What They Say About Love - 1
What They Say About Love - 1
What They Say About Love
By Alexi Silversmith
ONE
"Beth." James sighed tiredly. "It's not you. It's me."
Beth stared back at him from the other side of the
beautifully laid table with its red rose centerpiece.
Around them, the low-voiced conversations and discreet
clinking of silverware that characterized the swishy
French restaurant carried on as if nothing had happened,
but in the bubble of silence that surrounded James' table
for two, someone's heart had just been crushed. James
was sickeningly aware that it wasn't his.
"Seriously?" Beth said. "That's it? That's the best you
could come up with?"
"I'm sorry--" James began again, but this time Beth
didn't let him finish.
"You already said that five times, but I still don't know
what the hell is going on." Beth's voice rose on the last
few words, and people at the tables around them began
to glance in their direction, faces displaying either
annoyance or curiosity.
James cringed, raking his fingers through his unruly
dark hair, but before he could think of anything to say to
soothe Beth, she continued.
"It's Valentine's Day, you invited me to an expensive
restaurant and I got all dressed up -- I bought new shoes,
Goddamn it -- and it was all so you could tell me It's not
What They Say About Love - 2
you, it's me? I thought you were going to propose! What
happened? Did you--" She gulped, then carried on
bravely. "Did you meet someone else?"
"No!" James stopped looking at the other diners and
gave Beth his full attention. It was the first time he'd
bothered in about a year, he realized, and that made him
feel guiltier than ever. "I wouldn't ever cheat on you,
you know that. There isn't anyone else, it's just--"
"Just what? Tell me. Whatever is wrong, I'm there for
you, James. Don't push me away." Beth leaned over the
table, making the smooth waves of her blonde hair
swing forward. James could see hope still lighting her
eyes and took a deep breath. He needed to do this
properly.
"I don't love you. I like you and I care about you, but it
isn't love. It never was."
Beth flinched as if he had hit her, turning her face away.
As James stared at her profile, she opened her mouth,
shut it with a snap, then stood up so suddenly that her
chair crashed to the polished wood floor. More eyes
turned in their direction. Some of them locked
admiringly onto Beth's curvy little body, snugly encased
in a short, tight black dress.
James took in the familiar sight and knew he had made
the right decision. Even though her breasts were nearly
popping out of the low neckline, and even though her
skirt exposed beautifully toned legs, there wasn't a
flicker of interest from his cock. It felt like looking at a
statue. He could appreciate it without wanting to have
sex with it for a single second.
What They Say About Love - 3
"Fuck you," Beth said quietly. "I wish we'd never met."
She grabbed her clutch bag from the table and walked
out of the restaurant, head held high, leaving James to
wearily put his face in his hands. He tried to ignore the
muffled laughter and the interested whispering that rose
from the tables around him. He'd screwed that up pretty
damn well.
But then, he'd screwed his life up pretty damn well, too.
Not to mention Beth's life -- and she didn't deserve it,
even if he did.
Things had been going just as they were supposed to.
His IT consulting business, Stone McKinley Solutions,
was in its fourth year and in the black. He had a nice
house, a loving family, and a girlfriend who made his
friends wolf-whistle whenever she entered a room. He'd
accomplished everything he set out to do by his thirtieth
birthday, and Beth was right -- when he'd booked this
table for tonight, he had planned to ask her to be his
wife. He'd even bought the ring. He had everything
planned.
Then he'd sat down opposite his gorgeous girlfriend, in a
romantic setting, on what was supposed to be the best
night of his life, and come face to face with one vital
fact.
He was miserable.
His brain had lit up like the Fourth of July with the
realization that this was wrong. Everything. The
restaurant, the ring, even his damn tasteful charcoal suit
What They Say About Love - 4
was a horrible mistake. Yes, he wanted more than
anything to settle down and build a life. But not with
Beth.
In fact, he admitted to himself now, something had been
wrong for a long time. So long that he'd almost stopped
noticing. In the summer, he'd told himself he was tired
and too busy. In the winter, he'd told himself it was lack
of sunlight. When things were tough at work, he blamed
it on that. When things went well in the office, he
blamed it on having a fight with Beth -- even when he
had to pick a fight for that to make sense. Lack of
exercise, too much red meat, not enough red meat.
Excuse after excuse.
Then, tonight, his hand had gone to his pocket and
brushed the little velvet box, and a sense of such deep
and overwhelming horror had surged through his body
that he felt as if he was going to be sick. His stomach
was still churning.
So he'd broken Beth's heart on Valentine's Day.
He was a complete and utter bastard. The most relieved
bastard in the world. Thank God he had realized in time.
"Sir?"
James blinked and looked up to see a white-tuxedoed
waiter. The younger man's tanned, handsome face was
carefully blank, and James knew he had witnessed the
scene with Beth and was wondering whether James was
going to add to the fireworks.
What They Say About Love - 5
"Are you... ready to order?" The waiter quirked an
inquiring eyebrow over a deep blue eye -- nearly the
same color as James' own -- and James' cock leaped to
attention.
Jesus, how far gone was he when all it took was a Roger
Moore eyebrow quirk to give him a hard on? James
cleared his throat and reached for his wallet, covertly
adjusting his crotch as he did so. He pulled out two
twenties and threw them down on the table, then stood.
"No, thanks. I don't feel like eating alone."
The waiter gave him a discreet but thorough once over
and then met his eyes again. "I don't blame you, sir."
James just barely kept himself from backing away. No,
no, no. No way was he ready for this. Well, his crotch
was, but the rest of him needed a little more time.
Especially since he'd booked this table in his own name,
and there might be people here who knew him.
He nodded to the waiter curtly and then walked out of
the restaurant to collect his Mercedes.
He was waiting at a red light on Masen Street when his
phone -- which he had automatically put in the hands-
free holder on the dash when he got in -- chirped.
"Hey, Jamie." The deep, slightly accented voice of his
business partner and best friend Ethan Stone filled the
leather-scented interior of the car. Ethan came from
England originally, and although he had lived in the
U.S. for over fifteen years, the accent had never quite
faded. James squirmed, his fingers going white on the
What They Say About Love - 6
steering wheel as he pictured the other man's handsome
face, with its short blond hair and mesmerizing gray
eyes.
It took a real effort to keep his voice even as he replied,
"Hey, Ethe. What's up?"
"That's what I was about to ask you" Ethan said. "I've
had Beth on the phone for the last ten minutes. What the
fuck happened tonight?"
James winced, his unruly erection wilting. Well, that
might be handy the next time Ethan's deep, gravelly
voice gave him an inconvenient reaction in a business
meeting. Just think about Beth and abracadabra...
"Didn't she tell you?" he hedged.
"Er, no. I couldn't get much sense out of her. From what
I could make out she thought you'd either had a nervous
breakdown or started taking drugs. She wanted to come
over to my place to talk about staging an intervention on
you. When I didn't go for that idea, she hung up. Did
you lose it and bend her over the dessert trolley or
what?"
A reluctant laugh broke out of James throat. "No. I...
broke up with her."
There was a long silence. "You broke up with Beth."
It wasn't phrased as a question, but James answered
anyway. "Yes."
"Why?"
What They Say About Love - 7
The word was toneless, but James was sure he wasn't
imagining the disapproval.
"It wasn't right between us, Ethe. I tried my best, but I
haven't been happy with her for a long time." Not since I
realized I wanted you to fuck me more than I wanted to
fuck Beth, he added silently. Good God, he was going to
hell. But he'd tried denying it and look what that had
gotten him. Two years wasted, an ex-girlfriend who
thought he was certifiable -- she might even be right --
and a butt-load of guilt and bad feeling. Once again, he
shook his head. He regretted everything except finally
having the courage to break it off.
There was another silence. Then Ethan shouted, "YES!"
James almost swerved into oncoming traffic. "What the
hell, man?"
"Jesus, I thought you'd never wake up!" Ethan said more
quietly. "I don't want to badmouth Beth, she's a great
girl, but anyone with half a brain could see you were just
going through the motions. I definitely did not want to
be a best man at your wedding knowing that."
"Oh." James blinked. "Right."
"Are you okay? You sound kinda shaken up. You want
me to come around with a quart of whisky and some
porn?"
James snorted again. That was Ethan. No matter what
James was going through, Ethan could always make him
What They Say About Love - 8
laugh. "Ah, no, I'll be fine. Besides, didn't you have a
red-hot date tonight?"
