Holding On To the Past

With  his  one  true  love,  Julian,  at  his  side  and  a
new  son  to  look  after,  Sebastian‟s  grief-stricken
past  comes  out  of  hiding  to  find  him.  As  Julian
and Nikolai struggle to understand what vampire
life  should  be  and  strive  to  live  a  normal  life,
Sebastian  fights  with  his  demons  to  allow  the
freedoms they deserve. But with the queen‟s band
of chevaliers not quite under control and shadows
lurking in the night, Sebastian‟s fears escalate. Can
Sebastian  find  the courage  to  let  go  and  at  the
same  time  give  Julian  and  Nikolai  the  protection
they desperately need?

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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters,
places, and incidents either are products of the author‟s
imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance
to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is
entirely coincidental.

Holding on to the Past

ISBN: 978-1-55487-851-2

Cover art Christie Gordon

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Holding on to the Past

In Life and Blood

Christie Gordon

Prologue

ebastian slowed in the front courtyard of a
mansion overlooking the shoreline just outside

of  Carmel.  Made  of  bricks  and  massive,  it
resembled  an  old  European  castle.  Tall  cypress
trees  loomed  over  the  estate  and  the  scent  of  the
ocean  was  heavy  in  the  cool  air.  “This  is  my
father‟s  home  and  the  place  where  the  Templars
meet.” He set Julian down and proceeded to head
up the walk made of cut stone to a heavily carved
wood  door,  tapered  at  the  top  to  a  point.  He
opened it and walked inside.

Julian followed Sebastian with sweat slicking

his  palms.  I’m  meeting  Sebastian’s  father  and  the
master  of  the  Templars!  As  he  came  inside  the
mansion,  he  took  in  the  high  ceiling  of  an
overhead turret and at the mural of clouds painted
inside  it.  His  gaze  fell  to  a  large  entryway  with
double stairways that arced their way up to a top
floor on either side of a hallway. Black and white
marble  tiles  checkered  the  floor.  Romanian  icons
and  iron  wall  sconces  hung  on  the  walls.  “I  see
your  father  has  a  similar  taste  in  home  decor  as

Holding On To the Past

you.”

Sebastian‟s cheeks reddened and he looked

down at the black shoes on his feet. “We, um, both
have a love for our homeland. He‟s just a bit more
eccentric than I am.” As his gaze came up to meet
with Julian‟s, a mischievous smile quirked his lips.
He took Julian‟s hand in his. “Come on, I want
you to meet him.”

Julian followed Sebastian through the hallway

under the sets of stairs. The ceiling arced inside it
with beams of dark wood. At the other end was a
round  room  of  immense  size,  filled  with  ornate
leather couches that faced each other and had furs
thrown  over  the  backs  and  tables  with  lamps
gilded  in  gold  and  vases  filled  with  fat-blooming
flowers.

On one couch sat the longhaired vampire Julian

had glimpsed with Nikolai, reading a newspaper.
He was dressed in a dark silk shirt and slacks and
wore a velvet blazer. As they approached, he
looked up at them, set his paper next to him and
stood with his arms open.

“Sebastian.”
Sebastian ran to his father and gave him a kiss

on both cheeks followed by a firm embrace. “Tată,
I am so happy to see you.”

“And I, you.” Sebastian‟s father released him

and focused on Julian. His hair fell nearly to his
waist and his eyes had the same exotic shape as

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Sebastian‟s and his speech a similar accent, though
his height was similar to Julian‟s. All in all, he was
just as beautiful as his son. “Is this your One?” He
looked Julian up and down.

Turning to face Julian, Sebastian held out an

arm to him. “Yes. Tată, this is Julian.” His hand
waved, beckoning Julian. “Julian, come meet my
father and master.”

Julian gulped hard. He doesn’t look much older

than Sebastian. He went to Sebastian‟s side and
held out his hand to Sebastian‟s father. “I‟m
honored to meet you, Mr., um…” He gave a stern
look to Sebastian.

“Oh, Anarti, our surname is Anarti.”
Continuing to hold out his hand to Sebastian‟s

father, he said, “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Anarti.”

Mr. Anarti came forward, kissed both of

Julian‟s cheeks and gave him a swift hug. “The
pleasure is mine. I‟m so glad Sebastian was able to
free you from Nona.”

With his face flushing, Julian stepped back and

looked at an ornate rug covering the marble floor.

“Yes, me, too.” As Sebastian‟s father‟s words

made sense in his head, he looked up again.

“Nona?”
“Let us sit.” Mr. Anarti sat back down on the

couch in his original position.

Sebastian sat down next to Julian on the couch

opposite to his father‟s.

Holding On To the Past

With his interest piqued, Julian sat forward on

the couch with his elbows on his thighs. “Who is
Nona?”

“The one you called your queen.” Sebastian sat

with his arm across the back of the couch behind
Julian and his one leg resting across the other.

“Yes, that was her name. She never gave it to

you, did she?” Mr. Anarti‟s brows furrowed. “She
was always one to believe she was better than the
rest of us. Always one to be above our laws.”

“But she was older than you, older than most of

the vampires, right?” Disbelief clouded Julian‟s
mind. To think the one he called My Queen all his
life, the one who brainwashed him and so many
others into serving her, had a name like Nona was
inconceivable.

Mr. Anarti shifted. “Yes, she was much older

than I and Sebastian. Though there are many
others who are as old and even older. She was
born a vampire back in ancient Rome. I‟ve heard it
told that she was weak of mind and sadistic even
then and only became weaker and more sadistic as
the centuries went on.”

Julian looked down at his hands. A memory of

her coming to his bedside when he was a scared
child entered his mind. She‟d soothed his fears
that night. She’s dead. “B-but she wasn‟t always so
terrible.”

Sebastian moved closer to Julian and wrapped

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his  arm  around  Julian‟s  shoulders.  “She  was  a
monster,  Julian.  You  know  what  she  did  to  you.
What  she  did  to  all  of  you,  telling  you  lies  and
taking  you  from  your  families.  I  know  she
tortured you and the others. I know how she kept
all  of  you  from  living  a  real  life.  Even  in  your
human life, you weren‟t allowed freedom and true
happiness. It was all to serve her and her wicked
desires.”

A lump formed in Julian‟s throat and tears

flooded his eyes. He bit his lip against it. “Yes I
know. B-but she was, well, the only mother I guess
I had.” The realization of all he‟d lost hit him hard.

He gritted his teeth and fisted his hands. He

looked up at Sebastian, now sitting so close to
him. “I had a family, didn‟t I?”

Sebastian glanced at his father and pursed his

lips. “Yes, you did. And you still do.”

“They are still in Louisiana.” Mr. Anarti let out

an  exhale  of  air.  “But  because  of  how  you  were
taken  and  how  you  look  now,  like  an  eighteen
year  old  young  man,  I  cannot  allow  you  to  let
them know you are alive.”

He focused on Sebastian‟s father. “But if they

didn‟t know who I was, I could still somehow get
to know them, right?”

Sebastian looked to his father. “Can he?”
Mr. Anarti‟s brows furrowed and he looked

away for a moment. “When you were taken from

Holding On To the Past

that  hospital,  it  was  a  bold  act  by  Nona,  a  direct
slap in the face of the Templars. She took you for
the  sole  purpose  of  proving  that  she  was  above
our  laws.  And  because  the  family  she  stole  you
from  was  very  wealthy,  the  story  was  on  the
television  and  in  the  newspapers.  They  put  out
quite a search for you. I don‟t know if your human
family wouldn‟t see you for who you really are.”

“But I was only a newborn baby when I was

taken. How would she know?” Frustration balled
up in his gut.

Worry and concern hung on Sebastian‟s face.

He rubbed his palm over Julian‟s back. “Because
there is a piece of the story that no one knows, that
they never told the newspapers for fear of losing
that baby, too.”

“What?” Stunned he stared at Sebastian.
Mr. Anarti sat forward and looked Julian in the

eye. “Julian, we were not sure to tell you this, but
you have a twin brother.”

“A what?” Julian‟s voice was louder than

intended.

Sebastian squeezed Julian‟s shoulder. “A

twin—”

“I heard him.” Julian shimmied out of

Sebastian‟s  protective  hold  and  rose  from  the
couch. Rubbing a palm up over his forehead and
his  long  bangs,  he  stepped  away  from  them  and
headed  to  a  nearby  window,  tall  and  with  velvet

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curtains framing it. He looked out at the darkness
and  the  ocean  below  them,  twinkling  with  the
rush  of  waves  heading  into  the  beach.  His  mind
struggled  to  process  the  new  information.  A

twin… Somewhere in the Deep South, there is someone
just like me, but human.

Sebastian stood up and came to Julian‟s side. “I

know this must be very hard for you. It pains me
to see you like this. I want to somehow make it up
to you, to give you what you lost.”

He twisted to face Sebastian. “Who took me?”
An expression of astonishment swept over

Sebastian‟s face. “I, um…”

“Who?” He glared at his lover.
“It was the one they called Caesar.”
“Caesar? He took me? He knew all about this?”
Anger rose up inside him. “Did he survive the

raid on my queen‟s, fuck, I mean, Nona‟s
building?”

Sebastian turned to his father.
“It is too early to know. The Sabbatarians are

drawing up the reports now.” Mr. Anarti stood at
the side of the couch with his arms folded across
his chest.

Julian glared at Sebastian and held up a fist. “If

he survived, so help me God, I will hunt him
down and kill him myself.”

Sebastian gave a worried glance to his father

and placed his hand on Julian‟s shoulder.

Holding On To the Past

“Please.”

Julian shrugged off Sebastian‟s hand. “Don‟t

placate me. He deserves to die for what he did to
me. He‟s no better than Nona.”

“Listen to me, Julian.” Sebastian grabbed both

of Julian‟s shoulders and held him in a steel grip.
“It is forbidden to kill another of our kind unless it
is deemed necessary by the Templars.”

Frustration again churned inside him and his

gaze went to Sebastian‟s father. “Then how do I
get permission?”

With a heavy sigh, Mr. Anarti walked to Julian

and his son. “I‟m sorry, Julian. But there is no way
the Templars would agree to this. You see, in
reality, you have committed the same sins, have
you not?”

Shock tore through his system and he blinked

hard. Yes, didn’t I steal Nikolai? “B-but they were all
orphans. They had no one and we, we gave them a
family and—”

Giving Julian‟s shoulders a shake, Sebastian

said, “Some of them were already chosen for a
family.”

Trembling, Julian looked deep into his lover‟s

eyes. “Nikolai?”

Sebastian pursed his lips and nodded. “He was

never surrendered for adoption by his family. He
was only there until his family had the means with
which to support him. It is a common thing in

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Russia.”

“Oh, God.” He fell into Sebastian‟s arms and let

Sebastian blanket him with soothing kisses and a
strong embrace.

“I‟m sorry, Julian.” Sebastian‟s father placed a

hand on Julian‟s back.

Shutting his eyes tight, the sting of tears came

on. Guilt and shame ripped him up inside. “You
and your father have so much.”

“I know.” Sebastian tightened his hold.
“How could I have been so stupid?” He gulped

hard, keeping the tears at bay.

Patting Julian‟s back, Mr. Anarti said, “She was

an evil and sinister woman. You had no choice nor
did  you  have  any  reason  to  think  she  was
betraying  you.  It  is  not  your  fault,  you  only  did
what  you  thought  was  right.  You  thought  you
were  providing  these  orphans  with  a  family,  did
you not?”

Julian‟s voice was small. “Yes.”
“And in some way, you did,” Mr. Anarti said.
Sniffling, Julian released his hold on Sebastian

and straightened.

Sebastian let his arms fall to his sides, all the

while watching Julian closely.

A form of defeat permeated through his body.

His gaze met Mr. Anarti‟s. “So where is Nikolai
now? Isn‟t he here?”

“Yes, he is.” Sebastian‟s father took Julian‟s

Holding On To the Past

hand in his. “If you like, you can see him. He‟s
been asking about you.”

“He has?” Excitement and hope threaded

through Julian‟s body. If he was allowed, he
would make it all up to Nikolai somehow. “Yes, of
course I want to see him. Right away.”

“As you wish.” Mr. Anarti turned and left the

room through a side hallway.

“My angel, I‟m so sorry for all of this. I didn‟t

think all these things would come out so soon.”
Sebastian trailed his hand down Julian‟s arm.

Julian took a deep inhale and looked into

Sebastian‟s dark, exotic eyes. “It‟s okay. It‟s better
that  I  found  out  now  and  all  at  once.”  He  took
Sebastian‟s hands in his. “I want you to know how
glad I am you came to me that night when I was
on  watch.  And  I  want  you  know  how  much  I
appreciate  your  father  being  straight  with  me.  It
seems no one‟s ever been that way and it sure is a
nice change.” He forced a smile.

Leaning in, Sebastian placed a tender kiss on

Julian‟s lips. “I want to give you what you never
had. I want to make my family yours. For we are
One in life and blood now, are we not?”

Julian‟s chest ached with Sebastian‟s words and

he gave Sebastian‟s hands a squeeze. “Yes, we
are.” He glanced at the hallway Sebastian‟s father
took when he left the room. “And what of
Nikolai? I want to give him back what he‟s lost. I

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want him to be able to somehow live a normal
life.”

“Although he can never fully return into the

human world, I believe my father and the other
Templars would agree to let us raise him as our
own.”

Julian‟s heart leapt with the thought. “Raise

him as our own? So we could have a son?”

Sebastian shrugged. “What better way to give

him what he‟s lost? And my father says he loves
you so, my angel.”

A smile spread over Julian‟s lips. “And I‟ve

always loved him.” He thought a moment. “And
whether or not he becomes a vampire will be his
own choosing and whatever he chooses, we will
honor.”

Sebastian nodded and grinned at Julian. “Yes.”
Nikolai bound into the room, wearing jean

shorts and a long-sleeve t-shirt. “Uncle Julian!”
His arms stretched out as he closed in on Julian.

Crouching down, Julian gave Nikolai a fierce

hug. “Oh, Nikolai, I‟m so glad you‟re safe.” He
kissed him on the side of the head.

Nikolai let loose from Julian, placed both palms

on his cheeks and looked at him with the
exuberance of a child. “Can we go home now?”

Sebastian‟s father walked into the room. “No,

my child. Like I‟ve told you, the home you knew is
no more.”

Holding On To the Past

Nikolai glanced at Mr. Anarti and focused back

on Julian. “Is it true? Our queen is gone?”

Julian nodded. “Yes, it‟s true.”
Nikolai‟s smile faded and he dropped his hands

from Julian‟s face. “Where is she? What
happened?”

“Well…” Distress rolled through Julian and he

looked up to Sebastian.

Leaning over, Sebastian placed his hand on

Nikolai‟s shoulder. “Let‟s just say she is gone to a
better place where she can be happy and free. And
your old home had some…problems and so you‟ll
be going to a new home.”

Nikolai looked up at Sebastian. “Who are you?

You look like that other vampire.”

Sebastian let out a soft chuckle and ruffled the

top of Nikolai‟s blond hair. “Well that man over
there is my father and my name is Sebastian.”

“How do you know my Uncle Julian?” Nikolai

asked.

“Let‟s just say we‟re very close friends.” Julian

winked at Nikolai.

Sebastian left them to talk with his father in a

hushed voice.

Julian focused on them.
“Uncle Julian?”
“Please, hush for a moment, Nikolai.” He took

Nikolai‟s hand. Oh please, let it be that Nikolai

remain with me and Sebastian.

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Sebastian‟s father gave a nod and he and his

father walked back to Julian and Nikolai.

Mr. Anarti looked down on Nikolai with his

hand on his chin. “Nikolai, would you like to stay
with your Uncle Julian and Sebastian here?”

Nikolai looked into Julian‟s eyes. “Very much. I

love Uncle Julian.”

Unexpected tears sprung up in Julian‟s eyes. “I

love you, too, Nikolai.”

A fearful expression crossed Nikolai‟s face.

“Then why are you sad?”

Julian let out a quick chuckle. “I‟m not sad. I‟m

happy. Probably the happiest I‟ve ever been in my
entire life.” He looked up at his lover, smiling
down at him. “Can we all go home now?”

“Yes, my angel.”
In a rush, Nikolai sped to the tall windows,

severing his hold on Julian‟s hand. “Who‟s there?”

His gaze darted all around the darkness outside

and settled on something.

Julian and Sebastian raced to his side.
Julian crouched down beside Nikolai, laying a

hand on his back. “What is it?” He attempted to
peer out into the darkness at whatever held
Nikolai‟s attention.

Keeping his gaze affixed to a rock formation,

Nikolai pointed out the window. “Look, another
one of my uncles.” A wide smile spread over his
lips.

Holding On To the Past

Knitting his brows, Sebastian stared out at the

rocks a moment. “No, little one, it is only a
reflection.” He turned to Nikolai and Julian.

With fear fluttering his heart, Julian looked up

at Sebastian and gulped hard.

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Chapter

Past Regrets

ebastian sat at his dining room table, admiring
his beautiful young lover seated across from

him—the  long,  chestnut-colored  hair  and  the
wistful, blue-grey eyes he so cherished. How long
he‟d  wished  to  have  a  family  to  share  this  table
with.  And  now  his  wish  had  come  true.  As  he
fingered a  blood-filled wine glass sitting atop the
walnut  table,  his  gaze  roamed  around  the  room,
taking in the taupe walls, hardwood floor and his
beloved  Russian  icons  in  red  and  gold,  hanging
from the wall to his left, deacons of a bygone era.
A  black  iron  and  tortoise  shell  chandelier  hung
from  the  ceiling,  its  lobes  full  with  amber  light.
Behind  him  a  window  opened  up  to  majestic
redwoods and the chill night air of the Santa Cruz
mountain range.

“I don‟t know why you‟re so against it.” Julian,

wearing a dark shirt and jeans typical of a modern

Holding On To the Past

teenager, frowned and took a sip of Sebastian‟s
blood from his wine glass.

“Because, my angel, it‟s too dangerous and I

think home schooling is best.” Running a hand
through the wavy black hair surrounding his
almost black eyes, he smirked.

“But we both agreed that he should have as

normal a life as possible. And normal children
attend public school.” Julian sat forward and
looked directly at Sebastian as if to drive his point
home.

“And what if he says something he shouldn‟t?

What then?” He took a sip of his lover‟s crimson
blood and let it shiver through him.

Sighing, Julian sat back into his chair. “If there

was  one  thing  my  queen—I  mean,  Nona,  taught
all  of  us,  it  was  to  never  ever  let  on  to  another
human  that  vampires  exist.  So  to  me,  it‟s  a  non-
issue.”

Sebastian‟s brows furrowed. His lover had

some very black and white notions about what he
wanted  for  Nikolai.  But  how  do  I  keep  them  both
safe?  Dread  threatened  to  rise  up  inside  him.  His
mother‟s  dead  body  flashed  inside  his  memory.
Shutting  it  out,  he  met  Julian‟s  gaze.  “No,
absolutely not,” he said, shaking his head once.

Julian‟s lips pursed. “Damn it, Sebastian, that‟s

not fair.” He looked around the room and came
back to glare at Sebastian. “He needs to be with

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other human kids his own age. He needs to play
sports and have homework and get in trouble, just
like other kids.”

“But what other options do we have?” He held

up his hands in frustration.

Julian looked at the table and back up at

Sebastian with determination on his face. “He
needs to go to school, Sebastian.”

Nikolai peeked his blond head around a corner,

looking in on them from the hallway leading into
the bedrooms. “Please, Uncle Sebastian?”

With a heavy sigh, Sebastian dropped his hands

into his lap, resting on black slacks. “How long
have you been listening, little one?”

Nikolai stepped out from behind the wall with

a long-sleeve t-shirt and blue cargo pants on. “I
don‟t know.”

“It would mean a lot to him.” Julian gave

Sebastian a knowing half smile.

Sebastian thought a moment and looked at

Nikolai‟s  hopeful  face.  Letting  out  a  long  exhale,
he  held  his  hands  up.  “All  right,  all  right.”  His
gaze  shifted  to  Julian.  “You  win.  He  can  go  to
school.”  He  pointed  at  Julian.  “But  it  will  be  a
private school. Nothing but the best for him.” Fear
prickled across his skin. He willed it away. It will
be all right this time.

“Really?” A wide smile spread over Julian‟s

face.

Holding On To the Past

Beaming, Nikolai rushed in and grabbed

Sebastian‟s arm. “Thank you, Uncle Sebastian,
thank you.”

He let out a soft chuckle. “You are welcome,

little one.” He glanced at Julian. “Now we will
have to start looking into schools, I suppose.”

