforher,andnowhewasgoingtoask
somethingthatshedidn'tknowifshecouldgive.
"Harden...I...Idon'tlikeintimacy,"shesaidnervously.Hiseyebrowsarched.Hehadn'texpectedherto
besoblunt."Iwasn'tgoingtoaskyoutocometobedwithme,"hemurmureddryly."EvenIhave
morefinessethanthat."
Shetookasteadyingbreath."Oh."
"Butwhilewe'reonthesubject,"hesaid,pushingthedoorshutbehindhim,"whydon'tyoulike
intimacy?"
"It'sunpleasant,"shesaidflatly.
"Painful?"heprobed.
Sheputherpurseonatableandtracedpatternsonit,withoutlookingathim.Harshmemories
floodedintohermind."Onlyonce,"shesaidhesitantly."Imeanunsatisfying,Iguess.Embarrassing
andunsatisfying.Ineverlikedit."
Hepausedbehindher,hisleanhandscatchingherwaistandturningher,sothatshefacedhim.
"Didhearouseyouproperlybeforehetookyou?"heaskedmatter-of-factly.Shegasped.Herwide
eyesmethisasifshecouldn'tbelievewhathe'dsaid.Heshrugged."Idon'tfindituncomfortableto
talkabout.Neithershouldyou,atyourage."
"Ihaven'tevertalkedaboutit,though,"shestammered.
"Yourbrotherisadoctor,"hepointedout.
"But,mygoodness,SamisworsethanIam,"sheexclaimed."Hecan'tevensaythewordsexinfront
ofpeople.He'saveryrepressedman.Straitlaced,isn'tthattheword?AndJoanisadear,butyoucan't
talktoherabout...intimacy."
"Thentalktomeaboutit,"hereplied."Thatfirstmorning,whenIkissedyou,youweren'tafraidof
beingintimatewithme,wereyou?"
Shenibbledherlowerlip."No,"shesaid,herfaceflaming.
"Wasitlikethatwithyourhusband?"
Shehesitated.Thensheshookherhead.
"There'sachemistrybetweenpeoplesometimes,"hesaid,watchingherface."Anexplosiveneedthat
pullsthemtogether.Ihaven'tfeltitoften,andneverquitelikethis.Igatherthatyou'veneverfeltitat
allbefore."
"That's...fairlyaccurate."
Hetuckedhishandunderherchinandliftedhershyeyestohis."Sex,inordertobegood,hastohave
thatexplosivequality.That,andafewotheringredients—likerespect,trust,andemotional
involvement.It'sanelusivecombinationthatmostpeopleneverfind.Theysettleforwhattheycan
get."
"LikeIdid,youmean,"shesaid.
Henodded."Likeyoudid."Heliftedoneleanhandtoherfaceandverylightlytracedhermouth,
watchingitpart,watchingherbreathingchangesuddenly."Feelit?"heaskedsoftly."Thattightening
inyourbodywhenItouchyourmouth,thewayyourbreathcatchesandyourpulseraces?"
"Yes."Sheswallowed."Harden,doyoufeelit?"
"Tothesolesofmyfeet,"hereplied.Hebentandliftedher,verygently,inhisarms,hiseyesonher
face."Letmemakelovetoyou.Setanylimitsyoulike."Thetemptationmadeherheartrace.She
droppedhereyestohisthinmouthandwanteditbeyondbearing."Don't...don'tmakemepregnant,"
shewhispered."Idon'thaveanythingtouse."Hisbodyshuddered.Ithumbledhimthatshe'dlethim
gothatfar."Idon'thaveanythingtouse,either,sowecan'tgoallthewaytogether,"hesaid
unsteadily."Doesthatreassureyou?"
"Yes."
Hemovedtowardthebedroom,andstoppedwhenhenoticedhereyesdartingnervouslytothebed.
"Hemadelovetoyouthere,"hesaidsuddenly,hiseyesblazingasheguessedthereasonforher
hesitation.Helookeddownintoherface."Wasitalwaysthere?"
"Yes,"shewhispered.
"Howaboutonthesofa?"
Herbodytensedwithanticipatedpleasure."No."
Hewhirledonhisheelandcarriedhertothelong,cushysofa.Heputherdownonitandstood
lookingatthelengthofherwitheyesthatmadeherbodymoverestlessly.Shefeltuneasy.Hewas
probablyusedtowomenwhowerevoluptuousandperfectlyfigured,andshehadplentyof
inhibitionsaboutherbodythatTimhadgivenher.Thepaddedbrahadbeenhisidea,becausehenever
thoughtshewasadequate.
HardensawthehesitationinMiranda'sbigeyesandwonderedatit.Heunfastenedhistieandtossedit
intothechairbesidethesofa.Hisjacketfollowed.Heheldhereyeswhilehishandslowlyunbuttoned
thewhiteshirtunderit,revealingthebreadthandstrengthofhishair-mattedchest.Helikedtheway
Miranda'seyeslingeredonhistorso,thehelplessdelightinthem.
"Doyoulikewhatyousee?"heaskedarrogantly.
"Can'tyoutell?"shewhispered.
Hesatdownbesideher,hishandslidingunderherbacktofindthezipperofherdress."We'll
comparenotes."
Butherhandscaughthisarmsassherealizedwhathewasgoingtodo.Allherinsecuritiesflamedon
herface.
Hefrowned.Andthenheremembered.Histhinmouthpulledintoasoft,secretivesmile:"Ah,Isee.
Thepaddedbra,"hewhispered.
Sheblushedscarlet,butheonlylaughed.Itwasn'tacruellaugh,either.Itwasasifhewasgoingto
sharesomedelicioussecretwithher,andwantedhertoenjoyit,too.Hishandslowlypulledthe
zipperdown.Heignoredthenervoushandstryingtostophim."WillithelpifItellyouthatsizeonly
matterstoadolescentboyswhonevergrowup?"heaskedsoftly.
"Timsaid..."
"I'mnotTim,"hewhisperedashismouthgentlycoveredhers.Shefelttheverytextureofhislipsas
hebrushedthemlightlyoverandaroundhers.Hecaughthertoplipbetweenhisteethandtouchedit
withhistongue,asifheweresavoringthetasteofthedelicateinnerflesh.Herbreathstoppedinher
throatbecauseitwasveryarousing.Andmeanwhile,hewasslidingthedressoffhershoulders,along
withherbrastraps.
"You...mustn't,"sheprotestedjustonce.
Hehesitatedasthedressslidtotheuppercurvesofherfirmbreasts."Why?"heaskedsoftly,hislips
touchinghermouthashespoke.
"It's...it'stoosoon,"shesaid,hervoicesoundingpanicky.
"No,that'snotthereason,"hemurmured.Heliftedhisheadandsearchedhersilvereyes."Youthink
I'llbedisappointedwhenIlookatyou."Hesmiled."You'rebeautiful,Miranda,andyouhaveaheart
asbigasalloutdoors.Thesizeofyourbreastsisn'tgoingtomattertome."Thecolorcameintoher
cheeksagain.EvenTimhadneversaidanythingsointimatetoher.
"Soinnocent,"hesaidsolemnly,allthehumorgone."Hedidn'tleavefingerprints,didhe?ButI
promiseyou,Iwill."Hishandsmoved,drawingthefabricawayfromherfirm,highbreasts,andhe
lookeddownatthemwithmasculineappreciation.
Shedidn'tevenbreathe.Herheartwasracingmadly,andshefelthernipplesbecomehardunderthat
silent,intentscrutiny.Shemightbesmall,buthewasn'tlookingatherasifheminded.Hiseyeswere
findingeverydifferenceincolor,intexture,sketchingherwiththeabsorptionofanartist.
"SometimesIthinkGodmustbeanartist,"hesaid,echoinghersilentthoughts."ThewayHecreates
perfectionwithjusttherightformandmixofcolors,thebeautyofHiscompositions.Igetbreathless
lookingatasunset.ButIgetmorebreathlesslookingatyou."Hiseyesfinallyliftedtohers.
"Whyareyouself-consciousaboutyoursize?"
"I..."Sheclearedherthroat.Incredible,tobelyingherenakedfromthewaistupandlisteningtoaman
talkaboutherbreasts!"Well,TimsaidIwastoolittle."Hesmiledgently."Didhe?"
Heseemedtofindthatamusing.Hishandsmovedagain,andthistimeshedidprotest,buthebentand
gentlybrushedhereyelidsshutwithhismouthasheeasedtherestofthefabricdownherbody.In
seconds,hehadhertotallyundressed.
Heliftedhisheadthenandlookedather,hiseyessoftandquietasshelaytrembling,helpless.
"Iwon'teventouchyou,"hewhispered."Don'tbeembarrassed."
"But...I'venever—!"shestammered.
"Noteveninfrontofyourhusband?"heasked.
"Hedidn'tlikelookingatme,"shemanagedunsteadily.
Hesighedsoftly,hiseyesonherbreasts,thecurveofherwaist,herflatbellyandtheshadowofher
womanhoodthatledtolong,elegantlegs."Miranda,Ifearforthesanityofanymanwhowouldn't
likelookingatyou,"hesaidfinally."IsweartoGod,youknockthebreathrightoutofme!"Hereyes
fellinshockeddelight,andlandedonapointsouthofhisbeltthatspokevolumes.Shegaspedaudibly
andavertedhergazetohischest.
"I'vealwaystriedtohidethatreactionwithotherwomen,"hesaidfrankly."ButIdon'tmindvery
muchifyouseeit.Iwantyouverybadly.I'mnotashamedofit,evenifitisthewrongtime.Lookat
me,Miranda.Idon'tthinkyou'veeverreallylookedatamaninthiscondition."Histonecoaxedher
eyesbacktohisbody,butsheliftedhergazealittletooquicklyandhesmiled.
"Doesn'titmakeyouuncomfortable?"sheblurtedout.
"What?Lettingyoulook,orbeingthisway?"
"Both."
Hetouchedhermouthwithaleanforefinger."I'menjoyingeverysecondofit."
"SoamI,"shewhisperedasifitwereaguiltysecret.
"Willyouletmetouchyou?"heaskedsoftly,searchinghereyes."Ithastobebecauseyouwantit.In
this,Iwon'tdoanythingthatevenhintsofforceorcoercion."Herheadwaswhirling.Shelookedat
himandfireskindledinherbody.Shewantedtoknowwhatitfeltliketohavehishandsonher,tofeel
pleasure.
"WillIlikeit?"shewhispered.
Hesmiledgently."Oh,Ithinkso,"hemurmured.
Hebent,andverylightlybrushedhislipsoveronefirmbreast,histeethgrazingthenipple.She
gaspedandshivered."You...didn'ttellmeyouweregoingtodothat!"sheexclaimed,hersilvereyes
likesaucers.
Heliftedhisheadandsearchedthem."Didn'tI?"Hesmiledagain."Isitallright?"Havinghimaskher
thatmadehergoboneless.Timhadalwaystaken,demanded,hurther.Thefunnythingwasthatshe'd
thoughtitwouldbelikepleadingifamanaskedfirst,butHardenlookedimpossiblyarrogantandit
didn'tsoundanythinglikepleading.Herwholebodytrembledwithshockedpleasure.
"Yes,"shewhispered."It'sallright."
"Inthatcase..."
Hisleanhandsliftedherbodyinanarchsothathislipscouldsettleandfeedonhersoftbreasts.She
couldn'tbelievewhatwashappeningtoher.She'dneverfeltpleasurebefore.Whatshe'dthoughtwas
desirehadbeennothingmorethaninfatuation,andthiswasthestarkreality.Itwashotandsharpedged
andtotallyoverwhelming.Shewashelplessasshe'dneverbeen,livingonlythroughthehardmouth
thatwasteachingherbodyitsmostsensitiveareas,throughthehandsthatweresogentlycontrolling
her.
Herhandswereinhisthick,darkhairandhismouthwassuddenlyonhers,forcingherlipsapartwith
atenderferocitythatmadehertotallyhis.
"Don'tpanic,"hewhispered.
Shedidn'tunderstanduntilshefelthimtouchherinawaythatevenTimneverhad.Shecriedoutand
arched,herbodygoingrigid.
Hardenlookeddownather,buthedidn'tstop,evenwhenhefeltherhandsfightinghim."Justthis,
sweetheart,"hewhispered,watchinghereyes."Justthis.Letithappen.Itwon'thurt."Shecouldn'tstop.
Itwaslikegoingoveracliff.Sherespondedbecauseitwasimpossiblenotto,herfacetautwithpanic,
hereyeswildwithit.Shewasenjoyingit,andshecouldn'tevenpretendnotto.Hewatchedherface,
smilingwhenshebegantowhimper,feelingherresponses,feelingherpleasure.Whenitspiraledup
suddenlyandarchedhersilkybody,whensheweptandtwistedandthencriedout,convulsing,hefelt
asifhe'dexperiencedeverythinglifehadtooffer.Hecradledherinhisarmswhileshecried,hislips
gentleonherclosedeyes,sippingawaythetears.
"Amazing,whatamancandowhenhesetshismindtoit,"hewhisperedagainsthermouth.
"I’mgladtoseethatmyinstinctshaven'twornout.AlthoughI'vereadaboutthat,I'veneverdoneit
before."
Hereyesflewopen.Shewasstilltrembling,butthroughtheafterglowofsatisfaction,shecouldsee
themutedpleasureinhiseyes.
"Never?"sheexclaimed.
"Whyareyoushocked?"heasked."I'mnoplayboy.Womenarestillprettymuchamysterytome.
Lesssonow,"headdedwithawickedgleaminhiseyes.
Sheblushedandhidherfaceinhisthroat.Hishair-roughenedchestbrushedherbreastsandshe
stiffenedatthepleasurablesensationsthatkindledinher.Involuntarilyshepressedcloser,pushingher
hardnipplesintothethickhairsothattheybrushedhisskin.Hewenttautagainsther."No,"he
whispered.
Hesoundedthreatened,andshelikedhissuddenvulnerability.He'dseenherhelpless.Shewantedto
seehimthesameway.Shebrushedagainsthim,drawingherbreastssensuallyacrosshisbroadchest
untilshefelthimshudder.Hisbighandscaughtherarmsandtightened,buthedidn'ttrytomakeher
moveaway.
"Here."Heliftedher,sothatshesatoverhistautbody,facinghim,andthenhishandsbruisedherhips
andpulledhercloser,sothattheforceofhisarousalwasblatantagainsthersoftbelly.Hewrapped
herup,crushingherbreastsintohischest,andsatrockingherhungrily.
"Harden,"shewhispered.
Hisjawclenched.Hewaslosingit."Touchme,sweetheart."Herhandssmoothedoverhischest.
"No,"hegroundout."TouchmewhereI'maman."Shehesitated.Hismouthwhisperedoverher
closedeyes.Hecaughtoneofherhandsandslowlysmootheditdownoverhisflatstomach,his
breathcatchingwhenhepresseditgentlytohim.Herheartranawaywithher.She'dnevertouched
Timlikethat.TheintimatefeelofHarden'sbodymadeherthroballover.Shelikedtouchinghim.But
whenhebegantoslidethezipperdown,shejerkedherfingersawayandburiedherhotfaceinhis
throat.
"You'reright,"hesaidroughly,fasteningitback."I'mlettingitgotoofar.Muchtoofar."Heeasedher
awayandgotup,histallbodyshiveringalittlewithresidualdesireashefumbledacigaretteoutof
hispocketandlitit."Putyourthingsbackon,littleone,"hesaidhuskily.Shestaredathimwithher
blackdressinherhands."Youdon'twantmeto,"shewhispered.Hiseyesclosed."MyGod,no,Idon't
wantyouto,"hegroundout.Heturned,hisfacerigidwithunsatedpassion,hisbodyblatantwithit."I
wanttoburymyselfinsideyou!"Shetrembledatthestarkneed.Herlipspartedhelplessly."I...I'dlet
you,"shesaidfervently.Hisgazedroppedtoherbreastsandbeyondit,toherflatbelly.She'dhada
babythere.She'dlostthebabyandherhusband,andheshouldn'tbedoingthistoher.Heshouldn'tbe
takingadvantageofhervulnerability.
Heclosedhiseyesagainandturnedaway."Miranda,youaren'tcapableofmakingthatkindof
decisionrightnow.It'stoosoon."
Toosoon.Toosoon.Shecamebacktoherselfallatonce.Thiswastheapartmentshe'dsharedwith
Tim.She'dbeenpregnant.She'dlostcontrolofthecarandkilledherhusbandandherunbornchild.
Andonlyminutesbefore,she'dbeenbegginganothermantomakelovetoher.Shedraggedtheblack
dressoverherheadandfumbledthezipperup,herfacewhitewithreaction.Shebundleduptherest
ofherthingsandpushedthemdownbesidethesofacushion,becauseshewasshakingtoohardtoput
themon.Whathadshedone!
Hardenhadfastenedhisshirtandputhistieandjacketinplacebythetimeshedressed.Helooked
downatherwithquiet,sombereyesinafaceashardasstone."Iwon'tapologize.Itwastoosweetfor
words.Butit'stoosoonforlovemak-ing."
Shecouldn'tmeethiseyes."But,wedid..."
“Ipleasuredyou,"herepliedquietly."Bylove-making,Imeansex.IfIstayaroundheremuchlonger,
you'llgiveyourselftome."
"Youmakemesoundlikeaterribleweakling."Shelaughedmirthlessly.Hekneltjustinfrontofher,
hishandsbesideherhipsonthesofa."Miranda,itisn'taweaknessorasintowantsomeone.But
you'vegotatragedytoworkthrough.Bystayinghere,I'monlypostponingyourneedtoputitbehind
you,nottomentioncloudingyourgriefwithdesire.Iwantyou,baby,"hesaidhuskily,hiseyesfierce
astheymethers."Iwantyoujustasdesperatelyasyouwantme,butyou'vegot
tobesureit'snotjustmisplacedgrieforacrutch.Sexisseriousbusinesstome.Idon'tsleeparound,
ever."
Shewantedtoaskhimifheeverhad.Heseemedveryexperienced,buthedidn'tsoundasifsexwasa
minoramusementtohim.Hemightbeevenmoreinnocentthanshewas,andthatmadeherfeelless
embarrassedaboutwhatshe'dlethimdo.
Shesearchedhisface."Harden,Imightnothaveactedlikeit,butit'sseriousbusinesstome,too.Tim
wastheonlymanIeversleptwith."
"Iknow."Hecaughtherhandandheldthesoftpalmtohismouthhungrily."Butheneversatisfied
you,didhe?"
Sheswallowed.Finallyshegaveintothatblatantstare."Notlikeyoudid,no."Shehesitated.
"Youwanttoaskmesomething,"heguessedfromthatoddlook."Goahead.Whatisit?"
"WoulditfeellikethatifIgavemyselftoyou?Ifwewentalltheway?"sheaskedslowly.Hisfingers
clenchedonhers."Ithinkitmightbeevenmoreintense,"hesaidgruffly."Watchingyoualmostsent
meovertheedgemyself."
Shereachedoutandtouchedhisface,adoringthestrengthofitunderhercoolfingers.
"You...hadnothing,"sheexclaimedbelatedly.
Heonlysmiled."Don'tyoubelieveit,"hesaidwithadeep,somberlookinhispaleblueeyes.
"Andnow,I'vegottogo.I'veputitoffaslongasIcan."Hegottohisfeet.Mirandalethimpullherup
andherheartwasinhereyesasshegazedupathim.
“I’llmissyoumorethanever,now,"sheconfessed.
Hesighed.“I’llmissyou,too,littleone,"hesaidcurtly."Writetome.I'mascloseasthetelephone,if
youjustwanttotalk.You'llgetthroughthis,Miranda.Allyouneedisalittletime."
"Iknow.Youmadeitsomucheasier,though."
Hebrushedhisfingersthroughherunrulyhairandtiltedherfaceuptohishungryeyes."Itisn't
goodbye.Justsolong,forawhile."
Shenodded."Okay.Solong,then."
Hebentandkissedher,sotenderlythatshealmostcried."Begood."
"Ican'tbeanythingelse.Youwon'tbehere.Harden,"shesaidasheopenedthedoor.Helookedback,
hiseyebrowarchinginaquestion.
"Justremember,"shesaidwithforcedhumor."Yousavedmylife.Nowyou'reresponsibleforit."
Hesmiledgently."Iwon'tforget."
Hedidn'tsaygoodbye.Hegaveheronelong,lastlookandwentoutthedoor,closingitgentlybehind
him.Hehadn'treallysavedherlife,sheknew,becauseshehadn'tmeanttojumpoffthebridge.Butit
madeherfeelgoodtothinkthatsheowedittohim,thathecaredenoughtoworryabouther.Shehad
hisaddress,andshe'dwrite.Maybewhenshewasthroughthenaturalgrievingprocess,he'dcome
back,andshe'dhaveasecondchanceathappiness.Sheclosedhereyes,savoringtheintimacyshe'd
sharedwithhim.Shewonderedhowshewasgoingtoliveuntilshesawhimagain.