"Yes, but I'll blow it off if you need me, Jamie, you
know that." Ethan's voice was full of compassion, and
James' cock perked up again. Damn.
"Thanks, man, but I'm really okay. Just feeling guilty
and relieved. And guilty that I'm so relieved. I'll get over
it. See you at the party tomorrow."
"Okay. Give me a call if you change your mind."
"Will do."
There was another pause. James waited for the click, but
instead there was a noise that might have been a sigh,
and Ethan said quietly, "You did the right thing."
James swallowed. "Thanks."
The line went dead.
"Fuck," James said to thin air.
Five minutes later, he pulled into the driveway of his
townhouse. He put the car in the garage and walked into
the house, stripping as he went. He toed his shoes off in
the kitchen, left his tie in the hall, flung his jacket and
shirt off on the way up the stairs, and got rid of his
pants, boxers, and socks seconds before he stepped into
the shower.
What They Say About Love - 9
The hard on that Ethan's voice had created was still
going strong, especially went James remembered that
exultant "Yes!"
Would Ethan sound like that when he came? If he was
buried deep inside James' ass, rutting, fucking him deep
and hard? Would he shout out as he filled James with
spunk?
"Oh, God," James moaned, letting the hot water batter
down on his painfully hard cock and grabbing a handful
of Beth's conditioner. Half the scent-free lotion went on
his cock, the rest he smeared over his ass as he eased a
finger inside himself. He had been doing this a lot lately,
even though it made him feel vaguely ashamed
afterward. Right now, he didn't care.
He clenched his muscles around the intrusion of his
finger and yanked hard on his cock, and in five seconds
he was coming all over the tile, hot gushes of come that
were like nothing he'd ever felt when he was with a
woman.
Afterward, he staggered out of the shower, dried himself
off, and sat down on the edge of his bed. The pink pot of
moisturizer and the hairbrush that Beth had left on the
nightstand the last time she stayed over caught his eye,
and he sighed.
He didn't consider himself gay. Not really. James had
experimented in college -- discreetly -- and figured out
that he was probably bisexual. Well, they said that deep
down most people were, right? After a couple of
threesomes with an inventive girlfriend, he'd known that
he found guys attractive sexually -- he'd even fucked
What They Say About Love - 10
one once -- but decided that, overall, he was more
interested in women.
Since that was the case, it seemed pointless to "come
out" to anyone. He'd fully intended to get married to a
woman and have kids and a normal, happy life. Ethan
laughed at him and called him the last romantic, but
what was wrong with wanting to love someone and have
them love him back? What was wrong with a house in
the suburbs and kids? That was the American Dream,
wasn't it?
He fell back onto the bed with a groan. Oh, who was he
kidding? He'd been a coward. He hadn't wanted to face
his friends and his family with the revelation that he
swung both ways. It wasn't that his family were bigots.
Not his mother or his sister, anyway. They were pretty
open-minded. His sister even read those Japanese
comics with boys having sex in them, despite her
husband making fun of her for it. His father mocked
effeminate men on TV, but had been horrified by a gay
bashing that had happened when James was at school.
But how would any of them react if it turned out that
James, the only son, was what his father laughingly
called "a creampuff"? That might change all their minds
pretty quick.
And then there had been James' friends. Straight as a
yardstick, the whole bunch. Especially Ethan. Ethan was
the number one playboy everywhere he went, nailing
anything in a skirt, and with a collection of porn that
made him a living legend.
James had not been able to imagine Ethan's reaction to
finding out his best friend was gay. He hadn't wanted to.
What They Say About Love - 11
The truth was that he'd loved fucking that guy -- a guy
whose face and name he remembered to this day -- so
much that it scared him. He'd seen all his plans, his
place in his family, and his world slipping away. So
afterward, he'd steered clear of men. At first, it hadn't
seemed that big of a deal. He wasn't really missing out
on anything. He'd gone through a few girlfriends, sure,
but what successful, reasonably good-looking guy
didn't? He just hadn't met The One yet.
It was only over the past couple of years -- since he met
Beth, since everyone started needling him about it being
time to settle down, since he'd started to imagine that
"normal" life with a wife and two kids and a fucking
dog, for God's sake -- that he'd started to feel trapped.
As if his dream was a nightmare instead.
And then one day, when they were working late, Ethan
had leaned over his shoulder to point out some stats on
James' computer display and everything had gone to
hell.
James had felt Ethan's warm, muscled back against his,
the moist breath on the back of his neck, and, breathing
in the musky, male scent of his friend, he had known.
This was what he wanted. He wanted a man behind him,
pressing up against him, holding him. He wanted what
he had always been too afraid to try before: a man
fucking him.
Specifically, Ethan.
James rubbed his hands over his face. Ignoring it hadn't
worked. Time to face the truth. It didn't matter if he
What They Say About Love - 12
called himself gay or bi. Right now, he didn't want a
woman. He wanted his best friend. But that wasn't going
to happen, so, breaking it down to the basics, he wanted
a man. He wanted to be fucked by a man. He wasn't sure
if it was just about sex or something more -- he was
pretty sure he wasn't ready for a relationship with a guy,
but either way, he needed to stop acting like a whiny
little bitch and take action.
He sat up as an idea took root. Gay guys had this
worked out, right? He'd seen a few episodes of Queer as
Folk. If you looked right and gave out the signals, you
could walk into a gay bar and get laid within minutes.
No questions. No names exchanged. No fuss. If he didn't
like it, he walked out -- a little bow-legged, sure, but
none the worse for wear -- and could put all this doubt
behind him. If he did like it... well, then he'd have gotten
rid of his ass virginity and could start to reconsider his
options for the future.
He glanced at his digital clock with growing excitement.
It was only nine p.m. The bars downtown would just be
opening, filling up with horny, single, gay men who
wanted some company on Valentine's Day. James could
oblige.
James stood and went to the full-length mirror that Beth
had put in a few weeks ago. He had a good body. He
was just under six feet, not ripped, but toned, with good
definition on his arms and abs. When you worked the
long office hours he did, you had to get to the gym
unless you wanted to end up looking like Jabba the Hut.
What was the first thing James noticed about another
man? Ass, definitely ass.
What They Say About Love - 13
He turned, craning a look over his shoulder. Huh.
Looked good to him. He had a decent-sized cock, too.
Maybe he was a bit older than the average guy trolling
for sex, but there had to be some men who wanted a
more mature partner, and overall he was pretty good
looking. The trick would be to shout "available" so that
people would approach him, because chances were that
if he had to take the initiative, he'd end up sitting in a
corner all night nursing a single beer.
He opened his wardrobe. What did he own that shouted
"available"? Not much, at first look. On one side were
the clothes he had bought for himself: worn jeans, T-
shirts and sweaters, sneakers, boots. On the other were
the clothes that Beth had bought for him: suits, crisp
shirts, ties, and dress shoes, so that he would look good
when he met the other partners at her law firm and her
ridiculously wealthy parents. Wait, where were those
pants his ex-girlfriend had given him a few years ago?
That had been Anna. They'd broken up a month later,
and he'd never worn them. He rooted out the smooth,
soft leather pants and pulled them on with difficulty,
sucking his stomach in to get the snap fastened.
He looked at his ass again. Holy crap. That definitely
shouted something. Possibly "charges by the hour."
There was no way he could put underwear on beneath
them. For a minute, he wavered. Did he really want to
go out in public looking like this? What if someone he
knew saw him?
Then his resolve firmed. No one he knew was going to
see him. That was the point of the experiment. He was
going to a gay bar, for God's sake. The only people who
were going to look at his ass would be checking it out.
What They Say About Love - 14
Man up, McKinley, he told himself. Ass is good.
The pants were black, so he put on black boots and then
chose a thin linen shirt. Normally he'd have put an
undershirt on with this one, to hide his nipples, but
tonight... well, nipples were good, too. He buttoned it
up, looked at himself, then unbuttoned it halfway. Chest
was good as well. He'd worked out for it; he might as
well show it off. In that spirit, he didn't bother trying to
tuck the shirt in.
His eyes strayed back to that little pink pot on the
nightstand. He knew full well that in the drawer
underneath, Beth had left a tangle of cosmetics. He had
a flashback to Finn -- the guy he'd had sex with in
college -- and the smudgy black eye-liner the other man
had worn. Finn had jokingly told James that the make-
up was his "armor." Maybe...