Sebastian entered the meeting room of his

father‟s  home,  a  rectangular  dining  hall  with  a
long  table  centered  in  it.  Striped  silk  draperies
hung from the far end around a high window with
an  arced  top  and  chest-high  candelabras  sat  in
each corner, their wax dripping down over ornate
ironwork.  An  immense  chandelier  hung  down
from a plaster pediment in the ceiling, giving the
room even more of a medieval flare.

Sebastian, wearing a dark shirt and slacks, took

in as many as sixteen guests, all seated around the
table. There were humans, both young and old
and vampires, all beautiful and porcelain. His
father sat at the far end of the table in a dark grey
suit, his black hair pulled back in a long ponytail.

Sebastian passed by a vampire with shoulder-

length hair the color of sand, tapped him on the
shoulder and smiled down upon him. “Emanuel.”

Twisting in his seat, Emanuel grinned up at

Sebastian and nodded.

He moved on to sit beside his father. His gaze

took in a human woman with red curly hair

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dressed in slacks and a white blouse. Her green
eyes met with Sebastian‟s and a friendly grin
spread over her lips.

“Let the meeting of the Templars and

Sabbatarians begin. The first order of business, the
recovery of Nona‟s coven.” Sebastian‟s father, Mr.
Anarti, looked to Emanuel. “What have you to
report?”

Emanuel cleared his throat. “We have found

Caesar,  master.  However,  he  is  proving  quite
difficult  to  nail  down.”  He  glanced  at  Sebastian.
“It  seems  he  has  formed  a  new  coven,  one  with
even stricter punishments, but the whereabouts is
unknown.  We  believe  he  and  the  rest  of  his
remaining  brethren  are  moving  from  place  to
place  in  San  Francisco,  feeding  on  the  homeless.
And we fear they are readying themselves for an
all-out war.”

“And you have taken care of the remains?” Mr.

Anarti asked.

The red-haired woman spoke up. “Yes, our

people at the morgue have properly disposed of
the victims without consequence.”

“And why is it this monster is so difficult to

find?” Sebastian sat forward in his seat, frustration
building in his gut.

An elder man at the far end of the table

dropped his hands onto its surface. “Because he is
a desperate and cunning creature.”

Holding On To the Past

“Cunning? Are you joking? How cunning could

he be? Is he not younger than many of us seated
here at this table?” His glare focused on Emanuel.
His sudden emotions threatened to overwhelm
him.

Emanuel looked down into his lap and back up

at Sebastian. “It‟s not that easy, Sebastian. As soon
as we find one—”

“I don‟t care. Find him and find him now. Or I

will find him myself.” His fist slammed on the
table. Anger raged inside him, blocking raw fear, a
fear he had no intention of facing.

“Sebastian!” Mr. Anarti glared at his son. “That

is enough.” He stood at the table and looked down
upon Sebastian. “You will come with me.”

Huffing, Sebastian rose from the table and

followed  his  father  out  of  the  room,  down  an
arched  hallway  and  into  a  study.  Rows  of  old
books lined the dark wood shelves and a Louis the
14th desk centered the room with a quill pen and a
green  lamp  sitting  atop  it.  Two  couches  with
puckered leather and gilded, ornate woodcarving
sat  facing  each  other  in  front  of  the  desk  on  an
oriental  rug.  An  antique  coffee  table  rested
between them.

Mr. Anarti sat on the couch to the left. “Take a

seat.”

Frowning, Sebastian sat opposite his father. He

rested his entwined hands in his lap and focused

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on them.

“This is not the same, fiu.”
Sebastian‟s gaze flicked up to meet with his

father‟s. “What do you mean?” His mouth hung
open and his head twisted a bit in unease. Do not
bring it up.

His father sat forward and rested his elbows on

his knees. “You were not responsible then and you
cannot take this all on yourself now.”

Anger fell away to pure loss and painful regrets

as if his inner wall was built from straw. How did
his father always do this to him? Pursing his lips,
his gaze fell to the floor. Tears welled up in his
eyes. “I won‟t let that happen again.” The ache of
painful memories rose up inside him. He shut his
eyes tight against it. His father‟s home
disappeared.

His sister ran in front of him in the dark. Her

long black hair flowed out behind her, over a
tattered peasant dress.

“Nu, Catalena!” He ran after her. Panic raged

inside him.

For a split second, she turned and slowed.
A dark figure stepped from the shadows. The

unsheathing of a sword rang out through the chill
air.

She fell.
Reaching a hand out, he screamed, “Nu!”
“Sebastian?” Concern threaded through his

Holding On To the Past

father‟s voice.

His eyes opened. His heart hammered in his

chest. How could it still haunt him so after all
these years? He looked at his father.

“It is not your fault your mother, sisters and

brother died. You were a young vampire then and
there  was  nothing  you  could  have  done  to  save
them.”  His  father  rose  up,  came  beside  him  and
sat  down,  laying  a  hand  on  Sebastian‟s  forearm.
“It  is  done  and  they  are  not  Julian  and  Nikolai.
These are very different times.”

Pain pricked his heart. “But they are still alive

and I have the ability to keep it that way. I can
find him. I know I can.” A lump formed in his
throat and tears threatened to surface again.

“No, you may not.”
He glared at his father. “Why not?”
“Because you will make a mistake. Your need

to protect those closest to you makes you weak,
fiu.” Mr. Anarti squeezed his son‟s arm. “You will
misjudge him.”

“No, I will not. I am stronger than he and I

will—”

“Leave it to Emanuel and his men. They are

also very strong, powerful immortals. You have a
more important matter to attend. Your new family
needs you at home.” Mr. Anarti looked his son
over. “You have faith in Emanuel‟s abilities, do
you not?”

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He looked into his father‟s dark eyes, a hint of

the exotic, so much like his own. “Yes, of course.
He is a trusted friend.” He forced his nerves to
calm. What is wrong with me?

“Then leave us to our work and go to your

family.” His father sat back and patted Sebastian‟s
arm before letting it go.

With a heavy sigh, he tilted his head back and

straightened.  Dread  gnawed  at  his  heart,  but  he
kept it at bay. Nikolai… “About that.” He twisted
on  the  couch  to  face  his  father.  “It  seems  I  need
someone  to  help  us  find  a  private  school  for
Nikolai.”

“You do, do you?” A soft chuckle escaped his

father. “So you‟ve agreed to let him out of the
house?”

“You don‟t think it‟s too dangerous, do you?”

Fear lifted its ugly head once again. He shut it
away.

“Of course not, fiu. Children attend school

during the day. A time when we are of little or no
consequence to humans.” He gave Sebastian a
placating smile. “Calm yourself. Let us worry
about such things for now. I will assign Maggie to
the task.”

“Thank you, Tată.”

Sebastian walked through the door to the

master bedroom of his home in the wee morning

Holding On To the Past

hours. In the shuttered dark, he could barely make
out the large sleigh bed centering the room, the
masculine lines of the nightstands and dresser and
the body-shaped lump in the bedding. He
whispered, “My angel.”

After he came to stand beside the bed, he

removed his clothing and climbed in behind Julian
under  the  covers.  As  he  shimmied  up  to  Julian‟s
back, his body filled with desire. His arm wrapped
around his lover‟s body and drew it close. Placing
gentle  kisses  along  the  back  of  Julian‟s  neck,  his
cock  hardened.  He  rocked  his  hips  forward  to
press his erection to Julian‟s buttocks.

“Mmm…” Julian‟s body reacted to Sebastian‟s

touch, moving in time with the kisses and tender
caresses down his arm and side.

Sebastian rocked his hips into Julian‟s buttocks

again, letting his cock slide over the soft flesh.
Little pulses of pleasure swept over his body. His
fingers trailed along the muscled lines of Julian‟s
body and forward, down into velvet curls to find a
hard cock. “I see you have need of me as well, my
angel.”

Julian thrust his hips as Sebastian‟s fingers

wound around his erection. A soft moan escaped
his lips. “Sebastian…” His breath quickened

Baring his fangs, Sebastian scratched them over

Julian‟s neck, pumping Julian‟s cock in his fingers.
Pre-seed formed at the tip of his erection. The

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head slid easily over Julian‟s skin, sending
heightened pleasure humming through him. His
hips rocked harder, seeking more friction.

Julian‟s head tilted back, seeking out Sebastian.

His body writhed and twisted, conforming to
Sebastian‟s body. “Oh, God, Sebastian, I need
you.”

“Do you hunger for me?” He nipped at Julian‟s

neck, drawing only pinpricks of blood. His tongue
lapped at them. Julian‟s blood pulsed down his
spine.

Julian let out a long groan. “Yes.” His hips

rocked quicker, urging Sebastian‟s hand faster.

As Sebastian‟s cock ached for more, the hunger

grew unbearable. He bit into the soft flesh of
Julian‟s neck.

Julian cried out and thrust again and again into

Sebastian‟s fingers. “Please, let me feed.”

“Give me a moment, my angel.” He left Julian,

lubed  his  fingers  from  a  bottle  in  the  nightstand
and came back to his lover, sliding his lower arm
beneath  Julian‟s  neck  and  exposing  his  wrist  to
Julian‟s  mouth.  He  slicked  up  his  cock,  placed  it
between  Julian‟s  thighs  and  thrust,  sliding  along
Julian‟s passage and sac.

Again, Julian cried out. He bit into Sebastian‟s

wrist and gripped it to his mouth, sucking hard.
One moan after another ripped free from his lips
and into Sebastian‟s arm.

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As he rocked his seeping cock in and out of

Julian‟s thighs, his breath grew ragged with need.
His  peak  taunted  him.  He  reached  his  hand
around  to  grasp  Julian‟s  erection  once  more  and
pumped  fast  and  hard.  “Cross  your  legs,  my
angel.” His voice was husky with passion.

Julian crossed his legs.
As tight friction slid over his swollen cock, he

bit into the back of Julian‟s neck. A flood of sweet
silk erupted into his mouth. His heartbeat shifted
to match his lover‟s. A delicious rapture melded to
pleasure pulsing up from his groin. His thrusts
became erratic.

Julian‟s body trembled. He bucked hard into

Sebastian‟s  hand.  Crying  out,  his  cock  twitched
and  seed  spurted  up  over  Sebastian‟s  hand,  into
sheets, onto Julian‟s abdomen and chest.

Julian‟s climax pushed Sebastian over the edge.

With  a  loud  moan,  he  surrendered  to  an  intense
peak followed by sweet pulses of contractions. His
seed  shot  out  between  Julian‟s  thighs  and  sac,
making  his  movement  slicker  still.  His  mouth
released Julian‟s neck. “Ah…”

As their bodies stilled, Julian lay back against

Sebastian. “Now that‟s worth waking up for.”

With a lazy smile, Sebastian kissed Julian‟s

shoulder and released Julian‟s spent cock. “Yes,
my angel. But I‟m afraid we‟ve made quite a
mess.” Throwing off the covers, he climbed out of

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bed, got a warm washcloth and came back to his
lover and knelt on the bed.

Julian lay on his back, looking up at Sebastian

with pure contentment on his face. “I love you.”

Seems he‟d never tire of hearing those words.

He smiled as he wiped Julian‟s body. “And I love
you.” He took care to wash every crease and fold
of his lover‟s skin and handed the cloth to Julian.
“Get what you can on the sheets.”

Sitting up, Julian cleaned a few splotches on the

covers. “So how was your meeting?”

“Fine.” He did his best to sound nonchalant.
“Have they found Caesar or the others?” Julian

handed the washcloth to Sebastian.

“No, they have not.”
Julian‟s brows furrowed. “Nothing? Nothing at

all?”

Sebastian looked down onto Julian. His

shoulders shrugged. “No, nothing.” Was it too
much of a lie? He looked over Julian‟s face,
assessing him. “Well, not much anyway. Just a few
small clues.”

“So he‟s alive?”
“It seems so, yes.”
“And what of the others?” Julian sat forward

with his arms in front of him. “What about
Ramon?”

“I don‟t know. There wasn‟t much to go on, like

I‟ve said.” He let out a rush of held air.

Holding On To the Past

A look of frustration swept over Julian‟s face. “I

should be out there with them, looking. I know
Caesar. I know my brethren. I could—”

“No.” His voice was harsher than intended.

“Absolutely not.” Panic pricked his heart. Julian
cannot be a part of the search. It’s too dangerous.

“Why not? It makes perfect sense to me.” Anger

and determination flashed in Julian‟s eyes.
“Maybe I‟ll go off by myself and find them.”

Taking a deep inhale, Sebastian willed his

panicked heart  to slow, masking his true feelings
from  his  lover.  “Julian,  my  angel.”  He  placed  his
hand  on  Julian‟s  shoulder.  “You  are  simply  not
needed.  My  father  bade  me  to  go  home  and  be
here for you and Nikolai and you are also needed
by Nikolai right here at home. Are we not in need
of finding him a good school and readying him for
it?”

Julian looked down at his hands, toying with

the sheet. “Yes, I suppose.”

“You suppose?” He dropped his head down to

peek up into Julian‟s face. “We are a family now.
We have other concerns besides Caesar. He will be
found  and  I  will  let  you  know  when  that
happens.” He sounded like his father. He climbed
out of bed, walked to the open walk-in closet and
threw  the  washcloth  into  the  laundry  bin.  Deceit
prickled  over  his  skin,  but  he  shut  it  out  of  his
mind. As he came back to the bed, he said, “Sleep

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now.”

Julian lay back down in bed. As Sebastian

climbed in behind him, he pulled Sebastian‟s arm
around his side and held it tight. “If Caesar isn‟t
found by the time I get Nikolai situated in school,
I‟m going to help. I don‟t care what you say.”

Sebastian bit his lip, keeping his fears at bay.

“That is up to the Templars.”

“Then you‟ll tell them that I can help?”
“It is under control. There are plans made. You

aren‟t needed. It‟ll all be over by the time Nikolai
is in school.” He held tight to Julian. What a mess
he‟d be if Julian were out there helping in the
search. He tore the thought from his mind.

“If they find my brethren, you will tell me and

you will make it so I can go to them.”

“Of course.” He kissed the back of Julian‟s neck.

“Now sleep.” He must do whatever it took to keep
Julian home. It was the only way.

Holding On To the Past

Chapter

Broken Memories

ebastian sat on a black leather couch in the
main room of his home, the furnishings all of a

warm  contemporary  style.  He  perused  the
headlines  of  the  local  newspaper,  bathed  in  light
by  metal  torchiere  lamps.  Two  gold  and  red
Romanian icons rested on the wall above his head.

In jeans and a white t-shirt with a surf shop

logo on the back, Julian sat in front of a flat screen
TV resting in a dark wood cabinet across the room
from Sebastian. “I got you.” He smiled and held
up a hand in triumph. His other hand held a white
Wii controller.

“Aw…” Nikolai, sitting beside Julian and

wearing a green polo shirt and black jeans,
frowned and punched buttons on his own Wii
controller, starting up a new round of their video
game.

Knocking sounded at the door.

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“I‟ll get it.” Sebastian rose from the couch and

answered the door. As the door swung open, his
gaze took in the human woman with the red curls
who‟d been seated across from him at his father‟s
meeting table. “Good evening, Maggie.”

“Hi, Sebastian.” She wore a red blouse and dark

slacks. Her hands held colored brochures and
papers.

“Come in, please.” He stepped to the side to

allow her to pass. “I‟ll see if I can free Julian and
Nikolai from their video game.” He let out a soft
chuckle and straightened his black dress shirt and
wavy hair.

“Video games already?” She stepped inside and

looked around the room. “Don‟t you know they‟re
destroying the youth of today?” A wide grin
spread over her face and her gaze drew to Nikolai.

Julian stood and walked over to Maggie. He

extended his hand. “You must be Maggie. I‟m
Julian.”

She shook his hand and gave him a warm

smile. “Yep, pleased to meet you, Julian.”

Nikolai walked up to them with a bounce in his

step. “Are you the school lady?”

She bent down to look into Nikolai‟s blue eyes.

“I sure am. My name is Maggie.”

“Hi, Maggie.” Nikolai gave her the once over.

“You‟re old and you‟re not a vampire. What
happened? Didn‟t your queen like you?”

Holding On To the Past

Straightening, she said, “Well, uh, I don‟t have

a queen.”

Julian took Nikolai by the shoulders. “Not

everyone has a queen, Nikolai. And not everyone
chooses to be a vampire or is even given that
choice when they turn eighteen.”

“What? Why?” Nikolai‟s brows rose.
Sebastian cleared his throat. “We‟ll discuss this

later, little one.” He smiled at Maggie. “Seems he
has much to learn.”

She let out a short laugh. “I agree. Being in

school will do him a world of good.” She looked at
Nikolai and with a mocking tone, said, “By the
way, I‟m only thirty-five and that‟s not all that
old.”

“Sure sounds like it to me.” Nikolai kept his

gaze on Maggie.

“Hush, Nikolai.” Smirking, Julian gave Nikolai

a playful slap on the shoulder. “Go and play your
game so us old people can talk about schools for
you.”

“Okay.” With a quick shrug, Nikolai bound off

to the television.

Sebastian held out his hand toward the dining

room. “Shall we sit at the table in the other room?”

“Sure.” She followed Sebastian and Julian into

the dining room and took a seat at the head of the
table.

Julian and Sebastian sat on either side of her.

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She handed a packet of brochures and papers to

each of them. “Here are the schools I‟ve
researched.”

Julian and Sebastian looked over the papers.
“After removing the religious schools from

consideration, you can see each school has its own
particular  specialty.  Some  are  more  academic
while  others  put  more  focus  on  athletics  or  the
arts.  They  are  all  reasonably  close  by  and  are
willing  to  take  on  a  new  student  so  late  in  the
school year, as long as he passes the exams for the
sixth grade. After all, it is February and the school
year ends in May.”

Julian looked up from the reading materials.

“What do you think, Sebastian? I‟d like him to
play football or baseball, so maybe a school
focused on athletics would be good for him.”

Sebastian frowned at all the paperwork in his

hands. “I don‟t know. I must admit, I have never
really understood American sports. What if he just
learned martial arts? At least that would come to
some use if he is ever attacked.” His gaze flicked
up to Julian‟s.

Julian chuckled and shook his head. “Always

afraid of something happening to him, aren‟t
you?”

“Well, this school here.” She pointed at a

brochure in front of Sebastian. “Has an after-
school martial arts program. They also have very

Holding On To the Past

good football and baseball teams.”

“I guess we‟ll both get what we want for him.”

Julian  picked  up  a  full-color  brochure  and
fingered  through  the  pages.  “The  Peninsula
Academy.  Hey,  it  looks  like  it‟s  not  very  far
away.”

“Yes, just down in Portola Valley, maybe a 30

minute drive.” She set her papers down and gazed
at Sebastian. “It looks like I‟ll be your day nanny
as well if you want me.”

Sebastian looked at her and grinned. He

thought a moment. She was a skilled vampire
slayer. “Yes, perfect.”

“Yeah?” Julian‟s eyes widened. “What are your

qualifications?”

His gaze drew to Julian‟s. “She has slain many a

vampire  and  his  highly  respected  by  both  the
Templars and the  Sabbatarians. This  way Nikolai
will be looked after by someone who‟s both privy
to  the  latest  information  on  your  old  coven  and
very  capable  of  handling  an  attack  in  whatever
form it may take.”

She placed a hand on Julian‟s arm. “I also

worked as a nanny while I attended college.” A
wide smile spread over her lips and she took her
hand away.

Julian sat back in his chair. “Huh, okay.” His

eyes focused on Sebastian. “My only question is,
why would you think Nikolai would be attacked

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in the daylight?”

Frowning, Sebastian shifted in his seat. “Well, I

don‟t. I just think that anything can happen to
anyone, anywhere.”

Maggie‟s gaze flicked from Sebastian to Julian.

“Julian, the remnants of your coven are—”

“He knows the latest on his coven, Maggie. I‟ve

already given him this information.” Momentary
panic lit up inside him. If Julian knew the truth,
would he listen to reason?

She sat back. “I see.” Fingering a brochure, she

said, “So have we settled on the school, this
Peninsula Academy?”

“Yes, I believe so.” Sebastian nodded.
“Sounds fine to me.” Julian dropped his

paperwork to the table.

“Great. I‟ll go to the school tomorrow and get

the entrance exams and necessary forms for you to
fill out.” She smiled at them both.

Sebastian smirked at Julian. “Seems you have a

lot of work ahead of you, Julian.” Work that will

keep you from thinking about your old coven.