ChapterSix
Hardenwasgrumpywhenhegothome.Notthatanybodynoticed,becausehewasalwaysgrumpy.His
irritationdidn'timprove,either,whenhisbrotherConnalshowedup.
"Oh,God,no,herehecomesagain!"EvangroanedwhenthecarpulledupjustasheandHardenwere
comingdownthesteps.
"That'snowaytotalkaboutyourbrother,"Hardenchided.
"Justwait,"thebiggermansaidcurtly.
"Ican'tstandit!"Connalgreetedthem,throwinguphishands."Wegetallthewaytothehospital,I
makeallthenecessaryphonecalls,andtheysayit'sfalselabor!Herwaterhasn'tevenbroken!"
EvanandHardenexchangedglances.
"Heneedshelp,"Evansaid."Brokenwater?"
"Youwouldn'tunderstand,"Connalsaidheavily,hislean,darkfacewornandhaggard."I'vejustleft
hersleepinglongenoughtoaskMothertocomebackwithme.Pepineedsawomanaroundright
now."
"We'llstarve,"Evansaidmiserably.
"No,youwon't,"Hardenmuttered."Wehaveacook,remember."
"MothertellsJeanieMaywhattocook.You'dbetterworry,too,"Evansaidshortly."Evenifyoudon't
livehere,you'realwaysaroundwhenthefoodgoesonthetable."
"Don'tyoutwostart,I'vegotenoughproblems,"Connalmuttereddarkly.Evan'seyebrowsarched.
"Don'tlookatme.You'retheonewhomadePepipregnant.
"Iwantedchildren.Sodidshe."
"Thenstopmutteringandgohome."
Connalglaredatthebiggerman."Yourdaywillcome,"heassuredEvan."You'llbewalkingthe
streetsdreadingyourownWaterloointhedeliveryroom,waitandsee!"Evan'sfaceclouded.His
usualcarefreeexpressionwentintoeclipse."WillI?"heaskedonahardlaugh."Don'tbetonit."
Connalstartedtoquestionthatlook,butHardensteppedin.
"Theodora'sinthestudylookingupsomethingabouthowtorepairbathrooms,"hesaid.
"Theplumberwilllovethat,"Connalsaidknowingly."Don'tworry,I'llhaveheroutofherebefore
sheburstsanotherpipe."
"Lastonefloodedthebackhall,"Evanrecalled.
"Iopenedthedoorandalmostgotsweptdowntothesouthforty."
"She'sgotnobusinesstryingtofixthings.MyGod,shehadaflattireonthewheelbarrow!"Harden
exclaimed.
"Takestalent,"Evanagreed."Butdon'tkeephertoolong,willyou?Shetakesmysideagainsthim,"
hejerkedathumbatHarden.
"That'snothingnew,"Hardensaid,lightingacigarette."SheknowshowIfeelabouther."
"Onedayyou'llregretthat,"Connalsaid.Itwasn'tsomethingheusuallymentioned,butHarden's
attitudewasgettingtohim.Partofthereasonhe'dcomeforTheodorawasthathe'dnoticedher
increasingdepressionsinceHardenhadcomehomefromhisunexplainedstayinChicago.
"TellPepiweaskedabouther,"Hardensaideasily,refusingtorisetothebait.
"I'lldothat."
ConnalaskedaboutDonald,whowasawayagainwithhiswife,andafteraminutehesaidgoodbye
andwentintothehouse,leavingHardenandEvantogoabouttheirbusiness.Hardenclimbedbehind
thewheelbeforehisbrothercouldprotest.
"I'mnotridingwithyou,"hetoldEvanflatly."Yourfoot'stooheavy."
"Ilikespeed,"Evansaidbluntly.
"Lately,youlikeittoomuch."Hardenglancedathimandaway."Youhaven'tbeenyourselfsincethat
girlyouweredatingbrokeupwithyou."
Evan'sfacesetandheglancedoutthewindowwithoutspeaking.
"I'msorry,"hetoldEvan.“I’msorryashell.Buttherehastobeawomanforyousomewhere."
"I'mthirty-four,"Evansaidquietly."It'stoolate.Youusedtotalkaboutbeingaminister.MaybeI
shouldconsideritmyself."
"Aministerisn'tnecessarilycelibate,"hisbrotherreplied."You'rethinkingofapriest.Youaren't
Catholic,"headded.
"No,I'mnot.I'mthegiantinJackandtheBeanstalk,"hesaidwearily.Heputhishatbackon.
"I'msorryIdon'tsmoke,"hemurmured,eyeingHarden'ssmoke."Itmightkeepmeascoolasit
seemstokeepyou."
"I'mnotcool."Hardenstaredoutthewindshield."I'vegotproblemsofmyown."
"Miranda?"Evanaskedslowly.
Hardenstiffened.HisdreamshauntedhimwiththeimagesofMirandaasshe'dlethimseeherthatlast
nightatherapartment.Thetasteofhermouth,theexquisitesoftnessofherbodymadehimshiver
withpleasureeveninmemory.Hemissedherlikehell,buthehadtobepatient.HeglancedatEvan.
Hesighed,then,lettingitallout.Evanwastheonlyhumanbeingalivehecouldtalkto."Yes."
"Youcamehome."
"Ihadto.She'ssodamnedvulnerable.Icouldneverbesureitwasmeshewantedandnotawayto
avoidcopingwiththegrief."
"Doyouwanther?"
Hardentookadrawfromthecigaretteandturnedhishead.Hiseyeswereblazingasthememories
washedoverhim."LikeIwanttobreathe,"hesaid.
"Whatareyougoingtodo?"
Thebroadshouldersliftedandfell."Idon'tknow.I'llwritetoher,Iguess.MaybeI'llflytoChicago
nowandagain.Untilshe'scompletelyoverhergrief,Idon'tdarepushtoohard.Idon'twanthalfa
woman."
"Strange,"Evansaidquietly,"thinkingaboutyouwithawoman."
"Ithappenstousallsoonerorlater,didn'tConnalsay?"Evansmiled."Well,Miranda'sadish.When
youfinallydecidetogetinvolved,yousurepickawinner."
"It'smorethanthewayshelooks,"camethereply."She's...different."
"Thewomanusuallyis,"Evansaid,hisdarkeyessadinhisbroadface."Orsotheysay."
"You'llfindoutyourselfoneday,oldson."
"Thinkso?Icanhope,Isuppose."
"Whatwebothneedisadiversion."
Evanbrightened."Great.Let'sgototownandwreckabar."
"JustbecauseyouhatealcoholisnoreasontodoaCarrieNationonsomedefenselessbar,"his
brothertoldhimfirmly.
Evanshrugged."Okay,I'measy.Let'sgototownandwreckacoffeeshop."Hardenchuckledsoftly.
"Notuntilmyeyehealscompletely,"hesaid,touchingtheyellowishbruiseoverhischeekbone.
"Spoilsport.Well,Iguesswecangotothehardwarestoreandorderthatbutaneweneedtoheatthe
brandingirons."
“That'sbetter."
HardengothisfirstletterfromMirandatheverynextday.Itdidn'tsmellofperfume,anditwasina
perfectlyrespectablewhiteenvelopeinsteadofacolorfulone,butitwasnewsyandwarm.She
mentionedthatshe'dhaddinnerwithherbrotherandsister-in-lawtwice,andthatshe'dstartedgoing
totheirchurch—aBaptistchurch—withthemonSunday.Hesmiled,wonderingifhe'dinfluencedher.
Shewasn'taBaptist,buthewas;adeaconinhislocalchurch,wherehealsosanginthechoir.She
missedseeinghim,herletterconcluded,andshehopedthathecouldmaketimetowriteheronceina
while.
Shewasgoingtobeshocked,hedecidedashepulledupthechairtohisdeskandstartedtheword
processingprogramonhiscomputer.Hewroteseveralpages,aboutthenewbullsthey'dboughtand
thehopeshehadforthecrossbreedingprogramhe'dspokenaboutattheconferenceinChicago.
Whenhefinished,hechuckledathisownunfamiliarverbosity.Ofcourse,readingoverwhathe'd
written,hediscoveredthatitwasatotallyimpersonalletter.Therewasnothingwarmaboutit.He
frowned,fingeringthepaperafterhe'dprinteditout.Well,hecouldn'tverywellsaythathemissed
herlikehellandwishedhewasstillinChicago.Thatwouldbeoverdoingit.Withashrug,hesigned
theletterwithaflourishandsealeditbeforehecouldchangehismind.Personaltouchesweren'this
style.She'djusthavetogetusedtothat.
Mirandawassothrilledwhensheopenedthelettertwodayslaterthatshedidn'tatfirstnoticethe
impersonalstyleofit.Itwasonlyaftertheexcitementsubsidedthatsherealizedhemighthavebeen
writingittoastranger.
Consequentlyshebegantowonderifhewasreallyinterestedinher,orifhewastryingtofindaway
oflettingherdown,nowthattheyweresofarapart.Sherememberedhowsweetithadbeeninhis
arms,butthathadonlybeendesireonhispart.Sheknewmencouldfoolthemselvesintothinking
theycaredaboutawomanwhenitwasonlytheirglandsgettinginvolved.She'dgivenHardenplenty
oflicensewithherbody,anditstillmadeheruneasythatshe'dbeenthatintimatewithhimsosoon
afterTimandthebaby.Herownglandsweregivingherfits,becauseshecouldn'tstopremembering
howmuchpleasureHardenhadgivenher.Shemissedhimuntilitwaslikebeingcutinhalf.Butthis
letterhe'dwrittentoherdidn'tsoundlikehewasmissingher.Notatall.Shesatdownthatnightasshe
watchedtelevisionandtriedtowritethesamesortofnoteback.Ifhewantedtoplayitcool,she'ddo
herbesttofollowhislead.Shecouldn'tlethimknowhowbadlyshewantedtobewithhim,ormake
himfeelguiltyforthephysicalclosenessthey'dshared.Shehadtokeepthingslight,orshemight
inadvertentlychasehimaway.Shecouldn'tbearthat.Ifhewantedimpersonalletters,thenthat'swhat
he'dget.Shepushedhersadnesstothebackofhermindandbegantowrite.
Fromthere,itallbegantogodownhill.Hardenfrownedoverherreplyandhisownwasterseand
brief.Maybeshewasregrettingtheirtimetogether.Maybegriefhadfedherguiltandshewantedhim
toendit.Maybewhatthey'ddonetogetherwaswearingonherconscienceandsheonlywantedto
forget.He'dknownhewasrushingher.Whyhadn'thetakenmoretime?
OncehewasbackathisapartmentinHouston,hewasputtingthingsintoprospective.Therewasno
futurewithsomeonelikeMiranda,afterall.Shewasacitygirl.She'dneverfitintoranching.Hehad
hiseyeonasmallranchnearJacobsvilleandhe'dalreadyputadepositonit.Thehousewasn'tmuch.
Hewashavingitrenovated,buteventhenitwouldn'tbeashowplace.Itwasaworkingranch,andit
wouldlooklikeone.Mirandawouldprobablyhatethehardshipoflivingontheland,evenifhedid
makegoodmoneyatit.
Hestaredouthiswindowatthecitylights.Theofficebuildingwherethefamily'scorporateoffices
werelocatedwasvisibleinthedistanceamongtheglitteringlightsofdowntownHouston.Hesighed
wearily,smokingacigarette.Ithadbeenbetterwhenhe'dkepttohimselfandbroodedover
Theodora'sindiscretion.
Forthefirsttime,heallowedhimselftowonderifhismotherhadfeltforhisfatherthewayhefelt
withMiranda.Ifherhearthadfallenvictimtoapassionitcouldn'tresist.Ifshe'dlovedhisfatherso
muchthatshecouldn'trefusehimanything,especiallyachild.
HethoughtaboutthechildMirandahadlost,andwonderedhowitwouldbetogiveheranother,to
watchhergrowbigwithit.Herememberedhersoftcriesofpleasure,thelookofuttercompletionon
herface.Histeethgroundtogether.
Heturnedawayfromthewindowangrily.Mirandawrotehimthekindofletterhisbrothersmight,so
howcouldheimagineshecared?Shewasclosingdoorsbetweenthem.Shedidn'twanthim.Ifshe
did,whyhadn'therlaterletterbeenassweetandwarmasthatfirstone?
Themorehethoughtaboutthat,theangrierhegot.Daysturnedtoweeks,andbeforeherealizedit,
threemonthshadpassed.HewasstillwritingtoMiranda,againsthisbetterjudgment,buttheirletters
wereimpersonalandbrief.He'dallbutstoppedwritinginthepasttwoweeks.Thenaclientin
ChicagoaskedEvantoflyupandtalktohim.
Evanfoundanexcusenottogo.Connal,abrand-newfatherwithababyboytoplaywith,wasbackon
theranchheandPepi'sfatherownedinWestTexas.DonaldandJoAnnwerejustbackfromover-
seas,andHarden'syoungestbrothersaidflatlythathewasn'tgoinganywhereformonths—heandJo
Annhadhadtheirfilloftraveling.
“Lookslikeyou'reelected,"EvantoldHardenwithagrin."Callitfate."Hardenlookedhunted.He
pacedtheoffice."Ineedtostayhere."
"Youneedtogo,"Evansaidquietly."Ithasn'tgottenbetter,youknow.Youlookterrible.You'velost
weight,andyou'reworkingyourselftodeath.She'shadtimetogetherselfbacktogether.Goandsee
ifthemagic'sstillthere."
"Shewritesmebusinessletters.She'sprobablydatingsomebodyelsebynow."
"Gofindout."
Hardenmovedirritably.Thetemptationwasirresistible.ThethoughtofseeingMirandaagainmade
himfeelwarm.Hestudiedtheolderman."IguessImightaswell."
"I'llhandlethingshere.Haveagoodtrip."
Hardenheardthosewordsoverandover.HedeliberatelyputoffcallingMiranda.Hemettheclient,
settledhisbusiness,andhadlunch.Hewenttoamovie.Then,atfive,hehappenedtowalkpasther
officebuildingjustabouttimeforhertocomeout.
Hestoodbyatrafficsign,WesternlookinginapalegraysuitwithblackbootsandStetson,a
cigaretteinhishand.Hegotcurious,interestedlooksfromseveralattractivewomen,butheignored
them.Heonlyhadeyesforonewomanthesedays,evenifhewasn'tsureexactlyhowhefeltabout
her.Asirendistractedhimandwhenheglancedback,Mirandawascomingoutoftheentrance,her
darkhairaroundhershoulders,wearingapalegreenstripeddressthatmadehistemperaturesoar.
Herlonglegswereencasedinhose,herprettyfeetinstrappyhighheels.Shelookedyoungand
pretty,evenifshewasjustasthinasshe'dbeenwhenhelefther.
Shewasfumblinginherpurseforsomething,soshedidn'tlookupuntilhewasstandingdirectlyin
herpath.
Herexpressiontoldhimeverythinghewantedtoknow.Itwentfromshocktodisbelieftoutterdelight
inseconds,herhugesilveryeyeslikesaucersastheymethis.
"Harden!"shewhisperedjoyously.
"Noneedtoaskifyou'regladtoseeme,"hemurmureddryly."Hello,Miranda."
"Whendidyougethere?Howlongcanyoustay?Doyouhavetimetogetacupofcoffeewithme...!"
Hetouchedhisforefingertohersoftmouthwithasmile,oblivioustoonlookersandpedestriansand
motoriststhatspedpastthem."I'llanswerallthosequestionslater.I'mparkedoverhere.Let'sgo."
"Iwasfumblingforchangeforthebus,"shestammered,red-facedandshakenbyhisunexpected
appearance.Hereyesadoredhim."Ididn'thaveit.Haveyoubeenherelong?"
"Afewminutes.Igotinthismorning."Helookeddownather."You'restillthin,butyouhaveabit
morecolorthanyoudid.Isitgettingeasier?"
"Yes,"shesaid,nodding."It'samazingwhattimecanaccomplish.IthinkIhavethingsinperspective
now.I'mstillsadaboutthebaby,butI'mgettingoverit."HepausedathisrentedLincolnandopened
thepassengerdoorforher."I'mglad."Shewaiteduntilhegotinbesideherandstartedthecarbefore
shespoke."Ididn'tknowifI'dseeyouagain,"sheconfessed."Yourlettersgotshorterandshorter."
"Sodidyours,"hesaid,andhisdeepvoicesoundedvaguelyaccusing.
"Ithoughtmaybemyfirstonemadeyouuncomfortable,"sheconfessedwithasmile."Isortofused
yoursasapattern."
Hesmiled,too,becausethatexplainedeverything.Nowheunderstoodwhatshe'ddone,andwhy.
"Idon'tknowhowtowritealettertoawoman,"hesaidafteraminute,whenhe'dpulledintotraffic
andwasnegotiatinglanes."ThatwasthefirsttimeIeverhad."Herfacebrightened."Ididn'tknow."
Heshrugged."Noreasonyoushould."
"Howlongcanyoustay?"
"Ihadtoseeaclient,"hereplied."Ididthatthismorning."
"Then,you'reonyourwayhome.Isee,"shesaidquietly.Shetwistedherpurseonherlapandstared
outattraffic.Disappointmentlinedherface,butshedidn'tlethimsee."Well,I'mgladyoustoppedby,
anyway.Itwasanicesurprise."
Hecockedaneyebrow.Eithershewastransparent,orhewaslearningtoreadherverywell.
"Can'twaittogetridofme,canyou?"hemused."Ihadthoughtaboutstayinguntiltomorrow,at
least."Herfaceturnedtowardhis,andhereyesbrightened."Wereyou?Icouldcooksupper."
"Imightletyou,thistime,"hesaid."Idon'twanttowastethewholeeveninginarestaurant."
"Doyouneedtogobacktoyourhotelfirst?"sheasked.
"Whatfor?I'mwearingtheonlysuitIbroughtwithme,andI'vegotmywalletinmypocket."She
laughed."Thenwecanjustgostraighthome."
Herememberedwhereherapartmenthousewaswithoutanydifficulty.Heparkedthecarasclosetoit
ashecouldget,lockedit,andescortedherinside.
Whileshewaschangingintojeansandapinkknittop,hewanderedaroundherlivingroom.Nothing
hadchanged,exceptthatthereweremorebooks.Hepickeduponeofthepaperbacksonthetable
besidethecouchandsmiledathertaste.Detectivestoriesandromancenovels.
"IlikeErieStanleyGardner,"heremarkedwhenshewasbusyinthekitchen.
"SodoI,"shetoldhim,smilingoverhershoulderassheputcoffeeontoperk."AndI'mcrazyabout
SherlockHolmes—ontheeducationalchannel,youknow."
"Iwatchthatmyself."
Heperchedhimselfonastoolinfrontofherbreakfastbarandfoldedhisarmsonittostudyhertrim
figureassheworked.Sheproducedanashtrayforhim,butassheputitdown,hecaughtherwaistand
pulledherbetweenhislegs.
"Kissme,"hesaidquietly,holdinghergaze."It'sbeenalong,dryspell."
"Youhaven'tbeenkissedinthreemonths?"shestammered,alittlenervousoftheproximity.He
smiled."Ihatewomen,remember?Kissme,beforeyoustartonthesteak."Shesmiledjerkily."All
right."Sheleanedfore-ward,closedhereyes,andbrushedhermouthsoftlyagainsthis.
Hisleanhandtangledinherlonghairandheldherthere,takingover,partingherlips,deepeningthe
kiss.Hisbreathcaughtattheintensityofit,likealightningboltinthesilenceofthekitchen.
"Itisn'tenough,"hesaidtersely,drawingbackjustlongenoughtocrushouthiscigarette.Botharms
slidaroundherandbroughtherintimatelyclose,sothatherbellywasagainsthis,herfaceonan
unnervinglevelwithhisglitteryblueeyes."I'vemissedyou,woman,"hewhisperedroughly.His
mouthmetherswithenoughforcetopushherheadbackagainsthishand.Hewasroughbecausehe
wasstarvedforher,anditwasamutualthing.Shehesitatedonlyforasecondbeforeherarmswent
aroundhisneckandshepressedclosewithasoftmoan,lovingthewarmstrengthofhisbodyasshe
wasenvelopedagainstit.Shecouldhearhisbreathsighingoutashismouthgrewharderonhers,
bruisingherlips,pushingthemaparttogivehimtotalaccesstotheirmoistinnersoftness.Allatonce,
histonguepushedpastherlipsandintohermouth,andasensationlikeliquidfireburstinher
stomach.Itwasasintimateaslovemaking.Shefeltherwholebodybegintothrobashetastedherina
quick,hardrhythm.Shemadeasoundshe'dneverheardfromherthroatinherlifeandshudderedas
shemovedclosertohim,herlegstremblingagainsthis.