When James pulled the drawer open, there was a black
eye-liner pencil lying right there, on the top. Okay, that
had to be a sign. Poking his tongue out with the effort
not to gouge his eye, he applied a thick line of the
cosmetic to his eyelid, just above the dark lashes. Then
he carefully smudged it with his pinkie and rubbed the
leftover color onto his lower lash line.
He stepped back to look at himself properly. It took a
moment for it to sink in but... damn. He was hot. Like,
the kind of guy that James would secretly have been
checking out on the street hot. Who knew that tight
pants, a see-through shirt, and some make-up could turn
him into a grade-A hottie? He felt a surge of exhilaration
-- as strong as the sense of dread from earlier -- that
What They Say About Love - 15
made him feel almost drunk. He was going to get laid
tonight. No. He was going to get fucked.
In a hurry now, James tossed the pencil back in the
drawer and picked up his wallet. He extracted a couple
hundred dollars and slid the bills, with effort, into his
pocket. Then he took a condom out of the nightstand
and put that in the other pocket. And then another one,
just in case. Then he picked up his BlackBerry, did a
quick search, and found just what he was looking for. A
local gay club, close enough that he wouldn't be in a
completely strange part of town, but not close enough
that anyone he knew would be likely to wander by.
All right, Love Bites, James thought. Here I come.
What They Say About Love - 16
TWO
Ethan snapped his cell shut and shoved it into his jeans.
Then he took a couple of deep, slightly frosty breaths --
it was still winter, after all -- that brought the classic
back-alley scents of weed, piss, and decomposing trash
to his nose. The deep bass of the dance music playing
inside throbbed through the wall behind him, but it was
still early enough that he was alone out here, which was
lucky since he'd ducked out for some privacy when his
cell first rang. Not that many people had his private
number, so he usually answered without glancing at
caller ID -- a practice he'd regretted when Beth's whiny,
high-pitched voice had come on the line. She must have
snuck his number off of Jamie's phone, because he'd
certainly never given it to her.
Ethan knew it wasn't fair to dislike the woman so
intensely, especially when she clearly saw him as a
friend. But Jesus -- she was about as interesting as a
block of wood. He'd never exactly been in love with any
of Jamie's girlfriends, but most of them at least had a
sense of humor. Besides which, he'd always had an
uncomfortable feeling that Beth liked him just a bit too
much. In the "Hey, I've got this fantasy about
threesomes..." way. The invitation in her voice on the
phone just now -- before she had lost her temper and
hung up -- had confirmed it.
But none of that mattered to Ethan anymore, not after
speaking to Jamie and hearing that the man had finally
gotten it together and dumped the woman. No more
friendly get-togethers where he had to pretend that Beth
didn't bore him stiff, no more awkward fix-ups with
Beth's friends. No more double dates, which were a
What They Say About Love - 17
hellish combination of both. Lately, it seemed like she'd
been grafted onto Jamie's arm, and Ethan hadn't been
able to avoid her because that would have meant
avoiding his best friend, too -- and he could never do
that.
Ethan prayed it would be at least a few months before
Jamie got another girlfriend and he had to go through it
all again.
The door behind Ethan squeaked open and the alley was
flooded with pounding techno music.
"Hey, Ethan -- you finished?"
Ethan turned to look at his hot date, though that wasn't
really the right term. Sure, Sandy was hot enough to
singe Ethan's cock, with thick, curly dark hair, a tight
little body, and a mouth -- currently gleaming with
cherry lip gloss -- to die for, but "date" implied some
sort of budding relationship. Ethan and Sandy were sex-
friends, pure and simple. They were here together
because no one wanted to be alone on Valentine's Day,
but no matter what they got up to tonight, neither of
them would bother calling in the morning.
Sandy wiggled impatiently, tapping one high-heeled
shoe. "Music won't wait forever, lover, and neither will
I."
Ethan reached out to pull Sandy to him, grabbing a
double handful of ass. "Then I'd better get in there,
hadn't I?"
Sandy let out a sultry little moan and dragged him back
into the club.
What They Say About Love - 18
The place was heaving tonight, and Ethan regretfully let
go of his ass-hold in his fight to get both of them to the
bar. He bought a beer for himself and a vodka and
cranberry for Sandy, and then they headed to the dance
floor.
Ethan spent a few songs rubbing and grinding against
Sandy before Sandy swapped him for a giant in a leather
jacket. But it was okay, because Ethan already had his
eye on a sweet redhead with peaches and cream skin. He
and Sandy had an agreement that if one or both of them
hooked up with someone else, there'd be no hard
feelings.
Unfortunately, after only one dance the redhead moved
on. Ethan looked around to see if Sandy was still cozied
up with the giant, but when he spotted that distinctive
halo of dark hair, Sandy was in a corner bumping and
grinding alone. Sandy had struck out, too.
He fought his way through the crowd and plastered
himself to Sandy's back. "Hello, gorgeous."
"Well, hello to you, too..." said a husky voice, far deeper
than he was expecting.
At the same time, Ethan realized that the person he was
currently groping was about two inches taller than
Sandy. Oops. Mistaken identity. Not that he cared at this
point -- not now that he'd gotten his hands on such a
taut, round treat of an ass. It didn't seem that Not-Sandy
minded, either, wiggling back against him like those
tight leather pants were on fire. Jesus, what a gorgeous
little backside. Ethan buried his face in the cloud of
What They Say About Love - 19
silky dark hair, his cock swelling by what felt like two
inches. Whoa. That was some serious chemistry.
Not-Sandy sucked in a deep breath, hand going back to
grab Ethan's hip, pulling Ethan even closer. Ethan ran
his hands up under the flimsy shirt, savoring the warm,
slightly sweaty skin and causing Not-Sandy to let out a
little mewl of pleasure that made Ethan's cock throb.
That was it. Time for introductions. Ethan spun his new
friend around. In the flickering blue and white lights he
saw an angelically beautiful face, all wet, pouty lips and
smoky eyes. Reminded him of someone. Reminded him
of--
"Holy fuck!"
Ethan whipped his hands away at the same moment his
partner jerked back. They stared at each other for a
moment, then the tight-panted angel said, "Ethan?"
"Jamie? Is that you?" Ethan stared at his best friend --
his straight best friend -- in complete shock, taking in
the come-fuck-me outfit and... Jesus Christ, was that
eye-liner? Jamie McKinley wearing make-up? Had hell
frozen over? Had Ethan drunk too much and passed out
under a table?
"Hey, Ethan -- I'm gonna get outta here. Ben's taking me
home."
Ethan dragged his eyes away from what he was nearly
convinced was a hallucination to see Sandy -- otherwise
known as Philip Sands, attorney at law -- wrapped
around the giant from earlier. The giant gave Ethan a
sheepish grin, his lips covered in Sandy's red lip gloss.
What They Say About Love - 20
"Yeah, fine, have a great night, bye." Ethan turned back
to see Jamie scuttling away through the club at top
speed. Oh, hell no. Jamie wasn't going anywhere
without giving some highly specific and detailed
explanations.
Ethan gave chase, his bulkier build making it tough for
him to weave though the crowds of men on the dance
floor and catch up to Jamie, who had nearly made it to
the door by the time Ethan reached him. McKinley
always had been a speedy bastard.
He grabbed the other man's arm as they both hit the
threshold and pulled Jamie after him out onto the street.
"What the fuck--?" Jamie dug in his heels, pulling Ethan
to a stop. "Get off me, you fucking caveman."
"Get off you? Jesus, I'm not letting you go even if I have
to handcuff us together, Jamie." Ethan growled,
tightening his grip on Jamie's muscular arm. "What in
hell's name is going on here? What were you doing in
Love Bites? Why are you dressed like that? Is this some
sort of joke?"
"Hey -- he said to let go, man." One of the bouncers, a
bearded guy with a snake tattoo on his arm, stepped
over. "Don't have a domestic on the doorstep or we'll
call the cops."
Jamie took advantage of Ethan's momentary distraction
to wrench his arm free and shove Ethan away. He took
off down the street, and once again Ethan followed,
leaving the bouncer behind.
What They Say About Love - 21
He fell into step beside Jamie, his longer legs easily
keeping pace, although this time he didn't try to grab
Jamie.
"Jamie--"
"Don't. Don't even talk to me," Jamie gritted out. "You
have no right to demand explanations, you fucking liar.
You're gay, aren't you?"
"Me? I'm a liar? What about you? What about Beth and
Anna and all the rest, you hypocrite?"