Julian shrugged and waved his hand at

Sebastian. “Ah, not really. You‟d be surprised how
well Nona educated us.” A sad expression swept
over his face and he looked down into his lap.

Furrowing his brows, Sebastian sat forward. “I

know you still feel for the loss of all those you
knew. It‟s okay to feel for that way of life.”

Holding On To the Past

“He‟s right, Julian.” She laid a hand on Julian‟s

arm once more.

“I know. And I know how wrong it all was.”

His gaze rose to Sebastian‟s and Maggie‟s.
Determination filled his eyes. “And I‟m really glad
Nikolai will live the life I couldn‟t.”

Maggie drew her hand away. “He‟ll be just

fine.”

A day later, Sebastian sat at the meeting table at

his  father‟s  home  once  again  with  Templars  and
Sabbatarians  seated  all  around  him.  He  wore  a
dark sweater and slacks and gazed at his father, so
stately  and  calm.  This  time  he‟d  control  himself.
This  time  he‟d  get  more  information.  The
candelabras  burned  flickering  candles  that
twinkled in the dark window behind his father.

“Master Anarti, it seems there is reason to

believe  our  previous  assumptions  are  correct.
Caesar was in fact the vampire named Agni and a
Norseman,”  an  elder  Templar  across  the  table
said. “We believe he changed his name to Caesar,
a  Roman  name,  at  the  request  of  Nona.  We  also
now  believe  that  Agni,  or  Caesar,  was  Nona‟s
One.”

“What?” Disbelief spread through Sebastian‟s

body. “How could that be?”

Emanuel sat forward at the table. “It seems his

blood has changed, Sebastian. He must have lain

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with her, maybe just before our raid of the coven.”

A middle-aged, human man at the end of the

table held up a paper with graphical data on it.
“The results from our spectrometer studies clearly
show the chemical change in his vampire blood.
He has been with his One and it was recent.”

“But how did you get his blood?” Sebastian‟s

gaze scanned everyone seated at the table.

Mr. Anarti placed his hand on Sebastian‟s arm.

“It is from David‟s sword. During the raid, he was
the one who gave chase to Caesar and wounded
him.”

“Not enough, apparently. And why was this

test  not  done  sooner?”  He  glared  at  his  father.
Anger  rose  up  in  his  chest  despite  attempts  to
quell  it.  “It  seems  a  pretty  important  fact  to
overlook.”

“Sebastian, mind your tongue.” His father gave

him a stern look.

Emanuel frowned and looked at his hands,

entwined on the table. “The sword was lost and
only found yesterday.”

Maggie sat forward and focused on Sebastian.

“Sebastian, you know what this means.”

His gaze shifted to her green eyes. Dread filled

every fiber of his being. In a soft voice, he said,
“Yes.”

“You have killed his One. You are the one he

will seek out as well as Julian and Nikolai.” She

Holding On To the Past

sat back in her seat.

He gulped hard. He must protect Julian and

Nikolai at all costs. Giving his father a determined
look, he said, “I must find him first, master. You
must let me search with Emanuel. I am older and
stronger than he and—”

“And you have too much at stake. Absolutely

not.” Mr. Anarti twisted to face his son. “I will not
allow you to put yourself in any more danger than
you are already in. You will remain with your new
family and in case Caesar finds your home, you
will make them aware of the situation so they may
protect themselves.”

Emanuel rose from his seat. “Sebastian, we will

find him. You have my word.”

His gaze flicked from Emanuel back to his

father. “I cannot give Julian this news. He is
already begging me to help in the search. If he
finds out Nikolai may be in danger, I don‟t know
that I will be able to confine him.”

“I think you are making a mistake, Sebastian,

but I will let you handle the situation as you see
fit.” His father‟s lips pursed.

He looked at Maggie. “Not a word of this to

Julian.”

She let out a sharp exhale. “Although I agree

with your father, I‟ll keep this news to myself and
be extra careful with Nikolai.”

“Thank you.” He bowed his head to Maggie.

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His gaze fell to his hands, wringing in his lap. He
whispered, “They will be safe. I will keep them
safe.”

Sebastian slowed at the lawn covering the front

yard  of  his  home.  Great  bows  of  redwood  trees
swayed in a gentle breeze over the roofline. Fluffy
clouds floated by a crescent moon as if mocking it
like children on a playground. The craftsman-style
house  was  all  alight  in  a  warm  glow  emanating
from every window. In his hand, he held a duffle
bag  containing  Julian‟s  guitar  and  sword,  finally
recovered from the chambers of Julian‟s old coven.

As he approached the front door from the

porch, he hesitated. Quiet. He felt in the front
pocket of his slacks and pulled out the key. As he
slid it into the lock, the door creaked open.

Unlocked and open?

Panic lit up inside him. His heart hammered.

Where  were  they?  Why  was  the  door  unlatched?
The  duffle  bag  dropped  with  a  twang.  He
slammed the door open fully. A resounding thud
resonated  through  the  house.  Storming  through
room  after  empty  room,  he  called  out,  “Julian!
Nikolai!  Where  are  you?”  Sweat  formed  on  his
palms.  Nausea  balled  up  in  his  gut.  “Damn  it,
answer me!”

He found himself in the kitchen of granite

counters and stainless appliances. Circling the

Holding On To the Past

square space, he muttered, “No, no, no, no…” His
hands fisted in tufts of his black hair. An immense
terror enveloped him. All at once, he stopped. The
kitchen disappeared.

In his tunic and laced leather shoes, he entered

the open door of a hut made of wood planks. The
scent of sweet blood and rotting flesh filled the air.
Hunger and dread rose equally inside him.

Outside women screamed and men shouted.

Flames from burning buildings lit up the night. In
the flicker, his gaze took in broken pottery and
scattered wooden tables and chairs. He stepped
toward a lump on the floor.

Inside tattered and blood stained robes, his

mother lay haphazard on her side.

“Mamă!” He rushed to kneel down beside her.

Placing a hand on her side, he pushed her to her
back.

Vacant eyes stared up at him. A gash bled

freely from a vicious wound in her head. Blood
pooled deep crimson all around her.

Pain and loss ripped through his soul. Hunger

ravaged him. “Nu, Mamă, Nu!” Tears filled his
eyes. Quickly he set her head in his lap, slashed
his wrist with a fang and held it over his mother‟s
mouth. “Bea.”

Sebastian‟s blood filled her mouth and spilled

over, down her cheek to mix with her own.

He screamed, “Bea, Mamă, bea!” He shook her

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with his free hand. Tears spilled onto his cheeks.
His body shook.

Her head lolled to the side. “Nu!”
With his breath hitching, he placed his bloody

wrist over her head, letting it drip onto the
wound.

His blood settled in and the wound sealed.
Again he slashed his wrist and placed it at her

mouth. Her body remained still.

“Bea…” Sorrow filled his voice. Sobs built in his

ribcage.  A  ravenous  hunger  overtook  him.  “Nu.”
Shaking  his  head  in  shame,  he  dipped  his  face
down into his mother‟s neck. His lips opened and
brushed  against  her  flesh.  “Nu.”  His  fangs
touched  tender  skin.  Like  daggers,  they  sunk  in
deep. Sweet blood filled his mouth. As he sucked
it down, he surrendered to humiliation and grief.
Drinking  his  mother‟s  dead  blood,  great  sobs
wracked his body.

“Sebastian!”
His shoulder jerked backward. Julian came into

focus through wet eyes.

“Oh my God, what‟s happened?” Julian, in a

sweatshirt and jeans, threw his arms around
Sebastian and held him tight. “Talk to me.”

Sniffling, he wrapped his arms around his

lover. “My angel, you are here and not dead.”

“What? Of course not.” Julian kissed the side of

Sebastian‟s head.

Holding On To the Past

He left the door open. Anger fluttered up his

spine. He shoved Julian away. Glaring at his lover,
he said, “What the hell were you thinking, leaving
the door open like that?” He swiped at the
wetness on his face.

Julian‟s eyes widened in surprise. “What?”
Nikolai raced from the edge of the wall toward

his bedroom.

“You left the house wide open. Anyone could

have gotten in here. Anyone.” He placed his
hands on his hips.

“B-but we were just, just outside. I was showing

Nikolai an owl and—”

“Never, ever leave the house like that. And

don‟t ever go outside without my permission.” He
pointed at Julian.

Anger spread over Julian‟s face. He gritted his

teeth. “Don‟t you tell me what to do. If I want to
go outside, I will. My days of being imprisoned
are over.”

Stunned, he took a step back and placed his

fingertips  on  his  forehead.  “Uh,  I‟m,  I‟m  sorry,
Julian.  I  didn‟t  mean  it  that  way.”  His  anger
morphed into relief. He looked around the room a
moment.  “I  was  afraid  something  happened  to
you both.”

Julian‟s stance relaxed. “No, it didn‟t. We were

just looking at a damn owl in the tree out back.”
He looked down at his feet and back up at

Christie Gordon

Sebastian. “Nikolai was all excited about it.” He
studied Sebastian. “Sebastian, you were crying
when I walked in. I don‟t ever think I‟ve seen you
cry before. What‟s going on?”

He turned around and looked at the black and

stainless  gas  stove,  hiding  a  new  wave  of
embarrassment  and  guilt  as  best  he  could.  “It‟s
just  that  the  situation,  the  door  being  open  like
that,  reminded  me  of  how  I  found  my  mother‟s
corpse  all  those  years  ago.”  Solid  hands  gripped
his  shoulders  and  turned  him  around.  He  gazed
down into his lover‟s beautiful, blue-grey eyes.

Wisps

long,

chestnut-colored

hair

surrounded Julian‟s face and spilled out over the
dark sweatshirt covering his shoulders. “I‟m so
sorry. Tell me about it.”

He shut his eyes a second and shook his head.

“It‟s all right now. You are safe.”

A hurt look spread over Julian‟s face. “But

we‟re One now, you and I. I want to know what
happened to you. I want to know all about you.”

He let out a long exhale. I must tell Julian

something for my behavior. “It was during the Hun
wars.  I  found  the  door  to  our  home  open.  It  was
obvious that there had been a struggle. I found her
on the floor, a terrible wound in her head. I was a
newly made vampire and I tried to save her with
my  blood,  but  I  couldn‟t.”  Remorse  wound
around  his  heart  again.  And  so  I  drank  her  blood

Holding On To the Past

instead. He took in a ragged breath of air.

“I feel it, Sebastian. I feel how much this

saddens  you  still.”  Wrapping  his  arms  around
Sebastian,  Julian  pulled  him  in  close.  “I  love  you
and  I  promise  nothing  like  that  will  ever  happen
to  me.  I‟ll  be  careful.  I  can  protect  myself.
Especially when it comes to Caesar.”

“No, you can‟t.” He breathed in Julian‟s musky

scent, all clover and spice, relishing in his
embrace. “He is far more dangerous than we
thought.”

“Why do you say that?” Julian‟s lips found

Sebastian‟s, placing a lingering kiss over them.

A prick of alarm raced inside him. Stupid, do not

say such things. “No reason in particular. I just
want you to keep your guard up until this whole
incident with your old coven is resolved.”

Julian released Sebastian and stepped back.

“You know I will. And now I have my sword back
in case the Templars need me.” He smiled at
Sebastian.

He‟d make sure that would never happen. “So

you found it at the door?”

“I sure did.” Julian twisted and came back

around to face Sebastian. “I think we scared the
crap out of Nikolai.”

Relief rained down on Sebastian and a wide

grin spread over his face. “I think you‟re right. It
was our first fight, my angel.”

Christie Gordon

“And I‟m sure it won‟t be the last.” Julian let

out a short chuckle. “Let‟s go and find him.”

Sebastian followed Julian down the hallway

and into a bedroom opposite of their own.

Nikolai sat on a mission-style bed with a brown

duvet covering it. His gaze focused on the
window in front of him, open to the night air. The
soft hoot of an owl floated in from outside.

Julian and Sebastian sat on either side of

Nikolai.

Placing an arm over Nikolai‟s shoulders, Julian

said, “Are you okay?”

Furrowing his brows, Nikolai looked up at

Julian. “Yeah.”

Sebastian placed his hand on Nikolai‟s thigh.

“It must have been pretty scary seeing us arguing
just now.”

His gaze shifted to Sebastian. “I‟ve seen worse.”
Julian glanced at Sebastian and leaned in to

Nikolai. “But that doesn‟t mean that it wasn‟t
scary. Some of the things you saw with our queen
wasn‟t right. Some of them shouldn‟t have
happened.”

“I know.” Nikolai focused on the window

again.

Wincing, Sebastian took a deep inhale. “Listen,

little one. Have you ever been angry with
anyone?”

“Yeah.”

Holding On To the Past

“Then you know that sometimes people get

angry  with  one  another,  even  adults.  What
happened  was  just  that.  I  was  angry  with  Uncle
Julian,  we  talked  about  it  and  everything  is  all
right now. Right Uncle Julian?”

“Right.” Julian gave Nikolai a forced smile. His

arm squeezed around him. “And seeing an adult
vampire who‟s angry can be pretty scary, isn‟t it?”

“Yeah.” Nikolai‟s gaze flicked to Julian. “But

why was our queen so mean to everyone? Is that
why we can‟t be with her anymore? Because she
was bad?”

Julian‟s eyes widened. “Uh, well…”
“She did bad things, Nikolai. Things that are

against our vampire laws. If you do things that are
against the human laws, you go to jail. Right?”
Sebastian asked.

Nikolai gave a firm nod of his head and looked

up at Sebastian. “So she‟s in the vampire jail?”

Sebastian took a quick peek at Julian. “Yes, I

suppose you could say that.”

Nikolai‟s gaze drew back to the window. “Oh.”
“And so we can‟t be with her anymore because

she‟s in the vampire jail.” Julian‟s brows furrowed.
“Do you have any more questions about our
queen?”

Nikolai shrugged. “No.” He twisted on the bed

to face Julian. “Can we play on the Wii some
more?”

Christie Gordon

A wide smile spread over Julian‟s face. “Sure,

but give me a hug first.”

Nikolai leaned in and gave Julian a hug.
“And me.” Sebastian held out his arms.
With a big smile, Nikolai hugged Sebastian.

Julian walked out of the hallway leading to the

bedrooms and into the front room. A ponytail
tamed his long hair.

Sebastian, reading the day‟s newspaper on the

couch, looked up at his lover. “Is he asleep?”

With a smirk, Julian sat down beside Sebastian.

“Yes, finally.” He let out a long exhale. “What a
night.”

“Having a child in the house is a lot of work, is

it not?” He gave Julian a warm smile.

“Let‟s put it this way, I‟ll be really glad when

these exams are over and he‟s in school.” Julian let
out a short laugh.

“We have to get him used to the daylight hours

as well. I‟ll see if I can get Maggie to help us out
on that.” He set his newspaper down on the coffee
table. “Come here.” He held out his hand and
spread his legs.

“What?”
“Come here and I‟ll rub your shoulders.” He

waved his hands, motioning for Julian to sit on the
couch between his legs.

With a smirk, Julian repositioned himself in

Holding On To the Past

Sebastian‟s lap.

Placing his hands on Julian‟s shoulders, he

kneaded stiff muscles from Julian‟s shoulders up
to his neck and down his back.

“Oh, that feels good.” Julian‟s torso rocked with

Sebastian‟s movements. Closing his eyes, he let his
head drop forward.

Looking at Julian‟s exposed neck brought on his

arousal  and  hunger.  Leaning  forward,  he  kissed
and nipped Julian‟s neck. His cock swelled in his
slacks.  Shimmying  forward,  he  rocked  his  groin
into  Julian‟s  lower  back.  Pleasure  ached  up  from
his cock.

“That‟s feeling even better.” Julian turned in

Sebastian‟s  lap  and  kissed  him,  opening  his
mouth,  penetrating  Sebastian  with  his  tongue.
Cutting  his  tongue  on  Sebastian‟s  fang,  he  let  his
blood flow into his lover‟s mouth.

Julian‟s blood sent shivers down Sebastian‟s

back, heightening his need. His hands roamed all
over Julian‟s body, his chest, his thighs, and into
his groin. He squeezed at the growing bulge in
Julian‟s jeans. “I see you are in need of something
more than a back massage.”

“I sure am. I‟ve been thinking about being

alone  with  you  all  day.”  Julian  smiled  against
Sebastian‟s  mouth.  His  hand  ran  down  along
Sebastian‟s  stomach  and  his  fingers  rubbed  over
Sebastian‟s  hard  cock  through  his  slacks,  circling

Christie Gordon

over the head.

Letting out a soft moan, sensitivity tickled from

Julian‟s fingers into Sebastian‟s groin. His
breathing became labored. “My angel, I believe it
is time for bed.” With a smirk, he climbed off the
couch and took Julian‟s hand.

Julian followed Sebastian into the bedroom,

pulled down the burnt orange and black
bedcovers and climbed onto the bed.

After collecting the bottle of lubricant from the

drawer,  Sebastian  lay  over  top  of  Julian,  pinning
Julian‟s  arms  up  over  his  head.  Giving  Julian  a
fierce  kiss,  he  ground  his  hips  into  his  lover‟s
letting  the  pressure  and  friction  feed  a  growing
desire.

Julian kissed Sebastian back with equal hunger.

Struggling to free his hands, he nipped at
Sebastian‟s neck. “Too bad you don‟t have any
hand cuffs to tie me to the bed.”

Chuckling, Sebastian reached up with one hand

and pulled down a pair of leather straps. “Oh, but
I have these.” With preternatural quickness, he
tied Julian to the bed and sat up on his knees over
Julian‟s hips. He set the bottle of lube next to
Julian‟s head. “There, that‟s better.”

“What the hell?” Julian looked at the straps

binding his wrists. “Where did you get these?”

“I‟ve always had them, my angel. They‟ve just

been hiding between the mattress and headboard

Holding On To the Past

for the right time.” He looked his young lover
over, taut stomach muscles peeking out between
the sweatshirt and jeans.

“What else have you got hiding in here that I

don‟t know about?”

Running his finger up and under Julian‟s

sweatshirt, he teased a nipple. “You‟ll soon find
out.”

Julian let out a soft moan and rocked his hips

upward into Sebastian‟s sac. “And what are you
going to do to me?”

He leaned down over Julian. “Whatever I

please.” A smirk curled one side of his lips.

“Hurry up.”
Sebastian came down hard onto Julian‟s lips,

kissing and nipping with a voracious appetite for
blood and sex.

Julian met his need with an urgency of his own,

rocking his hips into Sebastian‟s, writhing against
the straps, letting needy moans escape him.

Sebastian kissed and bit downward, drawing

blood from Julian‟s neck. After lifting Julian‟s
sweatshirt, he flicked at a nipple with his tongue,
teasing the flesh.

Groaning in passion, Julian twisted his head

back forth.

Moving on to the next nipple, Sebastian

collected it in his teeth and gnawed softly. His
neglected cock ached with need.

Christie Gordon

Julian cried out and bucked his hips into

Sebastian‟s. “Oh, God.”

As their hips met, the friction and pressure

pulsed pleasure into Sebastian‟s aching cock. He
moved lower, crouching over Julian, down his
abdomen and let his fangs sink into Julian‟s hip.

“Ah…” Julian lashed at the leather straps.

“Jesus, Sebastian.”

Julian‟s sweet blood flooded Sebastian‟s mouth

and  sent  wave  after  wave  of  delicious  pleasure
rolling  through  his  body.  His  cock  jerked  inside
his  slacks.  Unfastening  his  pants,  he  freed  his
erection  and  slid  seeping  pre-seed  over  the  head
with  his  thumb.  Sensitivity  tickled  up  from  his
cock  to  mix  with  the  euphoria  of  Julian‟s  blood.
He let out a loud moan.

Sebastian sat up over Julian, stroking his own

hard cock. “Do you want to taste me, my angel?”

Julian looked at Sebastian with wild eyes and

nodded.

Moving up on the bed with his knees on either

side of Julian‟s body, Sebastian placed the head of
his erection at Julian‟s mouth. “Take it.”

Julian licked at the head of Sebastian‟s cock.
Leaning down onto the headboard, Sebastian

drove his erection into Julian‟s open mouth. A
humming pleasure enveloped every fiber of his
body.

Julian pumped on Sebastian‟s curved cock in

Holding On To the Past

time with Sebastian‟s rocking hips, letting his
tongue flick at the tip.

One groan after another escaped Sebastian‟s

mouth. Sensitivity grew along with hunger. He
licked his lips. Reaching down, he fondled his
own sac. His body shook. As he reached the edge
of climax, he pulled out.

“What are you doing?” Julian looked up at

Sebastian with a touch of hurt in his eyes.