"Yes,"hebreathedunsteadilyintohermouth.“Yes,sweetheart,like...that...!"Hestoodup,takingher
withhim,oneleanhanddroppingtoherhipstogrindthemintohisown.Shestiffenedathisfierce
arousal,butheignoredherinstinctivewithdrawal.
"It'sallright,"hewhispered."Relax.Justrelax.Iwon'thurtyou."Hisvoicehadtheoddesteffecton
her.Thestrugglewentoutofherallatonce,andshegaveintohimwithanunsteadysigh.Herhands
pressedgentlyintohisshirtfrontandlingeredtherewhilethekisswentonandonandshefeltaslight
tremorinhisownpowerfullegs.Heliftedhisheadfinallyandlookeddownather,breathing
unsteadily,fightingtocontrolwhathefeltforher.
Hishandsatherwaisttightenedandthehelpless,submissivelookonhersoftfacepushedhimover
theedge."Isthereanythingcookingthatwon'tkeepforafewminutes,Miranda?"heaskedquietly.
Sheswallowed."No.But..."
Hebentandliftedhergentlyintohisarmsandcarriedheroutofthekitchen."Don'tbeafraid,little
one,"hesaidquietly.
"Harden,Idon't...I'mstillnotusinganything,"shestammered.Hedidn'tlookatherashewalkedinto
herbedroom."Wewon'tmakelove."
Herlipsparted.Theyfeltsoreandtheytastedofhimwhenshetouchedthemwithhertongue.Helaid
herdownonthebedandstoodlookingatherforalongmomentbeforehesatdownbesideherand
benttotakehermouthsoftlyunderhisonceagain.
Thelookinhiseyesfascinatedher.Itwasdesiremingledwithirritationandsomethingdarker,
somethingfarlessidentifiable.Hisgazefelltotheunsteadyriseandfalloftheknittopshewas
wearingandhishandmovedtosmoothdownhershouldertohercollarbone.
"Nobratonight?"heaskedbluntly,meetinghereyes.
Sheflushed."I..."
Heputalongforefingeronherlips."Whatwedotogetherisbetweenyouandme,"hesaidsolemnly.
"Notevenmyownbrothersknowanythingaboutmypersonallife.Iwantverybadlytotouchyou
again,Miranda.Ithinkyouwantitjustasmuch.Ifyoudo,thereisn'treallyanyreasonwecan't
indulgeeachother."
Shesearchedhiseyesquietly."Icouldn'tsleep,fordreamingabouthowitwasbetweenus,lasttime,"
shewhispered.
"NeithercouldI,"hereplied.Hishandsmovedtoherwaistandbroughtherintoasittingposition.
Gentlyheremovedthepinkknittopandputitaside,lettinghiseyesadoreherpinkandmauvenudity.
Hesmiledwhenhernippleswenthardunderthescrutiny.
Herhandstouchedhisleancheekshesitantlyandsheshiveredasshedrewhisfacetowardher,
archingherbacktoshowhimwhatshewantedmost.
"Here?"hewhispered,obligingher.
Shedrewinherbreathashismouthopenedoverherbreast,takingalmostallofoneinside.Thefaint
suctionmadehertremble,madehernailsbiteintotheshouldersofhissuitjacket.
"Too...manyclothes,Harden,"shewhispered.
Heliftedhisheadandpressedasoftkissonhermouthbeforehestoodup."Yes.Fartoomany."He
watchedherwhileheremovedeverythingabovehisbelt,enjoyingthewayhereyessketchedover
him.
"Harden,"shebeganshyly,hereyesfallingtothewidesilverbelt.
"No,"hesaid,readingthequestioninhereyes.Hesatdownbesideheranddrewhergentlyacrosshis
lap,movingherbreastsintothethickmatofhairoverhischest."IfItakeanythingelseoff,we'llbe
lovers."
"Don'tyouwantto?"sheaskedbreathlessly.
"Yes,"hesaidsimply."Butit'sstilltoosoonforthat."Helookeddownwhereherpalebodywas
pressedtohisdarklytannedone."Iwantyoutocomehomewithme,Miranda."
ChapterSeven
Mirandadidn'tbelieveatfirstthatshe'dheardhim.Shestaredathimblankly."What?"Hemether
eyes."Iwantyoutocomehomewithme,"hesaid,shockinghimselfasmuchashewasobviously
shockingher."Iwantmorethanthis,"headded,draggingherbreastssensuallyagainsthisbarechest.
"Assweetasitis,Iwanttogettoknowallofyou,notjustyourbody."
"But...myjob,"shebegan.
"Ihaveinmindaskingyoutomarryme,oncewe'vegottenusedtoeachotheralittlemore,"hesaid
then,drivingthepointhome."Anddon'tlooksoshocked.YouknowaswellasIdothatwe'regoing
towindupinbedtogether.It'sinevitable.I'mnomoreliberatedthanyouare,sowehavetodo
something.Eitherwegetmarried,orwestopseeingeachotheraltogether.Thatbeingthecase,you
havetocomehomewithme."
"Andstay...withyou?"sheechoed.
"WithTheodora.Mymother,"heclarifiedit."I'mbuyingaplaceinJacobsville,butitisn'treadyto
moveinto.Evenifitwas,"headdedwitharuefulsmile,"thingsaren'tdonethatwayinJacobsville.
You'dstaywithTheodoraanyway,tokeepeverythingaboveboard.Ordidn'tImentionthatIwasa
deaconinourBaptistchurch?"
"No,"shestammered."Youdidn't."
"Ithoughtaboutbeingaministeronce,"hemurmured,searchingherrapteyes."ButIdidn'tfeel
calledtoit,andthatmakesthedifference.Istillfeeluncomfortablewithso-calledmodernattitudes.
Holdingyoulikethisisonething.Sleepingwithyou—myconscienceisn'tgoingtoallowthat."
"Iwasmarried,"shebegan.
"Yes.Butnottome."Hesmiledgently,lookingdowntotheblatantthrustofhersoftbreastswiththeir
hardtipsbrushingagainsthischest."Anditdidn'tfeellikethis,didit?"
"No,"sheadmitted,goingbreathlesswhenhebrushedherbodylazilyagainsthis."Oh,no,itdidn't
feelanythinglikethis!"Shepressedevencloser,grippinghisshoulderstightly."Butyousayyouhate
women.Howareyougoingtomanagetomarryme?"
"Ididn'tsayIhatedyou,"hereplied.Hishandstangledinherhairandraisedherfacetohisquieteyes.
"I'veneverwantedanyonelikethis,"hesaidsimply."AllI'vedonesinceIleftChicagoisbroodover
you.Ihaven'tlookedatanotherwomaninallthattime."Shedrewbackalittle,tinglingwithpleasure
whentheactiondrewhiseyesimmediatelytoherbreasts.Shedidn'ttrytohidethemthistime.
Afteraminute,heliftedhiseyestohersandsearchedthem,readingwithpinpointaccuracythepride
andpleasurethere."Youlikeit,don'tyou?"heaskedquietly."Youlikemyeyesonyou."
"Yes,"shesaidhesitantly.
"Shameisn'tsomethingyoushouldfeelwithme,"hetoldher."Notever.Iknowtoomuchaboutyou
tothinkyou'reeasy."
Shesmiledthen."Thankyou."
Hisleanhandssmootheddowntoherwaist,andheshookhishead."Ican'timaginebeingabletodo
thisanytimeIplease,doyouknowthat?"hesaidunexpectedly."I'veneverhad...anyoneofmyown
before."Itsurprisedhimtorealizethatitwastrue.He'dthoughthehad,once,butithadbeenmore
illusionthanrealityandhewasonlydiscoveringit.
"Actually,neitherhaveI,"shesaid.Hereyesranoverhishair-roughenedchestdowntotherippleof
hisstomachmusclesabovehisbeltandbacktothewidthofhisshouldersandhisupperarms.
"Ilovetolookatyou,"shesaidhuskily.
"It'smutual."Hisfingersbrushedoverthetautcurveofonebreast,tracingitlovingly."Don'tyouever
putonapaddedbraagain,"hesaidshortly,meetinghereyes."Doyouhearme,Miranda?"She
laughedbreathlessly."Yes."
Helaughed,too,athisownvehemence."Toosmall.MyGod.Maybehewasshortsighted."Hestood
up,drawingherwithhim,hiseyeseloquentonherbody."Idon'tsupposeyou'dliketocooksupper
likethat..."Hesighedheavily.
"Harden!"
"Well,Ilikelookingatyou,"hesaidirritably."Touchingyou."Hisfingersbrushedoverherbreasts
lovingly,sothatshegasped."Kissingyou..."
Hebent,caressingherwithhismouthuntilshebegantoburn.Somehow,theywerebackonthebed
again,andhismouthwasonherbreasts,hishandsadoringherwhilehebrushedhersilkyskinwith
hislips.
"Itwon't...beenough,"shemoaned.
"MyGod,Iknowthat,"hesaidunsteadily.
Hemoved,easinghisbodyoverherssothatshecouldfeelhisarousal,hiseyesholdinghersashe
caughthisweightonhisforearmsandpressedhishipsintohers.
"You'dletme,rightnow,wouldn'tyou?"heaskedroughly.
"Yes."Sheletherhandslearntherigidmusclesofhisback,delightingintheslightroughnessofhis
skin.
Hismouthbenttohersandnibbledatherlowerlip."Thisisreallystupid."
"Idon'tcare.Ibelongtoyou."
Heshuddered.Thewordswentthroughhimwithincredibleimpact.Heactuallygasped.
"Well,Ido,"shewhispereddefensively.Hermouthopenedunderhis."Liftup,Harden."Heobeyed
thesoftwhisper,feelingherhandssuddenlybetweenthem.Hisshockedeyesmetherswhileshe
workedatthefasteningofhisbelt."MyGod,no!"heburstout.Hecaughtherhandandrolledontohis
back,shivering.
Shesatup,hereyescurious."No?"
"Youdon'tunderstand,"hegroundout.
Hersofteyessearchedhisface,seeingtherestraintthatwasalmostgone."Oh.YoumeanthatifI
touchyouthatway,thesamethingwillhappentoyouthathappenedtomewhen...whenyoudidit?"
"Yes."Hischeekswentruddy.Hestaredatherwithdesireandirritationandpainmingling."Ican'tlet
youdothat."
"Why?"sheaskedquietly.
"Callitanoverdoseofmalepride,"hemuttered,andthrewhislonglegsoffthesideofthebed.
"Oravicioushang-up.Callitwhateverthehellyoulike,butIcan'tletyou."Shewatchedhimgetto
hisfeetandcomearoundthebed,hiseyesslowandquietonherbarebreastsasshesatwatchinghim.
"Iletyou,"shepointedout.
"You'reawoman."Hedrewinajerkybreath."MyGod,you'reallwoman,"hesaidhuskily.
"We'llsetthebedonfireourfirsttime."
Sheflushed."You'reavoidingtheissue."
"SureIam."Hepulledherup,grabbedherknittop,andabruptlyhelpedherbackintoit."I'manold-
fashionedmanwithdozensofhang-ups—likebeingnudeinfrontofawoman,likeallowingmyself
tobesatisfiedwithawomanseeingmehelpless,like...Well,yougettheidea,don'tyou?"heasked
curtly.Heshoulderedintohisshirtandcaughtherhand,tuggingheralongwithhim."Feedme.I'm
starving."
Herheadwhirledwiththethingsshewaslearningabouthimasheledherintothekitchen.Hewasthe
mostfascinatingmanshe'deverknown.Butshewasbeginningtowonderjusthowexperiencedhe
was.Hedidn'tactlikealadies'man,evenifhekissedlikeone.Thememoryofthebabystillnagged
atthebackofhermind.ShewassorryaboutTim,too,butasshewentoverandoverthenightofthe
wreck,shebegantorealizethatnoonecouldhavedonemorethanshehad.Shewasanexperienced
driver,andacarefulone.AndTimhadbeendrinking.Shecouldn'thaveallowedhimbehindthe
wheel.Theroadswereslick,anothercarpulledoutinfrontofherwithoutwarning,andshereacted
instinctively,butafractionofasecondtoolate.Itwasfate.Ithadtobe.
Hewatchedhertoywithhersalad."Brooding?"heaskedgently.Sheliftedhergrayeyestohisand
pushedbackalongstrandofdisheveleddarkhair."Notreally.Iwasthinkingabouttheaccident.I've
beenpunishingmyselfformonths,butthepolicesaiditwasunavoidable,thattherewasnothingI
couldhavedone.They'dknow,wouldn'tthey?"
"Yes,"hetoldhergently."They'dknow."
"Timwasn'tgoodtome.Allthesame,Ihateitthathediedinsuchaway,"shesaidsadly."Iregret
losingmybaby."
"I'llgiveyouababy,"hesaidhuskily,hispaleeyesglitteringwithpossession.Shelookedup,
surprised,straightintohisface,andsawsomethingthatshedidn'tbegintounderstand."Youwant
children?"sheaskedsoftly.
Hiseyesfelltoherbreastsandbackuptohermouth."We'rebothdarkhaired.Youreyesaregrayand
mineareblue,andI'mdarkerskinnedthanyouare.They'llprobablyfavorbothofus."Herface
brightened."You...wantachildwithme?"shewhispered.Hewonderedaboutthatwide-eyeddelight.
Heknewshewasstillgrievingforherchild.Ifhecouldgiveheranotherone,itmighthelphertoget
overit.Evenifshedidn'tlovehim,shemightfindsomeaffectionforhimafterthebabycame.Ifhe
couldgetherpregnant.Heknewthatsomemenweresterile,andhe'dneverbeentested.Hedidn'twant
tothinkaboutthatpossibility.Hehadtoassumehecouldgiveherachild,forhisownpeaceofmind.
Shewassoterriblyvulnerable.Hefoundhimselfdriventoprotecther,togiveheranythingshe
neededtokeepgoing.
"Yes,"hesaidsolemnly."Iwantachildwithyou."
Shebeamed.Hereyessoftenedtothepalestsilverastheysearchedhishardface.
"Butnotrightaway,"hesaidfirmly."First,youandIaregoingtodosomeserioussocializing,getto
knoweachother.Therearealotofhurdleswehavetojumpbeforewefindaminister."Meaningher
marriageandherloss,sheassumed.Shemanagedasmile."Allright.Whateveryousay,Harden."
Hesmiledback.Thingsweregoingbetterthanhe'deverexpected.
MirandawasnervouswhenhedrovefromtheairportbacktotheTremayneranch.Shebarelyheard
whathesaidaboutthetownandthelandmarkstheypassed.Hismotherwasanunknownquantityand
shewashalfafraidofthefirstmeeting.She'dseenEvan,hiseldestbrother,atthehotel,sohewouldn't
beastranger.Butthereweretwootherbrothers,andbothofthemweremarried.Shewasallbut
holdingherbreathasHardenpulledthecarontotheranchroadandeventuallystoppedinfrontofa
white,two-storyclapboardhouse.
"Don'tfidget,"Hardenscoldedgently,approvingherwhitesundresswithitscolorfulbeltandher
sexyhigh-heelsandals."Youlookprettyandnobodyhereisgoingtosavageyou.Allright?"
"Allright,"shesaid,buthereyesweretroubledwhenhehelpedheroutofthecar.Theodora
Tremaynewashidinginthelivingroom,peekingoutofthecurtainswithEvan.
"He'sbroughtawomanwithhim!"sheburstout."He'stormentedmeforyearsforwhathappened,
firstabouthisrealfatherandthenaboutthat...thatgirlheloved."Sheclosedhereyes."Hethreatened
oncetobringmeaprostitute,togeteven,andthat'swhathe'sdoingrightnow,isn'the,Evan?He's
goingtogetevenwithmebybringingawomanofthestreetsintomyhome!"Evanwastooshocked
tospeak.BythetimehefinallyrealizedthathismotherknewnothingaboutMiranda,itwastoolate.
Hecouldevenunderstandwhyshe'dmadesuchanassumption,becausehe'dheardHardenmakethe
threat.Mirandawasacitygirl,andshedressedlikeone,withsophisticationandstyle.Theodora,with
hercountrybackground,couldeasilymistakeawomanshedidn'tknowforsomethingshewasn't.
ThefrontdooropenedandMirandawasmarchedintothelivingroombyHarden.
"Miranda,thisismymother,Theodora,"hesaidarrogantly,andwithoutawordofgreeting,which
onlycementedTheodora'shorrifiedassumption.
Mirandastaredatthesmall,darkwomanwhostoodwithclenchedhandsatherwaist.
"It's...verynicetomeetyou,"Mirandasaid,hervoiceshakingalittle,becausetheolderwomanhadn't
saidawordorcrackedasmileyet.Shelookedintimidatingandfuriouslyangry.Miranda'sface
flushedassherecognizedtheblatanthostilitywithoutunderstandingwhathadtriggeredit."Harden's
beenkindtome..."
"I'llbethehas,"Theodorasaidwithuncharacteristicvenominhervoice.Mirandawasn'tusedto
cruelty.Shedidn'tquiteknowhowtohandleit.Sheswalloweddowntears."I...IguessIreallyshould
go,Harden,"sheblurtedout,flushingviolentlyasshemetHarden'sfuriouseyes."I..."
"Whatkindofwelcomeisthis?"heaskedhismother.
"Whatkinddidyouexpect?"Theodoracountered,hereyesflashing."Thisisalow-downthingtodo
tome,Harden."
"Toyou?"hegrowled."HowdoyouthinkMirandafeels?"
"Idon'trememberextendinganyinvitations,"Theodorarepliedstiffly.Mirandawasreadytoget
underthecarpet."Please,let'sgo,"sheappealedtoHarden,almostfrantictoleave.
"Youjustgothere,"Evansaidshortly."Comeinandsitdown,forGod'ssake."ButMirandawouldn't
budge.HereyespleadedwithHarden.
Heunderstoodwithoutawordbeingspoken."Allright,littleone,"hesaidgently.Hishandsliddown
totakehersinagestureofquietcomfort."I'msorryaboutthis.We'llgo."
"Niceto...tohavemetyou,"Mirandastammered,readytorunforit.Hardenwasfurious,andlooked
it."Herhusbandwaskilledinacarwreckafewmonthsback,"hetoldhismother,watchingherface
stiffenwithsurprise."Shelostthebabyshewascarryingatthesametime.I'vebeenseeingherin
Chicago,andIwantedhertovisitJacobsville.Butconsideringthereceptionshejustgot,Idon't
imagineshe'llmisstheintroductions."Heturned,hisfingerscaressingMiranda's,whileEvanfumed
andTheodorafoughttears.
"Oh,no!No,please...!"Theodoraspokeinarush,embarrassedatherunkindness.Theyounger
womanlookedasifshe'dbeenwhipped,anddespiteHarden'slackofcourtesyintellingheraboutthis
visit,shecouldn'ttakeitoutonaninnocentperson.Itwasherownfaultthatshe'dleapedto
conclusions.
"Ireallyhavetogohome,"Mirandareplied,herredfacesayingfarmorethanthewords."Myjob...!"
Hardencursedunderhisbreath.Hebroughtherroughlytohissideandheldherthere,hiseyes
protectiveastheywentfromherbowedheadtohismother'stormentedface.
"IaskedMirandadownheretolethergettoknowmyfamilyandseeifshelikesitaroundhere,"he
saidwithacoldsmile."Becauseifshedoes,I'mgoingtomarryher.Wecanaccomplishthatwithout
imposingonyourhospitality,"hetoldTheodora."I'msurethelocalmotelhastworoomstospare."
MirandalookedupintoHarden'sface."Don't,"shesaidsoftly."Please,don't.Ishouldn'thavecome.
Takemetotheairport,please.Iwaswrongtocome."
"No,youweren't,"Evansaidcurtly.HeglaredatTheodoraandthenatHarden."Lookather,damnit!
Lookwhatyou'redoingtoher!"
TwopairsofeyessawMiranda'swhiteface,herhuge,tragiceyeswiththeirunnaturalbrightness.
"Evan'sright,"Theodorasaidwithasmuchdignityasshecouldgather."I'msorry,Miranda.Thisisn't
yourfight."
"Whichiswhyshe'sleaving,"Hardenadded.HedrewMirandaagainsthimandturnedher,gently
maneuveringheroutthedoorandbacktothecar.
"Whereareyougoing?"Theodoraaskedmiserably.
"Chicago,"Hardensaidwithoutbreakingstride.
"Shehasn'tmetDonaldandJoAnn,orConnalandPepi,"Evanremarkedfromtheporch.Hestuckhis
bighandsintohispockets."Nottomentionthatshehasn'thadtimetosayhellotothebullsinthebarn
orlearntorideahorse,orespecially,togettoknowme.Godknows,I'mtheflowerofthefamily."
Hardenraisedhiseyebrows."You?"
Evangloweredathim."Me.I'mtheeldest.AfterIwasborn,therestofyouwerejustanafterthought.
Youcan'timproveonperfection."
Mirandamanagedasmileatthebanter.Evanwaskind.