Jamie ground to a halt and spun around to face Ethan in
the middle of the sidewalk, forcing several couples to
walk around them. James' face was flushed and his hair
was all over the place, and despite himself -- despite the
shock and anger -- Ethan felt his cock responding again.
Jamie really was the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen.
The other man looked amazing like this.
Like he'd just rolled out of someone's bed.
Ethan wished it had been his.
"I'm not a hypocrite, you lying bastard. I'm bi! All right?
I'm bisexual and I wanted to experiment a little, which I
haven't done since college. I never went out with anyone
just as a fucking cover, which is what you've been doing
for years, isn't it? Jesus, when I think of all the double
dates we went on -- how could you, man? How could
you just fucking lie, right to my face like that? Why
didn't you tell me? I'm your best friend."
What They Say About Love - 22
Ethan felt a sudden pang of remorse as the anger in
Jamie's voice gave way to naked hurt.
"Well -- you never told me you were bi," he defended
himself feebly. "I thought you were straight as a fucking
ruler."
"It's not the same thing and you know it." Now Jamie
was the one who looked away, raking his fingers
through his messy hair in that helpless gesture that
always squeezed Ethan's heart. "I feel like I don't even
know you, man. What else did you lie about?"
"Nothing, I promise," Ethan said as he stepped closer to
his friend, tilting his head to try and meet his eyes.
"Look, this isn't the place for this. Come on, let's get
some coffee or something and talk."
Jamie hesitated, and Ethan stepped even closer, ignoring
the curious looks from passersby. "Please, Jamie."
Ethan reached out and hesitantly touched Jamie's
shoulder. Jamie looked up at him, the movement causing
his thin shirt to fall open, exposing one brown nipple.
Ethan hastily suppressed the full body shudder that
wanted to go through him and met Jamie's eyes, letting
the other man see his sincerity.
At last, Jamie sighed. "Fine. Let's go to Roast Room on
West. They're open twenty-four seven."
What They Say About Love - 23
THREE
"Start at the beginning," Jamie said, taking a sip from
his decaf latte. "When did you know you were gay?"
Ethan crushed a couple of grains of sugar substitute with
his swizzle stick, wishing he could avoid this question.
"Um. I guess... always."
There was a heavy silence -- one that the quiet sounds of
hissing from the coffee machine and the jazz track
playing on Roast Room's sound system couldn't touch.
Ethan raised his eyes finally to see Jamie staring at him
with complete disbelief.
"At college?"
Ethan nodded.
"At school?"
Ethan nodded again. He and Jamie had gone to the same
school from freshman year.
Jamie put his coffee down and rubbed his hands over his
face, smearing his eye-liner. "I don't get
it, Ethe. You were Stone Cold Stone. You screwed your
way through the entire co-ed population. You had more
het porn than most adult bookstores. I guess I can see
why you'd keep quiet at school, but why did you keep on
acting that way in college? And why didn't you ever tell
me? You must have known I'd be cool with it."
"How would I know that?" Ethan asked sarcastically,
annoyance flickering up under the guilt. "You sure as
What They Say About Love - 24
hell kept quiet about being bi. I thought you felt the
same way as your dad."
"Hey, my dad isn't a bigot!" Jamie protested. "Just
because--" He broke off sharply, his expression
changing, and Ethan nodded.
"Exactly. If he'd been throwing racial slurs around,
you'd have shot him down in a second. But you never
said a word when he was talking about creampuffs and
limp-wristed girls, did you? You used to laugh with him,
in fact. Your sister used to tell the pair of you off. Not
exactly an open-minded atmosphere. So I boasted and
flirted and yeah, a few times I got into a girl's pants --
not unless they were clear it was strings-free, mind you -
- and I collected het porn and left it lying around so no
one would go looking for the gay porn under the bed.
My reputation built itself after that. And you'll
remember that I never exactly volunteered to be set up,
either. You and Beth wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm
not proud of it, but it was the only way to get you off my
back."
Jamie nodded. "So... since college... you only kept it a
secret from me? And my family?"
Ethan shrugged uncomfortably. "More or less. My
mother knows. Some of our shared friends know. Even a
couple of people at work. But they all know that you
don't know."
Ethan took in Jamie's devastated expression and
softened his tone. "You have to understand, things are
different in the U.K., Jamie. Growing up there, things
were much more open. Gay couples can even get
What They Say About Love - 25
married there now. I came to the U.S. with Mum, and
my first week there was that gay-bashing at the school,
you remember? It made all the headlines. That kid
needed ten hours of plastic surgery. It scared me, and I
made my mind up then never to tell people unless I was
sure they'd get it. It didn't seem worth getting my ass
kicked. It definitely didn't seem worth losing my best
friend. You mean a lot to me, Jamie."
"You mean a lot to me too, Ethe," Jamie said. He smiled
suddenly. "I guess I was a complete prick, huh? Sorry."
"Not a complete prick," Ethan said.
"Thanks," Jamie said, laughing. "You always make me
feel better."
"So, what about you?" Ethan said, finally taking a long
gulp of his espresso. The coffee tasted great, but not as
good as finally getting to share the truth with Jamie. It
felt like a huge burden had been lifted off his back, one
he'd been carrying so long that he'd stopped noticing the
effort. "You'd better give me an explanation for the eye-
liner."
Jamie's cheeks went a dull red and Ethan sniggered,
nearly choking on his coffee.
"Spur of the moment."
"Oh, yeah? And the pants? You drop into the twenty-
four-seven leather goods shop on your way back from
dumping Beth?" Ethan asked, joking but determined,
too. He wasn't going to be the only one spilling his guts
here.
What They Say About Love - 26
"Ethan," Jamie said, suddenly serious. "Don't say that. I
didn't dump Beth. I feel terrible about what happened.
Me coming to Love Bites was a way to make myself
feel less shitty."
"Okay, I get that. Tell me."
"I don't know. I -- er -- fucked a guy once in college, did
some oral stuff. I really liked it, but I convinced myself
that it was just... like a side interest. I had my dream,
you know?"
Ethan groaned. "Oh, the fucking dream."
"Yeah, yeah -- I know how you feel about it,
Neanderthal," Jamie said, rolling his eyes. "And I guess
I had the same fears about my family's reaction that you
did. But lately I've been thinking about it more and
more, and tonight, when I went to dinner with Beth, it
just came to a head. I got home, took a shower..." Jamie
paused for a second, his face going red again, and
hurriedly finished, "And got dressed -- and the pants
were a gift from a friend, by the way -- and went straight
back out again. I put the eye-liner on because the guy I
knew in college used to wear it. I wanted to see if... I
still felt the same way, if I still wanted that."
"What answer did you get?" Ethan asked.
Jamie met Ethan's eyes. "Yes. Definitely yes. I want a
guy."
What They Say About Love - 27
Ethan cleared his suddenly dry throat and dragged his
gaze away from Jamie's, telling his cock firmly to
behave.
"Well, okay. But you realize you did a stupid thing
tonight, right? You could have gotten a lot more than
you were bargaining for. It's lucky I met you there
before something went really wrong. Love Bites is a
shark pit, and you were giving out all the wrong
signals."
"Wrong signals?"
"Jesus, you're like a born-again virgin. I mean, the shirt's
bad enough, but the make-up? And when you were
dancing with me..." Ethan cleared his throat again. "You
didn't realize what you were doing. You were acting like
a bottom, Jamie."
Jamie let out a low, dirty little chuckle, and Ethan's eyes
shot back to him, astonished at the sly look on his face.
"What?"
"I wasn't giving out the wrong signals."
Ethan's brow wrinkled. "What do you -- seriously?"
Jamie nodded. "Riiight."
Ethan swallowed, speechless. It was like every
forbidden fantasy that he'd ever had, come to life and
calmly drinking coffee across from him. Was Jamie
serious? Seriously serious? For real?
What They Say About Love - 28
"You don't have to look so shocked, man," Jamie said a
little dryly. "We can't all be manly tops like you, you
know. Wow, this is not how I saw my night ending. I
thought I'd be face down and screaming by now.
Screaming in the good way."
He's doing it on purpose, Ethan thought, dazed. The sexy
little bastard's deliberately taunting me.
It was too much.
"Fine," Ethan heard himself saying, as if from a great
distance. "Your place or mine?"
***
The drive back to James' house took place in complete
silence. The tension in the car was so thick that James
could barely breathe through it, and he was grateful that
he could concentrate on driving. Otherwise, he might
just have passed out.