Sebastian came down over Julian, caressing his

cheek, and kissed him. His bare cock slid up and
down Julian‟s belly, keeping his need heightened.
“You have almost made me spent and I have other
things in store.” A soft smile quirked his lips.

“Please, Sebastian, I need to feed.”
Sitting up again and reaching down, Sebastian

freed  Julian‟s  cock  and  slid  his  jeans  and  boxer
briefs down and off his legs. He came back to rock
into  Julian‟s  seeping  cock,  sliding  both  their
erections against one another.

Julian‟s eyes shut and his brows furrowed. A

deep moan erupted from his mouth.

Sebastian surrendered his neck to Julian. “Feed,

my love, my angel.” Pain seared into his neck as
Julian bit in. The pain melded with a lustful purr
rushing up from his groin. As the blood loss made
him giddy, the pleasure in his body grew. “More.”
His hips rocked faster.

Julian‟s thrusts became erratic and needful.

Christie Gordon

Sebastian‟s hand found the lube and opened it

with his thumb. Dipping his other hand down, he
pulled  Julian‟s  legs  up  over  his  hips.  He  slicked
his  fingers.  His  hand  plunged  down  again  and
found  Julian‟s  passage.  Slicking  it,  he  ran  his
fingers all around and just inside.

Julian cried out against Sebastian‟s skin. Julian‟s

hips thrust long and hard against Sebastian‟s.

As Sebastian sunk a finger in and stroked

Julian‟s insides, Julian bucked. Sebastian‟s cock
pulsed with intense pleasure. He let out a loud
moan. Clenching his teeth, he held back a sudden
urge to climax. Tilting his hips, his cock dropped
down.

Julian‟s hips changed position, putting his

passage flush on Sebastian‟s seeping cock. His
body rocked hard, obviously attempting to put
Sebastian inside him.

Pulling his fingers out, Sebastian let the tip of

his cock enter Julian and come back out, again and
again, teasing himself with the promise of warm
wet friction. “My angel, I fear I cannot hold out.”

Biting into Julian‟s shoulder, he plunged his

swollen cock into him. Raw need flashed through
his body. Tingling rose up from his groin.

Julian let out another long cry against

Sebastian‟s neck. Hot fluid erupted out of his cock
to slick both their stomachs.

As Julian‟s passage pulsed around Sebastian‟s

Holding On To the Past

pumping cock, he surrendered to climax. A harsh
peak rolled through his body followed by the
sweetest of pulses, filling his lover with his seed.

As it all slowed, he removed his fangs from

Julian‟s shoulder.

Panting, Julian released Sebastian‟s neck and

licked the remnants of blood from his lips. “Holy
cow, Sebastian. That was awesome.”

Raising his head, Sebastian gave Julian a lazy

look. “Awesome?” He chuckled and his cock slid
out from Julian‟s body.

Julian smiled up at his lover. “Yeah, it‟s

something I heard on the TV. It means really—”

“I know what it means.” He gave Julian a quick

kiss. “I suppose I‟ll have to tie you up more often.”

Wriggling his hand in the straps, Julian said,

“About that, can you please untie me now?”

Sebastian reached up and untied Julian‟s wrists.
As Julian wrapped his arms around Sebastian,

he sighed. “Maybe I‟ll use them to tie you up.”

Sebastian toyed with the pillow under Julian‟s

head. “Hmmm, that sounds awesome.” Smirking,
he looked up at Julian.

Julian gave his head a shake. “Oh, that‟s not a

good word for you. Thousand-year-old vampires
just don‟t sound right using that word.”

“Really?”
“Yes, really.”

Christie Gordon

Chapter

Deceit

week later, Sebastian woke up behind Julian in
their bed with his arm wrapped around his

lover. His eyes focused on the window, still
shuttered from the daylight hours. He placed a
soft kiss on Julian‟s neck.

Julian stirred and mumbled.
The muffled voices of Maggie and Nikolai

snaked in through the closed door.

“They‟re home, my angel.” He rose from the

bed  and  padded  into  the  walk-in  closet  to  dress.
After putting on a dark shirt and black slacks, he
came  back  out  into  the  bedroom  and  chuckled.
“Julian,  Nikolai‟s  home.  It  was  his  first  day  of
school.  Aren‟t  you  excited  to  find  out  how  it
went?”

Julian sat up in the immense bed. His head

shook a tangle of long hair. “Oh, shit. I almost
forgot.”

Holding On To the Past

“Get dressed. I‟ll see you out there.” He

stepped to the door, opened it and walked out into
the kitchen.

Nikolai sat at the dining table with a plate of

spaghetti and a glass of milk in front of him.

“Well hello, Nikolai.” He sat down next to

Nikolai and laid his hands on the table.

Maggie, wearing a white blouse and tan pants,

cleaned dishes in the sink.

“Hi, Uncle Sebastian.” Nikolai smiled at

Sebastian.

Julian stepped out from the hallway with a t-

shirt and jeans on, his hair still a disheveled mess.
“So how‟d it go?”

“Good.” Nikolai spooned spaghetti rolled on a

fork into his mouth.

Sebastian let out a soft chuckle. “Just good?”
“Yep.”
Wiping her hands in a kitchen towel, Maggie

stepped out from the  kitchen.  “Seems he did just
fine.  I  had  a  short  talk  with  his  teacher  and  she
said  he‟s  fitting  right  in.  She  also  said  he  seems
like a very bright boy.”

“Oh yeah, and I met this boy named Josh. I

want to have him over to play this weekend.”
Nikolai shoveled more spaghetti into his mouth.

Sebastian‟s gaze flicked to Julian and back to

Maggie. “What do you think? Should he have this
boy here?”

Christie Gordon

Maggie shrugged. “Sure, why not. I‟ll be here

anyway until we get him into a weekend routine.
Though,  it‟ll  have  to  wait  until  next  weekend.  I
had  some  work  to  finish  up  this  weekend.”  She
leaned down to Nikolai. “If we have friends over
during  the  day,  they  are  not  to  disturb  your
uncles.”

“I know,” Nikolai said. “So next weekend he

can come over?”

“Sure.” She smiled at him.
Frowning, Julian sat on the other side of Nikolai

from Sebastian. “So who is this Josh?”

“He‟s just a kid from my class. He likes playing

the Wii and I told him we have one.” Nikolai took
a gulp of milk.

Julian looked up at Maggie. “Maybe we could

have him over later in the day, like four or five
o‟clock. That way, Sebastian and I could meet him
when we wake up.”

“You just want to play the Wii with them.” A

smirk curled Sebastian‟s lips.

“And who‟ll make dinner?” Her brows rose at

Julian. “You two haven‟t cooked in how long?
And I thought it smelled terrible to you.”

Julian looked at the table. “Ah, yeah. Can you

stay to make dinner?” He gave her his most
charming smile.

“I suppose. Not like I had any other plans

already.” She let out a quick laugh. “And by the

Holding On To the Past

way, I left you a case of fresh blood in the fridge if
you‟re hungry now.”

“I sure am.” Julian got up from the table,

walked to refrigerator and took out a clear bag of
hospital blood. Frowning at it, he poured it into a
glass and set it in the microwave. “I don‟t know
that I‟ll ever get used to this.”

As the microwave dinged, Maggie laughed.

“Better that than me.”

“I know, I know. Sabbatarian rules and all.”

Julian removed his glass, came back to sit at the
table and drank a sip. Startled, he looked over at
Sebastian.

“What?” Sebastian‟s gaze locked onto Julian‟s.
“Oh, not the blood. That‟s well, fine. I was

thinking. When the shutters are down, no sunlight
can come in here, right?” Crossing his arms, he sat
back in his chair.

“Yes, that‟s right,” Sebastian said.
“Then we could conceivably be awake during

the day?” His brows furrowed. “I mean, as long as
we stayed inside.”

Sebastian looked to Maggie and back to Julian.

“Yes, I suppose. But I‟ve never done something
like that.”

Placing his elbows on the table, Julian sat

forward. “There were vampires in my old coven
who used to be awake during the day. They had to
take care of the babies and children. There were

Christie Gordon

very  few  windows  in  the  building  and  the  only
ones  we  had  were  in  the  rooms  of  the  human
children  so  they  could  expose  themselves  to
sunshine. So I know it can be done.”

Putting his index finger to his chin, Sebastian

sat back. “All right. Let‟s go ahead and try it,
starting tonight.”

A wide smile swept across Maggie‟s lips. “If

this works out for you, it‟ll make my life so much
easier.”

After putting Nikolai to bed, Sebastian sat on

the couch in the main room, toying with the
television remote. Scene after scene of video
flicked on the screen.

“Here, let me do it.” Julian, sitting next to

Sebastian, tried to grab the remote from him.

“I can do it.” Pointing the remote at the

television, he pressed another button. A news
broadcast came on the screen.

The ring of Sebastian‟s cell phone filled the

room. “Just a minute.” He set down the remote on
the coffee table and picked up his phone, looking
at  the  number.  Tată.  Putting  the  phone  to  his  ear
and  pressing  the  green  call  button,  he  rose  from
the  couch  and  walked  into  the  extra  bedroom,
made into an office of dark wood furniture.

“Salut?” His gaze took in a wall of books, all

hard bound and well-worn in front of a vintage

Holding On To the Past

desk. A small tiffany lamp on the desk lit the room
and a laptop computer sat open on the center of
the desk.

“Sebastian?” Anxiety threaded through his

father‟s voice.

“Da?” Dread rose up inside him with his

father‟s tone. “What‟s happened?”

“Are you alone?”
“Yes.” He shut the door to the office and came

back to look out the window at the black night.

“Seems I have some bad news.”
He shut his eyes tight, bracing himself. “Go

ahead.”

“Emanuel is dead.” Sadness weaved through

his father‟s voice. “I‟m sorry, fiu. I know how
good a friend he was to you.”

Tears sprang up to blur his vision. He clenched

his teeth. A memory surfaced of himself and
Emanuel sitting at the same bar in San Francisco
he‟d taken Julian to so long ago. It took him back.

“So you‟ll be heading off to kill her One, then?”

Emanuel, clad in a leather jacket and jeans, took a
sip of Sebastian‟s blood from a fat wine glass in
the low-lit room.

“Yes, but this Julian is very young and weak.”

He smirked. “He‟ll be dead before he knows what
hit him.”

Emanuel held up his glass to Sebastian over a

round table. “I‟ll drink to that.”

Christie Gordon

As he raised his glass, he laughed. “To the

death of her One and the end of that wretched
coven.”

“Here, here.”

How wrong I was…
“Sebastian? Are you still there?” His father‟s

voice rang out through the phone speaker.

Coming back to the present, he brought the

phone to his ear again. Anger wrapped around his
grief, keeping it in check. “Yes, I‟m here. It was
Caesar, wasn‟t it?” he spat.

“Yes. It seems they ambushed him in the Muir

woods.”

He let his head fall upon the cold glass of the

window. “There was no one with him?”

“I am afraid not. They promised to negotiate

giving Ramon to us if he came alone. I know how
much he wanted to catch Caesar for you.”

He pursed his lips. Emanuel‟s voice rang out

inside his head. Sebastian, we will find him. You have
my word. Guilt tore through his heart. If only he
hadn‟t reacted so strongly to Emanuel‟s failure to
find Caesar. “Ramon is, is alive?” His voice
wavered.

“We don‟t know if that is true or if it‟s a lie.”
“So his life was lost for nothing. And that

bastard is responsible.” Even as his anger lodged
heavy in his chest, tears pooled once again in his
eyes.

Holding On To the Past

“There‟s something else, fiu.” His father‟s voice

was low.

“What?” He couldn‟t take much more. What

other damage had Caesar done?

“They tortured him before they killed him,

sliced off almost all of his skin.”

“Oh, God.” A tear raced down Sebastian‟s

cheek. Greif and remorse squeezed around his
heart. My dear, dear Emanuel. You died because of me.
He twisted his back around to the window and lay
back on it. His gaze looked up at the dark ceiling.
He blinked and another tear journeyed down his
face.

“And he wrote a note on a piece of the skin they

removed. It said, Julian is a Judas. He and his lover
must die. Nikolai is mine.” His father took a deep
inhale. “It is as we thought. You must tell Julian of
the danger you are all in.”

“No, I cannot. He will seek Caesar out. He will

put himself in danger.” Frustration and fear balled
up inside him.

“Sebastian, this is not a request. It is an order.”

His voice was firm.

“I cannot.” His voice broke. What should he

do? If he complied, Julian would surely try to find
Caesar. Another tear raced down his cheek.

“Sebastian?” Julian stood in the open doorway

to the office.

Fear prickled up his spine. “I have to go.”

Christie Gordon

“Sebast—”
With a click, he shut the phone off and dropped

it into his front pocket. “How long have you been
standing there?” He swiped at the wetness on his
cheeks.

“Not long, I—” Julian walked closer to

Sebastian. “What‟s going on? Why are you so
upset again?”

He glanced at the floor and back up at his lover.

What  could  he  say?  “I  uh,  my  um…  It  seems  a
very  close  friend  of  mine  has  died.  That  was  my
father.”

Anger lit up Julian‟s eyes. In a low voice, he

said, “It was Caesar, wasn‟t it?”

“What? No, of course not.” He turned away

from Julian, looking out the window. “Why would
you say something like that?” Biting his lip, he
fought back his emotions, attempting to mask the
deceit.

“Why wouldn‟t I? I know something‟s going

on, Sebastian. I know you‟re keeping things from
me.  I  can  feel  it.”  Snatching  Sebastian‟s  shoulder,
Julian  jerked  him  back  around.  “Look  at  me,
Sebastian.  Look  at  me  and  tell  me  what‟s  going
on.”

He forced anger to the surface. Glaring at

Julian, he said, “Why does everything have to
revolve around your old coven? Why can‟t the
Templars have other issues to deal with? It just so

Holding On To the Past

happens that Emanuel was killed in an accident
during a search for, for an ancient relic.” He
placed his hands on his hips, desperately trying to
believe the lie. “And Caesar is safely tucked away
in the Sabbatarian prison as of yesterday.”

Hurt and confusion swept across Julian‟s face.

His eyes widened. “What? They caught Caesar?”

Looking around the room, he fought to keep

the façade up. His gaze came back to meet with
Julian‟s. “Yes.”

Julian stepped closer to Sebastian. “When can I

see him?”

“You cannot.”
Pacing in front of Sebastian, Julian said, “B-but

what about Ramon and all the others? What‟s
happened to them?”

“I don‟t know.”
Julian came to within inches of Sebastian‟s face

and glared at him. “Why don‟t you know,
Sebastian? I thought your people were good at
these things. I don‟t like this. Not at all.”

His stance relaxed. His heart ached to reach out

for Julian. If only he could stop this. If only he
could stop being afraid. In a weak voice, he said,
“It‟s not for you to like.”

“Fuck them, Sebastian.” Sudden rage burned in

Julian‟s  eyes.  With  forceful  gestures,  he  shouted,
“And  fuck  you,  too.  I‟m  sick  and  tired  of  sitting
around  here  like  a  fucking  hostage,  waiting  for

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something to happen. And I know.” He shook his
finger at Sebastian. “I know you‟re keeping things
from me.” With preternatural speed, he rushed
from the room.

Sebastian gave chase, stopping at the open front

door.  “Pula  mea!”  He  slammed  his  fist  on  the
doorframe, making a dent in it. Panting and panic
ridden, he stepped outside and looked around the
front  yard,  trees  and  street.  Where  had  Julian
gone?  Could  he  find  him?  But  what  about
Nikolai? Who  would be here to protect him? No,
he  must  stay.  Exasperated,  he  walked  back  into
the house and slammed the door shut.

Holding On To the Past

Chapter

Families Lost

acing from the front room to the dining room
and back again, he pulled his cell phone back

out and punched in the number for Julian. Julian‟s
iPhone  rang  on  the  coffee  table.  “La  naiba!”  He
glared  at  the  phone  and  ended  the  call.  Shaking
his  head  in  frustration,  he  pulled  up  his  father‟s
number in his phone and hit the call button. He set
the  phone  to  his  ear  and  listened  as  it  rang  three
times.

“Salut.”
“Tată?” His voice wavered.
“Da, Sebastian. Have you given more thought

to what I said?”

Still pacing, his hand waved around him. “Nu,

Tată, I have an emergency.”

“What is it, fiu?”
“Julian, he‟s, he‟s gone.” He bit back tears.
“Gone?”

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“We had an argument and he, well, he stormed

out of the house. I suspect he may head to his old
coven.” The pacing continued. A tempest of
emotion swirled inside him.

“Does he know about Caesar and the threat?”

His father‟s voice was stern.

“No, I, I didn‟t have a chance to tell him.”

Letting out a ragged exhale, he raked a hand
through his black hair.

“You have to tell him, fiu.”
“I don‟t have time for that now.” Steadying

himself, he closed his eyes. “Who is on watch at
Nona‟s old coven?” Lifting his hand, he pinched
the bridge of his nose.

“David is in charge with his men.”
“Okay, mersi.” He halted the pacing. “La

revedere, Tată.”

“Pa.”
He hit the red button on his phone, stopping

the call, and punched buttons to find the number
for David. As David‟s name highlighted in his cell
phone‟s address book, he hit the call button again.
Clenching and unclenching the fist of his free
hand, he waited through five rings.

“Hello?”
“David?”
“Yeah?”
“This is Sebastian. Keep a watch out for Julian

and let all the knights in the field know to look for

Holding On To the Past

him. If anyone sees him, they are to detain him
and call me immediately.” He fought to keep his
voice calm.

“Yes, sir,” David said, “But why would we see

Julian around here?”

“It‟s confidential. Please, just do as I ask.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Goodnight.” He ended the call and strode to

the  front  door  to  lock  it.  Wait,  did  Julian  think  to
grab  his  house  keys  as  he  ran  off?  He  turned  in  the
foyer  and  looked  in  a  small  woven  basket  on  a
sofa table pushed against the wall. The keys were
gone. He must have taken them. “My angel, please
be safe.”

With a heavy heart, he went back to the front

door  and  locked  it.  After,  he  stalked  into  his
bedroom  and  threw  himself  over  the  bed,  not
bothering to turn on the light. In the glow from the
hallway, he stared blankly at a shuttered window
in front of him. What could he do now but wait?
My  angel  is  out  there  somewhere  in  danger  and  my

good friend Emanuel is dead, because of me.

As another round of tears stung his eyes, he

shut  them  tight.  And  what  of  Emanuel?  To  be
skinned like an animal was an abomination. And
he is no  more. Memories flooded his mind,  of he
and  Emanuel  hunting  through  the  villages  of
Europe, of him finding Emanuel as a newly made
vampire, all lost and wretched and hungry. How

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his Emanuel loved the hunt, the sport of it, the
killing of murderers and rapists, the justice in it.

Sniffling, he set his cell phone on the bed by his

face. This way he could answer as soon as they
called him with word on Julian. “Please come back
to me, my angel.”

He shut his eyes again and the bedroom

vanished.

In a tattered linen tunic and pants, he ran

behind his sister through stone walls and mud.
The flicker of fires lit up the night. His heart
pounded. “Nu, Catalena!”

Her long black hair billowed out behind her as

she ran. Her hands held up stained and torn linen
skirts. For a second, she twisted her head.
“Sebastian!”

Stepping out from behind a wall, the silhouette

of a squat man in a metal helmet and scaled
leather armor lifted a sword and slashed
downward.

“Nu!” Sebastian screamed.
Shrieking, Catalena fell to the muck.
The Hun soldier reared his sword again to

strike.

With preternatural speed, Sebastian snatched

him by the neck and twisted.

Crackling sounded as the Hun‟s neck broke.

His deformed head lolled. Vacant eyes stared up
at Sebastian over scarred cheeks covered in

Holding On To the Past

patches of thin beard.

He flung the body against a hard wall. A wet

thud filled the air. As it fell to the ground, the
broken body left blood smearing in its wake.

He turned his attention to his sister. “Catalena.”

He fell to his knees beside her and lifted her limp
body to his lap.

Blood covered her dress. A deep wound ran

across her side, slicing her dress open and
exposing her internal organs. “Make me into the
undead, like father did for you.”

“Catalena…” His voiced wavered. “I‟ll try, but I

have never done it before.” Hunger rose up inside
him. He shut it away. Ripping into his wrist with
his fangs, he let his blood flow out of him over her
wound.

The wound sealed some, but not all the way.

Her blood continued to seep out onto Sebastian‟s
tunic and pants. His hunger heightened. “It‟s not
working.” Tears filled his eyes. “Am I not strong
enough?” Frustration and grief swirled inside him.