Theodoracamedownthestepsandpausedinfrontofhersonandtheotherwoman."I'vedonethis
badly,andI'msorry.You'reverywelcomeinmyhome,Miranda.I'dlikeyoutostay."Miranda
hesitated,lookingupatHardenuncertainly.
"You'llnevergettoseeallmysterlingqualitiesifyouleavenow,"Evansaid.Shesmiled
involuntarily.
"AndIjustbakedachocolatecake,"Theodoraaddedwithanunsteadysmile."Andmadeapotof
coffee.Youprobablydidn'thavemuchtoeatontheplane."
"Wedidn't,"Mirandaconfessed."Iwastoonervoustoeat."
"Notwithoutcause,either,itseems,"Hardensaidwithaglareathismother.
"Cutitout,orwe'llgoforawalkbehindthebarn,"Evansaidwithasmilethatdidn'ttouchhisdark
eyes."Rememberthelastone?"
"Youlostatooth,"Hardensaid.
"Iwasthinkingaboutyourbrokennose,"cametheeasyreply.
"Youcan'tfight,"Theodoratoldthem."Mirandaprobablyalreadythinksshe'sbeenlandedinabrawl.
Weshouldbeabletobeciviltoeachotherifwe
try."
"Forafewdays,anyway,"Evanagreed."Don'tworry,honey,I'llprotectyoufromthem,"hesaidina
stagewhisper.
Shedidlaugh,then,atthewickedsmileonhisbroadface.SheclungtoHarden'shandandwentback
intothehouse.
Theodorawaslessbrittleafterthey'dhadcoffee,butitwasn'tuntilEvantookHardenofftoseesome
newcattlethatshereallywarmedup.
"I'msorryaboutallthis,”shetoldMirandaearnestly."Harden...likestomakethingsdifficultforme,
yousee.Ididn'tknowyouwerecomingwithhim."
Mirandapaled."Hedidn'ttellyou?!"
Theodoragrimaced."Oh,dear.Youdidn'tknow,didyou?Ifeelevenworsenow."Shedidn't,couldn't
add,thatshe'dthoughtMirandawasawomanofthestreets.Thattragicyoungfacewaswounded
enoughwithoutaddinginsulttoinjury.
"I'msosorry...Icangetaroominthemotel,"shebeganalmostfrantically.Theodoralaidagentle
handonherarm."Don't.NowthatDonaldandJoAnnhavetheirownhome,likeConnalandPepi,I
neverhavemuchfemalecompany.I'llenjoyhavingsomeonetotalkto."ShestudiedMiranda'swan
face."Harden'sneverbroughtawomanhome."
"Hefeelssorryforme,"Mirandasaidbluntly."Andhewantsme."Herthinshouldersroseandfell."I
don'tknowwhyhewantstomarryme,really,buthe'srelentless,isn'the?IwasontheplanebeforeI
knewit."
Theodorasmiled."Yes,he'srelentless.Andhecanbecruel."Shedrewinasteadyingbreath."Ican't
pretendthathedoesn'thaveareasonforthat.I...hadanaffair.Hardenwastheresult."
"Yes,Iknow."Shereplied,hervoicegentle."Hetoldme."Theodora'seyeswidened."That'safirst!I
don'tthinkhe'severtoldanyoneelse."
"Isupposeheisn'tonhisguardsomuchwithme,"Mirandasaid."Yousee,Ihaven'thadmuchspirit
sincetheaccident."
"Itmusthavebeenterribleforyou.Youlovedyourhusband?"sheasked.
"Iwasfondofhim,"Mirandacorrected."Andsorrythathehadtodiethewayhedid.It'smybabythat
Imissthemost.Iwantedhimsomuch!"
"Ilosttwo,"Theodorasaidquietly."Iunderstand.Timewillhelp."Miranda'seyesnarrowedasshe
lookedattheolderwoman."Forgiveme,butit'smorethanjustthecircumstancesofHarden'sbirth
betweenthetwoofyou,isn'tit?"sheaskedverygently."There'ssomethingmore..."
Theodoracaughtherbreath."You'reveryperceptive,mydear.Yes,thereissomethingmore."
"Idon'tmeantopry,"MirandasaidwhenTheodorahesitated.
"No.It'syourrighttoknow.I'mnotsurethatHardenwouldevertalkaboutit."Sheleanedforward.
"Therewasagirl.Theywereverymuchinlove,butherparentsdisapproved.Theyhadplannedto
elopeandgetmarried."Theodora'seyeswentdullandsadwiththememory."Shecalledhereone
night,frantic,beggingtospeaktoHarden."Shegrimaced."He'dgonetobed,andIthoughtthey'dhad
aquarrelorsomethinganditcouldwaituntilmorning.HardenandIhaveneverbeenreallyclose,so
Iknewnothingoftheirplanstoelope,oreventhathewashonestlyinlovewithher.Sheseemedtobe
forevercallingatbadtimes.Iwastryingtofinishupinthekitchenbecauseitwaslate,andIwastired.
Ilied.Itoldherthathedidn'twanttotalktoheratthemoment,andIhungup."Mirandafrowned
slightly,notunderstanding.
Theodoralookedup."Herparentshadfoundoutabouttheelopementandweremakingarrangements
tosendhertoaschoolinSwitzerlandtogetherawayfromHarden.Icanonlyguessthathaving
Hardenrefusetospeaktoher,asImadeitsound,wasthelaststraw.Shewalkedoutontothesecond-
storybalconyofherhouseandjumpedoff,tothestonepatiobelow.Shediedinstantly."Miranda's
eyesclosedasshepicturedhowitwouldhavebeenforHardenafterthat.Hewassensitive,anddeep,
andtolosesomeonehe'dlovedthatmuchbecauseofathoughtlessphonecallmusthavetakenallthe
coloroutofhisworld.
"Yes,youunderstand,don'tyou?"Theodoraaskedquietly."Hestayeddrunkforweeksafterward."
Shedabbedattears."I'veneverforgivenmyself,either.Itwastwelveyearsago,butitmightaswell
havebeenyesterdayasfarasHardenisconcerned.That,addedtothecircumstancesofhisbirth,has
mademehisworstenemyandturnedhimagainstwomenwithavengeance."
"I'msorry,forbothofyou,"Mirandasaid."Itcan'thavebeenaneasythingtogetover."
Theodorasippedcoffeebeforeshespoke."Asyousee,Miranda,weallhaveourcrosses,"shemused.
"Yes."Shepickedupherowncoffeecup."Thankyoufortellingme."Theodora'seyesnarrowed."Do
youlovehim?"
Theyoungerwoman'sfaceflushed,butshedidn'tlookaway."Withallmyheart,"shesaid.Itwasthe
firsttimeshe'dadmittedit,eventoherself.
"Hardenisveryprotectiveofyou,"Theodoraobserved."Andheseemstobeserious."
"Hewantsmeverybadly,"Mirandasaid."Butwhetherornothefeelsanythingelse,onlyheknows.
Desireisn'tenough,really."
"Lovecangrowoutofit,though.Hardenknowshowtolove.He'sjustforgotten."Theodorasmiled.
"Perhapsyoucanreeducatehim."
Mirandasmiledback."Perhaps.You'resureyoudon'tmindifIstaywithyou?Iwasseriousaboutthe
motel."
"I'mverysure,Miranda."Theodorawatchedtheyoungfacerelax,andshewasgladshehadn'tmade
thesituationworsethanitwas.
EvanandHardenwereontheirwaybacktothehousebeforeEvansaidanythingaboutMiranda's
arrival.
"Ican'tbelieveyoubroughtherhome,"hemurmured,grinningathisyoungerbrother."Peoplewill
faintalloverJacobsvilleifyougetmarried."
Hardenshrugged."She'syoungandpretty,andwegetalong.It'stimeImarriedsomeone."Hiseyes
ranslowlyaroundtheproperty."Eveniftherearefourofus,we'llneedsonstohelpuskeeptheplace.
I'dhatetoseeitcutupintosubdivisionsoneday."
"SowouldI."Evanshovedhisbighandsintohispockets."Motherthoughtyouwerebringingthat
streetwalkeryouthreatenedherwithonce.NotthatIexpectyou'dknowastreetwalkerifyousaw
one,"hemurmureddryly,"consideringyouryearsofcelibacy."Hardenlettheinsinuationgo,ashe
alwaysdid,buthefrowned."Youdidn'ttellTheodorawhoMirandawas?"
"Istartedto,buttherewasn'ttime."Hisexpressionsobered."Youshouldhavecalledfirst.Nomatter
whatvendettasyou'reconductingagainstMother,youoweheralittlecommoncourtesy.Presenting
herwithahouseguestandnoadvancenoticeisunforgivable."
Harden,surprisingly,agreed."Yes,Iknow."Hebrokeoffatwigfromthelow-hanginglimbofoneof
thepecantreesastheypassedthroughthesmallorchardandtoyedwithit."HasTheodoraevertalked
aboutmyrealfather?"heaskedsuddenly.
ChapterEight
Evan'seyebrowsshotupandhestoppedwalking.Hardenhadneveronceaskedanythingabouthis
realfather.Hehadn'tevenwantedtoknowtheman'sname.
"Whatbroughtonthatquestion?"heasked.
Hardenfrowned."Idon'tknow.I'mjustcurious.I'dliketoknowsomethingabouthim,that'sall."
"You'llhavetoaskMother,then,"Evantoldhim."Becauseshe'stheonlyonewhocantellyouwhat
youwanttoknow."
Hegrimaced."Wouldn'tshelovethat?"heaskeddarkly.
Evanturned."She'lldieoneday,"hesaidshortly."You'regoingtohavetolivewiththewayyoutreat
her."
Hardenlookeddangerousforaminute,buthiseyescalmed.Hestaredoutovertheland."Yes,I
know,"heconfessed."Butshe'sgotsomethingstodealwithherself."
"Ihaveasimplerphilosophythanyou,"Evansaidquietly."Ibelievethatthedaywedieis
preordained.Thatbeingthecase,Icanaccepttragedyalittlebetterthanyoucan.Ifyouthink
TheodoraplayedGodthatnight,thinkagain.Youofallpeopleshouldknowthatnobodycaninterfere
ifGodwantssomeonetolive."
Harden'sheartjumped.Hescowled,buthedidn'tspeak.
"Hadn'tconsideredthat,hadyou?"Evanasked."You'vebeensoeatenupwithhatredandvengeance
thatyouhaven'teventhoughtaboutGod'shandinlife.You'rethechurchgoer,notme.Whydon'tyou
trylivingwhatyoupreach?Let'sseealittleforgiveness,orisn'tthatwhatyourreligionissupposed
tobeallabout?"
HewalkedaheadofHardentothehouse,leavingtheothermanquietandthoughtful.Supperthat
eveningwasboisterous.DonaldandJoAnnwerelivewires,vyingwithEvanforwisecracks,andthey
madeupforHarden'sbroodingandTheodora'sdiscomfort.
Donaldwasshorterandmorewirythanhisbrothers,althoughhehaddarkhairandeyeslikeEvan.Jo
Annwasredheadedandblue-eyed,alittledollwithareadysmileandabigheart.Theytookto
Mirandaatonce,andshebegantofeelmoreathomebytheminute,despiteHarden'slackof
enthusiasmforthegathering.
Afterthemeal,Hardenexcusedhimselfandwentoutside.Hedidn'taskMirandatojoinhim,butshe
did.
Heglancedbackather,startled."Ithoughtyouwerehavingthetimeofyourlifewiththefamily."
Shesmiledathisbelligerence.Itwasuncanny,howwellsheunderstoodhim.Hewastheoutsider;he
didn'tfitin.Hewasonhisguardandfranklyjealousoftheattentionshewasgettingfromthefamily
hepretendedhewasn'tapartof.Shecouldn'tletonthatsheknewthat,ofcourse.Shemovedtojoin
himontheporchswing,wherehewaslazilysmokingacigarette.
"Ilikeyourfamilyverymuch,"sheagreed."ButIcameherebecauseofyou."Hewastouched.He
hadn'tbeenwrongaboutherafterall.Sheseemedtoknowthingsabouthim,emotionally,thathe
couldn'tmanagetosharewithherinwords.Hesitantlyheslidhisfreearmaroundheranddrewher
close,lovingthewaysheclung,herhandrestingwarmlyoverhischestwhiletheswingcreaked
rhythmicallyonitschains.
"It'ssopeacefulhere,"shesaidwithasigh.
"Toopeacefulforyou,citygirl?"heteasedgently.
Shestartedtotellhimaboutherbackground,butshedecidedtokeephersecretforalittlelonger.He
hadtowantherforherself,notjustbecauseshecouldfitinonaranch.Shedidn'twanttoprejudice
hisdecisionaboutmarryingheruntilshewassureofhisfeelings.
"ItravelagooddealAndI'llkeeptheapartmentinHouston.Youwon'tgettoobored,"hepromised
her.Hestaredatherdarkheadwithnewpossession."Liftyourface,Miranda,"hesaid,hisvoicesoft
anddeepinthequiet."I'mgoingtokissyou."Sheobeyedhimwithoutconsciousthought,waitingfor
hismouth.Itwassmokyfromthecigarette,andstillwarmfromthecoffeehe'dhadwithsupper.But
mostofall,itwasslow,andalittlerough,andverythorough.
Asoftmoanbrokethesilence.Sheliftedherarms,startledbytheonrushofpassionthatmadeher
desperateformoreofhimthanthis.
Ifshefeltit,sodidhe.Thecigarettewentoverthebanisterasheliftedheracrosshim,andthekiss
wentfromaslowexplorationtoastatementofintentinseconds.
Sheheardhimcurseunderhisbreathashefoughtthebuttonsofhershirtwaistdress,andthenhis
handwasonher,possessiveinitscaressingwarmth.
"Miranda,"hewhisperedintohermouth.Hishandwasfaintlytremulouswhereittracedtheswollen
contoursofherbreast.
Heliftedhisheadanddrewthedressawayfromherbody,buttheporchwastoodarktosuithim.He
stoodupwithMirandainhisarmsandmovedtowardthesetteeagainstthewall,wherethelightfrom
thelivingroomfilteredthroughthecurtainsontotheporch.
"Wherearewegoing?"Mirandaasked,dazedbytheforceofherowndesire.
"Intothelight,"hesaidhuskily,"Ihavetoseeyou."HesatdownwithMirandainhisarms,turningher
sothathecouldseeherbreasts."Ihavetolookatyou...Yes!"
"Harden?"Shebarelyrecognizedherownhigh-pitchedvoice,soshakenwasshebythelookonhis
face.
"You'rebeautiful,littleone,"hewhispered,meetinghereyes.Hishandmovedandsheshivered.His
headbenttohermouth,brushingittenderly."Doyouhaveanyideawhatyoudotome?"
"Thesamethingyoudotome,Ihope,"shewhispered.Herbodyarchedhelplessly."Harden,"she
moaned."Someonecouldcomeouthere.Oh,can'twegosomewhere...?"Hecaughthisbreathand
lookedaroundalmostdesperately."Yes."Hegotupandbuttonedherdeftlybackintoherdress,only
tocatchherhandandleadheralongwithhim.Hismindwasbarelyworkingatall.Nowhereinthe
housewassafe,withthatcrowd.Neitherwasthebarn,becausetwocalvingheiferswereinthere,
beingcloselywatchedastheypreparedtodroppurebredcalves.Hiseyesfoundhiscar,andhesighed
withresignationashedrewMirandatowardit.Heputherinsideandclimbedinwithher,turningher
intohisarmstheinstantthedoorwasclosed.
"Now,"hebreathedagainstherwaitingmouth.
Heunbuttonedthedressagainandfoundherwithhishands,andthenwithhismouth.Herarmsclung
tohim,lovingthenewnessofbeingwithhimlikethis,ofenjoyingphysicalintimacy.Sheslidher
handsinsidehisshirtandfoundthehard,hair-roughenedwarmthofhischest,likingthewayhe
respondedtohersearchingtouch.
"Here,"hesaidcurtly,unfasteningtheshirtallthewaydown.Hegatheredhertohiminsideit,
pressinghersoftbreastsintothehardmusclesofhischest.Heliftedhisheadandlookeddownat
wheretheytouched,atthecontrasts,inthelightthatglaredoutofthebarnwindow.Hemovedher
awayjustalittle,sothathecouldseethehardtipsofherbreastsbarelytouchinghim,theirdeep
mauveduskyagainsthistannedskin.Hisforefingertouchedherthere,andhisblueeyesliftedtoher
silveryoneswhenshegasped.
"Whydoyou...watchmelikethat?"shewhispered.
"IenjoythewayyoulookwhenItouchyou,"hesaidsoftly."Youreyesglow,likesilverinsunlight."
Hisgazewenttoherswollenmouth,downhercreamythroattoherbreasts."Yourbody...colors,like
yourcheeks,whenItouchyouintimately.Eachtimeislikethefirsttimeyou'veknownaman'slove-
making.That'swhy."
"It'sthefirsttimeIeverfeltlikethis,"shereplied."ItalwaysembarrassedmewithTim.Ifelt...in-
adequate."shesearchedhisnarroweyes.Helookedverysensuouswithhisshirtunbuttonedandhis
hairdisheveledbyherhands."I'veneverbeenembarrassedwithyou."
"It'snatural,isn'tit?"heaskedquietly."Likebreathing."Hisforefingerbegantotracethehardnipple
andsheclutchedhisshirtandshuddered."Addictiveanddangerous,"hewhisperedashismouth
hoveredoverhersandhistouchgrewmoresensual,morearousing."Like...loving..."Hismouth
coveredhersbeforeshecouldbecertainthatshe'dheardthewordatall,andthenitwastoolateto
think.Shegavehimhermouth,allofherbodythathewanted,abandonedandpassionatelyinlove,
totallywithoutshame.
"No,don't!"sheweptfranticallywhenhepulledback.
Hestilledherhandsanddrewherclose,rockingheragainsthim.Hewasshivering,too,andhisvoice
wasstrained."Ihurt,littleone,"hewhispered."Bestill.Letmecalmdown."Shebitherlowerlipuntil
shealmostdrewblood,tremblinginhisarms.Hewhisperedtoher,soothedherwithhisvoiceandhis
handsuntilshecalmedandlaystillagainsthim,tryingtobreathe.Heletoutalongbreath."MyGod,
it'sbeenalongtimesinceI'vebeenthatexcitedbyawoman.AfewmoresecondsandIcouldn'thave
pulledbackatall."
Shenuzzledherfaceintohishotthroat."Woulditbetheendoftheworldifwewentalltheway?"she
whisperedboldly.
“No.Probablynot.ButasmybrotherEvanremindedmeaboutsomethingelsetonight,it'stimeI
startedpracticingwhatIpreach.IwantaringonyourfingerbeforeImakelovetoyoucompletely."
"You'reahopelessPuritan,"shemurmureddryly.
"Yes,Iam,"heagreed.Heraisedhischeekfromherdarkhair."Andaprettydesperateone.Namea
date."
Shestaredathimworriedly.Shewassure.Butitwashisbodythatwantedhermost,nothisheart.
"Harden,youhavetobesure."
"I'msure."
"Iknowhowbadlyyouwantme,"shebegan,frowninguncertainly."Buttherehastobemorethanjust
that."
Hedidn'tlisten.Hewaslookingdownhisnoseatherwithglitteryblueeyes."Youcanhavetwoweeks
tomakeupyourmind."
"And,afterthat?"sheaskedslowly.
"Afterthat,I'llpickyouup,flyyoudowntoMexico,andyou'llbemarriedbeforeyouhavetimeto
argueaboutit."
"That'snotfair!"sheexclaimed.
"Idon'tfeelfair,"heshotback."MyGod,I'malive,reallyalive,forthefirsttimeinmylife,andso
areyou.I'mnotgoingtoletyouthrowthisaway."
"Butwhatifit'salljustphysical?"shegroaned.
"Thenit'sstillmorethanfouroutoffivecoupleshave.You'llgetusedtome.Iwon'tpretendthatit's
goingtobeeasy,butyouwill.I'llneverliftahandtoyou,ordoanythingtoshameyou.Iwon'tstifle
youasaperson.AllI'llexpectfromyouisfidelity.Andlater,perhaps,achild."
"I'dliketohaveafamily,"shesaidquietly.Sheloweredhereyes."Isupposesometimeswedoget
secondchances,don'twe?"
He'dbeenthinkingthesamething.Hisfingerstouchedhercheek,smoothingdowntohermouth.
"Yes.Sometimeswedo,Miranda."Hebrushedherlipsgentlywithhisbeforeherearrangedtheir
disheveledclothingandledherbacktothehouse.
Mirandafeltlikeanactressplayingapartforthenextfewdays.DeterminedtofindoutifHarden
couldacceptherashethoughtshewas,sheplayedthecityingenuetothehilt.Leavingthejeansand
cottonshirtsshe'dpackedstillintheircases,shechoseherbestdressslacks—whiteones,ofcourse—
andsilkblousestoweararoundtheranch.Shedidhermakeupascarefullyasifsheweregoingto
work.Sheactedasifshefoundthecattlesmellyandfrightening.