"Your place or mine," Ethan had said. And James had
said, "Mine."
Holy Christ on a crutch. Am I really about to have sex
with Ethan?
His fingers tightened on the wheel so much that it was a
struggle to turn into his driveway. The car's engine went
silent and they sat there, both staring out of the
windshield in silence. James didn't know what Ethan
was looking at, but he himself was finding that his eyes
wouldn't focus properly at all.
What They Say About Love - 29
After a minute, Ethan moved. James flinched as his
friend's hand came to rest over his clenched fingers on
the steering wheel.
"You don't have to do this," Ethan said quietly. "I didn't
mean to make it into pissing contest or some macho
bullshit like that. You don't have to prove anything to
me."
James' knotted-up muscles relaxed all at once, and he
turned to look at Ethan's shadowed, serious face. "I
know that, you idiot. I want to do it."
"Jamie--"
He interrupted, turning his hand over and lacing his
fingers through Ethan's as he spoke. "You're the only
one that calls me that, you know? I like it. I've always
liked it. I went out tonight to find a guy to fuck me,
Ethan, and I found you. Not some stranger who I
couldn't wait to get away from once the deed was done,
but my best friend. The person I trust most in the
world."
Ethan's fingers tightened on his and the other man let out
a noise that was half laugh, half sigh.
"Hell. How am I supposed to say no to that?"
"You're not." James slid his fingers away and opened his
door, looking back over his shoulder. "Hurry the hell up,
stud. My cherry won't bust itself."
James slammed his door on Ethan's choked laughter and
waited for Ethan to get out before locking the doors.
What They Say About Love - 30
Ethan rounded the hood and caught James' hand again as
they headed for the front door. That little gesture
warmed James' heart in ways he couldn't even begin to
explain.
"Ah -- when you said 'cherry,' did you mean... like, it's
been a long time, or..." Ethan's voice trailed off as James
tapped in the security code, opened the door, and
stepped inside.
"Nope. First time ever."
Ethan stepped past James, letting go of James' hand as
he waited for him to shut the door.
James turned to say something else, but before he could
get a word out, Ethan's mouth crashed down on his lips,
the force of it shoving him back against the wood panel.
What They Say About Love - 31
FOUR
Ethan's tongue swept past James' lips, stroking deeply,
making James catch his breath, making him respond
automatically, opening wider. He'd expected it to be
awkward at first, difficult to let go, but it wasn't. He
didn't worry about it being Ethan's tongue in his mouth,
Ethan's leg pushing between his. He didn't care. All he
wanted was to get closer. He grabbed hold of Ethan's
shoulders, kissing back, pushing against the bigger man.
"Jesus, Jamie, you're on fire," Ethan panted, pushing
back so that James hit the door again.
One of Ethan's hand's cupped his head -- stopping his
skull from crashing into the door -- and the other slid
underneath James' shirt, calloused fingers scratching as
they roamed restlessly up his back, then down to his
waist and below, latching onto one ass cheek. James let
out a grunt as Ethan's fingers sank into the taut flesh,
hard enough to ache. Hard enough to leave bruises. The
thought of Ethan's marks on his skin made his cock fill,
and he ground it against Ethan's thigh where it pushed
between his. Still not close enough.
He took a firmer grip on Ethan's shoulder and hitched
his leg up, groaning when his cock hit Ethan's hip just
right. "Fuck," he muttered, catching the other man's
lower lip between his teeth and sucking hard.
"Any time now," Ethan said. "Just let me get these pants
open,"
James breathed in as Ethan's hand slid up from his ass
and into the gap between his stomach and the leather
What They Say About Love - 32
pants, brushing against James' treasure trail as he flicked
the snap open.
"Careful," James managed to mutter as he speared his
fingers through Ethan's fine hair. "Commando."
"Shit, Jamie, you want me to come in my underwear?"
Ethan said, laughing.
His big, rough hand dove into James' pants and cupped
his balls, and Jamie made a noise -- a noise he knew he
would find embarrassing later, but right now he didn't
care -- and managed to gasp out, "No, I want you to
come in me."
"Holy fuck," Ethan muttered, and once again James was
taken by surprise as Ethan pulled his hand out,
disentangled James' leg from around his waist, then bent
and heaved James over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.
"You loon," James said breathlessly as his face hit the
small of Ethan's back.
"You reap the whirlwind, babe," Ethan said, slightly
winded as he took the stairs.
James reached down and grabbed hold of Ethan's ass
with both hands. Ethan growled and took the last two
steps in a jump, smashing open James' bedroom door
and flipping James down onto the bed.
James hit the comforter with an "oof." The moonlight
coming through the open drapes lit the room almost as
bright as day, illuminating Ethan's face.
What They Say About Love - 33
"You in a rush?" James asked, grabbing hold of his left
boot and dragging it off.
"Damn right," Ethan said, ripping his own jacket and
shirt off together, exposing a heavily muscled chest
covered with thick, golden blond hair. "You?"
In answer, James, his eyes riveted to that amazing, lick-
able chest, sent his other boot flying and wrestled his
shirt over his head without bothering to unbutton it. By
the time he'd peeled his leather trousers down, Ethan
was naked and crawling onto the bed toward him. Ethan
grabbed the pants and flung them off the bed.
"I didn't think anything could look as good as your ass in
those trousers," he breathed, moving up over James,
caging his prone form with arms and legs. "But this
blows that out of the water."
"Something ought to be getting blown right about now,"
James said to cover his sudden nervousness. Ethan was
big. Really big. All over. Finn had been about the same
size as James, and anyway, James had been doing the
fucking then. Having Ethan loom over him like that
made him feel suddenly vulnerable. Not in a bad way.
Actually, it excited him, and that was strange. It was a
side of himself he'd never realized existed. A side that
looked at Ethan's big, red cock and wanted it. Wanted it
inside.
"Subtle, baby," Ethan said, grinning.
"Says the guy who practically dry-humped me on the
dance floor," James replied, entranced by that grin and
the unconscious endearment.
What They Say About Love - 34
Ethan leaned down, still supporting his weight on his
elbows, and laid a kiss on James' lips -- a soft, sucking
kiss with a little toothiness that made James' cock throb
longingly.
Ethan's mouth moved down to James' jaw, then his neck,
and he made another one of those embarrassing noises
when Ethan nibbled on his collarbone.
"Hmmm, interesting," Ethan rumbled, laving the place
with his tongue until James wriggled uncontrollably,
grabbing Ethan's head and tugging at his hair.
"Very interesting. Are you as sensitive here?" Without
warning, Ethan latched onto James' nipple, biting down
firmly. James let out a sound that could only be
described as a shriek, arching up and managing to get
his leg around Ethan's waist again, giving his poor dick
some tiny relief as he ground it hard against the other
man.
"Jesus, you're a wildcat," Ethan said, letting go of James'
nipple and grabbing James' leg, shoving it back down
onto the bed. "How did I miss this all these years?"
"You'll be missing your balls in about five seconds if
you don't fucking do something," James said through
gritted teeth, struggling against the hand that held him
down.
"Threats now," Ethan said, shaking his head. "All right,
I'm going."
What They Say About Love - 35
Ethan scooted back on the bed, using both hands to
spread James' legs flat on the bed. His hair trailed over
James' stomach and then his tongue did the same to the
tip of James' cock, running down the sensitive, leaking
slit. Then his mouth closed over the engorged head and
he sucked hard, his head sinking down slowly. James
watched in disbelief as the other man just kept on going,
taking James in deeper and deeper until finally James
felt himself hit the back of Ethan's throat. James
expected the other man to gag. Instead, Ethan
swallowed, and James' head hit the pillow, hips jerking
up.
"Ethan!"
There was no reply from the other end of the bed. Ethan
swallowed again, then slowly rose, swirling his tongue.
He came off James' prick with a popping sound and
looked up with a shit-eating grin.
"Comments? Suggestions?" Ethan asked.
"Fuck me. Now. Please."
The smile disappeared from Ethan's face in a heartbeat
and he swarmed up James' body. James met him,
devouring Ethan's mouth, wrapping around the other
man and rubbing desperately all along the length of the
solid, furry body.
He inched his hand down to Ethan's groin, but they were
pressed too close for him to get his fingers between
them, and James couldn't bear to draw back.
What They Say About Love - 36
"I don't have any lube," James said between kisses.
"Will the stuff on the nightstand do?"