Catalena‟s face went ashen grey. Her voice was

soft. “Hurry, Sebastian, hurry…”

Again, he slashed at his wrist. His blood

spurted out onto her wound. The wound sealed
shut. “I did it, Catalena, I—”

Her head twisted to the side. Her breathing

stopped.

“Catalena? Catalena!” He shook her.

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Her wound jiggled open again.
“Oh, God, Catalena?” He looked her over.

Dropping his head, he listened for her heartbeat.
Nothing. He held her to his chest and rocked. “Nu,
nu, nu, nu, nu…” Tears fell from his eyes and
dripped down to her neck. Great sobs built in his
chest. His fangs barred. Not this time…

With preternatural speed, he leapt away from

her,  snatched  the  Hun‟s  body  and  sank  his  fangs
deep  into  its  neck.  As  he  drank  the  foul  blood
from the Hun, he kept his gaze affixed to his dead
sister. His  body heaved with  sobs.  Tears fell, one
after the other, down his cheeks. Guilt and shame
and  loss  wound  like  a  flooded  river  through  his
heart.

Sebastian‟s shoulder shook.
“Sebastian?”
He opened his eyes. The dark bedroom

appeared before him. A warm hand shook his
shoulder once again.

“I‟m sorry, Sebastian, so sorry.” Julian‟s voice

was heavy with emotion.

Twisting to his back on his bed, he looked up at

Julian,  kneeling  beside  him.  He  lurched  up  and
tugged  Julian  down  to  his  chest.  “My  angel,  you
are  safe.”  Relief  rained  down  on  him.  He  kissed
Julian‟s  hair,  cheeks  and  forehead.  “Thank  God,
you are safe.”

Julian sniffled and held tight to Sebastian. “I

Holding On To the Past

shouldn‟t have run away from you. That was
stupid.”

“It was, but you are here now.” He released

Julian. “Where did you go?”

Julian raised his head and looked down upon

Sebastian. A sheepish smile curled one side of his
lips. “I just went for a walk in the woods, that‟s all.
I just needed to think and cool off a bit.”

He nodded. “I see…”
Julian let out a long exhale. “Anyway, enough

about my stupidity. How are you after getting the
news about your friend?” His gaze searched
Sebastian‟s face.

He let out a long sigh. “I‟m as good as can be

expected. It was very sudden and I suppose it
doesn‟t seem real yet.”

Julian‟s fingers toyed with the bedding next to

Sebastian‟s head. “You seemed to be having one
hell of a dream when I came in here.”

He bit his lip. “Yes, I was.”
“What was it about?”
He looked passed Julian for a second. “My

sister‟s death.”

“And?”
“And well, she was killed by the Huns right in

front of me. Seems I was never any good at
protecting the ones I love.” His voice broke.

Caressing Sebastian‟s cheek, Julian said, “That‟s

not true. You saved me from Nona. And now

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Caesar is no longer a threat.”

A shock of guilt tore through Sebastian‟s body

and he turned his head away.

Julian‟s fingers tugged on Sebastian‟s chin,

bringing  him  back.  He  gazed  directly  into
Sebastian‟s eyes. “I love you and I have to say that
I‟ve never felt more safe than when I‟m with you. I
know  you‟d  lay  down  your  life  for  me  and  for
Nikolai.  It  must  be  terrible  for  you  to  have  lost
your family like that. I can‟t imagine it.”

“Ah, but you have lost a family of sorts as well,

have  you  not?”  Sebastian  took  in  Julian‟s  beauty,
the  large  blue  eyes  and  chestnut  hair  veiling  his
face,  the  generous  lips.  How  his  heart  ached  for
him.

Julian‟s brows furrowed. “Yes, I suppose I

have.” His gaze dropped and came back to meet
with Sebastian‟s once again. “But your people will
find them and I‟ll see many of them again.”

“Yes, I suppose.” He looked away again. Would

Julian really see his brethren again? Maybe… It all
depended on what they found when they
apprehended them.

Julian fell down over Sebastian and held tight

to him. “Make love to me, Sebastian. I feel so far
away from you right now.”

He wrapped his arms around his lover. “I‟m

sorry, my angel.” He kissed Julian‟s head. “I know
I must seem distant with all that is happening and

Holding On To the Past

I am sorry for that.”

Julian tightened his hold on Sebastian. “Then

make love to me. Show me your love.”

He flipped Julian over, onto his back and lay

atop him. Gazing down into Julian‟s eyes, he let
love fill his heart. “I do love you, Julian. You know
that.” He caressed Julian‟s cheek with his thumb.
“I love you more than I dare admit, even to
myself.” He placed a heated kiss on Julian‟s lips.

Julian‟s mouth parted and his hips rocked,

pressing his cock against Sebastian‟s. “Show me.”

With a smirk, Sebastian sat up on his knees.

Leaning  down,  he  unfastened  Julian‟s  jeans  and
removed  his  boxer  briefs,  jeans,  tennis  shoes  and
socks.  For  the  moment,  he  could  lose  himself  in
pleasure.

Julian‟s cock stiffened in an instant.
“Take off your shirt.”
Julian pulled his t-shirt up over his head and

threw it to the floor.

“You want me so, my angel.” After licking his

index finger, Sebastian ran it up the front of
Julian‟s erection.

It twitched and Julian rocked his hips, letting

out a soft moan.

Tilting his head, Sebastian admired his lean

young lover. “Your cock is as beautiful as the rest
of you.”

Anticipation swept over Julian‟s face.

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A mischievous thought entered Sebastian‟s

mind. “I just want to watch you a little longer.” He
leaned to the side, opened the nightstand drawer
and took out the bottle of lube. After opening it, he
squeezed and ample amount onto Julian‟s swollen
cock.

Again, Julian‟s cock twitched. Hissing, he shut

his eyes.

Sebastian set the lube back on the nightstand

and came back to kneeling beside Julian. He
slathered the slippery substance over Julian‟s cock,
down the shaft, over the head and back down to
fondle his sac.

Julian‟s brows furrowed. His mouth opened

and a low groan escaped him. His hips rocked.
“More, Sebastian, give me more.”

With his groin aching, Sebastian took his hand

away, undressed and placed the slickened hand
back on his own hard cock. “I want to watch you
do it.”

Julian looked down at him. “Do what?”
“Touch yourself for me.”
Nodding, Julian licked his lips. His hand

reached  down  and  surrounded  his  cock.  Slowly,
his  hand  pumped  and  his  hips  rocked.  His  hand
came  over  top  to  swirl  and  tease  the  tip.  His
breathing became ragged.

Sebastian squeezed his cock. A pulse of

pleasure rocketed through him. His hunger rose.

Holding On To the Past

His whole being focused on Julian, on the sensual
movement of his hand and fingers on his erection,
to the look of raw desire on his face. Reaching out
with his free hand, he propped Julian‟s legs up
and open, exposing Julian‟s passage.

Julian‟s hand came down farther, his fingers

searching out his entrance, teasing and circling it.
His hips thrust up. A finger dipped in. He let out a
deep moan.

Sebastian teased himself with soft strokes on his

erection, letting the tension build inside him.
“That‟s it, my angel, give yourself pleasure for
me.”

Julian dipped a second finger inside his passage

and stroked. His cock seeped with pre-seed,
dribbling onto his stomach.

Unable to control himself, Sebastian came down

over Julian‟s hips, propped by one arm, and licked
up Julian‟s thick cock. His hand stroked hard.
Need and hunger burned inside him.

Julian‟s fingers thrust in and out, faster, harder.

His hips bucked. His cock twitched, over and
over. One moan after another erupted from his
throat. His head twisted back and forth.

Licking up and down Julian‟s cock, Sebastian

lost himself and took it all in, flicking his tongue
against it, tasting all of it.

Julian cried out. “Stop, stop, damn it. I‟m going

to cum.” He halted all motions and lay on the bed

Christie Gordon

panting.

Releasing Julian‟s cock from his mouth,

Sebastian looked up at his lover.

Julian‟s hair lay in wet patches against his face.
“Do you want me inside you?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want my blood?”
“Oh, God, yes.”
Lying down over Julian, Sebastian plunged his

thick cock into Julian‟s entrance. As his face fell to
Julian‟s  neck,  pain  pierced  his  shoulder  from  his
lover‟s  fangs.  He  bit  hard  into  Julian‟s  flesh.  His
heartbeat shifted. His hips thrust. Tingling rose up
from  his  cock.  Delicious  blood  like  sweet  wine
flooded  his  mouth,  heightening  his  body‟s
sensitivity and arousal.

Wrapping his legs around Sebastian‟s hips,

Julian crossed his ankles and forced Sebastian‟s
cock faster and harder into him. His cock slid over
Sebastian‟s bare stomach. He cried out and hot
seed spurted up between them.

Sebastian‟s body shook with an urgent need.

The thrust of his hips became erratic. With a sharp
gasp,  his  climax  peaked.  Sweet  contractions  sent
wave  after  wave  of  brutal  pleasure  through  his
body.

As it calmed, he relaxed over Julian‟s body.

“The best.”

“I have to agree.” Julian hugged Sebastian.

Holding On To the Past

“Let‟s clean up before I fall asleep like this.” His

breathing slowed.

“Yeah, Nikolai doesn‟t need to see us this way.

That‟d be pretty difficult to explain.”

Sebastian let out a soft chuckle. “I‟d make you

do it.”

A few days later, Sebastian walked through his

father‟s castle-like estate dressed all in customary
black, on his way to a funeral service arranged for
his friend, Emanuel. As he stepped into the large
main room, his father greeted him.

“Salut, fiu.” Mr. Anarti, dressed in a black silk

blazer and slacks, patted Sebastian on the back.
His hair was pulled back into a long ponytail.

“Salut, Tată.” He kissed his father on both

cheeks and looked around the room.

Both vampires and human Sabbatarians

mingled  about,  sipping  drinks  in  cut  crystal  or
blood from wine glasses. In the front of the room,
sitting  between  three  grand,  arched  windows,  a
silver  urn  sat  atop  a  marble  pedestal.  Tall  flower
vases filled with white roses and calla lilies graced
either  side  of  it.  In  front  of  the  urn  were  rows  of
folding  garden  chairs  resting  over  an  ornate
Pakistani rug. Classical music played on speakers
built into a high, curved ceiling.

Mr. Anarti tapped his son on the arm. “I

suppose Julian is home with Nikolai?”

Christie Gordon

He took in the swirling pattern on the rug.

“Yes, he is.”

“You could have brought them both.” His

father‟s gaze took in Sebastian as if studying him.

He met his father‟s gaze. “I know. I felt it would

be best to leave them at home. I didn‟t want
Nikolai to overhear any talk about Nona that
might upset him.”

“Nor Julian to hear the truth about Caesar and

his coven?” His father‟s brows rose.

Wincing, Sebastian gritted his teeth. “He will

know the truth when it is settled.”

Maggie stepped up to Sebastian and

straightened her modest black dress. In one hand
she held a clear drink. “Sebastian, Master Anarti,
I‟m sorry for your loss.”

Sebastian nodded. “Thank you.”
“He will be missed,” Mr. Anarti said.
“How‟s Nikolai?” She looked at Sebastian.
“Oh, he‟s doing all the things a typical twelve

year old does, keeping us on our toes.” He forced
a smile at Maggie.

“The play date‟s all set. Josh will be coming

over at about 4pm next Saturday.” She took a sip
of her drink.

“Play date?” A puzzled look swept over Mr.

Anarti‟s face.

“Uh…” A real smile surfaced on Sebastian‟s

mouth. “It‟s what children do when they want to

Holding On To the Past

play nowadays.”

His father gave a slow nod. “I see.”
A flood of terror rose up inside Sebastian on the

invisible thread he shared with Julian. “Master, I
must go.”

“Why?” his father asked. “You don‟t look

well.”

“Sebastian?” Maggie placed her hand on his

arm.

His gaze flicked between them. The terror

streaming into him morphed to rage. “I don‟t
know. But I have to leave. I‟m getting strange
feelings from Julian.”

“I‟ll get someone to go with you,” Mr. Anarti

said.

“No, I don‟t want it to disrupt the funeral. It

may be nothing at all. I‟ll go. If I need someone, I
will call.” Hang on, my angel. With a burst of speed,
he was off.

He slowed inside the forest of redwoods

surrounding  his  home  and  peeked  at  the  house
through the underbrush. Something’s not right. He
should  assess  the  situation,  not  be  too  brash.  His
father‟s  voice  echoed  in  his  mind.  Your  need  to
protect  those  closest  to  you  makes  you  weak.  All
around him were the sounds and shadows of the
night. A warm glow lit up the house windows and
into the yard.

“I said get inside, Nikolai!” Julian screamed.

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Alarm jolted Sebastian‟s nerves. He jerked

forward, but stopped in his tracks.

“Come to your uncle, Nikolai, or I‟ll have to kill

this betrayer.” Caesar held Julian from behind on
the front lawn with silver dagger poised at Julian‟s
neck. His body was covered in black leather and
his short blond hair spiked up on his head.

Nikolai stood at the open door to the house in

his navy-blue school uniform. Fear and indecision
hung on his face.

“God, no,” Sebastian whispered. Rage built

deep  inside  him.  How  dare  Caesar  come  to  his
home. How dare he think he could get away with
such a thing. But if he rushed Caesar now, he may
kill  Julian  before  he  got  to  him  and  Nikolai  was
still  in  danger.  He  hid  his  presence  from  Julian.
Better to have the element of surprise. He listened
with preternatural hearing. Were they alone or did
Caesar bring others?

“God damn it, Nikolai, I said to get in that

house or I swear I‟ll beat the living shit out of
you!” Julian struggled in Caesar‟s steel grip.

“B-but, Uncle Julian…” Nikolai‟s lower lip

trembled.

“Now now, Julian, is that any way to talk to

your nephew?” Caesar twisted the dagger against
the skin of Julian‟s neck, above his black t-shirt.

Julian cried out in pain. A sizzling sound and

the smell of burning flesh carried out over the

Holding On To the Past

yard. Julian growled, “Get in there now!”

Screeching, Nikolai ran into the house and shut

the door with a thud.

“You think that will save him?” Caesar said in a

low  voice.  “You  and  your  sodomite  lover  killed
my  One.  You  betrayed  your  queen  and  you
betrayed your brethren. You are not only undead,
you  are  unnatural.  And  for  this,  you  shall  both
die.” Caesar lifted the arm holding the dagger.

“No!” Gripping the arm Caesar had around his

chest, Julian lurched forward.

Sebastian launched out of the brush. In a flash,

he flung Caesar against the thick trunk of a
redwood. As ribs broke, his body cracked. “Ah!”

With his hands at his neck, Julian fell to the

grass, writhing in pain.

Snarling, Sebastian sprang at Caesar.
Leaping out of Sebastian‟s path, Caesar landed

on the roof.

Sebastian‟s attention flicked to Julian.
Julian lay still and silent in a heap on the grass.
He can’t be dead. The old loss sprang up inside

Sebastian. Rage ran in a torrent through him,
blinding him to all else.

“So you came for your precious Julian, did

you?” Holding out his dagger, Caesar let out an
evil laugh. He pointed the dagger at Julian. “Looks
like you were too late.” He sneered. “But then you
were always too late when it came to saving the

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ones you loved, weren‟t you?”

“You fucking bastard.” Sebastian stepped

toward the house. “You know nothing about me.”

Nikolai‟s head popped up above the frame of

his bedroom window and fell again.

Stay in the house, little one. Tensing his muscles,

he remained focused on Caesar.

Caesar‟s knees bent as if preparing to jump

again. “Oh, but I do, Templar. I know about your
pathetic Templars bowing down to the will of the
Sabattarians.” He stabbed the dagger at Sebastian.
“You are a disgrace to all vampires. You don‟t
even drink live human blood.” He made a face of
disgust. “You are all weak. It was a pleasure to kill
Emanuel. He deserved to die.”

In a fury of rage, Sebastian sprang up to the

roof.

Caesar leapt to a nearby tree top. “Go ahead

and give chase. Then my brethren can finish the
job here.” Cackling, he disappeared into the
treetops.

Twisting around on the roof in a panic,

Sebastian searched the brush and forest for other
vampires.

The forest was silent. Not even the hoot of an

owl broke through.

“He‟s lying,” Sebastian said through his teeth.

But still, he couldn‟t leave Julian and Nikolai. He
jumped off the roof, landing next to Julian.

Holding On To the Past

Crouching down, he placed a hand on Julian‟s
side. A prick of fear raced inside him. The faintest
of heartbeats pumped through his fingertips. “Oh
thank God.”

Bundling Julian up in his lap, he looked

through tangled, chestnut hair into Julian‟s face.

A trail of drying tears ran down Julian‟s cheeks.

His eyes stared up at nothing.

“Julian?” Fear rose up inside him once more.

How much this resembled all those deaths he
faced so long ago. A shiver raced down his spine.
Tears welled in his eyes. “My angel, where are
you?” His gaze caught Julian‟s neck.

A ragged line of burned flesh made a gruesome

collar under Julian‟s jaw.

With a gasp, he cut his wrist on a fang and let

his  blood  drip  over  Julian‟s  wound.  After  a  few
seconds,  it  hissed  and  sealed,  leaving  an  angry
scar.  He  drew  Julian  into  his  chest  and  rocked.
Emotion  overwhelmed  him.  “My  angel,  I  am  so
sorry.  So  sorry.”  Tears  fell,  one  after  another,
down his face and into Julian‟s snarled hair.

“You lied to me.” Julian‟s voice was horse.
“I did and I‟m sorry.” He held tighter to Julian.

Through hitched breathing, he said, “I thought I
was protecting you and Nikolai. I thought it was
the right thing.”

“You put us in danger.” Julian‟s voice rose. “Let

me go.” Raising his hands, he pushed weakly at

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Sebastian‟s shoulders.

“No, I cannot.” The pain of rejection swarmed

around  his  heart.  “Please,  Julian,  please
understand. I did it because of my love for you.”
A  new  round  of  tears  overflowed  down  his  face.
He  shook  his  head  against  Julian‟s  cheek.  “I
cannot  lose  you  and  Nikolai  the  way  I  lost  my
family. I cannot.”

Through his teeth, Julian said, “Let me go.” He

slammed his palms on Sebastian‟s shoulders.
“Damn it, Sebastian. Let me go!”

With his chest heaving, he released Julian.
Julian sat up in the grass and glared at

Sebastian.  “You  told  me  your  people  caught
Caesar.  You  told  me  Emanuel  died  in  an
accident.” His voice became low. “You didn‟t tell
me Caesar was Nona‟s One. You didn‟t tell me he
made a new coven.” Julian looked at the grass and
back up at Sebastian. “You put me and Nikolai at
risk. If I had known he was such a threat to us, I
would  have  been  ready.  I  would  have  had  my
sword.” He came closer to Sebastian on his knees,
his face only inches away.

Sebastian shut his eyes, holding back his

emotions.

“How can I ever trust you again?”
Sebastian opened his mouth, but no words

would come.

Letting out a ragged exhale, Julian sat back on

Holding On To the Past

his  legs.  His  shoulders  relaxed.  He  looked  at  the
ground for a few minutes. “This is not the same as
what  happened  to  your  family.  I  am  not  your
mother  or  your  sister.  I  am  a  vampire.  I  am
capable  of  protecting  myself,  especially  against
Caesar.  He  may  be  older  than  me,  but  I  have
sparred  with  him  many  times  and  I  know  his
weaknesses.  If  you  had  bothered  to  ask,  I  could
have given you information that may have saved
your friend, Emanuel.”

Sebastian looked at Julian through dark bangs.

Hope fluttered across his heart. “Really?”

“Yes.” Julian placed his hand on Sebastian‟s

thigh.  He  looked  up  at  his  lover  with  a
sympathetic  expression.  “We  need  to  work
together  on  this.  You  need  to  get  me  into  those
meetings. I know I can help and I promise I won‟t
do  anything  brash.  I  won‟t  take  anything  on
myself,  because  clearly,  that  doesn‟t  work.”  He
gave Sebastian a half smile.

Sebastian nodded, taking in a deep inhale.
Giving Sebastian a stern look, he said, “I don‟t

ever want you to lie to me again. Not ever.”

“I will not.” The dull ache of guilt threaded

through his chest.

“Then promise me, with blood, that you will

never lie to me again.”

“With blood?” His brows rose in confusion.
Julian sliced a cut in his index finger and held it

Christie Gordon

out to Sebastian. “Do the same.”

Sebastian cut an index finger on a fang and

held it up.

Pressing their bloody fingers together, Julian

said, “Promise me.”