"Theywon'thurtyou,"Hardensaid,anditwastakingarealeffortnottoreactbadlytothissideof
her.Hedidn'tknowwhathe'dexpected,butitwasn'ttofindherafraidofcattle.Thatwasabadomen.
Worse,shebalkedwhenheofferedtotakeherriding.
"Idon'tlikehorses,"shelied."I'veonlybeenonthemonceortwice,andit'suncomfortableandscary.
Can'twegointhetruck?"
Hardenhadtobitehistongue."Ofcourse,wecan,"hesaidwithgentlemanlycourtesy."Itdoesn't
matter."
Itdid,though,shecouldtell.Sheclungtohisarmastheywalkedbackfromthebarn,becauseshewas
wearinghighheels.
"Honey,don'tyouhavesomelessdressyslacksandsomeflatshoes?"heaskedafteraminute,
frowningdownather."That'sreallynottherigtoweararoundhere.You'llruinyourprettythings."
Shesmiledattheconsiderationandpressedcloser."Idon'tcare.Ilovebeingwithyou."Hisarmslid
aroundher,andallhisworriesaboutherabilitytofitindisappearedlikefoginsunlight."Ilikebeing
withyou,too,"hesaidquietly.Heheldheragainsthisside,awareofmingledfeelingsofpeaceand
riotousdesireandpleasureashefelthersoftnessmeltintohisstrengthsotrustingly.
"Itbothersyou,doesn'tit,thatI'mnotacountrygirl?"sheaskedwhentheyreachedthetruck.He
frowned.Hispaleblueeyessearchedhergrayones."Itisn'tthatimportant,"hesaidstubbornly."After
all,youwon'tbeexpectedtohelpmeherdcattleorpullcalves.Wehaveothercommoninterests."
"Yes.Likewalksintheparkandsciencefictionmoviesandquietnightsathomewatchingtelevision,"
shesaid,grinningupathim.
Thefrowndidn'tfade.Hecouldn'tputitintowords,butitwasalittlesurprisingthatawomanwho
likedtheparkandloathedpartieswouldn'tberightathomeonaranch.Heshruggeditoffandputher
intothecabofthetruckbesidehim,drivingaroundtowhereOldManRed,theirprize-winningSanta
Gertrudisbulllivedinair-conditionedluxuryinhisownbarn.Mirandahadtostifleagaspofpure
pleasurewhenshesawtheenormousanimal.Hehadthemostbeautifulconformationshe'deverseen,
andshe'dseenplentyinherchildhoodandadolescenceonherfather'sSouthDakotaranch.Sheknew
OldManRed'snamefromthelivestocksalepapers,fromtheannualbreeders'editions.Hewasa
legendincattlecircles,andherehestood,closeenoughtotouch.Hisprogenythrivednotonlyinthe
UnitedStates,butincountriesaroundtheworld.
"He'ssobig,"shesaid,sighingwithunconsciousdelight.
"Ourprideandjoy,"Hardenreplied.Hereachedoutandsmoothedtheanimal'smuzzleaffectionately.
"He'sbeencossetedsomuchthathe'snothingbutabigpetthesedays."
"Anexpensiveone,I'llbet,"shesaid,tryingnottogiveawayherownknowledgeofhisvalue.
"Heisthat."Helookeddownather."Ithoughtyoudidn'tlikecattle,citygirl,"hemurmured.
"Youreyessuresparklewhenyoulookathim."
Shereacheduptohisear."Roastbeef,"shewhispered."I'mdrooling."
"Youcannibal!"heburstout,andlaughed.
Thesoundwasnew,andpleasant.Startled,shelaughed,too."I'msorry.Thatwasunforgivable,wasn't
it?"shemused.
"I'drathereatmyolderbrotherEvanthanputaforktoOldManRed!"Hereyebrowswentup."Poor
Evan!"
"No,poorme,"hereplied."He'dprobablytakeweeksoftenderizingjusttobedigestible."Sheslid
herfingersintohisandfollowedhimdownthewideaisleofthebarn,happierthanshecouldever
rememberbeing."Didyougrowuphere?"
Henodded."MybrothersandIusedtoplaycowboyandIndian."
"YoualwaysgottobetheIndian,"sheimagined.
Hefrowned."Howdidyouknowthat?"
"You'restoic,"shesaidsimply."Verydignifiedandaloof."
"SoisConnal.You'llmeethimtonight.He'sbringingPepiandthebabyover."Hehesitated,staringat
herexpression."It'sgoingtohurt,isn'tit?"Sheturned,lookingupathim."Notifyou'rewithme."
Hisbreathcaught.Shemadehimfeelsonecessary.Hecaughtherbythearmsanddrewherslowlyto
him,enfoldingher.Helaidhischeekagainstherdarkhairandthewindblewdownthelongaisle,
bringingthescentoffreshhayandcattlewithit.
"Isupposeyouplayedwithdollswhenyouwerealittlegirl,"hemurmured.
"Notreally.Ilikedto—"Shestoppeddead,becauseshecouldn'tadmit,justyet,thatshewasridingin
rodeoswhenshewasingrammarschool.Winningtrophies,too.ThankGodSamhadkeptthoseat
hishouse,soHardenhadn'tseenthemwhenhecametoherapartment.
"Youlikedto...?"heprompted.
"Playdress-upinmother'sbestclothes,"sheinvented.
"Girlstuff,"hemurmured."IlikedIndianlegwrestlingandchasinglizardsandsnakes."
"Yuuck!"shesaideloquently.
"Snakesarebeneficial,"hereplied."Theyeatthemicethateatupourgrain."
"Ifyousayso."
Hetiltedherfaceuptohisdancingeyes."Tenderfoot,"heaccused,buthemadeitsoundlikeacaress.
"You'dbehappierwithacountrygirl,wouldn'tyou?"sheaskedsoftly."Someonewhocouldrideand
likedcattle."
Hedrewinaslow,evenbreathandlethiseyeswanderslowlyoverthegentleovalofherface.
"Wedon'tgettopickandchoosethequalitiesandabilitiesthatmakeupaperson.Yourinnerqualities
aremuchmoreimportanttomethananytalentyoumighthavehadforhorsebackriding.You'reloyal
andhonestandcompassionate,andinmyarms,youburn.That'senough."Hescowled."AmIenough
foryou,though?"
"Whataquestion!"sheexclaimed,touchedbythewayhe'ddescribedher.
"I'mhardandunsociable.Idon'tgotopartiesandIdon'tpullmypuncheswithpeople.Thereare
timeswhenbeingaloneislikeareligiontome.Ifinditdifficulttosharethings,feelings."Hisbroad
shouldersliftedandfell,andhelookedbrieflyworried."Addedtothat,I'vebeendownonwomenfor
somanyyearsitisn'tevenfunny.Youmayfindmetoughgoing."Shesearchedhiseyesquietly."You
didn'tevenlikemewhenwefirstmet,butyoucameaftermewhenyouthoughtImightbesuicidal.
Youlookedaftermeandyouneveraskedforanything."Shesmiledgently."Mr.Tremayne,Iknew
everythingIneededtoknowaboutyouafterjusttwenty-fourhours."
Hebentandbrushedhismouthoverhereyelidswithbreathlesstenderness."WhatifIfailyou?"he
whispered.
"WhatifIfailyou?"shereplied.Shesavoredthetouchofhismouthonherface,keenlyawareofthe
risingtideofheatinherbloodashishandsbegantomoveupherback."I'macitygirl...."Hisbreath
grewunsteady."Idon'tcare,"hesaidroughly.Hismouthbegantosearchforhers,hardandinsistent.
Hishandswenttoherhipsandjerkedthemupintohis."MyGod,Idon'tcarewhatyouare!"His
mouthcrusheddownagainstherpartedlips,andhislastsanethoughtwasthatshewaseverybitas
wildforhimashewasforher.
Heatedsecondslater,shefelthismouthliftandhereyesopenedslowly,dazed.
"Harden,"shebreathed.
Histeethdelicatelycaughtherupperlipandtracedit."DidIhurtyou?"hewhispered.
"No."Herarmslinkedaroundhisneckandshelayagainsthimheavily,herheartbeatshakingher,her
eyesclosed.
"WecanliveinHouston,"hesaidunsteadily."Maybesomedayyou'lllearntoliketheranch.Ifyou
don't,itdoesn'tmatter."
Hermindregisteredwhathewassaying,butbeforeshecouldrespondtoit,hismouthwasonhers
again,andsheforgoteverything....
Connalandhiswife,Pepi,camethatnight.Theybroughtalongtheirson,Jamie,whoimmediately
becamethecenterofattention.
Pepididn'tknowaboutMiranda'slostbaby,becausenobodyhadtoldher.Butshenoticedasad,
wistfullookontheotherwoman'sfacewhenshelookedatthechild.
"Something'swrong,"shesaidsoftly,touchingMiranda'sthinhandwhilethemengatheredtotalk
cattleandTheodorawashelpingJeanieMayinthekitchen."Whatisit?"Mirandatoldher,finding
somethinggentleandveryspecialintheotherwoman'sbrowneyes.
"I'msorry,"Pepisaidafterward."Butyou'llhaveotherbabies.Iknowyouwill."
"Ihopeso,"Mirandareplied,smiling.InvoluntarilyhereyeswenttoHarden.
"Connalsayshe'sneverbroughtawomanhomebefore,"Pepisaid."Therewassomethingaboutan
engagementyearsago,althoughIneverfoundoutexactlywhat.IknowthatHardenhatesTheodora,
andhe'stakenitoutoneverywomanwhocamenearhim.Untilnow,"sheadded,herbigeyes
searchingMiranda's."Youmustbeveryspecialtohim."
"IhopeIam,"Mirandasaidearnestly."Idon'tknow.It'ssortoflikeatrialperiod.We'regettingto
knoweachotherbeforehedecideswhenwe'llgetmarried.
"Oh.Soit'slikethat,"Pepisaid,grinning.
"He'sabulldozer."
"AlltheTremaynebrothersare,evenDonald,youjustaskJoAnn."Pepilaughed."Iusedtobescared
todeathofHardenmyself,buthesetmerightaboutConnalonceandmaybesavedmymarriage."
"Hecanbesointimidating,"Mirandaagreed."Evan'stheonlyeven-temperedone,fromwhatIsee."
"GetHardentotellyouaboutthetimeEvanthrewoneofthecowboysoverafence,"Pepichuckled.
"It'saneye-opener.Evan'sdeep,andnotquitewhatheseems."
"He'sfriendly,atleast,"Mirandasaid.
"Ifhelikesyou.Ihearhecanbeverydifficultifhedoesn't.Don'tyouloveTheodora?"
"Yes,Ido,"Mirandareplied."Wegotofftoarockystart.Hardenbroughtmedownwithoutwarning
Theodorafirst,butshewarmedupafterwewereproperlyintroduced.I'menjoyingit,now."
Pepifrowned."Ithoughtyoudidn'tlikeranchlife."
"I'mgettingusedtoit,Ithink."
"You'lllikeitbetterwhenyoulearntoride,"theotherwomanpromised."IhearHarden'sgoingto
teachyouhow."
Miranda'ssilvereyesopenedwide."Heis?"sheaskedwithassumedinnocence.
"Yes.You'llenjoyit,Iknowyouwill.Horsesareterrific."
"SoIhear."
"Justneverletthemknowyou'reafraidofthem,andyou'lldofine."Thebabycriedsuddenly,and
Pepismileddownathim,hereyessoftwithlove."Hungry,littleboy?"sheaskedtenderly.
"Miranda,couldyouholdhimwhileIdigouthisbottle?"
"Oh,ofcourse!"cametheimmediatereply.
Pepiwenttoheatthebottle,andMirandasighedoverthetinylaughingface,herownmirroringher
utterdelight.
Shewasn'tawareofHarden'sstareuntilhekneltbesideherandtouchedatinylittlehandwithonebig
finger.
"Isn'thebeautiful?"Mirandaasked,hereyesfindinghis.Henodded.Hiseyesdarkened,narrowed.
Hisbodyburnedwithsuddenneed."Doyouwantmetogiveyouachild,Miranda?"heaskedhuskily.
Herfacecolored.Herlipsparted.Hersofteyessearchedhisandlinkedwiththeminthesilencethat
followed.
"Yes,"shesaidunsteadily.
Hiseyesflashed,glitteringdownather."Thenyou'dbettermakeupyourmindtomarryme,hadn't
you?"
"Admiringyournephew?"Pepiaskedasshejoinedthem,breakingthespell.
"He'stheimageofConnal,"Hardenmused.
"Isn'the,though?"Pepisighed,smilingtowardherhusband,whoreturnedthelookwithbreathless
tenderness.
"Stopthat,"Hardenmuttered."Youpeoplehavebeenmarriedoverayear."
"Itgetsbettereveryday,"Pepiinformedhim.Shegrinned."Yououghttotryit."
"Iwantto,ifIcouldgetmyintendedtoagree,"hemurmureddryly,watchingMirandaclosely.
"She'sasslowasmolassesaboutmakinguphermind."
"Andyou'reimpatient,"sheaccusedhim.
"Can'thelpit,"hereplied."Itisn'teverydaythatamanrunsacrossagirllikeyou.Idon'twantEvanto
snapyouup."
"Didyoumentionmyname?"Evanasked,grinningashetoweredoverthem."Nicejob,Pepi,"he
said."Now,howaboutaniece?"
"Don'trushme,"shesaid."I'mjustgettingusedtomakingformula."
"You'reanatural.Lookatthesmileonthatlittleface."
"Whydon'tyougetmarriedandhavekids?"
ConnalaskedtheeldestTremayneashesaunteredovertothesmallgroup.Evan'sexpressionclosed
up."Itoldyouonce,theytramplemetryingtogettohim."HestuckafingertowardHarden.
"They'llhavetogetpastMirandanow,though,"Connalreplied."Hardenwillgoontheendangered
specieslist."
"Evanhasbeenonitforyears,"Hardenchuckled."ExceptthatAnnacan'tconvincehimshe'sserious
competition."
"Idon'trobcradles,"Evansaidcoldly.Hisdarkeyesglittered,andhisusualgoodnaturewentinto
eclipse,givingaglimpseoftheformidablemanbehindthesmilingmask.
"Yourmotherwasnineteenwhenshemarried,wasn'tshe?"Pepiaskedhim.
"Thatwasbackinthedarkages."
"Youmightaswellgiveup,"Connalsaid,slidingapossessivearmaroundhiswifeashesmiled
downather."He'sworsethanHardenwas."
"MeaningthatHardenisimproving?"Evanasked,forcingasmile.HestudiedHardenclosely.
"Youknow,heis.He'sactuallybeenpleasantsincehe'sbeenhomethistime.Anicechange,"hetold
Miranda,"fromhisfirstfewdayshomefromChicago,whenhetookrustoffoldnailswithhis
tongueandcausedtwowranglerstoquitonthespot."
"Hewashorrible,"Connalagreed."MotheraskedifshecouldgoandlivewithDonaldandJoAnn."
Evanchuckled."ThenshetookbacktheofferbecauseIthreatenedtoloadmygun.She'sfonderof
Hardenthansheisoftherestofus."
Harden'sfacewenttaut."That'senough."
Evanshrugged."It'snobigfamilysecretthatyou'reherfavorite,"heremindedtheotherman.
"It'syoursweetnaturethatstoleherheart."
Once,Hardenwouldhaveswungonhisbrotherforthatremark.Now,heactuallysmiled."Sheshould
havehityouharderwhileshehadthechance."
"Igrewtoofast,"Evansaidimperturbably.
"Areyousureyou'vestoppedyet?"Connalmused,lookingupattheotherman.Evandidn'tanswer
him.Hissizewashissorespot,andConnalhadbeenawaylongenoughtoforget.Heturnedbackto
Harden."DidyouevergetintouchwithScarboroughaboutthatshipmentthatgotheldupinFort
Worth?"
"Yes,Idid,"Hardensaid."It'sallironedoutnow."
"That'sarelief."
Themendriftedbacktobusinesstalk,andPepiandMirandaplayedwiththebabyuntilTheodora
rejoinedthem.Dinnerwasonthetableshortly,andallthesolemnitydiedoutoftheoccasion.Miranda
couldn'trememberwhenshe'denjoyedanythingmore.
Hardennoticedhoweasilyshefitinwithhisfamily,anditpleasedhim.Shemightnotbetheideal
ranchwife,butshewasspecial,andhewantedher.
They'dhaveagoodmarriage.They'dmakeitwork.Butonethinghedidmeantodo,andthatwasto
showMirandahowtorideahorse.Tomorrow,hepromisedhimself.Tomorrow,hewasgoingto
easeherontoatamehorseandcoaxhertoridewithhim.Onceshelearnedhow,shewasgoingto
loveit.Thatwouldgetonehurdleoutoftheway.
Therestwouldtakecareofthemselves.HewatchedMirandawithanexpressionthatwouldhave
knockedthebreathoutofherifshe'dseenit.Theflickeringlightsinhispaleblueeyesweremuch
morethaninfatuationorphysicalinterest.Theywerethebeginningsofsomethingdeepandpoignant
andreal.
ChapterNine
Thenextmorning,Hardenknockedonherdoorearlierthanhehadsincethey'dbeenattheranch.
“Getupandputonsomejeansandbootsandacottonshirt,"hecalled."Ifyoudon'thaveany,we'll
borrowsomeofJoAnn'sforyou—she'saboutyoursize."
"I'vegotsome,"shecalledback."Whatareyouupto?"
"I'mgoingtoteachyoutoride.Comeondowntothestableswhenyoufinishbreakfast.I'vegottogo
andgetthemenstarted."
"Okay,"shecalledwithsilentglee."I'djustlovetolearnhowtoride!"
"Good.Hurryup,honey."
Hisbootedfootstepsdiedaway,andMirandalaugheddelightedlyasshedressed.Nowthathewas
readytoacceptthecitygirlhethoughtshewas,itwastimetolethiminonthetruth.Itwas,she
anticipated,goingtobedelicious!
ItwaslikegoingbackintimeforMiranda,whowasrightathomeinjeansandbootsanda
redcheckedcottonshirt.Hardenmetheratthestables,wherehealreadyhadtwohorsessaddled.
"Youlookcute,"hesaid,grinningattheponytail."Almostlikeacowgirl."Andyouain'tseennothin'
yet,cowboy,shewasthinking."I'mgladIlookthepart,"shesaidbrightly."Whatdowedofirst?"
"First,youlearnhowtomount.Now,there'snothingtobeafraidof,"heassuredher."Thisisthe
gentlesthorseontheplace.I'llleadyouthroughthebasics.Anyonecanlearntoride.Allyouhaveto
doispayattentionanddowhatItellyou."
Hemadeitsoundasifshe'dneverseenahorse.Ofcourse,heknewnothingaboutherpast,butstill,
herpridebegantostingashewentthroughthosebasicsinafaintlycondescendingtone.
"Thehardestpartisgettingonthehorse,"heconcluded."Butthere'snothingtoit,onceyouknow
how.It'llonlytakeaminutetoteachyoutherightwaytodoit."
"Oh,I'dlovetolearntherightwaytogetonahorse!"sheexclaimedwithmockenthusiasm.
"Uh,wouldyouholdthereinsaminute?"sheaskedwithtwinklingeyes.
"Sure."Hefrownedashetookthem."Whatfor?"
"You'llsee."Shewalkedawayfromhim,tryingnottodoubleupwithmischievouslaughterasshe
thoughtaboutwhatshewasgoingtodo.
"Gothim?"shecalledwhenshewasseveralyardsaway.
"I'vegothim,"hesaidimpatiently."Whatinhelldoyouwantmetodowithhim?"
"Justholdhim,whileIshowyouhowI'vebeengettingonhorses."Shegotherbearingsandsuddenly
tookofftowardthehorseatadeadrun.Shejumped,balancedbrieflyonherhandsonthehorse's
rump,andvaultedintothesaddleascleanlyandneatlyasshe'ddoneitinrodeosyearsago.Thelook
onHarden'sfacewasworthmoney.Evanhadbeenstandingnearby,andhesawit,too,buthedidn't
lookasifhetrustedhiseyes.
Mirandashookbackherponytailandlaugheddelightedly."Gosh,youlookstrange,"shetoldHarden.
"Youdidn'ttellmeyoucoulddothat!"heburstout.
Sheshrugged."Nothingtoit.ItookfirstprizesinbarrelracingbackinSouthDakota,andDadused
tosayIwasthebesthorsemanhehadontheplace."
"Whatplace?"heaskedexplosively.
"Hisranch,"shereplied.Shegrinnedathisshell-shockedexpression."Well,you'retheonewhosaidI
wasacitygirl,weren'tyou?"
Harden'sfacewaveredandbrokeintothemostbeautifulsmileshe'deverseen.Hisblueeyesbeamed
upatherwithadmirationandprideandsomethingmore,somethingsoftandelusive.