Ethan reached out one long arm and blindly scrabbled
about on the nightstand until he came up with Beth's
abandoned moisturizer.
"This stuff is pink, James," he said flatly, squinting in
the moonlight.
"Why do we care? We're gay," James said, and Ethan
laughed.
"Guess you're right. Condoms?"
"Other nightstand, top drawer," James said, sitting up as
Ethan moved off him. James started to turn over onto
hands and knees, but Ethan caught him and pushed him
back.
"No way. I want to see your face."
James felt that strange thrill of vulnerability again. "I
didn't know you could do it face to face."
Ethan tossed a condom down on the comforter and
leaned over James, brushing the tangled hair back out of
his eyes with a gentle touch. "There's a lot you don't
know, baby. I promise I'll show you it all."
James' breath froze in his lungs and he stared up at the
other man, trying to figure out how to reply. But Ethan
was already moving down his body again, helping
James to grab his legs behind his knees and pull them
back
What They Say About Love - 37
"Keep those there," Ethan said, sitting back and
grabbing the container of moisturizer. James felt
something cold touch his perineum and winced a little.
"It'll heat up soon, believe me," Ethan reassured him
from between James' thighs. His fingers swirled the
chilly stuff down until they reached James' tight hole
and circled it, pressing gently.
James thought about his experience with Finn and took a
deep breath, letting it out slowly as Ethan pushed again,
harder this time -- and suddenly a finger was sliding
inside him. James let out a low, deep moan at the
feeling, at the slight burn and the fullness that should
have felt wrong but somehow didn't.
"You opened right up," Ethan breathed, sounding awed.
The finger inside James twisted gently, withdrew a little,
and pushed deeper, and James arched, groaning again.
More moisturizer went on his hole and another finger
prodded at the entrance. When it popped through and
joined the first, it brushed against his prostate, making
James twitch.
"Oh, God. I'm ready. Do it."
Ethan's fingers circled inside, scissoring and moving
deeper.
"Ethe, I mean it. Now."
"Wait a second," Ethan said, pressing a kiss to the inside
of James' thigh. "God, I wish you could see this. It's
amazing."
What They Say About Love - 38
His fingers twisted one more time and then withdrew,
and James lifted his head to see Ethan grab
the condom packet and rip it open.
"Next time, I'll put one on you myself," he promised.
"With my mouth."
"I'll hold you to that," Ethan said, rolling the condom
into place and pinching the tip, then slathering more of
the cream over it.
James held out his arms. He'd gone past pride now, or
machismo, or anything but needing Ethan inside him.
Ethan moved over him again, taking his hands and
kissing each palm. All the urgency and playfulness had
melted away, smoothing out to leave... loving. That's
what this was, what Ethan was doing. Loving him.
Ethan pressed James' hands to his broad shoulders.
"If you need me to slow down, dig in," he said. "Okay?"
"Okay."
Ethan caught James' haunches and lifted him so that
James' ass rested on Ethan's thighs, then leaned forward
to lean one hand beside James' head.
Ethan's other hand moved down to where his cock was
poking at James' balls. James felt a moment of regret
that he hadn't gotten to touch that cock yet. Then the
blunt tip was at James hole, pushing in, and he stopped
thinking.
What They Say About Love - 39
It burned. James did his deep breathing thing and the
burn eased, but it still wasn't easy. It seemed to take
forever for the head to inch inside him. He gritted his
teeth, determined not to whimper.
"Jamie?"
"Keep going," he managed to get out. He bore down,
breathing out again, and just like with Ethan's fingers,
suddenly the resistance went and Ethan drove inside.
Ethan's cock brushed against James' prostate again and
James felt himself tighten up, but this time it was good.
The discomfort blended into the pleasure now as James
opened his eyes -- he hadn't even realized he'd closed
them -- and looked up into Ethan's moonlight-silvered
face.
"Oh," he whispered. "Feels good."
"Yeah?" Ethan whispered. He leaned back, James' hands
falling from his shoulders, and grasped James' hips,
rotating his ass gently, making James' insides spasm
with pleasure. "What about that?"
"Do it again," James said, thrusting into Ethan's
movement and feeling the hard cock glide deeper inside.
"Oh, God, do it again."
Ethan kept up the gentle circling of his hips until James
was begging, sweat springing up all over him, hands
gripping handfuls of the comforter hard enough that the
fabric was parting under his short nails.
"Ready for more?" Ethan asked, his voice a low,
rumbling rasp.
What They Say About Love - 40
"There's more?"
In answer, Ethan dragged James farther down the bed,
wrapped his arms around James' back, and heaved him
up until he sat on Ethan's lap. James shouted as the
sudden movement forced Ethan's cock so deep he could
feel it in his stomach. Their faces were level now, and he
closed his eyes and took Ethan's mouth, thrusting his
tongue deep, echoing what Ethan's cock was doing in his
ass. He groaned into the kiss, writhing and grinding
down. Ethan's pubic hair scratched his hole, Ethan's
hands were digging into his back and he was coming,
fuck he was coming, like fire spraying out of his cock--
"Look at me, Jamie," Ethan gasped out.
James opened his eyes in time to see Ethan's face go
tight with ecstasy, in time to share the orgasm, both of
them sweating and grunting out their pleasure together.
They stayed locked together for a long time -- or it felt
like a long time to James -- foreheads pressed together,
legs tangled up, Ethan's softening cock still buried deep.
"Jesus, Jamie," Ethan whispered, and James could only
nod. That pretty much summed it up.
Finally, Ethan admitted he had cramp in his thigh and
James hurriedly got off, unable to hold back the tiny,
wounded noise as Ethan's dick slipped free.
"So... fucking sexy..." Ethan said, rubbing his knotted-
up leg. "I want to do it again... right now."
What They Say About Love - 41
"How about you wait 'til you're not teary with pain?"
James said as he forced Ethan to straighten his leg and
then rubbed at the long, cramping muscle until the pain
finally passed. Finally Ethan collapsed back across the
bed.
James grabbed a handful of tissues and wiped his
stomach and ass -- wincing at the tenderness -- then,
when it seemed that Ethan wasn't going to move, dealt
with the condom, too. He gently petted Ethan's cock for
a minute. Even limp, it was pretty sizeable. He was
stunned it'd fit. No wonder he was sore. He threw the
wadded-up tissues into the trash can next to the bed and
then lay down, throwing one arm across Ethan's chest.
"Hey," Ethan said sleepily. "Now that I'm weak and
defenseless, you'd better not take advantage of me."
"Too late," James said. "Already did."
What They Say About Love - 42
FIVE
Sunlight made Ethan's eyes water, but it was the sound
of Jenny McKinley -- Jamie's mother -- calling out,
"James! Yoo-hoo, sleepy head!" that made him bolt
upright in bed.
Beside him, James was sprawled out on his stomach, his
face hidden in his pillow.
Holy fucking shit on a stick.
"Jamie," he hissed, shaking the other man roughly.
"Wake the hell up. Your mum's here!"
"Mmmrmmggff." Jamie said. "Grrgwwy. Off."
Ethan pinched Jamie hard in the ass, and the other man
came up swinging. Only reflexes honed from years of
boxing classes saved Ethan from a black eye.
"What? What?" Jamie said, looking around wildly. His
hair looked like he'd lived through a tornado, and his
neck sported two large, red hickeys. Ethan didn't know
whether to be turned on or horrified.
"I can hear you up there, James!" Jenny's voice said --
from the bottom of the stairs by the sound of it. "If you
don't answer me in about two seconds, I'm coming up!"
James jolted like a cat whose tail had gotten too close to
an electrical outlet, jumped off the bed, and slammed the
bedroom door shut.
What They Say About Love - 43
"I'll be down in a minute, Mom!" he screamed through
the door. "Just wait!"
"You've got time to shower and dress," the voice came
through the wood. "But hurry up. We're supposed to be
at the hotel at two, and I promised we'd pick up Amy
and Bill. I knew you'd forget."
Shit! How had Ethan forgotten that Jamie's father was
celebrating a birthday -- which was actually on Monday
-- today? He was supposed to be going himself. Ethan
whipped his head around to look at the clock radio on
the nightstand and gaped when he saw that it was after
noon.
"You want me to put the coffee on for you?" Jenny
shouted.
"Yeah, that'd be great, thanks!" Jamie shouted back.
When no further threats were forthcoming, Ethan
slumped back on the pillows. Jamie leaned his forehead
on the door, catching his breath.