“I swear on our blood, my angel, to never, ever

lie to you again.”

Holding On To the Past

Chapter

Missing

ulian and Sebastian rose from the front lawn
and walked toward the house.

“Nikolai must be scared to death.” Sebastian

took Julian‟s hand in his own.

“As was I.” As Julian opened the front door, he

turned to Sebastian. “I swear, Sebastian, if
anything had happened to Nikolai, I don‟t think I
could handle it.”

He squeezed Julian‟s hand. “Nothing will. He

has  us  to  protect  him.”  After  entering  the  house,
Sebastian  closed  and  locked  the  door  and  set  the
alarm.  He  flicked  a  switch  that  looked  similar  to
the house‟s light switches and all the steel shutters
rumbled down over the windows.

“Good idea.” Julian smiled at Sebastian and led

him  through  the  house  and  into  Nikolai‟s  room.
“Nikolai?  Where  are  you?”  His  gaze  roamed
around  the  twin  bed,  a  shelf  of  toys,  the  dresser

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and the open closet.

“It‟s okay now, little one. You are safe.” His

preternatural hearing picked up movement from
under the bed. He poked at Julian and pointed to
the opening below the bed frame.

Frowning, Julian crouched down and peered

under the bed. “There you are.” He reached in.
“Come on out of there.”

Nikolai shimmed out from under the bed and

stood up. His blond hair was mussed on his head
and traces of tears made shiny trails on his cheeks.
With wide eyes, he looked up at Julian and
Sebastian.

Sebastian placed his hand on Nikolai‟s

shoulder. “You must be scared and maybe a little
confused?”

Nikolai nodded and focused on Julian. “Doesn‟t

Uncle Caesar like us anymore?”

Furrowing his brows, Julian looked at

Sebastian. “Well…”

Sebastian bent forward, putting his head at

Nikolai‟s height. “It‟s not a question of like,
Nikolai. Remember what we told you about your
queen? How she didn‟t follow the vampire laws?”

Keeping his gaze fixed to Sebastian‟s, Nikolai

nodded.

“Well, now Caesar is not following the laws

and is very angry at Julian and myself for helping
to put your queen in jail.”

Holding On To the Past

“But he tried to kill Uncle Julian.” His gaze

flicked to Julian and back.

Sebastian placed his palm on Nikolai‟s cheek. “I

know. I think not having your queen has made
Caesar so angry that he‟s become dangerous. He‟s
a danger to all of us, little one.”

“Will he try to kill me?” An expression of fear

swept over Nikolai‟s face.

Julian grabbed Nikolai by the shoulders.

“Listen to me. Caesar and anyone else from our
coven is not to be trusted. Do you hear me?”

Grabbing Julian‟s t-shirt, Nikolai asked, “Why

not? Why do they hate us so much? What did we
do?”

Julian removed his hands from Nikolai‟s

shoulders and placed them over Nikolai‟s much
smaller hands. “Caesar hates me, Nikolai, not you.
He blames me for our queen being in jail.”

“Did you put her in jail?”
Julian took in a sharp breath. Letting go of

Nikolai‟s hands, he straightened and bit his lip.

“No, little one. He did not.” Sebastian let out a

ragged exhale and looked at Julian. “It‟s time we
just told him the truth.”

Nikolai‟s gaze flicked between Sebastian and

Julian.

“Sit down, Nikolai.” Sebastian gestured to the

bed.

Nikolai sat down on the edge.

Christie Gordon

Sebastian took a seat next to Nikolai, willing his

emotions to calm. “Julian, why don‟t you go and
get Nikolai a cookie or something?”

“Why? What are you going to tell him?” Julian

raked a hand through his long hair.

“Just the truth.” He placed his arm around

Nikolai‟s shoulders.

“Does that mean you lied to me like you lied to

Julian?”

Startled, Sebastian‟s attention drew to Nikolai.

“Where did you hear that?”

“I heard Uncle Julian and you talking after

Uncle Caesar left.” Nikolai‟s head dropped
forward and he looked at the floor. “What
happened to your mother and sister?”

“Oh, shit.” Julian spun a circle and came back

to glare at Sebastian. “Now what?”

“Just get the cookie. I‟ll take care of this.” He

peered at Nikolai. Somehow, he must make
everything all right for him.

Julian left the room.
“When I was a young vampire, there was a

very big war going on. Because of this war, some
very bad people, called the Huns, attacked my
village and killed my mother and sister. I tried to
save them, but I could not.”

Nikolai‟s head rose and his gaze met with

Sebastian‟s. “Is Caesar a Hun?”

A light smile danced on Sebastian‟s lips. “No,

Holding On To the Past

little one, he is not. He is, though, as dangerous as
one. The truth is.” He shifted on the bed to face
Nikolai. “Your queen is not really in jail. She is
dead.”

Nikolai‟s eyes widened. “Dead?”
“Yes, but she is in a better place now.”
“In heaven?”
“That‟s right.”
“Did you kill her?” Nikolai‟s gaze searched

Sebastian‟s face.

“I uh…” He licked his lips and sat back. A

thread of guilt and fear wove through him. His
gaze met Nikolai‟s. “Yes, I did.”

Nikolai looked down at his hands, clutching at

each other in his lap. His head nodded slowly.
“Are you going to kill Uncle Caesar?”

“I do not know. If killing him means that you

and Uncle Julian are safe, then that is what I‟ll do.”
A fierce feeling of protection washed down over
him. Reaching out, he lifted Nikolai‟s face by the
chin.

With his brows furrowed, Nikolai looked at

Sebastian.

“All I want is for us to be safe and for you to be

able  to  go  to  school  and  have  friends  and  live  a
normal  human  life.  Do  you  understand?”  He
dropped his hand from Nikolai‟s chin and let out a
long exhale.

“But what laws did my queen and Uncle Caesar

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break? Why did you attack us?”

Julian entered the room with two chocolate chip

cookies. “I think that‟s enough questions for
today, right Sebastian?” He handed the cookies to
Nikolai.

Frowning, Nikolai took the cookies and held

them in his lap.

Sebastian placed his hand on Nikolai‟s

shoulder. Relief quelled a flurry of emotions
fighting to rise up inside him. “Little one, there are
some things that are better left to adults. When the
time is right, we will answer all of your questions.
Just know that we love you and would never let
any harm come to you.”

Looking down at his cookies, Nikolai nodded.

His gaze rose again to meet Sebastian‟s. “But do I
still get to go to school tomorrow?”

Sebastian looked at Julian.
“Sure, why not. Caesar can‟t touch him during

the day and we have Maggie. I think it‟s important
that we don‟t disrupt his schooling.”

Sebastian pursed his lips. “I don‟t know…”
“Please, Uncle Sebastian?” Nikolai watched

Sebastian.

Sebastian let out a long exhale. “Oh, all right.”
“Yes.” A wide smile spread over Nikolai‟s

mouth and he pumped his fist. He took a bite of
cookie.

Julian bent over and placed a kiss on Nikolai‟s

Holding On To the Past

head. “I love you, Nikolai. Remember that.”

“I love you, too, Uncle Julian.” Chewing, his

gaze rose to Sebastian‟s. “And you, Uncle
Sebastian.”

Sebastian‟s heart ached with love for his new

family. With a forced smile, Sebastian ruffled
Nikolai‟s hair. “Eat your cookies and let‟s get to
your homework so you and Uncle Julian can play
the Wii.”

Sebastian paced from the shuttered window to

the closed door in the office of his home. His cell
phone pressed against his ear. As it rang, the
muffled voices of Julian and Nikolai playing video
games snaked into the room.

“Salut.”
“Salut, Tată.” He stopped for a moment.
“Is everything all right, fiu?” Worry filled his

father‟s voice.

“Yes…” He took a deep breath. “It is now,

anyway.” He looked at the closed door and
lowered his tone. “Caesar tried to attack Julian
and Nikolai.”

“He what? Why didn‟t you call us for help?”
“There was no time, Tată. I had to act quickly.”

His hand tightened its grip on the phone. “When I
got here, he had Julian in a stronghold with a
silver dagger at his neck. Nikolai was free and
almost in the house.”

Christie Gordon

His father let out a long breath. “And so tell me

all of what happened.”

“Everything we thought was true is true. He

blames  me  for  killing  Nona,  his  One,  and  he
blames  Julian  for  the  attack  on  their  coven.  It
seemed as though he wanted to take Nikolai from
us. He believes that we are weak because we drink
transfused  blood  and  that  the  Templars  are
somehow  servants  to the  Sabattarians.  I  was  able
to  free  Julian  and  Nikolai  hid  in  the  house,  but
Caesar escaped.”

“This is bad, fiu. He will poison all of what‟s

left of Nona‟s coven.”

“Yes and well…” He raked his hand through

black hair and shifted his gaze to the wall of books
across from the desk. “Julian knows everything
now.”

“As he should.”
He ran his index finger along the top of the

desk. “You were right. I, I put them all in danger
by not telling them.” His brows furrowed.

“And you were able to save them when they

needed you. Let this be a lesson, fiu. Do not beat
yourself up over this. They are safe now.”

He nodded and looked up at the shuttered

window. “I‟m keeping the house locked up at all
times until Caesar is apprehended.”

“I‟ll send a guard over to your home as well. If

he returns, he will meet with our vengeance.” His

Holding On To the Past

voice was stern.

He took a sharp inhale. “Tată, Julian says he

knows of Caesar‟s weaknesses. He says he knows
things about his coven that we could use to our
benefit.”

“Yes?”
“It may be time we let him attend the meetings

and it may be time you let us both help in the
search for them.” Determination rose in his voice.

“Hmmm… Maybe you are right. Let me take

this up with the council.”

“Tată? How was Emanuel‟s funeral?” He shut

his eyes tight as grief welled up inside him.

“It was befitting a vampire of his caliber. I

know he would understand why you were not
there.” Compassion filtered through in his voice.

“Mulţumesc, Tată. La revedere.”
“La revedere, fiu. I love you.”
“And I love you.” He clicked the red button on

the cell phone and dropped it into the back pocket
of his black slacks. A shock of panic tore through
him. I almost lost them. The thought shivered over
him. Taking a deep inhale, he opened the door
and stepped into the main room.

Julian and Nikolai looked up from their

positions on the rug in front of the flat screen
television, white game controllers in their hands.
Nikolai had his green plaid pajamas on.

“How did it go with your father?” Julian

Christie Gordon

pressed a button to pause the video game.

He put his hands in his front pockets. “He

agrees that you should attend the meetings. I think
he will let us help.” He looked at Nikolai. “There
will be Templar guards posted at the house in case
Caesar returns, so Nikolai should be safe if we are
gone.”

A wide smile spread over Julian‟s lips. “Great. I

can‟t wait to feel useful again.”

Sebastian pointed a finger at Julian. “This does

not give you free rein to do whatever you please.”

“I know. I‟m not a child, Sebastian.” His brows

lowered. “I can defend myself. I think you‟d be
surprised at how good a chevalier I was.”

Sebastian let out a chuckle and smirked. “Yes,

so good I had my finger dagger set to kill you in
mere seconds that first day.”

Anger rose up in Julian‟s eyes. He set the

controller down. “That‟s not fair.”

“Did Uncle Sebastian try to kill you, too, Uncle

Julian?” Nikolai looked at Julian with wide eyes.

“Yes, but he was overwhelmed by my immense

charm.” Julian‟s gaze flicked from Nikolai to
Sebastian.

“You are right about that.” With a laugh,

Sebastian walked to Julian and Nikolai and kissed
their heads. “And I‟m still overwhelmed by your
charm.”

Holding On To the Past

The following day, the door to their bedroom

burst open and slammed against the wall. “Get
up. He‟s gone.”

Sebastian woke with a start and lurched up to

sitting. His blurry eyes took in Maggie, panting at
the side of the bed in jeans and a red blouse. He
attempted to focus on her. “What?”

“I said he‟s gone. Nikolai, he‟s gone.” She paced

from the bed to the shuttered window.

Sitting up next to Sebastian, Julian wiped sleep

from his eyes. “What did you say?”

“What time is it?” Confusion muddled

Sebastian‟s mind and he twisted to the clock on
the nightstand.

“It‟s almost 4:30. I‟ve already notified the

Sabbatarians  at  your  father‟s  home.  He‟ll  be
getting  an  early  waking  the  same  as  you.”
Maggie‟s  hands  came  up  to  her  forehead.  She
stopped  pacing  at  the  side  of  the  bed.  “Did  you
hear  me?”  Planting  her  hands  on  the  bedcovers,
she glared at Sebastian. “Nikolai is gone. Someone
took  him.  You  two  need  to  get  your  asses  out  of
bed. Now.”

“Oh, shit. No way.” Julian looked at Maggie,

his hair a mop of chestnut snarls. “What the fuck
happened?”

“Get dressed and meet me in the dining room.

I‟ll brief you both there.” She strode out of the
room.

Christie Gordon

With confusion still rattling his brain, Sebastian

watched Julian jump from the bed and run into
the walk-in closet. It couldn‟t be true, could it? He
must be dreaming. Yes, another bad dream.

Julian rushed out of the closet wearing jeans

and a dark hoodie. “Come on, Sebastian. Move it.”

“But, I…” He shook his head.
Julian ran to him and snatched his shoulders.

Shaking them, he said, “Snap out of it. I need you.
Nikolai needs you.”

As the realization of what was really happening

dawned on him, panic and fear rose up inside him
as if he were only a newly made vampire, as if he
were really only sixteen again. His mouth opened,
but no sound came out. Helplessness enveloped
him, threatened to strangle him. Memories flashed
through his mind, of blood and shrieks and
wounds refusing to seal, of loved ones lying dead
all around him.

“Sebastian? Come on.” Julian shook Sebastian

harder. “God damn it, what‟s wrong with you?”

“I can‟t save him. I couldn‟t save them…” His

face  twisted  and  stung  with  the  force  of  a  slap
from Julian‟s backhand. As his eyes came back to
focus  on  Julian‟s  worried  face,  a  sense  of  clarity
broke  through.  Lurching  forward,  he  grasped
Julian‟s  arm.  His  gaze  burned  with  renewed
determination. “If that bastard so much as touches
a  hair  on  his  head,  so  help  me  God,  I‟ll  rip  him

Holding On To the Past

100

open and feed his guts to the vultures while he
watches.”

A spark of a smile lit up on Julian‟s face. “That‟s

more like it. Get dressed.”

In a second, he was dressed all in black and

sitting at the head of the dining room table with
Julian on one side and Maggie on the other. “Tell
me what you know.”

Maggie rested her elbows on the table. “When I

got to the school to pick him up, he wasn‟t in line
with his class. So I parked the car and went inside.
The people in the office told me he was picked up
by his brother, a dark haired boy with dark skin,
looking to be in his teens.”

“Ramon.” Julian‟s gaze flicked from Maggie to

Sebastian. “Oh God, Ramon‟s alive. And he‟s still
human.”

Sebastian leaned forward. “But why would

they let him go off with Ramon? Didn‟t you give
them strict instructions that he should only go
home with you?”

“I did. But they said Nikolai recognized him

and told them it was all right.” She shook her
head. “Maybe I wasn‟t clear enough, maybe they
didn‟t fully understand.”

“No, Maggie.” Julian placed his hand on her

forearm. “We shouldn‟t have let him go to school
after what happened last night. It‟s my fault. I
shouldn‟t have pressed this whole school issue so

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101

much in the first place.” As he drew his hand
back, his gaze fell to his lap. “We told him not to
trust his uncles, but never said a word about his
brothers in the coven.”

“Laying blame won‟t help the situation. We

have to look forward, not behind us.” Sebastian
looked from Julian to Maggie. “Tell me more of
what we know.”

“We know he was picked up about 3 o‟clock,

which  would  have  given  him  about  a  half  hour
head start from when I found out he was missing.
I alerted our Sabbatarian guards in the local police
force  on  my  way  over  here  and  they‟ve
commenced  an  immediate  search  of  the  area
around  the  school.  I‟m  guessing  Ramon  doesn‟t
drive, so they‟d have to be on foot. The guard will
call  me  as  soon  as  they  find  something.”  She
looked directly at Sebastian. “Like I said, I alerted
the  Sabbatarians  at  your  father‟s  home  and  he
should be getting the news as we speak.”

Furrowing his brow, Julian growled. “Damn it.

It‟s going to be light until after six. I‟m going to go
crazy sitting here until then.”

Looking at Julian, Sebastian placed a hand on

his arm. “Settle down. We‟ll find him. Let me call
my father.” Sebastian pulled out his cell phone
from the front pocket of his slacks and dialed his
father. He set the phone on speaker and placed it
on the table in front of him. The phone rang twice.

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102

“Salut.”
“Salut, Tată.” His gaze flicked from the phone

to Julian and back again. “Julian and Maggie are
with me and I have you on speaker.”

“I see.” Mr. Anarti took a deep inhale. “Julian,

what do you know of this teenage boy?”

“His name is Ramon. He‟s seventeen and an

orphan from South America.” Julian let out a
sarcastic chuckle. “Well, at least I always thought
he was an orphan.” He bit his lip. “Ramon would
never hurt Nikolai. I‟m sure of that. Nikolai
always looked up to him and Ramon treated him
like a little brother. They were very close.”

“Which is why Caesar used him to get to

Nikolai,” Sebastian said through his teeth.

Mr. Anarti‟s voice came through phone. “Yes.

But this also means if we can find him before
nightfall, we will have a better chance of getting
him unharmed.”

Julian nodded once.
“I fear Caesar will use this as a ploy to draw the

two of you out. You will need to be on your
highest guard. I want you inseparable,” Mr. Anarti
said.

Sebastian‟s gaze met Julian‟s. “I do not think

that will be a problem.”

Julian took Sebastian‟s hand in his and

squeezed.

“Maggie, I want you out leading the search. If

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103

Nikolai sees you, he may respond and give
himself away,” Mr. Anarti said.

She sat forward. “Of course, sir.”
“Okay, everyone. Let‟s reconvene just before

nightfall.” Mr. Anarti‟s voice held determination.
“Julian, use this time to think of anything that may
be of use to us, anyplace they may have gone. Try
to predict Caesar‟s next move for us.”

Julian spoke at the phone. “Okay.”
Sebastian placed his finger on the end-call

button on the phone. “Goodbye, master.”

“Goodbye for now.”
Sebastian pressed the button, ending the call.

His gaze rose to meet Julian‟s. “We‟ll find him.”

Maggie stood from the table. “I have my orders.

If I hear of anything, you‟ll be the first to know.”

“Where are you going?” Julian looked up at

her.

She shrugged and shook her head. “Back to the

school.  I‟ll  start  there  and  then  make  my  way  to
any  places  they  could  have  stopped  for  food.  I
figure  Nikolai  is  always  hungry  after  school,  so
maybe  they  stopped  off  somewhere  to  get
something  to  eat.  We‟ve  already  checked  the
surrounding forest and neighborhood.”

Sebastian nodded. “Yes, that sounds like a good

place to look.”

With a forced smile, Maggie said, “I care for

Nikolai, too.”

Holding On To the Past

104

“Thank you.” Julian touched her arm.
“Talk to you soon.” She left the house.
As soon as the door shut, Julian wrapped his

arms around his head and let it fall to the table.
“This is all my fault, Sebastian.” His voice
wavered.

He moved his chair next to Julian‟s and placed

his arm around Julian‟s shoulders.

“No it is not, my angel.” He kissed the side of

Julian‟s head. “There was no way for you to know
that Caesar would resort to such treachery.”

“Yes, I did.” Julian lifted his head to gaze at

Sebastian with tear-filled eyes. “I knew how evil
he could be. He may even be worse than Nona.”

His heart ached, seeing his lover in such pain.

“But what  were we to do? Hold Nikolai prisoner
in this house? Have you not seen how much he‟s
bloomed  in  the  short  time  he‟s  been  attending
school?  He‟s  come  into  his  own.”  He  caressed
Julian‟s cheek with the back of his hand. “Sending
him  there  was  the  right  thing.  We  cannot  and
should not let fear rule our lives. This I know.”

Julian sniffled and took Sebastian‟s hand.

“What‟ll we do if they can‟t find him? What‟ll we
do if they turn him or worse?” He blinked and a
tear raced down his cheek.

“Hush now, my angel.” Sebastian drew Julian

in and held him tight. “Let‟s do as my father said
and think of what Caesar‟s next move could be.

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105

This is your time to use that knowledge of Caesar
you told me about.”

Julian nodded against Sebastian‟s shoulder.
“Let me go into the study and get my laptop.