"Fullofsurprises,aren'tyou?"heasked,layingaleanhandonherthigh.
"IreckonIam,"shechuckled."GotahatIcanborrow?"
"Here."Evantossedherone,barelyconcealingachuckle."My,my,theymusthavelotsofhorsesin
Chicago.Yousuredolookexperiencedatgettingonthem."
"She'saSouthDakotaranchgirl,"Hardentoldhimdryly."Niceofhertosharethattidbit,wasn'tit?"
"Nothingliketheelementofsurprise,"Mirandasaidsmugly,puttingtheoversizehaton.She
gloweredatEvanwithitcoveringherears."Ifyou'llgetmeahandle,Icanuseitforanumbrella."
Evanglaredather."Idonothaveabighead."
"Oh,no,ofcoursenot,"sheagreed,floppingthehatbackandforthonherhead.ShegrinnedatEvan.
"Okay,"Evansaid."I'llrelentenoughtoadmitthatyouhaveaverysmallhead."
"Howlonghaveyoubeenriding?"Hardenaskedher.
"SinceIwasthree,"sheconfessed."IstillgoridinginChicago.Ilovehorses."
"Canyoucutcattle?"hepersisted.
"Ifyouputmeonatrainedquarterhorse,youbet,"shereplied."Withallduerespect,thisrocking
horseisn'tgoingtobemuchgoodinaherdofcattle."Hardenchuckled."No,he'snot.I'llsaddle
Dustyforyou.Thenwe'llgoworkforawhile."
"Surprise,surprise,"Evanmurmuredashejoinedhisbrother.
“Thebiggesthurdleofallwashercityupbringing,"Hardensaidwithpureglee."Andsheturnsoutto
beacowgirl."
"Thatlady'soneofakind,"Evanmused."Don'tloseher."
"Nochance.NotifIhavetotiehertothebedpost."
Evangavehimadrylook."Kinky,areyou?"
Hardenglaredathimandstrodeoffintothebarn.
Forthenextthreedays,MirandadiscoveredmoreincommonwithHardenthanshe'deverimagined.
Butinthebackofhermind,always,wasthewomanhe'dlovedandlost.Hecouldn'tbeoverherifhe
stillheldsuchabittergrudgeagainsthismother.Whilehisheartwastangledup,hecouldn'tlove
anyoneelse.Andifhedidn'tloveher,theirmarriagewouldhaveverylittlechanceofsuccess.She
watchedHardenworkononeofthepurebredmaresinfoal,fascinatedbythetendernesswithwhich
hehelpedthemarethroughherordeal.Forallhisfaults,whenthechipsweredown,hewasthe
coolest,mostcompassionatemanshe'deverknown.Inanemergency,he'dbeagoodmantohave
around.
"Onemoreweek,"heremindedherwhenhewasthroughwiththemare."ThenI'lltakethedecision
rightoutofyourhands."
"Youcan'tforcemetomarryyou,"shesaidstubbornly.
Hiseyesrandownherbodywithpossessionandbarelycontrolleddesire."Watchme."
"I'dhavetobeoutofmymindtomarryyou,"sheexploded."Icouldn'tcallmysoulmyown!"He
liftedhisheadandsmiledatherarrogantly,hispaleeyesglittery."I'llhaveyou,allthesame.And
you'lllikeit."
"Youarrogant,unprincipled,overbearing—"
"Saveitup,honey,"heinterrupted,jerkinghishatdownoveroneeyebrow."I'vegotamanwaitingon
acattledeal."
Hedroppedahardkissonheropenmouthandleftherstanding,fuming,behindhim.
Hardenhadgivenherpermissiontorideanyofhishorsesexceptanoversize,bad-temperedstallion
namedRocket.Normally,shewouldn'thavegoneagainsthim.ButhewasactingliketheSupreme
Male,andshedidn'tlikeit.Shesaddledthestallionandtookhimout,ridinghellforleatheruntilshe
andthehorseweretootiredtogoanyfarther.
Shepausedtowaterhimatasmallstream,talkingtohimgently.Hisreputationwaslargely
undeserved,becausehewasagentlehorseaslongashehadafirmhand.Inmanyways,heandshe
werekindredspirits.She'dleftbehindherunbridledyouth,andTimhadmadeheruncomfortablewith
herfemininity.She'dfeltlikeathingduringmostofhermarriage,atoythatTimtookofftheshelf
whenhewasbored.ButwithHarden,shefeltwildandrebellious.Hebroughtallherburiedpassions
tothesurface,andsomeofthemwereuncomfortable.
Whensheglancedatherwatch,shewassurprisedtofindhowmuchtimehadelapsedsinceshe'd
takenRocketoutofthebarn.Ataguess,shewasgoingtobeinalotoftroublewhenshegotback.
Sureenough,Hardenwasmarchingaroundthefrontofthebarn,acigaretteinhishand,hisnormally
lazystrideconvertedintoaquick,impatientpacing.Eventhesetofhisheadwasdangerous.Miranda
gotoutofthesaddleandledRockettherestoftheway.Herjeansweresplatteredwithmud,likeher
boots,andheryellowcottonshirtwasn'tmuchcleaner.Herhair,pinnedupinabraid,wasuntidy.But
herfacewasaliveasneverbefore,flushedwithexhilaration,hergrayeyesbrightwithchallengeand
excitement.
Hardenturnedandstiffenedassheapproached.Evanwasnearby,probablytosaveherfromhim,she
thoughtmischievously.
"Here,"shesaid,handinghimthereins.Sheliftedherface,daringhim."Goahead.Yell.Shout.Curse.
Givemehell."
Hisfacewashardandhiseyeswereglittery,buthedidnoneofthosethings.Unexpectedlyhejerked
herintohisarmsandstoodholdingher,afainttremorinhislean,fitbodyasheheldhersagainstit.
Theactionshockedheroutofallresistance,becauseittoldhergraphicallyhowworriedhe'dbeen.
Theshockofittooktheedgeoffhertemper,madeherrelaxagainsthimwithpuredelight.
"Iforgotthetime,"shesaidathisear."Ididn'tdoitonpurpose."Sheclungtohim,hereyesclosed.
"I'msorryyouwereworried."
"HowdoyouknowIwas?"heaskedcurtly.
Shesmiledintohiswarmneck."Idon'tknow.ButIdo."Herarmstightened."Goingtokissme?"she
whispered.
"I'dkissyoublindifmybrotherwasn'tstandingtenfeetawaytryingtolookinvisible.Thatbeingthe
case,itwillhavetowait."Heliftedhishead.Hisfacewaspalerthanusual."Monday,we'regetting
married.Ican'ttakeanymore.Eitheryoumarryme,oryougetoutofmylife."Shesearchedhiseyes.
Itwouldbetakingahugechance.Butshe'dlearnedthattheywereprettycompatible,andsheknewhe
wasbeginningtofeelsomethingbesidesphysicalattractionforher.Atleast,shehopedhewas.They
gotalongwelltogether.Sheknewandenjoyedranchlife,sotherewouldn'tbemuchadjustmentin
thatquarter.Anyway,thealternativewasgoingbacktoChicagotolivewithherghostsandtrytolive
withoutHarden.She'dtriedthatonceandfailed.Shewasn'tstrongenoughtotryitagain.Shesmiled
upathimsoftly."Monday,then,"shesaidquietly.Hardenhadn'trealizedthathe'dbeenholdinghis
breath.Heletitoutslowly,feelingasifhe'djustbeenhandedthekeytotheworld.Helookeddownat
her."Goodenough.Butjustfortherecord,honey,ifyouever,ever,getonthathorseagainwithout
permission,"hesaidinaseethingundertone,
"I'llfeedhimtoyou,tailfirst!"
Sheliftedhereyebrows."Youandwhosearmy,buster?"
Hegrinned.Hechuckled.Hewrappedherupandgaveherabearhug,thefirstreallyaffectionate
gestureoftheirturbulentrelationship.
TheyweremarriedthefollowingMonday.Miranda'sbrother,Sam,gaveheraway,andEvanwasbest
man.
Joan,Sam'swife,managedtogetaradiantMirandaalonelongenoughtofindouthowhappyshe
reallywas.
"Nomorelookingback,"Joansaidsoftly.“Promise?"
"Ipromise,"Mirandarepliedwithasmile."Thankyou.DidIeverjustsaythankyouforallyouand
Samhavedoneformeovertheyears?"
"Twiceaweek,atleast."Joanlaughed,andthenshesobered."He'satiger,thatman,"sheadded,
noddingtowardHarden,whowasstandingwithhisbrothersandSam."Areyousure?"
"Ilovehim,"Mirandasaidsimply.
Joannodded."Thenitwillbeallright."
Butwouldit,Mirandawondered,whenHardendidn'tloveher.
"Whatabunch,"Samsaidwithagrinashejoinedthem.Heputanaffectionatearmaroundhissister.
"Atleastyou'renostrangertohorsesandranchlife,"hesaid."You'llfitrightinhere.Happy,kitten?"
"Sohappy,"sheassuredhimwithahug.
"Well,Hardenwilltakecareofyou,"hesaid."Nodoubtaboutthat.But,"headdedwithalevelstare,
"nomoreleapingonhorses'backs.I'mnotsureyournewhusband'snerveswilltakeit!"Shelaughed,
delightedthatHardenhadsharedthatincidentwithSam.Itmeantthathelikedher,anyway.Hewanted
her,too,andshewasnervousdespitetheintimacythey'dshared.Shedidn'tknowifshewasgoingto
beenoughforhim.
Evanaddedhiscongratulations,alongwiththerestofthefamily.Theodorahuggedherwarmlyand
thenlookedwithbitterhopelessnessatHarden,who'dhardlyspokentoher.
"He'llgetoveritoneday,"Mirandasaidhesitantly.
"Overthefactsofhisbirth,maybe.OverAnita?Idon'tthinkheeverwill,"sheaddedabsently,
oblivioustotheshaken,tragiclookthatflashedbrieflyoverMiranda'sfeaturesbeforeshequickly
composedthem.
Suddenlyawareofwhatshe'dsaidTheodoraturned,flushing."Ican'teverseemtosaytherightthing,
canI?"sheaskedmiserably."I'msorry,Miranda,Ididn'tmeanthatthewayitsounded."
"Youdon'tneedtoapologizetome,"shetoldtheolderwomanquietly."Iknowhedoesn'tloveme.It's
allright.I'lltrytobeagoodwife,andtherewillbechildren."Theodoragrimaced.Hardenjoined
them,gatheringMirandawitheasypossessivenessunderhisarmtokissherwarmly.
"Hello,Mrs.Tremayne,"hesaidsoftly."Howgoesit?"
“I’mfine.Howaboutyou?"sheasked.
“I’llbebetterwhenwegetthereceptionoutoftheway.Ihadnoideawewererelatedtosomany
people,"hechuckled.ThenheglancedatTheodora,andthelaughterfaded.fewofthemarerelatedto
me,ofcourse,"headdedcuttingly.
Theodoradidn'treact.Hersadeyessearchedhis."Haveanicehoneymoon,Harden.You,too,
Miranda."Sheturnedandwalkedaway,ignoringherson'shostility.Mirandalookedupathim
worriedly."Youcan'tkeepthisup.You'recuttinghertopieces."Hiseyesnarrowed."Don'tinterfere,"
hecautionedquietly."Theodoraismybusiness."
"I'myourwife,"shebegan.
"Yes.Butthatdoesn'tmakeyoumyconscience.Let'sgetthisoverwith."Hetookherarmandledher
intothehouse,wherethecatererswerereadyforthereception.Thereceptionwasheldattheranch,
butTheodoraraninterferencelongenoughforthenewlywedstogetaway.
ConnalandPepishowedupforthewedding,andMirandafoundthatsheandPepiwerefastbecoming
friends.ConnalremindedheralotofEvan,exceptthathewasleanerandyounger.Pepiwasanelf,a
gentlecreaturewithbigeyes.SheandConnalhadlittleJamieBenTremaynewiththem,andhe
warmedMiranda'sheartashehadthenightthey'dhadsupperwiththerestofthefamily.Buthemade
heracheforthechildshe'dlost.That,alongwithTheodora'sfauxpasputtheonlydampersontheday
forher,andshecarriedthefaintsadnessalongontheirhoneymoon.They'ddecidedthatCancunwas
thebestplacetogo,becausetheybothhadapassionforarchaeology,andsomeMayanruinswere
nearthehotelthey'dbookedinto.Now,ashermemoriescamebacktohaunther,shewishedagainthat
she'dwaitedjustalittlelonger,thatshehadn'tletHardencoaxherintomarriagesoquickly.
Whatwasdonewasdone,though,andshehadtomakethebestofit.Hardenhadwatchedthejoygo
outofMirandaatthewedding,andheguessedthatitwasbecauseofConnalandPepi'sbaby.He
almostgroanedoutloud.Heshouldhavecarriedheroffandeloped,ashe'dthreatened.Nowitwas
toolate,andshewasburiedinthegriefofthepast.Asiftoemphasizethesombermoodthathad
invadedwhatshouldhavebeenahappytime,itbegantopourrain.
ChapterTen
Mirandahesitatedinthedoorwayoftheirhotelroom.Itreallyhadn'toccurredtoherthatthey'dbe
givenanythingexceptaroomwithdoublebeds.Butthere,dominatingtheroomwithitsoceanview,
wasahugeking-sizebed.
"We'remarried,"Hardensaidcurtly.
"Yes,ofcourse."ShestoodasidetoletthebellboybringtheluggageinandwaitedwhileHarden
tippedhimandclosedthedoor.
ShewalkedoutontothebalconyandlookedoutovertheGulfofMexico,alltooawareofHarden
behindher.Sherememberedthenightatthebridge,andthewayhe'drushedtosaveher.Presumably
heraction—rather,whatheperceivedtobeasuicideattempt—hadbroughtbackunbearable
memoriesforhim.Suicidewassomethingheknewalltoomuchabout,becausetheloveofhislife
haddiedthatway.
WasitallbecauseofAnita?Washerelivingtheaffairinhismind,andsubstitutingMiranda?
Exceptthistimetherewasnosuicide,therewasamarriageandahappyending.Shecouldhavecried.
Hardenmisattributedhersilentbroodingtoherownbittermemories,sohedidn'tsayanything.He
stoodbesideher,lettingtheseaairrufflehishairwhilehewatchedpeopleonthebeachandseagulls
makingdivesoutofthesky.
Hewasstillwearingthegraysuithe'dbeenmarriedin,andMirandawaswearingadressy,oyster-
coloredsuitofherownwithapaleblueblouse.Herhair,inachignon,waselegantandsleek.She
lookedmuchmorelikeabusinesswomanthanabride,afactthatstruckHardenforcibly.
"Wanttochange?"heasked."Wecouldgoswimmingorjustlayonthebeach."
"Yes,"shereplied.Withoutlookingathim,sheopenedhersuitcaseonitsrackanddrewouta
conservativeblueone-piecebathingsuitandasimplewhitecover-up.
"I'llchangeinthebathroom,"hesaidtersely,carryinghiswhitetrunksinthereandclosingthedoor
firmlybehindhim.
Itwasn't,Mirandathoughtwistfully,themostidyllicstartforahoneymoon.Shecouldn'thelp
rememberingthatTimhadbeenwildtogetherintobed,though,andhowunpleasantand
embarrassingithadbeenforher,inbroaddaylight.Timhadbeenselfishandquick,andher
memoriesofherweddingdaywerebitter.
Hardencamebackinjustasshewasgatheringuphersuntanlotionanddarkglasses.Inswimming
trunks,hewaseverythingTimhadn'tbeen.Shepausedwithherhandinhersuitcaseandjuststared,
takinginthepowerful,hair-roughenedlengthofhisbody,taperingfrombroad,bronzedshoulders
downaheavilymuscledchestandstomachtoleanhipsandlonglegs.Amalemodel,shethought,
shouldlookhalfasgood.
Heliftedaneyebrow,tryingnottolookasself-consciousasthatappraisalmadehimfeel.Notthathe
mindedthepurepleasureonherfaceasshestudiedhim,butitwasbeginningtohaveanoticeable
effectonhisbody.
Heturned."Readytogo?"Hedidn'tdarelooktoolongatherinthatclingysuit.Shepickedupthe
sunglassesshe'dbeenreachingfor."Yes.Shouldwetakeatowel?"
"They'llhavethemonthebeach.Iftheydon't,we'llbuyacoupleinthatdrugstorenexttothelobby."
Shefollowedhimouttothebeach.Therewasabuggywithfreshtowelsinit,beinghandedoutto
hotelpatronsastheyheadedforthesmallpalmumbrellasthatdottedthewhitesandbeach.
"Thewateristhemostgorgeouscolor,"shesighed,stretchingoutonaconvenientloungerwithher
towelunderher.
"Partoftheattraction,"heagreed.Hestretchedlazilyandclosedhiseyes."God,I'mtired.Areyou?"
"Justalittle.Ofcourse,I'mjustayoungthingmyself.Oldpeoplelikeyouprobablyfeelthe—
oh!"
Shelaughedashetumbledherofftheloungerontothesandandpinnedherthere,histwinklingeyes
justaboveherown."Old,myfoot,"hemurmured.Hisgazefelltohermouthandlingered.
"Youcan't,"shewhispered."It'sapublicbeach."
"Yes,Ican,"hewhisperedback,andbroughthismouthdownoverhers.Itwasalong,sweetkiss.He
drewbackfinally,hispaleeyesquietandcuriousonherrelaxedface."Youweredisturbedwhenwe
leftthehouse.DidTheodorasaysomethingtoyou?"Shehesitated.Perhapsitwouldbeaswelltoget
itoutintotheopen,sheconsidered."Harden,"shebegan,hereyeshesitantastheymethis,"Theodora
toldmeaboutAnita."Hisfacefroze.Hiseyesseemedtogoblank.Heliftedhimselfawayfrom
Miranda,andhisexpressiongaveawaynothingofwhathewasfeeling.DamnTheodora!Damnher
fordoingthattohim,forstabbinghimintheback!Shehadnorighttodragupthattragedyonhis
weddingday.He'dspentyearstryingtoforget;nowMirandawasgoingtoremindhimofitandbring
theanguishback.Hesatdownonhisloungerandlitacigarette,leaningbacktosmokeitandwatch
thesea."Isupposeit'sjustaswellthatyouknow,"hesaidfinally."ButIwon'ttalkaboutit.You
understand?"
"Shuttingmeoutagain,Harden?"sheaskedsadly."Isourmarriagegoingtobelikethat,eachofus
withlockedroomsinourheartswheretheothercan'tcome?"
"Iwon'ttalkaboutAnita,oraboutTheodora,"herepliedevenly."Makewhatyoulikeofit."Heputon
hisownsunglassesandclosedhiseyes,effectivelycuttingoffanyfurthereffortsatconversation.
Mirandawasshattered.Sheknewthenthatshe'dmadeanotherbadmarriage,anotherbigmistake,but
itwastoolatetodoanythingaboutit.Nowshehadtolivewithit.Theyhadaquietsupperinthehotel
restaurantmuchlater.Hardenwasquiet,sowasshe.Conversationhadbeenheldtoaminimumever
sincethey'dbeenonthebeach,andMiranda'ssadfacewasrevealingherinnermostthoughts.
Whentheygotbacktotheirroom,Mirandaturnedandfacedherhusbandwithanexpressionthat
almostdrovehimtoafuriousoutburst.Itwassofilledwithbitterresignation,withdeterminationto
performherwifelydutieswithstoiccourage,thathecouldhaveturnedtheairblue.
"Iwantadrink,"hesaidicily."BythetimeIgetback,youshouldbeasleepandsafefromany
lecherousintentionsImighthaveleft.Goodnight,Mrs.Tremayne,"headdedcontemptuously.
Mirandaglaredathim."Thankyouforaperfectday,"sherepliedwithequalcontempt"IfIeverhad
anydoubtsaboutmakingourmarriagework,you'vesuresetthemtorest."
Hiseyesnarrowedandglittered."Isthatasubtlehintthatyouwantme,afterall?Inthatcase,letme
obligeyou."
Hemovedforwardandpickedherupunexpectedly,tossingherintothecenterofthehugebed.He
followedherdown,coveringherwithhisownbody,andunerringlyfindinghersoftmouthwithhis
own.
Butshewastoohurttorespond,tooafraidofwhathemeanttodo.ItwaslikeTim...ShesaidTim's
namewithrealfearandHarden'sheadjerkedup,hiseyesglazing.
"You'rejustlikehim,reallyaren'tyou?"shechoked,hereyesfilledwithbittertears."Whatyouwant,
whenyouwantit,alwaysyourway,nomatterwhatthecosttoanyoneelse."Hescowled.Shelooked
sowounded,soalone.Hereacheddownandtouchedherface,lightly,tracingthehottears.
"Iwouldn'thurtyou,"hesaidhesitantly."Notthatway."