"Jesus," Ethan said. "I think I just lost twelve years"
Jamie didn't answer. Ethan stared at his best friend's
naked back, waiting for him to turn around. Silence
seemed to crystallize in the air like ice, turning Ethan's
whole body cold.
"Jamie, look at me," he said hoarsely, feeling the ice
starting to close around his heart.
Jamie slowly, unwillingly turned around.
What They Say About Love - 44
When Ethan had imagined coming out to Jamie -- and
he had imagined it, so many times -- he'd always
pictured a certain look on his friend's face. A look of
revulsion and horror. Imagining that had been enough to
make him put the idea away every time.
This was worse.
Jamie's face was blank, as empty and noncommittal as if
Ethan were a complete stranger whom Jamie had found
sitting, uninvited, in his bed. After a second, Jamie's
eyes flicked away from Ethan to the floor. His jaw was
clenched so hard that a muscle ticked there.
Ethan didn't need to ask any questions. He knew exactly
what was happening.
Jamie'd done his little bi-curious experiment, and now
that he'd had his fill of dick, he was back to being Mr.
Homophobe, disgusted both by what he'd done and the
person he'd done it with.
Without a word, Ethan got off the bed, collected his
clothes from their scattered places on the carpet, and
walked into the bathroom. He closed the door and
locked it behind him. Jamie would just have to use the
fucking guest room.
He dropped his things on the tiled floor and sat on the
toilet seat, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes.
What was wrong with him? Why hadn't he seen this
coming? Ethan had always laughed at Jamie for being
the romantic, but which one of them had gotten carried
away last night? Ethan, that was who. He should have
What They Say About Love - 45
realized that just because Jamie had gone out searching
for a blow job following a bad break up, it didn't mean
the other man was ready to come out to anyone or have
any kind of a relationship with a guy. He shouldn't have
opened himself up to this. But he had. And now, by the
looks of it, he'd lost his best friend.
Jesus, how were they going to work together if Jamie
was so disgusted that he couldn't even meet Ethan's
eyes?
If Ethan was so fucking in love with Jamie that he
wanted to curl up and die every time the other man
looked at him like that?
He climbed wearily into the shower, turning the water
up to scalding and shoving his head under. He was still
standing in the same position ten minutes later when
there was a tentative knock at the door.
"I'm leaving now," Jamie's voice came through the door
like a knife and stabbed Ethan right in the chest. "You
know the door code."
There was a pause while Jamie clearly waited for a
response, but Ethan had nothing to answer that cool,
polite tone.
"Mom and Dad are expecting you at the party," Jamie
said after a minute.
But you wish to God I'd stay away so you don't have to
see my face, Ethan thought, banging his head against the
tiles. Jesus, why don't you just say it and get it over
with?
What They Say About Love - 46
"Goodbye then."
Ethan waited for a couple of minutes, until he was sure
Jamie had gone away, before he punched the tiled wall
as hard as he could.
***
James sat in the passenger seat of his mom's car as she
drove him across town to his sister's. They had arranged
beforehand that Jamie's mom would pick up James and
Amy, and Amy's husband Bill, so that they could drink
at the party if they wanted and catch a taxi home without
worrying about their cars.
James couldn't believe he'd forgotten his father's
birthday. Luckily, he'd bought the present and card
weeks ago and already handed them over, but he knew
that if his mother hadn't turned up at the house, he'd
probably have missed the party completely. And he
knew why.
He'd spent the night screwing the hell out of his best
friend and business partner. No -- it was worse than that.
He'd spent the night having the hell screwed out of him.
And he'd loved it.
What had felt natural and sexy and right in the middle of
the night felt really scary in the daylight. That weird
vulnerability, the sense of tenderness, the sheer intensity
of everything that had happened made James feel like
he'd completely lost track of reality. He knew that he'd
hurt Ethan's feelings this morning. He hadn't been able
to help himself. He'd taken one look and wanted to fling
What They Say About Love - 47
himself straight back into Ethan's arms. Into his arms!
What was he, a fucking fourteen-year-old girl?
How could one night with Ethan have wrecked him like
this? He felt as if his friend had taken him to pieces and
put him back together in some subtly different way, so
that nothing was the same. He resented it and Ethan, for
making him feel it.
"What's wrong?"
James jumped hard enough to give himself whiplash,
finally realizing that his mom had stopped at a red light
and was giving him a concerned look.
"Ah -- nothing, Mom. Why?"
"Well, to begin with, wasn't I supposed to be collecting
you and Beth together today? Where is she?"
Holy fuck. James had somehow managed to completely
forget that fiasco. He thought about Beth's face when
he'd told her he didn't love her, and cursed himself for a
heartless prick. Then he remembered Ethan's face this
morning and felt a blade of remorse slice through his
heart, proving it was still there.
He took a deep breath and finally managed to say, "Beth
isn't coming, Mom. We broke up."
"Oh, James," his mom said. "I'm sorry."
James blinked and looked at his mother more closely as
the light changed and they pulled away again. "You
don't sound surprised."
What They Say About Love - 48
"Well, to be honest, I'm not, really," his mother said. "I
know you liked Beth a lot. We all did. But I didn't ever
think you were passionately in love. It felt more like you
were marking time."
"Hey," James said, stung by the similarity of the words
to what Ethan had said last night. "We were serious."
"I know, honey," she soothed. "But you can't force love
to happen just because it's convenient. Sometimes
people that are perfect for us on paper just leave us cold
in real life. You don't think that I'd have chosen your
dad's profile off a dating site, do you? Interests: football,
baseball, football, and beer?"
James forced a laugh, but his mother's words had struck
home. She was right. Beth was everything he'd told
himself he wanted, and it had gone completely wrong.
Ethan... Ethan had never been in any fantasy Jamie had
about his dream life -- although the other man been in a
few fantasies of the other type -- and yet it was Ethan
that made Jamie laugh, Ethan that made Jamie feel safe.
Ethan that Jamie couldn't stop thinking about.
"Are you really upset?" his mother asked.
"Huh? Oh, uh, I guess." He raked his hand though his
hair. "No, not really."
What had his dream been about? Was it about the Kodak
moment cliché of a man and a woman and two point
four kids? Or was it something deeper? At his core,
hadn't James just wanted to find a person -- the one,
right person -- who made him happy? Someone to love
What They Say About Love - 49
and be with forever? Why did that person have to own a
pair of breasts to qualify?
"What happened? Did you have a fight? Did Beth meet
someone else?"
"No," Jamie said quietly, and before he could stop
himself, he finished. "I did."
"What?" Jamie's mom shot him an astonished look.
"You did? Who? When? Do I know her?"
Jamie's hands clenched into fists on his lap. "Him."
Jamie's mom frowned as if trying to make sense of a
complicated sentence. "Wait. Did you
say--? James, did you say him?"
"Yes." He let out long, slow breath and forced himself to
follow through. "I think I'm in love, Mom. With a man.
With Ethan."
"Jesus Christ on a pogo stick."
She jerked the wheel to the right, ignoring the outraged
honks of traffic as she pulled up onto the sidewalk. She
slammed the car into park and turned to look at James.
"All right," she said. "Start talking."
And James did. He told her about the boy he'd been with
in college and how hard he'd tried to forget it, about the
suffocating depression that had been cloaking him for
months, about planning to propose to Beth and nearly
throwing up, about going to Love Bites on a whim and
meeting Ethan there, about Ethan being gay and keeping
What They Say About Love - 50
it a secret from everyone, and about the fact that they
had been together that morning when she arrived and
James, in his panic and fear, had rejected the man he
thought he loved so thoroughly that Ethan might never
forgive him.
When he finished, he sat staring at her while she looked
at him in silence for the longest time. Then she slumped
back against the seat.
"When I see your father, I'm going to give him such a
slap upside the head, he'll feel it next week," she
muttered.
"What? Why?" Ethan said, taken aback by the apparent
change of subject.
"Because this is partly his fault. Of course it's partly my
fault, too, because I let him get away with talking that
way in my house. If I'd realized it was going to end up in
a lifetime of repression for my son and the boy I think of
as an adopted son, I... well, I'd have made myself heard
instead of putting up with it because I didn't want to
argue. When Ethan's mother brought him here after the
divorce, he seemed to fit right into our family -- I was
always glad that he had a good male role model in your
dad. I can't imagine how awful it must have been for
him to hear someone he looked up to like a father
talking like that. It must have been pretty awful for you
when you realized you were bisexual."