We  can  access  the  most  recent  reports  on  your
coven  and  maybe  come  up  with  something
useful.”  He  gave  Julian  a  tight  squeeze  and
released him. “I‟ll meet you in the main room.”

Keeping his head down, Julian nodded and

rose up from the table.

He went to the study, grabbed his black laptop

and came back out to the main room, looking over
his lover sitting on the leather sofa.

Julian looked up at Sebastian as if lost.
He took a seat next to Julian and opened the

laptop up on his thighs.

The screen came to life, asking for a login and

password.

Quickly,

Sebastian

typed

the

needed

information into the keyboard and accessed the
Templar database. He clicked on file after file,
finally opening up a set of documents under a file
named Nona Coven.

Julian leaned forward and peered into the

screen, putting his body close to Sebastian‟s.

Sebastian took a deep inhale, soothing himself

with Julian‟s scent and body heat. He looked over
the document. “Hmmm, there doesn‟t seem to be
much to go on here. It looks like they‟ve found

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106

bodies in various places in the city where they‟ve
fed, but I don‟t see a pattern to it.”

Julian‟s brows furrowed. “He‟s doing that on

purpose. It‟s only a distraction.” He looked at
Sebastian. “Where was it he met and killed your
friend, Emanuel?”

A sharp pain pricked Sebastian‟s heart. He shut

it away. “They met deep in Muir woods.”

“That figures.”
“Why?” Sitting sideways, he faced Julian.
“Nona always said the forest had power, that

the forest could give vampires increased
strength.” Julian‟s gaze rose to meet with
Sebastian‟s.

A smirk sparked on Sebastian‟s lips. “But that‟s

pure rubbish.”

Julian shrugged and set his hands in his lap. “I

figured  that  out  when  I  started  living  here  with
you  in  all  these  trees.  I  sure  didn‟t  feel  any
different.”  He  shifted  on  the  couch  cushion.  “But
Caesar isn‟t all that bright up here.” He pointed to
his head. “He‟s got one of those fanatical streaks in
him. He‟d believe anything Nona told him, even if
it  was  pure  bullshit.  He‟d  defend  it  until the  day
he died.” A quick smile raced across his lips. “And
that‟s one of his biggest weaknesses. He‟s gullible
and devoted to Nona to a fault.”

Sebastian‟s gaze drew back to his computer

screen. “Nona told you all sorts of nonsense,

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didn‟t she?”

“She sure did.” Julian pursed his lips. “Looking

back, I wonder if she ever told the truth, ever.
Seems my whole life before you was one big lie.”

Reaching out, Sebastian placed his hand over

Julian‟s  and  squeezed.  “That  part  of  your  life  is
over.”  He  clicked  on  another  file  on  the  laptop
screen and a map of the Muir woods opened up.
The  woods  ran  along  the  coast  just  North  of  the
Golden Gate Bridge. There was an “X” marked in
an  area  just  off  Highway  1.  Sebastian  moved  his
cursor  over  it.  “Here  is  where  they  found
Emanuel.”  As  he  took  in  the  map,  loss  rose  up
inside him. He fought to keep it under control.

Julian looked at the map for a moment and took

a deep inhale. “I‟ll bet they‟re not far from there.
They must have found a place to hide during the
day, maybe a cave or an abandoned building or
something.”

Sebastian thought a moment. “Does Ramon

drive?”

Julian‟s eyes widened. “What?”
“Well if Ramon has Nikolai on foot, there‟s no

way they can walk all the way to Muir woods
from the school. That means they‟d still be around
here somewhere until dusk, when Caesar or some
other elder vampire can come to collect them.” He
let his gaze search Julian‟s face. “Do you think
Ramon has learned to drive?”

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Julian shook his head and looked at the

computer screen. “No, Nona never let us learn to
drive.  She  was  fearful  of  cars.  She  didn‟t
understand them.” His gaze came up to meet with
Sebastian‟s.  “Besides,  that  might  give  us  freedom
and  freedom  is  one  thing  we  weren‟t  allowed  to
have.” He sat forward. “I‟ll bet Ramon is bringing
Nikolai  to  a  place  where  they  will  meet  up  with
Caesar and the others. Do you have a list of who
escaped the attack?”

Drawing his attention back to his computer,

Sebastian  closed  the  map  and  clicked  on  another
file. “Here is the list of who we know perished and
who  we  think  fled.  These  are  all  based  on
testimony and very incomplete. As you know, we
have  no  way  of  identifying  the  remains  of  dead
vampires  except  by  their  clothing,  if  we  knew
what they were wearing at the time of death.”

Julian leaned forward and took in the list. As

his gaze travelled down the names of the
deceased, his eyes filled with tears and he bit his
lip.

“I‟m sorry, my angel. I know how hard this

must be for you to see which of your brethren are
now gone forever.” His heart ached for his lover.
How would he feel if he knew Julian was involved
in the death of scores of his own friends?

“It‟s okay.” Julian sat back and swiped his eyes

with his hands. “According to that list, there are

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still a few of the older vampires left, not quite as
old as Caesar, but old enough to be fairly
powerful and able to bring Ramon and Nikolai
back up to Muir woods on foot.”

“We need to find them before that happens.”

He closed the lid on his laptop and set it on the
wood coffee table before them. The ring of his cell
phone sounded from the dining table.

Sebastian got up, walked to the dining room

and grabbed his cell phone. Putting the phone to
his ear, he pressed the green call button. “Hello?”

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110

Chapter

Facing Fears

Sebastian? It‟s Maggie. I just wanted to let you
know that we‟ve indeed found an ice cream parlor
about a mile down the road from the school where
Ramon took Nikolai. The shop owner identified
them.”

Julian stood and came to Sebastian‟s side. With

his brows furrowed, he gazed into Sebastian‟s
face. “Did they find them?”

Sebastian held up his index finger. “Shh…”
“What?” Maggie asked.
“Nothing. Is there anything else? Do you have

any other leads?” He gripped the phone a little
tighter.

“They‟re thinking of putting out an Amber

Alert. I told them I wasn‟t so sure that‟d be a good
idea, given the situation.”

“

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111

He let out a frustrated exhale. “I think you‟re

right on that account. We don‟t need any publicity
or anyone poking around in our affairs.” He
looked at Julian, folding his arms on his chest.
“How does it really look out there?”

“Truthfully? Not good. They could be

anywhere. Without the help of something like an
Amber Alert, we don‟t have much of a chance of
finding them.”

Sudden anger broiled up inside him. “Damn

it.” He twisted around to face the wall, unable to
look at Julian. “Just keep trying.”

“We will, Sebastian. I‟ll keep in touch.”
“Thank you.” He hung up the cell phone,

stuffed it in his front pocket and turned back
around to face Julian.

“That didn‟t sound good.” Worry etched lines

around Julian‟s youthful eyes.

“It wasn‟t. Maggie thinks that finding them

before sunset is unlikely without an Amber Alert.”
He pursed his lips.

Julian shook his head and walked into the main

room, in front of the flat screen television. Raising
his hands, he asked, “What the fuck can we do?
Just sit here and wait for Caesar to come
knocking?”

He went to Julian and placed his hand on

Julian‟s shoulder.

Julian whirled around. “Call your father. I have

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112

a plan.”

He eyed Julian with suspicion. “What is it?”
“Just call him.” Julian‟s voice was stern. His

eyes blazed with anger and resolve.

He shut his eyes tight for a moment and pulled

out his cell phone to dial his father. He pressed the
speaker button and held the phone up between
them. It rang once.

“Salut.”
“Salut, Tată.” He focused on Julian. “We‟ve just

spoken with Maggie and she feels it‟s highly
unlikely they‟ll find Ramon and Nikolai before
sunset. Julian seems to have some sort of plan.”

“Okay. Go ahead Julian.”
Placing his hands on his hips, Julian spoke into

the phone. “We need to find a way to get to all of
them. Not just get Nikolai back, but put a final end
to this whole thing.” He looked directly at
Sebastian. “If Caesar is trying to get to me, then I
need to let him find me. Alone.”

“No…” He shook his head once. “I cannot

allow that.”

Julian shifted his stance and grabbed

Sebastian‟s hand holding the phone to bring it
closer to him. “GPS tracking.”

“What?” He looked at Julian with confusion

contorting his face.

“You can track someone within feet with GPS

tracking, even if there‟s no cell phone service or

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113

anything. Get me a hiking tracker and I‟ll go out to
Muir woods to find them. Or more likely, they‟ll
find—”

“Absolutely not.” Sebastian glared at Julian.
“Sebastian, let him speak,” Mr. Anarti said.
“Listen, Caesar is more likely to just come

charging out after me because he thinks I‟m well,
weak  and  an  easy  target.”  Julian  took  a  deep
inhale.  “I  can  tell  him  that  after  I  heard  what  he
said  last  night,  I  decided  to  leave  you  and  come
back  to  them.  I‟ll  tell  him  I  have  important
information  for  them  or  something.”  His  gaze
flicked to the phone and back up to Sebastian. “He
doesn‟t know we are One, right?”

“But he knows we are lovers.” Sebastian gulped

hard, trying to quell his growing fear.

“Yes, but I‟m sure Nona didn‟t get a chance to

fill him in on all of what‟s involved with coupling
with your One. You know, the special way you
become bonded. When would they have coupled?
I know it couldn‟t have been before Sebastian and
I did.”

“We believe it was right before your ceremony,

before we attacked,” Mr. Anarti said.

“Okay, so even if she told him, he never had a

chance to really experience it. He doesn‟t know for
sure that we‟re One or that I can send signals to
you through our bond.”

“So? I don‟t like this, Julian, not at all.” He

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114

ripped  the  phone  free  from  Julian‟s  grip.  Terror
made  his  heart  pound.  “Tată,  this  is  foolishness.
Please  disregard  this  conversation.  Julian  has
obviously lost his—”

“Fiu, he has something here. Let him finish.”
“But, Tată—”
“Let him finish. That is an order.” Mr. Anarti‟s

voice was gruff.

“Give me the phone, Sebastian.” Julian held his

hand out.

He stared at Julian. How could his father

entertain such an idea? How could he stand by
while his new family was in Caesar‟s clutches?
“No.” He shook his head.

“Sebastian, I gave you an order.” Anger rang

out in his father‟s voice.

Julian waved his open hand. “Give it to me.”
Furrowing his brow, he looked into the dining

room and at his beloved icons hanging from the
wall. May God and Mother Mary help us.

Stomping up to Sebastian, Julian snatched the

phone out of his grip and walked into the dining
room. He glanced back at Sebastian. “Mr. Anarti,
get me that GPS device and a silver finger-dagger.
As soon as the sun sets, I‟ll need to have someone
bring me out to Muir woods.” His gaze drew back
to Sebastian. “And leave me there for my brethren
to find me. I know how to appeal to them and I
know Caesar won‟t kill me right away. He‟ll want

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to parade me in front of all of them, especially
Nikolai. He‟ll want to shame me and use me as an
example.” He nodded. “He‟ll probably torture me,
but he‟s an idiot when it comes to technology and
the true ways of the vampire. We can use that to
our advantage so you can locate me before…”

An image of Julian, skinned and writhing in

pain filled Sebastian‟s mind. Trembling, he shook
his head. Tears stung his eyes. It was all too much.
He could lose them both.

Julian came back to Sebastian and wrapped his

arm around Sebastian‟s waist. “Your son will find
me and Nikolai. I know it.”

“As do I,” Mr. Anarti said.
Sebastian shut his eyes tight and willed the

terror in his heart to calm.

“You will have what you need as soon as the

sun sets. Leave the rest to us.” Mr. Anarti took an
audible inhale. “Sebastian, this will put an end to
it.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn‟t.
A worried look swept over Julian‟s face. He

spoke into the phone. “Talk to you later.”

“Goodbye.”
Julian hung up the phone and wrapped his

arms around Sebastian. “This will work, Sebastian.
I know it.”

Clinging to Julian, he buried his face in Julian‟s

neck. “I cannot lose you. I swear I cannot bear this.

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116

There must be another way.”

Caressing the back of Sebastian‟s head, Julian

placed a kiss on his cheek. “You can and you will.
This will all be over by tomorrow morning. You‟ll
see.” He held Sebastian tighter. “I have every faith
that you will find me. And I know Caesar, he
absolutely would not be satisfied to just kill me in
the woods.”

As he set Julian down on a dirt hiking path in

the  center  of  immense  redwood  trees  and  ferns,
Sebastian‟s nerves frayed with a fear bordering on
pure  panic.  His  gaze  took  in  the  surrounding
forest,  giving  off  a  bluish  hue  in  the  glow  of  a
crescent  moon  overhead.  The  air  was  thick  with
the scent of pine and moss, heavy with humidity
caught by the ancient woodland. The trunks of the
trees dwarfed him and Julian, being large enough
to fit a car inside their enormous trunks.

Julian kissed Sebastian‟s cheek. “I‟ll be okay,

really.”

“Shh…” Looking around them, he listened with

preternatural  hearing  for  anything  unusual,
footsteps,  crackling  of  branches,  anything  to  say
that  Caesar  was  already  out  there.  Only  the  hoot
of a faraway owl broke the still air around them. “I
don‟t hear anything,” he whispered.

“They‟re there. I know it.” Julian‟s eyes shined

out from under a black hooded shirt. He pulled

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117

out a red and black handheld GPS tracker from
the back pocket of his jeans and pushed the power
button. “Let‟s check this thing really quick. Do
you still have a cell phone signal?”

“I think so.” Keeping his senses alerted to their

surroundings, he pulled out his phone, checked
for a signal and dialed a Sabbatarian guard located
back at their house. He listened to the phone ring
a few times.

“Hello?”
“This is Sebastian. Check our location.” He kept

his voice low. The sound of keys clicking on a
keyboard came through the phone.

“I‟ve got you. It looks like you‟re on the Dipsea

Trail, almost to the Coastal View Trail.”

He peered out at a nearby trail sign, his

vampire eyes focusing in the dark. The sign said
Dipsea Trial and an arrow pointed the way to
Coastal View Trial. “Yes, that‟s right. I think we‟re
okay here. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”
“It works.” He hung up the phone and looked

at Julian for a long moment.

Julian placed the tracker back into his jeans

pocket.

Sebastian‟s heart pounded, refusing to let go of

the feeling that this wrong, all very wrong. “My
angel, I—”

Putting his index finger up to Sebastian‟s lips,

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118

Julian shushed him. “It will be okay. I promise.
Have faith in me and in yourself. I won‟t let
Caesar hurt Nikolai.”

Every fiber in his body was on edge. His hands

fisted.  His  teeth  clenched  and  unclenched.  His
body  shook.  A  storm  of  panic  rained  down  over
him,  so  tangible  he  could  taste  it.  “I,  I  cannot  do
this.  I  cannot.”  He  shook  his  head.  “It  should  be
me who is left out here, not you.”

Julian snatched both of Sebastian‟s hands and

held  them  up  between  them.  “No.  We‟ve
discussed  it  and  it‟s  better  that  it‟s  me.  I  know
them.  I  know  Caesar.  I  know  best  how  to  deal
with them. He would only kill you on the spot, the
same  as  Emanuel.  And  where  would  that  leave
us?”  His  gaze  flicked  between  Sebastian‟s  eyes.
“We‟re  connected.  Feel  our  connection.  Feel  the
love I‟m sending to you right now.”

A wave of pure devotion and warmth threaded

over his body, enveloping him like a thick blanket
on a winter‟s night. His nerves calmed. He shut
his eyes. Soft lips crushed his own in a deep kiss.

“I love you.”
“And I love you.” He opened his eyes.
“Now go.” Julian stepped away from Sebastian

with his left hand held up, showing off a silver
finger dagger, and ran off into the depths of the
ancient trees.

Reaching out in the dark after Julian, a prick of

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119

panic  flickered  over  his  heart.  The  calming  wave
came  again,  lulling  him  back  into  some  sense  of
serenity.  It  took  all  of  his  resolve,  but  he  sped
away, back to the home he shared with Julian and
Nikolai.

Sebastian strode in through the front door of his

house  to  find  his  father,  Maggie  and  a  few  other
Templars and Sabbatarians sitting in dining chairs
around the flat-screen television in the main room.
The  lamps  of  the  house  lit  the  area  in  low  light.
They‟d  connected  his  laptop  to  the  TV  and
watched Julian‟s progress through the woods on a
satellite  map.  Files  and  papers  were  strewn  all
over the coffee and dining tables.

As soon as he saw the green square depicting

his lover‟s progress, his anxiety eased. He stood
behind his father.

His father, wearing a dark suit, twisted in his

chair. “Remember to let us know exactly what
signals Julian sends you.”

“Of course, master.” He set his hands on the

back of his father‟s chair and watched for a few
minutes.

The green square headed north for a time and

took an abrupt right turn. It stopped and moved
more slowly, making a large arc.

Fear broke through to him on his connection to

Julian. His heart sped up. “Master, he is afraid.”

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His father stood and faced Sebastian. “Shall we

go in?”

The fear ebbed inside Sebastian. “No, it may be

too soon. He is sending me calm now.” He sighed
and turned away from them all. How long could
he wait? How would he know for sure when the
right time would be?

Maggie stood and came to Sebastian, still in her

jeans and red blouse. “This must be agonizing for
you.” She placed her hand on his forearm.

He looked at her. “You have no idea.” He

forced a smile. “If you‟ll excuse me, I think I‟ll
dine.”

She stepped away from him. “Of course.”
Maybe getting some blood in him would help

to  ease  his  nerves.  If  nothing  else,  it  would  give
him  extra  strength  to  rescue  Julian  and  Nikolai
when the time came.  He walked into his kitchen,
pulled  out  a  bag  of  hospital  blood  from  the
stainless refrigerator and took out a tall glass from
the dark wood cupboard overhead. As he poured
it  into  the  glass  and  set  it  in  the  microwave,
another  rush  of  fear  shoved  through  on  his
connection  to  Julian.  “Pula  mea,”  he  said  under
his  breath.  The  fear  morphed  into  a  sort  of
controlled  anxiety.  He  turned  on  the  microwave,
warming the blood.

They must have him. That would be the only

explanation for the current level of anxiety Julian

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121

sent  him.  He  pulled  out  the  blood  and  gulped  it
down, letting it slide like silk down his throat. He
didn‟t  care  to  taste  it  or  enjoy  it  tonight,  only  to
drain what strength he could from it. As he set the
warm  glass  down  on  a  black  granite  counter,  a
prick  of  alarm  and  hope  filtered  through  to  him.
“Nikolai, he must have found Nikolai.”

Sebastian walked into the main room. “Master,

I think it is almost time.”

Mr. Anarti looked up from the couch with

papers in his hand. “David, what is Julian‟s
location?”

A vampire with black cropped hair turned from

the television. “He has gone into Kent Canyon and
has been stationary for a few minutes now.”

“Sebastian, what are you feeling from him?”

His father‟s gaze roamed over him.

“I feel as if he has found something, maybe

Nikolai. He is anxious, but also there is a sense of
hope. He must have found his brethren.” As he
struggled to understand the feelings Julian sent
him, his brows furrowed. “He is not calling out to
me yet.”

“Tell the men to go on high alert,” his father

told Maggie.

“Yes, sir.” Maggie dialed her cell phone and

walked away as she put it up to her ear.

Sebastian scrubbed his face with his hands.
Mr. Anarti stepped to him and placed a hand

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122

on his arm. “I know how much discomfort you
feel with this situation.”

His gaze met his father‟s. “What if I don‟t know

when I should come? What if he is killed before I
get to him?”

“You will know.” His father squeezed

Sebastian‟s arm and let it go. “Have faith.”

A fleeting smile spread over his lips. “That is

what Julian told me.”

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Chapter

Brethren

n hour or so later, Sebastian stood staring at the
green square signaling Julian‟s location on the

television map. A silver finger dagger covered his
left index finger, ready to kill when the time came.
A steady stream of low level anxiety mixed with
anticipation came to him on his bond with Julian.
What was going on out there? What could Julian
possible be doing?

Maggie approached Sebastian. “Could be a long

night.”

He looked at her and opened his mouth to

speak. A sharp prick of panic hit his heart.
Sebastian! “It is time.” His gaze travelled the room
for his father. “Master, send out the men. Now!”

Before his father had a chance to answer, he

sped with vampire speed out the door, up the
peninsula, over the Golden Gate Bridge and into
the Muir woods.

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124

As he slowed close to the canyon, his

preternatural  hearing  took  in  movement  all
around  him.  There  were  at  least  two  dozen
Templars  approaching  a  cave  with  ferns  and
brush surrounding the opening at the bottom of a
ravine.  He  stepped  up  to  the  closest  Templar,  a
white skinned man with long red hair. “Have you
seen them?”