"Goahead,ifyouwantto,"shesaidtiredly,closinghereyes."Idon'tcare.Iknowbetterthantoexpect
lovefromamanwhocan'tforgivehismotheratwelve-year-oldtragedyoreventhecircumstancesof
hisbirth.Yourmothermusthavelovedyourfatherverymuchtohaveriskedtheshameand
humiliationofbeingpregnantwithanotherman'schildatthesametimeshewasmarriedtoyour
stepfather."Sheopenedhereyes,staringupathim."Butyoudon'tknowhowtolove,doyou,Harden?
Notanymore.AllyouknewofloveisburiedwithyourAnita.There'snothingleftinhere."Sheput
herhandagainsthisbroadchest,wherehisheartwasbeatinghardandraggedly."Nothingatall.Only
hate."
Hejerkedbackfromherhandandgottohisfeet,glaringdownather.
"Whydidyoumarryme?"sheaskedsadly,sittinguptostareathim."Wasitpity,orjustdesire?”
Hecouldn'tanswerher.Inthebeginning,ithadbeenpity.Desirecamequicklyafterthat,untilshe
obsessedhim.Butsinceshe'dbeenattheranch,he'dhadotherfeelings,feelingshe'dnever
experiencedevenwithAnita.Hishandwenttohischestwhereshe'dtouchedit,absentlyrubbingthe
placeherhandhadrested,asifhecouldfeelthewarmimprint.
"Youloveme,don'tyou?"heaskedunexpectedly.
Sheflushed,avertinghereyes."Thinkwhatyoulike."
Hedidn'tknowwhattosay,whattodo,anymore.Ithadallseemedsosimple.They'dgetmarriedand
he'dmakelovetoherwheneverheliked,andthey'dhavechildren.Nowitwasmuchmore
complicated.Herememberedthedayshe'dgoneriding,andhowblackhisworldhadgoneuntilshe'd
comeback.Herememberedtheterror,thesickfear,andsuddenlyheknewwhy.Kneweverything.
"Listen,"hebeganquietly."Thishasallgonewrong.Ithinkitmightbeagoodidea—"
"Ifwebreakitoffnow?"sheconcludedmistakenly,hergrayeyesstaringbravelyintohis."Yes,I
thinkyou'reright.Neitherofusisreallyreadyforthiskindofcommitmentyet.Youwererightwhen
yousaiditwastoosoon."
"Itisn'tthat,"hesaidheavily."Andwecan'tgetadivorceonourweddingday."Shegnawedherlower
lip."No.Iguessnot."
"We'llstayforacoupleofdays,atleast.Whenwe'rehome...we'llmakedecisions."Heturned,picked
uphisclothes,andwentintothebathroomtodress.
Shechangedquicklyintoasimplelongcottongownandgotunderthecovers.Sheclosedhereyes,
butsheneedn'thavebothered,becausehedidn'tevenlookatherashewentoutthedoor.Therestof
theirstayinCancunwentbyquickly,withthetwoofthembeingpolitetoeachotherandnotmuch
more.TheywentonadaytriptotheruinsatChichenItza,wanderingaroundthesprawlingMaya
ruinswithscoresofothertourists.Theruinscoveredfourmiles,withtheirwidelyspreadbuildings
provingthatitwasacultcenterandnotjustaconventionalcity.Ahugeplazaopenedouttovarious
religiousbuildings.TheMayanfarmerswouldjourneytherefortheyear'sgreatreligiousfestivals;
archaeologistsalsoassumedthatmarketsandcouncilmeetingsdrewthecitizenstoChichenItza.
ThetwomostinterestingaspectsoftheancientcitytoMirandaweretheobservatoryandtheSacred
Cenote—orsacrificialwell.
Shestoodatitsedgeandlookeddownpasttheunderbrushintothemurkywaterandshivered.Itwas
nothinglikethementalpictureshehad,ofsomesmallwell-likestructure.Itwasacavernousopening
thatleddown,downintothewater,whereoveraperiodofmanyyears,anestimatedonehundred
humanbeingsweresacrificedtoappeasethegodsintimeofdrought.Thepoolcoveredalmostan
acre,anditwassixty-fivefeetfromitstree-linededgedownlimestonecliffstothewaterbelow.
"Itgivesmethescreamingwillies,"amanbesideMirandaremarked."Imagineallthosethousandsof
virginsbeingpushedoffthecliffintothatyuckywater.Sacrificingpeoplebecauseofreligion.Isthat
primitive,orwhat?"
"EverhearoftheChristiansandthelions?"Hardendrawled.Themangavehimalookand
disappearedintothecrowd.
Ifthingshadbeenlessstrained,Mirandamighthavecorrectedthatassumptionaboutthenumbers,and
sex,ofthesacrificedMayansandremindedthetouristthatfactandfictionblendedinthisancient
place.ButHardenhadinhibitedhertoomuch.Sharingherlong-standingeducationinthepastofChi-
chenItzaprobablywouldn'thaveendearedhertothetourist,either.Historicalfacthadbeen
submergedinfavorofHollywoodfictioninsomanyoftheworld'splacesofinterest.
Mirandawanderedbackontothegrassyplazaandstaredattheobservatory.Sheknewthatdespite
theirinfrequentsacrificialurges,theMayawereanintelligentpeoplewhohadanadvancedconcept
ofastronomyandmathematics,andalibrarythatcoveredtheentirehistoryofMaya.SadlySpanish
missionariesin1545burnedthebooksthatcontainedtheMayahistory.Onlythreesurvivedtothe
presentday.
Mirandawanderedbacktothebus.Itwasasoberingexperiencetolookattheruinsandconsiderthat
in500B.C.thiswasathrivingcity,wherepeoplelivedandworshipedandprobablyneverconsidered
thattheircivilizationwouldeverend.Justlikeus,shethoughtphilosophically,andshivered.Justlike
mymarriages,bothinruins,bothlikeChichenItza.
Shewassomberbacktothehotel,andfortherestoftheirstayinCancun.Shedidthings
mechanically,andwithoutanyrealenjoyment.NotthatHardenwasanymorejovialthanshewas.
Probably,sheconsidered,he'ddecidedthattherewasn'tmuchtosalvagefromtheirbriefrelationship.
Andmaybeitwasjustaswell.
WhentheygotbacktoJacobsville,Theodorainsistedthattheystaywithheruntiltheirownhomewas
readyforoccupancy—amatterofbarelyaweek.Neitherofthemhadthehearttoannouncethattheir
honeymoonhadresultedinacomingdivorce.
Evan,however,sensedthatsomethingwaswrong.Theirfirsteveningback,hesteeredMirandaonto
thefrontporchwithadeterminedexpressiononhisswarthyface.
"Okay.What'swrong?"heaskedabruptly.
Shewastakenabackatthesuddenquestion."W-what?"
"Youheardme,"hereplied."Youbothcamehomelookinglikedeathwarmedover,andifanything
exceptarguingtookplaceduringthewholetrip,I'lleatmyhat."
"Theonethatcoulddoubleasanumbrella?"sheaskedwithafeebleattemptathumor.
"Cutitout.IknowHarden.Whathappened?"
Mirandasighed,givingin."He'sstillinlovewithAnita,that'sall,sowedecidedthatwemadea
mistakeandwe'regoingtogetitannulled."
Heraisedaneyebrow."Annulled?"heemphasized.
Shecolored."Yes,well,foramanwhoseemedtobebristlingwithdesire,hesurechanged."
"Youdoknowthathe'savirgin?"Evanasked.
Sheknewherjawwasgaping.Sheclosedhermouth."He'sawhat?"
"Youdidn'tknow,"hemurmured."Well,he'dkillmefortellingyou,butit'sbeenfamilygossipfor
years.Hewantedtobeaminister,andhe'shadnothingtodowithwomensinceAnitadied.Aladies'
man,heain't."
Mirandaknewthat,butshe'dassumedhehadsomeexperience.Heactedasifhehad.
"Areyousure?"sheblurtedout.
"OfcourseI'msure.Look,he'sbackwardandfullofhang-ups.It'sgoingtobeuptoyoutomakethe
firstmove,oryou'llendupindivorcecourtbeforeyouknowit."
"But,Ican't,"shegroaned.
"Yes,youcan.You'reawoman.Getsomesexyclothesanddrivehimnuts.Wearperfume,drop
handkerchiefs,vamphim.Thengethimbehindalockeddoorandletnaturetakeitscourse.ForGod's
sake,woman,youcan'tgiveuponhimlessthanaweekafterthewedding!"
"Hedoesn'tloveme!"
"Makehim,"hesaid,hiseyessteelyandlevel."Anddon'ttellmeyoucan't.Isawhimwhenyouwere
lategettingbackonthatkillerstallion.I'veneverseenhimsoshaken.Amanwhocanfeelthatkindof
fearforawomancanloveher."
Shehesitatednow,luredbytheprospectofHardenfallinginlovewithher."Doyoureallythinkhe
could?"
Hesmiled."Heisn'tascoldashelikespeopletothinkheis.There'sasoftcoreinthatmanthat'sbeen
stompedontoomanytimes."
"IguessIcouldtry,"shesaidslowly.
"Iguessyoucould."
Shesmiledandwentbackinside,hermindwhirlingwithpossibilities.Thenextday,Mirandaasked
Theodoratotakehershopping,andsheboughtthekindofclothesshe'dneverworninherlife.She
hadherhairtrimmedandstyled,andsheboughtunderwearthatmadeherblush.
"Isthisacampaign?"Theodoraaskedonthewayhome,herdarkeyestwinkling.
"Iguessitis,"shesighed."Rightnow,itlooksasifhe'sreadytotossmebackintothelake."
"I'msorrythatImentionedAnitaonyourweddingday,"theolderwomansaidheavily."Icouldsee
thelightgooutofyou.HardenandImaynevermakeourpeace,Miranda,butInevermeanttoput
youinthemiddle."
"Iknowthat."Sheturnedintheseat,readjustingherseatbelt."DoesHardenknowanythingabouthis
realfather?"
Theodorasmiled."No.He'sneverwantedto."
"Wouldyoutellme?"
Theolderwoman'seyesgrewmistywithremembrance."HewasacaptainintheGreenBerets,
actually,"shesaid."ImethimataFourthofJulyparade,ofallthings,inHoustonwhilemyhusband
andIweretemporarilyseparated.HewasafarmboyfromTennessee,buthehadabigheartandhe
wasfulloffun.Wewenteverywheretogether.Hespoiledme,pamperedme,fellinlovewithme.
BeforeIknewit,Iwasinlovewithhim,desperatelyinlovewithhim!"
Sheturnedontotheroadthatledtotheranch,frowningnowwhileMirandalistened,entranced.
"Neitherofuswantedanaffair,butwhatwefeltwasmuchtooexplosiveto...Well,Iguessyouknow
aboutthat,"sheaddedshyly.'"Peopleinlovehaveahardtimecontrollingtheirpassions.Wewereno
different.Hegavemearing,abeautifulemerald-and-diamondringthathadbeenhismother's,andI
filedfordivorce.Weweregoingtobemarriedassoonasthedivorcewasfinal.Buthewassentto
Vietnamandthefirstdaythere,theVietCongattackedandhewaskilledbymortarfire."
"Andyoudiscoveredyouwerepregnant,"Mirandapromptedwhentheotherwomanhesitated,her
eyesanguished.
"Yes."Sheshiftedbehindthewheel."Abortionwasoutofthequestion.IlovedBarrysomuch,more
thanmyownlife.I'dhaveriskedanythingtohavehischild.Ididn'tknowwhattodo.Igotsickand
couldn'twork,andIhadnowheretogowhenIwasaskedtoleavemyapartmentfornonpaymentof
rentAboutthattime,Jesse,myownhusband,cameandaskedmetocomebacktotheranch,toendthe
separation.Evanwasveryyoung,andhehadagovernessforhim,buthemissedme."
"Didyourhusbandloveyou?"Mirandaaskedsoftly.
"Yes.Thatmadeitsomuchworse,yousee,becausehewasjealousandoverpossessiveandover-
protective—that'swhyIlefthiminthefirstplace.Butperhapstheexperiencetaughthimsomething,
becauseheneverthrewtheaffairuptome.Hebroughtmebackhomeandafterthefirstfewweeks,he
becameinvolvedwithmypregnancy.Helovedchildren,youknow.Itdidn'tevenmattertohimthat
Hardenwasn'thisown.Heneverletitmattertoanyoneelse,either.Wehadagoodlife.Ididmy
grievingforBarryinsecret,andthenIfellinlovewithmyhusbandalloveragain.ButHardenhas
madesuresinceAnita'sdeaththatIpaidforallmyoldsins.Interesting,thattheinstrumentofmy
punishmentforanillicitaffairandanillegitimatechildisthechildhimself."
"I'msorry,"Mirandasaid."Itcan'tbeeasyforyou."
"Itisn'teasyforHarden,either,"camethesurprisingreply.Theodorasmiledsadlyastheyreachedthe
house."Thatgetsmethroughit."ShelookedatMirandawithdark,sombereyes."He'stheimageof
Barry."
"Iwishyoucouldmakehimlisten."
"What'stheoldsaying,'ifwisheswerehorses,beggarscouldride'?"Theodorashookherhead.
"Mydear,we'reallwalkingthesedays."
Later,likeahuntresswaitingforherpreytoappear,Mirandadonnedthesexyunderwearandthe
incrediblysee-throughlemon-yellowgownshe'dbought,sprayedherselfwithperfume,andexhibited
herselfinaseductivepositiononthebedinthebedroomthey'dbeensharing.Hardenmadesurehe
didn'tcomeinuntilshewasasleep,andhewasgonebeforeshewokeinthemorning.Buttonight,she
waswaitingforhim.IfwhatEvansaid,asincredibleasitseemed,wastrue,andHardenwasinnocent,
itwasgoingtobedelicioustoseducehim.Shehadtomakeallowancesforhispride,ofcourse,so
shecouldn'tadmitthatsheknew.Thatmadeitallthemoreexciting.Itwasalongtimebeforethedoor
swungopenandhertired,dust-stainedhusbandcameinthedoor.HepausedwithhisStetsoninhis
handandgapedatherwhereshelayonthebed,onherside,oneperfectsmallbreastalmostbare.
"Hi,cowboy,"shesaidhuskily,andsmiledathim."Longday?"
"Whatthehellareyoududdedupfor?"heaskedcurtly.
Sheeasedoffthebedandstoodup,sothathecouldgetagoodviewofhercreamybodyunderthe
gauzyfabricofhergown.Shestretched,liftingherbreastssothatthealreadyhardtipswerepushing
againstthebodice.
"Iboughtsomenewclothes,that'sall,"shemurmureddrowsily."Goingtohaveashower?"He
mutteredsomethingunderhisbreathabouthavingonewithicecubesandslammedthebathroom
doorbehindhim.
Mirandalaughedsoftlytoherselfwhensheheardtheshowerrunning.Nowifonlyshecouldkeepher
nerve,ifonlyshecoulddullhissensessothathecouldn'tresisther.Shepulledthehemofthegown
uptoherthighsandthestrapoffoneroundedshoulderandlayagainstthepillows,waiting.Hecame
out,eventually,withadarkgreentowelsecuredaroundhiships.Shelookedupathim,hereyes
slitted,herlipspartedinvitinglywhilehiseyesslidoverherbodywithanythingbutashy,innocent
appraisal.Thelookwassohot,shewrithedunderit.
"Isthiswhatittookforyourlatehusband?"heasked,hisowneyesnarrowandalmostinsulting.
"Didyouhavetodressuptogethiminterested?"
Herbreathcaught.Shesatup,rightinghergown."Harden..."shebegan,readytoexplain,despiteher
intentionnotto.
"Well,Idon'tneedthatkindofstimulationwhenI'minterested,"hesaid,controllingafiercely
subduedrageoverherbehavior.Shemustthinkhimimpotent,attheleast,togosofartogethiminto
bed.Whichonlymadehimmoresuspiciousabouthermotives.
"Youusedtobeinterested,"shestammered.
"SoIdid,beforeyoudecidedthatIneededreforming,beforeyoustartedinterferinginmylife.I
wantedyou.Butnotanymore,honey,andallthosecutetricksyou'repracticingdon'tdoadamned
thingforme."
Hepulledheragainsthim,"Can'tyoutell?"
Hislackofinterestwassoblatantthatsheturnedhereyesaway,barelyawarethathewaspulling
clothesoutofdrawersandclosets.Tearsblindedher.Shehidunderthecoversandpulledthemupto
herblushingface,shiveringwithshame.ThishadbeenTim'sfavoriteweapon,makingherfeel
inadequate,toolittleawomantoarousehim.HerpridelayontheflooratHarden'sfeet,andhedidn't
evencare.
"Forfuturereference,I'lldothechasingwhenI'minterestedinsex,"hesaid,glaringdownather
whiteface."Idon'twantitwithyou,notanymore.Itoldyouitwasover.Youshouldhavelistened."
"Yes.Ishouldhave,"shesaidhoarsely.
Hefeltwoundedallover.She'dlovedhim,heknewshehad,butshecouldn'tjustbehiswife,shehad
tobeareformer,toharponhisfeudwithTheodora,tomakehimseemcruelandselfish.He'dbeen
stingingeversinceCancun,especiallysincesomeofthoseaccusationswererightonthemoney.But
thiswasthelaststraw,thisseductiveactofhers.He'dhadwomencomeontohimallhisadultlife,
theirveryaggressivenessturninghimoff.Hehadn'texpectedhisownwifetotreathimlikesome
casualstudtosatisfyherpassions.Wasshereallythatdesperateforsex?
Heturnedandwentoutoftheroom.Itdidn'thelpthathecouldhearMirandacryingeventhroughthe
closeddoor.
Evanheardit,too,andminuteslaterheconfrontedhisbrotherinthebarn,whereHardenwas
checkingononeofthemaresinfoal.
Thebiggermanwastakingoffhishatashewalkeddownthewide,wood-chip-shaving-filledaisle
betweentherowsofstalls,hisswarthyfacesetinhardlines,hismouthbarelyvisibleashisjaw
clenched.
“Thatdoesit,"hesaid,andkeptcoming."Thatreallydoesit.Thatpoorwoman'shadenoughfrom
you!"
Hardenthrewoffhisownhatandstood,waiting."Goahead,throwapunch.You'llgetitback,with
interest,"hereplied,histonelazy,hisblueeyesbrightwithanger.
"Shegoesshoppingandbuysallsortsofsexyclothestoturnyouon,andthenyouleaveherintears!
Doesn'titmattertoyouthatshewastryingtomakeiteasyforyou?"hedemanded.Hardenfrowned.
Somethingwasn'trighthere."Easyforme?"heprompted.Evansighedangrily."Iwasn'tgoingtotell
you,butmaybeI'dbetter.Itoldherthetruthaboutyou,"hesaidshortly.
"Aboutwhat?"
"Youknowaboutwhat!"Evangrowled."Itwasherrighttoknow,afterall,she'syourwife."
"Whatdidyoutellher,forGod'ssake?"Hardenraged,attheendofhispatience.
"Thetruth."Evansquaredhisshouldersandwaitedfortheexplosionashereplied,"Itoldheryou
wereavirgin."
ChapterEleven
ForaminuteHardenjuststoodstaringathisbrother,lookingasifhehadn'theardaword.Thenhe
begantolaugh,softlyatfirst,buildingintoaroarofsoundthatechoeddownthelongaisle.
"Itisn'tfunny,"Evangloweredathim."MyGod,it'snothingtobeashamedof.Thereareplentyof
menwhoarecelibate.Priests,forinstance..."
Hardenlaughedlouder.
Evanwipedhissleeveacrosshisbroad,dampforeheadandsighedheavily."What'ssodamned
funny?"
Hardenstoppedtogethisbreathbeforeheanswered,andlitacigarette.Hetookadeepdraw,staring
amusedlyathisolderbrother.
"Ineverbotheredtodenyit,becauseitdidn'tmatter.ButIoughttodeckyouforpassingthatold
gossipontoMiranda.Igaveherhellupstairsforwhatshedid.Ihadnoideashewassupposedtobe
helpingmethroughmyfirsttime!"
Evancockedhishead,narrowingoneeye."Youaren'tavirgin?"
Hardendidn'tanswerhim.Heliftedthecigarettetohismouth."Isthatwhyshewentonthatspending
spreeintown,tobuysexyclothestovampmewith?"
"Yes.I'masmuchhelpasMother,Iguess,"Evansaidquietly."IoverheardhertellingMirandathat
you'dnevergetoverAnita."
Hardenfrowned."When?"
"Atthereception,beforeyouleftonyourhoneymoon."
Hardengroanedandclosedhiseyes.Heturnedtothebarnwallandhititsoundlywithhisfist.
"Damntheluck!"
"Onemisunderstandingafteranother,isn'tit?"Evanleanedabroadshoulderagainstthewall.
"Wassheright?AreyoustillinlovewithAnita?"