"Er... it gave me a few sleepless nights," James
admitted.
What They Say About Love - 51
She turned back to look at him, her eyes fierce. "Listen,
honey. This is the twenty-first century. I don't care if
you like boys. I don't care if Ethan does. I just want you
both to be happy. But between us, it seems liked we've
managed to make you and Ethan miserable, and I won't
have it anymore. Do you really love him?"
James nodded. "I've never felt like this before. It might
sound stupid when we've known each other so long, but
it's like... the feelings were always there, underneath the
surface. I was just too scared to look."
"And you think Ethan feels the same way?"
"I think so. I hope so."
"Well, then you just broke his heart, kiddo, and it's not
going to be easy to fix. You'd better get ready to grovel,"
she said firmly. "Grovel like you never did before. If
your father had treated me that way after the first time
we were together, I'd have strangled him with his small
intestine and staked him out for the birds. You need to
prove to Ethan not only that you care about him, but that
you're proud of him and your relationship."
James nodded, the faintest twinkling of an idea lighting
up at the back of his mind. "Right. Er... You mind if we
stop by a florist?"
What They Say About Love - 52
SIX
Ethan almost didn't go to the party. Frankly, he was sick
to the back teeth of the whole McKinley family right
now. He didn't know how he was going to act normally
when he felt like his heart had just been ripped out of his
chest and used for toilet paper, and he certainly didn't
know how he was going to face Jamie again. He already
planned on taking the day off on Monday and working
from home. He thought he might be doing that a lot
from now on, and the idea of losing the close working
relationship he'd always had with his friend was just
another kick in the gonads.
But although they weren't perfect, Jenny and Frank
McKinley had always been good to him, and he knew
they'd miss him if he just didn't show up. So he planned
to step in late enough to miss the first flurry of greetings,
hug anyone who looked at him sideways, and then
disappear again as soon as he could. He figured avoiding
Jamie wouldn't be a problem -- the other man would be
doing all the work for him.
He was so busy plastering a smile over his face that he
didn't notice the funny looks he was attracting when he
first stepped into the hotel's small function room. The
place was decorated with silver and white streamers and
balloons, and there was a banner at the end of the room
above the loaded buffet table that said "Happy Sixty-
Fifth Birthday Frank!" There were also a lot of flowers
around the place, more than he'd have expected to see at
a man's party.
In fact, it looked like someone had maxed out their
credit card buying the entire stock of a florist shop.
What They Say About Love - 53
There were about eight kinds of roses, sunflowers,
sweet-peas, gardenias, orchids, and carnations -- and
that was just what he caught at one look. Love of
gardening was one of the few things his father had
passed on before running out on Ethan and his mother,
and Ethan had always planned to have a garden of his
own one day. One day, when he settled down and
bought a house and had someone to live in it with...
One day was never going to happen now. The only one
who knew about his love of flowers -- the only one he
wanted to share his garden with -- didn't want him.
Unconsciously, Ethan looked around the room for
Jamie, and felt a wave of relief mixed with sadness
when he couldn't spot him anywhere. The man had
probably hidden the moment Ethan came through the
door.
"Hey, Ethe!" Jamie's teenage cousin Rachel appeared
before him, giggling, and Ethan braced himself to get
groped as usual. Instead, he was surprised to get a chaste
peck on the cheek and a wink. "He's a lucky boy," she
said coyly, before her mother ran up and dragged her
away with a conspiratorial look.
Huh?
Ethan dragged his eyes away from the retreating pair
and looked around to see that quite a few people were
casting curious looks his way. He became conscious of
an air of suppressed excitement in the groups of people
gathered around the room. A few of his employees were
there, but instead of hurrying over to him as they
normally would, they hung back as if waiting for
something to happen.
What They Say About Love - 54
Instincts clamoring, Ethan began to back slowly toward
the door, but before he could get there, Jenny appeared
before him, beaming.
"Ethan! How are you, honey? We've been waiting for
you to get here."
"You have?" he asked as she wrapped her arm around
his and guided him farther into the room.
"Of course! Frank, haven't we been wondering where
Ethan was?"
Ethan wondered if Jenny and Frank had had an
argument or something, because Frank's face flushed
pink when he caught sight of Ethan and Jenny
approaching arm in arm. Ethan expected to be offered
the usual manly handshake, but instead Frank surprised
him by reaching out and giving him a warm hug.
"Great to see you, boy," he said, his voice sounding a
little muffled as he slapped Ethan's back before releasing
him. "Wouldn't be a party without you." He turned away
abruptly, sniffing.
Ethan cast a questioning look at Jenny, who gave him
that same beaming smile. "Allergies. He's been bawling
like a baby all day."
"Frank has allergies?"
"It's the pollen."
"Yeah, I noticed the flowers. Whose idea was that?"
What They Say About Love - 55
"James'."
Ethan hoped he concealed the flinch. "Right. Ah, Jenny
I'm really sorry, but I can't stay too long
today. I have some work--"
"Yes, I'm sure you do, but hush up now because James
wants to talk to you."
She turned him around, and Ethan was distantly aware
of the room falling silent as he came face to face with
Jamie.
The other man was dressed way more formally than
anyone else in the room, in a tux and black tie. He was
holding a bouquet of a dozen roses -- red, yellow, white,
pink and every other color imaginable. But more than
either of those things, Ethan's attention was riveted by
his friend's face.
The blank look from this morning was gone. Jamie's
face was full of so much emotion that it almost hurt to
see it. Hope. Regret. Apprehension.
And he was wearing eye-liner.
"Jamie." Ethan breathed. "What are you...?"
"Ethan, I'm sorry," Jamie said, holding out the flowers.
His voice wavered a little as he carried on. "I know I
was a total shit this morning. I was stupid and afraid and
I hurt you. But I won't do it again, I promise. Please say
you'll forgive me."
What They Say About Love - 56
Without realizing he meant to, Ethan reached out and
took the flowers. He stared down at them for a moment,
then looked around at the room full of people --
including Jenny and Frank and Jamie's little sister Amy -
- and then back at Jamie.
He swallowed, then said, "That depends."
Jamie's eyes -- impossibly big surrounded by that black
make-up -- went wider. "Depends on what?"
"On why you want me to forgive you," Ethan said, voice
deepening as he fought to get the words out. "If you
want me to forgive you so that we can go back to being
friends and business partners and pretend that nothing
ever happened, then-- "
"Then what?"
"Then no. I don't forgive you."
Jamie moved closer, until the roses Ethan held were in
danger of being crushed between them.
"What if I want you forgive me because I..." Jamie
seemed to take a deep breath. Then he locked his eyes
on Ethan like a pair of blue lasers. "What if I love you?
What if I want us to work on the dream -- both our
dreams -- together?"
In the midst of his emotional turmoil, Ethan couldn't
help stealing a look at Jamie's family. Jenny was
grinning through tears. Amy gave him a thumbs up sign.
Frank nodded at him gravely, more sober than Ethan had
What They Say About Love - 57
ever seen the older man. Ethan imagined there was a
look of apology in his face.
Ethan looked back at Jamie. "Then I guess I'd better
forgive you, since I love you so damn much."
The flowers went flying as Jamie grabbed for Ethan.
Their mouths found each other in a deep, devastating
kiss, and it took a moment for Ethan to realize that the
ringing in his ears was the party crowd applauding. He
felt dizzy, hardly able to believe that he was holding
Jamie in his arms, here in front of practically everyone
they knew, and that they could be open, finally, about
everything.
"I do love you," Jamie said. "I can't believe it took me
this long to figure it out."
"Neither can I. You'll just have to make it up to me. I've
got some ideas about that..." Ethan nipped gently at
Jamie's lower lip, laughing when the other man jerked
involuntarily.
"Hey!" Jamie whispered. "No teeth in public!"
"Too late. You know what they say about love, baby. It
bites."
What They Say About Love - 58
What They Say About Love
Copyright © 2010 by Alexi Silversmith
All rights reserved. No part of this eBook may be used or
reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written
permission except in case of brief quotations embodied in
critical articles or reviews. For information address Torquere
Press, Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680
Cover illustration copyright Alessia Brio
Used with permission
ISBN: 978-1-61040-048-0
Printed in the United States of America.
Torquere Press, Inc.: High Ball electronic edition / September
2010
Torquere Press eBooks are published by Torquere Press, Inc.,
PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680
What They Say About Love - 59