“No, but listen. It sounds like they are all in

there.” The red-haired Templar pointed to the
cave.

Holding out his hand to the others, Sebastian

stepped up to the cave‟s entrance.

Julian‟s voice snaked out from inside. “No, you

can‟t be serious.”

“Get on your knees, blasphemer!” Caesar‟s

voice rang out from the cave.

Whimpers from Nikolai followed.
“Let‟s go.” Sebastian raced into the cave. It

opened up into a large chamber. The remnants of
Julian‟s coven stood watching the center of the
cave.

Julian, naked and on all fours in the center of

the  chamber,  looked  up  in  fear  at  a  leather-clad
Caesar.  Bite  marks  covered  his  body,  dripping
blood. Lit candles flickered over jagged rock walls.

Growling and in a flurry of speed, Sebastian

jumped at Caesar.

“A trick!” Caesar jumped away, holding up a

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silver dagger.

As Templars rounded up the others, Sebastian

cornered Caesar. Rage swarmed inside him.
“Enough.”

Caesar slashed out at Sebastian, slicing his

forearm.

Lunging forward, he took hold of Caesar and

flung him against the hard rock wall. The wound
in his arm burned.

Caesar‟s body crunched as bones broke. With a

maniacal glare, he reared back up and charged
Sebastian with the dagger.

Using preternatural speed, Sebastian dashed

free of Caesar‟s attack. At the last moment, he
reached out for Caesar, tugging him backward.

Out of nowhere, Julian rose up, snatched

Caesar by the neck and stuck a finger dagger deep
into Caesar‟s carotid artery.

Caesar let out a blood-curdling shriek.
For a split second, Sebastian saw the vicious

vampire his lover could be. As Julian‟s gaze met
Sebastian‟s, pure menace and brutality shone
bright in his eyes.

Panting, Julian shoved Caesar‟s dying body

away from him and Sebastian. Quickly, he slashed
his wrist and held it over the wound in Sebastian‟s
arm.

The sting of healing lit up Sebastian‟s forearm.

As it sealed and left a scar, he grimaced and

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126

winced.

Caesar stumbled, grabbed at his neck and fell to

the dirt floor of the cave. All around him, chaos
grew silent as each of Julian‟s brethren watched
their leader succumb to death.

The veins of Caesar‟s body turned silver. The

flesh dried and went black. Finally, it fell into ash.
Only Caesar‟s clothes and the dagger remained.

Sebastian wrapped his arms around a still-

naked and trembling Julian. “It is over, my angel.”

Julian‟s eyes filled with tears. He bit his lip in

defiance. All the bite marks on his body had
healed.

A dark-haired boy with equally dark skin

approached Julian and Sebastian and handed him
a pile of clothes, Julian‟s clothes. His large eyes
looked up at Julian as if afraid.

“Are you Ramon?” Sebastian took the clothes.
The boy nodded and stepped back.
Sebastian turned to his lover, handing the

clothes to him. “Here. Do you need help?”

“No,” Julian mumbled. He took the clothing

and dressed.

There were almost thirty in all, young-looking

vampires full of grime and wearing filthy clothes.
They looked lost, all of them, and defeated. The
Templars kept them in order, their silver daggers
drawn.

Sebastian scanned the crowd. “Nikolai?”

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“Uncle Sebastian?” Nikolai stepped out from

behind taller vampires in his navy-blue school
uniform.

Sebastian ran to him and picked him up.

Swirling him around, he held him tight to his
chest. “Oh thank God you are safe.”

“I was scared. I didn‟t know if it was safe to

come out yet.” Nikolai‟s hands fisted on the back
of Sebastian‟s black shirt.

“It is all right, little one. We are all safe now.”
“Even Ramon?”
His gaze found Ramon, watching them with

wide eyes. “Yes, even Ramon.”

“„Cause he was scared you and Julian were

going to hurt him for bringing me here. He felt
really bad after Caesar started to hurt Uncle
Julian.”

“I see.” He kept his gaze affixed to Ramon and

let Nikolai down.

Julian rushed Nikolai and crouching down,

gave him a fierce hug. “I‟m so glad you stayed
safe in the spot I told you about.”

“I did just what you told me this time.” Nikolai

smiled at Julian.

Julian looked up at Sebastian. “I need to speak

to my brethren.”

“Of course. Go ahead.” He took Nikolai‟s hand

and turned to the crowd of vampires.

Julian stood up and pulled at the hem of his

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128

dark hoodie. He cleared his throat. “Attention, all
of my queen‟s brethren.”

Everyone went silent and focused on Julian.
“Everything our queen and Caesar have told

you is false. The way we lived our lives in our
coven is against Templar and Sabbatarian law and
is

wrong.

need

embrace

the

Commandments and live under the rule of the
Templars.”

“But the Templars are weak and ruled by

vampire hunters,” someone in the crowd shouted
out.

Julian‟s brows furrowed. “No, they‟re not. The

vampire  hunters,  the  Sabbatarians,  are  now
working  together  with  the  Templars  so  that  we
may  live  out  our  lives  in  peace  and  in  harmony
with  humans.”  He  looked  through  the  crowd.
“There are many things you don‟t yet know about
what  our  queen  did,  many  hurtful  things.  All  of
this  will  be  revealed  to  you.  If  you  agree  to  live
under  the  Templar  and  Sabbatarian  law,  you  can
be truly free.”

“Free?” Ramon asked from the front of the

crowd.

Julian stepped toward Ramon and focused on

him. “Yes, Ramon. And if you don‟t want to be a
vampire, you don‟t have to be. You can remain
human and live a normal life. Maybe even join the
Sabbatarians.” He looked at Sebastian. “Right,

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129

Sebastian?”

Smiling at Ramon, Sebastian nodded. “That‟s

right.”

Julian held his palms up. “Because becoming a

vampire is a choice, not forced under Templar
law.”

Ramon searched around him. “But what if I

want to become a vampire? Who will make me
one now?”

“I will.” Sebastian stepped forward. “I am very

capable of the task. But I want you to be sure and
you must wait until you are eighteen.”

Ramon‟s shoulders relaxed and he gave

Sebastian a quick nod.

Sebastian looked at the crowd. “If there are no

more questions for Julian here, please go with
these Templars and they will house and feed you
until other arrangements can be made.”

The Templars moved Julian‟s brethren from the

cave.

“Let‟s go home now, my angel.” Sebastian took

Julian‟s hand in his.

Sebastian slowed at their home with Julian on

his  back  and  Nikolai  in  his  arms.  He  set  them
down  on  the  front  lawn  amongst  tall  redwoods
and  sighed.  “At  last  we  have  nothing  more  to
fear.”

With a smirk, Julian gazed at Sebastian. “Except

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130

Nikolai having a play date or maybe turning into a
teenager.”

As he walked toward the house, Sebastian

smiled the first true smile he‟d had in a long
while. “Those sound like great things to fear.
When is that play date again?”

“Next Saturday.” Nikolai walked hand in hand

with Julian.

“We‟ll be ready, little one.” He ruffled Nikolai‟s

blond hair.

The door opened and his father stepped out.

“You are unharmed?”

Sebastian stepped to his father, gave him a

quick hug and kissed him on both cheeks.
“Mostly.” He held up his arm and pulled back the
black sleeve of his shirt. “Just a scar that will heal
in time with more of Julian‟s blood.”

Julian and Nikolai stood next to Sebastian and

his father on the front porch. “You still have to
heal this scar on my neck.” He tilted his head and
moved his long hair to the side.

Mr. Anarti looked closely at Julian‟s neck. “That

is a bad one.”

Maggie trotted out of the house and pulled

Nikolai into her side. “Thank God you‟re safe.”

As Maggie let him go, excitement radiated from

Nikolai‟s face. “It was really scary, Miss Maggie,
but Sebastian is a really strong vampire and he
took care of Uncle Caesar.”

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131

“Well, no, actually Uncle Julian took care of

Caesar.” Sebastian beamed at his lover.

Julian stood a little taller. “And God that felt

good.”

Maggie leaned down to Nikolai‟s level. “Let

this be a lesson to you, Nikolai. When we tell you
not to go home with anyone but us from school,
then there‟s good reason for it.”

Nikolai‟s gaze dropped to the cement floor on

the porch. “I know. I‟m sorry. I was just so excited
to see Ramon…”

Sebastian placed his hand on Nikolai‟s

shoulder. “It‟s all right, little one. Just be wary of
such things in the future.”

Mr. Anarti shifted his stance. “Maggie, I think

it‟s time for us to go.”

A wide smile spread over Maggie‟s lips. “Yep.

I‟ll see you both at the next meeting.” She walked
down the steps and toward a white Nissan Ultima
sitting in the driveway and waved at them. “Bye.”

Sebastian, Julian and Nikolai waved back. In

unison, they said, “Bye.”

“See you soon, fiu.” Mr. Anarti kissed both of

his son‟s cheeks. “And you.” He kissed Julian‟s
cheeks. “And you, little one.” He kissed the top of
Nikolai‟s head and vanished as he sped off.

Sebastian turned to Julian. “Let‟s get Nikolai to

bed.”

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132

Sebastian sat at the leather couch in the main

room  of  the  house,  sipping  Julian‟s  blood  from  a
fat wine glass. The room was lit in a low light from
the nearby torchiere lamp and a candle burned on
the  dark  wood  coffee  table  in  front  of  him.  The
television screen was black and all the electronics
turned  off.  It  was  as  if  the  night  of  having
Templars  and  Sabbatarians  in  their  home  never
happened.  He  took  in  his  lover,  seated  next  to
him. “Please, tell me what happened.”

Julian swirled Sebastian‟s blood in his wine

glass and took a sip. His eyes closed as the blood
moved down his throat. “Are you sure you want
to know?”

“Yes.” The sight of Julian on all fours, naked

and bleeding, flashed through his mind. Rage
threatened to surface. “Why were you unclothed?”
His voice was low.

Julian drew in a deep breath. “Like I told you,

he  wanted  to  shame  me.  A  few  of  the  younger
chevaliers  found  me  immediately.  They  bought
my  story  of  wanting  to  return  to  them  and  took
me to Caesar, no questions asked. It seems the lack
of  freedom  Nona  gave  them  made  them  a  bit
dense.”  Holding  up  the  wine  glass,  he  eyed
Sebastian‟s blood.

“And so?” He took another sip of blood, letting

it calm his anger.

Julian‟s gaze met Sebastian‟s. “And so, when

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133

Caesar saw he had me, he punished me. He made
me strip naked and said terrible things about me,
about  our  love,  and  let  the  chevalier‟s  drink  my
blood.” He looked away for a moment. “It was a
frenzy,  everyone  drinking  from  me  all  at  once.  I
did  my  best  to  hide  that  part  of  it  from  you.  I
didn‟t want you rushing in too soon.”

Sebastian placed his hand on Julian‟s thigh. “I

heard you say, you can’t be serious. Did they—”

“No, they didn‟t.” Julian bit his lip. “I think he

was prepping me for it, making me get down on
all fours and asking me to spread my legs out
wide.” He visibly shivered.

Furrowing his brows, Sebastian took in Julian‟s

meaning. “He would do that, even with Nikolai
present?”

“Yes.” Julian nodded and twisted to look away

from Sebastian.

Leaning forward, Sebastian set his wine glass

next  to  the  newspaper  on  the  table.  He  took
Julian‟s from him and set it down next to his own
and gathered Julian up in his arms. He pressed his
nose  into  Julian‟s  hair  and  inhaled,  taking  in  the
forest  scent  still  lingering  on  him.  “I  swear  I  will
never let you do something so foolish again.”

“It had to be done, Sebastian.” Julian‟s voice

was soft.

He held Julian tighter. “I‟m not so sure and I

surely do not like it.”

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134

Julian tucked his head into Sebastian‟s chest.

“It‟s over. Let‟s forget about it and move on. Kiss
me.” He lifted his face to Sebastian.

He placed a hungry kiss on Julian‟s lips. How

good it felt to have him in his arms, to have him
safe.

Julian repositioned himself on his knees over

Sebastian‟s lap. While kissing Sebastian‟s mouth,
he shimmied his hips in close and rocked into
Sebastian‟s stomach.

The hardness of Julian‟s cock pressed into

Sebastian. “You want me, my angel?”

“Do you have to ask?” Julian‟s breathing

quickened  and  a  needy  moan  escaped  his  lips.
With  his  hands  on  either  side  of  Sebastian‟s  face,
he  gave  him  heated  kisses,  opening  his  mouth,
probing  and  flicking  inside  Sebastian‟s  mouth
with his tongue.

Sebastian‟s cock hardened and ached. His

hands ran up and down Julian‟s back and rested
on his buttocks, pulling Julian‟s hips snug against
him, heightening the friction.

Julian left Sebastian‟s mouth and kissed down

his neck, nipping at the soft flesh. His fangs
pierced the skin.

As a pinprick of pain radiated from his neck,

Sebastian let out a short gasp. One hand felt
around Julian‟s hips to his hard cock and rubbed
over it with his palm, pinching at the tip.

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135

Julian licked at Sebastian‟s blood and let out a

soft groan. His hips rocked in time with
Sebastian‟s fondling. He bit again into Sebastian‟s
neck and teased the wound with his tongue.

An unbearable hunger grew within Sebastian.

His erection twitched and ached for contact. His
fangs bared. His hips thrust up. His hands came
around to unfasten his Julian‟s jeans and his own
slacks, freeing both their cocks.

Julian shifted over Sebastian, setting his seeping

cock over Sebastian‟s, still toying with Sebastian‟s
blood.

Sebastian slicked a hand with saliva, grasped

both their swollen cocks and pumped. Raw
pleasure engulfed him. Julian‟s erection twitched
in his hand.

Julian let out a soft cry against Sebastian‟s neck.

“I‟m  close  already.”  He  sat  up  in  Sebastian‟s  lap,
looking  down  at  him  with  lust  hooding  his  eyes.
His  hair  fell  all  around  his  broad  shoulders  and
his mouth parted in a purely sensual way.

Sebastian continued stroking their cocks.

Sensitivity heightened in his groin.

Tilting his head back, Julian‟s eyes closed and

he bit his lip. “I‟m serious, Sebastian. I‟m going to
cum if you don‟t stop.”

How beautiful my angel is. Sebastian slowed his

hand and squeezed. “Take off your shirt.”

Opening his eyes, Julian removed his shirt and

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136

threw it to the floor.

Sebastian drew Julian toward him. Baring his

fangs, he bit around Julian‟s nipple and sucked in
the delicious elixir of blood. He pumped their
cocks again.

Julian cried out. His hands planted on

Sebastian‟s shoulder and shoved. “Stop.”

Looking up at his lover, Sebastian licked the

remnants of blood from his mouth and smirked.
“Too much, my angel?”

Panting, Julian nodded. He climbed off of the

couch,  stood  before  Sebastian  and  took  off  his
jeans.  His  erection  stood  tall  and  curved  upward
almost  to  his  navel.  “Fuck  me.”  One  side  of  his
lips curled upward.

Keeping his gaze affixed to Julian‟s, Sebastian

rose up from the couch, dropped his slacks,
stepped out of them and wrapped Julian up in his
arms. He placed heated kisses on Julian‟s lips and
neck while backing him up to the front door.

Julian‟s back hit the wall. Holding onto

Sebastian‟s shoulders, his legs lifted up around
Sebastian‟s waist, exposing his passage to
Sebastian‟s large cock.

Sebastian spit in his hand and came down to

slick Julian‟s entrance. He pushed a finger inside
and stroked.

Julian‟s eyes shut and a sensual groan ripped

from his throat. “Oh, God…”

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137

Sebastian spit again on his fingers and dropped

his  hand  to  slather  his  cock,  stroking  it  and
swirling over the head. Intense pulses raced up his
spine.  His  hips  rocked  of  their  own  accord,
pressing  the  head  against  Julian‟s  opening.  Short
moans, one after another, escaped from him.

Julian kissed under Sebastian‟s collar, on his

neck and sunk his fangs into Sebastian‟s flesh.

Momentary pain melded with the pleasure

coursing through Sebastian‟s body. With a sharp
gasp, he plunged his cock into Julian.

Julian moaned against Sebastian‟s flesh. His

cock dribbled pre-seed onto his groin.

Thrusting in and out of Julian, Sebastian bit into

Julian‟s  shoulder  and  sucked  hard.  Sweet  blood
flooded  his  mouth.  The  rhythm  of  his  heartbeat
switched  to  match  Julian‟s.  As  sensitivity
heightened, he struggled to keep his climax at bay.
While  one  arm  held  Julian,  the  other  came
between them to stroke Julian‟s seeping cock.

Julian‟s body trembled. His cock pulsed in

Sebastian‟s hand. With an urgent groan, his seed
spurted up between them onto his stomach and
Sebastian‟s shirt.

Julian‟s body contracted around Sebastian‟s

erection. The sweet pulses sent him over the edge.
His climax came on harsh and insistent. He let out
another sharp gasp. Sensitivity sky rocketed and
his seed shot into his lover‟s passage, slickening it

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138

even more. With each delicious contraction, his
knees grew weak. His toes curled.

Hugging tight to Sebastian‟s body, Julian drew

his fangs out of Sebastian‟s neck.

Everything slowed and Sebastian released

Julian‟s shoulder and spent cock. Fighting to hold
them both up, he removed his waning erection
from Julian‟s passage.

Julian dropped his legs to stand before

Sebastian. He gazed up into Sebastian‟s eyes.
“Holy shit, I needed that.”

He gave Julian a soft smile. “As did I, my

angel.”

Julian stepped toward the couch and turned

around. “Sebastian?”

“Yes?”
“Thank you for having faith in me. For letting

me go and do what had to be done.”

He walked to Julian. “Of course.”
Julian placed his hand on Sebastian‟s arm. “No,

I really mean it. I know how incredibly difficult it
must  have  been  for  you,  after  standing  by  while
your  family  died.  And  then  to  think  you  had  to
stand  by  and  watch  while  Nikolai  and  I  were  in
such a dangerous situation. It really tells me how
much  faith  you  have  in  my  abilities.”  His  brows
furrowed and he looked at rug covering the wood
floor. “Sometimes I guess I feel weak around you.”

Sebastian‟s heart ached for Julian. Grabbing

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Julian‟s arms, he gave him a slight shake. “You are
not weak, my angel. To have endured what you
have for all those years has indeed made you very
strong.”

Julian‟s gaze rose to meet Sebastian‟s.
“In some ways, you are stronger than I.” He

gave Julian a lingering kiss. “In many ways, you
are stronger than I.”

A faint smile grew on Julian‟s lips. “I love you.”
He gave Julian a full-on smile. “And I love

you.”

Julian‟s gaze travelled to the entryway. He

pointed to little droplets on the wood floor left
over from their lovemaking. “We better clean that
up.”

He let out a small chuckle. “Yes, we better.”

Still  in  only  his  shirt,  he  walked  off  into  the
kitchen, grabbed a paper towel and wet it. When
he  came  back,  Julian  held  the  newspaper  in  his
hand.

“Have you seen this?” Julian, dressed in his

jeans, held the paper up.

Sebastian shook his head. “No, I haven‟t had a

chance with all that went on today.” Peering at the
paper, he stepped toward Julian.

Julian shifted the paper so he could see it better.

“It says, Grand Opening, Pride Hardware comes to the
Bay Area from the swamps of Louisiana.”

A moment of panic fluttered Sebastian‟s heart.

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140

His  breath  stopped.  “What?”  He  strode  to  Julian
and  snatched  the  newspaper.  He  looked  over  a
half-page  ad  on  the  bottom  of  the  front  page
depicting a brick hardware store with a sign over
top  saying,  Pride  Hardware.  The  caption  read
exactly as Julian had said. “I, I don‟t know what to
think of this.”

“It means my family must be around here

somewhere.” He gazed with wide eyes at
Sebastian.

“Maybe. Or maybe just people who work for

the company are here.” He dropped the paper
onto the coffee table.

“I‟m sure someone from my family is here.”

Julian looked around the room as if lost. His gaze
came back to Sebastian. “I have to find out. I can‟t
just sit here.”

About the Author

Christie  Gordon  writes  and  draws  among  the
beautiful  sunsets  and  red  rocks  of  Arizona.  She
lives  with  a  menagerie  of  pets  and  children  who
make  sure her life never has a dull moment. Her
love of Japanese anime and rock music frequently
becomes  her  muse  for  the  stories  of  male/male
love  she  adores  writing.  For  information  on  her
and  her  work,  please  visit  her  website  at:
www.christiegordon.com