"No.Maybeyouwererightaboutthat.Maybeitwashertime,andMotherwasjustalinkinthechain
ofevents."
"MyGod,"Evanexclaimedreverently."Isthatreallyyoutalking,ordoyoujusthaveafever?"he
askeddryly.
HardenglancedupatthelightedwindowoftheroomhesharedwithMiranda."I'vegotafever,all
right.AndIknowjusthowtogetitdown."
HeleftEvanstandingandwentuptothebedroom,hiseyesgleamingwithmischiefandanticipated
pleasure.
Butthesightthatmethimwhenheopenedthedoorwasn'tconducivetopleasure.Mirandawasfully
dressedinaprettywhitesilkdressthatwasevenmoreseductivethanthenightgownshe'ddiscarded,
andshewaspackingasuitcase.
Sheturnedatearstainedfacetohis."Don'tworry,I'mgoing,"shesaidshortly."Youdon'thaveto
throwmeofftheplace."
Heclosedthedoorcalmly,turnedthelock,andtossedhishatontoachairbeforehemovedtoward
her.
"Youcanstoprightthere,"shesaidwarningly.I’mgoinghome!"
"Youarehome,"hesaidevenly.
Hesweptthesuitcase,clothesandall,offthebedontothefloorintoalitteredheapandbenttolifta
startledMirandainhishardarms.
"Youputmedown!"sheraged.
"Anythingtooblige,sweetheart."Hethrewherontothebedandbeforeshecouldrollaway,hehad
herpinnedagainstthedisheveledcovers,onelonglegholdingherthrashingbody.Shefoughthim
likeatigressuntilhecaughtherwristsandpressedthemintothemattressoneithersideofherhead.
Herhairwasadarkcloudaroundherflushedfaceasshestaredupathimfuriously,hersilvereyes
flashingathim.
"I'vehadenoughofdamnedmen!"sheragedathim."ItwasbadenoughhavingTimtellmeIwasn't
womanenoughtoholdamanwithouthavingyourubmyfaceinit,too!Ihavemypride!"
"Pride,andalotofotherfaults,"hemused."Badtemper,impatience,interferinginthingsthatdon't
concernyou..."
"Whatareyou,Mr.SweetnessandLight,apatternforperfectmanhood?!"
"Notbyalongshot,"hesaidpleasantly,studyingherface."You'reawildcat,Miranda.EverythingI
everwanted,evenifitdidtakemealongtimetorealizeit,andtoadmitit."
"Youdon'twantme,"shesaid,hervoicebreakingasshetriedtospeakbravelyaboutit."Youshowed
me...!"
"Ihadacoldshower,remember,"hewhispered,smilinggently."Here.Feel."Hemovedslowly,
sensuously,andsomethingpredictableandbeautifulhappenedtohim,somethingsoblatantthatshe
caughtherbreath.
"Iwantyou,"hesaidsoftly."Butit'smuch,muchmorethanwanting.Doyoulikepoetry,Miranda?"
hebreathedatherlips,brushingthemwithmaddeningleisureashespoke."'ShallIcomparetheetoa
summer'sday?Thouartmorelovely,andmoretemperate...'"Hekissedherslowly,nibblingather
lowerlipwhileshetrembledwithpleasure."Shakespearecouldn'thavebeentalkingaboutyou,could
he,sweetheart?Youaren'ttemperate,evenifyouareeverybitaslovelyasasummer'sday...!"The
kissgrewrough,anddeep,andhisleanhandsfoundherhips,grindingthemupagainsthisfierce
arousal.
"ThisishowmuchIwantyou,"hebitoffatherlips."Ihopeyoutookvitamins,becauseyou'regoing
toneedeverybitofstrengthyou'vegot."
Shecouldn'tevenspeak.Hishandswereagainstherskin,andthenhismouthwas.She'dneverinher
wildestdreamsimaginedsomeofthewayshetouchedher,someofthethingshewhisperedwhilehe
arousedher.Hetookheralmosteffortlesslytoafeverpitchofpassionandthencalmedherand
startedalloveragain.
Itwasthesweetestkindofpleasuretofeelhimgetthefabricawayfromherhotskin,andthentofeel
hisownhair-roughenedbodyintimatelyagainstherown.Itwasallofheaventokissandbekissed,to
touchandbetouched,tolethimpleasureheruntilshewasmindlesswithneed.
"Evansaid...youwere...avirgin,"shewhispered,hervoicebreakingasshelooked,shocked,intothe
amusedindulgenceofhisfacewhenthetensionwasunbearable.Helaughed,thesoundsoftand
predatory."AmI?"hewhispered,andpusheddown,hard.Shecouldn'tbelievewhatshewasfeeling.
Hisfaceblurredandthenvanished,anditwasallfeverishmotionandfranticgraspingandsharp,hot
pleasurethatbroughtconvulsivestatisfaction.Shelayinhisarmsafterward,tearsrunninghelplessly
downhercheekswhilehesmokedacigaretteandabsentlysmoothedherdisheveledhair.Shewasstill
tremblingintheaftermath.
"Areyouallright,littleone?"heaskedgently.
"Yes."Shelaidherwetcheekagainsthisshoulder."Ididn'tknow,"shestammered.
"It'sdifferent,everytime,"herepliedquietly."Butsometimesthere'salevelofpleasurethatyoucan
onlyexperiencewithonecertainperson."Hislipsbrushedherforeheadwithbreathlesstenderness."It
helpsifyou'reinlovewiththem."
"Isupposeyoucouldn'thelpbutknowthat,"shesaid,hereyesfaintlysad."Ialwaysdidwearmyheart
onmysleeve."
Henuzzledherfaceuntilsheliftedittohisquiet,vividblueeyes."Iloveyou,"hesaidquietly.
"Didn'tyouknow?"
No,shedidn'tknow.Herbreathstoppedinherthroatandshefelttheflushthatevenreddenedher
breasts.
"MyGod,"hemurmured,watchingitspread."I'veneverseenawomanblushhere."Hetouchedher
breasts,verygently.
"Well,nowyouhave,andyoucanstopthrowingyourconquestsinmyface—Oh!"Hismouth
stoppedthetirade,andhesmiledagainstit."Theyweren'tconquests,theywereeducational
experiencesthatmademetheperfectspecimenofmaleprowessyouseebeforeyou."
"Ofalltheconceitedpeople..."shebegan.
Hetouchedher,andshegasped,clingingtohim.
"Whatwasthatbit,aboutbeingconceited?"heasked.
Shemoanedandcurledintohisbody,shivering."Harden!"shecried.
"I'llbetyoudidn'tevenknowthatonlyonemanoutoftwentyiscapableofthis...."Thecigarettewent
intotheashtrayandhisbodycoveredhers.Andhegaveheralongandunbearablysweetlessonin
raremaleendurancethatlastedalmostuntilmorning.
Whenshewoke,hewasdressed,whistlingtohimselfashewhippedabeltaroundhisleanhipsand
securedthebigsilverbuckle.
"Awake?"hemurmureddryly.Hearchedaneyebrowasshemovedandgroanedandwinced."Icould
stayhomeandwecouldmakelovesomemore."
Shecaughtherbreath,gapingathim."Andyourbrotherthinksyou'reavirgin!"sheburstout.He
shrugged."Weallmakemistakes."
"Yes,wellthepeoplewhowritesexmanualscoulddotwochaptersonyou!"shegasped.Hegrinned.
"Icouldreturnthecompliment.Don'tgetupunlessyouwantto.Havingyoutaketoyourbedcanonly
reflectfavorablyonmyreputationinthehousehold."Sheburstoutlaughingattheexpressiononhis
face.Shesatup,lettingthecoversfallbelowherbarebreasts,andheldoutherarms.
Hedroppedintothem,kissingherwithlazyaffec-
HARDEN
tion."Iloveyou,"hewhispered."I'msorryifIwasalittletooenthusiasticaboutshowingit."
"NomoreenthusiasticthanIwas,"shemurmuredsoftly.Shereachedupandkissedhimback."Iwish
youcouldstayhome.IwishIwasn'tso...incapacitated."
"Don'tsoundregretful,"hechuckled."Wasn'titfungettingyouthatway?"Sheclungtohim,sighing.
"Oh,yes."Hereyesopenedandshestaredpasthimatthewall,almostpurringashishandsfoundher
silkybreastsandcaressedthemsoftly."Harden?"
"What,sweetheart?"
Sheclosedhereyes."Nothing.Just...Iloveyou."
Hesmiled,andreacheddowntokissheragain.
WhenhewentdownstairstohaveJeanieMaytakeatrayuptoMiranda,EvangrinnedlikeaCheshire
cat.
"Wornheroutafteronlyoneday?You'dbetterputsomevitaminsonthattrayandfeedherup,"he
said.
Hardenactuallygrinnedback."I'mworkingonthat."
"Igathereverything'sgoingtobeallright?"
"Nothankstoyou,"Hardensaidmeaningfully.
Evan'scheekswentruddy."Iwasonlytryingtohelp,andhowwasItoknowthetruth?MyGod,you
neverwentaroundwithwomen,youneverbroughtanybodyhome...Youcouldhavebeenavirgin!"
Hardensmiledsecretly."Yes,Icouldhave."
ThewayheputitmadeEvanmoresuspiciousthanever."Areyou?"heasked.
"Notanymore,"camethedryreply."EvenifIwas,"headdedtofurtherconfoundtheolderman.The
smilefaded."Where'sTheodora?"
"Outfeedingherchickens."
Henodded,andwentoutthebackdoor.He'dsaidsomehardthingstoTheodoraovertheyears,and
Mirandawasrightabouthisvendetta.Itwastimetorunupthewhiteflag.Theodorasawhimcoming
andgrimaced,andwhenhesawthatexpression,somethingtwistedinhisheart.
"Goodmorning,"hesaid,hishandsstuffedintohispockets.Theodoraglancedathimwarily."Good
morning,"shereplied,tossingcorntohersmallcongregationofRhodeIslandReds.
"Ithoughtwemighthaveatalk."
"Whybother?"sheaskedquietly."YouandMirandawillbeinyourownplacebynextweek.You
won'thavetocomeoverhereexceptatChristmas."
Hetookoutacigaretteandlitit,tryingtodecidehowtoproceed.Itwasn'tgoingtobeeasy.Inall
fairness,itshouldn'tbe,heconceded.
"I...wouldliketoknowaboutmyfather,"hesaid.
ThebowlslidinvoluntarilyfromTheodora'shandsandscatteredtherestofthecornwhileshestared,
white-faced,atHarden."What?"sheasked.
"Iwanttoknowaboutmyfather,"hesaidtersely.
"Whohewas,whathelookedlike."Hehesitated."Howyou...feltabouthim."
"Iimagineyouknowthatalready,"sherepliedproudly."Don'tyou?"Heblewoutacloudofsmoke.
"Yes.IthinkIdo,now,"heagreed."There'sabigdifferencebetweenloveandinfatuation.Ididn't
know,untilImetMir-anda."
"Allthesame,I'msorryaboutAnita,"shesaidtightly."I'vehadtolivewithit,too,youknow."
"Yes."Hehesitated."It...musthavebeenhardforyou.Havingme,livinghere."Hestaredather,
searchingforwords."IfMirandaandIhadn'tmarried,ifI'dgivenherachild,Iknowshe'dhavehad
it.Cherishedit.Lovedit,becauseitwouldhavebeenapartofme."Theodoranodded.
"Andalltheshame,allthetauntsandcuttingremarks,wouldhavepassedrightoffherbecausewe
lovedeachothersomuch,"hecontinued."She'dhaveraisedmychild,andwhatshefeltforhim
wouldhavebeen...special,becausealovelikethatonlyhappensonceformostpeople."Theodora
avertedhereyes,blindedbytears."Ifthey'relucky,"shesaidhuskily.
"Ididn'tknow,"hesaidunsteadily,unconsciouslyrepeatingtheverywordsMirandahadsaidtohim
thenightbefore."Ineverloved...untilnow."
Theodoracouldn'tfindthewords.Sheturned,findinganequalemotioninHarden'sface.Shestood
there,smallanddefenseless,andsomethingburstinsidehim.Heheldouthisarms.Theodorawent
intothem,cryingherheartoutagainsthisbroadchest,washingawayallthebitternessandpainand
hurt.Shefeltsomethingwetagainsthercheek,wherehisfacerested,andaroundthemthewindblew.
"Mother,"hesaidhuskily.
Herthinarmstightened,andshesmiled,thankingGodformiracles.Later,theysatonthefrontporch
andshetoldhimabouthisfather,bringingoutalong-hiddenalbumthatcontainedtheonlyprecious
photographsshehad.
"Helookslikeme,"Hardenmused,seeinghisownfacereflectedinwhat,inthephotograph,wasa
muchyoungerone.
"Hewaslikeyou,"shereplied."Braveandloyalandloving.Henevershirkedhisduty,andIloved
himwithallmyheart.Istilldo.Ialwayswill."
"Didyourhusbandknowhowyoufelt?"
"Oh,yes,"shesaidsimply."Iwastoohonesttopretend.Buthelovedchildren,yousee,andmy
pregnancybroughtoutallhisprotectiveinstincts.HelovedmethewayIlovedBarry,"sheadded
sadly.
"IgavehimallIcould,andhopedthatitwouldbeenough."Shebrushedatatear."Helovedyou,you
know.Eventhoughyouweren'tbloodkintohim,hewascrazyaboutyoufromthedayyouwere
born."Hesmiled."Yes.Iremember."Hefrownedashelookedathismother.“I’msorry.I'mso
damnedsorry."
“Youhadtofindyourway,"shesaid.“Ittookalongtime,andyouhadplentyofsorrowalongthe
way.Iknewwhatyouweregoingthroughinschool,withtheotherchildrenthrowingthefactsof
yourbirthuptoyou.ButifIhadinterfered,Iwouldhavemadeitworse,don'tyousee?Youhadto
learntocope.Experienceisalwaysthebestteacher."
"Evenifitdoesn'tseemsoatthetime.Yes,Iknowthatnow."
"AboutAnita..."
Hetookherthin,wrinkledhandinhisandheldittightly."Anita'speoplewouldneverhaveletus
marry.Butevennow,Ican'treallybesurethatitwasmeshewanted,orjustsomeoneherparents
didn'tapproveof.Shewasveryyoung,andhigh-strung,andhermotherdiedinanasylum.Evansaid
thatifGodwantssomeonetolive,theywill,despitetheodds.Idon'tknowwhyIneverrealizedthat
untilnow."
Shesmiledgently."IthinkMiranda'sopenedyoureyestoalotofthings."Henodded."Shewon'tever
forgetherhusband,orthechildshelost.That'sagoodthing.Ourexperiencesmakeusthepeoplewe
are.Butthepastisjustthat.SheandIwillmakeourownhappiness.Andthere'llbeotherbabies.Alot
ofthem,Ihope."
"Oh,thatremindsme!JoAnn'spregnant!"
"Maybeit'sthewater,"Hardensaid,andsmiledather.
Shelaughed.Thesmilefadedandhereyeswereeloquent."Iloveyouverymuch."
"I...loveyou,"hesaidstiffly.He'dsaiditmoreintwodaysthanhe'dsaiditinhislife.Probablyit
wouldgeteasierashewentalong.Theodoradidn'tseemtomind,though.Shejustbeamedandaftera
minute,sheturnedthepageintheoldalbumandstartedrelatingotherstoriesaboutHarden'sfather.It
waslateafternoonbeforeMirandacamedownstairs,andEvanwastryingnottosmileasshewalked
gingerlyintothelivingroomwhereheandHardenwerediscussinganewlandpurchase.
"Goahead,laugh,"shedaredEvan."It'sallyourfault!"Evandidlaugh."Ican'tbelievethat'sa
complaint,judgingbythedisgustinglysmuglookonyourhusband'sface,"hemused.
Sheshookherhead,asbrightasanewpennyasshewentintoHarden'sarmsandpressedclose.
"Nocomplaintsatall,"Hardensaid,sighing.Heclosedhiseyesandlaidhischeekagainstherdark
hair."IjusthopeIwon'tdieofhappiness."
“Peoplehave,"Evanmurmured.Buthiseyesweresadasheturnedawayfromthem."Well,I'dbetter
getbusy.Ishouldbebackintimeforsupper,ifthisdoesn'trunlate."
“GiveAnnamylove,"Hardenreplied.
Evangrimaced."Annaisprecocious,"hemuttered."Tooforwardandtoooutspokenbyfarfora
nineteen-year-old."
"Mostofmyfriendsweremarriedbythatage,"Mirandavolunteered.Evanlookeduncomfortableand
almosthauntedforaminute."Shedoesn'tevenneedtobethere,"hesaidshortly."HermotherandI
candiscussalanddealwithouther."
"Ishermotherpretty?"Mirandaasked."Maybeshe'schaperoningyou."
"Hermotherisfiftyandasthinasarail,"hereplied."Hardlymytype."
"WhatdoesAnnalooklike?"Mirandaasked,curiousnow.
"She'svoluptuous,tocoinaphrase,"Hardenansweredforhistaciturnbrother."Blondeandblue-eyed
andtall.She'sbeenswimmingaroundEvanforfouryears,buthewon'tevengiveheralook.He's
thirty-four,youknow.Muchtoooldforamerechildofnineteen."
"That'sdamnedright,"hetoldHardenforcibly."Amandoesn'trobcradles.MyGod,I'veknownher
sinceshewasachild."Hefrowned."Whichshestillis,ofcourse,"headdedquickly.
"Goahead,convinceyourself,"Hardennodded.
"Idon'thavetodoanyconvincing!"
"Haveagoodtime."
"I'mgoingtobediscussinglandprices,"hesaid,glaringatHarden.
"Iusedtoenjoythat,"Hardensaid,shrugging."Youmight,too."
"Thatwillbetheday.I..."
"Harden,wantachocolatecakeforsupper?"Theodoracalledfromthedoorway,smiling.Harden
drewMirandacloserandsmiledback."Loveone,ifit'snottoomuchtrouble."
"Notroubleatall,"shesaidgently.
"Mother!"hecalledwhensheturned,andEvan'seyespopped.
"What?"Theodoraaskedpleasantly.
"Buttericing?"
Shelaughed."That'sjustwhatIhadinmind!"
Evan'sjawwasevenwithhiscollar."MyGod!"heexclaimed.
Hardenlookedathim."Somethingwrong?"
"YoucalledherMother!"
"OfcourseIdid,Evan,she'smymother,"hereplied.
"You'venevercalledheranythingexceptTheodora,"Evanexplained."Andyousmiledather.You
evenmadesureshewouldn'tbeputtoanyextraworkmakingyouacake."HelookedatMiranda.
"Maybehe'ssick."
Mirandalookedupathimshylyandblushed."No,Idon'tthinkso."
"I'dhavetobeweakifIweresick,"heexplainedtoEvan,andMirandamadeanembarrassedsound
andhidherfaceagainsthisshoulder.
Evanshookhishead."Miracles,"hesaidabsently.Heshrugged,smiling,andturnedtowardthedoor,
reachingforhishatashewalkedthroughthehall."I'llbebackbysupper."
"Anna'sagreatcook,"Hardenremindedhim."Youmightgetinvitedforsupper."
"Iwon'taccept.Itoldyou,damnit,she'stooyoungforme!"Hewentout,slammingthedoorbehind
him.
HardenledMirandaoutthefrontdoorandontotheporch,tosharetheswingwithhim."Annawants
tolovehim,buthewon'tlether,"heexplained.
"Why?"
"I'lltellyouonedarknight,"hepromised."Butfornow,we'vegototherthingstothinkabout.Haven't
we?"headdedsoftly.
"Oh,yes."Shecaughtherbreathjustbeforehetookitaway,andshesmiledunderhishungrykiss.
TheharshmemoriesofthewreckthathadalmostdestroyedMiranda'slifefadeddaybywonderful
day,asMirandaandHardengrewcloser.Theodorawasdrawnintothecircleoftheirhappinessand
thenewrelationshipsheenjoyedwithHardenlastedevenwhenthenewlywedsmovedintotheirown
house.
ButMiranda'sjoywascompleteweekslater,whenshefaintedatafamilygatheringandawhitefaced
Hardencarriedherhotfoottothedoctor.
"Nothingtoworryabout,"Dr.Barnesassuredthemwithagrin,afteracursoryexaminationandafew
pointedquestions."Nothingatall.Asmallgrowththatwillcomeoutallbyitself—injustaboutseven
months."
Theydidn'tunderstandatfirst.Andwhentheydid,MirandacouldhaveswornthatHarden'seyeswere
wateryashehuggedherhalftodeathinthedoctor'soffice.ForMiranda,thecirclewascomplete.The
oldlifewasasadmemory,andnowtherewasafutureofbrightnessandwarmthtolookforwardto
inafamilycirclethatclosedaroundherlikegentlearms.Shehad,sheconsideredasshelookedupat
herhandsomehusband,thewholeworldrightherebesideher.